Tell Me About Your Kids: Recent Episodes
Bonnie Harris
Be a fly on the wall of unfiltered 1 on 1 counseling sessions as Bonnie Harris, 30 yr. veteran of Connective Parenting, author and counselor helps parents navigate their daily challenges and weaves her compassion and empathy for parents as she builds their capability to turn their frustrations into opportunities to connect with their children.
Can you believe that Bonnie and Adam have created 150 episodes of “Tell Me About Your Kids” over the last 3 years?! In this episode, they reflect on the experience, as well as what they’ve both come to understand about Connective Parenting and the universal struggles of parenthood.
From punishment to being friends with your kids, to loving but sometimes not liking them, to wondering how life would be if we’d never had them, to the effects of generational trauma, Bonnie and Adam touch on many of life’s quandaries. And of course, the conversation wouldn’t be complete without a BIG thank you to the MANY generous parents who have been guests on the show.
An Important Note: This summer, Bonnie and Adam are taking a well-deserved hiatus. But don’t worry, you can catch up on popular episodes, ones you missed, or any you feel like it’s time to revisit. Stay tuned for details about the next chapter of Tell Me About Your Kids coming later this year!
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
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When little kids fight and hurt each other, it’s all a parent can do not to grab, yell, blame and ultimately shame the hitter. Lee and Andre are learning how to hold their 3-year-old hitter accountable without all that. Instead, Celine learns the natural consequences of her behavior (a lost opportunity with blame) and how to develop her brain to think ahead—as long as Lee and Andre can alter their mindset and therefore their automatic reactions. The key to raising responsible, respectful people is modeling that ourselves. Lee and Andre need to reprogram old tapes that quickly assume malice and tell them yelling at Celine is the way to teach her not to do it again. Tune in to learn the No-Blame Solution to sibling fights—no matter what age your kids.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
There is nothing more urgent for parents today than what their children are or will be doing on social media. Fears run rampant and get in the way of effective communication with children. Devorah Heitner, Ph.D. author of the best seller “Screenwise”, talks with me about our children’s public lives online that she explores extensively in her upcoming book, “Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World”. We cover everything from “sharenting” to sexting to surveillance apps at home and at school. Listen in to get Devorah’s strategies for developing your kids’ online character, teaching consent and safety as opposed to policing and forbidding.
Listen to Chapter 1 of Growing Up in Public on her website Devorahheitner.com
Preorder Growing Up in Public now wherever you get books for September release
Follow her on Instagram @devorahheitnerphd
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Hannah grew as a person and a parent when she learned the hard way to pay
attention to her daughter’s experience and not compare it to her own. What 13 year
old Josie has learned to be comfortable with is all new territory for Hannah. In her
eager attempt to prove her support for her daughter, she was actually taking care of
herself instead. Listen in for first-hand evidence of the power of mutual respect and
strong boundaries from the early years on so that the inevitable hard stuff is not so
hard to get through and learn from.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Even when connection is strong with her two boys, 14 and 6, screens pose problems for Anne. Her intentions are on track to support the boys’ self-regulation skills but when agreements are broken and sleep is lost, worries take over and tempers rise. Two entirely different temperaments require different expectations. The expectations for her Harmony Child can easily rise and create more pressure than Anne realizes. Choices and boundaries—understanding whose problem is whose—will help the self-regulation Anne hopes for and ensure that her harmony son never silences his voice.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
When past learned behaviors pop up and derail connection with her two children, Ellie’s default is to blame herself. She feels so discouraged when they won’t do as she asks. Why can’t I get this right is what echoes in her head until she starts stressing and yelling to get them to do it right. Just by understanding where her thinking comes from is the beginning of de-fusing that button that gets pushed so she can have the connection she wants. She is so close.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Harry, 9, is an impulsive, Integrity kid* reacting, as kids do, to how he has come to view himself—not good enough, not as loved as his sister, a problem, bad. His parents have raised him by the common myth that ordering and criticizing a child for bad behavior will cause that child to change that behavior—and that one should never give positive attention to negative behavior. Harry has developed a strong defense of clownish yet aggressive and hurtful “silliness”—a defense that protects his belief in himself. Tune in to learn where Harry’s resentment and anger comes from and how his mother must first see Harry differently before he can see himself differently.
Other podcasts about Integrity and Harmony kids:
Episode 12 – Oct. 6, ’20 The Orchid Child and the Dandelion Child Pt. 2
Episode 13 - Oct. 13, ’20 Stubborn Kid, Frustrated Parents
Episode 34 – March 18, 21 The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Most but Wrong Kind of Attention
Episode 40 – April 29, 21 Controlling the Fight
Episode 49 – July 1, ’21 “Parenting him is like a full-time job”
Episode 73 – Dec. 16, ’21 “This behavior has got to stop!”
Episode 89 – April 7, 22 Dealing with Emotion Explosions
Episode 99 – June 16, ’22 “Why don’t I ever get to decide?” Helping an Integrity Kid Feel Heard
Episode 124 – Dec. 15, ’23 When It Feels Like You’ve Lost Control without Punishment
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Hallie and her now ex-husband adopted their first child, Kyle. Subsequently she got pregnant with her second son, Kayden, the subject of much resentment for Kyle. In this episode we dig into the many causes of Kyle’s anger as well as his “I don’t care” attitude. Adoption is complicated for a child, and in this case, Kyle feels the rejection twice over. Traditional parenting with punitive consequences has made things worse for him. Now is the time for healing deep-set wounds. Listen in for tips on how effective communication can help Kyle express his anger more productively and trust his mother so he can find his way back.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Blame is what turns sibling fights into sibling rivalry. Rivalry brings with it pretty constant anger and resentment at least from one child toward another. But it’s hard not to blame the child who hits or deeply hurts another. The parents job is to help children thru their own tough times—not do it for them and not put them down for doing it wrong. Blame never teaches what you want. Learn how to use the No-Blame Solution to teach your children not only to stop resenting each other but to care for each other and be accountable for their actions.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Siblings are going to fight. They are too close to each other not to. It’s tricky to allow their fights without turning them into sibling rivalry. Rivalry is the key word here. Your kids become rivals for your approval. That is unless you are always able to keep your approval neutral and stay out of their fights. That’s the hard part when you see one of them treating the other unfairly. Get on board with these tools so you can keep their arguing and bickering far away from any rivalry.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
No matter what your race, do you know how to talk to your kids in a coherent, age-appropriate way about race and racism? Were you brought up ignorant about racism, thinking it was only about someone else? I talk with Emma Redden and Grace Aldrich about their work in helping people discover their own histories in order to help their children understand theirs.
Grace and Emma are community educators and work with groups of teachers, parents and caregivers. If you are interested in working with them contact them through their website {thefullstoryschool.org} or by email at thefullstoryschool@gmail.com.
Grace and Emma have 2 podcasts Freedom Means and Kistory.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Camille’s early childhood trauma still asserts itself through her body language when she bites her lip. Because of the work Camille has done, her 9 year old daughter, Aria, can call her on it. But that lip still betrays Camille whenever she feels those old triggering emotions. Listen in to learn how to become aware of what your body, if not your words and emotions, may be telling your children and how to neutralize the effect, so you don’t pass on the anxiety of your own traumatic experience. Triggers take us into the past. Awareness of the past can keep us in the moment. Our best parenting tool is our own healing.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Katherine wants her 9 year old to be able to stand up for herself and eventually save the world with her strength of spirit. But in the meantime, she unintentionally undermines that strength by not accepting it right now. Zelda perceives her parents as the enemy because she believes she must fight them to be heard. Her difficult “integrity” temperament worries her parents who get angry when they think she ignores them or says they’re mean. They try to explain, but the fight comes, not when Zelda can’t do what she wants, but when she feels wrong for the wanting.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
What would it mean for Erica to allow her friend to find her own way thru parenting that works for her? What does she need to give up to be the loving, compassionate friend she wants to be? These are the questions that get answered as Bonnie looks into the critical role of boundaries to determine what is Erica’s business and what is her friend’s. With the intention of helping her 13 year old daughter and friend get unleashed from a 5 year old’s tantrums, Erica wants to impose her better way but in doing so ends up exploding from two years of holding in judgement.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
How do you reconnect with a child who has pushed you away because he believes he has failed you? How do answer an angry child who yells, “If yelling at you is the way I express my anger, why shouldn’t I be allowed to do that?” Ginger has long suffered from depression and when it hit rock bottom, her life turned upside down. Her ex got custody of the kids and now she’s fighting to get them back. The divorce, depression, and hospitalization understandably provoked fear and anger in her 9 and 11 year olds. Not knowing who can be trusted has led the 11 year old to see one perspective only and that means shutting his mom out to protect himself.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
We all want our kids to stop fighting. But even our best intentions usually set up the next fight because we don’t understand what the bottom line really is. If we don’t truly get why siblings fight with each other, what they are really after and how we can fulfill that, we’ll never be able to use the necessary communication skills effectively and end the fighting once and for all. It’s common sense, but it requires a very different mindset. Tune in to hear Adam and Bonnie discuss how anger and blame keeps the fighting going and how this reframe can steer you away from anger and blame.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
All children feel afraid of things they perceive out of their control. Feeling scared, nervous, upset is all perfectly normal. Jess’ 7 year old daughter Lily is dealing with normal fears of a quiet, cautious child Jess worries is stuck in anxiety. Jess’s childhood fears were dismissed by an inconvenienced mother with little to no empathy. It’s no wonder Jess wants to rid her daughter of any of the fears that left her feeling alone, frightened and unsafe. To this day she gets triggered when she feels invalidated.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Ruthie’s 14 year old daughter makes a lot of emotional noise which leaves her mother feeling bulldozed. Whenever Olivia is emotionally charged, Ruthie is triggered to backdown and block out the oncoming chaos of her daughter leaving Olivia without support. But this sensory overload is familiar to Ruthie. As a child, she learned to numb her exterior to protect her sensitive interior from the criticism and ridicule from her parents. Her hardened exterior developed to protect her scared interior. Her daughter’s behavior triggers the same numbing response. Listen in to hear how Ruthie can let that protective barrier down, expose her genuine self, and give her daughter the support she needs.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Kristen is working hard to navigate her 50/50 parenting time, leaving her feeling unable to deal with her two children’s aggression toward her and each other. The highly structured life her 10 and 6 year olds have with their father provokes Kristen to compensate at the other end of the spectrum putting her needs on hold. Chaos leads to daily crisis. Kristen is too tired for strategies and worn down by the judgements when she hears, They never behave that way here.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Katie has put a lot of time into her positive parenting. The problem is she can be a little too positive when trying to motivate her 5-year-old. Understanding her daughter’s temperament is a must for Katie to set appropriate expectations so as not to be inconsiderate of her needs. Katie would never intend to be inconsiderate, but when we break it down what happens, that’s what it is. This episode is a great lesson in what I call Connective Communication (the updated version of How to Talk to Kids so They’ll Listen) which is the only way to truly express empathy (not necessarily agreement). We all just want to be understood. That is the way to motivate anyone.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Is your child’s behavior more than just annoying? Is it a mystery with seemingly no clues? Are you worried his development is off track? Is she having difficulty performing at the level of her peers? Do think he needs more support than you can give? Do you get angry when she “never listens”? Tune in to hear clinical psychologist Dr. Lara Kroodsma break down the various tests available to us now to learn how your child’s brain works and understand his unique development. Behavior is usually the child’s effort to solve a problem. Testing can help the child learn how to make that problem easier, and a diagnosis, if given, can be a guide to help children strategize their challenges using their strengths.
Questions for Dr. Lara? Go to her website - https://morningstarpsych.com
A good follow-up to this podcast with Dr. Kroodsma is episode #120 aired 11/10/22 — Community Pieces # 7: How getting an evaluation for your child can boost self-esteem.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Camilla is mother to four children ranging from 18 to 25. She has raised her children with a connected approach and is here to tell the results at the stage of launching into adulthood. Here’s what it means to raise kids with no punishment (that includes unnatural consequences) but only kindness, respect, firmness and focus on relationship above all else. If your fear is—How do they learn to do what you want? They’ll be entitled, disrespectful people. They won’t learn that real life has consequences—then this is the listen for you. Camilla has begged the question over and over: What’s more important being right or being connected?
You can reach Camilla at:
Myparentingsolutions.com
Camilla@myparentingsolutions.com
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
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Kate’s 2 yr. (her third child) needs to wear glasses. Ever tried to get a toddler to do what she must but what she hates? This is a problem that goes on throughout development—when you have to insure your child does something she refuses. Finding the balance between motivating and loosening up is the only way to stay out of power struggles and the only hope of gaining cooperation. Listen in to learn how to say no without saying no and to empower your child to begin to take responsibility for herself.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
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Anne is the mother of two tween boys 11 and 12. Being an Integrity kid, Brooks, the younger, is reacting to years of blame and punishments from parents who wish he was more like his brother. His defenses arise when he perceives that his brother James has an easier, happier life. His natural aggression has turned angry and violent. He wants to punish back. Gratitude is out of his reach. Listen in to learn what is underneath Brooks’ retribution and how empathy can change everything.
Other podcasts about Integrity and Harmony kids:
Episode 12 – Oct. 6, ’20 The Orchid Child and the Dandelion Child Pt. 2
Episode 13 - Oct. 13, ’20 Stubborn Kid, Frustrated Parents
Episode 34 – March 18, 21 The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Most but Wrong Kind of Attention
Episode 40 – April 29, 21 Controlling the Fight
Episode 49 – July 1, ’21 “Parenting him is like a full-time job”
Episode 73 – Dec. 16, ’21 “This behavior has got to stop!”
Episode 89 – April 7, 22 Dealing with Emotion Explosions
Episode 99 – June 16, ’22 “Why don’t I ever get to decide?” Helping an Integrity Kid Feel Heard
Episode 124 – Dec. 15, ’23 When It Feels Like You’ve Lost Control without Punishment
Also
Community Pieces: Episode #25, Jan. 7, 2021 – When Conflict between Parents Needs the Big Conversation
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on Audible
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
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For 5 yr. old Aiko, “everything goes in really big and comes out really big”, says his mom, Janneke. Part of that ‘really big’ comes out at his 10 yr. old brother when Aiko’s jealousy rears up. Calling Noa a dummy over and over has become a habit for Aiko, and sensitive Noa takes it as fact. Breaking the habit requires a new frame for Aiko—instead being told again and again that it’s not ok. Listen through to hear Bonnie’s Gremlin exercise which can help that reframing process—that, and no more blame.
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
We're ending 2022 with an episode from the archives. We figured it's always a good time to get a lesson on relationship. Tracy’s children are not too young to begin this important process. Most parents naturally get hung up on what is important to teach and get stuck in the minutia of daily life and chaos with young kids. We forget that the main thing we want our children to learn is to be respectful and considerate. Tracy gets a reminder of this important aspect of parenting and how her issue with getting toys picked up blocks her needed focus on developing a mutually respectful relationship.
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
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After my interview on Safe Home Podcast with Beth Syverson, I decided it would make a perfect puzzle piece, because it turned out to be a great overview of connected parenting. I discuss the principles of connective parenting and how they were developed thru learning about myself. The primary focus is on the relationship between parent and child and the responsibilities of the parent. There is also a great description of the Integrity and Harmony children, terms we use a lot on this podcast and the work of Dr. Thomas Boyce on the Orchid and Dandelion children from which my terms evolved. I also define behavior, where it comes from, and the iceberg model which illustrates how one’s emotions provoke the behavior.
Safe Home Podcast with Beth Syverson is for struggling teens and their families finding their healing path. 18yo Joey and his moms Beth and Jan share from the heart their experiences and struggles with addiction and mental health.
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
🚨 Great offers for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
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From backtalk to “drive-by hitting”, to stepping on his baby brother, four year old Pacey is trying to tell his parents, Lauren and Matt, about his very complicated feelings. Having been brought up by authoritarian parents who used physical punishment, Lauren and Matt are working hard to shift their mindset to a connective approach but still see Pacey as intentionally trying to get their negative attention. Listen in and learn how to interpret the information provided by a child’s behavior and the messages parents unintentionally send with punitive tactics.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
• Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
• Earth Mama Organics
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Amy and Rick have two children, 7 and 4 ½. While Rick is quite laid back, Amy is the one dealing with an often debilitating amount of stress and overwhelm when the kids are demanding. She either withdraws or gives in to avoid having to deal with the situation at hand. Her go-to is, “I don’t have time for this,” which really means she can’t deal with the pain that their behavior triggers from her childhood experiences.
Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
https://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496
Earth Mama Organics
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James and Shan have four kids from 15 to 7. Their 15 yo has gotten quite far off track and their 13 yo Harmony son is experiencing the fallout. He tries to take the reins when his parents don’t stop the madness and chaos with his sister that causes him distress. They try to tell him it’s not his responsibility, but he has to do something to help himself. Listen in to hear some ways they can honor his frustration and help him deal in the moment.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
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Betrayal, isolation, anger, and dismissal plague Carly, mother of three children, after discovering the family secret everyone else was in on but her. At 39, Carly accidentally learned that her father was not her biological father. Her mother’s attempts to get Carly to get over it and move on, along with her refusal to get the help she needs, leave Carly hanging off the cliff feeling uncared for and alone.
Trust has been decimated. Their relationship, once thought to be close, is in peril. How do everyone’s roles readjust? How does Carly keep her children’s beloved grandmother in the picture when forgiveness is not in the cards? How do you bring in a new grandfather the children never knew? How does Carly find what she needs?
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discount
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We all want our children to be able to reach their potential. Along with a connected relationship, many, many children have neuro-diverse needs that affect their daily learning. When your child is identified with a learning difference, the question of evaluating may be raised. What then? As scary as it can be to get a diagnosis for your child, what’s best for the long-haul development is awareness of strengths and weaknesses so success is assured. Educational consultant, Shannon MacNamara, helps parents understand and implement evaluations of their child’s specific differences so the child finds the best fit for their capabilities. Shannon helps answer all your questions about finding an evaluator, the benefits of an evaluation, and what she can add to the process to help find ways for your child to shine alongside any challenges.
Shannon can be found at:
Curiouskidseducational.com
And contacted personally at:
shannon@curiouskidseducational.com
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
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April has had a long and close relationship with her now 16-year-old. Yet, for the past year, since he has been in a significant relationship, he doesn’t want to hear one word from his mother about it. He tells her to stop “inserting herself where she shouldn’t”, that he doesn’t need parenting, among other edgy remarks that have left her hurting. Listen in while Bonnie and April pull apart what is possible to understand where he might be coming from and determine the best route to follow now.
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Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Meltdowns in kids any age are tough. We think they’re bad and must end and that children need to learn to control themselves, certainly after five or six, and not be subject to meltdowns. A meltdown is your signal of your child’s pent-up unexpressed emotions that need to come out. Ever had a “good cry”? You feel better afterwards, right? Listen in to hear why meltdowns should be allowed at any age, how to approach them and see them as a good thing.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
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Kristen, mom to boys 8 and 11, gets triggered by what she considers stupid and unnecessary squabbles. Her anger erupts when the boys’ bickering disrupts the harmony she expects in her family. But it’s not about the bickering, it’s about Kristen’s fears about the bickering. Kristen takes full responsibility for the family dynamics and believes it is her responsibility to get to harmony. The family disruption she imagines is her problem, not the boys’. Roots into her past shed light on her sister’s disruption to their family. Learn how Kristen finds what she needs to drop her unrealistic expectation and to defuse her button.
🚨 New offer for Tell Me About Your Kids listeners!! 🚨
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Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Rachel is in turmoil over the negative energy from her 6 year old. When he’s not screaming at his sister, Ben admits he feels like nobody loves him. It all started when his sister was born four years ago. He immediately showed signs of aggression toward her. He still dumps his deep resentment on her with harsh name-calling. “Did I birth a sociopath?” Rachel feared when her reasoning with him didn’t work. Listen in for lots of Bonnie’s suggestions with tools to help Rachel help her son feel heard and more important in their family.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Bonnie and Adam have an in-depth discussion about the ins and outs (pun intended) of “the sex talk”—the optimal time to have it with your kids, and why honesty is always the best policy. The talk can be really tough for parents who feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. Too often parents wait until embarrassment is high on both sides, so it never happens. Enter the internet. Embarrassment gets in the way of providing good, healthy, honest information about perfectly normal things that happen to our bodies. When we normalize the whole experience, chances are children will be far more responsible when the time comes.
A few books to help you initiate talking to your kids about sex:
Where Did I Come From by Peter Mayle
A Child is Born and How Was I Born, both by Lennart Nilsson
Happy Birthday!, It’s Perfectly Normal, and It’s So Amazing by Robie Harris, Michael Emberley
Mommy Laid an Egg by Babette Cole
What’s the Big Secret: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys by Laurie Krasny Brown and Mark Brown
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Frannie and her husband have four children 7 and under. Frannie is getting a handle on not pushing her food values onto her kids but sometimes she feels like she’s “dying on the inside” while biting her tongue. She fears the influence from outside the bubble of her kitchen, where she can control, which leads her to feeling out of control of her children in many areas. Bonnie discusses the important difference between influencing our children as opposed to controlling them.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Kelly and Kory have been hard at work to recognize, acknowledge, and stop the trauma they experienced as children. The messages they learned about themselves dug in and led to the kneejerk, in the heat of the moment, reactions they hate with their three children. They are learning that connection is the path forward.
The terms Integrity and Harmony are used often in this podcast by regular listeners. To learn more about what these terms mean, listen to some of these other episodes:
Episode 12 – Oct. 6, ’20 The Orchid Child and the Dandelion Child Pt. 2
Episode 13 - Oct. 13, ’20 Stubborn Kid, Frustrated Parents
Episode 34 – March 18, 21 The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Most but Wrong Kind of Attention
Episode 40 – April 29, 21 Controlling the Fight
Episode 49 – July 1, ’21 “Parenting him is like a full-time job”
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Kat has had it with her two rambunctious boys interrupting, taking charge, and monopolizing conversations. As well as many tips for interrupting kids, Bonnie shows Kat why she needs to hold onto her energy and stop expecting her boys to “give her the room”. Instead of thinking they are taking her energy, Kat can take responsibility for herself and be better able to set limits. Her childhood plays a big part in how much she deserves her energy.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
When you find yourself nagging, what do you look for, and what are next steps? After unforeseen circumstances that literally took Rachel away from her then 8-year-old daughter, not to mention the effects of Covid over the last two years, Rachel needs to take those steps to reconnect with her “feisty” strong-willed 10 y.o. We discover that an allowance will help as well as setting appropriate boundaries, so Rachel no longer depends on her daughter responding the way she expects her to.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Bonnie and Adam riff a bit introducing the coming season which will start with the Sept. 8th episode. They share how completely different their respective summers were—one with a baby and one with an angry camper.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
All parents are stressed and most kids are too. How do you help your kids navigate their stress. And how do you navigate yours? It helps to be aware of the mindset in which you perceive stress. Then change your mindset and change your experience.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Wish you had that blow-up to do over again? Well, actually you do. All you need to repair a regrettable situation is your willingness to admit making a mistake (even if your child made a worse one) and taking some time to think about what you would have done instead had you had your thinking brain online. Bonnie goes over the Do-Over with dialogue to help you understand how easy the process is. Your child will appreciate it and likely make amends as well.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
When your button has been pushed, nothing can rescue you in the heat of the moment. You feel out of control and say and do things you wish you hadn’t. In this Tip episode Bonnie explains what it is that happens to you in that moment and how to put 6 easy steps into practice to change your reactions—and be the parent you always hope to be.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Your child always wants to do the right thing and please you. So, how come he does the opposite and makes you see red? When he screams obscenities, throws a block at you or his sister, or hits in anger, that means there is an obstacle in his way of doing it right. Your job is to figure out what the obstacle is. When you can see this, it will change your perspective of your child and his behavior. In this Tip, Bonnie walks you through the first and most important principle of Connective Parenting.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Do you struggle when your parenting partner—or family members—respond/react to your children in ways that drive you nuts? Do you wish you could change how your partner talks or yells at your kids (even when you do the same) and worry your children are being traumatized? When it comes down to it, most of us want the other parent to do what we do. Listen in to Bonnie and Adam as they discuss this almost universal issue. Discover that being on the same page is not necessarily the best thing for your kids. But being in the same book is.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Jen feels at war with especially one of her two screen-loving sons. Does she let go of all restrictions and live in “peace” like her friends or does she keep to her limits fearing another battle? Screentime management is hard for the calmest parents. Listen to Bonnie’s adjustments that will likely help Jen find a middle ground between being a “screen dictator” and throwing up her hands in defeat.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Laura gets her buttons pushed by her three children when they behave in ways she would never have dared. When her children resist or even complain, she feels disrespected and unappreciated. Then anger and threats rise to the surface and her childhood beliefs take over her parenting. Laura has already learned a lot and changed a good deal of her parenting, but she keeps getting stuck when she believes the voices in her head that developed long ago. Listen in and learn what she can do to quell those voices.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Jackie has teenage sons, one of who is home from college and who seems to have shut her out and disconnected from the family. Several episodes throughout his life may have led to his distrust in an otherwise very connected family. As Jackie says, she wants to have a voice in his life. Join us while we unravel possible reasons for the disconnect, rebuild trust, offer ways to let go of active parenting, and reestablish connection with her son.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
If your child is highly emotional or sensitive, aggressive, a picky eater, reactive to loud noises, very physical, has a hard time sleeping, etc. an occupational therapist can prescribe an individualized “sensory diet”. From infancy thru high school, your child is giving you behavioral cues. Occupational therapy can be a wonderful adjunct to help you find “attunement” and with those cues to help your child. Join Bonnie and Chelsey Harrington as they discuss how occupational therapy can provide the help you didn’t know you needed.
Chelsey Harrington is a pediatric occupational therapy assistant. She is a holistic family health coach.
You can reach her here:
Instagram @chelseyharringtoncoaching
Email: chelseyverser@yahoo.com
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
I am pleased and honored to have my two adult children on the show talking about life growing up in a connected family, what it’s like for each of them as both parents and partners, and their hopes and fears going forward in this unpredictable world. Hang in till the end to hear some powerful social media advice from a high school teenager.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
You don’t hear me! is the emotional cry underneath the explosions and irrational pleadings of 7 ½ yr. old Jude. His parents have come a long way in being patient, but they get stuck and threaten punishment when he refuses to do what he has to do. They fear he will push others away with his demands, will always have to be right, and will have no friends. Renee and Gary have recorded episodes of Jude’s raging that are included. When we discuss how to respond to the need under his screaming, Renee and Gary fear they will have to give in to what he wants. Learn how to be as considerate of your child’s wishes, no matter how irrational, as you hope him to be of you and others.
To learn more about Integrity Kids, check out https://bonnieharris.com/9-signs-your-defiant-kid-is-actually-an-integrity-child/ on Bonnie's website
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Jean has a difficult parenting job given her three children’s special needs. As much as she prepared herself during her pregnancies to be the best for them, life threw curve balls. Having three high needs children which means she is a high needs parent with no off switch. Being addicted to doing more and better leaves Jean always with unfinished business. Listen in to hear how getting back to basics can be just what her children need most.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Parents who use punishment methods attempting to control children’s behavior find themselves fighting within themselves to do the right thing. When one has been brought up on the reward and punishment system, it requires a major mindset shift to take focus off behavior and put it on emotional connection. Julie must travel through the stage of feeling like a neglectful parent to see the benefits of her children first and foremost feeling good about themselves to then behave better. Listen in while she connects the dots and comes out with the perspective she needs to truly help her children feel good enough from the start.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
How many more children will it take? Bonnie and Adam tackle the horrific and latest school shooting resulting in the loss of many, many children and teachers. How can we better value our children as a culture, from the dilemma of gun control to the pain and fear all of you parents are experiencing right now? The ripple effects of this issue take us around the bend and back again.
https://www.everytown.org/
to learn more about how you can help stop gun violence.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
With three children five and under, Yanina finds mornings harried, loud, and frustrating. From fielding sibling fights, to getting breakfast in them, shoes on their feet and everyone out the door, Yanina is short on understanding and time. But consideration for what they want doesn’t take extra time, it takes a different mindset. Listen in to hear some tips Bonnie shares for making mornings a bit easier. With small children, mornings will not be smooth and calm, but Yanina’s shifted attention becomes an investment in the day when smooth, calm mornings are more the rule than the exception.
See also Episode #60 – The Two Hour Nagging Train Out the Door
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Anna has been trying to get her 7 year old to accept her safety and screentime limits she believes are absolutely appropriate and understood. So when Maddie continually ignores them, Anna sees a defiant child who is not listening—a button-pusher. Bonnie helps Anna see that the reason a limit is not followed is not because her daughter is belligerent or dismissive. It’s because the limits are not logical to Maddie, her Integrity child. If time and time again a limit is disregarded, it’s time to question the limit not the child.
Articles:
9 Signs Your Defiant Kid is Actually an Integrity Child - https://bonnieharris.com/9-signs-your-defiant-kid-is-actually-an-integrity-child/
6 Warning Signs You Need to Empower Your Harmony Child - https://bonnieharris.com/6-warning-signs-you-need-to-empower-your-harmony-child/
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Bonnie and Adam discuss what makes a bully and a bully’s target. Temperament does not but certain combinations of temperament together under an autocratic parenting style means that bullies are made at home. It’s all about power and insecurity. Listen in to hear Bonnie’s take on the remedy we need to resolve bullying—as well as raising kids with connective parenting.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Jade and Richard are concerned about their 16 yo daughter who is convinced that she can let go of her grades in certain subjects because she’s decided on an art-focused career, she doesn’t need to worry about her grades in courses she will never use. And she might not even need to go to college at all. When her parents try to convince her otherwise, Beatrice digs in her heels. Listen in to hear her arguments and learn what Beatrice really does need from her parents.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Dawn worries that her quiet two year old is always the one who gets the brunt of her peers’ aggressive behavior. Is Maggie undisturbed or does she not know what to do? Dawn’s childhood experience of being bullied is hard for her to ignore when she observes her daughter’s passive nature. Bonnie explains the how-tos of role playing—no matter how old the child—to help empower a child who appears the underdog. But she also warns parents to support who their child is and resist the fear of who the child could become.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Kelly, a naturally organized person who kept her toys in order from the get-go, is at war with her seven-year-old who makes a thick carpet of his toys all over the house. Kelly has attempted to give her two children a life where they want for nothing. But now her oldest is seven and demands she get him water. She feels trapped and exhausted by the constant clean-up struggle. Listen in to learn how Kelly can begin to step out of the battle. It requires allowing her son to struggle.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Lisa’s daughter Ayla is a sensitive child who gets triggered easily by things not going her way/not going “right” from her point of view. When that happens, she expresses loudly, angrily, and often physically. Lisa worries that her younger son is getting overwhelmed by his sister’s meltdowns and fears he will think that he gets short shrift whenever Ayla wants to get her way. Listen in to gain strategies for handling these big emotions and ensuring that the bystander sibling will be just fine—also handling sibling fights between the two kids.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
We all want our kids to feel motivated to be successful, but we often get motivation mixed up with pressuring them to do what we think is right. Unintentionally we can send our kids down the path of anxiety and perfectionism when we lose trust in following their impulses, desires and tendencies. Tune in to hear Bonnie discuss the differences and how to make sure you are not setting up unrealistic expectations your kids may fail at meeting.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
A huge part of the exhaustion and drain of parenting comes from our need to teach our children how to be good people. What if you didn’t need to teach so much? What you need is to be the respectful, responsible person you want your child to become. Arbitrary consequences are disrespectful of a child and interfere with the powerful teaching of natural consequences—which require allowing rather than teaching. Respect of self and others means having a clarity of boundaries that makes parenting life much easier and less complicated for your children to figure out. But of course, respecting yourself may go against everything you learned as a child.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Of course we want our children to play. Who doesn’t? But how many of you are willing to let them play the way they want to—and need to? Parents are too quick to jump in and supervise in well-intentioned efforts to teach children right from wrong, how to be “nice”, and how not to be selfish. But do these intentions fit with a child’s normal developmental processes? Children’s play has become more and more supervised and externally directed. The result can be dire for later learning and discipline issues in our youth.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
For eons, children have been “taught” to do what the parent wants using punishment as a tool. But punishment actually teaches the opposite of what you want your children to learn—because it teaches out of fear. It’s also hard to get out of the head that you as the parent should not be the “boss” of your child. In fact, you want your child to be the boss of herself. Just not of you. Enter problem solving—the tool of partnership, engagement, and balance.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
You want to know what’s going on with your kids—why they’re doing what they’re doing or what feelings are festering inside. But most parents go about trying to find out by asking questions. What’s wrong? Why are you so upset? How do you feel about that? Why can’t you understand that? They don’t know why or what’s happening in their emotional state—until they get to be emotionally literate. Most kids don’t have the maturity to #1 understand what they are feeling, and #2 put those feelings into words. And most kids, especially introverts, hate to be asked questions.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Caroline has a strong sensitivity to noise and gets easily overwhelmed by her young children’s normally expected loudness, especially from her very boisterous 2 yr. old. But her attempts to control herself from yelling at them result in shutting down or withdrawing, which may send them the wrong message. Listen in while we examine ways for Caroline not only to own her problem honestly but engage her children in helping.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Every parent I know wants to limit their kid’s screen time. Making an agreement with a child to do so is not the hard part. It’s getting them off when time is up that can drive the best of parents mad. Lacie and Weston are worried about the slippery slope their 5 yr. old is on. He wants to veg in front of a screen at the end of his very active day. That’s fine. But when and how does it stop? Think motivate instead of threaten.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Do you find it hard to land on moderation in your parenting and to help your children find moderation in their activities? Adam and Bonnie discuss the ins and outs of finding balance in everything from technology to emotions—and sometimes it requires allowing the discomfort of the lack of it. Anxiety is becoming pervasive in childhood. Moderation is the antidote. Rather than swinging to one end of the pendulum or the other, finding the gray areas in the middle means letting go of what we might think is right. Your tone sets the stage.
EP 7 Parenting In Public
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tell-me-about-your-kids/id1524545638?i=1000489718226
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Deb is in shock since her once “good” girl has turned 15 and is budding into her teen energy and behavior. Fear takes over and blinds Deb to the strong connection that is there with her smart, responsible daughter who needs her trust. When fear takes over, trust is lost, and Grace feels it. Grace has no choice, she thinks, but to sneak to get what she wants.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Kate’s 8 and 7 yr old boys love to roughhouse and tease their little sister—common, ordinary kid behaviors that can provoke real fears and even panic in the most progressive of parents. Fear and projections of her own past play into how Kate mitigates this natural kid behavior. Bonnie shows how storytelling, natural consequences and letting kids come up with the answers are far more effective than lecturing or punishing when managing potentially dangerous behaviors.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
After a father’s sudden death, trying to pull life together can leave big holes in a family dynamic. Nate, the 20 yo, tries to fill his father’s shoes leaving 15 yo Julia struggling with the loss of her father, the pandemic, her working mom, and starting high school remotely. Alone in her pain all day, her world begins to unravel. When her mom is upset with sinking grades, Julia’s internal world crumbles leaving her external behavior as cries for help.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Friendship isn’t parenting, right? “I’m the parent and my kids have to learn to do what they’re told.” But when you parent from this perspective, your relationship with your child is at risk. You are likely setting up an obligation-based relationship. Do you want your goal to be friendship or obligation? Do you feel obligated to your parents? Listen in as Bonnie and Adam dig into the whys and wherefores of relationships and how to end up with the relationship you want with your kids. Read Bonnie’s article about Your Parent Authority - https://bonnieharris.com/using-your-parent-authority/
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Barbara has brought up four outspoken children unafraid to share their opinions about life and politics. Their dinner table is lively. As proud as she is of their confidence, Barbara feels hurt, criticized, and dismissed in the face of them doing what she taught them to do—exactly the feelings she once felt when faced with her exacting, critical grandmother. Listen in and see how the dots get connected to help her regain her bravery.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
To end the year, Adam and I chose some choice clips from several of the most popular podcasts of 2021 (Two of the top 5 are in 2020). As we replay them for you, we comment and recap the moments together. As it turns out, so many of the issues parents bring to the podcast have similar themes that point out the fears and catastrophizing that keep all parents stuck in the heat of the moment with angry reactions and out of the moment of connection. So much can be learned from listening to multiple sessions with multiple parents.
Here are the podcasts we grabbed clips from:
Episode 63: In the Heat of the Moment—When Your Button Gets Pushed
Episode 59: “We can’t make him do anything.”
Episode 64: “She’s taking up all the space.”
Episode 61: What’s the Password for My Kid?
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Veronica is emerging from that dark place in parenting when you feel you have no control over an out-of-control child. Her 10 yr. old has gone from rage to bullying his parents and sister—just like her brother did with her. Veronica’s growing self-awareness is giving her a better view of where it’s all coming from. Now she must help her children find a sense of security that her parents couldn’t help her with.
The When Your Kids Push Your Buttons Audio Seminar - https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-parenting-seminar/
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Leeann and Mark have a very challenging, impulsive 4 yo. There is nothing wrong with this sweet, loving, smart little boy who is easily provoked when he perceives he has been done wrong—the signature of an Integrity child. Bringing his behavior in line without triggering shame and more anger is the job at hand. When a child thinks he is bad, he behaves badly. After Jax has given his teacher a fat lip with a punch, Leeann and Mark are desperate for his behavior to stop. Listen in and learn the many ways of looking into the problem without only looking at the problem.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Andrea fears that if her 10 yo boys stop believing in the magic of Santa, bad things are just around the corner. If she can keep them innocent, she can avoid the complexities and problems of their upcoming years. Tune in to see how allowing her son to become a keeper of the secret instead of remaining a believer becomes a lesson in trust—even as her son sees the whole Santa thing as a lie.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Miriam, mom of five and three-year-olds, is struggling with a husband who parents differently than she does. His loudness and demands provoke Miriam’s intervention in the moment. In turn, he feels undermined and gets angrier and more defensive. Sound familiar? Listen in to learn how Miriam can improve their communication so they can be better models for their children.
See episode #25 Jan. 7, ’21 — Community Pieces #1: When Conflict between Parents Needs the Big Conversation
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
What, when and how your children eat can become an intense focus that influences their eating for years to come. We want our children to eat good food when they are hungry and stop when they are full, and that takes a foundation of trust and letting go from the beginning. But when they seem to want only food that is bad for them, it’s hard to let go. In this episode Bonnie offers some tips to developing healthy eaters that requires an environment that does not focus on food.
See also Episode #48, June 24, '21 "My brain is telling me this isn't what I want."
and Episode #23, Dec. 22, '20 Eat Your Peas or No Dessert
In the name of good parenting, parents often end up guilt-tripping and shaming their children when they fear that normal egocentric behavior signals entitlement and inconsideration. The “You don’t know how good you’ve got it” and “After all I’ve done for you” litany holds the expectation that children should be able to compare their lives to the lives of those who have less and appreciate all they have and all you do. Could this be more about you than your children?
As you listen to Adam and I discuss the concept of gratitude and how to encourage it in children, think about your own childhood and what you perceived was expected of you. Did you meet up to those expectations?
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Morgan wants to know the reasons why her five-year-old chose not to wear his Halloween costume in the school parade. He’s been coming up with lots of different reasons, none of which make sense to her. So she doesn’t know what to do about it. Join us as Morgan learns that when she simply acknowledges how her son feels, he can stop making up reasons and she can feel more connected.
Episode #56 Aug.19, 2021- Tip #3 What does your child’s behavior really mean?
Also
Episode #62 Sept. 29, 2021 Puzzle Pieces #8 Getting to Compassion
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Jessica is struggling with her 16 yo school-resistant son. Because she has been working hard to connect with him, to truly get why he feels the way he does about school, she has given him an anchor to hold onto so that he can push himself to do what he hates most. That connection requires putting her worries and fears to the side—at least some of the time—while she listens and hears and understands.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
No matter what your race, do you know how to talk to your kids in a coherent, age-appropriate way about race and racism? Were you brought up ignorant about racism, thinking it was only about someone else? I talk with Emma Redden and Grace Aldrich about their work in helping people discover their own histories in order to help their children understand theirs.
Grace and Emma are community educators and work with groups of teachers, parents and caregivers. If you are interested in working with them contact them through their website {thefullstoryschool.org} or by email at thefullstoryschool@gmail.com.
Grace and Emma have a podcast Freedom Means. In each episode they role play talking through a conversation related to race or colonialism with a child.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Making agreements rather than setting rules is the best way to gain cooperation and buy-in from your child, especially with tweens and teens. But agreements can’t be you getting your child to agree to what you want. Jade and Richard have been in a battle with their eleven-year-old over phone use—so far there has been no cease-fire. We dig into the circumstances of the struggle and how to make an agreement they all can trust.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Leah and Nic have classic Integrity and Harmony children. Mallory, age 7, uses up most of her parents’ attention by arguing and fighting to get what she wants. While 5-year-old Easton remains quiet and complacent in the background behind all the noise. We not only get into strategies for Leah and Nic to manage situations with Mallory but also the dangers of seeing Easton as being perfect.
https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparenting
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Jenny is great at connecting with her two boys. She has put a lot of work into her parenting and is grateful to be raising them differently than she was raised. However, 10 yr. old Scott knows just how to push her button, and in the heat of the moment, her past takes charge. We dig out what her button is and why it gets pushed. New awareness and self-compassion can prevent Jenny from dumping any more baggage onto her son.
(see episode #59 from 9/9/21 to learn more about Integrity kids)
(to learn more about how your buttons work - see How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids in Psyche Magazine.
(Adam refers to episode #18 aired 11/17/20 - Building Bridges out of Trauma)
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons book, audio book, workbook and audio seminar all available here.
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Most of us don’t think about where our responsibilities lie when it comes to emotions—ours and our kids. Adam and Bonnie discuss what those responsibilities are and are not using a strawberry rhubarb pie metaphor (!) Sibling relationships come front and center with the goal of getting to compassion even after the worst fighting. And as always, when Adam is involved, laughter is too.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Breaking the code into those hard conversations with your kids can be tricky when shut down and lock out is the norm. Kids don’t want to hear what you want when it means they don’t get what they want. Kim must plan carefully how she talks to her 13 yr. old son about maintaining some control over his (actually her) phone. Planning the right time, the right words and the right tone can take time but make all the difference.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Janice’s mornings are fraught with battles with her strong-willed 3 year old. Janice has learned that the only way to get Emily out the door is to bribe her with M&Ms. Emily has learned that too. She knows just what to do to get rewarded. The expectation that a young child will cooperate with being rushed out the door sets up a dynamic of resistance and anger. This episode offers a shift in perspective so that Emily can eventually want to cooperate. And Janice can get out of the trap of doing what “works” right now and setting up the slippery slope.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Ankita and Amon have a 9 yo integrity kid. Stuck in a negative feedback loop for a long time, their son has lost trust in them and has gone into self-protective mode. They in turn anticipate his fights and refusal to do anything they want. Attitudes and disapproval have set the stage for resistance and a very stressed family.
Other podcasts about Integrity and Harmony kids:
Episode 12 – Oct. 6, ’20 The Orchid Child and the Dandelion Child Pt. 2
Episode 13 - Oct. 13, ’20 Stubborn Kid, Frustrated Parents
Episode 34 – March 18, 21 The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Most but Wrong Kind of Attention
Episode 40 – April 29, 21 Controlling the Fight
Episode 49 – July 1, ’21 “Parenting him is like a full-time job”
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Katie has 8 children living at home. Her first died at age 9 ½. Her fear regarding her teens when she can’t be with them is completely understandable but could interfere with their growing independence if she doesn’t learn to manage it instead of mask it.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Without realizing it, we often lose sight of what our children should be thinking and feeling and end up expecting more maturity than they are capable of. The ‘Of Course’ mantra keeps you in the right head to stay calmer and meet your child where she is.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Our culture doesn’t understand behavior. We take it at face value and treat it accordingly. In doing so we add insult to injury with already hurting children. Learn how to see your child’s behavior from the perspective she needs you to.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Praise is overrated and misunderstood. Praise’s intention is to help children feel good about themselves, but blanket praise often results in children feeling patronized or becoming dependent on it. Learn what to do instead to create connection and really help your child feel good.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
We interrupt our usual programming for something new. Each week in August we are offering you short succinct parenting tips to help in your day-to-day parenting. We'll be back with one on one sessions in September. Enjoy these in the meantime. Thanks for being here.
Tip #1 Empathy vs Sympathy
When trying to connect with your children, feeling sympathy is not usually as effective as having empathy. We often mix these up but it’s important to understand the distinction. It’s about your role in what your child is going through and how to be the support your child needs most.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Seven-year-old Lynn has always been more nervous and worried than her twin sister. Since summer camp began, she expresses her worries every night and every morning. And she has begun collecting bits of odd things that feel like her belongings. Her mother Ann and I work through how to talk about her worries and her collections. The gist is getting into Lynn’s reality with her in order to be helpful.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Concerned about how your kids will approach their sexual development? Want to remain their source of influence? This podcast provides great lessons on the benefit of openness and sharing with your kids instead of hiding your own experiences. Beth suddenly discovers her son is “a twelve yr. old in a man’s body” with concerns about what he does now. Building a relationship from the get-go creates an environment that allows him to come to her about important issues like, when do I have sex?
Book recommendation: Hold Onto Your Kids, by Gordon Neufeld
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Special Education consultant Lisa Stewart helps parents navigate the difficult waters of their children’s school careers when they don’t “fit the mold”. Ever had to communicate with your child’s school about lagging work, behavioral problems or decipher an I.E.P. or a 504 plan? Advocating for your child can feel like trying to tread water at best. It can be an intimidating, overwhelming job for which very few parents are qualified. Special ed. consultants can advocate for you advocating for your child.
Lisa M. Stewart
Stewart Special Ed. Consulting, LLC
www.stewartspecialedconsulting.com
603-209-4821
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Jean’s son has recently declared new pronouns, a new name, and a pan-sexual identity. They are there; the thinking and deciding has been done. But Jean and her husband are finding the change a bit daunting and are slower to climb on board with the correct terminology. Thirteen years of having a son with your chosen name is difficult to let go of and does not come without grieving a loss. We discuss how to accommodate each other with respect and mutual understanding so Jean no longer feels “cancelled in her own home”.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Among Willa’s “lots of kids”, her thirteen-year-old son, Dennis, is her biggest challenge. With an ADD personality and a brain going in all directions, this dysregulated teen looking for independence appears only to attract trouble. Being the “odd-one out” in his family, Dennis feels alone. The result is that Willa, a normally calm, caring mom, has ended this covid academic year exhausted and exacerbated. Structure proved to be what Dennis needed to succeed in school but now the summer is here and already chaos has reigned.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Patricia is worried about her 7 1/2 yo son who she sees almost as a split personality. On one hand he has many strengths—he is extremely bright, perceptive and mature. On the other he is strong-headed and refuses to do what he doesn’t want. In most areas, she sees his strength, but in the food department, she sees his strong will as a weakness. Her fears are telling him not to trust himself when it comes to food choices—a message that could cause damage on down the line. Whatever the area of control, the lesson is to stand back from engaging in a fight and listen to your child.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Your kids need you to be in charge. They also don’t like to be told what to do. How do you find the right balance between the two? When do you push and when do you pull back? There-in lies the challenge of parenting. But when you understand what you can appropriately expect, finding that balance gets easier.
These once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Seven year old Maeve has big emotional upheavals that clash with her father’s Aspergers presentation of calm and collected. Edward longs to be the involved parent his wife is but his non-emotional way of presenting comes across harsh and uncaring. And Lee’s desire for all to be heard and get along makes it hard for her to say no. Maeve is caught in the middle. Sometimes conscientious parents can work too hard.
Referred to episodes: (will you put links in here please)
5/27/21 #44 Be the Coach not the Referee
5/13/21 #42 Puzzle Pieces – Your Kids are Not Disrespecting You
Other sibling related episodes:
4/29/21 #40 Controlling the Fight
2/11/21 #29 Standing Outside Your Children’s Problems
12/1/20 #20 When Sibling Fights Trigger Parent Anger
8/4/20 #3 Drowning in Humans
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
14-year-old Andrew, an only child has been cocooning with his single mother over the past pandemic year and is showing signs of stress in anticipation of moving out into the world. We have no guidelines for how we do this—to mask or not to mask…. An already anxious kid who learned early on that his introversion was not okay with his father struggles with how it’s all going to happen. Fortunately, he has a strong connection and relationship with his mom.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Deanna and Ed want their young sons to grow up to be strong, independent and best friends. We all want our kids to be friends—but how do you make that happen? The answer is you can’t. But you can work with them to learn how to solve their own problems so they don’t fight over you and spend a lot of time defending themselves and chalking up points against the other.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books:
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Shyness is a character trait; it’s not a choice. Ashley’s 10 and 14 year olds are both extremely shy, as is Ashley. Ashley sees traits in them that she abhorred about herself and worked to change and their dad, outgoing and social, just thinks they’re rude.
“Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” by Susan Cain - https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153/ref=sr_1_1?crid=VGGFF9LX88NW&dchild=1&keywords=quiet+susan+cain&qid=1621200592&s=books&sprefix=Quiet%2Cstripbooks%2C202&sr=1-1
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books:
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
These once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.
It does no good to approach kids from the point of view that they are being disrespectful. What’s really going on is that your child is probably doing something he wants and is frustrated at being talked at or told to do something he doesn’t want. Bonnie walks you through what is actually happening that has nothing to do with disrespect. Kids are just doing what they want and don’t want to stop. It’s your job to motivate them to cooperate. Calling them disrespectful doesn’t help.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: https://bonnieharris.com
bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books:
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Shannon’s twelve year old son has never been okay with his younger sister. It’s as if her birth took something from him that he hasn’t been able to get back. Something broke in him. Trying to get him to be happier and see things differently may only be making things worse.
Send an email to bh@bonnieharris.com and let us know what you're doing when you listen to the podcast!
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: https://bonnieharris.com
bh@bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books:
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Renee and Gary have different perspectives on their sons’ sibling fights. But both agree the oldest, their Harmony Child, is getting the worst of it from the younger Integrity Child. Their task is in how to allow their boys to fight the good fight while supporting and guiding them to work out those fights.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books:
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Worried your picky eater isn’t getting the right nutrition? Do you have a sugar junkie? Do you see the effects of food in your child’s behavior? Learn how food and nutrition shows up in your child’s behavior from an expert in functional medicine.
Website: https://chriskresser.com – sign up for Chris’ newsletter
Podcast: Revolution Health Radio
Star Institute: https://sensoryhealth.org/basic/occupational-therapy-for-children
Tell Me About Your Kids 12/22/20 episode: Eat Your Peas or No Dessert – to learn how to end mealtime battles
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books:
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
From the consequences of consequences, to relationship and consideration, to inappropriate text messaging, to role playing, Victoria, mother of 7 and 10 year old girls, and I cover a broad range of issues she is managing with her tween.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books:
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Michael is a dad of seven and ten year old kids who push him to his limit. When pushed, he pushes back engaging in endless power struggles. The fight required becomes an ongoing loop of frustration and anger continually fueling the opponent. To step out of the power struggle, Michael knows, is to take responsibility for himself and his problems. Easier said than done.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids:
8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books:
The Buttons Audio Course
Counseling/Coaching
All books and audiobooks can be purchased here:
https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
When 12 yr. old Avery complains to her mother about friends who are mean and criticize the way she looks, Heather gets overwhelmed by the magnitude. When Avery is feeling down her reactions get misinterpreted by her mother. When Heather’s button gets pushed, she sees her daughter turning into a brat. But she has learned that she can step back, reframe and find the truth—her daughter is not being a brat, she’s having a hard time. With this understanding, connection can happen. Now Heather needs to learn that she cannot take away her daughter’s struggles, she can only support her in her journey—but that’s all Avery needs.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
These once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.
Steps to take after a button-pushing incident. Do this work when you’re calm.
-
Recognize that your buttons are yours. Own them.
-
Write down your reactions. Did you yell, threaten? What did you do?
-
Write your emotions. Did you feel hopeless, enraged, resentful, etc?
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What are the assumptions you made? Ask yourself, If I felt that way, what must I have been thinking?
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Identify your assumptions and know they are not the truth; they are your perceptions.
-
Reframe your assumptions by stating facts of the situation or a different perception that leads to more compassion.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com
All books, products, and services can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/
Books:
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
Audio Books:
When Your Kids Push Your Buttons
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With
The Buttons Audio Course (includes workbook)
Counseling/Coaching
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Ashley has 4 girls – the second to youngest is her Integrity Child who pushes her mother to the brink when she is trying so hard to understand why her daughter behaves so differently from the other three. Four girls plus Covid, and Ashley just wants things to change so her defiant one can be more manageable.
Related podcast, episode #14 — Puzzle Pieces #1: “Why Would You Do That?”
More about understanding the meaning of behavior and why addressing the behavior alone misses the mark.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Lauren is working out the fine-tuning of her parenting with her questions of what she has the right to want for herself vs her fear of not doing enough for her children. This episode grapples with the difficult daily decisions of, when do I sacrifice my needs for my child? and when do I put myself first with self-care? Where does my parental authority come in to play and where do I hand it over to my child? Strength comes for Lauren in knowing what she wants, what she has a right to—something important to model for her kids.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Covid-related fears and worries are depleting Anne and Kevin so that by bedtime they are fried. Their three girls scramble for their parents’ attention while the parents are left feeling impatient, frustrated and angry. When worries are covered up, integrity kids like Grace see right through it and grab for attention. Unfortunately, her attempts only provoke more impatience and yelling.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
A third grade teacher describes her experiences teaching both remotely and in person during these times of Covid. She shares her frustrations and delights, how she sees her children doing both online and in the classroom, and offers some advice for parents during these hectic times.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Gretchen wants her adolescent son to launch into his teen years with all the good work/study habits she thinks will get him far. Don’t we all. The problem is that’s her agenda. She has to trust her son to work out his own with more guidance and less advice.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Alan and Angela are exhausted by fear that their children are not getting their needs met during Covid isolation. Their boys fight more in close quarters. They must have friends and opportunities that are not possible to provide during these times. Alan and Angela feel like failures. What they need to know is that what their 3 children need most is parents who can see them through these tough times rather than parents exhausted from the mental anguish of trying to fix it all.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Karina is worn down by the willfulness of her 5 yr. old who not only resists her warnings but seems goaded by them. What she doesn’t want him to do is exactly what he does—and models for his 1 ½ yr. old sister. She reflexively throws out threats and punishments in her attempt to get him to listen. But ends up feeling horrible afterwards. “I’m going to do it anyway” has become his behavior of choice. We find a way to go with that to encourage behavior.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
These once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.
Bonnie and Adam hash over her 4 main steps to insuring connection with your kids right through the teen years—and the best chance of avoiding everything you fear coming with them. Simple but not easy as Adam, as always, hilariously points out. Trust is way more than a one-way street. Once you get the image of an IV into your children’s arms, you won’t forget it.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Rob and Claire’s eleven year old son is feeling the effects of both Covid and more screentime than usual. His emotions are easily triggered and distorted, angering his father and scaring his mother. Both Claire and Zach’s thinking lead to catastrophizing, while Rob wants to be listened to. This world, while quite “normal” these days, can send a tween or a teen into the bliss zone of cyberspace.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Christina is, rightly so, trying to get her 10 and 15 year olds to help out more at home. Her very busy life doesn’t have time to do it all. But she and her kids have been in a feedback loop of resentment, anger and guilt that triggers everyone into disconnect. Why should I? Why can’t you just…? You should know better…. are the questions spinning in Christina’s head that instantly and automatically create that disconnect.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Most parenting partners face conflict about how to handle the kids. Conflict quickly triggers anger, resentment and blame. Rarely does the necessary conversation happen after emotions are cooled. Anger and resentment get squashed—but not forgotten. In this first Community Pieces episode, Bonnie talks with mediator and conflict resolution coach, Adar Cohen, who leads big conversations in conflict zones and in family rooms. Bonnie and Adar discuss both the approach and the how-to of the big conversation so understanding results. Listening well is the quickest way to being heard.
Find out more about Adar here:
adarcohen.com
Twitter: @DrAdarCohen
How to Have a Difficult Conversation (a step by step guide)
https://psyche.co/guides/use-mediation-techniques-to-overcome-the-muck-of-blame-and-anger
TED talk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZu16ZaLgJM
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Thank you for listening to Tell Me About Your Kids in 2020! You've made this podcast a success in so many ways. Stay tuned for all the great episodes we have coming up in 2021.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
2020 ends with a lesson on relationship. Tracy’s children are not too young to begin this important process. Most parents naturally get hung up on what is important to teach and get stuck in the minutia of daily life and chaos with young kids. We forget that the main thing we want our children to learn is to be respectful and considerate. Tracy gets a reminder of this important aspect of parenting and how her issue with getting toys picked up blocks her needed focus on developing a mutually respectful relationship.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Emily has gotten into a habit of using candy and sweets to get her three kids to eat a bite of everything on their plate. Her intention is good, but she learns that the lesson she is teaching may not be the lesson she wants them to learn. The goal gets lost when the immediate desire is front and center.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Six-year-old Luke is having trouble staying focused with remote learning. He “despises” reading and multiple times a day bemoans that he’s stupid and his mom hates him, much to Ariel’s bewilderment. She of course worries about his self-confidence and tries to convince him that he’s wrong. But her worry about Luke keeps Ariel from seeing what she unintentionally projects onto Luke that contributes to his lack of self-confidence.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
These once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.
Adam and Bonnie discuss the art (and pit-falls) of problem solving—the most important skill you can learn as a parent and teach your children. We also talk about your parent authority, when to use it and when not. And boundaries—understanding whose job or problem is whose so your child doesn’t have to take responsibility for you.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Julie returns to the podcast (see Sibling Rivalry eps. 8 and 9) with a deeper layer exposed. We now look at why she gets so mad when her boys fight. She knows the fights are over nothing, she knows they can probably work it out, but she can’t stand the fighting, which triggers her rage and feeling out of control. Hang in till the end.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Lauren’s two boys, 7 and 11 are good examples of Integrity and Harmony kids. Jack’s easy-going, cooperative nature makes Lauren and her husband all the more determined to try to control the younger Bobby, whose attention-grabbing, highly frustrating behaviors are getting him in trouble at school. His parents are beginning to see him as the problem.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Anne and her 10 year old son live alone while she and her husband have a trial separation. In her desire to protect her son from what she experienced at 10, Anne controls the environment of their home to unconsciously insure the peace and calm she thinks necessary to prevent the hurt and danger she fears from any amount of disruption.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
We may all be sharing the same pandemic but how we each deal with it is infinitely different. It comes down to relationship—relationship with yourself, with your partner, with each child. Being thrown together in this pandemic pushes relationships to the ultimate test. Can I live with myself, can I live with you, without exhausting struggles? Do you feel trapped and forced or do you see this as an opportunity? Do you drain out day after day or actively refuel?
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Two kids, two temperaments, two developmental stages experience the death of their father. Leah is managing as best she can to accommodate her children’s experience of that death. But the younger child was only 2.5 – hard to know what the emotional effect of that death had on him. Sometimes an adult perspective can skew what is not understood about a very undeveloped brain and therefore behavioral cues can be misinterpreted.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Jane’s teenage son is pulling away, getting secretive, dropping grades, and numbing out in his room on his computer. This common scenario typically provokes fear in parents leading to clutching, micromanaging, blame, and coming down harder with restrictions, and sending messages that love and acceptance is given when behavior and grades improve—exactly the opposite of what is needed. This is unintentional of course—but Ned’s behavior signals the intention he feels.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Puzzle Pieces
These once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.
#1 “Why Would You Do That?” Understanding Behavior
Our culture doesn’t understand what behavior is, what it shows us, and what we need to do to have an effect on it. Listen in to learn how to have the most influence on your child’s unwanted behavior. Hint: It’s not punishment or consequences.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Amy and John have a 4.5 year old integrity child who has gotten into a rather rough physical fight with her best friend. Fiona also seems to be “refusing” to use the toilet. Where does keeping secrets fit in the picture of Fiona’s desires?
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
This is part 2 of Bonnie's conversation with Mackenzie.
Bonnie’s descriptions of “Integrity and Harmony” kids come from the 30 years of research done on the “Orchid and Dandelion” children which she discusses in Pt. 2. And we hear how Mackenzie puts her learning into practice to help her son trust his mom and feel heard.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Mackenzie’s parenting turned a major corner when she understood that her very demanding, exhausting son is what Bonnie calls an “Integrity Child”. This revolutionary understanding about the child who “won’t take no for an answer” can flip your mindset so compassion and understanding replaces anger, criticism, and frustrated attempts to get this child to change. And when battles stop, the integrity child can remove his armor.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Whether anxiety or worry, childhood can be torture for a sensitive child and trying to fix it can be a parent’s full-time job. In this pre-covid recorded segment, Bonnie encourages Sarah to validate her daughter’s anxious concerns rather than giving reassurance or protection. Before Nora can move out of her stuckness, she needs to feel normal rather than a problem. We talk about the difference between sympathy and empathy—each parent tends toward a different one—and how one can exacerbate the problem and the other help diffuse it.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Julie learns the No-Blame skill that will help her children learn from the natural consequences of their actions when that wall of defense is no longer needed. Much of the burden of parenting comes from the judgments, perceptions and expectations swirling around in your head telling you you’re not doing it right or your children will grow up to hate each other. In this episode Bonnie helps Julie see the mindset shift that releases much of that burden Julie is not even aware she is carrying.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Julie wants her boys’ fights to “just stop” and tells them so. That’s as far as she's gotten. In this episode Bonnie helps her see how she unintentionally perpetuates the fighting with blame and finds herself pulled into “The Triangle Game” pitting her kids against each other to win her favor. When she fears the worst, it comes out in blame. When Julie is able to stop projecting her own experience onto her older son and see both her boys from a new perspective, dynamics in the family will change.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
More with Morgan, mother of 2 1/2 and 5 year old boys, as we listen to the difficulty she has dealing with her son’s unacceptable, aggressive behavior when the eyes of others are watching and take priority over the needs of her son. We worked thru how to handle parenting in public with strength.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Understanding her 5 year old son’s natural impulsivity and developmental lack of self-control is critical for Morgan to remain calm and thus effective in the face of her son’s aggressive behavior—especially when she feels as much anger as her son while trying desperately to hide it.
Part Two coming next week!
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
In light of “The Decision” that is facing parents all over the world, Bonnie and Adam discuss the difficulty and the complexity of what families are dealing with approaching the weird new school year. Adam shares the convoluted layers that he and his family navigated in prioritizing their decision.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Today Bonnie talks to Katherine. A single mom trying to keep her parents and her teen daughter safe from Covid 19, yet missing the responsibility she is transferring onto her capable daughter whose anger is simmering just under the surface.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Today Bonnie talks with Jane, mother of three—7, 10 and 12—who is a self-described “regulator” in her family. Given the role Jane had to play starting at age 7 as the oldest of three with a not-present mother and drug addicted father, the role of regulator comes naturally to her. During Covid, that role is more exhausting than ever. Now she needs to start letting go so her children can learn to regulate themselves.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
*This is a two part episode.
The pandemic and time of racial protests for this mom, who has suffered her own anxiety and panic disorder, makes parenting her bi-racial daughter with anxiety especially difficult. She naturally wants to protect her daughter from the pain she herself has experienced, yet learns that that protection may be keeping her daughter from getting stronger.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
*This is a two part episode.
The pandemic and time of racial protests for this mom, who has suffered her own anxiety and panic disorder, makes parenting her bi-racial daughter with anxiety especially difficult. She naturally wants to protect her daughter from the pain she herself has experienced, yet learns that that protection may be keeping her daughter from getting stronger.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
What is Connective Parenting?
If you were brought up afraid of getting in trouble, Connective Parenting is a 180º mindset shift. A connected family is based on mutually respectful relationships. Corrective measures are gained through problem solving. Unconditional acceptance sets the foundation for self-confidence. This philosophy is put into practical application when producer, Adam Arnone, father of two, and I apply it to an ordinary difficult situation with his daughter.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch
www.echofinch.com
Life changed just as we were about to launch Tell Me About Your Kids, so we started again. This intro tells you about my background and how I came to all of this parenting business. And what I learned from my, shall we say strong willed, daughter who brought me to my knees and taught me how to be a better parent. Producer Adam Arnone shares his experience with parenting during the pandemic.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
Welcome to Tell Me About Your Kids. Learn about Bonnie Harris and how it all began.
Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com
Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/)
Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)
Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/