closetjudas: Recent Episodes
Mike Powell
CLOSETJUDAS is the moniker given to the music written + recorded by mike powell (which is truly independent…no record label, no copyrighting…free for all).
track 9 of 9 from the 2019 album "lunacy + the second naïveté" by closetjudas.
close your mouth – the holy war is neither of the two
too much blood has been wasted on things we’ll never know
no amount of eyeless trust can give us ears to hear
here is where the river that i’m in goes out to sea
see the edge grow distant as the moon brings in the tide
tied, my hands – resigned to let the current guide me forth
i won’t name the nameless anymore
i’ve run out of peace, my soul is sore
december’s great pretender has lost the war
my hope is on the floor...on the floor
(we can’t unsee what we haven’t seen
can’t unhear what never has been voiced)
over + out, i’m caught in a swell, i soon will be sinking
what is real that hasn’t been revealed? the sand is running down
there’s no light, i’m floating north of hell, it doesn’t seem you care
why don’t you heal? or listen to appeal? and are you even there?
too much blood has been wasted on things we’ll never (know)
(no) amount of eyeless trust can give us ears to (hear)
(here) is where the river that i’m in goes out to (sea)
(see) the edge
“the moon is full, weakly pushing back the darkness, carrying on its illusion of light. illudere, the latin verb to mock. so many illusions i have had to break, so many ways i’ve been mocked by the above, believing the myth of its illumination. we have been to the moon, divined a complex astrology of the distant stars. we have explored inner worlds and conjured angelic devices that will fit in our pockets. ‘peace be upon you,’ the angels say, but peace will not emanate from the cloud. i know that real salvation lies in accepting that we will not be saved. i know that life cannot be about the promise of riches in heaven. it must instead be about facing the abyss, shrugging at the mystery of the lack of planetary meaning, but lifting our heads and deciding to look out for one another regardless. in the days i have ahead of me i know that there will continue to be pain as well as joy. i’m realistic; things won’t ever make perfect sense. the galaxies tend towards entropic greyness. the universe doesn’t care; only we can do that” (from “getting high: a savage journey to the heart of the dream of flight” by kester brewin).
track 8 of 9 from the 2019 album "lunacy + the second naïveté" by closetjudas.
"lunacy" is a short story that i wrote in the summer of 2017 (see below). "destroy the moon" is its distillation into a song. the premise is that an extremist religious group is ultimately responsible for the annihilation of all life on Earth. impatient for the world's end + egotistically zealous for their convictions to be substantiated, they set out to simulate and/or effect specific "signs" of divine judgment. quite simply, the story/song is a philosophical critique of all escapist theologies (i.e. any belief system that is more focused on an afterlife rather than our current existence).
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lunacy: a short story
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those once named the "hereafterists" never quite intended to annihilate all of the Earth's inhabitants when they furtively launched that final rocket into the night sky. having surreptitiously found a way to disrupt in unison all global tracking systems, the pioneers of their movement had only ever dreamed of catalyzing widespread panic. for if it could be incontrovertibly shown their religious assertions were legitimate - i.e. that certain seemingly "natural" disasters were a divine signal of impending doom - the underlying hope was that the number of fervent adherents would grow exponentially. however, a faction existed who were persuaded their foreparents' vision was too myopic + they were not interested in merely creating a simulation. perhaps - it was assumed - if the world were to really experience the imminence of being completely undone, the All-maker would at last bring history to an end; for all they knew, it was their action that was the missing element required to inaugurate the long-awaited After Beyond. but they were wrong. and as the neo-nuclear missile reached its destination, the Voice spoke for the first + last time, saying: "there was never more than this." the lunar detonation was total + its fragments were pulled into our atmosphere - altogether blocking out the sun with ash + continually showering the ground, rivers, lakes + seas with fiery rocks from what used to be the Moon.
we were wrong – so sure about our assumptions
looking only to the after beyond
tore out our lungs – we scorched the earth for profit
less we breathe, sooner that we’re gone
fought, raced + won – sedated our fear of the senseless
with the notion that it won’t be long
over-drawn – the time we thought it would take
for the world to fully de-create
intolerant – of the people who mock us
who correctly say our leader’s late
counterfeit – fabricated destruction
forced the hand of super-natural fate
missile launch – splintered the sun’s reflector
killed the planet cause we couldn’t wait
we won’t be alright
it seems there was never more than this
track 7 of 9 from the 2019 album "lunacy + the second naïveté" by closetjudas.
as good a father as i’m a son
double disappointing child
in your insolence i see myself
it confirms that i’m the one
who’s shite at that “do unto” rule
cause i get so easily riled
self-centredness is my default
no regard for family health
i wouldn’t like me if i were you
each day i’m a proper tool
treating open wounds with stares + salt
wishing i was someone new
are these words about me?
and do you sing along?
cause they apply equally
had you signed your name to this song
track 6 of 9 from the 2019 album "lunacy + the second naïveté" by closetjudas. this was the second official single from the album.
official music video: youtu.be/RQ1RdXjH84E
official lyric video: youtu.be/a80lqIQSQuI
it’s cool you found all of the answers
i guess that means that i am lost
thanks for writing me off like a defect
as if i haven’t counted the cost
surely i am the one who’s mistaken
cause your sources are much better than mine
it makes me feel so great when you judge me
for being deaf, when my hearing’s fine
must be nice sitting high on that royal chair
aiming pity at the creatures below
if i’m lucky, i might be acknowledged
maybe told something i already know
i’d like to stay, this way my home
but the more i say, the less there’s room
we were the same not long ago
once comrades fighting well-defined foes
yet, battlelines have been redrawn
so, it’s not clear whose side i’m on
i’m tired of being for or against
i just want to be, take down the fence
if only you could bracket out
those things that cause you fear (like doubt)
and be done with all pretense
admit that life does not make sense
screw absolutes, they’re all contrived
stories to help us stay alive
the only certain thing is death
until then “love’s” my shibboleth
it’s cool you found all of the answers
i guess that means that i am lost
thanks for writing me off like a defect
as if i haven’t counted the cost
surely i am the one who’s mistaken
cause your sources are much better than mine
it makes me feel so great when you judge me
for being deaf, when my hearing’s fine
track 5 of 9 from the 2019 album "lunacy + the second naïveté" by closetjudas.
“wherever it is we find ourselves, the gravity of our situation demands that we act, yet the most human response is not flight to some distant hoped-for eden above, nor to fall to the ground in hopeless despair...we need a different story to live by, one that isn’t about abandoning this world, but committing to it. to transition into such a myth – one that pushes us beyond our ache for transcendence – we will need to go to new places and do new things. the first step towards this will surely be about learning to love, looking outwards from the self, upwards from the ground even though we know that it will – at some unknown time – take us” (from “getting high: a savage journey to the heart of the dream of flight” by kester brewin).
made to be confined / drawn to take our leave from earth
though infallibly we land / bound by physics, down to dust
(sky is calling)
increase our efforts to depart / desolations overwhelm
but no force that we expend / can effect desired ascent
(we keep falling)
still we try + fail; repeat / long for any place but here
til we get to where we want / find that “there” is carbon-copied
(sky is calling)
could it be that we are wrong? / error in the calculation
what if we weren’t build for flight / we’re terrestrial, not projectiles
(we keep falling)
valid
(the password isn’t working)
launch code
(and it’s not just your memory)
missing
(the vessel’s clearly broken – maybe it was never meant to be a getaway)
reset
(rest your feet upon the solid ground)
anchor
(find a chair, make yourself a drink)
fulcrum
(life’s the hinge on which we turn – the grave’s our horizon)
all attempts at peace / speed the progress of regression
emptiness behind the veil / poured concrete; no transcendental
(sky is falling)
there’s no mass that is enough / there’s no changing bleak inertia
motionless we all remain / dreaming up suspended bodies
(we keep calling)
feckless emptying of self / can’t escape our own daydreaming
only long to lift away / hit the gravel – featherless
(sky is falling)
we remain simple machines / gaikokujin of the clouds
pivot-point of non-existence / lacking contact; feeling spectral
(we keep calling)
it’s no secret that we are each mortal
all vitality will soon relapse
our significance is expiring
another useless book upon a shelf
with each breath the void is getting closer
no rescue plan will ever succeed
better to deny illusion’s death-grip
when so little of our selves remain
instead of vainly reaching upward
make-believing with our eyes closed tight
accept as given we are wingless creatures
and that we cannot take our leave from this place
if we happen to regain our footing
existing will not be made much easier
but we might find what we thought had been lost
is found securely planted in the dirt
valid
launch code
missing
reset
anchor
fulcrum, fulcrum
track 4 of 9 from the 2019 album "lunacy + the second naïveté" by closetjudas.
your silence offers me no healing
your attention payment due
if you’ve refrained from all your speaking
i cannot wait around for you
our one-way conversations bore me
perhaps it’s just my point of view
but if you insist on keeping distance
i cannot wait around for you
i will not wait around for you
track 3 of 9 from the 2019 album "lunacy + the second naïveté" by closetjudas.
can you think of a time when you didn’t exist
tell me then what do you think of death...
if you weren’t who you are before you were born
is there difference at your final breath?
it’s clear from all things we’re here + then gone
yet, you argue that our mooring’s fixed
our depth is slight, subcutaneous
candles burn so long as there’s a wick
we anxiously speak to each other in code
trading candor for mendacity
digging bunkers below, or missiles to board
chronic reaching for infinity
we recognize the light is decreasing
final equinoxes have been passed
and the darkest day will endure, unending
with each night longer than the last
if you think i’m mistaken, that there must be more
and convinced you know something i don’t
it might be worth re-confirming your sources
you should, but i know you won’t
you’re content with the solace of a simulation
flipping off your mortality
but what if all there is, is all that’s here
no afterward to this story?
you can’t believe, intent + purposed to fight it
i’m not there + my white flag has burned
because of a lasting, disastrous picture
like a page which can’t be unturned
if somewhere above there’s a cosmic control room
it’s vacant, or there’s a sign
flashing “d-n-d” + the door is locked.
track 2 of 9 from the 2019 album "lunacy + the second naïveté" by closetjudas.
sorry i had the impression you cared
it must have been related
to the notion that you’re there
but that’s debatable – maybe i’m wrong
in the springless winter i’ve found myself in
this furtive truth
no longer satisfies – same as valhalla
though i’d like to concede
if i had something i could confirm
then maybe i would see
but suspending what i cannot hear
is not an option for me
and while it might be meaningful to you
with no shore around
be sure to close the door when you go
i’m done with all this waiting
what leads to all this desolation? pretend i’m not marooned like i am
you had the impression i cared
it must have been related
to the notion i was there
but that’s debatable – maybe you’re wrong
in the springless fall you’ve found yourself in
that elusive truth
no longer satisfies – it’s just like heaven
though you might concede
if you had some way to verify
maybe you would see
that ignoring what you cannot hear
it’s not an option – it’s never been
and while it was the path that i chose
with no shore around
i’ll be sure to close the door behind me
if you plan to waste your time
desperately seeking consolation, settle for dulling melancholy
seaworthy, soil-bound, shipwrecked, signal fire
s.o.s., shadow falls, standstill, silent crowd
sprit aches, space remains, sky ignores, song fades...
tri-polar, wax + wane like the moon; my faith is gone, you’ve left me alone
reminds me of a conversation we never had, so i guess i’m done
track 1 of 9 from the 2019 album "lunacy + the second naïveté" by closetjudas.
the quote at the beginning of the track is from the second season of the german series "dark" (episode 5, called "lost + found"). here is the translation: "a person lives three lives. the first ends with the loss of naïveté, the second with the loss of innocence, and the third with the loss of life itself. it is inevitable that we go through all three stages."
does anyone know the way to get to california
i thought i knew but turned out to be wrong
it says that i’m half-way (my map to california)
but the road i’m on is taking far too long…