Neurodivergent Narratives Podcast: Recent Episodes
Sandra Coral
Sandra is the writer behind @nd.narratives that was @theadhdgoodlife on Instagram, a page where she shares her experiences and insights from her late in life ADHD diagnosis and Autistic self-diagnosis as a Black femme and transracial adoptee. This podcast explores the unique experiences of neurodivergent people (particularly those who've been historically excluded from mainstream neurodivergent narratives), often considering intersectionality and social justice lenses while sharing tools and strategies to promote self-knowledge, self-acceptance, radical responsibility and self-love. Living in a society that wasn't made for neurodivergent brains in mind isn't easy, especially depending on the overlapping oppressions you must navigate. Sandra looks at ways that neurodivergent people can access their own inner knowing and lean into their differences so that they can access their strengths, manage their challenges and thrive along the way.
To reconnect with ourselves (the sensations in our bodies), so we can understand what we might need at that moment, means we need to pause. But pausing feels very scary to our bodies. This episode not only looks at why pausing feels so bad to us but how we can start to develop a practice of pausing in the times where we feel "safe- enough" so that when we actually do need to pause in our challenging moments, we can access that skill a little more than before.
In the episode:
1. New (even if it's a good thing) is still different and uncomfortable
2. Pausing as dangerous
3. Pausing in conflict
Resources:
Tara Brach podcast
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Support the show
When I was batching these episodes, it occurred to me that maybe some of you were like me and a little lost when it comes to trying to understand what "discomfort " might actually feel like in your body when thinking of emotions. So this episode is a short one and it talks about how I might describe what I'm trying to feel when I think of "discomfort in the body." It also shares some more specifics around what sensations might feel like when they are uncomfortable, my thoughts about chronic pains, sensory sensitivities and why this matters for managing neurodivergence and being in this society. There are many questions and a few ideas that you might think about in developing your own practices too. I think there's a lot here in such a short episode.
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show
FYI: I use the f word in the intro! It wasn't edited out this episode.
Introspection is one of the things that we hear talked about a lot but it's not really talked about when it comes to what it means for being in this society. When we live in a society that works to separate the body from the mind, reconnecting with our body becomes a radical act. Because it's in our body that holds more of our answers about what we really need in order to be at our best. and often that means doing a lot differently than society expects from us.
This episode gives us reasons why working on understanding what our body needs can be so tricky when we're dealing with introspection issues and some of the things I've learned to help me become a little better with it and how I've worked with others.
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
I'm pleased with this episode. I've shared some introductory thoughts about the mind and body connection with neurodivergent people in mind. I talk a little about how society divides us not only from the land and each other but from ourselves. Privileging the mind over the knowledge that comes from our bodies makes me think that for us ND brained people, (who seem to be drawn to being connected to our bodies but have been forced not to be), it's even more important to start rebuilding that relationship between our mind and body. We need to get comfortable with the discomfort of making choices that align with what we really need and we can't do that without reconnecting with ourselves again.
Some highlights include:
1. Our neurodivergent brain's job
2. Society and the brain
3. Neurodivergent brains, nervous systems and trauma responsiveness
4. Narrative therapy ties in too
5. Starting to relearn about the messages behind the discomfort
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
One thing I tend to go on about is that when the story is told by one perspective, the problems and solutions are only seen from that perspective too. In talking about neurodivergence, we tend to be sharing the experiences from a lot about white boys, girls, men and women perspectives. No one else (because unless otherwise said, the default has always been white). Culturally competent care and support are much needed in giving those of us who are the most marginalised the kind of support we need that works well for the lives we actually lead.
Three thoughts:
1. Attribute certain behaviours to a medical condition differ across ethnic groups
2. Ethnic differences in reporting, Lack of awareness in the culture
3. Beliefs around neurodivergence and mental health
Resources (from the last few episodes on this topic)
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in first- and second-generation immigrant children and adolescents: A nationwide cohort study in Sweden https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022399920308928
Autism Spectrum and Other Neurodevelopmental Disorders in Children of Immigrants: A Brief Review of Current Evidence and Implications for Clinical Practice
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.566368/full
Mental health care utilisation and access among refugees and asylum seekers in Europe: A systematic review
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0168851019300399
Systematic Review and Meta-analysis: The Prevalence of Mental Illness in Child and Adolescent Refugees and Asylum Seekers
https://www.jaacap.org/article/S0890-8567(19)32175-6/fulltext
Immigrant Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: The Relationship between the Perspective of the Professionals and the Parents’ Point of View https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3647629/
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.566368/full
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
Maybe this episode will make sense to some of you, or maybe it won't. But hear me out.
I started thinking a little more deeply about boredom and how terrible it feels for people.
Then I started thinking about the messages we got when we were bored growing up and how they felt. It led me to think that if something like boredom can be so connected to doing things and what it means if we're NOT doing things, then surely it must be connected to capitalism and if it is, then surely depending on who you are there's always an underlying message of what we've learned to make it mean about different people when they're bored...
and what systemic barriers gets hidden in society when we do that.
This episode introduces some initial thoughts about the intersection of boredom and different identities (some of which I definitely rant on about better than others I think) and I hope leaves you thinking about how we can rethink the ways we've been taught to think and feel about boredom.
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
A theme that seems to come up a lot with the people I work with is around the anxiety and stress that comes up from feeling a lack of clarity for ND people. I even wonder if it's something that feels a lot worse the further you are on the margins with your intersecting identities too because this is something I've struggled with as well.
This episode looks at why we might feel so damn messed up when things don't feel clear, rather than feel like we can go with what we want to do next or solve the issue our own way and some thoughts on what you can do to support yourself. This also ties in a little more with the boredom episode, I did previously (where I blame all the things on society in that one too).
Three thoughts on a lack of clarity:
1. Our autonomy has been taken
2. Seeing too much around us to decide what's most important
3. Double masking challenges
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
Boredom often connects to productivity for me and this didn't sit right with me for some reason, so I decided I needed to learn more about it. The initial title for this episode was 'is boredom really our fault though?' and that question was what guided my research. It made me wonder if there was more to it. I think I was right.
This episode hits on a few ideas around how anticipation, autonomy, creativity and flow might connect to boredom and how boredom might be telling us a lot more than just 'there's nothing to do and I really hate that...'
This is the first of a short series on some thoughts and ideas around boredom.
Three things on boredom in society:
1. Boredom as anticipation of something to happen
2. Boredom as a way to police free time
3. Boredom as potential for (unwanted) change
Resources:
What does Boredom do to us and for us
Why boredom is anything but boring
The fascinating history of boredom
Affect and critique: A politics of boredom
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This week's episode looks predominately at refugee (although, I do think I mention immigrant populations occasionally too) populations and my thoughts about some of the research I've been doing around lack of mental health support. I don’t hear a lot talked about this community when speaking about ADHD or neurodivergence and that's a problem especially with the kind of things I learned. Indeed, there aren't many studies on it either and when there are, they tend to focus on refugees living within certain countries. Culturally competent care is so incredibly necessary because I think this episode shows how clinician biases can really keep people from seeing beyond what they want to see and not what else could be true at the same time too. This is one of a few episodes I've recorded on this topic around immigrant, refugee and asylum-seeking communities and neurodivergence.
Three thoughts on:
1. Significantly higher mental health needs
2. PTSD and depression are the most frequently diagnosed
3. Reasons for underutilized services
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Resources:
Mental health care utilisation and access among refugees and asylum seekers in Europe: A systematic review
Systematic Review and Meta-analysis: The Prevalence of Mental Illness in Child and Adolescent Refugees and Asylum Seekers
Autism Spectrum and Other Neurodevelopmental Disorders in Children of Immigrants: A Brief Review of Current Evidence and Implications for Clinical Practice
Association between immigrant background and ADHD: a nationwide population-based case-control study
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This here is episode 50 and I am so thrilled to welcome my first guest! The most special-est, wonderful-est person I know talks to me about creativity, school and lots more. I know they'll leave you smiling with their wisdom and insights. It's short but it feels like my best episode yet.
Thank you all for being here for the first 50!
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode talks a little about the story of someone I work with and from an intersectional lens (being an immigrant to a "western country", second language speaker and a person of colour). The problems that he was going through in order to get a proper diagnosis and thoughts on three things have made it difficult for him to get the proper diagnosis and support that he needed. These are merely some initial thoughts as I go deeper into this in upcoming episodes specifically when looking at immigrants, refugees and asylum seekers and neurodivergence...
CORRECTION: I mention PDA profile autistics and making eye contact with ease, but actually want to clarify that it LOOKS as if it's easy and natural, but it's not always the case! It can be extremely spoon-draining to mask in ways where you're forcing yourself to make eye contact as a PDA autistic too!
Three thoughts on:
1. Lack of cultural competency
2. Language barriers
3. Clinician bias of language
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
In this episode, I'm musing on inflexible thinking. I don’t think that we’re naturally inflexible as much as it’s just naturally looking at what matters to us at the moment. It looks inflexible, but the thing is that you’ve not convinced us (or I've not convinced myself) that what you think is important is really that important.
I'm not saying that there isn't an EF skills component to this, but perhaps inflexibility is a little more than us struggling to do what is important, but like everything, more complex. There's a whole lot of layers to get us to shift from what we think is necessary now to believe and feeling that another thing is actually important even if it's not happening at that moment yet.
This episode looks at 3 things that happen when we're trying to be a little more flexible.
- Consistency in meeting immediate needs
- Convince me (what I can't see) it matters more
- I can’t see what’s important later
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode looks at Black Excellence and exceptionalism and how this might be experienced with neurodivergence.
NOTE: I do stick to centering race in this episode, but I believe that depending on the different identities you hold there will be a lot of familiar feelings here. There's a lot of complexity in these topics.
Three thoughts on navigating exceptionalism while trying to excel:
1. Access implications
2. Imposter syndrome
3. Whiteness as the reference point
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Resources:
Narrative Therapy with Coaching: an introduction
We Need to Talk about the Pressure of Black Excellence
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
The start of season two and the format is a bit different. A bit shorter, a bit more stories, not just the strategies but also a lot more centering intersectional neurodiversity.
This neurodivergent space is full of erasure. It’s in the language and the way that it centers white people and not just white boys in its assessments and who the influencers, big named leaders etc are in the space. When we’re dealing with seeing the same type of people share the same type of stories, we get the same type of support and solutions.
Three ways we gendering presentations erases the experiences of the most marginalised or historically marginalised identities:
1.Female autism as a way to hide -isms in the system
-
Inattentive ADHD as a way to explain some ADHD presentations depending on who it is
-
The system harms white people too
Dr. Devon Price:
Article mentioned
Wentworth Miller, Mental Health Stigma, and Masked Autism
Preorder their newest book:
Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity
His latest book:
Laziness Does Not Exist
Connect with me:
IG: @nd.narratives
Twitter: @ndnarratives
Site: Neurodivergent Narratives
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
I’m not just going to leave you thinking that it’s a lost cause and that there’s nothing we can do when we’re dealing with rejection. I don't think it's like that I’ve made improvements, I’ve made shifts in my thinking and I’ve made my way forward. I think there is something that is so powerful when we remember that we’ve got a choice. It's not easy to manage rejection, but I think that there are ways that we can get better at it. I think that there are ways that we can see how it is for us and find what works rather than be resigned to a life of complete unpredictability with our emotional dysregulation.
Things I'm trying:
1. How we read situations
2. Struggles with introspection
3. Emotional regulation strategies
4. Movement matters
5. Managing racing thoughts
6. Understanding our triggers
7. Understanding our processes
8. Understanding our differences
Takeaway:
The real problem of being labelled rejection sensitive.
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode came up from one of my patron's question about rejection and the ability to decipher what rejection stems from ADHD (or other neurodivergent conditions) and what doesn't. The thought being, that if there were a way to figure this out, then maybe there might be a way to manage rejection better because of its source. This episode is my thoughts on the complexity I feel around rejection and why.
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
Here's part two in the series on thoughts about "RSD" (rejection sensitivity dysphoria). This one is where I dive into some thoughts on rejection from an intersectional lens and wonder what kind of narrative we learn about who is rejected and how we're all forced to deal with rejection based on the identities that we hold. What kind of messages are we given about rejection? What are the expectations to manage rejection determined by? Is it all in our heads?
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
RSD : Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a cluster of emotionally painful symptoms that arise in reaction to perceived judgement or rejection from others.
It’s no surprise that we’re rejection sensitive. We’re sensitive about a lot of emotions, not just rejection. Emotions feel big in these bodies. Breakups make us fall to pieces but falling in love is something so euphoric too. But RSD, I’m still struggling with it. I know that people say they struggle with it and I’m not one to downplay anyone's struggles. But I guess the thing that I’m always stuck with about the RSD narrative is, is it something that we have (pathologically speaking) or is it something that’s happened to us (this society), a combination of both (ADHD symptoms and society), or is it something that’s completely different we’re dealing with like trauma... This episode is the start of a new short series where I start questioning some of the things I've learned about RSD.
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/theadhdgoodlife)
This episode is one where I give some initial thoughts on shame and blame. I've been drawn to Audre Lorde's quote that "there are no single-issue problems because we don't live single-issue lives" and I really appreciate this when I think about intersectionality and neurodiversity because we are such complex beings but often grow up not seen or able to show that complexity.
We are so different, yet are pressured into being "the same" and trying to give "explanations for and fix" our differences so that we can make sure others don't feel the discomfort (or we don't feel the discomfort) that comes with taking responsibility or facing shame. Blame is a lot easier to do and sit with, whether we're blaming ourselves or others. Shame not so much and there's a lot of ways we're defined by the one thing that we're blamed for and then shamed (or feel shame because of it), meanwhile our differences don't make it into the part of our story and they need to be.
Thoughts include:
Blame as a way to deal with shame
Blame, being invisible and shame tied together
No single issue problems
Lack of representation and colour blindness
Thoughts on self-blame
Takeaway:
Seeing differences
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode is a little different than I've done before. It's the audio taken from an IG Live that I recorded (and it's on my IG feed) where I finally shared my feeling and response on another podcast where it was said that there were no Black ADHD coaches, and the apologies that came after this. This is my response. There's an intro that explains the situation in more detail followed by the normal podcast intro, and then into the IG Live audio from there.
Erasure is something that so many of us experience in our lives when our struggles are not seen and our pleas for help go ignored. For those of us from the most marginalised groups in society, we experience erasure on a near-daily basis. We've grown up with the messages that the things that are fundamental to who we are, are not worthy of being seen or acknowledged. Erasure ignores our struggles, our needs and our unique experiences in the world. It's harmful, violent and racist and we all need to do better in considering where our privilege allows us to erase the lived experiences of others.
This podcast explores this not only in the scope of this podcast but also in my own life as well. I hope that we can learn something together.
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
In part three of my mini-series on Blame and Responsibility, I talk more about responsibility and what's made it difficult for us to take responsibility. It also looks at the importance of responsibility in taking action and how we can start looking at it a little differently to make some changes in our lives.
Things I've Realised:
1. How we've learned to react
2. Responsibility not being modelled
3. Blame as disempowering
4. Blame vs Responsibility
Takeaway:
Reflections on patterns of blame (and self-blame) and journaling prompts
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
There are so many examples of where we see blame culture in society and the way that it impacts how we're able to see ourselves and the things that we sometimes feel we're able to do for ourselves. Many of us have hurdles to climb, so if it feels like it can be never ending sometimes, there are lots of reasons for it.
Review on the previous episode but go back to episode 35 to hear more...
1. Poverty and Black People
2. COVID-19 in the UK
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This week I'm starting a three part series on blame and responsibility. Blame is disempowering and it's hard to take responsibility when we grow up learning that who we are is always the problem. This episode looks at why that is and how I think this society has us blaming each other and ourselves so that the real problems that hold us all back can go ignored.
My thoughts:
1. School and Blame
2. Blaming ourselves
3. Learned helplessness
4. Intersecting identities
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This week I share on self-care, but not so much on what I think we should do to take care of ourselves but why it's so damn difficult to do things for ourselves even when we know it's good for us. Self-care feels like a buzz word and we're shamed for doing it or shamed if we can't. But I think it's so much more layered and the difficulties in putting our needs first are way more complex. Just like everything else in life, leading with a lot more self-compassion will definitely be key.
Key points:
Self-care is connected to what we need in the moment
We're not trained to feel we can take time out for ourselves
Looking to others to see if we deserve it
Struggling with self-regulation makes it difficult
Self-care in cycles (we don't always need the same things to take care of ourselves)
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode builds on intersectionality (see episode 15 for an introduction) as a tool to better understand the social problems in today's society by looking at the role of power in the organisation of society. For intersectional analysis, there are four domains of power and I talk about them today and give examples to better illustrate what I mean.
- Structural domain
- Disciplinary power
- Hegemonic power
- Interpersonal power
Take away: understanding our own privileges and oppressions
Resource mentioned:Episode 15: Intersectionality 101Ta Neshi Coates:The Case for Reparations (The Atlantic)
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
In the final part of my series on potential, I have a think about how perfectionism plays a role in this whole mess and what I'm trying to do about it. I really believe that perfectionism is something that we end up struggling with because of what we learn about potential growing up too and this episode looks at how that happens, why that continues to limit us and what I'm learning to do about it.
Remember:
1. Potential is about the future
2. Our past self isn't the person that goes after potential
What I learned:
1. Perfectionism is about a self that doesn't exist
2. Perfect-future selves keep us frozen with inaction
3. Daydreaming as stimulation, not evidence
What we can do:
1. Get to know yourself
2. Big goals scare you (in a good way)
3. Decide a way forward
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode is part 3 of my series on potential. I consider my past self and future self, what all that has to do with potential and what I'm learning about what it means to take my potential back along the way. If you haven't checked out my last couple of episodes on potential do that first. They consider why potential has been such a difficult word for us and how we can start to redefine it for ourselves.
What I'm Doing Now:
- Become more self-aware
- Set our own idea of success
- Do the inner work
- Someone’s opinion on your potential has nothing to do with you
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode is part two of an impromptu series I started on potential. This is a word that I've grown up using but really disliking. It's something that a lot of us ADHDers have nightmares about no doubt. This episode starts to look at another way of thinking about "potential" and why we might have been misled to what it actually means and why.
What I'm learning:
1. Potential is about the future but we get stuck in the past
2. Potential should be set by us and no one else
3. Potential should inspire us, not shame us
4. Potential isn't actually attainable - and that's a good thing!
5. Reaching potential should never have been the goal
6. Potential should grow and change as we do
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
As ADHDers, we grow up with potential being lorded over us and being told that we can't seem to meet it, and any time we come close to it, we just never quite manage to grasp it. It's become a word that I've really come to dislike, and this episode explains why...
This is a short series I'm going to do where I'll explore what is potential and whether we've been taught to think of it in the wrong way? If so, how can we go about changing those beliefs in a way that makes sense and works for us? Either way, hopefully, this episode will have you rethinking about what potential should mean for you.
The Problem with Potential and ADHD
1. Invisible condition that's consistently inconsistent
2. We're working the best we can
3. Society already decided our potential for us
4. Potential is often set by looking at us
5. Gender binary problems - always!
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
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There's so much we need to relearn and unlearn in this journey to living at our best with ADHD (and our other neurodivergent conditions) and a lot of the ways that we learned to talk to ourselves, is definitely one of the things. In this episode, I share some of my favourite phrases that we need really understand what they mean, how damaging they are so we can finally start to let them go.
What we heard growing up:
1. "Try Harder"
2. "You're being lazy"
3. "Pay closer attention"
Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt I'm wearing: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode is the last half of the previous episode (although there is a touch bit of overlap), but it defines cognitive dissonance a little clearer. It also goes into more of some of the ways I'm trying and learning in order to keep the should-ing language a lot less and manage the discomfort of cognitive dissonance.
What I thought:
A quick review of some thoughts around what I should be
What I learned:
Different factors affecting the degree of cognitive dissonance
What I'm trying:
1. Remember ADHD is a disability
2. Self-doubt and the brain
3. Disprove old beliefs
4. What other ways could I try?
Resources
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326738#overview Connect with me:On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt on my Cover: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
I read some where that saying should to yourself was like always being in cognitive dissonance and I really felt that it made so much sense. for us ADHDers we seem to always be in cognitive dissonance because we’re always stuck between what we feel we want to be/do and what we feel we should/shouldn’t do/be. It’s such an uncomfortable place to be too. This episode looks at what I’m learning about ‘should’ about reducing the amount of ‘should-ing’ I’m doing on myself.
What I’m learning:
1. It’s hard to hold two conflicting thoughts in my head at the same time on the topic about myself
2. It’s hard to change something I’ve always believed
3. Our brains really like to know what’s going on
4. ADHD makes learning new thoughts really difficult
5. Messages from society really impact what we feel we should/shouldn’t do
Takeaway:
Learning to reduce the gap between should and what you want.
Connect with me:
On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt on my Cover: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode is one of my most personal yet where I share more about growing up as a transracial adoptee and how I learned that hiding and becoming invisible and being what I thought everyone wanted me to be was my way for avoiding the unpredictability of other people's reactions to me being different. I look at what I'm trying to do in order to become more visible and step into my power. What is working and what I'm still working on during this slow, yet powerful journey to becoming myself.
What I grew up with:
- The impact of colour blindness
- Being a transracial adoptee
- Lack of representation
What I'm learning (and trying)
- Saying no (or yes)
- Feeling my emotions
- Quit over apologising
What I'm learning (and still struggle with)
1. Feeling comfort in my body
2. Comfortable with compliments
3. Comfort with success
4. Putting my needs first
5. Using my voice
Take away:
One small self-care promise to develop self-trust...
On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!Intro & Outro music: Joseph McDade T-shirt on my Cover: ND Renegade
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
I've talked a lot about learning about the impact of my ADHD on my life and understanding it more, but I couldn't continue this mini-series centring ADHD without considering how I'm learning to recognise and utilise my strengths in things I liked but also how I might harness them more often in areas that I'm struggling with.
What I'm learning:
- Creativity
- Interpersonal Intuition (totally messed up and said intuitive thou!)
- Hyper-focus
- Impulsivity
- Energy
- Time
- Sensitivity
- Memory
How I'm using/finding my strengths:
- ADHD strengths &
- My sense of time
- What feels great it
- Natural flow
- Curiosity
Resources:
https://www.simplywellbeing.com/being-adhd/adhd-intuition/https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-creativity-of-adhd/
Connect with me:
On IG@theadhdgoodlifeOn FB@adhdgoodlifeOn Twitter@theadhdgoodlifeSite:www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self-compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
Here’s the second half from last week. This time I look at what it’s been like to try to maintain my ADHD management and some of the thoughts and tricks I’ve learned along the way. The first half of this episode might seem a bit dismal (I’m learning just like the rest of you), but there are ideas and things to think about that can make all the difference too that I explore in the second half.
What I realised
- It’s on-going
- It’s consistently inconsistent
- Hyperfocus can go for a long time
- My own internalised ableism
What I’m doing now:
- Understanding my processes
- Old habits die hard
- Be aware of clues
- Lots of inner work and healing
- Forgiveness and grace
- Decide my own needs and declaring
Takeaway tips:
- Things to think about
- Cultivating sel compassion
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This week is another patron’s request podcast episode and this one centers ADHD more than any others I’ve written before. I’m talking about how I’ve been learning to understand my ‘Brand of ADHD’ and the ways that it impacts my life when I’ve not been as aware about it. I think that understanding who we are is vital if we’re going to get a good idea of what we need in order to be at our best. At the end of the day, ADHD can be very disabling so the better we know how it looks for us, the better we’ll be at putting the supports in place to work with it, rather than against it.
This is the start of a two or maybe three part series I’m not sure yet but I think that looking at the beginning months of my journey might be a good start for many people about things to think about on their journey.
What I thought
- Meds were the only answer
- Coaching was the other answers
What I know now:
- Learn my ADHD symptoms
- Notice good coping mechanisms
- Notice what brings joy
- Notice distractions
- Notice unhelpful coping mechanisms
- Understand your co-occuring conditions
- Understand your meds
Remember: It’s an on-going thing, and consistently inconsistent.
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
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On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This week is I took a bit of a break from the series I’m in the middle of and asked my Patrons what they might want to hear me speak on. Self validation is something that’s a bit tricky for ADHDers and we look to others to make sure that we’re doing all we should be doing and end up in the trap using their feedback as a way to validate ourselves. It gives other people a lot of power over us when we look to them to decide if we can feel good about ourselves or not. The podcast looks at how this shows up in my life what I’ve learned so far and things I’ve trying to do in order to change things.
What I’ve learned so far: 9:35(ish)
What I’ve tried: 19:30 (ish)
Takeaway tip: 32:30 (ish)
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
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Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This characteristic of either/or thinking really permeates into how I’ve made decisions in the past and how I’ve thought of myself. It’s been difficult for me to think in terms of grey area in my life and decisions. I’m a person that believes I need to have the exact qualification, I need to look the exact acceptable way otherwise it’s wrong. I grew up with things having to be a certain way, or I was wrong. There was no space for other ideas or thinking.
But this seems to go completely against the way that our brains work and lead to a lot of dissonances, as we must try to make ourselves do the one thing the way that we’ve been told or else it’s wrong. We’re wrong. This often leads us to feel anxious and overwhelmed because we want to explore the options as we know there must be, but we can’t because of urgency and this kind of thinking. It’s not a natural way of thinking for us to navigate, yet we hyperfocus on why we can’t just do the thing at the same time.
This episode
- Basic information (as seen on dismantlingracism.org)
- What I learned
- How it might impact ADHD and different thoughts on intersectionality
- What I’ve done to start dismantling this thinking
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
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Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
I’m back with part two of this episode and this is where I go into the impact that this belief might have on us ADHDers and what we might struggle with. This episode looks at what we can do to start dismantling these ideas in all of us.
Challenges for ADHD:
- Writing struggles
- Speaking expectation
- Intuitive intuition
- Attention span for reading and writing
- Black ppl getting more severe diagnosis for mental illness anyway
- Schools testing
- Black students seen as less intelligent
- We have many skills and they aren’t recognised
What I’ve learned:
- figure out which things need to be written down and come up with alternative ways to document
- work to recognize the contributions and skills that every person brings to the organization
- make sure anything written can be clearly understood
- Ask yourself: How are you perpetuating/internalised this belief? How are you working to recognise the different contributions and skills of ppl you work with, in your family and supporting growth in those areas?
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
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Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode explores the importance of the written word (in English) and its impact on society. The importance of writing/reading/speaking in English is a huge part of white supremacist culture history and its importance is seen in schools and work places too. Your intelligence is dependent on how well you read and write, as if there are no other ways to communicate and share information. For ADHDers this can be challenging. But it’s what’s valued and if it’s not written down then it’s not true. It’s also been used a lot over history to spread ideas that encourage and enforce the idea that white people and their ideas and beliefs are best, while erasing and devaluing the history of other cultures.
Part 2 looks more at the impact on our ADHD And what I’m trying to do in dismantling this belief for myself and how I work with others.
- What I learned
- Different thoughts on intersectionality
- How it looks in the world
Resources:
Akala talks Black history here: https://youtu.be/WUtAxUQjwB4
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
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Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
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Looking at part two of this characteristic of white supremacist culture, only one right way, I’ll be sharing more about how it impacts our management of ADHD and how it’s existence makes the very way our brains operate wrong. I’ll look into what I’ve learned about myself and what I’ve been trying to do to dismantle this belief in my head. I’ll end with some tips that you can do too. If you missed the previous episode, give a listen to who I break it down and theorise how this might look from intersectional lenses in various marginalised communities.
Key points:
- Inconsistent and ADHD
- If you met a person with ADHD, you met a person with ADHD
- Talents we have often don’t include only one way to do something
What I learned so far:
- Same goal can be achieved through many alternative paths
- Learning from my mistakes (and accepting the way I do things)
- Never assume you know what’s best
- Widen your circle of friendships
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You!
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode is continues my series which looks into the characteristics of white supremacist culture with the idea that there is only one right way. This is only one right way to be, to do things, to believe, to think, to live etc...The resistance, shaming and corrections we experiences with our families, schools and careers, when we impulsively give suggestions for help, sharing our ideas or even in creating a different process in doing something that is more helpful for us or even makes more sense, shows that any challenge to the way things are done, is not acceptable. We quickly learn that if you can’t get on board with the way things are done then you are the problem and must change in order to fit.
This characteristic doesn’t take into consideration the complexities of who we are, our conditions, our cultures and the intersecting identities that we all have and the oppressions that we face. These differences in all of us can make accessing the tools to reach these unrealistic expectations difficult for most of us, but also impact the way we see ourselves and are seen by others, which can make even our attempts to do so met with ridicule or shame.
I’ve split this characteristic into two episodes. This first episode looks deeper at what this characteristic means and how it might look from various intersectional lenses. I’ll talk more about the specific aspects of this characteristic as taken from the work by Tema Okun at www.dismantlingracism.org and sharing my thoughts on how this could look in the lives of various communities.
Key points:
- The belief that there is one right way to do things. Once people are introduced to ‘the right way,’ they will willingly adopt it;
- When someone does not adapt or change, then something is wrong with them (and there is nothing wrong with those who are expecting that change or conformity in the first place).
- Causes significant barriers to change, agility, innovation, and teamwork
- Creates a sense of exclusion and isolation for people who are not comfortable or at ease with ‘the right way
- Often involves stubbornness and dogmatism: a position is final and not up for discussion, even in fairly low-stakes decisions and conversations
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You! https://bit.ly/2Zv455h
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This week we start a series on the characteristics of white supremacy society and how it’s so harmful for our ADHD brains. We’ll be exploring this over the next little while because I think as we break down these expectations, we’ll start to see that not only was this world not made for us, it’s also damaging for us to try and find a way to make these work in our lives.
Perfectionism is the first characteristic of this white supremacy culture I’m looking at. The focus is on doing things right for the person in charge and any mistakes you make come to define you as a person. In this society, we’re quick to point out what people do wrong without showing them how to learn from their mistakes or how to keep their mistakes separate from who they are. What’s worse is that this one is a characteristic we internalise and that helps to keep the culture alive.
The stress for ADHDers starts early. The constant criticisms and corrections prime us to keep remembering that we are the problem because of all the mistakes we make (that we assume others don’t make) and how we need to do and be better. We end up in a cycle of endless self betrayal in a need to find a way to fit the expectations set for us in society in order to keep the lie of the culture alive.
This episode is the one that gives a bit of my thoughts on the intersection between ADHD and the culture of perfectionism and some what I’m trying to do now to start dismantling perfectionism in myself. Leave a 5 start review and comment on this one! It’s a really easy way to support my work and I could use that support...Thanks!
Impacting our ADHD:
- Harmful coping mechanisms
- Anxiety
- Becomes maladaptive
- Focus on ourselves (miss more around us)
What I learned:
- Practice self compassion
- Practice making mistakes
- Practice giving yourself feedback
What you can do too:
- Keep working on your self compassion Ebook (see link below!)
- Learn to reflect on the tasks: WWW, EBI
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You! https://bit.ly/2Zv455h
Resource:
www.dismantlingracism.org
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This episode is an intro to white supremacy culture. A very, very, light intro because as the weeks go on and into each characteristic I explore, I’ll learn more and unpack more of what the might be like for us ADHDers to manage these beliefs and ideas that have been programmed in us. This episode defines the term and talks a bit about some initial thoughts I have about how this culture impacts our ADHD. I begin to think about why learning how we are upholding the culture by believing and embodying these characteristics has been so toxic for us. Finally I suggest what I think we need to do in order to begin dismantling them in ourselves so we can move forward to better support the communities around us.
Key points:
- Definition of white supremacy culture
- Initial thoughts on the intersection between ADHD and white supremacy culture
- Why understanding the culture matters
- Initial thoughts on how we can start to dismantle the culture
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You! https://bit.ly/2Zv455h
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This week’s episode is a little different than others I’ve done, but I think it’s still a good one. It’s an introduction to intersectionality because I think that it’s important to understand when we’re talking about our unique experiences with ADHD. Quite often ADHD symptoms and presentations don’t consider the intersecting identities that determine what oppressions our ADHD brains must manage and how it affects us because of them. With ADHD being so impacted by the environment around us, how can we not talk about this from a lens of intersectionality?
This episode loosely defines intersectionality through stories and examples of what it is and why it matters, mostly through my own ADHD stories, but also through some of the oppressions and challenges other marginalised groups might face as well. Although this episode doesn’t give actionable tips per say, it should help you understand why advocacy of any sort needs to be from an intersectional lens. Without it, we can’t accurately analyze the problems particular groups face, and thus can’t produce solutions that accurately meet their needs.
I also have a bit of a rant about the ADHD industry, the need for intersectionality when advocating, and my thoughts on gender diversity being absent from a lot of the ADHD conversation.
Key points in the episode
- Definition of intersectionality
- Intersectionality and power
- The importance of lived experiences
- ADHD Industry & Coaching
- Advocacy - good and bad
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You https://bit.ly/2Zv455h
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
This week is on self compassion and self kindness, something that I’ve realised is essential to our growth into becoming the people that we want to be, but we don’t really talk a lot about it. We do tend to talk a lot on how awful it feels to be criticised though, often because we’re ruminating on things and talking crap to ourselves the whole time.
I’m learning that in order to try new things, speak up for ourselves and generally start living the way we need to, we have to start feeling comfortable with making mistakes and doing things differently. In order to feel a lot better about that, how we talk to ourselves and how we receive criticism, because it’s inevitably going to happen, matters. Nothing about change comes easy, and if we’re still talking to ourselves in ways that make us fearful of making mistakes and making them define who we are, then we’re going to keep hidden and staying stuck.
In this episode I talk about how criticism has kept me afraid to make changes for myself, while developing coping mechanisms to avoid criticism as much as possible (which doesn’t actually work for creating a life you want for yourself by the way!). When I started thinking about all the mistakes that I was going to make on this journey, I knew that how I was treating myself, wasn’t going to be a great motivator to being brave and trying new things. It got me thinking about what I really had to do for myself, so my ongoing journey into developing a practice of self compassion began.
What I thought:
- Perfectionism
- People pleasing
- Being Black in white space
What I know now:
- Self compassion is made up of three parts
- Self compassion is necessary for personal growth
What I learned/ did:
- Worthiness
- Mindfulness/ meditation
- Tracking how I talked to myself
- Progressive Language Affirmations
- Changing criticisms
- Doing small promises of self care
- Taking more practice pauses
Takeaway:
Grab my new EBOOK: They Were Wrong About You! Self Compassion with Neurodiversity in Mind’ FREE: https://bit.ly/2Zv455h
Resources:
Defining self compassion: www.selfcompassion.org
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
My website: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
I think this episode is might be especially helpful for the more recently diagnosed ADHDers (or maybe those folx who are just starting to do some work around their feeling about their ADHD or think they may have ADHD).
This week I talk about our feelings about difference and how they can impact the ways we show up for ourselves in our lives. This is something that I’m getting to understand more about myself. We all have ideas about what it means to be different and we might say things like, ‘to be different is great and it means being unique etc…’ but in actuality we grew up witnessing folx being discriminated against, ridiculed, rejected or excluded. This can change how we really think about ourselves after an ADHD diagnosis.
I think all those things impact how we see ourselves and how easy or difficult it is for us to embrace who we are so that we can create a life that works for us. When we struggle to accept these differences, were often still stuck in the hope that we can be fixed and become more like everyone else whose brain is ‘normal.’ Oftentimes it’s about confronting these beliefs so that we can unpack them and redefine what difference can mean for us so that we can be the people that we want to be.
I’m always learning more about my thoughts about being different and trying to find ways to unpack these ideas so that I can decide what I need to let go of, and how I can manage my ADHD in ways that allow me to get what I need and still feel like I can thrive and become the person I see myself being: safe and free in all my differences.
What I thought
- Messages about being different
- Being different meant rejection
- Getting closer to the ideal
What I learned
- Needing to be fixed
- Radical acceptance
- Letting go of the messages
What I did
- Journaling
- Looking at the ‘shadow sides’ of my ADHD
- Looking for patterns in my thinking
Takeaway
- Journaling prompts
Connect with me:
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Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
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Criticism plays such a huge role in our lives and it impacts so much of how we see ourselves. We’ve been hearing how we mess up, are too much, or not enough for so long that oftentimes when we hear anything critical it automatically becomes something that we take on to mean something about ourselves and our worth. It’s no wonder that to avoid it we end up looking to other people in order to learn how to get approval at all costs. At least that way we have an idea of what it may take in order for us to be deemed enough and maybe we can avoid some of the impact of these tough feelings.
These days I’m really fascinated with how much I’ve let the outside world impact how I think of my inner one and understanding the ways that I’ve let other people dictate how I thought of myself and why I needed to be like everyone else, has been an important part of my journey to unpack. I’m still unpacking it if I’m honest! But for now all I’m doing in this episode is talking a bit more about criticism, thinking more about how society creates conditions for us to stop trusting ourselves so that we end up just trying to be like what everyone wants us to be, and how every criticism seems like it’s a constant reminder of how we just don’t quite get it and we’ll never be good enough.
I talk a little about what I’m doing to try and learn a different way of thinking so that I can try to seek out the approval of one person: me.
What I thought
- over criticism in schools (particularly of Black students)
- the impact of gender roles in society
- self betrayal in order to fit in
What I learned
- fear of criticism is real
- self hatred from self betrayal??
- forever fixing ourselves
- stop taking risks
- not setting boundaries
What I did
- understanding what it means to get self approval
- my core values and beliefs
- small steps to prove I could trust myself
- stop comparing myself to others
- giving others permission not to like me
- setting small boundaries for myself
Takeaway:
- a small, helpful story to think about
Resources:
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
Pausing is one of those things I didn’t realise was such a big deal until I was diagnosed and realised it was one of those things people knew what to do. Yes, I’ve experienced a lot of great stuff in the past because of my undiagnosed ADHD due to my impulsivity, but I’ve also messed up a fair bit too because of my inability to always pause. This has impacted all areas of my life and it’s not something that has been easy for me to develop (it’s still not). It feels like a skill I’ve had to learn how to implement into my life and it’s not easy (nor have I become an expert in it!) But this episode talks about some ways I’ve tried to practice developing it and what’s been working for me.
What I believed:
- Lack of control in my life
- Lack of willpower
- Everything needed to fall apart
What I know now:
- Medication helps
- Meditation as training (and helping for mindfulness too)
- Go to phrases to stop making yes your go to answer
- Finding ways that work for you
What I did:
- Changing the way I saw myself
- Pausing takes practice
- Set alarms, reminders and visuals (to help with practicing)
- Brought back to my breath
What you can do too:
- When do you pause in your life? (Collect evidence)
- How can you add practicing more pauses in your life?
- Using reminders
Resources:
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
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We put meanings on everything, especially with our ADHD brains that go straight to avoiding and protecting ourselves when it comes to any criticisms. Our whole lives have been about being told all that we can’t do, or be. We’re sensitive creatures who typically tend to think we’re always wrong so to protect ourselves we try really hard to make sure we’re OK with people. But our sensitivity can make any comment mean either we were great or we weren’t. That’s a lot of power to give away to someone else in how we see ourselves! In this episode I talk about some stories of what I make things mean with people, why I feel we’re doing this (a lot!) and how I’m learning to clarify the real meaning when I feel like I might have connected what happened to making an inaccurate story in my head.
What I Thought:
- Feelings were facts
- I responded to feelings as if they were the facts
What I Learned:
- Breathe through triggers that come up
- Sit with the feelings to get a sense of the thinking behind them
How I Shared:
‘I felt very x when this happened. I made it mean y (because…connection to my past experience). Can you help me see what this was about for you?
Resources:
Please support the podcast on my patreon page
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
I think we grow up learning not to trust ourselves, ignoring what we feel is right for us because of all the ways we’re told by the people closest to us and the rest of society what we need to learn to change and correct. The criticism feels like so much and it’s so hard to navigate with our emotions, so we learn to stop listening to ourselves and do what others want in the hopes that they will befriend us, help show us that we can be better. We think that others may be able to guide us to be better. We’ve been wrong so often, we can’t trust that we know what’s right for us anymore. All the criticism around us teaches us that we can’t trust ourselves to do things without others’ help. This episode explores how this looks like for me with a few stories and the one thing that I’m doing to help develop my self trust and why this works.
What I knew:
- Not listening to my intuition
- Not remembering the lessons learned in past mistakes
- Constant criticism
- Listening to everyone else around me and not myself
- Feeling feel so intense,
The problems with self trust I experience:
- Control
- Perfectionism
- Oversensitive to criticism
- People pleasing
Takeaway tip:
- One Small Self Care Promise (ex: write 3 things you’re grateful for, drink a glass of water first thing, make your bed, stretch, do 10 push ups first thing)
Resources:
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter: @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
I wasn’t one for sitting with emotions. My life tends to go so fast that this was a practice that I couldn’t see the benefit in. I was pretty wrong about that. Being able to listen to my emotions and see how they come up for me in my body has been life changing in many ways. Understanding what triggers me, while noting the feelings and reactions that come up, has given me a lot more power to choose how I want to respond. This has been a good first step for me in learning to listen to my body, as I’ve discovered patterns and develop more trust. In doing that I know that when I’m willing to feel any emotion, there’s so much more I could do in the future.
What I did:
- Change state when I need to
- Breathe through it
- Label it
- Describe it in detail
- Write it down (when I’m looking for patterns)
Takeaway Tip
- Try labelling your thoughts and feelings throughout the day.
- Set multiple alarms remember to pause as you are
- Notice whether you’re having a thought or feeling
- Simply say ‘thought’ or ‘feeling’ without judgement
Connect with me:
On IG: @theadhdgoodlife
On FB: The ADHD Good Life
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
GIVEAWAY!!! Leave a 5 star review and comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify for a chance to win a copy of the book ‘Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn’t Designed for You’
For people with ADHD, Autistic folx and those with other sensory sensitivities, the sensory impact of Neurodivergent conditions can make our day to day lives even more challenging. Jenara Nerenberg’s new book ‘Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn’t Designed for You’ looks at the experiences of neurodivergent womxn and their challenges around sensory sensitivities. In her first book, she shares stories, strategies and tips for all of us and a message of solidarity for all womxn whose voices are stronger when we all support each other. This book is filled with lots of ways that you can design your world in a way that works for you and your sensory needs. It really is a great, easy read.
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Just in case you miss out on the giveaway: grab a copy of the book here
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
We are raised to think of all the things we’re not. As ADHDers we hear 20000 more negative comments than our neurotypical peers as children (probably more if we’re farther from societal ideals). We grow up hiding symptoms, apologising for ourselves and enduring school and other systems that don’t work with our differences in mind (including our intersectional identities!). We grow up with a damaged sense of self and low self worth. If we’ve grown up with undiagnosed ADHD, we don’t know what’s going on at all and that can feel even worse.
This episode shares a bit more about growing up and the messages I received about myself, how they shaped my experiences with undiagnosed ADHD, and what I’m trying to do now to be a lot kinder with myself as I explore becoming the person who I truly want to be
What I Learned:
1. Cultivating abundance
2. Looking for evidence
3. Progressive language affirmations
Takeaway tips:
1. Try your own progressive language affirmations:
Even though I’m learning what worthiness looks like for me, I’m still enough
I’m exploring what self worth looks like for me.
Connect with me:
On IG: https://www.instagram.com/theadhdgoodlife
On FB: https://www.facebook.com/adhdgoodlife
Site: https://www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Podcast to explore - on Apple Podcasts:
The Joy Junkie Podcast (with Amy Smith)
Apps I love:
Headspace - guided meditation & sleepscapes
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
I have always believed that if I could make a list of all the reasons why I was grateful, then I could just manifest all kinds of self love, money and other things I didn’t have in my life. Then eventually, they would show up in my life and I could truly live like I was grateful. But it's much bigger than that and when done properly and consistently, it really can make a difference. I can tell you, it’s definitely impacted mine. But it’s definitely a mindset that needs to be developed as consistently as possible, and this episode talks about how I’m trying to make this work for my ADHD brain.
Thoughts on Gratitude
- Message we’re told with our ADHD
- Gratitude as an on-going practice
- Gratitude connected to abundance
- Staying in the present
- Looking at all you have in your life now
Takeaway tips
- Bedside Notebook
- Gratitude Jar
- Gratitude 365
Resources:
Connect with me:
On IG: https://www.instagram.com/theadhdgoodlife
On FB: https://www.facebook.com/adhdgoodlife
Site: https://www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Podcasts (on Apple Podcasts)
Mindlove with Melissa Monte
likeawoman podcast with Rebecca T. Dickson
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
When you grow up with undiagnosed ADHD there are so many stories that impact how you feel about yourself, the way you show up in the world and the way your presentations are viewed by others.
Just because I had an ADHD diagnosis, didn’t mean that those narratives stopped playing, or that I could really show up in the ways I wanted to in my life. I tried to look for others like me so I could learn their stories and see what they did in order to reach their potential, only I couldn’t find many stories like mine. Unravelling the narrative doesn’t happen over night and is always ongoing, but there are few places I started in order to tackle this.
What I did to learn or grow:
- Asking myself some big questions
- Environmental factors
- Triggers
- Looking for evidence
- Societal Impact
- Finding myself in other stories
Takeaway tips:
- Get more info about yourself & the person you want to be
- Follow people who’s stories resonate with you (on Instagram)
Resources:
Connect with me:
On IG: https://www.instagram.com/theadhdgoodlife
On FB: https://www.facebook.com/adhdgoodlife
Site: https://www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my freebie resource: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Podcasts I follow (all available on Apple Podcasts):
Tracy Otsuka’s ADHD for Smart A*s Women
Patricia Sung’s Motherhood in ADHD
Kristen Carder I Have ADHD Podcast
Rene Brooks: Black Girl Lost Keys
https://blackgirllostkeys.com/
https://twitter.com/blkgirllostkeys
DM for her private FB page for black womxn
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)
The relief of knowing what is going on in your head after an ADHD (or perhaps any neurodivergent) diagnosis, is quickly overtaken by a journey, to know and understand who you are, and what still need to be unravelled, unlearned or accepted in order to create a life that truly works for you. A life where you can give yourself permission to be exactly as you are and feel comfortable in using what you need in order to thrive in it.
This first episode explores the ways I’ve learned more about who I am since my diagnosis and what I need to learn and work through so I can grow into the person I want to become:
- Understanding my brand of ADHD
- Decoding my ADHD Management needs
- Who am I now, really?
- Rebuild feelings of self worth
Takeaway tips to try:
- list accomplishments
- small self care promises
Click for my EBOOK: ‘They Were Wrong About You! Self Compassion with Neurodiversity In Mind’: https://bit.ly/2Zv455h
Connect with me:
On IG: https://www.instagram.com/theadhdgoodlife
On FB: https://www.facebook.com/adhdgoodlife
Site: https://www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentnarratives)