Discovering Our Scars: Recent Episodes
Stephanie Kostopoulos & Beth Demme
Discovering Our Scars Podcast is all about one thing: honest conversations. Steph and Beth talk about things that make most people uncomfortable (religion, mental illness, sexual abuse, and more). Steph and Beth became friends when they poured their hearts out in a 12-Step recovery small group. Neither was dealing with addiction—but both had hurts, habits, and hang-ups they needed to address. Steph’s journey is detailed in her book, Discovering My Scars, and that’s the inspiration for the podcast. While the podcast is inspired by Steph’s book, the hosts expand on subjects that make each person unique. The mission of the podcast is to help people embrace the “embarrassing” parts of their lives and learn to love and value all of themselves. On the podcast, the hosts share their own experiences and invite guests to broaden the conversation by contributing their own wisdom. As in Steph’s book, the podcast does not “tell you what to do,” rather, it has the ability to inspire people through the hosts’ honest and heartfelt approach.Podcast website: dospod.us
Steph and Beth bring their five-year podcast journey to an end. They’ve shared a lot of honest conversations over the years and invited you to bring that conversation into your own life. This episode is no exception. Steph and Beth have shared the stories of their scars, but what stories do your scars tell?
Questions for Reflection
- What is the last chapter of your life you turned the page on? Was it your choice?
- What has changed in your life over the last 5 years?
- Do you have a favorite Discovering Our Scars podcast episode?
- If you were to start a podcast, what would it be about?
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Scars can be beautiful. The injuries that cause them might be terrible, but a scar is beautiful because it is proof of healing and growth. In this episode, Steph and Beth listen to and discuss chapter 15 of Steph’s memoir. The chapter is titled, “Beautiful Scars.” Steph’s journey has not been easy and writing and sharing her story brought its own challenges. In the end, the effort was worth it because so much beauty grew out of the process and the final product. The book ends with the question at the heart of this podcast: What stories do your scars tell? Are you willing to hear them? Come back and join us for episode 160 where we explore that question further and bring the podcast to its conclusion.
Buy Discovering My Scars
Audiobook: https://amzn.to/2XCe9a3
Paperback: https://amzn.to/2O4U5dh
ebook: https://amzn.to/2r8mPsA
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They say “love makes the world go ‘round,” but what is love? What does it mean to love someone? Steph and Beth reflect on their experiences and delve into why love is more than something we feel—it’s something we do.
Questions for Reflection
- Who do you feel love for in your life?
- How do you show love for those people?
- Can you show love for someone you dislike?
- How do you show yourself love?
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More than ten years ago, Steph and her mom were painting a room in Steph’s house when a thought passed through Steph’s mind, “How cool would it be if Home Depot paid us to paint my house?” A few years later, that fleeting thought became a reality. Steph’s DIY hobby converged with her love and talent for video production to become her full-time job. From a college student dealing with life by using unhealthy coping mechanisms, to a self-employed full-time content creator was quite a journey. Steph tells her story in her memoir, Discovering My Scars. In this episode, she and Beth listen to and discuss chapter 14, “Found.”
Questions for Reflection :
- Have you ever dreamed of turning your hobby into a job? Have you done it? Why or why not?
- If you were going to be a content creator, what would your content be focused on?
- Have you ever had a fleeting thought about something that seemed impossible but later came to pass?
- Steph created her business alongside her mom, Vicki. Would you be able to create a business with your mom? Why or why not?
Buy Discovering My Scars
Audiobook: https://amzn.to/2XCe9a3
Paperback: https://amzn.to/2O4U5dh
ebook: https://amzn.to/2r8mPsA
Follow: Steph & Beth
In this episode, special guest Tracy shares her experience as a Christian who happens to be gay. When Tracy “came out,” she struggled to reconcile her sexuality with her belief in Christ. Like many, she was raised to believe that homosexuality and Christianity were incompatible and yet, both existed in her very person. Tracy dove into Bible study and she found that when she was honest about who she was created to be, her relationship with God only grew deeper and stronger. This is an engaging, and deeply personal, testimony about one person’s realization that God made her, accepted her, and loved her, even when the church tried to convince her otherwise.
Show notes:
- How Pride Became Personal, Episode 139
- 1946 the movie
- Doing Justice Together Book
- A Distinctly Wesleyan Spirit-Led Movement of New Christian Communities that Serve the Present Age Book
Questions for Reflection:
- Reflect on Tracy’s story. What resonated with you?
- Is there something about yourself or a part of your life that you’ve been afraid to explore?
- How do you interact with the LGBTQ community?
- What would you say to someone who thinks Christianity and homosexuality are incompatible?
Follow Tracy
- TikTok
- Midweek Grind Facebook
- Midweek Grind IG
Steph and Beth originally met at work where they did a step study, working through all 12 steps together. In this episode they listen to and discuss chapter 13 of Steph’s memoir, Discovering My Scars, where Steph talks about the revelations of abuse that came from working the fourth step, making a searching and fearless moral inventory.
Use these Questions for Reflection to apply this episode in your own life:
- Have you ever taken an inventory of your life? Would you consider it and where would you start?
- Do you have a quirk like Steph’s aversion to sticky things? Where do you think it comes from?
- Have you ever been harmed by a family member or someone you trusted?
- Do you tend to focus on the positive or negative things in life? Do you want that to change?
- Reflect on a miracle moment you’ve experienced in your life.
Buy Discovering My Scars
Audiobook: https://amzn.to/2XCe9a3
Paperback: https://amzn.to/2O4U5dh
ebook: https://amzn.to/2r8mPsA
Follow: Steph & Beth
Although we sometimes say that people can’t or don’t change, the truth is, life is all about change. Hopefully, we are always growing and learning so that we can become a better version of ourselves. Beth was recently going through a box of memories and found a bumper sticker declaring her to be a proud member of an organization she would never support in any form these days! She and Steph reflect on all sorts of (mostly) positive changes from the last several years.
Use these Questions for Reflection to apply this episode to your own life:
(1) Do you believe people can change? Have you changed?
(2) Are you the same person you were in high school? Would the high school version of yourself recognize you today?
(3) If you could forecast the next five or ten years of your life, what changes do you think you might see?
(4) Do people hold us back from growing up?
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Steph
Beth
Chances are good that you’ve heard of “The Twelve Steps.” These are often discussed in the context of addiction recovery, but Steph and Beth both learned a lot by walking the steps as part of a step study. Each step helps you address those hurts, habits, and hangups that get in your way. It was a helpful process for them in that season of life. In this episode, Steph and Beth listen to and discuss chapter 12 of Steph’s memoir and share some of their memories beyond what’s captured in the book.
Questions for Reflection:
(1) What are your hurts, habits, or hang-ups?
(2) Who are the people in your life who keep you accountable? Have you been intentional about developing accountability partners?
(3) Is there something you found beneficial in the past that you wouldn’t participate in now?
(4) Reflect on someone who was in your life for only a season. What was the impact that person made on you? Why did that season end?
Show notes:
Episode 14: Invisible Scars, What We Discover in Recovery (with Lori K.)
Buy Discovering My Scars
Audiobook: https://amzn.to/2XCe9a3
Paperback: https://amzn.to/2O4U5dh
ebook: https://amzn.to/2r8mPsA
Follow: Steph & Beth
At age 36, Steph discovered something important about herself--she is a lesbian. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about how heteronormativity, especially in the church, delayed Steph’s full awareness of who she is created to be.
Questions for Reflection:
(1) Do you think people are born queer?
(2) How have church and society influenced your understanding of who you are?
(3) Would the you of ten years ago recognize yourself today? What might surprise you?
(4) Do you care what the Bible says about homosexuality? Why or why not?
Show notes:
Episode 139, How PRIDE Became Personal
Dr. Steve Harper’s book, Holy Lovewww.1946themovie.com
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Steph
Beth
Steph and Beth continue to listen to the audiobook version of Steph’s memoir, Discovering My Scars, and discuss what is revealed in chapter 11.
At the end of the episode, Steph and Beth offer you these Questions for Reflection:
(1) Have you had the experience of knowing only the next right step? What was that like?
(2) Reflect on the transitions in your life. What is it like when a transition isn’t attached to a life event like graduating from school?
(3) Have you ever had a God-moment (or sense of knowing) like Steph had on the beach?
(4) What does having faith mean to you?
Buy Discovering My Scars
Audiobook: https://amzn.to/2XCe9a3
Paperback: https://amzn.to/2O4U5dh
ebook: https://amzn.to/2r8mPsA
Steph: https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com
Beth: http://bethdemme.com
Steph and Beth continue to listen to the audiobook version of Steph’s memoir, Discovering My Scars, and discuss what is revealed in chapter 10.
In this chapter, God reveals to Steph that she was sexually abused when she was a young child. Steph shares that truth with people she trusts and she finds both common ground and grief.
At the end of the episode, Steph and Beth offer you these Questions for Reflection:
(1) What do you think of how God reveals truth to people?
(2) Have you ever shared a hard truth with a friend and found common ground?
(3) Do you need solid proof to believe things in your own life (like the videotape Steph found), or do you trust your intuition?
(4) Have you discovered someone in your life was not a safe person? What was that reveal like for you?
Buy Discovering My Scars
Audiobook: https://amzn.to/2XCe9a3
Paperback: https://amzn.to/2O4U5dh
ebook: https://amzn.to/2r8mPsA
Steph: https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com
Beth: http://bethdemme.com
Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads, the kind where you wave off a piece of your life and step into the unknown? That's the heart of our latest episode, where Beth and Steph peel back the layers of emotion that accompany the goodbyes we face throughout life. From the annual farewells to years and birthdays, to those deeply personal ones like leaving a job, or even more profound, coping with the loss of someone close, we share our insights and stories on how each parting offers a path to growth.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod149
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
In this episode of the Discovering Our Scars Podcast, hosts Beth Demme and Stephanie Kostopoulos discuss chapter 9 of Steph's memoir, "Discovering My Scars." We unveil the profound power of vulnerability as we navigate the choppy waters of past traumas, workplace mental health, and PTSD.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod148
Buy Discovering My Scars
Audiobook: https://amzn.to/2XCe9a3
Paperback: https://amzn.to/2O4U5dh
ebook: https://amzn.to/2r8mPsA
Follow: Steph & Beth
Join us, Steph and Beth, as we embark on a festive journey to explore the emotional roller coaster that is the holiday season. Ever wondered why holidays stir up such complex emotions? We'll be examining the joy, frustration, comfort, and nostalgia that come with holiday traditions and how our past memories and family dynamics shape our perspectives.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod147
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
In this episode of the Discovering Our Scars Podcast, hosts Beth Demme and Stephanie Kostopoulos discuss chapter 8 of Steph's memoir, "Discovering My Scars." They discuss Steph's experience working at Apple and her passion for the company. They also delve into her experience of being sexually harassed in the workplace and the lack of appropriate response from HR. The episode ends with reflection questions for listeners to consider.
Buy Discovering My Scars Book
Paperback: https://amzn.to/2O4U5dh
ebook: https://amzn.to/2r8mPsA
Audiobook: https://amzn.to/2XCe9a3
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod146
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
In this episode of the Discovering Our Scars podcast, hosts Beth Demme and Stephanie Kostopoulos have an honest conversation with Kristin Barnett about refugees in their community. Kristin, who works with the nonprofit organization Neighborly, shares her experiences working with refugees and the challenges they face in resettlement. At the end of the episode, you’re invited to consider your own experiences with starting over, your perceptions of immigrants, and how you might get involved in nonprofit work.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod145
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com
Kristin Barnett: https://thatsneighborly.org
We continue our journey with Steph through her memoir, Discovering My Scars. Steph and Beth listen to Chapter 7 of the audiobook and discuss it. In this chapter, Steph is released from the mental hospital, but then made to jump through hoops to help other people feel secure or reassured. She tries to go one with life like nothing happened, but a sorority initiation makes it all too real.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod144
Buy Discovering My Scars
Audiobook: https://amzn.to/2XCe9a3
Paperback: https://amzn.to/2O4U5dh
ebook: https://amzn.to/2r8mPsA
Follow: Steph & Beth
September is Suicide Awareness Month. Veterinary professionals are significantly more likely to die by suicide than people working in other professions. Our special guest, Stephanie B., has been a vet professional for many years. She shares her insights about why individuals in this industry are susceptible to this tragic ending.
Show Notes
- Not One More Vet: https://www.nomv.org/
- FOGO: Fear of Going Outside Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fogo-fear-of-going-outside/id1473836011
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod143
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
We continue our journey with Steph through her memoir, Discovering My Scars. Steph and Beth listen to Chapter 6 of the audiobook and discuss it. In this chapter, Steph remains in the mental hospital, more prisoner than patient. She’s told, again, to play the game and do things that will “add positively” to her case. But she experiences moments of awareness and humanity, too. She begins to wonder why her heart and brain are disconnected. She begins to wonder if self-injury is not the issue, but rather the symptom.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod142
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
We’ve all had someone try to guilt trip us. It’s the one trip no one wants to take! In spite of that, there are times we pick up the bags packed for that trip. The thing is, a guilt trip usually isn’t about you at all; it’s about the person trying to manipulate you. Once you know it’s not about you, you realize those aren’t your bags to carry. Don’t we all have enough emotional baggage already?
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod141
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
We continue our journey with Steph through her memoir, Discovering My Scars. Steph and Beth listen to Chapter 5 of the audiobook and discuss it. Steph’s coping mechanism, Non-Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI), is misunderstood by a series of professionals and she is transferred to an intensive treatment psychiatric center. Things go from bad to worse.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod140
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
From the beginning, Steph and Beth planned to be intentional about inviting LGBTQ voices into the conversation. Turns out, that was there all along! This is an honest conversation about a personal realization that PRIDE really is personal.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod139
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
Loss is part of life, but restarting after a major loss can be especially challenging. In this episode, Steph and Beth reflect on recent and long ago losses and how they interrupted life. Whether it’s the loss of a parent, sibling, friend, pet, or job, life invites us to go on. This is an honest conversation about how hard it can be to hear and accept that invitation.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod138
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
We make plans—the BEST plans—and then life does what it does and our plans are for nothing. Steph and Beth planned to have a great start to 2023, but then Steph’s roof started leaking, Beth got COVID, and Steph had to say goodbye to her dog Mac. This is an honest conversation about grief, intentions, catastrophizing, and why the first month of 2023 might have already ruined the year, or not.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod137
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
Daniel is the first guest to three-peat on the podcast! This time he’s here to fill Steph and Beth in on how men think. Are men as superficial as we think? Are they simple or complicated? Daniel addresses this and more in this honest conversation.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod136
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
Rather than making a New Year’s resolution, Steph and Beth invite you to take time for a New Year reflection. Instead of ending the episode with Questions for Reflection, this is an entire episode of Questions for Reflection. Steph and Beth take turns answering questions that reflect on what last year was and what they hope this year will be. There’s a 30-second pause between questions so you can reflect on your own answer (or use your 30-second skip to move forward in the episode).
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod135
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
It’s what Beth considers the most wonderful time of year—Christmas! Despite the importance of this holiday on the Christian calendar, some Christians spend the season being grumpy and unnecessarily aggressive, especially when they hear the phrase Happy Holidays.
Christmas Trivia: https://bethdemme.com/christmastrivia
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod134
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
We continue our journey with Steph through her memoir, Discovering My Scars. Steph and Beth listen to Chapter 4 of the audiobook and discuss it. Steph begins using Non-Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI) as a coping mechanism and, later, admits it to her mom. Her parents immediately help her find a psychologist. This is an honest conversation about everything from pretending to be “normal” to the cleansing power of tears.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod133
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
The typical “American Dream” is to work hard so you can play hard. Success means a family that looks a certain way, a home that looks a certain way, and a life that looks a certain way. And it’s all based on consumption. We buy more to feel more. But is there another way? What is YOUR dream, how has it changed over time, and how will you achieve it?
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod132
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
Our special guest for this episode is Beth’s long-time friend Katrina. Katrina served in the US Army from 1998 to 2014. She served in the US, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Korea. She shares with Steph and Beth what it was like to be in the Army and what it’s like now to be a female veteran. How does it feel for her when someone thanks her for her service? How can civilians best show their appreciation to veterans? She tells us this and more.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod131
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
This is an honest conversation about what happens when we die. Who decides who goes to Hell? Do all Christians believe in Hell? Does Beth have all the answers about the afterlife since she is a pastor? (Spoiler alert: She does not.)
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod130
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
We continue our journey with Steph through her memoir, Discovering My Scars. Steph and Beth listen to Chapter 3 of the audiobook and discuss it. This chapter is about Steph’s first few hours in the mental hospital, when she was in a holding pen like an animal. We talk about some of the patients Steph was with and what it was like for her when her family refused to help her get out.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod129
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
Steph and Beth talk about scars, but what are the steps they’ve taken to be able to actually say they love their scars? Do they love their scars? Why?
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod128
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
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Lisa thought she had a son and twin daughters, but by age four one of the twins began to describe themselves differently. Now, Lisa has a son and boy/girl twins. She generously shares with Steph and Beth how she knew her child’s gender expression was not a phase, but was an accurate description of who he is.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod127
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
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Beth has said before that she chooses to be an easy “yes.” Steph, however, asks questions and gets information before saying yes or no. Beth admits she is a people pleaser with a serious case of FOMO. Steph confesses that she once said no when a friend asked her to be a bridesmaid. What does it mean to be a yes-person? What are the repercussions of saying yes when you should have said no?
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod126
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
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Steph might have a chip on her shoulder when it comes to men, but the reality is men have tremendous power. They make decisions that impact the lives of women in huge ways, often with very little input from women. Steph and Beth discuss why they think men need to do more to change the power dynamics we all live with.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod125
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
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We continue our journey with Steph through her memoir, Discovering My Scars. Steph and Beth listen to Chapter 2 of the audiobook and discuss it. When Steph was fourteen, she was diagnosed with depression. She reacted by denying her feelings and trying to put on a happy face. In high school, she discovered a love for video production and re-built her Girl Scout Troop, but the depression was still there. Steph reflects on that and more in this episode. This episode is an invitation to reflect on what you remember about your own childhood and how key experiences as a child and teenager still influence who you are today.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod124
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
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Beth’s daughter, Hannah, recently turned 18 and graduated from high school.
In this episode, Steph and Beth toss out not-so-rapid-fire questions at her about life and what she’s figured out so far. She answers questions about politics, personal rights, and more. When you were 18, how would you have answered these questions? How have your answers changed?
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod123
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
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Steph’s memoir, Discovering My Scars, is the inspiration for this podcast. For the first time, Steph and Beth listen to the audiobook version together and discuss it. This episode covers the Introduction and Chapter One. Steph introduces the story and explains her motivation for writing and sharing it. Then we are with her as she uses NSSI as a coping mechanism and ends up in a mental hospital—a traumatic and dehumanizing experience. More episodes like this will be sprinkled in the feed in the coming months.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod122
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
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The events of the last few years have helped Steph and Beth see that there’s a lot they don’t know about racism in America. This episode is about what they’ve been learning recently, specifically about the racism at the heart of the case of the Groveland Four and the Rosewood massacre. Both happened in Florida, the state where Steph and Beth were born, raised, and educated, but they only recently learned about these racist atrocities.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod121
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
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Rev. Dr. Latricia Edwards Scriven is a joy-filled person. She actually exudes joy. She joins Steph and Beth for a conversation about why joy matters, how it’s different from happiness, and how it is a skill that can be practiced. Latricia explains that there is nothing naïve or innocent about joy, it is a choice. Sometimes joy is even an act of defiance.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod120
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Latricia Edwards Scriven: https://laughingblackjesus.com
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com
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May is Mental Health Awareness Month and it’s also the anniversary of when Steph and Beth launched this podcast! In this episode, they talk about some of their darkest mental health moments. If you’ve experienced darkness, know there’s no stigma attached to you.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod119
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
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We are programmed to think it’s wrong to be selfish. But what if … it’s good? Steph and Beth explore the benefits of selfishness.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod118
Voicemail & text: (850) 270-3308
Stephanie Kostopoulos : https://www.stephaniekostopoulos.com/
Beth Demme: http://bethdemme.com/
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Beth is a pastor in The United Methodist Church, but in this episode she and Steph discuss whether she should leave it behind. The UMC is undergoing a schism of sorts. Current denominational rules exclude LGBTQ+ Christians from serving as pastors and prohibit all pastors from performing weddings for LGBTQ+ individuals. There is a broad movement to change those rules and some who want to keep those rules are leaving the UMC to form a new denomination called the Global Methodist Church. “Should” Beth leave, too?
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When Steph was in the mental hospital, Pastor Matt visited her. He brought her clothes and the journal that ended up being the beginning of her book, Discovering My Scars. You heard Steph’s side of the story in Episode 2 and here you can hear Matt’s side of Steph’s story. How did they end up in the same city? How did he know she was in the mental hospital? What did he think when he heard that where she was and why? How did it feel for him to see her at her worst? Pastor Matt answers these questions and more. As always, the episode ends with Questions for Reflection, inviting you to apply the conversation in your own life.
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Ballerinas and figure skaters are graceful. Some folks exhibit grace under pressure. We say grace before a meal (at least, that’s what people call it where Steph and Beth live). So, what IS grace anyway? Steph asks Pastor Beth to explain “grace,” and together they explore how grace exists culturally outside of any religious context. What is the connection between grace and gratitude? Why does it feel like grace when another person honors our humanity? Listen to this episode and see how this honest conversation might apply in your own life.
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For two years, the COVID pandemic has been our shared global experience. Two years in, we have to ask, have things changed FOR GOOD? Have they changed permanently? Have things changed in a way that is beneficial? Steph and Beth review their own lives and find new commitments to public health as well as new friendships and other positives that have emerged from the last two years.
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From the earliest days of dreaming about the podcast, Steph and Beth knew they wanted to have Dr. Jill as a guest. The long-awaited day has arrived! Dr. Jill joins Steph and Beth for a conversation about the kinds of people we all need to stop wasting our emotions on. This is a great conversation about narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy, and more.
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Dr. Jill Ricke: https://aftermath-surviving-psychopathy.org/
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Let’s face it, no one gets through life without some brokenness. We don’t choose our brokenness, but we can choose how we react to it. Do we see our brokenness as something ugly, or can we see the beauty in our healing and recovery? We aren’t saying we are broken but nonetheless beautiful, we are saying we are broken and that brokenness? It’s beautiful.
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Some words trigger an involuntary reaction or feeling in us. Steph and Beth share personal experiences with words that bother them. For Beth, it’s hearing someone claim the Bible CLEARLY says something. For Steph, it’s being called GIRL. For both of them, it’s being told they SHOULD do or say something. Sometimes trigger words are a minor annoyance, but sometimes they relate to past trauma and harm. How do we identify our triggers and communicate with others about them? How do we respect other people’s triggers? And, have we collectively become too sensitive? Steph and Beth talk about all of this and more in Episode 111.
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When Ryan was a little girl, she told people that when she was all grown up she wanted to be a chair. When she was sixteen, a car accident left her a paraplegic. She wouldn’t be a chair, but she would live life from a wheelchair. From the days immediately following the accident, to trying out for the US Paralympic Team, to becoming a mom, Ryan has made the brave decision to live, really live. She Her story is interesting and her resilience is inspiring.
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Ryan Rae Harbuck: https://www.ryanraeharbuck.com/
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Sometimes life gives us an experience we don’t want to remember. Sometimes life gives us an experience we can’t bear to remember. But what happens when one of those memories finds its way into our consciousness? Can we trust it? Will others trust it? Steph and Beth talk about repressed and suppressed memories and how their resurfacing can invite us to genuine healing.
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Beth stands up in church every Sunday and preaches about God. Does that mean she has no doubts? Would having doubts make her a bad pastor? In this episode, Steph and Beth explore faith and doubt and how they can co-exist (or not). They also have an honest conversation about doubt related to institutions like church, government, school, and more.
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We’ve probably all been told to stop crying. There’s something about tears and the emotions they represent that makes people uncomfortable. In this episode, Steph and Beth explore the cleansing power of tears and the discomfort they cause.
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Do you need an incentive to do the right thing? How often do we do the right thing without asking, “what’s in it for ME?” Steph and Beth talk about incentives of all sizes and how they seem to motivate (or not) people to do the right thing.
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Sandy Phillips Kirkham was just a teenager who loved church. It was a place she felt accepted and celebrated. When a new youth pastor was hired, he saw Sandy’s love for the church and used it against her. He started grooming her for a long-term abusive relationship before her sixteenth birthday. When the abuse was finally discovered, the church moved the pastor on to another congregation (after celebrating him with a big going away party) and they asked Sandy to worship elsewhere. Sandy’s story teaches us church is a place where victims are susceptible to predators because the institution is set-up for inherent trust—something predators know well.
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The pandemic has caused some of us to live in a sort of hibernation. Instead of spending time with friends in real life we’ve either not spent time with friends or we’ve settled for Zoom, social media, or some other slightly disconnected form of connection. As Steph and Beth spend time with friends again, they’re remembering how wonderful it is to have a community, a squad, or whatever you call that group of people who are your people.
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When we aren’t feeling our best, it can be hard to know what coping mechanism to reach for. Having a plan in advance is like preparing for a hurricane. You can stock your mental health toolkit with a list of healthy coping mechanisms, to reduce the chance that you will default to an unhealthy one. In episode 103, Steph and Beth share what’s in their healthy toolkit and why. As part of the Questions for Reflection at the end of the episode, they invite you to build your own toolkit so you’ll have it handy when you need it most.
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Katie Langston joins Steph and Beth to talk about her memoir, Sealed: An Unexpected Journey Into the Heart of Grace. Katie grew up in a devoutly Mormon family where she learned that God’s love was conditional and her actions could cause God to reject her. She worried about her inability to please God so much that it triggered a form of OCD called scrupulosity. As an adult, Katie experienced the unexpected grace of God in a way that changed the trajectory of her life. Katie talks with Steph and Beth about Mormonism, her journey to Christianity, and more. This is a fun conversation about serious topics.
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Steph and Beth are both self-proclaimed rule followers, but sometimes the rules are meant to be broken (or, at least, bent)! Steph was always curious about the network of underground tunnels at Disney World. She looked forward to exploring them when she was hired to work there, but it turned out she didn’t technically have permission to access them. When a friend who was a former employee encouraged her to explore them, she did it! This is Steph’s story of bending the rules.
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It’s important to celebrate, but how often do we take the time to actually do it? Steph and Beth decided 100 episodes was definitely worth celebrating! They headed to Disney World to celebrate and record this episode. Celebration includes time to reflect on what has been accomplished as well as projecting what is to come. This episode includes all of that and more.
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Grief is uniquely experienced by each person, but Steph and Beth share their experiences with the grieving process and feelings of grief. This episode releases on the anniversary of two deaths in Beth’s personal life—her brother who died in 1999 and her neighbor who died in 2020. Steph shares what it was like to lose her grandparents during the pandemic. They also reflect on how the pandemic has been a shared traumatic experience that has resulted in untold grief. This is an episode about something everyone experiences, but few people talk about.
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What makes something a sport and what makes someone an athlete? Steph and Beth have a conversation about whether competitive food eaters are athletes. Steph says yes, Beth says no. Have a listen and see where you land.
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What is meant when someone says, “dress for the job you want”? It communicates that they think you should want more and, therefore, you are not currently enough. Steph and Beth never like to hear a “should,” including this one. This is a conversation about when pushing for more is a good thing and when it’s detrimental.
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As an undergrad, Laurel got an amazing opportunity. She participated in a summer research project in Armenia. She got more than she bargained for when a wild bear charged her in the forest, knocked her down, and began attacking her abdomen and pelvic area. With no time to decide whether to fight, flee, or freeze, Laurel went into survival mode. She tells Steph and Beth what happened, how she survived, and why she chose to go back to Armenia the very next summer.
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Beth served as an intern in the Spiritual Care Department at a local hospital for several months in early 2021. In this episode, she tells Steph about some of the characters she met. She talks about the most surprising conversations, the saddest times, and she shares what it was like to be around death on a regular basis. This conversation will get you thinking about surprising people you’ve met and the stories you’ve heard that have deeply affected you.
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Steph and Beth ask each other the ten questions from the show, The Actors’ Studio. They each have a different reaction to the idea of small talk and the questions themselves. This is a conversation about … conversation. Would you rather ask questions or answer questions? What makes asking and answering questions so challenging?
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In Episode 92, special guest Skaie Knox talked about her husband as a “kind person.” That got Steph and Beth thinking about kindness. What does it mean to be kind? When you hear the word “kindness,” do you think of acts of kindness or people who are kind? What’s the difference? Steph and Beth talk about their experiences with kindness and their experiences with attempted kindness (like the time Beth’s Dad rearranged her pantry for her!).
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Skaie Knox is a musician and storyteller who Steph met through their shared work as DIY professionals. In this episode, Skaie shares what it was like for her to grow up with an abusive and explosive father. She shares how that trauma has informed and influenced her journey, without defining who she is as a person. She used to face life fists up, always ready to defend herself and defend her right to exist. Now, after a lot of healing, she approaches life chest up—confident rather than defensive. Skaie leads with her heart because of the legacy of love that comes to her from her grandfather and through her mother. Skaie also shares her brand new song, Come Around, that explores that legacy of love.
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Steph and Beth both have a lifetime of experience being part of the Christian church. Although they normally avoid asking what others “should” do, this episode is an honest conversation about what the church (and all religions) should be doing to make the world a better place. Are their expectations misplaced or is should the church be doing more?
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Steph and Beth both consider themselves allies to the LGBTQIA community. In this episode, Beth shares how her views have changed and how her ally-ship has matured over the years. She used to believe that a Christian with a same gender attraction would need to live a celibate lifestyle, but when she thought critically and carefully about that question, she reached a different conclusion. Every lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, or asexual person bears the image of God. Too often churches seek to make LGBTQIA persons feel like their sexuality is sinful rather than understanding it as part of the diversity of God's creation. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about how views are changing, and need to continue to change.
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Juneteenth is the celebration the emancipation of enslaved people in the US. The Emancipation Proclamation was signed in 1862, but it didn’t make its way to Texas until 1865. In this episode, Steph and Beth are joined by Dr. Darryl Scriven who shares his personal experience as an African American learning about and celebrating Juneteenth. We talk about the importance of understanding our history when it comes to the enslavement of people and why the end of enslavement is something we can all celebrate. NOTE: At the time this episode was recorded, Juneteenth had not yet been recognized as a federal holiday. To read about the law changing that (effective June 17, 2021), see the link in the show notes.
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Beth was recently summoned for jury duty. She had mixed feelings. She knew what it was like to present a case to a jury, but she had never been a juror before. Though she was curious, she doubted she would be chosen to serve and she worried the whole thing would be a waste of time. To her surprise, she was selected to be a juror and got to serve! Overall, Beth had a great experience. She and Steph talk about what it was like for Beth to be on the inside of the jury box, what it means to fulfill our civic duty, and how hard it can be to avoid group-think and advocate for an unpopular position.
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Steph and Beth celebrate the second anniversary of the podcast! They introduce a new tagline to make it clear they are all about sharing personal experiences and learning from each other. Of course, honest conversations are the best way to make that happen and that’s still foundational to Discovering Our Scars. If you have a long-term goal or project, this episode will resonate with you and invite you to consider what’s working and what needs to change. Steph and Beth have found that planning is essential, but so is flexibility. They have fun reflecting on the good and not-so-good, and sharing what they’ve learned about working together and the joy of mutual commitment.
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Steph and Beth are joined in this episode by Steph’s high school friend, Megan. As high school ended, Steph could see that Megan was struggling with depression. Unknown to Megan, Steph was struggling, too. Steph tried to “fix” Megan, rather than working on herself but Megan wasn’t ready. They drifted apart for a few years. When they reconnected, they realized how similar their struggles were, and they became closer than ever. It turned out, mental illness made their friendship stronger.
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Steph and Beth talk about times they’ve been diagnosed and how helpful it is to know what you are facing. For Steph, a diagnosis of PTSD felt like a relief because she understood what she was dealing with and she knew that her psychologist understood, too. For Beth, knowing what type of cancer she had was instrumental in getting the right treatment. In general, no one likes to be labeled, but it turns out that labels can be helpful sometimes. Knowing what you are dealing with can make it seem manageable—including when you are dealing with a friend, co-worker, or family member who has a particular diagnosis whether it’s Dyslexia, ADHD, Autism, or even Diabetes.
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Steph and Beth both grew up hearing about “Stranger Danger.” The idea of a stranger is amorphous and unclear, and it only alerts children to potential external danger. But most child abuse happens at the hands of someone the child knows—that was the case for Steph. She was abused by someone her family trusted. This is an honest conversation about why potential danger from within a family, a church, or a social circle can be hard for adults to process, and even harder to guard children against. Maybe instead of teaching “Stranger Danger,” we do better to teach kids to trust their gut and talk to a grownup.
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In this episode, Beth tries to call Steph out for failing to say “Bless You” when someone sneezes. Steph asks why we say “excuse me” or “bless you” in response to normal bodily functions. Why do we have a problem with our bodies doing what they need to do, when they need to do it? This is an honest conversation about politeness and social conventions that we take on without even thinking about them. Steph and Beth also discuss the ways in which politeness might lead us to apologize in insincere ways.
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Experts say that hate against AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islander) communities has risen during the COVID-19 pandemic. In this episode, Steph and Beth are joined by Beth’s friend, Dr. Su Wang. Beth and Su grew up together in Pensacola, Florida. Su says that during those days, she tried to assimilate into the White community and sometimes felt embarrassed by her family’s Taiwanese roots. Su now proudly serves as the Medical Director for the Chinese Medical Program at Saint Barnabas Medical Center in New Jersey. Su shares honestly about what it has been like for her, her patients, and her family, in the wake of rising hate incidents targeted at Asian individuals. She also shares resources that can help anyone do their part to #StopAsianHate and helps educate us on the history of Asian Hate in the United States.
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Some people are talking about weight gain during the pandemic as their “COVID-19,” a nod to the “Freshman 15” (the idea that people often gain fifteen pounds during their first year of college). This prompted Steph and Beth to have a conversation Beth has been avoiding—a conversation about weight, body size, and health. Beth has been overweight her entire life and she knows that most people look at her and assume she is unhealthy. For Beth, our cultural fixation on weight as the single determining factor for whether someone is healthy or unhealthy is a little much. Steph and Beth also consider the importance of ads showing a variety of body shapes, sizes, and skin tones because healthy looks different on each person. This is an honest conversation about how health and weight are conflated in our culture, and how that gets justified under the broader banner of “attractiveness.”
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After a year of living under the weight of a pandemic, we have a new hope; we have vaccines! Steph and Beth each chose to get vaccinated for COVID-19, but they also recognize there are reasons why some folks are hesitant. This is an honest conversation about COVID, vaccines, and how we can make space for disagreement in the midst of hope.
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Dese’Rae Stage, creator of Live Through This, joins Steph and Beth for an honest conversation about suicide. Dese’Rae is a suicidologist and a suicide attempt survivor. She created Live Through This to reduce the stigma and shame around suicide by giving suicide attempt survivors a chance to tell their stories. Too often, suicidality is described using impersonal statistics and anonymous reports. Dese’Rae uses her gifts for photography and storytelling—skills she honed photographing and promoting bands—to help us understand the stories behind the numbers. You might think Dese’Rae’s work as a suicidologist is about death, but actually it’s about life. This conversation is filled with real talk, humor, and practical tips and terminology.
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Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what sin is, what it isn’t, and who decides. They delve into the ethics of sin by asking questions like: If murder is sin then is the executioner who carries out the death penalty committing a sin? And in what ways is sin individual and in what ways is it communal? Are there things that are okay for some people to do, but sinful when done by others? Can you commit a sin and not even know you’ve done it, or does sin require awareness? What if you are raised in a sinful system where a sin like racism is perpetuated? Steph and Beth also talk about how some people seem to be laser focused on the sins of other people without any apparent awareness of their own shortcomings.
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What does your name say about who you are? In this episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about the connection between name and identity. Beth talks about her ill-fated middle-school attempt to go by her actual name (Elizabeth). She also talks about the decision to change her children’s names when they were adopted. She explains that, while their Russian names were special and important, naming a child is an opportunity to give them roots and a sense of family connection. Steph talks about choosing her public-facing name and using that as an opportunity to honor a part of her family heritage that might otherwise have been lost. Also, Beth shares which nicknames she really can’t stand!
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Never underestimate the importance of being part of something bigger than yourself. Steph and Beth were each part of Girl Scouts, but Steph took it much farther than most—all the way to the end of high school, in fact! Steph sold cookies and earned badges along the way but as a senior in high school she earned the prestigious Gold Award. In this episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about how the things we experience in high school can shape us for the rest of our lives.
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Prayer is the ultimate honest conversation. God is not a vending machine and prayer is not about putting in our order. Why do some people have an active prayer life? What do they get out of it? And talking to God is one thing, but what about hearing from God? Is it weird to hear an audible voice and know that it’s God? Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what it’s like for them to talk to—and hear from—God.
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After the “Love? Actually” episode a few weeks ago, a friend asked Steph if—based on what she said in that episode—she might be asexual. After learning a bit about asexuality, Steph and Beth decided to tackle that exact question: Is Steph asexual? Asexuality, represented by the “A” in LGBTQIA, is the absence (or near absence) of sexual attraction or desire for sexual activity. As ever, Steph is vulnerable in letting listeners into the most private spaces of her life in hopes that it will encourage others to be similarly authentic. If the question of asexuality makes you slightly uncomfortable, we encourage you to listen to this episode with an open mind and an open heart. This is an honest conversation about sexuality, sexual trauma, labels, and cultural views of virginity.
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Divorce is a deeply personal, life-changing event that can be hard to talk about. Neither Steph nor Beth has ever been divorced, so they brought in Beth’s friend Christi Gray for this honest conversation. Christi is a lawyer who has specialized exclusively in family law (i.e., divorces and what happens afterward) for ten years. Christi brings not only her professional experience but also her personal experience to this conversation. She explains how divorce is not only a legal proceeding but also a psychological process and why it is that it only takes one person to end a marriage. Steph, Beth, and Christi talk about all of the reasons people get divorced, what it costs, how long it takes, and how a little bit of knowledge about divorce can influence good decisions related to marriage.
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In episodes 35 and 39, Steph and Beth explored the 2020 Black Lives Matter protests and the reality of white privilege. In this episode they check in on their ongoing learning. They have an honest conversation about why it’s important for white people to do this work for themselves (rather than expecting our black friends to do it) and how our upbringing and educational system can get in the way of our learning. For example, growing up in the South, Steph and Beth both learned to celebrate the success of plantation owners rather than questioning an economy built on the enslavement of humans. And what about Black History Month? It may have started with a positive intention but has it become a way to keep our history segregated? As always the episode ends with Questions for Reflection so you can reflect on the conversation in your own life.
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Some people can casually say, “I love you,” but for others it’s an almost sacred phrase that is reserved for the most special of circumstances and people. Steph and Beth explore their experience with love—the word and the emotion. Beth has been in love with her husband since she was a teenager, but isn’t there more to “love” than romantic love? Steph understood love in a new way when her first nephew was born. Beth only understood unconditional love after she became a mom. In this episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what makes them feel loved and what it means to them.
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Virtue signaling generally refers to an empty act, but is virtue signaling all bad? We each have virtues that we deem important and sometimes we want to signal them. Plus, awareness is valuable and what seems like a meaningless gesture might bring attention that generates change. What do we do when companies signal virtues we disagree with? Do we stop doing business with them or is that taking it too far? Steph and Beth talk about the Capitol riots, Breast Cancer awareness month, the ALS Ice Bucket challenge, corporate virtue signaling, Chick-Fil-A, and more as they explore the concept of virtue signaling.
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How often have you heard someone say, “I’m a good person. I’m not prejudiced!”? Are the two mutually exclusive? Is our desire to label people good and bad at the heart of our inability to admit and address our prejudices? Steph and Beth admit and explore some of their prejudices, where they come from, and how they impact their interactions even today. Steph shares about a prejudice it was hard to admit to Beth. Beth talks about a recent experience at work that opened her eyes to a prejudice she didn’t realize she had. This is an honest conversation about the reality that prejudice exists, even among “good” people.
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On January 6, 2020, rioters entered the U.S. Capitol in an attempt to overthrow the government and thwart the certification of the Electoral College results. We’ve launched into 2021 with words straight out of the history books—insurrection, sedition, coup, and treason. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about how this event has affected them. What is their understanding of what led to this? Was it predictable, surprising, or both? Whether you are still trying to process how you feel about what happened on January 6 or you’ve already moved on, we hope you find this conversation helpful.
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Six years ago Steph’s friend David began revealing to people that he is gay. In this episode, he joins Steph and Beth for an honest conversation about what that was like. Straight people never have to “come out” to their parents, declaring their attraction to another gender. When we step back and look at what our LGBTQ+ friends go through, we can see how strange it must be. For David, being honest about his attraction to men meant relinquishing leadership and teaching roles at his church and risking a rift with close family and friends. David is generous in telling his story. He talks about his surprise and appreciation for the people who chose not to reject him and he extends tremendous grace to those folks who tried to express their concern for his eternal salvation based on the “choice” they believed he was making. David even pauses to point out that life for him as a white gay man is privileged, unlike the lives of transgender persons of color. This graciousness pervades David’s story and his outlook on life.
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A mentor once told Steph that her hobby and her job had to be two different things. On this episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about jobs and hobbies. The dichotomy between the work you do for money and the things you do for fun is an old way of looking at things that doesn’t represent today’s lifestyles. To really unpack that question, Steph and Beth have a conversation about hobby stores, the TV show The Office, pets, video games, and more. Plus, they delve into today’s trend to monetize every aspect of our time, including our hobbies. As always, the show ends with questions for reflection to help you apply the conversation in your own life.
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Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about the use of #Blessed. While it can be intended to show appreciation, it also has some troubling implications. If you aren’t #blessed, are you #cursed? Also, what do we mean when we say “God Bless America?” And why do we say “God bless you” when someone sneezes? It turns out if you sneeze around Steph, she probably won’t say a thing! How can we discern people’s motives or intentions about #Blessed and does it even matter? Is there a difference between being #Blessed and seeing #Blessings in your life?
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2020 has been a year like no other. It brought us together and tore us apart all at the same time. We endured debates about the efficacy of wearing a mask AND we endured presidential debates. Police misconduct and brutality brought our need for anti-racist ideas to the forefront. And in the midst of it all we stopped shaking hands, eating in restaurants, and traveling on planes. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about the highs and lows of 2020.
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Just as Samuel Moore-Sobel was about to start his sophomore year in high school, his face was burned by sulfuric acid. In a flash, his life was changed forever. Samuel endured many surgeries to address the physical injuries, but soon he realized the emotional trauma he suffered was just as real as the burns on his face. In this episode, Samuel joins Steph and Beth for an honest conversation about how his physical and emotional scars led him to a new understanding of the universality of suffering.
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What does it mean to “cancel” someone? Why does it happen and who gets to decide? Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about canceling, boycotting, and harnessing the power of group think on social media. They talk specifically about JK Rowling and questions about her support for transgender individuals, but also about the broader question of why we want to cancel the people we disagree with on political or social issues. And, what do we do about celebrities like Bill Cosby and Michael Jackson? Does the concept of cancel culture apply to them?
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When we are young children, we think our parents are practically super-human. We think they can do no wrong. We think they follow the rules, especially the ones they set. But, at some point, we realize they are just humans who make mistakes and sometimes break the rules—even rules they come up with themselves. When Steph was 14-years old, her father revealed that he had another daughter; a child born before he met Steph’s mom. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about how our own self-confidence can be shaken when our confidence in our parents takes a hit. Steph and Beth also talk about how ideas about God as “the Father” can elevate our ideas about dads (or lower our ideas about God). Ultimately, accepting our parents’ flaws can be a pathway to self-acceptance.
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Steph and Beth are joined by Rev. Betsy Ouellette Zierden for an honest conversation about how we tend to hold onto ideas that we know don’t work. Sometimes we have ideas about the Bible, God, our family of origin, or even ourselves that help us for a time, but then get in our way. Steph had to let go of her ideas about the importance of job security in order to leave her job at Apple and launch her full-time DIY business. Betsy, an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church, had to let go of the idea that God didn’t call women to preach and pastor. Beth had to let go of ideas that connected her self-worth to her productivity. Steph, Beth, and Betsy talk about everything from systemic racism to religion the Bible and more in this episode.
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Life is a mixture of the good and bad. Sometimes the tough experiences leave scars—physical and emotional—but those experiences also form who we are. Scars are reminders of the hard moments and tough experiences, but they also prove that we are capable of healing. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about their scars and the gratitude they feel for the healing those scars represent, both physical and emotional.
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A conspiracy theory used to mean an idea that was completely on the fringe, but today it seems there are a growing number of conspiracy theories and an increasing number of people willing to take them at face value. To explore this phenomenon, Steph and Beth go inside their own experiences with conspiracy theories. For many years, Steph believed the moon landing was a hoax. Similarly, when Beth’s children were young she worried there was a link between autism and vaccines. How did they navigate through those conspiracy theories and how does that help them navigate new conspiracy theories today? They also have an honest conversation about how much Christianity can seem like a conspiracy theory even though it isn’t.
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In Steph’s work as a DIY’er on YouTube she often gets comments telling her to get back in the kitchen. The title Episode 57 comes straight from one of those comments. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what’s at the heart of these comments and why they aren’t okay. Do the men who make these comments realize how insecure it makes them sound? Do they realize how demeaning it is to suggest that a woman’s “place” is in the kitchen? What’s the deal with the idea of a “resting B___ face” and why isn’t there a male counterpart? Steph and Beth talk about using power tools, feminism, egalitarianism, gender identity, and more.
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In these highly polarized times, can people with completely different political views have an honest conversation? Is there value in this kind of conversation? Steph and Beth invite Steph’s friend Daniel back to the podcast. He’s a conservative with well-researched and strongly-held opinions who was willing to give it a try. They talk about some tools that are helpful when engaging with people who disagree and then delve into tough issues including white supremacy, abortion, and the 2020 Presidential Election. After you listen, you can decide for yourself if a conservative and a liberal can have an honest conversation about politics and whether it’s even worth it.
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Sometimes we just have to say it: life is a lot right now. From COVID-19 to the upcoming election, our relationships are strained, our nerves are fried, and our personal emotional reserves are nearly depleted. Differing political viewpoints and differing ideas about public health have always existed, so what is it about this particular season that makes it feel heavier? In this episode, Steph shares her decision to fire her long-time recovery sponsor and how that led to an incident of self-harm. She and Beth talk about what prompted her to fall back to an unhealthy coping mechanism and what she will do differently going forward. If you’ve felt sick and tired lately, this episode will resonate with you.
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We each have different hats we wear at work and at home, but do we also wear masks that hide who we truly are? Are there times when it is healthy and appropriate to hide our feelings? Steph and Beth have an honest conversation wearing masks and why it’s important not to wear a mask so long you lose track of who you are. Steph asks if we can safely put on the mask for the person we want to be (like we would dress for the job we want) or is that unhealthy? Beth realizes, almost mid-sentence, that she is old school when it comes to job interview attire. There is also talk about the ways that people sometimes hold up mirrors so they never have to reveal themselves, always reflecting ourselves back to us. This episode even includes an honest conversation about heaven and hell and the masks church folks wear. Also -- stay tuned for a good chuckle about pronunciations.
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Money is something that is essential and yet it’s one of those things we are taught not to talk about. In fact, culture says it’s downright rude to discuss money. The reality is many of us are carrying around money scars. Steph and Beth both share honestly about the money messages communicated to them as they were growing up. Beth gently teases Steph about Steph’s excellent credit score, and shares a life hack for how she recently gained fifty additional points on her credit score. This is an honest conversation about how fear and anxiety about money can create scars that impact our financial present and future.
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Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about dreaming big and being ready for your dreams to come true. They talk about whether there is a difference between an idea, a goal, and a dream. They also address the reality that we sometimes let other people discourage our dreams. Steph and Beth both share about dreams that have come true and some that are still in the “maybe” phase. They offer Questions for Reflection for you to think about how dreaming big applies to you and they close the show with Slice of Life, a chat about what’s happening now.
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For the first time ever, Steph and Beth host two special guests at the same time, twin sisters Pam Bates and Paula Patty. Steph and Beth ask all the questions you’ve ever wanted to ask twins, but were afraid to ask. Do they sometimes feel each other’s pain? Do they have the same likes and dislikes? Pam and Paula have just released their first book, The Most Amazing Harvest: The Man Behind the Story. The book is the story of an amazing community event that happened when Pam’s late husband Carl was diagnosed with terminal cancer shortly before harvest time. Pam and Paula talk with Steph and Beth about what it was like to collaborate on their book and what it’s like to collaborate on life together.
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Show hosts, Stephanie Kostopoulos and Beth Demme, share their experience with forgiveness. They talk about why there are times it is more powerful to forgive and remember than it is to forgive and forget. Also, we sometimes think of forgiveness as a response to an apology, but Steph and Beth have discovered that forgiveness isn’t necessarily tied to an apology. In fact, they’ve discovered that forgiveness is a choice. A choice that is powerful when applied to others, and ourselves.
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Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about silence. They reflect on why it’s important to have silence, but why it can be hard to come by. Steph loves to be in the quiet of the woods, but Beth tends to be a verbal processor who’s never really in silence because of a condition called Tinnitus. They also talk about why we tend to avoid silence. Is it because it seems heavy (like a moment of silence), lonely, or even boring? If so, what are we missing out on when we fill every space? Are we, on some level, afraid or unwilling to be alone with our thoughts? Whether you’re someone who values silence or someone who needs noise, you’ll find something in this conversation that seems like it’s just for you.
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Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about the difference between empathy and pity. Why do we feel sorry for people, and how do we communicate those feelings? How can we communicate empathy in a way that builds relationships instead of cutting off communication? Steph and Beth reflect on how it has felt to receive pity from other people and how that has informed the way they communicate to others. They also discuss how examining why we pity another person can produce self-awareness and personal growth.
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In Episode 47, Steph and Beth are joined by special guest, Daniel Kuykendall. Steph and Daniel worked together at Apple about a decade ago and they’ve been friends ever since. Daniel is a commercial photographer and videographer, but he’s a guest on this episode to talk about something much more personal—his life as a Type 1 Diabetic. This is an honest conversation about the emotional and financial costs of a lifelong illness. Daniel shares openly about what life is like with an insulin pump and how he deals with the constant finger pricks and fluctuating blood sugar. He talks about some of the thoughtless comments people make and how he’s learned to deal with insensitive questions. Steph and Beth then invite you to reflect on how you’ve reacted to people who are dealing with lifelong illness and how Daniel’s story might impact your reactions.
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In Episode 46, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what it’s like to lose someone during a pandemic. There has been a lot of attention on COVID deaths—rightly so—but how has COVID changed our grieving process even when COVID is not the cause of death? Steph shares stories about her grandmother who passed away (not from COVID) on the morning this episode was recorded. Beth talks about how COVID has disrupted funerals and memorial service rituals we normally rely on. COVID is a shared experience that seems to be making hard things harder. Then in Slice of Life, Steph and Beth each share a story about something happening in their lives right now.
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In Episode 45, Steph and Beth talk about the #MeToo movement and some of their #MeToo moments. They explore when the movement started and how they became aware of it. They have a healthy discussion about what they each think the phrase “sexual harassment” means (or doesn’t). Steph shares about being at an industry event and being touched inappropriately by an executive. Beth shares how memories of #MeToo moments from years ago linger and wonders out loud if her 40-something self would respond differently than her 20-something self. These experiences are important for women (and men!) to not only acknowledge, but talk about openly. When we shy away from bringing these incidents to light, we create an environment where they can fester. Then in the Questions for Reflection, they invite you to reflect on the #MeToo movement and whether you’ve had your own #MeToo moments.
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In Episode 44, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about the pain of invisible emotional scars. If we break a bone, it gets set in a cast and no one doubts our pain. No one can see our emotional scars, but they manifest in a variety of ways. The cast tells the world we need to heal, but there’s nothing to signal our need for emotional healing—or is there? Steph and Beth talk about reacting to bad drivers and what to do when customer service becomes customer dis-service. Also, how does the current mask debate reflect those internal, invisible, emotional scars that too many people are carrying? Join Steph and Beth for a revealing conversation about the pain of invisible scars.
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In Episode 43, Steph and Beth are joined by Jamie Kocur, author of My CCM Soundtracked Life: How I Became Disillusioned With the Music That Once Captivated Me. Jamie grew up a church-goer, but in her teens she became the kind of Christian who listened to only CCM (Contemporary Christian Music) and minimized her exposure to secular influences. She says she was “quietly judgmental” during that time. Working with the African Children’s Choir, she experienced a spontaneous, personal form of worship. When she returned to the US, the worship style that had captivated and sustained her, now felt empty. It felt like it was manufactured happiness, rather than sincere worship. Feeling disconnected in worship led her to question other things about her faith. Jamie has an honest conversation with Steph and Beth about what that journey was like and where she finds herself now. They talk about the lie that becoming a Christian guarantees instant happiness and only happiness. And why Christians are so often defined by what they are against.
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In Episode 42, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about Beth’s first career choice—lawyer. It seems like people love to hate lawyers, until they need one. They talk about everything from OJ Simpson to Casey Anthony to downloading a will from the internet (Spoiler Alert: Don’t Do That!). Are lawyers all in it just for the money, or is there something else driving them? Why did Beth choose to become a lawyer? What are some of the differences between criminal law and civil law? What kind of law did Beth practice? This is an honest conversation that will give you an insider’s perspective on the practice of law, for better or for worse.
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In Episode 41, Steph and Beth explore the art of asking for what you want. You have to know what you want in order to ask for it. Voice assistants like Siri, and Alexa (Steph and Beth’s favorite!) can only respond to a command when it is clearly stated. This translates into our human interactions, too. Whether you are dealing with a boss, a co-worker, a vendor, or even a sub-contractor on a home improvement project, you have to know what you want so you can clearly communicate your expectations. Sometimes when women are clear they are perceived as being bossy. Why is that and what can we do about it? What is the difference between someone who is a bully and someone who is bossy? Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about how voice assistants are teaching us all to be more clear.
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In Episode 40, Steph shares how working for Disney took ten years off her life. She initially worked at a show, but when she was chosen to be a cast member for a ride, everything changed. The stakes were much higher. Guest safety meant that there were times when Steph had to literally make a life and death decision in a split-second. Disney fans will love to hear what it’s like behind the magic. But even if you aren’t a Disney aficionado, you’ll relate to this story about what it’s like when you first realize you are responsible for another person’s well-being.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod40
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In Episode 39, Steph and Beth reflect on what they have learned so far from the Black Lives Matter Movement. They both recognize that, as white women, they have a lot to learn and that refusing to learn allows racism to continue unchallenged. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about Juneteenth, Defund the Police, White Fragility, the effects of “Law and Order” government, and more. They also talk about how Steph’s mental hospital experience supports the idea that the police are being asked to do too much when it comes to non-criminal actions. This is an honest reflection about the importance of listening. Ratings and reviews are welcome, or you can leave a comment at dospod.us.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod39
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In Episode 38, Beth’s 16-year-old daughter joins Steph and Beth for an honest conversation about something that half the world’s population will deal with at some point—periods. Despite Beth’s reluctance, they tackle this from the perspective of three women in three different generations (Gen X, Millennial, and Gen Z). From Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret? to birth control pills, body shame, and even menopause, what do they share and what is unique to each generation? Is this something men should be in conversation about? Also, why do schools and businesses provide toilet paper free of charge, but not feminine products? Why aren’t we doing more to address the problem of young women missing school just because they lack the monthly supplies they need? This is a lighthearted conversation about an important topic.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://bit.ly/dospod38
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In Episode 37, Steph and Beth celebrate Beth’s Seminary graduation by talking about gender and calling. They share their experiences as women in male-dominated fields and how they handle internet trolls. They also have an honest conversation about the fact that some denominations do not allow women to preach and teach. Why is Beth a pastor even though the Bible says at 1 Timothy 2:12 that women can’t be pastors? Is Beth ignoring the Bible? Beth shares her experiences as a female pastor, including encounters with those who deny her calling (she also explains why it’s called a “calling”). In this episode you’ll also learn who Junia was and why she matters to anyone who wants to take the Bible seriously. (Note: There is a mention in this episode of remote podcasting as a practice of social distancing. We have since resumed meeting in person. We intended to release this episode earlier, but bumped it to provide content related to Black Lives Matter.)
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e37
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In Episode 36, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI). This is one of many unhealthy coping mechanisms people deal with, and it is one Steph has personal experience with. Steph shares how it feels when abuse causes a disconnect between brain and heart and why that sometimes leads to self-injury. This is an honest, and vulnerable, conversation about how and why we sometimes do things we don’t understand.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e36
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In Episode 35, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation with software engineer and DIY Blogger, Ashley Basnight, about #BlackLivesMatter. Recognizing that they, as two white women, definitely do NOT have all the answers, Steph and Beth reached out to Ashley with their uncomfortable questions. The three have an authentic conversation about why All Lives Matter is an insensitive and inappropriate response to #BlackLivesMatter, why protesting is important, why rioting and looting are happening, and why word choice matters when it comes to race.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e35
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In Episode 34, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about anxiety. Steph shares about a recent panic attack and how it was different from what she’s experienced in the past. Although anxiety and depression sometimes occur together, that isn’t always the case. Steph shares what’s on her “Anxiety List”— her go-to strategies when she experiences another panic attack. Her healthy toolkit includes a variety of strategies such as drinking water, calling a friend, using a weighted blanket, or using an emergency medication. It can be hard to admit we’re having a hard time, but being able to make that admission is a sign of emotional health.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e34
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In Episode 33, Steph and Beth return to their regularly scheduled programming after an 8-week series about the coronavirus pandemic. This episode is an honest conversation about why it’s important to be the authority on yourself. It’s important, but also difficult. Self-awareness takes courage! Steph and Beth talk about times they lacked the courage to really know themselves and what helped move them forward. What distracts us from self-awareness and what are the fears that derail us? How does loving yourself open you up to receive love? Beth talks about getting married at age 20 and how her marriage has opened up space for her to learn to love herself.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e33
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In Episode 32, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what the pandemic has done to them ... in a good way. Why did it take a pandemic for Beth to feel rested? Why did it take a pandemic for Steph to truly enjoy her porch? How has the pandemic let you go of things you thought were non-negotiable or absolutely essential, like eating in restaurants? Steph and Beth even realize it took a pandemic for them to do not only a podcast series, but to move the podcast into weekly production!
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e32
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In Episode 31, recorded on May 6, 2020, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about states reopening in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic. Why are we acting like this is all over when … it isn’t? If reopening is important, isn’t it important that we do it well? Can’t we all agree that masks are just pants for your face and everyone should be wearing one in public?
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e31
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In Episode 30, recorded on April 29, 2020, Steph and Beth are joined by Charlene Garrett of Global Outreach and GOinnovation. Charlene works with missionaries and NGO’s in several countries throughout the world. She joins Steph and Beth for an honest conversation about how this pandemic is impacting everyday life globally. As we all stay “safer at home,” our perspective can be severely reduced. News reports don’t always help because they are focused on the progression of the disease or the politics of the progression, and less on the changes to daily life. Charlene takes us from HERE to THERE, sharing from her direct experience with folks working in Ethiopia, Jordan, and more. She also talks about why the idea of a “pivot” is more appealing that the idea of “change,” and how innovation is more essential than ever before.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e30
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In Episode 29, recorded on April 22, 2020, Steph and Beth talk about the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. Five+ weeks in, we’ve all endured a significant amount of change. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about how shocking it all is, what habits this time has helped them break, and what new habits they hope will continue post-quarantine.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e29
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In Episode 28, recorded on April 15, 2020, Steph and Beth talk about the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. Four (or more?) weeks in, with so many of us living under shelter-at-home orders, we seem to be losing track of time. Most of what distinguished Monday from Friday has been lost as our routines have been dismantled. In the midst of this on-going pandemic, we find ourselves asking, what day is it anyway? Time sometimes loses meaning in the midst of grief or tragedy and that links our current experience with those times.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e28
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In Episode 27, recorded on April 8, 2020, Steph and Beth talk about the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. At the beginning of the outbreak in the US, when states started issuing stay-at-home orders, social media posts suggested everyone was planning to be VERY productive during this time. Three (or more?) weeks in, Steph and Beth are just wondering, is it okay to not be okay?
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e27
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In Episode 26, recorded on April 1, 2020, Steph and Beth talk about the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. They discuss sorting through the volumes of information that area available and the challenge of knowing which information is trustworthy. They also discuss concern over trusting people—who is a source of contagion and who is it safe to be around? This episode’s Questions for Reflection invite you to pause and consider the interaction of trustworthiness and neighborliness.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e26
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In Episode 25, recorded on March 25, 2020, Steph and Beth talk about their experiences during their first week of #socialdistancing and trying to stay home as much as possible. Steph asks Beth how she, as a pastor, reacts to the idea that people don’t have to take precautions because God will protect them. Also, is this a judgment from God? (Spoiler Alert: Beth said it isn’t.) This episode’s Questions for Reflection invite you to pause and reflect on how social distancing and the disruption to your routine is affecting you.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e25
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In Episode 24, recorded on March 18, 2020, Steph and Beth talk about their experiences traveling during the earliest days of the Coronavirus outbreak in the United States. Steph shares her experience of being in Nashville as things in the US started to close. She was especially rocked by the news that Disney was closing. As a former Disney employee, she understands how unprecedented an extended closure is. Beth and her family were supposed to leave for Spain on Friday the 13th, but shifted to Plan B, a road trip. Then, while they were on their road trip, the news came out that we shouldn’t be in groups of more than ten. They turned around halfway to their destination and came home. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about the anxiety this disruption is creating. And they share their different approaches to the news. One is practically addicted to news alerts, the other chooses to read the news on her own terms. As always, this Episode includes Questions for Reflection, inviting you to pause and think about how this situation is affecting you.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e24
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In Episode 23, Steph and Beth talk politics. They share their stories of registering to vote—one a Democrat, the other a Republican. In spite of their differing party affiliations, they find they agree on most things. If the whole country could speak honestly about their political opinions, would we find more agreement? To practice the art of political disagreement, Steph and Beth discuss the legalization of marijuana, one of the hot topics they do NOT agree on. And yet, the conversation remained cordial and respectful. So, why does politics feel so negative that the thought of it literally makes us groan? And how can we each do our part to move the conversation forward in an emotionally healthy way?
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e23
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When Emily was about a year old, she had a surgery that left her with a permanent physical impairment. In this episode of Discovering Our Scars, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation with Steph’s longtime friend Emily about what it’s like to have a disability everyone can see. What do people say? What do people avoid saying? It will make you wonder—what’s the first thing people notice about you? Emily talks about online dating, the importance of a positive attitude, and how it felt when someone called her goblin. This conversation also reveals the one place where society prefers the word “handicap” over the word “disability.”
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e22
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Back in 2002, Beth and her husband found out they couldn’t have biological children. Their adoption journey became an international adventure that ultimately required four trips to Russia and thousands of dollars. This is an honest conversation about Beth’s journey to motherhood including talk about why she didn’t adopt from her own country, why she travelled with thousands of dollars in US currency, and what NOT to say to adoptive families.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e21
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A lot of people say they want to write a book one day, or that they wish they could be self-employed. Other folks talk about making a career pivot. Steph and Beth dissect their experience with these challenges to discover how they made courage more than a concept. It was courageous for Steph to write a book, but Steph didn’t see it that way until Beth pointed it out. It was courageous for Beth to change careers, but she didn’t see it that way until Steph pointed it out. It takes courage to put together a podcast. How did they find the courage to get started? How do they find the courage to keep going? Also, in this episode, Steph and Beth explore the concept of “my truth,” and what that phrase actually means.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e20a
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Every January, lots of people make New Year’s Resolutions and other goals. We hear lots of chatter about physical goals, but people rarely (ever?) talk about their mental health goals. People go for annual physical check-ups, but no one seems to talk about going for an annual mental health check-up. Why is it easier to talk about our physical health? People would rather talk about a colonoscopy than their decision to go to counseling! Steph and Beth think out loud by why we divide our mental health from our physical health when we have only one body.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e19
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It’s a song for children, “Jesus loves me, this I know.” But, it isn’t something we all know. In fact, there are a lot of people who call themselves Christians who don’t seem to really understand that Jesus loves them. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what they believe when it comes to Jesus loving them, and why.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e18
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Every December, parents start telling their children that Santa is watching. Parents tell children they need to behave to make it onto the Nice List. No one wants to be on Santa’s Naughty List! But, isn’t this a lie? Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about the role Santa Claus plays in our culture. Steph says Santa is a lie. Beth says Santa is a metaphor. They talk about how they viewed Santa as children, what it was like for them to find out the truth about Santa Claus, and what role Santa plays in their life now. Steph talks about the time her parents convinced her Santa was real by finding a piece of his torn Santa suit in the fireplace. Beth confesses to deceiving her kids with fake “From Santa” labels, and more. Also, which dessert is the holiest? Should we be leaving Angel Food Cake for Santa instead of cookies? If we were to leave a dessert for Jesus what would we leave? Listen in as Beth explains why Steph shouldn’t leave ham for Jesus!
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e17
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We all know we need margin (or, in Christianese, Sabbath). And yet, we still give into societal pressure to fill our days. Important people are valuable people. Important people are also busy. Therefore, busy people are valuable. Busy-ness has become an excuse, a crutch. Steph and Beth mine their own lives to understand where this idea comes from. Was it TV? Did we learn it as children or did we pick it up in adulthood? Like our eyes need margin to process what we read in a book, our heart needs margin to process what we feel. How do we balance our desire to live a meaningful life with our need for margin? Do we really appreciate how the two are connected? Also, why did the people in Friends have so much free time? And is there a connection between their free time and the name of their favorite coffee shop? Does their time in Central Perk give time for what really matters to percolate to the surface?
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e16
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About the same time Steph and Beth started planning the podcast, Steph adopted a greyhound she named Mac. Adopting a dog was a big responsibility, but Steph was ready! Even with all of her research and preparation, Steph could not have predicted the amount of joy and emotional health Mac brings to her life. It turns out that having more responsibility in her life has made Steph less stressed. In this episode, Steph and Beth explore that paradox.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e15
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Listen in as Steph shares her story at a Celebrate Recovery meeting. Steph explains what brought her to use Non-Suicidal Self-Injury as a coping mechanism, how the trauma of being admitted to a mental hospital resulted in PTSD, and how her mustard-seed sized faith led to a transformation. When she discovered she was sexually abused as a child, she knew she didn’t want that to define her life or her identity. To be emotionally healthy, she needed the right tools. In this bonus show, she shares a little about how she built that tool box and what she puts in it.
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We all have invisible scars. Sometimes we think that because no one can see them, we don’t need to deal with them. Other times, they remain invisible to us even as they impact our relationships, our sense of self-worth, and more. In this episode, Steph and Beth welcome special guest Lori K. who facilitated their first 12-step study. The three talk about the painful reality of invisible scars and how a recovery group can awareness and healing to those hurting places.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e14
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What’s it like to have dyslexia? What’s it like to have dyslexia and then decide to write a book? Steph shares some about her experience, including the anxiety she already feels about being put on the spot to read her book in public. Dealing with dyslexia has taught Steph about perseverance and hard work—skills that serve her well today as an online content creator. They also discover that Beth worked at one of the places Steph’s mom would take her as a reward for her hard work. You’ll get a loofah update and a special voicemail from a friend sparks a side conversation about noise-cancelling headphones.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e13
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Welcome to the Discovering Our Scars podcast, where we have honest conversations about things that make us different.
Hosted by Steph & Beth. Visit dospod.us for more episodes!
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What is prayer? Where, how, and why do people do it? Is prayer about changing God’s mind? Are prayer and meditation the same thing? Steph and Beth tackle all of these questions and more. Beth shares why she doesn’t pray in the bathroom, but Steph gives her a new perspective that leaves her re-thinking her position. Steph and Beth talk about pre-written prayers that are meaningful to them, like the Serenity Prayer and the Covenant Prayer, but they also acknowledge there are a lot of clichés about prayer that muddy the waters. Why are some prayers answered, while others seem to be ignored and how have Steph and Beth handled being on both ends of that spectrum? This honest conversation about prayer will probably encourage you in some ways, but frustrate you in others. That’s what real conversation does.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e12
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9/11 was a touchstone moment. It defined our country for a time, and in some ways it defines the world for Steph’s generation. In this Episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about how 9/11 challenged and changed some of their perceptions, while also stirring up their patriotism. Steph reads an excerpt from her book where she talks about what it was like to have a brother in the Air Force, deployed to Afghanistan in the wake of the 9/11 attack. Together they wonder if they’ve talked about 9/11 enough and they consider what they could say. They even delve into the question: Did God make the 9/11 attack happen?
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e11
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Steph and Beth have their very first guest! Steph’s mom, Vicki, stops by to discuss why she and Steph are not friends. They have an amazing relationship built on mutual respect, dialogue, and having fun together, but they are NOT friends. Even now that they are colleagues and business partners, they still aren’t friends. Beth shares why she takes the same approach with her kids—choosing motherhood over friendship. In this episode, Beth reminds Steph of the first time they met (which Steph didn’t remember!) and how Vicki was instrumental in that meeting. This Episode is packed with emotional moments, including Vicki’s emotional re-telling of how it felt for her when Steph told her she was dealing with Non-Suicidal Self-Injury.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e10
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According to Myers-Briggs, Steph is an ISTJ. Beth is an ESFJ. What’s it like when an introvert and an extrovert try to create together? How does the introvert make sure she’s heard? How does the extrovert make sure she’s listening? These personality tendencies can be overcome, but how? In this episode, we explore how extroverts and introverts both gain energy and how they can do that without diminishing or belittling the other. You’ll also hear Steph have a physical reaction to Beth’s declaration that she enjoys small talk. And, Beth admits she thought interrupting people was a way to show interest.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e9
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Steph and Beth both used social media long before they were creating online content. This episode is a conversation about how they stay emotionally healthy in the midst of a push to share more and more online. Beth shares why she loves Twitter, and Steph shares why she prefers Instagram. They talk about how their online interactions have changed as social media has changed, and as their work has become increasingly reliant on social media. Find out why Steph hides most people on Facebook and what happened when she got called out at work for something she posted. What stresses Beth out on social media and how does it suit her extroverted tendencies? This is an honest conversation about the reality that we each spend a lot of time on social media and in online spaces, and we need to maintain a healthy online selfie.
Full transcript and show notes: https://dospod.us/e8
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/dospod)
What does it feel like to be depressed? What do you do if someone you care about is depressed? Can a person be depressed without being suicidal? Steph and Beth talk about this and more on this episode of Discovering Our Scars. Steph shares about being diagnosed with depression at age 14. Beth shares about a time she correctly predicted she would be incorrectly diagnosed as bipolar. They both talk about why they think therapy is a valuable tool for every person, and why medication is right for some, but not all, folks. You’ll get some tools for your toolkit (you can borrow some of Steph’s) and some practical tips about how to react if someone you care about is dealing with depression.
Full transcript and show notes: https://dospod.us/e7
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How often does someone else tell you what you “should” do? Whether it’s said with the best of intentions or as a passive-aggressive ploy, Steph and Beth have had enough of it. They explore some of the “shoulds” friends, family, and society have laid on them. From career choices, to family choices, to how they live and spend their free time, they’ve both received a lot of “shoulds” and even been guilty of “shoulding” on themselves. In this honest conversation, Steph and Beth explore how to respond to both internal and external “shoulds” and discern which ones to keep and which ones to delete.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e6
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Steph and Beth are both Christians, though one prefers to call herself a Christ-follower. One goes to church weekly, one is comfortable not attending church regularly. They set out to discuss some of the most common clichés about Christians and end up talking about what irks them most about other Christians. The cliché Christian isn’t just a problem for those outside Christianity! Steph and Beth find that even as Christian insiders, they too worry about Christians who are overly judgmental, hypocritical, anti-LGBTQ+, and closed-minded. Listen in on an honest conversation that they admit makes them truly uncomfortable.
Full transcript and show notes: https://dospod.us/e5
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What is the difference between anger and rage? Steph and Beth have both struggled with anger and rage. In this episode they explore what it was like at its worst. They discuss how rage manifested itself as anger plus a destructive action or behavior. Steph took it out on herself and Beth took it out on her kids. This episode’s honest conversation also leads them to discover an important link in their individual struggles—rage was worse when life felt out of control. They also both found that unforgiveness was holding them back and feelings they thought could be denied or managed just waited and festered.
Listen to what they’ve learned over the years and how it is that neither of them struggles with rage these days. Listen in as they explore what healthy coping mechanisms have replaced #ragebursts. They also delve into the idea that hurting others is more socially acceptable than hurting yourself. Steph was sent to a mental hospital for hurting herself. What would have happened if she had hurt the person she was actually mad at?
Full Transcript and show notes: https://dospod.us/e4
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Beth thought she was having surgery to remove an ovary covered in cysts. After an initial scare, she had been pain free for months. Her bloodwork showed she was cancer free and her doctors reassured her the surgery was almost routine. Ovarian cysts are a common problem for women, there was nothing to be worried about. But during the surgery, the surgeon suspected the problem was more serious. Within a few days, pathology confirmed his suspicions. Beth’s ovary wasn’t covered in cysts, it had instead been consumed by a cancerous Granulosa Cell tumor. He told Beth the news she had convinced herself she would never hear, “Beth, you have ovarian cancer.”
In this episode, Steph and Beth explore what it was like for Beth to hear that news, what life was like after that, and what she’s learned about how to talk to people with cancer.
Full transcript and show notes here: https://dospod.us/e3
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In 2006, Steph found herself somewhere she never expected to be—a mental hospital. Steph had been using Non-Suicidal Self-Injury as a coping mechanism for a couple of years, but when a roommate issue escalated, her coping mechanism did too. All of the frustration Steph felt about the ways her roommate repeatedly disrespected her space and her wishes poured out in a cutting session that left her arm looking like “raw hamburger meat.” She was ushered to a mental illness clearinghouse and then to a mental hospital where she was fed medication with little regard for her actual needs. The experience altered her in surprising ways. When she finally sought help, she realized she needed to deal with the pain and confusion of her time in the mental hospital before she could deal with what sent her there in the first place.
In this episode, Steph talks about her trip to the mental hospital, including what landed her there, how it felt to be there, and what she wishes had been done differently.
Full show notes and transcript is available here: https://dospod.us/e2
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In episode 1, Steph and Beth take the first step—they introduce themselves! But as you’ll hear in this episode, taking things one step at a time is a great tool for getting things done.
Beth and Steph talk about how they first became friends and share about the big pivots they’ve made in their lives in the time since they first met. How did Steph go from Lead Creative with Apple to working at a church to launching Mother Daughter Projects? How did Beth go from being a lawyer to writing a blog and becoming a pastor?
You’ll also get a preview of Steph’s book, Discovering My Scars, and hear these friends have an honest conversation about why they are entering the world of podcasting.
Full Episode Show Notes and Transcript here: https://dospod.us/intro
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/dospod)