Grow From Concrete: Recent Episodes
Phumelela Ningi
WHO AM I? I have been tossing and turning with this question for the longest time, not just who I am but it's been attached to a plethora of other, I guess, self identification questionsā¦..if that's even the right way to put it. Some of these questions being what am I good at? What satisfies me? What is it that when I do, I do exceedingly well, what sets me apart? What makes me, me? I believe all of these questions are all encompassed in this one question, āwho am I?ā
The other day I was lamenting to my friend about how Iāve always struggled to feel like I belong anywhere, always constantly seeming to be out of place in whatever space I occupy, I donāt remember much of what she said in response to me but what I do remember was she said āI pray God opens your eyes to see how you can turn your childhood experiences into something useful for someone else in the Kingdom. Youāve always belongedā.
This is quite a personal story, not that the others haven't been, a story I was reminded of by enquiring minds that reminded me that hindsight can remind you of the journey and the grace found in the journey though we may not immediately see it. Hereās my offering, of peace and hope from a place that was previously broken. If you prefer to read, you may also find the same piece on my blog. Here is the link š https://mouthpiecewordpresscom.wordpress.com/2023/12/07/looking-through-the-scars/
Made an error when I first started talking and said season 2, it's actually season 3. Well, welcome again. Self check in? Very important. Before we dive right into this season let's first do a quick self check in with ourselves, if you've done it or have mastered doing it already... Kudos to you. If you're a bit like me & you get lost in the hustle and bustle of life and forget to check in with yourself, well please take this reminder to do that for yourself. We all deserve a little stillness and quiet to hear Our Heavenly Fathers voice.
This is the last episode of season 2 on my podcast and I'm so proud of myself. It's not much, an amateur podcast and project but working towards something and on this episode I talk about that and courage the process of creating on this platform has given me. And I hope after listen you realize that it's okay to not start perfect but to start and develop as you go and as you go realizing the need for excellence and authenticity. We are all well able to do the things Jesus has given us ability to do and I hope we all push past fear and uncertainty and put out our work out there and trust that Jesus is looking out and we are getting better.
The basis of my trusting in Godsā promises has always found it's anchoring in trusting His character. Because the promise can exist, but the person promising will always be the determining factor if the promise will be fulfilled as said. God on the other hand, none of what He says returns to Him void, He doesn't say something to entice us and then in the next breathe withhold from us what He has said. His reputation speaks for itself, He will surely do it, if He said He will. Now, not to say our own human proclivities don't cause us to at sometimes doubt, it is in these very moments that when I'm doubting the fulfilment of the promise because of the humanly FACTS presented before me, that I earnestly remind myself of the character of the one who has promised. He is not capable of lying, He is TRUTH Himself and does not ever tell a lie. Pastor Don said this past Sunday that āEven in our moments of weakness and doubt, He still loves usā. Doubt does set in, human proclivities get the best of us, but none of it taints who He is to us, a loving father who has no intentions of withholding any good thing from us His children(Matthew 7:9-11), no matter how long it may take in our eyes for the promise to be fulfilled, It is always on time because to Him ,a thousand years are like a day that has just gone by.(Psalm 90:4)BELIEVE HIM WHO HAS PROMISED BECAUSE HE IS FAITHFUL AND HE WILL DO IT.
I hope my transparency helps make you feel like youāre not alone because I know how daunting it can be to sometimes have to heal from things one would feel you should be over and sometimes we project that even on our own selves. I felt comfortable sharing this, telling you about having to visit little me and facing her brokenness. I felt comfortable because itās been a deliverance to watch myself become better because in these areas Iāve heeded the Holy Spirit. I provide no answers but simply my story but stories are know to provide a form of clarity, inspiration and a symbol of whatās possible. Nothing we overcome is done outside of the one and only saving Grace which is the love of Jesus. And every story I tell about myself, I can boldly say has always had His fingerprints and none of mine. And for that, Iāll always be eternally grateful. Enjoy this offering and share with me some of the things youāve also had to shed over timeā¦..
I had different thoughts about this episode but I just couldnāt get my thoughts together properly so Iāll put it off for next year. What was, however, overflowing in my heart was an expression of gratitude and so I chose to go with that. This is my last episode for 2022. Thank you so much for being part of my growth. Hereās Keletsoās link to her blog as promised: https://bloggingwithfervor.wordpress.com/?fbclid=PAAaaUaJRSOGX7ltitlIqaQWFuiSXxiwUG40Pg1MwgrtIIkL9lgkZKsE2CJuc
Please enjoy this little story about how I got my diploma certificate through thick,thin and testing of my integrity. I probably go on a tangent as well but isnāt it how it is just talking to your best friend?
But now I see better. I donāt know if itās 30 or it was just time I saw better, what I do know for sure is that as I approach 30, hindsight has me seeing all of Gods fingerprints in the moments that felt like a crushing, when things looked like a mess, when nothing made sense . And now that Iām almost 30, I find myself grateful to Him who has kept me, raised me, protected me, taught me, held my hand. What a good good Father and the wisest potter to ever mould this clay that is me.
I mused over the title of this podcast for a while. Well, I sure hope this one works, I made a solo executive decision. š Anyway, where I come from grief looks different from what I imagine it should be, and it wasnāt until I lost my brother that I realised just how brutal it can be in the presence of an unsympathetic multitude or a multitude that is used to the norm and stereotype of what itās supposed to look like. Or even a multitude that doesnāt know how to grieve and just projects. It hurts, aside from your own grief. But where I come from, your have to tend less to the grief and tend to the multitude. So when do you get to give grieve the space it needs, afterwards, after the funeral when the multitude is gone and has grown almost oblivious to your grief. When youāre left alone to create a new normal, thatās if , unlike me, you donāt suffer feelings of guilt over grieving after the last goodbye. Letās talk about itā¦.
I struggled with this one. I struggled real hard. To not only be authentic, but to how far I can even take it and how Iād be perceived thereafter. More than anything, I was struggling with self.But I promised myself Iād be real and raw on here, and this is my honest serving, even though it was hard.
This was recorded late 2021 but the healing didnāt stop then, some sentiments may have changed ,some not but the healing has always continued from then till now. But thatās growth aināt it? Itās still relevant because Iāve been saying yes and allowing myself to heal, to be exposed and to be vulnerable. An intentional work. A necessary work. Fear has been swallowed up in victory.
I realise I just jumped into the thick of things the first time I released a podcast. Let me fix that and first introduce the podcast itself and why itās called Grow From Concrete. At first I tried to sound like every podcaster, instead of just meā¦with room for improvement of course. So here I am;doing Grow from Concrete my way but first let me let you in on why I decided on the name. Come on this journey with meā¦ā¦.
Hey guys
This is not a long episode,just a reflective one on what having community looks like, and what it means to be surrounded by a village.
And I go into something probably unrelated to community, but just an encouragement in what is sometimes a tough season that that in all that is happening in the world may we not loose heart and remember that Jesus has already prayed for us even as it seems the enemy is sifting us and testing us. Jesus has prayed for us and because He has already bridged that gap , we are already victorious.
Merry Christmas and a happy new year you guys. Love you all lots.
Hey yawl! This episode is really close to my heart. I know a lot of people have absent father stories and so I hope you heart a piece of yourself in my story.
Navigating a rare margin of gratitude and joy in a year of collective and individual pain. Why did I choose gratitude and joy in the margins. Because all of this joy has brought me to a place of firm gratitude.
Hey ya'll, on this very long journey sometimes we forget who we are and whose we are. We forget that we serve a God who speaks to us,and so forget to ask for His guidance 24/7. This is where I found myself at, thinking I know Him that well to not ask anymore. I was in the church, serving and everything but not putting much effort into our own intimate relationship with my Father,who wants to speak to me. I titled this episode "Homecoming",because I feel like the prodigal son who strayed from his Father and found himself in trouble and decided to go back home. I've decided to go back home to my Father too.... enjoy. Thank you.
Hey ya'll, I know it's been a minute,a long minute but I'm back. Life just took an unexpected sharp curve and I was thrown into the deep end but I managed to swim and now I'm here,back. In one piece. In this episode we tackled a toughish subject yet important subject with my friend Kanyi;Loving our Backslidden friends. Also do check out her podcast;Coffee with Kanyišš»
I said I wanted to be honest, to be real...and in this episode, I open up about the loss of my brother and the ups and downs of grieving. It is not to educate anyone on grief because I too try to navigate through it daily. What I express on this episode is my heart, my story, with the hope that it resonates with you and remind you that you are not alone. We are not alone.