Clare 's Podcast: Recent Episodes
Clare Dimond
Podcasts exploring the truth of who we are. For more information on programmes referred to visit www.claredimond.com
Psychology could be playing an enormous role in understanding what we are. And yet it's falling short, and that fact is contributing to the mental health crisis that we are finding ourselves in.The statistics are dire: in the last 20 years, antidepressant use in the U.S. has increased fourfold. 25% of people in Europe now suffer from depression or anxiety. Worldwide, depression is now the #1 cause of disability. 300 million people suffer from anxiety and $8 billion a year are spent on mental health medication.
There is clearly something wrong. It shouldn't be the case that human bodyminds need medication to live and flourish. So what's going on? In this episode, we’re going to look at what psychology is, its shortcomings and ways to overcome them.
What is Covered:
-What psychology is and how it currently looks at identity
-Why psychology is falling short of understanding how the mind works
-The dangers of unquestioning identity
-How securing the unquestioned identity contributes to the mental health crisis
-Why the absolute focus on feelings is so unhelpful in the healing process
-The role of medication in this confusion about the mind
-The path to revolutionising mental health
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
Free will, choice, decisions, doership, control - however we call it, the real question behind all these things is, does free will exist at all?
And the answer is that the "I" that I think I am, the "I" that thinks it has free will, the "I" that thinks it should be in control, that "I" doesn't exist. I know it sounds a bit crazy, because the lived experience of being is of a separate individual, but that’s the fundamental confusion of the mind.
So in this episode, I’m going to explore this idea of free will and the quest for control which is completely unfulfillable, and how we can approach it with more sanity and understanding.
What is Covered:
-Why the idea of free will is the epicenter of the confusion of the mind
-Where our behaviour really comes from
-How the belief structure that gives us an idea of what we are is formed
-How to settle the mind into the space of inquiry and observation instead of control
-Where to find the space of actual change and genuine transformation
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
Today we're looking at the biggest question of all, the question at the heart of mental freedom and sanity.
What is reality?
To unpack this question, we’re going to analyse some quotes about reality by Albert Einstein, Deepak Chopra and Steve Chandler. We’re also going to explore the notion of “objective” reality, our self-understanding, the content of our mind and the learned beliefs of what we are. We’re going to strip off the layers from these ideas in order to see what reality really is.
What is Covered:
-Is there an objective reality?
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What makes the content of our mind
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The essence of who we really are
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Why we can’t secure our identity and why the ego is so vulnerable
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How we can manipulate and spiritually bypass our understanding of reality
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What true accountability is
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Exploration and co-evolving our reality as a result of self-interactions
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
What is security is an enormous question. As security is explored, we can start to see that the more the mind associates security in either external circumstances or an inner realm of experiences being a certain way, the more the mind becomes confused and our lives become disrupted when things change beyond our control. That sets up existence as being vulnerable and shaky, and our lives become smaller, more rigid and more dependent as the mind becomes lost in the grip of factors being the source of security.
So in this episode, we’re going to dive into security and consider that the only source of genuine security is in whatever doesn't change. So what is that that doesn’t change and that helps us feel secure?
What is Covered:
-What we normally consider as the sources of security and why that brings us suffering
-Why the bodymind system that is programmed to react to perceived threats is at the same time normal and insane
-Physical survival vs. identity survival
-What really doesn’t change and what is there prior to life and to content?
-How we can stop the blind search for security and cultivate a more open mind
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
The search for peace is at the heart of so much of what we do. Our actions, our words and relationships are all done in order to try to bring about peace and ease of emotional and situational being. It’s all very understandable and logical, because as a baby, we live completely in the present, with no concept of past and future, so peace is actually what we are. Once our mind develops and starts learning, planning, and understanding, it starts creating concepts and beliefs about our identity, and so our search for peace begins from that place of belief and conviction of separation.
But when we start exploring the search for peace for what it really is, it starts a transformation in everything, from our motivation to our relationships and desires. So in this episode, we’re going to start unpacking what peace is and how to look at the search for peace from a place of openness and inquiry.
What is Covered:
-What peace is and why our mind is conditioned to search for it
-Why our search for peace seems to be unsuccessful
-How to get excited about not being peaceful
-How to build capacity for discomfort when we’re experiencing suffering
-The egoic challenge and confusion of constantly looking for peace
-How to let go of control and start cultivating an inquiring mind
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
Shame, which I also refer to as an existential wrongness, is a deep feeling of being somehow responsible for everything that we feel is messed up within us. That ongoing sense of deep wrongness comes from the most fundamental confusion about the mind, about the body, and about our behaviour.
However, shame is both our greatest suffering and the point at which there can be the greatest sanity about what the mind is and what we really are. There are examples of people who’d hit rock bottom and were even on the brink of suicide, and then at the lowest point, something happens and there's a shift within the mind in which shame just cannot exist anymore.
In this episode, we’re going to explore why we feel shame, the confusion that creates shame in the first place, but also the accountability of our perceiving mind for everything that happens to us and how we can get rid of the shame.
What is Covered:
-Why shame is the ultimate confusion, why it’s insane and illogical
-The toxic belief system that perpetuates shame and makes our life miserable
-How to see shame as a gift of an emotion
-Does it really make sense to get rid of the shame?
-Why we are so focused on ourselves when we feel shame
-What is source accountability or impersonal accountability?
-How to find the place where shame ends and clarity and openness begin
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
For all of us, in some area of our life, it might be that it feels just like a struggle, like we're pushing water uphill, and the more we try, the more the thing that we want moves away from us. Or otherwise, it might be that we want more money or more clients, but we don't even know where to begin. Maybe we want better health, we want to be stronger, fitter, more flexible, and yet there just isn't that motivation in us.
So what is going on when the thing that we want just isn't coming into our lives at all? This question is a way into having a profoundly different relationship with the mind and with the behaviour that unleashes the superpowered mind. Although it might seem a million miles away, the solution is actually already there, and it is so possible for all of us.
So how do we get there?
What it Covered:
-The #1 confusion when it comes to not getting what we want
-How come that our self and the thing we want are made of the same thing
-The most common problem with getting what we want in relationships
-The conflicting wants inside of us that prevent us from getting what we want
-How to recognise the mismatch between our different desires and start getting them into alignment
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
This week, we are looking at the origin of personality and the 'me' that thinks it has a personality.
We can define personality as the tendencies, traits and preferences, the ways of being and behaving that are the result of both nature and nurture. They're our genetic inheritance and they are how those genes are activated as a result of the individual experience.
So our personality arises and develops over time, but can it fundamentally change? And is our personality really ‘our fault’? This is what we’re exploring in this episode.
What is Covered:
-How our personality is formed into identity
-What the bases of introversion and extroversion are
-How introverts can become extroverts and vice versa
-Why personality tests are not to be taken as definite
-Why is ‘is my personality my fault?’ a wrong question to ask
-How and why our personality can shift profoundly
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
There is an interesting connection between addictions and the individual belief system. All behaviour, including addictions and compulsions, is the product of whatever subconscious conditioning is in operation. There is no separate decider. As this becomes more obvious, harmful, toxic and problematic behaviour that was carried out to secure the ‘separate me’ falls away.
The problem with addictions is that we normally operate from an unquestioned belief that inside every mind, there is an independent chooser that is making independent decisions. In this episode, we’re going to unpack that belief in relation to addictions, and start making a shift towards sanity and the end of unproductive behaviours and habits.
What Is Covered:
-Understanding the vicious circle of control and shame around our addictions
-How the behaviour that we’re trying to change actually happens
-Why it’s pivotal to explore the absence of a central decider inside our mind
-How experience shifts from identified mind to an open, learning mind
-How a radically different approach to addiction can reveal the truth of what you are
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
Every day I speak to people who have intense fears. It can be in any area of life: fear of public speaking, of driving, fear for their health, fear of dying, of not having enough money, of being rejected, and all other areas of life.
What they're wanting, and what I wanted so desperately when I was in the midst of my public speaking phobia, was for the fear to just be taken away. But the absolute irony at the heart of fear is that the desperation for it to go away is exactly what's keeping it in place.
So what do we do to break this vicious circle? Let’s find out in this episode.
What Is Covered:
-The dual core of many mental health problems including fear, anxiety and panic attacks
-Why the fear won’t go away from the body and mind and what to do about it
-How to understand fear as a gift and start questioning the constructs of the mind
-The connection between fear and the projections of our identified mind
-How to start shifting your mind away from control and towards curiosity and freedom
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
Trauma is a distressing event that we can't cope with; that the body-mind system in that period of time doesn't have the capacity to assimilate, to recognise what's going on within the body in relation to it, or to talk about or find a way through it.
Often these traumas happen during childhood, because the child is completely dependent on the caregiver for their survival. And if there isn't the support of the caregiver for the child in that moment to deal with the frightening event, that trauma becomes part of the body and of the superpowered child’s mind.
So today’s topic is a very big and important one - how past trauma influences our perception of reality, and how, through healing, understanding and integration, our traumas can become superpowers of sanity, compassion and freedom.
What is Covered:
-How trauma creates a lens through which we see everything
-Why our experiences can never be reliable
-What indicates that the past is projecting onto our present experiences
-The importance of support when dealing with past trauma
-How to find peace, freedom and authenticity in our past experiences
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
Our mind is so powerful that it is literally able to cut itself off from reality. It believes whatever it is conditioned to believe. So all the suffering and unhappiness that we’re experiencing, for many of us comes from a deep fear, deep insecurity, a sense of lack, and the shame at the heart of not living up to expectations, of not comparing well to the people around us, and of having habits, addictions and emotions that we can't control.
In this episode, we’re going to explore how we can better understand this struggle, how it draws attention to the incredible power and creativity of our mind, and the freedom of realising these things.
What is Covered:
-Why the mind is our greatest asset
-How the misunderstanding of the power of our mind creates suffering and unhappiness
-The conditioning of our mind and why the problem and the solution can never come from the same place
-How to recognise the conscious and the settled mind
-What spirituality is really all about
-How to become more curious about our experience of suffering and struggle
-How to start gaining mental freedom and align our mind with reality
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
What do we really mean when we talk about a superpowered mind?
A superpowered mind is completely sane, completely in reality, with full access to all the data available right now, as well as all the resources of that individual's experience, including the experience beyond the personal, in the nebulous space of the universal subconscious.
This is all our birthright. The human mind is designed to be like this. So in this episode, we’re going to dive into the superpowered mind and how to start releasing its full potential in three stages.
What is Covered:
-Why we’re struggling to access our superpowered mind
-The three stages of realising the mind’s full potential
-The lost mind and why it’s absorbed in suffering
-Personal patterns, recognition of our conditioning and ongoing struggle
-Impersonal accountability or the liberation of the superpowered mind
-What it means that “there is no doer” and that “the perceive is accountable”
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
Let’s start with the most fundamental aspect of the origin of existence and experience of existence - the nature of the human mind.
So, what is the mind?
A simple question which we might not have ever inquired into, but which unlocks the entire understanding of ourselves and of reality. Everything begins with that question. In this episode, we’re going to dive into what the mind is, the two aspects of it, and how the brilliance of the human mind sometimes becomes our downfall.
What is Covered:
-The two aspects of the mind: the conscious and the unconscious
-How the conscious mind works
-What the identified mind is
-What the subconscious mind is and how it manifests
-Are we really making our decisions and choosing our actions?
-How we can better understand the brilliance of the mind
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
Welcome to the inaugural episode of my new show, Superpowered Mind! This weekly podcast is for enquiring individuals who are tired of the struggle for peace, happiness and clarity.
I'm Clare Dimond, a certified coach who has worked with thousands of people around the world and the author of nine books on the mind and its potential. I am also an NLP trainer, BA Psych, MBA, yoga and meditation teacher and master hypnotist. I’m ready to help you explore the principles of the mind, the self and reality to unlock ultimate mental freedom.
Every day I speak with people with exceptional minds, who are highly intelligent, creative, imaginative, and very able to problem-solve and to think analytically. The one thing that these people have in common is some degree of struggle or suffering that shows up in their lives - whether in their relationships, career, finances, health, habits, their community or in their sense of being.
With my years of training and experience in helping the mind settle into its innate well-being, intelligence and creativity, I support individuals and groups in a deep exploration of where that struggle is coming from. Because always and without fail, the struggle and suffering come from an attempt to find peace, freedom and happiness where it cannot possibly be found.
Our minds are brilliant, but the brilliance of the mind and the struggle go hand in hand. It's my absolute privilege to untangle the misunderstandings, the insanities, the beliefs and the confusions, so that the mind is genuinely set free. On this show, we're going to look at all the different elements involved in the confusion and in the liberation of the mind.
If you're ready to experience the capabilities of the Superpowered Mind, keep listening!
Resources:
-Download our exclusive recording Free Subliminal: Supporting the Enquiring Mind bit.ly/podcastsubliminal
-Learn more about me and my work at https://claredimond.simplero.com/
-Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/claredimondreal
-Let’s connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-dimond-b533007/
-Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/clare_v_dimond/
This is our last but one podcast for a little while. A brand new version is going to be launched on 20 March.
There will be a Super-powered mind launch party on-line at 5-8pm GMT with special guests talking about their understanding of the mind. This is free and open to all. You are welcome to bring friends.
Register to join the launch party:
https://streamyard.com/watch/gKU8UZb5uv77
I would gratefully welcome your support for the launch. To get involved and win some prizes, please join our WhatsApp group.
WhatsApp group
https://chat.whatsapp.com/EzcQCBV1Orj1PaieTrjOis
Thank you for all your support over the last four years. It has been an absolute pleasure to have that connection with you.
Love Clare
28c9973851340b540c38c1f2c0a8b9b375def44c
This is our last but one podcast for a little while. A brand new version is going to be launched on 20 March.
There will be a Super-powered mind launch party on-line at 5-8pm GMT with special guests talking about their understanding of the mind. This is free and open to all. You are welcome to bring friends.
Register to join the launch party:
https://streamyard.com/watch/gKU8UZb5uv77
I would gratefully welcome your support for the launch. To get involved and win some prizes, please join our WhatsApp group.
WhatsApp group
https://chat.whatsapp.com/EzcQCBV1Orj1PaieTrjOis
Thank you for all your support over the last four years. It has been an absolute pleasure to have that connection with you.
Love Clare
Support the show
In eastern practices anger is at its heart an energy of clarity. How does this relate - if at all - to our conversation? @Clare . Is anger justified? I have read that it is the force that moves the world
I recently listened to the Driving Fear post on SAFE Day 11. I too have moments whilst driving where I fear swallowing the wrong way, choking and losing control of the car. It only happens sometimes, maybe when i become aware of myself. This swallowing thing happens at other times too, maybe if out for a meal, or if someone asked me something and it requires a lengthy answer, or in the company of many.
My question is how can I best deal with these situations of choking and self obsession? Block it out or push through like i always do and regard myself as lucky it didn't happen? I have swallowed the wrong way many times and it's the most awful scary experience. At times when I haven't been worried. By pure accident rushing around. All experiences I panic because windpipe is blocked and I'm suffocating. It's horrible even recalling it.
Can you talk about motivation . If there is no other, no reality then why would we do anything? Why are you doing this podcast for example?
I sat down with a child one day to ask
how does it feel for him. he had become violent to another Child I said we need to discuss this as this behaviour is not acceptable, I asked him why he became angry and violent he looked at me for a while and said these words to me It feels like I'm in Disgrace land as i sat there taking those words in, I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time because I know disgrace Land only too well but I've never heard anyone say it quite like him so my only thought, as we were both siting there was this how do we get us both out of this land x
A conversation with Helen Amery and Amy Johnson about the Enlightenment Event.
For information about how to join the Event, click here
For information about Dr Amy Johnson's work click here
I was listening to a video where a teacher was describing his understanding of "free will". The teacher was sharing that freedom comes from awareness. He went on to say that before awareness, we are programmed to operate from the conditioned mind. We are identified with it and in that state there is no free will. Once we begin to wake up, it appears we can choose not to operate from our conditioned mind or a thought but we can choose differently from presence, awareness.
From what I've learned, choice is never in the hands of a separate me but rather action that happens that makes sense in the moment to a mind/body system. So is there "free will" (choice) and if so is that just another way to describe a sane mind? Less and less identification with thought, an idea of a separate me?
The truth is that I get confused when teachers talk about you and choice when in our work, we say there is no doer and no choice. How can I sort that out so there is less confusion?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this ‘choice/no choice paradox’.
“It is equally true that we have every choice and that we have no choice. (That is one of those famous Zen paradoxes we must grow into.)
Through awareness practice, we come to see that our world continues to be the same not because that's the way the world is but because we continue to make the same choices. Making the same choices is the result of unquestioningly believing the same beliefs and assuming the same assumptions.”
~ Cheri Huber
I came across your podcast about a year ago and love your take on non-duality and the crucial piece of allowing the experience to be had rather than using a non-dual conversation to bypass it.
I have a question regarding the 15th February episode where you talk about going in deeper where there is discomfort or anxiety, and in the case of your friend with the anxiety about driving, to drive as much as possible.
Over recent years, I have come to see that there was narcissistic abuse taking place in my family of origin. This discovery, together with exploring where behaviour really comes from, has been both painful and liberating and has shed an entirely new light on my tendency to prioritise pleasing others over my wellbeing.
My parents are separated and now my mum is in her 70s and showing signs of dementia. She is even more emotionally fragile than she has always been. In her world, she knows better than everyone and has to teach them or put them in their place, and she will be vitriolic towards anyone who doesn’t see the world as she does. It has always been this way but now it’s like the filters are gone and it’s expressed much more openly. I can see the innocence in it and yet, it doesn’t make any sense to me to engage with her or spend time with her. It doesn’t feel right to make myself available as an emotional dumping ground, and there’s a jolt to the nervous system when she is aggressive towards me, which then impacts on how I function in my own life.
So my question is, in a case like this, what’s the difference between having boundaries and going in deeper where there’s discomfort? I don’t think you are saying this but sometimes it feels like you are saying that I should spend as much time as I can hanging out with my mum so that I can feel the discomfort. My whole nervous system screams NO to that, and it seems that limiting or perhaps even ceasing contact would make sense for the health of THIS bodymind. Would you say that this is bypassing? Also I know in reality, no one else is coming to sort out care for her and I will have to have some sort of contact with her as part of this process.
Thank you for reading this and I would absolutely love to hear your take on it.
I am trying to break down my fears and understand what is behind then. Maybe due to my upbringing and environmental factors an learned behaviour, it seems I've always compared myself, been too self conscious, low self worth, self critical, etc. But behind it all I think i protect myself from being judged, found out; humiliated. It's all about the presence of others. It is such a strong force that it keeps me from doing stuff for fear of all those very things. I know we are all equal but it doesn't feel like that, or should I say, that is my perception.
Thank you so much for the reply to my question in the Podcast "Protection" 2 February.
It's taken me a while to let your words settle and really start to look deeper into the separate "me" that is still lurking! Initially my body/mind wanted to reject and ignore what you were saying - there was quite a visceral response in my body - punch to the stomach, anger and annoyance. So slowly and with a few days in between, I have listened to the episode a few times now over the last week and each time I am to see a little more.
One part that I have found helpful, is where you said something along the lines of "the whole protection campaign continually maintains the inner psychological belief system" and "how the actual act of avoidance - eg. not going to the social occasion/party, etc in order to protect that self, is providing more evidence that I shouldn't go. Which in turn reconfirms the belief system, embedding it further." No wonder we feel like we are in a never ending loop!
So even with fear and anxiety about what might never happen - I now move forward to do the challenging things!
What I have realised is that up to know and all my life is this huge separation of me from others self blame and self discomfort. Wishing I was one of my friends (growing up). I've just labelled myself all my life. I am this, I am sensitive, its my upbringing, I was lonely, I wasn't the popular one, she, hated attention, wanting to fit in. It goes on and on. Feeling I am abnormal, that i have a problem, I can't do this or attend that and standing out like a sore thumb for fear of humiliation, ny secret being revealed. Family and friends pitying me. This great importance of what i am. All of this concerns I, ME, SELF hugely and that's why it's such a huge issue in my life because I am looking for a reason, someone or thing to blame for my behaviour... like divorces parents, an anxious mum, so this is why I am the way I am. I an convinced I'm stuck with all of this. By removing ME removes blame and reason. It is very hard to do but I cam see its the answer.
Just reflecting on connection being a biological imperative to ensure survival as a newborn.
Could this tie in with why as we mature we replace the secure attachment needed from our primary caregivers by trying to secure the experience of being ?
My sister has recently 'gaslit' me more than once and has now 'ghosted' me. She did pull me in originally ... until I stepped back and realised.
But now there's silence because she won't talk to me, saying it stresses her out.
So I feel stuck. Yes, I did want something from this other person - and now I must not.
Am I looking for where "I am" doing this (or have done this) in some area of my life please?
I just wanted to let you know that the Energy Course was brilliant how much it has opened up and deepened my curiosity and inquiry into "Who am I". Thank you so much for your wonderful guidance and help in opening up the cracks, enabling me to see so much more.
My question relates initially to Day 28 "Takeaways" video and then secondly to the Podcast question from 30th January regarding Energy and Capacity.
You spoke about social situations and the use of alcohol as a coping tool in the Day 28 video. What if "avoidance" instead of alcohol is used to cope? For example, making social situations as something to avoid - easier to not go than cope with fear, humiliation, anxiety, etc.
This is an area in my life that I have been looking more and more at recently. I see myself going to some social occasions now - but there still appears to be a lot of thinking and physical symptoms around them. Some occasions I just find myself not attending - this is then followed with shame, lack, remorse - why can't I just go, what is there to fear, dreading the next one.
And then I listened to today's podcast (30 Jan) regarding Energy and Capacity. Brilliant question and answer! Near the end, what I took from it was, that there is no capacity at all to be with an experience, when all energy is used to protect and try and keep in place "that version of myself". Why do I need to protect "that version of myself"? I'm curious now? What's in it for the "ME"?
I'm going a little round in circles with the being movement and the document. I found great value in creating the document and identifying negative self beliefs that were under the surface and creating I am statements. However something is holding me back from speaking the document each day as it feels like "doing" being. When I am connected to my being, it feels like nothing else is required. I would love your input on this as I can see people have enormous value from this , however I want to be careful it does not play into securing the ego and identity.
A little while back you mentioned Human Design (which I know very little about), and it made me wonder how a system like that can fit with the understanding you talk about here. I would have thought trying to fit our experience into some system would only take us several steps further away from reality. But maybe I misconstrued what you were saying in the first place, or else there's something I'm not seeing (very likely) that renders such systems helpful even in this understanding. Is it possible you could enlarge upon this, please?
Was wondering about the connection between capacity & energy?
Is there a certain amount of energy that is in the body-mind and is distributed/needed for different tasks and processes. And in body mind fortresses were built through conditioning, shocks, trauma ets. with closed doors on which is written STOP PAINFUL - DO NOT ENTER. And energy is spent to keep those doors closed & protected and nothing is left for capacity.
Totally on board with oneness in the moment of all that is true being intelligence in action and any separation coming from conditioning beliefs generating by lack or fear. What I can’t get my head around is are we saying that if there is no reality that life is an illusion because all those experiences of oneness are momentary then disappear? This leaves me feeling wobbly…
re. seeking love, validation & approval.
Do you think we can ever be truly free of seeking these things? I know that I need validation & approval far less and I am not looking for it a lot of the time. However there is still a small part of me that wants to be loved, recognised & approved of & despite being present with it when the need arises.Maybe I am asking the wrong question as I am wanting this suffering to end in me , the mind tells me it is wrong to want these human needs
There is a lot problematic going on in self, life and family of late. It is around mental health, physical health, relationship issues, house problems, slow down of beloved work, end of life care and all within this dark SAD time of year.
I could list them all out specifically, yet I’m conscious that wouldn’t be a helpful practice.
Very clear signs of overwhelm, stress, depression and anxiety in self are prevalent.
In your latest wonderful book you share “moments of suffering are the greatest of gifts in our life’s.”
“Enough of the fucking gifts!!!”
They say things comes in threes and this is closer to 33.
You can these situations in life The Field.
I am getting very muddy.
I SEE that this is a glorious opportunity to get curious and explore within.
What happens when it just feels endless and totally overwhelming?
I'm curious about your invitation to sit with the discomfort and bring it in closer, inquire about what is actually real, rather than avoid or numb with distraction. Sometimes I have the where with all to do this yet a lot of the time I can be in brain fog / overwhelm / busy mindedness / emotional reactivity and the distraction of going for a walk, doing Wordle, having sex (I wish more often), jumping in cold water helps my mind settle and I can then more clearly see what is actually real and what needs doing. I see these activities to complement being able to inquire and take a look rather than escapism although I can see it's that too.
My question is whether it is alway sensible, realistic, even desirable to expect oneself to have the wherewithal to stay with the discomfort and bring it closer.
I am trying to break down my fears and understand what is behind then. Maybe due to my upbringing and environmental factors an learned behaviour, it seems I've always compared myself, been too self conscious, low self worth, self critical, etc. But behind it all I think i protect myself from being judged, found out; humiliated. It's all about the presence of others. It is such a strong force that it keeps me from doing stuff for fear of all those very things. I know we are all equal but it doesn't feel like that, or should I say, that is my perception.
how do you know whether you’re genuinely orientated towards the truth or secretly using this exploration to solve your problems / resolve your stresses and strife?
Completely understand the importance of where we direct our energy. When experiencing immense bouts of anxiety energy is so misused that the body becomes weak, breathless, shaky, jumpy, nauseous, and fragile. My question is does, or, will this suffering cause any actual harm to our mind or body in the long run? Surely it has an effect on our defenses over time after repeated bouts? This concerns me.
Its about the war in the middle east. I have for the mostpart been cutting myself off and trying not to think about it as the stories coming out are just so so horrific.. The stuff of horror films and nightmares. So much hate, loss, grief, and unimaginable suffering. When I do allow myself to think about it, I just feel utter despair and sadness.
So heres my question. Is all this just a reflection of human consiousness right now? And if it is, it seems the only solution must be to simply go within and ask myself honestly, where do i feel hate, rage, seek revenge, make others suffer, etc etc. Would you agree?
So all the futile attempts by goverments for deals/ peace agreements or whatever, is none of that needed or necessary? Is it all down to us as humans one by one to find peace and dissolve conflict within and then the outside world would automtically follow suit?
Also, since the war is in the middle east, i was wondering if this particularly reflects the level of consiousness/inner conflicts of those living there and those most affected? Or would you say it could have happened anywhere and is a reflection of humanity in general?
Would love your views..this topic to me seems so heated and hard to bring up for fear of attack..but I guess thats just more reflection...hall of mirrors, cant escape it, sending so much love,
I feel like I've asked this question in many forms, but here I am again. I've just watched your latest video in the "Energy" course. I was shouting out to it, "but I do move into the space of discomfort, in fact it feels like there's no choice about it!" The retraumatization that you talk about is seen so clearly and of course it's depleting my energy. Over the past few years I've decided that it's not worth my short or long term health anymore. I've been applying to any job where I feel like I can at least cover my bills. No interviews have been offered. I have lots of stories about that too as I've done all the research and any housework that seems necessary. I also shouted at the podcast about you saying that if the listener wanted another job they would have one. I seem to shout at you a lot even though I love you like crazy! I ask the big questions and stay in my body as much as possible. I don't have the capacity to do this all the time therefore, I"m not in that place where you've been, where you didn't care about what came up for you in the talk you gave. I've listened to another of your podcasts about it being more difficult for people who've been harshly conditioned or traumatized. This is the situation here. I therefore, have thoughts about how it's always going to be like this and the trap gets tighter and tighter.
I'm not exactly sure what my question is now, except that I'm very envious of the people who see thru it all and then suddenly it's magical or at least it seems like things fall away and there's a larger capacity. Can the forcing of the facing of things be too much for the system especially when the programming is strong? I did this job for 2 decades without a problem and now the brain rewiring is also a story I tell myself about.
This is quite a long winded question, but if you can make heads or tails of it, it would be much appreciated.
Thank-you Clare. I have so much love for you. Most of the time I'm not shouting at your videos and podcasts, instead they resonate deeply, and yet nothing shifts so there's huge frustration. There's the feeling of haven't I suffered enough already! Ughhhh
Just reflecting on energy. More specifically the amount of energy that as stated by Adyashanti it takes to maintain those illusory beliefs,the false narrative ,the conditioning ,the projection of the I at the centre of a created reality as opposed to being alive, in flow, whole, true and home. My question is are we saying that we do not have a mind i.e it is a maladaptive programme running on false data. Or that the mind does exist but that inner engineering is required to make it work in service of us as human beings. Hope this makes sense ?
I am still marvelling at the shifts happening on a daily basis at the moment.
I forgot to mention on our call about how out of seemingly no-where I find myself doodling, drawing, painting, making shapes out of paper napkins…. having never done anything like that before and swearing I didn’t have a creative bone in my body !
This really is like magic!
Good morning, my dear Clare
I just finished listening to your utterly brilliant response to the participant in your Energy course who is struggling with histamine issues. My mind was immediately transported back to 2019 when I was taking all of you courses, and when I took REAL for the second time in October of that year, my own histamine symptoms went through the roof! I was terrified. And yet, something kept my ass on the seat in your course. My mind hated every word you said, and my body’s histamine symptoms increased and morphed daily as I continued the exploration.
And then, for whatever reason I’ll never know, something deep within me really SAW that the symptoms were BRILLIANT. They were my greatest teachers. Something within me stopped fighting them so much. There was a knowing that the actual physical symptoms were somehow doing amazing work on behalf of this exploration and expansion. By December, they diminished and by January, they were gone altogether. They simply were no longer needed. Now, I see the beauty and intelligence in the body’s sensations and symptoms. I recently wrote a love letter to my brilliant body with all its adorable little idiosyncrasies.
I’ve attached it in case you’d like to read it.
Thank you, Clare, for always pointing us INTO the very core of the body, the sensations, and the emotions.❤️ So very helpful.
Love Missy
https://www.missymaioranocoaching.com/blog/a-letter-to-my-body
These last few days have been really uncomfortable and at times painful, as I am staying with what’s going on. No numbing, no trying to change it. I feel the pain, I feel the grief as I see again and again where my mind goes to… the stories it tells, the narrative that’s been going on for so long, most of the time unnoticed.
“Unconscious mind activity makes you unhappy” says Eckhart Tolle, and I am seeing more of this activity now. I am experiencing “feeling” like I’m unwanted, ‘low vibe’, ‘a failure’… The deep feeling of not ‘enoughness’, and of rejection.
I was reflecting on that today, and the fact that some people weren’t answering my messages (yet), and how my mind was going to habitual and painful narratives. I realized again how these were opportunities I am thankful for. Opportunities to actually observe those narratives.
And less than five minutes later, I received a message… haha! A wink from the Universe, like a confirmation.
“Yeah! You’ve unlocked the next level at the game of life.”
All of it is a mirror. Life is mirroring ‘yourself’ back to you.
This story of rejection is a very old story, but what is new is seeing the nuances and being present when it emerges, instead of lost in the mind’s story. And I am so grateful for that, because this is the key to the prison’s door. This is freedom, “Feel the pain and know that you are free”
I’ve not asked a podcast questions since ‘Find the narcissist in you’ many, many moths ago, so here’s a new question inspired by page 66 of GAME…
Whist I get the subjective lens of the character, is it True that there is NO absolute reality?
On today's podcast on truth you talk about Truth being beyond the mind. I've long been curious as to how all similar concepts that we might lump under "ethics", "eternal values" or "the verities" fit in with non-duality. Is it all relative in the Real, in the field beyond good and evil, with no place at all for absolutes? I've been rereading C. S. Lewis's "The Abolition of Man", and he does make a lot of sense about the pitfalls of trying to live in a world where all values are relative. But maybe if it's all ultimately love, that subsumes everything?
I'm loving the Energy Course that we are doing at the moment. Day 4 video WOW - I found everything you said just seemed to almost flow through me, making complete and utter sense.
I have a question for you - one area I seem to struggle and get caught up in still, is my health (believed to be caused by high histamine levels). My mind/body system still wants to resist the energetic flow of Intelligence/life and shift back to a Reality of fear, confusion, insecurity when the physical symptoms appear.
Interestingly over the last few months, these symptoms have become a lot worse, continually changing in how they present themselves. Along with that, there has been the growing frustration and annoyance around what I can eat, drink, how much rest, etc and wanting to give it all up and just eat what I want. Then again fear, confusion and insecurity appear.
Why does this area still look so real - the physical symptoms keep changing and reappearing as more severe? Are the symptoms pointing me towards the resistance? Where to go with this?
I am finding myself at a lockdown all thought believed but unable to see a way through this. My husband died in 2015 when i was 51 and 3 months later my brother committed suicide. At the time of his death he was under mental health care. I believed 100% that he wouldnt kill himself, and tried to constantly tell my parents that he wouldnt and that it was all attention seeking, but he did. He hung himself and had a massive heart attack and was not dead when found and taken to hospital and put on life support, after brain scans he was deemed as brain dead and we had to make the decission to turn off his life support. His actual passing was traumatic for my Mum his son, wife and myself. So much guilt.
Moving on my son 34yrs suffers with his mental health and i cannot see that this is ok. everything in me wants to secure him to secure myself and not have to face this again. I understand i cannot control anyone or anything but the ongoing fear of this is agonising and not good for our relationship. What my mind says is well you cant control anything so you know this can happen again, which i know is true and i cant see this any other way and any attempt to feel into it just blocked, nonething.
If you have time to reply to me i would greatly appreciate it, i just dont know how to approach this.
I havent been on holiday abroad since 2017. In June 2018 I was ill with GAD and couldn't go on holiday with my husband and daughter. I came back in taxi and they went alone. That same year in November 1st my husband aged 51 passed away from sepsis at the hospital I worked at for 16 years, due to negligence. We won our case it was an awful experience. My anxieties are more to do with me all my life and are not about my husband if you understand what I mean. Grief is a completely emotion. I was very strong I have been told. I have been in a new healthy relationship for 2 years now and both our children get on amazingly. No problems at all, only my personal anxieties that never go away. So the main issue is going on holiday abroad. All the family want to go and I am having to say no I can't. I feel like a let down as I know everyone wants to go but I'm so afraid to commit in case the same thing happens because when I am hit by my anxiety I am very ill and I spiral right down to the pit of doom. I know the answer is to do the thing but I'm so afraid. That's why I'm doing your courses. You're the only person who seems to resonate in a different way. X
Seems to me that I have chosen to put myself into Reset to feel all the feelings or the identity has but my concern is, is that healthy for me?
By saying there is nothing to gain, I get it but, I am here to gain something, some kind of change to the endless suffering. Aren’t we all here for something, some gain, change or peace from pain?
The premise of Reset, seems to be re-traumatisation in order to see through the made up self-identity/story of me. It is based on a belief that this is true. How do we know what is true?
What does 'you are not broken' mean and what are the world's therapists, psychologists and counsellors doing if it is true?
Is the aim to not go into your mind as a separate entity and view the world outwards without running it through the I filter if that makes sense?
Can personality be altered of who we are at our core? Can I change my comfort in routine and and discomfort in change? Will that ever fall away or is that my personality?
I love listening to you, and look forward to next weeks, final webinar. I find myself feeling like I’ve been told suddenly that the sky is not blue, having been a student of the three principles and the idea that it’s all a thought that brings us pain. I have been sad most of my life and have done everything to feel it and exorcise this unhappiness. And yet it persists. Years of therapy, Hypnosis, breath, work, mushroom work, 3P’s on and on. I don’t understand how much more I can feel this pain to be rid of it. I know where it’s from and have had deep feelings about it.
What am I missing? I’m confused.
I have just listened to Elana's conversation around her fear of driving and its 1 mile boundary. This has been so helpful to me as right at the moment I am sitting in intense fear around the fact that my husband has had to travel interstate for an overnight business trip today. This is a situation that I have had a lot of fear around for awhile now. Over the last couple of years he has managed to only travel interstate on day trips, so home in the evenings. The day trips are now something that I don't see a lot of fear or thought around anymore.
So from what I heard in the conversation and then saw for myself is that exploration of the fear is the key here. Having the fear - with all its intensity - around whatever boundaries we have created and exploring it with curiosity. I see there is an overnight stay, some alone time for me and whatever else arises. Am I on the right track with exploring this fear.
Such a delight seeing you again. For me, the webinar was super clear. I loved your fun and enthusiasm.
Sometimes, I notice that noticing sensations is just happening. At those times, it feels like coming home. Other times, I notice a mind that desperately wants to feel sensations because of the assumption that if it does that, some magic enlightenment will happen. Of course, at those times i don’t experience the feeling of coming home at all.
The logical question seems to be: “what can I do about this”? But I don’t think that question is helpful. Because it is coming from the separate self. So.. no question. Just a quick reply. Keep up the good work!
Still wrestling with the idea of non-duality.
In order to see what is true and real the concept of you i.e. the narrative needs to be silenced bracketed or ignored ?
I feel there is a light bulb moment coming but not quite there yet.
I see that choice is happening and, similarly, values are being created - innocently.
If I discover that someone has a different value (which upsets me and has me saying "I would never do that" as you mentioned in the podcast), must I necessarily be doing the same thing to someone in my life (I think this is what I heard)? I can, of course, see that I can be unreasonable, selfish, unfeeling - but not in the exact same circumstances, so the hurt does not fall away to just know this!
I can find a certain amount of peace in knowing that I cannot know or explain the conditioning that resulted in their action / response, and neither can they. They are innocent - no separate self. But there remains the expectation of the same value being expressed again in future and so, as I see it, the relationship must shift. Or is there something I can pursue here, something I've missed, so the hurt / blame could fall away instead?
Duality is a confusion of the mind created by a set of beliefs which run the programming and inhibit what is true and real .
Woke up with this thought . Am I on the right track ?
As I move forward in the world of dating. More and more insecurities pop up about my appearance. Sometimes I feel ok, other times I become hyperfocused on parts of my face that I want to change. Ok, it this is a constant narrative that gets louder or goes quiet for a while. I definitely feel like there is dysmorphia not so much with the body. This has been around from about the age of 12. I know it has nothing to do with me. I have sat with the feelings, know the theory, know I can not secure my identity by feeling attractive, however when something big in my life comes up it is very loud!
'There is absolutely nothing in the past that you can change. That's basic physics.' Bad Advice Wednesday
So on your last podcast about being of service. You said it’s better to ask what is true. I’m confused exactly what that means. How do you go about finding out what is true. Are there any examples?
Yes, today really clarified that EVERYTHING IN EVERY MOMENT is a reflection of the past conditioning. I hadn't realised the full extent of that before. Now what if that conditioning is so profoundly embedded into what materialises, there is no distinct feeling in the experiences to feel into? No "pain" of separation even if separation is believed. Is just the observation and understanding of the truth enough for things to fall away
For incredible free materials and information about the excellent courses that Dominic is offering: https://www.dominicscaffidi.com
Back to that old feeling of not being able to move on.
Why is it that moving on seems impossible to some and easy for others
Is it because the memories make the feeling seem real still and yet my life is moving faster now that age is creeping in?
It’s like an extremely windy day and if the grip of the hand wrapped around the pole loosens, being sucked away. Ouch, a passing thought right then came to light when writing this, trying to show something.
My life feels like this, trying to show me something. Letting go, it’s this, yet memories hold life together, feels like no memories no life.
Yet here my body is, resting writing this, a knowing that it’s present, a million miles have passed by, is the holding on the process of letting go, to free kife from this entanglement x
hi lovely i was trying to write something on your survey, but I couldn't write to you like that as it doesn't feel right Clare i have to write directly to you and then it flows well Clare that afternoon as i was sitting there somehow i ended sitting where everybody was looking because you both was alongside of me, and I could feel that i was ticking my shoulders were going my eyes were going and my hands couldn't stop moving as I was sitting there I felt everyone was looking my way and they could see me so I held onto my jeans with all my heart, because it was breaking open every single shame and fear was in that room that day for me and I had nowhere to hide I felt my body running as it was staying still I could see the your latch on the door in front of me, i even
Felt my thumb opening it and running but somehow, I stayed and in my staying i felt tears in my eyes that I held back because i didn't want everyone to see me like that i was in
a room with every relationship I ever had and i sat there for hours like that into there was no one sitting there so yer what was a course on relationships in the end there was no relationships love you
Waking from a dream that felt true and I’ve been awake thinking about it as though the situation is going to happened again when coming into contact with this person who attacked me randomly. Training in boxing for eight months, moved 900ks away and haven’t thought about it until now. It’s making feel anxious as around this time his partner comes up to the hinterland where my life moved too as we know the same people. Reporting to the police who wanted to press charges and get an AVO. Opting just to make a record, didn’t want to cause a scene for friendships that are no longer there anyway from this situation.
Making lots of new friends from this move, haven’t made contact with any of the old ones, yet getting triggered from these thoughts, even though it’s only a dream, they still feel real.
Feeling anger and hurt from his aggression towards me and for creating this separation with my friends.
Even brought him into my friendships, didn’t know he was a narcissist who has hardly any friends of his own, found out after this happened.
He is an excellent manipulator with words.
Feels like the movie Dirty Rotton Scoundrels.
Building up those friendships over the years to now gone through this conman!
Still stuck in anger and it’s me who hasn’t moved on.
Is it me creating stories that are not true.
Is it me who created all of this through my thoughts, actions and self image.
Is it me that can create change, can generate good thoughts towards him, so that if he is around again, would sending him love without any judgment, any fears, any harm towards myself be the way forward.
The trigger is my father flight or fight I had to deal with throughout my childhood and teenage years, getting hit, five minutes later seeing if I want an ice cream x
Having had long conversation and many years in Dads company talking about it until one day, we resolved it and moved on.
But as we know, healing part is one thing, triggers come into play at any given time.
Maybe recognising this as a dream and my thoughts around it, enabling me not to get triggered.
How to feel and be present with this feeling.
Lots of question to answer.
Clare if you can say one thing to the world that's gonna really help, what would it be?
As I continue to explore this understanding in your membership, I am beginning to wonder if we have values. So many self-help programs speak of living by your values but if there is no Doer then are values just part of the illusion of separate self?
Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.
Bad advice wednesday.
I was thinking some people in this conversation are in their minds and not in world so much. I had the same but in reverse i was in the world but never could i be in my mind. I thought the world and mind was separate. I can see now you can be in both and more and more my mind and the world are the same. I can be in my own mind now when I need to be and watch and observe the mind with a great deal of love and compassion for it's ways
Jim and I had a conversation in the membership group about discomfort and what it is revealing. I asked his permission to share it outside the group.
I have strugrled with explosive temper resulting in lashing out.My emotinns are triggerd by feelings of injustice done towards me. I suppose by expressing anger one feels justified standing upto the injustice. If you can help with some tools as to how can the self feel ok and not express anger even in the face of injustice and how to navigate it in a better way. I feel terrible after i have lashed out and the feeling of anger is gone,also nothing actually is achieved with display of anger but in the moment its so difficult to remeber this and not lash out. Thanks
Was wondering how to recognize a difference between having personal criteria for certain things and conditioning? Is this the same thing and conditioning got a bad reputation in these conversations, always being seen as a partybreaker?
Example: My criteria for an intimate relationship is with a person who can commit to a monogamous relationship. I don't see a point to inquire anything about that. To
search for gifts in this.
Bad advice: Prioritise your mental health by...
Prioritize your mental health by distancing yourself from people who create drama and toxicity in your life. Set boundaries and surround yourself with a peaceful circle that loves you, supports you, and wants the best for you.
Seeing and honouring the child vs finding comfort in the victim hood that our experiences seem to justify. I find this subtlety difficult. There's such a delicious sadness in my victimhood.
On Sundays where possible I will publish conversations either with other teachers or with people on my programmes in which we look at different aspects of self and other.
Today is a conversation with Piers Thurston recorded for his podcast about the nature of free will.
I wonder what really causes beliefs to shift? Before this conversation I would have said experiential learning. Now that still looks true, but bizarrely without a learner or doer or knower
This I wanna ask since I read your book Ease and it really got my attention & find it powerful, but at the same time I can't get my head around it. You mentioned it again at our relationship retreat last week.
It goes like : I need attention from my mother and my ignoring mother is the same thing.
Can you say more to that? Is that literally the other end of the same conditioning, same content?
Thank you a lot.
Love you to the moon and back :)
I heard clearly what has confused me in conversations, mentioning "(personal) thoughts/believes" and "wisdom."
What I heard was: "I was thinking about me being scared of something and when someone was in need I did the thing I was scared of." "My thinking fell away and wisdom came, so I just did it, without thinking."
And now I saw, how sometimes I kind of wait for wisdom to come. But what is it? My thoughts not always look like wisdom at all and what I am doing neither 😀.
So wisdom and thoughts? It came up to me that I always heard this as a separation and now I heard "wisdom" as a thought too: "If people are in need like this I have to help them." This thought just came up instead of the thought:
"I am scared of...." and he did what he thought he had to do maybe before another thought came up.
I guess it is not about wisdom OR thoughts/believes. It is all wisdom or all thoughts. And as I hear "thoughts" being not as good as wisdom I will call all of it wisdom: So for example: My thinking "I am not good at this" and I will not do it, is wisdom too. I safe myself. That is good (in my opinion). "I am not good at this" and I will do it, is wisdom too. I challenge myself. That is good (in her opinion).
So we are all wise 😀. We don't have to wait. Do we? What do you think? If you like to think about this ofcourse.
Thank you for reading!
Just listened to the podcast about my question. I appreciate you answering it. It’s actually really crazy because you gave the example of a salesperson not feeling the rejection in the same way when it’s in that context but when it’s about a romantic relationship even the slightest hint of rejection is painful. Which is so true and interesting because I work in sales lol and I was thinking about this exact thing. That I can go all day and get rejected by prospect after prospect and while it can be mildly frustrating at times it’s not that difficult to keep a cool head about it but with this situation with this girl I was recently seeing who seems to have lost all interest and completely stopped contacting me is producing this excessive pain and also even obsession about it all. So anyway. Definitely think that’s very insightful and the synchronicity is fascinating lol.
Anyway near the end you mentioned that these kinds of reactions are revelatory about something being believed that isn’t true. How do you locate what that is?
What is your view on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. Do they have a role in this conversation. Can they help understanding or do they make it harder?
And today I saw why cutting people off was/is such a hobby for me. I wanna cut them firstly and with that dissarm them so they can't leave me.Less painful if I leave them, than to be left by others.Only inteligence is capable to make such a creative defense.It is made from the same media ...conditioning & healing... wow :)
Just doing the weekend cleaning and listening to your today's podcast :)
In the Life navigation suffering sensing can be much more accurate align to reality than running after good, plesant feelings?
As a game of guessing (Cold-warm) we played as children.When we got closer to guessing what it is, someone said warm and we follow that direction.
Say we get rejected. Is it the belief that they shouldn’t have rejected us that causes the suffering or is there more to it
Everywhere I go I see news or listen in car to radio it’s all about war it utterly terrified me I can’t sleep
I feel I’ll terrified of bangs and planes please please can you help to tell me how to stop negative thoughts
I have a question arising from your comment about how even saying I love you can be seen as an act of war, or separation. My husband says I love you more often than I think is needed, or more so as a thing to say in life’s busyness, and I hear it as just words that I feel required to say back. I do love husband and I know he loves me but this habit of saying it bothers me. I feel forced to say it back when really I shouldn’t have an issue because I do love him.
What is going on here? How can I resolve this for my own body/mind without telling him to stop saying I love you so much which seems ridiculous. You mentioned that it just takes one person in a relationship to shift so I am guessing it is my sense of separation that makes me unable to see his loving words as just words and say them back without the annoyance that I try to hide.
Many thanks for all you have pointed me towards.
There are constant books, so called spiritual teachers whatever that means, endless amount of courses to attend, therapist, psychologist, psychotherapist who themselves haven’t had an awakening, yet share their ideas and views from past trauma.
So the question is ‘What is a wakening?’ Do we wake up one morning, walk outside and blend into nature x
It seems I’ve been struck down with chronic fatigue, fatigue syndrome, which is laying me out flat, quite literally on a daily basis. Of course, it is frightening and somewhat disabling and I just don’t know how to be with it on a day-to-day basis. At times, I’m tempted just to push through as it were and try and go about my day with a ‘chin up‘ attitude. Yea there are the days I feel I just can’t get out of bed and it seems my world is crashing in all around me. I just wondered if you had any wisdom or learning on this dreadful & perplexing condition and how one ought to really hold oneself within this whirlwind that appears to have got me stuck fast.
I recently caught up with your 5 days video series. In one of the videos, you talked about how some people say ‘The I doesn’t exist’ or ‘I don’t exist’ – and then you said something like: ‘That’s not true you do exist.’ My mind’s voice went ‘I exist!’ as if this was amazing, new news. Then it went into confusion – logically I know I exist in that I’m here and the ‘I’ that I usually experience doesn’t really exist, it’s a load of beliefs, thinking, feelings that isn’t an entity but can you say more about this for the mind and to help have a sense of what/who exists and how we can ground this? Thank you.
For the last forty-five years, the thought of ending my life has passed through my mind at least twice a week.
It started when I was seven, attempted aged seventeen, and after that hanging myself is constantly in my thoughts.
I’ve worked with a psychologist psychotherapist, and tantric teachers, I’ve explored somatic experiences, and brain therapy through shifting mindset, I’ve been doing Ashtanga yoga for ten years five days a week, been doing vipassana meditation for twenty years. I have wonderful friends, and lovely large family members around the world, I’ve had great intimate relationships, I have a business that surrounds me with female clients all day, I listen to you all the time, and yet here I am with the same thoughts of hanging myself. I’m currently on a mission to figure out the thought patterns, the emotions and anything else that arises.
I’m not crying out for help or trying to attract attention.
I’m still here breathing in love towards myself and constantly surrounding myself with positive people. I’m not searching on that level, just being at the present moment when the feeling arises to hang myself.
Can you suggest something that may guide me a little further into the unknown I love listening to your podcast and all the questions others have asked.
I was listening to your podcast the other day and something you said around 'no truth in what the mind is projecting', made me think, maybe that's not true?! My mind projects something and it seems to come true time after time. Can you say a little about this?
I am in a relationship in which I am suffering. should I stay in it to ‘get the gifts’ as you say or should I get out?
why look at the mechanics of how life works. Why can’t we listen to more of how to be in the world rather than look at how the mechanics of our own system works.
Can you talk about trust and decision how do I make decisions in work and in relationships if there is no doer? Since following the three principles I have based my actions on following my intuition and wisdom and it has helped but now that this idea of no doer is thrown into the mix I’m not sure how to decide things.
That is one thing I find very hard to come to terms with re non duality - love. The love I feel for my husband feels/is so real, just as I am certain sure is the love you feel for your children. I'm struggling to accept how the reality of our deepest, most "meaningful" relationships seems to evaporate along with everything else in this understanding. But there's no understanding of this unfathomable-ness we find ourselves in that can render the desolation of those we love's death any the easier to bear, is there?
I tried to stop vaping yesterday, I finished the book and everything made sense. I didn’t last very long! I’ve been writing it out and it clearly feels very unsafe to stop vaping. The identity is terrified and I felt so unsafe.
Logically I know that vaping cannot make me safe, but it feels like it does, as it’s keeps the identity and separate self alive. It is bad for me and I am bad so… I can only stay alive in that identity. (It doesn’t feel anywhere near as threatening to do the walking/ water/ food side of things)
What is going on here? I want health and I put poison into my body! I, I, I ??
Does it only shift in the subconscious and can nothing change until that happens? Or is that a cop out of me not wanting to take responsibility?
Everything about stopping makes sense, so wtf?/child. It feels so much more than it is, like if I step into this freedom from harm, it’s game over for me, yet it also feels like it’s game over if I don’t stop??? I say I want health, life, energy but do I really or I am happy in the victim role? why is it so so terrifying???
I will keep looking at the threat of it, feeling so unsafe. I guess the deal was, I don’t matter so let me live and I’ll spend my live saving others and suffering myself, hurting myself?
Love to hear your thoughts on this.
Thank you for a brilliant today's podcast.
It helped to see it also from a bit different angle.
We could so easly end our 1:1 conversation in total different direction...
we could end in war.
What are the odds of two people out of 8 bilion, who are different age, different cultur, different nationality, different background, different language, etc. to have a sane conversation which is healing for both sides :)
What we demonstrated in our conversation and what you teach fills me with hope for all the humanity.
And it really isn' t rocket science.
My question is regarding this mind-body returning to being a tube….is this the same as Mindfulness (as in being the Observer?) And if not, what is the difference?
Do you know that when you write “accountability” I scratch my head a bit. What is accountability again ? 🙄😂
I have been watching the violence in Israel in absolute horror. So many innocent people killed and injured. I feel angry not just with the perpetrators but also with my spiritual exploration because in these moments talking about reality and self seems to be nothing but bypass. A complete waste of time when what is required is action because of course this is real, this is actually happening. How do I not become disillusioned both with the state of the world and humanity and with non-duality that says there is no reality?
When there is no do-er, no chooser, no decider - how can a pattern of abusive behaviour, particularly towards others, stop?
The pattern of ‘wanting’ to intimidate others is noticed. It isn’t wanted…….but how will it or can it stop?
Hi Clare, I am a listener of your podcast and I have a question I've been wrestling with for awhile that I'm hoping you can touch on. I am struggling with the teacher-student aspect of this understanding or any spiritual understanding for that matter. In my life, I feel like I constantly have so many questions about what is true or not, who is telling the truth and really just what is the truth? And listening to non-dual teachers, reading books, watching videos or anything is relieving a bit because it feels like I am getting an answer. But that feeling never lasts for very long and often I question the teacher themselves. I'm wondering if full understanding of truth is only possible through the self, with no external input. Is it necessary to come to the truth on my own.
I realize this is rather ironic that I am asking you, a teacher. However, I'm not sure what else to do.
Clare you talk about the I, myself. That it doesn't exist. If this is so then who are we, and how do we refer to ourselves? I don't understand the message you are trying to give.
It was a great podcast thank you! I appreciate the wild goosechase reminders.
The caveat seems to be that the mind will create resistance to feeling each time, there's no doer that does the resisting, it just happens, yet there's the witnessing of it happening that's also where the potential for it shifting is. The agenda is in the resistance. The witnessing of it has no agenda. For some reasons this feels like a paradox. Might be overthinking.
It feels like there's a separate me that is the one that wields the willpower to overcome the resistance and feel sensations (agenda)...instead of a mind claiming that separation is real and then claiming that the separate thought stream is the doer.
I thought for a while whether I had any follow ups or anything but tbh I couldn’t take in your response. I keep asking people for help in the form of wanting advice or joining various courses, trying to find someone who gets it and to help me see what to do about various things, not just my daughter, but don’t seem to be able to receive the response and I’m not really sure what to do with that.
As I write that I’m realising that that is what I’ve heard you talk about, the ask and the observing of the response. My response seems to be to not be able to take it in, the mind doesn’t seem to want to take in the response because somehow that makes it too real, too painful, so it just moves onto the next problem to fix. Always fixing fixing fixing but never still enough to actually slow down and look at what is going on.
Or maybe my ask wasn’t clean, it looked like I was asking for how to navigate the relationship with my daughter, but as I get really still with that, I see that my question was an attempt to secure myself as being seen and loved by a system that, when identified, believes she isn’t. The situation with my daughter was a way to justify asking, so I suppose that’s why I couldn’t take in what to do, because it was never about that.
See this is what my mind does, relentlessly analysing what the mind is doing and why and what that means and ugh, here it goes again!
Hi Clare I have a question for you separate from this video. I wondered whether or not you have a faith, believe in god or a higher presence? If so how important is this concerning living in the present moment, actuality etc, or does it have no bearing at all?
thank you Clare and the listener who wrote in about their conditioning of wanting to run away during a wake. I understand that there is no doer that changes conditioning but is it true to say that they way we act and behave can change someone else’s conditioning.
Email 1
thank you so for talking about my email i do get it clare but it's so hard for me to understand my conditioning when everyone else's conditioning is like the same i no it's not the same but they seem to be able to be a part of gatherings and parties and me i just want to run away
i don't even know how i got this programme in me because my family are Irish and growing up we always had massive gatherings and i always would be hiding somewhere mostly under a table .i did read a school report last night and in the report i was 8 years old it said she has lots of friends but she is very much a loner. she will choose to be by herself my parents were very sociable and loved to play Irish music and have a Hooley and sing song well
So it's just so hard for me not be like them and join in and have the crack i would stay if i could lay down underneath the table and just listen but thank you yer big stuff ❤️
Email 2
hi lovely it's not the conditioning that needs to be dropped is it it's the mind telling stories like you're gonna faint, everyone is gonna see you on the floor i'm going to lose my vision my heart is beating so fast i'm sweating and my body needs to go that's what my mind is saying i no i have to have it all. I'm going to a 60th birthday tonight and of course I don't want to go it's crazy why does all this come at once
As this part of the year our courses are in the direction of purpose I feel nothing as opposite from that. Feels like I'm functionally stoned. And there is absence of any pull or push feeling towards something.
Have you ever had any experience like this?
hi lovely i just wondered if you could talk about how, you can stay true to your own self in the mist of everyone's else's truth like today I lost someone that I love very much and it was her funeral today and of course i went but i couldn't stay at the wake for very long i felt very sick i aways do even at my own dads i left i slip out i duck out the back i just go and be on my own just to be by myself. but after i do this behaviour my family don't talk to me they ostracise me; they won't talk to me for weeks i have to go around trying to make up with them sometimes in these situations i feel like a lion, without its pride, or just alone i love my family so much i don't feel separate from them just that i behave a bit different and in this i feel alone and then i become a bit desperate to get them back
I wonder also, if you'd be able to go through an experience from start to finish from an unquestioned mind perspective and then the same experience, step by step, from a wholly sane perspective. In slow motion?
I'm watching the rest of the conversations from the THEM course that I hadn't finished yet.
In one you say, "The gift is (insert whatever it is that we want that isn't happening or is happening and we don't want - in her case it's his not saying hello), so that the past response can be unlearned, can be healed. Because otherwise it doesn't get healed."
Can you say more about how the parent, or the wholeness/truth that we are, has the potential to heal the panic, frightened response that was learned in a child state and that this can't happen when we somehow avoid the situation that brings up a projection from the past?
Many thanks for your podcast response to validation question today. Very apt for me that you refer to existential safety, as the first module I picked for my membership was Safe. For me, the formal validation was that I actually existed, as I was repeatedly told by my mother that in being born, I ruined her life etc. It is the suffering of separation on some level that makes one seek what is the Real of our existence. For those who have lived on the whole,full and happy lives without having felt the necessity to question or seek the truth of what they are, presumably they would already be the presence of their essential nature that is love or absence of separation, and I see that I have to unblock or unveil my true nature by letting go of my insecurities. And as I’m communicating this, I am now experiencing why my artistic expression and concepts have always centred on a search for lost love and yet the act of doing this is already love itself…
I know not everyone needs to do this, but do you think some must do some healing around their trauma in order to have the capacity to feel all of the emotions from a more regulated system. Perhaps this is also necessary to shift and see things from more than an intellectual level.
Can you do a podcast expanding on this quote "The agenda to never feel jealous, or angry, or insecure is the opposite of peace."
Thank you,
What about regret. I was not a good mother when my children were growing up. I spent a lot of time very angry and confused and I deeply regret that now. What can I do about that?
hi Clare,
I've been around your work on and off for a while and read your most recent book which made me see how I’ve unconsciously used my daughter as a way to secure myself up until when she was about 11 when I had another child, before which we were inseparable. In physical terms I did all I could to include her when the new baby came but somehow my system made the new baby the way in which to secure itself (because my daughter was going to high school, which felt like she was leaving me) and she got sidelined really, not physically but unconsciously. There’s a lot of guilt and shame around this. That was 10 years ago.
I’ve noticed recently how much her grumpiness irritates me, we don’t have much to say to eachother and her lack of what I could call kindness, care and effort to sort her life out grates on me. So I looked at where is that grumpiness in me? Where do I not sort my life out? Where am I not kind? I see I don’t take care of myself by eating properly, I fear being happy because it looks like I’ll be rejected if I’m seen as ‘ok’. so I see the mirrors and I am making efforts to eat better, rest and find an activity that brings me joy. I spoke to her last night about her rudeness and grumpiness and how sick I am of it. The urge to apologise this morning was huge!
But then I just realised this morning, she has every right to be grumpy and rude and angry, I effectively pushed her away! No wonder she is angry and hurting and not sorting her life out and wanting me to rescue her!
My question is how do I navigate this, which seems a tricky question because there is no ‘I’ to choose how to navigate it, but I also don’t want to bypass and not face what is going on. In honesty she isn’t much fun to be around and I don’t particularly want to be around her. I’m afraid of letting her back in incase she hurts me, as she has done many times, as I have obviously hurt her.
It’s complicated and heavy with responsibility, blame, shame and trauma, and hard to articulate it all by email without making it ridiculously long!
I hope it makes sense and any wisdom would be much appreciated.
Thank you
Several times, I've heard you recall a personal story. It's that your family would enter the lottery each week, and each week, after you didn't win, your grandmother would say something like, "Oh, thank goodness for that."
I'm not sure that I understand what you mean by it. Could you explain it a little more, please?
Dear Clare,
I am beginning to see the possibility of this, but I get stuck on the same thing, over and over. I AM a separate physical entity in the relative world. Therefore there is a form of separation in my life. According to my understanding, what you are saying is that genetics and conditioning create my nervous system and thus Larry’s action figure goes on and does his thing and suffers in the world.
Then, Larry acquires through his nervous system another understanding that says he is powered (and so is this corrupted insane nervous system) by consciousness, Brahman, awareness or whatever you call it. Then comes the reflection that is not obvious to me: I should give up my ego and settle into this awareness and basically cease to participate with any intention in the relative world. So the choice is have a life in the relative world with ego or watch the automaton or the robot that I am in the “real world”. The choice is between having any identity separated or having no identity “enlightened”. All this while it is clear I am a separate physical entity performing actions in the relative world.
I think this conundrum may be why Syd Banks did not talk about non-duality in his presentation.
I did believe my nervous system is insane, but at least “I” can have a relationship with the world with it.
Help!
Larry
Hi Clare. Just a thought re todays podcast following person’s comments about validation needing to come from within the self and not from outside as no one can give us validation. - I was thinking that it would usually be the lack of formative validation or reassurance by a parent that would lead to the sense of need to repeatedly seek it thereafter. But when parenting is nurturing/ validating/ good enough there wouldn’t be the need to search for it within. This kind of validation from the loved one parent(s) is surely the affirmation of the inside of who we are; the manifestation of essential love. When this love is present, isn’t this how we come to be able to access and automatically tap into what is Home (love) in us and make it work for us as all is one? 🤔
can you please talk about intuition. There have been many times I have listened to inner wisdom - which I guess is the same thing as trust my intuition and it has turned out right. Is there such a thing as intuition and is this different from what you are talking about?
I keep wondering about faith (and I don’t just mean religious ideology), which seems to be fundamental for us to be able to come to awareness and let go of old conditioning patterns of belief.
I do have an inner sense of spirituality and faith which I think I have brought to awareness through lifelong study, creative expression and trying to understand the causes of my suffering. But maybe what is missing for many people is a formative strong sense of faith that already knows on some level, its essential divine nature.
I realized I am confused about accountability. I think of accountability as responsibility, self-responsibility or personal responsibility vs. ultimate accountability. Can you shake out this confusion for me? I can understand taking responsibility regarding one's conditioning, but then I can't put my arms around ultimate accountability as something other than self-responsibility, which it must be since there is no self. Thanks so much for the help through this confusion.
What if I am thinking stressful thoughts on purpose?
I have once had an obsessive thought about sth. I remembered that I recently read that if you just let it be it will go away on it's own. So I just let it be and it went away. But than I thought "but if I think about it again it will come back".And then I started thinking about it on purpose to prove to myself that there is still danger. It has been two years now and I am still thinking about it on purpose. It is not a particular thought now. It is just a feeling of fear. Then I always get very anxious and can't sleep at night. Sometimes I forget about it for a while. But when I notice that I am not thinking about it it's like I can't help but think about it. I think the problem is also that I am in a constant fight/flight mode because of my physical condition (because of nerve, vene and arterial compression)
I'd love to hear your opinion on this.
Hi Clare.
I’m just re-listening to the Voice course I did with you a while ago. In it (on day 10) you mention about how our barriers go up and we literally can’t take in the information because we’re so busy trying to protect the I, the me. Is that what overwhelm is?
I’ve noticed a lot recently when someone asks for advice or help or says something that threatens to take me out of my ‘hiding place’ of self protection that my system is doing its absolute best to stay in, I feel immediate overwhelm as if the mind is creating the overwhelm almost as a way to avoid doing the thing, to protect itself because it feels ‘too much’.
Or perhaps it is a case of genuine fatigue, sensory overload and unmet needs, due to the system trying so incredibly hard to survive, because that really is how it feels. I can see there is a risk here of bypassing.
Any insight around this would be great.
Yes it's a bit woo woo question this one. As we are learning about our true nature being life's intelligence in this apparent form. It seems somewhere on the way taking the form, this intelligence suffered severe loss of memory. Only explanation that came up for me about this is that, it gets access to the richness of all experiences that can come up in this complexity of the human body.
And secondly if life's intelligence is absolute - omnipresent. Do all these experiences gathered from all forms get stored? Like life's intelligence is getting smarter and smarter.
I would like to hear your thoughts on this?
THE DIZZINESS OF FREEDOM
The rain falling on your head, and you brought no protection. Exposed, raw, you find yourself taking the next step.
The heart breaking open, torn, ruptured, a bloody mess; only to reveal a thrilling courage you had forgotten in your search for comfort, and a kindness that only those who have suffered will understand.
This strange love affair with uncertainty. The dizzying vastness of freedom. A tingly aliveness in the gut that you mistook for pathology. The path leading only into the unknown, all signposts gone.
Not a path for the feint of heart, no, but for those who cannot lie any longer. And for those who have no other choice but to live.
If it makes you weep, if it scares the shit out of you, if it takes you to the bleeding edge of your identity and makes you want to vomit... well, it may just be your path.
- Jeff Foster
I'm re-doing Them 2022.
I came up with an exploration about criticism.
Because I hate my wife criticising me.
So I had a look at who I criticise.
My wife for her criticism!
I also noticed a link between anger and criticism.
Criticism of me angers me.
And yet.
I criticise the same people that I get angry about.
Please expand on these words "people are safe with the person who is prepared to hang out in the discomfort feelings and see what's going on there because it means no wars are started. To try and find peace within us, the war within us is identified and then peace."
How do beliefs change? I hear about people doing "belief coding" which seems both ridiculous and sensible depending on how it is looked at. I guess now that the limitless nature of things has been glimpsed....the identified mind is looking for ways to open portals...but also there must be a logical way to do this...maybe? How do I make myself believe I'll earn £500,000 next year???
I have been reading Dr Shefali's new book Radical Awakening. She talks about many faces of the ego, the helpers, the takers, the controllers (under each one of these there are many facets). We often identify with 2 or 3 predominantly.
I was shocked to see one of them I identified with was the Princess (not all of it was me but some of it). I can see over the years that as I became a Mum, gave up my job and have been setting up my own business I lost all confidence in my ability to make my way in the world. I slowly gave away my power to my husband, I became the looked after one. I struggle with the idea that I can make my business a success and can not see how I can't rely on others to help me out. As a child I had a very controlling mother who diminished me & I allowed this to happen in my relationship (but I see this was me). I am actually terrified about how I can make my way in life. When I see others do it , I just think how, that will never be me even though I really want it to be.
My thoughts of the day....
"A belief is only a thought I keep thinking.” Abraham Hicks.
'A belief is a thought that we've been attaching to, often for years.' Byron Katie
'Often when you put a label on someone or something, you create a limit—the label becomes the limitation' Jim Kwick
Some beliefs limit us, narrow our view, seperate us from others, cause conflict, trap us, allow us to bypass our experience, keep us small, make us superior or inferior.
We live in a web of beliefs:-
I can't, I shouldn't, they shouldn't, I'm not, they're not, it's hard, I couldn't, they mustn't, this is wrong with me, how dare they, who do they think are, they are, there so, I'm so, it's not possible, there's no way...
So this goes on & on until we start to gently inquire into our belief system, into the matrix and the illusion. We can clear the path by insight, inquiry & feeling the pain of seperation.
A recent one for me "My Mum, doesn't see me, validate me, she causes me pain". Her comments hurt me, like a stab in the chest. "Where do I get my validation from, is it her?" As long as I think it is from her it will never be so, she will keep hurting me as she is not my validation source.
People are unreliable and inconsistent sources of validation & they will keep reminding us until we are ready to consistently ground ourselves within.
My Mum said to me the other day," I would never have told you were amazing or special as a child as it wouldn't have been true. "
Is it a surprise I was seeking validation from others? needing someone else to want me, so I attract a man in my life that couldn't do that for me either.
"You are amazing, you are the best, you are so wanted, so needed, you are special, you are important" Validation!!! As Clare Dimond says these mini rewards distract us & keep us looking outside of ourselves. This is not were our happiness lies.
It is the consistent loving feeling that is always present within us & without of us.
No One Can Give Us That!!!!
People will keep pointing us back home! until we are ready to see.
Listener 1
I listented to it today and I struggle with the concept to just go into the anxiety, without further explsnation or help. I always experienced it as total retraumatizing, litterally devastating. In trauma therapy you first establish some ressource like eg a stable feeling in some part of the body and then oscillate between the safe space and the anxiety to not overwhelm the system. I don't think this is always necessary but some sort of connection to a bigger picture, like the space that we are or something like that to hold the anxiety is necessary in my experience to not overwhelm the system and to be even helpful in some way, other ways it's just plane torture. In other words I think if we don't see what we are and use it as anker the going into the feeling is more harmful than not.
Listener 2
Hear what you are saying. This morning’s experience has been physically exhausting with the sheer adrenaline of it, that I fell asleep at my laptop for a wee while. When I’m in the panic it does feel like a retraumatisation as it’s happened before but I think there is now a bit of distance from it. I find it very hard to go into it as Clare would say as am so lost at that stage that keeping real and away from the projections of the mind is a struggle.
@Clare Dimond could our comments be a follow up podcast please? Others may feel the same.
I keep being told I’m too sensitive. I have an artistic temperament. And sensitivity helps with this. I am tuned into people’s energies. On the one hand sensitivity is seen as good thing and on the other it is an issue as people tell me I get offended too easily. Can you help me with this
Could you expand on these words "people are safe with the person who is prepared to hang out in the discomfort feelings and see what's going on there because it means no wars are started. To try and find peace within us, the war within us is identified and then peace."
https://tatyanasussex.substack.com/p/beauty-q-and-a-with-clare-dimond?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email#play
From Tatyana:
Dear Beautiful Friends,
Are you ready for a mini-PhD in reality, freedom, and the awakened life—with some laughter thrown in?
Meet my beloved teacher, guide, coach, friend, and playmate of the past three amazing years, Clare Dimond. I’m going to introduce her by going straight to the very last question I ask in my Beauty Q&As, because Clare’s answer is so 🤯 and 🐒 and 😱 and 💫 with a little 🧚♀️ thrown in.
Me: What is a reason to be happy to be alive today?
Clare: There aren’t any.*
Clare is not nihilistic nor misanthropic; she is a teacher and author in the field of non-duality, an understanding that addresses (in a nutshell) the nature of reality and pokes at the truth behind suffering and the separate self. You might call it intimacy with all things, the Oneness of life. Clare’s groups and teachings are conversations that point in the direction of what it means to be alive in our bodies as infinite awareness and unconditional love.
**Something like that! I have been learning/working/studying/playing with Clare in this space for three years and still come up short with the right language to describe this field of exploration and awakening.
Because we don’t need a reason to be happy to be alive, and any reason we come up with is only true for a fleeting moment, then it changes.*
Let’s cut to the good part shall we? WATCH THE VIDEO
We slowed down, went past the 20 minutes limit and explored beauty, how it is an unconditional quality of life and can be a portal to awakening, freedom, expansion.
We also talked about:
- What is Beauty & Does It Matter?
- The Artist’s Way
- Positive affirmations
- Is the natural world calling us to be a collaborator in life?
- Being a human in a troubled world—how the hell do you cope?
- Going deep with our fears about global issues
- What does the world want from us?
- How to rhumba on the playfield of life.
- Mystery as beauty, beauty as mystery.
- How does a non-dual philosophy teacher & author play?
- Distinctions between work & play, clients & friends.
Is it possible to have a good relationship with someone who is really traumatised. My partner had a terrible childhood and a lot of addiction as a consequence. They frequently have bouts of great anger and times of withdrawal from me. Is there a way through this for us to a healthy relationship
On your podcast on 9th August you said that “the body is the judge.” I don’t know that I’ve heard it said that way. Could you talk more about that?
Perhaps some details — I am wondering what there is for me to see in the severe pain that is felt in my body /- especially in my hands and wrists. More than that too, some itching and just all the other things that come and go.
There have been insights around the tightness and contraction with regards to limited beliefs/stories/ideas or critical ways of seeing the world. I’ve been aware of that for years. And meeting and greeting the pain with compassionate awareness, if pain is here is that indicative of judgement and gee how can that ever stop or be different?
Reading your book ‘it’s not you and it's not me'. Please help me clarify exactly what you are saying and navigate my situation. I am in love with a woman let’s call her Ann. I think about her all the time. I get jealous when she talks about other men. I get upset if she doesn’t want to see me. This feels like love to me. There have been other women in my life who I haven’t felt that with . Are you saying the relationship with Ann is a play out of trauma and it is not with the other women? How can that be and what does it mean to be in love then if it is not to want to be with the other person all the time. .
Looping back to jiu jitsu again (also a metaphor for other things. And a complete mirror for me) - I’m tempted to say, well, it’s me who has decided that this is good for them. And clearly, it’s just not their thing. Let’s try another activity. Or no activities. And that’s probably true on some level, I suppose. But I’m also feeling that they haven’t actually experienced really doing jiu jitsu. Because they have been so caught up in “I don’t like going with this particular kid. They always go too hard. Why don’t I win medals? I’m too tired. That coach doesn’t like me,” and on and on and on. So it doesn’t feel clean or right to say just quit at this point. But they seem to be moving further into the story with increasing struggle, and my suggestions or attempts to “explain what’s really going on here” (shockingly) have not been helpful. Also, won’t this cycle just repeat itself with the next activity they try? So I guess that’s my question… Can I help a little kid come more into reality?
And now after writing all of that, it’s seeming like I should just keep using this as a mirror.
Coming back to reality myself - the concept of the space within which everything, including shame and pain arises - how can attention notice both?
So in answer to the humiliation and discomfort question I asked is, what harm am I doing to my mind and body when feeling immense discomfort that spirals into illness on a large scale for me? It really puts me out of action and makes me fragile then in everyday living.
You teach about perfect design in suffering on individual level (micro level). Can it be also on macro level in all what's happening around the globe?
you mention unconditional love a lot but I still don’t know what that is and where boundaries fit in with it. Also what is there difference between unconditional love and Limerance?
In today's blog you say
"This shift from shame, the lowest and most painful of experiences of existence to the blissful sanity of no-doer is, I believe, the reason why enlightenment is such a powerfully transformative experience."
I can see this within the context of a something that "I" have done
What about something that "another person" has done? Something I had no agency or control over.
"Me/Control"
I sometimes (rarely now) feel ashamed about putting too much money into my business for too little impact.
"Other/No control"
I have felt anger towards my birth mother for not living me enough to keep me.
I think this anger was the flip side of feeling ashamed at not being good enough to keep
I‘m just reading this book: The way of integrity by Martha Beck and I have a question. She talks a lot about doing what you love and this confuses me. What is this even? Probably this inner yes. But what is this? Like the teaching. Do I love this? Would say no spontaneously. Having a family, baking bread, even cleaning, do I love this? Would say yes spontaneously. Does this mean I need to stop teaching to live in integrity from my inner yes? But I don’t. Why? Just don’t know why I’m doing it and don’t know why I’m not stopping it. Totally identified. How do you understand this doing what we love?
Five days ago our country was striked by catastrophic floods. Nothing like this happened before.
And my question isn't from a place so people would feel sorry for us.
It is from observing my actions/behaviours from this experience which brings this question.
In these moments it feels that ego is stepped from the front stage. And things I wouldn't normally do are being done. Shame and fear to protect the identity don't run the show in these circumstances. My question is if this is due to being more aligned with reality in moments like natural disasters, wars etc.?
When the real body/life existence is at stake and not the survival of the identity.
Seeing the cycle of Face Fear -> Get Painfully Knocked Down -> Repeat lead to learning and growth and improvement for some. And (apparent) maladaptive response and (possible) traumatic experience for another. And wondering how much is possible to alter/influence for such young kids. And of course to remember to start with me and all the pointers Claire has given to people in similar situations. But seriously, can we help kids/others have less cycle of retraumatization? I’m recalling that Claire would probably say to “Show them the way.” But unfortunately, I feel like I’m still in preschool with all of this myself :)
If a spiritual teacher says that future and past are an illusion. How does one write a biography about themselves? Is that an illusion from the past?
The world is imagination and that is all relationships are imagination. How do we navigate around arguments, disagreements, people leaving you. Is it just one illusion that we should not even investigate why it happened or should we just move on with our lives.
It’s not really a question, more of a comment really.
I was just listening to your podcast, which I love btw, and saw how hard I have been trying to ‘get’ what you’re sharing, so that I can see who I really am and therefore be free, happy, content etc etc. I got that there is no me, so I was trying to secure my identity on Source energy or whatever you want to call it, but of course that concept of ‘Source’ that I had created was just another concept. My mind is scraping around, confused, desperately trying to find something, anything to secure itself on yet it can’t find anything that resonates and feels true. I think it’s going to be an uncomfortable couple of days as it readjusts. All my efforts over the last few years have, unknowingly, been on this, law of attraction etc etc, just to finally get who I am so I can have a different experience, isn’t that the promise that sold?! Now it just feels a bit like all that was wasted and I’m in free fall. My mind is saying “What the hell do I do with my life now? How am I ever going to survive/cope?”
That all
Sounds rather negative, it’s not really, it’s just another layer falling away, to reveal what I have no idea! I didn’t mean it to sound quite so negative, I am grateful to you and I am just a sharing an explanation of my experience of your podcast.
Thank you for all you do, it’s brilliant!
‘as long as I am clear headed and not in a mental fog I can handle the discomfort and when I’m not I can’;t. Is that actually true though?
thank you so much for answering my question! You are so kind and understanding. I'll try to live by this concept... this doesn't necessarily mean not to do any kind of treatment for the physical body right? Because if there is something that could potentially improve your situation why not do it?
I just watched the webnar. Very interesting. I learned a lot. My issue is that I cannot bear the humiliation and distress in the discomfort when trying to do the things I fear. It's all so devastation to me. I hate attention and I hate being humiliated, pitied or seen as mad or odd. X
I’m not sure if this is about boundaries or just reactions sorry, or maybe that’s the same actually.
I was listening to your podcast episode on boundaries and expectations in relationship.
I’ve actually been questioning my reactions over the past week, and this is just fascinating. At my age I’m amazed that I’ve not learned to look at myself in relationship this way EVER before so this episode is groundbreaking for me!
What is the solution when we recognise one of these behaviours playing out that is not about the other person. Like my anxiousness when my new partner doesn’t text me back for 5 hours, or acts in a way that “makes” me feel anxious?
Instead of responding in a defensive or needy way, I am trying to notice it and not act. But now I hear this, I feel like this is as you say as the other extreme, allowing “someone walk all over me” which is not happening but I’m still allowing something that doesn’t feel ok with me at the moment.
What do I do with these reactions of mine once I notice them? How do I actually go about healing them?
"When you are inspired… by some great purpose… All of your thoughts, break their bonds… Your mind, transcends limitation… Dormant forces, talents, faculties become alive, and you discover to be a greater person than you ever dreamed to be!" -- Patanjali, 300BC - believed to be the sanskrit author of the yoga sutras
A friend just shared this and what if the some great purpose is recognizing who we really are as aware, alive, intelligence?
Today I saw why cutting people off was/is such a hobby for me. I wanna cut them firstly and with that dissarm them so they can't leave me.Less painful if I leave them, than to be left by others.Only inteligence is capable to make such a creative defense.It is made from the same media ...conditioning & healing... wow :)
I wonder if the term ‘insanity’, as commonly understood and which you use quite frequently in this clip, isn't helpful to an ‘identified’ person? For someone lost in programming, might not shame be added to their burden when hearing that suffering is indicative of madness, particularly since suffering is the means through which our innate health/wholeness/freedom is remembered?
We could talk and explore the ''THEM'' course for the rest of our lives.
For me it always opens so much pain, grief, anger, resentment and of course shame.
And the last one goes so perfectly hand in hand with the vulnerability of which you talk about in today's course video.
Each time I faced painful feelings I tried to hide them in front of others, even the closest people in my life. It was and still is unbearable for me to show weakness to be seen weak. I was always the one who took care of others, comforted them, etc. I was in no position to ask others for help and allow myself to receive it.
I guess this is still one of my biggest confusions in friendship relationships.Wanting them and pushing them away at the same moment.
And when things accumulated I cry ... alone ofcourse :) How do you see crying in the role of healing? And also in a role of letting ourselves be or feel vulnerability?
If the trigger from within a relationship is a mirror to us, then is each triggering circumstance we encounter also a mirror?
When we're triggered by a circumstance which does not involve a relationship and which, say, appears to be a recurring circumstance, is the circumstance (similarly to aspects within relationships) mirroring something in us that needs to be fully seen, and thus if we identify and fully feel the physical feeling of the emotional suffering being experienced, the 'charge' is then gone, sanity results and the circumstances must necessarily stop recurring given our vibrational universe?
For example, I seem to experience more than my fair share of 'water events', leaks, road floods, bursting pipes. A friend encounters nests of various descriptions, birds, wasps, ants repeatedly and another friend is in the wrong place at the wrong time when heated arguments on the street break out. But even if it's a one-off event, like when I had my phone stolen out of my hand, was even that, single trigger informing me of something going on within me, such that it occurred or even could occur?
I know the theme of others not being interested in what I have to say (for example) is present/recurring but I can't find a feeling in my body when I attempt to sit with this. If I think I about it, really try to bring it to mind and make it matter in the moment, I can cry perhaps, but then it's the feeling of crying. Does it take practice for a localised sensation to become clear maybe?
On the food webinar, I am going back to the “no brainers” at the end that you suggest. Not so sure how to identify a “no brainer” because it seems so wrapped up in behavior and “correcting” a wrong behavior. (I have many beautiful practices in the morning time that connect me with truth of living, evening is the time where all the “restriction/no restrictions worries come in) Even the books recommended on the food webinar — going into the details of what to eat or when and where or “good” and “bad” foods is right where everything gets stirred up for me. I tried listening to Alan Carrs guide to emotional eating about a year ago and had extreme reactions to his making certain foods good and other foods bad. Couple that with my sisters health journey she ate spinach and sweet potatoes and almonds and more for so so many years thinking she was eating the “good” foods and she now has extreme oxylate toxicity and bone deterioration. So there’s that. (Can you hear and feel how feelings and thoughts are ramped up?
So I suppose there’s another question in here. I want to establish a few no brainers for the evening and need help with that.
My question is about expectations in relationship. You often here in spiritual circles "let go of expectations". I am seeing more and more the less expectation we have of others and the more aligned we are to ourselves, other people's actions affect us far less. When do not have any expectation to have our needs met and we forgive people's actions easily, I can feel myself being a bit boundary less and letting anything go. Can you see a question in this? I do not want to repeat past misunderstandings that someone has to change for me as I don't like how they are being..
Hello Clare, I have listened to your book REAL and I absolutely loved it. It helped my mental health a lot. But I have difficulty living by this concept when it comes to my physical health. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and due to that Cranio Cervical Instability. It is a horrible condition , which has absolutely destroyed my life. I have been bedbound for 2 years. I can't work. I can't meet friends . I can't read. The only thing I can do is watching movies and listening to music. This is a very rare condition and the doctors say there is no chance for it to get better. I was 21 when I got sick. Now I am 27. Right now I am still fighting and trying out different things because the idea of accepting my current state is unbearable. It is even hard to write this message because it is difficult for me to think... I have found a few people online who say the y got better but they did a million things for that and I don't know if I have the energy to do that... I would love to hear you opinion on this situation. ..
Seven day mini series on Resources
1 Time
2 Energy
3 Money
4 Attention
5 Compassion
6 Will
7 Capacity
6. Will
Seven day mini series:
1 Time
2 Energy
3 Money
4 Attention
5 Compassion
6 Will
7 Capacity
Our third 'Resource' of our seven part series
- Time
- Energy
- Money
- Attention
- Compassion
- Will
- Capacity
I wonder if you could say something on the podcast about death. I have just suddenly lost my husband - one second we were sitting chatting, the next he he had a sudden cardiac arrest and was dead before he hit the ground. So, yes I am in shock. But I am also struggling even to believe in death, let alone "understand" it. What is it? How can it be? I know you lost your father when you were younger. Please, where and how does death fit in with everything in this understanding? You said everything is a reflection of our inner reality. You won't upset me whatever you say as I truly want to know how this might work here. I am utterly stunned and bereft and feel quite unreal, but I feel a need to try and get a sense of what death and dying even is, if that doesn't sound too stupid, as it just doesn't even seem believable right now.
Mary Oliver
In Blackwater Woods
Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars
of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,
the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders
of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is
nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side
is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it
go,
to let it go. |
I was listening to your last podcast and something you said around 'no truth in what the mind is projecting', made me think, maybe that's not true?! My mind projects something and it seems to come true time after time. Can you say a little about this?
If I'm not mistaken I heard you say on a Food webinar to use a bit of will power with no brainer behaviours.I was wondering how this fits together with no doer?
"When you are inspired… by some great purpose… All of your thoughts, break their bonds… Your mind, transcends, limitation… Dormant forces, talents, faculties become alive, and you discover to be a greater person than you ever dreamed to be!" -- Patanjali, 300BC
A friend just shared this and what if the some great purpose is recognizing who we really are as aware, alive, intelligence?
Comment from Tony on this video
Noticing of late quite strong resistance from my conceptual mind to challenge these explorations. This is interspersed with some periods of beautifully deep inner calm and a connective knowing of a kind where the simplest things are paying off with exquisite moments of joy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKVFz8XCFb8&lc=UgwFwJdBTaeGgTqMf7p4AaABAg.9r37u-1-Aik9r3bbpLiInf
I had (what I thought was) an epiphany about restriction. I have a lot of thoughts around being restricted or told what or what not to do or to eat. So I thought, hmmm. Maybe I think of restriction as a problem. My mom controlled what I ate, along with my family and even my dad up until he was 90!.
So if restriction is a problem, my solution was no restrictions. I gave up restricting myself with any foods or food groups. Trying to understand if this was even what might fit into this idea has still confused me. I am not certain I understand well, and not even sure I am explaining this with clarity.
I also know I see (my) overeating as a big problem. So if overeating is a problem and then the solution is to restrict, there we go with the restriction. But here it is a solution.
Can you take this confusing question and make it any more clear to me using these examples of overeating/restriction/no restrictions?
When the thought arises about food when our bellies start to rumble, and our attractions towards our addictions are so intense that we begin to get agitated with the people that love us, and all we can think about is eating.
How do we stay present, not react to the feeling of starving ourselves and offload our anger onto others when we feel we are the only ones important.
Like a dog to a bone 😂🤗🌹
I'm a GP and see people every day who are struggling with anxiety and depression. The focus is very much on getting rid of symptoms which, as part of this group, we understand are helpful.
In short 10 minute consultations, time is very limited. Any thoughts on how such an opposing perspective could be communicated in such a time limited situation?
I recommend books / resources to my patients and always try to leave them feeling hopeful and highlight that they're not broken even when it really looks to them that they are.
Thanks for your thoughts on this.
I just listened to the podcast this morning about the core identity and I’m wondering - how do we get though periods when ALL areas of the identity are being challenged simultaneously - the deep really painful layers, how do we still show up and function? I’m feeling bombarded :(
If we are not supposed to keep chasing the money thoughts, is it best we believe we already have it and stop chasing it or do we never think about it and it will naturally arrive? 🙏
What should I do about reading the news. I find it so stressful. Same with social media a steady stream of comments that make me feel so upset and angry. It’s easier for me to just turn everything off but is that just putting my head in the sand? Or is there information somehow in the stress?
I am looking forward to hearing the upcoming food webinar. I have had issues with food for as long as I can remember. I tried so hard not to pass them in to my children but my daughter is on the verge of being hospitalised with anorexia. I am desperate. I feel so guilty for this. Is there anything in this conversation that can help me and my daughter and the rest of the family?
I have a question. Ok let's see if I can get this across in a question.
It is about jealousy, it is not something I commonly feel but it comes up with a few people in my life. I have experienced the uncomfortable feelings of jealousy several times. I suppose I am trying to get rid of the feelings as I don't want to feel like this. I am experiencing the pain of separation & yet the triggers around jealousy for me remain strong.
The complete insanity sounded right and I was able to fully see that. What didn’t sound right was the unquestioned “me” at the center of it. It’s not unquestioned. It is being questioned every day - reading and listening to teachers on the subject - and still the insanity lives on. Very interesting how it all plays out!
I eventually got to listen to the webinar....it was great thank you...what really resonated with me was when you spoke about how when the body is not feeling good, illness, or out of alignment, the mind gets lost and there is more self referencing....oh my god this is exactly what I notice as I struggle with health and feeling my best as I've fibromyalgia and it can flare up at any time ...the body has very little energy , feel weepy and overwhelmed especially with work...I usually end up being very hard on myself and reinforce my conditioning and sub conscious program that I'm not good enough!
I especially seem to have these avalanche of negative spiralling thought patterns when it comes to work...
Any thoughts on this would be appreciated...
have you any tips for ocd towards intrusive thoughts I'm getting there just got a lot of anxiety at the moment
I have all 8 of your books. You said that I am not what I think I am. The real me is the AWARENESS of that ever-changing idea of a self, other and world. That AWARENESS is unlimited and infinite. There is not a single thing that is not possible within that space.
Not sure if you are familiar with the idea of karma in Buddhism. If you do, would you be able to explain how karma fits into the above truth?
Could moving towards things that challenge the identity be the do-er repeating old patterns as they there isn’t a distinction between behaviours not good for the system.
Hi Claire, a question to share. Manifesting a thought and believing I already have it, this idea has always worked for me, but twenty years ago while in deep meditation
for three months I experienced another realm in daily life. I realised I had nowhere to go, nothing to gain with no attachment, everything was perfect deep inside of me. and the world around me. So if the latter is the truth without going into a meditation practice, how do we navigate daily when wanting to create something or do we think of something and let the universal energy do the rest?
Would really appreciate your thought's on The Polyvagal Theory, titration,/pendulation and the value of having someone’s presence as you ‘feel the feelings’
When I first came to your work, I was often not able to simply sit in the feeling of deeper suffering, whereas with learning to stabilise my body-mind through the breath, I find my capacity to sit in the suffering seems to have increased.
My understanding is that the body is not able to heal when it is in fight/flight so being able to settle to a more parasympathetic state with the intention to revisit the suffering from that place has been helpful for me, however it sounds to me like you are saying it is better to just sit in the suffering no matter what, and not to use any substances or techniques to ease your way into it. Is that correct or am I misinterpreting you?
Can you please speak about feeling emotions and sensations in the body. I've heard you talk about the need to feel difficult sensations fully but for me this sometimes seems to solidify the sense of self, the idea that there is a 'me' who is deliberately choosing to feel this thing which is separate to me. Could you perhaps talk through what's happening when you allow a sensation to unfold? I realize this can be hard - maybe impossible - to put into words though.
What about exercise and healthy eating?
My body functions well when I eat well. It feels less sluggish, less bloated, it digests food better and I feel energised. However, it has physical injury. When I don’t exercise and strengthen my muscles, the pain is significant.
I have also noticed that as a result of these 2 things my body looks different to the periods I don’t.
If I am honest, part of the reason I like the exercise is to maintain this body shape, because I like it. Which I think is part of the identified self, is that right?
However, when I stop exercising for a while the injury pain always motivates me back to it.
I have often questioned myself this “double benefit” and not really come up with an answer other than that I’m not loving myself if I want to change my body. But I am also strengthening it because it becomes pain free? Now, with your teachings there could be some help!
Is Looking into the reason I want a particular shaped body where I should start? Should I stop admiring my body? What is the relationship with a fit and healthy body all about?
Thank you!
When you talk about stress as a subjective experience it sounds to me like victim blaming, spiritual bypass and the risk of keeping people dangerously stuck. How can we be in this conversation and acknowledge that many situations are intolerable for people?
Someone I love said something to me that felt cruel. I noticed that long after the heartfelt, sincere apologies were offered and received, there was still the icky ache in my stomach that I’m very, very familiar with.
Despite the forgiving, I noticed that there was still a holding onto it. As if it were money to be added to a savings account, I noticed with an “Ah-ha!” And an “Oh-oh!” And an “Oh Sh*t!” that part of me was kind of treasuring this hurt and adding it to the “I’m a victim” pile of memories and storied hurts.
It feels so icky, and so familiar. Safe. Known. But so painful. This pile has been established and added to throughout my whole life. I remember feeling this ache as a small child.
So this time the hurt was added to the pile with new information. It is seen. Compassion rushes in. And a marveling that the body/mind has created this as a painfully necessary way to secure the identity. And that part of the identity is “victim.”
I suppose there must be villain moments. I hope not too many. I know in the incident the other day there was a projection onto the person’s hurtful remark as “villain.” All seen through this body-mind’s lens.
My question. Does the body/mind eventually give up this black/white view or does it continue, but as seen for the story it is? Is this the healing you talk of?
I don’t know if this is ok or not to ask you directly?
Reading Sane. Page 46. Can you please clarify re “Forgetting this, the self believes itself to be a real entity that must be secured and defended. It looks out on a world that is full of danger. It forgets that it is looking in a mirror”.
I was working through an example of this - so thinking of a colleague at work who I feel threatened by/feel in danger around/get fight/flight response around because I think she is harsh and belligerent. Does this mean that harsh and belligerent thinking is arising in ‘me’ but it’s too threatening to the identity /idea of me who always has to be a ‘nice’ person/or always kind person to be liked, so I project it out onto Julie who is then actually just a mirror to the harsh and belligerent thinking in ‘me’?
Or am I just getting completely tied up in knots here?
You often observe that we are "doing so well" or "really good with this" as we are in the midst of articulating when there is stage 2 happening.
Meaning we are noticing the child in place, the identification pattern, the stories, etc
Can you share, from observing so many people over the years, what is it about this stage you find "good" or indicating maturity somehow?
I am wondering if you ever question your inner yes/no after that fact that it seemed so clear.
For example when you decided to separate from your husband, was it a one and done decision or did you ever second guess yourself?
Perhaps that would be a clue that it was not a inner yes/no if there was some doubt after the fact or as humans do we just do that?
May I give a suggestion for a future video? Could you speak about how to deal with narcissists based on the nondual understanding? I struggle massively with this due to my childhood trauma. Thanks
Need a bit of clarification around feelings/sensations.
Is the only real value of them only as feedback information to the system? To observe them and feel them when they arise?
I see a tendency to (especially with the ones where resistance is still very strong) to bite into them, dissect them, search what caused them, etc. But listening to the last webinars on the WELL course doing this is totally in vain.
Feels like my mind jumps in the middle of it and wants to get rid of it which makes all together even worse and prevents the body from just noticing and feeling it.
I have a question about physical symptoms that continue while doing this exploration. My struggle area happens to be health fears but the question could apply to any area that seems to cause stress, anxiety, panic attacks, etc.
Although I logically know that health fears are a bit of insanity since they revolve around a complete unknown, clearly something still looks real and believable because the scary thoughts and uncomfortable physical symptoms continue to arise. (For weeks before any upcoming appointment, danger danger thoughts arise as part of my childhood conditioning. They ramp up as the appointment gets closer, during it, and after it if I have to wait for results.)
It makes sense that peace is the ability to have it all, and in the midst of any emotion and experience, to continually put attention on what doesn’t change. But what about the toll the physical symptoms take on the body, especially if it’s been a lifetime of them? It seems like the belief that they could be continually harming the body stands in the way of peace - it’s what causes fear and resistance now, more than the sensations themselves and the stories about the appointments and results.
You remind us that because we see everything through the lens of our own conditioning then how people appear to us isn't objectively true. This is part of why inquiring about how someone else is a mirror of our own behaviors is so powerful.
You also remind us to look for information/truth in what people say to/about us.
Is that because the things they say are still screened through our conditioning? Or is it because relative truth delivered from apparently someone else is still valuable?
In response to your podcast on CBD oil as spiritual bypassing. 24 April.
I love the episode by the way. I love so many of them, thank you.
Is there an importance of understanding the cause of the child’s playout, or is being really present to and digging into the emotion, into what is being hidden and the experienced enough? E.g do we need to trace back to the specific trauma that occurred to know where the trigger comes from? Is acknowledging it as childhood trauma without knowing or investigating the actual source, the trauma itself spiritual bypass? ❤️
I almost think I understand what you are saying here, but then I give myself a head-ache when I think about it for too long!
Would it be correct to say that we are accountable for the thoughts/behaviours/actions of our body-mind but not to blame for them?
This is how I have been thinking about this recently and it seems to allow me to take a real honest close up look at my life without beating my self up and falling into a self-blame or victim mentality.
Thank you for any thoughts you have on this,
I understand what you say Clare, and when you speak it feels so freeing, but I have questions because of what I have known.
I have previously understood that thought creates our feelings, actions and experiences.
If everything is a creation of thought or a perceived self identity, in order to have a positive experience, I have understood to need to have positive thought.
If our attempt to create positive thought comes from a separation of self, and that the thoughts are not ours, what role does positive affirmations, and manifestation play? Are they futile?
When I feel in a place of love and I can generate a feeling of love, I feel good. The world feels good, and my experience feels good. Should I be falsely generating feelings of love? Even if I go into my own heart to do it?
Sometimes, I go into my heart and talk to my heart and feel my heart, this feels like I am connecting with the real me. What is this?
In my questioning “what is the point?” Over the years, if we are just existing on earth to eat drink sleep and work, what is the point, I am sent back to something my aunt told me when I was a child. I meant nothing to me until recently. She said life is about love. It’s all she said, or all I remember, if she elaborated.
I interpret that now as love for another, love for self, love for nature and seeing love, beauty and good in all and everything. Is that what it’s about?
Today i am having “fuck you @Clare “ moment and not even having the courtesy to say white witch do she won’t get tagged. Honestly, you have one minute of feeling nice and there she is with the first well module, bringing in the misery. Reporting happy moments, she won’t have any of it. And now even journalling on things you’re grateful for is now not allowed. It’s like that friend you (used to, I’m not friends with any of them now) that no matter what you say puts a downer on it/pisses on your fire. Or I can go study human design that shows how the mind/body is made and the god-portals to explore what we really are but minus all the misery and suffering. Feeling so angry I have to continue with this stupid, miserable navel-gazing course, suffering-hunting all the time. Fuck you Clare Dimond. 😡 The rest of you are alright.
Ok will listen agsin but was something about ‘your symptoms will probably get worse’ and it was more the podcast from yesterday. Nothing in particular, just feeling in a good mood then you just not allowing that for even one moment, putting a downer on that good mood, denying it, saying that’s not true or reality. Saying instead we want freedom. I thought ‘fuck this, fuck freedom, just leave me one to be happy. I’ll take that over freedom. I’m done.
It seems like we need to develop an identified Separate sense of Self before we can ‘unidentify’ it.
Is that true or is the way to bypass that step?
Do you talk to your children about this understanding and If so, what does that look like?
First of all, I am so happy with your courses and podcasts. I learned so much! And with your openness and honesty and vulnerability and down to earth spirituality I could not thing of a better teacher for me!
I am writing to you because I am not sure of one concurrent issue in my thought patterns and that is „not having a partner and wanting one“
I see a pattern of thinking about it, making it „my big life problem“ but not doing anything (which means not being on a dating platform or meeting anybody). I am very happy in my life, I am independent, have a handful of close, life-long friends, never feel bored or lonely and plenty of things to do all the time (reading, enjoying nature, enjoying just being etc). But still there is this nagging thought something is wrong with me because I do not have a partner...
The point which I do not get: Is it spiritual bypassing (thinking I do not need one), is it not facing my childhood issues (in not going on dating sites, „just" pretending that I enjoy my independence), is it completely suited for me not being in a longterm stable partnership and just the ego which desperately seeks a bone to keep? What is it?
Which I can see as well is the ego wrapping its thoughts around one thing , because there is not much else left for it to keep itself alive…
Which I can se is comfortable to fill my head with, and listen to relationship podcasts and follow dating advices, it’s like a good old friend who is always there and keeps me entertained… (but then again, is this spiritual-bypassing and not facing whatever I have to face?)
Thank you for a brilliant 'How does it fit together' webinar. I really loved it.
The question came up about what to say to introduce this conversation to a client who doesn't already have any knowledge of it, and your response was for the teacher/coach to go within to see where the issue that the client has come with is a reflection of them/their experience.
Can you please say more about this, and how this may inform the conversation.
Few days ago I was part of a work meeting and during that meeting I noticed how my
emotions were roller coasting from totally being pissed off by the other participants to enormous self pity.
A day later my period arrived a bit earlier this month and I contributed all of this emotional spinning to this fact.
My question is if emotional experiences of these hormonal changes are in any connection with reality? Do they magnify some conditioning that needs to be enquiry?
Or is body-mind just hijacked by these changes and updating ''Aha this is happening'' is enough?
I can't decide if the feelings I am feeling are sadness at the loss of my marriage or doubt as to whether I have made the right decision. We have let go of a lot of the past and come to a place of love & understanding. We have been in counselling for nearly a year & a half which has helped. We are separated but live together but we just can't seem to come back together & connect, it feels like we have come too far down the road & the gap is too wide between us now even though we have a mutual love and respect for each other. I guess I am just scared , I am going to regret the decision in years to come .....
I noticed yesterday feeling sad and hurt for no apparent reason. The mind made up a bunch of possible reasons later, but I don't know if an of them are true. Here is also an intense desire to ball up and hide, again no apparent reason.
No arguments, mo losses, no imminent stress.
If part of this exploration is the system changing patterns, then are random emotional releases part of it?
You say we are here to have these experiences fully, are we doing that when there isn't a clear narratives much as when there is? Or is this just release of suppressed hurt?
For more information on the membership (closes midnight on 28 April) click here:
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When you say reality literally changes, is that different than saying the our view/perception of reality changes.
I have heard the phrase 'nothing changes but everything is different’ and am wondering if that is what is meant by that.
It seems to me that as my perception shifts, I behave differently and then others may or may not shift?
Is that how the whole world is set free or is there something more for me to see here?
So I have been in this conversation a while and I have seen that there is no I, I get that it’s a system with no chooser etc.
But, “I” would really like to lose some weight! However that must, in some way, not make sense to the system for that to happen because there is no inspiration, motivation, willpower or action happening. If there is a decision to do so it loses its momentum after a couple of days, I guess my heart isn’t really in it but at the same time I don’t want to keep gaining weight! What do I do? I feel a bit like I don’t want to just wait for it to make sense for action to happen, that feels like bypassing, but at the same time how do I make action happen? There’s obviously some confusion here!
I'm reading Real. And just to be clear I’ve read a ton of non duality so not a beginner so to speak. Could you just quickly clarify your difference between custodial responsibilities but yet having no control over say thought. It makes it feel a bit that if I have responsibility I have some control over that. Maybe just a brief clarification of what is meant by this phrase. Thank you. I like the book, just can’t quite square that. Thanks very much,
I found your work about 3 months ago. I am slowly understanding your teachings. Tonight I listened to your talk about desire and it was such absolute Truth with a capital “T”. While I was listening I fell into ease, I relaxed for the first time in weeks and I saw it all. Desire ——I don’t get what I want…I blame someone or something or myself…I try harder….I, I, I, …..whew. Thank you Clare for helping me. I just realized the word “myself” is really interesting suddenly. The word seems to encapsulate the big confusion. Big love from over the pond Clare. You are quite the awakened teacher and guide. Linda
hi Clare what is your view on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. Do they have a role in this conversation. Can they help understanding or do they make it harder?
In your book “Inside-out guide to life, unlimited”, pages 58, 59:It looks like when someone dies that they have gone. In reality, they have not gone anywhere because the Awareness and Love that they really were, is the same Awareness and Love that we are. The way we experienced them through Thought while alive, is still the same in death. As Byron Katie says, “No one can leave me.”… Whether he is physically here or not, his life lives for me, as it always did, in the Awareness that I make possible.… And that within this Awareness that we are, it is impossible for us to lose anyone, impossible to be separate.Query
I still can’t get it that “no one can leave me”, that “it is impossible for us to lose anyone, impossible to be separate.” Can help?
Morning Clare. I’ve listened to this understanding for a few years now and a feel no wiser. I have recently done a course with Amy Johnson. I feel more confused than ever. It’s like everybody talks in riddles. I’m 62 now and I think if I haven’t got it now I never will. I feel like my mind as a mental block and no information gets past that.
I had a nervous breakdown 6 years ago with phsicotic events. It’s left me a bag of nerves I rarely leave my home now unless someone is with me. I’ve recently been diagnosed with cronic fatigue syndrome. Do you think the brain can be damaged through a breakdown.
How does writing go for you?
An insight flows through. An ah-ha. And I’m moved to write about it. The process of writing it out always seems to deepen the insight, making it richer, deeper and more delicious.
The words flow through and express themselves on the digital page. I am writing this? Not really, I seem to be reading this.
When the writing seems to be done and no further tweaks are needed and reread, it feels too good not to share. So I post it.
People respond. They resonate with the words or they don’t.
When they respond positively here’s where the confusion comes in.
In truth, “I” didn’t write this. I, too, am the receiver, the resonator, if that’s a word.
Yet… the “I” that I think I am is pleased, takes pleasure in these positive responses. A mini or not so mini reward is seen and felt. And I somehow feel “I shouldn’t be feeling this. I didn’t write it. And, I admit, I feel like “After all the classes, all the seeing, this mini reward shouldn’t be felt.”
So I wonder, what does Clare feel when she writes or puts stuff out there?
I saw this quote:
Late diagnosis (of autism) means grieving all the time spent trying to fix parts of you that never needed fixing.
How does that fit with what you are teaching?
I have heard you say a few times now how the healing we do for ourselves, sets the whole world free.
Can you please say more about that as I am not sure I follow how that works.
I am wondering what I should look for when I choose a spiritual teacher. In theory if someone is enlightened then they are living life from love and abundance and should therefore have everything they want. Can I ask about your personal life? Would you say you have everything you want? If not why should I listen to what you say because this is obviously not working for you.
What about autism? “I am autistic” is an identification of the self as something other than what we really are. But to simply say it’s therefore untrue feels like a denial/spiritual bypass. And are the challenges this particular diagnosis presents with still ‘gifts’ that are portals to healing?
I saw this quote:
Late diagnosis means grieving all the time spent trying to fix parts of you that never needed fixing.
How does that fit with what you are teaching?
“Specificity forces the mind to say what it wants and get what it wants"
Can you say more about that
My first post in here. Absolutely love everything you share Clare Dimond. It's life changing.
Just had a really cool experience I wanted to share.
This morning I went to type an email greeting. My usual greeting is, 'Hi there' but on this email I had it in my head to write a different greeting. But my body remembered 'Hi there' and typed that instead. So the thoughts said one thing and the hands typed another.
Would love to hear thoughts on what is happening. I think I can see a link between this and those habitual reactions our body has to the world 'out there'. Feels like a bit more clarity on this.
You often use the words aliveness, consciousness, intelligence, love and presence interchangeably but there are huge differences between them. Why don’t you stick to one?
Do things need to become conscious to change? What is the value of an experience being had at a conscious level
Dearest Clare,
I think I understand this concept but want to check it out to be sure and clear – forgiveness
A few times you have mentioned not using forgiveness or acceptance anymore --- as a bypass is how I heard it.
Now in Be the Change (and yes, I laugh along with you as you love this course and so do I !!!!), you bring in the Ho-oponopono for us to use with the mirror exercise.
It does say, I am sorry, Please forgive me –etc.
Is this forgiveness “right” because we have already seen and acknowledged source accountability?
In other words, we don’t use acceptance of another’s behavior or just flippantly forgiving them without seeing the mirror of the behavior in ourselves first?
How about forgiving ourselves as we are just conditioned by so much when these reactions/triggers/resentments arise in relationships (after the mirror of course)?
I hear you talk about the absolute, the relative and the illusory. Can you remind me what these terms mean? I have it in my head that the absolute is the infinite/mind. The illusory is our constantly changing experience of form via the medium of thought. But then there this in-betweeny thing of the relative that is neither and the body, I’ve heard you say, sits in that category, and the body you talk of as ‘real’. I’m not sure why the body doesn’t also fall under the category of the illusory and gets its own category as it is also form. Confused…
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Is there really an advantage to the separate self if so what is it and why does it make sense to dissolve it
Hi Clare,
I've been inquiring into the intense anxiety and desperateness that shows up in nearly all situations where it looks like I'm responsible for something.
The child wants approval from everyone, all the time. And yet there's not enough assurance in the world to address this deep bottomless need.
Is telling that child "I approve" part of addressing it? Does that reinforce a separateness in the psyche? How is it different from simply saying "I love you"?
Any input you have would be appreciated,
Is there a time and a place when we don't need to go into the feeling. Is there a danger of becoming too hypervigilant around feelings
There's an experience of 'head-funk' right now (an indication of separation/mind entanglement) so I'd appreciate some feedback..
Responsibility. It comes up A LOT here and in coaching conversations. In the sense of a heaviness of personal responsibility for children/team at work (as a team leader) and others in general. It's a pervasive story about their wellbeing resting on me. That obviously can't be true but looks SO true. Especially with the blurred lines with children in the context of guiding/caring for and looking after their needs.
In no-separation (dropping out of that self-story), it feels like it's about source accountability - ie. showing up moment-by-moment and responding in alignment with what makes sense (feeling the integrity of that intersection between 'all-that-we-are' and the gritty, humanness of life).
So in sanity, it drops out of the loop of going via the 'story self/identity' and there's simply intimacy with the moment. That already feels lighter and clearer.
I'd welcome your perspectives x
Dear Clare,
For some time I wanted to ask you how you see quriosity in this process of inquiry of who we truly are?
Looks like its energy brings openness and lightness. It carries little self identification and is true balsam in life in comparison with heaviness and devastation that shame brings.
Thank you a lot :)
All the best
Urska
Hello Clare,
The last few times I felt shame, I got excited as the realisation hit me:
“Oh… I’m feeling shame!”
… like in ‘discovering a hint in a treasure hunt’
Who knew shame could be exciting??
You make me curious of my ‘worst nightmare’. :)
I then heard ‘Clare in my head’ saying:
“What’s at stake here? What is being protected? Shame is where you are most identified. There’s a ‘you’ doing, a ‘you’ deciding…”
Indeed! So much energy involved in trying to control the way people see ‘me’. So much energy that could be used to flourish.
And, little by little, ‘I am’noticing some of that energy being diverted towards new endeavours. ‘I am’ noticing the doing of things I would not have dared trying in the past.
And now, I’m hearing ‘Clare in my head’ again:
“This is freedom!”
Thank you, Clare. I’m so grateful for your teachings 💛
Dear Clare,
Thank you again for the powerful conversation we had yesterday.
I felt safe with you and wasn't so scary to dig deep into one of my core wounds.
Just wanted to share that yesterday awareness went a bit further and I noticed later on
accompanied feeling of guilt with feeling of not being OK/ not being worth the way I am.
Welcoming this feeling of guilt firstly revealed the feeling of guilty that I need so much love & approval. And staying present a bit longer I saw this feeling is actually shame in disguise. Feeling responsible with strong believing in a doer/chooser/decider that is behind this strong craving for attention and love and that he/she shouldn't be like that.
Thank you again and lotz of love :)
Urska
Firstly thank you, I feel so lucky to have found you & your teaching.
I feel my grounding is accelerating & I am living in the home space so much more.
Can we talk about hormones?
This month I have been feeling a low grade depression, I feel it is hormone related as it happens after ovulation. This has been my pattern all my adult life but once I saw through it with the principles I saw that it was not two weeks low mood & I had good days and bad days in the 2nd half of my cycle. But this month I am not lifting & I am totally resisting this. Then I go to, I must be perimenopausaul , how can I fix this? or what do I need to feel & trying to manage my experience. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
hi Clare I loved your book it’s not me and it’s not you. Would you say that When we heal do we get what we want to have in our life?'
This course is blowing me away - quite literally 🤣 and I’m loving the journey. It is so powerful to confront the ego and feel into that contraction and inquire into the story from the position of neutral, curious awareness.
I am wanting to get more experientially connected with the portal of powerful healing. Your book recommendation for this portal is Dr Nicole LePara How to Do the Work. So before buying, I listened to a podcast with Dr Nicole speaking about the book and what she teaches in it. She talked repeatedly about her ethos being about moving beyond the traditional teachings of psychology to embracing the holistic inter-connected whole mind-body system and its inter-connectedness to all life as a whole..
Then she emphasised about us being the chooser of our actions and I wondered if this was contradictory to the non-dual teaching of no chooser and doer. The latter is starting to really land for me - particularly the way that new choices/decisions occur sub-consciously through changes in what is understood by the mind-body system- and I don’t want to resurrect old beliefs by reading this book if one of its keystone premises is that there is a little me who has the power to makes choices. Please can you advise me on any caveat as to how I engage with the messages in the book in order to gain from it the things you had in mind when you recommended it.
I am on the Be the Change course and I love what you are saying. Is there a risk though that it might open the doors to victim blaming? How do we make sure that doesn’t happen.
I was on a retreat and the teacher and the participants laughed at the idea of non-dual therapy because all of it is an illusion anyway and yet your work seems to be going more and more in that direction. Can you say more?
Cycle of retraumatisation: example from social media
My partner moved in at the beginning of the year, a month later we bought our first puppy. Neither of us has owned a dog before but were both super excited.
I hate my life now. I was so happy with my partner moving in, it felt so natural and my 12 year DD adjusted well too. Home has always been my favourite place and now I absolutely hate being here. My partner is very active in caring for pup so it’s not like he’s not helping.
We’ve just had a row over pup as he tried to come downstairs and take over because he thought I was getting too angry. This just felt so patronising and obviously hit a nerve because I do feel like the worlds shittest dog owner.
He loves pup and they are best mates, I just feel like the evil puppy hater and I’m jealous of the bond they have. I’ve had 3 hours sleep tonight and I'm currently on the sofa next to pups crate just crying. Someone please tell me it gets better because I’m starting to feel very very dark.
I’m just gobsmacked at the emotional toll it’s taking. I find the screech type barking really hard and I don’t have a huge amount of patience. My partner does though so I just feel so inferior.
I wasn’t a great mum to my daughter when she was born and it’s triggering that exact same guilt. I knew it would be hard I just didn’t expect it to make me miserable and resentful
OMG, I just realised the “I can’t do xyz or I’ll die” (the basis of nearly all of our/my fears) doesn’t mean my body will die, it means the construct of ‘I’ will die!! It’s total bullshit, all of it, because I doesn’t even exist!
How can the mirror exercise not lead to self recrimination - something that I am very good at?
I would like to be "love", "hope", "freedom", "peace", "joy", and me. How? The "me" would love to wake up one day and be the definition of these words.
Does anyone have a story they can share with me of suffering = healing. It really doesn’t feel that way right now!
I listened to today’s podcast and found it really helpful, but I have a further question if that’s ok? Clare talked about going into the body being the way in which we come into reality, into the present moment and into true healing. But if we feel our thinking, then surely the sensations in the body are a result of our current thinking, in that moment, which is made up of the continual searching to find peace? I do find it helpful going into the body but it also revs up my mind, but perhaps that is because I have such a detached relationship with my body that going into it brings up fear.
I hope the question makes sense!
This morning I went into the body instead of the narrative. Within a few minutes I experienced quiet and then got out of bed. 5:15 am which I often would go back to sleep but I thought I'd journal. There wasn't much there. I could have gone back into the narrative while journaling but I didn't.
Okay so here I am SANE as you would say.
My mind goes - Now what?
I spent years doing a method where I would question thoughts/beliefs. It served me to see that "I" was making a choice and that if I wanted to feel happier then I could choose to believe something else. It was powerful to discover that my thoughts created my reality. After 15 years of this approach, I entered the coaching world and found an infinite number of approaches to feeling happier, content, grounded including meditation, 3Ps, falling into the space of who/what I really am, etc.
When I came across your work and had the mind-blowing realization that "I/ME" was an accumulation of thoughts, stories - a spinning mental narrative projecting an external world of childhood wounds, traumas, insecurities - I was excited because I knew it was true. "I" was a story.
Even with that knowledge, every morning, I wake up into a fear-based, identified mind e.g. terror, low-level anxiety, worry, out-of-control imagination of bad things happening to me and my loved ones, etc and when I engage with those thoughts, I notice the same themes of lack, control, wrongness, trying to be safe, resistance, etc. This experience feels real, feels like ME, who I am. Intellectually, I know that isn't true but it's experienced as true, real.
I've heard you say to question the mind's narrative, get curious, parent the child/survival mind. . .but I end up caught in the negative mental loop. And I've heard you say - get sane, present - go into the body. When I do the latter, I can feel the levels of fear, discomfort. I can get beneath them to feel sensations and often quiet is experienced. But nothing else.
Isn't this a form of spiritual bypass? I know I'm not using spiritual superiority as a way to hide from insecurities but I'm "avoiding" the mental narrative by going into the body. I'm not experiencing the fear or anger or upset. I'm not "facing" the stories of lack, examining the childhood wounds, questioning them nor understanding them.
Any more thoughts on this would be helpful.
I've been experimenting. I'm a new coach and a few days after listening to the abundance subliminal secured my first paying client, hehe!
I am immersed in your youtube podcast ... and have read the Home and It's not You books ... so far!
I hope you are feeling better ... and thank you for your work!
What does "heart not in it" or "going through the motions" mean if there is no self?
"to do the base functions of an activity without much thought or interest or enthusiasm" also to do it without commitment or insincerely.
If emotions are continuing to shift, is this just the system doing what makes sense without the emotions ending up as interested or pleasurable? I do dishes every day, I wouldn't describe it as going through the motions, and also wouldn't say it's interesting or that I do them enthusiastically.
I just found out that my daughter is self harming again or still. Also she thinks she can’t anything and so she just doesn’t care. About school in this case. She still cares a lot about animals. I have like a black out in an exam. I want to see my equivalent but I don’t know what to look for. Ok, the don’t care was quite a pattern but not so much anymore. But the self harming? Yes I used to smoke, and take drugs and binge eat, but I‘m not for decades/years. This can’t be it?
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Can we revisit the "real world" bit as in where information about reality stops and imagination begins and vice versa.
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I noticed in a recent call you said "isn't it interesting how reality can shift so dramatically from one moment to the next?"
The speaker had been commenting about what I have noticed as well, that for example in the morning there will be "bad" feelings about a specific situation, and then in the afternoon it somehow looks different although nothing about the situation has changed. I have called this the perceptual lens changing. But you call it reality. Is that because there is no doer choosing to have one specific lens or another? Or is it because all reality is subjective? Or both? And this is also why non-dual teachers say everything is an illusion at the far end of this discussion?
I get confused around the notion of "privilege" that's more and more common these days.
How do racism, sexism, classism, etc. all fit into our understanding?
As a valid, white, heterosexual cis-woman I sometimes feel the social pressure to acknowledge my "privilege" or witness people confessing theirs, but it doesn't quite make sense on a deeper level.
How can I be responsible or sorry for my race/gender/sexual orientation, etc?
I was at an anti-racism workshop lately and the vocabulary appeared to reinforce duality: victim/villain, people of colour/white people, etc.
How do you approach discrimination through a compassionate non-dual lens?
Is there really such a thing as "privilege" ?
I've often heard you talk about the love that we find when all our believed thoughts and illusions are finally dropped. Obviously, I've never gotten anywhere near a million miles away from even first base in this respect, but I'm feeling a tad anxious and lacking that even in my most "oh, I think I just had a bit of a glimpse of what everyone's pointing at" moments, I never seem to have any kind of connection with anything like a love feeling. I can feel nice and peaceful and calm enough, yes, but it's a pleasantly nothingy kind of feeling at best. So I was wondering if one day you could talk a bit more about this love and joy and expansive freedom that is real Reality, and - oh, I don't know - I suppose I'm asking you to make me feel a bit better at not being able to feel it. Sorry. Told you I'm a real pain. But I truly am curious/puzzled as to what exactly you mean when you use the word "love" for what lies beyond.
Still, I do know what I mean when I say all love to you,
I am doing the Be the Change course. I understand the message that change happens from within us . but there are still terrible acts out there. People’s behaviour can be violent and dangerous. is there not a risk that we will let this go untacked while we are working on ourselves?
Since starting to learn about non duality and having some big shifts in realisation I am finding myself getting frustrated with my friends and the inconsequential things they discuss. I feel like saying to them that none of these things are real anyway but of course I don’t but I do end up withdrawing from the conversation and getting quieter. What should I do about this. Is it only possible now to have friends that are in this conversation?
Great blog as always...
It leaves me with the sense that I'm still not seeing something. There is a sense that what thoughts are 'paid attention to' and which aren't is somehow within 'my' control. What you're saying is that this is not true. There is no 'I' to direct awareness. So there's confusion. In your work I understood we were exploring and noticing the 'programme'. In the noticing and new learning, a new 'programme' is formed. But if there is 'no thing' directing awareness how does this even work?! My misunderstanding - I notice a belief that has unto this point been 'running the show'. In the noticing and being with the feelings, healing happens. A 'new pathway' is formed. But who is doing that? Who is noticing the 'old beliefs' and sitting with the feelings?
Seeing that we are the awareness watching this mind body system make choices, and there is no impact to make “out there”, I’m really watching my system go into “well what’s the point then”, in a way dissolving any of my past externally driven motivations.
I also see how from here it’s just watching the system do the next thing there is to do, including doing nothing or sitting with this confusion.
If there’s no world out there to make an impact in, then there’s really the freedom to experience what we’d like to experience next, in a non-attached way being ok if it doesn’t happen.
So this observer now becoming creator of next thing this system will experience is what I’m curious about now.
Going from “well what’s the point” to “wow there’s only freedom now” I’m sorta getting intellectually, and I’m excited to experience it in an embodied/integrated way! 🥴🤩🤓
With this understanding we attend so much more to all the things that are happening inside which can lead to very strong experiences and I wonder how to deal with this overwhelming state, especially in situations with other people?
Since we all have our separate realities. Words like Peace, Joy, Happiness, etc. are defined differently by each of us with our separate realities. Because our definitions will all be different, are any of the definitions of these thoughts and feelings True/Truthful?
I’m about to start the Be the Change course and I’m worried what it will do to me.
There are so many things I want to change about the world and I feel as someone with values that this is important. I scroll through social media and I see the videos of violence and the confusion out there. It makes me feel sick and anxious and often I can’t sleep for worrying about the state of the world - especially if I have listened to the news late at night. I am worried that you are just going to say well stop scrolling social media, stop listening to the news. I know that will make me feel better but in a way I don’t want to feel better. Why should I feel peaceful when people are suffering? If I stop looking at these feeds then I worry I’ll end up just end up in some sort of removed bubble, not in touch with reality. So I guess my question is how can I stay in touch with what is going on but still stay in this conversation?
It always surprises me how some of my vegan friends are offensive towards me as someone who eats meat.
Is being Vegan really about the love for animals?
Well their offensives can go off the roof. Do they really fight for animal rights or just protect their values?
This question came from the conclusion that even the most altruistic act is driven by selfishness to get something for the SELF.
Like my own example of going volunteering to the dog shelters. At one point I saw how doing this is for me to get praise and admiration and has little to do with the stray dogs.
I have been incredibly emotional lately. I cry a lot, actually so much that I am wondering if that is still normal. Also I was very irritated in some situations at work and afterwards I felt like it was really unprofessional to lose my temper.
I think I have always been a very emotional person and my feelings are always very intense. I only let myself have them at home and with very few people I trust a lot. In all the other situations it feels too dangerous and I kind of make sure to always keep my emotions out of everything because I don't want to scare people away or lose control over what I say. It feels like something did break open and that there is something very important and powerful in this, and I wonder where to go with this.
Sometimes I feel like a child that hasn't learned yet how to regulate their emotions, and now that I am writing this I wonder if I actually really haven't learned this yet.
Writing this E Mail also seems kind of inappropriate because I learned that I should't be like this, so I have many thoughts about what anyone reading this would think about me.
As always I wonder if any of what I just wrote makes sense, and would be very happy if you could share your thoughts on this.
I’ve been doing some exercises around the ‘headless way’ which involves noticing that there isn’t really a person looking ‘out’ at experience, there is just an expansive nothingness. Through the exercises ‘I’ have seen this, but the nagging question keeps coming back…
How can it be true that there isn’t a centre to experience when what ‘I’ experience is also unique to this body, these eyeballs etc.? If I was blind or deaf, I would experience the world entirely differently. Does this not imply that there is an ‘experiencer’ with unique qualities which then inform their experience? How can this be reconciled with the idea that there is only ‘pure’ awareness or experience?
Hi Clare I was brought up by a mum who was very anxious about what people thought of her. She would often over commit to helping others and end up exhausted. I can see the same tendency’s and lack of boundaries in myself and so I try to say no but then I hear you talking about unconditional love and I get confused. Does it mean always saying yes to people?
A relative of mine was recently sectioned and diagnosed with psychosis. I understand psychosis to be a condition in which contact is lost with external reality. I spoke to them just before they went into hospital and I could see that what they were saying did not relate to my understanding of reality. But aren’t we saying in the conversation that there is no external reality any way. If that is the case then aren’t we all psychotic if we believe there is? How come there can be degrees of reality?
I hear a lot in social media about gas lighting. I haven’t experienced it myself I don’t think but every time I hear it mentioned I wonder how can there be such a thing as gas lighting if there is as you say no objective reality. Can you help with this please?
I’m a member and fan of your subliminals. Great to see how the mind is kept out, and the body still reacts on the hidden messages.
I used to be a hypnotherapist and would like to know your opinion on the use of plain Hypnosis (a different technique, as you know, from subliminals). With hypnosis, the brain is not kept out, you actually hear the spoken words. It works as a program on top of another program and I’ve seen with clients that sometimes the ‘old’ unwanted program returns.
I wonder whether hypnosis could help people remember who they really are. That it is safe to allow every feeling, every sensation in the body. Even the unwanted ones and the resistance are welcome.”
As I see how much your teachings and my training as a 3 Principles facilitator helped me, I would like to combine this with plain hypnosis to help other people who are desperate for relief.
Since you are also a trained hypnotherapist, I would like to hear your opinion.
Thank you so much Clare for your dedicated and loving teachings.
I just watched the mental health webinar und I heard something I never heard before. You said: 'All conscious experience is a healing place for us' and you also said that the physical is healed here, too. Can you say more about that?
It's funny because it feels like I never heard this before AND I don't know what you mean, apart from seeing the conditioning, but is this healing? Doesn't feel like. I am sure you have spoken a milllion times about that.
Do you think identification squelches our unique desires?
Example: if I am with a friend and they are talking with enthusiasm and excitement about going on a backpacking trip. Prior to this conversation I didn't have much desire to go on a backpacking trip. Or they want to watch musicals, or they want to try a dance class....etc. Now there's a sudden "I want to to do this!" impulse or urge showing up.
Is that a genuine desire?
A form of conditioned patterning of a desire that's a form of comparison (they're cool I want to be cool, or they're excited, I want that excitement - must be from the backpacking)?
Is this a latent desire that emerges when someone else speaks it?
It seems like identification hides desires or puts false ones in place in an attempt to obtain a specific emotional state,
thank you!
“Relationships are not meant to be fun”
What? Why?
How can you say that so confidently?!?
When I left my first marriage, I could have said exactly what the listener said in your podcast.
I know I did not do my work then as it was all about him and why I couldn’t continue to be in the relationship because of how he was.
However we have 3 children and so have stayed in touch and actually have a lovely relationship even though he has not changed in any way that I can see.
So I can honestly say I love him, but would not consider living together again.
So my question is….
If relationships are not meant to be fun, why would one ever consider being in a committed one?
Why not just do your ‘work’ with all the relationships in your life and then have a partner just for fun?
As usual looking forward to and dreading your answer.
Book recommendations from Tia:
The Body Remembers Volumes 1 and 2 by Babette Rothschild, these really helped me understand the power of adaptation and that even behaviors we judge as "bad" had some type of intelligence for survival, even if they are no longer useful. These are written for therapists/practitioners so some chapters people might skip, however I find the case studies relatable and helpful in understanding why therapists make some of the choices they do.
Call of the Wild: How We Heal Trauma, Awaken Our Own Power and Use it For Good by Kimberly Ann Johnson - This gives a clear explanation of nervous system function, somatics and its varied applications.
Bodyfulness: by Christine Caldwell - This gives an overview of core concepts with multiple practices to try at the end of each chapter. It's a bit more heady
I have a bookshop affiliate page if that's helpful: https://bookshop.org/shop/findingmindfulnow
Somatic organizations I recommend in the US:
-Lumous Transforms
-Strozzi Institute
-Generative Somatics
-The Embody Lab (they have students from across the globe) - people can look at the list of practitioners from the Integrative Somatic Trauma Therapy Certification for other directions.
In one of the last recordings you said something like:
The truth of us…
Before the layers of conditioned separation…
Before that just life in a form - intelligence just doing what made sense.
So much science is now showing how trauma begins often times before birth. A fetus is taking in so much from the host/mother – all her fears, traumas, etc. This can even change the DNA and start the process of potential disease that will manifest years later.
So, are your initial statements true? If so, when were “we” just intelligence doing what made sense? If trauma, fears, etc were already informing the body/mind system and already stored in the tissues/cells, then was there ever “ just life in a form and intelligence just doing what made sense?”
Wow, I’ve just listened to the shame part of life cycles and to one of the 1-1 recordings on this.
This is it, this is everything that has dominated my life, my whole life. I carried shame from a very early age, I cannot remember a time without it. Shame is all encompassing, every area of my life. The decisions I’ve made/make have been driven by shame. Withdrawal, isolation, working so hard to create the self-image that will hide my shame at all costs.
I just feel wrong. The wrong body, the wrong background, the wrong accent, the wrong mother, the wrong partner, the wrong coach. A failure. At 57yrs I have stopped trying to force myself into things. Stopped trying to have a coaching business, due to failures etc. My desire to heal myself has been longstanding and many qualifications and explorations have really helped. My coaching is both my superpower and my worst nightmare and I give up as the clients do not come. I feel shame.
I have a core belief that I can only ever rely on me. I cannot trust others to see me. But at the same time feel guilt and shame for some of the decisions I have made. I am not good enough.
When I first started listening to your programs I was intrigued by the non-doer. The way you describe the separation and pain of shame as so removed from reality of who we are is starting to shine a light. As I really have always felt separate, even with the 3P’s understanding, it hasn’t completely dissipated.
So, I’m keen to see more. Can you point me to more on your explanation of the non-doer within the membership that I could look at please? Also I have ordered your books, Home and Real, so maybe in there.
I haven’t attended the webinars live and I realise now that too is about shame! I have also noticed where my resistance comes up when I listening to the courses. Something is moving …..
When you see that your problem isn’t realistic, but brings up all kinds of kind created insecurity. How do you get to a place of knowing what ‘the child’ needs? For example, I’m unsure if my job is a good fit. Changing careers brings up feelings of anxiety and insecurity and I try to distract myself. I don’t really get the concept of inner child work. Can someone point me in the right direction?
I have a question for your podcast but not sure of the exact question- it’s something like…
The personal development world is filled with ideas, concepts, tools and techniques on how to change your life. To overcome money blocks, lose weight, find love, be successful in business, be visible and popular etc. I see within Personal Development there’s a mix of focussing on personal agency and also focussing on an unknown force sometimes called ‘universal laws’.
I remember experiencing tremendous freedom when the realisation that the self I had thought of as me was a creation, made up and that there were infinite possibilities and a limitless nature of being to experience.
So why after years and years do the same patterns continue to play out. What truly can change them or are some patterns meant to be our life experience in the same way someone born with no legs isn’t going to grow legs in this lifetime. Are some things set in stone or are all energetic patterns possible to change?
What would you say is the secret to changing seemingly set in stone patterns such as never having more than just enough money or always being in intimate relationships that don’t work?
I’ve heard you mention before that when we try to ”redirect attention away from thought” or “back away from thought” that we are kind of missing the point (something like that). I Feel like I’ve been caught in that pursuit for some time now, and I feel like I’m finally seeing something. It seems that when the mind takes on that goal, it then always comes up with an image of an “I” that is failing at the goal. Like the “I” that can never stay focused on the present moment or the “I” that cannot keep its attention away from negative or terrifying thoughts. All the while the intelligence of life is just responding in real time to what is actually happening. Is that kind of what you mean? I would love to hear your thoughts here or in a podcast. much love to you!
My husband & I are separating we still see a counsellor to keep up communication. I see that I love my husband (plutonically), I see he is a good person even though we don't want to be together anymore, I feel there is good will towards him. But the counsellor says that we are still stuck in a blame cycle. I find him too sensitive, emotionally immature, prone to sudden mood changes, he takes everything I say as a criticism. He thinks I critise him, I think ultimately I lost a lot of respect for him over many things that happened over the years & there was a lot of built up anger and resentment (which I think has gone but sometimes still arises). I feel like there is no going back but I still want to see what more I can do for my own learning about myself & for future relationships. What do you see I could learn? there is obviously judgement of him as I have stated above, how can I look further into to my part? I think we have gone past the point of no return & my feelings have fundamentally changed but I still judge who he is being a lot of the time, how he talks to my daughter, how he reacts to me, his impatience & anger blah blah blah.....
I started listening to your circles material after being introduced to it by my friend Ines. I have the membership so now slowly exploring the other content as well. Ive done years (decades) of meditation and non duality work and been in therapy my whole adult life, yet I feel like I always come back to this reality of my life right here and now. I haven’t been able to figure out exactly the circle I am in - I find myself in a repeating pattern of retraumatisation through work. Every job I take I end up being bullied, undermined and not paid for fairly for my work as promised. It feels like betrayal, I am very good at my job but there is no recognition or reward. I feel my very survival is threatened because I grew up poor and earning money is my route to safety, self esteem and being able to take care of myself without being dependent on anyone else. I just left an abusive job in New York (was there over 5 years) and moved to London and ended up in an even more dysfunctional and abusive situation than before. Its nuts. Meanwhile I am terrified of looking for another job and I am equally DESPERATE to get out of this place I find myself in. I also find my inner creativity is dried up - for example I used to want to start a business or help the homeless but I can’t act and I feel totally stuck. I have never grown or thrived at work - I have never been successful.
When the last cycle of trauma and abuse happened at work it was only 4 months after joining the company from Aug-Dec. I had high hopes for this job - searching for a feeling of engagement and enjoyment at work. It was such a shock to my system to go through the same abuse again that I felt like giving up on life. I have since regained my perspective and been able to detach but something still feels raw inside. I have spent years doing inner child work, feeling feelings facing trauma etc. yet I feel none of it helped otherwise I would not have found myself in this same job / worse abusive situation than before. I am 46 and have been working since I was 22 years old.
In addition, I am recognizing from your talk that I have limited my life for safety - I don have a partner nor many friends nor a social life - I work and then scuttle home to be with my dog with whom I feel safe. I think safety is a huge theme but not sure how to deal with it. I am currently working with a counsellor with whom I feel my inner child feelings and face them every two weeks or so. The rest of the time I am trying to be more conscious of triggers but instead find myself doing things like drinking half a bottle of wine or watching mindless telly but not sure what I am escaping from.
I am not sure how to identify the circle I am in nor the nub of the issue. And I certainly dont know how to let go of the doer. Despite years of zen meditation and seeing and near finding the self I feel it is very much in charge.
Thank you for the Life Cycles course, so much has come to the surface.
I see that Shame and Fear have been running the show all my life.
Shame of not being good enough and Fear of what others will think.
Coupled with this has been the huge sense of responsibility of getting everything right including agonising over making the ‘right’ decisions.
I see that I’ve permanently lived in a state of fight, flight or freeze and that this has attributed to my many health issues.
I currently have a health concern and see the usual patterns of behaviour playing out.
Having suffered pain in the body in the past I find myself unwilling to ‘go into the body to feel the sensations’ as you would suggest. So I feel stuck.
My question is, where do I go from here?
I went back to listen once again the shame part from our wonderful life circles course.
As within this circle the identification with the self as a doer and chooser is really at the highest level.
Holding the grip firmly with feeling enormous responsibility for my own words, actions and behaviours.
I see it as a self feeding/maintaining circle as when it's set it goes round and round by itself.
Until there is an inquiry of who we truly are. Being in this conversation seeing more and more that there isn't ''mini me'' inside my head orchestrating my life. Then shame loosens its grip. More source accountability/ no self accountability is present, more fresh and new information can enter the system and the system can self correct or self align with the truth.
So to conclude this long writing with the question. Is the system already designed as an innate auto corrective system? And the only partybreaker here is the confusion and identification with the self as doer, chooser ?
A question about insight.
It's often heralded as the "all that's needed" and sort of a reward for good behaviour in the form of a quiet mind. (3ps.
And yet it seems to me to be one facet of healing.
Almost as though as layers of thought are lifted from reality we may arrive at some insight which is more like "seeing eeper into truth".
Would you speak of nsight and healing please?
Perhaps you have a podcast on this already?
I heard Clare say that the self is the experience in the moment. So any idea of self can come up at anytime.
I struggle to see the concept of no self. Is there anyone who can help me see more about this?
I’ve listened to Safe and part of Home and it’s as though I just don’t understand the language around no self.
I also don’t get how to relate to any thoughts that start with ‘I’. How to tell if it’s coming from your true self or the co conditioned self.
Lately, I’ve noticed that when I have a pain or a discomfort in my body, my instant reaction is “Oh my God! You’re going to die,” and then I incessantly search the Internet to find every possible cause of my bodily sensation. And as is typical, I get really overwhelmed, I can’t face the overwhelm so I lie down and just let it pass, and it typically does.
When I saw this particular subliminal I thought it might help with all this. And don’t get me wrong Clare, I feel humbled and grateful just to be alive. I feel like a walking miracle. Overall, I’ve never felt so resilient and so connected with my true nature. And sure, there’s a part of me that was hoping the subliminal would fix this aspect of me OR at least help. Clearly there is still a part of my brain that is overreacting to and sensitive to odd bodily sensations.
So I guess my question is, “Do you think the subliminal can help with this?”
I have signed up for your membership programme and am finding it very insightful.
I feel like I get it more and more, having those 'i see of course thats whats going on in truth' but still every day is some form of torture - anxiety, shame, trigger after trigger after trigger.
I have seen a repeating pattern in my life struggle to find some peace and knew that the one constant fact in that was me, as I take myself with me for safe keeping everywhere I go. I knew the problem wasn't out there.
The life circles course feels like it was written for me about me, almost as soon as I would have a thought about what's going g on in me, you would then say that exact thing or feeling. Spooky really.
Intellectual understanding doesn't result freedom, its a start I know, but whatever source of healing I have tried I always end up with the feeling that the self is just using it as another means of escape from its suffering which enlightens noone.
I was particularly impacted by the reference in this course to the triggers are from conditioned response to past trauma and it was such a relief to hear those words because it was a hell yes moment. You went on to say we need to parent and heal this traumatised child which sounds right. My question is who is doing the parenting or healing, if there is no healer or parenter why isn't healing or parenting just happening following that insight.
The circles are great! So much amazing insights. I do not want to feel abandoned so I go into relationships (just to have one with whoever shows a bit of interest in me) which make me even feel more abandoned (because it is more important to be in a relationship for me to feel secure than to really feel close and connected to that man). And at the same time while being in that relationship I neglect my long time friends because it is all about the boyfriend suddenly which makes me feel abandoned now by them. And I abandon myself because I do everything the boyfriend wants. It is really mind-blowing!
You refer toparentimng the child. For years, I have used inner child healing in hypnotherapy with my clients. I also use parts therapy to facilitate understanding, acceptance and integration of problem behaviours (parts) into the whole, Havening to offer comfort and reassure as difficult or traumatic situations are considered, EMDR to release unprocessed trauma, EFT and matrix reimprinting and mindfulness to turn towards the sensations and thoughts that create difficulty from a place of observation. Are these all legitimate healing methods and how does their emphasis change if used in a non-dual context? I can see without guidance how easy it would be to revert to the old conditioned appearance of a separate me being healed within a world of separate others and a separate world just because of the normal context within which all these healing techniques are traditionally employed. Any further light you can shed here would be so helpful, Clare. Thank you so much
I see there is no chooser and obviously accountability is vital. There’s still a gap between them – who is being accountable, how can I be more accountable if I can’t even choose to be, etc. I would appreciate you saying more about how the no chooser and accountability sit together and any examples from your experience.
I was listening to your podcast about subliminal (a listener wanting a refund because it seems not working). You said that it is always working but it might be that the topic is already obvious and therefore it seems not to work or it is too challenging for the system. I get that but my brain is now wondering, if a subliminal is working which is so subtle and I do not even know what is spoken, what about the music I listen to all day (the cheasy pop songs) at home while working. Do they also influence my system? There are not something I choose but the usual pop songs the radio is playing, so they are all about not having love, loosing love, wanting love, longing for somebody one cannot have anymore, etc. What are your thoughts about that? Is it because the subliminals are unconscious that they go deep and the pop songs don’t? Or do they, and that is why I am always in that longing?
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You talked yesterday (and often) about ‘bodywork’ as a way to allow the body to truly feel feelings. What is bodywork? Can you give us some examples and why you recommend?
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I hear you talk about the absolute, the relative and the illusory. Can you remind me what these terms mean? I have it in my head that the absolute is the infinite/mind. The illusory is our constantly changing experience of form via the medium of thought. But then there this in-betweeny thing of the relative that is neither and the body, I’ve heard you say, sits in that category, and the body you talk of as ‘real’. I’m not sure why the body doesn’t also fall under the category of the illusory and gets its own category as it is also form. Confused…
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My fiancée broke up with me last month because he felt he was too young to settle down. I was and still am devastated. I think of him all the time and would do anything to get back with him. At the same time I hate him for what he has done to me.
He is very clear that we won’t get back together but he wants us to be friends. He says if I really loved him I would still want to see and speak and spend time with him. I can’t imagine just being friends with him and especially not being out in a bar with him when he is with someone else say. I wanted him to be my husband. Should I be friends with him? Or should I cut him out of my life?
Do you listen to subliminal's yourself and are they with your voice?
Do you think that if someone we did not know and trust as we do you made a subliminal with the exact wording you used It would have the same effect or would your familiar loving voice make a difference to how the subliminal is received?
Just listened to the recording from the Life Circles course on Shame.
I see it so clearly in myself and many of the clients I work with and my question is: is it possible that instead of hiding out one puts on the mask of success, becomes very public around the shame issue?
For example: (and I may as well be transparent here 😉) my shame says that I am ugly ( to use one of your examples), but instead of hiding out in that shame and going into hiding, playing small, minimizing, I do everything I can to never allow anyone to know that – become a personal trainer/workout coach, run a Wellness Center where nutrition, mindfulness, fasting programs are taught, learn tips and tricks for aging around skin care, style, etc.
Underneath all of that though I see a belief that I am ugly, fat, do not have an attractive body/appearance.
Thanks for your time and for your dedication to this Work – it is setting us Free.
Today I watched day 22 life cycle video. I love all the courses you do, but ‘life circles’ has been excellent … thank you 🙏
I know I have heard you talk about shame before several times, but today I REALLY HEARD it.
As I listened to you, It felt like I was suddenly being pounded by golf ball sized hail stones! Followed by feeling of heaviness deep within my belly.
I have experienced much dissolution of some heavy stuff since we worked together on Reset last year. Recently though there has been an increasing intensity of ‘nudgings’ so obvious that there’s still more to be seen.
Could it be that the encrusted,deeper layers are actually revealing a lifetime of a spider’s web of shame, that hasn’t been available to be even noticed by an unstable fragile system. Almost like the genius of the mind-body system was in protection mode until it was really ready?
Its like there has been exhumation of some sort today! It feels uncomfortable but comfortable in a strange way.
Does this make any sort of sense ?
For this system here it makes sense that there is no doer, it’s not that I‘m aware of it all the time but when I remember it’s obvious. Source accountability is not understandable, what is accountable and what has this body mind system to do with that?
A fellow participant in the Circles course posted an exploration and noted this statement: "If the system believed that the Awareness that I AM is prior to the ideas of threat and safety, then ALL experience would be welcome."
This sounds like passivity, as though if someone were to physically attack us we would welcome the attack experience, rather than the body moving out of danger or fighting back. Can you speak more if this is a paradox that "resistance" doesn't mean defending the body from harm?
thank you!
I’ve just listened to this podcast (18 January) three times.
What arose was…
Does this mean that doing, words and action are much the same as thoughts in that they simply emerge?
Non-duality goes on about how our unreal ego suffers in its experience of life. Yes, it does...but not always. There is so much of my life (AND my ego, I blush to say) that I love, even when it's felt as separation: often precisely BECAUSE of separation (hugging myself with glee for being me!!) - although obviously at other times being me is experienced as the bottom-most pit of hell, fair dos. So how does non-duality see those of our positive experiences of apparent separation that we can't help but cling to and love? I think I hear you saying that's just me trying to secure my identity, and involvement of my ego means I'm not loving or seeing these things "clean". But even if I am but looking through a glass darkly, it's a wonderful picture I'm seeing a lot of the time, which somehow feels all the more wonderful because I'M in it.
My 97 year old mother, who has dementia maybe said it best when she suddenly piped up the other week "nobody wants to die, do they, because God made the world so pretty". Yes, it's that feeling that often it's so brilliant surfing the wave of the illusory world, you just don't want to sink back into the ocean, no matter how much more real it is, thank you very much.
Happy New Year! I'm so delighted to be in your membership again for another year. You truly transformed my experience of life last year for which I'm most grateful.
There appears to be immense confusion again here so I'm hoping you can address it in a podcast.
I'm loving the life circles course so far and I have identified quite a few of these! No surprise!
One that is particularly confusing for me is around my husband.
After a call with my coach last week I realised that I have a huge fear of separation from my husband; of repeating the loss that happened to me as a child when my father left. You might think therefore that with this programme I'd do everything in my power to make sure he loved me or I would be controlling of what he does and where he goes. However what I notice is almost the opposite. I get annoyed with him being so lovely to me (?!?), find him 'too needy' and have regular thoughts of whether I'm with the 'right man' - despite loving being with him. All of this creates an internal separation - it's as if there is a subconscious programme to keep him at bay.
I know from working with you to sit with the feelings and not try to escape them but nothing seems to shift. Perhaps that's because I'm so desperate to see something here!?
I'd love to hear you talk to this...
Thank you so much for your incredible work.
As metaphor I see the absolute (life, intelligence) as water flowing in a river. Condition learning as dams created on this river which slows down or even stops the flow of the water. But the nature of water is flowing and new fresh water is coming to the river all the time and staying at the dam's mouth not bypassing it can cause the dam to collapse bringing the river ecosystems back to balance.
What's the new seeing/insight made of? Isn't also a thought made from new fresh flow of life intelligence?
I've scribbled pages so far, I'm not done, this is what I have, still a bit fuzzy, help me out or pull me back from the brink. .... and thanks Clare. All my problems have the same base; not good enough, not smart enough, lacking in some way or another. All are formless - ideas and thoughts floating around in my head. My bio-computer brain believes the story it's telling itself and looks out into this world of form to see what others do to be happy. I give it a go. Alcohol, drugs, sex, becoming successful, acquiring the right material goods, getting my body into the best shape, being unique, having an interesting story .... eventually it all fails. I give up and just look forward to having enough money, health and maybe companionship until I depart this miserable world. (fuzzy part) No matter how many times I throw myself down the stairs I’m always pulled upright and given a do-over. In all spiritual studies I have been led to there is talk of separation of who we really are and what we believe we are. I’ve come to some awareness of this. I realize the self I call ‘david’ is a story, created around experiences, influenced by others, given meaning, value, and believed to be real & true. (very fuzzy part) Through these exercises I’m seeing practical solutions to my problems in the world of form. But how do I convince myself I’m just a story, I’m just awareness showing up in this body-form, there really isn’t any separation only a misunderstanding I forgot to laugh at.
Since 2 years I came across the principes and since then I have read dozens of books and listened to so many podcasts. I dit different courses and nothing seems to bring me insights that change things for me. At the same time, I feel distracted while reading/listening and that brings comfort. But as soon as I close the book, I’m in my thinking again. And I find it hard that I’m not present to being in life with my family, and closing myself off trying to find relief in reading/listening. Reading about non-duality scares me. The idea that you can’t choose what you think and you have no control whatsoever frightens me, because why can’t I feel love, peacefulness and joy if that’s my nature? Why all these negative thoughts?
I’m very aware of the ticker tape of negative thinking playing in my mind. I thought I’d share, because I feel stuck.
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I I’ll never feel good again.
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Nothings is wrong in my life, what if something happens with my husband/parents. I won’t be able to cope.
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What will I do when I’m free tomorrow.
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I wake up early and I don’t feel like eating, I’m in my flight or flight response, I can’t think myself out of it, but I can’t stop these thoughts.
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Is it hormonal? Should I try hormonal patches?
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Do I have to get a diagnosis for ADD? Would ADD meds help? (My son was diagnosed last year and I have always recognized myself in the symptoms).
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I spend my days reading/listening about the principles in the hope I will see something different, but I don’t have a sense of a deeper feeling or awareness. I know I should have other interests, but I can’t stay away from it.
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If I don’t feel better, how can I ever get a different job with more responsibilities.
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What if it gets worse and I cannot cope?
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I wish I had more friends.
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All this taking in information may be the reason my head feels fussy, but what can I do to fill my days? I feel bored at work and at home, how can I find my joy?
etc.
It’s exhausting and I don’t know how to relate differently to all that thinking.
I’ve started the Circles course and my anxiety is revving up, because you say so clearly that there’s no hope to ever feel better if you can’t see past the illusion of a separate self. But in all the reading I did, I can’t see it. I wonder if this is the right course or what else I can do. Any advice is appreciated.
I have so many people, family, friends, clients suddenly showing up projecting abandonment on to someone or something.
I know this is "my" stuff.
I'm doing the Ho Ho as they appear.
And
I've been wanting to ask you for ages now and it seems the right time.
How much work do I do for clients/ children "others"
is Ho Ho enough?
What is enough or When is it "done" ?
I sort of feel that this is a silly question but can you say something to this please?
I just got off our first zoom call of the program and it prompted a question. You suggested going into the areas that seem most risky to the self. I do this all the time. It results in continued panic and panic attacks. I feel like I'm being re-traumatized over and over and it's been going on for years. My brain seems chrystialized in this pattern. Is it possible for something new to be seen and have this fall away? Or maybe it will happen and that's no big deal. I feel like going into the risky area of my life is not even a choice, it's as if I have a gun to my head. I don't even know where to begin to try to heal this through the body. Resisting is happening and I can't control that.
Thanks Clare, I loved seeing your beautiful face today and listening to your words.
I HAVE had one thing that so far has NOT made sense to me. Perhaps you want to share in a podcast about it, or share in another way.
It sounds to me like you say that NO healing happens until we stay with something, NO healing happens if we distract.
That’s not been my experience, though it is clearly my experience that much healing has not happened for that reason.
But I don’t see it 100%.
I spent an entire winter watching marvel movies and experienced tremendous healing. It was the best thing I could have done (in the absence of Clare!)
I have had profound shifts just in the joy of living, in dance, in walks in the woods, in distraction, full presence with a client, or with a bite of delicious food!
And my understanding of the brain is that healing and shifts in one area extends to other areas that aren’t being used, and that the resistance of habitual neural pathways starts to return when left alone.
I read an amazing book, somewhat separate look at it, at how people who can’t hear, come to actually hear through touch, etc. The system is brilliant and has work-arounds that infiltrate the lapses.
Which is not to negate at all that’s happening here. This has been earth shattering in its truth for me.
But the idea that something can’t heal without direct attention…
To me, the only reasons this perhaps subtle discrepancy seems relevant, is
1) because the silence of the mind, the peace that Syd pointed to (from whatever crutch we may use - a walk in the woods etc) has been tremendously healing for me, and
2) because 100% dependence on our attention flies in the face of my reverence for the miraculous unfolding of life.
Perhaps this is semantics. But it has been popping up for me!
That said, it has been 100% clear to me that running away from experience has also been happening, and I feel graced beyond measure that that is happening less and less thanks to what you are sharing with us!
"Stress is a feeling, and like all feelings, it comes only and always from our innocent misuse of the gift of Thought."
I just read this from a 3P teacher.
A couple of years ago I'd have said 100% yes.
But interestingly it really jarred when I read it. Over simplification, spiritual bypass came to mind.
I often wonder if my 'problem' is the feeling like i'm broken and need fixing and all the solutions i have in seeking to 'fix' that e.g even being here and doing these courses ... do they actually somehow feed my problem.
Hi from India ...so happy to find ur game book in Kindle n then later found this blog. I was in the path of wisdom and devotion for few years...I go Tiruvannamalai every week as I live close by in a place called pondicherry...u made it very clear and simple ...it just resonated only from ur words even though u read loads of scriptures....there is no personal self ,u made it clear ...the moment it got cleared there is no more question if apparent reality or forms and it's mechanisms...
But still m just curious ...this is my fav question ..what's your opinion on apparent forms ...is it more like a virtual reality. How this universal self becomes personal self ...and what is these bodies or images on the screen ...how it came. ...
if there is a lingering question it is related to this sentence;
"Or, as I suspect, that as our understanding changes, so do the questions and the requests they are showing up with? Because they are ARE us. And simple giving and receiving happens.”
How is it possible for the questions and requests to change from one day to another simply as our understanding changes?
Say a therapist….. just because their understanding shifts, there will still be clients to be seen who had made their appointments prior to the shift in understanding (of the therapist) Same client, same concern, what is different as a result of a shift in understanding?
Is it that the way the concern is heard/addressed by the therapist that changes due to the shift in understanding?
If so, fantastic, I get it.
If not, I have no idea what you are talking about, and please help!
if you’re into the 3p, you hard towards ease and flow, we do what our superpower makes us uniquely brilliant at, the easiest way to earn a living. If you’re into Clare, we navigate towards the areas of greatest difficulty and suffering. The hardest way to earn our living, but serves up the only way to know ourselves more deeply….which way to go?
Assuming chooser and choices which in theory there are none but doesnt yet look like truth to me yet.
And any area of our lives. It’s like you draw that coaching wheel of life and say ‘how can I get these areas closer to a one…?’
I wonder if you could talk a little about how your experience with NLP and hypnosis informs your work and the way you communicate with clients?
Am I asking if I'm being hypnotised? Yes 😊
You have full permission to do so of course (as per your podcast yesterday which I loved)
Sometimes I listen to/watch your patterns of speech/gestures and I wonder if there are techniques that come from your background in these areas?
I'm not a coach so I know nothing about these things. I'd imagine it's a huge question and you'll be utilising a vast array of skills but I wonder if it's possible to provide a bit of insight on these areas in particular?
Perhaps you're just speaking really clearly from truth. What you say resonates and impacts behaviour simply because its true and its known on some level so it makes sense to the system to respond.
Perhaps there's no difference between the two things I've just said. The longer I type the less sense the question makes. This is happening to me a LOT right now!
Tia and I were joking the other day about paying you to brainwash us, which we kind of are!
My brain needs a good wash anyway.... it's filthy and I can hardly see through it at times 😊
If you want to see Lottie 'the colleague' I'm referring to - she is here!
https://www.dropbox.com/s/1w0h9nt3grg41do/Happy%20New%20Year.mp4?dl=0
I have really been struggling with my mh for the past yr.
I think looking back it started with the pandemic, I had Covid & was quite unwell, from then on I experienced a large accumulation of very sad losses , several deaths , relationship breakup , empty nest son leaving for uni , Menapause,it all took a hold.
Unfortunately my job came to an end, as I was unable to present for work. I am now in receipt of UC , so on limited income.
My overall well-being is not good , personal care is limited as I have no motivation, I feel no purpose or place any more .
Please can you help me, I am in such a dark pit, begging for help Please .
I spent Christmas on my own because I have broken up with my partner am estranged from my family. I don’t have anywhere to go for New Year either. I do have some friends but they live on the other side of the country and I’m too embarrassed to ask them . I am just so lonely. So fed up of being on my own. It is a deep pain to me to see groups of people laughing together and having fun. How can I create close relationships and stop this feeling of being on my own all the time.
Have listened twice. Will need to listen a few more times I think...but a follow up question:
So if we are showing up with our clients who are asking us to create a six-figure business strategy with them so that they can prove to their parents that they can or so that THEN they can relax, or showing up to our kids who are asking us for more social media time so that they can show off how many snaps or toks they have (or whatever the cool kids do) - do we somehow need to first educate them about this separate secure-seeking self-thing so they are not asking for such ego-securing things from us?
Here, however, I guess, we might notice there IS either a) obvious suffering in this interaction, or b) the sneaky "sigh, if only they were as enlightened as me" and then the natural suffering brought on by trying to 'educate' them LOLs. So this suffering indicates this is still a 'dirty one' and so brilliant - a chance to explore more deeply.
Or, as I suspect, that as our understanding changes, so do the questions and the requests they are showing up with? Because they are ARE us. And simple giving and receiving happens.
How cool if THAT is your answer:)
Because then we get to show up with clients/kids and EVERY interaction is a gift so there really is nothing to lose through full engagement with it ALL.
This conversation makes total sense but my question is what do we do about the world of form?
What place is there for business planning? Or holidays? Or running courses?
If there is no doer and no decider and everything that is thought is not fixed, constant or based on objective truth (agree) - then are we all left with nothing to do except share non-duality teachings with each other? What about planning how to build an aeroplane? Or deciding what to do about the war in Ukraine? If we're only ever in relationship with ourselves then....
But then, am I correct in thinking, where there is suffering and resistance around creating a business plan, dealing with our children or dealing with the war in Ukraine, there is nothing to be done here except first self-enquiry. To engage with the 'problems' in order to see truth more deeply. And then, hopefully, once seen, the business plan creation or the war in ukraine either no longer appears to be happening or required or there's just simple information
I'm feeling like I'm "not allowed' to run business coaching days or programs to support parents with teens until I pass some kind of enlightenment test. And that when I pass the test, that work won't be required.
But I don't WANT to be a non-duality teacher and that be the only thing that can be taught as it is the only truthful thing to teach LOLs.
I recently saw a quote from you along the lines of 'Everything that is not here and now is imagination, categorically'. This is something I've been very very keen to impart to my followers. Can you say something more about this?
One of the things I admire most about you, Clare, is your utter uncompromising integrity. You tell it how it is no matter what, even if it's not what I want to hear. ESPECIALLY when it's not what I want to hear. How does this truth, this honesty look and feel for your, and why do you think this is SO important.
It looks to me like we are using the same word “I” for 2 different experiences;
There seems to be the Big I who is not identified in as the doer/controller and takes into account both the conscious and sub-conscious mind and then there is the little i that is totally identified in as the separate self. Am I seeing this correctly?
If so, would it not be so much easier to use different words for the entire “I” (I) and the smaller conscious part of “I” (i)? It seems that every time I use the word “!” To describe my identified self (i) I re-enforce the misconception about who I really am.
When I try to imagine how this would work in practice, I think it will be helpful for me to simply ask myself when I use the word (I?i) which one I mean.
And now I recall another thing I would love to hear you speak about again, and that is "separation". What is it, when you use this word what do you really mean? What is not separated from what. I think I know mostly but I remember months ago when you spoke about it I saw something new (but I do not quite remember). And I love that you all the time find new ways of explaining things.
I’m finishing up the year the way I began it by going through the HOME course. It’s so nice of you to have updated the course with words that now make it so very much more relatable. (Joke)
I’m amazed at how much more depth of resonance there is with this course and with the subliminals. I’m deeply grateful.
A question comes to mind. It’s hard to express but I guess the essence of it is, does consciousness in form need an “I” to experience life in form? Is that why it bubbles up?
I know there are people who write or speak about having had a major shift and declare the “I” totally gone or perhaps have a pervasive awareness of the illusory nature of the “I.”
It seems to me for each being in form there is a body/mind system running the daily activities of, if you will, the tube. I get that consciousness or whatever perceives all, creates all, is all.
Yet, it seems curious to me that beings in form as part of their design develop personalities which include an I. This uniqueness gives rise to unique expression, unique creativity, reactivity, etc.
If it’s part of the design of us all, it must be some aspect of truth. Does consciousness in form “need” this to experience duality/form? And yet there’s a pull back to consciousness without it.
This both/and-not have my poor brain in a spin. My heart is fine with it all.
Would you share how you see this?
Hi dear Clare!
I would love that you speak something about the balance between two things; to see the thing in myself that I see in another ("see the narcissist in me" from your recent podcast) and the thing that we are also influenced by others.
I really like that you speak about seeing the same things in ourselves. For me there is a healthy humility that comes from this. But also at the same time see that we are influenced by one another and not bypass our own feelings and accept things from others that are not ok.
So I guess I look for some kind of healthy understanding and balance of two important things at the same time😄.
You have spoken of this before, I guess I just wanted repetition.
In a call with someone else, I don't remember who, you said 'it's bliss if it's just about the other', which I thought you can say about anything, like just about the form, just about the thing. Can you say more about that, maybe in a podcast
The Complete Book of Awakening. Interview with authors Helen Amery and Sara Priestley.
https://thoughtfulraven.co.uk
Helen Amery
I guide others in their awakening and enlightenment. After my own journey through corporate HR, then psychology-based coaching, I realised there was something more fundamental going on. It opened the door to something I never thought I'd have in my life - a spiritual understanding. It led me to the recognition of who I really am - who we all really are - awakening. And to how we can experience life in a much easier, more light-hearted way - enlightenment. My passion now is to bring that to more people with a practical, 'normal' person approach.
Sara Priestley
Sara had a career in corporate IT before leaving to become a massage therapist and then Pilates teacher. These reinforced for her the inward path of knowing who we are for ourselves, which led her to The Three Principles and then into nonduality. She now hangs out with her little cat colony, drinks a lot of coffee, helps clients solve life problems, supports people who have been hurt by cult-like groups, hosts her local poetry society’s online gatherings, reads, writes, teaches nonduality, serves on the board of the Association for Spiritual Integrity, explores emerging voices in this field, and plays with this expanded understanding of who we are and how it shows up.
Maybe you've already spoken to my question: thoughts are not reality, humans use thoughts to make up concepts, so to speak. Then howcome bypassing is a "thing" to take seriously? Isn't it just another concept? And bypassing / not bypassing becomes irrelevant as there is no bypassing or anything to bypass regardless?
Somewhere in between since i got to your teaching I got very angry thinking: Why it's always
has to be on us to do the work. To explore out inside and what's true and to sit with discomfort.
And others can walk around without any responsibility/acccountablity doing crazy things and being dick heads.
How do we know when this work is done, that we enquiry something as much as we could....and then the jobs are left, relationships are ending, unspoken words get voiced...etc.
Also at the same time not falling for a trap that's prolonging our circumstances in a way: I'm learning this reality thing so I should get my shit together.
You always openly shared with us your divorce story. How did you know it was time to leave?
I've been noticing how challenging it is for the attention to stay with sensations. I revisited your Change course from last year (see attached diagram) where you indicated that physical sensations are intolerable as they confirm the story of self.
In the experience over here it feels more like resistance confirms the story, not the feeling of the sensations. The sensations are transitory and reveal flow and change as constants. Not feeling them seems to hold the idea of separation in place. Maybe this is what you meant and I'm interpreting this upside down or something.
It seems the longer I am working with you the less I can make meaning of what you and other reset people are saying. I see your mouths moving and I know you are speaking English but I cannot understand. is that normal?
Clare, the WANT course was absolutely wonderful. I don’t know how you manage to record in advance a video that addresses a question or concern of mine each morning that I listen. Just wonderful! Totally mind-blowing!
Throughout this year taking your courses so much has become clear. The suffering, the new information, and the logic of it all has resulted in major shifts.
I came to your work to learn more about nonduality. But really with the ulterior motive of fixing/curing/solving a lifelong muddle of body/food/weight. What has shifted deeply is the knowing and respecting the logic and wisdom of the body. Shame and guilt and layers upon layers of innocent misperceptions and concepts have collapsed. Compassion and love flows through.
But what I want to ask about is a bit that remains. While there is contentment in the moment as is, just as it all is, a part still wants to wear a smaller size jeans.
In searching within and journaling and sitting with it, this want remains. It feels like this want is not to secure or stabilize or compensate for some wound. Or if so just the tiniest bit.
Throughout this course we’ve talked about clean and dirty wants. I’m wondering for beings in form if these distinctions as metaphors describe opposite ends of a continuum? Can a want be clean-ish?
It’s all just conceptual labels, but I’m curious if wants that come bubbling up like this from the body/mind system steeped in the culture, if a seemingly frivolous want (a judgement from the same body/mind that produced it) like this could be clean or clean-ish?
Thank you so much for a transformative year!
My brother contacted me today. We've not spoken in years. When you asked if there were any things unresolved from our past, this is it. This, and my relationship with my Mam. All tied up in a lot of pain from the past. His messages really hit me. Aside from all the specifics of the stories involved in this, what I noticed was an immediate need to reach out. To a friend I have sought closeness with these past few years, to the group, to you. I wondered what can be seen in this. In some ways it seems a natural response. Connection. That's good for the system... a no brainer? At the same time, there seems a running away in it. Making it into something I can use to connect me to others. Get that strangely vibrant feeling that you feel when relationships deepen over shared pain. I'm not questioning whether I did the right thing or not. I know it's all exactly as it should be but it's clearly an opportunity for healing and so I'd like to be as open as I can be to whatever can be learned
What really confuses me is I feel like I am owning all of these “feelings” I have every day, every waking hour of my life. How do we let go, come home, and be home?
I wake up, my MIND immediately goes to my teeth, (When I lost everything ($$) with the cancers, I had to stop going to the dentist and now I am embarrassed because every piece of food must be cut up, several teeth are missing, and I haven’t felt comfortable to smile for several years now. I feel horrible about myself. My dad used to tell me my smile lit up my face. I feel really stupid telling you this.
I can give you many other direct feelings and if I cut to the chase, I am miserable. I feel like I have never really been myself and am always trying to “let go”. I have no other explanation for why I feel this way day after day after day and haven’t been able to shake it off.
I have mentioned my boys. They are 14 and I want to be a better example for them. Nothing in my relationship has been anywhere close to being full of love. I can give you a long explanation and it would make sense, BUT it still doesn’t change the fact that I feel like a loser in their eyes. I am sure they can sense my unrest and negativity. I do.
No more excuses, reasons, and examples. Why won’t my GOD help me? How do I get home? What am I missing? I know there is no “I” intellectually, and yet I so desperately want to “let go”, “be”, just feel good. Like I am making a difference. I am so sick of being miserable. I hate it. I want off the ledge and I have no idea how to just be, let go. Is life supposed to be this way?
Amy Johnson asked me if everything was fixed, my home was paid for, my teeth were fixed, I have “LOVE”, I am loving my daily existence (Work, since I still have to. I’m feeling trapped with no one to take care of me if I fall.), my boys and I were closer, would it make a difference, and would I be happy? I’m not sure. Maybe GOD put me on this earth to be miserable. To suffer!
I am so tired, Clare. I try to let go, and I am still miserable.
This thought came to mind today Clare, please will you create one of your beautiful podcasts around it…
Find the narcissist in you. 💭
I wonder if I could ask a question about triggers, and if I trigger is always a trigger. What I mean by that is when you feel unheard by someone else, or not free to say how you feel, is that always your wounding that is being triggered? How do we know when it is our wounding or them overstepping our boundaries and doing/saying things that are not ok?
How do we know the difference and how do we know how to navigate a situation like that?
I realise I am asking a lot of how’s, and I feel like the response will be that actions will be taken one way or the other, and I agree with that to some extent, but I also feel like sometimes that can be a way of avoiding doing what needs to be done or facing what needs to be faced.
Thoughts?
What about the things we want and don't want at the same time for example a dear friend of mine has said they are in love with me. They want a romantic relationship with me. I don't want that but I don't want to lose them as a friend. How do we navigate that?
I’ve read your book, ‘It’s Not You…It’s Not Me’ and found that incredibly illuminating and comforting, so thank you 🙏🏽🙂
Your YouTube video on ‘Readiness’ also just appeared on my feed as I was struck by how you describe sitting with uncomfortable feelings such as loss for example. I believe I understand about not numbing. I have spent quite a number of hours on several occasions over the last 6 weeks intuitively‘sitting with the uncomfortable feelings’ arising from ending a relationship. It’s not easy and whilst I know there is no time limit on ‘grieving’ I do struggle to be with this stuff. I suppose I’m wanting to clarify if I’m understanding what you’re pointing to - is it possible for you to expand on this please?
Im still a little unclear on something. I have somehow come to conclusion that there is unexpressed emotion in the system. Other therapies call it shadow work..those feelings that werent ok to feel during childhood such as anger and sadness. This unwillingness to feel (albeit unconcsious) can later lead to anxiety and suffering as we struggle to keep the lid on those unacceptable emotions in our adult life. Isnt that the resistence you so often talk about? Am I making this up?! So when I asked about childbirth anxiety , I wondered if its just the feeling of anxiety / feelings that the system is trying to feel and express, that then gets hooked onto birth ..the mind always needs a reason after all!
As my first year of being a part of your membership is coming to an end, I would like to say a
huge THANK YOU for everything you shared with us. Pointing us to the direction of inquiry of who we truly are.
This journey wasn't pleasant at all, but it worked and generated new patterns and behaviours of which I never even dare to dream about. Now I'm facing things in my life which I avoided for decades.
Observing ''identified self'' it seems that things that most piss us off, press our buttons, irritate us are indicators/directions where to look and uncover what's really beneath that?
Could you say some words about this, please?
[Note from Clare: the description of 'Clare's way' in the question is not what I am suggesting in anyway]
Isn't suffering simply thought - a temporary blip of energy passing through experience, in this moment upset-flavoured. And then that energy being felt in the senses (ie body). How can you HEAL a blip of energy? It seems you have the choice of
-
Clare's Way - sit and really let it be here as much as possible to allow for healing and use that same thinking to find a story to explain the suffering - usually based in the past. Say that equals 3 hours of upset a day due to dwelling on the low mood/feeling of rejection etc or
-
Three Principles - know from the feeling that you're in a low state of mind so everything you're thinking right now is complete bullshit and ignore yourself for a bit. Not spiritual bypassing - there simply isn't anything 'real' here to bypass. Probably equals 1 hour of suffering a day due to no story-telling/dwelling.
You often say 'but the suffering continues so we have no choice but to look at it' but it's going to either way so WHY YOURS?
I am a nurse in an intensive care unit in a big hospital. Several colleagues have been signed off work with stress. There are not enough of us on the ward but recruitment isn’t happening. The pressure is immense. I am so tired. I am starting to make silly errors that I would not normally ever make. I am worried I will cause harm. I am getting more and more frustrated and resentful about being put in this position. How can a conversation about reality help this? Please don’t tell me this is just my thinking.
Clare Dimond this is amazing. Thanks so much for putting it into words so clearly. Im thinking of my clients who have huge anxiety about childbirth. They arent pregnant even but so fearful. Are you saying that this fear and anxiety is something thats in their system from childhood wounds and theyve just hooked it onto birth? Like it could have been anyhing? Its just a portal to feel and sit with anxiety that needs to be felt?
Some of my followers find these sorts of teachings leave them feeling a bit hopeless, with a sense of 'what's the point'. Some think all this 'looking for the self' business isn't important or helpful or just isn't for them. What might you say to people who can't see the point in this sort of teaching/understanding?
For years, I've been looking at thought and limiting beliefs as a way to work through the feelings and behaviors that they create, to have a better experience in life. Now, working with you, I'm told to turn into the body and experience the physical sensations, to go beneath the labels and experience what's there. I can also be aware of the thinking, witnessing it but to stay with the body.
I've also remained present with the behaviors and the conditioned thinking, witnessing what is actually happening rather than the projected reality onto another person making them the bad guy. I've found that incredibly enlightening to see that the experience isn't happening in the external world but is a projection of all the mental chatter and the attendant behavior.
My question is do both approaches dissolve conditioning? I ask because for me, it seems that seeing the thinking and behaviors has far more impact, at least at this point. And yes, I am aware that going into the body or witnessing the thoughts and behaviors is done from a curious place rather than trying to get rid of it.
In the last episode of WANT (day 19) you spoke of money not having any meaning, just a means to buy what you need. And it was a lightbulb of revelation to me.
I do not have an issue with money but with wanting a relationship (as you know ;-)) But the same is true for a relationship! If a relationship would not mean all that stuff I put into it (security, belonging, being lovable, being normal and so on)… what would it mean? it would mean a (male in my case) person I like spending most of my time with and love to be close physically - and it would develop into that organically over time. If there is no such person in my life - no big issue and no worries.
You cannot imagine how big that insight was for me - I love WANT. And I am so grateful for your work and your generosity in sharing it!
Also, unfortunately, I'm someone for whom the subliminals don't seem to have any effect, so it seems like something has to be revealed in a different way.
Any thoughts on this would be so appreciated.
I've been listening to your recent recordings on the "Want"course. You speak about parenting that comes from the true nature of ourselves, to understand, or release our patterns, conditioning etc which you say are held in the subconscious. It seems fundamental then, that one comes into who they really are to be able to do this. If one hasn't, then what? I'm guessing the answer would be to start with seeing who we are before we can progress?
I am wondering if my current experience is ‘normal’
I have been diligently moving into and towards all discomfort as you encourage us to do.
I have found many things changing easily or just simply dropping away as well as some ‘sticky’ areas that I know I have more to learn from.
I am also noticing that as I have less self created drama and trauma in my life, I seem to be floating in a space of what feels like ‘no mans land’ just a rather vague sense of purposeless as so many of the things that I am used to expending my energy on no longer have such a grip on me.
I am hoping this space is going to open up and allow other possibilities, but wanted to check to see I am not off track here.
What if the behaviour of another that is impacting us is one we want to say 'this needs to stop' but we can't ask it because it's impossible for them to stop no matter how clear the ask (eg addiction)
Hi Clare, hope it's OK to message you here. I have a problem I'd like you to discuss on your podcast if that's appropriate. It's about my 13 year old son who's " friends" have over a number of weeks , dropped him. They don't reply to his messages and don't invite him to join them any more . I have many scenarios in my head for why this has happened and I realise none of them are real..pure fabrication. I suppose my question is, how can I help my son deal with this rejection, my heart is breaking for him . Thanks x
I definitely navigate through my feelings (I am a Myers Briggs Feeler rather than a thinker) and I can definitely see how this deep identification with whatever emotional response arises sustains and perpetuates the existence of “me” and keeps me unconsciously plunging back into full identification with the content of experience and attempts to secure “myself” within it. How can such a strong conditioned identification (it feels so dense and multi-layered) with the world and the strong emotional sensitivity towards what is perceived within it ever shift for any longer than fleeting moments of awakening ?
So grateful for any further clarity in this area.
I wondered if you could please speak more around how we might recognise when our knowing is derived from a need to secure a separate self (impossible) and the knowing that is absolutely without question in support of thriving as life itself. I sense that really being able to recognise the difference between these two types of knowing as they arise on a daily basis is helpful to bring into the light.
It can be terrifying to listen to a subliminal if the body reacts extremely heavy. I was ‘lucky’ to recognize these reactions – because they are part of my life already for several years. It was the first time, straight from the beginning of this subliminal (not during the subliminals of THEM and GOLD). This heavy reaction IS the proof for me because thís subliminal hit me right in the core of the defence- and beliefsystem.
It is what I need to regain faith in what I feel. With faith and trusting the body, all these anxious stressfeelings begin to feel no longer like a real danger for me. My high build up defencesystem can more and more calm down and so reveil more and more of who I really am – ‘An all tollerent loving peace- Home’. I can feel somethimes this beautiful peace in an acceptance moment of a stressfeeling.(can be grief, fear, distrust, lonelyness, resistance, anger..)
It helps me(babysteps by babysteps) to trust to embrace everything I feel, and stay with ‘me’ instead of running away, as I did all my life. I don,t judge this running anymore because it is my believed only way ‘out’. I begin to see that a way ‘out’ does not exist . It is all-in. THAT was the neverending fight of which I can see more and more the uselessnnes. It exhausts me and causes physical problems I told you about. On the 2nd day I listen to the subliminal, my body was much calmer. I’m curious to see what the next period will bring.
So all these words mean: I just say YES to the subliminal that helps me to trust the many reactions in the body and reveil who I really am. The body knows what it is doing . The emotions just want to feel alife. And therefore, I will feel alive again – at last 😊
We've been talking about boundaries and inner yes and no in a previous podcast and I've been wondering about that in relation to friendship and connection with people who we want a romantic relationship with but when that is seemingly not possible. The tension between wanting the person in our life still but not being able to have them in our life in the way that we would really desire. What do we do with that? What does an exploration of reality and 'no other' have to say?
Lifting consciousness is profoundly important - yet today very possibly far too slow and too late to stop this crazy juggernaut of distress, greed, bellicose tribes, fast negative judgement, bad thinking, closed hearts and minds, unthinking innovation combined with wild, untamed capitalism combined with often powerless global institutions - from crashing and killing maybe all our children – so - such lifting of consciousness is just not enough, nor will it happen fast enough.
So, a question:
You are doing some of the best work I have seen – but you and others like you just don’t have the time or scale to stop the crash – so what else to do as well – fast enough, profoundly enough?
I cannot even express my gratitude to allow me to be part of this course and I am thrilled I reached out, that I was pointed into your direction.
I have seen so much from day one and today I understood every word you said, it resonated, because I have just been through a serious of very painful (the bodymind expressed it as stress and anguish) experiences in a relationship.
I did not turn away from it. By blaming the other (as we do) and at the same time being open and curious about it I was shown where I was coming from: my need to be wanted, my perceived lack, the excruciating pain that comes from not having this need met by the other (who claims he loves me with all his heart but needs to get on with his life dating other women due to us not being able to be together- we live on different continents).
More than that I was taken to my childhood to see where some of those believes originated and how I have been continually reinforcing those believes in all areas of my life, not just in relationships.
Regarding him.....I woke up one morning and I simply did not want him anymore in that way after seeing where it all came from. I am seeing him totally different now, able to communicate on a very different level to before.
I am at peace for him to do what he clearly has to do, get on with his life (I always understood this intellectually but inside me the lack and jealousy were tearing down bridges between us).
It also caused me to judge myself for being so silly.
So, I need to shout out a Huge Thank You. I am soooooooooooooo grateful to your course, for my insights engendered by it.
I do have a question.
I am now putting up boundaries between myself and the other. In his mind it would be totally ok for us to continue seeing each other when we have the opportunity. I don't want to do that.
Partly because I really do not feel the need anymore (wow), though what we had was very beautiful. But I suspect there is more behind it.
My question is? Why can I not just be open to that? Why does it make me feel used? Is this a reality or am I making this up?
Perhaps I should just be open to continue exploring this question?
I was interested in your work because it seems you are a kind of bridge between the 3 Principles and Non-duality worlds. I spent many years in the non-duality worlds, and have worked closely with a very kind hearted teacher and friend for the last 3 or so years. There were many profound and beautiful seeings and experiences, but somehow my work with him would always get me kind of stuck in very heavy mental structures. My sense is that the depth and profundity of his "transmission," if you will was so profound and loving and deep that is would stir up all my resistance at once,, cause the mind to spin out after really big openings or "popping throughs" So I my housemate brought me the 3 Principles around the beginning of the Pandemic, something eventually took with that, and it did help lighten things, and it did continue the work I was doing with the non-dual teacher. What I felt was lacking in the 3 Principles community was the embracing and empathy of the pain in the human experience. So in a way I found both paths lacking and excelling in separate areas.
Mostly I was able to kind of do both, but I ran into some issues with this too, and it's been a source of confusion and some temporary mental illness. It's like my thinking mind kind of split and got confused about what's true etc etc... and a lot of fear and confusion have come up.
I think where I'm at now is underneath it all I get to trust me, and if I oscillate between the two, then that is what I need to do for now. I think I do realize they are essentially pointing to the same place, with a slightly different approach. We are all so unique from one another, there must be a wide variety of ways to reach freer and freer understandings of being in the human condition. Anyways, I was hoping you could at least briefly comment on your understanding of the difference and similarities between the 3 Principles and Non-duality. I am curious if you consider yourself more in the non-duality world, or neither and what you got out of your time in the 3 Principles and what lead you onto your work you do now?
Thank you so much for your offerings, you are truly offering a positive service to humanity.
It feels to me as if i want something and then that 'want' shows up but after it shows up THEN i panic and want to get rid of it or tell myself its unwanted. Its as if i resist letting the 'wanted' thing in fully once it shows up. Whats going on with this ? .. we want something, the want arrives or is got and then the resistance shows up.
Does this reaction still mean that the original 'want' is unclean or is this reaction showing up due to some other dynamic. It seems different from the situation where resistance is preventing something wanted from being 'got' in the first place.
e.g's could be wanting money, then money turns up freely and then we freak out or we see something we want, we buy it and then freak out or (in my case) recently designing a wanted patio door, getting a quote, it being much more affordable then ever hoped but then i freak out and can't order it. It's almost as if the system fights against the 'upgrade' or the things that could make life 'nicer/easier' so wants to push it all away again once it arrives.
I just listened to your conversation with Caroline about freedom and presence. At one point you asked her „what money represents“… and I translated it inwardly for me to my issue :-)
„what having a man for me represents“…
The answers I got instantly were:
-
security
-
being worthy of love
-
being worthy in society
-
being lovable from a society point of view (look at me I made it)
-
being „normal“
-
belonging to my „tribe“
I know that it is conditioning and beliefs… that a man does not give me security (rather the contrary, the men in my life made me highly insecure), I know that I am lovable from my female friends,…
But I was thinking it would be great if you could talk a bit in WANT or in a podcast about wanting to belong, and not to be outstanding… I have the same issue with being happy, it feels dangerous to me because I do not belong anymore if I am too happy…
I very much love everything you say and I am so grateful for your presence in my life
One question that is arising for quite some time is...What the F*** happened to learning capacity
over time?As you're saying learning happened or happens automatically. There is no decider no chooser or doer.
And still it seems learning slows down through life comparing to this super turbo learning that happens in childhood years and when the system is a huge sponge absorbing lotz of different
information.
Is rise of idea of SELF slowing all this down turning it into rusty old machinery only producing
same old - same old reactions/behaviours?
On your recent podcast with Piers Thurston, I heard you say ’something that is manifested from within us and then held in place by our resistance to it.
I understand how we hold it in place by our resistance to whatever it is, but am not clear about the manifesting part.
Do you mean we create it due to our conditioning? Or is it something to do with the Law Of Attraction whereby we attract situations to us due to our way of being in the world? Or both?? Or something else altogether?
Thanking you in advance for any light you can shed on my confusion.
I'm in wondering mode.
I've long wondered about the phenomenon of multiple personalities. I guess it's called Dissociative Identity Disorder now. It's long fascinated me how each of the personalities can display abilities and even physical limitations that the other personalities don't have.
I have a deep wordless feeling that this speaks to and illustrates what we're learning in your courses. The lack of solidity, the creativity of the identified mind.
I'd love to hear your take on what you think is happening when someone has multiple personalities. Not so much why it happens, but how from a nondualistic perspective.
I was chatting to the sister of someone I knew 30 years ago.
She mentioned that her brother felt there was something off with me back then.
I felt denial rise and fall.
Before I replied saying something like well I'm in a better space now.
But then came a sense of dread - was it that obvious that I was fucked up?
I was oblivious to it.
Was I that bad?
I've just listened to your podcast on "Unconditional Love". Can you say a little about how to parent our inner child? One of the reasons I was drawn to non duality was that I liked the idea of there being no self. This is largely because I don't like myself. Thru the years of listening I realize this isn't at all what it's trying to point to. As with the previous writers' child, I too have a lot of suicidal ideation. This might be too large a topic for a podcast, but maybe there's a few things you could say about it.
Could you speak a bit about common sense how do you see it? Is it the expression of intelligence behind life or it's well engraved learned program offering illusional stability to self and to maintain the belief that there is a seperate decider/doer from where we run our lives?
Somehow common sense has been a great GPS through my life as very solid & clear guidance.
A conversation with the excellent Piers Thurston ahead of the November on-line course WANT.
https://piersthurston.com
The membership to have access to on-line courses is now closed. You can click here to join the wait-list for when it next opens.
https://claredimond.simplero.com
The moment has come when I’ve been asked to do something that fills me with abject fear and would require throwing out all my safety behaviours. I know the answer is in me not out there but i don’t know which voice it is! I have been asked to speak at a large gala dinner early next year. It will be late on in the evening (already I am uncomfortable at that part alone!) in front of 300 people and all my colleagues. About 12 years ago I had a panic attack on stage during a work presentation- my first ever panic attack. So here I am having learnt so much but still none the wiser it seems. Do I want to face this fear (or see the fear for what it is) or do I want to learn the art of saying no to something that will bring about weeks of discomfort and sleeplessness to please others? Which lesson needs to be learnt and how do I find my wisdom?
I'm struggling with my phobic reaction around health checks, specifically blood pressure.
I have my pre op screening on the 31st Oct and was just looking at the appointment letter to see what was involved. I had a reaction which I can only describe as a full blown anxiety attack. The adrenal rush was huge, my heart rate went into overdrive and god only knows where my blood pressure is. Tunnel vision, dizzy, the works. Two hours later I am still suffering from the after-effects....feeling really toxic.
When I sit with this I'm only seeing the after effects of something that happens in a split second. I feel like it's too late by the time I have the opportunity to sit with it. I know it's only thought and feelings, and neither of them are really me, but it's truly awful. It's the biggest double bind. The anxiety which causes my blood pressure to spike is caused by my thoughts of having to have my blood pressure tested. It's about getting awful news I think. In this case it is self fulfilling in a major way.
Do you have any thoughts on what I can do? I somehow need to break the link between the trigger and the response.
I'm getting a bit desperate. I think they will cancel the op if the blood pressure is too high.
My question is this. What if what the person you are with is saying “I don’t want to carry on living and I want to end my life” in terms of accepting what the other chooses to do with their actions. What I think I’m seeing in the book is that I can’t yet tell what is being actually said as there’s still massive reaction to these words so more work to be done first. Currently then I’m in reaction to me and my needs trying to be met via her and so no space for her and in fact a pushing away of the love and connection I want us to have together (so I can feel like a ‘good mum’). So my need for her to make me feel like a ‘good mum’ by not trying to kill herself or even talk about it is what’s creating the whole shit show. Have I got that right?
I notice that i have many judgements about the way I look. On a theoretical level I understand that this is a layer of thought, and not reality. But it seems so real. Because it looks so real, I have all kinds of behaviour in place in order to manage the ‘fact’ that I am ugly. A couple of examples are: Avoiding to give interviews on camera, searching for ways to improve my posture, frequently going to the hairdresser etc.
Can you explain how I can use this way of seeing myself in order to deepen my understanding about reality?
My darling clare dimond,
I honestly don’t know how to express the impact your latest most personal book has had on me.
As you always so lovingly say to me and others in our community, you’re speaking for all of us, Clare!
Nothing could be more true in my case.
As you know and we have talked about, i was in a 2 year relationship with a man whom i was convinced would be my life partner, and in June when he told me for the 2nd time he could not give me the “commitment” that i wanted l, i broke it off with him. He tried several times to reconnect with me afterwards, but i pushed him away.
The deeply profound suffering i have been in since that time led me (again, with your suggestion on one of our courses) straight into
“The Work” which has cracked me wide open even more seeing the projection that he is and its not about HIM!!l It never was.. OMG What a GIFT!
I am sitting in what needs to be felt no matter how difficult or painful and now seeing it as a way back Home to self love which requires nothing of anyone else… wow
I had a tiny understanding this morning of what has been hard for me to grasp: “no separation, no other” whereby i could see how this man has been a complete projection of my wounds and I havent seen “the person” thats the separation, and when i can see him without the need to fulfill or complete me, i am present to the actual person .. would appreciate if you could expound on this..
another thing i would love to hear from you on is going deep into the feelings as pain arises, feeling in the body without attaching the story.. i find this sometimes difficult as my ego mind gets involved running the movie of whats not happening now.. so i can somehow fix, resolve situation, go back and say things differently for different outcome. How to turn off the bloody projector!! Insanity..
There is so much in your book that literally floored me but this quote was one:
True love is not devastated by another person living life in the way that makes sense for them
OMG, yes! I look forward to This man finding the love of his life as I am finding mine: and she’s right here with me ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏
So much love a gratitude to you dearest Clare
We think that we resist certain states because they are there, but actually they are there because we resist them.
Adyashanti
I am in the midst of a six week course called radical love shift based on the work of Byron Katie. doing the worksheets with different partners from the course has been very powerful and I’m glad I joined especially now given my recent breakup.
However, there is confusion when it comes to non dual conversation and some of these practices around “falling in love” with myself. Maybe I’m just overthinking it but wondering what your thoughts are on the assignment to make a list of what i need/want in a relationship and then turn each one around to the “self” what self?
An example:
I need my partner to love me unconditionally. Turned around; I need me to love myself unconditionally.
You may of already addressed this topic in another podcast but If Not, love to have your answer on a podcast…
After listening to your podcast today (Oct 6th) re Syd’s quote about Free Will and then listening to some of these podcasts below. I am once again confused as to wether what you are sharing is aligned with The Three Principles?
Sydney Banks said that 'when you live in a beautiful feeling, it will teach you everything you need to know. '
Is this ‘beautiful feeling’ something completely different from 'sitting in the feeling' that you encourage us to do?
Is one Universal beautiful feelings and the other personal difficult feelings?
Is what you are sharing the same as the Three Principles? It seems to me that although you never contradict the Three Principles you are adding an ‘addendum’?
Hi Clare,
Can you speak more to the idea that this conversation isn't attempting to get rid of the self, or if it is? The more inquiry that happens, the more it seems that suffering IS the self. For example in one of your books you point out that feeling grief is not the self, it's the resistance to it or a belief that it's wrong to feel grief is where the self is.
As more practice at 'being with sensations' is happening, it feels like the suffering isn't there when the inquiry goes into the body. Then, when the mind drifts somewhere else out of attending to bodily sensations the suffering returns. It's bizarre.
Thank you!
I have some trouble to see how faith and trust fit into this conversation.
I always had a strong knowing that I am guided, and all will just work out in some way. Like being part of a benevolent universe.
So if we are life living, and there is no me, then there is also no me some universe may care about. Life moves towards thriving, but as I see it, not in a particular way, when we look at biology, like plants and animals. It seems the one particular tube is not important in the big picture.
So now what, are those body-mind systems just randomly held in life or not, depneding if it serves the thriving? If yes, how can the human psychology get along with that?
Or am I misunderstanding everything?
I think the real question for me is how did you come to be teaching the way you do?
Is this something you have developed yourself from your personal work? Are there other 3P teachers pointing to the same thing?
Is this what non-duality is pointing to?
I seem to have created a situation on my life including a romantic relationship which exactly mirrors the painful feelings of abandonment from childhood. I am triggered constantly inbetween some brief periods of feeling secure and safe.
I could eliminate some of triggers by ending the relationship but then I know I will be seeking again to fill that void.
It is really difficult and I often feel unhappy to constantly get triggered so I want this to end but I’m very scared and maybe I will recreate it again and
We have tried everything to get rid of suffering. We have gone everywhere to get rid of suffering. We have bought everything to get rid of it. We have ingested everything to get rid of it. Finally, when one has tried enough, there arises the possibility of spiritual maturity with the willingness to stop the futile attempt to get rid of it and, instead, to actually experience suffering. In that momentous instant, there is the realization of that which is beyond suffering, of that which is untouched by suffering. There is the realisation of who one truly is.
Gangaji
This question keeps returning to me
So thought I’d ask again!
I am feeling safer gradually but I do find that when a person/situation triggers the child in me I still cannot move one way or another either in out away. It’s like I’m stuck there
What to do?
I’m leaving in just over a week to be with my dying dad. He left us when I was 6 and I didn’t see him again until I was 31.
Something I’m aware of is a programme acquired around not being enough and things being my fault and I’ve wondered recently if this comes from a small child’s mind creating associations and innocent beliefs about that situation.
I would like to directly ask my dad if he left because I wasn’t good enough or whether I did anything wrong. I feel that perhaps hearing his response will bring more reality.
But I don’t know if this is just a separate self seeking more security.
Any thoughts would be so gratefully received.
Email 1
I am loving the ‘do the thing’ theme and have a question that I hope you can help as I sense that at the root of this will be a huge shift.
My father and I have had a difficult relationship for many years and we maintain the peace by keeping our conversations fairly superficial and avoid any ’sticky’ subjects.
I call him every week to 10 days and notice myself getting uptight leading up to the call and then feeling completely relieved when it is over. He always thanks me for calling but also complains to other family members that I should be calling more frequently.
So when I heard the podcast about it sometimes being about not ‘doing the thing’ I wondered wether that would apply in this situation?
On one hand I really do not enjoy the calls and would not miss them, but on that seems unkind and to be honest I am not sure I could not make them.
Looking forward to whatever you have to offer me, I am up for a challenge after having some days off…
[I asked - In what way is it difficult?]
Email 2
Wow, I am not sure if you meant for this question to send me spinning in the way it has, but if so that was brilliant!
I sat down last night to try to elaborate and give you some examples.
I wrote about 5 different emails going over some past issues, and each time I went to send them, I realised that all those situations are no longer true….and even more disconcerting, I am not sure they ever were.
So I shall sit with this a while longer and see if I can come up with something that is other than a story I have been telling myself for a very long time, but right now things seems to be evaporating before my very eyes!
Now what??
Email 3
Wow, who knew much a simple question could unravel my whole life story?!
Your questions have been keeping me up at night and waking me in the am.
At first I was happy to get into the stories of my father and I, that are quite interesting and colourful, however as I began writing them out, and feeling all these old emotions they began to lose their lustre and grip on me.
So here is what I am left with, and even this, that felt so solid, is starting to look questionable.
A little background…..I come from a culture that expects the women to centre their lives around everyone else’s needs (husbands, children, parents..) and my father and I have clashed regarding these expectations since I was a teenager. I finally realised that I would never be able to meet those expectations, so stopped trying.
I no longer attend the multiple extended family get togethers and am considered the black sheep of a large multi-generational family.
I do feel a desire/obligation/duty to maintain a relationship with my father especially since my mother passed away, however I think if we were both to be honest we do not really enjoy each others company. He likes for me to phone or visit, but mostly so that her can tell the rest of the family that I did so.
We have tried to work out our differences over the years even with the help of a psychologist, who ultimately suggested that we do not get into conversations where we had different opinions. So that limits our conversations to the weather as he has very strong opinions that are not up for discussion.
He speaks quite negatively about most other people and I am aware that he does the same about me to others.
He refuses to give up his drivers licence even though he is not longer safe on the road.
I absolutely can see where we are similar in many ways, however this does not seem to shift the fact that I find it really hard to spend any length of time with him.
So I guess to sum it up, I feel he has un-reasonable expectations of me, and we disagree on most topics, yet feel I want to maintain some sort of a relationship with him especially as he ages and is going to need he
Thank you again for a insightful conversation we had during 1:1 call.
It was a big opener for me as I noticed that till then I misunderstood the principle of thought.
I understood that feelings are product of my thinking about circumstance in my life.
As i see it now from our conversation, feelings arise from thought (universal energy) and there comes feeling. For that feeling, we then look outside in our circumstances to attribute it to something, to pin it to some happening in our life.
So through learning and conditioning the system body-mind made learned connections as solid blocks/platform on which our life operates. Going round and round in circles in a sense what a thinker thinks the prover proves.
Oh my God.. the platform is totally made up...
if we keep heading into and even appreciating the suffering, surely we’ll just keep finding ever more of it. In your mind that’s a good thing (!), in my mind ‘why would you want to ruin every day looking for more experiences of suffering?’ Why not choose to spend your time looking for all the obvious beauty, love and joyful moments instead? It seems to me we get more of what we focus on….? I guess I cannot get my head around the fact that you would rather be in suffering than happiness - so that you can find out true nature (ie happiness). Why not just cut out the awful middle man?
I listened to a Syd Banks talk in which he said we have the free will to use our thinking in any way we liked. He said if someone argues with you that they don’t have free will, they are using their free will to argue with you.
You talk a lot of a witness. If there is no separate self or part of us that is separate, isn’t a witness only another creation of the mind?
How can we be a witness to feelings, thoughts or behaviours and be present and whole in the moment? Wouldn’t it mean that when we’re witnessing, we’re creating separation within ourselves?
The topic of calling in sick at work more than other people do.. Followed by guilt, and waiting for annoyed reactions of the people who get affected by this. Today I am sick for the second time this month. I called in sick, got an annoyed reply and started to be scared about not being good enough, eventually loosing my job and everyone gossiping about me. All those thoughts about am I just too weak, should I pull myself together and go there anyways, started showing up.
And I don't know what to do with all this thinking.
What am I not seeing here?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Its-not-you-its-break-ups-ebook/dp/B0BGCZDS7G/ref=sr_1_11?crid=OD7UFJ9EO5C3&keywords=clare+dimond&qid=1664185132&sprefix=%2Caps%2C147&sr=8-11
A rat in a maze is free to go anywhere,
as long as it stays inside the maze.
Margaret Atwood
Hi Clare,
I have a question about the 'do the thing' thing.😂
This is quite a topic at the moment in the group and also you mentioned it in one Play video again in the context of looking for a good feeling.
I get the concept intellectually, and I also 'do the thing' for many years now, about seven or so, I feel the sensations, survive the thing, and on it goes again. Next time: same debilitating symptoms, same freeze, nausea, not being able to concentrate on anything else, like the life is on hold until it's over.
So maybe you say that I want it to go away: Yes I do! How could I not, it's such an intense suffering, I would also remove my hand from a hot stove and not put it again and again and again back for years. As a biological system we are wired to avoid pain, so it seems to me unavoidable to want it to go away. I still face it when it's there and want it to go away at the same time.
Ironically not doing the thing doesn't feel right eather. So tricky. I could easily stop but for some weird reason I just don't. And when the next offer comes, yes is beeing said, although I wanted to not accept those offers anymore.
It seems like a lifelong sentence to suffering.
What I am not seeing?
Thank you for any thoughts.
Dear Clare
I wonder if you could shed some light on the area of indecisiveness. I have been in a relationship for around 18 months and for about the last 6 months am unsure whether to continue with it or not. I seem to change my mind on this constantly. It’s a push pull feeling and I watch my mind go back and forward with the dilemma. I am going around in circles and I feel like I am 50/50 and unable to decide. It feels quite unfair on my partner as he can sense me pulling away or having cold feet about our relationship and then other times I am open and loving - understandably it’s confusing and difficult for him to be in a relationship with someone who’s not sure about him. I’d be really grateful if you could speak to what’s really going on here around being stuck with indecision.
Thank you Clare
A quick report. I have listened to snippets of Play and some of this weeks webinar. It’s all been too much to take on. I have had a deadline to meet this month ending next Friday. Completing paintings for an exhibition. I’ve been overwhelmed and gripped by fear. Im “trying” to remain calm and feel comfortable with being in the space where I am feeling shaken, swamped and inadequate. Completing tasks fills me with dread, navigating things to do in a timeline is a crushing stress. All I want to do is disengage. Play is at the end of a long dark tunnel, unreachable. I guess it’s a blessing that all this is coming up.
I seem to have got myself to a point where I am asking myself, simply...what is the purpose of life? Why bother? If all I am is awareness, what is the point? Why put up with the hassle of everyday existence? I'm alive now, doing what I do, then at some point, I won't be! It's inevitable. People come, people go.
In amongst all the emotions of the Queen's dying, I was prompted to look up an old friend on the internet. We were VERY close between my marriages, so about 21 years ago. We didn't stay in contact but I sometimes wondered what she was up to, how she was getting on etc. I'd had no contact since she called me out of the blue about 17 years ago to let me know her mum had died. So my google search led me to find out that my friend had actually died in 2012. In my mind, she had been alive until two weeks ago, but in reality, had been gone for more than 10 years. It really hit me for six. I was shocked, sad, and even felt a bit guilty (no reason I should feel guilty, but we were like soul-mates for a while). She was 53 or 54 years old...way too young. I've since learned that she went into a spiral of depression after her mum's death and died of alcohol-related illness. Two weeks later I'm still trying to understand. When I knew her she was full of life. Vibrant.The life and soul of the party. Now she isn't anything but a memory.
So I'm questioning what it's all about. What, really, is the point of my being here? Even if I get to the point of enlightenment, so what?
Any thoughts?
p.s. I'm not feeling depressed. Definitely not suicidal. Just at a loss as to the 'why' of it all.
Many spiritual people are involved in a radical denial of what is happening. They want to transcend it, get rid of it, get out of it, get away from it. There's nothing wrong with that feeling, but the approach doesn't work because it's escapism in spiritual clothing. It's wearing spiritual clothing and spiritual concepts, but it is really no different than a drunk in the gutter who doesn't want to feel the pain anymore. When you abide and accept everything completely and fully, you automatically go beyond.
Adyashanti
Thank you for all your amazing courses. I continue to listen and learn every day and am finding what you teach invaluable in so many ways.
I was listening to your podcast a couple of days ago entitled 'resistance, acceptance and choice' and the idea of ultimate accountability resonates with me (this also links with the story you told about the young girl working with Byron Katie who said her Dad bullied her. Byron Katie asked the girl that if her father was holding a gun to her head and said 'clean the shoes or be shot' and the girl chooses to be shot, who really pulled the trigger? Byron Katie says, the girl.
So I'm intrigued by ultimate accountability/responsibility.
My question is, can this be applied to any situation? Say for example, a young person comes to me to say they are being bullied. If we explore what the young person's options are to try and resolve the situation and it comes to light that there are options that they haven't fully considered or followed through on, can it be right to say that the young person is choosing to be bullied? And what if they have explored all of their options and there is still bullying happening?
And then there's the part of exploring with the young person where they too might be displaying bullying behaviour somewhere in their life towards someone/something else. (the inner reflecting outwards).
It feels harsh to suggest all this to a vulnerable young person, but at the same time, if this is their route to truth and freedom then it needs to be spoken.
If there is no doer how does anything get done? And why do you suggest doing things like therapy or no-brainers.
In the 3 principles understanding, it's seen we feel our thinking in the moment - is this also part of your teaching and if it isn't what do you see that's different? Thank you.
I have a question about today’s podcast (Friday 16th Sept)
What you said is so true, I love it. The only thing not clear is what you mean when you say ‚remove or put in the barriers‘.
I sounds to me like you need willpower and effort to do that. If we could just remove the barriers we would have done it long ago.
My personal experience with food and exercise and substances is, when you fully feel the effects it has on the system the behavior changes by itself over time. You don’t have to remove or put in anything, you just do it or don’t do it anymore. Happened to me with several things from alcohol to fast food to other substances.
Is that what you mean by removing the barriers or something else? I would love to hear a clarification.
Thank you for reading 🙏
There’s no such thing as overreacting; it’s just that what someone is reacting to may no longer be what’s in front of them.
Terrence Real
We’ll continue to lose what completes us until we realise we are already complete. That’s what pain teaches you— that you’ll always have a wound when your wholeness depends on another… and your love will always be conditional when it comes with the condition that you are incomplete without them.
Mark Groves
Sorry for asking this again, you have spoken so much about this and still it‘s not really clear here what you mean by no self accountability.
The no self part seems clear, there is no doer, life just lives and expresses through us shaped by our individual systems build of many things like genetics and conditioning. Maybe this already is wrong?
So what is the accountability part besides noticing what happens and acknowledging it happens in this unit. If I follow the logic even if there is noticing or acknowledging happens or not, so there is no one deciding to notice etc. If there is no doer, what is accountable for anything and what decides to be? It seems accountability just happens or not. Can we call it accountability then?
Sorry for this chaotic explanation, even formulating the question is not clear. I hope I could make myself a bit understandable. Happy for any thoughts.
I am a little hesitant to ask this question as I suspect that I am not going to like the answer, but here goes anyway….
I was raised in a family that was very ‘reserved’ we did not raise our voices, express emotions openly, disagree with anyone in public etc.
Of-course I married someone who’s family is quite the opposite ,lots of arguments, yelling, cutting off relationships over minor disagreements etc.
At first I found this quite refreshing and if I were to be honest, was quite intrigued and enjoyed the drama.
That novelty has now worn off and I find myself being resentful of the amount of time and energy that is spent, caught in the middle of all this conflict.
I have been looking at where I do the same thing as well as sitting in the suffering and although this has been so helpful in almost every other relationship I have. I am stuck on this one. HELP.
I just find myself wanting to avoid family get togethers or if I attend find a way to distract myself or withdraw from the conversations. Is there ever a time when it is better to just avoid/walk away from the whole situation?
Thank you,
Loads of love as always, (even if you send me back in)
I am at an in-between stage in my life, retiring from a very fulfilling and fun career as a veterinarian and looking at what is next for me.
I feel I am in a place where I would like to make some kind of contribution to this world of chaos that seems to be ramping up, yet am hesitant to jump into trying to 'fix the world’ out there that is just made up of my projections.
I do not have many limitations or restrictions on what I could do but as a result feel somewhat overwhelmed by the courses/choices/options available.
Do you have any suggestions about how to go about finding the ‘right’ thing to do?
I developed a connection with someone on a similar inner exploration some time ago, which turned into quite a deep relationship as we both shared vulnerabilities. In this 'inner adventure' on my part there have been revelations around deep-seated people pleasing tendencies which may well have begun in childhood, but no longer feel in alignment with the truth of what I am. The relationship with this person began to shift over time and I became aware of an intensity that sometimes felt uncomfortable and the boundaries felt a bit off. It felt appropriate to distance myself and this resulted in what looked like hurt behaviour from the other person, manifesting with some aggression. There was an immediate rush of fear with me and a sense that I'd been very naive to be so open and trusting and there was a capacity to see in me a tendency to become self-critical and apportion blame. The other person chose to block me on social channels, which appeared to come from a rational, loving place. It was a relief and something I didn't seem to have the courage to do as I was fearful of how it would be received. I see here a strong sense of responsibility for hurting that person, but also an instinctive desire to protect myself and not to accept a relationship dynamic that feels like it compromises healthy boundaries. There is still unease and lots of mixed emotions (and sometimes fearful thoughts and dreams) about this person as they seem to linger in my consciousness, as if there is some unresolved hurt. When I return to 'being' there is a quiet knowing of safety, wellbeing and empathy, but this often is at odds with a psychological self which feels afraid. It's hard to have clarity in these moments, though I see that allowing the feelings is safe and healing seems to come from breathing into this and seeing my own hurt, resentment and fear in the projections of the other - and finding incredible grace (and catharsis) in honouring the little girl in me who is so afraid. I'd love your perspective on this.
Thanks for your response to my email. I had a good week last week. I seemed to have dropped into a space where all there really was was 'right here, right now' and not much else. For whatever reason, it was almost like my unhelpful thinking just wasn't 'taking hold', wasn't sticking. Fear thoughts just passed by without anything grabbing onto them. It felt like I couldn't have 'terrorised myself' even if I'd wanted to. And all with little or no effort.
Then, after a boozy night on Saturday everything seems to have fallen apart again. Feels like almost back to square one. Yesterday was a constant battle to 'just be in the body and feel whatever comes up without judging'. I was like a cat on a hot tin roof. Today I'm not a lot better either even though I had an alcohol free night ( I sound like a right old boozer, but the reality is that I only drink at the weekends and have no issue not drinking. The point is that if I'm prone to occasionally getting a taste for it and overindulging when I do drink - then I feel toxic the next day and the impact is even more psychological than physical). I should say that when this happened I didn't fall out with anyone, upset anyone or do anything that could have made me feel guilty. Just me feeling crap after one too many.
I'm not sure how I get back to that place of clarity. On the one hand I know that it's there, because I've experienced it. On the other it's clear that at the moment it is easily lost. Feeling a bit discouraged.
I always begin my day with your podcast so yesterday I was delighted to receive the response to my question about game 1 and 2 right after I sent it Thank you!
Today I listened to your podcast about discomfort and projections, all making sense (today anyway)
My question is, does this ’sitting in the feeling’ hold true for all suffering?
What about seemingly simple and somewhat ridiculous reactions for example getting mad about being cut off in traffic?
I don’t want to over analyse my life but also don’t want to miss out on or write off opportunities to heal.
I've just listened to your podcast 'Capacity'. You were speaking about projections as not being true. I understand that what's happening right now is all there is and anything else is imagination. My body holds a lot of contraction and sometimes the mind gets involved as well. It seems like my projections always do come true though so it's hard not to see what's going to happen as being close and often worse than what my mind cooks up. My brain is now wired for this. When you talk about 'getting still' do you mean that literally as in I should sit down, be quiet and feel what needs to be felt. The dread never goes away and I'm always in the 'face the fear and do it anyways' program, so capacity or not it's in my face and has to be done.
Thanks Clare❤❤❤
I listened to your podcasts on August 31 and Sept 1 (parts 1 ad 2) and they make complete sense to me and I have had significant changes occur in my relationships as a result of willing to sit in the suffering rather than point my finger out there at ’the problem’
My question is around you saying that telling people to ‘find a nice feeling’ is not helpful and could be harmful (as I understand it)
How is it that so many people seem to have life changing realisations from simply hearing that and so may (long time) 3P teachers mostly emphasise that as the foundation of their teaching?
Sounds a lot easier than what we are doing?
Well, what an interesting 24 hours! Yesterday was really rough. I think I was a bit toxic from too much wine at the weekend, but also my mind was sooooo full on that it was like torture. Trying to organise a hospital appointment too, had me (not quite literally) curled up in a corner shaking.
This morning though I felt so much better. I'd rehydrated and slept great. I was listening to the subliminals and just watching what was going on with thoughts and feelings. Lots of the same old controlling thinking. Some full on and in your face...direct. Some a little bit more insidious...trying to sneak in with a benign thought which then led me back down the resisting path again. Anyway, focusing on the gap between thoughts, I realised that I had a feeling of what I can only call JOY bubbling up. I've had that before on occasion, but what I'd not seen/realised was thought's response to it was quite brutal. It was like I was somehow supressing the feeling because it was scary. I'd be out of control if it let it really take shape and explode. Thinking creeps in and thoughts of embarrassment and shame appear. I can only describe it as like trying to stifle an orgasm due to shame (if that makes any sense at all). A massive energetic feeling arises but the feeling of being out of control joyful was just too scary.
In writing this I'm smiling because I was going to say...'who am I to experience this joy and freedom', but then realising that this was the real me that I have been suppressing all my life. I realised too that watching my wife's unbridled joy at greeting friends and being in the moment has always felt uncomfortable to me. I've been very suppressed. Locked down.
Not sure that this makes any sense at all?
Super on edge today. I feel like my mind is in overdrive and am trying to concentrate on the physical sensation. I've been reading the book you mentioned on the Sunday podcast 'conversations on non-duality' and I keep seeing the word 'constriction'. That very much feels like the physical sensation I keep getting in waves. I have a thought, immediately followed by a sensation which I just try to 'be with/experience without judgement'. It will dissipate, then some time afterwards it will come again. It's like it's a thought that is really fighting to be responded to or fixed. It feels hugely unpleasant but I'm trying to just be aware of what the sensation is rather than trying to do anything about it.
I've been listening to the subliminals daily since receiving them and am up to about 30 mins a day with them. I'm also continuing my reading and watching of books and videos on Non-duality. I've finished your book, Home, and have also finished Tony Parsons The Open Secret, plus Ruper Spira's You Are The Happiness You Seek. And I'm also dipping into the 26 conversation book you recommended last week.
Perhaps I'm overdoing it and trying to force the penny dropping, but I just feel confused and overwhelmed. I have brief moments of clarity, but otherwise it's just a fog. Maybe because of the language that is being used to explain the inexplicable? The best way I can describe it is that I feel like I'm a millimetre away from 'getting it', but may as well be a thousand miles. Dead frustrating.
Any thoughts?
"Reality is nothing but a Rorschach ink blot, you know" Alan Watts.
"Reality is an illusion. Albeit a persistent one." Albert Einstein.
Wonderful Words
Will a subliminal recording take away the pain of believed separation? Listener question
I am going thru the THEM course of Clare Dimond & have the following question: I understand that whenever we are being confronted with a disliked behavior in someone else, the first place to heal that disliked behavior is FIRST within ourselves. Is my understanding correct? If it is, how do we go about healing that disliked behavior within ourselves?
'Honestly I cannot understand what people mean when they talk about the freedom of the human will. I have a feeling for instance, that I will something or other; but what relation this has with freedom I cannot understand at all'. Einstein
Following Clare’s podcast on Tuesday about therapy and my subsequent post, some questions have come up about access to help for people in distress; I’d be grateful for any thoughts.
Obviously, a person who is ignorant about nonduality (as I was) cannot discern whether or not the therapist they approach has this understanding.
However, for a prospective or current client who knows about nonduality, such as the podcast questioner, is it better for them to forego the help of someone who doesn’t come from this understanding? They might be likely to, but are we suggesting that any therapist without this understanding is to be avoided?
Are there currently enough therapists working from this understanding to meet the need out there? It seems not, so then what?
Does Life itself know what we’re ready for (including coming across this conversation) and, if so, might what shows up be exactly right, nondual or not?
Thanks to anyone who responds.
You often use the metaphor mountain - no mountain - mountain. And you also encourage us to stay with the discomfort, to notice it, observe it, and see what's believed and what's actually true in those moments. A peer in your community shared with me that staying with the discomfort is "no mountain" - can you speak to that? I'm not seeing what she's seeing yet.
Is crying just part of selfing or an indication of or reaction to selfing. If we speak about something or hear something or see something and tears arise .. is this a sign of somehting healing and being let go of or a sign that we are selfing and to 'stop it'. I have often wondered what the bodies mechanism of producing tears serves .. tears can come in times of sadness or joy and maybe its all just a way of the system regulating itself and to 'get us back into body connection and presence'
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
What do you think, does our language express or create the “I?”
The rules of our language identify a subject and a verb. For example, an I and something that is happening.
“I am doing this.”
Yet in this conversation it is seen that awareness is aware of the doing happening — I am not doing this. I am not the doer and there is no I.)
Does the world look this way in language because this is how we think or do we think this way because of our language?
It may ultimately be a chicken and an egg thing, or just a case of co-arising.
But I wonder are there cultures/languages with sentences that developed without a subject?
It feels like there is an intuitive sense of an I, but babies don’t seem to be born with it. Helen Keller, I’ve read, had no sense of an I or a self until she learned language. Or until language was learned by that localized body/mind system.
I don’t know the attribution, but I’ve recently heard “The I in I am happy is the same as the it in it is raining.”
How much does language shape our thinking? Or does our thinking shape our language?
Something became clearer this morning when I awoke. It was that there are no "them" that condition us. I used to think that my parents did most of my early conditioning but of course they didn't. This body/mind does/creates the conditions - yes, based on its environment, but the actual "data" it absorbs is its own. This was a Wow.
I thought that if they had conditioned me then the same would be true for my children and I had felt guilty. But just as I had no control over my parenting, I/they had no control over what was accepted as true.
Your thoughts would be great
You are truly my inspiration! Thank you! I already purchased your new book as soon as it came up on Amazon. Thank you!
Yesterday, after attending my 14 year old son's tournament, where they won the whole thing, I was devastatingly down. This is where I wish I had a friend I could call at any time to just listen, and accept that I am low, and I would like that person to understand the way I believe about "thought", and "truth".
I listen to your podcasts over and over, and I want to be able to have a person to call when I go low like this and not try to "fix" me. I have never been able to acknowledge my true feelings for what they are and if I talk to a male friend, he tries to fix me,.and I have no one in the female area I am close enough to divulge my inner most feelings, without being classified as "depressed ", etc.
Also, here is what I believe is needed with some guidelines. We need to be able to call a friend or significant other, when we are feeling low, or down, just to chat. I tried calling a buddy; all he says is. "I understand"! His understanding has zero to do with yours truly, and what difference does it make? This wasn't me talking and telling him why I was down.
I am asking you cause i dont know who to turn to with this ... I am bedridden .. i feel so weak, depressed, and just have zero motivation and energy to do anything.. everything seems so boring and exhausting... But i am suffering in bed cause i want to be full of energy, have zest for life and have joy .. i feel depressed, i cant focus on anything other then movies or funny youtube videos.. how can one have more energy or feel energized, happy, motivated? I feel so pessimistic that i will never be able to get out of my sufferings. Is there a way? Can you help with getting out of weakness, depression, lethargy, helplessness, pessimism, hopelessness? I feel like i totally left myself, and i am totally submitted to negativity, pessimism and weakness.
Hope you help
I have a pattern, which plays out with increasing regularity, where I discover a course/workshop/training that I am interested in, where the outcome would be that I could teach/lead/facilitate others. I sign up, and then either immediately, or soon after, think I have made the wrong decision and I usually cancel it or just don’t do it. I have a veritable graveyard of such unopened/unfinished projects.
They are all, without exception, things that I thought were heart-led, that I really resonate with, and which I feel would be dreams coming true if I were lucky enough to do them in reality.
I am beginning to see that they are perhaps yet another addiction, an escape from reality, a way of thinking that ‘when I’m doing that, then I will be OK’.
I discovered non-duality teachings at least twenty years ago, and after many years previous to that of personal/spiritual development.
If, after all that time - through reading, allowing, absorbing, becoming more aware, practicing witnessing and being present - I still haven’t ‘got’ it, if my knowing is only intellectual and my system continues to play out the old patterns, despite my awareness of them, how on earth will I ever be free to love what I’m doing, whether that is a ‘boring office job’ or some ‘amazing world-changing work’.
I’m as tired of trying to ‘get it’ through exploring non-duality teachings as I am of the suffering resulting from repeating (conscious or unconscious) patterns.
If you could address how I step out of this paralysis I would be so grateful, thank you.
Can you say more about the self-parenting idea with this understanding?
I've been in and out of various forms of therapy since I was a teenager and self parenting has involved saying things like "I love you" to the system or to the idea of various ages of a younger "me". I had stopped doing this out of the impression that this practice is a form of separate self-concept reinforcement.
Yet observing the system speaking aloud, to this memory of a small child created in this moment, and feeling the sadness or anxiety fluctuate to warmth and comfort - I'm wondering if that's presence?
Is the self, I, me, just a habit I've (we've) fallen into? I find, when I'm conscious/aware/brave enough, that I can momentarily switch off the dialogue and drop into (best way I can describe it) silence and nothingness. It's blissful, but always very short-lived. It's like flicking the pause button, but very soon worry and guilt bring the noise back.
Hi Clare. Hope you're well? Just finished reading Well, and loved it. Thanks! I've had a year out from reading 3P you're books but now seem to have got a taste for it again. I'm now reading HOME and finding it pretty all-engrossing. Loving the humoured too😀. I have a question for you about universal mind/ consciousness. How do we know it's something universal rather than just a phenomenon of the brain that all brain owners have? I think about the space which is the gap between thoughts. It's a space of peace and ease. Is it universal though? Or just what my brain does when it's not doing its usual busy work? It's this spiritual 'universality' which I struggle with.
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.”
― C.G. Jung
So powerful and clear explanations are coming from your videos of the THEM course.
Thank you very much for all your wisdom you're sharing with us.
Listening to Day 28 the words struck me where you're explaining how relationships can be held when we don't need anything from the other person, especially words: ''They don't even have to stay alive''.
A question came up: '' What would grieving look and feel from this sane place?''
Remembering my grieving over loss of a close friends and later after loss of my father due to cancer. It was a lot about me and not so much about them really. It was more about how their death will affect me, what will I be lacking after they're gone etc.
Would love to hear your thoughts on that :)
I’ve just listened to todays message and have a quick question perhaps you might be able to clarify. If we are feeling all feelings without resistance aren’t we feeling our conditioning rather than reality? When, for example, I feel anxious, it’s coming from thinking, not actual reality..??
what’s real about the patriarchy- about the systemic oppression of women, particularly women of color? Or flipped- the systemic prioritization of money and power controlled by white guys? It doesn’t appear to be a particularly nourishing system on a global scale for anyone.
In this conversation, it feels like we are focusing on our individual mind/body systems, that getting into them helps access what’s real, AND it does feel to me like there is some level of “real” collective trauma looking to be revealed and healed- versus “personal” trauma…
Hi lovely Clare,
Can you say more about what is happening when the ego's needs for validation, approval, being liked, etc. do seem to be met? What is that?
Sometimes it seems like a temporary respite, like giving a piece of candy to a child who is tantruming. Other times it seems like presence/connection emerges and there's simply life unfolding and then the mind labels it as "belonging" or "being seen/heard/validated".
Can you share more about that please?
The real you is a field of intelligence in which the person you have identified yourself with, all other persons, as well as the environment in which they exist, all co-arise and co-evolve as a result of your own self-interactions.
Deepak Chopra
When you’ve been friends with someone for many years and then they start to delete you and ignore you but find many reasons to avoid you but they are saying they aren’t….is it time to leave the relationship?
I think what’s happening is I’m looking for myself/home in the other
I need them to feel ok
Or the insecurity does
The need for attention/belonging
And I look to thought for the answer
But I am also the space that sees that
Hope you are well. A lot has changed for me in a positive way since we last connected. Far too long for an email but again my gratitude for the membership.
Finding THEM very helpful. Wondered if this could be covered in a podcast or maybe I should ask on the webinar?
6 weeks ago I found myself effortlessly signing up for online dating 9 years post divorce. I’ve had no other relationship since the divorce as bringing up kids, working full time and caring for elderly relatives and just didn’t think I had the capacity to look or take on someone else. My husband had been unfaithful so I was also very scared of getting hurt again. In the 6 weeks of online, I’ve have two conversations by message leading to nothing as both ghosted me but then unexpectedly connected with someone last week and had a couple of dates. Felt very comfortable and there was a strong physical connection. Plenty of chat back and forth before we met and in between but now little. I’m feeling like a love sick teenager, with every What’s App notification, wondering if it’s him, wondering why he’s reading messages but taking a day to reply, why wasn’t in touch sooner given we had a lovely time, he was keen and he was a gentleman. Did I read the signals wrongly? I’m feeling rejected and a bit confused. I wanted to be open and clean in my communications but online dating seems to be a game that has to be played and I’m not sure of the rules so may have been too much too soon. It was lovely to have male company and attention again and I unexpectedly thoroughly enjoyed myself. Having withdrawn myself for so long I don’t want to retreat again but also don’t want to be feeling this needy.
Wondered your perspective. I know you talk of your experiences.
Deep into THEM course I came up with the question about giving and receiving feedback.
To give some illustration to this question I can recall my own example that happed to me while giving feedback to leaders of my team at work. As I presented my point of view what's working and what could be done differently I got the answer from two of the leaders as they both said, that this is just mine projection and point of view and that they don't see it that way. So my feedback just bounced back.
I felt cut off with this single sentence answer feeling like my opinion doesn't matter.
And as I looked at it later and also today my conclusion is that it's difficult for me to be a part of that team which doesn't accept or at least openly discussed feedback of employees.
Being in THEM course keeps me wondering: ''Is my conclusion about this event childhood need to be heard or adult response to it''? What' real here? Is the difference that makes the difference between the two in the feeling?
To travel a circle is to journey over the same ground time and time again. To travel a circle wisely is to journey over the same ground for the first time. In this way, the ordinary becomes extraordinary, and the circle, a path to where you wish to be. And when you notice at last that the path has circled back into itself, you realise that where you wish to be is where you have already been ... and always were.
Neale Donald Walsch
Hi Clare, I still stumble and ruminate about this whole notion of change. I know you answered already a lot of questions and the anwers are logical, but this system here just keeps asking and not knowing. So the thing is: change just happens if for the system it makes no more sense to sustain a behaviour. Ok so far. And when and why this happens, who knows? Something has been seen, heard whatever. Suddenly the systems sees things differently and what made sense yesterday doesn't make sense anymore. So this sounds like there is nothing to do, no attitude to take, no whatever to initiate this change. But still there is seeking and wanting to change. Where does this come from? And still and this is my main question there are tons of people who claim to decide to change or decide to do things differently and it worked for them. What is this then? Delusion? It was just the system ramdomly changing things and they just think they had a say in it? Or what? Do you have any thoughts on that?
Can fulfillment and satisfaction co-exist with longing/desire or does the arising of longing and desire have to arise in a system of unfulfilled needs?
I'm wondering what your take on this is. I have heard that what we are is life living through us. Do you think this life or consciousness can have the desire to live through us in a different way, or is it completely neutral?
I have a question that I have been chewing on for a bit.
It goes like this.
Where does the "understanding" often spoken of, happen?
It seems to me that it would have to happen in the "system" also spoken of.
And the skill or ability to observe or witness the thoughts and feelings that come out of the system, would also have to be trained into the system would it not?
Maybe even the realization that there is no self, would be something that would also have to be trained into the system, regardless of where that realization originated.
Then with that realization and those skills or abilities, the system would take that in and use it if it makes sense, therefore changing the system and allowing for more possibilities.
Continued from 8 July
I've just been listening to your podcast which was responding to a listener's question about the above. If I've got it right, I think your response was along the lines of our actions being beyond conscious control, with our perception of free will etc being an illusion. So how do we avoid slipping into determinism with this outlook? It's an old conundrum I know, but why have a penal system which punishes people for actions over which they had no conscious control? If nobody's responsible for anything, anything goes and that surely can't be right. We can go along with Hamlet and decide that "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinkingmakes it so", but I can't accept that someone like Ian Huntley (the Soham murderer) thought that what he was doing was 'good'. If what he did was 'good' then I don't want to live in a 'good' world. To conclude that, in separating the action from the actor and to condemn the former but not the latter, removes any sense of agency from what we think human beings are. And that means we're all automatons. Well, do you think we are?
Do you see any value in things like somatic exercises that calm the nervous system or is that just nother way of avoiding and not feeling ?
I've just been listening to your podcast which was responding to a listener's question about the above. If I've got it right, I think your response was along the lines of our actions being beyond conscious control, with our perception of free will etc being an illusion. So how do we avoid slipping into determinism with this outlook? It's an old conundrum I know, but why have a penal system which punishes people for actions over which they had no conscious control? If nobody's responsible for anything, anything goes and that surely can't be right. We can go along with Hamlet and decide that "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinkingmakes it so", but I can't accept that someone like Ian Huntley (the Soham murderer) thought that what he was doing was 'good'. If what he did was 'good' then I don't want to live in a 'good' world. To conclude that, in separating the action from the actor and to condemn the former but not the latter, removes any sense of agency from what we think human beings are. And that means we're all automatons. Well, do you think we are?
I’ve been pondering the experience you often described of sitting with a feeling and inquiring into what arises as a healing space of awareness, where a shift happens.
And while I’m sometimes aware that there is no me to do it or anything, I wonder what actually happens when a shift occurs and how whatever happens takes place? When I think there is a me doer, I wonder how best to inquire into it, to see through it, make it transparent?
This may be the result of way overthinking it, and if so it wouldn’t be the first time.
An example might show my pondering:
I talk on the phone with my darling, beloved sister. She shares with me what’s been happening in her life and I note an edge in her voice when she tells me of something particularly good that has happened to her. I hear this “edge” as bragging, a subtle putdown, and feel annoyed and jealous. I’m aware that I’m feeling this and then add on top of this a level of self-recrimination and guilt, as annoyance and jealousy aren’t “good” emotions. I love my sister and feel I should be happy for her, period.
So I feel all of this and sit with it. I feel diminished and I feel icky. And then I inquire about what’s going on. I see old childhood rivalries and competition for parental love and attention. I see where, sometimes when I talk with her, I am annoying and bragging. I own it. I allow as we’re both human we’re entitled to express human emotions. I see that our reactions come from our body/mind systems of how to be in the world. I allow as what I heard in her voice was my own projection. I’ve taken an endless deep dive into my psychology.
This may be well and good, but it feels like drowning in concepts and beliefs. Every “rational” explanation feels like another card in a house of cards that is built on vapor, going nowhere. How is this healing?
I wonder who is doing this diving and feeling and inquiring? Is this the body/mind busy defending its existence? Is this a process, a practice, for
healing that, like Bryon Katie’s The Work, becomes steps to be followed when a constriction is felt? Or is this inquiry description only of what happens when feelings are felt with inquiry, not a prescription?
What makes the shift, the flip from personal to impersonal? Sitting with the feelings and inquiring into them can feel like endless, pointless suffering. What is it in feeling the feelings, asking in curiosity about them, that shifts to the allowing of it, the accepting it, the witnessing it?
I’d love to hear your reflection on these teachings. They assume free will, duality, and mastery are our best intentions.
When Seneca was an advisor to Nero, he served alongside an aide named Epaphroditus, the owner of a slave named…Epictetus.Yet between Seneca, who was the richest man in Rome, Epaphroditus, who was one of the most powerful men in Rome, and Epictetus, who as a slave had no power at allit would be the slave who was the most free.How could that possibly be?Seneca himself would say that to be free is to belong to yourself. It is to be in charge of your mind, your will, your self. It is to insulate yourself from pointless obligations, from other people’s expectations, from materialism and the slavery of cravings or aspirations.“Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power,” Seneca said.Seneca would know, for he was acutely aware that he lacked such power. So did Epictetus. Not only as a slave, but also as a witness to Nero slowly buying and trapping Seneca in a gilded cage. In the end, Seneca couldn’t even quit his job without permission. It was the ultimate prison—one with no walls.Seneca was not a singular figure in this regard. Epictetus saw countless other people who were unable to walk away from a job they hated because they were walled in by big houses and fancy titles. He saw people contorting themselves to get on Nero’s good side. He saw all the limitations and constraints that come with money and power. He saw how jobs that needed to be held for years in order to get ahead narrowed the choices of the ambitious who held them, like chains attached to their own yoke.Epictetus was horrified by what he saw. “It is better to starve to death in a calm and confident state of mind,” he would say, “than to live anxiously amidst abundance.”“Freedom is the prize we are working for,” Seneca wrote, “not being a slave to anything—not to compulsion, not to chance events.” Then he said, “show me a man who isn’t a slave.” To money. To work. To fear. To whatever everyone else is doing. To alcohol, to cigarettes, soda, material possessions, bad habits, followers on social media, anchors on cable news. Indeed, we have many masters.
If thoughts create our reality what do we do because we do not choose our thoughts and we cannot change our thinking. What do we do to have a better experience. When we are in depression our thoughts are constantly awful negative and dark. They are on a loop and you don’t get a break from them. How do we change them.
I have a lot of respect for you, have read all your books, and resonate with how you "teach" about life and how you help people.
Honestly, I am at a point where I don't know whether to reach out to someone who I respect, or just try to stop saying and feeling the same things over and over. It has taken me several months feeling this way to decide to finally write to you. As you have said many times, we can't stop the thoughts that go on repeat in our brains/computers.
This is a difficult email to compose, as I really have no business taking up your precious time, so I'm apologizing up front. My hope is, you will read it, and make some sense of it.
I am 64, two time cancer survivor, divorcee, and full of unrest. When I was sick, I lost everything, and to make a long story short, I was one week from becoming homeless, and all I have been able to do is put bandaids on my entire existence and financial situation. It is the only way I can describe it and as truthfully as I can. "Reality!" LOL!
I was able to keep my home, although like many, I am living month-to-month, and so close to the losing it all. At my age, job prospects are very slim to none when the income level I need is higher than most.
My biggest regret is not paying cash for my home when I could have. I listened to everyone BUT my own wisdom. Here in America, we get brainwashed into going into debt, so we have a credit rating, AND, supposed tax benefits that have all gone away. Who knew I would get sick, lose everything, and not have anyone or any thing to fall back on at all.
Like many have said and thought............why me?
I have made many, many mistakes. Am I being punished? Why would GOD, (The way I choose to define the Universe.), hurt itself, after giving us the greatest gift of all, "FREE WILL." It makes no sense.
To get right to the point, I wake up every day, thinking the same "thoughts", with a feeling of complete unrest, unhappiness, and all the other words to explain the emptiness I feel. I don't have any more to say about it other than I want to hand it off to GOD, the Universe, Universal Mind. My question is this. How do I let go? Truly let go? I want to be free. Why do I keep on shouldering everything I do? We are all one?
There are no more words, analogies, sentences, or ways to explain. I know in my heart I want to continue looking within, turn to the inside, my heart and soul. I want to so badly. I don't know how.
If someone could answer the question of how to turn inside, to be ourselves, to just be, and could actually make it happen, it would help a lot of people. Is it possible to feel like I have never truly been me other than when I was younger. I have a medal I had made when I was a child. It says, "Keep That Winning Feeling!". I felt that "special feeling", and knew enough back then to recognize it and want to keep it. I have been chasing it ever since. I know it's LOVE.
Feel free to respond if you want to. As I said above, you are very well respected, and in my heart, you are someone who "gets it". Life, Love, whatever this is.
While writing this, a thought came to me that said the word, TRUTH. I have always looked to the outside, whether it was my mom, counselors, teachers, friends, stuff, etc. looking for direction. Not to get all wu wu, I would love answers from my GOD. How do I know it's TRUTH/WISDOM coming to me within?
Thank you for your time and I hope this makes some kind of sense.
I think ever since I discovered your teaching I discovered this knowing that everything is ok, even or especially when I was experiencing very difficult situations and feelings. Even in the middle of a breakdown or panicattack something inside of me remained calm and knew that I was ok. (this might sound like spiritual bypassing but it really didn't feel that way at all).
Last week I discovered a whole new level of panic attacks. I felt like I was going to choke (I'm not sure if that's the correct word in english. I am looking for the word of not being able to breath and dying from it). I was so scared that this would never stop, and that I would have to spend the rest of my life in this hell. Also it felt like I had to control those feelings, because if I wouldn't I probably would actually choke because of the panic-attack.
This feels very much like something I shouldn't write. I guess I feel very exposed..
And I am not sure what my question is. I just feel like I have lost my inner compass and have no idea how to go on from here. I would love to hear your perspective on this..
Thank you for replying to my question about ADHD a while back. I have a few follow up questions. Maybe a bit too many questions for a podcast question but I have finally structured this so am sending.
Do you feel that all relative distortion on a mental level is rooted in trauma and that it is important to understand what that that relative tauma was?
If we take Gabor Mate understanding of environmental circumstances as the source of the condition do we need to know the seed of the original trauma? Is working with the created beliefs and constructs enough to break up the illusions and effects created by the initial trauma which may well have happened preverbally and is unconscious?
In the mental health condition known and labelled as ADHD my understanding is that the environment/genetics have affected the way the brain develops and functions at an early age and this in turn affects our relative experience in many ways. The effects are particular ways of doing, thinking and behaving which the medical model calls a diagnosis. Is it healthy to want to change the experience of the relative with medication for this experience? I have come to accept that I would like to do this and have started on medication but at the same time I don't like taking medication everyday. The medication seems to be helpful in helping focus and continued attention with tasks. Accepting everything about me as it arises is also part of engaging with the healing part. The medication is giving me a clearing space and I am grateful for that. I feel a bit more realistic and clearer about everything and kinder to thoughts about thoughts.
Hi Clare,
This is a follow up to the podcast where a listener asked you to speak about what it's like for you.
Can you share more about when this exploration becomes fun and light?
thank you,
Please could you talk about a subject that you have probably addressed, directly or indirectly, a thousand times already – control!
I am tying myself in knots trying to formulate the question…
I get that trying to be in control IS the problem and keeps the illusion alive that we can be safe.
Because of this understanding I seem to have dropped the trying to be in control. This appears in many areas of my life, but one in particular is my behaviour around overeating/comforting, where I now feel totally out of control.
Am I using my understanding as an excuse to do whatever I want?
Where and how do I get to the place where my system does what is in its own best interests. And yet doesn’t it anyway?
You talked in a recent podcast about treating the body like a pet, giving it good food and exercise etc. But when I am out of control I don’t care about any of that, I am in full-on self destruct.
I hope you are able to extract from this what I don’t know how to ask!
That was a fantastic webinar just now. It's one of those concepts that I feel I really understand as a whole and I think I followed along with you pretty well but now that I've had time to ruminate on it all I have so many questions!!!
The main bit that is sticking with me and making me feel confused is around strong emotions and feelings. I understand how this concept could seriously help people suffering from depression, anxiety etc but what about the good stuff!? What about the amazing love I have for my kids and partner or my wonder at the nature I live in or my daughter's fierce love for her pony!! I felt terribly sad that that would become sort of devoid of meaning and irrelevant....if I was to constantly be in the 'absolute'.
I feel really interested in it all and I think I'd like to join this Wednesday's webinar - about helping others as I'm training to be a therapist.
To hear the webinar, click here
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/l892tmik8q92q3a/AACh_zFvhcv9drqC6gfWnsrXa?dl=0
Our greatest contribution to humanity is our awakening.
It is to literally leave the state of consciousness that the mass of humanity is in and discover the truth of our being, which is the truth of all beings.
Adyashanti
If thoughts create our reality what do we do because we do not choose our thoughts and we cannot change our thinking. What do we do to have a better experience. When in depression our thoughts are constantly awful, negative and dark.
When I was growing up my father was absent and my mother had mental health issues and problems with alcohol. We never had anyone over to the house and at school I was bullied and found it very hard to even talk to others let alone make friends. Now that I am an adult I am on good terms with people I work with but I don’t have a partner or any friends. I am lonely but I don’t know how to go about creating good relationships.
Thank you so much for all your wonderful courses. I know I'm not active in your groups but I listen to you every day and I'm loving the content. Life is better but without really being able to pinpoint why or what's changed. I feel lighter, relationships are more content, and generally life seems to flow better. So thank you.
I'm wondering if you can speak more about 'no separation'. At first I totally didn't get this concept because to the eye everything looks separate- and I assume we can all agree that there is an apparent reality of separate bodies and objects. Moving deeper in however, I'm beginning to understand the concept as in: nothing can exist outside of my perception- so moment to moment, life, and everything that happens, is being created from within me, and the life that this body-mind system is living is a playing out of its internal conditioning. Does that encapsulate it?
Thank you
PS. I know there's no 'I'. It's just so cumbersome writing 'body-mind system' all the time- and is it necessary?!! x
If you can speak to why experience shifts so radically from day to day in this exploration as ....it's perplexing. Yesterday was nearly a full day of in and out of suicide ideation, intense heat/pain/anguish and a deep desire to die. Then today somehow all of that was gone. I read an email a student sent that yesterday felt super attacking and led to a spiral of shame... to today it seeming more like information about what I could have done differently as an instructor to provide clarity. What's happening? Why is this so inconsistent? What happened from yesterday to today that the same content is not having the same level of intense reactivity?
Can you talk about how when it is reputation that is at stake this isn't physical harm?
For example if someone posts complaints about you on multiple sites in an attempt to attack your character, is this only identity when it is also has effects in the apparent form?
Being is totally whole just being. And it is alive and fleshy and sexy and juicy and immediately this; it’s not some concept about ‘there’s no-one here’. It’s not some concept about ‘there’s nowhere to go’. It’s the Aliveness that’s in that body right now. There is pure beingness, pure aliveness.
Tony Parsons
You say all words, actions and perceptions are results of the programme. Then you speak about intelligence meeting everything that arises. Is the programme playing when we only see the separate self and the intelligence when that dissolves or is it the same thing. Is the intelligence always meeting what arises but is veiled/limited by the program running? I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
I'm rewatching another video of the two of us speaking and my 'mind body system' is just talking and talking and talking
how do you listen so intently, is that you're focusing on the aliveness expressing and not the content?
I notice that much thoughts have some layers. The first layer is a negative self image. On top of that are thoughts that want to do something about this. To top it of there are thoughts like “I’ll never get over this etc”.
This morning I just sat with it. The first two layers dissolved until the negatieve self image. I continued to sit with it. Listened to it. There came thoughts like “I just feel so sad”. And then I felt all the sensations in the body (and cried). There was no urge to manage something or make the feelings go away. I feel lighter now.
Is this what you mean with getting real? Or is this an perfect example of someone who is totally lost in the woods of his own thinking?
Reason for asking this is a confusion about “it is just thought”. Because this very often used sentence implies that a negative self image is just thought and that someone don’t have to feel it / look at it / be bothered. On the other hand that feels like spiritual bypassing to me. Because the negative self image looks very real to me.
I have been listening to your podcast lately. I worked with a coach hoping for change around habits of overeating. And I have seen so many changes in many areas of my life but not in the area I was hoping for.
I read on your website that you make subliminal recordings. It sounds so interesting. Is this something that could help me with this habit? I can see that there are so many layers to this habit. Using food to numb feelings I do not like, and the vicious circle of thought that repeats day after day.
How do the recordings work? Is it a meditation? Do you keep listening to the recording until there is a change?
Hi Clare.I would really like to talk about meaning and why this planet exists at all. We come with nothing and we leave with nothing and in between it is our “purpose” to know who/what we are and then what? Madeleine Albright (just an example) died not long ago - what was her purpose? Did anything she accomplished matter at all? Creating a new world, but what should that look like then and does it even matter? Is this world simply to unveil us?
If you were an all-powerful, all-knowing consciousness, you could never know sadness, loss, anxiety, surprise, or the excitement of not knowing what will happen next. An all-knowing consciousness could not enjoy jokes or cry at tragedies. By playing the game, consciousness delights in every experience possible, and the only way to do that is for it to lose itself in us.
In the same way that a glass of water is exponentially more satisfying after a five-mile hike in the desert, the experience of feeling the interconnectedness of everything is more fulfilling after the illusion of separation. This is the fun of the game. This is the fun of waking up.
I made a quite funny and interesting observation about the change of your spreaking rhythm over time.
I listen backwards to your podcast while driving from the day on I found it, and I also listen to the daily actual one. So now I am in Oktober 2020. I listened to the new one and immediately after I took the old one on where I left it and there I heard how your speaking rhythm has immensily changed.
In the old on you had a lot more abruptness and acceleration, like rushing and doing sudden changes, and in the actual one there is a lot more evenness and decceleration, like there is more relaxation and more indulging in time.
It was beautiful to notice the development. I hope this doesn't offend you, for me it was so revealing how change can be seen.
I am suffering severe depression and anxiety at the moment. Nothing helps and I cannot pull myselfout of it. I sleep 18 - 20 hours a day and am still tired when awake. I find it hard to wash. I don’t want to exist like this anymore. I’m on a lot of medication from my Psychiatrist and I tried therapy which didn’t help as i was too I’ll to engage. I know what you speak of touches me, it feels like truth.
The other part of the question is: is the shift happening in our programmed mind or is it something deeper? Some people describe a shift which seems like an experience of the formless. What is really shifting? I love that you show the logic in this because that is very helpful for me. At the same time I wonder if the shift is also of a formless happening which can be difficult to put into words. Sometimes it has been powerful for me to have a deeper understanding of the formless, and then it seems like the form is dissolving. If we concentrate on the form and the thinking it seems like we sometimes can be more trapped in it and there is more focus on the activity of the mind. What are your thoughts about this?
Lately you have been speaking in podcasts and webinars about understanding the selfing and the separate self and how all suffering is because we do not understand that there is no I controlling, choosing and doing. This is really starting to make sense for me and I understand why you want to make this point clear. You have mentioned words like: hopeless, no other way, impossible, no genuine rest, sickness etc to describe what happens when we do not see/understand this. And the thing is; at least for me, it takes time to see this. My question is partly; other people who have experienced a big shift/enlightenment have used other words and concepts to describe it. I wonder if it is helpful to use those words (to be categorical) about consequences of not seeing this? I am thinking it might be possible to have a shift through other "routes" to reality/truth and maybee therefore not helpful to use such strong words? Some people also talk about the difference in where we talk from (the understanding and the experience of it) and what we speak to (the conceptual mind or the formless space). I feel that you do that to a great extent but sometimes lately maybee pointing more to what people do not understand and the hopelessness of that?
I am currently on your Rest course and a member of your community. I have been listening to you for about 2 years now and really love your work and descriptions of the reality of human life. I came to find you from being in Nicola Birds ALPOM community for about 5 years.
I am find that although my body mind understands you perfectly, this understanding has not drop into reality. When i first found Nicola Bird it was at a time when my husband had died of cancer and then 3 months later my brother and only sibling committed suicide. I inherited my husbands business , which i had absolutley no experience of at all and my life felt and still to a lesser degree, felt very insecure. During my childhood i was tramatised by my Mums own insecure behaviour which i now see set up a beleif in myself of fear and shame, having to keep myself small in relationships, plactating to keep myself safe and others happy with me so as they would still like/love me and not be angry with me.
It is only just recently that i have seen these traumas/wounds as being present. My response to my husbands and brothers deaths was to press on. and try and keep my kids, my brothers kids and parents going and at the same time navigate a business i knew nothing about, all happening from the beliefs of my lack which i took on as a child. Anxiety and fear ruled! Being part of this community has helped, but i can feel and hear my frustration at not coming to a deeper place within this conversation.
Am just so tired of all the fear and my family are now finding my low moods and anxiety wearing and i am a worry to them. My lack of faith in myself or anything else can sometimes be very heavy for them.
I would be so grateful for any suggestions and thank you so much for all your work it really is so affirming even if i then go straight back to my belief system, it is a releif to be imursed in your words for that time that i am listening.
Thank you so much for your response to my question about generational domestic abuse. (May 27th) I'm listening to it again and again.
I think I'm beginning to see more of what you're pointing to.
After I separated from my children's dad, I went as "no contact" as was possible, but even the tiny bit of communication we had was fraught with fear from my side and anger from his.
I spent so much time attempting to forgive and release him and myself and yet it was only when I had a beautiful moment of clarity that everything changed.
I saw so clearly that we were both innocent.
I saw that he had done the very best he could. That if he could have possibly done better he would have.
And I saw the same for myself. All the blame and guilt fell away. Grace and peace were left and I fell into a space of such love. Love and acceptance for him, for us and for the life we had created.
A miracle happened without anything changing on the outside because from that moment on, our communication has been respectful and gentle. He hasn't changed. His relationship with our children and with his second wife hasn't changed but
He and I can meet and there is only peace and kindness. When I see an old pattern begin to surface ...That's all it is. Something to see, I have no judgement on it or interaction with it .... it passes and is gone. No more games.
This shift has already changed much in how I see my children and others and listening to your beautiful answer to my question about my son and daughter in law shows me the direction to look in. It is clear to me that that there is more to see. There is more to sit with. There is more to Love.
So I think my question is ...
When I feel the pain, judgement, worry, fear rising is that where I look? Allowing the feelings to have full space in my body? I get hazy here so if you can say more to this I'd be so grateful.
I'm reading your book Well, and listening to you every day.
Thank you, Clare, from the bottom of my heart.
Can you talk a bit more about how experiencing emotions is not the same thing as suffering?
If we take grief as an example - it would seem that the system learns grief as a way to support the body's need for resources. We aren't expecting grief to go away once it's learned that there's no self. So when does grief transition into suffering?
I've listened to your podcast on "What do you mean by feel the feelings that arise". Can you give any pointers on how to do this when you're in the middle of situations where it seems like this isn't possible. For example, I've been trying to go deep into the body when I have panic, or panic attacks at work. This results in a sort of confusion as to what I'm doing at work as the focus isn't on the task at hand and I'm kind of out of it in terms of the job flow. Do we just do the best we can? I'm thinking of your public speaking situations. If you ever do get uncomfortable any more, are you able to go into the body and still stay on track?
Thanks Clare,
I don't know why this is so difficult for me. I do ask the questions about what I am etc and everything you point to makes sense and yet the" I" still hangs tight.
I wonder if you can speak a bit about readiness you often mention in the context of being ready for this sort of conversations? It looks like the system presettles itself so the experiences arised in the body can be felt, questioned, looked at and it doesn't look so frightening anymore.
I hope you are keeping well... I love all your work and pointings to who we truly are..it's been so helpful....
I wanted to ask you what is it like for you living from a place of openness and surrender... What does it feel like to let life live you? I know you said it wasn't always like that for you, especially around speaking up at meetings and the anxious feelings that arose from being in certain situations..
How has life changed for you? Do you still experience your conditioning and learned behaviours or are they only very faint and in the background...how do I get out of my own way?
I'm curious as I'm exactly as you used to be afraid to speak up at meetings and shy away from public speaking as my face goes bright red and I basically say the bare minimum 😊...
It's ironic really that I ended up in an organisation that is all about marketing, a lot client facing and surrounded by Uber confident people who can speak off the cuff.. I really feel like a fish out of water and have ended up where I am as I had no clue of my true nature and what my heart really longed for..
Apologies for the long winded email and so many questions!
I heard another non-dual teacher mention the intense friction that we experience when our thoughts and feelings clash.
The statement really resonated but I haven't got a clue why.
Could you have a go at speaking to this?
I was recently triggered by a conversation with a friend and 'I' have been unable to let it go since.
I am meeting up with her again. 'I' want to put it all behind me, move on, whilst at the same time wanting her to see where she is wrong, how hurt I was, in short I want to control the whole situation!
I know that 'all' I have to do is notice everything that is going on, bringing awareness to it, without having to do anything to 'fix' it.
But how do I sit with something that is so thought based? How do I sit with the feelings when they are only there because of my thinking?
Is it simply noticing all that? Of course the I wants it all to go away, so I notice that too?
REST by Alex Sooting-Kim Pang. The Sunday Book
Listener question
I've been listening to the book Rest more today and it is bringing up a question. I wonder if you would consider it for the podcast?
The book seems to suggest that our ideas about creativity are wrong and that what is really needed is a slow pace to life and space for play in order to allow the subconscious to do what it does best; that contrary to the dogma that we should work harder, creative genius is a product of this more restful existence.
This is where I get stuck. It seems that everything is stacked against us here (as the book also points out). Almost everyone I know feels overworked. There is an apparent reality to a hypermodern demanding non-stop world?
If everything 'out there' is created in this conscious space does this mean that this apparent busyness and overwork are sort of an illusion? That if it makes sense to the system then choices will be made to opt out of that somehow and and choices to remain in the 'rat race' happen because it makes sense based on beliefs?
I can increasingly feel myself opting out of this as a result of this conversation...finding space where I believed there to be none, but I also find myself back in the middle of it regularly.
The notion of a separate organism is clearly an abstraction, as is also its boundary. Underlying all this is unbroken wholeness even though our civilization has developed in such a way as to strongly emphasize the separation into parts.
David Bohm
I recently became aware of how deeply domestic abuse is rooted in my family. As I'm reading See what you made me do.
7 years ago I left a marriage of 22 years of crazy abuse, and now I'm watching the cycle repeat itself with my eldest son and his wife.
I don't know what to do. She is very much in the place of protecting him and justifying the abuse. I have tried to broach it before but if I bring it up with her she will most probably tell him and it will backfire and hurt her more.
It will also alienate her from me and make it more difficult to help her in the long run.
I have thought of giving my son the book
"See what you made me do" and asking him to read it.
That may make it worse too.
I'm feeling confused between understanding the relative truth and the truth in this situation. I don't want to fall into spiritual bypass either.
I'm also wanting to see more deeply into what's really going I here so I can help clients in similar positions.
Can you help me shed some light on this please Clare.
All this talk in the REST course of sitting with discomfort and feeling what is asking to be felt has made me realize that I really haven’t a clue how exactly to do this.
From my earliest childhood I remember my emotions were problematic for my mother who often told me, “Don’t be like that.” I could see my emotions were frequently in turn annoying or too needy or overwhelming or terrifying for her to deal with. My father, while kind, was mostly emotionally absent in my life.
Having no real role models for dealing with feelings, I turned to food at a young age and still use it to numb and cope.
Another strategy I’ve employed my whole life is to journal about feelings.
Now when I hear you talk about exploring the edges of the identified mind’s comfort zones, I’m wondering how exactly to do this?
When I try to sit with feelings I find myself trying to name them and narrating the experience. Or I write about them and similarly find myself involved with choosing the closest labels. Inevitably this leads to writing words that invent and describe the psychology of the system, complete with numerous finger-pointing stories.
Intuitively this feels more removed than what you’re describing. That the words are a dodge, a movement away from feeling them.
It is a little embarrassing to ask, but what do you mean by and how to feel the feelings that arise? How are they witnessed when they’ve been blocked out by the system for most of my life? I would appreciate any pointers you could offer.
I‘m wondering about something.. over the next two months there are many different projects coming up, that need preparation. It seemed to me that it should be possible to handle everthing and to be prepared well.. but now I‘m sick and my body is in so much pain that it feels like I can‘t do the work that should get done..
In my mind it looks like, the only way out of it would be if one of the projects would be moved to a later date.. it looks so real but what makes me suspicios about it is that it looks so much like the ONLY way out of it and i guess out of my pain..
I‘m on your REST course and have been listening to the subliminal a couple of times..
it seems to me that there is so much in the topic of rest for me that I can‘t see yet.. also it seems to be my thing to get sick or to be in pain when there is a lot to get done..
Is it possible that all of this is a reaction to the subliminal or to being confronted with those copingmechanisms?
Sorry for this long question, i think it shows how confused I am 🙈
I loved todays blog on mental health and the accompanying podcast (19th May).
I understand that we cannot control our thinking, but what about changing/choosing the thoughts we focus on?
I seems to me that “I” do do have some control over that or am I imagining that?
https://claredimond.com/loneliness-mental-health/
I always find “no doer” confronting but I did feel resonance with the very end of the talk that even self inquiry might be doomed until the doer is made more transparent. As you know, I struggle with the Witness as I find that term to be nihilistic. An entity or process that just observes is passive with no power.
The truth is I rarely see this logic that you say is so obvious. I am aware that motor functions occur before the conscious mind is even aware, yet the artificial intelligence movement has created machines with far less power than the brain that do take responsibility for actions based on sensors. Maybe that metaphor fits your dialog also, but the obvious logic is really not obvious (I had this problem throughout HOME as well).
I suppose my greatest problem with “no doer” is that it requires Faith that in giving up the doer all of this wonderful accountability and Wisdom will appear to align the mind and body to its greatest good (healthy behaviors, compassion, happiness for no cause, etc,). This has always been my only obstacle to fully understanding Syd Banks remarkable teachings, which you know I view as life-saving for me.
What is the evidence for this Faith? What is the evidence that this Wisdom and accountability that appears will protect the doer as best as it can be done so the doer can let go. Or if we don’t have any evidence, how does one actually take the leap?
Today’s ‘how should I listen’ podcast finds me excited.
Excited enough to return to exploring what is true.
Yet what does that truly mean?
The Work of Byron Katie starts with questioning ‘is it true?’
I get that. It’s crystal clear.
Please can you dive deep into what exactly you mean by “Just listening to see what’s true. That’s all.”
…And how exactly do I/we do this?
Thank you. 💎🙏🏼💙
'YOU need to change YOUR thinking!'
This is something we hear and read quite often. What is true in it, if anything?
Can you clarify the difference in terminology between the 3 principles and nonduality/advaita, by use of a metaphor (for example the ocean and the waves, or the movie and the screen)?
I am on my second round of Home and really getting something from it slowly and surely. It’s like so many little YES moments. Little snippets of truth that i recognise as such. But … I’m having traditional therapy for the first time and really enjoying it. Is there benefit, alongside this, for the ‘I’ to examine the avator self to examine the conditioning to bring it into the light ? I find it interesting to see the links my brain has made and why but does this drag me more into the brambles and less into seeing that it’s all made up?
Would appreciate your view !
You asked me what was driving the need to understand - for the mind to understand what you were sharing. It stopped me in my tracks because up until this point I had understood that the tension I perceived was being created from the mind trying to grasp something it can never grasp, was the indicator to let go. What you pointed to was that it was no problem that the mind wanted to understand but it was the underlying reason for needing to understand.
And it came to me this morning. I need to understand because of what's on offer that I don't already (perceive) that I have. Ultimate peace, relaxation, sleep, trust, unconditional love. In everything you share there is the perceived message that once the mind is no longer identified life will be amazing. So obviously I want that and therefore have the need to understand.
Intellectually I know what you are pointing to - that we are that already. But right now, where I am, it doesn't feel like that and hence the minds desire to understand!
Does that make sense? I don't know what the question is except how does seeing what the need to understand is about, help?
I have a question about conditioning. If I understand correctly, we are all like robots acting according to whatever programs were learned along the way until we come to learn more about who we really are. Then gradually (or all at once those lucky ducks!) the navigation system shifts out of this programming and more and more life is lived as LIfe, Love or the space of awareness etc. My question is that when the conditioning is seen, but doesn't fall away and is not serving the body mind, is it because there's still some belief in it being true, or that it's very persistent and takes time to do so? Maybe focusing on the conditioning is the wrong direction to look? I feel like I'm stuck with this robot and this is my life.
One thing remains a bit of a mystery (Well, not just one, but this is flavor of the day!). Why does the identified mind continue to feel the compulsion to pounce on us with anxieties and concerns the moment we open our eyes in the morning? It doesn’t make a lot of sense. I can’t speak for my friend, but for my part I generally surrender to sleep with thoughts of gratitude for the day that I have had the delight of experiencing. Sleep comes easily. I sleep well. Morning arrives without the jarring voice of an alarm. Instead, my thoughts seem to feel compelled to slap me awake. I know it was not always like this. As a child one springs from bed full of joy and eager to greet the day. Since resistance what is is what holds a pattern in place, I guess the better question is why do I object to being slapped awake by my identity? I just do.
I understand that the concept of good and bad are just that, and the identity is fixed in place, through this process.
So, if I was in this scenario, and purposely change the words with no reference to "you're good", who is taking control there?
Who makes the change? Is it is something to do with prior conditioning or does the identity have some ability to affect change?
As you have said before to try and answer our own questions....
So, what came up is - Is it the identity trying not to do something wrong, or to correct itself, which I guess would come from some conditioning? Is the identity and conditioning the same thing, I think maybe? However, I may be seeing conditioning and identity as separate, in a way that "I have conditioning". I think that change happens from new thinking but can't see it in this situation. I am getting a bit lost there.
My biggest problem right now is that I feel like I'm in a prison that I can't get out of. Things that people take for granted like having a shower have become very difficult for me and whatever I do doesn't seem good enough.
My adult children are suffering because they are trying to help me but are frustrated because I'm not doing anything to help myself eg eat healthy food and exercise.
I seem to have no desire to do anything at all.
I seem to be very lazy and also incompetent and I don't know what to do about it. If I can't start looking after myself I'm afraid of what my future will be. I could very well end up on the streets and so could my children, especially my son. I'm living with my elderly parents in a rented house and I'm not doing a good job of looking after myself and spend most of my time doing nothing except lying on my bed, walking up and down the hallway, eating or watching a couple of quiz shows on TV.
It's a very insecure, confusing and frightening place to be.
My son came back from Europe to try to help me and is so disappointed and frustrated because no matter what he says and how hard he tries to motivate me, he can't see me trying to help myself at all. My daughter had a baby 7 months ago and I haven't been able to be the support she would have liked and I'm not the Nana I think I should be.
I feel very separate, lonely and isolated.
How can I move forward?
There are so many reasons why I'm struggling right now but others eg my son just think I'm making excuses for why I'm not doing what I "should" be doing.
I have no desire to do anything, which is a real worry for me.
I'm currently under the mental health act here in NZ and am taking medication for anxiety and depression.
I've done my best to explain what's going on with me but I don't believe you or anyone can fully understand what I'm going through.
I don't know what I want from you or if there's anything you can say or do to help but I'm reaching out anyway.
I wonder if I am a special case, the exception to the rule and maybe there's no hope for me.
As you know I lost my husband at the end of last year. I found you just after that.
In the grief, the pain, the loss, the sadness, the heartache, the fear, the insecurity and situations that I have now to face without my reference point my soul mate I have never before been in the reality of life as I am now.
I have come to understand that I have Spiritually bypassed and denied so much of life.
The courses and books you write are showing me this. I am feeling and being present like never before.
I also have been pushing away physical symptoms of illness for many years because I have so much conditioned ideas about ‘it’s my thinking, if only I could change my thinking, it’s all my fault if I didn’t think this way, eat this way, was more spiritual I wouldn’t have this illness. I took it so personally and so much shame and blame showed up.
And punishing myself for all that was happening to me, taking it all personally because that’s what some spiritual teaches brought to me. So I spent years trying to fix the broken me with everything I could and then when it didn’t work blame shame game again.
My understanding through you is becoming so much clearer. I have sought medical advice because in the quietness of mind activity that’s what came up and I acted on it.
So in spiritual bypassing damage has been caused to my joints because I ignored the symptoms.
Sorry I have wondered a bit.
So I was wondering if you could talk a bit more on spiritual bypass.
Sending lots of love your way and so much gratitude to you.
I have a question about the difference between depression, numbness, and what you sometimes call 'intelligence'. Life has been hard recently. Sometimes I have felt some relief, when the stories about what 'should' be drop away and there is just the bareness and rawness of what is there. The thing is that I don't know whether this is 'me' seeing through the stories of the self, or just giving up and lapsing into a kind of numbness or spiritual bypassing, since when it happens it feels like a kind of relief, which suggests it may just be another escape? How do you know the difference?
I hope my questions makes some sense. It is hard to articulate.
Hi Clare,
I am still listening to your daily podcasts. Each time I take a break I am drawn back and catch up. Sometimes the understanding lands and sometimes I just listen.
Going through an interesting period of change this Spring. This quote of yours, taken from a webinar, helped me though the past two years of pandemic uncertainty. Please can you open up about these wonderful words in a May podcast.
You point out that every time the mind creates a thought that is then believed to be about the "me", so awareness becomes identified with that thought, the body will resist this.
So any time there is this resistance, this repellent pushing away of one of these thoughts, (for example "people won't like me if they know me") this is a signal that the mind is believing something of its own creation.
And when you say the thought isn't true you don't mean that the suffering isn't valid, that it's not true that we feel bad when that thought is believed, right?
You're saying that what's not true is the idea that what we are is this limited thought...
And the brain is just spitballing with its creative ideas - and then believing what is basically narrative noise.
What's harder to see here is that we are the awareness behind the thought, that witnesses the thought.
Can you say more about this thought not being true?
I really enjoyed the GOLD course and feel like I have gotten a lot out of it, but in a surprising, to me, indirect way. While I’m not without plenty of money issues, this is not my most pressing concern.
The gift of this course for me has been that, as I watched the lessons, a distance, a space, a measure of objectivity, opened for me . As you discussed untangling money from the self-identified mind, over and over I heard money as a metaphor for anything the mind uses to seek security, worth, love, etc. You spoke of money, and I heard this as a metaphor for how this body/mind uses food and weight.
So I’ve journaled and been curious about the feelings and thoughts around food/weight which has really been ramping up the more I explore the body/mind system with a rollercoaster mix of urgency and compassion.
Where I’m really confused and what I’m asking for help with, is how to formulate a “clean” action plan, as it were, around food. I’ve been on and in rebellion of so many diet plans my entire life and my mind is full of contradictory science, labels and rules.
I love how at the end of the GOLD Day 5 lesson there is a clean action plan for money. Could you offer me pointers on how to formulate something similar for approaching food? I sense I need something back in alignment with body needs for health, but am at a loss for how to proceed. I feel like I’m almost there, but it’s just out of reach and I need a nudge or pointer.
Thanks so much for all your sharing and love.
If the idea of me is based and built on conditioned beliefs why do we concentrate on it, why do many people teach to change the idea of a me. Why not look at the flowing of energy and knowing that the energy just flows and there is no identification that is real. The identification stems from conditioned beliefs that just are not true.
I want something to do about it.
I just don't want to be like this anymore. But I'm scared I'm in too deep, creating an unhappy life. I saw I was doing it, but was too scared, fear, guilt. As if I can, could not admit. I guess I have to protect something.
I'm so tensed in my jaws, mouth.
I think a story of guilt, fear is playing around, keeping things in place. Guilt is a big one. (a lot of thinking about relation, work)
I'm disappointed that I have become like this, creating this story, mess.
How can I see beyond that it's not me.
Why would I do this to myself. Going against life. It's almost rage.
A crazy story
I have been studying 3P for two years now. Via a podcast by Nicola Bird I found your book REAL. Read it, like it. But two weeks ago I read it again and it hit me like a brick. I have read many 3P books, and I understand it. But now all of sudden it saw it on a next and deeper level. So I joined your one month program.
And strangely enough (I am at day 6 now) most of it is over my head. The videos and the live talk. I like it, but what are they saying? But in your book I understand almost everything. Feel and see it deeply, I can feel the peace. What's the difference? Listening to your program gives me a good feeling. That's what you should look for Syd Banks said. Should I listen to it like music. Without trying to understand and enjoy the ride? That's the thing to do now? Hope you can give me a small hint 😊
'See what you made me do. Power, control and domestic abuse' by Jess Hill. The Sunday Book
I noticed how much of my life I'm navigating from my feelings. How I'm deciding to do or not to do something (for a example call a person on phone) on the basis how I feel in that moment. Even considering myself confident or not confident is perceived or judged from my feeling. I guess this is a part of my conditioning. I also loved your explanation on a HOME course how this learned system is corresponding with circumstances and others moment by moment. I understand this as
taking actions and behaviours away from pain towards the pleasure to benefit the system, which is totally arbitrary thing for each of us. It looks like there is hierarchy inside the system choosing actions and behaviours moment by moment in correspondence with what is learned.
Do you you have any thoughts on that? Are we somehow recalibrating our systems with this new understanding?
Thank you for the money course. The first two days have really got me thinking about how my relationship with money has developed and is now represented by the word itself. I can also see how it is so closely entwined with the identity, of who I am, whether or not I am worthy or responsible.
Day 3, no self-accountability was different. Although I have heard of this before in previous courses, the accountability part resonates but the no self part is very grey. It highlights how this identity still believes itself to be real.
My question is, does the fact that I the self is tied up with protection in others areas eg. health, mean that money and NS-A are unable to be free? I guess that I'm questioning whether it's all or nothing?
I wonder if you can help me... I was introduced to the 3ps a few years ago and took a deep dive into them.
My coach has been pointing to the idea of non duality, and I can feel there is something for me to see here.
I'm intrigued to say the least. What do you see is the difference (if any), between the understanding of the principles and non duality and where do these understandings overlap?
Once again just when I think I have got my head around this conversation there is a podcast that makes me want to yell at you!
I do see that there is often a reflection out there of something in myself when I judge others.
Is this true EVERY time we judge others? What about Hitler??
Surely I don’t have to look at myself when there is such hideous behaviour.
I am kind of dreading and also looking forward to your response as I am sure there is more for me to see…
Thank you fo always making us look at ourselves!
Repressed feeelings of abandonment keep surfacing again and again and there is confusion spiritually.. do I stay with them and the thoughts arising or look from awareness? Sometimes I stay as the feelings and it’s very uncomfortable and sometimes I see them from afar. Then there’s overthinking about how to deal with it all and even as I say that it sounds crazy like who is trying to do that?
Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”
― Mary Oliver
Can you say more about the idea of self centeredness qualities when there is no self?
There is a best friend of my partner's who this mind judges as cheap, selfish, know it all, and self centered. Which of course is just a reflection of how I am being...or rather what this system does based on what is believed. And the same is true for him.
There is resistance to not liking him, to feeling these judgments. Resisting them makes it worse. Beyond noticing this system flip flopping in pretending to like him out of politeness and likely being a jerk...what is there to see?
Thank you,
I am probably someone who keeps things, mysery in place, especially hurtful thinking, living, that I don't recognize it anymore etc.
Or I am just to scared to do something about , acknowledge it. Or don't care.
New or nice things are not allowed, I can't or don't know how to enjoy that anymore. Or if I feel it, it's not important, enough etc. or I numb. (automatically).
For me it almost means 'that's just how I am' , sometimes it feels I am' killing', destroying myself, giving up.
In a way I feel like a lost person. Asking, talking to people but no change. Listening, reading, sometimes a bit of relief. Tired of it. (you will probably say, I am not..)
Maybe I am too defensive, controlling, protecting. That I don't want to change.
When I ask 'what's at stake', nothing is I guess.
The high tone in my head is not helping it's there all the time, never quiet.
Feeling like a robot quite often because of this, probably all thinking.
I don't know what I am asking, I guess I just want to share, vent.
I guess I am scared..
When you say "that's why we're here" I just can't seem to get on with the video, my mind is just too intrigued by this as it sounds like you say we have "a purpose" on this earth. Could you maybe please elaborate?
I’m writing you because I am desperate. Since the days before 3P, when I was in a constant state of desperation, living from one therapy session to another, I haven’t been so desperate. It feels like total regression.
I reached a point of total hopelessness. You say it’s something good, but it feels just awful. I took your advice and let the topic of weight loss rest for the duration of the Home course. This showed me a total unhappiness I am living in, like being totally separated from life. Or maybe I cannot be separate from life, but I don’t want the things life gives me, I fight with them, and I can’t stop myself from fighting. My whole day is a fight and desperation and not wanting to.
It's like realising in what dark place I was living all the time, now not being able to paint over it with hope and looking for a good feeling or looking for the innate wellbeing. Is there even such a thing, or is this just another nice sounding concept?
And yes, I want this to go away, and you say, this is what keeps it in place. I get that, so here again no hope at all, because how could I honestly not want the suffering to go away? I can’t imagine.
I don’t even have a question, because the only thing I would want now is for all this to go away and for me to finally be happy. And this is the suffering.
I also would like to understand something, but it seems to me that I just don’t get anything. I don’t know what is true, well what I wrote is true for me at the moment. And this other truth you talk about, I don’t know what this is, I don’t know what this would even help, if I am an entity controlled by a program. The more I think about it, the more it gets confusing.
If the system does what the system does, and only an understanding of the system might change the system or not, who does this understanding, and if there is no self, who has this conversation anyway, and what is there to be seen anyway? It seems to me I understand nothing. All I know is there is this heaviness in the body and tears.
Thank you for reading, it’s good to have someone to write to.
I recently had my second child and am struggling with the demands of life with two small children. My question is about parenting: what is it about this relationship that it can bring up so much suffering? What do you think this understanding can offer to parents in particular? I was also wondering if you would ever offer a course specifically aimed at parents as I feel there is so much to explore there. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
The images of the unconscious place a great responsibility upon a man. Failure to understand them, or a shirking of ethical responsibility, deprives him of his wholeness and imposes a painful fragmentariness on his life.
Carl Jung
I'm working my way through the course and I'm finding it to be a combination of enlightening and overwhelming-sometimes both at the same time!!
As a result of meditation(which is something that you never refer to, which I found surprising), I'm aware of my thoughts, and I often "catch myself" during the day.
I sometimes get the sense that I'm watching myself think, but wonder if this is one part of the mind watching another part of the mind, or if that's the witness that you refer to.
I suppose my question is, once I finish the course, where to next? I say this while knowing that I spent a lot of my life being "somewhere else" , or thinking that once I get somewhere I will be happy
I know what I want( an end to suffering(worry & anxiety) and a sense of direction) but from listening to your course/podcasts etc, you seem to suggest letting things be and the universe will sort out the rest.
To make long story short I purchased something online and had to be assembled. The instructions were confusing and they didn't answer the phone and my husband who was trying to build it got very angry. He had other things going on this week and I think this was his boiling point.
All my life I have had a trigger about anger and both my husbands have had anger issues. In the past I would numb out and do anything to not have the anger affect me, get defensive, angry back, and afterward do anything to distract myself from sitting with the bad feelings. This time I stayed calm and told him I would send it back but after I felt gut punched and it took awhile to get peace back. I realized after listening to your video I was doing anything to escape the feelings even diving into 3P.
It wasn't the situation with the assembly, I knew it might cost money if seller refused to take back, but I was more upset and fearful of my husbands anger and just like in your video #2 where you say it happens over and over again, that has been the pattern all my life and I am 65!
I found out about 3P year and half ago in a senior course at local university and now a few of us from that course started a weekly discussion group a few months ago and that has really changed my life.
So far what it sounds like you are saying is to sit with the emotional pain and feelings and explore what they mean. In the past if I try to sit with feelings or journal them the thoughts about the situation send me down the rabbit hole and instead of seeing wisdom it gets worse.
So I am not understanding how you can sit in pain and be comfortable with that?
When the identity is struggling to survive I am noticing a yucky feeling especially when conversing with others as if I am trying to bolster my identity and then I reflect back on the conversation and feel double yucky.
Hi lovely Clare, your video on generational healing was so timely for me. I recently met a homeopath for my son. She was very intuitive and told me that his 'autism' is not really autism but rather a result of generational trauma! She said in order for him to heal that I need to go into long term therapy to have someone connect me back to my heart space and my feelings. She said I am traumatised and emotionally disconnected and this has been passed down from my parents/grandparents etc due to holocaust stuff which is all over my family from both sides where everyone was completely traumatised and on the run. And that now I am on the run and cant settle anywhere. And this is why my son cant develop because he is too busy coping with such a chaotic environment. Everything she said felt so true.
Would you agree that I need to feel all the pain (my own and that of past generations) in order to heal?? Must I really go sit in therapy for months and feel the pain ?! It feels like the answer is yes and I do feel like I am in constant fight flight barely keeping things together. And it feels like so much sadness does need to be felt and expressed. But Im so confused and really dont want to get caught up in stories. What is true here? Is it just to feel the emotions from an impersonal perspective? Feel the raw feeling without getting attached to any story? This feels like it would be almost impossible. I would love your view on this!
I know that a lot of suffering is caused by the future imaginations of the mind. If I understood properly, you suggested that not avoiding things and meeting reality with whatever shows up will reveal and heal. What if this doesn't seem to be happening. I don't avoid things as it's work related so it seems that I can't, and I keep having the same experience. The revealing part is showing up, but I don't think any healing is happening. I have a suspicion that you might say something about resistance, but how does one go into the body and meet the emotions in that moment when there's a job to be done. When I focus on my own sensations in this situation, they seem to get worse, which is really the last thing that's needed at that moment.
Should you really open your eyes and see, you would behold your image in all images. And should you open your ears and listen, you would hear your own voice in all voices.
Khalil Gibran
If you get a chance, I’d love it if you could say more about something I hear in the first wholeness video. You said that’s when something has happened and we say ‘I’m ok with it now’ we aren’t. If there is still an ‘it’ we are not done.
This feels really cool and important somehow but I can’t put my finger on it. So, for example, with sleep I have felt and said on numerous occasions that I’m ok with not sleeping and the issues it caused me BUT this is the same as saying I’m not ok with it 😂🙃I was still seeing it as a problem that I overcame.
I think what your saying is that if ‘it’ is still seen as a ‘problem’ or even as a ‘thing’ then we are just on the flip side of the coin again.
When it becomes ‘no thing’ it just isn’t there to be ok or not ok with….
Hope that’s makes sense…probably not!
Something keeps popping into my head and I am hoping you can shed some light on it. Hopefully I will be able to explain what the question is. I have an understanding through your teachings that we really don’t have any control over the future – that we are life experiencing itself. That life happens from moment to moment. I also keep hearing in the spiritual world about manifestation… about being able to manifest your future. I am wondering if I have some missing understanding here as this is confusing. One of these statements somewhat contradicts the other? I am probably spending too much time ’thinking and trying to work this out and hence not hearing the answer’, so I wondered if you would be able to unpick this and make any sense of it?
Have you experience in working with people who have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. I’m looking for some support. I am a student of non duality for over 10 years. I’m struggling to deal with the nuts and bolts of life with this condition. I was diagnosed six years ago when I was 54 years old after having read Gabor Mates book. I would like to know your thoughts. Many thanks.
First off I want to express my profound gratitude for you and for the HOME course. The videos, the subliminals, the webinars, the FB page, interactions with other participants have all been revelatory. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
My question: I've been loving the subliminals. With the first one I felt some, for lack of a better description, movement in the body/mind. But as I became acclimated to it I found I could play it and subsequent ones pretty much all the time and could even fall asleep with them playing.
But the last two, peace and even more so with love, I've had very strong reactions so that I could not fall asleep with them on. While they played, as the love one is playing now, I feel a strong kind of buzzing energy in the middle of my forehead. I feel them physically. This puzzles me.
In moments of connection and expansion, there is always a sense of both of these, love and peace. And I would expect (Oh, oh -- an expectation) that love and peace would not be challenging or confrontational or cause the ripples I feel. I would think (!) they would be soothing and calming.
Although it's not imperative that I understand why, I'm wondering why this is so. Can you/would you explain?
Some comments on this article:
https://claredimond.com/hopelessness-of-hope/
"I’ve got to say it’s the very toughest absence as a clinician to work with someone who is hopeless. "
"Or being the person without hope it’s almost impossible to see around it at the time."
"Without some differentiation some readers may miss the great message because they may feel you are saying we are helpless pawns unable to change the world."
I'm seeing a person I care about struggling. Seeing the world as against them. Playing out the patterns of their childhood. There are urges to point out where this person is getting things 'wrong'. And maybe to be their 'saviour' even. I see that ideas of me...and them are all over this ...
It's confusion. For sure.
Starting here, I can look to the ways that I do this? Does this mean not challenging the thinking of others? Ever? I want to ask if it's wrong to try to share the things this conversation has shown me (even though I know that question in itself containx the confusion)
The confusion is suggesting to me that this whole dilemma is created from the idea of self and other
Much of what you write seems to touch on the illusion of the self and how this is the source of a good number of our problems. However, I think I can differentiate between two 'selves': there's the 'fictional' self which is the one which creates either hypothetical future scenarios (about which we can scare ourselves sh*tless) or which ruminates needlessly over past regrets; and there's an 'authentic' self which seems to me at least to be able to step back and observe such imaginings more dispassionately. This latter self seems to be able to experience moments which are hard to put into words because they seem to be accompanied by feelings of expansiveness or perhaps transcendence, and they are very fleeting, but the poets and mystics have spoken and written about them throughout the ages, and far more eloquently than I can muster.
I was wondering how prayer fits into this conversation.
I have always spoken to whoever :God, angels, the Universe, and it is always soothing and helpful.
Now I am wondering, what is this, the 'I' speaking to itself?
I always feel guidance and help through this conversations, so how would you see this topic?
I really want to have insight in reality. I’m all in, but it feels like I’m doing something wrong. Instead of sleeping, I lie awake at night - pondering on what is true; instead of playing with my kid, i’m asking what’s at stake; instead of working I’m trying to feel what I’m feeling. It’s a total mess and I’m afraid that if I continu like this, I end up in a straight jacket and getting a lobotomy ;-)
So for one more time: can you please elaborate on what you mean with the question: what is truth? I think that you mean that all the thinking and ‘selfing’ exists only in my head and therefore it isn’t truth. But for me, the thoughts and feelings look very real. Knowing on some philosophical level that thought isn’t real, isn’t enough for me. I really want to know.
Life events can be tragic and challenging,
but who we are is never broken.
We have the resource of our true nature that does not exist in the world of form.
It cannot be comprehended by the intellect,
but the deeper knowing of the resilience
and wellbeing it provides can be felt.
I wonder if there exists something which could be called ''Innate morality''?
That rules given from society, what's right what's wrong are no longer needed on macro level and something new arises from understanding of who we truely are, as more and more people start to live their lives from this understanding. Would wars, murders and violence still exsist as behaviors?
My whole life has been turned upside down since my divorce and I have recently become aware of an intense fear of abandonment
that seems to be controlling all aspects of my life especially my relationships. Also a deep fear has been uncovered that I do not want anyone to know my true feelings and self for fear of this rejection and abandonment. I cannot go on living this way and so desperate want to be free but it is not clear how and the control and hypervigilance continues.. it seems to be so wired in my body and I wake up in terror a lot. I love the teaching and would like some insight on how to hold such strong feelings without perpetuating them and just let them be?
I was overweighed and (in my eyes) unattractive since I was a kid. I went through periods of dieting and binging until about 12 years ago I fell in love with movement/fitness and when exercising stopped being a way to lose weight but something I simply etnjoyed; it made me feel good and gave me energy. The weight loss followed naturally and so did changes in what I ate. My whole body shape changed and I’d be getting a lot of compliments since and I also got to the point where I could have said I liked how I looked. I think, because of it, I was convinced, until today, that my “looks”/“weight” issue was gone.
Part two: my partner is overweight and unfit. Fitness/movement is something he resists and struggles with. He recognises this struggle and resistance in himself. He had a major health scare and even that didn’t lead to any changes as far as diet or fitness. Any attempts have always been short lived. It is the only issue in our relationship. It upsets me. I thought the reason why it upsets me so deeply is because I am afraid of losing him (after that major health scare). It looks like it’s only partly true.
Today, I noticed he put on weight again. I wanted to cry. I felt angry and upset at the same time but couldn’t because I had a Zoom call. Before the Zoom call I sat down and saw myself in camera and my arms in particular. I saw fat arms and I thought how fat and ugly they were. How fat I was (even though I am not fat generally!). I felt shocked and broken. I have not felt this way about myself in years and than it hit me. I did not stop having “looks”/
“weight” issues even though I lost weight years ago. I remained critical of myself since, I just wasn’t aware of it (until today)and the hatred of my fat arms/body I felt today and that self-criticism, is something I think I have been projecting on my partner for years.
I don’t know what to ask to be frank, other than what do I do with this revelation? Go deeper into this feeling of fear and hatred? It’s all very fresh and as shocking as it’s been, I’m glad it came out! I’d appreciate your input. Thank you!
Would you be able to say a bit more about the reason why "Non Duality" speaks to Wholeness, more than the word "wholeness" does? (ref your first video on Wholeness in Home). For me wholeness is the whole, there isn't anything outside that. If there's an implication, inherent in the word "whole", that there is something else that is not whole, then why isn't that also true for the word Non Duality - which points to the state of the very absence of non-duality very clearly. Simply because of the prefix Non" and the word "dual".
I know we're using words and concepts to describe something beyond the intellectually understandable. Yet the use of Non-Duality to describe what we're exploring in this conversation doesn't really settle into my mind - it always somehow makes it seem cerebral and distant when we're talking about something so very very intimate to every moment experience.
As we progress through the HOME course I have noticed that I have been unsettled, unhappy, scared and just haven’t really felt happiness and peace inside me.
The more I listen the more I am becoming scared of my feelings, of what is showing up in life.
At first I was meeting whatever is showing up and felt my understanding was growing. My question is I feel my ego, self whatever we call it is trying to self sabotage.
To frighten me off.
My mental chatter is becoming so much louder and constant that I sometimes feel I’m going crazy.
I’m becoming just so scared of everything I do .
Can you help please.
We're not human beings having a spiritual experience. We're one spiritual being having seven billion human experiences. And who you really are is that one spiritual being. Your true identity is consciousness itself.
Teilhard de Chardins
Can I ask you a question please ? I heard Jeff foster say that once the fear is in the body it has been admitted/ allowed there . And it’s just like a wave not separated from the ocean . Is this my opportunity to see the fear for what it is ? The apparent seperation - but still one with consciousness. My resistance by the mind to whatever the body has admitted is the source of my suffering? And unless I just allow it to be there it will plague me forever. It makes acceptance a little bit easier to accept if you get what I mean . The intelligence of the system has allowed the fear and pain to be in my body and i should respect universal intelligence by not resisting whst is happening in the moment ?
In one particular area the stakes seem really high if I’m not going to be able to face a certain situation which is quite imminent. I’m aware this is just a story as I have no idea how it will turn out but equally I feel very uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelmed about this sticky area.
I have real financial problems. I am living hand to mouth in a job I hate and am desperate to leave. I feel completely trapped. It seems to me that there is a reality to money and that anyone who says it is just a mental creation is just denying the facts and making it worse for those of us in poverty.
There is a webinar on 6th April 8-9 pm BST to look at the hidden treasures that money reveals.
'How can a person develop insight into madness and sanity without again ending up in the searching looping from hell?'
I have seen a lot about my weight issues in the last few weeks and days. I saw the war going on inside between wanting to be thin and not being thin and also about wanting to be thin and not being able to make myself thin. Two wars going on, so much effort and exhaustion.
In looking deeper, I saw that what I want from being thin is life to be easy, because life is so hard for me. I don’t really have a hard life, the opposite is true, but life appears just so hard, except for eating, sleeping, reading and watching TV.
When I realized this, it struck me that this is exactly how my parents were living their life, or how it appeared to me. Thinking everything is hard and/or dangerous and the only allowed ease and joy was eating and watching TV, well and reading and sleeping. I had to sleep a lot as a child and I didn’t want to. Same with food, I had to eat a lot and I didn’t want to.
It was such a shock to see that after all the therapies and stuff I’ve done, I still function with this old pattern. I also understand that all the life I lived before which was completely different to my parents’, like a ballet career and decades of partying and doing lots of adventures, even having lots of children and pets, was always done with a sort of fight spirit, fighting against this old pattern but the older I get the more the fighting ability vanishes and only exhaustion is left.
The true program is revealed, eating, sleeping, reading and watching TV. No other thing is classified as easy or worthwhile, all other activity need more or less amounts of effort to push through. Even my handstand training this is true, which I love on the one side but I have to overcome resistance to do it every single day.
It’s a relief to see the deep programming I didn’t know it existed but on the other hand I just don’t know what to do with that. It’s like realizing I am in a trap but not being able to leave the trap.
You often say something like : see what's true, or what is real. This is highly confusing to me.
I don't know what the definition of 'true' or 'real' could be. Doesn't it depend of situation and person and, and, and? So it's highly subjective and transient?
For example I might see in a moment the truth as beeing treated unfairly by someone, and in another moment just feeling angry, in another moment just feeling energy moving through my body and in another moment just a body sitting. All truth about the same situation. Someone else might not even see a body, as there are no bodys. Well I'm making this up, it's not my experience but I have heard people saying that. So many different truths and realities?
Is truth always the momentary subjective truth? Or is there another truth?
So what is the truth or the reality you speak about? This words really send me in a complete confusion.
I am afraid to do things wrong in eyes of this course.. or that i am not allowed to have a different view. (Projection)
My upbringing was, based on indoctrinate with less room of free thinking and was a lot about those topics of approval and judgment of God. (someone outside of me who says and dictate what i have to think or do.)
This caused that I project on others around me, like; They know better than me. I am not good enough.
When i am writing this i see it's total confusion.
And maybe that's why it feel so contracted, although i know that I am freedom itself, however something inside me still think i am not. This routine habbit still need to fade away.
Over the years I have learned to trust in following my intuition as best I can.
As I might put it now, to make the choices that I most "resonate with" at the time.
To put it in your words, I might say that my system will make the choice that makes the most sense to it at the time of the choice.
I might also say that in the moment of the choice/action, is the only time that I will know the best choice to make.
So, be faced now with some major life changing choices, I wonder.
Can I teach my system to be even more aligned with some kind of inner knowing or True Self/Higher Self knowledge?
Is there even such a thing?
It seems that you teach that by observing the beliefs and patterns in the system, that they begin to loosen and maybe dissolve, allowing more possibilities, which I might relate to wisdom.
Knowing I have these choices to make in the near future, how might I teach my system to be as wise as possible by the time I must make those choices?
Again is that even possible?
If there is no "I", then there is no "my system" that is getting in the way of being-ness or knowing-ness.
So maybe nothing to do?
The mind is just going very hard, fast for such a long time.
Attacking itself etc
It feels like the fear is too big. Guilt, shame.
I feel, think that I will never be normal again. Too damaged with all the thoughts.
I have a question about the home course. It seems like it’s increasing my patterns of social anxiety. On the other hand, the things you say don’t really sink in. The information looks like interesting concepts, but i doesn’t cause me to really experience that i am awareness of intelligence of live etc. So listening to the courses and noticing the thoughts and feelings apparently isn’t enough.
How does a person comes from the perspective we’re i’m in, to the perspective that you describe? What can a person that is living from the first perspective do in order tot see things in new way?
I have just watched day 22 video on Aliveness. Your description of your Dad passing reminded me of seeing my Grandad pass, that life of him there one moment and gone the next. He was elderly and poorly and it seems to me that the body couldn’t sustain the life force or aliveness any more.
I’m now piecing this together with the suicide of my relative, where it looks to me that the actions of the body prevented the life/aliveness from being able to be in that form any more. Although the body was sick, he died as a result of his own actions / the actions of the body. The aliveness was prevented by the action taken and there was intention to do so. Whose intention? Does aliveness have intention? I sense not…but there’s something here jarring.
I was thinking today…I was sat in the chair drinking tea and I asked “who decided to sit and drink tea?” And I thought, the system did, it made sense to the system here given all learning and conditioning…I guess it was the same for my relative in taking his life?
The Choice by Dr Edith Eger; The Sunday Book
This is the passage I read out:
A fourteen-year-old boy who had participated in a car theft was sent to me by a judge. The boy wore brown boots, a brown shirt. He leaned his elbow on my desk. He said, “It’s time for America to be white again. I’m going to kill all the Jews, all the niggers, all the Mexicans, all the chinks.”
I thought I would be sick. I struggled not to run from the room. What is the meaning of this? I wanted to shout. I wanted to shake the boy, say, Who do you think you’re talking to? I saw my mother go to the gas chamber. I would have been justified. And maybe it was my job to set him straight, maybe that’s why God had sent him my way. To nip his hate in the bud. I could feel the rush of righteousness. It felt good to be angry. Better angry than afraid.
But then I heard a voice within. Find the bigot in you, the voice said. Find the bigot in you.
I tried to silence that voice. I listed my many objections to the very notion that I could be a bigot. I came to America penniless. I used the “colored” bathroom in solidarity with my fellow African American factory workers. I marched with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to end segregation.
But the voice insisted: Find the bigot in you. Find the part in you that is judging, assigning labels, diminishing another’s humanity, making others less than who they are.
The boy continued to rant about the blights to America’s purity. My whole being trembled with unease, and I struggled with the inclination to wag my finger, shake my fist, make him accountable for his hate—without being accountable for my own.
This boy didn’t kill my parents. Withholding my love wouldn’t conquer his prejudice. I prayed for the ability to meet him with love. I summoned every image I had of unconditional love.
I thought of Corrie ten Boom, one of the Righteous Gentiles. She and her family resisted Hitler by hiding hundreds of Jews in their home, and she ended up in a concentration camp herself. Her sister perished there—she died in Corrie’s arms. Corrie was released due to a clerical error one day before all of the inmates at Ravensbrück were executed. And a few years after the war, she met one of the most vicious guards at her camp, one of the men who were responsible for her sister’s death. She could have spit on him, wished him death, cursed his name. But she prayed for the strength to forgive him, and she took his hands in her own. She says that in that moment, the former prisoner clasping the hands of the former guard, she felt the purest and most profound love.
I tried to find that embrace, that compassion, in my own heart, to fill my eyes with that quality of kindness. I wondered if it was possible that this racist boy had been sent to me so I could learn about unconditional love. What opportunity did I have in this moment? What choice could I make right then that could move me in the direction of love?
I had an opportunity to love this young person, just for him, for his singular being and our shared humanity. The opportunity to welcome him to say anything, feel any feeling, without the fear of being judged...
....I thought of a statistic I read, that most of the members of white supremacist groups in America lost one of their parents before they were ten years old. These are lost children looking for an identity, looking for a way to feel strength, to feel like they matter. And so I gathered myself up and I looked at this young man as lovingly as I could. I said three words: “Tell me more.”
"You don’t have to create physical objects by your speaking. I don’t have to say, ‘chair, chair, chair’ to have the chair exist. It’s here. I can touch it. I can sit on it. But love is different. States of being don’t exist in physical reality. If you want love, you must speak it into reality, every day. If you stop speaking it, it will disappear.” Steve Hardison
One message some of your podcasts emphasize is that the identity, and what's believed, is in the reactions to things. So when you encourage us to get as close to life as possible by jumping in and doing whatever it is - we can see what's true and what isn't true based on what the reactions are.
Today I received news that I've been hired to receive a short term work situation that will pay me the most money for a single job I've made in my life (thank you for these teachings as I think they've contributed to the receptivity for this moment). What I noticed was a storm of emotions: ups and downs and wild swings. It was almost like a snowglobe of emotions. And lots of crying. Or if you sped up a soap opera and watched it really fast. Yet none of them "stuck" if that makes sense.
My interpretation of things you've said is that if there's a strong reaction then this is indicative of a lot of identity being believed. What about when the reactions are both strong and also fleeting? That seems to indicate loosening instead? The crying seemed to be healing somehow. Like it's not personal how we get paid or don't get paid. I don't have words for it.
I’m really struggling with what is going on in the world “out there” and how this equates to what we are learning about. Would a universal source allow this to happen? I recognise in my own mind body system a physical (sick) feeling caused by genuine fear and anxiety. Whilst I have done my best to avoid the news, it is everywhere. I can switch off when I’m working with the children in my class as I enter their world of joy. But I’m finding everything else completely overwhelming.
I suppose my understanding of the universal source or however it is labelled is that it is in charge … it has the control as we as humans have none? It gave me comfort to use this as a point of reference - the universe has your back etc.
Been loving your podcast questions, be great to hear one regarding the minds use once the personal is dropped, and how much fun to be had with it. I was confused about that in respect to its actual use, thinking it had to go and be silent, and it's not like that at all!
Do we keep questioning the way the mind functions at the same time we keep looking toward what is stable (what you call "true") because seeing the continual motion of thought, feeling and sensation compared to the backdrop of constant presence is what supports the realization of the core "I" as presence, instead of identification as temporary feeling/thought/beliefs?
I noticed today that when there is more identification with a feeling, there is more resistance to the feelings we've been conditioned to view as wrong/bad. So the feeling experience of cranky becomes "I am cranky" and then there's resistance to it and then the body seems to move into default learned patterns that may have side effects that would also be resisted (junk food eating, scrolling, etc) indicating a seeking to avoid the first identification to feeling. cue vicious circle.
And in contrast, in the last few days it seems that when there isn't this identification with a feeling, when there's just "oh here's crankiness again" then there's no resistance to it and therefore no related default avoidance/seeking patterns to escape that feeling...there's just the feeling and whatever else is going on. Yet whatever else is going on somehow ISN'T an escape/avoidance/distraction...it's like they happen side by side. cue virtuous circle.
Oddly there's no efforting or the "I" that does either of these things, it seems to just be flipping back and forth like a switch.
Cracked. Why psychiatry is doing more harm than good.' by James Davies. The Sunday Book.
'The mind is its own place. And in itself can create a hell of heaven, a heaven of hell.' John Milton
Briefly my story is that I accidentally disovered the 3P in 2019, it completely changed how I saw things and I trained with Michael Neill Supercoach Academy in 2019. I find that the things I've seen bring so much ease and freedom to my life and I love helping clients find the same ease and freedom.
However, I know that this only goes so far. Questions around behaviours, fears, other things, don't feel like they are fully addressed by the 3P understanding alone. Patterns repeat, fears stay in the way. (My personal "stuck" is that I am an "invisible coach" - I get my clients by recommendation and referral, but am unwilling (terrified?) to go public as a coach, be much more visible etc - this is very clearly a "self" protection problem, I know!).
Here's where I'd love your opinion, if I may.
I've set out on this journey with you a couple of times, as is the intention (of course!) it starts to wobble my realitiy to the point where I don't know which way is up. I have a pretty solid grouding in the 3P in that I've got myself, and can take my clients to, a place where life feels easier and lighter and freer than ever before. When I set out on this journey with your work, it (quite rightly) wobbles some of the solid ground that the 3P understanding sits on. A couple of times I've ended up in a place where I don't know how to coach my clients - I can see that what I'm offering through the 3P isn't true-true (isn't the WHOLE story), but during the two 60 day programmes I did with you, I didn't really find a solid footing in this deeper understanding. I don't want to short-change myself and my clients by offering them only part of what is possible/available, but I have the sense that I may well be "all at sea" in this new exploration for quite some time and may not see a new "truth" to coach from in the meantime.What can I offer from this place?
If I could go on "coaching sabattical" for 5 years and take a break explore this more deeply and come back to coaching once I've seen more, I'd do that, but that's not realistic/or what I want to do. Do you have any brief words on how to continue to coach whilst exploring the understanding you offer, as I expect it will remove a lot of my "solid ground" which, whilst not true-true (and doesn't go all of the way), is certainly very helpful to my clients. I know there's a lot to gain in the long run (for me and my clients) by looking at this work with you - but until I really "get it" I feel I might lose the solid (if limited) ground that I stand on, before I truly understand what's there to take it's place. I think you made this journey yourself, so I'm wondering if you have any guidance/suggstions on how to navigate it.
Yesterday during the webinar you were talking going through it, feeling it all.
But what about immediately reacting, numbing. This just happens.
I didn't want to feel reality at that moment. Because I was ashamed I felt disgust about someone, I didn't want that. I felt sorry for the person and ashamed so I numbed it.
I know I started, or the system started to do that. And now I am so numbed, closed, it's like the system isn't able to be natural anymore.
It worries me.
I have a question after hearing the last Home webinar, which I could not attend in person.
You spoke about the conceptual mind as a gift, the only problem being that it makes a concept of self. But as I understand it at the moment, to build a concept of self is inevitable in the developmental phase. There is a time where the child just realizes it is a separate entity somehow and we call this I.
So if this is the problem, why is it built into our evolutionary design? Or is it only in our culture, where the I is so worshipped, that this happens, and in a society, where people would not give such an example the I wouldn’t develop?
But even if, obviously the overall evolution favours the development of an I. There is a philosopher Jean Gebser who has a model of the evolution of awareness (he calls it mutation of awareness), where he shows we started with an archaic awareness where there was no sense of I at all and evolved over the magic and mythical state to the current mental state, the culmination of separation where the I sees itself as always facing a Not-I. He also says that we will move to the integral awareness, where we will combine all the previous states and can access them simultaneously. It seems the evolution leads us to the formation of a separate I.
If this concept of self is the problem, why is it inevitable? It seems to me either the design is flawed and sets us up for suffering, and again, why would it be like that, or I don’t see something. I bet it’s the last one.
Can you shed a light on this topic please?
You often use the metaphor mountain - no mountain - mountain. And you also encourage us to stay with the discomfort, to notice it, observe it, and see what's believed and what's actually true in those moments. A peer in your community shared with me that staying with the discomfort is "no mountain" - can you speak to that? I'm not seeing what she's seeing yet.
I have long turned to writing as a way of, what feels like, processing or making known felt insights.
Something stirs in me and I reach for my laptop to try to put words to the knowing that is felt. I love the process of trying to match words to a feeling.
When what is written feels as complete as I can make it, I go back and reread it. I’m often struck by the wisdom, beauty and deep resonance in my words. I know I’m reading Truth.
The moment passes and if I were to reread these same words later on, they may or may not ring with resonance. The moment has passed.
If they no longer ring as they did, I’m left with a mind that jumps in and somewhat snottily points out all the ways “Sure, you write that, but that’s not how you’re living.”
In your conversation with Shelly you mention how writing like this comes through creating words for the mind to hear. My paraphrase.
My mind jumps in and wants to control this process. Or work it somehow. I see through that. That’s the tail of the elephant judging it’s own ear and looking to fix it.
And, darn it, my mind just wants to know how this works. Is seeing a belief believed in the light of day what dissolves the belief?
Or sees the belief as part of the body/mind/psychology and nothing needs to be dissolved or done. Just is. IS fine?
When I hear about the observer and the observed being the same thing it feels like there is a deep truth to this. My (very simplistic) understanding of quantum physics seems to point in that direction.
I teach in a school for a living. So in my day to day experience, it seems as if what I'm being asked to do by my employer is to control the behaviour and (to an extent) the thoughts of others. But really, if there are no pupils and no me this can't really be the case?
I feel like there is a lot to be seen here and that the classroom I find myself in each day is really a space for expansion. Could you speak about this please?
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.
Pema Chödrön
I feel like a grenade has gone off inside of me, very thing going off and blown up inside of me.
I am experiencing the raw grief and heart ache of loosing my husband as you know.
I have properties trying to be sold and yet have no home. I have money held in the bank but have no money.
The security I had with being with my husband has blown up I am no longer a WE.
I no longer have my husband to do things together.
Wills and taxes and so much more having to be dealt with.
I am learning from the course about reality and mind activity but the reality is so real in all it’s goings on.
Through your course Claire I am seeing bit by bit who I am not, about the self.
However this afternoon I felt that without my husband life is going to be so much different and that is reality.
But I felt hurt upset insecure lost and so much more and I found it difficult to actually see the difference in the reality and the mind activity making up stories.
I feel very confused about what I am experiencing and making up.
Life will change because I have never know really what it is like to be the real I to know the real I have lived worried and concerned about my family and others. People pleasing etc.
I have had a melt down today and I think your amazing course and subliminals are blowing everything up to be seen but I feel overwhelmed which I feel is amazing. But also having to deal with life I just fell apart.
And Clare you are teaching me that it’s not down to the self to control be in charge is the self doesn’t exist.
I was just wondering if you have anything to say on when life throws so much stuff at one time and being open and real to it all but also living with the stress and also the effect on the body.
Clare I love being with you, I love all that you point to, I feel so much love when you speak of this understanding. I respect you and most of all I thank my wisdom for guiding me to you because without you and Home I’m not sure I would be as ok as I am.
I was listening to the podcast about ‘Why do I shut down?’ As you know I’ve been experiencing anxiety and depression, everything has improved a bit even the low mood isn’t as low but the comment about triggers in the podcast and information that is being given made me curious. I notice that I am constantly comparing my life to others and as my life circumstances currently don’t feel favourable (although I know that is very outside-in) I have feelings of jealously, lack of connection and despondency that things will never improve, while at the same time not begrudging anyone else their joy and abundance. I am observing and trying to be with the feeling without judgement, sometimes easier than others when you want to feel better. Also wondered about that feeling of striving to move connected, reaching out to friends to meet and when they are busy taking it personally and starting the despondency cycle again. Seems like the striving to say connected is an attempt to be validated and being isolated feels like death as you put it on this weeks webinar. We are social animals so if feels natural to want to connect. I wondered if you had anything to say these points.
I love your podcasts and listen avidly . Can I ask you where should one keep the attention if it’s now not on thoughts. I try not to get attached to thoughts and see them just pass by but my mind goes haywire and seems worse and then I’m sucked back into my mind.
Can you please help me out?
The 'i' concept is not real. Like Allan Watts said in the quote you discussed on the "Saturday quote podcast."
But the experience of it seems real.
I can see that we are the lifeforce/consciousness but on the other hand my experience from nanosecond to nanosecond differs.. i sometimes really get lost in the stories the i (made of thoughts intangeled in each other) spins. Full of blame, selfpity, anger and fear. Then my body gets contracted, my heart area hurts. I want to have control (to stop it) but that keeps the whole structure intact.
When the "i" gives it up, i notice the story collaps. And i am free!
But there is still a need for control, how can i lossen this? Or is that (the need to lossen it) the problem? What to do?
What I found harsh is: You are pointing toward a gap. It sounded to me like you are saying: look, where you stand right now, suffering will go on forever. What you see right now, will not help you. Unless you see this, there is actually no relief from all this. (in reference to Feb 3rd podcast)
"But sometimes... and not very often... sometimes we'd get glimpses of the truth.
We'd see someone across a crowded room at the prom and our heart would stop. Our thoughts about ourselves would disappear and it felt like we were in heaven. What was happening? Were we falling in love?
Maybe what really stopped at that moment wasn't the heart. What if what stopped was just all those thoughts? All those thoughts that were headed for the future or else going into the past.
What if when the truth (beauty) is glimpsed those thoughts fall away? And love is just the beauty arising out of feeling the here and now. "
Right Now p. 172, Steve Chandler
(The John Keats quote Steve refers to in the interview is:
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty--that is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know."
Can you talk about planning? My coach said it is better to just turn up and let wisdom take over...
Can you speak to why it looks like there is a me that is making a choice? Is it that the brain creates a narrative that links the behavior the system took, based on what made sense/learning/belief in the moment, to an "I"?
For example, it looks like there is a "me" that either pays things on time or not. Yet I can see that the system would learn due dates, and use them, while the brain could then claim that behavior after and say "I did that".
Can you tell me your thoughts about tools such as the Enneagram and Human Design.
They seem to be quite helpful for many people but I wonder if this is another way of solidifying the ’self’ and may actually confuse the understanding I am gaining from your work?
How do I address the physical symptoms that seem to prevent me taking on this wonderful information?? For example, I can become so overwhelmed (shutdown) during a webinar I have no recall of the content.
Work Clean, The Life Changing Power of Mise-En-Place to Organise your life, work and mind by Dan Charnas
Today's Wonder-Full Words are from Michael Neill
When our thoughts look real, we live in a world of suffering. When they look subjective, we live in a world of choice. When they look arbitrary, we live in a world of possibility. And when we see them as illusory, we wake up inside a world of dreams.
I've been thinking about healing and I know I've heard people talk about healing also heals generational lines backwards and forwards. This makes sense in quantum physics and 'oneness' terms but not to the human mind view of linear time. Can you say more?
Follow up to 15 Jan podcast
I listened to your answer to my question and I must admit that I've been reeling in a bit of a shame spiral.
I may not have articulated it well, but my question was about seeing more within myself, not about how I could change them. I'm not at all going around telling my family that I know better and here's what they need to do, or judging them. What's happening is that I'm silently noticing the Grandchildren develop an identity that is based on the premise that their emotions are wrong, and that they're somehow faulty.
Before I began this exploration, I probably wouldn't have even noticed the conditioning taking place, I would have just been lost in it without question. But now it's easier to see the conditioning happening, in real time, and it's hard to watch sometimes. So when my Grand Daughter says it's time to take her medicine, by not saying anything it feels like I'm just agreeing that, yes - you do need help because something is wrong with you. When in reality I can see her perfection.
Are you saying that if only I were more enlightened I'd know just what to say? Or that I just wouldn't care and it would never bother me?
Or that since I have times of suffering about it, that I'm not able to be present to honor, respect and listen to them? I'm feeling a bit discouraged by your answer because I have been looking within, and suspect that I'm never going to be enlightened enough.
Jan 15 podcast 'How to Intervene'
I have been reflecting on my reactions in my close relationships.
I truly believe (I'm actually convinced) that my reactions to a person are a reflection of what's going within me so I am always happy to look at myself and explore that.
I have been thinking about two romantic relationships. Two different people. Very similar circumstances. Same me. Yet, it was only when with that one person that I had unbelievably strong, visceral painful reactions. For example, I would have trust issues with one but not with the other person. I would go into fear and anxiety when I didn't hear from one but be absolutely fine and at peace when I didn't hear from the other person. I would be scared of being left by one but not the other person, and so on.
So, I am curious about it. On the one hand, it seems that if my reactions had to do with me, then I should have the same anxiety or trust issues and/or similar reactions in both of these relationships. On the other hand, when I look back, I feel like those reactions to some extent were my wisdom telling me this particular relationship wasn't right (and it wasn't and my trust issues turned out to be valid in the end), and yet, it is also clear to me that these reactions have very much everything to do with me! I'm just curious why they showed up in one and not the other relationship. Would love to hear your thoughts about that.
I am multi-passionate/curious about many things. I find it hugely energising to learn about new things, give myself space to pursue different possibilities and seemingly have options. However, I know underneath what is happening is what makes sense to happen based on the programming and until the programming changes the behaviour won’t change. I can see there is nothing wrong with the behaviour but at times it means that I can feel I am pulling myself too thinly and not making the progress possible on any one thing and feeling overwhelmed in the process. Yet when I focus on one thing and excluded others, I can feel bored or stagnant. Would love to hear your thoughts.
This image of yourself is obviously not real.
Any more than the idea of a tree is a tree.
Any more than you can get wet in the word ‘water’.
Alan Watts
I am interested in joining the course but I am also coming up with all sorts of reasons why I shouldn't!!
I suppose the main area I am suffering in life is that when I was 8 years old I came upon using food to dull down uncomfortable feelings from a difficult period of childhood. So innocent I know but I am still doing that aged 58. I think I have tried everything to stop this habit and my mind is saying it is just another tactic and quite an expensive one too. I am also aware it is the same 'mind' that suggests eating rubbish makes me feel better...
I hear so much that resonates in what you share Clare and I can see that going deeply into what I am beyond the behaviour will really help in all of my life not just with food and then I hear a voice that says you are not 'enough' for it; not understanding the conversation enough: not eloquent enough; not confident enough etc etc
But I do also know at times that I am pure love and potential.
I’m currently working through Voice in your membership and have a question that is bothering me. If I start to see the illusion of me and see that the identity doesn’t exist then does that mean others disappear? If ‘I’ don’t exist then nor do ‘others’? I know this can’t be true but since the thought has passed through my mind I thought it would be helpful to ask the question since it’s clearly going to hold back my exploration! I’m quite keen for this crappy insecure identity to disappear but not my family!
I love participating in your courses but have come to realise I am doing them in an attempt to feel better. I experienced early trauma (I’ve never felt safe) which on reflection seems to have underpinned most of my life. Interestingly, the ‘symptoms’ (freeze etc) of the trauma are becoming almost unbearable, whilst at the same time my conscious mind ‘piles’ on the pressure to move forward and achieve. It simply feels impossible to achieve anything given the opposing ‘forces’ and this is becoming intolerable.
I am curious, because during my exposure the 3p and ND (8years) I have definitely witnessed others who simply cannot move forward. Regardless of their desire to and consequently suffer the backlash of ego and remain on this relentless hamster wheel.
Could you shed any light on this? Can ND support those with early trauma? In view of this, is Home a good fit in these circumstances.
I am really tempted to do your new Home course. It sounds really fascinating and I loved the last course I did with you year ago. My only hesitation is sometimes I felt left behind by some of the people on the course deeper into the understanding you centre on. Whilst I know comparison of ‘me’ vs ‘them’ is unhelpful it did mean I sometimes found the live sessions a little overwhelming and my brain decided a few times that I didn’t really get it and therefore it was pointless.
I suppose what I am saying is will this start from the beginning? I am well versed in the 3p’s so it’s not the very beginning, but will it be open to all and ‘slowed down’ enough for us that are still at the start of this exploration?
I have read all of your books but one and I get glimpses but the books (and the course I took) tend to make me think more and get conceptual. Is your goal here to really to have many of us awaken during the course or learn more about awakening?
Busting Loose from the Money Game by Robert Scheinfeld
Every Sunday we will look at a book that is relevant to this conversation.
Your habit is not “you” and it is not personal.
It is simply your brain doing what it does.
Dr Amy Johnson
We are beginning a series called Wonder-Full Words. Each Saturday we will look at a particularly powerful sentence or quote, wherever possible exploring it directly with the author.
Today's words are from Dr Amy Johnson, author or the Little Book of Big Change and Just a Thought. https://dramyjohnson.com
I am in part aiming to transition from a career in the corporate world to a career in the third sector after voluntary work in the sector. I find myself naturally moving in that direction and really energised. One question I have been contemplating is the significant disparity in pay between the two sectors. I can see that money is a concept and as such nothing about it is ‘true’ and yet it doesn’t seem to make sense that they should be so differently paid. I appreciate that there are narratives/ beliefs around the third sector being short of money and people working in the sector get paid in fulfilment and yet I feel by accepting these and the salary that comes with them I am seeing the beliefs as true and being constrained by them. I can see at times a sense of ego popping up feeling it deserves more money and is ashamed it will not get this but when this isn’t so strong I can see that there is information in this which may be helpful. Would love to hear your thoughts on this.
I have a question about fear and avoidance. I heard you say to ask what the fear is and do it anyway and this will transform something.
I have panic attacks as soon as I have a session (I am a therapist, or I was, because I stopped doing it). I just couldn’t tolerate this feeling anymore. I inquired into it (I feared I will die or dissolve), I felt the body sensations ( a lot, because this is where I come from as a body and movement therapist), later, when I came across the 3P I tried to see it as just thought (didn’t work), I did all sorts of traume therapy and looked at this as a client, but nothing ever helped, it got even worde and worse. I did go on with working as a therapist anyway over years and despite feeling always better after the session (maybe just because it was over), it never improved, I was terrified before each appointment. At one point I just couldn’t stand the severe symptoms anymore and decided to stop. This was a big relief.
I thought this was maybe just the way life told me to not do this anymore. I teach apprentice therapists now in different skills like psychopathology and movement analysis, and although it’s fun and I don’t have panic attacks before teaching I feel like it’s a bit meaningless and not really using all I know and sometimes I find myself envying people who work as therapists or coaches, although I don't want to go back there.
I’m totally confused about what life wants to show me here. Maybe you see something.
It seems we are consistently questioning reality in this understanding.
Is there a potential in this of gaslighting ourselves?
The question comes up in view of adverse childhood experiences. When we are babies and our identity hasn’t formed yet and our primary care takers are confused and traumatised themselves, the main survival mechanism for the brain is to conclude that „I am bad“ and later „the world is dangerous“. That seems to be running deep in the system. Sometimes when I immerse myself in this teaching, I feel like it’s confusing me more and I’m afraid of gaslighting myself into „everything is not as it seems, hence my perspective, voice, input is not valid“ along these lines.
About ADHD. Several years back i was told by psychiatrist i could have ADD (the more "dreamy' version)
Can we see it as (different) neurotype instead of a diagnosis/label/"you are broken" point of view?
The label or problem is made up but i think we can't deny the human body mind had different types of form.
The "i" can easily get lost in the story of i have Add so "i am broken".
So on the other hand we can acknowledge the diversity and get real with it what can leads to freedom.No denial but also not claim it..and get lost in it.
How you see it fit in this conversation of reality and true Self?
I'm hoping you can help me see something new around worry and preoccupation with my Grandchildren. I can see that the Parents are doing the best they can from what looks true for them, but from my perspective I can see how much of it is based on misunderstanding. And I see my Grandchildren soaking it up (as the learning sponges that they are) and I just want to jump in constantly and say no - don't believe it! For example, my Son and his Wife put my 12 year old Grand Daughter on anti-anxiety medication because they see her emotions as a problem. I feel helpless to stop any of it and I spend way too much time thinking about it. Can you help shed some light on this?
Can you please do a podcast on What's at stake, I have been using that phrase and it really helps. When the need to ask that comes to mind it is usually at a time when the sensations are so constrictive and felt so deep. It has been helping me to not react at those times. It helps to have that realization that the only thing at stake is the thought of the identity. Why is it that the sensations are so dramatic at that time?
I wanted to ask you or maybe just see your thoughts around something that happened for me yesterday.
They were a job rejection and a strong angry reaction to a FB post that was about repeating days over and over not being a life. I see that reaction speaks directly to my own shame and embarrassment that my life seems to be just that - repeated, wasted days.
Later that night I woke with thoughts of shame and disappointment of how my life seems to have turned out, that I am wasting my life and embarrassed of the perceived barriers that lay heavy on any creativity or potential. I compare myself to the collective "them" who are so much more worthy, useful and successful and the old me who could do the things I can't. So separate and lacking.
I felt anger rise up and in my mind I am smashing against the walls that surround me and screaming as loud as I can. This was in my mind as my husband would have a start, but I silently screamed. I was reminded of something you had said about hitting at walls made of nothing but thin air.
Today I don't feel different about my situation. I think I know what has to happen, VOICE was so brilliant and started me down that path. I just don't know who I am, I feel a bit lost.
What is this heavy sense of guilt and wrongness that comes up from the depth of unconsciousness again and again? It comes up especially in dreams at night and in relation to people.
I am caught between wanting to change (lose weight, get fitter, move more) & being stuck not making those changes. I have plans to exercise & eat well every day, but rarely do. This has been an issue most of my life. Even thinking about it now brings tension & conflict feelings. I feel like I'm fighting myself.
The one obstacle/habit is the pull to 'not move'. This started as a young teen when I moved away from family & friends & it was safer to keep my head down & not move/be quiet for hours each day (before then I was active & outside most of the time). I ended up sitting & thinking thinking, thinking, which eventually led to eating. Over the years I have found myself sitting & mindlessly thinking, eating for hours (& sometimes rocking back & forth) wasting days.
My husband would work on a Saturday & I would mean to do so much with my day, but I would end up sitting, thinking & eating & then rushing to tidy up/ shower before he got home. I would then lie about my day's activities. The inevitable weight gain killed my marriage & I am now doing the same in my current relationship.
There is real fear about this relationship ending & being alone, but there is also sadness/anger about not being loved unless I'm this different active slim person.
What is going on with me & how do I break this habit (I am now in my 50s)?
Every Sunday we'll look at a different book. Ideally one that is about the 'real' world and which is relevant or useful for a conversation about spirituality, non-duality or reality.
Today we are looking at Algorithms to Live By by Brian Christian.
Why, when someone tells me they love me, I often can't feel that come into my being? Is it because I don't know myself as love in that moment, or is thought telling me I'm unlovable or is it that it doesn't sound sincere (which is also a thought in that moment), or just what's up with that? Maybe it's all of these things.
[Question abridged so that we can focus on the principles involved rather than the content of the experience. ]
I understand that you are very clear about spiritual bypassing. That’s why I have a question.
Can there be a difference between spiritual well-being and effectively helping people?
[explanation of situation]
I was neither free of resentment, nor was I in a clear, calm mind when I acted. It was urgent, I acted, I got what I wanted and that’s peace for the people who live there under my watch.
When I listened to your episode on Ausschwitz I took away, how we should really always start with ourselves, which makes total sense. I can see my resentment towards this family- they also threatened to kill me but it somehow was a warm goodbye in the end. “They” are beautiful people. I can see that. But it was irrelevant for the solution.
Isn’t my spiritual well-being completely irrelevant? What role does spirituality have in situations like this? Is spiritual advice even needed?
If the outside world is only ever a reflection of our inner life, which it seems to be, how is it that things appear to be happening for everyone? I am speaking about vaccination schedules, governement restrictions, masks, lockdowns etc. Though we are all experiencing these things differently, they are happening..arent they? Just as in world war 2, there really was a war even though everyone had their own unique experience of it. Is this to do with collectively manisfesting something on the outside due to our similar inner worlds??
I'm enjoying the book REAL but I have hit a block with the chapter on custody. Can you say more about it please?
Chapter 8 REAL
You are not in control
Trying to assume personal control
—over anything—
is simply not possible.
What a relief.
Garret Kramer
Imagine that you are driving and you bump another car. The other driver gets out of the car in full rage. You have no control over what this driver will do. She could do anything.
You also have no control over the thoughts that appear in your mind at that moment:
‘How dare she swear at me!’ or
‘I need to get away from her.’ or
‘She looks upset, poor thing.’
Whichever thoughts seem real to you in that moment will give rise to your behaviour:
You might swear back.
You might walk away.
You might ask if she is OK.
You are not in control of the other driver.
You are not in control of your thoughts about her.
You are not in control of the behaviour that results from the thoughts.
You are not in control of any of it.
Does this mean you are an automaton?
Are you just an oblivious receiver and transmitter of whatever is believed?
Yes…
In a way…
The body-mind is the expression of whatever is being believed in that moment. In a very real sense, it is a programmed robot. Executing whatever programme is installed.
Where things get confusing is that we believe that we are an individual self, housed within the body-mind, controlling all its actions.
But there was no self controlling how language or driving or listening was learned. That just happened.
And the self that we really are, is the awareness of that. Who we really are is the space in which all of life is appearing.
The consciousness we are brings thought alive as though it were real. It also allows the realisation that thoughts are ever-changing, transient, neutral mental energy.
Inherent in this gift is 100% custody for what you believe in any moment. And 100% custody for what you do as a consequence of that belief, even though what you believe is out of your control.
Crazy isn’t it?
Even though you have no control over the road woman, for the moment that she is in your life, she is in your care. Every single thing about her is perceived through your mind in that moment. She can’t exist for you other than through your experience of her.
It is the same for all thoughts. You have no control over when and how and what will appear. Once these thoughts appear in your head, though, they are in your custody.
You have no choice about the behaviours that come from those thoughts. The behaviours though are in your custody. Only yours.
So there we have it: 100% custody of anything that appears within our awareness, 0% control.
'Who does the transcending, and what prompts the idea to observe, to transcend?' Listener question
Can you speak to the innocence of the motivation to attempt to secure, or make solid, this transitory ephemeral idea of a me? How do we see this as innocent, rather than as a terrible, thing? Is this even an accurate description when there's no chooser?
Being part of this conversation with you has entered a question of how many objects, relationships, situations, have been an attempt to make this transitory idea of a "me" stable.
Just giving voice to the things I spoke of on today's call multiplied the weight of them. It really is all a matter of where the attention is directed. I don't want to give more weight/authority to the story. I don't really want to pay much attention to the story at all. Would much rather just be in life and enjoy every minute of it. So how can one NOT end up in a form of bypass in order to stay in flow?
Follow up to self blame is an ego trip (10 Dec 2021)
Thank you for doing this so thoughtfully 💚.
I listened to the podcast umpteen times, and yes I get it.
the ego ran the show for so long it’s still protesting against life.
When I see my behaviour and witness it more and more I feel the impact it has and it’s terrible, there is no forgiveness in that.
It’s like watching a car crash over and over again.
So are you saying I have to watch the car crash without doing anything about it??
I always hoped that when I’m aware enough I can prevent this shameful behaviour.
I’m desperate for change.
I have a question about subliminals. Is there a right or wrong time for this? I started listening to your work half a year ago and it was so scary and over my head that I stopped. Then I came back later and now there seems to be less inner resistance or protection.
Can it be too soon? I am endlessly curious but how do I know that I am ready for it? Also, if I spend this money on subliminals (I am a social worker and a single mother, so it’s quite an amount for me) am I really sure that I want nothing in return? Don’t I instantly want a change while knowing this attitude send me to hell and prison the last months?
The subliminals would be some kind of blind trust which really feels right. Can you help me find out if it’s right for me?
What worries me the most that there is no relief or release.
I stay in the stress, tension.
Even with good, pleasant things, situations, or situations that go well.
I go back to stress, hate etc.
It's like I can't allow good things or happiness anymore.
hi Clare I am divorced from my wife and we don’t have children. She has remarried. My mum is in her 90s and i said I will go to see her for Christmas Day but the whole thing is just making me feel so lonely. I have people I speak to in work but we don’t have the sort of relationship to meet up afterwards. I did have old friends from college but they are all quite far away and busy with their own things. I would like to have a partner and I’ve tried to meet someone but nothing seems to work. Each year I just feel more and more alone. I know someone might say loneliness is just my thinking but it doesn’t feel like it.
I listened to your podcast and read your book and of course you scare the hell out of me. Thank you for that.
I will try to put my question into words, English is not my first language and I am also not familiar with the words you use. However I try to ask a question about how we create our world.
I used to date a lot. After being in a very long relationship I threw myself out there. It was awesome, exciting and devastating. For one and a half years I experienced a range of emotions in a seemingly meaningful, certainly hurtful way. I was like on autopilot, repetitive behavior, the same story over and over again. My mind created heartbreak and drama for 18 Months. The protagonists changed continuously, so it wasn’t about any of them. Then it stopped.
Now I see what it was there for. How it helped me to understand what my mind is capable of. All the drama that makes me feel so free and alive is quite the opposite. But kind of amazing to.
When I was fully in it, the (Tinder-)Algorithm presented guys on a regular basis. Handsome, smart, funny. To that time I felt like all those amazing men came into my life. Now it feels like I fabricated the entire thing. It appears to have come directly from my imagination. Like I was thinking of a lack of tenderness and there comes heartbroken a guy, talking about how sensitive and tender he is. I felt like I needed security, the came along a crav maga instructor. I sensed a feeling of lack or need and it was fulfilled for a second until it wasn’t. Like my sense of what I need was precisely attacked.
The cycle was like this: Sense of lack- search - match - wonderful feelings – disappointment - Sense of lack- search - match - wonderful feelings – disappointment
Like gradual deconstruction. That was the word what came to mind over and over again, deconstruction. And the more I see that, the less I can reconstruct the old building. As if I not able to produce that. I cant make it up. Its empty
I recently realized how I have this kind of magical thinking a lot... It is clear what kind of dream theater happened there. In this case, the appearance or absence of men is probably just a psychological process
But then my mind turns it around like: So when I get the “right” attitude then I can change the outside world. There is this one side which is so clearly made up. And then there is the other where it is so clear that whatever I think or say will not change what is about to happen. Can you see what is confusing me? How can there be such a clear manifestation of the felt sense of lack AND at the same time it feels so cocky to think I can control the outside world by doing/feeling/seeing something the “right” way.
It isn’t easy to put this into words. I hope this makes any sense to you at all. I guess, I am looking for magic.
My husband's job is to teach people to live in the now. He has helped hundreds of ordinary people that have been referred by mental health charities and the NHS etc. Some of these people get better after a lifetime of anxiety. He takes them straight to the experience of their true nature and they get it! He lives in the now too and doesn't worry about anything. Ever. You could say he is free.
We often have discussions on the topic of the self. His 'argument 'is that if the self is illusory and has no free will /personal agency then who is it that is helping these people get better and how come these separate selves are improving?
He feels that this is not random ie. it's just what's happening - and finds the approach that some non-duality teachers ( Jim et al) take would not help these people out of their suffering in the same way that Mike's approach seems to.
These teachers sometimes say "there is nothing you can do '' to help anyone. It's just what it is and yet 5 people have been guided to their true nature and awareness in the last week!
Mike knows that he is following his internal guidance system at an individuated level of the all that is, but this doesn't seem random to him.
This question is a bit unwieldy. Do you see where he is coming from?
I noticed when i hear something in the media about a certain movement i want to speak up to my family.
A couples years ago i left a community i was in since birth. I couldnt handle the rules all based (to my opinion) on fear, guild, and sin.
From that moment on my family socialy declared me death. My siblings no longer talked to me according to the rules of the community.
Sometimes i really want to speak up to them and let them know how it hurts they never contacted me again. I had some hope they come around. Becauce i never changed on a deep level. I "only" have different thoughts about life works.
But i know it will make no difference. In there eyes iam the lost one. The lost sheep.
I am sometimes stuggeling with it. I think it is acknowledgement i want from them. Being heard. Loved instead of feared. But they believe they will be punised by God if they are socially interacting with me.
Maybe it's a mirror? Can i acknowledge it hurts me (or this mind body system) from time to time. Can i allow i choose a different pad in life and don't need permission from them to feel okay, whole.
It must be a mirror! But its SEEMS they are the problem. Out there! This community! But i also see the flux in it becauce there are periods i don't even think about them or any of it.
I'm in knots trying to work out what to cook for dinner. I just can't find anything suitable. Suddenly I am full of self pity because it always seems to be me who has to solve this VAST problem. I can't do it! Then I just give up and experience peace.
Time passes...and then it transpires that everyone is actually out this evening and its just me I have to cook for, so I'm off the hook.
I have used this as an example of my inner wisdom, but I am not sure anymore. It is like there is two forms of wisdom...wisdom that wants to keep the identity safe and make it feel good, and wisdom that just unfolds like life itself.
Here is the question: is the pulling back from the stressful experience of having to choose A og B a form of false wisdom?
I often experience a pulling back, because I know my thinking will change. But, what I have learned on this course is that going up to edge of the unpleasant feeling, to look for the ME who is experiencing this, is a way to transcend a small program within the larger program (like transcending one record in a record shop that exist to play records).
Is pulling back a way that ensures that the record will play again and again, until I see that it has nothing to do with who I really am?
What I'm noticing is that I often begrudge other people's successes. I have judgemental and contemptuous thoughts and fear of other people's work being better than mine. I can see there is a desire to be special. Even being in this conversation brings out these feelings of superiority. This feels jarring because the thing I want to do (or at least what my mind is telling me I want to do) is to support people and lift them up. I get that these are just thoughts. I don't choose them and I am able to act from a place of support regardless. It's horrible though. I can see that the other constructed version of myself as 'nice' and supportive is fighting against this shadow side with all of these resentments and meanness. I know the whole point is that we let everything in. I know that real freedom is allowing all of this. I do wish it would go away though so I could enjoy being 'nice me' properly!! I guess I need to fully allow this to teach me what there is to see? Whenever I hear people like yourself I can't help but think, I bet she doesn't think these nasty things like me!
In a recent podcast you encouraged us to gravitate toward our discomfort, get curious about it rather than flee from it. I tend to be a conflict avoider, spending energy protecting the non-existent “me.” For example, I avoid my husband when his weather is stormy. Although there are swells and troughs, his baseline aggravation is high. Even as I write this, I am trying to be aware of my own projections around it. His irritation is often directed at our children, and when I don’t join him in his gripes, he feels betrayed and unsupported. If I enjoy time with them that is light and unencumbered, he seems resentful or jealous. When I try to soften toward him, he hardens. I see we are both stuck in a story of “This is not how things should be.” He wants our family to be more in line with his expectations. I want him to love us and himself for who we are. Yet do I love him for who he is? I do love his essence, the loving person I sometimes glimpse behind the armor, but I don’t love the aggravation and accusation. Over the years I have become braver about trying to communicate with him. These attempts usually result in him getting defensive and me feeling sad and resigned. I have felt his verbal bullets pass through me like air, no “me” to trap them anymore. I don’t feel my happiness relies on his, but I am so sad that we can’t seem to share happiness together. Where are my blind spots here?
1) Looking at the world scale problems I often see greed as the main driver which causes the problems. Some days ago after reading your book Sane I got an insight that greed is only a symptom of our phantom self which is perceived separate, lacking, not enough etc. The end of this madness will come only by realisation- lifting awareness of who we truly are, a space where life arises and that the self which is being defended, secured is only a mirage in the desert.
2) I have a question for your podcast :) Looking at self improvement field in my eyes look as tool to get in this endless search to be better, to get better, to feel better. But more as I look at it I see this phenomena produces more problems than solutions. It takes us to this neverending journey where goal or peak of the mountain is even not seen and defined. So I wonder when/how do we know when is enough?
I was wondering about gender identity and sexual orientation. I guess this is a big part of the identity. We were talking a lot about identity being a learned thing, or a program. But it really doesn't seem to me that gender identity or sexual orientation is a learned program, but much more like an inner knowing. Is there a step before the identity? Like being born a certain way, and only the step of describing what is already inside makes it part of the identity?
(Sorry I think my English isn't good enough to phrase this last sentence, I'm not sure if I'm making sense..)
Thank you so much for your guidance through the last two months. I'm so glad to have had all those wonderful, scary and liberating experiences.
And I'm sorry for not replying sooner.. I think this might have something to do with the question I've been hoping to ask..
After this stressful time it felt like I needed a break. Looking back at this break I'm quite sure that my ego felt like it needed a break from being constantly under threat. From what I understood so far, this might be a good moment to move into more discomfort, because the ego is playing its tricks.. But how can I actually just take a break without letting the ego, the fears, the wanting to hide at home take over?
Something in this question seems fishy but I can't see what it is.. 😂
You speak often of doing the thing that scares us to show us where the 'self' is showing up. What if I have been doing the thing for over a decade and it's led to horrific anxiety (panic attacks GAD insomnia) It's been a decade now. I worked for two decades without any problems and then as soon as financial insecurity showed up I had one panic attack and boom, my life forever changed. I feel like I'm in the deep end and there's not the opportunity to go in slow. The program still seems to think this is the way I have to earn a living as everything I look into comes to a dead end. I also know that I worked so many years without this issue, so why not again? I know that my brain has changed and this system is looping around on the same neural pathways that have now been created. Does it take time for the systems' auto pilot of body reactions to change. I feel like my nervous system is so revved up all the time that it's stuck in my body and this is now my life, which I want to heal, and don't know how.
The self here is still grappling with the stark notion of ruthless self criticism as an ego trip. I see the necessity to take responsibility for that and at the same time it leads to more self criticism. Who is taking responsibility for what?
Do you think "3p" has shortcomings?
Sometimes it looks to me that the aspect of inquiring is shut down by saying "it's just your thinking". In the end yes indeed ("direct path")but sometimes to have a better understanding of the body mind system, and where i picked up some believes (religion, work environment etcetera) the mind is more willing to let it fall away. And ofcourse it is my personal experience. Your teaching is bit more forgiving. That is what i found refreshing in your courses.
‘Why when I know something needs my attention (in my case money management) do I push my head further into the sand. It makes absolutely no sense, the ongoing discomfort as a consequence of this must be worse than actually talking the action?? You have touched on this in the Voice course (remaining in a comfort zone etc) but somehow money ‘seems’ to hold so much more fear?? Why does this happen around money?? Thank you’
Can we talk about choices/being the choice maker some more! :)There are times when I see it clearly (most of the time, I believe)and there are times when I get confused. For ex. there are many times when I can see my train of negative/painful thoughts and I can see that if I get on it, the ride won’t be fun. So there are moments when I feel “I” am choosing not to get on it by distracting myself by whatever comes to mind in that moment OR when you encourage us to do an exercise, go do the thing, it seems to me that there is “me” choosing whether I want to do it or not based on the information from you. There are times when it feels I am choosing to see something differently, a situation or person etc. Even the recent realisation I talked about where I blamed someone for doing something and then examined myself only to see I was capable of the same. So it looks as though I was looking at myself and I came to those conclusions. I don’t feel it’s got anything to do with conditioning or any script in the background but purely acting in a moment, one way or another based on the information in that moment. I don’t know if it makes sense so I’d love to hear you talk about that. Where’s my confusion coming from or what am I not seeing? Thank you! ❤️
You talk about not believing the mind. In my opinion that is so dangerous. Is this a cult? Is it brainwashing? Is it an attempt to shut down reason and analysis?
hi Clare
I listen to the news and I see all the terrible things going on in the world - the violence, climate change, poverty, the pandemic. We need to take action on all of this right now not sit around wondering about the self and about what I am. Spirituality seems totally self indulgent when there is so much that must be changed . We first need to sort out all the issues in the world - like climate change, racism, violence etc and only then should we turn our attention to ourselves.
Listener question: we're the space witnessing the program, but what questions it? The system can't question itself, but it seems we need the mind to do so?
My daughter is often silenced, seemly unable to say word,s even when she has come home (from Uni) with an issue of some kind. I ask her and eventually just offer general words of support hoping it helps. But I am left frustrated and feeling I have failed her somehow.
I have looked at where I see this in myself and know I have done the exact same thing, most often when I am anxious and afraid, which has been often over the last few years. This could be why she worries me, as I see her as being the same, I think she must be anxious and afraid too.
Logically I see any number of reasons could be the cause but I am confused by my own conditioning or memories.
Listener message:
I wanted to write to you since a long time! It will be a very boring mail without any questions… I just want to thank you. Life got so much easier since I met you.
Nothing in the outer world changed, one the contrary: I still am dating without success, my mother got a stroke and is now paralyzed and needs 24 hour care, my stepfather is looking after her and on the verge of breaking down, my sisters husband got diagnosed with cancer one week ago and will be in chemotherapy the next two months daily after the operation next week,… I am just writing this to say it is not suddenly all blissful and eternal sunshine…
But it got quieter.
The constant chattering in my head went away. Things get done, words are spoken - but in a way I am not involved.
Or very much involved, depending on the view. I burst into tears seeing a policeman organizing the traffic around the Corona-riots. Just out of admiration for him being so serious about organizing the traffic - and for the anti-vaccine-rioters for being so serious about their views… and for the pro-vaccine-rioters who were trying to prevent the riots with more rioting… Things are so serious and so not serious at the same time around me.
It got clearer to me that the „I“ is a construct of multiple minds (mine and others), a device which is fed by genetics and conditioning (and when genetics is seen as conditioning of the ancestors, then there is only conditioning left = learned patterns in reaction to secure survival which made sense once or still does).
Things are happening, I react, I get angry, I am sad, I am laughing, I say something or nothing - just without the noise in my head of figuring out how I will be secured in the future or ruminating about how I was doing in the past.
And so I go on listening to your podcasts - and every day a layer of the onion gets removed and it is a step deeper - or not - until it does again :-)
You've said that identity, creativity and money are made up of the same thing?
I'm still not clear so I'm going to take a stab at it and you tell me what you think? Straighten me out so I can get this...
Thought created - the identity (mind), what the identity thinks about money and what the identity thinks about creativity - all created from thought/conditioning/beliefs. It's ALL activity of mind.
And when you say the "same thing" besides being a product of "activity of mind" what the mind thinks about the identity is the same thing it thinks about creativity and money?
For instance, this identity here had the conditioning of I can't make money without struggle, I can only make a certain amount of money, I didn't go to the big elite universities where there are connections to other wealthy families, my family wasn't wealthy - so i can only make so much money.
Or I'm not really creative. No one in my family paints or dances or sings or sculpts or anything creative. So creativity isn't something I have. I'm NOT creative.
So those thoughts, beliefs, conditioning above about the identity/self and the identity's relationship to thoughts of money and creativity - ALL the same thing! One big masterpiece of limitation and suffering!
I’m also noticing a desire for this house cleaning (or weight loss/health) struggle to be serving some sort of higher purpose - or relating to struggle or lack of action in these spaces like it’s some sort of self-sabotage, but in the absence of a self…. it can’t quite be self-sabotage can it? And what’s the point to the identity of relating to one’s behavior as self-sabotage. Why would identity do that?
Listener question: I just realized how personally I take my husband’s criticism of our home (it’s a mess). And that got me thinking that it’s not just his criticism but my own criticism from within about what it means about me as a person, a mother, and a wife that the house is a mess. How is our own self-criticism not personal? Is it too just a learned pattern, and how does one learn that (or unlearn it)?
Can you talk about why each time there is suffering and resistance against something , it is an opportunity over and over again for healing? Is it that each time we see that the brain creates separation via the self concept - and this feels painful, and each time we see that it's a temporary creation then there is opportunity for healing? It feels like there's something missing here.
I’m curious, if there is no controlling I, who or what is it that decides to do the thing that Clare is saying to do? What makes the change from staying safe to taking risks? Is it just that as we see that it’s just a programme, there becomes more possibility within that programme? Or is it something outside the programme?
Interested in your responses, thanks
Listener question: If there's no decision maker and a learned programme is simply being acted out, how do we differ from an AI robot? We can watch the robot running it's programme just as we can watch our own programme running and we can watch the programme changing as the system learns. NLP is all about accelerating change within the neurological programme, a reprogramming of the system (presumably by another programme as there's no doer).
So, what does it mean to be human? We're aware that we're aware of course, but if we have no choices then there's a sense of so what? How do I actually differ from an AI or even from my dog? Are we simply a more intelligent AI vs other animals or certain robots?
I have a thing about doing the dishes. You have no idea how big a problem this can become. I have had a whole team of friends over to look at how I can fit in a dishwasher, where there really isn't space for it. I got the flat that I'm in because I could swear that there was space, when I went to look at it!
Sometimes I see that the aversion to doing the dishes has something to do with hidden thoughts behind it all. I could just leave the dishes right? But how will people view the illusary me if the place is a tip?
But it is not always like that. Sometimes I just do the dishes without any fight whatsoever, and sometimes I leave them without a thought.
So when I'm OK (or rest in okness) there i no aversion and no guilt. There is movement towards the dishes or away from them. But when "I'm" not OK there is aversion and a lot of guilt. Deep in it all I feel there is a true desire for a dishwasher (without attachment to wether I get it or not).
The same situation seems to be read moment by moment, and it can reveal widely different experiences.
I feel this is the same when creating content, and how I feel about people not responding. Sometimes I am not OK (embarrased, ashamed etc.), sometimes I am actually OK, and other times I feel OK, but really I am closed off, not curious, and disinterested in learning anything new. There is a deep desire to share underneath it all.
Is there always something in the way, when we don't get a good response? what am I not seeing here?
Listener question: I'm wondering if you have any thoughts around feedback when it's something we can't control. I have panic attacks at work and it impacts the effectiveness of my work. I think you're pointing to the fact that these are a learned response in the system and until I can see past the separation of my clients, this will keep happening in a non personal way. Would it be similar, as say I lost my arm and couldn't work any more, and so my mind loops in ways that make it impossible to do this job. I know it's not the very same as with the former, it really would be impossible and with the latter if I could see more it might still be possible.
I have had a tough time in my personal life. I was in a long distance relationship for 2 year with someone I adored. We hit a rough patch and decided to be friends but instead of that he has ghosted me. it has been around 6 weeks and i am having a hard time getting over it. I feel with what i know I should be okay by now. I have no idea why he has done it, no closure and i cry a lot. I cannot seem to get a grip even though i know there is no me to get a grip. Can you speak to this please if possible?
Do we always need to fall to the bottom to feel this enormous pain to change or at least seek change? As I listen to your work I understand that defensive systems are all set to defend what needs to be defended which looks real to us keeping us at Status Quo.
I have turned down a job offer for some genuine practical reasons but I can also see that I have retreated because of a perceived threat to my identity. A sense of lack and unworthiness was overwhelming. I saw the ‘wolves’ getting ever closer and felt unable to challenge them or look them in the eye!
I did find my voice to explain my reasons for not taking up the position, which in the past I would not have done- previously there would have been a resigned pushing and forcing, showing only commitment to the job no matter what the consequences. To some extent I think it was a ‘lose/lose’ for the identity as I’m now left with feelings of guilt! I can see that in trying to secure the identity and to end the turmoil and suffering, the mind still isn’t happy with the decision made and it will probably only repeat this pattern in another scenario that comes along!
I’d be really grateful for you talk about this in one of your podcasts and help me see more around this. A lot has been coming up for me in the last few months, ‘layers of the onion’ are being exposed and there is a willingness to look more closer at all these behaviours in a way that was unthinkable before.
I am loving reading WELL again, as we travel together through the VOICE course. Please could you read some VOICE relevant pages from WELL within a Podcast. That would really help pull this all together.
It has felt in the past like there was an I fixing myself whereas now, there's less of a sense of that. It's more like something arising by itself. My sense is that multiple 'I' characters are created each with its own narrative and patterns and we are identified with these 'I' characters until we see through them. Sometimes people see though the illusion completely and these self identities collapse in one go - like Syd Banks or Anita Moorjani, but often it's a slower process where one illusory character collapses while perhaps we're still identified with another? Do you see it like this or differently?
I'm curious about guilt. It's a long term pattern I have around my mum. I'm not sure if the feeling of guilt is old laid down energies, from a difficult childhood with her, working the way out of the system. O if it's a kick up the ass, as in that moment, I'm seeing my mum as someone seperate out there and the story is she shouldn't be like this/I'm not being a 'good' daughter. Or perhaps neither or both.
In the past I'd be avoiding or scrambling to make her okay but for now I'm showing up, being curious and being the space for the emotions. I'd love to hear thoughts about this, thanks
When I want to speak up for something I want in front of others e.g asking a builder to change something when he is halfway through a job because I was either : misinformed, I realise there is a better option OR I just don’t like something.
How do I navigate this communication cleanly and respectfully (for self and other) when i'm silenced by my freeze, fight or flight the situation. I get flooded with feelings of shame, self-apology and am scared of being seen as a hassle. Perhaps i would aks for the change and then still feel the same because of course it's nothing to do with them is it.
I suddenly lose clarity about what I want or what is right and if I'm just be reacting to a trauma of past feelings of powerlessness, fear of being misinformed and fear of having been silenced. What is the opportunity for me to see here and how do i not make ALL of it feel wrong
Listener question: I find your Subliminal offering interesting.
Then, in one of your podcasts (and, also my understanding), you mention that looking for answers in the world of form can keep us in alert mode?
I'm just wondering how you reconcile these two ideas ? I learned about Subliminal from one of my clients and I'd like to be able to understand your logic behind it please?
https://claredimond.com/realisation-nothing-to-realise/
I have a question about what has to happen for a person to change or at least seek change. Do people allways have to hit the bottom floor and face unbearable pain to get themselves in the postion to seek change? As I listen to your podcasts/Videos, defense mechanism & EGO sistems in place are strongly keeping us in the status quo. And grasping temporaly reliefs (outside ourselves) from discomforting feelings can just prolong needed realisations.
Listener question: The question I keep playing over is whether I need to know what my story is or just being aware that there is a story tied into identity is enough?
Whenever I try to investigate what the beliefs are that are keeping this fear of public speaking in place I go all over the place and whilst lots of thoughts are revealed I'm not sure what I am believing to be true.
Listener question:
Can you please do a podcast on the sense of feeling which is the only thing in the now. What happens when subjectivity gets involved in the feeling and distorts the felt sense of feeling from the story of feeling (what the mind wants to create from the feeling).
If one is feeling anxiety and feeling it in the body the feeling of constriction and tension in shoulders and is feeling it. Then the mind comes in and attachs a story to the anxiety and that story is seen and heard and the feeling of the sensations become obscured by the minds story.
Listener question: Simple question: Can NLP be useful alongside an exploration of non-duality?
Listener question: You have said and written something like the healing happens when the conditioning is revealed/becoming transparent.
I listened today again to the webinar on monday were you said that when the beliefs are being revealed they loose their grip. Is that the healing (or part of it)?
Please talk some more about the healing and how you see what is going on. You have been speaking something about trauma also. Will the loosening of the grip of the beliefs also transfer to what is contracted and stored in the body. May bee it is the combination of the vanishing of the beliefs and the just witnessing og allowing of the feelings and reactions (without judgement) that make the healing possible?
Listener question:
It seems like when a mind created story comes up, it‘s more convincing than ever, like how dangerous it will be to go on stage. Also some physical symtpoms are very strong.
Somehow I can observe how the story comes up, but then when I‘m in it, I‘m so much in it that I can‘t really see it as a story anymore. I‘m very scared that I will get stuck in the story and won‘t be able to observe whats happening anymore..
I don‘t know if I‘m making sense.. I think my „self“ is trying to cry for help, knowing that it‘s under threat..
What am I missing here?
Listener question: What exactly is 'honesty' ?.
I realised that if i met an old friend i could be 'honest' and say "i am a failure, i dont have children, i'm not married, I'm still dependant with no reliable income, I have 'gone nowhere, the world has moved on and i am the same as i was when we last met". Compared to all the 'movement' in her life i would feel like a loser. This would feel like my 'honest truth'. I would be sharing how i 'honestly' feel and see myself right now.
HOWEVER, i can also see that all i'd be doing is sharing the 'thoughts i'm believing to be true in that moment through the filters on how i am seeing my life'. I would feel i was being totally honest because those thoughts feel REAL.
The other option is i could 'act' and tell her all the things i have done that were successful and paint a better picture. These facts would also be 'true' but because i don't feel 'successful'and it isnt what i'm seeing right now i'd feel as if i was being 'dishonest' and 'fake'. This feels even further from authentic.
I can see that both examples are 'true' and both examples are 'fake'
I can see that all life events are neutral and so what we're really sharing are our self judgements and the meaning we have given those events, and what we are risking are the hidden judgements of others.
So WHAT does real 'honesty' look like if the thoughts that inform what we feel to be 'our truth in the moment' are actually only ever telling us 'lies' ?. Is sharing how we feel ever 'honesty' if our feelings are always only coming from our unreliable thoughts ?
Listener question: What I'm seeing with my expression and lack of, is a deep distrust of life i.e. that the expression I long to be truly isn't possible and it's best not to be proved right on that.
Choosing actions that allow full expression rather than keep a pretence that it's still at a distance and not yet available is what I want.
My concern with being a participant on your course is that I continue to stay in that story of I'm not there yet (wherever there is, I hope you get what I mean.)
So I'm torn. The content of the course sounds amazing and clearly I am still in the same old story living hand to mouth on Universal Credit etc.
But how long do I stay a participant for? Is that serving me?
Listener question: I do feel like it's groundhog day over here. Currently I'm gripped with fear. I'm trying to stay with the sensations and tell myself that any story I'm attaching isn't true. It seems like it is true that I keep having the same experience. The work I do is so intimate, and having panic attacks here is so difficult, but I guess that's what you mean about going in the other direction deeper into the story. I listen, and read and think 'oh yes, this makes sense and it's very true' and then there I am one on one at work and all of that flies out of the window and I'm stuck in another panic attack. The body/mind is so quick to go there, for many reasons (yes lots of evidence to back up the stories). I do also watch and notice. There's two tracks going on, one that goes down into the story and the other that looks at it. The former seems to win out as I dread the future scenarios stronger than I can see clearly what's really going on. I know it's all the things you talk about ie protection, control, pushing away experience, but that's where I'm at and seemingly not shifting.
There's something more for me to see around this no self present day accountability. I'll listen some more and see if any questions come to mind.
Listener question: I noticed that if I get stressed, that I try to "do the same thing" that worked last time. I sort of see that the last time something "worked out" it wasn't because I did something specific with the controlling mind. But at the same time I remember doing things like observing overwhelming feelings (which seems to have helped me a lot).
How do I not make this a technique? (which is definitely a question of a controlling mind..)
I am wondering if you could talk a little about comparison as compared to judgment. I see them as kind of the same thing - when I judge something I am seeing myself/projecting and when I am comparing, I am…what?
So in other words what is the difference between comparison and judgement? Thank you for any input you have.
Excerpt from
From the Heart by Nicola Drew
Explorations in consciousness and unconditional love
Not that long ago, I found out that someone who means a lot to me has been deceiving me for months, hiding the truth from me and essentially lying even though we had conversations about that and promised to be radically honest with each other! It hit me like a tonne of bricks. That truth, had I known it, would have changed almost everything in my relation to this connection, my decisions etc.
All of the sudden, since I found out, there was very much the separate me who was hurting and felt betrayed by this person, the separate other. I noticed that this has always been a huge thing for me. To know the truth and the thought of someone who I deeply care about hiding something from me (for mostly selfish reasons) that has to do with me and /or directly affects me brings a huge amount of anxiety after the fact, caused by the utter disbelief that that person I trusted fully could have done this to me. But it’s always only after the fact, when I think back to what happened. There is not distrust or anxiety when I enter any relationship, interestingly. I ask myself, what’s at stake here. Why when I find out someone I care about has been deceiving, the utter disbelief that they would do that TO ME and the anxiety that comes with that and then the self-blame for not seeing that are astounding!
It doesn’t even help knowing that in a way I’m a hypocrite, because I have hidden the truth from people I care about, I simply thought my reasons were noble! (Laughing at myself as I write this part).
The impact of it really caught me of guard as I never thought that something like this could hit me this hard anymore. I know that this is a personal story but I feel that I’m not the only one who’s been deceived or lied to by people who we care about so I thought others may benefit from you addressing this subject. I’d greatly appreciate that.
Listener question: I know you've talked before about no self accountability, so I assume that's what you mean. I'm not sure how it applies? Do you mean to take NSA for the things that are looking true and real to me that are creating suffering? I get that when we see something in our past where we've made a mistake we can apologize without any self blame as we acted according to the program running at that time but now see it for what it was, but I can only see how this applies when something falls away, but not what seems true in the present. Does that make sense? What does present day accountability look like?
Listener question: I guess I’m curious about your next course and the subliminal recording.
The only thing (or things) that hold me back are my concern that my symptoms will worsen during the course. The only reason I am concerned about this is that you mention it in your book Well. I am struggling a lot with my energy levels and I home school my child so I don’t want to get to the point where I literally grind to a halt! My other concern is (without sounding rude) I have done quite a few 3P course and read lots of books but haven’t found the elusive freedom that seems to be on offer. I don’t have a lot of spare cash but I am tempted to do your course and order a subliminal recording in the hope that I might get a bit closer to feeling better and having a easier experience of life.
But I guess there is no guarantee that I will see what you will be pointing towards, which is why I am hesitating.
As I said, I’m not really sure why I’m emailing you, I guess I want you to say that I will find freedom and I will see more, but obviously you can’t promise that.
So I guess I’ll press send and see what you feel inspired to say in response.
This is Day 3 of a 3 day mini series about clean communication. Each day is a different exercise to do.
If you are interested in going deeper into this topic of expression and authenticity, come and join us in November for the on-line course VOICE
https://claredimond.com/current-live-program/
This is Day 2 of a 3 day mini series about clean communication. Each day is a different exercise to do.
If you are interested in going deeper into this topic of expression and authenticity, come and join us in November for the on-line course VOICE
https://claredimond.com/current-live-program/
This is Day 1 of a 3 day mini series about clean communication. Each day is a different exercise to do.
If you are interested in going deeper into this topic of expression and authenticity, come and join us in November for the on-line course VOICE
https://claredimond.com/current-live-program/
I was just listening to a podcast about how to be in the best situation to be open to insight.
I heard, maybe incorrectly?, that you show up to whatever the situation is and bring a good feeling to it?
This has confused me a little, as firstly, I have recently seen that we are not in control anyway, so how can we control the feeling we bring to something?
And secondly, my brother has just had a cancer diagnosis, is it actually possible to bring a good feeling to that? I can see how I can ‘choose’ not to entertain the thoughts that pass through, add to them or catastrophise. But bringing a ‘good’ feeling to the situation seems like a doing rather than a being? If any of that makes sense?
I just wondered what your take was on this, I keep hearing that we are not in control and this felt like a bit of a contradiction, an area that I am obviously not clear on.
Does thought not create all feeling? I think there a space before thought? Any clarity on this would be great.
Listener question: I feel like my anxious energy is trapped in my body. It's usually there, I know there's still a lot more for me to see around who I really am, but is it a good idea to also try to release this energy? I know I've had childhood trauma (totally forgive my parents), and I also wonder if the constant panic attacks at work are a type of trauma as well.
Finances always come into play when it comes to therapy, so I'm wondering if yoga or something else that can be done in a class or alone, would be helpful? I'm not really sure if this is the separate self that wants to feel better, but maybe some body/minds need a two pronged approach. Do some clients go for acupuncture or reiki? I could swing a monthly treatment, and perhaps that's better than nothing.
Listener question: Since the courses I was in before a lot of awareness has taken place, sometimes I have something constantly lit up; an example would be: wanting recognition, needing to be noticed.
I have been listening to some podcasts that Tim Downs posted about clean questioning plus the additional one about impeccable words.
My question is how will the healing unfold?
I can clearly see how the 'recognigion' programing can be totally in awareness and therefore the rug is initially pulled, as it were. It's lit up there is nowhere to hide. But if we have the same old habit repeating, albeit with a lot less charge.. Why years later are we still experiencing the same?
[Follow up to 15 October podcast)
Thank you so much for your podcast on my question.
I‘m trying to write to you and describe what happened but I don‘t really know how. After listening to your podcast I cried for a while.. a space opened up. And things felt very different than usually before concerts.. almost to the point that I got suspicious if I should become more nervous again.. Afterwards I had a beautiful concert experience.
I almost feel a bit ungrateful to ask this follow up question but it seems somehow important right now..
If a concert is a moment where I get challenged to let go of my selfidentity.. What happens afterwards?
I noticed that after the concert I stayed in this amazing „open space“ for another two days. But slowly some habbits started coming back. I endet up occupying my mind with either TV or listening to podcasts, sort of trying to distract myself from something, but this time I didn‘t even know what I‘m trying to distract myself from..
I have two more concerts to play but I don’t have this clear vision anymore what needs to get done until then. Also I got a cold which is a thing that seems to happen quite often to me before important events..
I suspect that I‘m making up some stories there but can’t really see it.
It still feels like somethings are fundamentally different. I don‘t feel so tight and scared anymore.. it almost feels to me that I‘m scared of this new freedom. Is that possible?
Sorry for this long E-Mail..
My daughter, at University is having problems and it is consuming my thoughts at times. I see that I am in separation, there is a definite daughter and an actual problem to be solved,it also feels like I should be able, or its up to me, to solve it.
Last night I found myself wracking my brains to see where this conversation can help me. "It's just thoughts" kept coming to mind, which I argued with myself that I am actually a thought too and I have jumped on a hamster wheel of trying to fix things, be in control. Then the fork in the road picture came to mind, well I'm on the left fork, the right fork it where I need to be, so how do I get there? Thinking so hard to figure it out. As you can see the ways I have felt in the past in this conversation have deserted me in favour of the separate world.
In quieter moments I can see that I am identifying with her problems and
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thinking my anxieties have given her these thoughts, so she is taking after me, or
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I am using my experience and assuming her experience is exactly the same. I can see that I have knowledge that could help but am forcing it a bit too much. I find myself giving her suggestions I have not followed myself.
I really valued your two Podcasts last month on clean questions and have listened to them several times.
I see a link between don Miguel Ruiz’s most important First Agreement; Be Impeccable With Your Word and Clean Language/Clean Coaching.
Please can you expand further on what you mean by clean questions and where it originated?
I am just about to order Radical Candor and I wondered how that ties in with clean questions too.
Please can you share a further Podcast on this?
Listener question: Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of selfidentity.. I am a musician and will soon have some concerts that seem very important for my future. I don‘t feel prepared enough, I have this feeling that I really don‘t know what is going to happen and if I will be able to play the pieces or if I will be too nervous. At the same time, I know that I would have the same feeling even if I had more time to prepare.
I started wondering if playing in front of an audience kind of forces me to let go of the idea of who my self is. In the phases when I‘m freaking out about the concert the words „I‘m going to die“ crossed my mind a couple of times. I started wondering if thats actually what is happening: my self identity is questioned whether it‘s real or not, so there actually is a part of me that is under the threat of metaphorically dying..
Also it feels so weird that the thing that is most important in my life is the one that now scares me to death.
I‘m actually not really sure what my question is.. It just feels like such a massive risk to play. And I was wondering if you could share with me some thoughts on this.
Podcast to accompany today's blog post on the outside-in life
https://claredimond.com/outside-in-life/
Listener question: Can you speak to the mind's tendency to hear/label statements like "there is no other" or "there is no self" or "any thought isn't true, all thoughts are untrue" or "this world is an illusion" as denial or bypassing illness, injury, racism, and other harms in this physical world? Is this a slippery way for the mind to reinforce itself and be "right" with its insistence that there IS a world, people, etc.?
Or is the mind reinforcing itself when it avoids illness, injury, racism, etc. through using these statements? Both/And? No way to know?
I’m revisiting the material in the YOU course and during one of the lessons you spoke about the:
“Localisation of being in this apparent form”
I’m not sure that I quite understand what you mean! I get the second part, the apparent form, but can’t grasp what you mean by localisation of being! Would you be able to talk more about this on a Podcast sometime please?
I've struggled with being significantly overweight most of my adult life and I'm finding myself more and more confused about it. This conversation has helped me to see more clearly around other suffering and I feel much more at peace with whatever arises. However, when I'm suffering about my weight (which is often) and I look at what's true, I get confused. It is true that it's healthier not being so overweight, and then there's hunger, I don't know when it's real or habit etc. Also, when you say that genuine change can never come unless identification with self falls away I get scared because I wonder if my motives to lose are to secure the self. I want to lose so I can be healthier, feel better and go up stairs without getting out of breath etc., but I also want to look better in my clothes - so I wonder if I'm trying to lose for the "wrong" reasons. Can you shed any light on this?
This may have been answered before, but how do you know where to draw the line in relationships? I have been married for over 30 years. My husband regularly -maybe once a month or every couple of months - loses his temper and then will shout and swear at me. I have told him not to do that on many occasions, and how my ‘self esteem ‘ ( I know, intellectually, no such thing, if no self)then sinks even further because I don’t just walk out. But if all is inside out, it is my thoughts about the shouting and swearing, I could instead - in theory- feel compassion for his discomfort and stress. But the pattern is that I tend to freeze or shout back . Sometimes now I can just be present with it for a bit, but can’t maintain it, and it doesn’t seem to help much. But if we are supposed to be unconditionally loving of our partners, then I feel I should be able to accept this, when otherwise things are ok, and he has to put up with my almost constant anxiety and depression. ( and then the question arises , would I be different without the regular injections of bile) And I know that other people in my position probably wouldn’t give it a second thought and just brush or laugh it off, it’s probably just my insane overthinking and analysing that keeps me stuck. It feels like all the positive things are just wiped out when he behaves like that, but then that is me expecting inhuman perfection perhaps.
Thanks for your help
I was wondering if you could follow up on your recent Podcast about 'Who are we' to talk about what makes us unique?
Fundamentally we are all the same awareness, intelligence & energy made into form but what about personalities, preferences and skills? People in reality can seem very different - some people are more analytical and scientific whereas others are naturally creative or good at practical things. Where does this conversation sit with nature v's nurture? I like the idea that we all can do anything if we practise enough and that our abilities aren't fixed but how similar or different are we really?
I have been reflecting on the use of the terms consciousness/awareness which appear to be interchangeable in the way some teachers use them and life/animating force/intelligence. I have heard our true self as both awareness and life/animating force/intelligence and although I know they are all concepts I wonder if you could help me understand them as relative concepts a bit better or in fact if they are pointing to the same indescribable truth.
Can you speak more to how dissolution of the self concept, or the belief in it, makes us more of what/who we really are? Who are we if we aren't identified with the constriction of fear?
Thank you
I wanted to ask you about a lack of motivation for the conversation I have felt since dropping out of the STRESS course, I am doing the YOU course but feel I'm just going through the motions. I still enjoy and always listen to the podcasts, it seems to be the courses that are affected. When I dropped out of the STRESS course I could see that it was because the lesson (16) hit a nerve. I was having to face my biggest fear. I can see that it was part of SELF preservation but I'm getting caught up with SELF preservation and physical preservation.
The fear is around 1, having a seizure or panic and 2, having it where I am not safe e.g. on my own or somewhere I could inflict harm to myself and yes even die.
Point 2 is clearly a sensible thing to thing about but how does it fit in with point 1 they seem to be connected.
Life is also throwing connected things at me, like, an old friend has asked me if I wanted to meet, in an area I have felt anxious before and she thought it would be where I would be dropping of my daughter for work, so I have to say I don't do that anymore, I cant meet her and have to say why, that I don't drive anymore and that all my instincts are saying in ignore the message!! I know I'm withdrawing and most of these things can be worked around. I embarrassed about my situation and worry that she think she will be meeting the old Karen not this version. All Embarrassment, self consciousness, fear and helplessness.
Really want to hide from this.
Listener question:
Being at work I am acutely sensitive to other peoples moods, interpersonal undercurrents and not to mention so-called elephants in the room. It feels like my sensitivity is too open for this maybe unhealthy atmosphere. What am missing here, what's true? How can I feel safer in this environment?
For anyone waking up in the night or struggling to sleep. This podcast reminds us of the ultimate peace and relaxation of our true being.
Listener question: can you talk more about experiencing emotions without identifying with them or becoming them?
Your courses seem to provide a safe place to explore that the identity is not what we really are. So is that we are providing a support for the brain-body system so that the identity is less insecure that the information goes in? Or is it that when wholeness speaks to the wholeness the identity is simply less of a factor? both/and?
Hello, Just want to ask what you think of something that bothers me. Don’t really know why, but I’ll ask and if you don’t want to answer it’s ok. I don’t like subliminals. It’s not that I don’t like it, I would love it if I worked, and maybe it does, just like hypnosis,nlp,eft and so on. My thought is why do you use that, isn’t it to “risky” for you to get involved in “a technique”. What I come to like about 3p and non duality is that it’s vey pure, just our basic understanding of how we work as humans and how our experience of life happens. Hope you understand what I mean, I am not very good in writing in English. And I should say that I really love listening to you and reading your books. I’ll explain a little of my background, then my question maybe becomes a bit more understandable. I have like you had a lot of social anxiety. Some years ago I got tired of eating pills and started looking at alternative methods. First I tried hypnosis, seemed to be perfect, someone hypnotizes you and then the problem is gone. Didn’t work for me. Then I tried hypnosis Together with nlp. Didn’t work. Then I started to learn nlp, it was interesting but my problems just got worse. Tried different coaches, and lots of approaches like eft and so on. All of this just made my problems worse. Then I talked to a guy who pointed me in the direction of 3p and non duality. And this seems to be the most logical approach to life. I still have alot of anxiety in social situations but in some way it feels better, I guess I haven’t really got it jet.
I currently feel as though I'm putting in a lot of mental effort to be 'conscious' of my thoughts and to bring awareness to what is being believed and felt in the moment. It's like a huge amount of self-talk back and forth with the ego. Especially in those moments of heightened anxiety or in anticipation of future events, I am trying to coach myself or rationalise the feelings in order to calm down*. I definitely have an increasing level of awareness but it has not become natural or effortless. Is it likely to become more effortless in the future?
In relation to the podcast I have been noticing when I tell someone something, because of a hidden reason that I want to tell them.
For example, I may bring up to someone about me being busy on Saturday doing a bike ride because I secretly want them to know I am going biking. When they never asked and I could of just said I am busy on Saturday. That is not a great example however it happens all the time. It is not a clean response to an answer to someone’s question because I, for some ego based reason, want them to know what I am doing. Does that make sense?
My podcast question is does this go along with your clean response podcast? Because I notice I do it a lot.
I am unsure how to be in the relationship with this man whom i care deeply about but because of all thats coming to the surface around my sexuality and sense of feeling unworthy, i feel too vulnerable right now to sleep with him, but don't know how to tell him and ask for the space i need right now as its a big part of the relationship.
You said in podcast to just leave the relationship alone for now, which i agree with but unsure how to navigate this piece with him. Any thoughts appreciated.
Listener question: You may recall our conversation regarding my dilemma about moving. In brief: my partner had asked me to marry him a few months ago and so a move was on the cards and my daughter was very unhappy about this.
An update on that: last week we moved and my daughter started her new school. Sadly she hates it. She has cried and cried and cried (as have I) the entire week. We've barely slept or eaten. Myself and my partner have been into school and had extensive meetings and the school have put a robust system of support in place for her. My partner has been brilliant with her and of course she's getting a lot of support from me. So from that respect she is not alone.
None of that changes the fact that she hates it. She says no-one speaks to her apart from one girl (but she doesn't see this girl all of the time because they are in different lessons). So she is largely alone during the days. I don't think there is anything wrong with the school and I don't think the kids are being deliberately mean, I think she is just feeling so vulnerable, out of her depth, misplaced, scared, insecure, lost, shy, awkward etc. that it's so hard for her to connect with anyone- and of course the more she feels alone the less she feels she can join in and the worse it is- so it's a vicious cycle.
She says she's living a nightmare and it's killing me witnessing it.
I'm considering moving back because I can't stand to see her suffer like this but there is a part of me that knows with love and support that I shouldn't run away from the suffering, and that neither should I be taking it away from her necessarily. My partner is not in favour of us or her (there is an option for her to live with her relative) moving back. He feels we should work through this with her and help her get to the other side. I see that point, but I am finding it very hard to see her suffer and I want to make things ok for her again.
I feel so lost with this. Is there anything you can see that might be helpful?
Can you say more about when there is a trojan horse request where the outside superficial ask is hiding a deeper, what most of us would call an unconscious, ask? For example if I were to post repeatedly in a facebook page seemingly to be helpful and really a deeper desire is to be seen or approved of.
Why would we listen to, or ask for, the unconscious ask when emotions and thoughts are so transitory? Why take that unconscious ask seriously? Aren't both coming from an insecure self?
Listener question: I had a falling out with my friends several years ago. Should I contact them to try to reconcile?
Clare said on the last webinar something like, "Nonduality teachers say there is nothing to do but there are things we can do to settle the mind.". What things can be done to settle the mind?
Listener question: what are the pros and cons of the COVID vaccine from the 3P perspective?
In July i began to listen to the subliminal you made for me.
The funny thing is that my ego construct is a bit afraid to listen to it.
It seems to me this is an attempt to control and protect the self identity..
I still listen to it but i was wondering if you heard this before and what you think about this.
Finding the concept of the self being pre-programmed into the system fascinating. I can see how the incredible ability to conceptualise is key within society and all the incredible things that have come from it. But I wonder if you could talk more about if there is a point where the evolutionary benefit of having the avatar/self is outweighed by the suffering/threat to survival of having an avatar/self. Hope this makes sense?
In meetings at work I often find myself very self conscious and so I don’t often speak. I try to force myself to but i feel awkward and even more self conscious. How can I stop feeling like this?
Dear Clare,
If someone has spent most of their life dancing between fight, flight or freeze and living in the survival mode. It is likely that this may have taken a toll on the physical body at the cell level. If, as a result, the cells are no longer to work optimally this suggest that the cell trauma might then limit a persons connection to their 'life energy' and even an ability therefore to connect to their 'truth'. Literally, as if the cell 'processor' for truth and life energy is worn out. In your view, if the body isnt functioning very well at that cell level, does that inhibit being able to 'access the back room' and is there a place for taking things like 'bio-hack' health supplements, etc OR should we leave alone and trust that our bodies 'innate' built-in health repair system is 'on the case'. Is healing at the physical level more about letting go of the resistance and conditioned patterns and getting our minds out of the way OR does taking bio-hack type supplements, etc support us in changing conditioned patterns from stored trauma in the body.
Listener question: the professional coaching world I've lived in (up until now) was about choice and who I was being, etc... What would you love to create? How would you like to feel? Your reality comes from how you think so change your thinking!
How does that make sense based on what I'm seeing here with you and our group? Presence. Love. Awareness...
I read books that talk about choice and living with intention around Who do I want to be? Or how do I want to feel? Your feeling state if a choice. Would you share your thoughts on this? Is there a way to reconcile these two "worlds"?
Listener question: I'm curious if when the 'self' (as a mental concept) dies ... does it die once and thats its we can't go back seeing that 'self' as real ever again OR is it more a process where it continues dying and birthing, dying and birthing over and over again through our whole life OR is it more that it crumbles away slowly over time but onces its fully crumbled that' it.
I am in a lot of self-inflicted emotional pain and hoping maybe as a topic for one of your podcasts you could talk about conditioned beliefs around sexuality and self-worth. I have been in a relationship with someone for nearly a year and theres not been a declaration of love or wanting commitment from me from him but we are exclusive.
I think that because of my conditioning in childhood I have been unable to ask the question and ask for what I need from him and also believe my inherent worth to him is in the bedroom. But are all those just thoughts and not true? Then why does it feel the relationship manifests that way?
I don’t know whats true anymore and feel very stuck in what to do around my communication with him regarding this and our relationship moving forward. How do i get unstuck and ask for what i need when i dont feel i deserve it?
For more information on our YOU in TEN course click here: https://claredimond.com/current-live-program/
To join our course 'YOU in ten' which starts today click here https://claredimond.com/current-live-program/
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My question is this: I make art. I can see that in part, this is driven by a desire to impress and make myself feel ok. I started doing this after a particularly bad break up and it has become a large part of my identity, proving to myself that I am worthwhile and have something to say. At times it feels like I'm torturing myself, trying too hard, and not being able to achieve the things I want to. At other times my art feels really free and joyful. At these times it seems to be coming from somewhere outside of me. For some reason I value the art I find difficult to master more highly than the stuff that comes very naturally to me. How can this learning help me to create more consistently from a place of freedom rather than striving and lack? Should we keep trying to do things that are so hard they make us feel awful?!
I've done a couple of online courses with you. Although they resonate with me, i still feel very stuck. I know that fixing isn't the solution. Because i've tried a lot of fixing. So i have (and really want) to take the healing road. Problem is that i don't understand this process. It feels like i have to do something to heal, but i don't know what.
Exploring how 'being right' is an addiction of separation that obscures the love, presence and potential for change that we really are.
Exploring personality - introversion and extroversion
For details of the September on-line course click here https://claredimond.com/current-live-program/
i'd love you to make another podcast about it which would give me a more practical answer if possible ... For example how true acceptance works, will it calm down the mind or i will still have a scattered mind but i will be able to focus despite my scattered mind?! and i'd also love to hear if you had similar issues and how you managed to get things done?
Can you please do a podcast on listening to others while our own dialogue is happening. Even though I am aware of it, it is so easy to get caught up in it.
Listener question: what slightly confuses me is this ...
i see that our nervous system is the thing that tells us we are in or out of capacity right - and so if it is constantly in freeze then its tell me i'm out of capacity somehow - its not that the nervous system is flawed or needs re-programming because thats just the 'alarm' isnt it or can it be 'broken' and not responding correctly or stuck 'beeping' like an actual firealarm does ?
Sometimes it feels like these things, for example, working with all the 'internal parts and voices' or somatic experiencing programmes or Vagal reset programmes are caught up in trying to 'fixing the alarm' rather than ever dealing with the cause of the smoke or teaching us how to understand what the alarm means and is trying to tell us ... does that make sense ?... what's the point of keeping reseting the alarm if the smoke is still there ... it would be dangerous to reset the alarm. Or is the alarm telling us there IS NO SMOKE (trauma) or that the alarm itself IS the smoke
I guess we HOPE that these programmes are about the fact the alarm got stuck 'on'/'off' or jammed at some point in the past when smoke was billowing out (or percieved smoke) and so now it isnt available as a system to give us accurate messages anymore about our reality or if there is smoke in the present moment.... BUT to just learn somatic experiencing tools to switch the alarm off because we dont like the sound when it's on then whats the point of that and isnt that missing the point of the purpose of the nervous system. I'm getting confused about how to Know if there is any value in it all that helps to get to the back room with all this... or if these 'practical somatic things' just confuse the system more... and are the mind trying to interfere in the process or outwit itself when it cant.
Listener question: So if the selfing patterns are established over years of habitual thinking (Neurons that fire together wire together) does it require a certain amount of willpower to not slip into these patterns? Or is willpower an activity of the self as well?
You often speak of beliefs and behaviours falling away, does this happen through witnessing patterns and staying with uncomfortable feelings in the body alone?
Is vigilance needed at this point to not slip into storymaking?
Still have to look into it more. I feel a sense of where you are pointing at but my head is busy with it. It is like when I am teaching Dutch. I just do Dutch all the time. Now I have to explain Dutch I go deeper in that language and my head is busy with the rules and I get confused about the language I just do when I am not teaching/thinking about it.
Love Ingrid
Listener question: I'm wondering if you could guide me in some way. I have financial difficulties so I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself in the area of work. I have insecurity issues which tie into this. In particular I wanted to ask you about feeling insecure around certain clients. I see that I feel less than them and then tend to have panic attacks with them. I can see that it's thought and I try to dig into the, "why do I feel less than them?". I can see what's happening here and yet I don't think I'm in the observing mode. It all comes down to separation, but do we at some point see thru this clearer if we keep questioning it? I've been doing that for years and logically I can see it, but I think the programme is very strong and so perhaps something else has to clue in.
Listener question: I think resentment comes about as I have to suppress rage all the time. It’s a very disempowering place to be in as a woman. Aren’t we colluding with thousands of years of suppression of female power/rage when we say it’s all our own creation, therefore all our own fault?
Somehow, you made the jump from the three principles to this non dual approach. I suspect insight was part of your early and later experiences. Yet, I would love to know more about your evolution. Reading “Real” and listening to this course and the “Real” Course did not give me the clue as to your initial moments and how you jumped over the gap between traditional 3 P to non - dual inside out.
I struggle many days with trying to fill a void that in reality doesn't exist. Searching from the outside to make me feel whole on the inside. Depending on others to bring me happiness that never comes. I need more help to become happy within myself. Any ideas to share with me?
Could you podcast on whether there’s a connection between seemingly separate pieces of learning. Can learning/conditioning be compartmentalised or is it like the skeleton; ‘the hip bone’s connected to the thigh bone’ etc. And if they are connected, might attention on one ‘area’ of conditioning shine light on other areas, gradually or suddenly revealing the whole structure of the made-up self even as it’s dissolving?
Can i just ask for a heads up ... i have done your Change and Stress courses .... i am observing things in the way you suggest ... i notice i am suddenly freaking out big time because i have a tiny kitten arriving ... this feels like a huge thing for me as i already live in a hoarders chaos and find it so hard to manage things in the material form i am really worried that this is just me ADDING to my pattern of chaos and disorder . So that not only do i have a chaotic hoarders house thats full of boxes, piles, building materials and hardly managable .. but now i'm adding in a kitten to make it all WORSE and more extremely out of control chaos. Sometimes i stand in my home surrounded by this insurmoutable chaos and feel like i'm in a mensa test that is way above my IQ level - i literally dont know where to begin with it all and attempts to move forwards just seem to have me adding more chaos ... what if this kitten arriving isnt a positive change and is me just 'staying the same' and adding in more extremes ! - does that make sense. How do we know if somehting is a good change or just more of the same to ensure staying the same and not changing. It really feels like this is 'stirring' something up and testing me on some level ... as if all my futile attempts to keep on top of anything and stay in control will just 'go out the window' and push me over an edge. How can we know if somehting is us moving forward or backwards ! ... at this point i really dont want more of the same! and so long for sanity and an ordered living space!
Listener question: Thank you for the stress course, unfortunately, I have taken a break from this one. It amazes me I have never found this before but STRESS has really hit home, which I know is not a bad thing but has put me in a much more cautious mood and I have stalled at day 16. I do hope to go back to the course and am confident that I will continue.
I can only offer this as evidence that you have created a brilliant course as it has found its way to the route of my stress/anxiety. My hesitancy, from my fear of really facing my fears and asking the Why question, is seen and felt and noticed. I mentioned this to my buddy which resulted in a smack in the face realisation of a link between a childhood stressor and today's issues and was awash with tears, although when I try to recall it now I find I can't.
The next day was one of the highest stress/anxious days I have had for such a long time. I have made a link between these events which I think has stopped me wanting to carry on and to be honest even stopped me wanting to speak to my buddy anymore. (this withdrawal is a pattern that has created so many of my limitations)
I see this all but do feel an overwhelm like a wave going over my head, but I will pop up the other side.
Are you able to speak about this 2 steps forward, 1 step back that I have experienced throughout my time on your courses? I feel understanding is most definitely there and the wall of fear I had has many breaks in it now, I still have worries there will always be part of a wall there, its so beyond belief that freedom is available for me.
Listener question: There's appreciation for this opening up and suddenly a sadness that there are many statements that seem like clarity that, if shared, may spark confrontation for the listener. I imagine that you aren't coaching all people all the time in your life and that you maybe have close loved ones who are very much in the world of free will exists and a self is the doer - do you mostly stay silent with people who are not in this conversation and simply use whatever shows up as new information as your own ego confrontation?
Looking at Dr Gabor Maté's quote:
“A therapist once said to me, “If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time.” It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since. If a refusal saddles you with guilt, while consent leaves resentment in its wake, opt for the guilt. Resentment is soul suicide. Negative thinking allows us to gaze unflinchingly on our own behalf at what does not work.
Listener question: I work for the NHS. So we are basically asked, on a continual basis, to ‘ fit a quart into a pint pot’ . So that is a ‘form’ problem, with a solution- another pint pot. But that is not on offer, and it is not an option to say it’s not possible and walk away, because the patients will suffer. So not sure how I can help colleagues , it looks intrinsically stressful, not just ‘ our thinking’ . As one Dr tweeted recently, it shouldn’t be the case that it feels like a luxury to be able to have a wee on a 12 hour shift.
We have a range of health and well-being initiatives, but to me it feels a bit insulting when basic needs are not met, so would be grateful for any insights. I can see that not everyone finds it equally stressful, for some it’s just ‘ working in the nhs’ , but ……
Listener question: Just wasn’t clear how the cleaning up happens. Is it the seeing, or transparency, that does the cleaning up? I guess that’s what’s implied in your podcast, but thought I’d check if that’s what you mean.
For me, every action can be seen/interpreted as self playing out, but perhaps this cleaning up subtly changes actions over time.
Listener question: I listened to your podcast this morning. This concept of freeing ourselves from the illusion of the self to 'be what we really are' is something I find difficult to understand. Is it even possible to know 'what we really are' without some underpinning of what we mean by 'we'? If my concept of my 'self' - complete with all its baggage and cultural conditioning and prejudices etc - is an illusion of some kind, behind which lurks a more real, authentic entity, do we not risk falling into some kind of Cartesian duality whereby the 'who I really am' has somehow been occluded, or forgotten by the 'persona' of my conditioning? The conclusion seems to be that 'who I really am' is not my 'self' in the way that I ordinarily understand that term but something else, the proverbial 'ghost in the machine', a concept which I thought had been abandoned long ago.
Can you help to clarify this a bit more?
"If there is no 'self' then what is really going on in the often critical sounding expression 'to be self-obsessed'. Is this really just a term used to point out that the mind if caught in believing there is a 'self' and is 'obsessed' with trying to examine itself. A pointless loop and hence the appearance of obsession that arises as the mind desperatly tries to find the escape route from its percieved self. When caught in apparent 'self obsession' is this something we are in control of or want to aim to avoid or is it leading us to 'gifts' ?
Hi Clare. Now on your stress day 7 you ask to go back to our childhood. And that situation is indeed at the origin of what I still live today. As a very young child I was honest and dared to say 'No' to my grandmother who was raising me, my sister and brother while my parents worked day and night. I was often punished and hit by my grandmother because I was not a 'nice girl'. She convinced my mother to take me to a doctor because I was not normal in her eyes. I was too lively myself and spoke freely. My mother was very afraid herself of her own mother and could not stand against her to protect me. So I adapted myself to others - made me small and said 'yes', just ot be 'good enough'.. I depended on the grown-up ones to survive; to be loved and to be worthy of getting love and attention . Later as an adult myself, I was not able to have a healthy relationship with a partner. I had 3 broken relationships with 3 men I loved. In the beginning, I adapted to them all to be loved - afterwards I revolted and felt guilty at the same time. After too much fights I was always the first to leave , because I could not stand to be left alone or to lose my loved ones . At that time my sister past away , then my brother, my father and mother. They all died and I felt completely left alone in this world. I never, ever wanted to feel this feeling again! So I chose my present partner out of security reasons. I'm not attracted to him and his behouviour irritates me terribly. But he is safe, will never hit me and never leave me. So I forced myself to stay with him - eventhough I missed really loving someone very very much. I judged myself to be weak., and tried to believe my own lies. You will learn to love him. I'm living this inner daily fight for more then 10 years now and has cost me a lot of stress and physical pain we talked about last time. I asked myself now the same question, my grandmother did years ago: what is wrong about me? Why can't I be in love with a nice man? A was for many years mad at my grandmother and worked with therapists on this. I'm not mad at her anymore. But my inner lens through which I see life hasn't changed. Clare, I'm sorry I didn't tell you all this details the last time I wrote. I was too ashamed to tell. Can you help me to see and honour my lens?
I wanted to reach out to you about some changes I have noticed for me lately.
I am really feeling confused at the moment with feeling of stress.
1. That said I don't know if the course is a cause of stress to me or that the way my mind is flip-flopping around. I just can't seem to focus I seem to have gone away with the fairies, The only think that is clear is that I don't feel I know who I am anymore, sometimes its like when I hear my own voice it doesn't sound like me.
The one really interesting thing that came up this week was something my epilepsy nurse said at annual appointment. "On reflection Karen, you were experiencing such stress 5 years ago when this started......" I would have said to you at the time I was very busy or had a lot on, I never thought I was stressed, yet from my accounts to her it seems that's exactly what was happening.
- What can be done to help people who don't recognise that they are stressed - this has just made me think of my mum and how she always says we have to "just get things done" never did I find this harsh but it could really have fed in to that thinking. (sorry that just came to me).
Have you got anything you can put on a podcast that can help me understand points 1 and 2?
This podcast is a response to a question on facebook about this comment: 'Any revelation will come in what that doing was meant to achieve for the self if anything…'
Listener question: I'm listening to the 1:1 conversations from the Change course. In one of them, you say the following:
"The stuckness of mind is reflected in the stuckness of health or body, or the stuckness of surroundings or the stuckness of relationships, it's dynamic."
I have not yet noticed a lot of shifting in the area where there's been a lot of stuckness around finances/work. There's motion but it almost seems like it's happening outside of me...unintegrated somehow. The mind is very sticky still. I don't really understand what's happening there.
Where I have noticed a lot of shifting is with the body. I've started swimming twice a week in addition to nearly daily walks, I've managed to drink at least 2.5 L of water a day on top of tea and coffee and a smoothie. There's also been shifting in relationships where time with friends has involved more personal sharing than usual. And the movement of the body is happening despite the mind saying "I don't want to go swim" or feeling queasy or having fears "did I say something wrong" after time with a friend.
Is this what you mean when you say that motion in one area ends up leading to motion in another? So there's freedom showing up in the body and in relationships and some of that stuckness of mind is moving too?
Listener question: I can't see my head except when I look in the mirror. So when I see someone else's face, I don't think, that's me. Is that because we learned this? We are all one means: we are all one in the way the systems works? Not in form. So to realise that is were forgiveness starts? You are not doing this to me, you are just doing (in form). Or there is just doing and here it is seen as done by another person.
Like someone says: you are stupid, you shouldn't have done that. That is just what there is and without making it personal, both sides, a fluid reaction will come? And if not I can see that I made it personal. And the more I see that, the more it will fade away?
What if the mind uses this understanding for sabotaging its own glimpses of understanding?
There were glimpses and openings to a more peaceful, joyful way of being in the past. And since the change course there is an observation of of relentless negative activity of the mind, attempting to destroy this loving, joyful bodymind in myriads of ways. It feels like once the mind is in its old conditioned neuropathways it’s impossible to get out of there. Especially when I’m doing things that are there to be judged by everyone.
The pure observation of these patterns didn’t dissolve them , it’s just very painful to witness.
What is not seen here that keeps these unhealthy patterns so firmly in place?
I just can’t help wondering why on earth we were designed this way?! It seems human nature has evolved (probably) to become really complicated, so that we need to spend so much time in discovery of our true self rather than that being the default. What’s anyone’s thoughts on that?
Just completed the final lesson of the Change course. Thank you Clare for a wonderful journey. The exploration of the personal identity was especially useful. It seems that as you say it has enormous evolutionary advantages. We just need to learn how defending a concept is never going to succeed. My only suggestion is that if you focus less on the construct that is our body/mind system it would be easier for some of us to see beyond it.
I was wondering if you could do a Podcast about gaining weight, food and the stress around it?
I wish I could just eat 3 meals a day, enjoy it and not think about gaining weight. Instead I do not eat a proper meal, snack the whole day (specially now in Home Office), constantly think about food and keep beating myself up that I do not eat a proper meal. The excess calories I gain with the snacking I compensate with sports (which too is no fun anymore). The thought of gaining weight is terrible. I feel it is again one of your "Catch-22“: I am stressed about eating a packet of chips and cookies instead of a proper healthy meal - and then I calm my stress with eating more chips and cookies…
I know it sounds like I am joking with myself - but still, I would love some insights around it!
I’ve been thinking about this “self-compassion” idea and wondering what you make of it, how the non-dual understanding would see “self compassion” especially if there’s no self to be compassionate toward, and how to talk about it.
What I am confused about is the "awareness/consciousness" as my true self. I feel I don't know or don't experience consciousness directly. I experience or sense it only from what I am aware "of", and not from an actual space or knowing of conciousness.
When I ask myself who am I, I am aware of myself asking, and I am aware of being aware of that asking. It doesn't go anywhere, all I see is layer upon layer upon layer of thought created through me. It feels like all I am is always thought... and I'm aware of that too being another thought.;)
I'm laughing now, as I re read this, it all sounds so ridiculous. I think I'll send it anyway.
Listener question: Another question: my brain is overloaded and my heads hurts all the time (so is the rest of my body - + heart rythm disorder). (. The questions you ask in the second recording "What is at steak "can't be answered anymore(I did it in the past with the help of coaches over and over again and found a lot of answers). My outside situation has changed and is better, but my brain stays overworked as if it is continously looking for a way out and can't find it. It still believes those needs, insecurities, fears and grief. So it keeps me in an emotional rollercoaster. My brain will never find a solution for this - so I skip the question: what is at steak" and just go on...
I understand/read from/in your book Well, that pain in the body is information about the system. Like a red warning light it is drawing attention to that part of the system. The signal of pain is designed to bring the attention into the body, into this moment, into reality. So instead of making mystery out of it, placing it in the future, the past, etc. what I am familiar with :), so not to use it as evidence as you write, and if so, no problem, it has no meaning, though, no truth, no information.
The example of the King and the soldiers, bringing the King information about impenetrable lands. Just honoring the soldiers (pain, information bringers) instead of doing something with what the information is/figuring it out (which I don't know about pain)? Is that what you are saying? Like I am busy figuring out the pain instead of seeing it as a system sign in that moment and that is it?
Honoring like "my system is working" and that is it? Then no panic and the next move will appear. Is that it?
Listener question: when we truly stop resisting the feelings that arise in us when confronted with 'anger or angry people' (or other emotions) ... do we then (as a side effect) appear in general to draw less experience of meeting 'angry people' into our lives. ?
Listener question:
Can you talk a bit about how the mind sometimes has information? A common theme I hear in some of the podcasts is that "the mind doesn't know" and that's linked to the fact that the mind is the brain creating a self identity at the same time there is intelligence moving the body and creating action.
Sometimes it seems the mind brings an idea forward, and while it may have layers of selfing suc ahs "is this a mistake, will someone be upset, what will they think of me, etc." there is a thread of information in whatever idea is coming forward. For example, I facilitated a first meeting with a new team yesterday and the behavior that showed up was rushing and interrupting people. While it was a productive meeting, the mind brought forward a preference of not wanting to do it that way because it can lead to folks feeling shut out. This has ingredients of selfing, and also useful information of a preference. It was all afterwards, so in that case "imagined" and this still seems useful.
Thank you!
Listener question: I have a couple of questions which you might like to address in a podcast or two sometime?
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I’m curious to know how religion sits with this conversation, any religion I guess, but particularly the Church of England?
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If we are spiritual beings having a human experience, how do we transition, how will our true essence remain infinite when we no longer inhabit this current human form? I realise it’s impossible to know the answer but I’m interested to hear your take on death and the afterlife!
Listener question: Hi Clare You have said a few times that we have thousands of choices, but no free will. I understand why you say that, as we can only do what makes sense to us given the understanding/belief we have at that moment, but could you please say more about what you mean by “free will”?
Listener question: Are we really ever against reality "out there" or are we allways just against our thinking? How does this apply to bullying boss.Am I experiencing him bullying me only because of my thinking?
Listener comment: I have a Non Dual question:
This is one of those questions that I don’t know if it is one, or an observation.
The direct path of presence to, and enquiry in to, the suffering, shows, or simply dissolves that strand, or layer. If life presents the awareness to do this, then it gets done, or it doesn’t.
The concern is over using this a a tool to get enlightenment, and creating a dog chasing its tail, but missing the point that nothing is ever chosen. I want to be rid of suffering, but life will continue to present reflections of this identity for as long as it is here.
I think I am faltering on this as I cannot believe the peace I feel after relinquishing COVID control over my family. I’ve let them go, to do as they see fit, without all my hours of research and evidence to protect them, which they don’t believe anyway, as it happens. Can it be that I am finally free to face grief, if it comes? Something that I have run away from for decades, and Control?
What if Billy Boy and his crew have their way? What if this mass agreement on a potential outcome, two potential outcomes: Great Reset vs Rebellion and natural order, is the reflection of inner fears (of course it is), that may manifest or not? I cannot influence conditioning, full stop.
What you have been saying all along is true.
This, is the only way. Come what may.
I’m feeling threatened. I will always feel threatened. Lol
For more information or to join our July on-line course STRESS, getting real with challenge, please click here
Listener question:
hi Clare - It seems like denial to me to bring in any discussion of thoughts and beliefs when it comes to stress. My circumstances are really bad at the moment. It is that causing the issue not beliefs. To say otherwise is actually dangerous as you are saying I’m making it all up...
Listener question: Am still struggling to understand the ‘what’s at stake’ part of going deeper and being curious and feeling the feelings. I feel like there are so many patterns and conditioning bubbling to the surface to be seen, but when I ask the question ‘what is at stake’ I come up with an answer and I don’t know if it’s true. Or my mind just making something up? Or I just hit a brick wall. Can I give you an example please…. I get really anxious on hot days. I endlessly check the weather to see what it’s going to be like and if it falls into my narrow band of ok weather it’s a sigh of relief, if it’s over 22 degrees I feel the contraction of anxiety and start worrying about it before the day has actually arrived. I even check the direction of the wind because if it’s from the south it’s a major disaster! I wake up anxious about the hot day to come. I have done this forever. I watch myself doing it now, the checking, the worry thoughts, the anxious feelings, and I ask myself what’s at stake here? Somewhere something is telling me that I think people pass out in the heat and that might happen to me, that I look awful with a sweaty head and hair, that it means I should be at the beach or in the country having nice sunny days out and that’s impossible right now because of high anxiety levels. There’s so much story to this one thing! Am I on the right track with this Clare. What’s at stake is the idea of myself passing out, looking sweaty, mid panic on a beach in front of hundreds of people? It all about how this imagined idea of me should look and act? Sorry if this sounds crazy and confusing.
To find out more or to sign up for our July 2021 programme, STRESS, getting real with challenge please click here
Listener question: Dear Clare
I believe that I have heard you say in your courses that we never want suffering to end. Could you please say more about that and how suffering is a gift?
The concept of the fork implies a choice and someone who makes the choice to go left or right. But i notice that when the ‘me’ tries to make this choice, it gets messy. When I reflect on that, i think it is kinda obvious why that is the case: a me that is making a choice consists out of thoughts about a self image, choices and forks. So that is the mind taking the left route. I also notice the ‘urge’ to ask things like “how can I..” , “what can I do..” but that is also the left route.
So here I am. Wanting to ask what I can do to take the right route, but also having a slight understanding that this question leads me to the left route. Thinking that it is super complicated, but also contemplating about that the right route is less then complicated: it is just what is. It is experience minus complicated thinking.
Well, now that I wrote this down i might as well send it to you. I think I kinda answered my own question but maybe you have a reflection about it.
Creation has always been a struggle. Now I understand the depth of confusion around identification. And as you suggest, it seems to originate at school. The profound need for validation borned from the possibility of failing, being wrong, or even worse: insignificant. These days I have brief moments of lightness, but the habit of creating in order to prove myself (or find some kind of security/satisfaction) is still quite strong. I think of the crossroad image you shared and wonder how "doing" can be the way out of identification when it seemed to have always been it's confirmation.
Maybe this can serve a podcast episode?
Listener question: I have had a huge shift in my happiness and peace of mind since discovering the 3Ps. Now I feel drawn to teach and coach. How do I know if that is what I should do? How did you know? Ask where / how would I begin? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Listener question: 'My issue is basically experiencing debilitating fear. Just to explain......To date I have elected not take up the offer of vaccines in relation to the current pandemic. This decision is based on my own research and I do not judge those that have done differently. I see a time very soon (I know future thinking) when the unvaccinated will be unfairly discriminated against for their decisions. I wondered if you can speak to this fear Clare?
Primarily, I think it’s around being unfairly judged, blamed and punished (Wow - as an aside Clare, even typing this made me well up) by many who have chosen a different road or those that impose the rules.
Secondly, I’m afraid of where this is going, Our civil rights are changing, the impact on society of lockdowns imposed whilst many experts are being ignored.
Thirdly, I fear, the outcome if the government blame the unvaccinated for the continued restrictions, in the same way symptomatic spread was Incorrectly targeted.
I’m trying really hard to pinpoint this Clare....it’s around a fear of standing out, being unfairly judged, blamed and punished and the abuse of power/trust. When I speak of fear, it can present as all consuming ‘terror‘.
this is a fear of judgement, physical punishment (harm) and abandonment. But more importantly as an adult, it’s how it manifests in the body.... how debilitating and fear inducing those sensations are that seem to render me in fight or flight.
These can be triggered easily, ie just being in the spotlight etc. Could it be possible this has nothing to do with the pandemic???
Listener question: I participate in your June course. You speak about going deeper. Can you elaborate on the proces of going deeper? What is it? How does one do it?
What I hear in this is that one becomes silent and witnesses what is playing out ‘behind the scenes’. Scrutinise your thought. But everytime I ‘do’ this, I get stuck in the weeds. Like I get sucked in the fantasy world of thought and I don’t hear the birds singing and feel the sun on my face. Same thing with deliberately feeling what is going on: then I seem to get sucked in anxious feelings and ramped up thinking. Few years ago I was very committed to seeing what was going on behind the scenes, and that resulted in being very depressed and deeply sucked in to a world of thought. For this reason, right now I’m a little step away from just stopping with this course.
Would it be fair to say that the primary characteristic of disidentified creation is the state of flow? When I am simply delighting in how the line or the colors unfold on the canvas, or thrilling to a particularly delightful turn of phrase that has just emerged from nowhere. Or, is that yet another elaborate trick of the identity claiming not to be there? In other words, is a “pure“ state of flow even possible? Or are we , as in many other things, always dealing with both the awareness and the Lego figure?
I am writing with a question that is not so much for myself that I ask as for another who has seemingly been in a state of constant crisis for the last several months. The constant agitation of her mind has her body in perpetual overdrive, which leads to a lot of misery and loss of sleep. She is quite frightened by the whole experience and even wondering whether there ever will be a solution and whether life is worth living.
That preamble sets the stage for my question. For those who are so caught up that they simply cannot sit with the suffering, would it not be helpful to point them in the direction of what is working. The little miracles of sunshine coming through the window in the morning; fragrance of the 1st cup of coffee; The joy of watching children play in the park. These are just random examples that fall into the category of general gratitude. I know for my part that the only reason that I don’t get totally sucked into my thinking anymore is because I am so deeply savoring all the other aspects of my life.
The main appeal for me of your style of teaching is that you build bridges: the bridge to the first step followed by a bridge to the second step… And the third… And before you know it you are in a completely different head space. What I am suggesting here is that those who are struggling may need additional bridges.
I have a question for you that maybe you can address on a podcast if appropriate.
My question is about all the conspiracy theories flying around about what's currently going on in the world (some of which are quite frightening!!). Going back to basics, it seems that nothing is really true. If everything is simply a reflection of the identity, do conspiracy theories appearing everywhere in front of my eyes just reflect my own fear and mistrust of what's going on and nothing more? So is there no place for vigilance or preparation in the face of everything I hear?
The next point is probably more a law of attraction question or perhaps its all the same thing. If I entertain and focus all my attention on conspiracy theories (which seems to be what is currently happening!!), apparently these will be drawn into my reality. I am therefore finding myself in a battle of trying to distract myself from these thoughts for fear that I will manifest them! So for those who believe this stuff, it will play out, while for others who are oblivious, it wont??
I have clearly lost my way!! Would appreciate your clarity!!
Listener question: As a follow up from today’s podcast can you please talk more about what you mean by ‘going into the body’
I’ve spent years scanning the body as a way to determine ‘how I’m doing’ This is unhelpful as it just ramps up my thinking! How is what you’re proposing different?
Listener question: Can you say more about when something is a pattern from the brain-body keeping an idea of self in place versus when it's a quality of unique beingness? It seems like anything can be either.
In looking over patterns from a no-self accountability perspective, some patterns seem like they are preferences of this brain-body...sometimes keeping a self in place and sometimes not. For example this brain-body loves new experiences. On one hand, this body doesn't seem to find as much of a "problem" in boredom because "new" is always possible in the moment. On the other hand there can be a seeking of new experience as an escape from presence or that same moment that at times is easy to be in.
thank you!
Listener question: Just woke up. My alarm went off. I noticed for a very few seconds, kindness, friendliness. Then thoughts came, you have to, must (work etc). I started to think this at a certain moment in my life. I feel miserable right now, heavy, low, haert beating (almost every morning). It is hard to to let those thoughts feelings go, I think they scare me so much that I want to reduce them or something in my head. As if I am trying to manage them. But then they only stick isn't it. They feel so painful, but I guess that is the resistance towards them. I don't know how not to. To let them be, flow.
In your opinion, was the Jewish Holocaust a factual event that occurred between 1939 and 1945?
Listener question: I would like to enjoy life and do things but my limiting beliefs and emotions just won't let me... I suffer daily from intense negative emotions and feelings.. And 3 days ago i found out that the woman i love wants to date with another man.. It crushed me into pieces with jealousy anxiety sadness and fear.. The intense emotion is sooo uncomfortable... It makes me very difficult to do anything.. I left myself totally helpless and i lie in bed all day long.. These intense negative emotions suck all the energy out of my body... Leaving me weak and tired and fearful... I want emotional freedom from my suffering... I am writing to you to ask you how could i eliminate or neutralize my intense emotions and be free from all of these sufferings?
I have a short question: You speak often of going deeper into the experience and asking ourselves „what’s at stake here?“ That’s the point where the mind usually goes totally blank.
Could you maybe give us some real life examples of how this would look, feel, be in simple terms please?
Listener question: Dear Clare I wonder if you have any help regarding anxiety? My anxiety has been in the background for the last 15 years. And I feel like all the actions I do are just to avoid feeling it. The discomfort is too much. I'd love my anxiety to end for good. Is there a way to get rid of it other than to just accept living with it?
hi Clare
Can you talk about boundaries and relationships please? I’m in a relationship and I like him very much but I don’t know if he is good for me and I don’t know if that is just my fears of imtimacy resulting from a difficult childhood or whether it is a wisdom telling me to be careful with someone who could potentially harm or upset me.
Thanks
Listener question: Clare I’m not doing to great I got sick and still can’t do much physical stuff witch I hate as that’s what I do running football building kids nature swimming o my god just eat that stuff . My mind is all about that stuff and I just can’t accept it I’m so fucking pissed Off .like finally I think I’ve sorted myself out I’ve had the deepest peace like never ever felt so still and able to have a life like a normal one and now this I just feel like comeeeeeeeeee on I’m tired Clare it just never lets up yep the mind is definitely the guvnor
Listener question: there has been a pattern in the past decade plus of judging my partner as "not giving me enough attention" and there is lots of evidence the mind will use to bolster this position. In recent months as I've worked with integration practices or noticing the patterns of self (sometimes called the shadow, or the unconscious) there's been a willingness to receive from my partner in a way that feels new. Then, in that receptivity, there is a feeling of deep received support, a form of attention, and appreciation. For some reason there's been a dropping down of the "do it my way" and receiving a lot more of "let's try his way" and the amount of love experienced is astonishing. Yet it still feels like a "need being met" or a "feeling loved" which is still self language. The brain creates a self in the same way it creates emotions (they are goal based concepts) so does this just mean the self is shifting gears vs disappearing? I guess there's some skepticism that the brain can shift to a degree where the self isn't built/rebuilt in some way. Is this still upholding that same story just in a new way?
Listener question: how does this blog post fit in this conversation?
"Wherever you go, however far you travel, regardless of how hard you try to disconnect, you will always be there. I think, more than anything else, I began to realize the importance of living a life that I can be proud of. Because there is simply no escaping it. You will always be you. You can travel to the ends of earth, but you always take yourself with you.The habits we form, the relationships we foster, the parenting strategies we employ, the work we choose to do, the character and integrity we pursue… all contribute to the person we spend time with in the future. No matter where you go, you will always be there. Make sure it’s someone you want to spend time with."
Listener question: I can't stop hurting and crying. Am I going insane? What is insanity?
I loved your analogy about marriage being like a car which can loose its purpose (besides looking pretty in the driveway). On a similar line I was thinking of past relationships like old dresses which became too small in size and are not my style anymore but still hang in my closet. The closet gets so full that no more new clothes fit in - no more new ones fit in and at the same time I cannot wear the old ones. Back to the relationships in this analogy: I still remember all the birthdays, the dates when we first met, all the places which remind me of them. Even that I do not want to be together with any of these past relationships when I am in my analytical mind. But there is so much grief and sadness, looking at these dresses, and knowing I will never fit in ever again. Any thoughts about how to process grief and sadness….
' While conversing the conversation flows and when I begin to feel like my “I” is in need of defense, protection and/or reaction I feel it, i become aware almost like a thick yellow highlighter is highlighting a scene. I continue to remember nothing is personal. We all have our own conditioned beliefs and that is where behavior arises from. And don’t meddle. Meddling was awhile ago a behavior of mine when “I” felt it was my job to explain this paradigm to others. I am now seeing how that too was a behavior caused by my own conditioned beliefs.
What I'm not seeing is that you said we don't have free will- that the programming is running the show and it is that that decides all behaviours. An incident in the past therefore could not be personal or have been any other way because the programme decided the action.
Does that not relinquish the individual of any responsibility then? Are we saying that they literally had no capacity for awareness in that moment to think 'I can choose not to take this action'?
I have been reading recently about how people who experienced the realisation of non-duality (not sure how else I could call it) experience life day to day. What’s the difference between the before and after the realisation. A few people pointed out that any kind of emotional suffering completely ceased for them and they experience nothing but peace or bliss every single day
I don’t know why I’m sceptical of it but that’s my problem :) so I thought I’d ask you about your experience and whether this is everyone’s experience after that realisation.
My hunch tells me, the suffering, distress, anxiety and all those emotions we label as negative, still happen but our relationship to them changes as they are not seen as problematic but, of course, I can see how others may really be at peace at all times. Anyway, I’d really appreciate your input.
I see how much the “I” hates hates hates hates a colleague and a particular situation. Being with that anger in my body is challenging but slightly more possible than before. Is it a sign of my boundaries being crossed (origin of the pattern from early childhood)? Or what is under thread here in my identity?
What is my accountability in the storyline of being wronged, mistreated, not valued enough?
Listener question: I'm not sure how to best put this question other than when there's this suggestion to move toward where there is the most resistance and fear, and to do whatever the things are that seem to bring up fear - what if there's no clear "most" fear? What if the body seems to go into resistance to any number of situations. Is it just pick one, any of them?
I keep replaying our call together for this section:
"watch the playout of the resistance, the fears, and what seems to be at stake, we keep moving in and where there is most resistance, do that thing...where there is most fear do that thing...where we're most shamed talk about it...And that is being right on the edge of the limits of our identity, and we're just allowing reality in a way to show itself for what it is. So all these things that were on the other side of our limits are held as conceptual truths, that because we don't venture beyond they don't ever get a chance to be seen for what they are...they're just held as worst fears, held as things I can't do, held as ...they're just there in a distant landscape but fixed as reality. So now we're going to go, where there's most discomfort we go...and we just notice what is at stake and how it is never ever what we think it is."
I am hoping you could do a podcast around a subject of ”not knowing and health issues”.
My son got a diagnosis of borreliosis recently. What has been a pattern so far when it comes to health related issues is an activity of using google and getting more information on the subject and getting more help from alternative medicin. I don’t seem to trust medical experts in the western medicin while I have had too many bad experiences and learned about so many other alternative methods that can be less harmful to the body. I have a degree in nursing and it seems that my understanding of health has gone into more holistic understanding of health and the importance of microbiome.
It seems to me that I would like to have acceptance of a medical doctor who would say I am doing the right choices for my son. When it comes to my own body I have no doubts. I don’t like aggressive treatment and numbing fysical symptoms while what I have learned is that the body is always towards balance, if we just let it do that and help the body. Still when it comes to my son, it is more difficult to trust this learning. The unknown seems to make me restless, it looks like my sons health is in my shoulders so the ”I” needs to do ”right decicions”. I can see how mind is actively trying to secure the self...I do what makes sense given what has been understood so far plus the selfing may happen or not. Maybe I have a different understanding about bodys ability to heal than the doctor has. What seems to be here is a possibility to explore the unknown...
Listener question: I still get caught up in or am stuck with the stories created by the ego mind when it comes to public speaking...and I know how familiar that will be to you with your own personal experience! I work in a fairly senior marketing job for a large corporation and 'public speaking' formally or informally is a major part of my day to day life! For big presentations or customer meetings I am often having panic attacks in the moments before (& even during) where the fight or flight is really kicking in. I also try to suppress that gut wrenching feeling when a meeting is scheduled in my diary for weeks in advance to stop myself worrying for days about it. It certainly feels like more than the normal levels of adrenaline you would associate with presenting or performing.
I believe that because this has happened repeatedly over many years, it has somehow become habitual for my personal mind to act in this way and that's where I am drawn to subliminals, to help go deeper into the subconscious mind for a little re-wiring! I have watched your video explanation on them and read the information on your website but wanted to have your opinion on whether in this instance it could really help take me further towards peace, comfort and confidence in that specific situation (although situations don't create feelings)?!
[For more information on subliminal recordings please see here: https://claredimond.com/subliminal/]
I was very impacted by the webinar last night. It’s really got me thinking about what we really are. I think the idea that the self is just learnt patterns that our brain joins up and makes a person from is fascinating. It’s like something at the very edge of my vision at the moment and if I try and look at it too much it disappears. But it’s really left me thinking - in a good way!
It leave me wondering who I am, what I am? And in a way more importantly to me in this moment , what other people are... because if we are all one consciousness. If there is nothing differentiating me at my core to anyone else, what makes me me? Or someone I love them? Underneath all these questions I think is one most important. I have lost people I love. I have never had faith but I’ve stTted to have belief in them being here, all around - in nature, little signs. And that one day when I die I will sense them again. Not see them but be with them. But if we are all one, I can’t see how I can hold that anymore. Because there is nothing that defines them (without the body) as them is there? I kind of want there to be.
Listener question: In Clare's May 12 podcast she speaks about suffering as a sign that a story is believed which isn't true. What if the story is true time and time again ie panic attacks at work over and over. They seem true? My brain has been conditioned to this. I know the place of freedom in this is to see the non separation, and then they might fall away or I wouldn't care about them but until that is seen it seems the story is true. Maybe the whole dam thing is a story! The mind trying to be in control.
Could you maybe say something about the concept of ‚being lost in thought‘ and life Intelligence of rebalancing. If life’s wisdom is shrouded in thought, where do the choices in the moment come from that are pure love, pure life intelligence, pure peace that we apparently are?
Or is this seen as an attempt by the overactive mind to soften the harsh reality?
Listener question: Hi Clare,
It seems sometimes that when the mind is in a pattern of creating separation listening to your podcast or one of your course recordings for some reason more settling happens. What's happening there? Is it truth moving through to presence, new conditioning, old conditioning getting cracks in it? All of the above?
Listener question: I am suffering en struggling for a long time with my relationship (and in life generally, nothing really changes, it seems that I don’t want to, never knew what i wanted in life, no plan, no ideas, to serious).
I started this relationship because i was curious about the person but I also had the thought of being afraid of men and I wanted to overcome it… So not really because I was in love.
In a way I pushed an forced myself, not at first but later on I did.
Got scared, confused, didn’t understand my feelings/thoughts, controlling them, did not really know anymore what is a good feeling and what not.
Many times thinking and tried to end the relationship, which of course created a lot of scary feelings and doubt.
He is actually a good person, quite patient with me (of couse not always), loves life. He is human and has stuff, but he can deal quite good with it. I am actually jealous of him about that. He lives abroad so we don’t see each other very often.
He says wise and true things about the thinking an living life. He also says he does want to live this way with eachother.
I know he is right and that I have tot do something, stay and live with him or go.
Because if have been busy and thinking so much about the situation I dont’feel well. I work less at the moment because of the stress. Sleep not very well. I am scared my head, heart can not cope with the situation anymore, often headaches and a heart that feels very upset, palpitations. I am scared that I am doing this to myself, first it didn’t feel that way, but i guess I am doing it (my mum used to say to my, what are you doing to youself).
There is hardly any room for new or other thinking (I did not even know that was even possible) my head goes back tot the same story over and over again because I have to figure it out and because I am suffering.
I feel low and down, especially when people or he says, do something about the situation, live life before it is too late.
It is true, I don’t live, I am in my head and it scares me. Scared that I, thinking wil not change, and that I will miss life an maybe great opportunities. I stay in the same place, situations.
And I don’t feel good or joyfull feelings.
Numb, surpress.
I hope you can give me some new perspective about me, life, thinking.
Listener question: I’m in the middle of confused thought storms, so please forgive me in advance.
So my question is: what if the intellectual understanding gets in the way of the falling away of patterns? What if the mind totally gets it, but the suffering is ramped up extremely? What if every tiny interaction with another human being becomes painful? The feelings are raw and relentless.
What if the mind says, you understand now all of this, so why the hell are these patterns are getting stronger? Fear, emotional pain, suffering as sign that there is something believed that’s not true, says the intellect. Fuck, I m drowning in my suffering and we would probably say there is no I, there is no suffering, fuck it. I’m bright awake every night around 4 am (despite being on sleeping pills) being immersed in the Horrorfilm of my mind.
I am fighting with myself and everyone around me and the minute I see what I am doing I collapse in utter selfdisgust, wishing myself or the other to die.
It’s smoke and mirrors, a fight for life and death, it takes too much energy to function in everyday life. When asking the question what is at stake here, the mind goes blank. There is no way out.
Listener question: What does this understanding say about suicide? Is it that the self would rather kill the whole thing instead of face the self's death? Meaning the illusion is more compelling than reality?
Listener question: I think i have a strong tendencie to avoid situations that seem unsafe for my self-identity. This week I had some very nice experiences with engaging with situations I usually would avoid.
There was curiosity but still it took so much effort to try and see what happens if I don't hide in my "safe space". So my first question is: will it get easier?
Also I wonder: how can I tell the difference between avoiding things because my self identity feels threatened, and just needing time for my self? Because as you beautifully said the mind can be quite sneaky. Every time I want to avoid situations my mind tells me that I just need some time for myself. If I try to engage with a situation anyways it often happens that I get strong physical symptoms that kind of force me to stay at home and to stay in my safe space.
So I guess my second question is:
How can I know if I actually need time at home/time for myself? And how can I know if my mind does just it's sneaky thing?
Sorry for the long unstructured questions. Am I making any sense?
Listener question: i always felt like there must be something wrong with me becuase i dont seem to have strong reactions to the larger world events (dont seem to feel strong reaction) ... now i see .. perhaps i more able to see those things as neutral and not judge them (unlike the self and other categories) ... but it does beg the question (in relation to the world stuff) ... when are we in denial and cut off from 'feelings'/reactions and when are we just in neutral and not in triggered judgemental reactions... and 'should' we be reacting to 'apparently horrific things ' to be 'healthy' and heart felt.
Listener question: Firstly please accept my apologies for what may seem a ridiculous question and what may appear my poor attempt at asking it.
I have read several books on the subject of the three principles, Real, Inside Out Revolution and Clarity plus several others. I find your book very interesting as it covers so many situations one finds oneself engaged in on a day to day basis. I pride myself in gaining an understanding of the subject after reading the various publications I have purchased. I just wonder if you could clarify for me what I might expect as a result of my understanding. I fully appreciate how our experience of life from moment to moment exists. I also fully appreciate and understand that thought comes and goes.
From some other publications I have mentioned I understand that when we are aware of the three principles and how our experience of life exists, our extreme thought patterns tend to diminish somewhat and the constant bombardment of thought isn’t as extreme.
Could you tell me if my understanding is somewhere near the facts.
Again I apologise for my somewhat poor attempt of an explanation but I suppose I’m asking what are the advantages of gaining this understanding
Listener question: can you talk about jealousy and envy please and what is the difference between them?
Listener question: Thank you so much for the beautiful webinar yesterday.
There's kind of a question that's on my mind today.
When I was listening to you talking I completely "spaced out". I heard something very beautiful but I have no words for it. After the webinar my boyfriend asked me how it was. I simply couldn't say anything, I was just feeling very peaceful and hugged him.
Also many questions about my life and things that scare me didn't seem important anymore. Still I know if I go there I get stressed again. How can I find a link between those two worlds? I don't want to ignore the stressful thougts but at the same time I wonder if it even make sense to ask myself scary questions?
Listener question: I have been working my way through your podcasts and although I am often resistant to what I hear, I find that if I settle myself and sit with it, I can usually see the truth in what you are saying.
However the one on April 26 about Sydney’s teachings (listen for a feeling and your feeling creates your thinking) has me baffled!
Although I do see what you are saying about how those words can be misunderstood, what about all the seemingly hundred’s of testimonials from people who claim that it is exactly hearing those words and living by them that has been the game changer for them? As well as all the teachers out there teaching the same thing?
Personally, I do not feel that I had a massive insight, when I first came across The Three Principles, but life has definitely been more peaceful as a result of this understanding, and now it sounds like you are saying “not true”
Listener question: Dearest Clare: Thought I'd take a few minutes to compose my thoughts about "life" since doing the RICH course last year. You may recall, I am an artist and my biggest area of "stuckness" was around money and selling my art so I could have my "own" money. There were lots of insights and aha moments during the course for sure. But, here's the thing. At some point, I saw very clearly and deeply how the making of art was in place as a means to keep the "artist" identity in place. This was a very, very deeply entrenched identity that was thoroughly woven into many facets of my life! So, things began to unravel, as it were, and slowly, but surely, this identity has lost it's credibility. But here's what I have been left with for many, many months now. NOTHING. A deep emptiness, apathy, disinterest, dispassion; unmotivated, uninspired; feeling lost, listless, directionless, adrift.
I have forced myself to do some painting (I know, "I" am not doing anything), but the passion and the drive are gone. I have no desire to make art let alone sell it. I have destroyed (as in thrown out) tons of work that was just taking up space in my studio--no guilt, no emotional attachment whatsoever. Day after day, week after week, month after month, I keep trying to "find myself" to no avail (probably a good thing). I sit in my studio looking around at it all, tons of art supplies and the walls filled with work, and I feel like junking the whole works!
None of this is "bad" per se, except that, frankly, this "void" is most disconcerting. I would liken it to depression I guess, although I'm not sure I'm feeling depressed! I guess I keep looking for something to fill the void. It's a black, empty hole (oh, I started to type whole, how interesting!), and there is much discomfort with it.
I feel truly lost. I have no orientation, no direction. Everything is an effort, not just making art. There is no desire to do anything. I have no enthusiasm for anything and I struggle to fill my days. Nothing--baking, knitting, gardening, my usual distractions-- holds any interest. I mostly sit, listen to music, do some journal writing, go for walks or drives with hubby when he wants to get out of the house, or try to force myself to do something. And what I do end up doing takes great effort!
Even so called "seeking" in a way, is taking a back seat. I feel like I cannot read another book, do another course, watch another video, listen to another podcast. It feels like as far as seeking goes, that there is absolutely nothing further "out there" to engage with. Like somehow, everything I could possibly have read, heard, seen is all there is to be read heard and seen. There's a strange feeling of completeness and a knowing that there is nowhere else to go but "within." The tears well as I write this; there's such a feeling of resignation(?), hopelessness(?), despair(?) because it's becoming so very clear that "I" am NEVER, EVER going to find what "I" am looking for, and I love that you know what I am talking about!
There is no bliss here, no la la land, no deep peace being experienced! Just this great empty (w)hole. Perhaps at some point I will stop trying to fill that void and just be present to it, stop resisting it, but I know whether that happens or not is out of my hands.
I don't know if this is a ringing endorsement for doing one of your courses Clare, lol! I just felt compelled to write it out and send it off to you, for whatever reason. I'm not looking for a response, or answers or suggestions or helpful advice from you, just thanks for being here for me to write to.
Listener question: Hi Clare.
Would you be able and willing to speak to anxiety and grief around climate change in one of your podcasts?
There’s a phrase that sometimes comes to me in relation to my own life: I can’t get there from here. The “here” being my current understanding I guess. Perhaps with climate anxiety, the “here” is our anxiety and grief about what we see happening in the world to the world. And our powerlessness to change it.
Yet I know there is more than activism or denial available to us.
Would you be willing to speak to this specific topic in the immensely beautiful way that you do where current experience is neither denied or escalated and a door to another experience is so respectfully and sensitively yet also decisively and clearly opened?
Listener question:
Thank you for the reply podcast my love. However I get the impression that You don’t seem to have trauma awareness or experienced trauma in your own life, bless.
I seem to need to spell it out for you: Being screamed at at work by a highly mentally disturbed client can’t be played down and said there are no triggers. Your nervous system would maybe react similarly to mine, but if this was recurring childhood experience then the freeze is inevitable.
Or are you saying I’m holding on to my victim status because it’s familiar? The sense of loss of control in a freeze state is anything but desirable.
I really want to see something in this. Lotsoflove
Listener question: Dear Clare, I wondered if you could please speak to these words attributed to Sir Anthony Hopkins on a podcast episode? One of my ingrained needs is to be loved and I still notice myself work so hard with certain individuals who are so-called friends to stay included and be liked and yet I expend so much energy doing so. Yet, with others in my life the love is reciprocal, almost effortless and flows naturally between us. Is it not better to face up to the needy behaviours and experience as a gift of revelation for the undoing rather than just stop giving time and effort to more one-sided relationships so that they fade into the ether and I don’t get hurt but yet the conditioning remains? Curious to see your take on Sir Anthony’s words of wisdom.
https://www.facebook.com/pej.alaghamandan/posts/10160778874808572
Listener question:
Life happens out of our control, yes. But trauma triggers are very real to the system, destabilising. If fight or flight is not possible, freeze can feel very dangerous.
In this example being triggered at work, going into freeze can be debilitating and i can’t seem to function at work anymore, although I manage somehow.
I really can’t seem to see where the healing is supposed to be in this. How can be reliving trauma responses in the body again and again be healing?
If I don’t have the necessary support at work this will happen again. The confidence in my ability to hold a job is shaken (although I have been there for 8 years). The possibility of changing jobs doesn’t even come to mind.
I see the utter futility of the system trying to prevent these events from happening again, yes that is madness! But the young vulnerable part needs protection fullstop!!!
Probably a protection it never experienced in its young life.
I’m all up for having it all when it comes to the full gamut of emotions and I see how they ebb and flow. With this deep triggering stuff that makes me feel unsafe in my own body, I refuse to relive that again and again!
I know my own resilience, I made it so far which is a miracle in itself.
But im questioning where the peace, love and Freedom is in this, we talk about in this conversation so often?
Listener question: My question is about shame. Most nights and especially in the morning I wake up recalling situations in which I could’ve done better and about which I feel a lot of shame. Some of these situations go back decades, and some are very recent. Consequently I often do not get the rest I need and my days don’t always start on a bright and positive note! I would like to be able to see this differently and would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you.
Listener comment: Im in the midst of horrible triggered feelings. I feel uncontrollably hurt by just a trigger at work, it’s so painful. I don’t know what to do other than cry and breathe.
Listener question: I am thinking of having a subliminal recording. I have only listened to a few Podcasts you have done and read your book Real. On the basis of that information it sounds like you lean a little toward Advaita Vedanta. I find Advaita complex and cold as well as stimulating to the intellect. (Robert Spira is the best example of this for me. The guy is brilliant but when I listen to him, I feel the need to figure out what he is saying, and I get contracted and tense). For me, the magic of Syd Banks was his simplicity - talking about finding a good feeling rather than worrying about the vagaries of non-dual philosophies (Compare "Dear Liza" to "The Transparency of Things"). In my subliminal I would need to escape the intellectual sentries who love to get all wrapped up in "not having a self" and "self-inquiry" and rather lean toward "listening for a good feeling" and knowing that "my feeling comes from my thinking". In your personal teaching and the subliminals, do you come from the Principles and Syd's "The Missing Link" or more from pure non-dual affirmations?
Listener question: I've just finished working through the REAL videos / course .. (not the conversations yet) .. is it normal for the .. well basically .. 'shit to hit the fan' inside ? - wont go into great details but just wondering if there is anything to 'do' ? ... it's kind of showed me just how of course i have been and how dysfunctional i have got from trying to cope for years but also the fact that everything i am running from is within ME and not out there .... like i want to be in a 'witness protection programme' from myself ... like i am both the stalker and the stalked .... its given me this massive sense that 'i cant get myself out of this alone' somehow and at the same time not sure what kind of support to seek that wont go and confuse me more e.g normal nhs type counselling options.... and does 'speaking about it all' in that kind of way EVER help us make sense of anything... and free us from basically scaring the shit out of ourself and keeping our own nervous system in a state of never ending vigilant exhaustion .. i see i've been running and running and cut myself off from every possible thing 'outiside' in the hope of finding safety only to find its 'me' whos the problem.
So not quite seeing through it all far enough yet to feel the freedom and peace.
Listener question: how does the idea of no-self work in relation to marriage/partnership? I'm just curious. Is this also why many fail?
Taking the conversation about harmful events and people to the furthest level of freedom.
Listener question: In you latest podcast you spoke about violence and that it is happening as it is the optimal behaviour at the given moment due to learned belief and conditoning, that there is no deciding self and that it is logical and impersonal.
I see freedom in this as it frees me of the obligation "to forgive and forget" and I love that there only remains sanity. I see that my father who was prone to violent outbursts could not act differently given that what he believed and learned in his youth.
Nevertheless, one question remains: What about the position of the real victims in this, the person or even small child that has been molested and harmed perhaps even for years. Or even those locked up inconcentration camps.
Sorry that my brain always goes for the extremes, but it refuses to be calm without getting the answer.
Listener question: anger was always heavily sanctioned, and deemed very unfeminine. There was only room for being the good girl and that resulted in a lot of rebellion. (The rebel inside can be still strong at times 🤣)
Later on my healing journey I learned that anger can signal where a boundary was crossed or violated. And that suppressed anger can be very damaging for the system and in my experience suppressed anger can lead to depression. At the same time i see the destructive force unbridled anger can be.
I love the story of the Boy who asks the shaman: „Wise one, I seem to have two wolfs living in my chest. One is loving and the other one is hating. Which one will win?“ and the shaman answered: „The one you feed“.
Now im wondering if this all ego storyline going on here? I see that there is something here that wants to be integrated instead of battled or suppressed. Maybe anger is misguided power? The people I see as innately powerful don’t get angry, they are not battling. Or maybe that’s just another side of the story that is ready to drop.
When you speak of going to the backroom it’s a bit murky here. I Imagine going back to the roots and further. Maybe in a profane way it’s saying: ok if I have clearer boundaries I don’t need to get angry. If I really see that nothing is personal, we are all just programmed tubes bumping up against each other until we don’t need to do that anymore.
Maybe life doesn’t care if there is anger and joy and sorrow, maybe life just wants to get on with it, warts and all.
Listener question: I wonder if you could give me your thoughts about the following. I have become aware of my disproportionate sense of fear in 'perceived as threatening' situations. I first became aware of how extreme it was during my divorce when I felt terrified...I was experiencing Gaslighting from my ex husband who still lived in the house. It was horrible but the terror was disproportunate. Subsequent to this, the societal issues around the pandemic and an ongoing health scare seem to elicit the same response.
I would sincerely appreciate your thoughts about this and whether Subliminals could help.
Listener question: To see what's being pointed to the mind needs to be settled and when one sees what's being pointed to the mind settles. It seems like a catch 22.
I do question my mind, but somehow I'm doing it wrong, or hoping it will change things, or I don't really know. It's hard not to find the story believable when it almost always comes true. Sadly I'm feeling like this conversation may just not be for me at this time. I wish it were, and maybe it will be again.
Listener question: Thank you for the podcast which I’ve just listened to again. I’m still confused! How is it that you know there’s protection going on here? Is it because the reactions to my friend’s diagnosis and my Mother’s are different? Is there really one, undiluted response that we can have to all situations, events, relationships? Sounds a bit bland to me.
Also, I don’t quite see that there’s a hierarchy of relatedness with family on the inside, then close friends etc. I can feel real connection during a random interaction with a complete stranger.
Listener question: Clare, I’m wondering if you might do a podcast on one of your common phrases, “it must begin here.” For example, if I am judging someone as, say, cruel, I must begin with me, here, and see all the ways that I am cruel. This is where my tricky little mind goes with that: “ok, so let me find all the times, past and present, in which I have been cruel. Well, now we just have two shitty people in the scenario. Two, cruel shitty people.” And then I don’t know where to go. The idea of “begin here” feels heavy and dark, which lets me know there is obviously confusion happening over here.
Listener question: I just listened to the latest video and podcast that you sent out and feel somewhat clearer about this whole thing to do with our ‘shadow’
Basically my understanding is that whatever I see ‘out there’ is simply a reflection of what I have going on ‘in here’
So the only thing for me to do if I am having a reaction to something or someone is to look for where in myself I am not being my True Self…is that right?
If so, can you help me see how this could possibly apply if I or someone close to me or a child had been sexually abused or murdered?
This is not something I have ever thought I would even be remotely interested in seeing, but somehow I can feel the freedom it would offer to be able to even consider this possibility.
Listener question: I have stayed in this conversation, listening to your podcasts and am seeing more. However, I still get caught up in believing my perceived reality and there is an intense over identification with ‘self’ and the desperate need to protect it, for fear of being exposed and feeling vulnerable in the world.
You probably cannot say, and it’s different for everyone, but what has made the difference for the person in the video you sent out? Has she just stuck at it? What has helped her shift her whole perception/understanding? I’m just curious!
Listener question: I found your website while reading “Real” and had a complex reaction to your talk about subliminal s. I thought it was brilliant to try to get past the intellect sentries to allow an opening as I think it is my feelings about my intellect that prevent me from seeing deeply. On the other hand, I met Syd Banks at the Hawaii lectures in 2001 and have listened extensively to him saying I shouldn’t need subliminal or psychological tools because I am sitting in mental health and I am one thought away from insights that would be life shifting.
I would be very curious about your response, since you are definitely anchored in the principles and have “made it” to the other side. I would appreciate any ideas you may have.
Listener question: My husband had a primarily emotional affair with his HR director. The flirting started pretty much right when he met her, then 6 months later it ballooned into an actual affair (not sex but kissing) and then I found out and we hashed things out for 6 weeks and he stopped the affair for a couple weeks. Then he started it back up for another 3-4 months but just texting. Nothing physical. Finally, about 4 months ago he really ended it. And he is working really hard on us. Genuine heartfelt apologies, spending lots of time together, talking and planning our lives, etc.
However, he still works closely with her. They have meetings most days and often several times a day. I know their meetings are not just business. I know he spends lots of time just catching up and chatting about her life and his. Full disclosure, he is a very chatty, friendly, engaging kind of boss with many of his team. So it would be a little unnatural for him to really pull back completely.
But I of course hate it. I hate that he still chats with her daily, I hate that she is his "confidant" which he justifies because as his director of HR, they have to discuss all the employees and new hires etc. I hate that he keeps me so separate from her. I'm not sure what would be normal there, but I know for sure he will mention my name when talking to other employees but never with her.
Basically, I am insecure and worried about their relationship but he insists that it is necessary for work.
I just don't know what to do. I am constantly tempted to ask him what's going on with him and her. I am tempted to look at his messages. Eavesdrop on his calls. And of course always wanting to know where we stand and my favorite, "How could you??"
Does this perspective offer insights into how I should be making sense of this situation? If I was really free and anchored in my true beautiful self would I be so insecure and suspicious and jealous? Or is is actually wise, strong to ask to see his messages and demand he minimize his interaction with her?
Listener question: In recent months there has been more and more phases where I am overflowing with love towards nearly everyone in my life, uninhibited joy about life and aliveness. And then there are these phases of old familiar pain. Often I wake up with intense bitter and resentful feelings in my throat. The mind replays stories of people having been hateful and hurtful. The undercurrents of rage in my system are difficult to be with. When the self feels like that not the best decisions come up.
I suppose the question would be how can I be more unconditional loving with myself and others in these times of the distorted lense?
Listener question: A pattern of conditioning has arisen for me a few times and I wonder if you could explore it on a podcast, please, if you had space?
What is going on with “I’m ok, only if you’re ok” or “I’m not ok if you’re not ok”? I notice that when others are happy or settled or peaceful, then I’m ok. If they are sad, distressed, angry then I’m not ok. Although I have times where I can be very close and settled with feeling down, I continue to find it hard at times when someone else is low and I can’t appear to ease it for them.
Listener question: I guess this is a ‘what is love?’ and ‘am I normal?’ question to which the answer is probably ‘who the hell is there to know one way or the other?’ but just out of curiosity:-
My Mother has been diagnosed with what is probably terminal cancer; we’ll know the prognosis this week. Ours has been a strained relationship to say the least of it and, while we’ve got things on to a more or less amicable footing, there’s no real intimacy there, and therefore hardly any response inside me other than ‘I hope she goes peacefully’ and even that feels like one of those learned responses you speak of. On the other hand, a friend who I don’t see much of but pops into my thoughts periodically has also just been diagnosed with what is probably terminal cancer and I feel much more shocked and sorry about that. This isn’t something I’m especially perturbed about but it does raise the question ‘what is love?’ and perhaps just a little bit of ‘am I normal?’
Much love, whatever that is...
Listener question: Whilst I have seen so much since I first came across the 3p’s I still seem to get stuck in a few areas, below is one that I am struggling with at the moment.
Firstly, I lost my mum quite suddenly and out of the blue a few months ago and so obviously I am still coming to terms with that and this understanding has helped so much. With the loss of my mum, the relationship with my dad has changed dramatically, he is in his late 70’s and although he is doing really really well looking after himself, cooking, keeping active etc I do feel the need to check in on him regularly, most days or every other day, it is usually a phone call with the current restrictions and they are always really really long conversations in which he talks a lot, tells me his opinion on whatever is on his mind at that moment, quite often political or ethical, he tells me all about the book he is reading in great detail even if it is not even of interest to him (and definitely not to me), the plumbing issue he has with his dishwasher, the people in the village who I have no clue about and their daughters, sons aunties husband, the wifi and lost passwords and how much the digital world is out to get him, sometimes his opinions are a bit outdated (I hope you get the gist). So I mostly just listen. I know that I am his sounding board, the bit of company with the loss of my mum, someone to talk about the day etc and I would miss this so very much if he wasn’t here. So I often have a word with myself, to just listen and appreciate him… although I have to admit that sometimes I don’t fully tune in and listen, because he does go on and on… And as soon as I have anything to say during these long conversations (nearly an hour in most cases), he totally shuts me down, he talks over me and says that is enough of that. He usually comes off the calls saying that was a nice chat… but it is rarely two way and I just feel like I have been talked at.
So I often come off these calls feeling very deflated. I might then give it a day or so before the next one. I can’t not ring him. I am heartbroken at the loss of my mum and know that she diluted a lot of this when she was still with us (in form).
I suppose my question is, that I am totally open to listening. But the feelings that come after the phone calls are a mixture of anger, upset and frustration to the point where I am not always wanting to speak to him and then I get hit with the GUILT? I would love to have a more light-hearted relationship with him. Instead I feel like I am wading through treacle to try and work out how to support him without totally draining myself?
I hope that makes sense.
Listener question: I noticed that I have so much thinking around the topic of the menstrual cycle.
On one hand I've got thinking about what society expects me to be like during a time of feeling vulnerable or feeling a lot of pain. On the other hand I've got a lot of ideas what it means to have pms. There seems to be this very fixed idea in me that it's just a rule that I would get horrible mood swings, pain and such strong uncontrollable emotions.
To me it seems like a fixed reality that I just have to go through every month. Which made me feel a bit suspicious because how could this be fixed if everything else is not?
I feel like I'm not really making sense but was wondering if you could somehow speak to that?
Listener question:
How do we see tragedy in the light of this understanding? We lost a young family member in circumstances that ‘shouldn’t have happened’ that seem like huge misfortune. It is difficult for me to look at this from within this understanding as ‘part of our human experience’ as I see it as awful and wrong and how can we ever come to terms with that it was meant to happen. And how where was the wisdom in this young persons death.
Sorry I know its a heavy one but whilst I get a lot from this conversation this tragedy is still shrouded in a massive BUT for me. Why are some people destined to experience the agony of losing a child and how can we understand a human experience cut short?
Listener question: Thank-you so much Clare for creating a podcast for this. I have listened to it three times and also our recording once over. I'm now in a weird place. I feel frantic that I have to change a lot of things in my life and don't know where to begin. I'm also confused as to why I've stayed with something that's creating unhappiness for so many years. I guess with the 3ps I thought it wasn't the job (outside in thinking) so for now I just need to sit with it I guess. I'm more scattered and anxious, so things need to settle. So many in the 3p world told me they changed jobs only for the anxiety to follow, so making a big upheaval towards something that isn't even calling to me feels wrong. I just don't know.
Thank-you Clare, you've been so generous with me in every way. I think I'm looking this way for the wrong reasons, so maybe I need to stop.
Listener question: Today a friend held me. Since a diagnosis of breast cancer in January, surgery at the beginning of March, such a lonely journey in COVID, I just kept going to provide for my family. And then today as my friend held me, I just broke down and sobbed, and cried my heart out. Like a floodgate opened.
Is that wrong Clare, is that un-spiritual? Is that just a needy desperate self identity?
Listener question: I wonder if it would be possible to discuss what seems to going on for me just now. I seem to be doing well (better than in a long time) and then without notice I’m plunged into my greatest fears (plus some).... this has been going on for a few nights, is beyond uncomfortable and I would appreciate your thoughts. I’ve absolutely loved the Real course and have taken a lot from it. Thank you in anticipation xx
Listener question:
I wonder if you could consider the following for a Listener Question on your podcasts?
I realise virtually my whole life I have been a people pleaser. A learnt and essential approach growing up in my family. I can now see the destructive nature of being this way. I seem to follow a cycle of People Pleasing > Rejection > Victim > People Pleasing etc etc. How do I break this cycle and how do I simply be me?
I would sincerely appreciate a little guidance with this Clare.
Listener question: hi Clare a relative of mine is a narcissist. It gets me down how much attention she demands all the time. I find it exhausting. How does that fit when we are talking about the self?
Listener question: In the book WELL, at one point you have a phrase you often use about “giving itself up.”
And by an objective reality giving itself up we see what’s real.
Can you talk more about what this “giving itself up” is?
Is there an example in your life when something “gave itself up”?
Listener question: I cannot see how events/conditioning have been put in place for the ultimate purpose of waking us up to what we are. What I understand is that life happens despite me and I do not create my reality. It seems more to me that life is an impersonal, spontaneous synchronicity of events. In other words, every event appears to have an ultimate reason or cause, but ultimately, no event is an absolute unto itself, ever. To say that events/conditioning etc. are put there for the purpose of waking us up to what we are seems to me to personalize what is happening—as long as the need is there to find an ultimate reason for everything, it’s an indication there is a fear of being out of control. Since the knowing “I Am” is already there, who needs to “wake up?” What I understand is that what we are has never forgotten, doesn’t need to remember and does not need to wake up to who/what we are. I understand that it is impossible to understand Self via the mind and once you realize you are not an object “having” experiences, it doesn’t mean you know who or what You really are, but rather, it means you know who You are not. Am i understanding correctly?
Listener question: Are Events Random? Is there such a thing as Cause and effect?
Events have been “put there by the conditioned program of our mind.” Are you saying a “program” of conditioning created events, like COVID, to use your example, or am I not hearing correctly what you are saying? ….”so no randomness in the way anything appears and there entirely for the waking up to what we are.” I can see that how events and the ‘me’ are perceived/experienced are a function of the conditioning/belief systems and how this could, in a way, and perhaps in the way you are speaking about it, even be seen to be “not random,” but wasn’t the very development of this conditioning “random" with no absolute cause and effect? And when you say, “COVID is a construct of me, it exists because I exist…” can you please explain “who/what” exists?
Listener question: Can you say more about watching the behavior - not the self - witnessing the behavior? You keep inviting us to inquire into what is happening in this behavior and in suffering. Feeling the sensations not as self.
All I can see is just selfing, selfing, and more selfing - I thought this was the behavior. Brain creating a self as thought and then claiming something, rejecting something, trying to nail this thought of self to the floor. Suffering with each new storyline about the self and how it's not liked or failing or about to lose or is a victim or is right, etc. I can see that this is conditioning, that it keeps happening, and feel exhausted by it. It still feels real, like there is a self to secure, that must be defended and protected and can lose.
It feels like there's another layer that you're pointing at that's not been seen yet.
Listener question: what about injustice, discrimination and going out in the streets and fighting against oppression?
Is that just a self that is caught in the narrative of feeling oppressed? Is there a self that searches for security that does not exist anyway?
Listener question: What about the terrible things like murder. If we have no choice then we have no culpability?
Listener question: where do decisions come from? I do understand the influence of learning, beliefs and other brain activity such as chemical imbalances but are there also decisions made from our higher sense of self without any contamination of beliefs about right or wrong?
Listener question: Clare lovely, you often mention the going right into the perceived problem. What does that actually mean?
In my case I can see a lot of things just generated by a mind that has a strong conditioned identity of being rejected by other people. And funny enough more and more I can see how this bodymind rejects others at the same time. So the old programme of rejection is running strong, it was literally drummed into my body as a child, but now it feels almost like ghosts from the past still hanging around.
And at the same time evidence is seen NOW that the current perceived rejections are purely made up in the mind. This is where it gets really confusing. It still feels utterly shit. So are you suggesting to go right into the awful feeling and then see what happens? ‚Having it all’ is often mentioned, what does that actually mean?
The Self is asking this, maybe still with the hope of getting rid of uncomfortable feelings, feeling trapped and at the mercy of others confused feelings was very real for me all those decades ago and obviously it is not anymore.
And at the same time it’s a comfortable prison, if I am this awful person I don’t have to follow my dreams, I don’t have to challenge injustices, I don’t have to take responsibility for anything, I can eat selfdestuctive amounts of sugar, can let my inner critic run riot and I don’t have to do what I love doing because it’s covered in layers and layers of judgement anyway.
But then there is this lifeaffirming burning desire for living life to the fullest, this burning desire of shedding all these layers of crap and finally to do really exciting and juicy, sexy, arty stuff, stuff that makes me feel alive, free from heady stale concepts adopted from a confused society.
Does this even make any sense and what’s the enquiry in this? Where is the custody without control in this?
Listener question: I would like to discuss the topic of real life questions. How do I work with things such as managing savings, buying a new car etc. If I disappears does the remainder of reality as I know it change? What about my relationships?
Listener question: I want to say that I like that Clare’s course is the only one that doesn’t begin with trying to solve a specific psychological problem e.g. anxiety, fear... Addressing the base problem of a separate self is fundamental to understanding the specific situations.
But if I could lose a few pounds that would be a great side benefit.
Listener question: When I look back at supposed "vision" statements I've written down in the past, the mind judges these as pointless now because the vision was usually coming from a back drop of "something is wrong, this will make it right." Like these:
- "the whole of humanity is waking up from self" as though it's "wrong" or "bad" that most of us are still asleep most of the time.
- "all children loved and cared for and seen as whole" since it seems to me that many are not seen this way
- "everyone I know works on addressing climate change" because it seems that all of us not doing so is wrong.
I was sussing out if there's still a vision for the business, and while ideas come to mind (people feeling their emotions fully for example) - they all seem rooted in the self claiming something "wrong out there" that needs fixing.
Listener question: I am wondering if we are affected in a relation to another or if we are only affected by the illusion of another (or both). For example if someone is very angry are we affected by some sort of energy directly from this apparent other or is it only our thinking/our concept of the angry other that affects us or both. The same with an apparent "happy" other.
Listener question: I still have the thoughts that say for example, "Once I cure this health problem, I will be "happy" or "feel better" OR once I find the right partner OR once I get a job writing in comedy" - Like those still run in my head. And then I just wondered... do I stop trying to cure the health problem? Find a partner I enjoy or try to change careers?
Like.. from my understanding of your work, I am just going to do what I do - if I have a fascination with health, I will try and improve my health... if I desire for love, I will be looking for a partner, if I have a love of comedy, I will try to be able to do more of it - even my love of reading about these principles I will just continue to do! but how do I separate my doing from the belief that any of it will somehow improve my life? Essentially, how do I let go of the added thinking on top of it?
Listener question : Ok, I’ve been seeing recently how easy it is to slip into suffering states. For example dealing with relatives I observed being sucked into a vortex of panic and despair. Or when I wake up in the middle of the night it’s so easy to slip into a vortex of worry and learned helplessness. In these moments it feels so real and part of my being knows it’s just a Horrorfilm of old neuropathways.
The question is maybe what needs to be more seen in these scenarios so the suffering becomes less stick or convincing?
So much love and compassion to everyone involved. Xxx
What is the motivation for listening to this podcast? It will make all the difference to what can be heard.
Exploring how there is no 'I' doing the over-thinking or practicing mindfulness. Rumination is the creation of the illusion of a separate 'I' and mindfulness is the absence of that confusion.
Exploring why the expression 'this too shall pass' is an invitation to go deeper into an experience, not to sit it out waiting for the 'right' experience to arrive.
Exploring why spirituality can't live in an ivory tower, separated out from the challenges of live. Its job is to be tested by and to ultimately dissolve the rigours of 'the real world'
Listener question: I'm afraid. Life has been at a low point for me the last year or so. As Spring arrives and the country has the feeling of gradually opening up I am hoping that I will be able to put things back together and move towards something happier and more fulfilling. Do I really want to go down another rabbit hole and either be disappointed or perhaps shake my very foundation?
Listener question: I maintain that we can choose thoughts. We have choice in believing them or not. Mindfulness is all about recognizing thoughts and letting them be. That is control. That is in essence another thought. There seems to be some amount of free will in all of this.
Exploring how identification with behaviour obscures the stillness in which conditioning can be undone.
Enlightenment and the hot air balloon
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Looking at the mental load of:
trying to solve problems that don't exist
trying to control the uncontrollable
resisting reality
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Listener question: Noticing that every time limitation, upset, frustration, desperation, resistance arise today - the only thing at stake is an identity. Why is the identity so painful to lose?
Comment: What is real must come from one perspective of HUMAN cognitive processing. How can anybody live my life? Experience how I perceive the world and what is real? This must come from ones own individual perception. How is it possible to teach individual cognitive processing of what is considered reality? My own experience of 'self' is mine . Nobody can get inside my head and tell me what is real or not ! Nobody else can view the world as I and dictate what is therefore a real experience.
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Listener question: I have been following your podcasts and reading your books and it is very clear to me that the self does not exist as but a belief, a thought. But still it feels all the time so real to be in the thinking , body. The identification with the body / mind is very strong , very pesrsistent. It is not easy to identify as the consciousness which we are. So the suffering continues. Can you tell some more about it.
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How does the law of attraction fit with the exploration of reality?
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Listener question: Can you talk about ageing and appearance in the context of this conversation?
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Can you talk about 'shadow integration' in the context of this conversation about reality?
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What is a 'good' ending to a relationship?
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How does the mind work?
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Why would we bother exploring what is true? Why not just live our lives?
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What is reality?
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Listener question: what is the most fundamental essence of this?
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Listener question: I am curious about your relationship with yoga, does it go deep with your teachings? As in has yoga helped you see more?
Listener question: I am considering what is at stake when the fear is future physical suffering. It’s not immediate physical harm or the examples of idea of self you gave. But since the fear is about something physical (sensations and harm), there does seem to be something solid there to protect. It does seem like a mother bear on its hind legs - not in front of me but around the corner! Although I see that it is all a creation of mind - and therefore as nonexistent as identity, confidence, reputation, etc. - it feels different enough that it seems to have a grip that those don’t. Can you help clarify how to move closer in to that?
Listener question: in this body-mind there is a constant underlying feeling of not living my full potential. With getting older rapidly, questions about achievements getting louder, are there any? And what’s actually holding me back from being an artist, there is a longing and a fear in equal measures. What’s holding me back?
Listener question: 'maybe its the thinking that’s the enemy and I create these painful insecure thoughts and therefore I create selfulfilling prophecies?'
Listener question:
Resistance is felt in this notion of that everything that is showing up is an exact mirror of ourselves. So if we stop reacting to aggression aimed at us, isn’t there a risk of being treated like a doormat? Although instantly I see this is the same dual perspective.
So i need to stay still with these aggressions to see more about the dual dynamics in it?
There is a deep fear/hurt in being guilty for everything, so it’s Hard to stay still with that.
And the question arises how do people do it, the ones that seemingly ooze natural agency, natural presence and power, who would never be treated like that? Maybe again that question comes from the same perception?
In some spiritual circles internal rage is seen a life force of agency if harnessed and used in constructive ways, like setting boundaries and making sure this bodymind is treated with respect.
Maybe you could speak to that if it makes sense?
Listener question: I am a bit unsure around 'severe' conditions like multiple personality and clinical depression - I wonder whether these are showing up as cycles of belief or if there is a physical component to those.
Listener question: Today I got triggered by a colleague, deep hurt was felt because I could feel hatred oozing from him. It seemed like he projected his unfounded hatred onto me, constant micro aggressions and the whole day there was a toxic atmosphere in the air. He apologised but continued to be hostile.
It seemed I had a slightly different perspective on this than in the past, I could see that it was his thought storm and I didn’t have to go automatically into self blame. But still I was trying to fix the situation, by being on my best behaviour while he was just being a dick. Where am I the dick in this picture?
What does this situation mirror?
There wasn’t any knee jerk reaction from my part, so I guess that’s what you mean with custodianship without choice?
Im curious to see more in this example.
Listener question: A question that often comes up with my readers and clients is this idea of needing to process ‘stuck’ emotions and trauma in the body.
Especially since working with the 3Ps approach I have seen less and less of a need for this and am not sure it serves people with psychological suffering.
I do believe thoughts change our physical chemistry and can lead to what we see as clinical depression, but I am less sure about stuck trauma.
What do you think?
Listener question: I realised every time I’d been triggered today was because I was witnessing my perception of bullying behaviour.
Then I realised all of the people at work I have issue with are the strong minded, direct talking, pushy, in your face characters and I perceive them as bullies.
I’ve realised bullying is a huge huge trigger. It’s been my last few posts. It is coming through time and again.
If the behaviour is directed at me I feel inferior, intimidated, tearful, unhappy, not good enough etc etc etc
Today the particular issue which triggered me most wasn’t directed at me. It was directed on several occasions against a younger colleague who I watched become intimidated, lost for words, etc etc. And my reaction was fury.
So what now?
Listener question: why does criticism feel so bad and how do I stop the belief that people are doing it to be nasty?
Listener question: there have been reports of people driven to terrible actions, apparently because they believed there was no other choice. How does that work in a conversation about reality?
Listener question: is there any truth in our thoughts? Or are they always just a collection of random stuff picked up along the way?
Listener question: I am making delicious treats for my very picky dog (more cat than dog), I finally found some that she likes. And I very much love doing all that and there is so little of quality ones at the market and I am thinking of selling it.
BUT – I would be in business where animals would be slaughtered because of me!
So I think that in the end, I probably won't go with it... (I still am not really sure.)
But I think this is really an interesting topic and you might have some interesting thoughts in exploring it! If it's interesting for you maybe you can talk about it in the podcast or just say here to me a few thoughts, if you have it.
Listener question:
At work my line manager has very limiting beliefs and uses me to vent to about anyone and anything which annoys her.
I find this increasingly difficult to deal with....... Most of the time I don’t agree and recently rather than going with it I have found myself trying to reason with her and convert her to my beliefs! Why? I know I can’t change her.........
Every time this happens though I just find myself annoyed, upset, stressed out and exhausted by it. It’s almost daily and just gets me down.
Now I know it’s all not real. It’s all her story that I’m being dragged into. My self is then making its own drama of it - like a blooming soap opera on TV that I would just turn off because it’s boring!
So is the answer to recognise it’s just all just an illusion and try to not let myself get annoyed, dragged into the drama.
Surely that’s just denial?
Any insights would be really helpful please.
Listener question:
Do you have any comments that I could consider in terms of taking blame or feeling guilt for something, please?
The position of self (which feels like me, inseparable, not something I am observing) is that I made choices to set boundaries in relationships, which in these instances meant prioritising a professional coaching relationship rather than a friendship. The result in the others is that they feel rejected and hurt. I feel responsible for their pain and I hate that I have hurt them or made them feel unworthy of friendship, to have made them feel not good enough. If I had continued in the (blurry) arena of being friends and coach, they would not be feeling that way. Therefore, their pain is my fault and I feel so guilty and horrible. Urgh......
Listener question: I am wondering how you see boundaries in the context of non-duality. I would say that I have very weak boundaries whilst being deeply suspicious that we need them! If we are in touch with our true self does that not take care of the need for them?
Listener question: what do you mean with human self, the self? The terms ego, self, soul, inner self are confusing.
hi Clare - I wonder if you could sum up the simple essential truths about this understanding. I love how you explain everything in different ways to make it more understandable. It shows how this works in our daily life. But sometimes it feels good for me to see the big and simple picture, to get back to simplicity. It gives an overview or a frame for it all.
Listener question : I was wondering how oneness and uniqueness are possible at the same time... how can any expression be more unique than another if there is no separation to begin with..
Listener question: Could you say maybe something about confidence and competition.
Recently it became apparent that the I seems to be in constant competition in all areas of life. Keeping a hypervigilant gaze on the others who seem always better, more competent, more charming, compatible, positive, etc. It’s tough times for a lot of people, but somehow the I believes to be the utter underdog (at work for example) holding a belief that if times get even tougher I’m the first one out the door.
Although objective evidence seems to be that I work in an environment where bosses and colleagues care about me.
Confidence at all time low and confusion equally high. Maybe there is a question in this somewhere.
Listener question:
It seems that what we're calling "apparent reality" isn't the same as illusion or dream, it's the learned, conditioned perception each brain body has of reality. An illusion or a dream cannot be touched, it's intangible. Just like the imagination of the mind in creating future scenarios that aren't happening, they aren't real. Those are illusions/a dream. That's also why we say feelings in the body are the closest we can get to reality, because they are direct - although I would argue the body can generate sensations based on thoughts in the mind and therefore you can experience pain from imaginative thought.
Apparent reality can be touched. It's what I call regular boring reality. Which goes back to a real body standing in a road can be hit by a real car.
Are you saying that there is no objective reality because the brain-body can't know that objective reality any other way than subjectively through experience which is created by the brain, or as you say, mind?
This is a slippery slope because the world of form is still here, even if we can only know it through our unique lens. To me there is an objective reality - yes if a tree falls in the forest it makes a sound even if no one hears it.
Thank you!
How did you first really "get" this? Was it a sudden Road to Damascus moment of utter seeing and knowing that in a flash changed everything forever, or was it rather a long slow drawn-out painful grind of stops and stutters till you finally saw what an idiot you'd been seeing things any other way?
Book reference:
Conversations in Non Duality: Twenty Six Awakenings by Eleanora Gilbert
Listener question: How does this conversation not slide over into there's no form and therefore no science to study that form, no laws to govern the interaction of forms (traffic speed laws or requirements on auto safety design), and no reason to treat one another well? This can just as easily slide into the other side of a conditioned response called nihilism. You've already spoken about how this isn't solipsism.
A listener request for comment on an email:
I think I may have had an epiphany. Or something. I’m not sure.
I am a container for Mind. A conduit for Infinite Intelligence. An individual expression of the animating force of the universe. It expresses through me. I think and I feel. Thoughts and feelings come spontaneously, which generate behavior. I have no control over any of it. When I’m in a low mood, and behaving accordingly, I just wait it out. It will eventually pass. No matter what I am thinking and feeling, whether “good or “bad”, it is not who I am, but a manifestation of a self that does not actually exist. When I let go of whatever I am thinking and feeling, it allows the Infinite to express though me, and my state changes naturally to one of Love, Peace, and Joy. I don’t have to upgrade my feelings, or choose a better thought, but simply let everything move through me so my True Self, which is Love and Peace becomes my experience. I do this effortlessly by simply being aware that I am thinking and feeling. And this is who I really am – the Experience of Peace, the Expression of Love.
BTW, I must tell you. While reading SANE, I had an awakening, of sorts. When you wrote “my thoughts are not true” (or something to that effect), I suddenly felt a great relief. A feeling that everything was suddenly OK. Because I didn’t have to believe my thoughts, I was FREE, like a great weight had been lifted. I felt a deep Peace. A certainty that life was good, that I was OK, and everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. That feeling has not left. It’s been a while now, about two weeks. That’s why I wrote to you. I felt so good after that, I was a little confused about the No Control thing. I still am. I am new to the Three Principles, and new to non-dualism, but something tells me I’ve been searching for this my entire life.
Please comment.
As I've worked through relationships and roles the common thread I am finding is the overwhelming sense of responsibility wherever there is suffering or stress.
My question - does the sense of responsibility come from the need to control, or does the need to control create the sense of responsibility?
So beliefs, experience, action are revealing what has been learned by the form/being... But what about thoughts, feelings, emotions? Are they revealing anything/have any purpose? Or like the 3P people say, are they just randomly coming in from who knows where or what? Thanks!!
Can you please do a podcast on fate and destiny seen from the perspective of learning vs the impulse of life being lived.
There is no self that is the do-er because the self is a concept created by the brain-body as part of learning. And that does not mean an absence of doing or the being having custody of that doing. Can you speak on this please?
Listener question: I do not have control over other people, events, and circumstances. Agreed. And I do not have control over the thoughts that bubble up in my mind. They arise on their own, for the most part. But I CAN think on purpose. Thoughts may arise, but I can also think intentionally. And this applies to my actions even more so. My instinct may be to anger or blame or withdraw. But I CAN act another way if I choose. Knowing I have no control, and letting go of wanting anything to be other than what it is, eases my way though life. The idea of noticing, simply observing, without engagement is freedom, and resting in the knowledge that I cannot change anything external to me is peace. But I’m sticking to my guns here (sorry for the violent metaphor)… I know that I can think on purpose and act accordingly. And I create my experience to that extent. Please comment, thank you again.
Exploring Puma Chodron's quote 'The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently'.
Exploring life's purpose with the Remi quote: 'Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.'
Exploring the two gifts of life.
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Exploring how we can bring the story of ourselves and others into every situation, every new relationship .
Exploring what happens when we think expression is personal. If you would like to join the course mentioned the details are here: https://claredimond.com/current-live-program/
Listener question :
I’ve been on my own for most of this year with my 3 year old boy. I had planned to travel to see family in Scotland for Christmas and I had been so much looking forward to it. Now the government has changed the rules and I can’t go and I am devastated. I am so terribly lonely. I keep trying to tell myself it is just my thinking but that makes it worse. What can I do?
Exploring how the realisation of the dream sends us deeper into the world of form not away from it
Listener question: My therapist said that going down the rabbit hole of emotional suffering is a choice. It was said that we have a choice when we notice the unhelpful conditioned pattern kick in and we can access more supportive inner patterns within us. But I recall you saying that we don’t have a Choice? Im confused and don’t know what to trust anyway. Or is my mind using doubt as another destructive tool?
Listener question: It seems that this understanding is used as a vehicle for denying form: there is no Corona viruses, viruses don't exist, there is no such thing as racism, etc.
People are always doing the best they can with the thinking that looks real to them in the moment. If nothing needs fixing, and the world of form also has impacts of actions, I struggle with wanting to respond in ways that acknowledge wholeness without denying form.
This looks like my inquiring into what other thought is happening that leads to no virus or no racism. Can you say more on this?
Listener question: What's real is the sensations in the body. When I zone in on them to allow them and have the experience (and not attach a story or resist), they seem to increase in intensity and not move thru. I wonder then is it better to just cohabitate with them and not focus so much? It feels like I'm constantly checking in.
Exploring the Khalil Gibran quote: 'It is slavery to live in the mind unless it has become part of the body.'
Exploring what is going on when we are desperate for our emotions, thoughts, experience or state to change.
Listener question: my question is about repetitive obsessive thinking about something I’ve said or done. Sometimes I say or do things I regret snd I run them over and over in my mind. The more I do the more embedded they become and the more ashamed I feel because I can’t undo what’s been said or done. Would you please speak to this?
Listener question : I'm thinking about doing something but is it just my ego driving me?
Listener question (follow up to 'Is it my fault?' podcast)
This is what comes up, not necessary as an astute question.
While I listen to the podcast it it all makes sense, but when I’m back in thinking and feeling it’s a deep painful shitshow.
So what I hear is that the I, the Ego is the biggest blind spot. Instantly it feels doomed and incredible painful and hopeless with no way out. Maybe that’s my core trauma of being inherently bad as a person? Really don’t know how to not feel that.
However I remember times when there was inner peace and immense love not only in this exploration, but in my courageous life as well.
Don’t know if I do myself a favour, it’s so confusing being in this exploration and having therapy at the same time feels like clutching straws.
Exploring the 'gifts' that make transparent the idea of how things should be and how I should be.
Exploring how a profound realisation of wholeness involves integration of everything that confronts or conflicts with the idea of what is OK.
Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off a portion of one’s being, but by integration of the contraries.
― Carl Gustav Jung
Exploring the paralysis, effort and confusion that can result from the 'editor' when really the whole system is designed for sanity x
Listener question: I suppose I’m again in the thick of it (triggered by painful events at work) with overthinking, panic, hotflushes, insomnia, crying meltdowns. I thought I could be more resilient by now. I need again a lot of emotional support and tender loving care. But I perceive the world as brutal at the moment and it doesn’t help to know it’s all thought created. Is it all my fault?
The conundrum of 'there is only this' / seeing this is the end of suffering as we know it
Listener question: is life a continual unfolding of seeing more of the self arising and then it dissolving as more of the truth is seen? My impression is that the self doesn't "end", it arises and more is seen as that happens.
Listener question: Is it possible to have shift and the self dissolve without the hopelessness?
Listener question : why are "wants" are not met. When we do not really want it, we just think we should. Example... People want to go to the gym. After 2 weeks they withdraw from it. Why? I assume they do not really want it. They just want to feel better/satisfied/worthy and going to the gym is just a tool for achieving it.
Or in this case it is not "wanting" but "needing"?
What do you think?
Listener question:
My 'nice' life (the exact opposite of a messy life) - all a dance of protection and control. Keep life on an even keel! Don't ruffle feathers! It feels like I just havent been present to much of it. Always somewhere else and taking the CEO position of managing the NICE Life Corporation very seriously.
So tedious, boring and ludicrous. Should be a relief that I don't have to do it anymore but writing this ut just seems like i don't know how to let it get messy.
Some stuff just needs to explode through. Biggy is around my marriage that is Nicely manged and no real reason to end or fair to my hubby who adores me. Would really love to see this differently as we have so much good stuff between us. Just dont want to continue being NICE. Mirror mirror on the wall......want to bite his/my head off. Need a good raging rant or to get drunk which would be a first as NICE never allowed either of tbose!!!!
So where am I? Trying not to be NICE yet holding madly on and shit scared of what might be said out loud that shoudn't be aimed at anyone.
Question from several listeners: why would we look at behaviour if there is no separate self or objective reality? Isn't that just about fixing the self?
Listener question: The more I realize that I am not the doer, life is completely predetermined (because of all the things which happened before I had no influence on like upbringing and genes and because of time and space). I just have the feeling of self will but it is an illusion. The feeling of worthlessness, senselessness, nothing to hope for and fix and aim for brings me to a very desperate place.
Listener question: Ok if we are life’s unlimited potential itself, why is it that the self seems to have a contracted dense heavy default mode? It’s almost like a magnetic pull to heaviness, overthinking, and unhelpful patterns that are obvious toxic and not in line with the deep lust for aliveness that seems to get lost underneath it all.
Listener question:
‘It really makes sense that this body here would move out of the way of whatever would damage it....the form will do what is necessary [in that moment] to survive. And it can do this without any concept of self, any concept of past or future, any concept of separation.
Our concept of self is not what is keeping us safe, keeping harmful others at bay. Response is happening regardless of the idea of self.’ [taken from SANE: getting real with reality]
Would this apply to the damage of rejection and the threat to survival it poses, or is that a concept that only a separate self can come up with?
Listener question: if everything is perfect then why would we look at insecurity or behaviour? Isn't that just what is?
Listener question: Is it not just as much to learn about the illusion of self and others when we feel great? I was thinking about when we are in love and when we feel "on top" and "in the flow" when for example work seems to go very well.
When we are in love we have this illusionary thinking about "the other person" and maybee underneath a scenario of how great it will be together and also we maybee have a great feeling about "our self" when the other person is also in love. Isn't this as much an illusion and a posibility to learn as when we are afraid of someone or that we are not liked by "the other"?
And when "the self" think it is doing great at work, getting fabulous results etc and everything seems to flow, it is very easy for "the self" to unconsciously take credit for it and feel safe.
But often when we feel good we tend to think that this is how it is supposed to be and that we are on the right track.
Listener question: I have a question, on behalf of my wife. She suffers from severe chronic pain. I would like to read her some of your writing, probably starting with SANE. However, to her, the idea that she should look on these intolerable conditions or circumstances as just part of the content of life, or as something to be accepted as just part of the Present, is insulting and like a slap in the face. It is hard, maybe impossible, for her to NOT believe in the reality of the constant pain with which she has to live. To her, if the universe is 'Life' and she and the pain are part of that Life, then the universe sucks and Life is not much more than cruelty and misery and a horrible joke.
What do you tell someone who lives with such conditions? Do you have any ideas for how I might be able to help her cope in the Present?
Listener question: When you experience that awakening and realisation, how do you know the awakening and realisation, that feeling of total awareness and love, are not just more products of conditioning? How does anyone know that you are not just thinking and believing this is the reality of love and awakening?
Listener question:
Staying with the contraction, not running away from it, we do get info. But how to interpret the info if the only reference point you are aware of is in the story you have lived?
If life tells me to go right I will gladly go right. But isn’t my interpretation of what life is telling me always based upon good and/or bad within the story? Maybe even creating a new one as I sometimes see happening ( “God spoke to me and he wants me to……..(fill in whatever you want)..because I am the chose none”)..
Am I not (even within the story) exactly where I should be?! And, accepting that, allowing that, not running away from that, is there anywhere else to go to find the peace and happiness and love we are here, at this very moment, with exactly the amount of money, energy, time and connection that is now experienced?!
I think not..End of story..
And then? Left or right? And why?
Please throw me a life-line here…
Listener question: I have a question which relates to teenage children and my developing understanding around this conversation.
As a parent I’ve loved, supported and guided my children on their path to become independent young people. When they behave in a way which goes against my own values, beliefs, and rules for living, I find myself in a state of suffering. I’m beginning to see that this suffering is caused by my own need to feel in control in order that my ‘self’ feels stable. I guess you would say that their behaviour is nothing to do with me and that I shouldn’t take it personally, but I do, as I feel it is my responsibility and I’ve always taken my responsibilities seriously, especially when it comes to my children.
This is where I’m a little stuck, can you point me in the direction to see something different here please? It all looks so real when I’m in the thick of it all! Is it just a question of letting go of resistance and control?
Exploring how often, the asking is reinforcing the apparent reality in which the self cannot get what it wants.
Exploring the impossibility of a self existing separately from the body, mind or environment.
Exploring how the physical rules of how form works are generally reliable while the 'rules' of the self are not
Listener question: I've just finished reading 'Sane'. A challenging read for me to stick with if I'm being honest. I found myself constantly wanting to run ahead to the 'how to' section. I realise from my other reading in 'the conversation' that's it's not about the how-to. What I took away from the book, and I hope this was the point you were trying to get across, is that it's not about the beliefs that I hold about myself (I), but that the 'I' itself is just a set of beliefs. Correct? So the questions that spring to mind are, 1. how did they get there? and 2. what keeps them in place? Did I miss that in the book? Does it even matter?
Exploring why the understanding that Trump is a concept created by the mind can enable us to be and do what it is we demand of him (or any one else we have a reaction to).
Exploring what drives behaviour. As the self identity is transcended, the need to 'be someone' falls away leaving just the pure dynamic passion of life in form.
Exploring how behaviour is not controlled by a separate self, but it revelatory about what that self is believed to be or need.
Exploring how that thought - and the one underneath it - 'this should not be happening to me' are what fixes an apparent reality in place for the duration of that resistance.
Looking at Gangaji's words: We have tried everything to get rid of suffering. We have gone everywhere to get rid of suffering. We have bought everything to get rid of it. We have ingested everything to get rid of it. Finally, when one has tried enough, there arises the possibility of spiritual maturity with the willingness to stop the futile attempt to get rid of it and, instead, to actually experience suffering. In that momentous instant, there is the realization of that which is beyond suffering, of that which is untouched by suffering. There is the realisation of who one truly is.
Looking at Unmani's words: "Recognising who you really are, will destroy you and your whole life as you know it."
Looking at Alan Watt's words: "This image of yourself is obviously not real. Any more than the idea of a tree is a tree. Any more than you can get wet in the word ‘water’."
Looking at Tony Parsons' words, "Being is totally whole just being. And it is alive and fleshy and sexy and juicy and immediately this; it’s not some concept about ‘there’s no-one here’. It’s not some concept about ‘there’s nowhere to go’. It’s the aliveness that’s in that body right now. There is pure beingness, pure aliveness."
Looking at the quote from Deepak Chopra "The real you is a field of intelligence in which the person you have identified yourself with, all other persons, as well as the environment in which they exist, all co-arise and co-evolve as a result of your own self-interactions."
Continuing a conversation from a webinar yesterday about what happens when it is realised that reality is a hall of mirrors
Listener question:
Clare,
I have three of your books, I listen to your podcasts and I have watched some of your videos. Yet I cannot work out how to live a life that is not dominated by negative thinking, anxiety and occasional panic...
....these thoughts were like the straw that broke the camel’s back with all the other shit in my life. I’m waiting for an appointment with a consultant. So I don’t feel well. I feel shit actually. I need to decorate some of my house but don’t feel well enough. I work long shifts that are very tiring and I look after someone some of the week. I sometimes feel that I just cannot cope with it ‘all’.
It ALL. Is it really so much? Someone else might just cope with this stuff like water of a duck’s back, right?
I try my circuit breakers (your podcast on this was great) . Meditation. Trying some exercise, wine, beer, food, etc and of course it doesn’t work. How could it? But I cannot grasp this ‘isness’ that you speak of underneath all this shit... How can I? Obviously not on the level of the mind. I listen, but I will never understand on that level, will I?
I know on the level of thought that this is like living in the Dream... But how do yo free yourself from this ?
How do you do it?
Exploring the circuit breakers of mental suffering and how they can never be the ultimate solution.
Exploring the shift from seeking to control all experience to understanding it for the revelation of what we truly are
Listener question:
Dear Clare
I enjoyed reading your book but am troubled by the idea of what is reality. If one doesn’t believe the reality of what one sees and feels then are you saying that places like Auschwitz or the torture chambers around the world are mere illusions ? Why should anyone bother to resist evil if it isn’t real ?
I look forward to your reply
Exploring how this conversation can be used to bypass the pain of rejection and avoid what the other is saying or it is the freedom of realising there is no such thing as rejection.
Exploring how this conversation can be a convenient way to maintain the illusion of separation
Using the metaphor provided by a writer friend of mine to look at why there is no solution in the mental activity of self.
Exploring how the belief in the concepts of self, future, separation create stress, while pressure can be something else altogether.
Listener question:
I have a question of where to start spreading these principles of human experience?
Could you share with me your beginnings in the diffusion of this understanding, that is, when you did not have the audience you have today?
Exploring how sleep coaching and technologies are completely irrelevant while it looks like there is a self that controls when sleep begins and ends.
Listener question: When you talk about the ‘dissolving’ of beliefs I still can’t get my head around it. I have thoughts like ‘I am not strong enough to cope with this lack of sleep’ is that a belief in itself or a thought coming from a deeper belief e.g. I am not resilient?
When I question this belief my mind comes up with lots of evidence as to why it is true e.g. my buggered immune system and my tiredness (staying out of the story of these as much as possible)
My mind seems to then hit a wall and I find myself tracing back to questioning the ‘I’ in the belief e.g. who is it that is not resilient?
Perhaps I’m just not entirely sure what self enquiry actually is at the moment it seems to be creating shit storm confusion rather than a portal to what is true.
Looking at the Rumi quote "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it" and exploring how that applies to everything that is desired.
- There are only thoughts rising and falling in space of awareness. Labeling a thought or an emotion “positive” or “negative” is just another thought, creating more mental activity, more confusion. Any labeling (positive/negative, good/bad, right/wrong, fair/unfair etc) or self-judgment (“I don’t get it” or “I am not enlightened yet” or “I am not good enough”) is the voice of the dualistic mind, the separate self, the resistance to what is. Can you please help me to clarify this point?
Listener question: I was just thinking what you said in the last webinar on the Fear/Safe course about the intelligence. Is it possible that this could be the same as Sydney Banks meant when talking about Mind. It is the intelligence of all things and that is what is "guiding" us.
Listener question: I am really struggling today with panic and anxiety. I am finding myself trying to feel the fear and do it anyways for my son. Part of me wants to show him that even though I don’t feel well at all that I don’t give up. Then my mind flips to, why am I pushing myself through something that I know will be hell and do I want him to see me have another panic attack in the car? Can I hide this much longer? If I give in to my fear then I am left with guilt. It seems as though everything I learn and absorb in podcasts and programs goes out the window the minute my stomach starts acting up then the anxiety starts shouting at me. Oh I just want it to be quiet in my mind.
Listener question: If I am not supposed to feel the fear and do it anyway the countless times that I feel my entire torso contracted with fear every day, what am I supposed to do instead so I can still move through the world? If I stopped and just stayed with the fear every single time it arose until it naturally passed and “what’s not true falls away,” as you say, I might do little else throughout the day.
Listener question: Ever since I’ve become more aware I seem to have no mates and especially with my boss as we were mates before she became my boss now I just cannot stand being around her it’s like my body just wants to run the other way even though I know it’s me and can never be her .But is it just ok to let her go and have no friendship I do try to stay so present around her but it’s not happening I have to walk away out of meetings go and breathe. I mean I never tell her this I just feel so unkind to her and I’m not enlightened enough but what I’m trying to say is - can it ever be just we don’t like each other fair enough or do I always have to be around that pain? And this is not just happening with her lots of people even people I love so much.
Listener question: I have a question about trauma which i’m sure you’ve been asked many times before but it’s one that keeps coming up in the work that i do so would welcome your thoughts.
If someone has suffered with trauma in early life, be it physical or sexual abuse or emotional neglect, is there a need to “heal the trauma” ?
John Welwood who coined the phrase “ Spiritual Bypassing “ said that you need to do the work, whereas more radical non dual teachers like Tony Parsons would say not because there is no self there only what’s arising.
To talk to a client who has suffered from childhood abuse from a non dual perspective, even when they have some insight, is challenging.
How to you approach early childhood trauma from a non dual perspective ?
Listener question: My partner is going through a very brutal process at work at the moment. and the way he deals with stress is to have short bursts of rage. Because of my history that frightens me. But I feel his pain as it was my own because he is the love of my life. I can see where crazy thinking and the self takes over, but I’m still entangled in this painful process. I see there is a lot of story around endings and abandonment and at the same time I see strength in my system emerging. I’m very well aware that trauma is not my identity, I feel deep love for my family who suffered so much in their time. But it’s echoes are still around. I suppose the question is again about bridges, where is the crossroads between suffering and seeing reality? I often feel I “miss the boat“.
Exploring how the mind can never know anything about where it is coming from. But the response to our actions is revelatory.
Listener request: please say more about the concept of RICH with time, money, energy and connection.
Listener question: Is it necessary to identify or pin down the individual ‘beliefs’ we hold about the self? Nowadays when I feel fear or unease I know that it is because I’m believing something that isn’t true but I find it increasingly hard to pinpoint what it is. In the beginning of my journey here I could pinpoint exactly what the belief was but now I find I notice the feelings and sensations but there is no obvious ‘shouty’ belief to be found.
I feel like it doesn’t really matter because whatever it is, it can never be true anyway. It’s as if I’m sometimes looking for something that I can’t find but if I did find it I’d realise it’s not true!
Listener question: Discipline has been a painful story in my life, the word makes me feel slightly nauseous. I’m ready now to look at it more closely. Discipline was always something coming from outwards, imposed rules and forces. It was expected to work really hard and seemed there was no Space and time to just be myself. I was forced to do shit I didn’t like, ie ballet class or wearing clothes I didn’t like.
It was a story of emotional and physical punishment and „as long you live under my roof you do as you told. Even if it was futile I couldn’t help but rebel against that. The rebel became part of my identity in my teens and twenties. The earlier memory seems like there was no room for sensitivity, creativity, playfulness, innocence or just being a child.
So nowadays it seems a struggle to develop a healthy relationship to being disciplined with the things I like to do or achieve, ie. to commit to consistency. There is something to be seen.
Exploring how the realisation that the problems of imagination cannot be solved shifts the whole experience of being into the intelligence of now.
Listener Question:
Generally, life’s mirror reflects worry, doubt and perfectionism in relationships which makes spending large chunks of time on my own much easier and mostly a relief.
However, I wonder if I’m missing out through ignorance of what healthy relationships can be like. Since there’s only now, and only our current state of learning and readiness, how is space created for patterns of belief to be shed? I can absolutely see and hear the self in this, and wonder if these glaring relationship difficulties are an insistent clarion call from life to trust that every experience is in my favour, no matter how overwhelming they feel, and to recognise that I am strong enough to feel the discomfort and uncertainty of real, seismic change.
Listener question:
I suddenly had an awareness of my mother as a young mother, and saw that her bursts of anger came from her anxiety and self doubt as a parent (she's spoken to me often as an adult about the self-doubt she had, but I'd never connected it to her anger). I don't think that I've ever realised how early on that experience was there for her, and I have the deepest compassion for her, knowing how locked into her reality she must have been from such early days - without the hint of a different space to live from. Can this "knowing" be true? Or is it at the level of the self identity? it seems to me that it bypasses the self - how could it be at the level of self if there's nothing to protect or seek comfort for?
listener question:
Can you talk about fear generated from flashbacks? It seems life flows along and contact with family members which is regular, unfortunately, undoubtedly triggers remembrances of a traumatic, cruelty filled childhood and young adulthood.
Once the thought storm is triggered, it's almost impossible to step out of the loop and fear takes over. Fear of insanity too, because other family members don't have the same experience.
Decades of techniques and therapy have not erased the horror film from the memory bank. There's effort to honor the feelings now and let them go, but (here's the big but that you speak of) they come back in the form of other memories. Is it just a matter of time? How long must this go on? I'm no spring chicken and I've had enough.
Amazingly, the fear hasn't stopped me from having a full life, but life experiences have always been tainted by the fear, anxiety and depression that visits regularly.
Any wisdom will be appreciated.
Listener question: A couple of years ago i participated in a course that was all about accepting feelings in the body. So every day i meditated and tried to feel what was going on in my body. But instead of feeling things, my mind just became so stirred up that i got very depressed. Now when i hear you say: “just feel it”, i notice the depression coming up again. I’m scared of it. The last time it wasn’t helpfull at all to explore my feelings. So why would this time be different? When I ‘zoom in’ on Anxiety, i get really identified with it. Then it’s all about me. And that’s when i get very lost. Not talking about it - not being focussed on it - seems to do a better job then the zooming in.
Listener question: When there has been a lot of conditioning of random physical punishment in early years, and that resulted in a belief of being inherently bad and wrong, almost like it’s lodged into the physical body. Is then this understanding strong enough to unravel this physical visceral memory?
I write to you as I’m finding the FEAR course really challenging! Although I feel like running as far away from the course as possible, I’m sticking with it because a part of me knows there is more to see here.
Am I to suppose that I’m feeling uncomfortable because there’s a recognition that I’ve lived in fear for most of my life? I guess I’ve thought it was somehow protecting me? Something inside me tells me that I’ve never ‘allowed’ myself to even begin to shine a light on all of this as it’s too painful to see what might be revealed!
Having suffered loss of very dear loved ones and having had health issues myself, have and still do at times feel broken. I think I’m beginning to see that I have a very deep rooted fear of illness and death.... I’m guessing that I see this as the ultimate separation, of which I’m terrified!!?
I think I’m still at the stage of searching for an escape from this unbearable pain, looking for the ‘answer’ in the next podcast/webinar... a hope that you, Clare, will tell me what to do! I know that’s not possible but a pointer in the right direction would be gratefully received!
So, I suppose I’m asking whether by just staying in this conversation, that over time, I’ll see more of who I really am and old beliefs will fall away and I’ll rediscover who I really am? I feel confused and my anxiety is heightened at present. I cannot see that I’m not real just now. This is messing with my head!
Listener question - the REAL course seems to look away from ME and into the dissolution of self which I seemed to feel more comfortable with, but this course is turning to and focusing on ME, my actual fear, fear of showering alone, fear of going out alone etc and most importantly fear of me/of reality. I feel quite numb and a bit detached/lost. I usually cant wait for the next days video but am not interested (this isn't the correct word I want as its more impersonal than that). I don't want to stop the course but I guess just wanted to share this with you. I have also seen that I have many more fears than the one I thought of, the main thing in my life (or so I thought). There are fears of my child going to Uni, fear of my youngest going back to school, fear of my mother getting older, fear around money, fear of not having many friends and of not feeling I am able to rectify this through joining groups or going to work. ITS ALL FEARS!!! Help!
Listener question: Exhibiting symptoms of fear and suffering were so dangerous in my formative experience that I’m not sure I recognise when I’m suffering/feeling fear - habits of window dressing and toughing it out would seem to be so ingrained - but I’m wondering if the strong aversion I feel (and subsequent avoiding action I take) to a range of experiences of ‘other’ is suffering in disguise?
Listener question: "Would it ultimately be cruel or healing to try to go cold turkey on these avoidance/ cleaning rituals? Is that what I need to do to finally fully rewire my cells and brain patterns to know it is all my imagination today? In other words, is it really true that my avoidance/cleaning habits are actually numbing techniques that are keeping the PTSD “self” lodged deeper in place?
Exploring the fear related to decisions and to 'doing the right thing' and how the actions will always be what makes sense given the understanding of reality and self
Exploring the relationship between body, mind and self and what that means for self care.
Exploring how behaviour is simultaneously 'just what is' and also an indication of the protection of something that doesn't even exist.
Exploring how feeling the fear and doing it anyway can result in a change of understanding but can equally reinforce the misunderstanding. Understanding that fear is the protection of a vulnerable self is the opportunity to see what that self really is.
Fear is the gift that shows all this armour and defence is actually protecting nothing.
Exploring the link between fear and self loathing.
If you have a question related to fear please send to clare@claredimond.com. Thank you x
Exploring why seeing the self, the experience and the other as separate objective entities maintains the suffering and exhaustion.
Exploring how powerfully fear can manifest in destruction, damage, addiction and confusion and yet ultimately nothing is being protected.
Over this month we'll explore what fear really is. Today we begin with an introduction. Please send any questions to clare@claredimond.com.
Exploring how the understanding that 'there is no objective reality' is never a denial and always an opening to whatever arises.
Exploring how mental health exercises, like anything else, if carried out from a place of misunderstanding, only increase the suffering.
Exploring the yearning for connection and the inevitable patterns of defence and protection that will play out when that yearning is misunderstood.
Exploring how the seeing of a unhelpful pattern means it is already on its way out.
[If you have anything you would like us to explore please message clare@claredimond.com]
Exploring this irony: the realisation that the idea of self is not something that can belong anywhere allows the freedom of movement to the places and people where the unique expression to be expressed most vibrantly.
Summarising how the look at the different sins has made it clear that there is no possibility of sin...
Exploring how there is no amount of work which will secure the self and no amount of avoidance. With the realisation of that life is simply a response to what arises.
Exploring how anger is not a choice or a sin it is simply a learned reaction that will fall away with the realisation that there is no separate object or person to be angry at and no self to be angry.
Exploring how the extraordinarily complex landscape of lust, desire and sexual behaviour becomes increasingly simple with an understanding of who we are.
Exploring how the desire for excessive consumption is inevitable given what has been learned about the self.
Exploring how envy is the inevitable outcome of the belief that self worth is conditional.
Just one thing to consider as we mark the end of this mini-series - the 'real' world IS real...
Exploring how altruism that happens with an idea of superior self and a needy other is always about securing the self.
Exploring how the idea that the self is responsible is a misunderstanding that creates stress and that the realisation of what we are unveils a wholeness and a unity with everything that arises.
Exploring how material objects look to have an objective truth to them but that really how they appear is always a function of whatever understanding there is moment to moment.
Exploring how actual impact can never be known or quantified and how the realisation of that allows for presence and response to what is.
Exploring why our work is a meditation practice leading to the falling away of what is not true.
Exploring how success and failure are part of the film of self and how without that film there is only this.
Exploring how looking to the world to categorise right and wrong behaviour only leads to more confusion about what is true and where change can come from.
Concluded our mini-series exploration into the relationship between self, mind and body. Thanks for listening x
Exploring how the idea of trying to accept an illness can send us into a tailspin of futility, exhaustion, self-blame and hopelessness.
Exploring how there is a role for all types of thought, belief and association interventions in the sanity of knowing who we really are.
Exploring how a diagnosis is only ever a container or frame for reference and information, the flight of imagination it creates is never reality.
Exploring how an understanding of what is true means that medicine and drugs will be used in response to reality rather than trying to fix confusion.
Exploring how therapy can be transformational when practiced within an understanding that there is nothing fixed, objective or true in the idea of self, other, past or future.
Exploring how the understanding that the idea of self is the activity of mind means that techniques like meditation and mindfulness are seen for what we already are.
Over the next week or so we are going to look at different practices in relation to the self concept to explore the dynamic between our idea of who we are, the mind and the body.
Exploring how exercise or body work can seem like a way to secure the self and seek out the 'zone' until it is realised that the self will never be secured and that the zone is what we are already.
Exploring how the self and other are made of the same stuff - just appearing as separate.
If you have a topic request please let Clare know on clare@claredimond.com.
Or visit the website http://www.claredimond.com
Thanks x
Exploring how the moments of flow and absence of self can be seen as an escape from reality or understood to actually be reality.
Exploring how talent and ability are nothing to do with an individual separate idea of self.
Exploring the idea of right and wrong behaviour and how it can take us to an exploration of the ultimate source - ourselves.
Exploring how gaslighting - psychological manipulation that leads an individual to question their own memories, perceptions or judgement - depends on a confusion about what is real in the first place.
Exploring how trying to control the world in order to not feel fear is a futile effort.
Exploring how the need to avoid our worst fears coming true is a powerful motivation but one that is destructive and unnecessary.
Exploring how the fear of something happening to the most precious people in our life means we miss out on true intimacy with them.
Continuing the look at fear, we explore more specifically the fear of harm to the body or death.
Exploring how the body will protect itself from physical danger and how the protection of the self identity is on its way out.
Exploring how the assumed heaven of having everything we could ever want is also the hell of losing it.
Exploring how the honouring of the miracle of being is a natural implication of a deeper understanding of who we are.
Do we have power and control? Or are we being controlled? Or is something else entirely going on...
Exploring how competition can be an attempt to secure the self or an opportunity to see what is really true.
Exploring how the avoidance of suffering only serves to limit the immersion in life and reality.
Exploring how the temporary relief from suffering keeps experience trapped in a vicious circle, while the relief of knowing who we really are is enormous and at the same time, playful and even funny.
Exploring how the identifiers of the 'I am' must be clung on to when there is insecurity or defence and how that has nothing to do with the beingness of who we are.
Exploring how the self that resists the thing, the voice that says the self must accept the thing and the thing itself are all the same.
The idea that we are wearing distorting goggles is often used in conversations about how thought creates reality. That can lead to frustration and self blame as we try to without success to change reality. But what if that idea is taken the whole way to the realisation that the self IS the goggles...?
Exploring how the attempt to not feel anger and the personalisation of it come from a misunderstanding of what is true.
Exploring the stages of human development in how the concepts of self, other and the world appear.
Exploring how behaviour will always be 'right' for whatever understanding of self and other it emerges from and how the only place of navigation is from the deepest inner knowing of completeness and love.
Exploring how the self believes it is what makes the decisions and dictates whether instructions will be obeyed or not. It never is.
Exploring how being offended reinforces the idea of a separate, insecure self or can reveal what is actually going on.
Exploring how resistance is a sign of confusion and not the navigating tool it is assumed to be.
Exploring how jealousy can send us deeper into the illusion of self or indicate where authentic expression is veiled
Exploring how a period of confusion and lack of drive is a logical consequence of the falling away of the idea of a separate self.
Exploring how anything - including a conversation about oneness - can be used to separate out from the world. But when suffering is a sign to enquire, to get closer, to see what is real then all that happens is a deeper immersion into reality.
Exploring how the understanding that there is no other makes it impossible for lying or manipulation to occur.
Exploring how it could be possible that the self is the body, it is not even in it. The body appears within the self.
Exploring how only an understanding of who we and the other really are can end the mirrors-facing-each-other effect of defence and protection.
Exploring how transformative behavioural change can only come from a shift in understanding of self, other and reality.
Exploring how shame and embarrassment come from a misunderstanding that actions could be different and that the self idea needs to be protected
Exploring why solipsism - the idea that nothing exists outside of my perception - cannot be true and what we are beyond the narrative of separation.
Exploring how the stand of 'I am right' is a brittle, fragile platform that must be defended at all costs and how it can give way to the organic, living, authentic voice that is our true nature.
What happens with the realisation that there is no separate individual and no objective reality? Do people, things and places disappear?
Exploring how a misunderstanding of what the self is, is a roller coaster swinging between rejection and approval.
Exploring how trying to build up the self in order to be confident just reinforces the illusion that the self is in control of anything...
Exploring how the body will respond automatically to any physical situation. The defence of the self identity though is something else altogether.
Exploring how vigilance over experience, behaviour, thought and emotions is an attempt to secure the self. And how beneath it, all there is is the open presence and honouring of all form.
Exploring three ways reality of self and other appears:
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as unquestioned objective truth
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the other is created by MY thoughts and beliefs
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there is no self or other - both are creations of the same momentary understanding
Often people say 'OK fine it's all a dream or a film but how do I make it a better dream or a film in which I am happier and more fulfilled?'
The answer is always, only, ever to see what the dream character and the dream really are.
Exploring how a self that must be protected and defended and loved will always encounter people that threaten the identity. Seeing who we really are means there is nothing to defend. Toxic people disappear. The body, of course, will move away from physical harm.
Exploring how the idea that I am in control of my behaviour, thoughts and experiences is essentially the same belief as I am not in control.
Exploring how self blame is a separation from reality, while the understanding that there is no free will creates completeness and present responsibility.
Exploring why potential can never have anything to do with the idea of who we are, how it is revealed in the absence of any idea.
An unusual topic today - exploring the unconditional love from a pet and what this can tell us about human relationships
Exploring the attempt to secure ourselves by controlling the people or the world we see around us and why that will never work.
Exploring why physical and mental health symptoms would ramp up when the self identity is questioned and how all peace and freedom is realised right there.
Desire can be the separation out of this moment. And it looks like the way to go with this conversation is turning away from all form. But actually the opposite is true, life is the desireless immersion and playful expression.
Life can seem to be about trying to make sure all conditions are met so that we can be happy and fulfilled. But when it becomes clear that conditions are never ending, that search falls away and the true unconditional nature of being is revealed.
Exploring how the objectified I is never real and as that dissolves it leaves a lightly held concept that is simply part of expression.
Exploring how for the self that is seeking freedom, peace and happiness there is no point in this conversation. In fact it is torture for that self. Yet what this conversation points to is the only realisation of freedom, peace and happiness.
Exploring why all the emotions, thoughts, feelings and symptoms that we have been trying to avoid might get worse in this exploration...
Exploring what it actually means to 'be realistic' - and it isn't the superficial, unquestioned belief in an objective reality...
Exploring how the limit of any teacher is the extent to which a belief has become a position to defend.
The unimaginable - that there is no controlling self making life happen - becomes the only possibility.
Exploring how realisation of who we are makes it clear that realisation of who we are is not necessary...!
Exploring how a genuine exploration of reality is full immersion and nothing to do with dissociation or denial.
Exploring the compelling refuge, distraction and apparent order of stories and how ultimately the self is absent of all story.
Exploring how trying to find peace through making sure that only the 'right' emotions, thoughts and circumstances are experienced is hiding the true peace of our being.
Exploring how the lightening of the idea of self allows for a transformation in the body.
Exploring how the relief and comfort of having what we think we need or getting rid of what we think we don't want is not the freedom it appears to be.
Exploring how purpose is a thought created idea and how perhaps ultimately the only purpose of life is the dissolving of all concepts - including the idea of purpose itself.
Exploring how the idea of self is like an onion and layer by layer it can dissolve to reveal there is absolutely nothing there.
Exploring how the attempt to hold on to and seek the 'right' experiences, thoughts and emotions and to resist the 'wrong' ones is unfulfillable and is hiding the peace, joy and freedom that we are actually looking for.
Exploring how the idea of values maintains an identity that is separate from the world around it and how, in the dissolving of that identity, our truest essence is lived in effortless wholeness.
Exploring the apparently ludicrous - that there is no one to be ill or to experience illness.
An exploration of how the discomfort when we feel stuck can take us deeper into a belief in limitation or can show that belief for the imagination it really is.
Exploring what is going on with fear and how it often has nothing to do with physical danger and everything to do with the loss or vulnerability of something that doesn't even exist.
Exploring how the suffering apparently caused by other people is telling us 'there is no other'.
There is so much evidence for our beliefs. So they can remain unquestioned. Or we can start to explore how the beliefs themselves create the evidence...
Exploring how believing the imagined idea of the future is a delusion and the source of suffering while the concept of time, understood for what it is, is simply useful.
Exploring how this apparent reality is all there is. And how that apparent reality is never all there is.
Exploring how the search for peace in the right emotions and right circumstances is hiding the peace we're searching for...
Exploring how trying to change behaviour fixes it in place and where change really arises from.
Exploring how other people, events and circumstances are the characters in a story of self and what that tells us about who we really are.
Exploring the roller coaster of emotions and experience and how trying to stay at the top with the right emotions and experience is pointless.
Exploring the nature of concepts (including the concept of self and Coronavirus) and how believing them to be actual reality hides everything we are looking for.
Exploring what is actually real about Coronavirus. What remains when unquestioned belief and imagination fall away? What can be honoured when the need to numb, deny and distract is seen for what it is?