Short Stories for Awkward People: Recent Episodes
Kimberly Schjang
Why Sporks Are Stupid, a Short Story by K.A. Schjang
Around a fire, six men sat, 2 with spoons to eat their chili, 2 with forks to eat their chili, and 2 with knives to eat raw animals like bad asses. One of the Spooners said, "If you were stranded out in the wilderness, what would you bring to eat food with? A spoon, a knife or a fork? Surely a spoon! It's the most logical!" The second Spooner agreed. The Forkers protested loudly, "No, no! A spoon cannot spear meat!" The Knifers continued to eat their raw meat without a word. One of the Spooners had a moment of creativity and said, "I know! I would put all three of them together to have the best of all worlds!" The second Spooner and the Forkers agreed loudly, cheering and raising their utensils to rejoice and clink them together. Then, the Knifers got up and knifed them.