DOZ Show - SoundSage

View Details

Photo credit: Canva.comReuben was what the Yorubas call agbaya, literally translated as ‘bad elder’ or ‘immature adult.’ He was what my late father would refer to as a stupid senior. How did he end up like this? By birthright, he was a leader. As the firstborn of his father, he held a position of authority in his father’s household. He should have been the one to receive the blessing that had been passed down from Abraham and Isaac to his father, Jacob.

But Reuben not only disqualified himself from that blessing, he disqualified himself from any blessing at all and received a curse from his father Jacob. By himself and with his own hands, he excluded himself from leadership. Reuben inherited the leadership position by birth, but his character disqualified him from it.

Genesis 35:22 states, “And it came to pass, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah, his father’s concubine: and Israel heard it.” This incident marks Reuben’s first recorded offence, and it is significant because, in Leviticus 18:8, it is established as a statute that reveals God’s perspective on the matter. By sleeping with his father’s concubine, Reuben dishonoured his father and “uncovered his father’s nakedness.” Jacob would later cite this action as the reason for cursing Reuben.

Genesis 37:2 says that Joseph brought an evil report about his older brothers to his father, Jacob. The older brothers include Reuben. So Reuben’s shenanigans didn’t end with sleeping with his father’s concubine; when Reuben should have been a model example to his younger siblings, not only was he not, but his younger brother must have been abhorred by his behaviour, which he felt the need to report to their father.

Later in the same chapter, a conspiracy to kill Joseph is revealed. Reuben attempts to act as a leader, but we see what a weak one he is. Genesis 37:22 says, “And Reuben said unto them, Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him; that he might rid him out of their hands, to deliver him to his father again.”

But if you know the story well, then you know he could never deliver Joseph because, behind his back, the other brothers brought Joseph out of the pit and sold him to the Ishmaelites. According to the Bible, this was Judah’s decision. “And Judah said unto his brethren, What profit is it if we slay our brother, and conceal his blood? Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content”(Genesis 37:26-27).

What does Reuben do when he returns and finds Joseph gone? In Genesis 37:29-31, the Bible says, “And Reuben returned unto the pit; and, behold, Joseph was not in the pit; and he rent his clothes. And he returned unto his brethren, and said, The child is not; and I, whither shall I go? And they took Joseph’s coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood.”

Reuben does not rebuke his younger brothers for selling Joseph; instead, he conspires with them to cover up their actions. It’s interesting to note that before Reuben arrives, there is no evidence of a conspiracy to hide what they did. Reuben initially takes a stand by urging his brothers not to kill Joseph, but he ultimately fails by suggesting that Joseph be thrown into a pit instead of letting him go free.

That he was willing to have Joseph put in the pit made him responsible for Joseph being sold into slavery. Therefore, he couldn’t tell his father the truth; he had to conspire to cover up the deed. But what Reuben didn’t realise was that by not taking a firm stand against evil, he was gradually losing his birthright as a leader. He indulged in evil, so he could not effectively stand up to his younger brothers when they sought to engage in it. He was a people-pleaser who didn’t understand that a leader is not a circus clown, and he compromised when he should have put his foot down and said, No.

The brothers had their subsequent encounter with Joseph in Genesis 42, and in verse 22, the Bible says, “And Reuben answered them, saying, Spake I not unto you, saying, Do not sin against the child; and ye would not hear? Therefore, behold, also his blood is required.” Reuben quickly shifts the blame for what happened to Joseph to his brothers. He forgot that he had negotiated for Joseph to be put in the pit instead of being killed, when he should have set him free altogether to return home. A weak leader shifts blame and never accepts responsibility.

Right before their eyes, Joseph took Simeon and locked him up in jail (Genesis 42:24). Reuben did not speak up or offer to take Simeon’s place. He left his younger brother in prison in Egypt and returned home to their father. Then, he had the audacity to ask Jacob to entrust Benjamin to him. He said to Jacob, “Slay my two sons if I do not bring him back to you; deliver him into my hands, and I will bring him back to you again” (Genesis 42:37).

My daughter said concerning Reuben’s reckless statement, “Should your father’s compensation for his missing son be the death of his grandsons at his own hands?” That makes no sense. It certainly solves nothing. Reuben spoke brashly without giving a thought to what he was really saying. He spoke like a fool. Little wonder the father paid him no mind. Nothing is worse than a leader who opens his or her mouth without wisdom.

In Genesis 43:8-9, we see how Judah handles the same matter. The Bible says, “And Judah said unto Israel his father, Send the lad with me, and we will arise and go; that we may live, and not die, both we, and thou, and also our little ones. I will be surety for him; of my hand shalt thou require him: if I bring him not unto thee, and set him before thee, then let me bear the blame for ever.” Judah had sons, but did not speak of them being killed. Because he spoke sensibly, Jacob entrusted Benjamin to Judah instead of Reuben.

When Jacob disregards Reuben’s request but honours Judah’s, it reveals a lot about his perception of both sons. In that moment, he was effectively transferring the role of the firstborn to Judah. However, Reuben’s decline as a leader had actually begun earlier, when he failed to honour his father and slept with his concubine.

View Details

Dear Reader,

The Griffiths is a sequel to The Vine Church. Even as I write these words, I am thinking, a sequel? Amazing!

It’s amazing because in April 2024 when I stumbled on the completed and forgotten movie script for The Vine Church, I had no idea that God would bring forth a beautiful story from it, and I certainly did not see a sequel at that time.

But, the sequel is here, and there were days, during the writing phase, when I wondered if it was worth it. I couldn’t see the whole picture so I stalled. But in the last month, as I began to write for hours each day, trusting that God had a story to tell through me, the story began to unfold beautifully, and I found myself enjoying it.

I am grateful to all who read The Vine Church and left a review for me. Thank you for your comments.

For a very limited period, I am giving you a free sample of The Griffiths to read and share your feedback in the comments section below. Please click on the link below and start reading right away. Once again, I look forward to reading your honest reviews.

Blessings…

Evie.

The Griffiths Free Sample

View Details

Dear Reader,

I began writing The Vine Church in 2015. Yes, ten long years ago. It wasn’t called The Vine Church, but there was a church in the story called The Vine Family Church. I wrote the story as a script for a movie but God had other plans. Once completed, it was abandoned and completely forgotten until April 2024 when I stumbled on it. I changed the format, rewrote the story and here we are. This is unlike anything I have written before and I couldn’t have done it without God helping me every single step of the journey.

For a very limited period, I am giving you a free sample of the book to read and share your feedback in the comments section below. Please click on the link below and start reading straight away. I look forward to reading your honest reviews even as I return to my writing desk for what’s next.

Blessings…

Evie.

The Vine Church Free Sample

View Details

Prologue

Ode Itsekiri… 33 Years Ago…

Oma Domingo heaved a sigh of relief as the lights of the ancient town came into focus.

Ode Itsekiri, the ancestral home of all Itsekiri sons and daughters. She smiled despite the sharp pains coursing through her body. She was finally here; finally home.

“Mo dokpe. Thank you very much,” she mumbled to the man paddling the canoe as he helped her out of the small boat and onto the wooden deck on the riverbank. She wrapped the Ankara cloth she had draped around herself more tightly as she made her way one step at a time, ignoring the pain, determined to reach her sister’s home on time.

Her sister, Alero Domingo, fondly called Sisi Alero or Sisi Domingo by all who knew her, had been widowed many years ago and had never had a child. She was a traditional midwife who had delivered many children in the community. Many were now established men and women who often returned to pay homage with gifts, enabling Sisi Domingo to own her small two-bedroom home in Ode Itsekiri.

The Domingo family gained fame among the Itsekiri people for introducing them to the Portuguese. More than a hundred years ago, one of their forebears spotted the Portuguese as they arrived in Ode Itsekiri and welcomed them into his home. This led to marriage with the Portuguese and the adoption of the Portuguese name Domingo. They were not only Itsekiris but also Portuguese, maintaining their relations to this day.

They were a big family, but not a close-knit one. Their late father was the parent of many children, while their mother only had Alero and Oma. The sisters shared a close bond despite the twenty-five-year age gap between them. Oma did not know their mother, as she passed away before Oma’s first birthday, and Sisi Alero raised Oma as her daughter.

Sisi Alero displayed a strong sense of protectiveness towards Oma, and it took considerable persuasion before she consented to her living and working in Warri because of the decreasing availability of jobs in Ode Itsekiri. That was four years ago when Oma was twenty-one years old. Initially, Oma came home at every opportunity, but for the past nine months, she did not come home, although she did not fail to send Sisi Alero her monthly allowances and write letters about how she fared. A little about how she fared: she did not think Sisi Alero would appreciate the entire story, so she kept some of it to herself.

She let out another sigh, partly to bear the pain she experienced and partly to regain her composure. She had arrived at Sisi Alero’s little, two-bedroom, red-brick bungalow, less than a mile from the waterfront. Shortly, she would face her sister, who played the motherly role and shared her wisdom. With a sense of shame, Oma acknowledged that she had not followed her teachings.

Inside, the lights stayed switched on, indicating that Sisi Alero, a woman who followed a routine of going to bed early and waking up early, was still awake. Oma placed her little bag, packed in a hurry and bearing all her most important possessions on the little steps, and after wrapping herself more tightly, she knocked on the door.

“Eri nesin? Who is it?” Sisi Alero’s shrill but strong voice enquired from within.

Oma smiled despite her discomfort. Yes, that was the Sisi Alero Domingo she was familiar with.

“Sisi, Emi ren. It is me, Omasan.”

The door swung open instantly. Luckily, it opened inside, sparing her face from a harsh impact. She barely picked up her bag before Sisi Alero enveloped her in a fierce hug.

In pain, she winced, causing the older woman to step back and peer at her with wise eyes that never missed a thing.

“Oma, are you ill?”

Tears welled up in Oma’s eyes. Tears of relief, knowing she had returned home and all would be well. Before she said anything, Sisi Alero ushered her into the tidy, pleasant living room. Once inside, Oma put her bag down and turned to face her sister, removing the wrapper she had used to cover herself. As she did, Sisi’s eyes widened in shock.

“Sisi, please forgive me. I have no one else to turn to and nowhere to go!” Oma cried.

“Oh, Oma!” Sisi covered her mouth with her calloused hands. “Oma, you are pregnant! How could you?!”

“I am sorry,” was all she managed to utter before another surge of pain spread through her body, forcing her to double over and clutch her abdomen. Then, as it subsided, came the sensation of needing to relieve her bowels. “Sisi, please, I need to use the toilet,” she announced, overwhelmed by the irresistible urge to push.

“No! You are in labour.” Sisi Alero took her arm and led her into the small room that used to be hers until she went to live and work in Warri.

And so began the longest night of Oma Domingo’s life. She pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed, and finally, in the wee hours of the morning, a woman about Sisi Alero’s age and a traditional midwife in Ode Itsekiri placed the tiny baby in her arms.

Oma was weary, but not too exhausted to admire her beautiful baby. As she looked at him, her smile expressed triumph. It proved to be worthwhile in the end. The entire experience had been worth it; one day, her name would be known by all Itsekiri people. She looked at the midwife, then at Sisi Alero, who wept softly, and finally at the sleeping baby in her arms.

“Onetoritsebawoete!” she proclaimed and closed her eyes.

Chapter One

The Kingdom of Benin …. Today

Amenze concluded that her life, as she had known it, was officially finished. She observed with great interest and a slight pang of sadness as her dear childhood friend Tiyan Alile was seated on her fiancé’s lap. Traditionally, this meant they were now man and wife. Tiyan was now officially Mrs Usi Isekhure, the wife of the Chief Priest of the Benin Kingdom. First, Eki, then Ede and now Tiyan. Amenze’s friends were now married, and her relationship with them would change regardless of whether she wanted it to. Their friendship would take on a different disposition.

Amenze sighed in resignation. Despite being practical and realistic, witnessing the joy of her married friends made her feel like she was missing out on something special. She secretly desired that something special for herself. Yes. She desired to understand the essence of falling in love. She wished to be married to a man she loved and have her belly swell with his baby!

Amenze considered her relationship with Dimitris Papadopoulos and bit back a groan. It frustrated her that her relationship with Dimitris Papadopoulos was going nowhere fast. Seeing her friends marry and get pregnant left her completely dissatisfied with her life and also led to a subtle resentment for her boyfriend and the desire to bring the relationship to an end. She envied her friends.

She wasn’t the only person who noticed that her friends were entering into matrimony. Her mother noticed, and on the eve of another friend’s wedding ceremony, Tuedor Giwa-Amu called her only daughter to the living room for a chat. She thought Amenze was a fool for wanting to break up with Dimitris instead of using her feminine wiles to get him to marry her.

Amenze was a realist. Dating Dimitris Papadopoulos had been fun, but she didn’t think they had what Eki and Oba Osad or Tiyan and Usi had. Or even what Ede and Sato had. If they did, they would get married, not constantly seek the latest Michelin-starred restaurant to try for dinner. She’d become fed up with that! Love, romance, and marriage were what she desired. Her desire was to be looked at with the same intensity as Oba Osad looked at Eki, as Usi looked at Tiyan, and as Sato looked at Ede. Oh, and even as her father looked at her mother after almost forty years of marriage!

“Don’t you love him?” her mother had asked during their little chat last night, a puzzled expression on her ageing but still beautiful face.

“Love?” Amenze snorted. “Of course not.”

“I will never understand you.”

“That makes you and most people,” Amenze had murmured. And me, she’d added silently.

Amenze’s scowl deepened as she recollected her mother’s nagging. Her mother thought she was getting old and reminded her that she had already been married at Amenze’s age.

As midnight approached, Amenze decided to say her goodbyes and leave the party. Tiyan, the glowing bride, had been escorted to her husband’s home according to the Benin native law and customs. The lavish reception at the groom’s house was now quickly ending, with guests leaving one after the other as the early hours of the following day approached.

The night was as pretty as a picture, with the moon as a backdrop. But it was both warm and humid. Amenze stepped out of the air-conditioned three-storey house, instantly hot and uncomfortable in her bridesmaid outfit – a red long-sleeve mermaid dress made of luxurious embroidered fabric. The traditional Benin Okuku hairstyle was done beautifully, and her neck was adorned with multiple strings of coral beads, adding to her discomfort. With one hand holding up her floor-length dress, she walked down the cobbled drive, her red stiletto heels clicking against the ground, while palm trees and garden lamps lined the path to the car park.

Amenze had just reached the white Kia Sportage she’d borrowed from her mother when she heard the groom’s voice behind her.

“Amenze, just a minute!”

Amenze turned around, and sure enough, Chief Usi Isekhure approached her as she stood in the large open car park outside his vast home. She furrowed her brows as she tried to decipher what he wanted.

“Hey, Amenze. I’ve been meaning to have a quick word with you all day.” His smile was quickly replaced with a frown.

Amenze disliked his intent gaze. Had she done something wrong, broken some traditional or cultural protocol, perhaps? Chief Usi Isekhure wasn’t just her best friend’s husband; he was the revered Chief Priest of the Benin Kingdom, and as the mouthpiece of the gods of the land—his word was potent.

He was not a man to be taken lightly. Her heart beat a little faster as the frown on Usi’s face deepened, and he came closer. She wasn’t great friends with Usi, not being present while his romance with Tiyan blossomed. But he seemed laid back the few times she’d seen or been around him, causing her to wonder, what now?

“What is the matter, Usi?” Amenze wondered whether it was a good time to be on a first-name basis with him. The man standing before her didn’t look like a friend, but rather like a chief priest.

Usi did not respond to her question. Instead, he caught her chin and slowly and carefully scrutinised her face.

“There is no mistake. You are the Olori of the Warri Kingdom. A Benin woman born for the Warri throne. He placed the crown on your head and called you Olori Sisan.” Usi released her chin.

Amenze did not burst out laughing for three reasons. No one dared laugh at the Chief Priest of the Benin Kingdom. Chief Priest Isekhure had never been wrong. Hadn’t she witnessed how Eki tried to escape the prophecy only to run right into it? Her heart raced even faster.

The third reason she didn’t laugh was that her middle name was Sisan. It was an Itsekiri name given to her by her Itsekiri mother but rarely ever used. Apart from Eki and Tiyan, no one outside her family knew her name was Sisan. Unless Tiyan told him. But why would Tiyan mention her rarely used name to Usi?

Then she pondered Usi’s use of the title Olori. Olori was the title used by the queen of the Warri kingdom. Was she going to be a queen? Queen of the Warri Kingdom? Who had Usi seen placing the crown on her head? She presumed the words were thoughts in her heart until she heard Usi answer.

“The Olu of Warri!”

Amenze gasped. The Olu of Warri? Olu Ginuwa III? At seventy-one years of age, the man was older than her father!

“Olu Ginuwa III?” she demanded angrily.

“Do nothing to mess this up. Do not attempt to make it happen,” Usi warned severely before walking away.

Do not attempt to make it happen?! What did that mean? Amenze thought with chagrin as she entered her car and slammed the door shut. She had no intention of trying to make the ludicrous prophecy happen! Why would she want to make a marriage to a man older than her father happen? If anything, she planned to do the exact opposite and do everything she could to make it not happen!

As she drove home, in a foul mood, she cursed her rotten luck. What was the deal with her? Why did she always get the short end of the stick? Eki married the young and handsome Oba of Benin, and Tiyan married the young and handsome Chief Priest of the Benin kingdom. Ede married the young and handsome bodyguard of the king. They all married young and handsome husbands.

And who would she marry? The old, ugly, never mind polygamous Olu of Warri. She punched the steering wheel and wanted to scream out her frustration! The gods were most unkind to her. Fate was most unkind to her. Life was cruel to her! She refused to accept this without a fight. She would go to great lengths to make it not happen, and in the end, if it still happened, well, at least she would not be going to the old man with her virginity intact. Note to self: Amenze, get rid of virginity as soon as you return to London.

“You look like you’re returning from a funeral instead of a wedding,” her mother commented as soon as Amenze entered the living room.

Amenze’s mother was an average-height woman with a well-rounded body gained through childbirth and years of cooking and eating sumptuous meals. She had a charming face that suited her plus-size body and was fashionable, always wearing clothes that flattered her figure.

Tonight, she dressed casually in Ankara palazzo pants and a denim shirt. She was a proud Itsekiri woman from the Warri kingdom, addressed fondly as Sisi Tuedor or Sisi Giwa-Amu. She loathed being called “mama” or “aunty” as it made her feel too old at sixty. Older Itsekiri women shared this sentiment and were addressed as Sisi.

Amenze wasn’t surprised to see her mother still awake. Sisi Tuedor would stay up whenever any family member was out late. She had done it for her husband and sons when they lived at home and began going out with friends at night. Now, she did it for her only daughter and last child.

Amenze dropped onto the deliciously soft leather sofa beside her mother and kicked off her stilettoes. “It seemed like a funeral at the end.”

Her mother looked baffled. “Did anything go wrong? Are Tiyan and her husband okay?”

“They are fine, Mum. Nothing wrong at their end, but plenty at mine.”

Sisi Tuedor knitted her brows. “Tell me what happened,” she invited, her frown deepening as Amenze recounted her brief meeting with Usi.

“Well, at least now we are certain you will marry!”

“Mummy!”

“Listen to me, my daughter; there are worse things in life than marrying a man much older than you are.”

“I don’t believe you are saying this, Mum.” Amenze shook her head in utter disbelief.

“Niko wo fe gin demi fo? What would you have me say, Amenze? Last night, you insisted you wanted to break up with Dimitris, even though I thought you were better off giving your relationship a chance. I told you that getting another man may be challenging and that African women living in the United Kingdom struggle to marry. Some of your father’s distant cousins, who travelled to live in the UK years ago, are still unmarried in their forties. I worry about you emulating them, especially as you will be in London for another three years for your doctoral programme. Now, a prophecy foretells your marriage to a king. Should I say the gods forbid because he is much older?”

“Here we go again.” Amenze groaned and rolled her eyes. They discussed this yesterday, and Amenze slept late. Perhaps she should go to bed and catch up on much-needed sleep. She rose to her feet. “I’m going to bed, Mum. If I must marry Olu Ginuwa III, then I will, but I will go to him screaming and kicking!”

“Hmm… Oton mi tse denden. Child, be careful. The chief priest has warned you not to mess this up; please listen to him. It’s better to be married to an older man than to be an older unmarried woman. You are my only daughter; please let your heart pity your mother.”

Amenze rolled her eyes as she bent and picked up her shoes. Her mother could be dramatic when the occasion suited her. She’d used the same blackmailing tactics with each one of her three older sons. The blackmail and drama never got old.

Just as Amenze walked away from her mother, her father walked in. “Who is getting married?” he peered through the upper portion of his bifocals, first at his wife and then at his daughter.

At sixty-five years old, Dr Giwa-Amu was a renowned consultant gynaecologist who had delivered many prominent Benin men and women. His private fertility and maternity clinic, Giwa-Amu Clinic, next door to their residence, was the foremost private gynaecology clinic in the kingdom. For that reason, the city’s authorities named their street Giwa-Amu Crescent.

Her parents were very different. Amenze frequently wondered why her father married her mother. He was gentle and soft-spoken, and she was the complete opposite.

“No one is getting married, Dad.” Amenze walked up to her tired-looking father and kissed his cheek. “Welcome, Dad. How was your day at the clinic?”

“It was good, thank you.” He stroked her cheek affectionately as she pulled away. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am, just a little tired.” Amenze feigned a smile. He looked at her long and hard to show he didn’t believe her, but didn’t push the matter.

As her father strolled further into the living room and settled himself in his favourite seat, the lazy-boy recliner, he and her mum exchanged mumbled greetings that would make anyone think they had a lovers’ tiff, but Amenze understood her parents well enough by now to appreciate this was their standard way of saluting each other. Also, they had seen each other over dinner as her dad made it a habit to take a break and come home to eat lunch and dinner with his wife.

“Dr Giwa-Amu, I am glad you’re home. I was just having a chat with Amenze. Both her friends, the Alile girls, are married. Oloi Eki will soon become a mother, while Amenze plans to end her relationship instead of trying to get her boyfriend to propose. She is living in the United Kingdom. Who finds a husband in the UK? You remember your cousins, now in their forties and still unmarried?”

Amenze sighed and quietly left the room. After last night, she wouldn’t stick around to hear all of that. Her father could take her place tonight.

“Poor Dad,” she mumbled as she climbed the stairs and went to her bedroom. “But better you than me, Dad.” She stifled a giggle.

Olori is now available on Amazon.

View Details

Photo credit: Canva.comFebi was a prodigal. A prodigal daughter. She had a few things in common with the proverbial prodigal son. She left home when she had no business doing so. She returned poorer than she’d been when she set out. And most importantly, she was given a second chance to get her life and dreams back on track.

Febi lived with her older sister in the cosmopolitan city of Lagos, Nigeria. It was a world away from the small town of Osogbo where she had grown up. Her sister worked as a cabin crew member with an international airline and was frequently away from home and it was Febi’s responsibility to look after her sister’s two children.

She was a very beautiful young girl, slim and tall with endless legs and long hair that easily fell past her shoulders. She was the very epitome of beauty. Men turned to look at her everywhere she went. They not only looked but they also approached. All kinds of men were interested in Febi. Tall men and short men. Rich men and poor men. Educated men and uneducated men. Married men and unmarried men. They all wanted a piece of Febi.

Febi was not interested in men. She had her hands full looking after her sister’s children and pursuing her dreams of becoming a successful interior decorator. She was just twenty and her sister had given her a huge sum of money to launch her business not too far from home so she could be readily available to help with her niece and nephew.

No one knows for sure how, when and where Febi met Reuben. Reuben was a jobless man who had a big mouth and talked a little too much for a man. He claimed to be a government contractor and constantly talked out bidding for jobs worth hundreds of millions of naira. Anyone with eyes could see he had never seen a tenth of that money gathered in one place. Any discerning person knew that the man was a combination of a con artist and a gigolo.

He spent a lot of time with Febi at her business place. He appeared to have a lot of time on his hands, too much time for a man who was a government contractor. No one suspected he was anything to Febi other than a nuisance who hung around her office telling stories about his life, a life that seemed far removed from reality. Most people assumed that sooner or later he would disappear from Febi’s life as he had appeared.

He did disappear but it was later rather than sooner, and it wasn’t before he had done some damage. How Reuben with the sweet mouth convinced beautiful Febi to elope with him remains a mystery to most. But he did. Family, friends, and neighbours were shocked to learn that Febi’s sister had returned from one of her work trips abroad and was frantically looking for her. Febi had shut down her business place, sold everything in it, cleared out her belongings in her sister’s home, and disappeared into thin air.

She had run off with Reuben, a man more than ten years her senior. A jobless man full of dreams which he talked about endlessly while sitting on his backside instead of working hard to achieve them. Reuben did not have a penny to his name and relied on everything Febi had earned from her business or received as a gift from her sister. Febi had run off with Reuben, hoping he would marry her, and they would start a family together.

For about four years, no member of Febi’s family knew where she was. All they knew was that she had eloped with this smooth talker, Reuben. They also knew that she wasn’t missing so they sent out no search party and neither was her disappearance reported to the police. As the family were Christians, prayers were frequently said for her.

It took four years before Febi came to her senses. Four years of hardship. Four years of lack and want. And after four years, just like the prodigal son made his way home to his father, Febi made her way back to her older sister’s house from where she had eloped. She did not return alone however, she returned with two little girls, her daughters born to Reuben.

In most cultures in Nigeria, it is a shameful thing, for a woman to have children out of wedlock. If Reuben had married her, even during the time they eloped and albeit without the consent of her family, it would have been a better deal but there was no marriage with Reuben and yet she had two children for him. If she had one child it would have been better, but two children? Who would marry her with two children? These were the thoughts in the hearts of everyone as Febi moved from her sister’s house back to her parents’ home.

As far as everyone was concerned, it was over for Febi where marriage was concerned. Her father, naturally, was very angry because he had been denied the honour of walking her down the aisle and giving her to her husband. She had brought him two grandchildren born to a man who was a total stranger to him and who never deemed it fit to come to him asking for her hand in marriage, as the custom demands.

In the years that followed, Febi resigned to live the life of a desolate woman, the life of a widow (whichever is worse) in the house of her father. She became an object of mockery and ridicule. People mocked and sneered at her face and behind her back. She accepted this without complaint, never bothering to answer those who reviled her. She got a job so she could provide for her children, and she threw herself into service to God. She rededicated her life to God and from that point she did not look back. She had no true friends as everyone was critical of her past and had concluded on her future and so God became everything to her.

As Febi’s new romance with the God who can do the impossible blossomed, a young man in her office began to take an interest in her. This was strange to Febi because people had concluded that even if by some stroke of luck, a man was to take interest in her, he would be a single father. Well, this man had never been married and had no children, so Febi felt the need to explain to him her peculiar circumstances, while it was still early days. She made it crystal clear that she was not the kind of woman he wanted to be in a relationship with. Well, the more she pushed him away, the more he appeared to be determined to marry her.

A few months later, Febi was married to this wonderful man she met at work. Her father had the honour of receiving her bride price and he also had the honour of walking her down the aisle. Her dignity within her family was restored. All naysayers and mockers were silenced.

God loves all His little girls. This is the conclusion of the matter. Even when they have messed things up and think they can no longer have the kind of future they once desired, God steps in to prove them wrong.

One woman has said, “If you think you’ve blown God’s plan for your life, rest in this. You, my beautiful friend, are not that powerful.” How true.

-The End-

View Details

Photo credit: Canva.comMy name is Ogechi, it means God’s time. I came to appreciate the meaning of my name in recent times. Life was originally beautiful. The things some struggled to get seemed to come to me with ease. At the age of twenty-three when many of my age mates were still in school or trying to find some direction in life, I married my first crush, Dele Ajayi.

I felt on top of the world, and why not? I had been born with exquisite looks, was intelligent, had studied Catering and Hotel Management had a thriving business and was getting married to my first crush. Life was good. Little did I know that my joy would turn to sorrow and my fairytale would become a nightmare.

So many things were wrong with our union. Too many to mention here. From the get-go, we were standing on a very shaky foundation. Our marriage was quicksand threatening to bury me alive.

In the first two years of our marriage, I got pregnant twice but lost both pregnancies after two months and three months respectively. Initially, Dele showed great understanding and was ever supportive. But after I lost the third pregnancy everything changed.

Dele began to withdraw. I sensed it even before I noticed the uncommon behaviour. Yes, his behaviour had become odd. He began to act out of character. For one thing, he stopped taking his phone calls in my presence. That was not all. He started returning home later than usual and forbade me from ever answering his phone calls. I noticed that a particular number called him the most, the name of the caller showed up as Lisa from Work.

In the beginning, I did not take this as a serious issue because we were supposed to be good Christians. I shudder to think how naïve I was. My husband started travelling and being away from town much longer than his usual two days monthly routine check on the other branches of the company. Gradually, from two days out of town, it increased to two weeks out of town, and then one month out of town. When I tried to discuss my observations with him, we had the biggest quarrel in the history of our marriage and for the first time called in his parents, who lived in the same town to settle us.

To my surprise, I was blamed and accused of trying to hinder his career advancement. Unknown to me, at the time, all his actions had been orchestrated by his family and my offence was that after three years of marriage, I had not produced a child. Suspecting that something was very wrong, I diverted calls on his other phone to my phone and that was when I found out that I had been living with a stranger, I called my husband.

I received a diverted call from Lisa from Work. She assumed Dele had answered the call and asked him to please see her that day as she had taken two pregnancy tests and was confirmed two months pregnant.

That day Dele returned home and told me that he was travelling for one week to South Africa for a marketing conference organized by an American pharmaceutical company. The conference was a big deal and naturally, I was happy for him. Together we prayed for journey mercies and God’s blessings and in the morning, he left for the airport.

One week later, he had not returned and had not called. I was feeling a little worried, but I waited another two days before paying a visit to his office where I was informed that Dele had since returned from the conference, which had lasted only three days. I was also informed that he had been coming to the office.

I was in a state of shock and confusion as I left his office. I went to his father’s house to inform his family of my discovery but to my surprise, I was not even allowed to enter the family house. Not knowing what else to do I went to see my pastor and we prayed and asked God to intervene and save my marriage.

All attempts to reach Dele on the phone failed, and his family members were no longer taking my calls. The news got to me that he was living with his ex-girlfriend, Lisa from Work. She was already visibly pregnant. I had lost a five-year-old marriage to barrenness.

Dele lived in great affluence with his mistress and news about them, as the current celebrated couple was all over Lagos. I remained in our house praying and asking God to restore my marriage. Three months later I was sent the dreaded divorce papers. I read them with unsteady hands and a racing heart. Dele was filing for divorce. That was not enough. He confronted me face-to-face and told me to be reasonable and move on with my life because his life was now better and more meaningful without me.

I wept. I begged him. I sent friends and fellow Christians to him, but he refused to have anything to do with me. He said that he was convinced by “his spirit” that I was a mistake. He said by revelation they (he and his family) saw that I was married in the marine world and was wasting his life and time. After all the attempts to reason with him failed, I signed the divorce papers.

A few months later, I ran into his driver who told me that Dele’s mistress had lost the baby she was carrying, and this was leading him to excessive drinking. Call me a fool if you like but I still cared for him so I sent an email to him consoling him and assuring him that God will give him a child.

Two years later, my over-merciful landlord asked me to leave the house as I could not afford to renew the rent. I had nowhere to live so I was forced to go back to my parents’ house. I only lived with my parents for a month before I experienced the humiliation that a failed marriage can create. I lost all respect; I was mocked openly and called a pregnancy-sucking witch.

Unable to take it anymore, I left my parents’ house and began to move from one friend’s house to another. That also wasn’t easy, but one day God stepped in and right on time too. He intervened just when suicide was becoming sensible to me. After two years of being out of a five-year marriage, I decided to bake a wedding cake for a friend even though I had stopped attending marriage celebrations because of shame and had begun to avoid touching children because I was convinced that I was cursed.

When I agreed to bake my friend a wedding cake, I did not know that it would be the turning point in my story. On the wedding day, I was asked to talk about the cake, and when I finished a man walked up to me and introduced himself as Engr. David Edoziem. He asked if he could sit with me. I responded with a half-hearted, “Yes”.

He sat down and proceeded to tell me that he was a businessman in town for some government business and had been invited to the wedding by the state’s deputy governor. We got talking, and that conversation produced my second husband whom I am still happily married to.

After I told him the story of my life, he responded by saying that with all his success he had not found the time to marry and if I agreed to let him be my first son he would marry me. I laughed because it was the funniest thing I had heard in a long time. I laughed because I thought it was a joke. It was not a joke. The man was serious. Six weeks later we were married.

After my experience with Dele, it was difficult to comprehend that a man could love me and accept me knowing that I could not give him a child. But David made it clear, in words and actions, that he wanted me, with or without a child. If I was worried each time my period came, it was because I wanted to be a mother and not because I wanted to save my marriage. My marriage was very safe. David loved me. It was clear to all. I tried to be happy and accept my barrenness and move on. But little did I know that God was not done with me. Five years into my marriage, I became pregnant and gave birth to our beautiful son whom we named, Isaac. How amazing is that?

When I look back on my twelve-year journey to motherhood, I have great appreciation for my name Ogechi, meaning God’s time. Yes, God has a time for everything, and He will not be rushed. His time does not follow human plan or analysis. I was married to my first husband Dele for five years and spent two years begging and praying for him to return to me. Then I married David, my destiny and soulmate, for five years, totalling twelve years, before baby Isaac came. Twelve years of waiting to hold my baby in my arms. Twelve years of thinking it would never happen. But finally, in God’s time, it did.

-The End-

View Details

Photo credit: Canva.comAda was a prostitute. But that was about to change. One night she had an encounter that changed her life forever. She was at her usual spot when a young man approached her. They agreed on a price for the night, and she got into his car and went home with him.

At his house, he switched on the television to keep her entertained, little did he know that it would do more than that. With nothing else to do Ada sat in front of the television, watching passively. It wasn’t long before a popular televangelist came on the screen. As Ada watched him preach, the Holy Spirit began to convict her. She felt uneasy. She had to leave at once. If she left, she knew the consequences, she would not get paid, but that did not bother her. Her customer must have thought her behaviour very strange, but he did not try to stop her as she picked up her handbag and hastily left his house.

If she thought that leaving his house would help her get rid of the televangelist, she was wrong, his voice haunted her all the way home and even within the four walls of her small apartment she could hear his voice ringing in her ears. She had to give her life to Christ; she had to get out of a life of sin, she had to put an end to prostitution. She could not go on like this. Hell was real, and she did not want to go to hell. She went to bed but could not sleep. When she woke up, she began to think of a business she could do. Prostitution was over for her. She would never go back. She was determined. She took out her purse and counted the money in it. All she had was three thousand naira. There was no money in the bank, and so this was it, everything. She sighed deeply.

“Lord, I do not want to go back to prostitution. What can I do with this money so that I will have enough to pay my bills?”

Suddenly, it occurred to her that she could sell second-hand clothes. So, she got dressed and went to the market. The market where the second-hand clothes were sold in wholesale quantity was very far from her house. By the time she arrived, she had used up more than half the money on her. What was left would not get her home let alone buy any items for her to go and resell. However, she was not perturbed. She moved around in the market until she came to a certain man. She felt a prompting to approach him, and so she did. After explaining her desire to begin the trade, she asked the man to give her items amounting to a hundred and fifty thousand naira. She assured him that once sold, his money would be paid into his bank account. After some negotiations, he finally agreed.

“I have never done this before,” he told her. “But I sense that God is asking me to let you take the items on credit.”

She collected the items and left. The next challenge was how to get her consignment home as the money on her would not be enough. As she contemplated what to do, a man approached, and she told him her predicament. He gave her some money, and she got her goods home. The following day she set out to sell the items, and God gave her unusual speed so that in six hours she had sold all the goods. She went to the bank to pay in the money belonging to the owner of the goods and was left with a profit which was over a hundred thousand naira. Ada was super excited. Finally, her dream of leaving prostitution had come true. But little did she know that God was not yet through with her.

On Sunday morning, she went to the church pastored by the televangelist she had seen on television, whose voice kept ringing in her ears. It was here that Ada surrendered her life to Christ. Then she shared her testimony before the entire church, and something amazing happened. The pastor and the congregation were all moved to be a blessing to Ada. She walked away from the church that Sunday with no less than two million naira.

Yes, we serve a God who is faithful. Perhaps like Ada, you are a prostitute or living in one form of sin or the other, maybe the devil has told you that there is no way out and that God will not help you because you are a sinner. Well, you are the reason Jesus hung on that cross. God loves you more than you think. Yes, even in that sinful state God loves you, and He wants to bring you out. Go on your knees and talk to Him. Right now. He will hear you. And He will make a way of escape for you just like He did for Ada.

View Details

Photo credit: Canva.comAmnon was the first son of David, king of Israel and he was born into a leadership position because as the firstborn of his father, he was the head of his siblings and his father’s household. Also, he should have become king and leader of Israel after his father’s death. He began as a leader amongst his siblings and would have moved to become the leader of the nation Israel, but due to bad leadership at the home front, he never reigned as king, an assignment he was born for.

Amnon’s trouble began when he fell in love with his half-sister Tamar, Absalom’s sister. Amnon clearly could not control what he felt for his beautiful virgin sister and became sick. He had a friend, Jonadab whom the Bible describes as a subtil man. Jonadab was curious and wanted to know why Amnon’s health deteriorated daily, and Amnon proceeded to tell Jonadab that he was in love with Tamar, Absalom’s sister. Being a crafty man, Jonadab advised Amnon to pretend to be sick and request that his sister Tamar be sent to his house to cook him a meal. Amnon followed the advice of Jonadab, and when his father, David, sent Tamar to his home to prepare him a meal, he seized the opportunity of being alone with her and raped her.

Unfortunately, he did not think much of the consequences of his actions. Perhaps as the king’s first son and the future king of Israel, he thought he could get away with the deed but, not so, he paid dearly for it with his life because Absalom killed him for the act of wickedness against his sister, Tamar. And so Amnon died a king and a leader who was born to reign but, never did.

There are several leadership qualities that Amnon lacked which reveal why he failed in his first duty as a leader in his father’s house and why he would have been a bad king had he sat on the throne after David, his father.

In John Maxwell’s book, “The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader”, he lists certain qualities that every leader should have. The Bible’s record of the events reveals that Amnon lacked these qualities, but I will highlight only a few of them here.

One leadership quality he lacked was character. Like Samson, he was a leader who could not lead himself, and as a result, he died without an opportunity to ascend the throne and lead the nation of Israel.

The second leadership quality he lacked was commitment. He claimed to love Tamar, but when it was time to commit to her, he failed to follow through.

Three, he was not a focused person. His lust for Tamar was a massive distraction from the throne he should have been pursuing, but he failed to see it because he had no focus, to begin with. His lack of focus eventually caused him to lose the throne.

The fourth leadership quality he lacked was that of listening. He was not a man who listened to those he led. Tamar tried to warn him of the mistake he was making in sending her away after defiling her, but he paid no attention to what she had to say and paid dearly for it.

The fifth leadership quality he lacked was self-discipline; his failure to control his lust for his sister and his act of violently raping her prove this.

The sixth leadership quality he lacked was servanthood. His leadership position as the firstborn of his father should have been used to serve his siblings and other members of his father’s household, but it was used to serve his selfish purpose and desires to the detriment of those he led. This is anything but leadership. Little wonder he never made it to the throne as the leader of God’s people, Israel.

View Details

Photo credit: Canva.comI was exhausted as I journeyed from Garki to Asokoro that Friday evening. Just as I entered the Fort IBB premises, where I lived, a blue Volvo pulled up beside me. The driver was a young man I saw on the estate every so often, although we never spoke to each other.

“Hello,” he greeted. “Can I give you a ride to your house?”

He knew my house; it was just a few houses away from his. I knew this because although we did not speak to each other, he was usually in front of his house washing his car as I walked past in the mornings on my way to work. Therefore, he was not a stranger, and I needed the ride, so I accepted.

“Thank you,” I said as I opened the door and got in.

He smiled. “It is my pleasure.”

He was silent at first, which I thought was good as I was not in the mood for conversation of any sort. However, just as he pulled up in front of my house, he turned to me and spoke.

“I know this is very short notice, but I am attending a friend’s birthday party tonight. He is one of the president’s children. Would you like to come? I know you are tired, but I thought you might like to hang out with young people like yourself. It’s at the Aso Rock Villa and I will pick you up and drop you off.”

“The Presidential Villa?” I asked, not sure if I had heard him correctly.

He nodded.

Immediately all the tiredness I felt was gone. It wasn’t every day that one got invited to a party at the Aso Rock Presidential Villa. I was not going to miss it for the world. I was tired but not that tired.

We agreed that he would return in two hours to pick me up, so I jumped out of the car and went inside to prepare. I knew exactly what I wanted to wear. A red party dress and a black pair of shoes. I had been itching for an occasion to wear them and the occasion had presented itself. I was excited. The president’s son was celebrating his birthday, and I had been invited. I was like one in a dream as I prepared for the party. When Obi showed up, I was completely transformed. I remember as I opened the door he was standing on the other side and stepped back in surprise. Gone was the tired, worn-out young woman he had dropped off two hours ago.

He raised a brow. “Wow. You look good. I have no doubt you will be the cynosure of all eyes tonight,” he complimented me.

I smiled. “Thank you.”

We walked to the car where three other girls were waiting. He introduced us to each other as he opened and held the back door for me to get in. As we drove to the villa the girls conversed with one another. I remained silent except for when Obi asked me a direct question. Inside of my heart, I was speaking to God. You see I have always loved fairy tale romance. And as I rode in Obi’s car to the birthday party of the president’s son, I fancied myself to be Cinderella going to the ball to meet her prince. I wanted to be the belle of the ball and I wanted to dance with the celebrant, and these were the things I was talking to God about, so I had no time for idle chat.

As we approached the main gate of the villa, Obi told us to each take a fake name or what he called a security name. He warned that we were not to use our real names during the party. I didn’t know why, and I didn’t ask why. I didn’t care why. All I cared about was dancing with the celebrant. I took a name in my head but didn’t share it with anyone else in the vehicle. Then I noticed that a car suddenly drove up from behind us and went ahead of us to the gate. The driver, a young man, said something to the security men at the gate and they let us through. We followed the car observing the same protocol at every gate we came to and finally we pulled up in front of a large duplex house where the party was to be held.

The young man who had led us through all the gates got out of his vehicle and began to walk towards us. He was dressed in khaki three-quarter shorts and a short-sleeved polo shirt. Obi got out to meet him and they both shook hands and said something to each other that wasn’t audible from where I was sitting, and they laughed and shook hands again. I didn’t know who he was but judging from the way he led us through all the security points at the villa with ease, I knew he had more influence at the villa than Obi did and that he must certainly be closer to the president’s son than Obi was.

They talked for a while and Obi walked to the car and asked us to come down. I was the last to alight and Obi did a quick one-way introduction. He told us his friend’s name which I gathered was Tolu, but he didn’t tell Tolu our names. All he said was, “These are my friends and guests.” Perhaps that was because he didn’t want to give away our real names or mix up our fake names. I do not know but I observed that the information was sufficient for Tolu. We were ushered into the party, and I looked for a place to sit. I noticed that a few heads turned to look at me and follow me as I took my seat. Thankfully, the room was not very full, or I would have missed my step. I sat and Tolu sat next to me and began to chat me up.

This is not good. I immediately thought to myself.

If the president’s son comes and sees us together, he may think we are an item, and I may never get that dance.

I did my best to be nasty to Tolu. Not too nasty so he would get offended but nasty enough so he would know I did not want him around me. At first, he acted like he was thick in the head but eventually, he got the message and left me alone and went to mingle with other guests. I heaved a deep sigh of relief. I was grateful to God and said as much. But I began to wonder where the celebrant was and when he would make an appearance at his own party.

Then someone came in and asked everyone to be seated as the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria was on his way to spend some time at the party. I sucked in my breath sharply. This was the moment I was waiting for. Surely, the celebrant was going to show up now that his father was coming. There was an empty seat to my right-hand side and as everyone tried to hurriedly locate a place to sit, Tolu grabbed that chair and sat down. I couldn’t stop him but to show my displeasure, I turned my body slightly away from him.

Then the president appeared in the company of two of his sons. One looked too young to be Obi’s friend, so I had my eye fixed on the older one.

Surely, he was Obi’s friend.

Surely, he was the celebrant and the one I had been waiting to meet.

The one I had been waiting to dance with.

I kept my eyes fixed on him and did not hear any word the president said.

Until he said, “Where is the birthday boy by the way?”

What kind of question is that? He is standing next to you. You came in together did you not?

As I was having my internal dialogue in response to the president’s question, Tolu walked forward moving towards the president.

I chuckled. “Look at this foolish boy. Just because he is close to the president’s son and has some influence in the villa, he now fancies himself to be the birthday boy the president is referring to.”

“The SSS will pick you up in a minute,” I muttered under my breath.

However, nothing of the sort happened. Instead, as he approached, I saw the president open his arms wide.

“Oh! There he is!” he said, and they embraced amidst cheers from everyone. Well, everyone except me.

I felt like a complete and total idiot. How could I have been so blind? Just at that moment, they both turned towards my direction, and I was startled at the family resemblance. How could I have missed that? I thought.

“Oh, Tega. You have blown it big time,” I said to myself, and I was glad when we were all asked to take our seats again as I didn’t trust my legs to continue to carry me.

The president addressed us for a few minutes, thanking us for coming and then he looked at Tolu and said, “I am sure the birthday boy would like to open the floor. There are lots of beautiful girls here so pick one and open the floor.”

I watched with my heart racing in my chest as once again Tolu walked straight towards me.

Perhaps I still had a chance, I thought.

Perhaps I had not completely blown it with him.

I knew he liked me. I could tell he was attracted to me; he had not been able to leave my side thus far. And now he was coming towards me.

Surely, he was coming to choose me for the dance.

I was certain that he was and everyone in the room had their eyes on me as Tolu reached me. Our eyes locked for less than a second and then he turned to the girl on my left and held out a hand towards her.

As she followed him to the dance floor, I wanted the ground to open and swallow me up. I was highly embarrassed. He had done that on purpose. I saw it in his eyes. He didn’t care about her he just wanted to pay me back for how I had treated him. The party ended for me at that point. I politely turned down other requests to dance and went in search of Obi. I had become tired again. My head ached as did my heart and every part of my body. I wanted to crawl into bed and cry my eyes out. I was glad I would never have to see anyone in this crowd again.

I put the incident behind me and moved on with my life. Then three months later, Obi suddenly showed up at my workplace. I had not seen him in three months because following my humiliation at Tolu’s party, I had avoided Obi like the plague and rather than walk past the front of his house, I had taken a different route to and from work. It had worked. I hadn’t seen him. Until now.

I tried to hide my surprise and act as professionally as I could.

“Hello, Obi. How are you?” I asked. Before he could answer, I added. “This is quite a surprise. I wasn’t expecting to see you. What brings you here?”

He smiled and took a seat. At that point I mentally berated myself. I should have offered him a seat.

Professional indeed! I scoffed.

“Oh, yes. Please sit down.” I said breathlessly, as I also sat down.

Fortunately, he didn’t bring up anything about Tolu’s party or mention the fact that he hadn’t seen me in months. We talked like old friends trying to catch up and the visit ended with him inviting me to a party at Defence House. I accepted. Don’t ask me why, because now that I think of it, I do not know myself. But perhaps, the part of me that had come to like Tolu, the part that had not stopped thinking of Tolu, hoped that maybe just maybe I would see Tolu again and get a second chance.

Later that evening, I dressed carefully in black skin-tight leather pants and black halter neck top and black Pierre Cardin stiletto-heeled sandals. I wanted to look my best just in case I ran into Tolu at the party. Tolu was an officer in the Nigerian Army and deployed in Jos at the time although he spent some of his time off in Abuja. Obi had not mentioned anything about him during our conversation and I didn’t ask so I couldn’t say for sure that he would be at this party. I just hoped that he would.

Obi was on time to pick me up and we drove to a house in the Maitama district. Obi explained that because of the security at Defence House, we needed someone to take us in and we would remain here and wait for that someone. I didn’t ask who this someone was, but I had a funny sense of Deja Vu as Obi suddenly said, “Here he is now,” and started to get out of the car.

I remained inside and did not turn to look but suddenly someone was opening my door and so I had to turn and once again after three months I found myself staring into those eyes that had haunted me every single moment of every day the last three months.

I stepped out of the car and Obi was the first to speak. “Tega, I am sure that you remember my friend Tolu.”

Remember? I asked the question in my head. How could I forget?

I smiled and reached out a hand. “Yes, I do. Hello Tolu.”

His eyes never left mine and I suddenly became very self-conscious. “It is lovely to meet you again Tega.”

I do not know for how long we remained like that but then Obi spoke once again dragging us back to the present.

“I think we need to leave now. Perhaps Tega should ride with you in your car, and I will follow behind.”

“Good idea,” Tolu said giving Obi a thumbs up.

It all happened very first and before I could make any sense of what they were saying let alone agree or protest, I was being ushered to Tolu’s Peugeot 504 salon car. He shut the door behind me, spoke to Obi for less than a minute and then he was behind the wheel, and we were driving off. Where to? I had no idea. I turned my head to look behind for any sign of Obi.

“Don’t worry. He is coming,” Tolu assured me, and we both lapsed into silence.

Less than half an hour later, we were in the Aso Rock Presidential Villa, pulling up in front of a house which I presumed was the party venue although I was a little surprised because Obi had given me the impression that the party was at Defence House. He never said anything about the party being at the villa. Why were we at the villa? Where was Obi? I turned around to look again and this time my eyes met with Tolu’s. I could see some guilt, but I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

He dropped his head into his hands and sighed.

“He is not coming; he has gone home.”

I didn’t have to ask what he was talking about. I knew what he was talking about.

He looked up at me.

“There is no party, anywhere. It was just a set-up. I wanted to see you again.”

I held my breath. I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or angry.

I released my breath very slowly and looked at him.

“If you wanted to see me again, you could have said so.”

“Really?” He asked like he wasn’t convinced that method would have worked. “Would you have wanted to see me, after how I treated you?”

Then it all came back to me. That moment when I had been humiliated in front of all the guests at the party. I felt my anger brewing. I think he felt it too, because he leaned forward and cupped my face in his hands so he could look into my eyes.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I am sorry. I like you a lot. I think you know that already. I don’t know why but you were very cold to me, and I wanted to see how you’d react if I danced with another girl. I wanted to know if you liked me. Then when I saw your reaction, I felt like an idiot. I haven’t stopped thinking of you. I returned to Abuja the following month to see you and apologise but Obi said you had gone home to your family for the Christmas holidays and that you wouldn’t be back until January. This is the second time off I have had and when Obi said you were in town, I did everything including scheme to make sure I had an audience with you. I am sorry.”

I eyed him suspiciously.

“Sorry about what exactly?” I wanted to know. “Sorry that you humiliated me in front of your guests or sorry that you have connived with Obi to lie to me and deceive me?” I tried to fix him with one of my stern looks but it didn’t work out as I planned. I ended up looking like a clown at a circus.

He opened his mouth to speak and then burst out laughing. I had to join despite myself.

“Both,” he said and then he stopped laughing and cupped my face in his hands once again. “I am sorry for humiliating you. I am sorry for lying to you and deceiving you. I like you a lot Tega. I haven’t stopped thinking about you and I want to start afresh. What can I do to make it up to you?” he asked.

“You want to know?” I asked, starting to feel a tiny bit mischievous.

“Yes,” he answered but not before eyeing me warily.

Then I told him. He had ruined my chance to be the belle of the ball and dance with the prince and if we were going to start afresh, he would have to make it up. He was happy to do this, but he also demanded that I change my earlier responses to his advances. We agreed to go back to that very instance when Obi introduced all four ladies to him, and he singled me out for a chat. As we got out of the car relived the moment, I was amazed at how much he remembered. It had been three months, but he remembered every single word he had spoken to me that night.

Unlike that night, my responses were different. Now I knew he was my prince, the one I had come to meet with and dance with. I did not give him answers that pushed him away but I drew him close with every word. Then just as the clock struck midnight, he leaned into the car and put a tape in the car stereo and suddenly, the song, “I want it that way” by Backstreet Boys filled the air.

He turned towards me his eyes never leaving mine and smiled as he drew me into his arms and sang along with the band,

“You are my fire. The one desire. Believe when I say, I want it that way….”

This time there were no guests to watch us as we danced, my prince and me. Just the peacocks and of course, the stars.

-The End-

View Details

Photo credit: Canva.comIt was the year 1999. It was hmm, I think, the month of March. It was a Saturday morning and yes, it was me, Kome Edomero, behind the wheels of the metallic grey Honda Accord saloon. I was travelling from Benin to my village in Iyede for the final stage of my grandfather’s funeral rites. This stage involved the in-law’s greeting. All the men who had married my grandfather’s daughters attended this ceremony with members of their extended families to celebrate the life of the man who had been their father-in-law. It was usually a lavish affair as the in-laws used it to showcase their affluence and influence. I was looking forward to it as I made my way out of Benin.

It was the first time I would drive outside Benin, and I was excited and apprehensive at the same time. I had my younger sister Keme in the front passenger seat and my Aunt Zuazo in the back seat. Keme did nothing to help my apprehension. She did everything to heighten it, and there were countless moments I wished she was not in the car. I put some music on hoping that would calm her down. And it did but now and then she would glance at the speedometer, look at me and then look away.

As we left Benin and hit the express road, my driving became steadier and everyone seemed to calm down and get lost in their thoughts, thankfully. Then the unexpected happened. At first, I wasn’t sure what it was, but I heard a loud bang and then it was almost as if I had lost control of the steering wheel. It no longer felt the same in my hands, and I wasn’t sure why. I stepped on my brakes gradually to reduce my speed but even that felt a little strange. Finally, the car came to a halt by the side of the road. Immediately, I looked at Keme and then my aunt. They looked shaken but fine. I took off my seat belt, climbed out of the car and went around it to see what the issue was. Then I realised what had happened. The shaft had come off.

“Oh my God!” I groaned.

“What is it?” Keme sounded every bit as alarmed as she looked as she struggled to get out of the car.

As she saw what I had seen, her eyes widened.

“My goodness!” she exclaimed and looked at me. “What are we going to do?”

Before I could answer, Aunty Zuazo had joined us.

“Hmm,” she grunted. “We won’t leave here today.”

I rolled my eyes. Did she always have to be so negative? I wondered.

I examined the broken shaft. My head was spinning as I wondered what the next line of action would be. We had just left Sapele but had not quite reached the next major town, Warri when this unfortunate incident took place. No doubt we required a mechanic to fix this shaft. But where would we find one without making a trip to Warri or Sapele? And how would we get a ride to either Warri or Sapele from this point? We were in the middle of nowhere. There was no help in sight. Trying to stop a vehicle from here to get to either Warri or Sapele was pointless as no one would stop. Everyone was afraid for their lives so when people travelled, they did not stop on the road to help anyone for fear of being attacked and robbed or even killed. I sighed and ran one hand through my braided hair. This situation was a lot more serious than I realised when I first jumped out of the car.

“What do we do now?” Aunt Zuazo asked me.

I did not reply but shook my head to indicate that I had no idea what to do. Even if I decided to tow the vehicle back to Benin for repairs, I would still need to leave this spot to go into the nearest town to find a tow truck. And so far, leaving this spot was looking more and more impossible.

I sighed and looked up to heaven. I knew God answered prayers. He had answered me many times before and given me a miracle when I needed it most. Well, I certainly needed one now. I said a silent prayer. I was a little confused and not sure what I needed so I didn’t get specific. I just asked him to send an angel to help me.

He heard and answered without delay because as soon as I was done praying in my heart, a Mercedes Benz 200 V-boot saloon pulled up in front of us. The car had gone past us on top speed, then it pulled off the road made a U-turn came to where we stood and stopped.

Three men got out of the car. There were three of them but at that instant, my eyes saw only one man. He was the angel. I was certain of it. Don’t ask me how. He was tall, and yes, he was dark and handsome. He looked Hausa and had on a white brocade kaftan with a matching cap. From the moment he got out our eyes met and held. He walked towards me his hand stretched out to shake mine.

“Hi,” he greeted. “I am Hamza. I am here to help.”

I heaved a sigh of relief that was so deep it didn’t go unnoticed. Hamza laughed, revealing perfect white teeth.

“As I drove by, I couldn’t help but notice three women in distress standing by a broken-down vehicle. You looked so helpless I had to come back. And I am glad I did.” At this point, he took his eyes off mine for a moment and looked at Keme and Aunt Zuazo. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Aunty Zuazo greeted with a lot of enthusiasm, drowning Keme’s greeting in the process. I could not help but roll my eyes. “We are so glad to see you,” Aunt Zuazo continued. “We had no idea what to do next. Thank you very much for coming to our aid.”

“Not a problem at all, Madam. It’s my pleasure.”

Hamza remembered his companions just then and made the necessary introductions. Then, without much ado, he got back in his vehicle and drove to the nearest town to fetch a mechanic. He went with one friend while the other friend waited with us. He was Umar. He didn’t talk very much to me or Aunt Zuazo but spent a great deal of time chatting with Keme. Hamza soon returned with a mechanic who thoroughly examined the vehicle before going back with Hamza to get the parts required to fix the broken shaft.

Hamza was God sent to us. He not only went out of his way to get a mechanic, but he also picked up the entire bill. I tried to insist it was not necessary and it wasn’t as I had money on me to foot the bill. But my arguments fell on deaf ears, and I realised one moment before Aunt Zuazo pinched me hard that I was starting to sound like an ingrate. So, I smiled sweetly, and said, thank you.

And oh, lest I forget, he bought us lunch.

-The End-

View Details

How Did Liz Murray Go From Homeless to Harvard? What Lessons Can We Learn?

Liz Murray is an American inspirational speaker who went from homeless to Harvard University. She is the founder and director of Manifest Living and one of the most highly sought-after motivational speakers in the world. She is the author of the International Bestseller titled Breaking Night: My Journey from Homeless to Harvard, and a movie has been made about her life, titled, Homeless to Harvard: The Liz Murray Story. Liz was born and raised in the Bronx. She had loving parents, but they were poor and addicted to drugs. This meant that as Liz grew up she would often go without food and was regularly absent from school. As a result, she found it a challenge to connect education to a future that was possible and unlike her present and past. A friend of the family named Arthur would step into Liz’s life and not only mentor her but change the course of her life. As he was a neighbour he was always available to help her with her schoolwork. He began to take her out on day trips and show her places and a life that was different from what she had experienced up to that point. He helped her to see that she could be more and do more and that if she had dreams for a better life they were not out of her reach. Her parents would eventually contract HIV/AIDS leading to the demise of her mother when Liz was only 15 years old. Following the death of her mother, her father moved to a homeless shelter. Arthur, who was her mentor and guide, died suddenly from a heart condition, and Liz was left all alone to face life and the challenges it would throw at her. She became homeless when she was only 15 and in high school. She would sleep in stairwells and shoplift food to eat. But as she navigated life’s problems going forward, Arthur’s voice remained in her head and helped her make the right choices. She would go on to be accepted into Harvard University after graduating from Humanities Preparatory Academy in Manhattan, and she was awarded a New York Times scholarship for needy students. She took a break from Harvard to care for her sick father but returned to complete her studies graduating in 2009. In 2013, she was awarded an honorary doctorate of public service and gave the commencement speech at Merrimack College, Massachusetts. Liz Murray is currently a passionate advocate for underserved youth. She is married and has two children (Wikipedia).

Photo credit: Canva.comLeadership Lessons from the Life of Liz Murray

Leaders are optimistic and able to see the good in adverse situations. In the book, Hero, by Rhonda Byrne, Liz Murray stated that when her life changed very quickly at the age of 15, with the deaths of her mother and Arthur, the loss of their home and her father becoming estranged, she felt that if life could change for the worse possibly it could also change for the better. Leaders are people with hope. Are you optimistic? Are you able to see the good in negative people and situations?
Every leader begins their leadership journey by being a good follower. We all need a guide, someone who has been where we want to go either physically or mentally. Liz needed Arthur to guide her, to change the trajectory of her life, to show her what was possible, and to challenge her to seek things that were different from what she was accustomed to. Who is guiding you? Who are you following? Where are they leading you?
Great leaders will step outside their comfort zone and continuously operate outside their comfort zone. We do not grow if we remain inside our comfort zone. No dream is achieved within our comfort zone. The things that we desire to achieve are outside our comfort zone, and to attain them we must step out of the familiar and away from what is comfortable. When Arthur took Liz on day trips and showed her a better life, he was challenging her not just to desire it but to want it so badly that she would be willing to step outside of her comfort zone to obtain it. Have you ever stepped outside your comfort zone? Have you been afraid to do something and did it anyway?
Great leaders reach back to help others. Liz shares her story all around the world, primarily to motivate others. She is a passionate advocate for underserved youth. When great leaders achieve their dreams, they reach back to help others achieve theirs. Who are you helping? How are you using your experiences to enrich the lives of others?
High achievers are people with lofty dreams. They are dreamers; they dream of a better life; they dream of contributing to humanity. They are constantly dreaming. Every achievement starts with a dream. Until you dream it, you can’t achieve it. In the book, Hero, Liz shares how she would sleep in stairwells using her book bag as a pillow. She states that as she lay her head on that book bag she would dream of a better life. The life she has today began with a dream. What you dream, you will become. Are you dreaming? Are your dreams big enough? Do they excite you and move you to take action?
High achievers follow through on their dreams. They understand that an idea in and of itself has no power to produce unless it is compelled to deliver by the dreamer. What separates high achievers from failures is their ability to pursue their dream until it materialises. The vision you do not pursue will not emerge. Still in the book, Hero, Liz talks about how her mother would share her dreams with her when she was a child. Yes, her mother had goals. We all have goals. But her mother never followed through on her dreams. All she did was talk and talk is cheap. Liz says that when she was done talking, her mother would declare that she would do get around to doing it. Some day she would make it happen. Well, that day never came for her as it never comes for many. She died without seeing her dreams materialise because she never took steps to make them happen. Dreams do not fulfil themselves. What steps are you taking daily towards fulfilling your goals? What steps can you take daily towards fulfilling your dreams?
Great leaders strive for excellence. They abhor mediocrity, and for this reason they stand out from the crowd and rise to the top in business and career. While Liz Murray was a student she desired straight A’s and so got a copy of her transcript while it was still blank –she was a new student and had no results – and she wrote in the empty transcript the grades that she wanted and then began to work towards those grades. Every time she wrote her homework, she set the transcript before her as a reminder of her goals. Making straight A’s was crucial to her; she wanted the best and was willing to pay the price for it. With an attitude like that is it any wonder she went from homeless to Harvard? Do you strive for excellence?
Nobody owes you anything! The day you learn this fundamental truth that all great leaders know is the day you will be unleashed into your greatness. If it is to be, it is up to you, and don’t expect anyone to pull you out of a pit you are not making a conscious effort to climb out of. Liz Murray says that she grew up thinking that nobody owed her anything. See where that line of thinking has taken her over the years. Small-minded people go through life with an entitlement mentality, and as such, are always ungrateful. But great leaders are people of gratitude because they understand that nobody owes them anything. Are you still playing victim? Have you come to the realisation that if it is to be it is up to you?
You are going to have to do it afraid because, as Liz Murray says, you can never get rid of fear. Fear is a part of the journey to success, and great leaders know this. Therefore, they do not allow fear dictate to them the terms in pursuit of their dreams. Do you know that great leaders often do it afraid?
You are enough. Great leaders realise this. They know that they are enough to bring their dream to fruition. Many think that they need something which they do not have, and it becomes a significant reason that they procrastinate and die and never see their dreams materialise. According to Liz, if you think you are not enough and that you are missing something or waiting for the right time, there is no right time. Get up and go just as you are. God said to Gideon, go in this thy might and Nike says, just do it! What would you do today if you knew you were enough?
Successful people know that things will not always go as planned. If you have tried to pursue a dream and failed woefully, you are in good company. If you wanted to quit, you are also in good company. Many great people have had these experiences. Liz says she got rejected to the point of almost depression. Life will test you before it allows you to have your dreams. Greatness is not for the feeble-minded. Yes, it is okay to cry, and yes, it is okay to throw in the towel, but it is never okay to leave the towel where you threw it. At some point, you must pick up the towel wipe your tears, and dare to dream again. And say to life, you are going to see what stuff I am made of. I will not be defeated! Will you dare to dream again? What dream would you have if you knew you couldn’t fail?

View Details

Joy Mangano is an American businesswoman, inventor, and creator of the self-wringing Miracle Mop. Like everyone else, Joy started with a dream. She became an inventor at a young age when she dreamed up a fluorescent flea collar to keep pets safe. At the time, she was a teenager working at an animal hospital in New York. Although that invention never saw the light of day, years later, in 1990, she developed the Miracle Mop, a self-wringing plastic mop. The mop was quite unlike any before it. The head was made from a continuous loop of 300 feet (90 meters) of cotton that can be squeezed out without the user touching it and getting their hands soiled in the process. Using her savings and investments from family and friends, she made a prototype and manufactured 1000 units. She began by selling the mop at trade shows and in local stores but soon had an opportunity to sell on QVC. At first, it sold moderately, but once Joy was permitted by QVC to go on-air to sell it herself, 18,000 mops were sold in less than half an hour. That was a significant breakthrough that took her business to a whole new level. A decade later her company was selling $10 million worth of Miracle Mops every year. Joy went on to produce other items including the velvet no-slip hangers which Oprah Winfrey endorsed (Wikipedia). In 2015 a movie, JOY, was made about her life, and although it is fiction many parts are factual, and even those parts which are not based on facts contain powerful lessons which are beneficial to the woman pursuing her purpose. As such they will be mentioned here.

Photo credit: Canva.comLeadership Lessons from the Life of Joy Mangano

Everyone starts with a dream of what life will be like for them. But as people grow older and are surrounded by those who find it challenging to accomplish their own desires and who will make it their business to let them know at every turn that their dreams are beyond their reach they begin to believe that it is impossible to accomplish their goals and so they settle for less. They give up the desire to live and begin to make a living like everyone else.
Dreamers need a team to work with them to fulfil their dreams. Joy had an idea, but she couldn’t achieve it alone. According to John C. Maxwell, one is too small of a number to achieve significance. We need other people if our dreams will become tangible. We need those who believe enough to invest in our ideas, whether it is their money, time, or skills.
Our pain often leads to the discovery of an idea. In the movie, Joy cuts her hand while trying to wring a mop she was using to clean a surface that was covered in liquid and broken glass. It was a painful experience, there were fragments of glass in her palms, but it caused her to think of the possibility of a mop that could wring itself. And as they say, the rest is history.
Ask for help. You need people; you need their help, their money, their time, and their skills. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need to make your dream a reality. In the movie, Joy helps everyone in her family without making demands on them in return. But when it was time to bring her dream to fruition, she politely but firmly requested a return for the favours she had given. When we need help, we should not be ashamed or afraid to ask for it. We must know when to ask for support. Great women do.
Don’t let others speak on your behalf. In the movie, Joy’s sister spoke on her behalf and almost ruined her company. It is essential to state here that Joy has no sister in reality, but the lesson from the movie is vital, nonetheless. People who have not been authorised to speak on your behalf have no business doing so, and you have no business honouring any arrangements they made on your behalf as they were acting without your permission in the first instance.
There will be dark days. Night precedes day. Get ready for rejection. Not everyone will receive your ideas with open arms, and they don’t have to. But if you keep going the yes will begin to come, the doors will start to open, the day will break, and the darkness will disappear.
When you begin to pursue your dreams, look out for petty jealousy. In the movie, we see Joy face plenty of petty jealousy from those close to her. People will not necessarily hate what you are doing; they will just hate that it is you doing it. They will undermine what you do and say there is nothing special about it and that anybody can do it. Ignore the distractions and keep moving in the direction of your goals.
Naysayers will tell you that you can’t. Oh yes, prepare for that too. As you begin to act on your dreams, naysayers will spring from everywhere and tell you that you can’t embark on the journey. They will give you the reasons why you will fail. But please understand that often it is not that you can’t, as much as it is that they couldn’t. They will project their failure and regrets on you.
You will have to fight for what you want. It will not drop in your lap. You will have to make sacrifices. You will lose some things. In the movie, Joy almost lost her home, and she signed the papers declaring she was bankrupt. The pursuit of dreams is not easy or cheap, and that is why not everyone can see their ideas come to fruition.
You will have to demonstrate to those investing in you that you have what it takes. Ideas simply are not enough, no matter how good they are. There is a person that you must become to see your dreams come to fruition. If you don’t become that person, your ideas are never realised. It’s as simple as that.
Sometimes you must reject rejection. You have to say no to the nos. That’s what Joy did. In the movie, when the first attempt to sell her mops on QVC failed, she was informed that there was nothing more they could do for her. It was over. But she had made thousands of mops and re-mortgaged her house at this point, so she wasn’t taking no for an answer. She demanded a second chance and an opportunity to go on air to sell the mops herself. She got what she wanted. When you reject rejection, you will invariably get a second chance.
You will be embarrassed. Prepare to be humiliated. People are cruel, especially frustrated people who have not realised their dreams. They will laugh at you; they will mock you, and they will ridicule you. They will tell you that you are a bad wife, bad mother, bad daughter, etc. You will encounter these things. In the movie, Joy had to face humiliation before she had her big break. And I am confident that there was nothing fictional about that part of the film.
Sometimes you will throw in the towel. Oh yes, life will test you before it lets you have your dream. You will reach your breaking point and more often than not, you will break down and cry and throw in the towel. But you know what? That’s okay. When you’re done crying, pick up the towel, wipe your eyes, and get back in the race. That’s what Joy did.
Be careful when you take advice. Not everyone can give you sound advice. Don’t seek medical advice from a lawyer or legal counsel from your doctor. Do your homework. Don’t let people intimidate you because of what you don’t know. Don’t let them twist your arm to do things their way. Do your due diligence. In the movie, Joy makes costly mistakes at the commencement of her business because she accepts counsel that was given to her without doing an investigation to determine if those advising her were right. She eventually corrects the mistake but only after she has done her homework.

What happened to you? What has become of the dreams you had as a child? What would your younger self say to you? Would they thank you?

View Details

Canadian singer, songwriter, and actress Shania Twain was born on the 28th of August 1965 as Eilleen Regina Edwards to Sharon and Clarence Edwards. She was the first of three daughters. When she was two years old, her parents divorced, and her mother moved to Timmins, Ontario, with her daughters and married Jerry Twain, an Ojibwa, and together they had son, Mark. Jerry adopted Shania and her sisters, and their surname was legally changed to Twain. Jerry and Sharon later adopted Jerry’s baby nephew Darryl following the death of his mother.

Shania had a traumatic childhood. She never knew her biological father. There was always a shortage of food in their household as her mother and stepfather earned very little money. But she did not reveal her situation to school authorities, as she feared they might break up the family. She started writing songs as a young girl to escape from the negative situation in her home and to distract herself from hunger. To pay the family bills, she began singing in bars at the age of eight. The marriage between her mother and stepfather was difficult; her mother struggled with bouts of depression, and her stepfather was an alcoholic, violent, and mentally ill. One time, when Shania was about 11, Jerry beat Sharon unconscious and plunged her head into the toilet repeatedly. Shania hit him across his back with a chair. He punched her in the jaw; she hit him back. Jerry often abused Shania, physically, psychologically, and sexually but she never reported it as she couldn’t bear the family being separated. In mid-1979, however, Shania convinced her mother to drive the rest of the family 420 miles south to a Toronto homeless shelter while Jerry was at work. But in 1981, Sharon returned to Jerry with the children.

In 1983, after graduating from school, she moved to Nashville to sing country, and in 1987, she was on the brink of achieving her dreams when Jerry and her mother were killed in a car crash. She abandoned her dreams and moved back home to become a substitute mother to her four siblings and for the next six years, she supported them by singing at a local resort. In 1993, a record label signed her on, and she became known as Shania. She was an instant success, and her second album, The Woman in Me, released in 1995, sold 20 million copies worldwide and brought her widespread success.

In 2004, Twain entered a hiatus after a diagnosis of Lyme disease, and dysphonia led to a severely weakened singing voice. Twain did not make a record for 15 years. During this period, she also divorced her first husband, Robert John Lange, who had an affair with her friend. She is currently married to Frédéric Thiébaud.

With over 100 million records, she is the best-selling female artist in country music history and among the best-selling music artists of all time (Wikipedia).

Photo credit: Canva.comLeadership Lessons from the Life of Shania Twain

Sometimes our dreams are placed on hold as we serve others and help them achieve their goals. Great women are great leaders, and great leaders are great servants. Shania Twain put her dreams on hold to serve her siblings following the tragic death of both their parents. Every great person is a servant to others. No one is truly great, who does not help others.
While we cannot choose how our lives started, and the circumstances surrounding our birth and early years are outside our control, we can decide how our lives end. We can change the trajectory of our lives, and it is possible to rewrite our narrative. We do not have to settle. We do not have to repeat the mistakes of our parents. Shania Twain understood this and great women understand this.
Sometimes leaders make sacrifices to maintain the status quo. Living in a home where there was always a shortage of food supply could not have been easy. Being raised by a stepfather who abused her physically, psychologically, and sexually could not have been easy. Shania Twain could have reported the situation at home to the authorities but she chose not to because she was thinking not just about herself but about other members of her family and how the breakup of the family would impact each member. She made a sacrifice to hold the family together; to maintain the status quo.
Great leaders are selfless. We see Shania display selflessness repeatedly. When she declined to report the abusive behaviour of her stepfather, and when she refused to report the inability of her parents to provide adequately for the home, she was selfless. When she returned home to care for her siblings, putting her dreams on hold in the process, she was selfless. Selflessness is vital to relational success, and it is a fundamental ingredient for business and or career success.
Talent is a gift that brings us fulfilment and helps us escape our current reality. Shania Twain, amid hunger, violence, and abuse, took refuge in her ability to sing and write songs. This gift helped distract her; it helped her escape momentarily from the reality of her situation. Our giftings and talents are needful, necessary and helpful in escaping our reality.
It is okay to dream, just for the sake of dreaming. It is okay to escape your current reality to maintain your sanity. Great leaders know that sometimes they must flee or retreat in other to win another day. We have been told to go beyond dreaming to bring our dreams to fruition, but I think that it is okay to dream just for the sake of dreaming; even if you are unable to bring that dream to fruition, daydream to maintain your sanity.
Great leaders know that their gifts will make room for them. The gift Shania had from a young age helped her support her family. It eventually brought her out of poverty. Don’t ignore your gifts and talents, as they have the power to bring you out of frustration and hardship.
Life happens, understand this, and don’t take it personally. Sometimes when all is going well, life throws you curve balls. This is a truth that pertains to everybody and is not unique to you. On the verge of a breakthrough, Shania Twain lost her parents and had to abandon her dream. She experienced fame, and then an illness caused her to take a hiatus for over a decade. She got married and her husband betrayed her by having an affair with her good friend. But she kept moving forward. People and indeed situations can only take from you what you permit. No more no less.
Embrace setbacks as part of the journey to greatness. There are valuable lessons that we learn from setbacks if we are paying attention and embracing the processes that are valuable and help us attain and maintain success. Our character is developed during a setback in a way that it can never be developed during a winning season. Setbacks toughen us and help us build resilience, which is necessary for success. And in a season of setbacks, we can identify what is truly important and be grateful for it.
Great women weather the storms of life. Therefore great women are survivors. Shania Twain survived a traumatic childhood, she survived a disease that almost caused her to lose her voice, she survived a hiatus that lasted well over a decade, she survived the betrayal of her husband who cheated on her with her good friend, and she survived divorce. She weathered the storms and she came out on top. You can do likewise.
Great women are positive and see good in adverse situations. And I believe this is one reason they can weather the storms of life. Shania never reported her stepfather or the harmful situation in her home because even at a young age, she could see the positive in the adverse situation, she realised that they needed each other and should remain together for better or worse. Being able to see the silver lining in every situation is so crucial as it helps us to be grateful and not to be hasty in making decisions that might take us from the frypan and into the fire.
Great women are steadfast. Shania Twain demonstrated steadfastness from a young age. She did not report her stepfather’s abuse, but more importantly, she also never acknowledged her biological father publicly as she thought it was not proper to acknowledge a man who had not been there for her paying bills, putting a roof over her head, food on the table, etc. She was committed and steadfast. She was also grateful. Her stepfather may not have been the best father in the world but she knew he had done what her biological father had failed to do.
Great women are an inspiration to other women. Their story sends a simple but powerful message to other women. One that says, if I can, so can you. Shania Twain survived a childhood full of trauma, a marriage mixed with betrayal and heartbreak, and went from poverty to best-selling female artist in country music history; anything is possible for you.

View Details

Anastasia Soare, who is famous for the revolution in eyebrows and popularly called the “Eyebrow Queen” is a Romanian-American billionaire businesswoman and the CEO and founder of Anastasia Beverly Hills. She was born and raised in Romania, where she studied art history and architecture. In 1978, she married a ship captain named Victor Soare, with whom she has one daughter, Claudia Soare. They divorced in 1994.

At the height of the Cold War, Anastasia and her family escaped communist Romania in search of a better life. Her husband sought asylum from the American embassy in Italy, and six months later, he was in the United States. After three years, Anastasia and their daughter were able to join him.

When she arrived in Los Angeles, Anastasia had no money; she could not speak English and worked fourteen hours a day in a beauty salon. In no time, she understood that eyebrows were an under-exploited area, and developed a technique for shaping people’s eyebrows according to their unique bone structure and natural eyebrow shape. As she was required to work long hours, and for low pay, it soon dawned on her that nothing was going to change without a conscious effort on her part to change it. She had set out to America in search of a better life, but the experience she had was not the better life she anticipated. She decided to stop waiting for her situation to change and change it. She rented a room in a Beverly Hills salon and began offering facials, body waxing, and eyebrow sculpting to her clients and moved from there to running her salon situated in Bedford Drive Beverly Hills. Her clientele grew and included celebrities. Her unique method of shaping eyebrows made her stand out from the crowd and become an instant success. Her business is currently a global empire with over 1,000 outlets in the United States and more than 600 outlets internationally. She is estimated to be worth 1.2 billion dollars (Wikipedia).

Photo credit: Canva.comLeadership Lessons from the Life of Anastasia Soare

Take a hard look at your life, and change what is not working. This is what Anastasia did. When she was working fourteen hours daily for little pay, she had to look at her life and realise that until she changed what she was doing, nothing was going to change. Her advice in Rhonda Bryne’s book Hero is simple, she says, look into your life and if you are not happy where you are or with the job you have, change it. Refuse to settle for less than what you want. Refuse to be content with smallness. And understand this, until you change, nothing changes. Doing the same thing will give you the same results. Anastasia worked for over three years doing the same thing and getting the same results. But once she changed what she was doing, she began to make progress.
People will try to talk you out of your dream; therefore, you must be sure of yourself and what it is that you want. Every idea attracts naysayers, and unfortunately, many have allowed naysayers to talk them out of their vision. When Anastasia attempted to rent a shop in Beverley Hills the landlord immediately told her that she could not pay the rent doing eyebrows. If she wasn’t sure of what she wanted that was enough to dissuade her. But she knew what she wanted, and in time, she proved the naysayer landlord wrong, and he would eventually say to her, are you sure you are doing eyebrows there?
Believe in yourself. Anastasia believed in herself, and this was primarily because of the words her mother spoke to her. When she was only six years old, her mother sent her grocery shopping with a list, and at first, she was afraid, but her mother assured her that she was smart and could do it so she went, hanging on to those words. She returned with all the items purchased, and her mother said to her, I told you you could do it. This caused her to believe in herself, and a belief in herself led to her success in business. Now, perhaps you were not so fortunate, and your parents or the adults around you did not inspire self-confidence in you, but you can become your self-nurturing parent and inspire confidence in yourself by speaking words to yourself that build you up and destroy fear and doubt.
Avoid pessimism. According to Anastasia, Pessimism will kill any dream. Therefore you can’t afford to be pessimistic, and more importantly, you can’t afford to keep company with those who are negative. When people have no confidence in your ability to bring your dreams to fruition, and they always remind you of your failures or their words do not give you any hope for a better tomorrow, run for your dear life.
There is power in gratitude. In the book, Hero, Anastasia advises the reader to wake up every morning and count their blessings. This is vital to success. Take a close look at successful people, and you will discover that they are grateful people. You may not have the kind of job you want or live in the type of house that you wish to live in or drive the sort of car you like, but if you are alive, it is a testament to the fact that you can still have your dreams so be grateful. Gratitude increases, gratitude promotes, and gratitude opens doors. Be thankful as a lifestyle.
Determination is instrumental to success. Please understand that life will test you before it allows you to have your dreams. Your plans will not always work out the way you thought they would, things will go wrong that you did not anticipate, doors will shut in your face, people will desert you, and you will be disappointed, but in all this, be resolute. Anastasia says that she was determined that if a door closed, she would bang on it, break it down or enter through a window. It is this kind of determination that wins eventually and delivers to you your dream.
You have to be a fighter. Still in the book, Hero, Anastasia says that life is a challenge, and if you think otherwise you are wrong or delusional. She insists that if you want to move from an ordinary life to a life of significance, then you have to be a fighter. The reason is apparent, life is going to resist you. Everyone has dreams, but not everyone sees their dream fulfilled, and what separates those who see their dreams fulfilled from those who don’t is the spirit of a fighter. Those who carry the spirit of a warrior and keep fighting will eventually get that for which they have fought. Those who quit or can’t be bothered to fight must settle for mediocrity.
Don’t be intimidated by what you don’t have, recognise what you do have and market your strengths. We are all unique. We all have our place. If you want to be successful, it is crucial that you know your uniqueness and celebrate it. Don’t be afraid to be different. No two people are precisely the same. Discover yourself, discover your uniqueness and discover your worth. Anastasia admits that she had to find herself and uncover her worth. She admits it was daunting but worth it.
Opportunities abound, so seize them. In the book, Hero, Anastasia says that there are opportunities everywhere, but people don’t grab them because people don’t see them. And I believe that people don’t see them because they look like a lot of work.
Don’t be afraid to fail. Too many do not try anything because they fear failure. As Anastasia says, in the book, Hero, what do you have to lose? I believe that it is better to try and fail than to lie on your deathbed with the regret of what would have been if or what might have been if only you had tried. And I will add here that once this life is up, we don’t get another chance to try. This is no dress rehearsal; this is the real deal.
Life returns us our investment. What are you investing in life? If you invest a little, you will get a low return. According to Anastasia, life is like a bank account, and you can only withdraw what you have deposited. She says, don’t put little and expect to get big. It is not going to happen.
Stop making excuses and start making progress. Excuses will destroy your dreams. Yes, there will be challenges, and yes, there will be obstacles, but you can find a way around them. You can learn what you don’t know. You can build from nothing. Anastasia started from nothing; she had no money, she didn’t speak the language, and she certainly didn’t understand how things worked in her new country. She had to learn. Some would have used it as an excuse and allowed it to limit them, but she chose to learn those things which were necessary to get her where she wanted to be.
No dream is an end in itself. Life is progressive. The fulfilment of one dream usually creates a situation that causes us to have another goal. Anastasia dreamt of going to America, and eventually, that dream was fulfilled, but once in America there were obstacles and challenges, life was not how she expected it to be, and so she had to dream another dream, a dream of owning her own business, and work to bring it to fruition.
Where you are is usually a preparation for where you are going. The harsh life Anastasia was faced with in Romania prepared her to face a tough life in America overcome the hurdles, and rise above the challenges, to see her dream fulfilled.
Great women are an inspiration to other women. Their story sends a simple but powerful message to other women. One that says, if I can, so can you. Anastasia Soare went from a penniless immigrant to a billionaire businesswoman and, so can you.

View Details

Amelia Earhart was without any doubt a very bold and courageous woman. She was the first woman to make a first solo flight across the Atlantic Ocean. Her journey to becoming a pilot began as a child. She was fascinated by planes and loved airshows. Once, she visited an airshow with her family, and her father paid a pilot $10 to take her on a flight. As soon as the plane left the ground, Amelia knew without any doubt what her life purpose was. She wanted to fly aeroplanes. This profession did not readily welcome women at the time, but that did not deter her, nor did her family’s inability to afford the flying fees. She decided she would work to pay for her flying lessons. And that was what she did. Then she was chosen to be part of the Friendship Crew which made her the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean. Everyone was impressed and praised her for this feat, but Amelia told them she couldn’t take any credit for it as she hadn’t done any flying albeit she was already an accomplished pilot. The reason was that she was not trained in instrument navigation. But as she had begun to take an interest in women’s issues and desired not only to be a voice for women but inspire women and girls with the feats she accomplished, she set for herself an ambitious goal to become the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She achieved this successfully but not without many troubles on the way all of which she was equipped for having prepared five years for the flight. This feat brought her greater recognition and indeed made her a voice for women. But then she was restless and soon set for herself a new challenge. This time it was a solo flight from Hawaii to California. Another pilot who had attempted it had been killed, but she went anyway having evaluated her chances of success to be fifty-fifty. It was a successful flight which brought her more recognition. She rechallenged herself, and this time it was from Los Angeles to Mexico and Newark. She made the trip successfully and once more her recognition grew as did her fans who were now in the habit of overcrowding her plane wherever she landed. Then she attempted a trip around the world. On this trip, she would fly to South America, Senegal, Calcutta, Asia and Australia, New Guinea, Howland Island, Hawaii and finally California. She never made it back home. Her plane went down, and she was never found. But she died doing what she loved. And lived as an inspiration to many women and remains an inspiration decades after her demise (Wikipedia).

Photo credit: Canva.comLeadership Lessons from the Life of Amelia Earhart

Great women are courageous women. Amelia Earhart was nothing if not courageous. It takes courage to live and stand out from the crowd. If you will be recognised, you must be brave. Those without courage merely exist and die without recognition.
Great women do not take credit for what others have done. Instead, they look for ways to earn credit. These women do not want a free ride or recognition undeserved. When Amelia was praised for her Friendship flight, she turned the recognition to the one she felt deserved it and sought ways to earn credit.
Great women are honest. When Amelia refused to accept a commendation, she felt was not hers, she was honest. She was displaying integrity. This is what great women do; they are truthful enough to say, it wasn’t me, I don’t deserve any accolades.
Great women accept responsibility for their actions. When Amelia decided to embark on the trip around the world, she knew if she didn’t return her husband would be blamed for letting her go and she said to him, I alone am responsible for my decision.
Great women do not sit on their laurels. They continue to challenge themselves and seek ways to break their own This is what Amelia did. Whenever she broke a record, she set another one.
Great women are life-long learners. Amelia paid to learn from the best. And she continued to learn the things she didn’t know about flying and improve on herself.
Great women take time to prepare. They are prepared for anything that could go wrong. They anticipate what might fail and ensure they are ready when it does fail. When Amelia made her solo flight across the Atlantic Ocean, she faced a lot of challenges, but she was well prepared for every single one of those challenges.
Great women never take anything for granted. Amelia learnt never to take anything for granted and to check everything for herself before a flight.
Great women invest in themselves. Amelia invested in herself. She wanted to be a pilot, and she participated in flight lessons. It is shocking how many women want something but are not willing to invest in themselves to get it.
Great women ask questions. As part of Amelia’s commitment to learning to fly, she quizzed those who had done what she wanted to do. Leadership guru, John Maxwell, has said repeatedly that great leaders ask questions.
Great women do what they love. Amelia loved flying, and she dedicated her life to flying, learning about flying and writing about flying. Everything she did was linked with flying.
Great women attempt new things. These women do not want to live with the regret of never having tried out something that had been in their hearts. Amelia was a woman who continually attempted new things. She did not know if she would succeed or fail and she did not let that thought consume her, she was content just to try.
Great women evaluate risks. Before they embark on any task, they acquaint themselves with the risks involved, and they assess the risks to determine their chances of success intelligently. These women do not rush into anything without having done their homework and made an informed decision. Amelia Earhart knew the risk involved in every flight she undertook.
Great women inspire others. Their story gives hope and sends across a simple message, one that says, if I can so can you. Amelia hoped that what she did in the air would inspire women and girls on the ground.

View Details

Photo credit: Canva.comI am Rume. And what you’re reading is my story. It’s not the story of my entire life in case you were wondering. It’s a story about a bizarre meeting with one man. Nansak Danjuma. It was quite an insightful event which taught me a thing or two. I hope you glean as many lessons from my story as I have.

It was my final month of the yearlong National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) scheme, and, like a few other corps members, I was getting just a little bit anxious as I had yet to secure a job. I spent a large portion of my days and nights in deep reflection on what my life would be like if I left Abuja at the end of my youth service without gainful employment.

Most corps members I spoke to had one absurd suggestion or the other about who to meet and what to do to secure permanent employment. The truth is, I heard all kinds of ideas, some of which I won’t even bother to write here.

Anyway, it was during this period that I met a middle-aged man named Michael Hendricks. He was originally from Nigeria but had spent the better part of his life in America and as such had naturalised. He was on a visit to Nigeria in search of a contract as a friend of his had recently become a very prominent member of the Federal House of Representatives.

Michael was lodging at the Sheraton Hotel and Towers in Wuse where I happened to be working at the Nigeria Airways ticket desk. If you’re a Nigerian reading this, you can probably guess how long ago this was. This was before the final collapse of Nigeria Airways. We were the last staff of the nation’s flag carrier airline. I don’t know if that is something to be proud of though, as it does give off the impression that we delivered the final straw that broke ‘the camel’s back’. Working with Nigeria Airways was my primary assignment under the National Youth Service Corps scheme, but it was not a job I could keep as the airline was already having management problems and downsizing its workers.

Michael was passing through the foyer where the desks of all the major airlines in the country were stationed and he stopped at my desk. At first, I thought he was interested in making enquiries about our flight times, but soon it became obvious he was interested in me. I was certainly not interested in him. However, as we were talking, I mentioned I was leaving the job in less than one month as my service was coming to an end. He wanted to know if I had secured a permanent job. I said that I hadn’t, and he proceeded to go on and on about his influential friend who he felt sure could get me a job. The man’s name was Nansak Danjuma.

I did not know Nansak Danjuma as I had never met him. But I knew of Nansak Danjuma. Who didn’t? I had heard his name from several quarters. My fellow youth corps members talked about him everywhere I went and from what little I had heard about him, he was not only influential but from a very affluent family and if anyone could get me a job in any organisation I desired to work within the country, he could. He was the man, so to speak.

Michael noticed I had become more attentive and assured me that he could introduce me to Nansak. He added that Nansak was expected to join him for lunch later that afternoon and asked if I would like to come over when I closed from work. I said that I would. It was a Saturday, and on Saturdays, I closed early. We agreed that when I closed at 1 pm, I would make my way upstairs to his room. He provided the room number, and he left.

I was excited, to say the least. I couldn’t believe that after hearing about Nansak Danjuma I would be meeting him in person, and he would help me secure a job and prevent me from joining the unemployment market after my service year. Finally, 1 pm came, and I closed my desk for the weekend and made my way upstairs to Michael’s room.

When I knocked on the door, he opened almost immediately. He was expecting me. He offered me a seat, and I sat and tried to concentrate on the TV show as I wondered how long it would be before Nansak arrived.

Then Michael excused himself and went into the bathroom to take a shower. I felt a bit uneasy, but I shrugged it off. Big mistake. A few minutes later he resurfaced with only a towel around his waist. And might I add, a very small towel? I began to wonder if I had done the right thing in coming up to his room. He looked like a responsible man, no less than fifty-five years of age and I had assumed he was a decent fellow, but the truth was I knew very little about him and for all I knew he could rape me right inside this room.

If he noticed that I had suddenly become a little tense and sitting on the edge of my chair, he remained silent about it. He walked over to where I sat and reached out a hand to stroke my back.

I jumped to my feet immediately and picked up my handbag as I did.

“I must be on my way now Mr. Hendricks,” I informed him.

He seemed surprised.

“Oh. But why?” he asked and waited for no response. “You only just got here and besides you wanted to meet Nansak who I can confirm is even now on his way. So, what is the hurry? Relax.”

As he spoke, he moved closer and placed both hands on my shoulders trying to draw me towards himself.

“Mr. Hendricks, please stop this at once! I came here because you appeared to be a decent man and I believed you wanted to help me when you said you would introduce me to Nansak.”

“Yes, I do want to help you, and I will introduce you to Nansak. I have told you he is on his way, so why don’t you relax and let’s – “

Let’s nothing! I thought.

The man’s request was becoming crazier with each moment that went by. And frankly, I had heard enough. I did not wait for him to finish; I pushed him away and moved towards the door. I paused as I reached it and turned to look at him.

“You lured me here for sex under the guise of introducing me to Nansak?” It was a question, but I did not require an answer. “Shame on you, Mr. Hendricks.”

He shook his head in disbelief.

“Why are you behaving this way? Why are you doing this? Come on! Surely, you are not a baby. And you are not a virgin either. You should know by now that nothing goes for nothing. It isn’t every day you get an opportunity to meet a man like Nansak Danjuma. Surely, you know how this meeting will change your life. Come on.”

“You want me to sleep with you in exchange for an introduction to Nansak?” I asked although I already knew the answer.

He sighed and ran a hand through his thick grey afro hair.

“And is there anything wrong with that?” He sounded exasperated. “You know what you stand to gain when you meet Nansak.”

“I do,” I confessed. “But I won’t sleep with you.”

He shrugged. “Well then, the ball is in your court. Do as you please. But remember that nothing goes for nothing.”

I opened my mouth to respond but closed it again. I would not respond. I was too disgusted. I turned towards the door and opened it.

“Think carefully about this!” I heard him say as I walked out and shut the door behind me.

As I left the hotel, I was so deep in thought that I didn’t realise I had walked to the end of the road. I had intended to get a taxi just outside the hotel gate, but here I was already at the end of the road. I decided to go across to the other side of the road and hail a taxi from there.

I crossed the slightly busy road and stood on the other side, ready to hail a taxi, when my eye caught a black Toyota Land Cruiser. It was on the opposite side of the road and the driver seemed to have been watching me the entire time because as soon as I looked at him, our eyes locked and he began to make wild gestures with his hands requesting me to wait where I was as he was going to make a U-turn and come to me. I wasn’t sure I had correctly interpreted his ‘sign language’ but as I looked on with a frown on my face, I noticed that he was already indicating and trying to pull out of the traffic, so he could turn and come over to my side of the road.

I found the development rather fascinating. I did not know the fellow although I had to admit that I was flattered because he was the kind most girls dreamt of; tall, dark, and handsome. He had to be tall, his head almost touched the roof of the vehicle, although now that I think about it, he could have been sitting on a cushion. He also looked very rich and young which meant that there was a possibility he was single and available. His eyes never left me, and he continued to signal with his hands for me to wait for him.

Finally, he turned his vehicle around and came to a stop in front of me. He opened the front passenger door and leaned over, and I could see a smile of relief on his face. He appeared delighted to see me even though he didn’t know me. He couldn’t know me. How could he? I had never seen him in my life.

“Please come in. I will take you wherever you are going.”

I hesitated at first, not sure if I should, but he reassured me that he had no plans to harm me.

“Listen, I saw you at this same spot a few days ago, and I tried to turn around to pick you but before I did you had entered a taxi and disappeared. Since that day I have prayed to meet you again, and when I saw you today, I realised it was an answer to my prayer. Please come in, I only want to meet you.”

I got in, and as I put my seatbelt on, I looked around the luxurious interior of the vehicle. What was a bit strange was that the seats were covered in the country’s flag complete with the coat of arms.

“Very impressive,” I muttered under my breath as he drove off. “Are you someone important?”

He shook his head. “No. I am just a government worker,” he said, then asked, “Where am I taking you?”

“Home.”

He took his eyes off the road for a fraction of a second to look at me.

“Where is home?”

“Fort IBB, Asokoro.”

He nodded. “Great. I get to know your house today, so you will never escape from me again.”

“Really?” I asked intrigued.

“Yes, really.” Again, he took his eyes off the road for a split second to look at me. “You know I am supposed to be meeting a friend now at the Sheraton Hotel, but it can wait. I have prayed to meet you again, and now that I have, I am not going to lose you. Tell me your name.”

“Rume,” I answered. “Aren’t you going to be late for your appointment at Sheraton?”

He shrugged. “I will be late, but it doesn’t matter. You are more important. The guy wants something from me so surely, he can wait for me.”

“Hmmm,” I commented. What else could I say? Then it occurred to me that I had not asked his name. “So, what is your name?”

He looked at me and smiled and then looked back at the road. “Nansak Danjuma.”

I almost passed out. “No, you are not!” I exclaimed, wide-eyed and wide-mouthed.

I looked around me quickly. My eyes took in the luxurious interior of the vehicle, the flag that covered the seats, and the nation’s coat of arms.

“Of course, you are,” I muttered drily.

He chuckled, apparently both surprised and amused at my reaction to his name.

“Obviously the name is familiar to you but not the face. Why did you react that way?”

“Oh, it’s just that a little while ago, I had a very unusual experience with a man at the Sheraton Hotel who had promised to introduce me to Nansak Danjuma.”

I proceeded to tell him about Michael Hendricks and his amorous behaviour towards me. Perhaps I shouldn’t have. He pulled off the road suddenly, brought the automobile to a stop and turned to face me. There was anger in those eyes.

“Did he touch you?” he demanded to know.

I was not expecting this reaction from someone I had only just met.

“No, he did not. I walked out on him.”

“Good. I would have killed him.”

He dropped me off at home and later that evening he returned to take me out to dinner. On Monday morning, Michael Hendricks came downstairs to my desk to confront me. He demanded to know what I had said to Nansak. It appeared that Nansak had had a word with him, and he was not a happy camper. What did I care? I had told no lies and made no false accusations. I politely asked him to leave as I was working. He was not delighted, but he complied. I never saw him again.

So, in a nutshell, that’s how I met Nansak Danjuma. We went out on a few dates before I left Abuja and lost touch with him. No, he did not get me a job or make any significant changes to my life. I reckon that was not the purpose of my meeting him. Looking back I realise that my meeting with him had been God’s way of teaching me a valuable lesson, or maybe I should say a couple of valuable lessons.

Lesson number one is that the things that we seek, are usually already seeking us. If I have heard it said once, I have heard it said a million times, that what we seek, seeks us. I was seeking Nansak but unknown to me Nansak had already seen me and was praying to meet me. He was seeking me even as I sought him. How awesome is that?

The second lesson is that there is always more than one way to achieve a goal. Did you ever hear that African proverb that more than one road leads to the market? Well, that’s the lesson right here. I didn’t have to lower my standards and sleep with Michael Hendricks to meet Nansak. I didn’t even need Michael Hendricks to meet Nansak. I could have met Nansak any number of ways outside of meeting him through Michael Hendricks. And, I did.

-The End-

View Details

As Sisan entered Pastor John’s office, she looked sorrowful. Anyone could tell that she had been crying because her eyes were red and puffy. She also looked unkempt, and not the least bit bothered by her appearance. Her braided hair was covered in a scarf, she wore no make-up on her face, and no jewellery adorned her ears neck and wrists. And to crown it all, she donned a dress that looked like it could do with some ironing.

Pastor John was very surprised indeed to see her in that state. He was unsure where she was coming from dressing like she was and where she intended to go when she left his office. As a matter of fact, he was amazed she was in his office, to begin with as he was not expecting her and she should be at work. In the six months that he had pastored the Warri branch of The Healing Rivers church, it would be the first time she would show up in his office without any prior notice. Not that he minded because Sisan was a well-known and well-liked member of the church which she had attended for the last decade since she became a born-again Christian. She was also a very committed member and had served the church in various capacities in the last ten years. Pastor John and his wife, Mabel, had taken an instant liking to her when they first arrived in the church’s Warri branch, as she was one member who not only constantly volunteered her time and resources to serve God and the pastorate but did it excitedly and could always be counted on. God, in turn, had blessed and prospered her. In the six months that Pastor John had been in the church, Sisan had been promoted on her job and had bought a house, which happened to be her second, in the best part of the city.

Although she was grateful for God’s blessings upon her finances, Sisan desired to receive God’s blessings upon her marital destiny, and that so far had not happened. She had celebrated her forty-fifth birthday in a lavish ceremony with family, friends, and brethren from the church only a month ago and albeit she appeared to be happy, Pastor John was painfully aware that her being unmarried at forty-five was a major source of concern to her. On one occasion, prior to her birthday, she had spoken to him about the issue, and he had observed that she was close to tears. He had encouraged her to hold on to God and have faith that God would answer her prayers and the right man would come in God’s perfect time.

Today she had come to see him, and without any notice or appointment, and dressed as she was, which he had to admit was very unlike the Sisan he knew. Pastor John was very perturbed even as he wondered if all was well.

He rose to greet her as she approached his desk.

“Sisan.” He said, “How are you?” although he really didn’t need to ask. It was obvious how she was.

Sisan shook her head, “I am not fine sir.” She responded, her voice only a little above a whisper. Without waiting to be invited to sit down, she dropped into a chair and sighed deeply, burying her face in her hands as she did.

Now Pastor John was even more troubled.

“Sisan, what is the matter?” he wanted to know as he sank back into his chair.

Sisan raised her head and cupped her face with both hands. She looked him straight in the eyes.

“Pastor, I should ask you that question, after all, you are a man of God. Please tell me, what is the matter with Sisan?”

Pastor John was thrown off balance as this person sitting before him was now a stranger. She did not look like the Sisan he knew, she did not speak like the Sisan he knew, and she certainly did not act like the Sisan he knew. As he contemplated what to do and silently prayed to God for wisdom, she spoke again.

“Pastor John, I am asking you a question. What is the matter with Sisan? Why can’t Sisan get married like other women? Why can’t Sisan have a family, a husband and children like other women? For years, I have been told that God will do it. Well, Pastor John, when is your God going to do it? When is Sisan going to get married? If he has no man for me why can’t he tell me and stop deceiving me?”

And then she broke down and began to weep uncontrollably, her head buried in her hands once again.

“Did I commit a crime by giving my life to Jesus? Have I been wrong to commit myself to his service for the last decade? He has given me everything except the one thing that I truly want, to be married and have children. I am forty-five, Pastor John and people say to me, “God will do it.” When will he do it, I ask? When I am fifty-five and too old to bear children? Why has he chosen to make me a laughing stock in my family and amongst my friends? Is that my reward for a decade of faithful stewardship in his kingdom?”

For a few minutes, Pastor John watched in silence as she wept and accused God of being unfaithful to her. He didn’t quite know what to say to her, but he thought it wise to allow her vent before saying anything. He had never seen her like this before. She had voiced her disappointment over her inability to marry but never had he seen her break down or lose control.

“What haven’t I done to get married” she continued amid wailing. “In the last ten years since I became born again, I have met with seven prominent pastors who have prayed with me over this issue and all to no avail.”

She named the seven pastors who had prayed with her and indeed they were the most prominent pastors in the country. All the names she mentioned were familiar to pastor John. He knew every one of them. They were the most anointed men of God in Christendom in Nigeria, and Pastor John held each one of them in high esteem. His heart sank. He had desired to pray with Sisan once she had stopped crying and calmed down but once she mentioned the names of those men who were all more anointed than he was, he gave up. If they had prayed for her and she was still unmarried what good would his prayer do? However, just then he heard the Lord speak to him.

“Ask her about the circumstances surrounding her conception.”

He frowned as he wondered what that had to do with the matter which was on the ground. A matter which he had to admit was very serious indeed. But the Lord spoke again and insisted that he ask Sisan about the circumstances surrounding her conception, and so he obeyed.

“Sisan, do you know anything about the circumstances surrounding your conception?” he inquired and even as the words left his mouth, they didn’t sound quite right in his ears.

Suddenly Sisan stopped crying and looked up. The look in her eyes confirmed his initial fear that the question was out of place. But as the Lord nudged him, he persisted.

“Do you know at all? Did your mother ever tell you anything about your conception?” He was now more confident, and Sisan perceived this.

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands, as she tried to pull herself together. But she still had a frown on her face.

“Well, I do recall that my mother once told me a story about how she became pregnant with me after being childless and unable to conceive for fifteen years.”

Pastor John leaned forward in his chair. He was very interested in this new development and certain it would lead somewhere. Prior to this time, he had never known that Sisan’s mother had challenges with conception. He did know that Sisan was the first child and only daughter of her parents. She had two younger brothers, and they were both married with children.

Sisan still looked confused, as though she wasn’t sure where this was leading and what it had to do with her desire for a husband. She expected Pastor John to at least pray with her like the other mighty men of God had and not begin to quiz her about things that transpired even before she was born. But because Pastor John looked like he was waiting to hear the whole story, Sisan began to speak, telling it as she remembered.

“Well, my mother told me that she had been childless for fifteen years before becoming pregnant with me. During this period, she had been to many fetish priests and made sacrifices to different deities, without any success. My father’s family had given her a lot of grief and sent her packing on three occasions, but each time my father brought her back. Then a friend of hers from Sapele told her about a powerful deity in her hometown, named Sapele after the town. She was certain that Sapele would give my mother a child and my mother went with her to the shrine. When they arrived, the fetish priest seemed to know why they had come even before they mentioned it. And my mother was surprised that, unlike the other fetish priests she had visited, he did not ask for money or any sacrifice to be done. He assured my mother that she would become pregnant immediately she departed from the shrine and bare a daughter. All my mother had to do was agree that the daughter born to her would be Sapele’s wife. My mother agreed and just like that she became pregnant the same month and I was born nine months later.”

She shrugged her shoulders as she finished the story, still uncertain what it had to do with the matter on hand. However, as she finished, pastor John jumped out of his chair blasting away in the Holy Ghost. She had never seen him so elated. She frowned and wondered what was going on.

“You have been unable to marry thus far because you are married to the deity called Sapele.” He said matter-of-factly. “Did you tell this story to any of the pastors who prayed for you?” he asked.

“No” she shook her head, still in shock and doubtful about his revelation. “They never asked.”

“Well, that is it. You are married to Sapele. No man in his right mind approaches a married woman for marriage. Therefore no man has approached you for marriage. If you are going to be married, the marriage covenant between you and the deity Sapele which your mother agreed to on your behalf, out of ignorance and in desperation, will have to be broken.”

Sisan frowned. She was still doubtful, but she was willing to give it a try. What harm could it possibly do?

“So, what do I do now?” She asked.

“Are you ready to end the marriage covenant between you and the deity, Sapele?” Pastor John returned her question with one of his.

“Yes!” Sisan exclaimed, horrified that he could ask her such a question. Why would she want to remain married to Sapele if it was hindering her from getting married, like other women? Away with the demonic marriage!

Pastor John led her through a set of simple but powerful prayers, denouncing the covenant and its effect upon her life and destiny. Then he prayed a simple prayer ending the marriage covenant and declaring her single and free to marry.

“Is that all?” Sisan asked when he was done.

“Yes, Sisan. Go and pick a date for your wedding date, pick a dress, and do whatever else it is women do when they are preparing for their wedding.” He said in a tone of voice that told Sisan the conversation was over.

She stood to her feet, feeling a lot better than she had minutes ago when she walked into his office.

“Thank you, sir.” She said and walked out of the office. She wasn’t sure what to think or believe. Was that it? Was that really it? Just like that? Was she free? Would she now marry?

Three months later, Sisan was married. She married a fine young man named Toju who incidentally happened to be an old secondary schoolmate of hers. Within one week of leaving Pastor John’s office, she ran into Toju at the Shell Club in Warri. He lived in America but was in Warri visiting his parents. She had not seen him since leaving secondary school, and the first thing he wanted to know was if she was married. Well, she wasn’t, and neither was he, so they married.

This story has been taken from the book, Preparing to Cleave, by Eturuvie Erebor. Available on Amazon.

View Details

Photo credit: Canva.comIt was a regular day, and Nina was meeting an old friend for lunch. She had not seen him in about ten years, but they had been in communication via telephone and social media. The last time she saw him, she had been going through a divorce, and his marriage was on the verge of a breakup. She knew it had eventually ended as hers had but she didn’t know what he was up to. Was he remarried, or perhaps seeing someone? She had no idea as he never talked about that aspect of his life and she never asked. Their conversations had been few and far between in the last decade, and when they occurred, they were to talk about how one could help the other.

This lunch meeting had been set up because Nina needed his help. She was interested in renting one of his properties. When she had initially contacted him to discuss it a few weeks ago, he informed her he was out of the country and would call her when he returned. He did, and they arranged to meet up for lunch. As she entered the restaurant, he rose to greet her.

Nina immediately had a flashback to another time, actually, the first time she had met Chris. It was 17 years ago, and neither of them had been married. A mutual friend had introduced them because he thought they would make a good pair. And at first, it seemed that way. Their first meeting had been magical, love at first sight but then for whatever reasons, the other meetings that followed were a real nightmare, all they ever did was fight, and it soon became clear to them and those who watched them from the sidelines that they had no future together. So, without saying anything about it, they just drifted apart, he got married and so did Nina, but then neither of their marriages worked out.

“Hey, Nina.” Chris smiled and embraced her as she reached the table where he was. “Please, sit down.”

“Thank you, Chris.” Nina sat down beaming. “You look well.”

He smiled his thanks. “So do you.” He looked her over. “It’s good to be able to see you again finally.”

They spent the next few minutes exchanging pleasantries and then they ordered their food. As they ate, Chris mentioned that he had asked her to meet him up because he wanted to discuss something important. Nina raised an eyebrow. What could he possibly want to discuss with her? She wondered. She had been under the impression that this meeting was all about her wanting to rent his property for her business.

“So, what would like to discuss with me?” Nina asked.

Without much ado, he began to speak. He had been married to his first wife for several years without a child, and when the marriage ended, he was so frustrated and desperate to have a child that he got four girls pregnant at the same time. Nina’s eyes widened in shock even as she gave thanks silently that she hadn’t been trying to swallow at the time; she might have choked on it. He went on to say that unfortunately, none of the girls had a baby. Two aborted their pregnancies, a third miscarried hers and Nina didn’t hear what happened to the fourth. And then he decided to remarry. Now he was remarried, but his wife had complications, he had taken her to many experts, and they all said she couldn’t have children.

“Oh Chris, I am so sorry to hear that.” Nina’s voice was just above a whisper. He must feel devasted.

He sighed and smiled. “What happened to us, Nina?” He asked momentarily changing the subject.

Nina gulped. She didn’t like the way he was looking at her. He was now remarried, what did it matter what happened to them?

“It’s all water under the bridge now, Chris.” She responded with a smile. “It was not meant to be.”

“You know sometimes I think of you, and I feel like the man who made his girlfriend his wife and his wife his girlfriend.” He had a trace of sadness in his eyes.

Nina began to think that coming out to have lunch with him was a bad idea. She had no idea he had remarried, and she did not come to rekindle any flames, she just wanted to discuss his property which she wanted to rent for her business! This was awkward, to say the least!

“Well, Chris, I believe that if we were meant to be together, it would have happened.”

“I believe it can still happen.”

“Really? How? You are married.” Nina reminded him.

He hadn’t forgotten. He went on to offer Nina a deal. He thought that since she was now single, they could get back together again and have children together. Nina couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Listen, Chris, if you had come to me with this proposal when your first marriage ended, perhaps I would have considered it, but now, there is nothing to consider; you have a wife!”

He went on and on talking a lot of nonsense as far as Nina was concerned and she had stopped listening. But what she deduced was that he wanted her only so she could give him children. He would send her to live in America while he lived in Nigeria with his wife and he would visit her regularly. Try as she may let him know that this was madness, he persisted. Finally, Nina snapped.

“Listen, Chris, this proposal of yours to make me a concubine and baby-making machine might be acceptable for some women but not for me. You need to look elsewhere. You see, there are many women out there with no purpose for their lives who will jump at a chance to be your concubine and baby-making machine in exchange for living in America, or even in exchange for some rented flat and a second-hand car but it’s not for me. I have a purpose, I know my purpose, and it does not include being a woman on the side, a second wife, a concubine or baby producing machine. I will not allow you to destroy my life and my future. I have dreams, and there is no material comfort that you are offering me now that I can’t give myself, if not today then someday soon. I am a hardworking woman, and I will be able to have the life I want eventually. Besides, have you considered that you might be the one with a problem? Your first wife had two children when she married you, but at the time she was married to you, she had several miscarriages and never kept any pregnancy to full term. Then, you got four women pregnant, and you had no baby to show for it. Now you are remarried, and your wife has complications making it impossible for her to have children. Think about it; you don’t need a second wife or concubine, you need deliverance. And I need to get out of here before you pass on your demons.”

She got up, grabbed her purse and stormed out of the restaurant.

View Details

Every day we make choices whether we are aware of it or not and the choices we make have the power to make or unmake us depending on if they are right or wrong choices. My question to you is, what choices are you making? Today, you are a sum of the choices you made yesterday and tomorrow you will be a sum of the choices you make today.

Ruth was a woman who benefitted greatly from the choice she made. She was a young woman from the land of Moab and the daughter-in-law of Naomi, a woman of Bethlehem-Judah. Both women met in the land of Moab where Naomi sojourned with her husband and two sons; one of her sons married Ruth and the other married Orpah who was also a Moabite. But neither had children before their demise. Before the death of her sons, Naomi had lost her husband, and so she was widowed and childless and decided at that point to return to her land and people. Ruth had two options; she could return to her people, remarry and get on with her life as she had no obligation towards her former mother-in-law or she could go with the woman and take care of her as a daughter seeing she was widowed and childless. She made a choice to go with her mother-in-law, and that choice eventually made her one of the women in the genealogy of Jesus Christ. Upon arrival in Naomi’s homeland, Bethlehem, Ruth met a wealthy man, a relative of Naomi who became her husband and they had a child who became the grandfather of King David. Since Jesus is from the lineage of David, it follows that the choice Ruth made placed her amongst the ancestors of Jesus Christ. So, when the genealogy of Jesus is read, Ruth is also mentioned. No one knows what became of her sister-in-law Orpah, who made a choice to remain in the land of Moab, she moved into obscurity as the Bible never mentioned her again.

Photo credit: Canva.comLot also made a choice; there was strife between his herdsmen and the herdsmen of Abraham, his uncle, and Abraham noted that they could no longer live together and asked Lot to choose a different dwelling place for himself. Lot chose to go to Sodom and Gomorrah, and from the moment he arrived, he began to experience misfortune, the first being that he was taken hostage when a small group of kings fought against the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah. On this occasion, Abraham went to war to rescue him. The next misfortune was the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah in which he lost his married daughters, his wife, and all his substance. The man who went into Sodom with great substance came out empty. As if that was not bad enough, his two daughters who survived the disaster entered an incestuous relationship with him. You may wonder how all this calamity befell one man. The answer is simple; the choice he made ultimately unmade him.

Ruth made a choice; Orpah made a choice, Lot made a choice. Their choices yielded for them different results. Ruth was made by the choice she made; Orpah and Lot were unmade by the choices they made.

Our choices are powerful, and they can make or unmake us. Therefore, as people created and destined for greatness, we must exercise caution as we make choices.

You will make choices today; what will they make you?

View Details

“Escape for thy life! Do not look behind you.” This was the charge given to Lot and his family as they departed from Sodom and Gomorrah.
Lot was Abraham’s nephew and he went to live in Sodom and Gomorrah after parting from Abraham. Unfortunately, the men of Sodom were wicked and God chose to destroy the city. However, because of Abraham, He spared the life of Lot. The angels sent to destroy the city were instructed to first remove Lot and his family. Sadly though, Lot could not depart with all his family members, he had daughters who were married to men of Sodom and their husbands did not believe Lot when he told them the land was about to be destroyed therefore they remained and Lot left with his wife and two unmarried daughters. Although they were given a clear instruction not to look back as they departed, Lot’s wife disobeyed this instruction and became a pillar of salt.
Several things can be learnt from Lot’s wife and her destruction. Firstly, whenever we look back we become rooted to the spot and unable to move. Stagnation and lack of progress become the order of the day each time we look behind us because no one goes forward looking backwards. Every time you turn to look at where you are coming from, you are rooted to the spot and not making progress. This applies also to those who ‘sit on their laurels’, and glory in their accomplishments. When they do this, they are looking behind, at past events and therefore rooted to the spot and not moving forward or making progress.
Secondly, in the journey of life, ultimately we travel alone. We may come from large families, and have plenty of children, and lots of friends but ultimately we travel alone. People will enter and exit our lives but they will not travel with us, this is painful but true. Lot’s wife did not understand this and was obviously weighed down by the thought of her family members left behind in Sodom and unable to make the trip. Therefore, when the sound of destruction reached her ears she forgot the command and turned towards Sodom where her heart was with the loved ones she left physically but not emotionally and she was destroyed.

Photo credit: Canva.comThirdly, we must be prepared to embrace change when it comes, or risk destruction. Change sometimes happens suddenly as it did for Lot and his family. Lot’s wife did not welcome the sudden departure from Sodom which left her no time to kiss her friends and loved ones goodbye. She was ushered out of the city without any time to emotionally and mentally separate herself from it. As a result, she turned back to her detriment.
Finally, we must be ready to step out of our comfort zone, out of what is familiar to us and reach for that which is unfamiliar but necessary for our preservation and growth. Sodom and Gomorrah represented a comfort zone for Lot’s wife but it also represented destruction. She was at home there, she and her family had embraced the culture of the people and this is evident because her daughters were married to men of Sodom. Suddenly, she was thrust out of the land, out of her comfort zone, out of that which was familiar to her. She had no idea what the future held and what to expect and because she was unsure of the future she turned to the past to her undoing.
Sometimes we must step out of our comfort zone especially if it has become a place of limitation and destruction and move towards a future unknown, but, it is not a reason to return to that which we have left. Therefore, my closing charge to you is this; whatever you do from this point onward, don’t look back.

View Details

This happened a few years ago, while I was still attending Bible school. One day, I was sitting in class waiting for my lecture to begin, the lecturer was running late which was very unlike him, and I did wonder what the issue might be. Eventually, when he showed up, he explained to us that he had been caught up in an emergency and proceeded to tell us what had transpired.

A young man, who was well known to everyone in the class because of the privileged position he occupied as a Personal Assistant to the General Overseer of the church the Bible school was affiliated to had just been arrested. We all gasped in horror! What had he done? We wondered, but before we could ask, the story continued. He had been stealing money by falsifying records and what was done in the dark for over a year had finally come to light. This was very shocking indeed as the young man did not seem capable of anything that had been said, but we also knew our lecturer was not the kind of man who would say such a thing about anyone unless it was true. As we tried to recover from the initial shock, another followed closely behind.

The young man had not been acting alone. The General Overseer had a beautiful young niece who lived with him. She was like a daughter to him as he had no daughters, only sons. He took very good care of her and lavished money on her. At the time, she was an undergraduate in a private university. Well, it seemed that somewhere along the line, the PA of the General Overseer had begun to date his beautiful young niece and introduced her to his sharp practices. They soon became a team or a crime duo like Bonnie and Clyde (I will talk about that another day). They stole together and falsified documents and figures to cover their tracks until they were caught, beginning with the young man. When he mentioned the role played by the General Overseer’s niece, no one believed him, but when they searched her room, large sums of money were recovered from under her mattress and inside her wardrobe. Needless to say, that she was also arrested. I never knew what became of her, but your guess is as good as mine.

The reason I share this story is that too many times, women throw away their lives in the name of love. What kind of love is that that sets you back instead of moving you forward? What kind of love is that that moves you from law-abiding citizen to criminal and sends you to jail or an early grave? What kind of love is that that sets you against members of your family? What kind of love causes you to drop out of school? Don’t be deceived; the right man will make your life better not worse. He will add value to you and not subtract value from you. Discern.

View Details

A king must have a queen, even if he does not want one… Though the crown prince of the Benin Kingdom, Crown Prince Osad Edoni, is prophesied to marry a local girl, Eki Alile, he refuses to meet her. He finds the whole idea ludicrous and has already decided on a different destiny that he […]

View Details

DOZ Show started on the 9th of November 2017 for the purpose of using the story of one woman to inspire other women, to find their God-given purpose, to rise from the ashes, bounce back from adversity, find purpose amid their trials and live life to the fullest. For 131 weeks, we have released […]

View Details

Charlene Quaye is the guest in this episode of DOZ Show. She is the first lady of House of Prayer Outreach Ministries and the president of Diamond Pillars Women’s Ministry. She has been called for such a time as this to empower women from all walks of life and has a mandate to make a […]

View Details

Meagan Copelin the guest in this episode of DOZ Show. She is Founder of Mental Rich, a mental health movement dedicated to helping women who suffer from mental illnesses, occurring from abuse, abandonment and rejection. Meagan’s passion is to become a trailblazing voice for young girls and women worldwide. Drawing on her own experiences of […]

View Details

Traycee Gales is the guest in this episode of DOZ Show. She is a celebrity, faith and entertainment journalist who is the creator and executive producer of Gospel Access. She specializes in gleaning and sharing the success strategies and testimonies of those at the top of their game in order to empower others to step […]

View Details

Deidra Roussaw is founder of TrulyWed Wives, a wives ministry educating and training wives through wife coaching, retreats & conferences, wives night out, savvy wife toolbox, romance concierge, signaturized slumber parties, WifeStyle Mentoring Program, group and private one on one WifePrenuer Leadership Classes, and Public Relations for WifeCEOs. She has helped a large number of […]

View Details

Portia Hoover is the guest in this episode of DOZ Show. She is a philanthropist and entrepreneur behind the online ‘level up’ program that is changing the lives of thousands of women throughout the world. With a strong passion to help others succeed and business awareness in creating new opportunities, Portia created her business model […]

View Details

Mrs Taiwo Ajai-Lycett is the guest in this episode of DOZ Show. She is a Nigerian actress, journalist, television presenter, and cosmetologist. She is also a feminist and was the first editor of Africa Woman magazine in the 1970s. Her acting career began in December 1966 when she acted in Wole Soyinka’s The Lion and […]

View Details

Audreia Josephs is the guest in this episode of DOZ Show. She is a life coach and motivational speaker who specialises in the “Art of Forgiveness” – a philosophy that envisions life as a journey of release and reconnection. Her own life experiences and her professional training helped form the basis of her strategy as […]

View Details

Christie Wislicenus is the guest in this episode of DOZ Show. She is a mother, grandmother, registered nurse and entrepreneur. Christie has been able to rebuild her life following seasons of adversity, which include the death of her father when she was only twelve years old, the deaths of her step-father and grandfather, an abusive […]

DOZ Show: Recent Episodes

None