The Alchemist Club Podcast: Recent Episodes
thealchemistsclub
A #DnD5e A.P. Podcast set in the world that Hatched. Five characters try to survive after being imprisoned by a mysterious cult. But, that is only the beginning…
Winnies to un-quarantine, undead beef to cleanse…and Rex behaving even stranger than usual: things are never quite normal in Tombstone.
Hot on the riverbed trail of Tombstone’s terrible doctor, Mason and Doc descend into the depths to put an end to his patchwork malpractice. Meanwhile, there’s beef.
Tombstone’s midnight justice continues; the party goes looking for a wayward doctor with an unsettling hobby, and finds far more than they bargained for.
As the light fades from Father O’Conner’s finishing display, science is already hard at work delving into the secrets of the Homunculus’ lair…and that which lies beneath it.
Shaken to their core by the discovery under the doctor’s office, the team springs into action. A list of targets, and a simple plan: shoot anyone they know is already dead.
With a slew of exciting new leads, the Consortium sets their sights on this “Homunculus” at the heart of the conspiracy. Meanwhile, Rex takes a dive into the sordid secrets of the town’s most suspicious taxidermy aficionado.
Mason’s demon-trap catches an intruder, and the crew stumbles upon an old face from the Consortium’s past.
After a booming explosion rolls across the rooftops of Tombstone, CSI: Consortium is on the case.
With their scientifically reinforced arsenal ready, the consortium delves into the mines once more to put an end to its troubles.
Confronted with more Tommyknockers than you can shake a Rizzler at, the group re-groups and decides to get a better look at what they’re up against.
After the unfortunate and unavoidable disintegration of a chef, the party scrambles to solve their most difficult quest yet: lunch for a pack of children.
In the wake of a divine blizzard, the Consortium goes skinwalker-hunting: The Tombstone Home For The Parentally Deficient will never be the same.
The greatest circle-drawers in the West awaken to a full complimentary breakfast…and an unexpected face at the skillet.
A quick decision turns a bull-killing into a circle-scribing expedition, and the local Creatures of Uncertain Pronunciation take great offense.
The crew + 2 head for the sight of a foul ritual. What devilry lies inside a bull’s circle, and how can they keep it from fouling all of Tombstone?
As night falls over Tombstone once more, a new trouble catches the eye of the Consortium.
What do you do when your friends and family might be a flesh-eating, potato-crazed shapeshifter? Wet handshakes, squirty clown flowers, and weather control machines.
With dastardly shapechangers lurking ‘mongst the folk of Tombstone, the brightest minds of the church and Consortium band together to figure out how best to go squirting holy water into everyone’s face.
Victor Langstrom’s company picnic arrives at last. Within the palisades of the Tombstone Fortress, folks gather for a spot of hope amid the dark and fear…and others prepare a dark plot.
The trap is set, and the patchwork folk come out to play; these piecemeal predators aren’t content with the simple shamble of the common dead, and it’s a dead-sprint mayhem in the streets!
Folks in Tombstone are a thrifty bunch, not one to waste; but when the restless dead start getting stitched together instead of an old torn pair of trousers, the Consortium steps in to set things right.
First up on the long list of no-good supernatural what-have-you’s terrorizing the town: A boogeyman haunting city hall. With their newest member reluctantly in tow, they prepare for a showdown with childhood terror.
Freed from a mystical vortex, the Consortium’s elite team must come to grips with what’s happened to the town in their unexpected absence…and who’s left to stand against the dark creeping in.
In a blink, everything is different. In a blink, everything that was slips away. What in tarnation is going on in the town of Tombstone?
An unexpected visitor to Tombstone rattles onlookers and puts a pause on the showdown between riches and denim.
With his reputation on the line and a juggernaut of True Denim in the ring, a last minute scramble attempts to tip a gunfight-turned-duel in Garfield’s favor.
The trap is sprung, and the Consortium comes face-to-partial-face with their fiendish foe at last.
Wickedness stirs in the waste. As the party investigates a profane ritual writ large across the lands, it all points back to a familiar rock and a familiar bird.
As the Consortium once again delves into the mysteries surrounding the vulture bluff and the Wandering Worm, they find more questions and precious few answers.
When a grave, mysterious threat against Tombstone comes to light, the Consortium’s finest race against the clock to rescue their boss.
Arson, missing children, and vultures etched into rock in the lonely stretches of land where a single misstep can send a man to his maker: just another day in the Deadlands.
After a brush with the restless dead, more trouble comes a-knockin’: something’s amiss past the outskirts of Tombstone, and wicked rumors in the ranches and scrubland have drawn the Consortium’s eye.
A stranger calls for aid on the dusty road beyond Tombstone, and the researchers of the Consortium (and Garfield and Mason) are duty-bound to answer. Sometimes, wayward souls need a little help staying dead.
The Consortium investigates the site of a supposed deal between the thievin’ Jenny Gang and a mysterious benefactor that funded their audacious bank robbery.
A bank robbery puts a pause on mayoral ambitions, and the members of Consortium spring into action.
Look to the west, where the law’s reach runs short and fear stalks the land like a mangy coyote. It’s high time Tombstone Arizona had a new mayor, and things are about to get weird.
Seven years after five fated strangers awakened in a dark, foul place, the great saga of the Hatchling is over. What secrets yet remain, and what’s next? Some ordinary people discuss.
Five stalwart companions enact their plan, audacious beyond reckoning: free the Hatchling, no matter the cost.
Woe unto any who would cage the world.
With an old friend at their side, the crew prepare their final answer to the proposal of the Five.
Face to face with the gods at last, five fate-touched heroes learn the truth about the machinations of the cosmos -- and the battle that awaits.
With the final preparations for Exodus complete, the party says their farewells and plans for a final, fateful ascent that will decide the fate of the world.
After Desmond plunges them into an unknown realm, the barons of the Wandering Tree set out to explore a strange new world and determine whether it will make a suitable home for Exodus.
Stranded in the Astral Sea by a terrible elevator experiment gone awry, the party sets out for exploration. Will they once more be forced to call upon the Yeetus Yeetus as an incomprehensible power awakens?
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In their search for a new home, the crew tries out some un-pressed buttons. What lies beyond the doors of the Aquilavator?
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All good things must come to pass, including Falrak’s relaxing beachside marital bliss. It’s time to reconvene the Barons.
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The newlyweds get some time to themselves, Ched and Tarajux enjoy a candlelit dinner, Leolin revisits an old friend, and Desmond asks to see the manager’s manager.
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Honored guests gather for the next chapter of Falrak’s firebrand romance to Amber; let there be doves, let there be song, let there be an average character level above 20 among the fey, liches, secret agents, and dragons in attendance.
What could go wrong?
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Tarajux revisits the Emperor to discuss Project Exodus, and Leolin tags along to visit the Prince.
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The Barons of the Wandering Tree seek an audience with ancient powers. Ched starts a collection, and Desmond tries his luck.
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A series of freak liquefaction events has the crew of Lenox-332 looking for answers. Can they track down the source of catastrophe before it’s too late?
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Welcome aboard GSA Lenox-332.
Estimated time to arrival at HD-40307 g: 182 years, 57 days, 12 hours
Reactor status: Yellow
Life support status: Yellow
Navigation status: ERROR, ERROR, ERROR UNKNOWN CONTACT
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A mysterious spectre of the wind pays a visit to one of the most powerful people on the continent. Will Jux stand with the Iconoclasts?
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Having shaken the worldview of an entire secret cabal, the crew delegates, experiments, and grapples with the truly monumental undertaking ahead.
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The party convenes a conference of grave importance; amid the greatest minds of the continent who oppose the True Church, the audacious Project Exodus is unveiled.
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Anchorstorm. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the treeship Teliferious. Her 300-episode mission: to seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where storm wizards have been stabbed before.
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As convictions harden, the barons of the Wandering Tree pay another visit to a forgotten god for a quick round of world-shaking revelations.
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With the last of the masks secure, (most of) the party convenes to decide the fate of some supreme cosmic power.
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Two old men settle their differences, and an object of grand cosmic power hangs in the balance.
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With one final mask between the party and phenomenal cosmic power, they head for Jux once more. Will Estio’s life be ruined for a third time? Will the Prince of Coin yield to the tender touch of diplomacy?
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Toiling under the yoke of the Aldraxan occupation, the spirit of the dwarves still smolders. Spark the flame, ignite the rebellion, and burn away the tyrants.
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The storm is unleashed, and the Barons of the Wandering Tree descend upon the capital of Aldrax.
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Face to face with the great orchestrator of the Aarakocra Grandpa Death Conspiracy, terrible secrets come to light -- and one man must face backwards and walk towards his destiny.
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With the mask of Tenebra safely in their hands, the party turns their sights towards the Cloudtop Aerie, grappling with the prospect of a traitor in Ched’s homeland.
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In the hall of the mountain king, an unassuming merchant and his very wet lizard attempt to dethrone a chosen emissary of the gods; what could go wrong?
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With Tarajux’s Clone Circus in tatters, the crew of Teliferous regroups to find their next victim.
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Things are not as they are. The universe lies askew, wobbling on its great axis, and there will be a reckoning for the errant hand which knocks it aside. Friends will burn, and foes draw near.
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After a long voyage, the crew returns at last to a familiar home, friendly faces, and a well-deserved rest.
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With the power of Veilbreaker fully unleashed, the party immediately uses it for the pettiest possible personal errands.
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Tarajux, Tarajux, Falrax, and Ched confront a mysterious treeship-stalker. Will they be able to outwit Aldrax’s finest?
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With Veilbreaker safely in-hand, the crew departs from the Dragonclaw Isles. What awaits them out over the open sky?
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In the aftermath of a terrible airship accident, the crew settles in to make some semi-casual decisions about mortality.
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As the heist devolves into classic Teliferous chaos, the heroes throw caution -- and themselves -- to the wind.
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With the metallic vault in peril, the crew dives into a battle with clever kobolds and their mysterious leader!
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Arriving at last to the grand draconic vaults where Veilbreaker awaits. But all is not as it seems in the halls of wealth…
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Their plea made, the crew awaits the verdict of the draconic council.
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on BlueSky and Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
The petty crime spree by nigh-omnipotent adventurers continues; will they be able to complete The List before the inevitable consequences of their actions?
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A firebrand speech from Aquila’s chosen draws all the wrong kinds of attention. Will impersonation, kidnapping, and threats be enough to set things right?
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A firebrand speech from Aquila’s chosen draws all the wrong kinds of attention. Will impersonation, kidnapping, and threats be enough to set things right?
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Go South, Young Gust! The party departs from Whiteclaw seeking more metallic climates; will a level 17 adventuring party be able to contend with the fiendish trials of staying at an inn?
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Learning’s not hard, when the library doesn’t require a card: our intrepid avians familiarize themselves with the Dragonclaw Isles. What awaits them next in this world of chromatic victory, metallic incursions, Tony Tony Tony Tony Tony’s, and dog-engulf-dog struggles for supremacy?
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Land ho! Faced with the prospect of an entire new continent and countless new kingdoms to be kicked out of, the party opts to employ the stealthiest of all creatures as they find their footing in the new world.
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Following Leolin down into the skywhale’s blowhole, the party embarks on the worst field trip ever.
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Our stalwart heroes set foot upon the sky’s great cetacean wanderer; what secrets lie within the Whaleforest?
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When scanners detect a concentrated magical anomaly, the bridge crew of Teliferous prepares an away team to the mysterious ruins below.
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All hands, prepare for launch! The last of the great treeships departs on its grand voyage to the other side of Oris, seeking a mysterious relic to turn the tide in their battle against the True Church. What lies beyond the known world, in the wide open sky?
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With their eyes set on a powerful seeing artifact, the crew prepares for a journey the likes of which Teliferous has never before undertaken.
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With the first of many masks secure, the party turns to their local knowing-things expert for a fresh new approach.
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Victory was achieved, but at what cost? With their prize secured, the party now faces the question of what to do with their departed comrade
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In the final moments of the team’s first Proxy battle, timely medical assistance goes terribly awry.
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The crew shows the Terran Proxy just who they’re dealing with.
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A fated showdown. A shop strewn with countless magical masks. One terrified mid-date bystander. Can the crew overcome their first meeting with a true Proxy?
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Following their last remaining lead, the party investigates an esteemed mask-maker’s shop. Will they unmask a clue to the Proxy's whereabouts?
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The masquerade reaches its flashy finish, and a dejected crew convenes at a local flatbread eatery to assess their dwindling leads.
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Expelled from the dance floor for medical reasons, the crew loiters, networks, and dabbles in pastry-based nirvana. And elevator-based abduction.
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The grand spectacle of the masquerade is unveiled at last! Of course, things are never so simple with the crew of Teliferous…
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Six dashing heroes arrive at an opulent and mysterious ballroom. Do they have what it takes to dazzle the elite and exclusive clientele of the masquerade party?
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The triumphant return of Captain Desmond -- and all the madness that follows. The triumphant showdown with the Valor of Jux -- and all the madness that follows! The great foray into the land of elves and masquerade on the trail of a Proxy…and all the madness that will surely follow.
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With thousands of gold to burn and an unforgettable impression to make, the party is unleashed upon the unsuspecting streets of the elven capital seeking two things: sleek duds to dazzle, and a one of a kind mask to mystify the masses.
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In the velvet-strewn gloom and ambiance of an elven speakeasy, the crew hunts for clues as to the whereabouts of the True Church. Or, failing that, a suitably interesting party to attend.
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As their initial panic about new places and people to kill subsides, the crew finds themselves in a lovely bustling elven city full of rich cultural pursuits and tourism opportunities. Can the mission survive an onset of day-drinking and open-air markets?
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Hearts full of trepidation, five wary wanderers enter a perfectly ordinary elven city. Will they be burned as witches? Hunted for sport? Drawn, quartered, impaled?
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The crew of Teliferous determine a powerful new target -- but will they be able to locate their canny prey?
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Leolin’s snooping turns up a new object to obsessively plan and plot over. An elusive figure emerges from the ashes, and botanists are consulted on non-botany matters.
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Site Director Theobold gathers his staff for an important announcement: you’re fired.
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A friendly and unassuming bureaucrat visits the local True Church administrator for a bit of spring cleaning.
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With a new target in sight, the party prepares for an assault on the True Church lab in Aldrax. Prepares, and prepares, and prepares, and prepares…
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With their sights set on a great confrontation, the crew makes a deal with a (metaphorical) devil.
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Under suspicion of True Church collaboration, Estio’s life is upended by the crew of the Teliferous. Again.
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The party returns with phenomenal cosmic power. Advice is sought from a familiar face.
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Fresh from the ‘good good juice’, five mighty comrades explore the rest of a mysterious facility, discover an exciting new opportunity, and flex their immense power.
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Falrak enters the Golem Zone. Tarajux plays dodgeball and becomes a sword sheath. A vast strategic reserve of Sunny D is revealed.
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The great golem defender rampages against the party, and they fight desperately to keep its mightiest weapon at bay. Is there such a thing as too much science?
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The halls of the Adamantine Army hold more than gardens: when an ill-timed announcement rouses its ancient defender, the crew must contend with a deadly countermeasure.
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Deeper and deeper into the strange temple, mysteries abound and metal knights await; will the party be able to interrogate enough plant life to get through a single locked door, or will the allure of the waiting room magazine doom them all?
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Do your part against the ravaging horrors of space lobster madness; together we can flatten the curve. Side effects may include bleeding from everywhere, screaming at clouds, and blackouts.
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In the deepest depths of the Under-Underdark, the party confronts an elementally aligned smorgasbord of mind-shredding abnormalities. Can they survive a pleasant forest clearing and a peaceful day at the beach?
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What lies within the mysterious walls of the compound in the deep? What lies within the mysterious ziggurat, inside the mysterious compound? What lies within the mysterious room in the mysterious spire inside the mysterious ziggurat inside the mysterious compound?!
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The Barons of the Wandering Tree are as magnanimous as they are indecisive; what new and mysterious doorways await their inquisitive, mistrustful ways?
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Confronted by a ravenous mimic-town, Tarajux seeks a sweet solution.
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Some days it feels like you just can’t get out of bed. Some days it feels like an entire tavern is trying to eat you.
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A friendly underdark community, where the sun is gone, the quartz is beautiful, and odd-speaking bartenders clean mugs while we all pretend to sleep.
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Deep within the twisting tunnels of the Underdark, danger lurks around every corner. Will the distant, twinkling sound of windchimes offer the crew a brief respite, or doom them to a gristly end?
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We interrupt this segment of morphic underground tunnel navigation to bring you: tense union contract negotiation with mystical fey animal simulacra!
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
In the twisting passages beneath the Forgotten Fortress, the crew begins their expedition into the Underdark. Can they find their way to riches and splendor, or will the sunless labyrinth claim them all?
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
On their way to Daingaea, Teliferous encounters a powerful Anchorstorm.
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Business dealings conclude with the Prince of Coin, who reveals the nature of the heist’s true prize. Desmond pays a visit to the temple for an important sermon.
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Confronted with a heist gone wrong and a safe that resists all efforts, the crew opts for a much more direct method.
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With a ragtag band of non-professionals in tow, Estio infiltrates a noble manor.
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We’ll need an elite team: A greasy man of the cloth who can hold his booze. A little birdie who’s good with animals. The dwarf who’s always looking at the bright side. An elf who lives his life in the shadows. A fast-talking windbag who’s light on his feet.
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Preparations for the heist of the century begin. Ched endures the judgment of titans, and Tarajux wears many hats.
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As Desmond reunites with a face from a former life, the Prince of Coin approaches the party about a lucrative, secretive opportunity.
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The Temple of Aquila’s first annual Juxian Security Checkpoint Breakfast begins! Will the crew be able to infiltrate the capital under cover of holy crackers and water and secure Desmond’s mysterious soup?
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On their way to obtain Desmond’s much needed soup, the party encounters scrutiny on the road. Will they be able to reach Jux, or has the destruction of the Valor stirred up a hornet’s nest too terrible for even an emergency breakfast buffet to contend with?
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
The ongoing investigation of the Valor’s reactor yields a smaller, more evil orb. Tarajux makes a brash decision, to the surprise of no one.
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Gnome-sanctioned industrial orb disposal goes awry, and the party leaps into action to investigate the shrieks of the damned. Can they unravel the mysteries of the Torment Sphere?
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Reunited in the wake of the operation, the crew delves into the burning wreckage in search of the foul reactor core that first sparked the great battle in the sky.
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A commander faces justice. An airship plummets from the sky. A powerful duck is born.
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Deep within the armored hull of Jux’s ultimate weapon, the crew of Teliferous prepares for the long-fated showdown with Alabaster Ravenwood. Will they be able to take down the Valor before their own vessel is dealt a deadly blow?
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The infiltration team crashes, sneaks, and lies their way into the depths of the enemy airship. Can remote-controlled gnomes and a tree withstand the ferocious power of the elemental long enough to prevail?
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Bolstered by the gnomish forces, Teliferous takes to the sky in a fateful faceoff with the Valor of Jux. Will their preparations be enough to overcome the harnessed might of an elder elemental?
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Reunited and readied, the crew plots a course towards the lands of Jux and the vast shadow of evil which lurks within its skies.
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Desmond is back! Desmond is gone! Hot on the heels of their recently repaired captain, the party contemplates the looming showdown with the Valor of Jux.
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Harried by blade and lashed by unseen nightmare, the party beats a hasty retreat from the lands of shadow with, hopefully, most of their missing party member.
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The shredding sepulcher demands some unorthodox tactics. Tarajux, expectedly, does the unexpected.
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The next subdirector awaits, beyond a doorway of pure shadow. Who lurks in a darkness that no light can pierce? A labyrinth of death awaits, lovingly tuned to destroy each of them.
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Twin gales howl as the untamed storm battles the bureaucrat blizzard. Can the party rally against the meteorological menace known only as Thomas?
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Another day, another director; but this time, things are growing heated between the crew as they delve deep into a sordid Aldraxan den of cheap paperback thrills and bland decor. Will they be able to secure the director’s key, or is the whirlwind about to be unleashed?
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
The attempted impersonation of a minor church official goes horribly awry, in the most explosive, unicorn-impaling, chemical-warfare-ing way possible. The True Church Post-Thirteencinera Egg Brunch will never be the same again.
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Deep in the crypt of a dark church’s crop, the crew of Teliferous, with their touch hearts will stop; in the den of cult dining they will find only slop, but brother, some day that shoe’s gotta drop.
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
With their initial surveying of the base complete, the crew begins their infiltration of the subterranean complex. What terrors of the True Church lie sequestered beneath sight? Will Angloria’s brother at last be saved from the clutches of the mad cult, or has he already become another of their enthralled zealots?
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
How do you move a 17 ton elephant made of stone through the shifting ever-maze of a disintegrating fey fortress?
Same way you move a regular elephant through the shifting ever-maze of a disintegrating fey fortress!
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
The venerable True Lords of Spring and the Hatchling-blighted Barons of the Wandering Tree clash in the depths of the separatist fortress. Spellfire rains, fists flurry, and a financial investment pays dividends.
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With the guardhouse in smoking ruin, the intrepid crew press on through the labyrinth of hedge to finally face their true foe: a cavalcade of cool and unique fey lords, each with their own motivations, aspirations, and histories. Two forces, each immovable in their duty, clash.
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At long last, the fey fortress lies before them, and with no time to waste (and a shadowstepping elf to chase) the party charges in headfirst! Will they be able to beguile the branched guardian of the True Lords of Spring?
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
As they press on through the deepened defenses of the fortress, they come face to face with a massive foe. Will Ched be able to bear the brunt of his apparent guilt amid a polarizing new discovery, or will this black mark doom the party to a grizzly fate?
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Venturing deeper into the be-moated depths of a fey fortress, the crew faces increasingly strange and deadly defenses.
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Queen Irelia calls upon her finest soldiers to breach the fortress of the fey holdouts. Can any wall withstand the collective effort of five vagabonds full of weird blood?
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Arr! Be ye a little lad or lass whose parents be scuppered? Do ye crave adventure and 3 square meals a day? Ship out and set sail with Captain Desmond’s crew, and we’ll have ye turned from a blubberin’ lubber to a salty, seaworthy dog!
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Safe in the halls of Hopstanopolis, the crew drains their heavy coffers down to the last drop -- some of them on more charitable matters than others.
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The crew checks in on old leads and readies themselves for another trip to the gnomish homelands.
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Imploding the dwarven economy has never been easier with this one simple trick: Antimemetic strongholds full of free metal! Federal mints hate them!
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Queen Irelia presents a proposal, to mixed opinions among the crew. Amid a debate of ethics and dire skunks, Teliferous heads north to secure precious, imperceptible cargo.
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Their enemies are boundless, and so their potential must rise to match. With an uncertain fate ahead, the crew of Teliferous hone their hatchling-born talents to a razor’s edge and prepare to make their grand re-entrance to the world. Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
The crew settles in at last for a post-rescue interview with the Iconoclasts. With a pile of strange new abilities, and the same old flippant disregard for protocol, Angloria and Philomena have their work cut out for them.
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Reunited with their abandoned tree, the crew catches up on missed messages and fuming antagonists. Will they finally begin the training sequence, or is Leolin doomed to flicker until every possible distraction has been pursued?
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On their trip back from yet another ruined True Church base, the party gets up to speed on the state of the world. With a host of new, Hatchling-bolstered abilities to grapple with, the crew reunites with the Iconoclasts to hone their skills and prepare for their grand reappearance.
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Five strangers awaken in a dark, foul tube. To find their freedom, they must contend with the fiendish gauntlet of shattered doors, pre-murdered guards, tasteful nudity, and their greatest foe since resuming the adventure moments earlier: a tyrannical cult willing to marinate adventurers in pursuit of their evil ends.
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With newfound fruity fervor, the battle against the Headchief’s puppetmaster begins at last. Will they be able to claim their precious loot at last, or perish like those who came before? Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
With the Headchief slain, the salvage team pits their might against bells and bricks. What will become of the Stringer tribe in the wake of their mad king’s death, and what awaits them beyond the barrier to the final room? Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
Their fates entwined, the salvage team at last comes face to face with the Headchief Warkbahn and his ferocious legions. When a new foe reveals itself, their desperate battle grows even more pitched. Will they survive the twinned might of The Good Half and The Butterfly Nightmare?
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The prisoners descend into the whirling machinery of the Central Core atop their new steeds. Will they survive the gnashing gears and devious drones of the organizational heart of the complex, or plummet like the profits of old?
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An encounter with the Bad Half leaves the salvage crew piecing together pockmarked memory and wrangling some pods in search of the ever-elusive payday that’ll literally save their necks.
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Exploring further into the mysterious crypt, the salvagers receive a lesson on local mythology from their guide. When a curious cat brings them under the crosshairs of the Lost Legion, Alabaster’s abilities are revealed.
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Safe from the perils of targeted advertisement, the delvers add a new, dubiously loyal team member and investigate a series of mildly potent curses.
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A sturdy blade, a warrior who’s got your back, and the tempting sweetness of loot; what more could an adventurer need? Birds will battle, carts will careen, and Michi-Gan’s fine fretted friend reveals itself.
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Condemned and cast into the dark, four peculiar strangers (and Apa) are faced with a simple choice: delve into the depths of the Howling City in search of treasure, or die for their crimes against Sharuune. But what is a Gabbadah?
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Our hiatus-bound heroes take on strange new faces in strange new worlds! Join us for character building and lore-chat in preparation for the Worlds Without Number hiatus game. Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also email us to send questions, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and like us on Spotify!
Take a breath. Everything’s fine. Don’t you know that we’re each living in the best of worlds?
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The fallen ship stubbornly refusing to un-petrify even after their gallant success against the rockbiter hive, the party sets their profit-seeking sights on the riches left in the wake of the queen’s death.
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After a frontal assault on the tunnels fails, the crew plots a more strategic strike against the subterranean menace. Web Cop and Sky Cop descend into the depths once more. Will their pinpoint attack neutralize the hivemind? Or will throwing a literal chaos grenade into an enclosed space cause unexpected effects?
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With seemingly no options left to deal with the ants and their impending slow-burn obliteration of the planet, the crew stage a direct assault on the hive. Beams will fire, bombs will burst, and shadows will dance as the misfortunate sons of the Hatchling do what they do best: chaos.
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Saved from mythal spaghettification, Ched opts for some skittery reconnaissance. The life-cycle of the rockbiter is explored in depth, and Leolin volunteers for a critical duty -- and a terrible cost.
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Confronted with the gnawing uncertainty of the ‘Antz’ and their motives, the crew’s elemental exploration is suddenly interrupted by multiversal turbulence in the recording signal! Somewhere else in the cosmic soup, a mad wizard expounds upon the curious history and properties of Oris.
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When investigation of the fallen treeship yields strange insects and stranger magics, the crew begins to probe the mysteries of the wreck the only way they know how: prodding, prying, and random violence.
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The investigation of the long-lost treeship begins! Within the petrified pine lies secrets beyond imagining, and an ancient struggle that has lasted since the breaking of the world…
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Out over the open skies, Teliferous hunts for signs of the vanished sister ship. As the mystery of the missing ship is unraveled, members of the crew hone their unique talents and prepare for what’s to come.
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With Teliferous’ quarterly budget deep in the red, the executive board of Treeship Solutions Inc convene to discuss new operational strategies for the upcoming fiscal year. Will a bold new tomb-raiding initiative be enough to meet their needs?
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The slightly less than celebratory atmosphere of Queen Aurelia’s coronation dinner has it all: nostalgic soups, meat-appearification, uncomfortable dinner guests, and a host of fey diplomats with the cosmic misfortune of sharing a table with the boastful barons of Teliferous.
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You’re cordially invited! The long-arcing machinations of a fey florist finally bear fruit, and the party finds itself once again entangled in the midst of it. The dawning of a new age of peace and prosperity, or yet another opportunity for things to go horribly, horribly wrong?
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With too many questions and never enough answers, the crew sets course for the armored leader of the Swords of Elira. Will they uncover the secret weakness of the spicy Sunny D? Or will her oft-tested patience finally result in a perfect 5-man impalement?
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Botanists Imperiled. A fated wedding gone awry. Dead fey cities and the machinations of a mad king. As the continent falls towards darkness, the crew rallies for what’s to come. It's recap time once again! Catch up on the last 50 episodes, be reminded of the crew's tomfoolery, or use this session to jump start your journey into the podcast!
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With their newfound freedom, the crew reconvenes, only to discover that Desmond has been given an unexpected gift. With their path uncertain, they fling themselves into certain danger.
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The defendants stand accused of breaking and entering, resisting arrest, illicit beyblade peddling, state espionage, smuggling, and vandalism. How do they plead?
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In the wake of Operation Fallen Rock, Leolin and Tarajux find themselves in need of an attorney. Will they face the full brunt of the dwarven legal system again? Will Desmond finally answer for his crimes against the fine gambling establishments of Daingaea? Is Ched a real lawyer?
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With a successful mission under their belt, the crew returns to their dwarven comrades, and undertake a clandestine operation to put a mind at ease. Will their streak of good fortune and success hold steady?
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Orbs: Some people got ‘em, some people want ‘em. As the mysterious and malicious happenings at Seraphs Reach go ever-more awry, the team hails a taxi, and puts things into high gear.
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The world of the Awakening has enjoyed a new age of peace and prosperity since the coming of Harmony. But all is not well in the city of Seraph’s Reach, and the rumblings beneath the streets has drawn the concern of the enigmatic Commissioner.
…and he’s recruited a team with attitude.
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Connect and chat with us! Follow us on Twitter: @alchemist_club and on Tiktok: @thealchemistclub. You can also mail us to send fan mail, art, or just say hi at thealchemistclub88@gmail.com Enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple!
Aboard Teliferious, misaligned tuning arrays detect a distorted message from beyond the veil. Matt and Joe discuss a world where magic is forbidden, and how it creates teachable moments for the ever-wily players, and the ever-present importance of setting expectations, saying no, and winging it every now and then...
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You better watch out, you better not cry, you better watch out, you’re all gonna die, Winter’s Claws is coming to town! When Angloria is abducted by the ravenous spirits of a festering festive tradition, the crew must delve into a winter nightmare in search of the Iconoclast’s operative.
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Teliferous take off! The crew is back in action and gunning for the True Church at the behest of their elven ally. Soon, the shadowy cult will witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational arborstation.
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Desmond’s new chapel to Aquila, and a very special dress are completed just in time for a very, very special occasion. When long-dreaded confrontations finally arrive, the crew will put their long-planned preparations into action.
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As the crew returns to Daingaea from their "successful" infiltration and rescue mission, revelations of long held mysteries come to light. The crew begins to air dirty laundry in the halls of Stony's in ways only they know how. Will these revelations destroy the party? Will Stony's ever let them come back?
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Brought face to face with their old foe, the party faces the brutal intricacies of the dwarven justice system. Can they overcome the prosecution’s adamantine-clad case against them?
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The elite forces of Teliferous arrive in the homeland of the dwarves to free political prisoners and fulfill the fated wedding. To defeat the cunning of the Adamantine King they’ll need their entire arsenal: Bird feet, arboreal ordnance, and a pair of incredibly floppy shoes.
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In another whisper from the multiverse, one of Falrak’s distant ancestors talks about The Awakening, the vast difficulties surrounding campaign finales, character attachment, and what to do when “The books don’t say that you can’t”.
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With the mighty forces of Daingaea ready to lend aid, the crew begins preparations for a daring heist.
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As the council draws towards its fated meeting, the birds descend on Teliferous, and their queen shall seek its secrets.
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The post-mission revelry at Stoney’s is interrupted by a mysterious message for a meteorological mage. Light reading and heavy reflection ensue, and a visit from an old friend will pit a silver tongue against a keen gaze.
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When an old, fungal friend is rediscovered by the crew, they’re welcomed with open arms into the caespitose collective. Will the sinuate squatters spell doom for Daingaea, or is it true that the dwarven being and fungus can coexist peacefully?
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Beneath the brewer’s warehouse, a visit is paid to the myconid town! Questions follow about how, exactly, a budding colony of living mushrooms found their way into the basement of a flying volcanic dwarf city.
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Something is rotten in the state of Daingaea. Specifically, the beer! As our heroes investigate the strange spoilage plaguing the brewer’s guild, they’ll have to confront guards, ghosts, and gunk.
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Scheduling issues have led to a brief break from adventure! DM Joe and Waffle spend some time discussing Dungeon Mastering. Your regularly scheduled Alchemist Club Adventures will resume next week! In the meantime, enjoy this conversation between two DMs with questions from listeners! Let us know if you enjoy this special DM Corner episode so we can plan for another in the future!
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A towering, magmatic foe bested, the crew returns to the Duke seeking their next steps. A measured, careful approach and community-building acts of goodwill? Is this another dream sequence?
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Foundries face flaming fury! Alacritous adventurers assail adversaries! Birds bashed, elves engulfed!
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Hot on the trail of reported elementals assailing the dwarven forges, the crew readies themselves for the fiery showdown. Will they be able to keep a cool head, or are they doomed to freeze up at a critical moment?
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At last, the crew of Teliferous is ready to meet with the Duke of Daingea. Will they find themselves in the presence of a powerful new ally, or are they due for a repeat of teatime terrors? Is anywhere truly beyond the reach of the True Church?
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The party peruses the fine selection of Daingaean crafts, and plots a heist-wedding from the comfortable confines of a pizza parlor.
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A rare breather among semi-strangers that don’t openly hate them? Sounds like it’s shopping time!
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During a measure of time dedicated to offloading excess personnel from Teliferous, the crew discusses the myriad ethical quandaries of war, brigandry, and nationality. What is the measure of a man? What is the measure of a rat? Do volcanoes really exist?
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Desmond’s condition continues to draw the concern of the crew. When a bit of good-natured snooping yields a dramatic new wrinkle in his forgotten tale, the crew seeks an old face in search of answers.
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As the Aldraxan landship bears its fearsome arsenal, the great treeship Teliferous takes to the sky once more. At long last, the well-awaited, much-ado wedding arc begins!
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Rescued and reinvigorated, the party sets its sights towards their prized vessel. Woe unto those who would capture the tree.
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When daring rescue arrives for the crew, all is not as it first seems. Are they about to leave the fetid formaldehyde and tubular trappings of the Aldraxian prison-lab for true freedom, or will their old, familiar foe have the last laugh?
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Five strangers awaken in a dark, foul place. To find their freedom, they must contend with the fiendish gauntlet of glass tubes, mad doctors, twisted experiments, and their greatest foe since resuming the adventure moments earlier: a guilesome balloonist who may or may not exist.
So continues the quest of five blood-touched souls to discover the truth!
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The Alchemist Club deeply apologizes for the lack of a new episode this week and hopes you will accept this humble offering of old unused outtakes in its place.
“A glitter bomb went off in Teliferous and had adverse affects on our recording bottle. We put this blame squarely on a specific member of the Aldraxian balloon corp and will be seeking legal action and retribution as soon as we find a court to hear our case.” Signed- The Crew of The Teliferous.
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Cendriane lies behind, and the road ahead is strange and unknown. Will the crew return at last to the world they know, or will the danger of the ruins be eclipsed by new and unearthly terrors?
Can anyone resist the temptation of the fey for good?
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With their precious cargo secure, and the path towards a long-overdue homecoming clear, all seems set for a triumphant return of the party from the bloodthirsty depths. But all is not quiet in the ruins of Cendriane…
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The crew confronts a cavalcade of fey guardians with a keen interest in barring mortal pursuits. Can they convince a colorful cast to part with pieces?
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With their newfound associates, the crew press on into the great unknown of the lost city. Can they reach the fabled tomb Ladyblossom so desperately seeks, or will they add yet another abandoned campsite to the edge of hungry ruins?
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The lost city of the Eladrin awaits, and somewhere inside, there’s a set of bones that needs pilfering. When the obstacles of the dead city become too great, our heroes find an unexpected source of guidance.
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When the crew finally secures their exit from the strange and wondrous House of Harvest, they’re back on the trail of Cendriane. The path they’ve chosen might be more than meets the eye.
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Desmond’s attempt to catfish a soul-stealing fey bears fruit. Will he be able to outmaneuver the spindly machinations of an interested matriarch, or can the party throw a dark ritual awry?
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The party descends into the clutches of the harvest festival, and the otherworldly delights within! Will they manage to navigate the colorful carnival, or will a tonic-based chaperone oversight doom them to a fateful showdown with familiar faces? Step right up and see it all!
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After the daring rescue of their wayward botanists, the crew retraces their steps and reconvenes with a fey benefactor. The time has come to repay a debt made in desperation. Setting out towards the distant unknown of a timeless world, they steel themselves for a cavalcade of harvest-time hijinks.
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With a dramatic entrance from the most bombastic, pyroclastic dwarf, the crew goes to work against the dark machinations of...a single gnome with a grudge against botanists. Will they be able to defeat his multi-camera streaming setup and fog machine, or is Tarajux about to go to pieces?
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When the meandering investigation of mysterious halls finally yields a final fiendish obstacle to surmount, the party stands ready. Pegs, holes, and over prescription of psychedelics.
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To save their wayward botanists, the crew enlists the aid of Maryn Vight -- semi-professional slackliner, entrepreneur, and holder of the Juxian sub-regional hackysack record.
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Once more in the Juxian homelands, the party wastes no time at all...a small amount of time...a LOT of time getting to the bottom of a botanical mystery. When divination fails, the party will deploy their smallest and most skittery weapon yet.
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With their favorite botanists in dire peril, the crew of Teliferous has no choice but to take drastic measures...and a convenient, helping hand. Will they fall prey to the whimsical wilds, or stay true to the path?
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The gang recaps all the plot highlights from the start until present time. If You're new to the podcast here's the best place to start listening!
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After a harrowing brush with the strange, stabby denizens of the dark, the crew decides to cut short their journey into the unknown depths of the Hatchling’s Horn.
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Narrowly avoiding pseudospidery doom, the crew continues their search through the caverns stretching far into the world. Mysterious sights, munchable flora, immeasurable depths, and more!
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Tarajux returns from a sojourn into the beyond, changed in body and perspective. With one tunnel explored, many more twisting passages lie ahead of the crew -- and one contains a particularly sticky situation for their newest ally, Bearnard Rocky 4: Revenge From The North.
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Plunging deeper, then deeper still, the mysteries of the fortress remain as opaque as the darkness filling it. With no other leads, the party chooses to follow the wind...wherever that might lead.
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Abandoned fortress hallways and mysteries deepen as the crew delves deeper into the dark. Down in the forgotten foundries and their absent keepers, a startling new discovery could shake the very foundations of the continent.
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The party begins their investigation of a strange, subterranean realm. Within, the halls of a pseudodwarven sepulchre raises many questions...and offers few answers.
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A triumphant return, and a trio retrieved. Back in the lavish halls of Laurie, the crew of Teliferous reaps the sweet rewards of a job well done, and plot their future.
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The Astral Sea, a realm of the unknown! On their maiden voyage through the mysterious, swirling starfields, the crew is beset by the first of many terrible trials -- and a captain chooses a more expedient approach.
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While frolicking in the infinite sea of the cosmos, the crew meets a friendly frog out amongst the unfriendly fog. A brand new adventure in the Astral Sea begins!
Ding!
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Help your community, donate blood! Seal dimensional rifts, donate blood! After a brief nap, the party is ready to continue their quest with absolutely no other repercussions to worry about later. With one task done, a larger rears its infinite, crystalline head.
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After handcuff fever gives way to polite introductions, the party sets out to find a solution for Alister Vosmos’ multiversally mangled mansion. A meeting with the mad, many-mouthed magus; malevolent misanthrope, or merely misunderstood?
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The mysterious gardens in the unknown raven-lord’s mansion are much like any other; elegant fountains, peaceful courtyards, and horizon-spanning hedge-mazes to track temporally phased foes through. Will the crew be able to track their target, or will Desmond succumb to left-wall-wanderlust?
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When the mists of Laurie’s Vault of (Mis)fortune give way to velvet and opulence, the party does the only thing they know how to; exhaustively open all doors and engage in ballroom drama. When an old enemy reappears once more, they’ll have to use every ounce of color theory, photography terminology, and North-style Juxian Barn Shuffle they can muster to vanquish them.
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A freshly-rehydrated party continues to grapple with the fog-choked plains of Laurie’s vaults, treading deeper into the strange, afflicted realm. As they move deeper, will they fall to the temptation of pilfered loot, or stay true under threat of disintegration?
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In the halls of Madame Laurie’s spaghettified vaults, Tarajux “Danger” “The Wind” Haiko makes a terrible mistake.
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Deeper into the vaults, the strange effects of the failed heist worsen, and the crew comes face to face with a terrible, spiny foe. Desmond unveils a forbidden technique, and a bird is made flat.
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Descending into the vast vaults of Madame Laurie at her behest, a fiendish gauntlet of dimensional spaghettification awaits them. Will the group be able to plumb the depths of a 2.5 Bafflestone-index (or is it a 40 miliUrkee?) dungeon?
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At long last, the crew find themselves in the lavish lounge of a mysterious benefactor. With stylish new trappings and a boss that isn’t all she seems, a task for Madame Laurie is anything but simple.
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Departing from the depths of revelation, the party discusses a future full of gainful employment on their way back to familiar turf. What will they find within that lauded lounge of Laurie? And who is this dapper man with a keen interest in headwear?
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In the depths of the mysterious structure, an unexpected new face -- and the questions it poses -- stop the crew in their tracks.
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Bidding a farewell to gnomes, Teliferious departs into the wild blue once more. What strange new sights will they find?
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The mighty heroes of Hopstanopolis spend a well-deserved break on their various callings, spurring wild rumor and speculation. Just what exactly is the Night Stalker, and what does the strange beast want with the good folk of Hopstanopolis? Pockets flush with cash and eyes bright with the wonders of the gnomish city, each adventurer gears up for an uncertain future out in the open sky
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After their battle with Urkee, the crew gets a span of much-needed rest.
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The final showdown with the mad gnome inventor begins. Deep in the whirring heart of Hopstanopolis, the fate of reality itself -- and the proper notation for relative cleric orientation in laboratories -- will be decided once and for all.
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Armed and readied, they descend. Somewhere below, Urkee Bafflestone prepares to usher in a new world of madness. The depths are his realm; a place of twisting passages and architectural impossibilities, halls none have walked for a millenia. What lies in wait, deep among the maddened inventor’s machinations and machines?
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Bearing new and exciting injuries from their brush with Urkee Bafflestone, the crew prepare to delve the depths of Hopstanopolis and stop the machinations of the mad gnome.
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The culprit, revealed! The junkyard ambush goes awry when a clever new foe emerges to befuddle the treeship crew, and a bout of quick thinking is needed to save the day! Or reckless, impulsive meddling. Is there really any difference between the two, when it comes to Tarajux?
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As it turns out, we’re not the best at stakeouts.
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In the wake of the attack on the Canker, the crew of Teliferous reach out to old friends, and reassess the situation in Jux. When chief engineer Fibblestib Loofaloo brings word of a daring operation in need of five unlikely heroes. Will they be able to apprehend the fiendish trench-theives in time, or are the Phasio Telestabilizers the next victim of the crime spree rocking Hopstanopolis to its core.
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Set us up the bomb!
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Back in the city of gnomes, the group is tasked with reporting their findings. But all is not well within the datasphere; even the assistance of a trained gnome vape lord may not be enough to bring down the most powerful walls of all: the ones we create in ourselves. As the truth of Teliferous’ findings come to light, the crew scrambles to battlestations and prepares for their first mission among the Ornithopter Corps.
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Fresh from the apocalyptic vignette of the second island, the crew hunts down the third for a hat trick of responsible planning and forethought, only to be confronted with a botanical oddity beyond even the reckoning of Basil and Ivy.
Will they be able to match wits with the single-minded purpose of these purple petals, or is this the final hour of Eagle-1?
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As Teliferous arrives at the first stop on their reconnaissance mission, the team prepares for action-botany and animal-stalking. Island exploration is no small feat, and out over the open sky, void-madness could strike an isolated crew at any moment. Ship Counselor Haiko swiftly intervenes!
Could this be the turn of a new leaf for the carefully planned and prudent crew of the world’s most magnificent treeship?
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The Hopstanopolis Ornithopter Corps: We go up! A brief visit with the icy but striking Captain Panona Humplebumple, the crew of Teliferous decides to lend the Corps a hand by investigating a number of unknown islands.
They might even get paid this time!
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Minty-freshly finished with their encounter in the depths of Lab 84, the crew of Teliferous return to Hopstanopolis as tenuous allies of the gnomes. To report on the strange happenings of the lab, the group is ushered along to a miraculous gnomish device known only as The Cloud. As the crew prepares to grapple with the abstract nature of memories and truth, Tarajux attempts to vape the datasphere, then discusses merchandising opportunities for the intrepid heroes of a world that wants them dead.
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Face to face with their mintiest foe yet, the crew prepares for a titanic battle to decide the fate of all gnomekind (in the immediate 30-foot vicinity). Will repeated applications of brute force be enough to paste this...paste?
In their most dire hour, Tarajux and Desmond are left with no choice but to unleash their ultimate combo attack: The Super Hydrodynamic Hypercolliding Aeroquatic Mega Storm Friendship Cannon Deluxe!
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The crew of Teliferous descends into the abandoned gnomish labs to prove their worth to the Patent Office. Something foul and wicked and minty fresh has overtaken the twisting halls of progress within; it’s up to our heroes to tumble their way through the realms of the gnomes, testing their vast and varied wits against a mindless blob of slime with a taste for the scientific.
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The glorious city of the gnomes! Freshly vetted by their meeting with Mayor Applejack Crumbledown and Crampernack Quillshooter, the party enters the bureaucratic labyrinth of the great flying city of Hopstanopolis. To prove themselves to their greatest skeptic, Ellibelle Horkusporcus, the team of adventurers are dispatched to the mysterious Lab 84.
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Free of the city’s myriad dangers and slightly poorer, the group briefly debates the merits of badgers, crystals, and the fey. After a refreshing mountain hike, the party is reunited with Teliferous, and prepares for their trip beyond the edge of the world. Meanwhile, Falrak discovers a distressing new development with his bride-to-be. Out among the open sky, the crew of Teliferous stumbles upon a strange and magnificent new sight, hanging in the abyss.
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As the Valor of Jux looms overhead, the party plots their assault on the indomitable symbol of Juxian hubris. Tarajux’s launch is interrupted by a newly swole-inated Falrak, and Leolin starts a most unsettling coin collection with the help of a stranger. With mysteries mounting and new dangers above and below, the party does the sensible thing: visit some vagrants!
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Wealthy beyond imagining and eager to ruin their streak of one (1) successful business deal, the group enters the grand city of Jux once more. As Vimish Rinwind grapples with the labyrinthine bureaucracies of the Tectology Department, Falrak plans to get swole, and Leolin embraces his destiny as the Crossbow Guy. When Emperor Jux delivers a grand announcement, an old foe will once more cast its shadow upon the lands below.
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Thrarat Caverock, Fled Cheek, Barndel Thrucks, Eldrin Moredark, and Itchy Steve make a daring pilgrimage to the dwarven outpost, carrying with them their hard-won earthen trove. The Crimson Sapphires: those bloodied and cursed stones, hauled from the ground at the winter’s crest, the coveted treasure sought by bandits the world over! The gems that drew the ire of the Midnight Hounds and Fleshripper Gang; at last, the crew of tunneling landship Borborygm is safe beyond the prismarine clutches of the Velvet King. Or are they?
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Here be dragons! As the teeming hordes of the elemental earth are scattered, a final, glittering foe rears its foul visage at last! Faced with the behemoth threat of this new flier, the crew of Teliferous regroup for a dramatic showdown against the frenzied monstrosity tearing its way through the sky. As hellfire battles against the deadly grip of winter, a daring navigator will throw caution to the wind and demonstrate what the Imperial Glider Corps can do.
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The early arrival of the prophetic battle sends the crew of Teliferous into a mad scramble against the forces of the soil. As the mighty treeship surges into its first true battle, Leolin takes command of elite bird forces -- but is there more to this terrestrial terror than meets the eye?
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As the earthen threat looms ever-closer, the defenders of Cloudtop put their various plans for protection into action. While Leolin communes with the birds and Desmond grows closer(?) to his goddess, Ched makes his long-awaited homecoming.
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Amongst the shrouded Marble Mountains lies Cloudtop, the mysterious home of the Aarakocra nations. As Ched is reunited with his people and questions arise as to his reasons for leaving, the crew of Teliferous plan a vast, comprehensive plan to defeat an enemy capable of soaring through the ground freely. With only a week until the prophetic end to the Aarakocran people, there’s no time to lose -- except, of course, the required half-hour of yakbutting.
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Back aboard Teliferous, the crew encounters a flight of feathered friends on a dire quest. Setting aside petty squabbles about the Urkle Circle and potential sources of cash, the great treeship and its very motley crew take to the skies, headed for the mysterious lands of the Aarakocra in hopes of averting a disastrous prophecy.
When the earth sings of war, who shall answer?
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In a pitched battle against the dark necromantic forces of the forest, the party grapples with the dark secret of the elves, while a large snake grapples with seven skeletons and a wizard. Back in the elven village, our heroes confront the strange rituals of the woodland folk, and must make a fateful decision. Admittedly, a pretty easy one, it turns out.
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Fresh off their pilfering of a fae vacation home, the group is alerted to strange, unnatural magiycks emanating from the forest depths. With no holy symbol and their giant cannon-filled skyship left at home, the party ventures forth half-cocked and ready to battle the mysterious necromancer terrorizing an elven village.
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With the Cave Of Spooky Bones once more hollow and empty, the crew of Teliferous must reunite with their ship. With yet more discussions about what to throw in the forge and reactor, and a quick pitstop for some easy magical pickings, it’s sure to be an adventure packed full of absolutely nothing.
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After a series of regrettable decisions, the crew discovers a new and exciting den of wretched darkness. Will they at last confront the dark foe that has long plagued them? Will a greasy serpent and high-stakes croquet be enough to end this menace once and for all? Or will two botanists be left as the sole inheritors of a flying elvish nuclear submarine?
Is it normal for heart grenades to talk?
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With the reappearance of Dire Mecha Saskia 2.0, Teliferous’ crew prepares for full bombardment. Surely that will be enough, right?
Right?
Please..?
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With Teliferous powered up and underway, a familiar face shows up for an unexpected visit! What could be the reason for such a magnificent gift, and what secrets does the Urkle Circle hold?
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With the necromantic orb of pure death heedlessly plunged into the heart of Teliferous, the crew sets their sights on the second of the Twin Orbs. Within the vast dome of eternally replenished vegetation, a terrible chain of misadventure ensues, and Desmond is ironically cursed with a boon many mortals would kill for.
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With the defeat of Lubash (spoilers!), Brakka Irontooth reigns supreme. The group departs immediately, seeking fresh employment and mad cash. With the mysterious job offer of Laurie’s Den considered too Aldrax-y for the moment, the group sets course for some new relics to power up Teliferous.
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Sunday Sunday Sunday! The fated showdown with Lubash the orc begins! Lightning fills the sky, javelins fall thick through the air, crabs battle cheetahs, and the wind will bear aloft its chosen child in the battle to decide the fate of all orckind. Pay for your whole seat but you’ll only need the edge!
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As the Anchor Storm passes, the crew of Teliferous resumes their trek. Once in the depths of Brakka’s vast, corporate undertaking the party is made privy to the task ahead. What terrors will they face in the content for control, and will Tyget Brannow’s ears last until the time is right for a pivotal, dramatic reveal?
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On their way to a rendezvous with Brakka Irontooth, Teliferous is overtaken by the awesome might of an Anchor Storm, to the delight of some and concern of others. As the crew settles down for a bottle episode, revelations about Leolin’s past and Falrak’s present are revealed.
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In a very special episode of The Alchemists Club, the party manages to drag out the process of body-looting and dungeon-escape into a long process. Once aboard Teliferous, the crew receives an unexpected call -- and a mysterious new opportunity.
Will the crew be able to survive the terrifying rigors of an orcish cooking tournament?
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The frantic battle against the True Church continues! Bears, stares, and incendiaries flare in the conclusion to the Arklay Incident.
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Face to face with the True Church’s lingering enforcers, the party prepares for a claustrophobic battle with strong men, blind men, and the cult’s equal-opportunity employment guard program.
Leolin practices for a distance-running competition, Tarajux works on his windswept hairstyle, and the party discovers new heights of chaos and disoriented scuffling.
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With their plans awry and the town of Arklay in the throes of bear-induced chaos, the party regroups and prepares for a new approach. Inside the depths of the True Church’s lair, a fiendish cavalcade of ordinary doors await.
Beware the man with no eyes!
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Aiyar Highlark’s double-bluff goes terribly awry, and the keen eyes of a cultist shopkeeper nearly end the career of the high voltage hero. In the midst of a dramatic, daring escape, Wet Cop and Short Cop land themselves in a spot of trouble with the local populace. Will the nightmare fortress tourist trap of Arklay grasp the heroes in its clutches at last?
So much suspense, I can hardly bear it!
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With a target now in sight, the team arrives at the fishing village of Arklay on the edge of the world. While trying to find the location of the True Church’s hidden base within the city, the group implements a number of haphazard infiltration plans, each more convoluted than the last. Will they be able to save the prisoners in time? Or will Aiyar Highlark’s noose tighten at last around his mark, the wily Eldrin Moredark?
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Upon arriving at the edge of the world and beyond, the crew of Teliferous finally come face to face with the mysterious Iconoclasts, a council of powerful figures arrayed against the shadowy True Church. At long last, our heroes have the chance to learn of their enemy and fight back -- if, of course, they can convince eight well-designed strangers not to murder them first.
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As the crew of Teliferous heads for a fated rendezvous with Angloria Feywind and her mysterious associates, concerns about the combat-readiness of the vessel drive them to make a quick stop. Graverobbing ain’t the cleanest work, but the results are worth every chunk of gristle and buzzing fly.
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The crew continue their exploration of Teliferous’ systems, learning of the formidable firepower and disappointing top speed of their new arboreal fortress. This live weapons demonstration is interrupted by a strange new presence, and the party is confronted by the distant past of the forgotten treeship, as well as the chance at a new beginning.
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With the treeship functional, the group gets to work with the most important task of their heroic career: picking out a really cool name. With that epic feat complete, they can begin to explore the cryptic systems of their ancient, mysterious vehicle.
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With the mythal secured, the party departs from the Tomb of Ralanthas, only to encounter an unexpected, familiar face waiting for them. Word has already spread of their deed, and it seems that Basil and Ivy are not the only ones interested in a limitless wellspring of arcane power. Who would’ve thought?
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The final tests of the tomb await our would-be raiders: will their guile, strength and wit be enough, or will they be devoured wholesale by singing animatronics?
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In search of the mythal destined to power the strange and mythic treeship, the party delves into a forgotten tomb.Within, a gauntlet of terrible tasks await them, carefully crafted to test those foolish enough to seek elven power. Blundering through blades, drunken revelry, and overcomplicated solutions to very simple puzzles await!
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With the desert and Desmond’s wife behind them, our heroes do the only logical thing on their quest to seek out the mysterious Angloria Feywind: walk towards the big tree in the distance.
The big tree.
The really, really big tree.
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Heave Ho! Look alive, ye sandy scallawags! N’er has the land seen such a vessel as the Sandpiper, pride ‘o the Dragonglass Desert! Aye, but what of its captain, a fiery lass like no other, shinin’ outta the murky depths o’ that ole seadog Desmond’s past! Arr, but not all that glitters be golden, lads!
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At the top of a dark, crystalline spire, the group confronts the villain responsible to put an end to the resurgence of the crystal plague. Monologues ensue in the manner of dueling banjos between the avatar or order and the emissary of chaos.
Bolts, volts, and hammer assaults!
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The party ventures ever deeper into the unknown dangers of the desert. Strange things are afoot out in the remote dunes; will Tarajux’s newfound geological hobby be the key to uncovering the mystery of an ancient curse, or will his careless whimsy (once more) doom the party amid a reawakened evil?
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Among new, less murdery friends, the party can (once again) relax and let their guard down. Clan Garlixen of the Dragonglass Desert welcomes them with open arms and shiny scales, offering a much needed vacation from their vacation. The group learns of ancient crystals and the nature of the wandering oases, plotting their inscrutable paths through the vast and dangerous desert.
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Waffle answers a fan's question they have about Tarajux.
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After a near miss in the depths of the Mountainhome, the party makes a daring escape across the rocky crags of a deadly mountain, headed for the unknown. An unlikely ally appears in their hour of need, but the journey ahead has only just begun.
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What could be better than a home-cooked meal and retiring quietly to the lounge to discuss academic matters? With the harrowing trials of a long road behind them, the group finally finds time to relax and catch up on their sleep -- but an unexpected development will force them to cut short their luncheon with Silverforge!
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Boddynock Sheppen stands ready! And no, for once that’s not a Tarajux alias. A brief perusal of magic items ensues, and the party sets out for an exposition luncheon, armed and ready!
In the halls of Steinar Silverforge, the party learns of ancient cults, reality warping magics, and the Knights of Elira; what other secrets might they find in the carefully curated collection of this cordial cook?
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While delving the mysteries of the Plated Halls and learning of the often fatal, sometimes X-men fate of Hatchling test subjects, the party encounters a pair of highly respected dwarves and secures an important meeting with a Hatchling expert. A shopping trip to the Steel district begins, and while Falrak attempts to complete the fire-shaping gauntlets the Sky Brigade wanders off in search of a floppy gnome.
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After a refreshing interlude in the sunlight, the party goes in search of Desmond. Soon, they find their way through the closely guarded districts of the innermost Mountainhome sanctums to the grand archives of the dwarves, to Tarajux’s unexpected delight.
Within the archives, they begin to learn more of the Hatchling’s strange history, and the tales of those who came after the eldritch beast from below.
What is the connection between this dark, shadowed organization and the remnants of the beast that broke the world?
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With their new knowledge and plundered oddities, our heroes depart from the vast stone tower where absolutely nothing happened and nobody did anything related to devils, nope.A brief encounter with a strange woman throws Tarajux off his game, but an unexpected windfall of cash soothes any suspicions regarding this odd meeting. The days beneath the ground stretch onward, and in the midst of this twilight realm of rock and dwarf, Desmond prognosticates on the fate of party members, and the origin of gems are considered. Will Tarajux and Ched ever see the sky again, or will they be overtaken by tunnel madness?
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Within the mysterious stone tower, a powerful new presence is discovered. The party is confronted with an occult task, and the opportunity for great boons. Will they choose wisdom of the ages, forbidden secrets, or mad cash in exchange for this dark undertaking? Within the halls of the dwarven mage tower, Tarajux discovers a strange and powerful new relic, and Falrak moonlights as a nightlight.
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The stairs stretch on towards infinity. Who wrought this unending spiral towards the heavens? The party ascends, collecting secrets and treasures as they go like an ever-accelerating snowball of disaster.
Will the group ever discern the purpose of this strange tower and its many circles and devices? Or will they be doomed to forever repeat the phrase ‘next staircase’ until all is naught but dust and ruin?
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The Underway! Created during the Great Dwarfpression to stimulate the economy, this huge underground tunnel system stretches from one end of the continent to the other, providing moderately spacious transit and an essential economic artery for the dwarven settlements across the land.
The group descends into the dark, trekking in the twilight limbo of the Underway for several days. Upon discovering a work crew under attack from strange, elemental beings pouring out of an accidentally discovered, mysterious structure, the subterranean heroes spring into action!
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Faced with the decision to expose the dwarven conspiracy or allow Tarajux to offer his ‘spec ops skills’ and services to the inexperienced rabble-rousers, Falrak appeals to a higher power for answers.
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In a stunning, world first, The Alchemists Club podcast is pleased to present: an actual alchemist being important in the story. Strange clues abound, including incendiary pastries, summer-ale firebombs, and misapplied metallurgical tools.
In a sizzling reveal, Falrak divulges a fiery tale from his past, and wins respect from Tarajux, but could this have been the first embers of the mystery at hand?
Will the secret society of dwarven pyrophiliacs reveal itself, or will our brave party burn out in the line of duty?
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With the blessing of the operatic, hedge-shredding Dutchess, the investigation of Agaton’s arsons begins in earnest. Clues will be found, suspects pondered, and more than one of our ‘heroes’ will demonstrate a disturbing amount of knowledge about how to commit arson. Signs begin to point in unsettling directions for all involved.
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After a night in the slammer, the group is freed due to the timely intervention of an old friend from the past. Strange things are afoot in Agaton, and Falrak’s hometown needs a quintet of (sometimes) capable adventures to stop the mysterious arsons plaguing the sleepy forge town!
Volunteer Fire Marshall Desmond Brineswell, reporting for duty!
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Taro Maral, Levi Raldoth, and Tamak Sinclair take their leave of Berinsford, headed for Falrak’s home to pay their respects. Upon entry to Agaton, the crew runs afoul of the town guard, and Ched reveals the intricate, eagle-itarian laws of Aarakocran society.
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The inner sanctum of the Spring Court welcomes the heroes, certain to give them every possible chance to blunder into surrendering their true names or being forever trapped in the Feywild in the company of the mysterious Lady of Blossoms. Later, the curtain begins to fall on Taro Maral’s great saga of trade, heartbreak, and heartwarming friendship with a misfit horse who never quit.
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Fresh off a recent, unexpected battle, the group picks up the pace with a new sense of urgency. Taro Maril and his ‘horse’ Cinnamon settle in for the night, only to be disturbed by a strange, midnight gateway into the unknown. What awaits them in the strange gardens of the Feywild, and how quickly will the entire party doom themselves in a web of intricate feyen magics and ritual?
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Wherein things go wrong.
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A nail-biting finish to Levi’s ambush leaves the crew with new supplies and more questions. The following morning, a startling development sends the group into disorder.
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The group prepares to flee the city in light of Tarajux’s past. Bird magic creates fresh chaos, and the five are left with no choice but to fight their way out of the city when swept up in a bunch of hobo-gang pandemonium.
This episode is dedicated to the memory of Pusher.
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When the box is unsealed, the group discovers a strange new twist to their tale. With enemies lurking at every corner, there’s only one place they can trust: the public library! While Vimish Rinwind and his research associates investigate the Hatchling, Falrak sorts out further employment while preparing for departure.
It’s a long way to Agaton.
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A familiar face from the past confronts Tarajux! The conspiracy at the heart of Jux is laid bare for all to know, and the truth of a certain storm mage’s past comes to light. False moustaches ensue.
Was Alabaster Ravenwood born with an evil name, or did he change it later?
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The party becomes acquainted with the shroomy denizens of the deep. Drawing ever nearer to the “fungal focal point”, they attempt to set the world record for spore detonations per minute. Desmond takes the first steps towards recovery through psychedelics, and makes a startling discovery with Tarajux about the nature of reality, maaan...
I know the human being and fungus can coexist peacefully.
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The newest members of the Shimmerguard investigate a number of disappearances in the Verdant District, aka Hobo City. A new Tarajux alias appears, and the gang gets stinky in pursuit of answers.
Is it safe to be breathing this stuff?
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A breakthrough in the Draconic Box is imminent. While the great minds in the Hall of Mysteries convene, the group tries to make some spare coin, by whatever means necessary. The prospect of a several-day stay in the city of Jux convinces the party to throw their lot in with a small mercenary guild.
Will their quest end in riches, or the other thing?
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On the trade road, the party encounters something sinister. With tensions high, and the future (and dwarven diets) uncertain, they press onward towards the Hall of Mysteries, toting an oft-forgotten puzzlebox. The party is joined by a strange new scholar much to the exasperation of Falrak and Leolin.
Exactly who is Tarajux Haiko?
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As the party’s reputation spreads, the hamlet of Stonebrook is overtaken by celebration. What drunken adventures and generous store discounts await our intrepid bunch after their fateful fight? Dressed for success and fanart, the party sets out once more.
Next stop: The capital city, Jux!
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Glaive-bearer, demonsinger, people-eater! The gnoll chieftain rears its head at last, and the party prepares for the final battle in the sinister headquaters of the ‘Gnoll Crime Syndicate’. A sudden windfall of cash from a grateful Stonebrook can only mean one thing: Shopping spree!
Ched may or may not be cursed by dark magic.
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In the wake of Brooks’ relapse into alcoholism, the party greets a new day full of opportunity! The mayor entrusts the matter of crazed hyena-people to a group of five unwashed strangers, once it’s clear that he has nothing to lose
The assault on the Gnoll Speakeasy begins!
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Now freed of their previous employment as unwilling test subjects, our ‘heroes’ stumble upon the small town of Stonebrook in the grand empire of Jux, where suspicions are high, and bird-magic flows like ill-advised wine. Guards: ensorceled. Farmhouses: in peril. Gnolls: raiding.
How much trouble could one round of ale really cause?
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As the group investigates further into the ravaged, burning stronghold, they discover their first un-eviscerated cultists, giving Tarajux the opportunity to continue a lifelong pursuit of impulsive decisions. After teaching some cultists a high-voltage lesson, the group discover the one responsible for their escape when they witness a shocking development.
Woe unto any who would cage the wind.
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Five strangers awaken in a dark, foul place. To find their freedom, they must contend with the fiendish gauntlet of unlocked doors, pre-murdered guards, tasteful nudity, and their greatest foe since beginning the adventure moments earlier: a tyrannical cult willing to shave dwarves in pursuit of their evil ends.
So begins the quest of five destiny-touched souls to discover the truth!
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