Wake Up with Chad Allen and Hannah: Recent Episodes
Wake Up with Chad Allen and Hannah
Welcome to the best morning you’ve ever had. Just add coffee, Frosted Flakes and an antidepressant while listening to this crap chute and you’re off to the races. Wake Up with Chad Allen and Hannah will make your sides hurt from laughing, or maybe indigestion. Either way, what a way to start your day, right? New material every Monday and Thursday or whenever the hell we feel like adding new content. You’re not the boss here. You can’t tell me what to do.
Chad and Hannah really dive into Tex-Mex. Like too much. It's not very good. Don't listen.
The woes of being a home buyer rn and zags are going to lose it I don't care what Chad says
Hannah's really handling the Chiefs loss well, Chad weighs in on being a dumb Broncos fan
Super Bowl food and the rest of the topics that you'll have to discover for yourself because I sustained a head injury in high school and now I can't remember what I talked about ten minutes ago.
Hannah's sister had some weird shit happen at the bank she works at, we can't get up at the right time and college football can kiss my ass.
Hannah won a major award, Chad is pissed he didn't win. Someone submit him for rapper of the year at the Oscars.
Happy one year anniversary to this podcast. We celebrated by giving you a podcast episode. Eat Cake.
THEY'RE BACK AND FUCKING WEIRDER THAN EVER. Hannah's going to Vegas, Chad's still hairy so whatever you're into, they've got you covered.
Recorded on Monday, uploaded on a Thursday, your guess is as good as mine as to what this is about
That's not actually what this podcast is about. Hannah turned 28 today and now is old so make sure you point out wrinkles and cellulite when you see it on her.
I honestly cannot remember what this was about, but the title got your attention, didn't it?
They still aren't selling Royals single ticket games and it's PISSING ME ALL THE WAY OFF and Chad watched Coming 2 America.
Philosophical questions. Call us Aristotle. Or Daddy. I bet you'd like that wouldn't you.
Like we're not financial advisors or anything, but if you had to choose whether to spend your money like a rapper or a financial analyst, you better believe we're blowing through it like every star on the 30 for 30 episode Broke. Unbelievable. Like what are you even saving for?
Hey big boy. I know you like raps so here's one I wrote: Burgers, planes, mushroom, fries Why did I sleep with all these mothereffing guys.
Good night.
In case you were wondering, Chad and Hannah got in a full blown argument over if the Bee Gees or ABBA was a bigger band. (it's ABBA btw, don't let him tell you otherwise).
This podcast has it all: Battle of the Listeners The Wanking Mandrill Murder Titty Tats
Hannah wants to work as a phone sex operator and eat green bean casserole. Just a normal day.
Chad hurts and groans and sits and stands. It's a cardio workout on tape but for fatasses.
Register to vote. Or Hannah's family gets to plan your funeral, which they are not good at doing.
Hannah got walloped in fantasy football and Chad, once again, tells everyone how much he loves Shake Shack
Okay, that's just gross. I'm sure there's some psychological reason people have the daddy complex, but that's not what I'm here to figure out, okay?
Completely unrelated, my hands are really sticky from eating a cinnamon bagel so the keyboard is getting sticky and I know it'll piss Chad off later.
oH My GoD they back y'all. This or that. An Albuquerque(?) vacation. It's all you could have asked for.
These bozos play Family Feud. They then talk about Hannah's dad's crotch, which has to be traumatizing for everyone right? Why would they do that??
When your two cravings can be summated as chicken friend steak and rap, we've got you covered
Hi. Just so you know, there'll probably be a second one uploaded today, unless I feel too awful about myself for not uploading this one.
Oops. I forgot to upload this Monday. Chad'll probably hate me too much to do this again, so I hope my replacement can write as good of captions.
More getting to know you questions. You know. Because spending twelve hours a day with each other for five years hasn't done the trick.
Chad got to name the podcast, Hannah got somebody fired. This is a podcast about just that.
Hannah's birth control is just watching Chad and thinking "yeah, I don't want to risk putting something like THAT into the world".
Sorry, we're late. But really if you had to choose between us and your girlfriend being late, you'd choose us right?
Chad is old and has to send the doctor some poop in a cup, so we're giving you a play by play of what's going to happen.
We're back like your mom is on hers. HEYYO. Talking quarantine nonsense, and Chad's mom lost her phone. Good luck.
We are not experts on COVID-19 because Hannah wasn't even able to pass 8th grade bio, but we can still have irrelevant opinions just like everyone else right?
If you don't believe that Chad is a total Chad, just listen to the end. He's unbelievably dickish.
If you're taking life tips from Chad, say goodbye to your marriage and job and hello to smelling a little like tar and the way your pee smells after eating brussel sprouts.
Chad brings other people's original thoughts and tried to pass them as his own. Honestly, I'm not sure that dumb bunny has ever had an original thought. 3/5 stars
Hannah had a GREAT game lined up, Chad hated it so nobody gets to have fun and instead they talked about the Superb Owl or some crap. I don't really know, I didn't listen all that close.
Hannah cannot do awkward or uncomfortable like AT ALL. Which is weird because when you're as her you'd think she'd be used to it. Whatever. Go CheeVes
NO CHILDREN WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS PODCAST. Hannah doesn't even have any kids (that she knows of. And that seems like the kind of thing that she would.)
It's game day, so Chad found some game that he thought would be fun until he realized that they were both bad at it. So if you like bad stuff, and not like "bad meaning good", but like legitimately terrible, this is for you. Also you should get some help.
NOPE THEY DIDN'T DIE LIKE YOU ASSHOLES WERE HOPING! They're back. With new resolutions. That they won't stick to. These aren't sentences. Except for that last one. Happy 2020!
Hannah's getting the ef out of here and going to Disney World. Chad wants no part of Disney World, which is fine because that dumb ass isn't going.
Hannah's aunt is having surgery, so Chad and Hannah discuss the dumbest minor inconveniences that you could experience in a day
Random Question Generator day, Hannah and Chad answer some questions seriously and talk about some slutty stuff too.
Chad demonstrates his ability to give the best of ball tickles, Hannah talks about who could kick Chad's ass.
Chad and Hannah played Delete One, which wasn't as hard as you might think because Hannah really hates Delaware and Chad really hates Randolph.
Hannah's parent's went on a date. There's not enough therapy to pay for that. Chad is reminiscing on his favorite shows from when he was a kid, and Hannah had to listen to all of it. It was terrible.
You can't spell SCAM without CMAs. Wow I am really REALLY creative and should get a raise. Eh screw the rest of this description, I'm really proud of that.
Okay, we do have between us like 10 REALLY great stories. This is one of those stories. Like one for the record books, if Hannah writes an autobiography, this will be Chapter One.
Chad and Hannah play Truth or Drink. With no drinks. And a lot of BS. So really I'm not sure that they really played this correctly
Who's Alex? Eh. Screw it. Hannah got yelled at on Facebook for an awful parking job, which isn't even the worst job she gave all weekend. HEYYO. Chad also bought a TV from Amazon, not because he was drunk, he just did old people shit.
Strap in, boys and girls, because this is the wildest ride in the west. Hannah's concerned about her husband's lack of culinary skills, Chad tells Hannah she's dumb for feeling bad, and I can pretty well tell you how that one went. Like a fart at a funeral. Stay tuned for Chad's super awesome ghost story. Trust me... (you'll totally regret it)you won't regret it!
I know what you're thinking: these bozos did a whole podcast on M&M's?! Nope. Just more sex jokes. And awkward banter. And then more sex jokes.
Hannah made eye contact with a stranger with her boob out. Again. Chad has a lot of questions about living in a white trash world, and Hannah has all the answers. Or at least about that. And which line at McDonald's is the shortest.
Chad and Hannah revisit the random question generator. And the restroom. And the freezer section of the grocery store. And Amazon's sex shop. Really this just sounds like a whole bunch of really weird errands, doesn't it?
It's National Pie Day... or maybe it's tomorrow, we're not really sure tbh. What we do know is that Perkins brought us pie, and that we ate it. Hannah also has a cold or allergies or is on drugs and has a runny nose, so there's a lot of sniffling. Oh, maybe she was sad? But why? There's pie... anyways. Pie. Stories. Nonsense. Nose blowing. All here.
We're constantly worried that Chad is going to get fired. Between mild alcoholism and being a world class sexual harrasser, there's a solid chance Chad may have to interview for another job someday. This is the practice round (spoiler alert: HE IS SCREWED IF HE HAS TO ACTUALLY INTERVIEW).
Chad and Hannah talk art installation in downtown, the fake bricks that will melt in the rain and gout. You know. Just the important stuff.
Well Chad deleted our podcast from yesterday morning, so we came back and redid it. Then I forgot to upload it. So we're losers. Win together (never), lose together (always) teammates.
Chad talks about Jerry Lewis for an indiscernible reason, Hannah's grandma is moving into the home, and in case you were wondering, your china is worthless.
Chad and Hannah talk about the annoying things they do, so not really different than any other conversation they've ever had. They also talk college drinking, binge drinking, whiskey drinking... are you starting to see a pattern... or a problem?
Chad found a random question generator, and it went even further downhill from there if you can believe that.
Hannah saw some weird stuff at a restaurant that made her think "hey, I don't think the whole kid thing may be for me". Then Chad told her about the time his kid got literal $%@# all over the house, and that was pretty much verbal birth control.
Hannah went to visit her husband who doesn't have air conditioning or common sense, and Chad went to the fair, which also doesn't have air conditioning or common sense.
Oh boy, if Pong and deep fryers are your thing, do we have a show for you. We talk National Video Game Day and all the garbage Chad wants to shovel down his gullet at the state fair. Really captivating stuff.
Chad asks Hannah getting to know you questions, which is weird since they've known each other for four years now. Plus, what are you scared of? Spoiler alert: it's demons. That's what they're afraid of.
The actual time Hannah almost went home with a dirty construction worker after he hit on her at Dillons.
I'll be honest, we didn't mean to upload this. But it's really awful, and I want you to hear it.
Hannah's still trying to figure out how to use womanly charms to her advantage (it's not going well). We talk Labor Day, and restaurant pressure.
Chad and Hannah obviously have NO IDEA what they're talking about when it comes to parenting. 1) Hannah ISN'T a parent, 2) They both turned out the way they did. I guess what we're saying is we're not Dr. Spock, but the next best thing.
CMA nominations are out, so we talked about that until we got bored, then we talked about things that matter: plastic surgery and ugly women.
Chad's kid is going to college for the first time, Hannah's sister is going to college for the last time, so we're all just emotional enough to podcast some gold. Or silver. Honestly, if it's aluminum can quality, that's fine too.