Mbaacha: Recent Episodes
Della Mbaacha
Artwork by Zeren Badar. Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aWkhuAu8go
From reading a book I just bought I stumbled across this Theory on human behavior brought about by Sigmuead Freud. The idea is states that there is a driving force in all humans that seeks for pleasure and avoids pain. When I stumbled across this idea I knew it had me peg. There is a side of me that I have to constantly fight so that I can go about my life and get projects finished and make progress in life. There is a part of me that does not want to accept the harsh reality of life. This side wants to willing stay in the dark because ignorance is bliss. Finding out about this idea makes me more relaxed. It relieves anxiety because I now that I know that this is just an aspect of human nature I donāt have to guilt trip myself when my productivity stifles. Learning about this idea makes me understand more why things like goal setting and delaying gratification are effective. There is a force with us that seeks for pleasure and avoids pain. Itās good to seek pleasure and its wise to avoid pain. Though a lot of times rewards are on the other side of pain. A lot of times one has to embrace experiencing pain to accept the reality of matter.
Today I learned the benefits of reinterpreting other peopleās style. I was watching this video on auction houses selling paintings that honestly look like chicken scratch for millions of dollars and I found out that a painting that Picasso made in one day sold for $106 million dollars. At first I wouldnāt let myself believe this. Itās still hard to believe this because it makes me question what am I doing in college? If a guy can make a painting in a day and years later even after that guy passes away that very same painting he made sells for $106 million dollars then why am I not investing my time into doing something like that? I was befuddled when I learn this and I even stopped what I was doing and went to take a walk. After a few little while I realized that the value of my college education transcends monetary value. I still wanted to learn more about Picasso so I watched a documentary on him over the span of a couple days and learned that he would habitually reinterpret the styles of other artist's paintings. I learned from this documentary and a bit extra research that Picasso would go to The Louvre repetitiously to stare at an artwork that he wanted to reinterpret. After some time he would do his on rendition of the style. This technique of adopting someone elseās idea and embodying it in their own work echos a similar programming philosophy. From what I learned so far a good practice in programming software is to build on the back of someone before you's work. This enables one to be more efficient because instead of starting from scratch one can focus on improving. Why reinvent the wheel? Itās alway easier to improve someone else's idea. I first rejected this way of going about oneās work because it seemed to diminish creativity. There is something about creating something from scratch that just seems cooler. But after a bit I realized that almost everything is built from other things. Nothing just comes out of nowhere. One idea leads to the next idea. Many things like the iPhone, Uber, and even Ice Cream Sandwiches are composites of different ideas. Learning this makes me want to work with others more, it opens my eyes to the fact that the world is full of good ideas to use. One of the best things about the concept of reinterpreting other peopleās ideas is that for the most part information is free so itās almost like a free for all on ideas. So the #1 thing I learned from that documentary on Picasso is to increase my tendency of reinterpreting other peopleās ideas. If I see somebody doing something in a way that I feel is pretty dope than I should do my own rendition based upon their work, if Picasso is humble enough to do that so can I.
Ending Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N83L29yGKI
Today I learned how essential it is to embrace making sacrifices. It can be easy to think that all can be done at once. It can be easy to overload oneself up with various obligations. It can be easier to put width over depth. Iāve found through that when I overload myself with various things I find myself not doing as well as I could of. Sacrificing one thing for the other requires extra thought and also a strong stomach. Itās difficult to do so I think because one is deliberately narrowing their possibilities. For creative types especially thats difficult. A lot of times sacrificing one thing for the other leads one to take it more seriously. When things are sparse itās easier to see what is most important. Embracing sacrifices allows one to measure their desire in real time. It can be easy to say that I have a strong desire to be happy to do well in my life but until I make the sacrifices, on the daily, to actually move towards those things then I havenāt seriously committed. The desire can be measured in the sacrifice. I think this idea is really important because seeing yourself sacrifice one thing for another makes you value what you choose more and thus take better care of it.
It dawned upon that I could get my myself to operate more on a longterm basis if I give myself a reward for holding on a bit longer than I usually do. I always knew this but I never put it into practice as much as I could have. At the end of semesters when I was at community college I would get Taco Bell because it was close by, but I would get Taco Bell or McDonalds a couple times before that so it wasnāt really that special. I put this idea into practice when I was setting goals for the month of January, if I achieved all the monthly goals I would nudge myself to go see one of my favorite rappers, throughout the month I was thinking of how dope it would be to go to the concert and be in amongst that energy that a rap show has. This gave me more strength to dig deeper and accomplish the monthly goals. Rewarding Oneself for achieving oneās goals makes me more patient anymore goal oriented because the reward for behind achieving the goals is more tangible.
Today I learned I learned the importance of considering the the alternatives. This is something I Gary Vee has been a big proponent of. The idea dawned into my head one evening as I was waiting for the bus. I was upset because of how much school is demanding from me. It feels like most of my waking time is out towards school and that makes me feel uncomfortable because I fear that Iāll find myself ending up just like everybody else. As I was waiting for the bus I saw a security guard I see frequently was near where I was standing and was talking loud enough for me to here about how had plans to pursue music over the summer and how he was hopeful that things would get better. I felt a bit better seeing him so hopeful because it reminded me that I was on the right track for me. It reminded me that without a foundation one can only hope. It reminded me to concider the alternative. Doing so shows one the options on the table. There is no option of doing nothing. One has to do something eventually. I realize through considering my alternatives that Iād rather be struggling to build my foundation than start over to pursue a dream that will probably take 10 years to see a significant return.
For some reason i remembered this clip of I watched many years ago of Bruce Lee explaining how one should empty their mind be like water. In this clip he explains how water when put into anything can take any shape. If it is put into a cup water assumes the neccsary shape. If it is put into a teapot water assumes the necessary shape for that teapot. I think that way of seeing oneself is interesting. The way I see myself and the attitude I hold play a big hand in my results, I found itās that way for others too. By emptying my mind of myself and my beliefs and seeing myself as an entity capable of taking the necessary shape to fulfill the goal I know I can do a bit better.
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJMwBwFj5nQ
Today I learned the importance of keeping the dream alive. Iāve seen what it looks like from my own personal experience when you quit and years later you still have the same ambitions. Iāve seen what it looks like when a man has unfulfilled ambition and maybe feels like his sacrifices for his family are not being appreciated. Jim Rohn says you loose automatically when you quit. It seems itās harder to to get something off the ground. Itās takes more energy to get something off the ground than to keep it going. Just by pursuing a dream daily Iām keeping the dream still s possibility. Sacrifices have to be made to get ahead, but sacrificing the dream for the future for a more practical present will not lead me to the most fulfilling life.
This guy Christy Brown is the physical manifestation of āNever Stop.ā I found out about Christy Brown from an assignment I had to do for a Psychology class at Montgomery County Community College. From then on Iāve been amazed by this man. He was born with Cerebral Palsy resulting in him only able to use his left foot. This troubled him heavily as one could only imagine. But this did not kill his spirit. He still found ways to express himself by becoming a writer. This far from reading his autobiography Iāve learned the importance of having a support system. This manās mother, Bridget Brown, is undoubtably a world class mother. She was more than a mother. This man family supported him and loved him and I believe that made a big difference in Browns life. Iāve also learned the built in need humans have to channel their energy towards something. Brown recounts how he felt like a prisoner in his own body, it was writing that gave him the opportunity to express himself full heartedly. Lastly Iāve also learn to cherish my independence! Just being a able to get up and go where I want is a gift. It is a gift that unfortunately some are not granted. Brown was bound to his wheel chair and had to be fed and washed. Be able bodied permits independence and that is a blessing.
Today I learned what a difference it makes to write down what Iām thankful for. For a couple days Iāve been testing this idea out. Iāve always heard of gratitude journals and even tried it out a couple years ago. With my initial experience I would type out what I was grateful for on my phone. I would do this sporadically. Almost with a half hearted effort. I stopped doing it because I didnāt feel much change. But with Thanksgiving approaching I decided to give it another shot. Instead of typing it out this time I would just write it all down on a scrap of paper. This made all the difference. By writing down just three things Iām thankful for I found myself encoding those moments of fortune more into memory. By doing so more happiness and more gratitude was able to be derived from them. I also noticed how I was much more inclined to get more out of experiences. Upon realizing how so many things in life are just happenstance and that a lot of those things occur in my favor Iām able to push myself further to fully maximize on opportunities I see available. My overall mood is even better. If things donāt occur in the way I plan and I find myself getting into a negative attitude I easily retrieve the most recent things that Iām grateful for that and Iām able to avert practicing a negative attitude. There is something about writing out an idea by hand that kickstarts your brainpower. Itās even interesting to find something I wrote down that I was thankful about and then ponder on it. Iāve found that those who are grateful for what they have figure out a way to optimize and increase. Iāve also found that those who are ungrateful for what they posess, have their treasures of life slowly stripped away from them. It is very important to me grow a sense of gratitude as I climb the mountains of life. Iāve been guilty of taking things for granted. Up until recently I took for granted the strength I cultivated for standing up for myself. Now standing up for myself is almost instinctual but it use to be something I struggled with, for the majority of my life. It was realizing that I had not understood the value of this internal triumph is what led me to pick up the habit of writing down three things in grateful for. The more successful anyone gets the easier it is for them to take things for granted to become unmoved. I think that is the beginning of poor performance. It was when I realized my value as a human being is when I really began pulling myself together. Practicing gratitude is a necessity.
Today I learned about Charity: Water. I came across this Charity Organization from watching an episode of AskGaryVee. The guest of that episode was Scott Harrison the founder of Charity Water. Scott talked about how many people across the globe didnāt have access to clean. He talked about how people walk up to 8 hours a day to collect water from lakes and ponds. He talked about how girls have to sacrifice their education to use their days collecting water for their family. I was really intrigued. Water to me has been something that I didnāt think about. It was always available. To think that there are so many people around the world who saw water as a scare resource was surprising to me. From what I found this is a fantastic organization. What I like most about this charity is that 100% of all donations go straight to funding water projects. I like that my donations are purely being used for what they are intended for. Another thing I like about this charity is that it is just such a fantastic cause. Itās so simple. Water is one of things that are so necessary to life. It is indispensable. The work that this charity is doing canāt be understated. An interesting thing I found with donating to this Charity is that each time I do so I grow a deeper appreciation for water. Water literally taste better to me now. I treat it more and more like s sacred resource. This is a fantastic Charity.
Link: https://www.charitywater.org/
Today I learned about the benefits of taking naps. I realized one day how I was all about doing, achieving, and moving in some direction. I realized one day how reactive I was. Somebody would stare at me and I would instantly get upset. It always seemed like Iām on the edge. I didnāt like that. I didnāt like how exhausted I would always feel. It dawned upon me from prior experience to invest just 5 minutes into putting my head down closing my eyes and relaxing. As soon as I did this there was an internal struggle. My brain was unsure of what to focus on. But that internal struggle faded. After my 5 minutes was up I felt engergized and had higher focus. It was interesting. There was a dramatic rise in my mental acuity. I wondered why I stopped practicing this habit? The answer became obvious, it makes one stand out. I stopped taking naps while I was in the library because of quips I would get. Now a little bit better at handling people I know this is something I want to practice again. The benefit is so clear. 5 minutes of napping gives me more energy and more focus. I also get a more relax manner. Iām not so quick to react to negativity like I was. It seems as though Iām more capable with brushing things off have holding firm to a relaxed manner. Iām more able to ignore things. Itās interesting. I never looked at resting as a skill. But the more I take naps it seems the better I get at it. Take naps gives more time to think as well. In between work breaks Iām able to consider things more and really evaluate what Iām doing.
Today I learned that cleaning room makes me more practical. Through this semester Iāve realized how I got ahead of myself. I realized how I forgot how easy it is to discard the fundamentals of what push me further than I was. Right now my grades arenāt a true representation of who I am. This is because until very recently I put working on myself before completing my school work. My thinking with this was that the more I improve upon myself my grades would improve as well. So I put practicing disciplines that had nothing to do with my course material before studying and completing assignments. Itās impressive how many times Iāve made such a mistake in my life in many different ways. I always heard a voice in the back of my head that I was going about it the wrong way but it wasnāt until I saw my midterm grades that I got the kick that needed to make a dramatic change. This realization all came about as I was cleaning up my room. From doing so I saw how as time passes and action occurs small messes occur. These messes donāt make themselves apparent because they are spaced out. Though when they brought together it is obvious that they have a considerable effect on their surrounds. For me this small mess was the habit taking my school work lightly. Through cleaning up my room more Iām more rooted in reality. I see that messes are made all the time. And if they are not taken care of when they are small it will be exponentially more difficult to take care of then when they are large.
I found this to be a very powerful form of motivation. For whatever reason it seems that I can dig deeper within myself to push through when I have the thought in mind of proving the people wrong whom communicated directly or indirectly that I was not of equal value. When I first came up with this idea I noticed negative thoughts kept sprouting in my mind. I was amazed at how I far back I could remember all the things that honestly hurt me. I found myself getting angry because I would relive those moments of betrayal. This negatively affected my work. I would push myself too hard and get burnt out. I later found that by getting angry about how people treated me in the past I was only convicing myself futher that they were right. If I truly believe that I am of equally value to anyone then there is nothing to be mad about. If I truly believe that I am of equal value to anyone than the people who treated me in a way that says otherwise are just wrong. And I can showed that that they are wrong every single day. In the smallest of things that I do and in the largest of things that I do. Itās not about holding a vendetta at all. Itās about carrying out a simple truth. That truth is that Iām just as good as anybody. That truth is that human beings are remarkable creatures. Everybody has gifts inside them just waiting to be utilized. It takes mental strength to carry this out. Itās more easier to think negative. Itās more easier to put somebody down. But with practice the one can get good at extracting the positive. I found now that the negative experiences that I have are now opportunities to pull positive motivation from. I see them now as an incentive to dig deeper in myself because by doing that Iām reaffirming to myself and to reality that I am just as good as anyone.
shownotes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r40krdfNTPwP5OrDfifw8ppwjw0SwdXmMo2eJ8NxrV8/edit?usp=sharing
ted talk: https://youtu.be/bEusrD8g-dM
Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not. ~ Oprah
video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbUvTbD9q4A shownotes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12r8cfGGSMMQZ-1vsqhLUPGuBq8ZKca0lbDL22VltBsc/edit?usp=sharing
There are more stars in our Universe than grains of sand on the Earth's beaches. ~ Carl Sagan
Shownotes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/17ZgiBmXBNVv6EpMRnSpWgfmKRffNHaQhbpUK3gGi_Is/edit?usp=sharing
show notes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RvuJza8IvV1aoK-7M1I4x5_mUs39M9LKQ6A42Up9XwY/edit?usp=sharing
Gaius Ebande Mbaacha B.A(History) M.B.A (Finance) M.P.A (Mgmt)
January 1, 1952 - May 20, 2019
show notes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jfxZzqHVvOFZkmZ2NsAYbfklQZ8cNpRf2tyucm6b14A/edit?usp=sharing
Today I learned about muting my ego. I went home on Tuesday because my uncle was in town. Iād always had great respect for my Uncle because he seemed to be a person I would want to be like. He is always calm, he is kind, and he is always so generous. I knew going home I would learn from him and thatās exactly what happened. With just the two days I spent with him I was reminded of his peaceful nature. I observed him conduct himself in a way of a man who is at peace with himself. I observed him conduct himself in a way of a man āwho had nothing to prove.ā He is of course human and there were times when his ego did show. But overall it was obvious that this man let go of his pride a long time ago. Observing him eventually led me to this idea today. My uncle is not only a humble, peaceful man but he is also one of the most successful people in our family, in practically all areas of life. It is now obvious that his humble manner is correlated to his success. I believe that his conscious or unconscious practice of a restrained ego has yeilded him more of a peace of mind, more focus on what is truly important in life, and made him more of a contributor to socecity. The negatives that come to mind when thinking about this idea are that it is a delicate balance, sometimes a little more ego is necessary. Sometimes you have to remind yourself who you are and what youāve done to take on the next challenge. Another negative that comes to mind is that in putting this idea into practice people may see your humbleness as a sign of weakness and prey upon it to their advantage. Particularly in the world of business. Though, these people can only do so for such a short time. Poor behavior always exposes itself. Iāve had my struggles with ego more so than ever. With living in Baltimore Iāve adapted well to dealing with the negativity of others. Iāve come to embrace the petty intimidation games that come my way. Iāve come to find myself testing other people for fun. That is wrong. That is prideful behavior. Testing other people for fun is not a good longterm habit. It is a prideful act. Iāve observed that a common trait of people who are unsuccessful is pride. My ego is always going to be present so Iām going to always have to fight it. One way to break out of it is to cling to a purpose larger than myself.
Today I learned about organizing the week, the benefits of doing so and the negatives of doing so. By 'Organize the weekā I mean to invest time and effort into setting goals and making plans for the incoming week. It is a step by step process. The first thing I do is Rewrite the reasons why I plan the week. The second thing I do is read what I want my life to look like in the next next five years. The third thing I do is write down the things I want to accomplish by the end of the week. The fourth thing Iāll do is type up these goals into an Evernote. Then starting with Saturday Iāll make a list of goals for each day of the week derived from my original list. The sixth thing Iāll do is plan the accomplishment of these list of each day on Google Planner, starting with Saturday as well. One benefit is that upon writing down a list of goals for the week their is now a baseline for the week. I can now measure whether the week was fully utilized or not. Another benefit is that one is more likely to capitalize on the opportunities the week will present. Sometimes opportunities pop up and luckily Iāve already got the goal on my list for the day ready to be checked off. One of the most important benefits I believe is that it gives the week direction. One keeps doing this over and over and itās pretty obvious that the small steps one takes to get ahead pushes one further as time goes on. The negatives as far as I can tell are few. It just takes time. It just takes practice. It just takes patience. Small price to pay. Organizing the week is a good way to make sure your life is going in the direction you determine.
Formula: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1c7Aoq6TOj5KvrgURPL79AjW7iRmkmL5ITG4N1ztXOw4/edit?usp=sharing
Today I learned about attracting respect. I was walking on the sidewalk and I saw someone else coming in my direction. I quickly moved to the shoulder of the sidewalk where the cars driving. I then noticed the other guy did the same. I read this as a challenge to my position but that wasnāt going to happen. So as we walked closer and closer to each other I stared him down and right before we bumped into each other he moved out of my way but gave me a shoulder bump Iām passing. He then turned around and said āExcuse you.ā With a look expecting me to excuse myself. Unfortunately for him I did not. I just walked off. Something told me that he was going to follow me as I turned the corner so I braved myself for the worst. When my prediction prove correct and he met me facing towards him he tried to intimidate me by pretending he had a gun in his pocket. I looked at his pocket and saw nothing. I saw that all he wanted to do was save his ego so I called him ābrotherāāas a means of communicating that he was my equal. The last thing he said was āI donāt want to see you around here again.ā Then he walked off. That interaction reminded me of how most of us are starving for respect. That interaction showed me that the best way to get respect was to attract it. By attracting respect I mean by conducting oneself in a way that an objective person would deem that behavior respectful. Attracting respect means that one understands that it can always be rebuilt through oneās own actions. I think this idea is beneficial because it means that you donāt have to put people down to have other peopleās approval. It means you observe your behavior and be objective. You ask yourself āIf somebody did what you just did would you respect them?ā The downside to this idea is that it takes longer to attract people respect. No one is perfect, there are going to be times where I do things Iām not proud of. It takes constant effort to behave in a way in which the objective person who deem respectful. But itās better than the alternative. Buying respect only works in the shortterm. Forcing respect is likely to backfire. Genuine effort and patience are things that garner the respect of the objective mind. Nelson Mandelaās father was always the last to speak when gathered with his fellow tribesman.
Today I learned about rejection therapy. I was trying to figure out how I found myself on a way to date. I was retracing my steps and realized the thing that got me on a date was just going through a lot of rejection. For about two months before the date I had made it a discipline to introduce myself to a girl who I found attractive. Anywhere I went if there was a girl I found half way cute I would finagle my way into a conversation with her. Each time I did I wrote what I could of done better, studied it frequently, and overtime I got better at courting females. It just makes sense that eventually after two months I would find a girl that wanted a sip of what I was selling. Each time I got rejected I realize how I easy and easier it got to just move on to the next person. I realized from this past two months that embracing rejection gives one the ability to be uneffected by it, it instills confidence, and it increases activity. After facing rejection so many times it was something that I did not fear anymore. In a way I welcomed it because I knew I wouldnāt let it stop me. Eating rejection for breakfast means to deliberately put yourself in a posistion to be rejected. Do something where the person is likely to say no. This makes one more resilient, more confident, and more willing to go after what they want. Itās easy to half ass this idea and give a half hearted attempt in the act of putting yourself up for rejection but doing so would be missing the point. Putting a sincere effort forth then getting a āNoā in return makes you stronger and more able for the next time. Youāre going to figure out a way you could of went about it better and be on the lookout for the next chance. It becomes a game. People in general take rejection poorly. This causes bad behavior. Upon receiving rejection Iāve seen people do things for short term wins which eventually are the things that lead to the end of relationships altogether. James Comley the originator of this idea was paralyzed by rejection when his wife left him. He receded into himself. But it was when he realized that embracing rejection was the first step to carrying on with his life. Iām putting this idea into practice by just putting myself up for rejection with girls that I come across, Iām still in the act of courting them but if I get rejected by them I carry on. I think this is a beneficial idea because putting it into practice avoids having a stagnant love life, embracing rejection builds self esteem, and it makes one more willing to go for what they want.
Today I learned that I need to do one thing everyday. Starting out last semester I was apprehensive of about taking Calculus 2. I was warned that it a very difficult class and that many students fail on their first attempt. This made take extra caution. I had seen for myself how difficult the class would be by just the first couple of concepts discussed in the beginning lectures. I began looking for ways to increase my ability to learn. I stumbled across a video called How to Learn Anything Fast. The guy in the video talked about how to get good and anything you really just need to put in 40 minutes of focused practice time for 30 days straight. The concept seemed so simple so I put into practice with my Calculus material and the idea beared fruit. I earned a B in my first exam. With doing calculus problems daily for at least 40 minutes I noticed the positives one reaps when they have a daily discipline. For one I noticed it was so much easier to do other coursework and other disciplines when I got my daily discipline out the way. I noticed it was so much easier to be consistent in the long term longterm with other things because I was deliberately consistent in the longterm with one thing. I also found an increased ability to force myself to do what is necessary when the time called for it. One thing that is absolutely required for this idea is a serious commitment. Without a serious commitment to one discipline then there is no way one can reap the benefits of it. Something i didnāt expect to happen when putting ithis dea into practice was how much more order my days seem to have when there was something I would do everyday no matter what. I think this idea is very important because it makes one more action oriented, it develops ones skill to a ever increasing degree, and it also makes one more likely to stay on track in the longterm.
video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtJy69cEOtQ
Today I learned that Everybody wins when Everybodyās honest. I was waiting for the train to come back home from visiting my mom, sister, and brother and felt somebody staring at me. I turned to my right and there was a very attractive girl gradually coming close to me on the escalator where I was standing near. I thought about what to do and I decided to distance myself from the girl. So I stepped away and created some distance from where she would likely stand when she got off the escalator. I turned and looked at her and she looked at her phone but had her body position towards me. I thought about going towards her to say yellow but I decided not too. Eventually the train came and as I walked in her direction to board the train she walked in the opposite of mine to reciprocate the rejection I had served her. I thought about why I had rejected her so immediately. It was simply because I had been rejected not an hour ago from another girl so I wasnāt so willing to try again so soon. Later on that train ride I her the girl I rejected in a casual conversation with the person across from her. From what I heard the conversation ended aprubtly and on bad terms. I had a feeling that the negative energy I delivered to the girl had influence that conversation she had with the person sitting across from her. Later that day I realized that had I been honest with myself and admited that the real reason why I didnāt want to engage with the girl who started off smiling at me was because I feared being rejected twice. Instead of being skeptical as to why she was so inviting to me. That moment taught me that Everybody wins when Everybody is honest. Meaning that being honest with oneself not only benefits you but also the people around you. Pushing yourself to reveal the truth in your own mind makes it easier for others to do the same. Lies easily take root and they grow fast. By practicing honesty for ones sake and the sake of others lies in your vicinity are less stronger because you donāt partake in them. With practicing honesty you see people pickup lies that you know they know are wrong. You see them aim down with amusement. This caused me to loose hope for these particular people. This caused me to be temporarily against particular types of people. But to loose hope in another person would mean to one day eventually loose hope in myself. It seems that since āEverybody wins when Everybody is honestā this means āEverybody looses when Everybody is dishonestā. Widespread dishonesty breaks up all types of human relationships. Dishonesty breaks up familyās. Dishonesty breaks up friendships. Dishonesty can even ruin the most productive working environment. This is the case because dishonesty tends to steer things in the negative. And it usually does this fast.
Today I learned that I should focus on being fair more than being liked. I was at my schools bookstore hoping to return a book I had rented for the semester. I didnāt know whether or not I would pass the class but I wanted to make sure I avoided the $185 fee, had I not return the book. I handed the book to the guy behind the counter. He took a look at it and said he needed to show the manager because their appeared to be water damage. I calmly said okay because the book seemed fine to me. The manager came out and presented my book with a ripped spine and said that they could not accept my return. I immediately refused that the damage of the bookās spine was my own fault because it wasnāt. She said okay but then said she could not accept my book because of the water damage. I was angry because this meant that I had to pay $185 for the book on top of the $125 I spent renting the book. I argue with lady about how obsurd the circumstances where but she didnāt budge. Even though water damage was minimal. I said I would weigh other options and took the book with me. After thinking about the situation I had to accept that the water was my fault so I had to buy the book. I reasoned that I could just sell the book online and recoup some of my money. But the ripped spine was not my fault so they would have to fix that. After returning the next morning I debated my case persistently. I did so respectfully, tactfully, but in a way where it wasnāt about me or her it was about what is right and what is wrong. Eventually the lady took the book from me and returned, stating that she would just write it off. I said thank you and left. āFocus Iām being fair more than being rightā means to do what I think is honestly the right thing. It means seperating my feelings for the other person. It means disregard if whether or not the person will like me or not afterwards. I like this idea because it encourages people to rely on you. Putting this idea into practice makes one trustworthy. Putting this idea into practice makes it easy for people to deal with you because they know if they play fair you will play fair. This idea does require extra effort to apply. A lot of things arenāt black and white. A lot of things need to be seen from both sides. One has to stop and think about what is the fair thing to do. One also has to be prepared to be the bad guy to illustrate a point, to discipline poor behavior. One also has to accept that the majority wonāt favor. People forget that actions have consequences when you remind them of that they get angry at you. One thing to note about this idea is that sometimes you have to apply sympathy. Sometimes a person does the wrong thing. The option to leave them out in the cold is tempting it would be best to remember when you were in their shoes. When you made the same mistakes. Your not doing this so that they like you, your doing it because if the roles were reversed you would want to be shown mercy. Focus on being fair than being liked itās freeing and a better long term approach to dealing with people.
Today I learned about rewriting the reasons. Last Sunday I got up and I just stayed in bed. And went on a YouTube binge. I found myself aimlessly watching videos I really wasnāt even interested in. I knew I had to cook for the new week and get to the library to do some homework but I just wasnāt feeling like it. I had a sense of stagnation that stemmed from my boredom with being in school. Last semester I was motivated and disciplined. Though this semester I was over it. I felt weak siting there last Sunday willfully distracting myself. I got up and made some food but I still couldnāt find the motivation to leave for the library. It was only after sitting there for awhile did I realize that I had to revisit the reason why I was in college. I had wrote out a reason of why I was in college when I wasnāt feeling so motivated last week. I grabbed my notebook and read it over and over again and I found myself back in the zone to get up and keep plugging away with my studies. Later on I found out that taking the time to routinely ask myself things like āWhy am I in college?ā and jotting down at least six reasons even if their the same from the last time is beneficial. Iāve found that this practice gives one a sense of purpose. It gives one a sense of fufillment. When I wrote down the reasons why I was in college I realized it was more than about getting grades and a diploma. It was about correcting a mistake I made my first try at college. It was about being a better person than I was. It was about so many more meaningful things that just passing a class and moving on to the next semester. Iāve realized now that meaningful things are easy to forget. This idea does have its downside though. Iāve notice how I now have more of tendency to see things as a means to an end. With putting this idea into practice I can get into the bad habit of overlooking the beauty of the day because Iām so focused on the vision in my head. I guess I have to be mindful about being present and simultaneously being longterm focused. Another thing to add is when putting this idea into practice you see the real reason why your doing something. The not so pretty reason. The reason that your kind of ashamed about mentioning to other people. That silient though still embarrassing moment is an opportunity to address an issue before it grows into something larger. Before Iāll do anything big or repetitious now Iāll take a couple minutes and ask myself āWhy?ā
Today I learned about minimalism. As I was setting goals for the day I noticed a difference. When I sat down and set goals for Monday through Saturdaymy goals were more concise. This made them more effective. But being so tied up with other stuff this week I could only set goals a day at a time. I noticed my list for each day was jammed packed. This resulted in my days being less effective in the overall. I realized that because I was focused on the day I stuffed as much as I could onto my list because I felt that is what is necessary to continue the positive direction of my life. But it became obvious that solely focusing on the day itself caused me to squeeze the day far to hard. I had to take a step back and evaluate which goals were most important in order to subtract the ones that were of less significance. This moment reminded me of the minimalism philosophy. I found out about this way of thinking from the documentary named āMinimalismā. From the parts I watched of the documentary I learned about how the philosophy itself is based on focusing more on what is most important to you and substracting what is least important to you. The philosophy flys in the face of consumerism. This idea resonated with me because it seems to be exemplified by people I admire. People like Steve Jobs, Kanye West, and Steven Spielberg. These people seem to produce a few number of high quality products. Rather than a larger number of poor quality products. Only fools are impressed by mediocrity. I really respect people that put there all into whatever they do. Being someone like that is difficult because it requires actually being willing to fail. The thing that is difficult with this idea is that it requires constant practice. Things accumulate over time naturally. One had to be standing at the ready to guard whatās most important. Iām finding that the world will always whisper in your ear to have more. But instead of having more I should focus on having more of whatās most important to me and less of what isnāt.
Today I learned itās best to speak softly. Starting out this semester I was looking forward to correcting my social behavior. I honestly had stopped applying the majority of what I learned from How to Win Friends and Influence People because I found was overdoing it at times. I felt I was becoming corporate so I laid off on studying my notes from the book. But I still made the effort to develop my social behavior with the mistakes that I had made and the things that I had cherry picked from the book. Though even still I was making the same social errors I had made for years. I found myself being belligerent, challenging multiple people to fights, and not being respectful to others. I really noticed that I had still not corrected my social behavior when I would walk into different classrooms and people would have these fake smiles covering uncomfortable terror. Thatās when I knew that I still hadnāt changed. It was unfortunate to realize this because I was working on my social behavior. I was practicing being quiet, being empathetic, and being stern. But still I hadnāt done enough. After observing two people in my class who seem to get along well with everybody. I noticed that these people spoke gently. I then compared to recent incidents in where I was dealing with other males. In one incident I was confrontational and aggressive and only received back the same energy. In the other incident I was measured and spoke softly and received the same energy. I also applied this way of communicating in the class where I was infamous for being belligerent and I found that after realizing that I would treat others in a calm and gentle manner other people would go out of their way to respect me. It was a win for everybody. I am had turned aggressive and willing to fight as a defense mechanism towards bullying. But Iāve found that this behavior only isolated you. It makes people uncomfortable towards you because they notice that your willing to fight at the drop of a hat. Thatās a good reason to back away from somebody. It took me awhile to realize that there are only a few things worth fist fighting about. You know them when you see them. Through applying emotional control you can brush most things off. Itās also in the preparing to fight before moments of confrontation even occur that gives you the calm mind to think about if itās even worth fighting over. Speaking softly, to me, means to talk to people in a calm, loving, and low voice. I believe this is a good idea because it starts the interaction in a good in a good direction. People may see this has a sign of weakness and take advantage of that but just brush it off. Itās easier said than done but it is worth the effort.
Today I learned that itās a marathon. I took a test for my Discrete Structures class and I was looking forward to seeing how I did. I was sure that I did alright because in the middle of the test the professor ordered us to use our books after seeing the unsure look on our faces. So I got my test back and I fluncked that test as hard as possible. I was distraught by this grade because I knew exactly what I didnāt do to do well. I was well aware of all the days I could of studied or went to office hours. I had more than enough time to prepare with all the snow days weāve been having but I still did poorly. So after being upset for a little while I realized that one quiz didnāt determine or not whether I was going to get the intended grade I wanted for this class. My overall performance is what would determine if I got the grade I wanted. I realized that itās very rare that one single act makes a key difference. The idea āitās a marathonā asserts that one should pull themselves out of the present and look at things in the longterm perspective. The idea asserts that one should sacrifice the present for the future. I believe this is a positive idea because it reduces the weight of the day. Losses in the day doesnāt mean that the game is over. Though wins in the day doesnāt mean that the score is settled. The negative of this idea is that requires effort to constant step back and look at things in the longterm. Human beings by default are oriented in the here and now. One has to fundamentally switch their psychology to see things in this way. It requires discipline, patience, and grit. One thing to add is that I shouldnāt beat myself up when things donāt go as planned. Donāt focus so much on on one lost that you can overlook the opportunities that are throwing themselves at you. The goal is to be better than yesterday. That is a goal that is always achievable. I love this idea because it means that for the most part you always have a chance to turn it all around. Something I hate about this idea is that hardly anything is set in stone. A perfect example of this idea from my personal experience is that logic class from last semester. My performance starting out was horrible. But I decided that I was gonna pass that class and I did everything I could think of to do so. So, Della, make it a habit to look at things in the longterm.
After hearing about a tragic situation that has occur to someone in my family I was incredibly distraught. I found myself in agonizing pain. I found myself plunging into my vices. It was only in the aftermath of my downward spiral did I realize that the person whom I was thinking so much of wouldnāt want me to be handling the situation this way. The person would look to me as a pillar of strength. As someone he could lean on. It dawned upon me that I had to be strong for him during this injustice moment in his life. Being strong for them means to call all the strength I have available into continuing the direction I am going during this trying period. This is a positive idea because me being strong enough to stomach this situation makes it easier for everyone else in my family to do the same. It also makes the entire family as tough as it can be. The down side about this idea is that it can be taken too far. One can become a brute and find themselves insensitive to the delicate feelings of others. When putting this idea in to practice I have to be mindful of that. An interesting thing to add is that people are able to do remarkable things for other people. Who knows why this is the case. This idea truly taught me that I can use the love I have for my family as a source of strength. This idea also taught me that Iām not the most important thing to myself. As I pulled all the strength inside me to do what was necessary Iāve found that this can be done when I accepted that I had to Be Strong for them.
Today I learned about this idea of being the most responsive to change. I got the idea from an interpretation of Charles Darwinās Theory of Evolution. From my understanding this idea means to anticipate change, learn from past experience, learn from other peopleās experiences, then plan ahead and adjust my plan a bit when my boots are on the ground. A major positive about this idea is that it increases effectiveness. No matter how good a personās plan is there will always be blind spots. There will always be things that werenāt thought about or unpredictable variables. Making a habit to adjust oneās plan a bit with the more data they have being further in the future increases the chances that one will get the desired outcome. This idea makes one less likely to be manipulated. When one is anticipating change they are in the best position to retaliate. To take an objective look at what is being presented to them and how it is being presented. A drawback about this idea is that it increases oneās likeliness to react too quickly. In relationships, career success, and investing acting on impulse leads to negative effects. To be truly responsive to change one has to invest the time and energy to make an even better decision than prior. Itās difficult to do that when one is in the thick of things but a habit of doing this can make one extremely valuable. It is so rare to do this. This default thing that we as humans are programmed to do is to believe that trying harder will get the job done. Iāve learned that itās not that simple. One has to constantly take in data. Another thing I can add to this idea is that there are predators and there are preys. A person can be a prey and then at some later point in time become a predator. Anticipating this change in behavior will save one irritation. I really like this idea because it makes one more present in the here and now. I personally have a tendency to have my head in the clouds. This idea grounds a person. One thing that is tough to accept about this idea is that it proves that it really doesnāt matter how strong or how smart you are it matters on what you do. I find myself enjoying learning new ideas and sometimes loose focus on why Iām investing so much time learning. The reason why Iām investing so much time gathering new information is to make better decisions. To have better activity. To have better results.
Today I learned about delaying gratification. Came across this idea from a Jordan Peterson video. The title of the video was āThe successful among us delay gratification.ā In this video Peterson explained how for centuries people bargained with the future for their ideal merely by temporarily sacrificing things that they value. This isnāt a new crazy idea Iām coming across for the first time. But for some reason the phrase itself ādelay gratificationā resonate with me more than the word āsacrifice.ā Maybe becuase the former is more modern. I beleive delaying gratification is a good idea because it measures oneās desire for something. Itās remarkably easy for me to say that I want something but itās a bit harder for me to identify what Iām willing to give in return. Iāve found that when one is determined towards something sacrificing time, energy, and resources is a no brainer. A negative of this idea is that itās tough to give up something you value. Especially when you bet all your chips on that thing for years. Another negative of this idea is that it isnāt the only thing thatās required. One still has to act during the delay process. This idea reminds me of the importance of stress tolerance. When things get tough the option of just walking away is so alluring. But the more stress a person can tolerate the deeper they are able to dig within themselves. One thing I love about this idea is that anybody could do it immediately. Thereās something everybody could hold out on for a little longer. Iāve found holding out and being patient builds equity. The thing I donāt like about this idea is that it requires ongoing discipline. Of course their are resting periods but delaying gratification seems to be thing that out be adopted as a way of life.
Today I learned how you play the game is more important. I was scrolling down my Instagram feed and I was shocked when I found out from the CNBC page that Jeff Bezos and his wife were divorcing. This struck out to me and Iām sure others because Jeff Bezos seemed like the man who could do it all. Becoming aware of the couples divorce taught me something. It taught me that nobody is perfect. It taught me that no matter how much success you have your gonna have Lās under your belt. Most importantly it taught me that how you play the game matter more. This is an idea that is incredibly freeing when you think about it. I havenāt been getting along as much with my coworkers as Iād like. All the time and energy I spent listening to āHow to Win Friends and Influence Peopleā isnāt being put to full use because Iāve notice that even with my improved behavior Iām still getting negativity. With being exposed to this idea it makes me realize that I should stop chasing perfection. I should do everything in my power to become all I could be but To expect perfection is juvenile. The negatives of this idea is that people are more likely to take advantage of you when they see your always gonna do the proactive thing. This bothers me still. It really ruins my morale in a lot of ways. But itās just the way it is. A lot of times to be good means to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable sucks when you realize someone was banking on it. But to stop being good or doing good for fear of being vulnerable would be an unforgivable waste. An interesting thing about this idea is that when you focus on How you play and you know Why your playing your probably gonna do better than you would have otherwise. Why? Because your more present. Your in the moment and have an idea of what you want to happen but all your senses are put forth towards the now. Something I love about this idea is that it makes you more mature. You realize that things arenāt perfect, but that doesnāt matter to you. What matters to you the most is what you do knowing that things arenāt perfect. One thing I hate about this idea is that it requires so much strength to carry out. But strong people are what keep this country moving forward.
Today I learned I have to figure out my formula. Figuring out my formula means to identify the steps that lead to a previous result that I wanted. By simply writing out the actions I took in the past that gave me the outcome I wanted Iāll be able to increase the liklihood of me continuing to succeed. I feel this is an excellent idea because Iāve realized that I have an inclination to drift off the proven path. My best guess is a fear of success. Imagining that I actually get the things that I want gives me a sense of nervousness for the pressure that that brings. Especially when other people see that Iām moving forward. Gaining what I want and then loosing it all would be painful. But thatās no excuse to excell. Thatās no excuse to not become all I can be. A man who shys away from achieving what he wants based on the fear of success isnāt going to live much of a life. A man who acts in that manner isnāt going to contribute much. Writing out the actions that has brought me success Is going to help me stay the course and gain more success. A negative I see with this idea is that it makes the process of achieving something a bit monotonous. But that monotonous is what fosters the effectiveness. The day in day out discpline is what yields the desired outcome. Sn interesting thing to add is that everybodyās forumula is different. What works for somebody else may not work for me. Who knows why itās like this but it just is. But this means that something works for everybody itās just oneās job to find out what it is. One thing I love about this idea is that it makes things more measurable. When I donāt get the result I want I can just refer back to the formula and look for the error that I made. One thing that worries me about this idea is that it increases oneās tendency to become rigid and unwilling to experiment. Thatās something I have to be watchful about because through trying things that Iām not sure will work is how more information can be gathered.
Today I learned I have to find my center and stay there. I came across this idea in a book that Iām reading. When I mean find my center I mean holding firm to my reasons. I mean anticipating the unexpected. It means taking myself seriously because I know I have it in me to get the job done. It means to stay in control. The major reason why I got so frustrated with developing my app is because I got off centered. I forgot why I started the project in the first place. I started to beleive that I wasnāt capable of learning how to make an app and surely enough that belief manifested itself into my frustration and poor performance. I beleive finding oneās center and maintaining it is a good idea because it puts one in the best posistion to push past resistance. The negatives of this idea is that one can take it too far by taking themselves too seriously. By always being on guard and always looking at things critically one is likely to overlook at how simple most things are. One is likely to look for the negatives. And push away the good. Like all things it has to be balanced. I found myself off centered when I was considering making this podcast private. I grew to become uncomfortable with how I share my struggles publically. As I increased my social intelligence i grew nervous about what my listers and peers were thinking of me. But after texting some friends about it and writing out the pros and cons it became obvious that the best decision would be to keep this podcast public. Being centered is going to give one a higher amount of strength.
Today I Learned itās tough to be honest with yourself. I was working on my app and came to a conclusion that this is not what I wanted to be doing. I started working on my idea for an app because I wanted to ensure when it was time to graduate and look for a job I would be well equipped to hold my own in interviews. Then the thought came to mind as to if Iām going to work on this app I might as well work on it with the intent to actually make an app that people use. But when I thought about how it would then really take years to build a sustainable business I got the strong inclination to do music again. Today I then spent my time working on music. I keep oscillating between working on music and not working on music. Itās interesting. Something I was so bullish on is now something that causes apprehension. My plan was to do school. Then in breaks like these work on my app to actually get hands on practice. This would for sure increase my chances of getting a job and making my time spent in college so so worth it. A logical plan. A plan that would take 2 1/2 years to follow through with it. I still beleive in this plan. Itās just that I let myself get so frustrated with the difficulty. Software development is very tricky. I think I used making music as a safety net becuase itās something Iām so familiar with. But using these breaks to make music wouldnāt be the best economic use of my time. Sure the possibility that I make a hit record is always there. But itās so so rare that that would happen. What is more likely is that I build a bit of a fan base that I would slowly loose after the breaks would be over. What sense would it make to use these breaks to make music. Then come graduation time I am unable to get a job because my resume just looks like all the other peopleās. Creating an app will didtinguish me amoungst the masses because creating an app is difficult and takes a high amount of organization skills. The reason I am creating an app is to standout when itās time to apply for jobs. Not to start a business. Remember Della, sacrifice is what moved you forward. Choosing one thing over the other and not choosing booth. Write down the plan and stick to it. Itās tough but it is worth it.
Today I learned about the flywheel effect. I came across this idea watching a BBC documentary of Amazon. Amazon cites this idea as how it continues to grow. Developed by Jim Collins in Good to Great. The idea is basically a methaphor for the turning of a massive metal disk mounted horizontally on an axile. In order to get the flywheel rotating for as fast and as long as possible one would have to incessantly push with great effort. The results of the first number of pushes would be minimal since the flywheel to so giant and so heavy. But after a hundred or so pushes results begin to show. Then eventually momentum takes full swing and it becomes easier and easier to push. Suddenly a breakthrough occurs and the flywheel is seemingly spinning itself. In the documentary about Amazon, the narrortor explains how when a customer is pleased with their purchase at Amazon they tend to make another purchase and also tell their friends. This increases demand for Amazon which allows them to offer more products at lower prices, which then attracts even more customers. This cycle builds incredible momentum which can be seen by the sheer size of Amazon. I like this idea because it basically says start small and push as hard as you can. From what I understand of this idea, itās not a single key event that makes the difference itās the overall effort that makes the difference. That gives me a sense of relief because of now and then there are going to be screw ups. No matter how diligent you are mistakes are going to be made and bad days will occur. But according to this idea itās about the accumulated effort applied in constant emotion. This gives reason to believe why focusing on one thing is so important. Starting and stopping kills momentum. Changing direction because I feel that doing something else would be easier is really just trying to skip the buildup stage. I like this idea the most because it speaks to discipline and patience. Two things that Iāve been working on in my own character. With discipline and patience miracles can happen. This idea reminds me of a biblical verse that Jordan Peterson rephrased. Peterson paraphrases āTo those who have everything, more will be given. And from those who have nothing everything will be taken away.ā This idea kinda proves that. The more effort one puts in eventually the effort compounds upon itself and the return seems to be disproportionate. But with every failure, with every half-hearted attempt the āflywheelā seems to turn slower and slower. This idea makes me want to focus on the smallest parts possible and stack little wins. Becuase according to this author itās never a single event that makes the difference.
Today I learned about the idea of trying to honestly see things from the other personās POV. I was blessed with coming across this idea from reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. Trying honestly to see things from the other person point of view has three components in my opinion. It means to take my personal feelings and biases out of the equation. It means to look for the positive intent from the other person. It also means to estimate their wants/needs and their most likely response to my actions. This is something I rarely did. I was 100% sold on the idea of donāt care what people think. This caused me to not put in much effort into understanding why I wasnāt getting along with people. Allowing myself to not even try to understand people have me the freedom of living in my own world. I was free. At least thatās what I thought. I was the king of an empty castle. With this idea if honestly trying to see things from the other personās POV Iāve found that there are three benefits. The benefits being: one breaks out of the default self-centered mindset. One develops more of an understanding of the other person. Also, in putting this idea in practice the likelihood to get along better with others increases. Being self-centered is the default. Iāve found that in myself and in the majority. It just makes sense why this would be the case. Oneās self is their most significant possession. Oneās individuality means more to them than most other things. Being self-centered has its drawbacks though. The most debilitating is that it puts a cap on learning. Those who are more interested in themselves than the world around them wonāt set out to seek more understanding on the exterior. The same for intrapersonal relationships. When one is more interested in themselves than the other person both parties known. Resentment accrues the more and more conversations are lopsided. Eventually the other person is going to get fed up. This idea when put into practice will help me get along with others. Seeing things from their POV will allow me to make the best decision in response to their actions. The negatives of this idea are that one might discover a painful truth, one might discover their own selfishness and inconsistencies, and lastly that it is more difficult and requires thoughtfulness to put oneās self in the other personās shoes. Finding a painful truth can take its toll. Finding a painful truth removes the peaceful bliss of ignorance. But finding a painful truth is sobering and allows one to make the best decision. In trying to see from the other personās POV one might find fault in their own identify. One might discover there own shortcomings. This is good in my opinion because upon discovering them they can be corrected. Taking that extra step to see things from another personās POV requires extra time and extra energy. It can be difficult to expend these assets after a long day. But in my opinion itās so worth it. Both parties benefit. An interesting thing about this idea is that it allows one to see past people bullshit. Iām taking the extra step to see things from the other personās POV you realize when people are lying more than if you hadnāt. You realize when people are trying to get over on you. You recognize when people act out because they donāt feel comfortable with themselves. That is something will save a person a lifetime of anguish.
Today I Learned that I have to let people sell themselves. When I say let people sell themselves I mean allow people to make their decisions on whether or not they will buy into me or buy my products or services. I'm working on ridding myself of the habit of going where I'm not wanted. I'm working on ridding myself of the habit of forcing myself on people. Those are habits based on desperation. Letting people sell themselves means to walk away respectively if you don't feel your getting what your giving. Letting people sell themselves means to put all the work you can behind the scenes. That means working on myself, product, or service more than than promoting more than complaining. I love this idea because it encourages focus on one's own development. Another benefit to this idea is that it emphasizes respect for the other person's decision. Nothing is perfect. Everything could use a little tightening up. If someone doesn't like you they probably have a not so crazy reason why. If people aren't buying my products or services there is a product or service they are buying and all I have to do is find out the difference. One last thing I like about this idea is that it is more effective in the long term. It is easy to change somebody's mind in their presence but when you walk away they will start to reason with themselves whether or not they want to agree to your plans. One thing that could get annoying about this idea is that it's easy to get frustrated when no one is buying. In a situation like that one could loose moral. But remembering that human potential is an extraordinary gift will get one out of their rut. Drawback to this idea of letting people sell themselves is that it takes time. People are weary of accepting new things into their life. It can get annoying when you have the best intentions and find yourself being scrutinized. But patience and confidence in one's ability to improve makes time a powerful asset. Though this idea discredits marketing/promotion it is important to cleverly tell people all the good of what your selling. Through the work you'll show them. But in my opinion figuring out clever ways to communicate what good it would do if one buys into you or your products or service isn't necessary promoting but really branding. I love this idea. It's help me confirm the decision I made to be okay when people try to feed me the scraps. When they do that I can see that they don't really respect me but that is okay. It just means that I have to walk away and that I have to work more on myself.
Today I learned I have to make the tough decisions. Iāve noticed a pattern in my life were Iāll be having the same issues with people throughout years. Itās always the same cycle. Itās was unfortunate when I came to the realization that I canāt expect people to change for me. But it was liberating when I realized that the person I could rely on to change for me is myself. This gave strength to push harder and be more disciplined than I ever was. But for a long time I had the unwillingness to make a tough decision. Specially decision were I would hurt someoneās elseās feelings. I hated how I felt when I felt marginalized by others. For me to inflict that on someone else would make me an oppressor in my eyes. But Iāve finally come to understand that no matter what tough decisions have to be made. Thereās no way around them. Iāve found that the best way to make a tough decision is to simply write out the pros and cons of the situation then drawn my own conclusion based on my critical analysis. Upon deciding on the conclusion I have to then stick to it for the foreseeable future. In making tough decisions Iāve found that one thinks for themself, takes full responsibility for the decision, and in the mere act of seriously deciding one makes a higher quality decision. Writing out pros and cons of a potential line of action exercises oneās cognitive reasoning skills. The majority wonāt do this because it takes pushing past work. But in my opinion itās worth it becuase thinking for yourself makes you more of asset. It makes you a leader. One who sincerely makes a tough decision accepts full responsibility. Through making the painstaking effort to draw the best conclusion some peace of mind can be found in the decision. With doing so the consequence for the well throughout decision can be maturely accepted. Making the tough decisions in a sincere thoughfut way leads to better decisions. The negatives of making a tough decision is hurting somebody, being dead wrong, and being solely to blame. A lot of times in making a tough decision you have to side up with somebody and side up against somebody else. A lot of times the person you have to side up with is yourself and the other person is somebody you love. This can cause inflammatory conflict. When making a tough decision you run the risk of being dead wrong because there will always be unknown variables. There will always be a possibility that your actions were incorrect. Another reason why making a tough decision is difficult is because there is no one to blame. Your solely responsible. Whatever the consequences are you have to accept them. Thatās just the way it is. But it is best to make the tough decisions. You can do so with love in your heart and avoid having someone else do it for you with contempt in their heart.
Today I learned I have to mine people for gold. Two weeks ago I took a test that I got a 65% on. I was upset with this grade because I i studied so very hard. After feeling bummed about the grade I sat down and got out my journal and asked myself āWhat did I learn?ā I came up with a lot of insightful answers. One of them being that I needed to Team Up! I realized that virtually all my studying and practicing had been alone. Through reading How to Win Friends and Influence People Iāve come to understand that making a habit of working by myself will cost me a fortune. So I made the effort to organize a study group for the next test. Through doing this I found the benefits of working with people or what I like to call Mining People for Gold. In carrying out this idea I found that the proper way to get people to share their their good with you is to make them feel important, Fred them, share with them all my best and relevent information, and be straightforward with them. The benefits are that one profits from other peopleās succcess and failures, one learns alternative methods to solving a shared problem, and one increases their chances of achieving their goal by working in a team. One benefits from another personās personal experience because people see things differently. Some are better at seeing the grand scheme of things. Some are better at seeing the finer detail. What one can see another may not. In teaming up each personās sight expands because with what one can see they can bring it to the attention of their teammates. Learning alternative methods to solving a problem is important because to makes one more capable and creative. This helps with solving similar problems down the road. Mining people for gold increases chances of achieving the goal because group effort is more powerful than individual effort. A group of smart and hard working people is more effective than one smart and hardworking person. The negatives of this idea of Mining People for Gold is that an individual most sacrifice resources like time and money to be valuable to a group. Another negative of this idea is that one could say that this notion of Mining People for Gold reduces the value of people to tools. One last negative of this idea is that with carrying it out some will be suspicious of you. Sacrificing resources to be a valuable member of a group of people who just as smart and just as hardworking as you is in my opinion an investment towards increasing the liklihood if achieving the end goal. The notion that Mining People for Gold is false because Inorder to get a person to share with you their good they have to feel like they have been treated with respect. They have to feel that they benefited from interacting with you and they have to feel that you are being honest with them. It doesnāt matter if some are suspicious of me when they see me carrying out this idea because there are no consequence when I donāt receive gold from a person. I could come out of my pocket for snacks, treat each member with respect, and share all my best ideas and still be okay with not receiving anything from them. I will have increased my ability in Mining People for Gold and thatās a profit itself. Mine People for Gold.
Today I learned I have to aggressively expand my capacity. Aggressively expanding my capacity means to me is to apply energy, emotion, and time into improving oneself. Aggressively expanding my capacity also means to me is to do things Iām not sure I could do. I think this is a good idea because expanding oneās capacity makes one more valuable, it shows one their true unlimited potential, and it is a constructive way to channel aggression. I put this idea into practice by recently passing out snacks to my Calculus class at the end of the semester. Apart of the reason how I got on the good side of my coworkers was simply buying them a pack of water. It cost me 4 dollars at most but helped saved me irritation. In this calculus class I acted in ways I wouldnāt do so again after reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. I was belligerent and obnoxious that behavior embarrasses me. The idea came to mind to buy my classmates each a Nature Valley granola bar as a way to apologize for my former poor social behavior. But I would have to push past the barrier of resistance. The barrier would be based upon shyness from having to look each classmate in the eye and humbly ask them if they would want my gift. The idea of channeling my aggression into my personal development came to mind and I was able to go about with giving each who wanted a simple granola bar. Making amends for my poor social behavior, the best I could. Two other ways I put this idea into practice is by increasing my output of podcast from last week and also forcing myself to follow through with working on my idea for an app. Aggressively expanding oneās capacity makes one unpredicatacle, it ensures the worst part of a person is kept dormant, and it also emphasizes self reliance. A person who expands their compacity develops a wide range of character which is hard to peg. A person who aggressively expands their capacity becomes more of what they are as time goes on instead of less. Lastly a person who aggressively expands their capacity chooses to improve themself rather than complain and protest about how things should be better. One could argue that moving isnāt simply based on working on oneself. Their are exterior barriers one could face like classism, racism, heightism, or ostracism. Though these barriers are very present two things come to mind in spite of them. One being how grand and diverse the marketplace is. A quality or trait that that a person could be prejudice towards could be the same quality or trait that another would prefer. The other being how vast and mysterious human potential is. All of us could work on a skill and over time find ourself more capabable in that skill than we started. One could continually do so and eventually that capability would yield more leverage in the marketplace. That leverage would be based upon being in high demand for an above average skill set. The negative to aggressively expanding my capacity is causing irritation to my peers. When one constantly exceeds themselves they indirectly exceed others. This births contempt in the majority of oneās peers no matter what they say. But the net positive makes it worth it. The upside is a better life and a deeper sense of fulfillment.
I was watching a video of Russ giving a talk about his career at a Forbes 30 under 30 conference. As I was watching this video something struck out to me. Russ was explaining how when he first started making beats he was trash. When he put out songs they flopped. He proudly recounted going from failure to failure in his career. Him talking about his blunders got my attention in particular. No matter what Seeing a person who has succeeded talk about times when they were failures will always captivate me. The duality of how one becomes a winner or loser will always have my attention. He went on to explain how he was able to go from failure to failure without loosing enthusiasm. Because he held his enthusiasm he was able to confidently focus on improving. He was able to improve his skill set more so than somebody who is in the negative becuase he/she is upset by things not occurring quickly. Things take time. Jeff Bezos said heās noticed all overnight successes take 10 years. Thatās exactly how long it took Russ to get to where he is today. The confidence in oneās own ability to improve is exactly what is needed to be patient for 10 years with no results. It getās difficult when the time is passing by and your look around and your not where you thought you would be at the age your at. Thoughts of quiting and taking the more conventional route start to rise. It takes fortitude to bet on yourself. To have solid confidence in youāre own ability. Thatās something that I need to develop more of. This idea of having solid belief that you will improve is why I think learning is so important. Learning makes time more of an asset. Consistently learning adds depth to oneās experience. I realized that when I had improved my people skills. Iāve always had trouble getting along with groups of people. Ever since I was a kid I was always ganged up against. What I did when I was 22 from then one on was just cultivate a character strong enough to stand up and physically fight. Only three weeks ago did I notice that when you challenge someone to a fight and they deffer that person only gets more clever in expressing their contempt towards you. I also noticed that my inability to get along with people in will negatively impact my career. So I decided to listen and take notes from the audiobook How to Win Friends and Influence People. Because I put into practice the idea of Being Confident in my Ability to Improve I pushed harder in developing my people skills than I ever did. Because I knew the ability was their I used it. I came into work with a smile, a gift for everybody, and a more people friendly attitude. All while I was at work I made consistent effort in getting along with my coworkers. And thatās exactly what happened. All this occurred becuase I was confident in the fact that I had an ability to improve what ever skill I choose. Because I did that I know everybody has that capacity.
Russ at Forbes 30 under 30 Conference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c60vF2ttR4Q
Today I learned I have to get the most out of a few things. For whatever reason the idea came to mind that I should name and number all the things that Iām doing to attract the type of girl that I want. When I wrote down all those things down I instantly knew that I didnāt go full throttle on any of those things. Even though there they were daily disciplines I practiced that would make anyone more attractive if they did them I knew that I wasnāt getting the most out of any them. I would do about 80% to 75% on two out of three of those things but never a full 100% on one! I wondered why this was? This seems to be a common problem in my life. I tend to overestimate what I can do with my resources and time. I think it stems from my over enthusiasm. From all the information Iāve been taking in it has become obvious that a human being can climb as far as in the hierachal system as they want. I kinda always knew this but I never solidify the idea. It was upon discovering that President Abraham Lincoln was once a grocery store clerk I was blown away. I was astonished because I was once a grocery store clerk and in a lot of ways still am. But through self education was able to transcend his starting point. Thatās exactly what Iām in the process of doing as well. So since itās so obvious to me that a person can go as far as they want to go it makes me nervous. It holds me fully accountable for whatever I achieved. It makes me fear mediocrity even more. Thatās why Iām frantically adding one discipline after the other. Because Iāve seen the success in my own life when you stay disciplined for a long period of time. But adding one after the other lessens the effectiveness of the prior. The energy and concentration that could have been applied to one is slips between three. Thus decreasing the end goal of of the displine. So I believe Iāve been getting lukewarm results because of my lukewarm efforts. Iāve come to learn that benefits of most things are disproportionately at the tail end. Probably this because of the law of compound effect. Effort grows on top of effort and it just becomes easier to scale. So Iāve realized that Iāve been building my attractiveness in the wrong. Iāve been building and thatās wonderful and Iāve actually been seeing the benefits of my efforts. But I can build it better. Right now itās on wobbly foundation. What Iāll do is Iāll start over and do one thing at a time with 100% effort. When I receive the tail end benefits of one discipline Iāll move on to the other. Thatās what Iām gonna do.
Today I learned I have to give unconditional love. Iāve noticed a pattern that happens when I proceed in courting a girl. Everything will be going great for the first week. Conversations are great, the excitement is high, and the relationship looks like itās going to be very fruitful. But then suddenly out of nowhere the girl grows contemptuous towards me. Sheāll act with complete disinterest towards me. The girl who not just a few days ago was the apple of my eye will purposefully do things to evoke a negative emotion from me. Seeing this pattern occur over and over again it frustrated me a lot. I felt it was unwarranted. I felt it was childish. Seeing this pattern occur over and over again discouraged me from meeting my goal of finding the right girl for me. But it dawned upon me that there had to be some sort of solution to this problem. There was a reason I kept facing up against it. I wondered what that reason may be? As far as I can tell I think girls put up these sudden emotional barriers to save themselves from potential heartbreaks. I think that they do this with the half hope that you will somehow figure out a way pass their guarded heart. I beleive this because women in general are not as resilient as men. A guy could go throw a heart break, feel wrecked, and eventually dig himself out of the pit and decide to love again. Though itās common for women to go through heartbreak and be forever cynical towards the opposite sex. Itās cliche, but it is astounding how this plays out in reality. Itās astounding how this trickles down from mother to daughter. Itās more interesting how this cynical feeling towards men in the hearts of single mothers creates an underlying tension between single mother and fatherless son. Itās unfortunate. One manās poor decisions negatively effects his woman and children. Something to think about. I think this is why I keep coming up against this sudden emotional barrier. The last girls I made fair attempts at courting did not have good relationships with their fathers. I learned that from their actions, way of dress, and from their lips. It seems as though theyāve been let down by a man before so why let it happen again? The solutions that come to mind is to give unconditional love. Give strong, unwavering, truthful love. Give the type of never ending love that a father would give to his only daughter. It sounds easy but it is harder than one would think. In my experience in attempting to give unconditional love you get stinged. You get toyed with, you get made a fool. It is discouraging to say the least particularly when you have the purest intentions. On my first attempts I said forget it. But after awhile I realized two things. I realized that giving unconditional is a discipline. Itās a muscle that if it isnāt constantly exercised it will be weak and unable to be utilized, especially in times when it is needed the most. The second thing I realized was that unconditional love is the rarest form of love there is. Thatās no surprise. The level of difficulty it is to be somebody who loves no matter is something that has to be decided. The vast majority donāt really make that decision. But the funny thing is unconditional love is what everybody wants but yet only a few people actually give. I at first doubted that I could be somebody who could give unconditional love. But then I detached from myself and asked āCould my son be someone who loves unconditionally?ā and the reply was instant āYes, because he can do anything he puts his mind too. Heās that type of kid.ā So thatās what Iām going to do. Easily the most difficult thing Iāve ever done. I have to practice acts of unconditional love on a daily basis so when moments call for it Iāll be prepared. This means being stung, rejected, toyed with, and ridiculed on a consistent basis. But I think with time the receiver of that unconditional love will feel its sincerity. Will feel its warmth.
Today I learned that goals transform you. They change who you currently are. Having a goal that you absolutely have to accomplish is going to make you do things you never did and become somebody you never was. Itās incredible. Itās taught me that every character trait possible is laying in everybodyās repertoire. If I want to be courageous all I have to do is strive towards being courageous. If I want to be laid back all I have to do is strive towards being laid back. The possibility is all in my mind. I really understood this as I watched myself for the first time ever purchase cologne. My goal is to find the type of girl that I want to be with in the long haul. Thatās been my goal for awhile now. Iāve been doing various things to strive towards the accomplishment of that goal. Seeing myself order cologne. Spray it on. Then go through the day with it on was something I would of never thought that would happen. Seeing myself be as patient with girls as I am is something that would of never happened not too long ago. I found that in the act in accomplishing goals you meet resistance you wouldnāt of met otherwise. Because you have to power through this resistance you do things you never would of done. Buying and wearing cologne was something that I regarded as being cheesy. I regarded it as being desperate. I held that opinion because back then I thought was probably never gonna find the girl for me. Back then I accepted being single through my in action. But as I recently took steps to attract the girls that I want I notice that my efforts were bearing fruit. This encourages me to put more effort into my love life. Purchasing cologne just seemed to be a logical thing to do to increase my chances of getting a high quality girl. Had I never set that goal and made steps towards accomplishing that goal I would of stayed the same. This is how I can continue my development process. I can always change and become more by just setting new goals. The process of pushing pass resistance and remaining discipline brings out the best in me. It gives me respect for myself. Thatās why I have to always have goals. Till the very end.
Today I learned the importance of having a burning desire. I was listening to the audiobook How to Win Friends and Influence people and something struck out to me. The author Dale Carnegie states that in order to get the most out of this book one would have to have a burning desire to do so. One would have to have an immensely strong yearn to increase there interpersonal skills and improve the quality of their relationships. The reason that struck out to me was because it echoed what many other successful people say. Somebody whom I know who is an obvious success remarked that ā You just gotta really want it.ā I was looking over my notes today and I kept seeing the phrase from Jim Rohn āDonāt Be Casual.ā The human will is a crazy powerful thing. A far too many times underestimated thing. A thing that is easy to forget how amazing it is. When one is zealous about achieving something miracles can happen. I think thatās what happened to me last Summer. I was so determined to finally move forward in life that whatever obsactle I face was not an issue. Working all the time for me was no problem because it served what my focus was all about. Walking back and forth to work was not an issue because it saved me money that I would put towards paying off tuition. That burning desire I had permeated every cell in my body. It fortified me and made me stronger. It gave me the strength to power through. That definite purpose is rare. I donāt possess it right now. When I applied that definite purpose earlier in the semester I got detracted by the attention it brought. I applied it towards my studies and was constantly in the library at school. Many people would notice and make remarks. A couple people even pointed it. I began to feel that always being in the library was a bad thing. I began to feel that being highly determined was a bad thing. So sure enough I quelled my burning desire to get the most out of myself and passively be like everybody else. That was wrong. That is exactly what happens to far too many of us. That burning desire is a gift. That zeal should be embraced and nutured. It is the thing that finally moved me forward in life. It is the thing that worked miracles for me. It is the thing that will push me through to where I want to go. Letting myself get brainwashed into thinking that being a highly determined person is bad is a fatal mistake. I wonāt make that mistake again.
Today I learned that it just takes time to learn. I was sitting in the library finishing up from taking notes from a video and realize that this 30 minute video took me 3 to 4 days of 25 minute increments to finish. The first time I watched this video I didnāt take any notes at all. I just watched it all the way through. But this time I knew that I wanted to keep the info in my journal. I knew that I wanted to constantly review the information. I knew that that this video was worth the time to sit down and really extract the information. The process of rewatching the video and listening extra hard to truly understand the concepts being explained and then store it in my journal took longer than I thought. I realized how much stuff I missed by just casually viewing it. I realized how packed the video was of great information. I later did my calculus homework and realized the same thing. There were so many steps to just one problem. There were things that I didnāt fully understand until I continued to study them. There were patterns I didnāt recognize until after awhile. What Iām realizing is that the brain is a miraculous thing that kind understand anything you throw at it. But it requires as much time necessary to fully comprehend foreign concepts. Learning in my opinion is all about pattern recognition. Once one notices the pattern of how a problem works one can then make steps to work on that problem. But if not enough time has been spent learning the patterns and what to do with those patterns one will surely make an error. That made me realize why I shirked off reading and becoming a serious student of life. Thereās always a deadline approaching and there is always something fighting for your attention. It takes a serious commitment to invest however much time necessary to gather and learn information which will most likely improve the quality of my life. To me thatās no problem. I understand now that having a āas much time as it takesā attitude is necessary to get to where I want to get to. I understand what a worldās difference being more knowledgeable and more skillful could do for oneās life. It just takes times. To truly learn more. To truly increase oneās skill set. Quoting early just prolongs the learning curve.Thatās just the way it works. And thatās okay.
Today I learned that taking the extra step lifts you up. From all the information that Iāve been gathering. From the countless times Iāve gotten the results that I wanted by just making the extra painstaking effort. From all the various stories I heard of other people who put in massive work behind the scenes to get massive results down the road. Itās so obvious more than ever that taking the extra step lifts you up more than anything. Taking the extra step to prepare. Taking the extra step to study. Taking the extra step to work harder on my skills. It all sets me apart. It makes you something above average. It makes you something unique that people notice. An example in mind is how my communication skills distinguish me whenever Iām in a group of people. I always notice people listening extra hard when I ask a question in class or give my opinion. When I first notice this pattern I wondered why it came to be. I was weirded out when I notice peopleās interest in what came out my mouth. But when I thought about it just made sense. Doing this podcast has sharpened my communication skills dramatically. Before I started doing this thing I wasnāt the best communicator. But after just doing podcast over and over again I got better at explaining what the ideas are in my head. Because Iāve podcasting for a year now it shows in the way I talk and write. People notice that because my communication skills are developed higher than the normal personās would be because the normal person doesnāt have s one man podcast with one hundred and forty episodes. Realizing that rekindled all my old ambitions. It made me want to work on all my talents. Itās just that simple. Taking that extra step over time will compound and the effect will be dramatic. Thatās how Iām going to get to where I want. By every day, week, month doing it a little more than I could. Pushing myself just a little bit each time. Doing it over and over for a long period of time. Taking the time to study. Taking the time to prepare. Taking the time think of ways in which I could make it better. Thatās going to be my way up. Not by doing any get rich quick schemes, or waiting for another nigga to change my life. Iām gonna change step by step. Pushing harder and harder with each try.
Today I learned that non-physical qualities matter infinitely more. It so obvious but itās so easy to forget. Itās so easy to write off as just a corny idea. I really understood this when I wrote this girl a love letter. The purpose of writing that letter was not so much for me to woo the girl but for me to communicate to myself why do I like this girl? Why does she occupy a space in my mind? So I ask myself that on a peice of paper and I made sure to not put just because sheās attractive. I came up with four things. Because sheās funny, smart, a fighter, and lastly because she reminds me of myself. Those qualities made her unique amoungst all other girls whom are attracted to me. Everybody is different of course but those qualities for whatever reason are highly attractive to me. So my atttraction really so much isnāt specifically to the girl itās more to the qualities the girl possesses. I really understood this when I began to be more stern. There was an incident that happen recently where I had to get mildly verbally aggressive with some guy at my school. He picked up my stuff stuff and moved it instead of just asking me to move my stuff. In that moment I confronted him and he pretended to act like he didnāt know what I was talking about. When people did that in the past I would let them off easy but since I decided to be more stern I kept pressing him on the issue. Out of nowhere this girl came to my support and the guy I was pressing clammed up. I was really flattered that that girl came to my aide. It was obvious that she was attracted by my newly developed sternness. It seems to me that women are attracted to a guy who is stern and bold. Who will stand up for himself in an instant. When Iāve displayed these qualities Iāve always notice women stare at me longer. This idea makes me think that Iāve had it all wrong this whole time. Iāve been spending so much time developing my physical qualities. Like cutting weight, consistently getting haircuts, and getting a nose ring. Though these things did garner me more female attention there was something I would do that always cause these girls to be less attractive towards me. Thatās because I didnāt develop my interior. I didnāt develop the qualities s man would need to get in a relationship and then grow that relationship. This idea also proves to me that being physically attractive isnāt enough to keep somebody around for the longterm. Being physical attractive is something that can be found anywhere. This idea taught me that betting on my newly developed physical attractiveness is a poor choice. Developing qualities of sternness, boldness, and romancingness as well as continue to become more physically attractive is the best bet.
Today I learned that there is a time to be stern. Iāve been the most happiest Iāve ever been. An overwhelming portion of that happiness stems from the fact that I see myself taking daily steps towards the things that I want. Those daily steps yield progress and the progress that I experience fuels me to take more daily steps. This higher level of happiness that Iāve been feeling is taken with me in every interaction I have with anybody. I was genuinely a happy guy before but with this even higher level Iāve been noticing particular patterns. Iāve noticed that when you express your gleeful feelings people are annoyed by them. People are bothered by somebody who laughs loudly or who makes a joke or two. If your in a negative place and you see somebody enjoying themself I could understand how one could be angered by that. I could see how somebody would be jealous of somebody who seems to have more than enough happiness, who seems to be headed somewhere. A pattern Iāve noticed is that after expressing my happiness somebody will find some way to express their contempt for me. People that I donāt even know will try to rain on my parade. Whether through micro-aggressions, clever taunting, or petty behavior. Itās unfortunate. But this has happened enough times for me to realize that this is the cost for being the type of person I want to be. You canāt be remarkable without being scrutinized. If you stick out and make waves this is just what you have to deal with. What I did in the past was just be a hermit. I choose to have as little as much contact with people I didnāt know in general. I choose to stay to myself. I couldnāt deal with being put down by people. It ate me up inside because it was always unwarranted. I was always nice to other people. So I said forget it and became a recluse. But thatās not an option anymore. That mode of action didnāt move me forward it moved me backwards. The better option I found is to be stern. To anticipate the negativity and put yourself in a mode to attack it. There more I keep setting and achieving my daily goals the more progress Iāll experience and the more happiness Iāll have. People are always going to be out to take a tiny bit of that happiness at a time. Iām that last guard when it comes to my peace of mind. Iāve learned this before itās just that donāt practice it because itās difficult at times. But itās all about repetition. The only way Iām going to happily function in society is by recognizing that thereās a time to be stern. At work, in class, or just around people in general there always has to be a guard up for the contempt in other peopleās hearts.
Today I Learned that self control is attractive. I remember I was talking to this girl with the goal of just getting to know her more. I had walked over and introduced myself and asked if I could giver her my number. She said yes. After texting her for a few minutes I grew dissinterested because I was just getting one word replies. I kept seeing this girl around campus and I got the hint that she wanted to still continue talk. So the next time I saw her I made the effort to sit by her in the computer lab and really see if we were compatible. I realized upon sitting down and talking to her that she had poor self control. With a couple minutes in the conversation she started talking about how much she loved sex. She went on about how she was open to the idea of just messing around. She then went on to talk about how she ate so much on a vacation and gained 10 pounds. The coup de grace for me was when I realized that this girl couldnāt stop talking to save her life. I was turned off. I was viscerally disgusted. I knew that if I were to get involved with this girl I would basically have to be her parent. She was young. So I could understand the reason for her poor level of self control. Iāve been there too. Iām still there in a lot of ways. Doing this podcast has made me a motor mouth. But there is something in me that quelled the flame of initial attraction. I think itās because I know for a fact that poor self control leads to poor decisions. Poor decisions leads to a shitty life. A shitty life leads to unhappiness. That is something Iām spending every second of the day working against. A shitty life in my humble opinion is a wasted life. That experience taught me that self control is attractive on the dating market. A person who can keep themselves self contained is a person your comfortable with. A person who knows how to regulate their emotions to a high level is somebody I want to be. Having poor self control is giving into instant gratification. It spurs bad habits like yelling, spiteful behavior, and contempt. All things that kill a relationship. Itās tough though. You have to exert self control in public all the time. So when somebody makes you feel comfortable you see that as a chance to let loose. To really be yourself. But it has to be measured. If one person in the relationship has a high level of self control the other person will just copy them. But if both people have poor self control then the relationship is doomed from the start. Increasing my self control has been difficult. But I find that mediating is a big help. I should only really let loose are truly be myself when I engage in my hobbies. Thatās when there is no repercussions. Thatās where I can channel all my enthusiasm.
Today I learned I gotta make the time. I was at work today completely overwhelmed. The customers just kept lining up, the phone just kept ringing, and at every break I got the pharmacist demanded me to be in production. It was a very taxing day. The day before I bought a journal to take notes on solutions of frequent problems I come across at work. But for the vast majority of time I was at work I didnāt have the time nor energy to take a moment and reflect on what I learned. But after being pulled in several different directions at work I realized that the moment I was in paralleled to my entire life. Iāve been casual in my learning recently. For the time being Iāve basically abandoned my old daily habit of reading/researching. I got overwhelmed with school and made myself believe that I was educating myself enough just by being in school. But I know thatās not totally true. The time and energy that Iām expending towards college are overall going towards the development of my career. Though Iām learning new information the overarching goal is that I get a job that pays higher than what my current job pays. So to say that Iām educating myself by going to college for the sake of educating myself would be a costly lie. At the end of the day Iām there to secure a peace of mind. Iām in school so that I can sustain myself for the long hual. When the dream Iāve been working on for years takes longer than I thought I want to make sure that Iām fortified to be as patient as I need to be. And that can be achieved by getting a job that I would work my entire life if I had to. So that time and energy I spend in school is booked as career development. Being overwhelmed by the demand of the customers by my job taught me that the market is going to always take as much out of you as it can, especially if your good at your job. And thatās never going to change. After thinking about this idea I got a sense of joy because I knew that this was another reason to commit more time to learning. One can be so effective at their job and their life simply by making a habit to more about. It was diificult for me to stay on track with this habit because I would consistently get overwhelmed between working and being in school. But itās now obvious now more than ever that this is something that make all the difference. The people that take the time to learn about the solutions to their problems solve their problems. The people that donāt take the time learn about their problems will just naturally keep doing the same thing over and over again until they get frustrated and quit. That can be said for so many various different areas of life. Even though Iām studying for life is good to. Reviewing information is something that I need to keep doing for the rest of my life. But taking the time to gather new information daily is the thing that is going to take me to where I want to go. It makes me a channel. It broadens my opportunities. It will give me new dimensions to look at my most difficult problems. So Iām gonna read on a daily now and forever. Iām gonna reasearch solutions to my problems on a daily now. Because my real life is what I do every day. Not what I do every now and then.
Today I learned that I have to focus on the target. With me adding more value to myself Iāve been attracting more and more female attention. At first I was overjoyed that a couple girls were starting to give me the time of day. But after awhile I realized that this additional female attention was detrimental to my overall goal of finding the type of girl that I want. I realized through several stillborn relationships that building a meaningful enriching romantic relationship with any girl isnāt going to be easy. It takes patience and grit to break down the walls females put up to protect themselves from the guys who just want sex. I had a hard time understanding this. My prior understanding was that if a girl rejects you she has no interest in you. Though Iāve come to understand that that is partly true. In my experience sometimes a girl will reject you to measure your desire for them. Upon facing rejection I would just move on to the next potential relationship canidate. But that was an error in some circumstances. What I should of done was be more patient and more clever. Utilizing definite propose would of seperated me from the pack. But to do that would actually require that I find something unique in this girl. To do that would require me to put this one girl above all other girls whom have peaked my interest. Until recently I hadnāt really decide what criteria that this one girl would have to have. But finally I just wrote on a piece what are the specific nonphysical qualities a girl would have to possess that would then prompt me to solely focus on courting her. Now that Iāve done that it makes it easier to disregard all the extra female attention Iāve been getting in order to serious move forward with courting my next girlfriend. So in conclusion I learned today that I have to focus on the target. I have to disregard the distractions. When experiencing failed attempts I have to stick with it and figure it out not run off to a new challenge hoping it will be easier. Building any type meaningful of relationship has inherent difficulties. Letting myself get distract and start and stop is just keeping me from achieving my goal.
Today I Learned I have to Let it Hurt Again. I was thinking about how Iāve been letting my podcast slide. How Iāve been neglecting to take the time to workout all the ideas Iāve been coming across. I know that since I havenāt invested that time into understanding new ideas that Iāve become dumber than what I would of been. Things that I learned but didnāt do a podcast on or at least do an essay on will have to be taught to me again by life. I feel thatās a bit wasteful. I was trying to figure out whatās the reason why I havenāt been recording and uploading new episodes. I was always a busy guy. When I first started this podcast and all the way throughout. There was always school and there was always work. So the lie I told myself about how Iām so busy with school and work isnāt valid. The real reason is that ever since I achieved my goal from last Summer Iāve let that basic success get to my head. The one major thing I wanted to do last Summer was move out and transfer to University. Achieving that meant the world to me. And though I should be happy with myself for overcoming the challenges that came with achieving that goal I shouldnāt bask in glory anymore. I shouldnāt let my burning desire to learn more and become a better person fade away. That is a blessing. I realize that that is whatās happening. Iāve become to prideful. Too satisfied with myself. All when there are an unlimited amount of challegebes that I havenāt yet accomplished. Iāve found that another for me to get rid of my self satisfaction is to do something that I did last summer to motivate me to work as much as I did. There were days I didnāt want to get up at 5:45am and walk to the laundrymat to work. But what I did I order to get myself out of bed was think about my lowest moments. I throughout about when I turned 22 and how I was extremely embarrassed with myself. I thought about how little I had accomplished with my four years out of high school. I thought about how I had let everybody down who ever believed in me. I thought about how most importantly I let myself down. I was disgusted with myself. I was ashamed of myself. That feeling I felt prompted me to go back to school immediately. I used that extreme self dissatisfaction to power through the hard times. The times when I didnāt feel like going to work. So thatās what I plan to do with this podcast. Iām going to remember the time I realized that instead of getting smarter with the passage of time I got dumber. Iām going to remember the shame I felt realizing that I had no self control and couldnāt organize myself properly. Iām going to remember the time weāre it felt like I couldnāt of done anything right and it was only failure after failure. That feeling is going ward off high self satisfaction. I should be happy with advances that Iāve made but I should be more focused on getting all there is out of myself as possible. That means learning more. That means failure more. That means taking the time to thoroughly workout ideas and share them. I have to remember my most painful and lowest moments so that I can continue to dig down and push to reach the gems that are inside me.
Today I learned I have to make refined distinctions. Last week I watched a Tony Robbins video that I had watched numerous times before. For whatever reason this particular time I watched this video it struck a cord with me. Maybe itās because I havenāt yet earned the success that I want in my love life and I was listening extra hard for something that could help me be more effective. Maybe itās because ever since I started seriously note taking Iām always looking for ideas worth writing down. Or Maybe it becuase Iām now serious enough to actually apply the information in the video. Whichever reason that is I I learned about the idea of making refined distinctions. In this video Tony explained how most Inuits have more than a dozen words for the word snow. He explained how inuits need to know the various types of snow to be more effective in their surroundings. Apparently thereās a particular type of snow to build an igloo, a particular type of snow to safely walk on, and a particular type of snow one can walk on. Because Inuits have these several distinctions Tony explained they are more effective in getting their outcome in that surroding than you or I would. The idea as far as I understand is to define the effects of your actions towards your goals. Aswell as define your specie mode of action. Tony talked about how common it is for people to say theyāve ātried everythingā to achieve a particular goal. But when asked to name and number all their modes of action they can only get past two things. The video ended with an anecdotal story of Thomas Edison and how for each failed 10,000 failed experiment Edison made refined dictions by jotting down the outcome. This is a pretty methodical way to go about oneās in achieving a particular goal. I find it most interesting because it forces one to identify there strategy. After thinking about this idea and putting it into practice I realized that I hadnāt really had a strategy for courting the type of girl I want and that might be a big reason for my lack of success. Iām gonna fully out this idea into practice and benefit from it.
video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf2zme307-A
Today I learned I have to Study for Life. Iāve been noticing myself make the same mistakes over and over. Iāve been noticing the same moments happen over and over. Its interesting. The faces change but the same human behavior I dealt with in the past is the same human behavior Iām dealing with in the present. To be specific I made the same mistake I made last summer with getting snippy with my superiors at work. My boss asked me to let a new hire use my credentials to count medication. The first time she asked me this she did this in a quick and commanding manner. I agreed but felt like I had given too much leverage and vowed to myself that I would never let that happen again. The second time around I firmly and boldly disagreed. She stopped right in her tracks said āOkayā but I knew when I got home later in the day their would be consequences for my disagreeableness. Now itās obvious that that the lady is trying to make me quit by shorting my hours as much as she can. Unfortunately for her I can move around her malevolent behavior and earn enough money to meet my budget. Had I made it a habit to study the information Iāve been accumulating with this podcast I probably would of handled that better. I probably would of gentely told her that I would not let somebody else use my credentials. Another mistake Iāve been making consistently is my inability to act quickly in the face of opportunity. I always freeze and let opportunity walk away briskly. I always clam up when opportunity sits herself in my lap. Itās a pitiful waste. But with studying daily now I think Iāll get better. Itās excellent that Iāve been accumulating all this information. Just the mere act of me accumulating all this information has improved the quality of my decisions. But I have to study this information daily to get the full value of it and to more effectively put it into practice. Things go off track naturally. Anybody is going to forget the things they learned naturally. The best way for me to stay in the positive direction Iām going is to review the notes Iāve been taking. Study the days I performed highly. Study the things that worked most effectively with females. Study the ideas that switched me and increased the quality of my life. I gotta study love, I gotta study the career I want, I gotta study happiness, I have to study myself. This is great because it just reenforces my desire to be a life long learner. So I gotta study for life. Thatās what I learned today.
Today I learned I have to focus on learning the skills. I went to my Computer Science advisorās office two weeks ago and ask him basically how long would it take for me to graduate? What I really was asking him was what is the fastest way for me to graduateš? His response was something Iāll never forget. The first thing he said was āFocus on learning the skillzzzzzz.ā As soon as I heard him say that I knew I was coming from the wrong angle. He went on to explain how their were solid opportunities around just for my taking. Internships and scholarships of the sort. He explained how by just focusing on graduating as quickly as possible I would fail to take advantage of those various opportunities. He stated that the most important thing I should focus on is learning the skills. That was something that I really needed to here and will now never forget. By default I just want to do things as quickly as possible and get on to the next step. I think that mindset comes from impatience. I think that mindset comes from being use to instant gratification. I donāt think this mindset is going to yield me the things I want out of life. I think this mindset if continuously developed is going to result in a remarkably average career, with remarkably average relationships, and a remarkably average sense of meaning and fulfillment. What a waste that would be? To come this far and cashout early out of impatience. I made the same mistake when I was doing music. Itās funny how the field changes but the overall lessons stay the same. I gotta focus on learning the skills in everything. Especially with developing my love life. I feel myself becoming patient. I have particular deadlines in regards to weāre I want certain relationships to be. When I donāt meet those deadlines I feel a sense of failure. But now with this new idea I can focus my attention on actually learning how to build an intimate relationship rather than what did I get out of this relationship. I think thatās a better perspective. That way of thinking relieves a desperate sense of urgency. This way of focusing on learning requires grit the calmness though. The clock is ticking and measurements have to be taken. But with a solid resolve and a sincere work ethic skills will be learned and intended results will be produced. With this focal point I think Iāll be more effective.
Today I learned I have to compare myself to who I was yesterday. I got this idea from Jordan Petersonās book 12 Rules for Life. In a previous podcast I stated itās good to be competive. The idea behind that podcast was correct but only to an extent. During that period in my life I felt very marganilized and poorly treated. I felt like I was showing loving to people and being given their ass to kiss. For the most part that was true. My response to that was that I was gonna get so successful that I would put everyone who crossed me to shame. For awhile that motivated me. For awhile it got me digging deeper within myself to power through the various challenges I faced to move forward. But the idea of becoming more successful than my peers never really motivated me on a longterm basis. I knew deep down from the very start that that was small minded thinking. I knew that true winners donāt look around to see what everybody else is doing they look inside to see what they should start doing. Thatās one of the many valuable ideas I got out of 12 Rules for Life. Though the unfortunate thing was once I got exposed to this idea I didnāt put it into practice until nearly 7 months later. I was sitting in the library 2 weeks ago and asked myself āWhat are some ideas that could change my life?ā And this was the first and immediate idea that came to mind. Iāve found from the short time Iāve been comparing myself to the person I was with yesterday that this is a fantastic way to live ones life. There is nobody that has more data on me than myself. There is nobody that has my exact level of weakness and my exact level of strengths. There is nobody that thinks the same exact thoughts as me. So why would I set myself up against somebody else? The best person to compete against is the person I was with yesterday. It just seems more practical. I know exactly how hard I pushed yesterday. I know exactly how much I let a couple things slide. Itās hard not to look outwards though and marvel at other peopleās success. Especially when those people are close in age to you or even younger. And especially when those people rub there success in your face and you just have to sit there and try to be a person of good character. But Iāve found that the best growth strategy comes from internal analyzation. When you know how many goals you set and how many goals you achieved in the day you have a benchmark for tomorrow. You keep achieving that benchmark and increasing it consistently then it seems to me that your capacity increases. Comparing myself to other people will lead me down a road of not being everything I could be. I could still be successful by comparing myself to other people but my success would eventually be capped. I would hit a comfortable point and would be unwilling to push forward and risk failing because I would of already done more than most people. Thatās not somebody Never Stops. Somebody who Never Stops pushes themself until their is no more time left. Thatās who I want to be.
Today I learned I have to check the numbers. Another thing I got out of that video by Jim Rohn I watched last week was the concept of looking at the hard quantible results. In the video he stated that somethings you have to check everyday. He explained how by taking a measure of the results one can learn about what their attitude really is, what their activity really is, and what their philosophy really is. Itās easy for me and most other people to get lost in the art. Itās easy for me to loose my grip of reality and lock myself in a castle in the sky. Thatās exactly what happened from 18 to 22. And thats also whatās been happening ever since I started taking goal setting seriously. Ever since I moved out Iāve been goal setting pretty consistently. Iāve found that itās something I look forward to at the end of the day. For whatever reason checking off something on a list gives me a satisfying feeling. I thought I was killing it for awhile. I would prepare a long list of goals the night before and I would work the next day to check off as many as I could. But I noticed as time went on that their would be many things I didnāt accomplish on my long list of goals for the day. I would also notice that their would be many things that I did half way. It was only after I sat down and counted how many goals I set and how many actual goals I achieve did I realize that I wasnāt even getting the most out of myself. I realized that becuase I had set an obnoxious amount of goals my effectiveness of achieving those goals decreased. This was excellent quality over quantity moment. I was only able to get this moment of clarity becuase I took a measure. Becuase I checked the numbers. Becuase I looked at the cold hard undebatable results to teach me about my efforts. Thatās why I think itās really important to take count. Because just like me, you can think your really going hard and giving it all you got until you sit down and actually measure the outcome of your efforts.
Today I Learned I have to take the notes. I was watching yet another video by Jim Rohn and for whatever reason I decided to grab a peice of paper and actually take note of the information he was saying. In the past I would watch his videos and would just assume that I would remember all the key points. But as I was watching the crowd listening to Jim delibarately jot down the words they were hearing I paused the video grabbed a piece of paper. Doing that brought me to a dramatically new level of understanding. The act of simply writing down the ideas made then more coherent. I was able to stare at them and take a moment to momentarily reason whether I think this idea is valid. After deciding for myself that the idea I was being sold made sense to me I was positively reenforced to continue to listen for more ideas and jot down and reason more. A video that was about four hours long felt to me like it was far too short. Becuase I would listen, reason, then write I lost track of time and fully focused on the information being despensed. This isnāt the first time Iāve utilize the idea of note taking before. I got the idea really from Jim Rohn himself in a past video. I use to take a note book to church and jot down whatever sounded valueable to me by the pastor. But I would be the only one in the entire church writing stuff down from the sermon and would notice people staring at me. I didnāt care much until I started to get mocked by another church member. After realizing that people thought I looked silly bring a notebook to church I dropped the habit entirely. But in this very same video Jim explained how vitally important it is to note take. He basically stated that your memory will fail you and that by simply jotting it down you get to reflect upon the information correctly and coherently every single time. I got so much out of that video becuase I simply wrote stuff down I thought was valuable. After realizing this I feel really disappointed in the numerous books Iāve read, podcast I listened too, and other helpful videos I watched were I didnāt take a note for any of them. That information is still in my mind but God only knows how to access it. In this video I was watching Jim talks about the path to success is walking away from the 97% and about not being casual. This is just one of the habits nessary to do that. Most people, like I was, will never get a journal and fill in ideas and exerperinces that are important to them. But just imagine what that habit could do for a person? You here something valuable and you put in your journal for study and reflection. That could do wonders for a personās relationships and career. I got such an amazing feeling note taking the valueable ideas that now Iām going to ensure I do this for the rest of my life. I really feel like I got the most out of that video simply becuase I toke notes.
video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ySBv-HHyK4
Today I learned I have to work in the future. After watching another Jeff Bezos interview I notice he kept using that phrase. At first I didnāt understand exactly what he meant. I though he was talking about making new technology. But as the interview went on he described how he focuses on the financial quarter in three years from now. As his fellow executives are focused on the current financial quarter or the most recent past financial quarter he has his eyes set further in the future. That amoung all the things that Jeff Bezos said in that interview resonated with me the most. Iāve been struggling to stay focus on my goals set for the week and for the month. Itās just easy for me to forget that I need to make sure that my actions of the day should be compliant with the objective of the entire week. I could only imagine how easy it is to fall off track when you have your goal set three years ahead. I think thatās the big difference between winners and losers. The people who can step back and analyze how things are going and in what direction their going are going to have more information and overview of their lives. But the people who constantly are tied up by the tedious repetitive short term occurrences might get fed up and decide to stop playing at all. One can get more done in a week than one can get done in a day. Thus in a sense my focus should be more on the weeks, months, and years than just the day.
Today I learned I have to be really really fast. I was thinking about a pattern that Iāve been recently experiencing. A girl who doesnāt look half bad will signal her interest in me. Iāll take a few moments and consider whether or not I want to pursue this girl. And usually within the time span of me deciding whether or not I want to shoot my shot the opportunity slips away. This has happened so many times. This indecision comes from fear. Fear of rejection and fear of success. After a couple of moments I decided that I will shoot my shot but by then so much time has passed and Iāve already clamed up. This is just the easier thing to do. Itās tough to be decisive. Itās tough to quickly power through that wall of resistance in your mind. Iāve found that the more time I spend debating whether or not Iām gonna say something to the girl that has signaled interests in me the more likely Iām not gonna say anything at all. The anxiety builds up and I get more in my head. The more I sit still and contemplate whether I will run the risk of rejection the more I start thinking about rejection and embarrassment. The funny thing is Iām the polar opposite with my entrepreneurial and creative pursuits. When I get an idea for a creative project I usually try out the idea immediately. I donāt really care or not whether the idea will work Iām just so excited to give the idea a shot. To work on the idea. To grow it and develop it into something more than what it intially was. The process of just doing that is very fun to me. I have to be the same way with women. Upon realizing that a girl has signaled interest in me I have to immediately get up and build with her. That same excitement, decisiveness, and vigor that I have for business is appliable to women.
Today I learned that Alpha males eat Alpha males. Ever since I got a nose ring Iāve been noticing that more women have been attracted to me. But Iāve also noticed that more niggas try me. I didnāt mind it as much. I was strong enough to deal with the bullying and the sneak dissin. But the more I do shit to attract the best looking girls the more niggas are gonna see that and try to bring me down. It just comes with the territory. When I think about why that is the case the only answer that comes to mind is that some people see you exuding peace of mind and they get angry because maybe they havenāt yet achieved peace of mind for themselves. So they think up of clever ways to attack your peace of mind. Some people are passive. But Iāve found that Alpha males are more direct. Theyāll challenge you more openly. They try to embarrass you cleverly. The best way I found how to deal with that is to be with the shits. The best way I dealt with these types of guys is just accept that in life your gonna be in a couple fist fights. Sometimes people will see you happy and going in a positive direction and will make it their #1 priority to kill your morale. To rain on your parade. To simply just toy with you. When I notice that behavior pattern the first thing I do is create physical distance between me and that person. But if for whatever reason I canāt shake them I just get them alone and confront them. Literally everybody Iāve confronted backs down apologies. I think the thing that matters the most is that they see that Iām willing to fight them immediately. The cowards comes out of them when they see a chance of danger. I never thought I could do this. I never thought I would be the type of person who initiated confrontation. But one day I started the daily habit of preparing for a fist fight and a little while later the thought of a fist fight didnāt really become so threatening. So dealing with Alpha males isnāt shit anymore once I started preparing to fight daily.
Today I learned the importance of preparing for the next day. Last night I was up really late trying to get as much stuff done as possible on my to do list. I had failed to prepare for the day in the evening prior thus today wasnāt maximumly optimized. There were so many things I could of done with today had I took the time to properly prepare for it. I had no goals for the day set so I was just cruising and going with the flow of things. I did some stuff I would of usually would of done had I set my goals prior but I know in my heart had I planned this day out and set goals for the day I could of done unbelievably more stuff with the time I was given. I would prepare for the next day frequently when I was working on getting down my tuition last summer. Iāve found that taking the few hours the evening before to prepare for the next day creates a thread in between the days. Iām more mindful of where I spent my time becuase their is a written plan of how I intended to do so. When I do make it a habit of preparing for the day Iām able to retrace my steps. I have more data to reflect on because their was a game plan. The objectives of the day are clearly stated thus making achieving them more smoother. It just makes sense that this a good habit to cultivate. And it just makes sense that the successful do this. Day in day out one is able to fully steer the direction of their life. Simply by just preparing ahead of time.
Today i learned that women communicate with nuance. Iāve been noticing how suddly girls will communicate their interest in me. Theyāll slow down their pace if their walking in front of me. Theyāll cleverly get in my field of view. Or theyāll just stare at me for a quick second. Itās kind of childish. Iām the exact opposite. Iām very blunt and very straightforward. I just walk up to the girls that I want and shoot my shot. If it works it works if it does it doesnāt. But being so blunt and straightforward hasnāt yielded me much success. It seems to me that my directness scares off the girls that I do want. For example if I notice a girl is staring at me Iāll walk over where she is an first ask her if she is single. If she says no Iāll ask her if I can give her my number. If she says no Iāll just say okay and be on my way. But I get the feeling some of the chicks that reply no I am not single are just saying that becuase their shocked and nervous that I just walked over to them. Iām looking at females like Iām looking at a computer. Whatever the computer tells me is exactly what the computer means. But itās not the same at all with females. Itās my understanding so far that females will say something but mean the exact opposite. Will do something that means one thing but then do something that means the exact opposite the next day. Whatās really frustrating thing is that theyāll expect you to figure out their poorly communicated emotions and then solve it for them. Iām only willing to do that for an attractive girl. So thatās what I learned today. Women communicate with nuance.
Today I learned I have to be obsessively compulsively focused on the customer. I was watching a recent interview of Jeff Bezos. In this interview Bezos was reflecting upon the success of Amazon as well as the developments of his latest projects. As he was talking about how he was approaching his low income early education program he stated that he would work on it in the same way he worked on Amazon. He said the most significant reason for Amazonās success was their obsessive compulsive focus on the customer. As soon as I heard those words i was intrigued. Because it sounded similar to a previous idea that has benefited my life. Focusing on the end goal is something that has given me an unbelievable strength. I think about all the times I was walking back and forth from work and Iām in awe. It was only becuase my goals at the time required me to do so. I thought more about that idea of obsessive compulsive focus on the customer and it just makes sense. If you spend an unusually more amount of time and energy thinking of ways to positively benefit the customer and you actually follow through with those plans the end user is going to feel the difference. If an organization keeps doing that over a span of time the customer is going to develop a habit of going to you first. When I hear a good idea like that I like to act on it instantly. So as soon as I heard that idea I went to the mall and got a bigger nose ring. I was timid about doing this at first. The one I had in intially was the starter stud. It was necessarily as small as could be to form a hole for further nose rings. I didnāt want to get a bigger one at first because I afraid at how obvious it would be. Even though I was getting more female attention with the starter stud niggas try me more. But after hearing Jeff Bezos say that the reason by far for Amazonās success is becuase they obsessively compulsively focus on their customers not their competitors ot was just obvious that I needed to actually get a mid size nose ring and do all the other things needed to attract the female I want. I really think approaching my love life in this manner will be better. I have to look at the girl I want as my customer. And I have to obsessively compulsively focus on servicing her so directly and indirectly so that she keeps coming back for more.
Today I learned I have to use time as an asset. I was doing homework for my CompSci class and I was just having a difficult time with it. But Iāve come across a problem like this before. I was reading the instructions and thinking up of ways as to how to go about completing the assignment. The numerous ways I thought up kept giving me error messages. Right before I got to frustrated and not want to continue with the homework I pulled myself out and took a 5 minute break. This break alloweded my to refresh and give my mind a chance to think about other things. When I completed my break I was willing to hold on further and find the reason why I was getting an error message. And it was just that simple. Simply sticking with it and not lying to myself that I would figure it out tomorrow was the most important thing that helped me solve the problem. It was a mini win but a win regardless. Having that resolve of Iāll do it until I get it right is very rare. Having that dedication that says Iāll keep pushing until Iāll get to where I want to go is something Iām embedding into my my personality everyday. I really feel like I would of been a success in every other field had I just held on and kept thinking. The brain is that incredible. But itās just so easy to quit. Itās just so easy to say Iām done with this shit. I canāt figure it out. Iāve done everything I can think of. Luckily Iāve seen with my years what happens when you hold on for as long as you possibly can. There was a point in my life weāre I would set a deadline for something and I didnāt meet the deadline I would abandon the project. The smarter thing to do was set a new deadline. But there was a part of me that was just happy that I could use the fact that I hadnāt met the deadline as an indicator that the project wouldnāt work. I think this concept of using time as an asset is going to help me signicantly.
Today I learned everything makes a difference. It is kind of easy to think that the small things I do to attract the girls I want make no difference. Itās kind of easy for me to believe that I put in all this work and yet still have little to show for it. But I donāt think itās that simple. Itās my understanding that everything makes a difference. The small things as well as the big things. I think this is the case for one becuase the act itself of doing small things towards a particular goal draws you closer to that goal. It feeds the fire and spurs more ideas which increase your chances of achieving the overall aim. Thatās been my experience. Iāve been coming up with ideas as to how to make myself more appealing to the girls I want and me testing out those ideas spurs other ideas. Some seem to have more of a dramatic effect than others but still the act of carrying out each one gives birth to more. Another reason why I think everything makes a difference is because human beings are very perceptive creatures. Our brains are always anyalzing our surroundings. Even when we arenāt consciously aware of a change a person has made to themselves our brains let us know. Our brains gives a feeling that something is off pattern which then leads us to figure out what is different. Lastly I think everything makes a difference because a small number of changes made everyday can have a compounding effect of a span of time. A small number of changes made everyday can really change the direction of anything. I was going in a very bad direction for sometime. My life is better because I made that small change consistently. Itās just easy to think that not everything makes a difference. It leaves room to not do or not do as much one would if they believed the otherwise. But I know the work Iām doing is making a difference. I know Iām getting closer to my goal. I notice how better looking girls are more drawn to me now than would of been otherwise. Itās just about me being patient. And continually putting in the work and thinking critically. Especially with time as an asset Iām bound to get what I want.
Today I learned that I have to routinely suffocate negativity. With me trying to find a high quality braud to lock-down. Iāve been experiencing the most rejection I ever had in my life. Itās kinda wild. Iām looking at the mirror now more these days asking myself āAm I really that ugly?šā the thing is that I donāt look much different from what I did when I was in high school and back then I had pretty girlfriends. So Iām just kind of confused? But luckily not deterred. With all this consistent rejection itās hard for me to shoot another shot. I pick myself up after every rejection sure that Iāll try again tomorrow. Now Iāve come to learn that faith is something that isnāt static. I just canāt say Keep The Faith. Faith has to be continually restored and reemphasized. Faith either grows or dies each day. And each time I get rejected my faith crumbles away a little. My belief that I will find that female that I actually want to be with in the long term dwindles. With each rejection that faith is slowly replaced with the cynical thoughts. Thoughts that tell me that somebody like me is meant to be single forever. That I just wasnāt born with enough height to get the girls I want. Thoughts that tell me that for whatever reason girls just donāt like me. These are all loser thoughts. Negative thoughts. Thoughts that if I entertain I can kiss a good future for myself goodbye. Even though they are rational they are incorrect. The dating market is a tough place for most. A lot of people choose to not even participate in the dating market out of simple fear of rejection. Just the fact that Iām willing to continually face rejection shows a rare quality that will increase my chance of getting the female that I want. But I can only power through so much. I have to maintain the morale. I have to maintain the mindset. For each rejection I have to buttress my self against the negative thoughts that spur. Whether by either watching motivational content or just by writing that the girl I want Who wants me is out there, Iām going to find her, and itās going to be worth the while. Itās not easy. But finally tidying up this area of my life is something that I will be most proud of.
Today I learned the value of thinking on paper. Not so long ago I was sitting in class and utterly confused as to how to proceed with the problem presented. Even though the professor had given us a lecture I was still foggy about how to apply the concepts. But from my experience with doing this podcast Iāve found that the best way to get an answer to something is to write out the question on a peice of paper. Everytime I sit down to do these podcast I ask myself āWhat did I learn today?ā And miraculously an answer always comes to mind. So after a few minutes of being perplexed I got out a peice of paper and asked myself āWhat am I suppose to do?ā After a few seconds the answer came to mind. Then I asked myself āHow do I do that?ā And after a few seconds the answer of how to start to came to mind. After going down a logical train of thought I was able to then solve the problem presented in class. This little moment really showed me the value of thinking on paper. This moment showed me how you can direct your focus by simply asking yourself questions. It also showed me that you know more than you think. Sitting in that class facing that problem I was really unsure of how to make the first step. But after putting my mental energy towards digging within myself for the question āHow do I do this?ā The answer about how to take the first step came to mind. Itās not thinking specifically on paper either because I type out all of these podcast. But itās more so about separating yourself from the question. Doing this makes itās a bit easier to solve it. When you have a question in your head itās going to be difficult to think of all the answers simultaneously. But with writing it down you can go down a train of thought for each answer for however time it takes. I think this is going to be one of the keys to my success.
Today I learned that I need to cut down. I was literally just watching a video about Warren Buffett and how he was trying to help his employee achieve his goals. By doing so he encouraged his employee to write down 25 of his goals and then prioritize them. He then instructed his employee to strongly avoid working on the bottom 20 goals and strictly focus on the top 5 goals. The video went on to explain how most people never achieve any of their goals because they are constantly working on numerous things at the same time. That is me to the T. I looked at my set of goals for the day and saw 15 different things for 7 different areas of my life. When I was working on paying off my tuition that was my only primary objective. I understand that life doesnāt happen in a vacuum. There are a lot of different things happening at once. One canāt only solely focus on their career. One canāt only focus on their love life. But their has to be a partitioning of resources. My time, energy, and money are fixed. In order to take my life in the direction I want it to go I have to apply these to the most important areas. For me the most important areas are my career, my love life, and my intellectual life. I want to have the best career I can have. I like working hard and achieving things and a career is a great vehicle for that. I want to have the best love life I can have. Obtaining that is going to give my life an amazing comforting warmth. Lastly I want to learn as much as I can. I want to see how smart I can be. I want to try out new ideas and see the results from doing so. With that being said I have to take the time, energy, and money I was putting towards improving social life, improving my sense of style, and improving my relationships within my family (at this moment in time) and put them towards the top 3 areas of my life.
Today I learned that women are fronters. They bluff just for the sake of bluffing. Thatās the type of behavior that kills the morale of good men. I was on the bus heading home from class and I notice this girl was all in my face. I kept my cool until it was obvious that shorty was eying me up. So me being me I wrote my name and number on a peice of paper and attempted to hand it to her before she got up off the bus. But as I handed her the number shorty turned her body and swayed her hips. She had a satchel on so I could of jammed the piece of paper in her bag but that would of been desperate. Having being embarrassed in front of all the individuals who were riding the bus I really couldnāt understand what happened? Shorty was flirting with me first of all. So me shooting my shot just seemed like the logical thing for me to do. But upon analyzing that moment as well as other moments itās mad obvious that roughly speaking women are fronters. They want to test boundaries and poke and prod. All because it amuses them. I think this is why a serious manner is necessary whenever women are present. Being a goof ball in general is asking to be played with but being a goofball in the presence of women is just setting yourself up. Anothee thing this taught me is that sometimes a girl is rejecting you because she wants to test you. Theirs a fine line but a lot of times me just accepting the rejection and moving on is what ruined my chances. So today I learned that women are fronters. Sheās gonna poke and prod you. Sheās gonna play games and confuse you. And this is gonna make you wonder why am I even putting up with this?
Today I learned that everybody is just passing by. I was a little bent out of shape to be leaving my job and transferring to a new store. I grew to like the people I worked with. Even though though things were shaky at first and I was unsure if I was gonna even be able to hold down this job. Me and both the pharmacist would fight all the time. Sometimes when it got busy they would get rude and passive aggressive. I would only take so much of that and hammer down on them way much more than I needed to. I would challenge them openly and most of the time they would yield. Though they would always find a way to humiliate me or disrespect me in an artfully subtle way. Their was always a constant wrestle for respect. I would really be annoyed by this and seriously contemplate leaving but over time I just got use to it. My last couple days I began to feel sad because even though I told them that I would return for the holidays I knew deep down I wouldnāt. My last couple days I began to realize how much I would miss working with them. When I think about it more it just obvious that this is just the way it is. Everybody is just passing by. Nobody is really tethered to anybody. Sooner or later everybody has to move. Even though Iāll miss my former coworkers Iāll get over it and just move on. Thatās what I did with all my other places of work. I left, and eventually got used to not seeing their faces. Not talking to them. Not working alongside them. Even though itās gonna be rough to be away from my mom and my brother Iāll just get use to it. And now that I know that everybody is just passing by Iāll appreciate the people in my life even greater. Iāll look at relationships with a more long term perspective. I wonāt get petty and resentful because Iāll know that everything comes to an end. Sooner or later everybody will have to change location. It sucks but thatās just the way it is.
Today I learned I have to start small. With deciding to take my love life seriously my goal was to shoot my shot three times a day. Iāve found success with applying for jobs in that everytime I send out 3 applications a day I would always get a call to come in for an interview. So logically I believed that all I had to do was shoot my shot 3 times a day and I would find that special someone. But Iāve been coming up against a problem when I try to fulfill this strategy. I always get neverous and overwhelmed. This anxiety prohibits me from getting passed shooting my shot more than once on the second day. I could go smack three times in one day but the day after not so much. Iāve had this problem before when I tried to start other disciplines. I would always get too excited and tire myself out in the short run. I do this with almost everything. The best way Iāve found to overcome this problem is too start small and add over time. But the major thing is for me to be consistent and do it with a long term mindset. I think Iāll add one shot per day with every week that passes. So this week it will be 2 shots per day and the following week Iāll will be at 3 shots per day. Going smack is something that I use to be good at. It was something that I use to practice frequently. But I donāt think I had the right formula. I only just want smack. I didnāt put enough effort into making myself more appealing to the girls that I do want. So hopefully with this combo of going smack as well as working on myself to increase my level of appeal Iāll get the quality of women that I want.
Today I Learned that I have to focus on the positive. Itās been a rough road with dealing with my school shit. Itās been a rough road with foraging for a high quality female. A lot of micro wins though a lot of losses. To get specific Iāve been going back and forth with the University Iāll be going to over financial aide and registration issues. Itās kind of ironic for me to be starting the semester a week or two late when I have been carefully planning for this moment for a few months now. And yet even though Iāve spruced myself up Iāve yet to lockdown somebody I could honestly see myself with in the long term. With so many step forwards and so many step backwards it makes one question the value of the intended destination. Why suffer so much to obtain this thing anyway? Why open myself up to be played with by strangers? Why arenāt I just pursuing my grandest dreams with the hope of overriding these tedious aggravating experiences? But thereās too much on the line for me to say to hell with it and fall back into my boyish ways. Iāve come to learn that my success is going to positively effect so many people. Not only just through the money that Iāll give away but just the simple fact that I started my adulthood out poorly but turned it around and did well for myself. That story is timeless. That story will be proof that no matter what people can change. That people can realize their mistakes and correct themselves. I really want to live up to a story like that. I really want to be symbol for something like that. The small but numerous losses are annoying as hell but by focusing on the positive Iāll be able to move forward. Iāll be able to keep motivated. Iāll be able to justify that my actions are yielding something positive in return. Even though Iām not meeting my goals in the exact time spand I initially set my actions are taking me closer and closer. By focusing on the positive Iāll be more inclined to perform on a long term basis.
Today I Learned that there is evil in the best of us. I was in my neighborhood walking home this afternoon and I saw one of my neighbors. This was one of my neighbors who I sent a letter to humbly asking for a donation for school. I didnāt get a response from this neighbor or any neighbor at all so I was on guard just waiting for him to make some mockery of me. He first tried to bait me into a conversation but I kept quiet and just nodded my head to say wassup. He then tried to compliment my grind by hinting at the progress I had made from sending that letter. I was already sharp and knew that he was trying to set up the joke coming and sure enough he gave me a big laugh and cowardly hopped in his car and drove away. Usually I would of felt insulted and want to take revenge. But for whatever reason I didnāt feel any type of way about that situation. Maybe it was because I was expecting that. I was expecting to be diminished by some people who read the letter and be happy about my current struggles. But what surprised me is how I recognized that behavior so much. That same behavior of diminishing others and being happy about their life struggles is present in me. I have another neighbor who for sometime I was happy that he hadnāt found his way yet. I was happy that he hadnāt grown and realized the errors he made in the previous years. I was happy about this because cuz owed me money for sometime and showed no motivation to pay it back. I found that as an insult becuase I had looked out for the young man. But after sometime the joy I had in seeing this guy slip further and further into his own bad habits turned into disgust with myself for being pleased that someone who wronged me wasnāt doing well for themselves. Even though the guy didnāt pay me back itās kinda of gross and immature for me to be happy that he hadnāt advanced in life yet. To feed that resentful evil side of me would one day spoil the entirety of my character and thus the entirety of my life. After realizing that I put my copy of Jordan Petersonās 12 Rules For Life in the neighbor who owes me money mailbox. That book really gave me more understanding and more fire so hopefully it does the same for him. But gifting him that book was more about me than him. It was about sharing some of my resources with somebody I had wronged. It was about surpressing my evil resentful side by acting the exact opposite way it would want me to. So today I learned that there is evil in the best of us.
Today I learned that I need to keep the faith. With deciding to take my love life seriously and trying to court the most attractive women Iāve been experiencing more rejection than I would have if I never set this goal. I notice this consistent rejection is effecting my performance. I donāt go all in. After I hit my quota of shooting my shot one time a day I call it in. Even if I see a shorty that Iād want I donāt bother. This is a recipe for failure. If I donāt have faith in myself that Iām able enough to fix this part of my life than Iām just wasting my time. I wonāt go all in if thatās the case. I have to have solid belief that Iām willing to do whatever reasonable to fix this part of my life. I have to solid belief that Iām not gonna stop until this problem is solved. Iām not gonna stop shooting my shots. Iām not gonna stop trying to make myself more appealing to the girls that I want. And Iām not gonna stop critically thinking about better ways to solve this problem. Doing this with a 50% conviction or even 75% conviction will not get me what I want. When I ask myself why is this so important to me? Why do I have to get the most attractive girl? Why arenāt I applying my time and energy somewhere else? I think about a potential future weāre Iām in my senior years without wife or children. I think about a potential future weāre I have all the success my heart desires but no one to share it with. I think about how easy it is for me to end up locked in a passionless relationship to someone I never really wanted to be with. Iām not gonna let that happen to my son. All the answers are all ready inside me. By keeping a strong unshakeable faith Iāll have the strength to dig deep and do whatever is nevessary.
Today I learned that I have to exceed my standard. I use to hold the belief that maybe I shouldnāt have standards. I donāt have as much relationship experience as Iād like and thatās majorly because I didnāt act on the options that were available to me. Realizing that I began to just take what I could get. Any girl that looked at me twice I would go after them. That led me to date girls that I wasnāt romantically interested in. They were cool, nice, and smart chicks but they werenāt chicks that really motivated me to bring my A-game. They werenāt chicks I could see myself with in the long haul. But for awhile I stuck in their because I was partly frustrated that I couldnāt get the girls that I wanted. It was only after achieving my goal of paying off my lofty tuition bill did I gain the confidence to set my eyes on bettering my love life. I really feel like if I put the same amount of effort and critical thinking to achieving a meaningful romantic relationship with a girl I could see myself with i have a good chance at hitting my target. Iāve come to realize from being more involved in the dating market that people want want more for less. People want certain qualities in a mate that they donāt possess or donāt posses enough of to make the difference. But all that means is that I have to define what qualities that I want in my next girlfriend and then work to develop those qualities in myself to a higher than average degree. This will make me more of a magnet to the type of girl I want. It will also give me the peace of mind that Iām putting in the work to get what I want in return. So today I learned that I have to exceed my standard. The qualities that I want in my next girlfriend first have to be developed in myself to a high degree.
Today I learned that I have to embrace growing pains. A couple days ago I was really bummed that I was about to move out. Yesterday I went to see the place where I will probably be renting and I still feel the same way. The place wasnāt bad at all. It was clean, quiet, and orderly. But it wasnāt home. My brother or my mom wasnāt there. My comfortable bed wasnāt there. The neighborhood I grew up in and the people I knew werenāt there. It felt hallow and isolated. I kinda get nervous thinking about how I will live there. I moved out before but only a couple blocks down the street. I could always just walk home if there was any issue. But now the place where I will be living is not so close to home. I canāt just walk back home if there is a problem I canāt solve. I can understand my behavior now when I was younger. I was just too terrified to man up and ship out. I was afraid that the world wouldnāt accept me and I would be isolated. That scared me so much that I decided to better stay at home and pursue something with a high proabability for failure. If I failed I failed but if I succeed then the world would accept me and their would be a nice place for me outside my momās house. Because I choose to be childish and impractical I grew weaker and maladjusted for the world. This started a downward slope of poor decisions. I canāt make that same mistake again. I have an opportunity right now to really become stronger. To really man up. To really get out as much as possible from within. Even though Iām a bit nervous thatās okay. Iām suppose to be a bit nervous. I canāt back out now. I have to do this.
Today I Learned that I just have to control what I can control. Itās been difficult trying to attract the type of girl that I want. I seem to get half way there. The latest pattern Iām in is shorty flirts with me, I get the digits, I text shorty a couple days later and she doesnāt respond. Itās confusing? Iām donāt even take it personal anymore. The reason that comes to mind when I ask myself āWhy would they do this?ā The answer that comes to mind is they just wanted to see if they could get me or they maybe just lost interest. Even though being stuck in this pattern is discouraging. The only thing I can do is control what I can control. I canāt control whether or not this specific girl likes me. But I can control how attractive I can be. I can get a shape up, do the push ups, and wear the cologne. The thing that bothers me though is that this is a lot of effort being exerted. There is a part of me that says āIs it really that serious?ā But the answer is always an affirmative yes. Iāve been in past relationships were there was no mutual passion at all. The relationship was really a thinly veiled friendship. Beauty and attractiveness matter more to people than theyād like to admit. It sounds superficial and silly but itās a timeless truth. Iāve accepted that having an attractive girlfriend is something that is necessary for a long term relationship. So even though itās more difficult to attract one of the beautiful ones Iām just gonna thug it out. Iām just gonna control what I can control. I can continually improve my attractiveness and I can consistently keep sweet talking random good looking girls. I think that will be enough but Iām not exactly sure. Weāll see.
Today I learned that I have to keep my cool. Iāve always had difficulty with utilizing restrain and self control. As far as I could remember I always had trouble sitting still and focusing in class. Whatever was on my mind had to be expressed in someway. This made me the class clown a lot. This type of behavior also made me the object of contempt in the eyes of far more people than necessary. I realized that at a young age. I recognized that my behavior was making a good number of my peers and teachers angry at me. I shirked it off because I was so sold on the idea that you shouldnāt care what people think of you. I even became more obnoxious and less self aware as the years rolled on. But now that Iām taking my love life just as seriously as my aspirations to be a successful entrepreneur I understand now that I have to dead the part of me who flagerantly behaves poorly. I canāt sell myself on the idea that I shouldnāt care what people think of me. My opinions about myself come first and foremost but I have to see myself through the eyes of others. I have to keep my cool. Not only to get the best looking girls but to work effectively in a group and fully insert myself into society. People get put off when I show to much enthusiasm. The best looking girls might think āWhy is this nigga so excited? Heās probably not use to dealing with very pretty girls. Well I donāt want anything to do with him.ā Thatās not an unreasonable train of thought. When I talk to other people and I see that they completely loss self control and are openly showing their excitement I get uncomfortable. I get nervous. I just want to get as far away from them as quick as possible because I donāt want to run the risk of any altercation because of misunderstandment. When Iām in an excited state Iām hyper-reactive and open to suggestion. I also lose my sense of self awareness. Thatās why I want to do more things behind the scenes. I donāt want to be in front of the camera like I use. With somebody like me itās just a matter of time before I make a fool of myself. So today I learned that I have to keep my cool. I have to use restrain. I have to keep my opinions, jokes, and silliness to myself when in public. And especially in the presence of girls that I want to be with. You say too many stupid things, act to silly, or become too much of a motor mouth people will start to deeply resent you. In their eyes they will see you as a symbol of poor self-control and in a way they will be right. Keeping my cool is going to increase my chances of bettering my love life and social life. I wouldnāt want my son to be a social outcast who doesnāt know how to properly conduct himself amoungst his peers. So why am I allowing that for myself? Itās not rocket science. All it takes is meditating consistently and being mindful of how I act in public. Thatās all it takes so thatās what Iām going to do.
Today I Learned profits are better than wages. I was walking home the other day and I realized how much effort I was putting in towards earning such little amount of money. I got myself up early, I walked to work for an hour and 15 minutes, I then exertered 5 hours of mental and physical energy, then I walked back home for another hour and 15 minutes. Only to make an estimated $65 after tax. The effort was gigantic. Though the pay is so meager. I thought about how much money I was able to just instantly get by selling things on eBay. I thought about how within one sale I would make a 30 hour work weekās paycheck. I was just recently watching a Jim Rohn video and he was describing how profits can be exponential yet wages are fixed. This summer I worked a lot. I would happily do it all again but itās so obvious to me that the employee/employer transaction is far too lopsided. The value that I brought to work against the annoyances and stresses I exerperienced is not in my favor. Iāve proven to myself that Iām willing to work as hard as I possibly need to. But just working very hard is not enough to craft the best life for myself. More people are willing to work hard than critically think. And with critically thinking I can devise different ideas of bring value to the market place. Iāve been on this entrepreneurial kick before. The reason why I stopped was because I saw little growth. I was impatient. But now patience is my strength. My plan is to combine my high level of work ethic and my critical thinking skills to make additional cash. With time Iād like that additional cash to overlap my mainstream of income. I think utilizing my work ethic and critical thinking skills to make additional cash is better than just accepting the fair trade Iām in.
Today I Learned I have to roll with the punches. Iāve been searching for a place to stay near the Univeristy that Iāll be attending for months now. Iāve spent time, money, and energy scouring Craigslist and social media to find roommates. Iāve been running into the same pattern. I find a person who is looking for a roommate, we exchange information, and then usually they flake days later. Itās frustrating. It almost leads me to believe that their isnāt a place for me outside my momās house. But thatās bullshit. Itās difficult finding people who want to rent a room to me but that doesnāt mean those people are out there. The best thing I can do is roll with the punches. Even though itās discouraging being flaked on at the last minute I canāt let it kill my spirit. I canāt take it personally. I just gotta understand that this is the nature of the game. Not only of trying to find a place to stay but of life. Sometimes you put your best foot forward and it doesnāt work out. Sometimes you walk the straight and narrow path and you end up behind. Sometimes you put everything youāve got into the relationship and it still fails. Thatās just how it is. But thatās okay. Iām strong enought to deal with the dissapointments. Iām smart enough to know that I canāt use inevitable dissapointments as an excuse to not go all in. Itās okay if it doesnāt work exactly as planned. The most significant thing that matters is that I roll with the punches. That even though I experience dissapointments I still continue to give everything Iāve got towards going weāre I want to go.
Today I learned sometimes you have to finesses. Last week I called my school to see if I everything was good to go because I was finally about to finishing paying my tuition. I asked the gent if I needed to come up there to send my transcript. I gave him my student id number and he took a look at my account. He then proceeded to tell me that there was an issue. He said even though there was an additional $200 left on the balance. He said I needed to pay an additional $320 because my bill was forwarded to Collections and becuase of that I was charged an extra 10%. I told him that I didnāt understand why I needed to pay collections when I was paying the school directly but he held firm and basically said thatās just the way it is. I was momentarily angered but I realized that it just meant that I would have to wait one more week to reach my goal. Before I got off the phone with the guy he said something that got me thinking. He told me to make sure that when I did gather the money together to tell the student accounting department that my bill was sent to collections and that I needed to pay additional charges. When he said that at first I didnāt think much of it. But I got the idea of what would happen if I didnāt tell them? What would happen if I simply just pay the remaining balance and ask them to remove the hold on my transcript? So just a few days ago I called up the accounting department and told them I didnāt understand why their was a hold on my accounting when I had just paid everything off. The lady said hold on, checked my account and then unlocked the financial hold. I went online as quickly as I could and placed an order for my transcripts to be sent to Morgan State. And boom the goal for the summer had been reached. All the hours I laboured away was now proven to be meaningful. I was happy finally completing this chapter momentarily. But I shortly realized that now this meant that I now had no valid reason to live at home. Now this meant that the best thing for me to do is move out away from my mom and my brother. Which is something that apart of me doesnāt want to do. But anaways today I learned sometimes you have to finesse. Sometimes you have to to tell a little white lie for the greater good. I saved myself $320 just by pretending why I didnāt know the reason their was a hold on my account after I payed the principal. Be good 100% of the time is impractical and only leads to being taken advantage of. Sometimes you have to break the rules. Sometimes you have to finesse.
Today I Learned itās more effective to attract. Being at work and watching how my boss was eyeing me and how another other women was flirting with me it was obvious that they were attracted to me by some level of degree. It got me thinking of something I heard Gary Vaynerchuk say. He said something similar like āItās easier when it comes to you.ā That got me thinking of past relationships and how the most fruitful ones were the ones were the the female initiated the first move. Iāve come to realize anytime Iāve tried to force a relationship Iāve ended up frustrated. Anytime Iāve tried to force anything Iāve always ended up dissapointed because I felt like my effort wasnāt matching the result. I think my energy in the past was applied incorrectly. Instead of expending all that energy presenting myself to different chicks I should of spent that energy improving upon myself. Iāve come to learn that everybody wants more than what they deliver to the table. Everybody wants a mate better looking than them, smarter than them, and even kinder than them. The frustration comes in finding more but not becoming more. Thatās when it seems like nobody you want, wants you. Thatās when I asked myself whatās the point in all this rejection. But nothing is fixed. Theirs an opportunity each day to become more than enough were I can attract what I want. Itās difficult but thatās the point. Digging deap and getting the best of myself out is going to actract best the world has to offer. I just believe that so much. I believe I have an opportunity in front of me to be an even more unique and interesting person. If I take this opportunity seriously, there a high chance that the reward will be just what Iām looking for.
Today I Learned itās all about the journey. I was at work and shit and I came across this problem I couldnāt solve. I was having an issue with running this ladies perscriotion through a coupon she gave me. I tried resubmitting it with different codes that were provided by the rejection. After a couple minutes I called the help desk. After a long period of time I had to let the lady at the help desk go because we were both at our wits end. I then asked a coworker for help and she tried her hand but wasnāt able to succeed as well. I tried one last time to see if I could get the coupon to work. At that point it became more about solving a difficult problem than about helping this lady save $15. Only because I had complied all that information from dealing with the problem from my persepective, from the lady at the help desk perspective, and from my coworkers perspective I was able to try a new approach and consequently solved the problem. The burst of serotonin I felt after getting the coupon to go through taught me that itās all about the journey. The more difficult the journey the more satisfying it is. Being persistent and calling in help with that problem at work brought out a patient and cooperative side of me. Seeing myself try to hack at it from different angles proved to myself how creative I can be when motivated. Itās all about the journey for real. Without going through that difficult lengthy process solving that problem would of meant nothing. I could only imagine how itās going to feel when I graduate college, or find success in music, or finally find somebody that I actually want to be with for the long haul. The hardship and the large amount of patience required makes the accomplishment sweeter. Also the person I become from wrestling with a problem until it gets solved is somebody I like.
Today I Learned how easy it is for me to become a sell out. I was texting particular people about donating to my college fund. And one person I texted responded very angrily. My older cousin was upset with me because she felt that I was guilting her by consistently texting her about raising money for school. As soon as I read that message I apologize becuase she was so right. Iām a salesmen and I know how to communicate things indirectly. I know how to jazz things up in the right way. I think I know how to evoke emotion and sell a story or a product. So her telling me that I was guilting her was only the truth. I thought about how I let myself do that. How did I let the sleezy salesman part of me take control? Itās because I got to obsessed with my goal of paying off my tuition. Paying off my tuition bill to me is more than just getting my transcript and transferring to University. Paying off my tuition bill means to me that I can finally become independent from by Mom by moving out of her house with the intent to never comeback to live. I feel like Iāve been here too long. I feel embarrassed when other family members come to visit and they see me still living at home. But being very motivated to claim my delayed manhood isnāt a good reason to use cheap tactics in order to get money. That is the behavior of a sell out. A person who discards their integrity and self respect for short term gain. Iāve behaved like that numerous times before. I became a clown when deep down I knew that behavior was beneath me. I knew that I could do more than just make people laugh to get them to like me. My past behavior still bothers me. I frequently shudder when I reluctantly remember how poorly I use to carry myself. But I know if I change my behavior people will eventually forgive me. I canāt sell out any longer. I told myself that I was only soliciting donations from these people because they showed a willingness to help. But honestly Iām on track to pay off the tuition so I donāt necessarily need them to donate. Itās easy for someone like me to become a sellout. But I canāt let that happen. Thatās way only leads to self disgust. I get excited and I get obsessed with achieving particular things. But thatās not a good reason to discard my integrity and self respect.
Today I Learned I gotta take it seriously. I crack jokes all the time and I think that is the reason why Iām usually in a good mood. But itās now dawned upon me that always cracking jokes isnāt the best way I could conduct myself. Even though having a well developed sense of humor has gotten me through a lot Iāve sometimes laughed off things I shouldnāt of laughed off. Iāve laughed off behaving poorly just to cope with the embarassement when I catch myself. Iāve laughed off aggression from other people because I wasnāt courageous enough to directly confront them. In times were it was necessary to push pass nervousness and man up I just laughed to conceal my anxiety. Itās a bad habit. Laughing things off was a way for me gloss over the black truths. Thinking about it more not being as serious as I should of been resulted in me wasting a lot of opportunities to move forward. Dropping out of school to become a rapper is clichĆØ and silly. Thinking that every girl that rejects me is totally wrong is kinda silly. Expecting people to forget my past and give me the respect I want is kind of silly. Being more serious is going to put in a better posistion to get to where I want to go. Being more serious is going help me fully utilize the opportunities that are right in front of me.
Today I learned we over indulge. I started my job at this restaurant around my house. They asked me to be one of the servers. So there I was behind trays of hot steaming food prepared to serve anyone who presented an empty plate in front of me. I didnāt mind being the male equivalent of a lunch lady. Itās a fairly easy job that is helping me pay off my tuition. But what I noticed as I was dispensing scoops of macaroni and cheese and tongs of salmon cake is that when people like something they over indulge in it. The most sought after food was crab legs. People would come back as much as they could for crab legs. I was at first annoyed by why people were so pressed to get freaking crabs legs. Like how good can they be? But I now realize that itās not necessarily the crab legs itself itās the pleasure that the food itself stimulates. Itās now obvious to me that when people find some sort of stimuli pleasurable. Theyāll max out on it. I can see that truth just by looking at myself and how frantic I was about Oreo cookies, particular songs, and even producing podcast. I use to have an obsession with Oreo cookies when I was 18. I would eat an entire tray all by myself. It was weird because this addiction came out of nowhere. Iām the same way with certain songs. When I find a song I like Iāll play it over and over. I play the song until I no longer find it pleasurable. I max out. Iām trying to not do so much of that with my podcast. I derive pleasure from producing podcast and their something in me that wants to do it all the time. But I donāt want to completely max out and thus not want to do it anymore. By design humans will irrationally engorge themsemles with whatever they find pleasurable. By default if we really get a positive stimuli from something we will go over board. But that is fantastic news to someone who wants to be more of a producer than he is a consumer. Watching so many different people act so irrationally for crab legs made me want to create a product that people love so much that they canāt remove themselves from it. I have to make products. Whether electronic products or physical products either way. When people love something they will over indulge and in that moment is where fortunes can be made.
Today I learned that nothing stands still. I was talking to a teacher of mine from high school and as I was talking to him it became obvious that he wasnāt exactly in a great space. Though he didnāt overtly say it I got the feeling that things werenāt going well for him and he was looking for guidance because of that. It was strange honestly to have somebody I look at as a mentor look to me for guidance. I did my best to reassure him that everybody has ups and downs. What bothered me though was that he wasnāt conducting himself as strong as I once knew him to be. I remember him being an energetic, encouraging, disciplinarian. He conducted his class with a lot of passion which made me more interested in the subject matter. Even after high school I would randomly see him and he still maintained that youthful spirit. But somewhere along the way that strengthen and zeal I saw in him seems to have vanished. From talking to him briefly it seemed like he was confused about the future. It made me sad but it taught me that nothing stands still. Great men can fall. Iām not exactly sure how he lost his strength. But I know exactly how I lost my strength. Through no discipline I became the worst version of myself. Through not consistently challenging myself my confidence, determination, and even intellect diminished. I let my impulses dominate my common sense. From that experience I see everything now as either slowly growing or slowly dying. If I donāt use it I loose it. If I donāt use the courage to ask shorty out then that courage dies a little bit. If I choose not to take ten minutes to read a couple pages then I get a little dumber. If I fail to plan and set goals for the day ahead then I get a little bit off course. I shudder at where one can be when bad habits have been practiced for decades. Nothing stands still. Iām either getting stronger or weaker. Iām either getting smarter or dumber. The way I can ensure avoiding being weaker and dumber is just perpetual discipline.
Today I learned that you're gonna get lucky. I got a text today from an employer today asking me to come in to interview. I went in with the best intentions. Getting another job would increase my chances of paying off tuition and moving out. As the interview was being carried out it became clear that they needed someone pronto and I would fit right in. Itās a small job at a restaurant so itās not anything special. But the fact that I was able to secure a job in this critical moment is something to think about. It seems obvious to me that by setting a goal and moving forward with the goal you satisfy the goals of others all by pursuing your own goal. I have extra hours to spare and could use some more cash so I put in an application at a local small restaurant. The manager of the restaurant needed somebody to work this Sunday and was happy to see my application. This idea that moving forward with my own goals benefits the world around me makes sense. Nothing occurs in a vacuum. People have wants and needs that need to be satisfied and their is much more of the world than there is of me. It just seems like if your making swift pace with your goals your gonna catch lucky breaks. Just by proximity and speed. Had I not seriously got into goal setting I would of never thought about submitting my application for this local restaurant job. This idea is kind of encouraging. Though I shouldnāt ever depend on wishful thinking itās something to keep in the back of my mind that Iāll get lucky now and then. Thatās not an excuse to be irresponsible or unprepared. But itās motivating to know that just becuase were all complexly interconnected me pursuing my goals serendipitously aligns me with fulfilling the goals of others.
Today I learned things are defined by their limitations. Iām on the last chapter of Jordan Petersonās ā12 Rules For Lifeā and in this chapter heās talking the fragility of life. How within a moment it can all go to hell. How somebody you love could get sick, how your marriage can end, and all other horrible things could occur. He went on to describe life as a continuum of positive and negative experiences. Weāre if their were no limitations on life and only positive experiences could occur than that wouldnāt exactly be what we call life. He goes on to explain how limitations also open up for a near infinite variety of choices. A good example would be the game of chess even though their are constraints their are far more choices for movements than either player could possibly need. Another thing he delves upon is the act of striving against limitations, he frames this as Becoming. This aspect of that idea resonated with me the most. It seems like many who are most limited, constrained, or marginalized find a way pass their limitations and invariably creating more than enough choices of expression. Itās the old story of the poor boy becomes the rich man. Or the underdog becomes the top dog. Being somebody who is financially limited I can vouch that constraints makes one more creative. Their are certain things one has to get done whether they have the money or not. If you donāt have the money then you just to freak itš. So today I learned that things are defined by their limitations. Life wouldnāt be life without a fair share of positive and negative experiences. I also learned today that limitations spur a near infinite variety of choices and that when one strives against limitations they subsequently open up more and more variety of choices.
Today I learned I have to put first things first. Upon talking with my Uncle about my tuition bill he told me that he would foot the bill. I was very overjoyed hearing that because it meant that I could now divert my finances to saving up for 1st month and a security deposit. Moving to a different environment is something Iāve been looking forward to. Iām kind of embarrassed that Iāve lived at home for so long. About two weeks went by and I got a phone call from my Uncle basically telling me that he would only be able to pay the bill dangerously close to the deadline. At first I didnāt mind this. I was dead set on gathering enough money to move out to an area closer to the school Iād be going to. I was now more focused on moving out than securing the reason why I would move ourt. But it was only last night that it dawned upon me that I wasnāt being as responsible as I could. Though my Uncle has offered to pay the remainder of the tuition bill it is still ultimately my responsibility to see that it gets paid. And since he has told me that he will be only able to pay on a couple days before the deadline I should just be proactive and just shave off as much it as I can. I donāt want to leave myself vulnerable. I donāt want to rely on my Uncle and then end up becoming bitter against him. It was so easy for me to transfer the responsibility to him and focus on doing something more interesting. Itās always like that. The things that I should do first are far less appealing, they take longer time, and their more difficult to complete. But once they are completed the hardest part is over. Then itās smooth sailing, then itās doing things that are a little more interesting. The best way to achieve my goals is to put first things first. The boring, difficult, time consuming things should be the highest priority because those are most likely the most signicant task. Pushing them back more and more will only waste time and create unnecessary suffering.
Today I Learned I should go all in for love. Iāve never been a relationship type of person. With the past girlfriends Iāve had I didnāt take the majority of those relationships seriously. Apart of the reason for that was emotional immaturity. Another reason was that I grew up in a single parent home thus that was my norm. The past two years I got a little more serious about being in a relationship. I put myself out their more consistently and gain some success. But I just wasnāt satisfied with what I was getting so I told myself that I would earn more success and noterity than return to the dating market. Though it seems to be the case that men with more success and noterity have an easier time with getting quality women itās not nessarily the only way. So for me to say Iām taking myself off the dating market for the next 5 to 7 years is impractical and cowardly. Especially when both can be done simultaneously. One can work towards distinguishing success and still date quality women. I always knew this in the back of my mind. The only gripe I had was that it takes mr awhile to find quality women who have equal amount of interest in me. So I would constantly grow tired of rejection and just said to hell with it and stopped actively looking. But today after letting an opportunity to explore a new relationship go all becuase of timidness I realized that I wasnāt all in with my pursuit of finding love. I was all in on pushing my life forward as far as my career goes but not all in as far as finding someone Iād want to tie myself with. And Iāve always been like that. Pursuing business ideas or making music have always trumped operating a relationship and it probably always will. It was something about being totally responsible for the relationship and the other person that didnāt appeal to me. But I donāt want to get myself caught in the cliche of the successful person with no love life or family life. That is a hell waiting just for me. Thatās not the life of somebody who never stops trying. I want a full life for myself. Thatās why it is necessary that I take finding somebody I want to partner with just as seriously as my career as an entrepreneur. I need to go all in for love the entirety of my life. Searching with zeal in brief moments of motivation is a recipe for frustration and dissapointment. There are going to be failures and publicly embarrassing moments but Iāll learn and become stronger from all of it. As long as I apply my mindset of whatever it takes to my love life Iāll find a quality person were the feeling is mutual.
Today I Learned I need to tolerate the dull days. This entire summer Iāve pretty much commited to earning as much money as possible to finance my education. At first I was upset with the sacrifice I had to make. I stopped working on music while during school to ensure I passed all my classes. During the semester I was looking forward to spending the entire summer making songs. But when I realized that the time would be better spent earning money I was very upset. I felt like I was sacrificing too much. I had already went two years without seriously making songs now i could foresee another year of holding out to be more practical. I felt it wasnāt fair. But honestly Iām at the point weāre whatever it takes is whatever Iāll give. I canāt stay another second in my momās home. I want to ensure that when I leave I leave permantly. Iāve made the mistake before of leaving home without having a clear cut plan of what I would be doing to make a living in the long term. I left to only come back for another three years. Iāve come to realize that life hasnāt been all that much exciting. The vast majority of my time is spent working. It really irks me. When I was working on music all the time I had no issue with the mundaness of my life at the time because I was having fun and felt like things could turn around. But with school it feels like Iām just gonna burry myself deeper and deeper into a mundane life filled with responsibility and meaning but lacking of zest and intimacy. The thing Iāve come to terms with is that school is temporary and that one day Iāll be back to making music and feel like overnight things could change.
Today I learned that I have to cherish incremental growth. For awhile I was stoked as I began to start seeing changes in my life. I really enjoyed the fact that standing up for myself and embracing confrontation wasnāt such a hard thing anymore. I really enjoyed the fact that I was passing all my classes and finally could see a feasible path to moving out of my momās home. And I certainly enjoyed the fact that I was getting more female attention compared to what I got in the previous years. But there was something in me that began to compare my minor successes with the grand slam wins of others I consider peers. I began to grow dismayed that the girls I was dealing with werenāt half as attractive as the girls my friends were dealing with it. The joy of completing junior college got thwarted when I began to realize that people younger than me had already graduated University. And even though standing up for myself wasnāt a big issue anymore there were still some people that I couldnāt work myself up quickly enough to escalate the situation. So even though I had become more than I was I realized that I hadnāt come that far. I started to not appreciate the progression I made. Instead of cherishing my incremental growth so far in many ways I neglected it and let some of it rot. Today it dawned upon me that incremental growth is the surest way things develop. In many areas itās the only way things developed. Slowly but surely. A little here a little there. Almost taking too much time for the unwatchable eye to notice. But building something over time that grows incrementally whether itās better character or a pathway to a better job seems now to me the best way to do it. But sometimes it hard for me to appreciate the process becuase the gains are so small. But I honestly feel like if I stay in line with the disciplines the gains will compound over time. I canāt ignore the small steps forwards Iāve made so far because the next action is to then not take the disciplines seriously and then recede farther than where I started. I have to cherish the incremental growth because even with hardwork there is no law that promises change. I have to be thankful for that and do all I can to keep pouring it on. The tortoise won the race not the hair.
Today I learned that some us get too excited. I was watching a video of this guy who was standing at the mound screaming at the top of his lungs about utter nonsense. He had thrown together a concert and was talking about his struggles doing so and what he had to overcome to get to the point he is now. I couldnāt help but cringe watching that video because the guy had totally lost control of himself. He was sputtering whatever entered his mind. I began to grow ashamed at that video because I soon remembered moments in my life where Iāve made similar actions. I then began to cringe at myself. Some of us are born with the inclination to be less self aware. There have been many moments in life where I got far too involved with personal projects and neglected how I was coming across. I couldnāt see myself becuase I was too focused on developing the idea I was passionately working on. I suspect the guy in the video was bipolar and was having a manic episode. Just seeing him make a fool of himself really scared the hell out of me. Watching that video made me want to be more behind the scenes than ever. It made me want to be more reserved than ever before. I meditate to improve my self control but I think just to be extra extra cautious Iāll be even more out of the spot light. Iāve made a fool of myself so many times itās ridiculous. I shudder at the thought of how I use to carry myself. Though there are benefits to being an excited person the drawbacks is a diminished social life. I use to mouth anything that came to mind with enthusiasm. The people Iād consider my friends at the time began to grow impatient with my low level of reserve. They even began to grow disgusted by it. I need to have a better social life and improving my self control is going to do that. Going forward Iām going to continue to mediate and do the most I can to keep myself out of the center of attention. I just have to accept that if things get out of hand I could be in the same posistion that guy was in. Humiliating myself and not even realizing it in the moment.
Today I learned that some of us our aiming down. At work today I got a complaint from a customer. She said I was being smart by appropriately answering her patronizing question. She first asked me what was my name in the way you would ask a small child. After pointing to my name tag she then asked how long have I been working at the place Iām working. I told her ālong enough.ā She took this indifferent answer and ran with it. She first told the pharmacist I was āgetting smart.ā Then later called corporate office. Today the store manager and the pharmacist talked about what I could of did. They said I should of given better customer service. It was not a big deal to me so i took the instruction and agreed. But later into the day the same lady walked by the pharmacy looking over at me in a boastful manner. That is went it was more obvious that her complaint wasnāt about me at all. She took this opportunity to express her misguided frustration. Then she returned to passively gloat about it. This is such a reoccurring aspect in my life. It seems like so many people Iām in direct contact with are aiming down. Coworkers, family members, acauintences, just people in general. I try not to let it bother me too much but sometimes enough is enough. But I can understand how tough life can be. Becoming bitter would be the default for someone who hasnāt chosen to live a life of meaning. How many people choose to live a life of meaning? Not enough. I just find it frustrating because it situations where Iām trying to hold firm on what I want the meaning of my life to be someone comes along and does something petty which makes me loosen my grip a little. It makes me angry and want to involve myself in meager squabbles for āhonor.ā Dealing with somebody who is aiming down increases my chance of aiming down. But that type of behavior isnāt fit for me. I would be severely let down if I were to find out my son decided to let the world around him turn into another bitter person. I want my son to be somebody who powers through all the resentment, betrayal, bitterness, and all that. I want my son to be somebody who perpetually sims upwards. So thatās who I have to be. I canāt let the bitter majority stain my mindset and my meaning. I can do more for them by trying to live up to the standard I set for myself.
Today I learned when your in it it feels like forever. Iāve been putting in hours trying to earn as much I can to pay off tuition fees. This has been my longest summer ever and I really feel that itās because Iām working towards a singular goal. I thought about this concept watching a video of a 14 year kid talking about how his dad was harassing him and how he couldnāt wait to leave. He talked about how the four years until he turned 18 felt like forever. It seems like when your knee deep in some hardship the clock slows down. Especially at work. Everytime Iām at work it feels like ages before the half of the shift is completed. Iām not sure why itās like this. But a lot of times when Iāve looked back at periods in my life what I thought was a long time sped by quickly with retrospect. High School went by faster than I thought it would. I remember the first day and the last day. Though I was two completely different people at each starting point before my eyes were really open it was off to the next chapter. My four years of irresponsibility between ages 18 to 22 went by way to fast. But in the middle of that period I would of told you Iāve been doing what I was doing for a long period of time. My sense of time has changed. What I use to think was a long period of time is pretty short. But when chopping away at something it feels like the end will never come. But thatās just not the way it really is. After I gather all the money I need to pay off school Iām gonna look back and say to myself that wasnāt a long period of time. I only think itās taking forever because Iām checking my watch everyday. Im counting the days down one by one. Iām looking at things in the micro rather than in the macro. I just have to remember that it feels like itās taking forever but the pace is going as fast as it should. Itās going as fast as it can. All I have to worry about is making the most of what I got. Sooner or later Iāll admit that the time went by faster than I thought it did.
Today I learned how effective taking micro breaks is. As I said early Iām going to be more consistent with all my positive habits. Iām doing this because I notice a dramatic positive change in the long term. For example Iām more willing to fight in moments of confrontation because I have a daily habit of preparing for fights. But the thing Iāve notice is that doing so something with high repeption fatigues the interest in the action. Iāve found myself less inclined to do all my positive habitats after a couple days of consistently doing them. There are even days where I have to strain my discipline to fully complete my routine. I thought about how I was going to combat this problem in order to maintain long term consistency. The answer became obvious when I thought about how deal with school work. Whenever Iām working on my school shit I just do it in 25 minute intervals. If Iām studying Iāll study for 25 minutes then take 5 minute break and probably listen to music. Then Iāll go back to studying for another 25 minutes. Iāll do about four 25 minute intervals then Iāll take a bigger break. This way of working is called the Pomerado technique. Itās been very effective for me and is one of the reasons why Iām this far in school right now. The idea behind it is to get you in a comfortable pocket of concentration. Right before you have to strain to stay focus you interval is over and you get to take a break. Thinking about how well that has worked for me and how obvious it is as to how it would be so effective I think the same would go for in the macro. I think if I just aim at four days of consistency then reward myself with a day off of discipline then Iāll be able to stay in a comfortable pocket and be more inclined to be consistent in the long haul. Iāve aimed at living a life of militarylike discipline before but I fell off the routine because I saw no end in sight. I got bored and annoyed by the self imposed hardship. I told myself the reward was down the road but the road was too far insight. I think this method of 4 days of consistent routine with 1 day of reward is gonna make a big difference.
Today I learned that I need to suffer in silence. Looking back this summer Iām dissapointed in the way I went about raising money for my tuition. Though the intent was pure I would of did it differently. Walking up to peopleās homes, knocking on their doors, and asking for money is extremely obnoxious. Itās poor behavior. And I wonāt ever act like that again. I think itās very important to know when to reach out for help. I think itās a sign of maturity when you accept that you canāt do it all alone. But with a lot of things itās the way you do it that can have the most effect on the outcome. From the start I should of did what Iām doing now and write a well thought out letter. Explaining my situation. Explaining why I didnāt take school seriously the first couple tries and why Iām going to school now. Writing a letter and leaving it in their mailbox allows the potential donor to genuinely think it over whether or not they want to help out rather than having me pressuring them just with my presence. I was listening to a podcast about a guy talking about he difficult it was taking of his daughter when she was younger because she was born with serious health problems. Hearing him express such agony really effected me. It got me thinking what have I ever been through that is 1/4 as of serious as that? My life has its challenges but itās still a remarkable dream when you think about. But having a sick kid is everybodyās worst nightmare. Hearing how much pain it caused that guy made me feel ashamed at how I was so open with my small suffering. Instead of taking it like a man I made it everybodyās business. Like I said itās imperative to know when you need to ask for help. But their is a delicate balance in knowing when to just shut up and deal with it. Next time when Iām dealing with something and I truly need help Iāll ask in a discreate and concise manner not by obnoxiously presenting myself to strangers and bothering them with my problems.
Today I learned that people wonāt forget. I was at work the other day and I serendipitously answered a phone call from a previous supervisor. It was funny that this occurred becuase I sent all my former supervisors a text humbly asking for a donation to my Gofundme for me school shit. This guy completely ignored the text like the majority of the people I reached out to. Within seconds I knew exactly who I was talking to. I seized the opportunity and brought up how he ignored my text. I would of respected him if he would just replied no. But to carry on about his day with out giving it notice really dissapointed me. This is somebody I worked with for a little under a year. I would of expect the man to just have the decency to just say he wouldnāt donate. As I began to bring up my reasoning behind texting him the Gofundme link he tried to change the subject but I held firm to my point. He just continued to gloss over it. It made me angry. It made me feel like he wasnāt an authentic person. From my perspective he now seemed to be somebody who would do the wrong thing in darkness and try to get away with it. Everybody has that desire in them and it sucks when it overpowers us. After I realized that he had no serious interesting in communicating I pass the phone to my coworker so the purpose of the call could be fufilled. That experience taught me that people wonāt forget. A person I shirked away when they asked for help is always going to have that memory. Things can be let go. But the memory will forever last. With the passage of time everybody by random chance will get an opportunity to take their revenge. And if your somebody like me who is constantly workering to be more compotent and to be more stronger. Sooner or later youāll topple over the people who oppressed you. So I have to be fair because with enough time the shoe is always gonna be in the other foot.
Today I learned that long term consistency is rewarded by change. From watching the growth of my podcast and the parralleling development of my character. And from watching how I achieved my goals last summer it is so obvious now that being consecutive over an extended period of time brings out change. I most recently recall this from just trying to loose some weight last summer. I just went to the gym daily for a month and some weeks and the change I was aiming at came to be. It wasnāt rocket science though. My consistent cardio and weight training was something my body wasnāt use to so some change had to occur. Most recently I saw this idea into play with this podcast. Though Iām still at a very low amount of listeners I can notice a change in my statistics. There was a period where i had to promote each episode to ensure that people will listen to it but now the podcast has a few number of dedicated listeners. I can only attribute that to my long term consistency. The format of the podcast has been the same for the past 8 months. Long term consistency is rewarded by change. But long term consistency is rare. It takes not only mindfulness but also a strong sense of dedication. An āall inā mindset for as long as it takes. Most importantly it takes patience. Thatās what Iām learning with my school shit for sure. I want to just finish now. I want to just take the fastest way out. But thereās no shortage of time. It just about being patient. But at this point I want to win so bad. I want to be somebody who never stops trying. Iāve seen the benefits already. Working daily on a goal with a long term mindset and then having the patience to stick in their lifts you up amoungst the masses. I have to improve my consistency.
Today I learned that people try to make you the scapegoat. I was at work today and some customer had an issue with the way things were going with her prescription. She didnāt like all the bureaucracy and felt she was being treated unfairly. Later in the day she called the pharmacy to ask for the corporate office. I just so happened to pick up the phone and did my best to assist in a detached manner. I felt that was the best approach because I didnāt handle her prescription and frankly didnāt want to ramp up the situation by being elusive with her. But complying with her questions annoyed my coworkers. They saw that as me being a tattletail or a snitch. Though the answers to her questions were public knowledge. If somebody asks me questions that they can get from 5 other sources I donāt objectively see that as being a tattletail. But my supervisor took that opportunity to make me the bad guy. And sternly told me to not give out his name. When his name was on the wallš¤. After thinking about the situation it became obvious that I was made a scapegoat. After consistently challenging my supervisor about how giving out his name was something I did before and how I offered him the opportunity to speak with the customer he backed down. I lost some morale because had I not challenged him then my identity as a scapegoat would confine. When the shit hits the fan people need somebody to be the bad guy. People need somebody who is going to take the blame. Just the mere fact of consistently having the finger pointed at you and being made the blame increases my chances of becoming s bad guy. Today at work I didnāt something I shouldnāt of done out of bitter frustration. My reasoning was that since I was wronged Iāll wrong the whole thing quietly. But that isnāt somebody who never stops trying. Somebody who never stops trying detaches themselve from the wrong doing in order to keep himself unpoisoined. Thatās why itās so important for me to tell myself who I am and not let the world tell me first. People want me to be foolish, irresponsible, and underdeveloped. But by having a standard for myself I can avoid playing right into their hands. Today I learned that people will try to make me the scapegoat. I have to be prepared for that. I have to be willing to fight for myself. I have to be honestly somebody who want to live his life as a person who Never Stops Trying. Thatās how Iāll keep myself unpoisoined by bitterness and frustration. That is also how Iāll keep myself stronger than cowards.
Today I learned that being honest with myself is the best long term strategy. From watching myself be internally dishonest and watching people I know be dishonest with themselves I learned that it is something that will undoubtedly lead to a crashing burning failure. In the moments weāre I lied to myself and thought that I could do two things at once and pursue my dream and still pass my classes I ended up wasting time and money and looking utterly foolish. I was half pregnant and I knew it every step of the way. Every time finals would come I would just bail because I knew I wasnāt prepared and there was a lot of shame in doing that but I was able to conceal it though only temporarily. It seems that when your dishonest with yourself your just buying time. Eventually everybody is going to know the thing you did when nobody was looking. Itās going to be something you canāt even hide. Itās going to be gigantic and ignorable. It might envelope you so much that your desparately grabbing anyone near to save you from sinking further and further downward. Being brutally honest with myself is the antitdote for that. Being brutally honest with myself is the surest way Iāll avoid ending up in a smouldering flame of willful neglect. The people that can look at the mirror and pull out the lie theyāve been carrying for sometime are able to move through life lighter. They are able to walk straight forth. Not pace in circles or zig zag for years. Itās not that being brutally honest bring out perfection but it is my understanding that being totally honest brings out far more meaning than otherwise. So to avoid a pathetic desperate Hell the best thing I can do is be brutally honest with myself.
Today I learned that your never alone. Having that phone conversation with my uncle really made me understand that. I initially didnāt want to go to any of my family members for money because I suspected that I would get rejected and thus let down. And for the most part that is what happened. But hearing him shout that from the bottom of my his heart really drove it home. I didnāt just come out of nowhere. I came from out of a group of people. And even though some of those people have bitterness and resentful feelings towards me they still love me and want to see me win. It might seem like Iām alone. With so many Friday and Saturday nights spent in my bedroom. But even still I have friends that even though they donāt completely understand my past behavior they want me to do better for myself. That even though their weirded out by all my antics they want to see more of me. I thought I was alone for such a long time. But now with retrospect I choose to be alone. I choose isolation because I felt like I didnāt fit in. Only to now understand that I fit in anywhere on Godās Earth. The people that try to make me feel like I donāt fit in can fight me one on one. Itās easier now more than ever for me to feel like Iām alone. Scrolling through Instagram everyday and seeing people smiling in groups makes me wonder why Iām not in that group? Why wasnāt I thought of when plans were being made to get together? And though the answer to those questions are sharp and painful it is now obvious more than ever that youāre never alone. Iām more wedged in with other people than ever before. Weāre always online. We always read each otherās tweets, or see each otherās Instagram post. Maybe I donāt get as much likes or retweets as Iād like but the effect is the same. When somebody reads my tweets they get a piece of me. When somebody views my ig post they get a piece of me. That piece affects them more than one would think. Especially on a repeated long term basis. Iām never alone. Itās easy to think that nobody would miss me if I was gone. Itās easy to think that nobody wants me to win. But the reality is quite the opposite. There are more people than Iād let myself believe that want to see more of me and that honestly want to see me hoist the trophy. There are people that are always going to try to make me feel like Iām alone. The second I start to believe that and let bitterness and resentfulness take over is when Iāll never get the best out of myself.
Today I learned that you have to put in work to be healthy. Today I got up early cleaned, cooked, took care of responsibilities, then proceeded to engaging in my hobby. Though it was a productive day it was a tiring one. Mentally and physically. It required stamina and self awareness. It required a high level of will. There was a desire to say to hell with everything and just recede into the comfort of my bed. To shirk all my responsibilities. To not engage in any beneficial activity but to just get caught in a YouTube loophole only to be disgusted with how much time I wasted at the end of the day. Iāve been down that road many times before. It only led me to sink further and further into hell. But it has to be acknowledged that being mentally and physically healthy just doesnāt happen. It isnāt the default. One is either rising to heaven or falling to hell. There is no standing still. Thatās one of the reasons why I couldnāt see myself saying to hell with striving towards better mental/physical health. Because itās gonna get worse without being attended too. Also I feel that I feel Iām worth being healthy. Iām worth putting in the all the work and making the tough decisions. To avoid diabetes, and high blood pressure and protect my peace of mind. So even though itās requires a lot of energy I just have to remember that Iām worth every ounce of it. And that the alternative is disproportionately unfavorable.
Today I learned having a goal specifies attention. Ever since I started this Summer my #1 goal has been to pay off my tuition so that I could finally move out of my momās home and coninue my education. With having that goal always in the back of my mind Iāve noticed a lot more opportunities to make money than I have in the future. I started noticing things around the house that if I were to grab them and sell them on eBay nobody would even notice if they were gone. I started realizing ways in which I could save money by simply not bringing my debit card to work and buying things in advance to eat when hunger would strike. I started noticing new places to apply for jobs previously forgotten. Things that could bring or save me money in order to pay off my tuition interested me. Things that could take away money from me and draw me farther from my goal disinterested me. I started cutting out the fat like dropping automatically renewing subscription accounts, unfulfilling relationships, and even petty grudges. Itās obvious to me now more than ever that when you have a goal your at your best. The petty annoyance that would once enrage you donāt matter as much. You let things go more willingly in order to free up space for your burning goal. But this could be a negative as well. How my burning intent is to pay off my tuition is now is the same way my burning intent was to gain success in music. Thankfully now I know the way to combat that laser beam focus is to consistently ask oneself what are three responsible things I should do today? And what is one remarkable stupid thing I should stop doing? Having a goal fine tunes one perception. Having a goal that really motivates a person makes like a little more enjoyable.
Today I learned you canāt give them too much. For the entirety of my life Iāve had a tough time getting along with people in the long term. With the majority of my relationships it always seemed like the other person grew contemptuous towards me over time. It really frustrated me for awhile because it was something that seemed I couldnāt shake. Whether friends, family, coworkers, teachers, or classmates it just seemed like people grew disgusted with me over a period of time. For awhile I acted like I didnāt care. I said fuck those people. I said to myself that I didnāt care what people think of me. Instead of objectively analyzing my behavior in social settings I coerced myself into believing that people just didnāt like me and there was nothing I could do about it. It was only after almost losing yet another job is when I asked myself why canāt I get along with people in the long term? I thought about the way that I acted. I thought about how silly I would be. How obnoxious I would be. How bold I would be to say inappropriate things. I thought about the look of anger and deep resentment I would see in friendās and family memberās faces when I would say something foolish in attempts to get a laugh. With retrospect I could tell now that they were embarrassed on my behalf when ever I exhibited poor behavior. I canāt always joke around. I canāt always fully express whatever is on my mind. Behaving this way puts me in the posistion of the fool in any social setting. Being too much is what is damaging all my relationships. I have to be reserve. I have to conduct myself in a manner where only well thought out statements leave my mouth. There is always a yearn in me to see if I can make everybody laugh, to bug the person next to me, to insert my opinion when nobody asked, to call attention to myself with some bizarre childish antic. If I seriously want to move forward from where I am today I have to deafen that part of me. Itās really the inner child who never got enough parental attention. Instead of always being at 100% when Iām around people I have to be at 50%. I have to guard against myself. That is how Iāll have successful long term relationships.
Today I learned that straightening things out feels good. I havenāt had the best relationship with my sister. Itās been estranged to say the least. There are things sheās done that havenāt sit well with me for years. Today I was forced to finally give her a call. I had texted my uncle the Gofundme page I made for my school shit. And he called me up and was disgruntled I didnāt come to him first. He told me to call my sister and let her know about the money that I needed. I was timid at first because my sister and I hadnāt spoke for so long and last time we did I wasnāt on my best behavior. But he assured me that if Iād reach out to my sister he would later call her and other family members to see what they could do. So I called my sister up and began to first deconstruct what the issue I had with her was. After doing so I immediately felt like there was some sort of weight was off my shoulders. I physically and mentally felt better. I had been holding resentment in my heart and mind for years and honestly I was shocked at how good I felt. Even though she apogilized and said she didnāt intend for her actions to affect me so deeply it really didnāt matter. It was just the act that I finally flicked away what was knawing at me for awhile. I feel healthier. I feel happier. And I wish I did it sooner. So today I learned that holding resentment in your heart is only going to hurt me. If itās too difficult to let it go then the next best thing is communicating the negative feelings I have with the other parties involved. Itās not about them at all. Itās about throwing away all that is weighing me down.
Today I Learned itās easy to take the easy way out. When i went back to college at the age of 22 I had the high ambition to major in computer science. Being a software engineer was something that appealed to me because of the problem solving skills and creativity it required. Though after having to take multiple developmental math courses I realized my poor aptitude for math. Because I had a poor aptitude for math I hated every second of it. I looked at all the math courses that I would have to take and I decided to not pursue a degree in computer science. I decided to try something a little more familiar. I choose Accountanting. Even though I have never met my father I was told he is an Accountant thus why shouldnāt I be an Accountant? Accounting requires a problem solving skillset which is mandatory for me. Though the reason why it wasnāt my first choice was because itās not as exciting. Software engineering from my understanding requires one to figure out ways to solve unique problems. One could expressive themselves merely in the way they solved a problem. Accounting seems to me to be a little less open. A little more cut and dry. And honestly a little more easy. The coursework in Accounting required far less complex math classes. I was sold, screw compsci. But today it dawned upon me out of nowhere that I was taking the easy way out. I set my aim lower to reduce the difficulty. Instead of rising to the task I sunk and became less than I could be. I stepped out of line in what I want my life to mean. I want my life to honestly showcase why one should never stop trying. So whatever university I transfer to my major will be computer science. Iām not going to let myself take the easy way out. If I do that with something like this then Iāll never get the best out of myself.
Today I Learned People get to big for themselves. Last Saturday I went over to my girlfriendās apartment to help her move. Everything went smooth as usually. We hung out, talked and yadadada. It was only when we got to her new place and was in the presence of her roommate did I notice a change in her behavior in front of her roommate she became authoritative and disagreeable. I was shocked because of two reason. The first being that seldom did this girl ever behave in this manner with me before. There were small moments where she asserted herself obnoxiously but they were such little petty battles I conceded. The second reason why I was shocked was because this girl was acting as if she was commanding me to help her move. But in actuality I offered my help because I genuinely wanted to do so. It was really sad seeing her behave so poorly. Seeing her show her ugliest side. I became very unattracted to her. I grew very contentious towards her. But I held it all inside because I put myself in the situation. Instead of escalating the situation I sat quiet, observed, and just let her hang herself. I think she took this as a sign of weakness and continued to behave poorly. As I was helping her move her stuff she took the role as an overseer. It was just unfortunate. I used restrain and was very pleased to be done with the ordeal and head home. I find that type of behavior appualling. To act as if your owed the generosity of another person signals a strong sense of entitlement. Regardless of if your in a relationship with that person or not it seemed to be a poor choice to behave like youāre in control. I broke up with her. I told her that I was wasnāt very motivated to be in a relationship and I thought we would be better in the long term as friends.
Today I Learned I have to watch how I talked to people. I was at this new job I got the other day and the employer asked me to come in at 6am. I wanted to say no and I almost did but my plan was to leave this job as soon as I made enough for my tuition. It was a cashier posistion at a 7/11, I didnāt feel comfortable working here. I would be ashamed if any of my friends from high school had walked in and reaffirm their beliefs that I was a big stinky loser. So I came in to the job bright an early and I noticed that there was an extra coworker on shift. Somebody called the boss and he then tried to tell me that it was a miscommunication. I was very angry because I had worked 10 hours yesterday and had struggled to wake up early enough to ensure that I wouldnāt be late. Let alone I took an Uber there. I went off and expressed my anger through my tone and stern disagreement. As I did that felt my surrounding coworkers watch me as I challenged the boss vehemently. Once I realized the taboo I had made I caught myself and politely rescinded. I thought that was the end of it. I thought that everybody would forget my poor behavior and we would all move on. But that wasnāt the case. The next time I worked I realized there was a group effort to go against me. I was told instantly upon coming into to do the lowest job possible. At first I just stomached the passive insult. It was the way they talked to me that struck a never which made me ruble almost automatically. At first it was the assistant manger. Who made it obvious that he wanted to make me feel low because that was the side of the boss. After asking speak with him one on one he quickly apogilized for the way he talked to me. But unfortunately it wasnāt so easy with the boss. He was set on making me clean the entirety of my shift. And also making a fool of me in front of the customers. I tried to ignore it and I thought I could put up with it. But once I felt that the line was totally crossed I confronted the boss. He asserted that cleaning was apart of the job. I saw passed that and just told him that I this wouldnāt of worked out. I realize now that I have to watch how I talked to people especially people on authority posistions. This has happened before in different ways. I could of use the money I would of made at that job towards my paying off my tuition. But now I know I have to seriously use sir and mam. And try not to express anger at people higher up than me in places like work or school. Itās not worth the sense of peace of mind I get when I do so. I donāt want to miss out on any future activities because my inability to use restrain.
Today I learned that some things never change. I was at the post office today mailing some shit I sold on eBay and I ran into a good friend from high school. Cuz was always a lowkey chill good dude. I was pleased to find he still was a chill lowkey good guy. We reminisced about our high school days and how young we were. It was good seeing him again. He was in school and workin and just staying out the way. Even though now he visibly got older I still saw the same dude. I started thinking about myself and how even though I changed a lot I was still essentially the same guy. Years before I would go to the post office to ship shit I use to sell. I was always trying to sell something. I thought I was a whole businessman. So it seems to me that though my life will still continue to change itās pretty much gonna be the same. Imma always be trying to come up. Imma always have a side hustle. Itās kind of comforting to know that. It gives me hope that things will get better. It makes me want to walk the honest path even more. Most of the time what is honest and true today is what is honest and true tomorrow. So if Iām honest with myself today Iāll enjoy the rare opportunity of having consistentcy in my words and actions throughout decades. Instead of turning into a totally new person Iāll just become more of who I really am.
Today I learned that I have to hold on as tight as possible. Earlier today at work I just wanted to say fuck it. Like honestly dealing with working the most hours Iāve ever had and dealing with passive aggressive coworkers then dealing with demanding customers I wanted to just walk off. I was thinking what was the point of this shit? To get an Accountanting job that I will surely grow to hate. My morale was low as fuck. I got into an arguement with my boss and was pretty much told that I could quit. Its these annoyance that build over time that make me want to call it in and change direction. This was the same feeling that deterred me from finishing up with school when I first had the chance to. Itās feeling like your trapped. Itās feeling like everybody is going to tell you what to do and you just have to suck it up. I can understand why the younger me rebelled and shirked anything that looked like a responsibility. But a more wiser me knows now that that half the battle is behind me. I know now that these mid points are where boys can become men. Even though itās tough as shit right now this is a great opportunity to hold firmer than ever before. To follow through with the long term plan. To not give up and not wander off the path. Itās so annoying dealing with so much bullshit and rejection but the alternative is just living at home with Mom well into my late 20s. The higher a personās stress tolerance is the better and longer they are able to just push through to the other side. I need to get to the other side. I need to move out and take full responsibility for myself. I need to put a large amount of distance between me and my family so I can get the best out of myself. I need to hold on as tight as possible.
Today I learned that most people are cowards. Iāve just been realizing the trend that Iāve seen with people getting disrespectful with me and then when I raise the stakes and get them alone they either play dumb or sheepishly apologize. Itās aggravating honestly. It makes me respect them less. It tells me that they will do something wrong and then childishly runaway from the justified consequences. .I know Iām playing a part though. Thereās something that Iām doing, some way that Iām acting that is leading so many people to believe that I will tolerate disrespect. That I will be easily fooled. That all you have to do is smile change the subject and everything will be on good terms. When I think about why is it that I canāt find somebody who will own up to their disrespectful behavior I realize that people donāt have to fight as much in their day to day lives. Life for a lot of people has relatively low conflict and threat for physical violence. So why wouldnāt people turn cowardly when unexpectantly confronted? Even the tallest and brolliest people fall to rise when blindsided with possible physical combat. Courage like practically everything else has to consistently exercised. In a way being tormented by tyrants is a good thing because I get the consistent opportunity practice my courage.
Today I Learned the law of averages. Through my fundraising activities Iāve found that there is a predicatable ratio of how favorable things can occur. I found through going door to door that most people will deny you or not bother to open the door. This will be the overwhelming majority. It will almost make you question why even bother? Thatās excaxtly how I felt. Taking that amount of rejection can be soul crushing it can be confidence killing. But it was easy for me to get over that hump after thinking about it as if Iām doing this so my son can get a college education and by the way Iām my son. But the ratio Iāve found is that 80% of people will either tell you no, refuse to open the door, or are just not home. Then the remaining 20% of people will actually give you money or sincerely ask you to come back tomorrow when theyād have cash on them. The interesting thing about this ratio is that the people who do give you money will disproportionately outweigh the number of people who donāt give you money. In a way the net positive experience noticeably outweigh the negative experience. When I think about it this concept is in a a lot of places particularly with making any form of content. With my podcast the vast majority wonāt get shared or wonāt cause any reaction. But then the few that do get shared and garner a bunch of plays bring in new people to listen to the more obscure episodes. The top pays for the bottom in a sense. Another thing that is interesting is that this ratio is kind of reliable. Thereās off days of course but Iāve noticed that with a large amount of output there can be a reliable return on a few units of the output expended.
Today I learned every itch doesnāt need to be scratched. I think people like me who didnāt have their fathers in their lives, or have hyper-reactive brains have a tough time with getting out of their own way. Iāve found that I have a hard time controlling my urges. Iāve found that I have a hard time being quiet and sitting still. I know a lot of people are like that. Thatās one of the reasons I couldnāt finish through with college the first time. When your someone like me you have a lot of ideas racing through your mind and you get energized and excited at the smallest stimuli. A lot of times Iāve found myself laughing the loudest in a crowd and saying something inappropriate or just not being able to blend in. There are surely benefits to this perpetually fired up behavior. But the negatives can be and have been life ruining. Iāve found that when your somebody like me youāre a harm to yourself. Youāll get grand pie in the sky ideas and youāll risk far more than necessary to have a shot at them. That was my story for awhile. I would push myself well beyond what anybody asked me to because I thought that would distiguish my art. Maybe it did maybe it didnāt. But Iāve found that these itches I have been having recently of pursuing a career in music when Iāve already done so for three years stems from my poor self-control. Iām sure a lot has to deal with just being hyper reactive by nature. Ever since I started meditating again Iāve been able to step back and analyze the itches Iāve been getting. The urges my brain is sending. And now Iāve learned from harsh experience that everything that your brain urges you to do doesnāt need to be done. Every itch one gets doesnāt need to be scratch. Time and energy are fixed. Some ideas are worth explore but some arenāt even worth revisiting. Itās hard to accept that when youāre a person like me who enjoys just merely pursuing different ideas. But itās just how it is. There are good ideas and there are bad ideas. No matter how strong the urge I have to accept when something is a bad idea.
Today I Learned I need to be nimble. Itās so obvious now that having an idea and quickly trying it out then quickly adjusting the approach based upon the data received from taking action gives one a competitive advantage. I was literally going door to door in my neighborhood asking for donations for my tuition and I was kind of surprised how easy it was. After the first person said no i got use to the feeling of being rejectedš. A small percentage of people actually gave me money which is still surprising. Another small percentage of people said come back on a specific date and theyād be happy to contribute. Had I stalled I probably would of talked myself out of this idea. I felt significant resistance right before I was getting ready to leave. But the feeling of letting myself sit out a semester based on finances pushed me out there. Being able to see the results as they are and change the methodology of action in a fast fashion has served me well. Having an idea and quickly trying it out has helped me as well hurt me. Every idea that comes to mind shouldnāt be pursued, but a lot of ideas fall in the gray area were ione isnāt exactly sure if it will work or not. With pierced watchful eyes and and the willingness to adjust to change I think Iāll be able to achieve my goals.
Today I Learned that no experience is a waste. I applied for this job listing I found on Craigslist. The job description seemed too good to be true. It described a full time posistion with $16 an hour. It used vague terms to describe the duties of the job. Instead of describing the job as door to door fundraising they described the job in an ambiguous term of canvassing.It talked about having a job with meaning. I got a call a few days after I applied. They told me to come to the office for a round 2 interview. I was stoked because at $16 an hour for full time I could achieve my goal of making 4 bands this summer so that i can pay off my tuition and transfer to university. After the round 2 interview I was offered a job of a fundraiser for environment virgina. I didnāt really care about the purpose of the non for profit I was just happy that I now had practical means to pay off my tuition. Before I left the round 2 interview I was firmly though covertly instructed to memorize the fundraising pitch or what they call the rap. I honestly neglected to do so. Though as soon as I was offered the full time posistion I put in my two weeks I didnāt take the job seriously. The first official day they asked all the new hires to recite the fundraising pitch. When it was my turn it was obvious I didnāt memorize it. Right before we were about to leave to go knock door to door I was asked to comeback tomorrow. The directors had noticed I didnāt memorize the pitch and felt I didnāt take the job seriously and this would be more of a liability than an asset to the organization. I rebutted but eventually left. I was angry and felt that I was unfairly treated. I felt they could of at least let me hit the field and see how I do with more practice. But I just chalked it up the game of life and kept it moving. Today in the back of my mind I was trying think of ways I could reach my goal of $4000. I remember how on that first day of that canvassing job I heard about people who had raise more than $700 in one day for the environmental cause. So it dawned upon me that I could go start a Gofundme and campaign online and also go door to door and go fundraise in real life on behalf of myself. So it turned out that the trouble I went through to only be asked to come back later wasnāt all in vain. Now I have another method of how Iāll achieve my goal. Right now my 3 ways are working as many hours as I can, selling shit I donāt really use online, and now fundraising on social media/in real life. So weāll see how it goes. But that experience taught me that no experience is a waste. If you pay attention I can pull out a gem in a lot of unfortunate experiences and then apply that information to achieve my own goals.
ššæššæššæššæ https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-me-get-my-act-together
Today I learned that I have to be willing to sacrifice. Just me sitting back watching a particular person I know take their careers to the next level has me feeling like I need to start working on my ideas right this second. My initial goal starting this summer was to diligently work on my creative projects. I wanted to make as much music and as many podcast as possible. But unfortunately it doesnāt seem like I can honestly devote all my time outside of work to my entrepreneurial endeavors. Just like passing all my classes became the number one goal now securing financing for my next semester of college has now become the number one goal. And just how I was unsure whether or not if I would pass my classes is how Iām unsure whether or not Iāll find financing in time to register for classes next semester. It seems like thereās always going to be something. There always going to be major responsibilities that need tending to that will call me away from my pie in the sky ambitions. But had I just been grounded in reality and diligently take care of my responsibilities when I was 18 I would of been in a favorable posistion than I am today. So thatās what Iāve been doing since I turned 22 and thatās what Iāll continue to do for the rest of my life. Being willing to sacrifice the pleasure I derive from working on my big ideas in order to finish up with school for good will allow me to work on my big ideas for the rest of my entire life.
Today I learned that there are other stuff I could do. When I first got into making rap music I was 19 and very enthusiastic about the craft. I had been listening to rappers my entire life. And to me for a very long time the pinnacle of success in my mindās eye was a rapper with millions of fans. Up until recently I held to that belief. Though even still the year after year I knew I wouldnāt pursue a career in music for the entirety of my life. The older I got I saw men like Elon Musk, Jeff Beezos, and Mark Zuckerberg to be the pinnacle of what I would like to be. Something about creating a product and having people use it everyday really strikes a chord within me. After I realized that I would like to one day go in that direction I made a deal with myself that once I made some considerable success in music I would head in that direction. But after listening to a Gary Vee podcast talking about how he saw entrepreneurship as like boxing, were practically everybody has losses I didnāt feel so bad cutting loose my ties with music. I donāt see the time I spent doing music has gone in vain. The way I am is I have to see something for myself. Even if people tell me itās not gonna work. I have to put in the work and see for my own two eyes. Had I never pursued music I would 100% have that desire compounding in my heart and in my mind. Though I love music like most people there was a part of me honestly getting into it because I felt that was the only way I could get the world to validate me and see me as a good enough person. But after doing this podcast I realized that I am enough and that I donāt need to be famous, have a lot of girls, or even make a lot of money to validate that. Iām enough because Iām never going to stop trying to push myself to be a better person. Thatās a person who Iād want my son to be. Realizing that released the shackles I had to my rap ambitions. Taking that logic course made me realize how much I love solving difficult problems. I think my potential overlaps being an entertainer. I was trying to reach a specific community of people through my music. I think I could reach the same community of people and service them in an even more meaningful with the next idea that I have.
Today I Learned I have to punch in on verses. I was recording a song and I was having a tough time trying to say the shit in the particular way that it needed to be said. I struggled for awhile. I couldnāt my rhythmn and tone the way I wanted when recording the lyrics. It finally dawned upon me to to apply the method I used in my logic class. I broke down the verses into three sections and recorded each section separately. This made it so much easier for me to say the lyrics the way I wanted to say it. To say the lyrics in a way that I think would make somebody want to listen to the song over and over again. I could see this method helping me in experiment with different ways of how to use my voice in delivering lyrics. Normally I have a deadpan delivery but Iād like to see other ways I can say shit.
Today I learned that when you go all in people want you to win. I took my final for my logic class and leading up to that point I was studying as much as I could to do well enough to understand the material for this section. For the previous two sections I was one foot in one foot out. I had my attention divided between my rap shit and my school shit and it clearly showed in my grades with this class specifically. Once I knew I had to momentarily let go of my rap shit and go as hard as possible with my school shit thatās when I really started to stand out in the logic class. If I got a question wrong I would of email the professor for the correct solution. During class discussions I would point out helpful techniques Iād use to learn the material. I became an asset to the class rather than a nusance. I operated like it was life or death and it showed no matter how hard I tried to be discreate. I noticed that the professor enjoyed seeing me push myself to understand the material. Which was even more positive reenforcement for me to at the very least go down swinging. Taking the final I realized I had come a long way because it was significantly easier than the previous exams. I just checked my grade now and I passed the class I was most unsure if. Iām pretty sure the man gave me a boost but honestly grade wise it doesnāt matter. What matters most, to me, was whether I learn the shit he was teaching or not. And I surely did. This moment parallels with how I noticed how my uncleās would look out for me when they saw with their own two eyes that I was doing everything to help myself. Iām now convinced that whenever you go all out and honestly strive for something like itās life or death there are going to be a community of people that are going to watch and help you whether you know it or not. Thatās pretty sweet.
Today I learned that I can learn anything by just breaking it down. I was having a tough time with my logic class. Even though I was using my formula of time + consistent effort I still was struggling to grasp the concepts. I remembered I watched a video about this guy talking about how he studied difficult concepts by simply breaking things down to the simplest layer and then slowly adding the more difficult layers as he understood. So thatās basically what I did with my logic shit. I started with the most basic concept of the chapter then I proceeded to next concept which was just a little harder and I actually understood the shit. It seems to me that this is a good method of how you learn anything. How to rap, how to code, how to make clothes. Starting small then leveling up. Not worried even about the big pictures but primarily focused on the smaller part that is more attainable. Thatās pretty dope. The human brain is so magical. After finally starting to really learn this logic shit it seems like there aināt nothing I canāt learn how to do.
Time + Consistent Effort = Growth & Understanding (Today I Learned #96) by Della Mbaacha
Today I learned that itās pointless to pursue two careers at the same time. This whole semester Iāve been one foot in one foot out. Iād do my homework and kinda study but I would only do enough to were I felt comfortable enough to make music. That shit has been to my detriment this entire semester. Unlike previous semesters Iāve done fairly well but this has to be my most horrible. My discipline and determination has been split into two. This then made it easy for me to be foggy on both my school shit and my music shit. Looking back on it this was one of the reasons I wasnāt successful with college on my first tries. I was always involved in either music or some business which gave me the excuse to neglect my studies. Moving forward what Iāll do now is be a student during the semester and then make music during the summer and winter breaks. Iām not getting anywhere in my music by starting and stopping in the middle of the semester. Iām not getting anywhere in my studies by doing the bare minimum only to just fail the class and have to retake it.
Today I learned that I have to treat myself like Iām my son. I got this idea from watching one of Jordan Petersonās videos. He talked about how people treat their pets better than they treat themselves. He explained that a lot of people donāt love themselves as much as they do other things or other people. He proposes the idea that because a person is fully aware of their shortcomings, mistakes, and bad habits they withhold self love. He argues that despite of all the negatives of a person one should take care of them self properly because doing so puts one in the best position bring their own unique value out to the world.This concept makes so much sense. It was easy for me to be impulsive, take excessive risk, and let myself be bullied because I was acting strictly upon urges. Their was always something telling me that this is unnecessarily dangerous. Why did I put myself in harms way in hopes that I could win big? A part of the reason was because I felt I didnāt meet up to the standard in a lot of ways. Though now that Iāve been exposed to this idea I treat myself in a far better way. I conduct myself like Iām my son. Iām on my best behavior, I donāt hang out with friends who just want to use my resources. I have respect for myself. I tell myself even though Iāve made plentiful mistakes and will make many more, Iām a passionate, driven, and loving person and I deserve to be treated with basic respect or else. Having self love warms my life. So treating myself like Iām my son makes me appreciate myself more and makes me more willing to be disciplined, to be responsible, and to continue to push myself to avoid the negativity and get the best out of my potential. I think this idea really helped me improve my behavior too. It makes me not tolerate bullshit from people. When people play with me or disrespect me I take it as they play with or disrespect my son and when I know Iāve been on my best behavior I take it as a serious offense. I donāt have the type of patience to tolerate poor behavior.
Today I learned that if I hang around long enough life is gonna give me another shot to redeem myself. I found this pretty inspiring. If one has acted poorly in the past life will eventually give you another chance to behave better than you did. I blundered in the past and made some missteps and made myself look like a fool in front of a couple people. After sulking about that shit for awhile I realized that Iām sitting on my own opportunity. Thereās nothing that I can do about the past and how I behaved. But thereās everything I can do about the now and the future. Because I know this now Iām a little more agile with all the opportunities throughout the days. The only way Iāll forgive myself is if I change my behavior.also to somebody who is never going to stop trying this is pretty sweet. It means in a way that I even after stinking humiliating failure there is another opportunity to claim what I want right around the corner. There is another opportunity to conduct myself better as a man. Even talking with girls. Even though I didnāt muster up the courage to pull that girl today Life is gonna give me the chance to try again sooner than I think. So what am I gonna do with it? Am I gonna prepare for the opportunity or am I gonna take it lightly and probably fail to rise to the occasion again. Thatās the shit that Iām asking myself all the time. What am I gonna do with this opportunity to redeem myself? Blunder again and sink farther into a hole of regret and humiliation or be so on top of things itās commendable? Thatās why I canāt ever quit ever again. On music, school, my love life, my social life, my mental & physical health none of that shit. Just simply by hanging in there Life is gonna give me another chance to improve in all these areas. Iām gonna take the opportunities and run with it.
The way I am with one thing is how I am with everything (Today I Learned #79) by Della Mbaacha
It's easy to stay a boy but it's hard to become a man (Today I Learned #73) by Della Mbaacha
Stick to the Script + I'm in the best position for success (Today I Learned #56) by Della Mbaacha
I haven't tried everything + Being irresponsible kills ambition (Today I Learned #51) by Della Mbaacha
I have to monitor ALL key areas of life + Power through Rejection(Today I Learned #49) by Della Mbaacha