The Widowed Parent Podcast: Recent Episodes

Jenny Lisk

Experiencing the profound loss of a spouse while navigating the intricate realm of "only-parenting" is a challenge unlike any other.

Remember, though, you’re not journeying alone. Jenny Lisk, who stepped into solo parenting following the devastating loss of her husband to brain cancer, established the Widowed Parent Institute to shine a light, extend a hand, and share vital resources. The Widowed Parent Podcast embodies that commitment, providing a mix of hope, practical wisdom, and shared experiences.

On The Widowed Parent Podcast, listeners will find:

Expert perspectives from the vanguard of grief and loss research, tailored distinctly for widowed parents.
Heartfelt stories from those who walked through childhood after the death of a parent, granting unique perspective and hope.
Candid conversations with widowed parents, unveiling both the strengths they've discovered and the hurdles they've faced.

Whether you're trying to connect with a young child's emotions, navigate the maze of teenage years, or simply seeking a community that truly understands, this podcast speaks directly to widowed parents of children at every stage, from infancy through college. Plug in during a peaceful walk, your daily commute, or in quiet reflection, and discover inspiration, empowerment, and a community that hears and understands.

Proudly presented by the Widowed Parent Institute, a beacon of practical guidance, invaluable resources, and steadfast support for mothers and fathers raising grieving children and teens.

I had such a great discussion with David Kessler for this episode.

David is one of the world’s foremost experts on grief and loss. He’s also had two very personal losses: the death of his mother when he was just 13, and the death of his younger son when his son was 21.

David has just come out with a brand new workbook, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief Workbook. In our discussion, he shares so much of his wisdom from this workbook, from his personal experiences as a griever, and from his lifetime of work as a grief professional.

Plus: He shares how his first impressions about funerals came from watching Gilligan’s Island as a child.

I know you’ll find David’s insights worthwhile, and his workbook invaluable.

Links & show notes

The Widowed Parent Institute guides the journey of solo parenting after loss. Get free resources for widowed parents and for supporting grieving friends.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Michelle Glogovac for this episode. Michelle lost her dad when she was 7, and I’m so grateful that she was willing to come on and speak with us for this special discussion that is our first episode of this year’s Children’s Grief Awareness Month.

It’s kind of funny how I came to be speaking with Michelle for this. It’s actually a melding of my two professional worlds. Listeners may know that in addition to being an author myself, I work with other nonfiction and memoir authors. Michelle has a new book for authors: all about how to pitch themselves as guests on podcasts, plus lots of other advice related to that topic. I picked up her book as part of that “other” side of my work, my work with authors – and I was surprised when I read early in the book that her dad had died when she was young. I knew I needed to reach out to her and see if she’d be willing to share her experience with us.

I’m so glad she did – and I know you will be too.

Links & show notes

The Widowed Parent Institute guides the journey of solo parenting after loss. Get free resources for widowed parents and for supporting grieving friends.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Amanda-Lee Pitzer for this episode. Amanda-Lee is the author of the new memoir The Relieved Widow.

“Relieved,” you say? Yes, the title is perhaps a bit jarring. But Amanda-Lee is doing readers a service by being open and honest about her story of losing her military husband to suicide when their boys were 8 and 10. She recalls that when her therapist friend pointed out that she seemed to feel relieved, her reaction was, “I’m not allowed to say that. No one can know.”

By talking about her journey, Amanda-Lee gives us permission to talk about the things that are our own realities. She also shares practical tips for navigating the hard conversations with her boys – right after it happened, and in the years to come – that are I think important for all widowed parents to hear.

Links & show notes

The Widowed Parent Institute guides the journey of solo parenting after loss. Get free resources for widowed parents and for supporting grieving friends.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Jeanette Koncikowski for this episode. We first talked five years ago, when Jeanette was my guest way back in episode 10. I invited her back now because she’s out with a brand-new book, Shipwrecked: A Memoir of Widowed Parenting and Life After Loss. It’s a “teaching memoir,” in which Jeanette both shares her family’s journey and explores themes, issues, and questions common to newly widowed parents.

And like our last episode, this is a story where my guest had a complicated situation when their spouse died. Jeanette and her husband Mark had been separated for over a year; when he died, they were dating again and in couples counseling. One of the reasons Jeanette wrote this book and speaks at Camp Widow and other places is that she wants people to understand that not everyone had a perfect marriage when they were widowed.

Plus: Jeanette gives us a gift toward the end of the book, where she interviews her now-teenaged children about their experiences losing their dad and reflecting on the decade since his death.

Links & show notes

The Widowed Parent Institute guides the journey of solo parenting after loss. Get free resources for widowed parents and for supporting grieving friends.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Jessica Waite for this episode. I’ve had a number of listeners recently asking for more discussions with widowed parents who have complicated situations. Or, as one listener put it, “the end-of-life stories that are really ugly.”

One of the gifts Jessica is giving us with her new book is that she’s writing about stuff that not everyone is willing to write about. When her husband died suddenly, she discovered that he was living a secret life. She found too many secrets – all at once – and asked herself: If he lied about all that, what else did he lie about?

In the end, though, The Widows Guide to Dead Bastards is a love story, and it’s about getting to a place of healing and reconciliation when facing the unthinkable.

Links & show notes

The Widowed Parent Institute guides the journey of solo parenting after loss. Get free resources for widowed parents and for supporting grieving friends.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Sara Wingerath-Schlanger for this episode.

Sara is from Tuesday’s Children, which was founded in the wake of 9/11 to serve families affected by that tragedy in 2001, including the 3,051 kids who lost a parent that day. Sara tells us they are one of only three nonprofits started because of 9/11 that are still operating today, and she fills us in on who they serve today and how.

I think you’ll be especially interested in the book Tuesday’s Children put out in 2011, for the 10-year anniversary. The book is called The Legacy Letters: Messages of Life and Hope from 9/11 Family Members, and in it, there are letters from relatives of 100 of the individuals who died that day, including from teens and young adults who were kids when their parents died. It’s a powerful way to hear directly from our young people (and others) about how the loss of their loved ones on September 11 has affected them over that first decade post-loss.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Sara Wingerath-Schlanger.

Links & show notes

The Widowed Parent Institute guides the journey of solo parenting after loss. Get free resources for widowed parents and for supporting grieving friends.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Lisa Keefauver for this episode. You may know Lisa from her popular podcast, Grief is a Sneaky Bitch, and now she has a brand new book out by the same name. In this episode, we talk all about ambiguous losses, disenfranchised grief, how the three most important rules of scuba diving also apply to life—and, of course, the origin of her podcast and its name. Lisa is a widowed parent and a therapist, and her book has “invitational” language, not “instructional” language. I invite you to check it out. And for the Grief Allies out there, Lisa reminds us to remove the words “at least” from our grief support vocabulary and that’ll go a long way toward supporting our friends who are grieving.

Links & show notes

The Widowed Parent Institute guides the journey of solo parenting after loss. Get free resources for widowed parents and for supporting grieving friends.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Ryane Moates for this episode. I love what Ryane is doing with her YouTube channel, Ryane to the Rescue, where she educates on all things home repair, yard care, and more that widowed people find themselves responsible for after the death of their partners. Ryane herself felt so empowered after she started learning and doing all the things her husband used to do around the house – which was all new to her – and she knew she wanted to share this message of hope, healing, and empowerment with other widows.

Check it out - and let me know which video is your favorite!

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Jordan Arogeti for this episode.

Jordan and her company have a new tool called Support Now. It’s a bit like a mashup of some tools you may be familiar with, such as CaringBridge, Go Fund Me, and online meal trains. But it’s SO much more than that.

In preparing to speak with Jordan, I had an “Ah-Ha!” moment:

Support for the newest grievers is all about ORGANIZING and ORIENTING a widowed parent’s own community.

ORGANIZING: Support Now is a comprehensive tool that facilitates exactly this. Listen to my discussion with Jordan for a good overview.

ORIENTING: I have LOTS of thoughts. Some of them you can find now at GriefAllies.com, where you can download my free tips & resources for supporting grieving people. (And stay tuned for more on this!)

In the short term, a widowed parent’s own community is going to be best positioned to help them with urgent and immediate needs. I’m working on ways to make that easier and less awkward. And then, of course, to introduce resources, books, experts, and more who can help after those immediate-term needs have been tended to.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Dr. Linda Shanti McCabe for this episode. We haven’t tackled the topic of art and how it can help with grief on the show before, so I was excited to talk with Linda about that as well as her program called the Art of Grief which is starting soon. Linda is a widowed parent herself, and she’s also a licensed clinical psychologist. Listen, too, as she shares the major change she made shortly after her husband’s death, and what she’s planning as her son prepares for his 13th birthday.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with child life specialist Jessica Correnti this week on the Widowed Parent Podcast. Jessica is the founder of a practice called Kids Grief Support. She is also the author of two picture books for young grievers, including her newest, The ABCs of Grief, which will be available in February 2024.

In this discussion we dive deep on a number of topics, such as: the power of books to help kids see that they are not the only kid with a dead parent; the importance of being honest with kids; examples of clear language to help kids understand what it means when someone dies; what she looks for in a developmentally appropriate grief book for kids; and much more.

So much of our focus at the Widowed Parent Institute is on helping parents learn about children’s grief and how to support their own grieving kids. Today’s guest has so much to share with us on this topic. Be sure to follow Jessica on Instagram, too, where she shares tips and resources about children’s grief.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Dr. Katie Davis for this episode. This week we tackle a thorny parenting topic: screens. The pandemic period of online school, work, play dates, happy hours, fitness classes, therapy sessions, music lessons, and so much more has taught us that asking whether screens and screen time are “good” or “bad” are not necessarily the right questions anymore. Technology has become too central to our lives. Katie is a researcher at the University of Washington who directs the UW Digital Youth Lab and has a new book for parents called “Technology’s Child: Digital Media’s Role in the Ages and Stages of Growing Up.” Plus, she answers that question everyone with young kids want to know: if young kids aren’t supposed to have screen time, what about facetime with grandparents who live 3,000 miles away?

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

Today’s discussion is such an important one. For families who have been touched by suicide losses, for sure – and also for any parents of grieving teens from any death losses. Joanne tells us today about her new film, “Talking Out Loud - Teens & Suicide Loss: A Conversation.” I’ve seen it, and I have to say it’s such a privilege to hear directly from teens about such a sensitive topic. They knew their parents were watching live during the filming, but they apparently all forgot about that and the cameras and they had a really honest, unfiltered discussion. I’d like to thank Joanne and her team for bringing us this incredible film, and also for coming here to speak with us about it this week.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I can’t think of a better way to kick off Children’s Grief Awareness Month than to share my recent discussion with Laurel Braitman, author of the new memoir What Looks Like Bravery. Longtime listeners will recall that I’ve often mentioned what a privilege it is to speak with grown-up grieving kids, and to hear firsthand their experiences and reflections after losing a parent at a young age. What Laurel gives us in this book is an incredibly intimate portrait of her life. She lets us inside, and she allows us to see how grief has affected one now-grown-up grieving child over the decades. Her book and today’s discussion are full of beautiful insights - and I really can’t say enough about how incredible her book is. I don’t usually cry when reading books, but wow, I had a little trouble seeing the words on the last few pages through the tears that were welling up.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Azurae Johnson Redmond for this episode. Azurae is the founder of Young, Black & Widowed Inc and she is also the foreword writer for my new book, out this week: "Widowed Parents Unite: 52 Tips to Get Through the First Year, from One Widowed Parent to Another." I’m thrilled that Azurae and so many other contributing authors are part of this book. Widowed Parents Unite wouldn't be nearly what it is without each and every one of these moms and dads who decided to share their stories with those newer on this widowed parenting path. I know you'll learn so much from Azurae's story, and I hope you check out the resources offered by Young, Black & Widowed.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Mae Yoshikawa for this episode. Mae’s boys were young when her husband died. One was 8 years old, and the other was just 5 months old. Listen in our discussion for the important question Mae asked her older son after her husband died: What if the question right now is not “Why?” This hearkens back to her own experience when her mom became gravely ill when Mae was a young adult.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Gina Moffa for this episode. Gina is a therapist specializing in grief and loss, and she has a brand-new book out this week: Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go: A Modern Guide to Navigating Loss. I was honored to read an advance copy and provide an endorsement for her terrific book.

Perhaps the best way I can introduce our discussion is to share what I wrote about her new book:

“If you don’t have a therapist on speed dial—or even if you do—Gina Moffa’s Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go will walk with you through the disorienting and devastating experience that is grief. Helpfully, she tackles both the inner grief journey and navigating the world at large while grieving. Moffa shares important information on the mind-body connection as it relates to the grief experience, helping us understand how important it is to listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us. An important chapter called ‘Grief’s Sister, Trauma’ is not to be missed. A must-read for those who are grieving the loss of someone close.”

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Phyllis Fagell for this episode. Phyllis just released a brand new book, Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times. We haven’t specifically talked about middle schoolers on the show before, and I knew Phyllis would be just the right person to tackle this with. She’s a parenting author and speaker – and I had to laugh when I saw on her website: “Phyllis has lived through middle school three times: first for herself, then with her kids, and now as a counselor.” She’s a school counselor in Washington, DC, and her first book Middle School Matters could be likened to “what to expect when you’re expecting a middle schooler.”

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Chris Buchanan for this episode. Chris has written a graphic novel for grieving teens and kids – something that is unique among the grief literature. She was inspired to write this book because of a death in her community, and she brought her many years of expertise as a speech-language pathologist to the task of writing this book in order to create a different type of resource for parents and professionals working with grieving children and teens.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Lynn Haraldson for this episode. She was widowed 40 years ago, at the age of 19—with an 11-day-old baby at home. I especially appreciated the longer lens she brings to the experience of being a widowed parent. Her journey has included many twists and turns, and she reflects on it all in her new memoir, An Obesity of Grief. Listen especially for Lynn telling us about her daughter’s high school project, when she reached out to the newspaper in their former small town to learn about the father she never knew.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

We’re trying something a little different today. Or actually: a lot different. We’ve got our first non-human guest on the show. No, I’m not interviewing either of my dogs, Daisy and Penny, although that could get interesting. Today I’m interviewing the artificial intelligence tool ChatGPT.

What is ChatGPT, you ask? I asked it to describe itself briefly, in a non-technical way, and this is what it said:

“ChatGPT is like a digital helper that can talk and write in a human-like way. It's powered by a type of artificial intelligence, and it can help answer your questions, write emails, tutor in a variety of subjects, translate languages, and even write poetry. It's like having a very knowledgeable friend to help you out with all sorts of tasks. This tool was created by OpenAI, a research group focused on making AI technology that benefits everyone. ChatGPT was first made available to the public in 2021.”

So I got to wondering recently whether ChatGPT might have anything useful to say to those of us who are widowed parents. Because if you’re anything like me, you’re trying to figure out how to raise kids after their other parent has died – and you’re realizing this is hard. And – it’s hard to know who can help us figure that out.

This idea came up because a family member of mine has a podcast on a totally different topic, and she interviewed ChatGPT on her show. And my dad spotted it and said to me, hey, maybe there’s something interesting here in relation to your show, too. So I listened to the discussion my aunt, Jo Ann Barefoot, had with ChatGPT on her show, which is called Barefoot Innovation – and it was fascinating. If you’re at all interested in the banking industry, and especially in FinTech and financial regulation, I highly encourage you to listen to her interview with ChatGPT, and to her many other interviews as well.

Anyway, I started to wonder: what would ChatGPT say to my listeners? If I asked it to suggest resources for widowed parents, would it have any? Would those resources be any good? Would it have advice on planning for Father’s Day, for example, since that is right around the corner? Would it be well-versed on kids’ understanding of grief at various ages and developmental stages?

Perhaps most importantly: If I posed a bunch of questions, and I shared them on the show, would I have to interject over and over and let you know where its answers were unhelpful, or even incorrect or dangerous?

I played around a little first, to get a sense of how to use it. And because I was sitting next to my dog when I signed up, my very first question to ChatGPT was: “can you tell me about Tibetan spaniels?” I asked a few more questions about topics that were top-of-mind: recovery from the type of shoulder surgery I recently had, and how to clean my new Trex decking.

Then, it was time to think about what to ask ChatGPT about widowed parenting, and give it a go. Have a listen for yourself, and let me know what you think about how it answers.

A note about the methodology and technology used in this interview. I used the most up-to-date version of ChatGPT, called GPT-4. Because it only takes text input, and answers with text replies, I conducted the interview by typing my questions and reading the answers as they came back. In order to share it with you today, I went back and recorded myself reading my questions out loud, and also fed ChatGPT’s answers into a text-to-speech tool called NaturalReader (the commercial version). I picked a voice named “Aria” and chose the “friendly” option for her tone. I used another AI tool called DALL-E to generate a “headshot” for today’s guest. I had to experiment quite a lot with what type of prompts to give the tool, in plain English, and get the type of image I wanted, and that was fun.

As someone who spent 20 years in the tech world in my prior life, I have to say, this experiment was super interesting. I was blown away with how accurate and useful the answers were to the questions that I posed.

I don’t think that’s necessarily always the case with AI tools, even this one. One criticism I hear is that these tools can create great-sounding answers that are entirely wrong. In this case, I’m able to review the answers before sharing them with you, and if any of the answers had been wrong or even dangerous, I would have addressed that.

As AI tools become more and more widespread, I think it’s important for those of us working in the grief world to realize that the grieving people we serve may begin turning to them for answers. I think it’s important that we understand what’s out there, what may be coming, and what the possibilities and limitations are. We can’t afford to ignore AI – for better or worse, it will likely change the way we do our work in the world, and how grieving people are supported in the years to come.

I hope you enjoy my interview with ChatGPT.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Talia Kovacs for this episode. We talked about an important topic: building resilience in our kids. Listen for Talia explaining what she means when she says resilience is learned, but it can’t be taught. It’s an important nuance that I hadn’t thought about before, and Talia explains to us what this means for us as parents.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Heidi Carson for this episode. Heidi is a fellow widowed parent, and she lost her husband, Chad, when their kids were 12 and 14 due to complications related to a rare telomere disease. I so appreciate Heidi talking with us because I believe that hearing other people’s stories helps us feel so much less alone. Listen for Heidi sharing how getting involved in volunteering and advocacy related to her husband’s disease has helped her in her grief, and how writing fiction has helped, too.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Dr. Lisa Damour for this episode. I always love talking with Lisa, and her books and podcast are incredible resources for parents. I frequently recommend her book Untangled to parents of teen and tween girls, and she’s got a brand new book out this week: The Emotional Lives of Teenagers. In addition to unpacking that topic, we talked about trauma, and also why one of Lisa’s first questions when encountering someone in crisis is to ask whether they are able to sleep. We talked about some options to consider if your teen is refusing to go to therapy, and so much more.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Rabbi Steve Leder for this episode. So great that I may just have to have him back. We talked mostly about his second-most-recent book, The Beauty of What Remains, which I found fascinating and helpful and comforting, all in one. He describes it as both a memoir and a field guide. We talked about what he’s learned working with a thousand grieving families in his thirty years at Wilshire Boulevard Temple, plus what he learned when he lost his own father. Even though Steve is a Rabbi, I found his wisdom applicable to those who practice any religion, or even no religion at all.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Whitney Kobrin for this episode. Whitney is herself widowed, and she really wanted to focus our discussion on giving hope to people who feel stuck. She’s a love coach, but we didn’t talk about dating or relationships—we talked about self-love and self-compassion. We also talked about the advice you may have heard to not make any major changes in the first year. That’s come up on the show before, but we’ve not really explored it too much, and Whitney tells us about her experience with this.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Dr. Elena Lister and Dr. Michael Schwartzman for this episode. I’m going to keep this brief and make just one suggestion: If you’re a widowed parent, buy this book. If you know a widowed parent, buy it for them. Seriously. The stuff the authors cover is exactly the sort of stuff I was wondering about when my husband, Dennis, was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and my kids were 9 & 11. If you don’t know what to say to your kids about death and grief—and let’s be honest, who does?—then do yourself a favor and read Giving Hope: Conversations with Children About Illness, Death, and Loss.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Charlene Lam for this episode. Charlene said she’d like to share with my listeners why she believes we are all curators after a loved one dies. I thought that sounded intriguing, so I invited her on the show. Little did I know I’d end up with some new items on my to-do list! We brainstormed what to do with the pile of old DVDs I have – including all the seasons of Mad Men, which Dennis and I enjoyed together for many years. Listen for Charlene’s reflections and tips for using our loved one’s belongings as a source of connection and healing, and consider dropping into one of her monthly Grief Gallery gatherings on zoom.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Jon Lefrandt for this episode. As we close out Children’s Grief Awareness Month, I’m really excited to share Jon’s story and perspective with you. He lost his dad when he was just 24—and he had to step in and help care for his six younger siblings and help them with their grief, both short term and long term. I know you’ll learn a lot from what Jon has to share with us.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Melissa Williams-Gurian for this episode. I’m grateful Melissa was willing to speak with me because she doesn’t do this work professionally; she shares with us from her own personal experience of losing her mom when she was 15. Perhaps this is around the ages some of our kids were. Talking with people who lost a parent at a young age is always such a privilege. It puts things on my radar screen that I wouldn’t have necessarily thought of. It helps raise my awareness and increase my understanding of what kids go through when they lose a parent, and what their experiences may be like. I hope it helps increase your awareness and understanding, too.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Sandra Began for this episode. Sandra lost her husband to suicide when their boys were nine and eleven. She was really open about just how difficult it is for survivors of suicide loss. This is an important discussion, both for widowed parents who lost their partners to suicide, and for those who love and support them in order to better understand just how hard it can be.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Erin Browning for this episode. It’s Children’s Grief Awareness Month, and we have a little different topic for you this week. We’re talking about being a stepparent who has grieving stepkids when your spouse—their parent—dies. Erin is very thoughtful on this topic, because she’s seen it from both sides: her dad died when she was in college and was married to her stepmother, and now she is stepmother herself to a grieving teen after her partner died.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Kelsey Chittick for this episode. Kelsey is a widowed parent, and in this episode she reflects on losing her husband suddenly. He actually died in front of their kids at the trampoline park, when she was out of the country. Be sure to listen for the part where she shares the most valuable lesson she learned: that she didn’t have to try to fix everything for her kids, but instead she needed to be there and to listen.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Debbie Weiss for this episode. We talk about three different aspects of Debbie’s grief experience: losing her mom at age 10; losing her husband at age 50; and dating in middle-age widowhood. Debbie is the author of the new book Available As Is: A Midlife Widow's Search for Love.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Allison Gilbert for this episode. Allison was my guest back in episode 35, where we talked about her book Passed and Present, and about ways to keep the memory of our loved ones alive.

This week, we talk about her new book, which is called: Listen, World! It’s a biography – and in our discussion we uncovered the important idea that biography is perhaps an under-appreciated tool in terms of grief support. Much like memoir, a great biography can be a window into other people’s grief journeys. In our discussion, we look at how Elsie Robinson, the subject of Listen, World!, chose to build a life for herself in the face of much grief and hardship.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Barri Leiner Grant for this episode. One of the most important takeaways from our discussion is this: grief support comes in different forms, and it’s important to understand some of the options so you can find something that feels right for you.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Meghan Riordan Jarvis for this episode. Meghan is a trauma therapist, and what she had to say about trauma and grief kind of blew my mind. This discussion is one of a special pair of episodes: Meghan and I talked twice in the same week — once for her show, once for mine — so do be sure to listen to both discussions. You can find my interview on Meghan’s Grief is My Side Hustle podcast here.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Adam Carter of the National Alliance for Children’s Grief for this episode. We talked all about how social media can be a helpful tool, plus tips and suggestions for parents when it comes to teen social media use as it relates to grief and grieving.

Check out the word cloud, and then listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast app!

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had a great discussion with Joseph James for this episode. I’m really glad that Joseph reached out to me about coming on the show, because this show is not just for moms. It’s is very definitely for all widowed parents. And I think it’s useful to hear a variety of perspectives, and a variety of styles of grieving, and parenting. And as Joseph tells us, he didn’t feel like parenting came naturally to him, and he felt like he needed to learn how to be a better dad. Check out the word cloud, and then listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast app!

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Paula Harris for this episode. Paula’s financial planning firm specializes in working with widowed people, and she’s also the author of Rise Up: A Widow’s Journal. Check out the word cloud for this episode, and then listen to our full discussion!

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Lisa Valentine Clark for this episode. Lisa is a widowed mom of 5, and she lost her husband two years ago to ALS. Check out the word cloud for this episode, and then listen to our full discussion.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Zibby Owens for this episode. Zibby has a delightful podcast all about books & authors, and a thoughtful new memoir, Bookends, which dives deep into grief.

Some topics Zibby and I discuss include:

Zibby’s podcast, Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books, and some of her favorite grief memoirs;
Her own brand-new memoir, Bookends;
Losing her best friend on 9/11, and the trauma and impact that had on her;
The ‘grief brain’ and brain fog she experienced;
Losing people close to her who left behind young kids;
Her family’s experience with losing loved ones to covid;
All about her grief platform & podcast, Moms Don’t Have Time to Grieve;
Her thoughts on writing a memoir, including feeling vulnerable and having newfound compassion for memoir authors;
Zibby’s tips for aspiring memoir writers; and
Her summer reading pick in case you’d like to distract yourself with a good book.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Zibby Owens.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Kristin Meekhof for this episode. Kristin is an author, and I invited her on the show because she is both widowed herself and is someone who lost a parent at a young age. Plus, this week we have a giveaway, where one lucky winner will get signed copies of both Kristin’s book, A Widow’s Guide to Healing, and my own book, Future Widow. If you’re listening around the time this episode is released, you can enter now through June 11, 2022, at jennylisk.com/giveaway.

Some topics Kristin and I discuss include:

Being born in Korea and adopted by an American family as an infant;
Growing up with her dad having cancer;
Her dad dying when she was almost 5 years old;
That first time her class was making Father’s Day cards;
Her mom getting remarried when she was seven, and being adopted by her step-dad;
Having her last name change to her step-dad’s name, which was her third last name as a young child;
How disorienting and damaging it was for her as a child that her mother refused to talk her father’s death;
Getting to know her father through her uncle and grandmother;
Being afraid as a child that her mother would die, too;
Her own husband dying of cancer when she was 33, and how isolating this experience was;
Why she decided to interview over 100 widowed people and write a book for newly widowed people; and
Why sharing our stories is so important to our healing.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Kristin Meekhof.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Rebecca Soffer for this episode. Rebecca is not a widowed parent, but many widowed parents and others turn to her book and her community, Modern Loss, for support and connection. And now, Rebecca has a brand-new book: The Modern Loss Handbook. It’s a beautiful, full-color book, and Rebecca calls it “an interactive guide to moving through grief and building your resilience.”

Some topics Rebecca and I discuss include:

When she and I met at an event at The Riveter in Seattle on her first book tour, back in 2018;
How lonely and disorienting it was when both her parents died when she was in her early thirties;
Why she founded Modern Loss eight years ago;
Why it’s important to normalize the conversation around grief and loss;
Tips from the Modern Loss Handbook for finding support;
Some ways that grief can impact friendships;
Creating ‘bespoke holidays’ to remember our loved ones; and
Why we should all create our own ‘grief manifesto.’

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Rebecca Soffer.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Kim Murray for this episode. Kim is a widowed parent, and we have so much in common. Her husband died of glioblastoma, as did mine. Her kids were 8 and 10 when he was diagnosed; mine were those ages, too. Most importantly, though, Kim gets real with us. She talks about things people aren’t willing to talk about – including her son’s struggles beginning a few years after his dad died, and the stories she was telling herself about her parenting because of his struggles. She also tells us about all the terrific resources she’s put together over at her website, Widow 411, which I encourage you to check out.

Some topics Kim and I discuss include:

The shock of finding out that her husband had terminal brain cancer;
Talking with her kids about their dad’s diagnosis, and deciding when to tell them his cancer was terminal;
Why she prefers the term ‘solo parent’ rather than ‘single parent;’
Taking her kids to a family grief support program;
Her older son beginning to struggle in 8th grade, about 3 years after his dad died, including self-medicating in an attempt to handle his grief;
Trying to find help for her son, and the doubt and shame she experienced because of his struggles;
Why she started Widow 411; and
The topics she tackles on Widow 411, ranging from grief, to money, to home maintenance and more.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Kim Murray.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Stacy Francis for this episode. Stacy is a certified financial planner who specializes in working with women going through transitions, including becoming widowed. I invited her on the show because this is such an important topic, and it’s helpful to be able to ask an expert our questions about money, taxes, and social security.

Some topics Stacy and I discuss include:

Thinking about the first tax return as a widowed person;
Some differences to know about filing statuses such as Qualified Widow(er), Head of Household, and Single;
Tax breaks for widows that are important to know about;
Why life insurance is an important financial tool;
The importance of planning for retirement;
Social security benefits that widowed people with children are eligible for;
The free guides & checklists that Stacy has available on her website;
Her nonprofit, Savvy Ladies, which offers free financial advice and services for women who need it; and
What is important to know and ask when choosing a financial planner.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Stacy Francis.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Karen Phelps Moyer for this episode. I first learned of Karen’s work because she founded Camp Erin, which is a camp for kids ages 6-17 who are grieving the loss of a loved one, and which runs camps in many locations across the US. Now, Karen is working with widowed people and others to reimagine love after loss. I had the pleasure of talking with her initially back in episode 51, and since dating and potentially looking for a “Chapter 2” is a topic that many widowed people grapple with at some point, I thought it would be a good time to have her back on the show to give us an update.

Some topics Karen and I discuss include:

Why it may be easier to think about “finding adult company” rather than “dating;”
Sometimes it’s helpful to “release and replace” thoughts that are not working for us;
Why she believes that everyone can “reimagine love;”
There’s no need to take down your pictures just because you’re bringing someone new into the house;
Talking to your kids about dating;
How zoom chats can help you get a better sense of a person that messaging online; and
The importance of working on yourself as you begin considering reimaging love.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Karen Phelps Moyer.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Maria Vassiliou for this episode. Maria lost her mom when she was just two years old. As an adult, she’s studied thanatology and started a podcast dedicated to exploring and expanding the conversation about death. Her podcast is called Philotimo Life.

Some topics Maria and I discuss include:

Maria and her dad moving in with her dad’s parents a few years after her mom died;
Why she avoided talking about death or about her mom for many years growing up;
How hard it was as a child to deal with other people’s pity and awkwardness when they learned about her mom’s death;
How much she appreciates that her dad talked with her teachers ahead of each new school year;
Using some of the storylines in Disney movies to start conversations with your kids;
Her thoughts on the conventional wisdom ‘kids are resilient’;
Why she decided to study thanatology and to start a podcast talking about death; and
Why she believes we need a human-centered approach to grief and bereavement.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Maria Vassiliou.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Sherri Fisher for this episode. Sherri is a learning specialist who has worked both in schools and in private practice. I wanted to invite her to the show this week because she has so much wisdom and experience to share with us on the topic of support for kids who are struggling in school. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like the world of education has gotten more complicated than when I was growing up. This is one of those episodes that is not grief-specific, but rather has general parenting information and support for us as parents.

Some topics Sherri and I discuss include:

Why the ‘effort myth’ is a myth;
What are the three gifts of motivation, and why each is important;
Why kids may struggle in school despite having at least normal intelligence;
Why trying harder isn’t necessarily the answer;
Challenges students have with organizing their work in today’s digital school environment;
Why we should not jump to the conclusion that kids are being lazy if they are not completing their work or not turning it in;
Suggestions for coaching your own child;
The importance of effective communication with your child’s teachers, including tips for this;
Five types of allies for your child; and
The companion workbook for the Effort Myth, available at Sherri’s website.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Sherri Fisher.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Heather Stang for this episode. Heather is founder of the Mindfulness & Grief Institute, where she facilitates Awaken, a mindfulness-based online grief group, offers individual sessions, and hosts the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast. Even though we recorded this discussion some months back, I think it’s a great time right now, with the new year having just started, to have a listen, and consider learning a bit about mindfulness and perhaps even adopting a mindfulness practice.

Some topics Heather and I discuss include:

Why she created a guided journal, and why it’s helpful for grieving people;
Her eight-step mindfulness and grief process;
The physical experiences of grief;
Intuitive grievers and instrumental grievers;
Why her first goal in working with grieving people is to help them be able to sleep;
What are mindfulness and meditation, and their relationship to one another;
How mindfulness can help you learn to respond rather than react; and
Why guided mediation can be helpful, especially if you’re not sure how to get started.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Heather Stang.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Katarina Salisbury for this episode. This is the second episode in a two-part series with the Salisbury family—Katarina is with us this week, and last week we spoke with her mom, Leila. I hope you had a chance to catch that discussion—listeners are telling me it was a powerful one. Katarina is just 15 years old, and she lost her dad when she was 5. She’s very articulate and she’s passionate about helping grieving kids and teens. It was so great to hear her reflections and perspectives and to be able to share those with you today. It’s such a privilege to be able to hear directly from a teen, and I hope it will help those of us who are widowed parents try to better understand our kids’ experiences.

Some topics Katarina and I discuss include:

Learning that her dad died by suicide, rather than a car accident, when she was 8 or 9—a few years after his death;
How much she appreciated the kids grief program she went to when she was younger;
Feeling like her dad’s suicide must have been her fault;
Being labeled ‘the kid with the dead dad’ at school;
Feeling embarrassed and singled out when teachers would remind the whole class that her dad had died recently;
Navigating telling people at her new school, after she moved to another state, about her dad;
Losing her grandmother in middle school, and how that was much harder than she expected;
Struggling at school because of her grief;
Her plans to be involved in leading peer-to-peer teen grief support groups;
How she and her mom have acknowledged her dad’s birthdays and death anniversaries;
Being upset that one year her dad’s birthday passed without acknowledgment;
Wishing that she had told her mom more about what she was going through; and
Deciding that she wants to become an adolescent psychiatrist based on her experiences.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Katarina Salisbury.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Leila Salisbury for this episode. This is the first episode of a two-part series with the Salisbury family – Leila is with us this week, and next week we’ll speak with her 15-year-old daughter, Katarina, for part two of the series. It’s going to be so great to hear from both of them, and hear their different perspectives and reflections on the loss of the same person: Leila’s husband and Katarina’s dad.

Some topics Leila and I discuss this week include:

Reflecting on how she initially shared at grief group that her husband died in a car accident, when he actually died by suicide;
Wishing she’d told her then-five-year-old daughter the truth from the outset, and how she ultimately did talk with her about it;
The guilt she felt because she had wanted to divorce her husband before he died;
The pressure she felt to ‘curate’ her husband’s memory for their daughter;
Her mom’s death a few years later, and how that was a very different experience of grief for her;
How she and her now teen daughter have gotten to the point where they are having the hard conversations;
How it was surprisingly hard to navigate the support options for her daughter; and
Deciding to start a grief center in Lexington, Kentucky.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Leila Salisbury.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Lane Pease Hendricks and Nancy Kriseman from Kate’s Club for this episode. Lane and Nancy have a brand new book for widowed parents and others who are raising grieving kids. They are with Kate’s Club, a leading grief program for kids and families, so they really know their stuff. I am so excited to bring you this discussion to kick off this year’s Children’s Grief Awareness Month.

Some topics Lane and Nancy and I discuss include:

Myths and facts about grief;
How different types of losses can sometimes lead to different types of grief reactions;
The importance of being honest with kids, including some examples of language to use;
That it’s ok for adults to show their feelings to their kids, and that it’s important to model that we can be both sad and that we can cope;
The importance of finding a circle of support;
Suggestions for talking with both teenagers and younger kids;
The importance of not ‘parentifying’ teens;
Why it’s important for parents to make room for their own grief;
The need to reassure kids of all ages that their parent’s death is not their fault;
Kids re-grieving as they grow and experience developmental milestones; and
What it means to develop continuing bonds with our deceased loved ones.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Lane Pease Hendricks and Nancy Kriseman.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Joy Imboden Overstreet for this episode. Joy is a widowed parent, and is in fact the person who is farthest out from their loss that we’ve had on the show. She was widowed 47 years ago, when her kids were just 3 & 6 years old. I think it’s really helpful to hear her perspectives and reflections after many years.

Some topics Joy and I discuss include:

The shock of her 29-year-old husband being diagnosed with testicular cancer when her kids were 1 and 4 years old;
Feeling angry after he died, followed by shame and self-loathing;
Hiring a male nanny for her young kids;
Meeting her second husband 8 years after her first husband died;
Her older son becoming ‘super dad’ after his first child was born as a reaction to missing out on experiences with his own dad;
Her daughter exploring feelings of abandonment as an adult in relation to losing her dad; and
Planning to have discussions now with her adult kids, 47 years after their loss, about things they never talked about—and realizing that it’s never too late to talk about it.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Joy Imboden Overstreet.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Mari Marquez for this episode. It was so much fun talking to Mari twice over the course of a few days – once for her show, and once for mine. It really was lovely to connect with her and hear all about her experiences, and also her blog, podcast, and children’s book, all of which bring badly-needed resources to widowed parents. And, importantly, she was very honest in our discussion about how very hard it was for her right after her husband died, and how much she struggled. This can be a real issue, and I’m grateful Mari was willing to talk about it.

Some topics Mari and I discuss include:

Losing her husband, Alex, in a terrible burn accident when their daughter was just 13 months old;
Feeling lost in the following months, and almost ending her own life;
Realizing that she needed to seek support;
Wondering how she would explain to her baby that her dad had died;
Finding resources from the National Alliance for Children’s Grief;
Starting her blog, embracingwidowhood.com, in order to help other young widows find resources;
Her thoughts on the difference between solo parenting and single parenting;
Learning that she can’t ignore her daughter’s grief, even though sometimes people think it won’t affect her because she is so young; and
Why she wrote a children’s picture book about grief.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Mari Marquez.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Joanne Harpel for this episode. We talk about a really difficult topic today: coping after losing a loved one to suicide. It seems that many people are uncomfortable talking about death in general … and even more uncomfortable when talking about suicide. This is a topic we haven’t specifically covered yet on the show, although it’s come up sometimes in the context of broader conversations, and I’ve had requests from listeners to talk about it. I’m so grateful that Joanne was willing to come on the show and speak with us about it now, during Suicide Prevention Month. She’s an internationally renowned expert on the topic, and has so much good information to share with us.

Some topics Joanne and I discuss include:

Some ways suicide loss differs from other types of loss;
Tips for answering the inevitable questions from people;
How suicide loss can be complicated for families;
Why it’s important to be honest with kids about suicide loss, rather than attempting to hide it from them;
How Joanne explained her brother’s suicide to her son when he was three;
The fact that it is safe to ask someone a direct question about whether they are suicidal;
How the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can help someone who is feeling suicidal, or can help a family member / friend who is concerned about a loved one;
What the crisis text line is, and how it can help; and
The support groups that Joanne runs on zoom for survivors of suicide loss.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Joanne Harpel.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Bryan Jung for this episode. Bryan’s dad died when Bryan was just shy of 11 years old. Bryan is in his 20’s now and has started a creative platform, This is Why, which offers people who lost a parent at a young age a place to tell their stories.

Some topics Bryan and I discuss include:

How his dad was shot by a lawyer going up against him in a court case when Bryan was just 9 years old, and then his dad dying from this shooting when Bryan was nearly 11;
Grieving while also having to deal with the media attention and legal activity involved;
Re-grieving as he’s gotten older and been able to process and understand more than he could when he was younger;
Developing an anxiety disorder in his teen years from this experience;
Developing empathy and sympathy at a young age;
Their family getting a puppy at the recommendation of his therapist;
Getting involved with Camp Erin as a volunteer when he was a young adult; and
Why he decided to start his creative platform, This is Why.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Bryan Jung.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

LIVE with Joyal Mulheron of Evermore (8/30/2021). Joyal explains that Bereavement Leave is not protected by US Law, meaning a person can be fired if they take even one day of leave when someone close to them dies. The next 10 days are a critical opportunity to get new legislation written to address this. And WE ALL can help. Here is how to call 16 Senators who are critical to getting this done: https://live-evermore.org/protect-our-jobs-congress/ -=-=-=-=-

Find all episodes of the Widowed Parent Podcast & widowed parenting resources: https://widowedparentpodcast.com

Tips for widowed parents: https://jennylisk.com/top10

Tips for allies of grieving people: https://www.jennylisk.com/allies

I had such a great discussion with Ann Locke Davidson and Pamela Sheffield for this episode. Ann and Pam are educational consultants with a practice called Educational Connections in Portland, Oregon. Don’t worry if you’re not in Oregon -- they have extensive experience working with families all over the United States, and some outside the US as well.

I wanted to talk with Ann and Pam today about a topic that can be difficult: what are some options if your teen is really struggling -- and outpatient therapy and other local resources just aren’t helping?

Some topics Ann and Pam and I discuss include:

The types of situations that lead people to call them for more help;
How they go about determining what sort of help might be most appropriate;
Understanding some placement options, such as psychiatric hospitals, residential treatment centers, therapeutic boarding schools, and wilderness programs;
Examples of some different types of therapeutic boarding schools;
What is the ‘milieu’ and why is it important; and
How educational consultants can help evaluate and recommend appropriate options.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Anne Locke Davidson and Pamela Sheffield.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I’m so glad to be back behind the microphone for this, Episode 100!

The podcast has been on hiatus for a couple of months as I’ve been juggling a number of other things — and what a great time to be back.

I feel like it’s time to reflect a bit.

To share with you why I started this podcast.

And, most importantly, to bring you messages from some of the widowed parents I’ve interviewed on the show over the past few years.

I hear so often from widowed parents that they feel lost and alone.

They don’t know anyone else who is widowed with kids or teens in their neighborhood or their kids’ school communities.

So, I’ve looked at all 100 episodes recorded to date, and I’ve pulled clips from eleven of my guests for today’s show. These are seasoned widowed parents. People who are down the path a bit, and have some reflections to share with all of us.

I hope you enjoy this Special Episode: Best of Show, Part 1: Conversations with Widowed Parents.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $20 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show - Buy Me a Coffee

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Melissa Pierce for this episode. Melissa is a widowed parent, an author, and a self-care advocate. She has two sons, and her older son really struggled as a teen so be sure to listen for that part of our discussion if you’re facing a similar situation.

Some topics Melissa and I discuss include:

Melissa and her husband, Dave, adopting their two sons from the Oregon foster care system;
Moving their family from Portland to a small town in Eastern Oregon;
The traumatic shock of finding her husband dead after he’d gone to bed the night before feeling just a little unwell;
Making major changes in her life right away, despite all the grief literature suggesting one should not do this;
How the small town they lived in rallied to support Melissa and her boys after Dave died;
Finding The Dougy Center after she moved back to Portland;
How her grief therapy ended up dipping in and out of personal development therapy;
How her older son began to struggle that he so much that needed more help than could be provided locally;
Making the decision to send her teenage son to a wilderness therapy program and then to Boys Town;
Deciding to remarry;
How self-care changed her life; and
Melissa’s book recommendations for widows.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Melissa Pierce.

Listeners: get a 10% discount on Melissa's self-care subscription boxes at filledwithgold.org - use discount code WIDOWEDPARENT.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Jessica Lahey for this episode. Jess is a bestselling parenting author, and her first book is called The Gift of Failure. Today we talk about her second book, out this week, called The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. This is such an important topic, especially with the rising rates of teen mental health issues that we were seeing even before the pandemic. The book is very well researched, but it’s not a dry academic tome; Jess weaves in stories from her own life as well as stories of real teens and the challenges they face.

Some topics Jess and I discuss include:

When the experts say “substance abuse is preventable,” what does this mean?
How genetics, epigenetics, and environment work together to affect a person’s risk of substance abuse;
How Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) come into play here;
Balancing risk factors against protective factors;
Risks of substances on adolescent brains that are still developing;
The importance of talking to kids and teens about brain development and how their brains work;
Why the “Just Say No” and “Scared Straight” approaches are not effective;
Why parents can’t assume that this topic is being adequately addressed at school;
When to start conversations related to substance abuse prevention with our kids;
Tips for having these discussions; and
Why her bottom-line message for parents is “delay, delay, delay.”

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Jessica Lahey.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Dara Kurtz for this episode. Dara is the author of “I Am My Mother’s Daughter: Wisdom on Life, Loss, and Love.” We talked about intentionally creating your legacy and family traditions. And, we dive deep on the topic of letter writing: why it’s important, along with lots and lots of tips from Dara.

Some topics Dara and I discuss include:

Why she named her blog “Crazy Perfect Life;”
The bag of letters from her childhood that she re-discovered after her mom died;
The three different types of letters: Just Because letters; Special Occasion letters; and Legacy letters;
Tips for writing each of these types of letters;
The mother-daughter journals Dara kept with her kids; and
Family traditions as a link between the past, present, and future.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dara Kurtz.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Karen Paul for this episode. Karen is a widowed mom who lives in the Washington, DC, area. Her husband, like mine, died of glioblastoma – and as we compared notes, we realized our husbands were sick at the exact same time. As I said to her, I think we could have talked all afternoon, about the similarities and differences in our experiences. Listen for Karen telling us all about her year of “defiance,” when she did all the things they say not to do in the first year of widowhood.

Some topics Karen and I discuss include:

Hearing about glioblastoma for the first time when Beau Biden died of it -- just before her own husband was diagnosed with the same thing;
The beautiful post Sheryl Sandberg made 30 days after her husband died, which came out on the same day Karen’s husband was diagnosed;
Becoming a full-time caregiver from the very beginning of her husband’s illness, and how this shifted her relationship with her husband;
The acts of ‘defiance’ she embraced in her first year of widowhood;
The memorial tattoos she and her kids all got;
Getting a dog during that first year of grieving;
Changing jobs after her husband died;
Unexpectedly meeting a new partner;
Learning to accept the duality so common in widowhood that two things can be true and that’s ok;
Burning out in the second year of widowhood, and how she dealt with that;
Getting support from a local organization, Caring Matters, and subsequently joining their Board of Trustees; and
Thinking deliberately about how she wants to rebuild her life.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Karen Paul.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Mira Simone for this episode. Mira is a widowed parent and a grief writer living in Toronto, Canada. She began writing the very evening her husband was diagnosed with cancer, and hasn’t stopped. Mira is now raising her young daughter as a solo parent, and she also has experience with both grief therapy and trauma therapy to share with us.

Some topics Mira and I discuss include:

Beginning to write in her journal the night she and her husband found out he had cancer;
How she coped with the shock and trauma of losing her husband;
What writing has meant to her in her grief;
How starting to share her writing helped give her a sense of purpose;
Deciding to start her young daughter in preschool for the first time, and how the pandemic affected that;
Coming to understand that she has experienced trauma around her loss;
Her experiences with both grief therapy and trauma therapy;
Coming to accept that some other adults would now play a larger role in her daughter’s life because her dad had died; and
Trying to spread a message of self-compassion and self-love to other grieving people through her writing.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Mira Simone.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://grief.coach/jennylisk/

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Melissa Gould for this episode. Melissa is the author of the brand-new memoir, Widowish, in which she shares with us her journey to becoming a young widow, and her life in the years since. It was so fun to talk with Melissa about her book, and discover the similarities – and differences – in our experiences.

Some topics Melissa and I discuss include:

Melissa’s new memoir, Widowish … and why she named it that;
Her husband Joel’s diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, and their years of dealing with that;
The odd symptoms he came down with several years later, and the three weeks he was in the hospital before he died;
Melissa’s reflections on her first months as a widowed person and widowed parent;
Feeling like she couldn’t relate to other widowed people at first;
Starting to write about her experience as a widow a few years later, and realizing how healing it was for her;
Pulling together a group of younger widowed people for social gatherings;
Beginning to date the neighborhood guitar teacher, who would become her new love; and
Melissa’s reflections on starting a new love in midlife, and how it can be different from love the first time around.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Melissa Gould.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Grief Coach - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: grief.coach/sign-up/JENNYLISK

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Pamela Addison for this episode. Pamela is a widowed mom of two young children whose healthcare-worker husband lost his life to COVID-19 in the early weeks of the pandemic. She has since started an active Facebook group for other younger women and men who have lost their spouses to COVID-19.

Some topics Pamela and I discuss include:

Her husband’s experience contracting COVID-19 in the early weeks of the pandemic, and the 26 days he spent in the hospital;
How one of the hardest parts of losing a loved one to Covid is not being able to be with them in the hospital, and how helpless this made her feel;
Her plans to celebrate her husband’s life sometime in the future, after she can include the many people whose lives he touched;
How getting a card in the mail from another young Covid widow led to her eventually starting a Facebook group for younger Covid widows;
Common challenges and concerns of young Covid-widowed people; and
New York Life’s Brave of Heart Fund for spouses and children of health care workers who lose their lives due to the pandemic.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Pamela Addison.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with KJ Dell’Antonia for this episode. KJ is the former editor of the New York Times’ Motherlode blog, and the author of “How to Be a Happier Parent.” I mean, who wouldn’t want to try to be happier in their role as a parent? And to my widowed parent listeners, especially: I figure we can use all the hints and tips we can get, now that we are doing this parenting job by ourselves.

Some topics KJ and I discuss include:

Why she decided to write this book;
Some of her favorite mantras for parenting;
Why family dinner is important, and what can be difficult about it;
Why ‘discipline’ is one of the least-liked parenting jobs, and how to think differently about it;
Chores, how to think about them, and tips for parents;
Why you’ll be a happier parent if you embrace “fair doesn’t mean equal;” and
Her new novel, “The Chicken Sisters,” in which one of the protagonists is a widowed parent of teens.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with KJ Dell’Antonia.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

Widowed Parent Podcast LIVE with Widowhood & We-Freshments! Such a fun discussion. Be sure to check out their show!

https://www.facebook.com/WidowhoodWeFreshments/

-=-=-=-=-

Find all episodes of the Widowed Parent Podcast & widowed parenting resources:

https://widowedparentpodcast.com

Tips for widowed parents: https://jennylisk.com/top10

Tips for allies of grieving people: https://www.jennylisk.com/allies

I had such a great discussion with Maria Collins of the New York Life Foundation and Chelsea Prax from the American Federation of Teachers for this episode. New York Life and the AFT recently teamed up to do a new survey about grief and grief support in schools in order to especially understand what the challenges are right now during this pandemic.

Some topics Maria and Chelsea and I discuss include:

Findings of the new survey on grief in schools from New York Life Foundation and the American Federation of Teachers;
Some challenges and struggles teachers are seeing in their classrooms due to the pandemic;
How parents can partner with their child’s teachers to help their child;
Bereavement training for teachers available from the AFT; and
Resources for parents and teachers from the New York Life Foundation.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Maria Collins and Chelsea Prax.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Marny Williams-Balodis for this episode. Marny is a widowed parent, and is the cofounder and executive director of Hummingbird Centre for Hope in the Toronto, Canada, area.

Some topics Marny and I discuss include:

Getting through the first year as a widowed parent of a 3-year-old and 3-month-old;
Needing to explain to her 3-year-old over and over that his dad died, and what that meant;
Kids needing to grieve again and again as they move through developmental milestones;
How kids’ understanding of loss grows and changes over the years;
Taking her daughter on a “trip to meet her dead dad;”
Why she didn’t take both kids on the same trip;
Why she started Hummingbird Centre for Hope; and
Hummingbird’s programs for widowed parents.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Marny Williams-Balodis.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

LIVE with Viki Brown of Dustin's Place (Plymouth, Indiana) for Children's Grief Awareness Month.

More info: https://dustinsplace.org/

-=-=-=-=-

Find all episodes of the Widowed Parent Podcast & widowed parenting resources: https://widowedparentpodcast.com

Tips for widowed parents: https://jennylisk.com/top10

Tips for allies of grieving people: https://www.jennylisk.com/allies

LIVE with Ryan Loiselle of FRIENDS WAY (Warwick, RI) for Children's Grief Awareness Month.

-=-=-=-=-

Find all episodes of the Widowed Parent Podcast & widowed parenting resources: https://widowedparentpodcast.com

Tips for widowed parents: https://jennylisk.com/top10

Tips for allies of grieving people: https://www.jennylisk.com/allies

LIVE with Julianne Green of The Den for Grieving Kids (Fairfield County, CT) for Children's Grief Awareness Month.

-=-=-=-=-

Find all episodes of the Widowed Parent Podcast & widowed parenting resources: https://widowedparentpodcast.com

Tips for widowed parents: https://jennylisk.com/top10

Tips for allies of grieving people: https://www.jennylisk.com/allies

LIVE with Paul Rubin of Camp Good Mourning! (Long Island, New York) for Children's Grief Awareness Month.

-=-=-=-=-

Find all episodes of the Widowed Parent Podcast & widowed parenting resources: https://widowedparentpodcast.com

Tips for widowed parents: https://jennylisk.com/top10

Tips for allies of grieving people: https://www.jennylisk.com/allies

LIVE with Corrie Sirota of Myra's Kids Foundation (Montreal, Quebec) for Children's Grief Awareness Month.

More info: https://myraskids.ca/

-=-=-=-=-

Find all episodes of the Widowed Parent Podcast & widowed parenting resources:

https://widowedparentpodcast.com

Tips for widowed parents:

https://jennylisk.com/top10

Tips for allies of grieving people:

https://www.jennylisk.com/allies

I had such a great discussion with Natalie Adams for this episode. Natalie is the teenage founder of the website Teenage Grief Sucks.

Some topics Natalie and I discuss include:

Losing her dad when she was a freshman in high school;
Why she started Teenage Grief Sucks;
Topics that she tackles on the site;
Tips for talking with teachers about your loss;
Things she wishes people knew about teen grief;
Coping tips for grieving teens;
Her favorite online grief resources; and
How other teens can submit their grief-related stories and other creative expression.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Natalie Adams.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Sherrie Dunlevy for this episode. Sherrie is the author of “How Can I Help? Your Go-To Guide for Helping Loved Ones Through Life’s Difficulties.” It was great to talk with her about how friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors can help the grieving people in their lives.

Some topics Sherrie and I discuss include:

The number one thing that people she interviewed said their friends did that was helpful to them in their grief;
Common reasons people don’t reach out to a grieving friend;
Why you shouldn’t base your decision to attend the funeral on how well you knew the deceased person;
Her thoughts on what to say if you really don’t know what to say;
Practical ideas for supporting grieving friends; and
Her new podcast and Facebook group, Graduating Grief.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Sherrie Dunlevy.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Karen Phelps Moyer for this episode. Karen is the co-founder of the Eluna Network and Camp Erin, both of which are terrific resources for widowed parents and have been serving grieving families for many years now.

More recently, Karen is the founder of Elite TLC, which specializes in dating support for widowed people, and others who may be thinking of dating after death or devastating loss. I’ve had listener requests to do an episode on dating as a widowed parent, and I’m so glad Karen was able to join us for this.

Some topics Karen and I discuss include:

What has changed in the dating world in the last decade or two;
Common concerns and complications for widowed parents dating;
How working with a dating coach can be helpful;
Dating during the pandemic;
Safety considerations when meeting new people;
Thoughts on navigating dating concerns kids may have; and
Reimagining love in midlife.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Karen Phelps Moyer.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Hope Edelman for this episode. You may be familiar with Hope’s work, as she wrote the groudbreaking book “Motherless Daughters” back in the 1990s, and has been writing, speaking, and leading workshops on grief ever since. She has a brand-new book out, and it’s called “The AfterGrief: Finding Your Way Along the Long Arc of Loss.” It’s for all grieving people—not just those who experienced early mother loss—and it dives deep on the impact of grief across the lifespan. I learned so much from reading The AfterGrief. In fact, I’ll probably read it again, to let it sink in a bit more. I hope you’ll check it out, too.

Some topics Hope and I discuss include:

Her desire to debunk the myth that one should be “over” their grief if it occurred many years ago;
What she learned by interviewing 80+ people on their long-term experiences with grief;
How long-term bereavement different is from the grief that people experience immediately after a death;
The "Grief Trinity" -- New Grief, Old Grief, and New Old Grief;
Hope’s Three Rings of Grief;
What is complicated grief, and how it is different from AfterGrief;
The Dual Process Model of bereavement;
How sometimes we reframe our stories of loss many years later; and
Resources and events that Hope has available on her website.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Hope Edelman.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Dr. BJ Miller for this episode. BJ is a hospice and palliative care physician and he has worked with many patients who are seriously ill, or dying. He has such a unique and important perspective to share with us about death and about life, as well as practical information about palliative care, hospice, and navigating serious illness. I found him to be such a thoughtful guest. After you listen to our discussion, be sure to check out his TED talk—it’s a must-watch.

Some topics BJ and I discuss include:

What he feels death has to teach us about life;
How his own injury and near-death experience changed his career trajectory and led him into medicine;
What is palliative care, and how does it relate to hospice;
Examples of how palliative care can be helpful;
Why his book, A Beginner’s Guide to the End, has a chapter called “Love, Sex, and Relationships;”
What to expect if you engage hospice;
What is the ‘respite care’ benefit of hospice; and
Services BJ is providing through Mettle Health to make palliative care more accessible to all.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. BJ Miller.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Melissa d’Arabian for this episode. Today we round out Suicide Prevention Month by talking about Melissa’s reflections and perspective as someone who lost her mom to suicide when she was in college. Melissa has appeared many times on the Food Network, first as the season five winner of “The Next Food Network Star,” then as the host of her own show, “Ten Dollar Dinners,” and more recently on several of their other shows. I first remember watching her on “The Next Food Network Star” and rooting for her to win, as she was so relatable to those of us who are busy parents trying to feed their family day in and day out. It is because of her work as an advocate for suicide awareness that I invited her on this show this week. Of course, we do talk about feeding families a bit, too, as that is also something that widowed parents deal with every night of the week.

Some topics Melissa and I discuss include:

Some memories of her mom, including learning to love food and cooking from her;
How the scaffolding of her entire life collapsed after her mom died;
Wishing she had an adult to provide guidance, including on practical matters like paying for school;
Learning to cherish female friendships in the years after her mom died;
The difference between “Happiness” and “happiness;”
The fact that people tend to talk about suicide in whispers, and how important it is to talk about it openly instead;
Melissa’s thoughts on the struggle often faced by busy parents to get dinner on the table every night;
Some tips for simple, nutritious, mood-supporting foods that can easily be incorporated into our busy lives; and
Her role advocation for suicide awareness with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Melissa d’Arabian.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Joanne Harpel for this episode. We talk about a really difficult topic today: coping after losing a loved one to suicide. It seems that many people are uncomfortable talking about death in general … and even more uncomfortable when talking about suicide. This is a topic we haven’t specifically covered yet on the show, although it’s come up sometimes in the context of broader conversations, and I’ve had requests from listeners to talk about it. I’m so grateful that Joanne was willing to come on the show and speak with us about it now, during Suicide Prevention Month. She’s an internationally renowned expert on the topic, and has so much good information to share with us.

Some topics Joanne and I discuss include:

Some ways suicide loss differs from other types of loss;
Tips for answering the inevitable questions from people;
How suicide loss can be complicated for families;
Why it’s important to be honest with kids about suicide loss, rather than attempting to hide it from them;
How Joanne explained her brother’s suicide to her son when he was three;
The fact that it is safe to ask someone a direct question about whether they are suicidal;
How the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can help someone who is feeling suicidal, or can help a family member / friend who is concerned about a loved one;
What the crisis text line is, and how it can help; and
The support groups that Joanne runs on zoom for survivors of suicide loss.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Joanne Harpel.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Lauren Schneider for this episode. When Lauren and I talked back in episode 79, together with Maria Quiban Whitesell, we didn’t have a chance to talk about the programs at OURHOUSE Grief Support Center in Los Angeles. I invited Lauren back to talk with us about that, as well as some other topics I’ve been getting questions from listeners about.

Some topics Lauren and I discuss include:

Why it’s so important for kids and teens to know the truth about the circumstances of their parent’s death, including in cases that are difficult to talk about, such as suicide;
Why being able to trust their surviving parent is critical to kids’ ability to develop future close and trusting relationships;
Tips for telling kids the truth later if that didn’t happen initially;
Lauren’s Golden Rule – if a child is old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to hear the answer;
The first 90 days as a widowed parent; and
The programs at OURHOUSE Grief Support Center, for families in the Los Angeles area.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Lauren Schneider.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Lily Safani for this episode. Lily is the CEO of Gilda’s Club New York City, and Gilda’s Club supports, educates, and empowers cancer patients and their families.

They are affiliated with a network of organizations called Cancer Support Community, so if you’re not in New York, I’d encourage you to check out where their nearest location is, if your family, or someone you know, has lost someone to cancer, or if someone you know has a cancer diagnosis, they also have support and resources for them and their caregivers and kids.

Some topics Lily and I discuss include:

How Gilda’s Club got started;
Who is served by Gilda’s club;
Their resources, including support groups, networking groups, individual counseling, workshops, and lectures;
Their Junior Ambassador Program for teens;
Their Open to Options program; and
How to find an affiliated program if you are not located in New York City.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Lily Safani.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a useful and fascinating discussion with Dr. Lisa Damour for this episode. Lisa is a clinical psychologist and is the New York Times bestselling author of "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood," and the brand-new "Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls."

I’m very glad to bring you my discussion with Lisa for this episode. One of the questions I hear a lot is “how do I know if something is a grief issue or a normal teenage issue?” I figure, since she’s an expert in teenage girls, who better to help us understand our daughters, and to help us understand what “normal” looks like. And then, when we have a better grasp on what’s normal, we can also better understand when we should potentially be concerned.

Lisa and I talked about a wide range of topics:

The seven developmental tasks that teenagers are working on;
Parting with childhood, including what this looks like and when to be concerned;
Joining a new tribe, including why having 1-2 close friends at this age is actually preferable to having a large circle of friends;
Harnessing emotions, including how teenagers’ brains undergo a massive upgrade, beginning with the emotion centers;
Why parents need to be strong enough to withstand their teenager pushing away, and why this is complicated by bereavement;
Serving as the emotional dumping ground for your teenager; and
How stress and anxiety are normal and healthy functions for all people, teenagers included.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. Lisa Damour.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Maria Quiban Whitesell and Lauren Schneider for this episode. Maria and Lauren have just written a book called “You Can’t Do It Alone: A Widow’s Journey Through Loss, Grief, and Life After.” The book is a memoir based on Maria’s journey with her late husband’s brain cancer – which is, of course, a subject near and dear to my heart. Lauren adds her professional perspective throughout the book in sections called “Grief Therapist’s Notebook.”

Some topics that Maria and Lauren and I discuss include:

How Maria’s husband acting oddly on a trip to Paris prompted him to see a doctor, which led to his diagnosis of inoperable, terminal brain cancer;
How critical her family therapist during this whole journey, including helping Maria and Sean figure out how to talk with their son about his dad’s cancer;
Why it’s so important to be honest with kids, no matter how difficult the situation is;
The rule of thumb that if a child is old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to hear the answer;
Tip: a grief support center can be a great resource for getting a referral to a therapist who is experienced in working with grieving families and grieving kids;
What to do if your kids are upset that paramedics or the funeral home team remove their parent’s body from the home while they are asleep or away;
How to handle it if your child expresses a wish to be with their deceased parent; and
How thankful Maria is for their very supportive family and friends.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Maria Quiban Whitesell and Lauren Schneider.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Gary Ireland for this episode. Gary is a widowed dad of two college-age young adults, and he lives in New York. His wife, Nancy, died a little over a year ago. I’m grateful he was willing to come on the show and talk about his journey and his reflections as a widowed dad.

Some topics Gary and I discuss include:

Their family’s experience with his wife’s cancer, starting when their kids were in middle school;
Sneaking their dog into the hospital to visit his wife;
Their experience with Gilda’s Club, both before his wife died and after, for grief support;
Their family project of advocating for full inclusion of girls in the Boys Scouts of America, and how this work carries on his wife’s legacy in his kids; and
Spending time with his young adult kids during the pandemic.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Gary Ireland.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Rachel Kodanaz for this episode. Rachel was my guest way back in episode 38, discussing returning to work after loss. Her third book, “Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time,” was released recently and is the subject of today’s discussion.

Some topics Rachel and I discuss include:

Becoming a widowed parent when she was 31 and her daughter was 2;
How her thoughts about possessions shifted after her husband died;
Her belief that personal possessions tell a beautiful story of a person’s life;
The comfort she found in leaving her late husband’s running shoes by the front door;
Why she prefers to think in terms of “thinning out” rather than “cleaning out” a loved one’s possessions;
Creating a “Rod box” with some of her late husband’s things;
Rachel’s “ten essentials,” and some pitfalls to avoid when tackling the project of thinning possessions;
Building your team of helpers; and
The magic of the six piles.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Rachel Kodanaz.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Rick Wong for this episode. Rick lost his dad when he was just 10 years old. This was back in the 1960s, so Rick has a lifetime of reflections and experiences to share with us.

Rick says he was totally lost from age 10, when his dad died, to around age 18. He was lucky enough to have family and teachers who saw tremendous potential in him, and some of them took him under their wings. Rick went on to become a successful corporate executive and entrepreneur, and an accomplished musician as well.

Some topics Rick and I discuss include:

Going from a straight A student to barely passing after his dad died;
Shifting from being a middle or upper-middle class family to relying on food stamps after his dad died, and his sense that they might have been homeless if family hadn’t stepped in to help;
Hearing from all his relatives and family friends on the day his dad died that he now needed to be the “man of the house;”
Finding out many years later details about his dad’s death that his family didn’t want to share when he was younger;
Trying to look at examples around him to figure out how to be a man;
Looking back now and realizing that he was probably depressed in the years after his dad died;
What it was like to approach age 50 himself, which is the age his dad died; and
Why giving back is so important to him now as an adult.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Rick Wong.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible - Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Blue Apron - Special offers for listeners of the podcast: jennylisk.com/blueapron

Support the show: Patreon, Merch, and More

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Dennis Murphy for this episode. Dennis is a widowed dad in Des Moines, Iowa, and he’s been raising his three teenagers by himself since his wife died almost two years ago. Inspired by the book “The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life,” Dennis started his own group for widowed dads in Des Moines.

Some topics Dennis and I discuss include:

His family’s journey with his wife’s cancer;
Putting his kids on the bus to the wrong school on Day 1 of widowed parenting;
Taking a leave of absence from work and traveling with his kids;
Deciding he needed to change his approach to parenting, and working to understand his kids better; and
Reading “The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life” about 5 months after his wife died, and being inspired to start a group for widowed dads in Des Moines.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dennis Murphy.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible: Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Mary Robinson for this episode. Mary is the founder of Imagine: A Center for Coping with Loss, which is in Mountainside and Newark, New Jersey. Mary lost her dad when she was 14 years old, and she struggled for many years after. She got into children’s grief work, she says, “to make sure other kids don't lose years of their life to unresolved grief." Mary was honored as a 2019 CNN Top 10 Hero for her work in the field of children’s grief.

Some topics Mary and I discuss include:

Stepping up around the house while her dad was ill and after he died;
Misunderstanding when her mom told her it would take a miracle for her dad to come home from the hospital;
The importance of using plain language when talking with kids about illness and death;
How she started skipping school and quitting activities after her dad died;
How she was in her 40s the first time someone said “tell me about your dad;”
Starting to get involved in children’s grief work through volunteering;
All about Imagine’s programs at their centers in New Jersey;
How grief is different from mourning;
Why every room at Imagine has an elephant somewhere in the décor or artwork;
Why she believes the world is driven by unresolved grief;
Why she says that the saying “time heals all wounds” is a myth;
Why telling your story is so important for the mourning process;
Her tips for widowed parents regarding Father’s Day;
Messages that grieving kids need to hear from the adults around them; and
Receiving the CNN Top 10 Hero Award from Anderson Cooper, who lost his own dad when he was just 10.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Mary Robinson.

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible: Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

-=-=-=-=-

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published May 15, 2019

I had such a great discussion with Emily Irwin for this episode. Emily is a therapist and a mindfulness expert based here in Seattle. It seems that mindfulness is all around us these days, so I thought it would be interesting to explore how it might be useful for us as widowed parents, as well as for our kids and teenagers. [...]

-=-=-=-=-

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Audible: Get a FREE audiobook and 30-day free trial: www.audibletrial.com/widowedparent

-=-=-=-=-

I had such a great discussion with Heather Nesle and Maria Collins of the New York Life Foundation for this episode.

Heather discusses their new initiative – The Brave of Heart Fund – which provides monetary grants to the family of front-line healthcare workers and volunteers who lose their lives because of Covid-19. Please share this discussion with all healthcare workers you know – they or their colleagues may need it.

Maria discusses the New York Life Foundation’s work in the area of childhood bereavement, including their new e-book download for kids, The Golden Sweater. It’s free to download, plus they are donating $1 to childhood bereavement programs for each download. She also discusses the new documentary, Speaking Grief, and tells us how to watch.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Heather Nesle and Maria Collins of the New York Life Foundation.

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published December 18, 2019

I had such a great discussion with Claire Bidwell Smith for this episode. Claire is a therapist and is the author of three books on grief, including her most recent, “Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief.” Anxiety is a topic I hear about a lot from widowed parents, either in relation to themselves or their kids, so it was really great to have Claire on the show to discuss this.

Some topics Claire and I discuss include:

How she started having anxiety and panic attacks around the time her mom died, and no one connected it to her grief;
What anxiety is, and what are some symptoms;
Why it’s important to work through your grief in order to tackle your anxiety;
If you’re stifling your grief, it’s likely to manifest in anxiety;
Grief-related anxiety can be present right away or many years out from loss;
Kids who lost a parent often have fear of additional loss;
How guilt and regret contribute to anxiety after loss, and ways to process these feelings;
Sometimes people hold onto the guilt as a way of holding onto the person;
Finding other ways to hold onto the person’s memory so you can let go of the guilt;
Why writing is an important tool for processing grief, and tips for doing this; and
Why telling our story of loss is important.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Claire Bidwell Smith.

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published May 8, 2019

"As activities or writing projects come up, gift-making for parents around these days, we can help prepare our children for what is the language you want to share. And even help a child come to an understanding that, yep, you've still got a mom, your mom's not walking on the earth, that her body has stopped working. She died. And it's okay to honor that she's your mom, and what she looked like, and how darn much she loved you, and that she really liked Skittles and daisies and whatever it might be, that you all used to sing this one song together. It's okay to still call her your mom and it's okay that you cry when those activities come up and it's okay to make her a card, and it's okay to include her in pictures where you're drawing a family picture. In the same way any of us claim relationships, you can still claiming these relationships. It's still your relationship."

Dr. Tina Barrett

I had such a great discussion with Dr. Tina Barrett of Montana’s Tamarack Grief Resource Center for this episode. Tina is a nationally recognized specialist in outdoor-based grief support programs. She co-founded Tamarack, and has run grief programs and camps for over 20 years. With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day right around the corner, I invited Tina to speak with us about ideas for approaching these holidays, and so much more. We talked about:

Tina’s dissertation and research findings on how outdoor-based grief support can be beneficial for grieving youth and adults;
Programs offered by the Tamarack Grief Resource Center, including grief groups, youth overnight and day camps, Women’s Rendezvous, Men’s Retreat, and Family Camp;
Why both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day might be hard, whether it’s mom or dad who died;
Practical ideas for honoring Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, whether you have young children or teens;
Tips on approaching school activities around Mother’s / Father’s Day, such as writing assignments and art projects;
Different grief styles, and how important it is to understand and recognize that people, including kids, grieve in different ways; and
The difference between self-care and self-indulgence.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. Tina Barrett.

I had such a great discussion with Julie Lythcott-Haims for this episode. This is one of those episodes that is not grief-specific, it’s for all parents, and it’s also not specific to any age group of kids. Julie is the New York Times bestselling author of “How to Raise an Adult,” and she was kind enough to come back on the show after coming on recently to talk about parenting older teens and young adults during this pandemic. This time we talk about her terrific book, and about how as freshman dean at Stanford she observed the rise in helicopter parenting and it effects in the young adults she worked with.

Some topics we talked about include:

Julie’s analogy that kids are more like wildflowers to be tended than bonsai trees to be molded and sculpted;
Observing in her role as dean of freshmen at Stanford that many students’ parents were involved in the day-to-day running of their lives;
How we want our kids to emerge from childhood with agency, resilience, and compassion;
How we need to let our kids experience mistakes and curveballs;
“Life’s beautiful F-words” – failing, falling, floundering, and fumbling;
The importance of chores for developing work ethic in kids;
The four parenting types: authoritative; authoritarian; permissive-indulgent; neglectful; and
Julie’s Four…Three…Two…One…Go! method for raising adults.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Julie Lythcott-Haims.

I had the loveliest discussion with Elke Thompson for this episode. Elke is a widowed mom in Scotland – originally from Germany – and after her husband died, she couldn’t find any books to answer the many questions her then-three-year-old had about his dad’s death. She decided to write her own … but there were many twists and turns on the path to getting that done. If you've ever wondered whether you should be honest with kids about difficult topics, you'll want to hear what Elke has to say.

Some topics Elke and I discuss include:

How she explained to her husband’s heart attack to her three-year-old;
Going to the bookstore looking for a book to explain death to her young son;
People saying that her son was too young to understand;
The questions her son asked which led her to understand that he was not too young;
Deciding to write her own children’s books about grief;
Falling in love again, and navigating the new relationship with her kids;
Being diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer a few years after her husband died;
The importance of being honest with her kids about difficult topics, including her illness; and
Why she ends both of her books with the message that it’s ok to be sad and it’s ok to be happy too.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Elke Thompson.

Thank you to Buffy Peters of Hamilton's Academy of Grief and Loss, at Hamilton's Funeral Home in Des Moines, Iowa, for speaking with me for this pandemic special episode.

We originally planned to talk about children and funerals during the pandemic, but it ended up being a broader discussion that will be useful to anyone thinking about what you can do when you can't have a funeral during this pandemic.

This discussion was recorded April 16, 2020.

I had such a great discussion with Leslie Barber for this episode. Leslie is a widowed parent in Portland, Oregon, and is the founder of Grief Warrior. In this episode Leslie talks about losing her husband, Steve, when her daughter was almost 7, and about their experiences with grief since them.

Some topics we discuss include:

Dealing with physical symptoms of grief, both in herself and her daughter;
Her daughter moving into her bed after her dad died;
Relocating from the Bay Area to Portland a year after her husband died;
How her daughter maintains a relationship with her dad by texting his old number;
How the first two years were more about grieving “Emily’s Daddy,” and then it was Leslie’s turn to grieve losing her husband;
Developing the Grief Warrior box as a way to help people help their grieving friends;
Why she doesn’t believe in sending flowers to someone who has lost a loved one; and
How she was able to use a vacation donation program at her company to take several months off after her husband died, rather than the three day bereavement leave that was standard.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Leslie Barber.

I had such a great discussion with Michele Neff Hernandez for this episode. Michele is the founder and executive director of Soaring Spirits International, which runs Camp Widow in multiple locations each year, as well as many other programs for widowed people.

Soaring Spirits uses the broadest possible definition of “widowed” to include anyone who has lost their life partner. They have a very active blog, a widowed pen pal program, and the terrific new Soaring Spirits Resilience Center that is doing really exciting research.

Some topics Michele and I discuss include:

Her own journey to becoming widowed when her kids were young;
Not knowing any other young widowed people until someone finally connected her with another widow who would become a lifelong friend;
How Camp Widow came about on the back of a napkin on a long drive;
What to expect if you attend Camp Widow;
The opportunity to access Camp Widow Virtual workshops until April 30, 2020;
The Resilience Scale available free on the Soaring Spirits Resilience Center web site;
What they’ve learned from studying resilience in widowed people;
Their widowed pen pal program and the Widow’s Voice blog;
Their free packets for newly widowed people; and
What Michele’s analogy about earthquakes says about how losing a spouse differs from losing a parent.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Michele Neff Hernandez.

I had such a great discussion with Lane Hendricks for this episode. It was great to have her back on the show, after our initial discussion way back in episode 11. Today’s topic is based on questions I’ve gotten from listeners who are widowed parents of infants and very young children. I knew Lane would be just the right person to talk with about this topic, based on both her professional experience and her own experience losing her husband when one of her daughters was 3 and the other was an infant.

I should say that we did have some issues with sound quality, because we recorded just last week, during this global pandemic, when so many people are working and doing school from home and the internet seems to be overloaded. In fact, at one point we lost the call all together, but fortunately I was able to get Lane back on the line. We could have probably continued talking much longer, but it was getting difficult to hear everything Lane was sharing with us.

Some of the topics we discuss include:

Some of the main issues or challenges that can come up when people find themselves the widowed solo parent of an infant;
The fact that an infant needs someone to consistently meet their needs in order to develop a secure attachment;
Challenges that might unfold over time, and how this differs from kids who lose a parent later in childhood;
Getting support for kids throughout the years; and
Lane’s basketball analogy about the resiliency of kids.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Lane Hendricks.

Many thanks to social workers Arlen Gaines & Meredith Polsky for coming back on the show to discuss their new book for kids, "I Have a Question About Coronavirus." This book is available as a free download from their website, ihaveaquestion.com.

This discussion was recorded on March 27, 2020.

Thank you for joining me today for another pandemic special episode. I'm doing a series of shorter episodes on parenting and grief and related topics during this time of global pandemic. Big thanks to Julie Lythcott-Haims for hopping on a call with me yesterday to record this discussion about some of the issues that are coming up right now when parenting older teens and young adults. Julie is the New York Times bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult, and she has an 18-year-old and a 20-year-old herself, so I knew she'd be just the right person to talk with on this topic.

This discussion was recorded on March 24, 2020.

I had such a great discussion with Lindsay Joy Taylor for this episode. Lindsay Joy lost her mom when she was just a baby. This was recorded prior to the global pandemic that we’re currently in, and I’m going to share it with you today because grief still goes on, and widowed parenting still has to happen, even in the midst of this crisis. I will continue to share ‘regular’ episodes each Wednesday, and in between I’ll share special, shorter episodes specific to parenting and grief in during the time of this coronavirus. Please be on the lookout for both.

Some topics Lindsay Joy and I discuss include:

Losing her mother, her primary attachment figure, when she was just 13 months old;
Having multiple caregivers in her young life after that point;
Becoming an ‘easy baby’ and ‘easy kid,’ and people not realizing how much she was struggling;
Being diagnosed with Complex PTSD 30 years later;
Beginning to struggle and developing a ‘fight or flight’ response in her college years;
Coming to realize that therapy was essential, even after an initial bad experience with it;
Switching to a trauma-informed therapist;
Doing body-based work in addition to talk therapy; and
How memories of playing in her mom’s jewelery box as a child contributed to her business creating remembrance and memorial jewelery.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Lindsay Joy Taylor.

Thank you Jana DeCristofaro of The Dougy Center in Portland, Oregon, for joining me for this special episode. We discuss creative ways to support each other during this time of ‘social distancing.’

Here is the question I teed up for Jana:

If we have grieving teens in our families, some of us may be thinking about this: do we set up some kind of limits that keep them from their friends that might ordinarily provide support? Or do we make exceptions that might put them and others at risk? Or ... are there some other options?

This discussion was recorded on March 21, 2020.

Many thanks to Marny Williams-Balodis, co-founder and executive director of Hummingbird Centre for Hope, for quickly jumping on a call with me to talk about tips for widowed parenting in this time of global pandemic. Check out Hummingbird’s virtual support groups for widowed parents, too, for some much needed connection with other widowed people.

This discussion was recorded on March 20, 2020.

I had such a great discussion with Leslie Gray Streeter for this episode. First of all, big congratulations to Leslie on the launch this week of her new memoir, Black Widow: A Sad-Funny Journey Through Grief for People Who Normally Avoid Books with Words Like “Journey” in the Title.

Leslie became a widowed parent after the sudden death of her husband, Scott, in 2015. At the time they were in the process of adopting their two-year-old son. As it says on the back of her book, “With her signature warmth, hilarity, and tendency to overshare, Leslie Gray Streeter gives us real talk about love, loss, grief, and healing in your own way.” Her book is both funny and touching; if you’re a widowed parent, I know you’ll recognize much in her story, even if your situation is different.

Some topics Leslie and I cover include:

Continually having to answer the question “where’s daddy?” from her young son;
The pressure of making decisions as the only parent;
Wanting to write the book in order to start a conversation about grief; and
Her mom moving in with her to help co-parent her toddler.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Leslie Gray Streeter.

ENCORE EPISODE - Originally published December 19, 2018.

“You have all the tools inside you to do it. You’re the perfectly imperfect parent to do this with your kiddo. Just talk about it. Just say something. Just open the door. That’s all you have to do. Just start. Start anywhere, and start awkwardly, and don’t feel like you have to have it perfect, because none of us do.” --Therapist & parenting coach Tracey Biebel

I’m very excited today to bring you our first show where we tackle your questions. Some fantastic questions have come in from listeners about moms raising boys after dad has died, or similarly dads raising girls after mom has died. This includes great questions around puberty, including talking with kids about bodies & relationships, and about finding male mentors for boys after dad has died, or vice-versa for girls.

My guest, Tracey Biebel, is a clinical social worker, who is a therapist and family coach, and who deals extensively with these topics in her practice. We covered all sorts of ground, including Tracey’s tips on dating as a single parent, taking your kids to puberty classes, connecting with them as they grow and change, and also book recommendations on these topics for all ages.

A quick note, if you have young children around as you’re listening, you may wish to consider whether you want them to overhear our open and matter-of-fact discussion of these topics.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Tracey Biebel.

Hey everyone, it’s Jenny Lisk and this is episode 56 of The Widowed Parent Podcast.

It was such a pleasure to talk with Sarah Illiatovitch-Goldman, director of the Hearts to Art summer camp program at the Auditorium Theatre in Chicago. I always love being able to spotlight programs and resources for families in various locations. Hearts to Art runs a performing arts camp for kids ages 7-14 who have lost a parent or primary caregiver.

Some topics Sarah and I discuss include:

How and why the camp was started 16 years ago;
The idea that you don’t need to love the arts to get something from participating;
The kinds of performing arts activities kids can expect at camp;
The grief work woven throughout the camp sessions;
Their junior counselor program for teens; and
Where to find resources if you’re outside the Chicago area.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Sarah Illiatovitch-Goldman.

I had such a great discussion with Laurie O’Neil and Marisa da Silva for this episode. Laurie is a social worker and is Marisa’s great-aunt. Marisa is 10 years old, and her mom, Terri, died when Marisa was just 5. Together Laurie and Marisa are co-authors of the book Graceful Woman Warrior, which is based on the journal Terri kept while she was undergoing treatment for breast cancer.

Topics we discussed include:

How the book Graceful Woman Warrior started as a blog by Marisa’s late mom Terri during her breast cancer diagnosis and treatment;
Laurie losing her own dad at age 8 and feeling alone in her grief as a child;
What the kids in Marisa’s class thought about the “book talk” she and Laurie gave in class;
What Marisa likes about the EmpowerHER program; and
Why Laurie says writing this book has been transformative for her.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Laurie O’Neil and Marisa da Silva.

I had such a great discussion with Brennan Wood and Jana DeCristofaro of The Dougy Center for this episode. The Dougy Center has programs for kids and families in Portland, Oregon, and they are also a national leader in the field of childhood bereavement. They also produce a popular, and long-running, grief podcast called Grief Out Loud, which listeners can find on their favorite podcast app.

Some topics we discuss include:

Brennan talks about feeling different from her peers after losing her mom at age 12;
How attending The Dougy Center as a teen changed her life;
Meeting Hope Edelman, author of Motherless Daughters, when she was 19;
The Dougy Center’s programs for grieving kids and families in the Portland, Oregon, area;
Their Pathways program for families facing an advanced serious illness;
The Grief Out Loud podcast, which Jana hosts and produces;
Being ok with holding 2 thoughts that seem to be conflicting; and
What widowed parents should know or consider in the first 90 days.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Brennan Wood and Jana DeCristofaro of The Dougy Center.

I had such a great time talking with Jason Stout of Outward Bound USA for this episode. I met Jason last June at the National Alliance for Grieving Children Symposium in Snowbird, Utah, and I knew I wanted to have him on the show. Outward Bound is a unique program that uses the outdoors to inspire personal growth.

Topics Jason and I discussed include:

How he did a 78-day winter Outward Bound expedition when he was a young adult, and how this was important as he dealt with multiple death losses he had as a child, including his dad at age 14;
When, where, and why Outward Bound got started;
Various programs they have, such as gap year and semester programs, Pathfinders, and short courses;
What is the Outward Bound Grieving Teens program; and
Some heartwarming stories of teens who have been on a Grieving Teens expedition.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Jason Stout.

I had such a great discussion with Megan Simmons for this episode. Megan’s dad died when she was just 4 years old. Later, her mom died when she was a young adult. I always feel it’s such a privilege to talk with adults who lost a parent at a young age, and am so grateful when they are willing to come on the podcast and talk with me about their journey and their experiences.

Some topics Megan and I cover include:

Moving to be closer to her mom’s family after her dad died;
Feeling as a child that she needed to help others feel better about her situation;
Believing that she should feel sad as a child, and feeling guilty when she was happy;
Learning at a young age that life is short and she didn’t want to take anything for granted;
How growing up without her dad affected her confidence;
How her mom vowed to give her kids a sense of security, stability, and love after their dad died;
Writing children’s books in honor of her parents, to help her own children grieve; and
How losing both of her parents at a young age has affect her own parenting.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Megan Simmons.

I had such a great discussion with Bethany Gardner and Molly Hasson at the Eluna Network for this episode. Eluna is a national grief support network here in the US, and they run both Camp Erin, for grieving kids, and Camp Mariposa, for kids affected by a family member’s addiction.

Some of the topics we discussed include:

Eluna’s online resource library;
Personalized support available free through Eluna;
Camp Erin, for grieving kids who have lost a parent or other close family member;
Camp Mariposa, a mentoring and support program for kids ages 9-12 affected by a parent’s addiction; and
The New York Life Foundation’s extensive involvement in and support of Eluna’s programs.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Molly Hasson and Bethany Gardner of Eluna.

This week’s show — January 1, 2020 — is the “Best of 2019” episode. Listen for reflections on decades past and the decade ahead, as well as what I’m looking forward to for the podcast in 2020. Also join me as a share clips from six favorite episodes this year, with guests Austin Shoecraft, Claire Bidwell Smith, Allison Gilbert, Lane Pease, Jessica Maitland Mayo & Micki Burns, and Dr. Lisa Damour. Also mentioned: interviews with Buffy Peters & Sasha Mudlaff, Dr. Justin Yopp, Tembi Locke, Vicki Jay, and Karen Millsap.

I had such a great discussion with Claire Bidwell Smith for this episode. Claire is a therapist and is the author of three books on grief, including her most recent, “Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief.” Anxiety is a topic I hear about a lot from widowed parents, either in relation to themselves or their kids, so it was really great to have Claire on the show to discuss this.

Some topics Claire and I discuss include:

How she started having anxiety and panic attacks around the time her mom died, and no one connected it to her grief;
What anxiety is, and what are some symptoms;
Why it’s important to work through your grief in order to tackle your anxiety;
If you’re stifling your grief, it’s likely to manifest in anxiety;
Grief-related anxiety can be present right away or many years out from loss;
Kids who lost a parent often have fear of additional loss;
How guilt and regret contribute to anxiety after loss, and ways to process these feelings;
Sometimes people hold onto the guilt as a way of holding onto the person;
Finding other ways to hold onto the person’s memory so you can let go of the guilt;
Why writing is an important tool for processing grief, and tips for doing this; and
Why telling our story of loss is important.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Claire Bidwell Smith.

I had such a great discussion with Carmel Breathnach for this episode. Carmel is originally from Ireland and now lives in Portland, Oregon. She lost her mom at age 11, and writes primarily about early mother loss. She’s working on her memoir, “Briefly I Knew My Mother.”

Some topics Carmel and I discussed include:

Carmel reads from a letter she recently wrote to her 11-year-old self;
Ways her dad supported her and her brother after her mom’s death;
Challenges with school and teachers;
What she’s learned by having to face grief as a young person;
What brought her to the US;
How her early experience with grief influenced her work as a teacher; and
Her thoughts on Mother’s Day as a motherless daughter.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Carmel Breathnach.

I had such a great discussion with Jim Santucci and Beth Keller of Kara for this episode. I’ve heard from a lot of listeners with questions and worry about the upcoming holidays, so in this episode we dive deep on the topic of grief and the holidays.

Some topics we cover include:

Kara’s grief support services for kids and adults in the Palo Alto, California, area;
Kara’s peer support volunteer program;
It’s common for widowed parents to be worried about how to handle the holidays;
Common stresses around holiday cards – both sending & receiving;
Why traditions and rituals are comforting for kids;
Why widowed parents shouldn’t be tempted to cancel Christmas;
The importance of talking with your kids and teens about holiday plans rather than making assumptions and unilateral decisions;
Enlisting help from family & friends with holiday decorating, baking, etc;
Juggling the needs and wishes of multiple kids;
Managing the expectations of other people; and
Ideas for honoring and remembering our loved ones at the holidays.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Jim Santucci and Beth Keller of Kara.

Today we wind up our special two-part discussion for the one-year anniversary of the Widowed Parent Podcast. My friend Karen Millsap returns to once again interview me on my own show. I had so much fun talking with her and reflecting on how and why I started the podcast, and also thinking about some of the main lessons I’ve learned from my guests.

Some of the topics we discuss include:

Why I decided to start the Widowed Parent Podcast;
How I learned what I needed to do to start it;
Getting over the question of ‘why me’ – why should I start this podcast;
What’s been the most fun;
What’s been the hardest;
Why I took an August break from producing new episodes;
What I’ve learned from my guests on the podcast; and
What I’m looking forward to in the next year.

Many thanks to Karen for taking the mic again this week for Part 2 of our discussion, and helping me reflect on my journey through starting the Widowed Parent Podcast. I’m especially glad to be able to look back at some of the key things I’ve learned from my guests and share them with listeners. I hope you enjoy our discussion.

We’re changing things up this week, in honor of the one-year anniversary of the podcast. I’ve asked my friend Karen Millsap to interview me on my own show. Long time listeners will remember Karen from Episode 14. She’s a widowed parent herself, and she is a Mindset Mastery Coach who is passionate about teaching individuals the tools and resources to feel better, live better, and achieve their goals with a healthy mindset.

This week – in Part 1 – we talk about my story. I’m always on the other side of the mic, asking the questions, but this week the tables are turned. Karen interviews me, and I share my journey of the past few years with my husband, Dennis, being diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and then dying when our kids were 9 and 11.

Some topics we discuss include:

Our “normal” life before my husband, Dennis, died;
His diagnosis with glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer;
Living through the 8 months he was terminally ill;
Parenting our 9 & 11-year-olds through his illness;
What the early months of being a widowed parent were like;
Starting Megan’s Cards for Cancer with my daughter to raise money for brain cancer research; and
Looking ahead to Part 2 – next week – with more about how I started the Widowed Parent Podcast, and what I’ve learned so far from my guests.

Many thanks to Karen for taking the mic this week and helping me share my story. I hope you enjoy our discussion.

I had such a great discussion with Keisha Blair for this episode. Keisha was 31 when her husband passed away suddenly, just eight weeks after the birth of their second child. Keisha lives in Ottawa, Canada, and she has written a brand-new book called “Holistic Wealth: 32 Life Lessons to Help You Find Purpose, Prosperity, and Happiness.”

Some topics Keisha and I discuss include:

Being widowed with a toddler and a new baby;
Taking a sabbatical after loss;
Returning to the workplace;
Having one son with memories of his dad, and one son too young to remember him;
The importance of creating a personal mission statement; and
What is ‘holistic wealth,’ including Keisha’s tips for this.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Keisha Blair.

I had such a great discussion with Jessica Maitland Mayo and Micki Burns of Judi’s House for this episode. Judi’s House is in Denver, Colorado, and Jessica is the CEO and Micki is the chief clinical officer. One reason I love the work Judi’s House is doing is that they put equal emphasis on both direct client services and real, critical research to advance our collective understanding of childhood bereavement and best practices. Plus, Jessica is a widowed parent and past client of Judi’s House, so it was wonderful to talk with her about her journey and reflections.

Some topics we cover on this episode include:

Jessica’s journey as a widowed parent after her husband died by suicide when her kids were 7 and 11;
Juggling a demanding job along with her grief and her kids’ grief;
Her number one desire to protect her kids;
The importance of telling her kids the truth about their dad’s death;
Her family’s experiencing as clients of Judi’s House;
The founding of Judi’s House by Brian Griese and Brook Griese;
The Judi’s House Pathfinders program for youth ages 3-25 and their families, and the measurable positive outcomes;
Stats on childhood bereavement from the Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model that Judi’s House has developed and partnered with New York Life Foundation on;
Why childhood bereavement is a critical public health issue;
How emphasis on preventative care in the mental & behavioral health field is lagging emphasis on preventative care in the physical health field; and
The relative lack of research into the needs and challenges of bereaved families.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Jessica Maitland Mayo and Micki Burns of Judi’s House.

We’re back this week with a brand new show, and today I’m thrilled to welcome Vicki Jay as my guest. Vicki is the CEO of the National Alliance for Grieving Children. Some topics Vicki and I talked about include:

Why it’s easier to address childhood grief early in a child’s life than it is to deal with the potential effects of unresolved grief when they become adults;
The fact that 1 in 14 kids will lose a parent or sibling by the age of 18;
Children’s Grief Awareness Month coming up in November, and some ways widowed parents can help raise awareness during this time;
How to submit a story of “Everyday Heroes” who support the grieving children in your life;
Why we should all wear blue on November 21 (and post pics on social media!);
The NAGC’s activity book for elementary age kids and their caregivers;
“Dear Me” letters from adults who lost a parent to their younger selves; and
Resources available on the NAGC web site, including a state-by-state listing of children’s grief programs.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Vicki Jay.

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published March 20, 2019

I’m so happy to bring you my discussion with Pam Garramone. Pam is a positive psychology coach who teaches people how to be happier.

It’s important to note that Pam is not talking about ignoring or minimizing the pain and difficulty of losing a spouse, and being a widowed parent, but rather about some ways to gradually move the needle and to work some happiness into our lives in spite of this.

Pam and I talked about so many interesting topics, including many practical tips for how to be happier — and — how to help our kids be happier. We talked about:

What is positive psychology, and how does it relate to ‘regular’ psychology;
Some tools of positive psychology that can help us become happier;
The VIA character survey, and how to use your signature strengths to lift depression;
Fostering a growth mindset in our kids;
How helping others helps us to feel better;
How social connections can boost happiness; and
The benefits to our lives of increasing our happiness.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Pam Garramone.

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published April 3, 2019

Today we’re going to really focus in on the grief piece of the widowed parenting puzzle. It can be really hard for widowed parents to know how to help their children with their grief, because most of us don’t have much experience, nor any education, in this. And so, I’m really glad to share with you today my discussion with Buffy Peters and Sasha Mudlaff, from Hamilton’s Academy of Grief and Loss in Des Moines, Iowa. Hamilton’s is Iowa’s largest funeral home, and 20 years ago they decided to start providing grief and loss support to their clients and to the broader community as well. And if you’re not in Iowa, not to worry – they have fantastic -- and free -- resources available on their web site. I’ll link to them in the show notes.

I learned so much from talking with Buffy and Sasha. Some topics we covered include:

Handling questions from kids, including when you don’t know the answer;
The importance of telling kids the truth about tough situations;
Language to avoid when talking with kids about death;
Secondary losses experienced by kids who have lost a parent;
Undue burdens that may unintentionally be placed on kids;
Misconceptions that adults may have about children’s grief
Why it’s important for kids to see the adults around them grieve, and modeling healthy grieving;
How children’s grief differs from adult grief; and
Why it’s important for adults to validate kids’ feelings of grief.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Sasha Mudlaff and Buffy Peters.

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published January 16, 2019

I had such a great discussion with Dr. Justin Yopp of the University of North Carolina for this episode. Justin is a clinical psychologist and is co-author of the book, “The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life.”

I really enjoyed our wide-ranging discussion. It was a fascinating mix of practical and academic, and included some great stories from the widowed dads in the book about their experiences. Some of the topics we covered include: the dual process model of coping and bereavement; post-traumatic growth; the concept of being a ‘good enough’ parent; the unique hardships of being a widowed father; and the research into the needs of widowed parents being conducted at UNC.

By the way, if you’re a widowed mom or dad with kids 18 & under at home, and widowed less than three years, I’d encourage you to answer the survey on their web site…this is such important work and, surprisingly, there is very little research that’s been done on the needs of widowed parents. Look for the link in the show notes for episode 9.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. Justin Yopp.

I had such a great discussion with Rachel Kodanaz for this episode. Rachel is the author of three grief-related books, and is an expert on returning to work after a loss – both from the perspective of the grieving person and the perspective of the employer. In fact, she consults with and speaks to organizations large and small on this topic. She’s a widowed mom herself, having lost her husband when her daughter was just 2. She was employed in a large corporation at the time, and had to figure out how to make returning to work work for her family.

Some topics that Rachel and I discuss include:

How she negotiated with her employer to take her toddler along on business trips;
Getting creative to solve the time-crunch problems of raising a young child on her own;
Myths about employees returning to work after a loss;
Questions to ask yourself before returning to work, to make your return go more smoothly;
Tips for discussing what you need with your employer;
Thoughts on how much to share with a prospective new employer when looking a job;
Tips for kicking the proverbial elephant out of the room when returning to work;
EAP, FMLA, and other employment benefits that may be available;
Suggestions for when you suspect colleagues may be resentful or think you’re not pulling your weight; and
Why you should have an “elevator speech” ready for when people say insensitive things.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Rachel Kodanaz.

I had such a great discussion with Litsa Williams for this episode. Litsa is the co-founder of the popular grief blog and website What’s Your Grief, and I had the pleasure of meeting her this summer at the National Alliance for Grieving Children symposium. What’s Your grief has so many articles on every different topic related to grief and loss, and they also have a number of really innovative projects going on that might be interesting to think about trying with your kids or teens.

Some topics that Litsa and I cover include:

Resources available on the What’s Your Grief blog and web site;
Recommendations for books and movies to read and watch with your kids;
The Grief Secret project;
The Grief in Six Words project;
The Photo Grief project, and the online grief photography class they offer;
The What’s Your Grief podcast; and
Litsa’s advice and perspective as both a grief professional and as someone who lost her own dad when she was just 18.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Litsa Williams.

I had such a great discussion with my friend Nancy Bearg for this episode. Nancy is the co-author of “Reboot Your Life: Energize Your Career and Life by Taking a Break.” I invited her to be on the show because I’ve heard from a number of listeners who are wondering if it’s ok to take a sabbatical-type break from work after becoming a widowed parent, and looking for ideas on how to make that work.

I knew right away when I first got a listener question on this topic that I just had to talk to Nancy about it. I’ve read her book several times in the past few years, so I knew it was full of information and examples that would be helpful to my listeners who are thinking about taking time off work.

Some topics that Nancy and I discussed include:

The benefits of taking a sabbatical, both personally and professionally;
Common concerns that people have about taking a sabbatical;
Advice for talking with employers about taking time off;
Considerations about how much time to take;
Suggestions about how to structure your time off;
How taking time off can help you reconnect with yourself and what is meaningful to you; and
How giving yourself the gift of time can be incredibly important for anyone, including widowed parents.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Nancy Bearg.

I had such a great discussion with Allison Gilbert for this episode. I had the pleasure of meeting Allison earlier this summer at the National Alliance for Grieving Children annual symposium in Snowbird, Utah. Allison is a board member of the NAGC, and was a keynote speaker at the symposium. I knew right away that she would be fantastic to talk to about practical ideas for keeping the memories of our loved ones alive, and also about how important it is to do so.

Some topics that Allison and I cover include:

Why keeping memories alive is so important to our long-term and short-term well-being;
How remembering helps to create continuing bonds with our loved ones who have died;
Why Allison’s goal is to empower people to feel confident in implementing ideas and strategies for remembering;
Using fillable lamps to display collectibles or small items that remind you of your loved one;
Ideas for repurposing fabrics into special keepsakes, even if you’re not crafty yourself;
Why she calls technology the “low-hanging fruit of memory keeping”;
Ways to use social media to help with remembering, including embracing “Throwback Thursday”;
Suggestions for engaging your kids around cooking mom’s or dad’s favorite recipe;
What is commemorative travel, and how it can help us honor and celebrate our loved ones; and
Additional ideas and resources you can request by emailing Allison.

One quick tech note: about halfway through, the audio on my side of the conversation gets weird. I’ve tried everything to fix it, to no avail. I recently upgraded to a fancy new microphone that really should not have these issues, so it appears I have some troubleshooting to do. I apologize in advance for the rough audio in places. Allison sounds great on her end of the line, and that’s the most important part.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Allison Gilbert.

I had such a great discussion with Lisa Heffernan, co-author of the brand-new book out this week called “Grown and Flown: How to Support Your Teen, Stay Close as a Family, and Raise Independent Adults.”

This is one of those episodes that is not grief-specific. I was so glad to talk to Lisa about her new book because so often I hear from widowed parents that one of their challenges isn’t really related to grief at all – it’s that they find themselves in a new role as the “only parent” for their kids, and they need to handle everything alone. So, I figure the more information and insights we can get, the better, in terms of helping us with this job. Our discussion is also relevant, however, for your friends who are not widowed parents – so please share with them it you find it helpful.

Some topics Lisa and I cover in our discussion include:

What parents most want to know about raising their kids during the older teen / young adult years;
How parents can tend to feel isolated when their kids get older and face problems that can be more difficult to discuss with other parents than little-kid problems;
Signs you might be overparenting your teen or young adult;
The four main things your child needs to know to manage their health when they’re living away for the first time;
Four key academic lessons that your teen should learn before college;
Tips for getting through the 11th grade;
Tips for parents to stay sane during the college search and application process;
Tips for college drop off day;
Ways to support struggling college students without taking over; and
What surprises Lisa most about the late teen / early adult years.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Lisa Heffernan of Grown and Flown.

I had such a great discussion with Arlen Gaines and Meredith Polsky for this episode. Meredith and Arlen are social workers who have written a book series called “I Have a Question” for kids with autism. One of their books is about death; another is about cancer. I heard them present on a webinar for the National Alliance for Grieving Children on the topic of grief and kids with autism, and realized that would probably be of interest to some listeners.

Some of the topics we cover in our discussion include:

the fact that there’s a lack of literature on death and dying for kids who are concrete thinkers;
some common features of autism that we should keep in mind when we think about how to help our grieving children/teens;
developmental responses to grief that we see with typically developing kids in each age group, and how might that be different for kids with autism;
tips for making participation in a peer grief group or camp a successful experience for a child with autism;
some thoughts on how to deal with the loss of routine and schedule after the loss of a parent;
some of the euphemisms that our culture has around death that can be confusing to people with autism; and
strategies for helping kids with autism remember and honor their deceased parent.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Meredith Polsky and Arlen Gaines.

"For children their grief marches forward in a different way, meaning that as they grow and develop, they will have to revisit it at a new developmental stage. It's going to continue to change so that it's going to keep moving forward in time. Whereas for the adult -- the partner, the wife, the husband, let's say -- we're always looking back at our loss, where she's looking forward at her loss. We're looking back to the events that we had, the marriage I had -- you know the time we first did this, the time we first did that. She's looking at the time that she won't be able to do that. It's like you're looking at the timeline in different directions."

-Tembi Locke

I had such a great discussion with Tembi Locke for this episode. I met Tembi at Camp Widow years ago, and I’m so glad I did. She’s an actor and now a New York Times bestselling author. Her first book – From Scratch: A Memoir of Love, Sicily, and Finding Home – was recently published by Simon and Schuster and is one of Reese Witherspoon’s picks for her book club.

Tembi and I sat down to talk recently about her journey, including:

What she learned as a caregiver to her husband for 10 years;
Her service and advocacy work through The Kitchen Widow;
What food and connection at her mother-in-law’s table in Sicily has meant to her and her daughter in their grief;
Tembi’s tips for incorporating food into celebrations and memories, including simple tips for when cooking from scratch feels out of reach;
Her thoughts on showing up for her daughter, even when she wasn’t necessarily convinced that she could show up for herself;
Her a-ha moment in realizing that she and her daughter – though they both lost the same person – have very different experiences based on their different relationships to that person;
The idea that kids’ grief is primarily looking ahead at what they’re missing while adults’ grief is looking back at what they lost;
How helpful it’s been for her to talk with friends who lost their dads when they were young;
The relationship between anxiety and grief, and her experience with this; and
Her desire to continue to show her daughter the world, both literally and in terms of preparing her for the world she will be living in.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Tembi Locke.

"Just like your child needs to be with other teenagers who've experienced parental loss, a death in the family, your LGBTQ teenager needs to find other LGBTQ teenagers. And that connection is the thing that's going to not just get them through, but make them whole."

- Bridget Hughes

I had such a great discussion with Bridget Hughes and Lizzie McAdam of the Hetrick-Martin Institute for this episode. We talked about LGBTQ youth and grief. I’m so glad we covered this topic for a couple of reasons: first, because there are some unique issues for parents to be aware of in case they have an LGBTQ teen who is grieving; and second, because having a kid come out can feel like unfamiliar territory, like a whole new challenge for the surviving parent to handle alone, without their parenting partner. It can feel overwhelming to figure out how to support your kid when you’re already dealing with so much on your own.

Bridget and Lizzie and I talked about so many things, including:

The importance of identity development during the teen years and how losing a parent affects that;
What other types of losses LBGTQ youth face that are important for parents to understand;
Mental health issues that LGBTQ youth are more at-risk for;
How LGBTQ youth are more at-risk for social isolation;
Challenges in coming out to straight peers and navigating social environments such as school, camps, sports, and other youth activities that tend to be sex-segregated;
How social or family pressure to live a hetero-normative lifestyle can affect LGBTQ youth;
Ways the LGBTQ community has developed over time to deal with community-level grief;
The importance of LGBTQ youth getting support from other members of the LGBTQ community; and
Where parents can find support for themselves in understanding and supporting their LGBTQ teens.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Bridget Hughes and Lizzie McAdam.

"Exploring grief through creativity provides a really valuable experience. Students can learn more about themselves through the creation process. And it does take a certain level of bravery to submit the work for evaluation because that might not necessarily be the reason why you created it. But I invite creative students who are coping with grief to do that very thing, which is to submit their work to us. By participating in the program, by opting your work in for the New York Life Award, you expand the community of teens openly discussing and coping with grief."

- Tendo Mutanda, Scholastic Art & Writing Awards

This week I talk with Tendo Mutanda and Darius Atefat-Peckham about the Scholastic Art & Writing Awards. Tendo is with the Alliance for Young Artists and Writers, which runs the program, and Darius is one of the student winners for poetry, and is winding up his term as one of just five National Student Poets before heading off to college in the Fall. Darius lost his mom and brother in a car accident when he was just three years old, so we talked about his experience with grief and what poetry has meant to him over the years, including how his poetry style has shifted over time to incorporate joy along with grief. Tendo and I talked about the awards program for both artists and writers, including who can participate, and how. We also talked about the New York Life Award, which creates a space for teens to explore grief in their art or writing.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Tendo Mutanda and Darius Atefat-Peckham.

“If you have kids, ask them questions about it, talk to them. Don’t just like leave them to grieve and mourn on their own. Especially if they’re really down, you might want to ask questions and ask if they want to go through some therapy or something like that.”

- Megan Lisk

I have a very special guest in the podcast studio with me today … my daughter, Megan Lisk. Megan is 12, and her dad -- my husband -- died when she was 9.

And for what it’s worth, it was Megan’s idea to be my guest on the podcast this week. I was lamenting the fact that various circumstances had left me with no episode ready to go this week, and she said, “you can interview me!” I figured, why not? It was great for me, personally, to be able to have this sort of in-depth discussion with her. The kind we don’t normally have in the day-to-day busyness of normal life. It reminded me of my discussion with StoryCorps and the New York Life Foundation last time, about their Road to Resilience project, and the space that it opens up for parents and kids to talk about their loss and their loved ones. I hope that our discussion today might inspire you to sit down with your own kids and talk about your experiences, too. You can even record your conversation in the StoryCorps app if you’d like. You can listen to episode 28 for more details on that. And, I hope that hearing first-hand from a 12-year-old who lost her dad might be of use to you as well.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with my daughter, Megan Lisk.

"Road to Resilience is a project in partnership with the New York Life Foundation to record the stories of kids grieving the death of somebody who is important to them. It's really meant to give them a space to talk about who they are and share their grief stories and grief journeys, and memories of the important person in their lives."

- Perri Chinalai, StoryCorps

I had such a great discussion with Perri Chinalai of StoryCorps and Maria Collins of the New York Life Foundation for this episode. StoryCorps is a nonprofit based in New York, and basically, they bring people together – regular people like you and me – and have them talk with each other to record and preserve their stories and their life experiences. And when I say “preserve their stories,” I really mean just that – anyone’s recordings can be archived at the Library of Congress and available for generations to come.

I invited StoryCorps to talk with me for this episode because they have a special project right now to bring together grieving parents and their kids to talk about their loved ones, and their experiences of loss. New York Life – which has a longstanding and deep commitment to the field of children’s bereavement – partnered with StoryCorps on this project. I’m so happy they were able to join this discussion to talk about the Road to Resilience project, as well as many of the other projects they are partnering on, and the childhood bereavement resources available on their web site.

Some of the things we talked about include:

What is the StoryCorps Road to Resilience project, and who are their current partners;
What it means to families to be able to have these conversations with each other;
How families near New York City, Houston, Portland, Louisville, Baltimore, and Traverse City, Michigan, can get involved with the first 6 organizations partnering on this project;
The toolkit that StoryCorps will have available in Fall 2019 for additional organizations to utilize;
The StoryCorps app that anyone can download to record their own stories;
Tips for conducting a StoryCorps-style conversation in your own home;
Why it is so important to New York Life to support the field of childhood bereavement;
Additional bereavement resources that New York Life offers free of charge on their web site;
The Coalition to Support Grieving Students and their Grief Sensitive Schools initiative; and
Some results of the recent childhood bereavement study conducted by New York Life.

We also have a special treat for listeners: we get to listen to two of the StoryCorps Road to Resilience recordings, including the new animation just released this week in honor of Father’s Day.

I think this project is fantastic, and I’m so happy to highlight what they are doing and how you can get involved.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with StoryCorps and the New York Life Foundation.

"The purpose of Kesem is that we're creating a space for kids to be kids and have this opportunity that they don't have throughout the rest of the year, because they're not necessarily connected to anyone else that's going through what they're going through. With that in mind though, part of what's special about camp is that it's really truly a summer camp in the essence of all of those outdoors experiences, all those really fun activities. But there's one of the days in the week where we really acknowledge why we're there. And that's called the empowerment ceremony."

- Haley Brown

I had a great discussion with Haley Brown for this episode. Haley is the outreach coordinator of the Seattle University chapter of Camp Kesem, and she lost her dad when she was 12. Camp Kesem is an organization with chapters at college campuses all across the US, and these chapters run free summer camps for kids and teens with a parent affected by cancer. This includes kids with a parent who died of cancer, a parent who survived cancer, or a parent currently being treated.

We talked about:

What Camp Kesem is, and who it’s for;
Activities at camp, including “typical summer camp activities” such as boating, swimming, and crafts;
The counselor-in-training program for older teens;
How college students can get involved in organizing or being a counselor at camp;
Programs other than summer camp that Camp Kesem chapters run throughout the year;
How to find a Camp Kesem chapter near you;
Haley’s experience and reflections on losing her dad to cancer at age 12; and
What it means to her to volunteer with kids affected by a parent’s cancer.

If you have a kid ages 6-18 and your family has been affected by cancer, I’d encourage you to check it out.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Haley Brown.

"The traditional grief support equation is a room full of individuals that are grieving, that are sharing their experiences and generally have a facilitator. And we have found that that is a brilliant model for children and adolescents, and even adults. It's this 18-to-25 year old age group that has really matured out of that model and has not gone back to it. Our young adults want to be active. First off, they don't have time -- with today's pressures, they don't have time to plan that one-a-day, go to a center, sit down, have your feelings, and then disseminate back into their lives. They want to be very proactive. So we encourage our young adults to go hiking, to do a yoga class, to bring a potluck dinner to a location and have that dish be a dish that their loved one enjoyed. So it really creates an invitation to speak about their loved one and to celebrate them. So we are not the traditional facilitated group."

- Fran Solomon, founder of healgrief.org and Actively Moving Forward

I had such a great discussion with Fran Solomon for this episode. Fran is the founder of healgrief.org, which runs Actively Moving Forward, a grief support program for college students with chapters on many campuses.

Fran and I talked all about grief as it relates to college students, including:

The prevalence of grief as an issue for people in this age group;
Why grieving college students are particularly vulnerable;
The purpose of Actively Moving Forward, which is to support and empower grieving college students and young adults to actively move forward through their journey with grief;
The work they are doing on bereavement leave policies for students and the grief sensitive campus initiative;
Resources they have for college students, including a closed facebook group, webinars, and a young adult grief retreat;
The peer-based model that their college chapters use;
How to find out if your campus has a chapter, and the support they provide for starting new chapters;
Some examples of the “Kindness in Action” projects that their chapters do in celebration and in memory of loved ones; and
Some of healgrief.org’s other offerings, such as virtual candle lightings and the virtual “Before I Die…” wall.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Fran Solomon.

"My whole life I had heard people say, oh, you've been through so much, you're so strong. You're so amazing that you were able to move past that and rise above it. But what they didn't understand -- and I didn't understand myself at the time, really -- was that was my coping mechanism, to keep moving so that you didn't have to think about it."

- Kris Marsh

I had such a great discussion with Kris Marsh for this episode. I’ve had listener requests to hear from some people who really struggled after losing a parent at a young age. Kris lost her mom to suicide when she was just 19 years old, and she didn’t get the support that she now realizes she needed. She became, in her words, a “classic overachiever” in order to avoid dealing with her pain and loss. This continued until she approached the age her mom was when she died, at which point she couldn’t avoid dealing with it any longer. I’ll let you listen to Kris tell her story in her own words. She now feels strongly that grieving kids need support, and that just because they seem ok doesn’t necessarily mean they are. I’m so glad Kris was willing to share her story with us.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Kris Marsh.

“One of the things that’s really difficult with loss is staying self-regulated, and being able to take care of ourselves and knowing what it takes to take care of ourselves. And mindfulness can have a really big impact on self-regulation.”

— Emily Irwin

I had such a great discussion with Emily Irwin for this episode. Emily is a therapist and a mindfulness expert based here in Seattle. It seems that mindfulness is all around us these days, so I thought it would be interesting to explore how it might be useful for us as widowed parents, as well as for our kids and teenagers.

Emily and I covered a lot of ground in this discussion:

What is mindfulness, and what it is not;
Some common myths and misconceptions about mindfulness;
How mindfulness can be beneficial for widowed parents and their kids/teens;
Ideas for practicing gratitude, such as a gratitude jar or the gratitude toss;
Considerations for trauma-sensitive mindfulness;
What is neuroplasticity, and how it is something that benefits us through our entire lives, not just when we’re young;
How some early research shows that mindfulness has the potential to help improve teens’ resilience to stress; and
Tips for practicing self-compassion, and why it’s so important.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Emily Irwin.

"As activities or writing projects come up, gift-making for parents around these days, we can help prepare our children for what is the language you want to share. And even help a child come to an understanding that, yep, you've still got a mom, your mom's not walking on the earth, that her body has stopped working. She died. And it's okay to honor that she's your mom, and what she looked like, and how darn much she loved you, and that she really liked Skittles and daisies and whatever it might be, that you all used to sing this one song together. It's okay to still call her your mom and it's okay that you cry when those activities come up and it's okay to make her a card, and it's okay to include her in pictures where you're drawing a family picture. In the same way any of us claim relationships, you can still claiming these relationships. It's still your relationship."

Dr. Tina Barrett

I had such a great discussion with Dr. Tina Barrett of Montana’s Tamarack Grief Resource Center for this episode. Tina is a nationally recognized specialist in outdoor-based grief support programs. She co-founded Tamarack, and has run grief programs and camps for over 20 years. With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day right around the corner, I invited Tina to speak with us about ideas for approaching these holidays, and so much more. We talked about:

Tina’s dissertation and research findings on how outdoor-based grief support can be beneficial for grieving youth and adults;
Programs offered by the Tamarack Grief Resource Center, including grief groups, youth overnight and day camps, Women’s Rendezvous, Men’s Retreat, and Family Camp;
Why both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day might be hard, whether it’s mom or dad who died;
Practical ideas for honoring Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, whether you have young children or teens;
Tips on approaching school activities around Mother’s / Father’s Day, such as writing assignments and art projects;
Different grief styles, and how important it is to understand and recognize that people, including kids, grieve in different ways; and
The difference between self-care and self-indulgence.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. Tina Barrett.

"The one thing I would have to say about giving a parent advice on what to tell their child is that they don't have to live with this guilt for their entire life. I would advise parents to still encourage their kids to be happy, and not make their parent's death their identity. But I would also say that they need to acknowledge it because it is a part of their life. And they don't have to be sad forever if they don't want to be. Giving them that freedom, and that encouragement, is something that I was kind of told, and I think that hearing those words really did help me." - Riley Elliott

I had such a great discussion with Riley Elliott for this week’s show. Riley lost her dad to brain cancer when she was just 7 years old. As a widowed parent, I always think it’s helpful to hear the perspectives of people who are now adults and who lost a parent when they were a child or teenager. It’s not like it’s going to tell me exactly what my kids will go through, but it gives me a lot to think about and be on the lookout for, and helps me figure out how to support them better.

Riley and I discussed:

Wanting to feel “normal” growing up and not wanting to be treated differently because her dad died;
Finding it difficult to know what to say to new people about her family’s situation;
Gaining perspective, including wanting to get more out of life from an early age;
How her family has turned grief into action by getting involved in the brain cancer world;
and so much more.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Riley Elliott.

"To newly widowed parents: be very tender, kind, with yourself and give yourself what you need in that moment to be where you are. There's nothing to fix. So often our culture and community tries to have us bypass and to get better and to function and to do well. Give yourself some tenderness and be kind to yourself and really honor where you are."

Marni Henderson

I had such a great discussion with Marni Henderson for this episode. Marni is the founder of Coalesce Discovery and Sunrise Retreats, is a licensed health educator and a Life Reentry practitioner, and is a widowed mom herself.

Marni and I discussed her journey as a widowed parent, including:

How her husband told her before he died that it wasn’t her time to go, and this kept her going in the early months;
The decision to send her boys back to school after homeschooling them while her husband was sick;
How deciding to move became her first early step back into life;
How a school trip to Belize became a big “aha moment” for her and her boys;
Some tools in the Life Reentry Model; and
Developing Sunrise Retreats to create a space for widows to connect and to feel a flicker of hope – including retreats specifically for widowers and for those widowed by cancer.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Marni Henderson.

“My dad didn't see the best of me, and he didn't get the chance to see what I was capable of. How I can use my stubbornness to be better. And so I decided -- I said, I'm going to show you. Wherever you are, you're looking at me, I'm going to show you that I am going to be better. That I will work in a different way. I will enjoy life. I will not be sad for long. I am angry, and I stayed angry for longer than I expected, but I am not going to be angry for long and I'm not going to be just helpless. I'll figure it out. So I think it turned me 180 degrees. And I know it's hard to say, but when my dad died, I became better. I became stronger. I was more focused. I started to make better decisions. I started to look at building my career in a different way, to build my life in a different way.”

Randah Taher

I had such a great discussion with Randah Taher for this episode. And, today marks a first for the podcast -- the first global episode – as Randah joined us from her home in Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates.

I loved hearing Randah’s journey and her perspective on losing her dad when she was in college, including the impact that has had on her life. She says that after her dad died she became motivated to be a better person and to show her dad what she was capable of. Some other topics Randah and I discussed include:

How missing her dad’s funeral made her grief process harder;
How she ultimately forgave family members for their actions around the time of her dad’s death;
Realizing who her real friends were after her dad died; and
The analogy of the egg, the carrot, and the coffee bean, and how she chose to transform after her loss.

I should add, the audio quality of this episode is a bit, shall we say, “variable.” Maybe that’s what happens when you talk with someone halfway around the world. You may hear some loud-and soft variation in the beginning; stick with it, it does get better later on.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Randah Taher.

"One of the things I love to say to children, no matter what their question is, is that is a great question. Thank you for asking that question. Even if my next words are going to be, "I don't know either." And it's okay. It is hard for parents to say "I don't know" sometimes. But if I am constantly saying, wow, what a great question -- I just think it's keeping that door open so that the child knows they can ask me more questions."

~Sasha Mudlaff, Hamilton's Academy of Grief and Loss

Today we’re going to really focus in on the grief piece of the widowed parenting puzzle. It can be really hard for widowed parents to know how to help their children with their grief, because most of us don’t have much experience, nor any education, in this. And so, I’m really glad to share with you today my discussion with Buffy Peters and Sasha Mudlaff, from Hamilton’s Academy of Grief and Loss in Des Moines, Iowa. Hamilton’s is Iowa’s largest funeral home, and 20 years ago they decided to start providing grief and loss support to their clients and to the broader community as well. And if you’re not in Iowa, not to worry – they have fantastic -- and free -- resources available on their web site. I’ll link to them in the show notes.

I learned so much from talking with Buffy and Sasha. Some topics we covered include:

Handling questions from kids, including when you don’t know the answer;
The importance of telling kids the truth about tough situations;
Language to avoid when talking with kids about death;
Secondary losses experienced by kids who have lost a parent;
Undue burdens that may unintentionally be placed on kids;
Misconceptions that adults may have about children’s grief
Why it’s important for kids to see the adults around them grieve, and modeling healthy grieving;
How children’s grief differs from adult grief; and
Why it’s important for adults to validate kids’ feelings of grief.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Sasha Mudlaff and Buffy Peters.

"I would tell anybody to find some sort of group of people to speak with. People who are somewhat similarly situated so that you can kind of lean on each other as you navigate these waters of uncertainty, because it's rough and it helps having someone you can lean on. Especially with dads who are dealing with other guys who may not be as open to talking about it."

Will Owens

Today I’m so pleased to be sharing with you my discussion with Will Owens. Will is a widowed dad and he has an 8 year old son. It was great to hear his perspective on widowed parenting, and what he finds to be unique challenges as a dad, and also what parts are similar in all of our journeys, whether we are moms or dads who lost our spouses.

Some topics Will and I discussed include:

What it’s like being in a grief group for dads, and whether he finds it worthwhile (spoiler alert: he does!);
Enlisting the moms of his son’s friends to help him navigate school & kid activities;
Taking over household and schedule management, which his wife used to do for their family;
Getting through the first year milestones, including grief triggers that he didn’t expect; and
Trying to be a “good enough” parent, which is a concept that Justin Yopp talked about in episode 9.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Will Owens.

“Research shows that if you take one of your top five strengths and use it in a new way every day for seven days, it's been shown to lift depression for up to six months.”

-Pam Garramone

I’m so happy to bring you my discussion with Pam Garramone. Pam is a positive psychology coach who teaches people how to be happier.

It’s important to note that Pam is not talking about ignoring or minimizing the pain and difficulty of losing a spouse, and being a widowed parent … but rather about some ways to gradually move the needle and to work some happiness into our lives in spite of this.

Pam and I talked about so many interesting topics, including many practical tips for how to be happier…and…how to help our kids be happier. We talked about:

What is positive psychology, and how does it relate to ‘regular’ psychology;
Some tools of positive psychology that can help us become happier;
The VIA character survey, and how to use your signature strengths to lift depression;
Fostering a growth mindset in our kids;
How helping others helps us to feel better;
How social connections can boost happiness; and
The benefits to our lives of increasing our happiness.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Pam Garramone.

"To newly widowed parents, I would say to give yourself a break. Please take care of yourself. Whatever it is that gives you joy or peace or rest, please do that for yourself, and recognize how hard you're working. You are on 24/7 right now. And you deserve a break, you need a break, you're working hard, and if you've made it through today, then congratulations and give yourself a pat on the back, because making it through each day is not easy right now. And it does get easier. It takes time. But it does get easier."

~Katie Barrows-Rempe

I had such a great discussion with Katie Barrows-Rempe for this episode. Katie is actually a very good friend of mine in real life, and I’m so glad she was willing to sit down with me and share her perspective and tips from her 8 years as a widowed parent.

Katie and I talked about so many topics, including:

The importance of lining up help to give yourself a break, and designating regular times to get out of the house;
Cave days for yourself, and hooky days for your kids;
Tips on communicating with kids’ schools, both in the early days and as they get older and change schools;
How her family celebrates birthdays and anniversaries;
Supporting kids through milestones;
Connecting with other widows;
Deciding to start dating after loss; and
Her youngest child having special needs and what that has meant for his grief process.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Katie Barrows-Rempe.

"You've got a very hard job, but not an impossible job. And, really make sure you're taking care of yourself so that you can take care of your kids."

~ Shelly Bathe Lenn

I had such a great discussion with Shelly Bathe Lenn for this episode. Shelly runs The Garden: A Center for Grieving Children and Teens in Northampton, Massachusetts.

Shelly and I had a wide-ranging discussion, covering topics such as:

Helping kids feel safe after loss;
Helping children express feelings after loss;
The importance of commemorating a loved one;
Being truthful with kids, even when difficult circumstances surround a death;
How parents can model healthy grief and emotions;
Running grief groups in schools; and
Book recommendations.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Shelly Bathe Lenn.

“I realized that I wanted to use my pain for purpose. The first thing was, ‘I'm not going to be defeated by this. Caleb's not going to lose both of his parents.’ But then I think as I started to work through and surrender to the journey and say, ‘Well, okay, but how can I use this?,’ because then it would actually honor my husband's life and his death wouldn't be in vain.”

-Karen Millsap

I’m so excited to bring you my discussion with Karen Millsap this week. I mean, you’ve got to love someone with a TEDx talk called “Use your tragedy to change the world,” right?

Karen’s husband Richard was murdered when she was just 29 years old. Her son was 2. After seeing her dreams shattered, and spending the first year in a fog, she realized that she had the power of choice…the power to decide that she was not going to let her life be destroyed by her husband’s death. She also realized that how she handled her husband’s death would have a direct impact on her son’s life and character.

Karen and I talked about so many fascinating topics, including:

Getting herself out of the victim mindset and the “pity party”;
The four pillars of practical empathy;
The HEAL method;
Teaching your kids how to use confidence checkpoints
Transitioning back to work after loss
Using her experience to help others
How in the midst of losing everything she found herself; and
Her plans to help her son turn his pain into purpose as he gets older

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Karen Millsap.

“The greatest gift we can give our teenagers if we can is to be really boring and self-sufficient as parents, to allow them to be the ones whose lives feel a little unsteady and unpredictable and drama-filled. That’s sort of what it means to be a teenager. And so if we can surround them with a pretty stable and boring environment, where we’re meeting our needs in lots of ways that don’t necessarily depend on them, I think that’s a huge gift.”
-- Dr. Lisa Damour, author of Untangled and Under Pressure

I had such a useful and fascinating discussion with Dr. Lisa Damour for this episode. Lisa is a clinical psychologist and is the New York Times bestselling author of Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, and the brand-new Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls.

I’m very glad to bring you my discussion with Lisa for this episode. One of the questions I hear a lot is “how do I know if something is a grief issue or a normal teenage issue?” I figure, since she’s an expert in teenage girls, who better to help us understand our daughters, and to help us understand what “normal” looks like. And then, when we have a better grasp on what’s normal, we can also better understand when we should potentially be concerned.

Lisa and I talked about a wide range of topics:

The seven developmental tasks that teenagers are working on;
Parting with childhood, including what this looks like and when to be concerned;
Joining a new tribe, including why having 1-2 close friends at this age is actually preferable to having a large circle of friends;
Harnessing emotions, including how teenagers’ brains undergo a massive upgrade, beginning with the emotion centers;
Why parents need to be strong enough to withstand their teenager pushing away, and why this is complicated by bereavement;
Serving as the emotional dumping ground for your teenager; and
How stress and anxiety are normal and healthy functions for all people, teenagers included.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. Lisa Damour.

“Grief has a way of seeping from the inside out in the most unexpected ways. Being prepared and open to field unexpected situations, with keeping in mind honoring the deceased parent in that whole picture, is probably one of the most important things that you can bring to the relationship. I believe that remaining open to ways to help a child navigate their grief process is going to be one of the keys to deepening that relationship, which then unlocks the door to so many other wonderful things.”

~Diane Ingram Fromme, author of Stepparenting the Grieving Child

I learned so much from talking with Diane Ingram Fromme for this episode. Diane is the author of “Stepparenting the Grieving Child: Cultivating Past and Present Connections with Children Who Have Lost a Parent.” She married a widower with kids, thus becoming a step mom to two young kids who were grieving the loss of their mom. She entered this role full of optimism, and found it much harder than she expected. She couldn’t find any books on stepparenting grieving kids so she did extensive research and decided to write that book herself.

Some of the topics we discussed include:

If the stepparent isn’t ‘replacing’ the deceased parent, what then is their role with the kids;
The importance of the stepparent helping the kids honor and remember their deceased parent;
On still being in the “get to know you” phase after several years;
The stepfamily cycle;
Common stepfamily myths;
The importance of maintaining relationships with the family of the deceased parent; and
Tips for preparing to marry into a widowed family.

If you’re a widow who has remarried, or someone who has married into or is considering marrying into a widowed family, I highly recommend reading Diane’s book. I think you’ll find lots of advice and perspective that will help as you embark on this new phase of your family’s life.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Diane Ingram Fromme.

"Children can be resilient. But we know there are factors that have to do with building resiliency in them. They are not automatically any more resilient than we are, or than anybody is. If anything, they’re very vulnerable to a lot of things. Losing a parent in childhood is one of the most adverse events that can occur in a child’s life. So, to just say they’re resilient, they’ll be fine, is not enough." -- Lane Pease, program director at Kate's Club

I really loved talking with Lane Pease for this episode. Lane is the program director of Kate’s Club in Atlanta and is herself a widowed parent. We discussed so many topics that I found fascinating, and I hope you will, too. Topics we discussed include:

building resiliency in kids after loss;
the balance between maintaining structure & routine and giving your family a break when needed;
when to choose one-on-one therapy vs a peer grief group for your child;
traumatic grief – what is it, and how does it differ from adaptive grief, & signs your child might be experiencing this;
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning;
how the surviving parent’s ability to cope affects the child’s ability to cope;
the importance of open and honest communication with your child regarding cause of death, especially in difficult situations; and
Kate’s Club’s programs (a great resource if you live in Atlanta!).

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Lane Pease.

“It really is about trusting yourself. Trusting your kids. Absolutely get professional help. Get community around you. Whittle down your life to the most essential components if you can. Insulate yourself in a way that prioritizes your time, prioritizes your healing. I think those are the things that I’ve taken most away from this. Be authentic, be kind to yourself, give yourself a lot of grace.”

~ Writer & widowed parent Jeanette Koncikowski on re-partnering after loss

I had a great discussion with Jeanette Koncikowski for this episode. Jeanette is a writer and is a widowed parent. She is writing the book she wishes she had when her husband died.
Jeanette and I had a great discussion on a variety of topics:

Healing from the traumatic circumstances of her husband’s death;
Moving and buying a home on her own 9 months after her husband died;
Starting a new relationship after loss, and figuring out how to move forward together;
Moving forward with a new relationship while honoring your late spouse;
Carving out a role for the step parent that is not replacing the deceased parent;
Learning to bear witness to her kids’ pain rather than trying to fix it;
Realizing that having more than one kid means more than one kind of kid grief; and
Honoring her late husband’s life on his birthday by involving her kids in charity fundraisers.

One more thing – Jeanette is still looking to conduct interviews for her book with a few more widowed dads and widowed LGBTQ parents. If that’s you and you’d like to help, please head over the show notes to find out how to get in touch with Jeanette.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Jeanette Koncikowski.

“You’re not alone. There are many, many people out there going through the same thing as you. You do not have to be perfect. You were not perfect before your husband or wife or partner died, and you don’t need to be perfect now. Give yourself some leeway. Be self-forgiving, and be patient with yourself. You’re going to drop a lot of balls. You’re going to sometimes feel like it’s overwhelming. You’re going to feel like you’re not sure you can do this, or you don’t know how to move forward. You’re going to have questions abound. Rely on your friends and family, even if they can’t fully appreciate it. Give yourself some space; this takes time. There’s no clock on this, no time limit.” - Dr. Justin Yopp

I had such a great discussion with Dr. Justin Yopp of the University of North Carolina for this episode. Justin is a clinical psychologist and is co-author of the book, “The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life.”

I really enjoyed our wide-ranging discussion. It was a fascinating mix of practical and academic, and included some great stories from the widowed dads in the book about their experiences. Some of the topics we covered include: the dual process model of coping and bereavement; post-traumatic growth; the concept of being a ‘good enough’ parent; the unique hardships of being a widowed father; and the research into the needs of widowed parents being conducted at UNC.

By the way, if you’re a widowed mom or dad with kids 18 & under at home, and widowed less than three years, I’d encourage you to answer the survey on their web site…this is such important work and, surprisingly, there is very little research that’s been done on the needs of widowed parents. Look for the link in the show notes for episode 9.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. Justin Yopp.

“Love yourself as fiercely as you can. And let it be what it is. And yes, life will be different, but that doesn’t mean it has to be limited. And just let it unfold. And love yourself through it. No rights, no wrongs, no judgement, no should be farther along than you are, no I’m not parenting well enough, or I should be better or my kids deserve better, or I have to fix it for them. It’s not useful.”
- Krista St-Germain, life coach for widowed moms

I had a fantastic discussion with Krista St-Germain for this episode. Krista is a life coach for widowed moms, a career she started after losing her own husband in a tragic accident. We talked about a number of fascinating topics, including: the differences between therapy and life coaching, and when you should consider one vs the other; how our thoughts create our feelings, and some ways to get started with self-coaching to change our thought patterns; what is post-traumatic growth, and how she sees clients hold themselves back from healing and growth; and about not trying to “fix” negative emotions in ourselves or our kids. Talking with Krista gave me a lot to think about in my own life and my own parenting.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Krista St-Germain.

“You really need to be the parent in their lives still. Now you have to be both parents really. So you have to put in that much extra work. Even though [you’re] grieving, and with the whole world maybe crashing down, you still need to provide that structure and be that parent for that kid, because otherwise it’s going to affect your relationship going forward.” --Austin Shoecraft

I had such an interesting discussion with Austin Shoecraft for this episode. It’s such a privilege to talk to young adults who lost a parent when they were a kid, and talking with Austin really got me thinking about a lot of things, including about my own kids and how to best help them.

Austin lost his dad when he was just 11. He talked about growing up with his dad who was sick for as long as he could remember, and how hard it was not to have a lot of other strong memories since he was so young. He also talked about his experiences with peers, including how he changed schools. Now, as a 26-year-old, he has been attending a grief gathering of young adults called The Dinner Party, and he talked both about how that has helped him and also shared some reflections by the group in response to some questions I had posed to them ahead of time.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Austin Shoecraft.

“You have all the tools inside you to do it. You’re the perfectly imperfect parent to do this with your kiddo. Just talk about it. Just say something. Just open the door. That’s all you have to do. Just start. Start anywhere, and start awkwardly, and don’t feel like you have to have it perfect, because none of us do.” --Therapist & parenting coach Tracey Biebel

I’m very excited today to bring you our first show where we tackle your questions. Some fantastic questions have come in from listeners about moms raising boys after dad has died, or similarly dads raising girls after mom has died. This includes great questions around puberty, including talking with kids about bodies & relationships, and about finding male mentors for boys after dad has died, or vice-versa for girls.

My guest, Tracey Biebel, is a clinical social worker, who is a therapist and family coach, and who deals extensively with these topics in her practice. We covered all sorts of ground, including Tracey’s tips on dating as a single parent, taking your kids to puberty classes, connecting with them as they grow and change, and also book recommendations on these topics for all ages.

A quick note, if you have young children around as you’re listening, you may wish to consider whether you want them to overhear our open and matter-of-fact discussion of these topics.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Tracey Biebel.

"The best thing that I can say, that’s taken me time to come to, is that your family is whole just as it is. And there will be that place of missing, always.… And I really am beginning to understand more and more, even though we’re a two-person family right now, there is so much wholeness of us as a family… Often times to see yourself whole means reaching out, to know you’re not the only one that feels broken, to know you’re not the only one that feels in pain, and you’re not alone in this." - Writer, coach, & widowed mom Carole Marie Downing

I had a fantastic discussion with Carole Marie Downing for this episode. Carole Marie lost her husband when her son was six years old. She wrote a book chronicling her first year of grief called “Singing Beyond Sorrow: A Year of Grief, Gratitude, & Grace”. She is a writer, coach, & facilitator, for widows, and was previously a hospice nurse.

We had a wide-ranging discussion on raising kids after loss, and Carole Marie shared lots of great tips and ideas.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Carole Marie Downing.

“I’ve lived in that isolation and there were times where I thought that was a good place to be. And again it feels good very momentarily, and then you realize there’s no growth and no healing that ever comes from that, at least in my perspective. Be there for each other. That’s kind of what it boils down to.” -Writer Jacob Pippin

I had such a great discussion with Jacob Pippin for this episode.

Jacob lost his mom when he was 3 years old. After that time he was raised by his grandparents. He is now 32 years old and is married with kids of his own, and he also volunteers at a children’s grief center in Orlando.

I loved hearing Jacob’s perspective on growing up after losing his mom, and his reflections on his experience now that he’s an adult. And you know, it’s not like his experience will tell me exactly what my kids are experiencing … but I feel like hearing from a variety of people who have walked the path my kids are walking will help me get some ideas on what they might be going through, and give me some good things to think about.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Jacob Pippin.

“I would say the biggest thing that I learned is that no matter what you’re feeling, it’s ok. If you’re feeling really sad and it’s 12 years later, that’s ok. And that if you’re really laughing and having fun, you don’t need to feel guilty for that. Whatever you’re feeling is really ok. And that I think helped me a lot, and helped my kids a lot too.” ~Widowed parent and blogger Wendy Clough

I really enjoyed my conversation with Wendy Clough for this episode.

Wendy has been a widowed mom of 3 girls since her husband died 12 years ago, and last year she started blogging about her journey. We discussed all sort of things, including Wendy’s advice for talking with the kids’ schools, and milestones & events that can trigger kids’ grief, and her family’s experience with a grief support community in Seattle called The Healing Center.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Wendy Clough.

“There are some, in grief, who immediately throw themselves into pictures and memories. I am not that type of person. It has been 15 months since my sister died, but I still choose not to look at pictures of her. The heartache is too much. It will not always be this way, but this is how I feel now. Despite where I am in my own process, I wanted my nephew to be able to access pictures of his mom whenever he wanted the comfort of her image and to be able to use the photos to maintain or build memories based on our stories about her.” ~Kellyn Shoecraft

I had a fantastic discussion with Kellyn Shoecraft for this episode.

Kellyn lost her dad when she was 20 years old, and more recently lost her sister. Kellyn made a board book for her 2-year-old nephew with pictures of him and his mom, as well as a couple of other books for her young daughter so she could come to know several family members who had died before she really had a chance to know them. During our interview she shared her experience making these books, along with lots of practical tips for both making the books and sharing them with kids, as well as sharing some reflections on losing her dad at such a young age.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Kellyn Shoecraft.

“Live your life the way that you feel called to do it. Parent the way you know your kids because you were created to be their parent. And nobody can take that away from you. And do not listen to the critics, because they will always be there. That advice has stayed with me forever, and it’s something I pass only every single one of my clients.” -Certified grief, health, and life coach Kendra Zierau

I had such a good time interviewing Kendra Zierau for the very first episode.

Kendra is a certified life, health & wellness, and grief coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her husband died of colon cancer about 8 years ago, when her kids were 8 & 9 years old. She has gone on to become a coach with a passion for helping people be healthy from the inside out.

We had a fascinating discussion about her experience as a widowed parent. I hope you enjoy this episode.

Welcome to The Widowed Parent Podcast! I’m having so much fun connecting with such interesting people and putting this show together, and I wanted to just pause a moment and let you know what’s coming. Each week I go out in search of people who can provide advice & inspiration on this 'only-parent' journey, and share what I'm learning with all of you.

https://widowedparentpodcast.com