101 Secrets of Effective Parenting: Recent Episodes
Vidyashankar Guru
Is Parenting Fun or Pain? Parenting is about bringing up a new generation, and the choice whether to make it a joyful process or a strenuous path lies with parents themselves.Today’s children are better informed because of exposure to various modes of communication and they are ‘Digital Natives’.
Parenting is not about just bringing up your child, but it is about inspiring your child, making them passionate about life and learning, and creating a winning mindset to make them super achievers in life.
This podcast will help parents to give the best to their children and strengthen Parent-Child relationship. It is a compilation of real life strategies based on Author’s first hand experience of handling children and parents from various parts of the world.
This is the audio version of the book with the same title.
Secret#101
To effectively deal with your children's problematic behaviour, you should first know the problem and the real objective of the children. Make them aware of the consequences and finally help them face those consequence while helping to maintain their self-esteem. It is then that you can create a powerful pygmalion Effect!
Secret#99
Lack of communication may cause your children to see things from a negative perspective. Talk to your children and help them get rid of their wrong notions
Secret#97
Your children must respect you. Have the right balance between your love and strictness.
Secret#96
It is not only communication, which is an integral part of a child-parent relationship, you should also set an example for them, while helping them find their own identities.
secret#94
See things from your children's point of view, rather than forming an opinion based on your preset notions.
Secret#93
Understand the importance of your children's friends in their lives. Also don't blindly accept teachers' views on your children's behaviour and characteristics.
Secret#92
This one's the simplest, and the easiest, because I want you to remember it always. TAKE CHARGE!
Secret#90
The fast and steady is more likely to win the race. Teach your children the practical and the probable.
Secret#89
Even if you see worrying signs, especially compulsive lying, do not give up on your children. There is probably a good reason behind these actions. Understand your children's motivations, understand them - and give them your time.
Secret#87
This one is a question. So, which film will you watch with your children this weekend?
Secret#86
Teach your children to respect relationships, and gradually lead them on into developing deep relationships that nurture the soul.
Secret#85
Teach your children how to share and how to give Remember, this lesson is more important than teaching them how to acquire!
Secret#84
Keep a photography of your spouse, your children and you, with the words 'I love parenting' on it, in your wallet. Look at it several times a day, say the words to yourself and make this a part of your daily thought pattern.
Secret#83
If you don't make efforts to educate your children about sex, they will turn to the media or society for the same. This may lead them to make wrong assumptions. As a parents, you have the greatest responsibility to ensure your children learn the right facts about human birth, the relationship between men and women, sex and moral values.
Secret#82
When your children lack concentration or feel restless, it may not always mean that they have a medical disorder, even thought their teacher and doctor may suspect one. During those tough times feel in control and support your children to handle this challenge in a positive way.
Secret#81
Being a millionaire is about the mindset. If you make a millionaire bankrupt, he will became a millionaire again!
Secret#80
What makes the difference in life is not how much you earn, it is how much you save. Teach your child to save, and lead by example.
Secret#79
Teach your children the right notions about the rich. Contrary to the common belief that fortunes can be only earned through legal, moral and ethical ways.
Secret#78
The rapport between children and their teachers is very important for children to learn well and learn happily. What you tell your children about their teacher is very important. Look for positive interpretations of their teacher's behaviour and convey the same to your children.
Secret#77
Teach your children to say 'I LOVE EXAMS' and gradually learn to mean it. It will invariably have a big impact on their scores.
Secret#76
Help your children come up with wise strategies that enable effective preparation. Whenever your children feel over-whelmed by the amount of studies, talk to them and reinforce the positive belief that they can do it. Be prepared to be there for them, and your children will be ready for their exams.
Secret#74
Help your children implement the right strategies to improve their memory. It will make a world of difference to their confidence levels.
Secret#73
All sense should be used in the learning process. so, help your children in this regard.
Secret#72
Help your children create the right environment, for productive hours of studying.
SECRET#71
Create in your children a mindset of 'playing to win'. Make them realise the difference. It isn't only about the skills or about being lucky, it is about the mindset. The winning mindset!
Secret#69
If your children want to run better in the race of life, they must learn how to think smart.
Secret#68
Your children have it in them to make the impossible, possible! So, don't be 'realistic' and decide on their behalf what is achievable and what is not!
Secret#73
All the key senses, Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic, should be used in the learning process. So, help your children in this regard.
Secret#71
Create in your children a mindset of ‘Play to win’. Make them realize the difference. It isn’t only about skills or about being lucky, it is about the mindset. The winning mindset!
Secret#72
Help your children create the right environment, for productive hours of studying.
Secret#69
If your children want to run better in the race of life, they must learn how to think smart.
Secret#67
An appropriate role model often suggests how dreams may be turned into reality. Help your children select a positive role model they admire and are inspired by.
Secret#68
Your children have it in them to make the impossible possible! So, don’t be ‘realistic’ and decide on their behalf what is achievable and what is not!
Secret#66
Let your children live their dreams, and follow that path of their choice. They will undoubtedly be much happier that way, and reach great heights of creative and
professional satisfaction.
Secret#65
Teach your children the powerful practice of taking responsibility for one’s own life, since that gives one the power to make changes. No blames, No Excuses, No Complaints - should be one of the favourite adages in your family.
Secret#64
Consciously cultivate those beliefs about parenthood which enable you to become a better, happier and more positive parent.
Secret#63
Whenever children fail to reach their target, you must teach them to take the results as feedback and not give up. Once they understand that failure is something that they can really learn from, they will stop making the same mistakes in future, and never be depressed by the burden of taking failure too seriously!
Secret#62
Inculcate in your children the belief that nothing is impossible and that everything can be achieved if they believe in their dreams. Having the right strategy and a
strong belief will help your children turn what they thought was impossible into possible!
Secret#61
You display it as a parent, and your children will learn the secret from you.
Secret#60
Positive commands make a huge difference to your children’s behavior. Negative commands make them subconsciously think they should do what they shouldn’t do! It has nothing to do with your children, and everything to do with the words you use! Make a conscious change in your vocabulary-Weed out the
negatives!
Secret#59
If you start doubting certain actions immediately after concluding them, and have passed on this behavioural pattern to your children. Don’t hold your children responsible for displaying a similar behaviour pattern. Just create a practice of associating those actions with particular events. And the problem will solve itself soon enough.
Secret#58
Whenever you find your children resist your advice or answer back, it is time for you to sit with them and share your concerns. You’ll find that their response to this truth will be one of understanding you can work out a solution together.
Secret#57
Next time you say to yourself. ‘My children can’t learn’, give it some serious thought. Remind yourself of Anne Sullivan, Helen Keller’s teacher. Never forget the fact that, every child has the capacity to learn.
Secret#56
If you shout or scream at your children as you scold them, valid as your grounds are, they may miss the real lesson you wish to impart. So, never simply scold, always give your reasons for doing so.
Secret#55
You don’t need a special reason to celebrate. The fact that you are alive right here, right now is good enough. Once you learn to celebrate life, that is the biggest gift ever, which you give to your children. Your children will learn how to celebrate life and thus live life better.
Secret#54
Help your children face unfair treatment that life will unfortunately, but invariably, give them.
Secret#53
Your children have a greater mental capacity than you give then credit for, so don’t worry unnecessarily on their behalf. Indeed, their syllabus is nothing compared to the tools they have at their command. So, do not give them the vibes that their school work and extra-curricular activities are too much for them!
Secret#52
Think about how you can be flexible enough with your children during conversations, so that they understand
the message you want to convey. The response you receive from your children will clearly tell you whether you are communicating in the right way!
Secret#51
‘Never say never’, ‘Never say die’. Let these be the attitudes you inculcate in your children. Nothing is impossible for the willing and the brave. Teach your children this mantra -‘ If I can’t, then I must’. Practise it yourself too!
Secret#50
Instead of making competition days into stressful days, why don’t you treat your children normally? Allow them to participate for the experience, not just for the prize. The prizes make sense only if they aim and strategize to win. They have to do this for themselves, or those prizes are not for them but for you!
Secret#49
Each one of your children is unique. So, instead of loving
equally, learn how to LOVE UNIQUELY. Understand
what is special about each of your children and love them
for their special selves. Do you make sibling rivalry any
bigger than it is?
Secret#48
Discuss patiently with your children, the purposes and
motivations of studying. Share with them the larger
picture, and you’ll find them more receptive than you
imagined.
Secret#47
Do not judge too soon. Analyse the motivation behind
your children’s actions, and in them you will surely find
the answer to their behavioural challenges.
Secret#46
Let your children make their own choices, then allow
them to face the consequences. As long as the situation is
well under control, do not intervene to bail them out. Let
them learn their lessons on their own.
Secret#45
Isn’t it true that only when you start loving and enjoying
what you do, will you become good at it? Make study
time fun and exciting for your children, so that they enjoy
their studies as much as they enjoy playing.
Secret#44
Instead of feeling anxious, get excited about confusion.
When confused, it means that your children are learning
something new.
Secret#43
There are no inattentive students, only fallacious
teaching methods, which can’t hold the children’s
attention. Now think for yourself, and I am sure you can
come up with appropriate pedagogic tools for them, and
make them happy learners. Study time will also become
fun time now!
Secret#42
Are you worried why your children seem to hate the
regime of school so much, although they have a bright
creative spark? Find out if your children are right-brain
dominant.
Secret#41
The Left Brain children perform well in their studies but
they are ‘Shy’. To be successful, children must be ‘Whole
Brain Learners’.
Secret#40
Parents never transmit your sense of inadequacies or
pains of your failures, to your children. Rather, help
them live in a world of thoughts, colours, music,
learning, and so on.
Secret#39
The paths of life are longer than we might think they are
during moments of depression. So never think that the
past and what is behind you, will be exactly mirrored in
the future. It is always possible to turn over a new leaf,
and live life anew, discover greener pastures and deeper
sunsets, even if there were no promises of these in your
past. Pass on this profound faith to your children.
Secret#38
You don’t have to say yes to everything your children ask
of you, but before saying no, understand why they are
asking for something. Allow them to take some risks;
They may outperform your expectations. They will
understand that you trust them and not to let you down.
Learn your children’s language and respect their way of
thinking. That will go a long way in helping you build up
a great rapport with your children, and wait and see,
how easily the solutions will come!
Secret#37
If you want your children to sleep right, and be more
active, ensure they have exciting goals to look forward to
in life..
Secret#36
Never wait for the world around to change for you. It
simply means continuing in a situation in which both you
and your children have no control, and wear a girdle of
victim-hood. Come forward and take responsibility for
what happens. Change yourself for the better. Take
stock, and then take control of your life. Your children
will follow.
Secret#35
As parents you should make a special effort to create a
identity for yourselves by casting off your limiting beliefs.
This way you can become a powerful role model for your
children, who will emulate what you do.
Secret#34
Parenting is an opportunity to shape your life for the
better! Remember, those little eyes are always watching
you and will learn to do things exactly as you do!
Secret#33
Love your work. Or work on something you love. Your
example will leave an indelible imprint on your children’s
psyche. As a parent you must remember that through
your children you’re building the future generation - let
that generation do their work with more passion.
Secret#32
As a parent, when you scold your children about
something, learn to direct your reprimand against the
action or behavioural trait that you don’t like, and don’t
accuse your children instead.
Secret#31
Every complete individual has learnt to give
unconditionally towards the betterment of humanity.
Their heart naturally goes out to the needy. The best time
to offer this approach to your children is when they are
very young. Give them the opportunity to donate blood.
Help your Children aspire to become wonderful human
beings. Show them through your actions, donating blood
being one example of the same.”
Secret#30Both parents must take time out in order to frame the rules that would operate within the family structure, and both parents should follow these rules too. That is the way of creating a sense of fairness among the children and preclude possibilities of favouritism.
Secret#29Be careful when you discuss your children with others. You are putting up a glass for them to be seen through. With that glass, they can't see reality. If you colour their perspective green, they will see everything in a green haze, if it's black, they will see everything as black. Do not restrict your children's lives to a uni-colour zone, do not create an artificial identity for them.
Secret#28Your children will become whatever you expect of them. Your responsibility is to make sure your expectations are positive, productive und useful to their lives. If you let them know that you expect them to be untidy, lazy and bad tempered, you will have untidy, lazy & bad tempered children. If you say that they helpful, friendly and smart, you will have helpful, friendly and smart children. Surely you know which children you'd prefer.
Secret#27Get ready now to make a visit to an orphanage with your children. Spend some time with the children there. Make your children realise the gifts and blessings they have received in life. From this is born sensitivity to others, and a sense of deep humility both of which go on to make your children great human beings.
Secret#26Teach your children to count their blessings, appreciate the many gifts that life and nature has bequeathed them. Once they start believing that they are 'gifted', it will bring about a sea of change in their world view.
Secret#25Once you've become a parent, you'll need to define your priorities clearly to yourself. It will help you make tough choices choices confidently, and not tear you apart emotionally, every single day.
Secret#24Having a fixed pattern in our humdrum lives lives often allows ennui and monotony to set in. So, as a parent, every now and then, you should break the pattern, giving your children a nice surprise or escape from everyday life. In the joyous moments of freedom, you can lay the foundation of a deep, lasting bond together.
Secret#23The world is resounding with infinite possibilities. Indeed nothing is impossible. So let your children's dream be as colourful as possible, do not contain their exuberant wings. Teach them to dream big, and keep their faith too.
Secret#22Appreciate your children's effort if you want the positive change in them to be long lasting.
Secret#21Don't be anxiety ridden that your child displays childish behaviour- that is only natural. Enjoy these playful days in the morning sun to the fullest, as days later they may bring their own worries.
Secret#20Demolish the myth the positive changes inevitably take a life time to come about! If your children suddenly exhibit a positive trait, don't assume that it is temporary. Make note of it, encourage them- and wait for the result- the change will be here to stay.
Secret#19When you are on the 'Seven Day Mental Diet for Parents', you mustn't let any negative thought about parenthood come to you. if such a thought does manage to slip in, you must do the exercise all over again!
Secret#18If you always run your life according yo the clock, there will be no variety in it, no spontaneity, nor excitement. Creativity will not flourish thus. Teach your children the ability to manage time, but don't let them be managed by time.
Secret#17Observe the dynamics between your children and you. Are your reactions always on cue, do you always react in a manner they have learned to expect? Are you a toy in their hands? Then here's the solution- Break the Pattern! You will notice a marked improvement in their behavior.
Secret#16Parents, you need to choose your identity depending on the need of the hour. So, be flexible in shifting between various positive parental ideals.
Secret#15If you stand up for your rights, then your children will not have to be theoretically taught this quality. Remember parents, the best way, to teach is through example.
Secret#14Parents, do understand that your teenaged children often turn to their friends with their feelings because in them they find a reflection of the immediacy of their intense emotions. However, that does not mean that they have no need for you anymore. It is time for you now to take them seriously, as young adults, while simultaneously forging a deeper bond by spending more time with them, to understand them as people.
Secret#13Never disengage from active involvement in your children's lives, even as they are about to enter teenage years, never 'go into a coma'. Remember they need you more during these emotionally challenging years.
Secret#12Ask Yourself:Have you imprisoned your children in any way, pinned them down in your mind? Act upon and change that scenario immediately- Set your children free.
Secret#11Choose to inspire your children through stories of someone they know about, someone close to their heart; relating to the hero makes a world of difference.
Secret#10Among the many stories that you tell your children, remember to particularly include some inspirational ones.
Secret#9Though you'll be tempted, don't succumb and give your children particularly special treatment when they are ill. That might be a reason why they'll take longer than necessary to declare themselves fit, and resume their normal routine.
Secret#8Think about all the positive things that your children have done, and if you haven't already, then express your appreciation for it now. This will help them build their self esteem for sure
Secret#7Consciously promote a sense of high self esteem in your children. That is the only sure fire way that will protect them from the many harsh words or hostilities, which this difficult world of ours might hurl their way!
Secret #6Parents, watch what you say. Don't say or suggest anything that would promote a sense of self-pity in your children. Beware of creating a victim.
Secret #5Be a coach to your children. This means that you should neither simply be a spectator watching from the sidelines,. nor should you play the game for them. Help them perfect their skills, and especially enable them to learn to fight for themselves.
Secret#4Sometimes if you see your children struggling with something, don't jump to do the task for them. Be by them, give them courage, learn to let them experience odds. Let your children grow up to be tough people. As Robert Schuller says- "Tough times don't last, but tough people do!"
Secret#3Academic education is only one aspect of your children's overall development. Help your children develop life skills too.
Secret#2Both life skills and study skills are important for your children to be successful and to become well rounded individuals.
Secret #1Making the learning process fun and exciting, will help your children to listen and concentrate.
This Audio is completely the real life experience of the Author Vidyashankar Guru gained through training several thousands of Children, Parents and Teachers from 40 different Nationalities. Every session will inspire you as a parent and make you look at life differently and will positively impact the quality of relationship with you child. Let your life be an example.