Anxiety – Bulletproof Musician: Recent Episodes
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Cellist Yumi Kendall (Philadelphia Orchestra, Curtis) shares insights on how she balances practicing with other career and life demands, plus the importance of self-compassion and developing positive mental habits.Source
If you’ve ever taken a professional orchestra audition, and perhaps even a seating audition at school or at a summer festival, have you ever wondered what the musicians on the other side of the room or the screen are listening for?Is it our sound? Intonation? Rhythm? Phrasing? Consistency? Expressiveness?Wouldn’t it be nice if we could get into the heads of audition committees and find out what they’re thinking when they hear us play? Well, we may not be able to read their minds, but a 2022 study gets us close.Source
In this month’s conversation, I’m joined by Jason Shafer, who is principal clarinetist of the Colorado Symphony and on the faculty of the University of Northern Colorado and the International Festival-Institute at Round Top. Jason is also nearing completion of a master’s degree in performance psychology, and so we explore the many ways in which his performance psychology studies have influenced his approach to practicing, performing, and teaching.Source
The research suggests that this is indeed good advice, and we’ve looked at studies before which illustrate some of the benefits (like here).Whether you’re feeling your anxiety spiral backstage before a performance, or you’re dealing with crazy holiday traffic and airport delays, or stressing about whether the turkey is going to be fully cooked and ready before the guests arrive while balancing multiple dishes with different temperature requirements and limited oven space, you know how people like to remind you to breathe when you’re stressed out?But there are so many different ways to breathe!Source
Whether it’s the gentle fluttering of butterflies in your tummy that you wake up with on the morning of a performance, or the frantic churning of butterflies that you feel backstage while waiting to play, figuring out how to manage pre-performance nerves can be a real challenge.Source
I once heard somewhere, years ago, that if you want your kid to eat a new vegetable or unusual food, you have to put it in front of them an average of 16 times before they’ll touch it.Source
Whether you’re trying to play the clarinet, hit a backhand slice, pull off an omaplata sweep, or flip a pan-sized pancake without a spatula, you’ve undoubtedly heard the phrase “practice makes perfect.” Source
Tournaments and competition are a natural part of sports, and can be a lot of fun to watch, whether it’s your kid’s high school volleyball tournament or the NCAA basketball playoffs. Similarly, music competitions ranging from American Idol to the Van Cliburn competition to smaller local or regional competitions, can be pretty engaging experiences for an audience too.Source
Whether it’s sight-reading under pressure, nailing that big shift in an audition, or making an impossible shot to get all your classmates an A on an organic chemistry quiz, we all know from experience that performing up to our full abilities is infinitely more challenging when we feel like there’s something at stake.But we’ve also learned from recent research (like here and here), that we don’t have to accept this. That being clutch under pressure is a skill we can get better at - by practicing under pressure.Of course, that’s easier said than done, because it’s not like we have a “pressure” button we can push to instantly make our hands go cold and turn our brain into mush.So what are we to do? What are the most effective ways of manufacturing pressure training situations in advance of a big performance or audition?Source
I don’t know if this is normal or not, but I’ve always really enjoyed reading consumer reviews.Whether I’m searching for the right bathmat, garbage bags, or sugar free gummy bears (and if this is the first you’re hearing of this internet phenomenon, read that review 🤣), I like having some data before taking action.Source
It’s the day before an audition, and as you take a few minutes to review some tricky sections, suddenly you get a twinge of anxiety and start stressing and freaking out about how awful everything sounds. How unprepared you feel. And how horribly you’re afraid things are going to go. It’s at those exact moments when you know the right thing to do is “think positive.”But these are also the exact moments when it’s hardest to think good thoughts. Like telling a kid to cheer up after they just lost all of their video game privileges for the day, as their little sister munches happily on the last ice cream sandwich in the freezer, giggling while watching her favorite YouTube show (hmm…that's awfully specific...doesn’t that kind of make you wonder what’s happening in the Kageyama household right now?). Most of us have a natural tendency to dwell on negative thoughts. To worry about the future, bemoan past decisions and choices, and focus on what’s bothering us right now in the present. Which from a survival perspective, probably makes good sense. But from a performance perspective, this negativity bias can make it difficult to stay in a good frame of mind before auditions. Or get to sleep the night before a big recital. Which can then make the performance go to crap.So how can we get better at “thinking positive” - at least temporarily - when we need it most? Source
Ever notice how your brain can sometimes be your greatest asset, but at other times, a total liability? Like how it tends to approach performances as if they are life-or-death tests of our worthiness as human beings, even though this is pretty much a guaranteed recipe for misery before, during, and after?That's obviously way more pressure than anyone needs, so searching for a more reassuring, performance-enhancing way to view performances (i.e. “reframing”) is something that many musicians have experimented with at some point.Reframes like:“Remember that the audience is rooting for you to do well; they’re on your side.”Or “Think of your performance as a gift that you are sharing with the audience.”The latter in particular is a way of framing performances that I’ve heard a number of times. But does it really work?Source
It’s been decades since that day I stood in front of a panel of faculty at Curtis for my college audition, but I still remember it as one of the most anxiety-provoking moments of my life.I had never met any of the musicians who sat and looked at me from behind the table. I knew them only by name and reputation - and even then, wasn’t sure who was who (needless to say, this was before Google and Facebook had been invented).I’m sure they were all perfectly congenial and friendly people, and heck, it’s very possible that one or two may even have smiled at me, but in the heat of the moment, all I saw was an intimidating row of stern, somber, serious-looking faces.Needless to say, my nerves shot through the roof.Whether it’s a college audition, juries, competition, or the unscreened round of an orchestral audition, what are we to do when we come face to face with the people who can meaningfully shape the future course of our lives with just a few marks of their pens?Is there anything we can do in that moment to buoy our confidence and keep our nerves from getting the better of us?Source
When I was going through the music world as a kid in the 80’s and 90’s, nobody really talked about performance anxiety.I mean, I’m pretty sure it was something we all felt, but it was so rare to hear anyone acknowledge it any way, that I still remember the one time another student brought it up before a concert.Source
I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve been on a roller coaster in my lifetime, but these rides always seemed like one of those things in life that most folks have a pretty definitive feeling about.
As in, you either enjoy roller coasters or you don’t. Source
Trying to beat performance anxiety can sometimes feel like playing a game of whack-a-mole.
Like, you think you’ve finally figured out a solution that’s going to be the one – and it does help in one or two performances. But then it doesn’t work so well in the next performance, and it feels like you’re back to the drawing board.
“Don’t worry, be happy!”
“Stay positive!”
“Don’t be nervous/sad/upset/frustrated/etc.!”
Throughout our lives, we are told in many ways - both explicitly, and often, more subtly - that we ought to maintain a positive, upbeat attitude. That winners engage in positive thinking, and our success is dependent on our ability to avoiding being so negative.
And while there is certainly much to be said for positivity, sometimes it can be awfully exhausting to keep it up.
Because on occasion, we do experience things in life that are disappointing, discouraging, or frustrating. Sometimes we just feel kind of blah for no apparent reason. And when life throws us curveballs, most of us do have moments of pessimism, doubt, and maybe even panic.
How bad is it for us to let negative thoughts or emotions like this into our lives? Is this like the worst mental habit ever? Are we setting ourselves up for failure by not maintaining better mental hygiene?
Performing can be fun when you know you’re prepared, walk on stage feeling confident that things are going to go well, play your heart out, and not only sound great, but experience that feeling of being in “flow.”
And then there are those performance days when you wake up the morning to a nagging feeling deep down (or a screaming voice), that you’re not ready. That you hadn’t given yourself enough time to really get comfortable with a certain piece, or hadn’t practiced diligently or smartly enough in the time you did have.
Playing poorly in front of other people is never fun. And the downward spiral of doubts and doom that can kick in after a disappointing performance is no picnic either. So logically, it makes sense to avoid performing until we’re at least somewhat performance-ready, no?
But what does the evidence suggest? Should we avoid any sort of pressure situation until we’re pretty confident that we’re performance-ready? Or are there any benefits to performing even before we feel totally comfortable?
I was listening to an entertaining This American Life podcast episode this week, and unexpectedly learned something curious about cats (the episode was not about cats).
Whether it’s an audition, recital, or blind date, I think we all know that nerves are normal and to be expected. But that doesn’t stop us from looking for ways to try to get rid of anxious feelings, because the butterflies and jitters aren’t especially fun.
Subscribe to the weekly podcast via iTunes | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher Whether my Mom was watching an Olympic figure skater, a golfer, or a musician, she would often say to me how interesting it was that they all seemed to pause and take a moment to compose themselves before beginning their routine, […]
Subscribe to the weekly podcast via iTunes | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher Once upon a time, when my daughter was a toddler, we brought home a container of super cute mini zucchini’s that we found a local farmer’s market. She took a nibble, made a face and spit it out, and from that […]
Pianist Leon Fleisher once said something along the lines how playing a note is easy - but playing that note musically is much more difficult.
And when you start adding more notes, and more expressive possibilities to the equation, the challenge only increases. Whether it’s elements of phrasing and timing, dynamics, sound and color, articulation, or even one’s physical movements, expressive musical performances require ingredients from many different dimensions indeed!
Whether it’s studio class, juries, a recital, or a big audition, the unpleasant thing about nerves is that they don’t just kick in when we start playing the first note. Often, they creep in hours, or even days in advance. Which makes the waiting game its own special kind of torture. 😰
Of course, sometimes, things turn 180 degrees once we start playing and we have one of those good days where we’re in the zone and everything feels great. But I think we’re all familiar with the other days too, when we wish we could teleport ourselves to pretty much anywhere else...
Subscribe to the weekly podcast via iTunes | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher For most of my musical life, my go-to memorization strategy was to play things over and over, and hope for the best on stage. I mean, maybe it was slightly more involved than that, but it was definitely not the most […]
I was never a very diligent practicer, so I often went into performances with a pretty reasonable amount of doubt and uncertainty about how things were going to go. I wasn’t happy about this, of course, but recognized that this was probably how I ought to feel, given my level of preparation.
So one year, I decided to get serious about practicing, and doubled my practice time.
Happy New Year! Yep…it’s once again that time of year when we are supposed to think about New Years resolutions and what habits we’d like to change. But with everything we’ve experienced the last couple years, I don’t know if I have the same level of energy as in years past, to make any massive […]
Ah, the dreaded memory slip.
We’ve all experienced at least one in our lifetimes. And spent many a sleepless night playing and replaying music in our heads, in an effort to reassure ourselves that we actually do have everything memorized. Or spent most of a performance fearing that we’re going to forget what comes next, or get stuck in an endless loop.
It may not literally be life or death, but it can certainly feel that way at times.
But then there are those for whom memorization seems to happen naturally. Easily. Almost without trying.
What’s up with that? Do they know something we don’t? Or are their brains just wired differently than ours?
Have you ever gotten a few days away from a recital or audition, and even if you didn’t yet feel 100% ready, the anticipation and worry got to be so intense that you wished you could just play right that second and get it over with already? Where it’s like the anticipation was worse than the stress of the actual event itself?
I don’t know if it’s street noise, the dog trying to take over my pillow, age, or some combination of things, but in recent years, I’ve found myself having more difficulty sleeping through the night.
Sometimes I fall right back to sleep so it’s no big deal. But there are other times when my brain is just too alert, making it difficult to shut off all the thoughts in my head, and fall back asleep.
There was a time when I’d just get up and do some work instead of staying in bed. Because getting stuff done at 4am does feel super hard-core and productive.
But there’s a ton of research out there which suggests that not getting enough sleep can actually sabotage our goals in many aspects of our lives. It can inhibit our ability to learn and make gains in the practice room and classroom, make it more challenging to make good food choices, and in the long run, even put us at a higher risk of dementia.
Of course, knowing how important it is to get good sleep just puts more pressure on needing to sleep. Which makes it harder to get back to sleep!
So what can we do?
Subscribe to the weekly “audio edition” via iTunes About a year ago, the Michaels store in our neighborhood closed down. This really bummed out my daughter as she loves browsing through the countless aisles of artsy crafty things, imagining how to turn all of the random objects she’s collected over the years into new projects. […]
Do you ever find yourself struggling to suppress a negative thought?
Like, maybe you’re making a recording, and things are going well, and you find yourself trying your darnedest to avoid thinking about the really tricky shift coming up?
Or maybe you’re warming up on the morning of an audition, and trying really hard to stop worrying about getting dry mouth?
Or perhaps you’re on a road trip, and desperately trying to avoid thinking about Niagara Falls and Mountain Dew, because you really have to go - but the next rest stop isn't for another 26 miles…
Whatever the situation, you’ve probably heard that trying to suppress a thought only makes it more likely that you’ll have more thoughts about that very thought. Which is often illustrated with the “white bear challenge” - where someone tells you not to think about a white bear, and then you see how long you can go before the white bear pops into your head.
And sure, that certainly sounds reasonable - but is there any truth to this? Like, is there any actual evidence that trying to suppress a particular thought leads to more thoughts about that thought? And if so, what are we supposed to do instead, if we want to minimize negative thoughts or worries, and stay in a more positive mental headspace?
I was watching blogger Tim Urban’s TED talk about procrastination with my kids this morning, and we all laughed at the part where he described the panic monster, because I think we’ve all experienced the elevated level of stress and anxiety that kicks in as a deadline approaches.
I don’t know what it is, but there’s something that happens, perhaps no matter how well prepared we are, where about a week or two out from a performance or audition, there’s an increase in these nagging, repetitive, negative thoughts as the impending moment of truth draws nearer.
Like an escalating series of “what if’s.” And a regret-inducing avalanche of “should have’s.”
These difficult-to-shut-off repetitive negative thinking patterns, or rumination, is one of the hallmarks of depressive and anxiety disorders. But even if this doesn’t get to a clinically concerning level, it still makes for a lot of stress and anxiety during the countdown to an important audition or performance.
Which for me at least, would contribute to a sense of desperation or frantic-ness in my practice, which would often exacerbate an already crummy-feeling week. And not do a whole lot to make things better on stage.
So is there anything we can do to reduce this repetitive negative thinking phenomenon in the leadup to a performance? Other than ramping up our last-minute panic-practicing?
Subscribe to the weekly “audio edition” via iTunes It’s been many months now since musicians and audiences have been able to come together for live music. But as restrictions begin to lift in many parts of the country, and as friends begin to gather, diners return to restaurants, and sports fans begin attending live games […]
If you’ve ever recorded yourself performing (and listened back) you’ve probably noticed how in many cases, your performance sounds a whole lot better than it felt like things were going in the moment.
And that’s certainly helpful to know - but it’d be nice if our experience in the moment wasn’t quite so crummy, no? Unfortunately, those days when we’re having a really positive experience onstage seem to happen so randomly…
Is there anything we can do to increase the possibility of having one of those good days on stage, where we’re in a more positive headspace during the performance, and maybe even enjoying ourselves?
There are a number of things that could help, but I recently came across a study that highlights one simple thing we can do.
Every kid has probably had that moment on the playground, where they imagine hitting a home run to win the World Series, making a shot at the buzzer to win the NBA Finals, or throwing the game-winning touchdown in overtime to win the Super Bowl.
These types of fantasies seem to be a pretty natural part of being a kid, but you’ve probably heard many athletes, coaches, and sport psychologists swear by this sort of thing too.
Of course, the typical advice is to spend time imagining our best selves in the future.
But some have also suggested that we spend time visualizing our previous best selves in the past. Like a great lesson. Or a flawless audition round. Or the moment in your senior recital when you were totally in the zone.
And sure, that sounds like a reasonable thing to do. But is there any actual evidence that this has a positive effect on performance?