Baltimorons: Recent Episodes
Sam Dingman & Alan Smith
Baltimorons is Baseball Things, considered. An always passionate, frequently irreverent, and occasionally factual weekly romp through the wild world of O's baseball, adulthood, fandom in general. Join hosts Sam Dingman and Alan Smith, expatriate Birdbrains clinging to their orange torch in the wilds of New York City, as they marvel at the endless wonders of the cosmic narrative, from Baltimore to Brooklyn and beyond.
In the wake of the Mancini and Lopez trades, we ponder whether or not we can truly claim the moniker of all-weather fans.
The Right Honorable Judge Marko returns to the broadcast booth to contend with Sam and Alan's firehouse of nickname guffery in this, the definitive listing of nicknames for your 2022 Baltimore Orioles.
Alan and Sam ponder our grave national obsession with oligarchy - which is, as usual, very related to Baltimore Orioles baseball, we swear.
The Morons celebrate the original groundhog, Don Buford, consider the legacy of Brady (not the one you're thinking of), and cower in fear at the speed of Miguel Cabrera's hands. Got thoughts? Tweet 'em: @bmorons. Thanks for listening!
The Morons try to figure out why fans tend to sympathize with owners during labor disputes, and then remember that the answer is a deep-rooted American rot that can probably never be resolved! PLUS: Alan requests your submissions on A Thing (no it's not the Nickname Episode, but stay tuned for updates on that!).
The Morons return with a series of unfortunate updates on the state of sports ownership, the legacy of Nick Markakis, and their recent discovery of podcasting's market inefficiency.
Introducing the first episode in a Baltimore-centric audio documentary murder mystery that Sam recently released as part of the new season of Family Ghosts. When a man goes missing from his office in Curtis Bay in 1987, his daughter sets off on a 25-year quest to figure out what happened to him. If you like what you hear, find Parts 2 and 3 in the main Family Ghosts feed!
Have we already had an episode called "Swamp Monster?" That feels likely. WHAT TO DO WITH CHRIS DAVIS, FRIENDS? We talk about it. Also, in a typically unconvoluted manner, we discuss The Nature of True Progress, and why the 2019 Orioles are IT, BABY.
Your favorite sporadically-produced podcast about your favorite sporadically-talented team is...well, not back, really, but here is a new episode, of a kind. The questions: who had the worse 2018 - Donald Trump or the Orioles? And should ballparks be more like the Alamo Drafthouse?
Once again: dozens of horrible puns, half-baked explanations, and crackpot political theories. Plus: JT Gwozdz with actual good ideas.
Is it safe to podcast again? Why do we baseball in Trump's America? Should Dylan Bundy throw the cutter? Argh.
Here they are, in all their, um, glory isn't the right word, uh - anyway, here's a whole bunch of ill-considered nicknames. We are once again joined by the steely-eyed and solemn-hearted Judge Marko, who, as is his wont, refuses to take any guff. Unfortunately, as is OUR wont, that's all we've got for him.
Relive the O's delicious 11-3 victory over Oakland with Sam and Alan - and recall how unlikely said victory was looking in the early-going. Other topics discussed: why the Orioles can't hit junkballers, whether Matt Wieters is a lost cause, what we should order for lunch, how much longer we can put up with Jonesy's slump, the color pink, and much much more.
Ben Masten joins us to talk about the Yankees offseason, and the generally cavalier attitude towards starting pitching in the American League East. Plus: why urrbody so angry?
Sure sure, hooray Chris Davis, yahoo, whatever. Who in the name of Blue-Eyed-Jimmy-Palmer is going to PITCH, dammit?!
Kicking off 2016 by getting fired up about a number of topics, including (but not limited to): "The Big Short," HOF balloting, druncles, #FeelingTheBern (or #NotFeelingTheBern), and stadium funding. So, a pretty typical episode, really.
We ponder the implications of the Winter Meetings, the Republican Party, and the deleterious effect that each has on our sanity at this, the most wonderful time of the year.
In which the dastardly Nick Markovich challenges us to The Game of Games of Games, which involves Orioles trivia and disgusting jelly beans.
In which we return from a prolonged hiatus to discover a harrowing set of offseason quandaries and a heartfelt plea from a Mets fan to throw our loyalties to his cause.
As the Orioles wrestle with the decision to buy or sell at the deadline, we examine the pros and cons of both approaches. Plus: Ben Adams (Slate) on baseball's rapidly-evolving media strategy.
A wide-ranging conversation with Charlie Hoppes (of the dearly-departed Orioles Spastics podcast), covering the latest developments in Charlie's sleepwear, Charlie's thoughts on Game of Thrones, Charlie's dating life, and the Orioles midseason prognosis.
The Morons resume the road, with a sincere apology (and explanation) from Sam for the prolonged delay. Dave McKenna (Deadspin) joins us to explain why Peter Angelos didn't do as good a deed as he was given credit for after the Freddie Gray protests. PLUS: Shakespeare presages the latest Bundy Troubles.
Craig Calcaterra (NBC's Hardball Talk) joins us to talk about baseball's stodgy corporate culture, how to be a fresh voice in an increasingly stale media environment, and why the Expos are the In-N-Out Burger of baseball. Find Craig on Twitter @craigcalcaterra.
The Ryan Webb Franchise Report investigates the Chris Davis's rapidly-deteriorating ability to make contact, the rash of recent injuries, and offers praise to the city of Tampa Bay for its Baltimore impression. Sarah Estrella laments the demise of McCoy Stadium in Pawtucket. PLUS: essayist Matt Fried bids a fond farewell to the Cliff Lee Era in Philadelphia.
We're joined by Travis Waldron (Think Progress) to consider the multitude of issues raised by the week's events in Baltimore, and to wonder how we, baseball in general, and America can do better.
At long last! The much-anticipated 2015 Nickname Show, complete with overcomplicated puns and lots of giggling. Every player on the current 40-man roster gets a nickname, except weirdos like Oliver Drake, because really?
Alan files a remote report from the nether regions of North Carolina on the experience of missing out on all the #OpeningWeek #Excitement.
Sam and Alan lament the murky future of Matt Wieters but celebrate the burgeoning expanding around concussions in the NFL. Chris Luther joins us to bravely attempt to make wrestling sound interesting. PLUS: Henry Urrutia gets sexy.
The ideas are even more dangerous than usual this week, as Mina Kimes (ESPN The Magazine) joins us to advocate for government regulation of the professional sports leagues, and explains why that will NOT end up turning them all into Time Warner Cable. Plus: the Larry Bigbie Franchise Report tries to figure out, among other things, whether or not this is finally the Year of Machado.
The Nelson Cruz Franchise Report considers the legacies of Tom Brady and Craig Biggio, Mike Petriello (Fangraphs, Mike Sciosia's Tragic Illness) joins us to talk about the Orioles possibly-shrewd acquisition of Travis Snider, and Ben Masten casts Sam in the greatest role he's ever played: Alex Rodriguez's PR flunky Wheedly Smedlap.
As the Dan Duquette Departure Drama fades (hopefully) into the rear-view mirror, Sam and Alan endeavor to pick up the pieces and look ahead with just two weeks left before pitchers and catchers report.
We consider our emotions, as well as those of Charlie Hoppes, late of the Orioles Spastics podcast. Plus: Dan sings!
A hearty salute to umpire Dale Scott, who recently declared himself "out at home." A requiem for Nick Markakis. Some undeserved bragging about our subtle understanding of the current Orioles roster, and a rare in-studio visit from Dan Duquette.
Sam and Alan invite noted baseball expert Nick Markovich to Hootenanny Studios for a spirited discussion on the game's many imperfections.
Sam and Alan debate the emotional highs and lows of the 2014 season, urge calm about the Chris Davis situation, and wonder why America is better at voting for MLB All-Stars than it is at electing congressional representatives and presidents.
On our last audio liveblog, we chronicled the gradual unfolding of the single greatest moment at Oriole Park at Camden Yards in 17 years: the clinching of the AL East by the 2014 O's.
Somewhere at the other end of the spectrum lies...whatever this is.
A pregame show of sorts for Game 3 of the 2014 ALDS. We discuss, among other things, the historical illusions of Delmon Young, the Ned Yost debate, and why baseball is somehow better than participatory democracy, despite being way less participatory.
In light of 2014's division triumph, we ponder the legacy of the last AL East champion Orioles, which leads to a fairly damning assessment of the 1997 editions of your humble hosts. PLUS: the odd phenomenon of being congratulated by friends and acquaintances for the Orioles' success, and the correct way to feel about Jetermania.
Let's be realistic - none of us was thinking about anything (baseball-related or otherwise) this week besides the O's clinching the AL East. For episode 107, we decided to liveblog our emotions as we watched the Birds pulverize the Jays to capture the 2014 division crown. This episode is messy, a little weird, and full of guest appearances that keep the train on the rails just when you think it's about to jump the tracks for good. You know, a lot like the 2014 Orioles.
Ben Masten joins us to offer an actual Yankee fan's perspective on the Derek Jeter Farewell Roadshow, as well as the Bombers' potentially bleak outlook going forward. He also explains why he has not yet found a wife on MLB Singles Powered By Match Dot Com. The Andy Van Slyke Franchise Report talks JJ Hardy, WAR, and Ray Rice. PLUS: Alan receives a mysterious visit from an old friend.
Rosters have expanded, which means it's time to update the official 2014 Oriole nickname list. Plus: the Jake Fox Franchise Report looks at Chris Davis's inability to beat the shift, Jonathan Schoop's opaque future, and Buck Showalter's lineup juggling.
As in "Macha" and "Ubal." We talk about their respective extinctions, the role of luck in the O's success over the last 3 seasons, and check in with Andy Livingston (Impose Magazine) about the positively repulsive state of the sporting union.
As the trade deadline barrels towards us at top speed, we look at the Orioles options for improvement on an already very-good team, and also applaud Major League Baseball for its stance on net neutrality...which is a weird thing to find ourselves doing.
Gauging the bluster of the tradwinds, marveling at the idiocy of the Yankees' Chase Headley acquisition, lamenting Tony Dungy's remarks (and their subsequent distortion), and some Orioles-themed slam poetry.
Sam and Alan enjoy some bourbon as they answer your questions on the Orioles midseason status, opportunities for the second half, and the team's connection to particle physics.
In the 100th episode of Baltimorons, we celebrate the top 100 reasons to be an Orioles fan.
In which we prove that Travis Ishikawa is a warlock, check in on a live broadcast of the rubber match in a 3-game set between the Modesto Moon Pirates and the Afton Oracles, discuss Alan's Portugal-induced heartbreak, and oh yeah, some baseball stuff.
Ted Berg (USA Today) joins us to talk about tempering maturity expectations for the Manny Machados of the world, Alan recalls a famous tariff of yesteryear, and tears are shed for Matt Wieters. PLUS: the triumphant return of the Baltimorons Culture Corner.
Alan is too busy being excited about soccer to allow for any baseball talk, but Sam manages to squeeze in an exciting announcement regarding our next live broadcast.
Alan celebrates the legacy of Woody Guthrie, guest writer Jen Adams makes a generous contribution to human punderstanding, and Dan Duquette stops by to share a review of "Bull Durham."
Alan calls out the American moment with particular urgency, the Sendy Rleal Franchise Report looks at All-Star Game voting with a dubious eyebrow-raise, our geusts Paul and Jake from Ballometrics endeavor to bring the sabrmetric ruckus to the basketball court, and the harrowing future of advanced statistcal analysis rears its hideous head.
The Martin Luther Franchise Report has important information regarding your Friday night plans this week.
Alan ruminates on the connection between baseball and Hindu mythology, and our lawyer advises us of some new content guidelines in the wake of last week's podcast crackdown by A Certain Professional Sports Organization. We also chat with sportswriter and self-described "recovering lawyer" Wendy Thurm, who has some sharp insights on said crackdown (unlike our lawyer, who mostly communicates via text message). Plus: the shadowy origins of Dr. James Andrews medical practice.
Legendary sportswriter Pat Jordan joins us to talk about his recent Buck Showalter profile in Sports on Earth, Tim Nguyen talks about his bold quest to crowdsource the funds to purchase the Clippers from Donald Sterling, Alan reveals the strong influence of the occult in professional baseball, and a truly awful fish pun.
We remember the glory days of Randy Milligan, try to convince Alan that he should care about the National League, viciously beat the corpse of the Donald Sterling horse (including commentary from an actual Clippers fan), and talk to Padraic Lillis, the artistic director of the Farm Theater (thefarmtheater.org).
The Melvin Mora Franchise Report reminds us of its namesake's remarkable contributions during his 10-year tenure in Baltimore, and also covers the Orioles current third base woes, not to mention Cuba's role on the global stage. Sam and Alan also bid a fond farewell to one of the three Mets fans they know, and crack open the Hootenanny Studios Time Capsule for a Seventh Inning Sketch from a couple years ago that has proved remarkably not-prescient.
The Morons celebrate the proud legacy of Buddy Groom, salute the welcome certainty of the 90 foot distance between the bases, help Ben Masten create an MLB Singles (powered by Match.com) profile, and announce our first-ever corporate sponsor.
Sam and Alan attempt to process the various ups and downs of the first week of the 2014 season, and play a recording from Peter Angelos's secret audio diary.
Our annual tradition continues! The Morons bring you a complete list of convenient and hilarious nicknames for each player on the Orioles 25 man roster. The discussion is moderated by our friend Jen, whose loyalties, it turns out, are for sale. Plus, a special edition of the Seventh Inning Sketch from Old Time Family Baseball's Michael Clair.
Sam and Alan explain baseball to a skeptical friend, review the latest literary works of particular relevance to All-Weather Fans, and marvel at the ongoing idiocy of Dan Snyder.
The Morons check in from a moving rental car in sunny Sarasota, sharing their observations about America's most pendulous state as well as the youngsters fighting for roster spots in Orioles camp.
Baltimore native and jetpack expert Mac Montandon stops by Hootenanny Studios to talk about the fateful day he attened an open tryout for the Orioles. He now writes about jetpacks for a living, so you can perhaps guess how well that turned out. We also fondly recall the magic of Tito Landrum, and address the latest brushfires of news from spring training camp.
The Bugle's Andy Zaltzman joins us for a spirited rumination on the nature of tyranny, why sports are preferable to real life, and the potential for Derek Jeter to find a second career as a cricket player. Plus: Alan takes the "Terminator" series of films to task, the Todd Frohwirth Franchise Report looks at the Johan Santana signing and its accompanying ethical issues, and the Morons announce the winners of the 2013 Hot Stove Oscars.
We welcome 2013 MLB Fan Cave Dweller April Whitzman, who dishes on the life in the Cave and provides words of caution for O's fans who think we're simply going to Cruz into October. Speaking of Nelly, The Larry Harlow Franchise Report examines the implications of his presence in a vocally anti-PED clubhouse. Alan marvels at the onset of late-winter insanity across the globe, and Sam provides a much-needed reminder about the secret strength of Orioles fans, which is, of course, puns.
Alan reveals the historical origins of baseball as we know it, we apologize for ever doubting Dan Duquette, and Sam shares a personal story from his youth, a testament to the mostly-discarded magic of the sports page.
The Morons welcome Baseball Prospectus Editor in Chief Ben Lindbergh for an in-depth look at the Orioles' approach to the free agent market, as well as the evolution of the role of advanced statistical metrics in team strategy. They also sing a song, pay tribute to the proud legacy of Wayne Krenchiki, and remember a curious historical incident involving the Sioux Falls Jackanapes and a sandwich board.
A jam-packed show this week, featuring an exciting experiment in community organizing for Orioles fans, a fond farewell to Chris Jakubauskas, the complicated legacy of Madonna, and our loving tribute to the brilliant "Welcome to Night Vale" podcast.
MASN's Roch Kubatko joins us for a much-needed reality check about the State of the Union in Moron Nation, and the Whitey Lockman Franchise Report covers AJ Burnettt, the troubling realities of WAR, and unionized college athletes. Plus: an exclusive preview of the upcoming film "Unmasked Justice," starring Matt Wieters.
Alan ponders the cultural legacy of Elvis Presley, the Al Pardo Franchise Report examines a curious aspect of the US tax code, Joelle Gamble talks about politics with an intelligence not befitting the program's proud tradition, and we listen to a broadcast of a game between the Phantom City Muskellunges and the Winnetonka Spacemen.
The Ed Barnowski Franchise Report looks at internet sleuthing and Delmon Young; Alan expresses mild opinions about the recently-announced film adaptation of "1984," Ben Masten tries to pretend it's a rough time to be a Yankee fan, and J. Wellington Scrimshire presents "Hotstove Theatre."
A voyage in to the nether regions of the moronic mind, featuring ruminations on climate change, wizardry (aka Greg Maddux), the Orioles' automotive profile, and a Special Comment on the current state of the National Football League.
The dysfunction of the Orioles offseason reaches a fever pitch, and Sam and Alan are growing increasingly concerned that the whole thing is just an elaborate and ill-conceived parody of "The Music Man." Plus, Michael Clair (Baseball Prospectus, Old Time Family Baseball) calls in to discuss his ongoing amazingness.
A thorough examination of the Duquette Doctrine, with much discussion of the Orioles' apparent lack of offseason ambition, an investigative report on the whereabouts of the Orioles Spastics, and Dan Duquette himself as the musical guest.
The stove is piping hot, and the Morons are accordingly all fired up. Much discussion of the recent flurry of trade activity, an in-depth discussion of the MLB Fan Cave experience with 2013 Dweller Nick Mendillo, and a free agent cautionary tale in musical form.
Marcel Proust, agrarian economic principles, and nostalgia for the more innocent days of the physical sports page. Almost no Orioles talk this week, but you should be expecting that at this point.
Bullpen coach discrimination, new stadium nonsense, and a strategy of radical pragmatism regarding next year's starting rotation. Plus, a Special Comment from Alan Smith.
Episode 70 arrives in your feed replete with trenchant observations on the role of narrative in baseball, whether or not buying hats with World Series patches is lame, sincere appreciation for French culture, and a damn sonnet to boot.
The thrilling conclusion to our 2013 season wrap-up, featuring Charlie Hoppes (Orioles Spastics), Cal from the OBP Podcast, and musical guest Charlie Hoppes.
Sam and Alan recap the 2013 season with a cavalcade of guests from the Baltimore Sports Network and beyond. Featuring the triumphant return of Dan Duquette!
Sam and Alan leave their customary format (which you could argue isn't really there in the first place) behind for a more free-flowing, emotion-driven episode, in which they ponder the deeper implications of Manny's knee injury, the ever-dangerous Expectations Game, and try to pinpoint the exact location of the Buck Showalter Blame Line.
The lurid pornography of the Red Sox lineup, potential offseason free agent targets for Dan Duquette & co, and a brand new segment: "Mike Bordick's Best in the Game."
Baltimorons welcomes a pair of Charlies to the phone lines for a typically trenchant episode. Topics covered include: competitive eating, pennant race attendance at Oriole Park, production with RISP (or lack thereof), NFL ass-hattery, the Pirates' first winning season in 20 years, laughing at traffic accidents, and Phil Collins.
A many-splendored show this week, in which we ponder the legacy of Cassius Clay, the future of Chris Tillman, and the quiet genius of Dan Duqette. Also, Alan explains how football works to Sam.
One week ago, Sam and Alan made bold predictions about how the Orioles would be doing entering this evening's play. They were predictably incorrect about most of things, but thankfully also scored an interview with the mysterious man known as "O's Sunglass Guy," who lightens the otherwise somber mood.
Sam and Alan talk instant replay and unpack the complicated legacy of Henry Urrutia's brief tour of duty as Occoasional Designated Hitter. Plus, Matt Fried calls in to lament the sad tale of Charlie Manuel.
Sam and Alan talk blown saves, blowing winds of change, and doublethink. They are joined by guest Neil DeMause, co-author of the book "Field of Schemes," which chronicles the massive corruption and deception that too often accompany the construction of professional sports stadiums.
A lot of shows are talking A-Rod and BioGenesis this week, but only the Baltimorons are doing so in combination with a modern-day adaptation of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," as composed by Dan Duquette. Plus, your tweets and emails!
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Sam and Alan land yet another phone interview with Dan Duquette, who offers a trading deadline postmortem, as well as his views on the United States education system. Plus, an exciting announcement about the future of the show!
This week's title is remarkably pun-free! Ben Kabak joins us to look ahead at the second half of the 2013, and we endeavor to predict what only fate can truly know for sure.
Sam and Alan are joined once again by Orioles Executive VP of Baseball Operations Dan Duquette. They discuss the acquisition of Scott Feldman, take on the fierce debate about the value of no-hitters, talk a little Aldous Huxley, and listen to a lullaby sung by Fred Manfra.
A Baltimorons Special Report (TM) on the topic of baseball ownership and it's often astounding levels of evil.
Sam and Alan land two huge interviews: Lucas Heppner, who runs the Orioles Nation Official Facebook page, and Executive VP of Baseball Operations Dan Duquette. One of them goes better than the other.
Alan meditates on the historical significance of Joe Dimaggio's hitting streak and laments the dearth of exciting nicknames in the modern era, and then Sam ruins the episode with a staggering amount of gutter-talk. PLUS: A FUN AND EXCITING POLL FOR YOU TO VOTE IN.
Sam and Alan are joined by the Orioles Spastics crew to create what scientists believe is the first-ever Orioles starting lineup comprised entirely of characters from Arrested Development.
Global politics, horrendous puns, and Jacques Cousteau collide in the latest edition of Baltimorons! So, pretty much a typical episode. Plus, Sam and Alan are joined by New York Times best-selling author and Grantland columnist Jonah Keri to discuss Chris Davis, Peter Angelos, and BioGenesis!
Alan and Sam explore their feelings on some promising statistical trends for the Birds, the latest Biogenesis revelations, and the evergreen gimcrack industry.
Sam and Alan rap with Matt and Josh from the brand-new Section 336 podcast, another O's-focused hub of silliness that's been tearing up the iTunes of late. They also ponder whether to Cliff or not to Cliff, come down considerably from last week's Gausmania, and get a little Trotsky-tastic (Leon, not Hal) on some recent baseball-related political kerfuffles.
Sam and Alan muster appropriate (and inappropriate) excitement for the imminent arrival of Kevin Gausman, and, as usual, do their best to foster international goodwill via Orioles podcast.
Sam and Alan wonder if the Orioles are in fact building the formations of the next great Orioles dynasty, or just toying with their emotions. Kelsey Shea Weinrich calls in to discuss how Morons should comport themselves should said dyansty ever turn up. PLUS: Sam and Alan politely decline the papacy.
Sam and Alan learn to speak Bawlmerese, courtesy of the fine chaps at Bird's Eye View, another excellent Orioles podcast which is actually based in Baltimore, unlike our sham of an operation. Scientology, world hunger, fire engines, and Freddy Garcia are also discussed at great length.
An episode devoted to Dionysian desires, primarily DEM FOODS. Our guest Jay Ducote, host of the Bite and Booze radio show (and Sam's fellow MLB Fan Cave finalist) joins us to share his customized AL West-themed five-course meal, which prompts Sam and Alan to propose an AL East counterpart, with far less delicious results.
Alan and Sam are joined by WNYC radio luminary Brian Lehrer, who for some reason agrees to take a very silly quiz and also waxes philosophical about baseball's mystical allure. The Morons also ponder the Orioles current pitching woes and wonder if Matt Wieters will ever take that last step forward.
Sam and Alan uncover Gary Thorne's secret identity, speculate as to that of Conor Jackson, and chat with David Temple, creator and host of the very fine "Stealing Home" podcast.