The No Pants Cocktail Hour: Jeff Somers Talks & Reads: Recent Episodes
Jeff Somers
Jeff Somers is the author of the Avery Cates series, the Ustari Cycle, Chum, and Writing Without Rules. He also generates 45% of all the freelance writing in the universe. In each episode, Jeff will pour a drink and discuss one of his works of short fiction, from inspiration to publication, and then read the damn thing with sound effects and asides. He invites you to pour a drink and settle in with him for a self-centered and self-deprecating tour of his literary universe. Also, take off your pants. They're a legacy of older, less illuminated times.
The No Pants Cocktail Hour Episode 83:
Author Jeff Somers drinks Taketsuru Pure Malt Whisky and reads his short story "Time's Thumb," which was never published but fed into dozens of subsequent stories and novels.
jeffreysomers.com
The No Pants Cocktail Hour Episode 82:
Author Jeff Somers drinks The Ox Single Malt and reads his short story "The Sacrament," almost published a few years ago.
jeffreysomers.com
The No Pants Cocktail Hour Episode 81:
Author Jeff Somers drinks Black Dynomite IPA and reads his short story "History Porn," published in Book XI.
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https://www.bookxi.org/issue-xv-love#/history-porn
The No Pants Cocktail Hour Episode 80:
Author Jeff Somers drinks Freud Whiskey and reads his short story "Kiss Them for Me," published in Bare Bone #3.
jeffreysomers.com
The No Pants Cocktail Hour Episode 79:
Author Jeff Somers drinks A Tale of Tokyo Scotch from Glenmorangie and reads his short story "Come and See," part of his Ustari Cycle universe (We Are Not Good People").
jeffreysomers.com
wearenotgoodpeople.com
The No Pants Cocktail Hour Episode 78:
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Teelings Small Batch Irish Whiskey and reads his short story "Arthur Kill," published by Mystery Magazine in 2018.
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The No Pants Cocktail Hour Episode 77:
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Bomore Scotch and reads his unpublished essay "I Was a Child Novelist and So Can You," written as part of a proposed sequel to his book "Writing Without Rules."
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The No Pants Cocktail Hour Episode 76:
Author Jeff Somers drinks some John Henry Single Malt Whiskey and reads his essay "How to Completely, Absolutely, and Totally Fail to Brew Beer at Home," somehow not bursting into teas as he contemplates all that lost beer. So much loss.
jeffreysomers.com
seanferrell.wordpress.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Kura The Whisky and reads his interview "Under the Umbrella: The Sean Ferrell Interview," which can be found at https://kgbbarlit.com/lit/non_fiction/s.
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seanferrell.wordpress.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Great Jones Straight Bourbon and reads his essay "The First Time I Ever Got Fired," originally published in Angry Thoreauan #27, November, 2000.
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innerswine.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Penderyn Legend Whiskey and reads two essays from his old zine, The Inner Swine: "To Die. In the Rain. What Kind of Writer Are you Anyway?" and "Everybody Wants to Rule the World. Except Me."
jeffreysomers.com
innerswine.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Nepalese Gurkhas and Guns Whiskey and reads two essays: "The Five People You meet in the Laundromat" and "Jeff Somers for Poet Laureate of Hoboken."
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Michter's Small Batch Bourbon and reads his essay "The Socioeconomics of the Private Detective," published in 2015 by the Barnes & Noble Book Blog.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Rampur single cask and reads his essay "The Devil's in the Details," published in 2003 by the Drexel Online Journal.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Oban 14 and reads his essay "I Wrote a Novel Because People are the Worst," published online in 2014 to promote his novel "We Are Not Good People"
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Michter's bourbon and reads his essay "The Inner Swine's Guide to Ignorance: Episode One, Just Peanuts to Space," published by Brutarian Magazine back in the distant past of 2005.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Nikka Taketsuru whiskey and reads his silly essay "The Curse of the Little Dogs," which remains one of the most controversial things's he's ever published.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks classic Glenmorangie A Tale of the Forest and reads his essay "You're Eating Yourself, You Don't Believe It" which was published in Angry Thoreauan way back in 2001.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks classic Glenmorangie 10 Year and reads from his novel "The Company I Keep," which he had to delete 90% of to make it a success.
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Piggyback Bourbon and reads from his novel "Black House," which exposes just how much of a huge nerd he really is.
INFO ON CHRISTOPHER MANSON'S MAZE: http://www.intotheabyss.net/
PLAY 'BLACK HOUSE': https://textadventures.co.uk/games/view/j88rplavbe66kkxylunp9g/black-house
REVIEW OF 'BLACK HOUSE' GAME: https://intfiction.org/t/a-review-of-black-house-by-jeff-somers-walkthrough/54450
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Redbreast Cask Strength Pot Still Whiskey and reads from his novel "Forever Man," which is so nice it kind of failed twice.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Basil Hayden Kentucky Straight Bourbon and reads from his novel "Book of Days," which isn't exactly a Failed Novel but grew out of failure nonetheless.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Cirka No. 3 and reads chapter 1 of his failed novel "The Only Time," which bears some eerie (and prescient) similarities to a very successful film franchise.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Nikka From the Barrel whiskey and reads chapter 15 of his failed Avery Cates novel "The King Worm," where mistakes were definitely made.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Courage & Conviction Cuvee and reads chapter one of his failed novel "The Weak Theory of Mike Edelson," which he honestly doesn't even remember writing.
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Author Jeff Somers slums it with Tullamore D.E.W. and reads chapter one of his failed novel "The Very Merry Pranksters," which was a great idea he was too lazy to develop properly.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Old Granddad and reads chapter one of his failed novel "Almost As Delightful," which he was forced to write by his wife.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks Monkey Shoulder whiskey and reads chapter one of his failed novel "The Night Will Echo Back at You."
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Author Jeff Somers drinks Kavalan whiskey and reads chapter one of his failed novel "The Rite of Death."
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Author Jeff Somers drinks Black Whiskey made from black Andean corn and reads chapter one of his failed novel "Collections."
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Basil Hayden Red Wine Cask Finish whiskey and reads his very early short story "The Intergalactic, Pandimensional Light Show," which he wrote when he was 17 years old and published in a zine called "Being" in 1990.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Van Brunt Stillhouse Empire Rye then reads his Avery Cates short story "Pro Bono."
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Author Jeff Somers drinks Nikka Coffey whiskey then reads and discusses a short story he wrote just a few weeks ago, presented without any editing or revision at all, because he likes to live dangerously. And also drinks too much.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks High West Campfire and discusses his novella "A Meek and Thankful Heart," published by Buzzy Mag in 2013.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Uncle Nearest 1856 and discusses his short story "The God of East Baker Street."
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Author Jeff Somers drinks French whiskey and discusses his short story "Friend of the Devil," published in Lullaby Hearse in 2003.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Asbury Park Distilling Double Barrel Bourbon and discusses his short story "Time Will Forgive," published in The Portland Review in 2001.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some 29-year-old single malt whiskey from Bushmills and discusses the evolution of Chapter One of his second novel, "The Electric Church" between 1993 and 2007. www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Wild Turkey and discusses his short story "The Defragmentation of Thomas Crane," which appeared in "The Urban Bizarre" approximately a lifetime ago. www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks Compass Box Artists' Blend and discusses Chapter 10 of his debut novel "Lifers."
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Author Jeff Somers drinks Adnams Single Malt and discusses his short story "Rolls Upon Prank," which is about cats solving a mysterious death and was published in Mystery Weekly in 2018.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks Mellow Corn whiskey and discusses his short story "Up The Crazy," which he wrote to promote his novel "Chum" and its connection to his debut novel "Lifers" via a shared universe.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Matsui Sakura Cask whiskey and discusses his short story "Self-Inflicted, Glorified," which is really two stories in one.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Floki Icelandic whiskey and discusses his short story "When the Man Comes Around."
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Glendalough Cask-strength Irish whiskey and discusses "The Bunker," a short story he wrote in May.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Tin Cup Rye and discusses his short story "Watch the World Die."
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Glenmorangie Lasanta and discusses the first short story to appear in his zine "The Inner Swine," "And I Don't Know the People Who Will Feed Me."
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Yamazaki 12 Year and discusses Chapter 10 of his novel "Chum," published 2013.
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Known sophisticate and author Jeff Somers drinks some basic Wild Turkey and discusses his short story "Supply and Demand," which appeared in "No Bars and A Dead Battery."
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks a Kane Sneak Box or 4 and discusses his short story "Zilla, 2015," which appeared in The Lascaux Review in 2019.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks OEC Brewing's Coolship Lager and discusses how and why his book "Writing Without Rules" came to be, then reads Chapter 1 with a minimum amount of drunkenness.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Redbreast Cask Strength and discusses the Ustari Cycle short story "Nigsu ga Tesgu," which appeared in the anthology Urban Enemies in 2017.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Macallan Double Cask Gold and discusses his short story "Three Cups of Tea," which appeared in the anthology Hanzai Japan in 2015.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Green Spot pot still whiskey and discusses his short story "No Great Trick," which was published by the Drexel Online journal in 2003.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Michter's American Whiskey and engages in some blatant self-promotion by reading and discussing his novella "Fixer," part of his Ustari Cycle series.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Four Roses, struggles with the world's worst memory, and reads his short story "The Hideous Children of Mike Palmerton," which he wrote in 2003 and promptly forgot all about, because he is incompetent.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks Redbreast and contemplates his childhood as he reads his short story "Mr. Benders New House," published by Brutarian Quarterly in 2007. There are a lot of balls in this one.
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A super-sized episode as author Jeff Somers drinks Johnny Walker Black while discussing and reading his novella 'The Ruiner,' published in 2013 by Damnation Books. It's a story inspired by the fact that Jeff once attended every wedding held in North America over a period of 5 years.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks Michter's Sour Mash while discussing and reading his story 'Lone Star. Deep Black. Hum.' It's one of the most recent stories he's completed, and represents his technique of writing a new story every month.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers gets basic and drinks Glenmorangie 10 Year while discussing and reading his story 'The Night Will Echo Back at You,' published by Another Chicago Magazine. The story eventually evolved into the novel 'We Are Not Good People.'
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks Widow Jane Apple Wood Rye Mash and discusses and reads his story 'Charlie O'Brien Lights a Dramatic Cigarette,' inspired by Tarantino movies and published by The Portland Review.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks Whistle Pig Rye and discusses and reads his story 'The Script,' which was inspired by Robert W. Chambers' 'The King in Yellow.'
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Old Grandad and discusses and reads his story 'Negotiator,' which started off as a standalone story and then got subsumed into the novel 'We Are Not Good People' when the novel 'Trickster' sold like a lead balloon.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks Legent bourbon, discusses, and reads his story 'Drum Trial,' which was published in 2008. He talks about stealing from another story for inspiration, and about how he could have gone to the launch party for Legent bourbon because of his freelance writing.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks Glenmorangie Allta and discusses and reads his story 'Howling On for More,' which was published at Black Denim Lit in 2016 (https://www.bdlit.com/howling-on-for-more.html). The story features Jeff's recurring character Philip K. Marks. The whiskey features ... whiskey.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks Coors Lite and discusses the essay "Sift, almost invisible, through long afternoons of tedium: We Don’t Have Much Time: Stop Wasting it at Work" which appeared in The Inner Swine Volume 7, Issue 4, which appeared in the Zine Yearbook in 2002.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks Wild Turkey 101 like a much younger man and discusses his short story 'The Company I Keep,' which appeared in "Life is Short and Then You Die" edited by Kelley Armstrong. Jeff discusses how the story started off as a 60,000+ word novel and was cut down to just 6,000 words.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers uncorks a bottle of Corgi Cardigan whiskey out of Jersey City and discusses his short story 'No Stranger to Frustration.' The discussion includes references to suicide, The Descendents, and how Jeff manages to like himself very much despite acknowledging he's kind of a terrible person.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers uncorks a bottle of Redbreast and discusses his Avery Cates short story 'This Was Education,' which began life as a deleted chapter from an early version of 'The Digital Plague.' He talks about killing off characters you love and how deleted material like this can still be part of a fictional universe. And also talks way too much about his love for Redbreast.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks a barrel bourbon from Astor Wines & Spirits and discusses his short story 'The Unappeasable Host,' which was published in Bare Bone #5 in 2004. A short little piece of horror, the story is all premise and no grace notes. Just like Jeff himself.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers some Togouchi 15-year old blended whiskey from Japan and discusses his short story 'And All the Days Like It,' which was published in The Portland Review Volume 51, Issue 1 in 2003. The story is bleak and depressing so Jeff's extremely drunk by the end of this.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks a few Smoke & Daggers from Jack's Abby brewing and discusses his never-published short story 'Jeff's Ongoing Fugue of Pain,' which began life as a series of incompetent drawings in MS Paint he used to leave on his roommate's computer to passive aggressively express his rage at various things.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks Glenmorangie's The Cadboll Scotch and discusses his short story 'sift, almost invisible, through,' which appeared in the MWA anthology 'Crimes by Moonlight' (edited by Charlaine Harris) in 2010. Inspired by Kolchak: The Night Stalker, The X-Files, and Jeff's deep terror of being photographed, it was the first story featuring his character Philip K. Marks to be published.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Tyrconnel Irish whiskey and discusses his short story 'Dick for Eternity.' Published in the anthology 'The Urban Bizarre' (edited by Nick Mamatas) in 2004. Jeff reflects on the weird mood he was in at the time he wrote it in the closing months of his college career, and how it's an angry and kind of dark story he still finds hilarious despite a strong urge to disavow it completely.
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Author Jeff Somers mixes up a Manhattan against his better judgment when he discusses his short story 'I Don't Even Trust Me.' Published online in 1999, the story can still be read today at www.webdelsol.com, and Jeff retains a lot of affection for its odd structure and experimental nature. He does not, however, retain any affection for cocktails, preferring his whiskey neat like a cowboy.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some awful blackberry brandy to relive his underage boozing days while he discusses the first short story he ever wrote, 'Bricks.' Written when he was 16 so he could join his high school's literary magazine, it is a terrible story, but he's fond of it because it was, after all, his first. Then he reads the story with some atmospheric sound effects, even though the only real sound effect for this very short story is the sound of someone walking. Believe him when he says you're going to need that brandy.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Black Dynomite from 902 Brewing while he discusses his short story 'The Amazing Martin Landawer,' originally published in The Whirligig #3 in 2001 and later in Brutarian in 2006. Then he reads the story with some atmospheric sound effects, which was especially challenging because this story is like 99% interior monologue. Jeff is the real hero here, is what he's saying.
The story was made into a film in 2016, and you can watch it here: https://vimeo.com/162029026.
www.jeffreysomers.com
Author Jeff Somers drinks some Nikka Coffey whiskey while he discusses his short story 'Closer in My Heart to Thee,' originally published in GUD Magazine in 2008. Then when the bottle's half empty he reads the story with some atmospheric sound effects, because nothing says 'I Love You' like locking your spouse up in a room to die alone.
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Author Jeff Somers drinks some Mellow Corn while he discusses the origins of the short story that evolved into the sixth Avery Cates novel, "The Shattered Gears." Then when the bottle's half empty he reads the story with a lot of howling in the background.
Seriously, if howling is a trigger, you've been warned.
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Author Jeff Somers opens a bottle of Jack Daniels to discuss and read the first short story he ever sold for money, "Glad and Big," originally published in Aberrations #34, 1995.
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Author Jeff Somers opens a bottle of Redbreast to discuss and read his short story "In This Slowly Rising City, So Bereft of Company," originally published in The Whirligig #5, 2002.
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Author Jeff Somers discusses and reads his short story "Ringing the Changes," which was selected for Best American Mystery Stories 2006.
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