Explore Your Story: Recent Episodes
Dr Rachel Cason
Rachel is, amongst many other things, a Third Culture Kid therapist specialising in Life Story Analysis and Accompaniment, an approach she developed from her Sociological doctorial research into TCK identity, belonging and relationship to place. This podcast is a place she comes to contribute her ponderings on personal growth, working with pain, and the transformative change that comes from a better understanding of our own stories. For more information about Rachel’s therapeutic work, please visit: www.explorelifestory.com or drop her a line at rachelcason@explorelifestory.com
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What do our TCK stories tell us about aging? And how does this impact our identities? This episode throws open this question and explores how we can use our stories as a resource to help us understand where our own (perhaps multiple) constructs of aging come from, and how we can navigate this with mindfulness and gentleness.
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This last week I hit a familiar feeling - low motivation, a sense of 'what's the point anyway?' and general resistance to the elements and rhythms of my daily life. As with all of my confusing feelings, I tried to look at the context around it - and realised I was coming up to my three year mark: It's nearly three years I've been in this new house and my TCK clock was getting ready to lose it.
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So birthdays can bring up a lot for people, and for TCKs, these were often affected by mobility: Who do you invite to a party when you are the new kid? How do people celebrate here? And mine tends to make me pensive around identity also - who have I been this year, and where am I at now? And so in this podcast, I invite you to ponder with me those identities we inhabit but especially those we might stop short of claiming, because we "can't do them properly" or may feel we don't have time to establish.
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I've just read Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist" and now I know the secret of happiness... and it's reminiscent of what I see Third Culture Kids doing every day in the tension they work to hold - between the "here" in my hand and the "there" out in the world.
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Am I bad at communicating my needs, or did I just learn how to communicate in an indirect, obligation-based culture? Am I over-bearing, or did I just learn that high-volume enthusiasm is how one communicates love? The places of our stories have so much to offer in helping us understand why our way of being may not fit easily in the here and now, but is utterly functional - somewhere else!
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As with so many mainstream concepts, I find that Third Culture Kids often have a complicated and nuanced experience of "self-esteem", so it's definitely worth talking about! Some of us absolutely struggle with feelings of worthlessness, a grim and exhausting experience. Others of us, find that we have a strong sense of our own worth, and yet find ourselves feeling just as insecure of others' regard. What is going on? This podcast explores what I'm seeing in many TCKs - that we can know our worth AND have a really hard time believing or accepting the regard of others.
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So many Third Culture Kids tell me how they can feel suddenly triggered or 'tugged' back into a previous chapter by the "smallest thing". This can be an amazing moment of nostalgic joy but often it's a moment of pain - a flooding feeling that dislocates us from the present moment. If we are to avoid self-shaming for "over-reacting" or being "too sensitive", it's important to understand these emotional flashbacks as bruise points from our story. My most recent moment happened on holiday, in London. The smallest thing, and the biggest opportunity to practise my own self-compassion.
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I've been wrestling with rest this week, and contemplating how my TCK story complicates my relationship with rest. Also explored, how hard and awful it can feel to change our narratives! Even when that change itself feels good...
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Whether via health trauma or everyday cultural stories around body and wellness, health is a huge chapter in the Third Culture Kid story. Growing up with the classic, "Where There is no Doctor" book as a staple in my home in Niger, I explore here the role of health experiences on my own story.
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When staying in place, seasonal change becomes a helpful access point to change and novelty for Third Culture Kids. Join me in this episode as I contemplate how we can review and renew our multifaceted selves at the the season's change.
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There are so many elements to our selves as Third Culture Kids it can feel stifling to feel stuck in one iteration of self for long. Moving to places that invite a different self forward is one solution, but today I'm reflecting on how setting internal boundaries can spin the dial and allow different selves to take space alongside one another. In all this, the Japanese idea, "yutori" is one I'm finding very helpful - unhurried spaciousness applied to our many selves.
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Boundaries... we can have a very heavy relationship with this word. Fear of crossing them, of faux pas, and fear of setting them - this is the story for many Third Culture Kids. In this episode I'm exploring what it is about our experiences of mobility that can complicate boundaries for us, and how we can rebuild relationship with them.
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So many of us are struggling to learn how to overcome challenges, change thought patterns and achieve our goals. So why, just as we start to see ourselves make these hard won changes, do we sometimes hit a whole new level of discomfort - that of feeling good!? Many Third Culture Kids find that the struggle and change is more familiar to us than the work of maintaining 'arrival' in those good places we dream of...
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TCKs often grow up accustomed to the need to learn new skills quickly (with varying degrees of felt success!) and this can complicate our relationship to our identities as 'learners'. In some ways we receive feedback we are ahead of our passport peers, and in other ways we can feel very behind. In this episode I explore something that has recently got me contemplating my own belief about myself as a 'poor learner'.
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I hear this a lot, "but I don't want to need to take care of me". It's often in recognition of how much you've been through, how much taking care of yourself has already cost you... and the pain of realising how much time and energy your body, mind and heart are still asking of you... and today I'm sitting with you here.
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How does being a TCK impact how we approach reciprocity in relationships? In my experience, it often leads us to want to heavily weight the experience towards us being givers, rather than takers...
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It's the new year, and how are those resolutions coming along? Are you feeling motivated? Accomplished? Or, like me, are you wondering why your goals are now making you feel so judged?
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Today Rachel started recording the audiobook for her book, "Incredible Lives and the Courage to Live Them" (print copies currently available at https://amzn.eu/d/hd88atF), and shares her experience, as well as her gratitude. Audiobooks played a huge part in her TCK childhood, and she reflects on the significance of auditory communication.
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129 clients in, and nearly 8000 downloads in the last year of this podcast, and it's time to reflect before the year turns to 2024! In this episode I invite you to review your year too - with gratitude for the you that travelled with you these last 12 months.
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At a season where so many of us are wrapped up (see what I did there?!) in finding the perfect gifts, I want to take a moment to explore how the idea of being a gift to the world may have touched our story as Third Culture Kids, and how I'd like to offer a reframe.
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The familiar (and repetitive) scripts of Christmas Hallmark movies remind me of how we can find safety in the predictable stories we hold this season. However, it's worth exploring if these familiar stories are ones we are choosing, or if we even feel good about the characters we are playing!
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How comfortable are we when other people's stories of us don't align with how we want to be perceived? In my experience, it's a common human experience to feel the need to have some control over the story of who we are. For many TCKs, it's aligned to our very social survival...
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In this episode, I'm exploring the expectations that form around leadership for Third Culture Kids... what are your experiences?
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Ok, this is a fun one... What do we feel about breaking social rules? For me there is a shiver of dread around this, a reaction that remembers the cost of cultural faux pas. But what about if we are breaking rules intentionally? What rule would you break?
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This is such a common question I hear from Third Culture Kids trying to work out their relationship stories... and in this episode I want to explore what could be going on here for us. Why do we need to be so sure? And what could this focus on the other be denying ourselves?
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Now that I have an established space, I'm feeling a whole new set of feelings around inviting people into that space - my weird is showing on the walls! In this episode I explore more about the vulnerability of letting ourselves show up in our homes.
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Change has been the constant for so many Third Culture Kids, for so long. If there is one thing we can count on, it's change. Yet what is our relationship with change - and how much power do we feel we have in it?
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This title, "I Belong Where I Want To" feels so subversive... I'm so acutely aware of the pain I and so many other TCKs have felt around belonging that this phrase feels almost ridiculous. And yet I've come to believe it - utterly.
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Rachel explored discovering a new way to connect to her body, moving from self-consciousness into joy, and reflects on the ways our bodies hold different chapters of our stories.
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Rachel explores how many TCKs have learnt to minimize needs, to such an extent that the things we need to thrive start to feel like luxuries we shouldn't want. She offers another way in to discovering what our needs may be and how to acknowledge them.
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In this episode, Rachel goes head to head with here pet peeve - her own habit of living by old rules she don't want anymore... So many Third Culture Kids picked up rules throughout their lives, are they serving us anymore?
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Journaling comes up a lot as a tool to help us process our stories. In this episode Rachel explores why journaling can be useful to us, what blocks we may face and some options to open up journaling as an option for us.
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Rachel came across the idea of social capital in her sociology studies, but sees it come up a lot for Third Culture Kids. If social capital is the idea of the social networks that make us feel connected and embedded in our communities, do TCKs feel they have enough?
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Rachel's getting her loft boarded... and it's bringing up some Third Culture Kid stuff.
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"What's your favourite...?" This is not a fun question for me. For what occasion? In which country? In what language? Defining our preferences can be tough as TCKs, and this episode explores why and how we can approach this differently.
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Here again, Kristi Steele of www.kc360.co is asking questions many of us do about how TCKs may experience transition but this one is especially for those caregivers who want to be active participants in this challenging chapter of life.
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On May 19th I spoke to Melvyn Prior on BBC Radio Lincolnshire about TCKs and my book "Incredible Lives and the Courage to Live Them: Thoughts of a Third Culture Kid therapist".
If you are an adult TCK, you probably sense that the multicultural, high mobility experiences of your childhood continue to impact your life in some way now. Making sense of the impact of these experiences, however, can feel overwhelming, especially if we have long experience of our stories being met with bafflement and incredulity.
My hope is that this collection of my thoughts over the last seven years of working with Third Culture Kids will create space for you to explore and make sense of the incredible life you’ve lived.
More information about ordering the book can be found here: https://www.explorelifestory.com/book/
More of Melvyn's shows are available on BBC Sounds: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p001gr43
This episode comes to you thanks to Kristi Steele of www.kc360.co whose dedication to aiding college students transition well has extended to reaching out to me! Kristi asks me in this episode about what TCKs need to be considering (and what their parents should be aware of!) around the particular challenges they may face around romantic relationships as they start their college years.
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Many TCKs struggle with a sense of a shortened timeline - leading to a sense of 'now or never'. Rachel ponders how this impacts us and how her garden is stretching her ability to 'wait and see'.
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We often carry a sense of how a "good" TCK life should look - and the burden of this can be crushing.
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The "Fun" Self
Do we know who we are if we don't know what our personal preferences and pleasures are? How does "fun" get complicated when we are Third Culture Kids?
Trigger warning: pet loss
This last week has been full of grief, transition, joy and (as always with me) reflections on how my story informs how I'm experiencing this current chapter of life.
Let's take a few minutes together - join me on my winter walk and let's talk about how you are doing, what Christmas can bring up for TCKs and how even a walk can bring up self-consciousness!
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How do you know you belong? Walking through our landscapes can become one way towards a deliberate intent to belong, as Rachel explores here.
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One of my favourite people to talk "TCK" with is Tanya - she is so knowledgeable and generous with her insights. In this conversation we are talking through observations arising from the recent research she conducted with Lauren Wells around TCKs and ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences). ACE scores have so much to indicate around future physical and mental health outcomes for TCKs through their adult lives, so it's an important study for all of us who are TCKs or who are working with TCKs. And it was so good to connect over our mutual care for this wonderful community.
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I discovered a new language app this week - and it's a bittersweet revelation...
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The stories we tell - how do we act as ambassadors of our countries, and our Selves?
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Our beliefs and values around finances is a great indicator of identity - how we spend our money tells us about our priorities and preferences. Walk with Rachel through your own financial story in this episode.
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Sharing some of my own story in this episode - how moving into my current home has invited a whole new challenge around expressing self in this space!
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Do you know what your comfort zone is? Third Culture Kid comfort zones can look very different from other people's... and what about if you have never had one at all? Rachel ponders all this, and also how we distinguish comfort from something a lot of us dread... stuckness.
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This episode invites you to shed any shame you are holding for your past chapters and let go of any sense of needing to earn better chapters to come... You don't have to earn a good story - YOU are the good story.
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This is a tool that Rachel frequently recommends - it offers a place to integrate identities, express commitment to self and grounds us in our own thoughts and feelings. Will you build your own sacred space today?
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What can a tantrum serve? Well, for many TCKs it can be a healthy, albeit uncomfortable, moment where we are struggling with 'sameness' in our lives. It was for me this week and in this episode I'm talking about how sameness can trigger "I want to stop everything" feelings, and how we can move through these.
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Are we risk takers as TCKs? What is safety to us, and what feels like adventure? Our anxieties and needs may confuse those around us who already see us as adventurers... but what does your story have to say about it?
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Something I notice in my work is how often we can land in a place of frustration just as we feel the strength and goodness of our growth journey... we feel frustrated at ourselves for not making these changes sooner. This frustration can be disheartening, so what can we do about it?
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In this episode, Rachel reflects on how our relationship with our inner child is impacted by our cultural experiences of childhood. How can we recognise inner child when they show up, and how can we work WITH them to meet their needs, rather than against them?
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What can be so scary about feeling tired? Echoes of past physical limitations can be one reason, as can fear of not being enough...
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Uncomfortable feelings - Joy! What is it about feeling happy that can feel scary or uncomfortable? Turns out a lot of Third Culture Kids have ambivalent feelings about joy, and Rachel unpacks this in today's episode.
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What is it about independence that makes us feel safe? Given that so many of us avoid being 'needy' (or dependent), is there an alternative?
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A fair amount has been discussed about raising TCKs but what about being a TCK and raising a non-TCK child? Rachel explores the particular challenges this can involve and how responding to these challenges can illuminate ways of being with other non-TCKs too! As ever, knowing your own story is key...
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What messages about yourself and the world are you carrying? Where did they come from? Rachel explores the "scripts" that are handed to us and how these can be constraining.
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What's the deal with continuity? In this episode Rachel ponders what it can offer us in times of change, and why Third Culture Kids can feel ambivalent about it!
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Continuing with the series 'Uncomfortable Feelings', Rachel explores how we can reframe our relationship with anxiety. Can we accept anxiety as a predictable indicator of growth, or doing something difficult, without loading shame and fear onto ourselves?
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Here Rachel explores why it can be hard to feel good about being a 'tourist' but how this can help us re-engage with our passport environments. Can we holiday local, with a sense of delight?
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Parenting/Loving the Young TCKs in our Lives: Why do our stories matter so much when we support and nurture young TCKs? Here I explore what you can offer young TCKs in your life, by better understanding your own TCK experience.
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This started off about decluttering and then a conversation about why I don't want to! Why does 'stuff' matter so much to me... to you?
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Why does sadness make us uncomfortable? What have we been taught about this feeling?
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It's coming up to holiday season! What we look for in a holiday can give us some great hints about what we need in our everyday lives... what do you favourite holidays tell you about your needs?
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Let's explore how our experiences with the children in our lives are impacted by our own TCK stories...
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What does money have to do with our TCK experiences? Quite a lot, I think...
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This is the beginning of a short series that walks through Rachel's latest transition - home buying! The kind of commitment home ownership entails throws up some great questions for TCKs - this week about how we make decisions.
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This week is the first of a series I'm starting on Uncomfortable Feelings and we are kicking off with Anger! Let's explore our experiences so far with anger and how we respond to anger in others. And then what healthy anger could do for us.
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Places get infused with so many of our experiences that revisiting them can flood us with memories - sometimes painful ones. How can we revisit our past places, encounter our past selves and integrate these to our present? Some ponderings here...
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How many of us have loved languages, lost languages or carry shame around fluency? If this is you, you are not alone...
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Can we fail at being ourselves? It can often feel this way...
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Small Talk - are we scared of it? - So much of our talk about small talk is about how much we hate it! Here I wonder what's behind this, and if small talk actually just scares us a little...
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It's not unusual for us as TCKs to feel pressure to live meaningful enough lives. How can we understand our desire to find purpose, and to integrate this into our daily experience?
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Big scary word designed to push everyone away? Or invitation to closer, more sustainable relationships? This episode explores why so many of us TCKs find boundaries so challenging.
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Personal growth can get intense... so just wanted to check in, how are you? Have you done anything good for yourself today?
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Find decision-making hard? You aren't the only TCK who does... Listen to hear more about how this can show up in my client work, and where I think it comes from.
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"Bloom where we are planted" - What do we need to bloom? Here Rachel explores what time in her yard reminds her about the role of hope in growth, and how we can provide the conditions for that growth.
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In this podcast, Rachel explores the role of self compassion in transition, and how a better understanding of our needs can help us create supportive habits for ourselves, even in moments of transition.
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Rachel explores a technique of exploring your Self through images - how has your story of self changed through time - past, present and future?
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Limiting Beliefs - Limiting beliefs are something we are increasingly aware of and in this episode Rachel looks at what the impact of these can be on Third Culture Kids especially... and how we can shift them.
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Join me as I was interviewed by expat author, publisher and mentor Jo Parfitt, as part of her In Conversation Masterclass series of virtual events.
Do you know your story? Understanding your own story is key to writing great memoir – and in this In Conversation writing Masterclass Jo gains a therapist's perspective on writing. Jo wanted to explore how writers can start to 'own their story' – and why it matters. Thank you Jo for the opportunity to do this!
Audio used with permission of Jo Parfitt: https://www.joparfitt.com
What does a life audit look like? What kind of questions can we ask ourselves? In this episode, Rachel explores how taking stock of the shape of life can refocus us as author again, not just editor, of our life story.
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This episode signals a bit of a pause in podcasting while Rachel prioritizes client time at the moment - but she will be back so stay subscribed and get in touch about what topics you'd like to hear more of in the future! Thank you!
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Are your decorations down yet? A lot of people use this time of year to rearrange and deep clean their homes... Third Culture Kids can have an interesting relationship with (re)organising their spaces, and in this episode we consider how doing so can be an exercise in identity.
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This time of year is full of trying to set new goals and targets for the new year, but this year, what if we stop short of trying to improve ourselves for once, and simply celebrate who we've been so far?
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This time of year invites reflection and this year, perhaps more than most, it can be a bittersweet process. In this podcast Rachel invites you to join her in a meditation that walks through the metaphorical 'house' of your year 2020 and reflect on the state of four rooms there - and what you want different for 2021.
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How many of us feel disjointed in how we have experienced this season over the years, via different cultures and countries? Take some time to review the story so far to see how you want to write the story this year...
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This is one of the most painful feelings we can encounter, and one we often want to avoid or deny. But what is loneliness trying to communicate to us?
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How do our different cultural experiences impact our feelings about gift giving (and receiving)? If you find it an anxiety provoking element of this season... you are not alone!
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To whom do we belong? How can we manage the sense of not belonging anywhere properly, and that sense of rejection from places we do feel kinship with? Here Rachel explores how we can soothe our internal hierarchies regarding the parts of ourselves, and use compassion to achieve integration.
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How do you feel when people leave? In this episode I share what I'm going through as friends are moving away, and my process as I deal with this... I hope it's helpful!
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How did growing up abroad impact our relationship with animals? And how significant are pets to our stories now?
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As I gaze at the new additions to my own mantlepiece, I reflect on why it's so hard for many of us to put up pictures of the people that matter to us.
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What is it that makes us flinch so from our own bodies? So many of us have complicated relationships with our bodies, and this is no less so as Third Culture Kids. We carry so many, often conflicting, body expectations that meeting our own gaze in the mirror can be painfully uncomfortable. I don't think it needs to be this way...
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Autumn has been a season that has prompted reflections around loss for many cultures. Here, Rachel reflects on how we can honour loss - through remembrance, harvest, preserving. We can light the darkness of our own grief by naming our losses, and loving the parts of us that loved them.
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In this episode I explore why I avoid gratitude journals and how I lean into joy in the self instead. This can feel so counter-intuitive but I believe it's crucial for those of us who feel guilt or shame about what we "should" feel grateful for. This is especially problematic regarding experiences in our lives that leave us with struggles and challenges. Privileging our experiences of joy can help reclaim gratitude in a way that is lighter and less heavy than when it is used to shut down our more nuanced life experiences.
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Moving between cultures leads us to collect multiple (and at times, conflicting) experiences of our own gender. For every culture we encounter, there are different "right" and "wrong" ways of doing gender and this can complicate our experiences of identity. But complication becomes enrichment when we can map these out and make sense of where we have learnt our own sense of gender identity. And when we make sense of ourselves, then we have power over our self expression and sense of belonging.
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I'm talking to you on a grumpy-no good-terrible day. And by taking a moment to understand why I'm feeling so rubbish, I can make more sense of my story. We so often stick with ways of measuring our okayness that worked when we were younger - for me this was achievement and lists. But what happens when what counts as achievement changes as often as the countries in which we live? How do we achieve okayness then? And get rid of the grump? Join me as I ponder my own way through...
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Do you find yourself confused by your reactions to change or to stability/sameness? Let's assume you make sense, and explore together where these responses might have come from in your story, and what we can do to soothe our reactions.
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Over the course of her therapeutic work, Rachel has heard the call of the human heart for four distinct assurances - you aren't broken, you aren't, alone, all of you is acceptable and yes it can get better. Here she explores why they matter so much to us, and the difference they can make.
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Over a four part series, Rachel walks through different elements of home-building:
- Home as an intimate and representative space
- Home as friendships
- Home as place
- Home as the self
Come together with a group of 6 to 8 other Third Culture Kids over four weeks to explore the many homes of our stories, nesting, and feeling at home both locally and globally... and much more!
Let me know you want to join by emailing me at rachelcason@explorelifestory.com and I'll get in touch to set up a free 20 minute meeting with you via Zoom to talk through your hopes for the course and preferences around times and days etc.
I'm excited, and I hope you are too!
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Over the course of her therapeutic work, Rachel has heard the call of the human heart for four distinct assurances - you aren't broken, you aren't, alone, all of you is acceptable and yes it can get better. Here she explores why they matter so much to us, and the difference they can make.
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Over a four part series, Rachel walks through different elements of home-building:
- Home as an intimate and representative space
- Home as friendships
- Home as place
- Home as the self
Over the course of her therapeutic work, Rachel has heard the call of the human heart for four distinct assurances - you aren't broken, you aren't, alone, all of you is acceptable and yes it can get better. Here she explores why they matter so much to us, and the difference they can make.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Over a four part series, Rachel walks through different elements of home-building:
- Home as an intimate and representative space
- Home as friendships
- Home as place
- Home as the self
Over the course of her therapeutic work, Rachel has heard the call of the human heart for four distinct assurances - you aren't broken, you aren't alone, all of you is acceptable and yes it can get better. Here she explores why they matter so much to us, and the difference they can make.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Over a four part series, Rachel walks through different elements of home-building:
- Home as an intimate and representative space
- Home as friendships
- Home as place
- Home as the self
This series concludes by considering how we feel about our next chapters. Have we encountered plot twists? We can benefit from taking the time to consider our own authorship of our own stories, and where we want our next chapters to lead.
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It’s one thing to know our own story, to know ourselves, and to feel effective in how we communication our stories to other people. When does our behaviour seems to contradict the story we are telling others about ourselves? How do we feel when our narrative is challenged?
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This episode explores the characters we have admired in other people’s stories, and the characters we feel we have played out in our own stories. How do we feel about our characters, how others see and understand us? What roles or goals do we want for our characters in our story as it continues to unfold?
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In this podcast, Rachel explores how we tell our stories – to ourselves and to others. What were your favourite stories as a child, and what do they tell you about your needs and view of the world at that time? The different ways our stories get told for us, the family narratives that script out our characters for us, or the way we partition up the chapters of our stories, impact our view of ourselves today.
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In this episode, Rachel explores the way in which we can use Gary Chapman’s ideas around “Love Languages” to effectively offer love to ourselves. How can we extend love to ourselves in a way we can hear it? Sometimes the traditional ideas around self-care (bubble baths and quiet reading) is just not what we are drawn to – so here Rachel explores how we need to explore elements of all five love languages to able to properly keep ourselves ‘topped up’ and feeling good.
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Rachel is, amongst many other things, a Third Culture Kid therapist specialising in Life Story Analysis and Accompaniment, an approach she developed from her Sociological doctorial research into TCK identity, belonging and relationship to place. This podcast is a place she comes to contribute her ponderings on personal growth, working with pain, and the transformative change that comes from a better understanding of our own stories.
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