Reframed: The Power of Perspective: Recent Episodes
LifeAudio
Each of us has a unique outlook that shapes our view of God, ourselves, and the world. A perspective is simply a specific viewpoint. Much like a camera, a perspective is built upon a unique frame, focus, and filter. The most powerful aspect of one’s perspective is that it directly orients their thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors.
The Reframed Podcast with Carley Marcouillier integrates current counseling concepts with Biblical theology. Each episode will explore popular topics influencing our perspectives, provide practical techniques for identifying and reframing negative thinking patterns, and offer step-by-step pathways for emotional and spiritual health and healing. With an integrative biblical framework, we will explore the power of our current perspectives, expose distortions we have come to believe, and renew our minds with the Word of God.
Welcome to a new season of Therapy and Theology, where we explore relevant topics related to faith, feelings, and spiritual formation. This season we are diving into exploring the term embodiment and its importance in our lives emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.
Today’s episode seeks to provide a definition for the exploration of Embodiment as the interactive perspective of personhood that seeks to reclaim the body as a central aspect of humanity. In this introduction to the season, we ask some initial questions:
Why does it Matter?
What makes it difficult?
What are we to do?
My prayer for this season is that we would seek to attune to our bodies and remind our bodies that healthy attachments with others and God are built on authenticity and communication. I hope this episode invites you to join me on this journey of what it means to connect to our bodies and learn from it again.
Sources:
The Wisdom of Your Body - Hilary McBride
The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van der Kolk
Mind Sight - Daniel Seigel
Strong Like Water - Aundi Kolber
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
Are you worn out? Burned out? Feeling exhausted or bone-weary? If so, Jesus invites you to come to him, and he will help you find life again. He will help you find the rest you need.
Let us introduce you to another podcast on LifeAudio, So Much More: Creating Space for God, hosted by Jodie Niznik!
So Much More helps you create space to be with God through his Word, prayer, and meaningful conversation.
CONTINUE LISTENING TO SO MUCH MORE:
Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/3DjDagr
Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3HcTTmD
LifeAudio: https://www.lifeaudio.com/so-much-more-creating-space-for-god-lectio-divina-and-scripture-meditation
DISCOVER MORE EPISODES OF SO MUCH MORE:
How to Transform Chaos to Calm: https://apple.co/45378Ri
Finding Peace Amidst Life’s Storms (Meditation on Luke 6:46-49): https://apple.co/3WGuSWM
3 Ways to Stay Standing in Life's Storms: https://apple.co/3JkoJfG
God’s Invitation to Rest (Meditation on Isaiah 30:15-16): https://apple.co/3JoeC9J
What Kind of Rest Do You Really Need?: https://apple.co/3XNSWbt
CONNECT WITH HOST JODIE NIZNIK: http://www.jodieniznik.com
Carley will be back soon with a brand new episode. Thanks for listening.
Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
LifeAudio podcaster Catherine Segars and her special guest, Peyton Garland, dive deep into the topics of OCD, anxiety, and depression to offer unique insights, education, and encouragement to weary parents. NOTE: This is an episode preview from Christian Parent, Crazy World, another podcast on the LifeAudio Podcast Network. Carley will be back with Therapy + Theology soon!
SUBSCRIBE TO CHRISTIAN PARENT, CRAZY WORLD:
Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/3DbS9bL
Spotify: https://sptfy.com/Okeu
DISCOVER MORE EPISODES OF CHRISTIAN PARENT, CRAZY WORLD:
How To Teach the Next Generation To Pray: https://apple.co/3rqKMKY / https://sptfy.com/Okew
5 Things Every Parent Needs to Know About Gen Z: https://apple.co/3NOLuJf / https://sptfy.com/Okez
What Can We Learn from a Survivor of Teen Suicide? (with Emma Benoit): https://apple.co/3rspaOo / https://sptfy.com/OkeC
How to Discover Your Purpose in Life: https://apple.co/3OjBFEZ / https://sptfy.com/OkeE
ARTICLES REFERENCED:
“To the Mama with a Mental Health Disorder” by Peyton Garland
“A Few Not So Stereotypical Thoughts on OCD” by Peyton Garland
“What I Wish People Knew about Mental Illness” by Catherine Segars
“What I Wish People with Mental Illness Knew” by Catherine Segars
Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us
In the final episode of the season and series on deconstructing distortions, we will take a look at 4 common Christian sayings and how they may be doing more harm than good. Often based on scriptural principles and well-meaning intentions, comments of encouragement or moral evaluations seem to create a feeling of invalidation and shame to those receiving them.
To help us navigate the delivery and maintain our intention, this episode seeks to re-establish gospel conversations with an understanding of grace, self-reflection, and empathy. We will deconstruct statements like: “Love the sinner, hate the sin” and God will work things for your good” by looking back to scripture and discussing the many simple ways we can better communicate the truth of God’s Word in love. Let’s move from simple cliches to gospel conversations.
Resources:
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero
Live No Lies by John Mark Commer
Letters to the Church by Francis Chan
Unquestioned Answers by Dr Jeff Myers
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
This week, the podcast is all about Jesus and women. I am joined by my friend and fellow advocate for women’s rights and all things freedom, Lauren Mcquillan. Together we explore the many distortions and misconceptions surrounding women. From social roles to modesty rules, there are many messages that have negatively impacted the way women have come to perceive themselves, their bodies, and their position in the world. Questions like: are Cultural Roles biblical? Is Modesty really about my clothing? What does it mean to be a Christian woman? We combat the stereotypes and stigmas by going back to scripture and defining the biblical invitation to women (and men). Here are some of the points we will conclude with as a way to reconstruct a clearer view of women.
1 Jesus is a supporter of women
2 Jesus preached equality of value & uniqueness of personhood
3 God cares more about our hearts than our hemlines
Resources:
Freedom 4/24 https://www.freedom424.org
@CQcollectivehttps://instagram.com/thecqcollective?igshid=MmJiY2I4NDBkZg==
Jesus Through the Eyes of Women by Rebecca McLaughlin
Tell Her Story: How Women Led, Taught, and Ministered in the Early Church
The Emotionally Healthy Woman by Geri Scazzero
The Bible vs. Biblical Womanhood: How God's Word Consistently Affirms Gender Equality
The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Do you wake up anxious first thing in the morning? Does your mind race with thoughts of what you need to get done today and what you failed to do yesterday? If this is a pattern for you, we challenge you to break the morning cycle of worry with prayer!
In this episode preview from Teach Us to Pray, host Christina Patterson shares what to pray in the morning for a worry-free day.
Discover More Episodes of Teach Us to Pray with Christina Patterson:
3 Signs God Is Trying to Get Your Attention: https://bit.ly/42MSUTf / https://spoti.fi/42uBdYS
How to Turn Your Worries into Prayers: https://apple.co/3I4FPgd / https://spoti.fi/3VTyWUO
How to Pray When You Sense God Moving You In a New Direction: https://apple.co/42tOrVJ / https://spoti.fi/3BoBwIJ
Why Prayer Is So Hard: https://apple.co/3pz8jZ9 / https://spoti.fi/3LUNSx9
Follow the Teach Us to Pray Podcast:
Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/3NBnXgt
Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3NXSghL
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In today’s episode, I am joined by my friend Beth Fox, who shares her experience of living as a disabled woman with a terminal, chronic illness. Beth’s story is one of tragedy and victory, grief and glory that continues to be shared in my community. Together we discuss the difficulties of being born blind and with several undiagnosed conditions.
Beth shared the many distortions that arose in her journey such as: “Disability is a punishment for or outward manifestation of sin in a person’s life” and “If you pray hard enough or have enough faith God will give you physical healing”. She also discussed the assumption that “Everyone who is disabled wants physical healing in this lifetime.”
We explore the ways God’s truth has deconstructed the lies that limited her spiritual vision, and outline the truths of scripture Beth has learned to cling to for grace, joy, and perspective. Beth shares the testimony of how God did not heal her and the importance of leaning into the brokenness we carry as an opportunity to be part of God’s redemptive story.
Additionally, we discuss the importance of accessibility and simple ways the Church can support and serve those with disabilities and chronic illnesses.
3 Key Takeaways from Our Conversation on Disability, Chronic Illness and Faith:
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Acknowledge and validate the emotions of those with disabilities and terminal illnesses. It's important to listen to their experiences and not dismiss their feelings.
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Embrace the theology of suffering and understand that even in difficult circumstances, God has a plan and purpose for our lives. Trusting in Him can bring peace and comfort.
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Practice church inclusion by being mindful and aware of the needs of those with disabilities and terminal illnesses. This can include physical accommodations and creating a welcoming environment.
Resources:
A Place of Healing by Joni Erkison Tada
Suffer Strong by Katherinie Wolf, Jay Wolf, and Louie Giglio
Find out more about Beth's work: https://www.rehumanizeintl.org
My Body is Not a Prayer Request by Amy Kenny
Disability and the Gospel by Micheal Beates and Joni Erckison Tada.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In this week’s episode, I am joined by my friend and author Suze Fair to dive into the lies we have come to love and live by, maybe without even knowing it. Suze and I discuss some of the most common lies we tend to believe about our worth, identity, and value. Drawing on her own story and experiences, Suze outlines several distortions and their impact on our sense of self.
From working for our worth and striving for a sense of security, the challenges of finding our true selves often feels hopeless. Yet, together we process the powerful practices of reclaiming our identity as beloved children of God. We also discuss the necessity of hiding God’s word in our hearts and returning to the Word as our foundation for security and love.
Additionally, we discuss practice steps we have taken to begin to live in the freedom and rest that God has gifted us through Christ. In untangling the lies of our culture we can move from: striving to surrender, perfection to belovedness, confusion to confidence.
Reflection questions to begin your journey:
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What is getting my attention?
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What am I feeling?
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God, what are you saying to me?
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What do you want me to do with it?
Resources:
All the Lies of Loved Before by Suze Fair
https://www.suzefair.com
Long Obedience in the Same Direction Eugene Peterson
The Gift of Being Yourself By David Benner
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
This week’s episode exposes the roots of legalism that contribute to the many distortions of truth we have come to believe. First, we explore the type of legalism that is found in works-based salvation.
Three Roots of Legalism:
First, this type of belief system constructs a preoccupation in the Christian life with obeying rules and regulations. It assumes that God’s love and acceptance are based not on his love for us but on our ability to maintain his rules.
Secondly, we look at a deeper level of legalism that disconnects the law from the God who made the law. This variation is no longer seeking connection or relationship but often is focused on self-acceptance, following the letter of the law without the spirit of the law. In missing the heart of God for us, this root of legalism impacts the way we view ourselves and others. We discuss the shame and judgment that comes with following rules without a reason that is built upon a loving relationship.
Finally, we expose the deepest and most common form of legalism, which adds to God’s word with man-made regulations and rules. We also define the distortions that come from this form of legalism such as living within a sacred and secular divide.
Word of encouragement for those deconstructing and seeking to reconstruct their faith:
- Stay curious
- Lean into your community
- Be gentle with yourself
RESOURCES:
John Mark Comer's Deconstruction: The Way of Jesus & The Ideologies of the World: https://bit.ly/41YtH8e
Journey of the Soul by Kristi Gaultiere and Bill Gaultiere
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero
3 Types of Legalism by R.C Sproul
Gentle and Lowly By Dane Orland
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
This week’s episode begins the final series of the season and explores the popular yet hard-to-define term of deconstruction. As many of us have had to encounter, this journey of life is often one that leaves us with complex questions. Through part one of this series we will begin to understand the Biblical approach to deconstruction, as Jesus modeled for us.
We will look at the process of beliefs and how they shape the way we see the world, ourselves, and God. Additionally, we will explore the reasons for deconstruction and identity simple practices to engage our questions and concerns with the Truths of Scripture.
If you have been told your questions are unwelcome, your doubts define your faith, or you need to keep silent in the name of spirituality, then this series is for you!
Your questions are valid here.
Your scares are sacred here.
Your whys are welcome here.
Your fears are felt here.
Let’s explore our templates of belief by using Truth to expose religious assumptions and wounding messages that have distorted God’s heart and hope for us as his beloved children.
Resources:
John Mark Comer Deconstruction: The Way of Jesus & The Ideologies of the World
Journey of the Soul by Kristi Gaultiere and Bill Gaultiere
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Have you ever wondered what it actually means to be strong? Or how we are to love the Lord with all our strength? In today’s episode, I am joined by author and trauma therapist on the Aundi Kolber, LPC, to explore the final element of integrated self series. I
In her latest book, Strong Like Water, Aundi explores a new kind of strong and shares clinical and personal insight on the healing journey. Together we explore what integrated strength is and the process of the flow of strength.
Additionally, we outline the importance of honoring our pain and engaging in compassionate resourcing to strengthen our awareness of self and of God.
BOOKS BY AUNDI:
Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy
Strong like Water: Finding the Freedom, Safety, and Compassion to Move through Hard Things--and Experience True Flourishing
FOLLOW AUNDI:
https://aundikolber.com/
On Instagram
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
What type of mindset makes us vulnerable to chronic stress, anxiety & depression? When you are stressed, what automatic coping mechanisms have you adopted that don’t help, but diminish your wellness? What holds you back from getting the rest that you need when you’re stressed?
In this episode from Breathe: The Stress Less Podcast (another free show from LifeAudio), soul care coach Bonnie shares how to ditch mindsets that keep you stuck in anxiety, worry, and stress and what you can do to stop the stress, when you need it most.
This episode will help you let go of unhealthy thinking patterns and replace them with a healthy biblical mindset to create a new rhythm to stop the stress cycle.
DISCOVER MORE EPISODES OF BREATHE: THE STRESS LESS PODCAST FROM BONNIE GRAY:
- Is Self-Care or Soul-Care Selfish or Unspiritual? - https://apple.co/40lhHxb / https://spoti.fi/3FIg305
- How to Stop Numbing Your Emotions & Stop Negative Self-Talk with Jesus - https://apple.co/405mcvz / https://spoti.fi/3Z2b0hP
- Feeling Anxious? Cast Your Cares on God Because He Cares For You - https://apple.co/3FHsQA5 / https://spoti.fi/3ZWQb8R
LINKS & RESOURCES:
- Take the Soul Care Quiz at soulcarequiz.com– your FREE personal wellness assessment – to learn which areas of wellness you’re missing most to flourish with God’s peace and joy in your life.
- Grab Bonnie’s new book to lower stress, Breathe: 21 Ways to Stress Less & Transform Chaos to Calm
- Join the FREE Breathe Wellness Book Club to tackle for areas of wellbeing: emotional, physical, spiritual, and social wellness athttp://thebonniegray.com/breathe.Get 4 LIVE sessions + community support!
- Want scientific articles mentioned in today’s show? Sign up for the FREE Breathe newsletter https://thebonniegray.com/subscribe/
- Get Bonnie’s FREE 7 Prayers & Scriptures to Calm Anxiety here!
FOLLOW BONNIE:
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/thebonniegray
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/thebonniegray
- Website: http://www.thebonniegray.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
When Paul tells us in Romans 12 not to “conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” – what does he mean? What are the steps involved in renewing our minds?
Today I am diving back into our series by looking at the importance of integration of our minds. Pulling from neuroscience and clinical experience, in this episode I investigate the connection between our brains, bodies, and their part in defining the mind. Together we will explore a powerful definition of the mind and look into Scripture to see how even our thoughts and brain-body connections can help us know and be known deeply.
Additionally, we will outline the 4 main concepts of the mind: Embodiment, Relationality, Energy, and Information within the context of scripture.
RESOURCES:
Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson, MD
The Developing Mind by Dr. Daniel Siegel
Emotionally Healthy Relationships by Pete Scazzero
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In this week's episode, I am joined by Dr. Curt Thompson, author, psychiatrist, and founder of Being Known, LLC. Much of Curt’s work focuses on the integration of interpersonal neurobiology and spiritual formation. Together we explore the second of our four aspects of self - the soul. This conversation is one that explores and defines, or I would say, integrates the soul as a vital aspect of our being known and loving God. Additionally, we discuss the connection between awareness and spiritual formation and provide simple but significant practices to begin soul work.
Resources:
Anatomy of the Soul
Soul of Shame
Soul of Desire
The being known podcast with Curt Thompson
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today’s episode explores the integration of our heart in our journey to being known.
As the invitation in Mark 12:30 begins, we are to love the Lord with all our heart, but what exactly does that mean? As we look back to Scripture, we find many invitations to not deny the reality of our hearts, but to bring all our affections, desires, and longings to the One who created them from the beginning.
In today’s episode, we will explore the heart as both our center of affection and action, which drives our wills and ways of live. Through interactive self-reflection, we will engage our hearts with the truths of Scripture and begin learning how our hearts, and all they hold within, point us back to the love that God has for us.
This is where the heart work begins. Where self-exploration is essential for understanding where our treasure is and how our affections and pursuits are impacting us emotionally and spiritually.
Matthew 6:21 Reflection Questions:
- What do I value most?
- In the last week, what have I been thinking about, dreaming about, desiring and seeking after?
- What do I fear losing?
- What do I believe in obtaining will bring me fulfillment?
Psalm 139 Reflection Questions:
- Do I bring my heart to him?
- What gets in the way of inviting God into my heart?
- What if I knew God’s heart for me was kind?
- What if I starting to understand my affections and desires always bring me back to God and my divine nature?
- Invite Him: “Search me oh God and know my heart”…
- What has He revealed to me about my heart today?
Resources:
The Gift of Being Yourself by David Benner
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality By Pete Scazzero
Beyond Identity by Dick Keyes
To Be Told By Dan Allender
*Being known Podcast
*Places We Find Ourselves Podcast
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
This week on the podcast we are kicking off a new series on self-awareness and its importance in our spiritual formation. We will dive into the importance of self-knowledge as an integral part of knowing and being known by God. In this introduction of the series, we will explore the consequences of leaving the self out of Christianity and discuss the difference between cognitive knowledge and embodied experience that transforms our self-perception and our spiritual development.
Grounded in Scripture, we will anchor our study in the development of knowing and being known in each part of our whole self: Heart, Soul, Mind, and Strength. Additionally, we will begin this exploration with simple self-reflection and medications from scripture to increase our self-understanding and resource our imaginations.
Resources:
The Gift of Being Yourself by David Benner
The Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality By Pete Scazzero
Beyond Identity by Dick Keyes
To Be Told By Dan Allender
*Being known Podcast
*Places We Find Ourselves Podcast
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In the final episode of the sexuality series, I am joined by my friend and ministry partner, Emily Woody. We discuss the topic of singleness and the journey we have both taken in fighting against the messages that idealize marriage and redefining our stories through God’s guidance and faithful community.
Emily, who has spent over 20 years in ministry as a single women, shares honestly about the way God has transformed her perspective on singleness and encourages other singles to press into the gift that singleness offers them. Additionally, we process the challenging messages of shame related to singleness, discuss sexual desire as single, and how to pursue authenticity and intimacy as singles in relationships with those around us.
We also outline the theology of singleness, as an equal and honorable call in life and not second to marriage. In a world that often leaves singles feeling that they are “too much” or “not enough,” we need to redefine the goodness of singleness and learn to steward it well!
More Resources:
Sexless in the City by Kat Harris
I Don’t Wait Anymore By Grace Thorton
Authentic Human Sexuality by J. and J. Balswick
Emotionally Healthy Leadership by Pete Scazzero
Soul of Desire by Curt Thompson
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
This week on the podcast I am joined by fellow podcaster and ministry leader Josh Proctor. We dive into the hot-button topics of our culture and discuss the complexities of navigating the collision of sexuality and faith. Sharing from both personal experience and his professional work, Josh explores his journey of coming to a theology of community and what family looks like in God’s kingdom.
Additionally, Josh outlines the theological perspectives of sexuality: Sides X,Y, B, and A. Through our conversation, we will speak to the spiritual formation needs of sexual minorities who are facing the challenges of reconciling their faith and sexuality and provide education to those wanting to know how to better support those in their lives, communities, and churches who fall outside of the normative family system.
For more resources on this topic:
Life on Side B Podcast
PostureShift.com
The Center for Faith, Sexuality, and Gender
Places We Find Ourselves
Authentic Human Sexuality by J. and J. Balswick
People to be Loved by Preston Sprinkle
Embodied by Preston Sprinkle
Gay Girl Good God by Jackie Hill Perry
War of Loves by David Bennet
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In today’s epsiode, I am joined by my pastor, mentor and friend, Brenton Lehman as we tackle the questions surrounding sexuality and a gospel-centered approach to embodied stewardship. We will be exploring the empowerment and liberation of scripture’s depiction of the body as a “temple” of the Lord, discuss a model for navigating the complexities of our current reality with compassion and courage, and lean into the biblical language that forms our sexuality as a soul-centered expression of our relationship to God and others. Additionally, we will outline the 4 forming principles from Authentic Human Sexuality: Covenant over contracts, Grace over shame, empowerment over control, and intimacy over distancing. Our sexuality is a gift, one we are called to affirm as good and steward faithfully.
For more resources on this topic, please see these titles:
-Sexless in the city by Kat Harris
-Redeeming Sex by Debra Hirsch
-Authentic Human Sexuality by J. and J. Balswick
- Unwanted by Jay Stringer
-Sexual Character by Marva Dawn
-Allender Center Podcast
-Refined Collective Podcast
- Places We Find Ourselves
New Life Fellowship - Sexual wholeness
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
What is the theology of sexuality? In a culture that promotes an “anything goes” mentality to the church that has preached wounding messages about pre-marital sex, we often are left feeling confused, abused, and in many ways unsure of what the Bible actually says about our sexuality and how to embrace our bodies, desires, and attractions as God-given and God-designed. In today’s episode, we will introduce this month’s series by addressing the problems of both the shaming versions of purity culture and the damaging effects of sexualized society. Explore what the Bible actually says about sex, sexuality, and our bodies. And seek to reclaim the goodness of sexuality as we learn how to steward it well in relationship with others.
If you have grown up in the purity movement culture, or have been wounded by the culture’s views on how to define or confine your sexuality, I pray this can be a healing conversation.
For more resources on this topic, please see these titles:
Sexless in the City by Kat Harris
Redeeming Sex by Debra Hirsch
Authentic Human Sexuality by J. Balswick
Unwanted by Jay Stringer
Sexual Character by Marva Dawn
Allender Center Podcast
Refined Collective Podcast
The Place We Find Ourselves Podcast
New Life Fellowship - Sexual wholeness
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
What does it mean to contemplate and why is that an important element of the Sabbath Rhythm? In the final episode of the rhythms over resolutions series, we dive into defining the practice of contemplation and its connection to meditating on God’s goodness and our belovedness. As a central aspect of the Sabbath, contemplation invites us to reflect, think, and meditate on the love of God and who He has created us to be: His beloved children.
We will together discuss Henri Nouwen’s Book, Life of the Beloved, and explore the truth of our belovedness and how, through weekly contemplation, we continue to become beloved. Living beloved begins with claiming our chosenness, blessedness, and brokenness, so that we may, like Christ, be given to the World.
Resources:
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/
Practicingtheway.org
Soulsheperding.com
Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
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There is often a misconception surrounding the concept of delight. Some would say delight or pleasure is selfish and therefore sinful yet what if it is delight which we were made to experience?
In this episode, we continue our discussion on the rhythms of the Sabbath, that God has gifted us and designed us for as his beloved children. We will explore together the distortion of desire and joys that often trip us up from engaging with God in embodied ways. Additionally, in this episode, we will outline the biblical definition of delight and its purpose for our lives, as an invitation to taste and see that the Lord is indeed good! It’s time we learn our way back to the delight and the heart of God for us.
Resources:
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/
Ruth Haley Barton - Embracing Rhythms of Work and Rest: From Sabbath to Sabbatical and Back Again
Practicingtheway.org
Soulsheperding.com
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
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What if neediness is actually a blessing? In this second installment of our new years series, we explore the gift of rest and its connection to our design as humans. The difficulty of rest is that we often feel as though we cannot fit it into our lives yet in doing so we deny our design.
Through this episode, we reintroduce the conditional invitation to find rest by first acknowledging our needs and allowing them to be our guide home. Undoing the cultural call to do more to be more, we will discover that rest is our birthright, and a rhythm of our divine nature.
Additionally, we will explore basic components of practicing REST: Relax, Eliminate, Sleep, and Time. If you are weary, come listen in and be encouraged that your needs are welcome here.
Resources:
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality
Ruthless Elimination of Hurry
Practicingtheway.org
Soulsheperding.com
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
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Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
It’s a New Year, and with that comes a new series to kick 2023 off right - Rhythms Over Resolutions. Over the next four weeks, we will explore the shift from making resolutions to creating rhythms in our lives that help shape us into who we are created to become.
Whatever our goals may be for this year, it is essential to go back to the foundational rhythms God has created us for - both rest and work. Yet, in our fast past society, it is hard to find time to stop in a consistent way that benefits our productivity and builds our emotional and spiritual well-being.
In this introduction episode, we will explore the common misconceptions surrounding resolution-making, define the biblical invitation to stop as a part of how we were created, and discuss three ways stopping is essential to your success.
Resources:
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality
Ruthless Elimination of Hurry
Practicingtheway.org
Soulsheperding.com
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
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Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
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It’s almost Christmas! This week, we are wrapping up our Advent series and the 2023 season of the podcast by exploring the theme of Love founded in God’s goodness towards us.
Through this episode, we will outline the season of reorientation through the final verses of Psalm 23:5-6 and rediscovery our belovedness, as children of God. By redefining good as God’s movement of love towards us, we will find that no matter what the past has held or what the future holds, we are safe and secure, with God’s goodness and mercy following us and going before us to prepare the way home.
Resources:
Commentary on Psalm 23:5-6
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Today’s episode continues the seasons of the soul series and explores the theme of joy amid what Psalm 23 depicts as disorientation.
Joined by friend Dr. Lauren Gilbert, we discuss the complexity of holding space for divine joy in the reality of our soul’s darkest moments. Dr. Lauren shares from her research and her heart on the challenges that our faith faces in the reality of pain, loss, and longing. Looking at both psychology and theology, we discuss how disorientation is vital to our spiritual journey and that true joy, awareness of God’s grace, can be cultivated regardless of outcomes. Additionally, we engage in the practice of listening prayer to hold space for both grieve and grace to be acknowledged this holiday season.
Follow Dr. Lauren on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drlaurengilbert/
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
- Listening Prayer Guide: https://www.theignatianjourney.com/scripture-and-lectio-divina
For Seasons of Disorientation:
-
Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth: by Bill Gaultiere and Kristi Gaultiere - https://amzn.to/3FSXBSW
-
To Be Told by Dan Allender: https://bit.ly/3HETpYf
-
It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered by Lysa Terkeurst - https://amzn.to/3HD12P6
Other Resources:
- Psalm 23: https://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/23.html
- Walter Brueggemann: Praying the Psalms: https://amzn.to/3VC2PIp
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This is part two of our Advent series. Here’s part one: https://apple.co/3hahjQI
We’ve been looking for peace in all the wrong places. What if the true peace we desire is found in our position as a child of God?
Today’s episode explores the second theme of Advent: Peace. Using Psalm 23 as our guide, we explore the first movement of the spiritual life, orientation.
Although orientation seems hard to find in our world, the scriptures invite us into a position of orientation that is not dependent on location or situation. We will look at the origin of peace in the presence of God as our shepherd, and the promise that “He is ours” and “We are his.”
We will look to the fulfillment of scripture that peace or wholeness is what Christ brings as the Good Shepherd, Jehovah Rohi. Finally, we will use these truths to practice grounding ourselves in peace, as we seek to orient ourselves to God’s closeness, compassion, voice, and leading.
RESOURCES:
Psalm 23: https://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/23.html
Walter Brueggemann: Praying the Psalms: https://amzn.to/3VC2PIp
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Today’s episode is the beginning of a journey through the season of Advent and an exploration of the work of Walter Brueggemann who connects the movements of the psalms to the rhymes of our spiritual lives in moving us into a deeper relationship with God. In this episode, we define the purpose of advent, as a season of waiting for the revealing of Christ, and the process of our soul’s seasons outlined in Psalm 23. the reality of spiritual seasons: orientation, disorientation, and reorientation will be explained and used as the framework for taking hold of the unshakeable hope of the promised Messiah, Christ, and the present reality of his personhood and presence in every season of our lives.
Resources:
J.I Packer - Knowing God: https://amzn.to/3VEG2Ll
Walter Brueggemann- Praying the Psalms: https://amzn.to/3VC2PIp
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Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today’s episode is the conclusion of our Relational Roadblock series and a look at what it means to cultivate relational gratitude during the holiday season. Taken from a previously recorded episode, this Thanksgiving day discussion, helps us prepare our hearts and set our minds on what it means to do life together. Whether in our family of origin or chosen family, we are called to navigate this journey together. This episode will explore the common holiday roadblocks and look to scripture for relational practices so that our fellowship may flourish.
Four practices for cultivating gratitude in our relationships :
1. Praying for one another
2. Honoring one another
3. Forgiveness one another
4. Encouraging one another
Resources:
Community Prayer:
https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/3-prayers-for-relationships-to-strengthen-and-restore.html
Relationships: A mess work making by Timothy Lane: https://www.amazon.com/Relationships-Making-Tim-S-Lane/dp/0977080765See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today’s episode is a special crossover episode with fellow LifeAudio host Nicole Unice from How to Study the Bible. Together we explore the tough topic of forgiveness and the process of repair found in scripture. Through the framework of Colossians 3, Nicole and I take a bible study approach and share our personal experience with learning love well by leaning into the practice of “putting on” the fruit of the spirit so that we can learn to forgive. Additionally, this episode outlines biblical principles for relational living, and applicational takeaways for repairing relationships in healthy and healing ways.
Listen to How to Study the Bible -
Apple: https://apple.co/3Oe1gx7
Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3hKeLbL
LifeAudio: https://www.lifeaudio.com/how-to-study-the-bible/
FOLLOW NICOLE FOR THE FREE COLOSSIANS READING PLAN!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicoleunice/
Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/howtostudythebiblepod/
Email Newsletter: https://nicoleunice.com/realtalk/
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Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today’s episode discusses another aspect of relational difficulty: our communication, or lack thereof. In this episode, Carley unpacks:
- Common reasons for communication breakdown
- The 3 communication styles, while grounding our discussion in scriptural strategies for developing healthy communication.
- Evidenced-based techniques for communication
- A soul-level component to the foundation of our interpersonal interactions.
SIGN UP FOR A FREE WORKSHOP WITH CARLEY:
Want to learn more about Relationships? Get a copy of my Building Better Boundaries workbook and attend the live workshop on Nov. 13th at 7pm est. by registering here: https://bit.ly/3hmqGwi
Resources:
Therapistaid.com - "Communication Styles" https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/boundaries-psychoeducation-printout
Pipas, M. D., & Jaradat, M. (2010). Assertive communication skills. Annales Universitatis Apulensis: Series Oeconomica, 12(2), 649.
Dasgupta, S. A., Suar, D., & Singh, S. (2012). Impact of managerial communication styles on employees’ attitudes and behaviors. Employee Relations, 35(2), 173-199.
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Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today’s episode discusses the challenges that come in our relationships when we do not set healthy boundaries. We talk about:
- The reasons why healthy relationships require healthy boundaries
- Why honoring our limits can actually help us to love from a place of fullness.
- We ask ourselves: "What keeps us from setting boundaries and honoring our limits?"
- We will review several common answers to that question and ways to see boundaries in a positive and practical way.
- Simple steps toward identifying and implementing personal boundaries.
FREE WORKSHOP ON BUILDING BETTER BOUNDARIES!
To receive a copy of my Building Better Boundaries and to attend the live workshop on Nov. 13th at 7 pm est. Please register here: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/635d86e998fa5fbdfe298212
RESOURCES:
Dr. Henry Cloud - Boundaries: https://amzn.to/2TrtDKj
Pete Scazzero - Emotionally Healthy Relationships: https://bit.ly/3zJ5nLF
Therapistaid.com - What are Personal Boundaries?: https://bit.ly/3h5b9kj
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FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today’s episode discusses the foundation of relationships by asking the question: Why are relationships vital to our emotional and spiritual health? We outline the power of attachment and the theological implications of being relational beings. Additionally, we name the reality of hurts and hardships within relational contexts and explore the characteristic of healing relationships founded in Scripture : unconditional love over conditions, Gracing over shaming, empowerment over control, intimacy over isolation from The Reciprocating Self.
Resources Mentioned:
The Reciprocating Self: Human Development in Theological Perspective by Jack O. Balswick, Pamela Ebstyne King, et al: https://amzn.to/3zjBsJS
Theology, Psychology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling by Mark McMinn: https://amzn.to/3U0j2Ww
Attachements: Why You Love, Feel, and ACT the Way You Do By Tim Clinton : https://amzn.to/3gLCojA
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Today’s episode explores our different perspectives on sin and brokenness by asking the question: Are we sinners or are we sick?
Carley discusses the polarizing differences between modern psychology and Christian theology and define attributional styles which impact our spiritual formation on sin.
Additionally, we explore the powerful connection these aspects have from an integrative perspective and uncover the foundational truths of scripture that empower us to no longer live as sick or sinners.
Practical application: We will walk through the practice of breath prayers and a spirit of confession.
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Beyond Identity by Dick Keyes: https://amzn.to/3sdctnn
Theology, Psychology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling by Mark McMinn https://amzn.to/3Dbax5s
The Ignatian Journey - Breath Prayer: https://bit.ly/3gnxyJ6
Romans 5 (EVS)
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Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today’s episode dives deeper into the topic of self discussed in last week’s episode with Mark Mcminn. Looking at the first of 3 components for emotional and spiritual health by asking the question “how are you measuring your worth?”We discuss contingencies of self-worth, the impact of unhealthy spirituality, and scripture’s message for developing a healthy sense of worth; one that is not dependent on merit or performance but on God's love and for us. Topics also covered in this episode include the benefits of self-worth to our emotional and spiritual health and 2 simple practices to begin living in light of our intrinsic value.
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
Resources:
Dr. Kristin Neff: The Importance of Self-Worth: https://www.psychalive.org/self-worth/
Matthew 6:19-24 (ESV)
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Author and Psychologist Mark McMinn joins me today to talk about the concept of integration and its necessity for emotional and spiritual health. After a long academic career conducting research and teaching doctoral students in health service psychology, Mark now spends his time writing, providing psychotherapy a few hours each week, and growing fruit in rural Oregon. Topics covered in our conversation include defining the integration of psychology and spirituality; Model for psychological and spiritual health, and the exploration of the key component of the self, our need, and healing relationships.
Today’s episode is based on Mark’s book Theology, Psychology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling: https://amzn.to/3e8j7Il
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
Resources mentioned:
https://www.markrmcminn.com/
Theology, Psychology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling: https://amzn.to/3e8j7Il
Sin and Grace: https://amzn.to/3ryiQkYSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“I leave church feeling shame or anger”
“I don’t know if I believe anymore”
“I’ve blown it and God is mad at me.”
Have you found yourself thinking these things? You’re not alone. These are the kinds of confessions Kristi hears in her counseling office all the time. And what she tells her clients is what she wants to tell you today: Your questions are normal, healthy, and God will use them as we come to understand the grace available to us.
Deconstruction does not necessarily mean you are leaving the faith. In fact, it’s often a normal part of the Christian faith journey. Today, we’ll look at what it means to deconstruct and reconstruct our faith when we hit the spiritual wall.
Kristi is a psychotherapist and spiritual director for women in ministry and pastors’ wives. She co-leads Soul Shepherding with Bill. She was personally mentored by Jane Willard and Dr. Jan Stoop.
As a pastor’s wife, mother, and ministry professional, Kristi offers empathy and wisdom from her experience personally and as a therapist who has spent many thousands of hours caring for people. Kristi enjoys speaking, training, teaching, consulting, counseling, and retreat leading with Bill, as well as recording their weekly Soul Talks podcast.
In this episode, Kristi and Carley talk about:
-
Our need for mentorship in our spiritual journey: we need people to walk with us through our challenges and sufferings
-
The Christ Stages of Faith
-
Deconstruction, “Hitting the Wall” and the benefits and temptations before and after the Wall
-
Tips for rebuilding faith after deconstruction and soul care practices
-
Creating a journey map of your faith
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
FOLLOW KRISTI:
https://www.soulshepherding.org/
LISTEN TO THE SOUL TALKS PODCAST:
https://apple.co/3Sxi8QI
GET KRISTI’S BOOK:
Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth: https://amzn.to/3Sdew6t
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We have covered so much these last 5 weeks, and today as we conclude this series, I wanted to take a moment to sit with what we have discovered and practice a few techniques that pair beautifully with common spiritual disciplines to assist in continuing to understand and make time to reflect and process our emotional distress.
You see, what I am learning in the presence of distress and as I sit with my clients day after day, is that our distress points us to our desires and design.
Ronald Rolheiser suggests in his writings that all human souls experience this internal tension by way- of longing, loneliness, desire, restlessness, or other felt emotions.
Yet, there is something we learn in facing our longings and naming the ways we are left wanting… As we chase after things, feelings, experiences, and people, we come to find that these things cannot quench the insatiable soul.
Despite my desire to alleviate my distress or hope it will never return, the question I have been coming to ask instead is this…
How is my soul being shaped by longing?
So, here are a few ways we can practice being shaped by longings.
In the therapy space, we call these distress tolerance skills, and in the church, you may know them as spiritual disciplines. I encourage you to take time to pause & practice these skills and add them to your daily rhythms.
Observation = silence & contemplation
Mindfulness = solitude & practicing God’s presence
Self-Validation = prayer & scripture
Support = Community & Care
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
RESOURCES IN THIS EPISODE -
The Fire Within - Ronald Rolheiser: https://www.amazon.com/Fire-Within-Desire-Sexuality-Longing/dp/1640606661
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What I’ve come to learn through loss is that it shapes us and renames us. “We must grieve to the level we loved” says Andrew Bauman. Unfortunately, our grief is often suppressed or displaced through other emotions. But what if we gave ourselves permission to name our losses? What if this is the path to healing?
In this episode, Carley walks us through –
1. The grief process
2. The signals of grief
3. Why we resist grief
4. What we learn about grief from Jesus
5. What does it look like to lament and engage with our grief
RESOURCES IN THIS EPISODE -
Andrew Bauman's 'Stumbling Toward Wholeness' - https://amzn.to/3DojrwF
Interview
Mayo Clinic on Grief - https://mayocl.in/3LkqY1B
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We all get angry, although maybe some of us do not recognize it or feel the need to deny it. The feelings associated with anger are a part of the human experience. In the therapy space, I often see how anger causes a significant level of distress. If not acknowledged carefully and resolved it will grow into resentment which holds our hearts in captivity, impacting our relationships with God and others.
Anger is like armor, it is powerful and assertive, and vital to protecting our sense of self. In therapy, it is often said that anger is a secondary emotion because it often acts in response to deeper displaced emotions such as fear, anxiety, guilt, and shame.
Questions We Will Consider in this Episode:
- How do we become a people shaped by righteous anger that reflects God’s character?
- Cause - What or who is trigger my anger?
- Quality - What is our focus change or revenge?
- Expression - What do you choose to do with it?
Other Episodes in Decoding Our Distress Series –
- Why Do I Feel This Way? (Decoding Our Distress, Pt 1) – https://bit.ly/3AW6J5x
- Exploring Our Doubts and Fears (Decoding Our Distress, Pt 2) - https://bit.ly/3x5lG42
- The Important Difference between Guilt & Shame (Decoding Our Distress, Pt 3) - https://bit.ly/3qiN9vt
Sources:
Beyond Identity by Dick Keyes: https://amzn.to/3TKwIpn
Liturgy - Every Moment Holy: https://www.everymomentholy.com/
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
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Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
We are continuing our series on decoding our distress by asking the question: Why do I feel this way?
Last week, we began with feelings within the spectrum of fear and doubt. Today, I want to explore the feelings of shame & guilt and how we can respond to them through the lens of the gospel.
What is important to note here is the distinction between these two emotions. From a basic definition: guilt addresses one’s behavior whereas shame addresses one’s self-concept.
Brené Brown researcher on shame and best-selling author defines these two experiences by saying:
"Guilt says, “I did something bad, while shame says, “I am bad.”"
So, the first step to understanding standing these distressing emotional states is by recognizing them as signals of significance - They tell us something about what we have done or not done and what we think of ourselves in relation to our experiences.
What are they telling us? And what is it important? That’s what we’ll unpack today.
RESOURCES:
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown: https://amzn.to/3edm1ek
Beyond Identity by Dick Keyes: https://amzn.to/3Kx6TF1
Psychology, Theology, and Spiritually in Christian Counseling by Mark McMinn: https://amzn.to/3Trwh2W
What Is the Difference Between Guilt and Shame? by Psychology Today: https://bit.ly/3Kyi682
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Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today, we are going to explore emotions that fall within the category of doubt & fear: worry, anxiety, concern, nervousness, terror, and the list goes on. How we distinguish these words is by their intensity.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS:
The next time you feel doubt or fear, consider:
- What is this feeling of doubt or fear trying to tell me?
- What am I believing that is contributing to this feeling?
- What value is my fear or doubt pointing to?
- In what ways can our fear and doubt speak to our needs both spiritually and socially?
NEXT STEPS:
Make a list of your fears, name your doubts, and bring them to God’s Word. If there is one thing I have learned through this process personally, it is that God is not afraid of our questions, his love is not weakened by our whys, and His word will challenge and change us as we seek to find comfort and courage in his sovereignty and strength.
VERSES TO COMFORT YOU:
Isaiah 43:1-4
John 16:33
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Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Whether you are feeler by nature or not, we all have emotions and have been created with the capacity to feel. We all have different experiences when it comes to emotions. How we were raised, and what has been modeled have a large impact on our current relationship with emotions. Although there are a select few emotions that are easy to acknowledge - emotional distress, which is often uncomfortable, is harder to identify, withstand, manage, and understand.
Over the next few weeks, we are going to walk through a mini-series on emotional distress. There is a need for healthy formation in this area of our lives and I believe the bible provides guidance and grace for us to develop the awareness and practices for acknowledging and understanding our emotions- as given by God, to draw us closer to him and others.
What I often see within both therapy and in Christian circles is that many tend to dismiss or even deny the presence or intensity of their emotional experiences. We make excuses for our actions and seek to distract or distance ourselves from whatever distresses us. In addition to this denial, we can assume that such feelings are unholy or display a lack of spiritual maturity.
Our bodies and minds often pay the toll for our attempts to distract ourselves from our emotional distress or the feelings we most often want to deny. We self-medicate and load up our schedules and social calendars to distract ourselves from the reality that something is not right. The consequence of these methods of coping is damaging to both our bodies and our souls.
One of the largest contributors to our emotional crisis currently, is that we have not learned to validate our feelings. This is a systemic issue, passed down through our family culture; we each learn how to deal with or not deal with emotions.
Yet, within the family of God, we are brought into a new perspective when it comes to understanding our emotions and the experiences we face within our broken world.
The purpose of our emotions:
- Signals of significance
- Soul aspect of our divine nature
- Support social and spiritual connection
Disclaimer I am excited to walk through this series together and I want to be sure to acknowledge that this educational discussion is not a substitute for therapy. I encourage you to find a counselor and spiritual mentor to walk with you in examining and exploring emotions of distress in addition to supportive resources.
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In this episode, we a looking at the link between therapy and spiritual growth.
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Today, we are tackling a question that has so much relevance today – both from a health perspective, but also from a spiritual perspective. Self-Care – is it biblical, or not? Sometimes, self-care can seem selfish, if not impossible in the busy schedules we maintain.
But what is the effect of that busy lifestyle? We can emphasize what we do for God rather than who we are to him. Often our doing trumps our being. And the result can sometimes be burnout, and then guilt for needing a break.
Admitting that we have needs is NOT a failure. Our need for rest is not only necessary for each of us, but biblical.
In this episode, we discuss:
- The benefits of self-care
- Why self-care is sometimes looked down on (understandably so!)
- How Jesus modeled self-care throughout his earthly ministry
- How to start practicing self-care
- The 4 areas of self-care (Physical/Emotional/Psychological/Spiritual)
- Pete Scazzero’s 4 elements of Sabbath-keeping (stop/rest/delight/contemplate)
RESOURCES:
Pete Scazzero’s Emotionally Healthy Spirituality - https://amzn.to/3oLe8Ps
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
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If you've ever wondered what the first session of therapy is like, this episode is for you. In this episode, I share 3 steps for anyone who is thinking about getting counseling but isn't sure where to start.
Today, we'll walk through each of these steps together:
1. Start with your story
2. Find sacred spaces
3. Seek out spiritual resources
ABOUT THE REBRAND:
The producers at LifeAudio and I decided to rebrand my original podcast “Reframed: the power of perspective” to Therapy + Theology! My hope is that this change will capture the intention and direction of my purpose in each episode to explore a question or topic that correlates to the intersection between emotional health and spiritual well-being.
ASK CARLEY!
Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Dr. Dan Allender - To Be Told
Dallas Willard - Renovation of the Heart
Brene Brown - Daring Greatly
Daine Poole Heller- Power of Attachment
THERAPY SEARCH WEBSITE:
Psychology Today
Christian Counseling Network
FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/
FOLLOW CARLEY:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Episode 10: Coming Home: A New Way to Respond to Our Burdens
This is the final episode of the year, what a blessing this season has been for me and I hope to you also as we have walked through so many topics and truths to equip us in disputing discouragement and seeking abundant life we have through Christ.
Today, I want to share something that the Lord has been teaching me through both my personal journey and the journeys of the many brave souls I have the honor to walk alongside.
Something I do at the end of every year is look back through my journal entries and find themes and patterns in verses and prayers. Based on these findings, I set an intention for the coming year, to be grounded in those truths as a new season begins.
At the start of 2021, I found that a major theme in my life was resting in the presence of God. This learning came from various sources and the Spirit’s leading, but the one passage of scripture repeated over and over again in my journal entries was Psalm 27.
“One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire[c] in his temple.” Verse 4
With this intention and assurance, to ask and seek, to pray and practice, to dwell and simply remind my soul to be with God no matter what I begin my journey into 2021. My prayer became: whatever, wherever, whenever - I want to dwell with the Lord forever. Little did I know that several unforeseeable challenges both internal and external would test this newly forming practice and position in my heart.
One final practice:
Let’s do this together. If you have a journal or want to come back to this when you have time to sit with it and reflect, I recommend taking time to write these things out and see them visually or talk them out with a friend or therapist.
- Starting with this question: What are my burdens? List the things that are present in your heart, your world, your relationships.
Here are some examples: Friendships, Discouragement, Specific sins, Loss, Change, Trauma /pain
- Now draw a second column on the right of this list, write your needs for each of these burdens.
Here are some examples:
Friendships = I need belonging
Discouragement = I need value. Direction, inspiration
Specific sins = I need intimacy, connection, relief
Loss = I need comfort
Change = I need safety, provision
Trauma /pain = I need healing, rest, comfort
- Now, take each need: Belonging, volume, intimacy, etc - and look to scripture for responses to these needs.
We are conditioned to think that the things of this world that were never meant to satisfy us would fill us. Yet, in our returning, again and again, we are empowered to wait for the day when our king will come to us again, and our joy will never again be taken from us!
So, dear brothers and sisters,
I encourage you to come home, daily, hours, moment my moment, and renew your vision and focus. Let us ask for the Lord, to be with him, to dwell with him, and bring our every need to him.
Praying for you, thankful for you, and excited for the journey to come in 2022!
Whenever, whatever, wherever, let us remember to come home!
Getty/Polar Lights
I cannot believe Christmas is around the corner and as I have been discussing with many of my client’s lately, with the holidays comes both excitement for rest but also some unpleasant realities of our family relationships.
I often ask this question when meeting new clients: “describe your family in three words.” This quick exercise gives me a broad view of the family dynamics impacting my client’s perspective.
In this episode, I want to explore our family origins and how those dynamics may be impacting us, especially during the holidays. I hope this will provide some encouragement for you to take into this Christmas season.
Questions We Talk through In This Episode:
- What are the “messages” you grew up hearing?
Messages are simply information via words or behaviors that convey values, expectations, and rules within an interaction.
For example: a family message growing could be something like: “success is found in a good career” or ``emotions are a sign of weakness” or “don’t trust people,” etc.
The messages we receive from our father and mother in many ways are the foundation for our core beliefs of self.
- What messages have negatively impacted you? What do you believe about yourself based on those messages you grew up hearing?
Oftentimes we need to go back to go forward in our family relationships. Reflecting on the unhealed wounds and acknowledging the beliefs they have created in our hearts.
But we cannot stop there...
If we did, we would most likely become bitter towards those who have carelessly hurt us and lose hope in the possibility of having a sense of belonging that family gives us.
Next Steps to Take toward Healing:
-
Turn to God’s Word: As you reflect on the messages of your family of origin and the experiences that have shaped your perspective throughout life - how do they contrast with God’s fatherly language throughout scripture?
-
Remember You Belong to God’s Family: Whether you have close family or if you have lost loved ones, been hurt or abused by those who were supposed to be protective and trustworthy, I want you to know, despite it all, you are deeply loved and invited into a new kind of belonging within the family of God.
- Who Has God Entrusted to You? What does it look like to love those around us and invite them into the family of God so that they too can experience the hope, peace, joy, and love that we are celebrating this Christmas?
I want to close with a letter I wrote some time ago as a reminder of God’s fatherly affection and I pray it will be a reminder for you as well this Christmas!
My child,
You are so precious to me (Isaiah 43) don't ever doubt how much I love you. Beloved, your life is valuable (Luke 12:15) and I never want you to forget that I have great plans for your life (Psalm 138, Philippians 1:6). Remember, I am with you always so stay strong and claim courage (Joshua 1:9). My sweet girl, I am so proud to be your Father, and I delight in your heart (Psalm 149:4, Zephaniah 3:17). Despite how this world may treat you, remember that nothing can separate you from my love (Romans 8:38-39). I cannot wait to have you home with me one day, but until then, hold tightly to my hand and walk with me daily (john 15:4).
I am with you always,
Your Heavenly Father
Verses for Study:
Matthew 12:46-50; John 1:12-13; Romans 8:15; Galatians 3:26-29; Revelation 7:9; John 13:34-35
Resources Mentioned:
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: https://amzn.to/3GOlxVo
Follow Carley:
Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carleymarcouillier/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/carleyMwrites/
To access more content and join my monthly email list for the latest episodes and info, visit my website at https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/
Episode Image Credit: Getty/Rudzhan_Nagiev
*Editor’s Note – Due to an error in post-production, Carley’s episode is publishing a week late. We're sharing anyway because so much of what Carley talks about can be applied throughout the holiday season and honestly, the entire year. Enjoy!
We are back with a Thanksgiving week edition of The Reframed Podcast. I thought it would be fun to take this week and focus our attention on the gift of relationships and simple ways scripture encourages us to cultivate community. As messy and challenging as they may be, our relationships with one another are vital to our healing, growth and faith.
As we have talked about in the past several episodes, there is much work to be done in learning the skills to steward are relationships well, yet as we come into the holiday season, I want to encourage our hearts towards gratitude and reframe our perspectives on the purpose and process of cultivating authentic community with those around us.
Holiday Hang-Ups:
When many come together to celebrate, we inevitably will face either memories of the past pain, or present dysfunction. What can happen in these times of holiday hurriedness is we can minimize or magnify the messiness of our relational connections. We can feel disconnected, lonely, left out, or limited by the challenges of finding a community that feels like home.
Here is where reality remains: in both the joy and pain, grief and grace, struggle and sweetness of human connection.
Four Reminders for Cultivating Community
Something that we see set forth in scripture is the high priority on community. There are countless passages where we read of the focus and formation of community in what many call the “one another." It occurs 100 times in the New Testament. Approximately 59 of those occurrences are specific commands teaching us how (and how not) to relate to one another.
-
Pray for one another (James 5: 13-16)
How can we be praying with one another this holiday season? -
Love one another genuinely (Romans 12:9-10)
What does it look like to love one another and outdo each other in showing honor? -
Forgive one another (Colossians 3:12-13)
Who do we need to forgive or ask for forgiveness from in our community? -
Encourage one another (Hebrews 10:23-25)
What ways can you use your words, work, or gifts to encourage others in your community this holiday season?
Let us press into what it means to be together this week and in the weeks to come, and seek to outdo one another in showing honor, fight for forgiveness, and bring encouragement into our times of celebration.
A Prayer for Cultivating Community:
Lord Jesus,
Thank you for giving me such a vibrant community of friends to do life with. I praise you for the people you have blessed me with, the ones who have come alongside me to love, encourage, support, and uplift me through all the twists and turns of life. I'm so grateful that I do not have to go through life alone, but that you have shown me examples of your love through my dear friends. I pray that you would be present in my friendships, that you would be drawing us together into deeper community with one another toward greater unity with you. I pray that you would help heal any places of brokenness or discord in my friendships, and that you would restore any friendships that have fallen apart. Like your Word says in Colossians 3:12-13, may I clothe myself in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. May I be patient with my friends, and may I forgive freely like you have forgiven me. May I shine your light in my friendships, giving glory to you through all that I do, say, and think. Thank you for my friends, Jesus. Thank you for the ways they build me up and remind me of your goodness and faithfulness. (From: Crosswalk - https://bit.ly/3D9sAFA )
Resources:
Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Timothy Lane: https://amzn.to/3d171MX
One Anothers Overview: https://bit.ly/3Eb8lZz
An earlier version of this episode cut the ending off. It is now fixed!
Over the past several weeks, we have been discussing topics related to relationships and learning to reframe our perspectives through scripture and communication skills.
I have titled today’s episode, “The Power of Repair” because when it comes to the important relationships in our lives, repairing is one of the most powerful skills to maintain unity, increase intimacy, and build lasting connections.
Although I briefly touched on the topic of conflict resolution in communication in other episodes, today, I want to dive deeper into the psychological benefits of practicing relational repair and provide some practical ways to foster the biblical commission of forgiveness.
Conflict, hurt, misunderstandings, differing personalities and different perspectives all play a part in the way we interact with each other. If you have been to therapy or explored your family patterns in some way, you will learn how much our current patterns have been impacted by the perspectives and experiences of our early childhood. With this in mind, we must go back to go forward. By understanding our early connective experiences, we can reframe our current functioning and create a foundation for healthy interactions.
What we cover in this episode:
-
Attachment theory – what it is, who pioneered the concept, and how knowing our attachment style helps us understand how we approach relationships and how to foster healthy bonds with others.
-
Why one of the most important secure attachment skills we can engage in is Repair – and how to practice repair in your relationships. The absence of repair fuels resentments and distrust.
Here is the problem: Many of us have not learned to repair. Our family’s rules and roles within our given systems are at times unhealthy and leave us with a damaged view of how to communicate our needs, wants, feelings, and hurts.
But believe it or not, even in our fighting and arguments, we are subconsciously seeking repair and reconnection:
Here is a great example I use a lot with my clients:
Say your spouse or friend says something like, “You never make time for me anymore” or Your child says, “You don’t pay attention to me.”
Oftentimes, we respond in defense of ourselves without hearing the underlying messages-
You never make time for me is really - “I miss you and desire to connect with you”
You don't pay attention to me is really - “See me, love me, attune to me”
Our attachment behaviors often reflect that of our child-like behaviors from either aggressive tantrums or silence that speaks volumes. We communicate in one form or another our desire for connection.
Five factors that foster reconnection:
- Time - Timing is everything. Giving time to respond and accept repairs and not allowing time to be used as a punishment or way to remain disconnected.
In Proverbs 12:18 we read, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
“You must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:25-27;29).
-
Self-awareness - Triggers and tendencies need to be named so that we enter a repair with knowledge of our patterns.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, and that no root of bitterness springs up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15 -
Perspective - Taking responsibility for a part of the problem and seeking to understand others’ perspectives.
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” - Matthew 5:23-24 -
Acceptance- How we respond to repairs and rejection is important.
“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with hearts of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with one another and forgive any complaint you may have against someone else. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. “ Colossians 3:12-13
- Ritual - Find a ritual that helps you feel connected - Hugs, hand holding, eye contact, words etc.
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
Please take the attachement assessment: https://www.attachmentproject.com
The Power of Attachment by Daine Poole Heller: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Attachment-Lasting-Intimate-Relationships/dp/1622038258
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory: https://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html
Today’s episode dives into another relational topic that impacts our communication and the quality of our interactions. I'm sure we all can relate to the frustration of nothing being understood and at other times not understanding those we love. This pattern called “Mind reading” is built on the foundation of unchecked assumptions.
The stories we tell ourselves have an enormous impact on our emotions and perspectives and when those stories begin to write the narratives of our relationships with others, it can cause unneeded conflict and misunderstandings.
Mind reading is under the umbrella of cognitive distortions which jump to Conclusions- This means that our brains seek to Interpret the meaning of a situation with little or no evidence.
As you probably have experienced, This Irrational thinking pattern quickly influences our feelings within relational contexts and consequently interferes in many ways in the way we perceive and engage in relationships.
Why Do We Mind Read?
It is our brain’s way of seeking to control outcomes by anticipating how to respond.
Reason to Reframe: The importance of reframing our perspective around this topic will tremendously help us in reducing internal distress and increase our ability to connect with those around us by communicating our thoughts and feelings openly and clarifying our assumptions to maintain unity and respect.
Reframing with Truth:
Look back to Scripture and realize that God’s Word addresses these underlying relational patterns.
Questions to ask yourself:
Do I know that to be true?
Have I clarified?
An inversion of assumption is expectation. We often expect someone to do something, say something, or be a part of something without communicating our needs and desires.
The issue with unverbalized expectations is that we often make assumptions based on them.
People cannot meet expectations that have not been communicated or agreed upon.
Questions to ask yourself:
Do we have expectations that are not being met?
Have our expectations been verbalized?
Do we feel that others have unrealistic expectations of us?
Do we need to clarify?
Sometimes our perceived expectations can be untrue yet we can approach our relationships with the frustration or pressure to meet such expectations.
This week, let’s become aware of our tendency to read minds and take time to communicate our thoughts, clarify our perspectives, and pursue understanding and unity in our relationships!
Show Resources:
https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org
https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/
Follow Carley:
Website | Instagram | Facebook
To access more content and join my monthly email list for the latest episodes and info, visit my website at carleymarcouillier.com
Episode Image Credit: Getty/Rudzhan_Nagiev
From boundaries, communication, differentiation, loneliness and community etc. There are many important truths and techniques to support us in developing healthy and God honoring relationships with those around us. I am finding that to love those around me well, I must start with uncovering messages I have believed, addressing patterns of unhealth, and reframing my perspective through practice and prayer.
So, today’s episode is going to focus on one of the most common questions brought into therapy. Why is it so hard to say “no”?
I am learning, slowly, that whether professionally or personally, I must find my edges. Learn my limits, and communicate my choices clearly.
AKA we need to know and name our boundaries. These spoken or unspoken relational lines are meant to help us distinguish where we end and others begin.
One of the easiest ways to test the quality of your boundaries is to ask yourself two simple questions:
Do I say no?
Do I apologize for my limits?
If you answered yes to either then you are in good company.
So, the question is WHY?
What motivates us to contradict our capacity, push ourselves beyond our limits or dismiss our needs, feelings, and values?
The top 4 reasons you have a hard time saying no:
1. Guilt of letting people down – this is the most common reason
2. Need to “help” others in over to be loved – “Am I doing this -for- love, or -from- love?”
3. Needing to please people
4. Need of acceptance
What Are the Consequences of Not saying No?
These symptoms may be present if you don’t implement boundaries:
1.Enmeshment /Codependency
2.Emotional distress
3.Resentment
4.Guilt/fear cycle
Let’s reframe our perspective. Here’s what boundaries are NOT…
1. walls
2. others’ responsibility
3. equal
4. selfish
What boundaries ARE …
1. Relational Tracks
2. property lines of one’s personal power
3. individualized
4. self-care
Boundaries 3 key components:
1.Ownership - personal power
2.Choice - yes and no
3.Responsibility - invitation vs. expectation
Practices:
1.Check in and invite God in too
2.Explore your values by going back to God’s word
3.Name your limits
4.Take small bites - build with small no’s
Show Resources:
https://www.boundaries.me
https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org
Follow Carley:
Website | Instagram | Facebook
To access more content and join my monthly email list for the latest episodes and info, visit my website at carleymarcouillier.com
Episode Image Credit: Getty/Elenabs
Over the last few weeks, we have been looking at the important topics surrounding mental health and today I want to discuss one of the most discussed topics within my work as a therapist.
Self-talk.
So, what is Self-Talk?
Self-talk is your internal dialogue. It's influenced by your subconscious mind and it reveals your thoughts, beliefs, questions, and ideas. Self-talk can be both negative and positive. It can be encouraging, and it can be distressing.
Psychology Today explains that “our inner voice, or self-talk, combining conscious thoughts and unconscious beliefs and biases, provides a way for the brain to interpret and process daily experiences.
Our self-talk can be cheerful and supportive or negative and self-defeating. Self-talk can be beneficial when it’s positive, calming fears and bolstering confidence. Human nature, unfortunately, is prone to negative self-talk, including sweeping assertions like “I can’t do anything right” or “I’m a complete failure."
Reason to Reframe:
Recently, my pastor asked a thought-provoking question to the congregation in regard to self-talk, he asked: “What story are you telling yourself?”
You see, the narrative we believe about ourselves will have a significant impact on the way we live our lives, view ourselves, and our image of God.
These narratives often come from childhood messages, adverse experiences and internal evaluations of our self-perception. The stories we tell ourselves directly impact our self-concept, Self-esteem & self-worth. These can in many ways limit our full expression of personality.
So, Why does this matter to God?
The simple answer to this question is that our negative self-talk reflects a heart that believes lies over truth. Jesus says that out of the heart the mouth speaks. So, what is our heart believing? Is it reflective of our identity as children of God?
Think about your most recent internal dialogue. Maybe the thing you told yourself when you missed an A on an exam, or disappointed your boss at work. Maybe it's the thing you tell yourself when you see your reflection in the mirror, or when you fail to be the parent, or spouse, or friend you think you should be.
Now, listen to how God talks about you…
Isaiah 43:1-4 - Loved, called, and chosen
2 Corinthians 5:17 - New creation
Ephesians 2:10 - God’s workmanship
1 Peter 2:9 - Royal and holy people
Romans 8:2 - Free from condemnation
Romans 8: 38-39 - More than conquerors
1 John 3:1- Children of God
Self-compassion practice:
Critical self, Wounded Self, Compassionate self
Resources: Gentle & Lowly - Dan Ortland
Episode Image Credit: Ponomariova Maria
Today I am excited to be introduced to a special guest on the podcast my Pastor, and spiritual mentor, Brenton Lehman. Brenton is the discipleship and teaching pastor at my home church, Gospel Community, here in Lynchburg, Va.
Over the last year, I have been working with Brenton and the staff here at Gospel as a ministry resident and learning so much from a spiritual formation and discipleship perspective. I felt that it was only fitting that at the completion of my time as a ministry resident, we discuss a topic that is near and dear to both therapy work and pastoral care.
One of the biggest problems I have come to in church culture throughout my time in ministry is the propensity to disconnect or dismiss the presence of emotional distress or pain for the sake of spiritual maturity.
In this episode, we cover:
A. Spiritual bypassing – what it is and how it shows up in our lives:
Denial or repression of feelings – “I’m not lonely, I have Jesus”
Dismissing others’ emotions – “Count it all joy”
Focusing only on the positive – “It will all work together for good”
Over-using spiritual statements as the solution to distress – “Everything happens for a reason”
B. What does it mean to steward our emotions well?
- Remember that you can’t unlink spiritual and emotional maturity.
- Stop labeling emotions as bad or good
- Recognize emotions as needs
- Bring needs to Jesus
Resources:
Allison Coke: The Danger of Bypassing Your Emotions
Check out Pete Scazzero’s work – EmotionallyHealthy.org
Follow Carley:
Website | Instagram | Facebook
To access more content and join my monthly email list for the latest episodes and info, visit my website at carleymarcouillier.com
Episode Image Credit: Getty/Aleksei Morozov
This episode is all about addressing the hot topics of mental health. We’ll reframe our thoughts and perspectives about mental health by looking through the lens of God’s Word to see the heart of God.
In this episode, we will unpack:
1. What mental illness is (and how it is different than mental health).
2. What labels can be dangerous
3. Differentiating between symptoms and disorders
4. The challenges that come with specific diagnoses (including depression, psychosis, bipolar, anxiety disorders and suicidality)
5. Treatment options and the stigma around treatment
6. The heart of God toward those who are struggling with mental illness symptoms and disorders.
How do we know if someone is at risk or deeply struggling with suicidality?
Evidence of emotional distress (depression, anxiety, hopelessness, fear, anger, sudden mood shifts, isolation/withdrawal, recklessness, etc.)
Intrusive thoughts and/or statements of suicidal intention or ideation (“I don’t have a reason to live” or “I keep thinking people would be better off without me”)
Seeking access to means or having access to items such as firearms, pills, sharp objects.
Having a plan or contemplating a plan for attempting suicide.
If you are personally struggling, I want to be the one to tell you, I am in it with you. Please reach out to those in your circle and/or call the Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for support.
Resources & References:
My Mental Health: Do I Need Help? (via nimh.nih.gov) https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/my-mental-health-do-i-need-help
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/
https://www.anthemofhope.com
https://www.nami.org
http://www.suicidology.org.
www.christiancounselor.network
Follow Carley:
Website | Instagram | Facebook
To access more content and join my monthly email list for the latest episodes and info, visit my website at carleymarcouillier.com
Episode Image Credit: Getty/Ponomariova_Maria
Hey everyone! Today is a special episode because you won't just be hearing from me. My special guest today is my clinical mentor, colleague and friend, Jen Robinson Guerin.
Jen is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Director of Blackwater Counseling in Lynchburg, VA and specializes in Perinatal Mood/Anxiety Disorders (PMAD), Adoption-Competent Therapist, Mindfulness and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Trauma-Informed Care, Certification in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT).
Today we are going to dive into the top 10 reasons to go to therapy, mainly because I believe there is still such a stigma with seeking support and especially in the Christian community.
The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. - Proverbs 20:5
Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. - Proverbs 11:14
“If I must boast I will boast of things that show my weakness.“ - 2 Corinthians 11:30
We were not meant to walk through life in isolation. Scripture tells us to seek counsel, to confess sin to others, and to carry the burdens of our brothers and sisters.
Here Are the Top 10 Reasons for Exploring Therapy:
1. Gain self-awareness
2. Evaluate emotional health needs
3. Explore relational dynamics/patterns - “Jesus may be in your heart but grampa is in your bones”
4. Improve emotional awareness “I react but I want to learn how to respond"
5. Address distress related to transitions, trauma, tough seasons
6. Receive support from an unbiased perspective
7. Gain insight into problematic behaviors/ habits/ addictions
8. Decrease stress
9. Increase coping strategies
10. Identify the root cause of symptoms such as anxiety, depression, etc.
Next Steps:
So, maybe you are feeling a little more open to the idea of therapy. When it comes to acknowledging our need for support, we can feel guilt, shame, fear, etc. but having sat on both sides of the counselling room I cannot tell you how powerful the process of practicing vulnerability and honesty is. As a therapist I am changed and challenged by each brave soul that sits across from me because I am on this journey right alongside you.
So what's the next step:
• Looking for a good fit
• Asking questions
• Embrace the suck
Websites: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
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I am so excited to jump back into important conversations that influence our perspectives. Over the next several episodes I want to dive into several topics surrounding mental health and its impact on our perspectives of ourselves, others, and God. Over the years, within both my ministry and clinical experience, I have heard far too many stories that reflect the significant disconnect between our Christian living and emotional well-being. Maybe you too have experienced the distortions of religious culture and have been left with questions about how your theology informs your emotional experiences through life.
In today’s episode, I want to look at 4 myths you may still believe about mental health, and offer an integrative perspective that may help us to advance both the gospel and our emotional stewardship.
Myth 1: Christians Should Not Struggle with Emotional Distress
Myth 2: Mental Health Is Not Mentioned in Scripture
Myth 3: Feelings Don’t Matter to God
Myth 4: Distress Is a Form of Spiritual Immaturity
Here is what we know: Our feelings matter to God; we can have faith despite fears and; support is available to us through God’s work in and through the lives of helping professionals and our Church community. My hope is that we, as a generation of believers, can step out and start talking about how we actually feel, without fear of rejection or judgment. I pray that we will continue to dispute the lies our culture has adopted, learn to listen well, acknowledging the pain experienced by those around us, and press on, heavenward.
Join me next week with a special guest, Jen Robinson Gueren, LPC, we will be discussing the top 10 reasons to go to therapy!
If You Know Someone in Crisis
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Lifeline) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or text the Crisis Text Line (text HELLO to 741741). Both services are free and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. All calls are confidential.
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How do we apply God’s truth – this divine knowledge of God’s power, through Scripture, to our daily lives?
Tools to Access the Power of God’s Truth to Our Lives:
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Capture the Thought. Just because we think it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because we feel it, doesn’t mean it’s true.
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Bring the Thought to Truth – What Does God’s Word Say about My Current Thoughts?
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Pause with God’s perspective through prayers, praise music, medications, or affirmations.
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Claim victory in what God has done. We do not live to earn God’s grace and love but with it!
Other Principles that Carley unpacks in this episode:
- Exploring the truth of our God-given purpose over popular perspectives
- Remember 3 Practices: belong, abide, bring glory
- 3 Steps to Reframing our faith
- Addressing Relational Conflict with the Wisdom of God’s Word
- Rules for Relationships: If we don't repair it, we will repeat it.
- CALM : connect, Assess, Listen, and maintain
- Naming and holding space for our pain
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To access more content and join my monthly email list for the latest episodes and info, visit my website at carleymarcouillier.com
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The impact of pain is a lot like that wave!
We have all been wounded by this world and the scars we carry tell a story- one which can powerfully influence our perspective.
It takes our breath away and leaves us with questions that reach beyond psychological explanations. It is in these dark times, we are forced to face our feelings rather than reframe them. We are called to cultivate courage, rest upon resilience, and make meaning out of lost memories.
How we each choose to do this work differs from one another yet our process is most often aligned in seeking to find the answers to the question “Why?”
We call this distress, the friction of loss which propels us into the process of grieving.
Through my own grieving, I have been brought to the humbling reality that pain is a part of my story that cannot be avoided or undone.
It must be heard. It must be felt.
Pain left unfelt will surely strangle our souls, steal our joy, and suffocate our spirits. It is here, with the choice to press in or push away, our perspectives of pain are formed.
Let's choose to widen our lens and broaden our focus of faith.
As author John Green so poetically stated, “The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that. The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. It hurts because it mattered. And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t end, that it won’t get better. Because it will.”
There are four primary sources of suffering found in scripture.
1.Pain resulting from our sinfulness
2.The pain we experience from the sinfulness of others
3.Pain resulting from the fallenness of the world
4.The pain we experience for the sake of the gospel
There are also four steps in a pathway to make meaning of our experiences.
- Hold space for your pain.
- Name your pain.
- Pursue prayer.
- Press into the “and” – where we experience both pain and God’s promise.
Episode References Concepts from Theology for Better Counseling by Virginia Todd Holeman
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If there is one thing I know we all have in common, it is that we have all experienced relational conflict. Regardless of age, race, gender, religion, our common frame of interpersonal conflict connects us. We are all people who have problems.
In most cases, our interpersonal patterns have roots in our family of origin. Our upbringing largely and early experiences significantly impact how we perceive and pursue all other relationships. One way we can begin to explore these patterns is by identifying the roles and rules assigned to us within our families and how they impact our relational and emotional functioning. Within our family system framework, we learn how to communicate, handle stress, cope with strong emotions, and solve conflicts.
Reflection Questions that I unpack in this episode:
1. Rules: What were the unspoken rules you lived by in your family of origin?
2. Roles: What was the role(s) you took on in your family of origin?
There are 3 overarching areas of our interpersonal relationships that are impacted by our family of origin or our experiences. Carley breaks each of these down:
Communication
Emotions
Conflict
… and explains how we can reframe these, using skills and practices found in Scripture, and can begin repairing our relational hurts and renew our outlook on the people around us.
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Have you ever felt like God has broken his promises to you? Me too! So how do we trust God when the reality of our experiences makes it hard?
Growing up, I had learned about the many promises of God. Yet without even realizing it, I had somehow replaced God’s truth with my faulty perspective. Consequently, the expectations I held lacked substance when my reality seemed to reflect the absence of God’s presence rather than the abundance of His promises.
We believe God promises comfort, yet we mourn.
We believe God promises peace, yet we worry.
We believe God promises hope, yet we feel hopeless.
We believe God promises love, yet we experience loss.
What have we missed? Where have our perspectives gone wrong?
Looking back to God’s Word, we can begin to reframe our shattered views and build a firm foundation for a faith that regulates our feelings while boldly believing in God’s unchanging nature.
It’s important that we deconstruct the abstract concept of “God’s promises.”
Here is the simple reality: We are promised, Christ. Nothing more, nothing less.
ALL of God’s promises throughout Scripture point to the sufficiency and supremacy of the Triune God.
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Have you ever asked yourself, “What is my purpose?” Whether or not you’ve asked that specific question to yourself, all of us seek to figure out that for which we are made.
As much as we crave intention and purpose, many of us feel like we lack it or can’t grasp it. And in the Christian culture, sometimes that purpose gets distorted.
With those thoughts in mind, Carley starts today’s episode with this question: What motivates you? From there, she uses this question as a roadmap to find purpose and fulfillment.
Places We (Wrongly) Find Purpose:
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The World’s “Do It All” Mentality - While this can feel empowering, it is totally unrealistic. So we’re constantly repeating a pattern of failing and beating ourselves up for it.
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Christian Works Culture - Also pressures our purpose, emphasizing our works over worship, our service over Christ’s sufficiency. In this context, self-improvement becomes our motivation. This runs contrary to the gospel, which clearly tells us our sanctification is found in and through Christ. The impact is clear: we work on mission and vision without internal transformation.
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Our Unique Personality - Our unique personalities can pressure our perspectives. Carley discusses the three main types of personality - perfectionism, performance, or passiveness - and how these personalities can warp our purpose.
Truth’s Perspective on Purpose:
1. Belonging to Christ
2. Abiding in Christ
3. Bringing Christ glory
You can find more on the topic of Purpose on Carley's site.
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A.W. Tozer once stated, “What comes to mind when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” This is the Power of Perspective. Each of us has a unique outlook that shapes our view of God, ourselves, and the world. A perspective is simply a specific viewpoint. Much like a camera, a perspective is built upon a unique frame, focus, and filter. The most powerful aspect of one’s perspective is that it directly orients their thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors.
The 3 Parts of Our Perspective:
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A Frame - Much like the frame of the camera, our perspective works within the limitations of the knowledge available to us. It’s within this frame we see only what is within our perception, unaware of what is right outside the border.
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A Filter - This is our internal bias. This is made up of our past experiences or our personal values, which greatly influence how we see the world, ourselves, others and God. Filters significantly impact our perspective, what is seen or not seen.
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A Focus - This is the most important aspect of forming our perspective. It is largely influenced by the messages we have received in the past, our formative experiences. Unfortunately, our perspectives are not always grounded in truth and often fueled by distortion, irrational beliefs and distortions.
In this first episode of the podcast, Carley shares her own personal journey of faith and her passion for creating connections between biblical theology and the practical steps found in the themes of therapy.
If know our perspectives are often distorted, what do we do? How do we realign our faith and our feelings? This is where reframing our thoughts is so vitally important. Carley unpacks how can we begin to do this in our daily lives.
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