Life Be Lifing - SoundSage

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This week Sebastien discusses embracing a broken heart and how to heal from it. In this episode, he touches on What To Do and What Not To Do.

Somebody Said:

Shout out to #TheChildThatOwn

Make It Make Sense:

Supreme Court has overturned Roe v Wade | 1973

Final Thought:

Embracing the #SoftLife

Podcast Social Media

IG: @lifebelifing

#LifeBeLifing #LifeBeLifingPod

Personal Social

IG: @iamSebastien

#iamSebastien #AsAlwaysLove

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Besties!!! It's my b'day and I'm giving you a FULL life update on my career, love, and self. Sit back relax and listen up.

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Welcome to Life Be Lifing an all-new show besties!

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How do you know you’re in a sneaky link situation?

You two are not seen in public with your sneaky link
The person only answer calls or texts when they are alone
Can only link in a discreet place. (hotel, car, at night time etc.)
You do not spend time with your sneaky link on major holidays/even

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The REAL Gay Agenda

LGTBQ+ folk want equal rights (jobs,marriage,adoption, housing laws etc.)
End discrimination of the LGBTQ community
Stop killing black trans women. (Dave Chapelle comedy special)
It is against the law to be gay in many countries ( Iran, Nigeria, Pakistan etc.)
We need laws to protect against discrimination of LGBTQ

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Chile, life has been lifing and on this episode I discuss the struggles of adulting and figuring it out. This is a constant journey but just know we ALL go through it. Adulting is HARD AF!

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In traditional heterosexual relationships the women typically does more of the domestic tasks such as cooking, cleaning etc. while the traditonally, men work and provides for the family.
In gay relationships, it typically is untraditional and there are no specific gender roles.

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Lending Money To Family or Giving Money (there’s a difference)

Set a cap
Set up a payment plan
Ask them what do they need it for
Examine the risks of a co-sign
Create a formula for lending
Teach them how to treat you/let them know about your hard deadlines
Look at their spending habits before you lend
Look at your own finances before making a loan
Get everything in writing

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Are you a ghoster? Have you been ghosted? This episode dives into ghosting culture and why does it happen. Get in to this tea!

Reasons for Ghosting in a Situationship/Relationship

Avoidance and Afraid
Scared of heuring another person's feelings
Bad communication (Bad at expressing true feelings to partner)
Never Established Intentions
Met Someone else
(Communicate Your Expectations)
No chemistry or compatibility
Too much baggage (Bad energy; Negative)
Not sexually compatible
Clingy
Controlling
Changed your mind
Too busy for a relationship (work, school, family, friends, goals)

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On this epsiode I disuss tips on coming out and the strugges of this transition. I hope this episode resignates with anyone who is currently going throught this tough process and know you are not alone!

Coming out is about you and no one else
- If your safety is in jeopardy keep it to yourself
Be patient with who you are coming out to (could be a shocker/process)
There is no proper way when coming out to your family and friends. Whether you are prepared to come out or pushed out, the experience can be very overwhelming and nerve racking but also liberating.

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Listen as I update you guys on what's going with me as I transition into a new chapter in my life. I hope you are excited as much as I am besties!

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Breaking Down Sexual Roles

Top
Bottoms
Verse
Vers Top
Vers Bottoms

Where does bottom shaming come from?

Initiated within the gay the community
Misogynistic and ignorant heterosexuals
Toxic Tops
Adopting hetero normaltives

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For the first time, I'm opening up a door deeper into my life. My baby brother joins me on this episode to discuss growing up with me as an older sibling and his experiences. This was an open and honest conversation with no prep.

Let me know what you think Besties!

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We've all been there... that moment you have to let go of a friendship. It's not easy, but sometimes it's necessary. In this episode, Sebastien dives into when it's appropriate to let go of a friendship that's already served its purpose.

Sit back relax & take a listen besties!

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Can you believe it's already been a year since I left my corporate job?

This week I'm doing a special life update on things and where I am. Here is my journey. Looking forward to sharing more with you.

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Hey Besties! Today I am getting into Da Baby and his discouraging comments made at Rolling Loud. Not only were they insensitive but quite disturbing.

-The miseducation is so much louder than the truth.

-Making comments like this is damaging to the work being done.

-Black women & black gay men are the leading demographic who are being diagnosed.

How were your words twisted if it literally came out your mouth?

-There was no interviewer asking questions.

It was unwwarned.

-There’s a plethora of other options and words to use a call to action or reaction from the crowd.

How do you know what people are living with or dealing with?

-The stigma that centers around HIV & AIDS still reign's prevalent today.

-The education needs to be just as loud as the miseducation.

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What Men Are Really Thinking

1.) "Just because I’m not talking doesn't mean I’m not enjoying my time with you."

Somebody woke up and chose violence with this one.
I personally love the intimacy of conversation and depth
Not being able to talk/speak to one another feels like a disconnection

2.) "It’s hard to get over you after a breakup. We don’t really have emotional support in place to rely on, and a lot of men have small social circles, so losing someone means a lot to us."

Men aren't really given the opportunity to show emotions and hearing this was enlightening. Sometimes it is so easy to act like you don’t care.
That actually is a disservice and you have to deal/face your own shit.

3.) "We aren’t great with hints. Communication is king."

I’m not a fan of this, but somewhat I can understand this.
Balance between knowing me and picking up on some cues
Comprehension is also just as important

4.) "When we tell women that we don’t know how we..."

Take a listen now for the full list!

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Before diving “in”. I’d prefer you to explore sexuality with self first. If you’re curious about things before involving another person there’s nothing wrong with using toys.

Everyone finds their rhythm differently. Create your own rules and boundaries. Being LGBTQIA+ give us the freedom to do as we wish. Explore what you're comfortable with.

Make sure that you’re not doing thing to keep someone or have a man like you more. Never the right reasons to do anything..

If a man cannot respect your boundaries simply put he’s not the one for you. Collect your things and move along.

Sexual Titles / Roles

Top
Does the penetrating
Usually /Typically deemed as the masciline role
Men will lie about being “total tops”
Fetishizing around “total tops”
Bottom
Is the receiver aka the one that is penetrated
Bottom shaming is a thing. Misogyny plays a major factor in this. The position as the bottom is deemed as the “fem role.” (insert eye roll)
Verse
Prefers to dabble in both position
Those who like this position will be penetrated and do the prentrating
There is verse shaming as well
“I’ve heard a lot of verse men say they are get passed on by bottoms because “total tops” are seen as more masculine or desirable
Verse Top
Predominantly tops but will occasionally bttm for the right partner
A lot of men who are verse will say they’re verse top to still get action from a bttm
Verse Bottom
Predominantly bttms but will occasionally top for the right partner

How to discover your position…

Self pleasure is the first step in discovering what you like
Porn is another indicator
What are you drawn to when watching (are watching the top or the bottom more?)

When to disclose your position

First thing… never assume
No matter the mannerisms of a person whether it be feminine or traditionally masculine the position can vary
Typically I don’t lead with my position
- This includes me on the apps... I try to subtly insinuate what I am (i.e. little spoon)
- I prefer a conversation before
- Somtimes leading with your position especially online people think your looking for sex. If you are, do you. If not, do what works for you.

Positions & Dating

Men don’t really approach me in person
If it happens usually it's with a DL man aggressively and sometime subtly propositioning for some “action”
Typically men pick up on my vibes without a problem

Common Things Said on Apps:

No Fats, No Fems

What to do when ready for sex…

Ok there’s s process

Cleaning / Douching

Everyone's body is different and functions differently.
- As a bottom it's imperative to be conscious of what you’re eating when and how much
- Give yourself hours before
- Things to avoid (quinoa, leafy greens, tomato sauces, deep rich colors)
- What you will need… enema and warm water
- A Clean diet does help too
- - I don’t believe in a hunger stick
  - I just know when not to eat
  - BTW I’m very regular and know my body well enough

Communicate

Be honest where you are with things
- If it's your first time… say that.
- If you not “into something” say that too
- - Me I don’t swallow or “face” play
  - Saving that for the man i marry lol
- Discuss your sexual health, partners, and etc.
- - Disclosing your status and more
Having boundaries isn’t a bad thing and don’t let anyone shame you about it.
- It's your life and your body
- If he can’t respect it… there’s always another man who will
Me:
- I like sensuality, romance, a connection
- Set a mood with candles and a good scent
Anal
Lubrication is a must
Take your time and breathe to pace the penetration
Know what position you like to receive it
- Not all feel the same
There will be discomfort and pain, but believe it or not you will feel pleasure eventually
It's all about having the right partner that can be gentle, patient, and nurturing with you
Never fear saying stop if you don’t like something or if it hurts
- No still means no matter the gender involved
Using Your Mouth / Oral
Oral sex is hella common these days
- We can be honest damn near everyone who is active is using their mouth to offer pleasure
You can either perform falatio/head or even nibble on the booty
- As a bottom you too can receive oral sex
- - A top who says he doesn’t so it either a liar or not good at it
  - As a bottom you too may want to eat the booty too ask or slowly make your way down there
  - If he doesn't like it he’ll let you know
Again no rules
Only explore what you are comfortable with and be min
Toys
Dildos, beads, butt plugs, flesh lights, or vegetables (whatever you’re into) sex toys have the potentential to transmit HIV when they’re shared during sex.
Strap a condom on your dildo and other sex toys.
Change the condom between partners.
Use lube as well water base
If you improvise, make sure you don’t use anything that can splinter or break.
Use insertables with flared ends so objects won’t get lost inside you.
Positions
Missionary
Doggy Style
Froggy Style
Reverse Cowgirl
From the side
From The Back
They are all doable
- The damn near isn’t a different

Common Questions

Can two bottoms be in a healthy relationship together?
Can one gay partner and a bisexual partner be happy together?
Open relationships: Yes or no?

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Moments I’ve Been Afraid

Doing the talent show at 14 (booed and laughed at)
Going for Homecoming King at 17 (won)
Leaving for college 18 (wanting the car to turn around)
Disclosing my childhood ssexual abuse 19/20
Coming out at 19/20
Coming back to Atlanta at 22 nothing but a credit card and a dream)
Breaking up with my Ex
Living alone
Quitting my job during a quarantine

Fear is when we are the most alive. You can feel that lump in your throat, heart racing, and maybe even start to sweat. That’s the most alive you’ll ever feel when you think about it.

Step 1: Identify The Fear

The initial reaction to fear is to turn in the other direction
Examine it
See the experience of what’s in front of you
Feel a live in the moment

Step 2: Move In The Direction of Fear

Stay grounded / Feel your feet solid on the ground
You can only do your very best and learn
You will always win with either what you want or what you need
You have to give yourself the permission to go for it

Step 3: You’re Not Supposed To Know The Way

It’s a journey for a reason
You’re supposed to learn along the way
It’s not impossible
Once you over come one mountain you’re at te bottom of another
It won’t get easier, you get better
I feel triumphant in all ive done because I havent stopped
There’s room of course to be better, but this where I learn
I constantly don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m relentless in figuring it out and giving myself a chance.

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It’s PRIDE Month!

There’s no rush
Take your time
Everyone has their process and you have the right to have your own
Learn yourself… learn you are. It takes time. I’m still learning things about me
You have so many levels to learn and discover about yourself

Admitting It To Yourself

When did you first know?
Understanding your sexuality & attraction (it is a spectrum)

How To Come Out

Make sure your safety isn’t at risk.
- Looking back I did it while I knew I was about to go off to another semester at school
- Life was screaming at me to do it
- You get this urge where you don;t want limited love or how you can see people around you be happy but “you can’t”
- I know this still happens because I get your messages
- I found a strength within that said IDGAF. Everyone can go. I only want what’s real. You can have the half love stuff.
Plan for safety, and anticipate consequences. Have a backup
You’ll have a wide range of reactions. Relieved, shocked, understanding, sad, loving, or angry
Be slow to react. Observe how people treat you and what they say.
Choosing the right time. Something that's calm, private, and not rushed.
Keep the conversation short. If the conversation becomes too emotional, it's okay to walk away.
You won’t be able to answer every question, comfort every concern, or resolve every worry in the first conversation.
Plan what you’ll say. This won’t be an easy conversation so consider writing down what you want to say.

How To Respond

If it goes well, communicate with love and appreciation. Use words like “Thank you for…” or “I love you so much.” Speak from the heart.
If they have questions or are confused, empathize and offer information. Tell them you don’t have all the answers. Be sure to offer some resources to educate.
If they care enough they will educate themselves too
If they’re angry or upset, reassure, set boundaries, or end the conversation. Let them know you still love them and don’t want to fight them.

Misconceptions

The people you come out to easily make the situation about themselves.
It has nothing to do with them.
Do not allow anyone to take this moment from you
Disclosing you sexuality is your business
- I remember being so harassed about it
- Now I know why.
- So that I can help you in your process
- Wishing I had someone to turn to to answer some of these questions
If being gay, taught, or caught…. Would the same go for being straight. Shouldn’t I have been influenced to be straight. It's as natural as breathing.
Disney movies and shows display it all the time and yet I’m still gay. So if it was taught where did it come from.
Even with sexual abuse it doesn’t determine a person’s sexualtiy

Common Questions:

When did you know?
When did you tell?
Why did you tell?
Who was the first person you told?
- Why him?
- (I didn’t feel safe)

There was no counseling for young black gay men.

No one sat you down and gave you advice

Aunt Marie would talk to you and tell you things indirectly

Pressures

Had to make up for whatever Greg lacked in

Haitians are big on appearance and perception so you feel like you had to over achieve

Emotional Aspect

You definitely feel a weight lifted, but the beauty of the community is there's a spectrum and everyone should be respected. If you are fem, masculine, in between, like make up, gowns, or trans. This is your life, your business. Don’t allow anyone to condemn who you are. There is beauty in individuality and it's meant to be celebrated.

Honorable Mentions

Its funny how (Black) families would disown the gay relative, but protect the abusing uncle.

Positives: Learn to really love yourself. Felt like all you had was You. Give yourself the risk of losing everything and everybody. Your mindset was at least ‘I Have Me’

Didn’t see many openly black gay men, so believed you didnt have many options at finding love.

But you believed there was more for you.

Informed more about healthy sex practices. But not informed on the emotional haul it has on you.

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When it comes to astrological intuition and frequency healing, Jhéanell Bloom is the practitioner you need to know. What started out as reading natal charts for fun has morphed into a thriving multi-six-figure business for Jhéanell’s AstroHIVE.

The AstroHIVE serves career-conscious women from around the world with the sole purpose of helping them identify and activate their soul’s mission. On the surface, Jhéanell is the fun-loving Jamaican-born best friend in your head encouraging you to keep going. In her daily work as a frequency energy healer and psychic astrologer, she is known as the secret sole architect in the lives and hearts of many.

Jhéanell, 33, is a married mom to two handsome sons in Florida.

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DROP ME A LINE Jump in my DMs and “DROP ME A LINE” a quick audio question/drop here @iamSebastien

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Savings vs. Investing/Why It's Important to Invest
Saving are still important
Still have a long term saving account
Still have an emergency funds in a saving account
Your money grows more by investing
Earn a high rate of return when you invest
Builds pre-tax dollars
Long term investments help you in your retirement years
Terms You Need To Know When Investing
Stocks. When you buy stocks, you’re buying a tiny bit of ownership in the company (Opens at 9:30 - 4pm)
- What is a stock? Stocks—also known as equities—are shares of ownership issued by companies in efforts to raise funding. A share of stock gives you a portion of voting ownership in a company unless you purchase preferred shares. (@modernblkgirl)
Shares: Anywhere you can buy or sell shares. All stock exchanges across India are part of the Indian share market. Any shares that you buy or sell outside the exchanges are also part of this share market. (Purchasing makes you a shareholder)
Tickers: A stock symbol is an arrangement of characters—usually letters—representing publicly-traded securities on an exchange. | Ex: – AMZN = Amazon | (@modernblkgirl)
Bonds. When you invest in a bond, you are essentially loaning money to a company or government
- Stocks give you partial ownership in a corporation, while bonds are a loan from you to a company or government.
Depreciation. Loss in value
ETF: Exchange Traded Fund. Typical introduction | An exchange traded fund (ETF) is a basket of securities that trade on an exchange, just like a stock.
- ETFs- An exchange traded fund (ETF) is a type of security that involves a collection of securities—such as stocks—that often tracks an underlying index, although they can invest in any number of industry sectors or use various strategies.
Buy the dip: means purchasing a promising stock when its price drops, assuming a fast rebound and future profits
Dividend stocks are usually well-established companies with a track record of distributing earnings back to shareholders.
- A portion of a company’s earnings that is paid to shareholders, or people that own that company’s stock, on a quarterly or annual basis.
- Dividend is a part of the profit distributed by a corporation among its shareholders. When a company earns profit during a financial year, a part of that profit is usually distributed as dividends among its shareholders.
- Dividend stock - a sum of money paid regularly (typically quarterly) by a company to its shareholders out of its profits (or reserves). Most companies pay dividends quarterly - (@modernblkgirl)
Selecting Your Investment Platforms
Prioritize needs. Think about your needs and seek the most user friendly portal.
Research. Browse online or get audio books if you don’t want to read a physical book.
Test the waters. After you’ve done the research, use the most appealing platform.
Compare opportunities vs risks.
Ask for help.
Fidelity, TD Ameritrade, Webull, Acorn, Robinhood,
What To Invest In?
Review your needs and goals.
Consider how long you can invest
Make an investment plan
Diversify
Decide how hands on to be / day tra
Check the charges
Investments to avoid
Review periodically. But don’t stock watch
My investments include: Apple Inc, Bumble, Canon, Churchill Capital, Match Group Tinder, Match, OkCupid, Hinge, POF, Ship, OurTime (45 global dating companies)
Invest In ETF (Exchange-traded fund) (Good place to start) 334.09
- QQQ: Apple, Microsoft, Amazon, Tesla, Facebook, Google, Paypal
It’s A Marathon, Not A Sprint
Wealth takes patience for most of us
Don’t trade time for money
LONG TERM - Long-term investing consists of making trades that stay open for

months, and often years. These are considered “buy-and-hold” trades. (@modernblkgirl)

DAY TRADING - Refers to the practice of purchasing and selling a security within a single trading day. ( Requires knowledge of Technical Analysis ) (@modernblkgirl)

Be Your Own Boss

Learn a new skill
Save as much money as you can
Start a side hustle such as Doordash or UberEats
Write down a plan for your business
Figure out the kind of business you need
Make it legal (getting a LLC or permits, or EIN)
Set up a business bank account
Set up a website or a social media presence
Have An Emergency Fund
Aim for 9 to 12 months worth of income
Helps if you’re unemployed
Covers a financial loss
If business is running slow, it’ll help as well
Covers surprising medical bills too
Retirement Plan
Helps you out as a senior
It reduces the amount of taxes you owe on the income for each year you invest in it
It allows you to defer or even avoid the taxes you owe on the earnings that accrue on your investments.
It produces earnings on earnings, creating a compounding effect not available in a regular savings account.

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Recognition | Terms of Endearment
How does he acknowledge you?
Ex: Babe, Boo, Pet Name, Hun, Sweet Heart, Pumpkin, Big Head, Never Calls You By Your Name
Does he call anyone else by the same “pet name” or term of endearment
- Interject story
Peep how he saves you in his phone
- “Butt Dial” while you’re near him if you need to
Does he introduce you to people? If so, ho does he introduce you with a title

1a.) Communication

Does he call you only at night?
Is he sneaky about it?
Does he ever FaceTime? Or avoid you?
Dating Style
Rarely go out in public
Time he sets the date
Cancels a lot / reschedule
Never wants to go out
Netflix and Chill

2a.) Establish Your Expectations

Have date places (activities and restaurants in mind)
Say what you’re looking for / See how he responds
- Does he avoid the topic
- Redirect the conversation
- Makes you feel like you’re crazy / making things up
Stereotypical Signs
He smells good
He knows what to say to trip you up
Has charm and a dash of culture
1. Will expose you to new things
2. Make you feel like you’re the one when he’s around
3. Disappears and says nothing when he’s away
4. Poor communication
5. Multidates behind your back
Always has an excuse
He will ghost you

Honorary Mentions

Checks out other people when you’re together
Asks for nudes early in the conversation
Too Sweet, Too Fast (Hey Queen, Goddess, etc)
Holes in their stories
Missing for hours on end
Emotionally unavailable
After You Spot Him / Keep Dating
Don’t be committed to one person if you’re not in a relationship
Don’t sit around waiting for a man to call you.
Don’t be accessible for him if he’s not making you a priority
Have him show mutual respect
Don’t assume you two are exclusive

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Definition: A Pick Me is a woman that is willing to do anything for male approval. She will embarrass or throw other women under the bus to achieve this goal. The unfortunate thing about a pick me is usually the men they are trying to seek approval from are of poor quality and treat women badly, leaving little real benefit for the pick me.

Check Yourself
Why are you pressed for a man
Pace your excitement especially early on
He has to show who he is first, before you invest your time, money, and feelings
Identify Your Standards
Establish what you want early on
Learn the difference between conforming and compromising
Titles matter
Only invest your time where there is a return
Equal effort
Pay attention to his actions and words
Don’t fear asking questions the communication start early on

2a.) Find The Balance In Submission

We love a man that leads and takes control but we can’t be a complete pushover
Make him work for it
Example: He doesn’t like natural hair, so you perm your hair to please him
Dropping everything for him if he hits you up with plans last minute
Know When To End It
Sticking to your boundaries and standards
Being single doesn’t mean you’re lonely
When you love yourself enough you can continue to honor your solitude

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Lately I’ve been in a space of trying to “find” the light. When I struggle with this I lean into gratitude.

Current Life
Unexpected shift happening around me
- Guy that I liked made another choice
- Brand partnership shifted direction
- (Don’t do it for the money / Do it for the service) | Don’t move out of desperation
- Changes occurred with Live Civil
- At this moment i dont know what I’m doing and there an odd joy nad excitement about it. I”m placing a test on life, myself, and are dreams real.
Perspective / Protect Your Energy
This is happening for me and my greater good
Be still and lean into gratitude
Gratitude expands your life
- Prayed to receive reminders and from God and te universe that I need to grateful again
- Show me the light around
- Then speaking aloud to my younger brother I knew this more so on my spirit to talk about
The recurring messages are coming at you for a reason
- The business idea I’ve sat on since last year has been brewing inside of me
- I saw a video of B.Simone placing a dollar into her savings account and was instantly inspired
- It gave me gratification that I can do it too
- Filed for the business name LLC and secured all social media accounts
- Next steps Trademarking
- The concept is something that is so simple and makes sense
- Afraid or not just do it
- Identify the fears and possibilities / Do a pros an cons list ot get it off your chest. If the pros our way the cons there is your answer. Go for it.
Things That I Want:
I want…
- to be a millionaire by 35
- Diversifying my streams of income
- a partner who is a go getter and driven for abundance in life
- Create opportunities for others
- Be of service to others and provide the key tools so everyone can make “It” too
- Everyone to experience abundance and happiness
- Other to have tier dreams come true and if I can be apart of it in one way or another I feel like being of service te most

Story:

In my twenties I was coming form a space of self and just what I wanted for me and mine
The followers / Gratification / Being seen / Known
I like my privacy. I like helping people. I like giving joy.
Between last year 2020 and now nother shift happened and purpose rose.
My passion became my motivator
The desire to want to help in a genuine place where it was less about me and how I can serve you all as listeners
The Next Move
Do what feels right
- Doesn’t have to make sense at all | You will block your blessing trying to figure out
- Feeling universe
- - What feels good to me is this podcast
  - Helping and providing clarity where there is confusion
  - This podcast is apart of my service / almost a year of doing it for free
  - There are possibilities now
- Move in faith and uncertainty
- That what faith it
- Keep in mind it don’t be foolish and spend your last dollar
- Educate yourself, ask questions, seek answers
- Want it more than be afraid of it.

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Allow Yourself To Feel The Burn

It definitely stings
Allow yourself to feel every and embrace the feeling
These emotions don’t last forever (Thankfully) / Its not the end of the world
There is risk in putting yourself out there, but there’s also a beauty in humanity
Insecurities do arise like well what about me didn’t “make it” cause I was enamored
Take heed when action change because they speak louder than the words (ex: does he call when he says he will or FT)
Is there urgency? / Is the excitement still there? / If he thinks about you he’ll show it!

Self Reflection

Know your self worth
I got a taste of my own medicine
You think of should I rebel and cover the void with another person or thing
Should I run and download another app and race to it
At this point I’m well aware these apps are all about personal validation and ego
I don’t want to rely on that
Being single is enough
Karma is real

Speak Truth

Now we don’t just blindly run into these situations
Legit was minding my business and not trying to entertain anyone, but he was persistent so I obliged
There are the Lawrences of the world / “The Nice Guy” with fuck boy tendencies
Definitely led me on, but I still held back emotionally
I still love to revel in a crush and person who has mystery. The mystic of a person is attractive to me
I still remain open because it would be unfair to my own lived experience

Better Is On The Horizon

The blessing is I’ll never have to say shoulda, woulda, coulda
I put myself out there openly
Clearly, the other person offered something I wasn’t providing
Little to no access to me
There has to be an emotions
I don’t mind the hurt and I welcome it because its living proof that I’m alive
Once I was scared that I lost touch with emotion

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Relationship Expert / Guru Message

Is he credible?
The depiction of him didn’t align with his messaging
Preached about being faithful, but was cheating the whole time
Who made him a relationship Guru
Speaks with A LOT of conviction

Hypocrisy

Never revealed his wife publicly
Cheated with 3 Women
One woman was in his bed
One was a doctor and terminated the pregnancy

Body Language / Religion

Held hands
Wife took him back
Used God as a cushion during his apology
Beanie
Army Fatigue

Capitalism

How convenient it will be to releasing a book in promotion
Product placement

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Travel

See the world and allow yourself to experience new cultures
Jamaica, PR, DR, London, Germany, Paris, Costa Rica, Mexico, Bahamas

Fall In Love

Be hopeful in love
Allow yourself to experience it
I can have my shell, but honestly, I’m open and fearless in being hurt
At this point, I feel like I’m just taking my time before I full immerse myself again
I’ve learned the ability to be open and vulnerable is way more beautiful

Take Control of Your Finances

Open a Roth IRA (retirement account)
Invest In The Stock Market regularly
- Things I already have and believe in

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Being finanicailly literate is definitely important before getting into a relationship. On this episode, Sebastien explains the importance and being financially secure before getting into a relationship or jumping the broom. Make sure you are where the money resides!

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Disclaimer:

Be better than me in all of this.

This is if you're single or even in a relationship. I’m pretty consistent with this I’m legit good with a once a month tuneup or I can even go longer. Romance and sensual. (Fair update on my neighbor)

Send Sexy Messages
Builds anticipation for what's to come if you know for sure you going there
Tell him what you want to do to him
Send him some thirst traps so he knows what he’ll get tonight
Share Your Fantasies (Long term relationship with someone)
Express something you’ve never done but want to try
Have sex in a new location
Don’t be embarrassed. Share your fantasies over a glass of wine. Remember that you’re in a safe space.
Attire:
What do and don’t wear sets of what’s about to go down
Lingerie, cute underwear, thongs, jock straps, bodysuits lingerie come now for both men and women (edible underwear)
I love a ROBE in a heartbeat. Get a few in different colors, fabrics, and/or lengths
Atmosphere:
Set the mood with a aroma this includes the scent you put on you
I get my oils from the hood males… now you can get them from the beauty supply stores, but I try to buy black and I’ll drive the longer way to pick it up
Burn candles, incense, diffusers, sent that you pumpkin, lavender, vanilla, cinnamon, peppermint, and ginger aphrodisiacs
Playing music or subtle sounds
Hot Wax, lubricant, body oils
Foreplay:
Best part of the entire situation
Slow kissing
Find the pressure points on the body
(I get really submissive with a desire to please) Head, Stomach, Feet, Ears, Back
Role Playing
Make the bedroom a judgement free zone
Set limits in advance
Pick from a list of relationships
Send Sexy Messages
It builds anticipation for what's to come
Tell him what you want to do to him
Send him some thirst traps so he knows what he’ll get tonight

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3 Ways To Love On Yourself

1. Body Maintenance

Facials, Try New Products, (My think jojoba oil and a steamer)
Eyebrows, Not Nairing, Hair Removal, I’m a hairy bitch right now
Workout and do your cardio, bitch
Knowing what hair products are good for you have hair
Giving yourself daily treatments that pour back into you. Where you don’t have to share
My space has always been the bathroom and shower
Literally feeling the water hit my body with no interruptions

2. Nutrition

Drink your water friend
Cook at home
Try new meals and/smoothies
Take those vitamins / prescriptions
Use sugar alternatives (agave, honey, ect)

3. Masturbation/Self Pleasure

Set The Mood
- Turn down the lights
- Turn on Your favorite video
- Slowly Tease Yourself
- Pull up your favorite site on incognito
- Light scented candles too. Nice smelling aromas could help with your imagination for whoever you’re thinking about.
Switch Positions
Try standing up or laying down. You could also lean against a wall. Or use your other hand. You can utilize different strokes on yourself.
Toys
Toys could open up a whole new world. There are anala beads, fleshlights, pocket strokers, and prostate stimulators too. “Nipples. The clitoris of the torso.” (@karen_hobbs)
Using vibrators or dildos could give more pleasure than just using your hands.

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   IAMSEBASTIENOCTOBER 20, 2020

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You can multi-date and seriously date at the same time. I recommend keeping it between 1 to 2 guys. You don’t want to keep giving yourself away in pieces.

Seriously Dating

Dating with expectations of (eventually being exclusive & something long term)
Seeing and living the potential of where things can go
Are their words and actions aligning or not?
When he says he wants to see you does he really try?

What Seriously Looks Like

He communicates
He does what he says
You’re sharing experiences
Meeting friends/family
Seeing their place
Open and honest communication
Honoring each other’s love languages
A serious relationship will challenge you/ push you to grow depending on the kind of partner you have and want

Conversations To Have:

Ask each other what a relationship looks like to you
What are your long-term goals?
What are some of your interests and hobbies?
What are some fun activities you like?
Don’t worry about being nice, be honest
Finances can be discussed
Where do you see yourself in 5 to 10 years?
What are some values you align yourself with?
What are your triggers?
How do you handle conflict?

Don’ts

What’s your credit score?
What’s your body count?
Are you paying?
Don’t ask about the ex
Where did things go wrong…

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Dating casually is literally all about having fun, learning your wants, and needs.

We’re grown and know our worth
We’ve been through a long-term relationship and now spreading our wings
You know what you bring to the table and more importantly, you have confidence
Multi-date and it's important to communicate that if you want to
Only share multi-dating if he or she asks then go ahead and share it
You’re single and mingling
Communicate if you’re sleeping with anyone
Be responsible and get all the things you need
Be cautious (not everyone needs to know where you live)
You don’t have to go out with everyone

Cons

People think you’re sleeping around
You can burn out quickly and need to tap out
Boredom can strike because it can get redundant
Can’t ask same questions like you’re in a relationship because you're just casually dating.

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Have at least have 3 places in mind to consider

Your favorite restaurant you can expose him/her to
A team-building activity like cooking, baking/desserts, obstacle course, make wine, or wine tasting, coffee shop, taste testing
A place or activity you’ve never done so it’s new for the two of you

Casual Date Attire

Examples: Bike Riding, Stroll in the park, Ice Cream, Apple Picking, Cooking Class,

Stick to classics that can either be worn alone or layered
Whites, blacks, gray, olive green, neutrals, browns, nudes, creams
Standout colors like reds and mustard yellows
Full denim is your best friend to ever dress up or dress down
Plain T-shirt (or bodysuits) and jeans
I like a cute jogger set but not for a date especially for a first date

Virtual

Make sure your background is cute, clean, and aesthetically pleasing
Don't blur the background it looks somewhat suspicious. Find something neutral that you are comfortable with anyone seeing.
Communicate and specify beforehand about the meals you’ll be having. Are you cooking the same meal, having drinks, or ordering Uber Eats.

Dressy / Upscale / Luxury

Black Sheer Tops
Aminal print and black (snake, crocs, cheetah, or fur)
Cute loafers or heels

Accessories

Love a classic watch
If you wear rings keep them off the ring finger
I’d keep the rings between 1 to 3. No more than 3
Bracelets and necklaces are cute
Hats and or scarves (casual)
Earrings (hoops are always cute)

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1.) Get to know yourself first before getting into dating other people.

Learn your personal love languages and practice it on yourself first
Me: Quality Time & Physical Touch ranging from pampering myself to self-pleasure
This is your introduction to discovering your likes and dislikes

2.) Nowadays most of us are starting conversations digitally.

Read the room for what it is and have CONFIDENCE with who you are
You’re not for everyone and everyone is not for you (That’s ok)
Take the pressure off the table this first conversation with them isn’t make a break for the rest of your life. Remember you are worthy and have qualities that someone wants and desires. You are enough.
Important factor this is where you communicate your intentions and expectations

2a.) Don’t be afraid to initiate the conversation

Pull conversation points from their profile (Where they’re from, heritage, career, or musical taste)
Be original don’t start with the same ole (what’s up, how are you, how’s your day, hey beautiful, hey queen) Cringy and not original
READ THE ROOM if they are giving one-word answers, not answering messages, or literally doing the bare minimum DROP THAT ASS. Silence says a lot
This is where you’re feeling out the vibe and engagement

Signs He’s Not Interest:

After a few days, you don’t from him anymore
He doesn’t follow up with his word
He only replies when you hit him up, but he doesn’t hit you up
Doesn’t ask for your number
Doesn’t ask for the date
His intentions may just be to chat and not date
Communicate that what you want

2b.) In-Person / Virtual Date

Be yourself (if you struggle with knowing who you are you will have trouble here, again date yourself first)
In-person date should be set within the first 7 to 10 days of speaking (this is generous)
If you ask for the date it should be something like an activity or place your either been to already where you can teach or an opportunity to experience something new together
This is an easy conversation to spark
Activities help with the team building together and have to work together to see what that looks like / Gets them out the element
Restaurant you both haven’t will make it a memory
Start with a greeting (wave, hug, handshake, fist bump because of covid)

3.) Awkward Silence

Moments of silence are not a bad thing
Embrace it
Fill it in with a smile and ask the question “What are you thinking? / What’s on your mind?”
This does put them on the spot, but also his response is telling. Will he say something sweet or “nothing at all”
This is literally a tea up fro him to flirt with you
If he can’t pick it up or say something deep… “I’m sleep”

4.) Acceptable Questions For The First Date

Was the place easy for you to find? (based on his reply offer something up for yourself and directions) | Even if this is virtual its a cute and funny question
Where would you like to travel after the pandemic
How would your best friend describe you?
What does your living situation look like?
What’s your favorite room in the house and why?
Do you like what you do for a living? / What do you do?
Who were you in high school?
Where do you see yourself living long term?
Name some songs on your favorite playlist / What was the last song you played
Are you currently casually dating or seriously dating?
What are your expectations when dating someone new?
What does a relationship look like to you?
(Your vetting to understand their lifestyle and compatibility and the flirting helps with chemistry)
Jokes and Smiles help with flirting / Feel free to call it out a poke a little fun
It’s supposed to be fun

Honorable Mentions

Don’t tell too much about yourself this is just the interlude to you and him
If you have children share that
If you plan on moving out of state share that
Make eye contact and if you struggle do the 3-second stare and look away, but then look back
Show off your beautiful smile
Don’t be too self-deprecating, yes laughing at yourself is good but back it up with confidence
Honesty goes a long way and people appreciate that

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Compatibility: Interpersonal compatibility or interpersonal matching is the long-term interaction between two or more individuals in terms of the ease and comfort of communication. Chemistry: is an effortless attraction between two people that can feel magnetic and addictive Chemistry can be defined as a complex emotional or psychological interaction between two people. It can cause a couple to feel passionate and attracted to one another. On the other hand, compatibility can be described as having an authentic connection with a partner who you admire. Have I been dating wrong this whole time? Still on no apps currently... Compatible 1.) Lifestyle: Do you workout, healthy eating, sex, mental connection/self-care... this where build intimacy 2.) Interest: Art/Museums, Musical Taste, Theater, Amusement Parks, Traveling 3.) Goals: Long term aspirations and visions. Thoughts on Family. Values & Morals This doesn't mean upbringing has to be the same. Questions To Ask: 1.) What are you career and personal goals 2.) Where do you want to live in the future 3.) Thoughts on marriage and children 4.) Are they a morning person or night owl Chemistry (Crazy Cop) | (Initial connections) 1.) Physicality: The way they look. 1. Ex: Defines Jawline, hands, height, and

2.) Sexual 1. Kisses, the stroke, the touch, and everything else in between

3.) Emotional: Saying all the right things / everything you want to hear 1. Confusion, confusion, confusion 2. Run while you can

The three major chemical players at work. They are dopamine, oxytocin (oxitosin), and vasopressin. Dopamine: a compound present in the body as a neurotransmitter and a precursor of other substances including epinephrine/adrenaline. Oxytocin: a hormone released by the pituitary gland that causes increased contraction of the uterus during labor and stimulates the ejection of milk into the ducts of the breasts. Vazopressin: a pituitary hormone which acts to promote the retention of water by the kidneys and increase blood pressure. Your heart rate increases when you see someone you like because they're releasing pheromones. Pheromones: a chemical substance produced and released into the environment by an animal, especially a mammal or an insect, affecting the behavior or physiology of others of its species. You crave interacting with that person since they trigger the dopamine response in your brain. It's essential to have that primal connection with your love interest. That's what sparks the intense chemistry between you and the one you're crushing on. physical, romantic, and intellectual connection. Chemistry can be built in time... Shows like "Married at First Sight" or "Love Is Blind" Learning about compromising... the packaging may not look ideal, but could it be worth it? ANNOUNCEMENTS Budget Like Me!

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Hey Besties! What do you pack in your overnight bag when staying with your boo? Sebastien gets into all the essentials needed for a great night. Make sure you get your note pad and catch the tea!

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Candace Blair is the wellness curator and writer at Live Civil who also assists with social strategy. She’s a black woman who is not afraid to go against the grain or demand her seat at the table. She prides herself in her ability to “learn to unlearn” and fervently seeks to conquer the challenge of breaking generational chains. She believes in indulging in self-care and letting go of anything that disturbs your peace. Her experience in various relational settings over the last decade has given her the ability to understand that looking yourself in the mirror is where true wellness starts. She is very candid as well as authentic on her social platforms as she uses her experiences in life to help others. Candace is an avid traveler and enjoys adrenaline-infused adventures. She’s also a philanthropist and believes her purpose in this life is to help others in need.

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Hi Besties! In this episode, Sebastien taps into recovering from failure. He gives us tips on how to get up and keep moving forward with your journey.

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How To Forgive

Pain comes in many forms.

You can forgive and still be hurt.

Forgive from afar. You’re capable of forgiving and still not have that person near.

1.) Switch The Focus from Blaming Others to Understanding Yourself

Step outside the situation
Don't take full responsibility either
Process what about the situation is upsetting you?

2.) Learn, Let Go & Be Like Water

It's bigger than what it looks like
Flow-through the situation
Be open to listening
Be slow to anger
Great response: "I never considered it that way before."

2A.) Let Go of Resentment

Resentment wears more on you
Letting go is the best form of freedom you can give to yourself
Finding compassion

Letting Go of The Story

Where I am today with my brother:

We don’t speak
No desire to repair
I’ve felt the weight and resentment (this is the challenge)
There’s a little coldness and rage from within
I think of all the things he was supposed to be and fell short.

Pros

He taught me to learn for myself
I grew stronger quicker
Think for myself
Be more independent
Thicker skin
Learned how to defended myself with my mouth

3.) Take Responsibility for Your Part

It's easy to point to finger at others, but there's always room to take responsibility
See where you fit into the equation

4.) Be Kind Instead of Right

"If you're going to pursue revenge, you'd better dig two graves." - Chinese Proverb
"The ax forgets, but the tree remembers" - African Proverb
No one is wrong or right, it unfolds to "what do you want out of the situation?"

He was right in feeling what he wanted out of a brother and so was I.

What I’m learning is that we both felt robbed of the experiences.

Maybe people thought he was gay by proximity or saw him as lesser of a man. Plus with black men being placed on a higher pedestal of masculinity that would make sense.

5.) Stop Looking for Occasions to Be Offended or Vent

Stop harping on moments to share the same story
That's relishing in the situation
Mariah Carey references to her family as her ex-sister, ex-brother, ex-mother, due to "Treating her as an ATM Machine with a wig on"

6.) Send Love

Forgiveness is for you
Give grace to you and the situation
The act of forgiving allows us to move forward without carrying the burden of unresolved issues.

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YouTube Links

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1h_FtyaMIVc&t=1s

YouTube 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ussAoMPHejw&t=3s

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Hey Besties! In this episode, Sebastien updates us on his life and what has been going in. Get into this tea!

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Hey Besties! On this episode, Sebastien dives into the 3 must does while having sex. To find out the must does make sure you get into this episode for the deets!

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Hey Besties! On this episode, Sebastien gets into the positives and negatives of dating apps. Dating apps has become so common for this generation and when dating in person it becomes a struggle because many people lack social skills. Whether you are into dating apps or not get into this episode and see where you stand.

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Hey Besties! On this episode, Sebastien reflects back to his younger self then compared to now and dives more into the 4 quadrants of life. Health & Wellness, Relationships, Career and Spirituality are the 4 quadrants of life. Get into this episode if you want to take those next steps of getting your life together.

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Amber Gardenhire is a 31-year-old certified personal trainer and Zumba instructor born and raised in Atlanta, Georgia. Amber began taking dance classes at the age of 9 and is fluent in all forms of dance including classical ballet, modern, hip hop, and tap. Amber began her fitness career as a Certified Zumba instructor. Shortly after her Zumba classes gained popularity she began personal training and Steele Fit was born.

Amber has been blessed to partner with huge brands like Whole Foods Market, Jezebel Magazine, Reebok, and Taliah Waajid Natural Hair. She has obtained corporate training contracts Colliers International, Automated logic, and Bibliotheca. Amber has taught boot camps and Zumba classes at conferences and expos for thousands of people.

Amber’s charity work has always been at the forefront of her career. She teaches classes every year to raise money for low-income families in her community and annual breast cancer awareness classes. She never misses an opportunity to educate kids about the importance of health and fitness.

Through all her success Amber continues to strive to be the best coach and trainer for her clients while providing inspiration worldwide through her online presence.

Join Amber and me on my Fitness Journey Part 2. Below you’ll find a link for everything you need to know about her exclusive plan for #NoWaistNovember.

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Imposter Syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. 'Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.

Identifying * You feel like you got lucky (but you’re prepared) * You deflect from praise * You hold yourself to incredibly high standards * You find fear of failure almost paralyzing * You're convinced you're not good enough * Struggle with identifying your worth

In other words, this all reveals insecurities. My Early Twenties (Career) 1. Everything I thought of myself was challenged 2. I placed my worth in my career but didn’t have one 3. Struggled in all aspects 4. I was a perfectionist and was looking for validation and overcompensated for the approvals of others anywhere I could

Relationships 1. I couldn’t fully see my worth 2. Insecurities are dangerous and can bring the ugly side of you out

Debunking (Pull the receipts on yourself)

You're in the room for a reason
Your name was in the room before you even step foot in there
You've worked for this moment in front of you
Not knowing something is normal and ok
Give yourself the opportunity to learn

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This may sound crazy, but dating yourself can be a good thing. Years ago I made a list of ideas and places I eventually wanted to do on future dates. After my dating prospects dried up I just started taking myself places solo dolo and loved it.

At first, I felt a little awkward but eventually became second nature. So this week I’m sharing all you need to know about dating yourself.

1.) Find Your Confidence * Say affirmations to yourself in the mirror ( Ex: I am beautiful. I am growing. I am enough) * Make the decision * Do it afraid even if you are * Practice makes perfect

2.) Make a List (Places & Things) * Write down all the things you've wanted to do that you've placed on the back burner * Go to that restaurant alone * Go to that art gallery * Take the cooking class * Go apple picking * Take that trip you always wanted to take alone

3.) More Approachable * Friends can be blockers * Easier to flirt and meet someone when you’re alone

4.) Treat Yourself * Teach people how you treat you * This is how you set the standard * Send yourself flowers/cards/chocolate * Draw yourself a bath * A good man will take note and then try to do those things for you or with you * He pays attention * Is it high maintenance if you're the one doing the maintaining?

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Define a situationship: Less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call, a situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is and remains, undefined. "A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship."

1.) Declare Expectation

If you want a relationship say it
Don't leave it up to another person to define what it is
Don't assume (if you didn't say, it didn't happen)
Be specific
Don't settle for what is given
You're still in charge (I was the type to pour into someone)
Red flags (He's says looking for something serious, watch his actions say otherwise)

2.) Boundaries

Give yourself a personal deadline if after 6 months it goes nowhere. You got an answer. You are single.
Is sex on the table or not. This is your choice.
Sex does come with emotions depending on who you where you are in life. (You can change your mind at any time)
(Case of the EX) This is an easy space to fall into old patterns because things are familiar

3.) How To Follow Through

Limit the access to you (includes texting back right away)
Don't put your eggs all in one basket
Back what up what you say

At the end of the day, you're still single until something is established. When a man wants you, you'll know because he makes it absolutely clear.

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Last week, I shared my official 2 Week Notice and leaping into the direction of my dreams and aspirations. The fact that things are unfolding in such an organic way I can’t fully explain it.

However, this episode I’m sharing my truths and tips to how I learned to get through it all ranging from my first introduction to now my departure. For one, I’m very grateful for the experiences because there have been plenty of times where I needed a job.

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These last few weeks have literally been life-changing, to say the least. I’m still in shock to say that I’ve given my 2 weeks into corporate America and giving myself another chance at entrepreneurship. My first stint back in 2016 was eye-opening and humbling.

This time around things have been going so well that I know deep down inside it's undeniable. I can really do this. Although, things are not unfolding how I initially imagined, but I’m embracing it. Yes, it’s a little scary and exciting but at the same time, I feel peace.

This episode of Single Living I’m sharing my soul and letting you into my deep thoughts from current success and what’s next.

Take a listen & let me know what you think!

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Raven Elyse is a Texas-born YouTube personality and mom to her four-year-old daughter, Ziya (@ziya.papaya).

With over 1.6 million subscribers on YouTube, Raven shares her experience with trying new and exciting things as a single mom. Raven posts family vlogs with her daughter, Ziya, DIYs, home decor tips, personal care videos, try-on's, and more. Besides Youtube, you can find Raven on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok.

Raven has partnered with top brands like Target, Vaseline, Marshalls, Hyundai, Dyson, HelloFresh, Carol’s Daughter, Clinique, and Mattel.

Grow Your YouTube Channel

Register for the FREE YouTube Growth Workshop here: https://event.webinarjam.com/register/1/819q8tn

Find out more about Momager "Chef Toni"

Website: https://www.tonitannerscott.com

YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/violetgrl

Instagram Account: https://www.instagram.com/tonitannerscott/

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This is Melissa Aubourg. She was born and raised in New Jersey but has currently been living in the DMV area for 10+ years now. She is a single mother to twin boys, who are 3 years old. Melissa takes pride in being a learning enrichment advocate and an elementary school educator. She has been teaching in the classroom for 8 years. She is passionate about early learning and ensuring that all children have an environment where they can practice SEL(social-emotional learning skills), as well as help each child develop a sense of creativity, confidence, and a growth mindset. She is the owner and creator of SheisMelissaa.com. She recently started this blog, because she wanted to share her journey of self-love, healing, and evolving, in all areas of her life, especially in the areas of motherhood, lifestyle, and beauty. Whether it’s the latest mommy trends, parenting/co-parenting tips, mindfulness practices, or self-care must-haves, she truly believes that sharing resources and experiences within a community creates an environment for one to evolve. Melissa believes everyone has a story to tell and her journey of rediscovering her inner self began when she started to share her story. Announcements

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This is Melissa Aubourg. She was born and raised in New Jersey but has currently been living in the DMV area for 10+ years now.  She is a single mother to twin boys, who are 3 years old. Melissa takes pride in being a learning enrichment advocate and an elementary school educator. She has been teaching in the classroom for 8 years. She is passionate about early learning and ensuring that all children have an environment where they can practice SEL(social-emotional learning skills), as well as help each child develop a sense of creativity, confidence, and a growth mindset.  She is the owner and creator of SheisMelissaa.com. She recently started this blog, because she wanted to share her journey of self-love, healing, and evolving, in all areas of her life, especially in the areas of motherhood, lifestyle, and beauty.  Whether it’s the latest mommy trends, parenting/co-parenting tips, mindfulness practices, or self-care must-haves, she truly believes that sharing resources and experiences within a community creates an environment for one to evolve.  Melissa believes everyone has a story to tell and her journey of rediscovering her inner self began when she started to share her story.  **Announcements**

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Shirley Dorsainvil is a conscious public speaker, award-winning online creative, and the voice of Black and Caribbean millennials navigating self-care routines on popular social spheres.

The pre-licensed marriage and family therapist began her influential career in 2017 when she discovered the Premier Network of Haitian Creatives by tweeting the hashtag #HaitiansWhoBlog into existence. Now with an influence of over 22K followers and reaching 300k individuals on popular social spheres, Shirley opened the door for distinct conversations on mental health.

Her life’s goal is to “Amplify the voice of millennials with greater impact via philanthropy, online and in-person engagement, and mental health advocacy”.

She is a sought-after expert in self-care for entrepreneurs, healthy millennial relationships, marriages, and the inside scoop to branding and marketing in today’s noisy social climate.

With features in iHeart Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, UCF Today, L’Union Suite, Haiti Open Magazine, and more. The self-proclaimed “Renaissance Woman”, continues to make impacts nationally and internationally.

Shirley holds a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy from the illustrious University of Central Florida.

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Guest: Shirley Dor @ShirleyDor_

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Shamyra is an International award-winning Sexologist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and Sex and Relationship Therapist who exposes people to what they're missing from intimacy so they can have a great relationship and better sex!

She’s the founder of On The Green Couch, where she helps people manage sexual issues, create their best relationships, and have amazing sex. Shamyra is an Amazon best selling author and creatress of the Use Your Mouth Sex and Relationship Conversation Starter Cards, and the book, Use Your Mouth: Pocket-sized Conversations to Simply Increase 7 Types of Intimacy in and out of the Bedroom.

As a Sex and Relationship Therapist, she’s helped hundreds of people find the secret to no longer feeling like roommates, and having amazing sex. She's spoken about sex and relationships on stages across the world, has worked with several celebrities and influencers, and she’s featured in Cosmopolitan, The Huff-post, Shape, Well+Good, Kourtney Kardashian's Poosh, and many more.

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Guest: @sexologistshamyra

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Use Your Mouth: Pocket-sized Conversations to Simply Increase 7 Types of Intimacy in and out of the Bedroom.

OUR MOMENTS Couples: 100 Conversation Starters for Great Relationships - Fun Conversation Cards Game for Couples

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David Malebranche, MD, MPH, is an internal medicine physician, educator, author, and activist who lives in Atlanta, Georgia. He appears in the YouTube series “Revolutionary Health” as part of The Counter Narrative Project and also on the #AskTheHIVDoc video series.

He is currently an associate professor of medicine at Morehouse School of Medicine, and his writings and research have been published in JAMA, Annals of Internal Medicine, and Lancet, as well as many online journals and websites. Dr. Malebranche also penned a memoir entitled “Standing on His Shoulders,” about his relationship with his father, which is available on Amazon.

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Standing on His Shoulders: What I Learned about Race, Life, and High Expectations from My Haitian Superman Father

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Dr. Wendasha Jenkins Hall is an educator, speaker, and consultant who provides a fresh, shameless take on sex and relationships. Through her sexuality education brand, The Sensible Sexpert, Dr. Wendasha champions honest, judgment-free, and pleasure- based conversations about sexuality that unabashedly center modern Black women and femmes. Known for her down-to-earth and relatable delivery, she slays stereotypes and misinformation surrounding female sexuality and womanhood, all while holding space for women and femmes to unapologetically live their best sexual lives.

She presents engaging workshops that challenge participants to consider how the intersection of race, gender, and sexuality directly influences the sexual livelihoods of women and girls of color. Sprinkled with pop culture references and hard-hitting facts, Dr. Wendasha’s workshops encourage audiences to reimagine sexuality education as a culturally competent, inclusive, and pleasure-based practice that promotes sexual empowerment and liberation.

A Tallahassee, FL native, Dr. Wendasha earned a Bachelor’s in Journalism-Visual Communications from the University of Central Florida and holds a Master’s in Communication Management and a Ph.D. in Public Health Education from Morgan State University and the University of North Carolina Greensboro, respectively. She currently resides in Atlanta, GA with her husband and daughter.

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For part two we’re completing the second installment of our Friend or Foe Series. Below you’ll find the 5 Types of Friends broken down. (no particular order)

5 Types of Friends

The Mother Figure

The Straight Shooter

The Frienemy

The Needy Friend

The Best Friend

Last week we discussed 3 of the 5 types of friends starting with The Mother Figure, The Straight Shooter, and The Frienemy.

Quick Recap

The Mother Figure (Joan | Girlfriends)

The Most Nurturing Person Out of Your Friends

The Straight Shooter | (Lynn | Girlfriends)

Unapologetically Says What They Think w/ No Chaser or Cushion

The Frienemy (Molly | Insecure)

Low Key Jealous of You

This week we’re jumping into the last two, The Need Friend & The Best Friend.

Show Notes

The Needy Friend (Issa)

Makes Every Conversation About Themselves
Narcissist
Drains You of Energy
One-Sided Friendship
This Bitch Will Forget You B’day, Graduation, & Any Other Situation

The Best Friend / The Gay Best Friend (Gayle King)

Knows When You Need Tough Love
Non-Judgemental
Safe Space
Knows Your Deepest Secrets & Tells No One
Open w/ There Own Shit Too
Knows They You’re Not But Loves Sees You’re Light
Can Literally Say Anything & You Know Its From Love
Will Show Up & Show Out
Will Have Your Back Behind Your Back

Let’s keep in mind The Best Friend is not perfect but they are a good balance of what you need and want out of a friendship. The best part, the two of you will grow and learn with one another.

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Remember the clique you had back in high school “tight like glue”, right?

Well, look around. Are they still there?

This episode we’re diving into the dynamics of friendships even as adults. Yes, this is still a thing. Believe it or not, sometimes we’re caught in friend drama or even clocking who is really on your side or not.

Years ago I went through my fair issues with two childhood friends I had outgrown. I can be honest I didn’t technically handle it the best but of course, I’m sharing the lesson I learned to hopefully help you make a better decision.

For Part 1 we’re covering The Mother Figure, The Straight Shooter, and The Frienemy.

5 Types of Friends

The Mother Figure

The Straight Shooter

The Frienemy

The Needy Friend

The Best Friend

Show Notes

The Mother Figure (Joan | Girlfriends)

The Most Nurturing Person Out of Your Friends
Thinks About Your Feelings Before Sharing Thoughts
Will Hold Their Tongue Even When You Need To Hear The Truth

The Straight Shooter | (Lynn | Girlfriends)

Unapologetically Says What They Think w/ No Chaser or Cushion
A Little Judgmental & May Not Know It
Potential To Sexually Liberated

The Frienemy (Molly | Insecure)

Low Key Jealous of You
Shady Compliments (Compliment or A Diss?)
Roots For You & Then Follows Up w/ A Critique
Unsolicited Advice

Announcements

Budget Like Me!

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Let’s kee kee together in the Single Living Community. This is where we can dish a discuss any and everything amongst ourselves with no judgment, join here: https://bit.ly/SingleLivingFB

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I first hopped into online dating back in 2012 after taking the advice of a friend. At first, I was a little hesitant and thought to myself, “Should I really do this? Will I look desperate?”

Quick answer. Yes and no.

I made the profile and I didn’t look desperate. Thank God! One of the great things of being an epithetic gay man is knowing what attracts a man and yet shock him with charisma and depth.

I’m no dating guru, but I know a few things about bagging a guy here and there.

This episode, I’m diving deep into how you need to construct your dating profile to keep a guy engaged, interested, and of course, IMPRESSED. I’m filling you in on what kind of pictures to post, words to use, and how to flirt digitally.

Oh and lastly, I’m literally pulling up my personal Tinder profile and sharing my profile breakdown.

Topics of Discussion

What Pictures To Use

What To Write on Your Bio

Key Dont’s

Catfish Signs

Fun Bonus

Announcements

Budget Like Me!

FREE EBOOK https://bit.ly/MoneyMap2020

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

Super Easy!

Let’s kee kee together in the Single Living Community. This is where we can dish a discuss any and everything amongst ourselves with no judgment, join here: https://bit.ly/SingleLivingFB

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Moving in with a guy isn’t easy for anyone and believe me, I know. I spent about 4+ years living with my ex and before that, I’ve had roommates and shared everything with my siblings. Literally, I mean everything from hand me down clothes to food.

Low key I’m still upset about sharing my ice cream bars as a kid.

Nonetheless, it’s only right to share with you 5 key tips to consider before moving in with someone. Lord knows I wish I considered these tips prior to moving in.

Luckily, I’ve grown and learned so much more and have covered all in this episode of Single Living.

Take a listen here on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Stitcher

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Budget Like Me!

FREE EBOOK https://bit.ly/MoneyMap2020

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

Super Easy!

Let’s kee-kee together in the Single Living Community. This is where we can dish a discuss any and everything amongst ourselves with no judgment, join here: https://bit.ly/SingleLivingFB

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Host: @iamSebastien

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One year ago I took the leap of faith and put my name down on my very own 1-bedroom apartment. When I tell you I was absolutely scared out of my mind. How was I gonna do this? Yes, I ‘m employed, but what if…

I remember thinking of what could go wrong living alone and yet I still did it. Now a year later I’ve paid everything in full and saved more money than I did in my last situation. While living alone I’ve been able to grow in so many ways that have surprised even me.

This episode is a list of Pros and Cons of what it takes to live alone and how to thrive in it along the way!

Take a listen here on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Stitcher

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Budget Like Me!

FREE EBOOK https://bit.ly/MoneyMap2020

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

Super Easy!

Let’s kee-kee together in the Single Living Community. This is where we can dish a discuss any and everything amongst ourselves with no judgment, join here: https://bit.ly/SingleLivingFB

DROP ME A LINE

Jump in my DMs and “DROP ME A LINE” a quick audio question/drop here @iamSebastien

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Show: @SingleLiving.Co

Host: @iamSebastien

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I’m officially 31! How? Where did the time go?

Here I am officially in my 30’s with no man, no kids, no 3 bedroom home with a white picket fence, and yet I’m happy. At this point, I’m no longer checking any more boxes. I’ve made the decision to simply create the life I want.

There was a time I thought everything had to happen “this way.” Once it didn’t I felt kinda bamboozled by everything I was taught. Little did I know it was life was testing me and giving me all the nuggets I needed.

With that said, I’m giving you 7 Ways To Embrace Your 30s. Get ready to listen up and take notes. I know you’ll thank me later.

Take a listen here on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Stitcher

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Budget Like Me!

FREE EBOOK https://bit.ly/MoneyMap2020

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

Super Easy!

Let’s kee-kee together in the Single Living Community. This is where we can dish a discuss any and everything amongst ourselves with no judgment, join here: https://bit.ly/SingleLivingFB

DROP ME A LINE

Jump in my DMs and “DROP ME A LINE” a quick audio question/drop here @iamSebastien

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Host: @iamSebastien

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Budget. Budget. Budget.

FREE "Money Map" EBOOK Click Here

This is absolutely one of my favorite topics. I jokingly say, “A dollar will make me holla.”

Hhhhheeeeeeyyyyy!

In all seriousness, my relationship with money has been up and down for years until I was laid off back in 2016. Through my 20s I made nearly every income you can imagine. I’ve been a server, worked in retail, and eventually went into corporate. Simply put I know what it means to struggle and be comfortable.

The moment I learned how to manage the money I was making my entire life completely changed. I got super diligent with checking my expenses and where money was going. Before I knew it I was saving more and even making more.

In this episode, I’m filling you in with all you need to know how to budget while living single!

Take a listen here on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Stitcher

Announcements

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

Super Easy!

Let’s kee-kee together in the Single Living Community. This is where we can dish a discuss any and everything amongst ourselves with no judgment, join here: https://bit.ly/SingleLivingFB

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Jump in my DMs and “DROP ME A LINE” a quick audio question/drop here @iamSebastien

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We can all agree that the last few weeks have been life-changing for all of us. Let’s take a quick moment and exhale. Lord knows I’ve needed it a few times.

In this episode, I’m veering away from the scheduled programming to share something that’s a little more necessary for us to discuss. Now for those of you who are familiar with my content you already know I love blackness.

I’m also sharing some helpful tips to help you get through this quarantine and potential trauma you may have endured. Let’s get into it!

Take a listen here on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Stitcher

Announcements

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

Super Easy!

Let’s kee-kee together in the Single Living Community. This is where we can dish a discuss any and everything amongst ourselves with no judgment, join here: https://bit.ly/SingleLivingFB

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We’re finally diving into a full-length show formatted with segments!

See in my 20’s I thought life was supposed to play out on my terms because I followed all the rules and checked all the boxes, like simple math, right? After all, we all know 1 + 1 = 2.

Well not always.

After graduating from college I thought everything was supposed to unfold in my favor. You know how the story goes. Find “the dream” job. Bump into Mr. Forever at the grocery store. Get married on a tropical island. Win an Emmy. Adopt a kid or two. Retire early and live our best first-class lives traveling the globe.

You know the normal stuff… right?

Well, let me be the one to tell you I’m 30 now and none of that has happened (just yet). Shhh… secretly I’m still holding onto it somewhere deep down inside.

Where a lot of my friends and I can relate is that 30 hits differently. There’s this sense of clarity and light. Although the long term relationship didn’t last and maybe the dream laid you off, but we’ve survived.

Luckily, at 30 you can skim passed the dating BS a lot easier. At this point, we're starting to see things repeat. In this episode, I’m doing a complete deep dive from dating in your 20s vs you 30s.

Enjoy!

Take a listen here on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Stitcher

Announcements

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

Super Easy!

Let’s kee-kee together in the Single Living Community. This is where we can dish and discuss any and everything amongst ourselves with no judgment, join here: https://bit.ly/SingleLivingFB

DROP ME A LINE

Jump in my DMs and “DROP ME A LINE” a quick audio question/drop here @iamSebastien

Find Me On Social

Show: @SingleLiving.Co

Host: @iamSebastien

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Wow! We're Here!

Welcome to the first installment of Single Living. For this first episode it's only right to give you a little more of who I am as your weekly host Sebastien. A year ago I decided to pump the breaks on where my life was heading in career and my love life. This led me to break off a 6-year relationship and leaping into the world of singledom.

Brace yourself this is coming at you with all honesty and truth!

Week to week we'll be discussing topics ranging from sexuality, dating, finances, and personal development.

With that said let's get the..."Bottom of Our Baggage & Top of Our Sh!t."

-As Always Love

Podcast Social Media

IG: @singleliving.co

#SingleLivingPod #SingleLivingco

Personal Social

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#iamSebastien #AsAlwaysLove

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