The ROOFLUTION: Recent Episodes
Derek Laliberte
I just looked up a list of famous syndicated columnists and I didn’t really recognize anyone on the list. Ok, I did but they’re not exactly famous and now I’m contemplating whether I want to go through with this. The Rooflution is a column, it’s not a blog. Because everyone writes a blog and Roofle is different. Roofle was designed for the customer and the customer is busy living. This is a column about life. About the inconveniences and conveniences, about the happiness and the hardships, but most of all it’s relatable. It’s designed to be different and it's designed to be better. Why? Because the process for getting a roofing quote can stand to be a little different. Being different is what Roofle is all about. I hope you enjoy the column and if you don’t feel like a three-minute read, you can listen to it. It’s that easy. This is Roofing made simple, not roofing made effort.
I love the simple symbolism used with snow skiing. Don't know what you're getting yourself into; look for a green circle, a blue square, or a black diamond. Green equals easy, blue is intermediate (love that word), and black means "buckle up, we're going down." The ski slopes don't tell you that a green circle indicates a slope between 6% and 25%, a blue square is between 25% and 40%, and a black diamond is a slope at 40% and higher. Do you believe it would be more likely for you to mistakenly choose the wrong ski slope if they weren't color coordinated? I can tell you firsthand that my wife wouldn't like skiing anymore, which's a fact. Thank goodness for those pictures.
As a roofing contractor whose mission is to revolutionize the industry, we like the standard sport of skiing set for the rest of us. Yes, even the roofing industry. Okay, maybe just Roofle. Like the sport of skiing and the degree of a hill's slope, you probably don't know that slope of your roof. If someone were to ask you if you have a low, medium, or steep slope, you likely could take a guess but wouldn't it be so much easier to look at a picture and be done with it? Knowing the slope is significant in factoring how much product a roofing contractor needs to complete your installation; therefore, it's critical to understand. Is it a 4/12? Is it an 8/12, 12/12, or is it higher? Rather than explain to you that it's the number of inches in rise or height over the run, which is length, we ask for your address and let you pick from a picture. Chances are we are going to be nearly perfect in our estimate. Unless of course your roof is as steep as El Capitan, and you mistake it for a roof that is as flat as the Indiana countryside. By the way, it's pretty flat here, which is probably why my wife enjoys the skiing.
My wife and I had a plan. I would drive around to all the dealerships after she got home from work in her car until I found one, and then we would go into negotiations with the dealership together. That seemed like a great idea until I brought her into the sit down with me. My wife was an absolute bulldog, as she was unwilling to pay the asking price. In all sincerity, the car we were looking at was probably priced to sell, not to sit there and collect dust. She still demanded they drop the price, and when they didn't budge, she abruptly got up and walked out. "Hey, hun, you know I need a car by tomorrow, right?" It didn't matter; she was not going to be taking advantage of or ripped off. Not a chance!
I'm not sure what it was. Maybe it was the intimidation of a pregnant and irritable woman in her third trimester. Or perhaps it was a salesperson who knew better than to mess with her on that particular day, but he just caved in to her demands. Oh, by the way, this has happened on more than one occasion with her. All I could think of was what happened to my wife that she believed she would be ripped off? There must have been some salesperson at some point in her life that did a number on her. After fifteen years, I can honestly say that there has never been; that's just how she feels about salespeople. It's unfortunate because, after a career in sales and marketing, I can tell you firsthand that there are plenty of salespeople representing the profession with integrity and honor. I'm an optimist so, I believe there are far more salespeople on that end of the spectrum than on the dirty side.
I'm not naive; I get there is a stigma that surrounds our profession. Although the stigma seems to be fading with more and more companies changing their culture and proving it to us through quality marketing & advertising, it appears to be still very much alive today. But that's not the case for me. No, I don't have time to mess around with all the cheesy sales moves. I can assure you; you will never get the song and dance from me or anyone on our Roofle team. The price is the price, and we believe it's an excellent price. So much so that we are willing to guarantee it's the lowest price, but we don't necessarily expect you to just come back to us because of the cost. For Roofle, it's all about being a resource for our customers. A resource in our industry, or sales for that matter, is someone who will always answer your questions and recommend the best solution regardless if it benefits them. So, if you're talking to me or anyone on my team for that matter, you will never get a biased answer. You can't because I've already instructed everyone on the team to imagine the customer is your pregnant wife, who doesn't have any time to mess around.
When I say we're going to be a resource, that means answering your questions and concerns even when you're considering another contractor, even if you chose another contractor. When I say we will be a resource, that's what we intend to be.
…And it was either a great story, or a not so great story, but trust me we all have one. Once upon a time someone once told me that when a person is ‘sold’ something they will do everything in their power to prove to others why it was a bad decision and when someone ‘buys’ something they will go to extraordinary amounts of effort to convince others why it was the right decision. I agree but I would add one small caveat to that guideline. That’s because sometimes we actually buy something but the experience is so awful that in the end we feel as if we were completely duped.
I want to walk you through two different examples to prove my point. Do you want the good story or the bad story first? Ok cool, I flipped a coin and we’re going with the bad one. I’m pumped because it probably makes sense to end on a good note.
I was once sold windows in my living room. We had met with two sales people at this point and were about to invite the third stranger into our living room to pitch us on his glorious windows for what would seem like the next three hours (that we will never get back). He went on with his presentation well after he needed to and since my wife and I were in the market we chose to go with his company and his product simply because he was the best of the worst. Just so I am completely transparent, all my energy was exhausted listening to sales people hold a heat lamp up to my window and then allowing me and my wife to think over the discount he offered while he smoked two cigarettes in my driveway. “Well, what do you think? Are you ready to book an install?” I actually felt disgusted but when he threw in an additional discount if we wrote a check I couldn’t barely contain myself. Well, the windows sucked. They basically never patched all of the gaps along the trim allowing air to flow through like a jet engine. Not to mention the condensation build up on our picture window that took nearly 8 months to finally be replaced. The customer experience was atrocious. Two years later they actually called me again asking if I wanted to replace my home's windows and forgot we were a customer. To this day there’s a sign in my yard that says “ask me about my windows and I will tell you a horror story.”
I’m kidding of course…about the sign, but hopefully you understand my point. Now think about it. What’s your horrible brand story? Got one?
Have you ever been asked if you love to win or hate to lose? Think about it for a second while I tell you how I feel. Ok, here goes...I hate to lose. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Absolutely can’t stand it.
When people think about losing all they ever think of is sports. For me It’s not just sports, it’s much deeper than that. Although most of the time the thought of my team winning a championship sounds nice, it’s not exactly realistic these days. I tend to categorize a season as successful based on whether or not we lost to our rival. Just for the record…Not a Packer fan (not a Bears fan either.
I’m a competitor, as thick as they come. Always have been and probably always will be. I don’t want to lose at anything. It’s really bad I know, and I’m ok with that. Hey, at least I’m honest about it. It could be a test score, could be a board game, and once back in college it was foosball. It’s a really long story so I will spare you the very intimate details but let’s just say my roommates and I once decided who would get to keep our foosball table over a best-of-85-game-series. In case you’re not sure that’s the first one to 43 wins. It got ugly, not going to lie but rest assured I didn’t lose. We had this rule that you could challenge a team to a duel at anytime of the day by yelling out “FOOS!” The opposing team had 15 minutes to report to the table or the game would be considered a forfeit. It’s important for you all to know that there were zero forfeits during this series and a significant amount of questionable ‘bush-league’ tactics made in attempt to trick us into a forfeit. Setting the alarm for 3am may have been one of them...
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All week I’ve been staring at an empty canvas. Typically, I’m overflowing with ideas for content for this column but not this week. No, I usually find inspiration in the simple things, or those things that bring me joy. It creates an environment that inspires humor and positivity but this week all I can seem to think about are those things that don’t. What a downer! It’s really not my style and for that I apologize. Listen to me, I sound like a country song.
I should say it started Sunday when I watched my favorite football team (who I can’t get rid of and I won’t name out of embarrassment) lose again. Taking them to a whopping 0-3 record on the season but that’s not when it started. No, it started Monday morning when my 10 year old son woke up with a cold. My wife and I just looked at each other and knew we couldn’t let him go to school. In any other year we would load him up with some cough drops, a scoop of cough syrup and send him on his way, but not right now. I called the school to report his absence. “He’s not feeling well today, he won’t be in.” Followed by the immediate response of “what are his symptoms?” I mean, I knew that was coming. “It’s just a little cough, we will monitor it and keep you posted.” I think it was the school nurse or whoever the school system has assigned the role of “Covid Tracing Czar” who called my wife back to let us know we needed not only to get a negative test back for him, but we would also need to pull our daughter out of middle school immediately. Let me spare you from how that story unfolded. Let’s just say she was pissed. That was only Monday and to be completely transparent with you, I knew for a fact it wasn’t COVID…and it wasn’t. Test came back negative and everyone is back in school and doing great.
But that was just the start of the week. The week got much worse (Take Tuesday night for example) but I won’t go there. This podcast was never intended to go there however, that did get the idea train rolling again. Somewhere between a thought of something none of us can agree on and something we can all agree on-the empty canvas I was staring at began to fill up with ideas.
The idea of what is normal and what isn’t normal started popping in my head. Think about how all of our lives have been affected by this pandemic and instead of all the negativity try and really focus on the positive. You may have to dig deep but there’s a few things underneath the surface that are obvious. First of all my marriage flourished. For the first time in a decade I’m fairly certain my wife and I were completely on the same page. Not like we weren’t before, but now we are qualified for “The Amazing Race” because we can function like a winning team. Our family is closer than ever. We have spent more time at home as a family around the dinner table than ever before. Not only do I better understand who my kids are, I understand what motivates them and how they feel about stuff. We’ve gotten closer with our closest friends. We’ve had sit-down dinners with huge spreads of food and conversations about deep meaningful topics. We’ve gone on bike rides and walks, spent time outside playing catch. I never thought that I would ever feel normal again. Only thing is, I was feeling the normal I was looking for 10 years ago. I was telling a friend recently that 2020 has had a real 1998 vibe to it.
Then there are things that aren’t normal. Take calling in sick for your son as an example, or watching an NFL football game without fans in the stadium. How about attending church service virtually for six months, or wearing a mask in public. I remember seeing those people when I was kid and thinking, “what a weirdo!” Now, everyone wears a mask. Well, technically not everyone and in some cases we get judged for it which has become sort of normal but has led me to this conclusion. What is normal and even more importantly when things do go back to normal, will we even recognize it?
Blackout Games [Don’t] Apply
We got a dog this year. The kids and I put up a real campaign full of bi-partisan advertising and rallies in our living room all to gain that one vote we needed-from Mom. She was an undecided voter and in order to get the dog, we needed an unanimous decision. It was a successful campaign, coming in just under $3,000 bucks. Not too bad considering I was the primary, ok the only fundraiser on the campaign trail. Couple things I learned from this experience. If you want a dog that doesn’t shed you need to find one that has some poodle in it and second, you may need to take out a loan.
Naming the dog was easy in our household. We are true Minnesota fans through and through. Make no mistake the perfect name for a new puppy was none other than “the centerfielder KIRBY PUCKETT!!!!!!” I know at the beginning of the pandemic there was a lot of talk trending on social media about families having ‘Covid babies’ but for those of us who are done, I saw far more people opting out for puppies instead. I am happy to say we all love our little Cavapoo, Kirby. He's the newest member of the Laliberte family and we’ve done our best to mold him into a true ‘Twinkies’ fan.
As you’ve already been made aware from earlier podcasts that I am a Minnesotan who migrated southeast (easy on the south) twenty years ago to the land of Hoosiers and what you can probably already guess, there are no Minnesota sports teams on television here. Our solution has been to pay a little extra for things like the Sunday Ticket to get the Vikings games and the Big Ten network to watch the Gophers play. It really has been a nice little compromise, but we’ve never paid for the MLB package. That was until this year when Major League Baseball announced a shortened season of only sixty games and an expanded playoff race of 16 teams. Couldn’t have been more excited. In fact I’m still excited as the Twinkies just took over 1st place in the Central and have locked up a spot in October. There’s only one problem though…that’s the blackouts. In case you don’t know what a blackout is, it's essentially a game that is not allowed to be aired through the MLB package because a local television affiliate owns the rights to the market. For the NFL that’s easy because the games are aired on the major networks. For example, the Colts who are obviously a market team for where I live here in Indiana will always be shown on the local CBS affiliate. Makes sense doesn’t it?
Well, it’s a bit more complicated and illogical for Major League Baseball. Fort Wayne, which is three hours from Chicago, four hours from Cincinnati, three point five hours from Detroit and nearly four hours from Cleveland is apparently a market for the Cubs, the White Sox, the Indians, the Tigers and I’m not sure who the Reds are but that team as well. I can tell you for a fact in twenty years of living here I have never watched one of these teams on local television in this market. So naturally, you can understand my frustration when my son and I sit down with a bowl of popcorn and our dog Kirby Puckett to watch the Twins try to clinch the division only to find out we are going to have to watch ‘Dancing with the Stars’ instead because they’re blacked out against the frickin Reds! You’ve got to be kidding me, right?
In case you're wondering, out of the 60 games the Twins played we only were able to watch about 10 games. I felt bad for the guy who answered the phone on Monday, I really did. It’s not his fault someone above his pay grade is greedy. Fort Wayne has got to be one of, if not the only market in the country that is claimed by four completely different markets who’s only relation is a three hour drive away.
Blackout games in Fort Wayne for professional baseball? Please!
Don’t worry, if you don’t live in one of our markets, you can still use our software we don’t mind.
Oh yeah, WIN TWINS!
Let me start by asking you if you’re really reading this? Look, I would love to call myself a writer, I really would, but if you just listened to this it would be that much easier for you. Trust me, you can’t listen to a typo. If you’re willing to just click on the link above you can hear me read these columns to you on Spotify and RSS.
"Great moments are born from great opportunity, and that’s what you have here tonight. That’s what you’ve earned here tonight."
There’s this moment in a server’s life that resembles somewhat of a crossroads. Allow me to explain. The setting for this column begins with a table of hungry patrons patiently waiting for their entrees sitting in your section on a very busy Saturday evening. In all likelihood it’s probably a special occasion. Maybe an anniversary or a birthday dinner. It doesn’t matter though, because what you do next will likely spoil it. As you speedily approach the table with someone’s very hot dinner plate which is holding the Sicilian sea-bass resting on your forearms you realize there are only seven plates and there are eight people. As you set the food down in front of each salivating customer, finally getting around to the one person (who usually is the one voted most likely to freak out in high school), you immediately realize that you never put their order into the kitchen.
This is where we find our crossroads. Believe or not you have a few options. I should know them, as this is my story and you can find it right there in the non-fiction section. Option number one, you can lie and throw the kitchen right under the bus.’They’re really backed up in there tonight, they probably just miss-counted the sea-bass or forget to cook it. "I’ll run in there and check it out asap.” That’s likely the most commonly used option because you can probably still salvage a tip if you play your cards right. You might lose your job, but hey, not your reputation.
The second option is to not do anything drastic but again is a lie. “Let me go to the kitchen and check on it, it’s probably just sitting under the food warmer.” Meanwhile you speed walk back to the kitchen like your diarrhea just came back and yell out “I need a sea-bass on the fly.” This one is fine because the kitchen can whip up a hot bass in two minutes and steal the wilted spinach from someone else’s order. Simple, you still save your tip but screw over your fellow servers tips by backing up all of their orders. As you walk back to the table in just under 4 minutes you are the hero of the show. “Here you are mam, so sorry for your wait. Can I get anyone a refill while I’m here?”
That brings us to the third option which is simple really. It’s called honesty (BTW, not a popular move amongst the boys). All you have to do is sincerely apologize to the customer and make it right. Typically involves bringing over the manager, maybe comping a free meal but the odds the customer will return to the restaurant are very likely and your empathy card might actually pay off in the end. I have to admit its the road less traveled. “You can’t be any geek off the street. Gotta be handy with the steal if you know what I mean.” Sorry, that’s Regulators.
So, which option best describes you? Be honest, remember it’s not good to lie. Are you greedy, maybe a little misleading or are you full of integrity and honesty? When I was twenty four I knew exactly who I was and certainly wasn’t option three. And now, at 40 years old I’m the honest one. In fact, I’m not only the honest one in this case I’m the manager who is coming by the table to make sure everyone’s experience of our restaurant is not tarnished.
This year marks the twentieth year I’ve lived in Fort Wayne, Indiana. If you’re wondering where in the world Fort Wayne is you and I were not that different. Once you get through Chicago it’s another three hours away on the other side of the state. My heart has always been firmly grounded in Minnesota but I’ve grown to love it here, it is my home. On the way to Fort Wayne from Chicago you pass an iconic institution known as Notre Dame. You likely won’t notice it because it’s off the beaten path but it’s there and it’s magnificent. I’m a gopher fan, don’t mistake it but my kids have grown up believing Notre Dame is something special. I tell you all of this because I am surrounded by Irish fans. Technically I’m surrounded by Cubs fans, Hoosiers, Boilermakers, Wolverines and some team named the Colts (I think they’re a rugby team) All I can say about all of that is “Skol Twins” (That was a shout out to my colleague Matt Brown who is a legend).
I can’t tell you the year but I can tell you about the famous speech former Notre Dame coach Lou Holtz delivered once upon a time. It was a memorable speech that started off with the phrase “you gotta believe.” It sets the premise for the entire inspirational message. I love it, because the message resonates with the core of who I am and that phrase, “you gotta believe” is something I wake up with in my head everyday. I’ve always believed in optimism, that something good is going to happen. I’ve always looked forward to something and that mentality has driven my spirit. I don’t believe in coincidences but I do believe in the mantra of a positive attitude. Maybe that’s why Notre Dame is always in the spotlight? A school from South Bend, Indiana that believes they are going to win the college football national championship every year. Can you imagine what that must be like? And they actually get pretty close sometimes. If you’re a Minnesota fan like me you likely don’t have that feeling with our teams.
Back in 2014 I started believing in things. All things really, and it was interesting because things started to happen that never happened before. I found a random woman's purse on the side of the toll booth outside of Chicago and spent all day looking for her. I didn’t ask for anything in return I just wanted to get it back to her. I couldn’t imagine what that must have been like for her. Wouldn’t you know it, the very next day I won a new Xbox at a seminar I attended. “The winner is Derek Lulabrrete, I’m not sure I said that right (it’s fine, happens everyday). I went to bed that night thinking things were possible that I never once thought before. It’s silly I know, to think if you do nothing other than think positively that good things will happen but, they did. Not just winning things either, all things. My marriage improved, my relationships improved. I got raises and promotions, I even was publicly recognized in my community for a few awards. I started to believe and I started to see the world differently. I was literally a walking, talking Optimist Prime!
“I’m a man, I’m 40!” Those were the infamous words Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy. When I thought about turning 40 this year I thought about buying a shirt with his words on it and just hitting the town. Because that’s what a 40 year old would do right? Well, I turned 40 in March and hitting the town for me (or anyone) meant hitting the living room during quarantine to see my family. So, yeah-that didn’t happen. This past week I got an anonymous package in the mail containing a shirt that read “I speak fluent movie quotes.” Thought for sure it was my from my wife, but it wasn’t. It’s still an open case so if you bought me that shirt-thanks! All I need to do is drop about 15lbs. and I’ll wear it out sometime. No, but seriously when you think about your life you often look back on it and see the successes and the failures, the accomplishments and hardships. To tell you the truth I think about how I got to this very place in my life often and I don’t believe it’s by any coincidence.
My greatest accomplishment may be similar to most of yours in having a successful marriage. Actually let me take a moment to tell my wife Happy Anniversary before the 17th (great, got that out of the way). I think about how proud I am of my kids and their “not getting a call to the principle's office or detention record.” I think about my career accomplishments and all I have achieved I’m my life and I am grateful. I’m sure we can all agree on that right? Of course we can, that’s easy. Then there are those moments in our personal history that don’t seem like accomplishments or don’t seem like they were that significant at the time but looking back on them now were monumental, sometimes even pivotal. I’m probably going to blow your mind right now, you might even stop listening to me forever after this one, in fact I may lose all credibility with you for good or (and this is a BIG one) I may say something so dumb, that I TOTALLY REDEEM myself for. Ok, here it goes. One of the greatest and most pivotal moments in my life, was going to the movie theatre when I was 14 years old not once, but multiple times to watch Dumb & Dumber on the big screen. I know, crazy and stupid all at the same time. “Thanks, Barn. There you go.”
Seriously, that one movie has shaped my entire being. Based on my beliefs God just threw a lightning bolt at me. I can recite that movie from beginning to end, word for word. I can’t help myself. I’ll be in the middle of conversation with anyone. It could be a serious conversation and I find I’m drawing on Lloyd Christmas for my reactions. “No way, we landed on the moon.” "Alpine Drive, big place.” "Can’t be too careful, a lot of bad drivers out there.” “Why you going to the airport?” “Few baseball cards, sack of marbles (cough), Petey.” Speaking of Petey, my daughter named here 4H calf this year Petey, is that bad? No, it’s not bad. She’s 13 and she loves Dumb & Dumber and I love that she loves it. There are a lot of other things that she could love that I wouldn’t be that proud, this isn’t one of them.
In 2016 I went to dinner with my pastor and his wife when a song by the band 'Train' played over the radio. “Don’t you just love this band, Derek?” We were in California and I was feeling pretty free to speak my mind. Not to mention, who lies to their pastor? I couldn’t do it. “Ahhh not really a fan of this band at all,” was my response. What followed was what we would call an extended moment of silence. On one hand I was feeling good about my choice to be honest in that situation and on the other hand I was terrified they were going to ask me who I liked. Luckily they didn’t and it was smooth sailing the rest of the way. We were on our way to this fancy Mexican restaurant on the coast and to this day these lips have never tasted better chips and salsa. Sorry though, I can’t for the life of me recall the name of the restaurant. I think I was too busy eyeing the parking lot. It was just smashed with nothing but Lambo’s and Range Rovers. This wasn’t your average Chi Chis, this was big time. I remember an open parking spot next to a Pontiac G6 and thought to myself, "we should probably park our rental right there." My pastor and I were on the same page-about where to park that is, not our music choices.
That Pontiac G6 though. Let’s talk about it for a second. If you weren’t living under a rock for the past 40 years you likely know who Oprah is, right? Whew, had me worried for a second. If you know who Oprah is or you don’t know who Oprah is you definitely remember that time she surprised her studio audience by giving each of them a car. Those cars were Pontiac G6’s and there were 276 people in the stands that day. At $28,500 a pop that’s a grand total of $7,866,000 bucks. Whoa…Oh yeah, I’m pretty sure she did the same thing in 2010 as well with a Volkswagen. That’s incredible. All of that talk about a G6 to tell you this (but also just to give you some insight into how my mind works). She started yelling, ok maybe shouting depending on your opinion “you get a car, you get a car, you get a car, everyone gets a car.” If you were in the audience that day you hit the jackpot. Even if you didn’t want to keep the thing you could sell it and turn a 93% profit (remember taxes).
Oftentimes as sales people, especially roofing sales people or home remodeling sales people (actually all sales people) we get inquiries asking about a “free quote.” If you’re in sales you know exactly what I’m talking about and if you’re not in sales you asked for one. Either we don’t realize, we forget or we just don’t care about the effort that goes into producing that quote. For example do you know the average roofing contractor likely pays a third party for electronic measurements of your roof? It could cost as much as $100 to get that quote for you. Heck, I spent a considerable portion of my career in software development and a full quote could take as much as 80 hours to produce. That’s a big chunk of change. And for what? So the customer can just take that quote and use it against another contractor? It’s fine everyone, we all do it.
Some people would say that we live in the era or age of the customer and I would agree. Any piece of information that we want is right at our fingertips and the personal touch of a salesperson isn’t always needed and if it is the value add that we offer is trust. Trust broken down into credibility and reliability. Do you have proof that you can solve my problem? Are you going to do what you said you were going to do? That second one is actually a rule in the Laliberte household. The point is, why beat around the bush with a song and dance, why not just let people know upfront (if you can) the price of what they want? Sure, you might risk being commoditized but at least you won’t be wasting anyone’s precious time.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Even if you’re 40, even if you’re 75 it doesn’t matter you can still be that person you’ve always dreamed of being someday. The same person you dreamed about becoming back when you were 8 years old.
You see in 2015 at a leadership/sales/personal development conference that I attended I chose a breakout session because I thought the title of that particular talk was a good outlier. I love a good outlier. But that’s not the point. Out of all the talks I could have attended, the one that asked us what we wanted to be when we grow up was the only talk that wasn’t centered around closing a deal, or how to lead. It was something I could relate to. Something I believe we can all relate to.
Think about the question for a second. What do you want to be when you grow up? The speaker that day had us draw a picture with a crayon. Yeah, I guess it’s fair to say I was immediately hooked (you had me at hello)! I have a friend who always says “let me think about that for 10 minutes,” then proceeds to answer immediately. That’s how quickly I went to work with that Crayola and drew my masterpiece. As the time came to stand and present our pictures to the audience there were pictures of firemen, police officers, baseball players, doctors, and then there was mine. I drew a picture of Hulk Hogan. I don’t think the Hulkster was having that great a year back in 2015 but I didn’t care, I wasn’t going to lie. When I was a kid I watched Hulk Hogan body slam Andre the Giant on pay per view during Wrestlemania III. That was my Super Bowl! Before my stellar hockey career (just kidding) and before my dreams of playing soccer in a World Cup, I was pure Hulk-a-maniac brother. Nearly everyday before elementary school my brother and I would wheel the TV stand into the kitchen and eat 4 bowls of Captain Crunch while we watched recorded VHS tapes of WWF wrastling. Big difference by the way between wrestling and wrastling but I won’t get Into that now because I’m not here to argue with you.
As I got older my dreams like so many of us faded. I never did become a pro-wrestler. I’ve been many things but unfortunately that job description never hit my resume…..or did it? As the talk was ending that day the speaker asked us to write down the characteristics of the person we had always dreamed about becoming. I thought to myself, strong, entertaining, creative, looks great in a tight outfit (wait, what?), spontaneous, a leader, I could keep going. The speaker then challenged us to find the differences between the characteristics of who we are now and who we dreamed about being years ago. I may never have been suplexed or pile-drived anyone, but I had several of those same characteristics. By the way, this was a great exercise, we all could benefit from it.
As the Chief Sales Officer for Roofle I am responsible for the customer experience. Meaning I ask and answer questions. So much so that we’ve taken those questions and posted them on our website for everyone to see and understand. And it didn’t start with Roofle, I’ve been asking and answering questions for years. In fact, I’ve interviewed hundreds of people in my profession over the years on and off camera. That’s where it hit me. I guess I’m not Hulk Hogan after all but maybe more like Mean Gene Okerlund. You know Hall of Fame broadcast interviewer/narrator/host and most importantly…entertainer. The voice of the WWF during it’s prime.I think that has a real nice “ring: to it.
In life we all start out with so many dreams. Dreams of becoming something crazy, something only our eight-year-old versions could come up with. That is until we find something truly worth dreaming for.....
"Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. I bet when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup. Oh, it looks good on you though.”
Judge Smails' reaction as he quickly removes the hat and walks out of the Bushwood pro-shop is Oscar worthy. How do I know there are certain people that will read this and immediately know what I’m talking about and others will be like “I don’t get it!”
It’s Caddyshack, and the answer is yes. Yes, as in you should watch it and not tell anyone it’s your first time. Or yes, you should call me and we can speak to each other in only movie quotes. It’s ok though if you don’t know what I’m talking about because whether you do or you don’t you are both falling in line with my plot.
When I was a kid I was a fashion 'killa.' I could rock a pair of un-matching Umbro shorts with a Nike Air t-shirt and a pair of Air Jordans and not skip a beat. Coolest kid in the hallways of my elementary school. Actually, I never owned a pair of Jordan’s until I was 16 so I guess I’m not that cool. I did once wear the same pair of sweatpants to school for an entire week not because I didn’t have anything else to wear, but because I wanted to. The great thing about it though. There wasn’t some guy staring at me and making fun of my life choices. Maybe complaining about the smell, but not the style. And style, style is ultimately what I’m here to discuss. In the late 80’s to me (remember this is a column and my opinion and not all of it is fact) style was centered around brands. Nike, Adidas, Umbro, Guess, and if you were super cool Girbaud jeans (you remember that little white patch across the zipper?). Doesn’t it feel like now it’s centered around look, around feel? Do you even remember what life was like pre-stretch jeans? And yes guys, I’m talking to you. I mean honestly, if you haven’t bought jeans made of that magic stretchiness I sort of feel bad for you. Then again, maybe you have no idea what you’re missing.
When it comes to fashion there seems to be this sense of “FOMO.” You know, at first you feel like a trendsetter, then it slowly feels bland until eventually you cave. “I need a new style.” So, where do you go? You go to Pinterest to look at styles, you go to Amazon to check the prices and probably just click “order now.” There are options everywhere until there’s the option you didn’t know existed. That’s just frustrating isn’t it? The way we are now with our buying habits. The way we want to do all the work ourselves, all of the research. We want to look at everything, we want all of the options. For example, when I’m searching for Air Jordan’s I want to see every single pair before I make a commitment. Especially when I get the official approval for the CFO (aka, my wonderful wife) I want to make the best decision because you never know when it’s going to happen again and God forbid you make the wrong decision and end up like Judge Smails standing in that pro-shop wearing the wrong hat.
At this point you’re probably wondering (if you’re still with me) how I’m going to tie a roofing company into this one. If you are, I can’t believe you’re doubting me. How about this. Roofle has over 800 products. WHOA!!! Yeah, over 800. You can be the trendy fashionista that stands out, or play it safe with a roof that fits right in. It’s totally up to you and no one else. Just think of your 10 year old self digging through your closet (or your dirty hamper, ewww). You go ahead and pick out whatever roof you want. Just know, when you speak with our customer experience team we won’t have any right to tell you what roof you think looks great. I mean we can tell you everything you would ever want to know about the product but that’s about it. Because at Roofle, you’re in control and we wouldn’t want to gamble with losing you as a customer.
This isn’t Bushwood, but if it was we know Judge Smails would remind us, “there’s no gambling at Bushwood.”
Here’s two quotes your dad has likely said to you. “Measure twice and cut once,” or “a job worth doing is worth doing right.” And for the most part these have never applied to me or is it I have never applied them to me? Here’s one that I liked though, especially in college. “I mean sure, hard work pays off over time, but laziness, well laziness pays off right now!” I can picture my college roommate being interviewed or I guess it would be more like interrogated, maybe even cross-examined, “how would you describe Derek, Mr. Ivancevic?” “Derek is a right-now” kind of guy.
Hey, I’m 40 and I’m not going to argue with him. I think eventually as you get older you stop trying to change all of your defects and just start to embrace them. For example, I can get a ton done. Like, significantly more than the average person playing in the same arena as me. Probably because I transformed my laziness into my motto which is simply this: You need to “get comfortable being uncomfortable” and for me that means not letting a perfect plan get in the way of a good one.
We live in a busy world. In between baseball tournaments, school pickup lines, what pair of sweatpants to put on, writing a column and smoking a brisket. We have to go to work right? And I work constantly. I’m actually not that lazy but at least you know I’m making an attempt to show you I come from humble beginnings. The point is that we are all busy, all the time. When it comes to those things that add to our busyness we want to get them done, get them out of the way, cross them off the list. I come from a lineage of people who think exactly like that. What I mean is, I’m a get it done right away kind of guy and good is better than perfect unless of course I’m paying for it. In that case it's always better to be perfect otherwise I would have done it myself.
I think it was 10 years ago and I was building an elevated dog bed for my Great Dane, Lola (God rest her soul). So, I went to the hardware store and bought a bunch of wood. I came home with no plan and just a few tools and thought, “I’ll knock this out and get back to living my life in no time.” But then my neighbor Randy got wind of what I was doing and Randy’s an engineer, and Randy always measures twice. He couldn’t believe I was winging it. When I measured this one particular piece I needed to cut he offered that same wisdom our fathers once said to us back in the day, “you better look at that measurement again.” I eye-balled it and made it work. Sure, it was a little crooked but you know what? It was for my dog, it was in the garage, and again it was for my FRICKIN dog (please picture Will Ferrel from SNL right now talking to his dog, thanks!). I looked at Randy and replied, oh don’t worry I’m only cutting this thing once.
So, why is the Roofing company talking like this? Great question. First of all, I’m not the one who is installing your roof. If I was you should NOT hire us. We have very experienced roofing experts in charge of that department. Second, I am the customer, or at least that’s how I think. I’m the one like you who is too busy and doesn’t have any time to figure out how to replace my roof. Even if I did I still wouldn’t want to go through with the process. It takes too long. It’s probably why I am in charge of the customer experience. You know the perfect one you are paying for. At the end of the day, when all the busyness ends, I love the idea of looking up my home’s address on a website, eyeballing the slope of my house, and choosing my roof in the matter of seconds. In my mind I categorize that as perfect.
I guess that’s why I love Roofle so much because I only need to cut this thing once and I’m done.
I bet you read the title and immediately thought of Top Gun didn’t you? Not even close. I just can’t bring myself to use that analogy. In my mind I can hear a great friend chirping at me, “you’re such a basic bro.” I thought about this episode over the past week several times that the idea of writing what I’ve learned about myself this past year quickly morphed into an episode of the “Rooflution” about my friends (in case you were wondering how to say it, now you know, Rooflution). Because I miss my friends. Regardless of what we agree we’ve learned from a pandemic, we all can likely agree that we’ve missed our friends. I certainly have. It’s funny because after saying that I now hear another voice In the back of my mind chiming in, “I’ve hung out with my friends this entire time, nobody is going to stop me, not even a virus.” Now, I’m the one chirping in…you’re such a basic bro!”
Yes, I miss my friends. I love my wife and kids to death but come one! One particular friend of mine and I both turned 40 this year and have had this epic fishing trip to Alaska mapped out in our minds for a decade and this was the year. Until this wasn’t the year because of you know who, 'Rona' showed up. Now, we are settling for a very close second in a fishing trip to Northern Minnesota. In case you didn’t realize it yet I am a self-proclaimed king of sidebars. Probably why I write this column.
This friend of mine though, the one I’m going fishing with was (and probably still is) the world’s greatest wingman. So much of a great wingman that to this day he’s still single and here I am married for 15 years with two kids.
You see, this all worked with me tossing a metaphorical softball in the air to the person or people we were engaging with. Also, please don’t take this topic to the gutter. It could be something as simple as the type of swimming pool we were near to something more difficult like nuclear physics (side note, he’s a nuclear engineer). The point is, he could just start a conversation about anything with anyone because he’s always just been so genuinely curious. Think of a five year old asking why? Now, picture the best teacher in the world doing their best to explain something to someone because they want them to understand. You may have words to describe this type of person. Could be nice, genuine, caring, thoughtful, etc., etc. I have a word, actually it’s a phrase and it’s “the ultimate wingman.” Need to negotiate the price of the tickets you’re scalping, bring in the Wingman. Want to help convince your wife to let you go on a week-long fishing trip? Send in the wingman. Need help convincing your kids that you’re cool? Cue the wingman!
The point is, the Wingman does all the dirty work. They are the ones who make it easy for others to enjoy the simplicities of life. They deserve all the credit and yet take none of the glory. When I start thinking under those terms I start to really appreciate all the simple things. Oftentimes things are simple because someone else made them simpler. I get it, not always but when I stop about it, it’s easy to find examples everywhere. When I think about Roofle and how easy it is to use. I know the amount of hard work that went into it to make it that way. I think of each of Roofle’s steps the way I think of a great friend and a wingman. Right there to do the hard work, so I can get a new roof immediately, without having to talk to anyone. Sort of what I did when my wingman was around.
There are so many ideas that we have about Roofle. A lot of them are great, some of them probably not so great. Like changing our slogan to "The Roofing Wingman.” That’s not really a good idea, I guess we'll just have to stick to “Roofing Made Simple.”
So, here’s to old friendships, to new friendships, to seeing all of our friends again soon, and to enjoying the simple things in life with them. Not to mention to my friend Luther. Happy 40th Dude, welcome to the club!
There are only three possible ways you could know this about me. One, you follow me on LinkedIn, two, you know me, and three…actually everyone I’ve ever talked to knows this about me. The question I have for you right now is simple. Do you like mayonnaise?
If you do I’m actually considering removing you as a facebook friend. It’s that serious for me. It all started when my babysitter (no, I don’t still have a babysitter. Actually I do.) forced me to eat tuna casserole when I was in first grade. Do you realize the trauma that accompanies being forced to eat something you don’t want to? I do, and here we are 34 years later still feeling the affects. It’s a real struggle.
My life ordering food can be summarized into one sentence, “is there mayonnaise on it?” My favorite responses are “no, but I can put some on it if you would like.” I hate to even have to ask because in my professional opinion (yes, I am a professional food orderer) is that everything in or on the meal should clearly be written in the description of the item. I used to say I’ll take that burger plain but people don’t even know what that means anymore. Duh…it means no FREAKING SAUCE which includes that disgusting condiment known as mayonnaise. There’s always this argument with my wife it’s hilarious. “Don’t pull away from the drive-thru until I check my sandwich.” After she does, because she always does I get to tuck my tail between my legs and walk back into Wendy’s with my unwrapped burger in my hands and nasty look on my face. By the way if this happens to you it’s like having a Disney Fast Pass. You go straight to the font of the line and everyone will understand. “Oh, he’s mad!”
Here’s the point to all of this (and no this is not to make a push for miracle whip, that is equally as terrible). The point is, if you order something you should know exactly what you’re getting yourself into whether it’s something as unimportant as a Wendy’s baconator or let’s say your roof. There shouldn’t be any hidden ingredients that you get to bite into. Everything that’s included should be clearly written in the description and if it’s not shouldn’t be assumed. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. Over the years we’ve all felt the need to remind someone we don’t want mayo or even worse found out about it after that first bite.
It should just be simple right?
LISTEN TO THE COLUMN BELOW!
There should probably be a forward to this column. Hi, I’m Derek and I’ve been selling my entire career. Actually it’s worse. I’m one of those guys who had some great success early on in my career who decided to make a small living teaching other people to be mediocre at sales.
So, let’s talk about time. Someone once asked me where I got all of my energy from but I think he was referring to time. I don’t know really. I work for a company that just launched this past week and have spent every living hour developing a process for it. I also am very involved with a couple of boards, not to mention I have unofficially been assigned the scorekeeper for my son's baseball games. Probably because they keep score through an app and not through a book. It’s fine. Aside from that I’m still into consulting and creating videos on the side (that’s totally normal!) and I love to cook, I mean grill, I mean smoke on my pellet grill. Does anyone else have a trigger? Phenomenal! I’ve spent the better part of the last decade building my brand on social media. It may seem like I have energy but I don’t! In fact I have none. I always tell my wife that I’m going to stay up and watch a movie everyday and everyday I end up falling asleep searching for one on Netflix. Only happens every time. “60% of the time it works every time!”
It reminds me of this great advice I once received. Actually I didn’t receive it. I heard it during a speech. Also, I’m fairly certain they stole it from someone else. Hey, say it three times and it’s yours! That’s something a basic bro would say isn’t it? Finally, here’s the advice: “If you don’t protect your time someone will steal it!”
That is just poetic truth! In fact saying yes to something when your life is solid craziness means you are saying no to something else. Probably something you care about. FYI, I’ve used that quote way more than three times so it’s MINE!
If you’re so busy why would you ever want to take 2 hours (three times a week if you’re being honest) out of your evenings to hear a roofing contractor (who you don’t know) come into your home and pitch you a new roof when you could be doing something way funner? Like, playing catch with your son. Instead you’re being told you need to make a decision in the next 10 minutes or you're not getting a discount. “I’ll just be outside having a smoke” That actually happened!
What if you could get a roofing quote in a second. I mean literally a second. Enter my address and get a quote so I can get back to living my life the way I want to. Not on someone else’s time, but on mine. I prefer saying yes to the important things in my life.
There’s this movie called Road Trip. Come on, you know you remember “Mitch.” Not that I’m going to get into telling you the plot on my Roofle column but I do want to bring up a plot twist. You know the part when they decide to take a shortcut? After driving for four hours they approach a creek or a river or something where a bridge should be only it’s no longer there. Rather than going back and losing out on 8 very needed hours they JUMP the bridge. They almost made it until all the wheels fell off and the front axle broke. The argument in that particular moment among the characters is that the shortcut is not on the map they’re reading. “That’s because it’s a shortcut, if it wasn’t a shortcut it would just be called the way.”
It gets me thinking about the shortcuts we take in our lives and the consequences that follow them. It’s always something bad. Maybe not cancer, but it could be. It’s usually something like being disqualified, or getting a flat tire, or running out of gas. Guys are notorious for taking shortcuts. Think of that time you bought furniture that needed to be assembled. Usually from that blue and yellow store that only gave you an allen wrench and an instruction manual minus the words. You eyeballed the picture and went to work. Once you got to the end the door didn’t open correctly and you had a few parts left over. Now your goal shifted from successfully assembling the furniture to successfully hiding the extra parts from your wife (who BTW has been standing over your shoulder watching your every move). Now, when little Timmy opens that broken door you put on your best “Tommy Boy” impression and yell, “what did you do!”
The point is shortcuts are only shortcuts until someone comes along and solves the problem or consequences that come along with them. Now that I think of it I’m pretty sure every single pharmaceutical drug is a shortcut since they all come with a rash or a violent diarrhea. Oh sorry, only in some cases. Once you take away the problems, the shortcut graduates to that map and just becomes the way.
For example, when you want to buy a roof. You look up a contractor, you call that contractor, they put you on hold, then they come to meet you at the house (by the way, they’re late), they give you an estimate accompanied by a fancy sales move, only to find out they are way over your budget. There has to be a shortcut for this without consequences right?
I miss the days of working in the office with you know, other people. But not because I want to go back to the unproductive days of running meetings all day. At least now I can pretend to listen when I’m working from home on a video call…in my gym shorts. No, I miss working from the office because when I was at the office I couldn’t witness the madness of what happens in my home when I’m not here. The piles upon piles of towels in my son’s bedroom. The way the sink is just stacked with dirty cereal bowls while the dishwasher is all alone and empty. The kicker is the tipped over box of cheez-it crackers on the island while two innocent [and wonderful] children stare at their devices for hours on end. Getting off work I at least had a 30-minute drive to unwind in the car. Lately, I’m listening to a lot of old school Outkast records and I just want to crank it with the windows down.
Now, when I get off work I get to unwind for 3 seconds as I walk from my new office to the kitchen only to expect to enter a clean area and sit on my beautiful chair and watch the terribleness better known as the evening news with David Muir. Instead, I do the dishes (I know I need to pull my weight around here) so I don’t complain. That is until I enter the living room and find granola bar wrappers on the floor. Then I explode. I’m sorry, I never said I was perfect.
I guess I have too high of expectations but when I think of it. I never tell anyone my expectations, I just hope for them. The result is always the same….anger. Maybe you can relate or maybe you live in a fantasy world where things are perfect (side note, where do you live I would like to know?). It’s not justifiable to get angry with someone for doing something you never told them they can’t do. In this case, I do tell my kids to pick up after themselves, I just have to wait because they’ll “get to it later!!!!!!!”
It reminds me of inefficiencies in the world. For example, I run into a problem around the house or even worse I run into a problem with my roof. I expect to get the best quote and not have to witness the salesman’s song and dance. I expect the yard to be picked up when they’re done installing it. I just expect a great experience. But for some reason I’m always angry. Shouldn’t it be easier?
I want my contractor to tell me exactly what they’re going to do and when they’re going to do it. I want a contractor that exceeds my expectations. I want to come home and BOOM, it’s just done. That way I can sit in my chair and unwind in peace.
Doesn’t really seem like too much to ask for.
This past month as we prepared to launch Roofle I got a toothache. Because of course I did. You know how it goes. It starts out subtle and turns into an atomic bomb going off in your mouth. If you’ve had one you’re imagining it now and thanking God. I’m pretty sure it’s a fact that every single toothache is preventable since we all know we need to see a dentist about it long before the toothache begins. Now, you’re stuck on vacation doing your best to not ruin the only time you and your family have had out of the house since the pandemic started back in March. You know, because you already canceled your spring break trip months ago. My kids are complaining, I’m sunburnt to a crisp and oh yeah I can’t eat a thing. I’m having soooo much fun right now!
On a side note, why do we head south in the summer when it’s hotter than the surface of the sun?. Oh well, that’s for another day. The point is, you never notice your teeth until you feel that nudge of pain. Pain that becomes intolerable. Then, your tooth is all you notice and nothing else. Your house could be on fire and you won’t get around to calling the fire department right after you see the dentist. Yep, tooth pain is the worst.
It reminds me of my roof. I never notice my roof. We had our entire house remodeled two years ago. We even got a new roof when we went through with the massive project. We lived in a barn across the road for nearly a year while we watched our home slowly be destroyed and even slower, watched it be restored. By the way, the smell of horse manure was a close second to the toothache. The point is, I never noticed my roof until I noticed that I didn’t like it. I love our new exterior but I hate the roof, now it’s all I notice. A roof is like a toothache. You know you better get your butt to the dentist but you never do until it’s way too late and now every single endodontist in the world is booked solid for a month and you’re stuck living with the pain. When you need a roof you’re stuck waiting on a contractor to call you back (if they do because they’re just as busy as the damn dentist). Shouldn’t replacing your roof be easier? Oh well, at least it’s not as bad a toothache.