Women's Empowerment Podcast: Recent Episodes
Valerie LaVigne
The podcast version of the Women’s Empowerment Live show, where we connect about all things health, wealth, and happiness.
Let our sponsor BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you - all from the comfort of your own home. Visit https://betterhelp.com/empower and enjoy a special discount on your first month. If you have any questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are licensed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation model, check out this FAQ: https://www.betterhelp.com/your-questions-answered/ In this episode of The Women's Empowerment Podcast, we sit down with Lauren Talbot, a passionate advocate for well-being and self-discovery, and the founder of SPACE BETWEEN. As a first-time mom, Lauren shares her transformative journey of embracing motherhood, releasing old identities, and finding balance between intuition and holistic practices. She dives deep into letting go of control and perfectionism, adapting rituals and routines for new moms, and creating a mindful home environment. Lauren also reveals how her child has become a powerful source of inspiration, helping her stay present and aligned with her true self. Join us as we explore practical ways to nurture your well-being, rediscover your identity, and embrace the beautifully imperfect journey of motherhood. Whether you're a new mom or looking for fresh perspectives on mindful living, this episode is packed with valuable insights to help you thrive in your health, wealth, and happiness.
Tune in now and discover the magic of embracing motherhood with Lauren Talbot!
To read the transcript and full show notes to this episode, visit https://valerielavignelife.com/259
Follow us on instagram https://instagram.com/vallavignelife and https://instagram.com/womensempowermentpodcast
Let our sponsor BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you - all from the comfort of your own home. Visit https://betterhelp.com/empower and enjoy a special discount on your first month. If you have any questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are licensed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation model, check out this FAQ: https://www.betterhelp.com/your-questions-answered/ Are you ready to take control of your health and feel your best? In this episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast, I’m joined by gut and hormone expert Holly, who shares her top 3 actionable tips that you can start using today to support your gut and balance your hormones. From nutrition advice to simple lifestyle tweaks, Holly breaks down how small changes—like chewing your food 20-30 times and staying hydrated—can have a big impact on your well-being.
We’ll dive into:
- How to boost gut health through smarter nutrition choices like eating more protein and fiber.
- The critical connection between hydration, mineral replacement, and hormone balance.
- Stress management techniques that actually work for busy moms.
- Quick, simple tips to start feeling better fast!
Whether you're struggling with digestion, feeling out of sync with your body, or just want more energy, this episode is packed with easy steps to help you take control of your gut and hormone health. Tune in to learn how these small changes can lead to major health transformations!
Show Notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/258
Let’s connect on Socials! https://instagram.com/vallavignelife and https://instagram.com/womensempowermentpodcast
Let our sponsor BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you - all from the comfort of your own home. Visit https://betterhelp.com/empower and enjoy a special discount on your first month. If you have any questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are licensed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation model, check out this FAQ: https://www.betterhelp.com/your-questions-answered/ In this episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast, I sit down with Katie, host of the Contagious Confidence podcast, as she shares her insights on navigating the challenges of motherhood and career. Katie’s journey from struggling with confidence to becoming a voice for women seeking empowerment has equipped her with invaluable wisdom for working moms.
Together, we discuss:
- Facing the fear of how motherhood might impact your career, and finding strength in your dual roles.
- Managing the emotional rollercoaster of being a working mom and tips for mental wellness along the way.
- Self-advocacy at work and at home—from negotiating for what you need at work to setting boundaries that support your family and personal growth.
Whether you're worried about balancing your professional aspirations with family life or seeking practical tips to boost confidence, Katie offers empowering strategies that every mom can use. Join us for a conversation on finding balance, building self-assurance, and thriving in both motherhood and career.
Keywords: motherhood, career,working moms, confidence, balance, self-advocacy.
Show Notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/257
Let’s connect on Socials! https://instagram.com/vallavignelife and https://instagram.com/womensempowermentpodcast
Let our sponsor BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you - all from the comfort of your own home. Visit https://betterhelp.com/empower and enjoy a special discount on your first month. If you have any questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are licensed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation model, check out this FAQ: https://www.betterhelp.com/your-questions-answered/ Feeling overwhelmed by the daily demands of motherhood? In this transformative episode, we sit down with Kristyn Livermore, a professional hypnotist specializing in stress relief for women and mothers. Discover how hypnosis can be a powerful tool for reclaiming calm, building resilience, and managing the unique pressures of modern parenting.
Join us as Kristyn explains the science behind hypnosis, shares practical techniques to reduce anxiety, and offers powerful visual tools to help transform your stress into serenity. Whether you're balancing work and home life, struggling with postpartum challenges, or simply looking for ways to prioritize self-care, this episode is packed with actionable, useful advice to help you thrive.
Tune in to learn:
- How hypnosis can reduce stress and anxiety
- Practical tools for busy moms to incorporate self-care
- The mind-body connection and its role in emotional healing
- Success stories of mothers who’ve found relief through hypnosis
Don’t miss this episode if you're ready to unlock a calmer, more balanced version of yourself.
Keywords: Hypnosis for stress, motherhood stress relief, women’s mental health, stress management for moms, self-care for mothers, postpartum anxiety, mindfulness for busy moms.
Show Notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/256
Let’s connect on Socials! https://instagram.com/vallavignelife and https://instagram.com/womensempowermentpodcast
Let our sponsor BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you - all from the comfort of your own home. Visit https://betterhelp.com/empower and enjoy a special discount on your first month. If you have any questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are licensed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation model, check out this FAQ: https://www.betterhelp.com/your-questions-answered/
Let our sponsor BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you - all from the comfort of your own home. Visit https://betterhelp.com/empower and enjoy a special discount on your first month. If you have any questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are licensed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation model, check out this FAQ: https://www.betterhelp.com/your-questions-answered/ It'e taken me almost seven months to share this story publically, but I needed this time in my healing to be able to share it here, with you. The full show notes for this episode are availalbe at https://valerielavignelife.com/254 Let's connect on socials Instagram | @vallavignelife @womensempowermentpodcast TikTok | @vallavignelife
In typical Aquarius fashion, I GHOSTED YA’LL on the podcast, and while I needed to step away from the show abruptly, I’m sorry it was without warning.
Recently I felt excited and inspired to record one last show for the year, our traditional holiday party!
Before we dive in, I would like to say that I do plan on bringing the podcast back to life. Details are to be determined.
In the meantime, I would LOVE to hear from you. Email me with your podcast requests/ thoughts/ or just to say hi! My email is hello@valerielavignelife.com
You can tell me all the things you’d love to see/hear with the show when we come back!
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/253
Watch the video on YouTube
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Books Mentioned in this episode (affiliate links):
Female Friendship Guide
Orgasmic Birth
The First 40 Days
The Fourth Trimester
Get the (free) Build Better Habits Guide HERE
Katie Woodruff is a transformational coach, host of the podcast Abundantly Aware and Journaling Tour Guide. She aims to create awareness around the benefits of journaling, meditation and mindfulness for entrepreneurs everywhere so that they can create the life that's wholy their own…
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/252
Watch the video on YouTube
Books Mentioned in this Episode (affiliate links)
Radically Content:Being Satisfied in an Endlessly Dissatisfied World by Jamie Varon
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
Wisdom of the Oracle cards (affiliate)
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | 45 minute 1:1 Call to Create a Productive Action Plan for Your Next Steps to Living a Life by Design
Transform Your Habits Course | Self-Paced Online Course with Micro Trainings (1 minute or less) That Get You INTO Action
Healthy Habit Membership | Community Connection, Monthly Live Workshops/Trainings with Valerie, Weekly Voxer Coaching, and Workshop Replays for Ongoing Support and Growth to Building Your Best Habits
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | 1:1 Customized Approach to Building Your Life By Design. Work with Val in an Intimate 3-month Container
Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? Maybe you’ve wondered more specific questions like:
Why does time pass so quickly?
Why do I hate doing absolutely nothing?
Or why do I keep putting things off?
In the book “Why Am I Like This?” Author Dr. Jen Martin answers these questions and many more explaining The Science Behind Your Weirdest Thoughts and Habits.
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/251
Watch the video on YouTube
Shop the book on Amazon (Canada)
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | 45 minute 1:1 Call to Create a Productive Action Plan for Your Next Steps to Living a Life by Design
Transform Your Habits Course | Self-Paced Online Course with Micro Trainings (1 minute or less) That Get You INTO Action
Healthy Habit Membership | Community Connection, Monthly Live Workshops/Trainings with Valerie, Weekly Voxer Coaching, and Workshop Replays for Ongoing Support and Growth to Building Your Best Habits
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | 1:1 Customized Approach to Building Your Life By Design. Work with Val in an Intimate 3-month Container
I am thrilled to introduce you to Sarah Jansel, fellow Canadian and host of the I Created that Podcast.
Sarah recently had me on her show to discuss the relationship between Exercise and Entrepreneurship. Before we dive into this episode, I want to tell you more about Sarah’s show.
The I Created That Podcast is for those looking to be inspired to start an online business, marketing your business, and learn more about Shopify. Host Sarah Jansel is a former 20 year corporate veteran and executive turned creative entrepreneur. Today she’s the CEO of Jansel & Co where they help clients build, brand and grow awesome shoplift stores.
Sarah and her [podcast] guests are excited to share some exclusive tips about how to start a burins, grow and basins, and feature some super cool entrepreneurs and business partners who can help you do it too!
Big shout out to Sarah and her team who were absolutely fantastic during the production of this episode. I loved working with you Sarah and I am very grateful to have been a guest on the I Created That Podcast…
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/250
Watch the video on YouTube
Sarah Jansel on Instagram @sarahjansel
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | 45 minute 1:1 Call to Create a Productive Action Plan for Your Next Steps to Living a Life by Design
Transform Your Habits Course | Self-Paced Online Course with Micro Trainings (1 minute or less) That Get You INTO Action
Healthy Habit Membership | Community Connection, Monthly Live Workshops/Trainings with Valerie, Weekly Voxer Coaching, and Workshop Replays for Ongoing Support and Growth to Building Your Best Habits
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | 1:1 Customized Approach to Building Your Life By Design. Work with Val in an Intimate 3-month Container
Valerie shares how the simple habit of making your bed every morning can transform your life. From feelings of hopelessness and depression to achieving big dreams and taking leaps to build the life of her dreams, Valerie tells the relatable story of how tiny changes lead to huge transformation…
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/249
Watch the video on YouTube
Jessica Stevens Instagram @jess.loves.life
I Just (Blank)! Now What? Spotify | Apple Podcasts
Books Mentioned in this Episode:
The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod (affiliate)
The Miracle Equation by Hal Elrod (affiliate)
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | 45 minute 1:1 Call to Create a Productive Action Plan for Your Next Steps to Living a Life by Design
Transform Your Habits Course | Self-Paced Online Course with Micro Trainings (1 minute or less) That Get You INTO Action
https://valerielavignelife.com/membershipHealthy Habit Membership | Community Connection, Monthly Live Workshops/Trainings with Valerie, Weekly Voxer Coaching, and Workshop Replays for Ongoing Support and Growth to Building Your Best Habits
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | 1:1 Customized Approach to Building Your Life By Design. Work with Val in an Intimate 3-month Container
I'm excited to introduce you to Katie and her podcast. Contagious Confidence. Katie is so lovely. She was such an incredible host in terms of really allowing me to be comfortable and share how I really felt. , as a podcast host myself, I know. That some episodes just flow a little easier.
Some conversations, some interactions work a little better than others, and this was one of those really great positive experiences. So I'm really excited to share everything we talked about from consistency and habits and showing up confidently as your own self. And. I don't wanna give it all away. I want you to be able to experience it and hear it and, and also see it…
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/248
Watch the video on YouTube
Katie Hawkes Instagram
Contagious Confidence Podcast Instagram
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | 45 minute 1:1 Call to Create a Productive Action Plan for Your Next Steps to Living a Life by Design
Transform Your Habits Course | Self-Paced Online Course with Micro Trainings (1 minute or less) That Get You INTO Action
Healthy Habit Membership | Community Connection, Monthly Live Workshops/Trainings with Valerie, Weekly Voxer Coaching, and Workshop Replays for Ongoing Support and Growth to Building Your Best Habits
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | 1:1 Customized Approach to Building Your Life By Design. Work with Val in an Intimate 3-month Container
Christine Lieu is the expert behind CL Designs and the Brand Party Podcast. She's a graphic designer who's traded in climbing the corporate ladder for climbing mountains around the world. Christine helps purpose-driven businesses create cohesive branding, web design, and social content to drive your impact and sales. As featured in Top 10 Canada Design, the Brand Party Podcast delivers fun, honest, to-the-point advice that you can implement RIGHT AWAY in your entrepreneurial journey.
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/247
Watch the video on YouTube
Books Mentioned in this Episode (affiliate)
Atomic Habits by James Clear
The Way of the Tortoise by Matt Little
The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | 45 minute 1:1 Call to Create a Productive Action Plan for Your Next Steps to Living a Life by Design
Transform Your Habits Course | Self-Paced Online Course with Micro Trainings (1 minute or less) That Get You INTO Action
Healthy Habit Membership | Community Connection, Monthly Live Workshops/Trainings with Valerie, Weekly Voxer Coaching, and Workshop Replays for Ongoing Support and Growth to Building Your Best Habits
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | 1:1 Customized Approach to Building Your Life By Design. Work with Val in an Intimate 3-month Container
Today I’m going to teach you how I created my entire morning routine using one simple formula. The formula started with one simple habit, and this led to another habit, and another, eventually becoming the wonderfully supportive morning routine I have today!
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/246
Watch the video on YouTube
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | 45 minute 1:1 Call to Create a Productive Action Plan for Your Next Steps to Living a Life by Design
Transform Your Habits Course | Self-Paced Online Course with Micro Trainings (1 minute or less) That Get You INTO Action
Healthy Habit Membership | Community Connection, Monthly Live Workshops/Trainings with Valerie, Weekly Voxer Coaching, and Workshop Replays for Ongoing Support and Growth to Building Your Best Habits
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | 1:1 Customized Approach to Building Your Life By Design. Work with Val in an Intimate 3-month Container
Kelsey Reidl is a Small Business Marketing Coach with a special interest in Social Media Growth, Search Engine Optimization and Direct Response Marketing Strategy.
After a decade working in Business Development & Marketing Roles for some of Canada’s Top Health Food Brands, Kelsey decided to leave the corporate world so that she could work with Small Businesses and help them adopt The Essential Marketing Success Principles, so that they can work with more clients, generate more cash, and bring the FUN back into marketing.
Through her courses, coaching, and her podcast Visionary Life, she inspires entrepreneurs to challenge the status quo, connect with customers in creative ways, and to never settle for mediocre marketing campaigns.
Kelsey lives in Ontario, Canadia with her husband and rescue pup, Abby. She loves to explore the world in search of the best coffee shops, the most stunning nature, and the wildest experiences (sleeping in the Sahara, mountain biking through canyons, and heli-skiing in Switzerland are some of her best memories!)
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/kelsey
Watch the video on YouTube
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelifehttps://tiktok.com/@vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript
https://www.descript.com/?lmref=F_kjyg (affiliate)
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call
Transform Your Habits Course
Healthy Habit Membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship
Books Mentioned in this Episode: (affiliate)
The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson
Fascinate by Sally Hogshead
One of my favourite quotes of all time, that I often remind myself of, is by Henry Ford, who said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
Our thoughts are so incredibly powerful that we can do just about anything that we believe we can. And when we can’t? Or don’t do something, it’s often because of self-sabotaging beliefs that keep us stuck.
Today we’re getting honest about how to overcome self-sabotage and get the heck out of our own way!
Full show notes available at https://www.valerielavignelife.com/244
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | https://instagram.com/vallavignelife
TikTok | https://tiktok.com/@vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript
https://www.descript.com/?lmref=F_kjyg (affiliate)
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | https://valerielavignelife.com/clarity
Transform Your Habits Course | https://valerielavignelife.com/challenge
Healthy Habit Membership | https://valerielavignelife.com/membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | https://valerielavignelife.com/mentorship
You May Also Like
Episode 81: 5 Tips for Positive Self-Talk https://www.valerielavignelife.com/81
I'm excited to bring you the top 10 episodes of the podcast of all time. We have almost 250 episodes. If you're new to the show and you're like, where do I start? Well this is probably a really great introduction of what's been so popular over these last few years...
Full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/243
Watch this episode on YouTube
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript
https://www.descript.com/?lmref=F_kjyg (affiliate)
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call
Transform Your Habits Course
Healthy Habit Membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship
One of the most common questions I get asked when I’m being interviewed as a guest -on a podcast for example - is, “how can we create sustainable habits? Or how can we create habits that actually stick?” Everybody wants to know how, with such busy lives, we are able to create and maintain healthy habits. So today, I’m going to tell you!
If you could ask me a question about habits, what would it be?
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/242
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Work with Me:
Book a Clarity Call
Transform Your Habits Course
Healthy Habit Membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship
You may also like…
Episode 229: Making & Breaking Habits: Overcoming Obstacles & Staying on Track
Episode 235: Tiny Habits: Small Changes That Change Everything (Book Report)
Episode 236: Habit Stacking: Maximizing Your Time & Energy
Episode 240: Healthy Habits for Busy People: How to Incorporate Healthy Habits into Your Busy Life
Marina is a brand expert helping freedom obsessed entrepreneurs build true to self personal brands to grow their platforms, income and live vivaciously…
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/241
Watch this episode on YouTube
Marina’s Current Read | All About Love, Bell Hooks (affiliate)
Let’s connect on socials:
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Work with Me:
Book a Clarity Call
Transform Your Habits Course
Healthy Habit Membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship
The irony of this episode title when this podcast episode is coming out late because life just got hella busy on my end! Nevertheless, I do have some really great tips and tools for you in this episode. And since you’re a busy bee like me, I’m going to aim to keep this one short and sweet so that you can use your precious time on taking action!
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/240
Watch the video on YouTube
Hidrate Spark Water Bottle (affiliate)
E34: 7 Things You Must Do When Creating Healthy Boundaries
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call
Transform Your Habits Course
Healthy Habit Membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript
Ever since I was a little girl, I have LOVED astrology! My grandmother introduced me to it, and used to read me my horoscope when I was with her. As I grew older and deepened my interest and education in astrology I learned about more than our sun signs. I learned about moon signs, rising signs, birth charts, Saturn returns, aspects, and transits and so much more!
To this day my enthusiasm and curiosity of astrology only grows and I’m excited to share with you what your moon sign says about your habits!
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/239
Favourite Birth Chart Sites:
More exact Chart
Whole-Sign Houses
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | https://valerielavignelife.com/clarity
Transform Your Habits Course | https://valerielavignelife.com/challenge
Healthy Habit Membership | https://valerielavignelife.com/membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | https://valerielavignelife.com/mentorship
I edit my videos and transcript with Descript (affiliate)
Amanda Hunter is an embodied feminine leadership coach who ditched the 9-5 to follow her soul’s purpose where she gets to infuse pleasure and play with being of-service.
Blending woo with science, Amanda supports soulful entrepreneurs in cultivating their inner authority to become the leader of themselves first, and see their businesses expand as a result. She thrives on seeing women stepping into their power, playing bigger and taking up more space as they come to reside their true essence…
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/238
Amanda’s Current Read | Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza (affiliate)
Watch this episode on YouTube
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | https://valerielavignelife.com/clarity
Transform Your Habits Course | https://valerielavignelife.com/challenge
Healthy Habit Membership | https://valerielavignelife.com/membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | https://valerielavignelife.com/mentorship
Elle Hamilton is a Self Discovery Guide and Human Design Expert, supporting women seeking clarity and confidence in navigating their life path. Her approach empowers clients to reject societal expectations, embracing their own journey with a unique blend of self-awareness and intuitive lifestyle design. Through exploration of their Human Design Chart, she helps clients rediscover their authentic self, realize their unrestricted potential, and seize a life of empowerment and freedom...
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/237
Elle's Current Reads | The Mountain is You + (affiliate)
Watch this episode on YouTube
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call
Transform Your Habits Course
Healthy Habit Membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship
I like to joke that if you tell me your habits, I will tell you your future. Kind of like a modern day fortune-teller hahaha but seriously, where you are a year from now is a reflection of the choices you choose to make right now.
Just like where you are in life today, is a reflection of the choices you made one year ago! Share with me in the comments of this video, or DM me on instagram @vallavignelife to let me know what dream future you want to build and we can reverse engineer this with tiny habits.
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/236
Watch this episode on Youtube
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call
Transform Your Habits Course
Healthy Habit Membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship
When it comes to change, tiny is mighty. There are super small changes that change everything in our lives! These changes become habits, and those tiny habits can make or break our futures. Why? Because a lot of our habits happen automatically, or by default. This can lead to frustration, or feelings of going through the motions with no goals achieved or set.
It can also lead to happiness, freedom, and success by your definition. The difference between these two outcomes? Is a life by default, versus a life by design.
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/235
Tiny Habits Book | affiliate
Let’s connect on socials
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | https://valerielavignelife.com/clarity
Transform Your Habits Course | https://valerielavignelife.com/challenge
Healthy Habit Membership | https://valerielavignelife.com/membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | https://valerielavignelife.com/mentorship
Olivia is an actress and content creator based out of Toronto. Acting has always been a part of her life but content creation began in 2016 when Olivia started her YouTube channel (oliviag.tv). To merge the two worlds, she started her YT channel by interviewing film industry professionals. That was her way of continuing to network within the Toronto film & TV industry while highlighting the wonderful behind the scenes talent. Since then, she's appeared on show's such as the Umbrella Academy and Sex/Life on Netflix. In the last few years, she's opened up her own media company called Olivia G Media which specializes in UGC content creation. If you want to touch base with Olivia, you can find her on all platforms @OLIVIAGUDANIEC or find more info on her website at oliviagmedia.com
full show notes available at valerielavignelife.com/234
Watch this Episode on YouTube
Books Mentioned in this Episode:
What to Say When You Talk to Yourself (affiliate)
The Big Leap (affiliate)
Instagram | @vallavignelife
TikTok | @vallavignelife
After years of dealing with her own health struggles and not getting the help she needed or could afford at the time, Jess took it on herself to become what she was looking for. She's now a certified Health Coach and Level 2 Integrative Health Practitioner that works on holistically balancing the body from a root cause perspective. She primarily works with women, virtually and worldwide, supporting them fully with their gut function, energy, weight and hormonal imbalances allowing them to be empowered in their body, alive with a sense of purpose and feeling youthful.
Get the full show notes at www.valerielaivngelife.com/233
Watch this episode on Youtube
Jess’s Current Read: The Hormone Cure (affiliate)
Work with Me: Transform Your Habits course (previously: 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge)
Healthy Habit Membership community
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship coaching program
Let's Connect on Socials: Instagram @vallavignelife TikTok @vallavignelife
If healthy habits were so easy to create and implement into our lives, there’d be a lot more iconic people in the world. People who would be crushing their goals, making a more meaningful impact, and enjoying optimal health.
So what separates the people who succeed with their high-level goals, and the ones that don’t make it past the first few days?
In today’s episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I’m going to share how one powerful tool can increase your chances of success by 95%
Full show notes available at https://valerielavignelife.com/232
Watch this episode on YouTube
Work with Me:
Transform Your Habits course (previously: 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge)
Healthy Habit Membership community
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship coaching program
Let’s connect on socials:
INSTAGRAM | @vallavignelife
TIK TOK | @vallavignelife
Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast – thank you for choosing us for your ears if you’re listening – or for your eyes, if you’re watching on YouTube! Today’s topic is incredibly powerful and potent to a number of areas of health and our overall wellness. Today we’re talking about SLEEP!
full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/231
Watch this episode on YouTube @vallavignelife
BOOK | The Power of When
OURA | Discount Code
STUDIO | Exhale Pilates
Work with Me
Transform Your Habits course (previously: 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge)
Healthy Habit Membership community
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship coaching program
INSTAGRAM | @vallavignelife
TIKTOK | @vallavignelife
Sallyanne Hartnell is a Relationship & Divorce Coach, blogger & podcaster.
Your divorce wing-woman, Sallyanne helps her clients answer the big questions they’re asking about their relationship, shift unhealthy relationship patterns, decide whether to stay or leave, & divorce with less drama.
She empowers you to see divorce as an opportunity to open your heart & mind to possibility. To reframe your story, reclaim your life & liberate yourself for a future you’re excited about… www.valerielavignelife.com/230 for the full show notes.
Instagram @vallaivgnelife @reflectioncoaching
Sallyann'e favourite book: Toll Kill a Mocking Bird
While I always aim to make building better habits, and breaking bad habits fun, I’m not going to sugarcoat the truth. And the truth is, there will be obstacles along your journey to creating your dream life. There will be times when you question your efforts, when you want to give up, when you misstep or fall into old patterns. However there is another truth I want to share with you – and this is something I tell ALL of my students or clients when they’re learning a new skill: it doesn’t get easier, you get better at it.
Full show notes at valerielaivgnelife.com/229
Let's connect on instagram @vallavignelife
Watch this episode on YouTube
Recommended Readings + Complimenting Podcast Episodes here
Book a CLARITY CALL with Valerie
Access the Transform Your Habits course
Lisa-Marie & her team specialize in holistic financial planning for those planning for retirement, those who are recently retired and those who have a growing business. They take a tailored approach with each client to develop a plan that is built specifically for them...
full show notes availalbe at valerielavignelife.com/228
instagram | @vallavignelife @winningandassociates
As we enter a new era of health and well-being, we've seen a surge in innovative practices and techniques that promote physical, mental, and emotional wellness. From mushroom stacking to mindful drinking, the options for enhancing our health seem endless. Join us as we dive into the latest trends and insights on how to live a healthier, happier life...
Full show notes availalbe at www.valerielavignelife.com/227
Instagram | @vallavignelife
YouTube | @vallavignelife
OURA Ring Promo Code
My Pilates Studio: EXHALE PILATES
Books Mentioned in this Episode:
Gut: The Inside Story of Our Body’s Most Underrated Organ
The Power of When: Discover Your Chronotype
Other Podcast Episodes Mentioned in this Podcast:
Episode 151: Creating Lasting Change Through Cold Therapy with Ashely Orr
E205: Simple Rituals for Centring and Safety with Integrative Psychotherapist & Breathwork Educator Eliza Butler
Episode 226: Going for Your High Level Goals with Pro Athlete Kia Nurse
A 2-time NCAA National Champion with UConn, 2-time Olympian with Team Canada and current WNBA player who doubles as a broadcaster for TSN’s coverage of the Toronto Raptors in the offseason. More importantly a full time dog mom who loves a good book and some Netflix.
www.valerielavignelife.com/226 for the full show notes
Instagram @vallavignelife @kianurse
Spring is in the air and we are doing a whole lot more than cleaning! It’s the perfect time to refresh and renew your life. Let’s start this spring season with a life cleanse!
full show notes at www.valerielavignelife.com/225
instagram | @vallavignelife
youtube | @vallavignelife
There is something powerful about affirming and connecting to a feeling. Whenever I work with someone, whether that be in a group coaching program or one-on-one experience, the foundation is the same. This foundation is about anchoring into a meaningful feeling. Today I’m excited to share three stories from past clients who were able to reset their habits using their unique feeling words: Presence, Rooted, and Space…
www.valerielavignelife.com/224 for the full show notes
Instagram | @vallavignelife
21 Day Challenge | www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | www.valerielaivgnelife.com/mentorship
Emilia Stypulkowska is a career coach and founder of Sunny Side Up Coaching. She helps people define their vision for their career, articulate their impact, and land their dream job…
full show notes availalble at www.valerielavignelife.com/223
instagram | @vallavignelife @sunnysideup_coaching
Emilia is currently reading: The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks
It is possible to have a smooth month ahead, especially if you take the time to do these seven things! www.valerielavignelife.com/222 for the full show notes
Instagram @vallavignelife
The Podcast is now availalbe on YouTube
Wisdom of the Oracle Deck | Shop Here
21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge | www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge
Something I witness often as a Healthy Habit Mentor are people trying to up-level their skills, advance their careers, and improve their lives BUT they’re wasting energy on the wrong actions and they aren’t moving forward.
What those of us who feel “STUCK” need is a reliable set of practices for awakening our greatest potential and abilities! Today I’m going to show you six powerful systems that create your high performance habits…
www.valerielavignelife.com/221 for the full show notes
Book | High Performance Habits
Instagram | @vallavignelife
YouTube | @vallavignelife
Work with me:
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship
Healthy Habit Membership
21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge
Today I’m excited to introduce you to, Realtor, Investor, Mindset Coach & Entrepreneur.
Shae McLeod’s dynamic personality and passion for helping others really shines through in this episode as she shares her story with us!
full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/220
Instagram | @vallavignelife @mcleodandassociates
Book | Never Finished by David Goggins
I read recently that if you want to be more productive, watch a funny video or comedy skit before getting to work on that project. Today I’m going to share why this works and how you can increase your levels of happiness every day!
www.valerielavignelife.com/219 for the full show notes
instagram | @vallavignelife
Gut health book | shop amazon
That’s it! No more excuses. If you’ve ever said, “I don't have time for self care routines” or “I need to keep up with the industry so something’s got to give and working out isn’t a priority.” or “I’ll take better care of myself when life is less busy in a few months' time.” or something along those lines - then this episode is for YOU!
www.valerielavignelife.com/218 full show notes
Instagram | @vallavignelife
21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge | www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge
Build Better Habits Guide | www.valerielavignelife.com/habits
Guest episode featuring Hannah Schwartz, Your Business Strategist. She works with entrepreneurs who are ready to level up in biz or want to pivot, and offers 1:1 and group programs! Hannah wants to know, what's your business plan?
www.valerielavignelife.com/217 for the full show notes
Instagram | @vallavignelife @startwithhannah
Build Better Habits Guide | www.valerielavignelife.com/habits
Whether you’re creating a new workout routine, wanting to improve your nutrition, save more money, or decrease your sugar intake, the greatest obstacle I hear about making or breaking ANY habit, is that you’re lacking consistency. Today I’m sharing 10 practices that can help you be more consistent so that you can level-up your habits, routines, and rituals.
www.valerielavignelife.com/216 for the complete show notes page
Join the email list | https://valerielavignelife.lpages.co/squeeze-me/
Download the free Build Better Habits Guide | www.valerielavignelife.com/habits
Connect with me on instagram | @vallavignelife
Aashima helps women of colour founders scale their businesses using paid ads. She’s been in the marketing industry for almost a decade; has a Bachelor of Commerce with Honors in International Economics, and post-graduate certifications in marketing management, public relations, and corporate communications. Aashima genuinely believes that you deserve to have a life outside of your business and that spending time with your family shouldn’t hinder your company’s growth. Over the last 2 years, she’s helped more than 100 coaches in every niche imaginable scale their businesses and buy time back into their schedules so they can enjoy their life.
www.valerielavignelife.com/215 for the full show notes
Almost exactly a year ago we launched our very-first-ever 21 day Healthy Habit Challenge, and since then we’ve supported over 100 women in elevating their life through healthy habits!
www.valerielavignelife.com/214 for the full show notes
21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge: www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge
Instagram | @vallavignelife
It's the final countdown... of 2022! Counting down the top 5 episodes of 2022, featuring your favourite guests!
One of the best ways to wrap up the year is to celebrate how far you’ve come with the people you appreciate most! Thank you for joining me this year, and for this holiday special.
www.valerielavignelife.com/213 for the full show notes page including: book links + episode links + more!
Build Better Habits Guide | www.valerielavignelife.com/habits
Instagram | @vallavignelife
When we see massive success, it’s easy to think that these results came from massive action. We feel pressure to make earth-shattering changes and improvements in our lives so that we can reach big goals.
However by making tiny changes, we can make more meaningful, remarkable results. This is the power of atomic habits…
www.valerielavignelife.com/212 for the full show notes
Atomic Habits Book
Work with Me! 1:1 Mentorship | Group Membership | 21 Day Challenge
Build Better Habits Guide www.valerielavignelife.com/habits
Instagram @vallavignelife
You’ve probably heard of the slow living movement, or seen the beautiful aesthetic on Instagram and TikTok, but what is slow living really? This week on the show I’m investigating what slow living really means, and sharing with you some of the ways you can create your own slow living routines and rituals...
Full Show Notes at www.valerielavignelife.com/211
Build Better Habits Guide www.valerielavignelife.com/habits
Instagram @vallavignelife
Paula Jeffery is a homeopath and hypnotherapist, with a special interest in human design (2/4 Sacral MG!). Her work is rooted in remembering that healing is first and foremost a journey back to self and, with the powerful support of Homeopathy, she helps women heal from chronic mental, emotional, and physical dis-ease..
full show notes | www.valerielavignelife.com/210
instagram | @vallavignelife @healingwithpaula
With the hustle and bustle of the holidays approaching, it’s easy to get swept up or turned around from our regular routines. Now is the best time to anchor into these three systems to help you better manage your busy-season stress…
full show notes | www.valerielavignelife.com
21 day challenge | Elevate Your Life
free workbook | Build Better Habits Guide
instagram | @vallavignelife
Leave a review on Apple Podcasts
Episode 01 | YouTube | Show Notes
Build Better Habits Guide www.valerielavignelife.com/habits
Book | Moon Bath
Instagram @vallavignelife
I felt like I got smacked in the face when it was all of the sudden Q4 and through review and reflection I realized my goals weren’t being met, my to do lists were only getting longer, and I had less and less time in my calendar. Feelings of guilt, confusion, and inadequacy were bubbling up and I knew a change had to be made…
full show notes | www.valerielavignelife.com/207
Val's new planner | Achieve Planner
instagram | @vallavignelife
“If you want to change the world… start by making your bed.” It’s a bold statement I read in Admiral William McRaven’s #1 New York Times Bestseller: Make Your Bed. But after years of repeating this daily practice, I stand by this quote wholeheartedly.
full show notes | www.valerielavignelife.com/206
guide | Build Better Habits (www.valerielavignelife.com/habits)
books | Make Your Bed + Atomic Habits
instagram | @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/205 full show notes and transcript
Instagram | @vallavignelife @elizab.well
TikTok | @vallavignelife @elizab.well
www.valerielavignelife.com/amanda for the full show notes
Instagram | @vallavignelife @thewolfe.co
TikTok | @vallavignelife @amandakohal
Cube Timer | shop white or shop black
If you’re experiencing a plateau in your current habits, then perhaps it’s time to elevate! If you need to take things to the next level, but you’re not yet sure what that is… This episode is for YOU!
Full Show Notes | www.valerielavignelife.com/202
1:1 Coaching | Make a Habit Mentorship
Group Coaching | Healthy Habit Membership
21 Day Challenge | Elevate Your Life
Instagram | @vallavignelife
Achieve Planner | shop amazon Canada
Our final episode in the Science & The Spiritual Series. Learn how to create better Occupational/Vocational Habits using scientific experimentation and powerful crystals and essential oils.
Full show notes and other episodes in the series available at www.valerielavignelife.com/201
Instagram | @vallavignelife
Work with me 1:1 | Make a Habit Mentorship Program
Answering 10 questions submitted by YOU! Thank you for your questions, I had a lot of fun responding to you in this episode.
www.valerielavignelife.com/200 for the detailed show notes
1:1 Mentorship Program
Instagram @vallavignelife
EXHALE PILATES | website | instagram
Medium Article | How to Sit with the Discomfort of Not Being Okay
“You are part of a small group of individuals who not only want more for their lives but are also willing to do what it takes to get results. In other words, you are the hero of the story; you’ve answered the call to adventure. I believe the ultimate adventure we are all on is to reveal and realize our fullest potential and inspire others to do the same.” - Jim Kwik
Full Show Notes | www.valerielavignelife.com/199
Book | LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik
Instagram | @vallavignelife
1:1 Coaching | Make a Habit Mentorship
Group Coaching | Healthy Habit Membership
21 Day Challenge | Elevate Your Life
www.valerielavignelife.com/198 for full show notes
We continue with our Science & Spiritual series with part six of seven: Environmental Wellness. Learn how to create, implement, and elevate environmental habits using scientific methods and spiritual tools…
Instagram | @vallavignelife
Mentorship Program
with Sarah Peel! For the full show notes, please visit www.valerielavignelife.com/197
program | Make a Habit Mentorship
instagram | @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/196 for the full show notes, resources, sources, and links.
instagram | @vallavignelife
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship
www.valerielavignelife.com/195 for the full show notes!
BOOK: LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik
BOOK: GRIT by Angela Duckworth
instagram | @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/194 for the full transcript
Join the next 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge!
instagram | @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/193 for full show notes and links to this episode with special guest Jessica Stephens
instagram | @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/192 for the sources, show notes, and more!
instagram | @vallavignelife
book a call with me | www.valerielavignelife.com/contact
book | LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik
Featuring special guest and Certified Holistic Nutritionist, Kaarthika!
www.valerielavignelife.com/kaarthika for the full show notes + links
In today's episode learn about balancing the four brainwaves for building better emotional habits such as: practicing mindfulness, cultivating positive self-talk, and creating time management skills.
Plus spiritual tools and practices like: crystals, essential oils, meditations and journal prompts to support these habits!
Full show notes + sources available at www.valerielavignelife.com/190
The Science & The Spiritual Series
PART ONE: Episode 189: Physical Habits
PART TWO: Episode 190: Emotional Habits
Instagram | @vallavignelife
In part one of this seven part series learn how to combine science & spirituality to create lasting habits that create balance in our lives. This week, physical habits: daily movement + eating more veggies + quality sleep!
www.valerielavignelife.com/189 for the full show notes and all sources mentioned in this episode!
Instagram | @vallavignelife
Join Kaylie and I as she describes the impact and surprises of overcoming fears of discipline to create a daily movement practice while juggling an inconsistent entertainment career and living in a tiny home in the woods!
Full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/188
Make a Habit Mentorship | 1:1 Coaching with Valerie
www.valerielavignelife.com/187 for the full show notes + transcript
Episode 132: BTS: My Monthly Accountability Meeting
Chantelle | Clear Quartz Creative Website + Aligned Action Podcast
Follow me on TikTok @vallavignelife
Tasha's new Healing + Meditation Centre
Healthy Habit Membership - Join the waitlist!
Episode 186: Flow Over Force
Let's connect on Instagram @vallavignelife
Access Habit Tracker + Dream Life freebies here!
www.valerielavignelife.com/186for the full transcript and show notes
Wisdom of the Oracle Deck
Download one of these freebies to receive my weekly exclusive emails
Before we get into today’s wonderful conversation, I wanted to celebrate that the podcast has reached over 70 000 downloads! My heart is exploding with gratitude for you and the listeners of this show. Thank you so much for your support and co-creating this podcast with me. I am so grateful for you.
Speaking of gratitude… Today on the podcast I am thrilled to introduce you to one of my healthy habit coaching clients Rae! Rae has blown me and the community members away with her outstanding commitment to building some game-changing habits. Here’s her inspiring story!
www.valerielavignelife.com/185 for the full show notes!
with special guest Sharana Ali
for full show notes visit: www.valerielavignelife.com/Sharana
Valerie Instagram | @vallavignelife
Sharana Instagram | @bossthesixthedition
Take the overwhelm out of your to do list with prioritization and the actionable techniques I am sharing with you today!
www.valerielavignelife.com/183 for the full show notes + more productivity episodes
instagram | @vallavignelife
While many people would watch the olympics, or high-level sporting events, see hugely successful public speakers, or read about large industry leaders, and think they must be very “talented” or even very “lucky!” The truth of the matter is that luck, or their talent is not what got them to where they are today. It was actually their Grit; their passion and perseverance that are the true keys to their magnificent success.
www.valerielavignelife.com/182 for the full show notes
Book | Grit by Angela Duckworth
Language Learning App | Duolingo
instagram | @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/181
Featuring Suzanne Zupan
Let us know what you thought about today's episode! Screenshot the show and tag @vallavignelife on instagram!
with Brianne Hanson
www.valerielavignelife.com/brianne for the full show notes + links to this episode!
instagram | @vallavignelife @consultingby.b
www.valerielavignelife.com/179 for the full show notes and journal questions to this episode
Episode 163: Habits VS Rituals
Episode 178: Embodiment Practices for Building a Better Business & Life with Robyn Gooding
share your rituals with me on instagram | @vallavignelife
Based in Western Canada, Robyn brings a proven process and a solid business background to the world of coaching.
A business strategist who helps coaches, creatives and healers build a booked out online business and scale their impact. Her coaching style is optimistic, joyful and focused on play and ease with consistent action. She has been called a “gentle powerhouse” because she gets things done without the fluff while still being connected to our inner knowing using her signature framework "The Profitable Way"....
Full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/178
instagram | @vallavignelife + @robyn.gooding
When Stephanie and I first connected, she was just starting her business and was diving deeper into personal development. But there was a missing piece to the work and habits she was already doing. This missing piece turned out to be a powerful part of her journey, and made a huge impact on the behaviours and actions she was currently doing and elevated her success and daily life moving forward… go to www.valerielavignelife.com/177 for the full show notes!
instagram Valerie | @vallavignelife +Stephanie | @define_yourself_with_steph
with Julia Rose
full show notes and details at www.valerielavignelife.com/julia
INSTAGRAM @vallavignelife + @juliarosewrites
MEDIUM Valerie + Julia
NEW! Book Reports: I'm getting back into the habit of reading again and I LOVE sharing some of the great takeaways and learnings with you.
This is a new segment for the show, so I would really appreciate your feedback or book suggestions!
Show Notes | www.valerielavignelife.com/174
Amazon Book Link | The Four Tendencies
The Four Tendencies Quiz
Free 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge
Instagram | @vallavignelife
Listen and learn how seven women created small and simple habits that lead to powerful transformation and impacted their lives in only three weeks...
full show notes available www.valerielavignelife.com/173
Elevate Your Life Healthy Habit Challenge
Instagram @vallavignelife
If you’ve ever felt rebellious against structure, or rolled your eyes when someone tried to tell you about discipline, then this podcast episode is for you.
It’s also for you if you desire freedom. If you have an idea of an abundant future and you are ready to step into your power and embody that best version of yourself.
Show Notes | www.valerielavignelife.com/172
Instagram | @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/171 for the full show notes
Valerie LaVigne IG | @vallavignelife
Emmy Rousseau IG | @transformwithemmy
Books Mentioned in this Episode:
5 Am Club - Robin Sharma
Stress Less, Accomplish More - Emily Fletcher
A Return to Love - Marianne Williamson
www.valerielavignelife.com/170 for the full show notes!
New Moon Rituals to Start this Month…
- Create Sacred Space
- Set Meaningful Intentions
- Start Something New
- Make a Manifestation List
- Create Your Own Ritual
Follow me on instagram + share your new moon ritual with me @vallavignelife
My favourite Astrology App CHANI APP
www.valerielavignelife.com/168 for the full show notes
Dream Lifestyle Roadmap + Habit Tracker Guide
IG | @vallavignelife
IG | @coachkasiabradford
www.valerielavignelife.com/167 for the full show notes and details
With special guest Blaire Caplan
IG Valerie (host)| @vallavignelife
IG Blaire (guets) | @lonewolfdistrict
www.valerielavignelife.com/166 for the full show notes + transcript
Four Tendencies Quiz
Four Tendencies Book
Instagram | @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/165 for the full show notes
other episodes mentioned: E159: This Mindset Habit Helped a Busy Mom Run a Marathon & Make an Impact
instagram | @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/elle for the full show notes
@vallavignelife + @ellerosher | instagram
www.valerielavignelife.com/163 full show notes
instagram | @vallavignelife
book | Atomic Habits by James Clear
full show notes: www.valerielavignelife.com/162
instagram: @vallavignelife
Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge: join us here
Counting down the top 5 episodes of 2021!
Check out www.valerielavignelife.com/160 for the full show notes to this episode
Previous Holiday Party Episodes:
E109: 2020
E59: 2019
Drink Recipe: Holiday Cheermeister Bourbon Punch
Episode #5 E121: How to Ask Powerful Yes or No Questions with Tara
"Confidence" Diffuser Blend
3 drops Black Spruce
3 drops Eucalyptus
Episode #4 E111: Create Habits Based on Core Values with Deanna
Episode #3 E140: 10 Ways to Show Up for Yourself
Episode #2 E116: Taking Aligned Action to Manifest Success with Cheryl
The 21 Time Capsule Questions + My Answers
Episode #1 E133: Elevating Your Morning Routine with Alexandra Panagoulia
Let's connect on Instagram @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/159 for the full show notes
screenshot this episode and tag me @vallavignelife on Instagram so we can connect with each other!
www.valerielavignelife.com/157 for the full list of habits and links mentioned in this episode
[3:33] Healthy Holiday Nutrition Habits
[10:20] Physical Healthy Holiday Habits
[14:28] Healthy Holiday Mindset Habits
Share your Healthy Holiday Habits with me on instagram @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/156 for the full show notes
[3:35] Solution Number One: Optimize Your Environment
[6:02] Solution Number Two: Use a Visual Planner
[12:37] Solution Number Three: Less is More
[15:43] Solution Number Four: Master Your Transitions
[17:58] Solution Number Five: Constructive Procrastination
[20:32] Solution Number Six: Realign Your Boundaries
www.valerielavignelife.com/155 for the full show notes
[00:29] Hello friends! Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. My name is Valerie and I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor. I work with women from all walks of life. I work with mothers, business owners, health care providers, students, coaches, and other women-identifying humans making an impact on the world.
So I can take a WILD guess that you my dear, yes you, have a desire to make a positive change in the world. I will bet that you are a person making an impact on the lives of people who are lucky enough to know you and be in your presence and that you give a lot.
With all of the incredible things you do, people you serve, and impact you are making, I will also be so bold as to say, there are times where you feel burnt out.
Heck, everyone has such busy lives and schedules, how do you cram all the things in? How do you possibly find time for you? Most days it feels like there is not enough time. Would you agree?
[1:35] I could definitely agree. There are days where I feel completely drained, exhausted, at the end of my rope, lazy, and totally BLAH! I couldn’t take action even if I tried. And I think the toughest part is that it takes even longer for me to achieve goals or tasks or make an impact because I am reviving myself AND still trying to do all the things at the same time. And really, the truth is when that is happening, I’m running on fumes. You feel me?
If you’re nodding along, then I’d like to challenge you to do less of this one thing to help you make more time for yourself and your self-care.
You see, what all of these impactful women have in common when we are doing all the things, burning out, and repeating the cycle again, is our detrimental perspective.
It took me a long time to learn that “we can do anything, just not everything.” I was a “yes person” for a very long time. There are so many reasons why we wrap ourselves up in these identities. Maybe we’re afraid of what people will think of us? Perhaps we aren’t listening to our intuition so we do what others expect of us. Or it could be that we want to be everything for everyone else and aren’t making ourselves a priority.
[3:08] Whatever your reason, I challenge you to change your perspective and prioritize yourself first thing every single day. Before you make any excuses. Before you tell me that it cannot be done. I am saying: I challenge you to prove to me that shifting your perspective on your self-care to this new thought doesn’t give you more time, more energy, more fulfilment in your life. Prove it.
Here’s what I’m talking about: Right now we have the detrimental perspective that we have to do all the things on our to-do list. We tell people that when it comes to our self-care our biggest struggle is finding the time. We feel like we have to cram and force it all into our calendars. We know we should put ourselves first, but when we actually see our priority list… well I’m not seeing our names on it, or it’s at the very bottom of the list.
I said some keywords here that I’d like us to reframe. Did you catch them? They were:
Have to
Finding the time
Cram and force
Should
[4:32] This languaging, this perspective is detrimental. Here’s the swap:
Get to
Create the time
Prioritize and make
Want
We get to do all the things
We can create the time in our calendars
We prioritize and make the time for ourselves
We want to put ourselves first
The detrimental perspective is disempowering. It creates feelings of pain, suffering, obstacles, struggle, and dislike.
The new languaging and perspective is empowering. It encourages feelings of joy, happiness, space, creation, strength, and bliss.
[5:12] Do less of, or completely eliminate that disempowering and detrimental perspective so that you can create more time for yourself. So that you can fill your cup up and then pour onto others. I know the filling the cup analogy is becoming a cliche, but it’s the perfect example and visualization for this.
Imagine an empty glass of water sitting in the middle of your kitchen table. This is you. Your self-care is the water we are pouring into our cup. When we first begin this shift in perspective. When we say “I get to work through my to do list today” We fill our up ¼ of the way. Then we “create time in our calendars” for the things that lift us up aka our self care we fill the cup another ¼ of the way. Our cup is now half full. Next, we put ourselves at the top of the priority list. Cup fills up again. We continue to do these things over and over and over again and the cup is overflowing. Imagine it. Imagine water just pouring into the cup and more water spilling over.
[6:25] Guess where all the extra water goes? To everyone and everything else around us, and the best part… WE AREN’T BURNT OUT! We are OVERFLOWING!
We can give more, do more, love more, create more, show up more, be more when we make this shift in our perspective. When we prioritize ourselves first every day.
If you think putting yourself last on the list is helping you or helping more people I am bursting that bubble right now. Fill your cup first.
Let this be a reminder to us all - myself included - to make this change and embody this new thought pattern.
You can also share your experience and let me know that you’re doing the challenge over on instagram @vallavignelife I want to know about what action and self-care you are taking to prioritize yourself!
If you’re listening to this episode and thinking of a friend who could also use this powerful mindset shift, you can share it with them and invite them into the challenge also.
www.valerielavignelife.com/154 for the full show notes
[02:42] #1 REASON
[5:19] #2 HABIT TRIGGER
[7:53] #3 MICRO HABIT
[10:58] #4 EFFECTIVE PRACTICE
[14:58] #5 AN ACTION PLAN
- 3 BONUS TIPS
www.valerielavignelife.com/153 for the full show notes and details from today's episode!
www.valerielavignelife.com/ashley for full show notes, links, and details for this week's episode!
www.valerielavignelife.com/150 for full show notes and links
[00:53] 1. What is the Make a Habit Mentorship Program?
ENROL HERE: www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship
[4:04] 2. How did you first start the mentorship program?
Check out my coaching friend Viv! E144: Intimacy Rituals with Viv Kan
[10:54] 3. Who is the mentorship program for?
[14:35] 4. Who is it not for?
[15:34] 5. What can I expect when I enrol in the mentorship program?
E149: Eliminating Overwhelm & Creating Work-Life Balance (BTS the Make a Habit Mentorship Program)
[18:51] 6. How did you become certified as a coach and how has that changed your experience?
[] 7. Are there any specific resources or people that have helped/been a guiding force for you?
www.valerielavignelife.com/149 for the full show notes, and free videos and resources to support this episode. Including the 28-Day Action Plan to Creating Work-Life Balance.
www.valerielavignelife.com/148 for the full show notes and links
Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. I received your kind messages from last week’s episode and I am very grateful for them. If you missed it, last week I had a little teary on the show, and it was the first proper cry on a recording haha. It was about how life and our habits can be messy. Which for me last week was a real struggle.
However, I spent the weekend at a wellness retreat with some incredible women, and I am feeling refreshed and ready for the week ahead and the exciting content that is coming up.
Which brings me to this week’s episode! We’re focusing on the ebbing, flowing, shifting, and changing of our habits. This topic was inspired by a question I received in one of my healthy habit workshops. Kaylie asked, “How can we recognize when a healthy habit is no longer serving us? When can we know it’s time to move on vs just not feeling motivated?”
How great is that question!? Immediately I thought of the age-old saying, the only constant is change, and I also thought of how my own habits have changed overtime.
As you’re listening [reading the show notes] I encourage you to do the same. Think of the last six to twelve months. How have your habits, routines, rituals changed through the year? Or perhaps through the last couple years?
Using myself as the example I shifted from gym workouts to home workouts over the last couple years. Although this wasn’t something I was planning on doing, the workout routine evolved over the last couple years and I am now in a weekly routine/groove that I feel very happy about.
One of the reasons that the transition wasn’t so smooth was because the change was unexpected and I was forcing myself to do something that I didn’t want to do. Which brings me to our first point of how do we know it’s time to move on?... if you feel like you’re forcing the habit.
FLOW OVER FORCE
Choose flow over force. When we’re first creating our habit or new routine, there is some structure, force, intention, and discipline involved. But the whole point of building a new habit is so that eventually we DON’T have to force it to happen, and instead it happens habitually; it flows.
For myself I was forcing a workout to happen very early in the morning. I was forcing my body to wake up much earlier than it wanted to, and in the end wasn’t getting the results and the feeling that I wanted from working out.
Think about a current habit that you are struggling with. Does it feel forced? If yes, is this because you are in the beginning stages of your habit, or some other reason?
With my example, it was another reason. Not only did my gym close, but my daily routine changed dramatically. I didn’t have to workout at 6am, in fact my body was screaming NO MORE EARLY WORKOUTS! When I went into more of a flow, I started to workout around 7am, 9am, and sometimes 10am. I recognized the importance of a morning exercise routine, but I didn’t force it to happen before 7am. Instead, I scheduled the workout in my calendar for 9am and promised myself it would start before 10am. This flexibility and fluidity has actually made me MORE consistent with my weekly workouts and I am in our home gym 3-4 times every week.
As you consider why your habits feel forced, ask yourself questions like:
- Is there something that needs to happen before this habit?
- Is there an alternate time in my schedule where this habit would be more successful?
- Why specifically does this habit feel forced?
REASSESS THE INTENTION
Another reason why our habits change is because our intentions change. There is ALWAYS a reason for starting a new habit. Whether that be a long term goal we are striving for, or a feeling we want to achieve. As discussed in many of the previous episodes of the podcast, starting with intention is very important.
The intention is the why power. It’s the motivation and the fuel for doing what we do; including with our new healthy habits.
Change is inevitable, and it’s possible that the habits we’ve built will no longer serve us, because circumstances change. Relationships change, we change, our goals change!
The question to ask ourselves is: Are my habits bringing me closer to my current goals or are they halting my growth? This is why we always start with our intention, and we build out our habits around that intention.
Let’s go back to my morning workout example. During the struggle of figuring out a new routine I was finding it difficult to workout in the garage, so I opted for daily walks and a goal of 10 000 or more steps daily. The intention was to incorporate more movement into my daily routine since I wasn’t weight training at the time.
I had lots of success with this habit, but over a few months I started to recognize a shift in my goal and intention. I no longer wanted to just create movement. I wanted to be more specific and aim for strength in my daily movement practice. This meant less steps, and more weights again.
Consider the habit you are struggling with. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What are my current intentions and goals?
- Is my habit bringing me closer to my current goal, or halting my growth?
- Is there a better habit that can bring me closer to my current intention?
When we’re in the position of feeling unmotivated or stuck with our current habit(s), it’s important to recognize that our habits change just like we do. Let go of any guilt or shame around wanting to ditch or switch the current habit(s).
Then, get curious. Ask the questions I mentioned in this episode, [above] that help us better understand where and what needs to change.
Some additional questions to support you with your intentions are:
- What areas of my life do I need to focus on?
- What big things are coming up this month/quarter/year?
- What mindset and energy do I want to channel to undertake those things?
As we go through the transition process, keep track of what is working, and what’s not working. Allow this time to be fluid, and experiment with different habits or solutions that support growth.
Ooh! Reevaluating habits could be another limb of our Monthly Accountability Meeting! Or something to incorporate quarterly, or annually. This will be something that you can decide for yourself based on the timeline of your goals.
Episode 132: Behind the Scenes: My Monthly Accountability Meeting
I hope this episode helps you integrate more intentional and motivating habits. Take some time to ask and answer the questions we went through to properly understand the introspection. If you feel inspired to take your habits to the next level and invest in one-on-one support, you can contact me through my website, or sign up for the Make a Habit Mentorship Program.
Next week we’re doing a mini training on the podcast: Eliminating Overwhelm and Creating Work-Life Balance. Until then let’s connect on instagram, find me @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/145 for the full show notes
[1:32] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I’m your host Valerie LaVigne. I have to be honest and share that my energy isn’t as excitable and upbeat as it usually is while recording my podcast episodes. So if this is your first time listening to the show, please know that the tone is generally more positive and a little livelier.
As always, I do my best, and some days that means showing up even if it’s not glitter and gold, it’s me and it’s authentic.
If you never miss an episode you might notice that this particular episode is coming out one week late. Yep. Last week was the first week I hadn’t published an episode since starting this podcast a few years ago.
I had a lot of guilt, shame, worry, frustration around this and eventually I let it go. I was able to surrender to the fact that an episode wasn’t coming out because my mental and emotional health needed my attention more than my weekly podcast did.
Yes my friends, your Healthy Habit coach has been having a really hard time coping with life lately and even though I practice daily intention setting, gratitude, mindfulness, and physical wellness - the weight I am carrying on my shoulders feels a lot heavier than what I can currently handle.
Why am I telling you this?
A few reasons actually. Firstly, life is fucking hard. Owning a business is also really fucking hard. And right now both of those things are weighing very heavy on me. So heavy that I’ve come to the realization that I need a reset.
In the past several weeks I have hit tipping point, after breaking point, after burnout, and so on. And last week I finally said, “I’m done.” My body is done. My mind is done. My heart is breaking and I need to stop before it’s too late. And it already feels a little too late.
So that’s the bad news. BUT as always, I do find the positive in everything so here’s the good news:
I’m not alone in the way that I’ve been feeling. I’ve had quite a few conversations within my instagram community over @vallavignelife and we’ve been chatting about a collective low energetic vibration as well as how not a lot of people are sharing the hard part of running businesses. Which is also why I am sharing this with you.
They told us not to judge books by their covers, well don’t judge businesses by their social media accounts either!
Not only am I not alone in this, but I also have an extended toolkit with the power to help myself and others elevate their vibration and their habits.
Which is why today, I’m teaching you how to build a strategy and take ACTION to reset your habits and get back on track and feel better in your body.
If you’re feeling anything like I am, this episode is for you dear one.
[6:33] Before we begin, I encourage you to take an entire day off in your calendar to really hit reset. If you can take multiple days off in a row, do that. It doesn’t mean you have to go away for those days, but actually take a proper day off work/life.
I’ll use myself as an example as I blocked off Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday off in my calendar. Here’s how it looked:
Friday I worked from 9:30am - 12:30pm with a 60 minute break for exercise in between that 3 hour work sprint. I spent the better part of the day cooking new food which I love, and eating with my family and catching up with each other.
Saturday, my partner Craig and I often sleep in (relative for us) and head to the farmer’s market. This time we bought so much fresh produce and flowers. Supporting local businesses and farms, spending time outside, and fresh cut flowers make me very happy and fill my cup. After breakfast we explored a new hiking path together and ended up at this beautiful river and spent time enjoying the sun and the peaceful sounds of the forest. Later we played board games and swam, and relaxed again at home.
On Sunday I went grocery shopping for any other food we need (that we didn’t already get from the market) for the week - this is something I do every week and technically it’s a chore), but it didn’t feel like one because it’s more of a ritual for me as I enjoy this alone time and choosing healthy foods to incorporate into our meals for the week ahead.
I also did 30 minutes of emails and some podcast work Sunday.
Self care elevates our mood, increases energy, boosts immunity and makes life a lot easier to handle. So does balance and rest.
I’m going into detail with this because I want you to see how taking time off can be making time to do something different, or it can be making time to do NOTHING. We didn’t schedule anything in. If you know that specific tasks NEED your attention and NEED to get done, then allow 30-120 minutes per day to get those tasks done. Delegate the rest.
[10:17] Speaking of “rest,” take some. The weekend I took off I went to bed relatively early and I didn’t set any alarms to wake up. Believe it or not I woke up a bit early but I felt SO rested when I woke up because I wasn’t waking up with an alarm. I really prioritized rest, and the only goals I set for myself were to stick to work boundaries and to sleep as much as my body needed to.
Your body heals when you are sleeping. Take time to rest, recharge… and now… we can RESET!
I always aim to make the content on the podcast as tangible as possible, so here is how we reset our habits when we break it down into steps.
[11:25] Step One: Rest & Recharge with Compassion
We’re all doing our best, so take a moment to breathe and give yourself some grace. It’s okay, we’re going to be okay.
If you can’t take a full day off, make a point of scheduling in some downtime into your calendar. Time-block your self-care, even if you can manage 1 hour a day. (P.s. 1 hour is 4% of your day, you can definitely manage that). Once you’ve put it in your calendar DO NOT MOVE IT. You have to take time to rest. No excuses.
[12:10] Step Two: Come back to Your Core Values
In episode 111 of the podcast we talked about creating habits based on core values. What were the core values you outlined in this episode? There are countless resources for understanding your core values, but they really come into play with a lot of the components of my Coaching practice as well as in many episodes of this show.
Core Values are our fundamental beliefs and guiding principles. Everyone will have a different list of core values, and everyone’s core values will mean something different to them.
One of my core values is ADVENTURE. To me this means worldly travel, but it also means trying new things, getting out of my comfort zone, meeting new people, experiencing different cultures and traditions, exploring nature, and more!
CREATIVITY is another core value of mine. To me this means doing things differently. It also represents innovation and expansion; turning something old into something new; seeing different viewpoints; experimenting.
Write out each of your core values, and include a definition or personal meaning for each of them. Once you have your list, you’ll be able to move to the next step.
[13:36] Step Three: Start Where You Are
Take stock of your current habits (both good and bad habits), and make note of the ones you want to change (eliminating bad habits), and/or perhaps you want to improve (make good habits better).
[13:57] Step Four: Reset by Replacing Old Habits with New Habits
If you’re not already writing out your Core Values in a notebook or on a piece of paper, then get it out now. I’d like you to make a three column chart.
Column One: write “Old Habit”, in Column Two: write “Core Values”, and in the Third Column: write “New Habit”
Here are my examples:
#1 My current bad habit is that I’ve been procrastinating on my daily walks because they’re a bit boring and I’m so exhausted that I’d rather lay on the couch with my legs up the wall.
Core Value: Adventure
New Habit: instead of a daily walk, I schedule a weekly hike. As we head into the autumn season it will be so beautiful to watch how the leaves change colours and explore some new trails.
#2 Another bad habit I have is eating chocolate late in the evening/snacking before bed.
Core Value: Creativity
New Habit: replace late night snacking with a different indulgence like a warm cup of tea, or a relaxing bubble bath and a good book. Opt for self-care like a gua sha face massage or a cooling sheet mask.
[15:14] Here are some extra tips I wanted to share with you when it comes to resetting your habits.
TIP #1: If you aren’t sure where to start, focus on foundational habits like food/nutrition, rest/sleep, and mindset. Sometimes the best resets come from when we reboot our foundational habits, TRUST ME: a good sleep goes a long way!
TIP #2: Make the new habits teeny-tiny! This will make them easier to achieve and will help rebuild your motivation and confidence. You can scale your habits little by little and watch the exponential progress toward your goal. Remember that a tiny step forward is still a step forward.
TIP #3: If you’re really stuck on eliminating bad habits, relisten to episode 138: Eliminating Bad Habits
TIP #4: Always begin with compassion. Step one of the reset doesn’t just apply here, it applies along the way. We all know that it takes time to build, and rebuild our habits - especially if your bad habits have become very automated since it’s easier for us to lose sight of our healthier habits. Do your best, and if you miss a day, reset the next day.
TIP #5: Remember the Core Value behind your healthy habit. This is your “why power” for doing what you do. When your habit is value-driven, it’s more satisfying and you are more likely to do it.
TIP #6: Plan for challenging situations and obstacles. Don’t play like you aren’t going to come up against some sort of pushback. We are our own worst enemies. What could go wrong? No really… ask yourself, what could go wrong AND how will I avoid or overcome this?
TIP #7: Stack habits. This means adding a small habit to something you’re already doing each day. For example, take your vitamins when you eat breakfast. Drink 500ml of water before you have a cup of coffee.
TIP #8: Track habits. Whether it’s your bullet journal, an app on your phone, a sticker in your notebook, or checking off a date in your calendar, figure out a way to keep track of your success with your habit.
Hold me accountable for my new healthy habits, and I’ll hold you accountable for yours over on instagram, find me @vallavignelife !
If you are having a hard time coping right now, please reach out to me. I would love to connect with you more and hold space for what you are going through. I know the pain and the pressure and I know how hard times can be.
You are loved, you are here for a reason, you have a purpose on this planet. Focus on the small, seemingly insignificant habits that you do daily, and I guarantee your life will change. There is power in baby steps and tiny actions. Start today!
www.valerielavignelife.com/143 tap the link for the full show notes including full transcript, link to our Instagram Live Recipe video, links to our guest Tiffany Ricci and Kendra Miller, and more!
www.valerielavignelife.com/142 for the birth chart calculator + full show notes
[4:34] AQUARIUS
[6:39] PISCES
[7:55] ARIES
[9:42] TAURUS
[11:00] GEMINI
[12:09] CANCER
www.valerielavignelife.com/141 for full show notes and links
[5:11] LEO (July 23 - August 22)
[6:35] VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
[8:15] LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
[9:39] SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
[11:55] SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
[13:31] CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
Listen to Part Two in Episode 142 for the remaining zodiac signs and rituals!
www.valerielavignelife.com/140 for the full show notes and links!
[3:34] Number One: Commit to Habits, Practices, Routines, and Rituals that support your health and well-being, even when you don’t feel like it.
[4:51] Number Two: Learn to Forgive Yourself.
[5:58] Number Three: Allow Yourself to Feel ALL the Feels, Judgement-Free!.
[6:55] Number Four: Listening to What We Need.
[8:06] Number Five: Allow Yourself to Start Over.[8:40] Number Six: Remind Yourself that You Are Worthy.
[9:50] Number Seven: Prioritize Your Health.
[11:51] Number Eight: Give Yourself Permission to Rest.
[13:13] Number Spend Quality Time with You!
[13:45] Number Ten: Invite Curiosity and Compassion into Everything You Do.
with Jodi Vienneau
full show notes and links available at www.valerielavignelife.com/jodi
www.valerielavignelife.com/138 for the full show notes
[3:33] Education + Intention
[10:41] Add Rather than Subtract
[12:07] Simplify It… Again
[15:05] Tell EVERYONE! Better yet, document the whole thing on social media
[16:45] Remove Distractions + Set Up Reminders/Triggers
[19:56] Reward Yourself
[23:47] Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
with Melanie Boudens
www.valerielavignelife.com/137 for all the show notes, links, and more!
www.valerielavignelife.com/136 for the full show notes and links! Today we’re going to use each of these definitions, in a new context. Today we’re going to talk about the power of interruptions in the continuous progress of negative self-talk and anxiety The power of interruptions by taking alternate action through journaling and reprogramming And lastly, the power of breaking the continuity of automation in our habits, behaviours, and daily actions.
www.valerielavignelife.com/135 with Kennedy Vienneau
Learn all about AURAS! Including what they are, and how to see them, and understand them.
Discover how you can speak to Spirit and create Energetic Boundaries with Spirit and others.
Understand the best practices for connecting with energy, and how to get the most out of your energy reading with Kennedy!
www.valerielavignelife.com/134 for the full show notes and links
Tantric meaning of Shiva & Shakti
Masculine and Feminine Energy in Action
Incredible Book for all Women!
What imbalance looks and feels like
Self test to understand where our particular imbalances are
How to start creating balance in your own life
with Alexandra Panagoulia.
Meet the founder of Batch Beauty Lab, business consultant, and philanthropist, Alexandra Panagoulia in this week’s episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast as she shares her high-vibe morning routine and the best practices for making our mornings better…
www.valerielavignelife.com/133
www.valerielavignelife.com/132 for the full show notes and links to videos and resources mentioned in this episode.
Every month I have a solo-date aka Accountability Meeting and it's like a CEO day for my business. In today's episode I take you behind-the-scenes and share the exact items I track, specific questions I ask, and a few other key pieces to the meeting that helps me achieve my big-picture goals!
I also teach you how to make this meeting your own, with questions to ask that help you customize your experience, as well as some journal prompts to get you started!
with Sarah Sturino www.valerielavignelife.com/131 for full show notes.
[1:11] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I have a very special guest Sarah Sturino. Sarah is a woman, mother and daughter, friend, teacher, Pilates instructor Reiki practitioner and mindfulness facilitator, her whole life has been a wellness journey. All the work she does with others stems from her own self healing and her fundamental belief that we all must operate out of love, rather than fear. Sara is an outspoken introvert, a beauty seeker, and anxiety queen in recovery, a lover of crystals and essential oils and movement junkie and a lifelong learner. Oh my goodness gracious, I feel like you wear all the hats, and I love that that bio ended with lifelong learner because I'm looking at all of the things you do and I'm thinking, Well, she must have taken every course, ever.
Sarah Sturino: We do love to learn and take courses, I think I could have been one of those like students for sure.
VL: Absolutely, and I find as a, as a teacher and instructor myself, I find that, You know, there's always an opportunity to learn more, and it's not just from the courses but also from the people that we work with, and our students and our clients and all that good stuff so Sarah and I actually met at a was like a little photo shoot party thing was really random was kind of like a serendipitous thing on my end anyway. And we didn't know each other and I remember like, when I first saw Sarah I was very intimidated.
She's very, you have this like, incredible presence that's a fairy, it's your you have like a very confident presence of very you're very sure of yourself, but you can see how when you're, when you're, when you're holding space in a room, you're also very aware of other people's energy so right away I knew that you are very much an empath but you had really good boundaries with your energy and whose energy you were going to hold spacebar, and I was like, Whoa, this is someone who I don't know, you just, it was like fascinating because it was like I wanted to get to know you, but I was also a little nervous.
SS: That's very funny actually to me and interesting because I think once people know me I'm anything but intimidating, but I often, I often hear that.
And I would love to be able to view myself from somebody else's eyes because I think what some of that is, is some of that is, is some walls that I put up, right, that is maybe because of past hurts, and even the boundaries thing I'm not sure my boundaries were that great back when I met you or I guess we're always developing them them lifelong.
Yeah, I've always been very aware of the energy in the room and gravitated towards certain people and kind of almost shied away from others, so we definitely gravitated towards one another that day and, yeah, you're right.
VL: Yeah, exactly. And I was gonna say to you I mean, now that I've gotten to know you over the years, I think I kind of was like, oh my god I can't believe I thought she was so intimidating before because you're actually very wonderful to talk to, you're very, now I feel like you're really approachable and, I mean we've had so many deep conversations that I always think after I leave the conversation at the end like Darren, who should have recorded this for the podcast so it's really a pleasure to have you on the show today it's definitely, it's definitely been an overdue interview. And today we we've actually decided that, out of all the things we'd love to talk about because I'm sure we could talk about oils and crystals, and pilates and all the other things. but what we're really focusing on today is mindfulness, and you said it before, and I'm sure you'll, you'll mention it again but mindfulness is really a huge pillar and a huge part of everything else you do so, why don't we start with what is mindfulness.
SS: Sure, well I think to make it as uncomplicated as possible really all it is is being in the present moment, without judgment, without judgment of others with their judgement of yourself, which is probably the one most of us struggle more with is the self judgment. So, I mean there are a million different definitions out there but I think that is the best, most simple one but it is being in the present moment, without, without judgment.
We get into some of the pillars of mindfulness and some of that but that is a really good definition not to live in the past not to live in the future. And just to be here in this day and moment.
VL: And I think that's the best way to explain it is, it is really much earlier so much about being present, but that's not always easy.
SS: It's not easy at all.
And even when you're a mindfulness coach or mindfulness facilitator, you find yourself not in the present moment, at times.
VL: So, so often.
[6:39] SS: I think one of the, this is where some of my other trends come in because one of the best methods for me personally for getting myself into the present moment is movement and breath, and those can be connected or not connected. So whether I'm breathing through my Pilates practice or yoga class, or whether I'm just pausing and doing some type of breath work those for me and for many, are two of the ways that you can definitely return to the present moment, and with the movement piece, even if it's not feasible in that moment or in that date to squeeze in a yoga or pilates practices, perhaps, dancing around the kitchen, even just shaking the body balancing the body in different ways, moves the energy around and shakes up the brain and puts you back into the present.
VL: Yes, exactly. I think movement is well for me, I would say it was, it would be a pillar of mindfulness is that one of the pillars of mindfulness, I feel like there's a specific pillar here.
SS: No, it's not one of the pillars of mindfulness, but I think it's one of the ways that we achieve the pillars, mindfulness, the pillars of mindfulness come from one of the fathers of mindfulness, which is Jon Kabat Zinn and he is one of the goddesses who kind of brought it out, what is woven into the Western world.
According to him, and I would abide by this the nine pillars are
- Non-judging
- Acceptance
- Patience
- Beginner’s Mind
- Trust
- Non-Striving
- Letting Go
- Gratitude
- Generosity
In general, and some kind of mingling of those nine things in your life will lead you to truly mindful practice mindful existence.
VL: Well those are actually pretty new to me, I don't think I've ever heard of those nine pillars before but I can definitely see how they tie into mindful, I want to say a mindful lifestyle a mindful human mindful approach to life, I suppose, yeah definitely a mindful approach to life. I really liked that. So, okay, maybe we can break it down a little bit more because I know I've said this before but and I know you've listened to several of the podcast episodes but the show was really about having the tangible, practical tactical tools and methods that we can really take into action because really the only way we're gonna change the only way for transformation, the only way we're really going to have this approach is if we take action so we jump into some of the ways to, to use mindfulness or to incorporate mindfulness into our lives.
SS: Definitely. What I'd love to do is to take you and your our listeners through a little mindfulness practice if that's okay with you. Yes, that would be great. Okay, so let me explain where this mindfulness practice comes from one of the places that I am facilitated with three certified as mindfulness illustrators through an organization called mindfulness without borders.
As the title alludes to they are all over the world, and they're really trying to offer mindfulness to people of all religions, all cultures, make it very accessible to people so I chose to become certified as a facilitator of their Youth Ambassadors Program. Although it's a youth program I've also delivered it with adults and it works extremely well, that I do a lot of work with. So, within their programs all of their programs. They have a breeding practice that they call to them to you that, and the reason why they call it the practice to them. It was named by one of their ambassadors, one of their mindfulness investors in Rwanda, and in that language to them refers to the idea of slowing down before reacting.
As the title alludes to they are all over the world, and they're really trying to offer mindfulness to people of all religions, all cultures, make it very accessible to people so I chose to become certified as a facilitator of their Youth Ambassadors Program. Although it's a youth program I've also delivered it with adults and it works extremely well, that I do a lot of work with. So, within their programs all of their programs. They have a breeding practice that they call to them to you that, and the reason why they call it the practice to them. It was named by one of their ambassadors, one of their mindfulness investors in Rwanda, and in that language to them refers to the idea of slowing down before reacting.
So it's the idea that if you do this free breathing practice, you're creating space between your emotion and your reaction, kind of anchor.
So I can take you through a brief TUZA, and then I can also tell you and your listeners where you can access different voices taking you through something very similar to them.
VL: Yes, that would be amazing
[12:24] SS: Okay, so, Val and listeners let's get ready. You're just gonna sit in uncomfortable positions. You can lie down, you prefer, that is fine. And I'd like you to allow both, both of your feet to connect or
rest your hands on your thigh, palms up, if you want to invite new energy in and palms down if you feel like you need to ground yourself and just let your shoulders. Slowly move away from your fingers gently close your eyes. If that's comfortable for you, or find a reference point on the floor, where you can return your eyes that you get your arm.
rest your hands on your thigh, palms up, if you want to invite new energy in and palms down if you feel like you need to ground yourself and just let your shoulders. Slowly move away from your fingers gently close your eyes. If that's comfortable for you, or find a reference point on the floor, where you can return your eyes that you get your arm.
Don't judge the feeling.
Now bring your attention to the flow of your breath.
I'm not going to ask you to breathe in any special way, simply notice each breath coming into the body with an in breath and leaving the body has been out breath.
I'm not going to ask you to breathe in any special way, simply notice each breath coming into the body with an in breath and leaving the body has been out breath.
Do not judge your personal experience with it. Be kind and compassionate to how you are feeling in the moment, allowing each inhale to be a new beginning. and each exhale to be a letting go.
Allow each inhale to bring new energy in, and each exhale. Select by taking one more breath. When you're ready. Slowly bring your attention back to your surrounding perhaps introduce some movement to the body a little stretch.
And let how you feel now, guide you through the rest of the day, and I'm going to ask you as I would if I was facilitating this in the group. How do you feel now?
[14:36] VL: I feel, definitely calmer and more grounded. I didn't realize how tired I was like I was breathing in then yawning a bunch of times.
And, but then, this is kind of an aside but sometimes when I go into meditation or I do Reiki on someone else, or even myself whenever I go into like a spiritual place I think beyond a lot and it's not always because I'm tired it's like this is like the way that I connect to her spiritual energy. So maybe that was happening, or maybe a combination of both.
Also, I rarely when I'm sitting down on a chair, or the sofa or whatever, I rarely put my feet on the ground. And this is something that someone else has brought to my attention recently too.
So, this is, I feel like I need this so much right now and I'm sure people listening will also agree with how much like grounding and just mindfulness and being present, noticing the breath, because I think as we start to notice our breath, we also start to notice that we're holding our breath, or we're not taking deep breaths.
But yeah, that was lovely. And that was only like a minute or two, it was so easy to do.
SS: Yeah, and that I think is the key is that it doesn't need I think the word meditation can be intimidating to people. Whereas, just something as simple as closing your eyes, sitting with feet on the ground, and doing it. The breath is a mindfulness practice. It doesn't have to go deeper into becoming an actual meditation. It certainly can. Eventually, but that we can still get a results with just that two minutes.
Really what is breath and inner, inner focus is, is I think what makes it very accessible for people.
VL: Yeah, you know what I think meditation can be very intimidating because there's a lot of different types of meditation. I really like how accessible you've kind of demonstrated that mindfulness practice to be. And, I mean it's as simple as putting your feet on the ground and noticing your breath, well you could do that anywhere, right. We could do that when were at the grocery store, we could do that when we're getting out of our car from driving, we just put our feet on the ground, take a breath and then that's our transition to the next place or the next thing that we're doing so.
It's simple, and it's one of those things where, you know the work or the transformation that we talked about earlier comes when we just do the work and we repeat it over time.
Well, as you know I love chatting about habits. I feel like we could make this a habit, but could we maybe go through a couple more maybe examples it doesn't have to be a mindfulness, quote unquote meditation or anything or mindfulness practice but maybe some other things that we could do, and incorporate into our lifestyle.
SS: Sure, I actually when I hold my group I actually talk about developing mindful daily habit. And the reason why the word habit, I guess, is so important, is I'm just going to delve into a little bit here. I'm currently taking a program at McMaster University called mindfulness and modern thought. and it's a series of five courses and of course I'm presently taking it's about the neuroscience behind COVID, which is fascinating to explore doing studies where they're taking MRIs of people's brains before doing an eight week mindfulness program and after and seeing many changes in the brain matter of the brain, left brain matter in that fight or flight part of the brain more gray matter in the logic, reasoning part of the brain, these are all things we want to see. That's, to me it's like scientific proof that eight weeks of a habit, creates actual biological change in the brain, a crazy, like, I love that they can actually prove that out with the technology.
So to give you an example of a mindful daily habit, this is something that happened to me recently, is my dishwasher broke, and of course, my immediate reaction was, oh this is not good and it's it's terrible and. And then I thought, like, the first time I was washing dishes in ages, how mindful practice them dancing, rounded down the ground, not thinking about anything else, not judging the situation or thinking how angry I am that dishwasher is broken and I might have to pay money to have it, but just being in that moment, I haven't met my family, my Washington petition is a quiet moment for don't have to do anything else I can breathe while I'm doing it. It made me so much less resentful of the broken, dishwasher, so adding any kind of daily habit.
Another thing that I've personally done is put a little form kind of mantra thing on my mirror in my bathroom, so that I remember to be mindful while I'm brushing my teeth because again something we do every day, probably more than once or twice a day, and just standing there, you know on the ground, a moment to be mindful to let the brain go kind of into a void space or a blank slate, and breathe.
VL: Oh, my goodness, you're, you're hitting the nail on the head today I want to brush my teeth I'm like okay these are all the things I have to do tomorrow, when I'm doing the dishes, I'm like oh my god okay so now I have to do this which make this meal.
So I feeling called out, which I find a lot of guests are doing to me like I think I need, I think I need this more than anyone else today.
SS: But I think we all do it though we all fit and the more, the more, the more we do the mindful part, the less likely we are to go back there, just like anything else when we start any new habit of constantly talking about habit. Yes. Yeah, so that it becomes more habitual and more of a regular part of your routine, and the mindful moments come more naturally, sometimes I encourage my clients that little alarm in their phone with mindful moments when they're first learning this because, let's face it the day is busy for most people crazy and they need to, you know, then that little reminder was, okay, I'm gonna stop and breathe until it become more natural, and even for myself at times when things are really crazy.
VL:
[24:40] SS:I think everything everybody ebbs and flows practice like this, that's important with the non judgement people to know that we all ebb and flow I would like to think even the most mindful people like the Dalai Lama or Buddha probably.
VL: Yeah that's a great point to make, and I think a lot of what you're saying to has, has a lot to do with habit triggers, which we talk about on the show as well which basically are the cues or the, the if this happens then then so if we're doing the dishes, then we become more mindful if we're brushing our teeth and we become more mindful, and it really does as someone who has practiced mindfulness myself, it really does become more automatic or that habitual routine, and you're, you find yourself sometimes so like, you've probably experienced this before when you're driving to work, is driven to work so many times countless times, that you'll be in the middle of your drive and be like, Oh my God, how did I get here, because you're so not present in the moment, whereas the opposite can also happen when you do become more mindful and you do create a more mindful routine is that you find yourself really in the present moment really enjoying something really just being there with kind of nothingness. I remember going when Craig and I first started dating.
We went on a walk in nature, and at the time, I was really working on mindfulness I was practicing yoga every day I was meditating, I was like kind of dating myself really. And then I started dating Craig, we went into the forest and he was talking to you talking and I said, just listen, just listen to the - it's first second date, whatever it was, we're a little bit nervous with each other so you want to kind of, there's no, there's no space for that awkward silence when you're talking bass I just listened to the wind through the trees. Do you hear that, and it was like an eye opening experience for him because he hadn't taken the time to notice that. And so now when we go for hikes or walks or whatever, he'll stop me now so you'd listen, listen to the trees, and you could hear the wind blowing through the leaves and it's like that one moment of being able to say, okay, I can hear this nature sound or I can see, you know this tree in front of me and when you're really taking a look at what you're seeing I mean maybe it's not in nature but something else and really, you know, just being there and not thinking about the past or thinking about the future, it's pretty it's pretty incredible and then you'll do it more and more that it carries you throughout your day and yeah it's a really cool. It's a really cool feeling but it's definitely not the easiest to go from high energy, high anxiety and then flip the switch to mindfulness, so we have our kind of guided mindfulness practice, we've got our habit triggers of one we can get into mindfulness, are there any other I know you've talked about breath and movement, are there any other things, or ways we can incorporate this into our life.
SS: so I think that you mentioned one which is kind of neat a little light bulb go off in my head which is nature here so nature deprive yourself so you know in North American society I think in general. I know that in here as authors write actual prescriptions for report is a prescription for their patients to go into the forest, spend time with nature, and I actually think that that's one of the ways if I really think back, it was either my movement practices or nature that first drew me to mindfulness is a very good way. Even if you do a five minute walk outside in your neighborhood and it's a silent block you're not listening to music you're not listening to podcasts, you're not chatting with somebody, the very good way to practice mindful, being in nature and outdoors. I also feel that we need to practice it back in, all of us the ability to be mindful, we were all those little tiny kids babies that are just naturally mindful and we lost it for the hustle and bustle of life. So, just like any or practice makes perfect, we don't do a breathing practice once or a guided meditation once and I was struck with the whole time. I kept in meditation, this isn't for me. Just like we wouldn't go to the gym and lift weights and expect to look like. Whoever Arnold Schwarzenegger. The next day, we you know we practice and cultivate a practice in our lives. That's important, I think we're true trying different things. Maybe for you it's not movement. Maybe for you it's not nature, maybe it's breath. Maybe it is the daily tasks that you're doing anyway. I'd like to talk about something that you do every day that I know you do because I've seen it on some of your Instagram posts and things but it's a great example of something that takes like, probably 10 seconds or or more, I don't know, probably not very long, and is a perfect mindful practice what you do with your coffee every morning, or your tea, whatever it is that you're drinking I'll let you explain it but that's a prime example of a daily mindful habit that takes a little time.
VL: Yes, you're right, I completely forgot about it. So every morning when I'm making my, it's usually coffee but sometimes the green juice or a tea.
I start in my intention for the day. And it's become a bit of a ritual and I can't remember when I started doing this, it wasn't too long ago I want to say December or January anyway, it was a few months ago, I would say, but it's made a huge difference in my life.
And when I don't do it because sometimes I don't make the coffee right away, or I will, Like, I'll make a green juice sometimes I usually shake that and I don't stir it so it's not as like a slow process, I kind of like shake it quickly and drink it. So when I if I don't do it, I noticed the difference as well. But essentially what I do is I pour the coffee like Nespresso so I dropped the espresso shot and I stir in like a couple little extra things like cinnamon and collagen powder. So as I'm doing that actually stir the coffee counter clockwise, and I do this because I want to let go of, you know whether it was like a bad sleep I had or like a crappy week, anything from yesterday, anything from this morning that threw me off already got over the wrong side of the bed, whatever. So I started that a couple times, until everything's blended in. And then I add my old milk because I like old milk lattes. And once the old milk is in I stir it clockwise, three times and as I stir in Word so clockwise to me is like, when I think about how I want to feel that day, and it's usually just a word, today I wanted to feel centered and steady, so like it was, I have a really busy day I'm on the move today. And I just wanted to make sure that like I really was present because I have a lot of driving and I know that sometimes when I'm scattered in my brain, I'm driving like bad things can happen right so I just wanted that to be my intention for today specifically. And then after I stir that in three times, I make a Pentagon or a star shape in the coffee to kind of feel it, that's my little ritual.
And I always like the spoon. I know that sounds silly, but I always like the spoon and then as I'm drinking the coffee is when I'm reminded of like okay I'm drinking that intention now it's going into my body. This in the coffee you can say like, oh yeah coffee feels feels you the caffeine whatever but it's really the intention that I'm kind of drinking in.
And you're right, it has totally become a mindful practice I think about it all day, and I, if I don't feel that steady or centered. I take a breath, I take a moment to reconnect to the intention that I've set. So, that's, that's the goal. That's the goal should be all of it.
[29:49] SS: You just made that sound so fantastic and like juicy that I think I’m going to start to.
But that is a beautiful example of something that takes less than a minute, but can be a mindful, start to your day and imagine, even if you know for anyone who's listening out there if you just start with.
Pick something that takes 30 seconds to a minute for the beginning of your day, such as Valerie just described, and something that takes 30 seconds to a minute at the end of your day, perhaps, you know, closing the bathroom door, and breathing while you brush your teeth, even just those tiny little changes will calm you round you and physiologically change your brain.
VL: I love that I love that it's, You know it sounds a little woowoo like I'm stirring a word into my coffee. I'm thinking of the word I'm going to bed with the intention of having a good sleep or whatever it is, but you're right there really is a lot more research, a lot more scientific evidence proving the positive effects of something that is so simple. And the way that I like to look at it is that, you know, it's not that hard to do. It's not it doesn't cost any extra money to try this. It doesn't have any negative side effects, why wouldn't you try it. Why wouldn't you like prove at this point prove us wrong, you know what I mean prove me wrong and tell me it doesn't work.
SS: Very good point. Very good point. One of the sayings, I like to use is that your biography is your biology. So, by introducing these little practices into your life story, your biography, you're only improving your health improving your, you know, aging potential to the ability to age well to keep the brain active as you age, all, all of that stuff I don't know if you're familiar with the term neuroplasticity.
VL: Yes, I’ve heard of this before.
SS: So neural plasticity is the idea, and not to age myself but I did my psychology degree. Whoa. A long time ago, probably about 45 years ago now. So, the idea of neural plasticity, really wasn't there when I did my psychology degree this is that knew of science, the idea that the brain constantly changes and grows. It's not like you reach a certain age, which we'll reach we really used to think of a psychology world you reach a certain age and for a while, you can't learn a new language now you can't do this now know that brain is constantly changing and developing at a rate that low scientists mine. And this is why you can rehab people who kind of stroke, this why things like that, so.
Yeah, it's very new science to prove that right into late late adulthood right into senior years, The brain has the ability to form new connections, new fire new neurons, and, and learn new things. So even if you're, you know, 70 years old, listening to this, you can start a mindful practice and affect affect change for your remaining years.
VL: That's excellent. That's an excellent reminder for a lot of people because my grandma is 85 This year I think it's 86 Anyway, she's an old bird. And she always says I'm too old to learn that I'm too old to do that I'm too old and I keep saying no you're not, and she loves reading, but for whatever reason she wasn't able to get like books all the time, like hard hardcopy books. So, or she, I don't know, she has like a book club with her niece. Anyway, that's beside the point. She wasn't able to get all the books that we thought she's going to she's reading so many books so quickly, let's just get her Kindle, where she can just store all these books she's have to pass the books back and forth with her niece who lives like too far away. So let's get her Kindle so when we first got it for her. She's like, Oh my God, no, I can't learn this, this is a, I don't know how to use this machine is she doesn't even have a cell phone or anything right. So we showed her how to use it and we explained that, you know you can have 100 books on this one little tablet, and it's so light and you can travel with it and all these things. And, yeah, she uses it now, and you can't tell me that, You know she, I mean, she definitely had to. She definitely had to learn a couple of years skill they need someone who's never used a tablet or cell phone, you know, things like that smartphone anything like that. So, but she knows how to use it now and she loves it. She's always like, I mean we put the stories on for her, but she can flip the pages and pick the book and, yeah.
[34:36] SS: And what is that hesitation when it's whether it's an 85 year old or a 25 year old that's hesitation on Oh, I can't do that, let's label that what is that, that to me is it's fear. Right. And fear is within all of our brains, we may not only live in fear but it's fear and anxiety. And I think as somebody who suffered from I suffered from terrible anxiety as a person, mindfulness, helped me more than any other method treatment, whatever you want to call that, because it eradicated the fear part for me. And here's how many if there's anybody listening who's had cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety, which is one of the most common sort of treatments for people who are an anxious or depressed.
And this is not to at all negate that practice or say it has no worth absolutely not different things work for different people. But for me personally what I struggled with was with that was that it's asking you to change yourself.
So it's asking you to say, instead of saying, I'm scared of learning something new. I'm not scared of something new but that felt inauthentic to me because I was still scared.
So or still fearful or anxious or whatever, however you want to label it. The reason why mindfulness is so helpful, is because it. I'm scared of learning something new, but that's okay.
It's okay to feel that way. And it doesn't mean that I can't learn. It doesn't mean that I can't sit with this uncomfortableness and push through and push practice. And that is one of, to me the key reasons why I see mindfulness working for myself and for many of the people that I work with, it's that expression of the feeling, or the thought that isn't functional or the most positive. It's not about always ponies and rainbows and unicorns, I like to say it's about even acknowledging the icky thoughts that we all are being honest.
VL: That is an amazing point 1,000% agree it's, you know, it's being able to say like, it's okay that I'm afraid, and it's okay to take the risk and it's okay to try something new to do something new, and I mean this is a whole other topic in itself in itself about getting out of your comfort zone and, you know, embracing the fear and doing it anyway and whatever it is, is that similar to mindfulness and to weight training, you're building, you're building your muscles you're building your mindfulness muscle you're building your courage muscle you're building your actual physical muscles, because all of these things take practice and as I mentioned before, the more you do it the better you get at it.
So it really starts with deciding or trying and choosing where do you want to start, what's the best place for you is it the tooth brushing is it the storing it into your coffee is it the movement practice.
Yeah, I think you've given a ton of amazing examples today and I know that you teach a lot of this because we could probably talk about this for a whole series of episodes about mindfulness, I mean, I feel like we could talk about each of the pillars in one episode, for sure.
But you teach a lot of this in a few of your offerings so could you share a little bit more about your retreats your programs?
[38:17] SS: Sure, I can run you when Wellness Week them or retreat for, I don't even know probably about five years now, and typically three to for a year like one every season, pretty much, obviously that's been interrupted a little bit by the current situation, but we've got, we've got some coming up. And the purpose of these gatherings, is to bring women together because I believe when women come together it's a powerful thing. I believe we learn from each other we feed off of each other's energy.
It's powerful, it goes back to ancient times, women gathering and circle. And there's a blend of everything, it's a very holistic weekend so there's always yoga and Pilates classes offered. There's always outdoor components, such as hiking, or snowshoeing, there's always healthy food for the weekend, often vegan or vegetarian, I'm not vegan or vegetarian but I do like to eat that way. Sometimes, and I can activate experiments with people to do for the weekend, and all of my retreats differently. We put different presenters at different retreat with everything from card readers, and the retreat I have to 2021, fingers crossed, is really the theme of that retreat is what we were just talking about going outside your comfort zone.
Something that I recently did that was completely out of my comfort zone was. Try the Wim Hof Method. I will admit that I was drawn in by the goop lab episode on Netflix and curious and started with my partner looking up this would be cool to do and sure enough, there were retreats locally that we could go to workshops rather locally that we go to to try this Wim Hof Method. So, the Wim Hof Method has itself, three sort of pillars or ideas behind it, which are one of them is mindful. One of them is to be in the right mindset and to be very mindful in the present moment, and the other two are breathwork and cold exposure. So the part that was out of my comfort zone was the cold exposure fun worshiping Mediterranean girl over here. Who would like to live barefoot in a bikini her whole life.
The idea of cold exposure which in the context of this workshop with getting into an ice bath for two minutes and 30 seconds was terrifying. And even as the day of the workshop approached, I was thinking for all these reasons why I could maybe cancel or not show up. However I did show up, I did go into the ice bath for two minutes and 30 seconds.
The idea of cold exposure which in the context of this workshop we're getting into an ice bath for two minutes and 30 seconds was terrifying. And even on the day of the workshop, approach, I was thinking for all these reasons why I could maybe cancel or not show up. However I did show up, I did go into the ice bath for two minutes and 30 seconds.
The idea of cold exposure which in the context of this workshop we're getting into an ice bath for two minutes and 30 seconds was terrifying. And even on the day of the workshop, approach, I was thinking for all these reasons why I could maybe cancel or not show up. However I did show up, I did go into the ice bath for two minutes and 30 seconds.
VL: WOW! I mean I've tried types of cold therapy before, but by that I mean that crazy walk we did in the freezing cold winter. And then I remember like when we were kids we used to go to our friend's hot tub in the winter and then it was like, Okay, I dare you to go jump out in the snow roll around and come back.
Those kinds of things, but I don't think I would have ever. Well maybe you can convince me to go into an ice bath for two and a half minutes like part of me is very curious and then the other part of me is screaming right away.
SS: Right and I think once you experience the lead up to it, and the mindset work in the policy breathwork that you're taught, there's almost no doubt in your mind that you're getting in that tub and I asked, Ashley, the facilitator. People must like to get 10 people signed up for a workshop, how many actually get in yet, but never had anyone in the years of doing this, don't get in and I can see that now that I've done it because you're just so pumped up to do it and I guess there's a little bit of the tribe mentality going on there too, that you just do, and it is that ultimate I think going out of your way out of your comfort zone.
Right and I think once you experience the lead up to it, and the mindset work in the policy breathwork that you're taught, there's almost no doubt in your mind that you're getting in that tub and I asked, Ashley, the facilitator. People must like to get 10 people signed up for a workshop, how many actually get in yet, but never had anyone in the years of doing this, don't get in and I can see that now that I've done it because you're just so pumped up to do it and I guess there's a little bit of the tribe mentality going on there too, that you just do, and it is that ultimate I think going out of your way out of your comfort zone.
[43:53] VL: That's so incredible, I would definitely want to try it, because I'm thinking of how I would react in that group mentality and I'm like no I can't be the only one who doesn’t do it.
First, I like, I have to go first I have to go first. I can't watch other people do this. And then, you know, you'll be getting more and more nervous, but just if I'm doing it I'm going for.
VL: So amazing. Well, Sarah. This has been so much fun, like I said, I feel like we could do a whole series on this, and I'm sure that you'll be back on the show again soon, but let us know where we can find you today where we can follow you and how we can support your business.
SS: in addition to the junior retreats, I'm currently offering one on one mindfulness sessions, and also in summer 2021 I will be offering a teen mindfulness program, and information about any of those things can be found on my Instagram, or my websites.
WEBSITE | www.sarahsturino.com
INSTAGRAM | @sssturino
RAPID FIRE
- What are you currently reading? OR What’s your favourite book?
Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza
Future Witches
- What do you love most about being a woman?
I think if I think back, my son is 17 Almost. What I love most about being a woman was that feeling of growing a human and being so there is never a time when I was more in touch with energy and with how much we are animals right it's such an animal experience to give birth to grow human to have milk. So just that our bodies do that is incredible and miraculous and beautiful and then the fact that we didn't stretch marks laughter and hate is, we need to change the culture needs lippett Like are you proud of those stretch marks grew that 6ft3’ boy!
- What does “empowerment” mean to you?
I think I would say empowerment means finding your voice, and using it. But I would also say, it means to thrive, not just survive I think that there were some years where I was just surviving and not thriving. And my wish for everyone is that they have very few of those. And more of the Thrive.
- What are you currently working toward?
Many things probably too many things I feel like I confuse the universe by manifesting too many things at once. So, I will share that I am working towards having my own but that's one of the things that I'm currently manifesting and not just manifesting, but the actively working on
VL: Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast today it was an absolute pleasure to talk to you I mean I love chatting with you but it was great that we could finally record this episode, I think what you're doing in the world and for women and for teens is so incredibly important. I feel like every season every year you come to me with like this new idea and this new project and this new program and I just think oh my god, she can do anything and everything you're like a super woman. So I'm so happy to know you as a friend. I'm so happy to have you as a guest on the show so excited to share your voice, your story or your resources, your expertise with the audience today, and hopefully again soon. Thank you.
SS: Thank you, Valerie, thank you for giving me space for my voice, and for LASIK women you do that on your podcast is truly needed and truly a pleasure to listen to. Thank you so much for having me as a guest.
www.valerielavignelife.com/130 for full show notes + links
[00:52] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. So typically every 10 episodes, I do a q&a, and I have decided to switch things up a little bit which I'm very nervous about but also very excited because I have an extra special guest on today's show, and he is my partner, Craig and as I'm saying he I'm just realizing that you're the first male guest I've had on the show which is also very exciting so welcome.
Craig: Thank you. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.
VL: Craig was very excited to be on the show today but also a little nervous because we have a pretty much a list of listener questions for Craig. If you follow me on Instagram at about living life, you will have known or you will have seen that Craig and I have been doing some little renovations on the home, which have been fun to follow along with and just a little fun part of our relationship, and what's going on right now. So, now, I usually read a bio for the guest and Greg and I were chatting previously to recording and I said oh I don't really have a bio for you and you know you're not a entrepreneur so things are very different episode for us today. So what I thought would be great if I read your Tinder bio, which is how Craig and I met, and on his Tinder bio and correct me if I'm wrong but this is how I remember it. It said Craig, I don't think it's at your age, but at the time you were 36, and it said, looking for someone to steal my sweaters. Eat my fries, and drink my coffee, even though you said you didn't want any.
Okay can you remember my Tinder bio, off the top of my head.
C: Off the top of my head. I remember the pictures very clearly. Yeah there was beautiful pictures and I can remember. I can remember that you were a health coach, and that you were. You were in touch with, I was spiritually woke spiritually.
V: Yeah, we're gonna talk about being spiritually woke a little bit on the podcast.
Yeah, I remember something like that, something about pizza was thrown in there too, that yeah that was a good time my first ever Tinder experience and ever Tinder date and look where we are now almost, we'll definitely over a year and a half later.
As you know, my business really does revolve around health but more specifically healthy habits. So we're gonna talk a little bit today about healthy habits, and I figured we just dive in, because that's kind of how I like to do things. And the other thing I wanted to share with you about the podcast is that and I know you've listened to a couple episodes but I'm really try to leave the guests with some motivation to take action. So as we are talking if you have any like tidbits of advice, or actionable steps you can take, feel free to share that on the show.
Okay, so let's start with the healthy habits.
So Ania asked, Are there any healthy habits that Craig wants to achieve or get better at what are you currently working on in terms of your healthy habits?
[4:33] C: Well thank you for the question on habits that I really want to improve on that I lack out a lot on my diet. So we've got better at eating more consistently and vows introduced some, you know, a couple recipe books that are great, but they're still not the best.
So, really got to tidy that up one of the bad parts is too much sugar.
So, working out that that's active and not sleeping.
I guess regularly. So that's probably my biggest challenge at the moment is getting a good night's sleep every night. Just between work and life and everything, it's just seems to be, I guess that's not really an excuse.
It's toying with me a little bit so I have to figure out a way to get in control of it. So yeah those are probably the two main things I need to I need to figure out.
VL: So, and then her next question I guess is a bit of a follow up, but are there any bad habits that you want to change so I it's kind of a similar question.
C: Yeah, so the sleep and then I guess just lazy snacking. That's probably the biggest downfall with sugar is that you know the snacking. We've gotten this terrible habit of having dessert before I have having this dessert before bed, and I guess the one was sleep.
The biggest challenge there is not putting down my phone. I need to put down my phone. Turn off the screen, close my eyes,
VL: Eliminating sugar would also probably help you sleep better too.
C: Yeah.
VL: Okay, so let's talk about some of your good habits, what are some of your good habits, and that you do every day and I can list a few but I want it to come from you.
C: I train every day, I don't know if that's necessarily a good habit. I like I enjoy the habit but I, I enjoy trading. I do feel I should take a break every now and then and listen to my body which I, I certainly don't do.
And my other habits don't necessarily turn towards health, it's more structured in a routine and I like to get things done and I don't like to leave things open ended.
If I, if I have something in my mind. I want to get on top of it like I consider that a good habit to not leave things open or unfinished.
VL: Yeah, so you work out every day, which, you know, and then some days you say you don't have a great workout. It's more of like a rest day, but you are definitely someone who takes action, whereas we laugh about that. I like to start things and Craig likes to finish things necessarily start something, but I feel like once we get something started. You're the one who's saying we need to finish this, or I'm like yeah we'll do later.
Or we'll start something else. In the meantime, and then you're done, like you said you like to, you like to take action and I think this is something that I've learned a lot from you because I tend to hesitate sometimes like oh let me think about a little bit more like let me plan this out. Where that can be helpful but it can also be a little bit of a detriment if I'm just, you know, waiting to feel ready or you're like just jump in with both feet.
C: I think when I was younger, I hesitated a bit more and I was a little bit more concerned about the risks and the outcome. And I eventually realized, you know, as time ticks along, and you've passed your 30s and it feels like the clock is getting quicker and quicker, that you start to realize that the time is not waiting for you.
So, I guess that's the reason why I've driven. Now, more.
[9:00] VL: Candace wants to know, how have your habits changed since meeting me so like what are some things that you maybe added?
C: Thank you. Thanks, Candace for that question. Since Val and I've met. There is a lot of things that have changed. Habitually and for the better.
We, I guess, the one that pops up the most into my head is recycling and take, you know, I used to just throw, throw away everything into the trash and, and I never used to really recycle so foul, foul was very very persistent with that so I, I started to recycle and I'm still not perfect, but I'm definitely 91 miles, miles ahead of where I was. So that was a that was a huge one. One of them that happens.
I had, I had a TV in the bedroom, and fell. Passive aggressively comment though. Oh, you shouldn't do this but I was like okay, she's like no no it's your decision but, you know, so eventually I ended up getting rid of that and that definitely helped my sleep a lot because I, I used to sleep with the TV on and then wake up in the middle of the night with it still running and really have a broken sleep so that was a huge one.
I used to eat a lot of takeout. And that's, that's non existent so that's benefited me in two ways that not only am I saving a lot more money but I'm also I'm also looking after myself with my health, and mentally. I used to always believe I was old and it's almost like I was convincing myself that I was old and Val Val came in with this notion that like, Hey, you're only as old as you, you sort of believe you are.
So, if you believe you're young, you're going to convince yourself you're young and you will be young. So, this has been a huge modification for me to come back to being young and recognizing that it's a lot more journey to come down the road and we have a lot of time together.
[11:34] VL: And so that you're not even older than I am, but you're not full that I have to give, and you're very playful like this is something that I really love about you is that you are really wonderful. I used the wrong word, and once I called him immature but I met. It didn't go very well.
But this is something that like, I really like for me because I sometimes can get really caught up into more serious and structured mentality like playful side which I think is so important, and even today you're tied to these fun things, a game all the stuff so we're ready to pull your heart and you're young.
I think money wise to like you're better at saving money now.
C: Yeah.
VL: I think the pandemic also helps with Thanksgiving close.
C: Yeah, but it was like I used to I used to be very impulsive. I still am from time to time but you said Help me right now. And it's that's for the better.
[13:02] VL: So one of the other questions that Candice asked was if someone told you five years ago that you'd be getting an astrology reading, and your aura read and playing with oils, diffusing oils. What would you have said to them?
C: You're off to lunch. Yeah. Never in a million years, I would I would never have thought it, I would have probably had a good giggle and moved on.
So, this is, this has been one one journey, like the spiritual journey, I guess, although I'm not. I'm perhaps not 100% There are definitely, it's definitely been an eye opener, and I've definitely learned a lot about myself, about how to behave, my personality, how to interact with other people, and Val. You you you introduce me to a few different people like Glynis the Astrologer.
VL: A nutritionist…
C: And that's, that's been a huge change as well. Glynis, the astrologist was huge.
VL: It's one of those things where if you don't believe it and if you can't just read your horoscope in the paper, you need to read your birth chart and someone needs to do that for you because it's like a whole other language.
C: you know, when I, when I went to see Glynis I went in with a very open mind, you know, just, I think at that time we were having a tough time. And it was a search for a good direction. And I was a bit lost.
VL: And then how many people did you tell to go see her?
C: So many because it put a lot of things to rest in my mind I think we have a lot of secrets that a lot of insecurities that are raised in dark places that you don't want to embarrass anybody and I think it takes even a lot to sometimes let your partner in because you're not certain if they're going to use it against you or you might be super super ashamed of these things and, and sitting, listening to what she had to say, might feel normal. My darkness fuel Okay, a lot more accepting of myself.
It put some perspective into some journeys that perhaps I hadn't closed the door or had time to fix properly.
VL: Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, that was very early on in our relationship too so for you to go and have that meeting with her was, it was a surprise to me that you actually did that.
At the time, but if someone asked you now like, Hey Craig, what do you think of the willie stuff like your horoscope and or as in meditation and crystals of essential oils, what would you say to somebody?
[16:25] C: You know, I came from a very sort of conservative upbringing. So, to get through something that you've grown up with is kind of a challenge, not necessarily a challenge but it takes some convincing if you will. So there's obviously like with in regards to oils, there's some oils that you can show me the benefit of them straightaway like the lemon oil. When we're painting and I spilt this lemon gospel to paint on the ground, and you gave me that oil and I couldn't believe it, including the microwave, like things that was so challenging, there's, there's, you know, I saw a huge benefit but it was kind of like, there was that instant gratification so you, you respond like I responded really well to it.
But the other oils that you know that the calming blend. Like sometimes I have a bit of a giggle because like I think it's whimsical almost, but it's just it's just because it's very difficult to believe, but I'm getting. I feel I'm getting better.
VL: Yeah, when we first started dating you kept calling me as soon as there.
C: Yeah, yes it's right
VL: And what else, the tummy oil?
C: I guess because I'm lactose intolerant since I've been in Canada, like I respond very well to lactose and so it's been a very challenging journey for me with that because, you know growing up I grew up on a farm and Zimbabwean, there was an abundance of milk because we had cows and it was unpasteurized and, you know, we'd milk the cows and had the milk straight from there and so to get it all processed and stuff I think is playing havoc on me but, certainly.
VL: Hey, well when I met you you had a deep blue rug. Essential Oil muscle rub,
C: yeah wow okay well that's that's another one that's, that's fantastic as well, Like, I used to use a 535, you know, and more chemical kind of products and then yeah picked up that that deep blue and that that works a real treat, and even little things like the diffuse smell.
It's, it's a very nice response but that was a really bad habit I had, I had those.
VL: Oh my god yeah fresh air fresheners everywhere.
C: Yeah, so we changed the diffusers and that was a huge change which was for the better. Oh man, I threw all my chemicals as well, all the cleaning products.
VL: I basically came in it was like so…. Yeah we’re throwing out everything…
C: We pretty much. Wow, okay. There's a lot. Yeah, do laundry detergent, as well, soaps, soaps.
VL: Do you like how does it feel, do you notice a change?
C: I've noticed, I've noticed like, you know, just, I guess the changes have been so subtle, we've done some, like, it's already that like, also the painting of the house, and the brightening of the house and your style and your fashion you know the way that you've brought that in like, there's been a lot of things I think mentally I feel more grounded, obviously work is like a bit stressful so it keeps me on my toes, but I feel it's a good place to come on we have.
VL: Yeah, I was gonna say that I feel like we've created a nice little nest where it feels a little bit more like a home together. It's been a year that we've lived together.
[20:48] VL: this is actually one of the questions from Faith, who wants to know if we can talk about our, and then they quoted us like, I'm gonna change the words like pandemic relationship so basically, Craig and I met in 2019. And this summer, And then it got a little more serious in the fall. We joked about cuffing season, and where I kept Craig, in September, and then we both went on our own little trips in February or January and then when we, when we came back we were basically in this global pandemic. And, you know, the two weeks to flatten the curve was like, Oh well, I'll just stay at your house for two weeks. It actually wasn't two weeks and then all of a sudden, like I was living here and all my stuff was here and I was decorating and yeah.
So, basically, Craig, Faith’s question is to talk a little bit about this dynamic and how we've stayed sane and kept our relationship healthy over the past year or so.
C: Thank you for your question. Look, do I feel that it's been easy all the time. No, we've we've certainly had challenges, you know, and I definitely, definitely, definitely would admit that it's not always roses, but I do appreciate and love you very much. I guess this made it a bit easier in the beginning because I was perhaps a bit less selfless. I wanted to do stuff for you more, you know, I kind of set my own aside for us. And I've been very fortunate where my workers as kept going.
VL: Okay, I'll jump in here just for some context. So at the beginning of the pandemic. My job changed immediately and drastically so I lost my main source of income and I was kind of just working off of some of the passive income I was building on the side which I wasn't actively pursuing so it was a very small fraction of what I was taking home every month, whereas Craig's job was deemed essential so there wasn't a lot that changed for you other than maybe some flexibility with where you had to be so there was a little bit more working from home on Craig's and I was now completely throwing myself into my online business and as any entrepreneur would explain to you that you know the reward or the, the, the finances, they don't necessarily come overnight, it is a bit more of like, okay, we need to build this growth but I was, I was building an entirely new foundation so essentially I was building a new business and Craig was incredibly supportive of me emotionally, mentally, I mean you let me stay here at your at your house, and we kind of came up with an arrangement that made the best sense for us at the time and it's evolved a little bit but yeah so I kind of took to this like domestic role of cooking, not so much cleaning but I was cooking meals.
And I was like making our little nest for us while you were bringing home the bacon so they say.
And it like it'll happen very quickly and it was like, Oh, we don't really know how long this is going to last long and I mean, yeah, I would agree that not everything has been super easy, but I feel like we've learned so much about each other, and about ourselves, and this is actually the first time I've ever lived with a partner too so I think that was one of my, my hesitant or that's where my where my hesitancy came from was like, oh this is new and this is scary and I'm not making any money and or I'm not making as much money as before and, yeah, it's a bit of a vulnerable time for me.
C: Yeah, cuz I think I made a promotion. Last year, during that. So things are doing really really well can remember. I can remember feeling quite terrible though because my, my work although consistent is is not, you know, some days can be stressful, but it's not terrible. And I can remember you work in your past. We can get by. And I, I, deep down inside, I hope that, why not I hope I know that your time is coming, because I've seen how hard you work and I've seen how far you throw yourself into things and I sometimes feel it's not fair. You know some of your journey this, this last few years of this pandemic, I don't feel it's fair. But I don't know quite how else to support you, other than to be there for you and to support you the best I can.
Sometimes I feel I dropped the ball at it, but, you know, other times, do my best.
VL: Craig is really, you are really supportive of me and in a lot of ways, and honestly, most of the time. So, again more context, because the studio the Pilates studio is closed right now I've been spending more time at home. So sometimes I just, it's just nice for when you come home for us to be around each other and have, like, for me, quality time is really important right now because I spend so much time alone. That being around you, and like, no phones and no emails and no TV and just having like a genuine conversation is really important to me.
And then, you know that I have like a walking habit but if I can add an additional walk with you and get some fresh air. Like, I feel like this is, it sounds like somebody's so small, but it's so important to me that time with you.
C: But I remember as you weren't getting out to us sitting and saying hey you need to get out. Come on, totally. Yeah, and that's what I think the walking habit stemmed from.
VL: Yeah a lot of it, I felt like the lazy, a lazy bum and you were like you need fresh air, you need to get outside. The best is when you came up did you leave the house today. No new, did you get up today. Does making another cup of coffee.
What about each other. Yeah and you know what this is probably like one of my most serious relationships, like I said I've never lived with a partner before and so I felt a lot of times, like, is this what it's like to live with somebody like my friends kept saying no.
What about each other. Yeah and you know what this is probably like one of my most serious relationships, like I said I've never lived with a partner before and so I felt a lot of times, like, is this what it's like to live with somebody like my friends kept saying no.
You know I've looked like my friends have lived with their partners for years. And since the pandemic, a lot has changed you're spending way more time with your significant other, you know, you're not getting the outlet of socializing with your friends or Craig likes to go skydiving like we weren't doing those things but because this is like the pretty much. Probably two thirds of our relationship I've been through the pandemic. Yeah, so it's very, it's, it's gonna be different regardless.
C: Honestly, I feel sometimes it's, it's definitely a case of make or break. And I think, I think, in this time we went away. Together we've done a few good things and we've got a few coming up so yeah we have the fabulous little like weekend road trip kind of things that have been fun, or adventurous to come. Yeah.
[29:08] VL: Okay so we have a few personal questions. Nothing crazy. So, Lisa wants to know the, your favorite thing about yourself.
C: Thank you for the question, Lisa, the favorite. My favorite thing about myself. I can't give the credit all to myself for this. But I guess the favorite thing I would think about myself is my ability to bounce back. There's, like, I, I grew up in Zimbabwe and we kind of lost our homes and byways and moved to Australia and started from zero. And then I moved to Canada and kind of started from zero and come a long way.
If you asked me 20 years ago. Do you ever, you know, would you feel that you would have moved this far or I still would have been on a farm in Zimbabwe. So, it's been, it's been a very long and tough journey and there's a lot of good people to thank, you know that have been with me.
And then in many different ways and some, some of them it's just, you know, a very small, you know, somebody just touched my life and the most smallest way but it's done me a huge benefit but I think that's probably the, I don't know if it's even.
VL: That's a great answer, I would agree with that. And then Lisa also asked, What do you want to work on with Val?
C: I would like to ultimately build our own little Empire, and have a little family and have a little house and go on vacation vacations and maybe start living a little bit, a little bit more than we have been I think we've you know you've been tied up during this this Corona thing and I would, I would appreciate to be able to stretch our legs as a couple, a little bit more out, I'd like for us to become a lot more successful. And, you know, I'd like to be there. I think I have been there like what year but has come to you, having a bit of hesitation with moving forward with your business and stuff and sometimes I'm just like, go home, don't jump on it, don't be shy like move, move, move, so I'd like to work on that as well. So be successful and be happy. And maybe content.
Like, I think we once, when you want to ask me like, What do you say don't just to be comfortable, You're like, what does that mean, like, what's comfort mean to you and that, that still, it still resonates in my mind because I'm not wondering well what is comfortable, you know, what does it mean and what do we want and I think we've started to understand each other a bit better about, you know, if we bought a house, what would it look like and, you know, one of the things that we both kind of enjoy and I guess one of the things, if I'm going to be truly honest.
One of the things I'd really like to work on as well as feeling super comfortable in our relationship to the point that you know you go on your trips and I'll be calm in my heart.
I guess that's, I think we're getting to that point that relationship where we're a lot more confident with each other and yeah.
[33:16] VL: So, when people tell me they want to be comfortable as a goal I cringe because comfort is not a goal. And, you know, like I'm very fortunate for where I grew up and how I like this incredible people that I've attracted into my life and the and the situations I've been in like I'm very fortunate. And if someone asked me, Are you comfortable, I would say yes I am comfortable, and even with Craig like where you've come from and where you are now to tell me that you're not comfortable in your house and you have an amazing job and, like, you don't have to worry about putting food on the table, in my opinion, this is comfort so that's why I always encourage people to one figure out what comfort means to you because you probably already are comfortable and to, to raise the bar like, what do you actually want to feel because you want to buy a bigger house or we want to buy a bigger house together. But comfort in a bigger home is not what we're looking for. We're looking for a spacious mess we're looking for, you know, expansion because we want to build a family like we want to have a backyard we want to be. We don't want to have to move our freaking cars around every day.
You know we want to be able to have like space for our bicycles and our paddleboards and all the other things that we, we want to include so, so really that's where I'm coming from with that is, is why I don't agree when people say the comfort is the goal because most of the people who I'm speaking to who are saying that are well more than comfortable.
C: Yeah, right. Um, I think one of the other things that, that I've really enjoyed about our little journey is that, you know, when we, when we look back and we we see some of the experiences we've had, and some of the photos, we've taken, you know, we find these old memories and have a good chuckle. I, I think the last year and a bit have most likely been some of the best years of my life. Like I feel super, like I feel a lot more settled in myself.
And I think this has allowed us to have a really great journey and one of the things I'd like to keep working on with you is making more memories, good memories. You know that we look back and like you forget a lot of them and we you know you say to me, what are you grateful for it. And we become conscious and think back to the things that we've done and have a good giggle like we've, we've done a lot of good stuff. I look forward to do a lot more.
[36:30] VL: Thank you for sharing and I look forward to doing more with you too. We're pulling on Craig's heartstrings. A little teary.
Good questions. So we have another question from Yvonne and I'm going to change the question just a teeny bit. So I would say I would rephrase this question as if you're giving advice to another couple, whether they're a couple of a couple years, or several years. But the question that she's asking is, how do you encourage your partner to practice more healthy habits, without coming off too forceful so I would say like, what advice would you give to another couple?
C: Thanks everyone for that question. this one for me is super super challenging because I've been in some relationships where somebody is expected check to change something and you don't feel equal or hurt in the relationship. And no matter what approach that person takes.
You're not gonna budge, or if you do, it'll just be to appease them on a shallow level sort of thing.
I really feel that you need to work at. At hearing your, your person hadn't appreciated your person, and communicating with your person, to the point that you actually care about each other and you love each other, to become a lot more selfless and a lot more open and less defensive and all of that.
Want to win once you get to actually see how that person is, you'll figure out how to navigate that minefield, because honestly, at the end of the day like it really does feel like a minefield sometimes.
So, I think, step one is not to, not on the approach of the question is, step one is to actually know the person, and to understand the person.
Once you know and understand that, then you can start to ask or approach it the right way.
Does that make sense?
VL: Yeah, so, and I say this to Craig all the time he he'll ask me to do something.
I don't necessarily want to do, and they'll say to Craig You know what, if you asked it to me this way. I would do it, but if you're saying, and it's, It's because I like, because I know what's gonna motivate me to do that action. Whereas if it sounds like someone's telling you something, the way I am, as a personality, I will put it off, longer if you keep asking me to do something with Craig I found that, and again I think you're right, I think it is about, it's different depending on the specific depending on the person, but with you I found that if I explain to you why this habit wasn't important. You were more willing to change it. And I also didn't come at you like you. You did list a lot of things that have changed since knowing me, but they didn't all happen at the first meeting, right, so like, I noticed that his green van container where we throw our compost had was a storage container for bags, and for grocery bags, like the ones that you dispose up the plastic bags and I was like, whoa, Whoa whoa whoa So like right away we were using disposable grocery bags, and also there was no place to put our food waste. So, yeah, that's another one.
So, again, like here I am like the alarms are going off all the red flags, he doesn't recycle. I'm just kidding, that's a huge red flag that's changeable.
So I was like okay so I bought the green bin bags and I said, actually this bin is for this, and this is why this is important. Garbage people take this every week, and then we swapped to the produce bags, and the reusable grocery bags, and the grocery store, we go to, they use paper bags anyway they don't even use plastic anymore so that's helpful.
Craig has come a LONG way!
C: What's the other thing sustainability.
VL: But yeah, a lot of those things.
C: I think it's definitely, because there's been there's been things like Val hates cleaning. She cannot, and now I love cleaning.
VL: You know, wait wait wait, you love the house being clean, you don't love it. I like the result.
C: But we compromise. Like, there's a lot of compromise and there's a lot of give and take and that's why I think it's really important to understand the other person, and to know the limits and then it's gonna need to know the limits but then it's is to know within yourself, whether your ex, you're willing to accept that this is the way it's going to be, you know that some things you may not change so you have to compromise and you have to not grow to resent them you need to just let it go and breathe and move on to another thing that's much more worth the battle.
[41:55] VL: Well, it's been such a pleasure to have you on the podcast I still have a couple more questions for you but I did want to say thank you so much because I know you were a little bit nervous but also, I kind of, you're very polite and professional on the show I thought you'd be… Maybe next time you'll be a little more your charismatic self.
C: I know what it means to you.
VL: Thank you. Before we get into the rapid fire round
RAPID FIRE ROUND
- What are you currently reading? Or what is your favourite book?
C: I'm gonna have to get it out. It's about leadership as sad as a guy who was in the ASA, and his leadership techniques.
- What does empowerment mean to you?
C: There is nothing that you can put your mind to like if you put your mind to it, you can achieve it differently. If you want something just go get it. It's yours. Everything's attainable goals and only walls you put up your own walls. So empowering myself as pulling down my own walls, I guess.
- What are you currently working toward?
C: There are three things that I've tried to focus on now. And I've kind of class them in buckets. One of them is being a lot more successful at work. But, in being successful being settled as well, perhaps taking work seriously but trying to cut down the stress. That's one success at work, reducing stress.
The other thing is, building and working on on my family. By that I mean, being more in touch with my, my family, being more in touch with you, because I consider you my family, appreciating and being more in touch with your family. Also consider them my family now, and appreciating the small things like watching my brother's children grow up and being a little bit more part of it and trying to be more active and getting involved with them and, you know, making a family with you and growing our lives.
I love your family anyway so I think things go well there but it's a relationship that needs to be nurtured as well. And then my other pocket is being happy doing things that I love to do. For skydiving, as going camping and the things that we're looking forward to doing like a happiness bucket, work, family,
VL: Sounds like like core values which I've talked a lot about the podcast, share those episodes with you later.
Well thank you so much again I want to acknowledge you for one taking the time to, to do this with me because it meant a lot to me I was a little bit nervous but like I said, I was also super excited to have you on the show you were an incredible guest very polite and professional.
There's a different side to learning about today.
And I also want to acknowledge you for being a really incredible and supportive partner because I don't know what I would have done this year without you or how it would have gone, and you're always empowering me and you're always supporting me and encouraging me to take the big leaps that I am mortified to take, and I definitely would say that my, my success and my growth this year has been because of your support and encouragement, So thank you so much.
C: Thank you, you’re an amazing woman, I love you too.
VL: Aww
www.valerielavignelife.com/chantelle for the full show notes and links!
[1:14] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I get to introduce you to my good friend Sean towel. Chantel is a business mentor, web designer and creator of the aligned action framework, since 2018 She has helped entrepreneurs find depth direction, depth and direction in their biz, so they can get past where they get stuck or where they've settled, Shawn tells zone of genius is teaching service based solopreneurs, to put intention behind what they do in their business to move forward and grow bigger than they ever thought was possible. She's a three one manifesting generator, a Sagittarius sun, Leo moon and Libra rising, you'll typically find her working from her loft apartment in the middle of Canada, wearing her sparkly unicorn slippers. What a fun bio, I definitely want to start telling people, all about my astrology and my manifesting generator. Human Design profile, I love it thank you so much for being on the podcast today.
Chantelle Andercastle: Thank you Val, I’m so excited to talk to you.
VL: Me too. This is one of those things where we started to get to know each other, probably a year ago almost. And we've actually worked together, so many times over the last year.
And I kept secretly wanting you to be on the show and then I kept putting out like feelers to be like, Yes, I have a podcast.
And I just know that there was just going to be the right time, where the two of us would come together and I'm so glad it's now because we've, like I said, we've worked on so many projects together and I feel like you've just been through a lot, and I'm excited, I'm excited to have you here to share your knowledge to share your information. Today we're talking about habits for intentional entrepreneurs, tell us what is or who is the intentional entrepreneur?
CA: I see intentional entrepreneurs, as people who pause and think and make conscious decisions that are based on their alignment with themselves and their alignment with their brand values. So, instead of making you know decisions based on what everyone else is doing or what those, those big influences are doing or what the blogs tell you to do, or what the blogs tell you have to do. Intentional entrepreneurs do what's right for them. And what's right for their clients.
[3:53] VL: No pressure or anything!
CA: It’s not always. Like, we aim for that. And an even when you're making intentional decisions you know you might still make mistakes, and that's okay, but another element of the intentional entrepreneurs, is I guess like growing from those experiences, and taking those times when the decision didn't quite go right, and learning from that so that you can make an even better decision next time.
VL: This is so perfect. This is what the Women's Empowerment Podcast is all about. It's about the intention behind what we're doing. It's about learning from learning from the experiences that don't always go as planned, so I'm so excited that we're chatting about this. Now, the first thing that comes to mind when, when you introduce the intentional entrepreneur is, how do we get out of wanting to see what everyone else is doing and thinking that we need to show up in a certain way or thinking we need to do something differently, how do we how do we really connect with, with ourselves?
CA: Early on in my in my entrepreneurship journey I realized that I was I was consuming so much content without actually processing it, and without actually thinking about the relationship that I had with it, or even just deciding how I actually felt about it. I was just speeding through the content and kind of mindlessly consuming. And so something I did early on was, if I'm going to listen to an hour of that podcast, I'm going to spend two hours, then implementing it, or living it or reflecting on it, or meditating on it, and because I owe it to myself to actually do something with that knowledge that I've just gained, otherwise I'm just, you know stuffing more and more information in, And it's not actually getting me anywhere. So I think that's, that's been a big one for me. Another one is, is not following people who are not following like competitors in my niche that they can feel bad.
So it's not to say that I don't follow other business mentors or web designers but I don't follow the ones that don't align with me or that you know that trigger me and in whatever way I tend to limit my inputs. And that's been something that's been important too is deciding what am I going to take in and how am I going to take that in responsibly.
And just notice when that's coming up for me. So, when I, when I have that feeling of envy or I have that feeling of, well she's doing it better than I am, or she's further ahead than I am and I shouldn't be doing this to get the get there faster. That's my cue to pause and look inward and explore those feelings, you know, within myself and not, not just push them down and press play on the next episode.
[7:08] VL: Those are very great practices and I think what they have in common with each other is that they're very mindful, right, we're, we're paying attention to how we're feeling or paying attention to how other things make us feel, and it's so easy to binge content to binge podcast episodes to binge, you know, Instagram TV like HGTV, or whatever it is that we're, we're watching and I never really thought about. I never really thought about that, to listen to something and then take time intentionally take time to implement it or practice it or reflect on it.
This is something that I need to start.
CA: It's possible for me noticing that I was giving myself the check mark and the Goldstar without having done anything. I was, I was taking the fact that I had, you know, Read the chapter or search for the blog post or, you know, checked out the caption, as, as the like checked off my list. And then I was wondering, the problem with that was that I was wondering why am I not seeing any results, you know like, Oh, this is interesting. Why am I not getting any further ahead and my business, it's like you're not actually doing anything, you're just like being a sponge.
And so it's it's been helpful for me to, to encourage myself to take that further before I go in and get more information as a one three in the human design. I'm very much about knowledge seeking and I feel like I have to get like learn more before I do something. And so it's a way of honoring that that part of myself that I know I want to learn more, but I also wanted to integrate.
VL: That is so brilliant and it's so true because I've even talked about this on the show before, because we talk a lot about personal development, I used to be one of those people who I read all the books I was following all the Guru's about personal development and self help and self care and all these things. And it didn't matter how many books I read you started to see that the message was all the same. And the only reason why I wasn't getting anywhere it was because I wasn't actually implementing the message of the book so that's a huge wake up call, I think for a lot of people, and that's a great point to make, to say, Okay, why am I not getting anywhere. Okay, well what actions are you taking to work are you doing to get to where you need to be to get to your goal.
CA: Yeah, exactly, powerful stuff.
VL: And is not always easy and that's where the growth and that's where the growth comes from and that's how we, we up level is when we, we take action and get out of our comfort zones and and do the work so that's super important. I'm glad that I'm glad that you mentioned that. So when it comes to other kind of behaviors or habits, what are some other things that intentional entrepreneurs could be doing?
[10:07] CA: I like to incorporate rituals into my workday so things like to me rituals are just habits that we do more than once that we do repetitively or you know always at a certain time.
And so I have a point of rituals that are based around you know If This Then That. So, if I am reheating my coffee, I'm, I'm taking that minute to stretch at the same time, because otherwise, you know, that's the only reason I really get up from my desk, or, you know every time I am about to get on a zoom call, I go and I refresh my glass of water and just little things built into the actions that I take every day, as I'm working in my business, I use those as cues to be able to add in a little habit so I know will will help me feel good. Like, like, my water stretching, putting Roma therapy in the diffuser.
All of those, all of those little things that I might forget to do otherwise.
VL: I will I refer to them as habit triggers and they really are these little cues that help us get to where we want to be. So when you're, when you're saying these things I'm like, oh I should get water before I jump on the Zoom call or yeah I like to start my diffuser, before I sit down on my desk and I'm thinking about all these different kind of transitions or rituals that I like to incorporate too.
So I guess what I want to ask now is how do we start moving the needle forward in our business, what, what kind of habits. Can we maybe look at implementing to find that growth in our business?
[11:56] CA: Those are great questions. You know I'm all about taking action and built the framework around it.
And I do recognize that you know there's going to be days when, when we don't feel like taking action that's just part of being a business owner as part of being human. And so my intention isn't you know that you have to be taking decisive intentional action, all of the time constantly. But when you do, it's important to celebrate that. So I haven't I had, in full disclosure I don't do it anymore but earlier in my in my entrepreneurship journey. I had a gun, I had an action journal. And I think this is a recommendation from, from my therapist of like it's stupid told me you know it's not enough to just think about something like, you then have to do it before you see some kind of results, and she encouraged me to think to write down anytime I did something that took me a little bit out of my comfort zone when I was a little bit scared of doing. And so I had this one journal that you know I put, you know like filled out this podcast application to be on the podcast that would go in there, because it's just a, just a touch, out of my, of my every day but those are the kinds of actions that would really, you know, take me further in my business. And so it was that having the journal motivated me to, you know at least have one thing to write down on most days. Now this journal was pre pandemics, so, like, keep that in mind that your capacity is going to be different, all the time based on what's going on in our lives in the world, but I was motivated to just write these things down as I went.
And that it encouraged me to do more things so I had something to write down I'm very motivated by the check marks the quotes in my own journals.
So I said that that was a great practice for, we're starting to intentionally move forward.
VL: I love this. I definitely want to start incorporating this so actually something that you mentioned a little while ago, in stories, I remember like flipping through, and I screenshot of it because you were, you were talking about things that you were going to be tracking in your business, and I thought one of them was really cool. One of the things you said was, you're going to start tracking the times you went out of your comfort zone, and I did something similar to this. A couple years back and I've started redoing it now since you posted about it. Can you tell us maybe like, maybe give an example or tell us a little bit more about what that would look like.
[14:35] CA: Yeah, I think, with the tracking, you know, doing that where you're actually going to use it is, is so key. So if you're a pen and paper person, like, keep an actual journal, if you're, you know that you're digital mostly email yourself every time or put it in your task manager your asana, or Trello your pick up whatever, or find an app that you can keep that kind of list in, but it's it's so motivating to look back on what you've tracked and see, these are the actions that I've already taken, right, those empower you to take more actions.
And so having that having that list handy of, you know, this is, this is what I, this is what I've accomplished this is what I've done. I think is so motivational and is a way that you don't need to look outside yourself for motivation, right, you get to get to use that list to look inward and think, Hey, these are some things that I've accomplished, which means if I can do this, I can probably do that.
VL: Wow. Yes. That's so true, it's really empowering to see that proof, and also what you said earlier it's that it gets you to take more action, because what we don't always realize is that we're kind of growing this muscle this courage muscle or this this growth muscle. I like to call it you know the I'm in the health and wellness industry, I've got to relate everything to fitness and wellness. Anyway, but what I love about that is that it's really cool to see how that list grows, and then you get to look back and say, Wow, I have taken so many steps. Wow, I'm so capable of this next big leap, or whatever it is and I to be very driven by the checklist.
CA: You’ve got to give yourself the sticker, and yourself the gold star right, right, like because, as entrepreneurs like we don't have the boss was willing to do that, or, you know, it's not always those external metrics that are going to give us that sense of satisfaction so learning to give ourselves that that pat on the back, or that moment of celebration that moment of gratitude for ourselves, that's, that's powerful.
[16:58] VL: It is. It absolutely is. And we're the only ones who can kind of, kind of do that for ourselves. So just like you said, when I want to know now is how do we know that we're taking the right steps forward for us, how do we know that we're growing in the right direction?
CA: So, I think, a concept that's tossed around a lot, is this concept of alignment, and I think the missing piece there is people don't always know what they're aligning to.
And so making decisions, gets a lot easier. Once you know what you're aligning to, and you can do that in a couple of different ways but I found that, like, basing decisions based on values, has been the most effective for myself and for my clients is deciding on a list of four to seven words that are your guiding values and principles. And when you're faced with a decision, you know like this or that, or, you know, sure. Should I use should I buy this or should I invest in that or what do I do next, consulting that list, and going back to that I'm having it, you know, physical somewhere, or having it completed finished.
It seemed that, That ability to look back and go, Okay, does this line up with my body's not gonna lie machining. Is this an alignment with my, with myself with my values. And I think that's that's the most powerful tool we have as decision makers, because we can't, You know, we have great like capacities we don't always know what is going to happen, you know, three decisions further down the line or three months from now. And so the best we can do really is make the most informed decision that we can, and the most aligned decision that we can, based on what we already know, and that includes your poker knowledge, and our, our knowledge of self and our integration of our own personal experience. So when you're armed with, like, or when you're at the moment of making a decision. Really what you have to consult is your past experience, up until this very moment.
It seemed that, That ability to look back and go, Okay, does this line up with my body's not gonna lie machining. Is this an alignment with my, with myself with my values. And I think that's that's the most powerful tool we have as decision makers, because we can't, You know, we have great like capacities we don't always know what is going to happen, you know, three decisions further down the line or three months from now. And so the best we can do really is make the most informed decision that we can, and the most aligned decision that we can, based on what we already know, and that includes your poker knowledge, and our, our knowledge of self and our integration of our own personal experience. So when you're armed with, like, or when you're at the moment of making a decision. Really what you have to consult is your past experience, up until this very moment.
VL: Yes, I just hold time like shaking my head like, Yes, this is so true and this is so important because it really comes down to, like when you set the alignment, and not just that overuse of the word, but the actual practice of it, taking that action in that alignment, and you support a lot of new entrepreneurs I would say is that correct, yeah?
When you're working with them, have you noticed maybe a theme or a couple similarities in where they get stuck, and, and how, how do they get out of those kind of limiting beliefs?
CA: I think the main one is that they have so many ideas, and they're feeling scattered and we want to streamline.
You all can’t see her, but Val just have this little fist bump when I said that.
VL: Yes. 100% that’s me. I'm like, I have all the ideas, but which one do I do like how do I, where do I start anyway. Streamlining.
CA: Yeah, and streamline isn't a word I would use with the word my clients been to us. And I think to them what it means is, like are they looking for clarity, they're looking for. Taking all of our ideas and picking the best one I think that's what streamlined means for them. And I would say, you know, if you have a lot of ideas, that's a strength. That's, that's a positive, and you want to give life to all of your ideas in some ways so that you don't put yourself into ideas scarcity, because trust me it would be worse to not have any ideas that would be, that would be a real struggle. Right, it's very difficult to build a business on no ideas, And so, having lots of ideas actually is probably very powerful, or can be if you choose to view it that way, so I'd encourage you know, write down all of those ideas.
Meditate on those ideas. Decide, talk to them, really, like, talk to if I had some ideas but I remind them that I'm still there, but they're not for right now, and that's okay.
You know like it wouldn't be a good idea to open anything brick or mortar right now for me, in my particular circumstance. so I you know I don't do that but I think maybe some days this idea will be. That'll be the right moment, it will be aligned and sober mind the idea but, you know, it can still hang around me for as long as you know as long as I want it to do.
And I'm not forgetting about it.
But but I'm focusing on other ideas right now and I'm bringing those to life, and that's where my focus needs to be. And I guess over the three years of being an entrepreneur I've developed a better trust in myself that the ideas that I have right now are the right ones for right now, and that's been a continual growth experience because I didn't always have that trust in my first business as a yoga teacher, I had all the ideas my active on all of the ideas, because I am very action driven, but I acted on so many ideas that I like I diluted, my brand, right, like it wasn't, it wasn't clear for people what I offered. And then I wasn't giving enough of myself to each of them to make any of them successful. And I used to think that, you know, if I, I would be more successful if blank, you know like if I had a product based business, I'd be more successful and so I launched myself into products, and that didn't turn out to be a great decision for me because I was just trying to add things that I thought made other people successful, not the things that I actually deeply knew that I wanted to do, I didn't have a good why around them. And so, acted on those ideas without that depth wasn't wasn't a good strategy.
So I feel like I've got a tangent here but the, the too many ideas mindset, or the too many ideas problem, I think, just needs a little bit of a reframe of, you know, some ideas are for right now, and some ideas are for later, some ideas are for me, and some ideas are for other people.
[24:10] VL: Definitely. So, okay so I have two questions. One of that. The first one is we okay let's say because I'm the idea person, I'm gonna use myself as an example, I have all of the ideas and they come all the time, and sometimes I'm like whoa whoa whoa, slow down, I can't even, like, think about all of them. So let's say I choose the one that feels best for me, and I'm going along going along going along, and then like, there's a second shiny object over here, as the shiny idea over here. How do I then I'm going to use this expression stay in my lane. When all of the other things are like twinkling in my eye. What do I do?
CA: Yeah shiny object syndrome is real. I, I hear you, that like squirrel mentality, it's so difficult with our attention spans, as they are, you know that instant gratification I think makes us feel like we have to we have to go all in on that idea right now or it's going away.
And so for shiny object syndrome, I, I would just encourage keeping an idea bank somewhere of No, this is a this is a potential, this is a possibility maybe it's a possibilities journal or a potential list of, you know, this is something I could focus on later on so something, and know your feelings around it to like because this is exciting, Is this, like what about it is attracting new, so it's it's why, why is it sparkly to unify us and shiny.
What is, what element is actually connecting with you on that level, and maybe you can bring that feeling into what you're doing currently, like maybe that's a hint that what you're currently working on is not as exciting there doesn't feel you don't feel as passionate about, or you don't feel as inspired or motivated. And so maybe that's a hint to remind you, okay, you want a little more of this feeling remember. And so how can you bring that into what you're doing right now, I mean you reshape that recreate that?
And then how can you make space for those videos later so maybe it's something like leaving yourself, you know 10 minutes a day meditating on all of those things those future potential as possibilities.
Scripting them into your, into your future. So, but remind yourself that now. This is what you're doing right or, you know, potentially, potentially, it's also a message to let go of the thing that you're currently doing maybe doesn't feel like it's working anymore. Maybe you are looking at work towards the briefings because you're trying to give yourself permission to stop doing that thing you're doing that you've lost interest in. So that could be a really it's a lot of self inquiry.
I find myself, you know, in a staff meeting with one a lot. Where I'm thinking through these things and thinking okay, is this my higher self talking, or is this my ego or is this me distracting myself. What is what is going on here with you.
[27:27] VL: Right, so then these just have to give yourself a little bit of a tough thing to definitely I talked to myself all the time. I love that solo meeting.
The second question that I had before if we're gonna want to jump right into it, is how do we build trust with ourselves, we were talking about trust earlier because their habits are practicing?
CA: That's a great question for me and trust in myself has been gradual totally a result of therapy and meditation and making mistakes and learning from them and making really big mistakes and learning from them, I think, I think my greatest. My greatest sense of self trust has come from my, my worst mistakes, and having to experience those in growth through them and teach myself to build that trust back with myself every time that's happened.
And just recognize that it's a journey, no like, it's one of your favorite presidents but, but it is it's, it's something that we're never going to be complete in that it's, it's just something that we're, we're developing that we're learning to do in an ongoing way that it's a relationship, right, we have a relationship with ourselves, and that's how we develop that self trust. And I think it's different than, than how we trust how we trust ourselves is different than how we trust other people like yes we're proving things to ourselves in some ways, you know, like every time we follow through on a habit, or every time we we take an action vote for proving something to ourselves, but also, it's, it's a little bit bigger than that. Right, it's not just transactional where it's you know do this action and then your sense of trust froze, it's also just a holistic sense of it, that, that grows over time.
VL: That's so powerful it is. It is very much I love that you said that holistic sense and it is definitely is something that grows over time.
Oh my goodness, I've learned a lot about trusting myself, and I just realized since you said from your biggest mistakes that you know what a lot of my trust, as well as my growth has come from those failures have come from though and I don't even like to call them failures because of the negative connotation of the word, but I think that's what they, that's what a lot of people would recognize them as. However, I would not be where I am today without those, those moments and time. Without those experiences without those mistakes. So, you know why it's one of those things where that was a really deep answer to the question. And I think that, as an entrepreneur, as a human, we need to, to spend time recognizing the growth recognizing, maybe the silver lining or the outcome from that hardship from that mistake, and that's where so much magic happens, whether it's trust or learning or growth or redirection pivoting, all of those things, it's so beautiful and when we can look at it in this way, That's where things start, start to shift for us and expand for us.
CA: Yeah, what you were saying actually just gave me a great kind of metaphor for it. Is it because when you break through trust with yourself, then you're forced to rebuild it. Right, and it's in the rebuilding that you get better at it and it makes me think of watching my partner's kids build their Legos.
It's, it's so interesting to watch them as they come up against, you know like they put a piece in the wrong spot and then they're 10 steps later and are like, Oh no, what do I do and it's this big panic about the Lego and. And I always tell them you know the joy isn't the building because once you've built that cool Lego. If you're not really playing with, what do you call the Lego but you once you've built that thing, you're not really playing with it. Play aspect of it is building. The building is the toy. And so, the building of the trust is kind of similar to that you're building it like block by block and sometimes you have to go back 10 steps, and, and rebuild that, and that's just, like, you know, that's life. That's business sometimes we have to go back and rebuild with ourselves, but we're getting better at it every time because we have that we have that that advanced knowledge, that's how we can see is 10 steps into the future, is when I did this last time, I didn't get the result that I want, but I get the opportunity to go back and try again.
[32:38] VL: Oh my goodness, you are like Oprah. So, like you're just dropping the word seven. Right now I'm like, oh my god I never thought about it this way, as Lego as the building blocks of that's the journey, the journey is the reward the journey is the fulfillment, it's not the end of the journey not the destination
CA: This is a hard concept for preteens, but yes, that is the journey.
VL: That's right, my goodness, I love that you explained it, like I love who doesn't love like, Okay, I want to get into how we can support you but I just feel like I need to ask, is there anything else that we should know is there anything else you need to share with us today?
CA: I I'd actually love to share my most long standing habit. Well I know that your most long standing habit is the, making your bed every day from when you get The Compound Effect.
Mine is for the last three years or so, I've met every Tuesday with, with my friend Dana, and we have a mastermind of two. And, you know, sometimes, Sometimes we have to shift and it's not exactly Tuesday. It's at 3:30pm Sometimes it's early or something. The next day, but it's a habit that stayed very consistent.
It's a habit that's lasted longer than anywhere I've lived in my adult life.
And what we do is we we've, we've committed to each other going on this like this personal growth journey, sort of hand in hand. And when we started it we would actually meet at the park, and sit on a bench and talk every week, and we work our way through self help books one chapter at a time, and the practices built around the idea that we, we, we had a tendency to read through these books like the speed read through them and not actually do any of the exercises or absorb any of the learnings. And so, we can't read ahead, we can't, you know have spoilers, so we read one chapter a week. And we said, with what or recent on Zoom, and we discussed the chapter of the week, and it's a kind of book that has exercises in it like, like the you are a badass books for example of those exercises at the end of the chapter and I think compound effect those two it has the homework.
The Compound Effect was also one of our one of our mastermind books.
So we had that connection but we we support each other and our and our personal growth through those meetings and use those books as a, as a tool to start the conversation, and having to just read one chapter at a time and not skip ahead, and not speak, read through the whole thing gives us, you know, an experience of, you know if the book has 10 chapters, that's, that's a minimum 10 week commitments that we're making to it and to each other. And so we get to live with the books a little bit longer and and CO create that experience together. And that's been just integral to my growth as an entrepreneur, it's been the most valuable habit because I believe that working on myself, is working on your business. And because I am my business, like, along with my clients. Right, so that that taking that time that dedicated time or don't book anything else, and that time I don't, I don't want to get overtaken by calls or by the list or emails, or whatever, committing that time to myself and committing that time to my friend, and to the book that we're reading has been really transformative and I'd encourage anyone to find that person that is going to handhold you on your way to to growing to be the best that you can be for your life and for your business.
[36:48] VL: What a lovely friendship mastermind relationship that you have I think that's so powerful. And I also like the pacing of it too.
What a lovely friendship mastermind relationship that you have I think that's so powerful. And I also like the pacing of it too.
And I think it's great advice and I think it goes full circle back to what we kind of started with was not just consuming consuming consuming but actually taking action and this gives you the opportunity and the accountability to do that.
CA: Because a lot of the exercises, you know, left to my own devices, I would not do that because they're scary prayed like, like, who wants to actually do the exercise when they're forgiving themselves and they're doing it, they're saying it out loud in the mirror like nobody wants to do it.
Right, I certainly don't don't want to face that part of myself, right, but because I know I have to, because I know my partner is doing it as well but at that same time, and then also you know I have to answer to her. The next week, or I'll have nothing to say which was how does exercise to for you.
It, it's a little bit of a little bit of safety, I guess, in doing that exercise to know that, you know, even if you feel silly doing this thing or even if you don't want to do that work for someone else doing it with you.
And, and you'll get more out of it, if you, if you do it.
And so that, that motivation has been killed got. That's why I've gotten further right that's why I've gotten further with it is I haven't skipped over the ones that are hard.
VL: Yes, call us all out for that. That’s perfect.
CA: I’ve been tempted, you know and some some weeks I have each of us have some weeks we've skipped them and then we've had to try again the next week. And, and we've just added it on, I guess, to the next weeks.
Because then if we if we both fail or one of us fail to do it and we talk about it. Like, why was that scary. Why was that hard why, why did that feel like a no, what am I avoiding that I didn't want to do that or what am I afraid will happen, or what am I blocking myself from receiving by not doing that.
VL: It is some really great questions, but that's part of taking action it's you, you figure out you bring awareness to the stuff that sucks, and the stuff that you're afraid of. And you, but then when you have those breakthroughs when you actually, you do you do number two, and you do the thing that you were avoiding week after week, and then you're like, oh my god, I can do anything, or I can do the next thing, and it's, again, like we're going back full circle again to building trust and taking action and all the things that we, that we need to be doing to move the needle forward.
This has been such a wonderful conversation, I mean, I knew it was gonna be.
I just, I feel like you blew my mind, which you always do but this was just even more different and amazing than I expected. I'm so glad. I'm so glad that we finally did this.
CA: You’re my favourite super client!
VL: So sweet. I'm sure it'll be another project for us to work on and then we have one more round as a shower one more segment of the show but before we get into it. Let us know where we can find you where we can follow you and how we can support your business.
INSTAGRAM | @clearquartzcreative
WEBSITE | www.ClearQuartzCreative.co
So, supporting my business is really, by supporting your business and that's with the aligned action framework that I've created. I have an eight day or eight week depending on what pace you want to take it workshop that self paced takes you through all of the steps of building an intentional business based on alignment to you, and learning to become just a more conscious decision maker. So over the course of eight hours, you learn how to bring more of you into your business to do business on your own terms, and to really connect to yourself as you as you grow your business. And the link for that is, in my bio or through my website, and I think that's, that's really the best way to connect and to grow.
VL: I've done the aligned action core slash framework, and it is really amazing. I was very impressed, even as someone who has had a business for a while. I've noticed that recently a lot of my core values and a lot of my intentions have changed. So to kind of go back to the kind of fundamentals or just remind yourself of what your mission is what your vision is who you're supporting. It was really helpful for me, so thank you so much for that.
[43:22] RAPID FIRE ROUND
- What are you currently reading? OR What’s your favourite book?
Favourite Book: The Untethered Soul
Currently Reading: The Art of Possibility
- What do you love most about being a woman?
The sense of personal power, is that I feel, and on things like sparkles.
- What does “empowerment” mean to you?
Empowerment, to me, means, like we touched on earlier, that building that trust with yourself. I think the more that we trust ourselves, the more power that we are. And the more that we know ourselves or empower that we are so self knowledge and self trust.
- What are you currently working toward?
I am currently working towards a business that reaches more people. Up to now I've mostly focused on his one to one services, where I'm working directly with clients for our period of time.
And I'm working on building more courses like the aligned action framework that are going to meet entrepreneurs where they're at and teach them skills that they need that are very specific. So like one thing I'm working on is the intentional inbox. So how to be intentional with your email, and I have so many more ideas about like how to be intentional with your, your brand photoshoots, because that's something that my clients come to me with lots of questions about, and creating those, those, those courses so that you know they're very accessible, or reasonably priced, and they're sort of easily consumable and actionable. And then, just getting to connect with, with more entrepreneurs through that true that experience of working with them.
[46:00] VL: Well, it is an absolute pleasure working with you. I should know it's been, I think five projects, different projects.
Thank you so much. This was amazing. You are amazing, I want to just take a moment to acknowledge you and your work and your, your overflowing, knowledge, and I feel like every time I connect with you, I learned something new, maybe not always about web design or about being an intentional entrepreneur I mean it definitely did today, but sometimes it's even just learning something more about myself. I mean think it's so, it's such a pleasure, a blessing to know you as a friend and also to have worked with you so I'm just, again, like really grateful I'm really happy to, to know you and to share your voice and your knowledge with my community. So thank you so much.
CA: Thank you. That is the three that are gonna make me cry over here.
VL: That’s the goal. JUST KIDDING!
CA: I also want to acknowledge you because you put so much effort, And so much heart into this podcast and sharing it with everyone. So, I acknowledge you, in a, in a similar way, with gratitude.
VL: Thank you, and I receive that.
www.valerielavignelife.com/128 for the free Habit Tracker and show notes!
[1:09] Part One: Collecting the Data
The very first step to making any change is awareness. We need to know what current habits we have, and whether or not they are: beneficial, detrimental, or neutral. Let’s get started by creating a habit scorecard.
To do this you will need: a piece of paper or notebook and a writing utensil. You can also use the notes app on your phone if you prefer. I always recommend starting with the pen and paper because it’s a bit easier to evaluate and see the big picture than it would be to scroll along on your phone.
It’s important to remember that the purpose of this exercise is to bring awareness to your current daily routines, not to judge yourself for them. We will be evaluating the habit, which is separate from us at this time.
Here’s how the scorecard works: from the moment you wake up, you are going to write down a list of everything you do; every activity throughout your day until you go to bed at night.
When you’re writing your list, keep these three things in mind:
- Be as detailed as possible. Don’t skip little habits, even if they seem insignificant, or you aren’t doing them every day. These are still very important.
- Be honest. Not all of our habits are good ones; that’s okay. We’re doing this exercise so that we can understand our starting point.
- This is a judgement-free zone. Even if your entire morning is stacked full of “bad habits” the point of the exercise is to collect information, not judge ourselves. You’re already making a positive impact on yourself and your life just by listening to this episode and taking action on your daily routines. You’ve got this!
Here’s a bonus part to the scorecard exercise: include mindset habits. These are our thoughts and thought patterns. For example, when you wake up in the morning your thoughts could be that you’re excited for the day. Or when you’re driving to work you’re thinking about how you’re already counting down the hours until you can drive back home after work.
E04: Your Mindset is a Habit
Use your habit scorecard every day for one whole week. Technically you can do this for one day, however you’ll collect more accurate data from seven full + consecutive days, especially if each day is different for you. At the very least I suggest making a scorecard for 2 weekend days, and 2 weekdays.
[4:12] Part Two: Evaluating the Data
Once you have your list of daily routines, it’s time to rate them.
Highlight with yellow, or put a + sign beside any “good habit.” A good habit is beneficial and improves your life. Examples: meditation, exercising, staying hydrated, flossing, etc.
Highlight with blue, or put a - sign beside any “bad habit.” A bad habit is detrimental and doesn’t solve problems in your life. Examples: Hitting snooze multiple times, checking instagram first thing in the morning, grabbing a sugary latte and snack on the drive to work, etc.
Don’t highlight, or put an = sign beside any “neutral habits.” A neutral habit is something that must be done. Examples: getting dressed, going to the bathroom, driving to work, etc.
Now remember that bonus part of the scorecard? Where we were recording our mindset patterns? Our neutral habits MUST BE DONE, but that doesn't always mean our thoughts are neutral also. As you are tracking your habits, notice if you have positive, negative, or neutral mindset/thoughts around these neutral habits (and your other habits). You might find that getting dressed in the morning is actually detrimental because you are wearing clothes that don’t fit you properly and negative self talk starts to come up. Or while you’re going to the bathroom you are reading the news on your phone and you’re experiencing some issues with digestion because you aren’t actually present or connected to your body.
I know this is getting pretty detailed, so if you’ve never brought awareness to your habits before, start with the simple scorecard with the daily actions.
If you’re interested in making more internal/mindset shifts, this is where you need to bring your attention to WHILE you’re doing certain activities.
Sometimes it helps to start simple with your scorecard for the first two days, and then get more detailed with your mindset the following two days and so on.
[6:29] Part Three: Using the Data
Once you’ve collected the information, take a look at your scorecards. What do you see? There are no right or wrong answers, but here are some examples of what you might find...
- A balance of good and bad habits
- More good habits in the beginning of the day, and bad habits in the evening
- More habits than you thought you had
Look through everything and notice if there are any specific bad habits that you’d like to change. As always, start with ONE thing you’d like to work on at a time. Usually you’ll discover which habit you want to change pretty quickly while you’re tracking and evaluating.
As an example let’s say you’ve gotten in the habit of eating ice cream before bed. You rated this as a bad habit that you want to change. Instead of trying to eliminate this habit immediately, consider what you can replace this habit with, or how you can modify the habit.
For example: you are going to replace the ice cream with half a cup of fruit or a scoop of peanut butter, or a peppermint tea.
Or you will have half the serving you normally have of ice cream and without the extra toppings you add to it like m&ms and sprinkles. Then, perhaps you only have the ice cream if it’s before 8pm or only on weekends; limiting the habit to weekly instead of nightly. This could turn into a gradual elimination of the habit.
As you're building this new habit, it’s important to track it. The best trackers are automatic, like a step counter attached to your phone or watch. For our ice cream example we would have to track it manually. A suggestion I would have would be putting a calendar up on your freezer/fridge door and each time you DON’T go for the ice cream and reach your new goal/habit put a sticker or an X on the date. See if you can continue the chain of X’s without breaking it for more than two days in a row.
This will help you track your habit, and also help you see the progress you are making. You can also write WHY this new habit is important to you on the top of your calendar to remind you why you’ve decided to make this change. Perhaps you want to be healthier, or have better quality sleep.
Another way to support your new habit is to set up a habit trigger. This could be setting up your kettle, favourite mug, and a tea bag after you’ve cleaned up the dinner dishes so that it’s easier for you to make a tea versus a bowl of ice cream.
You can also let your family members, or roommate know you’re working on this new habit. Maybe ask them to check in with you, encourage you, or do the challenge with you!?
How you choose to take action on the information will be entirely up to you. When you’re creating an action plan, here are my best tips/practices:
- Start with one habit you’d like to change/modify/adjust
- Swap the habit versus eliminate it entirely
- Track your new habit/progress either manually or automatically
- Set up habit triggers to make the new healthy habit easier than the old bad habit
- Tell a friend to help keep you accountable with your new habits
Your next immediate step is to start that habit score card! Get the pen and notebook ready right now and place it beside your bed so you can start listing your daily activities from the moment you wake up.
When you’re done you can send me a photo of your scorecard or tag me in a story/post on instagram @vallavignelife I’d love to see where you’re at with your experiment!
www.valerielavignelife.cojm/127 for full show notes and links.
[2:25] Grade 5 speech, opening line:
“P-R-O-C-R-A-S-T-I-N-A-T-I-O-N. Procrastination is a very long word, and some of you may not know what it means…”
Procrastination is more than avoiding or delaying, and it’s not laziness. When we procrastinate we are actively choosing to do something else. We’re taking action, just not on the task we are meant to be acting on. Which means there is a deeper issue at hand that we need to consider as to WHY we might be procrastinating.
When you find yourself procrastinating, evaluate your work/study habits. Chances are, they’re going to fall into 1 (or more) of these 6 stuck-spots!
Start by asking yourself these questions:
- Is there a certain thing I always put off last?
- What is it?
- What are my thought patterns around it?
Investigating why we do things is important for breaking our unhelpful habits and patterns, we have to figure out why we’re doing them in the first place. And when we know why, we will be able to create a strategy to overcome it!
Let’s investigate further and look into where we get stuck when it comes to procrastination...
[5:57] 1. VALUE
Does the task lack value?
I recently had a conversation with a friend and business owner who was feeling down about her current ideas and strategy for her business. As she was explaining her situation she started talking about the intention behind her brand and her business, and suddenly everything changed. She lit up with excitement about her business and became so passionate about the intention and why behind her business. She remembered why she started it and recognized that the current work she was doing needed the passion and clarity she began the company with. This rejuvenated inspiration led her into creation mode where she took inspired action and felt that her ideas were valuable again.
This situation can be true for many of us. For some, we will reconnect to the value and importance of the project, and for others we will need to change our strategy and pivot.
[7:08] 2. TIMING
Is there an issue with timing?
Most people are more productive during certain times of the day, and knowing when we work best, is really important when it comes to managing our time and time blocking. Don’t schedule your work when you’re tired.
If you aren’t sure where your time is being spent, or when you work best, I recommend tracking our week. To do this you will need a pen and paper, or a notebook and you’re literally going to write down everything you do in a week; day-by-day, and how much time you spend doing that task. From when you wake up, to when you go to bed.
This method is incredibly eye-opening and will reveal MANY things about yourself, including some of our worst habits, and also when we tend to be most productive. Do this every day for a whole week and re-evaluate when you time-block certain tasks and how much time you give them.
[8:33] 3. OVERWHELMED
Do you get overwhelmed by big tasks?
Aim to chunk things down into smaller, more manageable tasks to be more efficient and less stressed.
I can’t tell you how much time I’ve spent stressing about a massive to-do list, when I could have easily used that energy to take action and start crossing things off the list. Now what I do is make a master to do list, and go into detail breaking down the bigger tasks into smaller chunks. And by smaller chunks, I mean get as small as you need to so that you can start making headway on the work that needs to be done.
As an example: The to do list no longer reads “workout” you can now say
Workout
- Put on workout clothes
- Put on deodorant
- Put on running shoes
- Pick a sweet playlist for the workout
- Exercises: 30 minute circuit video with exhale pilates
[11:01] 4. DELAYED GRATIFICATION
This can be similar to stuck-spot number one. We might struggle with thinking the project is important or rewarding unless it’s being done right before the deadline - like me with this podcast episode being produced the night before - YIKES!
We go through our day to day tasks and to do lists and only see the slow progress being made, and the reward or gratification isn’t until the very end of a big project. This is why we’ll leave things just before the deadline to feel a sense of completion and gratification.
To overcome this stuck spot, find ways to reward yourself along the way of a project. Like when we break our goals down to smaller chunks, reward the end of day, or end of week, for those larger projects.
Kat Gaskin, founder and creator of The Content Planner, created a section in the content planner where at the end of each week you write down your wins; big or small! The reward can be recognition for moving the needle closer to your goal, it can be a celebratory experience or gift, whatever helps YOU stay motivated and on track.
[12:24] 5. LACK OF FOCUS/EASILY DISTRACTED
When it comes to productivity, one of the biggest struggles my audience had was lack of focus, and getting easily distracted.
Overcoming this starts with optimizing our space and eliminating/minimizing our distractions. Task switching or multi-tasking is not only a HUGE productivity fail (we go deeper into productivity in Episode 125: Powerful Productivity Practices), but it also makes you feel like you’re not getting anything done because everything is half finished and we are in this never ending cycle that keeps us busy and inundated with work.
Which is why I always recommend focusing on one task at a time, and creating impactful transitions between tasks. Like a breathing practice, a walk in nature, getting up and drinking a glass of water, etc.
[13:46] 6. HITTING A WALL
As a business owner, a multi-passionate entrepreneur, and healthy habits coach, I will tell you straight up that I have days when it feels impossible to finish tasks. Sometimes I think I am the queen of procrastination. And because I am someone who is productive and energetic more often than not, I can easily fall into the negative self talk of “not good enough” and lack self-worth.
Here’s how to get unstuck: rephrase the internal dialogue. Forgive and give yourself permission to take breaks, cut losses, and shower yourself in love and self care. I took a walk this morning to clear my head and move my body and I didn’t feel guilty for it.
I enjoyed Il Dolce Far Niente, the art of doing nothing (italian). And honestly, I made up for lost time you could say because after a refresh and restart I was able to get the project and tasks completed in less time because of how much more open and recharged I was.
Now I know I said that there were six procrastination stuck spots, however there could be one more. And this might be a deeper struggle. Perhaps it’s a symptom of something more serious. If this feels like you, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional and ask for help for managing the significant distress at a deeper level.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the women’s empowerment show, if you thought of a friend who might love this topic, please share it with them. Let’s continue the conversation over on instagram @vallavignelife
with Jana Mutch
www.valerielavignelife.com/126 for full show notes and details.
[1:10] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome to another special guests episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm speaking with intuitive guide, Jana. Jana ditched her comfy senior like leadership role of a fast paced tech company to start living out her soul's purpose. Her goal is to help strong wild women to feel empowered to return to their authentic selves so that they can live the life, their soul, is creating. Oh my goodness, I feel like so connected a call to this.
Like I know, I read it and I'm thinking, I need to know more, like, I want to know more, I need to know more, can you tell us a little bit more about how you do the things that you do and what is an intuitive guide.
[1:58] Jana Mutch: Yeah, well I guess my, my journey, sort of, officially started when I was still at my corporate job. You know I think everyone is born with some intuition and you connect with it, you know in varying degrees from the time that you're, You know, just first coming earthside, you know, and I was very connected when I was a kid but then go up, you learn, like maybe it's a bit weird, or you don't want to be connecting with your intuition in this way or you know you're just sort of learn to shut it down through conditioning through your own, you know, sort of confidence or your own sort of like insecurities. So, I have done that. I've definitely done that over the years of working in a corporate job that I was starting to not love, you know, being in an environment where I'm working in the tech industry and it's super fast paced, there's like hyper growth, hyper growth like I started at this company when we were 12 and within about a year and a half, we had grown to 60 employees. I had been, you know, running a project of building out a 10,000 square foot office on top of my full time job on top of another like part time job, You know, and just the more I was not company, the more I was like this doesn't feel good for me anymore. I'm like really reactive I don't feel like myself, I just feel like I'm on autopilot.
You know I was just going through the motions every day. And one of my really good friends had said to me, you know, I met this is healer this energy healer and I think you would really like her, you should have an appointment with her. And I was like, I don't really know what that even means. But I trust you so I'm just gonna do it. So I booked a session with an energy healer. And it was exactly what I didn't know I needed, and we got through working with her I did a couple sessions with her and she had said to me, I think you're actually meant to be doing this work. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm like, I'm meant to be climbing the corporate ladder, I'm meant to be, you know, the boss, I'm meant to be making a difference in these big companies, it's just like an extra sure that you're meant to do energy work. And she started training me, connecting back to my intuition.
And, you know, just sort of, she was my mentor, still to this day as my mentor and a very good friend, but she was really, you know, sort of the catalyst and into this world. And then through working with her like I started really working with energy, feeling people's energy. And, you know, Just moving in. Moving on any blockages that was depleted like putting energy back in their body, or just getting everyone feeling back selves and balanced.
And the more I started doing that, the more my intuition started opening up, And the more other gifts started opening up.
You know I was, I was doing all of this work alongside working, you know in this corporate role, and starting to feel so much more disconnected from, you know this full time job, to the point where I was like okay I need to get out and I know now that I am meant to be doing. You know this intuitive work this energy work this healing work.
You know, so eventually I separated from my job in the tech world, and my full time to do in energy QA and intuitive work, and through doing that work more and more. My guests have been more and more, and I found, you know that I was really good at sort of feeling into people's bodies, and feeling their energy, and then from that feeling deciphering what it meant, like, what is the thing that's going on in their life that's causing this feeling in their body. And how do we work through that.
You know, so it's a mix of traditional energy healing like Reiki. Also with, you know, some intuitive guidance so I just received the messages.This is, this is the thing that's really going to help you, you know, this is the, this is an exercise that's going to help you, this is the, you know, sort of, the tool that you can start putting into place to help you move through this block, or move through this period of your life, move through this thing that is just making you feel like you're spinning your wheels and going nowhere.
So that's, you know, short story long, that is me and that is intuitive guide guidance and that is energy work.
[7:39] VL: I love all of this, and we talk about it a little bit on the show but we've been starting to incorporate it more and more that intuition, you know, really connecting with what feels good for you living a more intentional, all of this, and we talked about it a little bit on the show but we've been starting to incorporate it more than more than intuition, really connecting with what feels good for you living a more intentional and aligned life.
What I'd love to start with is, how can we figure out that feeling of like yes what I'm doing right now is right for me or it's not right for me. You said that when you were in your corporate job, you started to get this sense that, Okay wait, maybe this isn't for me or maybe this isn't in my alignment or my wheelhouse, like how do we how do we know, how do we know.
[8:28] JM: Yeah, so there was, there was a couple of really big, sort of like alarm bells or warning signs for me and at first it started up more subtle as, you know signs from the universe or, you know your Self, your soul speaking to always do, they start off a little more subtle. And, you know, if you keep ignoring it, it's gonna get all of a sudden it's just like, Alright we are going to do something major to get your attention. So for me it started out with, you know, even I used to hop out of bed in the morning and be so excited to go, you know, make a difference at this company.
Yeah, so there was, there was a couple of really big, sort of like alarm bells or warning signs for me and at first it started up more subtle as, you know signs from the universe or, you know your Self, your soul speaking to always do, they start off a little more subtle. And, you know, if you keep ignoring it, it's gonna get all of a sudden it's just like, Alright we are going to do something major to get your attention. So for me it started out with, you know, even I used to hop out of bed in the morning and be so excited to go, you know, make a difference at this company.
I learned started to be the way I would react to people, you know, working and my job was in operations so working in operations here, like the fixer and the, you know, the sort of one that puts out the fires and you're the one that keeps the business operating smoothly, you know you're like that duck on the pond where it looks all calm and underneath the surface, your legs are just kicking away but no one sees what's going on under the surface, but you know people would come and ask me for, you know, something that would make their job easier or, You know, can you, can you fix this area of the business and I started getting reactive to it. I started feeling this real.
And now I know what it is but at the time, I was feeling this real, like, almost sort of fire in my solar plexus so that area sort of right where your ribs meet up. And that was this feeling of someone else is controlling my time, someone else is, you know, making these decisions for what my day looks like and I was starting to really struggle with that because one of my core values is freedom. And so this felt like it was really really like crossing boundaries, stepping into one of my core values. That was not feeling good and I would react I would be, you know, very much whether I would say it out loud or not is a different story but I didn't feel it in my body, I would feel that reaction, my solar plexus and just be like, Oh, I don't want this.
You know another sign was showing up at the office.
I would park my car and I would go walk to the front door, and I could feel.
I could almost feel my body, my energy shrink it, like I just felt, you know you can feel it if you're, if you're having a conversation with your friend and you're talking about something that you're really passionate about you sit up taller, your shoulders are back, you're more open, we are more expressive versus like walking into this office, I would, atomic get from my car to the front door, you know my shoulders were almost like rolled forward.
I felt a little bit tired, I just felt myself getting small. And by the time I would walk up the stairs to my desk, I was like, Oh, I just feel like this, shrunken version of myself.
That doesn't feel good when you're sitting in that for a time. And you know when I would compare that to going and doing my, my practice, energy healing and energy work and, like, intuitive guidance when I was still, you know, like, doing sort of my training with my mentor. I feel so different I feel so alive, I could be so tired from my day when I get there and all of a sudden, my shoulders are back, my hearts open my, you know the energy in my voice is different because I'm excited and I was like, Yes, this is, this is lighting out, and I feel so free and I feel like, you know, my energy, my, my body my being just feels so much bigger than I actually am physically.
So, those were sort of the real tells for me.
[12:58] VL: Yeah, it was what I found interesting was that you used to be really inspired by and excited for your job and then over time that started to change. And I think the other key piece to part of your journey is that, you know you've, you have there was something else that was trying to lighten you up. And it was almost like a moment or the person that you need to meet, to show you that actually you can feel better in your body you can be excited about something again and you can feel more connected to freedom and your other core values, we talked about core values actually quite a few episodes in the, In the show, and I love how each guest brought up core values has a different meaning. So, if we could just kind of briefly into what core values are and maybe how we can connect to that.
[13:58] JM: Yeah, I have done, as I'm sure many of you have done quizzes done so many, like, you know, test score activities to find out what your core values are. I've pulled, family and friends that know me really well. You know I did an exercise in brown workshop where we had to sit with a stranger, and tell a story that felt like it really summed us up and that stranger than pits your values out of the story, and, you know, Of all the times I've gotten as my values are, like, you know even strangers are picking out my values, you know exactly how I would describe them. So for me, you know like how do I get to the core values like what's really important to me, what's a non negotiable. What is something that, you know, it's almost like this, guiding light for how you make your decisions. You know I said earlier that one of my, one of my core values is freedom. And, you know for me freedom is, you know, being able to be the one in charge of my calendar, you know, I get to decide what I do with my days what I do with my time freedom also has, you know, for me it has to do with being able to go on adventures, which is also one of my core values So freedom is like having that time and having that space to go on adventures.
You know, so if I'm ever. If I was ever to go back working for someone. this, you know like looking at holidays like what's the vacation schedule like, Okay, you say I get two weeks. Can we negotiate on that or can I take some time unpaid, and I'm okay taking it unpaid because I need to know that I have freedom I have that extra space to go do the things that make me feel lit up.
You know, another one for me like I said is adventure and adventure is, you know, it's traveling for me mostly and I know you and I've talked about that in other conversations, and I love to Guatemala, and, you know, that adventure I think I would guess that adventure is one for you also.
And, you know, I think just really, a really good way to do your values is just to sort of think about think about the things that you couldn't live without, like, think about the things that you spend a lot of your time doing or that you could do, and almost like not even realize that you've spent an entire day doing it or think of, you know, sort of the the people that you're drawn to what do they have in common. And, you know, for, for me, having those in place is such, like, it just helps you make so many more decisions right like does this play into what makes me feel good. What I know like, you know, so I think that's, that's probably the best place to start when we're talking about, you know, living in alignment, how do you find your alignment. Start with your start with your values first start with the things that are most important to know there's tons of books or even websites where you can get a list of words to sort of spark creativity.
But then, I would encourage you to question a little bit further, and from that word.
Write your own definition. What does that word mean to you, because you know something that, you know like, if you and I both share connection as a value connection is going to play out in my life, probably different than how it plays out in your life. So I think having that word and then also defining what that word means for you is just, you know that next step, that just makes the decision making process, or you know just answering that question, is this in alignment with the way I want to live my life. It just makes it so much easier.
[18:19] VL: So many great points. Definitely freedom and adventure, are part of my core values 100% Adventure definitely knowing your core values is helping you make decisions.
I mean there's so many things that last part about defining what the word means for you I think that is a really important piece for everybody because exactly like you and I could have very similar core values and they need to make us feel like we're very similar in a lot of ways, but let's circle back to making decisions off of our core values like how, how do we know that we're making the right decision, how do we, how we go abou that?
[19:06] JM: Yeah so I think, you know once you've defined your core values, have them written down somewhere to have them, have them in a notebook, have them somewhere that you can reflect back on them because you just might forget them or it's not, you know, front of mind when you're making a decision, so it's always good to just have, you know, whether it's sticking out, whether it's in a notebook whether notes on your phone, whatever that looks like for you. So, knowing your values.
And then, you know, sort of having that in your mind, and then I like this is this is my favorite way to make a decision and like seeing if it's in alignment or not, is, you know, sort of connecting with your breath. Take a few deep breaths, really sort of get balanced.
Get clear get grounded, you know, just really sort of get in touch with your body.
And then, you know, say to yourself, like let's use the example of another job. So you get this job offer, and you're like, oh my gosh, this was more money than I ever thought I would make.
But, you know like that might feel really expensive, you may be like oh my gosh this is amazing. That was so good I never thought I would like reach this sort of like financial goal or like a goal that's so much better than I ever thought.
You're expected to be available in the evenings to answer emails or you're expected to be available to your team, you know, through text message or, you know, even phone calls or something on the weekends. So, how does that feel if your value is freedom. That doesn't feel very free, and you can probably feel your body start, start to get a little bit small start to shrink because you're like, oh, okay, so it's more money, which, you know, pay for more adventure or it's like, you know, freedom of time I can pay for like house cleaners or meal service. Oh but then on the other hand, my time isn't my time anymore, I have to be available 24 seven. That feels really, you know, that feels really constricting.
You'll feel it in your body. And so we can even do out with, you know, just take a breath right now and sort of tune into your body, and then you can do it with all sorts of words like if I say the word creative.
How does that feel in your body?
[22:15] VL: I've been doing a lot of work with this recently, creative feels so good on my body to this point where I like, I want to open up, and I might almost leaning closer into this, like, into the Word.
[22:29] JM: And then if I was to say something like, it's time to do all your taxes. It might just feel a bit flat right.
[22:41] VL: Yeah, I actually think I'm a weirdo sometimes.I don't mind so I don't actually do my own taxes, I prepare the information to have someone do my taxes, wonderful, but I, I kind of like looking at the analytics of the year. It's not my favorite thing to do, but I only do it like either once a month or, at the end of the year I kind of wrap it all up. I think if you said desk job my whole body would just close up.
[22:23] JM: Yeah, that's a really good example. You know and so for anyone listening like just say that to yourself desk job, and, you know, for some people, they might be like, Oh my gosh, you know that, that just sounds like the worst thing imaginable and for other people, they're like you know, I couldn't like working at a desk I like looking at a computer I like being in an office I like the interaction I have with people. So, you know, there's no, there's no wrong answer, it's whatever answer. Feels good, or feels, you know like expensive. Or what if it feels constricted. And so that's, that's the sort of feeling you want to get in tune with, and you can use that to make decisions for anything, like, you know, if you're, if you're just in a bit of a funnel for a couple hours during the day, you can even say, you know, maybe I just need a nap.
And you're all of a sudden, like, oh you know what that feels so supportive for me right now I could just feel like my entire body relaxed, it feels like all of this pressure on myself, has, has just released, you know, versus maybe you're, you're in a bit of that fun. Can you say like, Oh, I'm just gonna check off my to do list.
Maybe feels good to you. Maybe you're like no that feels really, it doesn't feel supportive helpful it doesn't feel like that's what I need right now so even just asking yourself those questions, and how does your body feel.
And then, whether that is like you, Valerie like being this multi passionate entrepreneur and you wear a ton of hats you know like that might feel really good for you and I'm sure that's why you're doing it because it does feel good for you but for other people, you know, they might be like oh my gosh, I don't know how. I don't know how she can do all these things because for me that feels very like, you know, it just feels like too much so you know it's that it's that really just connecting to your body and what feels good for you, and then start taking action on that and start, like, trusting what your body what your soul is telling you, and it makes it, you know like doing doing that practice makes it so much easier to, to trust what your body is telling you, you know, it makes it so much easier to trust. You know for me, walking away from this like super comfy job, but didn't feel good. I was like, I know that there's something so much better over here for me because, you know I've proved to myself I've proved my ego. You know I've proved that by following what feels good for my body that ends up being good for my life, or, you know, for this life that I want to live overall so get into the practice and start small and almost train your ego to be like, okay, it might be scary, but I know that it always turns out for the best when we, when we trust her intuition when we trust our soul and we trust our body.
[27:25] VL: so much value and I like in everything that you're saying, I love how you keep reminding us that it really is a practice it's a practice to get to know ourselves it's a practice to ask the questions that are more supportive and more helpful it's a practice to take the steps to live closer to that aligned space, and a lot of times that can be really scary, because, you know, your, your, your life before air quotes before what you're doing now. It's not a bad thing. When you weren't hurting yourself or other people but at the same time like it wasn't as fulfilling as it could be. Right, well that's what it sounds like from like exactly what you're sharing Exactly.
And, and you probably teach this, or you've heard this before but when, when it comes to like manifesting and drawing who's into your life and attracting things. It's always like this or something better, yeah right where it's like, I wish to bring this into my life or something better. And I think we forget that sometimes I think we forget because we're, we are living so much in a very kind of short sighted space, and we don't realize that like, hey, something better does exist, and it's as simple as asking ourselves these daily questions and having this daily practice of getting in touch, more and more of itself. and it's not easy work all the time, like I said, like you said that those steps to go into alignment. Those are, those can be big leaps sometimes to quit jobs to be relationships to, you know, go out on a limb and buy the ticket to Guatemala, even though you have no idea what you're doing.
[29:17] JM: Yeah, yeah, it totally is. And, you know like with with that job that I was at, I manifested that, like, to, to the tee, like I had in my mind what my office would look like. And it did look like that I had in my mind what my boss would be like, and that was that and, you know, I, I completely manifested that job, and for a time it was brilliant. It was exactly what I needed, it can be really scary to be like, I'm in this, this role that I, I created it with the universe like I made this happen I manifested it, but now it doesn't feel good anymore. And, and so it is. It is scary. It is scary to like take that late being like, this is what I wanted so bad and I made it happen.
it can be really scary to be like, I'm in this, this role that I, I created it with the universe like I made this happen I manifested it, but now it doesn't feel good anymore. And, and so it is. It is scary. It is scary to like take that late being like, this is what I wanted so bad and I made it happen.
And I, you know, like I said the office was exactly how it was in my mind and I can do the gun. I can take that I can do the gun. I can take that lead and I can do it again. But it takes trust and it takes practice, and I think, I think, you know the reason why it is such a practice is because you have to.
You almost have to learn to start trusting the signs because you don't, you know like if you're, if you're creating this big life for yourself if you're trying to manifest something you don't really get to have the roadmap in front of you right now, like you get to know you don't get to see like, point A through two points.
You might see like a B and maybe C, and you need to just trust that like, once you get to C point D is gonna start showing up.
So, You know this is just all these little practices just taking these little baby steps, and, you know, making it a habit, making it a habit to like, trust yourself and to, to check in with yourself and ask these questions. Just, you know, it makes me so happy faster and it makes it easier and you know I always say that, you go from taking little baby steps, and then all of a sudden the Baby Steps turn into life, you know, maybe a bigger stuff, and then they turn into a week, and then they turn it into just like a jump off the cliff.
[31:33] VL: Yeah… Absolutely. The journey and then exactly what you said, like you see points A, B and C, and maybe D and then. But as you go, these, these new opportunities in ways reveal themselves to you, and I think it kind of goes back to what you said about like how you're a different person after leaving that corporate job because you, you couldn't have been, I don't know.
This is just like my speculation slash what I'm picking up. Here are your journey and your story is that I don't know if you would have been courageous enough to take that leap away from what you manifested, without doing the work to get you to that point first, it was almost like you needed to show your ego like yeah we can do this like I did this, I know what I'm doing, to be able to do that. So let's, let's talk about that trust more How are the ways we can build trust with ourselves, and trust our intuition more. How do we make that a habit?
[32:32] JM: Yeah, I definitely think, you know, there's, there's a ton of tools I could, I could tell you like 20 different ways to do it but I think you need to sort of pick what resonates for you.
And I do think one of the easiest ways to start is just like when you wake up in the morning, you know before you check your phone before you get into bed before you do anything, you know, just sort of check in and be like, what is it that I need today, what do I need to feel supported, or, you know, you can even ask like, you know, what is it that I need to know today, and just trust whatever answer pops into your head. And, you know, you might not be ready to take action on it. If this is brand new to you, but you might be like, okay, okay, so this is what I need to do today or this is what my intuition is telling me to do today.
And, you know like slowly you'll be like okay I kind of keep getting the same answer. So maybe I should take some action on that, you know, like it's just having, it's about opening up this conversation with your intuition, with your higher self, with the universe, you know, whatever, whatever sort of name you want to give it.
I think another really fun practice, you know, especially if you're learning to like trust. The signs and trust, you know, everything that's being put in front of you and like I said it'll start off quiet until it gets like, you know, super obvious like flashing lights in your face. But, you know, you could say, okay, universe. I, I want to start manifesting this, but I don't really trust I don't really know how this works. So, you know, I just want you to show me a sign. And that's fine could be, you know, show me a rhinoceros.
And, you know, pick whatever you want, pick something that's not, you know, felt like, that's not something you see every single day in your life that you know like, if I go outside in Vancouver, I'm going to see a crow, because I see a crow every single day, no matter which door, I have my apartment I leave no matter what time of day I leave, there's always a crow so probably not a good example, but a rhinoceros, not seeing one of those walking down the street in Vancouver, and you might be like, never gonna see rhinoceros, but then you turn on the TV, and there's a rhinoceros on the TV, or you overhear a conversation with some kids talking about rhinoceros, or it's on, you know the cover of an album that you're listening to, You know, so it's, it might be a really subtle sign, it might be something that's not super noticeable, but it's about, you know, like asking for that sign and then being open to you know like opening your awareness being like open to look around and notice the signs.
Having fun with it too, like it doesn't need to be so serious, have some fun with it and open up a conversation with your higher self.
Ask for what it is that you want. Ask for what it is that you need to know.
You know, trust, trust the first thing that pops into your head and go with it and take action on it and see how it feels. And, you know, then let's do that tomorrow and the day after that, the day after that. And, you know like signs are going to come in a much more obvious way much more open to receiving.
You know you're going to your intuition is going to talk to you louder. Like right now, you could be like, you know this, just popped into my head it was like a whisper, like how do I know if that's even what it is, you take action on it or you acknowledge it.
And then, you know, eventually that voice, you know, starts to wake up and it's like, oh you're starting to listen to me now we're starting to talk, okay I'm going to talk louder, I'm going to talk in a way that like so much easier for you to hear it's almost like you're giving your intuition, some like confidence to speak up and to talk louder.
[37:03] VL: I love it so much. It's funny because there's so much. It's funny because I totally forgot about this exercise but I do it all the time. I ordered this book, Online once, and it came in this tea. It was this like smaller than my palm of my hand, and it's an abundance book and I cannot remember for the life of me, but when I do remember I'll put it in the show notes page for this episode, but it has these little, these little experiments that they teach you how to do for manifesting.
For me they teach you how to do for manifesting. And the first one is attracting a green car into your life and you need to see a green card, and the other one is, I think, a yellow butterfly. So, I don't remember what month that was when I read this but I remember I was with my partner at the time and I said let's do this let's, let's do this together and let's see what we can attract, and he wasn't open to all of this as I am.
No problem. However, the next day I was like, I saw two queen cars, two of them, which was amazing. I don't have a green car so this is like a not this is not very common for me. And he said, Oh, I didn't see anything. So I was like okay cool, cool, cool, but he said I also wasn't really paying attention like I wasn't really looking for it, but because we had started this experiment, I started noticing the colors of the cars that I was driving around. And to this day, this was years ago. To this day, I see a green car almost 100% of the time that I drive. And I've actually attached, the green car symbol, or Omen, as a symbol and reminder for me, that abundance is always around me, and it's like always accessible, so sometimes I'll see like a bright green car and it's like a big truck and I know that this is like a sign that there's a lot of abundance in my life or a lot of abundance is coming. And sometimes I'll see like, it's green, but it's kind of a blue color but I'm like, it's kind of green like it's, it's an odd color for a car but I see it as green. And so that to me shows me that like abundance comes to me in different ways that I'm not expecting. And then there's a car that's typically parked outside, one of the houses on the way to my parents house so if I take that route. I often see the car, I don't always see the car but it often to the car. And so when I see that car, I'm reminded that there are places that I can always go to that have abundance in them so like, like for myself I teach Pilates.
And I also do my online mentorship and coaching, and I know that I'll never be out of a job. I know this because I've always done my own thing, I have not had that journey of living in the corporate world, I've done a few like desk jobs, if you will, however, it was all like yoga, Pilates my own business has always been a part of my life. And so I know that like, I know how to, how to bring abundance into my life, I know how to make money by myself and I don't typically I don't need anything else I just know like, yeah you know what I mean. In these areas, so it's, it's really cool and I feel like the more excited you get and the more gratitude you feel for when you get outside, you're like, I got this. Thank you. I saw the green car yeah thank you I saw the I saw the rhino, and it's not always a moving car sometimes it's a picture or sometimes it's like a meme online that we see and it's just like oh my god that's a rhino, and it's amazing how many green cars I see now like It's almost scary or annoying, but I always acknowledged as so when I'm driving, no matter what's happening of our lifestyle to go to an amazing song. I see a green card or my green car every day.
[39:58] JM: You know, like, add on to that, to this to this exercise is giving gratitude and being like, thanks to universe. I see you, I see what's going on.
And I really love that you have now attached a meaning to it, and, you know, I do that a lot with people, you know like people that I've lost, and I lost an uncle.
I guess two years ago and we were really close and you know he was a part of my, my life for a long time and you know like we spent a lot of time with him and his kids and you know here's someone very important to me very close to me, and the sign for him is an El Camino, which is you know like one of those car, truck, things.
You know, if I'm out and out and about walking around or driving or sleeping in my house if I start thinking about like I wonder how my uncle Dawn is literally in El Camino, but like, drive by for someone on TV is driving one, and it's always my uncle dawn. Miss you, you know like just acknowledging that because you can, you know like, like you're saying what the car, the green car for you as a sign of abundance. So you've now attached, meaning to that and so every time you see that car. But the universe or, you know, source or your higher self, communicating with you and being like, hey, just remember, like, so much abundance for you, or you know I love that you even have like different shades of green or there's like a spectrum of abundance for you. So that's something that you can totally do like it's a fun practice that you make your own and you make it something that is super meaningful for you and it doesn't have to make sense for anyone else. And it doesn't have to be the science that they receive. You know, because it's, it's personal, it's, it's your, you know it's like your secret language with the universe.
[43:25] VL: That’s really fun.I love that. Yeah, I know what and when you're, I will admit when you're first starting out I just remember reading like so many personal development books and they all say, is so they all say the same things which is because this is what works, and almost every single one of them will say just do the weird, wacky kooky stuff that your intuitive guy tells you to do, or like your coach tells you to do.
I think it's really important to as you're learning how to trust yourself more. It's keeping like what we've been talking about this whole time like keep coming back to your core values and being in alignment, because that's how you start to.
That's how you start to interpret or understand the signs that you're saying, better. Like for me, the green car thing was just green car in the beginning, and then it started to be, oh well this is a very vibrant car, or this is a huge green truck. And then I started incorporating it myself. As these different meanings so yeah it's really, it's really powerful and it's really it's actually really fun when you start to get into it and I feel like the connection, the core values to come back to them every day, every day I like that and I like that you said that kind of intention of the day, like how do I want to do I need to meet, to bring me into this space and there's asking those questions, not just living this automatic life but really becoming like more aware, more intentional and not taking mediocre as, like, your answer like it's not fulfillment at that point.
[45:00] JM: If we can just, we could go down an entire other path with this conversation. So I'll stop but yeah I really love what you said.
[45:10] VL:Everything you said is so important and it's such a great reminder for people who have practice things like this before it's also kind of a very broad introduction to it all. And I can imagine people having additional questions. So where can we find you. Where can we follow you. How can we support your business and also support our own intuitive journey?
IG | @moonrise_soul
Website | moonrisesoul.com
Rapid Fire Round
- What are you currently reading? Or What is your favourite book?
JM: My favorite book is The Alchemist. I was given that for my birthday one year and I read it on a flight to perhaps Nicaragua, and I read it before, like I'd finished the book before the plane even took off from Vancouver, it was, I couldn't get enough of it and I read it 100 times.
So I'm reading that I'm also reading a really interesting psychology book about Donald Trump, written by one of his nieces. So it's a bit off brand for me, but it's incredibly fascinating because I love, love psychology and all of the like all of the ways our upbringing shapes who we are. So yeah those are my, my favorite read of my current read.
- What do you love most about being a woman?
JM: Oh my gosh, okay. What I love most. the connection that you know that women have with other women, I think, as kids you know you're as girls, you're really encouraged to, you know, sort of build this, this really tight bond with your girlfriends and this, you know, community and I have such an amazing group of women in my life, and they are all you know one of my friends, her dad says to us all the time like, oh my gosh, all of you together could run the world, and you know it's it's true and we're all in the same room together like it's a force, it's super supportive, they are you know the people that you can go to for advice for support for, you know, fun, if you just need to have a cry. You know, it's, it's almost expected as women and I think men don't necessarily have that as much and that always makes me feel a little bit sad for them because, you know, there's nothing like being surrounded by your closest girlfriends and just, you can leave an interaction like that just having your heart, exploding with goodness.
- What does empowerment mean to you?
JM: yeah that's that's something that I did on in my business and you know just life in general, you know, with all the little women in my life I have a lot of nieces and a stepdaughter and I want to teach them, you know, for me it's about like, what skills do I have, what, what am I really good at what are the things that I do, sort of naturally or easily. And, you know, how can I teach others to do that for themselves, and you know when it comes to all the little women in my life. It's very much like how do, how do I help teach you to have a voice to, you know, make your own decisions and to think for yourself and you know to be a bit of a rebel.
You know, I think, you know, like I said in the question right before that it's about the connection with girlfriends like, it's important to have that support for sure but I think it's really important that you can get through life without a lot of hand holding like you need the support and you need people to help build you up. But for me, empowerment is about, you know, sort of equipping yourself with the skills to be able to you know to forge your own path and you know sort of guide other people and share. Share your knowledge, your wisdom on too.
- What are you currently working toward?
JM: You know, I think, you know, like I said in the question right before that it's about the connection with girlfriends like, it's important to have that support for sure but I think it's really important that you can get through life without a lot of hand holding like you need the support and you need people to help build you up. But for me, empowerment is about, you know, sort of equipping yourself with the skills to be able to you know to forge your own path and you know sort of guide other people and share. Share your knowledge, your wisdom on to.
You know, I think, you know, like I said in the question right before that it's about the connection with girlfriends like, it's important to have that support for sure but I think it's really important that you can get through life without a lot of hand holding like you need the support and you need people to help build you up. But for me, empowerment is about, you know, sort of equipping yourself with the skills to be able to you know to forge your own path and you know sort of guide other people and share. Share your knowledge, your wisdom on to.
You know, I think, you know, like I said in the question right before that it's about the connection with girlfriends like, it's important to have that support for sure but I think it's really important that you can get through life without a lot of hand holding like you need the support and you need people to help build you up. But for me, empowerment is about, you know, sort of equipping yourself with the skills to be able to you know to forge your own path and you know sort of guide other people and share. Share your knowledge, your wisdom on to.
www.valerielavignelife.com/125 for full show notes and links
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[2:20] Struggle One: Time Management
Time blocking: What gets scheduled is what gets done. Make the time in your calendar to do the work, and avoid rescheduling.
Have a specific action plan: When you get to your desk, know exactly what needs to be done. Write a check-list or plan in advance so you can easily get in the zone and stay focused.
[6:00] Struggle Two: Distractions
Focusing for Long Periods of Time, and Staying Focused on the Task at Hand
Eliminate distractions: Turn off your phone, or leave it in another room. Close down your email inbox, silence incoming calls. Let the people in your space know that you need uninterrupted time.
[8:50] Multitasking and Keeping it all Straight
STOP MULTITASKING: Studies have shown that multitasking reduces your productivity by 40%. Stick with your action plan and tackle each task, one at a time to avoid unnecessary task switching and backtracking.
Keep a notepad close by: When new ideas or distracting thoughts pop up, write them down so you can come back to later.
Importance of Transitions
[14:35] Organizing My To Do List
E115: Mastering Your To Do List
E121: How to Ask Powerful Yes or No Questions to Connect with Your Intuition
[17:00] Prioritizing Self-Care
Rest is essential for health and productivity: There’s nothing like a quality night’s sleep to have you ready and energized for the day ahead.
[19:35] 8 Habits to do on a Sunday for a more productive week
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Meal Planning & Meal Prepping
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Organize & Prioritize Your To Do List
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Time Block Your Calendar
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Set up Habit Triggers
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Plan Your Outfits for the Week E112: Style as Self-Care: The Comfy-Chic Formula
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Review Your Weekly Goals
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Complete Basic Chores
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Plan a Fun Outing or Experience
Let’s connect on instagram, find me @vallavignelife
with Hattie Dunstan
www.valerielavignelife.com/124 for full show notes and links.
[1:54] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I get to introduce you to our new guest Hattie Dunstan, the owner media buyer and paid ads strategist for fun since marketing, she helps businesses get new customers through the power of small funnels and targeted Facebook/Instagram ad campaigns, Hattie has a run three of her own businesses, from the wedding industry, a sports league app, even being the director of a charity fashion show fundraiser that raised over $120,000 for cystic fibrosis Canada. She went to university for marketing management in 2005 entrepreneurship runs in Hattie's blood from her great grandfather who was a watchmaker to her grandfather, and both of her parents now have he wants to help other entrepreneurs, scale and grow their businesses so they can stay in their zone of genius. Welcome to the show. I am so excited to be speaking with you today.
[2:55] Hattie Dunstan: Oh, thanks for having me. I'm so excited I love hearing my bio read out like that. So fun!
VL: When it comes to Facebook and marketing, Instagram, and all of those ads like I get so intimidated and overwhelmed and I think the main reason for it is because I just really don't know anything about them, and when I'm asked about them. I know that you're, you're the person that comes to mind when I think of as the Facebook and Instagram ad expert, so can you tell us what these are, why we need them in our business?
[3:42] HD: Yeah, so I always think Facebook and Instagram ads are an integral part of your overall marketing ecosystem. Of course you need your organic Instagram posting your SEO for your website your emails, your email campaigns, but it takes so many touchpoints to get someone to actually purchase something. It takes like 13 times it's telling someone repeatedly hey this is what I sell before they purchase that running an ad just even a reminder ad takes some of the pressure off of entrepreneur like we wear so many hats. And just to have a constant, another little touch point for our customers that we don't have to constantly be posting about is just, I don't know as soon as I started running ads for my businesses like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder. I didn't have to be in that hustle, that draining hustle and only 10% of our followers see our beautiful organic posts. So, pay a little money to go find it and show it to more people. That's what I think.
[4:45] VL: Yeah, that's a really interesting. I'm really glad you said that because it feels like we put so much effort into creating this amazing content. And then I also feel like a broken record when I, I don't, I don't know if I'm like, am I being too pushy when I talk about this, I'm like, do people even hear me when I talked about this, I tried something once where I posted kind of the same type of message every day for a week I just changed up the stories a little bit, and I noticed that there were some people who are watching my stories on Friday who didn't see my story on Monday, even though I said the exact same thing and I was like, Oh my god. Do I really have to say this 10 times.
You do like you actually do because not everyone is seeing your stuff there's like five people who watch every story that I've ever posted, and then everyone else just like wait, I don't even know how this works.
Okay, This feels important for my business to, to have an ad, it feels like when you were talking about it for like a weight lifted off my shoulders a little bit.
Now, my following I have like, just over 2000 followers, like tell me about this. Do I need to have a certain amount of followers to run ads?
[6:00] HD: Let's bust the myths! When people are like, oh I don't have 10k Like I don't have the swipe up feature. You can run ads if you have 100 followers, I just bought a $27 offer from an ad for ad was fantastic. I clicked on her incidences she had 200 followers, you can run ads for anything, and I love that you said, I sound like a broken record, and I'm always say to my clients. If you sound like a broken record when you're promoting your sales pitches, you're doing it right, because you sound like a broken record but to everyone else, Maybe they'll finally get what you're selling. So you definitely do not have to have a big following to send those reminder ads. In fact, it's kind of nice like for 200 people on your Instagram, you only need, you know, five bucks a day, you know for 2000 Maybe you only need 10,000 for 10 bucks.
You need a smaller budget, smaller audience smaller budgets so it's, you can run it with whatever but with whatever followers
[7:03] VL: Yeah, amazing so you did talk about budgets and I feel like you kind of busted this myth a little bit so we only really need $5 A day to run an ad? Let’s talk about that.
HD: So, okay, you need $5 A day to run a retargeting ad, which is showing, anyone that's landed on your website, anyone that's landed on your Instagram page, I always suggest you know the minimum that you can spend is five bucks a day just a gentle reminder. Here I am, this is what I sell this is what I do, here's how I'm gonna transform your life.
That can be $5 a day. But if you're trying to reach new audiences, new eyeballs and grow your email list, scale, outside of your website visitors, or your Instagram follower, that we probably would push up to like $20 A day like, let's invest some, some, some point behind that.
[8:15] VL: Okay, so we don't have to have a huge following, and even $20 A day like I can just get here, if you've ever been in advertising and marketing. $20 a day for an ad is like wait what?
HD: this is my proposal package it literally says this will be 10 times cheaper than a newsprint magazine. I'll see you can track everything like you know exactly where that leads came from where the form got filled out. Did it come from the ad, like it's, like, I love ads. You can see everything can track everything, and such as data geeks
VL: this is what's important, because like I always tell people, especially in my habit workshops like what gets measured is what gets moved, if you're not tracking it, then you don't know where you need to, to improve I was telling actually at a workshop today, and I was telling everyone that I have this new water bottle that lights up when I'm behind on my drinking right now. And we got like super nerdy about it.
WATER BOTTLE LINK: https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B08C1GKF7X/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=valerielavi01-20&creative=330641&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B08C1GKF7X&linkId=c7d636370750611c9e94c4d6f9ac0250
it has this app that you can download and every time you drink it records it on your phone via Bluetooth, and I was noticing that every Sunday, I wasn't, I wasn't reaching my goal, just on Sundays, it was like totally break my streak away. Why can I drink water on Sundays, and when I really, when I really thought about it I'm like well, on Sundays, I spend like I really have a slow morning or I drink my coffee forever like I drink it until it's cold, basically. And because of that, I'm not drinking water and then I'm like, oh my goodness, this is why but I would have never really noticed that unless I was tracking it and then like reviewing the data and the insights of my, my water.
And this is what's so valuable. I think about what you do is that there's this tangible piece of its data to show people like this is what, like this is the transformation that we made together.
[10:05] HD: Yeah, I love showing concrete numbers I love showing Hey, this customer dollar per email subscriber and then we'll go into your email campaigns and be like hey look this actually converted to a $350 sale, so that $2 You spent converted into a 350 sale. It's I my monthly like reporting days I'm like, nobody interrupts me, I'm doing my data deep dive here.
Yeah, it's just like it's so good to track and a lot of people, they they don't know what to track, or be they don't know that like, they look at Google Analytics or they look at the ads manager and they're just like, oh my gosh what are all these four numbers are.
VL: Yeah well, and I was saying before, like I'm really overwhelmed by all of the information like how, how do you set these up and then how do you read this is a different language so to have someone like you to really help you like translate all of it, and then help you kind of look through the data and say that these are the insights that's important and these are the insights that are not so important, or this is where we can improve and all of that data is so important for the client so okay we went through a couple of minutes. You don't have to have a huge following, you don't have to have a huge budget. You don't have to know what you're doing if you hire someone to help you.
Are there any other common myths about Facebook and Instagram ads that you like to bust?
HD: I think the biggest one is also people think, if they're not a huge brand like they see constantly like Hudson Bay's in their feet with ads apples in their feed with ads, they see all these huge brands and I think I'm really trying to reach the small businesses, the makers the creative, because we don't see their ads as much so other small businesses don't realize that potential for them you can run ads.
I think a lot of the time they really think, oh it's just for big brands, I don't have that kind of budget, or I don't have that.
Whatever the reason is, so I really am trying to reach small businesses and everyone can run ads on Facebook and Instagram.
[12:17] VL: Okay, so question though, do you have to have a business page on Instagram to run ads?
HD: Yes, if you want to run Instagram ads you would have to switch it to a business page. Okay. But, Instagram and Facebook love, I know some people are nervous about switching the business in case their reach falls are there, their organic reach falls, but Instagram and Facebook love people who spend money on their app. So we've found that as soon as you start spending money on app, even your non sponsored posts do better, because Facebook and Instagram will realize, oh, this person is paying their client val of ours, we're going to help them out with their organic posting as well.
VL: that's so interesting and really good to note because everyone's like this is my YouTube algorithm and blah blah blah. So it's like, I don't have time to learn how Instagram works and how it changes every two weeks like you can't we just can't we just do the things organically or naturally and I, you know what I think. This is what the app was designed to do, like, yes, in the beginning, everything was free and they didn't have these paid ads but come on, you know that this was like my main goal for Instagram and Facebook is to make money.
HD: Absolutely, yeah like sometimes people get upset and I'm like, free platform. They make money, like, what has to happen. So yeah, it's way better, I think rather than joining like engagement pods and all these like Instagram hacks to put $5 behind a wicked Instagram strategy for paid ads and your daily posts will fly
VL: I feel like the wheels are turning and I have a lot of ideas now, we'll have a look at working together soon. Awesome, so maybe I'll save those for later. Okay, excellent. So where do we start is, are there things that we need to do before we make an ad?
[14:17] HD: I would definitely say, we always okay so when I start with a client when I'm talking to a student, I always ask them if they're on Shopify or whatever websites they're on what's the conversion rate for their website. So if they don't have a very good conversion rate. Maybe the website isn't conversion rate meaning, how many people land on their website, versus how many sales they got. So if they don't have a very good conversion rate, then I say, okay, maybe you should look at your website and try to figure out how you can increase that conversion rate maybe your website that dated. Maybe it's 10 years old, so I really want people to have a strong already proven their business by having sales and a good conversion rate. So websites, the number one thing you look at. We also like people to have some sort of email funnel. If they're running to new audiences ads, because if they click on an ad, a prospect clicks on an ad, what happens, can't just send them to their website, we want to collect that data. So either through an email or a phone call like what's happening. I always ask the people what will happen to these leads we get from the ad, because a big part of my job is yes to get the lead from the ad but also what what happens afterwards I don't want them to fall off that was precious money.
So I really want to either we'll work with them to get a wicked follow up sequence, or we'll look at their current follow up sequence, and make sure have an automatic email saying hi, I'm bow. I love the podcast it's awesome. You should listen to whatever the follow up email is we look at, we make sure they have a strong follow up sequence. So website and follow up sequences kind of two number one thing.
[16:04] VL: this really is like a whole piece. I feel like there's an entire funnel slash process slash, making sure that we're like connecting the dots and checking off the boxes and, I mean, even for me like now like looking out looking nervous again, speaking about things that are things that I like to avoid in my business.
Okay. So, typically I talk about like offerings, later on in the episode but I really do want to break down I know you have like two main offerings. Well, maybe you can tell us about them. I feel like for someone like me. I need a little bit more hand holding like, I don't necessarily have times. I have other resources that I can give. But, timewise, I don't have that so I do need a little bit of hand holding for you to say like, make sure you check this box off. Okay, I'll do this part while you do that part and then it's like it's not as scary for me that way. So can you tell us a little bit more about your offerings and how, how we can involve with them.
HD: Yeah, for sure. So, two main offerings we have our monthly retainer clients.
So our other two offerings is agile a day so it's kind of like our VIP VIP service day. And then our five day live ads class, and the number one thing from the five days live ads class that students say is like oh you're literally holding my hand through this whole thing.
So our other two offerings is ADs in a day so it's kind of like our VIP VIP service day. And then our five day live ads class, and the number one thing from the five days live ads class that students say is like oh you're literally holding my hand through this whole thing.
So personalized to each person. And we literally go through and upload at the same time, and I say, oh, ignore that. Ignore that ignore that. Ignore that option button. So they really appreciate, there's so many buttons in the ads manager. And instead of overwhelming them with ads sequence funnels and, you know, retinas test. If you really just do a retargeting ad in the ads class, which is anyone that has an Instagram following, or website can run that type of ad, and then we do, how to grow your email list type of ad. So we keep it simple. They launch and learn those two types of ads, grow your email list and retarget your followers by acquisition makes a really great success.
And the other one I have is perfect for more.
The ads midday VIP service, it's for more brick and mortar, who are trying to pivot online, who have location based. They've maybe dabbled in ads a little bit before they're savvy in their other marketing ecosystems, and they just work quickly done up and running in a full day.
Yeah, so it takes seven hours and we get the two ads up and running in one full day me and my team do it to kind of options.
[19:28] VL: So great like are already I just feel the relief again, like I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now. I feel this relief like okay cool, this feels more manageable for me to do, where I don't really need to learn every single part of the lingo, I don't need to get overwhelmed with all of the options all the buttons and all the pop ups that might come up. And he really just like, it's like on the when you get like documents you have to sign and they have like the little tabs like sign here, initial here.
HD: I’m gonna use that in my marketing that's so good. Here you go. You just, we just inspire each.
VL: Well we have a lot of friends, we have a lot of mutual friends on Instagram and on Facebook, and they're our community is very much like entrepreneurs and creatives in women who have their own businesses. So I'm wondering if there's a way that I can support you, or can support our community when I see their ads on Instagram, like what do I do, even though like, maybe their service isn't really for me but I want to support them, how do I do that.
HD: I love that you asked that I always asked like close knit friends on my head just about as fast as I could you like it, comment on it because it works the same way, if people are as organic posting. If people are commenting on a sponsored post liking it, sharing it, of course, Facebook's gonna be like, Okay, I'm going to go show it to similar people to now, she just commented on this ad that means people who run Pilates studios or podcasts are probably going to like this ad I'm going to show it to more of them. So yeah, if you see a friend, or something you like, like that, comment and share it. A great way to be supportive.
[21:27] VL: Okay, that's really cool because I didn't, I didn't really know about it because sometimes you see these polls and you're like, Well, is this person gonna see my comments or not. But then I'm like, but I don't know what I'm doing and, yeah, sometimes I share like different products or different opportunities with people who I think would really benefit from it. And then, I'm trying to think of like it's been so long since I've read it. I feel like a little bit shamed right now but I know we're working together students so I don't feel as bad.
Okay. That's really incredible, so even if, like when the next time I see your ad up I'm gonna definitely share it and like it and save it. Does that affect the amount of money we've put in to run the app so like let's say we put in our minimum $5 a day, and then some other people shared it. Do I often not pay $6 a day because it's reaching more people?
[22:13] HD: No, so you put a cap on. So you would, you can put a daily budget or lifetime budget so let's say you had $250 You got a government from the grant. I mean, a government. You wanted to spend $250 In a week you can put a lifetime budget so Facebook could go and spend that lifetime budget over seven days, or you can put a daily budget of $5 so if it reaches $5 It stops.
But I love that you brought that up, don't click on someone's ad, unless you're serious. If it's a friend, because they do pay, sometimes per click. So, my comments. I try to get is sometimes we might be paying per click.
VL: Interesting. So there's a lot of different options, maybe like I feel like we shouldn't get into too many details today because this is, This is a lot of information,
HD: but it's like learning another language, the first day of my class, live five days, my students are like, I'm like, don't worry if for anyone that didn't know I just dropped my job to the desk, because it was a jaw drop.
VL: Okay, So are there any like little extra secrets that we should know about these things, like don't click your friends out of those are going to buy.
HD: I think if you do dabble in ads right now and you're running conversion ads or traffic ads start dabbling in Messenger chatbot ads. Because of this new I don't know if you've heard of it now the new iOS 14 update that's coming up. Apple has said that they're not going to allow it anymore.
So, yeah, it's gonna be a little harder to target exactly who we want for 50% of the people or 40% Whoever uses an iOS 14 fold. So, what Facebook is coming out is, let's use Facebook's platform more so start dabbling in Messenger chat bots, because they don't have to leave the app.
That'd be my suggestion, we're kind of trying it out with clients right now before iOS 14 rolls out in the summer. So if you're not dabbler. Try messenger chat bots for a little bit. Interesting.
[24:39] VL: I wonder how that's gonna change your, your teaching and everything like that.
HD: To see yes yeah yeah I'm gonna have to add that in as one of the, one of the strategies that may be allowed in this district days.
VL: So question for you there's sometimes I get ads and I'm like you I don't want to know about these things, why am I getting an ad for this, can I then, So then I choose like hide add, not for me. Whatever the option was it was just like, not relevant.
HD: What does that do from the businesses perspective, there's just stop running is that person or people like that person, it would probably, people like that person, But also you would stop seeing that ad, and it's actually really good for the business owner, because they're not wasting money showing you the ad. If you're not going to buy from them. Stop showing the ad to you right, that's been very helpful and considerate about what you do.
[25:32] VL: Sometimes, and then maybe I should. So interesting. I feel like this is like a secret world. I don't know anything about before learning that you should do.
HD: Yes, is I do this all the time, as a consumer running ads. If you go to like a big brand site, some small businesses are starting to do it and we do it with a lot of our clients. If you put something in your cart. I do this for contact, I put something in my cart, and leave it alone for two or three days I don't buy it. And then I get advertised here's 10% You left this in your cart. So if you're looking at something on Wayfair Amazon or, you know contacts or something, put it in your cart, wait a few days you'll probably get advertised and abandoned cart 10% off discount.
VL: Okay, so this actually leads to this so like this creeps me out when this happens because I'll put things on my Amazon cart and then they'll start being a go on Instagram and there's a carousel of everything in my car. Oh my god, the apps are talking to each other. The other thing is and this is probably a study on my phone, I do have an iPhone, but what we're talking about the other day Craig and I were talking about something random, like, like ice cream or something, and then it was getting ads for like listening to us. So, what is going on is that what they're kicking off on iOS 14.
HD: yes, so they're going to take off that they can no longer track your like Google searches or they can't track you with the Facebook tracking pixel, you'll be able to toggle it off, which is kind of silly for iOS users because then you'll start getting advertised like tattoos when really you were looking for a party for your daughter.
So I think it's in everyone's best interest to leave, you're still gonna get advertised to it just won't be targeted nicely to you. But, yeah, I think the phones are listening to even though Facebook repeatedly tells us, they're not.
It could be that someone who likes ice cream, also, like, Women Empowerment Podcast so that's how they found you.
I think their lives are definitely listening.
VL: Okay interesting but we can't confirm nor deny this.
So, okay well that's like, so I sometimes I have to say sometimes I kind of like that algorithm and the way that the ads work and the way that they drop these things because oftentimes, like it's now I don't, I don't want to advertise for things that I don't want to see, I want to get advertised for the things that I do want, even if I don't want to buy it.
Oh my goodness, it's so funny, but I feel like I buy I have on, I've had, I have purchased he's may have purchased things on Instagram before from a sponsored ad. And now, that's what kind of sucks I think because it almost makes me not want to be on that farm because I would just feel frustrated like why am I getting ads for baby diapers, I don't have a baby.
but only friends have babies, is that why I'm getting, you know what I mean like it's weird.
HD: Yeah, I would. Okay. Personally, I would keep the toggle on, but again I'm biased because I would want to find the iOS users through the audiences as an ads manager but I bought natural mascara, the other day off with an ad, I wanted to get a advertise stuff that I like. So I was I'm toggling mine on.
VL: You'll have to teach us that in like on Instagram stories or something.
HD: That’s a good idea.
VL: Yeah, I wanted to do, because it's so funny when we were when we were opening this the Pilates studio, my business partner and we want to find like very, we want to find like all black equipment so we want to like walk hand weights and booty bands and balls for the party studio. And when we, when we couldn't find it, we would go on our phones and just like Google, black, black booty bands, and then we would be like talking about funky black equipment black small equipment to pound it in black.
[29:59] HD: Yeah, oh it's so good. I love it. This panel just becomes my phone, I'll be like that. Advertising beautiful backpack.
Yeah, it's powerful, it's great. It can be great I think you except that we are in, it's a free app, if you expect that it's going to give you sponsored posts, use it for your damage, start talking to it, start hiding the ads you don't want to see training teachers show you ads that you want to see.
VL: Yeah, like liking and commenting and sharing the posts of things you want to see Absolutely. I think this is good advice for like any business as well with you and any customer. If you like someone, support them in any way that you can and yeah there are a lot of free ways to support people especially through social media, but, like, attend their workshops pay for their products, you know, sign up for their services do those things to support that person like I don't think people realize as a small business owner, you don't realize like, literally the happy dance I do when I get an email that says someone so purchased your workshop or like sign up for your workshop today and I'm like, I'm just so ecstatic to see that, so, so great. I mean even liking in the commenting in the sharing and like to see the insights and say hey, people actually care about what I'm saying, well guess what I'm going to talk about this more because you might get with the podcast episodes I look at the stats every week, and I say okay well these are the highest downloaded podcasts, so guess what I'm going to talk more about these topics I'm going to look for guests that can share more about this information like this is how this works, if you like it, share it, like message us on, on Instagram and tell us like what you loved about the episode, like let's continue this conversation so that we can make more and better content for you.
[31:52] HD: Yeah, well, really, it's the same with ads. It's so cool when you see, oh my god someone actually who I don't know who is my mom's friend's boss.
It's really, it's, it's awesome, and it's taking back control a little bit like I think people were a little bit frustrated with how Instagram over the last four or five years has really changed the algorithm and we don't see everyone's posts now and it's not chronological the theme, and so I think investing in ads, learning a little bit about a strong strategy really takes your power back in your business. And I think it's really powerful as, as is all business owners especially we don't have big budgets. So it gives us a little bit of a little bit more control.
[32:37] VL: Absolutely. Wow, this is, it's been interesting because like it's something that I wanted to do but again, like my hesitation is I just don't know where to start and I don't know where, like, I don't know. I don't even know how to do it like I wouldn't even know how do I physically go on Facebook drive on Instagram you don't answer this right now but I know you answer all of these things in your ad class and I don't want to get too deep into it where we're like, okay I just totally zoned out with, What the heck was that word but she said that I don't understand.
There's so much. I mean, we talked a lot about Facebook and Instagram and ads and all that kind of secret sauce, little things that we maybe didn't know I didn't know a lot of those things, but there's so much more to you that I would love to chat about, and one of the things that I really inspired by with you is want to call it like your lifestyle choice of being a working mom, so there's a mix of like stay at home moms and my family and working moms, My mother worked, and she's still working, she even went to school when I was 13. working teams so she was doing her graduate degree, and she was working full time, when we were Wow, yeah so it's something that like even when I was really young, I knew that I wanted to be working like I want to see like the like the options I guess you could say, as a kid I realized like, I don't want to be like my mom was she was looking into his learning and she was, you know, doing all of these things, and being a mom, I think.
I think that's really special. I think that's really cool. So can you tell us a little bit about that in your life.
HD: Yeah, I was just with our daughter, we have a 1.5 year old daughter and we just went together my husband so yeah, I know, Mom. My daughter's name is Hazel is 1.5 years old.
The decision, basically kind of when the pandemic broke out we had a nanny, part time. And, Kristin and I were both working, but when the pandemic hits the nanny couldn't come two days of the week anymore. So we kind of made the decision, it just made sense. My husband is at home with hazel, and I've been able to dive deep into my business and really grow it because I'm allowed the freedom of five days to really grow it. It's really interesting to be the main income provider as a female, and to have my husband with gender roles in western gender roles like he's a stay at home dad and I'm still working.
It's cool to see how Hazel will grow up not having those “normal” air quote gender roles.
VL: And so as as the kind of main breadwinner. And as a mom. Do you find that there are obstacles that we consider facing each day are like challenges that you have with that, how you overcome those challenges?
HD: Yeah, I have mom guilt. You mom parent guilt, whatever you want to call it, it, it's hard, it's still hard. I have with it all the time that you know if they're playing in the playroom and I hear them all day and I'm working away, and many people, You know when it's our special time in the evening, she'll cry cuz she wants her dad, my heart like if it splits into a million pieces. And I'm like oh am I doing the right thing and I always have discussions like oh look grass is always greener on the other side he's like you know I'm making this a sacrifice but like I'm staying home at Hazel like is this what's right for our family right now but I would also love to be on Zoom calls and networking, you know, working, so you know I think no matter if you're the stay at home parent, or whether you're working parents, you have always, I think just being a parent, you have to deal with it. And then what I have done is we every day at four o'clock. It's quitting time and I wake up early with her in the morning so I get time with her in the morning. At four o'clock I quit with her and we have our special traditions, I guess and I am the only one that puts her to bed. So we read books each night, we do bathtime paper to the big hit in our household.
So it's really special having just those things that people and I have together. And that's how we bond the night, I try to remind myself that providing an income for our families with different types of parenting. And still, a parent, different types. I don't know to hopefully get my guilt I guess. And I try to find traditions that people can have just the two of us, to help with the guilt but it never goes away, I cry a lot about it.
[37:25] VL: I think that's really special that you have that that transition when you finish work. Can you tell us a little bit more about the details of it, like what would, what does that ritual look like for you?
HD: We announced that we're, we have a little dance party we put on some Google Home, usually to Hell and Back, she is such a good dancer at one years old. Yeah well we will often go outside right at four o'clock, so that we can catch the light. And that's kind of our routine, and then we'll make popcorn Panther to special popcorn.
[38:14] VL: She’s so young too. so I can imagine the challenge of, you know like when she cries for dad or when, when he was like up near her in the background was there working from home too. Right. Yeah, but I think there's, like, a different way of supporting, like you said. So, whatever the choice is the lifestyle choices and the parents and I think what's really important is like to make time for Hazel and understand that what you're doing is actually supporting her in just different way than your husband is.
HD: I think it's important. You know I had Hazel and I work and support his family so that it is all about diesel progress right now so yeah I always try to put as much as I can.
VL: Oh you're so inspiring. I feel like I'm still not a mom yet but I think about it sometimes what I would do like, as long as I feel like I have this idea of the ideal mom thing that I like to be, and then every time I hear someone's story they're like, No, you're never ready. No, you're gonna do, you're gonna make mistakes you're gonna do the right things you're gonna do right, wrong things and yeah it's just like a fun, I guess it's like a fun journey and getting to know this like human being and supporting them in all the ways right. And I think it's important to have a partner who's supportive of you and like creating these boundaries. Right and like making sure that you're like, okay I have someone to hold me accountable to keep this this work life and family life boundaries.
HD: Yes, he is so good that he's really well he's also with hazel day so it's more of a like, it's a hard stop how to eat because I've been with hazel but yeah he's really really good at the boundaries.
It's a good balance, are really happy. She's just been so great and she's almost at 18 months and everyone said, best age, and oh my gosh 18 months is the best.
It's a good balance, are really happy. She's just been so great and she's almost at 18 months and everyone said, best age, and oh my gosh 18 months is the best.
VL: I love all of your content online and I just love how like you incorporate her into like your stories and your posts like this is so smart. There was one thing she was holding your phone and you're like you're in my office hours, I'm like, yes, yes, if she answers the phone when I call you.
My goodness. I love it. Okay, well I want to be mindful of your time because I know that you are strict with your time.
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Rapid Fire Round
- What are you currently reading? Or what is your favourite book?
HD: I am such an avid bookworm. Such a voracious reader. I am currently reading. Mr. Donna Hughes, new book she wrote room in the Wonder what's her new book The pull of the stars, it's getting a little too close to home because it's about a nursery in the 1918 flu pandemic, like roof, we're living 100 years later, so I'm currently reading.
BOOK: https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1443461784/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=valerielavi01-20&creative=330641&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1443461784&linkId=1cbea4fcb0d7696a4f0e0b4846988725
- What do you love most about being a woman?
HD: I kind of okay I guess because we've talked about. I like defining or not defining like I kind of okay I guess because we've talked about. I like defining or not defining like challenging people's expectations of what a woman is. So I love that. As much as I have mom guilt I love that I'm a working mom and it's not the norm. I kind of love, breaking stereotypes. So as a woman, there's a lot of stereotypes on us. And I like shattering those.
- What does Empowerment mean to you?
HD: Oh my gosh, this could mean so many things because empowerment to me. A lot of health, because I happen we didn't even touch on this but I had a double lung transplant in 2010. All empowered in my health, taking knowledge and science and I work hard at staying healthy a for Tristen Hazel and myself so empowerment and really empowering myself to be healthy.
VL: That's super important. If you like to have you back on for another episode. And, yeah, that sounds very intense. The fourth question I have for you is what are you currently working toward?
HD: It's kind of exciting, I'm in the process of hiring my first employees. So I'm working towards that I have some calls set up with the small business centers to really figure out exactly what I should be doing, like never hired someone before. I was excited for that next next level of nervousness about working towards.
www.valerielavignelife.com/123 for full show notes and resources!
[3:00] 1. Drink Warm Lemon Water
There are many benefits to drinking warm lemon water in the morning. Waking up and drinking water in the morning is one of the ways I love to start the day, and so do our bodies. It promotes hydration, especially after sleeping overnight with no water.
While drinking water on its own will improve digestion, adding the juice of half a lemon can also give your body a detox boost and lemon is a great source of vitamin C. Vitamin C in lemons has been shown to reduce skin wrinkling, dry skin aging, and sun damage. We’ll talk more about skin later on.
[5:04] 2. Eat More Leafy Greens
As the seasons change, so will the foods we eat. It’s time to stop eating the same foods you were in the winter, and start eating colourful salads!
I live in Ontario Canada and here’s what’s in season for March + April: Apples, Rhubarb, Beets, Cabbage, Carrots, Mushrooms, Red + Yellow Onions, Parsnips, Potatoes, Rutabaga, Squash, Sweet Potatoes
Fresh, Springy Salads with Seasonal Produce
Greens supplements:
Pineapple Mango
Peach Flavour
[7:45] 3. Be in Nature/Outside
As the weather warms up I feel more inclined to get outside and enjoy the season. That’s not to say we haven’t made time outside in the summer, but I personally prefer the warmer weather. The last few weeks it’s actually been quite beautiful where we live and we’ve been making the most of the sunshine!
You already know that there are heaps of benefits to being outside and out in nature. I can tell you right now that just from being outside more in the last couple weeks I’ve noticed a huge change in my mood, my weekly screen time report shows a significant decrease in the hours I’ve been spending on my phone or computer, and I’ve also been sleeping a lot better. Plus being outside is a great opportunity for us to PLAY! Which is the next healthy habit for spring...
[8:48] 4. Play
Run through the flowers, jump in the puddles, colour the sidewalks with chalk - we actually did this recently and it was a lot of fun! Play is really a habit I advocate for all year round, and honestly it’s so good for your mind, body and soul! Here are some of the benefits of play:
(Source)
- Keeps you feeling young and energetic
- Relieves stress
- Helps improve your relationship and connection to others
- Develops and improves your social skills - at every age
- Stimulates the mind and boosts creativity
- Can also support healing emotional wounds
- Improves brain function
[10:00] 5. Sweat Out Toxins
You’re getting outside more, you’re playing more, why not take things up a notch and SWEAT more too! Our sweat glands help our skin filter out toxins from the body. This has many benefits including boosting our immune system, regulating our body temperature, and eliminating toxins. Plus what’s a great way to start sweating? By moving your body!
[10:56] 6. Love Your Skin
There are a few ways we can love our skin, and this is the sixth healthy habit for spring! One of my most favourite habits is Dry Skin Brushing.
To do this you will need a natural bristle brush, I prefer one with a long handle so that I can reach behind by back easier.
Handle free one that is perfect for travelling.
When dry skin brushing you want to use the natural bristles to gently, and firmly brush the skin in long strokes toward the heart, going over each area 7-10 times. Start at the soles of the feet and work your way up. At the belly, brush in a clockwise motion, and avoid the face. Do this before showering.
Following your shower, love your skin by moisturizing your body and face with your favourite skincare products. I love doTERRA’s Verage Skincare Collection and their Moisturizing Body Mist
[13:54] 7. Breathe the Fresh Spring Air
Since you’re spending more time outside, why not take a few extra breaths of that fresh spring air. Can we all agree that breathing deep, full breaths of fresh air is very beneficial for our health, wellness, and immune system. Let’s take a deep breath together right now. First, inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. When you’re exhaling push out ALL the air you possibly can until there is no more left. Then take a bigger, fuller breath in through the nose, and fully release through the mouth.
[15:20] 8. Mindful Reset /Slow Down
Spring is a great time for detoxing from slow winters, but it’s also a great time to reset and refresh! Get in the habit of taking a mindful moment to enjoy deep breaths, reset your energy and slow down; take some time to stop and smell the flowers!
Season change and so do our own moods, cycles, and activities. It’s important to be mindful through changes and work through the flow - for some it will be easier than for others.
[16:50] 9. Practice Gratitude
A great way to slow down and really enjoy life is to practice gratitude.
E69: What 365 Days of Gratitude Taught Me
[19:08] 10. Better Quality Sleep
E117: Evening Transitions for Better Sleep
[20:55] 11. Spring Cleaning
Home, relationships, negative thoughts/limiting beliefs
- Declutter
- Deep clean your fridge
- Donate unworn clothes/home items
[22:27] 12. Gardening & Planting Seeds
Plant seedlings, get a house plant, connect with nature!
So maybe you don’t have the green thumb, no problem! Plant a different kind of seed: “plant” intentions. Remember there is lots of renewal energy in spring, lots of excitement to stat new projects
with Milica Dodic, for the full show notes and links mentioned in the episode, please visit www.valerielavignelife.com/milica
with Tara McCrory www.valerielavignelife.com/121
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[1:17] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the women's empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to introduce you to Tara McCrory Tara is a clarity coach and certified energy practitioner, she empowers the ready and willing to connect the dots to their own life and align to their intuition, so they may understand what it's like to live with true clarity and flow Tara's uniqueness lies in her use of the Akashic records. Human Design intuitive guidance and energy work to completely release blocks, limiting beliefs hindering patterns, and the non beneficial energies holding our clients back her ability to see true gently expose the shadows indicate to in a way that is easy to understand and highly resonant is one of her greatest gifts. Tara believes in the power of powerful questions, a beginner's mindset, and that everyone can receive the clarity they so rightfully deserve and are worthy of, they just have to ask.
Whoa, I get like these affirmation goosebumps when I read that, because I feel like what what's next like when I meet Tara and when I talk to Tara like what are we going to discover. Do you get that a lot?
Tara McCrory: I definitely get all the time well how did you know this? And the short answer is, I don't know how I knew to ask that. I just knew to ask it, and I just let it come to me and so when I talk about beginner's mindset and when I say the power of questions What I mean is the power of asking yourself, simplified question. I always tell people, okay this is simple it's yes or no.
Yes or No. Are you grounded. Are you 100% grounded and people can accept the response as their own versus.
Why should they accept the response as their guidance as their clarity, versus. I don't know, am I grounded, I'm like, it's a yes or no question, you're going to get a yes or you're going to get a no and it really helps people, myself included, move through that aspect of like, Is this my intuition is it's not my intuition, am I overthinking it because as soon as I ask someone a question and it's a yes or no question and they start to go.
Well maybe I'm like that's not your guidance, that's you trying to formulate a response so yeah part of it is understanding the next step and what to ask ourselves in that clarity and part of it is just like being in receptive mode of okay rapidfire yes or no, is this is this true for me, that's a big one that I keep asking people right now. Is this true for you, yes or no is this 100% true for you. Yes or no. I'm talking about discernment is this 100% true for you, yes or no. So, yeah, you just you just have to ask, is really a stumbling block for a lot of people, myself included.
[4:51] VL: Yeah, you're saying this and I'm thinking, Okay, big, big nods and nodding along are definitely in agreeance with this, I feel this. I'm definitely one of those people who I find that I'm trying to think of a logical way, or I'll ask the question and then answer it like okay, if yes, this is what's going to happen if nope this is what's going to happen. And I tried to kind of formulate the answer this way, but I'm also someone who who I really want to tap into that intuition more and I encourage people to do the same. So maybe we'll start with how we can ask those powerful questions like how. where do we start with all of that. If we're just like so much in our heads and trying to figure things out.
TM: That's such a good question, and my, I do this every single day so what I'm going to share with you guys today are things that I do for myself every single day.
Here's the thing, I start by learning how to muscle, which is what empowered me to dive down the route of yes or no question. I use a pendulum, all the time, a pendulum simply is.
You can have an F plus on a string button on a string. Basically I use it as a calibration or a antenna to, to read my energy. But when you don't know where to start this is what I suggest to people is that take five or six deep breaths.
Write down everything you can possibly imagine. Just do a humongous brain dump in bullet point form on a piece of paper. And then what I tell people is to number it, and to take a couple deep breaths and ask for the number so just say you have one through 10.
Great. Take a deep breath. What number do you want me to focus on this is what I say is I'm always like Okay guys, what number do you want me to focus on six. Okay cool six. Then I go to look at six, and I say, actually so six on my list is guided by guides, I mean, ebooks and stuff because people have been asking a lot of questions so we'll use this as a perfect example. Number six, they want to talk to me about number six guides. Okay, we'll actually use the whole terminology of your spirit guides grayed out. So, yes or no. Do you want me to assign you a name.
Because I will tell you it's actually a lot easier to connect to your intuition. If you assign or talk to your guides, as if they're like, Hey Val Hey Tara. So are you okay with me assigning a name to yes or no. Yes. Cool.
Allow the name to come to you. If they're like, no. Awesome, what's the next step. Do you want to give me your name that, yes. Cool.
What's the next step, I would actually write down the alphabet, in a little kind of crazy chart, and I would start to figure out what their name is or I would just say, hey, awesome. Next slide. Can you give me your name. Ash, I'm getting ash. Okay, so maybe one of youse guyses ash. Cool.
That's how I use yes or no questions on an everyday basis, you have a long to do list. Put your to do list down brain dump it out the numbers. Where do you want me to start yes or no is that 100% Yes, I will also give you that as a hot tip. Always ask if it's 100%. Because value or like, if this is a yes then this happens and you're creating this crazy decision tree, and it actually will simplify once you say, I'm looking for what is 100%. Yes, because technically speaking, we know that yes this 51%. In all honesty 51% is not a good enough, yes for me I don't want to be actioning guidance from my intuition if it's like a. Maybe there's 51% I want guidance on 100% I want to action and move forward with 100% clarity so I always ask, Is this 100% Yeah.
[9:08] VL: Whoa, I just we just had an episode called mastering your to do list and I'm like scrap it. We need to re, we need to reduce it.
Would you do like an intuitive intuitive mastering your to do list bonus episode, I love that that is really cool I cannot wait to try this because I do often have a very long to do list but I also. So I know you work with human designs I'm a manifesting generator, and what I'm wondering about that is that I need to be in touch with my sacral and to respond right so it's cool because I'm learning that the yes or no questions are actually really important to someone like me, when we need to respond. We just need to know yes or no. This or that to count complications.
TM: 100%, it's so interesting because in humans that I'm a projector I do not have a sacral response.
But what I will say is because the majority that I have met and worked with are either projectors because they want to learn how to live in their projector or our generators and manifesting generators as a large part of the population. Yes guys operate through yes or no questions already, and then the rest of us can in fact train ourselves to operate through yes and no question. So, by that I mean, I don't have the secret response I really don't have a gut response and that's actually what led me partially down this journey is that when people like me have this gut feeling and I'm like, something that's wrong with me because I don't have this. I don't know what you're talking about like I don't have this gut feeling.
But as time went on and I asked myself okay. I don't have a gut feeling show me what a yes feels like in my body and what it feels like in my body. Those became really big game changers for me. I yes actually feels like my ears are popping a no actually feel like I guess this kind of like wildly uncomfortable but hit at the top of my throat. So, I now no yes I know what that feels like. Or, I started by body swinging that's another way of muscle testing, I could use a visual yes or no. In terms of my pendulum so I started to train myself to find my yeses and noes, and then once I started doing that and I became really curious with the question.
I like the word you use over complicating it and then now simplifying it so the yeses and noes totally simplify things. It's, it's a way to tap into your guides into your intuition access your own Akashic reference for example I use that all the time to just gain the clarity that you need when I say that I'm clarity coaching I'm literally guiding you to okay here's, here's five other questions you may not have thought about asking yourself why don't you try these. And people are like, Whoa, I didn't think of asking that. So, it is we have this tendency through our mind, our logical mind to want to overcomplicate things. But when we bring it back down to simplifications and yes or no questions.
It's, it's game changing so I'm super happy that you are a manifesting generator and a compare your yeses and noes, and be as a manifesting generator you're supposed to be doing a lot of things at once, like that's part of your like your multitasking extraordinare so when you have your massive to do list, and you can ask Okay, this and this, or this, you know, you may actually get to em for Okay cool. So you can maybe listen to a podcast and be. I don't know, creating whatever spreadsheet or cleaning, for example, but it gives you guidance on how you're going to operate that.
[13:20] VL: Yeah, I really, I really liked what you said about, even if you don't have that gut feeling that you can ask yourself What does a yes or no feel like in your body, and this is something that I've taught before and I call it my IGA s or like my intuitive guidance system. And, and it's just that's it's simply asking the question What does yes feel like, What does no feel like and that actually changed so much within me because this was way before I even knew anything about human design this was way before I was like, focusing on my sacral and it was very much a gut feeling but also a heart space feeling for me too. It felt like the know was like a very constricted like kind of like it was holding me back like whoa, and then the yes was more open I almost set up a little taller. So that was my experience with that.
And yes, I'm definitely a multitasker. So I resonate a lot with with that Human Design profile. You did mention Akashic records and. But I before I, before we just get into that I did have one more question with as a clarity coach Do you find that when you start to encourage people to ask more questions, do you find people are getting overwhelmed with all of the questions they're asking like, I know you said like one to 10 in your to do list and then you write down like abcdefg for figuring out what your guides name is can we get too overwhelmed and can we get like too deep into it, and if yes then how do we pull ourselves back?
TM: Yeah, that's a good question. Absolutely. I think you can get too deep into it. Because we start to let me say acknowledge how fun it is all of a sudden, get into things.
And I'll have people reach out to me and be like, okay, so I know my guy. And now we want to know what their purpose is, I'm like, Okay, cool. So go back to the basic principles of like, write down every single topic you can think of, and then. Now, typically speaking, the people that are coming to me in terms of where they're at and where they want clarity is on a very specific topic and what I like to tell people is, it's the concept of chunking up like go as high as you can, with the vision and as sort of Up in the sky as you can and then ask questions there and go down and go down and go down you can drill, it's drilling down so what most people in fact have difficulty in is getting to the most chunked up place. So if I can help you get to the most chunked up place, then you can begin to start to drill down on your own. Now, I also believe, obviously, and a couple of things that are going to help people understand the whole concept and really understand how their inner guidance system, like you say is speaking to them and one of those ways is obviously through powerful yes or no question.
And through powerful yes or no questions, I first of all always lead my clients to Are you energetically software is all of the energy that you're carrying when you're feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and all of these other things, is it in fact yours, or are you carrying it.
For others, for the collective, did you pick it up, because you walked into a room that was really good, and all of a sudden.
One of my favorite terms is, I'm an empath I get that all the time for people I'm an empath and I'm like, I love that you're an empath. And to that I am going to say, I really would love for you to be an empath in recovery and just be a super compassionate person. Meaning, you don't need to take it on you understand that you're not here to take it on, you don't in fact take it on. But you meet people where they are, you can show them empathy and compassion, but you also understand that their vibe is their vibe, and you In fact, do not need to be the sponge. So it is through that that I think really helps people and then it also helps them from going down the rabbit hole because we go down the rabbit hole and we're super overwhelmed we're taking on all of these other energies because these energies.
They think like us they act like us they make us think that we are one when in fact, we're not as yours over there and I'm just going to return to sender with love. And then I'm going to go and I'm going to go on ask myself, my own questions so you can you absolutely can. And the first thing I would tell people is like, you know, check your energy isn't 100% yours. If you get a no go back to basics. Take your energy, your own and Daniel have a totally different experience.
[18:22] VL: Yeah, I, I know a lot of people who identify as empaths and I too can be very empathetic, but I find that it's been years of creating these energetic boundaries and really be able to being able to hold space because I think my, my, my journey of service and helping people really started when I became a yoga teacher, and I was noticing that people were, you know, you're coming to come to yoga with baggage sometimes I get it, that was part of my practice too It was like okay let it go on your mat, but as a teacher and being surrounded by so many people bringing their stuff into class, you really have to say like, this is mine. And this is yours. And I'm holding the space for you, but I'm not taking this on for you. And it's like, I also work with essential oils and I tell people like this oil is not going to save you, or cure your whatever's going on, it's going to support you in healing and processing, this so that I really liked that you said, you know, now you're going to, you're going to become this compact very compassionate person without having to, to feel and take on those things.
[19:46] TM: Yeah, that's huge. For a lot of empathetic people. Yeah. and you said something that was really important there was your energy boundaries and it's something that I talk about all the time is energetic boundaries, I'm like okay so let's check your energetic boundaries and people are like, way. And the way I like to describe it to people is like hold on a surgeon would put on gloves, before surgery. That is for the surgeons protection and the patient's protection. Anyone in healthcare would do the same. They put on gloves, so why would you not put on your glove. For your own protection and their protection and then people kind of go, what and one of the things that I often work with people as I say okay so let's, let's see how many energetic boundaries, how many gloves, should you be wearing. So, in this case, I hope you don't mind, well I'm going to check how many boundaries, you should be wearing so Val should have 12 energy gloves and I'll explain a little bit about what that means. So if you think of each one as its own unique color white and red whatever when you have strong energetic boundaries you have white, you have red, you have blue, you have, but when they are pierced by taking on other people's energy or even social media for example or they become pink and that's when we become very overwhelmed. That's when we have a lot of other people's energy mixing in with us because there's there's holes in it, and it's it's a rainbow versus solid colors, so you should have 12, and you in fact do have as well.
Yeah, which is amazing. I love to give people tangible things like that like okay let's ask yourself for a number of years how we asked for a number, because when people can start to sort of assign numbers or gain. Simple numbers tangible, in my opinion, to energetic things that are completely unseen. It helps them connect those dots for themselves so energetic boundaries are so important. It helps you maintain your connection to solve, maintain your connection to your intuition, it helps you stay grounded and in your body, and it really helps you be in the most magnificent place of service. Because I can be an empath in service and then be completely fatigued and completely exhausted and not know what I'm doing, or I can be empathetic, compassionate in my place of service which is exactly where you know you're saying you're doing and when you when you started your journey as a yoga instructor lady, holding this space it's really hard to hold space. Response just like taking it all in from each other.
[22:52] VL: Yeah, I like that analogy of the gloves, and then I almost think about how when I leave certain spaces or classes or whatever, relationships, I almost, I like the idea of like taking off the glass, and just. Okay, that was good, you know, we don't need to do. We created that boundary that safety for both of us. And now we can move forward. Yes. Yeah. Oh good, I'm gonna use that. There's so many things to do today. So many things to try!
Okay, let's jump into Akashic records because you've mentioned it a couple times I mentioned it when I read your bio, what are Akashic Records? Loaded question!?
[23:41] TM: In the most simplest form, the Akashic records are a realm. And by realm. I mean, it's a energetic considered a library. The best analogy I have ever come up with and one that I say, often is consider Kashuk records. Google for the spiritual world. That is the best way to describe it.
And so, you know, obviously with Google, if you put into the Google bar, red car, you will get 3000 pages of images and information on red cars, but if you put into the Google spacebar and read Pre Owned Volkswagens 2015 to 2018, you will get a totally different response.
Similar to the Akashic Records. This is why I tell people break it down into powerful questions when you ask yourself powerful questions. You get powerful answers. Now, the catalog records is essentially where because it's an ever living library, spiritual RAM and Google were like your intuition is getting its guidance, its first versus feeding you. Your next step. So, although I have practiced really hard to access to records. What I say is like everybody's already accessing their records, through their intuition. You know, you are talking your intuition you're talking to your guys you're following your guidance, you're standing in the lobby. And when you're like hey, I want to go on the record, they're like, Sure, come on over the elevator lobby, and that's where you go and then you're like, hey, actually, I've been considering this business idea and I really want to know x y and z about it. Cool, let's take you to this massive crazy skyscraper floor where there's going to be all of these resources and all of these ideas for you and that's sort of how it works and that's why I tell people like I'm already in it it's a matter of intention it's a matter of asking different questions is, it's really a matter of, you need to broadening your perspective, a little bit. Sure. A lot of people come to me and they want to know. Half Life things. Great. There's a lot of information about past lives in the Akashic records.
One person actually asked me on the weekend. Well, I want to book an akashic records meeting for my business but why would I need that and I was like, Well, hold on a second. Think of it this way, your business holds and energy, your business.
And you are tied together energetically so if you're one book in the records. Your business is another book, we go in and we read the energies, between the two, we go and we ask, you know, perhaps you've had a past life or something. Um, trust me guys we all have things, but perhaps, perhaps you, what are the things that comes out a lot right now for me is that people have had taken vows or contracts and past lives to be healers. And although that is not a bad thing. When they took them originally they these 1000s of contracts have more energetically and are now hindering their experience as a healer versus, helping them Excel.
Poverty contracts of poverty for example vows of poverty we've all taken them at some point in our many incarnations many lives. And it's a matter of sometimes going in and finding the end, I like to call it the inception point like so the very first time you ever decided that it would be a good idea to say like that I don't need money for this, and then therefore, carry this kind of potential frequency of scarcity or lack or even not accepting money for your services kind of thing that is still to this day, affecting us, so I basically use it all the time to figure out what's in my highest and best. And when I'm guiding people to ask yes or no questions essentially I'm just guiding you to go in and through the records how to do that.
And I, I love it, like I do clearings through it I do activations through it all my manifestations, through it. It's the place where I personally feel most connected. And this is the place where I truly want everyone to feel that deep connection and, be it you call it to the Akashic records, or you call it to your higher self, or you call it to your ancestors. It's your preference that's your lens, that's okay. It's more so the concept of how do you get there to feel that deep connection to understand it and to most importantly, be able to action it with confidence.
[28:50] VL: I've never wanted to visit a library more! I'm like wow that sounds so fun this sounds like an adventure. You did mention asking powerful questions, can you give us some examples of what those powerful questions might be when we start to tap into or visit that Akashic Record library.
TM: So here's some basic powerful questions that people oftentimes are like, I will start people with asking if your souls 100% of your body.
I know that sounds like a little bit of a strange question and people are like, what do you mean of course it's 100, like I'm breathing. And that comes out all the time. And I'm like, yeah but you know at the end of the day when we're dreaming, or we're sleeping or we're daydreaming. We're going to these other places, and having your soul 100% your body really helps you discern the messages that you get. The other thing that I asked. And I tell people ask is asking for 100% grounded, because we actually need to be 100% grounded to discern the messages they need to come through, hit the ground, come back up and they because essentially we're building a lexicon. We are, we are building our translation service with source with the records with our guide. And so if you're not grounded it's really hard to build that translation service.
So when I go into the record, simple questions that I get people that are powerful that I asked people to ask themselves are, are there any non beneficial energies in my space, or in my environment that need to be cleared, or dealt with.
Is there anything I can do to move the needle on whatever topic.
So those are the types of powerful questions. Another powerful question that I people underestimate is I will say to them, ask. Have you misinterpreted anything?
That's powerful. Perhaps your guides have been trying to get you to go left but you're just, I don't know you're just not maybe not understanding it and you keep going right.
Another thing I get them to ask is, have I missed any breadcrumbs? Because people often come in, they're like well I don't know the next step because, and they're they're in a tizzy and fury but we have to recognize that. Even me if I go into your record or my own records, I don't see this long winded drawn out path in front of me and being like, Oh my gosh, so golden. I might see two feet ahead, and I have the freewill choice to take those steps. I have to exercise my own discernment to take those steps, and then when I take a step forward. Boom. The next sort of yellow brick on the yellow brick road shows up and so powerful questions can start really simply by have I misinterpreted anything. I have I missed a breadcrumb. Am I misunderstanding anything. Is there anything that I'm missing. That is a huge one because sometimes we don't have all the information but we're trying to make this well rounded decision for ourselves. And it's like, actually hold on, you need to go and access, like, go work within this space, and we're gonna feed you a couple more ingredients in a few days. So, those are powerful questions that people under asked me on a regular basis.
[32:43] VL: Yeah, that's really interesting I don't think I've asked myself any of those questions before maybe the grounding one, which I was like no partner or no need to grab, like immediately put my feet on the floor.
But that is so interesting so when we're asking those powerful questions are, is that how we're accessing the Akashic Records is that where we do that.
TM: That's a good question. There's a lot of ways to access the Akashic records, and I'm just going to say that with everything I believe it's never one size fits all right so you may. Here's an example like I started taking a course, a day course, and then I read books by Linda Howe who's very proficient and like has profound access to the records and she has a pathway prayer. And so a lot of people will use the prayer I do believe that there is a lot of benefit in setting up a prayer intention. So the way I do it is I set an intention, I create a sacred container for myself, whoever I'm reading for. And so I have developed my own process. And this is why I tell people like you really have to try the tools and create. Consider the tools you know flour and sugar and salt and baking soda for cake and then you have to mix your own recipe that works best for you.
And I tell people all the time like again you're already there, it's that intention of going deeper and asking yourself different questions that, and I wouldn't even say different questions, if you're already asking yourself these questions and then all of a sudden, you're like hey I want to go into records, my friend did this actually she's like I've been listening to you all the time to talk about the record so I just told my guys like I want to go on the record, and I asked myself the same three questions and she's like, but what I experienced was the energy felt different. The responses came through with clarity, my yeses and noes were like, more punchy. So that's what I mean by that I do teach people how to access it I do make sure people through the record, and I do it one on one, because of this reason because I want you to find your way to do it. I want you to a find your way to access and be puncher there. I'm here to help you build your lexicon and your translation service but we are two unique souls my translation service is not the same as your translation service so I'm here to guide you to say okay. All right, so here's a great example of one of my mentorship students was reading my records and said I see brownie. I'm like, cool, love brownies. But what does that mean, does that mean comfort food does that mean because brownies to me is like, I love baked goods. That would be totally self care for me so I have to exactly kind of prompt her to What does brownies mean for you, so that you can help me understand that and then when you get there and you build that lexicon so now she knows if she sees brownies. It's a form of just doing something for yourself it's like I am numbing and self care at the same time like cool. The fact that I always talked about recipes in the end she was like, Oh, it's a recipe we have to put these things together. Got it. So, yeah, that's really how I kind of try to explain it to people that you do have access. You get to practice it and you get to feel the difference, and then understand what comes next understand the translation something.
[36:52] VL: I'm really glad you mentioned that because I am a Reiki practitioner as well and I, a long time ago I was really into dream interpretation, and, you know, I had a few books where I would look up what the different meanings were but one of the practitioners that I was working with, she was really encouraging me to create my own legit. Like that's great that the books as, you know, and orange and an apple on a couch mean this but what does it mean to you and me you know now I don't even look at those those books and those glossaries for dream journals because I think about okay well how did I feel and what did that mean for me and you know because I have a friend who hates snakes, but I really like snakes, so when I see a snake in a dream or in a reading or in a meditation. I think of that as like a really powerful energetic strength, and she like runs for the hills, because you're like, no, that's dangerous, that's a that's a no mine's like okay yes follow this, so I'm really glad that you mentioned that in kind of, you know, using the tools that everyone has to make their own recipe, whether it's cookies or brownies or cakes or however it comes out for us it's still, it's still the finished product is still the baked good. So, yeah. And like throughout this whole conversation I just, I'm there like I'm in the CN Tower library and I'm eating this brownie and I just feel like you really bring it into this tangible practical way which is huge on the show people love listeners love that kind of thing. So, yeah, this has been, this has been really great. You've touched on it a little bit. However, I did want to ask why it's so important to or why the Akashic records are so important to us.
TM: They are the endless possibilities, they that's it the energetic library you may have heard it before it can be referenced as the book of life. It is honestly, so important because it's a place that holds all possibility.
So, we're always searching for answers or possibilities and I love it when people say like the answer is within you. Yeah, it is. It really is. It is unlocking that it is unlocking that and so when you can unlock the door to that library.
And I mean hey I'm of the of the, the era when we had the Dewey Decimal System at the library so I know what it meant to go in elementary school and like to actually go through, you know all the little papers to find okay this book is. And when I do readings for people. I will say to them okay if I go quiet, it's actually because it's like a Dewey Decimal System in my head.
Stop there ask this question to bootstrap there ask the question. And so that's the power of the records, the power of the record is really getting you to unlock that place of inner knowing with confidence. Yes, there are some foundational principles to put in it around that but everyone can access it and when they do and they can, there is this deep level of discernment that all of a sudden shows up and you're like wow I can actually really sit here and say, This is true for me, this is my truth, this is, you know, I feel confident in the way these answers and guidance, and my inner GPS is working so it's like the coolest library. And essentially, everyone is always accessing it, they just don't really ever maybe know that that's your intuition.
[40:58] VL: That's really cool. I never thought of it that way either. But now that you've said, I feel like this was part This has been part of my meditation practice for a long time.
TM: Yes. No. That is a good point. It has been part of your meditation practice for a long time because when we're sitting there we're like, Where's this coming from. It's coming from that realm, it's, it's, it's an energetic faith. And, you know, when you get responses and meditation actually I tell people this all the time, people say to me, oh you know I can't meditate, I'm gonna fall on it be honest, I don't meditate that much anymore because I just feel that connection that I have through meditation in other aspects. When I'm super overwhelmed. I will get back into meditation. But I will tell people, hey, ask yourself a question before you go into meditation, and it is quite game changing because what you're doing is you're actually accessing yes the record you're actually accessing source in your guide.
But then you have guidance, because when people tell me oh yeah well I did the meditation and I'm like great what came through what. Well, there's like a little bit of that and, well, if you don't go in and ask a question and you get all of these basically puzzle pieces that you don't know how they go together. It's because of that.
Set your, that's what people say set your intention that's why you will say as a yoga instructor Okay Is that your intention. That's exactly what you have to do is that your intention. So it's the same in the record set your intention your intention is what, what are you curious so what do you want to know about what guidance, do you want to know about and what you don't get an answer for what I tell people is to go back and ask, is that you're not going to tell me right now, because sometimes we don't get an answer and then we get you be discouraged, huh.
[43:00] VL: Yeah. Okay, this is, this is very interesting, and I you know what it's something that I, I, again and again I will always repeat this set the intention for whatever it is the practice for your meditation for your business or. Yeah, literally anything that started with intention start your day with intention, that's what I do every single morning.
So something that I wanted to ask was, is there anything that hasn't been said today that maybe I don't, because I don't know so much about the Akashic Records maybe I haven't asked it. Is there anything else about this topic that you want to share?
TM: Oh, that's a good question. Honestly, we've shared so far I've shared so much about it. And for me, I just really want everyone to feel that place of love and peace and confidence that can come from accessing that part of you that reaches into the records is really what it is. So, yes, it's a realm and yes you can read all these kinds of things about it and you can read people say that you know you need to do this, this and this to get into it and you need to, like, I'm the number one person that would like. The fact of the matter is that there are no secrets, there are no number one, there are everybody can access it, get in game the information. It's really about finding the tools and techniques that work for you.
And to consistently practice this is this is a practice spiritual practice development skill that we get to develop and when you kind of devote some time to it. I will say it's probably the greatest act of self care and self love you can ever give to yourself because it's not deep assurance that you can lean on yourself.
[48:18] VL: Yeah, as you're, as you're describing it, I like I just keep feeling and seeing the words confidence, and clarity, and it's like a very deep rooted like self confidence and clarity and self and it's cool to be able to almost like you're, you're unlocking this space but you're also. You're also embodying this empowerment within you.
Well this has been a really fascinating conversation. This is so great, it's very different from some of the other guests we've had, and a lot of new tools and techniques that you've shared so I really appreciate you taking the time to to chat with me today. Thank you so much. I'm so happy that we connected and to be here. Absolutely. Me too. So I do have a final segment that I call the rapid fire round, but before we get into that, I wanted you to share, where we can follow you where we can find you and how we can support your business?
Tara McCrory
WEBSITE | https://www.tarabmccrory.com
INSTAGRAM | @tara_mccrory
Book a call HERE
[48:05] RAPID FIRE ROUND
What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?
Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman
The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield
What do you love most about being a woman?
TM: My body being in my body being empowered in my body. The movement of my body I know everything about me.
What does “empowerment” mean to you?
TM: It's a great question. Empowerment means to me is to really be confident and at ease, and at one with who you are, where you go in knowing yourself. Empowerment truly for me, energetically sovereign and connected to my deepest sense of being.
What are you currently working toward?
TM: I know that I'm really here to guide people, and having left a very conventional corporate world and started something completely different. I'm really here to guide and show people how to connect in and do that for themselves, and that is what I work towards. Every single day
www.valerielavignelife.com/120 for the full show notes and links.
[00:07] This week’s sponsor of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast is my Healthy Habits Workshop. These are monthly themed workshops that help you go from overwhelm to clarity so you can build healthy lifestyle and essential oil habits and find the routine that works best for you. Each workshop is live, virtual and on the first wednesday of every month.
I am Valerie LaVigne, your Habit Mentor, and I’m on a mission to help you make healthy habits, keep those promises to yourself, and change your life one small change at a time. If you’re interested in learning more, visit https://www.valerielavignelife.com/workshops today.
PART ONE: Questions You’ve asked ME
[3:22] LAURA: How do you keep yourself motivated to keep up with all your routines?
Habit Tracker (download my free Habit Tracker Guide!)
Schedule you habits/goals into your calendar
Get an accountability buddy
Hire a coach/mentor (check out my Mentorship Program here!)
Set milestone prizes/gifts
Have a healthy competition with friends
Share goals + progress to socials
[8:40] KAYLIE: What are your top 3 self-improvement book suggestions?
The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor
Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza
[11:57] CANDICE: What is your proudest accomplishment?
Buying Exhale Pilates in 2020! www.exhalepilates.ca, instagram @exhalepilates
[16:47] CANDICE: An instance/period of time that you thought was rough but ended up being a blessing and helped guide you to the right path/an important change?
2009: Getting mono and leaving university
Episode 58: Speak Your Truth with the Throat Chakra
2013: Getting fired from my first yoga job
2016: That time quit my full time teaching gig, left my family, and partner, and I bought a one-way ticket to Guatemala - I had no idea what I was doing and there were some tough times along the trip and during those times it really didn’t make sense to me why I was there
2020: The Pandemic
[23:38] PART TWO: Questions for YOU!
- Are my current habits and goals aligned with my long-term goals?
- Are my mental and physical health a priority?
- Am I surrounded by supportive and empowering people?
- Am I getting out of my comfort zone enough?
- What am I afraid of? Why do I think I’m afraid of it?
- Am I making enough time for play, fun, love, and/or peace?
Ask your questions here and I will answer them in the podcast and/or on instagram @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/119 for links, show notes, and more!
[1:19] Hi there, welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast, I am so incredibly grateful for you. It’s been an absolute pleasure these last 100 plus episodes to create and teach and build the show, but it’s YOU that makes this all possible. It’s YOU listening, downloading, subscribing, and sharing the show that supports the growth and the mission of this podcast: to empower women and people all over the world to elevate their health, wealth and happiness.
As our community and audience grows, so do our opportunities. To share and hear more stories, to partner with like-minded companies and sponsorships - and whatever else the abundant future holds! It is all so very exciting to expand!
[2:08] In today’s episode we are going deep under some pretty intense emotional, spiritual, and mental layers: we’re talking all about FORGIVENESS.
The Aquarius in me wants to joke every time I hear the word forgiveness, I think of Anna Ferris in Just Friends when she writes a song about forgiveness and says that “it’s more than saying sorry” It’s a super goofy song she writes, but it’s also very true. Forgiveness is A LOT more than an apology, and today we can unpack it together.
[2:47] Let’s take a moment to tune inward. If it’s possible for you to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, becoming more present in the moment. Place a hand on your belly and a hand on your heart centre. As you breathe here in this space I want you to think about the word forgiveness.
You can imagine that it is spelled out in front of you, or visualize yourself writing it down in your mind. As you breathe into this word, notice how your body feels, what other feelings, thoughts, words, or pictures may come to you.
There are no right or wrong answers to this exercise.
Take a few more breaths, connecting to the word, and the sensations you might be experiencing. If you aren’t noticing anything, this might be an exercise to do for a little longer. You can pause the episode and continue or come back to this mindful space later in your day.
Now right down, or record what you experienced.
Perhaps you thought about someone you need to forgive. Maybe that person is you?
Maybe you envisioned a past experience where you forgave someone, or someone forgave you?
Or maybe you felt pain from a past hurt/situation.
And perhaps it was something completely different.
In his book Spiritually Sassy, Sah D’Simone, says “Forgiveness is something you will be carrying around in your spiritual fanny pack.”
Which means, forgiveness is ongoing, and can be part of our spiritual growth and practice.
[4:33] Before we talk about how we can forgive, I feel it’s important to outline what forgiveness is and is not…
Forgiveness is not effortless.
Forgiveness is often a process. A process that requires uncovering emotions, remembering situations, and deep healing.
Forgiveness is not forgetting our past.
It can be revisiting traumatic or hurtful events before learning to release them.
Forgiveness is not giving permission to ourselves or others to cause pain.
Forgiveness is not saying what happened is “okay” or is “allowed” but rather acknowledging what the specific situation has brought up for us. How can we grow and find peace and healing to move forward in a new and more intelligent way. How can we improve and do better the next time.
Forgiveness is not numbing our feelings.
Sometimes forgiveness is being right in our feelings. Holding ourselves in the overwhelming emotional waters so to speak.
Forgiveness is not avoiding the spiritual and emotional work.
It’s DOING the work. All of it.
Forgiveness is not toxic positivity
It’s not sugar-coating or replacing something with rainbows and butterflies. It’s recognizing that spirituality is more than love and light. It’s also darkness and pain. It’s about feeling, understanding, connecting and also detaching.
As you listened to those points, take note of which ones resonated most with you. What can you relate to? What does forgiveness mean to you?
Throughout this episode I will share different forgiveness rituals. They are all unique and will require different tools, amounts of time, and be helpful for different people and situations. These are meant to be suggestions and opportunities for you to try/do something new. As you learn more, notice which ones you are drawn to.
[7:04] ONE: FORGIVENESS MEDITATION
Come to a comfortable seated position. Close your eyes and visualize yourself seated on a soft cushion, in a light and bright room. Take several deep breaths, feeling a sense of calm, quiet, and stillness within you.
Now imagine the person you want to forgive, this could be yourself. Visualize that person entering the room and sitting on a separate cushion in front of you.
As they come to a comfortable stillness, acknowledge the pain, emotions, and/or negative feelings and energy you may be experiencing.
Bring these emotions forward with a few deep breaths, imagining them leaving your body into a formation. It could be a shape, colour, energy, any sort of form that is separate from your body. And imagine this form sitting to the right of you, between you and the person you are forgiving. You have separated the emotions from yourself.
Now ask the person in front of you for forgiveness. Ask them to forgive you for holding on to all the pain, anger, hate, and negative emotions that you have spent precious time feeding, harbouring, and nurturing.
When you feel ready, allow the person sitting in front of you to accept your message, and forgive you. You can visualize holding hands, hugging, or just sitting comfortably together in your mind. As your words of forgiveness have been exchanged imagine the form of your emotions and feelings begin to dissolve into the earth being cleaned and recycled as new energy.
Allow yourself to be in meditation for as long as you need. When you are ready, come back to the room you are sitting in, and perhaps journal about how you are feeling now, how the experience went for you, and perhaps what you might change or add next time.
Repeat the meditation as necessary.
Now you might be listening to this and thinking, wait a second, I’m supposed to be forgiving people for hurting me? Not asking them for forgiveness?
But the truth is, and here is where things get complicated, forgiveness is really about ourselves and our own power and energy.
When we hold onto things, grudges, pain, trauma, negative past experiences, they begin to take physical shape in our bodies. They begin to manifest as physical pain and dis-ease in our bodies. We all know that what has happened in the past can not be undone, it is not in our control. However, there are many things in our control! And one of the most important reminders is that we can control our reactions. We can notice and heal our triggers, we can learn to let go and trust and love again.
It goes back to what I mentioned early, that forgiveness is ongoing. It’s part of our spiritual practice to learn about your reactions, and our emotions, and how to support and respond to our feelings, without us being overtaken by them. Which can be very detrimental to our health and lead to poor reactions and decisions.
[11:52] One of the listener questions from Tammy: How do we forgive someone who isn’t sorry?
And after a lot of thought, my response is: we acknowledge that they most likely are in a lot of hurt and pain. They might not be aware of their affect on you/the person they hurt. They might not realize that their pain has been projected. And if they do/did realize, then you KNOW they are in pain and hurting. You know they are struggling. Because deep down in each and every one of us, there is light and love, and compassion. We hurt people when we are feeling hurt.
Again, it’s not giving them permission, however it’s also not letting them take your power.
Speaking of power, let’s talk about four powerful elements: Earth, Fire, Air, and Water!
[13:01] TWO: ELEMENT RITUAL FOR FORGIVENESS
For this ritual we will be using different tools to connect with the four elements that will support our forgiveness ritual. The first element is EARTH, for this you will need epsom or sea salt, about 2 cups. The second element is FIRE, for this you will need a candle. Next is AIR, for this you will need a feather, or a bell. Lastly, is WATER, for this you will need a tub filled with warm water.
This ritual is best done within 2 days of a full moon. Full moons are a wonderful time for releasing old feelings that no longer serve us.
Start by drawing the bath. Notice the water filling the tub. Let this process be slow and silent, not rushing around trying to do other things while this ritual takes place. It starts when you gather your supplies and turn on the tub.
Next, light the candle and place it on one corner of the tub. In the opposite corner place the bell/feather. Once the tub has filled, create a circle of salt inside the basin, sprinkling the salt in the water. When you feel ready, enter the tub.
While you are resting in the tub, slow down your breathing, close your eyes if it serves you. Imagine and feel your breath moving throughout your body and creating space. Imagine it collecting any feelings of staleness, stagation, pain, or hurt, and releasing those feelings through the nostrils. As you soak in the water, visualise the salt and water pulling out any toxic energy from your skin and joints, in the tight spaces the breath doesn’t seem to reach right away.
When you feel ready, cup the water in your hands and begin to pour the water over yourself/ Covering your face, neck, shoulders, head and entire body with water. Imagine this water washing away all your feelings of pain as they surface. Acknowledging them, and then releasing them. Think of the person or people, or situations that have hurt you; the ones you want to forgive. As the memories and feelings come up, acknowledge, release, repeat.
Bring your hands to your heart and say, “I forgive you” forgiving yourself now. Repeat as needed. When you are ready, take a deep breath and submerge into the water, as you come up out of the water feel how the water drips off of you, cleansing your body and imagine the pain and sadness you were holding onto also releasing and letting go into the tub. Completely come out of the tub, wrap yourself and hold yourself in a soft towel. Watch the water wash away in the drain, along with any last bit of your negativity and emotions. Blow out the candle.
Sometimes using tangible materials like water, can be a physical reminder of the “invisible” work that is being done. It’s a tool for us to connect with the element and also the spiritual practice and emotional release. You might need a few more full moon element baths to completely release, however this is a great, and peaceful place to start.
[17:07] Olivia said that when it comes to forgiveness she struggles with “letting go.” Haven’t we all! However when we start to see forgiveness as a release of our pain, and as we start to cleanse this and take back our power, we can recognize that it is not about the other person, and hasn’t really been part of the other person - it has ALWAYS been about ourselves.
It’s about freeing ourselves; truly liberating ourselves from being trapped in those moments of time where we were most hurt and in pain.
When we let go, when we release the hurt, we are making space for our light again, we are making space for our power to shine.
If you listen to the show often you’ll know that I love working with essential oils, and I often bring them into my baths, and rituals. I didn’t include them in the second ritual because I wanted to talk about them in their own practice.
I work with doTERRA essential oils and blends and my personal practice with them has become very intuitive. I am drawn to an oil or an oil blend and then I use it on my body intuitively. After smelling it and placing it in my diffuser or body, I look up the meaning of the oil and I learn that my body just KNEW, it somehow knew exactly what it needed in that moment.
[18:52] THREE: ESSENTIAL OILS FOR FORGIVENESS
First and foremost, the number one essential oil blend I recommend is doTERRA’s Forgive, aka the Renewing Blend. This blend has spruce, bergamot, arborvitae, tyme, citronella, myrrh, juniper berry, and more in it! It’s earthy, yet bright. It’s grounded, yet buoyant. I love using this roller on my sternum for renewing my heart space, or on my feet for deep grounding and peace.
If you don’t have this oil at home, I want you to use whichever oil comes to you; whatever you are called to.
I’m going to use Forgive blend in this ritual, however I want you to use whatever you need right now - and this can change the next time you do this ritual.
First, open the bottle of your oil/blend, and put 1-2 drops on your hands (dilute if necessary). Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths from your palms.
Next, move the palms up the face toward the head, and down the back of the head, neck, around the shoulders, down the chest, belly, around the sides of the hips, low back, and glutes, down and around the legs knees, and all the way down to the toes. Sweeping the entire body with the hands. Make sure to sweep opposite arms as well. Once the whole body has been “swept” place the hands over the heart.
Breathe into the heart space. If you need to apply more oils to your hands, or if you want to diffuse the oils you may do so.
As well if movement feels necessary to you in this moment, move freely, allowing your hands, hips and body to move in dance or a sway; make this as intuitive as possible. Allow yourself to be FREE!
As you breathe, move, smell, and feel, recognize the people you are forgiving, the situations you are remembering, the emotions you are recognizing and releasing.
Allowing yourself to freely move your body, in addition to the emotional support of the essential oils, can help with bringing up the toxic emotions, processing them, and also letting them go.
Buy essential oils at wholesale price here!
5ml = pure blend, great for diffuser
10ml = roller bottle, great for topical use
E118: Emotions & Essential Oils
Freedom in Forgiveness Diffuser Blend
4 drops Grapefruit
3 drops Lavender
3 drops Jasmine
1 drop Sandalwood
[22:00] FOUR: FORGIVENESS LETTER
A forgiveness letter is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: it’s a letter you’re writing, and the recipient is the person you want/need to forgive. I always recommend starting with yourself. However, you can choose to write the letter to whomever you wish.
Start with addressing the letter to the person you want to forgive. Then write and complete the following sentence: Today I forgive [myself] for… In order to move on, I acknowledge that I was wrong in how I [reacted to a situation, held onto unhealthy feelings, kept replaying negative events of the past, said or thought mean things about another person, etc.] I deserve forgiveness because…”
Pause for a second, I almost didn’t include this because I want it to be clear that everyone deserves forgiveness including YOU. Do not skip this step.
FInally, finish the letter with “In the future, if I am faced with a similar situation/decision, I will…” then sign the letter.
Once you have written + signed the letter, tear it up or crumple it up, and then burn or bury the letter. This brings in the earth element for healing, or if you burn the paper it brings in the fire element for transformation. You could also bury the ashes if you wanted, for both transformation and healing power.
[23:50] FIVE: CHORD CUTTING
A few months ago I shared a quote on instagram @vallavignelife. The quote reads: Why would you be sad? You lost someone who didn’t love you. But they lost someone who loved them.”
When I first read it, this quote hit me like a punch to the gut and I felt “cords” of past relationships snap away.
Just like that. Cut. Gone. Buh-bye. Au Revoir. Done.
I’m speaking of “energetic cords” which are attachments formed through relationships and interactions with others. Positive, and negative relationships.
The deeper the relationship, the more intense/tight/thick the cord; and probably the more complex to sever.
The cord is not bad, unless the cord is holding negative energy. This could be from someone you are judging, resenting, need to forgive, or let go of completely.
Typically we cut energetic cords of the people who are negative or who are not in our lives any more (i.e. ex’s, former friends, people who burnt bridges, people we are forgiving etc.)
And sometimes we cut energetic cords of people we want in our lives but need to clear some overwhelming energy and create healthy boundaries with.
Step One: Sit comfortably with your eyes closed. Take several deep and meditative breaths.
Step Two: Invite Archangel Michael, the protector, a powerful angelic being who carries a huge golden sword.
Step Three: Imagine the cords and the people they are connected to. Then ask Archangel Michael to cut the cords for you saying, “I ask you to cut these cords now.”
Step Four: Notice the lightness you feel; the weightlessness. Feel peace within you and a deep sense of support.
Practice this mediation daily until you feel free of the negative energetic cords. You may need to repeat in the future too.
So there you have it, five powerful rituals for forgiveness and healing. You can add each of these, or your favourite ones to your “spiritual fanny pack.”
Let’s connect on instagram @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/117 for full show notes + oil recipes
[00:32] Hi I’m Val, podcast host + Healthy Habits Mentor!
[2:46] Most common complaint about difficulty going to bed is stress + anxiety
[3:14] Reverse enginer your evening routine
Syart with what time you want to wake up?
How many hours of sleep you need?
How long does your evening routine take?
[5:14] Set alarms or reminders to notify you of your transitions into wind-down time
[5:44] My best/most important suggestion: TURN OFF TECH
[7:24] Sleepy Time Tea/ Tea Ritual
Choose herbal or sleep supportive teas (lavender, chamomile)
Create your own thoughtful tea ritual that helps you become more mindful, slow down your day, become more present and calm in the simple task/habit
[8:37] Incorporating and Elevating Your current evening routines
How can you make them more mindful?
How can you slow down the routines and habits you already have?
[10:07] Mindful movement
Yoga, stretching, mediation
Music, white noise, etc.
[10:28] Combine your routines and rituals together
examples: Tea + meditation; music + bath; stretch + aromatherapy
OIL HACK: for restless legs - use 1-2 drops of cedar wood on the soles of your feet + ankles + calves before bed
[11:00] Incorporating Evening Routines with your Partner
Intimacy, connection, support, communication
[12:00] Read a book! Journal, or write your to-do list
[13:52] Creating Your Sleep Oasis
Turndown ritual
Set the lighting
Set up your diffuser blends
Oils for sleep:
-
Lavender
-
Vetiver
- Roman Chamomile
- Cedarwood
- Serenity (Restful Blend)
- Balance (Grounding Blend)
- Breathe aka Easy Air (Respiratory Blend)
- Peace (Reassuring Blend)
[16:00] Aura cleansing with Oils
Serenity, lavender, peace blend, rose, vetiver: Apply over forehead, back of neck, top of head, massage and.or sweep hands around the head
Choose the oils that make you feel calm, centred, and slow you down
[18:15] Habit Swapping
What are you currently doing during your evening routine? Which of those habits do you want to swap for something new?
Example: move the phone/charger to the bathroom and place a book beside your bed
Place a candle beside your toothbrush and light your candle while you brush your teeth
[20:50] Set yourself up for success by making the transitions, making the evening routines easier for you!
Let’s connect on instagram @vallavignelife
with Cheryl Sutherland
www.valerielavignelife.com/116 for full show notes
[00:28] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome to the women's empowerment podcast today I'm really excited because I get to introduce you to our special guest, Cheryl Sutherland, Cheryl is a transformational speaker business strategist and founder of please notes. A for purpose company and affirmation Feld products creator Cheryl felt restless and underwhelmed at her nine to five.
After spending over 1400 hours in learning and facilitating personal development coaching and reigniting her inner creativity, Cheryl created a company that inspires women to step into their own power by building confidence clarity and creativity as a woman's empowerment expert, author and entrepreneur, Sheryl Sutherland and please notes have been featured in instyle Huffington Post Forbes, Fast Company, American Express open forum thrive global Britain co travel and more.
And on podcasts, such as the creative Empire, I love success. nofilter with Phil Palin, and more, including now the women's empowerment podcast resides between Los Angeles and Toronto, Ontario and again, Cheryl I was so excited to have you here I feel like this was just the right timing and we came together in this really powerful way through the make lemonade community in a very strange time, but what I love about this whole thing is that it's become this kind of organic serendipitous little like no we're talking about little adventure that we've, we've been on together.
Cheryl Sutherland: Yeah, it's been so so delicious and I'm super excited to be here with you today.
VL: Thank you. Well, I was doing a little bit more research on you and kind of getting to know. But what I really discovered I was looking for the juiciness, but I really discovered was that you're like a fairy godmother. you just like pull all these magical things out of people and you're like this is who you are and you fold up this mirror for people and you are like confirming and affirming. They're, like, they are light, I guess you could say so. I was just thinking like, oh my god I feel like she just like their buddy Bobby boobs into, into people's lives and like creates this magic. And speaking of magic your, your products are absolutely stunning and pleasing.
CS: I think that might be the next tattoo I get is booty bump. And then just put it on my left butt cheek. because I am quite magical let's let's be real.
VL: Oh my gosh, that's amazing. I love it, I love it, love it. I've never actually I don't know if I've inspired anyone to get a tattoo before so this might be a first.
Well I'm also really excited to have you on the show because, as I read in your bio you are an expert in women's empowerment and what better place to talk about that than on the women's empowerment show. So I really would like to learn a little bit more about what you share and how you you serve your community.
[3:33] CS: Oh my god, I love this so thank you again for having me on. Perfect timing as per always, and I mean I guess I am a fairy godmother I'm just gonna take that, because I'm all about helping you become your favorite version of you, and whatever that means to you because everybody's got something different. Some people really want to be an amazing parent some people their version of success is to, you know, have an amazing company or, you know, be able to support, like kids in a certain way that they feel like is super important.
And I feel like the more that we allow people to step into their zone of genius and really do those things, follow their curiosity and believe in themselves. That's how we get the ingenuity that we desire that's how we, you know, create the advances, not only in technology, but in society as a whole, like, really allowing for us to move forward and to be better and to be even more successful more fulfilled than we were before. As you had indicated before I have this amazing line of affirmation for both goods and that was my first step into that space.
Because I really wanted it to be about the individual like for them to be able to have the tools that they needed to move forward to really delve in deep to really discover who they were, what their passions were etc etc. And then, I've kind of expanded since then so of course I've got like the guided journals, which included like clarity dream manifestation and gratitude. And I've made it in such a way that it's comfortable.
And if it's not fun if it's not easy why I do it right. And then of course I've got the additional goods like we already held the water bottle labels the enamel pins as continual reminders of who you really are and what you want to create.
From there I've expanded into more bits like doing more workshops doing more speaking doing more facilitation. Because the thing that I've noticed is that people will get really excited get themselves a journal and be like, I'm going to change things in my life, and then get stuck so in me being able to provide not only like a service of saying, okay, here are some different journaling tools here are some different techniques. Let's do this together right now, it really allows us to start creating that inertia, start creating that momentum, increase the change that they really want to have in their lives.
[6:16] VL: That is incredible and I feel like, as you're explaining this, it really becomes clear that there there is a gap in this type of field like that personal development. The journaling, all of that fun and pretty amazing. You know that like inspirational stationery, it's all wonderful but if you're not using it and you're not putting it into practice or not taking action then you're not going to see those results you're not going to see that growth.
So, I love that you have kind of evolved in this way to to offer these workshops to go that little extra bit in really supporting your community, and not just like selling a product. So I think that's really powerful. Can you tell us a little bit more about how you kind of started these notes because I know you said you started in your nine to five job and then you're getting and also this all into this personal development, did you see that gap as well like how did you. How'd you get to where you are now.
[7:11] CS: So I always say My life is either going to be a Lifetime movie, or people won't be like this show so to make the longest story short, I was born and raised in Calgary, Alberta shout out Stan Peters, and I got involved in personal growth at a really complicated time in my life I had just seen the dissolution of a horrific relationship and then a lot of other relationships decided to leave my life at the same time. And then so that's when I got into personal growth because I knew I was ready to let something new come in and anything had to be better than this and what I discovered was so much better than anything I really discovered.
And really, whatever I thought it could be, and then going and continuing that journey, I had decided that I was going to move to California, because why not write. I'm really big into manifestation I've been manifesting things for years without even knowing. And then when I got clear that that was happening within 24 to 48 hours I ended up getting two job offers and they took one and then six months later, I mean they trucked on down drove down.
And then I worked for a couple different companies which was really great because both of them were led by female entrepreneurs and I can really see that day to day difference in how you feel when you have like high EQ would you feel when you feel like the results that you get when you feel abundant, the results that you get when you are coming from that space of joy and love versus restriction lack etc etc. And then in being able to work for these two companies I was able to see what to do and then what not to do and then again that's very big gap that was in the market, not necessarily something that I was like, Oh, I need to build products with but like really noticing. There's a tangible shift in people's results when they feel good about themselves when they're confident in themselves.
And I guess perhaps even then that's when the seed was planted to really support female entrepreneurs, or entrepreneurs period, because they're not getting that support from their HR like we're not having someone saying hey you're doing a good job or I feel one to 10 like you get a raise right it's just us out here in the streets with our processes.
Right. And then from there. I've reached a point with that second company where I was like, Okay, I know that if I leave here, and I just attempt to get another job. I'm still gonna feel the same level of emptiness because I know that I'm ready to create something that I'm really in love with that really supports people in the way that I want to support them, and something that makes me feel excited like I'm actually doing something I'm creating some sort of difference. And that, at that point, again I had no idea what that was, however, whenever I create room for the universe to jump in.
Honestly the most amazing things happen so I ended up quitting that job. And just spend some time with myself just doing a lot of journaling, going back into personal development magic and working with affirmations really getting into an amplifying my practice, and then that's when that idea came in was really to surround myself with affirmations because I noticed the huge difference in myself, because I had been pouring so much into these different companies I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I was in love with.
I didn't know what was important to Cheryl, and so in taking that time to pour into myself and boost my self esteem boost my self confidence and, you know, got clear on the ground that I wanted to stand on. Then I was able to allow that idea to come in and then say hey I can actually do this. I think that's something that a lot of people go through, they'll get like a really great idea.
And then the first thing that they have is like, Oh, I can't do it because of X, Y and Z and we pummeled to the ground. However, if you're able to create that sort of fertile ground, and really take care of that. Like take care of your mental space. When you do have an idea, then you can actually support it and allow it to grow.
So with that it was the stickiness of my first item, and it was really like again surrounding myself with all these affirmations because I noticed how quickly we forget who we really are how capable we really are how deserving we really are and that life is supposed to be fun and it's supposed to be great for us right so really taking the time to reprogram and then from the sticky notes. I ended up going to do the, the journals and then migrated into all these other bits because I noticed that, again, like there's just so many different ways that you can choose to integrate affirmations in your life, and it's all about that repetitive like you have to the repetition is the thing that really allows you to change your habit of thought.
So, if you're not continually seeing these things, then you're not going to change the way you think. So when it hits you, the journals they were amazing, but you're probably gonna leave them at home. So what about having like a mirror to cows What about having a water bottle labels, you're going to the gym or wearing like an enamel pin yearly in your meeting and creating these sorts of things. And then from there again like as we talked about like really making sure that people have the tangible, tools, and then the support to actually start implementing these things. And, and I feel like when it comes to business. Personal like it's the biggest personal growth thing ever and anybody that started a business like you.
Right. And it really comes down to the fact that me starting this business, actually has allowed me to grow in such a delicious way, in a way that I couldn't have done by myself through whatever courses through whatever workshops, and it really has allowed me to step into my zone of genius and the place that I really love playing that I can give the most value in a place where I feel like I'm operating at my highest self, and therefore, really creating the changes that I want to create more.
[13:25] VL: Oh my goodness, I feel like that was just the perfect spot for a mic drop.
So, first of all, I want to congratulate you for just really coming to that realization of this isn't for me and who is me and how can I learn more about this person, and the person that I want to be and that's what's really cool about personal development because I've been, you know, doing the same type of work that you've been doing and really understanding myself and figuring out who the best person of me is so that I can serve my community better.
And so it's cool to, to hear kind of that journey for you, and we always talk about manifestation on the podcast too so I'm really excited I want to circle back to that in a minute. You mentioned EQ and for some people who don't know what that is it's emotional intelligence which is a huge part of personal development and of life.
And absolutely starting a business is, is a great way to dive into and take action in personal development my friend says that being an entrepreneur is personal development paycheck.
CS: So there you go, sometimes yeah sometimes.
VL: Sometimes you find your hair and your hands.
CS: But yeah, I love that it started with the sticky notes. Do you have a sticky note with you What does it have participant course I use all of my stuff I feel like Hair Club for men I'm not only the owner I am a, I'm a member too but. So, I wish you could see behind me but I'm not going to pivot my thing. But yeah, so this is what the sticky notes look like, and the original ones that used to have a different affirmation on every single page with a different image. Now the tricky part was that people love them so much that they didn't want to use them. And I was like, yo, if you like my company, buy more sticky notes yeah gotta use them, and then so I actually changed the design ever so slightly so now they come in a pack of three, and each three packs there's there's three different, I guess, what are they called three different color schemes, right, so we've got the pink which is the cheeky and this falls into the majority of like the additional thing, so it's more messages that are like playful and sarcastic so if you're taking notes you have messages like I'm a gift of the world gets a bad rap, I'm amazing at everything and anything that I do, I am legendary etc etc. The blue is war messages of calm so if you're dealing with a lot of anxiety or like you know you're feeling like you would like to top up the amount of love that you have messages like life loves me I'm living a joyful life. I'm so excited to, and then with the golden black collection The Confident collection that really gets into abundance that gets into competence I get into courage messages like everything I touch turns to gold messages like I'm ambitious and abundant, or I only manifest greatness in my life like those are the things that really allow you to build that level of, I guess, confidence as well or EQ and like really allow you to expand into all of you. So depending on what you're going through your journey on what you choose to work on, you know, you might be gravitating to one set of messages versus the other. Or you might want to just talk yourself up on all sides it's really up to you.
[16:57] VL: That sound fun. Okay so manifestation. Something that I learned about you is, and you kind of shared a teeny bit of this is that you manifested. And you you use manifestation you use journaling, to manifest your business success. Can you break that down at all for us, maybe like take us a little bit behind the scenes, and how we could also do that
STICKY NOTE PHOTO + LINKS HERE
[17:40] CS: For sure so we've got some tangible tips so if you want to listen to this again. you totally can. I mean we've gotten records for you, or you can start writing them down to feel good to you. So the great thing about when it comes to manifestation is it's really about the energy of what you feel right. So when you are looking to apply this specifically to your business you kind of want to be as specific as you can. That feels good, if you feel like you're pushing if you feel like there's resistance than you're actually kind of taking yourself backwards so again, let success feel natural.
Taking yourself backwards, is first everybody's like you need to have a proper business plan right so have that business plan so you know what would be the ideal way you would like to move from point A to point B. If you're like oh I'm going to create a widget and it's going to take over the world, it's just like yeah that's great but how do you want it to. So really getting into stuff like who is your target market. Who is your clientele like Who do you want to buy it, are they buying it for themselves, are they buying it for friends etc etc so you've got that part that's in the business plan. Now we have the opportunity to step into that manifestation journaling part. So when it comes to you getting being like this multimillionaire or creating this delicious huge business, what does that actually look like, what is your day to day.
Who do you talk to where you live, how many employees you have. Do you have a logistic system. are you like really big on social media platform really writing out what this actually looks like. Now, as you're doing so you're gonna notice internally, does this feel good. Are you excited about this, or does this feel like you're forcing it does it feel icky does this feel like kind of like this doesn't really make sense. Pay attention to that. Now, it could be that you have the opportunity to delve into why you have a Glock some people have a block against being successful or having a lot of money or, you know, like, or they have a fear of success or fear of failure like all these things come into play and then by doing that, to discover that it could also be that you're just attempting to make something work that isn't what you, what is in your highest or in your best priorities to actually create and you're going to notice that there's a block there you're going to notice there's a slow down there. And until you have that conversation of is this actually for me or is this something that I feel like I need to do, then you're not going to be able to make that next step and then move through that.
So, let's say for example we've already gotten very very clear that, and I know for myself, that please note is already a multi million dollar business that I have my product shipped all over the world that I get to engage with the most delicious people and I just love the feeling of people purchasing and giving and receiving my goods it just feels so great to see that people really love themselves that are valuing themselves and then also see other people in this way that they deserve the gift of personal growth. Now, also take a look at what you actually want the buyer experience to be like how does that, how does that look like and then also what is your company look like five years down the line, 10 years down the line, how are you growing How are you pivoting really again taking the time to write that out reiterate it to yourself, and then say it to yourself multiple times.
So some people will have like a vision board, some people will have, you know, just like journal it like you've got so many different ways to create that anchor and then when you create an anchor enveloping and relishing the feeling of having what it is you desire is so, so important, because that's the thing that's going to allow it to come into fruition. Now, oftentimes you'll hear with a lot of these like really big athletes that they win, they're like, Oh, you won the championship How does it feel and they're like, Oh, you know like, it feels like it makes sense or it feels natural. Oh look at this person they're so full of themselves. No, they've actually practiced getting the thing that they want so much that it just makes sense for the universe to give it to them therefore they're able to allow it in.
We hear so often about people that win multimillion dollar latos and stuff like that and then 15 minutes later they're broke again. This is because they have not worked on their wealth consciousness and made it so that level of success that they desire is natural. So if it doesn't feel natural then like, It's very difficult to hold on to it. Now, one other thing when it comes to using journaling for your business or for any sort of growth when it comes to your company or, like, your life is what I love to call “post manifestational awareness.”
So this gives you the opportunity to look. Take a look back at what actually happened, especially if it's something that you did not want to happen, and figure out what was the reason behind it, why did this actually occur. So there was actually a show that I did, I was really nervous about doing it I was like no Cheryl this makes sense, it's the next step in your business, etc etc really coming from that space of if I don't do it something bad is gonna happen, aka lack scarcity limitation however I did not know that at the time. Did the show was not great spent like way too much money, and definitely did not make back my investment, and then when I sat down, I was like, Oh, this is why I didn't turn out, because I did not do it from a place of love, or finance or excitement, or happiness. I did it because I thought that I had to, and then also I thought that money was a key to actually allowing my business to grow when it was really about the feeling of it growing and really listening to myself when it came to these things so now I'm able to actually have that conversation and then choose differently and then I noticed when I'm feeling a certain way. That is not what I want to happen. Also if you take a look at something delicious that happened like I was just doing something random and my girlfriend like I was inviting my friend onto clubhouse which is this new social app Hey what's up, and I was like hey do you want to check this out like here's a thing and it was a PR agent that lives in America that I knew from like a hot minute like a long time ago we used to just work in a co working space together. And she was just like, yeah. Oh, and I was actually thinking about you because I actually am doing the holiday gift guide with Ebony and I would love for you to be in there and then we can also have you on like Instagram Live and you can do a little session probably like, okay, that's cool. Because every magazine you like, that's pretty big. And I didn't have to sleep with anyone. I didn't have to do anything. I was just like, yeah, this makes sense like let me just give you this uh this person like.
And it just fell into place for me and really allowing me to step back into the feeling of what actually transpired to allow that to happen. I was in an amazing mood. I was feeling giving, I was like, who could really benefit by having this invite to clubhouse who I actually really like, and then I thought of this girl and she was like hey, Merry Christmas. So really allowing you to notice the feeling that's attached to the things that you are doing so that you can practice, taking action from that, that same feeling of allowing of expansion of happiness and then abundance.
[24:58] VL: Oh my goodness I'm getting like tangley and excited this is so great. So, I love this because I often forget about the power of manifestation, I forget that when I'm reaching a goal I outline all the logistical things I can, I feel like most of the time I think logically and then I'm like, oh yeah but then there's also this magical power of our mindsets. So you mentioned a couple kind of, I guess the word, we could use is like mistakes people make when they're manifesting, is there anything else that people should avoid doing when they're manifesting?
[25:34] CS: Yeah, I definitely think people think that they have to be the catalyst and that was a big problem for myself, my kids, my personality is naturally like a controller personality.
And so I used to having if anything's gonna get done, I have to be the one to do it, which is not conducive to building a multimillion dollar Empire like I have to be able to learn right I'm choosing to be able to learn how to delegate how to give to people and how to also attract amazing people that are operating within their zone of genius, as they're supporting me. And so I think what a lot of people think is okay, what is the end result that I want and how am I going to bring it to fruition and be like, I'm sitting with her I'm deciding I'm sitting with Oprah at her house, eating avocado, this is what's going to happen, or like, you know, I am going to get this next business deal and it's going to be feel so great and to do that, but even in me saying that you can kind of hear the energy behind it and just like are you forcing things like this is not good. So being really general. So if the thing that you want to come into fruition has a lot of energy around it, it's kind of sticky, you're not able to kind of like, you know, jig rejigging around just go general so stuff like you know:
Everything is always falling into place for me
Life loves me
I living in a friendly universe
Things that you can say and feel that they are in fact true like I am secure, you know, you might not be feeling rich but you might feel abundant you like even though you don't have the zeros in the bank account right. You might feel like, you know what I'm secure and safe like that things are things are just delicious today, were like, oh, like I love surprises surprises and the universe continues to surprise me in the most amazing ways and letting that be the thing that you allow to grow for you and then all these other places are gonna fall into place for you too.
[27:26] VL: That's such great advice. I am really glad that you said that because something you mentioned at the beginning of this episode was, you know, when you started your your your personal development journey. You didn't even realize how amazing it was going to be. I think that's what people forget is like, we think, what we want is so great and we think that like this is the goal we're striving for. When really, it's so much bigger than that, like it's so much more amazing and so much more powerful and more incredible. And so I'm really glad that that you gave those those examples, I love them. I'm gonna write them down their own manifesting I'm very excited. So, another key piece to manifesting that you mentioned was the action taking so you're you're following your feelings, and then you're taking actions, and then another action, another action. All of this is leading to, to the goal or like the big picture, and I know a lot of people stop themselves at the action taking piece I know for myself like when I first got into personal development I was reading all the books, until all the books were saying the same thing and I wasn't doing anything to get there, like I wasn't really putting myself out there for. So for some of the people who are listening and new to manifestation, or maybe new to their business?
[28:58] CS: What is some advice to take out action. That's great. So I think that the most important thing is it's not really about action it's about aligned action right so you have to do things that feel really good not because just logically it makes sense. Now, as you start practicing you're going to notice that feeling within your body. Are you afraid to do something or is this actually like a block to not do this, like, is this your intuition, telling you, no.
So I would actually say start practicing a lot with meditation if you don't have a meditation practice, then please do take a look at some whether it's some guided meditations I've got some available on the website, or you can use YouTube or, you know, sitting for five minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes at a time, and just connecting because then that's really what's going to allow your intuition you really notice the difference in your intuition versus being trial and error because I mean trial and error is great but it's just like, why. So, as you practice with the aligned action, you're going to be able to know okay like for example when I got a virtual assistant, I was like, ah, but I'm like I know I need to do it, but also like I had a lot of fear but it's just like, Okay, what is this fear this fear is not about the fact that I need this person or this person is amazing at what they do, or that my business will amplify itself as a result of having additional support. It was the fact that I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to consistently pay this person and that might get in trouble with that. Right.
That is not the truth. Because in fact, in me employing this person that I'm going to actually be able to create more streams of income and do it much quicker than if I attempted to do it myself. And I'm not going to be burnt out like everybody's like, Oh, I want to be successful but if all you're doing is hustling and struggling this whole time, then you're never going to be successful because you don't know how to rest in success. You don't know how to rest in that level of achievement and we're so good at pushing ourselves, and having the opportunity to take that step back and just say, Oh, this is what I've created, let me be proud of myself really acknowledge where we're at and that's going to be one of the key things for you to actually be that successful person that you really desire to create that life you want. So, but going back to that when you're taking action really understand like, what is the purpose of this action, and is it pulling and you can feel internally is is pulling you towards the thing that you want or is it kind of like sidetracking or taking you away from it.
Now sometimes the universe will end like you will do it for yourself Take the, the slightly scenic route. However, there was always opportunities for growth and everything that you go through so there's never a wrong thing that you've done it's just like, oh I'm learning right so if you're doing something new. It's not mistakes, it's just learning opportunities. And as long as you actually learn those lessons, then you won't keep repeating it so again. I know a little diatribe but when you're coming down to making decisions really understand the come from, is it coming from your heart is it coming from your head, or from the gut. Does it make sense for you in your business does it feel good.
Does it feel aligned with what you want to create and when you want to serve, and if so then you know just step ahead and step in for.
[32:14] VL: That's perfect. And it really comes back to getting clear about the intention, and getting clear about how you want to feel, which I feel like is a perfect segue into one of your offerings that is an A newer I guess this year, and it's called Create Clarity in Your Calling. Tell us about this. How can we be a part of it?
[32:39] CS: Oh my gosh, okay so basically what I've done is I've taken some of my favorite class is to really support people again in starting to just do the things right but also do it with the extra little sauce like the extra bit of mindfulness like the cheat code I guess is the best way to say it.
Not a cheat code, a legend. There you go. So this particular bundle actually has my journal your way wealthy class, it is basically a modified version of my journal your way to clarity class that one actually has or this one actually has different like four different journaling exercises that you get to practice, and you can continue to put into implementation for yourself so you can understand how to actually get into the process of journaling, how to journal for manifestation how to really take a look at the life that you really want to create and against deep yourself in the feeling of having the thing that you want, so it's easier for the universe to give you the things that you desire, and for you to act in alignment versus in scarcity, right. It also has some additional downloads that you can get so you can actually start practicing with different prompts and stuff as well. And then there's also a amazing money manifestation to really allow you into opening up your money files, kind of changing the way that you feel about money, and then making sure that your money is working for you money is your best friend she's out here just in the streets trying to support you the best way she knows how However, if you don't let her help you. She's not going to be able to really opening that up for you and allow your business to come in.
[34:12] VL:
Cheryl Sutherland
www.cherylsutherland.com
www.pleasenotes.com
instagram: @pleasenotesgoods
[35:13] VL: Rapid Fire Round!
Question One: What are you currently reading? What is your favourite book?
CS: Okay, so if you'd asked me this a little bit ago I would have given you a different number but okay so my favorite book.
The longest one has actually been The Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda.
The reason I love this book is it really gets into the life of this man who actually started bringing yoga to the, to the west. However, the thing that I love about it is that he lives in this space of possibilities when he was a child and, like, just imagining walking through like the town that you're in and just seeing all these people like this one guy's a disappearing Yogi. this one guy's a floating Yogi and just like having that sense of magic and possibility around you.
I just finished this other book and which is a one steak sauce is called The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Shovel Shin, you can get it on like iBooks or whatever for 99 cents and literally it's talking about the law of attraction how to manifesting, how to ask for that space of like, it is versus like oh can I have this, and it's so honestly it changed the way it's kind of amplified the way in my belief and my knowingness that I can really have what I want the universe is here to deliver it to me.
Question Two: What do you love most about being a woman?
CS: What do I love most about being a woman I mean like I recently just fallen in love with my body because it is hashtag amazing. But I also think one of the things that I love is just being able like that level of emotion that we're able to connect and share with, and it's kind of sad that it's not as emotional like it's not as accepted for men, because I really feel like that would be so delicious but just being able to be with a group of women and be like oh my gosh hey how are you, I love your hair Let's be friends like I love that and authentically like care and connect to one another, really, really quickly while I feel like it might be a little bit more difficult for our male identifying counterpart.
Question Three: What does Empowerment mean to you?
I think it means really it's about being able to stand in all of you, you know, being able to be 100% yourself whether it's your hair, whether it's your clothing, whether it's like the way that you like to pronounce your R's like just allowing you to come and step out and being all of you, and that's actually where we are going to have the most delicious things happen because someone has said yes to themselves.
Question Four: What are you currently working towards?
I would like a snack I'm kind of hungry. No, I'm what am I, I'm currently working towards really allowing myself to have support like I had said before, that's something that I'm really excited to have, and also excited to allow in more ways. And then also, multiple streams of income so making, I used to have this thing where if it wasn't hard, then I wasn't doing enough.
Do you know what I mean like if I wasn't, you know, work if I wasn't struggling, that like the money that I received was not as valuable, and I have I've realized that that is in fact a lie. And that, that I don't have any value in the past to struggle or striving anymore so really allowing it to like me to have the things that I desire and it comes easy and it'd be fun, and it'd be life and continue to grow in that way.
[40:32] VL: I'm so glad you said that that's something that I've been really moving away from also is like my, my family grew up, you know, struggling to get to where they are and putting in that, you know, the elbow grease and the blood and sweat and the tears and you know we did this so you could have this and it's like, Okay, I did doesn't have to be such a struggle and that was hard for me because it almost was like part of my identity, but it was like growing up, learning these things from my parents, and now I'm. It's funny because it's like I'm moving away from the home, and also moving away from like that family mindset. Anyway, I feel like that's a whole other episode we could get into.
[41:00] CS: I hear you on that I mean I know for myself like I'm a first generation Canadian and my parents like God bless them they had to go through so much in order to you know make sure that their family members were taken care of that like you know that we were taken care of, and I'm so proud to say that like my parents are really happy that I'm happy you know they're really happy that I've chosen a different path and like, I think that's an opportunity to actually give to our parents in that way as to, to show them that things can be different, and if we're able to strong enough to stand up on our own and say, this is something we're changing for the family.
Like, I know my mom would not say no if I paid off like a couple of like things for her or like, you know, send some extra money here and there for her, she would not, she would not buy that so I'm excited for that to be what everybody in my family lives from.
VL: Mm hmm. That's amazing. Well congratulations for being that that leader in this new way and this new thought,
CS: Okay, thank you.
VL: Well, like I said before, I feel like you are a fairy godmother to many people including myself You inspire me every day that I see you show up on social media, and I love what you're coming out with I love the ideas of the workshops, I feel like that's something that I really look for is like this product is amazing but I need that deeper connection, I need that next step I need that action so I'm really excited to learn more about your funnel and getting involved with it.
CS: Thank you I receive that and thank you so much for creating the space for people to come and have these conversations, and then also for people to listen and understand that the things that they want that they are not alone, that they are possible to have like things are possible for them to have, and that you don't need to do anything to prove your worth you're already worthy, so go and do the things.
www.valerielavignelife.com/115 for complete show notes
Leave a review on Apple Podcasts
[00:38] List Makers Gonna List
- Do you make to do lists?
- How do you feel about them, love them? Stress about them? Somewhere in between?
- My journey with making the most of my to do list and how I became a “master to do-er” 😂
[1:57] The MOST important thing that had to change for me to tap into my energy and productivity.
- STOP stressing about the list and use that energy to get sh*t done!
[3:39] Starting with a Brain Dump at the beginning of each week
- Write it all down, get it out of your head
Next: Eliminate + Automate + Delegate
- Look at what is always on the list, or what has been on the list for a while, can we eliminate, automate, or delegate any of these tasks.
- Usually when something is on our list for a while it’s because we’re procrastinating - if it’s not getting done by you then it’s probably not going to get done so scratch it off!
[6:13] Organizing the List
- I like to organize the list based on when the tasks need to get done.
- Organizing the list by days of the week and it helps me stay on track with my goals and tasks
[7:19] Time Blocking
- Get to know how long it takes you to do a task
- You can track how much time you spend on your tasks and activities to learn more about how long all of these things take you
- Over time you will start to know what works best for you, this gets easier
- MAKING the time in your schedule by Time Blocking
[9:30] The 3-5 System
- Sticking with having 3-5 things on your to do list at a time
- Being more realistic with your time by prioritizing 3-5 things
- This boosts productivity, and is more sustainable
- You can even have 1 thing on your list if it is one BIG thing
NEW METHOD… BUT FIRST…. HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE MY NEW WEBSITE!!!!????? Let me know what you think on instagram @vallavignelife I’d love to hear your feedback and connect with you more 💗
[13:20] Supporting Your To Do List with Self Care
- Sprinkle in self care that helps support and compliment your energy because it will help you get more done
YES I’M TALKING TO YOU FELLOW WORK-A-HOLICS!
- I swap “eating my frog” with Self-Care
- FACT CHECK: “Mark Twain famously said that if the first thing you do in the morning is eat a live frog, you can go through the rest of the day knowing the worst is behind you. Your frog is your worst task, and you should do it first thing in the morning.”
- Brian Tracy’s BOOK: Eat That Frog
- Write a list of self care items and schedule them into your week/day
[21:11] In addition to the to-do list I am also create a List of Wins/Achievements
- What are you proud of?
- What wins did you have this week?
- What did you achieve?
[22:32] Challenging myself to get out of my comfort zone more
- Personal intention is to do this weekly, and I’m tracking it monthly
- I’m prioritizing the tasks that help me get out of my comfort zone so that I can grow!
How are you leaping, growing, and getting shit done? Share with me on instagram!
www.valerielavignelife.com/114 for full show notes + links mentioned in this episode.
[00:29] Are you into the woo?
Astrology, Human Design, Chakras, Kabalha, Tarot, Oracle cards, Numerology, etc.
I like to think of these unique tools as an extension of personal development.
[2:30] What is our Inner Wisdom?
The spiritual nudges, gut feelings, inspirational thoughts, intuition, and more.
[3:25] How can we tap into it?
Through trust and connection comes clarity, and clarity comes with practice.
[10:45] What does embracing it feel like? AND WHERE can we feel our inner wisdom?
[11:28] HUMAN DESIGN: 5 Authorities
BOOK: Human Design Discover the Person You Were Born to Be
#1 Emotions Authority “Be Emotionally Clear”
- Find lasting emotional clarity in spite of the (emotional) storms
- BOOK: Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
- Witness your emotions
- Emotional balance will bring clarity
- Feel out your senses
#2 Sacral Authority “Follow Your Gut”
- Follow AND TRUST your gut
- This internal guidance system is effective when in response. Which means it is designed to wait until there is a clear response that speaks from the lower belly with uh-huh or uh-uh
- It’s a sensation of being drawn toward or pushed/repelled away
- Respond to a request and then FEEL OUT if this is right for you
#3 Heart Authority “Do What You Want”
- Tune into your heart’s desires!
- It is a direct authority: You might say something lik “I want it, so I’m going to make it happen”
- Once you set your heart on something, your innate drive cannot be stopped
- Your heart is drawing you to, or pulling you away from something
- This is personal, and very powerful, do not be lured by someone else’s heart/passion it must be YOURS
#4 Self Authority “Be True to Yourself”
- When you know, you know
- Subtle and deeply present; this is something only YOU will understand
- Trust the space in your inner sternum, if you have this authority you will feel it
- You might say something like, “I can’t explain it, I just know it!”
- Don’t rush away from this knowing, trust it undeniably!
#5 Outer Authority “Accessing Intelligence”
- This is unique because it does not have a prompt, but instead has an external process that helps you discover your inner truth
- You will weigh, balance, check and double check before making a decision
- This requires PATIENCE + and OPEN VIEW of all situations
- What’s cool about this authority is that you are able to access everyone else's perspectives, concepts and ideas and turn them into your very own wisdom
- So your decision making relies on others… here’s the best part; or should I say the WOO part: over a period of 29 days. This time period is because it relates to the movements and phases of the moon.
- Yes, that’s right the lunar cycle plays a very important role here.
- Is this all new to you? Cool, get yourself on google and figure out the lunar phases and start recording them in your calendar. Then when you’re faced with a decision, map out 29 days later and write in your calendar “decision day” For that month, do your research, ask questions, read books, etc.
- Now it might not always be realistic, but if you can make it happen, it is highly recommended.
Not sure which authority you are? I learned all of this from a book: HUMAN DESIGN Discover the Person You Were Born to Be.
Get your human design profile here: www.humandesignforusall.com
[23:00] Using your inner wisdom to make difficult decisions
Step One: Get calm
- Breathe
- Meditate
- Nature
Step Two: Release force
Step Three: Be patient
[26:38] Essential Oils for Intuition
Oils for Awareness:
- Cilantro
- Align
- Cardamom
- Kumquat
- Black pepper
- Fennel
- Oregano
Oils for Enlightened:
- Frankincense
- Bergamot
- Melissa
- Clary sage
- Sandalwood
- Immortelle
- Litsea
- Roman chamomile
- Blue tansy
Clarity Blend
BOOK: I Am Fabulous by Desiree Mangandog
Clarity is an excellent blend for those who struggle with constant confusion especially those who experience “foggy brain.” SOme describe it as a dark cloud in and around the head. The oils in Clarity open up the mind and get rid of the muck that creates low energy. You will be able to hear yourself think, be very present when communicating with others and radiate vibrant energy.
Place drops in a 5ml (or 10ml) roller bottle. Fill the rest with fractionated coconut oil. Apply to the back of the neck, temples and inside of elbow creases.
5 drops Eucalyptus
3 drops Douglas Fir
5 drops Lemon
2 drops Peppermint
1 drop Rosemary
1 drop Melissa
1 drop Wintergreen
3 drops Lemongrass
1 drop Cardamom
[28:37] Journaling about the “Proof”
Observe and be the witness of your past and your experiences so that you can learn from them, when you make decisions from your authority, what happens? When you start to trust your inner wisdom, what happens? Record the evidence that proves you can trust your inner wisdom.
[29:44] Attracting Abundance
Focusing on attraction means believing you are aligned with the work you are meant to be doing, you are guided to the people you need you. Embrace this and trust this fully. Showing p as your authentic self, is going to attract more authentic people into your life and the people who are on your vibrational level.
TAKE ACTION! Get to know yourself more through whatever YOU feel called too, use human design, journalling, meditation, however YOU FEEL DRAWN or what you feel PULLED TOWARD! Let’s continue the conversation on instagram @vallavignelife
www.valerielavignelife.com/113 for the full show notes and links featured in this episode, including the FREE Habit Tracker Guide!
Join the Empowered Community on Instagram @vallavignelife
[1:16] Question: How do we stay motivated with our healthy habits?
Habit forming takes time, it’s dependent on the person (and the habit!)
[2:00] Investigate past success
What has worked for you before?
Want to increase your habit by 95%? Hire a Coach!
Interested in working with me? Check out my Make a Habit Mentorship Program HERE
Do you like tracking your habit? Get the free Habit Tracker today! (see the side column for the download)
[4:45] Habit Stacking
This is a great way to create new habits, use this method to build on your current habits in routine.
Every morning I make coffee. I wanted to create more mindfulness so I created a “Morning Coffee Ritual” that helps me be more mindful, present, and sets an intention for how I want to feel for the day.
We all have habits already, what habits do you currently have, and how did they form? How are you staying consistent with it? Can you incorporate your new habit with an existing habit?
[7:48] Habit Triggers
These help us simplify and support our habit more.
How can you set yourself up for success with your habit; how can you make DOING your habit easier?
Simplify: more often than not creating a new habit is more complicated than it needs to be. Notice if you’re creating a really big overreaching habit in the beginning. It’s important to start small so that we can work our way to the bigger goals.
Remember that habits form over time, we want to be successful right away, in the beginning. Set realistic and easy habits right away.
Commitment is doing the thing you said you were going to do, after the mood you set it in has left.
Supporting your habit: Think about what you will need to do your habit every day. Prep for your habit by collecting the things you need and getting them ready or putting them into the places where you’re going to use them.
Morning coffee habit with new journaling exercises? Put you journal and coffee mug with the coffee maker - and a pen!
Daily workout habit? Grab your equipment + clothes and have them ready for you when you’re doing your workout.
[13:18] Apps + Supportive tools
Meditation: Insight Timer
Favourite Meditation Teacher: Sarah Blondin
Water: Hidrate App + Hidrate Bottle
Language learning: Duolingo
Apple Health App
Essential oils I use before working:
dōTERRA’s ADAPTIV “Calming Blend”
dōTERRA’s Balance “Grounding Blend”
dōTERRA’s Motivate “Motivating Blend’
dōTERRA’s Passion “Inspiring Blend”
[14:55] Celebrating + Milestones
The apps I use have fun “badges, stickers, trophies” for when I am consistent with using the app and doing my daily habits
Celebrate day one! Day seven, Day thirty, and more! Celebrate every day. Write out these dates in your planner/calendar.
There are so many ways to celebrate: prize, sticker, gift, party, bottle of champagne, gourmet donut, shopping spree, cash money!
My Make a Habit Mentorship client, Aashima, is working out 3 times per week, and after one month she wants to buy a new workout outfit!
The prize is motivating you, and the prize CAN ALSO motivate you to keep going - assuming it supports your habit.
[19:12] What happens when we “fall off the horse” with our habits?
Short answer: If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.
Episode 111: Create Habits Based on Your Core Values with Deanne Frances
#1 Come back to Your Intention: Why did you start the habit in the first place? How do you want to feel? When you reconnect to the feelings of WHY you started, you’ll be motivated to get back on track.
#2 Start Small: Set a super small goal you KNOW you can achieve, like one workout this week. Then build to two the next week, and three after that. This is helping you build your confidence.
MOMENTUM Roller Blend Recipe
12 drops Eucalyptus
5 drops Douglas Fir
5 drops Marjoram
3 drops Patchouli
2 drops Lavender
1 drop Cinnamon
1 drop Cypress
1 drop Arborvitae
3 drops Lime
1 drop Ylang Ylang
#3 Celebrate Milestones: Since habits are formed over time, it’s helpful to set up points to celebrate the success. Get excited about your habit again and put notes in your planner/calendar of how you will celebrate when you reach your milestone.
#4 Re-Evaluate Your Habit: Perhaps your intention is in the right place, but the habit isn’t working for you. Or maybe it’s the time of day; the complexity of your habit; or something else! Looks that the reasons why it’s not getting done, and how you can get back on track with your habit and success.
[26:20] #5 Invest in a Coach: Having a coach to hold you accountable increases your chance of success by 95%! In my Make a Habit Mentorship Program we get clear on your goal, and I help you form your new habit in our four weeks together.
Next steps:
Download the FREE Habit Tracker Guide
Check out my Make a Habit Mentorship Program here to see if it’s right for you
www.valerielavignelife.com/sarah for full show notes and links
[00:26] Valerie LaVigne: You're listening to the women's empowerment podcast, and today I have a very special guest, Sarah Peel on the show. Sarah is a teacher, sustainable fashion educator stylist and advocate for healthy and creative living from 2009 to 2018, she worked with fashion takes action doing whatever needed to get done to run a small but nimble social enterprise, connecting sustainability, human rights, and the fashion industry. Her main joy was creating curriculum, teaching and managing a team of workshop leaders who delivered the my close my world program to over 9000 grade four to 12 students in the Greater Toronto Area. During that time she took a personal interest in learning, studying skills that could help other women bridge the gap between creative self expression, and the perceived notion that a sustainable wardrobe could not be stylish. In 2017 she co founded citizens' with another stylist and personal life coach. So it is its primary focus is to inspire women to become an uprising of everyday influencers for good using their own closet and authentic self expression style is therefore not just an end result, but also a powerful tool to transform lives society and the planet in in a hopeful direction. So doesn't focuses on creating resources, programs, and community to help them and explore personal style, alongside building an ethical and sustainable wardrobe.
Sarah thank you so much for joining me today on the women's empowerment show. It's an absolute pleasure to have you on the podcast.
Sarah Peel: Thank you so much for having me as a guest, I know that many of your episodes. It was not usual for you to have guests so I feel really honored to be here, and also just want to congratulate you on your 20,000 downloads of the podcast that is super exciting, and a real testament to the work that you're doing.
VL: Thank you so much, the recognition means a lot I remember that oh we're almost at 20,000 downloads to my boyfriend he goes. So what do you get for that like an award.
SP: Actually, just validation from the outside world.
[2:42] VL: Exactly. As I talked about it a lot, having a podcast is, it can be a little bit isolating especially when you don't have a lot of guests on the show you're just talking into a microphone you're hoping people are listening and downloading and to see the numbers grow it's been it's been quite an honor and I'm very proud of the work that we're doing and I'm excited to have more people like you on the show I'm honestly I've been really looking forward to this conversation because I know you and I have really similar passions, about style about the environment, so I'm excited to get into some of the methods and methods that you share.
And one of the themes actually that you advocate on is how you're using style as self care, this is something that I'm really excited to learn more about can you tell us more about what this means.
[3:36] SP: Well often I think we've been programmed to think of style as something we do to keep up with trends to look a certain way, but especially now, and in context, you know for future listeners of this podcast. We are in the middle of probably a second wave of the covid 19 pandemic and people are what I noticed as of the spring is that people started to talk about dressing in a very different way. And I had already had this practice of prepping my wardrobe. The night before, and even a week in advance so that it could be part of a healthy.
Simple morning routine that made me feel vital and ready for the day. So that I wasn't spending a lot of time stressing about what I was going to wear and going through three different outfits and then ending up feeling like as I left the house flexed and rushed. So I already had that practice of dressing as part of a routine, as a way of getting myself out the door in a peaceful mindset and ready to face the day. But when the pandemic hit and we were at home.
There was a shift it was less of like.
It was everything was about comfort. And, I mean, I went through this the first two weeks where it was hardly really getting dressed and I felt terrible. And I was like, you know, I think that getting dressed, even though you're not leaving the house is still really important. So, what people need is comfort.
Surely we have more options than our pajama bottoms yoga pants leggings and slippers. Surely there is in our closets where there's like 80% of what we don't wear. Surely there are other options in there that could be considered comfortable and would help us to feel still like we feel like we had some variety and some pizzazz which I would call chic and so I've developed a system a formula for starting the day called the comfy chic form.
And really style is at the core of this daily routine, but it's about more than just getting dressed. And so this is how it goes. It's very simple.
Get up, whenever whenever you do get up. Not everybody gets it I'm an I'm a more of an early morning person so I get up.
But now when people are working from home. Sometimes kids are at home. And so your day has to be really early and other times you're a single person or you just have one other person you're living with. So you could be getting a Petunia regardless. When you get up and you're starting your day. Move.
So, trigger your body to get the blood flowing, breathe, that as the basis is starting to make you feel comfy, to feel good in your skin, because that's the best the best first first layer of your of your outfit is feeling good in your body. So move.
Doesn't have to be long, it could be like 20 minutes have something, meditate or pray. So that's the mindset and also just soul care as well. And then get dressed enough comfy basically oh no groom yourself, basic, you do not have to have full makeup, although sometimes that's depending on who you are, that could be a form of self care maybe that just makes you feel good. I know that often putting on a bright lipstick is a pop of color, helps me feel good, but just wash at very basic level, do something with your hair, wash your face.
Just to create because even, you know the early days of the lockdown people just kind of like gave up taking care of themselves in that way so groom yourself, basic put on a comfy base layer. And I'm encouraging people to think about comfy.
And in a different kind of way. Think about all the things that you have in your before virus closet that are natural fibers that fit in well that you don't they don't make you feel pinched that you can move around in that flow and put those on.
And then chic it up somewhere.
And the the idea around being chic is not extremely motivated at all by trends or anything it's like what brings you joy. Is it colorful scarf. Is it a new way of doing your hair because you're really tired of being at home and you need some variety.
Like, this is the perfect time to play. You're not leaving the home. So you want to do something really like you want to do, Princess Leia ones. Go ahead. Like, there's no one to laugh at you just see if you like it and actually this could be in time to actually play with your clothes in a way that you've never done before because you've been very concerned about what other people would think.
And you lack the confidence to mix patterns or, you know, stack jewelry. And this is a time to kind of play with it, and build your confidence in that.
So that's that's the basic formula. Move, meditate or pray. Take care of your, your appearance, some basic grooming healthy base layer and then shake it up.
And I actually found that as I was doing this and I was trying to. Also I was starting to write about what the process was so we're being very mad about company chic routine.
I found that the days when I didn't do it.
When I was just like, Okay, you know what, I'm just gonna leave this for a couple of days, I would then be like, oh, What's wrong, why do I feel so off. It was like you know what, I didn't get dressed this morning.
It's just reinforcing that this was, I was on to something really good, and I'm not the only one. I'm not the only stylist who's been talking about, you know, COVID sheep or there's, there's a number of different hashtags out there. But yeah, so I really wanted to build on this idea of style as a means of self care and style, not, it's not focused on trends. This is about.
What brings you joy what makes you feel vital. What helps you express who you are. And that really is what style is all about fashion is a trend style is it up showing up as your true self.
That's a quote. That's a, not an exact quote of Oscar de la Renta.
[11:36] VL: I love this method so much and I remember meeting you around that time during the pandemic when you were like, yes I'm creating this compensation formula. And I thought, this is so brilliant This is exactly what I need because as you're saying these things I feel like a dog with a tail between his legs, I am like, Yeah, I don't think I shaved for a long time I don't think that I got showered but you know it was a very because I had to do a type of thing and then at one point I was like, Do I really have to do it and then I just was wearing sweat pants, same sweater and I just felt really blonde it was I was getting down and it was, things were tough and there was so much, you know that that weirdness and I didn't know what was happening, it was it was a very unpredictable time and, and I started to lose the hair in self care and self a little bit too, to be honest.
But as someone who I, I definitely move so movement was a huge part of my everything myself care my daily routine it has been always, and even I started losing that a little bit too. So, like I'm not I'm not just saying I'm the only person that did this I know a lot of people who, who felt this way, in 2020, but you know you get to this point where you have to admit, and we talked about this a little bit before we record is that you have to admit when things aren't going right and you got to stop doing what you're currently doing if you want to.
But as someone who I, I definitely move so movement was a huge part of my everything myself care my daily routine it has been always, and even I started losing that a little bit too. So, like I'm not I'm not just saying I'm the only person that did this I know a lot of people who, who felt this way, in 2020, but you know you get to this point where you have to admit, and we talked about this a little bit before we record is that you have to admit when things aren't going right and you got to stop doing what you're currently doing if you want to.
I think that I need to be more motivated to do this because I'll get on like a little bit of a train I'm like okay, yeah, I'm going to do this every day. I'm going to feel really good in my body I'm going to I'm going to really intentionally pick my wardrobe.
Tell us how we can motivate ourselves a little bit more in the mornings to do this because I'm an early morning person too, but I also have a lot going on and at the back of my mind and like, I don't really need to get dressed and do anything because I'm working from home today and I'm so busy that I don't want to make the time to help me stay motivated.
[14:23] SP: There is a free download of the comfy chic formula. And also a program that leads to where we, you know, gave like 10 basic tips for putting for integrating the company sheet formula into your life. And then there's actually a template. So, are you a planner, many people are their planners like to write things down in notebooks or apps.I think the act of writing things down sometimes.
I'm an old fashioned girl in this, in this way I think there is something very key about actually writing something down on a piece of paper, they do I think studies show that there's a brain connection, in a way that's different than putting something in your online calendar. So to write things down. Even if it's now, I've been doing this wardrobe prepping for at three years now.
A day or two in advance. As a beginner move and just write down in a notebook. You don't have to download our planner or anything like that it's, it's just a way of stating, or being intentional by writing it down, and then taking a look in your closet for those things are they available to you are they clean Are they ready, like do you need to wash them. Putting them aside, maybe on a hook on the back of your bedroom door so they're available to us so that it's easy to get them.
And so that's something you would do the night before, when you get up in the morning, even if it's a really busy day, especially when we're working from home, or even if we're working outside of the home right now like just having that anchor and anchor point when things are so unpredictable in this world to have something that is predictable. Is it just allows your brain and your body to breathe deeper, because you're not.
You're not adding another layer of decision making.
You know you're cutting down on the decision making, that you have to do at the beginning of the day. And if you are working from home, sometimes the work life balance. Like there is none everything flows into everything else. And then the deep part of the lockdown. You know my husband and I would say is it Wednesday was it Sunday.
Like, what time of the day is it like we were going to bed at 3am and getting up at 10am.
So, having, and we're not really writing. Beyond that right now. But having that those two acres of like at the end of the day, being ready for your day, when you get up in the morning, because, you know, everything is kind of laid out and ready for you. And at the beginning of the day when you wake up to have that anchor of the movement, meditation, basic grooming.
[17:51] VL: Yeah, I think this is so important. I love how you kind of you chunk it down a little bit so when you were first talking about how you plan your week in advance, I'm thinking, oh that's very interesting because I am a planner. I do like to write things down but I think personally for me it's just about taking the time to open the closet and see okay what's going on here, what can I start, what would I like to wear what do I love and maybe I don't wear it all the time.
But it's comfortable and it's chic and it's amazing and, and, I think, Well you've definitely inspired me I feel like this is what I want to do this. After this call.
And that's awesome, awesome things together because. The other thing is I remember this was years ago when I was really into money mindset was you know you want to dress like the future you have the million dollar view, and they ask questions like what the million dollar or with a millionaire salary be in their bed working on their on their business from their computer, and maybe maybe they aren't maybe that's part of the lifestyle that you like but maybe it's not the way you see yourself as a millionaire so that millionaire is at a desk, and so then I was like oh, I'm gonna invest in a desk because I don't want to be that person who is working from their back. And then the other questions were like, what are they wearing Look what do they look like how do they hold themselves, and you really start to be more intentional intentional about what you how you are, how you are presenting yourself every day your gravity tasks, your style. Your attitude and it comes out a lot in your fashion and in your style and what you're wearing. And it's such like it's such an important reminder but we've totally lost this and funny with the lockdown and with all these things happening because it was so easy so easy just to say who cares about it.
[19:58] SP: Yeah, that's so interesting. How about losing yourself and how the act of dressing for yourself to care for yourself but also with, you know, a creative flair that is uniquely you is self is self reinforcing is reinforcing this is who I am. Especially when the things that we would normally rely on are topsy turvy. This is something you can control.
And there's another yep there's another reason I'm just, I mean of course I've thought of this before but in context of this conversation, it's like yes, there's so many things that you cannot control right now that you have no choice over. This is something that you choose this is something that you can control.
VL: Absolutely. And when we talk about style and self care, and we look at what self care is it's taking the time taking the having the intention to care for yourself because you are basically you're showing up in your worth. So, when you are practicing self care, it's when you feel your best and when you are like is that reinforcing it, you're reinforcing the worth of who you are and what you are and that changes your energy so much. And like I said I have like I personally lost that I lost part of myself because I wasn't caring for myself in this way, I was focusing so much on all of the other moving pieces of my life and I was trying to control things that I couldn't control anymore things that were changing so quickly. And what I should have been doing, you know should have been doing, and don't should on yourself I know right so what I could have been doing like going a little bit more internal and saying, Okay, I'm going to take this time to to really focus on me to focus on what I need and and what my body needs and what my mindset needs the movement the meditation. The grooming, the comfy chic formula that you've created it's, it's the perfect framework for an every day.
Like reset into who we are. And I know that so when I was in grade 11 in high school, I really wanted to be in fashion I want to be in fashion. I love the fashion industry like loved it. And there's a lot of reasons why I didn't get into it, but one of the things that kind of deterred me away from it was, at the time, I was learning about fast fashion and just really didn't agree with the whole thing. And then I kind of was like, Okay, well, what's a sustainable way which wasn't the word at the time, because that's not what I was learning, but I was thinking like, okay, while I was learning about like hemp fabric basically, this is a long time ago. Anyway, and when I looked at people who were, you know, reducing reusing or recycling, that kind of thing. It was just the clothes were ugly and I didn't. It did not resonate with me I did not love the style that was kind of the trending eco friendly fabrics and all the things at the time. However, I was really in to thrifting, and not only was it a really fun way for me to express myself and be very different because that was a huge part of my identity, growing up, especially in high school was, I'm very different from other people and I, I showed that in the way that I dressed. But what was so interesting is that I'd had people come up to me and say wow this is such a cool shirt or such cool sweater where'd you get these jeans. Oh my god, your outfit looks so amazing but it's so unique and different I could never wear something like that. And my answer was always I thrift a bit, and it's all about the confidence. If you're not sure about putting something on. Just be as confident as you possibly can and you are going to rock it and I know that when I'm wearing sweatpants and my hair is I've been a messy bun. I'm not always feeling my most confidence.
But however, that being said, there are times when I am wearing sweat pants and my hair is up
[23:40] SP: unless you choose it, like, Are you being intentional about like this is this the day to be in my sweatpants and messy back. Yes, instead of it happening to you, by default, you're choosing. Exactly, exactly. And I really let me kind of kind of go back to what you said about how confidence is is like the greatest beauty aid. Like, it doesn't matter if it's on trend in style, or if it clashes somewhat or it's a bit unusual. When you are, let's say you're you're wearing something that's not one of your colors or is, you're not wearing clothes that and there's a. And I do believe in formulas sometimes if they serve you, but I'm referencing like some shopping you're wearing clothes that are appropriate for your body shape.
Let's say you want to wear something that's, you know, not in line with what your body shape is but you love it you love that color or that shape. Use you show up, and you look awesome, because it's the style is coming from something that's inside of you.
Yeah. also great thing about experimenting going back to the opportunity to play with the clothes in your closet. And these times when we're working from home to just experiment and see like how do you feel at the end of the day when you have like worn two patterns together. Did you feel fun, like in. So it could you, you could use this opportunity for those baby steps of building your creative dressing muscles.
Can I talk about what I'm wearing today?
[26:30] VL: Yes, I was just gonna say please tell me what you're wearing because you have this stunning necklace on, and I get it, we have to get a picture of you in this outfit so I can put on the show notes.
SP: So I got dressed according to the company chic formula this morning, and I feel like I'm also wearing a sustainable outfit, but it's not maybe what you might think. So I'm wearing a Navy turtleneck. It's November weather's starting to get cold. But like a turtleneck. This is from a Canadian brand called cotton kayo tm, and all of their cotton is organically grown and Fairtrade from a couple of specific farms in Egypt. So love to can like there's so many great things that like fair trade people are paid a fair wage.It's organic, and it's a Canadian small it's like an independent rent.
And then I have a necklace that is also. It's from just one, it's just another Canadian small Canadian brand. This woman works directly with Ugandan and Kenyan artisans women who have often been in the sex trade and who are learning a skill, and these are paper based beads. I love this necklace because it's like, it's so simple, it's so light but it's like such a statement peace, and for a week. See me like you're gonna have a picture in the show notes, but it's like it's like a breastplate of beads. So it's often something that's in regular rotation in my wardrobe.
And then I have a pair of jeans on there dark denim skinny jeans. Okay there from the gap. which people wouldn't shock. If you know from the sustainable and ethical point of view but let me tell you, I am buying these because the pair of jeans I had before to death. I needed a new pair of jeans, I'm on a budget. I bought them on sale, but I didn't. I'm not over consuming on sale shopping. I mean I think that's the important part, I do not, I'm over feeling guilt about shopping occasionally and fast fashion brand, I think it's really is the amount that we shop fast fashion. And the fact that we don't care for clothes that we do have, once we buy them.
So the other thing that's kind of sustainable about these is that they didn't fit me when they arrived in the mail. And I took them to my tailor so that she could do something called a waist and seat. It's like a basically a big talk at the back. And these skinny jeans as you. I'm sure all of your listeners have had this experience when you get a pair of skinny jeans, and they within 30 minutes they start falling off your body, because the spandex stretches. Anyways, these pants feel great on me because I don't ever have to hoist them up.
So, I will wear them.
And also, just as a note about gap. gap is one of the brands that is on a path forward sure they're still fast fashion brands, there's so many things that could be doing, way, way, way better, but it's better than shopping forever 21 for example.
And then I have a pair of leopard sneakers on that are just fun, and they are not from a sustainable brand I bought them at winners. They're just fun, and they're One of the things that I put, I wear regularly. When I just you know how Papa fun. I don't have a huge collection of sneakers, but I have this one pair, that's, you know, leopard.
[30:00] VL: Oh my gosh, I've been looking for a cool pair of sneakers like that so I'm gonna have to check winners out.
Well, Sarah, this has been such a great conversation I want to get into our final segment of the show but before we do let us know where we can find you where we can follow you and how we can support your business.
SP: Well you can find me on Instagram at citizen, Sarah. and you will find my wholehearted life their business, home, cats, all the things that I'm up to, and I'd love to interact with you there. And in the links you'll actually find a way to find citizen at home, and all the other things that I'm working on
VL: very amazing tell us a little bit more about citizen home
[31:02] SP: Citizenne at Home is a life and style program to help us thrive. While we are surviving. Not just surviving but thriving in this pandemic so we have developed skills from the first lockdown, but we're exhausted. We're totally exhausted with this drill. And in some ways we need a little bit of a reminder of what we can do with our habits, which I know you love to talk about our daily routines that just help us feel good in, in our bodies, and I would like to say that the foundations for a great outfit are like feeling good in your skin so the comfy chic formula, which is the foundation to the course but then from there we talk about self care. We think about budgeting, because our, you know in our lives. We've our economy is totally being stressed out. You don't hear my cat running around in the background.
We've been totally our finances have been stretched and stressed. And so having a household budget is a great way to do that. And, of course, clothing budget is a part of that, everything, all the different parts of citizen at home.
Have style at the core. And then we look at, you know, the homes, the places that we are living and how to address clutter and specifically the clutter that's in our closets so that we can enjoy our spaces as if they are like a waste disease. And finally, how to make an impact with your closet during these times it's kind of hard to understand what we have the power to make a difference on especially if we're stuck at home, but your clothes are a great place to start. So kind of looks at all of those components, you can do it in two weeks, or two months. You can do it as a self study, or you can do it with two hours of 30 minutes sessions with me. So that's the VIP coaching aspect.
VL: It sounds like the coffee chic formula we talked about today just expanded into so many more facets of our wardrobe and obviously our home and our lifestyle so I really like how you're bringing in this, this, education, and this quality of a more holistic lifestyle I think this is exactly when we need to get to 2021, I just. It sounds like the coffee chic formula we talked about today just expanded into so many more facets of our wardrobe and obviously our home and our lifestyle so I really like how you're bringing in this, this, education, and this quality of a more holistic lifestyle I think this is exactly when we need to get to 2021, I just.
And I'm kind of cringing right now because I definitely have to take care of. So, this sounds like a great starting point to you. Absolutely. You're right on with the, you know, taking a holistic approach to living with style at the core.
I love that well said so we can find that in your Instagram at the link in the bio I'll also put it in the show notes for today's episode, which will be available at Valerie living life.com, forward slash Sarah with an H. And our final round is our rapid fire round, I Oh, wait.
SP: ait I wanted to mention that I'd like to offer a 30% discount to your listeners, and you can get that using the code empowerment 30
RAPID FIRE ROUND
[35:17] What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?
SP: So, I am reading through whole bunch of fashion magazines, from the fall issues but also the you know the first issues of 2021. Specifically, when Black Lives Matter and the anti racist movement.
Just rose up during the summer, and continues, really wanted to look at how that was playing out in the fashion scene. Especially, and there's of course a sub conversation happening around the sustainable fashion movement, and just really it's been very interesting to me to find the critique and the way forward. Around representation, not just for black people but black indigenous and people of color so I've been looking at the issues that I've been talking about that. And then for fun, but also it's in satire I am reading a book called self care by Lee Stein. And it's great, it's about a self care influencer who's life just goes wrong.
And it really makes you laugh at the self care industry is this a kind of bougie instagrammable thing, and makes you ask that question like what is true self care. So I've been enjoying reading that.
BOOK: Self Care by Leigh Stein
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/search/ref=as_li_qf_sp_sr_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=valerielavi01-20&keywords=selfcare leigh&index=aps&camp=15121&creative=330641&linkCode=xm2&linkId=ccc6ee5338f0e08e463700452566fd8d
[37:57] What does empowerment mean to you?
SP: This is a great question. I think that it means for women's specifically the freedom to try things. And to fail, without that crush of not being enough. Well you failed because you're not enough, you're not good enough. And I think there's a lot of pressure on women to be perfect, or to do all the things. And when we're truly empowered by ourselves by the people around us. We have the freedom to just try it and see where it goes. We have the freedom to be curious. when we're truly empowered by ourselves by the people around us. We have the freedom to just try it and see where it goes. We have the freedom to be curious.
[39:06] What do you love most about being a woman?
SP: I'm going to say, the adaptability. And that kind of like endless creativity of the daily practice, you think of women, and what they do to make life happen around them they're usually the people who, organizing, and this is, you know, we share this with men and our partners, for sure. But women are usually the ones who are organizing the home menus social events.
All the things to do with their kids. And that's a creative act. And you have to be incredibly adaptable, as well. And I think, I mean, who's to say I'm not, I'm not gonna say we're better at it than men. But the women that I know are way more flexible and can handle, thinking about four or five different things at a time. Sometimes it gets too much so there's a flip side to this, but I would say that. I think it's really cool how adaptable and creative we are.
[40:49] What are you currently working toward?
SP: There's a lot of things that I'm kind of working towards but i'm gonna i'm going to share the fact that I'm working towards mothering. How to mother, because I have my husband and I have not been able to have kids. And we've also decided, I mean, we did all the things. Many of the things, but we've decided not to pursue adoption, or fostering, and I still have a great desire to mother. And so I'm looking at different ways to fulfill that need.
visit: www.valerielavignelife.com/deanna for the full show notes to this episode.
[0:29] Valerie LaVigne: You're listening to the women's empowerment podcast. Today I am super excited because I get to welcome Deanna Francis to the show. Deana spent 12 years bouncing around from job to job seeking more fulfillment, looking for purpose, she allowed others opinions and their limiting beliefs to guide her decisions. Deanna knew deep in her soul that she had so much more to offer the world than the confinement of the cubicle walls. Now Deana helps others stop conforming to society's norms, thinking they need to pick just one idea, and have one passion, and master, one thing. She encourages trying things and learning how to move and learning how to move on when they no longer serve you.
Deanna Welcome to the show I'm so excited to have you here. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to dive in and chat with you.
So Deanna and I met kind of through a mutual friend in a previous guest on the show so we were really excited when we started to connect to learn more about each other and how we have very similar values and beliefs.
I'm really excited to have her on the show I feel like Deanna You're such a valuable teacher because you've lived this really cool kind of brave and empowering of life, and I know that we've said a little bit about your, your journey in the intro, and how we kind of get to, to break through the norms right you encourage us to break through those norms and to not have to pick one idea and I feel like, personally, this is something that I struggle with a little bit, so many ideas I've seen many passions for a long time. I really believed that I needed to pick just one.
Do people tell you that all the time?
[2:27] Deanna Frances: You know, I always kind of knew that my brain work differently. I'm in my late 30s. So, like, the Nomad life and the trying different things and having multiple careers wasn't really my, you know, age bracket I think it's more acceptable now in the early 20s and the millennials, But, yeah, for me, I always kind of, I just tried things and when they didn't feel right anymore I moved on and I got a lot of pushback in the corporate world right like my family was okay with it they encouraged my imagination and my curiosity and exploring things but in the, in the work world and in my profession is where I got a lot of pushback and we can dive into that a little bit more but yeah I really do I encourage people to try things and to really listen to that whisper of the curiosity, because it's there for a reason and there's a reason that something strikes your curiosity versus strike, my curiosity, and that's what makes these conversations and society so amazing is because we're not all triggered by the same things, you know.
[3:42] VL: Yes, absolutely I've definitely felt those like polls in those callings and they feel so out of alignment with what I think I should be doing, and I feel like when you think you should be doing something like should is a swear word in my mind. Stop shoulding yourself is what I keep telling people and myself as well. But what I want to know is, when we feel that calling and when it's going against the norms of society or our family. What is it that we can do to really come back into our alignment of what works for us, and not conforming to just society or our family's ideas?
[4:23] DF: I think that is a perfect segway to start talking about core personal values, because those are your guiding principles and when you're not living in alignment with your values and what's important to you, you're gonna feel that resistance, and that shooting on yourself it's funny because I say the same thing I have a whole episode about not shitting on yourself.
I'm right there with you but I think that's when we get that resistance from really feeling like we're stepping into our own and living our truest version of ourselves is when we're going against our core personal values, and just to kind of give you a little background from my corporate life I attended you know multiple seminars and they were always talking about how these companies would have mission statements and core values you know integrity and customer service and all the things and I'm like, what about the people like why aren't they teaching the people how to, how to discover their own personal values because you know that's the basis of everything that we're doing is what's most important to us and it doesn't mean that you know you shun somebody for them having their values, they're just different and that's okay.
[5:41] VL: Yes, I definitely know what you're saying with kind of the big picture is great for the business but it's the people who make the business what it is. So, how do we discover our core values, how do we get that clarity on, on what our core values are?
DF: Yes, so I can provide you with a link to a guide that I have, but I'll walk you through briefly the three steps so I call it 1) Choose 2) Define and 3)Align. And so I have a list of about 100 common and I put that in air quotes common values that people would choose. And so I tell people to spend about three to five minutes, and just go with your gut, your first intuition circle, the words that stand out to you, the ones that you go I cannot imagine my life without that I need that in my life that's extremely important to me, and there's going to be overlap words you know like honesty and trust those are very similar. Right.
And then the next step is where you combine those overlap words to really define your core values and I tell people to choose between three and five as their guiding principles when they're making decisions. And the cool thing is is you get to define it. So let's say, you know, creativity is a value of yours, I'm gonna have a different definition than you, which is cool. I love that part of it, and then the alignment piece is to start making small decisions based on those three to five values that you've defined for yourself. And once you start using those to make small decisions in your life, like, even your next vacation, which might not be a small decision to somebody, but let's just say a weekend getaway. Start using your core values to decide where you want to go. Who do you want to be with. Why do you want to go? And then once you start using it on those smaller decisions again air quotes, then you start to incorporate them into major decisions like, you know, quitting your job starting a business starting a podcast whatever those, those larger things in your life are.
[7:52] VL: I really, I've never really heard about it in those three steps but I like how you've broken them down. I've definitely seen those lists I know that I've I've I've had those resources on my, my pages and my podcasts as well with this is like a variety of words you can choose, but it's also important to you know to pull from outside of the box write what feels good for us and leaning into that, that feel good feeling.
And then it's true, right because defining creativity for you is definitely going to be different for me and not something that I actually learned this year, one of my core values is adventure. And I'd like to travel and traveling has changed a little bit.
So, instead of you know these big trips or I'm on a plane and I'm leaving the country or the province. I've tried different things in like a local area so my partner and I went through top tracking which I've never done before I don't know if you've dropped it on this, but it's basically like zip lining and tree climbing and rock climbing, and it's like an obstacle course, it was so much fun. And it was like an afternoon that we spent together the two of us. It was tons of adventure tons of laughs like exercise activity all the things, and it was great.
So I think the definite like the defining piece to those three steps is so important because it also helps us see where we can align, like you said, the core values into our lives and I really like how you said, using not to make smaller decisions, because it is kind of closer to the new year and we're starting to think about goals and resolutions and part of me just wants to like, shake it off if someone says like what are your New Year's resolutions because what even our new year's resolutions, I think we should start a new trend of redefining our core values at the beginning of every year and then aligning them in our daily lives. I feel like we just started something brand new.
[10:00] DF: We did, and not we should we're going to are going to you cannot meet. And you know I'm gonna I'm gonna circle back real quick on your adventure because I also have adventure, as a core value of mine, which isn't surprising that that's common, you know, for us, but I define it as soaking in wherever you're at so whether that's nature its architecture its food and sitting in the chaos, or sitting in the stillness like all of that is adventure to me and to give you a real life example of how I incorporate adventure into my daily routine. If I have a longer commute than normal.
You know to go see a client or something. I'll pop into a new coffee shop on my way, I'll take a different route than I normally would take I'll stop at, you know a place for a smoothie and just sit there for 20 minutes without my phone and just enjoy everything. And so, to give the listener you know a tangible thing that they can think about themselves is those adventure isn't these big grand, you know airplane trips to another country like you were just mentioning sometimes they are you know smaller adventures with whatever society right now allows us to do so. I'm glad that you mentioned that. And yes, let's talk about this fresh start for the new year with defining the values.
So yeah, I think it's I think it's extremely important to do it every year I actually do I reevaluate my reevaluate mine twice a year. Personally, and I've had the same. I've had three core values, the same for five years, And I've revolved in if that's the right word to say two different ones each time I redo them.
[11:57] VL: That's really cool and I think it's important for people to remember that the core values can change. I know when I first started learning about them I'm like, Well, now my core values are this, but then, last year my core values were this and remember we're humans we're always growing we're always changing, we're always learning, and as we expand our core values are going to expand and change, and we'll, they will re evolve and evolve.
That's really cool and I think it's important for people to remember that the core values can change. I know when I first started learning about them I'm like, Well, now my core values are this, but then, last year my core values were this and remember we're humans we're always growing we're always changing, we're always learning, and as we expand our core values are going to expand and change, and we'll, they will re evolve and evolve.
[12:53] DF: That's a really good question. I don't think I've ever been asked that question and it's it's challenging for me to answer because I know it internally, so I'm going to try to explain it the best way that I can is, I feel like your intuition, are you follows your value system, and you have this guide with you, 24 seven right which is your intuition following your value system and as you mentioned they changed. So, so two habits, as we evolve and we grow. Um, so I think for me, having my values, multiple places throughout my house and just kind of reiterating them throughout the day, helps me keep those habits. So again I'm, I'm a real life example kind of person so personal development is a core value of mine. Now every single morning, I make sure that I do something that is expanding my brain. Now, I've just, I just completed 60 days of meditation five minutes every morning I never thought I would ever call myself a meditator right and here I am, I feel like an expert now.
But that was a habit that I decided to create for my own personal growth and personal development. So, just having that in the forefront of my brain, as I'm going through my day, really helps my habits form to those values, which again are my intuition my intuition told me try this meditation thing again Deanna you haven't been able to do it your practice is kind of sucking. Just try this and so I listened right I listened to that whisper because I quieted all the outside noise. Does that answer the question I know it's kind of a long winded answer.
VL: Yeah, I think that was great I think it was a really great example as well because we're, we're tapping into. Okay. What does that feel good spot where is my intuition leading me, and when you said personal development, I thought of something very different. My intuition took me into reading and books and following those mentors that I always think about. And it's funny because about, I think last year I was really into and very consistent with reading for a long time I would also do podcasts, and then at one point, I just felt like I needed to put the books down, and I needed to stop absorbing that information of what other people were saying, and start taking action for myself. And I actually haven't read. I don't think I've read a book this year. No, that's not true. I don't think I read personal development book this year, which is crazy for me because that would have been. But again, it's not changed for me, and a saturating example of how we can tap into our intuition for people who have a little bit more of like a monkey mind or a little bit restless. What are some other ways that we can tap into our intuition?
[15:58] That is so that's such a good question too because I am the monkey mind I don't know if you're familiar with the inia Graham but I'm a, I'm a seven, which is the enthusiast and it's like, I am on to the next best thing. You know the second my mind can go that way. And so yeah, other ways to calm that monkey mind, I have found journaling is huge. And I'll do a brain dump. Every morning, every single morning I get out whatever was on my mind from that night before. I'll even do like to do list my journaling. I'm not strict on it I just journal. And so that one's big you set aside for meditation. I find that I am able to do walking meditation.
And I don't even know if, if I would call it, meditation, but just getting out in the fresh air and depending on where you live what part of the country or what country you're in. I live in Arizona. So, we have pretty good weather all year round but if I'm just in one of those news I just can't calm my mind, I just go step outside even if I just sit in the sun on my back patio for 10 minutes and just like chill out and I think that's another thing with society and the society norms, it's like if you're not go go go. You're falling behind. You're stagnant. Right. But the more time I give myself to chill to hit the reset and to relax and take time for myself, the more productive I become, and the less monkey mind I am so it's like it's so opposite of what you would think right.
[17:39] VL:It is a little bit especially because we're told about, you know, you have to go You have to be busy like people were busy like a badge. And when I catch myself replying to somebody says hey how's it going, what are you been up to. I and I catch myself saying, I'm so busy, like and I really am very busy, but people are like oh well that's good and I always, I stopped that right then and there is a no it's not really good. I don't like being this busy productive obviously is amazing, but I know that when I'm telling people that like oh I'm really busy or I see my calendar is just like back to back to back. I know that I'm not scheduling in that that reset that self care, those daily habits that help me, align so that I can be a better person so that I can enter my zone of genius so that I can get hold of the things done. And I feel like those are little cues and information from our body, because intuition, for me anyway, isn't just sitting and breathing or walking and feeling calm because I do also have a monkey mind. Sometimes it's just like, really interrupting the day to day, dizziness, right, whether it's like a midday bath, which I think we're going to have today, or a midday walk if you're not someone who is doing that.
Just little things that interrupt that daily habit and then also the noise of other things going on like stop the scroll. You know what I mean?
[19:00] DF: Yeah it is finding that noise and I, I say it's not necessarily the outside voices, it's our internal voices and I think that's my biggest takeaway I just recorded an episode on this on my 60 days that five minutes of meditation which some people might sound so silly but I'm so proud of it like knowing my monkey mind can do it. What I found is that I'm able to stop myself in the middle of a repetitive negative thought. And that to me was like, Whoa, that's what they're all these gurus these meditation gurus are talking about when they say stay in the present moment it's recognizing that thought. And having the the bandwidth to to shift, and to think of something different and saying to yourself like is this serving me, is this going to benefit my relationship, my, you know, professional endeavor whatever it is that you're thinking about And if the answer is like no this isn't benefiting me it's not positive, then you have the ability to change it and I think that that that's just so huge and powerful, but it goes back to what's important to you. Right, it all goes back to those values and. And why do you want to do this and I want to I want to bring something up real quick while it while I'm still on this value thing, you know, going back to like, I don't want to say I don't value my family, because it might sound bad but value family is not a value of mine, but it is for a lot of people that I talked to. So in the morning, if that is a value of yours to circle back how you can like add this to your, your daily routine.
Get up 1015 minutes earlier, wake your kids up 1015 minutes earlier and have breakfast with them. Ask them what they're most excited about for the day. Right. So those are the little things that people aren't really necessarily thinking about they're like, I value my family that means I'm going to work really really freaking hard for my family and to provide and to do all these things and it's like, just back it up a little bit. So as you start this new year and you're laying your foundation just think of things like that like your morning is how you're setting your entire day, which is setting your week and your months and on and on so yeah like figure out what those values are and then start using them on the daily.
[21:37] VL: I love that you, you said foundation because, really, this is an opportunity for us to live out this new year with our core values as that foundation and allowing us to really simplify that, especially in the beginning, especially if this is new to to anyone listening and it's like oh core values I never really thought of this before, or how to implement it.
I would say for myself I want to practice, I'm going to practice this for this new year is that I'm going to lay out my core values. I'm going to create the little daily habits to align with them, but I also want to reevaluate that what's working, what's not working, maybe a couple months in three months in every quarter just kind of like you said you do it twice a year. I wouldn't mind like adding to that habit or stacking the habit. With this new, but this foundation of what I've defined as my adventure, my family, my whatever the habit or the core value is part of me. I love that and congratulations for doing 60 days, non stop of meditation. That is huge.
DF: It really is. Thank you for not for not letting me discount that, because it is it was a big deal for me, because I yeah I've tried for four years I've had insight timer on my phone for probably two or three years and I've used it. 50 times maybe and just haven't been able to stay consistent so yeah yeah that was a big deal and I want to touch on, on, I think I mentioned earlier that I have my values like everywhere I have them plastered everywhere. What I mean by that is like my phone my desktop my laptop, you know my fridge. But I'm glad you said what you just said because even taking one value, a week, let's say, so you get your three to five whatever it is if you have seven that's cool too. Not a big deal, but taking one, and that entire week, focusing on one thing, a day that you're going to incorporate that value into your life.
And do I mean you could do a month of personal development, you could do a day of adventure like whatever is gonna work for you. But experiment that's what's fun about it is it's like it's your definition is your value and you get to incorporate it however you want.
VL: You know, I think that is so great. I'm so glad that you mentioned that and I do have a question about your, your meditation because you said you've tried it several times, what do you think changed. This time, that you were able to stick with it for 60 days?
[24:17] DF: That is a great question. You are so good at this. You are so good at these questions, which is why you're a podcast host. So I got rid of all the pressure. I didn't intend to do it for 60 days. My friend was doing it within site timer with this five minute feature that you could do with three minutes, five minutes whatever you could set the time. And she had done it for 30 days and I thought, huh. I'm just going to do it for seven, because I know myself, I know if I put so much pressure and I tried doing this 30 days. It just feels so restrictive that I give up at day five and I'm like I can't do it. You know I've done that so many times on various things like I can't even tell you. And, yeah, once I let go of the. Alright, I stopped putting the pressure on myself, I should say, is when seven days turned into 14 and I was like oh, I'll just go another seven. So I broke it down into smaller increments.
[25:18] VL: That's so helpful and we're starting to implement an align these core values. What do you think would be some other kind of roadblocks or limiting beliefs or things like that that would hold us back, how can we can we overcome those and we're aligning our core values?
DF: worrying about what other people are gonna think that's a huge one. And if you're listening, and you're thinking already like, oh, what if I put this one thing as my value what's my family gonna think or my co workers or whatever and it's like, the more you show up for yourself and understand what is driving your decisions, big and small, the better you're going to be for those people in your life. So I think that's a major roadblock that people have because I before COVID I would host workshops on exactly what we're talking about is defining and aligning the values. And that was one question like I would give is like, or they would talk about their husband or their significant other like sure I like this or I value this but they don't like that's why they're personal to you, and I recommend people do them for themselves. This guy. You do it your significant other does it, and then you see where there's overlap. And that's what my boyfriend and I did we realize we have so many differences, but we have one that is super important to us and it's an adventure. So that's one roadblock that people have another roadblock is, like you said, I think, is people overcomplicate it, it's like simplify it, you know, um, and I think the guide will really help because I talk about how to use overlap words, there's a lot of people like oh I have like these 20 words and they're also similar What do I do and it's like, pick one. Just pick one and define it, and you can change it in a week if it doesn't feel good. Like you keep going back to that feeling right. It doesn't feel good in a week. You can change it, it's your value that's totally fine.
VL: Yeah, those are really good I'm glad that you mentioned the worrying about what other people think, too, because a lot of the times when we start something new that really lights us up and is in alignment with what feels good for us, what we're actually doing is giving other people permission to do the same. And more often than not, they're inspired by what we're doing, versus threatened by it, or confused by it, or a little bit, they usually people don't think that we're radical for bettering ourselves. I mean, obviously, not everyone is in the same alignment or doesn't have the same core values but it also doesn't have to be a very extreme habit or a very extreme new way that we're living at our lifestyles, it could be like journaling, that's a really private thing that, you know, you're taking your time to journal, no one has to read your journal if you don't want them to. It doesn't have to be like everyone isn't around in the circle journaling together. That's a huge thing. It's a private thing for you to do so. But I think those points are really good because there are so many things in our mind that could hold us back. I know that I like to complicate things for sure. 60 days? Let's do it for a year.
[28:38] DF:Exactly, exactly what I'm talking about I mean you hit the nail on the head, and I in that guide that I'm going to provide the link for and you'll you'll add to the show notes, I'm sure.
I talked about the feelings that you're tying to these values and so, just to touch on that real quick.
I like to, I like to have people think of something that made them mad recently like what pissed you off what frustrated you and where did you feel it in your body, did your shoulders get tired your stomach get a knock your face was all heated up, and then opposite to that, what happened when your husband unloaded the dishwasher without a us gain I mean it's something seems so small, but you felt so good. Where did you feel that you felt light right like your shoulders became less tense your stomach felt good you just felt good. And so as you're going through defining your core values. That's what I want people to tie those values to when I say like imagine your life without this theme, like take adventure away we all kind of had that taken away from us during the beginning of COVID, we found ways to get creative. Right. But if you imagine your life without that theme like, what does that make you feel like and where do you feel that in your body, and then that again going back to using this on the daily on a daily basis is you're trying to get away from the things that make you feel crappy and move towards the things that make you feel good, and that to me is pretty quite the alignment.
[30:16] VL: Yeah, absolutely. Our bodies are really incredible things where they're constantly communicating with us they're constantly giving us information about what's good, what's not good for us. And I feel like when we're so caught up in the mind and we're so caught up, especially the monkey minds. We lose touch with that physical with those physical signals that we're getting all the time. All the time. So I really yeah I'm really glad you said that and I will link the guide. And, as well as your information in the show notes page, which is available at Valerie levine.com forward slash Deanna EAA and so it's really easy to find, for your listeners today. Speaking of finding you. Where can we find you. Where can we follow you, how can we support your business.
[31:07] DF: Thank you. Well, I am most active on Instagram, gave a Facebook of the beginning of 2020, because it was just too much to try to keep, keep track of it all so add lean into curiosity is my handle for Instagram, that's also my podcast. So on there, on my bio there is a link to my website as well. So, one stop shop Instagrams usually the best place.
http://leanintocuriosity.com
[31:33] VL: Amazing. We will include that link too. I feel like today was such a great episode I feel like the entire thing was a one big juicy nugget. It's like one of those. One of those that nesting dolls called. I feel like we opened one juicy nugget. And then the next and then the next and you just keep opening it and it's all these little takeaways.
I feel like we can start, we can start anywhere, especially with just choosing those three to five core values and getting started with this new year. Fresh Start which I feel like everyone needs.
DF: I said that to somebody the other day I was like, Ah, you know we're all looking forward to New Year's like yeah well we were all looking forward to 2022, I was like, stop it. Don't say that.
VL: Just cover your ears La la la la. Oh my god. But you know what, that just I feel like it just brings us back into the present more and more. When we don't over plan or overthink or overlook into too much of the future, when we focus on our core values, but they're going to align us to where we need to be because we're getting into that zone of genius we're getting into our feel good spot and things just open up from there. So, this is a this is a great way to start this new adventure, we'll call it.
[32:53] DF: Yes. And, and by understanding your values, too, and living in alignment with them you're going to attract the right people at the right time for the right reasons. And that's been my motto through all of this cluster we've all been going through together it's just, okay, this is, this is happening. And everything is happening the way that it's supposed to happen.
RAPID FIRE ROUND
- What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?
Danielle Laporte - Desire Map
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1622032519/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=valerielavi01-20&creative=330641&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1622032519&linkId=b25e534a5c9372521e90972886c70818
- What do you love most about being a woman?
I love having a cycle that I can follow and understanding what's happening to my hormones throughout my cycle, and using that to my advantage, there's times where you're more productive. Because your estrogen is higher, there's times where you're more internal because your estrogen is lower, and I have been obsessed with thinking my cycle for three years now, and I think. Yeah, having the emotions I feel like sometimes as women we're like, taught to kind of push them down and really leaning into those emotions is huge. So, I have a weird answer.
- What does “empowerment” mean to you?
Giving people, and yourself permission to be authentic.
- What are you currently working toward?
I am working towards. Six Figure business with multiple revenue streams. And so I recently I think we met, I mentioned this before we hit record I have a podcast management company, and I'm an a consultant and I have the podcast myself. And so I didn't want to put all my eggs in one basket and so that's what I'm working towards I'm working towards really being creative and everything that I do and having these multiple pieces and then tying them all together, I just that excites me.
Visit www.valerielavignelife.com/110 for the full show notes and links!
[2:18] #1. How can we recognize when a healthy habit is no longer serving us? When can we know it’s time to move on vs just not feeling motivated?
[3:14] #2. How do we prevent feeling guilty/bad/lazy if we miss our habits?
[4:34] #3 I’m looking for a healthy habit when it comes to eating more whole foods, but not actually having to prepare, cook, steam, whole foods. Implementing small habits here and there to eat better.
[7:39] #4 How to find balance between not pushing myself too hard (which I always do aka ignore my body) and balance staying motivated and fairly consistent with something like workouts?
Right now I’m loving small goals, and it’s really working for me so maybe that’s me answering myself lol but I’m sure there’s others like me where it’s all or nothing instead of listening to your body and adjusting your expectations that day.
Struggling with the extremes of GO ALL OUT, VS DO NOTHING.
[9:43] #5 Do you have a couple different morning rituals? Like say you have endless time, then you do your mega am ritual, if you’re running late, than you have like one or two ritual items that are non negotiable? If so, what are your non negotiable rituals?
[12:15] #6 Not making play worthy, or not allowing time for fun and feeling guilty when I’m not getting work done. I tell myself that the thing that is fun and brings me joy isn’t important enough/productive enough.
[14:58] #7 I would love to create and stick with a more productive morning ritual, both personally and professionally! Adding into the current morning ritual (walk + lemon water… now we want to add stretching + meditation as well)
[17:46] #8 We got into talking about motivation and how it changes. We also got into the topic of self love and self kindness.
[19:00] #9 Struggles with transitioning from one-activity-to-the-next. How can we master and have these transitions in our everyday life?
[22:43] #10 What needs to get done BEFORE your habit? Are there any foreseeable obstacles that could hold you back from doing the habit/do the feeling?
Join the upcoming HEALTHY HABIT WORKSHOP at www.valerielavignelife.com/workshop
www.valerielavigne.com/109 for all the show notes and extra links, recipes and more!
Mistletoe Margarita Recipe + More festive beverages!
[3:06] Fifth most popular episode #94 Natural Tools for Healthy Habits
[4:58] Fourth most popular episode BONUS: Power of Positivity & Social Engagement with Ingrid Deon
[11:38]Third most popular episode #102 Choosing Courage Over Fear with Tasha Romanelli
[20:53]Second most popular episode #92 An Action Plan for How to Be a Morning Person
[24:26] The most popular episode of 2020 was #81: 5 Tips of Positive Self Talk
Visit www.valerielavignelife.com/108 for the full show notes and links featured in this episode.
[00:25] Hey there, welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! It’s been a whole year since we had our business ritual: end of year review episode and I’m not even really sure how to even describe this last year for myself - I’m sure you can relate - as we all can: 2020 was a bit of a shit show.
Nonetheless! We can still complete our End of Year Review and this year I have eight questions to help prepare you for the upcoming year.
Now last year I took you through a very thorough business ritual. I’m going to link to that episode in the show notes page for you.
Episode #57: Business Ritual: End of Year Review
This is a three part ritual that takes you deep into your business analytics and really helps you create the plan for the following year. It’s a very specific ritual that I use and I highly recommend, especially if you’re looking at growing and evolving your business, as well as creating a clear business strategy. It’s so great if you started something new this year and you want to really understand how it performed with your audience. Or if you’re looking for the next step and you aren’t sure what that is, it will help you better understand where to put your energy moving forward.
It does take some time, so please give yourself the proper day to do the work and really set yourself up for success. It’s worth it.
Today’s episode is more of a basic - yet important - piece to the full ritual. It’s all about eight key questions to ask yourself before planning the new year. These questions are not in last year’s ritual, but they are essentially the summary of the deeper more specific questions.
With that being said, you can ask these eight questions about your business as a whole, and/or you can ask these questions for each part of your business.
For example, for myself, I have multiple streams of income and I produce different things for each of these income streams. I can then ask the same eight questions for each income stream and I will better understand each section of my business. This can help me strategize each of the areas.
Okay, let’s get to the questions shall we!?
[3:27] QUESTION NUMBER ONE:
What business mindset practice has been working for you so far?
I love this question because the answer usually jumps out at you really fast. And sometimes that answer is: “I don’t have a mindset practice.” Which means your starting point is going to be: choosing a mindset practice! YAY!
Now I did say “business” however you can change this to anything really. It can be:
- Health and wellness mindset
- Money mindset
- Relationship mindset
- Positive mindset
- And so on
I will link to a few previous mindset episodes in the show notes page for you to give you some extra ideas and resources.
Episode #101: Modern Magic: Spell Casting
Episode #98: Five Ways to Nourish Your Relationship with Money
Episode #97: Overcoming Impostor Syndrome
Episode #91: These 3 Mistakes are Holding us Back from our Creativity
Episode #86: Three Keys to Creating Space to Attract More abundance
Episode #81: Five Tips for Positive Self Talk
Episode #71: Using Your Intuition and the Third Eye Chakra
Episode #69: What 365 Days of Gratitude Taught Me
Episode #67: Communicating with Power
Episode #66: Elevate Your Life by Living with Intention
Episode #63: How to Fail & Make Happiness Your Compass
Episode #53: How to Build Your Confidence Tool Kit
Episode #48: What to Do When Fear Shows Up
Episode #47: How to Shift from Resistance to Resilience
Episode #44: This Judgment Detox will Blow Your Mind
Episode #39: Becoming the Best Version of Yourself
Episode #34: Seven things you Must Do when Creating HEalthy boundaries
Episode #28: Know Your Worth
Episode #07: Mastering Transitions
Episode #04: Your Mindset is a Habit
I think the list is 20 different episodes. So if you’re looking for some ideas, read through the episode titles and listen to the one that speaks to you the most. You don’t want to overwhelm yourself with all the different things.
Some of my mindset practices this year have been my daily intention setting practice. I start every morning with a coffee ritual. I have a very specific way of making and drinking my coffee. Part of the ritual is stirring the coffee counter-clockwise to release any negative, stale, or unhelpful emotions or feelings, followed by stirring in my intention for the day. This really helps me set the tone for the day.
Other mindset practices I’ve used in my past for business and life are:
- Meditation
- Gratitude journal
- Creating my own content BEFORE consuming other people’s content
- Honouring boundaries around my phone/computer/social media/work hours
- Affirmations
Each of these practices have served me and my business and really helped me stay on track with my goals and strategy.
If you’re starting a new strategy here are my 4 tips for beginning
TIP #1: Choose one strategy that you are most drawn to.
TIP #2: Intuitively schedule it into your calendar. You’ll know when to do this practice - and you can always adjust it later
TIP #3: Give yourself some time to really implement and make this practice a habit; keep going if you skip a day; just reset. I recommend trying it out for three months to really see if it’s working for you. If you’re still doing it three months from now, you’ll know whether or not it’s helpful or hurtful and serving your goals/strategy
TIP #4: Have a back-up practice. If by day 7 you’re dreading your mindset practice, ditch it and try practice B. Maybe the whole meditation in the morning was an alluring practice that other mentors thrived with, but it wasn’t your bag. Perhaps there is a different meditation practice or mindfulness practice you can try that suits you better.
[7:58] QUESTION NUMBER TWO:
What mindset practice hasn’t been working?
What this question is discovering is: What are your blocks/limiting beliefs? What’s holding you back right now?
Think about anything that you have had on your to do list for a long time, or your goals/dreams list. What isn’t getting done? What isn’t coming to reality? What limiting belief is coming up for you?
The answer to these questions will reveal where your mindset strategy can really evolve. Is it a mindset block? Is it impostor syndrome? Are you taking on too much and you need support?
When you have the answer, the next step is clear. Perhaps you will invest in a money mindset coach? Maybe you’ll hire a VA to help you with your long list of to-do’s. Maybe you need to reevaluate your work-life boundaries and log off social media more often. Perhaps you’ll join a network of entrepreneurs who can relate to you and hold you accountable for your practices.
There are a lot of solutions and ideas, all you have to do is pin-point the block so that you can choose and take action on the best solution for you.
Here’s where you might get stuck!
You might notice you have more than one block. See if these blocks have any similarities. For example “I’m afraid of success” is similar to “I can’t make more money” and they have to do with self-worth.
If you’re really struggling with understanding your mindset and you want to master your mindset practice, I have a Make a Habit Mentorship program that takes you from overwhelmed and frustrated to Clear and Empowered. It’s a four week mentorship with weekly calls. You can get all the details for this offering here, or on the show notes page of this episode, you can also find me on instagram @vallavignelife if you have any questions about the mentorship program.
[10:28] QUESTION NUMBER THREE:
What community growth worked? What strategy produced the best results: followers + engagement + networking + clients + strategies + etc.
Of all the emails you send out, all the content you produce, all the DMs you send out, what helped you build your following, your engagement, your audience, and your paying clients?
What I like to do for this question is write out all the ways I grow my community and rank each of them from best to least. This is also another question that you can really dive deep into. You can choose exactly which analytics you’d like to review. I like to break this down for each area of my business, as well as each strategy.
For example:
Exhale Pilates Studio
Private Virtual Classes
Essential Oil Customers
Healthy Habits Workshops
Mentorship Clients
Since these areas of business are very different, I also have different strategies for them. I use my podcast to build my online business, and I use other social media strategies and partnerships with local businesses to grow the physical brick and mortar studio I have. The strategies are different because the ideal customers are different!
Speaking of ideal customers. If you’re not sure what brought people to you, ASK YOUR AUDIENCE! Do a survey or a poll in your social or with you email list: How did you hear about us? Yep, it’s really that simple lol
[12:43] QUESTION NUMBER FOUR:
Which community growth techniques DIDN’T WORK?
Reviewing your insights and ranking your strategies will clarify the answer to this question right away. You can also look at where you put in lots of work, but not a lot of results came from it.
I did this specifically with my podcast when I first started the show and it has helped me grow the Women’s Empowerment Podcast to what it is today.
I used to have a weekly live IG and FB show, which I converted into an audio podcast and also a youtube video. The insights and analytics showed me that the podcast was EXPLODING and the youtube and IG lives were not as powerful.
I eliminated the videos and kept the audio + show notes of the show and I haven’t looked back. The podcast is booming and I have more time to produce quality episodes and also invite guests onto the show instead of spending the time working on videos that weren't converting.
Where can you adjust or remove certain investments in time or money and better use your resources and energy for things that ARE working!?
[15:32] QUESTION NUMBER FIVE:
Which “nourishing techniques” really worked; anything where you’re providing value?
Nourishing techniques are your added value. Things like freebies, podcast episodes, specific instagram posts, blog posts, IGTV, Youtube.
Look at your stats and insights, they are so valuable for business owners and entrepreneurs because they really tell us what’s working and what isn’t. The biggest mistake entrepreneurs make is NOT reviewing what we’ve done in the past and this really saves us from making the same mistakes or not growing the things that have ALREADY worked! I’ve done this myself which is why I stress it to other people haha
So one of the things that I’m starting to move away from is this super aesthetic instagram feed. I know someone just rolled their eyes at me but hear me out! The motivational quotes on my instagram always convert really well to saves and shares and sometimes comments that create conversation with others. This is great and means engagement is high SUPER!
I also get A LOT of compliments from people telling me how much they love my feed and a lot of questions on how I do this. This also creates meaningful conversations and engagement in a slightly different way, because it’s usually in the DM’s which are GOLD in the world of social media marketing.
So now, I’m strategizing how I can create the valuable content and still make it look pretty - A LOT HARDER THAN IT SEEMS my friends lol
One thing I have started doing in my online business is I changed up my email structure and I’ve gotten some great immediate feedback from making it more aesthetic and also offer multiple pieces of value for people following along.
Remember your audience has A LOT of the answers that you’re looking for because they are the people who are following, consuming, and engaging with your business. They are the people you are trying to convert. Sometimes growth is about deepening connection with the people you currently serve and not how to 10x your social media following.
Ask your audience THIS or THAT questions to help you understand what they love about your content and learn how you can do better.
[22:34] QUESTION NUMBER SIX:
What didn’t work, what didn’t make much impact?
Again, really evaluate the “numbers” and poll the audience, review the insights. These are going to tell you straight up what isn’t working. I pulled up some of my instagram post insights and what I learned was that if I wasn’t in the post it didn’t do the best. This is overall interactions.
But we all know, when it comes to instagram, likes don’t have the same value/impact as saves + shares.
So when I look at the number of saves: some of my posts with the lowest number of comments and likes have the most saves. These are my quote boxes/ text posts/ carousels/ recipes.
Looking at the analytics will tell you what’s working, what isn’t and will also help you get clear on your next moves/what your intentions are.
Do you want people to be inspired by your content and let it be something that looks really good?
Do you want your audience to learn and take action on your content?
Learn about what they already do to see what kind of audience you have and how you can build on it. This is where the GOAL is also helpful. Have clarity so you can see which insights are the best for you to look at instead of getting caught up in all the numbers.
[24:26] QUESTION NUMBER SEVEN:
What sales techniques worked?
Not all of the freebies and content you’re creating is converting into sales. However there are some specific things we do to launch and sell.
Did the live videos get people on the phone with you? Is your sales page converting? Did you host any webinars or challenges; how did they convert into sales?
Most of my webinars convert into sales. Specifically my LIVE webinars. However, this month I hosted my first Healthy Habits workshop and I didn’t launch it on a webinar. Instead I shared it in the stories and in my posts.
I used instagram stories to explain and launch. I also did a giveaway celebrating over 20 000 downloads of the podcast. And gave a spot away in the workshop AND mentorship program. I slid into dm’s and replied to people's comments and got really active and engaged on social media and sold 7/10 spots I opened up for the first workshop.
I wasn’t JUST responding like I normally do, I was opening up conversations about the topic I was speaking to and asking questions and really creating this dialogue with my audience. I mixed that in with face-to-camera stories, to examples of how I incorporate the lessons into my own life, and I publicly answered questions about the workshop.
To build excitement I also welcomed each person into the workshop as people started to join and had a post it of their name on my wall as a way to say welcome and thank you!
I also created a HIGHLIGHT on my page which was new where anyone could see the content and posts related to the workshop to get more information.
I also followed up with anyone who said they were interested the day before and got a last minute sign up because of it.
PLUS… AFTER the workshop I went on face-to-camera and said thank you again and talked about how much fun and how successful it was ANDDD I shared the screenshots of the feedback I got from the people who were in the workshop b/c it was so positive and helpful for them.
This sounds like A LOT of work, and even though, yes, I did do a lot. I could have honestly done more.
My strategy wasn’t crystal clear, I actually did this more intuitively and almost every day I was sharing something to do with the topic of the workshop whether the CTA was to sign up or not.
For example I shared my morning coffee ritual and the CTA was “what’s your morning beverage ritual?” and that opened up a conversation about rituals and the workshop was called “HEALTHY HABITS: RITUALS & TRANSITIONS”
I made two posts back to back. One explaining transitions, the other explaining rituals and the CTA was to get people to sign up for the workshop.
I did a throwback of a previous podcast episode about Mastering Transitions and this also was to open up a convo around transitions and then get into the DMs with people.
You get the point. Right?
[30:28] Okay QUESTION NUMBER EIGHT:
Which techniques did not work?
Social media wasn’t the only thing I did to share my workshop, but it was definitely the most successful. I also put more energy into it. The other techniques were not as successful and that’s okay because now I know what to put more effort into.
It is totally fine to test things in your business, I encourage it! However, don’t re-do things that didn’t work in the past.
It’s also important to create boundaries to saying “no” to other people. I have a lot of entrepreneur friends in my network who were offering free 30 minute calls five days a week. It was a lot. Not all the calls converted and the time took them away from other parts of their business. So now they only offer the time slots on 1-2 days a week, and also only to certain people using a private link.
If it’s not working for you let it go, and lean into the things that did work!
That is a wrap on our eight questions you MUST ask before planning 2021! I hope you enjoyed it!! Let’s continue this conversation on instagram! Find me @vallavignelife
For the show notes and extra links please check out my website!
with Bryn Bamber. Full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/107
[00:25] Valerie LaVigne: You're listening to the women's empowerment podcast today. I'm very excited to welcome Bryn to the show. Brian is a mental health professional helping heart centered creative healers help more people and more make more money by healing childhood, shit. I love that it is such a great elevator pitch. So join me in welcoming Bryn to the show. Welcome.
Bryn Bamber: Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to chat.
VL: Yeah, I'm excited to chat with you too. It's been a little while since we've since we've connected so can you tell us a little bit about how you got to be this mental health professional and how you like to be helping people like you do.
[1:16] BB: So I come to mental health, from my own mental health struggles. I'm one of those. Um, I suffered from pretty severe anxiety, and I wasn't even aware but when I was younger, I just thought I was stressed and everyone was stressed, and I had kind of normalized my reality which is a coping mechanism. And so I just didn't, I didn't realize how high my anxiety was at the time. But I started to get some clues when I was 21, years old, and I burnt out of my first job ever so I graduated from university, I got a job I got business cards. I bought a blazer. And in a lot of ways that job was my dream job and I was really excited about it. And what happened was, I made a couple of medium sized mistakes, which happen in any job, but I was really beating myself up about them and I wasn't able to recover. So I went kind of like, pretty deep into perfectionism. I would like editing one email for a whole week, like editing re editing, and eventually got to a point where, I couldn't really do the work, so I burnt out I quit.
And I knew I couldn't return to that like I couldn't just go to a job board and look for another job because I would just look for the exact same job but I really liked the work that I was doing. But I, um, yeah I knew I needed to kind of switch things up so I ended up moving to an ashram yoga retreat and study center. I initially went for a month I extended extended extended ended up living there for two years studying yoga and meditation for two years. Me yoga teacher and then was able to return to the workforce with new tools. The second kind of pivotal moment in my journey was when I was 29, I had started this Mental Health Training Program in core energetics. And as in a class on early childhood trauma.
And I, in that class realized I had all the symptoms. All the symptoms of someone who has suppressed childhood trauma and kind of started to realize that like this was me. So my anxiety started to make a little bit more sense of where it was coming from. And also that awareness allowed me to start to heal it, because before that I didn't really know that I had it. So, um, I finished that training program, and it was pretty life changing for me core energetics was pretty life changing for me at reducing my anxiety, so I'm super passionate about it. Super excited to talk to all your listeners and start to get them the support they need. If they struggle with anxiety.
[4:39] VL: Thank you so much for sharing that story, I didn't realize you're at the ashram for two years, you must have come away with lots of incredible tools. I know I've spent my fair share of time not that much time in yoga institutes and different health care facilities so that's really, really incredible. The, there's so many questions I have.
And I guess I want to tie it all back since we're heading into the holiday season to anxiety around the holidays if we could focus on that a little bit today. What are some of the surface signs, what are some of the signs of feeling anxious or maybe the signs, leading up to burn out during this time of year.
BB: Yeah so everyone's a little bit different and it's important to start to notice yourself and notice what's coming up for you. But anxiety is basically a vibration in the body. So for some people it's like their tasks, some people their neck and shoulders get really sore they're like TMJ flares up when they have anxiety, but basically you don't feel good and for me it's kind of like a high frequency. Um, jittery, kind of feeling in terms of burnout.
I think signs are, you know, not wanting to get out of bed in the morning feeling like a sense of dread about what you have planned for the day. Just feeling tired and sometimes it's.
You're tired and even though it's like things that you would like to do you feel kind of like tired. Another big example is the five of your emotional reactions. So one of the things to talk about in mental health is having a right sized reaction. So, I mean, you obviously see this when someone gets cut off in traffic and they like lose their shit.
When it's like, okay, someone cut you off in traffic. Yes, that's rude, but you don't need to like scream and holler at them. So, if, um, you know, you come home from work, and someone took your parking space, and you burst into tears, or, you know, you're just having a higher, like it's like, of course, if a member of your family passes away and you burst into tears, or you're devastated that's the right size but the big events, but when it's something smaller like, you know, you get into your car and the engine won't start, and you start to panic. It's like, that's a little bit of a too big of a reaction for what's happening so that's definitely a key sign in burnout.
[7:46] VL: I can definitely relate to both of those feelings that generate an anxious, kind of anxiety piece, but also the burnout piece and how they are closely related but they are very different.
I don't think that I'm trying to think about my own experiences right now and how that anxiety kind of shows up for me, and I would agree with the jitters on my side. So, let's, let's focus a little bit more on the anxiety piece. Tell us, when you start to feel this way when we started to notice the signs in our own body, we're not feeling great. Were getting the jitters or feeling that vibrational frequency in our bodies, what can we do?
BB: So, when you're feeling anxiety you're starting to go into fight or flight right your nervous system is kind of ramping up and either flight, it's great. If there is a bear. And that bears chasing you. It's great in these situations that are like high risk and you actually do need to run away, or you need to fight.
Because the blood all goes through your lens and your heartbeat goes faster. And you stop digesting and you stop. If you have any like wounds or illnesses that all you stop healing, because all the energy is going to fight. Tiger or run away.
If there's not a tiger in the room. It's really not helpful, because you get like you're very single pointed focus right you're just like, get away from the tiger. You aren't in your creative brain you are. Problem Solving blank brain. And again, you're not digesting so sometimes if you have digestive issues, it can be related to like being in the fight or flight mode too often. You're not healing if you have a cold your immune system is going to be at top performance which I mean, even more important than ever this year that you try to keep our immune systems, going. So, what you want to do is, the thing is your brain thinks there's a tiger. The reason that you're having this nervous system response is because, you know, for me, sometimes it's an email right like I get an email and it has a certain tone.
And I go into fight or flight, I'm like, Oh, did I do something wrong is this person mad at me, blah blah blah. Um, so what you want to do is you want to bring your nervous system, back to the present moment where there is no tiger.
So some of the things you can do, are just look around, look like, Listen, say, oh, there's a lamp. So there's a window, there's a guitar hanging on my wall in my room here. So you're looking around and what you're doing is you're bringing yourself back to the present moment and you're basically check if there's a tiger.
Look around. And as you start to look around, you can start to listen what sounds Do you hear are they dangerous sounds you can touch different materials, you know like, I'm touching my sweater here.
You can touch your desk whatever is around you but you're, what you're doing is you're bringing your nervous system back into the present moment. Where, where there is no tiger, if there is a tiger, you want to invite. But that's kind of some of the first steps.
[11:47] VL: Yeah, it's important to have that fight or flight mode when something's life threatening. And we actually chatted about this in a previous episode about finding where you are and becoming more present. And right away realizing that hey there isn't a tiger in the room there isn't a bear in the room, and taking that breath and bringing yourself back to the moment. So, let's say that we catch ourselves in this fight or flight mode feeling with this anxious vibration. They say okay, there's no tiger. There's no Tiger I'm okay. But what if this keeps happening to us what if we keep experiencing this anxiety, how do we go from being that anxious person to being a little bit more calm, on a day to day basis.
BB: So I wouldn't say there's kind of two here. Sometimes, or I guess probably always. Um, if you're a nervous system is a type of nervous system that sends a lot of time in fight or flight there's probably a reason. There's probably some challenging experience that you went through that kind of had a big impact. And so sometimes what's happening when we're going to fight or flight is we're going back our nervous system is going back to that incident. It was challenging for us.
So, it's important to explore the kind of the root cause. Um, I know for me, one of the root causes of anxiety was actually suppressed anger. So, I grew up in a household where anger wasn't allowed passive aggressiveness was allowed like direct anger was not good, so I just put my anger away. And so, a lot of my anxiety, ended up being me being angry, but holding in it.
So, one of, honestly, I think. I don't know if I'm gonna say it's the biggest healing thing that happened to me around my anxiety, but it might be is getting back in touch with my anger and starting to express that starting to send set half healthy boundaries. And so, if you are someone who is a people pleaser and conflict avoidant. This might be you. And part of your healing might be starting to set healthier boundaries because sometimes that anxiety is because, you know, guess there is no Tiger but something is going wrong someone's taking advantage of you, or you're doing something that's training you and, as you start to set those healthy boundaries, it can really help. The other part of it is getting out of fight or flight is like building a muscle. It takes practice, it takes reps. It's like going to the gym. The gym of coming back into a grounded space. And, you know, I gave you some examples of things that can help. And as you practice, you might find other things that you can help that can help you. For me, one of my big triggers is being late.
And so I would often end up on the subway or on a bus, and I, I went to sleep, and my nervous system is at a 100, which is not the right size reaction.
Um, but one of the things that I found just through trying to figure it out, was, if I could find someone, and this is like, I'm slightly embarrassed to say this but it was helpful for me so I'm gonna be embarrassed.
If I could find someone on the bus or the subway, that I was attracted to it would help me come into the present moment, because I would be with that person I'd be like, wow, they're super good looking. and it would bring me out of wherever my brain was, and it would bring me back into them here and now. No one ever taught me that it was just literally, out of, you know, part desperation part, trying to heal that I started to, you know, I guess one thing I want to say is like, even if your listeners start to recognize when your anxiety is peaking like that's a win because awareness is huge. And then once you get aware, then you can start to try these different techniques of looking around that kind of thing.
Another technique that I find super helpful is exercise, get, like, gets me back into my body back into the present moment. Do I want to exercise when I'm anxious, hell no. Like hard to convince my brain. When I'm in the anxiety, it's hard for me to do anything other than be worried about being late. In that example. But, if I can just like put on a song and dance, or to a wall, sit at the at the wall, like all of these things are going to help. So, it is a commitment, it is a practice. It's not like you do this once, and it's gone and I wish I had a magic pill for all your listeners, but the way that I got through it was like hot hard fought it was like blood sweat and tears to be more grounded. But it's so worth it. Like, I think my anxiety. I think I used to be anxious about 90% of the time and now I'm anxious about 30% of the time. So I have so much of my life back. I have so many hours, where I get to be relaxed or joyful or playful. And so, yes, it is hard work, but to me it's totally worth it.
[18:30] VL: Absolutely. I know exactly how that feels when you're just caught up in your anxiety and a lot of the examples you shared in a lot of the tools you just shared were life on the common the common similarity between them all was that they're all very physical. So whether you're looking for something or you're trying to touch something or you're going to do a physical activity and exercise. It's that earth energy that like grounding you down.
Yeah, that heaviness of life again bringing myself back here where that jittery anxious feeling is very like whoa like way up, you feel like you're floating or running or doing you're running from the tiger, whereas everything else is a little bit more grounding. And I like when you use the word digest, so it's like you can't digest things we think this is a really interesting part about with, with my anxiety journey anyway that I've been really listening to how other people describe how they're feeling I listened to how people describe their anxiety. And so when they say things like, I feel frozen or, I'm having trouble, like, like because physically you can't look you can't heal you can't digest food but it's interesting to hear what people come up with, because those are huge signs, about what your body is actually going through. So when you're getting an overload of information you say like like oh my gosh this is too much, I can't adjust it also look at what your, your digestive system is going through. Are you backed up in your digestive system. Do you have too much on your plate. Are you, you know what I mean like those every, everyone thinks that they're just like, oh they're phrases, but they're more than that they're information from your body. So, it's, yeah, it's just those little things I've been kind of picking up as you as you were describing them.
I do want to circle back to healthy boundaries, though, because this is so important, especially around this time of year, with getting more invitations to parties and, you know, thinking that we have to have a gift for every single person that we know. So let's talk a little bit more about healthy boundaries around the holidays, what are some of your, your key tips and and teachings.
[20:24] BB: Yeah, so I think the first step is, look at why don't you set, healthy boundaries. If you're a people pleaser. Are you worried about what your friends are gonna think some of my clients will say something like, oh, but I love everything I do, but I'm just like, totally dead at the end of the day, but everything I'm doing I love, and it's like too much of a good thing kind of like too much on your plate. Like you were just saying is, isn't healthy. And so, it's important to start to look at what stopped, what has historically stopped you from setting healthy boundaries because you can go in with like the rah rah I'm going to set healthy boundaries, but if you're still telling yourself these stories.
And since this is the women's empowerment podcast. I think it's important to say like women are conditioned, not to set healthy boundaries. For me, the word bitch is a woman who has boundaries. A woman who says no. It's like a good thing, but we're socialized to think that we shouldn't have boundaries we shouldn't take care of everyone we should be giving we should be compassionate, and all of these things and one of my favorite quotes ever is you can be a good person, with a kind heart, and still say no.
And the quote is unknown I've googled I've tried to find who who it's attributed to if anyone knows like seriously DM me on Instagram I want to know who wrote, who wrote that quote. But, um, yeah, it's, it's starting to realize like all of the unpaid labor that women often end up doing. So just thinking about the holidays like party planning, who's cooking. It was buying the gifts.
Um, if you're in a heterosexual relationship is it balanced, or are you doing more of the work. And so I think that's kind of the first part of almost the education piece around, like, why don't we, why don't women historically saying no as much why don't we have, as healthy boundaries. Typically, and starting to unpack that.
The next part, I would say, is to, again, like it's the same principle as the anxiety, in the sense that you're building a new muscle.
Or maybe you've been building it for a while. I'm sure some of your listeners have been working on their boundaries. But there's still room for improvement.
So again, taking baby steps taking a two pound weight, if that's where you're at just sending a mini like a mini boundary like. For me, I started setting healthy boundaries.
One of my healthy boundaries was like calling into work sick when I was actually sick. I would like feel guilty about calling in sick. When I was sick. And so, like that, maybe doesn't even seem like a boundary but for me at that stage it was so that's where I had to start. Um, you can do them orally, you can do them over text. I think sometimes people are like, I didn't do it in the moment. I didn't say it in the moment I lost my chance, and it's like, Yes, I think the goal for all of us is to like have perfectly beautiful boundaries in the moment we say exactly what we need and exactly what we're not okay with, but that doesn't.
You know, we make mistakes, we're not perfect. And so you can, you know, say yes to something, and then the next day. Text Your friend and say you know what I thought about it and I am not going to be able to make the pie, or I'm not going to be able to make it at all or, you know what, why don't we just schedule some one on one time with you guys and in January whatever kind of situation is going to be helpful for you. And the other thing like, I want to say is, you're going to make mistake. Sometimes you're going to set a boundary that's too big, it's gigantic. Sometimes you're going to set a boundary that's too small. And that's okay. That's part of building these healthy boundary muscles it's like the same with going to the gym if you have a workout that's not that great, it doesn't mean you just like give up working out completely. And you can actually learn from it, you're like, oh, that was too big of a boundary. And then you can start to find your boundary, sweet spot with different people in different situations. So those are some of the first steps might be like I could talk for hours about.
[25:41] VL: This is so helpful and when I was kind of learning about my own personal boundaries, and what made sense to me. I didn't even realize how much of a people pleaser I was how much of a yes person I was saying yes to everything. And then finding myself at this position where I had just way too much going on. And so, the first place that I started was, I do not work on Sundays. And that was my boundary I do not work on, on Sundays. And it shifted a little bit to. Okay now I don't do split shifts, so I'm either working all morning, or I'm working all night, but I'm not doing both. and it was a it was a really interesting kind of like, I guess evolution of how that the schedule boundary kind of worked for me. And then the other boundary that happened was I was working out in the mornings really early in huntable morning routine. I had just changed a lot recently.
But my other boundary was okay and I don't start work until 8am I do not work any earlier than 8am. I teach bloodies and do code health coaching so the hours are a little bit funny sometimes. However, it was not going to be any time between before 8am, because my morning routine was solid and I needed that Meantime, and as long as I had that morning workout and I have like this coffee ritual and journaling ritual. I was able to show up as a better person, and when I realized that I'm saying no, because I'm being a better service, when I do these things for myself.
And that was a really big shift that I had to make in my mind and in myself to say it's okay to say, No, I also read a book I can't remember which book this was, but it was one of a personal development book. And if I remember I'll put it in the show notes. But the book was saying, start by saying no to everything. Before you start saying yes to anything and I was like, are you kidding me What if I can do it. And so, I tried it because I was trying everything at the time I'm like, you know what, let's do an experiment, that's what I kept thinking. And I would say no to every single thing, or I would say, let me think about it as my cousin wanted to reply immediately but I said let me have a think about this, or let me check my schedule before I commit to this. And then I could go back and say, Thanks for your patience. I went on my schedule and you know what, this works great for I thank you for your patience, like to my schedule, and this has not worked for me. And I didn't feel that and most of the time, because not that we're not important human beings like humans are important and it's great but we all live in our own realities, and we think that the world revolves around us sometimes.
I'm just gonna say it. And I was so I was one of those people who believe that I was so nervous that people were not going to like me anymore that I was going to get fired that people weren't going to be my friend if I didn't go to all these parties or girly things.
And what ended up happening. The responses were. Thanks so much for your quick reply. Or, thank you so much for your honesty, or, thank you so much for recognizing and honoring your boundaries, you've just helped me give myself permission to do the same. How empowering, is it to say, I'm showing up for myself. This is my boundary, and I'm honoring it. That just gave someone else, the permission are the sign or the reminder that they can do that to you. Rather than saying yes to everything and then coming at it with a bad attitude right.
[29:15] BB: Yeah, no, I love that. I actually recently wrote on Instagram, about a dance event I went to so I started learning about shadow which is a partner dance kind of similar to salsa. And, um, so I would go to these socials, and whenever anyone asked me to dance, I would say yes because it was new, and I was like, I don't know what I'm doing, how do I, I can't say no I should just, I need to practice of that so I kind of socialized myself to say yes yes yeah. And I remember one night, where I was just like, not having a good time. I was dancing with people I didn't want to dance with, like I wasn't feeling a connection. And so I just flipped the script, and I did exactly what that book recommends, I was like, I'm just gonna say no, because I was like should I go home.
I was like, I'm not having a good time. And so that, wanting to go home, gave myself permission to just say no and so I just, yeah, again, so I was like no or not right now or, I'm taking a break whatever when anyone asked me, and then I'm one of the Tata dance instructors asked me to dance. And they hold on he was like, Yes, I want to dance with an instructor who like totally can teach me all the things. And I ended up having a great dance. And I guess like the lesson for me from that was, if I had said no to the guy that had asked me like literally 30 seconds before the instructor asked me I wouldn't have had, like, I wouldn't that opportunity probably would have come and gone and I wouldn't have had this amazing experience that really helped me as a dancer and was just fun.
And so that's one of the kind of insights I had about how when you say no, even if there's nothing good at that moment. You never know what's coming.
VL: Yeah, it reminded me of a quote that something along the lines of, if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no. Or, because these are like fun little reminders right like what feels good for you and if it doesn't feel good when you say no to something that doesn't really feel great, or you're not in alignment with you're making room for something that does. And I think it's important to have that permission, especially for women who feel the need to be perfectionist or to be people pleasers and obviously to get out of that mindset is powerful, but to have these reminders like it's okay if you say no to this it's okay if you don't want to do this today, but you wanted to do it yesterday or you want to do it tomorrow. Being able to stand in your truth and be empowered enough to say this is what I want.
That’s huge.
[32:12] BB: Yeah. And the other thing that I think women really struggle with is like changing their mind. I can't tell you how many clients have said, but I already said yes. and it's like, and then you thought about it and you changed your mind.
We all have the right. And of course, like yeah you don't want to be flaky you don't want to be the person that's like canceling 20 minutes before it's possible I mean sometimes that does happen we get sick all of a sudden or something comes up and you do have to cancel at the last minute, but I know for me like my intention is to to honor my word. But that doesn't mean like, I'm married to my word, and I'm going to just do whatever the other person wants me to just because I said, So, last week which was not a busy week and then this week I'm feeling overwhelmed.
Like, you have the right to change your mind.
[32:32] VL: So it's interesting that you said that, because we had a. We had a meeting scheduled for Monday this week and now it's Thursday, and I got called into the studio on Monday, and through my head I was thinking, I have 1,000,010 things to do, and most of them were kind of like at home I could kind of do them wherever, whenever, but one of them. one of the things that was really important to me was this this conversation, and I was like I'm just feeling his guilt, but I was like oh my god I'm gonna have to cancel him out to cancel, and I looked at my schedule, I thought, you know what I have a break between my classes where I could fit in this conversation. But when I thought about it, I said to myself, I'm like, you know what, this is not how I want to go into this conversation. I don't want to go into it feeling like my whole schedule just got turned upside down. I'm feeling anxious I have to teach a lot of cold classes I have to be somewhere where I don't like recording the podcast because it's noisy. The space is too big and there's construction outside the studio so I could have technically kept our appointment.
However, I know that. It just wouldn't have been the same energetically and so, you know, I, at first I was like, Oh, I feel so bad about this but then when I reached out to you and you were so understanding thank you so much again for rescheduling with me. I felt so much better and there's just this relief because I knew that I wasn't in the place to be holding space for someone else. So, yeah, and I hate doing that so much, and mostly because, like I appreciate I would rather someone say no to me than say yes and then keep canceling or rescheduling or not showing up. I would just rather you say hey you know what, I can't do this anymore, then toss me around right. Um, but it happened it came up and it happened so I had to do. I had to make a change.
BB: Yeah. And, you know, this is an example, this doesn't always work out this way. But this is an example where, you know, I have my whole week calendar and I just switch whatever is supposed to do then, with Thursday, I just switched my Monday for Thursday at this time. And to me it's like, no difference and sometimes it is an inconvenience for the other person. Other thing I want to say to all the women is, that's okay. They can have an inconvenient sometime world's not gonna fall apart.
VL: Yes. That's a very good reminder I think it's hard to hear sometimes but we definitely need to hear it. Well, honestly, I think this was a very helpful conversation that we're having especially around this time of year. And like I said, whether we want to hear it or not, we need to we need to hear the truth. So, before we move into our last part of the show or our last segment, let us know where we can find you where we can follow you and how we can support your business.
[36:15] BB: Yeah, so, um, my name is Brynn Bamber I'm sure you'll spell this all out in the show notes, but I'm on Instagram I'm at Brynn underscore Bamber on LinkedIn I think I'm e Bryn Bamber, um, secret factors my first name is actually Erica but I go by brand. And I'm Facebook I'm brand member. So those are all the places. Um, I'd love to hear from your listeners so if something resonated, or if you have any questions about what we were talking about, feel free to DM me on Instagram or, like, send me a message on Facebook or LinkedIn wherever you are. I'd love to hear like what you loved about the show or what you were confused fine. I can hopefully help. Try to clarify. Um, and the other thing I wanted to offer to your listeners is my anxiety mini training so it's a 10 minute training. And it's a training for when you are anxious. This is something you do. in the moment, when you're feeling anxious.
Um, you'll get a video version and an audio version so you can even like save it to your phones and literally like run into the bathroom and put your earbuds in and listen to it if you're like, at a holiday party and you're losing your ship. Um, but it's basically breathing feeling your body, a whole exercise that my experience, it doesn't always make my anxiety disappear. And this is what my clients say too, but it usually will reduce your anxiety by 50%, or more. So, gives you a little bit of breathing room from that anxiety. If you have to make a decision because sometimes like when we're anxious just because something happened. The aunt showed up at the party that everyone said wasn't going to or. She had COVID four days ago and didn't get tested or whatever the scenario is and like you got to deal with it. This is something that can just reduce your anxiety enough that you can get out of that tunnel vision where it's very hard to make strategic decisions, good decisions, get into a little bit more relaxed place where you can like feel into yourself feel into your intuition and know what you need to do. So you can find it a tiny url.com slash anxiety training and I'm sure we'll put it in the notes as well.
VL: Absolutely. So it's really easy to find you because it's your name. Okay, rapid fire round, are you ready.
BB: No… I'm ready
VL: we'll take your breath Okay, inhale. So good. Don't worry, it's not that much pressure. It's just about your favorite things.
[39:42] Question number one. What are you currently reading or what is your favorite book.
BB: I am reading right now My Grandmother's Hands, which is a book about.
It's, it's about the US really but it's about anti black racism, but through the lens of a body psychotherapist. So I'm, I'm a somatic I'm not a psycho therapist, but I'm a mental health practitioner that uses Sati and the author of the book. Also, in that world and so it's a really interesting part of it is like history and statistics and stuff, but a lot of it is about how racism has impacted our nervous systems, how racism has impacted the book is kind of specific it's like talking about white people's nervous systems, black people's nervous systems and police officers nervous system. So it's really interesting i mean he does. There is some criticism of it that he leaves out certain groups, other people of color. But, um, as a starting point, it's really an interesting lens into the world we're living in right now.
VL: It does sound very interesting. I'm gonna link to that book in the show notes as well. And, question number two is, what do you love most about being a woman?
BB: multiple orgasms.
VL: Okay, I have to be honest, every single I do this with every single guest, and every single answer is completely different and I'm surprised every time and I love it so good.
BB: You're gonna say every woman says the same.
VL: I'm sure that we'll start saying, Okay, question number three What does empowerment mean to you.
So I think empowerment is someone who's willing to keep looking at themselves and doing the work and listening to podcasts like this and working on themselves. And so they keep having breakthroughs and with these break through I think you get more power, more access to your, your power that was always yours but that we get confused about sometimes.
BB: For me, it has an association for having some sort of breakthrough. Like, I think the thing that I feel the most alive. All my jobs all the things I've done in my career is like when someone has a breakthrough. And just like, Ah, this is like what I live for.
VL: Question number three: what are you currently working toward?
BB: Man, I guess I'm super passionate about core energetics because it's been so life changing for me. So it really want more people to have access to it so I'm doing a lot of guest interviews on podcast and trying to spread the word writing a memoir about my personal story and struggle with it. And so, I feel like my mission right now is getting this powerful tool into the hands of more people looking at the Godfrey,
VL: we're gonna have to have you on again for a core energetics demo for sure. However, before you go I do want to say thank you so much again for being part of the show, and for sharing all of this information I know that it's going to be very helpful it's been helpful for me and my attorney in my experience, I know that'll be helpful for the listeners who are tuning in today. And I also want you to know that you are very appreciated, your voice is appreciated, your journey is appreciated. You know a lot of us come, a lot of us healers come from that wounded healer background and it's hard to show up to the parents, and so for you to be doing that for you to be stepping into this, this space and this leadership role and this teacher role, I think is is so empowering to see you, to see you move through these spaces, and you're very much appreciated by, by the people who are watching and following so so keep doing what you're doing, keep shining.
BB: Thanks so much for having me.
with Alora & Veronica May of Sam & Lance!
Full show notes, links, and more at WWW.VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/SAMANDLANCE
[0:31] Valerie LaVigne: Ladies, thank you so much for joining me on the women's empowerment Podcast. I am so excited that you're both here I know that one of you is in Canada, and the other is in Singapore so it's so great that we can be connected via zoom today. And, why don't you tell us a little bit about your brand and what you do.
Alora May: Thanks so much for having us. Um, so I'm Laura and I am the co founder and CEO of Sam and Lance. So we started this business in April of 2019 as a way to help empower people to shop ethically and shop transparent transparently, and also shop women owned
VL: On the show, we talked about sustainability we talked about shopping, like we we talk about women's empowerment I feel like this is a great. This is a great episode in partnership so I'm so excited that were chatting today, and because we're coming into the holiday season, and we're getting ready to spend a little bit more and shop a little bit more. We're also going to be talking about some of your favorite products, or our audience. So, let's go through the kind of gift guide that we've prepared for today. What's our first item on the list.
Veronica May: So, hi I'm Veronica. Other co founder of Sam and Lance, and for gifting this year we really wanted people to really stop and think about the things you want to send to your relatives. You want to make sure you're supporting things that are local you want to make sure that you're supporting women so we put together gift boxes to kind of help you on this journey. So one that's really excited about is our Zero Waste starter kit. So we have a number of different items that are going to help your friends and family and maybe even up shop yourself, I can do that, terribly. And so in this kit, you're going to have like reusable cotton pads that people can take their makeup off, or you can actually even use them for like children's faces like throw them in your purse. They're a mom. We have produce bags. So you can bring your produce bags to the grocery store and you don't use the plastic. So the number of products in there to help people start their Zero Waste journey. And we also like to advocate like zero waste is happy perfect it's just baby steps. So, by giving this to family members and helping them, put them in the mindset of shopping ethically
AM: and it was really cool about the zero waste kit on to that okay jump in is a few products in there that you might not think of, like for example we have a vegan and sustainable floss that's in a glass bottle so people don't really think about floss when they think of a scannability but there's a lot of plastic and things that go into floss that isn't great for our environment so you know we really like bringing these products to the forefront and having people have these conversations so then that way you know when you think about your next purchase or you're thinking about, oh my floss just ran out let me, let me get a new one and you just kind of start thinking about how my next purchase and my next thing can be sustainable. So that's why we really love the zero waste kit because it helps people just start that conversation in their own head about the products that they're using that they might not have thought of before.
VL: That's a really great point. And that's kind of where I've been on this zero waste journey, and the beginning of my Zero Waste journey I felt so guilty for like company I guess I was out oh my god this is single use plastic like oh my god I had to use a Glock bag and not beeswax, like, three years. But what I started to realize was it actually starts with just being more aware about the products that we're currently using like, where does this go when I get rid of it where does this flasco when I throw it out and so I actually switched my floss recently to in like q tips or bamboo q tips, which is again like something you don't think about they're not gonna reuse your kitchen. That's weird. Anyways, this sounds like an amazing kit and for people who are listening who maybe have heard the term Zero Waste but aren't exactly sure what it is, can you tell us a little bit about that.
[4:16] VM: Yeah, so the terms are especially a little misleading. A lot of people get nervous cuz you're like, oh I could be one of those people that puts trash in a mason jar and I'm literally create zero waste, but what it is is a journey, it's a momentum to reduce the amount of waste and to start consciously, like you said, thinking about where does this go at the end of its life, everything I'm using so start like everything that's been made of plastic is still on this earth today, every single toothbrush you have ever used is still somewhere on this planet and when you start taking this mindset be like okay, what can I use differently. And the other thing too is we actually named the company after our grandmother's, but thinking about your grandparents is a great way to get in the zero waste mindset, because what we're grandparents doing before all this plastic came into the world. So there's so many tips and tricks there's so many things you'll find online if you're lucky enough to still have your grandparents around you can actually ask them like, what did you guys used to do. And so it's about this journey to just reduce your waste to be really conscious of where it's going and where what you decide to do.
VL: And love that you guys named your company after your grandparents because I my grandma actually lived with us. my whole life ago. I only remember my grandparents living with us my grandma's still around. And I do notice little things that she does that I'm like oh that's over cork, but she's basically reusing jars or containers or whatever it is that she's doing and it's very different from what we're used to, or used to doing but I feel like we're kind of turning backwards a little bit with that so that's exciting. And I'm going to link to actually each of these products that we're talking about on the show notes page. So before I forget, that's going to be at Valerie Levine life.com, forward slash Sam, and Lance spelled out completely, so it's easy to find. Okay, what's our what's on our shopping list for number two, what's the next thing that we're going to get, for us, and then also for other people.
[6:09] AM: So we've curated different gift boxes and all of our different themes. So one of them we call be relaxed box. And this is just an awesome gift to give somebody, you know, to relax. So we have some bath salts in there, incense some body oil and some tea. So, it's also pretty gender neutral as well so you could gift it to anybody you know a friend, your mom, your brother, it doesn't really matter. It's a great gift for everybody. And then we'd like to also say that like our products tell us story so the T is tes t so it's a Toronto based brand, and it's an amazing ethical tea but a lot of the proceeds go to their charity program and give back and, you know, all of our products kind of have this lovely story behind it and story but the woman who made it so you know even with these gift boxes you're giving them this relaxing gift that also, you kind of get to learn these stories behind all these really awesome products, it's not just, you know, something off the shelf that doesn't give back.
VM: And the cool thing about the relaxed box to actually it just happened to be every box is different but this relaxed box is all Toronto based, which is kind of cool. So for any of you like Toronto listeners, you want to shop local. This box is all local Toronto women owned businesses which is extra. We think it's good for Toronto right
VL: We think it's good for Toronto right yeah I love, I love the idea of getting like all my gifts as local businesses or supporting local businesses, tell us a little bit more about the other businesses that you're supporting so you have women in Toronto. Do you have them all over the world or is it mostly Canada.
AM: Yeah, so we have suppliers and products from all over the world so we have Ghana's Cypress Madagascar, obviously Canada in the US but it's really really interesting to see, you know the the different charities and people and women around the world that they support. So, you know, we have these women in Palestine who embroider this beautiful designs onto bags and shoes so that's one of our favorite suppliers and we have karma who makes necklaces and jewelry and from Porsche the transitioning and homeless youth in Toronto, make these jewelry and that helps to give them an income so that's another one of our really awesome suppliers that we have here,
VL: I’m actually get like goosebumps when you talk about this because as you know my brand is all about empowering women. And it's so incredible that we live in such like a small world like that we can connect to people in Africa, and people in Europe and people through we can even Canada in the US like these are huge countries that were able to support all these women globally. So, this is really exciting I know I have listeners from all over the world so I'm sure that it's happening all over the world today.
AM: We only ship to the US but however we do ship globally if someone emails and gives us a certain request so we've had that before and we've made accommodations based on like individual requests, which is fine.
[9:10] VL: Yeah. Okay, that's really good to know. That's, I'm glad I asked that. So, we have the relax box, and let's say like, I love baths, so much. I love tea, but I don't drink a lot of tea. I don't drink as much tea as I'd like to drink. So let's say I want extra vassals, can I also order these products separately. When I'm shopping.
VM: Yeah, absolutely.
VL: Okay. Perfect. Okay, so this is all exciting because already I'm just like yes I want that because I want that, maybe I'll just tell people this is the link that I want everyone to shop at and that will be for me. We have one more special box that we want to talk about.
[9:59] AM: I also want to talk about the wearable aroma therapy gift boxes I just thought about one and I feel like you would love this and you should put this on your Christmas list because it also includes two products from brands that I just mentioned so there's a necklace from kind karma, which is the one that's made by transitioning and homeless youth and it has three different stones on it. And basically you can put essential oils on these stones and then you can, you know, relax and empower yourself throughout the day with whatever your scent is, but then also within the wearable aromatherapy bonds be included in essential oil that's made in Madagascar so it's a really cool bond that has these two items that's a really really fun gift to give somebody that we feel like we haven't seen anywhere else or done anywhere else.
VL: Oh my gosh, I love that I'm always looking for wearable aroma therapy because the special stones are typically they're lava rock or lava stones. And, yeah, they're like little diffusers basically and you just had a couple of drops in them, oh my god I love that actually, I couldn't find any necklaces and bracelets that I really liked so I started making just my own for, like, I wouldn't want to do retreats and things like, I make little extra ones but oh my god I'm so excited about that we're definitely going to add that into the list.
Okay everyone, we've done all my shopping today. Check. Okay, so now we have a fourth, we have a fourth kit that we want to talk about what which ones that one.
VM: Yep, so we want this year we launched our subscription service. So we think this week four times a year you would get a box full of ethical, sustainable items that are from companies made by women delivered to your doorstep. So we have two options we have the classic box, which is $66 and that's a collection of pieces that are already on our website you kind of get to try some kind of usable items like candle, with some nice bullet candle in there or like skincare. I think you'll actually use from our stuff and then we have the exclusive box where sometimes we can't. If we can't work with the supplier directly or you find some really special ones. He's good to go into our exclusive box and these aren't yet available on our site. So we do extra work to find new brands for you to love. And the thing about the box is to make sure that these items are usable. And we also try and make sure that the packaging is as eco friendly as possible. And we do everything in our power to make sure there's no plastic in there. And if there is we've actually worked with suppliers to have them change their packaging to be able to put them into the box which was a really big deal for us and it was wonderful that they're able to do that. So one thing that we think is great is that, to give this as a gift. It's like the gift that keeps on giving. So you know when you have like your sister or like your best friend for you spend a little more on her like giving her a couple months of the subscription boxes throughout the years to us will be about 16 per special, and we think would make an awesome gift and if Alora didn’t already have a subscription that's probably what she would be getting from me for Christmas.
VL: That's such a great gift because you're right it does get like the gift that keeps on giving. If I got a gift, every four months. Oh my god.
AM: Because you it's seasonal right so it's each season you get a new box, all winter, spring, summer, fall, and then we try to keep it seasonal as well so on our summer box we had like all natural bug spray and some other summer items and fall we made sure to have a nice like cozy candle. And so I would have tote bags that would be like perfect for apple picking like we really like really thought about this. You told me I gravel thinking this is my number one thing we need to find this.
VL: Yes Oh my God, I went apple picking for the first time this year and they gave us like a reusable tote but there was there was like third plastic on it so I was like, oh, okay, I mean it's reusable but anyway. Wow, that's so exciting. Oh my god, and then is it a surprise every month or do you are each season I mean, or do you know what it is
AM: surprise each season, and we do you know spoilers leading up to it, but it is pretty much a surprise and then we also do have an add on market so if you're a subscriber to the subscription box right before we ship it out we send you you know a few of our select products from our site and we offer a pretty great discount on those to add on to your subscription box that's something that we,
VM: we also do which is like another little perk that you get just if you're as a scription box subscriber, but also for guests we had a few people who bought subscription boxes for themselves and then we're like, you know what I'm going to get out I'm going to look at the products that I'm going to give out a few of them which were like yep that's an awesome idea. And then after they got to be like, I just want to keep everything myself having to purchase additional just for their friends because they just kept everything for themselves,
VL: that's I'm so that person I'm like yeah just get this subscription box and then I'll share and I'm like, like, what, no I want this and I want this, so amazing. I love the idea of the add on market that is such a great idea for business but also for just getting more of these sustainable ethical products and supporting more women with these products bringing them into your home. That is amazing. So now that we kind of have this idea of all the products that we want for our holiday gift. And our holiday self giving.
[15:10] Let us know about I want to know about like the top three products and each and each home that you use every single day or like the most often that you use. I'm very curious.
VM: But so tough because yeah we everything on our site, we, it's very curated, we wouldn't put on our site if we won't use it, which makes it dangerous for us in our personal wallets as well. But in the best way. Um, so, I think my top of view we have a, it's a plain white tea, and it sounds super silly that I'm saying this but it's my favorite item I literally wear it like three times a week and have to wash it, so often. It's plain white tea it's a zero waste tea so it's made with all organic cotton fibers, and it comes with a barcode. So at the end of the natural life cycle when you are done with the shirt, you get to send it back to the woman on manufacturer of their twat, and they properly recycle it into a new t shirt, and then resell it. So it's really really cool it's a great woman owned company and this T shirt is just perfect. It's so soft, it's just the perfect cut and I yeah I say daily and I wear that shirt.
I think the other one would be province apothecary has a beautiful oil based cleanser I'm really big on skincare and oil based cleansers it just works so well for my skin and it just smells like a spa I end up just like sniffing my face one washing it and it's such a beautiful relaxing experience. The other problems apothecary moisturizing oil based cleanser.
I'm so big on the loofa. Okay, first of all, I learned this recently a loofa is actually a vegetable vegetable when it grows on land, I always thought it was like a sea sponge or something, but it's not like a bikini looking gourd thing. And, and you can actually eat them. But if they leave them on the vine longer they dry out and scrub your body. So we had this wonderful vendor from Nova Scotia, and she was looking to retire but wanted to have a farm and she just wanted a crop that would make some money and give her something to do so she created this loofa farm and so she's like the loofa Lee. And so it's just so wonderful like to support this woman's second career and these are just adorable vegetable based on the scrubbers and I just, I love that really gentle exfoliating. The don't get like the musty smell like you would on fire or something. So it has like certainly at microbial properties are really cool and then when you're kind of done with it for your body you can use it on the dishes or disrupt your floor and stuff. It's really cool. So yeah, good point or I do love the little lady.
AM: I'm probably like wearing my top three, which I know it's a podcast and bespoke can't see but I'll show you. So this is one of my favorite bracelets is again by kind karma, and it's a Morse code bracelet. So, it's a bunch of different things.
You can pick so this one actually says string in Morse code. And so there's like love and there's hope so you can kind of pick what message you want to wear just kind of like as a nice reminder to yourself, and that you got it and there this year. Um, so I ran this daily in the shower and it's like my favorite one.
Another one would be, we have what's called like a Yukon soap, so it's actually made up north in the Yukon and it's an indigenous made soap and has like three ingredients, and it's just like so good It's so nice. I usually like every day in the shower, and it's really nice to support I get paid in companies on indigenous made products and women who are doing great things in Canada. So those are two, um, what's my third favorite, there's so many.
Um, I just started using it and like I just ran out of my other shampoos or I just got, we have like a color hair and everywhere on shampoo bar. And so, for people who don't know shampoo bars are just like kind of a bar soap but you just use them like shampoo. So that way you're eliminating waste because it's just the bar you're not having a plastic bottle or even a glass bottle. And so it's really really great to just kind of get more into that less is more lifestyle. And then it's made from all like Zambian ingredients and hundred percent of the profits go to clean water in Zambia, so you just like washing your hair with purpose.
[19:47] VL: I think that's so amazing and I feel like people should really be aware of not only Where is my product going. But where did my product come from. So this is a really cool part of, of what you offer and how you support, support other businesses to with your business. When we are shopping on your site. Do we see the stories do we see the people do we see where it's coming from, or is that like something that you get when you open up your product, you open up your package
VM: on the site so when you click on every product you can scroll down to the bottom, and we have a section that describes like the product itself the ingredients if it's skincare anything and then we have a story about the woman and a story about the brand. So, it's really interesting to see how different the braid of the women are but but usually the woman has her own beautiful story behind why she started it or what her story is and then again then the story behind, who the brain supports. And then we also if they do support an external charity or cause we do have that description in there as well. So you actually get to learn everything about it. And we do a whole bunch of research and verifications and checks before we put anybody on the site so if there's information that you're not sure of about a product but you want to know more about the raw materials you can actually just reach out to us, and we have the verification there if it's what you're looking for.
So, which is pretty cool but we can only conclude so much information because we just think people get bored.
AM: Yeah, and also have everything categorized by six values. So within that woman brand, and all that information we have another tab that's our values so we have six different values, which is certified so if they have certification like GTS or Fairtrade we have cruelty free, which of course all our products are but we have thought of ethically manufactured purpose driven sustainably sourced and waste reducing so you can see that that's what we're talking about. We're really really transparent and we have these like special categories that we created you can shop by your values and filter out all the products that are purpose driven they give back or that are sustainably sourced so we really really go deep into all of that to try to make it easy for people when they're shopping, so amazing.
VL: It's like a whole experience around these six values and the and supporting supporting female businesses. So, you are both females, and you are both running this business, tell us a little bit about your story I know you mentioned your grandmother's before and how you created SAM & LANCE
AM: It's like a whole experience around these six values and the and supporting supporting female businesses. So, you are both females, and you are both running this business, tell us a little bit about your story I know you mentioned your grandmother's before and how you cope with it but how you played it safe.
VL: That's so cool. I love that I find that probably is one of those like eye opening things that you are getting this experience you're gaining all of these amazing memories but you're also learning so much about different people and different cultures and it's really cool because I think a lot of people go on trips and they think like, Oh, I want to change this, I want to bring this back and, but you're actually doing it, and I can't believe your business is so young, you guys are doing amazing I'm so proud of you both one oh my god I had no idea that you were only like a year and a half. That's like a little baby this is so exciting. Oh my goodness. Okay, we have one more. It's like part of the segment or one more segment in the show and it's the rapid fire round. So I'm going to ask you both for questions, and you can choose whoever wants to go first. And it's really fun and exciting and easy. Are you ready. I think so, yeah, I feel like, so usually like, are
[24:39] RAPID FIRE ROUND!
Question One: What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?
VM: I have so many favorite books, I'm, I'm super into merch Haruki Murakami right now because I've read one to 84 and it is one of my top three favorite books of all time. And I'll say that I am reading.
AM: By, again, going on to like travel train but like my favorite book is a book, a little book called The desire for elsewhere and Veronica actually found this book for me i think you know like in a Singapore museum gift shop or something like that. And it's just like this little beautiful novel. It's just like a narrative about this woman's desire for elsewhere and travel and just talks about like little stories and you can probably read in an afternoon but it's just like this, like, like my favorite book.
Question Two: What do you love most about being a woman?
VM: I love feeling empowered about the little thing. I just, I love like. I love like putting on cozy sweatpants and like a little t shirt and feeling sexy I love like being able to have this opportunity to do whatever I want. Without these inhibitions where I feel like so many men have this inhibition to get to be masculine you have to be this you have to be that you can't have feelings but we're allowed to we get to have these feelings we have so much more. I just feel like we have a little bit more richness to our lives and sorry to the men who have their richness I don't know do you but I just feel like we have so much more of a chain to express ourselves and to be ourselves and there's more room for us and I also love this supportive sisterhood, especially lately like women are supporting each other so much more. And, and there's always been these tight knit communities of women all over the world throughout history and I just love that about women.
AM: Yeah, I was gonna say like the sisterhood like I just love like women coming together and like we've seen that obviously in the last you know two years that the community that we've built the same Atlanta, but then also you know like we met through make lemonade and I just love seeing these like groups of women come together and like kind of maybe an off side but you like stories about like in World War Two and like how the women like what all band together and they were like actually having better survival rates because they would take care of each other, whereas like the men wouldn't have that type of like camaraderie and help that they didn't have as high of survival rate so I just think it's like throughout history like just seeing women come together and support each other and care for each other and with each other off I think that's so awesome.
Question Three: What does empowerment mean to you?
VM: I thought about this whole blog, especially because of the Stacy working and I still have such a hard time coming up with an answer. But I think kind of what I touched on before it's like empowerment to me means being brave and being able to be every part of you, and feeling strong enough to be able to do that. So I think that's why things like your podcasts are so important to is to help people find that part of them and to empower themselves to find that bravery and to find that strength.
AM: Oh yeah, I know I did something similar to like, I, I agree. And I think for me empowerment is, you know, being brave enough to do things, be brave enough to talk about it and be brave enough to fail. And, you know, I think that especially at the beginning of starting this company, you know, we had a lot or at least I know I had a lot of imposter syndrome and like, barely would talk about what we were doing was almost not good enough for you know maybe when we have more products on holiday, you know tell more people and they just felt like it was never good enough and now that we're doing this. Well, we'll see. And we just did subscription boxes and you know, we're just like talking so much because if it you know something works or something people like it that's great but you know if they don't, if that part doesn't catch on that's okay it's, we'll chalk it up as a learning and we'll just keep moving on to me that is one part of it.
Question Four: What are you currently working toward?
VM: Oh yeah, I know I did something similar to like, I, I agree. And I think for me empowerment is, you know, being brave enough to do things, be brave enough to talk about it and be brave enough to fail. And, you know, I think that especially at the beginning of starting this company, you know, we had a lot or at least I know I had a lot of imposter syndrome and like, barely would talk about what we were doing was almost not good enough for you know maybe when we have more products on holiday, you know tell more people and they just felt like it was never good enough and now that we're doing this. Well, we'll see. And we just did subscription boxes and you know, we're just like talking so much because if it you know something works or something people like it that's great but you know if they don't, if that part doesn't catch on that's okay it's, we'll chalk it up as a learning and we'll just keep moving on to me that is one part of it.
AM: I'm working towards taking my time, I am such a rush through things do things quickly do 10 things at a time that I know that sometimes it ends up being a hindrance and not a help. So that's something that like I've done all my life and it's. I'm really really working towards just like slowing down, and it's, it's so hard for me to slow down but just like taking things, you know, one day at a time and really focusing on what I'm what I'm doing
VM: Fun Fact at Alora’s old job they used to call her a laser because she did things like fast lazer sound effect
VL: Slowing down, it's going to be a good theme for me do all, ladies, thank you so much again for being on the show before I let you go, let us know where we can find you, where we can follow you. We feel like this question is a little bit obvious but how we can support your business.
AM: We feel like this question is a little bit obvious but how we can support your business. Yeah, so our website is WWW.SAMANDLANCE.COM, and then on all socials it's Sam and Lance, so you can find us on Instagram, Facebook, and yeah just follow us and sit down. We love just chatting with people we answer all our DMS because running in Singapore I'm in Toronto, we say that we're available 24 hours a day, because we are.
VM: So, another thing too, one thing we like to talk about is supporting small businesses doesn't have to cost anything so making sure you're following people on social media sharing stuff commenting. It's all all greatly appreciated like even if you love something we're doing like send us a message makes you feel good. And, yeah, you can you don't always have to spend money to support women to which is something that we like to remind everyone.
VL: I think that's a really good point but not everyone kind of remembers because a lot of times you will get zero waste products and you will get will be sustainable and ethical these ethical products as well and then you think like, oh my god like that. That's so expensive for floss or but so expensive for shampoo. I'm not used to paying that but you also understand that like you're making it an investment for your health, because the products are better quality but also for the world as a whole, like, the URL. Right. And then it's a great point to say that even just sharing and liking and commenting and yeah just being engaged and involved, mother. Gonna were so good. So amazing so we're getting our relaxed box we're getting our Zero Waste starter kit. We are shopping for wearable aroma therapy, love it, and are also getting and getting subscription boxes. This is just gonna, like, quietly send this episode to everyone and be like that. This is a great episode you should check it out and also has a really great gift ideas for the people in your life, pointing at myself.
VM: And we'll send it direct to your friends and family as they live far away and we'll write a little note for you so there's extra love and alaura learned like we don't pack them with love if we don't pack them with love, they're worried that it won't get ready to go so there's that there's always love in the book, there's good intentions whenever we pack it, it's important.
VL: Yes, it is. And I feel like those little things make such a big difference overall and I know when I open a package. If I'm opening. One of my friends from the States she sent me a little care package and it was like such a beautiful surprise to get you just feel. You just feel more whole and more happy when you get these boxes of love, so I'm really excited to be able to share this gift giving guide with everyone today. Ladies again thank you so much for being part of the show this has been an absolute blast I can't wait I'm going to go shopping right now.
free mediation and show notes at www.valerielavignelife.com/105
[00:27] Hi there welcome back to our final episode of the chakra series. Over the past year I have been sprinkling in chakra episodes into the show - in no particular order. However today is the last of the series, and it also happens to be the seventh, out of seven chakras, or main energy centres in the body.
Today is all about our seventh chakra: The Crown. Before we go into more detail, let’s review the seven main energy centres in the body:
Chakra One: Is the root chakra located at the base of the spine/tailbone
Episode 64: Reclaim Your Roots with the First Chakra
Chakra Two: Is the sacral chakra, located at the reproductive organs, below the belly button
Episode 89: Sexuality & The Sacral Chakra
Chakra Three: Is the core or solar plexus chakra, located in the abdomen above the belly button
Episode 79: Confidence & The Core Chakra
Chakra Four: is the heart chakra, at the centre of the chest
E96: Harmony & the Heart Chakra
Chakra Five: is the throat chakra, located at the throat
Episode 58: Speak Your Truth with the Fifth Chakra
Chakra Six: Is called the third eye chakra located at the forehead, between the eyebrows
Episode 71: Intuition & The Third Eye Chakra
And lastly, Chakra Seven: the crown chakra, located at the top of the head. This final crown area is different from the other areas in the body because it is actually above our physical body, just like a crown that sits on top of our heads.
[2:24] Along with specific locations in our physical body, the chakras also coincide with emotional, mental, and spiritual themes. The seventh chakra is all about knowing and learning. The meaning or purpose of this chakra is understanding. In Sanskrit the name for the seventh chakra is Sahasrara [SAH-HA-SRA-AH] ]which translates to ”thousandfold”. This is because the symbol of this chakra is a lotus with 1000 petals. I told you this chakra was different from the others!
The chakras also have colours, issues, identity, demons, characteristics, and much more.
Themes around the seventh chakra have to do with consciousness, awareness, the witness, belief systems, universal identity, higher power, transcendence, divinity, information, meaning, and unity. This chakra is represented by the element Thought, and the colour violet, or sometimes white.
To be honest, I was really delaying the production and launch of this episode. I’ve always been very intimidated by the crown chakra. It’s so much less tangible than the other chakras and for me, I find it complicated to explain.
[3:51] There is a chakra book that I always mention and refer to, it’s called Eastern Body, Western Mind by Anodea Judith. It’s an incredible resource for the Chakras and I refer to it each time I create these episodes. It’s like a textbook of sorts!
As I was rereading the chapter on the crown chakra I was reminded of something very important. The crown is not intangible, but rather it IS VERY tangible and connected to the physical world just like the other energy centres.
I sometimes get caught up in the limiting belief that to be spiritual you must give up all your physical possessions and devote your life to spirit. However this is a common misinterpretation entirely!
Spiritually and the material world go hand in hand. Spirituality is not about connecting to something so beyond us; it’s about connecting to a divine part of us. A part of us that already exists. A part of us we’ve always been able to access, but choose not to, or are taught not to bother with.
There is a really beautiful description of this chakra in the book I want to share with you:
“The crown chakra is the thousand-petaled lotus. Most people think of the petals as reaching up into the heavens; actually, the lotus petals turn downward like a sunflower, dripping nectar into the crown and down through the chakras. In this way, the two ends of the spectrum are profoundly connected. How can a lotus bloom without roots in the earth? How can it reach heaven if its roots are not deep and wide?”
Meaning this chakra, like the whole rainbow bridge of chakras, is about CONNECTION. And the purpose of this energy centre is to connect to the divine. To do this we must be able to ground, so the key to creating consciousness, and divine connection is BALANCE.
[6:05] Think of any time you’ve sat down to meditate. We meditate for a number of reasons. Sometimes it’s for relaxation, many times it’s for clarity, other times we wish to tap into creativity. Whatever our reason for meditation, we know that it is a spiritual practice. To start this practice we are typically seated. Rooted. Grounded down. We take stabilizing breaths. We become more present and balanced.
Are you picking up on all of this ROOT CHAKRA LANGUAGE? Once we are more grounded and relaxed, we are then able to TURN INWARD. INSIDE! Not outside, not up to heaven, not into a crystal ball. We are looking INSIDE OURSELVES; into a place we know, we just have to bring our awareness to this place.
As I’m preparing this episode it’s becoming more clear as to why I was avoiding it. I am someone, who from a very young age, has always been “different” from my family and friends. I used to see, hear, dream, know, and feel things that most people couldn’t explain. As a young girl this was quite troubling and I slowly quieted my voice to sharing what I was seeing, hearing, and feeling, because I was TOLD that these things weren’t real.
The senses never really went away though. Instead they manifested into dreams. Very vivid, very real dreams. I still have wild dreams every-single-night. I’m not even exaggerating when I say I have the craziest dreams. Almost every day I wake up and say, “I had the craziest dream” and each night they seem to get more wild. I don’t even know if I have the time to talk about last night’s dream.
For a while I started to keep a dream journal and try to interpret my dreams. Then I started asking the Archangels to leave me alone because I would wake up feeling tired. I asked them to let me sleep and stop sending me messages in my dreams. It worked sometimes, but I usually forgot to do it before bed.
The point is, during these times I didn’t have the tools or the teachers to help me navigate things that were unfamiliar to my own community. Most people I told dismissed, disregarded, or thought I was weird for what I was telling them.
It made me feel very DISCONNECTED from others and it is the reason why I decided to DISCONNECT from those parts of myself; so that I could feel connected to the people around me. Over time I found my people. The ones I could share my crazy dreams with and they wouldn’t judge me for it.
I found them through my own personal and spiritual practice. The more I learned about myself, the more I realized yoga and mediation were very important parts of my journey. The more I meditated and practiced yoga, and the deeper my spiritual practice became, the clearer everything became for me. From relationships, to my life path, to what my gifts were, to what was holding me back.
Now I feel like I need to interrupt this for a moment and say: just because I became more clear, did not mean that things got easier… hell to the no! They almost get a little harder haha because you’re stepping into this consciousness that not everyone can relate to or understand. Not everyone is on the same journey as you and this is an important piece to remember.
Since we are all on our own journeys, we must be patient and loving with others who do not have the same awareness as we do. This can be a challenging part of the spiritual journey.
[10:52] Just like all the other energy centres in the body, there are signs of deficiency, and excess of this seventh chakra.
Signs of a deficient Crown Chakra include:
- Spiritual cynicism
- Learning difficulties
- Rigid belief systems
- Apathy
- Excess in lower chakras: materialism, greed, domination of others
Sins of excess in the Crown Chakra include:
- Over intellectual-ization
- Spiritual addiction
- Confusion
- Dissociation from the body
The goal is to create balance in our chakras. A balanced Crown Chakra means:
- Ability to perceive, analyze and assimilate information
- Intelligent, thoughtful, aware
- Open-minded, able to question
- Spiritually connected
- Wisdom and mystery, broad understanding
When you’re considering your own journey and experience, think about how you can best support your crown chakra. At this point in the episode, if you’re still listening, the chances are you’re not entirely cynical about the chakras, however you might feel excess in your lower chakras in the sense that you feel heavy, and maybe tired.
Perhaps you relate more to the excess of the crown. Maybe you obsess over your spiritual practice, and you’re always trying to find a deeper meaning, or you’re always looking beyond; so much so you’ve lost the connection with your own body. Feeling less grounded.
What is so wonderful about our spiritual and life journeys is that we all learn and grow and understand in different ways. The key is to stay open to possibilities and opportunities.
[15:29] It is not only the crown chakra that helps us understand ourselves, it is all the chakras that are our teachers. The learning, growth, and transformation happens when we heal each of the lotus flowers, when we create balance.
Here’s what I recommend. Start with taking a moment to disconnect from the outside world. Get off your technology and find a comfortable spot to close your eyes and breathe. Start with your breath. Even our breath will teach us what is happening in our body.
Notice the tightness, pain, pressure, space, lightness, in the body. Which body part is asking for more attention, more love? Now which of the chakras does that body part connect with? Start there.
If you’re experiencing head tension, maybe it’s the crown chakra. All of the previous chakra episodes are there, as well as a Crown Chakra Meditation you can download for free HERE!
I can’t even believe I’m saying this but next week is DECEMBER 2020! The year of all years is coming to an end, I have some great podcast episodes coming up, I know you’ll love them!
ALSO my new Healthy Habits Workshops start next week! You can sign up for the upcoming healthy habit workshop at www.valerielavignelife.com/workshop
See you there!
with Samantha Kellgreen Full show notes + links available at www.valerielavignelife.com/samantha [00:47] VL: Samantha, welcome to the women's empowerment podcast. I'm so excited to have you here and to meet you today was thanks so much for having me I know I've been looking forward to this. Samantha and I just met today because you may reach out to me as a listener of the show, which is very exciting I always like meeting the, the listeners of the podcast, and after getting to know her a little bit through her website and through her blog posts, I was really excited to to meet you. So again, thank you so much for being on the show. You have a pretty interesting story and a pretty interesting background so I was wondering if you could share just a little bit about how long we you came on to this journey of helping the women feel more comfortable with their bodies and feel amazing in their bodies. SK: Yeah, so, you know, I started really more as a personal trainer and actually ended up being a running coach. I got very into endurance running really after college, I didn't run much before college, got into endurance running and started personal training I loved working with and I always pretty much worked with women. I loved working with them on, you know their health and fitness routines. However, I felt like it got way more into this is how I want you know women coming up to me this is how I want to look like literally given me a picture saying, I want to look like this. And I was like, This isn't right. Like this should not be your goal right it's so much bigger so I got my health coaching certification because it's like it's really more than just fitness, right. I feel like it's this bigger picture of who we are, how we want to live, um, but I experienced and I see how easy it is to fall into that trap of more is better. I mean with my running, running taught me a lot. I loved my, my running routine, sending up for races, but it got to the point where I was trying to hit a certain number of miles each week, and like that became the priority, not like do I feel amazing on this run it was, I have to get in this run, or I'm gonna feel guilty. And it slowly happens until you realize, Oh, I feel extremely guilty if I if I miss a run, or like running is who I am, I am the fit personal trainer, this is part of my identity. And then end it's really hard to get out of when, when health and fitness is a, you know, generally, a healthy thing. It's hard to see that fine line of when it goes a little too far being too obsessive right being too Oh, I'm going to go to this cookout but I'm gonna bring my own food, stuff like that. I have to be healthy, all the time it's part of who I am. Um, it is kind of perfectionism. And it really came to a head when we tried to get pregnant. And I realized I was I went off to Portland was I was missing my period. And it was because of, I was at an energy deficit, it's called hypothalamic amenorrhea, and from the endurance running and not eating enough to support that it takes a lot of calories to maintain, you know, just like the, you know, 30 miles a week, when I'm not training for anything. And I was too far under that I was not prioritizing rest and sleep, it was, I've got to get up and get this run in. So, too bad I can just push through it. I think that is very prevalent, especially for men right push through, you can do car Superwoman all of that and really wasn't focused on how my body really felt it was more on paper, what can I check off. So I had to really re evaluate things. And in doing that, that's when I brought in more of the mindset was like okay my mindset is in the wrong place I can be, you know, quote unquote healthy on paper, but is it healthy mindset do I wake up with feeling positive, or feeling like I've got to check all these things off. And so that was a really big disconnect that I kind of had to had to reconcile. [5:00] VL: Wow, what a huge awakening, what a huge realization to come to because I can relate I'm, I'm in the fitness industry in the health and wellness industry and I think people do really find that there's this image of you that you need to uphold and I know for myself like I was working on every day and I kept telling people like I'm not doing it for the satisfaction of doing your for the type bomb or whatever, you know you're going to the gym for to look like a certain thing. I knew that I was going because it helped me prepare for my day, it was part of my, my morning routine, it was part of my, my mindset and my emotional well being and I kind of joked and I said you know like the gym was my therapy, because that's what it felt like. And when we went into lockdown this year, I stopped going to the gym every day it was closed. And I made excuses for not working out at home and why I didn't want to train in the garage or at the park or in the house and I lost that part of my routine, and I started to feel different in my body and I would catch myself thinking that I had to look a certain way or fit to a certain size, and I was like whoa whoa whoa whoa Well, this is not why I train this is not why I lift weights, this is not why I moved my body and I kind of had to catch myself in that that mindset trap and recognize you know that it's more than the physical activity it's more than the looking, a certain way it's how you're feeling, not based on what someone else does, but on the box that you create for yourself, not other people's boxes that were supposed to check off so very, very much relate to what you just said. It's a huge, it's a huge, kind of, it's a huge thing to admit, I think to ourselves a lot of people aren't really willing to admit that. So let's talk a little bit more about that shift for you and maybe how we can create the shift in our own minds to how do we move them. Okay, I want to train, but I don't want to feel guilty for wanting to look a certain way, how do we get out of this kind of mindset. [7:08] SK: Right. And I agree I think I've talked about this with a number of other women before that there's, you know there's diet culture which I definitely do not agree with that idea of, you know, thin is always better losing weight is up you know gaining weight is bad, you should always be striving to lose weight diet foods all of this. But then there's anti diet culture, which can make you feel guilty for having a physical goal. And I think that there's this big in between that we can live in and it's, you know, it's called balance which is like, oh haha. Good luck finding balance. But I think it's when you're setting the either setting physical goals, or just looking at what you want your workout routine to be like, and thinking for one setting benchmarks of what is, what are my bigger values, right, is like my body, my looks, my biggest value. No, that's not my biggest value but how can I still have that part of my life, and looking at when I set these goals, making sure you don't override those values Okay, my, my family, my friends, you know, spending time with them is my biggest value. So, if I am routinely turning down, invites, and stuff like that, in favor of getting to the gym, and I don't mean just once or twice once or twice is fine, I mean every single time that you're placing the gym or sticking to a certain way of eating over friends and family. That's when there's a disconnect so that's that red flag, and that it's not every single time you know it's okay to turn down a happy hour, nothing. COVID is weird. It's okay to turn down that invite in favor of a boot camp class that you really love, but when you feel like I'd really love to go see my friends but oh my i will feel so guilty if I miss this class that that is the red flag. You know what I mean. So it's really finger on how can I, how can I make sure that I feel, placing how you feel, over, checking it off, if that makes sense. So, how can I kind of make these parameters of I'd like to do yoga this mini tends to be, I'd like to run this many times a week, but if these bigger values take precedence. If it's a conflicting thing. What am I going to choose every time. It can't be the running every single time. It's got to be a given take and paying attention to if it's guilt and control driving it. Or, I love this class and I really want to take it and I feel amazing because of it. So it's real I mean that you can't, it's hard to put them on paper but you can't deny that. Is it coming from a controlling guilty vibe. It's just a vibe, or is it coming from a, I love this this lights me up five. And that's like hard to define, but I think you know what when you feel it. [9:57] VL: Absolutely. So, we talk a lot about our core values on the show, and what that means to us and how to honor those values and that's by getting clear about what they are. And then, you know, making the choices based on those values so like you said if you're putting friends and family first, then you're not going to, kind of, I guess, step over those relationships or put those relationships to the side, because of what you think you should be doing or how you think you should be looking so again like that's that can be really tough for us to to transition to, and I know for myself like when I miss a workout, I sometimes kind of beat myself up over it, and I feel bad because now I feel bad about not going to my workout I feel bad because my body didn't get the movement that it needs and I'm just like, achy and grumpy and all of these things. So how do we stop believing, negative thoughts about our body, how do we get over that piece? SK: Oh god, it's so hard right, for one, I think the biggest misconception is that we are going to reach this like euphoric epiphany of I will never have a negative thought about my body and that's where I need to be, I will never think anything bad. I will love everything about my body 100% of the time and that is pretty much impossible, so accepting that that isn't possible makes it a much easier, because then you don't beat yourself up for thinking, oh I don't love how I look in the shirt, you can have that thought. I feel like saying it out loud. Because it feels so silly to be like, oh my arms look fat, when you say that out loud and hear how ridiculous that sounds if that is your biggest concern. It really does help. There are much bigger things going on in the world right. It was the one friend I was talking to and she had kind of the same background I had had to put on a couple pounds to get a healthy menstrual cycle back. And she was like, I'm going to meet up with my friends. I feel like I need to warn them, that she had kind of weighed I was like whoa listen to that language warn them for what they why, you know, this is you, they are happy to see you. You know, look at those the bigger thing do you, and it always helps to look in the reverse of, if my friend is my mom if my daughter would ever send my arms look fat. Would I be like yeah, they kind of do. No, you're not seeing them for their body they're not seeing you for your money when you meet someone, this is always a good example when you, you know, you're out for a walk, strike up a conversation with a woman, when you go back home if you really enjoyed that conversation, are you keeping in mind what size, she is and how she looked in her clothes. No, it's the essence of who she is, of how she spoke to you of how she carried herself regardless of weight or size. Those are the things the impressions that we leave on people. It's reminding yourself that's all in your head, we are our harshest critics. And we are only seeing the physical things reflected back in the mirror we're not getting the full essence of who we are, which is what every single other person in our life gets. [13:18] VL: Mmm hmm. Like nodding along like, yes, yes, yes 100%. It's so drone I think when we, when we do meet people, whether they're new people, or friends when we listen to their languaging when we listen to how they're communicating with us or what they're saying about themselves, the things that we're recognizing the things that stand out to us. Those are our mirrors and those are what we see it in ourselves. So, whether they say it, or we see it in them. It's a mirror for us, and I think it's a really, really important piece of information. I'm a really big observer because for my work and as you probably know this too. When you're training people, you need to be watching every little part of their body. When you say, bend your knees, you need to make sure that the knees are in alignment, you should make sure their hips are in alignment you should make sure their spine is in alignment, not only in this physical way, we need to be observing ourselves and the people around us, but in a bigger way in the way that we carry ourselves and the way that we speak in the way that we think, even when we pay attention to these things, we're gaining this information about us. And like you said, it's, it's not what we think that person weighs, or how we think that person looks is what we carry with us. It's the personality, it's how we felt around that person. Yeah. And that to me is huge. As a huge reminder. When you said because I think, Oh my gosh, You're right. I want people to leave my classes or to leave a conversation with me and think about how I impacted their life in a positive way, not how I made them feel smaller because you know, we don't look the same or we don't dress the same or whatever it is like why would anyone think that. The other thing I always tell myself is when I catch myself in those negative mindset thoughts like, oh my gosh my pants don't me anymore like I just feel gross or whatever. Again, if your friend said that to you. What would you say back you wouldn't be like yo Yeah, totally. You're right. I would never say that to your friend. So I like to remind people that you know the most important relationship you have in this world is the one you have with yourself, and you really need to speak, kindly to yourself. [15:56] SK: Yeah, it was. And, and going back to like you know how do we set these goals and keep fitness you know how health is such a loaded word I feel like it's something healthy, you know, but how do we kind of keep it in perspective and not obsessive and thinking of okay are you trying to fix, featuring a fix. Are you trying to uplift, you know, I feel a connection with honestly with my higher self when I'm running, especially I'm trail running, I love that and it's not about a calorie burn, I do not get the same thing, although they're both cardio, I do not get the same thing in the spin class, so I don't really go to spin class but I prefer running, and yes they're both cardio, you can look at it from that perspective but the feeling I get when I'm doing it is a different purpose for heading out for a run, and a different feeling I get on the run and when I come back, I feel it's not like oh I burned a lot of calories on that run, it's like, oh my i felt like myself and I felt connected and I feel energized and excited for my day. So that's a feeling, to go for not like, what did I burn right i think that there's this. And it's done for us. This calorie map of eat this much burn this much, you know, weigh this much these are calculations but it, it's bullshit. It doesn't work like bodies don't work like that. That feeling of like, Oh, I'm on vacation so calories don't count it's like your body. That's all in your head. Your body is responding to so much more than just the calories you're putting into it, it's how did they feel the reasons behind choosing a salad, is it I'm going to feel guilty if I don't choose a salad I should, anytime you think I should that's a red flag shooting is a red flag, because this Where is that coming from. Is it because I feel like I should order the salad. That's what I should be doing to be good or oh my god I haven't had a salad I haven't like made myself a big salad in a week. It takes a lot of different ingredients, I haven't had the like wherewithal to do that. That sounds amazing that's when I'm gonna order. Again, same with like the running, it's the same salad, but the motivations are different. And if you're ordering things we all know that you feel like you quote unquote should, you're going to get what you want later. You're going to search for that because something has not been not been fulfilled, you know, it's really, it's really that feeling of having to to deserve something of I need to be this way so I deserve something else, and it doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that, you know, we can have. You and I could eat the same exact thing do the exact same workout and it's gonna affect our bodies in different ways, because we're different people. [18:37] VL: Absolutely. It's so annoying I get this question all the time. What do you eat, and I'm like, I'm not a nutritionist, I get older, I hope I like food and I eat food all the time and I love like I love food and try new recipes. If one more person asks me what do I, I just I don't understand the question, why does that matter, it's not interesting either not. It's boring. Like, I have all I've got today is coffee so far, I mean it's still early in the morning but it's an it doesn't matter because what week is going to be different and affecting our body and, like, I really love broccoli, and I really love brussel sprouts, but I also really love chocolate and I love donuts and I love cookies. And I always tell people I hate kale, oh my goodness I despise kale. Kale is supposed to be the decoration and the deli counter is not for eating. And I tell people I'm like, I don't really eat kale because it doesn't make me feel good, and he loves kale so healthy, like, it doesn't make me feel good so I'm not gonna eat it. Right. It doesn't matter if it's if it's healthy if I don't want if I'm like, oh killer so gross. as I'm eating it I'm just thinking about how disgusting This is and how hard it is to chew and how bloated I feel after I eat it. It's not going to digest well in my body. SK: No, it's not. It's true. And so I think going back to that idea of like anti diet culture of, it's okay to have the doughnut for breakfast yes it's okay that doesn't mean force yourself to eat a doughnut to prove that you're anti diet culture, like, I don't love sweets in the morning I go for a savory. I am more of like a eggs toast avocado like, that's my jam. I will have a bite of a doughnut. But I would rather have a doughnut for dessert. Like, that's when I'm going to have my sweets because that's when I like them. And it's more of the freedom to choose what you want in the moment. And I think that we have this fear I just actually did a live in my facebook group about this we have this fear of doing what makes you happy doing what you want to do, whether it's eating food anything that we're going to turn into this lazy person who doesn't have any ambitions or goals or eat anything healthy or move their body in any way. And it's no like that's a total opposite. It just means not forcing yourself to do something just because you think you shouldn't do it, listening, a little more intuitively, because we all have drive I mean, your listeners. We have drive, we're not going to sit and watch Netflix all day. But it's the fear that if we allow ourselves to sit and watch one show after an exhausting day that we're not pushing ourselves hard enough and we're not going to get to where you want to be. And that's just not the case i mean you think about going on vacation. And I think this every single time that after a week vacation, no matter how amazing and fun it was, it's kind of nice to be back in your routine. Right, it's you kind of missed that routine because we crave for too we like it we just want to be able to break for you and we can and not have those restrictions that honestly we're just placing on ourselves every day. [21:44] VL: I 100% agree I used to be so against routine and discipline because I thought I was conforming to being boring and like, I'm not even kidding you, I was like, No, I'm the rebel, I identify as a rebel, I'm never gonna routine I live by the seat of my pants like this is just how life is. And then I heard this quote that discipline equals freedom. And I'm not going to go into it. I know it's about. I'm not gonna go into a team just like three words it's crazy right but like it's so true. And the more I became clear about my routines and my daily habits, the more I stuck to them and built them they started to compound over time, and it didn't matter if I miss a workout it didn't matter if I had one donut or two or three donuts, it didn't matter, because I felt so good in my body from putting in these daily routines also did an episode recently talking about how to increase your vitality. I've been feeling good the last little while. And I went to see a nutritionist and she said well there's actually a few pretty major parts of your body that aren't really doing so well. However, the reason why you're not like in your bed, crying and pain and all these things is because you have a really high vitality, because you have these healthy habits in place, and even though your body is kind of going towards burnout feeling a little different down. It's not affecting you as it weren't to someone who doesn't have these healthy habits in place. And I thought, Whoa, that was huge for me to, to hear someone else say hey listen, I scan your body and we figured things out. And, you know, you're not like dying or and I'm not okay it was fine. Just intuitively I was like, I really feel good something's wrong. Yeah, something's off and I, and I want to address it before it becomes a little bit more out of control. So that was a really kind of interesting piece to come to but it was all about healthy habits. So tell us. I don't know if you want to share your healthy habits or just some tips for helping us build daily routines that feel good for us, where can we start. [23:46] SK: Yeah, so that's the key is that feels good for you. So I'll give the example of meditation. And before you roll your eyes, people listening. Um, I tried meditation two different times and it didn't stick. I mean like for Lent I did it every day for six weeks, and it did not stick. I wasn't ready for it. Now, I have think I'm on day like 70 or so with insight timer doing it every day, and I look forward to it and I love it. So it's trying different things, I can tell you what I do, I will tell you what I do, but this has been letting it kind of come to me trying out different things and then realizing hey this feels good. I'm going to add this to my routine. So like I've got this morning routine that I never had before, because I was under the impression Hey every morning is different. You know, I've had a different time that I get up, although now I've got a toddler so that's not so much anymore, but you know I can't have a morning routine because every day is different. INSIGHT TIMER And that's okay that was okay at the time, my morning routine at the time was at whatever time I get up these kinds of things I do it might be in a different order right now though my morning routine is I get up at a specific time I get up at 515. Um, so I can get about 15 minutes of yoga or some morning movement I'll either do my own or follow a video. I meditate for five to 10 minutes doing, and I've been doing insight timer for a while now it's guided meditation. I got a journal, and it's got some just questions same questions every day, which is really nice because then I look back through my answers are totally different every day. And then I work for about an hour before I get my son up. And before I wasn't doing yoga in the mornings, but I joined this yoga challenge. And it was every day for 30 days, and I was doing it sporadically throughout like different times throughout the day I was like I really like this I'm going to try to make sure I do it I'm going to do in the morning, and it felt really good to move in the morning, I felt much more. I guess flexible and open. I felt much more relaxed and said I used to get up and go for a run like immediately like within 15 minutes of my alarm going off I was running, which is very stiff and very tight. I noticed how good it felt to do those stretches that was a year ago. And I've been doing it every morning because it feels good, not because someone said, you should move for 15 minutes in the morning and this way. I let it come to me. So these are things to try but the biggest thing is what makes you feel good you get up and you really look forward to a cup of coffee. Great. Get up and your first thing you do is coffee yeah you're nodding. My thing is coffee too but I get up and I do, you know, a little yoga or meditation and then I get my coffee. And I look forward to it you want that when your alarm goes off, you know, talking about morning routines. When your alarm goes off, you want to at least be somewhat excited about what the next hour or so, holds. And so getting up and thinking, Okay, I got to get through this checklist. It should be okay I'm going to get up and do these things that I enjoy and try different things. So there's a zillion morning or teams out there, right, the elements that I like are the movement that can be in any way, like I say I do yoga, it can be just stretching it can be. I mean, maybe you do like to get up and go for a quick run if that feels really good and you wake up and you're looking forward to it and do it, some form of movement, some sort of stillness, so it could be laying in savasana, it could be a guided meditation journaling, or writing. That is really helped me. But this isn't for everyone doing affirmations, I think try those elements and try them for like a week or two, right, because maybe the first days like this feels weird. This isn't me, but by day four you're like, I wouldn't like really looking for it I'm getting something out of this. And sometimes we don't notice until it's gone. I had been doing that routine of the yoga and the meditation. And I went to visit my parents were gone for almost like 10 days, my parents in my in laws. And towards the end, I was like, I just feel like often blood is like, I have not been doing my routine like my parents would get my son in the morning so asleep and a little bit which was great, but then after over a week of not doing these things I felt out of alignment, it's like, oh, I'm gonna go do like 10 minutes of yoga. I'm gonna go sit for five minutes and meditate and I felt much better. So sometimes you don't notice that you're gone I'm like, oh that was like really working. So knowing that it doesn't have to be a set structure. Some people love structure, some people don't. Some people are going to be feel confined by it, and some people are going to like set foot kind of almost liberated by like these are the steps that I do. But trying these things and different orders, seeing what really sticks seeing what you look forward to asking yourself what you look forward to what do you feel better after you do it, you know, maybe you wake up, you're like I don't really feel like doing yoga. But you notice Hey after I do those 10 minutes. I feel lighter. I feel more calm, more centered, those are the feelings you want to kind of cultivate. [29:13] VL: Yes, 100%. I like what you said about when you wake up, you want to feel excited for the next hour of your day. And a lot of people don't they had silos. Oh my gosh, like so many people I know they're like oh I had to get up today oh it's Monday. It's Tuesday like. Who wants to feel like that every day. Exactly. And I like when I do stick to my morning routine when I do the things that make me feel good. I have so much more energy to take on the rest of the day so it's huge. It's a huge kind of routine to to get started with in your healthy habit journey, so I i mean i i talk about these topics all the time and I've learned so much, and I love what you have had to share with us today. So where can we find you Where can we follow you and how can we support your business. SK: Oh yes, awesome. I'm on Instagram it's at simply while coaching. My website is simply while coaching calm and I talk about I mean all the things you talked about today, and I feel like my biggest driver is how can we be less rigid and less doing the things we quote unquote shouldn't do, and doing things that bind us up, bring joy, make us happy and feel good, and how do you and those are different for everyone, but this is what I talk about I also offer a free 30 minute call and mindset shift. So 30 minute coaching call to wherever you're kind of feeling stuck, and maybe you've tried some things and they're just not sticking you can't really figure out okay how do I get into my groove, what is healthy. What does healthy mean for me, I'm happy to jump on a call if you go to my website you can look it there if you go to my Instagram you can look it there too. And happy to happy to help. INSTAGRAM | @simplywellcoaching WEBSITE | www.simplywellcoaching.com [31:08] RAPID FIRE ROUND: Now, are you ready for a rapid fire round? Question number one: What are you currently reading or what's your favourite book? SK: Oh, I'm currently reading Gabby Bernstein, the Universe Has Your Back, and loving it. It is so oh it's so inspiring and God I just like, eat up all of her stuff, it's amazing. Question number two: What do you love most about being a woman? SK: Oh. What do I love most. I feel like that we are so multifaceted that we are allowed to be confusing. Confused ourselves full of emotions and unpredictable and just powerful amazing answer question number three. Question number three, What does empowerment mean to you? SK: Oh. What do I love most. I feel like that we are so multifaceted that we are allowed to be confusing. Confused ourselves full of emotions and unpredictable and just powerful. Question number four: What are you currently working toward? SK: Physically trying to get my handstand. Physically trying to get it, get a hold of my handstand it is all over the place I have no control over it, but it's been fun to learn. I'm really in my business. Just working with women that I get on these calls and we liked each other up that we have conversations, just like we had today and getting more of that into my life and into their lives.
www.valerielavignelife.com/103 for the full show notes! [00:52] It’s us crazy humans who like to complicate things. I am totally guilty of it, don’t you worry. The good news is, in today’s episode I am going through each of your biggest struggles when it comes to healthy habits so that you can finally overcome them! Before we dive in, take a moment to think about some of your struggles when it comes to healthy habits. Where do you get stuck? What excuses do you make? What’s holding you back? Got them? Okay. If I don’t talk about your biggest struggle, please send me a dm on instagram @vallavignelife and/or let me know in the comments section below so that I can better support you in overcoming this struggle! Struggle No.1: Consistency [1:52] The first one we’re going to talk about today, is the one I hear about the most: CONSISTENCY. eDo you have a hard time keeping up with your fitness plan? Or healthy eating? Maybe you want to meditate each day but you hit snooze in the mornings instead? This is actually such a popular question/topic that I have an entire episode dedicated to it: E78: How to Stay Consistent with Your Wellness Here’s where to start and be more consistent with your healthy habits: start with ONE habit. Just one. When you’ve decided what that habit should be, ask yourself: “What do I have to do before this can be done?” For example, let’s say you decide homemade lunches during the week is your one goal. You’re tired of spending money every day on lunches that aren’t very satisfying. Before you can make lunches for the week, you have to go grocery shopping for food. You also have to figure out what you’re going to eat for lunch. Therefore, before we can start our habit of homemade lunch we have two things we must do first. Now that you know the answer to this question, you can begin to prepare for your success! Take a look at your calendar or planner and schedule in your grocery shopping AND meal prepping. Then, right here and now I want o to plan out your meals for the week. Don’t panic, it doesn’t have to be scary… in fact, let your homemade lunches be EASY! My boyfriend and I make our lunch for the next day every evening before, while we’re making dinner. Most of the time we make extra dinner and eat the extra for lunch the next day. We keep things SUPER SIMPLE: One vegetable or our usually salad mixture + a serving of meat. We each like different snacks, so we will pack those also. TAKEAWAY: Knowing your goal/habit is great, now get even more clear and figure out what you need to do BEFORE you can do your habit. There is usually one or two things you need to do before to set yourself up for success. Struggle No.2: Complicated [4:36] I hinted to this second struggle a little bit, which is that we make it TOO COMPLICATED, or we OVER COMPLICATE our healthy habit/goal. Again, I’m guilty of this! Sometimes I hear about other people’s amazing daily meditation practices, or their incredibly tranquil and relaxing evening routines. I think of all the wonderful things I’d like to do before bed, like have an epsom salt bath surrounded by all the candles in the house, or meditate with my essential oils, or perhaps a 30 minute journaling and oracle card pulling. And guess what, I’ve never-ever had an evening routine exactly like that because it’s WAY TOO different and complicated from what I’m doing now. I’m not saying it isn’t possible, because it absolutely is. I’m saying that if you’re not already doing 4/5 of those things, don’t try to recreate your evening routine in this complicated way, because when we can’t even do our goal or habit for a few days in a row, we become very discouraged and unmotivated to continue or to try something different. Okay so, how do we simplify? We choose ONE habit, and then we ask, how can we break this down more? Let’s say you want to start working out again. You used to workout 5 days a week… but lately you’ve been spending more time on the couch than at the gym. Instead of saying, I’m going to workout 4-5 times a day, let’s simply. Look at your calendar and see where you can realistically schedule in A SINGLE WORKOUT FOR THE WEEK? You see that Monday late more there is an opportunity for you to workout. Schedule your workout into your calendar/planner. Do ONE workout this week. Yes ONE. ANYONE can do one workout, right? And so can you! And get this… if you can’t do your workout on the Monday, look where else you can fit your ONE workout in. It’s a lot harder to make excuses for one workout a week than it is for five. ALSO, if you do a workout on Monday, and then also get another workout in on Wednesday, you’ve just exceeded your weekly goal. The following week I encourage you to work your way up to twice a week. And so on and so forth. Build on this one habit. As you build the habit, you are also starting to build your self-trust and your self-confidence. Which will support your consistency. Struggle No.3: Negative Self-Talk [7:36] The third struggle when it comes to healthy habits is negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. Let me tell you right now, this is one of the most painful and limiting blocks of all, and sometimes we aren’t even aware of it. Believing you are WORTHY, knowing in your heart that you are ENOUGH, that you are DESERVING of self-love, self-care, a healthy and happy life is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves. Here’s where to start: Think of how you want to feel. What is the word that describes how you want to feel? Now think about a time when you’ve felt that way in the past. Where were you? Who were you with? What were you doing? Seeing? Smelling? Tasting? You can really get a lot out of this exercise when you take some time to do it. I always enjoy journaling through this. When you’ve found the answers to these questions, you’ll have more information about what lights you up and brings you into alignment with how you want to feel. Even though you might not be able to recreate the exact memory or moment, you can brainstorm ways to bring that feeling into your every-day life. Maybe your goal is to feel calm, because during your remembering you were brought back to a lovely yoga retreat you were on. You loved the morning yoga practice, the delicious food that was made for you, the calming music, the no screen time, and the lavender essential oil you could smell. You were surrounded by like-minded people and the sun was always shining. Realistically we don’t live at that yoga retreat every day, but we can pull parts of the retreat into our daily healthy habits to help us connect to the feeling we want. Here are some simple habits based off this example: * Morning yoga practice (can be anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes) * Scheduling a date night with your partner or a friend each week where you can enjoy the food and each others company * Setting aside time every day to turn off your screens and be more present, or use that time to go for a walk around the block * Take a few deep breaths of lavender essential oil, or diffusing lavender as you work or before bed each night.
Healthy can be simple, and you my darling are WORTHY of feeling good. Struggle No.4: It’s too expensive to be healthy [12:22] As a wellness educator I often hear this excuse or struggle when it comes to healthy habits: “it’s too expensive to be healthy” WRONG. For a few reasons, the first is that there are so many free resources you can use and take advantage of to incorporate into your daily lifestyle and routine. From online workout videos, to free meal plan downloads, to free coaching calls, to mediation apps, and so much more. Another reason why this is false is because you will end up paying for your health one way or another. Therefore, you can either choose to invest in preventative health so that you live a high quality life of feeling good, and striving for balance. OR you can pay for the prescriptions, appointments, and hospitality for when your body can’t take care of itself anymore. If hearing that is a bit of a wake up call for you, I think you know your next move. Invest in ONE area of your health today. Remember that we’re not trying to change our entire lifestyle overnight and the goal isn’t to become a super healthy person who no longer eats a, b, c, or x, y, and z. And never goes on social media and only eats out once a week, etc. etc. Being a healthy human is about feeling good and loving our bodies. Struggle No.5: Don’t have time [14:39] Now let’s wrap this no excuses episode up with our final struggle when it comes to healthy habits, there is no time. Heck there’s never any time. Between the job, and the kids, and the content creation, and the commuting, and the living out the lives we already have - how on earth are we supposed to get anything done let alone add in a new habit!? We make time for what is important to us. We can ALWAYS make time. We prioritize our time and if your healthy habit isn’t a priority, it isn’t going to get done. I’ll never forget an example I heard, and I think it was on a podcast but I can’t remember which one. They were talking about how we always say we’re busy or we can’t do something because we don’t have time. The example was when we’re working at our computer from home and our kid comes in and says “mom can you play with me?” and we say, “not now hunny I’m busy” But if our kid came in with a pair of scissors stuck in their bleeding arm and said “mom can you help me?” you better forking help that child right away and I know you will not be brushing them in that moment. What changed? The priority changed. Playing with your kid wasn’t a priority, your kid’s health was. It’s a bit of a graphic example but I will never forget it and it really made me think about what was important to me, what I was making time for. If you aren’t really sure where your priorities are, I would highly recommend tracking how you spend your day. It’s as simple as grabbing a pen and a notebook and writing down the time, what you did during that time and how long it took you. As an example: 7:00 am woke up, checked emails and instagram, 30 minutes 7:30 am showered, brushed teeth, 15 minutes 7:45 am made coffee, caught up on the news, 20 minutes Right away you can see that you’ve been on your phone for almost an hour that morning. Do you need to be on emails, instagram, and the news right away? Definitely not. Cut it down, cut it out, or reschedule it to make a more “health” or “heart-centred” morning routine. Alright my dear. I know some of what I said today might have felt a bit tough to digest. Maybe it felt a little too close to home. And maybe there are other things going on in your life that I don’t know about that are the reason why you aren’t making moves forward for your healthy habit. Here’s what I do know. I know that you are enough, and that incorporating a healthy habit into your life will help you be the better, daughter, mother, teacher, sister, partner, and human. I know that getting out of your own way can be really hard to do. I also know that when we get out of our own way, when we go for our goals and dreams, we can move mountains. No more excuses, and no time like the present! Let me support you and hold you accountable! Reach out on instagram @vallavignelife or in the comments section below tell me your habit, tell me your struggle, let’s do this together.
with Tasha Romanelli
Full show notes at: www.valerielavignelife.com/tasha
Today I am very excited to introduce you to a very special guest, and a great friend of mine, Tasha Tasha is an intuitive healer, with the gift to see and feel energy. To put it plainly, she is a clairvoyant.
[00:19] VL: With one's permission she lifts the physical veil and sees and feels your energy pinpointing areas within your body, mind, that have energetic blockages likely due to emotional trauma and reprogramming. It is through her practical training as a Reiki Master, and certified meditation teacher that she can help you remove those energetic blocks, doing so in a way that you can relate to connect with and embody so that you can fully step into your higher self raising your vibration to a whole new level, Tasha this path wasn't always clear for her. Since childhood she very her gifts and talents for the fear of being judged and notice, no stranger to being called a weirdo crazy and a freak. She hid behind her in the gifts. It wasn't until she became a mother that she had to live out her truth and quit her six figure career as an award winning art director, to set out on her own spiritual journey. Choosing the path of courage, or fear, she is now letting the world know who she is, unapologetically embracing her frake and redefining the word, as we know it. In hopes to inspire her own children, and others along the way. Welcome Tasha. [2:09] TR: Thank you, My God, give me goosebumps. I'm like is that me. Yes, it's me. VL:It's so powerful like again reading it gave me goosebumps too and being around you is just like. It's such an incredible gift so we've known each other for, I don't know, a few months now, like a super long time but we've been connected over the last little while and we met in person, after we met up originally online. And I know that being around your presence, virtually is obviously very different, like most people's experiences, however being with you in a physical one on one sense, it's just, It's so incredible because you have such a presence and you're really great at holding space for people so I'm really excited to be hosting you on today's show, and I know that we're going to have an incredible episode. But I also want to thank you for your gifts and the time that we share together so far. TR: Thank you. Yeah, I mean, even though it hasn't been that long. Our souls. We know each other for a long time there is no doubt about that. The minute I knew or, I saw you. And we connected. I was like, my heart needs to be yours. Right. It was just like this cosmic connection and, and I'm grateful for the relationship that we have and that we're building, so thank you and thank you for having me on your show. [3:49] VL: Of course I'm really excited. So let's jump right into you. let's learn more about you and your journey to finding your courage and really stepping into that spiritual power, take us from the beginning. TR: Oh my gosh, where do I begin. There are so many different points in my life where I had to choose courage over fear. Starting at the beginning, how about we go there because I think it's a very important part of my journey, one that I recognize this and acknowledge that has truly helped me become who I am today. Being a young child living in a world of, let's say, rainbows and unicorns and fairies. That is where I lived and existed when I was a little girl. I had an imaginary friend Her name is Brianna and she was this beautiful fairy she had this like flaming red orange hair, and she wore in a braid along like down her side here like over her shoulder. She weren't clean and she was just so flawless like just beautiful. And we're best friends, and we played beautifully together, and she's probably, this was like rainbow bright days like glow worm. This is this is the 80s right is is all of these really fun cool toys that existed back then. And I just love playing with cars. And it wasn't until that my father actually he recognized that I was playing with someone, and question that. And he said, Who are you playing with. And then I looked at him and then I looked at Breanna. And I looked at my dad again, and then I looked at her like in confusion like how do you not see who I am playing with. And before you know it, she was gone. She disappeared, and I was devastated, and that was sort of like my first. I guess realization of connecting with another world that just doesn't exist in our reality in our, you know 4d world. And I was devastated. From there we didn't move. So I lived in Bolton, Ontario. And then from there we moved into my family's country home and Hillsburg on property, beyond our visit. And, and then from there we moved into my family's country home and I would help her. On Property now having this gift to see beyond our physical. I wouldn't call it that as a child because I had no idea what to see. I transitioned into a place of from rainbows and unicorns to a place of fear, and disarray. The gift that I had really manifested itself into seeing things that I can't even begin to describe. It was horrible. and it was horrifying and it was fearful and. Well, it made me really question What the heck I'm seeing. And the interesting fact was it wasn't just me. It was my brother, and that sort of validated that what I saw was just a figment of my imagination. What we saw and what we felt was very very real, the land that we lived on from my understanding was an old native burial. My brother and I, the property that we lived on when we would go out and play we would find arrowheads, and we would bring them home and we would show my mom and my dad and luckily found look at this right. And every time that there would be like a thunderstorm or just really dark because it was always dark we lived out in the woods, basically, and on the property and he would just see things and my brother and I, we would get so freaked out I would hop in the bed with him and I would sleep with him on probably about five years old at this point. And, and we would be so paranoid we would be frozen paralyzed with fear and still to this day I remember saying to him I'm like, did you see that you like. Did you see that. And like yeah I saw that, like was that you, and he's like no it wasn't me, it was you, like no it wasn't me, it was you know like we would trip, each other out because we weren't sure of like what we would, but we just didn't know what we received, and we couldn't believe it. You just couldn't believe it. And I said to him, and I say to him every so often, I say, "Paul" his hame is Paul, "if by any chance I'm on my death bed and it's my time to go, let me tell you, I will be asking you this question, because it has set the path to my journey in this world an dI need to know if I'm not crazy, was it you?" and so every time he says, "no." and so it just solidifies exactly what we saw, but that's really the beginning and I was so afraid, and my brother was definitely someone that I can feel safe with and connect with. I made my dad Pedro rainbow in my bedroom, just so like on the wall, so that this way I could feel safe, knowing that, you know, I guess from where I was with rainbows and unicorns with Perry, prior to living there I always felt happy and safe and myself. So I tried to recreate that but it just did not work the land space the energy around the whole place. It was pretty, pretty horrifying. So that was kind of like the, you know, the beginning of things for me and understanding. Oh, well, she was encouraged over fear I guess right but. But that's one big part of it. And then there are other areas of my life where I've had to step into that as well. I was in my early teenage years, I found myself in a very domestic abusive relationship. Ever since I was a little girl I always had this innate feeling that I have to help heal people. And I would call myself nurse Tasha. So I wanted to actually be a nurse as a little girl. And that could stem from many different reasons that I won't dive into right now, but I always had this feeling of I it's my gift to help heal people and make people happy. make me feel better, making them feel welcome. You know that they're not alone. I guess because I just felt always so scared and alone in my own head. And I wanted others to people. I want other people to feel safe and happy. And so I found this most relationship I got into this relationship actually that became very abusive to me. And when you're in domestic relationship, no one should ever be in domestic abusive relationship. But when you are over a long period of time, you begin to lose yourself. And when you lose yourself, you. You are literally living in fear and you're scared shitless, especially when the other person is very possessive over you, you lose your friends, you become isolated. You, you become fearful because the one that's abusing you is threatening that they will kill themselves if they if you leave them. And so like there was a lot of crap that went down and having you know my life taken from me almost twice, from this person. I don't even know who I was, for those period of times, other than being a scared, scared little girl, and being extremely ashamed for putting myself in the position that I was in. And, and then it was one day that I actually ran for my life, I actually ran for my life. We were sitting in a park, and, and I never told this relate to anyone really. So this is a big thing for me. We were sitting in a park and my partner was playing or playing sports. And I was told to sit on this bench and not move. Well, I did not like being told what to do. And I knew I needed to leave, and being scared. I had to come up with a plan but he couldn't see me. Or find me. And in this park that we were at. I looked at the trees that were in the park. And I kind of counted that I'm like okay there's one tree bear one tree there one tree that maybe if I tree hop and hide behind a tree and kind of take a look to make sure he doesn't see me, maybe I can tree hop my way out of here. And I did that as soon as his back was to me. I got up off the bench, and I ran to one tree kicked over. Okay. The other way so we're good ran to the next tree. Same thing, ran to the next tree, same thing. And then as soon as I kind of got out of the park from tree hop Bay. I ran so fast, like the fastest way that I could ever run. And I did not look back. But of course, as soon as I was running, lo and behold, there was a mutual friend. That was walking their dog, someone that knew him and someone that knew me that we went to school with. And I remember to this day I just looked at him, as I was running. And I said to him, you did not see. And I just kept on going. And I often think like I wonder what the heck he was thinking like, Why is she saying this why it's such a thing you did not see me what the hell does she mean by this. I'm sure I'm not totally confused. But those were my orders, you did not see me. And I remember running and running and running and I'm like, okay, where can we go that people find me. Because I have ran before. And every time, because every time it was. It was a beating. As I read. And so it was just a time where I'm like, Okay, I gotta go somewhere. Where can I go, and then we'll move on to our dollar, and it was like, I need to run to church. I'm gonna run to church. Because if there's any place that I can feel safe. I feel safe there he can't get me there. Because he cannot lay a hand on me because I think God's house, right, like this is my thinking. I mean I am, I'm baptized so technically I guess I'm a Christian, but just not a practicing one. But that was like the holy grail for me and I ran, and I just like got there and I'm like, please flip into the unlocked sleeve, and I ran and I ran and I ran and opened the doors. Thank you, God, thank you universe Thank you spirit. Thank you. Thank you for having these doors open. And I bring them to the inside the church and I sat down at the Crump view. And then I went on my knees, and I looked up to the stained glass window. And I just say, I am ready. [15:45] TR: I am ready. I am ready. I am. I can do this but I need her straight. And in exchange, I promise I promise I promise and I promise that I will always be a voice for women who are too free to speak up for themselves, or too afraid to stand in their own power. Let me be that voice for them. Let me be that voice. I am ready. I'm ready for change. And it was as if it like I came begin to describe but it was as if like the light had shined right through the stained glass windows and it was like my, my prayers were answered. And I saw that as a sign, and this was like really truly my awakening moment of like, holy shit, like I haven't been in a real real dark place for the last four years of my life. What the hell have I been doing. I know that I have purpose. I know I have meaning. And I know that I'm supposed to be doing something great with my life. And if I continue on this journey that I'm on. I'm going to be dead before I'm 20. Easy. I'm going to be dead. I know I meant more. So please God answered my prayer. And, and, yeah, I mean, it was like, literally like a light switch from one to the next, and I just literally it was like all this fear energy that I had that was care I was carrying around with me was like being drained out of me like it was just releasing itself. And that light that I saw in the stained glass when they came through the stained glass window was like that's what I was absorbing. All this negative horrible fearful energy that I carry with me. And it was filled with light and, and hope and potential to do greatness, and to be great in my life, and to live a life in love, and not fear. And that was really just the epitome of that set the course really have courage over fear for me. If I can get through that. If I can seriously, you know, step out of an a very abusive relationship at a very young age, who I didn't tell a single soul about because I was so ashamed. And so in fear. If I can do that. I can do anything, because I am alive. I am alive and I saved myself. I can do this and I can help other women do the same. So that was a very long winded answer to your question, but I think it's important that you understand, you know bits and pieces of who I am and, you know, since a little girl, it has always been those rainbows and unicorns and fairies, But it has also been very dark. And without the dark, we can't see the light, and knowing that light does exist, gives me hope knowing that whenever I am feeling scared or living my life in fear or seeing others in fear. Either I become the light for them and hold that space for them, so that they have an opportunity to see the potential, and be hopeful that whatever that they're going through whatever that they're suffering, their pain. We can change that we can. We are the light, and if we bleed through our heart. We can do anything. [20:00] VL:Wow. I mean, that the stories that you're sharing are incredibly moving and I'm really grateful that you, you are somebody who has the courage to be vulnerable who has the courage to share this really impactful part parts of your life and not a lot of people, even have the courage to talk about events like this, even though they overcame them or they escaped them, or, that's not part of their lives anymore so definitely want to recognize that it was the perfect dancer because it was true and it was authentic and it was just so empowering to hear I think that it's, it's easy for us to discredit how far we've come. But what's really important is being able to recognize that and say, you know, this is where I've come from and this is where I am now, and I'd love to talk about that with you let us know what you're doing now. Where has your, your journey brought you to today? TR:Well, I've really stepped really back into my connection to myself my higher power. Recognizing that my gifts from spirit from our Creator is something that should not be taken lightly. I do have a gift to see. I feared that for many years because of my experiences. But I also know when I use my gifts. Not only do I save myself from myself. I can help save others. And so, I have made that conscious choice to fully step into my power and let my freak out. And I say freak, because, well, I want to change that word I want to redefine what freak means, or weirdo or you're crazy like these have such negative connotations that are associated with these words, low vibration words. No, I want to embrace my Frank right I want to be different. I want to be. Not like everybody else because I'm not, and knowing that is okay, but also knowing the fact that we are all connected and, but that's what makes us also unique is, we all have our own gifts and talents. And if we can embrace our own for whatever that may be for you and for me, we can come together in in the harmony and imbalance. Right. Isn't that what it's all about right it's like finding balance finding harmony. And, and within that peace. Right. There's so much suffering out there, and where I want to go and I just where I am now is keep standing in my power to keep standing in my truth to keep sharing my story, to, to encourage or inspire others to be vulnerable to accept what their life is to accept that the pain and the struggles that they're going through are legit. And that when you can accept that then you can identify that and then you can move on. And when you move on you move on with courage with confidence and say yeah that's me. But to do that, you got to recognize those things. And that's where I come in. And my gift to see to see your energy to work with your chakras, and to look within those beautiful flowing energy centers within your body and say here's where you stored shit. Here's where you've been shoving things down underneath the carpet or putting it in a drawer locking the key, and forgetting about it and then allowing that energy to build and then question yourself Why am I suffering because you don't even realize that you put in there. And if you're an empath like me, you don't even realize when you're picking up other people's junk picking up other people's energy and vibes. And so that's where I am right now I'm helping others by showing the energy back to them holding that energetic mirror to them and showing them where their energy blocks are. And I've trained myself through practices of Reiki because Reiki to me is such a beautiful calming healing modality that is not invasive, it's, it's not intrusive, it's gentle and kind. I mean, you've experienced it for yourself. So you know but for those who are listening and curious about what Reiki is making is tapping into our higher power, its creator energies, like, Universal Life Energy is really what it means. And I'm just a conduit of connecting with that energy, I allow my body to be a conduit. So when I'm sharing my own energy when I'm giving that energy I'm not sharing my own energy. I am a conduit of energy from our Creator, and then I'm helping you to give you that that boost that you're missing to like push out those blocks to shift you. Unlock the shit that you stored. I am the key, I unlock the doors. I lift the veil for you so you can see, and when you see it, that's the identifying that is the acceptance. Do you want to be the victim or don't you want to be the victim? In my story I shared with you earlier, I didn't' want to be the victim anymore, I had to come to terms with myself. The is not my life, I know I'm meant for more. As soon as you accept that, you accept what's going on energetically in your body, there is a shift that happens. There is a transformation. and it goes from the dark to the light. and when you're in that light state, you step into your higher self, you step into your power. At least right now. I know there's more for me out there, this is where I am right now. [26:36] VL: I have absolutely loved the healing sessions with you. The best reiki I've ever received! I can't even begin to describe my experiences, and I know everyone is different. Part of what I aim to offer the listeners is something tangible, something practical they can do on their own to get them started. I would love it if you could share either tips and tricks, or a guide that we. can use to start today and uncover the energy we need to let our freak out! TR: Yes of course. Thank you. The first place you want to start is with what you already have. You don't need any special tools. You don't need anything other than what you already have. The first thing I would say for anyone listening who doesn't know where to begin. You have to understand this thinking: the only way out is in. A lot of the time we live our lives in our heads. We time travel, we shift our thoughts into things that don't exist, or haven't happened yet. Or we sit and stew and think about the past. Our mind our ego plays so many tricks with us. The problem for the challenge that we have is when we're in her head, we're not in our body. And our body tells so many stories, if we're willing to listen. [29:00] TR: And the best way to do that is to find stillness and how to find stillness. You do that by taking deep breaths, breathing, and being in the present moment. So to be in the present moment, exercise your senses. What did you hear what do you see, what do you taste. What do you feel, what do you smell. Because that is of what is true in that moment of time. So if, for example, where I am right now I'm sitting in a white room, I've got white walls I see a painting behind me I'm learning the color blue. I am hearing my voice. I am looking at you, I can hear the fish tank. I can smell the essential oils, lemon grass. I can taste the coffee that I was just drinking still on the tip of my tongue. All of those things are happening right now in this moment, that is of truth, that is being in stillness. Now, once you get to that moment of stillness, connect with your breath. And within you. I want you to imagine that from your tailbone, all the way to the top of your throat. There are three compartments in those three different doorways, okay. So starting out your tailbone to your belly button is like one compartment. Then from your belly button to your diaphragm, just below your rib cage is another compartment. And then from your diaphragm to the top of your throat to where your, your neck, your chin is right here is another compartment. And if you imagine when you taking a deep breath in. You want to open the first compartment and expand your lower abdomen. So you inhale and expand your lower abdomen, continuing to inhale you expand the middle compartment. And then as you continue to inhale, you expand the upper compartment. There are three chambers that you open up and allow the breath to expand. And when you do that, you are tapping into your central nervous system. You are opening up you're giving more space to your organs, your innards, allowing more lung capacity to free. And so, not just the physiology aspect of your body, and opening it up and adding more blood flow into your body. You're resetting your body, but also when you're doing that, you're tuning into the areas within your body that might be carrying energy. And so you take inventory. And so I always say do a count to three so I'm like you're taking a deep breath in one you're unlocking one chamber. Two, you're unlocking the second chamber. Three, you're unlocking that third chamber. You want to do it with me? [32:00] VL: Totally I've been doing it this whole time but God intuitively found a block, I'm like, Whoa, right away instantly. TR: Okay, let's see if somebody's ready. Okay, so first exercise your senses. Tell me, what do you see. VL: Okay, so I'm also in a room with white walls, and I have a, like a walnut dresser behind me, and I am smelling essential oils also I have some blends on my body right now. And I can feel, be a little bit clammy in my hands. So I can feel a little bit of sweat in my hands. I'm also tasting. The, I had like a lemon water before, such when we first got on. So I'm tasting kind of the end of that. And I'm hearing my voice I'm hearing a little bit of static noise as well. And I just heard a car, drive by outside. And this is what's true and this is what's happening right now. [33:21] TR: Now, when you described all of that to me. Would you say that you weren't thinking about anything else other than what you were saying. VL: Yeah, it was very present. TR: Exactly, exactly what was happening. So I'm glad to hear that because that is exactly the challenge that we all face. We're so in our heads. Right, for time traveling or going back and forth between right things that don't exist things that have existed, whatever that is baggage. Those are our blocks that gets stuck in the pools of energy throughout your body, the mind really is the core center of everything that we experience right, our perceptions, is our reality. So if the world is feeling, or becoming too hard for you, overbearing and stressful. You're going to carry that with you. Right. And you're going to carry it, but it's going to channel into different parts of your body. So I'm glad that you were able to disconnect from the ego mind and connect with what is happening right here in the present moment. So that in itself is a practice. And it takes time, because our mind will want to wander and it will. and that's okay, but as long as we can start to recognize these things, these patterns that I'm thinking of. Oh, dinner tonight or I'm starving right now or whatever it might be. As long as we recognize it, and then come back to the present. Now to help relief, and move and shift that energy. That's where the breath work comes in. So, close your eyes. And I want you to take a deep breath in. And sometimes that helps to put your hands in the different areas as you're breathing on those three chambers. So you can put one hand on your lower abdomen. So you can put one hand on your lower abdomen. Okay and then you can put another one on your upper where your diaphragm is. And then as your eyes are closed, you take a deep breath and expand into that Lord hand. Inhale, and then inhale keep inhaling into the yeah it's one big long inhale a count of three, so inhale. And then, anyhow keep going second chamber and then you move your other hand and share chest as you continue to inhale three. And how again and three chambers are exhale, sorry. VL: It's a big breath. TR: So I know it's a bit of a practice but basically. Yeah, it's a big breath. Mm hmm. So inhale, 123. Exhale, 123. Inhale, 123. Exhale, 123, so it gets easier. It's a little challenging to scribe, and also feel for people because technically we take very short shallow breaths throughout our days. But when we start to intentionally agree. And if you can imagine that you're unlocking three chambers with breath as you inhale and then exhale, you're releasing, and you're allowing that flowing energy to move through your body. Right, it's all about the energy. And, yeah, as soon as like you start to know where you are getting the present moment. Take those moments of breath. You immediately feel so much better right after. And it really takes like. Geez three six cents each nine seconds. Not 12 seconds, like 12 seconds, you can't do math, don't know [37:26] VL: No judgment. it's so true because it gets you into the present moment and gets you to get into your body, and you really do feel this expansiveness and the first one's a little bit tricky but then as you get into the breath deeper and as you practice it, it becomes more expansive and more inviting and I noticed like, Oh my gosh, I'm clenching my jaw, again I'm like constantly doing this, and I noticed there's like, it feels like a gobstopper like a ball like almost like a pool ball in my throat, right now, which is very I mean I'm not that surprised because this is a major energy center that we've been working on. But it's something that I didn't really think about earlier today, and it's now becoming a little bit more present in my mind. But checking into the surroundings and your senses. That's a tool that I practice a lot more when I was struggling with anxiety because you're so trapped in your mind or you can be so trapped in your mind and it's one of the fastest ways to ground and I love what you said that you don't really need anything else you just need herself and you need to bring that awareness into where you are, where you're at. And then using that breath, as the tool that we all have organically innately like we all have the gift of breath or tool of breath, and breath is lifeforce energy so even though people might not think well I'm not clairvoyant and I don't move energy around or shift energy or I don't do Reiki, in a way, you do, because you have this breath, and when you bring that awareness to it and you use it in your own body, it can be really transformative and really powerful so thanks for sharing that. The three chambers and a free paragraph like that. Also just using the hands on those three different areas. For me, I know that I'm like a tactile kinesthetic learner so to be able to breathe like when you said breathe into your hand, I realized I wasn't really breathing into the lower chamber, as much as I was into the second chamber so getting the rough deeper, just by breathing into my hand, worked so well. Wow, that was great, I love that. I want to chat a little bit more about navigating the guests. So, I mentioned that maybe a listener is tuning in and thinking, I don't really have the same gifts, but maybe someone else is listening and thinking, Well, I do have those gifts I'm not really sure how to navigate through that. I have a kind of similar story, I guess, or experience as you did as a child, not as intense, or kind of in that darker side length, but I didn't have a sibling who had that same thing as me so I really suppressed, those thoughts and the visions and the feelings and all the different things I just kept pushing it away so I was hoping you can help us navigate a little bit more through that trouble or maybe we can talk about rephrasing of what freak means to you, or how we could we can redefine this and step into that power ourselves. [40:39] TR: We all have these gifts. How we choose to use them is very unique to each person. My gift is to see though I can have a clear voice. But I'm also a clairsentience. I can feel. And so it really comes down to, when you're letting your freak out, it's like, which Claire. Are you exercising, which Claire resonates with you most. So there are four Claire's, there's clairvoyance see which are fantastic open about the gift to see so that sits and lays within your intuition, your third eye. Right. clairsentience, which I had spoken about that fits within your Sacral Chakra, which is your emotional chakra energy. And you feel, these are people who work, and right, take on other people's energy, you feel it, you feel a plant's energy you feel a fugs energy you feel the world's energy. You feel it. Then you have Claire cognizance and Claire cognizance is this gift of knowing. I don't know if you've ever met anybody that is so sure of themselves sometimes where they're just like I don't know I just know, I just know it's true. I just know what it. I don't know how to describe it I just know right it is over sense of knowing, then so that sits right in your crown chakra. And that is that connection to source energy. Then there is the Claire audience and Claire audience is a gift here, and musicians, typically are clear audience, because they hear music before it even exists. And then they create the music. Everyone can choose to you use these gifts in different ways. And so for many years. I use my clairvoyance see as a gift to be an artist. And so I could see things that did not exist in his physical world. But then I would create it in my work, my art. And so that is for I hid for a very very long time. As an artist I became an artist, which is where in my intro, you know, as a six figure art director and award winning artist but that's, that's what I did. I hid behind my art. So for anyone who is listening. Ask yourself. Are you someone that just know things and kids can't decide like our kitten or doesn't know where how you know things you just know that it's clear competency. Ask yourself. Are you someone who feels immediately. That is Claire sentience. Ask yourself, do I hear to I hear words do I see words do I hear music like, what is it Do you like what you hear. Is that something that comes to you naturally or are you someone like me who is Claire voyance, who can see. Now, we all have the gift to see and feel and know, in the ear at all times. We can all exercise those, but we have a primary, and we have a secondary go to. And so there's a fun little like quiz that we can do and we can kind of ask those questions to kind of get clear on meaning what your clear primary and secondary are if you're up to that. [44:28] VL: Oh my gosh, yes, let's do it. Okay so much fun. TR: Okay, so I want you to think about a vacation. If you've ever had a vacation, think about a vacation or time that you've got away from your home. And what is the first thing that you go to, when you think about that occasion. VL: I am I standing on a black sand beach. TR: So you saw you literally visually saw that. Right. Yes, what came next. VL: And my toes are in the sand and I'm moving the sand around with my feet and I can feel that it's warm on the top and underneath, it's a little bit cool. TR: So then you felt right. Okay, next question. I want you to think of a time in high school. that was like the best day of your life. VL: I think I would say probably the best day was during one of our rugby games, and we won. Our rugby game and it was my first year playing rugby for our high school team and my sister was there and my friends were there, and we were just like freaking out and so excited and jumping around and laughing and it was. It was awesome. It was a good day. TR: So, what I got out of that is, you saw you felt, and then you heard. So, we can go on and ask many more questions of time traveling back to moments. But it sounds as if you are someone who sees first feels so primary, secondary, and then as a tertiary. VL: Yeah, I would agree with that because I'm someone who has the most vivid dreams I think I've ever met in any other person. My dreams are incredibly event. And sometimes when my meditation practice is quite strong I can have what some people would label a daydream like a vision in my waking life. I feel like those come in, more often, not more often than when we see things but very strongly like they're easier for me to recognize when I have them, and then the hearing the auditory is interesting because sometimes I also do hear things but it's a lot less. I recognize that a lot less than I do. The seeing and feeling. I like those little photo quizzes TR: yeah right so here's what's interesting. You need now that you're aware of that right and for your listeners, you know, I hope that you were playing along as well. Because when you start to become clear on where you get your guidance from spirit, our Creator. You can start to tap into that and be mindful of that. And when you are mindful of that you know that you're always trusting what is right and what is real and your truth. That is your true. And when you're not. When you're not for you. When you're not listening you're not sorry, trusting what you see. And when you're not trusting what you feel. Spirit will screen the heck out of you and will use your treasury of hearing. And, and get your attention, because you're not listening. And then you come back to the beginning. Okay, I need to trust what I see, I need to trust what I feel. Otherwise spirits getting down at me, and I need to know. [48:44] VL: Oh my god, like you're calling me out right now because before this. Before this, this call. I had been kind of avoiding something, and I was thinking like, I'm going crazy I'm literally going crazy because I can't get this. I can't shake this feeling. And so funny that you're saying this because, right, as I was admitting to myself that I feel crazy. My ears started ringing. TR: So take that as a sign that the Spirit is saying you need to check yourself girl. Come back home to self, and to come back home to self is to trust what you see and what you feel, because those are your ways in of letting your freak out right you got to get in to let yourself out. And that is really to me. What's, you know like your freakout means it's like trusting your innate gifts. But the only way to do that is to go in and to pay attention. Be mindful, so that when life happens as it does, and situations come up for you. You have to check with what you're seeing. First, checking how you're feeling. And then just even listen, what am I hearing, go through the list, and let that be your guide to navigating yourself through life. VL: You are like you're just hitting the nail on the head. Everything. And like I said, I think we have a lot of similarities or no we have a lot of similarities throughout our life and being able to step into this courage and and speak our truths and be in the air for other women and other people as well. However, I know that I get these questions a lot and so I wanted to bring it up with you, was that. What if, so the what is like, well, what if I lose relationships. What if people don't like my freak, what if, what, what if other people say bad things about me and just all these different kind of fears or thoughts come up while we're going through this journey because this inward journey, really, is a can be very big and transformative in people's lives and not everyone's on that same journey. What do we do with all the what ifs, what do we do with, with all those extra limiting beliefs and fears. TR: Well I think you just said it right there. The keyword that we believe in that. There is a higher power, believe in that the universe has a plan for you. Believe in yourself. When you step into your power. It is amazing. It is really truly powerful and not powerful in the sense of like I'm strong like muscle power or egotistic person no it's not even not, it is when you stand in your truth. You have to believe and have faith that where you are, is exactly where you need to be, and trust that the universe will provide what is needed for you in this moment. And that's all we can ask for right we cannot predict the future, we cannot change the past. So if we learn to be in the moment. If we learn to accept Okay. Yes, I've lost some friends along the way and it hurts, it comes back to acceptance. When we can accept when we're willing to hold the mirror up to our face, take accountability for anything that we may or may not have done, but also learn to look within self forgiveness, be vulnerable to accept that the term humility. And then just have the courage to keep going. We are all frequency we are a vibration of energy. And depending on where you are on your journey in life. We will project. Certain vibrations out there. Perhaps you've heard of the term on the same wavelength, or we're not on the same wavelength, think about it as that. So, your energy is vibrating on a certain wavelength. My energy is vibrating on a certain wavelength, and that changes day to day right It all depends on what we're doing what we're picking up and whatever. And when you're vibrating at a higher frequency, which is why I like to call my session like high vibration healing session. Because when you are in that higher frequency. You are literally letting go of a lot of shit. And that shit can come in terms of people, physical material things, but mostly energetic things. And that's what puts you at a different wavelength. And when you're at that wavelength, people who are at a lower wavelength cannot connect with you, they cannot resonate with you, they cannot relate with you, and vice versa. And what ends up happening is you attract people who are at that same wavelength that you are at, which is why our connection is divine timing because our energy was at the same or is at the same wavelength, give or take. Therefore our light matches the same. And we speak the same vibrational language. And we connect and relate. So in relationships with people. When people drop off, and you're live trust and believe and know that, where you are is exactly where you need to be to come back to it full circle. Because our vibration is at a higher level, and trust and know that greater things are coming your way. Because when you're at that higher frequency possibilities are endless. And you attract the bright people that you need in that moment in your life. But you have to believe in order to receive [55:25] VL: Very eloquently put, and so true. And I know from my own experience, believing and trusting in, courage, it's there all muscles, the way that I look at it and we have to keep training those muscles, we have to keep believing we have to keep trusting, we have to keep finding the courage. Because the more we do, the easier it becomes in the future, the easier saying yes to those big hairy scary goals and trusting the universe, and knowing that you are supported. You are supported and the more you believe that the easier the energy flows and I find to when I'm in those stuck spots when I'm when I feel like I'm hitting my rock bottom. I remind myself. Okay, like exactly what we did today, what's in front of me, what am I seeing, hearing feeling, what can I taste what can I touch. Can I take those deep breaths, can I recenter and ground myself, and remember that at the foundation. I am supported. Remember that I have the courage and the strength that I need to be here right now because everything that has happened, often to this point in time, has led me here to this problem to this opportunity to this to this moment in time to this conversation. Everything has led us here together. And I don't believe in coincidence. I really don't. I believe in divine timing. And the more I let go of the fear or the need to change your control or predict the more clear. The journey becomes. Which is funny because it's almost like I'm trying so hard to see what's gonna happen next. And the more you let go of that, the more clear and more focus I have the cloud is gone, and the clarity is there. And it reminds me actually of this really incredible quote, Steve Jobs, so he says you can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect the dots looking backward. And it was something that really hit me when I was on that trip I was describing when you asked me a vacation that I had. And that was one of the first two weeks of my trip I remember being on that beach and seeing and feeling and hearing all of those things. And at the beginning of my journey. I thought, what the heck am I doing, I bought a one way ticket to Guatemala, I am insane. But I heard a voice that said, buy the ticket. Go to Guatemala, like I literally in meditation heard this voice and now that you're saying, you know, you saw it you felt that you're hearing yet the universe is frickin pushing me. So anyway I did it. And I kept, I remember standing on the beach and it was a beautiful like a beautiful moment but I remember thinking, I don't know why the hell I'm here. But I don't need to know. I'm just going to be, I'm just going to be here seven months later, I look back, I looked at my trip on a map, I read through my journals I looked at my photos, and I thought, holy crap, I couldn't have planned a better seven months vacation or travel or whatever you want to call it, adventure. I couldn't have ever predicted the people I was going to meet the experiences I was going to have the things I was going to learn along the way. And I'm so glad that I let go. In the beginning, even though I was a little bit tough there were some times where I was like, okay, food poisoning was not part of part of what I wanted. But, again, it led me to meet certain people and to visit certain places and to know things about myself, for my own strength and that was a journey that I learned so much about my own strength and my own courage and my, my own belief in myself and trust that you just have to believe, like you said, you have to believe and keep believing. Absolutely love it. All right, ladies, tell us about how we can work with you because you're amazing and I know that you have virtual offerings as well so share some more about the raise your vibes with Tasha and how we can, how we can connect [59:42] TR: I have several different services that I'm offering for people right now. We are in a time with COVID in I am aware that I'm still offering one to one Reiki sessions. And so this is an in person. If you are not comfortable with one to one in person sessions, I am offering distant Reiki healing Healing Sessions. So I have a beautiful, beautiful space that I'm using right now and I'm following all of the protocols to ensure of your health and safety first and foremost, and what a Reiki session is is literally a top to bottom. Energy clearing really helping you to understand your energy so that you can step into your higher self. It is an inward journey and experience. And I guide you along the way because I'm someone who believes that what I'm feeling what I'm seeing you need to resonate and connect with so that you can embody it. And when you embody it that's when you can really make those changes for yourself. But ultimately, it is a self discovery for you. And you can still do that with me during distance Reiki Healing Sessions so it would be a virtual call. And the only thing that I ask is that I get to see you lie down so that I can look at your body and see how you're breathing and so I can check in with your energy that way, and still very similar experience as a hands on, but without the hands on, and I will walk you through every step of the way. What you get out of that is really a life changing experience. It feels like a flood of energy that's just being pushed out of your body and it is ultimate peace ultimate rest and relaxation at the end of the day, I always ask any of my clients, never come with any expectations and come with an open mind. That is all I can ask. From there, I'm also offering energy readings. So for those that are just kind of getting into all of this really cool fascinating world of energy work, and are curious to know where their energy blocks are in their body. An energy reading session with me is a great way to do that. I, as I've mentioned I'm the one holding up the mirror for you. I am not here to project what my own personal thoughts are. I channel the energy and the connection with source energy. I call in your guides I call in my guides and I work through them to help you raise your vibration to the highest self. And, you know, within an energy reading, I do provide exercises along the way. And again, I never asked that you bring any tools with you other than yourself. I want you to show up fully as who you are. And we'll use breathwork we'll use body movements, we'll make funny sounds whatever needs to happen to get out whatever it is that is happening in your body, that we need to release, mind body and soul. So you can do an unbroken energy reading with me. And then also I do offer one to one, or group meditation sessions as well. For those that are just looking to understand, meditation, how to get into it, teaching the principles of meditation, and how to allow meditation to benefit you and, again, to step into your higher self, those are really the three ways right now I also have a beautiful website for you that has so many freebies for you to tap into some free meditations. And if you are curious about what your energy is saying and if you had an opportunity to check in what your energy is telling you, I have a free online quiz that you can, that you can access, and it will give you a really fun response as to what your energy is saying to you, and provide you with some great tips there as well. [1:04:00] VL: And we have one more final round of the segment which is our rapid fire, around, are you ready? WEBSITE | everythingisenergy.ca INSTAGRAM | @iam_tasharomanelli CHAKRA QUIZ RAPID FIRE ROUND: Question number one: What are you currently reading or what's your favourite book? TR: Spiritually Sassy. It's actually a really good book. Oh my goodness, the author is a new author, so it's spiritually sassy Yes, eight radical steps to activate your innate superpowers and it's by son de Simone, I'm probably not saying that properly. But he is his beautiful flamboyant man who uses his body through dance, and expresses his spirituality. He's very got a very similar story of not feeling like he belongs, or when he was in doing his spiritual journey to didn't feel like he belonged. It didn't feel like he fit in fear he wasn't the type to wear all the white sit there and like, you know, be still for so long and what he realized is that his superpowers his spirituality doesn't have to come in the form of what his predecessors, you know, are or do. So it's a really interesting book. Love it. Question number two: What do you love most about being a woman? TR: Well, I gave birth to two beautiful boys. But I just love that. I came out in this world as the stronger one out of the two sexes. Question number three, What does empowerment mean to you? TR: empowerment means to me, oneness connectedness. When we all work together as one. We empower one another to be better to do better to act better and to make real positive change in the world. Question number four: What are you currently working toward? TR: I am working toward building a community. I am looking for ways to create soulful Sundays, where I can connect with other soulful like minded individuals who all Express very similar ways of living that I do, and sit in circle. VL: Okay love that. I can't wait to hear about this. Thank you so much for being a part of the show, it is an absolute pleasure and honor to sit with you and to hear your story, and to learn all about kind of letting our freakout and choosing courage over fear I think it's the most perfect reminder for everyone who does listen to the show the women's empowerment show on how we can step into that power and empower ourselves to be more authentic and to be more freak, and weird and incredible and perfectly imperfect and all the things so i i appreciate what you do I, I know the world also appreciates, everything you do and how you serve. So, thank you so much.
www.valerielavignelife.com.101 for full show notes and links. [00:58] You see, whether we realize it or not, we are all under different spells. Yes, we are! Did you know that? The spells I might be under will be different from yours, because you and I give different meanings to words. For example I might say “snake” and you might shutter, or wince, or perhaps squirm a little. Whereas I become more curious, more alert, and a bit excited by the word snake. This is because we live in our own realities. We have different experiences, stories, perceptions, and legends. And now, more than ever, we live in a world where we are all under the spell that we, as individuals, are the most important beings on the planet. We believe that we are what matters. We are redefining POWER in this new world we live in and saying things like, “I am taking back my power.” Or “their words were powerful.” It is in today’s day and age where our words have more “power” than ever before. SO MUCH so that we are “cancelling” people whenever they say something we disagree with. Not allowing them the chance to share their side, to explain their reasoning, or even giving them the opportunity to learn our perspective, our meanings, our perception. We hear their words, they’ve casted their spell, and if we don’t like it we block them completely. That’s pretty powerful, wouldn’t you say? Knowing that someone’s words, including our own words, have the power to send someone into shock or bring up a trauma is a very heavy knowing and responsibility. But that doesn’t mean we should be tip-toeing around with our words; mindful of them for sure, however not silenced. [3:00] Instead of silencing ourselves, or cancelling another, we can take our journey inwards to our own personal power and deepen our emotional intelligence. Recognizing how words, languaging and spells - as I am calling them - affect us. For example, I may not be negatively triggered by the word “snake” but believe you me, if we’re talking about any rodent on the planet I am not interested. Instead of reacting emotionally to this languaging, I can choose to respond instead. A reaction might look like me quickly getting upset, projecting my fears and insecurities and shock onto the other person. Where as a response could be a calm comment to say something along the lines of: I appreciate your enthusiasm in this conversation, however I really do not enjoy rodents and would very much prefer to change the conversation topic. Now you might be laughing or rolling your eyes right now and that’s okay. This is information about how my words are affecting you right now. Maybe you’re nodding along - remember we have different realities, and not everyone will agree with us. [4:25] Not everyone will share the same level of emotional intelligence, which means we have to be willing to be disliked. It’s true! Did that trigger you? Are you under the spell that you have to be liked by everyone? Something to think about… the different kinds of spells we are under. The “not enough spell,” the blaming others spell, there are many spells out there! When we are emotionally intelligent, we are able to manage our energy. We’re able to catch our reaction and transform it into a response. And as a side note, if I’m talking about Emotional Intelligence and you’ve never heard this term before, read this BOOK: Emotional Intelligence. It is a MUST-READ for every human being on the planet. I highly recommend this book, I have read it and listened to it, and I’m sure I will re-read it again. [5:30] Okay, coming back to managing energy. Every single thing we do is a negotiation of our power. Every thought, word spoken, every action taken. We give and take power each and every day. We give our power away when we yell at the person who cut us off in traffic. We take our power back when we honour our boundaries and stick to our core values. Do you want to know the secret to being okay with being disliked? It’s having a set of values that we DO NOT COMPROMISE. Core values. Our core values are our fundamental beliefs. When we are clear of these values, when we think, speak and act from these values we are honouring them. We are honouring ourselves. Be so clear on what those values are, so unshakable in them that no matter who or what comes at you, you have this strong foundation. There is a great bonus episode with Sonia Grossi about core values and leadership. [7:04] So far we have learned about spells, we have learned that we are Spell-Casters, and we are ALSO Shapeshifters. We control our realities, we shape our own realities. And when we learn to manage our energies, we are also shape shifting. Pretty cool right! This information is all very cool, and all very important, and here’s what else we need to know: How to break spells. You might think that the way to break a spell is to change your mindset, but this will only help you visualize it. The mindset is important, but it’s not as powerful as CHOOSING a different behaviour. You have to DO. We have to TAKE ACTION to break the spell. [8:11] It’s so similar to The Law of Attraction and the Manifestation Formula. We talk a lot about manifesting on this podcast, so I will link to a few Manifestation episodes: Bonus Episode: Tapping into the Unconscious Mind to Manifest Dreams and Avoid Burnout Episode #83: 3 Magical Manifestation Magnifiers Episode #56: The Beginner’s Guide to Manifesting The Law of Attraction tells us that what we think in our minds, we can manifest into our realities. This is why our mindset is so important, are thoughts are indeed very powerful, however they alone cannot break spells The Manifestation Formula is: Thoughts = Feelings = Actions = Results Many of us get stuck in the cycle of: thoughts feelings, thoughts feelings, thoughts feelings. Because we are so caught in our spell that our thoughts and feelings cannot beak us out of the spells we are under. Taking action however, choosing a different behaviour CAN. It sounds quite simple, but the work itself is often more difficult. How do we change our behaviour? [9: is 32] Here are three key tips: 1. 1. Start small. I used to drive to work the same way every single day. There are many ways that I can drive to work, but for some reason I always went the same way. I did this so frequently that I actually would catch myself at work and not even remembering how I got here. Talk about not being present. It was one day where I found myself on autopilot that I decided I needed to change something very small in my routine. I decided to turn left at the stop sign instead of going straight. Crazily enough this was a lot more difficult than I imagined! I would catch myself driving through the stop sign and slapping my steering wheel with how annoyed I was that I couldn’t easily make this ONE simple behaviour change. Eventually I was able to make the change even to the point where now I sometimes go straight, and other times I DECIDE to turn left. It’s the power of my choosing my behaviour instead of being held under a spell. Simple example I know, but it’s important to start small. 2. Write down your plan. Put a physical pen to a physical piece of paper. There is power in writing things down, especially goals and dreams. Thinking of your goal is great, but when we write it down we are taking action in a physical way. Even if it has nothing to do with your goal. For example: I was under the spell that I couldn’t workout at home. Home workouts sucked and I really didn’t want to lift weights in the garage. FOR MONTHS this spell was casted on me. Over time my body and mind suffered from the lack of physical exercise. I was tired, slow, unmotivated, and I knew I need to change my behaviour and really break the spell. So I started by writing down my to-do list for the day and I added “home workout” onto the list. I wrote it down, I saw it there and then I started taking action on my to-do list. I even tried to trick myself to skip the workout but I didn’t. I made the choice to DO the workout and I did! Since then I’ve scheduled the workouts into my calendar twice a week. This week I couldn’t workout on Monday because of a sudden schedule change, so I moved it to Friday! 3. This is a big one: Identify triggers + replacement habits. Sometimes the spell we’re under is something we are doing but we want to stop doing. For example, I want to stop scrolling or checking my phone in bed. A trigger is when I forget to do my French lesson on my app and I bring my phone into the bedroom so I can do it there. A replacement is charging my phone in the bathroom, doing my French lesson before going to bed when I’m brushing my teeth instead. Another replacement could be putting a book beside my bed instead of my phone so that I read instead of scroll.
[14:17] The change of behaviour itself is very fast. The decision to change the behaviour takes a little longer. Why is this? Well it’s because we believe this in our reality. We believe the spell is true, we let the spell trick us into believing the limiting beliefs, the obstacles that keep us stuck under the spells. It’s up to us to channel our powers into breaking the spell by using the power to take-action. It’s about using our power to make changes and using it to manage our energy so that we can develop our emotional intelligence, break out spells, and be mindful how we are also spell-casters. Not all spells are bad though. Sometimes we can trick ourselves out of one belief so that we can bring ourselves to belief something else. Something more empowering. As your take-away for this week’s episode I want to encourage you to bring more awareness into your thoughts, words, actions. And also pay attention to the words and actions of others. Save the judgement and rather use this all as information about how we are going around casting or breaking spells. Question the spells you are under. Question the spells other’s cast. Happy spell casting and breaking! If you’re interested in learning more about today’s topic, check out Caroline Myss Power of Modern Day Spell Casters VIDEO BOOK: Anatomy of the Spirit
full show notes, links and more at www.valerielavignelife.com/100
[00:41] I listened and my heart felt so full. I was remembering the version of me who was so terrified and excited to start the podcast. My goal was to bring inspiration and excitement to women everywhere and I had no clue what I was doing - but I did it anyway! In this trailer episode I tell a story about a young woman who was seeking a change. A woman who broke free from the expectations of others and went to live her dream! That woman was me. During this time in my life I was discovering myself, and along the journey I met many mirrors. Some very strong, wise, beautiful, and empowering humans who completely lit up my life and inspired me to keep stepping into my true self. It also inspired me to create what is now the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. And today the 100th episode of the show! I can’t even believe it!! It’s so incredible and I am so proud and so full of love for what this has become! Typically, every 10 episodes I do a Q&A show where I answer questions around specific topics, but today is a little different. Today I’m going to share some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in the last 100 shows I’ve produced. Plus I'll be sharing more about how the show will evolve moving forward. [2:15] LESSON ONE: JUST START! I listened to podcasts for a few years before starting this one. I dreamed about how cool it would be to have my own podcast and it stayed a dream for a really long time. When I first decided that I wanted to have a show of my own, my mind immediately went to all of the reasons why I shouldn’t or couldn’t have my own show, and then I sat down and mapped out a plan. I thought, “if they could do it, so could I!” [they being everyone else I was listening to and following at the time.] As a coach, I understand the importance of taking action, and there really is no time like the present… so my plan was to start with a live show on instagram and facebook that I would host each week and I would save the video/recording and use it for the podcast. I had NO CLUE what I was doing. I had only tired IG Live maybe once before? It was pretty intimidating at the time because most people weren’t really using it then. So anyway I gave myself five episodes, which was over five weeks to figure out how to turn those recordings into podcast content, and somehow it all worked out and I did it! I launched the podcast version of the show within five weeks. It was WAY more time than anyone needs to start a podcast, you could do it today! However, because I was also overcoming these limiting beliefs and fears, I was taking that little bit of time. Over that time I was also growing my confidence and developing my skills. As I think back to that time I am very proud of myself for actually doing the work. It’s not easy to grow and leap out of the comfort zone and to do something you’ve never done, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. My only regret with the show is that I didn’t start sooner. Just start!! [5:10] LESSON TWO: UPGRADE YOU HABITS If you’ve been listening to the show for a while now, you may have already figured out that healthy habits are kind of my thing. Habits have changed my life, and whether you’ve noticed it or not, they’ve changed yours too. I first understood the power of habits after reading Darren Hardy’s book: The Compound Effect. I highly recommend reading this no fluff, amazing book to everyone I meet! It clearly explains how habits truly impact our lives: the good habits AND the bad habits!! To know what kind of habits you have, start by tracking your days and weeks. Write out a list of everything you do each day, from when you wake up, to when you go to bed. If it applies, also record the quantity with the habit. For example: time on social media scrolling 30 minutes. Or drinking water, 2 litres. It might change each day, that’s okay, keep recording. After about a week or so, notice where you’re spending your time. What are some of the things you are doing each day? If you kept doing these things every day, where do you think you’d be in three years? As another example, let’s say you grab an afternoon latte every weekday. The medium size is $3.65, plus tax. That’s 18.25 a week, plus tax. Now fast forward to three years and countless coffees later… That’s $1,847 … plus tax. Maybe your afternoon latte is a very important ritual for you and you want to keep that going, but what about your other rituals, habits, and routines? Where can you “upgrade” your habits? Here are some examples: Start your morning with meditation or a brain game instead of checking emails and scrolling on social media. Incorporate a daily movement practice into your routine and get some fresh air, or stretch your legs at lunch instead of staying in and working through your break. Swap the daily news for an empowering podcast while you commute to work. There are a million and one ways to upgrade your habits. Start with one of them and stack your habits from there. When I started my podcast I had a really strong morning routine. And before lockdown it stayed very strong and consistent. Now, my day-to-day has changed yet again and I’m working out how I can upgrade my morning in a new way as my life and habits are evolving. [10:06] LESSON THREE: The Deep Work Can Be Scary On the show we talk a lot about mindset and positivity. This is a huge part of our mental, emotional, as well as spiritual health. This type of health and wellness is slowly starting to become more mainstream, and even though it is more talked about, it doesn’t really make the work that much easier. Facing fears, removing mindset blocks, and meeting the shadow parts of ourselves can be really scary. We’ve been suppressing all of this for so long and it keeps building up, so the longer we wait to confront it and heal it, the tougher it gets. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried, or I’ve thought about giving up, or how many times I’ve asked myself, “what is the point!?” This shit is tough. Like REALLY tough. And if you’re going through this deep, dark inner work, I FEEL YOU! I want to tell you it gets easier, but it doesn’t. It’s probably going to get harder. But you are also going to be stronger, and braver, and more empowered than ever before. And when we start to slip into bad habits or old ways of thinking again, we can catch ourselves quicker and undo or reset a lot faster. Lately I’ve been noticing imposter syndrome creeping up on me and I, quicker than ever, shut that ish down! I recognize that this is not serving me, and what I see in this other human being who is making big waves, is what I also see in myself. A thought-leader, a change-maker, a human of light who is raising people up by stepping into my own truth and light. Your light can never be too bright, and don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise. And we have to use our light to work through the dark parts of ourselves because at the end of the day we’re all human, and we’re all going through a lot of stuff. We’re in this together. [12:19] LESSON FOUR: QUALITY OVER QUANTITY A few months before… hmm maybe it was a year before starting the podcast I partnered with dōTERRA and started using essential oils in my home and my life. I actually started using the oils because I wanted some holistic support for my anxiety. Within weeks I started feeling so much better and soon after I decided to sell dōTERRA’s essential oils and wellness products. I’ve never looked back. I honestly can’t even remember my life before dōTERRA. These products support every area of my health from physical, to social, to mental, emotional, spiritual, occupational and every other aspect of my life. One of the top reasons why I chose dōTERRA over any other oil company was because of their QUALITY. The quality of their oils exceeds any other essential oil company on the market. This includes their sourcing from all over the world while supporting families and communities, as well as their methods for distilling and third party testing to ensure quality with every single bottle of oil that arrives at our doorsteps. They are exceptional leaders in this industry and I am so proud to be a partner with them. The quality in these products also means the oils actually work. They have supported my own mental health journey, and they are supporting millions of households globally as well. I cannot speak enough about the importance of knowing more about what we are consuming, such as where it is coming from, and what impact it is making on the world. Not just with oils, but with all things. Episode 61: I Didn’t Buy Clothes for an Entire Year The changes we make in our lives don’t have to be so extreme, however the simple act of bringing awareness to our actions is incredibly important and can help us in doing better for a better world. This year I invested in reusable produce bags and snack/sandwich bags, as well as beeswax wraps and more so that we could reduce the amount of single use plastic we consume. Reusable Produce Bags Reusable Snack/Sandwich Bags Beeswax Wrap Using quality products, having quality thoughts, creating quality content. Whether you are focusing on your health, your wealth, or your happiness… always choose quality over quantity. [15:25] LESSON FIVE: LEAD FROM THE FRONT In today’s world we are constantly being watched. That came out a little creepy, but you know what I mean. People are watching, listening, learning, and absorbing everything we post, say, and do. We are impacting lives, and as leaders, it’s important to lead by example. There is no room for inauthenticity, for talking the talk without walking the walk. To build trust with yourself and with your audience you have to do what you say you’re going to do. Or do the things you are teaching others to do. In the last 100 episodes my life has changed. I’m taking every area of my life has been overhauled or impacted in the last two years. There has been growth, loss, and pain, and laughter. All of it. Yes, some parts of my life are more private than others and I have decided to post and share a more positive outlook and perspective AND I also talk about the tough work. I don’t show up crying every episode or every day on stories telling you the long list of negative thoughts that went through my mind when something out of my control happens. Instead, I take the time to connect to my inner self. I reach for my tools like my oils, and my healthy habits, and I come back to a place where I am able to respond rather than react. And I show up as the leader I want to be, and the leader I want my team members to be and I say, listen. Today was a tough day, and here is how I supported myself in this time. Perhaps there is some new information, or some helpful reminders that you might be able to incorporate into your life or healing also. Take it or leave it, this is me. Those that choose to join and follow and subscribe, amazing! Those that don’t, that’s okay too. Leaders. Your people will find you. Keep showing up. Keep leading by example. Your actions will speak volumes compared to your words. [17:55] LESSON SIX: CONFIDENCE COMES FROM WITHIN There have been a lot of episodes on confidence in the show and they have become quite popular too. Episode 68: Taking the Big Leap Out of Your Comfort Zone Episode 53: How to Build Your Confidence Tool Kit Episode 28: Know Your Worth Episode 79: Confidence and the Core Chakra Lately I’ve been recognizing languaging and actions that stem from insecurities. I’m mostly noticing it in other people, and remember that the other people in our lives are our mirrors… so this is very valuable information about ourselves as well. I did mention that my life has been overhauled in many ways. As I’m sure a lot of people's lives have been this year. One of the areas of my life that has been greatly impacted is my career and business. I recently became a co-owner of a pilates studio. HELL-O! WOW this is honestly a dream come true, but also it’s so huge and new that there is fear and limiting beliefs, and the negative mindset comes up from time to time. And when I feel my insecurities or negativity creeping in, I have to really remind myself of my own capabilities. Yes there are things that can help impact us positively and negatively, but our confidence, our power comes from within. We have to continue to connect to this core confidence so that it is so strong and unshakable. So that we can take leaps and make our dreams a reality without getting in our own way. The biggest, most debilitating mistake is searching for your self confidence in others. Waiting for accolades, and for others to tell us that we are great. Of course I love positive feedback and reinforcement. This is a way to remind me of my own power. I didn’t create a podcast with over 100 episodes because other people believed in me. It was finally created because I believed in myself. I want to shake my friends sometimes because I see their light and their greatness and their potential but they do not see themselves this way and they don’t go after their dreams. I recognize this SO WELL because I have been in their position before too. Where people want to shake the sense into you. [21:02] LESSON SEVEN: YOU GET WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE This lesson grows off of the previous lesson. Our self worth directly corresponds to our net worth. You get whatever YOU BELIEVE you deserve. Not think or say or feel, what you BELIEVE. You have to believe in yourself, you have to believe that you DESERVE your dreams because YOU DO! YOU DESERVE THE ABSOLUTE BEST! You deserve success and happiness, and anything else you desire that is serving the greater good. If you’re hitting a wall or a block or something of the sort, check in with yourself. What do you believe you are worth? Care for yourself, show up, be brave, be bold, learn to love yourself more and more and you will build your self worth. While this is happening watch how your success and happiness builds too! Start believing in yourself and in your greatness. [22:22] LESSON EIGHT: CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS I honestly feel like this lesson doesn’t really need to go into depth because it’s pretty straight forward. Especially if you think of it from a health and wellness perspective. You can’t workout one time and expect to see results. Do you want to get stronger? Do you want to feel better in your body? Do you want to move every day? Do you want better posture, flexibility, mobility, etc? Then keep working out. Not just one time, but consistently over a long time, and then keep doing it. Last year I hit a really hard wall in my business. I can remember sitting on the couch with tears welling in my eyes. I started by business years ago and had felt like I had only grown an inch. That was the day I questioned my purpose. I SERIOUSLY questioned if I should quit going after my dreams and get a J-O-B. I genuinely thought about the idea but it felt like a death of my soul. You must understand: giving up on dreams for me is soul-crushing! But my heart was heavy and hurting because I had been working so-forking-hard and it only felt like it was getting harder! In my overwhelming despair I decided to draw a bath. I sat with my heavy emotions, and my negative self talk. And after a while I started to let go of all the pain, and come back into alignment with my purpose instead. My purpose is to help busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. So that’s what I did. I helped myself create healthy habits so that I could show up as the best version of myself and transform my own life. And I’m so forking glad I didn’t give up on myself because now I;m even stronger at serving and supporting others. Plus nearly a year later, I leveled up with a new and daring adventure as a new business owner of a brick and mortar pilates studio and this has been a dream of mine since… I was 16 I think? A long time! [25:13] LESSON NINE: THE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR YOUR VOICE!* In a previous episode about the throat chakra I shared the journey of my childhood struggles with my throat, tonsils and my ability or I guess lack thereof, to be seen and heard. Episode 58: Speak Your Truth with the Fifth Chakra I cannot specifically remember if this was part of my hesitation with starting my own podcast. To be honest this is such a common mindset block for a lot of entrepreneurs, and it felt very prominent in my journey as well. It’s the limiting belief of not feeling like our voice or our message is worthy. Why would anyone want to listen to me? Who cares about what I have to say? Well actually… the show has received over 17,000 unique downloads completely organically over the last 100 episodes, and I get messages all the time from people telling me how much they enjoy the show. This morning I received a voice note about episode 99 and how much they liked it! WHO ARE YOU NOT TO SPEAK YOUR TRUTH? WHO ARE YOU NOT TO SHARE YOUR VOICE? WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BECOME THE POWERHOUSE HUMAN THAT YOU WERE MEANT TO BE? There is someone out there who is listening to you. Who needs YOU, your message, your voice, your perspective, your support. I say this in the intro episode of the show: “I believe that the Universe has guided you here for a reason. You can call it luck, chance, guidance, or synchronicity, but for whatever reason, your path has aligned with mine. And as of this moment. We are connected.” Your people will find you. And they want to hear from you. *[27:26] LESSON TEN: LISTEN TO THE NUDGES, LET IT BE EASY “Let it be easy” has been my mantra over the years. Wherever I feel frustrated or blocked or challenged I stop, take a breath, and say my mantra out loud: LET IT BE EASY. When I am ready, I will go back to whatever I was working on and more often than not the work flows. We are always receiving messages. Often from our bodies about our health, and sometimes from the Universe. Most of the time I am being reminded to take breaks and breathe. Other times I am being pointed in a new direction. Whenever I am feeling confused about my next move, I stop, breathe, and say “let it be easy” and I trust that I will be guided to a path that is free flowing and smooth. The nudges are the clues, the hints, the signals, the messages that the Universe sends us. It’s always working in our favour, we’re just not always listening… I received nudges to move my podcast from weekly live shows and videos to pre-recorded episodes and videos. Then, that transitioned into audio podcast episodes and no more videos. Soon I also felt called to host guests on the show, and now as we grow more, I have new nudges to follow. But before I get to the new evolution of the show, let’s take a peak at the top three episodes so far! [29:18] THREE MOST POPULAR EPISODES SO FAR! #3: Episode 01: New Moon, New Beginnings This is the very first episode and live recording of the show. It was a new moon on this day and that is pretty auspicious and special - if you like to follow the moon phases, which obviously if this is the third most popular episode, you must follow it! Haha This episode talks about the moon phases, the new adventure in podcasting, as well as manifesting with the moon. Here's the best part. There is a video and I am nervous, and excited, and adorable. These videos and looking back is so cool in recognizing growth in yourself. It’s pretty amazing evidence of where we’ve come from; and how far we’ve come. #2: Episode 92: An Action Plan for How to Be a Morning Person This is essentially a 15 minute guide to creating your morning routine. I break down the benefits of a morning routine, and the step-by-step formula to making your very own. #1: Episode 81: 5 Tips for Positive Self Talk Simple, yet powerful, in this episode I break down 5 tips for talking more positively to yourself. I also include information about the importance of this and how to navigate the negative self talk as well. [31:28] Okay now! WHAT TO EXPECT FOR FUTURE EPISODES: → More guest episodes! But not as bonuses, as part of the weekly content that I am sharing! We have some amazing guests coming up and I am really pumped about it! You can expect to hear from them soon! → I am monetizing the podcast! WOO WHOO! Currently I am enrolled in a new course to learn more about sponsorships and brand partnerships. I am so excited to be doing this because I know it will help myself and the show grow! I spend a lot of time producing the show and creating the content, I want to be able to offer more, and I also want to get paid to keep it growing. Super excited about this! Great things are happening! Thank you so very much for celebrating this 100th episode with me! I will be popping some champagne I think tonight, or at least I will be this weekend! I appreciate you and I can’t wait for us to grow together! Find me on instagram @vallavignelife
with Kyrsten Thronhill www.valerielavignelife.com/kyrsten for all the show notes, details + links! [1:05] VL: Hi Krysten Welcome to the women's empowerment podcast thank you so much for joining us today as our special guest. KT: Thanks for having me super happy to be here. VL:I would love it if you could start by introducing us share us your story in your own words take us through your journey and how you came to launch your productions company culture productions, where did it all start. KT: Yeah so many many years ago it's, it's funny so back in, in, in college, I was going to school for acting for film and television and a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to get into experiential marketing, so you know everyone likes the guy that's giving away free swag right so I was one of those folks, and I love the teamwork I loved the logistics of it. I loved being able to go to all these events - for free - that I would want to go to anyway. Be it a festival or a concert or something. And a lot of it was outdoors and I loved that part of it. And so I started doing that. Go forward a few years I fell in love with acting because I was going more into the I liked, like the behind the camera stuff. And even more than that I started to realize that I really liked the operations and logistics and the responsibility that came with managing a team from the experiential marketing side of things. And so I started freelancing more in that and and just fell in love with it and I felt like, people were happy when they were working with me, little things from like, you know, 15 minute breaks or not a thing like 20 minute breaks minimum, that kind of stuff because you just incorporate real life. And, and I just kept moving forward that way so I was freelancing for four years. And then, over, over 10 years. And then last February 2020. Well I've been thinking about it for a bit, but I'm working towards a launch in February 2020 for culture productions. And, which is kind of funny because an event management company launched in February, 2020 is just a big old lap right. So we plan God laughs or whomever it is the last and, and, and that's just where it came to be. I wanted to scale the company and grow. I knew that people liked working with me, and I wanted to be able to create that culture in that, in that company for people and that's just where it came from taking what I love to do and finding folks that wanted to do more of it with me. [3:58] VL: That's amazing I love how your story kind of evolves in this way where you're following a bit of a dream and that molds into this new version of your dream, and that evolution takes you to where you are today. It's really cool. And it's really empowering to start your own company, I know exactly what that is like. So I was wondering if you could share with us what were your biggest obstacles. During that time, whether it was even from the beginning that pre production period or the pre launch period, how did you overcome all of the things that were happening. KT: Yeah, good question. And often I find with with many businesses and business coaches that I talked to a lot of folks start a business. And then they work on the numbers. And I need it and that's the route I was going. And it's funny because even my dad who's a business coach is like, Why do people do that. Why do they start the business and then figure out the numbers right like you know your numbers you have a better sense of where you're going. I don't care what industry you're in right so it was for me at first it was switching that mindset of building out my numbers first getting a vision for the company. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to do outdoor events and focus on virtual events, but what did that look like from an offer perspective what value was I providing, and what I can do. But what value was I really providing what what problem was I solving for people. So the numbers the first the next biggest thing for me was that market research. Of all the things, honestly that I've had to do in my life, and I know everyone can be great at everything but holy hell that market research part, I don't know what it was for me, that was the hardest part. And, and, and how I overcame that was just just talking through it just keep talking. Until I understood or had a good sense of how gathering that information, worked best for me, and how that did work best for me was talking to people. I work through things well when I'm when I'm talking to people. And then, so that's going well. That went well. And then the next thing was the website website. And God love you Thrive Themes but, oh my, trying to do that on my own was really was really difficult. And that's okay because, although it probably took a year off my life, I'll get that back through self care i'm pretty sure. But, but all, although as hard as that was I knew that I needed to go through it, because it was going to make me learn about my business more get deeper ingrained with what we were I was doing for the people that I wanted to provide value for my clients. [7:39] VL: Very cool. I love the I love those three kind of chunk steps that you talked about. And I wanted to ask about with that second step with your market research, actually, let's go back to the first step with your first step with the the numbers. What were you looking for exactly? So if someone basically, if someone was starting their own business today, what would you tell them in terms of that first step that numbers game? KT: First thing I would say is, you're going to need to make more than you're think you need to make, you're going to need to make more than you think you need to make. It's it doesn't all balance out, you don't spend X amount of dollars and want to make 10,000 more than that. And that's the number that you need to make. The I mean, getting acquainted with terms like profit margin, gross profit margin, you know, profit and loss statements, balance sheets, you need to get acquainted with that sort of stuff. If you don't know it all off the hop, that's all good, but you just need to know the questions to ask in order to get the help that you need. And that's and that's what I leaned into with that. [9:02] VL: Yeah, I think that's true, too. Because if you're not prepared to learn those things in the beginning, you're gonna learn them really quickly. And I like how you said switching that mindset of Yeah, you always business idea, but what are the logistics with it? How are you going to? How are you going to make the business run? How are you going to put food on your table and all that? The the second step that you talked about were the the different things that you did for market research. You said you like talking to people. So what I want to know is what were you asking them? Like? How are you finding your people? Let's talk a little bit more about that piece. And also, how are you collecting all that data? And then how did you use that data? Take us through the process a little bit. KT: Sure. So right off the hop. I felt like I needed to get it right. What I was going to offer what those pain points were, what I learned is that it's okay to not get it right off the hop, have a hypothesis. You know, the challenges are I know the challenges that I went through. And that probably resonates with people. So that's where the conversation starts. These are the challenges. I have, this is the value I'm looking to provide based on that. Do you feel the same thing? Or no. And as people give you feedback, just write that stuff down. And those start to become your questions that you then want to move into a survey that you can provide people right, you could do that. by whatever means you have I mean, there's lots of free options there: Google Forms, spreadsheet, whatever it is to just get people filling out those those answers, Survey Monkey right and go through the motions and No, and be okay with the fact that those are going to evolve, they're gonna change the feedback you're gonna get is going to be different. You're going to wonder what the hell it is why you asked that question in the first place based on some of the feedback you get. And you're going to need to consistently remind yourself of what that original hypothesis was, and what if you're moving away from it or not? And if you are, that's cool. Just know that and go with the flow. And don't take too long to take action on something. It's okay to not feel like you have it right. Or you're like, yeah, this is good. If you feel like you have enough to start moving forward with something, be it an offer, or even now changing the conversation that you're having with your market research. That's cool. Because what I've learned is Everything is every single business owner has done it that way. A lot of folks look real polished 10 years in, because they're 10 years in, and there's no substitute for being 10 years in, you know, and you just got to make peace with that. And then now so that, you know, that's kind of how it's been. And now it's just continuing that continuing to evolve and ask those questions based on all the climate around you. Be it whatever those those challenges or new things are that come up with our lives or industries. Just keep asking questions. [12:33] VL: I think that's amazing advice. And I love that you have this scientific approach to, to the whole the whole process because it really is a numbers game most of the time. And it's also about building relationships, especially when you're working with people. We actually did a survey for the studio because we were having trouble Making decisions and I learned this a while ago. It was whenever you're creating a survey, make sure that every single question is very intentional so you have a reason for why you asked the question, and this was very helpful because it makes your survey shorter, it makes it more clear and then it helps you kind of wade out where what direction you're going in and really say yes we're clearly in the right direction with our hypothesis, or an overbearing away. And then that way you can rebuild into that, a new survey if you need to, or a new direction in conversation like you were saying so I find I find that really helpful and I find what you said, really helpful as well. But what's great is that we had a lot of questions about our clients before the survey should we offer this should we offer this for this and we're like, why don't we just ask them why don't we just ask them instead of trying to guess everything. That's where I think a lot of new business owners struggle is because they want to put out this really beautiful imperfect, really, like, highly produced offer, and they get it wrong because they didn't do the beta test or they didn't do the survey or they didn't have a single conversation with potential clients, customers, or whomever. So yeah, I think that's really valuable and I feel like it's, it's not really the glamorous part of business, most of the time, so I'm really glad that you said it. And then the third piece he talked about was your website, and what I'm taking away from what you said was really, you know, we all have our strengths. So, there are going to be pieces of your business that are not your strengths and maybe putting a year into a website isn't worth it for you and it's not part of the numbers, but you can definitely delegate certain things out to people. I know we've talked about this before. Same thing with like social media management, you find what's working for you, what's not working for you and what can you pass over to somebody else so that's really important. And maybe we can chat a little bit about team building because you talk about teamwork a lot, and I want to know how you how you bring your team together like how do you find who you are working with and how do you make those relationships work loaded question. [15:16] KT: Yeah. So I called my company Kulture Productions - with a "K" - I got to, you know, throw myself in there a little bit right but, you know, a bit of a differentiation but also because for me it all stems from that team in that culture that you create from working at exponential marketing companies, and just teams and family. In general, the biggest thing that I found is that managing expectations and communication are the two biggest things aren't sure what industry you're in you're managing and by managing expectations I mostly mean emotions. Right. And in that communication, I find a lot of problems can be solved. Just through clear communication. And what that that process is so, so the, the first part, I like to always talk about is, is mindset. I love how this is becoming more mainstream and it's not just from a company perspective, but also being in such a high paced and high stress industry, it's really important that people know that culture has got their back, I don't care if you're a client or or working in our team or we've contracted you out of your supplier, life happens, things happen, and mindset is just a big thing we just need to communicate that sort of stuff. So that's a big big piece. And then the second part after that is taking people through like the systems and procedures that we have. They're there for a reason, there's sometimes a big learning curve with folks as to why we work sometimes the way we do, why we use the software we do, as opposed to some other some other options, and the truth is, is there's, there's a lot of great options right but you just kind of got to pick something and go with it and if you decide to move on to something else later that's okay. But getting people into a system and into habits that actually help them be more productive, they'll eventually see it, it's okay I'm confident that they'll get on board and it'll be a benefit to them later. But being open to them, kind of, like, I don't know, like a six year old that's going through growing pains and they're like, I don't know why my joints hurt right like but all I know is a cranky, they'll be like, I know why you're cranky. I don't need to explain to you why. Okay, but let's, I'm going to deal with the symptoms versus trying to tell you what's up. Right. Unless of course they want to have that conversation let's have that conversation, but I think it's important to, to help them navigate through that. And if you if you bring those two together, helping them work through those processes, and also making sure that they understand that they're supported. Then, like the skills or the happenings just come, like the relationship is formed you guys can trust each other, you're more productive. And of course there's kind of a third part where you're looking for that skill set. But a lot of that skill set can be taught. I don't care who you are. Right. And, and so those are the two main things that I look for when I'm working with anyone. And then the skill set comes along with that so that's kind of like what I like to found everything on, and like to keep it simple to you give people too many things to think about them or just their last. So I like to give them two or three things like this is what we're about. And let's move forward and the restful will work itself out and then I feel that they feel well empowered really to to do their best and be their best because they know they're not being micromanage, and they know that I trust them to just do their stuff. And if our relationship needs to part ways, they will be surprised, nor will I be surprised and I believe that should never be a surprise if employees or contractors or whatever that relationship is decided to go different ways. And then it's, and then it's an okay conversation to have like high five, this isn't really working. Cool. Moving on. Do you want to have a tea later. [19:48] VL: So amazing! Like you said, you're outlining clear expectations and you're offering that support. So at the end of the day, like if you're not getting it done or, this isn't working out, then we've got to go. And I think that's, I think that's really great of you that's a hue I feel like you're just an incredible leader I can't wait to learn more about and share more about your, your business and your practices. Very interesting. I have a lot to learn from you! Actually something you both have in common is our love for personal development, we chat about our favorite authors all the time, and many of our favorite authors and our favorite speakers they share a lot of different tools and practices that help us elevate ourselves or help us empower ourselves. So I wanted to know what are some of your own best practices or rituals that you like to follow that help you keep you aligned with your most empowered self or your best self. KT: First and foremost, it's being open to trying new ways of managing all that, or processing information, or organizing your day. You know, being kind to yourself about it and not taking on too much. But I think about when I think about that sort of development. So as a, as a yoga instructor yourself with the analogy and like is, say you're doing yoga for three months in that first time like an inversion, or something difficult becomes easy, and you just blow your own mind. But you had to go through all the things and figure out the right positioning and like what worked for you because even though that is the right position. This is the proper positioning How does it fit in my body to work the best. And, and you don't know that until you, you go through the motions and tweak it here and there. So being able to lean into those crunchy bits, is the first thing get comfortable being uncomfortable, is when you hit it home man does it feel good and you find that like little thing for me, one of those little things was like 90 minute jam sessions, I work in 90 minute jam sessions I break my day up. And I know because I've worked really learned a lot about kind of the science behind why we work we know generally it takes us 15 minutes to get into a task. So, but only a lot myself an hour. I'm doing the task, but I know that I'm only effectively working for 45 minutes, where I could be effectively working for an hour and 15 minutes. Right. And I'm not fatigued right I can take my brain break and even though I'm in the zone I say no no no if you were getting longer than that, then you're going to get fatigued. And I've tried to even just all those timelines 45 minute sessions, an hour, an hour and 15 and for me, 90 minutes is that sweet spot. And then I get up, I will make a tea or like have a chat with a friend, or I play with my rabbit, and you know kind of get back at it. So that's one of the big things for me, and I think that process works well in all areas of of self development you just you got to lean into it, in, in whatever that area of your life is. Another example is being able to have conversations with folks, leaning into difficult conversations. From a personal development perspective. That helps me say that, look no judgment, I can we can I you know be real awkward here for a sec, and address this situation that I probably normally wouldn't that's another little tactic I've learned myself, is to like call out the awkwardness before it's actually awkward because then it's not awkward anymore. It's actually kind of funny, right, so now you've broken the ice and everyone's all relaxed, yeah you got a little bit of laughing around because I like I'm a big human person, if I get a little stressed, I like I just need to crack a job, and most the time it works to my favourite. Don't get me wrong, there's been some times there's like yeah tape learn that not the time nor the place. Okay, or like that person doesn't work like that but I have to go there. In order to know that I can't go there anymore. Right. And I mean that with all due respect for not talking any anything extreme. And being open. The biggest thing for me is just being open to learning I'm always asking why to do anything, right, whether I have I'm talking to a police officer on set that are on site that has nothing to do with the event. You know, I'm like, how did you guys handle that situation then we heard about a little while ago cuz other industries will always inform what you're doing, and you have no idea when that beauty little nugget is gonna come. So as much as that can come from ours, you know, girls self development gurus are the people that we go to for personal development. Personal Development extends way beyond those folks, so you'll grab a tool or practice that'll help you and speaks to you better than anyone you know could ever say. So, being open to that sort of stuff and that's what I've found has gotten me to my to my best self for me to be like, Okay, this is, this is finally easier. You know this difficult conversation is easier doesn't make it really any less difficult to have, but to lean into it is a lot easier. [25:41] VL: Wonderful, yeah. I agree with what you are saying. You have to try it on for yourself, and you can find a teacher that you really like and that you read all their books, and what I was noticing was, I was so obsessed with personal development for a while that I read all the books and then they all started sounding a little bit the same. And what I realized was okay well why isn't this working for me. And it's because I was busy reading the book and not taking the action of the book was telling me to do. And you will learn for yourself, like you said your 90 minutes works really well for you For me it's a two hour block, so I don't know if I have ADHD or if I'm just someone who is a little bit easily distracted. But the two hour block really, really is helpful for for myself, but it took me a little while to learn that too because I would do, I tried all these different methods to get me there into those that sweet spot so I think that's really helpful is leaning in to the awkwardness the crunchiness. The, the, always, always, always leaning into that discomfort because you're going to learn, you're going to grow, we're going to move forward but you, but it's you taking action, I feel like that discomfort is a sign that you are on the right track because you're taking action and you're moving forward. And like you said earlier in the interview that you know 10 years experience. There's nothing else that really talks that you could you could have all your numbers all laid out, but until you're actually going into that experience. It's Yeah, it's huge. Absolutely love it so many golden nuggets in this in this chat I'm really excited. My next question was, what is something we can do to help ourselves navigate current situations, and prepare us for the future I know you talked a little bit about this, about asking questions. I was wondering if we can dissect this a little bit more, asking question always getting curious, and how do we do this in a way that we can then navigate using these questions like what kind of questions are we asking, and how are those preparing us. [27:50] KT: From a business perspective, I always go back to strategy first: What are you trying to accomplish? What's, what's the why? I find a lot of struggles come from. If you don't have that that macro. That's clear the micro is going to be so damn hard to figure out. Because you can't relate it back to the why, to the strategy. So you just got to get real clear on that. And again, it's okay if it changes. But as long as you when you reevaluate it if you get real clear on it each time. So the main three questions from a business perspective that I always ask myself and we can relate this over to personal is what is that strategy? What is that why? And the second thing is, is there a budget to do it so fine and dandy and it fits in perfectly, but do we have the budget to do it. Right. And that makes it easy, it's, it's this beautiful question that makes it easy. Do we have the budget? No, gone. Yes. Okay. Next up, what are the logistics of it. Can we do we have the resources to support this beautiful idea, we have that supports our strategy that we have the budget for. And if you can't support it. No amount of money that you're going to throw at it is going to help it serve your strategy. And then if you think of that from like a personal perspective, whatever your goal is, or whatever that strategy focuses for you. Do you have the means? Maybe it is budget, maybe it is resources, you know, do you have the means to do it? And then if no then gone. Right. And If yes, then move on to okay well how am I gonna make it happen. Do I need to get someone to babysit you know your child, do I need to send the dog to my parents for a week. Do I need to go for a run, whatever that is, but it needs to relate back to that to that strategy. And if you get if you just go through that process, every time. It'll help you stay clear on that macro so when you go to make those little decisions. They can happen quick and they're not they're way less overwhelming and sit far less heavy on your shoulders, and it's okay to move through dishes decisions quickly sometimes. I think that's important to remember too. [30:28] VL: Yeah, made me think of when you said, "Okay, this is the goal". And then if we don't have the resources that goal goes out, but what it made me think of is, "Okay, well if we don't have the resources, what has to come first for that goal to then have the resources?" What do we need to do now for that to work and it could still be like that could, because it could be tied to your why and the goal is your why and that the strategy is your why and that's how are you going to get there and it's just a matter of again asking questions. The question now is, so it was Do we have the resources, the answer was no. And the question now goes to. What do we need to do first to get there or do we really need to be doing this goal, maybe we change the goal. Yeah, so I like that just keep kind of dissecting it. And the second thing it made me think of was not holding on to the outcome or the goal that you thought you wanted in allow it like being flexible for that to change because especially when you're working with people, things are changing all the time, and I think that's really important to remember. Let's go a little bit deeper into the event and productions industry. The world is changing. We all know this, and virtual events are a little bit more popular a little bit more common. So I want to talk a little towards the pivot. Let's talk about the pivot for listeners who have been, maybe hosting live events or attending live events, how do we now pivot, our event, into the virtual world? [31:58] KT: Again, what I like to come back to is that that strategy, what are you looking to do? What kind of value Are you looking to provide for your specifically for attendees, in the event industry. There's a lot of talk now what's great about the pivot is the pivot has been coming and happening for years. They didn't, all of a sudden, get thrown in our face it scaled real quick because of circumstances. And not even just circumstances also what people were looking for in this like bespoke experience right. And so, not all is lost if you haven't got there yet know that that's super important. So to go back from that strategy first perspective. The main thing between virtual events, and in person events. There's this 8020 split love that rule, it's ridiculous how much it applies to a lot of things. 20% of in person events. only 20% sort of in a game. Sensory have in the in person events is what will change on virtual events, and those two main things are your tech and your touch points with your attendees. Everything else can work itself in in a different way. Right. So if we go back to strategy, And so you have an in person event, Does a virtual event accomplish what you want it to the person event was looking to do, and vice versa, if you have a virtual event that you're looking to bring in person, because in person events, they're coming back, people want them, we can we can see even from our current climate, just people going to restaurants and that sort of stuff. But we, we know that not all is lost one way or the other, there's still people that love one or the other. So again if you're going from a virtual event to an in person event you're gonna have that 20% again that's going to be different, you're attacking your touch, right. So, it's nice to be able to what I like to do is when my clients is be able to have that conversation with them was 80%, that we know we're going to have to tweak a bit, but what's that 20% that's going to have the biggest impact. And if you just ask yourself that question what's the 80/20 for me? And how does that relate to my strategy? If you can clearly answer that question. If it serves your strategy and serves your attendees. You're good. Now there's a lot of conversations around to around hybrid, specifically in the event world, and the easy. The easy answer is, don't do it. Because the purpose of virtual events is different. Well, yeah, the purpose, and the people that it's serving is different than the purpose, and the people that in person events are serving. So there's there's that two factor in as well. Now, I put a little * beside that because I'm sure you know we'll get better at it as people get used to it a bit more. But you're serving people differently, that way so my reko is, If you're pivoting one way or the other, ask why. And if the conversation pops up around a hybrid, ask why again and see, again it just it relates back to that strategy. [35:45] VL: I'm really glad you mentioned that because I host events, and I was wondering who should, should I go forward hosting live and virtual events, and what would that look like why would I. Why would I do that. How could I, how can I make this live and virtual. And when I was just brainstorming by myself off the top of my head and thought, I think this would be more beneficial to the audience and to the, the people attending to the attendees. If it were two separate events. One was live one was virtual is kind of like you couldn't come to the live so for Corona virtual type of thing right. It can't be. I don't know it wasn't it wasn't really working on this mix I'm glad I'm glad you said that but again Asterix because we're open to new things. And what I wanted to know actually from what you said was, do you have any examples of those touch points I feel like the tech will just depend on what kind of event you're hosting but in terms of the touch points. What do some live event touch-points look like, and then what were, what would be some virtual touch points? KT: Yeah, so a fun one. That, that are finding people are really liking is. So for, but let's step away from like festivals and events and go into another bit of a live in person. type of event, like a run, or something. So you got a marathon going on. And so there's this cool camaraderie community building experience that happens when you go to pick up your badge right you get your little and choose packs right maybe a little thing all this foam three stuff right all those little goodies all the swag that we all love right you're big you know you got a yes you get all that sort of stuff. We have this interesting opportunity now what about if we're doing a virtual event. To give folks a swag bags. And swag bas right there like the renew it they've got all the things that they could have before. And maybe the run is still happening but now they've got different start times, but they still get that and maybe they couldn't go into the building to get all their stuff but they still have that pre run experience where they get to open their box as they would open their swag bag, see all the things, try them on, take a photo with their family, post it on social media so it's like it's mimicking what the experience that they would have had in person, but now they're doing it at home, and posting it more virtually that way. So that's that's a fun. That's a fun thing that we're seeing a lot happening in the in the events world. Yeah. So another example of a neat touch point would be sticking with that same example for a run right so you can't go in to to do the, the actual champion in person right. but they do still have a time. You know people are still running but you have a slotted start time versus isn't. What if we did a virtual checking. So people still have to check go to them, or whatever platform you're using and, and go in and talk to an actual human, that says hey what's up. Congratulations. Pretty uh pretty awesome that you're doing this right like Do you have any questions, did you get your swag box. Did you get all the things right so it'll be a consideration there as to when you want to do the check in time so depending on what questions, as if they didn't get their swag box, do you actually have time to solve that. Right. So those are all logistical things and then that's why you hire them people right. Don't think of that stuff where he knows we pay him for. But, but it's a fun consideration that way for the touchpoints and to keep people engaged and make them feel just as valued and support it, as they ever would if they were in person, something interesting that I'm that I'm hearing from a lot of virtual events is not only. Well firstly I'm seeing not only are they outperforming. I mean if we're talking from clearly financial thing outperforming their their their in person counterparts. But people actually feel more engaged and, and the attention is on the more supported. So it's interesting because they have a bit more of a voice that way as opposed to being lost in a sea of people. So it's kind of neat that that transition that's happening so virtual events actually bringing us closer together. [] VL: Yeah, that is really interesting to hear, because I know that I get a lot out of those in person connections and community building. I know that you mentioned that and I didn't mention this before but you and I met through a virtual community. And I feel like a lot of the people that we've connected with on this virtual community. I've known them for either a long time or because we have a similarity because we've been part of this virtual community for a little while now. I don't know I never thought that I could have a deeper connection with someone and learn so much about someone. This way, but it's working, and I feel like I've made genuine friends, and I mentioned this a little bit of the pivot back because back from virtual to live, or avoiding the hybrid right. But is there anything else that we need to to remember, we go back to two live events or in person events I should say no live. KT: Always for me from, from a management perspective it's always health and safety I don't care what's going on in the world, it's always the thing and it always needs to be. The next thing is, is analyzing your numbers and your data, what do you have to go off of that your people are telling you right because as we talked about before, like, ask them. Did you enjoy this more, did you not. So, being open to having that conversation with them and being open to seeing how your live event evolves. And if it changes that's okay, if it gets longer that's okay because shorter, maybe it was a three day thing maybe it goes down to a one day thing like that's okay. Again, what is what is your strategy What are you looking to do for yourself as a business, be it nonprofit for profit, what have you, but also what kind of value are you giving to your attendees. And can you now do that in a day. Did you. Is there anything that you learned that, that helps you evolve your in person event and asking re asking yourself that 8020 question really is, is the biggest thing so health and safety. At 20, and what did the data tell you. [42:50] VL: I'm glad you said that because if, when we were looking at our data from our own survey. It was specific to our play studio and we asked people, you know, are you going to be coming joining us in person or in the studio Are you gonna be joining us virtually or we're using. Are you thinking of something like a mix of both. And we were blown away by how many people actually wanted that makes it both virtual, and in person classes. And I know that even from a teacher and a student perspective as somebody who's taking fitness classes online, and hooking them in person. I liked the option to just turn on my computer, sitting in my living room, do the workout, and then I was done I turn my computer off and then I could go have dinner if you go have a shower right away or I was already at home and I didn't have all these, like I wasn't driving to a new space that I've never been before so I really think that there is room for both types. And that's what I want to ask you is, can we still have the best of both worlds. Can we sell a virtual can we still Why does it have to be one or the other, can be both? KT: YES. hahah! Answer Yes, they can. And like you said, I think it all comes down to what your, your people want. Right. And if that, making sure that it doesn't come at the cost of the value that you're providing people right if it's not serving them properly. Maybe that's what they want. It's kind of like when you know you're looking are talking to your clients and, and, and you're telling them what they need to hear. Right, knowing that this is what they're asking you kind of have to search for that question behind the question, to see if like do they actually want a hybrid something or is there something else going on, that they miss that I could incorporate into either of those, but I certainly think you can have the best of both worlds. And it looks so different for different industries in different demographics depending on what they want and how well versed are they in in software and just engaging that way, right from it from a simple logistics perspective. To what do they need to feel to feel fulfilled, are they like an in person. They need to like feel the energy in the room or they comfortable and can still feel connected in in a virtual way no matter what the what the event is but I love that your folks are telling you that they do want both what that says to me, is that. My question is, now I would put back to them. It's like it sounds to me like you really like consistency and you want to be. You want to be involved on a consistent basis, but you can't make it in all the time that for whatever reason, it just doesn't fit into your life, but you understand, like me, I'm an in person gal. I just love it. I love the energy, I want to feel the music waves coming out of the speaker into my body, you know, you know, as an example, and so yeah you can and that's just going to look like. different things for different people and different companies and clients. [46:14] VL: Yeah, that's a great point and it again comes back to the strategy the survey all the data so really good point. And I want you to brag a little bit right now I want you to tell us everything about what you do, what kind of clients you serve. Basically if anyone's out there listening to this interview and wants to know how they can work with you and what and what you do. Exactly. KT: Oh, we talk about obstacles when it comes to your business pat yourself on the back and doing those elevator pitches and and being comfortable talking about yourself, knowing that you're actually not bragging because he knows who you're going to talk to you to be like, should you do not. Well let's talk. Let's talk. Right. Um, so yeah. I just love what I do, so I'm not talking about it, by me right away. Um, so I love our culture productions focuses on outdoor and virtual experiences. It's funny people like what can you do your stuff. Yes, I can do indoor stuff. I don't want it though. So, I can do it, I like it. Some people, I still love it so this is what I like to focus on. And that's plenty. I think that's important for people to know there's plenty of work and what you want to do. If you love it enough and you do and you provide enough value. So, that's why I've moved forward. In this way, some of the big projects that we've done is, I worked on a traveling hockey festival called Rogers hometown hockey, for, for four years so we were. I was a senior Event Manager on that. And what that means is that, I would help set up. I would go and visit all the communities. Let me back up a bit. The festival is a hockey was a hockey based festival that went to 24 cities in 26 weeks over the hockey season. So we went across the country with that. So we did that festival in 97 cities across the country, which was on real oh man if you have not traveled this country. And you're like, now's the time Jesus it Now's not the time I don't know what it is right so like, check it out. We've got some good stuff. But, so I would work with my team to, to go to all the different cities and have those conversations with the cities and towns Hamlet's to see if they wanted to host this thing. And so we would have that conversation with them, and then work with their team to get a local Organizing Committee set up and take them through beginning to end. So we were working with 24 teams concurrently across the country to get them all set up. And if that doesn't mean systems and processes, I don't know what does and I was like, Oh man, I don't know what the word is I've heard geeking out or nerdgasm or whatever you want to do but I was all about eighth grade so I just loved all that stuff because I love making sure that people feel good, and feel supported because form, and you know, she goes south. It's all good. You know all get done because it has to one way or the other. And we're going to do it sanely. That's the big thing for me is, is, yeah. Team sanity and that. And then most recently, I've had this new contract come out or a new client. I wouldn't use a new client like I got a new opportunity I'm just so blessed to have the opportunity presented so so it's a company called curbside concerts and little plug per se concerts.ca, check it all out. And so, because of COVID, what happened was a gentleman named Matt masters out of Calgary, very well known in Calgary across the country as a Western musician and artist. And so when music stops. You can probably think of three musicians you know that are playing that were playing in live venues anymore right or supporting an initiative somehow with with live music. And so he and his friend build a stage on top of his car and he literally started playing concerts and people's herd size. Right. It was so awesome, and the need was there people wanted it they I mean it, there's been like 300 shows of that already coming out of Calgary. And so, for him he's if there's something here, people want this, and you love like music as much as I do. I don't care what the circumstance is. And I mean that goes with anything that someone who loves and is passionate about you're gonna find a way to do it, you know. And one thing I'm a big believer on is. I don't particularly like the same thinking outside the box, I actually think it's a lot easier, more productive, to have a little box. I mean, the boxes have to be tiny and restrictive. It just has to have parameters, that's all right and you can work within them. So we have these interesting parameters that were set on us, right in March, and he rolled with it. Right. And so he wanted to now to take this national, and I was at, I had to stop myself or be like don't don't seem too excited too fast right but you're like it's contracted so find the contract you want to send you wonder, do you want to send me one right. And so that's what I'm working on the main project that I'm working on right now is getting this up and going in a managing and culture is managing the operations for that. So, we have to be very aware of the health and safety around that we need to know, you know we're developing onboarding processes for artists that we want to work with as we want to expand this out across the country and producers across the country that have their rosters right and it's just so it's so good and it's so nice to see it flourish. There's an interesting learning here I think for everyone is that the initiative is was doing so so welling in Calgary from the gecko, and then you start to scale. And sometimes, in our case the amount of concerts that we were having dipped a bit because we needed to hit this infrastructure in place. And I think it's important for to share that, because that can be a little bit scary when you're talking about a startup or you got money on the line you got lives on the line you got these humans that depend on you. Right. There's like a ripple effect that this is his family's kids right we want to make sure that they're taking care of and and you know the conversation on the early on with that was again mindset, which was really great that is something that this initiative aligns with a culture. Thanks, in a leash make sure that everyone's in the right mindset and moving towards the goal. And so now we're just we're going to blow that out and it's going to be awesome because we've got a lot of the feedback coming in and people are loving it and. And I think we decided yesterday so I'm going to say it out loud for the first time in the world and we're launching August 17 nationally across yet across the country so we're building, building up to that getting all the from an operational perspective for me getting all the systems and processes in place to onboard artists and together, or producers in each of the regions set up and supported in our marketing strategies set up from a marketing director and just all all those things and I'm just keeps a stupidly stoked because I feel a little punch drunk on it honestly it's and to be given this opportunity and it's easy to talk about because I see how excited people get when I talk about it, which is just as excited as I got so I digress you shouldn't let me go I could talk about that for days it gets a little fired up. [54:13] VL: Oh my gosh, well congratulations! Oh, congratulations that's so exciting and at the time of this recording that's less than two weeks away so that is huge. How long does the event run for? KT: So the initial, we're pushing for November. And we're going hard for six months we want to really see what we can do in six months and I think that's smart we have some realistic goals set in place we're going to reevaluate in six months, and long term, the goal is, is a year, two years, five years 10 years we really want to support musicians across the country and and change the way that the community involves artists and interacts with them. [55:10] VL: Wow, amazing, and so cool. KT: WEBSITE: KultureProductions.ca INSTAGRAM | @kyrstenthornhill We've got a company, Instagram, you know, it's on its way. We're working we don't want to throw it up there until it's ready, you know again from that value perspective of not putting it out there that. If it's not good enough to go yet. However, the, the Asterix on that is, I love a quote from the co founder of LinkedIn and he said if you're not embarrassed by your first version of something you took way too long, put it out right and so and then that's fine and I apply that every day in my life to a lot of stuff like so this is. [56:27] VL: I've never heard that quote before I love that. That's so great and it's so true, what I always say in my classes when, when people are getting frustrated that they can't do a pose or whatever they're going through in the class they just say you know I'm an expert at anything was once a beginner so give yourself permission to just, just try to show up for yourself and whatever that looks like, and your business yourself whatever it is that's awesome i love that quote, definitely put that into the show notes as well. All right, we're ready for the rapid fire round! RAPID FIRE ROUND: [57:05] Question number one, what are you currently reading or what's your favourite book? KT: So, full disclosure I'm not the biggest reader of long novels, I'm a big audio book person I like articles, and that sort of stuff. Okay, being a little bit vulnerable here so something new that I've taken on is. Maybe this is coming because of the lockdown stuff. But, but exploring the world of some steamy novels, and just kind of listening to those and what they mean to me and and exploring that genre a little bit more, you know, and then playing with those fantasies a little bit so um a couple of the series that I'm listening to right now is, is called: Beautiful stranger. There's another one called a beautiful bastard. So, yeah, that's kind of that's kind of fun enough that I'm listening to you right now maybe not my favorite book. But, but, it's what I'm exploring right now. [58:36] Question number two, what are you currently working toward? KT: There's two main things. One is creating a successful business through culture productions that can really support people that want to do the same. And, yeah, do their thing I feel like culture is a place where they can do that. The end game on that is being able to have an exit strategy for that, so I'm building towards an exit strategy, what that looks like, I don't know exactly yet but I know that it's there. The other thing that I'm working towards or looking for, for me, is like is my person. You know, I'm very open to engaging in that now and having those conversations to build a life with someone so that's something I would say that I'm working towards but I don't want that to come off the wrong way. I know it's worked let's be honest relationships are all work, but I'm sorting towards that right now. [59:46] Question number three, what do you love most about being a woman? KT: The fear of most though being a woman is the essential reality that comes along with us. And how we're able to express ourselves. I love that. The words that anyone can get to use them but. But some of the words that that women have to express our feelings I love I love that side of stuff. If we're talking about the nature versus nurture side of things going you know straight up science. I love that we're the nurturing side of things, I love that I can bring that to anything that I'm doing, and still be just as powerful in that position in all the right ways possible. But I love that there's that sort of filter for me about being a woman and I think it's, it's very helpful and is a source of empowerment revenue any woman that wants to tap into it. To use this like innate ability that we have that can feed whatever we, whatever we want to do. [1:01:06] Question number four: What does empowerment mean to you? KT: So for me empowerment is process. I don't. For me it doesn't, it's not a thing it's not an action or single action. And it's not it's not a word for me it's more of a feeling. So, even some of the things that we've talked about here when we talk about being like being comfortable with being uncomfortable. That's empowerment, whatever moves you forward and makes you feel like you can do it. And you've got this, you're gonna fuck it up I promise you, but you've got this faith and that's it's that mindset and being okay with that. And knowing that there's just lots of energy that you can that you can pull off of to feed it knowing that it doesn't always have to come from you that you're okay to lean on stuff to get into that empowerment position. But in totality it's moving through that that process. And when you feel empowered. You'll know you'll know when that that switch. Just changes. And from for me and a lot of people that I've talked to you it doesn't typically go away after that. There's walls but it never goes away after that so once, once you kind of get there, then, then you're, then you're good. [1:02:50] I think that's incredible. The way you describe and define empowerment I feel like that's something you really embody you embody that definition of empowerment, so I just, I want to acknowledge that and I want to acknowledge you and thank you again for coming on the show. I have learned so much more about you today that I that I didn't know before and that's one of the things I love about doing these interviews is getting to know people more but also giving you the space to brag, and like not even brag because you said it's on a break. This is what I do this is what I'm proud of. So I want. I feel like this is a space where you can explain. Maybe that's the word for it and you can really just speak your your truth and your voice and your, your lessons in your learning I learned so much from you today this is incredible. So thank you, you are appreciated and I know that you are going to be so successful in this new project and the production company because you already have everything you need and then the right mindset, and the empowerment and the drive to and the courage, for sure. You are one of the most courageous and brave people I've ever met. to to be successful. So I wish you fun, because I know you're going to be successful. I don't even need to wish you the success I just wish you have a really great time and you laugh a lot and you love every frickin moment of it. Yeah, I just. This was so amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. KT: Oh, likewise, I learned so much about you and honestly even about myself and just just talking about stuff it's so much different way to say it out loud, and I'm looking forward to getting more ingrained in and following you in what you're doing and connecting with these wonderful women that you're, you're bringing to the table and giving them voice and we're just learning, learning from them so thank thank you.
www.valerielavignelife.com/99 for all the show notes and the goods!
[00:26] Hi there, welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am so happy you are here. I’ve got to tell you my life has been very busy the last few months and I’ve been finding it hard to slow down and recharge my batteries. I feel guilty when I have a moment to myself, and with everything that needs to be done, I use my “down time” to tie up loose ends or work on projects or something more “productive.” I’ve been making excuses for why I can’t relax in a bath, or meditate in the mornings. My schedule is filled with tasks and my to-do list keeps growing. It’s been so long since I’ve felt a full cup, that I can’t even tell you the last time I had an abundance of energy or creativity. Here’s what I do know: I’m not alone in feeling this way. In fact, I would bet that everyone listening right now has felt this way recently. I would argue that these feelings come from the complete disruption that this year has brought and that through this time we have been jolted into survival mode. We are trying to get through the day, feeling overwhelmed that everything must happen now. But survival mode isn’t sustainable. And if we haven’t reached the point of burnout yet, I can assure you that if we keep this up, we’ll feel it very soon. I’ve been feeling it more and more and my physical body has been sending me signs to pay more attention to how I’m feeling, and to fill up my cup first. Which is why I wanted to use this podcast episode as a friendly, but firm reminder to slow down, and reestablish self care in our daily habits. I can confidently say that the only reason why I haven’t completely burnt out is because I have solid habits in place, and even though I don’t have bigger components of self care, it is these everyday habits that keep my vitality up and keep my body going. If you’ve listened to the show before, you’ll know that I like to give practical and tangible tools so that you can start taking action TODAY. I also like to skip the fluff and get right to the good stuff. Let’s go through the 7 Areas of Wellness and I will share some simple daily habits we can start incorporating into our daily lives to help fill our cups. What I’d like you to do is listen carefully. Notice which areas of your wellness need a little extra love and attention. At the end of this episode, I will share a few extra tips on how to stay consistent with these habits. [3:47] Area of Wellness One: Physical This is a huge category and we could probably break it down into several smaller categories, however for the purpose of today’s episode, I will share a variety of suggestions and you can choose which feels best for you at this time. 1. Take a break. Use this time to relax and step away from the work you are doing. Even if it’s for 10 or 15 minutes. 2. Go for a walk. Moving your body and getting fresh air are two great ways to fill up your physical cup. Really take the time to move and breathe, and leave your phone at home. 3. Exercise. While a full workout every day might not be possible in the start of this habit, scheduling 15-20 minutes of daily movement could be. There are so many resources for quick workouts that you can do from home, there aren’t any excuses to not do them. Personally I have learned that I am more likely to get a workout in BEFORE I start my daily tasks rather than after. Choose the time of day that works best for you and your schedule. 4. Choose wholefood nutrients. Our nutrition is foundational for our health and wellbeing, and incorporating healthier options in our daily self care supports our bodies from the inside out. It can be as simple as drinking the correct amount of water for our bodies, adding in more greens, or maybe it’s taking high-quality supplements every day. I’ll link to the supplements I take daily and where you can get them. 5. Take days off. Schedule in your lunch breaks, vacation days, and days off. Commit to not working or stressing about not working on those days. For me Sundays are my day off. The most “work” I do on Sundays is to plan my week out, but I rarely go on my computer or check my emails on Sunday. People in my circle know that I set boundaries around this day and that’s important to me. It also helps if I schedule something fun into the day. This past weekend we went pumpkin and apple picking, and we made butternut squash soup with some of the ingredients we got from the local farms we visited.
DAILY LIFELONG VITALITY SUPPLEMENTS: Wholesale Enrolment + Pricing BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP RECIPE: https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/instant-pot-butternut-squash-soup/ [6:46] Area of Wellness Two: Emotional This area of wellness can be difficult to navigate because for some of us, we have never learned about emotional intelligence. If this is a new term for you, I highly suggest reading the book titled Emotional Intelligence. I will link to it in the show notes page for you. A personal with emotional intelligence is responsive to situations rather than reactive. It’s the ability to be aware of and understand our own emotions, while also being able to properly embrace them without letting them take over. You can assess this area of your wellness by asking a few questions: * When was the last time I did an activity that made me feel really happy? * What do I do that helps me feel confident? Energized? * Am I processing my emotions in a healthy way?
Here are some ways we can improve our emotional area of wellness: 1. 1. Give ourselves permission to feel our emotions. This can be done alone, or with another person who we feel safe with and can hold space for us. It’s okay to feel and express ourselves as long as we are doing so safely. This could be a daily practice of checking in with how we are feeling, noticing and allowing the feelings to flow. 2. Keep a journal. Document the good and the bad feelings. Allow yourself to write it all out and maybe even come up with creative solutions for how we can celebrate, or cope with the emotions. 3. Do something we enjoy. Do you love to draw? Craft? Take photographs? Dance to your favourite music? Whatever you love to do, do that! And actually enjoy it while you do it! Switch it up every so often so that it doesn’t become a chore, and it stays a joy! 4. Develop healthy and supportive friendships. I always feel better emotionally after I’ve spent some time with a friend. Last week a friend of mine and I met to run an errand, and even though it was a short visit, we had a nice tea and walk together while we shopped for some great home decor pieces for her bedroom! It was lovely. Call a friend and make a date, you’ll both be grateful you did! On the day to day this might be a friendly text to a friend, a comment on their socials, or a call on your commute. For more ways to build friendships, you’ll want to hear area of health number four.
[11:04] Area of Wellness Three: Intellectual/Mental Mental health has been a very popular topic of discussion over the last several years. More and more people are beginning to understand and serve this area of health, yet many people will say their mental health could be improved. Even though we each have our own reasons for why this is, we still live in a world that demands instant everything: results, gratification, connection, etc. However, said plainly, this is unrealistic. To increase vitality in our mental health, try any of these self care habits: 1. Make time for relaxation. Can you incorporate 10 minute mediation or savasana? Perhaps an evening soak with candles, epsom salts, and essential oils? Maybe it’s taking a lunch break outside in the sunshine. Think of the ways you like to relax and how you can incorporate this into your daily routine. Personally I like to wind down by doing a French lesson on an app on my phone before going to bed. Since it’s another language it requires my full attention. It’s not how I want to keep spending my evenings but it’s helped me a lot for the last few months when I’ve struggled to turn off my monkey mind before bed. 2. Engage in hobbies outside of work. I’m what some people call a “workaholic” But I’m working on that. I often joke that my hobbies are work. LIke taking photos and creating content… and even though those are enjoyable - I have to create boundaries around it. Some great hobbies are: arts/crafts, reading non-work-related material, building a puzzle, visiting museums/exhibits, yoga and exercise, spending time in nature, playing with lego, the list is really endless. Choose a hobby that you enjoy and spend a little time doing that each day. 3. Stop feeling bad about boundaries. If you don’t want to do something, go somewhere or something that is being asked of you crosses over your boundary line, say “no.” and let it go! Don’t feel bad for saying no to something that doesn’t light you up or fill your cup. I had a really hard time with this for YEARS, and one of the personal development books I was reading at the time encouraged me to say “no.” and not give a reason to just politely say no or no thank you. So I stepped out of my comfort zone and started saying no. At first I felt guilty and then I realized that after the short feeling of guilt, I felt a HUGE wave of relief! It became easier to say no to what didn’t fill my cup. 4. Stay consistent. This could be said about any of the seven areas of wellness and the suggestions I’m sharing, but what I do know is that when I’ve been consistent with my habits, my mental health thrives. I noticed this the most when I was working out every morning at the gym. Yes I was working on my physical health and that was improving, but so was my mental health - in a really powerful way. I think the consistency played a big role in it.
[17:33] Area of Wellness Four: Social This area of wellness includes your friends, acquaintances, family and relatives. Social connection is incredibly important to health and well-being. It’s so easy to get caught up and overwhelmed that our busy lives affect our close relationships. And although true friends and family will understand that life has its seasons, they are true friends when they can kindly point out and recognize when this area of wellness needs some extra attention. Consider the important relationships you have in your life, how are you currently nurturing them? Are you getting face-time with these people? Some ways to increase vitality in our social area of wellness could be: 1. Prioritize your partner. Or your family, or your best friends, or your kids. Whomever your people are. Your people love you, but they also need love from you. Yes self care is filling your cup, and your people are part of your life and well-being. It doesn’t have to be the first thing you do every day, but it could be part of your daily habits to express your love and appreciation to your partner/people. 2. Avoid bringing work home. This is a tough one for me, especially since sometimes I work from home. It’s important to create boundaries around work and home life. Set your “office hours” and honour those hours. Creating and maintaining these boundaries for yourself will encourage other people in your life to do the same, and they will respect your boundaries when they see you doing so. 3. Go to the event you were invited to. Again, this may not be an every day thing, and maybe we can’t go to every event! But I will tell you right now that when I started showing up for more family events, my relationship with my family members improved exponentially. I set boundaries around my time and I always drove myself to the event so that I could leave when I was ready, but I showed up and it meant a lot to my family members. They were more understanding if I had to leave a little earlier and they were very grateful for my company. 4. Join a like-minded group/community. A couple years ago networking and meeting new people was so out of my comfort zone. To be honest I don’t really recognize that part of myself anymore but at the time, putting myself out there was a HUGE leap out of my comfort zone and I am so grateful that I did! My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner! The relationships I’ve built, the amazing people I have met, and the things I have learned are truly priceless. Again, it might not be a daily habit, however finding events, communities, or groups that you could meet with weekly or monthly can be very important for self-care and vitality. 5. Connect with a friend. A daily call? A quick text? A weekly lunch? A morning walk? There are countless ways to connect and some of them can be done daily. Maybe you’re both working on increasing your vitality and self care - be each-others accountability buddies!
[23:13] Area of Wellness Five: Spiritual This area of wellness will be different for everyone as spirituality means many things to different people. The way I like to view this area is that our spiritual health is about nurturing the things that are beyond ourselves. The parts of our worlds that have deep meaning and ask us to reflect. Consider the following questions to assess your spiritual health: * Am I engaging in spiritual practices? * Am I taking time to reflect on the things that matter most to me? * Am I doing my best to contribute to causes I care about?
Some healthy habits/practices for spiritual health include: 1. Prayer, meditation, and/or mindfulness. There are many methods of these practices and each can be very effective in nurturing our spiritual practice. Even mindfulness, as an example, can be in the form of movement like in yoga, or perhaps a walking meditation. If this is something that interests you but is also new to you, consider exploring different types of prayer, meditation and mindfulness and seeing which one resonates with you. 2. Donate to a meaningful cause. What is important to you? How can you donate and support this cause? It doesn’t always have to be money, perhaps it’s volunteering your time, or raising awareness in your community. 3. Connect and reflect with like minded friends and community members. I used to host virtual full moon ceremonies and the women who joined, as well as myself LOVED these evenings together. Our meditations and reflections were so much more powerful when we came together as a collective.
[25:09] Area of Wellness Six: Occupational Most people spend the majority of their time at their workplace or working throughout the week, which makes it one of the most important areas of wellness, and often an overlooked and/or abused area. Remember that we’re working on ONE area of wellness, and ONE of the suggestions so that we aren’t overwhelming ourselves with all these new daily/weekly habits. Here are some self-care suggestions to consider when it comes to occupational health. 1. Create and honour work boundaries. If you want to leave work by 3pm every day, at 3pm leave work. No exceptions. If you check emails between 1 and 4 every day, don’t you dare open your emails outside of that window. If you’re off on the weekends, let your voicemail take a message that you can return on Monday. Set your boundaries, respect your boundaries. End of discussion. 2. Eliminate, delegate, and automate whenever you can. What can we take off our plates so that we can be better at working in our zone of genius and really love our work? Go through your to do list daily or weekly and see what you can eliminate, delegate, or automate. Then work on the more important tasks from there. 3. Incorporate continuing education. Deepen your professional knowledge by reading or learning more about your industry each day. Perhaps there is a helpful book, podcast, or online course you can commit to reading, listening, or working on for 30 minutes a day.
[28:15] Area of Wellness Seven: Environmental I think of environmental wellness in two main pillars: the first is the planet/environment. How can we make the world a better place? The second is: the home environment. How can we make our home a better place? If you’re on the journey to personal growth and development, you’ll know that the work, changes, and transformations start with us as individuals. We cannot change others but we can change ourselves. This also applies to the environment. We might not be able to save the planet as one being, but we can play our part in making the world a better place and the ripple effect will take place and encourage others to also make a difference. As with each of the areas of wellness, I will share some suggestions. Remember that there are countless things we can do to support each of these areas, even if I haven’t included them in today’s episode. 1. Marie Kondo your living space. If you haven’t already read the BOOK: “The life changing magic of tidying up” by Marie Kondo, I recommend it. I think the series might still be available on Netflix for anyone who has it. Go through your items and only keep the things that bring you joy. Marie teaches her method and it’s a lot of work - I’ve done it before, so it might be something you want to work at each day. 2. Make environmentally friendly swaps. Once you’re finished with your household cleaning products, skincare products, or any household products, consider buying environmentally friend options. These are generally products we use every single day, so how can we make them better, and feel better about our choices each time we use them? Check out my Green Cleaning E-Book! 3. Reduce, reuse, recycle. We’ve all heard of these three words, but are we practicing them? The first word is REDUCE. This is something the majority of the population struggles with, but perhaps recently we have noticed a reduction in our consumption. Reduce the amount of packaging, plastic, negative self talk. Nobody needs more of it. Nobody. Reuse. I always try to reuse things AT LEAST TWICE if I can. For example the pasta sauce in the glass jar I’ve recently used to put our extra soup in. I use reusable water bottles instead of plastic bottles, etc. Recycle. Each area has different recycling policies. Check out your local community website to learn more about the proper ways to recycle in your area. 4. Practice Ahimsa. Ahimsa is one of the five yamas in the yogic philosophy and practice. It means “Non-Violence” it relates to non-violence to ourselves, and to our environment. Each day, bring more awareness to the cause and effect of your daily actions, how can you bring more care to yourself and to the environment?
After reading through the show notes, or listening to this episode, and the areas and the suggestions I shared, I hope that you feel inspired to start your new self-care habit. Remember to choose the one that you feel most drawn to at this time. What’s so wonderful about this work is that it creates a ripple effect. As you build and increase the vitality of one area of wellness, the other areas will also benefit from the effects. Remember to work with one area at a time. Once you have developed a habit, you may choose to stack another one (any one). There are many theories as to how long to practice something before it becomes a habit, but the most relevant one is, however long YOU need. Some habits form faster than others, take your time building yours. [35:45] As promised, here are 3 Tips for Staying Consistent with your Habits! #1. SCHEDULE SELF CARE What gets scheduled, is what gets done. I will never get tired of saying that because it is the truest and simplest method. Grab your planner, open your electronic calendar, whatever you use, and input your self care. #2. TRACK YOUR HABITS Whether it’s a sticker chart you hang on your bathroom mirror, or a tracker you made on Canva, find a way to track your health habits each and every day. Maybe it’s in your physical planner. #3. SHARE YOUR JOURNEY One of the best ways I hold myself accountable is when I share my challenge on social media. I tell my online community exactly what I’m doing and I share my progress journey with them. Each day I think about the fact that I have to keep up with my goals because others are watching me. It’s accountability, and it works every time. If you aren’t ready to share it with your socials, then I suggest sharing it with a friend who will keep you accountable. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Next week is another epic bonus episode with a wonderful soul and light. I am so excited to share this episode with you. I know you’re going to love it! Have a wonderful week.
www.valerielavignelife.com/98 for full show notes and special links! [00:27] Hello there! Welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast, I am your hostess Valerie LaVigne, and I am so very excited to be here with you today talking about MONEY! In this episode I am sharing FIVE ways to nourish your relationship with money, with the intention to encourage a new perspective, introduce some new tools, and inspire you to awaken abundance into your life. Let’s begin! [00:53] The first way to nourish your relationship with money is to Number one: Remember that Money is Energy I often hear people talking about money as if it is the goal. “I wish I had more money” or “I need to save more money” or “when I have money” But when we think about what follows phrases like these, we discover that there is a more specific goal, and it is money that gets us there. For example: “I wish I had more money… to go on a longer vacation.” “I need to save more money… to buy my dream home.” “When I have money… I’m going to get out of debt.” From these examples we can clearly understand that money isn’t the goal. Money is the energy, money is the tool that helps us reach our goals. This is a very simple mindset shift that we need to remind ourselves of. TAKE ACTION: Get clear on what really matters (what do you need more money for?) and outline your priorities. Where are you going to spend your energy? Examples: You like going out to eat, but you love travelling. Can you spend your energy (money) on groceries and make meals at home and use the money you saved to go on a longer vacation? You want to upgrade your car lease, but you’d rather buy your first home. Can you compromise on a lower model and use the difference in your monthly payments toward your new mortgage or downpayment for a property. Do you one better: can you walk or take public transit? Once you are clear on your goals, you can properly prioritize your energy and also find new ways to support your specific goals! Clarity is key! [2:57] Number two: Solidify Healthy Money Habits Your relationship with money is like your relationship with anyone else, it takes work and it needs attention. I’ve outlined four simple money habits to practice that help build a healthy relationship with money. #1. Respect your bills:Every side of a relationship deserves respect. When your bill arrives, don’t roll your eyes, ignore it, or start swearing at it. Money has ears, can you imagine if you reacted the same way to your partner when they came home? They would be heartbroken. Instead, greet your bills with appreciation, gratitude and love! You were able to buy some pretty great things using your credit card. It has helped and respected you, now it’s your turn to return the appreciation. #2. Save your receiptsHaving proper receipts will help you separate taxable and nontaxable income so that you can distinguish your actual deductions. Once you start saving your receipts, you’ll also want to implement habit number 3 and organize them… #3. Have money datesI have a money date every month. It’s the time I set aside to review my spending, saving, and income generation. I first started tracking my income and expenses when I started my business. But whether you have a business or not, I highly recommend tracking your expenses. The way I record mine I am able to see how much money I am spending on different areas of my business. You can create categories specific to you and your business or life. One month I realized I was spending WAY too much money on coffee dates so the next month I decided to invest in a Nespresso machine and drink coffee at home. I love my coffee ritual and my nespresso machine. #4. Visit your savingsEvery so often check up on your savings account. - OH WAIT - I’m going to interrupt myself… if you don’t have a savings account, start a healthy money habit to put money into a savings account regularly. - Then once you have one, you can visit it. Watch how it grows! Feel yourself getting closer to your goals with your savings, and say nice things to it like: Thank you for being a safe space to hold my energy so that I can insert goals here [travel the world]. OR I’m so grateful for the money I am saving, as my appreciation grows, my savings account also grows. TAKE ACTION: Choose one of the four habits and start implementing it in the next 48 hours. Then block off time in your calendar each week to cultivate the habit. [6:00] Nourishing your relationship with money number three: Wealth is a Mindset If you want to be rich, you need to think differently. Wealthy people will tell you that the key to their success is having a “millionaire mindset.” Did you know that only 20% of millionaires inherited their wealth? The other 80% earned their money on their own. One of the biggest obstacles of people living with debt or paycheque to paycheque is that they believe that this is their life. But it doesn’t have to be! TAKE ACTION: Get clear on what you want money for (refer to #1) THEN, figure out what your limiting beliefs and money mindset blocks are. These are the things we think or tell ourselves about money that are holding us back from our goals and from building a healthy relationship with money. This step may take some time, because most of us don’t even know what our limited beliefs are. When I first started understanding my money stories, I would write down everything I said about money and also the people I spent time with. I kept it all in a note file on my phone. This helped me understand my money blocks and also the limiting beliefs I inherited from my family and friends. [7:43] Number four: Get in Touch with Your Feelings Thinking and talking about money can stir up some real heavy emotions. According to personal finance author Suze Orman, shame, fear, and anger are the most common emotions tied to money. No matter which emotion you are feeling, the best thing to do is forgive yourself. “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward” - Steve Maraboli Most of us have experienced these heavy feelings, have made money mistakes, or have struggled financially in some way. Like any relationship, mistakes will be made along the way. Lean into the situation, release the judgment and forgive so that you can discover creative solutions and move on. [8:52] *Number five: Celebrate the Wins Gratitude and appreciation attract more things to be grateful for. The same works for celebrating, it’s a form of showing gratitude - celebrate your wins each and every week. The big ones, the small ones, and everything in between! TAKE ACTION: at the end of each week, write down all of your wins - do this daily for bonus good vibes! Choose different benchmark dates and celebrate all your wins between those dates. Choose celebrations that you like best! Popping some bubbly? Spa day with your friends? A bouje dinner? AND Whenever you’re having a bad day you can go back and look through all the wins! It will cheer you up and remind you of the badass human you are! Alright, those were the 5 ways to nourish your relationship with money!!! These are super simple practices that can make a world of a difference with your money mindset. [9:53]* List of previous episodes all around money, abundance, and wealth! Episode 11: The Dangers of Your Comfort Zone Money Mindset Mini Series Episode 73: Part One Awareness Episode 74: Part Two Action Episode 75: Part Three Awaken BONUS: Successful Strategies for Money Management & Rocking Your Side Hustle with Liz Enriquez BONUS: Elevate Your Money Story & Overcome Your Money Blocks with Vanessa Bowen Episode 83: Three Magical Manifestation Magnifiers Episode 86: Three Keys to Creating Space to Attract More Abundance
www.valerielavignelife.com/97 for full show notes and links!! [00:59] WHATT!!!?? Well the answer is YOUR DAMN RIGHT I DID! And I have the evidence and the bags under my eyes to prove it hahaha but seriously. Sometimes I hear a tiny voice in my head that asks, “Who am I to start a podcast?” “Who am I to buy a business?” “Who am I to empower women in health, wealth, and happiness?” I know that I’m not alone in hearing this small voice. It’s not just me that hears these questions; or similar questions. It’s everyone. It’s the perfectionists, the experts, and It’s the high achievers.These thoughts lead us to believe that we aren’t good enough, or that we aren’t worthy of feeling good or achieving goals, or dreaming big. This is known as Imposter Syndrome. Typically these thoughts lead to feelings, which result in inaction, and then usually more negative feelings follow. However, as someone who is an advocate for a holistic approach to health, I speak a lot about mindset and today’s episode is all about overcoming imposter syndrome. Before we get into some of the tangible practices, I would like to remind you of the importance and power of our minds. The only way we can truly stop the feelings of imposter syndrome is if we stop thinking like an imposter. And I hate to be the one to break the news, but mindset shifts aren’t always quick and easy. Especially if we’ve been experiencing the feelings and thinking the thoughts for a long time. I will share some key practices, along with examples from my own recent experience in partnering to buy a pilates studio - the full story for a future episode. You’ve probably heard of it before, “Imposter syndrome” is when you undermine your experience or expertise, devalue your worth, or believe that you’ve only succeeded due to luck, and not because of your talent or qualifications. If you aren’t nodding your head, raising your hand, or cringing right now, then you might not have ever felt imposter syndrome before, but the chances are you HAVE! And you’re not alone! I most definitely have felt this way, and I know many other people who are successful and incredible and achieving big things have felt this way too. Allow me to break down EIGHT ways to cope with and overcome Imposter Syndrome. [3:43] NUMBER ONE: Acknowledge Your Feelings The first step to changing anything is bringing awareness to the issue or area of concern. Call it out. Call that tiny voice out when it’s questioning your skills, your expertise, your abilities. By doing this, you will also be able to separate your feelings from the facts. I feel silly, or small, or stupid, but that doesn’t mean I am any of these things. The first time I did an instagram and facebook live I felt so silly. But I had never done it before, I was staring at myself. When I teamed up with my partner to open the new studio I felt inadequate, but she wouldn’t have asked me to partner with her if she thought that, so obviously this wasn’t a fact it was a feeling. It’s okay to feel this way. Know you’re not alone, know that it is a feeling and you aren’t defined by it. Know the facts and don’t let these feelings debelidate you. You’ve got this. [4:51] NUMBER TWO: Release Your Inner Perfectionist Whenever I notice myself obsessing over everything and trying to make it all perfect, I remind myself that Perfectionism is a Form of Procrastination. It’s great to care about what you are creating and putting out, it’s important to notice details and to do our best - these are signs of a healthy drive to excel. It’s also important to produce your work. At the time of this recording, the schedule at our new studio has already changed multiple times. We have added classes, deleted classes, moved classes, and the schedule will probably change again soon. If we tried to make it perfect, we’d never have one up! We created the best with what we had, and now, after one full month of a specific schedule, can make changes based off of all the information we have received. Which brings me to Coping with and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome [5:55] NUMBER THREE: Reframe Your Response to Failure & Making Mistakes They are going to happen. Failures, mistakes, and everything in between. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes. There will be times where we don’t meet our expectations and label something as a failure, which is why it is so important to reframe failure. Episode 63: How to Fail + Make Happiness Your Compass [6:31] NUMBER FOUR: Rewrite the Mental ScriptI mentioned earlier that this episode has a lot to do with mindset. When it comes to our minds there are automatic scripts that start to play out in our minds when we are triggered by imposter feelings or feelings of inadequacy. Some examples would be the questions I gave earlier of that tiny voice in my head. “Who am I to be talking into this mic teaching people about imposter syndrome when I woke up this morning feeling unworthy?” Or “Oh gosh I have no idea what I’m doing with this technology, wait till everyone finds out.” We can notice these scripts, stop them, and rewrite them. For example: “I am the perfect example of someone who is constantly noticing and improving my mindset and overall health and wellness. I had feelings of inadequacy this morning, and I still showed up to produce a podcast that I have built organically despite not knowing what I was doing when I first started.” “This technology is new, and everyone who starts something new feels this way in the beginning. I’m learning as I go and smart enough to figure things out, and brave enough to ask for help when I need it.” Be kind to yourself. Just like mistakes and failures, you will also come across new areas of learning and developing your skills. An expert at anything was once a beginner. Coping with and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome [8:09] NUMBER FIVE: Track + Measure Your Success Two of my favourite quotes for the administrative pieces of my business are: “What gets measured is what gets moved.” AND “If you aren’t measuring it, you aren’t managing it.” There are a number of benefits to measuring different parts of your business, or your life for that matter, but measuring your wins should be at the top of your list! In a previous episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast I talked about my daily gratitude journal and all of the things I learned from writing down what I was grateful for each day. I recommend tracking your wins each week and recording them in a place where you can look back and see them all together. Over time you will build a library of EVIDENCE showcasing your skills, expertise, adequacy and worthiness. Plus when imposter feelings surface, you have a whole list of achievements and wins you can refer to that prove the facts that YOU ARE ENOUGH. Episode 69: What 365 Days of Gratitude Taught Me Let’s move on to [9:21] NUMBER SIX: Own Your Accomplishments When you are reviewing your wins and your achievements, and when you’re reaching your goals, learn to celebrate your success! Reward yourself when accomplishing something. We popped champagne to celebrate the new studio. Friends of mine all came out to eat tacos and celebrate this new chapter. I’m still accepting ideas for what the 100th episode of the women’s empowerment show should be but I will definitely be celebrating after 100 episodes! Pat yourself on the back and say, “I am proud of what I have accomplished” As a bonus, say your name aloud. Research has found that the simple act of adding your name to an affirmation can have a powerful effect on how you perceive yourself. For example: “I am enough” is amplified as “Valerie is enough” Coping with and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome [10:21] NUMBER SEVEN: Visualize Success Professional athletes and military recruits do this all the time! Spend some time before your presentation, before your instagram live, before launching your new product and visualize exactly how you will navigate that specific situation successfully. This allows you to prepare for the best and truly embody the energy and gravitas of who you are when you achieve a goal. Tap into those feelings over the imposter feelings. It also allows you to foresee any risks or issues you may come across and how you can successfully overcome them. [11:03] And lastly, NUMBER EIGHT: Fake it Until You Make It Think of this less like “winging it” and more like “skill development.” Jump in with both feet, so that you can learn and grow as you go. Stop waiting until you feel ready, your courage and confidence comes from taking the risks! Allow this courage to build as you leap! And re-listen to episode 53: How to Build Your Confidence Toolkit for more tips to make this work for you. Episode 53: How to Build Your Confidence Toolkit
Heart Chakra Meditation + Full show notes at: www.valerielavignelife.com/96 Leave a review on iTunes HERE [00:34] Today we are continuing our chakra series with one of the most well known chakras, our heart. Before we go into more detail, let's review the seven main chakras, also known as energy centres, in the body: Chakra One: Is the root chakra located at the base of the spine/tailbone Episode 64: Reclaim Your Roots with the First Chakra Chakra Two: Is the sacral chakra, located at the reproductive organs, below the belly button Episode 89: Sexuality & The Sacral Chakra Chakra Three: Is the core or solar plexus chakra, located in the abdomen above the belly button Episode 79: Confidence & The Core Chakra Chakra Four: is the heart chakra, at the centre of the chest E96: Harmony with the Heart Chakra Chakra Five: is the throat chakra, located at the throat Episode 58: Speak Your Truth with the Fifth Chakra Chakra Six: Is called the third eye chakra located at the forehead, between the eyebrows Episode 71: Intuition & The Third Eye Chakra And lastly, Chakra Seven: the crown chakra, located at the top of the head. [1:49] Along with specific locations in our physical body, the chakras also coincide with emotional, mental, and spiritual themes. The fourth chakra, also called the heart chakra is all about forming relationships with peers and family, as well as developing character or personality. The meaning or purpose of this chakra is love and balance. In Sanskrit the name for the fourth chakra is Anahata which translates to ”unstruck." [2:19] The chakras also have colours, issues, identity, demons, characteristics, and much more. Themes around the fourth chakra have to do with love, balance, and relationships as I mentioned, and also self-acceptance, self-reflection, intimacy, grief, compassion and devotion. This chakra is represented by the element Air and the colour green. When I first started this chakra series in the podcast, it was for the fifth chakra, the throat. I told a story of my past trauma and pain, and how I am learning to heal, even after all these years. (Episode 58: Speak Your Truth with the Fifth Chakra) Although my throat chakra was very blocked and needed a lot of work, I would not have been able to grow and heal as much as I have without the fourth chakra, the heart. I believe in honouring the heart, connecting to the heart, and healing the heart because I believe in the power of love. Now before you roll your eyes or think what I’m saying is cheesy, I’d like to ask you to pause for a moment. Pause and think, and feel what happens in your body when you hear and say the word “LOVE.” Where do you go mentally and physically? Do you think of your family, your friends, your partner? Do you feel warm and whole? Perhaps you feel pain, like a tender wound after it’s touched. Or your mind goes to what was once and now is lost. Wherever you are, and with whatever you are feeling, place a hand on your heart in recognition of your fourth chakra. Of your past and present experiences. Allow yourself to feel, to be, and to hold this space, judgement free. It’s not always easy to feel our emotions. Sometimes we don’t even understand them. Love can be quite the mystery, and I’ll say it right now: I don’t have all the answers. And that’s okay. [4:36] Recently though, I have started to nurture my green thumb. Something I’ve always wanted to have was a connection to plants and Mother Earth. Some would say gardening and growing plants connects us to the root chakra. (Episode 64: Reclaim Your Roots with the First Chakra) They would not be wrong! Lush green plants do indeed have steady, grounding roots. They also grow high, as if they are reaching up toward the heavens. They’re green foliage bright and alive like the heart chakra. This chakra is the middle of our seven energy centres. It connects the physical to the mental and spiritual realms that go beyond ourselves. Without this heart chakra, the rainbow of energy centres collapses. The power of love: without it, we cannot heal. And although we can recognize love visually and physically, like through a loving smile, or a warm hug, the heart chakra resonates with the element air. An invisible force that moves, the one thing no being can live without, the element of expansion and change. If you’ve ever been in love, you will have experienced this enchanting feeling. Love “sweeps us off our feet!” It lifts our spirits, melts our ridgid hearts, and we start to see the world through rose-coloured-glasses. And even though love can alter our senses, we must remember that balance is an important purpose of this chakra. Balance of our self, and also balance with ourselves and the world. [6:30] You may have heard, or learned for yourself that without loving ourselves, we are challenged to love others. Life and relationships become complicated. And do you know what the most common block in the heart chakra is? The absence of self-love. When I started this chakra series, I wanted to educate the audience at a more introductory level, and support healing through simple guided meditations. What I have also been experiencing through this education is my own growth and healing. It’s actually been really wonderful to break down each chakra, and not in the sequential order, but in this intuitive way of wanting to share. At this time in my life I am feeling so much in the area of the heart chakra. The world needs so much love and it has loud cries for compassion every day. The more I take time to honour and heal my own heart centre, and find ways to love myself, the greater my capacity to love others and to give love. Like the air, love is boundless, limitless, but it can be easily blocked. Think of how often we hold our breath throughout the day! Are we also holding love back from ourselves and others just as easily? Just as often? [7:55] As we bring awareness to our thoughts, emotions, and feelings about love, we may start to uncover specific characteristics that give us more information about the health and balance of our fourth chakra. This is information about ourselves and our energy centres that helps us begin the healing process. It’s important that when we are learning about ourselves, we do so with kindness, even if we don’t love* what we’re learning or we don’t like how we feel in specific moments or experiences. Learning is a huge part of growth and healing. To keep the content today introductory, consider the following characteristics and how they might be showing up in your fourth energy center. Excess of an energy centre means there is too much here, whereas deficiency is the opposite. The goal for healing is to find balance. Signs of excess*** in the heart chakra: * Codependency * Demanding * Poor boundaries * Clinging * Overly sacrificing * Jealousy
Signs of deficiency in the heart chakra: * Withdrawn, rigid, anti-social, cold * Critical, judgmental, intolerant * Lack of empathy * Narcissism * Fear of intimacy, fear of relationships * Depression * Loneliness, isolation
Remember that we can experience both deficiency and excess, and it could very well be dependent on specific relationships or certain experiences. It’s important to become self aware so that we can direct our healing and energy to the right places. Here are some of the characteristics of a balanced heart chakra: * Compassionate * Loving * Empathetic * Good immune system * Altruistic * Peaceful, balanced * Self-loving
No matter which chakra you are balancing or healing, love is the universal medicine. However we don’t always know how to use it, and this is what makes healing so complicated. So I will share some healing practices with you, and also I encourage you to explore your own wisdom and guidance. Our bodies know what they need, we just don’t always listen to what it’s sharing. Listen, love, and lean in. [10:35] Let’s start with a big one: Self-Acceptance. This is the part where I get a little awkward and want to say “I YAM WHAT I YAM” a heart-chakra mantra if you will LOL But the truth is, this work is MUCH easier said than done. This work is internal and it’s deep. It’s about honouring our individuality and the relationship with have with ourselves. It’s about loving who we are without the noise or distraction from the world around us. And there is SO. MUCH. NOISE. Telling us who we are supposed to be and what we’re supposed to do and think and feel and how we’re meant to act. But the truth is we are enough. At our heart centre we are whole and beautiful. It’s our right and our responsibility to find ourselves and love ourselves. We must take time to learn about what we love, what makes our souls happy, and heart’s sing. We must speak to ourselves with kindness, patience, and compassion. The same way we speak to our loved ones. This is a daily task. We are building and healing our relationship with ourselves every day. [13:39] In my most favourite chakra book, Eastern Body Western Mind, the author Anodea Judith shares a wonderful exercise she calls “The Inner Family” “Make a list of the various parts of yourself. You might list the inner child, the critic, the lover, the clown, the parent, the achiever, the quiet one, and so on - the possibilities are infinite. Next to each name on the list, write a few words describing how you perceive this part of yourself. The inner child might be described as playful or wounded, needy or angry, scared, cute, or awkward. The achiever might be driving, relentless, exhausted, or enthused. After the description, write down what you think each part wants. The clown might want to be liked, the inner child might want to have fun, the critic to make sure we are always perfect. How often do these parts succeed in getting what they want? How realistic are their desires? What can be done to bring them into wholeness?” I love this exercise and I’m surprised because I’ve never done it like this before. I teach a similar exercise with the inner critic, who I like to call the “Inner Mean Girl” or “Person” and it’s quite helpful to separate ourselves from each of these inner family members. [16:04] Another healing practice for restoring the heart chakra is if we Keep coming back to Feelings Earlier I mentioned love being the universal medicine, and how it is just like air; the one thing every being needs to live. We access our feelings through our breath. When we hold back our feelings we hold our breath and when we hold our breath we restrict life force energy into our entire body, and we hurt ourselves. Deepening the breath allows repressed feelings to surface, to mobilize and to release. Through the breath we explore feelings and can let go of the ones we no longer need. I actually had a reiki healing session this morning and my energy healer Tasha was encouraging me to breathe deeply offering a visualization of anchors stuck deep under the surface of the water. With each inhale I was pulling the anchor up and out of the bottom of the ocean and bringing it closer to the surface, where I could let them float away. Breathing helps us free the heaviness of our emotions, but we cannot let them go if we block them or ignore them, we have to keep coming back to our feelings so that they don’t get buried so deep every time. One of the simplest ways to come back to our feelings is by observing the breath. Notice how you breathe in different scenarios and experiences. When I feel angry I hold my breath because I don’t want to have an outburst. But really this is counter-productive, because what happens when you hold your breath for too long? You usually panic and quickly GASP for more air. Now when I'm feeling upset or angry I place a hand over my heart center of the chest and breathe deeply into this space. Feeling my hand rise and fall with my inhales and exhales until I feel centred and present. You might notice that you are breathing, but your breathing is very short, shallow or restricted. Notice what happens when you start to breathe deeper into your belly, or other parts of your body like wide into your ribcage. Feel pauses between inhalations and exhalations like a 4-2-4-2 or 4-4-4-4 breath: Inhale for the count of 4 Hold for 2 Exhale for the count of 4 Hold for 2 Work your way up to deeper breaths and longer pauses. [20:00] Grief Work Deep breaths and breathwork often releases grief. Grief is heavy and is felt after the loss of a loved one. We lose someone we love and our love attaches to that person. We cannot get back the lost loved one, but we can reclaim what we've attached to them. The person we were, or the way we acted with that person is what we let go of and need to get back. It’s the self that feels nurturing, playful, loving, excited, sexual, that might be lost. The parts of you that person brought out leaves when that person leaves your life. When doing grief work we want to regain the connection with the self that is inside of us, rather than the attachment to what was lost. We can ask questions to help us uncover the self we are missing: 1. Why was this person in particular so special to me? 2. What did they bring to me that I am missing in myself? 3. What part of me was particularly bonded to this person, and what does that part of me need? 4. What has disconnected from within myself as a result of this ending, and how can I nurture and reconnect that part of myself again?
[25:39] Forgiveness Is needed when we put up walls of blame. When our hearts are hurting, we project from where we are injured. Blaming others acts as a wall to protect us from opening up and being vulnerable again. However the wall blocks us from opening ourselves to loving, as well blocking us from receiving love. When we are able to forgive, we are able to heal, to remove the walls and blocks. Forgiveness requires compassion so that we can understand the situation and how it affects ourselves and others. The heart and heart chakra don’t need to be wide open. The purpose of the heart chakra is about love and balance. It’s about “finding balance in love” if you will. The balance is a self acceptance and openness that allows us to find peace, stillness, and stability without constriction. Healing the heartspace requires meeting parts of ourselves that are very vulnerable and the work can be challenging and painful at times. Keep pouring more love into your healing. You will find the healing and it will reveal your next steps. BOOK: Eastern Body, Western Mind by Anodea Judith
www.valerielavignelife.com/marina for full show notes!
[1:49] Hey Marina! Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast! Thank you so much for joining me today!... I was thinking about when we met, and I was trying to figure out where exactly it was. It was at the June Motel (in Prince Edward County) over a weekend retreat with the Toronto Business Babes and The Content Planner. I remember seeing you in your kimono with your long blonde hair and you're really tall and colourful and I wanted to know who you were, and I was excited when you started talking to me at one of the lunches.
One of the things I want to talk about today is your personal journey. So you have a pretty intense and very empowering story, and I'd love for you to share that story, in your own words.
Yes. Thank you, I do have an intense story that's for sure, and I think that's because I've worn a lot of hats and I've been through a lot in my life so far. I'm an artist and designer, and basically started my career want to be a fashion designer. When I was 18 I moved to New York City and I worked in Fashion and I went to the Parsons School of Design, but the journey took about 20 years to get me to where I am right now. So all that happened in between is what made me the woman that I am today. So that's: leaving home, discovering who you are as an artist, that's going through experiences that create who I became and essentially it was all in the last year that it really unfolded for me.
I guess I'll tell you about how it all came to be. I moved to New York and 18 and basically started my career in fashion design and I came back to Vancouver after 9/11. That was a hard time for me to go back to New York City because the world had changed so much. So I've been through a lot of world changes and sort of drama things, at the time it was so scary so I begged my parents to let me drop out of school and sort of figure out who I am. And when I did drop out of school, in my senior year, I ended up starting my own clothing line which won a lot of awards and accolades, but I was 21. I was SUPER young! I needed up doing that for 5 years and it was amazing but I really had no clue of what I was doing, so long story short, I went back out into the world and I decided to try all the things that were on my bucket list. Because I knew when I was 24/25 I didn't have a social life because I ran a business at that age. I get it because now I do the same thing again because of the experiences that I've had.
So when I was about 24/25, maybe 26 I just went out into the world and checked everything off my bucket list and everyone thought I was crazy and tried to intervene but I was like, 'no I want to be in a rock band, and I want to be a yoga teacher, I want to do all these things' because I just had no fear. I could always come back and work for another clothing company or start my own clothing company again. But I was so young and I didn't know about the planet and I didn't know about sustainability, other than the little bit that I had read about. I didn't understand until I had a clothing line and I went overseas and I saw people sewing. I didn't know where this stuff comes from. And when you go to the store and you buy things, you don't know where they come from.
As I got older I really started to care about that. And I got all the stuff off my chest about wanting to be in a band, and I did it! I did all those things for about 18 months, and I was a yoga teacher for about 6 or 7 years, during the whole experience and yoga is still a huge part of my life. After quitting my rock band I told my parents I wanted to be a graphic designer and I want to design websites and I want to go to the Art Institute or Vancouver, because I'm from Vancouver. And my parents sat me down and told me that I was going back to New York and you're graduating. So I reached out to the school and asked if they would take me back after 8 or 9 years. Even though they had just changed their curriculum, they allowed me to go back.
So I went back to New York at 30 years old and I got to do my senior year. So it was a real cool kind of circle story of going back to where I really belonged, but getting the things off my chest that I didn't know if they were the career I wanted. I think there's so much pressure when you're young to pick your degree; decide what you want to do, but really you have to experience your life. You have to try to fly at other things and see what sticks. I am so grateful I had that time and I will never regret going on tour with a rock band and teaching yoga all over the world. I could to teach yoga in Hawaii, Barcelona, and Las Vegas and it was just so amazing! Because when I got my Yoga Certification, I met so many amazing people that had their own studios all over the world and that's so cool and it's just part of my story.
From there, I ended up going back to school, graduating, and my boyfriend at the time was not able to work in New York so I was looking for a job in Canada, and from my graduation I got a job at Joe Fresh in Toronto. So that's how I ended up in Toronto. I started as a Print and Pattern textile designer and kind of worked my way up. It was amazing to meet Joe Mimran who was such a force in the fashion industry. He started up Club Monaco and sold it, then ended up partnering with Loblaws to great this grocery store brand.
There were so many amazing things I took out of that experience, and one of them was I really learned about Fast Fashion. And that just tugged at my heartstrings because I remember my experience with fashion and going overseas and I worked with small factories in Thailand, and Indonesia and I was in Bali. I make resort ware, it's always been beachy. So when I worked at Joe Fresh, I got to see the units; 10 000, 20 000. And it just kind of blows your mind. You know, every grocery store around the world is selling these things. And what happens to the product when it doesn't sell? What happens? That's when I started to ask questions, and there were some incidences where factories were falling down and the quality of the work environment wasn't really there. It was just kind of like a weird eye-opener and in the long run it just kind of brought back the fact that I knew I was going to design for myself again, I knew I was going to have a clothing line again, I knew I was going to do something with my art. And I knew it had to be something sustainable. It had to be organic in some sense, I knew the working conditions had to be good. That was sort of my mission statement for when I had to go ahead and create a new product line. I worked for Joe Fresh for a while and then I got kind of pinched from another company who offered me the world, and that's when I started to learn about the work force in a big city.
When I started to work for other companies, they promise you all this stuff, and you design but it's the same kind of circle. But the good thing is I got bigger roles, and I got more responsibility, and then I had to manage a team, and then I became a creative director. All those things [I kept thinking,] 'am I read to do this on my own?' and I was just kind of waiting for an opportunity and the Artist Project in Toronto came around and my husband was kind of getting annoyed with me because I had all these paintings, and he's like, 'They're taking up the whole garage, are you going to tell people you have paintings to buy, or are they just going to be here in the garage forever?' and I wasn't really showcasing myself as an artist. I wasn't really promoting myself as an artist at the time. So I decided to go for it and apply for the Artist Project and I got in off the waitlist! It was 2017 that I did my first booth and I pretty much ended up selling all my paintings, and I lightbulb went off, so from there I, I knew I wanted to wear something at my art shows.
I had already started designing things for my brother's winery - where I am now - so I had always kept vendors and connections that I knew I could start printing my own product on. My brother was the first person that needed tea towels, tote bags, scarves, and I found a factory that checked off all the boxes. But I wanted a kimono, because I wanted to wear something that looked like my art while I was selling my paintings! So I was like, 'I definitely have to have a draping kimonos, that's just what it has to be!' Silk, floor length, it has to feel good on this skin. I'm really picky with fabric now as I'm getting older now, it has to feel good on the skin, I don't care how cute you look in something, once it's touching your skin, it has to feel good. So I'd rather have a lot less stuff now, but when I was younger I wanted it all and that's where it kind of came from; that's where it all switched.
I ended up making my first kimono. My husband, when he saw me put it on was like, 'that is insane, that is so cool, that is amazing.' Then I'd show friends and [they would all] want one. Then I'd wear it out and [people asked me where I got it], so then I ended up making different prints and thinking up new ideas. They were one off prints and really expensive obviously, I'm not fast fashion, so you're paying premium dollar to have one made.
I went on to more art shows, and the One of a Kind Show asked me if I wanted to be apart of [it], after seeing me at the Artist Project, and this was a dream! I would never have thought they would even allow me in, but I sell my art, and then I make my fabrics. It became a lifestyle of watercolour on different things. I love minimal art with white backgrounds and beautiful watercolour prints. I like that it goes on kimonos, and I sort of just created this Art of Marina Brand. That's sort of where I ended up, and I knew that it had to be sustainable. Marina is my name, and I'm really into the ocean and beaches and resorts. Once I become profitable, I will be giving back to the ocean, clean water, shark free marinas. Everything to do with preserving our oceans and keeping them clean. It was kind of just like 'whoa, this is actually kind of a brand? Because my name is Marina, I'm all about the ocean and I design resort wear!' I kind of just thought I was ready!
The One of a Kind Show in 2018 was the last show I did as a creative director. A week after the show, I got into a car accident. So that was when BOOP! Life changed big time!
This is where the things get kind of weird because, what everyone didn't know (that saw me and met me). I do have a very positive and happy energy and I love everybody and I just see the light in pretty much everyone. But I was going through a really dark time. My husband and me are crazy in love and have been best friends for ever and amazing relationship, and connection; all the things, so blessed! But the only thing we weren't blessed with was having children.
We just had a slew of miscarriages and trauma that happened to us with trying to have a baby, and so I wasn't going to give up at that point because having a child was the biggest thing I ever wanted. I think sometimes when you can't have something, you want it 900 times more, and you start to go a little crazy. So I actually got to that point. Everyone that was pregnant in the office was a trigger. I started to take away from all the positive blessings that I did have, because of something that I couldn't have. And that's where life got weird for me, because I pretty much went after everything I wanted and worked hard to achieve it. But the crazy thing about fertility and pregnancy is that, that's something you have no control over. And a lot of people can't let go of that, and I was one of them. So when I was in my car accident, I was pregnant, and it was a healthy pregnancy. And it was the first time that I was like finally pregnant, and I got into the car accident. And I was like, 'Okay the Universe obviously has other plans for me,' and there's not a lot that I can do at this point, other than step back and work on my own healing.
I've gone through so much healing which is why I'm able to talk about this, and this is why I wrote my book, which I will share with you, is because the hardest thing in the world for women is infertility. When you're trying to conceive, or when you do and you have miscarriages, it's so painful. Hugs and love to every woman who has gone through that. There are so many different stages of women and their fertility and their cycle. Like postpartum and what happens to your body. Women who can't have children, they would give up their leg to have a kid! So when I see women with postpartum and body image and body shaming... hunny I would take those stretch marks, I would take the pain that you went through, I would lose the sleep because it's something that I couldn't have! But this is the mental and psychological thing that we go through as women.
What I started to do when I was going through my healing, was I realized that, I do have so many other blessings, and if I can help other women who have gone through this, find their light... I want to be that light to say, 'I've gone through it. I've lost babies. And I'm okay.' Because I've taken the time to dig deep and get the spiritual healing. I wasn't into the whole mediation and taking the time to write affirmations and focusing on the positive energy and the light you've been given. I wasn't into that. I was in corporate fashion, I loved the world, but I didn't have any issues. I worked, got what I needed and moved on. It wasn't until I couldn't have something and then I had a tragic car accident that I legitimately had to step back and find my purpose.
I did a podcast with Making Smith "A Walk in My Stilettos" One of the things we both took out of that was that Pain Births Purpose. When you read a good story about somebody, or you watch an Oscar winning movie about someone's life, the best stories are the most painful ones, right? Because they overcame and obstacle, and they looked deeper and found their light. I'm grateful for that car accident - in a crazy way. I'm still sad about what happened and I relive it sometimes and I go to my meditation places, and I find a way to deal with it when it comes up, because it does. But I'm grateful for the light that it did bring out in me. In a sense that I was like, okay well I didn't lose my arm, I can still draw, I can still paint. I have time now to focus on nourishing my body, my soul and my purpose. That was [part] of how I overcame the dark side.
I decided that this is what happened and it is what it is, and I'm just going to focus on why I'm here and what's my legacy? What can I leave behind if it's not going to be my children? Maybe I can leave behind some beautiful artwork that people will appreciate after I'm going. It's weird because legacy wasn't a big word for me until I realized I might not have kids. And you realize that it doesn't matter because it's your life and it's about what you do every day. Every interaction that you have, I could be that woman who gives a stink face to the woman with her children in the grocery store, or I could say, 'Oh you have beautiful children.' and smile and leave that positive light because I do love everybody and I'm not jealous of other people's children. Because I've come to a point where I'm grateful for my blessings and love [all the children in my life]. I would do anything for anyone, it was a me thing it wasn't a them thing.
[21:54] Thank you so much for sharing that. I could feel my own emotions coming up and I honestly I wasn't expecting to react the way that I was as you were speaking, but it's so important because I love what you said, "Pain does birth purpose." I think there is some truth to that because not only is that pain... it depends, there are so many layers to it. But when you start to step back, you can really find that purpose through the pain. But if you're so focused on the pain and staying in that "victim mentality" you're not allowing that space and that processing of the pain to bring out that purpose. Like I said, there are so many layers there. And it's a very personal and imitate journey, and going through the layers, getting the help, doing the healing, I mean, I can only imagine how much growth happened in that short amount of time. It's only been a few years but to hear how far you've come since then, it's incredibly empowering. Your story is so empowering. I really am grateful for you sharing that, and feeling like you can share that, because what I think of when I see women like you, who have gone through traumas... it's just this beautiful and incredible story that helps me see someone that I can relate to, and someone I look up to, if they can do it, then so can I. And because you're holding the space for women and people, and using the platforms like my podcast and other shows, and your instagram page, and your kimonos... it's important and it's powerful and we need people like you in this world, so thank you so much again.
[24:24] I do have some fun questions I'd like to ask you about your story, I'm dying to know, what was the name of your band?
I was in a band in the states and we were called 'Jaded' I used to have major stage fright, I was always super shy as a kid, I was always so scared and nervous. Trust me, when I was little my mom used to try to get me up on stage in places and I used to get up and shake and freeze. And I still have to deal with that, that's still something else I've overcome, because I became a yoga teacher. When I became a yoga teacher I learned how to speak in front of people. But I'm telling you, my first few yoga classes I was stiff and scared and I did not know how to speak and I forgot all the things, but then again it's about moving into this space of the less you think, the more you're going to do well, and that's art.
So the band was called Jaded. and it was not my type of music, I'm a very Fleetwood Mac type of gal, I love the classic rock, and I love singer-songwriter and acoustic anything. And I was pretty much in an all girl heavy metal rock band. But hey! It was a platform where I could be someone else, like an alter ego and I could learn how to preform in front of people, so it was pretty cool and I wore leather freakin everything. My friends were like, 'What the heck is this!?' and I'm like, 'Just trust. I'm on a mission, I'm seeing if I can be a singer in a band.' The exciting thing is that I ended up going to singer-songwriter mode after I quit the band. I learned that I was not meant to do that. I tried, I gave it 135% or 3000% and the music industry wasn't for me. But I'm so proud of myself for trying and I recorded music and all those things.
[26:30] That's so amazing, and after this, I'm going to get you to send me some of your songs. LOL
What I also love about your journey that you share is that your 20's are this time for you to explore and try new things, and step into the possibility of becoming an all-leather wearing heavy metal rockstar? Yes I could! And it's that growth of getting out of your comfort zone and learning new things. It's really finally learning and creating who you are. And I love how through your journey, and through your story, you were always coming back to art in some way. That's what I wanted to ask you about next, is this healing power of art that you talk about and share.
[27:49] What I want to know is, what are some of the ways that we can bring out our inner artist, or our inner creator?
You know the first thing I would say, like anything else, you need to let go of your inhibition. You have to be free and open to experiment. A lot of people are trying to paint the perfect face or trying to paint something from nature. When I teach my art classes I start with an abstract approach. We just get the brush and focus on the pigment and wanter and just mix it and just watched what happens when you make a stroke. It seems like a junior way, but you kind of have to go back to the beginning to see what that paint does on its own. because abstract art is beautiful. People who are creating abstract art are making millions of dollars and they have no control over what they do, because it's really just about what the paint does. So I like people to stop and look at that. And just get out of your head. Leave your ego at the door, same thing when you do a yoga class.
You just have to let go and remember that you have to be open and free to what you're feeling that day. So whenever I get a little bit of inspiration, I do whatever that inspiration is calling me to do. When I'm stiff doing something, I'm not going to be really good at it. When you're trying to draw something and your hand is stiff, how are you going to make beautiful lines? You have to relax your hand, and just let it come out of you, loosen up, shake it out and that is when you're going to make beautiful art. When you're locked and tight and feeling like, "Oh I suck!" How are you going to make beautiful art then? It's a mindset of letting go and being free and just trusting that your hands just knows what to do.
[29:54] I think that's great advice, because I feel like the more rigid I am, and the more that my hand is stiff, it doesn't flow out of you like you said, and we're all creators inside so we just need to let it come out, right? How do we get ourselves out of that "I suck" or "I'm not good at art mindset?
I love this question because what's good art and what's bad art? Go look at what painting sold for $50 million and ask, is that good? I don't know... Art is in the eye of the beholder. For me I like to really just ask my students to really just feel the art. I know this is going to sound cheesy, but it's a creative experiment, and it's a release, so when you're feeling an emotion and you paint that emotion, it's going to dry and you're going to be like, "wow I did that?" It's all about doing it as much as you can until your feel comfortable. Once you feel comfortable holding the brush, mixing the paint, then you can start to experiment with more challenging tasks.
And that's why with my little IGTVs and tutorials, you have to be patient. It's steps. You will get there, just let go of thinking that you're good or bad, and do it for the process, as cheesy as that sounds. That's what it is. For me it's a release. Some people like to run 10k a day, I like to come home, listen to good music, and make a painting. And just like, let go and stop thinking about the world, and one thing that is so great about it, is that it takes you away from that to-do list, it takes you away from the stress of how you're going to pay that bill, it takes you away from thinking about someone you know who is really ill. It gets you out of the dark side and gets you into the light because you're creating. Sometimes you make something and you can't even believe you made it. The majority of my work I'm like, 'how the hell did I paint that?' I have no idea, but I did because I tried and I had a positive attitude.
[31:51] I love that, actually during one of your IG Lives when we did the rainbows, I actually make it into a card and gave that to a friend who lost their grandfather that week. It was really special for me to make something and put so much love into. I had never painted a rainbow before, and it sounds simple but it was meaningful. I liked that when people dm'ed you their paintings they were all beautiful and unique. Like you said, what is good art? I've been to places where there will be a huge canvas with a line painted through it, and I think 'well I could have done that!' So it's so funny.
What's on your playlist when you're creating art? What are some of the songs you're listening to?
Oh gosh! You know what I do is I have Title, so I just do that radio. I play one song and I just radio similar music. I find I'm discovering new music. But I am, again, a sucker for the classics. There's something about old music. I listen to The Beach Boys, and the old stuff, like Dirty Dancing soundtrack. I love old music, I don't know what it is!? I'm obsessed with Stevie Nicks, I just love her voice; Fleetwood Mac; and I love Sinéad Harnett. There's no music I don't love in all honesty. Anyway that's just a little bit of what I love!
[33:46] Love that! I would love to share any of your playlists if you have them. When we're ready to create, when we feel fired up I'm gonna put some good tunes on, where do we start when we step into this feeling of 'I'm going to be creating now' What do we do, where do we start?
So that's the hard part because I'm so glad I did quit my job and I did become an artist because you get a call to make art when you least expect it. You can have your paints set up and be ready to go, but you're just not feeling it that day, and that's just the reality of being an artist. I think that's the same for being a songwriter, or any medium. Some days just aren't your days. That's why there are so many other things to do when you do art as a business, like when I'm sitting here and I have that feeling come over my body and I'm like, 'I need to paint birds right now.' Like, I gotta stop what I'm doing and I have to go paint those birds! And I can have folders of inspiration of things to paint, but what I've learned as I've gotten more experienced is that maybe later I don't want to paint those.
What I learned when I was recovering from my car accident, I had this calling to paint butterflies. So I just had my stuff laid out on the table, and every time I had a calling I just went and grabbed my paintbrush and I painted something. And I would do it until I felt like I was done, and I would walk away. Then come back and paint another one. The nine magical butterflies were such a huge part of overcoming my trauma, and PTSD, and part of my future, and all the things, they saved me! And it's so weird because it's a painting, but that's when I realized the healing power of art, and magic, and mental health. and finding an outlet to release whatever you're feeling.
My suggestion to anyone who is like, 'where do I start?' is get the supplies and put them out and practice, and when you get that calling, just make sure things are nearby. Because sometimes you might allocate time to paint. And I can do it now because I have other things like original art pieces and prints for the kimonos, and different things I can paint. So I can do watercolour Wednesday, but sometimes in the middle of the night I want to get up in the middle of the night and paint something - I'm probably going to do it!
[36:33] Ya, love it. Just take action on it. If you're feeling that feeling just do it! And obviously, get the supplies ahead of time.
I want to talk about your butterflies. What are the 9 Magical Butterflies? What do they symbolize?
Basically it was TRANSFORMATION. I had to come from one place to another, and I didn't manifest this. I mean maybe I did, but I didn't know what I was doing. I just painted these butterflies and then I sort of decided to focus on something I needed to overcome while I was painting and creating the butterfly. I don't know why it was 9, I've never been attracted to the number 9, but when I painted the 9th butterfly I was done. And that was it. And then I went back and kind of dissected. So what they are, are basically steps to transforming any kind of rebirth you need in your life.
So when I painted the first one, it was the FREEDOM Butterfly. My first stop was that I [felt] so stuck. I couldn't get out of my head, I wanted to be someone I'm not, I didn't know why I was alive. It was all the darkest things, you go through so much trauma and your mind is crazy. Your mind says things to you that you don't want to hear. I just wanted to be free. I wanted to be free from hating myself because I didn't want to have children, and feeling inadequate as a human. Everyone can compliment you on all the things, but when there's something substantial that you just can't have, you don't care about [anything else]; you just hate yourself. How do I love myself again? and one of them was freedom to let go of - genuinely let go - of the things I can't change. And I can't change those things. I'm not a bad person because of those things, I need to remind myself that I have to have the courage to believe that life is still beautiful without the things that I thought I had to have. And believe or not it is. So the Freedom Butterfly is the first. And it's the most powerful butterfly because it just proves that you have the ability to admit that you want to change, that you want help.
[38:43] Then it goes onto the LOVE Butterfly. The Love Butterfly is you want to love yourself. You want to whole-heartedly love yourself so that other people can love you too. Because you cannot be loved without loving yourself. You're not really there. So once you have the freedom to let go, and once you accept that change, and trust in the Universe, then you have to love yourself. So that's the next butterfly.
[39:13] Butterfly number three is HEALING. Now that you've loved yourself, you have the ability to heal. You have the ability heal from all the things that make you uncomfortable. Sometimes you can't love other people because you don't love yourself but it's because you don't see what it is that's blocking you. So healing is cutting that cord. And allowing yourself to accept others for now the things you didn't love them. Knowing that you might not be able to change them, but you can still love them. So this brings in other people. Taking things slow, and trusting in the speed. You know, the butterfly doesn't know how long it's going to be in the cocoon for, the caterpillar doesn't know when it's going to come out, but when it's ready it does. So that's the healing. You have to just trust that you need time. And that's when I miracle happens. Miracles come from really hard things, right? People pray for a miracle when their life is falling apart, when they thing they're going to die. When they're going to pray to God, they're going to find a Higher Power. That's when miracles are going to come in. Miracles can change in the fourth butterfly. Now you're healing, you love yourself. I don't know where this came from, but it just came out of me one day and I do this once a year now, I go through my butterflies and I do a ceremony.
[40:39] Hope. Hope is keeping your spirit high, and finding a way to now achieve again. It's like, okay now I'm ready to believe that I can achieve great things. And maybe they weren't the things I originally thought, but what's my purpose? If you don't have something to hope for and dream for, then what's the point? So that's the next step.
[41:07] PEACE. Peace is forgiveness in yourself, it's being at a point where you're able to accept everything that you are. Peace is a very important butterfly because it's gratitude; gratitude for where I've come. Surrendering to the things that you are. Having Harmony in the world around you. Because we all have so many excuses, all the time, every day. Have peace with who you are. Even if you're in a wheelchair or you can't see, you can play the goddamn piano if that's what you're meant to do!
[41:55] PASSAGE. Passage is one of my favourite butterflies because we are ever transforming. We change every year, every month, every day. So passage is the butterfly still molding into its greatest self. This could be for someone going through a transformation in life, This could be for still overcoming. There's no sure thing, of I've accepted. You're still transitioning, you're still going through change. So it's they symbol to have positive intentions and a full heart and trust the process.
[42:38] The HAPPINESS Butterfly is one of my favourites because it's just choosing happiness. A reminder to choose happiness. So every day we come across a point where we can focus on the negative or we can focus on the positive. And it's never a good thing to focus on the negative - ever. Always choose to focus on the happiness. Because ya, someone cuts you off and you give them the finger, and swear at them, and call you husband and tell him how someone cut you off, go to the grocery store and tell the person in line and constantly carrying the negative. Or you could let that [person] in and give them a wave and you're automatically going to feel better. So it's like do that with your life in a general sense.
[42:23] And FRIENDSHIP is the final butterfly because you are friends with yourself, you're friends with the Universe, you're a companion, you're a comrade, you are able to be trusted. That's one of the hardest things like, are you trustworthy as a human? Why not? why yes? Are you loyal? Do you have love in your heart? Are you going to be there for someone? And in a world of being an entrepreneur and trying to embody female empowerment, there's room for all of us.
So one of the things that I love is lifting other people up and showing someone how to do something instead of saying, 'oh sorry hunny, figure it out on your own.' I'd rather always lift somebody up, I'd rather always be that person and know that all you have is your impression. Like when you're a kid and you have an idol and you meet your idol and see them doing something dark, that's it, they're not your idol anymore. it's over. I'd rather always lift someone up and be a positive force. And all those things are a choice. All of them. And trust me, life's not easy. Life is hard. My family's gone through some hard stuff, I've gone through some hard stuff, and just know that other people have too, and you're not alone. The world is full of hardship, we are all so blessed.
So this whole movement of my 9 Magical Butterflies is pretty much my motto for life. What I love is that with every chapter of this book, you can paint a butterfly. And it's different every time. I do it, and I paint butterflies like crazy because they're so beautiful and I do abstract, and I do real butterflies, but what I find is that, with each of these butterflies, you can read the book every year, it's kind of like a cleansing to transform. And every time you read it, you and you do the butterflies can have one goal. And you can do as many times to really fulfil the one goal. For me, this book healed me form infertility. Do I have children? No. Am I at peace? one million percent. Did I find my purpose? I sure did. Am I building it slowly and sustainably? Yes! Even if something else tragic happened I know that I overcame the last one, and this gives me hope that I will be able to overcome the next one.
[45:53] That's so beautiful, you didn't say this before. Are your 9 Magical Butterflies going to be a book?
Ya! I am almost finished my book, book is a big one! It takes a lot of editing, fine tuning, and a lot of focus. I've never been a writer, but I am a story teller, so however that comes out. I'm working with a really beautiful friend of mine, Karen and she is editing and is like my little fairy godmother pixie who takes it and cleans it up without taking away my voice. So that's the thing I really wanted this book to be really true to me and not influenced by anybody Elise because it came so organically that I want to be able to share and help other women overcome their obstacles and become their best selves.
You know, I just paint, and what I realized was that the one thing that made me heal, so I chose that blessing to make a formula to help other people. And you don't have to be good at art, that's the thing. This is for everybody: for people who are amazing at art, and for people who have never picked up a paintbrush. When I paint with my nieces, I just love how free they are. I want people to experience the freeness and not to do this for any other reason, but to just let go.
[47:32] Are you calling the book, 9 Magical Butterflies?
Yes, that is the book. It's basically like my story and a workbook. So the workbook is something you can do once, twice, a million times. But my story, goes deeper into each chapter of the book. So I really talk about where I had to overcome the things I've had to. It was hard to write, it was very emotional, I think I bawled my eyes out for every chapter.
And to go back a bit, I never wanted to share my fertility struggles. When I first made a post, it was an accident. I didn't want anyone to know that I couldn't have children, I was so ashamed, I was so embarrassed, I felt like a failure, again. It was an awful feeling. And I know that there's a lot of women out there who can relate with me because they just don't understand why. And when the doctor tells you it's unexplained and there's nothing we can do... What are you supposed to do? Jump off the frickin bridge? Because honestly, that's what it felt like. But instead, I was like, you know what, I'm going to write this post and I'm just going to say this is how I'm feeling for myself. I accidentally put it in Hoot Suite and I actually programmed it to be posted and I woke up, and I had my phone blowing up. And I shared that I had fertility struggles and I looked at my phone and I was like OH NO!!! I ran outside to [my husband] and I couldn't believe what I had done and I thought it was really wrong and I was so ashamed that I did the post and he hugged me and said he was so proud and how good I must have felt. and everyone was sending me dm's and telling me how much they love me. And I was so [surprised].
But if you share the things that are hurting you, you're going to heal. Like secrets aren't meant to be secrets, they're meant to save other people from their trauma. We need each other. The world needs each other because we've all gone through such hard stuff, and coming forward. That's the first step to healing. Hold that shit inside and you'll never fly. The weight will take you down too far. So that was a very pivotal moment to let people know how good it felt to that I'm not perfect at all. And then I wanted to start to share more, and talk to people who are really struggling and help them find another positive place to put their energy.
I didn't know I was going to share this much with you, but it's just so much apart of the book and the future, so pain births purpose people! The more pain, the better the story, the better the recovery. We got this.
[50:43] Ya, I love that, and I think it's perfect because it ties into what you said, we need to have that freedom butterfly first. We need to free ourselves from the shame and the holding onto the pain. It might take awhile to release, but if you're not allowing it. If you're not giving it that space to let go, the healing is going to take that much longer. WOW! I cannot wait for this book. When do you think we'll be getting it?
I actually have picked the release date. It's not until 2021, I have this whole beautiful project I'm doing surrounding it. So I said let's slow down and I picked September the 9th, and they're the 9 magical butterflies and September is the 9th month. The people 'm publishing with, they reached out to me. Honestly I had no idea but 9 is a magical healing number and this story is amazing, you have a book here. We want more. We want to hear about every chapter. That's how it came to be. Two years after I did the blogpost I'm realizing it. September 9th, 2021.
People who are interested [in the book] can go to my link in bio instagram.com/artofmarina and sign up for my 9 Magical Butterflies mailing list. I will have beautiful tools for people and a 9 week challenge where before you buy the book you can go on this journey with me, and I'll have videos as kind of a bonus before I release the book, so you can see if it's for them. And prepare you if you want to get your art supplies and things like that, you can be ready. It's a journey! And I just want to guide people to experimenting with art and mental health and finding their truest and deepest purpose.
[52:53] I love it! I'm definitely going to be signing up.
[54:13] I do want to talk about your brand a little bit before I let you go, but one of my favourite parts of your business is that you're Slow Fashion and that you care about the environment. This has been something that has really shifted for me as well. Tell me a little bit more about the sustainability of your brand.
Yes absolutely, so the whole concept is to wear smart and not fast fashion, like look at a product and see its originality and origin. So each of my pieces is designed and made with love and I use luxury sustainability. So really like eco friendly fibers biodegradable my inks are non toxic, they're slow fashion, like, people should understand and learn that term mass fashion is made from toxic inks. Master production synthetic fibers that will pollute the planet, and so on.
All my prints are engineered and designed as a placed fringe so essentially they fit each garment. I do not print bowls of fabric, when you put bolts of fabric, things are cut and there's ways there's waste in the, in the fabric there's waste in the inks. There's just waste. So when I, when I print each kimono they're printed separately and then they're sewn, so really it's just so like there's no waste.
And that makes a huge difference in the long run because not only is it ethical and sustainable it's non toxic games but now there's no waste so really you're buying a piece of art, you're buying something that will last and, you know, environments thought about.
We use mulberry silk, and we use model. Model is made from beech wood trees, so it's also like eco friendly and biodegradable it's cooling and antibacterial, so it was silk mulberry silk is the best silk it's just beautiful on the skin it cools it doesn't make you sweat up like, if you see like a kimono that's made out of like a poly silk. I'm breathable, you will sweat, it's, it's not good for the environment it's like man made fibers it's all the bad day, so it's luxury, and it's beautiful. And we're original so my, my art is my art, nobody else has it, I make limited quantities of my kimonos and most of them are made to order. So, next year I'll be releasing all new prints so all the ones I have right now will no longer be available. And it's just the wife couldn't create new, and then you'll realize when you own one of my pieces that it might never come back real numbers and I will have, you know, limited edition so 100 of each print, but these are all stepping stones and that's where I want to get to.
My values, align with the planet. So, obviously, as I mentioned in the beginning of our reporting is just the ocean, the sea, the animals that thrive in the world, and on our planet are my inspiration, so of course I want to keep the planet healthy and vibrant three years and I want my kids to go to Hanauma Bay and Hawaii and snorkel and actually see fish and I want, you know, the sharks to stay in the ocean and not be just taken out for their fingers like I want the planet to stay beautiful so once I have a profitable company to the point where I can give back. I will be giving back to those charities so sciama, you know, clean water programs so I'm resourcing and finding sorry not resourcing I'm sourcing and learning and educating on where that money will go because there's so much charity that it's hard to find the right ones so as I'm growing and I've doubled my you know revenue last year even through a pandemic people are supporting local and it's amazing. So now I'm like Okay How can I not just be organic and ethical but how can I now give back to the planet, and obviously it's going to be related to the ocean and the seas, and the animals that thrive there because that's what inspires me the most.
[58:32] Because that's what inspires me the most. I love that that's so perfect so actually last year I dedicated the entire year to not buying any clothes because I was so appalled by how many clothes I had and how much of it was fast fashion. And I just kept telling myself like, I don't need another pair of yoga pants like I don't need any more clothes. I can't keep looking at this massive closet full of clothes and saying, I have nothing to wear like ice there's so many options, why, why am I feeling programmed to to believe this so I dedicated the entire year to not buying any clothes and it wasn't as hard, it was, it was crazy like it wasn't as hard as I thought it was gonna be but it was really interesting and how like I had to really prepare like I had to like unsubscribe from different clothing stores and different and unfollow different pages online and then I really wanted one of your couple knows, and I was kind of like well it's supporting local business. But then I found out about your sustainability and how yours, like it's slow fashion and I was like okay well you know what this is something that is, it's something so beautiful It's art. And now that I have it like I love the way it feels. It's so beautiful. It feel I feel good to wear it and it was one of those things where I'm like I bought this knowing that I'm supporting your friend I'm supporting a local business.
I'm not contributing to environmental waste like I would have if I bought fast fashion. And the way that it makes me feel and it's like that intention behind what you're purchasing and it's made me more mindful so I absolutely love it and I'm like, I want all of your pieces. I don't know if I can afford every single one of them and I'm like oh no, don't, don't, don't get rid of all the prints because I love them so much but I also can't wait to see what else you create because I know which is going to be so amazing so thank you for sharing that. And I noticed that a lot of your pieces have to do with like nature, whether it's flowers or palms waves, and even animals in nature but is there anything else, or someone or something else that inspires you to create or something right now maybe that's going on.
[1:00:48] 100% I started with fashion illustration right so when I was younger, I've always been obsessed with beautiful women. I've always been obsessed with the women like I just love femininity, like my favorite artists were Alphonse mukha from, you know, like that our new bow style with the lady is four seasons and the women with fruit everywhere and hair. So, an all and to slip track with like dancers and Edgar Degas with the ballerinas like I've always been attracted to femininity. So, my first ever inspiration were models in magazines like I just was an author of beauty so that's where I started drawing was like I wanted to try to draw the faces.
And I've always had role models and even though my mom's friends growing up, I'd be like Auntie, you know, Carrie who and Auntie, you know, Lou who would come over and those women would inspire me I've always been really attracted to the power of feminine energy. So, I'm part of my concept is girl power. Wearing magical capes that make you feel beautiful female empowerment quote. So I started drawing up my, I'm not a type I request I just scribble out, you know, the future is female and all that powerful feminine clothes that I put them up in those style, more than my watercolors so it's kind of amazing that female and feminine energy is a huge part of my inspiration. So, I want to just constantly attract people who have positive intentions and core values and, and always just be a female feminist power empowerment section where planet major I'm a nerd sure I'm not a mother but I want to nurture the planet with love. And so that's my way of being mom kinda because it like I have my animals and love just inspiring others, and so yeah female empowerment women of all ethnicities.
I love painting. Every single woman on the planet so if you go through my Instagram you'll see there's all times. And then, I like the fantasy aspects. So mermaid unicorn, and to be. I was very much in love with all the Disney movies like Cinderella, and the Little Mermaid. I definitely still have that magic in my heart and I like to create the unicorns and all things like that because I do have a fancy side so that's about it it's a little bit fancy a little bit of answer and a whole bunch of girl power.
[1:03:36] Amazing, totally perfect for for the show. Okay, let's get into our rapid fire round I'm gonna ask you four questions, are you ready?
I think so I had notes with like stuff that I don't know I'm just gonna freestyle this.
RAPID FIRE ROUND:
[1:03:49] Even better. Question number one, what are you currently reading or what's your favourite book?
Okay, so I just read Untamed, Glennon Doyle, I read a Marie Forleo's Everything is Figureoutable and all those last two that I read. I'm into these like Girl Power stuff and both amazing books.
My favorite book is probably The Alchemist, just love that book I read it all the time, every few years. And I also love a good bio so one that really resonated with me was Phil Knight's Shoe Dog is the story of Nike, and I just loved how he had kind of the same. There's a lot of similarities in the two of us. Obviously I didn't create Nike, but I loved that it was a journey of one man, and it took a whole bunch of people to get to where you want to go. Well, and believe in themselves, that takes a lot arresting a business owner and spent a lot of money and I believe in myself so that was a really great book to read about true story about an entrepreneur. But Glennon Doyle is like my favourite now, I'm obsessed with her.
[1:04:54] Question number two, what are you currently working toward?
Oh, I'm working on my book. I'm trying to build this store in the wine country of Naramata. A little bit of licensing or learning about sharing my art with other people and opportunities, and I'm really trying to do more collaboration. So, I would love to make Kimon's like visco kimonos, or other women, like, I want to make one out if there's somebody out there who wants a custom kimono come to me it's not always about making a line so I really want to work with strong powerful women and make them their magical cape that they can wear on stage or wear at home in their house, or you know whatever sore more collaborations with awesome women.
[1:05:50] I love that I have some ideas, and I will talk about them later. Question number three, what do you love most about being a woman?
Oh, that's a tough one, I can't believe I didn't know that question was coming. What I love most about being a woman is my feminine energy. It's my ability to love. It's m heart. I cry all the time, I am very passionate, I love to nature.
[1:06:22] Question number four: What does empowerment mean to you?
It means staying true to who you are, no matter if it feels wrong. Glennon Doyle talks a lot about that in Untamed. So for me it's like, even if everyone else doesn't agree with you but you truly believe in what it is. Stand true to yourself. That's the empowerment.
[1:06:48] Thank you so much Marina!
INSTAGRAM | @artofmarina
SHOP/WEBSITE
www.valerielavignelife.com/95 for full show notes
Hello and welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast. Today we welcome another full moon, which is the September Full Corn Moon! In today’s episode I will be sharing the significance of this moon phase, and how to deepen your full moon ritual. I’ll also touch on some of the things we should avoid doing during the full moon time.
[00:57] Whether you have a full moon practice, you’re looking to mix things up, or you’ve never heard of a full moon ritual before, this episode is for you! I’ll keep the information clear, simple, and with a few options to deepen your practice if you choose.
Although the full moon is highly recognized and significant, it is really the whole cycle of the moon that is most relevant and important.
[1:21] Starting with the NEW MOON, sometimes known as the DARK MOON: a time of new beginnings and to set intentions of what you wish to manifest for the full moon
Next is the CRESCENT MOON: which is the lunar light and energy building, known as waxing. The energy is forward moving and attracting.
The energy grows through the FIRST QUARTER MOON and the GIBBOUS MOON.
Then the FULL MOON arrives. It is a time for us to GROUND, NOURISH, & RELEASE. It’s a great time for charging, healing, and developing intuition.
After the full moon, the waning phase begins and the moon appears to decrease. This is the time to reflect on what we have built during the waxing phase as well as let go of anything that no longer serves us, anything that doesn’t feel good.
This is during the GIBBOUS and THIRD QUARTER MOON where we can tie up our loose ends, and release anything holding us back.
[2:36] The full moon is a very magical, and beautiful time, but there are some things we do NOT want to be doing during this phase!
This is not the time to start something new. Your full moon is more of a time to rest, reflect, and release. Use the new moon phase (in about 2 weeks) to start your new project. For now, feel free to journal your ideas and come back to them around the new moon.
As a business owner and entrepreneur, I understand the grit and hustle that goes into your passion and business. I know people who say they traded their 9-5 for a 24/7, but during the full moon we must give ourselves permission to rest. Slow down, disconnect, take a break. Do what you can to unwind. Even if it’s just for today.
The full moon is a time to celebrate your wins! In the past two weeks: What have you achieved? What have you built? How have you grown? Use the magnified energy of this moon phase to celebrate instead of stress!
Speaking of stress… the full moon can be a very heavy and emotional time. Intense emotions can sometimes lead to quick reactions, and now is not the time to be making any big or life-altering decisions. Keep coming back to rest and healing. Feel the feels and make your bigger decisions in a couple of days.
Now that we know what not to do during the full moon, let’s take a look at what we CAN DO! I will share five full moon rituals and some of the ways you can deepen them. These rituals can be done separately, or all together. You can pick and choose which ones you’d like to do. Intuitively decide which ritual is best for you and your full moon practice.
[4:47] The first is a MEDITATION RITUAL
Meditating during the full moon is an incredible way to harness the lunar energy and tap into the moon’s luminous power.
- Find a comfortable seat where the light of the moon is visible. Take seven deep breaths.
- Close your eyes and visualise the moonlight filling the room you’re in, and covering your body.
- Bring your awareness to your breathing and think about the intentions you set during the new moon. If you didn’t set any, or you can’t remember, that’s okay. Set an intention now of how you want to feel for the next two weeks.
- Visualise the glittery white moonlight washing over your body, purifying your mind, and enveloping your spirit. Feels it’s cleansing light wash away any feelings that aren’t serving your intention.
- Sit in your meditation practice for as long as you wish, repeating the practice a few hours before or after the full moon.
- When you are ready to end your practice, take seven deep breaths holding your hands at your heartspace. Gently bring your attention back to your seat, and the room that you are in and open your eyes.
Ways to deepen your full moon meditation ritual
#1 Meditate under the direct moonlight to intensify the practice and tap into the moon’s energy
#2 Use essential oils for breath-work
LEMONGRASS "The Oil of Cleansing"
THYME "The Oil of Releasing & Forgiving"
FRANKINCENSE "The Oil of Truth"
CYPRESS "The Oil of Motion & Flow"
[12:00] The second full moon ritual is a WRITING RITUAL
Writing is a powerful tool for releasing what we no longer need. You can do this ritual in a special moon cycle journal, or using a loose piece of paper. First, place your hands over your journal or paper and take seven deep breaths repeating your intention between each inhalation and exhalation.
After your intention has been set begin to put pen to paper and write down anything and everything you want to release from your life. You can do this in a list form, or write all over the page, or one word in a big letter size.
Ways to deepen your full moon writing ritual
#1 I recommend writing 1-2, maybe 3 words maximum on the paper or page. Sometimes when we’re trying to release too much, we feel overwhelmed and fearful. Remember that there will be another full moon in one month’s time and we can let go of anything else then.
#2 Destroy your paper. Burn it, drown it, rip it up into tiny little pieces and throw it in the trash! As you’re destroying your paper say aloud: “I release you! You are free and I am free, thank you for your time with me!”
[13:43] The third full moon ritual is a MOON BATH RITUAL
As I mentioned before the moon is very much connected to our emotions, and also the water element. Connecting with this lunar energy is one of my favourite full moon rituals, and it’s also very simple.
Collect your favourite crystals, candles, bath salts, and essential oils (my favourite for this one is dōTERRA’s Balance Blend). Draw this healing bath on or around the full moon, placing the salts and essential oils inside the bath. Use the candles and crystals around the tub.
While you're in the bath say your full moon intention aloud. Allow yourself to relax in the water feeling yourself submerging in the water and energy of the full moon.
Ways to deepen your full moon bath ritual
#1 Use moon water. To collect moon water you will need a glass jar with a lid and filtered water. Place the filtered water in a jar and seal it with a lid. Then leave the jar in the full moonlight overnight to “charge.” The next day you can drink the moon water, or add some or all of it to a bath following the night of the full moon into the waning phase. Remember this part of the lunar cycle is all about releasing, letting go, and tying up loose ends. Your bath ritual can continue for several days after the full moon.
#2 Take a dip in an outdoor pool, lake, or ocean. Bathing in the light of the moon that directly hits the water you’re in.
[16:04] The fourth full moon ritual is a FULL MOON CIRCLE or CEREMONY
Whenever I think of celebrating I also think of sharing with like minded friends! Why not amplify the full moon energy with a group of people who want to share the experience.
Earlier this year my friend Candice and I hosted some virtual gatherings for the full moon and it was a really wonderful way to charge and release with others.
You can make the circle or ceremony as simple or as creative as you wish! The key pieces to include are: intention setting, active listening to everyone in the circle, and a way for everyone to release together. This could be through writing and ripping up your journaling ritual. It could be through movement like yoga or dance, or perhaps music and sound.
Perhaps everyone lights a candle at the beginning of the ceremony and puts the candle out together after the ceremony.
Ways to deepen your full moon circle
#1 Pull Tarot or Oracle Cards. If you like to pull cards, why not bring a special deck to the ceremony? Set an intention with the group and allow each person to pull a card. Depending on the intention the card can signify what they must focus on, a special message for this time, or perhaps something the person can release. Have everyone take a photo of their card and journal about what the card means to them before returning it to the deck.
#2 Charge crystals, cards, keepsakes, or special trinkets. Create a physical circle with your group and lay a sacred circle blanket or cloth down in the middle, creating an altar. Have everyone add their special belongings to the center of the circle so that they can charge and absorb the energy of the full moon and the group during the ceremony.
[18:22] The fifth and final full moon ritual I will share to day is a MOON WISHES MANIFESTATION RITUAL
A popular theme during the full moon is manifesting. This helps to anchor your intention and bring your new moon desires to fruition. You will need paper, writing utensils, box or a jar, candles and a lighter or matches.
Begin by lighting a candle, bringing your awareness to the flame. Focus your mind on the flame and take seven deep breaths allowing any distracting thoughts to float away. Then bring your attention to your full moon intentions. Think about what you would like to release, and what you would like to attract into your life.
Write on your paper the things you would like to manifest or attract into your life over the next two-four weeks. These are your full moon wishes. Place your wishes someplace meaningful, like a beautiful box or a decorated jar. Set the jar or box outside in the moonlight. You can also set the box or jar on a windowsill. Blow out your candle.
In the morning, bring the wishes back inside and place them somewhere out of sight, but also somewhere you will remember to get them on the next full moon. Yes, I did say out of sight! Remember, the full moon is all about letting go! And the key to manifesting is to release your wishes and know that THEY ARE COMING! You don’t have to keep wishing, you now have to trust that your wishes - or something better - is on their way!
When the next full moon arrives, look at your moon wishes from the previous month. Did they come to fruition? Did something better come? What can you release this month to make room for your wishes?
Ways to deepen your full moon manifestation ritual
#1 Journal about the moment you receive your wish. Go into detail about what this manifestation looks like, sounds like, feels like, smells like, tastes like. Who are you with? Where are you? What emotions come up for you? Go into as much detail as you can and really embody the wish as if you already have it.
Talking about these rituals gets me so excited to celebrate today’s full moon! I’ve actually just thought of the perfect jar I want to use for my full moon wishes. I am surprised I haven’t already used this one before, but it popped into my head just now and I am excited to charge it tonight!
[21:20] At the beginning of this episode I mentioned that tonight’s moon is called the Full Corn Moon. But what does that even mean? Well there are different names and meanings of traditional full moons that correspond to each month. Let’s go through each of them briefly.
January - Wolf Moon: Gather with your wolf pack and hold precious energies close as resources may be scarce now. Take a look at what’s holding you back and make plans for how you can overcome personal challenges. Step into your wild self and howl at the full wolf moon!
February - Snow Moon: Time to hibernate and turn inward. Search within yourself to uncover your deepest wishes and dreams for the future seasons. Forgive and let go so that you can move forward with a love-filled heart.
March - Worm Moon: The final moon of winter, shifting energy into spring. Hold steady as the storm passes. Decide what you will leave behind as you enter into a new season. Look for the reminders of renewed life to motivate your forward motion. Feel deep gratitude for all that has brought you to the present moment.
April - Pink Moon: Charge your crystals, cards, and water, and restore balance in your life. This moon allows deep healing to begin as you release pent up emotions and negativity being stored in your body. Increase your positivity and healing by connecting to nature and gathering goodness.
May - Flower Moon: Abundance surrounds you as everything is now in bloom! The possibilities for your future are endless so keep your eyes and heart on your goals. While staying open to how they will manifest for you. Incorporate your favourite flowers or essential oils into your rituals this month. My favourite are aura baths! Sprinkle flower petals into your moon bath!
June - Strawberry Moon: The sweetness of summer is here! The longer days allow you to see everything more clearly, both the good and the bad. Stay accountable and take responsibility for mistakes. Incorporate sweetness into your rituals like fruits, warm tones, or treats. Cleanse and purify yourself of emotional clutter so that you can bloom as your best self!
July - Buck Moon: Embody the energy, strength and growth of the great deer. How have you grown this year? Celebrate your success under the full moon. Harness your heightened power, grabbing opportunities by the antlers and ride the momentum!
August - Sturgeon Moon: Reflection, learning, and wisdom. What have you learned from the journey up to this point? What wisdom will help you continue on this path of growth? Use the resources you’ve gained to prepare you for your future and the upcoming months.
September - Corn or Harvest Moon: Celebrate and reap the rewards of all your work! Connect to deep gratitude for the abundance in your life, remembering that you have everything you need right now.
October - Hunter’s Moon: Reflect on the summer months and build healthy habits for the long winter to come. Stock up on emotional and spiritual inspiration and positivity. It is time to work on your deep spiritual growth.
November - Beaver Moon: The season is shifting and it is time to reflect on your losses, both good and bad. Remember that the cycle of life includes death. Release and make room for a new birth.
December - Cold Moon: This is the final moon of the year. It is a time of deep rest, resetting and major self care. Hibernate this full moon and know that this is a time to reflect on the last 12 months and a rebirth of new. Recharge and energize during this celebration. Good things are coming
Happy full moon! Have an incredible time celebrating and manifesting and letting go!
Love and lunar light everyone!
Free Healthy Habits Checklist + Full Show Notes available at ww.valerielavignelife.com/94 Today I’m sharing some of my favourite natural tools and solutions to support healthy daily habits and rituals. I’ll be sharing the products, how I use them, and also how you can get yours if you are someone who is ready to elevate your everyday health and wellness!
[1:09] The products in today’s episode are some of dōTERRA’s most popular oils and products, and the kit they are packaged in is part of our team’s annual Healthy Habits Program. Each year we run a Healthy Habits Program using these products, and a few others. Consider today a sneak peak or introduction into the program and the products it’s based around. Let’s jump into the Healthy Habits Collection! This kit includes five life changing essential oils including a unique grounding blend that smells like a magical forest. It also has five supplements for foundational nutrition and health, and lastly it includes everyone’s favourite natural muscle rub. This Healthy Habits Collection is available in the US and Canadian market, however I encourage purchasing from the US warehouse as it includes the fifth supplement that the Canadian warehouse does not yet have. SHOP THE HEALTHY HABITS COLLECTION HERE For those of you who don’t already know me, my name is Valerie LaVigne. I am a Health Coach, Business Owner, and lover of life. When people ask me to help them live a healthier lifestyle, the first thing I ask them is: “How much water do you drink every day?” You would be amazed by how many of us are chronically dehydrated. You’ll be even more amazed at what happens when you start drinking the correct amount of quality water your body needs daily. Yes it can be THAT SIMPLE (sometimes). [2:50] Drink More Quality Water Drink at least half your bodyweight in ounces of water per day. If you need a reminder, there is a Water Reminder App, you can set up your own reminders to track your progress. If you’re hungry between or right after a meal, it’s usually because you’re thirsty. Drink up! dōTERRA’s citrus oils are incredible and cleansing when you add them to your water! They have a chemical constitution called limonene in them. Lemon comes in the Healthy Habits kit, but you could also use Wild Orange, Green Mandarin, or my favourites: Grapefruit and Tangerine! Some other popular oils to add to water are Smart + Sassy and Peppermint! I add 1-2 drops of oil per Litre of water. Any time you’re adding oils to your water, you must use your glass or stainless steel water bottle. No plastic! You can add on additional citrus oils to your purchase if you like. [4:23] Now the true foundation to health and wellness is nutrition, which is why I take dōTERRA’s Lifelong Vitality Pack aka LLV daily. Hello amazing daily supplements! After a few weeks of consistently taking these natural solutions, you may notice more energy, less pain, glowing skin, and stronger nails! I’ve noticed so many different areas of my body improving after taking these supplements, like less sugar cravings and more mental energy. This package of three supplements was designed to be the perfect compliment of a balanced wholefood diet with the nutrient equivalent of 12 servings of fruits and veggies in every serving. LLV Testimonials The first of these three powerhouse supplements is the Microplex VMz This is a complete vitamin mineral. It’s “complete” because the body is able to digest it AND use all the vitamins. The body treats it, absorbs it, and eliminates it just like it does with food. Microplex VMz solves the absorption issues of vitamins and minerals in other supplements by using a glycoprotein matrix to help the body absorb vitamins, and chelated minerals (meaning the minerals bound to an amino acid). Basically it makes the supplement recognizable as food nutrients. Some of the many vitamins and minerals in this supplement are: vitamins A, D, E, C and B, and minerals calcium, magnesium, and zinc. The second supplement in the LLV Pack is xEO Mega Say hello to the ONLY omega supplement I have ever finished an entire container of. I used to dislike fish and would try to supplement it with omegas and I honestly tried them all. The fish burps, the chalky tablets, the liquid versions, the flavoured versions - GROSS. ALL OF THEM. I eventually just started eating fish because I hated the supplements I was trying… UNTIL dōTERRA’s xEO Mega! It’s combination of sea and land based Omega 3’s - which are crucial for our brains, and unique blend of essential oils (clove, frankincense, thyme, cumin, wild orange, peppermint, ginger, caraway, and german chamomile) add antioxidant protection - and the best part. No nasty burps! This supplement is also available in the vegan package, however not part of the Healthy Habits Kit. And finally the Alpha CRS+ A super powerful antioxidant that also gives us energy at the cellular level = natural energy for consistently feeling good :) No energy drink sugar crashes after those garbage (fake) energy boosters. The Alpha CRS+ stimulates overall cellular health which protects our DNA from being attacked by damaging free radicals. [7:54] TerraZyme This supplement supports healthy digestion and metabolism of enzyme-deficient, processed foods. You want to take 1 capsule with each meal, possibly two if your meal is mostly cooked or processed so that the food nutrients get properly absorbed. TerraZyme also supports the conversion of food nutrients to cellular energy and promotes comfort for mild food intolerances. It contains a proprietary blend of 10 active whole-food enzymes that help your body digest complex carbs, fats, sugars, fiber, and proteins! [8:31] PB Assist+ Probiotic This supplement is available in the US version of the kit, however it is not yet available in Canada. Canadian dōTERRA current or new members can access the US kit through the US warehouse. What I love about this probiotic is it has both pro AND pre biotic fibers that are double encapsulated for better absorption in the needed areas of the GI tract. They also look really cool and a little alien-like from other supplements you have have used or seen. AND you don’t have to keep them in the fridge! Which is amazing because I always forgot to take supplements I had to keep in the fridge. PB Assist+ promotes balance and proliferation of beneficial bacteria. It helps to maintain healthy intestinal microflora balance. The way I like to explain is, is that this keeps the flowers in your belly garden happy and healthy. [9:46] Daily healthy habits are not only what you’re putting into your body, but also how you are moving your body. Daily movement is key in creating a healthy lifestyle, as I always say, “a body in motion, stays in motion.” Getting into a movement practice is a lot easier than it sounds. Most people overthink or over complicate starting a new workout routine or fitness schedule, but really it’s super simple, and the key is finding an exercise you love! Personally, I really enjoy lifting weights at the gym. I also love yoga and pilates. I do not do well in Zumba, but once in a while I’ll pop into a spin class. Since I’m not very consistent with spin, it’s a little add on when I can, and I focus on getting to the gym instead. Now that we have chosen our favourite workout style, we can create a realistic routine. Take a peek at your calendar and see if there are any gaps where you can schedule a workout in. Start with 2-3 times per week. If this is new for you, I recommend investing in a personal trainer, or signing up for group classes in advance. Keeping your schedule the same every week will help you make your workouts a habit. Be kind to yourself and do your best. Remember, you’re just starting out! If your body isn’t used to lots of movement and/or exercise, your muscles will probably start telling you about. Which is why I LOVE dōTERRA’s Deep Blue Rub! The Deep Blue Rub is a blend of different essential oils including: Wintergreen, Camphor, Peppermint, Ylang Ylang, Helichrysum, Blue Tansy, Blue Chamomile, and Osmanthus blending together in a convenient and soothing cream. This rub provides a comforting sensation of cooling and warmth to problem areas. You can apply this to your feet and knees before or after exercise. My boyfriend loves this rub before because he says it helps him to activate his muscles. I enjoy the rub post because I like the cooling and soothing sensation. It’s also great when you massage it into the neck and shoulders after a long day of work to ease muscle tension. [12:22] Now I mentioned the Healthy Habits Collection also contains different essential oils and essential oil blends. If you’ve been listening to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, you’ll know that I teach a lot about essential oils and how to use them, so I will include those previous episodes in the show notes for you if you want to go back and re-listen. Or if you’re new to the show and you want some more information, everything you need can be found in the episodes listed below: E90: Q&A: dōTERRA & Essential Oils E88: Elevate Your Daily Routine with Essential Oils E80: Q&A: My Monthly Wellness Boxing's E76: Green Cleaning with Essential Oils E49: Raising Your Vibration with Essential OilsE35: The Simplest Ways to Use Your Essential Oils E32: Summer Essentials to Optimize Your Health E24: Natural Solutions: Informed Self Care E23: Natural Solutions: Reduce Synthetic Exposure E22: Natural Solutions: Rest & Stress Management E21: Natural Solutions: Nutrition & Exercise E09: Top 10 Essential Oils Master Class E02: Hormone Essentials [12:52] Let’s talk about The Oils that come in the kit! The first is Lavender. Most people have heard of, and could probably recognize this scent. What you may not know is that Lavender essential oil is known as “The Swiss Army Knife” of essential oils because it has SO MANY USES! I will include more information about lavender in the Healthy Habits Checklist freebie available in the show notes page for you. One of the most common uses of lavender is for its calming effect. You can add a few drops to your diffuser before bed, or place a drop on your pillow as part of your evening ritual. This helps with the transition from a busy day to a restful night. Lemon is also part of the Healthy Habits Collection. It is one of my most used oils because I love the smell so much, and it’s great for making household cleaners! There are heaps of uses for lemon oil that I have put in the Healthy Habits Checklist (Big Yellow Button Below) but my most favourite lemon oil hack is when I need to get something sticky off a surface! For example a price tag that leaves goo on a new flower pot. Or when you miss the mail person and the sticker they leave on the window leaves guck when you take it off. SImply add 5-8 drops of lemon EO onto a piece of paper towel and gently rub until the goo is gone! You might need a few more drops depending on the stickiness of the goo. The “King of Essential Oils” is Frankincense and a small bottle of this oil is included in the Healthy Habits Collection. This oil is POWERFUL! It has many uses including soothing and warming the body, as well as helping glowing skin, and balancing mood. This oil is a wonderful companion to lavender in the diffuser before bed, or with lemon in the diffuser throughout the day for a fresh and warm mood boosting scent. The Healthy Habits Collection comes with two different essential oil blends. The first is On Guard. This is also known as dōTERRA’s Protective Blend as it was designed to support immunity and fight harmful germs. I use On Guard and Lemon together in all purpose cleaning spray as it is safe and great for green cleaning kitchen surfaces. It’s wonderful in the diffuser and has a warm and spicy aroma. Balance Blend is the other of the essential oil blends in the Healthy Habits Collection. This is also known as the Grounding Blend and it was the first of dōTERRA’s oils that I truly fell in love with. You see, the reason why I got into essential oils in the first place was because I was searching for a holistic approach to coping with anxiety. I started with the aromatherapy oil collection and really loved those oils, however something shifted deeply within me when I was introduced to Balance blend. I’m not sure what it was, but I’ll call it love at first smell! I diffused this all day every day, and I would put a drop on the bottoms of my feet morning and night. It was an absolutely life-changing ritual for me that really helped me with my anxious feelings. I am still very much in love with this blend and I always recommend it to friends who are looking to find some relaxation and stability. It’s so simple to incorporate and very gentle and supportive. I’ll share more information about this blend and the other oils in the Healthy Habits Checklist (Big Yellow Button Below) [16:33] If you’re listening to this podcast episode and you’re thinking, “OH EM GEE this all sounds amazing and I would LOVE to get these natural tools into my home!” You can go to the show notes page and at the bottom you will see a link with information on how to join our essential oil community. When you purchase this collection through my link you will be sent the products I talked about today. Please send me an email with a picture or copy of your receipt so that I can support you in the products you purchased. You can refer back to this episode and the Healthy Habits Checklist (Big Yellow Button Below) as a guide for the specific oils and supplements I discussed today. How to Join the VLL Essential Oil Community! If you have any more questions you can contact me through my contact page. I would be happy to answer any of your questions!
Full show notes available at: www.valerielavignelife.com/sonia
Sonia is a life and leadership coach who helps ambitious women who are feeling unsure and frustrated figure out who they are and what they want.
Sonia also works with organizations to grow and develop leaders and teams to reach higher levels of impact through engagement.
[00:59] Welcome to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast Sonia, I am so thrilled to have you on the show! Thank you for being here. Can you share with us, in your own words, who you are and what you do? This first thing that comes to mind, is that I am somebody who my entire life has known what I wanted. It's very easy for me to know, so I'm very ambitious but I am also very clear. I am 32, I am single and ready to mingle - depending on who it is. What I do is I'm a Leadership and Life Coach, that's one part of the work that I do, and the other part is Corporate Facilitator/Trainer so I do a lot of work in the GTA/Toronto, Ontario area. Basically I'm all about transformation. So what that means is I give people an experience where they can come together, feel connected, learn form each other, be vulnerable with each other. I create these spaces so that people can feel comfortable enough to go there, and that's what leads to the transformation they're seeking. In a nutshell that's what I do and how I do it. [2:45] What I love about your story, and your journey is that it’s powerful and relatable. Walk us through your business journey: beginning, middle, and where you are today. Before I started my business officially, I was working in corporate in different companies in Ontario, Canada. Kind of as a HR person and Training and *Development Specialist - that's what I went to University for. And I started to notice, in any company that I was in, I felt - and when I say this it's both me and the organization, I'm not blaming one person or the other - but I always felt a lack of respect, I felt not being seen all the time, I felt disconnected to people, it was very competitive. You would ask for things like "can I take this course for $200, I've been here for three years?" and the answer would be "No, we don't have money in the budget for you." So inequality, because you'd see people in other roles getting what they want; at least that's how it seemed. I didn't want to feel the lack of respect and the lack of value any longer and the lack of integrity. This went on for a while. By the time I turned 25 years old, and I'm 32 now, I kind of had my "spiritual awakening" so to speak, where I was becoming more conscious with what was going on with me and outside of me. I didn't know who to seek to for support, I didn't have a coach, I couldn't really reach out to my family because they're very conservative Italian first generation type of thing. So I ended up working with a councillor. I remember going in and saying, "I have reached my quarter life crisis and I don't know what to do!" It was all of this stuff with the guys I was dating, my friends were being dramatic, and [the councillor] was like, "Whoa!" It started with my lack of boundaries, it started with, this is how I'm feeling about this, this is how it's impacting me, this is what I need. I was very passive aggressive, I didn't know how to manage my emotions. It was like going to basecamp at 25 of things that I just didn't learn as a kid/child/adolecent. So that's when I started to really uncover and really be aware of what was going on with me as a person, and also how the outside world, beyond me, was then reflecting what was going on inside of me. And that's a really tough pill to swallow. Because as much as I wanted to blame other people, you kind of have to look within the self and what's going on. Twenty-five was my rude awakening, and also becoming more conscious at the same time. Also putting some pieces back together from my own journey. I remember what sparked the business idea for me. I had hired someone for the company to deliver a training workshop for us. She came in, we interviewed her, she was charging a lot of money, I watched one of her workshops, and I was like, "WOW! This seems really easy for her and she's very talented about this facilitation skill." And me and her had a really good working relationship, she ended up being my mentor, I now currently work for her, we met in 2012. She really encouraged and inspired me to be A) Happy in my work, because I was not. I remember her saying to me one day, "It doesn't have to be so stressful, and it's okay to find work that you actually love doing." And I was just like "Whoa. Why is nobody telling me this?" Because everyone was like, "No just stick with it! You have a stable job, you're making good money! It's so hard to find a job in this market!" All the negative stuff people project on you. But something inside of me was saying, 'There's got to be a way to do this, why is this so hard?" Fast forward... I did a few contract jobs in between, but I also started to create my own content and leveraged my own network and reached out to people telling them about what I wanted to do, and asked if there was any space in their organization for something like this? Along the way a few people helped me out. They helped me build my portfolio and build my brand, and I got payed for it, so that was pretty cool too! Here we are today, I am a certified coach, I work with a number of organizations. I get to work 1:1 with clients and really coach them, and really show people my message: you don't need to settle for mediocrity. You don't need to settle. I always thought I had to settle because a lot of people in my life were telling me, "This is how you should do life; this is what's expected of you; who are you to want more?" But when you go and move towards [what you really want], you realize slowly but surely, it really is possible. So that's what I teach others now. [10:54] Knowing what you do now, what would your best advice be to your younger self, when you were just starting out? I would say, laughs* I think there's a lot I would say, but what comes to mind is, "Have a conversation with yourself Sonia. Hear what your younger version of yourself (pick an age) and tell her, it's going to be okay. You know what you want, and other people's opinions are based on what they already know, and they also - most often times - don't have the full awareness to be able to give you the advice or opinions that you want to hear. Nothing really good begins, unless you take charge and step out of your comfort zone and take risks." At that time, there was a lot of risk-averse people giving me their opinions in my life. It's just looking at being risky and going after what your real heart wants. It's okay, and it will happen with time, *consistency, and commitment, and it's not going to be as hard as you think it is. [13:45] Tell us about some of the biggest mindset challenges you’ve faced through this time. How did you overcome them? My kryptonite mindset was money. Money was my HUGEST obstacle to all of this. I did not want to give up the stable pay cheque. I did not want to give up the perks and benefits. I was saving for a home at that point, and in terms of how I grew up that's "what you do" and what "you should do." Me investing in things like a coach or education was really hard for me to do, because it felt like I had waited so long up until that point to find a full time job, get paid really well and start saving. I hadn't done that until I was 24/25. I would say was the biggest challenge I had. However, it got to a breaking point where I had one of two choices: you can hold on to this thing and find another job, but I also knew internally that even though I had the stability and it made me feel comfortable and safe, I also knew that even though I was saving money, I didn't actually want to buy a house anyways. So what do I actually do with that money? I had some chunk of change behind my belt now, and I actually ended up quitting my job without a job - which is something I was not trained or taught to do - and I started investing in a coach and going back to school, and continued to do that. I think the way I overcame it was, I had to ask my question: "If I don't want this thing (the house), what could I do with this money instead?" So I had to look at then, what is MY vision? What are MY goals? What intrinsically do I value? And education was the thing. And it started to pay off! I actually started seeing results! It's a little bit of surrender, it's a little bit of letting go of the fear around money, and that "I won't make it back," or "I won't make enough" and letting go of that story. And even though you may think you have stability, it's never actually certain. Nothing in our life is actually certain. [17:05] How has letting go of judgement allowed you to make more money in your business? Two things: Letting go of judgement with YOURSELF and the judgements of OTHERS. I would say, I had a big fear of rejection, that was probably one of my big ones. I didn't want to do a training and then people have bad reviews about it. I didn't want to coach anyone because I didn't want to know if nothing was happening. There were all these tapes in my head about being rejected in some way. But when I worked with my first coach in 2016, she actually supported me in sharing her story about [rejection]. She had a client hang up on her when she first started coaching because he wanted nothing to do with her. So it was listening to other peoples "failures" and they didn't perceive it as a failure because they said, "this is what happened, and this is what I learned." It was changing my mindset around: I can still fail, I can learn something from it, and I can be better! Which made me more risky I would say, and yeah, I failed A LOT when I first started. I did have the bad reviews, but it taught me SO MUCH about myself, about my impact, about how to improve. [Eventually] you get to a point where you have to let go to the voice that tells you not to do x, y, z, because that voice doesn't serve my Higher Self. The biggest thing for that is aligning yourself with people who are willing to share their successes and failures, that is a beautiful gift and experience. [20:15] For the listeners who are facing struggles with creating and maintaining boundaries, what are your best tips for overcoming this challenge? It depends where each person is at this this. So if I look at a point in my life and in my journey where I had zero to none when it came to boundaries. I kind of had to do an inventory of what were something or who were some of the people that were taking up my time, and what was draining my energy? What activities or people in my day was draining my energy or taking up too much time? Who was expecting me to do things that I didn't really want to do, and felt obligated to do. So it was doing an inventory first. What's really going on outside of you, and how you're really feeling about it. That's number one. And you'll be surprised of how much stuff you're doing that you don't want to do, and write that out form 1 to whatever. For example: I used to be the person who would drive my friends because they didn't have a car. I would be the designated driver, I'd have to pay for parking, and I hated it. It was not an enjoyable experience. Taking inventory of all of that stuff, personal and work related. The second phase is start saying "no." Don't even explain yourself. Don't apologize, don't explain, don't over extend. "I don't want to do this, thank you so much for thinking of me." Those would be my first two tips. Inventory and start saying no to things you don't want to do. You'll probably experience people, not liking your "no's" because you probably haven't been saying no to them for a very long time. So it's a new experience for them. So just know depending on how people react to your new found "no's" that it's a new experience for them, and also know that the people that are meant to be in your life, professionally and personally, they will learn to respect what it is you need and then honour you as a person. [22:24] You coach leaders to engage leaders. What are some key characteristics of a great leader? I would say INTEGRITY is probably one. Integrity to me is "this is what I say, this is what I believe, this is how I feel, and I'm going to be transparent about it." And I actually walk the talk. It comes out through my behaviour as well. I don't just have 'lip service' I actually live that way as well. The other thing I think a great leader really has is OPEN COMMUNICATION. Always wanting to talk about what is going on with the people they lead or with their friends, whoever. They're always open to having a conversation about what's going on. VULNERABILITY would be another one. When I go into a corporate room and do a training, the amount of barriers and people with their guards up - rightfully so - this is not a judgment on them at all. I'm usually a new external outside person and people are [wondering who I am], the walls and the guards are up. Sometimes the only way I can break that is if I show up vulnerably. So vulnerably gives other people permission to be themselves and to feel like they belong. Sometimes in leadership I see that's a missed mark for a lot of people because they feel like they can't be vulnerable. They don't want to share too many things, they don't want to talk about their feelings, and so there's a lot of stuff going on in that. But when we learn to be comfortable with you we are - flaws and all - and we can come from that place with other people, it releases tension with our relationships and people are [relieved to be with] a really person, "it's like a gift!" Then there's the corporate-y stuff, like making good decisions and delegating, but I truly believe it comes to who you're being as a human and what your impact is on other people. Start to learn about what you impact is with other people. How are they responding to you? What does their body language say when you walk into a room? You've got to pay attention to these things because it will show you who you're being, just as a person in a room. So really looking at what your impact is and maybe unintended impact. Sometimes we do things that we aren't aware of and we don't intentionally mean to do it but it comes perceived a certain way from others, so look at that stuff as well. I guess that solution to that would be, ask for feedback. Constantly ask the people for feedback with how you show up. And it will really help. [28:29] How can we Up-Level our leadership skills? The first thing is start asking the people in your life for feedback. Get comfortable with feedback, get comfortable with "constructive criticism." You want to design how you receive feedback. You actually have permission to design with anyone. Ex. "I would like some feedback of how I'm showing up, or how I did on this presentation?" Or whatever the scenario is. "And here's how I would like the feedback: I would like to know what I did really well, what you noticed about what I did really well, and I would also like to know, what could I improve?" and you're allowed to ask for both, because both will give you some really good information on what you need to improve and what you're really good at. That would be number one: ask for feedback. The second thing is start looking at the professional, and even personal, relationships you have, and take a look at how you want to deepen those relationships. Look at the inventory of where that relationship is at, and ask how you can you deepen those relationships? Because what happens when we build really trusted, aligned, intuitive, feel good relationships - professionally and personally - that support network that you grow and develop and nurture, it helps you out so wonderfully! It will bring you access to opportunities that you didn't even know were possible. Leading you to have more impact in the world. Invest in yourself. Whether it's investing in your self care, investing in a course, investing in a coach, whether it's investing in a trip that you've always wanted to do. Invest in yourself. I've never really be disappoint in anything I've invested in professionally or personally. [31:08] What are core values and why are they so important? Core Values are basically like qualities that each person really, really respects and admires in a sense. Every person on the planet has a different set of core values, and even though maybe my top 5 are the same as someone else's, I may actually value them differently than that person and it also might have a different meaning to me than that person. For example, one of my top two values are connection and community. So when I am in spaces where I feel like I am part of a community. I know I am most alive and I thrive in those two environments. When I am not honouring those values, for example, and I am choosing different things outside of community and connection, whatever that might be, I don't actually feel as good as a human. What I always encourage people to do is find out, "what is most important to you, really?" Is it: balance, alignment, respect, honesty, transparency, integrity? What are those things that are really import to you? How you can usually identify that, is what in your life is making you frustrated? And what in your life is creating a lot of joy? So usually when there are experiences in your life where you are feeling a lot of joy, or you're feeling happy and fulfilled, you're most likely honouring a ton of values. And on the flip side, when things are making you angry, irritated, frustrated, annoyed, there's usually things going on that you're not honouring in terms of your values. So it's like you're actually making other choices. So basically, in a nutshell: values lead us to live a fulfilled and happy life, it does not mean that life is going to be easy because we are honouring our values, it just means that we will be more fulfilled. And it's like a guiding post to what choices we can be making for ourselves to feel good each and every day. With anyone who is new to values work, it's going to be a lot of exploration in the beginning for sure. [36:21] Can you teach us how to discover what our core values are? How can we start this process in the next 24 hours? There's one of two *ways, I'll give the short versions of each way. The first one is "Peak Experience." Basically, what you want to do is think about a time in your life, could be from a memory when you were five, or it could be as recent as today, for example. But a time in your life when you felt the most alive, the most joy, the most happy, and it's an experience, a moment in your life when you felt all these things. And create that picture of what was going on, who was around you, what did it feel like? What were you doing? So for me when I did that exercise it was my 19th birthday and I realized things like: celebration, there were 18 people there and it was a large group of friends, I remember it feeling really easy. I didn't have to pull teeth or beg or ask people to pitch in, it was just very easy and flowing experience. So some of the values that showed up were kind of the things that I just said: "flow, celebration, leadership, easy." You'll want to start picking up some values that were present in that experience in my life. Pick out some of these words that you see in that moment, or that experience, and look at "how do I make choices moving forward to honour more of those values in my life?" And get creative and explore. The second thing I would say, is the inventory piece. Take a look at, in the last few months, what were some things that I felt really good about? And what were some things that didn't feel so good? So you said that when quarantine happened you couldn't travel anymore, so your value of travel wasn't being honoured anymore. But then you found creative ways to honour it in a new, different way like adventure, and new uncharted territory like in your own backyard kind of thing. So you want to look at both ends of the spectrum, what has felt really good and what has not felt really good? And pick out things within both of those things are either being honoured or not honoured and make that list. And then again, you want to start making choices that then honour those things that you really like. [39:30] Typically with our top core values, we try to bring them into the top five. Can those five values change over time? Yes, the most certainly can. So basically based on where you're at in your life, what's going on, what stage you're at, who you're *surrounding yourself with, they will definitely change over time. I feel like there isn't one person's who's values won't change over time. So you have to pay attention. It's like right now I'm going through the phase of transition. There is stuff going on internally with me, and it's like "wow, things that I used to care about, I actually don't care about as much any more, I care about different things." And that's a really cool realization to kind of have and experience, and we get so tied and attached to who we use to be. We don't want to give it up but we're changing, we're evolving, we're learning, we're unlearning. [41:04] What are the best ways we can honour our core values? #1: Definitely knowing what they are. #2: Noticing where they're showing up and where they're not showing up. As an example: there have been some recent acquaintances in my life that I've aligned myself in the last few years and I'm noticing, because I have a high value for things like integrity and transparency. So when I'm with someone I know who isn't being transparent or who is out of integrity with me, it really bothers me. So I have a few choices: I can say something to the person, "Hey, I'm kind of sensing you're not really being honest with me right now, what would you say about that?" I could call it out. OR I could make another choice. I could choose to not worry or care so much as I was before, I can limit my time with that person. I could limit my time with the people who don't have that stronger value within them. So you want to start noticing where these values are showing up and where they're not. Each and every day is not going to be 100% honouring all your values, I think that's humanly impossible, but you do want to make choices as much as you can to have more consistency of honouring your values each and every day. So it's like, "Sure I could spend 40% of my time worrying about the friend that';s not as transparent as me, OR I could take back some of that time and use it and spend it with people who do have the same values as me and I'll feel a lot better to be honest. [44:44] Sonia, thank you so much for being a part of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. Before we wrap up with the final segment, let us know where we can find you, follow you, and how can we support your business? INSTAGRAM | @inspiredbysonia FACEBOOK | Sonia Grossi LINKEDIN | Sonia Grossi (wearing a red, professional shirt) WEBSITE | www.SoniaGrossi.com To support me in my business, I'm usually doing webinars or trainings where I'm talking about a specific topic like values for example, or boundaries, or different leadership topics. So you can join me on any one of those! RAPID FIRE ROUND: [46:24] What are you currently reading, or what’s your favourite book? Currently Reading: Me and White Supremacy by Layla F Saad [47:05] What are you currently working toward? I am working towards not working so much, and being more of a human rather than being a human that always has to do things. [47:31] What do you love most about being a woman? I love being sexy. Like honestly I think women have this power that either realized or not, we have so much power as a woman out there in the world. For me it's this sexy feminine, knows what she wants go getter clarity, it's almost like, *there's so much power beyond me physically that I can harness at my disposal. So it's kind of like an energetic thing. And it's almost really easy like a magnet. Like I can magnetize certain people or opportunities to me, using my femininely and woman-ness and it's really really cool. [48:47] What does empowerment mean to you? Yes. Empower I feel is like, feeling really really good about doing something. It's not from a place of "I should do this/I need to do this/ugghh" it's not that feeling. It's like "wow I feel so supported! I feel so good! I feel so inspired! I actually feel motivated to move forward." Right. It's almost like having your cup filled up completely, and taking action from that place.
Full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/93
[00:23] Hello!!! Welcome back, I’m your host Valerie LaVigne recording this podcast episode from the beautiful and sunny southern ontario. Yes it does get very hot and sunny in a lot of parts of Canada and this summer has been particularly hot and steamy. And I’m not just talking about the scorching temperatures either!
It’s been weeks, months, and for many years of pain and anger surfacing. Through my meditation practice I’ve been noticing my own anger and aggression reach high boiling points. At times I’ve felt overwhelmingly impatient and frustrated with information and experiences over the last few months - some of what’s come up for me has been years of holding onto anger and pain. As someone who has spent a lot of time in personal development and personal observation, this has been a very interesting time of growth and exploration.
I’ve been feeling a lot of discomfort, a lot of hurt, a lot of holding on, and a lot of surrender as well.
There was a time where I thought being angry was a bad thing. I believed that I wasn’t allowed to feel angry and that those emotions had to be shut down immediately. I was taught to see the best in every situation, to look for something positive, to move past the pain.
[2:02] What I was inadvertently doing was suppressing my anger and frustration. And do you know what’s worse than feeling angry? It’s holding on to that anger. It’s letting those emotions fester inside and eat away at you slowly. Basically, it’s not healthy.
When I noticed my recent feelings of anger and aggression begin to surface I became more angry because I “didn’t want to deal” with these feelings at the time. But I knew pushing them away wouldn’t help, so instead I decided to lean in and feel my anger. To allow my aggression to come up and out.
The more I leaned in the angrier I got. My skin burned, my head throbbed, my jaw felt tight. There was so much resistance to fully meeting my emotions, but I just kept leaning in and hurting. I began massaging my temples, jaw and face firmly with my finger tips. My breathing changed and I was forcing hot air out of my nose and mouth. Deep sighs, big tears, it all came out. Sounds, sounds came out too. Cries and yells. I buried my face into a pillow and then hit it with my fists.
I did this until I exhausted myself. Letting out all the feels left me feeling tired and a bit numb. Almost like I had nothing else to cry. No more fight left in me. But as I lay there puffy eyed and tired, I felt a deep sense of healing. Like the release was a confirmation that my shadow self was being heard. Like my pain was finally being seen and met. Because I gave space for the anger, the grief, the hurt, the heaviness. I held myself in that space longer. Long enough to feel the deepest pains of all. The ones I had been suppressing.
[4:32] When we give space to our emotions, the good, the bad, and the ugly, we allow deep healing, we make room for our souls to grow and expand. The power of this journey through our emotions doesn’t come from seeing the silver lining, it comes by our self-connection, self-exploration.
Our spirituality doesn't mean always seeing the rainbows and stars, it’s about experiencing the storms so that the rainbow can appear. It’s about stepping into the darkness so that the stars can shine.
This shadow work and healing is ugly and it’s tough. Most people avoid the work. Don’t be like most people. And if you’re listening to this and currently going through your own work, know that it gets harder, and it gets easier. Be gentle with yourself. You are healing, and growing as humans do.
[5:55] Now we cannot always hold space for our anger as it appears in the exact moment. Sometimes the timing is inappropriate and we need to be in a safe environment so that we can lean in and heal vs. self destruct. Which is why I’d like to teach you a tool I’ve used for over a decade when I feel angry and aggressive.
When you start to experience the feelings, notice them and say outloud or to yourself: I feel angry, or however you’re feeling. Note that you are calling out how you feel, not what you are. You are not your emotions, you are not your anger. You feel these emotions.
Then close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Visualize your emotions of anger and/or aggression as steam. Like in the cartoons, the steam comes out of the cartoons ears or nostrils. You can feel the steam doing the same if you like.
Now think about how we use steam in the everyday world. Where have you seen steam in your life?
- It comes out of a hot kettle, it’s used to fuel machines like trains and ships.
- Steam can be found in spas and home showers, off cookies freshly baked from the oven.
- The steam from the cookies is information to our bodies that this food is too hot to eat. If we follow this information we can wait for the cookies to cool so we can eat them without burning our tongues. The steam from the kettle or cup of coffee or tea is the same. Information that tells us, don’t drink just yet.
- Steam that fuels trains has been harnessed to make the engine move. To pull thousands of tons of weight across countries.
- Steam in spas and showers are cleansing, relaxing, and detoxifying.
Now bring your awareness back to the vision of steam representing your anger. What information is this giving you? How can you use the steam and feelings to move forward? What do you need to cleanse or release?
[8:48] This visualization practice helps us do three things:
The first thing is, it helps us separate ourselves from our emotions. We are ourselves, the anger is the steam.
The second thing this practice helps us do is begin to release those emotions by seeing the steam move OUT of the nostrils and ears.
And finally, this visualization practice gets us to ask the necessary questions so that we can make helpful decisions to support our growth and healing. It helps us recognize our anger as something helpful rather than something hurtful. Remember, it’s only hurtful to us if we HOLD IT IN, or if we REACT to a situation without reading the information. We could burn ourselves by reacting to our anger, or burn someone else, or we could use that information to wait, and make a more emotionally intelligent decision or response.
Remember that this visualization practice is the beginning or introduction to much deeper work. Deep seeded anger does not come out so easily. Notice if your visualization practice shows you something else. Notice if the steam is a specific colour, or if it changes forms. Notice other parts of your physical body. Are you clenching your fists? Are you tightening your face or jaw? Is there pain in your abdomen or a closed feeling in your chest? Just like the steam from the hot tea, these other physical responses are information from your body. You can take a mental note of them and meditate on these areas for more information, or you can begin a journaling or movement practice to help move and shift the energy so that it can release also.
[10:50] It’s a process. Remember that. I’ll say it again, be gentle with yourself. Your soul is expanding. You are learning, you are growing. You are beautiful in all the stages of your life and growth.
Full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/92
Hello there Women’s Empowerment Community, I hope you are doing well. For those of you who have been long-time listeners, welcome back! And for anyone who is new to the show, a very special welcome to you! Each week I bring you a new episode all about health, wealth, and /or happiness! This is a positive place for support, inclusivity, and kindness.
[00:52] I’ve also been sprinkling in some bonus episodes - 1 to 2 per month - featuring some pretty incredible and empowering humans. To learn more about these bonus episodes, subscribe to wherever you’re listening to the show, and you will be reminded of all the new episodes! Today’s episode is dedicated to Health & Wellness, and more specifically to anyone who has ever wanted to be a morning person. Haha I have to laugh because I get asked “help me be a morning person!?” all the time it’s pretty funny. Especially since I’ve been “sleeping in” a lot more lately. Although a 7am or 7:30am sleep in time seems a bit crazy for some people, I used to get up at 5:30 every morning, and to be honest, I miss it! I’ll be getting into more of a set schedule soon though, and I’ll start to become more of an EARLY morning person again! Now, you might be listening and thinking, “amazing, I’ve always wanted to be a morning person, or wake up earlier!” Or maybe you’re thinking: “what on earth do I want to get up earlier for?!” [2:00] Well there are actually a lot of benefits to waking up early. Such as: More Productivity When I was consistently getting up early, I noticed higher levels of productivity for sure! There was always time for my selfcare first thing in the morning and it gave me the win, the motivation and the energy I needed to complete the other tasks. I also feel like I was better at planning and decision making because I had such a polished morning schedule that it was easier for me to schedule and organize the rest of my day and week since my workout, personal development, supplements and all that were completed before 8am and I never had to worry about when my “me time” was going to get done. Balanced Mental Health One of the more noticeable and significant benefits to getting up early was the feeling of calmness when I woke up. My alarm is not very jarring either, and I never woke up feeling rushed or anxious to get somewhere or to do something. Starting the day with a jolting wake up or anxious feeling is not a great way to set the energy for the day ahead. Better Sleep If you’re in the transition period to becoming a morning person, sleep is something you’ll notice more immediately. Since you’re waking up earlier, you’ll also get tired earlier, but the key is to not take naps! You’re re-training your body clock and that also means your sleeping pattern. With consistency and a bit of time, you’ll feel your sleep improve. Eventually, you might even wake up early without an alarm! Positivity Since you’re getting QUALITY sleep, and experiencing less feelings of stress, you’ll also see that you’re more positive and happier overall! More Energy More rest = more happiness = more energy. Simple as that! If those five benefits of getting up earlier every day don’t convince you to also get up earlier, I’m not sure what will. I mean, who wouldn’t want to feel better, get more done, and be a nicer human? I’m convinced. [4:20] Now that we’ve outlined the why, let’s get into the HOW. Like any new habit, you’ve got to start slowly. Trust me when I say, becoming a morning person becomes a lot easier if you gradually wake up earlier each day. My best steps for starting slow are: #1. Write down what time you wake up every morning. #2. Decide what your ideal morning wake up time is. #3. Set your alarm for 5-15 minutes earlier each day. Gradually working from the time you wake up now, to the time you want to wake up. If you want to wake up 5 minutes earlier each day, it will take you 12 days for every hour. If you want to wake up 10 minutes earlier each day, it will take you 6 days for every hour. And if you want to wake up 15 minutes earlier each day, it will take you 4 days for every hour. The key is to get your body in the habit of waking up earlier. So even if it takes you an entire month, you spent that month waking up earlier than you did the day before. As an example of what this looks like in terms of the times, let’s say you’re currently waking up at 7:30am and you want to wake up at 6:30am. Day one alarm: 7:25am Day two alarm: 7:20am Day three alarm: 7:15am And so on. Personally, I would do 15-30 minutes earlier each day, but that’s mostly because I’m getting back into an old habit and I really enjoy waking up earlier. [5:55] When you’re becoming a morning person, your alarm clock is very important. Here are some Do’s and Don’ts of your alarm clock: Don’t have a jarring alarm sound. It should wake you up, but it shouldn’t make you angry. Do choose an alarm that gets your attention and motivates you to wake up. Don’t hit snooze. Do get out of bed right away, and make your bed as soon as you wake up. This gives you an easy win for the day, and you won’t want to go back into a bed you just made up. Don’t have your alarm clock next to your bed. This is an old technique that works really well for some people. Do put it somewhere far enough that you have to get up to turn off your alarm. Don’t open emails or social media when you wake up Do open the blinds and let the natural light into your room. Don’t talk yourself out of waking up early Do have a reason why you're waking up early, and a plan for what you'll do when you wake up first thing. [7:05] What are you going to do with the extra time… two words: TAKE ADVANTAGE Enjoy your morning beverage, read a book, meditate, talk to your plants, watch the sunrise, go for a walk, get a workout in, do some watercolor painting, have a solo dance party in your living room. The morning is YOURS! All yours, and you’ve got to take advantage of it! This is not an opportunity to be mindless and wandering around, it’s time to make the absolute most of the time to do what feels good to you! When I was waking up early my morning routine was the same almost every single day: Wake up, make bed Gym for weight lifting Shower, skincare + supplements Warm beverage ritual (coffee, bone broth, tea, depending) Meditation + Journaling I did that all within two hours, and it would have been shorter if I was working out from home verses driving to the gym each morning. Remember, if you’re getting up 15 minutes earlier each day, you want to realistically choose something that you can do in those extra 15 minutes. Maybe it’s a light stretch while your coffee brews, or a 5 minute meditation outside. You choose your magical morning. [8:32] HOT TIPS: Schedule your morning. Put your new wake up time in your calendar and the 1 or 2 things you want to do each morning. Make the morning easy for you by creating triggers for your new habits and morning routine. This is anything that makes your morning easier to do. For example, if you want to stretch in the morning, roll out your yoga mat the night before. If you want to enjoy a tea or coffee while you watch the sunrise, prepare the kettle and your mug, so when you wake up all you have to do is boil the water. [9:05] The Power Hour: Eventually you might be waking up one hour earlier than normal, and you might want to try “the power hour”. This is something I learned years ago and I can’t remember where I first heard it, but basically you break your hour into three 20 minute pieces: Movement, Mindfulness, and Personal Growth/Development. It gives you some structure for your morning and also flexibility because you get to choose what type of movement, mindfulness, and personal growth practice you’d like! Here are some ideas of movement: * Stretching, yoga * Pilates * Spin * Swimming * Weight training * Bootcamp * Dance party
Your mindfulness practice could be: * Meditation * Slow walk * Time in nature or with plants * Preparing a morning beverage and drinking it peacefully or while watching the sunrise * Reading an inspirational book * Repeating affirmations
For personal development you could: * Read a personal development book * Learn a new skill: maybe a language or how to paint * Listen to an inspiring podcast or audio book * The lists could go on and on!
[10:27] A morning person’s best kept secret: A great morning routine actually begins with a solid evening routine. Getting to bed and getting quality sleep is the key to a great morning routine. As I mentioned before, the transition period is a little tougher, but once you become more consistent with waking up early, your body will also want to go to bed a little earlier, don’t fight it! Instead, be prepared for rest. Create healthy boundaries around your evenings like closing down technology an hour before bedtime, winddown from your day with a slower evening. You could incorporate a relaxing bath, a gentle stretch, a journaling practice, and even an oracle card reading or crystal cleansing. E34: 7 Things You Must Do When Creating Healthy Boundaries [11:29] Alright, so let’s create an action plan for you! Step One: Be Intentional Decide why it’s important for you to be a morning person and wake up earlier. Write that down. Set your alarm for your gradual wake up time. Depending on whether you’re waking up 5 minutes earlier or 15 minutes earlier, get clear about how you will take advantage of that extra time - no scrolling on instagram! Step Two: Schedule Your Morning Whether you use a physical planner or an online calendar, time block your earlier morning for your new habits/practices. Put it into your schedule even if it’s a 5 minute meditation practice or a silent coffee ritual. What gets scheduled is what gets done! Step Three: Set Up Habit Triggers Roll out the mat, prep the kettle, pull out the watercolour paint lit or the watering can for your plants. Make the morning easier by setting up habit triggers. This will help you make the most of your morning and really enjoy it! Step Four: Create the Evening Mood Decide on your simple evening routine to help you close the day and prepare for sleep. Maybe it’s a shower where you feel the stress or heaviness of the day wash off your body. Maybe it’s dimming the lights and meditating in bed. Perhaps it’s tidying up the kitchen for a fresher, cleaner morning. Getting into this routine will allow you to create book-ends of your day. You’ll be able to create a more meaningful start and end to the day with these intentions and rituals. [13:22] Being a “Morning Person” doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, most of the time we stress ourselves out thinking that it's more complicated and painful than it actually is! You can seriously become a morning, or early morning person in four simple action steps. Share your morning and evening routines with me on instagram @vallavignelife and use the hashtag #MorningsForMe or in the comments section of the show notes page at www.valerielavignelife.com/92
Full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/ingrid
Today I get to share this intimate, motivation, and educational chat with Ingrid Deon, your social media expert.
[00:45] Welcome Ingrid! Ingrid started her career as a journalist and worked at CBC Radio as well as several newspapers. In 2015, she made the jump to social media and was Manager of Social Engagement at a digital marketing agency in Halifax and Toronto. She started her own business in October 2019 and has worked with clients such as Nestlé Canada, Manulife Bank and Cove Kombucha. Ingrid! Welcome to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! Thank you for joining us on the show today. I’m so excited for us to discuss positive mindset and building social engagement! Before we get into today’s questions. Tell us more about your very empowering story: from single mother living under the poverty line, to financial and occupational freedom as an entrepreneur! Back in 2009 Ingrid had her son. When he was three years old, Ingrid's husband of 10 years, up and left. It sounds sad, but Ingrid turned it into a positive. At the time that he left, Ingrid was working a seasonal job at a museum and wasn't making a lot of money. She knew she had to start doing something to keep a roof over her and her son's head. So she hustled. She got a year round job and also started side projects to make more money. Ingrid is a knitter and she would sell her knitting patterns and also some of her knitting creations. Because she lives in rural Nova Scotia, Canada it was hard to come by journalism jobs so she had to work at the museum and side hustle a bit. Eventually she got an interview in Halifax at a digital agency, about a three hour drive from where she was. At the interview she told them, "in an ideal world, I would work from home and drive in 1 day a week." This was so that she could be at home with her son. The job was for copywriting and social media coordinator when she first started, and they agreed! She took the job and learned tons about digital marketing, became the manager of Social Media of Halifax and Toronto and climbed the ranks of the company. After a while she was seeing how much the company was charging the clients, verses how much she was actually making form all her work, she thought that she could do this on her own. One of her best clients, Nestle Canada, really like her and followed her when she went off on her own. Her business grew, and she has now reached a point where she is turning away people so she wants to scale her business so that she can hire people out to help her. [5:49] It is clear that seeing the positive in everything is a strength/super power of yours. For the times that everything feels really tough, and for when we’re struggling with a negative mindset, what are your best tips for overcoming this struggle? When her ex-husband left, Ingrid felt totally blindsided. It was really, really hard. A few days after he left, her best friend came over and she said, "we're going to make a list of all the good things that could come from this." So they did and making this list cheered Ingrid up so much! From tiny things like ripping up an ugly carpet, to bigger things! Ingrid loves making lists, and found that this was so helpful to her. Ever since then, whenever something tough is happening or she's feeling down, she spins it into a positive. It's similar to a gratitude list or a gratitude journal. Even if it's a mental list of what you're grateful for and what good can come out of the situation. [9:50] How can we avoid falling into or getting caught up in negative mindset traps? Putting a positive spin on whatever low moment you're in. Sometimes presenting it to someone else can help you see the positive that maybe you're having a hard time recognizing in the moment. Ingrid doesn't worry any more because it's a complete waste of energy, but when her son worries, she asks him, "okay what's the worst thing that could happen? And what are you going to do if that happens?" Then you've addressed the worst case scenario and you also know what you're going to do about it, and that's her way of dealing with avoiding getting caught in the mindset trap. [11:58] Do you have any daily routines or healthy habits that you do every day? Can you share behind the scenes of what they are? Ingrid finds that making stuff puts her in the right kind of mindset. She can knit while on a call and there's a satisfying sense of accomplishment with knitting. She gets the same sense of accomplishment with cooking and baking and it cheers her up. Her big self care routine is making stuff. [14:04] For someone who is feeling like they’re at rock bottom, but ready to make a powerful mindset shift, what words of wisdom would you give them for turning things around? Write lists of small things to feel better about yourself. Small things that will make you feel better that you can do could really help you turn things around. Keep the list somewhere you can see it and take action on the list to make you feel better. Business & Social Media You give excellent business advice as well. Let’s switch gears here and chat about business and social media. The business you’ve built for yourself today helps other businesses. [17:02] First of all, tell us about your business and it’s name! How do you help businesses and why did you choose the name “Word Craft”? Like she mentioned, Ingrid is crafty. Her business doesn't have to do with crafting, but it's a huge part of who she is. Also, writing is also kind of like a craft. Word, is because she's crazy about words and grammar. So she put the two together! Word Craft helps businesses, of all sizes, that are struggling with their social media create a plan based on their goals. [18:56] Let’s talk about social media engagement! What does that mean? Why is it important for our businesses? On a basic level, engagement is: likes, comments, shares, clicks, etc. The various algorithms on social media platforms all really prioritize engagement. If Facebook, instagram, or linked in or whatever it is sees that your post is getting a lot of engagement, the algorithm will send it out and show it to more people. Ultimately if you want more people to see you, your goal should be to build your engagement. [20:20] What are some best practices for building engagement on social media? Walk us through the steps. #1. Having a Call to Action on your posts. You're telling your audience what to do. You can put this into the actual copy of the post. Examples: double tap if you agree, send this to a friend who would find this helpful, send me a dm with your thoughts. And every time they take this action, the algorithm notes that this post is "engage-worthy" so we should make more people see it. #2. Proactive Engagement Social media is a two way street, you want to engage on peoples posts, not JUST have people engage on your own. It could be five or ten pages where you write a meaningful comment on their post. Whatever you can manage, because every little bit helps. [22:34] How can we convert an instagram follower into a new customer or client? Make sure you're always thinking about your ideal customer and putting yourself in their shoes when you're creating content. Have a clear plan, post consistently, post with purpose. Use content pillars, themes or buckets to help you map out your content and map them up with your goals. [24:22] In terms of our Call to Action on our posts, are we doing this on every posts? You could put it on every post, you want to use them often, but you don't always have to use them. There isn't a rule, but they can get old if you have too many. Make the call to action meaningful to you, your business, and also for your ideal customer. HOT TIP:For Contests, ask a meaningful question for your contest and the comment is the answer to your question. It's easy and it's free market research and it build engagement. [30:53] Hashtags: Do you have any tips, tricks, or hacks to simplify the hashtag strategy? You can use up to 30 hashtags per post, and you can use them all if you want, but there has been some research that says you can use 9-12 to get the most engagement. Have a mix between relevant to industry and to your ideal customer, as well as "niche" hundreds to thousands of times, and "high performance" hashtags that have been used millions of times. Different hashtags for each type of post. Experiment with groups/sets of hashtags based on your content pillars. Use those a few times and check your insights to see how many people are coming to your post via your hashtags. The sets that are performing the best, those sets are good! The ones that don't have a lot of impressions via hashtags aren't doing well and you can change those and experiment with them. [35:27] Is there anything else we need to know before we start putting these actions into practice? Have a plan. Decide what your goals are for your social media and have a plan for those goals. Figure out your call to action and how often you're going to use them. Be intentional, Be mindful. Post consistently and post with purpose. Once you have a plan you can start to implement your proactive engagement and your hashtags and engagement strategy. Build relationships. Social media is about being social. Listener Questions [37:45] Candice asks: How to make social media a positive tool for business and self? They key is to not let it make you crazy. Create boundaries for your social media. For your business have a plan and know why you're even on social media. Leverage social media rather than just being on social media. [40:34] Josh asks: If you would invent a new social media platform, what would it be like? Ingrid loves the visual aspect of Instagram and used to use Flickr all the time it was more popular. She also likes the connections on LinkedIn and it seems like people are more excited to engage on LinkedIn. [43:53] Where can we find you, where can we follow you, how can we support your business? INSTAGRAM | @wordcraftingrid FACEBOOK | wordcraftingrid LINKEDIN | Ingrid Deon WEBSITE | www.word-craft.ca Rapid Fire Round [45:45] What are you currently reading, or what’s your favourite book? BOOK: The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton BOOK: Building a Story Brand by Donald Miller [46:45] What are you currently working toward? Ingrid is working toward hiring someone to help her with her growing business and workload! [47:56] What do you love most about being a woman? Pretty dresses! There's nothing like wearing a cute dress! It makes Ingrid feel good, it's fun, and it looks nice! [48:38] What does empowerment mean to you? It's doing things for myself. Ingrid comes from a long line of empowered women and shares this beautiful story of her grandmother's leadership and empowerment.
Empowering Journalling Questions + full show notes at www.valerielavignelife.com/91
There have been a lot of ups and downs creating and maintaining the show, but I receive some incredible messages and emails about how the podcast has inspired the listeners and positively impacted people, and I have to say it is what keeps me creating this show. Thank you so much for listening, for reaching out to me through the site, and for connecting. I am incredibly grateful for each of you.
[1:07] My intention for today’s episode is to inspire and uplift your creative muscles! Lately I’ve been noticing my own creativity and inspiration move through extreme waves. I feel a burst of energy and ideas one week, and then it feels as if everything deflates or disappears the next week. I reached out to friends and colleagues for solutions and support and was quickly reminded that this is part of the creative process, and that we’re all experiencing these waves in our lives and in our businesses. As I was journaling about my experience I found this piece I wrote almost three years ago: “There are days where I feel as though I was born to create. This feeling is a combination of thought and movement, mind and body. It feels as if my physical form is being taken over by a creative spirit. Or an inspired energy is being downloaded into my mind, and everything I think that I know, all my fears and doubts, all of that surrenders to this burst of creativity and I flow with it. When I let go of my need to control I become a vessel for creativity. I feel no panic or pain, and I feel no resistance. I am moved and molded into any and every form until the thing that wants to be crafted is created. But there are times when my need for control gets in the way of creativity. It’s almost as though I want to create something so desperately that I no longer become a clear channel for this creative spirit.” Reading this calmed me. I know that I am a creative being, we all are, in our own unique ways. All we have to do is slow down and step back, and return to our innate power, rather than try to control the experience. In my own experiences and teachings I have noticed three mistakes we often make that block our creativity. Today I am sharing those three mistakes, as well as creative solutions to avoid and overcome them. Cuz you know me, I’m all about solutions! [3:38] Mistake Number One: COMPARING With more and more people online and creating content, it’s so much easier to fall into the comparison trap! Instagram is the highlight reel people! Even I need to be reminded of this sometimes. As a business owner and content creator, I know how much effort goes into curating the instagram feed, and showing up in stories, responding to dms and emails. Producing a weekly podcast, serving current customers, finding new customers, and putting together a really beautiful website and everything else that goes along with it! It’s a lot of work, and most people only see the flashy frontend of a business. They don’t see the blood, the sweat, and the tears of the backend hustle, grind, and grit. Comparing the backend of your business, or life to someone’s front end of their business, is exhausting and a waste of time and energy. It is hurtful to your spirit and it’s the number one mistake we make when it comes to channeling our creativity. Here’s the creative solution: The next time you find yourself comparing your programs, instagram page, work, or even your life to someone else's' - don’t. You can’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s produced work. Know that their finished product took time, effort, money, coaches, discipline, failures, mistakes, and so much more to get them where they are today, we just don’t see that part of their business (or life) all the time. Focus on where you are at in YOUR journey, and the inspired action steps you can take to move forward. Another creative solution for avoiding this trap is to create BEFORE you consume. Avoid podcasts, social media, even reading before you start creating your program, instagram post, podcast episode, etc. Your creative channel is open and coming from you, not your mind trying to keep up with everything it just absorbed after 30 minutes of reading or scrolling. You can also create after a movement practice. Yoga, working out, dance breaks are all really great ways to move stale energy in your body and get the creative juices flowing! [5:58] The second mistake we make that blocks our creativity is: COMPETING My dad used to tell me, “There are no original ideas. The only difference between the people with the same ideas, is one person will follow through with that idea, and the other person won’t. You can choose which person you want to be.” Elizabeth Gilbert shares an experience in her book, Big Magic, about an idea she had for a book that she put aside and months later another author/friend of hers came out with an almost identical novel to her idea. She describes it as a creative idea that left her body and went into the other person’s because the idea wasn’t being born from Elizabeth so it decided to move to someone else. Trying to compete with another person holds us back from taking action. We’re so busy worrying about another coach, another business owner and all the things they are doing and offering, that we aren’t creating our own offers. We start to show up desperate and anxious, that we completely forget about our core values! Honour those ideas by creating an inspiring action plan and then take action. A creative solution to stop competition is: When you feel the need to compete with someone else in your industry - don’t. It doesn’t matter how similar your ideas are, you are not the same people and you both have different strengths and styles. Remember that you are unique in your own way. You might have a similar idea or offer, but the way you share it and serve your clients is special because it’s coming from YOU! I am a yoga and pilates teacher. Do you know how many yoga and pilates teachers there are in the Greater Toronto Area?!? A LOT! I don’t waste any time competing with them because I’m focused on my own style and showing up as MYSELF, and not trying to be or keep up with anyone else. Creative solution number two: let go of judgment and hold up a mirror. In episode 44 I talk about a judgement detox that I use and teach. It’s all about releasing the negative thoughts or comments about someone and instead seeing them as a mirror to ourselves. Now when I see a similar wellness leader in the industry showing up in a really big and powerful way; making waves; taking leaps; doing really awesome work, I applaud them. Because what I see in them, is also what I see in myself. I see their grit, I see their perseverance, I see their passion. I also see my own grit, perseverance, and passion. E44: This Judgement Detox will Blow Your Mind I actually have three creative solutions for this mistake. The third is: invite your competition to collaborate with you. A lot of my friends work in the same or similar industry as I do. They have their own stories (possibly similar) ideas, and a skill set that might be different from mine. Instead of competing with them, I invite them to collaborate with me. This way we can work together to help more people with their lifestyle and health goals. Always always always remember that there is someone out there waiting for YOU. They are waiting for your message, your story, your voice. They want your energy, wisdom, and your taking on an idea. What are YOU waiting for? [10:27] The third mistake we make that holds us back from our creativity is: COMPLAINING I’m not even going to pretend that I don’t do this. YIKES! And out of all three mistakes, I see this one the most. Complaining can feel sooooo easy, but if we spent as much time creating as we did complaining, or worrying, or overthinking, we would have a lot less to complain about. Complaining is exhausting; it’s a major waste of your creative energy. So let’s cut straight to the creative solutions instead of complaining about how bad complaining is… The next time you catch yourself complaining about something - stop! Bring yourself back to why you started working on your projects. Come back to your core values. Centre yourself on what is important to you. Make a list of everything you are grateful for in your life right now. There are so many other things we can do than complain. I’ve actually created a list of empowering questions we can ask ourselves and I’ve included it as today’s freebie! Get your list of empowering questions here. Another solution, or possibly it’s a tool for measuring how often we complain is something I learned back in high school. Put a stretchy band or bracelet on your wrist - something you can take off and put on easily. Start with the bang on your right wrist. Each time you catch yourself complaining, move the bracelet from the right wrist to the left. If you complain again, move the bracelet back to the right wrist, and so on. Doing this helps bring awareness to how often you complain and eventually you’ll get in the habit of thinking before you complain out loud. You will also notice when, what, and with whom you complain. [13:41] Now, when you find yourself searching for creativity, notice which of the three big mistakes you are making. Consider the solutions I outlined, and choose the best one for you! Remember to take action on your plan. Even if the plan is to incorporate more self care into your daily routine! Remember to grab your list of empowering questions and take your time as you journal your responses!
Essential Oil Freebies and full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/90 [1:30] #1. Val, there are so many essential oil companies to choose from! Why do you onlyuse dōTERRA? I get this question all the time and I love it, because dōTERRA is the only essential oil company I trust and the only one I purchase from for five main reasons: 1. Transparency If there is anything I look for in companies I purchase from, especially larger ones, it’s their transparency. dōTERRA has fully transparent third-party testing on all their essential oils and products. If you check the bottom of your dōTERRA essential oil bottle, you’ll find a code where you can use at SOURCETOYOU.COM and learn about all the chemical constituents of that exact batch. There is no hiding with dōTERRA, no BS, only the highest quality oils. Here’s also what’s so great about their outstanding transparency: other essential oil companies do not like this, it keeps their CEO’s up at night because they know they can’t offer the same level of honesty to their customers. dōTERRA is truly the leading company in the essential oil industry and natural health space. CPTG Quality & Testing Source to You 2. Sourcing dōTERRA has the most incredible global co-impact sourcing model that serves countries, families, women, and small businesses all around the world. One of the countries they work with is Guatemala, which is a place that has my heart as I have visited and travelled there a few times. I was so excited when I found out dōTERRA sources their Cardamom from dōTERRA and even more excited when I learned that Cardamom was one of the oils in my most favourite blend: Easy Air aka Breathe. Knowing that this single bottle of essential oil is not only helping my health, but also people in Guatemala was really game-changing on how I wanted to be involved with the company. It’s one of the reasons why I decided to become a Wellness Advocate and sell essential oils. dōTERRA Co-Impact Sourcing Trip Guatemala Healing Hands Foundation Guatemala The other part of their co-impact sourcing model is that they cut out the middle man to provide better relationships, proper pay, and more opportunities for their sourcing partners. This is really powerful in making a positive global impact, and this is really important to me in creating a better world. More information on dōTERRA’s Co-Impact Sourcing: https://www.doterra.com/SG/en_SG/difference-co-impact-sourcing Not only that, but they’re sourcing plants from their natural habitats where they grow and thrive naturally. Sure, Canada has the infrastructure and resources to grow lemon trees, but they don’t naturally grow here. A lemon from Brazil, or Italy however, that lemon is going to be much more potent and pure, and easier to harvest and grow. The sourcing model is sustainable. dōTERRA Lemon Essential Oil 3. Leadership The team leading dōTERRA believes in the integrity of their product and their company. A team of great leaders who want to empower their employees, partners, and customers to up-level their health, wealth and lives. dōTERRA’s Seven Founding Executives 4. Culture At my first convention I was really ready to “drink the Kool-Aid” as they call it, but the truth is, I walked into a warm and welcoming community of people with core values of health, and helping others that aligned with me and my values. So many people have been willing to help me succeed and grow and support one another in this community. There are also so many resources to support customers and advocates in dōTERRA, here are some free ebooks 5. Compensation I’ve done my fair share of research into a variety of network marketing companies and few compare to dōTERRA’s very generous compensation plan. I have been so grateful for this level of compensation, even more when my “day job” took a dark turn when studio’s shut down and I wasn’t getting that pay cheque. I still had residual/passive income coming in from helping and teaching people how to use and purchase their own oils and natural solutions. [11:33] #2. How do you use essential oils? Episode #35: The Simplest Ways to Use Your Essential Oils There are four main ways to use essential oils: 1. Aromatically This is the most common way to use essential oils. You can place oils in a diffuser, you can add a drop to your palms and create a hand diffuser by cupping your hands and taking a few deep breaths, you can add oils to a cotton ball and place it in the vent of your car, you can add them to a dryer sheet for a fresh scent for your laundry, you can make a mister spray and spray a room with a blend you’ve created. 2. Topically Most oils can be used on your skin. Some uses for these types of oils are for glowing skin, soothing sores or muscle tension. You can also use the oils on your hair and nails to support your health that way. I like dōTERRA’s ZenGest (aka DigestZen) on my belly to help with bloating and tummy trouble. Essential oils can be readily absorbed into the skin and some really popular areas for using the oils are: soles of the feet, pulse points, and the spine. They make for great PUREfumes, and you can also use them in a moisturizer, bath salt blend, or for a hot/cold compress. (In question #5 I’ll share more info about best practices for topical use.) 3. Internally You can ingest some of dōTERRA’s essential oils. Some of the benefits of internal use are:promoting healthy cell function, supporting gastrointestinal health, maintain healthy immune function, or internal cleansing benefits. They’re also great for adding potent flavours to food and beverages! This is dōTERRA's excellent free ebook that talks specifically about internal use. 4. Environmentally The fourth way to use essential oils is environmentally. This is similar to topical, however I’m speaking specifically to surfaces other than your body. The most common way to use oils environmentally is through green cleaning! Making household cleaners, sprays, and recipes as well as recipes for wood polish are some of the ways to use dōTERRA’s products. Here is the link to the Green Cleaning eBook I created for specific recipes! Mister Spray Recipes: @vallavignelife [14:57] #3. What do I need to know about using oils safely? This is a great question, and if you’re new to essential oils, you’ll want to listen up! One of the reasons why aromatic use is the most popular way to use essential oils is because it is the safest. You can diffuse and smell oils all day long. Topical and internal use, there is a little more you’ll want to understand, especially depending on the age of the person using the oils since oils are so potent. I’m going to share an oil safety usage chart in the show notes page for you and this will explain how many drops you can use for adults and children topically and internally. Some best practices for safe essential oil use are: Always read the labels. This is the easiest way to know if there are any warnings or recommendations made by the manufacturer Avoid certain areas. Inside your nose, ears, eyes, broken skin, or other sensitive areas. I totally got peppermint oil a little too close to my eyes and I teared up for a while before it stopped irritating my eyes. Dilute oils to minimize skin sensitivity. The chart that I’ll share on the show notes page will have information on how to dilute the oils. A common way to dilute oils is with fractionated coconut oil, which is a type of carrier oil. I’ll talk more about this oil a little later in this episode. Know your strong oils. Some essential oils should always be diluted before putting them on the skin such as: Cassia, Cinnamon Bark, Clove, Oregano, and Thyme. Be careful of sun sensitivity. Some essential oils are photosensitive and pose a risk for sun sensitivity - mostly citrus oils! These oils include: Bergamot, Green Mandarin, Grapefruit, Lemon, Lime, Tangerine, and Wild Orange. This type of warning should be on the label. Avoid direct sunlight or UV rays for at least 12 hours following the use of these oils. dōTERRA oil safety guide More dōTERRA safety info [18:24] #4. Blending Essential Oils There are several questions I get when it comes to blending your essential oils. Like… [18:34] How do you blend them? Short answer: you put a couple drops of the oils in the diffuser, cup of epsom salts, or in a roller bottle and voila! Your oils are blended. If you’re not sure which oils blend well together, you can google or pinterest search different oil smells that compliment each other. I also have a few books that mention which oils blend well with the oils in the books. I will be sharing these books and a few other resources in question #6. The other thing I do is take off the caps of the oils and hold all the tops in my hand and smell them to see if I like the oils blended together before I actually put them in a roller or in the diffuser. If you like some oils more than others you can add more drops of the oils you like, and fewer of the oils you don’t necessarily love and still get the benefits of all the oils together! [19:38] What are your favourite diffuser blends? I can never choose just one favourite diffuser blend. There are so many great blends out there and I actually made a freebie called: 108 Diffuser Blends. Use the big yellow button do download your copy! But since we’re here, one of my favourite diffuser blends is “Liquid Sunshine” 4 drops grapefruit 3 drops cheer blend 1 drop peppermint [20:13] Walk us through the process of creating an oil blend for ______. This really depends on what kind of blend you want. For today I’ll use the examples of sleep, mood, and pain. The first thing I do is get out my Essential Life Book. I look up the ailment, body system or focus I want to support and check out the oils. [SLEEP] So when I go to the “sleep” section of the book I can see the top solutions, I can get more specific with certain conditions, and they also have some remedies here with specific recipes I can use. Here I see that Lavender, Vetiver, and Roman Chamomile oils are great for sleeping, and since I have all those oils I’ll open the bottles, smell them and create a diffuser blend. Since I like Lavender the best I’ll add a few extra drops of this in the diffuser along with Vetiver and Roamn Chamomile. [MOOD] When I search for “mood” I find the Mood and Behaviour section of the book and here I see more oils. Beside the oils it tells me a little more about how it supports the mood. For example it says lavender calms and relaxes, increases the ability to express feelings. WIld orange and tangerine melts away anxiousness and energizes. Cedarwood grounds, promotes a sense of belonging and being connected socially. Bergamot helps increase self-confidence. With this information I decide that I want to make a roller bottle for purefume and I mix these five oils together in the bottle. If I don’t know how many of each oil to put in, I will sometimes do equal parts or decide that I want a more earthy tone to the blend so I’ll add in more woody oils or I’ll put more cedarwood in the blend. [PAIN] For our last blending example, let’s talk about pain. There is a section in the book called Pain & Inflammation. You can get more specific on what sort of pain you are in and this will help determine which oils would be best to use to support this type of pain. One of the remedies in the book is for a sore muscle soak: mix 4 drops of black pepper, 2 drops of rosemary, 1 drop of ginger into ½ cup epsom salt. Add to a bathtub of hot water and soak for up to thirty minutes. Remember to drink lots of water while soaking and thereafter. I like all of these oils and I also like lemongrass, and from my own personal experience and research I know that lemongrass is supportive for the joints, tendons, ligaments, and lymphatic congestion so I will add some of that to the muscle soak as well! More than anything I find that what’s important is if you find a list of 5 oils that are beneficial and you have 3 of them, 3 is better than none. PLUS! A lot of oils have many benefits and can be used in multiple ways, like we saw with lavender in sleep and mood. [24:56] #5. What are carrier oils and how do we use them? Carrier oils are base oils and are named because they “carry” an essential oil to the skin. They are used to dilute essential oils before applying them directly to your skin. Typically they are cold-pressed oils that are produced from fatty portions of a specific plant. Some different carrier oils are: Fractionated Coconut OilThis is the carrier oil I use the most as it is light, doesn’t go rancid and leaves no residue. It’s great for all skin types, however I do not often use it on my face, unless it’s a roller blend for headaches which I use on my temples and forehead. Almond OilAlmond oil is popular for soothing dry or irritated skin. It’s slightly oily but great for beauty and other health recipes. Grapeseed OilThis oil is best for delicate skin types. It’s commonly used in cosmetics and is relatively odorless. Jojoba OilThis oil closely resembles natural oils of the skin. It’s waxy and more expensive than other carrier oils, however it has a non-greasy feeling and is odourless. Olive OilOlive oil is a well-recognized carrier oil popular for hair. It is high in vitamin and mineral count but it is very heavy, oily, and has a strong odor. To use these carrier oils will depend on what you’re using them for, however the simplest way to use them is to add a tsp of the carrier oil and your essential oils (see the dilution chart in the show notes page to know how many drops of the oil to use) and then massage it into your skin or area of concern. You can also use them when you make roller bottle blends. Add the oils to a roller bottle, top with the carrier oil. Close the bottle up, shake well and easily use topically! [26:59] #6. What Are Your Favourite Resources for Learning About Essential Oils? dōTERRA.com There are a lot of resources on the website all about their specific essential oils. Books The Essential Life Book, which is also available as an app Emotions & Essential Oils Advanced Oil Magic The Essential Oils Hormone Solution Renegade Beauty Instagram Searching the hashtag #doterra or #doterraessentailoils has gotten me a lot of great information and accounts to follow Pinterest There are endless essential oil recipes here, simply search whatever you’re looking for, and you can add “doterra” onto that. Podcasts Essential Oil Solutions with dōTERRA Healthy Essentials Podcast w/Lindsay Mustard Essentially You Podcast w/Dr. Mariza Snyder Hol:Fit Talks w/Ange Peters [28:48] #7. Which Essential Oils are a Must-Have? How Do We Choose Our First Oils? Excellent question! These are all great questions, and to be honest they all answer differently depending on the person. When choosing your first oils, you want to invest in the ones that support your most immediate health goals. Since we all have different health goals, our collection of oils will look a little differently. What I suggest is writing down all your health goals across the top of a page or spreadsheet. Then, research which oils support each of your goals. Write or type the oil names or oil blends out under each goal. Once you’ve created a list of oils for each of your goals, notice which oils show up in more than one list. Start with those oils. If you prefer, you can focus on one health goal at a time and choose a few oils that support a single goal. dōTERRA has a very popular enrolment kit for when you’re just starting out called the Healthy Essentials Collection and it is amazing! It comes with dōTERRA’s 10 most popular oils and blends like: Peppermint, Lavender, Lemon, Copaiba On Guard, Easy Air, Adaptiv, Balance & Deep Blue It also comes with their latest petal diffuser and is perfect for anyone who is really interested in taking control of their own health and elevating their wellness and their home environment. I use all of these oils almost every day. Not just in the diffuser, but some of them I also use typically or internally. The link to this kit is: Healthy Essentials Enrolment Collection. If you use the link, it will connect you to my wellness team and anyone who purchases this kit will also receive a 1:1 wellness consultation with me. This is where we discuss how to use these particular oils to support your health goals and really create rituals and routines to elevate your health. [31:04] #8. How Do You Use Essential Oils in Your Daily Life? This is a question I get often, and I also post a lot about this on my social media. It’s a question I can answer in a lot of depth so I decided to do so in a podcast episode. A couple of week’s ago I published an episode called Elevate Your Daily Routine with Essential Oils and I answered this question and more. Episode 88: Elevate Your Daily Routines with Essential Oils
Sacral Chakra Meditation and full show notes available at www.valerielavignelife.com/89 [00:56] Before we take a closer look at the sacral chakra, here is a quick review of the seven main chakras, also known as energy centres, in the body: Chakra One: Is the root chakra located at the base of the spine/tailbone Episode 64: Reclaim Your Roots with the First Chakra Chakra Two: Is the sacral chakra, located at the reproductive organs, below the belly button Episode 89: Sexuality & The Sacral Chakra Chakra Three: Is the core or solar plexus chakra, located in the abdomen above the belly button Episode 79: Confidence & The Core Chakra Chakra Four: is the heart chakra, at the centre of the chest Chakra Five: is the throat chakra, located at the throat Episode 58: Speak Your Truth with the Fifth Chakra Chakra Six: Is called the third eye chakra located at the forehead, between the eyebrows Episode 71: Intuition & The Third Eye Chakra And lastly, Chakra Seven: the crown chakra, located at the top of the head. [1:42] Not only do the chakras correspond with a specific location in the physical body, they also serve emotional, mental, and spiritual purposes. The second chakra, also called the sacral chakra, is a very fluid, emotional, and sexual energy centre. The meaning of this chakra; or the purpose is movement and connection. In Sanskrit the name for the Sacral Chakra is “Svadhisthana” which translates to “sweetness.” [2:11] The chakras also have colours, issues, identity, demons, characteristics, and much more. The themes around the second chakra will be centred around emotions, movement, sexuality, pleasure, flow, sensation, duality, and desire. This chakra is represented by the colour orange. As a very emotional energy centre in the body, it might not come as a surprise that the element of this chakra is water. We are moving away from the solid foundation of the first chakra, into the changing and shape shifting liquid of the second chakra. You can think of the first chakra as the cup or container, and the second chakra as the contents of that container. Without the container, the water element flows out leaving the cup to be empty and dry, but with a container that is too tight, there is nowhere for the water to flow. The water becomes stale and stagnant. [3:14] Change and flow become important pieces to this energy centre, because through change our consciousness finds expansion. As we grow, we also change. We are now learning to let go, and flow! In the physical world this means literally getting up and moving our bodies. Shake what your mama gave you! Through physical movement we change the appearance of our bodies, we build muscles, increase flexibility, release endorphins, and more. In play there is movement, and there is pleasure in play. We can also practice observing our movements, as our body language gives us information about emotions, and feelings. Even subtle changes in facial expressions can reveal different types of feelings. As I mentioned before, movement and connection are the essential functions of the second chakra. There are several different ways we can move, and there are also many ways we can connect and make contact. [4:15] For instance through sensation. Our senses can be seen as a gateway between the internal and external world. Take a moment to notice the sights, and sounds around you. As I am making my podcast notes I can hear the buzzing cicadas. I can see the words form on my computer screen. What about your sense of touch? What can you touch, what can you taste? When we sense something new, or bring awareness to a sense, our inner world changes. We take in the senses like data being uploaded to our overall system. Sensations help us connect and give meaning to our experiences. Senses can be seen as information, not only from the outside world, but also from our own bodies. It is a language other than English, which I am speaking to you right now. Understanding the sensations we feel, see, hear, taste, and smell allows us to communicate with our own bodies. [5:44] Pleasure* is another form of contact and connection. Once you’ve accomplished your daily tasks or to-do list, what’s your next move? It’s probably going to be drawing a bubble bath, or lounging on the coach. Maybe it means coming home from a long day at work and taking off your bra as soon as you walk through the door. In her book, Eastern Body Western Mind, Anodea Judith writes, “Pleasure invites us to extend, expand, and tune in to our senses.” She continues later to say, “Our culture equates maturity with the ability to deny pleasure. We are often told to put our pleasures away as we grow older - to sit still, work hard, deny or control our feelings” This denial results in the constriction I talked about before. When movement, emotions, energy, water, is constricted, we limit ourselves and build up the charge that has no way of flowing or letting go. Which then leads to rigidity, disconnection, and discomfort; a lack of pleasure. *[6:58] Emotions are a huge part of this chakra. The senses are bringing in the information, where our feelings are sending us information from our unconscious. Our emotions also influence our reactions, so even though our feelings have a mind of their own, we can still choose to respond to our emotions. This becomes more difficult when we bottle them up, or when there is an imbalance in the sacral chakra and the energy/emotions cannot flow! Allowing this flow, this releasing of emotions, frees the body, and we can do this through movement. Last summer I was healing and grieving a loss. Any time I experienced emotions starting to bubble up to the surface, any time I felt discomfort, anger, sadness, or grief, I would grab my yoga mat and intuitively move my body. I did this almost every single day for the entire summer. It was so great to get on my mat outside in the fresh air. Sometimes in the scorching heat. But every time my body moved, and I was able to breathe deeper, move further, and release the feelings that moved through me. Coincidentally I was also practicing beside a pool, and even close to the ocean when I visited California last summer. Lots of healing through movement, and connecting to the element water, and the sacral chakra. [9:23] Another expression of the second chakra is sexuality. Sexuality goes beyond our self connection, or the connection to experiences, and connects us with another. It is also the basic force of attraction, uniting desire and grounding us for our next chakra: power. To embrace the essence and energy of sexuality, we must also have the capacity to surrender, the ability to flow with nature, and the emotional body. In our culture, like play and pleasure, sexuality is greatly misunderstood. We’ll discuss this more in a moment when we get into the deficiencies of the second chakra, however guilt locks the gateway to transformation and pleasure. This results in sexuality being rejected and hiding in a shadow where it takes on a dark form that desperately seeks connection. [10:35] Reclaiming our second chakra means reclaiming our own right feel, and our right to healthy sexuality. This means connecting to our senses, allowing our emotions to flow, experiencing pleasure unapologetically, being passionate about what we desire, and a healthy expression of sexuality. When a chakra is balanced, it is healthy. A healthy sacral chakra can be seen through: * Grateful movements * Emotional intelligence * The ability to experience pleasures * Nurturing self and nurturing others * The ability to change and * Healthy boundaries
Sacral chakra deficiencies include: * Rigidity in the body and attitudes * Frigidity and/or fear of sex * Poor social skills * Denial of pleasure * Excessive boundaries * Fear of change
Sacral chakra excess include: * Sexual acting out, sexual addiction * Pleasure addiction * Excessively strong emotions * Oversensitive * Poor boundaries, invasion of others * Seductive manipulation * Emotional dependency
[12:04] The climate of our culture is stormy in regards to conversations, attitudes, and healing the sacral chakra. It’s difficult to understand or distinguish what a healthy sexuality is, how to do “emotional work,” how to set and respect healthy boundaries. The best way that I approach my own chakra healing is encouraging balance. Consider your chakras as sphere’s of energy swirling around and around. Sit in silence, stillness, and meditation to determine whether your second chakra is excess or deficient. As you connect with yourself, consider the other parts of the sacral chakra: emotions, pleasure, sensation, movement, sexuality, desire, and guilt. Notice where your energy fits along the spectrum and you will know whether to release your sensations and excitement or whether to contain your emotions and energy. When you are practicing any type of healing, it’s important to provide a safe space. This will help promote the healing. A safe space means allowing the energy to move, flow, and restore balance in the body. Remember that feelings of shame and guilt lock the gateway to transformation and pleasure. For emotions to flow, we need to remove locks. This can take time as trauma and ongoing stress interrupt and upset the flow of energy. Healing also requires permission to feel and release, and transform. [14:09] Movement and emotions are essential to healing the second chakra. I think this is why my grief healing went so smoothly last year, because I allowed myself to feel the emotions, and I moved through them, breathed through them. I also believe that sitting and holding your emotions can be an important part to honouring your feelings. As if to say, “I see you, I hear you, I feel your pain.” This can be helpful to the beginning of the healing process, however it’s very important to let them go and let love flow through. As I mentioned, the healing process takes time. Think of it as thawing an ice cube. The emotions are cold, constricted, hard. With time and warmth the ice cube begins to melt, taking the shape of water and slowly flowing. Someone once told me, “When you cry, your heart is healing.” and I think of it as the ice cold pain in my heart melting and releasing the suffering. Allowing that pain to move and flow. [17:37] The opposite form of healing would be for an excessive second chakra to create containment of the emotions and excitement. Anodea Judith writes, “Containment means not acting immediately upon a feeling, urge, desire, or energy before it can come fully into consciousness, where it might be too threatening. Without containment, there is no storage of energy and virtually no power.” It’s not about denying or ignoring experiences, it’s about responding instead of reacting. Ultimately it’s about becoming emotionally intelligent. We can recognize our level of emotional intelligence based on how we habitually respond to certain situations. We will notice it the most under stress, pressure, or when we’re feeling anger or anxiety. We can learn what we do, and also learn about other tools and ways to resolve this poor reaction to something more constructive. For example: when I am feeling anxious I typically start to feel panicked and hold my breath. Sometimes this leads to overwhelm and crying. Since I know this about myself, I chose to learn about alternative tools to coping with these anxious feelings. Before I get anywhere near feelings of panic, I take several deep breaths and start to slow my breathing down. Big belly breaths help calm the nervous system. Then I can step into a more focused mindset, and understand the situation more clearly: What is the issue? What is in my control? Who can I reach out to for guidance or support? When I’m feeling angry I tend to lash out and speak - or raise my voice - and say things without thinking first. Knowing this, I now connect to my breath, and count to 10 in my head. It sounds very elementary, and it’s because it is. The difference between a child counting to 10 when they’re angry, and how I’m doing it, is that while I’m counting I am also using the THINK method. Also elementary for some: T.H.I.N.K. stands for: T is it true? H is it helpful? I is it inspiring? N is it necessary? K is it kind? More often than not, when I am angry, what I want to say is none of these things, so I breathe and let the not-so-positive thought go so that I can move onto something more constructive. [21:04] When it comes to sexual healing, this is an area that our culture tries to separate or hide from important conversations. But sexual healing can not be done in isolation because it involves many levels of consciousness. It requires all parts of the sacral chakra: desire, emotion, movement, sensation, pleasure, as they all need to work together to heal our sexuality. This begins within ourselves and our connection to ourselves. Understand our desires, emotions, movements, sensations, and pleasures. Learning how to balance them, and how to heal. BOOK: Eastern Body, Western Mind by Anodea Judith
www.valerielavignelife.com/88 for the full show notes + links [00:25] Hello and welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast, I am your host Valerie LaVigne, and I am so grateful that you are choosing to listen to this particular podcast today. I recently learned that there are over 1 million different podcasts out there, and to know that you are listening to this one, well it is an absolute honour. Another really exciting moment for the podcast this month was that we have officially reached over 10,000 unique downloads, and I could not have done that without you. Thank you so much! Honestly, it means the world. If you haven’t already, I would love for you to write your honest review over on iTunes. It helps me to create more episodes and for more people to find and benefit from the show. Also if you want to connect with me personally, leave a comment at the bottom of this page. I love meeting the listeners and getting to know you all better, so don’t be shy! You can also connect with me on instagram @vallavignelife! Speaking of instagram! I usually use this platform to connect with my audience to learn more about what you’d love to hear on the show. I find that I pop into the stories and slide into dms asking some of my listeners turned followers or followers turned listeners and ask them if they have any ideas, suggestions, or questions. I was pleasantly surprised about how many essential oil questions I got! WHOA! I actually got so many that I’ve decided to make the upcoming Q&A episode about the most popular questions, and while I was organizing all the questions I discovered a very interesting theme or idea for a separate episode. [2:24] This underlying theme was how I use dōTERRA products and oils in my everyday life, and as I was thinking of how to answer I realized that it’s a huge part of my lifestyle and it needed it’s own episode. So today I bring to you: How to Elevate Your Daily Routines with Essential Oils. I’ll speak more about this in episode 90, but for now I’ll explain one of the main reasons I chose dōTERRA for all my essential oils instead of any other company. And the main reason is because of their quality and transparency. When it comes to essential oils, high quality is the most important factor. If an essential oil isn’t 100 percent pure, it’s not going to work. The problem is, essential oils have become very popular, very mainstream over the last few years, and although this is exciting, it’s also very concerning for people like me who actually understand the power of oils and the industry. There is no governing body that regulates the essential oil industry. This means that anyone and everyone can label their bottle of “essential oil” as 100 percent pure even if it’s mostly synthetic fragrance AKA FAKE! dōTTERA is the leader in the essential oil market and natural health space for many reasons, but one of those reasons is transparency. They label each bottle and batch of essential oil with a code which you can then use to look up the exact chemical constituents of that bottle. They tell you exactly what’s in it, no problem, because they know that they have an incredible product and the highest quality. They have the highest standard and have created their own quality standard called CPTG Certified Pure Tested Grade. Which means each of their oils and products go through multiple forms of testing to ensure the highest quality of oils. If you have other oils at home that you purchased from a health food store or another essential oil company, you could definitely get it tested to better understand the quality of that specific bottle, but to get these test results you’ll need to pay about $200 per test. I bet you can guess why most people don’t get their $8 dollar bottle of Frankincense that they bought from Whole Foods tested. In fact, I’ll save you the $8 + $200 right now to tell you that a bottle of pure frankincense oil is going to cost you more than $8 (and less than $100!) But anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that I trust dōTERRA, and only dōTERRA for all my essential oils. I’ve mentioned that essential oils have become more popular, and you’ve probably even heard of dōTERRA before, that’s great! Did you know that dōTERRA is way more than oils? They actually have heaps of other everyday lifestyle products that include oils for extra benefits and natural solutions! How incredible is that!? [5:37] In fact, Heather, one of the listeners asked: How do you use dōTERRA in your life? To answer this question I thought I would take you a little behind the scenes into some of my daily routines. Starting with Wake Up: I get up, open the windows and make the bed every morning. Some mornings I will put the diffuser on, or I’ll choose an oil or blend to wear as “PUREfume” Here are 4 of my favourite morning diffuser blends: LIQUID SUNSHINE3 drops Cheer Blend 4 drops Grapefruit 1 drop Peppermint FRUITY PEBBLES2 drops Lemongrass 2 drops Grapefruit 2 drops Bergamot FIND A BALANCE2 drops Hawaiian Sandalwood 4 drops Balance Blend NO WORRIES3 drops Lime 2 drops Wild Orange 1 drop Easy Air (aka Breathe) Blend dōTERRA makes roller bottles that are pre-diluted called “touch” bottles for convenient topical use and I like those for the PUREfumes. Usually the floral oils like: Rose touch Lavender touch Magnolia touch Jasmine touch Neroli Touch I will either choose one, or blend a couple together. Usually putting them on my pulse points, or drawing them in a heart-shape around my chest. [6:54] Next I drink water and take my morning dōTERRA supplements. The ones I take first thing are: Deep Blue Polyphenol complex This is a blend of powerful polyphenols clinically tested to help soreness and discomfort from physical activities and daily life. I’ll usually take these when I’ve changed up my workout routine, or when I’ve done more hiking, trekking, climbing, that sort of thing. Mito 2 Max This is a blend of adaptogenic herbs and extracts with energy co-factors made to increase mitochondrial biogensis and overall energy while correlating the stress response due to physical activity and daily life. I will take them for a month and then take a break, and then take them again, alternating. I do this because I like my body to be able to do things without external support, but I also know that I don’t always get the support I need and I feel really great when I’m consistently taking this supplement. On Guard Softgel One of my favourite softgels by dōTERRA is this blend of several essential oils in a convenient softgel that protects the immune system from foreign invaders (pathogens). I take this daily when I’m building my immune system or if I feel like I’m more susceptible to getting sick. Yarrow | Pom Cellular Beauty ComplexThis is one of dōTTERA’s newer supplements, it combines clinically studied extracts and a powerful blend of essential oils to provide powerful antioxidant support for healthy, luminous skin with an irresistible glow from the inside out. (doterra.com) [8:32] Sometimes when I make my morning coffee I’ll add a drop of essential oil to mix up the taste, some of my go-to oils for coffee are: Peppermint, and I’ll add some organic hot chocolate mix or cacao for a peppermint mocha flavour Wild Orange is a fun flavour to add into a frozen coffee or a hot one! Cassia is like a sweeter cinnamon bark oil and I was obsessed with this in my macchiato shots for a little while! You could also try Cardamom, Ginger, Spearmint, or Lavender! [9:03] I like to workout in the mornings and you better believe I use dōTTERA’s oils and products to support my physical health. Mito2Max is an excellent energy booster in the morning, but I also like the “Energy” Roller bottle I make! I use this on my forearms and neck before working out. The recipe is: ENERGY ROLLER BOTTLE 10 drops Motivate Blend 8 drops Spearmint 5 drops Peppermint Add oils to a 10ml roller bottle, top with FCO (fractionated coconut oil), shake well and use for a burst of good vibes! [9:36] My boyfriend LOVES dōTTERA’s Deep Blue Rub, and he likes to use it before the workout because he says it activates his muscles, I usually use it after my workout to soothe my muscles. You can use it for both! Easy Air, aka Breathe Blend is one of my absolute favourite oils. I use this for hiking, spinning, working out, breath work, yoga classes, before bed. I love it SO MUCH! It comes in a touch roller, in a regular essential oil bottle, and it’s also available in a vapour stick form. Personally I love the touch roller and keep it in my gym bag or when we hike in the backpack LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! [10:18] So I don’t always lift weights, but sometimes i do yoga and pilates. dōTTERA has a yoga collection of three oils called Align, Anchor, and Arise Align is the “Centering Blend” some complimentary yoga poses to use this oil with are: Seated mediation, warrior 2, triangle, gate pose, and extended side angle. Anchor is the “Steadying Blend” which is also great for seated meditation, seated twists, Bhu Mudra which is also known as the mother earth mudra. And Arise is the “Enlightened Blend” is great with volcano pose, standing side stretch, and half moon. You don’t have to do these poses with the oils, but they’re complimentary to the blends. I’ll diffuse these when I teach and when I do my self practice. Another one of my favourite blends was the second dōTTERA blend I fell in love with (the first was Easy Air) the second was Balance blend. This is the “Grounding Blend” and it is very earthy and lovely and I’m totally obsessed with it still. When I’m feeling anxious I’ll rub it onto the soles of my feet morning and night and it is really a calming and relaxing ritual for me. [11:38] Speaking of rituals… Candice, another listener asked: Do you have a ritual when using oils? I do have a few rituals that I use the oils with, and some of them I do daily, others I do occasionally. Some of the “occasional rituals” would be more spiritual like during the new moon or full moons, or during intention setting/goal setting. Sometimes I make diffuser blends or rollers based on the energy of the moons, or I will grab an oil I’m most drawn to for manifesting. A ritual that I love is creating a bath salt recipe with oils. My favourite epsom salt blends: RELAXATION5 drops Lavender 3 drops Frankincense HIGH VIBE3 drops Copaiba 5 drops Balance Blend CLARIFYING5 drops Wild Orange 2 drops Eucalyptus RECOVERY8 drops Deep Blue Blend 8 drops AromaTouch Blend [12:32] Another sort of “oil ritual” I have is before I go on a live show, or before I record a podcast I will use spearmint which is the “Oil of Confident Speech” Lavender is another great oil for this as it is the oil of “Communication and Calm” Most of the time I am drawn to an oil intuitively and I will diffuse it or put it on the back of my neck, on my chest, or put a drop in my palms and take a few deep breaths before presenting or recording a podcast. [13:03] Getting back to more of a daily ritual, I use other supplements that dōTTERA has: Their LifeLong Vitality Pack or LLV which contains three supplements: ALPHA CRS+This is packed with nature’s most potent anti-oxidants, natural anti-inflammatories, and energy cofactos, this blend of synergistic herbs will give life and energy to the cells and a sense of well being to the body. MicroPlex VMzA revolutionary micronutrient supplement providing naturally balanced amounds of all vitamins, minerals, trace elements, phytonuritines and antioxidants that give your body the most beneficial and safe amounts needed for long term health and vitality. xEO MEGA A blend of marine base and land base omega essential fatty acids in a unique assimilation capsule with essential oils and fat-soluble vitamins. This is the only omega supplement I’ve ever stuck with my entire life. I know we’ve been talking about a lot of oils and products, and like I’ve mentioned, it’s a lifestyle! [14:16] So let’s get into showering… haha I have a dry brush self care habit that I do before the shower and I know I’ve shared this on instagram, here are two of the recipes I use: DRY BRUSH SPRAY ONE: Gentle CirculationAdd 20 drops of each to a 60ml spray bottle, top with FCO (Fractionated Coconut Oil), shake up, and spray. Cypress Eucalyptus Frankincense Rosemary DRY BRUSH SPRAY TWO: Citrus ExfoliationAdd 30-50 drops of Smart & Sassy Blend (aka Slim & Sassy) to dōTERRA’s verage skin care toner. Shake well and spray. I spray the oil mixture + FCO onto the dry brush and use it on my skin before the shower. In the shower I use eucalyptus or easy air for a eucalyptus steam shower vibe. I also use dōTTERA’s body wash because I’m obsessed with it! And I am also obsessed with dōTTERA’s verage skincare collection. [14:50] Now post shower things start to get a little more interesting… I finish with the verage skin care routine: toner, serum, moisturizer, with a drop of yarrow pom oil. For my body I either use the yarrow pom serum or the hydrating body mist with beautiful blend, they’re both amazing, you can't go wrong. As I was preparing this episode I honestly thought to myself, how don’t I use these products in my life? That would have been a much shorter episode hahaha dōTTERA also has other great bathroom products like their foaming hand wash, body wash, whitening toothpaste, and mouth wash! We have a hand wash in each bathroom + in the kitchen as well. [15:38] Speaking of the kitchen, this is where we also keep our On Guard cleaner concentrate which is a safe, natural, and effective cleaning solution that can be easily diluted and used on almost every surface. We also use it to wash produce, 1 tbsp + couple drops of Lemon EO. If I’m missing an herb or spice I’ll use oils in cooking but I haven’t played with this myself too much. Usually make a salad dressing if anything. HOL:FIT HERBACEOUS LOVE DRESSING¼ c ACV or white wine vinegar ¼ c Olive Oil 1 tbsp Yellow Mustard 1 drop dōTTERA Celery Seed oil 2 drops dōTTERA Lemon oil [16:20] For laundry we use dōTTERA’s On Guard Laundry Detergent with a few drops of Tea Tree oil. You can also use oils like lavender or eucalyptus or balance blend for your dryer balls. [16:33] Before bed I take a few more supplements…. Serenity Soft Gels Turmeric Capsules Copiaba Soft Gels Adaptive Capsules Quick + Important Disclaimer for Legal Purposes: Since I sell essential oils, it's important for me to tell you that I have to comply to certain regulations since essential oils aren't regulated by Health Canada or the FDA. So the benefits and claims made on this website and in the podcast are not approved by these parties. I like using easy air in the diffuser or on my chest/bottoms of the feet before bed. There is also Serenity, the restful blend that works great for transitioning into sleep either a drop on the pillow or in the diffuser with Cedarwood is also amazing. [18:08] Most of these oils and products I use every single day, but some of them I use most days.There isn’t a day that I go without using some sort of oil or oil infused dōTTERA product! But it wasn’t always like this. I actually started with a handful of oils and since then my collection of oils and products has grown! I like to try a new oil or product each month. Or play with an oil I don’t use very often and try new things with it. [18:36] Another one of our listeners, Michelle, asked: How to start integrating them into your every day practice? This is a really amazing question, and I wanted to save it for last. Because yes, listening to this whole daily routine of how I use ALL of these incredible and supportive products for my health does seem a little overwhelming, and when you’re first getting into dōTTERA it can be a lot. I know because I totally felt that in the beginning. But the key comes back to some of my basic teachings on habits and creating a healthy lifestyle that you can be excited about and consistent with. The first basic principle is to pick ONE area of your health to focus on at a time. Some examples would be: NUTRITION SLEEP EXERCISE EMOTIONS MEDITATION CLEANING/HOME Choose ONE area of your health and start there. I promise you, whatever you want to “elevate” or “upgrade” there is an oil for that. And when I offer wellness consultations for people who are interested in bringing these powerful natural solutions into their home, I always ask them what are their top three health goals? This is our starting point! Once you have your health goals/starting point, we figure out which oils would best support your goal and make it into a daily routine/habit/ritual that is specific to you. [20:01] Something I love to do is meditate in the morning, or hold space with some deep breaths before I start the day. Some great oils that can elevate your centering practice are: Easy Air (akak Breathe blend), Peppermint, and Eucalyptus, Cypress. To use these in your meditation practice, place a drop of the oil in your palm, rub the hands together gently and then cup both hands over your nose and mouth creating a hand diffuser. Breathe deeply setting the intentions for your day. If you have goals to support happy, glowing skin, you could start with some of dōTTERA’s essential oils for skin, or one of their wonderful skincare collections. As a daily ritual, use the oils on your skin (face, body, or both - depending), and speak kindly to yourself in the mirror as you use the products on your skin. Tell yourself what you love about you, give a coy wink to yourself in the mirror, or repeat positive affirmations. If you have goals for better sleep, we can look at which oils are best for a bedtime routine, and create the perfect evening routine for you, using the support of your new oils, diffuser, or other products! Along with all the other products, resources, and recipes I shared, I’m going to include a free copy of my monthly wellness box guide with the yellow button below. It’s a free resource I created to share with you some different dōTTERA products I use based on different health goals.
Get the full show notes at: www.valerielavignelife.com/TheBurnOutClinic The Burnout Clinic [1:20] Shirley! Thank you so much for joining me today for another incredible bonus episode, I am so happy to have you here! For those listening who don’t know you yet, tell us about yourself, and your journey to finding and creating meaningful work. Journey started off when Shirley was in school for Child and Youth Care, when she was learning about burnout and self care because it is very predominant in the field. However little did she expect that she would be experiencing burnout. A lot of times it's when we're so passionate about what we do. For Shirley she has always followed her dreams and built careers on her passions and what she loves. While following her dreams she was recognizing patterns of burnout. The Burnout Clinic understands that burnout is a systemic problem that is more prevalent, especially as technology advances, the world is moving quicker and demanding more. At the Burnout Clinic they work at helping individuals recognize it and change the way that we work so that it's more empowering. [3:00] Tell us more about the unique methodology and approach you use on your clients, and why it’s so impactful? The Burnout Clinic has two approaches. The first is a 2-day therapeutic intervention in Belize, and the second is 1:1 coaching to learn tools to help you move forward. The 2-Day Breakthrough is a deep dive into your unconscious and understanding the root cause of your burnout. The first day is an intensive session with several questions to uncover current problems in all areas of life. From these stories and experiences, we look for patterns and see which limiting beliefs are so deeply rooted and connected into each of these areas of life. Once we release this, there is usually an overwhelming release of emotions. On the second day is where mental and 5 base emotional release are done (anger, sadness, fear, hurt, and guilt). Coaching can be an add on or a separate method. Some will need coaching or help with accountability, and the life moving forward could need support to move forward. [7:36] Who would benefit most from the services you offer? 2-day Breakthrough: Anyone at rock bottom. Examples: Someone experiencing a recent divorce; anyone who's imposture syndrome has stopped them from taking action; someone who's anxiety is impeding their life; when a person is really fed up and has noticed patterns repeating and health/relationships/or career has come to a halt. For coaching, it's more for anyone who is mildly impacted by their unconscious mind, or their limiting beliefs, or their emotions. [9:15] Let's say we're not sure which category we fall in, but we know we need help. Where do we start? How do we work with you? You can book a free consultation on the website: www.TheBurnoutClinic.com Most limiting beliefs are because of internal conflicts and most of these can be released within a 30 minute coaching session. [10:44] This is more of a personal question, but since I learned this information I’ve been dying to ask you! What was it like to trek to the base camp of Mount Everest!? Shirley describes herself as a very curious person by nature, and soon discovered that this experience was a learning lesson as well. She hikes and portages regularly in Ontario, Canada and was excited to climb with her friend. Within a few days she was experience negative side effects of the altitude sickness medication, along with other elements of the hike. One of the reasons Shirley likes to challenge herself and why she went for the journey because she knows that when you're alone and putting one foot in front of the other, you don't have anyone else aside from you and your thoughts. She would ask, "how do I break my mental self down... and then to pick myself up?" She would grow so much more form these experiences, looking for the next mountain to climb. [13:07] Talk about mental strength and a healthy mindset! What were the thoughts going through your mind, and how did you overcome the mental and physical challenge? Before you even start trekking you have to take the shortest and most dangerous runways in the world and the plane needs to land there and you start there. So it's an exciting adventure! In the beginning you'll notice your body starting to get sore, and it's easy to encourage yourself to move forward and keep one foot in front of the other. The next day you do it all again and this is where you have to work on your perseverance and the mental challenge and requirement comes into play. As you start getting higher in altitude it starts getting harder to breathe and this is where you have to be more gentle with yourself. Taking breaks before you need the break, and being okay with that, even if everyone else is sprinting ahead. Listen to your own judgements to yourself and stop comparing yourself to others because this self talk doesn't serve you. Around day four or five Shirley broke down. It was cold at night and she was just with herself thinking "shit, what did you sign yourself up for!?" You might have a little panic and break down and cry like Shirley did, but she found her mental cheerleader and after her release she picked herself back up and brought awareness to what cheers her on and keeps her motivated to go the distance. [17:35] How is it that some people can challenge themselves with these incredible climbs and go through this mental and physical challenge, yet when they're faced with starting their own business, or another example that is a lot less life-threatening, how do they overcome those stuck spots? A lot of it is fear. When we're not taking action, it's based from fear. Our thoughts that we're aware of are in our conscious mind, but the root perpetuating it comes form our unconscious mind, that might be coming from a childhood or past experience. We all want to avoid anything that is painful. It doesn't have to be physically painful, but thinking of all of the parts involved in building a business, or making any change to happen, there is a lot involved. There are four requisites of change: #1. The Release Work: releasing the fears, limiting beliefs, negative emotions #2. Set Your Goal: that is supported by your unconscious mind so that you remove the self-sabotage. #3. Take Action: when we don't take action, it's because it goes back to the fear; what root is holding us back? #5. The Focus: understand where you're putting you focus so that you can reach your goal [20:28] Candice asks: What are some ways to tap into the unconscious mind? One of the tools Shirley likes to use is HAKALAU, which is a Hawaiian word and means "a state of being" similar to being in "the zone." This is what it means to be connected to your subconscious. To get into hakalau physically, it is connecting your focus and then expanding your focus and tunnel vision into your peripheries. From there we are more connected to our parasympathetic system, we're out of the fight or flight and we're a lot more calm and centred, and this is where our unconscious mind can naturally just flow out. TRY IT! Wiggle your fingers in front of you at around 11 o'clock and 1 o'clock, while keeping your focus on the space in front of you, choose a focal point. Gradually pull the fingers back and notice how focused and relaxed you feel. You can change your focus and also do this without your hands. The Unconscious Mind [23:05] For those who want to experience a deeper connection to their unconscious, what would your recommend for them? You can use hakalau, at the same time, the unconscious mind is like a muscle and it needs to be strengthened. Asking the unconscious mind if it's okay for me to do this release and trusting, and listening so that we can recognize what is coming up for us. [24:14] You're saying the word "Action" a lot, and this is something I teach in my coaching; it's that action is where the magic happens. Let's talk about manifesting and the unconscious mind! When it comes to manifesting our dreams and goals, where do we start? Walk us through the steps. When we talk about energy, there are four bodies and three selves: Higher Self, Unconscious Self, Conscious Self Spiritual Body, Mental Body, Emotional Body, Physical Body When we talk about manifesting, a lot of times we're bringing something down our four bodies from spiritual to physical. We have to move through each body before it manifests physically for us. The mental and emotional blocks and fears are what stop us from taking action. These need to be cleared and unblocked before we can manifest. [27:57] Rubani Asks: about the mental and emotional process and how to change your mind to think something else when it’s been accustomed to a whole different way of your life? Shirley uses Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Neuro = Mind Linguistic = Language Programming = similar to an App on your phone These are neuro-pathways of our mind, like a manual for our mind. Using NLP we can change the neuro-pathways and support the unconscious mind to going in the direction that we want. It's scientific and efficient when it comes to making changes in our life. [31:50] Is there something you do, to get out of your own blocks, like a morning routine? Shirley meditates every morning, as a way to set the tone for the day. Before each going call she grounds and make sure she feels centred. Shirley also journals. Using a mind dump page to help her bring awareness. THEN she blocks off time to actually do the work, not just the awareness of the block, but actually removing it or planting a new belief. In the evening she sits with herself and checks them off. [33:54] How long does it take for someone to get over a specific block, for example, procrastination? 20 minutes! The coaching call is an hour and there is some pre-work before using the tool. The changes are difficult in the conscious mind, not in the unconscious mind. [39:69] Candice asks: Are there ways we can recognize and prevent burnout? Burnout is when you expend more energy than you can replenish, as a habit. At a low point it's a feeling of deep and dark sadness or low energy. But you can also recognize it in different areas of your life like your health, career, relationships. You're cynical, anxious, reactive, doubtful, etc. You're not showing up as your best self and it's effecting relationships. So there are a lot of signs. At the Burnout Clinic they focus on the mid to late stage where self care just isn't enough. [44:35] Where can we find you, where can we follow you? INSTAGRAM | @theburnoutclinic WEBSITE | www.TheBurnoutClinic.com [45:18] Is there anything else you'd like to add about the unconscious mind or The Burnout Clinic? The unconscious mind is always there to support you. It's a very powerful tool to harness with the right techniques, and it's not complicated or scary. Being able to harness that is where your empowerment comes from, because you get to take responsibility and ownership to then make the changes that you want. The Burnout Clinic, if you're interested in our services, get the BOOK: Mental & Emotional Release by Matt James and Tris Thorp this will give you more insight into the process. Rapid Fire Round [46:55] 1. What are you currently reading, or what’s your favourite book?* AUDIO BOOK: Beyond Mars and Venus by John Gray *[47:08] 2. What are you currently working toward? Personal health and fitness, and abundance [47:20] 3. What do you love most about being a woman? The balance between the masculine and feminine energy and finding that fit, and it's always shifting ant it's a beautiful dance. [47:35] 4. What does empowerment mean to you? Empowerment is recognizing that you have the ability and power to make the changes and to live the life that you want and to be able to take action towards it.
full show notes available at: www.valerielavignelife.com/87 [00:33] Leah emailed me one day and we got to chatting about intermittent fasting, among a couple other things, and while we were emailing back and forth Leah said, “this could be a great future episode.” I loved the suggestion and I had kept a note of the topic with some of our conversation, but it sat in my google docs for a little over a month before I actually figured out what this podcast was going to be, and how I would make it purposeful for the audience. The reason I didn’t jump on the idea right away is because I don’t practice intermittent fasting anymore. And I don’t like to teach or talk about anything that I don’t do myself. However, intermittent fasting has been a really big piece to getting to where I am today when it comes to my relationship with food, and how I eat. So before we get into where I am now, let’s jump back to about three years ago when I first committed to intermittent fasting. I say “committed” because I had heard of it before and I had thought about trying it, but I never actually stuck to it. [1:40] Intermittent fasting has become a very popular trend in the health and fitness world. If you haven’t already heard of it, healthline has a really simple definition which is: “it’s an eating pattern that cycles between periods of fasting and eating.” It’s not about what you’re eating, but actually when you’re eating. Therefore it isn’t a diet, but an eating pattern. [2:04] There are so many different ways of fasting, and fasting isn’t new by any means.It’s been done for centuries by religious groups, and for spiritual reasons. I’ve fasted for a week at a mediation centre before - I’ll save that for a different episode… The intermittent fasting pattern is one of two methods: The first is a daily 16-hour fast. And the second is fasting for 24 hours, twice per week. When I tried this pattern I did the first method, fasing daily for 16-hours. Most people would agree that the first method is the simplest and the easiest to stick to. Here’s how it works: * You’re allowed to eat in an 8 hour window of the day, and you can choose when the 8 consecutive hours are. I was waking up around 5:30 or 6am so I chose 11am - 7pm * During that 8 hours you’re eating whatever you want * But for the other 16 hours of the day, you’re fasting. No “breakfast” and no “evening snacks”
When people ask me how to choose a window for themselves, I recommend starting with an hour after you wake up, especially if you’ve never fasted before. Then, after a couple days stretch it to two hours after you wake up. The other tip that helped me start intermittent fasting was if I felt a bit hungry in the morning before 11am, I would wait 30 minutes and if I was still hungry I would eat 30 minutes later. This was in the beginning when I was getting into the habit of the new eating pattern. [3:48] However, here’s where things changed for ME. I wasn’t hungry in the morning. Like right in the beginning, I wasn’t hungry. When people learned that I didn’t eat breakfast anymore, most of them were appalled and used to tell me, “But breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” and let me tell you, I used to be one of those people. I used to believe this and think people were crazy for not eating first thing in the morning. But when I actually checked into my body, I wasn’t hungry. You’re also not supposed to eat when you aren’t hungry. So why should I eat? [4:30] I grew more curious about the line “breakfast is the most important meal of the day” and learned that it was invented by KELLOGS to sell their new breakfast cereal! Corn flakes are garbage and I don’t care what time of day it is, cereal isn’t good for your body. This is a marketing strategy and it has millions of people believing that they need to eat first thing in the morning. My mind was B L O W N. Don’t get me wrong, I love breakfast food! And I still enjoy brunch. Just because you don’t eat before 11 am doesn’t mean you don’t eat bacon and eggs! Anyway. While I started getting into the habit of intermittent fasting, I was also learning a lot about my relationship with food, and also developing a stronger relationship with my body. I was learning about what my body wanted, what it didn’t want, what it craved, when I would crave certain foods. It was like I was finally speaking the same language of my body and I wasn’t just putting food into my mouth because it was “breakfast time” or “lunchtime” or “dinner time” and that’s what everyone else did. I was also noticeably more alert during the day, I was sleeping better, and I was losing weight. I had gained weight the year before and it took me about a month of intermittent fasting and 5 days/week of weight training to lose the majority of it. [6:04] Fasting can be very beneficial to the body and affects your cells and hormones. Here are some of the changes that occur in your body when you fast according to an article on healthline: * Human Growth Hormone (HGH): The levels of growth hormone skyrocket, increasing as much as 5-fold. This has benefits for fat loss and muscle gain, to name a few * Insulin: Insulin sensitivity improves and levels of insulin drop dramatically. Lower insulin levels make stored body fat more accessible * Cellular repair: When fasted, your cells initiate cellular repair processes. This includes autophagy, where cells digest and remove old and dysfunctional proteins that build up inside cells * Gene expression: There are changes in the function of genes related to longevity and protection against disease
There are other health benefits of intermittent fasting including: * Reducing insulin resistance and inflammation * Possible reduction of “bad” cholesterol and * Increases the brain hormone that helps the growth of new nerve cells
[7:14] At the end of the day, it’s a very simple practice, and one of the things I teach my health coaching clients is that “Healthy Can Be Simple” it really can. I can’t remember how long I kept up with the intermittent fasting. I wish I could remember. I think maybe… a year? Two years? It was a while. What I can tell you is that during that time I was also doing A LOT of other things. I had completely renovated my morning routine. I was waking up earlier and working out first thing in the morning for 4-5 days every week. I was meditating and deepening my spiritual practice, and I was journaling and really diving into personal development. I can tell you right now that these other lifestyle changes DEFINITELY affected my health and wellness. But the intermittent fasting gave me a structure.It also helped me see that I was a late-night snacker and it got me out of this munchie habit before bed or post-dinner. Full disclosure, I am totally snacking late again - but this is again, maybe for another podcast episode LOL. It also helped me create a deeper connection with myself and truly discover what it is that my body wanted, not what I thought it was supposed to want or have. [9:15] Which brings me to the ONE practice that changed my relationship with food: Intuitive Eating. This means, making food choices without guilt, shame, or judgement, and respecting when our bodies are fed and full. It’s about enjoying food, being present with food, and having a healthy relationship with food and with ourselves. As a wellness leader I have felt, and still occasionally feel, pressures to eat a certain way and for my body to look a certain way. I have been a victim of external influence and self-judgement and shame. And although I have never had an eating disorder, I have most definitely experienced dis-ordered eating. Now I sometimes eat breakfast in the morning, usually not but I won’t say no because it doesn’t stick to my eating plan. If I’m hungry, I will eat. To be honest, most days I’m not hungry until 10:30 or 11am. I love cooking, experimenting with food, and eating and enjoying food. I take pleasure in making meals and trying new things. I’m not paleo, or vegan, or trying the keto diet. I eat foods that make me feel good and happy and nourished. Yes sometimes donuts make me feel happy. Not when I eat too many of them, but you best believe there is an amazing donut shop in town and I am about it! [10:42] Another really important lesson I learned was that I am what some would call an “emotional eater.” This was a blatant realization about a few months into my time with intermittent fasting. I was really consistent with not eating in the morning and I was feeling really great about it. One morning around 9:30am I had an update for my website and it changed everything! I had to learn, re-learn, and un-learn some of the backend pieces to my website and I do not speak html. It was a nightmare. The more stressed and anxious I became, the hungry I got. But I wasn’t just hungry, I was ravenous for sugar. For anything sweet I could eat at that moment and I was enraged. It was so intense that I actually stopped myself and thought, “Whoa. What the fork is going on with me? I wasn’t hungry one minute ago.” Now remember, I was really into my spiritual practice as well so my self-awareness was improving and quite strong. I think that if I didn’t have all these habits in place, I might not have even noticed my body change or start craving sugar and might have mindlessly started eating something sweet without even realizing! It’s all information, but we have to stay in a mindful state for us to really come to the realizations, and if we want to make any impact or positive changes, we’ve got to be self-aware. [12:30] During my research of intuitive eating I found a website which shares 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating that I wanted to share with you today. As I go through these 10 principles, I ask that you consider how you could start incorporating them or using them in your own life and in your own eating practices. [12:58] #1 Reject the Diet Mentality Stop reading the books and the articles about quick solutions for weight loss. It’s soul damaging and the intention behind diets isn’t safe, long lasting or heart-centred. I’ve said this before on the show, and I’ll say it again: there is a POWER OF INTENTION. What is your intention for losing weight? If your answer is you want to look good in an outfit, or that you want other people to like you, or some other superficial answer, I will tell you right now, your “diet” isn’t going to be successful. However, if you want to live a healthier lifestyle so that you can keep up with your kids and be around for your grandchildren, and have a better relationship with yourself, then you’re on the right track. It’s not about a diet, it’s about a lifestyle change. If you want to practice intuitive eating, you have to give up the diet mentality, it’s not helping you, it’s only hurting you. [14:22] #2 Honour Your Hunger Eat when you’re hungry, and don’t overstuff yourself with food. There’s a difference between being hungry and being excessively hungry and gorging on the easiest or quickest “food” you can get your hands on. Notice how your body tells you it’s hungry, and how it tells you it’s full. Honour those signs. [14:42] #3 Make Peace with Food “Give yourself unconditional permission to eat.” Telling ourselves that we can’t or we shouldn’t leads us to feeling deprivation, which eventually leads to giving in. This usually ends up with us feeling guilting for doing something that we’re not supposed to do. We need to start forgiving ourselves for the ways we’ve treated ourselves about food and eating. It’s okay to want certain foods or to eat in general, it’s not okay to punish ourselves or our bodies. [15:13] #4 Challenge the Food Police This is referring to the thoughts in our head that tell us we’re “good” for eating healthy or “bad” for eating a donut today. The “food police” are the internal dialogue and the media that has created unreasonable rules following diet culture. Yell a big fat NO! When you hear or see the food police in your life. [15:40] #5 Discover the Satisfaction Factor Last night my partner and I prepped a delicious meal. I had to teach yoga in the evening so we decided to eat later so that we could eat together. When I came into the kitchen the food smelled amazing. I was hungry and now that I was smelling all the species I entered this state of excitement and bliss. There is a door from the kitchen that goes out onto the patio. I went out to find a beautiful place setting for two with candles, and the summer sky. It was so perfect and wonderful and I swear the food tasted better because we prepared it, and celebrated it, and enjoyed it together. [16:33] #6 Feel Your Fullness To do this, we need to trust that we’re giving ourselves foods we desire. This is where the listening comes in. Listening to the signals that we aren’t hungry anymore. We are COMFORTABLY full. We can do this by pausing in the middle of our meal and checking in with ourselves. For myself, and a lot of other people, one of the signs that we are full and done eating is when we let out a big sigh. This is my body’s way of saying, “That was delicious. We are done for now.” [17:11] #7 Cope with Your Emotions with Kindness Depending on where you’re at and what your relationship with food is like, there can be many different emotions that come up for you. In the example I shared earlier, I felt overwhelmingly stressed and I became ravenous for something sweet. I knew that my body was trying to tell me something, and it wasn’t “feed me the donut” it was scared and needed a hit of dopamine, like it’s gotten before from sugar. But you can also get it from other things, including foods that are high in protein. Regardless of what emotions come up for you, be kind to yourself. You are learning, growing, and you’re only human. Begin by recognizing the signs of your body and mind and develop that connection and conversation with yourself to better understand what your body needs. Self-compassion is the key. [18:11] #8 Respect Your Body Each and every one of us is unique, and magical in our own way. Love yourself the way you are. It’s so unrealistic to believe that everyone has to look or act or be a certain way. All bodies are beautiful. [18:31] #9 Movement - Feel the Difference I definitely notice a difference between how my body feels when I was waking up early and lifting weights, than it does now, with a weekly routine of yoga, pilates, walking and some weights. One is not better or worse, it’s just different. Daily movement is fundamental for our health, like I always say: a body in motion stays in motion. You don’t need a militant exercise routine, you just need exercise! Find an exercise or a type of physical activity that YOU enjoy! This will keep you active, happy, and consistent. [19:14] #10 Honour Your Health - Gentle Nutrition For this last one I’m going to read directly off what the site says because I really like it:* “Make food choices that honour your health and taste buds while making you feel good. Remember that you don’t have to eat perfectly to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or become unhealthy, form one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters. Progress, not perfection, is what counts.” slow clap *[20:09] Listen, if you’re just learning about intuitive eating, or if you’re interested in making it a part of your life, start with checking in with yourself and asking yourself what it is that you want? Not what the voice of the food police in your head wants. You can also connect with me on instagram if you ever want to chat. You can find me @vallavignelife.
Free journalling exercise and full show notes available at: www.valerielavignelife.com/86
Hey there! Welcome to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. I am your hostess, Valerie LaVigne. Thank you so much for joining me today, it means so much to me that you’re here. If you’re new to the show, WELCOME! This podcast is all about empowerment, and elevating your health, wealth, and happiness!
Today we will be zoning in on wealth and mindset, and I will be teaching you the three keys to creating space to attract more abundance into your life!
[00:58] Now if you didn’t already know, I have a Money Mindset course called Awakening Abundance. I created this course so that you could overcome money fears and blocks, develop your wealth mindset and wealth habits, and most importantly, create your dream life!
The course is divided into three phases…
Phase One: Awareness
This is the first and most important step into changing your money mindset
Phase Two: Action
In this phase I teach the tools and steps to help you get out of your comfort zone and take inspired action to get the results you desire
And lastly, Phase Three: Awaken
This phase is learning how to speed up the process of manifestation and how to be ready to receive your abundance. How to live your life abundantly.
Not only is today’s podcast episode sponsored by this online course, it’s also a sneak peak into the course! Because today, I am teaching you Phase Two: Action, Lesson Two: Creating Space!
[2:08] It’s a single lesson in the course, but it is so important. And what I’ll be teaching you today, can be implemented IMMEDIATELY after learning it! Before we dive into the good stuff, I will remind you that all of the show notes, links, and freebies for this podcast episode can be found at WWW.VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/86
Attracting more abundance into our lives, can be filled under “manifesting.” Whenever we’re attracting, or desiring, or calling something into our lives we are signing a contract with the Universe telling it what we want. Focusing on our desire and being able to bring it into our lives is called The Law of Attraction. This is one of many Universal Laws.
[2:55] Another very important Universal Law is the Law of Vacuum. The Law of Vacuum says that all material forces of the Universe dislike the vacuum and hurry to fill each of the openings, holes, voids, space, etc. This Law states that space allows movement, and that when all space is filled, the unity prevents further movement and growth.
So basically, once the space is filled, it can create a block. This can be good and bad; it depends where you are at in your life, and where you want to go! We can talk about this a little bit later on in the episode!
This law works by clearing out unnecessary or negative thoughts, things, and elements of one’s lifestyle, one can create the space, atmosphere, time and opportunities to grow, move, restore, and build on a more stable foundation.
The essential meaning being: OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW! We are making room for what we desire, and letting go of what no longer serves us to create that space!
A super important side note: The Law of Vacuum creates the space for only the highest good and only the best, with the least amount of energy.
Yes my friend, you heard me, this law is EFFORTLESS! Well… sort of. In a previous podcast episode we learned about the Power of Intention. I will link to that episode in the show notes page at WWW.VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/86
[E66: ELEVATE YOUR LIFE BY LIVING WITH INTENTION]
[4:35] Living with intention is powerful, and more importantly: PURPOSEFUL!
It pretty much circles back to the Law of Attraction: what we focus on expands. This works for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
If you’re focusing on abundance, more abundance will come. But if you’re focusing on debt, more debt will come.
Now if you are very intentional and combine the Law of Attraction WITH the Law of Vacuum, you could very well amplify your desire and it could also come a lot quicker and easier to you.
For example, you desire abundance in your work. You focus on the abundance you currently have: amazing paying customers + flexible schedule to do your hobbies. You ALSO begin to create space in your calendar for new customers, or you create a new on-boarding sequence for your new customers so that it’s easier to integrate them into your business. This supports and serves your people while also freeing up some of your time to focus on A) all your new customers as well as B) keeping time open for your beloved hobbies! WIN-WIN!
This is how you leverage the universal laws and attract more of what you desire into your life (or like in the example, into your business)!
Alright, it SOUNDS AMAZING! And now you wanna know how to make it work for you! I am very excited to tell you that it’s actually quite simple. All you have to do is create the time, space, and atmosphere so that the next, OR BETTER opportunity (or desire) can come into your life.
[6:25] I promise, I’m going to get to the three keys to creating space, but right before I do, I wanted to tell you a little story about an incredible opportunity that I recently attracted into my life.
Along with being a health and wealth coach, I am also a pilates instructor. I have been teaching for several years now and over the last seven years of teaching I have developed some very strong and incredible relationships with my students and colleagues. I have a loyal following of clients, and I’ve also worked for several different studios, learning so much from everyone I’ve met, and everywhere I’ve worked.
During the pandemic, and in lock-down I was no longer working at studios, but created my own virtual studio where I taught mat classes. It was a very interesting time for many if not all of us, and for me it was a great gift and opportunity to get clarity on what I wanted for my career moving forward.
I absolutely LOVE teaching classes, but the schedule that I had was not sustainable for the long term future, so I was interested in a change.
During quarantine a very loyal client and friend approached me about opening a brand new studio. This friend wanted to invest in me to run my own space! They’re intentions were heart-centred, but after weeks and weeks of considering the offer, I realized that their intentions were not aligned with my own. And I graciously declined the offer. I knew it was the right thing to do for me because after saying, “Thank you so much, but no thank you.” I felt a weight lift from my shoulders and my body felt physically more open and peaceful. Yes, a little voice in my head said I was a fool for not doing it, but in my heart I knew it was not the right next step.
The very same day I declined the offer, a different friend and loyal client came to me with an offer of their own: inheriting a studio that I used to work at, to become a co-owner and new face of the studio. I’ll keep the details and logistics out of the story for time purposes, but basically, I was offered an even better opportunity after letting go of the first offer.
But here’s what’s even more incredible! The first offer was a HUGE GIFT! It was:
- CONFIRMATION that I was ready to uplevel in my career and it was
- Time to get CLARITY on what I truly wanted moving forward
I accepted the second offer and am very excited to announce that I will be the new co-owner of a beautiful boutique studio in Burlington, Ontario!
[9:22] Now let’s get into the 3 keys to creating space, so that we can attract more abundance into our lives!!!
KEY #1 T I M E
Raise your hand if you’ve ever used the excuse “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have time” when it comes to your wealth goals.
I’m raising my hand. Totally guilty of this, and it’s probably the most common excuse I hear for why people don’t have the abundance they desire!
But the truth is, we make time for the things that matter. No excuses. Oh, you don’t have time to start a side hustle but you scroll instagram and tiktok for 2 hours a night before bed? Hmm…
Oh, you don’t have time to meal prep, but you re-watched a full season of New Girl on Sunday? Hmm…
Oh you’re too busy to put money into a savings fund, but you purchased a quarterly subscription box that sends you new beauty products every quarter?
Right…
Like I said, we MAKE time for what’s important to us.
Here’s how we do it: Schedule time in your calendar for your action step(s).
This could be a daily gratitude practice where you write out all the abundance you are thankful for. Or maybe it’s a 30 minute meeting with yourself to set up an automatic transfer of $25 a week into a savings account. It could be blocking out 1 hour everyday to work on your side hustle. You could also pop in a weekly visit with your money: check out your accounts, bills, tracking spending + savings.
Set alerts, notifications, or alarms to remind you when those meetings or events are so that you stay on track with your wealth goals.
This is a helpful quote from Tony Robbins: “If you talk about it, it’s a dream, if you envision it, it’s possible, but if you schedule it, it’s real.”
[11:34] KEY #2 S P A C E
Most of the time when you think about the Law of Vacuum you think about physical space, and this isn’t wrong. The Law of Vacuum is definitely about creating physical space, just as much as it’s about creating energetic space.
Let’s think about some ways we can create physical space for abundance to come into our lives. The best place to start is with your manifestation or your intention. What specific abundance do you wish to attract?
More paying customers
More money in for savings
A new car
Now, consider WHERE this abundance will go when you receive it. Do you have the capacity to take on new customers? Do you have an account set up yet for your savings to go? Is there a parking space, or room in your garage for your new car? Make the physical space for your manifestation!
You’ll also want to look at what is currently taking up the space. What do you have in your schedule that is blocking new clients or customers from meeting with you? Where is your money going now, that it’s not going into a savings account? What do you currently have taking up space in your garage?
Physical objects hold an energetic charge. If this manifestation is TRULY what you desire, you might have to part with something else in order to make space for your abundance. It can also be a bit of a test from the Universe to see if you’re ready, and if you’re actually willing to make changes and elevate.
A quote from an unknown author says, “Sometimes you have to let things go, so there’s room for better things to come into your life.”
You have to want what you don’t have more than the comfort of what you already have. It’s part of the risk and the growth when you’re moving out of your comfort zone. Because, we’re not supposed to be the person we were before our transformation, we’re evolving into a new version of ourselves, hopefully a better one.
[13:44] Speaking of elevating, evolving, and transformation!
Creating Space KEY #3 is A T M O S P H E R E
Creating an environment for your abundance can be similar to upgrading your money identity.
It’s not so much about being comfortable, but rather about moving into the space where the magic happens by acting like you already have your desire. Meditate on and tap into the feelings of what it’s like to receive your abundance desire. Imagine and embody every emotion of signing up a new client or getting a new customer. What are you doing, thinking, feeling, or saying?
Envision reaching your savings goal: how do you feel? What thoughts and emotions are moving through you? How are you celebrating your achievement?
Picture yourself driving your brand new car! What does that feel like? What music are you playing? Or maybe you’re listening to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! Where are you driving to? Are there other people in the car with you?
How does the future you live their abundant life? Answer that question for yourself and start living that lifestyle to the best of your ability today. By doing this you’re raising your energetic vibration to meet the version of you who has the abundance.
When you’re visualizing, meditating, and acting the way the future you is acting, do it as if you already have or have had (present and past tense) your desire. This is a simple piece to manifesting that people often overlook or forget.
[15:49] As we’ve touched on briefly, there are two types of space we can create. Physical and Energetic.
Physical space is our outside world; external, the visible and physical objects in material form.
Energetic space is our internal world; the invisible: mental, emotional and spiritual; thoughts, feelings, connections, attitudes, and energetic atmosphere.
When you’re manifesting abundance, or anything for that matter, it’s important to make the physical and energetic space in order to attract your desire. Sometimes we create the physical space, but a mental block is holding us back. Or we create mindset shifts, but don’t have the physical capacity to take on more.
[16:38] Which brings me back to something I said earlier today which was: once the space is filled, it can create a block. This can be good and bad; it depends where you are at in your life, and where you want to go! If you’re listening to this episode because you want to attract more abundance, which I’m assuming you are, then you’ve probably reached a point in your life where you’re feeling a bit stuck. Maybe not in all areas of life, but in your wealth and finances perhaps. This means you’ll be putting today's teachings into action after this episode and start creating the physical and energetic space to attract abundance.
What happens when we reach our goal? We celebrate, we feel all the feelings and then guess what… You’ll want to set a NEW abundance goal to grow even more! Sure it might not be today or tomorrow, or next month, but eventually you’ll want to grow again, just like you are growing today.
So instead of looking at where you are now as bad or as a “stuck spot” shift your mindset to think of it as a stepping block, or a stepping stone. You got to where you are today based off of the choices and habits you’ve made and put into place in the past.
[17:57] Now, use what you’ve learned to move forward. What’s working? What’s not working? Where can we create space? Where can we grow and improve? What are some possible next steps or building blocks we can take to up-level?
Keep asking and answering these questions, and other questions like these to support you. And stay open to something better. Because something better might just be on it’s way, and you won’t want to miss it!
[18:31] Lastly, and before you go, I wanted to give you a gift of my own to help you create space for your abundance. It’s a free journaling exercise for realising your money fears. We all have them, and they’re usually what’s holding us back the most when it comes to manifesting more abundance.
You can get your free copy of this Journaling Exercise at WWW.VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/86
Thank you so much for joining me today! I will see you next week for a more health-focused episode, where I will share ONE Practice that Could Change Your Relationship with Food! I will see you then!
This episode is sponsored by my Money Mindset Course: Awakening Abundance. Awakening Abundance is an online course and group coaching program I created. In this course you will learn practical and spiritual tools to support you in manifesting wealth and abundance into your life.
If you’re ready to:
- Overcome money fears and blocks
- Develop a wealth mindset, and wealth habits and
- Create your dream life
Then AWAKENING ABUNDANCE is for you! Go to VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/AWAKEN to start your transformation today!
Full show notes available at: www.valerielavignelife.com/karly
[2:08] Karly, welcome to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am so grateful you’re here today! Karly and I met at the Toronto Business Babes Fall Conference last year, and since then have become great friends and supporters of each other’s businesses and entrepreneur endeavours.
The Toronto Business Babes conference was a pivotal event for a lot of women, Karly, tell us about how this event became an important part of your life and where you are today.
Most people will say it was "just a conference" but to Karly it was genuinely a life-changing moment. Karly had just been let go from her job at a Toronto Nightclub. She thought this would be a pivotal moment that would get her back into alignment with the school she went to, for Fashion Merchandising. What she did learn was more about herself than the industry. It was a tough time and she felt very low and in a depressed episode at that time.
A woman named Kim who was a speaker at the event, reached out to Karly via instagram and encouraged her to go to the event and even gave her a free ticket!
Karly met a lot of amazing women and felt that this event was the kick in the ass she needed to get her shit together.
Guest Episodes from the ladies Karly mentioned:
Jesse: Master Your Social Media Marketing
Dom: Embodied Living
Lauren: Building Your Dream Business, Events, & Life
Transitions & Transformation
[7:40] Take us back to before the conference, when you used to work in a more male-dominated industry. What were some of the challenges you faced, and how did you overcome them
It's hard for Karly to talk about because it comes across like "you're shitting all over men," and that's not what she's, doing. However there are ways that in a male dominated industry there are certain ways that men are really great at business, that with women it goes against a lot of what we're raised to do and believe.
Karly has been learning a lot more abut masculine and feminine energy lately, and you can also think of it as outer and inner energy. And we all have the masculine and feminine energy within us. Masculine/outer; Feminine/inner. Communication was the biggest struggle for Karly in the male dominated industry. Karly felt that there was a lack of communication and that was something that effected her because she wouldn't communicate to her managers and assume that they would figure it out. But she knew that this was ridiculous and we can't expect people to read our minds.
BOOK: How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith. The book highlights 12 different habits that women have that prevent women from reaching their goals.
Competition is healthy, but a permanent competitive mind can be detrimental to success, and we lose the feminine power of community.
Working in this industry brought out the worst in her, feeling like she needed to "fight for a seat at the table." She believes that until we learn to embrace both energies within us, it will be constantly butting heads in the industry.
Episode #67: Communicating with Power
[13:29] As women, how can we embrace our feminine energy?
First and foremost, understanding the science of energy, and how we all have both energies. Also understanding that our emotions are something we have to embrace. Switch up the wording if it resonated better with you.
Figure out what makes us feel like we want to fight against other women, because this is what's holding us back from embracing our feminine power. A lot of us were told growing up that "Women can't be friends, or women are catty."
[17:41] Women + Community: What advice would you give for women seeking stronger female friendships and relationships?
Start with: Breaking Down Your Own Internal Beliefs
You've got to be willing to admit your own faults, and break down your judgements of others. Notice who you are judging or dismissing. What is it about that person that you are judgmental about? Which beliefs can you separate from the ones that serve you and the ones that don't?
Episode 44: This Judgement Detox will Blow Your Mind
[23:50] Both you and I are advocates for morning routines, take us behind the scenes and walk us through your morning routine.
Karly's morning routine (total time 2-2.5 hours):
Wake up around 5:30am/6:00am and get active right away
Yoga + proper breathing
Brain games
Meditation
Gratitude + journalling (TIP! Think of something that is frustrating you in your life and reframe it to why you're grateful for it)
Oracle card pulls
Smoothie
Reading a non-fiction book
[27:40] That’s a pretty solid morning routine! Can you share how you created it, what is that process like?
Started with morning smoothies: it was easy and fun!
Next added in gratitude
Then the physical activity came in, and eventually everything started stacking in
BOOK: Atomic Habits by James Clear
[30:14] Why do you believe having a morning routine so important?
So important, especially for women, pouring into themselves before their families. Starting your day with positivity and gratitude sets the intention for your day.
Karly's Podcast: If Only She Smiled
[31:53] This year you launched your Podcast, If Only She Smiled. Can you describe it to those of us who haven’t heard of your podcast yet?
A podcast that explore's women in history that you may not have heard of. Bringing their stories and their voices up is very important to Karly.
[33:33] Where did the idea for this show come from, tell us about the journey how you created this project.
Karly has always been obsessed with woman in history. She used to read these books called, "The Royal Diaries" that were teen books meant to be written by young women in history in the point of view of them and their diary. Her love and curiosity grew and lead to more conversations about empowering women in history. Karly felt the need to want to talk to people about woman in history in a new way.
The If Only She Smiled Podcast launched March 9th 2020
[37:05] How did you go from overwhelmed by ideas to the end result?
It doesn't matter if you're an entrepreneur or not, this is something everyone struggles with. It comes down to quieting the busy mind and getting clarity. Karly recommends brain dumps, or mind maps, and write out everything out. Write out anything that is in your head, list them out and clear out the noise from your head.
Also turning off notifications, or putting your phone away, it's a huge distraction.
[40:45] For anyone listening who struggles with finding clarity, or is feeling overwhelmed by all their ideas, what tips do you have for creating clarity, and which idea do we choose?
Learning to limit yourself is huge. If you're someone who is a huge creative, you want to go for an idea that is an actionable and achievable. It also has to be something you love doing, forever - even if you're not actually doing it forever.
[48:28] The podcast is still in its early stages, what can we expect for the show moving forward?
Karly is re-working the format. It's been Karly speaking about empowered woman in history, and will be evolving into mindset work and helping women in the workforce; entrepreneur or not.
Mindset will be a main focus, and the show will also have a segment about which woman in history Karly thinks she relates to.
Growth & Empowerment
[50:48] Another part of our brands and businesses we have in common is Empowering Women. I love how you share Collaboration Over Competition. What are 2 ways we can start embodying this in our lives or in our businesses as women?
Step One: Identify your own judgements and get them out of the way; You'll always be looking for competition or conflict if you don't get you own shit out of the way.
Step Two: Open clear communication. Conversation doesn't have to be confrontation, sometimes uncomfortable conversations come up, and we have to give and accept the feedback. Bring women up. Help other women. Don't be a by-stander.
Embrace the feminine energy of empathy. It's good to care about others and involve and include others.
[55:35] Your podcast spotlights empowered women in history, and there is so much we can learn from them. Can you name one woman you talk about on your show, something they did or are known for and the main reason they inspire you?
Hedy Lamarr: Was an actress who never went to school. A famous Hollywood director and an inventor, Howard Hughes, created the world's fastest airplane at the time. And Hedy Lamarr helped him do that by combining the body of the fastest fish, with the wings of the fastest bird, mimicking that shape and showing it to him. But we don't learn about that.
Zenobia: Ruled Syria at the time and was a total badass.
"The Great" show on Amazon Prime about Catherine the Great
[58:50] Is there anything else you’d love to share about your brand or your mission?
Karly wants to bridge the gap between women who work. The collaborative mindset is so important, even if you're not an entrepreneur. Starting with pouring into your self and providing a seat at the table for other women.
Listener Questions
[1:00:00] From Erika: What is your favourite smoothie recipe?
Oat milk, or almond milk
Splash of tropical juice
Mixed frozen fruit bag (fave: dragon fruit + mango)
Chia seeds
Honey
Cinnamon
Ashwagandha oil
Frozen Bananas, no ice.
[1:01:49] From Kim: How do you navigate competitive female friendships/alliances?
Communication. Navigating means that you have to do work on your own, you can't put the blame on someone else right away. Learning to do this is important. Not being able to communicate, or when someone can't communicate back, then re-evaluate the friendship.
Set boundaries. Be clear about what you need or don't need in that moment or in that relationship.
[1:03:08] From Rachel: What books would you recommend for someone who is just getting into mindset that isn’t too advanced?
BOOK: Let That Shit Go by Nina Purewal and Kate Petriw
BOOK: The Sleep Revolution by Ariana Huffington
BOOK: Atomic Habits by James Clear
[1:05:20] Where can we find you, follow you, how can we support your business?
Instagram | @karly.tygr + @ifonlyshesmiled
TikTok | @karly.tygr
Podcast | If Only She Smiled (iTunes)
Rapid Fire
[1:06:25] What are you currently reading, or what’s your favourite book?
BOOK: Let That Shit Go by Nina Purewal and Kate Petriw
FAVE BOOK: The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
[1:06:55] What do you love most about being a woman?
My emotions, and having space to be able to feel them, also my vagina.
[1:07:28] What does empowerment mean to you?
When you're empowered, you're lifting other people up.
[1:07:53] What are you currently working toward?
Stability is a big thing for me.
www.valerielavignelife.com/85
Episode Sponsor: Virtual Yoga & Pilates Classes with Me! Use the code "POD15" for you first class free! [1:13] Now at the time of this episode’s publication, I was supposed to be coming back from a weekend backcountry camping trip in one of my favourite places in Ontario: Tobermory. HOWEVER, due to unforeseen and uncontrollable circumstances, our camping trip has been cancelled. We are hoping to rebook sometime soon, so in the meantime, I will share some stories and some things I have learned through other camping adventures I’ve been on in the past, as well as some incredible practices and tips for making your next camping trip more comfortable and enjoyable. In the last year I’ve learned that there are two types of camping: Car Camping and Backcountry Camping. Car camping is when you drive up to your campsite. Unpack your tent and your things and camp outside right next to your car. Backcountry camping is when you park your car, and bring only what you can carry on a fairly long hike to your camping spot, at which point you unpack, set up your site and can only access your car if you were to hike all the way back to it. To be completely honest, up until last year I did not realize that there were two types of camping. I thought there was only car camping and car camping sucks. Our family has been car camping a handful of times, however each time we’ve been it rains and I end up sleeping in the car. My family always jokes that I’m the high-maintenance one or “not the camping type” but over the years, I have also learned that because we aren’t big campers, we lack proper equipment for less than perfect weather conditions. Well. It’s no wonder I sleep in the car over a wet tent. Sorry not sorry. I know I just said car camping sucks, because honestly I don’t love it - maybe you do love it - then I am truly happy for you, but if you haven’t tried backcountry camping, you might love it! I also understand that there are probably many other types of camping, like camping in the winter, or perhaps “Glamping” although many people will tell you that isn’t really camping. Hahaha [3:39] I honestly never liked camping until I went backcountry camping last summer in Tobermory. Friends of mine: Katherine and Matt are really big on camping and hiking. They live in British Columbia and have done some incredible trips out there. Last summer they were in Ontario and Katherine called me one day and asked me if I wanted to join them for a weekend in Tobermory. My first reaction was to laugh b/c I genuinely thought she was joking. “Me? Camping in the backcountry with you guys?!” I was less nervous about the camping as I was about hiking 10 km a day with seasoned hikers and campers. So I said yes. For two reasons: last summer I told myself I would 1. Spend more time in nature and 2. Get out of my comfort zone, and going backcountry camping with my friends crossed off both those boxes. Before the trip, Katherine and I went shopping for a couple things I would need that I didn’t already have. Like a camel water pack, a tent, and some special camping food. Luckily Katherine and Matt had a stove and a few other things so I didn’t have to worry too much. The only thing I wish I invested in at the time were a pair of good hiking boots. I didn’t want to because I wasn’t sure if I was going to like it. But the hike would have been a lot easier on my feet and body with proper footwear. I ended up getting a small youth tent since I’m travel size myself and also an inflatable pillow which I love. Before we knew it we were driving up to Katherine’s mom’s house in the torrential downpour and white knuckling the steering wheel almost the entire time. We made it to her moms house and the clouds parted, the sun began to shine and thank goddess we were looking at sunshine for the rest of the weekend - there would be no car for me to sleep in on this trip! We stayed the night at Katherine’s mom’s house because it was a bit closer to Tobermory than where we live in southern Ontario. This gave us more time to hike and set up our site before dark. The next morning we woke up early, filled our packs with water, and made our way to the park. I kept up with their hiking and the day was so beautiful. I think I was so full of adrenaline and gratitude and awe of how beautiful this part of Tobermory was that I didn’t realize how my legs were feeling a bit wobbly or how my poor footwear wasn’t enough for my tired feet. I had little to no expectations and the views and the sunsets and the sunrises and the water and the rocks and the forests and everything we saw just blew me away. It was stunning and exhilarating and breathtaking. I could definitely live without the mosquitos but everything else was absolutely perfect. [8:05] From that first true backcountry camping experience, here are some of my best pieces of advice for beginners to backcountry camping: [8:13] #1. Pitch your tent at home This is great advice for anyone - not just beginners! First of all, you’ll want to make sure you know HOW to pitch your tent by yourself because after a long hike you probably don't want to set up camp, but you need to. It’s also a great practice pre-trip because it makes sure you have all the parts and pieces of your tent that you need before you go! Getting good at setting up your tent, and quickly will make your camping experience that much more enjoyable. I took a video of myself setting up my tent and it was so empowering to do it all by myself! I was so happy and excited and when we got to site it was a lot easier to set up and stress-free because I felt more capable and prepared. [9:14] #2. Practice packing and unpacking your pack You want your pack to be organized, but you also need to remember that you’re carrying this pack for your trek so make sure you’re only bringing what you need. This will help you make the most of your space and bring the essentials. Packing cubes, and dry bags are really handy for camping and organizing your pack. Keep heavier items near the shoulders and back, rain gear and first aid near the top where it’s easy to get. Use the dry bag to store things that need to stay dry like your spare clothes and your sleeping bag. Those you can store at the bottom of your bag as you won’t need them until you reach your campsite. Same with your mat and your pillow. Sunscreen, bug spray, and afterbite can be stored in easy to reach pouches and if you’re carrying a water bottle keep it easily accessible on the outside of your pack; if you use a camelbak like me, you can keep it in the inside pouch of your bag and use the straw to drink! [10:41] #3. Pack as light as you can When it comes to what you should bring - you’ve got to stick to the essentials, not sure what those are? You can follow these categories: [10:52] Shelter: somewhere to sleep and escape the elements; aka your TENT If you’re one person get a two person tent, if you're two ppl get a three or four person tent. You want room for you, and your pack to stay dry. [11:13] Food/Nutrition: you’ve got to feed your body. We brought dehydrated meals. These are lightweight and compact and only need boiling water to make them. You’ll also want handy snacks like granola, dried fruit, nuts, jerky, etc. [11:31] Hydration: aka Water. Bladders, collapsible water bottles, and extra/reserve water for cooking and refilling. You’ll need something light and easy. Aim for 3-4 L a day minimum, and if you can’t carry that consider different types of water purifiers that will work in your camping areas, for example a Life Straw. Remember that: water is hella heavy. Like REALLY FREAKIN HEAVY so you’ll want to create a “hydration plan” especially if you’re going for a longer trip, because you might not be able to carry all your water. [12:33] Sun Protection: hat, long sleeves, pants, sunglasses, etc. [12:38] First Aid: you can get small kits at your local outdoor store. I always bring my homemade bug spray, afterbite roller, bandaids, and correct-x. On the show notes page for this episode I’ll add my recipes for these for you. [12:58] Navigation: You might need waterproof maps, guidebooks, compass, GPS, and extra batteries [13:28] Light: You WILL need a light. I highly recommend a head lamp, one per person. Extra batteries and maybe one LED lantern per tent. Maybe. [14:24] Clothes: key word: LAYER you will need a base layer close to your skin, a mid layer to keep you warm if it’s cold and an outer layer to protect you from wind and rain. Check the weather before you go, but prepare for cooler or wet temperatures, even if the forecast doesn't call for rain. You can always use your rain jacket as an extra layer at night, or if it’s lightweight it can protect you from the sun. [15:04] Repair Kit: you can also buy these at an outdoor store, but usually duct tape and a knife can help you out in situations where you need to fix your gear. A rope works well for many things like hanging wet clothes or hoisting food into a tree to keep away from the bears! [13:36] And lastly: FIRE! Some places won’t let you have a fire so check that before you go. If you can have a fire you’ll want a lighter, matches, firestarters. This will give you light and heat. If you can’t have a fire, bring a stove. You can get super small stoves that fold up and fit in your hand, but you’ll also need some fuel bottles too. It sounds like a lot to pack, but if you’re travelling with another person you can share some of the items and you don’t need double of everything. If you’re bringing your camera, or want to bring other “non-essentials” you can, but see if you can minimize the weight of the item or the size. Maybe bring your go-pro or your phone to take photos. We have special camping chairs that are lightweight and attach to our packs easily, but you may prefer to take a lightweight hammock. [16:50] #4 I highly recommend bringing the right footwear Research the trails and the terrain ahead of time. You’ll most likely need a good pair of hiking boots, but in some areas you may prefer a hiking sandal. I bring both because after hiking in your boots all day, you’ll want to let your feet breathe a little, but still have protection for your feet. I now have two pairs of hiking boots and a sandal I like for some trekking. SALAMON HIKING BOOTS COLUMBIA HIKING BOOTS TEVAS [17:34] #5 One of my biggest concerns the first time backcountry camping was the activity/difficulty level. There are some trails, sites, and parks that are easier than others and doing research in advance on your area is a very smart thing to do; even if you’re not a beginner, you want to be prepared. If you’re pushing yourself a little more on your next camping hike, start physical training 2-4 weeks before your trip (at least!) [18:11] Hiking in Guatemala: Episode #72: Life Lessons from 6 Days in the Guatemalan Jungle I did two big camping trips/hikes during that adventure and they were TOUGH! The jungle trek was trekking over 100 km in 5 days, and the second was a volcano climb with major altitude! I started training for that hike months before by walking more each day as well as climbing the stairmaster 2-4 times a week. It was winter time in Canada, but if it was summer or warmer out, one of the more fun ways to train is wearing your fully packed backpack and hiking the local trails with similar terrain - if you can of course. Cardio, weight lifting, and training on the stairs will help you get in shape for your hike! [20:06] #6. Know when you need to take a break It’s totally okay to rest. Stop and enjoy the view, listen to your body, take some time to eat and enjoy your lunch. Make sure you’re having a good time, and drinking enough water! [20:27] #7. Be Conscious of Wildlife and Nature You are hiking and camping very close to the homes of some beautiful trees, plants, and animals. You are a visitor and you must leave the park the way you found it. That means no trash please! If you spot some wild life, admire it, but leave it be. Doing research on the backcountry camping spots you’ll be in will help you better understand the wildlife and vegetation. It will also inform you of anything you might need to be cautious of, like bears or poisonous plants. Ask park rangers questions if you are not sure, and pack your food so bears cannot get to it. Most campsites will have food polls you can hang your food on - NO FOOD IN YOUR TENT! Treat the earth, the animals, and the other people you cross paths with, with respect. [21:31] #8 Have Fun! You may absolutely LOVE the experience, or you may not. But go with an open mind and an open heart. It’s incredibly powerful to get out of your comfort zone, to try something new, to test your limits and strength. My last few treks have been life changing and empowering and I was truly disappointed when our camping trip this month got cancelled but I am hopeful for a new booking soon! Episode Sponsor: Virtual Yoga & Pilates Classes with Me! Use the code "POD15" for you first class free!
www.valerielavignelife.com/84
Episode Sponsor: Virtual Yoga & Pilates Classes with me! Use the code "POD15" to get your first class free! Today’s mini training is about how to plan a month of social media in 1 day, and the guide includes the information I will share today with a few examples as well. [1:35] Now let’s get started! As a small business owner I’ve done a lot of the back-end work into planning, organizing, and creating content for my social platforms - specifically instagram. I’m going to be talking about instagram today, but know that the method I’ll be teaching you can be used for any platform including facebook, linked in, tik tok, and even your podcast, blog, or vlog! Later I will explain how that works, but for now, let’s focus on uncovering the method. If you check out my instagram page at the time this episode is published you’ll notice some cohesive colour themes, and everything seems to blend together very smoothly. I’ll be 100 percent honest with you, this type of aesthetic takes a lot of work and time - HOWEVER you can still have a cohesive page AND valuable content without spending too much time on the planning and creating. In fact, today I’m going to teach you how to plan an entire month of social media in ONE day. What does that mean exactly? It means that, if you follow the method that I will share with you today, by then end of the day you will have created an entire layout of your social media posts for the next 30 days! AMAZING right!? Yes. [3:01] Before we get into the specific method, there are a few things you’ll need to get crystal clear on, and the first is: What kinds of content do you want to post? What are you willing to share with your audience? To answer this question you’ll set a timer for 5 minutes and brain dump anything and everything that you’d love to share. You can look back on what you’ve shared before and include those things if you want to. My friend Candice has agreed to let me use her as an example since I taught her this method recently. Together we brainstormed these content ideas: * Travel * History * Resources * Series * Food * Walking tours * Architecture * Meditation * Spirituality * Pulling cards * Morning rituals * Recipes * Health * #Vanlife * #BTS * Imposter syndrome * Sustainability * Mindfulness * Eco
Your list might include your community, family, or your partner. Maybe even your pets. It could include your business, products, or services. You can even have “coffee” on the list if you love it so much! Everyone’s list is going to be very different. This is perfect! [4:18] Once you have your list, look over it and see where you can pull out some different categories. Then narrow it down to 5 CATEGORIES ONLY! Candice came up with these five: 1. Travel 2. Spirituality 3. #VanLife 4. Eco/Sustainability 5. Health
Some of the items on her list were very similar like: sustainability, mindfulness and eco OR pulling cards, meditation, and spirituality. So these ones were easy to bring together. The items such as: resources, series, and #BTS are great ideas for how to deliver the content but they aren’t categories. However, these will come up again later! So don’t scratch them out if you have something similar. [5:09] Here’s where you might get stuck: You have more than five categories, or less than 5 categories. For this method we need 5: no more, no less. If you need more categories, consider adding something more personal to your page so your audience, and potential customers can get to know you more. For example, I am becoming a plant mom and if I needed a new category I could share my new plant babies in my feed. Think of your hobbies, the other ppl in your home, or a fun quirk about you that you could share. It doesn’t have to do with your business at all. You could be a real estate agent who loves to bake. Or a fitness coach who likes to experiment with makeup. What is something unique about you, that you would share with your audience. Mental health? A routine/ritual you do every day? You’ll come up with something! If you have MORE THAN 5 categories, look at your category list and see if anything lines up or can be combined. Perhaps your partner and your children can go into the category of “Family” instead of separating them? Do you offer products AND services? Can you combine those categories into “Business” it’s okay if the topic is broad. You can also go through your list and rate each category of highest importance. Then choose the top 5 from there. Let’s say you’re like me and you love your plant babies, but there’s just no room for them in your top 5 categories. NO WORRIES! You can still talk about your leafy friends in your stories. Any other topic that doesn’t fit into the top 5 can show up in the stories and highlights of your instagram. YAY! [7:11] Alright, let’s move on… we’ve got to get this done today remember? Now that you have your 5 categories, you can start to create different content for each category, using some different “content themes” to help you! Content themes can be used for almost every type of social page out there, and if you already have a social page, you’ve probably even posted something in these themes. [7:38] Such as HOW TO/STEPS Educating your audience creates really valuable content for them. Teach them something, recipes, mini lessons, before and after transformation, DIY project, etc. [7:56] LISTS are also very popular! Top 10 or 5 or however many. You can share resources, do’s and don’ts, favourite things or likes, feature or tag other accounts, share a list of recommended books, podcast episode, fun facts. Anything you can write a list about. [8:18] QUESTIONS are a great way to create content. You can ask a question, or you can answer a frequently asked question. It works well to refer new ppl to a post you did previously to answer their questions too. Is there something you need help with OR something you can help your audience with? [8:49] TIPS/TRICKS make for great instagram content. Think quick, easy, educational like hacks or something you learned recently that saves you time, money, etc. [9:01] INSPIRING STORY This could be your story, a client’s story, testimonials, quotes, someone or something who inspires you, a memory, anything motivational [9:15] #BTS (Behind the Scenes) Told you this one would come up again! Followers love learning about the process and following along with what you’re creating: home project? New online course? Making meals? Family and friends? Other areas of your business? Shopping? Planning? All things! [9:43] Hopefully at this point the wheels are turning in your head. Let’s go back to my friend Candice and create some content ideas for her. As a reminder her categories were: 1. Travel 2. Spirituality 3. #VanLife 4. Eco/Sustainability 5. Health
Her first category “TRAVEL” is great, it’s broad and fun, there is so much we can talk about. Here are some ideas using the themes I just shared: How to pack 2 weeks in a carry-on bag How to choose your next travel destination Top 10 resources for travelling My favourite historical sites in Central America What’s your favourite travel style? [Choose from options; share in comments] FAQ: Where’s the best place to get coffee in Alaska? The packing hack I can’t live without The 5 tips for solo female travel The first time I travelled alone Someone I met travelling who inspires me #BTS Planning our next trip! #BTS hiking the rocky mountains That is 12 pieces of content JUST from 1 category! You will do that for each category. And you don’t have to stick with the themes, I find they help me come up with some different things. Let’s do one more category. This time I’ll do one example for each theme. [11:49] This one is a bit different: “ECO/SUSTAINABILITY” HOW TO be more environmentally friendly while travelling * THIS CAN GO UNDER TRAVEL OR SUSTAINABILITY, this will be up to you to decide. It’s totally fine if your categories overlap! That makes a lot of sense if they do. LIST of 10 “zero waste” instagram accounts QUESTION: Stainless steel straw vs bamboo straw TIPS/TRICKS to reuse your food scraps STORY of a time where I realized sustainability was very important to me and changed my life + lifestyle #BTS growing our own herbs and veggies There you go, 6 more! Remember, you have to do each category before moving on to the next step. If you’re following along the audio podcast you can pause and come back when you’re ready with your lists. [13:13] Okay, now that you have a list of ideas for each category, the next part will move a lot more smoothly! In this step we’re mapping out our instagram grid using our five categories and all the content we thought of. This is the game changer and you’ll see how the 5 topics work together on your feed. I’m going to verbally explain it, however I will say it is much easier to understand if you can see the visual I included in the freebie for this episode. You can also draw it out on a piece of paper right now. Draw out a tic-tac-toe grid, or 9 squares. This will mimic the first 9 posts on your instagram grid. Now, write the number 1 in the top left corner of your grid. Number 2 in the square next to it, and Number 3 in the following column. On the second row write the number 4 under the number 1, 5 under the number 2, then write 1 under the number 3. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 1, continue, 2, 3, 4. No to numbers will be beside each other on your grid. And you keep alternating them the same; consecutively. Like I said, the visual is MUCH easier to understand, or if you draw it out with me. Okay, I hope you have already guessed that the numbers correspond to your categories YAY! Now you can decide which idea can go into which part of your grid. As a tip to keep your content interesting, mix up the content themes so that you don’t have too many “how to” posts or too many “questions” all the time. If you came up with one idea for each category for each theme, you will have 30 pieces of content! YAY! BUT, that doesn’t mean you have to post all the time if you don’t want to. Decide how often you want to post: daily? 5 days a week? 3 times a week? You choose! [16:50] Once you’ve planned all your content for the month, you can plan a day to shoot and create the content you need to post. However, perhaps we will save that for another podcast episode. For now, focus on planning out your content in advance and batching that work so that when you are ready to shoot content or create graphics, you’ll at least know what you’re creating. [17:53] Before you go, I did promise to talk about how this plays into other social media platforms! Now many social media strategist will recommend that you choose 1-2 social platforms to stick with so don’t feel like you need to be on all of them! But you’ll also want to understand each media platform before creating content for it. Instagram and Tik Tok are very visual mediums, where as facebook and linked-in have more of an audience to read a longer form post. Photos, graphics and videos can be included in your content, but you might be able to add more text to the post. You also want to consider who the audience is on the other platforms and how you can support them. The how to’s and lists might do really well on FB and linked-in where as your behind the scenes and quick hack posts do better on instagram. Tik tok is almost completely visual and video. Text on screen works, but the videos that do the best are only 15 seconds long. #BTS could do really well along with tips and tricks. Pinterest is another great platform that I would label a search engine over a social media platform. There are ways to optimize this search engine to drive more traffic to your blog, youtube channel and podcast. Honestly, each platform could use it’s own podcast episode so I might have to get some experts on the show to talk about them hahaha HOWEVER, it should get your wheels turning more to think of different ways you can repurpose your content! Episode Sponsor: Virtual Yoga & Pilates Classes with me! Use the code "POD15" to get your first class free!
Full show notes available at: www.valerielavignelife.com/allie
Allie thank you so much for being on the show, it is an absolute pleasure to host you today! [00:52] Tell us about your journey, your story, and how you started the Pure Balanxed Brand. Allie grew up as an athlete, and took the path to become a Division 1 Athlete and got a swimming scholarship to go to school in the states. Through that journey she was also dealing with a lot of mental health issues and illnesses, but she lived in silence, not know what her mental health issues were about or what was going on. She was very shy and did not talk about how she was feeling or what was going on, until she got a bit older. Finally, she started to talk more about her mental health and learn more with the help of therapists. After 12 years of competitive swimming, she finished her swimming journey. She was 21 years old at the time and also finishing school. During this transition, she felt like she was losing her self-identity, and felt lost with what to do next. At this point, her eating disorder began to take over her life and for the next couple years lived through a phase of a lot of unknown. Her safety and comfort became her eating disorder. As her health declined, she needed to take action to better herself so she went into treatment for her eating disorder. While in treatment, Allie came to a realization that the way she was living her life was not healthy and not right for her, and that whatever steps she needed to take next needed to be something that would be purposeful and fulfilling and make her happy. This is where Pure Balancedstarted to develop. Since she was in a hospital setting at the time, everything that had brought her comfort in the past was no longer available to her. She was also experiencing a lot of changes in her body, emotions, feelings, and nurture her mental health in a whole new way. This lead to her realize that there were some things missing in her life and in the lives of others. When she couldn't find those missing pieces, she started a new journey to start her own business to fill the market gap. PART ONE: ABOUT THE “PURE BALANXED” BRAND [5:25]Can you take us through the process of how you transformed your idea of Pure Balanxedinto the clothing company it is today? Allie had always wanted to start her own business, but didn't know exactly what it would be about. She loved the whole aspect of having her own business and thought that it was really glamorous and really cool - and now knows that it's very rewarding but also very tough. She had also always been obsessed with clothes. Growing up she was very materialistic, and when she was younger loved wearing brand-names, and the lifestyle the brands were selling. When she was in the hospital setting, in her early 20's, she was searching fro clothes that would bring her comfort, not feel tight and clingy to her body, and would have something else hidden in it that would give her the extra piece of safety she was searching for when she didn't have anything else with her. When it comes to clothing, it's something we have to wear all day - every day, so she was searching for a basic flowy tee, with soft fabrics. When she couldn't find the perfect tee, she discussed with her therapist her clothing brand and new business ideas. There were a lot of limiting beliefs about if and whyand how to make it all happen. Allie's therapist was the one who pushed her to start the process. She told her to buy a plain t-shirt, get her logo printed locally and that's how she started. Allie took her idea and created a logo, printed it on a random t-shit she bought, and the other thing she wanted to have on the shirts was a little hidden message. On the inside of the shirt she added an affirmation that started with, "I am strong." She started with 1 t-shirt, and then 50 t-shirts. During this process she came up with the idea of affirmation tags, which has become signature to the Pure Balanxedbrand. They appear as an "X" or an "X" on the front and when you flip it over it has a positive affirmation on the other side. The tags represent having the extra piece of comfort with you, but also it's hidden to the outside world. It's an extra piece of comfort that you can grab onto anytime throughout the day. They're woven tags that are more comfortable than regular tags. [9:18]You spell Balanxed with an “X” instead of a “C,” why is that? The "X" represents finding comfort in the unknown. When Allie was coming up with the brand, she was in love with the word "balance" and she feels very strongly about finding balance in her life. She wanted the name of the brand to be unique to her and the brand itself, and used the alphabet and different languages for ideas and inspiration. In mathematical terms, x represents the unknown. We're always trying to find x X is the 24th letter in the English alphabet, and Allie started the brand when she was 24 years old! She was mostly drawn to it because of the "unknown" and when she was starting the business there were so many unknowns; we're always faced with unknowns. [11:25] Who were the people who supported you through your journey the most? Definitely Allie's parents were and are huge supporters. Her mom helps Allie come up with designs, and acts as a sounding board for her ideas. In the beginning Allie felt that she had lived a life of pain and darkness, and she really took the step forward to do whatever it takes to make herself happy and do what it takes to get there. This became her drive and motivation to make her dream happen. [12:50] At first, did you find that starting your own business to be a guiding light to bring you into the brighter future? How did starting Pure Balanxed tie into the mental health healing of your journey? Allie thinks it definitely helped guide her, and was something that gave her the purpose she was seeking. This purposed helped her navigate her new life post-treatment and motivated her to stay healthy, and get through each day. [13:55] Do you have any tips for someone who might be listening who is feeling lost, and how they could find their way? "Finding your purpose is not something that is going to come very easy. I also think it can't be something that is super rushed... It takes a process to get [to the point of knowing your purpose] and for each day it's going to be different. Trying out new things is a good way to start. I think everyone deep down know what they truly want to do with their life, but there is going to be fear and limiting beliefs that are going to stop them. For me, it took me hitting rock bottom to really realize that I can't live my life like this anymore, but I don't believe that has to be for everyone." [15:55] I love how you mention feeling good. There’s a real experience when customers wear your clothes, especially with the texture as you just described. Part of how your brand, Pure Balanxed, “feels good” is by giving back. Can you tell us more about the organizations you donate to, and your connection to them? Before starting the business, Allie always wanted to do something to support people with eating disorders, and have worked with three different organizations since starting the business. NEDIC (National Eating Disorder Information Centre)based in Toronto. They do amazing work to help bring awareness to eating disorders and also have a direct client support program. Which is an online chat and a toll-free phone line. They are the only place in Canada that is doing this. FRIEND'S FIRST based in Toronto. They work with kids help phone to bring awareness to anti-bullying and creating more kindness when teaching young children. Pure Balanxed has a kid's t-shit that supports this company. Currently working on donating Masks to Midwives during COVID-19, for ONTARIO MIDWIVES ASSOCIATION. [19:45]What were some of the biggest challenges you faced when building your brand and business? How did you overcome them? Allie started Pure Balanxed when she had just come out of treatment for her eating disorder. She also didn't have a job or any money coming in, and she was still having to pay for where she was living, meditation, transportation and other fees at the time. She was able to get a small loan to order some t-shirts and get the business going. Later she was able to get another loan that helped her expand the business, which allowed her get some more funding to elevate the products and branding research, build a marketing team, etc. Financials is one of Allie's biggest roadblocks, and finds creative ways to do free marketing. And because of the overwhelming competition in the fashion industry, she can sometimes get caught up in the self-sabotaging comparison game. PART TWO: MENTAL HEALTH & FINDING COMFORT IN THE UNKNOWN [24:01]I love how you talk about the “unknown.” You empower others to embrace it, and find comfort in it. What are some ways we can start doing this, in our own lives? Initially we may avoid the unknown because it feels like a big scary thing. Allie suggests: #1. Creating Community: Take a step back and know that this isn't a place where you need to feel alone in, but this is something we can all support each other in. #2. Create a "Worried" List: Write down everything in your brain that you're worried or stressed about and let it go. #3. Reframing: the fear and unknown and to see what we can do and what we can control in the situations we're in. [28:06]You’re an incredible advocate for mental health, can you share your top Mental Health Tips with us? Finding comfort: What can we do to find comfort where we are? Taking a bath, lighting candles, taking yourself out of the moment of distress. Writing things down can really help. Getting it out of our brains and onto paper so we're not ruminating on it. Talking to someone, and opening up to someone else about what we're going through. Practicing something hands on: colouring, knitting, something physical that can help distract your mind from negativity. Positive affirmation + mantras: this is a huge part of the Pure Balnxed brand. Finding the little things that are going to create joy in your day; even if it feels very hard to do that. [32:25]For the listeners who may know someone that is struggling with an eating disorder, what advice can you give to them in how they can support their loved-one? Just be there for them. Asking them how you can support them. Saying something along the lines of, "Hey I've noticed that something is off. I want you to know that I am here for your, I love you." You don't need to ask them questions, but let them know that you are there for them. Avoid forcing them to talk, or forcing anything on them. If it is a tough situation where they're really struggling and you don't know what to do, you're going to have to see a professional. You could help your loved one with the process of finding the right professional for them. You could send them sweet notes or messages whenever you're thinking about them. [36:06] Looking back on your journey, if there was something you could tell yourself 10 years ago, what would you say to that younger version of Allie? "It's okay to be yourself, you don't need to be anyone else. I feel like growing up my whole life I just never felt like I was good enough, or that I could be myself, and had imposture syndrome and was always trying to be like other people... People will like you no matter what." [37:35] Where can we find you, follow you, and how can we support your business? INSTAGRAM | @alliejeanduff @purebalanxed WEBSITE | www.pureblanxed.com SUPPORT: share about Pure Balanxed, go to the website and purchase a piece, or donate to one or more of the charities they are working with. Join the newsletter to stay informed. PART THREE: RAPID FIRE SEGMENT [39:41] #1. What are you currently reading? Or what is your favourite book? The Silent Patient, My Dark Vanessa, Untamed, [40:18] #2. What do you love most about being a woman? "We all have this energy and maternal instinct to take care of others and a very unique strength that we all share and I think that's really special about being a female." [40:55] #3. What does empowerment mean to you? "When I first think of empowerment, I always think of community. I definitely think about whenever we empower or share the word empowerment, it should be 100% about building each other up and supporting each other, whatever it may be, and coming together as women." [41:30] #4. What are you currently working toward? BUSINESS: Getting the next line of production out for Pure Balanxed Fall & Winter 2020/2021
www.valerielavignelife.com/83 Episode Sponsor: Virtual Yoga & Pilates classes with me! Use the code "POD15" for your first class free! [1:33] I can remember when I had the Women’s Empowerment Blog, how I wanted to turn it into a podcast, and I could imagine having a little studio, and interviewing some of the incredible women I was meeting at the time. I envisioned fresh flowers on my desk, a pink couch where me and my interviewees would sit, and editing episodes while I sipped on delicious coffee. I had a clear picture of what I wanted, but I didn’t have a podcast. I think the blog ran for at least a year before I made moves to transitioning it into this new platform. The point is: no matter what we want to manifest, nothing will change for us, unless we start taking action. In Episode 56: The Beginner’s Guide to Manifesting, we learned all about manifestation. [2:50] T Harv Eker has a great quote that says, “Action is the bridge between the inner and outer worlds.” Our inner world is where our ideas are created. The outer world is our reality, where our ideas come to life! When we take action on our ideas we begin to bring them into our realities and make them real. This is the magic of manifestation. ACTION IS WHERE THAT MAGIC HAPPENS [3:35] Remember that manifestation is everything we’re focusing on is being brought into our physical world; our inner world coming to life in our outer world. But getting from point A to point B takes more than just affirming and believing what you desire. Every action we take, big or small, sends out an energetic vibration or frequency that helps attract what we need to manifest our desires. [3:54] Everything has a frequency; and like attracts like. When we align our thoughts, feelings, and actions together, we begin to attract whatever we’re focusing on into our lives. I’ll use my podcast as an example. I knew I wanted to start a podcast, what it would be called, and the style of the show I wanted. Solo shows, mixed in with interviews. I also wanted my listeners to feel inspired, motivated, and driven to take action with each episode. Mini trainings and step-by-step solutions are important to my listeners, along with topics of health, wealth, and happiness. The ideas and the vision were great. I loved listening to podcasts myself and I thought, “if this person can create a podcast, then so can I!” But I still didn’t know how.... [4:45] Then I came across a fellow dōTERRA Wellness Advocate who had her own podcast. Her show was an Instagram and Facebook Live show that she turned into a podcast afterwards. I liked this idea for a few reasons: 1. It’s interactive. I was able to connect LIVE with my followers and listeners. This gave me instant feedback of who was following, and what topics they were most interested in 2. There’s less pressure to be perfect. A lot of the podcasts I follow are highly produced and there are few to no mistakes. Since I didn’t know how to start, edit, or do anything with a podcast, I liked the idea of the live show as a fun, imperfect and personal way to host a solo show. 3. It gave me some extra time. Since I needed to learn the how part still, but I wanted to take immediate action, I set a goal to do at least 5 live episodes, 1 each week on facebook and instagram, before uploading them to a podcast. While I was in the idea stages I did some research on how to start a podcast and it was highly recommended to have 5 or more episodes right when you launch. This gave me 5 weeks to figure out the tech. Yep. a 5-week deadline to figure out the “how”. But at the end of the 5 weeks I also had 5 episodes! [6:42] Within those five weeks I spent time putting together show notes pages on my website, googling how to start a podcast, and I downloaded a free step-by-step guide from another podcast I follow to help me out a little. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be, but I figured it out! The good news was, I already had a lot of the equipment I needed and use, I already had a website and I turned the blog into a “show notes page” which is basically a different name for blog LOL By the 5th week I announced on my live show that this would become a podcast! The show has evolved over time and I now feature bonus episodes with guests. That is a whole other system and story on it’s own! I also upgraded my camera for the video version of the show when I was doing lives. I don’t do the live episodes anymore; the podcast format is a lot more popular, and it’s easier to batch content this way. Anyway - this isn’t an episode about podcasting!!! This is an episode about manifesting! However, if you do want a peak behind the scenes on the Women’s Empowerment Podcast: Episode 50: Q&A: Podcasting - What I've Learned So Far [8:36] Moral of the podcasting story: If I wanted my podcasting ideas to come to life, I had to take action to make it happen. If I haven’t already been clear about it: Action Activates! More specifically, Action Activate 3 Magical Manifestation Magnifiers - how is that for alliteration my friends LOVE IT! [9:12] The first magical manifestation magnifier that action activates is: INSPIRATION Believe it or not, the Universe is delivering instructions and information to us at all times. It’s our job to recognize these instructions and to take action on them. In my podcasting example, the Universe introduced me to a new way of podcasting with the Live Shows. I was also given that free guide on how to start a podcast, and a few other informational podcast episodes that helped me check off some of my “how to” boxes. These instructions and action steps from the Universe can come to us in a variety of different ways. Such as: inspirational downloads we might receive during meditation, or new ideas that come to us in the shower, or creative solutions for everyday problems, and new opportunities! If you’re manifesting more money in your business, you might come up with an incredible new offer for high-ticket clients. Or perhaps you create a detailed ebook you can sell. We’ve got to keep our eyes and ears open so that we see all the possibilities that have been given to us! Amazing right!? Yeah!! [10:29] The second magical manifestation magnifier that action activates is: MIRACLES In the book, a course in miracles there is a very important quote/definition that reads, “A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.” Wouldn’t that make a great phone wallpaper!? The Universe is sending you many miracles and lots of love! Signs, messages, people, and even song lyrics are on their way! Remember, it’s OUR job to PAY ATTENTION to the ideas and miracles that come to us. Now listen, the Universe works in very mysterious and very silly ways sometimes, so be on the lookout for anything and everything. Paying attention to the things or the people that stand out, or the numbers that keep reappearing or the quote that you read that is deeply resonating. The miracles have a high frequency energy of love. When I was making the podcast I took bold action toward a deeply meaningful project. I pour my heart into each episode, and because of this I also attract some of the most incredible people in this world as loyal listeners of the show. I remember at the end of last year I was really nervous about interviewing guests on the show. I had never hosted an interview style before and I wanted to make a good impression on my guests. I went to a networking event and ran into an old friend from the yoga community Kiana, and we were updating each other on our lives and what we were working on. I told her about the new developments in my podcast and she was excited to be a guest on the show! BONUS Episode with Kian Ng After one interview I felt a little more comfortable and asked some of my close friends to be on the show. With practice I am becoming a lot more comfortable and confident in asking my guest to be on the show, and also to interview them. A lot has changed since starting my guest episodes, however I’m sure there will be more change in the future. The point is, the people who were brought into my life were a beautiful gift and miracle that helped me up-level with my podcast. What’s even more amazing now is that women are coming to me, and asking to be on the show! And a lot of my guests introduce me to or connect me with women they recommend and I barely need to reach out to anyone anymore, I am overwhelmingly grateful for all the amazing women that show up and want to connect! [13:48] The third, and final, magical manifestation magnifier that action activates is: RESULTS! Know that your empowered intentions are manifesting RIGHT. NOW. The timing isn’t exact, however the more trust and faith you have in the Universe, the more open you will be to receiving this magic! We don’t always, and actually, it’s more like we OFTEN DON’T understand the how or the exact process. We can’t connect the dots as we look forward; HOWEVER we CAN connect the dots looking backward. So when you’re manifesting something wonderful and incredible in your life; like a dream vacation to Hawaii, and you receive a gift card for a day at the local spa. DON’T PANIC. And more importantly, don’t get upset. This could be part of a bigger process of your dream vacation! Take this incredible spa day gift and imagine that you are a the spa in Hawaii. Drink coconut water that day, or wear a flower in your hair. Hula dance between treatments. Play Hawaiian music on your drive to and from the spa. Feel the energy of appreciation pour out of you for every moment and every gift. Maybe you’ll meet someone at the spa who has an Air BnB in Hawaii, or who heard of an incredible flight offer for last-minute tickets to the island!? You never know. [15:23] And when you DO receive INSPIRATION, MIRACLES, or RESULTS, thank the Universe for each of these gifts. Inspiration is a gift. Miracles are a gift. Results are a gift. Gratitude ALWAYS speeds up the process of manifestation! A gratitude practice will change your life: Episode 69: What 365 Days of Gratitude Taught Me [15:55] Before you run off to take action, I have one more gift for you… It’s called the Magical Manifestation Magnifiers Tracker. This free download will support you with seeing the magic of action. Record your action steps and see how they activate magnifiers in your life! With some time, you will begin to connect the dots looking backward and see how your manifestations come to life! Episode Sponsor: Virtual Yoga & Pilates classes with me! Use the code "POD15" for your first class free!
www.valerielavignelife.com/82 Episode Sponsor: Virtual Yoga & Pilates Classes with me! Use the code "POD15" to get your first class free! [1:15] Every June I get super excited about a tradition I’ve had since I was a little kid! For as long as I can remember, I’ve been creating some pretty epic summer bucket lists, and today I’m going to teach you how to create your very own! Now, if you’re listening to this episode and you’re not sure what a summer bucket list is, it’s essentially a list of all the things you want to do, experience, eat, or places you want to visit this summer. Your list can be as long or as short as you’d like it to be. A great summer bucket list has a variety of activities, and goals, and most importantly it gets you EXCITED about having an EPIC SUMMER! [1:59] There aren’t really any “rules” when it comes to creating this list, but I thought I’d share some of the do’s and don’ts I like to consider when writing mine… DO Get Creative! Of course you’ll want to experience some classic summer traditions every year, but have fun and get creative writing your list! Our family loves making s’mores every summer so one year I wrote: “S’mores Innovations” on my bucket list. That summer we made s’mores using different kinds of chocolate, or different cookies instead of gram crackers. We also tried s’mores with slices of fruit. It was really fun, and we still stuck to our favourite traditions. When writing your list you can always go back and think of a new way to do something, or how you can mix up a fave tradition! DON’T Just Copy Someone Else’s List! There are lots of fun summer bucket lists online, and they’re great for getting some inspiration on what you’d love to do, but don’t just copy their list. Choose the ideas that you like and add your own ideas too! Not everyone’s list is going to look the same. I live very close to the waterfall capital of the world, and this summer I want to go “Waterfall Exploring” to see some of the falls I haven’t been to yet. But you might not live near here. Maybe you live close to mountains, or volcanoes you can climb. Or maybe you live near beautiful forests or a secret beach. Make the list your own; a list that gets YOU excited! [3:46] When you sit down to write your summer bucket list, a good place to start is by thinking about all the fun things you did last summer, or any previous summer. What did you do? Who were you with? What did you see? How did you play? What were your favourite memories? After spending some time reminiscing on all your favourite parts of summer’s before, jot down anything you’d like to do again this summer, or maybe a memory inspired something you’d like to do this year. Last summer I went back-country camping with some friends in Tobermory, Ontario. I’d like to go again this year, but stay a night longer and go with my partner. My boyfriend also loves skydiving, but I’ve never been. Last year I saw him jump out of a plane and this year I’d like to try it too! EEK! [4:47] If you’re like me, you’ll want to organize your list. This helps me plan for different goals, or different types of summer fun. My Summer Bucket List this year has 8 sections, they are: Health & Wellness For a Rainy Day Self Care With Friends Classic Summer Fun Outdoors Food & Drink And Something New! [5:12] Some of the items on the list could fall under multiple categories but I like to organize my thoughts as best I can. Think of some of your own Bucket List Categories. Here are more ideas: Education/Learning: I wanted to learn a new language one summer so I added some different ways to learn and practice. Maybe you’re taking a course this summer, or you’re learning a new skill. One of the listeners, Maria, wrote “Learn to Paint” on her bucket list this summer! Thrill Seeking/Adventure: Do you love extreme sports or adrenaline boosting activities? You might need a category for all your adventurous items, such as: skydiving, white-water rafting, zip-lining, get a tattoo, parasailing, and more! Travel: Surprisingly this wasn’t a category on my list. However, due to current circumstances, it makes sense. Maybe travel is a category on your list this summer! Some of the items on my list that might fall under this category are: “Visit new micro breweries” “Take a roadtrip to a small town in Ontario” “Plan a vacation” [6:22] A few of our listeners have some fun ideas that could also go under travel. Kim wants to spend long days at the beach! Lisa wants to do a family cottage mini vacation, and Haley and Candice want to go camping! Another category could be Local: Like a picnic in a nearby park, hiking to a local waterfall, tasting new foods from local restaurants, or visiting local farms and gardens. Your categories can also be based on some of your favourite hobbies and interests such as… Music: Are there upcoming concerts you want to go to? Festivals you’d like to attend? Playlists you want to curate? Instruments you want to play? Arts & Crafts: Use up the materials I currently have to make new crafts. Make macrame plant hangers, learn to sew, hand make all Christmas cards, build a birdhouse. [7:15] When you’re writing out your summer bucket list, you can also think about any goals you have this season, or this year. For myself, I want to drink more water, and walk more each day so I wrote: set a daily water intake goal, and walk 30 minutes each day. Consider some of your health and wellness goals also, or your business goals, family goals, friendship and relationship goals. Add some fun ideas to your list that support your soul goals. Are you training for a marathon? Do you want to grow your email list? Are you interested in taking a family vacation? Do your friends and you love having pool parties? Maybe you and your partner want to set up a weekly date night? Or a new adventure together! [7:58] Speaking of friends, family, and relationships… ask your loved ones what is on THEIR summer bucket lists! What are some of the things you can do together, or how can you help each other cross off items on each of your lists? Are you getting excited yet!? Because I sure am! [8:15] Okay, let’s talk about some ways you can get creative with your summer bucket list! I mentioned before that you can put a new spin on a classic tradition like our family’s s’mores innovations! Recipes are a really easy way to do this, for example: If you love a refreshing summer bevy, why not try a new Sangria recipe or margarita recipe?! How about new ways of making pizza, or trying out different smoothie combinations? Another way to get creative with your list is by combining some of your items. Something on my list is “Rollerblade to Get Ice Cream!” We rollerblade and bike a lot, but we don’t usually get ice cream, so why not go for a blade and a scoop! LOL I’ve also been doing some watercolour painting, so for one of my bucket list items I wrote: “Watercolour painting in nature” that way I have something to inspire a painting, and I’m spending more time in nature! One of our listeners, Lisa has “strawberry picking” on her summer bucket list, and I love this idea! I want to combine it with “make sangria and add: from local fruits we picked!” If you’re into some healthy competition, you could turn your pool party into a Pool-palooza hahaha you can set up obstacles, a cannonball contest or games with prizes! [9:34] One year I wrote 100 things on my Summer Bucket List and I was so hyped up but at the end of the summer felt a bit down because “I only” completed 58 of the items on the list. I’m rolling my eyes at myself right now. So the following Summer, 2016 I boycotted the list completely! AND INSTEAD I wrote a list of “amazing things I’ve done” the copy of the list I have has 30 items on it and looking back, that was a pretty incredible summer. The lesson of this story is that the list is supposed to excite you to do some epic things, but leave room for spontaneity, and for organic fun! Isn’t that what summer is about anyways? Episode Sponsor: Virtual Yoga & Pilates Classes with me! Use the code "POD15" to get your first class free!
Build Your Own Affirmations free download + Full Show Notes available at: www.valerielavignelife.com/81 [00:57] What is self-talk exactly? Self-talk is the running dialogue in our heads. Have you ever noticed it? Sometimes it’s the little voice that gives us instructions when we’re getting ready for bed, or the chatter in our minds observing our environment, and sometimes it’s singing along to a tune in our head. It’s basically when we’re talking to ourselves in our mind. Everyone has this inner narrative, but we don’t often spend so much time actually thinking about what the heck it’s going on about. The important truth is that our self-talk has a much bigger influence on the way we see ourselves and the world we live in, than we realize. [1:45] Negative & Positive Self-Talk Here’s the thing, we all have negative and positive self talk, which one do you most often use? Knowing the answer to this question can help you start making proactive changes to living your best life. Unfortunately most of us have negative self-talk patterns. These are the thoughts where we’re focusing on comparing ourselves to others, or when we feel the “not-enoughness.” Our brains remember negative experiences over positive ones, and we tend to replay these messages in our minds, which in turn fuels negative feelings. Here’s the good news: positive self-talk is the opposite of negative self-talk - I mean duh… but positive self-talk is also possible to make automatic. It’s possible, with practice. But before we get into all that, I think it’s important to note that positive self-talk is a very kind and confident way of thinking. It’s not about narcissism, but rather thoughts around self-compassion and knowing who you are. [2:55] Benefits to Positive Self-Talk Reduces Stress: When your thinking is more optimistic, this results in more helpful coping strategies when faced with challenges or stressful situations. Negativity is not helping anyone through a challenge. Positivity keeps you open to seeing new possibilities or previously missed opportunities. Boosts Confidence + Resilience: Positive self-talk builds confidence and makes you more likely to achieve goals. I hinted before that positive self-talk takes practice, well that effort is simultaneously improving your self-confidence, and when you wake up to the fact that a badass babe is staring back at you in the mirror every morning, that babe knows she’s kicking ass and taking names. Builds Better Relationships: Who wouldn’t want to be around someone who is more cooperative and optimistic? Good vibes also rub off on other people. Spread the love + positivity to your friends and family. [4:00] Hopefully after those three epic benefits you’re thinking, “YES. This is what I need more of in my life and in my mind.” So here are a few examples of positive self-talk: I have the power to change my mind. Even though it wasn’t the outcome I hoped for, I learned a lot about myself. I am capable and strong, I can get through this. I can’t control what other people think, say or do. I can only control myself. Attempting to do this work took courage and I am proud of myself for trying my best. [4:38] Now, the obvious question: “How do we make it all work?” Here are the 3 steps: STEP #1: Identify Your Negative Self-Talk Style Negative self-talk typically falls into one of four categories: 1. Personalizing ex. Blaming yourself when something goes wrong 2. Polarizing ex. Seeing two sides only: good or bad; black or white; this or that, and no in between 3. Magnifying ex.Focusing only on the negative or bad in every situation and dismissing the positive or good 4. Catastrophizing ex. Expecting the worst, always STEP 2: Once you’ve identified which category, or categories your thoughts fall into, you can start to swap them to more positive thoughts. This is where the practice begins. You will start to pay more attention to your inner dialogue and notice when and where you fall into your negative self-talk. Make a note of these in a journal or notebook and begin to rewrite the thought. For example, if you tend to personalizeyour negative self-talk, you hear your inner voice say something like, “Darnit! The cookies are burnt! I suck at baking, this is all my fault!” Instead, you could swap it to: “Oh shoot! Looks like this batch got a little burnt, I now know for next time to set my timer earlier” or check the cookies sooner, or whatever. You’re mentioning what you learned from this experience, and how you will take action to do better next time, and you aren’t blaming yourself for an innocent mistake. STEP #3: Make Your Positive Self-Talk a Habit. There are many strategies to make this happen, here are some of my favourites: 1. Put on your "Investigator Hat" and identify self-talk traps This will be something you want to do every day. Noticing when and where you are falling into the negativity. You are becoming more mindful of your thoughts, actions, and more aware of this inner dialogue. As you are doing this, you might notice certain situations where you are more likely to cause more negativity. Like when an introvert is attending a networking or social event. Noticing the “traps” can help us to swap our negative self-talk to something more positive and encouraging. 2. Use Positive Affirmations Positive affirmations can be an excellent tool and practice for improving our self-talk. You can practice positive affirmations to set the tone for the day, or to prepare yourself before a self-talk trap. To support you with this strategy, I have created a free download called “Build Your Own Affirmations Kit” It teaches you how to create custom affirmations and how to really activate the affirmation! Get yours here! 3. Keep a Self-Esteem Journal Journaling can be a very powerful and effective tool for making lasting mindset shifts. One of the reasons why it is so effective is because you are activating multiple parts of your brain when you put pen to paper. And depending on what you’re writing about it can help expand and amplify your topic: like positive self-talk for example. The two types of journal I recommend is a Gratitude Journal + an Emotions Journal. The gratitude journal is a list of what you are grateful specifically that day, as well as why you are grateful for it. Recalling your daily gratitudes helps you return to the feeling of gratitude and brings more of what you’re grateful for. An Emotions Journal has specific prompts that help you investigate your mindset and encourage you to think positively about different parts of your day. To help you start your emotions journal, here are some prompts: I felt proud of myself today when I…The highlight of my day was…One of my best attributes is…I am excited about…My biggest success this week was...
[8:59] Now that we have a better understanding of self-talk and the importance of a more positive mental chatter, here are my Top 5 Tips for Positive Self-Talk! [9:10] TIP #1 SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES When you start to develop more self-awareness and bring more attention to your self-talk, you will also start to notice what areas of your life shed more darkness than light. And with the knowledge that we can only control ourselves, and not the actions of others, we can choose to set healthy boundaries. This may look like limiting our intake of media and news. I very rarely listen, watch, or read any type of news. It’s been years since I’ve set this boundary for myself and I can most definitely say that my anxiety and negativity have decreased exponentially. The other, more difficult way of setting boundaries would be to cut the negative people out of your life. This is obviously easier said than done, especially if we live with said person, but spending less time with negative “friends” or coworkers can also be very helpful. [10:06] TIP #2 PRACTICE MINDFULNESS Mindfulness is very important whether you tend to have a more positive or negative self-talk. Everyone on the planet could benefit from being more mindful - including the actual planet. There are also many ways to practice mindfulness, like through meditation, journaling - which we discussed earlier in this episode - and also being able to dream and set goals. Allowing ourselves to dream and visualize the success we want to achieve, can help us see a possible future target. Reaching this target requires a mindfulness practice so that we can stay on track with reaching our goals and achieving success. [10:50] TIP #3 STAY PRESENT Dreaming of and visualizing the future is wonderful, but when our mindfulness spirals into negativity, it’s important to come back into the present moment. And it may not be the future we are nervous about, but perhaps our negative self talk is dwelling on the past. What’s done, is done, and the most important pace we are in is right here and now. This is where we are and what we can control and change. Comparing ourselves to others is another way we lose sight of ourselves and the present moment. Instead of feeling sad about what we don’t have or who we don’t look like or whatever - we can express happiness and gratitude for what that other person has and also come back to the present and see all the things and people and experiences that we have in our own lives. One of my favourite ways to get back into the present moment is to be physically active. When I’m lifting weights, practicing yoga, or doing pilates, I have to be connected to my body and my breath. Two very key things that bring your right back into the moment. The next time you’re feeling anxious about the future, or upset about the past, or feeling any type of scarcity or lack mindset, come back to your breath. Notice your inhalation and your exhalation, even if you just repeat the phrase “I am inhaling [inhale]. I am exhaling [exhale]” until you feel better. [12:28] TIP #4 LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF At the core, positive self-talk is about self kindness and self compassion. Learning to love yourself is the root of your positive self-talk and true happiness. Forget failure, learn to reframe the idea that failure is a bad thing! It’s actually a learning opportunity, a chance to develop a new skill, and a step forward out of your comfort zone! Believe in the successes you’ve achieved in life so far - I am sure there are many! Use the memory and evidence of past success to move you forward toward your future goals and dreams. [13:11] TIP #5 SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVITY Life is too short to get caught up in negativity. Learn to laugh at yourself when you make a mistake, find the humour in an otherwise dull situation. Speak positivity when you’re speaking with others, help others when you can. Write out and post your positive affirmations. And continue to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. Believe in yourself - you’ve got this! Okay, now, you’re om-work! Click here to download your free copy of my Build Your Affirmations Kit and get started today!
For full show notes visit www.valerielavignelife.com/natalie
Welcome Natalie! PART ONE: Being Comfortable in your Own Skin [3:40] You have one of the most unique and empowering stories I've ever heard. Could you share your journey to self love with us? Natalie was born a rare condition called Right-Side Isolated Hemihyperplasia. Which is a rare condition that one side of the body grows faster than the other. It can show up in a variety of ways, for Natalie it was everything from the neck down. She was never really aware of her condition because she didn't know any different, until she was about 10 years old, when young girls start to become more aware of their bodies, other kids your age start noticing that you're different. So there was a whole series of things that happened around that time. Natalie became a lot more self-conscious. she had a significant limp, she stood off centre because it caused a-symmetry. This lead to some bullying, and a lot of insecurity around all of it. Around the age of 10, she went back to see doctors, to see what she could do, with hopes of being able to be "fixed" and look like everyone else. To her disappointment, the doctors didn't know a lot about the rare condition and said that there was an option for surgery down the road when she finished growing. And then the doctor said to her, "Try and look at the bright side, and be grateful. You're a pretty girl and it didn't effect your face." These words, although not meant to be hurtful, at the time, Natalie took those words to mean, hide your body and only show your face. And this is what she started to do, for the next 20 years. She felt shame, she felt that being different wasn't accepted or okay. But yet she felt like a confident person. She was hiding herself to feel "like everyone else" and to not let people know what she was hiding. It was a mental, physical, and emotional struggle for a lot of years. It also taught Natalie that words can be very impactful. [7:33] What were some of the things you did to help you cope with and over come the tough parts of these impactful life events? There were some things that looking back, Natalie did like finding resources and tools to cope. She found so much comfort in the stories of other people who faced adversity. She was enamoured by their strength and their courage and aspired to be like that. Over time, her own resilience started to build up. She was angry and confused, but thinks that in those moments you become stronger and more resilient. She didn't think that she realized how it was all happening for her. But she did begin to find comfort in it, even though she was still hiding her body. She was still growing a lot as a person, and she found a lot of comfort and piece through expressing herself through hair and makeup.It was something Natalie did that could transform me and make me feel beautiful and confident, which has transferred to where she is now. Looking back it was important for her at the time. [9:35] How was what you went through growing up shaped who you are today? All of it does. Being born with a rare condition, losing my father at a really young age in a tragic way, having to go through a really painful surgery that had me bedridden for the better part of a year, it gave me this grit and this resilience to be able to do hard things. And to be able to see the end of the tunnel in a lot of situations. When you're in it if feels like the end of the world sometimes, but when you go through things enough, you really just come out with a different perspective. It really taught me valuable skills and built my character and strengthen my mindset. I'm stronger now, and no stranger to crisis. I don't believe that everything happens for a reason, but I do believe there are lessons to be learned in every situation that we go through. [11:10] Your mental and emotional strength is inspiring. When it comes to being comfortable in your own skin, what advice would you give women today? I would say that, rather than giving your challenges and your struggles power, you need to take that power. You need to own it and embrace it, and you need to let it be what fuels you to find your purpose. Because, no body is perfect and I think that's really hard for a lot of us because what we see, we tend to fixate on like the things we don't have, or the things that we want. But I honestly feel like we are all unique and beautiful and that is our power. It really is. [12:41] How do we find that part of us that says, "I am beautiful" and "I don't have to be perfect?" It took me many years to come to terms with my condition. I was angry, and I felt really alone and overtime my perspective just changed. And I think it changed in the perspective that I really believe that this was a gift rather than a curse. And I think it's really about changing how you look at things. And I think I was given this gift to empower other women. And by doing that, by empowering other women, I'm empowering myself. And every time I share my story, I become more and more confident myself, and feel like, this is my purpose. And there's nothing more powerful than feeling like you are actually living the life you are meant to live. Listen, I held myself back for 20 years. It took me a long time. And there are still bad days. I'm not saying that everything is perfect, and that I still don't struggle, and it's okay to have those days, but those days will end, and tomorrow is a new day. And I think that having that perspective, and taking that fire or whatever it is in you and flipping that switch and using it as your power is so amazing when you can actually feel it. And know that when you embrace who you are, and you share authentically and vulnerably, and people will become more connected to you. Brene Brown talks about the power of vulnerability and how it is the key to connection. So for a lot of people who feel disconnected because of their struggle, they really need to learn that by being vulnerable they will find those connections that they're craving. [15:15] You are the founder of Vent Blow Dry Bar. Tell us more about your business, what services you offer, as well as the purpose and mission behind these services? I walked away from my career in 2015, and I set out to join the world of entrepreneurship. After 2 years of research and construction we opened in July of 2017. At Vent Blow Dry Bar we offer blowouts, styling, and make up, in a unique luxury environment. Basically it's providing an exceptional service with a unique experience. It was really important to me to not be an other hair salon, I wanted to provide something different. So it's not meant to replace your hair stylist, it's meant to fill the gaps in between. Our clients sit at a style bar, there's music playing, there are TVs with rom-coms, we have a liquor license so we can serve some bubbly, and it's a really unique experience so that women can feel relaxed and get some much needed time back to themselves. Although it would seem like a simple service that we provide, it really isn't. There's so much purpose and a mission behind this. Personally, the value of this expression for me made me feel so confident, and beautiful, and I really wanted to create an environment for other women to feel the same way. PART TWO: LEAVING THE 9-5 FOR YOUR 24/7 [17:13] But you weren't always the CEO of your own company. Before that you had what society would call a "successful" career in politics and not-for-profit. Tell us about this leap into entrepreneurship. In 2015 I decided to leave my career and I was also approaching 40 so I think that played a bit of a role in that. It's funny how those numbers do something to you. I was really beginning to feel unfulfilled; to put it simply. I loved the work I was doing, and the career was amazing, and I always feel very lucky to have had that experience. But it was predictable. I am a planner and like to look at the 5 year, and 10 year goals that I have, and when I began to look 5 years ahead, it looked exactly the same. and I think that just kind of got my wheels turning. I had always been inspired by entrepreneurs and their willingness to take risks. My father was an entrepreneur. He was an architect and a designer, and I used to spend a lot of time with him going to work. I loved tracing over drawings, and hearing stories of people with these amazing businesses, and had the opportunity to see them unfold and come to fruition. I thought it was the most amazing thing. So I actually thought I wanted to follow in his footsteps and become an architect, and build other peoples dreams for them. But really, over the years and my own experiences, what I realized was that I wanted to be the architect of my own journey. My father was in a tragic accident when I was 13, went missing, and was never found. So life took such a turn. Another turn. And it was all around the same time, between the ages of 10 and 13, was just not a good time. But life became really challenging and I think I really had to dig deep again and find ways of making the best of the situation that I had. It always made me really determined to work hard for the things that I wanted because nothing was given to me. Nothing. And so I look back on my life and it was a great life. Married almost 20 years, three wonderful kids, great career, but I was not being challenged in the work that I was doing anymore. And it was scary, it was something I had to think long and hard about, because I knew what if felt like to have nothing, and to risk everything we had built for our family, was a scary thing. But I also know that I didn't want to look back on my life with any regrets, of not trying. So that's what fuelled me to walk away and start Vent, and in turn, be able to share my journey in such a personal way that I never envisioned, so although opening Vent has been such a rewarding experience, it's all the off chutes of that, that have been spectacular. [21:05] Was your family really supportive of the transition? What were some of the biggest obstacles during the transition, and how did you overcome them? As soon as I could show my husband what I was trying to do; we went to New York City and I showed him where I thought it was being done really well, I explained how I wanted to do it differently, and the purpose behind it, he knew. He knew the transformation in myself when I had my hair done. He said, "you have a skip in your step." And he understood that piece of it and he was very supportive from day one and he didn't need a lot of convincing. He is also much like me and we're planners, so we really did plan and wrote a business plan that is probably longer than any business plan you'll ever see in your lifetime. There was definitely pushback from a lot of people, and I think that's just because it was so different. It was basically leaving something that I was really good at, to starting something that I really knew nothing about. But they also knew the person that I was, and that I was going to put everything into it, and work really hard and learn, and I think overtime people did become more supportive, and there were naysayers, but I think that's what pushes you harder; to just prove them wrong. It was a huge learning curve. I didn't know anything about being an entrepreneur. I didn't know anything about opening a business. I knew how to lead a team, I knew the leadership style that was important to me, I knew that I wanted to create a business that didn't just serve me, but it served my clients and my team. I think when you have core values like that, and you let those guide you, then the rest falls into place. [23:35] Is there something you wish you knew then, that you know now? what advice would you give to someone leaving their 9-5 to start their own brick-and-mortar business? There's a few things, I think I made a few rookie mistakes for sure, and one of them was not understanding the value of community. This was huge, and I know this now, but in the beginning, I left a career that was very - was supported by a team and then I went to start something new, by myself. And it's very isolating. You get in your own head and you can question a lot of things along the way, and it's very difficult. And it wasn't until I found the value of networking and finding the value of a community of like-minded women that could provide a lot of support along the way, that things red ally changed. I would really advise anyone who wants to start a business is to find a community. Find a tribe of women that are going to cheer you on and support you through the ups and downs because there are a lot of them. That has been really key. [26:16] As a mom and entrepreneur aka "Mompreneur"... How have you created healthy boundaries? What does work-life balance look like to you? This is always such an interesting question, and I don't know that I agree with the term because it would imply that there is an equal balance on both sides, and I don't think there ever is. There's always going to be more demands on one side or the other. It's going to challenge you ever day. I think for me the difference might be that politics wasn't 9-5 either. So from the start of my career and the start of being a mom, my husband and I have been a great team, and we figured out how to balance life and work and dreams and careers and all the things that we want to achieve, together. Honestly, he and I have a great system to make sure that our kids are always supported. And that we also feel supported in what we're doing. I think that has been really critical because you can't do this without a supportive partner, and I think that the other piece of this is that my kids are a little bit older, so I've been able to include them in as much of the process as possible. I think it's a unique experience for them, to see their mom completely pivot at the age of 40, and to see that nothing has to be forever if you're not happy. If you want to change you can change, you can do anything you want to do. So I have really tried my best to include them in all of that. I think that's been helpful because they understand when I need to pour into my work a little bit more, they understand. I always try and be there for the most important things. I try to really work in pockets of time the best that I can, and I'v become really good at doing that and just getting things done, and I think it really works. There are definitely things that are hard because I have to miss some stuff, but my kids understand and I make sure that I'm there for the things that are really, really important to them. [29:25] You and I are similar in the way we both value our morning routines. Walk us through your morning: start to finish! This is something I also had to learn throughout my journey; the value of making time for myself, because as an entrepreneur, as a business owner, as a mom, there are lots of demands on my time, and I was usually the last person to get any of it, and that didn't end up well for me so I really went back to the basics. During all those times of struggle, what were the things that served me and pouring into me was really that. I get up really early. That's when there's nobody else awake, nobody needs me, and I can just dive into the things that really serve me. So I get up at around 5/5:30am and I spend a lot of time journalling and practicing gratitude, and meditating as much as possible. Sometimes I do that more than once a day. Just to get re-aligned with where I want to be, what I want to accomplish, what my mindset needs to be that day. It's really, really important for me. I exercise every day. This is something I have to do, sometimes I do it twice a day if it's possible. But it's moving my body. It's something that keeps me where I need to be. Then I spend a lot of time on personal development. I love to read, podcasts are my jam. I am always listening to a podcast. Honestly, podcasts have been really key in supporting me through this journey. Because it's the stories that are shared, the real stories of people, that have gotten me through some tough times. You see the memes of being an entrepreneur, it's up and down, up and down and that's really accurate so to be able to share my story, hopefully it helps others, but also these stories of others has really helped me as well. [32:30] Where can we find you/follow you? How can we support your business? INSTAGRAM | @im.nataliejames @ventblowdrybar WEBSITE | www.imnataliejames.com www.ventblowdrybar.com PART THREE: RAPID FIRE [33:30] What are you currently reading? OR your favourite book? Current read: Get Out of Your Own Way by Dave Hollis Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown [33:56] What do you love most about being a woman? I honestly think women were built for doing hard things. I couldn't be prouder to be a woman right now. I think we're leading the way in entrepreneurship, I think we make exceptional leaders, I think we can just do all of the things and finally we're starting to see the success of being a woman and what that looks like right now. [34:28] What does "empowerment" mean to you? To embrace your story, to live your truth, and do not give power to the things and the situations that don't serve you. Take that power and let it guide you to your purpose. [35:05] What are you currently working toward? I am really loving this journey of sharing my story, and I really hope to inspire other women and girls through sharing this. More speaking opportunities lined up, some writing opportunities. I really feel like this is my purpose right now, and I'm really diving into that and seeing where it goes.
