Dr. Margaret Rutherford: Recent Episodes
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This is the fourth in a five-part series about the most common mental mistakes that can lead to depression, keep...
The post Overgeneralization and Depression: When One Experience Becomes “Always” appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
This week – in fact to be punctual about it – on August 5th, 2026 – the first episode of...
The post 510 SelfWork: Ted Lasso, The Pandemic and The Power of Telling Secrets appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
This is the third in a five-part series about the most common mental mistakes that can lead to depression, keep...
The post Rumination and Depression: 4 Ways to Break the Cycle appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
EMDR Therapy is known for its treatment of trauma. Dr. Laurel Parnell teaches and demonstrates how it can be healing...
The post 509 SelfWork: EMDR Therapy: How It Can Help Fill Emptiness and Release Grief with Dr. Laurel Parnell appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
This is the second in a five-part series about the most common mental mistakes that can lead to depression, keep...
The post Depression and Decision-Making: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself First appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Today on SelfWork I’m answering questions about narcissism as well as frustration and even hopelessness about ever healing from the...
The post 467 SelfWork: Healing Narcissism’s Wounds appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Today’s topic is on the incredible power of journaling. My communications manager, friend, and “auxiliary brain” – Christine Mathias –...
The post 413 SelfWork: The Incredible Power of Journaling (Second Time Around) appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Do you know how to really listen? Well… you can learn. I’m out on vacation this week and my friend...
The post 412 SelfWork: Learning How to Really Listen (Second Time Around) appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Today’s we’re going to focus on emotional detachment and distancing. I’ll explain what it is and when it’s healthy –...
The post 409 SelfWork: When Emotionally Detaching or Distancing Are Healthy appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
How would you answer the question, “How’s your mental health?’ If you watched the Olympics, you saw Simone Biles not...
The post 407 SelfWork: How’s Your Mental Health? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
How do you grieve a parent’s death? Even older adults have told me they feel “orphaned” after both of their...
The post 406 SelfWork: How to Grieve A Parent’s Death appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
It can be hard to stop rumination, obsessively thinking about something. But there’s a new approach to managing rumination in...
The post A New Approach to Managing Rumination in Depression appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Perspective is a gift. But most of us gain our perspective from years of living and learning. Life often hands...
The post 405 SelfWork: The Gift of Perspective: A Conversation with Lindsay Roy appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
You have to acknowledge your depression in order to begin to talk about it. That may sound simple to do....
The post 404 SelfWork: Acknowledging and Talking About Your Depression appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
How do you thrive with anxiety? Dr. David Rosemarin is our guest today who talks specifically about how to understand...
The post 403 SelfWork: Thriving with Anxiety: A Conversation with David Rosemarin appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Today we’re focusing on the lasting impact of trauma. Many of us are quite good – or efficient is perhaps...
The post 402 SelfWork: The Lasting Impact of Trauma appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a fast-growing therapeutic model that I wanted you here at SelfWork to know more...
The post 399 SelfWork: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) : A Conversation with Dr. Diana Hill appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Cyclothymia, compartmentalization, and Taylor Swift don’t seem to have much in common. But they’re sharing this episode of SelfWork! And...
The post 398 SelfWork: What’s Cyclothymia and Compartmentalization (Taylor Swift Style)? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
What is Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder or or PMDD? We’re going to focus today on what it is and what it’s...
The post 397 SelfWork: What Is Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder or PMDD? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Marjorie Aunos’ story is not one you’ll forget. In one second, she went from being an able-bodied mom to a...
The post 396 SelfWork: From Able-Bodied Mom to Disabled: A Conversation with Marjorie Aunos Ph.D. appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
The infertility journey. Mine seems long ago. Yet the weeks, months, and years that it took me to get pregnant...
The post The Infertility Journey And Nine Things That Help A Couple Stay Healthy appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Manifestation has been widely dismissed as self-involved, materialistic phooey. Now, James R. Doty, MD—a Stanford neurosurgeon, New York Times bestselling author, and Dalai Lama collaborator—reveals...
The post 393 SelfWork: How to Manifest Your Goals: A Conversation with Neurosurgeon Dr. James Doty appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
We’ll talk today about the interweaving of depression and knowing you matter (or mattering). In my FB group, someone asked...
The post 392 SelfWork: The Interweaving of Depression and Knowing You Matter appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Suicide is discussed in this episode. Here is the link to the suicide prevention text hotline. “My bipolar disorder almost...
The post 391 SelfWork: Life With Bipolar Disorder: A Conversation with Gabe Howard appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
The Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has stated that there is an epidemic of loneliness in the United States and the...
The post 390 SelfWork: Loneliness, Empathy, and The Power of Eight Minutes appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
We certainly have had – and the world has had – our fair share of reasons to grieve. Wherever you...
The post 358 SelfWork: What You’ve Been Taught About Grief May Be Wrong appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
I was shocked to see this past week that I’d never done an episode on the four most well-researched communication...
The post 357 SelfWork: How A Couple Can Destroy Their Relationship in Four Painfully Easy Steps… Or Not appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
I well remember the first time that a couple told me that they argued mostly when they were at home....
The post Phubbing Is The New Way to Piss Off (and Alienate) Those You Love appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
I’ve long been one to say to someone who’s paralyzed about the direction they see their lives going in or...
The post 356 SelfWork: What You Can Learn From Laughter and Fear: A Conversation with Dr. AND Comedian Priyanka Wali appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
When I received an email about this new book, I knew I wanted to talk with its author. The book?...
The post 355 SelfWork: How Five Types of Perfectionism Can Work For You: A Conversation with Katherine Morgan Shafler appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
During my research on last week’s episode on post partum, I learned that my own state of Arkansas holds the...
The post 354 SelfWork: Why Are New Moms Dying? A Conversation with Dr. Zenobia Harris appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
There are many times that work with my own clients sparks a podcast episode – and this time, I needed...
The post 353 SelfWork: But I Can’t Be Depressed: Understanding Postpartum Depression appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
I wanted to offer you the advice and very creative teachings today of Becky Blades – she founded and sold...
The post 352 SelfWork: How To Become A Startist: A Conversation with Becky Blades appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Today we’re going to focus on high-functioning depression. What is it? What’s it not? Is it dangerous or is it...
The post 351 SelfWork: Identifying The Dangers of High-Functioning Depression appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
I wasn’t feeling so hot yesterday so took a time-out day and watched “Shrinking”, the Apple TV series that has...
The post 350 SelfWork: Being A Shrink and What To Expect From Yours appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
When I was contacted by Paulina Siegel about being on her podcast, Shit Talking Shrinks, I was intrigued. She and...
The post 349 SelfWork: Shrinks Are People Too: A Conversation with Shit Talking Shrinks Paulina and Victoria appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Increasingly, I’ve noticed a trend in how people are describing “having fun” – and so much of that time, what...
The post 348 SelfWork: Scrolling On The River: What’s Real Fun and What’s Depressing? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Today I’m offering something different for you. No commercials. Just me and you talking. I’ve said before on SelfWork that...
The post 347 SelfWork: The Risk and Fulfillment of Discovering Your Potential (And Here’s My TEDx!) appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
I wouldn’t wish borderline personality disorder on anyone – it’s a truly difficult and chaotic way to live life. Yet...
The post 346 SelfWork: Borderline Personality Disorder, Guilt, and Building Boundaries appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Episode transcript below. There are some people who can take the most difficult situations and find the humor in them....
The post 345 SelfWork: Making The Hard Job of Caregiving Easier: A Conversation with Cathy Sikorski appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
The transcript for this episode is available below. This interview focuses on suicide prevention so please listen carefully. Here are...
The post 344 SelfWork: A Daughter’s Determination To Save Lives After Her Mom’s Suicide: A Conversation with Donna’s Law Creator, Katrina Brees appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Episode transcript available below. There are a lot of mental illnesses that are characterized by intense emotion which then governs...
The post 343 SelfWork: What Is Emotional Regulation? It’s Both Self-Control and Self-Protection appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Today is an episode filled with your questions and my answers – one of my favorite things to do here...
The post 342 SelfWork: Five Ways of Dealing with Defensiveness, Enmeshment Dynamics, and Roles Vs Relationships: Your Questions My Answers appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
We’re going to be talking about the last two major mental mistakes or bad habits that can either lead you...
The post 341 SelfWork: The Five Mental Mistakes of Depression: 4. Not Seeing The Trees for The Forest 5. Unrealistic Expectations appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
This Memorial Day holiday is a time for remembering those who’ve protected us from harm. My dad (the young...
The post Surviving Wars Within: A Memorial Day Tribute To All Veterans appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
The excitement of shedding pounds. The disappointment of gaining them back. Deprivation as a way of life. Dieting is a...
The post 340 SelfWork: What You Need to Know About The Merry-Go-Round of Dieting: A Conversation with Jenn Trepeck appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
This month is Mental Health Awareness Month, and as SelfWork has been named one of the ten top podcasts for...
The post 339 SelfWork: The Five Mental Mistakes of Depression: Three. Ruminating About the Past appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
I first wrote this post in 2014. It was my first “viral” post: I received hundreds of emails of self-recognition....
The post The Perfectly Hidden Depressed Person: Are You One? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Perhaps the hardest part of divorce isn’t the legal part. Even given tedious interrogatories or hard-to-reach attorneys, all that that...
The post Three Ways Social Media Makes It Harder to Get Emotionally Divorced appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
In the month of May, which is Mental Health Awareness Month, we’re focusing on five different mental habits that you...
The post 338 SelfWork: The Five Mental Mistakes of Depression: Two. Decisions That Create Chaos appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Sometimes the very decision on what to talk about here at SelfWork seems difficult, as the possibilities are endless really....
The post 337 SelfWork: The Five Mental Mistakes of Depression: First. Believing It. appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
I love answering your questions and hearing your comments! In fact, it’s one of the most favorite things I do...
Today on SelfWork we’re going to focus on self-sabotage – when you are doing things or not doing things that seem to get in the way of achieving something or creating the life you say you want. I want to talk more about the fear that’s underneath self-sabotage. Perhaps it’s not sabotage at all. It’s […]
When I was in my early twenties, I called my dad and asked him to have lunch with me. He hesitated one moment and replied, “Don’t you want your mom to come?“ “Well, Dad, no…this time I want it to be just you and me.“ “Okay. Sure. Where do you want to meet?“ Up to […]
I’m very excited to introduce SelfWork listeners to Ananta. I get a lot of requests from people who want to present to my SelfWork listeners, and they introduce themselves as experts in what they term transformation. Now, it’s a good word, mind you, transformation, but so much of the work isn’t backed up well with […]
I love when an author reaches out to me personally – and that’s what Brooke Siem did. I didn’t have to talk with a bunch of publicity or marketing people. She knows exactly what her message is – and who needs to hear it. I was mesmerized by her evocativeness of her writing her book, […]
If this post triggers you in any way, here are the International Suicide Prevention Hot Lines. Sometimes meeting someone is meant to be. I felt that way about my best friend. I felt that way about my husband. And I felt that way when I first exchanged emails with Dr. John Sommers-Flannagan. He’s the real thing. […]
This week’s episode of SelfWork focuses on suicide – but not as a pre-determined sign that someone needs hospitalization. That might be true, of course. But many, many people have suicidal thoughts or ideas, even fantasies of what could happen that would allow them to escape pain that may feel intolerable. And in those cases, […]
There’s a kind of depression that we’re missing in mental health. It’s not easy to detect, because when you have it, you hide it. You may be aware of what you’re doing. But, more likely, you’ve hidden for so long, you’ve become unaware of what happens, day after day. Your gut knows something’s wrong. And […]
Today my editor, graphic designer and general “auxiliary brain” Christine Mathias, has chosen her favorite podcast. It’s all about self-soothing and Mister Rogers came to mind! And we look at the neurobiology of “calm,” featuring work by Dr. Dan Siegel, a psychiatrist, author, researcher and integrative neurobiologist who coined the phrase, “Name it to tame […]
Today’s episode has been chosen by my audio engineer and producer, John Crowley, as one of this favorite episodes which earns the status of “good enough for a second time around” slot. And boy, does shame cause problems. People often come into therapy saying things like, “I’m afraid I’m wasting your time, “ or, “I […]
Divorce between two people who don’t have children versus two parents who do is an entirely different animal. Their first response can easily be to try to please. So, they’ll say they’re okay. Usually when younger children first learn about the change in the family, they want to know the pragmatics of it all. Will […]
I recently posted about a study group I was doing on my personal FB page and somewhat apologetically explained that I was mixing professional with personal. I received an almost immediate response from a friend who said, “You love what you do so much, I don’t think there’s much of a line between the two.” […]
Real motherhood can certainly seem like you’re trudging your way through a jungle of fears, exhaustion, and confusion – so why is it still portrayed as “easy” or “natural”? Author Annaliese Lawton’s new book, Welcome To The Jungle, explores her own emotional turmoil associated with maternity coupled with life’s daily struggles. Lawton is a small-town mom […]
Today we’re focusing on what mental or emotional issues are connected with being drawn into relationship with someone with narcissistic traits, missing the warning signs that others might sense or see. We’ll briefly cover the different types of narcissism; you can find lists that include anything from four to seven subtypes but we’ll keep it […]
Seeming coincidences happen to me often, and again this week, something synergistic got my attention. First, I listened to the Invisibilia podcast where they actually featured another NPR podcast, a show called Life Kit. Dr. Amir Levine was interviewed, who’s an expert on attachment theory – and he spoke on how your attachment style can help […]
Today we’re focusing on self-absorption – being highly preoccupied with your own concerns, your inner thoughts, or yourself in general. Depression can be viewed as an “implosion of the self” which creates self-absorption. I’m speaking of self-absorption not in a condescending or judgmental way, but as a way of helping the person who’s depressed, as […]
This past weekend, another murderous shooting occurred in Los Angeles. At the time of this writing, the murderer had not been fined nor had it been labeled as a hate crime. I wanted to post these thoughts again, as one more community tries to come together to heal. In December of 2019, a horrible tragedy occurred […]
First of all, I cannot express how grateful I am to be back and to be healthy. Fear was very much a part of the weeks before my surgery. I had to realize and accept that I wasn’t in control of what might or might not happen. I was only in control of my response to […]
I first met Shauna Springer – or Doc Springer as her military clients call her – when I interviewed her for one of her books, Warrior. There was something about her that I really warmed to and now am glad to call her a friend. Her books demonstrate what an incredible therapist she is, as […]
Note: If you’ve been sexually abused, this article may trigger a response — memories, anxiety, nightmares. Please read with care. I can’t count the times that a patient has been looking out the window, their eyes unable to meet mine, as they quietly say, “I’m so embarrassed…I’ve never told anyone this.” And I begin to […]
Bob Waldinger’s publicist used these words to describe him – “warm and humble.” That can be hard to find… and I knew I wanted him to be our guest here on SelfWork. He has plenty of things he could crow about (as we’d say in Arkansas). He’s a Harvard professor, 20-year director of the Harvard Study of […]
Hello everyone in 2023! I wanted to tell you all that my surgery went perfectly – and I’m getting back into gear! I cannot say how grateful I am without tearing up – and have so many thanks for the guest hosts that have filled in so far, Kimberley Quinlan, Lewis Howes and this week […]
When my son was a three year-old and “No!” was his favorite expression, my husband and I decided upon a strategy to cope with how draining parenting could be (even though we only had one child). It worked surprisingly well for us. What was it? We banned the word “tired” from our vocabulary. Of course, […]
Ashley Stahl and I met when her book You Turn came out – and to prepare for her interview on SelfWork, not only did I read her book, I watched a couple of her TedTalks – yes she has two! And I thought her advice was solidly based on the importance of values in choosing […]
I’ve already seen them. The Instagram reels. The tweets. The posts. The morning talk show interviews about hundreds of pounds lost. All of them talking about how to set and make your goals for 2023. I’m sure you’ve seen them as well. Recently, I was facing a surgery for a benign tumor in my parotid […]
2022 is coming to a close – and 2023 is on its way! So Happy New Year to all! So today’s SelfWork episode turns the tables on me – as I’m being interviewed by Lewis Howes on his incredibly successful podcast, School of Greatness. I listen almost every week to his interviews when I’m out […]
I first met Lewis Howes in 2019, the year Perfectly Hidden Depression was published, as I was a guest on his incredible podcast The School of Greatness. I was flabbergasted to be asked – listen to their own description of the show! “Lewis Howes is a New York Times best-selling author, 2x All-American athlete, keynote […]
What does it mean to feel grown up? Perhaps it’s knowing that you’ve figured some things out and that you’re no longer following more adolescent impulses. It could be knowing you can be more objective about yourself and others, or that you’re feeling competent to take care of your own needs and the needs of […]
I had the radio on while I was out yesterday, trying to stay afloat in the sea of holiday traffic. What I heard was a constant barrage of, “Do you know what makes the holidays great?” And, “This is a must for your holidays!” — all with the incessant backdrop of sentimental Yuletide music and […]
All couples are running a business. There’s the business of household chores, of coordinating kids’ schedules or work trips out of town, of paying bills, or of taking care of aging parents. Times and places have to be negotiated. Jobs assigned. Divide and conquer is a common motto. The poignant truth is that some of […]
Today, I’ll be answering three listener questions about how to make successful transitions with their moms or mothers-in-law. And I chose them because they’re very much reflective of common problems you might have yourself. Psychiatry blamed mothers years ago for everything from autism to schizophrenia and that was all plain wrong. Even Freud’s granddaughter, Sophie […]
I first met Kimberley as a guest on her incredible podcast, Your Anxiety Toolkit, after the book Perfectly Hidden Depression came out. She’s also been on SelfWork to discuss her own book The Self-Compassionate Workbook for OCD and was an obvious pick to lead off these guest episodes. Why? Because she’s not only an expert […]
There’s a simple mantra out there that can really help with self-control, especially emotional self-control – “Respond not react.” Sounds simple and easy, right? It’s not. Learning how to control your reactions to what’s being said or done around you can be difficult. Our culture is dominated by people who are constantly reacting to one […]
Generally, when someone is called “a bundle of nerves,” they’re not describing a state of being that’s pleasant or desired. Those nerves could range from the fairly common experience of self-consciousness, where you have a heightened sense of yourself, to actual social anxiety, when the fear of being perceived negatively or being scrutinized by others […]
How does your personality develop? It’s a mixture of your genetic makeup, what you receive (or don’t receive) from your family in childhood — what kind of safety and nurturing they provided — what your experience is of your culture and the world around you in the years to come.
I’ve received many messages from all of you concerning my upcoming surgery. It’s messages like this that make me very determined to get back to this mic as soon as I can… I’m hoping at this point that will be mid-January – but I’m so excited about the guest hosts we’re featuring. Everyone from celebrated […]
What can help you through spending time with family this holiday season? Dr. Margaret shares five frank suggestions to figure out how to do just that. Happy Holidays!
The term “cancel culture” came to be around 2016 and according to the dictionary, it’s the practice or tendency of engaging in mass canceling as a way of expressing disapproval and exerting social pressure. Yet, in families, estrangement has been around quite a long time. Parents can distance themselves from children. Adult children can stop […]
Perhaps it’s started for you. You may already feel like the expectations around the holidays are getting out of hand: family is looking forward to traditions, coworkers can’t wait for your famous cookies, friends are praising your amazing gift-wrapping abilities. It’s too much to ignore, and yet you may feel a lot of pressure as […]
We’re going to talk about labels today – and how the mental health world, its science, its leaders, and its language might be influencing us to over-pathologize what’s normal. Meaning that you can come to believe something is sick or wrong or abnormal when actually it IS normal when it’s understood in its own context. […]
Samantha Skelly was such a vibrant and fascinating guest. She wrote her book several years ago – Hungry for Happiness: Stop Emotional Eating and Start Loving Yourself. And this is what she says about it: This book is how I turned my mess into my message. The journey of struggling with emotional eating, exercise addition & […]
After watching the famous shower scene in Psycho, even the most stoic of us can feel a bit dubious the next time you step into yours. But when you’re lonely and hiding pain from the world, sometimes that shower is the only place where your secrets are allowed to emerge. And it can be where […]
Do you dread the leaves turning color? When you hear it’s going to reach only 50 degrees today, do you inwardly wince and yearn for warmer weather? Does your energy get zapped as the daylight wanes, and getting out of bed becomes increasingly difficult? If this rings familiar to you, perhaps you may be experiencing […]
I began this episode thinking I’d talk about ten things I’d learned from being a therapist. But I realized that almost every one of them could be their own podcast episode! Today we’ll focus on the first – not in importance, but the first that came to mind – perhaps connected with the zeitgeist of […]
Radical acceptance is a termed that describes a way of being – acknowledging the reality of what is happening rather than fighting it emotionally and thus, causing yourself, and perhaps even others, more suffering. I very much like a Carl Rogers quote that Tara Brach, author of the 2003 best-seller, Radical Acceptance, used in her book; […]
Someone you love chose to end their life; the pain you’re experiencing feels unbearable and unending. Maybe they left a note. Maybe you knew they were in agony, struggling with inner demons or with harsh realities of severe physical or mental illness. Or maybe you had no idea. Sometimes you’re utterly lost; sometimes you are […]
My dad used to say to us as kids, “Your rights end where someone else’s nose begins.” And that’s where I began learning about boundaries. Psychological boundaries are those that define where your own personal limits are as to what is emotionally harmful, and what is not. And that is unique to every individual. We’ll […]
Terry McGuire is a former broadcast journalist and voiceover talent who has earned a living with her voice for more than four decades. After experiencing her longest and darkest depression, she decided to use her experience to begin to give voice to depression through beginning the podcast – Giving Voice to Depression. There, she has […]
Today we’re going to talk about guilt and self-forgiveness. Basically there are two forms of guilt. Healthy guilt – or when you feel remorse for something that you did or said or felt – and maladaptive guilt which is guilt that doesn’t serve any positive rationale, but instead eats you up from the inside. For […]
The damage of emotional abuse may go unseen and silent. But it’s very real. You may see yourself or someone you love in the stories I’m about to share. So please read with care. The stories… Debbie Debbie sat, quietly crying in my office, “I don’t think I should’ve left. The boys miss him. They […]
Whenever someone opens up about their experience with an abusive relationship, whether it’s a celebrity divorce in the news or your loved one confiding to you that their marriage has severe issues, you might wonder why they didn’t leave sooner…or why they’re staying. The answer from the outside seems so obvious: get out! But if […]
I’m so delighted to bring you this interview in recognition of Suicide Awareness Month. Why? Erin Gallagher, current interim executive director of This Is My Brave, is going to tell you about the life and suicidal death of her son, Jay. His life was ended after his high school had been alerted there were warning […]
Here’s a special preview of the new season of The Happiness Lab for the YGTG for this month! You might think you know what it takes to lead a happier life… more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations. You’re dead wrong. Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found […]
You love your partner and you value your relationship. But… the two of you have developed a habit of falling into fights more and more frequently. It may have even grown so problematic that you shudder when you hear them pull into the driveway, anticipating the inevitable argument. Whether it’s financial stress, political differences, cultural […]
One of my favorite things to do on SelfWork is to respond to your questions! The first is a reaction to a recent podcast from 19 year-old podcaster Sadie Sutton who was explaining her journey with depression and her parents’ role in it. This listener wanted to know if I was following up with an […]
I can go through phases where I criticize my husband’s driving a bit too much. He slows down to look at something, and I exaggeratedly start waving my hand out the side window as if we are on a parade float, silently suggesting that he needs to pick up the pace. Or we’re speeding along […]
What’s emotional incest? (Please be aware that you could be triggered by this episode if abuse is in your past and I’ll share links to help lines.) It’s not the same as sexual incest – but can certainly cause its own type of damage. It falls within the dynamic of enmeshment but has its own […]
When couples walk in my door with their chief complaint being, “We can’t communicate,” one of the things I immediately wonder is whether either one is truly listening…or are they talking “at” each other? All too often instead of listening to your partner, you assume you know what they are about to say, and then […]
We can’t believe it! 300 episodes!!! And that’s due to your loyalty and your emails and your messages and your support and your reviews and…. well, you! Thank you!!! I had a topic in mind for this three hundredth episode of SelfWork. But I realized that what was on my heart and mind was […]
What’s a “good” divorce? I’ve heard it said that a good divorce is the one that never happens; of course that’s idealism, not realism. Obviously, many of us do get divorced for a variety of reasons. Sometimes the choice to divorce is mutual; other times it very much isn’t. Sometimes there’s emotional manipulation, and sometimes […]
I’ve had many people tell me over the years that they feel free to tell me things because they know I cannot tell anyone else. That’s true of course- unless I believe that there’s imminent danger of some kind to them or someone else. But I don’t think of my role as that of secret-keeper. […]
Narcissism. That word gets thrown around a good deal these days to describe someone who’s self-absorbed, highly confident, or abrasive. These may be annoying personality traits, but they aren’t the definition of narcissism. So what is a true narcissist? And what are the troublesome dynamics if you believe someone you love is a narcissist? (The […]
On SelfWork, I love to feature people who have used their own experience – and sometimes that experiences involves loss or grief – to live through something that has taught them important lessons. And they want to share that you. Krista St-Germain is that kind of person. I’ll let her tell her story but I […]
A listener left a voicemail for me within the past couple of weeks… in fact, two. Basically she asked, “I have trouble bonding with people and find myself not expecting too much. I’m in a good relationship now with my partner, but how do I get over this issue? Can you give tips on […]
When you get divorced, people generally ask how you’re doing for a few weeks. If your father suddenly dies, the next month will be full of notes from people who knew him and loved him. If your oldest child has been diagnosed with autism, people who’ve walked that path will hear about it – and […]
Today on You Get the Gist, you’re going to get to hear from Wade LIghtheart Who’s Wade Lightheart? Well, he’s the cofounder of BiOptimizers, who became a new sponsor of SelfWork just last week! But he’s a three-time Canadian national all-natural body building champion, and a former Mr. Universe contestant who trained as a vegan […]
Today we’re going to focus on how to help your teen with depression through an interview with a great guest, 19 year-old Sadie Sutton, host of the podcast She Persisted. She was first diagnosed with depression when she was 13 and by the age of 14, had been hospitalized four times for severe depression, anxiety, […]
I’m thrilled today to introduce you to a new sponsor of SelfWork! Not only have I used this product for over three years, but it suddenly dawned on me that I should talk to them about a collaboration! And voilá… here it is. Let me introduce you to Ozark Mountain Medicine’s fantastic CBD products! We’re […]
I didn’t think I was going to be a mother. For a long time, I hadn’t wanted to be. I thought I was lacking the gene that made you want to wipe noses, sing lullabies, or run carpool. I loved my nephews, but didn’t connect with the desire to make the bulk of my day […]
If you’ve listened to SelfWork, or read my book Perfectly Hidden Depression, you know that I’ve cautioned about doctors and clinicians over-depending on the DSM-V (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition). In this riveting conversation with the author of Pathological: The True Story of Six Misdiagnoses and activist Sarah Fay, she […]
Shame. People often come into therapy saying things like, “I’m afraid I’m wasting your time, “ or, “I don’t know why I can’t pull myself together, “ Or, “If I believed in my faith and God enough, I wouldn’t be here. But because I am, I’ve failed.” I know – without a doubt – I’m […]
The word forgive has several meanings. “To grant pardon… to absolve.. to give up all claim… to cease to feel resentment against…to cancel an indebtedness…”. Forgiveness becomes even more complex when you consider forgiving yourself. Why? Feelings of doubt can complicate self-forgiveness. How do you know if you’re letting yourself off the hook? Or if […]
Today’s YGTG (You Get the Gist) is focused on self-help; can you seek out too much help? The answer is yes. Self-help can actually make some people feel inferior and ashamed, rather than better about themselves – especially if you inundate yourself with it, or are almost addicted to seeking out articles and TikTok’s and […]
Back when I was busy creating my own emotional chaos, my therapists used CBT therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy) and family systems therapy – both of which were very helpful to me. But today, we’re taking a dive into a therapy I wish had existed then … DBT or dialectical behavior therapy. Why? Because DBT teaches […]
The summer of 2012. That’s when my only child left for college; so that’s the year I began dealing with empty nest and letting go. It was a difficult adjustment. What a difference the passage of time can make. Four years later, not long after my son had graduated from college – I was headed […]
Falling in love can turn your world upside down. You feel as if each breath you take away from your new love is painful; and then everything feels right when you’re again together. But that feeling can fade. “I love her, but I’m not in love with her.” “I don’t remember when I stopped loving […]
What’s one of the most frequent questions I get from SelfWorkers? What do you do when you care about someone who’s depressed or destructive or anxious or ill and they don’t seem to be able to or even want to help themselves? Maybe from your perspective they’ve given up, are in denial, or are extremely […]
Whenever I hear the term “unconditional love,” I think of the first moment I saw my infant child. That’s probably the purest love I’ve ever felt, or will ever feel. All he’d done so far was breathe and cry, and I loved him with a fierce intensity I couldn’t have anticipated. Yet even this […]
Trigger Warning: Suicide and Violence You may not know that suicide kills more first responders each year than die in the line of duty. This is one of many things that need to change. This book, Relentless Courage, was written with this fact in mind. It’s co-authored by Doc Shauna Springer and Michael Sugrue, formerly […]
I’ve long been fascinated by the connections between our minds and our bodies, so much so that I wrote my dissertation (the original research you must complete before they give you a Ph.D.) on pseudoseizures. What are those? They look like actual seizures – which are bursts of uncontrolled electrical activity between neurons that can […]
What I do for a living offers constant perspective; I hear every day about what can happen in people’s lives, both the good and the not-so good. I hear about tragedy, abuse, and I hear about tremendous courage people muster while facing it. Yet I also hear about the kindness of others: how a grandfather’s […]
Thoughts around what it means to be selfish, self-centered, or self-aware can be muddled and even feel contradictory. Do you believe if you ask for something you want, you’re being selfish? Or if you say no to a request, you’re being self-centered? Do you know what it means to be self-aware? Perhaps you’re not familiar […]
What risks do you run when you follow a quest for popularity or even celebrity? Envy is right at the top of the list, and today I’ll offer 8 different signs that your need for external validation is running too high, and 6 more that reflect that envy has taken hold of your mind and […]
I use all kinds of stories and metaphors in therapy to help people actually remember a point. I’m not sure when I started doing it, but there’s something about a story or a picture that cements or anchors an idea in your mind. Just think about in Forrest Gump, the famous “Life is like a […]
If you like SelfWork because we talk about “what you can do about it,” this interview will be incredibly helpful to you! As a therapist who focuses a lot on how to move from negative, destructive thinking to much more positive, motivating self-talk – I’ve learned that HOW you talk to yourself highly influences what […]
“Honey, did you Venmo the gardener?” “I meant to but forgot.” “Did you remember to call that new client?” “Yeah, but I didn’t get to it…” “Hey, did you get that paper done?” “Mom, stop bugging me. I had to go to practice and was tired.” These are conversations we have every day. Sometimes with […]
Boundaries. What in the world does that word really mean when it comes to relationships? A boundary is a limit, an edge, where one thing stops and another begins. If you say, “I don’t have good boundaries,” what do you mean? Generally, it means that you allow other people to manipulate or disrespect your time, […]
Trigger Warning: References to Suicide (International Suicide Prevention Resources). After the shootings in New York, California and Texas within the last couple of weeks, I’m preparing an episode concerning mental health issues that may play a part in violent crime, but also – and very clearly – where they do not play a part. Hatred […]
I have two distinct memories that involve eating. One horrified me, the other brought a sense of being understood.
I, like most others, had a small fridge in my dorm room in college. I was beginning to develop anorexia, but hadn't a clue at the time. I was eating less and less, and receiving all kinds of accolades for becoming thin.
My mom used to write T H I N K on my forehead as a child. Ugh. I hated that! ! But it was definitely her way of trying to teach me self-control, a skill that I didn’t have much of as a child! Today we’re going to focus on three skills that are considered […]
Warning: This episode could act as a trigger due to its topic. Please listen with caution. The murders in Uvalde, Texas this week may pull for many different reactions to such senseless violence. The fact that the violence targeted children makes it even more devastating. I humbly offer these suggestions to you to help you […]
What are you teaching your child about admitting vulnerability? Or what to do with uncomfortable feelings that they don’t want, but have nonetheless? Or how to express hurt or pain? Or what depression is? Depression in kids is on the rise; whether it’s because of the well-documented link between time spent alone on their ever-present […]
Where did you learn who Josh Peck was? Through his award-winning performance in Drake and Josh when he was a teen? Starring next to Ben Kingsley in The Wackness? Or has it been more recently in Disney+ Turner and Hooch? What I learned in this interview is that you likely didn’t know who Josh was, […]
I first found Amanda White on Instagram, as she’s the therapist behind Therapy For Women – a popular Instagram mental health group. But then I learned more about her. Her book came out early in 2022: NOT DRINKING TONIGHT: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love, where she calls herself a retired-party-girl-turned-therapist. She became sober […]
My son is traveling at breakneck speed through the last semester of his college days.
Graduation is two weeks away.
He's making decisions about his future -- carving out a life for himself that will hopefully prove productive and fulfilling.
This is the third Mother’s Day in the era of Covid19. I’m not one to be concerned with receiving gifts, but I wondered what I might want to give myself… The first gift I thought of is actually far too dangerous, for it has to do with knowing when the light at the end of […]
This is a very personal episode of SelfWork, as I tell the story of my mother’s intense struggles with anxiety – and her turning to prescription drugs to help her cope. Sadly, doctors in the 1960’s brushed off women with “nerves” and handed out medications that were not only strong, but addictive. And some women, […]
After a bad break-up or a divorce, you often look back and wonder, “What was I thinking? How did I ever think this was going to work out well?” Hindsight has long been 20-20. But what causes you to miss things while they are happening that in retrospect seem like they were a nightmare? Many […]
Warning: There are references made in this episode to childhood abuse and suicidal thoughts/attempts. Please listen with caution. Here are international suicide prevention hotlines and resources. Lyn Barrett is a guest you’ll never forget. She suffered from DID (which used to be called multiple personality disorder) and now manages a fully functional life, As part […]
A lot of folks hear the word “mindfulness” and immediately think that it’s some weird, new age-y thing. But it’s not that. It’s also not simply awareness or being conscious of something; it goes beyond that. True mindfulness deepens your experience of the present. In The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness, […]
One of the hardest even most cruel things about depression is the very darkness of your thoughts – the hounding of your mind and heart with feelings that seem to have the power at times to wipe all rationale from your consciousness and bury you with shame and worthlessness, distrust, and complete disbelief that anything […]
Today we’re doing something new! And it’s the brainchild of the woman you’re about to meet! Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned career coach, spokesperson, and author of the bestselling book, You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, Design Your Dream Career. Through her two viral TEDx speeches, her online courses,and her podcast, the You Turn Podcast, she’s been […]
I remember being chastised by my parents to “act my age.” What they probably meant was to stop talking, which I did a lot. So, aging is funny, isn’t it? When does the shift occur where it’s a good thing to not act your age so you’ll seem younger than you are? You can also […]
Three times this week I was asked, “Just how do I interview a therapist?” So… I’m going to give you fifteen very specific, concrete, and legit questions to ask a potential therapist. It’s important of course to note how that therapist is answering you and does their manner of talking with you seem warm and […]
Sometimes I get emails that tear me up with their honesty and vulnerability, recently I received one that particularly touched me. “I wanted to tell you that I really enjoy your podcast! I always look forward to the 20-30 minutes where I can just relax and listen to your discussion. I have always struggled with my […]
What’s a mental health day? Why should you take one? And how to answer the question, “What good will it do anyway? I just have to go back tomorrow….And I need the money.” I’m going to give you some ideas of how to really use a mental health day to your advantage – and the […]
This past month, I heard from a woman who identifies herself as manifesting covert narcissism and she’s looking for both support and information on how she could best address what she so desperately and sincerely wants to change in herself. She talks about the extreme lack of help out there- and she’s right. Sometimes we […]
When people think of long distance relationships, the images first conjured up are usually those of romantic partners living far apart from each other. However, long distance relationships can take many forms.
If you’ve been watching March Madness recently, hopefully you’ve seen the new commercials, sponsored by Powerade, supporting the power of pause. They feature premiere such as Simone Biles, Premier League soccer manager Antonio Conte and Olympic Gold diver Tom Daley as they take pause to relax and enjoy unexpected hobbies. Also featured are former NBA […]
This question came up in a couple of scenarios this week. So, I decided to go with the synergy of that and focus on the decisions surrounding self-revelation – or telling your story. Here’s the question: “How do I talk to someone about what’s really going on with me? I’m scared they’ll feel like I’m […]
We say things like this all the time… to other people. “You’ve got it all together.” “I could never handle all the things that you do – and you don’t even seem to think about it. You just do it.” That’s called projection in psychology. You’re looking at someone else and “projecting” you feelings onto […]
I originally wrote this in July of 2016 in the wake of natural disasters, shootings, and tragedies overseas. I’m offering it again to you today; sadly, it is as timely as ever. I’ve also included one detail that I’ve never shared before; it felt too deeply personal. Yet it’s also my truth. I sat down […]
A.A. Milne’s character Winnie the Pooh – Eeyore – the droopy eyed donkey who Winnie loves, has many famous quotes. But this is one of my favorites, especially when thinking about how to work through disappointment. “Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.” Disappointment is something we all have to work through. […]
Today’s episode is full of wonderful email questions from four of you and my answers! We’ll cover someone who identifies with perfectly hidden depression and is doing trauma work… but things seem to be getting harder, not easier. Is that normal? A second listener writes in about how difficult it is for her to change […]
Sometimes painful emotions feel like they may kill you. Perhaps J.K. Rowling of Harry Potter fame said it best. “I DON’T CARE!” Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”
Marriage Is Not For Chickens… A few years ago, I wrote a post about what marriage is- and what it isn’t. It went wildly viral on The Huffington Post and ultimately became a beautiful little gift book. Since then, I’ve given even more thought to how a healthy (or healthy enough) marriage or long-term relationship changes […]
During this challenging time, I share this post again in the hope of helping those of you already suffering from depression, for whom that depression might be worsened by anxiety and isolation, and even for those who want to stave off potential depression as we all manage greater levels of ambiguity and fear. Take good […]
Imagine my surprise when I heard of a great book I wanted to feature on SelfWork – and then discovered its author lived in my own hometown of Fayetteville, Arkansas! That book is You Are What You Click and its author is Dr. Brian Primack, internationally acclaimed expert on the relationships among media, technology, and health. […]
“I don’t know how I would make it if I didn’t have you to talk to.” “Sometimes I just want to it to be over. But I know I have you, and that keeps me from doing anything.” “If I lost you, I’d be nothing.” Words like these should send a shiver up your spine. […]
I get a lot of questions about therapy – how to find a therapist, how to know if therapy is working. One of the most common questions is, “How do I open up?” But here was another and different kind of comment last week. “Things I was only vaguely aware of, or knew, but was […]
One of the most debilitating fears you can have is the fear of aging — not simply the fear of looking older, but the fear of time itself passing. Maybe you have regrets about missed opportunities or sadness due to things you wish you could have a “do-over.” Maybe you have a fear of mortality, […]
Perhaps the most poignant messages I receive are the ones from people who love someone who’s becoming less and less “like’ themselves – and are frightened about what’s going on. This week I heard from a wife whose husband…”has always had an excuse for his extremely busy schedule. Over the past several months he has been […]
Death and family mourning were part of my everyday awareness, as I grew up the daughter of a much beloved funeral director. Wakes, cemetery plots, grave markers, funeral arrangements, caskets… all of it was part of my daily world. Dinner conversation would touch on who my dad had helped that day. But the conversation wasn’t […]
I want to eagerly and deeply thank HealthLine for naming The SelfWork Podcast the “Best Overall Podcast for Depression!” Wow!! Thank you to my team and to you, the listeners! Talk about not being able to “do it without you”? We truly can’t! So my gratitude to each and every listener… Today I’m going to […]
On this YGTG for this week, please know that we offer a trigger warning; I’m going to talk about the recent suicide of Cheslie Kryst. On the 30th of January, a young woman threw herself off the balcony of a New York high rise and died. She was Cheslie Kryst, Cheslie made history as the oldest […]
It’s no wonder why being vulnerable is so hard for so many. You learn to feel safe in the families you grow up in. If you were lucky, you had two fairly healthy parents who supported each other’s strengths, who had compassion for one another during their inevitable struggles, and who didn’t weaponize mistakes. You […]
Today we’re going to talk about the fairly sticky subject of the difference between expectations, demand, and setting boundaries. What do you do when you feel disappointed by others? Do you isolate or judge? Do you get mad or sulk? Could it be that your very expectations are the problem? Is it different to voice your […]
I’d like for you to introduce me to someone. The person is not a stranger; you’ve gone to bed with them every night for years. They’re right there waiting for you when you wake up in the morning, as you rub the sleep out of your eyes and face another day of trying to achieve […]
We have a huge treat for you today, and her name is Kimberly Quinlan. She specializes in anxiety disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, eating disorders, and body focused, repetitive behaviors.. She also provides one-on-one treatment, and offers free online courses at the school she founded, The CBT School. And I really recommend that any of you who […]
One of the seeming discoveries from this pandemic has been increased clarity about the state of your primary relationship. The two of you have had to face loss, ambiguity, fear, financial strain, difficult parenting decisions, all while spending much more time together than perhaps ever before. Long ago, you gazed at your partner-to-be and said, […]
Here’s our last Second Time Around until we’re back in the saddle in a few days! And we’re so looking forward to what’s ahead in 2022! What’s a trauma bond? How does it form? Why is it important for that dynamic to have its own label or name? Trauma bonding happens when trust is highly […]
I’m so delighted to be back with you in 2022! Happy New Year to all of you as we continue to work for you here on the podcast! We are growing by leaps and bounds so a huge thank you to all of you who’ve been sharing and telling your friends about your experience. Please […]
Hello and welcome again to SelfWork! We’ve got one more week until we’re back live! But I’ve chosen some of the most popular episodes to listen to a second time around! And of course, today’s episode is one very close to my heart. What’s the difference, or is there one, between Perfectly Hidden Depression and […]
Starting off in a new year, knowing it’ll be filled with both challenge and celebration, it helps to think you have a solid partnership in your life. But if you have conflict or estrangement or alienation within your relationship, facing a new year can be more than daunting and certainly very lonely. Today we’re going […]
Here we are on the cusp of 2022 today! And many of you will be trying once again to have a New Years resolution. I’m not a huge fan of those but building self-confidence would certainly be a worthy one! In this second time around for this episode, as my team and I take a […]
This is our second “Second Time Around” SelfWork episode as the team takes the holidays off (and I work on Book #2!) I loved this series on the most recent research on depression and what it indicates are the diverse potential sources or “reasons” for someone to experience depression. These episodes were first recorded in […]
This is our first “Second Time Around” SelfWork episode as we take the holidays off (and I work on Book #2!) I loved this series on the most recent research on depression and what it indicates are the diverse potential sources or “reasons” for someone to experience depression. This was first recorded in 2019 so […]
I've been writing for three years now about a syndrome called Perfectly Hidden Depression.
These are people who are inwardly struggling with depression, at times severe depression. But others would never guess that they were. They can act both intentionally, but also unconsciously, to deny and avoid pain or suffering. And they do it quite well. In fact, perfectly.
Today, I wanted to take the time before 2021 ends to answer a few more or your email questions. Your questions are so good, it’s hard not to answer them all! Today’s subjects are enmeshment, developing feelings for your therapist, maternal sexual abuse, and getting multiple forms of therapy at once – all great topics […]
Synergy is a strange and phenomenal thing. Like many people around the world, I watched in horror as the US military withdrew from Afghanistan, seeing the frenetic despair of those trying to get out, handing babies over to troops, risking their lives to get to freedom – It was raw fear happening right before your […]
Perhaps one of the most complex concepts in mental health is the concept of choice. More specifically, there’s a huge and dramatic debate over the idea that someone “chooses” depression or anxiety. I myself have panic disorder as many of you know and it riles me up a bit to hear from someone that I […]
What parent doesn’t have some form of regret? It goes along with the territory. Parenting is just plain tough. How often have you looked back at times you fell short? Times that you did, said, ignored, thought, blurted out, even screamed things you wish you could take back? Perhaps you looked the other way when […]
"Margaret, life is about compromise."
That's what my dad used to tell me from time to time.
Considering the massive amount of wisdom I'd accrued by the age I first heard him say this, probably around 20 or 21, I remember feeling that my father's early health problems had colored his thinking. I silently shook my head, and believed he was focusing on the negative -- on what you gave up in life. I was sure that with enough effort, and maybe a little good luck thrown in, you could achieve exactly what you wanted.
As a therapist, I’ve been honored by many to try to help them work through their grief. And it can be raw, cutting off someone’s ability to breathe deeply or feel like they’re even breathing at all. Or want to. But when I met met Leslie Streeter, I knew I had to have her on […]
It’s confession time here at SelfWork. People ask me all the time, “How do you have time for writing?” Or, “How do you come up with ideas?” Well, yesterday I was hitting a blank wall for this episode today. I’d start writing and then figure out I’d already written on the topic. Or I’d start […]
Do any of these ring familiar to you: perfectionism with an inner constant critic, over-responsibility, inability or great difficulty with expressing emotional vulnerability, chastising yourself if you’re not counting your blessings, always being there for others, but sharing very little of who you really are or what problems you might have? These are five of […]
I have a request to make – and I fully realize how difficult it might be for some of you to consider this. So my request is made very respectfully.. I am writing a second book about the potential dangers of destructive perfectionism, of suppressed emotional pain, of hidden depression – and at its worst […]
I do a lot of couples therapy and there are nine words that are music to my ears. “We came in before there was a real problem.” This very wise couple hasn’t waited until a crisis has hit; no one is flirting with a coworker, no vicious and repetitive arguments are heard late at night, […]
In today’s episode, sponsored by Athletic Greens, I want to talk about borderline personality disorder, but in a different way than I have before on SelfWork. I’ve mostly written about what it’s like to try to love someone with a serious personality disorder, like narcissism or borderline personality disorders. But today, I want to talk […]
How do you learn to hide pain?
What is it about hurt, vulnerability and sadness that makes many of us form a persona of happiness and busy-ness that shields us from the eyes of others? Why do we push ourselves to build a life that looks perfect from the outside, but can feel empty and despairing on the inside?
Today’s SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp, is all about answering your questions. We’re going to talk about everything from fear of failure (I’ll talk about navigating my own failures) to negative forecasting (aka “catastrophizing”) to identifying depression when it’s been all you can remember to what’s termed maladaptive daydreaming. I learn a lot when I research […]
Perfectly hidden depression. What is it? It’s depression that’s deeply disguised by a facade of perfectionism. Perhaps you feel something in your gut; there’s a sense that something is wrong. But if you search the symptoms of depression, nothing you find describes how you feel. Which in turn causes you to chastise yourself for even looking, […]
There are some people who are both humble and brilliant and Dr. Caroline Leaf is one of those people. She’s a world renowned Neuroscientist, mental health and mind expert, bestselling author of Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess and host of Cleaning Up The Mental Mess podcast. In this episode, we have a fascinating conversation about the mind-brain […]
Today, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to focus on what psychologists call “a solid sense of self” – which is a little jargonistic for me. First we’ll touch on the huge difference between codependence and interdependence, with the latter being so important in the development of trust and cooperation. Then we’ll move […]
When I say the word “bipolar,” what comes to your mind? Some of you may imagine someone like Robin Williams whose intense energy and rapid brilliance were a mainstay of his public persona. His suicide sparked a major discussion about bipolar disorder, even though there were other factors involved in his death. Others may think of […]
Let me take you back in time. I was on a first date with a guy named Jeff. I’d vetted him prior to our date, checked with people that I knew that he knew, etc. By all reports, he was nice, having earned his Ph.D, from the same program that I was currently slugging my […]
We’re going to talk about what I term a “trilogy of trouble” today, or basically how jealousy, envy and possessiveness can sabotage a relationship or commitment. This can happen in personal as well as professional relationships, but we’re mostly focused on personal aspects of the trio of trouble. Jealousy can emerge from fear and it […]
Today’s You Get the Gist is a short bow to my own aging process – as today is my birthday! It became clear to me last week that when someone is using such figures as Colonel Sanders to encourage you to keep on keeping on – something has shifted! lolol.. So I looked for stories […]
“We’re so codependent.” This phrase is thrown around a lot these days; sometimes it sounds like people are bragging about how close they are with their partners. Others are lamenting how much time they’ve had to spend home with their significant other during the pandemic. Codependent. . What exactly does this term mean? The beginning […]
I truly can’t express how I feel about SelfWork being alive and well and celebrating its 5th anniversary! I couldn’t do it without the listeners, the commenters, those who’ve emailed, those who’ve left ratings and reviews, those who listen week after week – or those of you who drop in from time to time. All […]
I’ve written a book about what I term perfectly hidden depression. It describes the phenomenon of leading a perfect-looking life on the outside, while carrying around a tremendous amount of silent despair – which can tragically lead to suicide. When what “seems” is far from what actually “is”… In talking about this kind of perfectionism, […]
Welcome to a difficult episode of SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp. First of all, I need to state a trigger/content warning for anyone listening who was forced manipulatively, physically or sexually into a sexual relationship with a parent or grandparent. I’ve done an episode on sibling sexual abuse and received a lot of feedback, thanking me for […]
“Love means you never have to say you’re sorry.” Those words were emblazoned on a poster that hung in my room in my high school years. Ali McGraw and Ryan O-Neal, stars of the hit movie “Love Story,” were blissfully gazing into a future of no conditions or expectations. My sixteen year-old self couldn’t wait to […]
Today I want to focus on the confusion that anyone can have about what’s causing their depression. And the important question is, “Is it me or is it my relationship?” The episode is in answer to an email I received from a 20-something listener but is a confusing problem for many. They write, “I would […]
It’s difficult to be around someone whose always whining. What does whining sound like? “I can’t get a break.” “Bad things seem to always happen to me.” “Wow, you’re lucky. My kids never call.” “My ex took my best years and I’ll never get them back.” Basically you believe that your life has never and […]
Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned career coach, spokesperson, and author of the bestselling book, You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, Design Your Dream Career. Through her two viral TEDx speeches, her online courses, and her podcast, the You Turn Podcast, she’s been able to support clients in 31 countries in discovering their best […]
Many people these days are on an SSRI, a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor. Like Lexapro. Or Prozac. But there is some danger that needs mostly to be known to be prevented. There’s a condition called serotonin syndrome, where you have too much serotonin in your system, that can be very dangerous. It doesn’t happen that […]
Mom. For many this word brings with it childhood memories of feeling safe while being tenderly tucked into bed, of band-aids and hugs when you scraped your knee, or of wise advice given when you fell in love for the first time. You watched your mom and learned from her; she was committed to family, […]
This is the 250th episode of SelfWork. And frankly, I’m amazed. So, that made me wonder… where does willpower come from? Can you learn to have more willpower? What makes something worth sacrificing for? What can cause you to forego immediate gratification for something where you’ll obtain or earn or enjoy something in the future? Is […]
As a therapist, I try to focus not just on concepts, but on tangibles to help people make concrete changes in their lives, no matter what issues they are facing.
This goes for facing an empty nest as well. There are very specific things you can do to help yourself get on with life after empty nest.
Today we’re focused on how on the power of words can calm or basically how to self-soothe. I stopped to think about “soothers” with words in our culture, such as Mister Rogers, Aibileen Clark from the movie The Help, and even more recently and comically, Ted Lasso. What they did or do reminds us of […]
Anger. There’s a lot of it out there. My office is on a narrow one-way street that isn’t well marked as such. A while back there was a big cement truck traveling the wrong way; it pulled over to let me by and I gestured, smiling, that this was a one-way street. The guy screamed, […]
This episode is my response to a review that was left on SelfWork this week. They write, “Thank you for taking the time to make this podcast. I’ve tried therapy at least five times in the last ten years for anxiety, depression and grief. I could never stick with therapy. But since discovering your podcast […]
Being a parent is a complicated job. Healthy parenting includes doing your best to create a loving environment, supporting your kids so that their talents and interests thrive, and guiding them as they increasingly build their own life. All parents are going to make mistakes that impact their children. It’s one of the terrifying […]
When I was a kid, I went to a Presbyterian church every Sunday and grew up there. Sunday School, church, youth group – the whole program. That’s not the subject for this episode, however. The topic today is self-forgiveness. Why did I bring up my church memories? Because I was very thoughtful about the whole […]
Every day I receive a bunch of emails from publicists, publishing houses, or teachers on every subject you could think of to suggest either themselves or their client to be a guest on SelfWork. It’s a flattering problems to have. But some are very unique, like this one from LinkedIn’s Scott Shute. “Hi Dr. Margaret, I […]
Your phone rings; you look down and her name appears on your screen. Sadly, you dread clicking over…and then comes the guilt. Your history with her rushes into your mind as you wait for one more ring. You’re reminded of all the times that you’ve rushed to her side, comforted her, and told her you’d […]
Sometimes I receive an email that tears at my heartstrings. And this week was one of those times. I’ll read you the email – the heads up is that it’s about a sudden and totally unexpected suicide that led its writer to reach out to me about perfectly hidden depression with the question – Can […]
The steps in this post are the basis for the treatment for the kind of depression I discuss in my book, Perfectly Hidden Depression – which at its most severe, can become deadly – as the pressure to never fail, to never falter becomes more and more intense. If you’re a perfectionist, it’s highly likely […]
On today’s You Get the Gist, I’m wanting to make a couple of points that may or may not have occurred to you while you heard about or you were watching Simone Biles’ journey at the Olympics. First, I wondered what your first thought might’ve been when you heard Ms. Biles had initially opted out. […]
Today we’re going to focus on why we lie to each other, to ourselves and even in therapy. We’ll touch on severe manipulative lying, called pathological lying, and compulsive lying, but most of the episode we’ll discuss plain old lying. I found two wonderful articles on the subject and their links are below. Hopefully understanding […]
After the 2016 presidential election, I got a call from a potential client, and she asked a question I’d never received before, “I need to know who you voted for.” I’ve been a therapist for over twenty-five years. I’d been asked if I was divorced, married, how old I was, whether or not I was […]
This week was very hard as one of my close family members died suddenly. I didn’t know if I’d have the energy or even the ability to do a podcast. So, I looked for one that I might add on to – maybe about grief. And I found this podcast from a year and a […]
A lot of people feel invisible, for many different reasons. Perhaps you’re one of them; but what do you mean by “feeling invisible?” Perhaps you feel like you don’t matter, as if you aren’t a vital part of the world that’s going on around you. Maybe you feel overlooked by those who are supposed to […]
Do you or someone you know apologize all the time? This can stem from several dynamics – if you’re in an abusive relationship currently or there was trauma in your childhood where you’ve grown up believing that the fault when relationships or events go sour is somehow all yours. There’s also the presence of anxiety […]
For today’s YGTG, or “You Get the Gist,” I was pondering what a patient of mine said the other day. He had to struggle a bit with the idea that therapy – for him – felt a little self-indulgent. He followed quickly up by saying, “I know it’s because I rarely if ever focus on […]
The Hidden Opponent is the name of D1 College Athlete Victoria Garrick’s TedTalk. And it’s powerful. Who is she? She’s a former Division I Volleyball Player, TED Talk Speaker and has now become a social media Influencer, and mental health advocate. Those are the facts about Victoria Garrick. She’s young, she’s incredibly energetic and passionate. She’s highly […]
It’s been long known in the field of trauma that people who survive a car wreck, a mass shooting, or now, a worldwide viral pandemic – can often struggle with questions about why they survived, while someone right next to them, or someone they loved, did not. Parents who buried their children. Teachers who saw […]
Trigger warning: Domestic violence discussed.. How did a jingle singer become a therapist? It took me years. I began by volunteering at the Battered Women’s Shelter in Dallas. I was singing jazz at the Fairmont Hotel bar; my night would end at 1:00 in the morning, and the shelter needed someone for the 2:00 – […]
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is all about discovering your mental mistakes or cognitive distortions – or as the CBT folks say, “Your stinkin thinkin.” And CBT is the most recommended therapeutic method to fend off depression. It makes sense. It’s fairly easy to understand. And their premise is that if you change what you believe, […]
We’re talking self-talk today on SelfWork; What is it? And what can you do about it? A lot of people tell me they kinda “know” what it is, but haven’t a clue how to change it. It feels as if it’s too elusive. How could you possibly rein in what your mind is telling you […]
As I wrote the book Perfectly Hidden Depression, I included over sixty specific exercises that would make reading it more of an emotional challenge, rather than one more chance to analyze. There are both action-oriented and reflective exercises and hopefully, you’d come away with a journal full of fresh insights, guidance on effecting real change […]
In today’s SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to be talking about how to enrich your emotional life through self-compassion. So many people tell me that they don’t know how to begin to risk feelings that have been suppressed for years. But when you do, you expand the emotions available to you, and enrich your […]
Depression can steal your sense of vitality. Your “get up and go” or your motivation to reach goals that mean something to you can disappear. It’s called anhedonia — basically the lack of pleasure in (or motivation for) activities that used to mean something to you or to try on new challenges. But you don’t […]
During the last week of June 2021 and first full week of July, we’re taking a bit of vacation – my awesome engineer has a fabulous move to make – and I’m getting ready to teach my first course on PHD to therapists! In fact, if you’d like to sign up for this power-packed CEYou! […]
I remember taking the Enneagram years ago – and quite frankly, I got pretty defensive about the results. It’s funny now to think about! “This isn’t me,” I sarcastically decided. But I learned a lot about not only that defensiveness but the great insights the Enneagram has to offer through this conversation with author, speaker […]
What are the Sunday Scaries? it’s the phenomenon that so many experience at the end of the week, or perhaps more importantly, the end of the weekend – and the anticipation of entering the following work week. It’s very real, although it’s a little difficult to specifically define. Because it has lots of ways of […]
Being taken for granted is a lonely feeling, and it’s very easy to allow that to grow into resentment. Especially for those things that become “your” thing. If you’re a good cook, you plan dinner. if you’re a better money manager, then that becomes your job. One of you can be in and out of […]
Your words greatly contribute to shaping your reality, and the health of your relationship is no exception. “I can’t take much more of this.” “I can’t believe I ever married you.” “I’ve had it with you.” These words may be said in jest, a heated moment, or perhaps they’ve been uttered repeatedly in exasperation. Maybe […]
Today on SelfWork we’re going to be talking about what have been called “daddy issues” as Father’s Day is upcoming and many children will be honoring their fathers who were there for them and with whom they enjoyed an emotionally safe and stable relationship. We’ll talk about how this term has been used in a […]
My dad was very open with his love. One of his favorite things to say when I'd made a mess of things was, "You can always come home." He'd send me a hand-written letter when things were tough, often quoting scripture, but always with a supportive, guiding message that reminded me of what was really important in life. And I knew how his eyes would light up when he saw me, especially when I no longer lived in the same city as him and my mom. I'm sure my brothers saw that same light.
There’s a fierce search out there to get yourself, to know who you are and how you impact others. It’s why assessments like the Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram are so popular. And how their language can become very personal and special to someone who uses it regularly. So, when I listened in on the first […]
In today’s episode of SelfWork, we’ll focus on toxic positivity and how it’s very different from gratitude. I was motivated by an intriguing interview I heard on the podcast “Terrible – Thanks for Asking” with author and Harvard professor Susan David. She was talking about her own work with what she terms “emotional agility” – […]
The year the world turned 2000, I was 46. Midlife was upon me. A few people were stockpiling water and supplies, zealous about the world coming to an end, while others were impatiently awaiting spectacular fireworks on New Years Eve, toasting one another gaily with Dom Perignon (or perhaps a less pricey variety of the same […]
So welcome to all of you on this second of a two-part series on veterans’ suicide on this Memorial Day weekend, once again sponsored by Athletic Greens. The story you’re going to hear from this young woman is one you’ll likely never forget. Danica Thomas was the wife of a career military guy, Alan Thomas. […]
Today’s YGYG (You Get The Gist) is focusing on the promise of there being genetic tests that would help your doctor choose the most effective medication for you. It’s exciting to consider due to the fact that many people have to try several medications before finding one that works for them – while at the […]
Welcome to a two-part series created to highlight our veterans and first responders, all whose suicide rates are very high. Today’s interview is with Dr. Shauna Springer, better known to her veteran clients as “Doc.” The story of how she learned how to work with veterans’ trauma actually holds within it a far broader approach […]
Depression wears many faces. Far too often, no one can see it because it doesn’t look like classic depression; instead it’s cloaked beneath the facade of the perfect-looking life. The mask of looking in extreme control hides your actual reality from everyone around you…and perhaps even yourself. Who wears this face? She’s Janet, the professionally […]
Before we get started, I wanted you to know that Facing Depression, my new course all about depression – what causes it and what you can do about it – is available now, exclusively on Himalaya Learning. Himalaya Learning is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses straight to your ears from […]
My grandparents had a gorgeous old grandfather clock in their den where my grandmother rocked and knitted while my grandfather read his paper. I loved the deep, resonate sound it made every second of every day. Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock… That tangible reminder of time passing was as comforting as the very predictability of the […]
Hello and welcome to another five minute interlude or what we call You Get The Gist! YGTG. Today I’m revealing some new thoughts about imposter syndrome – I did an episode on it now years ago. But what I was intrigued to read recently was some research coming out of Harvard – critiquing the whole […]
Before we get started, I wanted you to know that Facing Depression, my new course all about depression – what causes it and what you can do about it – is available now, exclusively on Himalaya Learning. Himalaya Learning is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses straight to your ears from […]
A couple of years ago, I got a quite unexpected email from an old boyfriend. I’d only talked to him once after a mutual friend had died – a conversation that had only focused on memories of that person and our own unique grief. He told me about something I said when we were both […]
There are so many times when I don’t think things are going to go well and I hope I’m wrong. And sometimes, I certainly am. But I wrote a post back in 2015 right after a young Josh Duggar’s problems with sexual abuse came to be known. My post focused on how his family had […]
Dr. Kristina Keifer reached out to me recently. Her email was simple and to the point. “I’m in vet med and veterinarians are in trouble.” I was intrigued and looked up some statistics on my own. Nearly 400 veterinarians died by suicide between 1979 and 2015, according to a CDC study published in January that analyzed more […]
Today we’re going to focus on your gut – and how recent research is finding that it may have more to do with depression and anxiety than realized in the past. Believe it or not, there’s a second independent nervous system in your body called the enteric nervous system, located in your gut. And it […]
When I first moved back to Arkansas, there were facts about my life I didn’t want others to know. I’d grown up in a small town in southern Arkansas, where everybody knew everything about everybody; I wasn’t relishing moving from Dallas, where there was a certain amount of anonymity to the much-less populated Fayetteville. My […]
No one welcomes depression. The brilliant writer Andrew Solomon describes his own severe depressive episode. “All I wanted was for “it” to stop; I could not have managed even to be so specific as to say what “it” was.” He quotes Emily Dickinson’s poem, the first line of which is haunting: “I felt a Funeral, […]
Compartmentalization (sometimes called stuffing away feelings) is a healthy skill much of the time. And you can tell when people don’t have that skill. Their emotions govern their lives and their choices. Something unpleasant or unwelcome ruins their day or causes them to have to leave their job or to yell at their kids. Or […]
Today’s “You Get the Gist” explains the four different types of narcissism. All of them share the major features of a constant need for admiration, an unrealistic sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and great difficulty forming meaningful relationships. What are they and how are both similar and dissimilar to one another? You’ll find […]
From the first to about the eighth grade, while the other kids were socializing at lunch, my mom picked me up so I could go home and rest. I had a neurological problem that made it dangerous for me to be too physically active or get too hot, I hated it. Walking back onto campus […]
As many of you know, I was a professional singer before I began my journey to become a therapist and a psychologist. The only thing I knew about therapy was that I’d had lots of it and had never laid down on a couch. And that it had been extremely helpful many times. My decision […]
At thirteen years old, I decided I was going to shave my legs, all the way up to mid-thigh. I felt quite adult and dangerously risqué. My mother was mortified and told me, “You’ll regret it forever.” At the time, I took her comment quite superficially. “You’re trying to keep me from growing up,” I bristled. […]
Jenny Lawson, known as The Bloggess, has literally thousands who follow her. She’s also a mom, a wife, and luckily for us, an author. Broken (in the best possible way) is her newest book. In all her books, she’s more than open about her struggles with chronic mental illness, including severe social anxiety and chronic […]
Welcome to SelfWork’s You Get the Gist, five minutes of some ideas you can ponder for the rest of the day. Today YGTG is about saying goodbye. When I knew back in 1992 that my husband and I were going to leave Dallas and move to Arkansas, I distinctly remember a conversation I had with […]
Sometimes, something hits a nerve. A few years ago this Dove commercial caught my attention. It highlights body image messages that mothers might unintentionally give daughters. And…it shocked me. The subject of the video is moms talking about what they liked and disliked about their bodies, while stating with assurance that they’d only taught their […]
In today’s episode, sponsored by BetterHelp, we’ll be talking about enmeshment. It sometimes can be confused with codependency, terms which some use interchangeably. We’ll focus on not only enmeshed families or couples, but also parent/child enmeshment. And I’ll offer seven steps to slowly and carefully begin to gain more of your independence and sense of […]
Today’s YGTG, or “you get the gist” deals not with who’s right and who’s wrong in the ongoing drama between Meghan Markle, Prince Harry and Great Britain’s royals. Nor with the very serious allegations about racism. As a psychologist, what I’m concerned about is how this focus on talking about suicidal thinking is affecting those […]
“Text me.” That request would’ve sounded crazy twenty-five years ago. Now it’s the way many of us communicate; it’s easy, fun, and convenient. It opens up time in your day to be more productive. Or to binge on a little Netflix. A quick text can be expedient and efficient for work, and it allows you […]
It’s Women’s History Month! And I’m excited to announce that SelfWork has a new sponsor – Premium Jane. You can visit them at premiumjane.com and use coupon code SelfWork to get 20% off your purchase! More to come! Today we’ll talk about women who’ve been important crusaders for mental health awareness, both present-day celebrities and historically important female voices, […]
Perhaps you, or someone you love, has taken The Beck Depression Inventory. It’s a very well-known questionnaire that’s often used to determine if someone meets the criteria for depression as it covers its traditional mental, emotional and physical aspects. It’s easy to take, is self-scored, and even quantifies just how depressed you might be, dependent […]
How can you prevent something that may be seemingly inconsequential or something “I should be able to manage” from becoming the straw that breaks the camel’s back? Here are seven ways to prevent that from happening. We’re all handling isolation, quarantine, job loss, financial troubles, boredom, loneliness, grief, fear – a new brand of anxiety […]
I was in therapy a good deal in my twenties and early thirties, and most of the work had to do with shame. A therapist once suggested I read a book called,“Taming Your Gremlins.” It focused on recognizing the pesky, persistent, and very damaging inner demons that can whisper to you constantly about how no […]
We’re killing two birds with one stone on this episode of SelfWork, one again sponsored by BetterHelp. I talk about a recent Ted Radio Hour interview I heard with A.J. Jacobs. He’s the author of the recent new book Thanks A Thousand. He did a fascinating and arduous life study of how to make himself […]
I remember the first Christmas break after my freshman year in college. My high school friends and I had just seen each other at Thanksgiving. Everything had been fantastic — lots of reminiscing as well as catching up, laughing about someone sporting a new beard, or talk about who still had a crush on who. […]
This is the first in a series here on SelfWork about careers that can kill. Over the next few months, we’re going to interview people who are led to careers that hold within them the ever-increasing danger of suicidal ideation or suicide itself. Doctors, police officers, the military. We are losing the people that we, […]
Today I’m sharing the work of Stacey Wright, a psychotherapist in Georgia whose work is frequently featured on The Mighty. She specializes in the treatment of highly sensitive people. I thought what she had to say was very clear in her latest article on The Mighty. And she further distinguishes those who are highly sensitive […]
“I want this over!!” is being shouted from the rooftops by many after this round of holidays held little release from the sacrifices we are all making. But pandemic fatigue can easily morph into pandemic burnout, meaning that whatever skills you’d been using to dig a little deeper or find some laughter or hope – […]
There’s an old saying — comparison is the thief of joy. You betcha. It’s one thing to actively participate in a competition, where you intentionally choose to make a huge individual or team effort in a contest. You either win or lose and being compared to others is baked into this type of rivalry. Competition […]
Today in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re talking about hypnosis. Not only will I try to debunk the various myths there are out there about it, but help you understand exactly how it can work. I’ve been hypnotized several times myself and I’ll explain what I experienced. I’ve also been trained in hypnosis so […]
In the second grade, I was elected “Valentine Queen” of my class. I wore a glittery paper crown all day long and dreamed of future ascensions. Miss Pine Bluff. Miss Arkansas. Miss America. I remember the surprising happiness that seeped inside of me, wondering finally (after all of seven long years…) if I was really […]
Writing a book is the hardest and most labor-intensive task I’ve ever accomplished. And sometimes, while I was deep in the throws of its creation, I would wonder why I was doing it, even though I was so passionate about its message. What did I really hope would happen as a result? Well, two things […]
At the age of 34, I didn’t think I’d ever live down my shame. I’d struggled through a chaotic ten years. I’d ended two marriages – for very different reasons. Yet I was acutely aware that the common thread between them was me. I was struggling to even think of myself as a worthwhile person because […]
Trigger Warning: If you choose to listen to this episode on sibling sexual abuse, please keep your own self-care in mind. I’ll have international sexual abuse hotline numbers in the show notes: But the US hotline is 1-800-656-4673. Sibling sexual abuse is a complex and painful subject that’s vastly underreported. And it can happen in […]
We all do it. Fuss. Bicker. Squabble. And we usually do it with the people we literally love the most. It’s almost as if you’re following a script. You say the same things that you said the last time you bickered. You know how long the fight’s going to last, who’s going to complain about […]
How much do you count on people “liking” or “following” you or the videos you put on Instagram, FB or TikTok? And are you really happy or does your life appear to others as happy? Is your self-esteem found in the present or does it lie in the amount of positive attention something gets on […]
Falling in love can be heaven on earth. When you find love “the second time around” this is no different. Not only do you appreciate having found each other, you’ve hopefully learned about yourselves as individuals and as partners from past experience. You’ve recognized mistakes that you made in your first marriage. Now you’re ready […]
Today’s podcast is one that, if you’ve been listening to SelfWork for a while, you know that this topic has been my own personal passion – as it’s closely aligned with my work on perfectly hidden depression. We’ll talk about ten fears you face when you choose to give up or ease out of being or […]
Many of us have spent months being isolated socially; hopefully it’ll be sooner than later that we can rejoin our friends and colleagues for in-person gatherings. However for those of you who suffer with social anxiety, this might not be as welcome as it is for others. These days of forced hibernation might have given […]
If there’s ever been a time when we need to manage our emotions, it’s now. None of us are sure what these next few months will bring – or even 2021 – and that’s true on many fronts. So this week’s podcast is on managing your feelings. The term for doing this in psychology is […]
There’s an exciting new product on the market – especially for anyone who has suffered with horrible PTSD-based nightmares. I should first tell you I have no relationship with the makers of this product. But since I’ve treated many patients with both PTSD and CPTSD, I know how exhausting and frightening these nightmares are. It’s […]
Thank you to so many of you who contacted me these past two or three weeks! This week’s episode is a conversation – not literally – but I’ve heard from so many of you about the last couple of SelfWork podcasts. You sent me your stories of your own struggles with a therapist, especially about […]
Note: If you’ve been sexually abused, this post could trigger you. Please read with care. For the National Sexual Abuse Hotline, click here. I’m not so sure what is worse — hearing someone’s story about their sexual abuse — or hearing these words. “My mother knew.” “I told Dad what his friend had done to […]
Wow. Sometimes when I pick a subject for SelfWork, I have to dig deep to find research that I can bring that will add clarity or give you what’s new out there on the subject. People pleasing? There are YouTube videos galore and all kinds of other resources. Most everyone agreed on how it starts […]
What does depression feel like? Andrew Solomon, a journalist and author who has suffered with severe depression wrote, “The opposite of depression isn’t happiness, but vitality.” This makes so much sense; when you’re not depressed that doesn’t mean you’re constantly happy, but instead you have a general reserve of energy and enthusiasm upon which you […]
Here’s a bonus episode for you during the holidays! I couldn’t think of a better guest than Shann Vander Leek. She’s the cohost of the extremely popular podcast AnxietySlayer and the website AnxietySlayer.com. Her gentleness and broad knowledge of all things calming is incredible. She and her partner Ananga have created a complete experience of […]
Today’s SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp, focuses on why, how and why you might choose to end therapy, or more concisely, to leave a particular therapist. We’ll cover some “good” reasons to leave, reasons that either have to do with the success you’ve experienced or reaching your goals, as well as the ones that have to […]
As you look forward to a new year and the hope that it brings, especially after a year which brought with it so much pain and uncertainty, you may be jotting down New Year’s resolutions. After all, what could be more motivating than wanting a better year than 2020? And you might be exactly right. […]
I’d planned to do this episode of SelfWork on developing trust in others. But as I researched the question, I realized that first, you have to make sure you can trust your own decision-making. And your gut. I found the work of Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman (who made the most sense to me) on […]
For many women, being thin is worshipped like no other physical attribute. Not your hair, not your muscles, not your voice. The greatest compliment a woman can hear (at least according to some)? “You look like you’ve lost weight…”.
People can dread the holiday season for a number of reasons, both simple and complicated. And this year… it’s the end of an extremely complicated year. So we all need to breathe.. What do you dread feeling or experiencing? If it’s loss.. You might have had losses or trials in your life that overwhelm and […]
YGTG is five minutes of jam-packed info about one concept or idea or behavior – and today it’s about emotional bandwidth. People are using the term emotional bandwidth to reveal that they can’t tolerate certain emotions or discussions. It’s a short cut way of saying, “I can’t be there for you right now.” But when […]
Sometimes my own life offers a topic to me; I was definitely struggling to not be dragged down by my own rumination this past weekend. So many of us are spending hours worrying about Covid, politics, the future, finances, about jobs. The list is endless. So today, in this episode, sponsored once again by BetterHelp, […]
Challenging your assumptions can lead to remarkable change – and a break from intense emotional paralysis. On SelfWork today, sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to talk about doing the dishes. Yes you heard me – dishes. One of my FB closed group members very aptly posted the story you’re about to hear as a way […]
With the ongoing pandemic affecting all of our daily lives, issues we have in our primary relationships can barge its way into the forefront. Differences in parenting styles is a big one; being at home with your partner and seeing them parent in ways with which you might disagree can become increasingly challenging. Note: This […]
Whether or not you believe that dreams have meaning (and almost half of Americans think that’s true…), you probably have had many types of dreams. Today, in another episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to talk about the diverse categories of dreams – and then the proposed “meaning” of those very dreams. We’ll look into […]
A few weeks ago, a patient looked at me and said, “I realized that what I needed – I’d had all along. It’s like the ruby red slippers. You simply have to know their power and your own power.” I haven’t been able to get that notion out of my head since that session. We […]
I recently watched "13 Reasons Why," a Netflix series depicting a young increasingly depressed teenage girl losing the fight with her will to live.
It's based on the book by the same name.
Trigger Alert: This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse, so please listen with care. Movember is a movement whose focus is to raise concern and awareness about the state of men’s health, both medical and mental, in the United States. I myself have seen firsthand how extremely difficult it is for many men to seek help or […]
Codependent. You’ve probably heard people describe themselves or others as “codependent;” it’s a commonly used term these days. But what exactly is codependency? Is it a good thing, a bad thing, or somewhere in the middle? There are many different definitions, and many different experts on the subject. Initially, a codependent relationship was defined as […]