Uncategorized Archives - Social Anxiety Solutions: Recent Episodes
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SUMMARY In this video… Sebastiaan emphasizes the power of accepting and normalizing blushing rather than solely focusing on triggers or feelings of shame and embarrassment. While resolving blushing completely may require significant effort, he suggests a different approach: tapping on accepting the experience of blushing. This will help neutralize negative judgments and uncomfortable...
The post How to Reduce Facial Blushing with EFT Tapping? appeared first on Social Anxiety Solutions.
SUMMARY In this video… Sebastiaan shares his personal journey of overcoming Social Anxiety and offers unique techniques to help viewers achieve the same results. He emphasizes the power of accepting anxiety and releasing negative emotions associated with self-judgment. He provides insights and practical exercises to help viewers overcome the fear of being seen...
The post Are You Scared to Get Anxious? Here’s how to fix it! appeared first on Social Anxiety Solutions.
SUMMARY In this video… Sebastiaan acknowledges that resolving Social Anxiety in a single session is highly unlikely based on their experience coaching socially anxious clients for over 14 years. He shares a client’s story to illustrate the process of overcoming Social Anxiety. The client initially felt calmer after the first session but reported...
The post You Can Beat Social Anxiety in Just One EFT Session?!! appeared first on Social Anxiety Solutions.
SUMMARYIn this video…Sebastiaan highlights the importance of good lifestyle habits in reducing Social Anxiety and improving overall well-being.
He emphasizes 3 essential key factors:
1. Proper sleep
2. Exercise
3. Diet
As a bonus tip, he recommends practicing meditation and yoga, as these activities have scientifically proven benefits for stress reduction, improved sleep, mood enhancement, and inner strength.
Sebastiaan advises viewers to start small and focus on one positive habit at a time rather than attempting to change everything at once.
To learn more about tapping and overcoming Social Anxiety, get our FREE Mini course:
The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence
FULL TRANSCRIPTIONDon’t you find that when you have a couple of drinks, Social Anxiety isn’t that much of a problem or is actually not even there?
If that’s a yes for you, have you also experienced (just like me, and lots of people inside our club reported this as well in a recent discussion) that when you’re hungover, you’re so much more anxious?
Even so, forget about alcohol. Have you ever had a horrible night of sleep, like three or four hours of sleep? Then the next day, you’re more worried, more nervous, more self-conscious, focused on yourself and not connecting with other people, and just more anxious? Well, me too.
In terms of drinking, a whole bunch of years ago I was in Thailand during the Songkhram Festival, which is the Thai’s New Year’s. This was a big water festival, and I went out drinking. That was my way to deal and cope with Social Anxiety.
When I was drunk, I was having a great time. I was not feeling anxious at all, and I was confident. I didn’t take myself seriously and could joke around with all of that liberated liquid confidence.
But I went too far, as I frequently did. Because New Year’s was spread out over several days, I went out drinking one day until six o’clock in the morning. The next day was Songkran. I was so hungover, I couldn’t go, but let’s just go another day.
I went drinking another day. The next day after that, I had such a bad hangover that I had panic attacks throughout the day. I couldn’t face anyone. I’m super scared of being seen, really ashamed of myself, jittery, and all of that. It was so bad.
I told myself, “I’m going to quit drinking; I am done with this”.
So I did. Not completely. I went to once-a-month drinking to get up with my buddy Lee instead of drinking on Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. What I noticed was that my mood was a lot more stable. That was very interesting.
It kind of makes sense, of course. If you go on these big benders, you’ll have a hangover the next day. Then the next day, you have to recover from your hangover, and your mood is very unstable as a result of it. Not only that, but you’re also interrupting your sleep patterns and that kind of stuff.
That was interesting to me. I found that I was just in a better mood overall. Up until that time, I thought that tapping was everything. Yeah, this is in my early days of tapping. I thought I could just tap on anything and do whatever. There is no problem that tapping cannot fix.
I’ve since changed my mind about that. I’ve discovered that certain lifestyle habits lead to me being:
- more stable
- more at ease
- more grounded
- more easygoing
- happier
- more connected with other people
Whereas certain bad lifestyle habits lead to me being:
- more moody
- crankier
- more controlling
- meaner
- less mood
- feeling less good about myself
- less productive
- less motivated
I’ve worked with lots of socially anxious clients. Some of them suffer from generalized anxiety, more generalized anxiety, or simply poor mental health as a result of their poor lifestyle habits.
Which in turn…
- Leads them to having a ton more worries, negative thoughts and feelings
- Causes them to take less tapping action cause they “don’t feel like it”
- Makes them worry about socialising more
- Has them feel more hopeless about the future
So the pretty easy conclusion I came to is that poor lifestyle habits can worsen your Social Anxiety. Good lifestyle habits can reduce your Social Anxiety.
Now, this is not news to you, right?
But you’re used to hearing only about tapping from me. Tapping is one of the things that I talk about the most because it is an essential ingredient compared to just changing your thoughts, facing your fear, and being mindful.
Tapping is the key, the essential missing piece, if you ask me. That’s why I talk about it a lot.
You need to have these other pieces in place as well. Otherwise, you’re making things so much harder for yourself. Here are the essential keys, and I’ll go over them in rapid fire:
1. PROPER SLEEP
It’s a well known fact that poor sleep disrupts your stress response system, your emotional regulation, your emotional well being and your overall well being. That leads to more difficulties managing your anxiety and stress levels.
Some quick tips:
– get your regular seven or eight hours of sleep
– go to bed at the same time
– wake up at the same time
– make sure your room is as quiet and as dark as possible
– don’t eat any big meals before going to bed
– no sugary drinks
– no screens up to an hour before going to bed because that messes with your melatonin levels, which interrupts and disrupts your sleep.
2. EXERCISE
This one is very important. You have all of that worry, stress, and anxiety. That’s because all of this energy inside doesn’t have an outlet.
When you exercise, it’s proven to release endorphins, which are your happy hormones. It reduces your stress level easily. What you want to do is:
– start small
– start with just two or five minutes a day
– follow these videos that you got on YouTube
3. DIET
Basically, you want to avoid EXCESSIVE sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. If you have too much of caffeine, it’s going to make you jittery. That will interfere with your sleeping pattern. We’ve gone over sleep before.
Too much sugar spikes your blood sugar levels. That can have you up and down in your mood. It also affects the balance of gut bacteria, which also impacts your mood.
Finally, alcohol. Well, we’ve kind of talked about this already. While you might get the liquid confidence when you’re having a couple of drinks, you’ve got the problem with the hangover the next day. You’ll be worrying about, “Oh, did I make a fool out of myself?”, and “What if I’m going to run into them again?”, and so on and so forth.
Here’s a real comment from someone inside our Social Confidence Club who posted the following in our WhatsApp group:
“My confidence is improving quite a bit lately. I’m 104 days alcohol free. If you drink and suffer from social anxiety, I recommend taking a break from booze and let your brain reset.”
BIG TIP. Everything is okay in moderation. It’s okay to have sugar, it’s okay to have alcohol, and it’s okay to have coffee.
But if you have 10 coffees a day, you’re snacking on two big ice creams just before going to bed, and you’re getting drunk all the time, there’s a problem.
You might want to do a cleanse of some sort. Do not take any of that particular thing for an extended period of time so that your system gets rid of the addiction to it. It doesn’t take too long.
Alcohol is more challenging. If you have alcoholism problems, you are going to need some assistance for that, most likely. A clean break will kind of reset things. From that place, you can have a healthier relationship with that particular thing.
If a lot of your lifestyle habits are out of whack, here’s something that I suggest doing:
– start small
– start with one thing
– create one new positive habit
– do not try to do everything at the same time because you do not have the willpower for it.
Trust me. I’ve tried it. I’ve done it for years, and I’m still messing up in that area quite significantly.
I’m like, “Oh, I want to do this”, “I want to wake up at that time” and then “I want to do this meditation and then yoga”, all of these things.
When you focus on one specific thing, do that for 21 days, 30 days, two months, or even 90 days, depending on how difficult it is or how difficult the activity is.
When you commit to one particular thing, it becomes easier to do that rather than everything at the same time.
So there you go. I’ll leave you with this bonus tip.
Meditation and Yoga.
Very, very powerful. Both have a lot of science backing them up, which is why they’re so useful.
– It reduces stress.
– It improves your sleep.
– It improves your mood.
– It improves the way that you think.
– It makes you stronger inside.
– It makes you more resilient.
– It helps you better deal with Social Anxiety.
All of these things are basic. Everyone talks about them all the time. I haven’t talked much about them myself because everyone already talks about them.
I want to make it clear that it is very important to cover the basics. By covering the basics, you can already reduce your Social Anxiety.
From that place, you’re reducing anxiety, and you have more motivation to actually take the steps.
Take the tapping steps in order to neutralize and overcome your Social Anxiety completely.
If you want to learn how to do that, go to https://bit.ly/socialconfidencenow.
Talk to you soon. Bye.
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!
SEND ME THE 7 SECRETS TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE!
The post “My Lifestyle Makes My Social Anxiety Worse?! WTF!” appeared first on Social Anxiety Solutions.
SUMMARYIn this video…Sebastiaan responds to a viewer’s question about how to do EFT tapping in public.
He demonstrates “finger tapping”, a less noticeable method of tapping on your fingers than tapping on the usual EFT tapping points.
However, using this technique to get rid of Social Anxiety in a social situation will not be as effective as traditional tapping.
Sebastiaan advised that finger tapping will work better if done simultaneously with the intention to accept and allow the anxiety to happen.
You can improve your tapping effectiveness by watching our guided tapping videos regularly.
Get our FREE Mini course:
The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence
FULL TRANSCRIPTIONImagine you’re in a social situation and you’re feeling anxious.
Your heart is racing.
You’re nervous.
You’re worrying about what might go wrong.
You’re feeling anxious.
All of a sudden you thought, “Yeah, I know EFT tapping!”
You started going, “Even though I feel anxious and I have this anxiety in my chest, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Then, all the people turned to you and they were like,
“What the hell’s going on with this guy?” “He’s lost the plot.” “What’s happening here?”
That’s not very realistic, right?
So, how do you use tapping in a secret way? How do you make it so that people don’t know? How can you keep it invisible?
Well, that’s what I’m going to answer today. I do that because I got this question:
“I only have one question regarding the tapping. If I’m in a public place where I see people everywhere around me, how would I be supposed to do it without getting strangers’ attention, like in a restaurant, etc.”
I’m going to teach you two things.
1. Finger Tapping
The well known points are,
- top of the head
- beginning of the eyebrow
- side of the eye
- under the eye
- under the nose
- chin point
- beginning of the collarbone
- under the arm
- liver point
- karate chop
…then back again.
The less familiar points are the finger points, but they’re equally or almost as powerful.
Where are the finger points?
They are on the outside of the nail bed of the thumb and on the inside of the nail bed of each finger.
You can tap on it in the way that I just did. You can open your hand, fold your thumb, drop your index finger, and tap on the outside of the thumb. Then you make a fist and use your thumb to drop down on the inside of the nail bed of those fingers. You’re now tapping.
My mentor, Dr. David Lake, is a psychotherapist and one of the most qualified people I know. He learned the tapping technique in 1998. He made all sorts of refinements with his mate, psychologist Steve Wells.
Eventually, David ended up just using finger tapping in his psychotherapy sessions. It is very powerful. What they taught me was that you can take this with you anywhere you go.
So right now, I’m tapping. You don’t want to tap too hard because you’ll get a different impression. You can have it behind your back, and you can be tapping. If you’re wearing a jacket, you can be tapping, etc.
It’s kind of like a movement that some people are making anyway. This is a way that you can hide the tapping and take it with you in a social situation.
If you’re in a meeting, you can do it under the table. That’s a way to make it invisible.
Here’s a disclaimer:
When you’re tapping on Social Anxiety in a social situation, tapping to get rid of the anxiety is not going to do very well. Why not? Because your brain in that situation is perceiving a threat.
It activates the Fight Flight Freeze response in order to sound the alarm.
“Hey, danger! Get the hell away from here!” or “Fight or freeze!”
As long as your brain is perceiving a threat, typically this is not going to be effective. What’s going to be more effective is doing this tapping while simultaneously having the intention to accept and allow the anxiety symptoms to be there.
I know this is a counterintuitive instruction, but this is actually what will help you complete the cycle. What you try to push down will fight back. What you resist persists. What you accept and allow can begin to calm you down.
Emotions and anxiety are like waves in the ocean. They peak somewhere. When you allow it and don’t obstruct it, it can come and go.
I’m not saying this will definitely eliminate your Social Anxiety, but it may calm it down a bit. What you can also do is excuse yourself if it’s possible or appropriate. Go for a walk where you have some privacy, or go to the toilet. Then, start tapping on whatever it is that is triggering you.
That’s what you can do at the moment when you don’t have the same level of control that you have when you’re inside the comfort of your own home.
Once the situation is over, you can ask yourself,
What was it that was triggering me? What did I see as a threat? What did I see? Or hear? What was being said that I emotionally reacted to? What emotional thoughts do I have about this? What feelings does this trigger in my body?
Then use the tapping to neutralize that.
2. Purposely go to a social situation
Not the one where you actually start socializing. A lot of people are actually anxious just because they are in a particular social situation. Let’s say you’re going to a restaurant by yourself, sitting on the train, on the bus, or whatever.
Go wherever that place is, and just do the finger tapping. Now that you’re not engaging or interacting with anyone, you can actually focus on what it is that is triggering you.
First, focus on accepting and allowing the anxiety while you’re doing your finger tapping. You can do it with one hand. You can do it with two hands. You can do that invisibly.
Once you’ve kind of calmed yourself down, you can simply start tapping. That will draw people’s attention. But it’s actually not so much because I do it all over the place.
Some people might look over, and some people might laugh. Those are tapping targets for you. When you’re worrying about what it is that they’re thinking of you, you’ve got an easy tapping target.
“Even though they’re laughing at me and they’re thinking that I’m a weirdo, I accept myself and my feelings.”
You just tap from point to point, or you observe the feelings in your body as you’re doing the tapping. Bit by bit, you’re starting to reduce and release those triggers that can activate it in that particular social situation.
It might only take you one time to go to a particular cafe and tap for an hour. It may take you a few sessions and a few visits. Eventually, you’ll be in that cafe, and you can actually tap. You’re not worried about what people think of you at that moment.
It’s a great thing to do, especially when you’re dealing with Social Anxiety, because it brings up the problem.
It’s challenging, and it’s not for everyone. I’m just telling you that this is an option. Go and try it out. Play around with it.
If you’re not in a social situation right now, you may want to get some relief by doing some guided tapping. Check out one of these videos that I’ve got here. Just hit play, start tapping along, and get some relief.
Talk to you very soon. Ciao.
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!
SEND ME THE 7 SECRETS TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE!
The post Secret EFT Tapping Technique for Social Situations appeared first on Social Anxiety Solutions.
SUMMARYIn this video…Sebastiaan introduces the “What If… So What?” technique. This is extremely helpful when dealing with negative thoughts and anxiety.
This technique involves questioning the significance of potential negative outcomes and approaching them with a “so what?” attitude.
This technique:
– reduces the intensity of Social Anxiety
– make you suffer less
– has anxiety leave faster when it gets triggered
This technique will not solve your Social Anxiety. However, it will help you achieve acceptance. And acceptance is one of the 3 keys to Social Ease.
He explains the importance of acceptance and being okay with whatever might happen. You can achieve a state of freedom and stop being controlled by previously feared situations by gradually accepting and letting go of your fears.
Sebastiaan also elaborated on how his mentors and the study of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) greatly influenced his teachings on acceptance.
To learn more, check out our FREE Mini course:
“The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence”
FULL TRANSCRIPTIONAre you ever bothered by your thoughts?
What if this is going to go wrong?
What if I say this awkward thing and get embarrassed?
What if I run into this person that I kind of know but don’t really know?
How’s it going to go?
What if he is going to say this?
What if…
Blah blah blah this ‘what if’ thinking.
Well, I’m going to share a very simple technique with you in this video that’s going to give you a strategy to use when that is happening.
The technique is called the “What If… So What!” technique. Ever heard of it? Probably not, because I just made it up a bunch of days ago.
A bunch of days ago, I was in a Zoom group coaching session. I explained the particular outcome that you’re after when it comes to social ease. One of those parts is being okay with whatever happens, and saying yes to whatever might happen.
For example,
I might be rejected. Am I okay with that? If not, why not? Now, you’ve got tapping targets.
Are you okay with being rejected? No, that hurts me. That hurt happens on the inside of you.
It’s not a rejection. It’s actually the feelings that get triggered inside. You have control over what you do with these feelings, so you can address them. As you address that, eventually you will get to the point where you will say “I get rejected, so what?” or “I get criticized, so what?”.
That’s where you’ll end up, where you’re no longer hooked by the things you used to be afraid of. That is where you have freedom. That is the magic of combining the best of traditional psychology with energy psychology, of which I talk the most about tapping.
So, I taught that [What If… So What] technique, or it wasn’t really a technique. I just talked about the particular mindset or state of being that eventually leads to acceptance. The whole group coaching session was circled around acceptance – acceptance of anxiety, acceptance of yourself, acceptance of whatever might happen.
A couple of days later, in our WhatsApp group, which is part of our Social Confidence Club, I saw the following comment,
“Seb, who was it you were talking about that said ‘so what’ when it came to anxiety or possible outcomes? I’ve been using that in my head the last few days in social situations and it’s working for me. It helps too when thinking about work stuff that is stressing me out. I still want to succeed and get the job done, but I also think ‘so what’?”
A bunch of people like that, and I thought that it was something quite helpful that I could easily share with you.
The answer to his question comes from a mindset of acceptance. This acceptance mindset was first taught to me when I began learning about EFT.
Then, it really got hammered in by my coach, Julia. She is a very wise lady, whom I started working with 13-14 years ago. It got reinforced more and more by my mentors, Dr. David Lake and Steve Wells, who are psychologists and tapping experts.
They talk a lot about acceptance and self-acceptance in particular. That really influenced my thinking.
Steve Wells and David Lake had a mentor. His name is Frank Farrelly, and he’s the founder of Provocative Therapy.
NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and a lot of the core techniques were modeled after four of the top psychotherapists at the time:
- Virginia Satir
- Fritz Perls
- Milton Erickson
- Frank Farrelly
Frank Farrelly was their mentor. He created Provocative Therapy, which I studied a little bit under the guidance of Steve and David. They added an energy component to it and created PET (Provocative Energy Therapy), which I’ve used for a ton of workshops and supervision.
The fundamental attitude David discussed is, “So what? What’s the problem?” This is the perspective you adopt as a therapist, which is that everything is fine. That was essentially my explanation, and that’s where the “So What” comes from.
David also taught me about Nisargadatta. He’s a spiritual teacher. His idea of enlightenment is ‘when nothing is wrong anymore’.
When I had sessions with David, that was the ultimate outcome that you’re after, when nothing is wrong anymore.
So, when you’re thinking,
“What if I’m going to get rejected?”“What if that’s not wrong?” “What if that’s something that can happen?”“What if that’s okay?” “What if you’re just okay with that?”
“I might get rejected.” So what?
Of course, when it comes to rejection, you have no idea why that person is rejecting you. That person might be having a horrible day. It might be that time of the month (sorry, ladies). There may be something going on in this person’s life that you are unaware of. You may remind that person of someone who has nothing to do with you, and so on.
Basically, what you want to get to is “so what”. You can use that in your mind as a mantra.
When we were having a session, we were tapping. That lesson probably went much deeper than just using logic. However, even if you only use logic, it’s a great strategy to use when your thinking is bothering you.
What if this… so what?What if that… so what?
There you go. I hope that helped you. This is Sebastiaan from social-anxiety-solutions.com.
If you want to learn how to actually get to the ultimate outcome that I’ve been talking about, where you’re in a genuine feeling place, saying
“so what” to rejection
“so what” to embarrassing yourself
“so what” to whatever, anything and everything
being calm and at ease in social situations,
get my free mini course: “The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence”.
That’s the best. I’ve been teaching solutions to Social Anxiety since 2008. I’ve been making videos since 2009. I’ve been interviewing a whole bunch of people on my podcast, which now has 500 episodes plus (only 50 interviews, but that’s a different story).
Everything I’ve studied, including the 6000 hours of coaching I’ve done with socially anxious clients and overcoming my own Social Anxiety, I’ve condensed into seven concise secrets that you can learn quickly.
There’s guided tapping in there, and there are a couple of really short snippets of the most important parts of all the interviews that I’ve done. It is really the best of the best that you can get.
By the end of this mini course, it sets you up to understand,
“This is what I’m dealing with. This is why I’m dealing with it. This is how I can actually overcome it. I’m not a victim. I don’t have to be dealing with this for the rest of my life. There’s a reason why I’ve been dealing with this and other things that didn’t work. This actually can work for me.”
You’ll also be guided through some tapping, and you’ll notice some shifts and changes. You already have some evidence that things are changing. Very, very powerful.
You can get that by going to bit.ly/socialconfidencenow
Bye for now.
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!
SEND ME THE 7 SECRETS TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE!
The post The ‘What if… So What!’ Technique appeared first on Social Anxiety Solutions.
SUMMARYIn this video…Sebastiaan shares a viewer’s experience who had been managing his Social Anxiety. However, it got worse after he tried exposure therapy in a Toastmasters Club.
To overcome Social Anxiety, it is essential to let go of perfectionistic beliefs and unrealistic expectations. Stop beating yourself up after a poor social situation and instead take advantage of the opportunity to expand your comfort zone.
Sebastiaan emphasizes that overcoming Social Anxiety is a gradual process rather than a quick fix, but it is possible to overcome social anxiety with time and effort.
Learn how tapping can help you overcome your Social Anxiety.
Get our FREE Mini Course:
“The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence”
Click here to listen to one of the interviews with former Social Anxiety disorder sufferers mentioned by Sebastiaan in the podcast.
FULL TRANSCRIPTIONDo you also need a way out of Social Anxiety? This video is for you
I had a comment underneath one of my videos that goes as follows:
“I’ve been managing my Social Anxiety pretty well until four months ago, when I took up a role in a Toastmasters club that I joined sometime last year, just to minimize or eradicate my Social Anxiety.
Just for your information, a Toastmasters Club is a nonprofit public speaking organization for people who want to overcome their fears, become better speakers, or something of the like.
What you do is prepare speeches, and then you get feedback from people on how well you did. It’s a very pleasant environment, and all that kind of stuff.
They also have different kinds of roles, such as keeping the time, and they do table topics where you have to free flow for a minute at a time.
It’s pretty cool. I’ve done it myself way back in the beginning, before I found tapping. I recommend it. It’s a good way to test and see if you get triggered. If you get triggered, you have something to work on. Anyway, let’s continue.
“I volunteered to be the timer only for me to visibly be shaking in front of everyone when I was called to do my role. Since then, my Social Anxiety has worsened to the extent that I’m not always at ease, even talking to people that I’m familiar with. It’s frustrating, and it’s embarrassing. Listening to your conversation with the AI machine has now made me understand that the exposure therapy can be too scary and make the situation worse. Now I am stuck and I don’t know what to do. I need a way out.”
So basically, what he’s saying here is,
I was doing all right until I started facing my fears. As I faced my fears, I began to shake, and that was seen by others. I started worrying about that. Now, my Social Anxiety is even worse than it was. I thought that facing my fears was the answer. But if it isn’t, what is the way out now?
Well, the way out is to get rid of your perfectionistic beliefs about how you should or shouldn’t be in a social situation. When we go into a social situation, we have these unrealistically high expectations of what’s expected of us. That needs to be changed.
You probably are dealing with some kind of negative identity belief, such as
“I’m not good enough” “There’s something wrong with me” “I’m not okay the way I am” “I’m bad”“I’m guilty”“I’m flawed”
Or whatever.
You need to accept Social Anxiety as it is and trust that you can handle it whenever it comes up without judging yourself. You need to get rid of your attachment to the outcome of particular social situations.
Further, you need to get rid of this idea that your social skills are inferior, not good enough, that you’re not socially savvy, that you can’t do small talk, or any of that stuff. It’s actually the anxiety that’s causing that.
You need to get rid of your negative expectations regarding upcoming social events. This includes thinking about all of these worst case scenarios that might happen or thinking you cannot handle the situation.
You need to get rid of the idea that when you are in a crappy or poor social situation, huge disasters are going to come as a result. That you will lose your reputation and that no one will like or respect you. That it’s all doom and gloom after an embarrassing situation.
Further, you need to stop beating yourself up after social situations because that is preparing you for the next sort of situation. So when you beat yourself up, you’re lowering your self esteem. Now, with that lower self esteem, you go into the next situation.
You need to use the things that you’re avoiding as opportunities to heal and expand your comfort zone. So that’s the way out.
I’m explaining everything to you quickly in order to help you understand it. There’s a lot of information there that might help you realize that, “Okay, this is not a quick fix. I’m not going to be over this just by snapping my fingers. I’m not going to be over this by consuming more information. I actually need to do something about it”.
The person in question, who wrote this, has actually taken action and is doing something about it. It’s just that the strategy that he was using (forcefully facing his fears) wasn’t very effective. So, he’s looking for a different kind of strategy.
I’m imagining that I’m talking to you right now. What I would recommend is that you:
– learn about tapping
– learn about the psychology of the socially confident
– learn about the psychology of change
– learn how to use tapping to overcome Social Anxiety
Once you learn it, you actually start taking action. You start using these tapping skills to address the problems that I mentioned before.
The problems that I mentioned before are predominantly:
– Beliefs
– Patterns
– Negative Emotions
– Traumatic Experiences
– Negative Fantasies
Tapping is super powerful for those. But I cannot say, in 30 seconds or even five minutes, “Well, do this, this, this, and this and this. And now you’ve learned tapping, and now you know how to address it.”
It takes time to learn and understand this. If you want to overcome this problem, you actually can. It’s just a matter of how much time you’re willing to commit to learning this. And as soon as you learn the tapping, which is very quick, you can start using it to get relief. Your problem will begin to shrink with it.
You can start shrinking the problem within a day. You can have reduced Social Anxiety within a month of applying this.
By using tapping correctly over time, you can actually get to a point where there is none of it left, where you’re just at ease, comfortable, and chill with yourself.
This is not an outside-in approach in which you say, “Oh, I’m going to do this thing to gain confidence.” This is removing the obstacles inside, getting rid of the conditioning to make you feel safe, and just being yourself.
Social Ease is just your natural state. The programming on top of it is what makes you feel like it’s unsafe to be who you are, which in turn leads to Social Anxiety. You can release that by tapping.
I have a free 7 Secrets to Social Confidence course, where I take the best of the best that I’ve learned in 13 years as an actual coach. I’ve coached close to 6,000 hours, including about 500 hours of group coaching. I’ve put all of that in that 7 Day course.
You’ll learn a lot about:
– The psychology of the socially confident.
– Why are you dealing with this issue?
– Why a lot of other approaches haven’t worked?
– What will work?
You’ll get some of my best podcasts, and there are over 500 of them. You have guided tapping experiences, and you learn to understand the biggest obstacle to change. It’s just really, really powerful.
After seven days, you realize, “Okay, this is why I’ve been dealing with this problem. This is why I can’t seem to overcome my Social Anxiety. Now that I know what to do to get rid of it, I am hopeful that I will be able to liberate myself. I’ve already experienced some shifts and changes with this tapping. This is amazing.”
If this sounds like something that you’re interested in, you can go to https://bit.ly/socialconfidencenow
I hope this helps you. This is Seb from social-anxiety-solutions.com
Check out one of these video testimonials of former clients who overcame their Social Anxiety using this approach. It’s very inspiring to hear this because they shared:
– how it was for them
– what they tried
– how they couldn’t overcome it
– what they did
– the obstacles that they encountered along the way
– how good it is now
– how much they value where they’re at
– how grateful they are for their changes and transformation
Go check it out. It’s really inspiring. Go here now. Bye!
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!
SEND ME THE 7 SECRETS TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE!
The post I need a way out of Social Anxiety appeared first on Social Anxiety Solutions.
SUMMARYIn this video…Sebastiaan shares three tips for dealing with silence in a conversation.
He begins by telling a personal story from two decades ago about approaching a girl on the bus. He shares how he struggled with the awkward silence in this social situation. He describes how this made him cringe, self-conscious, and feel hugely pressured to fill in the silence.
He explains the 7 common reasons why we struggle with silence in a conversation:
- Worrying
- Fear of awkwardness
- Pressure to fill in the silence
- Self-consciousness
- Misinterpreting
- Fear of negative judgment
- Insecurity of your social skills
He then teaches three quick fixes for dealing with and being at ease with silence.
While these tips can be helpful when you’re already in a social situation, he highlighted that these are just surface-level tips.
He clarifies that it is our belief system that causes discomfort during silence, which can be effectively addressed through tapping.
If you want to learn more about how to be comfortable in social situations, get our FREE Mini Course:
“The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence”
Click here to listen to one of the interviews with former Social Anxiety disorder sufferers mentioned by Sebastiaan in the podcast.
FULL TRANSCRIPTIONThree tips for dealing with silence in a conversation
Quick story.
Long, long time ago, maybe two decades ago, I used to see this girl every time I took the bus to work. She’s so cute, and I want to say something to her. I don’t know if I should do it, but eventually I mustered up the courage to do it.
So she sits at the bus stop. We made eye contact, and I sat next to her and said, “Good morning”, and she was like, “Oh, good morning.
Then there was silence.
I sat next to her. I cringed and felt awkward. I was berating myself in my head for not saying anything, for how long it had been since I had opened up by saying good morning, and for what you must be thinking about me at that moment.
And I started worrying about all sorts of things, and blah, blah, blah.
This is just one example. That happened a lot more often when there was silence in the conversation. I would start to feel awkward and cringy. I felt the need to fill up the silence and ask a question or say something.
The longer there was silence, the more pressure would build up, and I would feel this awkwardness.
There are actually a couple of common problems that arise when there is silence in a conversation. We’re going to go over these in rapid fire.
1. Worrying
You might worry that you’ve done something wrong, said something offensive, or been uninteresting. This can cause you to have a really difficult time with silence.
2. Fear of Awkwardness
During silence, you might feel like there’s some discomfort or disconnection. This then triggers that fear of awkwardness, making it very difficult to deal with the silence.
3. Pressure to Feel the Silence
This is the kind of example I gave. I felt huge pressure to fill in the silence by asking a question, saying something interesting, or coming up with stuff. When that happens, it makes things difficult
4. Self-consciousness
When you’re already dealing with self-consciousness, silence will only highlight it. You’re like, “Oh, it’s silent. Everyone’s observing me now, and I haven’t said anything for like seven seconds.”
5. Misinterpreting
You might misinterpret that a person’s silence means they are not interested in you, that they disapprove of you, or that they reject you.
6. Fear of Negative Judgment
What might make the silence unbearable is thinking in your mind that the other person is busy forming a negative opinion of you.
7. Insecurity about your Social Skills
The silence might have you worried that you don’t have the right social skills, that you didn’t ask the right question, that you were weird, awkward, uncomfortable, and so on.
Now, what you want to do to be comfortable with silence is something that cannot be solved with tricks. I’ll give you a quick mindset and two strategies, but what you really want to do is look at the underlying causes of why you’re dealing with this.
I’ll get to that in a second, but first, here are three quick fixes:
1. Accept the silence.
The reality is that silence is part of conversation. It’s normal. Sometimes there simply isn’t anything going on. You run out of things to say; it happens for me, it happens for other people, and it happens in conversation. It’s normal, so don’t freak out about it. Allow it to be accepted.
A couple of months ago, at the dance, I particularly remember having a conversation with this girl. We’re standing alongside each other, and we’re briefly chatting; it’s kind of superficial.
I asked her a question, and she asked me a question. Then there was just a bunch of silence for a while. Of course, there was music playing in the background, but I decided not to fill it in. I was curious to see what was going to happen.
And guess what?
15-20 seconds later, she turns to me and asks me a question. That’s typically how it gets resolved. It’s not 100% your responsibility to fill in the silence. It’s 50-50.
2. Ask an open ended question.
Just like the girl did, she asked me an open ended question. So an open-ended question is one to which you can’t answer yes or no.
“Are you from here?” Yes. Okay, that ends it.
“Where are you from?” is more open ended. The person might still say, “I’m from here.”
“What do you like to do for fun?” is an open question.
“Do you find this fun?” That’s a closed question.
3. Share something.
You can share something personal or anything else. Anything about the environment that you’re noticing or anything that happened earlier that day, people don’t care. If you open your mind and just start talking, everything’s fine.
All of these three tips are just surface level tips. The problem is actually deeper. There is a belief system that is causing you to not be okay with silence. There are emotions and self consciousness that get triggered inside of you when those moments are there.
There’s the worry of being judged. That stuff is not resolved with techniques, that stuff is resolved by doing inner work, facing your demons, and processing your stuck emotions.
That can be quite easily and effectively done by tapping.
If you want to learn how to do that — how to actually become comfortable in social situations, not just in silence — you can get my FREE Mini course:
The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence
If you have any questions, put them in the chat.
If you want to be inspired, check out one of these interviews here with former Social Anxiety disorder sufferers. They used to have big trouble with silence in conversation and lots of other issues socially, but now they’re calm, confident, and at ease.
Go check them out. They’re super inspiring.
Hope this helps you. Talk to you very soon. Bye for now.
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!
SEND ME THE 7 SECRETS TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE!
The post Afraid of silence in Social Situations? appeared first on Social Anxiety Solutions.
SUMMARYIn this video…Sebastiaan shares a guided visualization to help individuals overcome Social Anxiety.
He guides viewers to focus on their five senses and breathing while imagining scenarios where they no longer have Social Anxiety.
These scenarios involve imagining that you are at ease, happy, and proud of yourself, and that you have no need for approval or acceptance from others.
The visualization ends with individuals feel more relaxed, calm, confident and happy with who they are.
Get our FREE Mini Course: “The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence”
FULL TRANSCRIPTIONHere’s a little, simple guided visualization to imagine yourself socially at ease.
So, begin by calming yourself down and bringing yourself into the present moment.
How do you do that? Well, there are many ways, but one way to do it is to center yourself in the present by tuning into your five senses.
You can taste what you’ve got in your mouth—the taste of it.
You can smell what’s going on around you, though I don’t smell much. But more commonly, you can listen to the sounds around you.
Maybe this is the noise of people far away or the sound of your aircon, if you’re in Asia or in hot countries. Or maybe the sound of the central heating, if you’re in Europe.
Maybe the sound of my voice
You can tune in to your feelings by noticing what it is that you’re sitting on, assuming you’re sitting or lying on it. What does that feel like on your skin?
Just notice that…
You can pay attention to what you’re seeing in your surroundings. Or if you’ve got your eyes closed, you can notice the colors behind your eyes.
Then, pay attention to your breathing and begin to slow it down so that you are breathing in and out through your mouth. Just go twice as slow out as you go in. So breathe in through the nose, into the belly, and out through the mouth twice as slowly as you breathe in.
Do it again.
Place one hand on your heart and the other on top of that. You might feel the warmth of your hand on your heart and close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing so.
Imagine that a while from now, you wake up and your Social Anxiety problem is gone. It’s not there anymore. It’s no longer with you.
You feel lighter.
You feel more at ease.
You feel happy.
You feel good about yourself.
Look in the mirror, and you’re happy with who you see.
You’re proud of yourself.
You’re pleased with who you are.
You’re like yourself.
You respect yourself.
You trust yourself.
You feel good about being you.
And as you’re thinking about what’s coming up this day, interacting with people, your work, and who you might run into, you actually look fondly towards it.
Then you go about your day. And when you run into people, you feel comfortable and at ease. It’s just a normal conversation. You’re not trying to get anything; you’re not trying to get approval, acceptance, or recognition, or have people be impressed with you, or any of that; it’s all gone.
You just find yourself feeling surprisingly relaxed and at ease. You’re chill, you’re curious about the other person, you’re open to wherever the conversation might go, and you’re not attached to any particular outcome.
When there’s a silence in the conversation, you just let it be.
When there’s an awkward moment, you just take a breath and move on.
Maybe that other person asks a question of you, or you ask a person a question, or you make a comment, or whatever.
So, you’re okay with whatever; you’re fine.
You go about your day, and you meet up with other people. You find yourself feeling good. You like being around people. Connecting is effortless. It just happens. You feel safe being yourself.
You’re enjoying making eye contact. You’re not thinking about,
“Oh, how long should I make contact?”“When do I break it?”“Have I been staring too long?”“Am I staring?”“What are they thinking?”
None of that is there; you’re just connecting with another person. You’re making eye contact, looking away at times, and making eye contact at other times. It’s all good; you’re not worried about it.
You’re okay with yourself, and you expect others to be okay with you too. When it seems like, and maybe it is, that someone is not in a great mood, you don’t take it personally. You’re like, “Ah! That person must not be having the greatest day. I wonder what’s going on.”
Because you know that you’re a likable person. You know that you are worthy and deserving. You anticipate being perceived in that way and being respected. We’re not attached to it. So it’s okay if it happens; it’s also okay if it doesn’t happen. It’s not the end of the world. It’s not a big deal. So, you’re just pretty chill.
You’re just pretty relaxed about things. You don’t take things so seriously, and you don’t take yourself so seriously. You’re not worried anymore about what people think of you. You’re okay with whatever they think of you. You realize that you have no control over it. You realize that at some point, you decided to just give people permission to think whatever they want.
You feel really free and liberated.
You go about your day, and everything is just easier. You’re calmer about things; you’re not worried. You’re just having a good time.
You notice that certain people really like you, and it feels really nice.
You notice that other people are kind of lukewarm toward you. You’re okay with it. You don’t feel particularly excited about them either. You’re okay with them, but you don’t exactly really love them. So, it’s okay that they feel that way towards you too.
And every now and then, there’s this grumpy person who, for whatever reason, doesn’t seem to like you. You recognize,
“It’s okay, that person has a problem with me for whatever reason. I don’t even need to know the reason.” or “It’s okay, I don’t need to take this personally; just let this go and let’s move on with things.”
Yes, this is now your experience when you’re around people.
When you feel like socializing, you socialize.
When you feel like being quiet for a while, you’re quiet for a while. You’re okay with it.
When things come to mind, you say them because you feel you can handle whatever comes your way.
It’s all good. It’s all fine. No worries, no problems.
Yes, you have far more interesting conversations. You’re joking around. It’s playful. It’s easy. It’s fun.
Now, this is your experience.
You go to bed, and the next day, same thing.
Whoa! Great.
You go to bed, and the next day, same thing.
And you go to bed, and the next day, same thing.
A couple of weeks go by, and while it’s beginning to feel really exciting, it’s starting to feel more normal.
You start to get used to it. You begin to think like, “Hmm, this whole Social Anxiety thing that I thought was there forever, that was who I was, and that doesn’t seem to be that way at all. It’s something I was dealing with. I’m so happy. I’m no longer dealing with that. It’s great. And now there’s my other life. What do I want now with my life?”
You start to think,
“What do I want to do in terms of my career?”“What do I want to do in terms of my romantic life?”“What do I want to do in terms of my friendships and my hobbies?”“What do I want to do?”
You feel more open and explorative. Because of the transformation that you’ve made, you know that challenges can be overcome. They are there to help you grow and to help you evolve to the next level.
And so, with that particular attitude, you take on other challenges in your life, and you feel more unlimited.
“I can do things” – you feel empowered.
Now, you go to bed, and weeks go by and months go by, and eventually, Social Ease is just the way it is for you. It’s just normal. It’s natural. That’s how it is. And now, you’re on your way to creating the life you want for yourself.
That’s right.
Good. Take a deep breath and relax.
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!
SEND ME THE 7 SECRETS TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE!
The post Imagine YOU Socially at ease! appeared first on Social Anxiety Solutions.
SUMMARYIn this video…
Sebastiaan explains how Social Ease differs from Social Confidence, which is a performance-based approach to socializing. Instead, Social Ease is about self-acceptance, being comfortable with who you are, and feeling safe to be yourself.
To achieve Social Ease, it is necessary to eliminate limiting beliefs, emotional cycles, and negative fantasies that prevent you from feeling at ease in social situations. This can be accomplished by tapping into and shifting beliefs about social interactions.
Sebastiaan offers a FREE Mini Course titled “The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence”
FULL TRANSCRIPTIONYou don’t create social confidence, you unlock effortless social ease.
Hey, it’s Sebastiaan from socialanxietysolutions.com, I specialize in combining the best of traditional psychology and self-help personal development, with energy psychology, in particular – tapping.
With that, I’ve discovered that it’s not so much about creating a state of Social Confidence, which is kind of like the mainstream thoughts like,
Hey! Look, you got to enhance your social skills and practice them
Go face your fears
Learn that you can handle those situations and have the social skills ready
Practice them ahead of time so you can be proud of yourself and pat yourself on the back after you’ve had a successful social interaction.
You can gather more social interaction that were pleasant and positive, and they have a whole storehouse of them.
You can do socializing well, then you’re good at the performance of socializing.
You can become really good at that and you become socially confident.
Well, maybe for some people that works to some degree. However, it’s still a performance. It’s something that you do, something that you’re good at. In my experience, that’s not what you’re looking for.
What you’re actually looking for is ease, comfort, being chill, just showing up as you feeling safe to be yourself. True Social Ease is not something of confidence.
When I’m talking to someone, I don’t feel confident per se. I can feel slightly insecure, or not having a great day, and I can still feel at ease with myself and with the emotions that I’m experiencing because I’m okay with myself.
Social Ease is more about self-acceptance than it is about self-confidence. Confidence comes from having a particular skill, being able to do something, trusting that you can do it well and handle it well.
It’s a part of Social Ease, but it’s a much smaller part. It is not about becoming confident. It is about stripping away the bullshit, all the programming, the stuck emotional cycles, the limiting beliefs that are in the way of you feeling safe being yourself socially. So, it is not about creating social confidence. Rather, it is about unlocking social ease.
As you use the tapping to get rid of traumatic experiences, as you shift and change beliefs around, whether you do that through the tapping by neutralizing the emotions connected to belief, or by challenging particular beliefs that aren’t helpful, this is less likely the case more often, it is actually the shifting of the emotions connected to a particular belief.
But, as you start doing that, and as you use the tapping to get rid of these negative fantasies, these social fears that you’ve created, you actually start to become more okay with yourself.
You become more at ease being you. You’re no longer worrying about the perception of other people. You stop worrying about what other people think of me, because you’re okay with you. You know that you cannot control that, so you let go of that which you do not control, you let go of the outcome of social situations.
And instead, you’re accepting yourself, you’re accepting whatever happens. And now you’re in a social interaction, you’re coming at it from an open place. You’re open to anything, attached to nothing. Just curious. You’re in the present moment. You’re not doing anything.
This is not a performance. You’re not a social actor. No, you’re just a human being and you’re showing up and you are being yourself.
You’re okay with you, you like yourself, you respect yourself, you trust yourself, you are accepting of who it is that you are and you anticipate, you expect that others are going to treat you in a like manner. If they don’t, you are okay with that.
You can handle that because their opinion of you has very little value compare to how much value you give to your own opinion of yourself. You let go of what you can control, you focus on what you can control. It’s effortless.
This is what you’re trying to get to. That is actually your natural state, which you can get to, by undoing the programming, the conditioning, the painful experiences and the beliefs and fears that you learn from that; and that can be done with tapping, the right mindset and psychology.
Now, if you want to learn how to do that, I’ve got a free course called The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence, which you can get by going to bit.ly/socialconfidencenow.
If this sounds hard to believe that you can get to that place, I suggest checking out one of these video testimonials of former clients who suffered from social anxiety for the longest time, couldn’t overcome it, and actually overcame it.
They’re talking about their experience, how it was, what they did, how long it took, what worked, what didn’t work, and how they actually got to the place of ease and confidence and feeling safe to be themselves. Very, very inspiring.
Go check it out here. Bye for now.
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!
SEND ME THE 7 SECRETS TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE!
The post Stop Chasing Social Confidence & Unlock Social Ease appeared first on Social Anxiety Solutions.
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Using Microsoft Power Point to change the default size of the display in your home screen: On the Home screen, click the”olutions” icon. In Microsoft PowerPoint, below the category named”Pages,” click “Shape.” Then, under”Shapes,” click”adder,” and then click”end.” When the user defined custom paper size appears, click”Defaults.”
How to specify custom-size paper info from Excel 2021? To go to the File menu and then choose”Excel”. Secondly, click in the little”guide” box near the top of the screen and enter a name for the custom-size paper info. Third, click on the”Data Sources” icon. This will show a listing of your current document information in addition to other document information stored in the data sources.
The last step is to double-click on the”llo” icon on the ribbon. This will start the”llo” page. Beneath”llo:” you will find an arrow pointing towards the right (for latest changes), along with an arrow pointing left (for past changes). Click on the arrow near the right of this date and version number (for newest changes) or next to the remaining version number and the date (for preceding changes) and you’ll be taken to the proper page at the user defined paper specification manual.
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Academic writing isn’t just using the English language in writing essays, but it’s also concerning the interpretation of academic materials. An essay author has to be proficient in proofreading because this skill helps avoid plagiarism charges. It’s a good idea to check for plagiarism before submitting your papers, particularly if you’re handing them out as free stuff or making them available to others for their testimonials. The author must be able to browse the work assigned to him or her and ensure that the information provided is accurate. As academic writing is a bit complicated, it is vital that you don’t commit mistakes because this will reduce your odds of getting hired for academic tasks or academic writing jobs.
Some writers may prefer to focus on proofreading as this is how they become proficient at writing technical documents like dissertations, thesis statements, and dissertations. Should you compose technical essays, it is important that you are well-read in the area so that you will know what to look for when you spot errors. It’s plagiarism sentence checker also a fantastic idea to research academic journals since these contain important insights on unique fields. Academic writing usually requires writing extensively about a single subject so it is important that you know your primary topic well enough to be able to write about it using precision. Essay writers have to be open-minded in their outlook and must explore every possible thought or topic to produce quality academic documents.
As an essay writer, you must always be aware of fashion conventions. These conferences help you present a well-written paper. The most common style conventions are the APA, MLA, Chicago, Harvard, and Chicago. Every faculty has its own style of documentation, meaning that it requires unique methods of presentation. Essay authors must learn the conventions of different universities so they will be aware of what they need to do in order to present their papers in the finest possible way.
Most pupils have the notion that quality academic papers are written by someone who is knowledgeable in that area. But, that is not necessarily the situation. Some pupils lack sufficient understanding about the topic they are writing on. For this reason, hiring a professional writing service can be very valuable. You can take a wide range of subjects to write about when you employ a research essay author.
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