Rapid Fire: Marriage Straight Talk: Recent Episodes
Robert Cossick
Rapid Fire is short, to the point and goes straight to the issue. NO sugarcoating, NO protecting egos ... just man to man. Episodes are 5-7 minutes. For more information and to hear older episodes, visit www.HonorTheVow.com
Sports fans are often more competitive than the athletes themselves, especially when it comes to defending their teams. Spouses can be just as competitive with each other, especially when defending their opinions.
When it comes to celebrating sports teams, people can get a bit crazy. When it comes to celebrating our marriages, we can get a bit crazy as well. An Estimated $18 billion was spent on Valentine’s Day in 2017. But unlike our passion for sports, too often our passion for our spouses is forced or mandated.
Have you ever made your wife cry? Do you know how to make your wife cry? In this episode, we discuss how to make your wife cry, in a good way.
How trustworthy are you? Studies found that you must follow through on 90% of your promises to be considered trustworthy. If you want to build or rebuild trust in your marriage or any relationship for that matter, take extra care to think through your ability to honor your word before you give it. Intending to do something, unfortunately, is not worth anything.
We have only 24 hours in a day and after sleep, work, kids activities, and chores we're lucky if we have even an hour remaining for our spouses. In reality, we typically have more pull on our time than we have to offer and it's our spouses that suffer the most. Learn how to avoid that cycle in this episode.
A puppy love marriage is built on short-lived interactions of affection toward each other. When our spouses give us their attention, we get excited, energetic, and much more affectionate. However, when their attention is consumed by something else, we can feel abandoned, lethargic, and unaffectionate toward them.
The original design for marriage is quite simple, leave your father and mother and become one with your wife. Even though that design was penned around 1446 BC, many couples today are still confused about what becoming one actually means. In this episode we break it down for you.
Within marriage, entrapment is when you set up a situation whereby your spouse is almost guaranteed to fail. In other words, you put your spouse in a situation where there is a high probability they will disappoint you.
Do you remember your wedding vow? Regardless of whether or not you remember exactly what you said, do you at least remember what the vow represented? The wedding vow is an important part of the marriage ceremony but to be honest, most couples don't really understand what the vow represents. In the episode we explain what the wedding vow actually represents and why both spouses are required to agree to it.
In this episode I discuss how the concept of a bellhop can be applied to your marriage by leaving your baggage at the back door.
What does lemonade have to do with Marriage? A lot, actually, since both have ingredients that are a bit sour. In the episode, learn how much sugar is needed for the sweet times to overpower the sour ones.
Resolutions are nothing more than a wish unless you have a plan. When it comes to putting together a plan, especially for a great marriage, the trick is to take baby steps and to be flexible.
The urban use of the term ‘Gold Standard’ identifies something as the model of excellence, the highest standard, and the best something can be. The ‘Gold Standard’ for the expression of love in marriage is found in the Bible in First Corinthians chapter 13.
The holiday season can bring with it a lot of stress. A 2011 study found that 1 in 5 couples who choose to split up, do so in the month of December. In this episode we discuss how to avoid stress and the arguments that come with it.
If we are going to get gifts this holiday season, we might as well get the gifts we really want. Learn how to get what you really want this year.
8 out of 10 Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, yet the average person will spend over $900 on gifts in the next couple of month. In the episode we discuss how to financially survive the next couple of months.
Communication is about emotions, not just the facts. This is true when sharing about a good time as well as when discussing an issue that’s placing a strain on the marriage. However, it is much more critical to understand this when dealing with the latter, meaning the issues.
When it comes to marriage, the concept of endurance training is somewhat applicable. Not in the sense of physical exercises, but in the sense of emotional exercises. Our lives get very hectic and if we don't incorporate some recovery time, we will burn out at the expense of our marriage.
General advice is very helpful. It gives you an idea of where you need to place your focus and what areas you should seek more personal advice. Personalizing general advice to can lead to very different applications. In this episode, we'll look at how being a doormat in one marriage was a good thing and how it was destructive in another one.
I really do have a picture perfect marriage. Not because my marriage is made up of nothing but perfect pictures, but because I’ve chosen to put just the perfect pictures in the album that I keep in my minds eye.
If couples could see the depth of the pain, I believe many of them would understand just how much they really do love each other. If they could just learn to measure the depth of their love by the depth of their pain they may just be willing to give it one more shot, one last run at turning their marriage around.
To whom should you turn when you need marriage advice? In this episode I discuss why you should avoid advice from family and friends.
Which of these two statements is true: A GOOD marriage produces a HAPPY spouse or A HAPPY spouse produces a GOOD marriage? We'll break these down and I'll provide some insights the will hopefully help you to a Happy and Good marriage.
Marriage is difficult, it's hard work, and it's complicated. Have you heard or even said things like that? Well, I don't think marriage is difficult or hard work or even complicated. In this episode, I explain why I believe that to be true.
What makes a good marriage good. Why are some marriages able to handle stress better than others? Why do some couples just seem to get along with each other better and why do some marriages thrive where others fail?
At some point, and more likely, at several points, life is going to throw a few curveballs at you. This is true in life and it's true in marriage. When trials come, when your marriage gets hit with a curveball, there are only two options: push away from each other or hold each other up.
Chapter 12: Appendix, 30 x 30 Challenge. “For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide” -Robert Cossick. Sometimes, something as simple as a walk can radically transform your marriage. In this episode, you'll learn more about this transformational challenge.
Chapter 11: Final Word, This Is Not A Game. “For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide” -Robert Cossick. The fight for your marriage will be the toughest battle of your life. However, a successful campaign offers the greatest rewards. You can do this.
Chapter 10: Real Life, Riding Out The Storms. “For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide” -Robert Cossick. One of the toughest battles you’ll face is the battle for your marriage because you’re going to experience heavy turbulence multiple times. This is going to be tough, and at times the pressure will seem unbearable.
Chapter 9: Gifts From The Heart. “For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide” -Robert Cossick. What do gifts really say to your wife? Does it say: I thought of you, I appreciate you, and I love you? We certainly think so. But, what does the gift itself say. Does it say, I got you this because I had to or it's the first thing I saw? In this episode, we discuss how to give gifts that actually say what you mean for them to say.
Chapter 8: Emergency Exits. “For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide” -Robert Cossick. Arguments are never fun. I’m not talking about debates; I’m referring to heated discussions where voices are raised, blood pressure is elevated, and feelings get crushed. Since these will happen from time to time, I'm going to suggest a couple of rules you can implement to help minimize the damage and expedite the recovery process.
Chapter 7: Smoke & Mirrors (Four Steps Backwards, Two Forward) “For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide” -Robert Cossick. Spouses use ‘smoke and mirrors’ to hide or disguise their true feelings to avoid being emotionally hurt. This is especially true when the marriage is at or close to the divorce stage. In this episode, we breakdown the process to seeing through the smoke.
Chapter 6 - Wall (Protecting and Destroying Marriages Every Day). “For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide” -Robert Cossick. All marriages contain both positive and negative walls to some extent. In this episode we discuss different types of walls, why they exist, and how to safely tear them down.
Chapter 5 - Getting Past the Past. “For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide” -Robert Cossick. If what has happened up to now in your marriage is going to be a factor going forward, you’ll never get past the past. In this episode, learn about forgiveness how to move past a past hurt.
Chapter 4 - Why Him, Why Her. “For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide” -Robert Cossick. Joe was married to Katy for eighteen years. They were both burned out on the cycle of ups and downs. Neither wanted a divorce, but neither knew what to do next. In this episode we discuss how to get historical…in a good way.
Chapter 3 - Take Ownership of Your Marriage. “For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide” -Robert Cossick. Frank and Alice were married over twenty years and had been to several counselors over the course of their marriage. My solution for their marriage was to no longer meet with them. Find out why in this episode.
Chapter 2 - Fired Up About Marriage. "For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide" -Robert Cossick. Half the battle to have a passionate and thriving marriage is won or lost with attitude, because your attitude will drive the level of your effort.
Chapter 1 - A Practical and Quick Reference. "For The Honor of The Vow - Field Guide" -Robert Cossick
Have you settled in your marriage? In this episode, we discuss why couples settle for a mediocre marriage and how to make it better.
Should you have to prove your love for your spouse? How about this follow on question...How do you prove your love for your spouse? We tackle both of these questions in this episode.
I want to discuss a relatively sensitive topic today that causes all kinds of issues in a marriage….Happiness. Why would the topic of happiness be a sensitive issue? Simple, because many couples think it's their spouse's job to make them happy. In the episode, we will discuss whose job it is.
Words are powerful things and unfortunately, once they are out there, there's no taking them back. When it comes to words, several areas need to be addressed such as before they ever come out, what to do when they do come out and how to get beyond what was said. We’ll address all three areas in this episode.
Marriage is hard. A phrase uttered often by couples. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are nine simple guidelines to developing and maintaining a great marriage. And, they all start with the letter A to make it even simpler.
Collateral benefits are unintended or unexpected benefits from actions toward another person. These benefits can be very influential. Because they are unintended, they are typically received as genuine and not fabricated.
I want to ask you a question that I hope you will carefully consider. If you are honest in your answer, this question will provide great insight into the current state of your marriage. And, it will provide you with a view of how you can improve your marriage regardless of how strong or weak its current state.
When you said, “I do” you committed to marrying the whole package, warts and all. Warts, or flaws, are those annoying things that just grate on you after a while, especially after the infatuation fades a bit in your relationship. In this episode we discuss how to deal with warts that won't go away.
Regardless of the state of your marriage, there’s one rule of thumb that always applies, if you want to improve your marriage, you have to be seriously intentional about it.
The best gifts you can give your kids, especially your daughters, is to love their mother. When I say love their mother, I’m not talking about just saying it, I’m talking about living it.
We celebrate all kinds of things. Some celebrations are big and long lasting. Other celebrations are smaller and in a more intimate setting. Regardless of the venue, to celebrate someone is to give him or her praise, and to confirm his or her importance. How well do you score in this important areas of marriage?
Zealous means, ‘one who is eagerly devoted or deeply committed to a person or thing.’ It means to be passionate, excited, and on-fire for. In this episode we explore the question, “What if all of us were zealous for our marriages and our spouses?”
Great marriages typically don’t just happen, they take work. if you want a great marriage or just a greater marriage, you need to lay the groundwork and that groundwork is rooted in feelings.
Where do you start when a couple tells you that this is the last chance? I start with asking, "Do you despise your spouse or the current state of your marriage?" If it's the latter we can fix that and in this episode we start with the failures themselves.
Being out of work can result in excessive pressure on even a strong marriage. But, if your marriage is struggling, it can lead to its total destruction. In this episode we discuss ways to prevent financial stress from ripping your marriage to pieces.
I want to discuss a touchy topic today because too many couples have no idea how to handle this topic and it is one of the top five areas of tension in a marriage. I am talking about in-laws. All too often the in-laws are at the heart of the failure of a marriage.
We come into a marriage with Expectations that were formed from all kinds of sources. For every Expectation there is a corresponding Reality. Sometimes those two parts are very close together meaning…what we expected is pretty close to what is actually happening. Other times, these two parts are miles from each other and we have a huge gap between them. In this episode we discuss how to close the gap.
The first rule when dealing with Threats to a marriage is...protecting egos and pride is a waste of everyone's time. Threats will kill a marriage and just about any attempt to save a marriage, so they have to be eliminated immediately and completely.
When it comes to opportunities…it all comes down to perspective. When an opportunity presents itself, it can have a positive or a negative impact on the marriage depending on how you perceive and react to it. In this episode we discuss how to identify an opportunity and react to it in a way that will improve your marriage. We also discuss what to do when you miss an opportunity.
Strengths are characteristics, personality traits, habits, etc. that are foundational to the success of the marriage. However, many times couples feel powerless in overcoming or stoping weaknesses. The weaknesses we are talking about here are areas where one or both of the spouses are just not strong. In this episode we discuss how to use both to improve your marriage.
Similar techniques to the turnaround of a company can be applied to the turnaround of a marriage as well. The first step is to stabilize the marriage then assess the marriage. The latter is accomplished using the business tool, S.W.O.T analysis (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats). In this series we apply each component of this business tool to the turnaround of a marriage.
The Biblical love triangle for a marriage includes: the husband, the wife and God. In this episode we discuss what it means to put God in the center of your marriage and how to actually do that.
Today I’m am going to teach you how to get away with lying. Actually, that’s not true, but I do discuss secrets in marriage and how to rebuild trust once it is broken.
Commitment is not only about honoring a promise, it also about your attitude in fulfilling that promise. Your Commitment is also the direct outward expression of your integrity. Integrity is doing what is right even when no one is watching and fulfilling a promise even when the recipient of that promise doesn’t deserve it. Commitment is honoring your word for no other reason than because you gave your word.
If you want to influence anyone to do anything, the best advice I can give you is to live it out yourself.
Communication is a major issue in marriage. When I ask couples the question, “What can your spouse do better to help the marriage” the wives will almost universally answer, “Talk with me more.” In this episode, tips and tricks to communicating better.
Trust is foundational to a marriage. If you don't have it or it’s been damaged in your marriage, please know that it can be rebuilt. Even a marriage suffering from adultery can rebuild trust. Like most steps to a great marriage, it is tough work, but it is well worth the effort.
When it comes to tearing down walls in your marriage that are separating the two of you, you are going to need to be thick skinned. Tearing down walls is going to be tough and emotionally painful, but not impossible.
Every marriage has built walls between the husband and wife. Some are small and easily ignored such as an annoying habit. Others are so high and thick they appear to be immovable. In this episode we discuss how to avoid creating walls in your marriage and how to tear down those that already exist.
Ever feel like everything just stinks. In this episode we discuss being in a 'Funk' and how to get out of it.
I thought we would have a little fun today and talk about innies and outies. No…I’m not talking about your bellybutton, I’m talking about your personality…are you an introvert or an extravert? In this episode we discuss how these personalities can have a major impact on your marriage.
If you’ve been married any length of time you probably heard at least once the phrase, “I love you but I don’t like you right now” Is that even possible? In this episode learn what each of you really wants from your marriage.
In this episode I present a topic you probably don't think about much, your wedding ring and what it actually represents. It's so much more than just a symbol of a union between two people.
What does the entrepreneur show, Shark Tank, have in common with repairing a marriage? Much like entrepreneurs who allow their emotions to drive their reactions, when trying to repair a marriage it's a recipe for disaster.
Everyone knows that men and women are different, but have you ever thought about that difference with respect to the way they think. In this episode we explore how women are multi-thought oriented and men…well not so much.
Disappointment in marriage is the result of the gap between what is expected and what is reality. If left unchecked, disappointment will lead to resentment. There is a simply way to reduce the gap, well it’s sort of simple.
When setting out to rebuild a marriage the first step is to understand the goal, which is a great marriage. In this episode learn how to work at rebuilding the marriage by focusing on the issues instead of the character.
If you are feeling discouraged and that there is no hope for your marriage, this episode will help to change that. Real examples are provided to encourage you to stay in the fight for a great marriage.
Money is often cited as the cause of divorce. Although money problems do contribute to the stress, it is not the real cause for divorce. In this episode learn the root of the problem and how to prevent money from being an issue.
The Bible says that a man and a women shall ‘become one’ when they get married. What does ‘become one’ look like…it looks like scrambled eggs. when you scramble eggs the yoke is mixed with the whites of the egg and you can no longer separate them.
In a marriage respect and love are critical, but there is a difference in being loved and feeling loved. The same is true for respect. Learn the difference and how to improve both.
Many marriages are having problems because they make marriage way too complicated. Learn how to simplify your marriage is three easy steps.
How much value do you place on your wife? Put a number to it…on a scale of 1 to 10, what number would you assign to the value you place on her? In this episode we discuss how you value your wife based on usefulness, importance, worth and desirability. Probably not what you're thinking.
What is the long-term plan for your life? What about your family, what do you want for your family? If you have kids, what do you want for each of them individually? If you’re like most, you probably can give general answers to each of those question, such as to be successful, healthy and have long productive lives. However, if you can’t provide specific answers to those questions then you have a bit of work ahead of you.
Marriage advice from friends and family may seem like good and helpful advice, but I would highly advise against it. In this episode I’ll explain why marriage advice from friends and family have be more harmful than beneficial for your marriage.
Stereotypes about a husband and wife's roles are irrelevant when you are trying to make your marriage as strong as possible. Discover how to identify strengths and then divide to maximize the efficiency of your marriage.
Conflict in your marriage can't be eliminated but it can certainly be minimized. All you need is a standard that doesn't change.
What are the most damaging things that couples argue about…tooth paste, toilet paper and dishwashers. In this episode find out why these are so damaging to a marriage and learn how to play strip arguing.
Do you need more time in your day? How about more time with your spouse? Time together doesn’t just happen; you need to be intentional about making it happen. In this episode, you will be challenged to analyze your time and encouraged to give more of it to your spouse.
Do you ever feel like your spouse deserves better or maybe you deserve better than your spouse? We hit this topic head-on and provide an alternative option.
Every marriage needs a break. Sometimes it’s a break from each other, meaning a girls or guys night out or some other activity where you can bond with friends. And sometimes it's a break from life which is when the two of you do something together so you can strengthen the bond with each other by focussing on nothing but each other.
The topic is geared toward a marriage facing divorce, but I have found that it is just as valuable to a healthy marriage. A marriage at the divorce stage doesn’t need saving; it needs rebuilding.
Have you ever been asked to define love with respect to marriage. So many couples attach actions to love which results in great disappointment. In this episode, learn what the Biblical definition of love in marriage means.
Intentional Intimacy. Spontaneity is great but if that's your only plan for intimacy I suspect you will be frustrated most of the time. Being intentional about intimacy builds anticipation and excitement.
'We always argue' is a stupid and one of the most selfish reasons for getting a divorce. In this episode, learn techniques for how to stop arguing.
Flowers, chocolate and ten apologies and she's still mad at you. There is something missing in your apology and starts with one word.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools a couple has. Use it wisely and you can recover from most any trial. Use it poorly and you will destroy your marriage.
Many couples wake up one day and realize they've lost connection with each and it seems like they are miles apart. That's because if you are not growing together, you are growing apart, there is no standing still. This episode covers one area you can address to begin to reverse the cycle or prevent it from the start of your marriage.
Empathy is the ability to, first and foremost, understand someone’s feelings. Whether you think the feelings are warranted or justified is completely irrelevant.
Ever wish you could do a better job at balancing your time between work and family? Well, the secret is not balance of time but structure.
A great marriage doesn't just happen, it happens because two people were intentional about making it a great marriage.
What does it mean that the marriage bed must be undefiled? If undefiled means pure, what constitutes pure and what exactly must be kept pure? This episode gets a bit more personal and a bit more direct.
Do you and your spouse agree on what is a need and what is a want? How about when it comes to intimacy do you both need and want the same thing. What about expectations about how those needs and wants are met, are your expectations realistic or unrealistic. We'll cover each of these in this episode using intimacy as an example. Sorry, it's going to stay G-rated, but listen anyway as what you learn may change the rating of your time together.
Has your wife ever gotten on you for devoting too much time to an activity? Obviously work is important, everybody needs some time to themselves and what kind of a guy would you be if you didn't help a friend in need when he calls? So, is your wife's irritation justified?
When a prideful attitude is embedded into our marriage, it will over inflate our egos and blind us to our wrongs.
If you were asked to make a list of men who had an influence in your life, who would you put on that list? Would anyone's name be on the list if the list was names of men who influenced you since you got married? Is your name on anyone else's list?
Have you ever participated in a sports activity without rules, I have. It was crazy, unpredictable and dangerous. Does your marriage have rules? If not, it will be crazy, unpredictable and dangerous.
By what standards do you live? Are they fixed or can they change over time. Standards that change causes confusion. This is true in marriage as well. If you want a great marriage, your marriage needs to be guided by standards that are fixed, never changing.
If you want to win at anything you have to have the right attitude. The same is true in marriage. If you want a great marriage, decide you're going to have a great marriage and then do everything you can to achieve that goal.
We all want honor, integrity and respect. You know how to earn it at work, but do you know how to get it in your marriage?