Pure Boys: Recent Episodes
Pure Boys
Shows done! Maybe we'll do a wrap up episode. Maybe? Either way we're both burned out and think the show has run its course. Should have wrapped it up at 100 I guess
Say goodbye to that crazy old witch lady because her health is totally fricked! Luckily Heartland is available to take in Sugarfoot her mini horse! And wouldn't you know it... Lou chunks it again by falling in love with the horse despite it only being a temporary resident. Ya bLOU it!
If you love men talking about how much they love their wives and also talking to their wives who are off screen then you'll love THIS episode!
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We're BACK in the saddle again with another great Heartland episode! Milf Aunt and Grandpa Jack take things up a notch (no she doesn't give him road dome), Ty and Amy takes things up a notch (no she doesn't give him road dome they're teenagers for Christ's sake) and Heartland finally puts the STUD in Stud Farm because they've got a big ol horse that needs calming so he can get his nut. Also there's a man with a burn on his face!
Heartland ranch! Is this great or what? And it's all Super Bowl themed! That's right we've got a new 80 For Brady minute and of course Thank God I'm a Country Boy is back with another banger!
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YEEE HAW there's a roundup and you know what that means!?!?! Ty and Grandpa Jack are going to rustle up some cattle. But what's this?!?! The Trail Daddy is none other than Daddy himself!?!?!? OMG how will Grandpa Jack handle this? By being a little baby? CORRECT!
Also Heartland gets its best character with the introduction of the crazy old woman who gives Amy herbs to help a pregnant mare. Pregnant mare? More like pregnant merde amirite french speaking Canadians?
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It wouldn't be Heartland if there wasn't a horse in trouble. There's a new horse on the ranch and his name is YEEE HAW!
I can't believe Amy was surprised the horse responds to verbal commands. All horses for all of time respond to verbal commands Amy. Maybe whisper a little more to them horses and figure out a thing or two!
Yee haw let's play some puck
Big Sh*tty CARL joins Heartland for his one and only episode. Unless Lou is secretly pregnant later down the line but... nah?
No Daddy in this episode. What the hell?
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Bend at the break of day you sank into... a dream! Ty is still gone from Heartland Ranch and only Amy can convince him to come back! Also Lou gets it in her big dumb city head that they need a commercial to spice things up at the ranch. So what does she do? Hires a wedding photographer and then insults/undermines them the entire time resulting in an amateurish commercial that totally works!! Way to go Lou!
No Daddy in this episode. What the hell?
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Daddy done done it. And by done it we mean get addicted to pain pills and let his temper take over and THAT'S why Grandpa Jack doesn't want him around Heartland!! Well he didn't hit anyone so you can forgive WORDS. Words don't mean shit! Also that milfs nephew moves onto the farm and maybe that's the reason that Ty moves out?!?!?! OH NO!!!! Who will fall in love with Amy now?!?!?
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YEEEE HAW!!!! This episode features THREE horse stories! Amy is NOT a horse whisperer and neither was her dead mom so stop calling her that! Ty is a real sweetheart of the rodeo and definitely has a little crush on Amy. Also he LOVES a Dukati. Grandpa Jack is getting flirted with left right and centre. Lucky guy! Lou is just doing Lou stuff (like inviting Daddy to the open house). And Pegasus is finally eating again and has started mourning the loss of his owner. Phew! Thought he was going to be taking a one way trip to the glue factory!
Val gets absolutely dummied in this episode and it's so great to see. Get fricked Val you're NEVER banging Grandpa Jack! Also Stephen Amell is never coming back!
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Well you can't spell Blew It without Lew (Lou?). Way to send that horse back to its owner without making sure it's ready ya dingus! The ranch is already in financial trouble Lou we can't have you fricking things up. But she's new at it and is going to make mistakes so all is forgiven. Also Ty build Amy a jumping track so she can start training Spartan. What a nice guy. I mean... he's just doing it to get in her pants (she's 15 and he's also potentially a teen so calm down) but a kind gesture is still a kind gesture!
My god we're definitely going to have a horse jumping showdown between Amy and her rival Ashley before this season is done. Episode 12 I bet. Calling my shot now!
Grandpa Ketamine doesn't take any shit from anyone. Even from Val who wants to jump in his saddle if you catch my drift. But Val... if you want to bang Grandpa Jack so bad why are you out here spreading rumours that Heartland Ranch is garbage? That is some weird negging if you ask me. Definitely DLV (demonstrating lower value)
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COWGIRL SUMMER III IS HERE!!! YEEEEE HAW!
If you listened to the last episode you would have heard, right at the very end, that the Pure Boys are over that God shit. So over it. We were also tired of giving a platform to a hateful man like Kevin Sorbo and the folks that support him/the people he supports (this is not a political podcast). So it's time for a change. A fresh start. The first 100 episodes were great and now it's time to move on to Cowgirl Summer III: Heartland Season 01. That's right ya'll we're talking about the first season of the CBC classic Heartland. It doesn't get much cowgirlier than that. Unless we watched Reba. Damn maybe we should have watched Reba. Oh well we've already committed to Heartland so there's no going back.
Over the next 13 weeks we're all going to get to know and love folks like Amy, Lou, Grandpa Ketamine, the vet, Ty, Spartan the horse and of course... a dead mother. Cowgirl Summer Forever!!!!
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This is it! The finale of "May I Have This Dance" and maybe... Pure Boys?!?! That's right after 100 episodes we've decided to make some changes round here starting with episode 101. But don't worry about that for now. For NOW we've got to experience the majesty and splendour of a movie that's a real Step Up for the Step Up franchise!
What do you do when your loser dance crew The Mob (that's right they're back) bails on you? You put together a new crew featuring fan favorites from almost every Step Up movie and enter the reality TV competition The Vortex! Moose is loose! Camille is loose (not a euphemism)! The Robot Man is loose! The girl from the 2nd movie is loose! Gui DaSilva is loose?!?! And the rest
What a pleasure it was watching the Step Up movies. Adam was right... they're fun!
See ya'll for whatever comes next for Pure Boys
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Skip this one
Just when we thought the series couldn't Step Up anymore... its stopped Stepping Up. This movie is... dare i say it... a Step Down?!?!?!?! LESS MOOSE IS NOT GOOD MOOSE USE!!! There's more tWitch though so that's a Step Up. Miami is a nice location so I guess that's also a Step Up. The graffiti art is really creative so that's a gosh damn Step Up. I didn't know you can eat salsa so that's also a Step Up. Oh also there's people dancing on low riders and that's definitely a Step Up. I can't believe I'm saying this but... this movie might be a Step Up?! There's so much yucky yizz talk in this one
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MOOSE! The MOOSE is loose! Step Up 3D is a real Step Up for the Step Up franchise. In that it introduces the third dimension to the Step Up universe. It also might be the last good Step Up movie? Oh god I hope not but we'll see.
The story is even more irrelevant than the last movie. There's a school, sure. NYU! There's a crew, sure. Featuring tWitch! There's Channing Tateyums sister from the first movie, sure. She's in love with MOOSE! THERE'S MOOSE! But mostly what there is is a bunch of great dancing and fun creative dance sequences. and a little fella named MOOSE!
MOOSE!
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Shorty got them apple bottom jeans, boots with the jeans. She got the whole club looking at her jeans!
Step Up 2 is a real STEP UP from Step Up! We got Moose! We got a new cutie in the lead! We got Flo Rida's third best song (after "I can't believe it" and a spoiler for next week)! This movie is a delight. "May I Have This Dance" is going so well and I'm sorry these episodes aren't as funny as they usually are. We're just having fun watching movies we love and IS THAT A CRIME?!?!?!?! In Kevin Sorbo's America... maybe? It's not Christian fun so most definitely!
The clock is ticking on the "What's in the News" segment so enjoy it while you can!
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Welcome to "May" I Have This Dance!!! That's right Martin's, we're doing the first 5 Step Up movies for the month of May. YAAAAAA WAAAY!
Channing Tateyum, Alyson Stoner, others. This movie has such a stacked and racked cast (and we're not just talking about the school principal). We love dance movies and what better way to enjoy May than to watch the kings of dance movie cinema!
Channing Tateyum has to do community service at the Maryland School of the Arts and wouldn't you know it... he's a dancer too! Maybe he'll fall in love with a pretty ballerina? Maybe he'll befriend Mario? Maybe his friend Skinny will be shot and killed. That's Baltimore for ya!
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Hey Soul Surfer! Ain't that Murfer Murfer on the radio? God is a shark and God loves punishment. When Bethany Hamilton cancels her mission trip to Mexico (in order to train for the super important surfing comp coming up) God sends a tiger shark to bite her arm off to teach her a lesson. Then he has fishermen catch and kill that shark to teach IT a lesson. Then he causes a tsunami to destroy Phuket Thailand so that Bethany can have a mission to go on and learn ANOTHER lesson. That's soul surfing for ya! God's a real scamp for this one.
Kevin Sorbo, Dennis Quaid, Craig T Nelson, HUNT! What a staked and racked cast. K Sorbs has never looked younger or handsomer or less hateful. I miss this version of him. Also this movie is Christian as frick!
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When God gets bored he decides to spice things up by telling Steve Carrell that the world is ending and he needs to build an ark. Classic God! It was all a prank bro don't even worry about it! I'm not flooding the whole world bro I'm just going to destroy your neighbourhood and most of Washington. It's just a prank. I'm going to even send polar bears and crocodiles to the ark. But don't even worry about it I'm just pranking you Noah/Steve Carrell! And the biggest prank of all was played on Ed Helms who gets a glorified cameo with potential for his character to get a straight to streaming threequel that never happened because this movie was a box office bomb. Pranked ya Ed Helms!
This movie was such a breath of fresh ass after the torment of The Passion of the Christ. What a delight to watch Steve Carrell get doinked in the dinger and grow a beard really fast. So fast! Faster than you could even believe. And you're already a believer! Hey how crazy was it that a couple weeks ago the Dalai Lama kissed a young boy on the lips and then asked him to "suck his tongue"?!?! It's almost as if organized religion's of all kinds are just shelters for pedophiles. Cool stuff world!
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More like "whipped to the tits" amirite?!?!?! The OG (original men) Adam and Steve decided that the best way to celebrate Jesus's death was by smoking a lot of the devils lettuce and then talking about The Passion of the Christ aka the whippingest movie around!
When Jesus Christ ticks off the local priests (including Caiaphas!) it's up to Judas to betray him and set this whole thing in motion. Pontius Pilate doesn't wanna kill him. King Herod just wants to get sucked and martined. Peter just wants to deny all kinds of stuff. Jesus was 32 and Mary was 45 (because she was 13 when God busted in her). Those cross monkey's whipped the Sugar Honey Ice Tea out of Jesus I tell you what!
If you're looking for a movie that's fun, family friendly and, most importantly, not made by an antisemitic director... then The Passion of the Christ isn't for you!
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What do you get when you cross Jesus Christ, Mr Frisbee, Kesley Grammer, hippies and... what's this? Jesus Christ again? Ya get a Jesus Revolution capiche
The OG, original men, mix things up a bit this week and review TWO things! What a treat for everyone <3 How many segments will there be next week?
Kelsey is an absolute beauty in this movie and also is a man with real emotions that he is NOT afraid to share with the world. Can Ryan Seacrest make the same claims? Some say he can... not! Either way Kelsey Grammer is a man feeling the weight of mortality bearing down on him. TSASE What is a boy to do? MAKE MOVIES FOR GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Weird Al said it best when he said...
"As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning, I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, foolAnd I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight, we're gonna party like it's 1699We been spending most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
I churned butter once or twice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Livin' in an Amish paradiseA local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in Hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude?
You know that's unheard ofI never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impairedThere's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It's as primitive as can beWe been spending most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Livin' in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Livin' in an Amish paradiseHitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really righteous?
Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night, scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinieWe been spending most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Livin' in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Livin' in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Livin' in an Amish paradise"
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Bear witness to the SHOCKING CONCLUSION of "Can Christians Eat Pork?". The answer may shock you!
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Wow what an episode! David AR White's garbage streaming service kept crapping out for Adam Creep so he only watched 30 minutes of this movie. How will we stretch this out to a full episode?!?! Maybe by adding a new segment? Maybe by adding to the legend of Adam farting in vacuums? Steve Creep is the allstar of this episode since he watched the entire movie.
Honestly Adam is so bummed he didn't watch the movie because from the sounds of it, it's buck wild. Oh well there's always next week! Hey don't forget to set your clocks ahead
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Finally a movie that teaches us how to find TRUE LOVE in this modern age of 2014!
Step 1: Lie about yourself on Christian Mingle
Step 2: Meet a good Christian boy and beg him to kiss you on the first date
Step 3: After 1-3 dates, fly to Mexico to help his family hang a bell in a church that was destroyed... also your lies are discovered and you get dumped
Step 4: Decide to completely overhaul your life for this guy and start going to church and reading the Bible. Do this for about a week
Step 5: Reunite with the guy (who has moved on), trash talk his new girlfriend and humble brag about what a good Christian you are (for the past week)
Step 6: Get denied (what are you, dating the apostle Peter?)
Step 7: Go crazy and talk to God in the middle of the street or by yelling out your window
Step 8: Quit your job, move to the Mexican village the guys family volunteers in all the time and get to know his parents/make his family love you
Step 9: Keep wearing your Commifornia clothing including wedges. Really rub it in the poor Mexicans faces that you have money
Step 10: For no reason the guy will decide to take you back
Success!
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HOMOSEXUAL GARBAGE (there's context for this)
Kevin James is at the end of his hose. He saves lives as a firefighter but can't get his children on his insurance! That's when he gets the bright idea to marry his best friend Adam Sandler and commit fraud against the state of New York. Truly a fart warming story for the ages.
This episode has it all... the best porn star name ever created, some choice quotes that without context make us sound like truly awful people, promotion of Tila Tequila aka Queen Esther (after we recorded this episode I found out she's a Nazi now or something so whoops!) and plenty of talk about that hero mayor Rudy Giuliani. We support all stars and stripes on this show!
Firefighters are heroes!
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"Hero Month" marches on with this 1991 Ron Howard (remember Happy Days?) classic!
Christmas Switched's William Baldwin is at the end of his hose. He saves lives as a firefighter but can't save some sleazy businessmen from getting what's coming to them. Maybe they shouldn't be shutting down fire stations and causing firefighters to have NO BACKUP?!?! Whomst could be lighting these fires? Maybe it's Kurt Russell?!? Maybe it's Donald Sutherland?!?! Maybe it's Dead David Crosby?!?! Whoever it is... they'll need to be dealt with the way firefighters have been solving problems for years... by killing them in a fire!
Firefighters are heroes!
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Fireproof our podcast please. Fireproof ALL podcasts PLEASE. We love you please. It's our 2 year anniversary and so of course we have to celebrate it with Stephen and Alex Kendrick by watching 2008's Fireproof!!!
Kirk Cameron is at the end of his hose. He saves lives as a firefighter but can't save his marriage from his porn and boat addiction! Will his wife cheat on him with a bozo doctor? Will the other firefighters respect him for screaming at his wife in the kitchen? Will someone please fireproof their marriage?!?!
We absolutely love the Kendrick Bros and their films. Easily the best Christian film makers around (shots fired David A.R. White). Please cast us as podcasters in your next movie about podcasters finding God and love please!
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If you haven't seen Clerks III yet skip this episode! Then watch Clerks III and come back and enjoy this episode! It's packed to the gills with Clerks III spoilers. But don't worry, I censored them so the only person they're actually spoiled for is Steve Creep (who is pretty bummed about it)
I can't believe I put all of that at the start of the description when this movie features KEVIN SORBO AND DEAN CAIN!!!!! It's another in a long line of Christian movies where some guy loses his family but then a new sexier woman enters his life, he immediately moves on from his dumpy old wife and also he gets guilted into going to church again. It really has it all and is a wet dream come true!
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First we had to solve a "code", then we wrestled with our angels and demons, now we've gone to Hell because this is an Inferno! Bobby Lang is back and E Nigma-ing all over the place. Honesty... we have no idea what this movie is about... and we watched it! If you can explain what happened in Inferno please write to us at pureboyspod@gmail.com or head to speakpipe.com/pureboys and leave us a voice mail about it. Good luck! That's YOUR cryptex.
Having now seen the entire Robert Langdon Trilogy I can honestly say... I've seent them. They're fine. Actually this one is pretty boring. As was the first one. There's no Paul Bettany buttocks or Tom Hanks in a Speedo so who cares amirite?
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Robert Langdon is back and in a Speedo! This time he's called into the Vatican to solve a mystery and save the lives of Cardinals and perhaps everyone?!?! Does he succeed? Not really!
Hey here's something fun... we accidentally commit a hate crime in this episode! Lock us up! Lock us up!
Also all the clues are just statues pointing. Literally all of them. People consider Danny Brown a good writer huh? See you next week for Robert Langdon Goes to Hell: The FInal Friday!
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"What's another name for a mystery? Enigma! Mr E. Nigma. Edward Nigma". Just replace any of those words with Jesus, Mary Magdalenes p*ssy or cryptex and you've got 2006's The Da Vinci Code! Why is it even named that?
Join Tom Hanks on a rollicking globe trotting adventure as he tries to solve a Mr E! Who is Jesus's great great great great great grandchild? I bet it's the lady who just happens to be rolled up into this nonsense. Jesus rules, the Devil drools (and so do we in regards to Paul Bettany's tight little butt!)
See you next week for Angles and Lemons!
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Lucas Black Tokyo Drifts his way into our farts with this absolute gem of a movie. Directed by Dr Aaron Burns?!?!?!
Will Lucas Black save his girlfriends kids after he crashes their airplane into a mountain? Will he get engaged to their mom? Will he then get frickin LAID? The answers and more in this episode!
We even teach you something really cool our youth pastor showed us in terms of getting found when you're lost in the woods!
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Some people say that some things are impossible... but what if I told you that Nothing Is Impossible is the movie we're watching this week!?!?!
David A.R. White makes his dream movie because it's all about a 39 year old (52) janitor gets his shot at joining an NBA team! Not as a janitor? As a real player! Sound far fetched? YEP! But Tommy Blaze wrote the script so you know it's good
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Baldwin is trying to destroy an Alaskan towns nativity scene! He doesn't appreciate the FACT that God knocked up a 13 year old girl.
This movie had the alternate title of "Persecution Fetish: A Strawman Fable". It's great! Did you know that there's a war on Christmas? Don't these heathens know there's only 1 holiday in December that makes me want to shout from the rooftops and that's Christmas! It's so unfair that we have to say "Happy Holidays". Don't they know it's Christmas time (for me) and therefore it's Christmas time for everyone?!?! Don't like it? Get out!
We love you Brad Stine! Please never contact the show.
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Christmas Chizz rolls on with, what is basically, another body swap movie?!?!?!
Some 30 year old high school student absentmindedly wishes her parents weren't religious. For literally no reason this wish comes true and her parents become real pieces of crap. Yet another gentle reminder that if you're not religious you're a horrible person who is incapable of being nice or generous or kind or empathetic or anything good. Merry Christmas Chizz to all and to all a good chizz!
David A.R. White or Tyler Perry hit us up anytime for that sponsorship. We love you!
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All our links: https://linktr.ee/pureboys
Body swap movies are back on the menu!
Merry Christmas Cross Trade! William Baldwin and his 11 year old son switch bodies and Denise Richards almost becomes a "goof". You seen one body swap movie you seen them all. Except this one has Tom Arnold so you know it's good! Feels so good to be back and talking about Christmas movies again. FEELS GOOD TO BE HOME BABY!!!
David A.R. White or Tyler Perry hit us up anytime for that sponsorship. We love you!
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All our links: https://linktr.ee/pureboys
Chizz in your pants the Pure Boys are back!!! Merry Christmas Cross to you and yours this CHRISTMAS season (none of that Holiday s*it)
Madea heads to the south to celebrate Christmas with characters we've never seen or heard of before (who weren't invited to the family reunion apparently). She meets some interesting characters and is completely uninvolved with the plot to save the towns Christmas Jubilee! She also wants to have sex with the greatest guest star the Madeaverse has ever known!! Who is it? You'll have to tune in to find out!
Feels so good to be back! David A.R. White or Tyler Perry hit us up anytime for that sponsorship. We love you!
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All our links: https://linktr.ee/pureboys
The boys are back in town for 1 night only! We're back (a dinosaur story) to talk about Boo 2! A Madea Halloween! The show is coming back full time in December though so this is just an appetizer to keep you going. Like free breadsticks!
Madea is back and Joe is better than ever! Honestly this is the worst Madea movie we've watched but even a bad Madea movie is better than a good Christian movie so it all balances out.
I don't remember what else I write here other than David A.R. White hit us up anytime for that sponsorship and we'll talk Madea movies on YOUR dime.
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What a wild ride JV Summer: Wine Not has been! Unfortunately due to cirCUMstances we have to pause Pure Boys until October. That means this absolutely awfully great movie is the Grand Salami of Jon Voight Summer: Wine Not.
Honestly what is there to say about this movie other than Stuart Paul (who is I guess related to Jon Voight) wrote, directed and starred in this movie so he could make out with a naked woman in a waterfall. Seriously that scene happens for no reason and it's so uncomfortable and Hollyweird is a gross place where creeps "pray" on doe eyed starlets trying to make it in the business (show business that is). Yuck. We loved this movie!
Pureflix don't even sweat this break we're taking or the fact that we're canceling our Pureflix subscription for 3 months. We'll be back (terminator) and if you'd just hit us up for that sponsorship/part in Beckman II: Get Becked a little earlier we wouldn't have to take this break. But we love you anyway and when you change your mind hit us up at pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter.
We love you turkeys and we'll see you in October! God bless
Jon Voight, Squirt Reynolds (star of Hitting the Breaks), Ned Beatty and the villain from Robocop go on a lovely canoe trip down da riva and nothing unpleasant happens at all.
PSYCH there's so much unpleasantness! Welcome to Jon Voight Summer: Wine Not!
What a wild ride (much like the canoe trip) this episode is. So much talk about JV, SR, BME PO and so much more! I'd like to make a correction in the notes here. In this episode Adam says that "Shaq Diesel is a great song" and what he meant to say was "Shaq Diesel is a great album and the song Shaq Fu: Stand and Deliver is a great song". Seriously Shaq's got buns hun!
Pureflix hit us up anytime for that sponsorship so we can produce the JV content you love and crave. pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter. David A.R. White specifically if you'd like to leave us a voicemail to play on the show head on over to speakpipe.com/pureboys and record a tasty treat for us much like Judas aka Chuggs Cockley did this week.
We love you!
My penis don't want none unless you got BUNS HUN!
When Jon Voight lazily kidnaps a group of documentarians trying to ruin some secret tribes existence... it's up to J Lo and Ice Cub to stop him (oh and also Eric Stolz but he's in a coma for 85% of this movie). JV gives the performance of a lifetime as a man obsessed with the Nikki Mijanj song "Anaconda" which if you seen the video... who isn't!?!?! There are so many good accents in this episode in honour of JV's performance. You'll love it (or maybe you won't. What am I your dancing monkey?)
Both Adam and Steve had never seen this movie before going into this and they gotta say... Anaconda sucks!
So shed the skin off your dinger, squeeze your loved ones so tight they choke and swallow Owen Wilson whole because this one's a wild ride.
Pureflix hit us up after Jon Voight Summer and we'll do all kinds of things for you... and to you ;)
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Also head over to speakpipe.com/pureboys to leave us a voicemail. Come on we need content!
We love you!
The best part about being a teen girl, is getting to have a Jon Voight Summer!
Yaaaaaaah Weh! Jon Voight summer rolls on with a return to the J Off Family Ranch. Wouldn't you know it... Lenny is being a huge pain the a$$ again as she's STILL searching for her faja despite everyone in her life telling her to leave it alone. Doesn't matter though because Sheriff Nip/Tuck is here to ask for Mother Focker's hand in marriage. Will she say yes? Will Caleb Tap come back from the dead? Will him being shot by James Caan even be mentioned in this movie? Is there an ORPHAN HORSE in this movie?!?! The answer to all of these questions will be revealed in this episode.
Jon Voight Summer has been a real blasty blast (to quote Dane Cook) and we can't wait for 10 more week of it!
Pureflix hit us up and we'll make a Jon Voight Video Tweet Aftershow for you! pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter
Head over to speakpipe.com/pureboys to leave us a voicemail. Or don't? It literally doesn't matter but those 2 voicemails were pretty fun!
Jon Voight is back and his limp is barely bugging him!
When James Caan tries to steal a parcel of his land it's up to JV and his family to stop him. But also they owe money to the bank. But also his son has a gambling addiction and owes money to some shady fellers. But also his grand daughter wants to know who her father is. But also the government is lying to them. But also there are wolves on their property that JV is not allowed to kill. But also his ex is hanging around doing some nefarious nonsense. And the rest! This movie is rated G for everyone.
Pureflix hit us up anytime for that sponsorship! We love you and can't wait to get shot in Beckman 2 (Beck2Man) pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter.
Head over to speakpipe.com/pureboys to leave us a voicemail that we'll play on the show. Unless it's about an illegitimate kid... keep that to yourself honey.
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Cowgirl Summer is back with COWGIRL SUMMER II: WINE NOT
That's right! We're drinking wine and watching cowgirl movies all summer long. The pink cowboy hats are back. Cowgirl by choice... gotta ride. Life could be a dream and we're starting things off right with 2018's Orphan Horse starring Jon Voight.
Just try saying Orphan Horse out loud and you'll see why it's a delight for your mouth. This movie is filled with great one liners and orphans and horses and honestly who could ask for more to start off a cowgirl summer? Certainly not us and we're half cut (from booze... not on our penis's). Also this is episode 69 and we didn't even mention it AT ALL. Maybe we're just too mature for those kinds of jokes. Maybe we forgot. Maybe f*ck you.
Pureflix welcome back to the show! We can't wait to get started on Beckman 2: Wine Not with you. Hit us up at pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on twitter but we're rarely on there anymore because Twitter is a hellscape.
Also send us voicemails at www.speakpipe.com/pureboys and we'll play them raw on the show
We love you and welcome back to summer!!!
May I Take My Clothes Off comes (eh eh) to it's SHOCKING conclusion with the grand daddy of all male stripper movies... The Full Monty. Did you know that the full monty refers to a stripper getting their dinger out? I guess women strippers are just expected to go the full monty because otherwise they're just go go dancers and who cares!
When the steel plant closes in the town of Sheffield, a bunch of dumpy unemployed losers get jealous of some twink Chip n Dales dancers and decide that THEY should do a strip show. Then on a whim from Robert Carlyle to impress some 3/10 ladies they now have to show their dingers at the end. He kind of strong arms them into it and honestly it's not a cool move Robbie C.
Everyone in this movie is a dumpy loser, all British people are ugly (that's true) but this movie is great! The final strip scene is a real treat and I won't spoil here if you see any dingers or not (although I will say that Robbie C's 11 year old son in this movie definitely does so there's that)
Pureflix you can start listening next week because we'll be done talking about male strippers then! Hit us up so we can get shot in Beckman 2! pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter. Also head to www.speakpipe.com/pureboys and leave us a voice mail to play on the show. It better be good!
We love you!
Leave your inhibitions at the door, the show is about to begin!
Since we've been talking about hunky male strippers all month it only seemed appropriate to talk about the most inappropriate female stripper movie of all time! Join Adam, Steve and special guest Abe-O (who went as Abraham Omaha the last time he was on the show) as we talk all about our favourite movie of all time... Showgirls!!!
Pureflix definitely skip this one, we get a little drunk and the language gets a little randy baby yeah. It's just locker room talk and guys being dudes so it's all good. But how can we not get randy when we're talking about people getting fricked in waterfalls and Glen Plummer?!?!?!
Turns out "Pop Goes the Zipper" is a frickin PRINCE song. I guess they weren't all homeruns eh Prince?
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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT We hate doing Mid Week Freak Treats because the shows are so terrible so we're taking a break from them for the summer. Does that mean no episode this Thursday?!?! Hell no we've got something extra special lined up for this Thursday don't you worry!
The Chocolate City boys are at it again! This time they're blatantly ripping off Magic Mike XXL despite dogging on the franchise last week. Hmm turns out it's kind of "hard" to create an original movie about male stripping eh Jean-Claude La Marre!
Editors Note I just looked up Jean-Claude La Marre and turns out he's Haitian so I guess we shouldn't be dogging on him either.
With a half a milli on the line, the boys head to Vegas to win some kind of male stripper competition in a hotel convention hall. Mekhi Pfifer is sponsoring the event. What a mensch! Will they save Chocolate City from foreclosure? Will Spawn's dad make it through his mysterious illness that is tying up all his money? Will Adam and Steve come up with a better strip team name than "Uncut Gents"? Tune in to find out!
Oh also we reveal what the final lines of the Bible are and you won't believe it!
Pureflix hit us up anytime so we can make Chocolate City 4: Relorded for you! We love you! pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter
Yin yin yin yin yin the boys are back in town. Except it's none of the same boys. Simon is GONE. Jacob is IN. Nobody cares.
Grab your hog and hold on cause you're in for the ride of your life baby. This episode is kind of a meanderer but we do discover some shocking secrets about Mr Bean so make sure to stay tuned for that nonsense. Check out our youtube page for all kinds of stupid videos and chunnel related content.
Pureflix hit us up and we'll write you the pilot for Sons of Thunder: Relorded. It's sure to be a hit! pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter
We love you!
Once you're done with a road trip to Myrtle Beach you gotta make a stop in... Chocolate City!!!
This movie is just 90 minutes of stripping which honestly gets a little tired. But are the strippers great? Of course they are! Is Spawn the Dallas of these strippers? Of course he is! Is Bolo the hottest hunk with the biggest hog? OF COURSE HE IS!!!!
We lose our G-D minds in this episode. Kevin Sorbo's TotW is just too much! The man is a menace but we love him, we love Amber Heard, we love Jada Pinkett Smith, we love all of God's stupid asshole children.
Pureflix once we're done May I Take My Clothes Off hit us up for that sponsorship! We love YOU!
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Skeet!
yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yiny iny iyn yin yin yin yiny in yin yin yin yiny iny iny iny iny inyi yin yij yiny yiny in yiny iny iny iny iyn yin yin yiny iny iny iny iyn iyn yin yin yin yin yij yinyn iny iyn iyn iyn iyn yin yiny iny iyn yin yin yin yin yin yiny iny iny iny iynyin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yiny iyn yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yiny iny iny iny y. iny iy. niy. iyn yin. yin yin yin yin YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN
pureflix hit us up anytime for that Sons of Thunder Season 3 post episode wrap up show! We love you!
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GLUE here comes the GLUE ready or not (haha) how you like me now?
Magic Mike is back and XXL as ever. A road trip to Myrtle Beach is all it takes to get Mike out of retirement and back on that stage. Luckily he's been keeping himself cut as frick while making furniture. All the boys are back (except Dallas and the Kid) and better than ever. Remember how we wished to get to know the rest of the male entertainers more in the last movie? Our prayers have been answered!
Pureflix hit us up and we'll write the Christian Male Stripper movie you've always dreamed of producing! pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter
We love you!
What do the Chinese, stolen valour, Elton John, Yoda and horses have in common? They're all mentioned in this top shelf episode of Mid Week Freak Treat!
What's this episode of Sons of Thunder about? Who cares! It's a part 1 of a 2 parter of what will surely be the series finale of this show. Will BDB get... his... uh... motorcycle on the road? What's the show even been about the entire time? He acts like his old crew is after him or something but... all accounts say they're not.
Anyway BDB joins a fight club
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What better way to follow up a children's movie (Angels in the Outfield) than with Magic Mike, the start of "MAY I Take My Clothes Off"!
This month we're watching a whole bunch of male stripper movies. All your favourites are going to be there and maybe some surprises!?!?! Make sure your wife is asleep because God forbid she catches you watching these.
"Magic" Mike is a b*llshit 30 year old stripper from Tampa. His life is awesome! He's banging Olivia Munn, he takes his clothes off (with consent) for a screaming crowd of drunk women, he's best friends with Mud's Matthew McConaughey and Joe Manganiello. But when he meets "The Kid" everything changes and NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME AGAIN!
The only "Magic" in this movie is what that penis pump does for Joe M.
Pureflix we love you but just skip this month and it's not going to be palatable for your pure ears. Don't forget us and come back next month. We love you!
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Feels like the very first time!
Grab your chunnel and milk it dry, Big Dumb Bunny is at it again!
This week he's ignoring God's help and helping a sea captain make some scratch thanks to the pregnant milf from Marriage Retreat and her limp wristed libtard cuck husband. Things ago afoul when they happen upon 2 fellas trying to run drugs. Will BDB save the day? Will the cuck's wife respect him? The answer to both... is NO!
Great stuff as always David A.R. White (producer of Sons of Thunder). We love you and can't wait to work with you in the future on a sexual wellness show for Pureflix.
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Bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, full count, a romance in the outfield? We couldn't do a month of baseball movies and NOT end with the holiest of holy.
Angels in the Outfield is the story of a bad dad, a prayer to a God (male or female), Angels interfering with sports and the absolute worst season of baseball imaginable if you weren't a California Angels fan. Joseph Gorodon Leviitate stars as JGL, a little boy with big dreams. Dreams of being adopted by 69 year old Danny Glover! Who wouldn't be thrilled to inherit his millions?!?!?
Spring Training has been a true Spring blast and we just wanna thank all the umps out there for doing a great job. May you rest in peace
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Big Dumb Bunny tm is back at it again! This time he gets a widdle bonk on the noggin in small town America, gets his hog stolen and has to win a friggin poker game against a corrupt town official to get it back! God's plan
If you love Casino Royale as much as Adam does (while also acknowledging that James Bond is a garbage trash franchise) you'll love this episode!
Pureflix hit us up anytime for that sponsorship! We can't wait to cameo in Beckman 2
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We love you!
What's this? A movie about WOMEN'S baseball?!?!?! That's right, while the men were off fighting literal Nazi's in WWII and saving the world, they let women play baseball. What if they had their periods and got blood on the bases?!?! No one seemed to care.
Luckily Mensa's Geena Davis was there to do the splits and hit dingers and make people care about women's baseball. They even had their own "World Series" how cute.
Jon Lovitz is in this movie and he is the highlight for sure. "If I had your job i'd kill myself" I say to myself every day in the mirror. Lots of piss talk in this movie for some reason which translates to lots of piss talk on our end as well.
Pureflix hit us up anytime for that sponsorship and we'll talk piss on YOUR dime!
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We love you!
Adam is hopped up on goofballs thanks to his dentist so this is a wild ride. Almost as wild as riding your hog at 75 mph on a dirt road full of deer.
Big Dumb Bunny is back at it again, helping people like a 2 pump chump. Only this week he's helping some lady deal with poachers on her land. There's even some gun play in this episode so it's automatically better than last week's snooze fest. If you want to keep the people watching you gotta include violence! Just make sure no one has or talks about sex and we're all good.
Pureflix hit us up anytime for that sponsorship or to let us know our shooting schedule for Beckman 2: More Man for your Beck
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We love you!
Here's a riddle for you. What has 2 strikes and 3 balls? A FULL COUNT!
Week 2 of Spring Training is a grand slam! This movie is buck wild and truly embraces the potential of a "Christian" movie. God F's around with a family for literally no reason and then just sends an ANGEL to sort it all out since they're totally fricked. God is a cool dude with a huge dinger. Baseball is sort of in this movie, despite what the posters and write up for the movie would have you believe. Mostly it's about farming and suffering. Classic God stuff!
Pureflix hit us up anytime for that sponsorship. We know it's spelt Pure Flix but we're too deep in at this point and don't want to change. Also we want to be killed in Beckman 2 so let's MAKE! THAT! HAPPEN!
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We love you! Play ball!
Motorcycle lovers you've been put on notice! This week we really dig into the world of motorcycle culture and what a brat pack it is. We also talk about priests and how weird it must be listening to confessions from teenage boys. Don Swayze plays the leader of Big Dumb Bunnies old motorcycle gang and we are all in for that!
Toyota Tacoma, Coca Cola Classic. These are just some of the brands we mention!
Pureflix and Toyota hit us up anytime for that sponsorship! We love you!
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Play ball! It's April and that can only mean one thing... baseball is back and Spring Training is on!
We're watching only the holiest of baseball movies for the entire month of April so grab your jock strap, pack some chaw in your upper/lower lip and inject steroids right into your forearms, it's going to be a home run of a month!
Blah blah blah movie stuff. Everyone in this movie is a terrible person and it's honestly more about softball than it is about baseball so who even cares?!?! We loved it!!
Pureflix and the MLB hit us up anytime for that sponsorship! We love you!
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Vroom Vroom that's the sounds of Sons of Thunder!
Big dumb bunny from Hittin the Breaks stars in this Pureflix Classic. When the cartel (or maybe the Mexican police) chase a latinx woman over the border, it's up to big dumb bunny to help her out. Partnering with a probably racist Texas rancher and his son, Big Dumb Bunny gets what's coming to him and I guess saves the day somehow! What a guy.
Pureflix this might be the best show you've produced. Until WE make a show with you that is. Hit us up pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter
We love you!
More like Pen15Dragon amirite?
Dr Chad Burns and Aaron Burns present: a rare movie experience. A movie that starts with a tempering of expectations by Dr Chad Burns and Aaron Burns. I've never seen that before ever. Not even the Zacky Snydy cut of Justice League had that.
If you loved Beyond the Behind the Mask... you probably are related to Dr Chad Burns and Aaron Burns and therefore you'll love this movie too. You're so lucky.
When the Pendragon is slain (not a real dragon and is slain by being axed in the back by a coward Saxon) his son is taken into slavery. Some other stuff happens and then HE'S the Pendragon. Honestly I looked away for like a minute in the middle of this movie and when I came back, everything had changed and I did not know what was going on. Top 10 movie
Pureflix hit us up for that sponsorship whenever! We love you!
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Wake up, Listen up and Whoooooa! It's the SERIES finale of The Beverlys. They were 3 girls from 2 different worlds and the all collided. Felt so alone, all hope was gone then God provided. Yeah Mr Tommy Blaze took them in, ..... truly begin, having the time of their lives and we're all invited.
Not your strongest outing Pureflix but Raya Sunshine is a star and should be treated as Pureflix royalty! Martin rules!
See you'll cowards next week for Suns of Thunder
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Yeesh this movie. You can actually hear Adam run out of fricks as this episode goes on.
What happens to a community when a prominent couple gets murdered in their own home? They all get mass hysteria and act like jackasses (it's in the bible don't sweat it).
Pureflix you should take this on off your service. It sucks
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We love you! Except Shawn Justice who made this movie... you we're not sure about
Penultimate episode of The Beverlys! More like Pen15ultimate amirite?
Tommy Blaze is barely in this episode. But on the plus side we get a lot more Jamie and MARTIN! Martin aka Rascal is a real treat. We love him!
Also we talk a lot about periods so strap in for that!
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Buenos Aries! Welcome to the final chapter in our "Food and Fricking Trilogy"
Julie & Julia is the beautiful story of Julia Child and her husband Paul's time in France in 1949, the love they share and the culinary journey she embarks on. Also there's some stuff happening around 9/11 above a pizza place but who cares
The Tucc is loose in this one ladies and germs
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We love you!
Bone app the teeth
(Get down!) Pepperonis and Salamis!
(Get down!)You are now listening to
(Get down!) the Real
(Get down!) And that would be
(Get down!) Martin... The Beverlys
(Get down!) and the new label
(Get down!) PUUUUUUREFLIIIIX
Top down, chrome spinnin
You see the boss grinnin
I'm lovin these damn women!
God bless Pharrell, God bless ALL members of Clipse, We love you
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Salame ai peperoni
Che bella puntata abbiamo in serbo per voi oggi! Questa settimana saliamo su un aereo e passiamo un po' di tempo a sfogliare i nostri fagioli "Under the Tuscan Sun". Unisciti a Dianne Lane mentre parte per un viaggio di 40 anni in giro per l'Italia! Monte Bene! Bellisimo!
Hai dato vita ai miei sogni!
Dio benedica il nostro podcast. Dio benedica tutti i podcast. Ti vogliamo bene
Pureflix ci contatta in qualsiasi momento per quella sponsorizzazione pureboyspod@gmail.com o @pureboyspodcast su Twitter.
Ti vogliamo bene! Ciao fudgepackers
Mama Mia (thats Pepperoni Salami for Mama Mia) it's ANOTHER episode of The Beverlys. Since Tommy Blaze follows us on Twitter now and is our best friend we were very nice to him this episode. Can YOU say the same thing? When the final trumpet is blown and Mt Vesuvius explodes can you go to Heaven with a clear conscience? I doubt it!
Adam mistakenly refers to this episode as episode 4. He deeply regrets his mistake and will give himself 40 lashes as punishment. Does that get your d*ck hard?
Pureflix/Tommy Blaze hit us up anytime for that sponsorship! pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter but Tommy already knows that
We love you!
March the first be with you. And also with you!
Farm to fork to mouth to butt to toilet to love is the focus of THIS week's Pure Boys!
When Sous Chef Alice gets the opportunity to judge a cooking competition in beautiful Kansas City, her whole life changes! Say goodbye to steak and potatoes and hello to beautiful french cuisine. The real star of this movie though is Chef Raphael. A hunky frenchman who doesn't really interact with Alice at all and has his own thing going on. What a guy! As Steven Page once said "Choppity Chiner the chopped up chicken. You have a drumstick and some other stuff happens"
Pureflix hit us up anytime for that sponsorship! You know we're good for it and we love you. pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter
We love you!
What a week for the Beverlys! First Tommy Beverly dies... his hair! Then the girls get homeschooled and play pranks on their teacher Jamie. THEN Martin gets a Ferrari! Wow will wonders never cease?
If Eric Clapton dies next week we were not involved (this note is just for the police). We love him!
Pureflix/Tommy Blaze hit us up anytime for that sponsorship/writing team up. pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter!
editors note We were discussing things after the show and looking at what was available on godaddy and decided to go with ericclaptonsgaypoolparty.com so head over there and get your money down for the deathpool!
Eat FRESH! What a way to kick off Year 2 AD than with a brand new Pureflix classic.
David A.R. White plays Malibu Dan, a former Chicago PIG (respect the thin blue line or die mother F-er) who lives in Malta (where they filmed this dang movie!) doing boat tours and running from his past. Luckily a very drunk Steven Bauer is hanging around waiting to ruin Dan's life. Throw in the very handsome Jeff Fahey and JON LOVITZ!!!! and you've got yourself a good time! Is Jon Lovitz funny or entertaining in this movie at all? I'll leave that up to YOU!
Hey if there are any Christian Ska bands out there who want to make a new theme song for us send that thing to pureboyspod@gmail.com or tweet us @pureboyspodcast on Twitter. We love you and we love SKA! Sell out!
Hey if there are any Pepperoni Salamis out there who want to send us 2 Cornicellos hit us up at pureboyspod@gmail.com or tweet us @pureboyspodcast on Twitter. We love you and we love the beautiful nation of ITALY!
Shouldn't it be "The Beverlys Run Away" not Runaway. Runaway is what you would call someone who ran away. Not the act of running away. Am I wrong here? Would you know my name if I saw you in Heaven? Are there pubes in heaven?
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🤱Hard to believe that Valentine's Day 2021 was already a year ago. What a ride it's been! We've learned so much about movies, purity, cowgirls, Madea and of course The Lord. So what better way to celebrate that than by going back to the boys that started this whole thing... The Kendrick Bros.
We dive deep into the world of their 2011 masterpiece "Courageous". A story about the thin blue line and how God is the only thing keeping these cops in check. Maybe if there were more cops who followed God's teachings, there would be less black youths m🤱rdered by them! This is not a political podcast. ACAB. Support the boys in blue! Defund the police! Thank you for your service!
For real though this last year has been great and thank you to all the listeners for your support and your service. We love doing this show and hearing how much you enjoy it really tickles our pickles.
2022 Here Comes the Glue!
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We love you!🤱
Back pain! Sailors! HIYABUSA! This episode has it all!
Thomas tasks the children to write a hit song in less than 24 hours or else everyone is going to be homeless. No pressure. Do the girls succeed? We don't really get an answer. The song they perform is fine but it's no "Where have all the cowboys gone" by Paula Cole.
Tommy Blaze hit us up at anytime for that sponsorship! We want to join your writing staff. We're great at punch ups (as long as punch ups means adding swears to your scripts)
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Season Finale? We've got a lot of notes for this one so strap the F in. 🤱
First off, a big veiny Thank You to all you fudgepackers out there who've listened to the show and told your friends and left reviews and all that stuff. We love you and your support means the world to us! Sincerely!
Secondly, the keyboardist/singer for Long Live Logos is in PRISON for drunkenly driving and causing a car accident that cost a woman her left arm. So it's safe to say that "Hey Jesus" is now our official ending theme song since that band is dead dead dead. He gets out in 2 years but I don't think we'll be hearing from him. He's fallen in love with a big guy named Beef
Thirdly, here is a recipe for how to make Bone Broth from minimalistbaker.com
- To a large pot or Dutch oven, add the bones leftover from a whole roasted chicken (including legs and wings that may have been on the serving platter), or the bones from 1 chicken purchased from a butcher. (Note: This can also be done in a Crock-Pot or Instant Pot.)
- We also like adding the lemon wedges and rosemary that were cooked with our whole roasted chicken (optional).
- Top with filtered water until generously covered (about 12 cups / 2880 ml). This should reduce down by about 1/3 or 1/2, leaving you with 6-8 cups of bone broth.
- Next, add in a bit of salt and pepper to season the broth (you can add more later to taste).
- Then add apple cider vinegar, which is added primarily because the acidity breaks down the collagen and makes it more abundant in the broth. You can also sub lemon juice, but we prefer apple cider vinegar.
- Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and cover. Cook for at least 10-12 hours, or until reduced by 1/3 to 1/2. The more it reduces, the more intense the flavor will become and the more collagen will be extracted. We find 12 hours to be about right.
- Strain and discard the bones. Either use immediately or store in glass jars and freeze up to 1-2 months or more. Just be sure to leave a couple inches at the top of the jar to allow for expansion in the freezer.
This is the 100th episode of the show we've uploaded (including specials and MWFT) so that's kind of nice little thing!
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See you next week!
Thomas Blaze stars in this Pureflix original series!
When record producer Tommy Beverly needs some positive publicity he offers to look after 3 orphans for a couple days while they find new homes. Little does he expect that these young unwanted kids will worm their way into his heart... or that they'd turn out to be a super talented krumping trio ripe for exploitation! That's how they became "The Beverlys"!
Pureflix hit us up ANYTIME for that sponsorship. We can't wait to host "The Beverlys Aftershow". pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter. We love you!
What's this? ANOTHER David A.R. White/Tommy Blaze aka the Blaze Man aka Mustard Man collab?!?! What's this one about? Well to put it simply... women need to serve men. THE END
This movie has it all. An all star line up of Pureflix talent, camp, a great message that all broads should heed. I don't want to spoil too much as this is a great episode that you should just experience for yourself.
Pureflix go back to making movies like this! Beckman was great but get back to the comedys!
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We made it to the top of pillow mountain! Don't let the theme song fool you, there's only 2 beeps the whole episode! If you can guess what Steve was drinking we'll give you a years supply of episodes to listen to! And for the love of GOD don't say Yizz. Have some decorum.
Find out how old we were when we got our first boners and made cream!
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"In an interview with Harper's Bazaar the 37-year-old actress denied that she and Moby had ever dated: “I was surprised to hear that he characterized the very short time that I knew him as dating because my recollection is a much older man being creepy with me,” Portman said. She also pointed out basic factual errors with his recollection in the book, saying that she was not 20, as he claimed in the excerpt, but instead had just turned 18." from a Rolling Stones article about the situation. Moby's gonna run on for a long time. RUN ON!!!
Tommy Blaze is the F-ing man and no one will tell us otherwise. Absolutely perfect posture. Unbelievable! That David A.R. White seems like a mensch as well! But that last guy... what a fire swallowing jabroni.
Learn about the lives of 3 weirdos in this EPIC Pureflix Original!
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Penultimate episode of *** Chance! We're in the endgame now.
Will Katie convince Justin that Allicat69 is a good person? Will Justin kiss Allicat69 without her verbal consent? Will the children vote on which one of them is crucified this year at camp?
The answers to these questions AND MORE are revealed in this episode.
Also as a bonus reveal, we figure out what Steve's name would be if he were on American Gladiators. It's really good
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The Prayer List is a 2020 classic that's basically a love letter to the wife of Mark Sherwood and Tae Kwon Do (don't call it Karate). Between creepy dojo owners and dumb idiot doctors... she certainly ran into her fair share of losers in her life but Mark Sherwood is NOT one of them. Have you seen his forearms?
Tulsa is a 13 hour drive from Minnesota. Is this movie REALLY trying to convince us that there weren't any hospital jobs between Minnesota and Tulsa?!?! To quote Kevin from Home Alone... "I don't think so"
We tell you Whomst the Bagger Vance was in Chloe's Mountain AND we place a curse on YOU the audience in this episode. Not even Lorde can save you now!
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We love you!
This week we're talking *** Chance, minutes 60-65!
This week we're talking *** Chance, minutes 60-65!
This week we're talking *** Chance, minutes 60-65!
Who else is excited about Chloe's Mountains? Not Adam or Steve because they're both married. But maybe you incel creeps might be into them. Who knows!
This movie features one of our favourite Christian Movie Trope. Using your death to guilt and strong arm someone into doing what they don't want to do! In this case it's giving up their life and autonomy for God! Worth it
Chloe is a punk rock cosplayer (since she can't commit to tattoos, piercing her nose or even dying her hair) who just doesn't give a F about God. That is until Grandma dies and dangles a "Christmas Ranch" under her nose with the condition that she can't inherit the ranch unless she goes to a Christian University for 4 years. Why not! That's not a shitty thing to do at all!
Her friends are a bunch of weed heads who don't even get their comupence. Cumupence? Cum Up Pence? It's Jan 6 2021 all over again!
We love you donkeys! Write in to pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter and tell us your ideal death!
We've heard your complaints. We've edited the show ONCE AGAIN to appease the soy boy cuck lords that were upset by our intro. This is the last time though! There's nothing left to edit!
This episode took me 2 HOURS to edit. That's 4 times as long as it took to record. Worth it
Who even knows or cares about what happens in this 5 minute *. All i know is
TO THE WINDOOOOOOOOOWS! TO THE WALL (to the wall)! TILL SWEAT DROPS DOWN MY BALLS (balls)! AND ALL THESE *ES CRAWL (crawl)!
Get out your clubs, crucifixes and dvd's of "Tall, Dark & Chicano" because we're talking Walking With Herb!!!
This is the Facing the Giants of golf movies and that's a compliment!
An unbelievable cast tells the story of scrappy underdog/millionaire banker Edward James Olmos and his mission from God. Will he succeed? Will he rediscover his faith? Will he get frickin LAID? The answer to all of these questions is "duh of course"
Let's all take a moment to boo Adam for not committing to "Aids Ain't Nothing But A Number". What a coward!
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Hey ** this week's Mid Week Freak Treat is a trip!
GRANDMA IS DEAD
JUSTIN FINDS OUT
THE WALLS COME CRASHING DOWN
Will Allicat69 be able to show her *** face at Week 2 of Camp Timberlake? I mean... probably right?
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Hey Focker! Christmas is OVER! Jesus is BORN (although studies suggest he most likely was born in the spring and Dec 25th was used instead because it was a Pagan Holiday and the Christians wanted to convert as many Pagans as they could so they took that special day and rebranded it as Jesus's Birthday) and the smell of Baby Fockers is in the air!
This week the show gets a makeover because for "1 Night Only" the Pure Boys are now the Fock Boys! Greg Focker and his wife "Kevin Sorbo's Slam Piece from Christmas Angel" are parents themselves! And we've met them! And we've focked them!
I'm sure this movie is about all kinds of stuff. I know for a fact it really wanted the term "Godfocker" to catch on... but it didn't! Maybe "Fock Boys" will succeed where "Godfocker" failed. Also that joke barely makes sense. Robert Deniro wasn't in the Godfather. He had nothing to do with those movies. The writer of this flick is focked in the head.
The main reason we're watching this is because the epilogue takes place at Christmas and that's all the justification we needed! Merry New Year and to all a sexy and yizz filled 2022!
We love you focker! Hit us up at pureboyspod@gmail.com, fockboys6969@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter
Of all the *** Chance episodes this is certainly one of them!
Allicat69 starts feeling the fires of Hell nipping at her heels as the walls of her lies start to crumble around her.
Grandma is in a coma now!
Alli won't let her friend come to church because Justin might be there and he might see her and know the jig was up! What a good friend! Also Merry Christmas Oranges to you and yours!
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Merry Christmas Oranges Angels at Cadillac Jack's! This week we're heading to a magical time and place, a throwback 50's nostalgia diner!
When an ORPHAN reaches out to her mother to reconnect after 40 years there's no better place to go than Cadillac Jack's! There's freshly made soup!
FYI Marconi is the guy who invented Radio as we know it. Also according to the song "We built this city on rock and roll" by Jefferson Starship they say "Marconi played the Mamba. Listen on the RADIO" so that should tell you everything you need to know!
Also Kevin Federline is worth 1.5 Million! That's more than Fockers/Christmas Angels start Teri Polo who is only worth 200k. That's the glass ceiling for ya! Men rule!
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Allison goes full Joker at the end of this one! What do you do when you're catfishing some guy, hitting it off, but then your * rival Erin shows up and starts flirting with him (even though he makes it clear he's not interested in her)? You fly off the handle and dump all your baggage on him and hound him about only being interested in women for their looks when... he's clearly been flirting with you this whole time Allison. You stupid idiot!
Get your "Brothers with Benefits" shirts at https://my-store-11699762.creator-spring.com/listing/brothers-with-benefits?product=369
This was a wild one. Get your popcorn ready/ pull your 84 jerseys out and get a comb!
I can't believe neither of us made a "Christmas Angel/Chris Angel" joke this entire episode. That's almost as disappointing as this Kevin Sorbo/PUREFLIX ORIGINAL Classic! Seriously not even Della Reese and Tamara Mowry could pull this stink out of a nose dive.
The Christmas Oranges Gluttony Spectacular rolls on (emphasis on the rolls amirite). You'll never guess what the tally is!!
Honestly I couldn't even tell you what this movie was about, that's how forgettable it was but oh well, there's always next week!
We love you!
Pureflix step your game up. Seriously
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So much lore! Not just for Adam and Steve but also for a corporate mascot that's near and dear to our farts.
Shut up
Merry Christmas Oranges!
What better way to honour a movie about orphans who's only joy in life is the single orange they receive at Christmas than doming 40 Christmas Oranges!
Adam and Steve put the "stiff" in stiff competition and see who can eat the most Christmas Oranges. What happens next will SHOCK YOU!
Also orphans lives suck and the Spanish Flu of 1918 was pretty sh*tty!
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We love Oranges!
The boys were riding high after the all killer no filler Apocalypse V episode this week so they just kept it going and recorded this very professional *** Chance!
Alli is lying to children and won't stop singing! Electric Ethan is going to straight up murder everyone at camp. The hits keep coming and they don't stop coming
Ok so this movie has NOTHING to do with the other 4 Apocalypse movies. There is no closure and the entire movie is like a bad episode of "The Outer Limits (please stand by)". Seriously it's just so bad. What a way to end Apocaylpsember! Yeah see you in hell
THE KIDS ARE HERE THE KIDS ARE HERE! If you love montages and talking about Dune (THE SPICE MELANGE) then you're going to lovi this episode!
Allicat69 brings her baggage to camp and can't stop talking to preschoolers about it. How can she explain catfishing to a kid who doesn't know their arse from a hole in the ground. I bet they've never even been to rotten.com
Sarah LeJeune we love you! Write us a nice review on Apple Podcasts!
So you know how they totally offed Helen Hannah in the last movie? PSYCH!
Helen is back and in the hands of the dastardly O.N.E. lead by Lucifer (yeah he's just going by that now and everyone's cool with it). Lucifer, the great deceiver, has plans to use Helen as an example to the world, to teach them the cost of being a HATER. He's doing this via a televised trial. Not a trial by combat... just a boring old trial. Seriously this movie is literally 90 minutes of court.
Will Helen be found guilty of the crime of HATING HUMANITY?!?!
Will her rag tag/dwindling group of Haters come to her rescue?
Who will be the exciting celebrity in this one?
Which one of us is chizzing the gizzum?
Will Papa John's ever hit us up for that sponsorship?
Tune in this week to find out!
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We love you
Electric Ethan, Vaginal Vicky, Jumping Justin, Alligator Adam, Alligator Steve, Alligator Allison, CHIZZ GIZZUM. These are just some of the names that you're going to get familiar with on this week's Mid Week Freak Treat!
Allison is off to Christian as Frick Camp and guess who's there? "My name's Justin and I love Bustin"
Alli's fat suit makes her look like she's literally melting. It's great!
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Sarah LeJeune we love you!
WARNING Zacharoni drank an iced coffee right before the show and is in full Steamroller mode WARNING
The Apocalypse rolls on! This week we review a movie with just the most buck wild casting we've seen yet. HOW did all these jabroni's end up in a movie together?!
We explore the origins of mankind, discuss the devil and discover what a Taborrak board is (hint... it's nothing!)
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We love you
Zacharoni will NEVER forgive Johnny for saying "No" to watching The Lawnmower Man
Also Justin AND Ali spend back to back scenes cruising U ~~(wayne)~~Night
BRONSON PEARL IS DEAD!
The anti christ gets a total "glow up" and Helen is back! Lawnmower Man plays a guy who has to go into VR to stop bad things from happening. A guy in a wheelchair falls in love with a blind woman. SO MUCH HAPPENS!!!
Plus we discover the future of beverages as we know it!
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URINE!
How does Erin sleep at night? She's truly a monster. Zacharoni has a prediction about her character that's straight out of a Nostradamus book.
Honestly this 5 minutes is the rawest so far. It's Erin taking a big fat dooker on Allison in 2 scenes. Also Allison meats Justin and they play checkers while flirting. Is this the start of exciting things in Allisons life? Maybe we'll find out in the next 5 minutes. Probably not.
Hopefully we see some more of AlliCat28's dating profile!!!!!!!
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November is here and you know what that means! It's time for the Apocalypse Quintology!
We're starting things off by watching the first movie in the Lalonde Brothers EPIC movie series!
The Apocalypse isa coming and the best way to show it is by using stock footage of real human suffering and lots of shots of the news! Seriously this is basically "News: the Movie". The two protagonists (including the hunky Bronson Pearl) are news anchors and most of the movie is them reading the news.
This one is just a taste of what's to come though because after the Rapture happens, those that are "Left Behind" (another Lalonde Bro classic) will have to deal with the friggin ANTI CHRIST! Can't wait to see where the next movies go.
Papa John's hit us up anytime for that sponsorship! I had a lovely DM conversation with the unpaid intern that runs your Twitter account so thank you for that!
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We heard your complaints and we rolled over immediately. Now the word * will be censored. We're really sorry
This week! Cute Ryan is cute! Allison eats fries AND pizza! Young Adults! Bedfords! Erin commits a mortal sin!
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It's the end of the world as we know it... and I feel Swine???
Pureflix and David A.R. White and Fat Scott Aukerman present Jerusalem Countdown! It's a movie about the rapture... that should be a slam dunk right? Nope it's super boring for MOST of the run time. However at the end FSA gets in on the action and the movie gets kicked up like 10 notches. BAM!
In the words of some guy from Counter Strike... "Terrorists Win"
Pureflix you're crazy for this one!
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Mid Week Freak Treat rolls on (emphasis on the rolls amirite?!?!)!
Instead of moving on to "Sons of Thunder" we decided to detour and do a hardcore breakdown of the movie "Fat Chance" in 5 minute increments. Why? Cause frick you that's why!
We cover minutes 0:00-5:00 on this debut episode. What happens in this chunk of the movie (emphasis on chunk amiritie?)... nothing you idiots it's the first 5 minutes. Allison is overweight and everyone hates her. Roll credits (emphasis on roll...did I already do this?)
Send your hate mail to pureboyspod@gmail.com
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Jose Canseco look-a-like gets "forced into retirement" from the police force and his brother gets him a job as a high school teacher/baseball coach. From there he goes on to investigate the MURDER OF JESUS CHRIST! All of this is exactly what happens in this week's movie!
THE GOVERNMENT LIES
There is a WILD twist in regards to who wrote this movie and who all these characters are but I'm not going to spoil it here! You gotta listen to the episode baby
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THIS IS IT!The series finale of "Hitting the Breaks". It's been a real roller coaster of emotion and now that we're at the end I can proudly say... We have watched Hitting the Breaks.
Guest stars galore (okay just 1). Arlen is back! The bunny man speaks Italian.
In the end does Dan wake up inside the burning wreckage of his car after WHOAAA he crashed into the mall? Guess you'll have to listen to the whole damn thing to find out.
Pureflix this one wasn't your best effort but this last episode kind of stuck the landing. Zach thinks it's the best of the series so you got that going for you. Hit us up at pureboyspod@gmail.com and we can discuss our show notes with you
YES I SUPER PICKY!!!!!!!
God bless ALL podcasts!
This week we're talking the 2016 Anthony Hackett CLASSIC "Love Different"! Full disclosure... we are NOT the people who should be discussing this movie and black culture in general but here we are!
Executive Produced by God! This movie is the equivalent of "White people drive like this and black people drive like this" joke from The Simpsons. It's great!
Stay tuned at the very start for Zacharoni's NEW THEME SONG IN FULL! You thought Use This Gospel was holy? Wait till you hear Use This Podcast!
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Is THIS the best episode of Hitting the Breaks? Rob Schneider fans say "Huh?"
WHOA! If you spell swears is it bad? Hit your f-u-c-k-i-n-g breaks and find out d-i-c-k-l-i-c-k
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Rate us 5 stars you heathens!
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At no point in this movie does he take a selfie
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SAMSON SIMPSON! I stick by my story!
This week the boyums (because they put the Yum in Boyum) are watching the 2018 PUREFLIX original Samson!
PUREFLIX YOU DID IT AGAIN YOU A GENIUS!
Samson is the stupidest "man" in the Bible for real. Also God's rules for Samson are stupid. No wine, no touching dead bodies, no cutting your hair?!?!! What else is left in life? I want to scalp myself while high fiving a dead body and butt chugging a nice Riesling. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK GOD?!?!?! Are you there God? It's me Johnothon Toilet Toilet!
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Y'all! Zacharoni Obama cracked the code on this one! He Nancy Drewed his way through the opening credits of Hitting the Breaks and tracked down the actual race footage they used for the crash. Amazing! Head over to our Twitter to see it!
Pureflix we hope you paid Nascar for that footage! If so please hit us up for that sponsorship!
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Did you know that God has updated his rules for getting into heaven 3 times?! She moves in mysterious ways!!
F the 10 commandments!There's only 1 rule for getting into heaven now and it's a real son of a b*tch. The writer of this movie is a coward who wants to say something but doesn't have the nuts to actually come out and say it. I won't reveal it here (irony!) because it's worth the journey through this episode. This movie made us so mad but it's nice to be back getting right with God.
We're finally back to the good good God movies. Feels good to be home baby!
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Zacharoni Obama is flying solo on this one. We've been following the journey of Lil Nas X and Montero for months now and it's finally out! Zach gives you the breakdown of a lifetime! Lil Nas X is now the official artist of The Pure Boys. Sorry it's now official. Take that all you liberal soy boy cuck lords
Dan is a liar and an idiot. Dan hates his wife and lies to her all the time. Dan is a bad husband.
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I met a nun who wiped her nose on her clothes... she had a nasty habit!
Whoopster is back! Chatty Dajimi is back! Abraham Omaha is back! Lauryn Hill is making her film debut!
Whoop Whoop gets guilted into teaching a bunch of peckerheads how to sing... but this time "peckerhead" refers to students and not nuns! Will she whip them into shape in time for the big competition? Yeah duh?
Man people were starved for entertainment before the internet. Could you even imagine buying tickets to go to a frickin choir concert?! Who the hell?!
We'll see you next week when WE get back in the habit of actually reviewing CHRISTIAN CINEMA!
Pureflix hit us up! Even though we watched THIS movie on Disney+ that doesn't mean we don't still love you!
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If you want excruciating detail on a Hitting the Breaks episode look no further. We go deeper than we've ever gone before on HTB! David and your dyed blonde hair take note! This is what we would offer as employees of Pureflix. HIT! US! UP!
Consider this our audition
We love you
Pure Boys are talking God (you can sing that to "The Boys are back in town")! We're back YAAAHWEHHH
This week we're joined by one of the most beautiful men I've ever known... Abraham Omaha! He joins us to talk all things Sister Act! Whoopi, Whoopi, Whoopi!
Shaqaroni is correct in the fact that Whoopi is kinda hot in this movie. Is Whoopi hot?
Oh yeah we're all in the same studio so Shaqaroni's mic is a little "roomy". No big deal
Pureflix hit us up and we'll talk about Sister Act wherever and whenever you want ;)
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Reginald Val Johnson! Carrot Top! This episode has it all!
RVJ plays a butler to Ray Wise. He quits his job and heads out to see Holliday Sinclair up in the mountains. IMMEDIATELY after arriving in town, the cops start to hassle him. Is this some kind of weird commentary David AR White? It cuts deep and I lovi it.
Mostly this episode sucks like all the rest of Hitting the Breaks. But there is a great Carrot Top joke (really!) so it's kind of worth it.
Zach had a meltdown the first time they tried to record this episode so that might get released at some point. Who knows!
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Yaaaaaaaa WEH! I can't think of a better way to cap off Cowgirl Summer than with a hot and steamy sex scene straight out of Lori Wilde's "To Tame A Wild Cowboy". You've been edging all summer, now you're bout ta bust! Time to B that N and then you can finally die.
Shaqaroni and Johnothon decide to spice up their lives by getting ripped to the tits at 10 am on a Sunday (the Lord's day) and then they recorded this episode!
Is it good? It's SIMPLY THE BEST
5 stars on Apple podcasts please daddy
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Well fudge packers, we've come to end of a long dusty trail and that brings us to the end of Cowgirl Summer. What a journey we've had, discussing great cowgirl movies. We're certainly going to miss all the antics of these troubled youths and the horses that save them. But we can't reach the end without going back to the beginning!
This week we're watching the prequel to Cowgirls 'N Angels 2: Dakota's Summer... Cowgirls 'N Angels!
Cromwell! Rathbone! THAT'S IT!
See ya'll next week when we get back on our God shit
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Rate us 5 stars on Apple podcasts
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YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH WEEHHHHHHH
I WAS A RACE CAR DRIVER DOING 25 AND THEN WHOAAAA I CRASHED INTO A MALL
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If this movie is any indication... the west was fun as frick!
Mary Kate! Ashley! Olsen! These titans of the child actors game are titans in this movie! Those girls can act and also blackmail people.
Gotta save the ranch. Duh all these movies are the same but this one is actually funny and good. So good for them!
We discussed this off air but did you know that Stephen Collins (the dad from 7th Heaven) totally diddled some kids? According to Wikipedia he had "inappropriate sexual conduct with three female minors" in 1973, 1982 and 1994. That's not a whoopsie. That's a pattern of predatory behaviour. What a guy!
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"And you may say to yourself... My God, what have I done?"
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YAAAAHH WEH!!! You'll never guess who's trying to get his dangus wet in THIS episode of Pure Boys!
Black River Ranch is BACK baby! It's been a year since we last checked in with this amazing camp and things. have. changed. Mrs Jessica is gone and it turns out everyone kind of hated her! New kids! New counselors! Richard Karn's brother! This movie has it all.
You'll NEVER shoot the artillery!
BR. BR BR BR BR BR. BR. BR BR BR BR BR
https://www.blackriverfarmandranch.com/
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Malibu Dan is dead. Long live Malibu Dan!
"Hitting the Breaks" is about washed up race car driver who inherits a hotel his dad owned in a podunk Colorado town. Will we learn any of the characters names? Not the ones played by former Malibu Dan actors. So get ready for confusion as Malibu Dan, Holliday Sinclair, Reggie, Arlen, The blonde who loved Dan's Dad and fricking CHUCK FROM ACCOUNTING head off on a new adventure.
This show is already just garbage but it's only 10 episodes so we'll all get through it together. Don't worry fudgepackers, we got you! Wait until you see who the HELL they've roped into this project. It's wild!
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SERIES FINALE BAYBEE!!! As the lord Jesus Christ once said "It is finished"
We frickin did it! Finally after all these months of struggle and laughs, we've made it to the series finale of Malibu Dan. Guess what? His parents get back together. Big whoop. Dan's mom is an overbearing, awful woman who could not care less about the concerns and struggles her husband is going through. All she cares about is keeping that sweet sweet gravy train a flowing. Talking cash money baybee! Everyone is so hard on Jennifer for using Dan's dad but Dan's mom is literally just playing the long game here. What a joke.
This show can kiss my black ass
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If you wanna be a Ponysitter, you gotta be TOUGH!
Yahweh Fudgepackers! Cowgirl Summer rolls on!
The boys watch a great flick this week. The title is long so you just look at it. I'm not writing it again. Will all the fair stuff happen? It's a kids movie so duh DOI it will
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SERIES FINALE pt 1!!! THANK GOD! We made it. We're finally here. After 22 weeks of Malibu Dan we finally reached the end and wouldn't you know it... we barely talk about the episode! Dan's dad is divorcing his mom so he can get with some young piece of tail. But that girl is engaged to someone else! Also Dan's mom shows up and she is a total DIME!
They mention Luke Bryan so much in this episode we were sure he was going to cameo and guess what... he doesn't!
I can't wait to move on from this show. It's been a fun ride but much like a rollercoaster, it makes me nauseous.
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Stop @ing us. The title of the movie is NOT Storm Dancer it's CLEARLY Storm Rider. Get your whole life together ya jabroni!
We pop our K "mouth fulla" Sorbs cherry and then mash it into wine with this wack ass movie. Honestly this movie was a bore but we do our best to find the fun in the whole situation! Plus we agree with another K Sorbs tweet.
I feel like if we agree with too many K Sorbs tweets that a seal of the apocalypse is going to be broken and some kind of horrible thing will happen to the world. Are we in the end times? Only 1 way to find out!
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Dan and Big Farty Marty Dankles are at it again. BFMD has got in Dan's head that his masculinity is being challenged AGAIN. Literally for the third time. BFMD is such a 1 note character. I haiti him. He's actively trying to ruin Dan's marriage. Oh well. Honestly we recorded this a while ago and I don't really remember what we talked about so good luck! Yeah I could listen back but why would I do that? You're probably not even going to read this anyway. But if you did read it just know that we love you! God we're so close to being done Malibu Dan the Family Man. We can't wait!
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Yeeeeee HAWWWW Fudgepackers! After a brief detour into some classics from Hollyweird, Zach and Johnny are back doing what they do best... talkin bout Cowgirl Movies!
Sonny is a little crippled (the movies words) girl who loves Ginger, a full on horse. With the help of Ben, owner of Ben Taylor's Friggin Ranch, can she heal her busted leg and learn to ride Ginger? Yeah duh
PLUS the Kevin Sorbo Tweet of the Week, To Tame a Wild Cowboy and more riffs than you can shake a stick at!
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Rate us 5 stars on Apple Podcasts ya filthy animals. I have to poop so bad while writing this. Yeesh
"Bustin makes me feel good!" - Britt Marlin famed female poet. Put these women on islands! We share our childhood trauma! Apparel is Haiti's number 1 export!
The Wake Up Malibu crew is going to be on the front page of a New York newspaper. For some reason? Why would anyone in New York care about a Malibu morning show? Why does Bam think this will bring viewers to their 5 am morning show? Why are we still doing this show? WHO CARES!
Pureflix hit us up we'd love to take your money!
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CHONNNNNNNNNNN WAAAAAAANNNNNGGG! What's up fudgepackers and welcome to a very special BONUS EPISODE of Pure Boys
We riffed about Wild Wild West in our Rodeo & Juliet episode, then riffed about Shanghai Noon during our Wild Wild West episode and now we're here. We riff about The Quick and the Dead in this episode so MAYBE we'll do a bonus episode about that one too. Maybe? Zach has to massage Johnny about it like he's having trouble peeing on a shirt so it won't break and you can then use it to bend jail bars.
"You said wet shirt don't break not piss shirt bend bar"
Seriously this movie is great. Owen Wilson is an absolute national treasure, Jackie Chan is an absolute kung fu beast and yes I absolutely super picky!
Johnothan Toilet Toilet... that's a terrible cowboy name!
Also Zach is wrong at the start of the episode. "Does This Look Infected" isn't a terrible album. "Still Waiting" is a banger of a song!
Enjoy. We love you!
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Now THIS is a Cowgirl Summer!
Zach bullied Johnny into doing Wild Wild West and what a treat it was!
Will Smith's Balls, Salma Hayek's Butt, Bai Ling's Butt, Botticelli's buttocks! This movie HAS! IT! ALL!
It's Wild Wild West, if you know you know. Wiki Wiki Wild
Zach forgot to mention "Footloose" as one of Kenny Loggins soundtrack hits. Zach deeply regrets this mistake.
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Wicki-wicki wild wild West Jim West, desperado
Rough rider, no you don't want nada
None of this, six-gunnin' this, brother runnin' this
Buffalo soldier, look, it's like I told ya Any damsel that's in distress
Be outta that dress when she meet Jim West
Rough neck so go check the law and abide
Watch your step or flex and get a hole in your side Swallow your pride, don't let your lip react
You don't wanna see my hand where my hip be at
With Artemus, from the start of this, runnin' the game
James West, tamin' the West, so remember the name Now who ya gonna call?
Not the GB's
Now who you gonna call?
J Dub and A.G
If you ever riff with either one of us
Break out, before you get bum-rushed, at the Wild wild west (when I roll into the)
Wild wild west (when I stroll into the)
Wild wild west (when I bounce into the)
Wild wild west We're goin' straight to the wild wild west (wild wild west, the wild wild west)
We're goin' straight to the wild wild west (wild wild west) Now, now, now
Now once upon a time in the West
Mad man lost his damn mind in the West
Loveless, kidnap a dime, nothin' less
Now I must, put his behind to the test (can you feel me?) Then through the shadows, in the saddle, ready for battle
Bring all your boys in, here come the poison
Behind my back, all that riffin' ya did
Front and center, now where your lip at kid? Who dat is? A mean brother, bad for your health
Lookin' damn good, though, if I could say it myself
Told me Loveless is a mad man, but I don't fear that
He got mad weapons too? Ain't tryna hear that Tryin' to bring down me, the champion?
When y'all clowns gon' see that it can't be done
Understand me, son, I'm the slickest they is
I'm the quickest they is (yeah) Did I say I'm the slickest they is?
So if you barkin' up the wrong tree, we comin'
Don't be startin' nothin', me and my partner gonna
Test your chest, Loveless
Can't stand the heat, then get out the wild, wild, West We're goin' straight to the wild wild West (when I roll into the)
We're goin' straight (when I stroll into the)
To (when I bounce into the)
The wild wild west We're goin' straight (straight) to (to)
The wild wild West (the wild wild West)
We're goin' straight (straight) to (to)
The wild wild West (the wild wild West)
(The wild wild West)
Yeah Can you feel it? C'mon, c'mon
Yeah (breakdown)
Keep it moving, keep it moving (breakdown)
Ooh, yeah To any outlaw tryin' to draw, thinkin' you're bad
Any drawin' on West, best with a pen and a pad
Don't even think about it, six gun, weighin a ton
Ten paces and turn (one... two... three...), just for fun, son Up 'til sundown, rollin' around
See where the bad guys are to be found and make 'em lay down
They're defenders of the West
Crushin' all pretenders in the West
Don't mess with us, 'cause we in the Wild wild west (when I roll into the)
Wild wild west (when I stroll into the)
Wild wild west (when I bounce into the)
Wild wild west We're goin' straight (straight) to (to)
The wild wild West (the wild wild West)
We're goin' straight (straight) to (to)
The wild wild West (the wild wild West)
We're goin' straight (straight) to (to)
The wild wild West (the wild wild West)
We're goin' straight (straight) to (to)
The wild wild West (the wild wild West)
Come on The wild wild west (when I roll into the) come on
Wild wild west (when I stroll into the) we're goin' straight to (to)
The wild wild west (the wild wild west) The wild wild west (whoo! Uhh)
The wild wild west (ha hah, ha hah)
The wild wild west (uhh)
The wild wild west (I done done it again y'all, done done it again) The wild wild west (ha hah, ha hah)
The wild wild west (big Will, Dru Hill, uh)
The wild wild west (big Will, Dru Hill)
The wild wild west (ha hah, ha hah)
The wild wild west The wild wild west (uhh)
The wild wild west (one time)
The wild wild west (uhh)
The wild wild west (bring in the heat, bring in the heat) The wild wild west (what? Ha hah, ha hah)
The wild wild west (whoo, wild wild, wicki-wild)
The wild wild west (wick wild wild wild, wa-wicki wild wild)
The wild wild west (wickidy-wick wild wild wild)
The wild wild west
The wild wild west The wild wild west (uhh, uhh)
The wild wild west (can't stop the bumrush)
The wild wild...
The wild wild west
Bermuda, Bahamas, cum on pretty mamas. Also how adorable is it that when Zach said Aruba, both their minds went to Kokomo. What a couple of cuties
YAAAHHHH WEHHHHH!!!
This is probably the least good movie we've watched so far in Cowgirl Summer TM. But Yes I Super Picky TM so what do you expect?
New segment alert! Zach brings some new freaky energy to the show with his new sexy segment. Does he steamroll the show again? You bet!
This movie is sloppy as heck. The plot just leaves threads dangling worse than my saddle sore behind. Rodeo is a friggin HORSE not a man and there is NO beastiality. Look, i get that calling it Rodeo & Juliet is a friggin slam dunk of a name but they don't even fall in love. What is the point? Juliet's love interest is a dweebus named Monty. Monty Gue? More like Monty "Here comes the" glue amirite?
Next week is gonna be a banger and a pallet cleanser so hang on to your cowgirl hat like you're riding around the ring holding a huge American flag.
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Rock Hudson (1925-1985)
Freddie Mercury (1946-1991)
Anthony Perkins (1932-1992)
Arthur Ashe (1943-1993)
Eazy-E (1964-1995)
Liberace (1919-1987)
Slitcherace (2001-2021)
We love you! Happy Canada Day! Don't die of Aids this year!
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YAAAAAAAHHH WEEEEHHHHH!
If you loved "Hope's Legacy" you'll kind of like "Christmas Ranch"! In this Prequel, Lizzy is a "bad girl" who gets sent to live with her Grandma over the Christmas break (but then also beyond that because FRICK SCHOOL!)
There she meets Hope (a horse who just won't eat) and James (the boy next door with a butt that just won't quit). Will they fall in love and save the ranch? Yes obviously because we accidentally reviewed the sequel last week. But who cares!
Lizzy's dad is played by a different, objectively worse, actor!
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We love you fudgepackers!
Strap in for the saddest Malibu Dan episode yet! Arlen's life is SO SAD. He's alone and while he doesn't mind being alone, he's tired of being lonely. Oh god Arlen. Arlen turns 50 and has the most depressing birthday imaginable. It honestly would have been better if NOTHING happened on his birthday. That would have been infinitely better than what actually happens. I don't want to spoil anything for you listeners but jeezuz louiseus what an absolute gut punch this episode is.
Arlen deserved better.
If you'd like to talk to us about YOUR sad life send an email to pureboyspod@gmail.com or @pureboyspodcast on Twitter
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The best thing about being a cowgirl... is getting to see a
BIG! HORSE! DONGER!
Lizzy inherited her dead grandma's ranch and wants to compete in Horsie Triathalon! But first she needs the help from Glammother (Golden Globe and 3 time Academy Award Nominated Dyan Cannon), her grandma's best friend (even though she didn't live in the same country so how close could they have actually been?). Her main rival in competition AND love is Big Red, a haughty loser with no life outside of horses.
Will Lizzy get married? Tune in and find out!
Head on over to @pureboyspodcast on Twitter to see a sweet pic of Legacy's donger. It's a beaut even though he's playing a female horse in the movie.
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We love you!
Respect ya neck! Big up yaself! Chet Hanks in da house (not really but we did record this shortly after Chet released his famous "White Boy Summer" video)!
BU BU BU!
If you love borderline offensive Jamaican accents and Yizz talk than THIS episode is for YOU! Zach and Johnny go off the rails and barely talk about the wackiest episode of Malibu Dan yet. But hey, their Yizz Empire grows larger so big up yaself for that ya bumbaclot.
Heads up, Zach is pretty insufferable in this episode so... frick him right?
Also Malibu Dan the Family Man steals a joke from Christian Comedian Jeff Allen WHOLESALE. Zach is filled with righteous anger about it but Johnny leaves him hanging. Does this make Zach freak out... listen and find out! Shoutout to Just For Laughs in the 90's for introducing Zach to this bit and BIG UPS to Jeff Allen for keepin it clean all these years!
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YEEEE HAW this one isn't really about Cowgirls at all. But there is horses and girls riding and loving horses so close enough!
Misty is a horse that is played by Halle Bopp (also a horse) and gets her name in the opening credits. Does she have a SAG card now? Who knows!
Amanda loves Misty and wants her to do well. She wants to be a horse jumper. She wants to not end up alone and sad like Charolette. Amanda is 7 years old.
This episode walks a very thin line on what is appropriate so hit us up anytime for that sponsorship PureFlix! We Love You!!
Also John Schneider played Bo Duke. Tom Wopat who played Luke Duke was arrested for indecent assault on a 16 year old in 2019. "Someday the mountain might get him but the law never will" PSYCH
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New sets, Old sets! So much bedroom action! Kate in a nightie! Holliday Sinclair is a real character now! Malibu Dan "Reloaded" is a real treat (disclaimer... we're referring to the back half of the season as "Reloaded" because it IS a different show). Kate doesn't know anything about her husband and can't buy him gifts. She also is too lazy to make supper so she just puts out a salad. Shame. We barely talk about selling piss in this one! Barely. It's still there but there's just a lot less. We do tell some poo stories though so strap in for that. What is this show becoming? This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife.
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The best thing about being a 15 year old washout gymnast... is getting to have a COWGIRL SUMMER!!! YEEEHAWWWW
Samantha (Sam if you're nasty) Wick is a washout gymnast who's grandma sends her to Black River Summer Camp (a real place).
https://www.blackriverfarmandranch.com/
There she learns not to be a total B to everyone and how to perform Horse Vaulting which is just gymnastics on a horse. But the real story is that the camp is getting shut down and they need to raise money to save it!
Will the ladies accomplish their goal of raising money and saving the camp? The fact that there is a sequel to this movie would indicate that they do!
Ricard Karn is in this and he's looking sunburnt and totally hunky.
Isn't it funny that God murdered the world with a silly little floody floody?
Our Twitter is dead so follow us at @yesisuperpicky on Twitter or email us pureboyspod@gmail.com
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We love you (especially if you're a cowgirl)
Head to our OnlyFans for the hottest feet pics in the hottest jars of Yizz. Yes this is real. We are actually selling feet pics in jars of Yizz. You decide what Yizz iz. If you Haiti that idea you can get fricked. We're trying to retire by 35 and how else are we gonna make a milli? Hard work? Get Fricked Bud! Pure Flix hit us up anytime for that sponsorship We love you!
Also Malibu Dan the actual TV show gets a major glow up.
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YEEEEE HAW!!! That's right it's Cowgirl Summer on Pure Boys! We're watching cowgirl movies all summer long so what better one to start with than this one who's title is too long and complicated to type out twice. The good news is that it's the perfect template for all cowgirl movies so I'll just be copying and pasting this write up for each episode. Easy work for me!
[Girls Name] is a [rodeo performer, troubled teen, city girl, trick rider] who is struggling. When a bad thing happens to her, her parents send her to stay with her [grandparents, aunt, friend up state] who runs a ranch. There she meets a hunky ranch hand [Boys Name] and befriends [Horses Name] a [retired, troubled, impossible to tame] horse. [Girls Name] learns a lot about living and a little bout love over the course of 1 magical summer. She then returns home to [city, rodeo crew, trick riding crew] with a new found appreciation of things and a few new tricks up her sleeves. Thanks to what she learned over the summer she is able to [win the competition, stand up to her bully, actually it's usually one of those two]. [Girls Name] will never be the same again thanks to her COWGIRL SUMMER!
We love you!
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Zach was thinking of Robert Wagner who played Number Two in the Austin Powers franchise in regards to the actor who might have murdered his wife. Sorry Michael York, you're beautiful!
Did you know they built a robot that you can sexually harass? Head over to our Twitter page and scroll back to April 7th to see the tweet we posted about it. That's right... we recorded this episode almost 2 months ago. WHO CARES WE LOVE MALIBU DAN!!!!
Dan invites some hunk over for dinner, he doesn't come. Instead he shows up in the middle of the night to talk to Emily about violin and kiss Kate's hand. But Dan will NOT let him kiss his hand because he's straight as frick.
This was a good ep
Next week... FINALLY... Macaroni and Sneeze
Rate us 5 stars on Apple podcasts please!
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Boo! Maydea comes to an explosive conclusion with this week's episode. Explosive in my pants knowwhatimsayin?
The Pure Boys welcome a very special guest to the show. One of the hosts of The Terror Table (a much more successful podcast) Buzi! We figured that he hosts a horror movie podcast so who better to come on and talk about the spookiest, scariest, sexiest (?) Madea movie yet?!
This is your last chance to get off that stuff so you better make it stick this time. Yuck in your yum and get ready for Madea vs a frat house.
Don't fret though... we'll be back for Maydea next year. Maydea is eternal
The internet is a powerful machine. Peanut Butter/Pina Colada Milkshakes are the greatest creation since Tyler Perry slipped on a pair of fat Yabos!
We love you!
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www.theterrortable.com
Welcome all you Glitter Queens, Bug Chasers and Yizz Heads. THIS is Malibu Dan the Family Man Episode 12. Dan buys a fiddler from famous fake fiddler Bobby Lee Wilson. In the end credits it says that Bobby Lee Wilson was played by Gene Autry... but Gene Autry has been dead since 1998. What is going on?! There is some weird conspiracy happening with this show and David A.R. White refuses to acknowledge our questions about it.
WHAT ARE YOU HIDING DAVID? We love you!
Head to our teespring store to buy our "Yizz" shirt. Available now and also actually available 6 weeks ago when we recorded this episode and set up our shop.
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Maydea week threea! If we thought last week's meeting of the Titans (Madea meets Aunt Bam) was something special... this week blows last week out of the water.
MADEA meets EUGENE LEVY! That's right. Mr Schitt himself, Eugene Levy stars in a Madea movie. That man has the greatest career out of anyone in Hollyweird. To top it off, Denise Richards (just past her prime but still a dime) is his wife. AND Tom Arnold (suck yo dink get high) is his boss who sets him up to be the fall guy in a ponzi scheme. They only share one scene though so who cares.
This is the most heart felt of all the Madea movies. A little light on laughs but FULL of great character moments and interactions. Joe is the standout and not just for being a horn dog. The man gets actual growth as a character and has a man to man convo with Eugene Levy that's maybe the best scene in any Madea movie. Also there's a church choir scene that blew Zach's cornrows back.
I'm so sad next week is the last week of Maydea. It's been so much fun. But we end with a bang next week so don't even fret my pet
Hallelujur! We love you!
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The card game they play is Rook! Which is some wimpy Christian card game made by Puritans and Mennonites because they were afraid of a regular deck of cards. Seriously. That's a real fact. Can you believe how stupid that is? Afraid of CARDS?! Cowards!
Official rules
The official rules for Tournament Rook (also known as Kentucky Discard) are as follows.
Four players are organized into two teams of two players each, sitting opposite each other. Players must keep their hands secret from all other players, including their teammates. The object of the game is to be the first team to reach 300 points by capturing cards with a point value in tricks. If both teams have over 300 points at the end of a round, the team with the higher point total wins.
Only certain cards have a point value. These are known as counters. Each 5 is worth 5 points, each 10 and 14 is worth 10 points, and the Rook Bird card is worth 20 points.
The deal
The 1s, 2s, 3s, and 4s are removed from the deck, and the Rook Bird card is added, for a total of 41 cards. The dealer shuffles and cuts the deck, then deals all of the cards, one at a time. After every player has received his or her first card, the dealer places one card face-down in the center of the table. This is repeated until there are five cards (the nest) in the middle of the table. The remaining cards are dealt normally.
Bidding
After the deal, players bid in increments of 5 points for the privilege of naming the trump suit. Bidding starts with the player to the left of the dealer and passes clockwise. The minimum bid is 70 points, and the maximum is 120 points (the number of points a team would make if they captured all the counters in the game). If a player chooses not to increase the bid, he or she may pass to the next player. A player that has passed may not make another bid for the round. The high bidder adds the five cards of the nest to his or her hand, then lays any five cards to the side. The high bidder then names the trump suit. At any time during the bidding process, a player can call a redeal if they have no points in their hand.
Play
After the trump suit has been named, the player to the left of the dealer places any card of any suit face-up on the center of the table. Play proceeds clockwise, with each player playing one card face-up in turn. After each player has played, the player that played the highest card of the suit of the leading card takes all of the cards played, or "takes the trick".
A player must either follow suit (play a card of the leading suit) or play the Rook Bird card. If a player has no cards of the leading suit, he or she may play any other card, including the Rook Bird card or a card of the trump suit. The highest card of the leading suit takes the trick, unless a trump card is played, in which case the highest trump card takes the trick.
If a player reneges, or fails to follow suit when he or she could have, the error may be corrected before the next trick is taken. If it is not discovered until later, the round ends, and the team that made the error loses a number of points equal to the bid, regardless of which team made the bid. The opponents score all the counters they captured before the error was discovered.
The person who takes the trick leads in the next trick. When a trick is taken, it is placed face-down in front of the player who took it. Tricks taken may not be reviewed by any player until the end of the round. The player that takes the last trick in a round captures the nest and scores any counters in it.
The Rook Bird card
The Rook Bird card is the highest trump card in the game. It takes any trick in which it is played.
If the Rook Bird card is led, all other players must play a trump card, if they have one. If the trump suit is led, and the player holding the Rook Bird card cannot follow suit, he or she must play the Rook Bird card.
Scoring
When all possible tricks have been taken, each team adds the counters they captured. If the bidding team failed to make the number of points bid, the team loses a number of points equal to the amount of the bid, and does not make any points for counters captured in the round. The opposing team receives points for any counters they captured.
YAASSS QUEEN GET AN ABORTION! Thats progressive right?
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Maydea continues! This week we're talking about Madea's Big Happy Family... what an ironic name! They should have named it, Madea's Absolutely Miserable Family of Miserable Catty Hoes. So many twists and turns! Secrets revealed about Kimberly (depressing), Mr Brown (insane) and Madea herself (shocking!). God I love Madea and hopefully we can do Maydea again next year.
Hope you enjoy the ep BYREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN
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It's Maydea ya'll! We're watching a Madea movie each week this month and so what better one to start out with than the first one!
Diary of a Mad Black Woman is wild. If you love bitter black women, parapalegics being tortured, old women flashing guns around, old men pooping their pants, Shemar Moore in multiple gang colours, Shemar Moore being a total snacc, Shemar Moore wearing a bad cornrows wig, Shemar Moore is just so hot, you'll love this movie. The main lady is not Taraji P Henson but she's pretty good in this movie. God i wish we had watched "I can do bad all by myself". Taraji P Henson is a total babe. But this movie is amazing anyway. May the 4th be with you
Get on that stuff! We love you
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Get ready for some old fashioned thinking on this week's Malibu Dan the Family Man. Where does Kate belong? The kitchen! And by the end of this episode she thinks so too. Nicole quits the show... but then comes back. Dan tries to be "Mr Mom" and instead wrecklessly destroys the kitchen after using it 1 time. How did you survive to this point Dan?
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Yes I Pubes!
YES, I SUPER PICKY! Our twitter got shut down because we kept tweeting at random real people "Yes I super picky! #StopAsianHate #SonicMovie2". Petition Twitter to let us back on! Help us! Help stop asian hate! Help make a second Sonic movie! Help! Help stop the head of the East India Company from blowing up Philadelphia and stopping the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Help!
Yes i super picky! Help!
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WHAT IS MALIBU DAN THE FAMILY MAN RELOADED? That show is just the OG Malibu Dan the Family Man series just in a different order?! What is even that!?!?! We tweet at David A.R. White about it in a rage!
Oh and Emily got an F on her english test so that sucks too
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WE ARE THE WATCHERS! What if Aliens were actually Angels?!?! What if the Annunaci and the Igigi were actually the Bene Sumahr? What if the spice melange was what caused blue eyes and was a byproduct of the sand worms eating the sand? What if Paul Atreidies WAS betrayed by the padishah emperor? What if Arakkis could be terraformed into a habitable planet and the spice was controlled by one house? What would that mean for galactic trade? I mean... what if right?
If there is no episode on Wednesday than Johnothon FAILED
Also 4/20 baybee!
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SURPRISE! This episode doesn't make a LICK of sense. It's Dan's birthday on Saturday so Kate comes to work and tells Dan she wants him to throw Arlen a surprise birthday party on Saturday even though Arlens birthday isn't for 2 months and Dan agrees to it even though it's his ACTUAL birthday on Saturday and then it turns out that Kate just wanted to distract him so she could throw HIM a surprise birthday party but like just get him to go paintballing or something there's no need to go through this elaborate ruse of getting him to plan and buy things for a fake surprise party on his actual birthday since you're just going to be buying things and planning a real surprise birthday party in the meantime. The whole thing just doesn't make a lick of sense!
Trigger warning! There's some talk of suicide in this episode and also is it illegal to ask men to send you pictures of their "of age" nipples on Twitter @pureboyspod?
Pure Flix hit us up for that sponsorship any day now! We love you!
On this Freaky Tuesday episode, Zach and John Face/Off and feel 17 Again for the 2020 Classic Switched. This is not a movie about babies getting switched at the hospital... this is a full on Brain Swap movie.
The bully and the bullied switch brains and guess what... they both learn lessons. Isn't it wild to walk a day in someone elses shoes? Also i guess they both find out God exists and that he answers prayers in the most insane way possible. Does God do this often? What other weird magic tricks can God do?
Denise Richards is in this! I guess Christmas came twice this year.
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Early morning episodes are weird as frick! Dan and Kate have a disagreement and so Dan abandons his family. Good luck following what the rest of the episode is about because this one is off the rails. Shout out to Paul Reiser's books about parenting!
Jonny and Zachy get their freak on both figuratively and literally. Pure Flix, after listening to this episode how could you NOT give us a morning show? We love you!
Yo this movie is HYPE
Aaron Beckman is a retired hitman who got out of the life. When a beloved family member is "killed", Beckman must return to the life he worked so hard to leave in order to get REVENGE. Carving a bloody path of vengeance through one of America's major metropolis's, he meets a colourful cast of hitmen (and hitwomen) who are either there to help him... or to STOP HIM. Will ~~John Wick~~ Aaron Beckman get revenge? Or does God have something else in mind for him?
This is legit and unironically the best movie we've watched on this show. The cinnamontography is on point, the fight scenes are well shot and exciting (Tommy's apartment fight being the high point) and William Baldwin is having the time of his life playing Reese, a billionaire cult leader.
Seriously everyone... watch Beckman. It's fricking awesome
pureboyspod@gmail.com @pureboyspod on Twitter. Head on over to Apple Podcasts and give us 5 stars and leave a little review.
We love you!
Hope you enjoyed our little April Fools prank episode! Here's the real episode!
Dan said "I don't need to star in EVERY episode of this series right?" APRIL FOOLS! Turns out the side characters cannot carry an episode on their own. APRIL FOOLS! Plus it was just heartbreaking not to look at Dan and Kate's cutie pie relationship. APRIL FRICKIN FOOLS! Anyway, whatever, Arlen babysits Emily and he enlists Nicole, Reggie and Hollidae St Claire to help him. We also find out that Hollidae has been dinging Mr Bam Wallets car doors with her own like a jerk! If you're into Shibari you'll love this episode!
David A.R. White please listen to our advice in this episode and ALWAYS be the star of Malibu Dan the Family Man. We love you!
Oh yeah there's no Slitherachi in this episode so that's a minus as well. Slitherachi Shibari... is that anything? No
Steel Harbour 2017 The 2nd Civil War
The old democracy is overthrown by a tyrannical new group called the “Congressional Directorate”. Every city in the nation is under martial law except one - Steel Harbour, the last free city. A secluded island of shrinking independence. It is a place marked by chaos and crime, providing a home for a new kind of mercenary…
MALIBU DAN!
April Fools ya'll we love you. The actual episode will be coming out later today on April 1st so you get 2 episodes in 1 day! You lucky duck.
God please forgive us for putting Jesus over Pam Anderson's nipples but what can you do.... It's sweeps week!
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PURE FLIX AND DAVID A.R. WHITE SKIP THIS ONE!
God's favourite podcast!
The boys discuss the frick out of Easter and all its great elements. Zach recounts all his religious Easter memories (crowd surfing a giant cross anyone?) and they sort of talk about this week's movie. The movie sucked anyway so it's not a big deal that it barely gets mentioned.
7 am recording sessions bring a weird weird energy to this pure pure show. The boys slowly go insane talking about all their favourite Bible stories and how everything in there totally makes sense and is good!
Judah the Lion is a CGI kids movie about the animals that were at the birth of Jesus and also at his DEATH. Michael Madsen plays a raven!
Share your favourite religious Easter memories with us at pureboyspod@gmail.com or on twitter @pureboyspod. And be sure to give us a 5 star review on Apple Podcasts. We love you! Hoppy Easter!
A cavalcade of guest stars! Victoria Jackson, Robin Givens, Eric Estrada (who definitely would NOT drug a woman). We give you so much bang for your buck this episode. You might be asking... Who invented ice cube trays? Who invented single use bags of ice? Was there anyone more famous than Bill Cosby in the 80's? Why would someone put a dart board behind a plant? We answer ALL of those questions AND MORE! You're welcome. Still waiting on that sponsorship Pureflix...
Also Jonny has requested i put this in here again so for the last time, Eric Estrada is NOT the kind of guy who would drug a woman. That's a true fact. He would NOT do it!
MacsMacsMacsMACSMACSMACSMACS GOOOOOOOO MIGHTY MACS! This week we're talking the Carla Guigino classic "The Mighty Macs". When Cathy Rush is arrested for drunk driving she is sentenced to 100 hours of community service, coaching a college women's basketball team. "Let's get 2 things straight, I hate basketball and I don't like women" she says. But after meeting the colourful cast of lovable ruffians, her heart melts and she coaches the team to victory over the champs, The Golden Hawks coached by HER former coach. "Losing to the Macs? That's a new Hawks record". Only some of that description is wrong!
Be sure to listen to the end and beyond because this episode is like boiling a frog. It starts off pretty standard for the Pure Boys but goes completely off the rails by the end. And there's a real treat post credits for you all.
We love you! Hit us up at pureboyspod@gmail.com and @pureboyspod on Twitter... but only if you're David A.R. White or Pureflix offering us a sponsorship or a show of our own. And be sure to head to Apple Podcasts and give us a 5 star rating/review. We love you!
Certified hunk Antonio Sabato Jr guest stars in this episode as Kate's ex boyfriend Frane. Don't worry, they recognize that Frane is a dumb name in the episode too. Frane and Zane... hopefully that means there's room for a certain Dane to show up too! We FINALLY get to meet Dan and Kate's daughter Emily as well. Zach is not impressed with how she treats the furniture but overall it's a good introduction. Did we mention how much of a hunk Antonio Sabato Jr is? However, the biggest question this episode raises and maybe the most important question ever asked is...
WHO IS SLITHERACHI? WILL WE EVER GET TO SEE HIM PLAY THE PIANO? WHY DIDN'T THEY MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT HIM CALLED "BEHIND THE COBRALABRA"?
slitherachi2012 #freeslitherachi #certifiedhunk
My dog is dead, my wife ran away with my dog, my truck is my dog, my life is turning out LIKE A COUNTRY SONG! The Pure Boys put the "try" in Country this week by watching "Like a Country Song". Billy Ray Cyrus takes his drunk a$$ to the old town road and aches and breaks his heart because he killed his daughter. His son Jake is also a country singer and a drunk and a bit of a diva to be honest. Jake acts a fool this whole movie and totally clowns Becca (his ex even though they only dated for 3 months). Blah blah blah you know the drill, he fricks around and finds out that life ain't worth living unless you're living for the lord.
For more information refer to Matthew 11:28 "Don't frick your son. Your sexy sexy son. I just don't think you'd understand. Cause if you frick your son. Your sexy sexy son. You might find out that you like men... also don't worry about the OTHER implications. Can't nobody tell me nothing!"
We love you. Pureflix where's that sponsorship?
Karl is dead. Long live Karl. Dude broke his neck figure skating. Thats horrific! Episode 2 of Malibu Dan the Family Man is a real treat. Full to the brim with "Boomer Hoomer" and some frail masculinity. Kate is doing Dan's chores, that makes Dan feel pretty insecure but come on man... you locked down a dime! You're a total stud! Also there's a B plot.
Gosh we love this show and we love David A.R. White. We love you
THIS COULD REALLY HAPPEN! AMERICA BABY
Join hosts Jonothon "Ebony Dink" Toylor Toylor and Zachariah "The Goldmember Grandma" Thai Bryant as they discuss the stark warnings contained in Amerigeddon. When the US is plunged into chaos by an EMP blast coordinated by the filthy U.N, one man (Curves founder Gary Heavin) must fly the frick out of his helicopter to restore order and peace. This movie isn't religious but it does put the Buck in Buck Wild so we figured it was worth a watch. That's why its a special and not a regular episode. Da Doi!
“Our story… may never be recorded in the anals of history and our history is now nothing but fond memories of a once great nation. A nation founded by a legion of patriots with a scroll of simple principles. A nation bought and paid for by heroes that were willing to fight and die for her. We are not willing to die for a puppet government run by Demonic Elite. Jefferson was right. The tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time to time by the blood of tyrants and patriots. It may not have been our choice but WE ARE THE NEW PATRIOTS”
Get your ears fixed Gary. We love you. America Baby!
Suck your dink and fly!!! Mission Air is the story of one families decision to constantly break the law in order to help others. Then when they need the law the most, they totally ignore it too. Frick'em. Zach has a tough time with this movie because it stunk and barely had enough God stuff. There is one banger of a line and you'll know it when you hear it! And we've decided to tighten this fricker up because 2 hours of rambling is 2 Much! We love you. Frick you!
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The show nobody asked for. Our mid week freak treat to you. Malibu Dan the Family Man is a Pure Flix original series about Malibu Dan the Family Man.
Join us as we look at the 2019 classic "Heavenly Deposit". Peter Ranos is an IDIOT LOSER whose life is falling apart mostly due to the terrible choices he makes. Like, what kind of IDIOT goes on U.I. to pursue his dreams of being an actor at 45 in the middle of the biggest recession since the 1930's? IDIOT! Him and his jabroni wife need to raise 12k to pay the bank so they don't lose their house. Peter sells literally everything he owns in order to raise the money (often getting underpaid because he's an IDIOT LOSER and doesn't know how to negotiate). Then in the last 5 minutes he gives it all up for God and things work out somehow. The weird thing is that it's portrayed as though God made all these good things happen when in reality they were just the end result of all the ~~hustling~~ panicked scrambling Peter did before turning his life over to God. Whatever, Praise Be! They say our catchphrase "Let's Go Let's God!" so thats pretty dope. Also Frank D'Angelo alumni John Savage is in this so that was a heavenly deposit of its own. We love you!
Creationism vs Evolution. Whoever wins, We lose. We're talking about the 2014 classic "A Matter of Faith". Movies like this are the reason we started this dang podcast to begin with.
Watch as a young girl heads off to college and her ideas on the origin of life and life itself are challenged by a well meaning biology professor. Simply because he follows the curriculum and teaches evolution WITHOUT mentioning creationism, he's labeled dangerous and is the villain on this movie. It all comes down to the most anticlimactic "debate" in movie history. You'll laugh, you'll cry (if people talking about Jesus does that kind of thing to you), you'll question whether your mom looks like an ape!
In our "kick off" episode, we dive into the Kendrick Bros 2006 masterpiece "Facing the Giants". You'll get a pretty good taste as to what Pure Boys has in store for you as the series goes on. We share our Valentines Day rituals, some great Kevin Sorbo tweets and our feelings about the movie Facing the Giants. We love you