The Slump podcast: Recent Episodes
The Slump
The Slump is a podcast designed for lazy people who don't quite understand this modern, fast-paced world. If you're feeling tired, hungover, bored, or in any way lethargic, then this is quite literally a podcast.
It's finally here, the last episode of The Slump, all 2 hours and 6 minutes of it.
Featuring classics like Condiment Corner, Cyberdesk, Kickster Watch, and even a new advert for Deep Voiced Anthems.
It's long enough to ensure that by the time you've finished listening, you'll never want to hear us again, and thus your withdrawal will be complete.
Thanks to everyone for your listenership over the years, it's been really fun. We've been fairly mediocre.
Bye bye.
We're back with a microslump, and some pretty massive news, (and it's not that we're pregnant, even though Ian said it was).
It's our Christmas episode and you know what that means... robots! Also bad Christmas songs. And Scott Stapp. Christmas.
Like a spaceman from afar in a Christmas song by Chris De Burgh, the Slump 307 has arrived from space (the internet), to bring you good cheer.
This isn't the official Christmas episode, but we still talk about quite a lot of Christmas stuff. And Japanese sweets, we talk about those too. And tin cans for idiots.
Bye.
The Slump is back, having not been there for a week, and the relief amongst the population is palpable, we imagine.
With Brendan off exploring Asia, we have An Italian join us in the studio to help out, but fear not Bren-fans, because he's still here, with a thrilling Asian travelogue.
It's quite literally a podcast, so listen good.
This week there are discussions about testosterone, Coca-Cola, and other curious substances. Actually, those are the main two substances. There might be others, I can't remember now.
Anyway, it was fun at the time. We hope you enjoy it too.
Quizzes, Saints and Bees. A sentence you can sing to the tune of Gypsies Tramps and Thieves by Cher if you like (because it would work well).
More importantly, a few topics that we discuss on the Slump this week. Also, Barry Scott gets talked about.
Think that's it. Bye.
Dan and Brendan return to talk into a microphone about things that vaguely interest or amuse them both. Things like a big pretend moon, a dress made of human hair, and a purse made from a dog's head. And those are all genuine topics.
Ian didn't return to talk into a microphone as he wasn't there that day, but we've checked and he's fine.
Hello you. Another episode of the Slump, ripe for the listening. This week: underfloor heating, amnesia, and the unwelcome return of the CyberDesk jingle.
It's a phrase that's increasingly-used these days: This week it's a semi-planned podcast.
But don't fret, because if you enjoy discussions about cranes, taps, names and the Backstreet Boys being back, then you'll still find much to enjoy here.
Bye.
It's Slump 300, or as Dan called it at one point "The 300th anniversary of the Slump" idiot.
Anyway, due to laziness and busy-ness, it's not particularly different to a normal Slump, although there are more fanfares and it's a bit longer. And we say "300" a lot.
Thanks to everyone who's ever listened ever, we hope this doesn't put you off listening in the future.
The boys are back in town, though much less rowdy than the ones in the song that I took the initial bit of this sentence from.
Actually, Brendan was quite rowdy this week. Some might say disruptive. It's fine though, we're over it.
This week, we discussed Italians, eggs, and what the hell happens at Screwfix Live.
Last week Brendan struck out with an outrageous promise and this week we make good on that promise, because that's what we do. We stick to our word. Unlike SOME people. I have no-one specifically in mind, but it's true that some people don't stick to our word. We do stick to our word though. Podcast.
A new Slump is here, with two people talking: One called Ian, one called Dan (Brendan was off sick).
They discuss lasers, Italians, and ridiculous high end fashion.
Listen, on some kind of commute perhaps.
This week's episode is a few days late. Mind you, what's the point of being called The Slump if you're relentlessly punctual eh?
Anyway, inside there's a song, a long advert and all manner of other things. However, something is missing...
Art and installations, feeding croissants to waterfoul, boiling rubber eggs, going on a journey with Hotpoint.
Right now these are but words to you, but upon listening to the 295th episode of the Slump, you shall become enlightened in their meaning.
The chaps have been out for a team-building exercise, by which we mean they went to some pubs. And they've strengthened their bonds to such an extent that they decided to sit in a studio for a while, talking about topics as diverse as chess, delinquent drivers, and more that I can't remember as I type this.
It's a bit of a different Slump this week, as due to an accidental non-pressing of a crucial button, we didn't actually record the podcast. To make up for it, we did a new podcast but as a Facebook live video thing, so you can watch us instead.
Then we realised that a lot of people won't bother doing that, so we've taken the audio from that and put it here. So it's a bit like a podcast and a bit not.
You should watch the Facebook thing anyway, cos it's like we're on TV, and you can pretend you've just discovered a really niche new show.
Dan's gone all louche, swanning about town like an oligarch's plaything, Ian's been to Sweden, and Brendan has just been normal. There is talk of condiments, a strange McDonalds Robin Hood, and a whole heap of passive aggression from Dan towards the others.
Ian is in Sweden hunting Daim bars this week, and without his calming influence, Dan and Brendan get a bit more passive aggressive than usual. It makes for a palpable frisson which can only add to your enjoyment of this podcast.
Topics this week include Dacia's advertising, insects, and some other stuff that I can't remember right now because I'm tired. Just listen, it doesn't make any difference if you know what we talk about beforehand. Thanks.
It's a landmark episode, as we're just ten away from a big round number, so we celebrated in the only way we know how - by talking rubbish with slightly patchy sound quality.
In more detail, this week Dan discovered a superpower, we map the UK in condiments, Ian is a traitor (he's not, we all support his new endeavours), and someone's re-invented something that didn't need to be re-invented.
Parts of this Slump went out of date by the time we'd made it, and I don't mean Condiment Corner. I'm talking about the various references to the football, as this was recorded before our brave boys left the World Cup. However, it doesn't make much difference and there's much to distract you from all things football-y.
This podcast was meant to come out on Friday, yet here I am, uploading it on Monday morning. For many of you this won't matter at all, and for those of you for whom it does matter, well I'm sorry you had to wait three days to get your Slump fix.
However, with topics of conversation including a big letter "H", how to get the most from your ketchup, and much more besides, I'm sure you'll forgive the delay in creating such vital content.
We've got WORLD CUP FEVER! Or it might be allergies. Either way there's football chat, condiment chat, and much, much less in this week's edition of someone's favourite podcast.
Is margarine a condiment? Is it possible to stretch a footballing metaphor too far? Is a smell-based alarm clock a good invention? The quick answer to all these questions is: No, yes and no, but you'll have much more fun listening to the long, rambling answers, which is basically what this podcast is.
A little later than normal, but here nonetheless, Slump 285 is here. This week we didn't have much to discuss, but that didn't stop us stretching out a couple of topics for ages, until there was enough for a podcast. Also, we invented perhaps the most innovative app yet seen by man - the Bob to Robert Converter.
Find out more inside...
Well it all got a bit technical this week, as Ian and Brendan weren't free to record on the same day as each other. Not to be put off by a ridiculous plan, Dan simply recorded separate podcasts with each of them and stuck it all together to make what is almost a normal Slump. But not quite.
It's hard to explain, you'll just have to listen.
Not only does this Slump contain some wonderful chat about rock bands, old crows, and fresh condiments, it also features at one point the rudest word in the English language. The C one. So do be careful if you think that'll ruin your day. Otherwise, dig in and enjoy the heck out of this podcast. Bye bye.
Hark! What's that, creeping around the internet? Don't scare it, for it's a flighty beast. Why, 'tis a new Slump, episode 281 no less, in which you'll find tales of annoying waiters, lazy men, and condiments a plenty. Lap it up, like a little cat.
Everyone's got a podcast these days don't they? Yeah, well just remember that we've been doing it for ages and it's not always easy to think of stuff to say every week for years on end. Just keep that in mind when you listen to us rambling on about sinkholes, ketchup and dogs scratching their bums.
This isn't the kind of podcast that lets a lack of content get in the way of duration, oh no. Despite having only three things on the running order, these plucky gents have stretched it out to about the same length as normal. And it's almost as good. Behold, Slump 288.
Pickles. Video games. Lead poisoning. It's all the fun of the fair here on The Slump! And we're legally obliged to inform you that we are prohibited by a court of law from running a fair.
Rude words, silly names, and strangers calling Dan "Daddy". Plus, a triple-pronged Condiment Corner, and more besides which I can't remember right now because I'm tired.
Ian and Dan present this, Slump 276. But where of Brendan? Well, he's not here this week, but that doesn't stop the remaining members discussing such wide-ranging topics as slow cookers, European time disparities and administrative holidays. If this is your first time listening and you're just looking at the description to see what it's all about, then we promise it's more entertaining than that sounds.
Emails from people, emails for people. It's a technological wonderland as emails are read, sent and discussed. Plus, things taken out of context, and the usual melange of talking nonsense. Essential listening for the modern age.
This week we talk about dogs quite a lot. But if you're not interested in dogs don't worry, because we also talk about arms dealing and the impending apocalypse, so it kind of balances out.
The Slump crew are back once again, doing what they do best: talk about jackets and condiments. But what's that? Something different on the horizon? Is that a... a lighthouse?
Float like a butterfly, sing like a...er...a boxer trying to forge a pop career in the 1960s? That might not make a lot of sense to you at the moment, but boy will it make sense once you've listened to this episode of The Slump.
Also discussed are subjects as diverse as paper cups, ketchup and foxes, it's quite literally a podcast.
Juice. We've all drunk it. But have you ever voted for it? Dan has - AGAINST HIS WILL. Find out more in this week's edition of a podcast entitled 'The Slump'. Also Mr T.
This week Slump was semi-unplanned, just like this description. Expect stuff, geese, stuff and stuff. And chip spice. I guess.
Like a car launched pointlessly into space, a new episode of The Slump has been delivered to your device. But what does it contain? Washing machines, Vegemite and Noel Edmunds, that's what.
Phone charged? Emotional support animal by your side? Then you're ready for this week's episode of The Slump, which is the 268th. #TriumvirateOfAnatidae
An update on Dan's life of crime. An warning from nature. A song from condiments. This is The Slump 267. LIVE IT.
Listen up and listen close: This here podcast is the ONLY place you can win a counterfeit jacket (probably), and the only way to find out how is by listening. To this.
Down yourself a glass of filthy water and get aboard the bantz bus, it's time for a Slump.
Who'd've thought it... it's 2018! Why not ring in the new year with a fresh Slump, hot off the grinder? In the pulp this week: jet-lag, clothes, and Crash Test Dummies.
It's The Slump's 2017 FESTIVE SPECIAL! And as such, it may contain traces of Christmas. It's beginning to look a lot like... NOTHING BECAUSE IAN IS TYPING THIS AND I REFUSE TO PERPETUATE THIS STUPID SONG
We're Brendan and Ian, and we're to say: that we like to rap, in a podcast way! This week's episode features rock, ketchup, a special report from Dan... and it's PERFECT.
Take it from us: this is a podcast. And this week that podcast features tables, genres, and FAKE NEWS. Yes FAKE NEWS you thought this would be a light whimsical podcast description but it's gone all hard-hitting and political. Stay woke.
Another week, another podcast - that's a promise and a threat. Listen on, brave ear-haver, for tales of chicken, rockets, pants and spinning tops. Featuring special guest Elena!
This week Brendan returns from his holiday with a truly chaotic tale of missed flights, Dan has found a hideously pretentious menu, and Ian has a revelation about a festive classic. Plus more of the usual nonsense.
You Won't Believe What Happened Next When This London Dad Saw Just One Weird Squirrel. Clickbait aside, this episode also features special guest Leigh's money worries, and a report from Japanese-Reporter-At-Large Brendan. And pizza.
This week The Slump features some small plates, an angry train man and a return to Saskatchewan, in an episode which has literally been edited by Ian. Sorry.
This week, we find out Ian is endangered, plus there's stories about a silly shoe, a sad penguin, and an addiction to 90s dance. Essential listening.
Dan's been up to no good on the roads of Europe again, and he's also losing the power of speech thanks to some cyber-news from Brendan. Ian has found us a condiment villain, and much more happens that you could only expect to hear in the Slump.
Dan is grumpy at people who work in the media, except for him and Ian and Brendan of course. Anyway, he finds catharsis in their company and in the tried and tested stress release method of complaining about stuff with your friends. May you similarly find solace in The Slump.
This podcast is the only (or at least very few) that are prepared to bring you audio in not just one, but TWO varying qualities. We're definitely the only ones to record in a postroom of a large media company. That aside, this week we bring you two awful Kickstarters, and a very, very comprehensive conversation on relish.
Before I go any further, let me just state that this week's episode is swearier than normal. I'm not sure why, it's not like we were any angrier than normal; indeed, this week found us in fine spirits as we did an impromptu remix of a country classic, discussed the merits of liquid beef, and searched deep inside our souls.
What have we here then eh? I'll tell you in a second once I've remembered...Ah yes, in this week's episode you'll hear which podcast Ian has beef with, which condiments Ian has been researching, and some more stuff from Ian. But that's not all, there's also talking from Dan and Brendan, but I've forgotten what they said.
Behold, the 250th episode of The Slump! If we're honest, this crept up on us a bit, so we didn't really plan a lot of extra content for it, but there's a song, a special report from Owen, and a lot of unnecessary fanfares and really, what more do you want?
Dan is on holiday committing driving offences abroad, so Ian and Brendan bring you a special microslump, which is them talking a bit, but not enough to make a whole podcast out of. It's still entertaining, just not for as long.
Some awful music, some strangely-flavoured ice cream, and make up for men. These are but three of the topics discussed in the Slump this week, before they meander off into chatter for a while as normal.
Waxing large body parts, interesting ways of advertising educational establishments, and Dan shooting wildly into the air. These are some things that you'll hear three men talking about if you listen to this podcast.
A Slump is here, bringing talk of Spain's Zorro problem, Brendan's passport problems, and Dan's favourite hungover animal disposal story. It is, quite simply, a podcast.
This podcast is late. It's mainly (entirely) Dan's fault, but cast your anger aside and dive right into this podcast featuring your lazy hosts discussing all manner or matters, such as the wonderful world of Lakeland products, how mayonnaise might be mustard, and why we can't all just shut up a bit.
The seas are full of jellyfish, the cars are full of rubbish, and this podcast is full of three men talking about those first two things, plus some other matters besides. Put it in a big bowl and slurp it all down.
The two-hundred and forty-third instalment of the Slump brings you an update on Dan's burgeoning criminality, a critique of some of that pop music the kids all like, and the usual sort of tired ramblings that you've come to expect by now...
This week's Slump is incredibly useful. Not only do we give you an insightful guide to getting the job of your dreams, but we also speak to Cambridge Professor of Theoretical Physics, Ben Allanach, to teach us all about quantum physics. Well, not ALL about quantum physics, but he definitely made some of it easier to understand.
There aren't many podcasts where you can talk about TV show Friends and quantum mechanics at the same time, but as it turns out, this is one of the ones where you can...
An Italian shouting in a van, Dan wilfully damaging his neighbour's property, and a boiler playing tennis. All these things are in this podcast for you to listen to.
Once more three men sit down and talk, and how... They talk about skittles and they talk about metal, they talk about music and they talk about...er, scratch cards. And much more besides. Come, feast your ears upon said audio bounty. I don't know why I'm writing in this ridiculous manner...
How many pairs of pants are enough? What do minimalist lifestyles and group sex have in common? Where can you bath with your friends in a big bowl of ramen? Answers to these questions and more are contained inside this audio file for you.
It's just Dan and Brendan this week, but being a man down doesn't stop them from discussing pressing matters such as the packaging on new mattresses, the problem with telly and service stations. And if you're not intrigued by that description, then I probably need to think about ways to make it sound more exciting.
Why do only two men in the North enjoy a Fillet O'Fish? Why should we be ashamed of our bodily functions? Why is Dan's car haunted? These questions and more shall be discussed in this podcast, so listen up bucko.
The Slump is back, now with much poorer sound quality for your bank holiday. With stories of theft, radioactive waste, even some advice from the Spice Girls, it's quite literally a badly recorded podcast.
We're proud to unveil a great new slogan for this podcast, that'll really help align us with you, the audience. In other news, we discuss Art Garfunkel as a gas, gym music and much more besides that I can't think of at the moment.
The boys are back in town. All of them, for Dan has returned after having made his son, and finally things can get back to normal around here. So, three men talking nonsense in a confined space once more. Gorge upon the mediocrity.
Hello it's Brendan and Ian! Is is the right place to put the words? We're not even sure if we managed to do a podcast. If this works, there should be a report from Dan on fatherhood, us talking about cyborg eggs and more. We have no idea what we're doing, help.
Despite the best efforts of his cohorts to completely derail this podcast by not finding any content, Dan bravely strode forth to the content mines, toiling for hours, smelting the finest content he could, to single-handedly save the day, much to the dismay of the others. He also writes this bit, so he was able to draw attention to their failings, albeit in a small and petty fashion.
This week we did a Slump completely unplanned. Well, there were a couple of things we had written down on paper, but for the most part it was much less planned than usual, and as such is even more rambling than normal. Ian and Brendan suggested I issued a warning to new listeners, but I think you'll be fine...
Brendan's off sick, but that in no way stops Dan and Ian from vomiting words about Crufts, a rather strange email, and the usual stupid adverts.
An oily beard, a silvery fish and lots of talk of keys. It may sound like the start of a riddle told by a salty sea dog, but it is in fact just some of the topics that appear on this week's Slump. Go on, gobble it up.
Phew, it's an angry one this week. Maybe that's because they missed a week and had all their feelings bottled up for too long. Maybe it's the state of the world. Maybe they're just deeply angry men. Whatever the reason, let's hope that you find their ranting vicariously satisfying, or at least slightly entertaining.
Afternoon Delight, Inner Circle, and why you should be happy if you win a million pounds. These things and more feature in the two hundred and twenty fifth episode of the Slump.
A group of men once more gather on a bench together, to discuss subjects as varied as sexy songs that aren't sexy, why it looks like music is here to stay, and Ancient Egypt.
It's the Ian show this week as he brings all the topics to the table (or desk). Topics include cheese soup, units of measurement and gas. It's much more interesting than that makes it sound though.
Dan has been saved from crime, but has his brush with lawlessness turned him into a criminal? Who knows, I mean, it's a grey area. Probably not enough evidence to convict. Hopefully. In other news, there's a song about safe driving, and some guidance on how to dance at a wedding.
It's a miracle that this podcast is here at all, given that Dan is so inept with the internet that he fell for an online scam AGAIN this week. Crikey, what the heck is with that eh? Never mind, the mediocre podcast must go on, and go on it does, as you'll hear when you listen...
A new term for the approaching demolition, some adverts to make you happy and some musings on the state of the world in general. But in a largely upbeat way. Despite the usual cynical comments and outlook. It'll make sense when you listen.
A new year, a new Slump. Well, it's basically the same as normal, but if you're happy with that, then this should be fine for you. Oh, by the way, there's a swear word right at the start of this, so if you're easily offended or a child, then maybe skip the first 30 seconds or so. Cheers.
It's Christmas again, and here's our podcast for you, which is mildly more Christmassy than usual. Despite the holy undertones, we still did a few swear words, so do look out for those if you're listening with children, the little baby Jesus or the elderly and easily shocked. Have a lovely Christmas and New Year everyone, may the lucky rooster Masahiro bless your festive tables.
Some words, spoken by some men, into a recording device. That's what you'll find in this podcast. Nothing more, nothing less.
Brendan is back from America and full of beans, as are Ian and Dan. Of course they are, have you ever known any of the team to be anything less than jubilant in spirit at all times? Why am I asking you? This is a one sided conversation.
This episode is a few days late because there was a huge power cut which stopped play. However, it's here now and it's much longer than usual, because we recorded it after work and just kept talking when we should have stopped, so that sort of makes up for the delay. I think. I dunno. I mean, it's free, so don't complain eh?
This week Dan and Ian are joined by special returning member Owen, to discuss all kinds of nonsense, and they get so carried away they talk for longer than normal, so what you have here could be described as a "bumper episode".
Despite hearing perhaps the most depressing news of all time before recording this podcast, Dan and Ian bravely struggled through, to bring you over 40 minutes of total nonsense.
Now featuring the correct audio, including video games, hot water, strange search history and the most annoying person on Kickstarter in a very long time...
This week, a great solution to boring work meetings, a miracle cure for all ailments, and a load more nonsense besides. Stick that in your Slump pipe and smoke it.