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Once a robot took its pet human for a walk in the park as usual.
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Once the Department of Homeland Security was finally compelled to raise the gasbag threat level to "IMMINENT."
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Once a glutton for life dreamed of swallowing the whole world.
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Once a scorpion experienced a moment of compassion.
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Once the Spirit and the Flesh were forced to undergo relationship counseling.
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Once a trilobite had the distinct feeling it was being watched.
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Once there was considerable uncertainty about the exact location of "Harm's Way."
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Once great flocks of hornswoggles swept out from their swamp, and the rest is history.
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Once an immense green fungus, Campaignaria greenbackae, spread across the land.
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Once a hallucination sensed the good times were coming to an end.
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Once topiary animals took the shears to themselves.
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Once a newborn struggled with post-partum depression.
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Once a radioactive isotope couldn't wait to reach the end of its first half-life.
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Once a cicada emerged from seventeen years underground to find little had changed.
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Once cut-out dolls took over a social networking site.
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Once a brood of little chickies fell in love with the sound of their own voices.
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Once dots chafed at all the efforts made to connect them.
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Once a barnacle weighted the moral pros and cons of moving on.
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Once Pinocchio was determined to ride his gift for wooden mendacity all the way to the top of the political pile.
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Once a chicken and an egg nearly came to blows over which should go first.
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Once an immortal seriously considered calling it quits.
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Once a horse leapt the fence and ran up and down the land.
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Once a Big Lie considered demanding equal time.
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Once a country mouse found itself the envy of a city mouse.
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Once a jellyfish got caught in the riptides of the mind.
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Once a corpse in a wildly popular "Bodies Exhibition" had some things to say about the crowd before it.
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Once a foxhound began to have second thoughts about chasing the fox.
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Once a withered tree was having some trouble looking on the brighter side of life.
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Once a film crew set out to document the march of the pundits.
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Once "the great god Pan" rolled over and declared, "I'm not dead yet, folks. Not quite."
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Once Charon the boatman decided to turn the money down.
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Once large parts of the globe fell victim to flesh-eating bacteria.
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Once a molehill came to fear it might not reach its full potential.
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Once a possum came to understand how difficult it is to appear dim.
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Once a stone wondered whether it should say something.
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Once a pushmi-pullyu was invited to appear on public television.
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Once Jonathan Swift tried out for a stand-up comedy show.
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Once a crane passed the examinations to become a diplomat.
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Once quicksand demanded a bonus. And a big one.
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Once wearing your heart upon your sleeve was all the rage.
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Once Church and State hooked up at a singles bar.
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Once laughter was the only thing that kept a body going.
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Once the last Neanderthal looked out from the mouth of a cave, lost in thought.
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Once a dung beetle had intimations of immortality.
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Once a robot created an artificial human being.
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Once a snowflake was told there had never been a snowflake like it. Ever.
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Once a killer smarm invaded an average home in an average neighborhood.
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Once Pavlov's dogs suffered from acute dehydration.
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Once a fruit fly developed a short-lived interest in genealogy.
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Once a fox came up with a fail-proof entrepreneurial strategy.
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Once a raccoon was determined to wash its hands of everything.
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Once a tree fell in the forest when nobody was around to hear.
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Once the Seven Deadly Sins formed a support group to buck up their spirits.
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Once a crow sat on a branch and contemplated the condition of man.
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Once a salmon broke the surface of the water and kept right on going.
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Once a whale beached itself in a furniture showroom recliner.
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Once a lone wolf found itself longing for the company of strangers.
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Once the Hydra noticed its heads were growing smaller and disappearing one after another.
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Once a snake tried to pull on each of its discarded skins again, all the way back to the year of its birth.
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Once a pride of lions gathered at a much-touted restaurant called "Top of the Food Chain."
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Once it was proposed the question mark be declared obsolete.
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Once a vulture learned to feel good about itself.
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Once an 800-pound gorilla wondered if it should go on a diet.
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Once reports came in that a misanthrope had been spotted on the outskirts of town.
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Once a praying mantis excelled at conducting grief-and-victim interviews on TV.
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Once Narcissus decided to step back from his pond.
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Once Sisyphus was arrested as a public nuisance.
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Once vampire bats came out of their caves by the millions to discharge their civic duty.
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Once a warbler couldn't get a song out of its head.
