In today’s impromptu episode, I’m dropping in with a personal update to explain why Living Inside Out and The Authentic Edge are temporarily on pause.

After realising I was piling on too much and losing the joy in the journey, I decided to scale back and focus fully on the most important assignment of this season: writing my book. I’m thrilled to share that I’m now more than halfway through, and I can’t wait for you to read it when it’s ready!

In the meantime, there are over 100 episodes of Living Inside Out and 50 episodes of The Authentic Edge for you to catch up on or revisit.

I’ll be back in August, refreshed and with even more to share.

Until then, if we’re not already connected, you’ll still find me sharing insights over on LinkedIn- come say hello!

Thank you for being part of this journey. And remember, live from the inside out.

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Welcome to the Living Inside Out podcast, hosted by Toks Aruture, a visionary entrepreneur and mindset coach. In this episode, Toks invites the youngest guest ever on the show, Aaron Omo-Adesanya, to share his compelling journey into the music industry. Aaron, alongside Toks, navigates through personal experiences of having a twin, his early ambition to build a career in music, and the invaluable life lessons he garnered along the way.

Aaron speaks candidly about his childhood, his inspirations, and the pivotal moments that shaped his career path and personality. Deeply entwined with themes of identity and self-discovery, the conversation explores his transition from aspiring rapper to a successful studio owner, highlighting the importance of resilience, networking, and embracing one's unique journey.

The episode also digs deep into the societal challenges young people face today, emphasizing the significance of understanding oneself amidst the noise of external expectations and comparisons. Aaron's insights offer both inspiration and practical advice for those seeking to carve their paths in a continuously evolving world.

Dive in to discover how staying true to oneself and not giving up can lead to remarkable achievements and a fulfilling career. Tune in for an inspiring tale of growth, determination, and the power of inner belief.

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This week’s episode is both very personal and powerfully relevant.

Toks shares the story behind The Baby Cot Shop’s upcoming concession in Harrods- an extraordinary milestone wrapped in excitement… and fear. As she reflects on a journal entry written over eight years ago, just before opening the King’s Road store, we’re reminded that fear often shows up right before elevation.

But not all fear is the same.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to identify whether your fear is a warning or a doorway to something greater—and what to do when your thoughts are trying to hold you back.

⸻

What You’ll Hear:
• The difference between Pachad (paralysing fear) and Yirah (awe-inspiring fear)
• The real reason fear shows up at the edge of breakthrough
• Two conversations that nearly stopped Toks from opening The Baby Cot Shop
• How to identify where your thoughts and decisions are really coming from
• The power of curating your environment before a season of growth
• Why vision must be led by spirit, not flesh

⸻

If you’re standing at the edge of a bigger life, this is your reminder that fear doesn’t get to lead. Tune in, take notes, and press forward anyway.

⸻

Let’s Stay Connected

Start your mornings with purpose and clarity—make The Authentic Edge your 5 a.m. habit every weekday. In just 3–5 minutes, you’ll get powerful insights to set the tone for a winning day.

Don’t stop there; connect with me on Instagram, LinkedIn, or www.toksaruoture.com for deeper conversations, exclusive behind-the-scenes stories, and free resources.

By signing up for my newsletter, you’ll receive inspiration, updates on private classes, and tools to keep you growing authentically. Let’s live a life that starts daily with intention, focus, and success.

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Join us in an inspiring conversation with Joy Aboderin, the Style Director and Founder of Potential You Limited, as she shares her remarkable journey from a successful accounting career to founding a renowned style and image consultancy for professional women. With a rich background in fashion and an unwavering passion for empowering women, Joy reveals the secrets behind her successful career transition and the development of her unique styling approach. We also discussed her vibrant childhood experiences in Nigeria and the UK, her entrepreneurial challenges, and her dedication to helping women discover their confidence through style. This episode offers valuable insights into personal branding, resilience in business, and staying authentic in a world of trends. Whether you're seeking a wardrobe transformation or simply looking to be inspired, Joy's story promises to motivate and uplift.

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Welcome to March 2025! As we step into a new month, it’s the perfect time to reflect on the past season and prepare for what’s ahead. In today’s episode, Toks Aruoture dives deep into the concept of life’s seasons—how challenges are inevitable, but they are never permanent. Just like the changing weather, trials have a beginning, middle, and end.

We explore:

• The Certainty of Seasons: Just as winter turns into spring, difficult times will eventually pass.

• The Power of Perspective: How we interpret obstacles determines whether they stop us or propel us forward.

• Making Peace with Challenges: Rather than seeing problems as roadblocks, recognize them as part of the journey.

• The Messy Middle: Why the middle of the journey often feels the hardest—and how to push through.

• Gratitude as a Life Hack: How shifting your focus to what’s already present in your life can open doors to new opportunities.

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or uncertain about your path, this episode will help you see that everything you need is already within you or along your journey. It’s time to stop waiting for circumstances to change and start embracing the road ahead.

Key Takeaways:

✅ Seasons change, and so will your challenges—nothing lasts forever.

✅ Trials don’t signify the end; they are simply part of the process.

✅ Your circumstances don’t define you—how you interpret them does.

✅ True progress comes from focusing on your destination, not just your obstacles.

✅ Practicing gratitude shifts your mindset and opens your eyes to hidden opportunities.

Quotes from the Episode:

✨ “It can’t rain forever.”

✨ “Challenges are not signs that you’ve reached the end—they are part of the process.”

✨ “Gratitude is the practice of seeing everything in your space as a useful component of the journey ahead.”

Next Steps & Connect With Me:

📌 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who needs encouragement today!

📌 Subscribe and leave a review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.

📌 Follow me on social media: @ToksAruoture

🎙 Also, check out my other podcast, The Authentic Edge – your 3-minute daily dose of motivation, released every weekday at 5 AM.

👉 Stay tuned for next week’s episode, where we’ll talk about Vision: Seeing Beyond Your Present Reality.

Podcast #LivingInsideOut #Mindset #Faith #PersonalGrowth #SuccessJourney

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In this special episode of Living Inside Out, I sit down with my dear friend of over 20 years, Titi Omo-Adesanya. From navigating childhood in Nigeria to forging a path in the tech space, we explore the key moments that have shaped her journey.

What We Discuss in This Episode:

• How Titi played a pivotal role in the launch of Living Inside Out (and why I nearly didn’t start it!)

• Growing up between Nigeria and the UK – the impact of culture, adaptability, and resilience

• How Titi transitioned from studying business to becoming a product owner in tech

• The difference between a business and a hobby—and why many people get stuck

• Our shared obsession with productivity tools and why we can’t leave home without our laptops

• The role of faith, mindset, and personal growth in navigating life’s twists and turns

Titi is a tech professional, entrepreneur, and founder of 7 Little Steps, where she helps businesses develop digital products, build stunning websites, and implement smart tech solutions. She is also a mother of twin boys, a creative thinker, and a lifelong problem solver.

This episode is packed with insights, nostalgia, and plenty of laughs. If you’ve ever needed a push to start something you’ve been delaying, this one is for you!

Connect with Us:

📌 Connect with Titi Omoadesonya: 7 Little Steps Instagram

📌 Follow me on Instagram | LinkedIn

📌 Visit www.toksaruoture.com for coaching, podcast updates, and more

🎧 Listen, rate, and review on your favourite podcast platform. Let’s keep living inside out!

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Sometimes, the opportunities we’ve been praying for show up dressed as threats, and we turn them down. A single thought, if left unchecked, can spiral into overthinking, fear, and inaction. In this Q&A episode, I';ll be answering some of the most common questions I have received in over 20 years as an entrepreneur.

If you’ve ever found yourself paralysed by indecision, waiting for clarity before taking action, or struggling with self-doubt, this conversation is for you. I’ll walk you through the mindset shifts that will help you step boldly into your next season, whether in business, faith, or personal growth.

In this episode, I answer the following questions:

How do I know if entrepreneurship is for me?

How do I stop feeling stuck when I don’t know the next step?

What are the biggest mistakes new entrepreneurs make?

What’s one shift I can make today?

🎧 Listen now and start making the mindset shifts that will unlock your next level.

💡 Mark Your Diary: Two Important Dates!

📌 February 22nd – I’m hosting a free live coaching session on Zoom where we’ll explore mental blocks, decision-making, and how to get unstuck. This is also your chance to ask any questions about my upcoming membership program.

📌 March 1st – The official launch of The Mindshift Circle, my new mentorship membership where we do this work together—month after month, shifting limiting beliefs, growing in confidence, and building businesses and lives that align with our God-given purpose.

If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself and want real transformation, this is your invitation.

DM me for details or send me a message to join the free session on the 22nd! 🚀

💬 Let’s Stay Connected!

If this episode spoke to you, I’d love to hear from you! Send me a message, share your thoughts, or tag me on Instagram or LinkedIn. And if you haven’t already, subscribe to the podcast and leave a review—it helps get these conversations to more people who need them.

As always, live from the inside out. 💛

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Entrepreneurship is a journey of growth, and some of the biggest lessons come through experience—sometimes painful, sometimes costly, but always valuable. In this episode, I’m sharing three key mistakes I made in business and how learning from them transformed the way I work, lead, and grow.

If you’ve ever taken things too personally, struggled with showing up as the face of your business, or found hiring and leadership to be a challenge, you’re not alone. These lessons aren’t just about avoiding pitfalls, they’re about stepping into a more confident, effective, and purpose-driven version of yourself as an entrepreneur.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

🔹 Why taking things personally in business can hold you back- and how to shift your perspective.

🔹 The power of authenticity- why hiding behind your business name could be limiting your growth.

🔹 Staffing struggles and leadership lessons- from hiring mistakes to the cost of avoiding tough conversations.

🔹 The danger of leading with emotion instead of clarity- and how to make decisions that serve your business.

Key Moments:

•[02:15] The mistake of taking things personally—how I let supplier rejections and customer frustrations affect me.

•[08:40] Hiding behind the brand—why I avoided showing up as the face of my business and how authenticity changed everything.

•[13:55] Leadership and staffing—how transitioning from a solopreneur to managing a team revealed my blind spots.

•[18:30] The cost of delaying tough decisions—why not firing fast enough cost me financially and emotionally.

•[23:10] Final takeaways—how to avoid these mistakes and lead with confidence.

The Takeaway:

Mistakes are part of the process, but they don’t have to define your journey. The key is to learn, adapt, and move forward with wisdom.If you’ve found yourself in any of these situations, know that growth is always possible when you make intentional shifts.

Join The Mindshift Circle! 🚀

If you’ve ever felt like something is holding you back—whether it’s self-doubt, fear, or simply not knowing the next step—then The Mindshift Circle is for you.

It’s a mentorship membership designed to help you break through mental barriers and step fully into the business and life you’re meant to build. Every month, we’ll have:

✔ One hour of deep teaching on mindset, entrepreneurship, or faith.

✔ One hour of live coaching to answer your questions and help you navigate challenges.

✔ Ongoing touchpoints in between sessions to keep you moving forward.

This isn’t just about business, it’s about shifting your mind, unlocking your potential, and finally seeing the results you’ve been working toward. If this sounds like what you need, send me a message, and I’ll share more details.

Let’s Stay Connected:

If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Connect with me on Instagram, LinkedIn, or drop me an email. And don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode.

Remember: Entrepreneurship isn’t about getting it perfect—it’s about growing, adjusting, and staying true to your purpose. Keep going, and keep living from the inside out. 💛

🎧 Thanks for listening!

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Welcome to another episode of Living Inside Out! This week, I’m diving deep into the concept of Greek and block logic—two contrasting ways of seeing and interpreting the world—and why embracing block logic can transform how you live, make decisions, and stay inspired.

I’ll also share five places not to draw inspiration from, and why relying on external sources like comparison, fear, or even your past can leave you stuck, frustrated, or chasing illusions. Instead, I’ll encourage you to shift your focus to an unseen but superior realm—your spiritual reality—where joy, peace, and vision remain steadfast, no matter what’s happening around you.

Toward the end of last year, I resolved to draw my inspiration from a deeper place: my spirit, God’s promises to me, and the vision of the future I’m stepping into. In this episode, I’ll walk you through how to make that shift and share practical insights to help you make decisions that align with your purpose, rather than external pressures.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

1.The difference between Greek logic (linear cause and effect) and block logic (seemingly random events working together for good).

2.Why block logic can give you peace and confidence, even when life feels chaotic.

3.The five places to avoid drawing inspiration from:

•Comparison

•Fear

•Lack

•Pain

•The past

4.How to keep your focus on your spiritual reality and the vision God has placed in your heart.

Key Moments:

•[03:10] Greek vs. block logic: A practical example and how they impact your mindset.

•[08:25] My lunch with Ronke and a conversation about fear: How fear replaces faith and stops progress.

•[12:40] The trap of comparison: Why it’s unproductive to measure your present against someone else’s highlight reel.

•[18:05] The pressure of lack: How to stay inspired when time, energy, or resources feel limited.

•[22:30] Living in the past: Why recreating expired moments won’t take you forward.

Encouragement for This Week:

Your joy, inspiration, and vision should come from within—from your spirit, the promises of God, and the future you’re stepping into. Circumstances might shift, but when you live from the inside out, your peace and purpose remain unshaken.

Let’s Stay Connected:

If this episode encouraged you or sparked a new perspective, I’d love to hear about it! Email me, send a message on Instagram or LinkedIn, or leave a comment on Spotify. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast and share it with a friend who could use this encouragement.

Remember: You don’t need to look outward for what’s already within you. Keep living from the inside out! 💛

Thank you for listening!

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Welcome back to Living Inside Out! In today’s episode, I’m peeling back the layers on something we all wrestle with at some point—our past. Whether it’s regrets, failures, or moments we just can’t seem to let go of, it’s easy to let those stories define us. But here’s the truth: your past is not a prison.

We’ll explore three ways your past might be holding you back and, more importantly, how to break free and see those experiences for what they truly are- preparation for your growth and future. I’ll share a personal story about an old supplier who reminded me of the mindset I had when I started my business and how that mindset shifted over time.

If you’ve ever felt like your history has chained you to a cycle of fear or doubt, this episode will help you see things differently. We’ll talk about how to stop stringing past events together like a necklace of pain, the difference between Greek logic and block logic, and how to shift from defining yourself by your experiences to finding freedom in them.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

1.How to stop letting past events tether you to old narratives.

2.The difference between seeing life through Greek logic (cause and effect) and block logic (seemingly random events coming together for good).

3.Why your identity is not your entirety and how to uncover the meaning that empowers you.

Key Moments:

•[02:14] A Facebook memory and a mindset shift: What an old supplier taught me about how I saw myself.

•[06:32] Stringing events together: Why reliving your story can hold you back—and how to rewrite it.

•[12:45] Greek logic vs. block logic: A lesson from the story of Esther.

•[18:20] Redefining your identity: The difference between external labels and your internal truth.

Mentioned in This Episode:

•My Get Unstuck and Blueprint workshops (perfect for anyone ready to move forward with clarity).

•The story of Queen Esther and how it teaches us to see the bigger picture.

Let’s Stay Connected:

Did this episode spark something in you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Drop me an email, connect on Instagram or LinkedIn, or leave a comment on Spotify. And if you’re enjoying the show, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with a friend who needs to hear this!

Remember: You are not your past. You’re stronger, wiser, and so much more equipped for what’s ahead than you realise. Keep living from the inside out! 💛

Thank you for listening!

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Welcome to Episode 113! 🎉

This week, I sit down with the incredible Tomi Rotimi, a trailblazer in the fashion industry, a devoted mother, and a fellow entrepreneur. In this heartfelt and inspiring conversation, we delve into the life lessons she’s learned, the highs and lows of building a brand, and the balance she’s found between family and business.

Tomi candidly shares the moments that shaped her journey and how she overcame obstacles to create Xclamations!, a thriving business while staying true to her values. Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a dreamer, or navigating motherhood, this episode is packed with wisdom and actionable takeaways.

And there’s more exciting news! Unlike my usual solo episodes, this conversation is also available for you to watch on YouTube. 🎥 Don’t miss the chance to see Tomi’s radiant energy and connect with the story visually.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

•How Tomi started her business with a vision and a lot of courage.

•The importance of staying authentic in a competitive industry.

•Balancing motherhood and entrepreneurship without losing sight of your personal goals.

•Why resilience and consistency are essential for long-term success.

Links and Resources:

📺 Watch this episode on YouTube

📩 Connect with Tomi Rotimi on Instagram

🛍️ Shop Xclamations! UK

🎙️ Watch Previous Episodes

✨ Subscribe to my newsletter for exclusive insights and updates

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Share your favourite takeaway from the episode on Instagram or LinkedIn and tag me @ToksAruoture.

Let’s keep the conversation going—because your story matters. 💕

Next Week: I’ll be diving into the topic of overcoming fear to live boldly and authentically. Don’t miss it!

Remember to subscribe, review, and share this podcast with someone who needs it. Thank you for being part of this journey. 💃🏾

Warmest,

Toks

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Hey friends, welcome to Episode 112!

This week, I’m sharing something deeply personal- how I used scripture to navigate a challenging season and how it helped me grow. But first, let’s talk about last weekend’s Zoom session. It was such a joy to connect with so many of you! Over 60 people signed up, and the feedback has been incredible. Here are just a couple of comments that truly moved me:

“I heard Toks speak for the first time at the Hangout anniversary dinner, and her story challenged me and made me believe I can start working on my vision which seemed so big. Today also helped me see areas that were holding me back, e.g., assumption versus facts.”

“I joined feeling overwhelmed, I left feeling completely enlightened!”

Thank you to everyone who joined and shared your thoughts. If you haven’t filled out the feedback form yet, please do—it’s so important as we’re considering starting regular sessions. If you’d like to know more or get the replay, just email pa@toksaruoture.com.

How has your year started? And if it hasn’t, that’s okay. You’re not behind. There’s no race, no timeline you need to measure up to. Start whenever you’re ready.

We’re often overwhelmed by the “new year, new me” hype—goal setting, vision boards, resolutions—and while these can be inspiring, they can also distract us. One thing I’ve learned is that the trouble starts when we accept solutions to problems we don’t even have.

Take a moment to pause and reflect. What does moving forward look like for you? Trust your intuition to guide you in creating a plan that aligns with your purpose.

This past year, my faith was my anchor. It’s easy to focus on challenges or the things that aren’t changing, but I leaned into scripture to guide me. Here are a few verses that kept me going:

John 14:1: “Do not let your hearts be troubled.” This verse reminded me to trust God instead of dwelling on my troubles.

1 John 4:18: “Perfect love drives out fear.” Fear can cloud your mind and decisions, but love—God’s love—gives clarity and peace.

2 Corinthians 1:3: “God is the source of all comfort.” I was reminded to turn to Him first when things felt overwhelming.

These scriptures helped me shift my focus from the visible challenges to the spiritual truths that never change.

Many of you have asked for regular sessions like the one we had last weekend. Your feedback means so much, and I’m excited to explore this idea of a membership where we can connect more consistently. What do you think?

If you’d like to share your thoughts or learn more, reach out to me via email or on social media. And if you missed the Zoom session, let me know, and I’ll send you the replay.

Next Week: I’ll be joined by my dear friend Tomi Rotimi for a special episode. It’ll be on YouTube, so you can watch us chat!

Thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this journey with me. Don’t forget to subscribe, review, and share this podcast with someone who needs a word of encouragement.

Sending you love for 2025,

Toks

Links Mentioned:

Request the Zoom session replay: pa@toksaruoture.com

Connect with me on Instagram, LinkedIn, or Facebook: @toksaruoture

Don’t miss next week’s episode on YouTube!

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As the year winds down, like you, no doubt, I am undoubtedly reflecting on 2024; the lessons I’ve learned and the thought patterns I’m intentionally leaving behind as I step into 2025. This episode is about the transformations that have shaped me this year and how I plan to embrace boldness, connection, and consistency in the new year.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

1.Hesitant to Courageous:

•Overcoming self-consciousness and embracing bold action.

•How launching into public speaking helped me confront hesitation.

•“Self-restraint is more interested in your appearance than your progress.”

2.Guarded to Connected:

•The beauty of opening up to new friendships despite past betrayals.

•Stories of the wonderful people God brought into my life.

•“Removing fences caused by betrayal allowed blessings in the form of authentic relationships.”

3.Sporadic to Consistent:

•The power of doing what’s necessary, regardless of feelings or circumstances.

•Why consistency isn’t about waiting for evidence but trusting the process.

•“Consistency means keeping every appointment with yourself, even when it’s hard.”

‘Self-restraint is more interested in your appearance than your progress.’

This year has been quite a ride! I am grateful to you, my listeners and support for tirelessly listening and feeding back your thoughts. I hope you can take at least one thing away, that God’s faithfulness is unquestionable. He is resolute, does not waiver and is a solid rock.

Consider the thought patterns you want to replace as you reflect on your year. Remember that You have everything you need to be all God created you to be, and the evidence is in your desires. Step boldly into 2025 with courage, authenticity, and consistency. You’ve got this!

Links and Resources:

• Visit our website: toksaruoture.com

•Simon Sinek’s clip on having friends to share good news with

•HangOut Cafe with Pastor Funke Adeaga: Watch on YouTube

• Follow me on social media for more inspiration and updates: Instagram, LinkedIn YouTube

• Ready to take bold steps toward your purpose? I offer 1:1 coaching and group coaching programmes to help you live from the inside out.

If you found this episode valuable, please leave a five-star review and share it with someone who needs it. Your feedback truly means the world to me, and I’d love to hear how this episode is impacting you, so hit me up on social media!

Wishing you a fantastic start to a blessed 2025! Till next time, remember to live from the inside out. ✨

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Welcome to this week’s episode! Over the past two weeks, your feedback on Kairos: The Power of Perfect Timing and A Time to Act has been nothing short of humbling. Many of you have shared how these episodes have resonated deeply, inspiring you to re-evaluate procrastination and the hidden consequences of time.

This week, I want to take it a step further. 2024 has been a challenging year for so many, myself included. But I’ve realised that challenges don’t just test us, they teach us. And those lessons can become the blueprint we use to navigate 2025 with clarity and determination.

In today’s episode, I share three powerful mindsets to help you transform life’s trials into stepping stones:

Reframing Your Perspective:

Learn how to give challenges a new meaning and navigate difficult relationships without unnecessary pain.

Acting in Faith:

Discover why God often leads us to take unrelated, sometimes illogical actions—and how obedience can lead to unexpected breakthroughs.

Finding Peace Amidst the Storm:

Understand how creating inner peace provides clarity, strength, and the ability to move forward even in the midst of chaos.

This episode is more than a reflection on 2024; it’s an invitation to step boldly into 2025 with a renewed mindset and a clear purpose.

Special Invitation:

Join me on Saturday, 28th December, at 10am UK time for a free Zoom session. We’ll explore how to take this year's lessons and turn them into a practical plan for the year ahead. Registration is essential; visit our website or Eventbrite to sign up.

Links and Resources:

• Visit our website: toksaruoture.com

• Register for our Online Event on Eventbrite

•Mentioned episodes: Episode 106 - Social Media Crisis Management

Episode 106: Finding Calm in the (Social Media) Chaos
Episode 108: Kairos: Power of Perfect Timing
Episode 109: A Time to Act

•HangOut Cafe with Pastor Funke Adeaga: Watch on YouTube

• Follow me on social media for more inspiration and updates: Instagram, LinkedIn YouTube

• Ready to take bold steps toward your purpose? I offer 1:1 coaching and group coaching programmes to help you live from the inside out.

Till next time, remember to live from the inside out. ✨

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Following last week’s episode on Kairos moments, which became the second most-listened-to episode of 2024 (thank you so much for your incredible feedback!), I felt led to continue this conversation. So today, we’re diving into the natural next step: taking action.

What do you do once you recognise that now is the time?

In this episode, I explore three “little foxes” that hold us back from acting with courage:

The Fear of Being Wrong:

• How our narrow definitions of success and failure keep us stuck.

• Why “wrong” might actually be a lesson in disguise—and how to shift your mindset.

The Fear of Being Different:

• Embracing your unique path and learning to love what sets you apart.

• Why standing out is worth the discomfort and how to start celebrating your individuality.

The Fear of Not Being Enough:

• How feelings of inadequacy can lead us to sabotage our own progress.

• Recognising that you already have everything you need to bring your ideas to life.

I also share personal stories—like revisiting the lessons I learned after losing everything and starting over, and how this year’s challenges have led to incredible growth and clarity in my purpose.

Key Takeaways:

• Your spirit is superior to your body; it speaks truth and guides you toward courageous action.

• Every idea comes equipped with everything it needs to succeed. Nothing is missing.

• The courage to act begins with uprooting the fears that are silently stealing your progress.

Links and Resources:

• Visit my website: toksaruoture.com

• Follow me on social media for more inspiration and updates: Instagram, LinkedIn YouTube

• Ready to take bold steps toward your purpose? I offer 1:1 coaching and group coaching programmes to help you live from the inside out.

Till next time, remember to live from the inside out. ✨

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Welcome back to the Living Inside Out podcast! In this episode, I explore the concept of time—not just as we know it but in its two distinct forms: Chronos (quantitative, linear time) and Kairos (divine, opportune moments). This conversation stems from a personal revelation about how small, often invisible habits, those “little foxes”, can block us from achieving our goals.

Here’s what you can expect in this episode:

• The Myth of Tomorrow: Why the phrase “I’ll do it tomorrow” is the most dangerous thing we tell ourselves.

• Chronos vs Kairos: Breaking down the difference between measurable time and critical, spiritual moments.

• The Power of Kairos Moments: Understanding and acting in your appointed time can lead to exponential growth.

• A Personal Story: My unexpected journey of learning luxury branding at Fortnum & Mason and how it completely transformed my business approach.

• Procrastination’s Silent Damage: Why hesitation and delay are subtle yet effective tools to derail destiny.

• Practical Steps: How to recognise and act on your Kairos moments, align your spirit with God’s timing, and stop missing opportunities meant for your growth.

Key Takeaways:

Time is more than a tool; it’s life itself. Every moment is loaded with potential to create life-altering results.
Kairos moments aren’t bound by human schedules. They’re divine opportunities that require spiritual sensitivity and action.
Procrastination is the thief of destiny. When you say “later,” you’re allowing comfort and hesitation to rob you of your appointed time.

I challenge you to reflect on the moments you’ve let slip away because of hesitation. What would be different if you acted in faith instead of waiting for the “perfect time”?

Resources and Links:

Ecclesiastes 1

• Visit my website: toksaruoture.com

• Follow me on social media for more inspiration and updates: Instagram, LinkedIn YouTube

• Want to go deeper? I offer 1:1 coaching and group coaching programmes to help you live from the inside out and achieve your divine purpose.

Thank you for listening! Please subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs it. Let’s connect again next week as we continue the journey of living intentionally and purposefully.

And remember, live from the inside out. ✨

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Hello, and welcome back to Living Inside Out! This episode is close to my heart because we’re diving into a topic that affects so many of us; self-consciousness. Whether you’re a student, an entrepreneur, or someone just trying to figure things out, that nagging voice in your head saying, “What will they think?” can hold you back from truly living your life.

This week, I had the privilege of guest-lecturing at Goldsmiths, University of London. I was invited to teach a class on Entrepreneurship to the Master’s students studying Luxury Brand Management. Let me tell you, I was in my zone! Speaking to others about mindset, growth, and living authentically is one of the ways I come alive. But the truth is, this wasn’t always the case. Years ago, I struggled with self-consciousness and the fear of being judged. Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone, and this episode is for you.

Here’s what we cover in this episode:

•The Realisation That Set Me Free: Why nobody is thinking about you as much as you think they are, and how this can change your perspective on storytelling and vulnerability.

•The Difference Between Authenticity and Oversharing: How to share your story in a way that inspires and uplifts, not just to vent or seek validation.

•Three Practical Steps to Telling Your Story Boldly:

1.Get to Know Yourself: Why self-discovery is the foundation of authenticity.

2.Examine Your Intentions: Understanding the why behind your words and actions.

3.Write It Out First: How crafting and owning your story beforehand can turn self-consciousness into confidence.

One of the students at Goldsmiths asked me a fantastic question: “How come you’re so bold in sharing authentically?” Her concern, like many of us, was rooted in the fear of being judged. My answer? Nobody is keeping score. Most people are busy being the star of their own story, and what they think of you often says more about them than it does about you.

We’ll also explore how to handle those who genuinely critique or misunderstand you and why their opinions are, frankly, none of your business.

Lastly, I’ll share why it’s important to only share what you’re comfortable with and have healed from. Your story is powerful, but it’s not a dumping ground for unresolved emotions.

Resources Mentioned:

•Proverbs 20:5
The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.

•Choose your Mindset Course or Workshops: Your mindset is your foundation. Learn how to tell your story authentically while building your personal brand.

•Episode #106 (sorry I said 105 but its 106) On handling the Facebook disruption.

•Connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube! Let’s continue the conversation.

Subscribe and Review:

If this episode spoke to you, I’d love it if you could give the podcast a 5-star rating. It helps others find the show and keeps the content coming!

As always, thank you for listening and being part of this amazing community. Until next time, remember to live from the inside out. You’ve got this! ❤️

Toks

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What do you do when something unexpected, like being locked out of your Facebook accounts, threatens to derail your day and disrupt your business? In this episode, I share my journey through a recent digital crisis, highlighting the steps I took to stay calm, productive, and resilient. From managing the initial panic to leaning on faith, family, and routines, this episode is packed with practical lessons for handling challenges with grace and perspective.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

•How to manage panic and regain control in moments of uncertainty.

•The importance of taking practical steps while knowing when to step away.

•Why routines are essential guardrails in times of chaos.

•Leadership tips for setting the tone during a crisis.

•How to gain a healthier perspective on challenges by anchoring yourself in faith, family, and context.

•The critical lesson of not putting all your digital eggs in one basket.

•How to plan for the future to mitigate risks and strengthen your business.

While this experience is related to my business, the tips and strategies I share will work in your personal life too. We cannot avoid disruptions, but we can regain control if we manage it properly.

Have you experienced a digital disruption or unexpected challenge in your business? Share your story with me on LinkedIn or Instagram. Let’s start a conversation about staying resilient and prepared for the unexpected.

Resource:

•Tips for preventing a Facebook suspension:

https://chatterblast.com/blog/it-happened-to-me-staying-calm-when-facebook-suspends-your-account/

Connect with Me:

•Website

• LinkedIn

•Instagram

If you enjoyed this episode, I’d love for you to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an update. And if you found this conversation helpful, please take a moment to rate and review it—it really helps to spread the word and reach more people who could benefit from these insights. Your support means so much to me. Thank you!

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In this inspiring episode, Toks speaks with Getrude Matshe—3-time TEDx Speaker, author, serial social entrepreneur, and philanthropy consultant. Getrude, known for her vibrant energy and commitment to empowering women, shares her insights on finding one’s purpose and using it to uplift others. The conversation explores her journey, her belief in the African philosophy of Ubuntu, and her mission to educate and empower Africa’s next generation. Getrude’s story is one of resilience, self-belief, and an unbreakable commitment to community and unity.

Key Takeaways

Embracing Responsibility: Getrude shares her powerful experience of taking on the responsibility of raising 49 children orphaned by HIV. Her story exemplifies the Ubuntu philosophy—"I am because we are"—and her deep-rooted belief in uplifting her community.
Ubuntu in All Areas of Life: Getrude describes the Ubuntu philosophy and its wide-reaching impact across various fields, from business to technology. Ubuntu is about recognising our interconnectedness and using it to drive success, unity, and compassion.
Philanthropy Starts at Home: For Getrude, being philanthropic isn’t just about large-scale projects; it’s about supporting those closest to us first. Building strong relationships at home can be the foundation for creating positive ripples in the wider community.
Overcoming Self-Doubt: Getrude shares her empowering affirmation for self-doubt: “Listen, I need to do this; I know I have the ability to do this.” Her resilience and inner drive are a testament to the strength that comes from believing in one’s capabilities.
Trusting Your Ideas: According to Getrude, if you have an idea, you already have the inherent knowledge and ability to bring it to life. Her advice encourages listeners to take action on their passions and trust in their potential.
Redefining Failure: Failure, for Getrude, is simply the act of not trying. She shares her perspective that life’s setbacks are stepping stones to growth and that the real failure lies in ignoring a desire to act. With this mindset, Getrude has been able to embrace challenges and learn from every experience.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to find purpose, strengthen their community, and overcome the fear of failure. Getrude’s journey is a powerful reminder that purpose and passion can drive positive change in ourselves and those around us.

NEXT STEPS:

If you need support, feel free to email Toks at pa@toksaruoture.com. As a certified coach, she helps individuals overcome limiting thoughts and unlock their full potential. Connect with us on social media @toksaruoture for daily inspiration and insights.

Have you subscribed to this podcast? If not, why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Also, head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to Living Inside Out, for more impactful conversations and personal growth content.

We would love to connect with you on social! Let’s stay in touch on toksaruoture.com and hang out on Instagram @toksaruoture and on Facebook at Living Inside Out.

Thank you for listening, and see you next time on Living Inside Out!

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In This Powerful Episode of Living Inside Out, Toks Sits Down with Elizabeth Solaru

In this episode, Toks Aruoture has an inspiring conversation with Elizabeth Solaru, a multi-award-winning luxury business consultant, author of The Luxpreneur, and former microbiologist turned cake artist. Elizabeth’s journey from science to the world of luxury and entrepreneurship is filled with incredible insights and transformative lessons on building a brand, finding your unique voice, and embracing authenticity.

Key Topics Covered:

•The Power of Authenticity: Elizabeth shares how staying true to yourself is essential when building a luxury brand. She explores how authenticity not only attracts the right audience but also strengthens brand loyalty.

•Building a Successful Luxury Brand: Learn the fundamentals of luxury branding, from mindset to strategy, and how Elizabeth built her own brand from the ground up while maintaining integrity and excellence.

•The Power of Storytelling in Business: Elizabeth delves into the importance of storytelling in creating a compelling brand narrative that resonates with clients and sets your brand apart in the luxury market.

•Diversity in Luxury: As the founder of the Diversity in Luxury Awards, Elizabeth also touches on the need for inclusivity and how diversity is reshaping the luxury industry.

Key Takeaways:

•Embrace Your Authenticity and Move Forward: Elizabeth reminds us to “Do it Afraid”—take risks and step forward even when facing fear or doubt.

•Luxury Starts with You: True luxury begins within, with a mindset focused on excellence, self-worth, and the value you bring to others.

•The 5 Key Pillars of a Luxury Mindset: Elizabeth outlines the foundational elements needed to develop a luxury mindset, essential for anyone aspiring to build a brand in this space.

Resources Mentioned:

•The Luxpreneur by Elizabeth Solaru – A must-read for those looking to elevate their business through the principles of luxury and authenticity.

•Diversity in Luxury Awards – A groundbreaking initiative recognising excellence and inclusivity within the luxury industry.

Connect with Elizabeth Solaru:

•Instagram: @elizabethsolaru – Follow Elizabeth for insights and inspiration in luxury, entrepreneurship, and personal growth.

•Website: ElizabethSolauru.com – Learn more about her consultancy, upcoming events, and luxury courses.

•LinkedIn: Elizabeth Solaru – Connect with Elizabeth for more professional insights and opportunities.

Listen to this Episode on:

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Let's talk about the reality of burnout—a hidden culprit behind feelings of exhaustion, detachment, and lack of motivation. Drawing from my recent experience, I’ll walk you through what burnout really looks like, the subtle signs to watch for, and practical ways to move from depletion to revitalisation. Whether you’re feeling a general sense of dreariness or struggling to find your motivation, this episode will offer insights, solutions, and encouragement to help you reclaim your spark.

Key Points:

What is Burnout?

Burnout is a state of chronic physical and emotional exhaustion resulting from prolonged stress. It can impact your motivation, emotional health, and even your physical well-being.

Signs of Burnout:

•Physical and Emotional Exhaustion: Feeling drained, fatigued, and unable to recover.

•Decreased Motivation: Finding it hard to stay productive and motivated.

•Detachment and Isolation: Withdrawing from relationships or feeling disconnected.

•Irritability and Frustration: Easily triggered by small stressors.

•Difficulty Concentrating: Struggling with focus and memory.

My Personal Journey Through Burnout:

•I share my own recent experience with burnout, how I recognised it, and the challenges I faced in acknowledging it.

Solutions for Alleviating Burnout:

•Set Boundaries: Protect your personal time by creating clear work-life boundaries.

•Prioritise Rest: Make rest and sleep a consistent priority.

•Practice Self-Compassion: Allow yourself grace, and remember that healing takes time.

•Engage in Physical Activity: Move in ways that feel good to you, even if it’s a short walk.

•Seek Support: Find people or communities to connect with, whether friends, family, or professional support.

Inspiration and Action:

•Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own experiences, recognise signs of burnout, and implement one small step towards reclaiming balance.

Key Takeaways:

•Burnout can sneak up on us, especially when we feel unmotivated or weary without a clear reason.

•Recognising signs of burnout is crucial for taking steps towards recovery and finding joy in everyday life again.

•Solutions exist, and they’re often simpler than we realise, from setting boundaries to practising self-compassion.

Next Steps:

If you’re feeling exhausted or struggling with motivation, take a moment to assess where you might need rest or support. Small changes can have a powerful impact. Let this episode be your guide in moving from burnout to balance.

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In this episode, I had an incredible conversation with Shadé Akande, founder of ONE X LEAGUE. Shadé, raised as a first-generation American by Nigerian parents, shares her experiences of navigating culture clashes, embracing risk, and learning to trust herself—lessons that shaped her personal and professional journey.

You can watch this episode on YouTube

We dive into:

•Growing Up Nigerian-American: Shadé talks about the culture clashes of being raised by Nigerian parents in the United States and how those experiences influenced her career choices and personal growth.

•Career Evolution: From the fashion industry to HR at some of the biggest global companies like Google and Verizon, Shadé explains how each step in her career taught her more about people and herself.

•Launching ONE X LEAGUE: Shadé shares the mission behind ONE X LEAGUE, a private membership for Black and Afro-Latina executive women, and the upcoming ONE SUITE RETREAT, a retreat for Black executives, both male and female, happening in February next year.

•Risk-Taking and Resilience: We discuss the importance of taking risks, learning from failures, and building resilience in the face of entrepreneurship challenges.

•Building Your Tribe: A major theme of our conversation revolves around creating a supportive network. Shadé shares insights on how to build a tribe of mentors and supporters and reflects on our own trip to the Amalfi Coast, where we strengthened our community of women.

•Mentorship: We also explore how mentorship plays a vital role in personal and professional growth, and how to find the right mentors if you’re just starting out.

Shadé’s story is filled with practical insights and powerful lessons for anyone looking to take charge of their career, build resilience, and create a supportive network.

Next Steps:

If you loved this episode, make sure to subscribe and leave a review! You can connect with Shadé and learn more about ONE X LEAGUE at onexleague.com. Stay tuned for more insightful conversations, and follow us on @toksa to never miss an episode!

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Welcome back to Living Inside Out! After a brief hiatus, we’re back with a fresh new look and an exciting direction for the podcast. In this first episode of our new season, Toks Aruoture reflects on the journey so far, shares some of the lessons learned along the way, and gives you a sneak peek into what’s to come.

Here’s what you’ll hear in today’s episode:

• Why taking a step back and pausing to reflect was so important.

• A deep dive into the lessons Toks has learned over the past few years, including insights on faith, burnout, and personal growth.

• An exciting new direction for the podcast, with more interviews, deeper conversations, and transparency about Toks’ own personal journey.

• A look ahead at some incredible upcoming guests—people you’re familiar with and new voices to inspire you.
• How this season has been designed with YOU in mind, offering insights and conversations that will help you live a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Key Lessons from Today’s Episode:

• “Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it” – A powerful reflection on how we can frame our experiences and challenges.

• The importance of aligning with your purpose and reassessing where you’re headed.

• How to take care of yourself in the process and avoid burnout while still moving forward in life.

We’re thrilled to be back and can’t wait to continue this journey with you!

Your next steps:

If you loved today’s episode, be sure to:

Subscribe to our YouTube channel to catch the new video episodes, interviews, and more.
Subscribe on your favourite podcast platform so you never miss an episode—whether it’s Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen.
And don’t forget, the waitlist is still open for our Get Unstuck program which begins on the 1st of November. It’s your chance to join a transformational journey to move forward in life with purpose and clarity.

Join the wait list to be considered

Resources

Introduction: A Perfect Storm

The Future is Superior to the Present

Toxic Friendships: Six Types of Friends to Avoid

Get Unstuck Wait List

If you need support, email pa@toksaruoture.com. As a certified coach, I help individuals overcome limiting thoughts. Connect with me on social media @toksaruoture.

Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out.

I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

See you next time on Living Inside Out!

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Welcome to episode #100! Thank you for sticking with me through 100 episodes of this podcast journey.

This episode marks a special milestone—my continued conversation with Suzy, where we dive deep into the theme "Talk is Cheap, Actions Speak Louder than Words." Yes, it's a powerful message, and I'm thrilled to share it with you.

We often hear the saying, "Listen closely with your eyes." This episode is all about that—paying attention to the actions around us and the stories they tell. Suzy and I discuss how actions reveal true intentions and character far more than words ever could.

Reflecting on my past journals, I talk about the importance of not comparing one circumstance to another. Life gives us trials, but we are equipped to handle them. Comparing our past selves to our present can be a trap; instead, we should embrace our journey and growth.

Join us in this episode, part two of two, of Life Lessons with Suzy and Toks.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch the recording to see our cheerful faces 😊.

Connect with Me: I would love to hear from you!

Connect with me on social media and stay updated with the latest news and events:

• Email: pa@toksaruoture.com

• Instagram: Toks Aruoture

• LinkedIn: Toks Aruoture

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Welcome to episode #99! I thank you for riding with me through 99 episodes of my podcast.

This episode has been a long time coming—my conversation with Suzy on the life lessons we learned in 2023! Yes, I know, 19 months later, but we made it, and that’s what counts, right?

One cannot quantify the benefits of having the right people in your space. Besides having good friends who watch your back, make great company, and lend a listening ear, we should have wise people who plant words of life in and around us.

We also have a responsibility to ourselves to learn the lessons that life teaches us. Last year, I learned that life is not a straight line. Somehow, we were led to believe that the kinks and bends in our paths should be straightened. Consequently, many of us have spent months fixing what isn’t broken because the idea of an imperfect journey doesn’t sit well with us.

Since our last conversation, which was well received, Suzy’s divorce has been finalised, and she is living her best life. At the time of our previous recording, it was impossible to imagine the freedom she would experience. Yes, we knew it would happen, but when you are in the trenches, all you can see is mud and dead weight. Meanwhile, I have survived a long, challenging season of my own and share some of the lessons that came out of it and some tools to navigate rough terrains.

Join us in this episode, part one of two, of Life Lessons with Suzy and Toks.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch the recording to see our cheerful faces 😊.

Connect with Me: I would love to hear from you! Connect with me on social media and stay updated with the latest news and events:
• Email: pa@toksaruoture.com
• Instagram: Toks Aruoture
• LinkedIn: Toks Aruoture

Contact Information

• Email: pa@toksaruoture.com

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This week on Living Inside Out, we dive deep into the roots of weariness and its impact on our lives and goals. Toks explores how chronic disappointments can spiral into discouragement, hopelessness, apathy, and even depression. Discover practical strategies to stay energised and focused on your God-given purpose, despite the enemy’s attempts to derail you.

Episode Highlights:

• Understanding Weariness: Learn how repeated disappointments lead to discouragement, and how this can devolve into hopelessness and depression. Depression is described as a dark pit of hopelessness, a place where defeat feels inescapable.
• Spiritual Perspective: Understand how the enemy uses weariness to prevent us from fulfilling our purpose. Explore how God’s purpose aligns with our deepest desires, and why staying energised is crucial to achieving our goals.
• Personal Testimony: Hear a personal story of unwavering belief in a future vision, despite facing logical reasons to give up. Discover the power of holding onto your dreams even in the face of weariness.
• Common Causes of Overwhelm: Identify key factors contributing to weariness, such as overwork, stress, lack of sleep, poor nutrition, and emotional burdens.
• Three Dimensions of Existence: Delve into the interconnectedness of our physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions. Get a sneak peek into how spiritual battles influence our weariness and the hope in God’s promise of overcoming the world.
• Recognising Signs of Weariness: Learn about the physical and emotional signs of weariness, from chronic fatigue and headaches to irritability and lack of motivation. Understand how our modern habits, like consuming short content on social media, contribute to emotional and mental fatigue.

Practical Tips to Stay Energised:

Physical Health: Prioritise sleep, balanced nutrition, and regular exercise to maintain energy levels.
Mental and Emotional Well-being: Practice mindfulness, take regular breaks, and nurture positive relationships.
Spiritual Practices: Engage in regular prayer and meditation for peace and rejuvenation, and connect with a faith community for support.

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Welcome to The Living Inside Out podcast. I’m your host, Toks Aruoture. This is episode 97: “Challenges to Opportunities: Steps to Help You Change Your Perspective.”

Hello, my friend. I hope you are well. If you’re in the UK and have a 16-year-old, congratulations! The exams are over. I, too, have a 16-year-old, and now that exams are done, I told him he’d need to get a job. Initially, I thought providing everything was a sign of love, but I’ve realised the importance of work ethic and early skill acquisition.

If this is your first time listening, thank you. Please rate and review this podcast and share it with your network. If you’ve been with me for a while, welcome back and thank you for your consistency. A couple of announcements: I have spaces for my PR workshop on 27th June. Also, for our 100th episode, I want to record in front of a live audience. Email pa@toksaruoture.com if you’re interested.

Recapping last week, we discussed how our perspective on circumstances affects our growth. Today, we’ll delve into the benefits of seeing circumstances as neutral. This perspective enables us to see opportunities even in difficult times.

Recently, I faced a tough week, but through it, I learned to trust in God’s invisible realm beyond our physical world. This trust helps us navigate challenges with the understanding that God is working for our good.

To change our perspective during tough times:

Embrace dual realities. There can be good amidst challenges.
Rest when tired, don’t quit. Busyness can drown out divine guidance.
Acceptance. Identify the lies in your thoughts and counter them with God’s truth.

If you need support, email pa@toksaruoture.com. As a certified coach, I help individuals overcome limiting thoughts. Connect with me on social media @toksaruoture.

Before we go, let’s pray. Dear Jesus, I pray for the listener. Help them navigate this season, fulfil their potential, and take the next step. Amen.

Thank you for listening. God bless you.

Show Notes:

• Spaces available for PR workshop on 27th June.
• Interested in attending the 100th episode live recording? Email pa@toksaruoture.com.
• Follow me on social media: @toksaruoture.
• For coaching support, email pa@toksaruoture.com.
• Visit my website for mindset courses and workshops: toksaruoture.com.

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Episode Summary

In this episode, we explore the concept that circumstances in themselves are neutral, and it is our thoughts about them that shape our emotional responses. As always, I draw from personal stories, reflections, and examples, to see how our perceptions and attitudes can transform our experiences of pain, so we are not crippled by it, but instead we advance in spite of it.

Episode Highlights

• Introduction to the Concept:
• Statement from the previous episode: Circumstances are neither good nor bad.
• The idea that it is our thoughts about circumstances that determine our emotions.
• The Influence of Our Perception:
• Factors influencing perception: personality, culture, mood, mental state.
• Personal story of discovering and embracing this concept.
• Personal Story About Pets:
• Childhood experiences with pets in Benin.
• Decision to get pets for children despite potential for pain.
• Realisation that the doorway for pain is the same doorway for joy.
• Embracing Pain and Disappointment:
• Reflection on Earl Nightingale’s advice to embrace pain and disappointment.
• Choosing to embrace rather than fight against life’s challenges.
• Perspective on Tough Seasons:
• Conversation with friend Shade about tough seasons and blessings.
• Realisation that what we have today was once something we prayed for.
• Comparing Pain:
• Thoughts on the Gaza-Israel conflict as an example of different perspectives on the same circumstance.
• Discussion on the futility of comparing one’s pain to others’.
• Emphasis on pain being felt internally, not externally.
• Seeking Joy in Difficult Times:
• Reflection on the brain’s tendency to seek joy and avoid pain.
• Personal story of seeking joy through prayer during challenging times.
• The importance of finding joy and peace within, regardless of external circumstances.

Key Takeaways

Circumstances are Neutral: It’s our thoughts about them that create our emotional responses.
Embrace Challenges: Choosing to embrace pain and disappointment can give us more control over our lives.
Avoid Comparison: Pain and joy are internal experiences, and comparing our circumstances to others’ can be misleading and unhelpful.

Announcements

• PR Workshop: Join us for an upcoming PR workshop where you’ll learn the essentials of public relations, effective communication strategies, and how to elevate your brand. Stay tuned for dates and registration details.
• Coaching and Workshops: Explore our range of coaching services and workshops designed to help you achieve personal and professional growth. Whether you are looking to improve your mindset, enhance your entrepreneurial skills, or navigate life’s challenges, we have something for you.

Contact Information

• Email: pa@toksaruoture.com

Listener Challenge

Reflect on a time when you prayed desperately for something you now have. How do you feel about it now? Consider how your thoughts and attitudes have influenced your emotions towards it.

Subscribe & Review

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform. Your feedback helps us reach more listeners and continue to provide valuable content.

Next Episode Teaser

Stay tuned for the next episode where we will continue exploring the neutrality of circumstances and how to harness our thoughts to navigate life’s challenges.

This podcast is brought to you by Living Inside Out; a platform where we explore the intersection of mindset, entrepreneurship, and faith. For more insights and inspiration, visit our website and stay connected with our community.

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We’re just five episodes away from our 100th episode, and we’re planning to celebrate big! I have some exciting ideas, including recording in front of a live audience. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, so please let me know what you think.

Embracing ChallengesThis week, I had the wonderful opportunity to speak to graduate students in Brazil, and it has left me on a high. It got me thinking about the challenges we all face in life.

After months of waiting for a challenging season to end, I’ve finally embraced it as a part of life. Have you ever found yourself waiting, like being in a valley, hoping someone will hoist you up to the mountain? Life in the valley is something we all experience. It’s a stop on our journey but not where we’re meant to stay. If you’re in a valley, surrounded by mountains and obstacles, know that this too shall pass.

The Power of PerspectiveRecently, I had a revelation about our thoughts, emotions, and circumstances. It’s not the circumstance that causes us to feel discouraged, sad, or angry—it’s our thoughts. Circumstances are neutral; they don’t carry any power. It’s our interpretation of them that shapes our emotions. This explains why two people in the same situation can react so differently.

A Personal AnecdoteI’ll share a recent personal experience to illustrate this. I changed my phone provider, moving from a high business tariff to a much lower one. The switch-over process wasn’t smooth, and the new company only offered live chat support. You can imagine the frustration! During my first interaction, I was getting annoyed. I even felt like cursing out the agent, but I managed to keep my anger in check 🙈

Although the problem wasn’t resolved by the third conversation, my reaction was different. I felt irritation rising but managed to push it down. Here’s why:

I had a chat with myself after the first interaction.
this conversation was at home, at the start of the day, when I was at peace and not stressed.
It was a different day—Friday, to be exact!

Shifting Your MindsetRecognising that circumstances don’t directly dictate our emotions allows us to work on our internal responses. Here are three mindset shifts to adopt during challenging seasons:

Accept that everyone goes through challenges.
When I lost my business in the 2008 recession, it helped to know that it wasn’t just me—many were affected. Understanding that challenges are normal in life can help us feel less burdened and more focused on moving forward. Resist the temptation to compare your life to others. Accepting that challenges are universal and neutral stops you from searching for the cause of your pain and allows you to nurture your soul.
Resist the urge to medicate the pain.
It’s natural to want to avoid pain, but sometimes, the path to our destination involves facing difficulties head-on. There’s treasure to be found in dark places, but only if we resist the urge to numb ourselves with distractions like alcohol, shopping, or binge-watching TV.
Don’t search for someone or something to blame.
Blame is a common response to crises, but it doesn’t help us move forward. Instead of pointing fingers, take responsibility for your life. This doesn’t mean blaming yourself—it means owning your journey. By doing so, you remain in control and can more effectively navigate challenges.

Final ThoughtsChallenges often involve deception, which blinds us to the goodness around us and amplifies our struggles. Remember, deception is simply a lie posing as truth. The best way to counter it is by internalising and speaking the truth—God is good, and His plans for you are to prosper you and give you hope and a future.

AnnouncementsI'll be hosting a PR workshop on the 27th of June to teach and share with you the nitty-gritty of building your personal/business brand. These are the strategies I used to grow from $75 in the corner of my room to the destination for luxury baby furniture in London.

Here's what you can expect to take away from the workshop: Learn MY tips and strategies that got me featured in top publications such as The Telegraph, The Times, The Metro, etc.

Discover how to build a strong online presence that attracts clients and opportunities and makes you feel confident and visible!
Master the art of storytelling to make your brand stand out, and get access to exclusive insights you won't find elsewhere
Learn how to craft pitches that land you on top media platforms and make your voice heard!

Join me on Zoom on 27th of June,2024 and take the first step towards elevating your brand with PR mastery.

Spaces are limited, so sign up soon. For personal insights and reflections, check out my “Dear Diary” segment on social media and YouTube.Action Point

Be especially mindful this week and watch your emotional response to uncomfortable situations; then ask yourself, what thought created this feeling, or what did I just think? This will help to self-regulate emotions as opposed to being at their mercy.

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Hey you! Would you agree that we are in a pivotal moment in the world? It feels as though the rebate of change and evolution is at the highest speed. Social media, pandemic, wars, economic crises, artificial intelligence? Imagine someone who has been in a coma foe the past six years, waking up today? They’d freak out 😅 This episode explores how we can live authentically in a rapidly changing, and increasingly artificial world. You were created to fulfil a purpose, but you won't be able to do so unless you practice living authentically.Because the layers that embellish us to make us more acceptable also hide our gifts and our true selves.Recently, I’ve been reflecting on how I lead my team and the role of emotions in business. It’s been a challenging yet enlightening period, showing me that emotions can steer our decisions unpredictably.One theme that has been recurring is facing the fear of judgement. This is something I’ve struggled with and I am getting past, and it’s a common challenge many of us face. We have got to push past self-doubt and societal expectations to live authentically.Full Circle MomentIf we are connected on social media, you'll notice that I’ve been featured in Nigerian press for my work on mindset transformation, and will be guest lecturing at a Brazilian university, a nod to my Brazilian roots. But I also happen to be dealing with some other challenges which has led me to believe trials and success are two sides of the same coin.Life is about accepting dual realities. We often fear judgement from others, but pushing past this fear is crucial for authentic living. It’s about embracing both the good and the bad and understanding that both can exist simultaneously. Limiting beliefs, formed from past hurts, can hinder our true potential. Like pearls formed from irritants, these beliefs create protective layers that we must address to live authentically. Practical Tips for Authentic Living1. Daily Practices: Journaling, mindfulness, and setting boundaries help stay connected to yourself. 2. Mindful Consumption: Curate your environment to minimise negative influences. 3. Setting Personal Goals: Align your goals with your true self, not external expectations.

Final ThoughtsReflect on your journey towards authenticity and take proactive steps to live genuinely. If you need guidance, I offer coaching services to help uncover and overcome limiting beliefs. Contact me at pa@toksaruoture.com or visit toksaruoture.com. AnnouncementsThe next PR Workshop is on 27th June. Spaces are limited, so sign up soon. Also, check out my “Dear Diary” segment on social media and YouTube for personal insights and reflections. Next stepsReflect on your authenticity journey and take steps to embrace it fully. Reach out if you need support—I’m here to help you uncover your amazing self. Thanks for tuning in! Until next time, keep living authentically and embrace the journey. Do reach out with any questions or thoughts on this episode via email or social media. Looking forward to hearing from you!

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Are you an overwhelmed entrepreneur struggling to find balance? In episode 93, we dive into practical strategies for overcoming overwhelm and reclaiming control of your business and life.

Overwhelm is a common challenge for busy entrepreneurs, but it's not insurmountable. Join us as we explore actionable solutions to help you navigate overwhelm and achieve greater freedom in your entrepreneurial journey.

In this episode, we discuss:

Recognising the Normalisation of Overwhelm: Discover why overwhelm has become normalised in entrepreneurship and how it can negatively impact your business and well-being. Learn the importance of setting boundaries, prioritising self-care, and combating burnout.
Addressing Unrealistic Time Management: Explore the pitfalls of unrealistic time management and how it contributes to overwhelm. Learn practical time management techniques, including the Pomodoro Technique, to boost productivity and efficiency while reducing stress.
Confronting Mental Distractions and Lack of Focus: Uncover the impact of mental distractions and information overload on entrepreneurial overwhelm. Discover strategies for enhancing focus, practising mindfulness, and minimizing social media distractions to regain clarity and control.

Resources and Links:

EXCITING NEWS! I'll be hosting a PR workshop titled 'Transform Your Stories into Headlines.' this coming 18th of May at 7pm via Zoom. Learn storytelling, media relations, and guerrilla tactics for personal and business brand success.

Want to learn more? Check out all the details and secure your spot at this link.

Pomodoro Technique
Tomi Rotimi on Instagram
Tomi Rotimi on amazon
Episode 6: Joy or Pain - Emotional Decision Making

Don't let overwhelm prevent you from achieving your entrepreneurial dreams. With practical strategies and a proactive mindset, you can overcome overwhelm, reclaim time, and find greater freedom in your business and life. Subscribe to the Living Inside Out podcast for valuable insights and support on your entrepreneurial journey.

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Today we're diving into the topic of overcoming impostor syndrome.

In this episode, we explore the insidious ways impostor syndrome can manifest in our lives:

Seeking External Validation: Relying on others' approval to feel worthy, even when we've achieved success.
Crippling Self-Doubt: Allowing impostor syndrome to undermine our confidence and hinder our ability to make decisions.
Fear of Success: Subconsciously sabotaging our own progress due to a deep-seated belief that we're not deserving of our achievements.

Drawing from personal experiences and insights, I share practical strategies to combat impostor syndrome:

Celebrating Wins: Taking time to acknowledge and celebrate even the smallest victories empowers us to recognise our worth.
Preparation and Practice:

Thoroughly preparing for tasks or projects helps alleviate anxiety and boosts confidence.

Self-Affirmation: Embracing self-praise, free from the constraints of cultural stigma, reinforces our sense of self-worth and diminishes the grip of impostor syndrome.

Join me as we navigate the complexities of impostor syndrome and embark on a journey towards self-acceptance and empowerment.

Past Episode References:
- Episode 12: Toxic Friendships: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iATOLZd9KEk&list=PLMsxgKktXsjbYxCMgQINuPV6WE6nB8soR&index=80

Episode 9: Lies We Believe: Exposing the Mindsets that Limit Growth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VhPxdD7QkQ&list=PLMsxgKktXsjbYxCMgQINuPV6WE6nB8soR&index=83

Thank you for tuning in! Don't forget to subscribe and rate this episode, and I look forward to connecting with you on social media at toksaruoture. Until next time!

Want to learn more? Check out all the details and secure your spot at this link.

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This week we are continuing our 'entrepreneur' series and exploring what it looks like to be a Christian entrepreneur. I considered naming this episode The Spiritual Entrepreneur, but I realised that "spiritual" can mean many things to different people. So, it helps to be clear on this.

Personal Story: Finding Guidance

My earliest recollection of leaning on God for guidance as a Christian businesswoman was when I prayed for a mentor. God took my cry for help seriously and sent me Betsy Stevenson, a wonderful mentor who guided me through the fog. Her warmth and friendship is why I am committed to mentoring women entrepreneurs.

God's Intervention in Business Decisions

I’ve experienced God’s intervention numerous times in my business journey, from deciding whether to sell my store to navigating the complexities of building a website. Each time, His guidance was clear and led to remarkable outcomes.

Learning from Challenges

Through prayer and obedience, I’ve learned valuable lessons in business. Obedience in one area often releases favour in another, leading to unexpected opportunities and growth.

Inviting God into your Business

How can you include God in the running of your business? Believe in His desire to see you succeed, pray from a place of victory, and know that obedience often leads to favour and blessings.

Announcements

If you missed my interview with Channels TV, it will re-air this Saturday at 7:30pm on the programme Africans in Diaspora. Also, I have a PR workshop coming up in May. Send me a message to learn more.

Workshops & CoursesI am excited to announce our upcoming PR on a Shoestring Workshop.

One thing I can say after being in business for almost 20 years is that PR is essential. My business would not be where it is without PR. Having started with $75, I had no budget to pay an agency or pay for advertising. Yet, I ended up in national and international publications like Vogue, Hello!, Architectural Digest, The Telegraph., Times, Channel 4, ITV, BBC, and so many more. In this workshop, I will teach you all I know to get yourself into the media without having to pay thousands. Email pa@toksaruoture.com to register your interest, and we will add you to the list once we finalise the details.

Your Rock Star Story

Your story is waiting to be written. If you don't write it, someone will do so for you; it will soon become your narrative. Some of us are already living someone else's version of our story. End that today and purchase the Introduction to Your Rock Star Story course. This is a 2-hour video that allows you to work through the process at your own pace. My story took me from hiding to the TEDx stage. What I was once ashamed of became my calling card. And you can do the same for yourself today.

If you have not subscribed to and rated the Living Inside Out podcast, please do so on your favourite podcast app. It helps me grow my listenership and reach more people with relevant content. Thank you!

Gratitude

Thank you for tuning in and listening to this podcast. If it has blessed you in any way, please share it with your friends and give us a five-star rating. I wish you a fantastic day ahead. God bless you.

Resources:

Betsy Stevenson, founder of Clear Creek Group
Toks Aruoture's TED Talk:
Channels TV interview: Diaspora Network
Website

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Are you lacking confidence as an entrepreneur? Do you make business decisions confidently? As we look forward to the future, we must reflect on our past experiences and learn from them. This episode explores decision-making and the correlation between confidence and results. We'll examine how our external and internal factors influence our decision-making process and how we can improve our confidence as entrepreneurs. The start of a new business comes with sufficient fuel to get you started but not enough to keep you going. External factors and doubt may creep in, and you may begin to blame your decisions for the fluctuations and unpredictability typical to business. This may lead to paralysis when it comes to decision-making. During the episode, we'll share three valuable tips to increase your confidence. The first tip is to recognise and embrace your uniqueness, gifts, and peculiarities. Don't try to conform to societal norms and sacrifice your individuality. Secondly, we'll discuss the importance of keeping your word to yourself. When you commit to something, follow through and reinforce your ability to do what you want. Finally, we'll touch on admitting when you don't know something. There's no shame in not knowing; recognising our limitations is crucial to growing and learning. So, stay tuned for this exciting episode, and let's learn together how to make decisions confidently and with ease.Workshops & CoursesI am excited to announce our upcoming PR on a Shoestring Workshop.

Your Rock Star Story

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How often have you felt stuck, unable to make a business decision because your gut does not align with your logic?

The Practical vs. the Intuitive: Entrepreneurs often prioritise the practical and tangible aspects of business, which are undoubtedly essential. However, the gift of intuition, particularly prevalent in women, should not be overlooked.

The Challenge of Intuition: Intuition is a deeply personal experience arising from within our 'gut'. Unlike tangible skills, intuition cannot be taught or explained by others. Many individuals operate superficially, placing value solely on tangible and emotional experiences.

Developing Intuition in Business: To incorporate intuition into business practices, it's crucial to start small. Begin by acknowledging your intuitive capabilities and actively listening to them.

Workshops & CoursesI am excited to announce our upcoming PR on a Shoestring Workshop.

Your Rock Star Story

Your story is waiting to be written. If you don't write it, someone will do so for you; pretty soon, it will become your narrative. Some of us are already living someone else's version of our story. End that today and purchase the Introduction to Your Rock Star Story course. This is a 2-hour video that allows you to work through the process at your own pace. My story took me from hiding to the TEDx stage. What I was once ashamed of became my calling card. And you can do the same for yourself today.

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🎙️ Welcome Back to Living Inside Out! Thank you for tuning in!! Whether you're a returning listener or joining us for the first time, I'm thrilled to have you here. In this episode, we dive deep into the intersection of faith, mindset, and entrepreneurship, exploring themes of self-discovery, growth, and overcoming obstacles.

🌟 Highlights from My Recent Trip: I share insights from my journey to Lagos, including my experiences at the Leadership Conference and Awards where I had the privilege of speaking to a distinguished audience about the world's greatest lie and the power of personal responsibility.

💡 Unlocking Your Gifts: Discover the importance of operating in your gifts and how it can lead to personal and professional fulfillment. I discuss practical steps for gaining clarity, expanding your network, and embracing vulnerability on your path to success.

🔑 Overcoming Self-Consciousness: Learn how to silence the inner critic and step into your true potential by embracing vulnerability and shedding self-consciousness. Drawing inspiration from the biblical story of the widow with the jar of oil, we uncover the courage it takes to pursue our dreams despite fear of judgment.

🌱 Next Steps: Ready to take the next step on your journey of growth and empowerment? Stay tuned for exciting news about an upcoming PR workshop designed to help you elevate your personal brand and business. Details will be announced soon, but if you're interested, feel free to contact pa@toksaruoture.com for more information!

🙏 Thank You for Your Support: I'm grateful for your patience during our hiatus and excited to be back on air. Your support means the world to me, and I look forward to sharing more inspiring content with you in the weeks to come.

For questions or support on any of my mindset courses, please email pa@toksaruoture.com

Let's Connect:
Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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Compliments of the season!! Can you believe 2023 just happened? It's a behind-the-scenes situation because I still feel like it's June, and I have six months to do what I intended. 😂

Thank you for the comments, shares and feedback on my TEDx talk, The superpower of Authentic Storytelling

If you haven't watched it, click to do so, and please continue to share it. More on that next week.

To thank everyone who supported me this year, we are offering a FREE workshop for Write Your Rock Star Story this coming December 29th, 2024 at 6PM, UK Time, via Zoom.

To secure your spot on the official attendee list, kindly complete the Registration Form, accessible through this link: https://forms.gle/EvqDmj9m29g7dLCXA

If you know anyone eager to unlock their full potential, kindly share this information with them. Let's collectively redefine our stories and embark on a journey of brilliance together.

In this episode, I share three spiritual lessons I learned in 2023. These were borne out of personal experiences, as opposed to books I read or sermons I heard.

God is Faithful. People in the Christian community will agree that this has become a cliche. But we must take note of cliches because they are often heavy with truth. I share that God is faithful, which isn't just a nice or religiously correct thing to say; it is a statement of fact. We live in a world that is in a constant state of change, and the concept of immovability can be complex to grasp because we don't have many reference points.
God is Love.Another cliche. His character is love- nothing you can do to diminish or increase His love for you. This lesson came to me while I was on holiday in Lagos, Nigeria. I was emotionally in the middle of a situation I believed I had earned rebuke and judgment for. But God did none of that. He loved me out of the pit.
God is WillingWhen a leper approached Jesus to heal him, he said, "If you are willing". Jesus said I AM Willing. I AM wasn't referring to that moment in time but to Jesus's character. Jesus is always willing to help, bless, deliver, and move you forward.

In my next few episodes, I will be chatting with some of my besties, starting with none other than Suzy Bannerman! You will remember her from two years ago when we did lessons from 2021. Suzy is a sage, A wise woman. Then you will finally get to meet Titi. Titi carries an air of unbotheredness that is second to none. I cannot imagine being ruffled next to her. She radiates calmness, and with her insight and wisdom, you need a Titi. And there's Oga. Extraordinary, incredibly intelligent Oga. I hope I can convince her to come on the podcast. Next year is all about cultivating relationships so that you will meet more of my friends, including Toyin Okunuga. We have recorded an episode in the past, but technical issues have prevented it from airing. We will try again until we get there! The collective wisdom of the women in our lives is a treasure. Cherish them. For questions or support on any of my mindset courses, please email pa@toksaruoture.com Let's Connect:
Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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I hope you had a glorious summer and autumn. Is that how much time has passed? LOL!

My much-needed break from writing and recording has ended, and I am happy to be back!

In this episode, I bring you up to speed with what's been happening. My recent trip to Lagos left me feeling incredibly inspired. Nigeria always does that to me. When you consider the challenges the masses face with the high cost of living, yet they continue to dream and forge ahead, you will come away feeling like you need some of what they have. I compared the general mindsets I observed. In Nigeria, everyone constantly aims for better, while we don't ask for much in the UK. Just comfort. Nothing was wrong with that, but it started a train of thoughts that culminated in addressing mediocrity in my life, which I discussed in this episode. I hope it inspires you.

In other news, I delivered my first TED talk! That deserves a whole podcast by itself. The talk will be published on TED's platform and YouTube any day now, so keep an eye out. I warn you, I will be asking, not forcing you to share it with your network; thank you in advance 😊 The Talk is titled: The Superpower of Authentic Storytelling.

You can do hard things.

Find out how contracting food poisoning in Frankfurt ended up being one of the best things that could have happened to me.

All of the above has led me to resolve to live fully and stop hiding. Because I hide. I economise my presence in certain places and decide on my entrance into rooms based on the level of acceptance I predict.

But not anymore. Because something in my home country delivered me from the lie that told me I was standing on someone else's land. And I needed to be polite and permissive on their soil.

Knowing that I belong anywhere my life takes me is liberating. Owning the ground on which I stand is empowering.

'I did not come here to be accepted" sounds like the title of a book I will one day write, along with sequels like 'I Do Not Need Your Permission' and 'I Will Not Dim My Light to Make You Comfortable'.

I invite you to write yours too.

Please leave a five-star comment, subscribe, and share this episode with your network; I'd really appreciate it. Thank you!

I was recently interviewed on The Resilient Retail Podcast, where I shared about gathering wisps of resilience on our journey.

Resources:

My Ted Talk: The Superpower of Authentic Storytelling

Episode 54: Recognising the Pieces of Your Dreams

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Today's episode is birthed out of my frustration for living in overwhelm and constant stress. There's a lie some of us have believed that the more complex and challenging a task is, the more important it is. Sometimes we deliberately complicate issues because we respect the complex and spectacular over the simple and easy to do.

We pack so much into our day and have grown accustomed to living highly-stressed lives. We believe it comes with the territory of chasing big dreams.

Creating time buffers around your activities is a game-changer.

It gives you room to breathe and think.
Increases your self-confidence in meetings
Allows you to recognise growth opportunities

The benefits are numerous, and I believe you won't want to return once you taste a life of ease. I encourage you to identify why you permit time to manage you instead of it being the other way around.

Action points:

Build buffers around your appointments
Don't pack your diary full. You are not in a race. You were created to live and not race.
Understand that self-care and self-worth increase when you become a person of your word.

I will be taking a break from summer to refuel and recharge for the final stretch of 2023. This is a good time to re-listen to some of your favourite episodes. I will remain active on social media, where I'll continue reading my journal every week. Let's connect on Instagram @toksaruoture.

Resources:

Valorie Burton

Successful Women Think Differently Podcast

www.toksaruoture.com

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I hope you're having a great day and taking some time to relax and unwind. 😊

When it comes to growing our businesses, there are countless books, talks, videos, and articles out there that offer valuable insights and advice. They often highlight the habits and routines of successful individuals, suggesting that by emulating them, we can move closer to our own version of success. And hey, those tips can definitely be helpful!

However, if we truly want to bring about meaningful change in our lives, we need to go beyond just focusing on what we do. We must dig deeper and address the root causes behind our actions—the very things that are producing results we're not satisfied with.

In today's episode, I want to explore a specific habit that may be holding you back: hoarding. Now, I'm not referring to collecting physical items like a pack rat (although that's a topic for another time!). Instead, I'm talking about three forms of hoarding that can hinder our personal and therefore, business growth:

Hoarding knowledge: Sometimes, we cling tightly to what we know, afraid to let go and embrace new ideas. But if we genuinely want to evolve and become the best version of ourselves, we must be open to releasing old notions and welcoming the possibilities that come with the unknown.
Hoarding your present circumstances: It's natural to find comfort in the familiar, even if it no longer serves us. Stepping into the unknown can be daunting, but staying within the confines of what we know won't lead to growth. Sometimes, we need to take that leap of faith and see where it takes us.
Hoarding ideas: This one's for all the creative souls out there. It's common to fear that once we use up an idea, we'll be left with nothing. However, ideas are infinite and abundant. They flow through us when we're open and ready to receive them. So, don't be afraid to share your ideas with the world, because new ones will always find their way to you.

Now, why do we hoard? Fear is often at the root of this behaviour. Fear keeps us stuck, and stagnant, and prevents us from growing. If we genuinely want to break free from this pattern, we must confront our fears head-on and understand their origins.

To facilitate this journey of self-discovery, I encourage you to spend some time journaling. Reflect on these three questions in various aspects of your life—relationships, business, and beyond:

Am I doing my best?
What does my best look like?
Why am I holding back?

By honestly answering these questions, you might uncover surprising insights and gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

As for me, it's time for a summer break! I'll be taking some well-deserved rest and relaxation. But don't worry, we still have one more episode coming up next week. And fear not, I'll be back in September when the new school year begins.

Before I wrap up, I want to express my sincere gratitude to each and every one of you for listening and sharing. Your support means the world to me. So, please, let me know your thoughts on today's episode and any other topics you'd like me to explore. I truly value your comments and reviews.

Enjoy your summer, and I'll catch up with you soon!

Warmest regards,

Toks

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I recently had a fantastic time hosting a fun and casual conversation on my podcast with two amazing entrepreneurs, Amanda McKoy Flanagan and Ginny Olivia's-Smith. We got real and talked about the ups and downs of building businesses while being married with kids in beautiful Colorado.

We laughed and debunked the glamorous myth surrounding entrepreneurship. Instead of luxury, we highlighted the non-stop work, sleepless nights, and sheer dedication required for success. It's definitely not all glitz and glamour!

One of the highlights was our discussion on finding the balance between work and family life. As fellow moms and business owners, Amanda and Ginny shared their experiences and practical tips for juggling it all. It's no easy feat, but they reminded us that thriving in both realms is possible.

We also celebrated Amanda's latest achievement—the release of her book!

Hosting Amanda and Ginny was an absolute blast. We created a warm, welcoming environment where their wisdom and camaraderie shone through. Together, we shared a lighthearted and uplifting conversation showcasing entrepreneurship's realities while leaving listeners feeling motivated and encouraged.

So join us for heartfelt discussions on love, loss, and connections. Amanda and Ginny bring their unique perspectives, making it a delightful and engaging experience for all. Get ready to be inspired and have some fun along the way!

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I truly believe everyone goes through their fair share of failures in life. It's part of being human, after all. But you know what's interesting? When we talk about our own stories, we often hold back and only share the highlights. Well, in this episode, I want to change that.

Let me take you on a journey through the extraordinary life of the iconic Rock Star, Tina Turner. Now, when you hear her name, two things probably come to mind: the rock music legend she is and her difficult marriage with Ike Turner.

But here's the thing: if you're going through something that has brought up feelings of shame in you, whether it was your fault or someone else's, this episode is for you. Because, let's face it, failure is something we all experience, yet we tend to shy away from discussing it openly. But your story, my friend, is worth telling.

Your Rock Star Story is the beautiful tapestry of your life, with its ups, downs, regrets, and victories. It's about viewing yourself as a winner, even in the face of adversity. And guess what? It doesn't end with where you are today. No, it continues into the future that you've envisioned for yourself. Your story is a testament to the fact that despite everything, you've emerged victorious. But here's the catch: you have to write it.

So, why should you rewrite your story in its rock star version? Here are three compelling reasons:

To embrace and overcome shame: Shame has a sneaky way of making us hide the parts of our story that make us cringe. But it's precisely those parts that hold the key to your breakthrough and can resonate with others who have experienced similar struggles. The world craves human connection, and telling your story allows you to take back the power of your narrative and hold it firmly in your own hands.
To unleash your confidence: By rewriting your story, you'll unleash a newfound confidence to show up as your authentic self. No more picking and choosing which parts to bring to the table based on who's listening. You get to be unapologetically you, and that's where your true strength lies.
To rediscover yourself: Through this process, you'll see yourself in a different light. You'll recognize your own strength, resilience, and capabilities. It's time to let go of the notion that you're weak or a failure. You are so much more than that, my friend.

Once you're done listening to this podcast episode, grab a pen and paper. Start writing your story, your rock star journey. And hey, if you're interested, I'd love for you to join me in a Rock Star Story workshop. It's an opportunity to dive deeper into this process and connect with others who are rewriting their own stories. You can find all the details here:

Remember, your story matters. So let's embrace it, rewrite it, and rock it out together!

Resources:

VIA Strengths Finder Test

Rock Star Story Workshop

www.toksaruoture.com

pa@toksaruoture.com

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Sometimes, the most challenging circumstances can pave the way for extraordinary opportunities. Join us on a remarkable episode of Living Inside Out with Lisa Raynes as we uncover her journey of transforming adversity into positive change and fostering a supportive environment for women in the architectural field.

In this captivating episode, we delve into Lisa's architectural journey, the establishment of Raynes Architecture, and the groundbreaking creation of the Pride Road Franchise. Explore the empowering approaches she has taken to revolutionize the industry, despite the hurdles of recession, sexism, and other issues.

Be prepared to be inspired as Lisa shares her insights and experiences, guiding you on a path to finding your own balance and thriving as a professional in your own field. Don't miss out on this opportunity to gain invaluable wisdom and perspective.

To learn more about Lisa Raynes and the transformative Pride Road Franchise, visit the official website at www.Prideroadfranchise.co.uk. Get ready to embark on a journey of empowerment and discover the endless possibilities that lie ahead.

Resources

Pride Road Architects

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When I became a mum, I was hit with the sobering realisation that I was now responsible for the direction an entire human would take. It was heavy. The truth is, I had been accountable for my life for many years before then. When making decisions, we can go in one of three directions; throw caution to the wind and go for it, contemplate and consider all possibilities; or do nothing.

Relying on our feelings to decide for us is easy but irresponsible because emotions, though incredibly powerful and convincing, also make bad rulers.

In this episode, we explore three ways our emotions can sabotage our journey when they come into the picture.

Sitting and waiting for everything to be perfect
Relying on the physical or emotional for inspiration.
Using past successes as a measure of our capability.

As always, I draw examples from my journey; I hope you are inspired sufficiently to explore how you make decisions🙂

Resources:

Rubber hand sensory experiment

Past episode references:

80 Turning Pain into Purpose with Ashley Randolph

76 Comfort: Thief of Destinies

75 Making Peace with Trials

74 The Journey of a Tenacious Entrepreneur with Sherri Blum

72 How to Build Resilience

Growth

The Mindset Mentoring programme runs twice a year. Every dream you have for yourself is valid. God gave you the vision. He also equipped you with everything you need to manifest it physically. Join me on an exciting journey to Get Unstuck through mindset mentoring as we peel back the layers that have camouflaged your gifts and then gain the clarity you need to use them to propel forward. Spaces are limited as we run the course in small groups.

Start Date: 24th June 2023

Duration: Six Weeks

Cost £1299 per person

Let's Connect:

Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don't you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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This is a special episode, as it is our 80th one, but made even more special by my guest, a Rock Star, Ashley Randolph. Ashley is the founder of Glo Preemies and Co-Founder of the Alliance for Black NICU Families.

And she is a ROCK STAR because she turned her challenges, literally into a purpose. I believe purpose must tick three boxes:
1. Glorify God.
2. Help others.
3. Grow you in the process.

Ashley takes us on a journey that begins with her desire to become a doctor, getting into pre-medical school and then getting pregnant and dropping out at the age of 21. Normally, that's enough to cause one to imagine the challenges she must have gone through. Normally, she'd be a statistic- young, single girl gets pregnant, dreams die. Normally, we wouldn't even know her name.

But this Rock Star went on to get married, have three babies all pre-term, experience the shortcomings of the medical care system and still come out on top. Today, she uses her experiences to empower and encourage families who are going through or have gone through what she did.

My hope is that as you listen, you will be inspired to rewrite your story, so that your pain becomes your purpose. Enjoy!

Resources:

Ashley's IG: @glopreemiesfounder
Website: www.GLOPreemies.org
Other Social Media Platforms: Glo Preemies

The Mindset Mentoring programme runs twice a year. Every dream you have for yourself is valid. God gave you the vision. He also equipped you with everything you need to manifest it physically. Join me on an exciting journey to Get Unstuck through Mindset Mentoring as we peel back the layers that have camouflaged your gifts and then gain the clarity you need to use them to propel forward. Spaces are limited as we run the course in small groups.

Start Date: 24th June 2023
Duration: Six Weeks
Cost £1299 per person

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This episode is for you if you've ever felt stuck and unable to move forward- despite knowing you should. We often hear about mindsets and limiting beliefs, but what does that mean?

First, you have to understand where your mind sits in the process of manifesting ideas. Your mind is sandwiched between your spirit and your body. Ideas and pictures from your spirit are fed into your mind; you then process and pass them to your body as an instruction to take action. The trouble starts when an interruption or blockage stops you from manifesting or acting on your idea. It can be as apparent as the fear of failure or as complex as your view of the world based on childhood experiences; anything that interrupts the flow as it makes its way from your mind into the outer world is a limiting belief.

Everyone has a mindset, and how they interact with the world can be positive or negative, yet they are often subtle. In this exciting episode, I pull out two modules from my ongoing course, Get Unstuck: A Mindset Mentoring Program.

Introspection- the practice of looking inside yourself or self-reflection. One of our mantras is the inside is superior to the outside. If you want to change the results you see, you must begin internally because our lives reflect our thoughts. This module teaches about the necessity to contemplate, the wrong and right ways to do so and how to utilise what we discover for our growth.
Lies we believe- The subtle lies that are on the surface harmless but manage to hold us back. Lies, such as expecting your current challenge to follow the pattern of the previous one or that your unfavourable circumstance means you are on the wrong path.

The Mindset Mentoring programme runs twice a year. Every dream you have for yourself is valid. God gave you the vision. He also equipped you with everything you need to manifest it physically. Join me on an exciting journey to Get Unstuck through Mindset Mentoring as we peel back the layers that have camouflaged your gifts and then gain the clarity you need to use them to propel forward. Spaces are limited as we run the course in small groups.

Start Date: 24th June 2023

Duration: Six Weeks

Cost £1299 per person

Let's Connect:

Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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How can comfort, you might ask, be the thief of anyone's destiny? Shouldn't we be moving more towards rest and protecting our mental health?

Hear me out... Somehow, some time ago, we were led to believe we must stop to correct every wrong and stoop to straighten every curve. But what if the way to the smooth is through the rough?

Recent experiences led me to Make Peace with my Trials., episode #75, and also recognise the benefits of trials and using them to build resilience, Episode 76. I used the story of Andrew Ly, the founder of Sugarbowl Bakery, to show how an immigrant mindset can help us propel forward.

Last week, we launched our newest baby crib in Harrods, the most famous department store in the world. But amid such exciting news, I was also weathering a different storm, so much so that I almost let the opportunity slip. Because comfort and relief were more appealing than walking through the fire

The danger of seeking comfort amid challenges is that you may give all your time, energy and space to the problem and miss the opportunity to move forward.

Listen to the full episode to uncover the dangers of seeking comfort. It is possible to grow through the storm, but many of us prefer to stop and tend to the problems.

Get Unstuck is back! My mindset mentoring course is designed to help you recognise and remove limiting beliefs. I know first-hand the difference a new mindset makes. I learned the hard way that I can only change what I see and experience by working on my inside, to yield an external result. I invite you to go on this six-week journey with me and develop a new mindset, ready to create extraordinary results. With a small fee, you can sign up and be transformed, ready to walk through the fire if needed, so you can manifest the picture you are carrying. Spaces are limited to six attendees; read more or send an email to pa@toksaruoture.comhttps://toksaruoture.com/get-unstuck-mentoring-course/

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In this Episode we compare two mentalities, the one who recognizes pain as part of the process and the one who expect no pain, and still, success.

The Immigrant Mentality used to have negative connotations until people started to take note that they worked incredibly hard, were unfazed by difficulties and ran successful businesses. Contrast that to indigenes who have higher expectations of success, with less effort; the goal of many indigenous people is comfort. Our paths are dotted with obstacles and wins, but if we are aiming for comfort, chances are that is what we'll work towards. Episode 75 teaches us how to make peace with trials; because rejecting and vilifying our problems will keep us stuck as we fight to change it into our preferred scenario.

The pain of sacrifice is the currency used to purchase our dreams. If you are not prepared to pay, you will not receive the goods. Don't make the mistake of thinking hardship is the same as sacrifice. You can go through hardship due to ignorance, laziness, complacency. procrastination and the likes and sit still waiting for it to end. That is not sacrifice. That is the consequence. Let's Connect:Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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Trials. Difficulties. Challenges. It's all the same. Many of us define our lives by seasons; for example, we name a season difficult when things are not going as planned. In this landmark episode, #75, I share a lesson I am currently learning- making peace with trials. Episode 72, How to Build Resilience, formed the foundation of this lesson. If you are going to accept what you cannot change, and embrace your life in its entirety, you must first learn how to be resilient. Making peace with difficult situations does not mean embracing or expecting a life wrought with challenges. It means recognising that this is a normal part of life and you are equipped o handle it. Life is a journey and not a destination. Treating your life as a destination will lead you to:1. Build an altar to the problem and worship it- and you'll give all your attention to it while forgetting to live life. 2. Fail to see the good in your life- except when you compare your situation to others experiencing a 'worse' pain. 3. Struggle to have constant joy or peace- peace should be the foundation from which you operate; without it, your efforts will be inconsistent.

Making peace with the challenges in your life allows you to operate and progress through the pain instead of waiting for it to be over, thereby placing your life on hold. Remember that life still goes on even if you press the pause button. ResourcesI have been interviewing some phenomenal women, and you can catch them all on Living Inside Out, YouTube: Beverly Adaeze: Living AuthenticallyCelia Toks: Raising Teens with IntentionKiki Jolugbo: Raising Our Boys with IntentionSherri Blum: The Journey of a Tenacious Entrepreneur I love hearing true stories of life and business because when I sought such stories of successful businesswomen, they were hard to come by. Authentic stories are inspiring and permit us to live the way God created us to and tell our stories so others can be blessed. Know someone with an intriguing journey? Please send them my way but dropping a note here https://toksaruoture.com/contact/ Let's Connect:Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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One of life's most outstanding teachers is experience, and experience tells us that nothing is certain- someone famously added, except death and taxes. Learning to accept the things you cannot change is one thing. Having the courage to evolve from your challenges is quite another. When running a business, we must be prepared to expect surprises; it is never a straightforward journey. You have to deal with layers, and you rarely get the opportunity to deal with one thing at a time. There are mindsets to explore, thoughts to dissect and obstacles to navigate- and let's not forget to add multiple expert opinions you have to wade through. I chat with my dear friend and sister, Sherri Blum, in this episode. Sherri has mastered reinventing herself when life's curveballs come hurtling at her. She is a mum, wife, and serial entrepreneur and just a beautiful soul, inside and out. We chat about life, business, family and more in this episode. Have your pen and paper handy to take notes! About Sherri Blum:Sherri Blum has an extensive background in design, art and marketing which began over 25 years ago when she pioneered the field of nursery interior design. Sherri became a nationally renowned designer and artist through her firm, Jack and Jill Interiors, Inc. Her designs and line of custom children’s artwork quickly became a favourite among celebrities such as The Cake Boss, Buddy Valastro, Mario Lopez, Jodie Sweetin, Tori Spelling, Angela Kinsey, John O’Hurley andmore. Her designs were featured on HGTV, People Magazine, In Touch Magazine, OK Magazine, Extra TV, The Wall Street Journal and more.

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Raising our teens today in this digital age can be quite challenging, but Celia shows the world that it can be beautiful and fun. Chances are that you have had someone say something negative about raising teenagers.

Every generation is different and has to navigate the world in a way the previous one didn't. In this episode, I chat with Celia Toks and her adorable teenage daughters about how there are navigating their world. Lizzie and Rachel's maturity, authenticity and innocence are admirable, and their relationship with their mother is beautiful.

I took away many gems from our conversations like we don't have to parent in a cookie-cutter fashion; you can be authentically you and still win. The best way to raise our children is to raise them as we want to, not as a society, culture, or family history dictates.

You can watch the episode on YouTube to see their beautiful faces :D

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One thing we know is that trials have a clarifying effect on us. Things start to make sense, solutions to long-ago problems emerge, and we create new resolutions. But this only happens if you have a mindset of expectancy, one that is looking for precious gems. And we can only get into that mental space if we are resilient. In this episode, I share some tips on building your resilience. If it has ever made logical sense for you to quit- but you didn't,t, that was your muscle of strength being strengthened.

Agree with yourself not to quit. If you do, it will be easier to make sense of the season, and stopping will be logical. You don't just become resilient during failure; you decide ahead of time to get up and thrive if and when you fail.
Look for reasons to keep going. If you have been listening to this podcast, you'd have heard me say your path is sprinkled with the resources you need to keep going; inside you are your gifts, and all around you are the resources. But you will also find reasons to give up on your path. And because of our natural aversion to pain and discomfort, the reasons to stop will be more obvious. Please keep your eyes searching for reasons to keep going, then grab it with both hands when you find them.
Globalise your pain. You are not the only one going through challenges. Setting up your pain against the backdrop of the world will do two things. -You will recognise just how blessed you are because there's always someone going through something you know you can't even handle, and you will get on with living as you realise you aren't the only one going through this challenge. And this is life.

We seek comfort, not pain. It is the desire of most people to be comfortable. We rank convenience over purpose, and when given the option, most of us will choose comfort if chasing the ideal is difficult. The more willing we are, the more opportunity we will get to practice resilience.

Resources:

Who moved my Cheese

Living Inside Out Courses

Living Inside Out Newsletter

Who Moved My Cheese? : An Amazing Way to Deal With Change in Your Work and in Your Life

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Meet Kiki! She is on a mission to see the male child raised into world-class leaders, while encouraging a healthy relationship between fathers and their sons.

As a mum to four boys, I subscribe wholeheartedly to this mission. I believe girls should be empowered, but Kiki says this has translated to the empowerment of our sons being ignored. Listen and let's chat about this on social- @toksaruoture

Connect with Kiki: https://etf-staging.london.cloudapps.digital/

Registration link for the Naomi's Tribe event - https://www.bukolajolugbo.com/naomis-tribe/ use the code TOKS to get an exclusive discount fo living Inside Out listeners.

https://www.instagram.com/kikiboysmama/

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Does it feel like we, the citizens of the world, can't catch a break? In this episode, I share three steps for navigating uncertainty. The world has been shifted out of its comfort zone, and many of us feel unsettled, unsure and unwilling to accept that this season may be here to stay. From the pandemic and lockdown to talks of a financial crisis which kept us on edge, waiting for the axe to fall, to the war in Ukraine, rising energy prices, cost of living situation and a massive earthquake that has killed tens of thousands and displaced thousands more. Accepting change is difficult, especially when we prefer the former reality. It doesn't make sense that things turned bad on their own accord. But we can't fight nature. Acceptance does not mean giving up; it means recognising that the change may be here to stay and you are equipped to adjust your sails. But to navigate your new environment, you need space. Space to make mistakes and learn, because you will take a wrong turn or two. You also need grace so you do not prejudge yourself, you need space to think, to feel, to grow and to move. Only after you have accepted your new reality can you then redesign your life, or your path so that your goals are still realised. For that to happen, understand that the destination was never in question, but sometimes the vehicle breaks down and we have to get into another car. And that's okay. ResourcesCanva- for vision boardsGet Unstuck: Mindset Mentoring Let's Connect:Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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I sit down for a tete-a-tete with the beautiful Beverly Adaeze, content creator, lifestyle, beauty and travel influencer.

We chat about growing up, African parenting (of course!), life as a content creator, and our shared affection for fried plantains! Oh, and why did she move to Columbia? Plus, our Christian Faith.

Is there someone inspiring you'd like to see featured on Living Inside Out? Drop an email to pa@toksaruoture.com, and we'll make it happen!

And if you haven't, please Subscribe, Like and Share, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this episode! Also, leave a comment below to let me know if the topics mentioned have found their way into your life.

Let's Connect: INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, LINKEDIN, TWITTER @toksaruoture

Ask me Anything: toks@toksaruoture.com

PODCAST: LIVING INSIDE OUT WITH TOKS https://bit.ly/3nH2oh5 Living Inside Out Podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcast, iHeart Radio, Google Podcasts, Castbox, etc.

Everything else: www.toksaruoture.com

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g if your new year resolutions will last?

It's the start of 2023, and we are surrounded by more inspiration and motivation than ever. It would appear, actually, that we are in an incubator, and you may be feeling unbelievably optimistic. Or perhaps you feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable as you struggle and fail to get into the new year, new me vibe. If that's you, you're not alone.

There are some obvious reasons why new year resolutions fail. New Year resolutions often fail because of a lack of motivation, planning, and accountability. Setting big goals at the beginning of the year can be easy, but without a plan for achieving them and someone to hold you accountable, it can be challenging to stay on track. Additionally, it can be easy to forget or get distracted if you don't have a solid motivation to make the resolution happen. To increase your chances of success, create a specific plan with achievable, measurable goals and find an accountability partner who can help you stay on track.

But some mindsets can set you up to fail, even with meticulous planning and intrinsic motivation.

In this episode, I highlight why new year's resolutions don't stick. Past failures may be responsible for your reluctance to set new goals if you are wondering, and I share reasons you might want to step back from all the goodness of motivational gurus, at least for now.

I want to avoid motivation overwhelm. Too much food, even when healthy and delicious, will leave you feeling uncomfortable and unable to enjoy the benefits.
You risk embracing solutions to a problem you don't have;' this will lead you to subconsciously create the problem, so the solution you adopted will be effective.

As usual, I share stories from my life; I hope you will leave this episode feeling less burdened, less overwhelmed and with no judgment on how you have chosen to navigate this season and set your new year resolutions.

Resources:

Resources

The Temptation of Eve

Get Unstuck in 2023

Let's Connect:

Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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Has your dream taken a detour?

Dreams and visions are invisible, a preview of what is to come, but how can you ensure they manifest as a physical reality? In this episode, I share a powerful concept that God taught me to believe in and manifest my dreams. Too many of us embark on a path with joy and certainty only to give up halfway because the journey does not resemble what we imagined. We often translate rejection to mean it isn't possible; we call it the end of the road when it is a pause.

My goal with this episode is to help you understand that you straddle across three realms, the spiritual, the emotional and the physical. And the causal space is spiritual. I want you to know that the bulk of your dreams lies in that realm, which is why it is invisible. I want you to leave knowing that being able to imagine, desire and plan towards it is all the evidence you need that it is already a done deal.

As usual, I use examples from my life where I have put this life principle to practice- and had the exact results I was hoping for. This happened even after I got rejected more than once.

Your inside is superior to your outside. We will achieve much more when we pay more attention to the invisible causal realm instead of toying around with the physical and temporal environment. Be a creator of unseen realities, not a rearranger of the seen and expired.

Resources:

Get Unstuck: A Mindset Mentoring Course

Write Your Rockstar Story Workshop

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You know what it's like to discover somebody whose life inspires you greatly? And you are so moved by them that their life becomes your classroom.

In addition, these are not necessarily motivational speakers who speak and share their knowledge; these are people whose existence in themselves is a lesson for all. In this episode, I share some people who have impacted my life simply by living theirs.

I believe our lives should be a classroom to others; that role isn't reserved only for celebrated people. The people in your life today should be blessed because they crossed your path. And you must leave a legacy behind for generations to learn from. I believe we all have that responsibility.

I also tell you why I am motivated to propel forward by this Patrick Overton quote:

When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on - or you will be taught how to fly.

Patrick Overton

Resources Concepts World Valorie Burton Get Unstuck in 2023

Let's Connect: Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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To understand where you stand today and how you got there, you've got to know where you've been. In this episode, I catch you up on the last three months; I have been on hiatus for that long. It has been a trying season, and while I am still physically in that space of lesson learning, challenges, mentally, I have departed, which is good.

Our difficulties come to teach and stretch us. I believe they come to push us to increase our capacity for learning more, living more and being more of who God created us to be. This season has delivered well.

Do you work hard to plant and nurture- and forget to pick your fruit? I have been reciting the scripture "I will bear fruit in each season", but what's interesting is how often I have planted, nurtured, and borne fruit but not actually picked it. There is something oddly satisfying about knowing you have potential or opportunity but not utilising it. Sometimes it's because you feel once it's used up, you'll have nothing to look forward to. Does that make sense? I know I have lived that lie. At other times we hold back from picking fruit because the possibility of ownership brings us more satisfaction than the striving to own. So after you have worked hard, you don't cash that cheque and instead hold on to it- which doesn't make sense, but we do it. I am reminded of the former baseball player Ricky Henderson who received a signing bonus of $1 million. The accounting office for Oakland Athletics called him as they noticed an inconsistency in their books. The cheque hadn't been cashed, and when Henderson was asked why, he said he had framed it. He didn't know he had to actually cash it.

But you see, cheques often have an expiry date. In the UK, it says valid within three months. And if you choose to remain in the place of possibilities, your fruit will die while still hanging on the tree.

New friends, New traits One of the lessons I have learned this season, while still blowing my mind, is how being in a different circle can expose you to your own character traits. That's been the case with me. As my network expands, I have seen tendencies about myself that I have been shocked by, and I have had to address them. And this again buttresses my point about how challenges come to teach us- I am learning more about myself and my detrimental tendencies.

Mindset Mentoring update In other news, my mentoring program is going amazingly well! The programme comprises a mix of live zoom calls, daily thoughts to ponder, activities and in-person meetings with good food (of course!). Here are some of the comments I've received so far:

"Thank you, Toks, for sharing real wisdom, and being able to see your vision was such a blessing."

"I really enjoyed yesterday's session. I've been thinking about it thought out the day learning how to listen to myself and my own voice and trying to realise it's also part of self-care as well taking time to listen to myself is self-care."

"I am so hopeful that before the end of this master program we will have more clarity, our mindset would have shifted more (I'm already in a reset mode after yesterday's session ) and ready to do exploits 🙏🏿💖. I can't wait for our next session"

If you wanted to join in but missed the opportunity, you can do so next year. Send me a message to let me know. When the books are open again for registration, I'll alert you. Till next time, remember to live from the inside out!

Resources: From the Basement Up Podcast: Toks Aruoture- The Baby Cot Shop

Affirmation: Like a tree that bears fruit Jeremiah 17:7-8

Get Unstuck: Mindset Mentoring Programme

Let's Connect: Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don't you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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Down memory lane has many benefits, but only if you know to navigate your way to the right spots. There are gems hidden in the dark places we left behind. We shy away from going back there because of the painful memories, but do you know that you displayed incredible strength in that space? How else would you have been here to tell the tale? Yes, it was hard, but you survived. Yes, it was dark, but you found your way out. You never want to experience it again, but you did. And you're here; scarred? Maybe, but alive. In this episode, I share my experience of going back to one of the darkest periods of my life, and I uncover some personality traits that I buried, along with the experience. I intend to get you to do the same. Storms transform us into better versions of ourselves- but only if we submit to the change process. Some of the gems I uncovered include: Courage isn't a feeling. It's a decision you take amid fear. It is counter-logical but do it anyway. Authenticity; is the practice of being yourself and showing up as you- even when the world would prefer a different version. Show up anyway. Raised Expectations; raise your expectations to meet God's promise for you; don't lower them to agree with your present circumstances. I also shared tips on how to hope again when all hope is lost. I pray this episode fulfils my intention for it, which is to help you propel onto the next phase of your life, whatever that looks like, with confidence that God has got you. Resources: Finish Strong: Your Foundation for Starting Next Year Well Get Unstuck: Mindset Mentoring Programme The Simplifiers Podcast: How to Adopt a Healthy Mindset Let's Connect: Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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No doubt you have heard and perhaps used the adage, Seeing is believing. This suggests that you cannot deny what you can physically see. It also means that if you can't see it, it doesn't exist. In this episode, I challenge you to reverse that thinking; you see what you believe. The unseen world is superior to the seen; everything we see today started in the mind- either in the mind of the Creator or in the mind of man, the creator. Every painting we see and admire was first completed in the mind of the artist before he represented it on canvas. Your shoes and clothes existed first in the designer's mind before they fashioned what only they could see into the physical versions. It follows then that if you want to manifest an idea hidden in your mind, you must believe it is real and worthy of being embodied. We tend to only give our time and effort to what we can see- because we deem that real. But that demotes you from creator to arranger. You are simply rearranging other people's creation and not manifesting any of yours. As always, I draw examples from my experiences which form the basis of the lessons shared to help you take a step of faith. Resources: The Simplifiers Podcast: How to Adopt a Healthy Mindset The Call of Abram: Genesis 12 Joshua’s Installation Joshua Get Unstuck: Mindset Mentoring Programme Let's Connect: Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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The Middle Ground. The Neutral Zone. Mediocrity. In this episode, I share my thoughts on what mediocrity looks like. Because it can show up looking like ambition. Years ago, after losing everything, I went from aiming for the stars to aiming for normalcy. The story of the temptation of Eve in the Bible forms the backdrop for this episode as I recently found myself on shaky ground. And I needed to uncover how I got from being so certain about my future to questioning everything around me. Eve had it all made! Her life and marriage were figured out; what about that conversation with a serpent that caused her to throw it away? She ended up in the middle ground. The space between where she used to be and where she was headed. And in that middle ground, you can fall to the left or right in that middle ground. Mediocrity will have you thinking you are advancing because you are no longer where you need to be. We say the sun rises and sets when it is stationary; the earth moves. Likewise, you could be stationary, and the world's movement will have you thinking you are flourishing. As always, I use examples from my life, from the season when I decided to settle in no man's land because it was more comfortable than where I used to be. Affirmation: My expectation is for better, not worse. Success, not failure. Completion, not abandoned projects. Excellence, not mediocrity. I am getting better and better as a... Insert Role (woman, as a mum, as a wife, as a business owner, as a friend, as a daughter). I am getting better as a person. Resources: The Temptation: Genesis Chapter 3 Affirmation: Proverbs 4:18 Get Unstuck: Mindset Mentoring Programme Let's Connect: Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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In this episode, we carry on from last week, reviewing powerful lessons learned this year. Lessons are like breadcrumbs that show you the way forward; if you don't learn them, you'll soon find yourself going through the same challenge again. April: I learned that taking action in one area often results in a blessing being released in another. We tend to plant a seed and watch for it to grow on the same spot. There are times that the tree sprouts up somewhere else; this means we should not stand on the same spot looking for fruit but instead go about our business, and the investment will yield results later. May: In the month of May was all about recognising and picking up the pieces of your dreams. If you take the time to study the picture of your future, you will identify the pieces as you journey on. Cultivate a mindset of awareness- certainty that all around you lies the resources you need for your journey. Awareness stops you from chasing the bag, conserves energy, and keeps you on the right path. June: Knowledge vs Wisdom As we age, we will acquire knowledge, but there is a level of growth some of us will not experience because it lies on the other side of pain. Everyone talks about and expects progress. There is a steady progression that occurs daily. Even if we don't make any effort at all, we are changing. We are getting older. We are gaining life experiences. But don't mistake ageing for evolving. Knowledge is information from the outside, while wisdom produces truth from the inside. Wisdom is applied knowledge at the risk of discomfort to self. You can acquire knowledge but cannot be taught wisdom; it requires self-sacrifice, experience and a heart that seeks it. Listen to the full episode and let me know your thoughts.

Let’s connect on Instagram; I have begun a series of lives with female business owners because experience is a great teacher- but it isn't the only teacher. You can watch the replay on my @toksaruoture with Alexandra Baldi, the founder of Compass Chelsea. And if this episode has inspired you, i.e. led you to do some thinking, make some decisions and even better, act on it, get some more inspiration from Youtube.com/Toksaruoture Don't forget to like, share and subscribe to this podcast and, of course, to my YouTube channel. References: Afefeyeye Restaurant

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We are officially in the second half of 2022, and in this landmark Episode #60, I look back at the year thus far. I believe life is jam-packed with lessons, and those lessons come to help us navigate the onward journey. So I thought I'd bring you into my sacred space, my journal, to see some life-changing lessons that didn't make it into the podcast- or my social media platforms. If living inside out was a book, this episode is what lies between the lines 😁 Some of the gems I share include: 1. Understanding the power of single dimension decisions- the seemingly small everyday tasks gave the power to create the life we want or keep us stagnant. 2. Learning to doubt your doubts: Some thoughts come to inform us, but the information isn't necessarily an instruction. 3. You are constantly faced with two choices, to go for what you desire or to quench the desire itself 4. Know that the human spirit is dynamic, not fixed. You are constantly evolving to become the person capable of fulfilling your unique purpose. So even when it looks impossible, don't accept it. Believe you can and allow God to mould you into the person who did. 5. Use mindset tools to get you out of a rut, such as recalling the fantastic things you have done. This helps you to recognise your abilities when challenges conceal them.

Next week we will continue with more lessons learned in the year's first half.

Mark your calendar: My much-awaited programme, Get Unstuck, launches at the start of the school year, on the 15th of September. Registration will open on the 30th of July, with minimal spaces. Get Unstuck is my unique system for exposing the mindsets that are holding you back because everyone has a desire to excel, but not everyone will live their best life. Mainly because we place more emphasis on doing than we do on becoming; much activity keeps you busy but not necessarily productive. Our actions are sparked by emotions, which our thoughts birth. So if you want to change the outcome, you must work backwards to unearth your thoughts. Now because I have had more requests for mentoring than I can physically accept, I will include free mentoring in the package. I have over 19 years of business experience, and there is nothing that will surprise me about running a business. I am also in my final year of being in my forties, so I come with a bucketload of life experiences too. Head to toksaruoture.com to join my mailing list- or send me a DM. Are we connected? To the max? 😁

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Everyone talks about going for your dreams, don’t hold back, being resilient, etc. these are well-meaning phrases repeated by motivational gurus, but just how easy is it to go for your dreams? We can all agree resilience is necessary if we are to keep going, but how do we build strength when we get knocked down before we can stand straight up again? By having a non-negotiable why. In this episode, I share how having a non-negotiable why can override all the reasons to give up. The power released each time you look at your ‘why’ infuses you with the strength to either begin again or keep going. As always, I draw examples from my life and Eric Thomas and Lisa Nichols, two well-loved motivational speakers who have generously shared their personal stories over the years. I hope that by the end of this inspiring episode, you’d have unearthed powerful reasons to produce fruit from the seeds God planted within you. Announcement: I'll be opening up a much-needed programme soon, where I will be working with a few people to transform through a change in their mindset. Send me a DM or email if you'd like to know more. Resources Ep #25 Evidence-Based Living Eric Thomas Lisa Nichols Let's Connect: Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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In this Episode, I take you back in time to my early days in business; because the good stuff is always readily available to see. Let's face it, I am more likely to post a link of a press interview that shows me in a good light, than I am if the article said some not so nice things about me. Life, business is hard. This isn't just a cliche but a statement of fact. But just because it's true does not mean we should embrace the opportunity to quit when it shows up. I have had many of those, some I accepted, others I was able to turn my back on and keep moving. Is there a secret to why people press on when they should quit? I think so. But I believe that the secret applies to that individual only; which is why we must take time to listen to what our soul is saying. Your path is unique and the answers to the challenges you meet are unique to you. Growth is painful, yet it is pain that builds resilience. You need resilience to get up when you fall- and to try again when you fail. Listen to this inspiring episode and let me know your thoughts! Resources Ep #54: Recognising The Pieces of Your Dreams Amazing Massage: Saeng Jan Thai Spa http://saengjanthaispa.co.uk Let's Connect: Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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In this episode, I share my thoughts on taking ownership of three areas of your life that can place you in the driving seat of your life. No one likes pain and disappointments; no one wants to be the bearer of mistakes. If we could choose, I'm sure we'd choose the good, the pleasant all the time, or at least more often than we currently experience it. I believe life is a balance between pleasant and unpleasant, easy and difficult, predictable and surprising. And balance does not mean equal parts; it simply means we swing from one end to the other and find ourselves somewhere between both extremes. Being able to embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly in our lives is a skill we must develop to direct the course of our lives. Own Your Mistakes if you can take responsibility and not shift blame or look for anyone or circumstance to blame, you will have mastery over the trajectory of your life. Because fault gives power to the thing you are according Own Your Emotions Our environments or circumstances feed our thoughts, and thoughts spark emotions, while emotions lead to actions which creates the environment that provides our thoughts. So if you do not own your feelings, you don't own the circumstances you find yourself in, which means you cannot actively change them. You will remain in a cycle of trial and error, hope and disappointment. Own Your Results It follows from the previous point that by owning your environment, which feeds your thoughts and ultimately leads you to take action, you are responsible for the results of your effort. A faultfinder sees the challenges and blames them, while one who takes ownership recognises them and carries on despite them. The joy of owning your environment and your life- the good, the bad and the ugly means you are on the right side of the soil. You are here, in our beautiful, though the fallen world. It's all yours to utilise and enjoy. Connect Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don't you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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Years ago, I learned to stop searching for the exit door whenever I found myself in a dark place. I considered the possibility of there being a lesson, a hidden gem and I was supposed to find it. I believe every challenge comes to teach us something, and we will learn the lesson when we stop running and start seeking. In this episode, I share the mindsets to adopt when going through the fire to come away wiser so you do not waste the trial. I use the promise God gave to Abraham that everywhere the soles of his feet shall tread upon belonged to him. The land had healthy trees that bore delicious fruit; it flowed with milk and honey and thorns and thistles, as is the case with all land. But it all belonged to Abraham to do what he wanted with it. 1. Have a mindset of ownership- understand that the entirety of your life is yours, including the ugly and the bad. This mindset allows you to embrace and use the challenge as a tool and not see it as a burden you have to escape from 2. Pray for progress, not relief- it is possible to use the pain as payment for a future gain. Instead of seeking relief, allow the pain to be your investment for the wisdom and liberation that you'll later receive. 3. Is not life more than food? You are made up of many layers and facets. Don't exalt this momentary trouble to a god-like status and worship it. There is so much more to you than this minuscule situation. 4. Employ both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation- There will be times you cannot sufficiently move yourself into action; in those moments, look around you ad use whatever you find as a tool to motivate you. It is your land, after all.

Resources: Evolving through pain: Episode #45 Living Inside Out Le Shuttle Matthew 6:25: Is not life more than food? “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Chelsea in Bloom 23rd - 28th May Connect Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

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Have you ever been in a place where you are clear on what you want, but unseen forces seem to stop you from achieving it? In this episode, we look at how our response to our emotions can determine whether or not we manifest our dreams. Once you have a clear picture of where you are headed, and you can get yourself to believe that the picture is valid and you deserve to enjoy it, you now need to recognise the hindrances that can stop you, and I share these three: 1. your reluctance to experience pain- has the threat. of pain stopped you in your path? 2. Staying in your feelings- Indulgent emotions feel good but are bad for you 3. Being led by your emotions- Emotions are powerful but make bad leaders

As always, I pull out examples from my life to show you how these barriers have shown up in my life. I hope you will recognise your dreams' limitations and take preemptive action. Resources: Joy or Pain: Emotional Decision Making- Episode 6, Living Inside Out When Life Stops- A podcast on grief Connect Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out

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Did you know that the pieces of your dream are scattered on your path? Signposts and suggestions, directions and instructions, are all snippets or at least indications of the complete picture of your life, and as you journey, you are meant to pick them up. In this episode, I pull out lessons from the early days of running my business and how I learned to recognise the pieces of my imagined future. I believe that we are all designed with everything we need to manifest our hearts’ desires, but we pick up pieces that are not part of the picture because we are sensual beings. I faced many rejections, no doubt you have as well, and it is tempting to interpret a rejection of your request from individuals as the rejection of your dream by the world. Cultivating a habit of looking for the diamond in the rough will ensure these misinterpretations of events do not trip you up. Learn to find the lesson in the difficulty, as opposed to the nearest exit, so you can become suitably skilled to operate in that dream. My hope is that by the end of this episode, you will begin to cultivate the practice of recognising the parts of your future that are strewn around while also identifying the blockers that stop you from picking them up. Watch: I had the honour of being a guest on the maiden episode of Metamorphoo, a new talk show that tackles topics Christians tend to shy away from. Watch the replay Listen Check out this interesting episode where I talked about the sterility of ideas birthed from yours and the opinions of others. Just like hybrids Episode 4: Other people’s Opinions Connect Head to youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out

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"How well do you work under stress?"

This is a question asked during interviews, and if you answer in the affirmative, you score some brownie points.

In our society, working and living under stress is almost celebrated to the point where we question ourselves when life is going too smoothly.

In this episode, I share a discovery I made during my recent vacation; the possibility of living and growing from rest.

I believe our soul gravitates towards its most pressing need, while the body is drawn to the things that bring pleasure. If you desire tranquillity over much activity, you need to rest.

Rest does not have to be a separate, scheduled event. You can operate from a place of rest. Choose activities that move you to reflect so that your actions are sparked off by your internal GPS.

Because no points will be given for having a battered body. There are no awards for being the most exhausted either.

Benefits of Rest:

It kickstarts intrinsic motivation, leading to the desired destination. The flip side is being externally motivated. This may get you started but will not guarantee long term results. Because by quietening the noise all around you, you get to hear what really matters. The internal GPS.

Rest helps you notice what matters.

Rest reveals the elephant carved out of the rock, so you see an elephant when you look. Not a distorted rock. (Listen to hear the full illustration)

Rest alerts you to what you are feeding on.

When you extend the concept of rest to the amount and mix of information you ingest, you become aware of how much junk we are offered daily.

I am excited to hear your thoughts on this episode, and can I ask that you kindly share it with three people you believe will benefit from listening to it.

Also, please give it a five-star review wherever you're listening.

Resources: Head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out.

I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out

And finally, check out the Goal Achievers' Mastermind Group and join the waiting list for the next cohort.

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Cynicism is ugly. It will steal opportunities from you by whispering in your ear that the opportunity is here to take advantage of you. Your comfort zone's boundary line is made up of limiting beliefs holding hands in a circle. If you are going to break into new territory, you have got to confront such mindsets, cynicism is one of them. Cynicism is doubt or disbelief in the professed motives and goodness of others, and, by extension, in social and ethical norms and values. It is accompanied by mistrust, scorn and pessimism. Not only is this mindset a limiting one, it is ugly too. Cynicism leaves a bad smell wherever it goes and will cost you if you let it stay. * Have you had lost opportunities because you believed they were out to get you? * Have you lost out on relationships because you 'just knew' they were being insincere? * Do you find yourself scornful of others' joy when you're in a group?

These are just some of the traits of cynicism; episode #52 is all about how this practice will prevent you from propelling forward. Resources: Head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out And finally, check out the Goal Achievers' Mastermind Group which begins on the 5th of March 2022

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If like me you are feeling somewhat heavy from all the bleak news around, this episode is for you. There's a well-known saying that says a boat does not sink because of the water around it, it only sinks because of the water that gets inside it.

If we are going to thrive and fulfil the purpose we were created for, we've got to fortify our insides, while at the same time, making sure the water around us does not get inside us. I share three tips on how to do just that:

AffirmationsMake sure you are affirming a truth that's stronger than the lie that's inserting itself into your psyche.

Get a New Perspective

Talk to someone you trust and respect to help you describe what they see from their viewpoint. Often we only see one side of the picture because we are limited in our view. You'll be surprised that there are truths you have not yet considered, which will paint a more positive picture than the one you are seeing.

Slow Down We have a tendency to do more, be more and acquire more in response to when our world feels like it is lacking. We don't become more by adding to what we have, we become more by removing the excess baggage that's causing the overwhelm.

As usual, I pull out lessons and examples from my life and business to help you see where you need to make changes. Don't forget to subscribe to and review the Living Inside Out podcast.

In other news, visit Living Inside Out on YouTube! Here I hold a different type of conversation with you, with friends and with experts.

Head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe.

I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook Living Inside Out

I wish you a wonderful rest of the week, thank you for being you!

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In this 50th episode, I share three observations on the differences between an abundance and a poverty mindset. People who live with an unrestricted mentality as it relates to provision share some traits, three of which I discuss in this episode. Abundance is often associated with material wealth- especially by people who live sensually; i.e they experience and understand life primarily by their senses. But when you live from the inside out, you undertsand that principles that govern life are rarely superficial, they involve both the seen and the unseen realm. How has the abundance or poverty mindset showed up for you? 1. Lack relies on physical resources; Abundance relies on God's promises 2. The lack mindset wants it now; abundance is happy to wait 3. Lack takes at every opportunity- even when they don’t need it.

As usual I use examples from my experiences to underpin each point. Have you subscribed to my Youtube Channel? The first episode gives a summary of my business journey and the second is an overview with snippets of what I will be discussing. head to YouTube.com/toksaruoture and don't forget to like and share🙂 Let's connect Im on the major social media platforms and I'd love to connect with you! @toksaruoture, and if you'd like to join my friends' list so you can get behind the scenes and be inspired by even more life and business lessons :) I want to thank you most sincerely for helping to make my year complete. Your commitment to Living from the Inside out, your comments and questions and the feedback has really helped to keep me going. I pray 2022 will find you exploding into greatness as you resolve to live exactly as God intended for you to live. Happy new year!

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Episode #49 is packed with many gems. I am excited to share some more on the abundance mindset in this episode, following on from the previous one. To recap;

Abundance is a mindset. It is not the things you own
There's a difference between an abundance mindset and a lack or poverty mentality.
Poverty hides true wealth. And by this, I mean your mind and body can only accommodate so much. By freeing up some of the good but useless stuff, you have room for the better. But even more importantly, poverty covers the seeds you would have planted to yield good fruit.

While it is helpful to learn about abundance, it is even more important to practice it. The reason we adopt healthy mindsets is so that we can live healthy lives. Creating an abundance mindset will lead to you living in abundance. We consist of spirit, soul, and body. Many people focus only on the physical form of wealth, the part that our senses perceive; that's what we tend to go after.

But I believe true wealth, even the physical kind, is a by-product of walking in our purpose. So it follows then that if we are to live fully, we have to ensure that our spirit and mind embrace and align with abundance.

Practical ways to live in abundance are:

You are a river, not a pond.

See yourself as a river that's open at one end to receive from God, and open at the other to give to the world. Think of freshwater bubbling along, never stagnating or pooling up; that's what your available resource looks like. A pond mentality, on the other hand, relies on rain and precipitation as its source. Infrequent and uncertain in its availability. A pond has no outlet except by evaporation, and this translates into the vicissitudes of life. Seeing yourself connected to a limitless God will transform your thinking from lack to plenty.

Give without expecting anything in return.

Giving breaks the poverty mindset faster than anything else. Because you can't give what isn't present. Giving alerts you to the blessings in your own life and elevates your position from the recipient to the benefactor.

Practice Gratitude

Gratitude alerts you to just how blessed you are; it opens your eyes to what you have instead of what you are lacking. Generosity keeps your line of vision clear so you can identify hidden opportunities.

Write your definition of success.

You are a unique being, and no one has the secret code to your success. We are bombarded with instructions on how to be successful, what we must do every morning and the exact steps to fulfil our purpose. Suppose you follow other people's opinions on success. In that case, you will end up frustrated as your search for resources will be futile. Your supplies are found on your path, not on someone else's.

Dream Small

Because everyone tells us to 'dream big', but big dreams don't always inspire us to act. Sometimes big dreams discourage us as we don't have the space or faith to see it happen. When this is the case, dream small. Your big goal consists of multiple small dreams that lead to the grand finale. Even when that materialises, you will dream again.

Dates for your diary:

3/12/2021

YouTube Channel Launch

The First Episode of Living Inside Out on YouTube will be going live! Think the podcast on steroids 😄. Join me for a show packed full of inspiration, how to's, business tips, interviews, and so much more. If we are not yet connected on social, let's do so; my handle is toksaruoture and please, spread the word.

11/12/2021

Christian Women in Business: Finding God in the Most Unlikely Places

A free Zoom meeting for Sisters in Business. I feel such a burden to have an evening sharing my business journey and testimonies of how God got me out of situations that I couldn't see my way out of. My goal is to show you how to find God in seemingly impossible places while on your business journey.

16/01/2022

Introspective Journaling for Personal Growth. You all know that my journal is my best friend. And it isn't because it contains secrets and memories, but because writing is a powerful tool for discovering who you are, your purpose, your intentions and also for mapping out your dreams. Journalling is the most potent tool bar none because it extracts the powerful truths from your mind, which is the engine room of your life.

Resources:

From Prison to Praise- book on giving thanks

Netflix: The Black Godfather- documentary on Clarence Avant

The Light's House Online Church

Negations for Growth- episode on making agreements

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I didn't discover the abundance mindset while searching for it- I'd tried chasing after wealth and failed. I was trying to figure out why my present state at the time did not align with what God had promised. In fact, it looked like my life was running away from the blessings that were supposedly chasing after me.

Abundance is first a mindset. And unless you cultivate it, you cannot live in true abundance. Abundance is not necessarily wealth. People who define it as wealth spend their lives chasing money.

In this inspiring episode, I share three truths I discovered about living in abundance:

Abundance is a mindset
Abundance is not the amassing of things
A poverty mindset hides true wealth.

I also share a tip on how to cultivate an abundance mindset. Find out how the things you are holding on to obscures your view of the future. And did you know that holding on to the past does your future a disservice? Learn from my example where I held onto and paid for storage, for items that belonged in my past. The things you are holding on to are obscuring your view of more valuable things.

Listen to the full episode to discover how to cultivate the state of mind needed for a rich and fulfiling life.

Resources: As a Man Thinketh- Bible Verse As a Man Thinketh- Book From Prison to Praise Ep #36 The Future is Superior to the Present

Please save the date; 3rd December for the first episode on my YouTube Channel! It's going to be packed full of inspiration and precious gems that will cause you to unearth the hidden treasure you've been carrying.

Let's connect on social: @toksaruoture, and if you'd like to join my friends' list so you can get behind the scenes and be inspired by even more life and business lessons :)

And thank you for 5,000 downloads! To think that I was relunctant to start this podcast because of the limiting beliefs that I wouldn’t carry on? Using my voice to share authentically carries a level of vulnerability and I am grateful to you for giving me the space to do so 🧡

If you have not yet subscribed to this podcast, kindly do so and reveiw it too so others who want to live from the inside out can find us. Have a great week ahead!

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Are you too busy? How do you deal with stress? Do you even recognise when it is time to pause? Many entrepreneurs struggle to create enough room to function, this can lead to overworking. As a one who has run her own business for 15 years, I understand that there is a difference between being busy and being productive- but I sometimes struggle to recognise which is which. Having spent the last couple of months being excessively busy, I am excited to share with you, the lessons I learned. My hope is that you will come to identify and isolate that which is good and needed while you discard the good yet unnecessary in your life. Lessons learned: 1. Create Margins. Everything of value has a space around it; that'\s how you can tell it apart from its surroundings. 2. Declutter Do not limit decluttering to your physical space; be intentional about the conversations you hold and the thoughts you think too. 3. Keep your vision in front of you In pictorial, words or a physical reminder, having your destination in plain sight will keep you working on the big picture; that way you do not get bugged down with tiny little details.

Announcement: I'll be starting my Youtube channel soon, keep an eye out🙂 Read my interviews this month: in The Flock Magazine 20 Questions with Toks Aruoture The Baby Cot Shop Blog Mums who Manifest Connect with me: Stay in touch at toksauoture.com and lets hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook Living Inside Out

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We've all heard them, cliched quotes and sayings that our friends offer us when we are going through a rough patch. "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!" But can you really say that you get encouraged by those sayings? How often has one of these sweet sayings got you up again after you had been hit with a boulder?

In my 18 years of entrepreneurial life, I cannot count how many obstacles have shown up on my path. Hurdles do not always get overcome, even by the most resilient of people. There are times you simply cannot power through or explain away a stumbling block. In those moments, you don't give up, you negotiate.

In this episode, I share some agreements I drew up while negotiating with a difficult circumstance. An agreement is an arrangement that two opposite sides come to so they can work together. It won't apply to anyone else as it is a contract between both parties. When your situation and expectations are irreconcilable, you have to create harmony to carry on on your journey.

Believe your roots are growing
Other currencies besides cash
You're the best man for the job

As usual, I share examples from my journey and hope that you will be inspired to draw up some agreements of your own.

Let's connect on Instagram @toksaruoture. I'm also on Facebook

Resources: Bossing it with Sage Chelsea in Bloom Rock Star Story Workshop-18th September

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How do you usually respond to bad experiences? Do you explode in anger? Do you shrink into yourself emotionally? Do you detach yourself from the experience as much as possible? Do you ignore it?

John McDonnell once said, “Every problem introduces a person to himself." This is a quote from John Maxwell's bestselling book, 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth

The well known adage says no pain, no gain. But do you know that all pain does not lead to gain? Difficult circumstances will only lead to growth if you have an intentional response to pain. In this episode I share a recent difficult experience I have had and how my default response of ignoring the pain affected me negatively.

Pain is synonymous with growth. If there is one thing challenges help you do, it is to evolve. But you have to be willing. In this episode I share a recent experience. I had an opportunity I had to grow through pain but chose to ignore the pain. Ignoring or denying challenges will have a stagnating effect on one.

I also talk about our tendency to measure the intensity of a challenge against a man-made standard, such as some one else's pain. In reality, the only standard you have to live up to is the one God created you to be.

Resources:

Upcoming Workshops: Journalling for Growth- 21st August Write your Rock Star Story- 18th September PR on a Budget- TBC

References 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John Maxwell Like a Roaring Lion Join my Friends List

The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth: Live Them and Reach Your Potential

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How do you make business decisions? Many of us rely on external factors, others on instinct. I believe our mindset plays a part in deciding what direction to head in. Our habits and tendencies will take us one way or the other. In this episode, we explore three damaging practices to avoid when growing your business. Striking too Late There is a time and a season for everything. Learning to recognise the seasons is vital when it comes to manifesting your dreams. Learn to read the signs that life offers you and watch out for those obstacles that slow us down, leading us to strike late. Lack of Experts Many budding entrepreneurs start out doing it all themselves. But a time comes when the engine needs to run on its own, and you need expert help to ensure it runs well. Avoid falling into the temptation of doing it all to save money when the business is crying out for expertise. Short Sightedness. Don't make decisions to alleviate your present discomfort at the expense of your future comfort. Seeing things from the point of view of the finished picture is a secret successful business owners practice. Invest in learning, invest in growth because what got you here isn't enough to take you there. Resources: Shark Tank The Profit Isaac Planted & Reaped a Hundredfold 7 Little Steps Events and Workshops Journalling for Success Workshop 21st August 2021 Learn how to journal for growth; you will be able to go from recurring dreams to creating a practical roadmap for your life.

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Most entrepreneurs have experienced the frustration of moving three steps forwards and three or even four steps back. There are some commonly found limiting mindsets that stop us from excelling, in a way we know we can. In this episode we address four of them: Vanity Marketing This can be mistaken for PR, the difference is the only increase you'll see will be the size of your ego. Or on the other hand, is what others say about you. Any form of marketing that focuses on improving your view of yourself will not attract customers. You may have an audience but they're there to admire, gawk and wonder how you got there. They are not there to buy from you. Embellishing yourself Many of us are guilty of this. We believe our potential clients have an expectation of who we are., so we carve out an image and force-fit ourselves into it. This is the opposite of authenticity and is rooted in the lack of awareness of the amazing gift you carry. Revelling in your wins This is when you stay too long at a place of success, and you miss the opportunities that pass by. Celebrate your successes but don't build an altar and worship them. Emotional attachment When I lost my business, every thought and idea grew from the ashes of the old. I could not divorce myself from the past because I was emotionally invested in it. You may have infused blood, sweat and tears into a venture but if it is no longer serving its purpose you have to let it go. Some businesses exist to train and prepare us for the next, but if your emotions lead you, you will not recognise this. Listen to the full episode and let's connect on social to discuss further. @toksaruoture on IG and FB Resources: Register for the online Write your Rock Star Story Workshop. Learn how to tell the compelling, inspiring story of your journey. Your Rock Star Story will encourage you greatly, give you confidence and open opportunities. Tell the world how to relate to you so that those meant to align with you will recognise you. Spaces are limited. Journalling for Success Workshop 21st August 2021 Learn how to journal for growth; you will be able to go from recurring dreams to you creating a practical roadmap for your life. Subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube or anywhere great podcasts are played.

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What do you do when you have a sizeable vision, but your resources do not stretch far enough for you to manifest it?

No one starts a business with the intention of it not growing- at least no one I know. For the most part, we start off with the hope that this new venture will grow into what we have imagined, but the resources don't always match the size of our dream.

When I started my company 13 years ago, that was the situation. I had a big vision and zero budget for it to materialise so I had to discover other forms of capital.

In this episode, I share some non-traditional tips on how to manifest your big business vision on a low budget. I warn you that my suggestions may appear counterproductive initially, but trust me on this.

A mindset change is needed to enable you to see the benefits of making decisions that will yield results later, as opposed to ones that will fulfil your immediate requirements.

Of all the tips I share, Right Pricing and Telling a Compelling Story are my faves.

Resources / Upcoming Events:

My Partnership with Sage

Write Your Rock Star Story Workshop 31st July 2021

Journaling for Personal Growth 21st August 2021

To subscribe to this podcast, hit the subscribe button where you are listening. You can also join my friends' list on my website toksaruoture.com so you can be informed of events, courses and the things that inspire Living Inside Out.

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If there is one trait that entrepreneurs require, it is confidence. Amongst many, of course. Without confidence, you will struggle to cultivate and exercise other strengths.

As a business owner, you need the confidence to make decisions, take risks, be creative.

So what does one do when that belief in yourself is lacking?

In this episode we look at the importance of using your intuition which is your internal GPS to guide you in business. We also look at an external GPS, using a mentor to help you on your journey.

Resources / Upcoming Events:

The Resilient Woman Breakfast Meeting hosted by Women's world

Write Your Rock Star Story Workshop 31st July 2021

Journaling for Personal Growth 21st August 2021

Find me on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube

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Entrepreneurship is one of the sexiest words out there- but the truth? The reality is different from its appearance.

We see posts of men and women living the 'laptop lifestyle', working from some of the finest places in the world and then wonder how we will arrive there. Let's not forget those who post their seven-figure sales numbers that were achieved in a month or two.

It becomes easy to see why as a business owner, discouragement quickly becomes your companion.

In this episode, I share a typical journey of starting a business. I also speak on two obstacles I came across in my early years as a business owner, and how I overcame them. Growing a business with nothing but determination and grit is different from growing one when you have options and a safety net.

Write your Rock Star Story: Last call for this transformative event holding on Saturday the 12th of June. I will be running a workshop on How to Write your Rock Star Story. The aim of this workshop is to guide you to write the story of your life, first for yourself, because it will encourage you greatly, and even give you confidence, open opportunities and build your resilience muscle. Your story tells the world how to relate to you. If you don't want to be pitied or look down on- even if you feel that way, then you must rewrite your story.

Also if you know someone who has lost their confidence, or has had a string of challenges over the years, do send it to them.

Reserve a place for the event or head to toksaruoture.com/workshop to learn more.

References: Write Your Rock Star Story

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No two people were born with identical seeds in them. And by seeds, I am referring to the fulness of who you really are. Your purpose, personality, gifts and proclivities all squeezed into a seed, no two people were born with identical seeds. And yet we find ourselves comparing ourselves with others- because we don't 'feel' like the success others see in us. Or we deliberately dumb down our achievements as we shrink under the admiration or recognition of others. Impostor syndrome is a real state of being that occurs in men and women, but more in women. It is when you feel like a fraud and refuse to accept ownership of your achievements- despite the evidence that you are responsible. There are circumstances and mindsets that create an ideal space for Impostor Syndrome to thrive and in this episode, we look at three of them. And just in case you don't believe it's that serious, I share three dangers of not managing it. In a few weeks, the Write your Rock Star Story Workshop will be running.

This has been one of the most powerful, life-changing events of my life. In the workshop, I will teach you how to re-write your story from the standpoint of a winner, and not a victim. Head to toksaruoture.com/workshops and save the date for the 12th of June. References: Pawpaw & Mango Blog Where your feet shall tread scripture

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Does faith play a role in future living?

Hindsight they say is 20/20. Another quote says Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

In this episode I talk about how my Christian faith helps me to trust the unseen and live as though I have 20/20 foresight.

You can shape your future through prayer and expectation- not the stoic, monk-like type of prayers, but through open communication with an unseen God.

I share three ways in which you can use prayer to create your tomorrow.; one of which is understanding worthiness. This one came right out of my being scammed by an electrician two years ago.

I also talk about why we should not pray for healing.

Buzz Phrases/Questions for the week Each week I share an affirmation or a powerful question that will guide our steps to move us from simply being inspired, to making a change. 1. I am worthy to become and to do everything God created me to do. 2. My past does not define or have power over my future.

Coming Soon The Rock Star Story Workshop By popular demand (drum roll..) I will be running a workshop on How to Write your Rock Star Story. This has been one of the most powerful, life-changing events of my life. In the workshop, I will teach you how to re-write your story from the standpoint of a winner, and not a victim. Head to toksaruoture.com/workshops and save the date for the 12th of June.

References: Eisenhower Matrix Your Past does not Equal your Future- Lisa Nichols The Lord's Prayer- Luke 11:2

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In this episode, we draw life lessons from the car manufacturer, Audi.

Audi's current marketing slogan is Future is an Attitude. Once you choose to draw strength and inspiration from things that are yet to happen, you must have the right outlook to be able to do so. Future-mindedness is not an occasional event that we dip into as needed, but it is a perspective from which we will now view all of life from.

There are threats to this way of living and we explore four of the most common ones, like living for recognition. The way society is set up and the point at which many cultures are at present happens to be fertile ground for this threat to thrive. You will be forgiven if you have chased recognition thinking it was success. I also share practical ways to recalibrate our thinking.

Buzz Phrases/Questions for the week Each week I share an affirmation or a powerful question that will guide our steps to move us from simply being inspired, to making a change. 1. What does this obstacle inspire me to do? 2. What if things never improve?

Coming Soon The Rock Star Story Workshop By popular demand (drum roll..) I will be running a workshop on How to Write your Rock Star Story. This has been one of the most powerful, life-changing events of my life. In the workshop, I will teach you how to re-write your story from the standpoint of a winner, and not a victim. Full details will be out soon but save the date for the 12th of June.

References: Audi Marketing Message Becoming by Michelle Obama

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The Future is Superior to the Present. What do you do when you are working towards a beautiful future, but the present gives you no indication that you will arrive there? We are constantly searching for evidence that our hopes or fears are legitimate. Great if you find proof that you can achieve what you hope for although that's never enough to keep you going till the end. If, however, your fears are confirmed, the discovery can paralyse you and keep you from pressing forward. Learning to draw inspiration and strength from the future takes effort and it begins with adopting the mindset that the future is superior to the present. This then frees you to think in terms of a better future, and not a limiting present situation. In this episode I share three affirmations that helped me press forward when fear and discouragement paralysed me last week: My future is superior to and even more beautiful than my past. Because when your present situation looks hopeless, you need something to pull you forward into a better place. I have everything In need inside me, to become all God created me to be. Because when we can't see the resources to build our future are we need to look inside us. I do not make emotional decisions Because our emotions are transient and unreliable; an emotional decision might offer immediate relief but cause long term problems. References: God's promise to Abraham The Alchemist Episode #6 Joy or Pain Emotional Decision Making

To subscribe to this podcast, hit the subscribe button where you are listening. You can also join my friends' list on my website toksaruoture.com Find me on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube

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"You can't live in the past!' Some pieces of advice are easier said than practised. We all know (on paper) not to live in the past but it can be incredibly difficult to implement. Especially if as far as you can see, your past was more pleasant than your present, and your future isn't promising either. Living in the past can be precarious because it keeps you stagnant. Stationary people are not exempt from having big dreams and those desires will remain just that. So how can you move forward if a setback has kept you stuck? In this episode, I share my thoughts on being future-minded. Future-mindedness does not mean ignoring the present or pretending the past did not happen. Rather it is choosing to be inspired by God's promise of a beautiful future- even if you can't see any evidence of that. When we spend time recreating good feelings, we can remain tethered to the past; we tend to do this during or after a setback. I also share practical tips on propelling forward after life has kept you grounded. Resources: Laraba Catering - Traditional Nigerian Catering Your path shines brighter- Proverbs 4:18 Moving from glory to glory- 2 Corinthians 3:18 Related Episodes Ep #2 The Rock Star Story: Rising Above the Challenge Ep #6 Joy or Pain: Emotional Decision Making Toks' Quotes to Note: Just because you can't see the fruit, does not mean the roots are not growing. Your thoughts are the seeds of your words, your words are the seeds of your actions and your actions create the life you live. God's plans for you are an improvement on what you've ever known. Connect with me

To subscribe to this podcast, hit the subscribe button where you are listening. You can also join my friends' list on my website toksaruoture.com Find me on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube

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Have you given up on a dream- but the dream has refused to give up on you?

In this episode, I continue the story of Sue Yellowtail, a woman who came face to face with a cougar in the wild. Her story is remarkable as we are able to see the Fear Response play out throughout her ordeal, and we look at the Fright and Fight responses.

Why the fear response? Because psychologists tell us that the brain can't always tell the difference between real and imagined fear, so the response to that new opportunity or audacious goal is the same as if you were meeting a lion in the wild. Your response is survival. Survival from the danger of failure. The toil of hard work, the pain of uncertainty and inadequacy.

By understanding how the brain works when it encounters a threat, like a cougar in the wild, we can understand and navigate our response to the opportunities we are too scared to take.

The fright stage is the giving-up stage. The 'everybody's got to die sometime' stage. It's the point when you can't find any visible evidence of your chance of survival. It is the quitting stage. But that's not really the end.

The fight stage is when you are at that place where you are prepared to die fighting for your dream. It is the point you arrive at and say I've got to kill this animal or it's going to kill me.

More importantly, we did cover that when an animal gives up and appears dead, it isn't necessarily the end. Listen to learn about the window of opportunity life gives us to revive our dream.

References:

Mary Mary- I just Can't give up Now The Fall of Man All things work together for good Believe IT Episode #1: A Perfect Storm

Let's carry on the conversation on social: Instagram, Facebook and remember to leave a comment wherever you listen; this helps others find the podcast.

sarahblakely #spanx #jamiekernlima #believeIT #marymary

Believe IT: How to Go from Underestimated to Unstoppable

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What role has fear played in getting to where you are today? Sure we understand fear to be a safety mechanism gifted to us by a loving God, but how do we handle it when our emotions go into overdrive? In this episode, we delve into the fear response, or The Four Fs as psychologists call it; Freeze, Flight, Fight, Fright.

Did you know the brain does not always distinguish between real and imagined fear? By studying a young lady's response to extreme fear, when she came face to face with a cougar, we can better understand why we don't want to step out of our comfort zone and how to overcome seemingly impossible barriers.

Is it possible that your two-year research into that new business idea is really you in a 'Freeze' state? Or maybe that new position you keep being passed over for is because you are self-sabotaging, or in the 'Flight' response?

If we don't stop to understand why we keep getting a different result despite our best efforts, we will never propel forward. Talking incessantly about an idea but not carrying it out, unexplained stress and restlessness are just some of the signs of stalling or freezing on your journey.

References: Believe IT by Jamie Kern Lima In an Encounter with a Cougar, Four Different Ways to Panic Psychology Today Redefining Wealth Podcast by Patrice C Washington Instagram.com/toksaruoture Facebook.com/toksaruoture

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Faith and fear are usually positioned as opposites yet they can feel the same sometimes. How can you tell the difference?

In this episode, Toks makes three comparisons between fear and faith drawing from her life and Biblical examples.

Faith draws from the future, fear feeds on past or current circumstances.

Faith is more than believing in an unseen God.

Faith is the practice of converting an invisible concept into a visible reality. Each time I succumbed to fear, it was because I looked at my past and around me for evidence of certain failure. Fear thrives on past experiences and current circumstances, neither of which has any bearing on your future.

Faith requires action, Fear hates movement. Faith is taking a step when you can't see the ground your foot will land on. Faith moves you to work while fear keeps you paralysed. When we are afraid we'd rather stay still, scared that any movement will upset our balance. Whereas faith requires you to move, for faith without works is dead.
Fear has plenty of allies. Faith has only a few You will find more people to agree with your fear than disagree with you. This is because most people live from the outside in. So you'll find them helping you to see the evidence of fear as opposed to looking deeper and practising faith. It takes a particular person to point out what you cannot see and when you find such people, hold on to them. Because no matter how faith-filled you are or how on fire for God you are, you will have moments when fear supersedes your hope. And that's when you reach out to one of your special friends to help you see the invisible.

References: Noah and the Ark Genesis 7 The Bible Faith without Works James 2:17 The Bible

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In this episode, I take you with me to Lagos, Nigeria, where the coronavirus pandemic is being experienced differently. Nigerians are known as the happiest people in the world and also happen to be unbelievably resilient. I draw lessons from my observations; I believe we can apply them and remove some restrictive beliefs. Nigerians have a limitless mindset. I put this down to religion, and it doesn't matter which one. Nigerians are religious people, which means they believe there is a supreme being that they have access to; this being dwells outside the boundaries of what our senses perceive, leading them to believe anything is possible. There is also a sense of freedom to take matters of their life into their own hands, a space I'd forgotten existed. This mindset says I'll do it myself. The infrastructure leaves much to be desired, and Nigerians have taken it upon themselves to do what the government has failed to do. Sink their boreholes. Provide their gas and electricity. They have created a world within a world where they make things work. The leason? We don't have to wait for perfect conditions to get things done. We can create our own environment if the default one isn't suitable. This episode is dedicated to my entrepreneur friends, old and new who are making things happen despite their circumstances. Challenges could be internal or external, but I believe God has placed in us everything we need to thrive; we need to remove the limiting beliefs that hold us back. Listen to my interview with Pregnancy Without Fear, where I share my business journey along with the challenges I experienced. References: Pregnancy Without Fear Interview with Toks Aruoture, Luxury Nursery Interior Designer

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It has been an edge-of-the-seat year, to say the least. Many of us have had our strength and faith tested, no thanks to the pandemic. Yet, here we are. In the final episode of the year, I share 12 of the lessons 2020 taught me.

I believe we can use our individual lessons as a manual for navigating next year and beyond. No doubt we are going into the new year cautious, yet hopeful. We've been alerted to how crazy and unpredictable the world can get.

Don't be quick to insert your experiences into the annals, never to be referred to again. This was not a year to simply survive and hope we return to relative normalcy. 2020 has been a year to reflect, decide and take action.

I thank you for riding with me this year. From the moment I tentatively clicked that Publish button for episode one, through my much-needed break and again as we round up the year.

I hope you find these lessons useful and adopt some of them into your personal manual for 2021. Have a wonderful Christmas and I can't wait to catch up next year- it will be epic!!

Here are the top five episodes downloaded by you, how about revisiting and sharing them during the holiday season? And if you haven't given us your stamp of approval, we'd appreciate a 5-star rating too⭐

1) Introduction: A Perfect Storm 🎉

2) The Rock Star Story: Rising Above the Storm

3) Toxic Friendships: Six Types of Friends to Avoid

4) The Concept of Authentic Living

5) The Principle of Intention

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We all experience negative emotions, but when it cripples you and stops you from doing what you know you should, there's a problem. And that's where I found myself last week. In this episode, I invite you to go through a process with me, as I unravel my most recent spate of fear and anxiety.

We look at the reasons we worry and the effect it can have on us. My hope is that by getting to the root of your fear, you can manage it as opposed to it controlling you.

I also borrow life lessons from the life of Ronald Wayne, co-founder of Apple, who famously sold his share of the company for a paltry amount, 12 days after the company was formed.

Finally, we learn some traits and behaviour of that emotion, including the fact that it loses its power when you take action.

Key takeaways:

Don't let fear make decisions for you
Don't idolise past failures
Don't idolise current circumstances
Experience creates a belief, which affects our behaviour.

References:

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:8

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Let's connect on social, I'm at @toksaruoture on Instagram and Facebook. Also if you head to my website, toksaruoture.com there is an abundance of inspirational material just waiting for you there- and you can join my friends list too 🤗

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What drives you? Where does your motivation come from? Our gifts are a force that drives us to express it, but that drive can come from one of several avenues. Tyler Perry, the media mogul, didn't start on a firm footing. He had no training in drama, yet there was a burden so heavy that he couldn't shake off, to write and stage plays.

Sometimes our dreams and desires don't make sense to us or the people that are in our lives, especially when it doesn't appear to be bearing fruit. Tyler Perry's turning point came the day he realised there was a lot more to being fruitful than money.

What do you do when your dream is so vivid, yet attempting to live it is too difficult for words? Too often we abandon our vision because the alternative is more achievable.

What if all you need is one more attempt at pushing that door wide open?

But ehat if your only source of motivation gets taken away from you, what next?

In today's episode, we draw three lessons from Tyler Perry's life.

If you have enjoyed this episode why don't you review it? Episode reviews help podcasts like this found quickly by others who are looking to upgrade their thinking so they can live the life God created them to live.

You can also connect with me on the major social platforms at @toksaruoture

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The most prominent feature of a tree is that it bears after its own kind. An orange tree produces oranges- unless some intervention has occurred such as grafting or genetic engineering. The same goes for seeds. An orange seed becomes an orange tree and goes on to bear oranges. You also have a seed inside you, and you grow from that seed and go on to bear fruit. In other words, your purpose was placed in you before you were born, and the bearing of fruit is the fulfilment of that calling. The results are that people are blessed because they cross your path. Yet, we hold back from using what lies in us for a number of reasons. One is that we look for safety in numbers. We are only comfortable when we find that what we are about to embark on is tried and tested- so that if we fail, we fall with company. Another reason we don't tap into our hidden gems is that we doubt its validity. So we head out to look for accolades and recognition as proof that our gems are as worthy as God says they are. Worse, we see the value of our gems appreciating or depreciating depending on where the accolades are coming from. What's interesting is that it is impossible to bear fruit that you don't have a seed of. An orange tree cannot produce apples- except if some grafting or =genetic engineering has occurred. So if you're in the habit of relying on the opinions of others before embarking on a journey, nothing will come out of your efforts. References: Couch to 5K Bible Verse: Producing much Fruit Bible Verse: I am the True Vine Break the Shell- India Arie

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Can you allow yourself to admit that the people you dislike have some excellent qualities, and the people close to your heart are not perfect?

Can you learn from someone you dislike? Do you feel the need to vilify the opposing side just to drive home their point? These questions have surprising answers- depending on who you ask. It appears that the colour, grey, no longer exists when it comes to opinions.

People seem to think in an all or nothing manner, that you have to choose all of one thing or all of the other. And your choice of preference translates into disdain of the other option.

It is impossible to evolve if you limit your education to sources that you prefer.

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We were created with everything needed for our journey on earth, but do you know that your environment is meant to serve and not hinder you?

In this episode we explore how we can search our environment for evidence to support healthy thoughts and ideas, in our environment.

Tips for evidence-based living:

Train your eyes to search for evidence that will align with positive thoughts and dreams. If you don’t search, you will find evidence of failure. There is no way you can throw a net into a pond, and not come up with other stuff. Stop looking at the other stuff. You do this by living in a space of gratitude. If you can are listening to this podcast it means you are alive. Let's start with life. Life is a blessing. And blessing doesn't mean pleasant 100% of the time. Start and end your day with gratitude. The more thankful you are, the more you'll see things to be thankful for.

Train your ears to hear words that align with the dream. This means you have to speak to yourself regularly. Speak words of hope, life and encouragement and do so with love. Don’t belittle yourself.

Write out a day in your life, doing exactly what you are working towards. For example, today is Friday the 21st of June 2023. I have just come home from the gym. I have a meeting with my staff as we prepare for our expansion into a new category.

References: David and Goliath 1 Samuel 17- The Holy Bible

PC Home, Bromley

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How do you make decisions? Some people take things at face value while others have a more suspicious mind. Either way, we tend to trust things more when we can feel as well as see it at the same time.

Emotions aligned with perception carries a heavier weight than merely seeing or feeling. Just because you experience both at the same time does not make it valid. Yet we fall for that all the time.

In this episode, we look at the concept of aligning our physical senses with our emotions, and how that can mislead us.

Resources: The Five Second Rule by Mel Robbins toksaruoture.com

The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage

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What does it mean to live from the inside out? We are wired to use our physical senses to judge the safety of our environment. In other words, our brain searches for problems so we can take action to protect us from danger. This feature goes into overdrive when every single decision you make is based on what your senses perceive—for example, deciding to start a new business because you 'heard' that it was the thing to do. Or choosing a spouse because they look good, or die to the sweet nothings they whispered to you. There is a part of you that can bypass the obvious and draw conclusions based on the unseen. Using your innermost man is living from the inside out. Using just your senses is living superficially. In this episode, I delve into how to live from the inside out and the benefits of doing so. Enjoy! Connect with me on social @toksaruoture and join my mailing list at toksaruoture.com because guess what? I will be going live and doing a giveaway at episode 25! You don't want to miss that 😀

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Often parents will purchase a pair of shoes for their growing child, a size or half a size larger because they know their feet will grow into it.

Do you create space to grow? In this episode, I share the subtlety and consequence of stagnancy. Personal growth is a phrase that's used a lot today, but the reality of its practice does not match our verbal usage.

One reason we don't grow is that we don't create the space to grow, or we don't step into the available space. And the comfort zone is well, comfortable so there is no pressure to press forward either. Yet if you stay, you are robbing your soul and others.

Here are three more reasons:

You were created for a specific purpose.
Nothing around you grows unless you grow. In business we have a saying; you don’t do business with a company, you do business with people. That’s because a business is made up of different people working in different parts.
We grow to bear fruit- and our fruit must feed others. I believe that there are people who are suffering needlessly because some of us did not step up to the plate.

References:

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3: 18 NLT

To subscribe to the Living Inside Out Podcast, click the subscribe button on your podcast player. And if you are new to podcast-listening, here is a post I wrote just for you.

Connect with me on social:

Facebook and Instagram

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Do you stop to notice the signs of growth? In this episode, I share the importance of doing just that. I have found the fear and anxiety often show up at the point of making a decision that will move me forward. So when I was confronted with a new situation this week, even though it felt more like a threat, I recognised it as an opportunity for growth.

Taking that step forward does not immediately cure the anxiety, but it is certain to move you forward. Perhaps for you, it isn't fear or anxiety. Maybe it is self-doubt. Maybe an abundance of adrenaline, whatever the signs are, it pays to know what that looks like.

Here are three steps to take when life demands that you step outside your comfort zone.

Know your anatomy.

Understanding your mind and how it functions when you're under pressure will go a long way towards helping you progress. But that's not all, knowing the various parts that make up the challenge or obstacle is just as helpful. For example, you will begin to recognise the weak points where you can leverage your strength.

Keep your vision in front of you

Often, we come so close to the obstacle that it obscures our view of the future we have imagined. Take a few steps back, and fix your eyes on your destination. Just like the sprinter who does not look at the hurdles in a race, he looks at the finish line- but for that to happen, there must be a finish line within view.

Revisit old landmarks

If you are going to play bigger, grow your business or leave your fulltime job to do what you've always wanted, life would have placed a series of challenges on your path and you would have overcome them.

What does that look like for you? Go back in time to see how past opportunities showed up. Did they come with fear? Anxiety? Self-doubt? And what did you do? Did you press through, get help? How you have dealt with past difficulties will be a clue on how to address future ones.

This week, I want you to dedicate time to be curious about the obstacles you are facing. Write out your vision in detail, and revisit previous landmarks to identify how you overcame them and what emotions came with the change.

Then bring it all together and make some new decisions to embrace and not run away from the challenge you have been staring at.

References:

Episode 2: The Rock Star Story: Rising above the challenge

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Everyone dreams, but some are waiting to see the space where the dream will stand, before taking action to make it a reality.

Your dream has to be bigger than what your environment tells you. One of the most powerful lessons I've been privileged to understand has been learning to make plans not based on present resources, but based on God's promises; based on unseen future resources.

We often draw conclusions based on what our senses pick up. That is natural because we are sensual beings. But that is also the way fixed mindsets work. A fixed mindset believes what they see is all they have. It concludes that the visible, the palpable is final, and there is nothing more in the future.

A growth mindset, on the other hand, trusts that the invisible is possible, and it strives to create it in the natural. This is necessary if we are ever going to see our imagined future manifested in the natural.

If you are going to step into the growth zone, you have got to eliminate from your environment, every voice, memory, or suggestion that exists to shrink your aspirations.

A growth mindset allows you to live beyond any limits. Your mind expands per your need. Better still, your need becomes swallowed up by the space that your mind has created for it. But this can't happen unless your mind actually makes the space.

Here are three ways to create the space for your dreams to thrive in:

Know that God has a dream for you.

No matter how huge your aspirations are, understand and believe that God's plans for you are even more significant. The ideas and goals and desires you have been birthed out of a bigger dream. Your plan is a tiny piece, a fragment, a crumb from a giant cookie of God's plan for you. And If you believe God has a dream for you, it is not for you to simply feel good about it. You are supposed to grow into it.

Look for signs of Growth

You are growing, but you wouldn't know it if you are oblivious to the signs of growth. Running a business and not seeing any progress can be discouraging so make sure you take time out to recognise and celebrate your advancements in life and business. Don't dismiss changes in your life as hmm, that's just life. Recognise and celebrate your growth.

Create a vision board and regularly visit it.

A vision board is a pictorial version of the vision you have. The reason you need one is that your mind needs to be bombarded with the information of what you want it to create. Already it is being fed by your spirit, which is where the vision comes from. But imagine if you also feed it from the outside using your senses? You won't have any choice but to create what you can see. Now just imagine the effect curating your environment will have. Start by removing the negative and leaving only the right people to occupy your space.

Growth Activities

Create a graphic that really speaks to you; something that assures you, God, has a dream for you.
Share this episode with one person in your circle. Doing this sends a message that you are busy growing; you are becoming more of who you were created to be, and our authenticity gives others permission to shine.

I have created some printable affirmations which will be going out via email next week. If you'd like to receive it, make sure you join my mailing list at toksaruoture.com.

Resources:

Canva.com

Connect with me on Instagram, Facebook & LinkedIn

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I once heard someone say everyone is in one of three stages, just come out of a trial, currently in one or about to step into one. We can agree that challenges are inevitable, but how can we go through the fire without giving up? In this episode, I share three mindsets we can adopt to help us journey through the difficult seasons of life.

Growth mindset.

A growth mindset believes that where they are and what they see isn't the end, that there is more beyond. There is joy after this season. It allows you to draw conclusions not on where you are today, or what you can see around you, but it allows you to live based on who you are becoming. A fixed mindset believes who you are and what you have are all there is, and the only change that happens is time passes by, you get older but no real change or growth happens. If you are going through the fire, and you can’t see beyond where you are, I hope you can at least accept that you are able to grow beyond this point.

Believe that these trials are permitted by God but it is only for a season.

One of the most impactful views I hold is seeing life as a path. Not a collection of random events scattered over time. Seeing life as a journey you are on helps you to understand that the current difficulty is only present on this portion of the road. So choose to see your challenge as a season. And seasons come and seasons go.

Have Realistic Expectations If trials are comparable to fire, we best believe it will be excruciatingly painful. If things are getting worse and not better, understand that this is the nature of fire. Understand that your life- mindset, relationships, lifestyle are being purified through this process. It is a matter of deciding how you want to interpret the process. Do you see yourself as suffering needlessly, or are you being purified? If you are being purified, you’ll be able to speed up the process by learning the lessons being offered and giving up the limiting mindsets readily. Resources: Maya Elious

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Why do we shy away from stepping out of the comfort zone? The brain prefers the familiar, predictable part. It's easier for it to navigate a route it has always gone on. Each time you change activity or start something new, your brain uses up calories. It translates the unfamiliar to mean danger and will work to get you out of there. So when we are gifted with a new idea, thinking and talking about it in the safety of your old space is fun. But the moment you try to run with it and start to put down a foundation on a new piece of land, the brain finds viable reasons why you shouldn't. So we stop. And this does not apply only to actions we take; it applies too to thought processes. Our thoughts drive our actions; when we are actively working to change mindsets and thought patterns, you will be met with resistance. That's why even though we know a habit is harmful, we still carry it out. To prevent lapses into old ways of thinking, you must be on high alert where your intention is concerned. You can probably think of an action you repeatedly carry out even though you know you shouldn't. This is because your brain keeps rerouting you to the familiar path. Asking the question, "What's my intention?" is one way to keep you aware of the route you are travelling on. Our thoughts come about by the information we feed our mind. There is no such thing as mindless scrolling on social media. You may not be engaged in the information that you are breezing past, but your mind is. This information will form thoughts and drive your action. And if you are in the process of stepping out into a new zone, your mind will interpret it as unfamiliar and dangerous. It will then use the 'mindless information as a resource to route you back to your old zone.

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What do you say to yourself when you're discouraged? The words we hear on a daily basis determine the direction of our thoughts, and consequently our actions. What we listen to during intense situations carry enough power to stir you away from or into an emotional dungeon.

In this episode, I share some of my favourite quotes, mantras and scriptures that can help you start moving again when you feel stuck.

I Am the Captain of My Fate

Not as pompous as it might initially sound, especially if you believe in the superiority of God over your life, this statement is the last sentence in a poem by William Ernest Henley. It was penned during a long and difficult season of his life and is quite a heavy read. The sentence ends with a spirit of resilience and courage, one that recognises that in the end, no matter how challenging life is, we get to decide where our lives are headed and the destination we end up in.

This too Shall Pass

A Persian adage and the inspiration for another poem, written by Helen Steiner Rice. I use this poem when I feel stuck in a ditch or marooned to a problem I am unable to separate myself from. This too shall pass is a gentle assurance that like all other problems you have endured in the past, this one, too, shall pass. And you will breathe again. Think about a serious situation that had you frozen some time ago, and you now laugh at. You survived it, didn't you? If you are a female entrepreneur, you are familiar with that feeling of being stuck. This one will get you moving again.

Begin Weaving and God Will Provide the Thread

Entrepreneurship is a synonym for risk-taking. You believe in an idea that is visible to you alone, and then you invest time and money into it, expecting it to reap results. The modern-day version is; 'You don’t have to see the whole staircase. You just have to take the first step.' By Martin Luther King Jr. These two sayings are the entrepreneur’s mantra. You know that nothing in life is certain, except death and taxes- they say, so as an entrepreneur, you go out and strike with all your might, prepared to handle the disappointment of zero results. The absence of certainty causes many would-be businesses owners to stand and stall, waiting for a green light. You have to practice this and not merely say it loud. Taking a step when you don’t know where it will lead you to, or not knowing if you have the resources to see a project to the end requires some courage in the absence of the assurance we crave. This is one to memorise too, for those days when you start a new journey in your career which you feel under-qualified or under-experienced for.

Goodness and Mercy Shall Follow You

I use this scripture to unlearn the lie that I had believed that trouble was following me. I chose instead to embrace this truth of being chased by goodness, and not trouble. If you've ever been in a situation where you seem to be encountering back to back problems, this verse will help you unlearn the lie that you are being chased by difficulties. When meditated upon, you will come to understand all about expectations. Rather than pulling down your expectations to meet your current situation, raise them to meet God's promises for you. The power that's found in your vision will pull you in the direction of its fulfilment, but this will only happen when you look up, not down.

I Am Not the Custodian of Your Emotions

One of the most freeing mantras that was birthed from my personal experience. Agreeing not to be responsible for the emotions that others display is a game-changer. No one is responsible for your emotions, and you, therefore, are not answerable to theirs'. Not inviting a certain friend or relative to a party? You are not responsible for the feeling of disappointment that will come from not having them over. As women in business, it is important that we don't carry emotionally clutter which will slow us down.

What’s holding you back?

There are powerful questions that begin a wave of self-awareness and internal change. This is one of them. What’s holding you back? also happens to be the title of a book by Valorie Burton. I happened on this question when I began to recognise that my emotions were driving my actions. This powerful question will help you drill down and get to the root so you can use the power inside you, the one wrapped inside your gift to excel and play bigger.

References: Invictus by William Ernest Henley This Too Shall Pass by Helen Steiner Rice Goodness and Mercy Shall Follow Me What's Really Holding You Back? by Valorie Burton

What's Really Holding You Back?: Closing the Gap Between Where You Are and Where You Want to Be

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Being a woman in business comes with its share of challenges, but we also have our superpower to help us navigate them. In this episode, #16 of the Living Inside Out Podcast, I share four tips for the new female business owner to help her win at life and business.

Business Life Hack: Build Your Community

There is a saying in business that goes you can’t work on your business while working in your business. Take out time to zoom out of your business so you can make an informed decision about what needs to be done. You will find that you need help.

From babysitting to having a shoulder to cry on and having someone to bounce business ideas of, your community is the one place that you should feel safe and comfortable requesting for help. You have got to create that community, using your intuition and the relationships you currently have. Also, be open to new friendships. Another business woman’s hack is to build your business network.

Business Hack: Network for Business

Don’t run to every networking event you are invited to because you will burn out. Instead, be intentional about being in places where you can build community and grow in. Have a clear understanding of your audience and go where they are. You will; connect with the right people if you are authentic. In my early days, I believed I needed to be someone that my clients could relate to. But I soon found out about the power of authentic living. It is a force that breaks down barriers so you can connect with real individuals- how else will you know what they need? Or that you have something to offer them? Episode 3 goes into details about the concept of authentic living.

Eventbrite is great for finding events. Meet Up is also a good option. Explore business networking organisations like Athena, which is specific to Women Entrepreneurs and BNI. These groups have chapters all over the country, BNI has chapters all over the world. Usually, the expectation of your commitment level is quite high so think before joining these weekly meeting groups.

Life Hack: Know what’s on your plate

For a number of years, I hosted learning brunches. They were designed to equip us and elevate us by feeding the spirit soul and body. I really enjoyed them and still get people asking when I’ll be resuming them. The year I opened the shop, I scheduled a brunch event.

I did not understand that I had taken on a sizeable task that required a lot of my time and energy. I ended up cancelling the event because I just didn’t have the bandwidth to carry on. I learned a lesson. You cannot keep adding things to your already full plate, just because you can do it doesn’t mean you should attempt to do it all.

Life Hack: Start the night before:

I believe the best start to a good day begins the night before. Planning your day ahead works wonders, and gratitude cannot be overrated.

Go to bed each night with three things that you are grateful for. Even better if you write them down. This helps to eliminate any lies that say you are not enough. Gratitude opens our eyes to the things we have, and the opposite, which is being oblivious to what you’ve been blessed with will lead you to focus on what you don’t have. This causes discontentment and neediness AND will have you chasing after things instead of making choices that produce results.

Another tip by my coach, Valorie Burton who is a bestselling author and life strategist is to have one thing to look forward to tomorrow.

I want to end with an illustration I learned from Penny Power years ago. A candle is made up of two parts, the flame and the wax. The flame represents your passion, that which you do so effortlessly, it even infuses you with energy as opposed to drains you. The wax represents that part you do not enjoy. In my case, its admin but both admin and speaking engagements are needed for my business function. What may be wax to you is a flame to someone else.

This means that my admin and paperwork that I dislike so much is busy giving energy and life and joy to someone else. This little illustration really helped me to stop beating myself up because I am struggling to complete a project.

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In the United Kingdom, 32% of businesses are owned by women. In the United States the figure is 39% and in Ghana, its a whopping 44%.

When it comes to employment, 72.7% of women form part of the workforce in the United Kingdom and in the USA the figure is 57.9%.

More women are balancing or attempting to balance a job or business with raising the family, yet, we keep adding to our plate without making room for more.

We have a responsibility to decide what we take on so that we can live a healthy, happy life with as little stress as possible.

In this episode, I share some life-hacks for the busy woman, so she can live a simpler life.

There appears to be a limiting belief that the more we struggle, the closer we get to being superwoman. The truth is, no one is handing out medals and if we keep choosing the complicated route, we will end up burning out.

As a woman in business, mindset coach and busy mum of four, five if we include my husband, I have had to develop systems and routines to make sure life works for me. Of course, it wasn't without stumbling a few times, but I surrendered when I discovered no one was coming to save me. I needed to save myself. Here are a few lessons and hacks I have adopted so I can live a stress-free, happier life.

Mealtimes Hack

Menu planning cannot be underestimated and it is a simple, yet powerful hack to make life simpler. You don't need to be super-organised to adopt meal-planning, anyone can do it.:

List all the meals your family eats
Plug a mix of easy prep and more elaborate options in your week's calendar- what you consider elaborate will differ from person to person.
Shuffle if required.

You can also engage the services of a caterer as I sometimes do, or/ad have a bulk-cooking day.

Banish Outfit Paralysis

Decide how you want to dress for church and group similar items together. For example, you prefer to wear dresses to church, so you put your church dresses together. Work will be Skirt suits; meetings- trouser suits, lunch with friends can be a pair of jeans and a top, running to the grocery store is joggers or yoga pants.

This stops you from wondering and planning and trying on 15 outfits until it feels right. It will save you time and energy while keeping your stress levels down. So when you have a meeting scheduled, you don’t need to wonder what to wear, you know its power suit day!

Another hack is to know your skin understood and know what colours suit you. It saves the time we spend deliberating on whether an outfit will look good on you. If your wardrobe only contains your colours, you will become confident as the need to 'feel' right in an outfit is removed.

Have a Process for Dealing with Crisis

Everyone handles challenges differently so there is no right or wrong way- generally. We cannot avoid running into difficulties, entrepreneurship guarantees that. And if you have an ounce of ambition in you, you will need to stretch to move up the ladder in your job. So it helps to have a process for handling fear or other situations that come to shake us.

In my case, I breathe deeply, consciously because shallow breathing does not feed your brain and can increase the feelings of anxiety. Next, I pray quietly and finally I gather the information, so I am well informed and not making any assumptions. Episode #2 goes into greater detail of how I handle challenges.

Look back to see how you have responded in the past and use that to create a simple process for you. The process exists to bring you to a place of peace and calmness, so you can deal logically with the issue at hand.

I would love to carry on this conversation and hear your thoughts. We can do this on social media- @toksaruoture on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn If you are new to podcasting, I have put a How to Listen to Podcasts guide for you and you can join my mailing list at toksaruoture.com

References:

DejuTTT Kitchen by Jumoke Aina

Quick and Easy Dinner Rolls Recipe

Style at Senamin by Ajoke Savage

Potential U by Joy Odunsi

Ninja Grill & Air Fryer

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In the previous episodes, we looked at how our environment feeds us, and we zeroed in on the role of friends in our life. Now because we are made up of spirit, soul and body, it follows that we are being fed not just from the outside, but from our spirit and our mind.

How do you know where to receive advice from if your mind is saying one thing and your spirit is saying something else?

The mind gives instructions in several ways, but emotions are the most obvious. The spirit also gives instructions using such tools like our intuition. When we decide out of fear, for example, we are following the leading of our mind.

In the same way, intuition can guide us in the right direction. The spirit is the part of you that has always existed; it is alive and connected to God. Your soul is the container for your mind, this is where we experience emotions, and more, and the body is the physical part of you.

I believe our spirit carries the highest calling for our life, and it is embedded with our gifts and assets and well as our purpose.

Instruction from your spirit Ever found yourself doing something that made no logical sense, but you just had to do it, and it worked out? That was probably your intuition- this is one of the functions, if you like, of your spirit man. I rely on intuition when it comes to hiring staff or working with suppliers. If I sense a question mark, no matter how perfect you seem, I don't even stay long enough to figure out what the issue is. Each time I ignored my spirit's warning, I have paid for it. And if you're a Christian, then you'd know that the spirit of God also guides your decision making in a way that's difficult to explain to others.

Instructions from the mind.

Your ideas are designed to become a thing. Still, if you live with the wrong mindsets or your emotions are leading you, chances are, you will be a carrier of ideas and not a doer. Several factors stop us from taking action. Feelings like fear top the list, then you've got to drill down to find out what type of fear it is.

When I started my business here in England, I faced several obstacles. I had to overcome getting manufacturers to agree to me selling their products in the first place. I spent time navigating objections, and before long, I became pretty good at turning a no into a yes. Changing the minds of these manufacturers became a challenge I set, and each time I won, I'd feel a false sense of accomplishment.

My intention- without meaning to, shifted from building a business to winning this challenge. If your project doesn't seem to be yielding results, the obstruction is probably in your mind.

The ideas your spirit carries comes with a desire to be physically expressed. Ideally, it should be expressed through work, but often we choose to talk about it.

Instructions from your body I have tried and failed to get my body to the place I want and understand now that I'd been looking at ways in which I could change the outside. For me to have a different outside, the inspiration and change will have to come from the inside. It helps to have an intrinsic reason for toning up and getting fit, my belief on the inside will no doubt spill on to the external, and I'll get myself to the gym. And stay there.

So I came up with a list of deeper reasons to tone up, and this will help you if you need a compelling reason too:

A fit body will increase my confidence as I know my clothes fit well. Confidence will help me take steps I'd rather avoid.
Fulfils the goal of the physical appearance of my future self. By exercising now, I am becoming that successful, healthy woman.
Fitness allows me to accomplish more as I'll have more energy physically. I don't want my active mind to be trapped in a body that cannot carry out those ideas.
My fourth deeper reason is that by exercising, I show myself who is boss- me, not my flesh with its craving. Me, my spirit. The real me, I'm the one in charge. Your body exists to do the bidding of your spirit and not the other way around. Too often, we live for the cravings and impulses of our body, and we respond to it as though it is the boss. Believe the mind Is the engine room of our lives. Exercising a body that would rather laze around brings you full circle, it makes you the physical version of the picture engraved on the palms of God's hands.

Instructions can either come from your spirit, which is your highest self, your soul which is the engine room, or your body, which is designed to follow commands- and not to give them. I believe the instructions from your spirit are the most reliable and most fulfilling. Dig deep enough and you will find the answers waiting.

References: What I know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey

Episode 3 The Practice of Authentic Living

John 16:13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. The Holy Bible, NLT

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Narcissism. I watched Jada Pinkett smith's red table talk where she had a psychologist as a guest. Dr Ramani Durvasula shared the traits of a narcissist and In the spirit of becoming a better friend to my friends, I found myself hoping I’m not a narcissist. We think of someone who is so self-absorbed that they make everything about them, and while I don’t think I do, I did check a box or two while watching the programme. In the end, I concluded that I need to stay on that path to becoming a better, less self-absorbed person generally.

I truly believe we were created to fulfil a specific purpose on earth. And purpose has to tick two boxes. One, glorify God and two, help others. And in the process of living out your purpose, you are transformed into the person worthy of carrying it. Whatever your purpose is, you have everything you need inside you to fulfil it. My favourite example of purpose is Nick Vujicic of Life Without Limbs. He was born with no arms or legs yet daily he fulfils his purpose of breaking barriers and crossing boundaries to lead people to the love of Christ that he has experienced. Nick has reached countries in a way that many haven't. We cannot deny that what many will call impossible, he has managed to do, missing limbs notwithstanding because he has all he needs inside him.

So when we think that what we need to thrive in our purpose, we already carry inside us, we also need to believe that we are surrounded by physical resources to help us fulfil it. One of those resources is the friends you keep. In the previous hot episode of Toxic Friendships, we looked at examples of how the wrong person in your life can sabotage your growth, for example. In the same vein, the right people can help you in phenomenal ways. Episode 11 was about the Value of a good friend and I shared three examples of friends that have been instrumental in where I stand today.

So how can we attract the right people in our lives?

Let’s look at why you must have good friends. First of all, your environment feeds your mind. You cannot underestimate the rate of absorption by the mind. The mind takes in information you are not even aware is present. If you are serious about personal growth and mindset changes, you have got to cull your environment. Know who is saying what and when they are most likely to say it.

Curate Your Environment

Years ago during the recession I was navigating a fledgling business and trying to stay positive in the process when I got a call;

"Toks, you came to mind because I wanted to know how business was doing."

"Well, every day we keep pushing forward. Anyway we are coming to the end of the recession so our only option is going up from here."

"No, haven’t you heard? It’s about to get worse!"

"Well even if it does, I don’t think my industry is badly affected."

"Ah Toks, in fact they have said its your specific market that will be hurt the most."

I started sweating. She was gaining ground. "I continued weakly, well, even if that’s the case, one day it will end."

"Yes of course it will, but the question is will you survive until then? Do you have a plan B?"

She won. I didn’t have a plan B. I didn't know what I'd do if the business folded. I had tried not to think about it but this woman brought it firmly to my attention.

So the next time there was a crisis and she called, I sent her to my voicemail. I typically do this when in a vulnerable place and trying to stay grounded. You have to know what conversations to hold with whom and when. On the other hand, if you have friends that constantly remind you of your abilities you cannot see, you are in good company. Because while I believe we should make decisions and draw conclusions from our spirit, which is one with God, we sometimes reach for our emotions to affirm us. So if I don’t feel capable, I might not attempt the task. You need friends who can see your brilliance and describe it to you when you’re in the dark. That person doesn’t have to be a friend, it can be a mentor or a coach, your spouse or even a coworker.

Good Friends are an Extra Pair of Eyes (and hands)

Another reason you need good friends is they can point out obstacles on your path before you see them. They can be an extra pair of eyes for you. I have stories of when friends warned me about a danger I couldn’t see. Back in secondary school, my friend Ifeayinwa once whispered an examination tip to me. It was maths exam and our teacher famously made all the correct answers except one, C. It was multiple choice with options A to E. Of Course if you found all your answers were C, you’d be thrown off at how ridiculous it was. So my friend walked past me to get some paper and whispered to each of us- her friends, as she went past "numbers 1 to 7 C!"

In boarding school, there were times my friends warned me about a plot by a senior or staff member to punish our class or hostel so we all had the opportunity to escape.

Good Friends Help You Fight

Good friends can help you fight when you are weak. Fighting can mean looking after you when you are ill or bereaved, speaking up for you in your absence or making you look good when you don’t.

Be the Friend You want to Have

Living from the inside out will lead you to connect with the right people. Last year I began to desire a different type of circle of friends. I have my ride or die chicks, and they are not going anywhere, but as I grew, I noticed a growing need to have people with specific qualities in my life. People who would pull me up. I had a picture of the type of friends I wanted, and unknowingly, I started to desire their attributes. This led to me working on myself to acquire these desired traits, and before you knew it, I was beginning to exhibit some of the qualities.

I believe my new qualities attracted the right people to me. You have to be the friend you want to have. What's with noting is that by working on yourself, you are also becoming the type of friend people want in their life. It isn't enough to take good things, you must be willing to become desirable so others are blessed by you.

I believe God has placed people on our path that are specific for our journey. There are people who only come into our lives for a season and that’s all they’re meant to be there for. Some of my closest friends are friends from my school days. There is something so effortless and childlike in our communication, even as adults. But I also have friends today that I met in adulthood, and I trust my life with them. So don’t crop out the possibility of having a close friend that you’ve only just met.

One of the most famous friendships is between Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King. Oprah tells the story of when Gayle was visiting her, this was in her very early days, she found $482 in her coat pocket. She took it out and asked her friend, you want it? And Gayle refused. Ten years later Gayle recounted the story and said she could think of a million things she could have done with the money. Paid her utility bills, bought groceries, filled her tank with petrol, but she didn’t want to ask so Oprah wouldn’t think she wanted her money. That is called self-respect.

To attract the right friends, you have to exhibit the qualities you want to see in your friends. You know what it's like when you meet someone for the first time, and by the end of the evening, you decide I never want to be friends with him or her or would like to hang out. We are constantly being watched in the same way we watch others and while one evening isn’t enough to decide to be besties, a lot can be revealed about a person through conversation.

How to win Friends

In his best-selling book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, one of Dale Carnegie’s tips is to respect people. Even if you don’t agree with their opinion, you don’t have to be rude or forceful about it. People are turned off when you try to be a know it all, denouncing their views and describing it as wrong. There is such a thing as agreeing to disagree. This doesn’t mean don’t have an opinion, rather we should have our opinion but not enforce it on others. The more time you spend working on your inside, the more qualities you’ll discover that you want to either lose or keep.

I discovered only recently that I don’t have the patience for people who want to keep me in the past. I hadn’t spoken to this old friend for a few years and called to see how he was doing. During the conversation, he lectured me on changes I need to make in my life, and how I needed to step up in some areas. I’m sure he meant well. But he was speaking to a version of Toks that no longer existed.

I was taken aback that my friend did not know me, and I felt disrespected by his comments although to be fair, he didn’t do or say anything he wouldn’t normally have said, In the three years since we last connected, I had grown. So it felt like he didn’t recognise my growth and was fixated on my weaknesses; any further conversation would have annoyed me so I hung up.

Good Friends Grow With You

I want to be with people who are passionate about growing and recognise growth when they see it. And he didn’t. This is a new desire because the same conversation wouldn’t have gone left if we’d had it a couple of years ago. This tells us that change can affect friendships. But it is important that you recognise the changes you are going through so you don’t drive good friends away, and you must also recognise and expect your friends’ growth, so they don’t walk away from you.

I believe people will receive you in the way you present yourself to them. If you have insecurity issues and you’re looking for someone to validate your worth, you’ll attract a predator. One who preys on your vulnerability and lack of self-worth. So don’t look for a friend to fill a void in your life, or to make up for the areas you are weak in.

Friendships should be based on mutual love and respect and authenticity. When you are in a friendship with someone who isn’t real, the years erodes the layers and eventually, you’ll be left with someone who doesn’t fit into the space you carved out for them. This means you should also practice authentic living. I define authenticity as the stripping away of embellishments so that the real you shows up. Your real self will recognise and become friends with their real self. There’ll be no weaving and diving, wondering what version of you to present each time you meet.

Know Your Foundation, Know Your Values

I don’t think friends need to have the same interests or be similar in the way they think. Those are relatively surface traits which do not necessarily form the foundation of who we are. What matters, are the values we hold. What are those make or break attributes that you will not compromise on? This does not mean you should only have friends that share the same values as you. But to know what you desire in a friend, you must know who you are and what’s important to you. The more we explore, the more we discover that to have good friends, one must know one’s self and live from the inside out. Here’s my assignment for you this week, take a values test, link below.

Over the years, how have you made some of your most memorable friendships? Also, what's your number one value?

Values Living Questionnaire

How to Win Friends and Influence People

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Did you know that the people in your circle influence the decisions you make? Taking time to inspect your environment and how it is feeding you is crucial, and your relationships form a large part of your environment. In this episode I share, some of my experiences with friendships that have had a limiting effect on me. The stories are true but the names are fictitious. You may find some of these rates in a relative, co-worker or even yourself- as I did. Passive Aggressive Porsha My first Porsha was in secondary school. The day the friendship came to an end was when she borrowed my shoes and refused to give them back. I demanded that they are returned and she threw them at me in anger. In all fairness, we were only 12 or 13 so you can just imagine these little people squabbling :) I was made to feel guilty for requesting that which was rightfully mine. Emotional manipulation is one of the traits of the passive-aggressive friend. The second Porsha had a habit of putting me down in public, and she would do so with a joke. She would wrap an insult neatly inside a joke so that everyone else saw the joke and laughed, but I felt the sting of the insult. So it wasn’t obvious to anyone that she was hurting my feelings. I was in my thirties and we had been friends for a long time. Toks you need to be more gracious. I told myself. More accepting. More mature. The friendships that had been modelled for me, were simply beautiful. My mum has always had strong, kindhearted and admirable women as friends and I was only ever exposed to healthy friendships. The loyalty and love between them filled the space they were in. I have never heard my mum get into a verbal exchange with her friends. Her friends were my aunties and I felt safe with them. So when Porsha number two started her antics- usually in front of a crowd of mutual friends, I thought I simply needed maturing. But life and its challenges can have a clarifying effect on our mind. The day my mind cleared up was the day I ended the friendship. I had been through my storm and was making my way out when I thought, I have enough attack coming from situations I have no control over, and you, I can control. So no more. I wrote a poem and posted it on my blog- I used to write a blog back then called Pawpaw and Mango which was a puree of crazy funny life as a mum and hopeful entrepreneur. So long dear friend. Its been a long ride but the bus stops here. It’s the toxic fumes of constant sarcasm. The poisonous gases of derision and ridicule. Then there’s the pungent smell left after a jibe meant to embarrass. I hope I didn’t bore you during our ride. I hope I was a blessing and in some way positively impacted your life. I hope when we do meet again time would have bred respect in place of familiarity. I hope when we meet again we can still be friends.

That part about familiarity was one that stood out. I believe she was taking me for granted and had no respect for me because she knew me too much- and not because I had secrets that I didn’t want revealed, but it was because if you have insecurities and you get close to your target, you notice the ordinariness of them and your goal becomes to tear them down so you stop feeling less. People like Porsha carry a sense of insecurity and they use others as a step stool to lift themselves higher. In other words, they have a mindset that tells them they are inferior to others, so they try to level the playing field by bringing others down so they can feel superior. It would be years later before I met a third Porsha. This one, I didn’t see coming. I would go as far as saying she concealed that aspect of her character until I got comfy enough to let my guard down. Smart girl, but soon the jibes started. It looked eerily familiar and this time, I wasn’t here for that so I ended the friendship. I did some research into this particular type of toxic friendship and came across an interesting article by Professor Preston Ni. One of the traits he named was Disguised Verbal Hostility. Sounds very much like my second and third Porsha. Here’s a real example- "wow Toks, your hair looks nice today, what’s going on?" Or, "Are you okay? You look stressed." One day I got a phone call- she’d seen me in town but we missed each other. It was a wonderful day. I was having a good one. And her conversation was; "I just saw you, you looked worried. What’s the matter?" I was actually happy. But those words caused me to feel so uncomfortable. Another trait that Prof. Ni mentions is victimhood. This surprised me because I wouldn't have named that a passive-aggressive trait. Once, I spent two hours listening to her woes. I was frustrated because she rejected any suggestions to think or see things differently. All my encouragement didn’t help. She didn’t even let me get a word in. She was incredibly draining and I felt she had vomited over me. I still dodge when I see her in my local Tesco.

In line with my father’s belief that people are basically good, I believe there are people who can be really good friends with these women, and even help them overcome their insecurities, but I wasn’t the one. So I never dismiss people who are toxic to me, I don’t see them as hopeless, or bad, I just let them go so that the persons meant to connect with them can find them.

Opinionated Olivia

Since friendships are made up of two or more people, we cannot ignore the role our personality plays in forging that relationship. I believe there are some combinations that just won’t work. And it might not even be a personality trait issue, it could be a mindset issue. Case in point. Olivia and I had been friends for over a decade. We were there for each other and you know, spent a lot of time together. The friction commenced when I started my living authentically journey. First I noticed undesirable traits in me which I began to work hard to turn around. Olivia also shared some of these traits- which may have even formed the basis of our friendship. So I guess the friction came about as I wrestled against emotions, mindsets and viewpoints that I had a growing dislike for- which she also exhibited. In many ways, I was disassociating myself from the behaviour I no longer wanted to carry out. So our increasingly different mindsets meant I was in a place where I kept having to fight irritation, and that wasn’t easy. We didn’t get into arguments- but I’d arrive home reliving the conversation and getting irritated all over again. I believe in setting boundaries, I also see my friends as concentric circles, some are closer than others but it was the wrong mindsets that made me push this circle all the way out. I was in a place of introspection one morning, trying to make sense of why even though I knew what to do, I didn’t. I’d plan my day meticulously, be all fired up, get to work and do everything except what was on my list. I had mastered the art of being busy but unproductive. So I applied the principle of intention, as shared in episode 5 and dug deep to uncover what was really behind my actions- or rather inactions. Here’s what I found. That I had become so reliant on Olivia’s opinion that I couldn't make my own decisions. Over the years without meaning to, I leaned heavily on her for advice and affirmation of my ideas. And she, on the other hand, wanted to dominate and see her ideas expressed. I think that’s a control issue. Wanting to be the driver of other’s actions. Here’s the thing: if you have not yet grown to have confidence in your ideas, a friendship with Olivia will hold you back. When I stopped giving her access to my mind, the seeds she sowed over the years started to germinate. I could hear her criticism even without being in a friendship with her. So by continuing to tolerate a toxic friendship, you are delaying your own breakthrough. The toxicity in this is two-fold- at least. One. A personality that wants to use others to feed their ego as they impose their ideas. Two. A personality that wants to express her own ideas, but is not bold enough to do so without being approved by others. I, of course, was number two. I provided the platform for number one to be. So I couldn’t be mad at her for taking the advantage that was offered to her. I believe our emotions drive our actions and sometimes we don’t make friends with a person, we make friends with what we hope will stabilise our insecurity or emotional concerns. The responsibility is ours to untie any hang-ups and remove any baggage we may be carrying so we don’t attract the personality that needs the baggage to survive. This means we must prioritise the removal of our limiting beliefs. And this is why I decided to launch a parallel career in public speaking and mindset coaching, and I have been in training for the past six months on how to do just that. So to some, this might sound crazy. Growing two careers side by side while giving equal attention to both- because you know I have my baby furniture company and I am a nursery interior designer- that is one business. And my coaching and speaking platform is a second one. But that’s what happens when you peel back layers of limiting beliefs that have been hiding your superpower. Your gifts all start to rise to the top. And when they do, they fill up the space that your stretching created. A friendship with an Olivia can survive so long as both parties maintain their positions, you know, hold on to their limiting beliefs. The friendship can survive too, if both choose to remove those mindsets and grow together. But I love what Steve Harvey said. You can’t take everybody with you. This was a significant statement that gave me the resilience to set new boundaries for Olivia. And this statement also applies if you are friends with a Rigid Rita. Rigid Rita is close-minded and allergic to growth. She is probably loyal and kind-hearted, but her reluctance to grow will hold you back. We live in a time where things are changing at a rapid pace. You have to be aware of changes going on in the world if you are going to be doing business with anyone outside your family. Ritas simply do not believe in evolving and in the end, it will be like running a two-legged race while your partner walks or stands still. She might be your super-spiritual sister who needs to seek God’s face on whether she should shower at 6am or 6:05. I know a Rita. Now, can you imagine being fiercely loyal to a friend who does not embrace growth? You too will not grow. I mentioned in episode 4 about how I relied so much on the opinions of others and how it tended to happen when I loved or admired the person. I’m not saying you should not be a loyal or loving friend, but if you are moved by emotions, in other words, if your decision making is largely influenced by how you feel, the lines between logic and friend loyalty will become blurred. You run the risk of confusing disagreement with disloyalty and if you are dealing with a passive-aggressive person who uses manipulation, you are in a bit of trouble. Competitive Clarissa This lady here has used you as the template for her advancement. When you turn right, she must turn right twice. She cannot behove the thought of you doing better than her. She may not deliberately try to drown you, but if you are drowning, she’d help you out, then go on to blame you for falling into the river in the first place. She may put down your appearance, or look for ways to one-up you. I know someone that one-up’s every conversation- even if you are talking about illness or tragedy. You are trying to unburden on real issues, and she responds with 'my issue is bigger and more significant than yours.' Loose-Lipped Lolita You better not share any secrets. Here’s a general rule. Anyone who will gossip about their friend is already talking about you. I had a personal experience of this a few years ago. This person talked dirty about her friends, many of whom I had never met. And I eventually got to meet them, only for the love and kisses and hugs to be in full flow. Hm. You would not have believed that these were the same people she spoke so bitterly about. Unfortunately, I already had my opinions about these women and just couldn’t see past the negativity my friend had shared with me. Oh, and word came back that she did to them, she did to me too. Ursula the User. Ursula can only be reached when she wants something from you- Ursula is that girl that is perpetually busy but has time to call you for financial help or to obtain emotional support. She calls to pick your brains and ask for advice. All of which is fine. But when you have a need, she is so sorry but unavailable to help. There’s another side to Ursula which I noticed. She will use you to lift herself out of her insecurity. Your self-doubt is fuel as she thrives on encouraging you. The minute your confidence is restored and you start to know your power. Hmm. The minute you start to utilize your gift, and you have no use for their shoulder; they're gone. They have no more use for you. Do you know an Ursula? I have been at the disadvantaged end of this. It took years to label it for what it was. And that’s something we do. The love we have for others may stop us from admitting the truth of their behaviour to ourselves. My friend Suzy always tells her daughter, my goddaughter that if your friends don’t want to play with you, don’t fret. There are 7 billion people in the world. What is your friendship game like? What does your circle look like? I believe the people in our circle can influence how we think and therefore what we do. Your life- whether it is good or evolving is the result of your environment because your environment feeds your mind. If you are not on my friends' list, jump on at toksaruoture.com so you can be alerted when I announce my coaching classes. Also, please don’t forget to give the Living Inside Out Podcast a five-star rating on the Apple podcast app. I am on social @toksaruoture- first name and surname on Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn. References: 10 signs of a Passive-Aggressive Relationship

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A girl’s first friend is herself, before her siblings if she has any. The closeness and love we have for ourselves I believe forms the foundation of future relationships. Any insecurities we carry are in part responsible for any toxic relationships we are holding on to.

I don’t know about you but as I’ve gotten older, my circle of friends have shrunk. Maybe its because you truly need a village to raise you until you don’t need as much handholding any longer. Letting go of your tribe’s hands can be a sign of growth- although not always. I have picked three types of friends that have helped me grow over the years.

The One who takes you in when you are homeless.

I learned that you cannot tell who your true friends are until you are stripped of everything. Because some people are friends with the things that embellish you. Others are friends with the way you look when you are adorned by nice things- like smokey eyes that are not a part of your everyday look. Still, others are friends with you because of how you make them feel, and no one wants a Debbie downer in their circle. We returned to England homeless and this friend, Suzy, took my growing family into her home. I cannot tell the story of my life without mentioning Suzy’s name. We didn’t grow up together, but we might as well have.

One of the attributes I noticed only when I looked back was that she never looked down on us for not having anything to our name. She saw and still sees the value in people- not in the assets or achievements of others. The joy of having a person who truly sees you and truly loves you is plentiful. You can be yourself and not worry about how they receive you. You don’t have to plan and arrange your words before you speak. You can give them a gift in a paper bag- because you forgot to buy a gift bag. You can even forget their birthday and they will be fine with that. Because they know you. And your friendship goes beyond material things. I came across this quote which aptly describes this sort of friendship:

A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden.

1. The One who will pray with you at 2 am in the morning.

My son was at heaven’s door. The doctors had given up on him. They didn’t know what else to do. Their exact words were, Mrs Aruoture, we have done all we can.’ Shoulders were hunched. Voices were hushed and low. And this scared mother fell to her knees begging the doctors- begging God to try again. It WAS 2 am or so. I called three friends and my aunty in Leicester. I told them to pray. My dear friend Buki is a doctor based in the USA. We have seen each other twice in the last thirty years but with her- that’s neither here nor there. You need that friend too. The one who doesn’t get upset that you didn’t call her. The one who loves you without needing to say so with words. I knew she’d pray. We had prayed together in the past and shared intimate stories.

Shola told me she’d call me right back. And she did, five minutes later. Toks, the reason I said I’d call back was that God woke me up a couple of minutes before you called and told me to expect your call. That freaked me out- but I saved that freaking out for later because I needed to deal with the matter at hand. Shola left her house- her family at 2 in the morning and made the thirty-minute drive to a hospital to sit and pray with her friend. Guys, you need a Shola in your life. For me, it’s two-fold. For years I marvelled at her willingness to get into the cold night and drive to meet me. I struggle to leave my warm duvet to have my quiet time inside my own house, wearing a warm fuzzy housecoat, fuzzy socks and a hot cup of tea. But this woman left her warm bed and headed out. But while I was preparing this episode, I saw a side to the friendship I never considered which is that I had someone in my life that God could speak to on my behalf. And when she showed up, she prayed and cried out to God like she was praying for her own son. She felt the same panic I did, as a mum and feared for our son’s life. And God answered. That 12-year-old son is now 19 and still as cheeky and loving as he was at 12. A quote that describes this type of friend is:

Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know they're always there.

1. The One who can hover above your life and see what’s up.

This is your sensible friend. She is non-judgemental and slow to speak. She doesn’t display desperation to air her views, rather she listens and observes and has the ability to extricate her emotions from what you are freaking out about, so she can make a sensible recommendation in your life. Everyone needs one in their life. I was having a moment. I knew what I wanted to do, I was clear on the direction I needed to grow in but lacked the confidence in my own ability. I had unburdened to my trusty journal. I had shared in passing with my close friends who took just knew I could do what I wanted to do. but what I didn’t tell them was that I couldn’t see what they saw. Until I spoke to Oga. She asked me what was stopping me. And I opened up and told her I had no evidence in my life that I had achieved such a feat. She sat me down and began to school me on what I had successfully done. You go to work every day. You have built a business from scratch. You have a busy household. That's the proof you need. My own concerns were valid. The limitations I identified were true, they were facts. But my friend was able to see that they existed indeed, but my gifts were superior in strength and they could override my weaknesses.

I recognise some of my gifts, but not all. I too am able to hover over the lives of others and see that in the end, they made it. This was what I saw when I looked over another friend’s life. I could see that he had a path ahead of him and it led to a beautiful destination. I saw he was literally overflowing with gifts, but he too did not see them so he couldn’t believe in them. I moved a little left and saw that he was drawing most of his conclusions based on what he saw. I also noticed his emotions played a major part in his beliefs. I saw some obstacles on his path, but there was a way around them. The trouble was he came so close to each that it obscured his vision. If only he could take a few steps back, and trust the directions he was given at the start.

Unofficially, my life has been dedicated to stirring people ways from obstacles in the form of limiting beliefs. I can’t say that I recognised this gift But it really gets to me when I see people struggling completely unaware that they are carrying the solution to their problems. My prayer is that the Living Inside Out Podcast will help you to identify the mindsets, beliefs and filters that have become an obstruction so you can reach out and grab the gifts God has given you. I truly truly believe that we carry in us all we need to progress, but it takes a village to do so. This week I want you to identify the traits you see in your friends and appreciate those that God has placed in your life.

Everyone needs that trusted friend that can zoom out of your life, take an aerial shot and tell you what they see. To attract that friend you need to be vulnerable yet able to put your sensitivity to the side. You must also make room for that friend by removing those who occupy space in your life for the wrong reasons. And that will be in the next episode. Where we will explore toxic friendships. I don’t have a title yet- lol, but we’ll see. We’ll see. I have only shared three traits using three of my friends but there are more and I will introduce them further down the line.

To subscribe to this podcast, hit the subscribe button wherever you are listening. You can also join my friends' list on my website toksaruoture.com

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When it comes to removing wrong mindsets, we have to understand the source. Without knowing how a lie became our truth, we run the risk of layering our minds with the same stuff again. I know myself is a mindset that sounds grand, but it can be limiting. When the certainty of your knowledge of self prevents you from attempting great feats, it is a problem. It is good to know yourself, but don't allow a fixed mindset to rob you of new opportunities. A fixed mindset believes in it's abilities, but doesn't think it can acquire new abilities. A growth mindset is confident even in absence of knowledge or resources; it believes it can obtain what is needed in the future. The victim mentality is one of those sneaky mindsets that does not announce itself. Every effect has a cause and victim mindset points to an external source as the cause of the challenge. A victim is someone who has suffered the effects of a bad situation like crime or illness. The mentality sees every uncomfortable situation not as life happening, but as a crime against them. The victim needs a villain, and the villain can be their parents, their neighbourhood, the government, the rich, etc. Victims share the same lexicon. They use the same words and share similar ideas. They understand each other and attract the same. Going through a major challenge can lead you into victim mode. When we stay in casualty mode, we start to attract people who only feel useful when others are in pain. Beware of friends who only show up to help you when things are rough, but feel useless if you don't need them. If you seem to end up with those sorts of friends, chances are you are attracting them. As we head into the weekend, I want to challenge you to watch the words you use. Which pool are you drawing from? References: Psalm 139: 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well. Proverbs 4:18 The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines ever brighter until the full light of day.

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Mindsets are the basis from which our thoughts are formed. Your mindset is responsible for how you come to conclusions and often, for the thoughts you think. So what happens when we have a negative mindset that Is so believable? We unearth them. In this episode I share three limiting beliefs I discovered where holding me back and how I was able to get rid of them. You don’t just get to change your mindset., you have to unearth it and replace it with the truth. 1. It Is Not Supposed To Be This Way.

This was a mindset I inherited from a friend. I spent so much time listening to her that I started to think like her! Rejecting the circumstance you find yourself in and going in search of a ‘better’ one will take you off course. Consider the possibility that you are simply on a rocky portion of your journey. My remedy for this lie is a question: What is it is supposed to be this way? What would you do? 2. If Only… Then...

The 'if only then' mindset will have you chasing the things you are convinced you need, instead of simply following your own path. A single woman who believes her unhappiness will be resolved by a husband focus on the search of that mr right- when he may have been hidden by the pile of rubble in front of her. When I went through my stormy season, I said a lot of if only’s. If only I could redo the few months before the recession hit. If only I had done this that or the other. I found such fantasies to be really good at helping me escape my harsh reality, but really bad at making my dreams come true. If only, then, keeps you tethered to the spot as you wait for a new, better set of circumstances to emerge before you take that step. The truth that turns that lie on its head is a principle that goes beyond this episode and deserves its own. Its one I call the indifference of a situation. This principle says that circumstances are neither good nor bad. They just are. Its like being born male or female, black or white. Neither is good or bad. Neither is better than the other. But choosing to see your situation as indifferent and even powerless to change itself, gives you the confidence to make the changes. 3. The third lie we believe is I must follow the beaten path

I have had weird and wacky business ideas which I didn’t act on because no one else had done it. I believed there was a template I needed to follow so if my ideas were too unique, then it must not be valid. If this is you, stop. This mindset is lethal to dreams because if you happen to be surrounded by the wrong people, such as a friend who shares the same limiting beliefs as you, he or she will encourage you to follow the beaten path. It is also rooted in insecurity. Here’s the Truth You need to know: You are a uniquely created being inspired by God. In other words, God had a dream and you came true. The practice of authentic living has been the single most impactful principle in my life to date. The day I understood that I was unique and different from every other person was the day I met the real Toks. At the baby cot shop most of our products are individually made to order. So when you purchase a cot bed, you must be prepared to wait for anywhere from 8 to 12 weeks. However, when you receive your furniture, you will be pleasantly surprised. The quality is unmatched. The reason it takes so long is because full attention is paid to each individual piece. We have a range that is carved by hand. This means no two pieces are identical. Now compare that to high street brands. Their cots are mass produced in a country far- far away and each piece is identical to the next one. Here’s the truth: You are a beautiful, work of art. An original that cannot be copied. Did you know that you were not part of a mass production but made individually by hand? God set aside time to craft you. Your thoughts, personality, and ideas are yours alone. No one else thinks like you. Your fingerprint is proof of your one-of-a-kindness. When I sat down to list the mindsets that I had recognised as limiting, I stopped counting when I got to fifteen. But I’ll share three more in Episode #10.

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We have all been there, how one seemingly tiny error ends up setting everything on fire.

A single tweet from Justine Sacco set her career and the Twitterverse, alight. That was in 2015. She posted a racist comment then boarded a 12-hour flight to South Africa. Justine landed to meet the chaos including the loss of her job.

The use of racist slurs along with its denial, plus Mark Fuhrman's refusal to answer a pertinent question changed the outcome of the O.J Simpson trial.

Derek Chauvin, a single thought to kneel on George Floyd's neck resulted in his death and worldwide protests saying what should be pretty obvious, that Black Lives Matter. #blacklivesmatter

Throughout history, we see how a matchstick can set a forest on fire. Whether it is a single word, a social media post or a seemingly irrelevant opinion, it would appear that it is the little balls of fires, not the great ones that wreak the most havoc.

In this episode, we look at how mindsets and beliefs act as receptors just waiting for the right opportunity or fuel to set things ablaze.

But not all fires come to destroy, some come to clear a path for you to go on to greatness. This is what happened for Steve Harvey when he announced Miss Columbia as the winner of the Miss Universe Pageant in 2015.

There is a pivotal moment when the fire has been lit, where if you act quickly enough, you can change the course of things.

Patience: Wait for the urge to pass.
Know your mindsets- and uproot the wrong ones. Mindsets or receptors are waiting for the right moment to cause an explosion. The wrong word spoken by your boss. The ideal situation for a crisis. You cannot change or control external occurrences, but you have power over your own response.
Humility: Choose integrity over popularity and admit your mistake, just like Steve Harvey did.

Have you noticed it isn't the big fires that announce their presence that can ruin things? Its often the little ones, the ones we ignore that change the trajectory of our lives.

Bible references:

Genesis 4:6 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

Read the full blog post at toksaruoture.com

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Emotions are what we experience when a thought moves us to act.

Some are more intense than others and the intense ones are responsible for equally intense actions or beliefs. In this episode, How to Handle Intense Emotions, I share some tips on using the power of fear.

We can either be led by fear, or we can use fear as a springboard to leap forward.

I have learned that you can never understand a person until you are able to get under their skin, enter into their world and see things from their point of view. Their viewpoint is their reality, and realities can be altered by intense feelings.

Tips for handling fear:

Draw boundary lines around areas of your heart so that a powerful feeling of fear or anger, for example, does not go on to disrupt other areas.
Channel it into a physical act. Not one that you have no control over such as rage, but one that will produce results and bring you into a place of peace. A tumultuous mind cannot make smart decisions.
Talk to your sisters or brothers. It is important to have the right people in your life. You need your crazy friends, your confidantes, your calm friends and more.

I would love to carry on this conversation and hear your thoughts. We can do this on social media- @toksaruoture on Facebook, Instagram and Linkedin.

If you’re yet to subscribe, please do so and if you enjoyed this episode, head over to iTunes and give it a five-star rating. I am also growing my listenership and grateful to you for listening, can I ask that you share with your network?

Thank you for listening and remember to live always, from the inside out.

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How do you make decisions- serious ones? Many of us do so based on our emotions. We are driven by the urgency, the pressing need that fear carries or pulled by the impulse joy brings. When we make decisions solely in response to our emotions, we are leaving the outcome to chance.

The trouble is emotions are unreliable. And relying on them can lead us down the wrong path.

In this episode, I share real examples of how I have made decisions based on either fear or joy and the complications that resulted from them.

My hope is that by the end of this episode, you’d rejig your processes and draw from a place deeper than your mind.

Learn more about Emotional Decision Making at toksaruoture.com

Book reference: The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, by Bronnie Ware

Let's carry on the conversation on social: Instagram, Facebook and remember to leave a comment wherever you listen; this helps others find the podcast.

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing

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Your feelings drive your actions. It is possible to have one desire but work towards an unrelated goal, one that your intention dictates.

Here's some news for you; we don't get what we want. We get what we intend.

In this episode, I share a story of how I had the privilege of being mentored by a seasoned, successful businessman, yet I did not experience the business growth I wanted because my intentions did not line up with my desires.

If you don't know what your overall desires are, you will end up being impulsive and create short term fixes which will divert you from your actual goal. You've got to know what is driving your actions.

Read about Hidden Motives at toksaruoture.com and while you're there, why don't you join my friends' list? That way you can be informed of events, upcoming life classes and more.

Connect with me on Instagram, Facebook & LinkedIn: @toksaruoture

Book reference: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

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Crossbreeding has its place in the animal and plant kingdom, but grafting your idea on to someone else's opinion guarantees an infertile result. * Hybrids take the benefits from both sides. * Hybrids are also sterile and don’t have the life to keep reproducing.

Our gifts are given to help us navigate challenges so why do we graft the opinions of others on to ours? You can develop the confidence to trust your ideas and stop running to people to approve them. Your ideas have virtue, or life in them. * Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8 KJV

Read the post on Other People’s Opinions on my blog, toksaruoture.com Have you subscribed? Do so wherever Podcasts are played and don't forget to review this episode on iTunes

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Authenticity is an elixir. It strips off the layers of expectation- ours and theirs- so we can connect as humans and experience the joy of simply being ourselves. Authentic living Is the mould which we fit perfectly into.

You are an original, but your layers need to be removed.
Does what you believe match up to what you say you believe?
There is an invisible part of you that existed before you were created.
Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew[ you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations

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Life comes with upheavals and everyone can name that monumental event that they regard as a landmark one. Chances are, you can also tell the story that led to the event.

The way you tell your story influences others' perception of you, and you can not tell a powerful story if you only see yourself through smudged lenses. Writing your own story gives you the tools to show up in a powerful, confident manner that will lead you to live the life you truly want.

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In this episode, you get to meet me!

I believe that the tools for navigating choppy waters lie buried within us, but are overlayed multiple times over with various mindsets and limiting beliefs. It is the peeling back of those layers to reveal the gifts that will have us living a life of contentment. A perfect storm is a particularly violent storm arising from a rare combination of adverse meteorological factors. Each factor has the power to create a storm, but in this case, they all happen at exactly the same time. Discover more about my perfect storm in this episode. Connect with me on Instagram, Facebook & LinkedIn: @toksaruoture and you can join my friends' list at toksaruoture.com

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