Dial H for Hunks: Recent Episodes
Fat Whippet
The only source of dude news that will teach you to stop kissing your dad and start fucking your mom!
Panic in the Sand! So sayeth the hunks this week as they find themselves ensconsed in the rumblings and chatter of one Ibram Khan, a Pakistani man with the lofty goal of castrating every sex offender within his country. We then take a skip over to Iran to mourn the needless whipping to death of courageous wrestler and activist Navid Afkari. Hopefully he is suplexing virgins in heaven. Finally the hunks get a chance to weigh in on that whole country-being-on-fire situation. Just cuz Cali is burning doesn't mean your boiz can't be a lil' spicy tho.
ALL THAT AND MORE THAN YOU PEASANTS DESERVE LOCKED WITHIN THIS VERY EPISODE I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Disclaimer: This episode was recorded before a lightning strike to the main editing PC caused a temporary lapse in production. Jokes may be subject to temporal displacement
Those darn witch doctors in Sudan are up to their old tricks again! Frot not, the hunks are here to put the kibosh on the clit-chopping and bring dance back to the war-torn country. In bleaker news than genital mutilation, Eric Andre put out the worst standup set of the year and we review it so you don't have to. Finally the hunks would like to pay respects to a true hunk of legend: Grant Imahara. We pray he is busting god's myths in heaven and wish his family the best.
ALL THAT AND MORE THAN YOU PEASANTS DESERVE IN TH
We lost. The subreddit is gone. All the subreddits are gone. Hogwarts has been compromised. Ubisoft has been compromised. It's all over. There is only Zuck now.
Friend of the show Chris joins us in these turbulent times to talk about how the honkies are scrambling over how exactly to appease ' The Blacks'. Don't listen to this if you CAN NOT handle REAL people being REAL. Nick explains what it means to have Gusher's come out in support. Chris tears apart South Korean cinema ONCE AND FOR ALL! Marc leaves to smoke a cigarette in the middle of the episode! All that and more on this week's jampacked episode.
Dude News:
- Mel Gibson claims infant blood drinking is happening in Hollywood
- Defund Atlanta
- Sonic the Hedgehog is still movie of the year
- I started watching Drag Race
- Cancel Yale
- Cancel China
You can't just adopt Chinese children and return them when your Youtube fantasies don't work out. If you disagree maybe YOU are a piece of shit, you enabling rape apologist. How can you stand there while the Pedophilic New World Order claims your future for the price of a polar bear's ill-gotten cocaine? Make a change! Be the Fire Truck!
Scumbag of the Week: Myka Stauffer
Featured Hunk: The People of Minneapolis
Hunk History:
- Joan of Arc is Burned 1431
- 1848 Mexico ratifies treaty giving US; New Mexico, California & parts of Nevada, Utah, Arizona & Colorado in return for $15 million
- 1987 North American Philips Company unveils compact disc video
In this installment of this terrible show, the gang shits it up about how Spotify dropped 9 figures into Joe Rogan's lap and proceeded to destroy our American values.
Dude News
- Joe Rogan goes to Spotify
- Joe Biden says I’m not black
- Keemstar v. H3H3
- The Snyder cut will be released
- China is taking Hong Kong
Hunk History
- 1543 Nicolaus Copernicus publishes proof of a sun-centered solar system. He dies just after publication.
- 1844 Samuel Morse taps out the first telegraph message.
- 1930 Amy Johnson becomes the first woman to fly from England to Australia.
Life as we knew it has ground to a halt. That gives you no excuse, especially if you've been laid off, to not listen to the hunks as they guide our nation through these trying times.
Featured Hunk: The Brain Eating Zombie of Steve Jobs
Scumbag of the Week: Everyone on the internet
Dude News:
- There is no more pasta
- E3 is cancelled
- Tom Hanks has corona
- Bill Gates fucks off for real
- Andrew Gillum is found having drug sex
Kendrick Lamar launched a Ponzi Scheme and all I got was this lousy t-shirt! That's right, the hunks are back to unshackle your mind from the bounds of conformity and give you the tools necessary to maximize your truest reality. If you don't know what that means, it'll cost you $60 to learn more.
In other news, the Primary is all but wrapped up and our boy Bernie failed to defeat the congealed fleshy centrist conglomerate of KloButtiBidenBerg.
As the virus passes over your household and you decide which of your children deserve the dignity of your final bullets, listen to this to keep just a little bit of the sanity we used to have.
Featured Hunking: pg Lang
Scumbag of the Week: Joe Biden
Dude News:
- Lil Uzi album
- Boreds of Prey
- Corona is cancelling everything
- No plastic in New York
- Google Ratfucks Developers
Well it looks like this pandemic has up and caused China to cancel the New Year. As a result the hunks will be looking back at a failed year of movies. If you wanna appreciate film without participating in the pedophilic systemic exploitation of children then forget the Oscars and cram this in your head.
Featured Hunk: Johnny Depp slaps Amber Heard around in court
Scumbag of the Week: Rush Limbaugh gets the cancer he deserves
Dude News:
- Bieber has lyme’s disease
- Orlando Brown says Nick Cannon sucked his dick
- Spotify is ruining podcasting
Manalytics:
- Engrish speakers know they sound funny
- Every elephant needs xanax
- Viagra makes your vision blue-er
- The average man can beat up 2.6 women
The Hunks are in shambles. The World keeps turning.
Featured Hunk: Kobe is dead!
Scumbag of the Week: The Coronavirus lives!
Dude News:
- England has left the chat
- Chi-Fi has ruined my life
- I was scammed by Nick Cage
- Buying a new phone
Manalytics:
- Scientist chill beer to 12 * 10^-7 degrees Kelvin
- Your first virus encounter affects your entire life
- House plants don’t clean your air
- Huge Yale study shows kids hate school
It seems our friend Wee Man has found himself in a touch of hot water as he admits on camera to criminal sexual dalliances with Carlos Mencia. Criss Angel makes an appearance to leave no mind unfreaked. Some limpdick youtuber tries to overcome his erectile dysfunction by disgracing Egyptian artifacts. Finally, nobody ever needs to hear about Star Wars ever again. Drink deep fuckers, this one is for you
Featured Hunk:Brad Williams
Scumbag of the Week: Vitaly Zdorovetskiy
Dude News:
- Star Wars is done
- Conner McGregor is back
- Criss Angel freaks minds
Manalytics:
- Less Sex, More Menopause!
- Soybean oil makes you fat and potentially stupid
- There are way more homeless than we know
- Being rich gives you about 9 more years of life
Featured Hunk: Unborn Musk/Grimes Hybrid
Scumbag of the Week: Cynthia Baker
Hell Yeah’s:
- Iranian WarCraft 3
- U-Haul tests employees for nicotine
Hell No’s:
- Australian Arson Baloney
Manalytics:
- Vapes have done been bad for you maybe
- Scientists discover the Fentanyl of Weed
- Fat Women have Stupid Sons
- Trump makes people crave hamburders
- Alcohol death doubles in 20 years
Confucius once said "For every yingle there is a yangle" and that has never been more true than today. For each display of hunking achievement that improved the world, another equally shitty avatar served to cast mankind into degeneracy. Your hunks, Nick Kenji and Marc, go over the last year of scumbaggery to determine who was the biggest piece of absolute trash to walk the Earth in the year of 2019.
Join us as we recap all the hunks of the past year and decide who will win the coveted Golden Foreskin
We’ve all been here before. We will be back here again.
Featured Hunk: UPS Driver Frank Ordonez
Scumbag of the Week: Lisa Snyder
Dude News:
- Jeff Bezos and Elon are the last Supervillians
- Allegra Chicken
- Tom Holland cries like a little baby
- Onioson abuse video comes out
Manalytics: Eat More Good
- India needs less rice
- Peanuts and eggs for babies
- Everyone is full of plastic
- Magic Weight Loss Juice
Smoke up nerds.
Featured Hunk: Angry Video Game Nerd reviews Spawn
Scumbag of the Week: Destiny comes out as a cuckold / Onision gets banned from Patreon
Shouts Out: Hasbro buys Entertainment One claiming control of
- Boston
- Peppa Pig
- Baha Men
- Death Row Records
Hell No’s:
- KPop Rapists
- Vic Mignona loses his case against Funimation
- Lowtax’s Wife ran off
Manalytics:
- Women more likely to survive stroke, have bad lives after
- Men are getting raped
- Smoke weed for headaches
A man is dead and we are all to blame. What killed him you ask? Hubris, along with 41 hardboiled eggs and the promise of an honest $22 in your pocket.
Featured Hunks: Subhash Yada dies eating eggs
Scumbag of the Week: Kodak Black is done / Kanye Joel Osteen Crossover
Shouts Out: Laser Pointers in Chile
Hell Nos:
- Washed Up World Tour
- Apple Launching New Shows
- Google Stadia
- Woman almost kills self with Ass Science
- GameFreak ruins the worlds most valuable IP
-
Disney+ launches for idiots
- The Mandalorian
Manalytics:
- Keto combats the flu
- Scientists beat Down Syndrome in animals
- OBJECTIVE REALITY DOESN’T EXIST
- Eligibility for weight-loss surgery gets easier
A school shooter is hugged out of his chance in the history books. A husband and wife in Louisiana decide to start making their own porn, with a twist! A man jerks off with his own shit. I CAN'T MAKE THIS UP PEOPLE. Slam this episode in your ears or risk being left out forever.
Featured Hunk: Keanon Lowe hugs it out
Scumbag of the Week:
- Dennis and Cynthia Perkins
- Zuckertroll
Shouts Out:
- Joker Breaks Records
Manalytics:
- Scientists propose that men are funnier than women
- America continues to be Hell for black people
- Google quantums upon us
- Crabs are smort
The Hunks meet this week to break down a god damn hero. Shinjiro Koizumi is over there in Japan trying to solve the birthing crisis and climate change in one fell swoop. Elsewhere, the Mexican government just lost a shootout and were forced to set El Chapo's son free from arrest. We then take you to North Korea, where each citizen has been asked to collect 220 lbs of shit a month for the bountiful harvest to come. Times are hard y'all.
Featured Hunk: Shinjiro Koizumi
Scumbag of the Week: Ovidio Guzman
Shouts Out:
- Liam Glinane and Raymond Wang
- Matty B
Manalytics:
- The shit quotas in North Korea are untenable
- Potatoes for stamina
- Blue light is bad as fuck
- Grapeseed extract unfucks fruit
All this and more than you deserve on this weeks episode!
You can find show clips at @DialHforHunks on Instagram or
peep the twitter for jokes @DialAHunk or
Email us hunky shit or corrections at dialhunks@gmail.com
Only we brave Eagles can protect you from the golden dragon to the East
Manalytics:
- Walk fast or die young
- Smoking even 5 cigarettes a day is retarded
- Orgasms make sex bad
- American vaping
It's the thick of Joker Appreciation Month and the boys haven't taken the time to show you how they got these scars
Hunks Yeahs: Musk buys BostonDynamics
Hunk Nos: Snorting PreWorkout
Manalytics:
- Apes possess theory of mind
- Anti-Feminists fake orgasms more
- ExoSkelebones are coming
- Some people seek anxiety
The boys are back to tell you what that flava do. Kenji tells us the worst story ever and we reminisce about dating scene girls.
Manalytics:
- A Monkey heart is a bad heart
- Bacteria that can ferment alcohol in your stomach
- Scientist attempt to deduce if Denisovan girl was hot or not
Todd Palin can't take it anymore! Pringles Boy goes blind for our sins. Umbridge is drawn with England and China and we are the only ones, THE ONLY DAMN ONES, who can make any sense of it all.
Manalytics:
- Vegans have strokes
- Tea is good for brain
- Kill for Fame
- Apply Fish to babies
All this and more than you deserve on this weeks episode!
You can find show clips at @DialHforHunks on Instagram or
peep the twitter for jokes @DialAHunk or
Email us hunky shit or corrections at dialhunks@gmail.com
It's Suicide Prevention Month and I would bet my favorite noose you haven't done a damn thing about it. It's high time you filled the bath with ice water, get out mommies razor, and cut into this episode. Our featured Hunk is Alec Holowka, a game developer behind 'Night in the Woods'. He killed himself in response to an impending internet lynch mob and as seasoned bully analysts the Hunks are here to come to terms with the harder questions like "Did we want this" and "Is Zoe Quinn the most successful bully?"
Manalytics:
- Hunks find Earth-like planet
- Chimps try to console mother chimp
- Astronauts mix cement in space
- Convictions make you less healthy
- Low confidence in math makes your life worse
- Kids that are single totally are fine so stop worrying about it
This week our Featured Hunk is Nick Rakieta or more affectionately "Nicky Rackets". In the course of him defending the voice of Broly, the legendary supersaiyan, from absolute legal ruination he uncovers a tape of the Z-fighters. The content of that tape is the subject of this episode. Tune in fuckers!
Manalytics:
- College kids keep getting depressed
- You can always get stronk
- Sex or die