Hope, Help, Happiness: Recent Episodes
Daniel G Layman
Welcome to the Hope, Help, Happiness Podcast. It documents my journey from the dark consequences of depression and the brink of taking my own life to... well I don't know yet. I am just starting that journey. I hope this podcast will help me keep track of my progress & perhaps give me accountability for my recovery. It might also help others similarly suffering. But if I let the dark thoughts win, then it'll help explain to my friends & family why. I've not shared my suffering with them because of the stigma I have about dealing with mental illness, so I publish this anonymously.
My recent run of days feeling very low continues. In this episode I share three of the things I try and do to hide it from the rest of the world.
In today's episode I share my concerns about how being engulfed by my low mood paralyses me. I don't seem to be able to shake it which is worrying.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
I've had quite a bad week. I've hit consistent lows to an extent that I've not experienced for many months now. The reason for this has its roots in my limited emotional skills coupled with my underlying challenges that appear to stay firmly buried inside my head. In today's episode I reflect on what I think I need to do to move forward.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my weekly summary of the happenings of this podcast I share my insights and lessons learned. These include:
- I still have underlying challenges that remain unresolved that help trigger a downward spiral in my mood.
- Anxiety about the challenges I face has started to rear its ugly head and have an impact on how I feel.
- I appear to be a text book example of a CBT case study.
- I'm reminded that there is no "Rescue Party" coming to save me from myself .
- I have to take control of my healing.
- When I am really low, I just want to shut out the rest of the world.
- It feels like I have to justify the intensity of my feelings when I am low by hanging onto them for as long as possible.
- My default behaviour when I am faced with emotional challenges is to bury my head in the sand.
- I am struggling to see the point of carrying on when I can't see a way forward.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In today's episode I share how I am feeling after a few really bad days.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
This title of this episode is pretty much the transcription of what is said in today's podcast. There are those days when everything just seems to get on top of you and it gets you down to the point where you just don't feel you can share anything. Today is one of those days!
The show notes for today's episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
My recent "relapse" has reminded me that there is still a lot of work to do to improve my mental well being. I have started CBT with the NHS but my next appointment isn't for another 4 weeks.
However I have come to the conclusion (again) that I have to take control of my recovery. As a result of that decision, there are a number of questions I have. In this episode I explore those questions and identify what I have to start doing.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Yesterday I hit a low mood. Well today it continued. In this episode I explain how that manifested and then how it panned out for the rest of the evening. Its impact carried over into today and then even got worse. I share my worries about this in the context of the treatment I am going to get from the NHS.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this episode I share my thoughts on feeling overwhelmed and a little anxious about everything I need to do. When you breakdown what I am experiencing, I am text book case study for CBT
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my weekly reflection and review of what has happened in the past 7 days I share my insights and lessons learned. These include:
- Becoming more aware of how my story of the past is still influencing me.
- That I need to let go of my old story.
- Getting a little clearer on what attributes and skills I need in the future to help me live a more emotionally balanced life.
- A reminder that life can only be lived in the moment.
- That I am still concerned the long awaited treatment from an NHS therapist will be cut short before doing the deep work necessary.
- My experience of my first CBT session with the NHS therapist.
- How I still have the habit (or addiction?) of hanging on to my low feelings when I experience a severe dip in my mood caused by one of life's challenges.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today I am feeling low, but for some reason I want to hang on to those feelings. In this episode I share how I am feeling.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Last week the NHS got in touch and told me I had come to the top of the waiting list. My first session with the NHS therapist was last week but that was more of an assessment/introduction session than a therapy session. So today I had my first actual therapy session. In this episode I briefly explain what CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is and then share my experiences of today's session.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Tomorrow I have my first "proper" appointment with my NHS therapist. After receiving the follow up letter to last week's initial appointment I had concerns after it raised a number of alarm bells. In anticipation of tomorrow's episode I share my continuing concern that the NHS will not support me and help me address the underlying causes of my recent depressive episode.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In today's short episode, I reflect on my intentions to live in the present today on what is a beautiful day where I live. I share my thoughts on being mindful on a day like today and how that can benefit the quality of my life. I also challenge you to do a very simple mindfulness exercise you can do wherever you are, whatever the weather.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In yesterday's episode I mulled over the need to let go of my old story and start living my life today. In effect I need to develop a new story. The trouble is, I don't know what that story is.
So having thought about it overnight, I put together a list of attributes and skills that I think I'll probably need. In this episode I that list and explain why I think I need them.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
I keep getting the same message from a variety of different sources and experiences. I am a bit slow picking up on these hints thrown at me by the universe but now I am starting to listen. One of those repeated messages is the need to let go of my own story of the past.
In this episode I share some of those "universe nudges" and share my thoughts on the impact my story has had on me and what I perhaps need to do to change the story.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my weekly summary of what has been happening on the podcast this week I share the key insights and lessons I have gleaned from the last 7 days. These include:
- A new online counselling resource recommended by Tom Bilyeu at Impact Theory.
- How just talking about how I am feeling (with my girlfriend) helped me avoid dropping into another low.
- Why I have chosen to end the counselling sessions I've been having.
- What happened at my first appointment with the NHS.
- My introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
- Why I am concerned that the NHS treatment isn't going to be enough.
- A realisation that changes everything about how I probably need to move forward.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Having had my first appointment with an NHS therapist this week, I received a letter seeking to confirm what we had discussed. This is the fourth contact I have had with the NHS in a matter of weeks.
In this episode I dissect today's letter and share my thoughts on what it contains. Unfortunately, there are a few alarm bells going off that are cause for concern. I might just be naturally negative, given my experience, or perhaps I am predicting the future.
Episode show notes can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In today's episode I share my initial thoughts about the book Get Out Of Your Mind & Into Your Life. It was recommended to me by my NHS therapist at my first appointment yesterday. Already just the introduction is making me curious about ACT.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In yesterday's episode I announced the end of my counselling and the long anticipated arrival of my NHS Treatment. In today's episode I share the background to my wait, how my first session went this morning and how I feel about the future.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today was my last day of counselling. In this episode I share the impact the sessions have had and I explain why I am stopping them.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Yesterday I found myself on the verge of dipping into another low. In this episode I share why I think that was and how I started to deal with it. Fortunately the decline was intercepted and I managed to avoid sinking down. I explain how.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my regular weekly summary of the things that have been happening in the last 7 days on the podcast I share the lessons and insights worthy of note. These include:
- The value of being able to talk to someone, even if it is just to vent how you are feeling.
- Why "Are You OK?" is definitely the wrong question to ask someone.
- What an alternative and more helpful question to ask might be.
- The psychology behind quieting your emotional brain when it has hijacked how you are feeling.
- An update on how the NHS continue to provide an impersonal and indifferent service to the needs of patients.
- How there are still other things that need to be "fixed" now I am well on the way to recovery.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Compared to where I was just 6 months ago, I am in a good state right now. I seem to have arrested the low mood and suicidal thoughts (without the use of antidepressants or any active therapy). With the work I have done on myself that I've documented over the course of this podcast so far, I even feel better equipped to deal with the challenges life will inevitably throw at me. But despite all of that, there are still some things that need "fixing". In this episode I share what they are and what I intend to do about them.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today I received another letter from the NHS giving me an update on my impending treatment. Well, when I say another letter, I mean it is exactly the same as the one I received last month, just with a different date on it. In this episode I share my thoughts on feeling like a number in an impersonal administration system where no one appears to be taking any accountability.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In the last couple of episodes, I have shared a couple of ways that we can break ourselves out of a low mood. But what happens if we hang on to that mood, even though we know there are things we could at least try to help shift it. In this episode I share my thoughts and experiences of that issue.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In yesterday's episode I shared that asking "How are you feeling?" is a much better question to ask than "Are you ok?". I mentioned that talking about the emotion you are experiencing and describing what it is was actually healthy for you. In this episode I share the brain research I discovered that supports that claim.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today I watched a moving video on the BBC website about a lady who successfully petitioned the local council to make changes to a bridge that had been the scene of a number of suicides. Towards the end of the video she talked about understanding how people who consider taking their own lives feel. She has experienced those feelings and had benefited from being asked "Are you ok?"
In this episode I want to share with you an alternative perspective on why that is absolutely the WRONG question to ask someone who might be depressed. If there is someone in your life who you are concerned about, you need to listen to this. I also share a much better question to ask.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
It's been a week now since I shared my struggles with my new girlfriend. Doing that was a groundbreaking milestone in facing my challenges. Since then I have had a few other conversations with her and in this episode I share my thoughts and feelings about what has happened since sharing. I still don't anticipate sharing with anyone else, but for now I explain why it has been good for me to share with my girlfriend.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my weekly summary of the events of this week on the podcast I share the lessons learnt from each of the episodes. Perhaps the biggest lesson has been that it was ok to share my struggles with someone I've become very close to very quickly.
Yesterday I stumbled across some depression resources on the World Health Organisation's Website. Amongst them were a series of videos that covered a number of depression related topics. One of them stood out for me. It was about a guy called Angelo's experience of suffering and then recovering from depression. In this episode I share my thoughts on this video.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Whilst researching more about those affected by depression, I stumbled upon the World Health Organisation website. It has resources about depression that look extremely useful. I share my first impressions and tell you where you can find them for yourself.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
My challenge at the moment is that I feel ok. That might sound like a good thing however to think so would be to be lulled into a false sense of security. I have covered a lot of ground over the last (nearly) 4 months since I started the podcast. I have tried many things, some of which have worked quite well. I have also explored a lot of ideas and theories. But despite all of that I am still confused about what I need to do next. In this episode I explore my thoughts around this and share with you what I am going to do next - a strategy that took me a little by surprise because I didn't see it coming - at least not that quickly.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
At the weekend I learnt from Dr Andy Cope that we feel our thinking. It is an interesting idea gleaned from the UK's only Doctor of Happiness at a festival of happiness held a few days ago. On the way to the festival, I had an experience where I fully experienced what it was like to feel my thinking. In this episode I share the story of how I managed to recognise a powerfully destructive emotion yet still make an informed choice on how to act in spite of feeling the way I felt. I'm not quite the Dalai Lama yet, but maybe being able to do what I did is another step forward on my healing journey.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Yesterday I finally shared my struggles with depression and the close brush I had with the desire to take my own life with someone I have become extremely close to extremely quickly. I'd like to say it was because I did the right thing and took the plunge of my own accord. However it was because she had the courage to do the right thing and was strong enough to be vulnerable with me about challenges in her life. She inspired me do the same and so I shared everything I have experienced. 36 hours later, I share how I am feeling now about doing that.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
After putting it off a number times in the last couple of weeks, I finally took the plunge and shared the challenges I have faced with someone I have grown extremely close to over the last couple of weeks. In this episode I share the reasons behind my reluctance, tell the story of how my "confession" came about and describe how I am feeling now that the cat is out of the bag.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this weekly summary of the activity on the podcast over the last 7 days I share the highs, the lows and the lessons learnt. These include:
- The ongoing control the stigma of mental illness has over me.
- 4 different ways to increase the levels of serotonin in the brain (and do the job of antidepressants?).
- Diet can be used to increase serotonin in the brain - or can it?
- The re-realisation that I am not really addressing what needs to be addressed to create mental well being.
- Some insights on happiness from the UK's only Doctor of Happiness
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today I have been attending a conference on happiness. There were some great speakers and in this episode I share the thoughts I had gathered "live" during the day.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Recently I have spent a lot of time looking at what goes on in the brain when someone is depressed. I have spent time researching the role of antidepressants and have sought out alternative natural ways of achieving the same result. However, I have come to realise that this activity has distracted me from what I really need to be addressing. I have begun to see the start of another low mood begin to swirl around in the background in the last couple of days. In this episode I share my thoughts on all of that.
The Show Notes For This Episode Can Be Found At https://hopehelphappiness.com/
After days mulling over whether I should share my challenges with someone who has become close to me, I finally summoned up the courage to invite them over so I could tell them. But.... I bottled it and didn't. In this episode I share what happened and my feelings about it.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today I have explored how to increase serotonin levels in the brain by what I eat. My research unearthed a mixed bag of heavy duty scientific research and click bait articles. I managed to piece together a basic understanding which I share with you in this episode.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
After exploring the power of cold showers on treating depression and looking at St John's Wort, I felt it was time to explore other ways of increasing the right neurotransmitters in the brain naturally. I found a gem of an article that explained some of the research behind non-pharmacological ways of increasing serotonin in the brain. In this episode I share what I have found.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In a previous episode I contemplated the challenges of dealing with depression and getting involved in an intimate relationship. The episode talked about the possibilities of meeting someone and the dilemma I might face about whether I get involved (out of a sense of responsibility) or if I did, whether I tell them (for fear of rejection). I raised that topic at that time because I had actually met someone after 18 months of being single and had been on a couple of dates over a week. Well it has got more serious now and so it has raised a dilemma that I am calling the conflict of connection. I discuss this in this episode and share my feelings about being open and honest with what I have been through.
In my weekly review of what has been happening on the podcast in the last 7 years, I share the lessons and insights I've gleaned. These include:
- How it feels after publishing 100 episodes of the Hope, Help, Happiness Podcast.
- Why a medically trained and experienced doctor recommended using cold water immersion to treat depression.
- The research behind the impact of cold water immersion on the brain.
- My recommendations on how to get started with cold showers (even if you HATE the cold!).
- A couple of David Goggin's quotes that have inspired me and got me thinking.
- Finding out the research behind the use of St John's Wort to treat depression.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my research to understand what antidepressants did in the brain so I could identify natural alternatives, I kept coming across references in St John's Wort. In this episode I share the results of my research into St John's Wort. I look at what it is, the research about its' effectiveness and the side effects people might encounter.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Yesterday I sat watching an interview with David Goggins done by Tom Bilyeu from Impact Theory. There were two quotes that jumped out at me from the screen, screamed around my kitchen and then slapped me in the face and said "Wake Up Numb Nuts!!!" In this episode I share what those quotes are and explain what they mean to me.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Over the last couple of episodes I have reported on the research I have done on the benefits of cold water immersion. The evidence is compelling and it seems cold showers stimulate the generation of same neurotransmitters in the brain that antidepressants do.
In this episode I share with you the step by step plan I followed to be able to to have a 2 minute cold shower every morning... Brrrrrrr.... but I do feel good because of it.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
After being inspired by the videos I found yesterday on the benefits of Cold Water Immersion I thought I would dig a little deeper to see if I could find out more of the science behind what is going on. In this episode I share my interpretation of the research I unearthed.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
During a recent chance conversation with a friend I heard about twin doctors who have been exploring non-drug alternatives to treating depression. I did a google search on them and discovered 3 short video clips from a BBC series called "The Doctor Who Gave Up Drugs". In this episode I share what I discovered from these three videos.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
I can't believe it has been 100 days since I started this podcast and 145 days since I sat opposite my GP explaining to them that I wanted to end my own life. A lot of ground has been covered since then and in this episode I do a quick summary of the journey I have taken so far and reflect on what the next steps might be.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my weekly summary of what has been happening on the podcast in the last 7 days, I share a summary of each episode together with the lessons learnt from my activities. These include:
- Pondering on whether to take ANY form of substance (natural or manufactured) to support my brain chemistry.
- How I am feeling right now and that things are not all that bad (this includes a great analogy for where I am right now that fits perfectly!).
- An update from the NHS on my ongoing status on the waiting list for treatment.
- My thoughts on the dilemma I feel I am facing about getting into an intimate relationship with someone whilst I am still recovering.
- How walking has really helped me deal with depression.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this episode I share how walking has been a massive help in overcoming the challenges I've faced in dealing with a significant depressive episode. I share how I started, what my walking routine is like now and the benefits I have got from walking. I also dig into the research on the topic and share the findings from my dive into Google to find out more.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In today's episode I explore the dilemma I am facing about getting into an intimate relationship. It has been 2 years since I ended my last significant relationship, one that was the catalyst for the challenges I have been facing recently. As I start to begin to feel better about myself, I am still faced with a dilemma about whether or not to get involved with someone.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
I got another letter from the NHS about the treatment they have promised me. In this episode I share my thoughts on the letter and its implications for me and for society as a whole. We have a VERY big problem looming on the horizon....!
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this episode I’ve decided to review where I am at just short of 5 months since I was sat opposite my GP telling them I wanted to end my life. I review my journey so far, reveal how I’m feeling right now and look at what the future might hold for me.
In this episode I mull over the dilemma I am facing about whether or not to take any form of substance to help with low mood. I have an aversion to antidepressants but alternatives like St John's Wort have their own issues. In this episode I mull over the dilemma I have and share my thoughts.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today's episode is a summary of everything that has been happening this week on the podcast. It includes:
- Why I have decided to shift my attention to focusing on the brain and happiness.
- My first exploration in understanding the different types of antidepressants and what they do in the brain.
- Establishing how effective antidepressants are, especially when compared to placebos.
- Exploring whether I should continue with my therapy.
- Finding out about all the nasty side effects of antidepressants.
- My plan for evolving my Wim Hof Method practice.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
A few weeks back I got into starting the Wim Hof method (aka the Iceman). I tried a few things form the free stuff online and then finally committed to investing in his online programme. In today's episode I update you on the progress (or not) that I have been making.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In today's episode I share what I've discovered about the side effects of antidepressants. I also relate my own experiences of taking them 10 years ago and once again reiterate why I am looking for natural alternatives.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Yesterday I had my 10th therapy session. When I've hit this milestone with previous episodes in the past, I've usually discontinued the sessions because I generally feel much better. However, I can't have addressed the problem otherwise I wouldn't keep having dark (depressive) episodes. In this episode (of the podcast) I explore this question and share the experience I had with my therapist when we discussed it yesterday.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today I thought I would poke around a bit on line to see what I could find out about how effective antidepressants are. I found some interesting statistics, some ground breaking research and finally get an answer to the question "Are placebos more effective than antidepressants?"
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/.
In today's episode I share my findings in my ongoing research to understand what is happening in the brain when someone takes antidepressants. It is part of my quest to find drug free alternatives to get the same therapeutic benefits. I share what I've learnt about the neurochemical mechanics and how antidepressants play a part in that. This is a high level and very basic grasp (I think) of what is going on and gives me enough of an understanding to move forward.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In today's episode I share my experiences of my research activities looking for information about the brain and happiness. The quality and style of search results are very different from similar searches looking for information about the brain and depression. I think as a result of what I've discovered today, I may need to shift my approach to research.
The show notes for this episode can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
After another week of podcast episodes, my regular Sunday Summary shares the highlights of what has happened over the last 7 days. These include:
- My top 10 questions I want answering about antidepressants, how they work and what natural alternatives are there.
- What I discovered about the main causes of depression.
- How I found one of the most independent, comprehensive and helpful sources of credible information on the topic of depression written by PhDs and medical professionals.
- My first tentative steps in understanding what goes on in my brain when I have low moods.
- An absolutely beautifully stunning animation of what goes on in the brain of a person who first gets depressed and then recovers.
- How I stunned myself with an age old realisation which only becomes obvious when you become enlightened to its message.
The show notes for this episode can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Last night I had one of those jaw dropping realisations. It's only a small thing, but I think it was HUGE for me. In this episode I share what that is and what I think it means to me moving forward.
The show notes for this episode can be found here at: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Whilst I was researching the previous episode of this podcast looking for information on what happens in the brain, I stumbled across an amazing video animation. I was blown away by the quality of the animation and the message it portrays. But most of all I was shocked by the emotional impact it had on me. In this episode I share my experience and and explain where you can see this video too.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In today's episode I share my findings on what is going on in my brain when I am feeling depressed. I dug around a few credible sites (and a few not so credible ones) to gain a very basic understanding of a brain cell and exactly what a neurotransmitter is and does. Understanding what I've discovered is starting help me see a way forward to help myself.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
After discovering the range of factors that contribute to the cause of depression yesterday, today I refocused my search on information about what goes on in the brain. In this episode I explain the problems I encountered with the sheer volume and doubtful quality of some of the information. But I also share a brilliant resource I found on the topic of depression. It has no ads, is written by PHds and isn't trying to sell you anything.
The show notes for this episode (and the link to this new resource) can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Yesterday I shared the 10 questions I will be seeking answers to as I better understand the mechanisms I can influence to help create a better neuro-chemical environment in my brain. Well I have begun my research and stumbled on an excellent article from the Harvard Medical School website that explained the many different causes of depression. In this episode I share what I've discovered and ask the additional questions that came to mind during that research.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Over the last couple of days I have committed to exploring alternatives to antidepressants in an attempt to create a stronger mental framework for the cognitive work I am going to have to do. In this episode I share the 10 questions I am going to seek answers for and why I have chosen them.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
It's time for my regular weekly summary of what has been happening on this podcast. In this episode I share the highs and lows (literally) of the week that include:
- A sad realisation that the stigma I have around my challenge will result in unfortunate and probably irreversible collateral damage.
- A repeat of an earlier realisation that my challenge is not hurting enough for me to do anything about it right now.
- The passive approach my therapy is taking may not be working for me (or am I just being too impatient?).
- Another bad day and why it might not be because I struggle with my mental well being.
- The need to explore alternatives to antidepressants.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In Yesterday's episode I reflected on what might have caused the previous days low and mused that I might need to explore alternatives to antidepressants. Well today, I realise I definitely do and in this episode I explain why.
The show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
After yesterday's "bad day", I had a much better day today. Still not sure why yesterday happened. I reflect on that but also share a realisation that I just might be trying too hard to deal with my challenge.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today I have had a day of feeling low. It hasn't been a day of depression, just a day of glumness... though I am not sure I really know the difference. But despite feeling "bad" I didn't allow it to consume me completely - just partially.
The show notes for this episode can be found here: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
I have been having therapy for nearly 2 months now and so I thought I would use today's episode to reflect on the value (or not) I've been getting from the sessions. I share what we talked about in today's therapy session and explain my thinking about how I see it moving forward.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In today's episode I once again reflect on my lack of progress and ask myself this important question.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this episode I reflect on how isolating myself from others so I can hide the challenges I am facing (because of the stigma attached to issues around mental well being), has a unforeseen cost attached to it.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my Sunday review of what happened in the last week I share with you:
- The focus of this year's Mental Health Awareness Week.
- Martin Seligman's ABCs of explanatory style and the impact on depression.
- Me becoming my own case study on how ABC can drive you back into depression.
- The options I have for evolving my ABCs.
- The potential of Time Travel to change how the past impacts you today.
The show notes for this episode can be found here: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today I came across a profound piece of neuroscience that effectively allows us to travel back in time and change the past and its effect on us. In this episode I tell you where I discovered this and what it is.
Over the last couple of days I have hit another very low patch, but one of my own making. Having laid out the theory behind the ABCs of explanatory style earlier in the week, (Adversity-Beliefs-Consequences), the universe rewarded me with my very own adversity to play with. Unfortunately I didn't play it very well. In this episode I explore the two options for dealing with those thoughts Martin Seligman suggests in his book Learned Optimism.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Yesterday I hit a self inflicted low after ruminating on why someone was going to reject me and why I thought they had when they did. Today I have shaken off the low that transpired yesterday and so take the opportunity to reflect on what happened and what I might do in the future.
Yesterday I talked about Martin Seligman's explanation of the ABC's of learned helplessness - Adversity, Beliefs & Consequences. Well today I experienced that cycle as it drove me back into a deep depressed state. In this episode, that very nearly did not get recorded, I explain what happened.
In today's episode I share the activity recommended by Martin Seligman in his book Learned Optimism that helps identify your explanatory style. I explain what The ABC's refer to and how important they are in understanding how things that happen to you make you feel.
The show notes for this episode can be found here: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
As is customary in the UK, the second week in May is Mental Health Awareness Week. This week is coordinated by the Mental Health Foundation and this year has the theme of the relationship between body image and mental health. In this episode I share my views on how this is a good thing, but we probably need to do even more.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my regular review of the past 7 days I look at the progress I have made this week and the key themes that have emerged. These include:
- The recognition I need to go deeper to start addressing the challenges that are behind a depressive state of mind.
- Whether I need to address the ghosts of the past or just learn to manage the problems of the present.
- Understanding how much of a pessimist/optimist I am.
- A better understanding of the relationship between learned helplessness, optimism, pessimism, explanatory style and rumination.
- A realisation that it is quite possible my susceptibility to depression can be cured.
- Pessimism isn't necessarily a bad thing.
- Another touch point from the NHS - they've been in touch - though don't hold your breath.
Today I received a letter from the NHS about my appointment. I'm still on the waiting list and so nothing really has changed. I share my thoughts on this news in this episode.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this episode I explore some of Martin Seligman's thinking on the value of pessimism in our lives. I also reflect on my own experiences of being more pessimistic and how that has affected me.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
I've now been diving deeper into Martin Seligman's brilliant book - Learned Optimism. In this episode I share a quick summary of what I've discovered about myself and about the challenges I am facing. It's a perfect blend of hope and help (and who knows, maybe some happiness).
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
I’ve finally got round to doing the Learned Optimism questionnaire in Martin Seligman’s book. Here’s what I found.
Today I have visited where I grew up and it stimulated some important questions about my past and about my future.
I have been reflecting on why I appear to have stalled in my progress and I think I have the answer. In this short episode, I explore what I need to do next.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my weekly summary episode, I reflect on the lessons of the last week and share my thoughts on the progress (or not) that I am making. Specifically this week the episodes have covered the following:
- A re-realisation that I have stalled.
- A commitment to be more mindful and express gratitude more often.
- Sharing my thoughts on mindfulness and how to apply it in my life.
- A new way of looking at my self-worth courtesy of a health guru.
- How I put together my podcast episodes.
- An invitation to come on the podcast and be interviewed about your experiences of mental wellbeing.
The show notes for this episode can be found here https://hopehelphappiness.com/
If you are someone who can contribute to the journey of hope, help and happiness for others and are willing to share your insights, experience, expertise or stories, then come an be interviewed on the podcast. You might be a GP, a therapist, a scientist, a mental well being practitioner, a psychiatrist, a nutritionist, a psychologist or even someone who has also suffered. It doesn't matter. All I am looking for are people who can help contribute to making other sufferers more aware of what is going on, what they can do and most importantly, give them hope they can manage and heal themselves.
Occasionally I am at a complete loss what to podcast about. When you commit to publishing daily, you do set yourself up for the possibility of "drying up" when it comes to creating content. That happened in this episode so I take you behind the scenes of how I put together each episode and share a few thoughts on how doing this is helping me and perhaps might help others too.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In today's episode I share an insight I gained from an interview with Melissa Hartwig of Whole30 fame on Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory show on YouTube. She was talking about how she defines her self worth. It was stunning in both its simplicity and its power. I share what it is and my thoughts on it.
The show notes for this episode can be found here https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In yesterday's episode I committed to being more mindful on a day to day basis to help support my spiritual development. In this episode I share what (Little) I know about Mindfulness and describe being mindful as I record the episode.
Show Notes for this episode can be found here: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Yesterday I decided to review the daily practice from James Altucher's book "Choose Yourself". His simple daily practice got me started back on the road to recovery all those weeks ago so I know the full version has value. Today I share my thoughts as I review the four "bodies" targeted by this Daily Practice.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
The theme of last week seemed to be one of resistance and lack of progress. I felt as though I had plateaued and that I was in a holding pattern - no longer suffering, but still not healed. In today's episode I look at what I need to do next, though as you will hear, the direction is not clear and I don't really know what to do.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this week's reflection of the episodes of the last 7 days I share the following lessons:
- The Wim Hof breathing and cold shower routine continues despite the "Brrrrr!" factor.
- I feel trapped between the darkness of the low mood and the challenge of addressing its cause.
- Honesty is key to facing up to my issues and challenges.
- There is inspiration from how a 4 year old girl overcame cancer.
- I think I have either plateaued, am drifting or am too busy being busy to go deeper.
- If other people think well of me, perhaps I should start doing the same too.
The show notes for this episode can be found here: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today I had a real wake up call. Not a slap in the face type of wake up call, but a really nice one that made me think about my situation and how I feel about myself. Listen and I'll explain everything.
The Show Notes For This Episode Can Be Found At https://hopehelphappiness.com/
A couple of days ago I posted an episode that looked at my resistance to healing. Well in those days NOTHING has changed. In this episode I reflect on that and share my thoughts with you about it.
You can find the Show Notes for this episode here at: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
I recently came across Devon Still's story (former NFL Lineman) about how he helped coach his 4 year old daughter to beat cancer. He talked about creating a playbook to help her deal with the challenges she was facing. Their story inspired me to think a playbook for depression might be a good idea. I share my thoughts on this.
Today I resumed my counselling sessions after a two week break. In discussing the challenges I had last week, the conversation turned to some uncomfortable issues for me. I caught myself editing my answers and thoughts before expressing them in the session. In this episode I explore that.
The show notes for this episode can be found here at: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
I have noticed I seem to be avoiding putting the effort in to address the root causes of my suffering. I am doing lots of other things. I am getting distracted by activities that on the surface appear to be helping me heal. But the reality is I seem to be putting off what really needs to be done. I reveal all in this episode.
The Show Notes For This Episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Over the last couple of weeks I have been experimenting with taking cold showers and trying out Wim Hof's breathing exercises based on his free introductory course. I have been impressed with how my tolerance of the cold has improved even over just a couple of weeks. I have also been inspired listening to Wim Hof explain how and why his approach works and how he has opened his abilities up to the scrutiny of scientific research. And so based on all of that, when an offer came through on his 60th birthday, I decided to invest in the programme. I share what's in the package in this episode.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here at: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
It has now been six weeks since I started this podcast and as usual for a Sunday, I reflect back on the last 7 days and review the key lessons from each of the episodes of the last week. These include:
- Happiness is a collection of moments of contentment.
- How I thought I'd had a relapse when I hit a low I'd not experienced for at least 6 weeks.
- My reframing of my "relapse" to a "blip"
- How I was able to unwittingly "recreate" my blip twice in one week!
- A ground breaking leap forward towards my own healing (in my opinion anyway)
- The two questions I am starting to ask myself to help, heal and achieve happiness
- I share more about my cold shower routine - and if I'm honest I do so out of a sense of smugness I am able to take cold showers as well as because I know it is something that might help others too!
- How I discovered the importance of my morning routine to my mental well being
- My realisation of needing to manage my choices (about using techniques to help me) when I am at my lowest.
The show notes for this episode can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
At the beginning of this week I had what I thought might have been a relapse. Today I had something similar. On both occasions there was one striking similarity. In this episode I'm embarrassed to explain how I am feeling but positive about what I have learnt.
Show Notes for this episode can be found here at: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
A few weeks ago I began trying out the Wim Hof method. I introduced his method to you in episode 018 and gave an initial update in episode 022. It consists of breathing exercises, cold water immersion and mental focus. I have been doing the breathing exercises and taking cold showers for over three weeks now. In this episode I update you on how the cold showers are going and the differences I am starting to see. It still amazes me that I am podcasting about taking cold showers!
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here at: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
After coming to the conclusion that my "relapse" of a couple of days ago was just a blip, I find myself still awash with negative thoughts. In today's episode I share those with you. I also share the glimmer of hope that I am on the way to begin the healing. Listen to the end for one of the most powerful quotes I've heard in recent times.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Yesterday I got struck down and overwhelmed by deep feelings of depression. I thought it might be a relapse but as you'll hear in this lesson, I even had a productive day yesterday despite how I was feeling.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here at: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this episode I share my experiences of the last 24 hours and the impact they've had on me. It feels like I've had a relapse.
I gained an incredible insight from someone on an Impact Theory Video this morning. They were talking about how they define happiness and how that helps achieve that state more often. They recommended a very simple exercise you can do which I explain and share my results.
The show notes for this episode can be found here at: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In my weekly Sunday summary, I review my key lessons and experiences of the week which include:
- Pondering on whether to share the free resources I've been given by the NHS.
- Simultaneously feeling cared for by my doctor and the unworthiness of the stigma attached to mental health issues.
- Why I'm continuing with counselling even though I feel in a really good place right now.
- Reflecting on whether I need to solve the problems causing my feelings of inadequacy or just learn to manage those feelings when they arise.
- Brendon Burchard's advice about gaining momentum through starting every day with something small and simple to achieve, even if it is just getting out of bed.
- Mel Robbins' advice about using the 5 Second Rule for dealing with thoughts that are not supporting you (just discovering this simple technique is worth the time you'll spend listening to this episode).
- Why I think my healing needs to be, in fact HAS to be painful for me to achieve happiness.
- A reflection on what some of my fears are and how they manifest.
- More thoughts on the concept of "happiness" - is it a destination or a journey.
The show notes for this episode can be found here: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this episode I share a couple of recent experiences where my fears present themselves. On the one hand I explain why I’m fearful but on the other hand I know I can deal with them and share one example where I’ve done just that.
Show notes for this episode can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this episode I share my thoughts on why I think it is important that my healing from depression and suicidal thoughts should hurt.... Ouch!!!
The show notes for this episode can be found here at: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
That's probably the longest title I've given one of these episodes so far! I came across an Impact Theory video purely by accident recently. It was called "7 Wildly Successful People Who Struggle With Mental Health". In it Tom Bilyeu has created a montage of interview snippets where some of the successful people he has spoken to share how they have dealt with their mental health challenges. It is an empowering, insightful and heartwarming video packed with common sense advice and things to try. However the most important thing it offers apart from some practical help is HOPE - hope that you can overcome these sorts of challenges. In this episode I summarise the key points I took from each of the 7 snippets. I also share where you can find this video yourself although a quick search on YouTube for "7 Wildly Successful People Who Struggle With Mental Health" should do the trick - then you won't have to listen to me drone on about it :-)
The show notes for this video that summarises the insights and suggestions can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Today I had my weekly counselling session as usual. I have been struggling to justify why I need counselling as I now feel so much better. In this episode I explore my thoughts on this and explain why I HAVE to keep attending counselling sessions, even if I feel like I don't need them at the moment.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In today's episode I share my experience of someone asking me a very simple question. I describe how it made me feel and why it made me feel that way.
The Show Notes for this episode can be found here: https://hopehelphappiness.com/
After my recent frustration at not being able to get access to free resources provided by the NHS, they have now given me a password that works. In this episode I give a brief overview of what they've given me. There's some good stuff here...but there's also a few places where they are falling short. Listen and find out more.
The show notes for this episode can be found here at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
Another week in the world of the Hope Help Happiness Podcast is reviewed in the regular Sunday Summary. In this episode I review the key takeaways for me from a week podcasting about my adventures in Mental Well Being. I include my thoughts on:
- World Happiness Day and the importance of Social Interaction
- How social media posts lure people into thinking they are positively contributing to the issue of mental wellbeing
- How I accidentally included meditation into my daily routine and the impact that is having.
- How the NHS are putting even more barriers in my way to receiving support.
When revisiting the last letter I received from the NHS about the treatment they plan for me in 6 months time, I discovered there were some free resources to support me in my treatment. So I went to the website to get them... You won't believe what I found when I got there! SPOILER ALERT - I still don't have them!
The show notes for this episode can also be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com/
In this brief episode I share an insight that hit me last night about why I have not been coming up with 10 ideas a day as I planned to.
Meditation is good for lots of reasons. It is highly beneficial for people struggling with depression (and anxiety too). In today's brief episode I explain how I accidentally started meditating and how it has now become a part of my daily routine.
In this episode I give a quick update on how I am feeling right now. [SPOILER ALERT} - I feel good but still have some resistance here and there.
You will see a lot of Facebook posts from people expressing support for suicide awareness or offering to listen to anyone who is struggling with depression and might need a chat. Whilst they are well meaning, they are ineffective and serve no more than to make the person posting the message feel better about themselves. I share my thoughts on this issue in this episode.
The show notes and a transcript of this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com
In this episode I pull a few highlights from the World Happiness Report that was issued on World Happiness Day on 20th March. If you think the world's richest countries are the happiest, then listen to this. There is a brilliant definition of happiness and believe it or not, money is not as big a factor as you might think.
The show notes and/or the edited transcript of this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com
In this longer than expected episode for a Sunday Summary, I review the key events of the week and the lessons I've learned from them. There's a lot about cold showers and breathing and how that's helping. I share my thoughts on a video about Tony Robbins "curing" a woman's depression and am honest with you about my relapses during the week.
The full transcript and/or show notes for this episode can be found at https://hopehelphappiness.com
In todays episode, I reflect on how rumination has affected my day today. I share the experiences of this morning and the impact of rumination on my ability to get out of bed and get on with my day. There's a negative and a positive aspect of rumination that I cover in today's thoughts.
In this episode I share my thoughts on a Video I saw of Tony Robbins working with a woman who suffered from depression. The title for the video said he cured her of it. I share my thoughts on what he actually did and how the lessons from the video can help deal with depression.
A short poem that's an expression of the stigma I feel about struggling with depression and feelings of low self esteem.
In this episode I explain why I have chosen to explore the Wim Hof method to help deal with depression. I outline the fundamentals of the method (based on a couple of excellent YouTube videos and describe the experiences of my first attempt at trying the breathing exercises this morning. I also explain how I have "grown" into having cold showers. Today was counselling day and so this episode also gives a brief update on that.
In this short episode I share how learned helplessness made its presence firmly felt again and reminded me that I've yet to overcome it.
After going through "Choose Yourself" by James Altucher a couple of days or so ago, I am now beginning my journey on applying his philosophy to my recovery. In today's episode I share how I combine a couple of his suggestions into one and plan the next few steps I'm going to take.
In this episode I reflect on the things I have learnt from the episodes of the last 7 days and what I am going to do over the next 7 days. What comes out for me is the importance of this self-reflection and how it is positively contributing to my healing.
After my frustrations of yesterday, I have decided to knuckle down and focus on actually DOING something constructive to move myself forward. This is instead of just gathering lots of ideas and following through on none of them. I am going to use "Choose Yourself" By James Altucher as a starting point. In this episode I pull out some really powerful quotes that resonated with me and summarise the key points I took from his book that I think will help me. These include:
- The four components of what James Altucher calls his "Solid Foundation" for a fully functioning life.
- How fear of rejection is the biggest impediment to living a full life and his counter-intuitive suggestion to dealing with that (which terrified me!).
- Why you should only do things you enjoy and what that actually means.
- How making small incremental improvements across each foundation is the key to success
- Practical things you can do to improve your physical life [SPOILER ALERT - there won't be anything you've not heard before]
- How quality relationships are the key to an emotionally fulfilling life
- 3 suggestions for your daily mental practice - here's where the potential for personal wealth may lie
- The importance of a daily spiritual practice and how that doesn't have to be one of hours of meditation sitting in uncomfortable yoga poses.
- Why time travel is not good for you.
- How you can being developing a Daily Practice by starting with a simplified version
- How loving yourself (can help) - a story of how that worked for one of James' friends
- Why you don;t necessarily need a purpose to have a fulfilling life. [NOTE - despite what he says here, I think I nailed my purpose and probably identified what his is... even if he doesn't know it!]
- How a realisation that when things are not good and you are in a rut, means you have to start doing something different.
- The relevance of becoming a master salesman, how to have more oxytocin in your life and why I might start introducing people to each other.
In this short episode I just have a quick rant about the problems of letting my mind run away with itself.
In this short update, I share what happened in my second therapy session and a follow up appointment I had today. Nothing much to report, other than they happened and I still have to deal with the challenges of the hear and now.
In this episode, I share my thoughts and experiences on the stigma associated with mental illness. Here's what I cover:
- The shocking statistic about the rate of suicide in the UK .
- What I learnt about dealing with the challenges of mental illness and suicide prevention from a prominent football player, a retired rugby league star, a Northern Irish mother of 3, a doctor and a recently bereaved father.
- How the UK government has a Minister For Suicide Prevention who believes we need to tackle the stigma but more importantly reach out to those who might be struggling.
- I share the two sides to the stigma I have about asking those around me for help when I am feeling down.
- I express my admiration for those brave enough to be true to those around them about the challenges they face and the need for help.
- I explain why me being a hypocrite about the stigma is a good thing
- How my experiences have helped me to reach out to others who might be struggling (true story that happened just 2 days before recording this episode)
In this episode I share a small victory about how I overcame internal resistance that previously would have written off my day.
In this episode I explore whether or not I would actually have ended my life had I not gone to the doctor and asked for help. I share my mindset over the weeks, months and years in the run up to that day. To the external observer, this will be an insight to what people contemplating suicide think about when considering taking their own life. Some have described suicide as a very selfish act. This episode might help you decide whether that is true or not.
In this episode I look back over the first 7 days of publishing this podcast and reflect on the journey I've taken so far. I share the key take aways from each of the first 7 episodes and highlight how I intend to move forward this week.
In this episode I share how I discovered a really simple and really easy to apply technique that has begun to shift me out of my learned helplessness. I explain who I got it from, where I found them and where you can find them too. I talk about how I have used that technique and the dramatic effect such a simple thing has made on my progress. And of course I share the technique with you too.
In this episode I share my experiences of my first therapy session. All straightforward stuff. We opened on administration (always a good place to start), talked about how the sessions will run and then got into it. We covered a lot of ground including learned helplessness, vulnerability, rejection and what love means. I also share an unexpected emotional reaction I had that took me by complete surprise.
In this episode I share what has happened since I went to my GP and asked for help because I wanted to take my own life. It has taken 48 days, 6 letters, 3 e mails, 2 face to face sessions and 3 telephone consultations (two lasting 45 minutes and one of 30 minutes) to discover it will be at least 216 days (31 weeks or 7 months) from asking for help to possibly getting to the top of a waiting list for treatment. I have repeated my story of suffering 5 times to 5 different people and still after 7 weeks, I am no further forward.
In this episode I share the following:
- Why I couldn't get out of bed until 11.15am (on a school day!).
- My indulgence in rumination of the negative kind.
- How I skilfully used social media to distract myself and delay facing up to the day.
- The negative emotional downward spiral I launched myself into because I couldn't drag myself out of bed.
- An explanation of how I set myself up for this LAST NIGHT!!!
- What Learned Helplessness is - the research behind it and how it affects us (especially if depressed)
- My complete embarrassment at being honest about what happened this morning.
- How I considered giving up on this podcast after just 2 episodes, but why I know I have to keep going
In this second episode of my Hope, Help and Happiness Podcast, I reflect on the following:
- How recording and publishing my first podcast episode has taken me much longer than I expected
- How it has triggered the same cycle of destructive thought patterns that got me depressed in the first place
- The flip flop swinging between positive and negative emotions in the space of just 24 hours
- My avoidance strategies - things I do to side step taking back control of my thoughts
- The realisation of the need to be more self-compassionate
- My frustration with how slow things are moving forward vs how quickly I need them to progress
- The overwhelming amount of information available to me on just in books sold on Amazon
- Which topic has more written about it on Amazon - Depression or Happiness?
- My 2 step draft plan for moving forward in spite of being overwhelmed
- Why I will be looking into the role of antidepressants even though I refuse to take them
This first episode explains how close I was to recently taking my own life, how I didn’t and why I am going to use this podcast to help me deal with the issues and consequences of Mental ill health I face. It also explains how I’ll be dealing with the stigma of mental illness by podcasting anonymously.