No Not the Mind Probe: A Doctor Who podcast: Recent Episodes
Porter Mason & John Grant
OK, invasion force! Everyone through the portal! No pushing! Let's be orderly while we invade. And please: get on your lion and/or bison masks! Let's look sharp coming through this portal!
These Doctor Who stories are passing the Bechdel test left and right! Two tales that center around young girls with big imaginations.
We take the podcast down where it's hotter, under the water. Forget your troubles. Life is the bubbles. Under the sea.
Davros and the Doctor: the original odd couple! Oh, when will these two crazy kids realize that they're not enemies? They're in LOVE, God damn it! Sweet, beautiful love! Also, the first ever Dalek story.
We consider whether this entire podcast is real, or just a vision in John's little snowglobe. Meanwhile, the Twelfth and Fifth Doctor do battle across the dreamscape, in a pair of the best stories we've ever watched in one episode!
Danny Pink: we hardly knew ye. Seriously. We didn't really ever get a chance to know you. But now you're gone! And you do go out with a bang. Plus, we finally see who the hell this Missy character is. Also: a half-great story from years past with all the trappings that Porter loves.
This episode you're going to want to watch in full sunlight, and make sure to surround yourself with a health amount of peat moss. The Doctor takes on nature's greatest scourge: PLANTS. Break out your hedge clippers, people!
In what is clearly an homage to the iconic Rob Schneider SNL sketch, "Tiny Elvis", we check in on two episodes where the Doctor deals with shrinkage.
Always listen to your mummy. Unless they are intent on strangling you to death. The Twelfth and Fourth Doctor both explore Egyptology in two classic episodes.
The Twelfth Doctor puts the big decision onto Clara and the human race. The Second Doctor amuses himself with a comb, and a brush, and a bowl full of mush. And some Cybermen.
Global thermonuclear war. It's not a game. But it sure makes for a lot of excitement! John and Porter take a look at a couple of episodes where the Doctor stops Earth from being annihilated.
We're getting the whole gang back together for one last score. John and Porter take a look at a couple of episodes using heist plotlines.
A unique Peter Capaldi story (where once again we see Clara is the key to all things at all times) is matched with a missing First Doctor story about French history. Oui oui!
Ooo de lally! It's Robin of the 'hood! Clara gets to live out a childhood dream meeting Nottingham Forest's famous do-gooder. And we watch/listen to a classic story taking a look at what Kind Richard was doing during the same time.
It's a meet-cute! The Twelfth Doctor meets a Dalek! And the Dalek is ADORABLE. A nice Dalek? Is it possible? The Doctor and Clara head inside the Dalek itself to see for sure.
It's a new Doctor AND John's favorite classic episode ever! Peter Capaldi shows up and... it's fine. But it's going to get way better!
It's time for us to bid adieu to the wonderful Matt Smith. And also watch a crappy Cybermen story with a whole lot o' Peri.
It's basically a Doctor Who version of the Spider-Man meme, as we have both the 50th and the 20th anniversary specials featuring all sorts of Doctors, real and fake.
We learn the name of the Doctor?! Turns out it's "Cornelia". They've always just been really embarrassed by it. Also, Clara is the center of all things. No big deal.
The guys check in with the Cybermen to see what they're up to. It turns out, they are mainly up to assimilating all organic matter into their single-minded robotic existence. So, you know, normal stuff.
Awright a' body. Gather round, a've git something tae tell ye aboot Doctor Hyu. A'richt? This is a story aboot howfur we catch up wi` Jamie, 'n' whaur th' Doctor 'n' Dlara heid north.
Look, that TARDIS itself is a character, man! You gotta believe me! And think about THIS, the TARDIS is BLUE, but what is how I see blue isn't the same as how YOU see blue? You know, man?
Well, let me just open this door, and see- AUGH! OH MY GOSH! It's a British science fiction television show with a rich history and devoted fanbase! AUUUUGH!
"Re-affirm our range to target. One ping only." "But Captain, at this range, the listener will almost assuredly hear the latest episode of our Doctor Who podcast. We... we will not be silent, Captain." "One ping, Vasily."
Look, the monsters in these episodes... They're just big boned, OK? It's a metabolism thing, so don't make a value judgement on them just because they don't process carbs well.
Everyone around you could just be a duplicate. A photocopy. A doppelgänger. A Xerox. A twin. A mimeograph. A double. Did I already say copy?
Humph, "Great Intelligence"? But you're disembodied? And battle us with snowmen? Don't seem so "great" to me! Ha! Got 'em!
I know the title sounds like a nod to some sort of 70's pornography, but it's not! It's the touching ending of the Rory and Amy saga! Coupled with a really depressing Sixth Doctor monstrosity.
One is the loneliest number, and that's why the Doctor needs two companions! And two former Doctors! To make things happen in these power-packed episodes.
Freeze, varmint! This here podcast is gonna recap a few episodes set in the rootin', tootin' Wild West. Saddle your accent! Tonight, we ride.
What does Doctor Who like to cover as much as power rerouting? Tink tink tink... That's right! Hold on to your hard hats with tiny lights on them! Let's talk mining!
We check in with the Doctor as the River saga hurtles to an end. And then we do that again and again and again.
Gamera is a friend to all children, and these Doctor Who episodes are in toy stores. Deal with it!
We take a listen to a couple instances where the human mind becomes someone's plaything. Predictably, the (sigh) Master shows up.
We take a listen to a couple instances where the human mind becomes someone's plaything. Predictably, the (sigh) Master shows up.
Amy Pond is split in two! So that's twice the Amy for the same price. That's a bargain in my book. Sure hope she has someone who loves her to reconcile her duplicates. Also, the Seventh Doctor suffers through an impenetrable story, but meets Ace! So it's not all bad.
Boo! Did I scare you? How about this... THERE'S A SPIDER ON YOUR BACK! No? All right, then try these couple of ghoulish, creepy Doctor Who stories instead. They'll make the hair on the back of your Gallifreyan neck stand up.
So this podcast LOOKS like No Not the Mind Probe, but is it ACTUALLY No Not the Mind Probe? Or just a horrifying duplicate! Aaaaah! AAAAAUGH! Well, no, this is actually just No Not the Mind Probe. But listen to the whole thing and make sure.
War? What is it good for? Well, mainly to bring up certain interesting moral questions about what goals make conflict worthwhile. Also, when nothing is on TV, war can be a nice distraction.
Ugh, this episode is so phony, so plastic. You think you know someone, and it turns out they're just some clone or automaton. It's so hard to meet REAL people anymore these days, you know?
What if the Tardis was a lady? What if the BBC made a high quality document-drama about William Hartnell as a grumpy grandpa?
Avast ye maties! Thar be TWO Doctor Who stories involvin' pirates, and this be them. We also explore why the hell people seem to romanticize these raping, pillaging bastards.
John and Porter join the Doctor and head off to impossible worlds! With impossible creatures! And impossible to understand storylines!
You there, boy! What day is it? It's Whosmas Day, sir! Good, I haven't missed it. Here, lad. There's a big juicy Jagaroth in the butcher shop window. Buy it and deliver it to the No Not the Mind Probe podcast.
It's the end of the Universe, as we know it. And we feel fine. Why? Because Rory's back, baby! Also, the first Romana checks in for a medieval romps with androids.
Knock knock! Who's there? James Corden! And also the Doctor. And also some sea foam. Plus, we bid adieu to Victoria.
We class it up a little and take a look at two stories involving references to the art world. Paint me like one of your French girls, Doctor!
Humans! Silurians! Get in here NOW! Now you two are going to learn how to share this planet together, or there is NO dinner for either of you! Do you hear me? Now. Go finish your homework and wash up for dinner.
What are you recording? A "potcast"? What's a "potcast"? Is it about pots? What? I cannot- Can you please speak up? A doctor? What doctor? Who? Karen Gillan? Oh. I love her.
Ze Doctor vants to suck your blood! Vell, not ze Doctor per se, but ze monsters ze Doctor is doing ze fighting against. None-ze-less! Blah! Blah! Fangs! And so on!
Ain't no angel like a weeping angel 'cause a weeping angel don't STOP. If you're afraid of the dark, or afraid of ouroboros-like evolutionary loops, then buckle up! Don't worry, the Doctor dispatches both enemies in short order. Also, Adric checks in.
Guys, I know the Daleks have generally been vicious killers intent on nothing except murdering all other life forms. But THESE Daleks seem cool, OK? Just give them a chance, guys! These Daleks are fine! (Spoiler: They are not fine.)
In this episode, John and Porter take a brief break from their ever-present worries of solar flares, to discuss a couple of episodes where humanity attempts to rescue itself by subjugating other species. It doesn't work out well. The Doctor Who stories, John's faith in the fate of humanity, none of it works out well.
It's always tough finding a new doctor. You wanna make sure you have a rapport. You gotta make sure they take your insurance. You need to make sure they are a rebellious Timelord with a British accent and a natty outfit. Well, in this episode, we manage to find two new Doctors! Incredible.
Doctor come, Doctors go. We look at the final stories of the Tenth and the Second doctors. Also, Gallifrey checks in and screws with everything a little.
Today, we learn the simple lesson that all space travel to the Red Planet leads to devastation and murder. But hey, keep at it, Elon and Bezos! I'm sure it'll work out OK for you all!
What if Doctor Who were like Die Hard... but on a bus!? Well, that'd be Speed. This is not that. But there is a bus. And in our classic episode: a plane!
It's the battle of the giant robots, as we pair the first non-Donna episode with the first Tom Baker joint. Who will win? Beep boop, does not compute!
What's the origin of the Daleks? Well, they were just a normal boy from Queens when they were bitten by a radioactive bucket/plunger thing. Or perhaps, some handicapable fellow who driven by an insatiable craving for power did. Listen and find out!
When the Doctor's away, the... Donna... will play? Yes, no? No, yes? We get a big Doctor-lite episode and pair it with a filmic adaptation of a Dalek classic.
We talk in great detail about Patrick Troughton's son (and Doctor Who character actor) David Troughton. Why? Well, I don't know. We just really didn't have much else going on.
We're like freakin' Johnny Mnemonic over here! We're like The Net! We're like any 90s-era meditation on the dangers of online communication! Join us as The Doctor logs on, tunes in, turns off, and memes up.
The Probers are joined by their spouses as they take in two episode filled with... MYSTERY!
Whoa whoa whoa WHOA... The Doctor has a DAUGHTER?! And is ditching his GRANDDAUGHTER?! Whoa whoa WHOA.
Whoa! Sorry for the delay. This episode was supposed to be live yesterday. But Porter was accidentally overcome by a race of warrior clones.
The Doctor and his big brain comes face to face with an even bigger brain. Like, for real, just, like, I mean, these episodes both have just huge pulsating brains in them. (And also it's Sylvester McCoy's first appearance.)
We go through the history of the decline and fall of our podcast empire, as we travel with the Doctor back in time to Pompeii and Rome, respectively.
Ah, there's always room for a remembrance of things past. Or things passed. Yes, this is an episode about kidney stones. No, wait! It's not! These are episodes where we welcome back a couple of characters from the Doctor's past.
All aboard! It's very topical exploration of the dangers of luxury cruise liners as two different Doctors experience death among the high seas! (Well, high... stars? High nebulas? High... space... seas? That's it.)
We bid adieu to Martha, the one who never brought the Doctor's love forth, and Tom Baker, the Fourth Doctor who everyone brought love. Do not go gentle into that good night, Fourth Doctor and Martha!
What if I told you... there was another Time Lord? And that he was... FABULOUS?! We welcome the Master back. So pull up a chair, pop up some popcorn, get into a comfortable posture, and prepare to be re-Mastered.
We take a look at the classic "Doctor Lite" episode, "Blink", featuring Oscar-nominee Carey Mulligan. There's also a Seventh Doctor story with Nazis, Cybermen, and a sorceress, but really "Blink" is the thing. WILL PORTER LIKE IT???
Everybody wants to be somebody. Else. We take on two stories of transformation, and see the exciting return of the Brigadier along with the exciting introduction of Turlough.
The Doctor and his companions have to do something. And then do it again. Then, like, five more times after that, as we explore a couple of episodes that depend on sequential plot devices.
The Doctor runs up against the cruelest villain of all: the cold, dispassionate monotony of the scientific method! It’s enough to make one go crazy.
Daleks, Daleks, Daallllleeeeeeeks. The ironclad bad boys of Doctor Who return once again to reign terror on all they confront. And, you know, ultimately get wiped out by the end of each story.
The Doctor intrudes into history by meeting, befriending, and affecting two influential authors: William Shakespeare and H.G. Wells. He is unable to use time travel to improve our book reports from seventh grade English class however.
We meet Martha Jones for the first time. And we also meet sentient stones. But Martha is the more interesting of the two.
From deep inside the Earth comes terror like humans have never seen. But also: Donna Noble (Catherine Tate) is awesome! And the Third Doctor and Liz stop a pandemic, so take notes.
We bid adieu to the lovely Rose Tyler, and continue the theme of companion exits by taking a look at how Adric shuffled off this mortal coil. The Doctor ends these episodes as he once began, alone. Also: Daleks versus Cybermen?!?!
It’s all filler, no killer! These are two episodes of Doctor Who. That’s about all we can say about them. One is old. One is newer. And we talk about them. That’s the NNTMP promise.
The Doctor comes face-to-face with some scary (and poorly designed) beasts in this pair of episodes. And also comes face-to-face with... the human soul. (Also poorly designed.)
Well, the country’s gone to hell, and so has Doctor Who. We explore a couple episodes of Doctor Who where our heroes come face-to-face with the devil. We can relate.
Stay cool, cats. Both these Doctor Who episodes take plane in the 1950s, you dig? In fact, the Doctor visits two seminal moments in world history taking place during the 50s: Queen Elizabeth’s coronation, and that one time an old Welsh beekeeper prevented an interplanetary genocide.
What if there was a whole ‘nother world, kinda like your world, but just a little bit different? Like, basically your same world but with blimps and more goatees? Well, don’t answer that question, because Doctor Who and the whole gang have answered it for you using.... television!
We enjoy two great robot-themed stories, in which the Doctor says, “Bring it on, automatons!” There’s love, laughter, and also tears. Amongst the humans. Amongst the robots, there is only cold, cold circuits and hot, hot oil.
We say hello again (and then abruptly goodbye) to the beloved companion Sarah Jane Smith who the Tenth Doctor is totally crushing on. What is it with this guy and companions? A real creep.
Augh! There’s a spider on your back! Scared? Those are the sort of thrills and chills in store during this set of Doctor Who episodes based on some classic horror tales.
A couple of Doctor Who episodes where people pretend to be other people. We pretend to be interested.
It’s a Christmas miracle! A new Doctor! Also, an old new Doctor falls out of the Tardis and into MISCHIEF. The boys from NNTMP tackle a couple of first episodes.
Porter bids adieu to his first Doctor (the Ninth Doctor) when the damn Doctor DIES. Or does he?? Yes, he does, but then he’s reborn. Or DOES he? Yes, he does.
We watch Stephen Moffat’s first Doctor Who script and a classic episode where a technological advancement also goes awry.
We travel through time with Doctor Who and tweak this, change that, just clean things up a bit, to make it all better in the future.
We talk through a couple of Doctor Who episodes that really give it to the media! Take that media! You’ve been satired!
In what is possibly our most search-engine-optimized title yet, John introduces Porter to the Doctor Who villain he never knew he always wanted: Daleks.
We take a look at our first cliffhanger from the new Doctor Who series paired with an episode featuring the Fifth Doctor. In both, aliens take advantage of the fact that humans just can’t wait to blow each other up.
We talk about two Doctor Who episode involving a dystopian future where Earth is destroyed... but in, like, a fun way.