Third Culture Thriving: Recent Episodes
Karli Von Herbulis
Creating a home culture in another country can be a LOT- so let's do it together! Join me each week as we have short, practical, encouraging conversations about living and thriving abroad.
One of the things I have noticed, both within this specific work and in the broader global worker context, is the tendency to play what I’m going to generally call the “God Card.” The God Card is when, in a conversation, someone says “God told me to do this” and then there is no opportunity for further conversation. It ends with this card, because we can’t argue with “God told me so.” It’s essentially the Christian trump card. And the more towards the “surviving” end of the spectrum someone is, the more likely they are to play this card. It’s also a Hail Mary.
A quick-ish overview of the treasure trove of free resources available for download at thirdculturethriving.com <3
Today, I want to tackle a topic that can be a bit heavy: grief, and particularly displaced grief, grief that we have to take with us. We’re going to do so gently, but I want to remind you: this is a podcast, and you can pause it, turn it off, come back to it, or even skip it if the timing isn’t right for you. You have my full blessing to care for yourself well as you consider the grief you carry.
Today, we are talking about one of the most emotional, difficult, violating things that can happen when we live and work abroad, and unfortunately it’s very common. Nearly everyone I know had a story about a difficult situation with their national workers, whether domestic or ministry staff. The truth is, we are all human and we all make mistakes and let each other down. But how should were handle it when a staff member betrays our trust, or lets you down in a big way? The answer to this will be different from person to person, and from culture to culture. But today, I’m hopeful that we can walk through some questions we can ask ourselves that can bring some clarity and wisdom.
If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, well…you know that there hasn’t been much to listen to in the last year. I’ve been quiet, and while the main reason for that has been purely logistical, I can’t totally blame my silence on my schedule. In truth, another large part of this has been the very deep, intimate, internal work the Spirit has been walking me through. It’s been special and sacred and quiet, and really hasn’t felt like it was to be shared. Only a few friends, and at times only my husband and my professional supports, have been aware of the shifts within my heart, and the deep healing that the Spirit has brought. I’m so grateful.
But, as seasons do, I am beginning to feel the season changing. What has been a quiet winter of introspection and putting down deep roots is now giving way in my heart to a spring of growth and transformation. I feel the energy of the shifts that the Spirit has led me through beginning to reach out to be shared and seen. But, like the first spring leaves, it feels fragile. Vulnerable. Unsure. Like it needs to be protected. Like it’s not sure it’s time yet.
A few months ago, we had the privilege of hosting a dear friend here in our home in Kigali. He also happens to be an extremely talented videographer and media specialists and had come to visit in order to make a mini-documentary about our family to help us fundraise. Cool, right?
A lot of our time together was spent answering questions on camera. Most of them were pretty predictable- when did you fist feel called to work abroad, tell me about your work, how did you feel the Lord leading you into this specific field, what’s your long term vision for your ministry. But one discussion we had stopped me in my tracks, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. The question was this: what would you say your mission is, as a family, here in Rwanda? What unifies all your work and ministry and keeps you here?
My (and everyone's) favorite: what's saving my life! Unfiltered and unedited thoughts about the practices, items, and thoughts that are tipping the scales towards thriving for me right now.
Hi friends. It feels so incredibly good to be back on here with you, after a quite long unplanned hiatus from the podcast. I feel like I owe you some explanations, so, here we go.
I am fresh off of a month of messy travel, and today I want to do a special travel edition of everyone’s favorite episode: what’s saving my life. Because travel is a big part of our lives as global workers, whether we travel often or we travel infrequently but very long trips, and having some tricks up your sleeve can make or break your time. So, here’s some of my favorites.
Today’s episode is an intensely practical one: we are going to explore three different techniques you can use to ground yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed or panicky or even just OFF. Of course, this isn’t just something that global workers struggle with, these things apply to everyone, but it certainly does seem to come up for us, doesn’t it?
Today, I want to take some time to chat a bit about some of the books that have been released in the last few years, specifically targeting global workers. I have read all of these books and they have each blessed me in different ways, and I hope they will bless you, too.
Grit to Stay, Grace to Go (Eenigenburg and Burkholder)
Raising a Family Overseas (Danforth)
The Grief Tower (Wells)
Sacred Siblings (Eenigenburg and Grumelot)
Yet Still We Hope (Hilkemann and Beck)
Liturgies and Laments for the Sojourner (Fallis, Boyce, and Rubinski)
This week, I want to do something a little different than I’ve done before, and guide you through a time of reflection and processing, in hopes that the next few months can be joyful, intentional, and leave you feeling exactly as you’d like to as the year ends. We’ll go through a series of questions and prompts for you to name and think about. You can go at your own pace stopping and starting as needed, or listen all at once and then refer back.
Hey friends, welcome back to Third Culture Thriving. I’m your host, Karli Von Herbulis. I’m a wife and mom living in Kigali Rwanda, where I serve in my local congregation, run this podcast and online ministry, study spiritual direction, and recently was selected to serve as a Regional Director for my sending agency, New International, based in Ft Myers, FL.
But- if you had asked me to write that bio at the beginning of this year and predict what I would be doing for this school year? I would’ve given you a very different picture of my life.
Back in the pilot episode for this season (episode 101) I alluded to my new positions changing my long term plans for Third Culture Thriving, and I want to get into a bit of that today. But first, I want to ask you: have you ever had a dream or calling or vision you were confident in, only to have it change as time goes on and n ever come to fruition quite the way you thought it would?
I didn’t plan to do a sabbatical over the summer, the way that some people plan years in advance when they’ll take an intentional season away from certain professional or ministerial duties. No, my idea to take a sabbatical was born out of the depths of trauma and burnout, and it felt like the only path forward. The last year has been an intense one for me personally, wrought with trauma and conflict and change and challenge. By April, I was completely exhausted and couldn’t fathom what the next months would look like. So I cleared my schedule the best I could, took as many responsibilities off my plate as possible, and gave myself a lot of permission to rest.
The problem was- I didn’t really now what I was doing. I had guidance from my spiritual director and my therapist, and I am grateful for those, but I also was missing one element I have some to believe is key for setting up a meaningful and effective sabbatical: I wasn’t coming from a place of solid Sabbath practice. I work for our church, so Sunday’s aren’t restful for me at all. The weekend is often spent getting ready for Sunday, or doing household chores. I didn’t have a weekly day of rest in my life: how was I supposed to pivot into an entire season of rest?
Yes, I’m saying “summer off” instead of a “sabbatical” for a reason. Because when it came down to it, my sabbatical didn’t go as planned in a number of ways. Today, I’m sharing some reflections and updates from the summer, as well as some of the small rhythms I’ve developed that I’m increasingly grateful for. I hope this will inspire you to reflect on your own last few months with both clear eyes and a thankful heart, whatever life threw your way.
Life feels like a lot right now, both in some overwhelming ways and some great ones, so I feel like it’s best to give you kind of a “state of the soul” today. Both for your information, and my own need for processing. And then, to give you a bit of a manifesto as I enter a summer sabbatical of sorts. Thanks for being here.
This morning, as I was again ruminating on this, coffee in hand, I heard a gentle whisper: “Why don’t you instead ask: what do I desire FOR you?”
My breath caught as I let the question linger quietly in my spirit. Am I asking the wrong question?
What could the Lord desire FOR me, instead of FROM me?
Today, I want to take the time to walk you through resource that we’ve provided for free on our website for over a year now, but we haven’t really devoted a lot of energy to here on the podcast. I hav e heard from a number of you that are making the difficult decision to transition from your host countries back to your home countries this year, and still others who are shifting assignments from one country to the next as is the norm in your field. Many of you are about to go through a major shift, and I want to support you through it.
Last year, we released a resource called “The spaces between nations: a transitions workbook.” This document is over 40 pages of lists to make, journalling prompts, memories to capture, timelines to make, themes to identify, and even packing tips and travel tricks to support you on your journey. It’s a resource that I poured a ton of time and emotion into, as I have watched many of my best friends make these transitions in the last few years. I pray that it will be a blessing to you, too.
In this life overseas, we all journey through these seasons where life feels like too much, but being able to step away and bring it to God feels like just another impossible thing to add to our never-ending to do list. We might even have tools at our disposal, but often we just need something that’s already done and prepared for us. Something we can just plug and play.
So, today, I want to give an unsolicited and unpaid recommendation to the forthcoming Velvet Ashes Online Retreat. The Velvet Ashes team does a really incredible job crafting a beautiful retreat for expat ladies every year, and it’s always a highlight for me.
Today’s episode topic is deeply personal to me, because it’s been a constant battle in my home really since I got married. Today, we’re talking about practically valuing and protecting your family and prioritizing it over your mission. Let’s get into it.
Today, we’re talking about something that you’re all told me is heavy on your hearts and something you don’t always know how to handle: money requests from staff or local friends.
Most of us can make a list of “great things to have in our country” pretty fast by now. Seasoning mixes, seasonal teas and treats, Ziploc bags, essential oils, Western candy and snack foods, makeup and sunscreen and bug spray, passport holders, decaf coffee. We fill our suitcases and our visitors’ suitcases with these things with ease.
But what about some items to really make your life easier? That maybe you haven’t thought about before? Let’s get into it.
Last week, we chatted about different questions you could ask a prospective or current sending agency. On Instagram, you all shared so many more, so I wanted to give you a part 2 episode. In addition, later this week we’ll have a beautiful download on our website of all these questions, organized for you to used. It’s been a great thing to crowdsource, and I’m hopeful that it’ll be useful for our community for years to come!
I’ve adapted the original 30 Days of Prayer and Learning into a Lenten guide, including journaling prompts, sabbath practices, and opportunities to write your own prayers for your host country. Each day, we’ll pray together for a facet of your host country or a relevant topic: for example, for the government, for the lonely, for single mothers. There are also questions top help you dive deeper into this topic with further research into what that looks like where you are serving. What resources are there for single mothers? What is the government really like, and how does it function within the region, or globally? You’ll also have the opportunity to partner with local friends who can add depth and dimension to your understanding.
Here’s the number one thing I want you to keep in mind as you go through this: more than anything else, your supporters need to feel connected to YOU. Yes, they need to understand your ministry and believe in your “why”. But in the end, they need to know your heart, your personality, and be connected and invested in you as a person, as a family. And because of this, not every newsletter needs to be an impact report! I know, mind blowing, right?
Today, we're chatting about how to plan our weeks well. Between non-negotiables like school or meetings, self care time, and goals we are working towards, it can be hard to know what to prioritize. Let's figure it out!
We're also talking about what to expect from TCT in 2023. Plan to join us for our FREE Lent of Prayer and Learning ommunity experience, starting Ash Wednesday, Feb 22.
This year, I’ve been challenged by several wise, older people in my life to move away from a faith that relies on routine and checked boxes, and more towards a faith that is more intuitive and spirit led. Sounds easy, right? But in reality, I relied heavily on very strict rhythms in almost every area of my life to keep myself afloat, including in my faith. And while it worked at a base level, it wasn’t the liberating, life giving faith experience I knew God wanted to give me.
So, as I go into this Advent season, I’m considering what to fast or what to adopt with this intuitive, spirit-led faith in mind.
As we get to know how the church operates in another culture, it’s to be expected that we find new ways that the Gospel manifests itself, often that are very different from how we have seen the gospel presented in our own cultures. Some things that are only tangentially important to our culture’s interpretation of the gospel are much more important and central where we find ourselves now, and other central parts of our own faith become secondary in our new culture. Of course, there are the basic tenants of christianity that shouldn’t change from culture to culture. But often, there are “grey areas” that are more nuanced and can look very different ways in very different places!
The last time I put out a call for episode topics, I got a number of responses about having realistic expectations for ourselves, how to grieve the loss of our capacity and ability to whip through a to-do list, and reframing success. Friends, today I’d like to introduce you to a little something I call the “minimum successful day.”
Much of this life is just not absolute. There are lots of uncertainties, lots of grey areas, lots of things changing all the time. We find one rhythm that feels like it works for us, and then something changes and throws that off. We think we’ve found the right house staff, but our needs change. Flight prices go up, roads close, your favorite cereal isn’t imported for a few months, pandemic regulations shake up your plans. It can be easy to feel a bit unmoored often in your life overseas. Things rarely stay consistent.
So today, I want to encourage you to do something: just, try things out. Experiment. Explore. Don’t commit to a certain rhythm or make decisions quickly. Take time to see what feels good. See what sticks.
Today, I want to do something a little different. I want to give you three metaphors that I’ve found useful as I’ve traveled through similar phases of acedia myself, that you can use for personal meditation, prayer, or journaling. My hope is that these metaphors will help you see your host country as the gift that it is for your journey, and that you would come to appreciate the beauty in the Lord’s bringing you here in this timing, for his purposes and delight.
Today’s episode is part book review, part hearty book endorsement. I first read the book The Wisdom of Stability by Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove fairly soon after it’s release. You may know his name from his association with Shane Claiborne and the New Monastics movement, and as such, he is a truly perfect person to write a book about staying put.
Today is a big one, friends. If you’ll permit me, I want to gently and graciously tackle one of the biggest questions I get in my work with Third Culture Thriving: should I stay, should I go? How do I know when it’s time to leave my host country?
I want start by saying that I do not intend to give your any kind of answers or even framework for finding answers here. Simply, I want to give you some questions to think through and remind you of some truths as you journey through this difficult question.
Finding time to quiet ourselves and process our lives can be a challenge. Our lives overseas can be chaotic, unpredictable, and demand so much from us. And when we do find that space, often we find ourselves so overwhelmed with all of our thoughts and feelings, it can be difficult to figure out where to begin.
Our lives feel like one big jumble in our brains. Where do we start?
Introducing the Third Culture Thriving journaling and reflection deck
A simple, beautiful, intentional tool to help guide your times of processing and quiet.
The status quo, the way it’s always been done is only helpful if it’s truly helping everyone. If it’s not? Remember your agency. The health of your family and ministry are the most important, and from that will flow the goodness of the Lord’s calling for you in your host country. Remember your agency, and make the shifts you need.
In keeping with our September Intentions Project theme of Patience, a replay of a popular early TCT episode.
To set the tone here, what constitutes a dirty home and what clean will mean to any of us is entirely subjective. So rather than outlining a cleaning schedule for you in this episode, instead I’m going to talk through some principles that you can think about or questions that you can ask yourself, that will help you create your own plan off action. Ready?
We talk often about the tension between wanting to be as generous as possible and also needing to maintain healthy boundaries. While this is a worthwhile conversation to have, it’s one that is centered solely around our comfort and ability to be healthy and continue to give. It’s necessary to also look at the other side of this situation- how our generosity affects the people on the receiving end.
Is stayng or going constantly on the table for you, because you don't have any specific term commitment? Consider instituting your own terms of commitment and times of reevaluation!
Today’s episode is a quick and practical one- 5 quick health tips for you, wherever you find yourself in the world, no supplements or equipment or crazy things needed. Let’s go!
In keeping with our monthy Intentions Project theme of Rest, a replay of one of TCT's popular early episodes.
Many of us have just slogged through the emotional minefield that is leaving season. Hard goodbyes and identity crises abounded for us, but we’ve made it.
But for some of us, this season brings new adventures. It’s arrival season! Families transitioning to new countries are settling in and finding their footing. So, hey! Today’s episode is for all of you. Here’s five things to do in your first month abroad.
A quick episode about what leaving and loving well can look like- from the stayer's perspective. A collection of thoughts on what I've seen people do well over the years, and how a "leaver" can be kind and thoughtful to their inner circle as they go.
In keeping with this months Intentions theme of REST, we're replaying a favorite episode from very early on in the podcast.
Over the years, I’ve shared my story of struggling living abroad and coming out the other side (as much as one can, I guess) in bits and pieces. Most notably, the pilot episode talks about this in a lot of detail. It was a lot of really strategic intentional work that got us to this place, and a number of intentional choices were made that increased out longevity on the field- and today, I want to talk specifically about those things.
Maybe you’re finding yourself in a trying season this year. Maybe it’s like mine, where you’re grieving the departure of friends or colleagues. Maybe you’re grieving the death of a dream of some kind, or an unwanted shift in focus, or something you’ve been praying for that isn’t coming to fruition. Maybe you’re leaving the field, but it’s the last thing you want to do. I encourage you, dear friends- grieve these things. Feel them deeply. Let them shape you. But also- lean into where God is clearly moving around you.
I feel like nobody really talks about how difficult the re-entry back to your host country can be. Yes, jet lag can be brutal, but theres also an emotional wall we can hit when we return, and it can be incredibly challenging and discouraging- and it can hit even if we are incredibly happy and ready to be back in our host country. Today, I want to share some thoughts about re-entry, both practical and philosophical, to hopefully support you and your family for a smoother time when you return!
After a brief hiatus for summer travel, TCT is back with a fun episode about the 10 things saving my life right now. I'd love to hear yours!
As we wade through the many places where we can be generous and have profound effects on the people around us, may we be lead by the Spirit and walk in obedience to his calls. May we be wise and discerning, seeking to build up the people around us rather than solve an inconvenient problem. May we be creative and insightful, understanding the implications of generosity and seeking the best way to help those around us, even when it isn’t obvious. And may we always look to the example of Christ, who gave himself up for us, because it was the only way.
On today's episode, we are discussing the idea of "borrowing prayers", plus I'm sharing my favorite prayer books.
What if strength of faith isn’t shown in having all the answers or blindly moving forward, but in the ability to doubt and question and wrestle and beat our chests, in communion with Christ and acceptance of his goodness and love for us? What if the growth of our faith depends on this honestly and vulnerability, instead of running away from it?
It’s the beginning of the year and my inbox, podcast feed, and social media is flooded with posts about simplifying and decluttering. Which sounds utterly magical. Until. I remember that a lot of this hoarding is not just purposeful, but necessary.
Friends, decluttering and simplifying is a whole different beast when you live abroad. But I’m here to tell you- it IS possible. You just need a plan for all your things. And I’m here to help!
This month’s intention is Endurance. Why START with endurance? Isn’t that an intention for the middle or last stretch of a project?
I think we are weary. The last few years have not been gentle to us, and we don’t feel like we are at a fresh beginning of a life stage. Instead, we feel smack in the messy middle of a lot of stress, overwhelm, and unknown. We need the perspective shift, to remind ourselves of whose we are and what we are promised in the hard spaces.
I’ve used a number of different reflection and goal setting systems in years past, but none of them felt perfectly suited for our life overseas. So this year, I created my own, just for us third culture ladies. I’m so excited to share it with you all today!
Each time I ask for ideas for upcoming topics, someone always puts in “how to make friends with locals”. Did we all think that was going to be a lot easier than it is? When I look back, I think this was my most naive moment as I began my life in another culture. I can still see the stars in my eyes as I imagined the community I would have. A community that is, to be honest, nothing like the community I have in Rwanda today. And that’s not a good thing. But I think it’s where many of us find ourselves.
Nothing brings your personal waste into full focus like moving to a country with no recycling system, where trash is either rifled through by your neighbors or, more likely, burned in your backyard.
A lot of these tips are mainly geared towards females, as you probably could’ve guessed. But there are lots of tips and suggestions for the whole household, too. Let’s get into it.
We’ve talked about self care on this podcast before. While it’s definitely a buzzword, and often conjures up unattainable images of candlelit baths with large glasses of wine, I do think self care is essential for thriving, wherever we are. But today, I want to address another layer of the self-care conversation that I think often gets glossed over: how we often “triage” our souls with self care and quick-fix rest, and don’t actually treat the deeper issue of a lack of habitual, preventative rest.
At some point in our lives overseas, we all hit a point of exhaustion, and usually due to culture stress. They are often intertwined, even if they seem like they are separate things. Having an arsenal of coping strategies is incredibly important, and something that we should all be cultivating as we learn and grow in our roles in our host countries.
Today, I’m going to share what I feel are some of the most important / impactful coping mechanisms, things we should all learn about and implement when we can.
Today we’re diving into one of the most requested topics for this show: tending to your marriage while living in a new culture.
I’m gonna just preface this entire thing with the necessary disclaimers: I am not a counselor or a professional in any way related to this field. I have been married for 12 years, attended a few marriage conferences, read a number of books, and had my share of marriage counseling. While this is obviously me speaking out of my own experience, it is experience that’s been intentional and hard fought. Yet- it is still mine.
What do you do, if you feel like you’re a bad missionary? (or insert your label here!)
If this is you, or has ever been you, I want you to close your eyes for a minute and picture yourself in a cozy little cafe, curled up in your favorite sweater, drinking your favorite hot beverage, sitting across from me. I see your heart, and I hear how much you are hurting. I ache for you as you share the guilt and embarrassment you feel, or the questions you have in your heart. Let's talk it out
Friends, as you move through this life overseas, you need all the community you can get. I pray that as you build relationships and flesh out what community would look like for you, that you would be blessed with people you can walk alongside, encourage, share burdens with, and celebrate with. Maybe the cohort idea will be a tool to you- I hope that it is!
It’s the hallmark phrase after a mission trip. “Meeting this person changed me.” “Seeing the other side of the world made me reexamine my life.” Or “I can’t think about this or see this the same way again” You’ve felt it. I’ve felt it.
I think it hits another level for us as we live overseas long-term. When we make our homes in another country, and we become with another culture, it gives us a perspective shift. We don’t see things the same way. It’s good. Beautiful. Necessary. Holy. And really hard.
The events and milestones I miss in the lives of family and friends
The opportunities I know I might not get
The community that moves on
The parents that age while we are away
The resources we could have access to
The friends my kids could’ve had
The vibrant church community we are missing
The celebrations we could’ve had
The friends we could’ve done life with
Friends, it’s heavy. Saying yes to a life overseas means knowing that there’s a life we could’ve had, that we are missing out on.
It's been a few months since we had regular episodes, so today we're looking ahead to what season 3 will hold, updating on life a little, answering listener/follower questions, and briefly discussing pandemic travel at the end. Thanks for listening, so excited for this season!
The nature of this expat life dictates that I only make it back to my passport country about once a year. This means that I usually (with a few exceptions) need to bring back clothes, toiletries, gifts, special foods, and supplies for my whole family for a year. The longer we live here, the better we get at finding decent things locally, but still- the prepping mindset is very real. And many of you travel back at even longer intervals. Where is the line between hoarding, and being prepared?
Somewhere along the line, I realize that every trip back to my passport country went better if I did these two things before I arrived. If I decided on my boundaries ahead of time, and they were clear to all involved, everything would be more peaceful. And if I put time into making a bucket list to keep some fun injected into the trip, I could be sure memories were being made and that the things I daydream about doing when I return actually came to fruition.
In this episode, I am interviewing my dear friend, Shelbye Renfro. Shelbye has lived in Kigali for over five years, where she serves as the field director for Word Made Flesh Rwanda and created Kundwa Collective, a beautiful social enterprise. We're chatting all things holistic development, simple living, and serving as a single today!
Celebration can be a tricky thing for us expats. The things we’ve always celebrated- birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas- these look pretty different than we are used to. We aren’t present with our loved ones to celebrate their special days or achievements. And for us in this new, foreign life, it can seem like ages go by without celebrating much at all. So how can we inject a little bit more celebration into 2021, regardless of where we find ourselves?
One of the most painful parts of forging a life overseas is the way relationships change after you depart. The world keeps turning wherever we are, and life moves on. Our kids grow up away from our families, our friends find new friends, our churches find new leaders, distance distorts memories and connections, and my gosh it’s painful.
When does the title “missionary” apply? I’ve lost the definition at this point. Do I get to say that I’m a missionary, because I’m fundraising for my salary, even though technically I work in marketing and my primary ministry is to other expats? Does my friend, who chooses to live here and work remotely so she and her husband can pour into this community, get to say that she’s a missionary? What about my entrepreneur friend, who has started an artisan cooperative? The nurse? The pilot? The restauranteur?
Sabbath rest is so hard. It’s hard anywhere, but I feel like it’s especially difficult for those of us living outside of our home cultures. Often, it’s because everything feels like work. Or is more work. Or we bring our work home with us because home is work and there are no boundaries and everything is mushy.
How do we make Sabbath happen in our host countries? Let's talk about it.
What is a rule of life? Essentially, it’s a set of rhythms you commit to throughout the year. Some of these are daily, some are weekly; others are seasonal and even yearly. They can be small things, or big ones- but they should be thoughtful and intentional. They don’t necessarily need to be centered around accomplishing certain goals, but they can be. For this episode, I’m going to walk you through my personal rule of life, in hopes that it will inspire you to create your own.
In this episode, I interview my dear friend Rachel Carroll. Rachel is the Managing Director of Turambe Shoppe, Founder of Together Table Company, wife of Chase, mama of Charlie, and Kigali resident of 4.5 years. We're talking about moving overseas as accompanying spouses, working in the private sector rather than with a church, finding a church home, and transitioning to motherhood in a third culture. Join us!
It’s January, and I imagine you’re just as sick as I am of getting emails about goal setting. And yes, this is an episode about goal setting, and I’m sorry. I promise- this is about goal setting for US!
We, who are making our lives in a country that isn’t our own. There are specific things we have to handle in our lives, different areas or focus that we have to attend to that traditional goal setting often doesn’t cover. Let’s talk about it a bit!
Welcome to Season 2! In this episode, I'm sharing the state of things in my own home in Rwanda, what I've got planned for 2021, and the best books I read in 2020 (in a number of genres!)
In Part 2 of our series on house / domestic staff, we discuss how to find the right person, hire them, and how to set you both up for a successful relationship. Tips on training, trial periods, interviewing, and more!
Part one of our series on hiring domestic / house staff as an expat. In this episode, we discuss identifying what you actually need to hire for, what type of person you're looking for, how much you should pay and what amenities you should provide. All the prep work to make the actual hiring process as smooth and successful as possible!
Living in Rwanda, I get asked for food and money by children almost daily. In a global pandemic, this has become even more pressing of an issue to so many in our communities. My usual move is to buy something small at a nearby shop- a package of peanuts, some remade waffles or a loaf of bread. But, over the years, the inevitable jadedness has creeped in and I’ve found myself wondering- am I doing good? Am I causing more harm? How can I do this better? Do I continue to give and give and buy and share?
As I was writing some other episodes for this show, I came across a very similar journal entry of my own- one that I had typed up in a flurry of feelings, likely to never be posted anywhere- but I remember just wanting to get what I was learning down and out of my head. I want to share this entry- written about three years ago- with you today. I hope it blesses you.
So much of learning to live and thrive in a new culture is chaotic and unpredictable. But- we all have to eat! Whether you’re a faithfully serving single or a devoted mama of many, meals are an integral part of our day- and honestly, a big part of thriving!
Gradually, I adjusted my meal plans to include more locally available foods and to really center around ease and convenience. I also got strategic about planning and shopping to take as much pressure off of myself as possible. I’ve learned a lot along the way, and I’m excited to share some of my top tips with you today!
I’ll never forget telling my counselor how I was struggling with being kind and giving time to my housekeeper- every interaction just felt too stressful, like I didn’t have the bandwidth. And yet, she was the one Rwandan that I saw and interacted with every single day! But I realized that all my stress was being spent on the stress of driving a long, congested way- and when I would get home, I had nothing left to use to be kind and build that relationship. “I just need to be able to not be stressed about things that don’t matter- so that I can step into the difficult things that DO matter!” I told her, exasperated. This realization eventually allowed me to see that I needed to give myself a fighting chance, and identify the changes we could make to move closer to thriving.
What do we mean when we say "thriving"? Living overseas as an expat mom looks really different for all of us- where we live, what we do, how long we'll stay- all of these things can change the definition. Today, we're talking about our working definition for this podcast, and what that means for you.
Hello friends, and welcome to Third Culture Thriving. I’m your host, Karli Von Herbulis, coming to you this morning from Kigali, Rwanda- and I’m so excited that you’re here for our very first episode!
To start us off today, I want to give you kind of an overview- both of who I am and why I’m starting this podcast, and what I hope for this community to be. This is a project that is near and dear to my heart, as both podcasts and community have been a big part of my healing and thriving as a third culture mama, and I hope to bring those together here for us.