SocialMediaBreakup: Recent Episodes
Johan
Learn how to:
•Beat phone and social media addiction •Spend your time, attention and energy efficiently, instead of letting our device drain us •Use your smartphone effectively and efficiently •Use social media apps, mail apps, and Instant Messaging apps wisely
And:
•Simple tricks that make using your phone less compulsive, and give you back control •The detrimental effects of excessive phone and social media use, and how to reduce that without giving up on social media entirely •Why it seems impossible to stop using your phone •Facts about social media and phone addiction
And much more!
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/shift-your-focus-from-your-phone-to-an-activity/
When I tell you to think of a purple car, you will imagine a purple car in your mind.
When I tell you NOT to think of a purple car, you will imagine a purple car in your mind.
The same applies to the concept of the Law of Attraction.
When you keep telling yourself “I don’t want to drink coca-cola anymore” or “I will stop drinking coca-cola”, the focus is on…exactly: coca-cola.
The word don’t or stop have very little effect when comparing the statement to “I will drink 2 infuser bottles of water and lime 3 times a day”.
Now the focus is shifted to a solution, a replacement activity, a different action.
That’s why it is so important to brainstorm about activities you want to take on.
You want to ask yourself questions like:
- What do I want to pursue?
- What would I like to do instead of using my phone?
- What activities can I replace with certain activities on my phone?
- What would I like to achieve in my life?
- How do I like to carry myself?
- How do I want to identify myself as a person?
- What habits are required to make a successful transformation?
Think in terms of solutions and actions, instead of what NOT to do.
When we talk about spending less time with our phones and social media, we often concentrate on this very desire.
We keep using social media constantly while complaining about it afterward.
It is easy to dismiss a social media session as a relevant or innocent session when you listen to that voice saying “don’t worry, everyone is using social media!”.
When you do catch that voice trying to convince you no change is necessary, you don’t want to merely tell yourself: next time I will not go for my phone so quickly!
Go deeper than that.
It’s a great start that you acknowledge your phone use as extreme.
However, to really get that motivation going, you want to have a vision to focus and cling on.
I’m asking you now:
- Why do you really want to use your phone less?
- Why is it so important to use social media less?
- What are you missing out on in your life?
- How is too much tech use preventing you from growing and improving your life?
- For who are you doing this other than yourself? Your spouse? Your children?
- How do you want to use your smartphone and social media?
Get very real about why it is so important to control your phone use.
With this clarity, you want to create a vision for your life where tech is helping you achieve it.
Together with the answers to the questions mentioned earlier, you want to create a clear picture of the steps you need to take to build a new identity for yourself.
Get pulled by a vision of the future.
Turn your back on your phone instead of looking at it while trying to push it away.
Don’t keep your attention on the phone.
Place your attention on something else, and your phone automatically disappears from your thoughts.
Introduce other digital wellbeing strategies such as placing your phone out of sight and the use of the Do Not Disturb option.
Out of sight out of mind.
That’s the beauty of focusing on something very important in your life: the road you’re traveling on to become better every single day.
When you’re so immersed in your own development and evolution, your phone won’t stand a chance to demand your attention like you’re some cute obedient puppy waiting to take orders.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/be-in-awe-of-your-life-and-the-world/
Who doesn’t love flying?
The main experience starts when you enter the airplane while hearing this calm melody and a voice welcoming you aboard.
You look for your seat, put away your hand baggage and finally sit down while looking for the seatbelt.
Some people immediately take their book, send their last messages on their phone, or place earbuds in their ears so they disconnect from that chaos of people finding a spot for their luggage and seats.
Next, that moment arrives where the plane starts taxiing slowly towards the runway.
On the runway, it stops and prepares for takeoff.
When the plane moves with enormous velocity to takeoff, some people stop their activity to fully experience their last minutes in that city while others keep doing what they’re doing.
Most passengers sitting next to the window take a moment to look outside when the plane is ascending.
They experience this feeling of awe, this feeling of reverence and admiration for the world that is becoming smaller and smaller.
Feelings of clarity and awareness kick in, making you realize that you’re actually leaving a city and heading towards your next destination.
There are some key moments that are happening during that moment and the entire trip.
First of all, most people put their phones away.
When they do use their phone (while wi-fi is disabled), there is a clear intention behind the action.
They may change the song they are listening to, look at some photos, or play a game.
We don’t use our phones mindlessly as we are used to when we’re with both feet on the ground.
What’s interesting as well, is that people have to become creative with how they spend their time.
Some passengers play card games, watch movies on their tablets, read a newspaper, eat, or sleep.
Everyone has their own way of making the best use of their time.
It’s nice to see that some start a conversation with a fellow passenger they don’t know.
Not everyone appreciates this of course, but it is positive to see we are able to engage with one another when our phone is not constantly asking for (demanding) our attention.
What really fascinates me personally, is that because you are forced to sit still and wait, your mind travels and starts reflecting.
You’re reflecting on your new adventure, how you left that previous city, whether you will go back one day, if you have spent your time wisely there etc.
Other questions that tend to arise are more existential such as am I making the right move to go to the city I’m going to now, what do I expect from my next adventure, what do I actually expect from my own life, am I happy with my choices and what are my next intentions and goals in my life.
I guess such questions may arise because you are completely disconnected from all the noise below you on planet earth.
You are up in the air completely zoomed out from your life, society, expectations, and responsibilities.
Now there is time to think, reflect, and contemplate.
Now there is time to really go through with yourself what you want for your next steps to be like in your life.
It is really possible to completely zone out, especially when you immerse yourself in the unique view while listening to uplifting or calm music.
You are in awe of your life and the world, similar to the overview effect I imagine.
Such feelings of reverence in the plane are not as powerful probably, but that feeling might be the overview effect’s little cousin.
You think more macro about your life and the world than micro.
The more mindful, intentional, appreciative, and aware you become, the more you are able to resist going for your phone.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/introduce-intermittent-smartphone-fasting-in-your-life/
You may have heard of intermittent fasting.
You choose regular time periods to eat and fast.
For instance, you might try eating only during an 8 hour period each day and fast for the remainder.
Fasting for 16 hours is popular when it comes to intermittent fasting.
You start your breakfast at 9 AM and finish your dinner by 5 PM.
The next time you eat will be breakfast at 9 AM the next day.
I won’t discuss the pros and cons here, but this is a popular and interesting concept that is followed by many.
Intermittent smartphone fasting has basically that very same definition.
You choose regular time periods on a daily basis to use your smartphone.
For example, you are allowed to use your phone between 7 PM and 9 PM.
Create such time periods for your daily mornings, afternoons, and evenings.
I can imagine you won’t introduce a 16 hours fasting period, but you may introduce a 10 hour fasting period from 10 PM to 8 AM.
Then you will control how your evening ends and not your phone.
You choose the last message or person you see and not your phone.
The same applies to mornings.
You wake up and decide what the first message is that you will see that sets you up for the day.
Too many people allow their smartphones to decide where their focus should go first thing in the morning, with what feelings and thoughts they should start the day.
Take control over your evenings and mornings by implementing this type of fasting.
Stop using your phone at 10 PM and only check it again at 8 AM the next day when you have taken care of your morning habits.
Let’s not forget, you can also implement intermittent social media fasting.
You dedicate a time slot where you are allowed to use social media or where you are not allowed to use social media.
Or what about intermittent Instagram fasting for example.
Set the alarm that reminds you to initiate the fast and one that reminds you to end it.
Decide after the experience if you want to increase or decrease the fasting.
What matters is, that you train your willpower to not touch your smartphone, social media, or a particular app during the fast that you have agreed with yourself for your own benefit.
Screen Time for the iPhone and Digital Wellbeing for Android can help you with that by setting time limits for your apps.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/delete-the-social-media-app-when-youre-done/
Reducing your phone use has a lot to do about what apps you have installed on it.
Remove all apps and you will use your phone less.
No surprise there.
What we really want is to be able to use our phones less while all apps remain installed.
This is possible but requires some reprogramming of our habits.
You want to add some friction to make it harder for yourself to use an app.
When you’re able to use the app more mindful, you can keep it installed.
Although there are many cases where people don’t want to reinstall certain apps.
They are so aware of how time is wasted on an app, they don’t want to see it on their smartphone anymore.
What is important is that you start to pay attention to how and when you use the app.
A strategy you can use is to delete the app after you’re done using it.
That’s it.
Let’s say that now, this very minute, you open the Facebook app.
You can use it as you please, but you have to delete it when you finish.
Now you start to be more mindful of your use.
Your thinking will be future-oriented, meaning you anticipate opening it another 4 times, so you do all the necessary tasks now that you normally would do 10 minutes later when you open the app again.
When you’re done, you delete the app.
BUT!
When you want to use the app again, you download it again.
That’s it. That’s the strategy.
When you go through that whole process of opening Google Play or the App Store, you’re going to think twice before opening and closing the app!
You will use the app with more intention now.
The whole habit of opening the app is so ingrained in your system, that you will look for it at random moments.
Since you won’t find it, you get out of the “programming”.
You “wake up” because the app isn’t there anymore.
That’s how you become more self-aware.
This is a prerequisite for change to happen.
You want to make the unconscious conscious.
it’s fine to reinstall the app and use it again, as long as you delete it again when you close it.
Unprogram yourself to tap the Tik Tok app just because you wanted to check the weather.
Get out of this app cycle habit where you have to go through 5 apps before locking your phone again.
Train yourself to be more mindful.
Take control over the apps instead of them controlling you.
So choose which apps you want to use for this strategy and start deleting them after you’ve opened them.
Later on, you can always decide whether you want to leave certain apps permanently deleted.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/move-an-online-relationship-to-the-offline-world/
It is much easier to fool someone online than offline.
Online you can tell any person any story you want since all you need to do is typing the words.
While typing you can decide to beautify particular details or invent details to spice up your story.
I mean…who will find out right?
The level of anonymity makes it much easier to fool people. To manipulate people.
When you’re naive or haven’t experienced blunders online, you may find yourself believing a story a bit too quickly.
What’s different now in comparison to many years ago, is that video conversations are very common now.
Many years ago, it was normal to be talking, “falling in love”, and establishing a (romantic) relationship with someone while never having seen that person on video, let alone in real life.
We were sending each other photos of course, but enabling the webcam wasn’t always common.
As you’ve probably guessed, sending a photo is easy. Who will know if it is really you in that photo!?
You can easily send fake photos and the person won’t know.
Nowadays we video call and get to know each other that way.
Starting a romantic relationship online is the new normal, and I definitely support that.
What can be troubling, is when people keep their engagement online.
Of course, now with the pandemic, it is much harder to meet each other in the real world.
But even in a time where people could only associate corona with a beer brand, people often hesitate to meet offline.
Meeting someone in the offline world is vital.
You will want to put yourself in a position where you can feel that person’s energy and witness their body language, attitude, and behavior.
I’ve heard people say they are in love and have a girlfriend or boyfriend for 2 years, but have never met in real life yet.
Some couples that do finally decide to meet in person, find themselves disappointed in each other due to a mismatch between the actual person and the person they thought they were.
The click just isn’t there somehow. Not that this happens all the time of course.
There are many success stories of people who meet online and end up in marriage.
Do keep in mind: do your best to meet the person you’ve met in the virtual world in the real world.
When you meet someone on Tinder or Bumble for example, make sure you go for that first date as quickly as possible.
Not that you should ask the person to meet up after 2 text messages, but after a few days of exchanging text messages which represent mutual interest, you will want to ask that question.
Ask that simple question: let’s meet up for a coffee?
You can only go to the next level in your relationship when you have been in each other’s company.
When you have embraced one another and when you have looked in each other’s eyes without a screen in your midst.
Don’t assume that technology can help you with everything.
Screens won’t be always around to save you.
Rely on yourself and be confident that the person will like the real you and vice versa in real life.
When someone is reluctant to meet you and keeps making excuses why they are not able to, something is up.
Be firm with the standards you uphold for yourself and don’t kid yourself while trying to ignore the red alerts.
Be careful not to be all in love while thinking your boyfriend or girlfriend you’ve met online is perfect, it is easy to display “perfection” online.
It is easy to come up with your own story.
No wonder why so many people are manipulated and realize this too late, unfortunately.
Who doesn’t love food!?
A life without the pleasures of food will undoubtedly be less exciting.
Food is one of the many go-to factors of life that we can feel easily grateful for.
Like with anything, good high-quality food takes time.
Patience, care, and dedication are required like with everything else that is great in life.
No wonder we post dishes on social media, especially when we don’t really know what else to post about!
Food always does well. Most of the time.
Especially when you’re in a totally different continent where you witness meals you didn’t know could look like that!
When I see a photo of a dish that someone posted, I’m keen to check if the person is mentioning the ingredients.
If the goal is to teach, then they are included.
Oftentimes the photo represents a moment of “the good life”.
Nothing wrong with that.
What is fascinating though is the number of effort people put into taking and posting these photos.
I’ve been in various restaurants where I see people treating taking a simple photo as some complex project that has to be right.
Sometimes there are levels of stress involved.
In those moments I wonder: why do you find it important to take that photo? Who are you doing this for?
This process can take quite some time…
The angle isn’t right, or dozens of photos have to be taken first.
That’s not the end of it of course.
Now there is the challenge to choose the best one!
When that’s finally done, there is some extra contemplation regarding which filters would match perfectly with that photo.
Of course, this entire process has to happen right there and then.
This is not a process that is happening after the meal.
As you can guess, sometimes the food gets cold and the stress continues.
Now the person doesn’t stress because they have to post the meal on social media, they stress because they have to eat fast.
Witnessing this whole undertaking does make me think: where does this desire to share with everyone real-time come from!?
Why does everyone need to know right here right now?
This is just an example of why we miss out on opportunities to enjoy the moment.
We bring extra concerns with us no matter where we are or what we do.
We feel the world needs to know what we do and they should know it now.
Relax.
The world can wait.
Yes, your meal looks fantastic, but the only person who will eat it is you.
Take that photo if you want, but then put your phone back in your pocket.
Leave it there during your entire restaurant experience.
Savor the food. Enjoy the smell and taste.
Be one with your meal and the person at your table.
Don’t invite the world to such intimate moments.
Own those moments.
A joyful life is just a series of happy moments.
Allow the happy moments and stop being busy trying to get a joyful life.
Experiencing such great moments right there and then, that’s the key to a happy life.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/ask-yourself-the-right-social-media-questions/
When we approach someone or meet someone, questions will be asked.
You ask questions to get information from that person.
The more information you gain, the more opportunity there is to connect with the person.
You learn about the person. You understand what the person is about it.
You find out if this person is someone you want to talk to again.
The above mostly happens when the questions are right.
The better the questions, the more you may understand how someone operates on an emotional and spiritual level.
While we do ask questions, we don’t always ask deeper ones.
This doesn’t only apply to others, but to ourselves as well.
While the whole concept of why asking questions is a no-brainer, it’s interesting that we don’t ask clear questions to ourselves.
We don’t really have such deep conversations with ourselves.
If we have established that we ask questions to know one another, why don’t we attempt to know ourselves better?
Why don’t we get to ask the hard questions to ourselves?
We may have many answers to deep questions, but are we actually conscious of those answers?
Have we really contemplated challenging questions we don’t always dare to ask others?
Asking questions is a vital activity that we should be taking on.
This is one of the reasons why people journal: to have a conversation with oneself, to gain clarity of one’s own feelings and answers.
It isn’t always comfortable. No wonder we oftentimes avoid asking the hard questions to ourselves.
We may know the answer but we don’t like it, we don’t want to be thinking about it.
When you’re not happy with your social media and phone use, it’s time to ask yourself some questions.
Ask yourself the following questions after a phone session or social media session:
- What have I learned? Have I learned something?
- Has this session benefited me in any way? What have I gained from this?
- How do I feel about it? Did I feel happy about it? Do I still?
- Have I built a connection with someone? Has this improved a relationship?
Get honest with yourself.
Write your answers down.
Get a clear look at those answers, have them out there.
Carefully analyze the results after each session and see what activities you should reduce.
Make it clear to yourself why you want and should reduce your screen time.
Make it clear to yourself how you want to use social media and your phone.
How do you want both to enhance your life?
Go deep and confront yourself.
With clarity comes power.
It might be provoking at first, but the result is that you will feel a lot more comfortable with yourself.
You can be yourself when you know yourself.
Besides, the better you get in asking questions to yourself, the better you understand what questions are useful when you meet someone you really want to connect with.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/leave-your-smartphone-dormant-at-a-concert/
Our phones have amazing high-quality cameras.
The need for a separate device to film events, trips, and priceless moments is long gone.
The smartphone brought many devices to old school level or made them simply obsolete.
Combine that with the fact that a smartphone is not as heavy as a 90s camera, and you understand why people can hold smartphones for hours just to document every single second of an event.
A few years ago when I went to Coldplay’s concert, I noticed how many fans were filming with their device.
That didn’t surprise me, what did was for how long they were actually filming.
There were fans who felt the need to document every single song for at least a few seconds.
When you add up all those minutes, you realize how much of the performance was witnessed through a screen.
You’re there, with all the people around you, listening to music and watching a performance, but then decide to experience all that glamour through that little screen.
I totally understand when you want to record a moment or two with your smartphone, but why focus on documenting the whole thing?
Not only that, some decide it’s a good idea to share all these moments on social media right there and then.
One post okay, but 10?
I wonder how many times someone will look back at those videos.
It’s fun for the first few days, but anything that I film personally I don’t look back anymore.
In case I want to watch the concert back, I’ll just go on Youtube and find a professional or at least a better quality video that I can enjoy.
When you’re witnessing a breathtaking one-of-a-kind event, you don’t want to be thinking of tech for more than 5% of your time.
Enjoy and savor the moment.
Allow your eyes to witness the magic and be in awe of the energy that you feel around you, that you are participating in.
Don’t disconnect yourself from the collective experience.
Don’t disconnect from that moment you are sharing with your friends.
When you use your smartphone, you don’t experience that level of immersion your friends are experiencing.
They will have both hands in the air to enhance the immersion, not because they want to document anything.
Don’t think too much about “I need to share this” or “I need to save this”!
Take a few clips and put that device away.
Do both yourself and the artist a favour: don’t have it in your hands the entire time!
Scrolling is an addictive activity.
The same applies to swiping on a dating app, you just don’t know when to stop.
You tell yourself okay this is the last post I see or the last person that I will swipe left or right.
But somehow you’re still scrolling or swiping 5 minutes later.
Swiping on a dating app has a clear purpose: to connect with someone, however that connection may look like.
When we scroll however, we don’t really know what to expect. Will we see a post, a photo, a video, a quote?
What will that say, why has that person posted that, what is someone random up to in their lives or at this very moment?
That anticipation of a potential funny or shocking post makes us keep scrolling.
We are curious human beings, and scrolling is a superb way to distract ourselves.
You can escape yourself and your life, similar to when you’re watching a TV show.
Only with scrolling you don’t know what surprises await you in that loooong news feed.
It keeps going and going….
Now some social media platforms tell you when you’ve seen everything.
Instagram for example tells you when you’re all caught up.
I have not encountered this message yet, but that’s probably because I don’t scroll often.
Sadly we scroll and scroll when we are not alone.
There are people around us, but somehow we care more for the online persona’s of our friends, strangers, and influencers.
The problem is not so much that we scroll when we’re not alone, it’s that we scroll too much while we should pay attention to our offline environment.
We show more interest in the people who we wouldn’t even call when we are in trouble than the people who really matter to us.
It’s easy to take the people for granted who you see every day.
Friction happens in households which causes uncomfortable situations.
Instead of discussing this friction, the discomfort incentives us to take our phone and scroll.
To see how everyone else is doing in comparison to ourselves.
We don’t ask relevant questions anymore.
We may ask if someone can do the dishes or how their day was, but it doesn’t get deeper than that.
Scroll offline more.
Be interested in the lives of your nearest and dearest.
Notice what they say and don’t say.
Are they doing fine? Are they happy?
Are you helping them or supporting them with their endeavors?
It’s okay to check the virtual world and see what everyone decided to share with their friends and fans.
Let’s not forget though that our offline world needs as much scrolling as well.
That level of curiosity. That level of interest. That level of care.
The next step after noticing and paying attention is to offer any support or to simply acknowledge that person’s efforts.
Go for deeper questions. Deeper conversations.
Show that person in the offline world that you’re able to laser focus on them too.
Gift them with your presence and attention.
Whatever happens to the people in the virtual world won’t have an immediate impact on you.
Make sure that the people you’re surrounded by, love, and cherish, feel supported by you.
Let them feel comfortable, heard, and understood.
Their happiness is your happiness.
Take care of your own offline environment first, that’s where you are most of the time after all.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/assign-certain-tasks-to-certain-devices/
Those days that we only have 1 screen to entertain ourselves with are long over.
With the advent of the television we started to program ourselves that it is perfectly fine and normal to look at a screen for a couple of hours.
Then the personal computer made its introduction which was great for processing, but too boring to use for many hours in a row.
Soon afterward the internet become mainstream which changed everything!
Now it was really fun to be on our computer!
We could communicate with others and let magic appear in front of our eyes by typing a few words and a few clicks.
In those days it was normal to write BRB aka Be Right Back.
You couldn’t bring the computer to the toilet, let alone outdoors.
The flip phones and feature phones made their introduction and slowly we got used to looking at a screen in the open air.
Not that we did this for long, a game of Snake could only last so long before it got boring.
With the advent of the smartphone in 2007, it seemed we were ready to increase our focus on those little screens wherever we are.
Of course, let’s not forget the tablet which became a popular household product as well.
So there is the television (with game consoles connected), laptops, computers, smartphones, tablets, handheld consoles…
There are so many screens in our lives that would love our attention!
It can certainly get messy. It’s hard to focus on just 1 screen for 2 hours straight.
Multitasking with 2 or 3 devices involved is the norm rather than the exception.
The biggest problem maker is undoubtedly the smartphone.
Write down what activities you are doing on that small device.
Make a list.
Now assign a few of those activities to other devices like the tablet or laptop.
Do you want to play games? Assign this task to a game console, handheld console or tablet.
Do you use Facebook a lot? Assign this task to a laptop.
Do you email in the evening? Assign this task to a laptop or desktop.
Outsource as many tasks as possible to other screens.
Don’t be all over the place with your activities.
Don’t play games on multiple devices. Pick 1 device and when you play on it, play well.
Max out every activity and you do that by being mindful of it.
Don’t do a little bit of a lot.
Be super conscious that you’re going to read your emails now.
Be super conscious that you will scroll and comment on Tik Tok now for 30 minutes.
When you have assigned certain tasks, delete apps on your phone that are redundant now.
Have you assigned Twitter to your laptop? Remove the Twitter app from your phone.
Too hard? Then start by using your laptop to post tweets and your phone to read tweets only.
Small steps are fine, as long as it is a step.
You can make a list of activities for every device so you know exactly what to expect from yourself.
You just want to pick your most popular device and outsource multiple activities to those other devices.
The ultimate goal is to use your smartphone less so you can enjoy your offline life a lot more.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/use-email-filters-in-iphones-mail-app/
Smartphones are marvelous.
Smartphones are fantastic and enhance our lives in such unique ways.
There are so many opportunities for grabs because of our smartphones.
The invention is so phenomenal, that we often get a little bit too excited…
We want to use it all the time!!
If only we would be able to regain control over our smartphone use!
Luckily this is possible, that’s what this website is all about!
We don’t need to put our phones away permanently.
It’s not necessary to live like a Luddite and be busy dodging and hating technology.
What a relief that is!
We just need to use smartphones and their apps more wisely, more effectively.
In case we use an app multiple times a day, we want to know exactly how to use it effectively.
You want to get to the settings for example and check all the available options.
Let’s talk about iPhone’s Mail app and one simple feature: filtering.
When you open the Mail app and you’re in any box like your inbox, you see the filter option at the bottom left corner.
When you tap that symbol with the 3 lines in it, you immediately see in the middle below Filtered By:
When you tap there, you can select specific filters like emails that are Unread or emails that are Flagged.
There are more filter options like Only from VIP or Only Mail With Attachments.
When you tap done, you see the inbox with the filters applied.
When you tap the filter symbol again, the list with all emails returns.
By the way, You find the flag option by tapping the arrow icon at the bottom when you’re in an email message.
So many interesting options can be found in the apps we use the most, it is vital we are aware of those.
So don’t miss out on my videos and blogs to stay updated!
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/use-privacy-shortcuts-facebook-app/
Facebook is known for its many (hidden) settings that are actually very important to be aware of!
Facebook’s mission is to connect you to the world.
In other words, many default settings of your profile cater to this very mission.
Is this a good thing? I don’t believe it is.
Facebook users should consciously decide when they make their content available to friends of friends, strangers, the entire world basically.
They should realize how a setting may influence their own behavior on the platform.
Many users don’t really know or understand what people see and what is private.
People create a Facebook account and simply copy other people’s actions on the platform.
You really do not want to see your profile filled with photos posted by others just because they tagged you.
Some details you may want to keep between you and friends or even to yourself.
Luckily there is a way to quickly go through all the privacy settings.
You find a handy tool called Privacy Shortcuts in the settings of your Facebook profile.
You tap the hamburger menu below and you go to Settings & Privacy.
Now tap Privacy Shortcuts.
Here you can check and modify the following settings:
- Privacy
Location, who can see what you share, data settings * Account security
Change password, use two-factor authentication * Ad preferences
Which ad topics to see fewer, which ads to hide * Your Facebook information
Manage your information, see your activity log * Safety
Find resources for parents, help prevent bullying
If you haven’t checked your privacy settings yet in your account, make that your priority number 1 when opening the app.
Whether you’re in or out of your house, you make sure it’s safe and secure right. Especially when it’s bedtime.
Treat your personal online environment similarly.
Take your privacy seriously and take ownership of your own online space and presence.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/enable-two-step-verification-in-whatsapp/
I won’t tap dance around this very important message:
Whenever you can: enable the two-step verification option.
There is no way around it.
It is super important that you secure all your accounts, whether they are social media accounts, email accounts, messaging accounts gaming accounts, etc.
Don’t wait. Don’t postpone this.
Make hacking into your account as complex as possible.
People will try to hack other people’s profiles, and since you use yours a lot you better protect them.
In this blog I will explain how to add this very important security step in WhatsApp:
Go to Settings, tap Account, tap Two-step verification, tap Enable.
Enter a six-digit PIN of your choice and confirm it.
Enter an email address (you won’t be asked to verify it) or tap Skip if you don’t want to.
According to WhatsApp, if you don’t add an email address and you forget your PIN, you’ll have to wait 7 days before you can reset your PIN.
Now you’ll need to enter your PIN when registering your phone number with WhatsApp again.
In future blogs, I’ll go over how to set up two-step verification aka 2-factor authentication in other platforms.
However, do already check in your social media account and email accounts if this option is available (it probably is!).
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/enable-ghost-mode-in-snapchat/
If you would go back in time to 1952 and tell people how much information we are sharing with another in our present time 2020, they may be thinking we are stalking each other.
The good citizens of 1952 will probably think why we care so much about sharing so much info about ourselves.
I can imagine that today there are still people who wonder: why do you share so much private information about yourself and your life?
Why would I care?
Why would you think that I care?
Why would you care?
The reality is that people love to show that they are interesting, that they matter.
Sometimes the information can be useful in certain situations of course.
What about the Snapchat Ghost Mode option?
You have probably heard of Snap Map when you use Snapchat.
On Snap Map you can see where all your friends are, you can see their locations.
Not only can you see their location, but they can also see yours too.
Unless you enable Ghost Mode!
When you enable this option, you can choose who is allowed to see your location.
You can choose the option Only Me, meaning your location won’t be visible to anyone else on the map.
You can choose a duration of 3 hours, 24 hours and Until Turned Off.
Or you can choose specific friends to share your location with.
The friends you select aren’t notified when you choose them
Or you can choose to share your location with all of your friends, including friends you add in the future.
You find Ghost Mode by tapping the gear button in the top-right corner of the Map screen.
Revealing your location doesn’t need to be a problem and can be functional actually, but…does everyone really have to know where you are all the time?
How do you really feel about that?
You may want to start to be at least selective with who can see your location.
Let’s not make a habit of handing over our privacy so easily just because we can.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/increase-the-playback-speed-of-youtube-videos/
As they say: time is money.
Time is valuable.
You can lose money but you can always make money.
Time passes, but we can never create more time or buy more time.
The sand in the hourglass is moving downward, we just don’t know how fast.
Life could end in 60 years or tomorrow perhaps.
We only know for sure that it will all be over one day.
When you love, cherish and appreciate your life, that may be a sad thought.
The power of this fact is that it gives us the opportunity to live our lives to the fullest.
To live our lives mindfully and with intention.
If we could speed up certain things to save time, would you do it?
Well, luckily we can speed up YouTube videos!
There are multiple speeds: 1.25, 1.5, 1.75, and 2.
I suggest speeding the video to at least 1.25.
You will still be able to understand everything the person is saying.
If the person is communicating slowly, you may go for 1.5 or even 2.
it is also possible to slow down the video if you’re following a tutorial closely for example.
In the browser, you find this playback speed option by clicking on the gear icon below the video.
On your device, you want to tap the ellipsis (3 dots) to find the playback speed option.
Of course, this option is not always recommended!
When you listen to your favorite songs this option is an absolute no-go!
But for any other type of content (even my videos that’s fine :-D), you will definitely want to make this option a habit.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/dont-keep-hiding-online-because-of-fear-of-judgement/
The ego, that voice in our mind is super clever.
It comes up with very good reasons why you should not do something.
You might feel this burning desire to act on a particular idea you are having, but that voice has the power to quickly dismiss it.
The voice tries to protect you. It does what it thinks is in your best interest.
We just believe that story way too quickly.
Ultimately it often comes down to fear.
We want to learn, teach, inspire and act.
As we know, social media is a fantastic vehicle to share your personality, brand and mission.
That’s the way I love to use social media!
To use social media in such a way that it will enhance your life, not limit your life.
When you use social media mindfully because there is a certain objective, I fully support that.
If you use social media every day for multiple hours you must be good at it, at least better than I am I’m sure!
While you’re logged in anyway, why not strategize your social media skills?
Are you thinking of creating makeup tutorials?
Do you want to help people with social anxiety?
Does it look fun to show people how certain games are played?
Then go for it!
When this voice seeps in to convince you not to show yourself, acknowledge that voice and do it anyway.
People will never be able to go to the next level if they listen to that subconscious part of the brain.
Consciously you may say out loud that you do want to sing songs and post on Youtube, but those subconscious beliefs may hinder you instead.
The sad truth is that we don’t even realize this and take it seriously.
The best thing you can do is to talk back to that voice. Literally.
Yes it might be scary, but I choose courage instead
I don’t want to live my life with regrets
I deserve better in my life
I refuse to play it small
I’m ready to learn from my mistakes and understand that no one gets anything right the first time!
I choose day one instead of one day
No negative comments will hold me back
There are literally 0 people in this world who have received only positive feedback.
That just doesn’t happen. Not on our planet.
With the amount of misery that is unfortunately present in our society, we shouldn’t be surprised really.
Negative feedback can be expected. People will judge you. It’s never collectively okay.
You sit at home all day and people say you’re lazy.
You work on weekends and people say you’re not taking care of yourself.
People always have something to say.
That’s why it is imperative that you are in love with yourself.
If you wait for the good comments to feel good about yourself, you’re also going to believe the bad ones.
Do it for yourself. Know why you’re going to post 3 videos a day where you’re street dancing.
Let people say whatever they want.
It’s easy to criticize others when you’re watching Stranger Things and playing it small in life.
The people you want to surround yourself with will support you. They understand the struggles.
They have similar ambitions, they want to pursue their fullest potential too.
Don’t underestimate yourself. Aim to impress yourself.
Reframe “what if they reject me or don’t like me” to “what if people like my dance moves and skills!”
Now that’s a thought that you want to stick to because there really is bliss on the other side of fear.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/dont-allow-the-google-effect-to-make-your-brain-lazy/
Having a supercomputer with you at all times offers astonishing advantages.
It’s not hard to appear as the smartest person in the room when you’re allowed to use your phone.
That small device can show you anything you want to know.
It takes literally seconds to unlock your phone, open an app, and enter a query.
Do you think you have a silly question? Guess what, there is already someone out there who wondered that very same thing and asked Google already!
You can find an answer to any question, literally any question.
How beautiful that may sound, this can also be a trap.
If this supercomputer is 24/7 eager to do all the exploring, contemplating, and thinking for you, why on earth would you do it yourself?
Unfortunately, the consequence is that people don’t bother to remember anymore.
If your device can be used in mere seconds, why taking the time to remember stuff?
That’s the trap of technology.
Although technology is facilitating our lives in ways we never imagined before, we feel the unconscious tendency to invest less in our own power and capabilities.
Imagine your leg is replaced by a robotic leg.
With this robotic leg, you can run faster and jump higher.
An amazing experience and advantage you would say!
Nevertheless, you simultaneously stop relying on your own human leg.
No effort is required anymore, your robot leg says I got this.
When you take off the robotic leg, your human leg will be undoubtedly very weak.
You haven’t used it.
That is what happens when we rely on tech too much.
We outsource our own brains and power to technology.
We become less self-reliant and more dependent.
This phenomenon where you have the tendency to forget information is called the Google effect.
Other names are digital amnesia and digital dementia, which basically mean a decline in cognition and short-term memory loss.
We human beings are creative. We need time and space to reflect, contemplate, and brainstorm.
These powers should not be taken over by any form of tech.
Technology definitely enhances our lives, but it shouldn’t bluntly take over our vital cognition-related tasks.
Technology has the power to distract us, to lure us in, to program us, to tempt us, to make us think it sincerely cares for us.
It doesn’t.
If it was up to tech, you will use your every precious minute utilizing it in one way or another.
Don’t underestimate your brain. Don’t forget that it’s a supercomputer too!
Remain cognizant that if you don’t utilize this supercomputer of yours….its power declines.
When you don’t use technology for a while, nothing happens in most cases.
It’s no big deal. It can wait for years to show off all the tricks it is capable of when you turn it on again.
Your brain is another story though.
Neural connections relating to any challenge need strengthening, neurons wire together fire together.
Those neural pathways that are used when facing a challenge need to get more rigid so it becomes easier to do the task (which hopefully benefits you!).
Train your brain to get better, because if you don’t, it’s going to excel at just being average.
Use tech yes, use all its benefits yes, but don’t go for your phone instantly when you need to know something.
Contemplate. Remember. Pause and think. Let that brain motor operate on full power. Trust your own supercomputer.
It can benefit your own life in ways any external supercomputer will never can.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/are-conspiracy-theories-worth-your-time/
You can find all sorts of information online.
When you open YouTube to find a simple answer to a simple question, you never know what it could recommend you next.
YouTube doesn’t necessarily try to lead you to content that is an exact copy of what you’re currently watching.
What it tries to do is simply lure you into a potential rabbit hole that will keep you on YouTube for the next 3 hours.
Topics that are recommended to you may indirectly relate to your (past) search queries or the current video you’re watching.
What often happens, is that the platform will offer you content that may come from “crazy town”.
What I mean by that is you may encounter content that may be disturbing, unconventional, or controversial.
This doesn’t mean that the content presented is not true, but it can be “out there” for many viewers.
Many of such posts are considered conspiracy theories.
Nowadays many speak of conspiracy theories regarding the pandemic.
I will be the last to confirm what is true or not true.
This blog is not about what I believe or don’t believe.
I respect everyone’s opinions and to be honest, I can’t confirm if someone is right or wrong.
There is no way for me to check what is factual and what’s not.
Of course, I may have an opinion, but it is just an opinion.
This may be true for me, but I can’t guarantee that it is the ultimate truth.
Openmindedness is key which makes me open to hear about various perspectives people may have.
My preference is to ask questions, why would someone think and say that, why would the person be so certain about what they are saying.
So because I don’t really bother myself to find out what is really true or not, I don’t tend to dwell on such theories.
There are many theories to be found online about all sorts of subjects, but I personally don’t spend a lot of time reading them.
Honestly, trying to find out the truth about me, what I’m about, what my weaknesses and strengths are is a full-time job in and of itself.
For myself there is little time to focus on what others may have said or done, or better, I decide not to spend more time than I’m willing to invest on such matters.
People may come to me and share their passions and interests which may be “conspiracy” theories, but I won’t actively research them.
I know that there is a lot going on that many (including me) don’t know about, but it hasn’t immediate effect on my life.
The reason I don’t talk about what may happen, or that someone is alive, or that some event didn’t happen at all, is that when we do find out the truth, it won’t affect my life so drastically probably.
If the moon landing hasn’t happened after all, well…I will still be living the same life.
If (or when) the outcomes of such theories present themselves I doubt that they will influence my life in any way.
There are exceptions however, there are so many theories about the pandemic regarding where the virus comes from and if vaccines are truly helpful. This is an example of a theory that would definitely impact many lives including mine if they were true.
It’s noble and encouraging that people voice their concerns and don’t just believe what they see and hear on television.
The flip side is you want to be careful that you don’t find yourself in an echo chamber where one theory or opinion is voiced repeatedly.
Stay open-minded, listen to different perspectives, think critically and logically, and make up your own mind.
Just be careful that you don’t spend so much of your precious time convincing others of your truth or that you stay stuck in the pursuit of the real truth.
Whether you are right or wrong, you want to ask yourself if it will really matter in your life.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/idolize-yourself-instead-of-online-influencers/
Being a spectator of other people’s lives is easy.
We spend lots of hours finding out what other people did, bought, or said.
The more uncomfortable we feel about ourselves, the more we tend to look external.
When scrolling, we see envy-inducing posts from our friends and especially influencers.
Posts that make us say to ourselves: wow I wish I had that! I wish I could do that!
We go to our friends and discuss all those wonderful excentric lives we see online.
Or we are by ourselves and get more and more miserable because of that large contrast.
The more “success and happiness” you see online, the harder it looks to achieve that.
Witnessing these differences between your own life and the lives of others is not a healthy activity.
No wonder we compare and despair.
The more we expose ourselves to their lives, the more impossible it feels to introduce radical change in our lives.
Or at least it feels impossible to “achieve” a version of happiness and success that resonates with you.
That’s another problem.
Influencers make us believe living the good life is happiness and success.
We start to believe we need at least a million dollars to achieve some levels of happiness.
Or that yacht, or the ability to fly around the world 20 times a year for example.
The perception that is created about happiness and success is a distorted one.
We don’t realize happiness and success are not “achieved” at some point.
It’s very depressing when you compare your “normal and boring” life to theirs I get it.
So you want to consciously decide to stop idolizing them.
Stop looking at their profiles all the time. Unfollow them.
All that energy you spend on idolizing them should be spent on activities that influence your own life.
My strategy is to idolize my future self instead.
I carefully think about what he is doing, with who he is hanging around, what he is saying etc.
It’s that vision that I look up to. It’s that vision of my future self that I’m guided by.
The “happiness and success” that is displayed online can be used as fuel or inspiration that’s fine, but I don’t get sad or obsessed by them without taking some form of action.
When I see influencers chilling by the pool, I don’t get jealous, dream, and wish for it, I get inspired.
If I like what I see and it really resonates with me, I incorporate that swimming pool in the vision of my future self, surroundings, and circumstances.
Never will I think that I can’t achieve those results.
Never will I think they are better than me.
Never will I think that my destiny is to stay where I am.
My focus is on my future self and I love to idolize him.
What I love more though, is the journey to actually become him.
Don’t get jealous and down when you see posts of influencers living “the life”, get inspired and start by switching from scrolling to actually building that vision of your own future self.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/go-to-war-with-yourself/
This year (2020) I’ve read the book Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins.
That’s the beauty of reading books from different writers:
The ultimate message is the same, but there are so many ways of explaining just 1 concept.
David Goggins has his own way of inspiring and motivating which doesn’t resonate with everyone.
That’s not the goal anyway, but I appreciate learning from all these different perspectives that lead to that 1 universal message: you can do it.
One of the lessons I learned from the book, is to go to war with yourself.
This may sound harsh, but it does make complete sense.
At the end of the day, we are our own worse enemy.
We are in our own way.
We are confined by the walls that we build ourselves.
It is important that we don’t keep tap dancing around the truth.
There is a voice in our mind that knows us very well.
It knows what to tell us when we feel the motivation to do something scary.
For a minute the feeling and thought of “yes I’ll change my life!” excite us, till that voice takes over.
That voice that says: that’s too hard, you’re too old, that takes way too much time, it’s stupid anyway, this will go wrong that will go wrong, etc.
It is very smart, we don’t even realize that the voice merely wants to prevent us from failing.
So it believes it is better not to try at all and convinces you of this very detrimental opinion.
Go to war with this voice.
Hear this voice and understand that you are not this voice.
It’s a voice that was programmed in you.
It’s a voice that was created during the imprinting, modeling, and mirroring stages of your life.
This voice is sadly responsible for anyone not achieving their goals.
True you can’t be anything you want, but you can be everything you are.
Therefore it is necessary to beat this voice.
Override it. Don’t listen to it. Let a different stronger uplifting voice speak louder.
It takes time to override this voice, but with continuous momentum building and affirmations for example you can train yourself to dial down this detrimental voice drastically.
Get real with yourself.
Expand your mind and become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
You have thoughts and feelings, but you are not your thoughts and feelings.
When you do start to take action, and you fail to meet your own created deadline, don’t beat yourself up.
You do not want to forget to be kind to yourself and appreciate you have taken those first steps.
Let’s use the smartphone as an example.
When you plan to use your phone for one hour per evening instead of the 4 hours that you are normally using your device, the voice in your mind will try to take over your mind.
It will make you doubt all the reasons which are responsible for wanting to use the device for one hour only in the first place.
When your phone use is improving and you have used it for 2 hours instead of 4 or 1, don’t beat yourself up.
Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend.
Acknowledge that you are trying and that it may take time to reduce your tech use to 2 hours.
Don’t get angry and quit because “you will never succeed anyway” or “because well what’s the point!”
The opposite side of that spectrum is that you stay serious about your objective.
So keep trying and doing. Stay focused and do your best to reduce your phone use to 2 hours.
Take your mission seriously.
Keep a level of strictness so you don’t get complacent.
The key here is to find that harmony between acknowledging your success and keeping in mind that you can and should do better.
Letting yourself off the hook can result in victimizing yourself.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/look-for-the-benefits-while-experiencing-the-big-pause/
The pandemic is well underway and the situation is getting more hopeful with each week passing.
Not everywhere, but in most countries.
Hopefully, we can welcome 2022 with not only open arms but with the opportunity to feel the arms of society as well.
This Big Pause as this pandemic is called, has changed the world forever.
What is interesting is that lately, I hear many stories of people who want to continue to “run less” in their lives in the post-pandemic era.
Of course, we will be more out and about when the pandemic is over, but we don’t like this notion of being all over the place again.
There are many lessons that we have learned or are still learning.
We have learned how we behave in such circumstances, what we value, our coping mechanisms, who our friends are, what we want, who we want to be, what we regret, and more.
This was a major advantage of the pandemic.
Corona forced us to stop running. To stop being all over the place. To stop living on autopilot, to live unconsciously.
Many of our patterns were severely interrupted.
Many automatic programs were forced to halt.
We had to “wake up” and get creative about how to deal with this new challenge.
The question begs, what have you learned about yourself and your life?
Are you proud of the way you handled this pandemic and how you spent time with your nearest and dearest?
Have you kept your eye on the silver lining of the pandemic or were you constantly complaining about the situation?
Have you created the opportunity to bond with others and yourself, or have you made many attempts to escape this current reality?
There are some who started to work on that website or music they have been thinking about for some time, others have watched every single series on Netflix and Amazon Prime.
It’s hard to be with just ourselves, so experiencing this Big Pause has certainly made it uncomfortable for many of us, to say the least.
When we flip the situation and try to find the silver lining, you can argue that there is no better time for introspection than now.
The truth is you know who you are when no one is watching.
Can you be honest and admit you might not be using your time so wisely?
Or flip it, do you tell yourself you’re doing a good job by doing the best you can in this pandemic?
Don’t worry too much about how much you are using your phone.
Concern yourself more with how and why you are using your smartphone.
As long as you are mindful of your phone use and happy with the activities you are taking on, you can pat yourself on the back.
Small steps.
You don’t need to have your life changed drastically after the pandemic.
Do make sure that once the pandemic is over, you already know how you want to live your life (including how you use your phone!), what is on your bucket list, and who you want to become.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/focus-on-being-one-version-of-yourself-in-the-offline-and-online-world/
The internet is a busy place. Social media is a busy place.
There is always something happening in the virtual world.
When there is a sense of direction of what you should be doing, this busy place is ready to embrace you.
All of our peers are found on the internet, it just takes a few clicks to connect with them.
You’re in the loop now.
No wonder we are slowly adapting ourselves to make our stay in the virtual world more comfortable.
With this level of anonymity and “protection” cyberspace offers, it is easy to write or post anything we want.
Who will know what is true and what is false right!?
Social media has such a blast in luring you in on a daily (if not hourly) basis.
Many take it so seriously, they feel they’re in competition with everyone else.
People sacrifice their time just so they can keep up with their “I’m interesting too” stories.
They create a different persona, an online persona.
When you create one with such a facility, what prevents you from creating another one?
Heck, you can create as many persona’s as you like!
With so many places to visit online, you can create a suitable persona for each “location”.
The problem that can occur is that we take all those versions way too seriously.
It’s exhausting taking care of just oneself aka the real version of you, let alone taking care of multiple versions of ourselves.
It’s tiring I can tell you!
Creating these different versions has a particular objective, and sometimes we are not honest with ourselves about what those objectives are.
We want to fit in, we want to be liked.
While this is understandable, many however are forcing themselves too much to fit into a puzzle.
They are trying to be a circle in a square.
No wonder so many people are depressed, they are completely disconnected from themselves.
This only gets worse when you neglect the offline version of you aka the real you.
The more secure you are about who you are and what you are all about, the more comfortable you become about being that version of yourself, that only version of yourself.
The clearer you become about who you are, what that “version” of you entails, the more opportunities you allow yourself to manifest that will shape and strengthen that version.
You want to be comfortable with yourself wherever you are, in both the online and offline world.
Don’t impress others but impress yourself.
Don’t try to fit in somewhere where you have to let go of what makes you “you”.
Embrace your own journey and expand on that.
Be happy with yourself first instead of sacrificing yourself so others can be “happy” about you.
There is no longevity in that.
Worse, deep levels of unhappiness are found exactly there.
One version of you that’s enough, and a lot less tiring too.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/wanting-it-doesnt-always-result-in-enjoying-it/
We can write a loooong list of things, people and activities, we want to have, do and be.
Although many of such desires should be pursued, not all of them will make our lives necessarily better.
Personally, I love M&Ms yellow and my emotional side would love to eat them every day.
My rational side however tells me I shouldn’t because other wants and desires in my life are far greater and predominant than eating a bag of yellow M&Ms every day.
For example, I want to feel good and healthy and look good and healthy.
These desires outweigh the desire to eat chocolate or a Big King XL burger every day.
Social media and phone use are other examples of activities I may want to do while I know I shouldn’t.
Using a smartphone is in and of itself, not a terrible activity of course.
It can be very pleasant and there is nothing wrong with that.
Nevertheless, going for your phone all the time like an obedient puppy chasing a stick is not a good idea of course.
When a notification pings, we want to go for our device.
After you’ve checked the notification, you may notice that it was in fact an unnecessary activity.
Whatever it was your phone wanted to let you know, could have waited.
Especially when you were focusing on a particular activity or person, checking your phone or social media should have been avoided if you want to stay in your zone or flow.
It is key to make a clear distinction between what you want and what is good for you or what you enjoy.
Yes, I notice I want to go for my phone sometimes but in the act, I stop myself because I know it is not going to be a pleasant experience.
Or I realize that the person in front of me in the offline world is far more important at this very moment, anyone else in the digital world can wait.
The act of phubbing needs avoidance and therefore when I’m with people, I think twice before going for my phone while I actually do want to check it out! (that reflex and those levels of curiosity can be strong!)
But I just don’t do it.
Write down which activities you want to do that you should NOT be doing (at a particular moment).
Get clear about such wants and stay vigilant when these wants to pop up in your mind at any given moment.
Wanting something and enjoying something is not the same. Don’t allow your emotional side to dominate your mind, give it some space to let the rational mind participate in the decision-making process.
Get clear about what it is that you really want, so you’re not going to sacrifice what you want most for what you want now.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/dont-focus-on-others-liking-you/
Personally, I never watch all the rolling credits after finishing a movie.
When I do, I check mainly the names of the actors who played the main characters.
You probably notice that after seeing the names of the main actors, you start seeing e.g. cab driver number 1 or gangster number 2.
You don’t see their names because they weren’t important to the story.
When we look at our own lives, we have to admit that we sometimes hold ourselves back because of people we don’t even know.
It is understandable you care what your nearest and dearest think of you, your actions, aspirations etc.
But why do we care what waiter number 2 will think of us when we take action?
Why staying in our comfort zone because of that fear of judgment, rejection, and being ridiculed by such people?
An explanation does exist, it was important for our survival to be accepted by our tribe. The fear of being excommunicated was real.
Other explanations are that we have suffered traumas regarding rejection, ridicule, and adopting coping mechanisms to deal with detrimental happenings in our household for example.
We train ourselves to pursue being accepted, to avoid confrontation, to avoid rejection, to keep the peace.
This unfortunately means we teach ourselves not to fly as we want in life. We learn to contract, to not be ourselves, and to please others at the cost of our own growth, mindset, and happiness.
The whole notion of dealing with such unpleasant emotions is what makes us stay in our comfort zone. Not that we are conscious of this! No, of course the ego will come up with other stories why you should not take action!
Reasons like: it is too hard, it will take too long, you’re too old, you need lots of money for that etc.
We are good at imagining devastating scenarios which will probably never happen.
That is why it is vital to focus on liking ourselves first, to work on ourselves first.
When your focus is to be liked by others, you will sacrifice your authenticity for attachment.
Why would you want to spend time on social media to create posts so they can be liked by people who you might not even like?
Forget about cab driver number 1 and backing vocalist number 3.
Don’t allow them to have such power over you.
You will one day realize you spent too much time worrying about nothing.
Like and embrace yourself first, any other like on social media is just a bonus.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/your-data-is-used-to-predict-and-control-your-behavior-on-social-media/
If you follow me for a while now, you probably know that you are not Facebook’s customer.
You’re the product.
The advertisers are the customers since they pay money for Facebook’s services.
If it wasn’t SocialMediaBreakup that made you aware of this, it was probably the Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma.
Facebook wants our data so they can sell that data to the advertisers and make money.
That’s why social media isn’t free.
We don’t pay with money but we do pay with our time and data.
Social media companies don’t want our data just so they can sell it to advertisers though.
Another reason is that the more they know about us, the better their prediction models become.
The more they know about us, the better they can predict what we like or how we feel before we are aware of these interests and feelings ourselves!
That’s why the content you see in the news feeds is not always content you enjoy seeing.
Nor is that content directly correlated to the content that you are currently consuming.
The reason you see particular content is because people like you who consumed similar content that you are now consuming, were interested in that next piece of content that is now recommended to you.
The algorithms know you will probably click on that content.
You might not like that content or you might not know anything about that content, but it will somehow intrigue you.
That’s why social media rabbit holes don’t always reflect what you know you’re interested in nor what you’re currently consuming.
You fall into these rabbit holes because others like you did the same.
What matters to such companies is that you simply jump into those rabbit holes, regardless of whether that content will be of any serious interest to you or not.
That’s how the content you are watching can escalate quickly.
From losing weight tips you’re suddenly exposed to content about anorexia or bulimia.
Then suddenly you’re witnessing a series of horror stories you never asked for or even thought about.
But you keep watching, and that’s all those companies care about.
So be careful when consuming content on social media.
Understand that the more time and data you invest in social media platforms, the better they know how to make you use your account for “just 5 more minutes”.
Again, you are the product.
Don’t think you can’t live without constant social media use, because you can.
Those companies certainly need gullible people to increase their power and domination.
So luckily you are not one of them (anymore).
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/enable-dark-mode-in-your-messaging-apps/
2 blogs ago I mentioned the idea to enable Dark Mode in your social media apps.
When you enable Dark Mode, the white background changes to a black background and the font color changes from black to white.
More apps are introducing the Dark Mode feature which is a positive development.
Dark Mode is a feature that you can use as an “alarm”.
When Dark Mode is enabled, you will realize that you should slowly reduce your phone use because it’s getting late or the lighting conditions are not supporting long hours of scrolling.
In the evening time, Dark Mode can remind you to switch from your smartphone to a laptop and finish any necessary tasks from there by using a browser.
Messaging apps like WhatsApp also offer the Dark Mode feature now.
You want to check in each app whether that feature is supported.
As mentioned in a previous blog, it may be possible to connect the app’s dark mode feature to the dark mode feature of your smartphone.
This means that Dark Mode is automatically enabled in e.g. WhatsApp when Dark Mode in your device is active.
Some apps may not show the Dark Mode option, but it might show the effects of Dark Mode when the feature is enabled in your device settings.
You have probably heard of the statement “don’t get high on your own supply”.
In Brian De Palma’s Scarface from 1983, Tony Montana (played by Al Pacino) does eventually fail to live by that vital rule which is the beginning of his drastic decline.
The smart dealers know how to make other people hooked on their products without getting hooked themselves.
The more you are in control and aware of the dangers, the easier it becomes to stay focused on expanding your domination.
While this is of course far from ethical, it’s unfortunately not uncommon.
The designers and creators of products like the iPhone and Samsung Galaxy and services like Facebook and Instagram, know very well about the risks involved.
Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have introduced specific screen time rules for their children when they were younger.
Other tech titans like Mark Cuban and Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian are also aware of the dangers of excessive screen time and have introduced boundaries to support healthy screen use.
While Silicon Valley is making sure their own families and friends aren’t getting addicted to tech, the consumers who have no idea what they are up against are slowly being programmed unwittingly to become a slave to their device.
Be smarter than that. Don’t ignore how the designers, psychologists, and creators are using their own products and services.
Let that wake you up.
Way too many people are using their devices without ever thinking they can and should build and preserve boundaries for healthy screen use.
The creators are getting richer and richer for a reason.
Don’t allow their products and services to make you a smartphone zombie (smombie).
Wake up and take ownership of your smartphone and social media use.
You don’t need to become a Luddite but do become mindful of how, when, and why you use those products and services.
In other words, don’t get high on their supply.
Sidenote, In the audio I mention that Alexis Ohanian and his wife Serena Williams have a son but they actually have a daughter!
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/enable-dark-mode-in-all-your-social-media-apps/
Personally, I have dark mode enabled on my iPhone device.
When you enable Dark Mode, the white background changes to a black background and the font color changes from black to white.
In low light conditions, you want to enable this option.
Looking at your screen will be less “painful”.
We all know how we have to squint our eyes when looking at a white screen in a dark environment.
It will be more “comfortable “to look at your screen when Dark Mode is enabled, although you will want to minimize your phone session of course!
All the famous social media apps support the Dark Mode option except for Snapchat.
While Dark Mode works in the Instagram app, you have to enable this option in your device settings.
In the iOS settings, you find dark mode in ‘Display and brightness’.
In the Android settings, you find Dark Theme/Night Mode in ‘Display’.
All the other social media apps (Tik Tok, Twitter, Facebook) contain the Dark Mode feature in their own settings.
Watch the video to find out where to enable Dark Mode in those social media apps.
It is possible to connect the apps’ dark mode feature to the dark mode feature of your smartphone.
This means that Dark Mode will be automatically enabled in e.g. Facebook when Dark Mode in your device is active.
Don’t forget to schedule Dark Mode when possible!
For example, the iPhone contains the option to schedule Dark Mode to Sunset to Sunrise.
Now you won’t have to enable or disable Dark Mode manually anymore.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/improve-your-opinion-about-yourself/
It’s interesting how we find it so important what people think of us.
No wonder social media is so popular.
We truly value other people’s opinions of us.
It goes so far that we carefully craft posts and photos with the objective of gaining as many likes, hearts, and comments as possible.
Unfortunately, that need for acceptance that we are feeling, can often make us invisible in this world.
A sad development is that we often sacrifice our own authenticity for attachment.
We forget about what we truly want, who we truly are, and who we truly want to be.
Working on improving the way we see ourselves is completely neglected because of that desire to be liked by others.
We dislike ourselves and think when others like us, we will solve the lack of self-confidence problem.
“If others like me, then well yeah there is a solid reason why I can like myself!”
Somehow it immediately makes sense to like oneself when others like us.
“Of course you like me because I’m a likable person!”
But when others don’t like us or there is no evidence of others liking us, any levels of self-esteem we have can erode.
The key here is to put more work on improving the way you think of yourself and the way you talk to yourself.
Instead of prioritizing other people’s opinions of you, you should prioritize your own opinion of yourself.
Relying on other people’s opinions in order to feel good about yourself is a terrible idea.
You don’t know how long someone will like you or if they actually do like you!
Outsourcing your own happiness is a very bad idea period.
Like yourself first!
Dissect your authenticity and think carefully about what you like or like to do.
Don’t think about what others may think, everyone has an opinion.
That will never change.
Don’t become invisible in this world.
A very good reason to disconnect from social media for a bit is to experiment and take on activities just for yourself.
Develop yourself and keep promises you make to yourself, how small they may be.
When you focus on yourself and the story you tell yourself about yourself, you will come across as a more confident person.
Confident people are admired because they don’t wait for others to feel good about themselves.
They just feel. They wait for no one.
Become someone who knows your weaknesses and strengths. Know thyself.
Become someone who is not wasting time to impress people who don’t even care about you.
Learn to like yourself.
Any other like on whatever social media platform you use is merely a bonus.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/imagine-your-smartphone-is-a-human-being/
The smartphone is a powerful device.
We keep thinking we are its master while unfortunately, it is often the other way around.
The smartphone essentially is our master and we are its slave.
We shouldn’t be too surprised, the smartphone is basically our new appendage.
We bring it everywhere, literally everywhere with us.
No wonder our smartphone is having the time of its life.
There are hundreds of daily opportunities for our smartphones to shine.
The behavior our smartphones is depicting is criticized often, but we shouldn’t forget that we rarely leave the device alone.
Let’s now change the way we see our devices, let’s compare our most popular device with a human being.
If a human being would treat you the way your device is treating you, would you accept that?
Would you be okay with that?
If a human being demands your attention immediately regardless of where you are or what you are doing…would you be fine with that?
Would you place your attention immediately on that person or would you at least perceive that behavior as rude?
You probably won’t be happy with that behavior.
If you don’t know the person, there is no way you would accept that.
There is no way we would put up with such behavior.
What about perceiving your device as a family member?
With family members, we often adapt ourselves to specific behavior because well..they are family.
We may not like specific attitudes, but we accept them because we can’t just turn our backs on them.
What we can do is setting boundaries!
When a specific attitude is displayed we can show our dissatisfaction and inform the family member why we don’t appreciate that.
Since the smartphone is a device that we keep using (as we stay in contact with a family member despite the fact there may be little in common), it is best to compare our devices to a family member.
We love the person but boundaries have to be implemented.
Like you know your family member, you want to get to know your device as well.
Learn about all its features and options you can enable or disable.
Be mindful of how your smartphone is treating you and then carefully envision how you ideally want your smartphone to treat you.
With that in mind, you carefully decide when you want to be on your phone, when it is allowed to disturb you and how you want to use it.
Use the available settings so you know exactly what to expect from your device.
When the phone is configured, it will be easier to tolerate it.
While you can make a family member clear about your boundaries, it is normal to simply focus on how you react.
It is not up to us to change people and while we can try to help someone see why specific behavior is not appreciated, there is no guarantee that the family member will actually change.
The only thing that we can change though is ourselves.
So sometimes we have to adapt ourselves and lower our expectations in order to avoid any form of confrontation.
In every family there are issues, it’s normal.
Don’t be so kind and considerate with your phone though!!
Your phone can’t talk back and doesn’t have any feelings, so show no mercy for the sake of your own concentration, sanity, and wellness!
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/generate-energy-curiousity-and-excitement/
Most of us know the saying: in order to be interesting, be interested
When I ask you: what excites you in life? Do you have a clear answer?
Not everyone does.
We spend a lot of our time on media, activities, and people, but do they make us happy?
Do we feel good about the way we spend our time?
Are the topics we talk most about on a daily basis, topics that put a smile on our faces?
Not always.
Energy and passion. When are you showing both?
The more you find topics that energize you like board games, starting a collection, or gardening, the less power your smartphone will have over you.
The more topics are screaming for your name, the more your phone’s desperate plea for your attention will subside.
Another important effect of having something excited to think about is that your conversations will change.
We love to share our passions, hobbies, and interests with one another, we don’t like to keep these to ourselves.
So the more intention and direction your conversations have, the less you occupy yourself with your smartphone, or use your smartphone mindlessly.
The opposite of living a dynamic life is a static life.
And with dynamic, I don’t mean necessarily being out and about and busy.
What I mean is that you have at least occasional novel conversations.
Conversations about topics you know both little and a lot about.
What is required is curiosity and mindfulness.
In order to notice things, you need to be looking more around you.
You need to be more mindful about what’s happening around you.
Aside from your own interests, look at what other people’s interests are.
What are they doing, what are they talking about so much?
Sometimes a passion can be infectious, I notice that when a good friend likes a particular movie, song, or activity, I start to like it as well.
Not always of course, but at least a certain level of interest in that subject grows inside of me.
Many times I like to take on that activity as well, just to get a feeling of why this is so exciting to the person!
Personally, I like to ask questions about why the person likes it, what is it about that topic that makes the person light up with a big smile on his or her face.
Great conversations start happening when you show this level of curiosity.
We often ask questions about how is work going, or what someone’s opinion is about the corona vaccine or elections for example.
But what about more deep personal questions aside from their interests?
Rarely do we ask one another if we are happy or if we are coping okay with this pandemic for example.
When you show curiosity about their interests, passions, and feelings, you tend to have conversations that are more meaningful, helpful, and educational.
So be more mindful about your passions and about creating passions, plus getting curious about other people’s passions.
Again, in order to become interesting, be interested.
Be a person who can talk about all sorts of topics and who is open to diving into new worlds that others love to explore.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/approach-your-partner-wisely-when-he-or-se-uses-social-media-too-much/
There are many stories of couples that are obsessed with their screens.
When both partners are mindlessly scrolling, swiping, browsing, and typing without any real awareness, then this (worrying) behavior won’t be discussed in depth.
However, when one partner “awakens” and becomes conscious of his/her useless activities on social media and devices while the other partner isn’t, then that can become a problem.
How can I convince my partner that he/she is spending way too much time on screens!?
That’s a question I hear often.
What is important to remember, is not to attack your partner.
Start with your own behavior first.
You are aware of your actions now, so show your partner that you are perfectly capable of locking your phone and leaving it locked for a while.
Take initiative and propose any plans and activities to take on together.
At the end of the day, the problem is not necessarily that your partner is on his/her device, but that you feel that your partner isn’t paying enough attention to you.
You will want to discuss these issues instead of placing the focus on technology.
With your control over tech, your partner won’t be able to say that you’re a lot on your device too.
So by taking control of your screen time first, you will avoid any unnecessary discussions about your own screen use.
When you see that your partner keeps using the smartphone excessively, track his/her screen time, or ask your partner to track his/her own screen time.
Oftentimes we are not aware of how much time we waste on screens.
Numbers speak for themselves, so focus on tracking your partner’s screen time, preferably by both of you.
You can use Screen Time, Digital Wellbeing, or apps like Freedom, Moment, and RescueTime.
When the behavior continues, share with your partner your pain and what you miss in the relationship.
Again, do not attack your partner’s screen time, show empathy for his interests in any activities he is taking on.
The problem is not that he/she is taking on those activities, but that he/she loses himself/herself in the smartphone.
When you see your partner is willing to set boundaries and would like to work on habits and routines with you, be ready to introduce multiple strategies that will help you both.
You are probably using some of them already since you’ve already controlled your screen time!
You can inspire your partner by sharing your strategies with them and how your focus on the relationship is motivating you to be the master of your smartphone.
The fact that you are in a relationship gives you both an advantage since you both have automatically an accountability partner!
Having an accountability partner can help one drastically to stay on point with the implemented strategies.
To recap:
- Show exemplary behavior
- Share your feelings and concerns
- Track and present your partner’s (shocking) amount of screen time
- Share ideas on how to set boundaries for your devices
- Share constructive ideas on how to focus more on connection and less on devices
When your partner still uses his/her device a lot and doesn’t really seem to care about you, your feelings, and your relationship, then there might be a root problem that needs to be addressed.
Continue to value yourself as a person and be clear about what you accept and what you don’t accept.
Sometimes an extreme happening needs to occur before a partner finally wakes up and understands the grand prize (you) should not be taken for granted.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/most-push-notifications-are-far-from-important/
We all know that feeling when a notification comes in.
We feel that anticipation of what could be…
It’s a joyful feeling (because of the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine).
Who has sent me a message! What does the message say!
That feeling of excitement when a notification comes in is known to us all.
The notification is a surprise waiting for us to discover.
The problem is that most notifications are not life-changing at all.
Most don’t even make our day or ignite any uplifting emotion.
On the contrary, most notifications are simply….pointless.
When push notifications of most apps are enabled, we get disturbed for no special reason at all.
Whatever we do, we stop the activity because we hear a sound or feel a vibration of a notification coming in.
Then when we check the notification and see an update or message that is not urgent.
There goes that exciting feeling of anticipation that just fizzles out.
Disable the push notifications of most apps.
Don’t let your device fool you something exciting came in that has to be checked ASAP, when in fact 9 out of 10 times the update is not that exciting at all.
So when there are apps left that have your authorization to push notifications to you, you will at least know what kind of notifications to expect and where they come from.
https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/dont-focus-on-educating-online-haters-and-bullies/
While we can easily expose ourselves on social media, it is daunting to show some levels of vulnerability.
Posting photos online is not the hard part.
There is an endless number of filters and effects you can apply to make that photo look like it came right out of a magazine.
Revealing ourselves, our business, interests, and passions are more challenging for most of us.
While social media offers us interactive platforms for us to shine, there are certain “risks” involved.
Social media is the arena and we can easily enter that arena.
While people (the spectators in the arena) are watching us, they can judge us and interact with us immediately.
That is the “risk” people worry about.
Only it isn’t a risk, it is in fact inevitable.
There will be bullies, haters, and trolls.
As the saying goes: you will never be criticized by someone who is doing more than you.
You’ll only be criticized by someone who is doing less.
So you want to prepare yourself to ignore most negative comments that will be posted.
Other strategies aside from simply ignoring the haters, is to comment on their comments.
Posters won’t always expect that and will be surprised their comment got an actual reaction from you.
As a result, some may admit that their comment sounded a bit harsh, or they may at least show some respect for your courtesy.
Sometimes a comment looks very critical, but the poster didn’t mean it that way.
It’s good to give posters the benefit of the doubt sometimes.
When you reply to a comment, make sure the comment is not obviously posted to hurt you.
Comments which have the obvious purpose to hate on you should definitely be ignored.
You will not want to defend yourself or to educate them on how they ought to behave.
That will be pointless.
Don’t forget about the option to block a person who is spamming and troublesome.
Personally, I’ve heard of people who took the time to send a private message to someone who posted a hateful message saying basically:
It seems you’re currently dealing with particular issues, I wish you all the best and hope you feel better soon.
Definitely not recommended for every single negative comment of course, but it’s an interesting option nonetheless.
Remember that even when you post videos of babies laughing, there will be haters.
It’s part of the game.
Just make sure they won’t stop you from doing what you are meant to do.
Many of us walk with our phone chargers on us.
The idea of walking around with a dead phone is unfathomable.
What would we do with ourselves if the battery of our phones ran out!?
That feeling of nomophobia (no mobile phone phobia) is one we are eager to avoid at all costs.
Human beings can be very lazy, but wow can we be disciplined when we really really want something!
When we want to walk around with our devices safely charged, we make sure that is exactly what will happen!
Unfortunately, we lack that form of discipline when it comes to more important matters in our lives.
Like our own health battery.
How is your sleep hygiene?
Do you prioritize your sleep?
When it comes to our own battery, we seem to care less about that.
Can you imagine if we use that same discipline we show to our phones?
With such discipline, we make sure we sleep on time without any distractions.
Ironically, it is our smartphone that often prevents us from sleeping unperturbed.
We even sleep with our phones underneath the pillow….speaking of prioritizing our precious devices and their apps that are making other people millions!
When your smartphone is running on 20%, you’re very careful with the way you use it.
You won’t use your device to its fullest capability.
What about yourself then?
When you don’t charge your own battery properly, what can you expect from yourself?
You won’t be operational at your fullest capacity either.
You can’t maximize your day if you only run on 30% battery from the first hour you wake up.
Stop caring more for some device than for yourself.
Once your own battery is charged, you can make wiser decisions on your social media and phone usage as well by the way.
Don’t prioritize your phone. Take care of your own health battery first.
Every single activity you take on, how petty that might be, will one day be your last.
We live our lives like it is something we have to get through.
Do we really appreciate what we have now in this very moment?
As Albert Einstein once said, “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
The more we take for granted what we have in our lives, the more we see our lives as nothing is a miracle.
Unfortunately, many of us act this way until a bad event takes place in our lives.
When something dreadful happens, we instantly wake up.
That event shakes us out of our zombie-like state of mind.
Like we are in this constant trance which we awaken from as soon as there is devastating news.
We are then reminded that:
- Life is actually finite
- Nothing lasts forever
- All good things come to an end
- My life wasn’t actually so bad!
The key is to experience such an awakening before anything bad happens.
And bad things will happen! We will receive bad news sooner or later that will impact our lives forever!
You know it, I know it.
You just don’t want to start realizing what you have when that happens.
Therefore the practice of appreciation is a powerful one.
Get out of this daily trance and look at your life from a macro level.
Are you displaying gratitude? Do you show your loved ones how much you appreciate and love them?
Can you find those moments of happiness once you realize that at this very moment, of all the 200 awful events that can happen in your life, none of them are happening?
Practice gratitude and show appreciation for your life.
Your life is finite. It will all be over one day. You just don’t know when.
The more you start valuing your life, the easier it becomes to set boundaries for your phone.
It will become easier to say no to social media.
You will become more mindful of your time.
You will stop wasting your precious time on people you know nothing about or who don’t care about you.
Therefore wake yourself up every day for at least a few minutes.
Remind yourself on a daily basis where you are and what you have accomplished.
You don’t want to have any regrets in your life once that devastating event is about to take place or is taking place…
The wiser we become, the more we realize that experiences bring us long-term happiness, not gadgets, items, or things.
We can experience with the help of things, but “a thing” in and of itself won’t bring long-term happiness, only short-term.
Now that we are home a lot, we can find happiness and enjoy our aloneness when we buy a Playstation 5, an Amazon Prime subscription, or Everdell the board game for example.
However, the pandemic has forced us to stay indoors for a pretty long time, which makes us long for physical connection.
We use social media a lot more now because of the pandemic, so we can experience some form of connection.
Hopefully, we realize at the same time that connections are just as important as experiences for long-term happiness.
Unfortunately, while we may be liked by “friends”, we may find it hard to find just one person to confide in.
We may appear to be connecting a lot online, but whether you feel comfortable revealing your authentic self is another question.
Loneliness comes from a lack of true connection.
Not just physical connection, but mainly the lack of connection with someone who knows you.
I always say that I prefer to be alone than to be surrounded by people with who I can’t relate.
By that, I mean people who don’t share my values or people who communicate superficially and talk only about themselves.
So when we feel we are not being understood and can’t be ourselves while engaging with other people (online) who don’t really care about us, the feeling of loneliness worsens.
We want to matter. We want to belong. We want to be acknowledged for who we are.
That feeling is an experience. Being in someone’s presence who truly knows us is an experience.
Sharing activities, novelty, emotions, and feelings with others is an experience.
Therefore, another reason we feel alone is the lack of purpose, meaning, and excitement.
We want to contribute to this world, in one way or another.
If we are doing activities that we can’t stand, we feel useless.
We feel as we don’t matter at all in this world.
Ultimately we want to find out what we are good at, so we can do a lot of that.
By contributing to the world in a way that puts a smile on your face, you will feel a sense of purpose and meaning.
You feel acknowledged by your peers, community, and society.
As you can guess, seeing and witnessing the results of your contribution is an experience as well.
Seeing your work come to fruition is an experience that brings you joy, happiness, and fulfillment.
Combine such feelings with feelings of true connection with people who care for you and vice versa, and you have a recipe for long-term happiness and fulfillment.
The pandemic is challenging in many ways.
One thing is for sure, when the pandemic is over, we should all embrace the outdoors and appreciate all the opportunities we can then all enjoy again.
Afraid that someone will access your WhatsApp when your phone is unlocked?
You can add an additional layer of security to your WhatsApp account.
What about the possibility of only accessing your WhatsApp with your face or finger?
Depending on the availability of the option Touch ID or Face ID on your device, you can make this happen.
When you enable the Screen Lock option in the WhatsApp settings, you’ll need to use Touch ID or Face ID to unlock Whatsapp.
Keep in mind that it’s still possible to reply to messages from notifications and answer calls if WhatsApp is locked.
Listen to the audio and learn where you can enable the Screen Lock option.
When I was very young I watched Tom & Jerry, Cartoon Network cartoons like Dexter’s Laboratory and Johnny Bravo, and Hanna-Barbera cartoons like the Flinstones and the Jetsons.
Many funny moments stuck with me, including a shoulder angel and shoulder devil bickering about what the character should or should not do.
This stuck with me because we all face situations where 2 voices start speaking in our minds.
One voice says: no don’t do that, you shouldn’t be doing that, and the other voice says: yes do it do it, you deserve it, it won’t do you any harm!
The latter is very good at making excuses. You were planning not to order take away tonight? Well, that shoulder devil can come up with 100 reasons why tonight is the best evening to actually order take away!
The same applies to our phones.
One voice says “stop using your phone”, but the other voice says: “5 more minutes doesn’t hurt anyone!”
We are in a constant battle in our minds.
We know better, but because of that shoulder devil, we often don’t do better.
What I’ve taught myself, is to make the angel and devil befriend one another.
They are both right, but the question is when.
You want to plan your day and schedule your time in such a way that the devil and angel won’t argue over petty matters.
All activities and decisions for that day should be clear in advance.
That’s why it’s important to plan your leisure time, entertainment, and social media time.
If you’re using social media a lot, and you want to cut your use drastically, you will notice that the shoulder devil will appear often because he is not used to seeing you with such new intentions.
The shoulder devil doesn’t understand why you suddenly use social media or your smartphone less.
You want to prepare yourself for his frequent appearance.
You do that by strengthening your shoulder angel.
Feed the shoulder angel with information such as why it is so important to reduce your social media usage.
Be clear about what’s at stake here, how is social media impacting your life adversely? How do you want to see your relationship with your device and social media?
How do both fit in your desired lifestyle?
Answer these questions carefully.
The more these answers are clear to you, the more intel your shoulder angel has to overpower your shoulder devil.
Both voices will always exist and can appear randomly.
What’s important is that we are ready for both voices and that we are clear about when an activity is or isn’t allowed.
A strategy you can introduce is to declare out loud to yourself why you are going for your smartphone.
Your actions should be intentional.
So be clear about why you go for your phone and what apps you are planning to use.
If you are in a situation where you are not alone and you don’t feel comfortable making such declarations out loud, think them in your mind.
This doesn’t need to take long.
Such declarations will help you to create clarity for yourself.
If possible, also declare out loud for how long you are planning to stay on your phone.
If you said to yourself you will be on your phone for 5 minutes but wish to stay longer, that’s fine.
Just tell yourself (out loud) that you want to stay e.g. 20 more minutes on your device and why.
When you’re alone you want to be making these statements out loud which will make you super aware of your intentions and phone use.
Don’t allow your phone to eat you alive, remain intentional and keep in mind: it’s okay to be on your phone for 1 hour, as long as it doesn’t come as a surprise and you’re okay with that.
We are very ambitious when we think about introducing change in our lives.
Oftentimes we declare bold statements like cutting our social media use by 50% or using a dumbphone that will replace our smartphone.
These declarations are made with the best of intentions of course.
Unfortunately, we often underestimate the willpower that is required to execute.
That why it is important to declare small steps, how easy they may be.
On paper, they may not seem hard to execute but it’s all about consistency.
Can you take that “small step” consistently?
Can you enforce boundaries consistently as you intended?
When you say you want to do a digital detox, start introducing small digital detoxes.
Mini digital detoxes.
Think first of the activities you wish to continue without your phone nearby or in your hand.
Allocate a special place or room where you leave your device before taking on that activity.
So when you go read a chapter of a book, know where to leave your phone in advance and place it there.
After you’re done reading that chapter, get your phone back (if you wish).
So initially you will be phoneless for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, depending on the duration of the activity.
That’s how long those mini digital detoxes should last.
When you have mastered to be phoneless during those activities, you can start thinking about periods of time where normally nothing has been planned yet.
Now we are talking about a mini digital detox of 3 hours or 4 hours for example.
This will require more preparation because you will need to know what your replacement activities will be.
You want to be clear about which screens are allowed and which ones are off-limits.
The next stage will be a digital detox that lasts an entire evening or an entire day even.
Nevertheless, start first with the (small) activities you do on a daily basis where your phone likes to keep you company without asking for permission.
Master those moments of being phoneless first before transforming any bigger aspirations into realization.
Many times I’ve said it: I understand why many people are reluctant to delete all social media apps.
There are many reasons why one wants to keep using social media apps.
Although it is a strategy to simply delete at least 1 social media app, let’s try something else.
Game apps have no reason of being on your phone if you complain about your phone use.
So delete those.
Your brain can be as creative as it wants to justify that game app on your smartphone, but eventually all those reasons can be (easily) debunked.
There are other (digital) activities that can replace game apps.
So no excuse there.
Other apps you want to delete are news-related apps.
There is so much news out there.
A large number of events are happening 24/7 that you really do not need to know about.
At least not instantly.
If we allow psychos to control our time just because they have done something unfathomable, we are in trouble.
Why?
Because there are too many of them out there sadly and unfortunately.
Bad people will keep doing bad things.
This won’t change.
So do yourself a favour: claim back your control and delete news apps.
I’m not saying to not be informed about what’s happening in the world, but don’t use those apps.
Those apps invite you to be on your phone.
They invite you to spend a large portion of your day on them in case you are bored.
Don’t let those apps entice you to unlock your device.
Use your laptop or if you must, the browser app to stay up to date.
You don’t need an account for those news apps, so there is no point in having them installed.
By using the browser version you will be more conscious of your action.
If those apps are installed, you will have opened them without any hesitation.
So spare yourself the time and temptation, and remove those news apps.
Focus on content, people, and activities that put a smile on your face.
Don’t allow any app to change your positive or neutral state of mind into a negative one.
No one should have that power, let alone an app.
The idea to disable all your social media push notifications can be daunting.
How would you know instantly what has happened in your account right?
Of course, we can debate about the importance of being constantly up to date, (and I do talk about this in many other videos), but let’s focus now on that feeling of FOMO.
Let’s acknowledge that for the avid social media user it is hard to simply disable all the push notifications.
In a perfect world when one disables push notifications, the apps are rarely opened.
Why opening the app if your phone ceased to inform you about some activity that took place right!?
Well…from experience I can say disabling push notifications can result in opening the app a lot more (initially).
Because of that FOMO, you will constantly check the app to spot any activities that you might have missed.
Now instead of the phone notifying you, you have to get active to find out.
So disabling notifications is unfortunately not that perfect solution that ends any form of social media or phone addiction abruptly.
To end these impulsive “I need to check my apps again!” actions, I suggest setting alarms every 30 minutes in the evening for example.
So once the notifications are disabled, you set the alarm which allows you to check your apps when it goes off.
30 minutes will initially feel like 2 hours but remain patient! That alarm will go off.
This strategy only applies to checking out what you have missed.
If you stay on your device for the next 30 minutes, well…then setting the alarm for every 30 minutes will be pointless.
Just check what you have missed in your popular apps and lock your device again after a maximum of 5 minutes.
You can start with 1 social media app first, before disabling all your social media push notifications at once.
From there on slowly increase 30 minutes to one hour or 2 hours for example.
Train the skill of patience.
Acknowledge that you really want to go for your phone.
That’s okay and understandable.
You really have programmed yourself to run for your phone.
After acknowledging that feeling, reshift by explaining to yourself it won’t take long before that alarm goes off and why you have disabled those notifications in the first place: because you want to reduce your screen use.
Show your device who’s really in charge.
Airplane mode and Do Not Disturb have both their unique benefits.
We all know we have to enable airplane mode when we’re on the plane and it is about to take off.
Nowadays we are sometimes allowed to enable Wi-Fi so there is access to the internet up in the air.
Nevertheless, no one can call us and we can’t call anyone since there is no connection to the mobile network (all IM apps aside).
When you’re on your device because you are busy reading or busy with any other activity that doesn’t allow any disturbance or distraction, airplane mode is a good option to enable (with Wi-Fi disabled of course).
With airplane mode configured this way, no one can call you through the mobile network nor the internet.
The Do Not Disturb (DND) feature is advantageous for similar reasons but should be used differently.
DND is a great feature for when you are busy with an activity that is not connected to your phone at all.
When you’re busy meditating, writing, or studying, you will want to enable Do Not Disturb.
Now all notifications and calls coming in will be silenced.
The feature is more intelligent than airplane mode because in both iOS and Android you can create a list of people who you allow to “disturb” you.
So when people from this list call you, those incoming calls won’t get silenced.
In both operating systems it is also possible to allow repeat callers, so when anyone calls you twice within a short period of time they will get through as well.
Normally when you lock your phone, DND is then enabled.
However, there is an option that has DND enabled even while you’re on your phone aside from when it’s locked, so you won’t see any notifications or incoming calls coming in.
Nevertheless, you can still get distracted by the mere fact that the internet is right there waiting for you to be used.
When you’re on your device reading for example with DND enabled, you still have access to the internet which can easily entice you to open an app or two.
So use the DND when you’re going to sleep or when taking on any activities that demand your concentration.
Any alarms that are set when DND or airplane mode is enabled will still go off by the way!
Another option that might be interesting is to disable mobile data.
This effect essentially turns your smartphone into a dumbphone.
There is access to the mobile network so you can call anyone and vice versa, but there is no connection to the internet.
There is a way to access the internet but you will need a WI-FI connection.
If there is no Wi-Fi connection, there is no internet.
So if you want to use your device as a dumbphone and want to train yourself to use the internet (and all your popular apps) mindfully and sporadically, then disable mobile data aka cellular data in the settings.
Allow all 3 features to help you limit your phone use.
Give both yourself and your smartphone an occasional break.
In an earlier blog, I mentioned how time is our most valuable currency.
The more we become aware of this, the more we won’t allow ourselves to scroll our lives away.
There will be a day where we wish we had more time.
If we can envision ourselves in the future looking back on us, that future version will probably say: why o why did you spend your time like that!?
Our future selves are not “blind” anymore and can judge our current selves easily of course.
Nevertheless, many of us live our lives like we will live another 500 years.
Especially teenagers think this way, which is no surprise of course.
We all were more in the moment, enjoying our lives and learning and experiencing on the way.
The older we become, the more we should be asking ourselves: am I spending my time or am I investing my time?
Since we become more conscious of our mortality, we often tend to care less about what other people think.
We realize this is a waste of time, we realize that at the end of the day, society doesn’t really care if we live or if we die.
Another lesson that we learn is to say “No”.
It becomes easier to reject others because again, a “Yes” will require time and energy.
When you ask yourself: am I spending my time or investing my time in all honesty, you may want to change your activity or shift your behavior in that activity.
Being productive is not the only way to invest your time.
When you watch Stranger Things with your spouse and you’re both fully immersed in it, then you’re sharing an experience and investing in your relationship.
This is an example of investing your time.
When you’re on your phone instead, then well…you’re just spending your time.
Investing your time means that you engage in activities that bring you meaningful rewards.
So let’s take the example of your phone and social media use.
How are you using your time?
Are you investing your time by participating in groups that may help you with any challenges or by building your online brand?
Or are you spending your time by doomscrolling and comparing and despairing?
Be mindful of your time.
24 hours a day is a lot, unfortunately we don’t know how many sets of those 24 hours are available to us in the future.
In a previous blog, I wrote about the brain chemical dopamine.
Dopamine is the reason why we can’t wait to run to our device when it demands our attention.
Nothing can stop us when we want to grab our phone.
Our full focus is immediately on our device.
Since the reward center in your brain releases dopamine in response to pleasurable experiences, it’s one of the reasons why people get addicted to particular behavior and substances.
Eating good food, having sex, creating art, and a range of other pleasure happenings can trigger similar responses from your brain’s reward center.
What’s unfortunate, is that we get more dopamine hits from activities that don’t take any effort.
Many of us go for instant gratification instead of actually working to get results.
We indulge ourselves in too many stimulating things like porn, drugs, junk food, binge-watching shows and all produce a huge amount of dopamine.
This can result in a lack of motivation to go out there to find an actual partner for example or to simply get to work.
The problem is that experiencing all those dopamine hits makes us believe we have accomplished something, whether that is liking a post or posting a photo for example.
We become less motivated to go to the gym, to start writing, to basically put ourselves in uncomfortable situations where the reward is not achieved immediately.
The fact that it is easy to go for instant gratification is not the only reason by the way, oftentimes we mask our pain with pleasure.
That’s why experts recommend dopamine fasts where they learn not to expect instant rewards.
At the end of the day, the level of satisfaction is so much higher when you have accomplished something you have worked for with your own blood, sweat, and tears.
No wonder people feel much more appreciative and happy when they have “earned” success, rather than having success handed to them on a silver platter.
Don’t choose the easy way in life, that’s only temporary.
You might enjoy yourself at that moment but afterward, you often feel worse than before.
Such choices are not beneficial in the long term.
Delay gratification and live your life for the long haul.
The battle that we constantly fight our entire lives, is the one between our shoulder angel and shoulder devil.
I never forget those cartoons like the Looney Tunes and Tom & Jerry where you see the shoulder angel and should devil quibbling about what the character should be doing.
Fascinating. That’s exactly the battle we face every day.
We may train ourselves to listen mostly to our shoulder angel, but there will always be moments where the shoulder devil triumphs.
We are not perfect.
Take those moments where the light bulb above your heads turns on, which leads to aspiring ideas such as reducing your social media time or cutting the daily Fanta consumption.
In those moments you tell yourself: “I’m going to delete Facebook!” or, “I’m going to quit social media for a week!”
A few hours later you’re on social media without a trace of those thoughts.
We’re good at convincing ourselves not to follow through.
That shoulder devil knows what to tell you. It knows how to say: “it’s okay, use social media for 10 minutes, your friends are waiting for you, it’s fine”.
That’s why you may want to use an accountability partner when you’re serious about reducing your screen time.
If you have a partner or someone in your household who has the same aspirations as you have when it comes to screen time, you can help each other drastically.
Make an agreement and be clear about your objectives.
Don’t just say you want to reduce your phone use or Instagram use.
Be more specific, agree on how much time you allow yourselves to use Instagram for the next 5 days for example.
You are a powerful “shoulder angel” for your accountability partner and vice versa.
It will be harder for your shoulder devil to convince you to let go of your promise to stop entering the Youtube rabbit hole.
Another benefit of an accountability partner is that if he or she is succeeding and keeping his or her promise, you will be motivated to do the same.
“If my accountability partner can do it then surely I can too!”
Such motivation will help you to face your obstacles and challenges and above all, it will help you to listen to your own shoulder angel more who at the end of the day wants you to live a fruitful life.
If you’ve done some research on phone addiction, then you probably came across dopamine.
Neurons that release dopamine are activated when we expect to receive a reward.
The reason why we grab our phones quickly, is that the chemical dopamine is released, a key neurotransmitter for regulating our sense of craving.
This pleasure related receptor in the brain makes you excited and as a result, you want to get more of it.
So when your phone demands your attention, dopamine is triggered and you get feelings of excitement.
Unexpected rewards activate the dopamine system.
You want to keep experiencing this, thus you keep reinforcing this habit of grabbing your phone when you hear or see a notification.
This reaction teaches us to associate the action/behavior with rewards.
That’s how we unwittingly program ourselves to go for our phone instantaneously once we hear a notification coming in.
This is how your phone is making you its slave.
It’s because of this very reason why you want to disable the push notifications.
You want to prevent these dopamine hits to occur so you won’t grab your phone like you’re some sort of robot or zombie.
You can focus on changing the action aka routine itself after the cue happens which is the notification, but that takes time and training.
The quick fix is to disable the notifications.
When a notification does come in, notice yourself feeling that urge to find out what’s going on.
That anticipation of what could be.
Notice the craving and witness yourself experiencing all sorts of emotions.
Then you can consciously decide to check your phone.
Know what you’re doing.
Unchain yourself from that powerful spell your phone has put on you.
Be aware of all your actions and why you’re doing them.
Time is our most valuable currency.
Time is literally ticking away and every single second that is passing is forever gone.
Our lives equate to an hourglass, slowly we’re running out of time.
The big mystery though is how fast time is actually is running.
For 40 years? For 10 years? For 18 months? We just don’t know.
That’s why one of the biggest lessons we humans should really learn and understand, is how to use our time wisely.
Time management is of the essence. Not even necessarily time management, time is running out without us doing anything.
How to maximize our time, that is the mission we should be looking for.
Social media loves to take our time, and we (gladly) give it away as if we can always buy more of it.
Since this is not the case (unfortunately), it is imperative that your visits to the virtual world are mostly planned.
Like any other activity for that matter.
You don’t need to literally plan your every single move in both the offline and online world, but when you do visit cyberspace, schedule time for it.
Cyberspace loves to swallow you whole for hours.
Then once it spits you out, you think to yourself: where did my afternoon go?! How time flew by so fast!?
You want to avoid that.
Schedule time blocks fully dedicated to social media.
Plan your social media time in the morning, afternoon, and evening.
You can plan and play for 1 hour that’s fine, as long as you’re not surprised after a full hour, that one hour flew by.
Once that time block starts, use the timer that will go off after that time block has finished.
The timer will “wake you up” from your trance in case you were fully immersed in your online activities.
Set these time blocks and after a week or two evaluate if you’re happy with that amount of social media time per day or per week.
You might decide to reduce your social media time and spend your time more wisely and productively.
You can still spend time online, but you may want to revise your activities which will benefit your state of mind and mental health.
Don’t let social media eat you alive, stay awake, and aware.
Apps have their own features that help you to use the app more mindfully.
The YouTube app is one of them.
Multiple times have I mentioned that YouTube is my most challenging app.
YouTube offers loads of content including informative, educative and inspiring content.
But whatever can be found on that platform, there is no excuse to use the app 5 hours a day.
When you go to the settings of the app, you can find multiple features that are helpful such as the remind me to take a break feature.
Listen to the podcast that explains where to enable/disable specific features to improve your experience on the YouTube app.
You have probably seen the thought-provoking documentary The Social Dilemma on Netflix by now.
The documentary shares many insights about social media and delves into the implications of social media addiction as an invasive force in our everyday lives
You will realize why it is so important to be mindful of your time on those platforms and your activities online.
When the credits are running at the end, multiple tips are shared about how we can ensure social media is not controlling us.
Check the video for 5 tips that are mentioned at the end of the documentary.
One of them is to follow accounts you disagree with.
When you do that you won’t absorb the same content over and over again while your echo chamber is increasing in size.
One of the insights that I appreciate was the following analogy shared by the man behind Facebook’s like button Justin Rosenstein:
We live in a world in which a tree and a whale is worth more financially dead than alive. For as long as corporations act in this way and are unregulated, these corporations are going to continue to destroy trees, to mine the earth… Now humans are the trees and whales. We are more profitable while we are spending time staring at a screen and consuming advertising and providing data to these big unregulated companies like Facebook, Google and the like.
What have you learned from the Social Dilemma and what tips have you implemented or will you implement to curb social media addiction?
We want to be socially connected constantly no matter what we’re doing.
The problem is that this desire keeps people from fully experiencing what they are actually doing.
Instead of landing in the moment, we have to witness the moment in order to share about it.
Social media gives people a platform for the most mundane uninteresting aspects of their lives because they have to be constantly be producing some kind of output of communication.
Don’t post for the sake of posting.
We feel obligated to post because we think we have an image to uphold.
The amount of posting isn’t enhancing our image in any way though.
On the contrary, the more someone posts, the more the person essentially shows he needs to constantly prove himself to himself and others.
It’s fascinating how we feel compelled to share every single thing and experience online.
Don’t brainstorm about something you can post about if you don’t know what to post.
You want to devote as little time as possible to post ideas. Really.
People are accustomed to sharing mundane aspects of their lives no one is really waiting for.
Don’t spend your time like this.
Build an image around activities and values that make you admirable.
Posting consistently isn’t one of them.
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When we’re immersed in our devices and we are disturbed by a question someone asks us who entered the room, we have to (annoyingly) look up.
Whether we were with our devices in hand or not, we have to leave our phone alone when someone wants our attention in the offline world.
It’s common courtesy.
Ask yourself: when the conversation ends, how fast are you reaching for your phone again?
Do you go for your smartphone when the person turns around and walks away?
Or when the person is out of sight only?
Or blatantly during the (what you think is the) conclusion of the conversation?
Picture the following scenario:
You walk with your friend to the bus because he or she is going home.
When your friend enters the bus, are you still looking at your friend or have you grabbed your phone already?
Many years ago I realized I wasn’t waiting for the bus to leave before using my favourite device.
How I noticed?
Because I saw another friend doing the same to me.
One day me and my friend said our goodbyes but before I entered the train I wanted to show him a final acknowledgment.
I turned around and instead of expecting that final adieu and acknowledgment from him, he was already on his phone.
Such moments are very important and additional opportunities for engagement and connection.
From that day on I convinced myself not to miss my phone so fast when I finished a conversation with someone.
That program that is running us, which makes us unable to keep our hands empty for 15 minutes has to stop.
So be mindful about your urge to go for your phone when you and your friend or partner or colleague depart.
Wait for the person to be out of sight.
While you may receive a notification at that very moment, still don’t reach for your phone.
When that person catches you on your phone so fast, you may convey the message that the conversation you had wasn’t that important.
Be in control of your phone. Notice that urge to place your hand in your pocket and then with that awareness: decide to postpone it.
We used to unlock our devices with a short passcode.
This short passcode changed into long passcodes the more stories were shared about security breaches.
Then in 2013 Apple introduced Touch ID.
Passcodes were no longer necessary to unlock our smartphones.
A finger would suffice.
Since 2017 fingers are no longer needed (theoretically) to unlock the iPhone.
We can unlock our devices with our faces.
Did you know there is a way to unlock your device with your voice now?
Voice Control is a feature that was introduced with the IOS 13.
It’s a bit tricky to set up a voice command for the unlock but not impossible.
Check the video to find out.
You can think of a long voice command to unlock your phone for that added friction.
It essentially makes it easier to unlock your phone because you don’t need to grab it.
You can even combine your voice commands with Siri and other voice control related features.
More about those in future blogs and videos.
We are in the early days of the upcoming omnipresence of voice communication…
The feature Voice Control and many other future voice related features in tech will undoubtedly become much more sophisticated, intelligent and proactive.
Apple’s built-in fingerprint sensor Touch ID made its introduction in 2013 with the advent of the iPhone 5S.
Since then every subsequent iPhone included the Touch ID option till it got replaced with Face ID.
Face ID is Apple’s facial recognition system which made its introduction on the iPhone X in 2017.
Now our fingers are not even required anymore to unlock our phone, showing our faces will suffice.
This of course makes it much easier to unlock your device.
In a previous video I mentioned to change your “simple” passcode into a long easy to remember passcode.
Of course with Touch ID or Face ID enabled, changing your passcode into a complicated one will be of little use.
You will occasionally have to enter your passcode if Touch ID or even Face ID were not able to recognize your finger or face, but this won’t happen all the time.
So for today’s strategy let’s disable Touch ID/Face ID and see if you can leave it disabled for 2 days.
Combine this strategy with the strategy of creating a long passcode, and now you have doubled your friction.
You make it harder now to “just simply” unlock your device.
It’s not that easy anymore and it won’t take just a nanosecond.
It will take you multiple seconds now to unlock your iPhone with your modified passcode.
This gives you time to change your mind, or at least to be clear about your intention.
Are you up for the challenge?
Check the video to learn how to disable Touch ID and Face ID.
If you just want to “waste” time online because you’ve nothing else to do, be careful that you don’t get triggered by some post that you happen to disagree with.
Using Twitter aimlessly is similar to walking around aimlessly somewhere while analyzing if someone is saying something you like or dislike.
The focus is on other people and other people’s posts.
This is a quick recipe for “entering the trance of social media”.
You see a post, you decide that you’re going to feel offended by it, and you react as a result.
The thing is you have no idea what is going on with that person who posted.
You don’t know if they are even real, if they’re hiding behind some false pseudonym or if they’re trolling.
Maybe the person had a miserable day and needed to throw a dart at someone to alleviate some of their stress.
Unfortunately, you allowed for the dart to hurt you.
I’m not saying that it is always like this, but you just don’t know what the intention is of that person who posted that tweet.
So when you “look around” on Twitter and you’re triggered by a post, you can lose track of time because of that engagement that you couldn’t resist.
That’s how you can spend an hour instead of 5 minutes on Twitter.
I purposely mention Twitter because it is on Twitter where we see a large number of posts (tweets) in a short time span.
This is the reason why you want to have a purpose when you go on Twitter.
What is it that you want to do there? What is it that you want to see?
If the purpose is to post, then post and get out of there.
If the purpose is to check a specific hashtag to find posts to engage with for branding purposes for 30 minutes, then do just that and then get out of Twitter.
Having a purpose makes it easier to remain mindful while you’re on the platform.
You know what you want to do and doing something else makes you aware that you’re going off course.
So don’t go find a purpose on Twitter, but have one before you start engaging.
Multiple times I have referred to the phone lounge: a place where you leave your phone when an area in your home becomes a no phone zone.
An example of a phone lounge is a drawer, closed box, and a different room.
What you also want to set up aside from this phone lounge, is a place you where will leave your phone when you’re in that same area.
The key here is to learn not to have your phone on you all the time.
Learn to leave your device somewhere outside your pocket in a designated place.
So let’s take the living room as an example. When you enter the living room, know exactly where you leave your phone.
Put it on a drawer and let that be your phone’s mini lounge.
Every time you enter the living room, you leave your device in the mini lounge.
It’s okay that the device is near you, as long as it is not on you.
Create a mini lounge in every important room in your house like in the kitchen.
You want to train yourself to be able to leave the room while leaving your phone in the mini lounge.
If you go to the toilet, don’t get your phone from the mini lounge so you can bring it with you.
Leave the device in the mini lounge, let it rest and recharge itself.
You will be fine without your phone on you for a few minutes.
When you need something from the kitchen or a different room, just go without your device.
You can enable the ringer so your device becomes a landline.
If you have a huge room, you can create more than 1 mini lounge in that room.
One tip to remember: make sure your device is not constantly in your vision. So watching TV or working on your laptop with your phone in your sight is not a good idea.
The news feed is often the first thing we see when we go on social media.
We are immediately confronted with photos of our friends, “friends” and people we follow.
Such posts can make us react in various ways.
We can become sad and frustrated because of other people’s highlight reels.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that we stop scrolling, this type of content may compel us to keep scrolling.
Or we actually enjoy what we see which makes it even more attractive to keep scrolling.
If you’re really fed up with scrolling through your newsfeed, why don’t you “destroy” it?
Go and dilute your news feed.
What topics are very boring to you? What topics do you care less about?
You don’t care about the operating system Linux?
You don’t care about heavy metal music?
You don’t care about chemistry?
Then it is time to follow accounts that discuss just those topics.
Make your newsfeed completely boring.
Nuke your news feed with content that you care nothing about.
Be careful that you don’t follow accounts you don’t care about that may trigger your curiosity.
Examples of topics are conspiracy theories and gossip related content.
Hopefully that will make you get away from that “once very addictive” news feed fast.
One of the first lessons we receive when it comes to using computers is to use a strong password.
Many years ago when we created an account, we didn’t think more than a few seconds about our password.
Many years ago our computer and account passwords consisted of 6 characters and we never worried about it.
This reminds me of what I have read about the movie WarGames with Matthew Broderick from 1983:
The release of this film resulted in a substantial spike in interest in computer hacking and a commensurate increase in actual penetration of computer systems. As a result, the industry was forced to make several seemingly obvious changes like creating accounts with default rather than no password on newly installed systems. This is because prior to the film’s release, it was just assumed most computer systems would only be accessed by authorized persons and the odds of someone breaking in was felt to be vanishingly low except for high value systems such as banks or the military.
You see, there was even a time where it was normal not to use a password.
Of course, nowadays this is unthinkable.
Even the iPhone which initially allowed for a 4 character passcode has increased its security by allowing a passcode of a minimum of 6 characters now.
To increase the level of friction and of course security, change your passcode into something more complicated and longer.
To ensure you will remember that new passcode, use a sentence instead.
A sentence like iloveeatingpancakes or better: Iloveeating5pancakes!
Check out the video and learn how to modify your iPhone’s passcode.
Think of a long (but not hard to remember) passcode so you have some time to think twice about unlocking your phone while entering it. (plus it is much harder to “hack”).
Rarely do I say to simply delete social media apps.
When you’re used to using a specific app not just on a daily basis, but on an hourly basis, the chances are high you will resist deleting that app.
So oftentimes I introduce other strategies that will hopefully make you more aware of your use and make you use distracting apps less.
Nevertheless…there is a reason why many say to “just” delete your social media apps from your smartphone.
If you don’t use apps for business purposes but just to share and comment, plus you have multiple accounts, then deleting social media apps is highly recommended.
It’s a simple task but a hard one to execute.
Deleting ALL your social media apps is too much of a daunting task I imagine.
So try to delete just 1 social media app instead.
If you look at the objectives of each app, you will probably see similarities.
You use these apps to share content and to stay in touch with friends, “friends” and followers.
Why not use your time better by removing one app and moving any related objective and intention to the other social media apps?
So if you communicate with your friends on Facebook and Instagram, remove Facebook for example, and keep communicating on Instagram.
It is important to remember, that I’m NOT saying to delete your account! You can keep your account, but you simply don’t access it via your smartphone.
Access that deleted app on your tablet at home, laptop, or desktop.
In order to address our problems with such distracting apps, we want to make sure these apps can’t demand our attention through any notifications or by merely being visible on our screen.
So delete at least 1 social media app and see how it goes.
Lately, I have asked you various times if you have watched the Social Dilemma documentary on Netflix.
I think it is not necessary to ask you again.
I have mentioned this documentary multiple times in my videos and blogs.
Doesn’t mean I will stop talking about it!
There were various revelations that shocked me, like the fact that social media knows for how long you are looking at a particular image.
This really shows how much social media knows about us.
We think we act out of free will on social media but we don’t.
They know exactly what makes us stay online.
These platforms aka “tools” have an objective.
They don’t wait around for you to consciously choose to engage with social media.
They try to lure you and call for your attention whenever it wants to.
Social media is not a static tool like a bicycle is.
They have their own selfish reasons why they want your attention.
Unfortunately the more they know about you, the easier this process becomes.
They know that if you like topics A and B, you will 97% like C.
You have never even heard of C, but social media already knows that when C is presented to you: you will engage with it.
That’s why it is important to realize social media is knowing us better than we know ourselves.
That’s why it is vital now to go through that process of self-actualization.
To become self-aware and to introspect.
Don’t allow social media to get the best of you.
Once Virtual Reality becomes mainstream we can actually become our online persona.
Don’t give social media more power that will allow them to hijack your brain.
If you’re not aware of these risks, you are being controlled while being totally clueless.
That’s a dangerous place to be in.
Take ownership of your happiness, brain, time, and energy.
Stay vigilant when wandering through the realm of social media.
Step 3 of my 6 step formula to curb phone and social media addiction is Digital Citizenship.
This step is about embracing tech and learning how to use tech, social media, and the internet wisely.
One of the strategies I recommend is to stay up to date on platforms and devices you are using on a daily basis.
If not for yourself, at least for your children who use certain apps and devices.
It is vital to understand all you can about tech your child is using.
Innovation never stops.
Tech developments never end and tech is constantly changing.
One way to stay up to date is to make use of Google Alerts.
When you set up Google Alerts, you will receive an email with the latest news on a specific topic.
You can set up a Google Alert for “Facebook”, “Android” and “Tik Tok” for example.
One of the options you will find is to choose the email frequency.
I suggest setting the email frequency to at most once a week.
Now you will receive a weekly email that will include links to blogs or news articles about that topic.
When there are new features and new happenings around an app or device, you will know about it.
I believe it is vital to understand what we’re dealing with when we use an app, device, and gadget every single day.
We should improve our knowledge and contemplate how to effectively use a specific app and device which are notorious for distracting us.
The documentary the Social Dilemma available on Netflix is a must-watch.
There is no better moment than now to watch this, especially now that we are currently in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic.
If you’re thinking of deleting any social media accounts, then this documentary can result in that final push.
The documentary explains how social media platforms know us better than we think…
According to Tristan Harris who stars in the Social Dilemma, tech companies have 3 goals:
- Engagement
- Growth
- Advertisement
Social media wants to monetize your eyeballs. They are competing for your time and data.
This means they try everything in their power to make you stay online as much as possible.
They are throwing friends, potential “friends”, happenings, and posts at you so you stay engaged.
The more you engage with the platform, the more data they collect about you.
The second objective is growth.
They want you to promote the platform to other people, to invite others to join.
More people = more “products” of Facebook = more data = better predictions = more interest from advertisers.
Companies want people to expand their networks so there is more reason to keep using their services.
The more friends are using the platform, the harder it becomes for you to disconnect as well…
The third objective is advertising.
Companies like Facebook are collecting data from people so they can sell it to advertisers.
The more data is collected, the better their predictions will be in terms of your actions online.
As a result, social media knows you often better than your own spouse.
This is not a coincidence.
They are tracking all your actions online.
All that data is super valuable and companies pay big bucks to advertise carefully to specific groups.
That’s how those tech companies make their money!
So be aware of the way you use social media.
That moment when you leave your “trance” after a one-hour social media session while you planned to use it for 5 minutes only is not a coincidence.
You’re being programmed while being totally oblivious to it.
Do you know what boundaries you want to introduce in order to reduce your phone usage?
There are both online and offline boundaries you can activate to create friction.
The question is do you have a list of strategies you want to use?
Examples of digital boundaries are Do Not Disturb, blocking apps, greyscale, and Google’s Digital Wellbeing.
Examples of offline boundaries are no tech hour, moving the phone to a different room, and locking the charger in a drawer.
Once you know how you want to reduce your phone usage, it is time to introduce them.
But when? That’s the next question.
When do you want to introduce the friction?
You may say every day from 9 pm till 10 pm, or every Tuesday from 8 pm till 10 pm for example.
You want to write this down and discuss it with the people in your household.
Now that you know what and when, you want to make sure you’re reminded to introduce the friction.
That’s why it’s important to use the alarm for the time being.
Introducing such strategies is not a habit yet, so you will need an alarm for now.
Set up a unique alarm for each boundary.
The iPhone alarm for example allows you to set repeat alarms for selected days, plus you can give each a unique sound.
So you only need to set these alarms just once.
Once the introduction of friction becomes a habit, you may assess whether the alarm is still necessary.
It’s normal to forget great ideas since they are not part of your routine yet.
So keep using the alarm feature of your device till the online or offline boundary is part of your daily or weekly routine.
We are wired for connection. To belong. To matter.
It’s very important to have social interactions.
When we don’t, it can have detrimental effects on our mental health and wellbeing.
Many of us can attest to this due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
We are home and can’t meet our friends and family who are part of a different household.
Or at least we have to keep such meetups to a minimum.
For the people who live by themselves, this can be challenging as well because they are alone.
When you’re alone and isolated constantly, your mind can play tricks on you.
Of course, as everyone knows, these are unprecedented times.
It’s tough for all of us.
If you sometimes suffered from feelings of loneliness, this probably has doubled, to say the least.
When you experience feelings of loneliness you miss having someone around. You feel sad and unhappy.
You’re not happy with your current situation and can’t enjoy and appreciate the moment for what it is.
If we reframe the COVID-19 pandemic and look for opportunities, then one that comes to mind is to practice your aloneness.
Enjoying your aloneness means you’re enjoying your alone time.
You enjoy being with yourself, you make the best of enjoying the moment with yourself.
You use such moments to entertain yourself, to educate yourself, to work on yourself…whatever you do, you don’t miss anyone else at that moment.
You appreciate your own company.
This means you don’t go for your phone because you feel lonely.
You won’t go for your phone and be active in such a way that multiple notifications can be expected.
Enjoying your aloneness can be hard.
A healthy dose of self-esteem and self-love is required.
Because when you’re by yourself, you will hear your inner voice speak.
You’re left with your own thoughts which aren’t always pleasant.
This is can be a major reason why we use our phones so much, we want to escape fear and pain.
Smartphones are the go-to vehicle to distract yourself from any problems you might have.
That’s why step 6 of my 6 step formula is Embrace Thyself.
It is vital to improving the story you tell yourself about yourself, especially when you’re by yourself.
If you don’t know how to be alone, then you will only know how to be lonely.
It’s those quiet moments with yourself that allows you to prioritize you, while you can peacefully reflect on your life, where you are, and where you want to go.
Of course, you should have fun as well! Be able to smile and laugh out loud when you’re by yourself and feel grateful and ambitious about the relationship you have with yourself.
So next time you feel lonely, do something that makes you pat yourself on the back like watching an educational video from the Lewis Howes YouTube channel, writing a blog, or painting for example.
Then entertain yourself and be content with your own energy.
We quickly gravitate to a bright red color, that’s why many apps have bright and warmer icons.
It’s the reason why the notification bubbles are red. They jump out so we need to know what that notification is all about!
A major contribution to why our smartphones can be addictive is because of those beautiful bright colors.
Carefully crafted Instagram photos with their filters and effects look fantastic for example because of those colors.
Look at the infamous slot machines and casinos, no wonder why their colors are super bright and bold.
Do you remember the Nintendo Game Boy which made its introduction in 1989?
For the millennials and older generations: how long were you able to play Super Mario Bros, Tetris or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Not 5 hours straight probably. At least I couldn’t.
The (original) Game Boy had no colors! The screen was hard to watch sometimes and with no colours the experience got boring after 30 minutes to an hour.
To create a similar effect on your iPhone, enable the greyscale feature.
This feature will replace all those attractive colors with “boring” grey white and black colors.
Enabling greyscale will make your screen a lot less appealing.
In iOS 13 you find greyscale in:
Settings –> Accessibility –> Display & Text Size –> Color Filters
In iOS 10 – iOS 12 you find greyscale in:
Settings –> General –> Accessibility –> Display Accommodations –> Color Filters
You can schedule greyscale in the evening for 2 hours for example.
Make the scrolling experience boring.
Make it less appealing to be on your device for so many hours
You won’t be looking at photos and videos for long with greyscale enabled…
With the COVID-19 pandemic, we are forced to remain indoors as much as we can.
We can still go outside, but many activities that we always took for granted are not possible or are organized in such a way that there is a maximum amount of people.
This means the majority of our time we are spending indoors in front of a screen, whether that’s a smartphone, tv, or laptop.
No wonder why people ask: is it okay that I’m on my screen so much?
We tend to feel guilty that we spend so much time on our screens while we await this pandemic to end.
My answer is: it’s fine that you’re using your screens a lot more.
We are living in unprecedented times, and it is obvious why we use our screens more often.
We communicate with people we cannot meet due to the pandemic, we are on our screens for work, for our studies etc.
So “is it okay I use my screens so much” is not the most important question anymore.
The most important questions are:
How and why are you using your screens?
To start with why:
Why is it important to be in front of your screen at that moment? What triggered you?
What activities are you doing on your device? What are you watching? What are you doing?
The other question is how:
In what way are you on your screen? Are you enjoying it?
Are your children and spouse okay with that? Are you okay with that? (if you’re honest about it.)
Is the screen time agreed (according to a family plan)? Or are you on your screen in secrecy?
I also noticed that my overall screen time has increased due to the pandemic.
Some days my use can be “extreme”.
When I’m zooming or speaking to a friend on WhatsApp for example, it can last for at least 2 hours.
And that’s just that one activity. So at the end of that day, the amount of accumulated screen time can be pretty shocking!
It’s okay, I forgive myself. Screens have their advantages as we all know.
What’s important, is that when you spend 2 hours on your screen, you know why and you know exactly what you’ve been doing.
It’s important that you don’t wake up after a 2-hour trance where you were lost in the online bottomless vortex asking yourself: how is it possible 2 hours have passed!? What happened!?
So forgive yourself when you spend a lot of time on your screens.
Just make sure that this is not impacting your relationships, wellbeing, health, household rules, work and ambitions negatively.
Why and how: keep both questions in mind.
In a previous video and blog, I have explained how to check the access your apps have to your iPhone.
Every time you install an app, it has some form of access to your device.
Apps can have access to e.g. your microphone, camera, contacts, and location.
There are 2 ways how you can check and disable this access on your iPhone.
One way is to simply go to settings and then scroll down where you see a list of all your apps.
The second way is to go to settings, privacy, and then you can tap a specific iPhone feature like photos.
By the way, when you tap on photos you see read and write. This means the app can both view the photos in the Photos app and save photos from the app to the Photos app.
Do double-check this access as you will probably ask yourself:
Why does this app have access to the mic/camera/my location!?
There is a reason why surgery is becoming more popular among youngsters.
We are wired to assess our environment, to compare ourselves to the people around us.
Our brain collects data about our environment to for example assess if there is any danger and where we currently stand in the social hierarchy.
Our brain uses the people around us to collect data about, which is then used to compare oneself to them.
On a daily basis, we were surrounded by our peers and family outside, at school, and at home.
At school, your brain mainly focuses on the kids who attended your school.
You may have been an “average” kid with average looks and income who was a participant in an environment that included 80% of kids who are just as average.
Not many were “above” you or “below” you in the social hierarchy.
Simply put: our peers used to be similar to us, similar physique meaning similar levels of strength, and similar clothes meaning similar levels of wealth.
There was no reason to think something is wrong with you.
This has drastically changed with the advent of social media.
A few decades ago we were only exposed to models and amazingly “beautiful” people in magazines and on television.
Now with social media, we are constantly exposed to “perfect” models.
Even if you’re still surrounded by peers similar to you, the level of exposure to people who look “so much better” than you has drastically increased.
You go home and you continue to scroll on Instagram, seeing not just people who appear to be happy, but people who appear to be beautiful, fit, wealthy, and happy.
No wonder kids think: How in the world is everyone so much better than me?
Your brain no longer sees your current environment as it starts to believe all of these people on social media are people who are actually around you in real life.
It starts to look at their (carefully crafted) lives and it compares it to your own while noticing that these people are so much “better looking” than you.
Your brain will think that there are all these people who are much more successful than you, wealthier than you, and happier than you.
As a result, we feel our position is very low in the social hierarchy.
No wonder why teens and tweens start to emphasize on their online persona way more than their offline version of themselves.
The more we focus on posting carefully crafted photos with carefully selected filters and effects, the more we can believe that person is the “real you”.
There can be a moment when you look in the mirror, you refuse to accept that person you see.
You won’t like that person anymore.
This can lead to BDD: Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
You are not happy with the “flaws” and imperfections you see, and you think that you need to get rid of them in order to be happy. In order to belong. In order to be successful.
There is a reason why the term Snapchat dysmorphia exists.
More tweens request cosmetic procedures to look better on social media.
They want to belong. To fit in. They want to keep up with the standards of Instagram and Snapchat.
That’s why it’s important to have a purpose and be intentional when you go on such platforms.
Don’t lose yourself in the bottomless social media vortex.
It is up to you to decide whether you want to change anything physical about yourself but don’t expect that being the key to true happiness and success.
When we are done with our phone, we may lock it manually or we may not.
In case we don’t, our phones will often do this for us.
The question is, how long will it take for your phone to lock itself automatically?
When you use the iPhone you can change this feature called auto-lock.
You can set the auto-lock from 30 seconds to never.
Of course, you do not want to select never.
I suggest to choose 3o seconds or 1 minute.
When you forget to lock your device, you do not want to your phone to keep lighting up.
Your phone will love it though, it teases you to come back for it.
Are you really sure you’re done with me? I’m still ready so what are you waiting for!?
Nevertheless, your phone’s battery won’t be happy though!
What’s important here, is that if you’re not used to lock your phone manually, you want to set the auto-lock in such a way that your device will lock itself quickly.
Let your iPhone dim the screen fast so you won’t see any possible notifications coming in.
You won’t see all those colorful apps staring at you when you put the phone back on the table in front of you.
Change the auto-lock to 1 minute or even 30 seconds and allow your phone some rest as well.
When you do something repeatedly, you’re going to get good at it.
Your brain will help you with that.
It doesn’t matter what you do though.
You could be doing something destructive on a repetitive basis and you will get good at it.
Because of you’re phone you’re good at getting distracted for example.
But you’re also good at typing on a touchscreen.
What about social media?
You’re using it a lot right? Instagram maybe? Or Snapchat?
If you use it a lot…that means you’re probably good at it.
If you’re good at it…why not use social media more wisely?
Why not use social media in a more meaningful way?
Why not use social media in a way that makes your future self smile?
You’re good at it, you might as well use your skills to do good in this world.
Think of the type of content you post, why not become more interesting on social media?
Don’t be just interested in other people’s lives or “interesting” because you post about your dinner or that new perfume you bought.
Become more interesting. Have a consistent message that you can share online.
Post content that will make others impressed not because you’re enjoying a cocktail in Bora Bora, but because they could resonate with your message.
Post in such a way that people will contact you to say that they appreciate your content.
That your content was helpful and refreshing.
You may end up meeting people who share the same mission and interests.
Business opportunities may come up which inspires you to create actual products or programs that you can sell online.
You can set up your online business for example.
The opportunities online are endless.
Improve your image online, use social media for good.
You have the skills already, you just got to revise your content strategy.
In an earlier video, I introduced the idea of a phone lounge.
You want to have a designated space where you leave your smartphone, whether you’re in the office, at home, or in the car.
When an area becomes a no phone zone. there should be no discussion regarding where to leave your phone.
It should be clear that you (and others) simply put the device(s) in the lounge.
If your phone lounge is far away and you don’t want to leave it all the way in the lounge, then I recommend the following:
Place your phone out of sight.
If you have your device close to you, make sure you don’t see it.
Even when you’re not consciously looking at it, make sure you can’t see it unconsciously.
Your brain is still seeing that phone although your awareness is mainly placed on something else.
This “visibility” can still create a level of anxiety and can still reduce your level of focus.
It doesn’t matter whether you have your phone upside down or flipped over.
It is still there. That’s the problem.
That’s why you want to move it somewhere behind you for example.
Or in a drawer close by.
If you’re working behind a laptop, place your device behind your laptop for example.
Just make sure you don’t see it.
Having your phone not only in eyesight but “mind-sight” still means his presence is somehow affecting you.
It knows you can consciously see it if you just move your head a bit to the left or right.
Like your phone is constantly whispering to look at it.
Don’t let it.
Keep your phone out of sight, or really move it to a designated phone lounge.
We often judge ourselves based on our intentions and not our actions.
All of us have great intentions.
We like to proclaim such intentions with lots of joy.
Unfortunately, we often don’t live our intentions.
When people judge us based on our actions, it is often painfully visible how our actions are not aligned with our intentions at all.
We live incongruently and it is hard to face this fact.
We talk about one thing but do something totally not related to that thing.
It is vital to always ask yourself before every action: what’s my intention?
What am I planning to do now and why?
So before you unlock your phone, ask yourself why and what your intention is.
Be clear with yourself.
If you want to check a notification and not go through the app cycle, declare this to yourself.
When you declared this to yourself, it is out in the open.
You will have to hold yourself accountable now.
You’re now conscious about what you’re about to do.
It will be harder to go through all the other apps without feeling uncomfortable.
When your program of going through all the apps starts to run while this wasn’t agreed, you will realize this.
This makes it easier to train yourself to stick to the plan which is the intention.
Or of course, you can set the intention of going through your apps for 30 minutes, then at least you won’t be shocked when 30 minutes have passed.
You have been honest with yourself.
You will have anticipated that. You consciously allowed yourself to do exactly that.
So whether you decide to use your phone for 5 minutes or 30 minutes, make that an intention you set before you unlock your phone.
Don’t say one thing and then kid yourself by not letting your actions reflect your intentions.
Live congruently and consciously.
In an earlier video, I explained how you disable the Active Status option in the Facebook App.
Not only how, but also why.
The quickest way to spend loads of time on the Facebook app is to show people you’re online and “available”.
This automatically happens when you open the Facebook app, a green dot will be visible next to your name which basically means trouble.
That’s why you want to disable this option in the Facebook app.
Not only there though, you also want to disable your active status in the Messenger app as well!
This process is easier, check the video for instructions.
Since the Messenger app and the Facebook app are interconnected, you want to disable your active status in both apps.
Now you can use both apps in peace as no one can see you are online let alone “available”.
Do you know that feeling of easily eating fast food when you’ve skipped the gym lately?
Like, one good habit that you failed for a week automatically activates the next bad habit.
The same applies to phone use.
I noticed that when I’m not really connected to myself, if I’m under the weather or I’m feeling down, I go for my phone faster.
I’m aware that one bad habit easily kicks-off the next, and the next, and the next.
That’s why it’s so important to have your life in order.
How you do one thing is how you do everything.
You can’t only work on reducing your phone use while neglecting other important elements that make your life a successful and healthy one.
You want bring such determination, discipline and tenacity to other desired activities and habits.
You want to reduce your screen time + sleep well + eat well + going to the gym + working on your future self etc.
When you focus on improving the other necessities of a fruitful life, it is much easier to use social media in limited ways.
It will make total sense not to use your phone so much, let alone social media.
One good habits triggers another good habit the same way a bad habit triggers another bad habit.
That’s why you want to build good habits one by one so they will all reinforce and strengthen one another.
You become an entirely new person.
A person who lives his or her values instead of just thinking about them.
You happily define yourself now by your actions and not your intentions.
You will identify yourself with those good habits.
Soon you won’t be excited that you’ve repeated a good action again, because it is part of you.
That’s who you are. Your standards are raised and you demand more from yourself.
Like brushing your teeth, you won’t be surprised you’re doing it.
That’s the level you want to be on with your good habits.
So when you start eating well for example or you go to the gym, that will be a catalyst to reduce your screen time more, and vice versa.
So again: how you do one thing is how you do everything.
Meaning: your identity is all about taking care of yourself and doing your best in every way possible.
I always found it annoying when someone starts chatting with me when I open the Facebook app.
In most cases, I simply wanted to check 1 thing and leave the app immediately.
The problem was that people saw I was online, they saw that infamous green dot next to my name which meant I’m online and available.
Although you can decide for who you want to be visible and available and for who you want to hide this status, I suggest to simply disable your Active Status entirely.
This means that the green dot disappears. People won’t know you’re online.
In the video, I explain where to disable your Active Status in the Facebook app.
You want to keep in mind that once you disable this, you won’t see anyone being available either.
Not a big of a sacrifice right?
Another thing you want to keep in mind is that once you disable your Active Status in the Facebook app, you also want to do the same in the Messenger app!
I’ll explain how to do that in one of next week’s videos.
Deleting apps is hard I get it.
You have programmed yourself to constantly open the app, even when there is no notification.
Simply deleting it is easier said than done.
If you think you’re addicted to social media, don’t think that you have no control.
Sometimes it’s easy to convince ourselves that we simply can’t do something about it because we’re addicted.
What can I do!? That app is simply addictive!
That’s not the mindset you want to keep alive.
Empower yourself and trust that nothing has such control over you.
You just have to develop yourself more to see your true potential and power.
While shifting that destructive mindset into a constructive one, try to see the following experience as a test:
Delete one social media app for just one day.
One day only.
Then the next day when you wake up and you’ve finished your morning routine, you can reinstall the again.
Maybe you want to do this with a friend so you can hold each other accountable.
When it’s deleted, go ahead and observe your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations you will experience during that day.
It’s fascinating right, how an app created by Mark Zuckberg, Evan Spiegel or Jack Dorsey can make you feel and think that way.
Can you imagine now why they are so rich?
What’s important here, is to create that awareness about how you react to your smartphone without that app.
How you react to things and people and how you spend your day without that app.
Is it hindering your life or do you feel actually pretty okay about it?
You’re going to learn something about yourself, be honest, and open about it with yourself.
Then the next day you can reinstall it again (it’s not mandatory though..).
Now you know if that feeling you’ve experienced without that app is normal, or if you think you should implement some boundaries to end that unhealthy attachment.
Or try to have that app deleted for 2 days, or maybe one week?
Keep testing yourself and write down about your experiences.
Going to bed without your phone is not only a strategy to use your phone less, but also to sleep better and to improve your health.
If I could give you a pill, and this pill would improve your memory, help you live longer, reduce your blood pressure, increase the quality of your skin, hair and look and will perform muscle repair, who wouldn’t want to take that pill?
Well, that pill is called sleep.
I can’t stress enough how it is absolutely vital to have a good night’s rest.
Stay away from light at night. It’s going to get harder to fall asleep because the emitted blue light suppresses the melatonin neurotransmitter.
And please, for your current sake and your future sake:
do not sleep with your phone underneath your pillow.
Again:
do not sleep with your phone underneath your pillow.
Sleeping with your phone underneath your pillow is the quickest way to become unhealthy and unhappy. Period.
In order to resist the temptation of using your phone, have a designated place outside the bedroom where you leave your phone.
Get yourself an alarm clock instead.
You want to wind down and get yourself some downtime before you go to bed.
Don’t get anxious because of a last-minute notification that will make you contemplate and restless in bed.
Have a good night practice that will improve your sleep hygiene.
In bed read a book or journal about your day.
Have that moment with yourself and with your spouse or partner lying next to you.
No screens should be allowed in the room when you go to sleep.
Not even a television.
The bedroom is for sleep and intimacy that’s it.
When you wake up, don’t check your phone immediately.
Say good morning to your spouse first.
Think about a positive message you want to read that will set you up for the day.
Don’t play Russian roulette by allowing your phone to show you the very first message of the day.
This could be a notification that may not serve you, which means you will start the day on the wrong foot.
So aside from your evenings, control your mornings.
Don’t allow the voices of the virtual world to enter your brain first thing when you wake up.
Have your morning routine so you take care of yourself first, before you say okay smartphone, what have I missed?
It is vital we finish and begin the day properly. We should honor the day when it ends and when a new one starts.
The virtual world has no business to interfere, we need to make sure our mindset and intentions are all set when we start the day.
Start the day with a positive message like an affirmation and set intentions for that day, so you will increase the chances drastically that today will be a good day.
So no screens before going to sleep, definitely no screens during sleep, and no screens immediately after sleep. Preserve your mind, body, spirit and health.
One of the reasons why I was opening Facebook every day was because I wanted to check if there is a birthday I should know about.
With more than 400+ people I had befriended, I simply couldn’t remember all their birthdays.
Not that I ever knew all birthdays of my 400 “friends”.
Nor did I find every single birthday super important.
But even when it was the birthday of someone I consider a close friend, I still wanted Facebook to remind me and notify me.
Once I started to ask myself: why am I opening Facebook every single day, only one answer came up every single time, and that was birthdays.
That’s it.
Aside from that, there was nothing compelling for me to do or see on Facebook.
If you’re feeling the same, then move this responsibility from Facebook to your device.
You’re using your smartphone anyway, so allow it to show you whose birthday it is today.
Add the birthday of every contact person you care about on your iPhone, followed by adding the calendar widget in the Today View.
Now you just have to check the Today View to see if you should wish someone a happy birthday today.
After you’ve set this up, you can delete Facebook safely.
Alright, if you use Facebook for other (valid) reasons, at least move it to a distant screen.
If you have downloaded IOS 14 already, then remove it from the home screen so it is only accessible via the App Library.
Ah and before I forget, please do remember birthdays of the people who are very close to you.
Don’t outsource your brain so easily, don’t get lazy in remembering and fix important information in that intelligent complex organ in your head.
We type a lot, whether that is on a keyboard or on a touchscreen.
We don’t create letters anymore with our hands as we used to.
When was the last time you wrote on a paper?
The last thing you wrote was probably a few words or a few sentences only.
This is not surprising. We don’t really write long letters anymore on paper.
There clearly are advantages when it comes to typing on a screen which I don’t need to explain.
There are some instances though where you do want to write in longhand.
An activity that really should be done by hand is journaling.
Journaling is an activity where you transfer what’s in your mind onto paper.
Since you’re converting thoughts into words, you facilitate the process by producing those letters with a pen.
That’s why I highly recommend getting a notebook when you want to journal.
When you write in a notebook, there is no distraction.
Also, you are not pressing keys on a keyboard which is unnatural in comparison to forming letters, words, and sentences with your wrist.
The whole process of writing feels more natural and tangible which doesn’t include emitted light from your screen and possible distractions.
There is also a lack of creativity involved when typing instead of writing.
What I mean with creativity is that you want to free-write.
You want to be spontaneous in your writing without having the possibility to press backspace.
The whole connection between transferring thoughts to visible words just flows better when writing in longhand.
You don’t want to be thinking about it.
You don’t want to be focusing on writing correctly and mistake-free.
You don’t want to be thinking of erasing words so you can rewrite them.
That’s not what journaling is about.
You just want to keep writing. Font, font size, handwriting, and spelling are inconsequential.
Now, what would you want to journal about in the first place you may wonder.
Well, here are a few subjects:
- Write your daily wins
- Write about your tasks and goals for the day
- Write an end of day review, what are you happy about and what not
- Write about your social media and phone use experiences
- Write about how you want to see your relationship with screens
- Write what you’re grateful for and why
- Write what you want to achieve in life (relationship, business, lifestyle)
- Write affirmations
Why you will want to write about these subjects, is essentially to hold a conversation with yourself.
It’s a way to hold yourself accountable.
You create clarity for yourself.
It’s a way to prioritize your own voice, feelings, and thoughts so they are brought into the light.
This is hard because normally social media allows everyone to have a party in your brain.
There is no room for your own voice to speak.
Journaling is a great way to have a better understanding of yourself.
You stay focused on life’s mission at hand that you have created for yourself.
Because if you don’t create this clarity in your life and you don’t hold yourself accountable, you will just keep letting yourself off the hook easily.
And as a result….people will just keep claiming your focus, time, energy whenever they please.
No matter how much we are lazy, complacent, and lying on the couch:
There is a voice inside of us that will tell us “can’t you see you’re wasting your time, what’s wrong with you!?”
For some, this voice is merely a whisper that they try to repress, but the voice is there nonetheless.
Truth is, we human beings are not built to be in constant lazy mode. We need to act, move, progress.
Why do you think so many millionaires and successful people become miserable?
It’s often because they have reached their goals and don’t really know what to do next.
Get busy living or get busy dying as Stephen King says.
Tony Robbins says progress equals happiness.
We human beings need to be productive, we need to have a mission, vision and goals.
No, this doesn’t mean that we have to be constantly busy.
It’s okay to chill on the couch, to play the Nintendo Switch, to use Instagram or to binge Stranger Things.
We need our moments of relaxation.
The way to actually enjoy such screen-related activities is if you feel that you deserve it.
That’s why we don’t feel good about ourselves when we watch Ozark for one full week non-stop, or when we use Facebook for 5 hours on a daily basis.
Deep down we know that we are not supposed to be doing that. It doesn’t feel natural nor healthy.
Being in consumption mode only doesn’t give you a level of satisfaction and meaning.
Being in production mode only doesn’t serve you either because your body and mind need to relax and unwind.
So you want to harmonize both.
Get productive so you feel good when you do entertain yourself with screen-related tasks.
You got your productive tasks done, so now you’re proud of yourself and reward yourself with some quality movie time with friends, family, or just by yourself.
Schedule your social media use in such a way that you take on this activity after you have done something that made you pat yourself on the back.
Something that connects to your progress, growth, and development.
At the same time, let this reward motivate you to take on that productive task like going to the gym or writing that business plan.
Anticipate the feeling you will get from using social media after you’ve kept a promise to yourself when you said you will do that necessary growth-related task.
Simultaneously, you also want to anticipate the feeling you will get from using social media when you haven’t done what you said you would do.
You won’t be happy with yourself, even when you minimize that voice that says “you know you should have done that.”
At the end of the day, you know who you really are when no one is watching.
You can lie to others, but not to yourself.
You can escape any issues you with yourself, but paradoxically the more you escape them…the more those issues will determine and control your life in ways your future self will be anything but pleased (to put it mildly).
In an earlier blog, I mentioned planning your distractions.
In the blog, I suggested planning 1 or 2 hours for social media alone.
During that time you can use social media as you please.
Use social media shamelessly but don’t do anything else.
Have you planned social media for 90 minutes?
Then only use social media for 90 minutes!
Oftentimes you will be super aware of the fact that you are actually….just wasting your time.
You don’t need to spend a lot of time on social media, and this very fact you will (hopefully) experience.
What you can do to make sure you don’t spend more time on social media once social media time is over, is to use an alarm.
This can be an alarm on your phone or a kitchen alarm for example.
Also, when you use a laptop, make sure you log out from your account and clear your browser’s history, saved passwords, and data.
Don’t allow your browser to remember all your online activities and personal information.
Create that extra bit of friction.
Again: when you actually do plan to use 2 hours for social media, you will hopefully understand that this is way too much.
The key is to bring this feeling with you for the rest of your day, so you won’t quickly hop on social media again.
When you use social media, make sure you do all the essentials so you don’t need to use it again for that day.
Are you communicating with someone? Set the right expectations and inform the person (people) that you are not going to be on standby 24/7.
You have things to do.
Alternatively, use an IM app like Messenger so you can stay in contact with others, but without any interruptions or temptations from the social media platform.
Sitting comfortably in our chairs staring at our screens is not hard to do.
Going along with our feelings of tiredness, not being bothered and “chillaxing” is easy when you can keep up with your communication using a keyboard and touchscreen.
It’s easy to stay in contact through mediated communication.
When I started to chat back in 2000, (yes it was a novelty back then!), not many of us were daily video chatting.
You needed a good quality webcam and internet connection to properly see each other during the entire conversation.
Nowadays we video chat constantly on our devices.
This is a huge plus point and I’m grateful that this is all possible.
The flip side is that we may tend to neglect meeting up in the real world.
We are constantly stimulated which makes us (feel) “busy” all the time.
Being constantly faced with temptation and stimulation is exhausting and overwhelming.
No wonder we are mentally tired.
This is the reason why we should disconnect more from the Internet in order to connect more in the offline world.
We need to preserve our offline connections and quality time together.
If we “meet up” mostly online, then our social skills will erode.
We will feel more uncomfortable to meet people in the offline world.
Looking into someone’s eyes becomes more daunting and social cues are missed.
If you don’t regularly engage with people in the offline world, you may even misinterpret body language.
Don’t lose such skills. Use screens to maintain a connection and to prepare a meetup offline.
Not that you have to meet a friend every day, but make it a weekly or monthly routine to meet somewhere where you can actively listen and enjoy the person’s energy.
We people crave for connection.
When your friend or acquaintance is living abroad then yes I can imagine that you will be video calling.
But if you and your friend don’t live that far away, make the effort to meet.
Enjoying each other’s company while being on the same wavelength with the other person will transpire in great energy that can be truly felt when that person is sitting or standing in front of you.
Most of us understand how important it is to plan your day.
Without a plan, you will often do what is easiest like using your phone.
Time is precious and none of us have any clue how many years, weeks, or days we have left.
When we want to build and produce, we need to plan our time.
We want to do a lot: work, spend time with the family, our friends, and entertain ourselves.
It is easy to get caught up in any activity, (like social media!) and if you are not careful, you will end the day without thinking: today was a productive day!
Aside from planning your work, why not consciously plan your distractions as well?
Social media is important to you? Then dedicate e.g. a full 2 hours for social media in the evening.
Just social media. Enjoy social media for 2 hours and you can do whatever you want.
Scroll, comment, post, share, anything that is congruent with your netiquette, and values.
Interestingly enough, what can happen, is that you will get bored after one hour.
If that’s the case: Good!! That’s the feeling you want to associate with social media.
You are aware now, you are consciously wasting your time. That’s not a nice feeling!
You may tell yourself; 2 hours is way too long! I only need one hour!
Great! Next time use social media for just one hour.
Whatever it is that you were doing on social media, make sure that you don’t log in again after the 2 hours is over.
Set the right expectations to people who you fear may wait anxiously for your reply.
By planning your distraction and entertainment-related tasks, you don’t have to feel bad about doing them since you have authorized yourself to act on them.
Once you’re done, make sure that whatever it is that you have planned next, your full focus and attention will go on that next task or person.
Many of us I imagine, can appreciate that social media is free of charge.
I mean, would you spend so much time on it if it wasn’t free?
Probably not. Many won’t.
Because it is free, it is more than easy to spend (all) your time on social media.
There really is no friction to stop you.
While you don’t pay money for social media, this doesn’t mean it doesn’t cost you.
You pay for your access to those platforms with your data and time.
Social media platforms want your data, and you’re eager to hand it over to them.
That’s why they know you better than your close friends know you.
Your online behavior is visible and available to no one except…..exactly, social media companies.
That’s how they create such unique experiences for you.
They know what you will want to do next. If you like THAT content, well then surely you will love THIS!
Their mission is to monetize your eyeballs.
The more you spend your time online while sharing your data, the more money they make.
That’s why you are not the customer, but the product.
That’s why it’s free of charge.
The advertisers are the customers.
Can you imagine how much your data is worth? Data that your own spouse doesn’t even know about you!? Well…it’s worth a lot.
No wonder advertising companies love to do business with social media.
Remember that social media will never explain to you how to use social media, only why you should use it.
Use this platform to connect! To belong! To meet!
But they will never tell you how to use social media.
Because if they do, they would have to tell you that spending 5 hours a day on it is way too much.
You don’t need so much time on social media. You really don’t.
So is social media an advertising system or a social platform? That’s the question.
One thing is for sure, you better cherish and own your time and attention because if not….social media is ready to claim and own both…
Just thinking about disconnecting from social media for one week can result in feelings of anxiety.
Not just because you wouldn’t know how to stay in contact with people, but also because of any negative reactions you may receive from your “friends”.
Interestingly enough, when you do disconnect from social media, you will notice that people don’t really care that much.
They are pretty much indifferent to whatever it is that you’re doing and why.
People know how to occupy themselves online and probably won’t even notice your absence.
So if that is a reason not to disconnect from social media, then know that we are mostly too busy worrying about ourselves.
When you do discuss your idea of disconnecting from social media, some people may think it is an “antisocial” act.
They will invent dozens of reasons why not using social media will be a big problem.
I want to remind you that disconnecting from social media is not antisocial.
When you want to disconnect because you want to reconnect with yourself and with others more effectively (in the offline world), you’re definitely not antisocial.
Just because Mark Zuckerberg, Evan Spiegel and Jack Dorsey created a platform where people can gather, doesn’t mean that this is the best way to stay in touch.
We follow the herd easily. If everyone is on Facebook, well then I guess I’ll have to be on it as well!
Well, you don’t.
There are much better options out there in terms of staying in touch.
If you feel the urge to disconnect, even for a little while, or simply to use social media less, then definitely go for it.
Just because you befriend people, doesn’t mean they are your friends.
True friends don’t want to see an unhappy you.
True friends will be okay that you will communicate with them through other means.
True friends will understand why you want to distantiate yourself from all the social media noise.
True friends will know you’re not antisocial, but pro social.
You value your time, your true connections and your peace of mind.
True friends will not only respect that, but will admire you for your decision.
People sometimes ask me about memes.
What do I think of them? Do I look at them?
Yes, I do! Not often but sometimes I do encounter them.
Many years ago I was looking at memes constantly.
They are hilarious I admit.
Thankfully though, I don’t look at them so much anymore.
What I find interesting about many memes is that they represent our day to day feelings and thoughts very well.
They are often spot on!
For example, memes make jokes about the way we:
- Spend our money fast
- Fail to stay in shape
- Don’t want to be bothered
- Fail our plans and NYE resolutions
Honestly, I could relate to all of them. I was like that. Many of us are like that.
What I did notice more and more, is that it started to become confrontational because I wanted to become the opposite of what those memes were presenting.
I didn’t want to laugh about it because I could relate.
I want to laugh about it and feel grateful that such scenarios don’t apply to me (most of the time).
Memes are often right! They represent society’s mindset perfectly!
That’s why I knew I really had to do something about it in order for me not to relate anymore.
Ironically, I had to stay further away from memes in order to build a life that contradicts the lifestyle projected by those memes.
Now I still encounter memes sometimes, but I don’t look them up anymore.
When I do see them, I tend to laugh because they are still hilarious!
I’m not saying memes are bad by the way.
I think it is good to place a mirror in front of society so we understand how we are thinking, feeling, and living our lives.
Humor at the end of the day can be inspirational as well.
Humor is a fantastic way to cope with all the day to day hardships we face in our lives.
So yes I don’t mind that more memes are produced, keep them coming!
Jut make sure you’re not sacrificing too much of your life to ensure you witness every single meme out there.
When you want to connect with someone, don’t have your device in your hand.
When you want to show you’re a good listener, don’t have your device in your hand.
This may sound pretty obvious but in practice, we are not always mindful of this.
We check our devices a lot so the chances are high that when someone is approaching you, you have your smartphone in your hand.
Try to be mindful of this and place your phone in your pocket when this happens.
Having your phone in your hand sends out the wrong signal.
When you keep your phone in your hand and you’re engaged in a conversation, you show the person the phone is allowed to interrupt the conversation any minute.
You show the person that he or she is important and that you’re listening, but when a notification comes in….then yeah you will have to pause in order to check where the notification comes from!
It’s obvious that you don’t want to convey such messages when you’re in a conversation.
You want to make the person feel comfortable while knowing your attention is placed on him or her.
Even when there is a notification and you check it but you tell the person it is not important…that STILL shows that you’re waiting for something more important than that person.
That means that there could have been a notification that IS more important than the conversation you are having in the offline world.
Again, that is not the message you want to send out.
So….when you are engaging in a conversation, put your phone away.
Don’t put it (flipsided) on the table in front of you, but in your pocket.
When you put the phone away you show you want to fully dedicate your attention and focus on that person.
People will simply start to like you more.
People will feel more comfortable with opening up because they know you take them seriously.
Learn to give your phone some rest when you’re connecting in the offline world.
Listening and acknowledging the other person is great, but showing you care about his or her story so much that you’re willing to put your phone away is much more powerful.
We love to set gigantic goals for ourselves.
We are not used to going to the gym and suddenly we want to go 4 times a week starting next week.
We eat junk food 3 times a week and want to reduce it to once a month starting next month.
We want to stay away from our phones for a week while we can’t even stay away for 2 hours.
It shows that we really really really want to do better.
That’s good. You want to dream big, you want to see yourself being healthy, active, and disciplined.
After having created such visions which I believe you can definitely make a reality, you want to go back to the concept of baby steps.
Start small.
Developing a habit is not done in 2 days.
And don’t think you can get yourself off the hook after having done the activity for “66 days” or “30 days”.
It will be easier to do the activity but it will still require discipline and planning.
You want to start keeping promises to yourself. Promises that will fill up your confidence bucket.
You want to build momentum, you want to gain small wins which makes you feel good about yourself.
If you’re not used to going to the gym and not eating and drinking properly, start with drinking water.
In the evening if you’re used to drinking Fanta, replace it with water.
That’s all.
If I ask you can you do it? You will probably say of course!
Then the next question is: will you?
That will make the difference right there.
You will think that you made it ridiculously easy for yourself, which is good!
Now do it and keep that small promise to yourself: the promise of e.g. drinking water 5 evenings every week instead of Fanta.
Don’t focus on the intensity of the habit.
The habit can be anything.
Do you want to reduce your phone use? Just be phoneless for 1 hour every evening if you’re used to using screens constantly.
Just one hour. Plan your replacement activity and let your phone rest for that one hour.
Then from there, you can always increase the intensity of the habit.
You can change 1 hour of being phoneless every evening to 2 hours.
Ask yourself, which small step of improvement can I take that should be pretty easy?
Then start doing it.
My social media apps are not touched often.
I don’t use my social media accounts a lot.
Limited social media use is programmed in my being.
Such habits are internalized by me.
No need to be consciously careful with my time on Facebook or Twitter, since they are not interesting enough for me to spend a lot of time on them.
One platform though, where I do have to be careful is YouTube.
There is so much content on YouTube and it knows exactly what you want to watch or listen to.
No, I don’t watch movies of people bathing in Nutella, but I do watch a lot of educational videos.
There are so many of them, so it’s easy to keep watching..and watching…and watching…
A few years ago I wouldn’t mind, but now I understand that producing and consuming have to be harmonized.
I can’t constantly consume all the time, that will defeat the purpose of watching educational content!
What’s harder is when you use YouTube to play music.
YouTube knows and can predict what you will like, because through algorithms it knows that people who listen to e.g. Michael Bublé, also listen to John Mayer.
So when you listen to Michael Bublé…Youtube knows exactly what to recommend next.
Let’s take YouTube’s homepage….one look and you see a myriad of videos that you will probably want to see…
Luckily there is a plugin that enables you to make the YouTube homepage distraction-free (DFTube).
So yes, YouTube is my only challenge sometimes when it comes to consciously consuming content.
This probably applies to many of us.
YouTube has amazing content, but since you can literally find anything you want to see and listen to…it is one of the hardest social media platforms to disconnect from.
It’s hard to delete apps.
That’s why this is often not the first strategy I recommend.
Some apps you really should remove asap (game apps!), some you will want to remove (certain social media apps), but some apps are just too necessary and can’t be deleted according to most phone users.
Of course, I’m talking about IM apps.
Whether you should delete apps or not is a story for another time.
For now, just focus on the apps you really want to keep on your phone.
Apps you want to use less.
What you simply do, is to move distracting apps to a screen far away from the home screen.
And no, I’m not talking about the 2nd or 3rd screen, but something like the 5th or 6th screen.
Move apps far far away from your truly important apps.
Allow yourself to lose a few nanoseconds to find a distracting app.
You know what, why don’t you move each distracting app in a separate folder?
Then you give each folder the exact same name!
Make it more complicated for yourself….give yourself a very good reason to open a distracting app!
Don’t cheat by using the search bar and make sure Siri App suggestions are disabled!
At least you can keep your apps, just make the process of opening your popular apps more challenging.
During the process of swiping to the 6th screen, you will remember again why you have moved the app so far away.
This means you will purposefully go for that app if you wish to do so.
When I say I watch motivational videos, people don’t always react positively.
When it comes to the news or Netflix no one asks questions, but when it comes to motivational videos everyone has an opinion all of a sudden.
There are multiple reasons why people can be negative about such videos.
Law of Attraction, Self-Help, You can Do It!!! quotes…these terms have been around for a while and have been misused a lot.
Some people I met don’t believe in this and think such concepts are nothing but baloney.
Some even say that no one needs motivational videos and say: why would you watch that? You just have to motivate yourself!
I reply by saying we should never speak for others.
There is a large number of people in the world who have faced unspeakable hardships and traumatic events we cannot even fathom.
These people often have no self-confidence, no self-love, and no self-worth.
Who are we to say that they don’t need to see or listen to any uplifting content?
Another problem is that we think we only need to watch a few videos before we should be able to perform miracles.
That’s not how it works. Like motivational speaker Zig Ziglar said:
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing, that’s why we recommend it daily.
If you want to change your mind, you have to continuously receive input that reinforces any new beliefs you are creating for yourself.
Repetition is the key.
When people think about motivational videos, they envision people with an amazing physique pumping iron while epic music and loud motivational quotes can be heard.
True, many videos are like that (which I find helpful as well!), but there is a lot more self-development related content out there like interviews and presentations.
Now for me, the biggest reason why I watch such videos is to refresh my mind.
Sometimes after hearing negative occurrences or seeing negative events (whether that’s on TV, the internet, or real life), I want to replenish my mind again.
I want to feed my mind the proper nutrition and the correct fuel that enable me to be optimistic and clear-minded again.
It feels like a cleanse.
If I ever have the idea of letting my smartphone take over my day, it gets crushed immediately because of my inner stance and awareness.
Yes, sometimes I watch videos with epic music and people running and hitting the gym, but most of the time I watch in-depth interviews.
Hearing other people speak about how they have overcome their hardships is super inspirational.
At the end of the day, it’s not just about motivating yourself, it’s about learning, growing, expanding your mind, changing perspective, and inspiration.
Instant Messaging apps are better for one-to-one communication than social media apps.
There is also less distraction in an IM app than in a social media app.
Nevertheless, using an IM app like WhatsApp can be stressful.
WhatsApp includes some smart tricks to make you use the app a lot more than you intend to.
You can see when someone is typing for example.
Why locking your device if you can expect a message any minute!
You don’t need to be in the conversation either to see someone is typing.
Or what about the 2 blue ticks that show the person has opened the conversation?
Or what about the visibility of your last WhatsApp visit?
All this data can make you stressed because you think that people expect a reply from you.
The thought of: “It would be impolite not to reply to someone if I have seen a person’s message or if I were online only a few minutes ago!”
This exhausting feeling makes it hard to disconnect from WhatsApp.
People expect a quick reply. Your attention is required and demanded 24/7.
That’s why it is time to change a few WhatsApp privacy settings.
Watch the video and make yourself more invisible in WhatsApp.
Then you can disconnect much quicker without worrying about what others may think of you.
Doing a digital detox and digital minimalism are all great options that I highly recommend.
Unfortunately, these activities are not as easy as they sound.
We become excited to start a digital detox when we are super frustrated with our devices.
Such moments don’t last long though.
When we have our moments where we are super aggregated with our smartphone and social media and say to ourselves ENOUGH, it doesn’t really last long.
Oftentimes such emotions are fleeting and you’ll be using your device a few minutes later as nothing happened.
Not all the time, but most of the time.
There are times that you really say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and you mean it!
You are super serious when you say you want to do something about it!
That’s good because now you expect from yourself to take at least one step to change your screen habits.
We may say we want to do a digital detox and actually start it, but we rarely finish it the way we planned.
When we are emotional, we tend to declare big statements like I won’t use my phone for a whole evening every day for the next 5 days!
Very ambitious, but not really practical. You’re programmed to do differently.
You don’t break such a program that easily.
When you calm down and you’re still serious about doing a digital detox, you want to prepare properly.
There are some key tips I share in the video that will help you prepare for your digital detox.
Start a small digital detox first so for one evening for example, and not for one week or more!
Let me know how it was after you’ve finished (and you still want to be online! )
Reading books is becoming harder and harder.
Not many people read a book per week, unfortunately.
Nevertheless….we do read a lot nowadays.
Think about all the emails, text messages, and articles you are reading on a daily basis…
That’s a lot of reading!
But does this mean we are getting good at focusing?
Not really.
Text messages and emails are usually not long.
What about articles? Well…it’s hard to focus from the beginning till the very end.
Imagine an online article…what do you see? Distraction!
When you read a blog, there are multiple CTA’s on that page that you can click on.
There are images, links to other articles, multiple browser tabs that are ready to be clicked….
It’s hard to focus when you read a blog.
This is very different when you read a book. There are no such distractions.
There might be a dog barking outside, but the book itself is not going to distract you.
That’s why you don’t want to get used to skimming text all the time.
Get yourself a book and see if you can focus for 30 minutes.
If you can’t do this, know that you’re not alone.
Fortunately, you can change this by minimalizing distractions and entering the flow of reading or any form of productive activity.
A few decades ago we felt blessed when there was 1 workstation in our homes.
Doesn’t matter if a family consists of 10 family members: everyone felt grateful to have access to that one impressive machine.
Nowadays we all have our own devices. Sometimes not just one, but multiple devices per family member.
It’s easy to imagine a scenario where everyone with their own devices is engaging individually with their own devices.
This scenario doesn’t look great and it isn’t. Many families can attest to that.
We all live our individual lives in our homes, focused on many things and people which do not include the people in our own home.
Whether you, your spouse, or your children experience challenges with screen time: you may want to introduce a more rigorous solution.
This solution can be a family workstation.
Introducing a family workstation in your living room offers multiple benefits.
For example:
- You have more control over your children’s online behavior
- You have to make a schedule regarding who, when, and for how long the machine can be used
- You have to utilize your screen time more mindfully since the clock is ticking
- You’re not mobile so you have to do all that you want/need in a specific timeframe
You can implement the rule of using the family workstation on specific days or in the evenings for example (if not 24/7).
Another tip: connect to the internet with a cable so you don’t need a WIFI connection.
Children are more vulnerable to the radiation given off by wireless devices so you may want to keep that in mind as well.
It’s annoying when you receive calls from someone who wants to sell you something.
Or to receive incoming calls from people you don’t know.
When you don’t want to be bothered by unknown numbers and you use an iPhone, you can make use of the following feature:
Silence Unknown Callers
When you enable this feature which was introduced with iOS 13, calls from unknown numbers will be silenced, sent to voicemail, and displayed on the Recents list.
Incoming calls will continue to ring from people in your contacts, recent outgoing calls and Siri suggestions.
In other words: when the feature is enabled and you hear the sound of an incoming call, you know someone’s calling who you have spoken with before.
Be careful though…sometimes incoming calls from unknown numbers can be important!
So be mindful when you want to enable this option which you can find in the Phone settings.
The reason why we look up to superheroes is that they want to help others.
Superheroes prioritize the greater good and inspire people all over the world.
Superheroes may struggle with their own issues, but they will never refuse anyone who asks for help.
Deep down we want to be like them. We want to serve, to matter, to make an impact on people’s lives.
Whether you are negative online, a hater, or a troll: if I ask you if you prefer to remain in this state or to enter a state of fulfillment, service, and adventure, you would choose the latter.
Some haters may disagree, but that means they don’t want to acknowledge their pain and mental state yet.
I always say when you feel helpless, be helpful.
We all reach that moment in our lives where we realize that giving feels so much better than receiving.
Serving and making a difference in people’s lives makes you feel good.
Serving others hits the same part of your brain as eating food and having sex.
Therefore honor the true intentions that may have hidden inside of you.
When you present yourself to the online community, behave in such a way you would behave offline.
Don’t be a mean person just because there is a screen that protects you.
Everyone knows that haters are not operating from a good place.
To say truly awful things means you must be suffering from great pain.
They feel miserable inside, and prefer to spend their precious time focusing on others.
I mean…that alone tells you enough.
Of all the 10000 activities one can take on with their time, haters decide to spend their time on consuming someone’s content and leaving negative comments.
Putting others on a pedestal this way by sacrificing your own time is the definition of limited to 0 confidence and standards.
Be the person you want to attract in your life in both the virtual and the real world.
You want to attract good and optimistic people so become a good and optimistic person.
Utilize the internet and social media in a mindful way so your meaningful voice can be heard and shared.
We want to be a superhero. We want to put a smile on people’s faces by inspiring and helping them.
That’s where true greatness and fulfillment can be achieved.
A few years ago tracking and blocking apps started to be available in Apple’s App Store and Google Play.
These apps have helped smartphone users to become more mindful about how much they use their devices.
Not only that, but such apps also allow the user to block specific apps for a set period of time.
Apple and Google couldn’t be left behind of course.
In 2018 both tech giants introduced their own features that offer digital wellness and digital wellbeing.
Apple introduced Screen Time and Google introduced Digital Wellbeing.
One of Screen Time’s features is Downtime.
Downtime enables you to give your phone a break and vice versa.
When you enable Downtime, apps won’t be accessible anymore for a set period of time.
You can schedule Downtime or customize the time period of each day.
If there are apps that you still want to use when Downtime is enabled, you can allow these apps to be available during Downtime.
When a new feature, device, or innovation is introduced and released, we quickly embrace any possible advantages they offer in our lives.
Of course, the reason why they are introduced is often to facilitate our lives.
Yes, technology is helping us a lot.
Our lives have become easier and convenient because of tech.
There is a lot more we can do on our couches now that we couldn’t do many years ago.
In some instances, there are clear disadvantages to such features and innovations as well.
One of them is the feature AirDrop.
AirDrop is a feature that lets you instantly send files, photos, and other content to other iPhone users who are physically close to you.
AirDrop basically enables the transfer of files using Wi-Fi and Bluetooth.
While this can be very advantageous, there are clearly risks involved.
It’s risky because you can receive files from someone you don’t know.
So when someone has any bad intentions….it is possible you receive inappropriate content.
That person can bully or harass you easily and very publicly by sharing embarrassing photos for example.
So decide for yourself (and especially for your children) how you want to have AirDrop Enabled.
Set it to Contacts Only if you really want to keep using the feature.
If you have children, you probably want to turn it off.
Aside from disabling the option for your child, don’t forget to have the tech talk, give guidelines, and to talk about peer pressure and sexual harassment.
Let’s think out of the box for a second.
We want to make it more challenging to go for our phones.
So let’s make the whole act of using your smartphone uncomfortable.
It’s hard to stay away from your phone when you’re chilling and lying on the couch right.
Well then, what about if you are prohibited from using the device while lying on the couch?
That’s exactly what today’s strategy is all about.
Create friction and challenge yourself when you want to unlock your device.
So now when you want to unlock your device, you have to stand up.
That’s it. Stand up and do what you need to do.
Only when you lock your phone, you can sit down or lie down again.
Can you try that?
You can check the time if you want (no need to unlock your phone for that), but anything else can only be done when you stand up.
Maybe you want to allocate a special place where you can stand up (or your spouse, or your child).
So now when anyone wants to unlock their smartphone, they have to stand at that allocated space aka the phone zone.
It’s all about being creative!
Let me know if you’re up for the challenge and how it goes!
We are very fortunate to live in this day and age.
We are living in the renaissance of entrepreneurship.
There are so many opportunities available to us it’s insane.
With the advent of the internet, we can learn how to set up a business and actually set up a business.
The world really is ours, we have the ability to learn how to improve and empower ourselves.
While this is all fantastic, there is also a flipside.
The flipside is…..distraction.
There is so much distraction out there! There is so much we can do now!
We are constantly stimulated, we don’t need to be patient anymore to look for things.
The internet can provide us with all sorts of relief.
There is a lot we can do now while lying on our couches and beds.
This was definitely not the case a few decades ago.
A few decades ago the opportunities may not have been so apparent as they are now, but there was less distraction.
There was less opportunity to be complacent. To stay put. To stay indoors. To escape.
You had to go out there to get things done.
You had to go out there to meet someone.
You had to make your brain work to figure things out.
Nowadays…because of the Google effect (outsourcing our brain to Google), we let Google figure things out for us.
We allow tech to do a lot for us.
So here is where we are now:
Loads of opportunities, but more stimulation and distraction available to us.
In other words, opportunities are right there for the taking, but it’s just so hard to delay gratification.
The raw truth is: if you can’t delay gratification, you do nothing but hurting yourself.
Let’s remind ourselves that if we are not able to delay gratification, we can never build a foundation for our future.
So when you are able to focus and avoid constant hyperarousal and overstimulation, you can use and focus on one of the many opportunities out there to improve your life.
To end with a famous quote: don’t sacrifice what you want most for want you now.
Learn to delay gratification and see your life unfold itself in ways you can’t even imagine.
Triggers triggers, there are triggers everywhere that make you go for your device.
It’s time to set a counter trigger: a trigger that reminds you to be mindful when you go for your phone!
A simple trigger you can implement is the use of an effective wallpaper.
Use quotes on your wallpaper like:
- Stay Away
- You have better things to do
- Lock your phone!
Or what about a mantra? Do you have a mantra or motto you live by?
Use it as your device’s wallpaper!
What about a photo of a loved one? A person that represents your why, your reason for wanting to establish a healthy relationship with your device in the first place.
A photo of someone who motivates you to reduce your phone use can be incredibly powerful.
Think carefully about what type of wallpaper makes you think twice to unlock your phone, or that makes you think twice to continue with your phone use once the initial reason is completed (checking that one notification for example).
Counter triggers: they allow you to wake up when external and internal triggers make you grab your smartphone in a zombie-like mode.
Get that wallpaper so your phone will make you remember to stay conscious and aware.
When I was young I have done many foolish things.
Luckily back then, there was no smartphone to document it all…
After a silly mistake, we laughed about it, went home, and never mentioned it again.
No one would ever remind me of that one failure.
Nowadays everything can be documented with the help of our devices…
Kids and people are like paparazzi now, ready to document anything funny or shocking with their smartphone.
Photos are posted and shared, and then a lot more people know about that one happening…
I can imagine this is very exhausting and overwhelming.
This is one of the reasons we are very careful in the offline world.
Another reason is that we are used to protecting ourselves in the online world.
We don’t just communicate with our core friends anymore.
We engage in conversations with strangers as well.
We post content that is visible to people we don’t know.
The result of that is that people can give us negative feedback.
Anyone can now experience hateful comments and bullying.
With our guards up all the time in the virtual world…. we tend to forget how to live without that guard.
The more we get used to acting behind a brick wall that protects us…the more that persona becomes our real persona.
Our real persona aka our offline persona aka our real selves.
When we are constantly careful in the online world, we tend to be careful in the offline world as well.
This means we forget how to establish new relationships.
We don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to open up.
We are not used to doing this in the online world, so it’s easy to copy-paste that behavior in the offline world.
Do not forget that the online persona comes with a different set of rules which do not apply to your offline persona: the real you.
Don’t neglect your communication and social skills.
Don’t think you have to bring that wall to the offline world, not to such an extreme extent.
At the end of the day, the wall doesn’t only protect you but blocks your blessings at the same time.
Don’t be afraid of intimacy in the offline world.
Know how to be vulnerable and transparent.
Don’t be so distant all the time. Know when you can open yourself up.
Don’t allow yourself to be so cold and distant if that’s how you operate in the virtual world.
The offline world operates on a whole different set of rules, don’t forget them and don’t neglect them.
Hopefully, you know that the internet remembers.
While it is easy to type a message while being in an emotional state, it may follow you forever.
You leave a digital footprint behind, and that’s why it is vital you learn internet etiquette. (netiquette).
The values that you live by in the offline world should also be lived in the virtual world.
Don’t create a gap between the offline and online versions of yourself.
Don’t pretend you’re someone else in the virtual world just because there is a screen “protecting” you.
Make your actions and values align. Think critically before leaving any comments online.
Ask yourself 3 questions I mention in the audio before you publish a post, whether that is on social media, in a comment section of a website, or on a forum.
If you’re already mindful about your posting and you prioritize empathy and respect, then there’s nothing to worry about.
Sometimes we think that humanity is heading in the wrong direction.
We become more aggressive, mean, apathetic, and selfish.
There might be some truth to that, but I believe it’s not as bad as the media is telling us.
Such effects can exist though when you sacrifice the offline world for the virtual world.
It is highly possible you will show such traits.
When you look at the term selfish, you would think about prioritizing oneself first.
Why this is certainly the case in many situations, let’s now shift perspective.
If you imagine how we sacrifice our time, our energy, our health, our focus, our efforts, our future for the sake of our job, friends, and online friends, you can say that you are in fact not selfish at all.
Quite the contrary, you’re very much selfless.
While selfless alone is a goal in and of itself, it should not be accomplished at the expense of your own self-care.
We allow ourselves to be available 24/7. Anyone can get our attention through our mobile device.
We are more committed to our work (that we don’t even love to do in most cases) than we are to our own personal health and self-actualization.
Now when you think of yourself and you prioritize yourself first, what will happen?
You will eventually become healthier and clearer about the things you want to do in life and who you want to be.
You will feel more comfortable with yourself. Of course, this takes time and dedication, this is not accomplished in one day.
When you do reach and feel that level of progress, how do you think that will affect the people around you? Your partner? Friends? Family?
You will be in a much more powerful position. Now that you are taken care of, you can assist others in a much more effective and efficient way.
A happier you simply makes your close connections happier.
Fill your cup so that you can be so full your cup runneth over and you have enough to give to other people.
This is the reason it is absolutely necessary to set boundaries.
Don’t allow people to demand your attention whenever they want to.
Set up your life in such a way that you decide when you can be disturbed.
Prioritize you first. Become selfish first!
Then you can be selfless in ways not only your nearest and dearest benefit from but your entire community and even the world as well.
Triggers triggers triggers, there are triggers everywhere!
We are constantly bombarded with triggers that run automatic programs.
An example of such an automatic program is to grab our device of course.
Luckily for all of us, we can introduce counter triggers in our lives!
Counter triggers allow us to wake up from that automatic program.
when we are counter triggered, we realize again that it’s a choice to use our smartphone.
We are conscious again and can therefore rationally decide to go for our phone, or not.
When you choose to grab your device that’s fine, but now you finished that action in full wakefulness.
Today’s counter trigger is applicable when your device is close to you.
The trigger is very simple: have your device upside down. That’s it.
Every time you want to grab your phone, you will quickly wake up because it is upside down.
This very simple action can become a powerful counter trigger.
Will you try it out?
Disabling notifications is considered as the number one advice when it comes to reducing your screen time habits.
And yes, disabling notifications reduces your phone’s ability to demand your attention whenever it wants.
Another action you should take to instantly reduce your screen time today, is deleting any game apps you have installed.
It is easy for me to say to delete your IM apps or social media apps you use multiple times a day, but people are more hesitant to delete those which is understandable.
There are many reasons why you want to use an Instant Messaging app or social media app.
For business purposes, to have conversations, to audio call, to engage in groups etc.
When you explain why you want to keep using a game app however, you can’t really hide behind a valid reason other than the desire to entertain yourself.
You have to be honest and admit that the sole purpose of such game apps is to distract and entertain yourself.
So if there is a voice in your head saying you really should use your phone less, then any other voice that tries to defend your game apps won’t be able to speak with such volume and power.
Sooner or later you will have to conclude that game apps are not serving you and should be the first to go.
Especially when you want to become more phoneless in your life!
So get rid of those apps and replace gaming with one of the many other activities you can take on.
Gaming a lot is a waste of time and results in a false sense of accomplishment, importance, and belonging.
You belong to the offline world, and deleting game apps is a powerful way to allow the offline world to embrace you and vice versa.
Scrolling through any news feed can make us feel down.
All those highlight reels make us compare our lows with everybody’s ups.
We are confronted with things and people that are currently lacking in our lives.
I’ve often said that experiencing such feelings is inevitable when scrolling is a habit.
Such feelings are reinforced when you are not taking any form of action to accomplish a specific objective in your life.
If you compare your entire life to their ups and you feel you are e.g. lacking those shoes, those happy feelings or a family, the question becomes: are you doing anything about it?
The more action you take to get out there and make your dreams and visions reality, the more you can use such posts as fuel for your focus and growth.
What happens is, that you convert any negative feelings you may have such as jealousy and envy, into inspiration.
Jealousy makes you feel like a victim. “Poor me, he or she is leading a fabulous life and I don’t. Why bother anyway.”
That’s how haters become haters….instead of dealing with such feelings, they decide to use all their energy to bring others down.
Not that you are a hater, but feeling envious of a person is not serving you at all.
This means you don’t wish the other person well. Like life is a zero-sum game.
They should lose and you should win.
That’s the wrong approach though, and feeling inspired makes you understand that.
When you are inspired, you feel joyful for that “happy” person.
You wish that person well and at the same time, you realize you too can do anything you set your mind to.
Inspiration creates empowering emotions: emotions of motivation, optimism, and willpower.
So when you see other people enjoying themselves (knowing of course that such posts don’t say anything about their real lives), and you’re reminded of a type of life you like to live, become inspired fast.
Meaning, end the scrolling and take some form of (small) action that makes your future self smile.
Do that, before any form of sadness or jealousy tries to occupy your mind.
We talk so much with our friends online.
Because of our smartphone we can communicate with our friends every single day, every single hour.
When people meet their friends in the real world, they sometimes wonder:
What can we talk about?
My friend is already updated about everything that happened in my life.
This could be a sign that you may have issues with expressing yourself in a transparent way.
In the offline world there are no screens that will protect you.
Every single facial expression will be witnessed by the person standing or sitting in front of you.
This can make people uncomfortable since we sadly communicate more through screens nowadays.
There is a reason why people are losing their social skills.
We don’t like to expose ourselves anymore.
We are cautious online and this is reflected in the offline world.
So if you’re worried that you don’t have anything to say to your friend in the offline world, here is a tip for you.
Don’t engage in an online conversation with your friend for a few days.
Before this pause, you and your friend agree to meet somewhere in the offline world for a coffee in 3 days time.
Then as an experiment, try both not to engage in a conversation via IM or at least keep the conversation to a minimum.
You want to ask your friend something online? Ask, receive the answer and disengage.
Establish your own rules in terms of what is allowed.
When you finally meet your friend in the offline world, you’re both going to be more excited.
You will have stories, ideas and opinions to share with one another that you normally share online.
What better way to connect with your amigo than somewhere cozy in the offline world?
It is there where true connections are made and strengthened.
Are you using Twitter? Follow me and remind yourself not to waste too much of your precious time on Twitter.
We bring our smartphones everywhere with us.
Our smartphones witness our every action, including anything secretive, intimate, and sacred.
A few decades ago the world looked very different.
We somehow managed to survive and stay in contact without the use of a technical device that is 24/7 in our pocket or at least a maximum of 1 meter away from us.
Now anywhere we go, we feel compelled to know what’s going on in the world and in everyone’s lives.
Not being in the loop for 5 minutes scares many phone users, but that’s exactly what you need to learn.
It is vital to experience you are okay without your device. You may feel naked but you are not.
So to start simple, leave your phone at home when you go outside for just a bit.
So when you walk the dog, leave the device at home.
When you go for a walk, leave the device at home.
When you go and collect a package, leave the device at home.
When you go to the supermarket, leave the device at home.
Those moments where you go outside for a maximum of one hour or two hours, leave your phone at home.
If that’s too challenging, try to go outside without your phone when you’ll be out and about for a maximum of 30 minutes.
Start small. Convince yourself that you can survive without your smartphone. You will be okay.
If you were speaking to someone, tell that person you have to go and that you speak to him or her later.
Learn to be with yourself. You may feel uncomfortable at first, but you have to go through that feeling in order to establish a healthy relationship with your smartphone.
All your ancestors did just fine without smartphones (you are the result of that), so why not you?
Smartphones exist since 2007. That’s 13 years ago.
That means that kids who were born with smartphones roaming around are at least 13 years old.
No wonder a lot of research needs to be conducted regarding the effects of excessive screen use.
For now, we will have to wait and see how screens affect our lives in 50 years.
Nevertheless, there is a lot of evidence already showing that excessive screen and social media use can cause detrimental effects on the mind and body.
Since the advent of the smartphone 13 years ago, it’s fascinating to see how society has changed so much.
We can’t be without are precious device anymore. We care a lot about what happens on that screen of our smartphone.
People lose themselves in it.
When for a moment you analyze the situation from a macro level, looking at the big picture of what’s going on, you do tend to think: how can this situation get any better?
Technology is here to stay and is not going anywhere. Tech will only become more pervasive and will integrate into our lives in ways we can’t even imagine.
So I personally wonder sometimes: will we be competent enough to use tech for good and with control?
If we already have problems with disconnecting from tech and smartphones….how do we think we can pull this off when tech is completely infused into our lives?
So if we don’t learn to disconnect now in order to reconnect with ourselves first before reconnecting to tech…how do we expect to learn or do this in 2030?
Smartphones and tablets are impressive, but I believe we haven’t seen anything yet.
Augmented Reality is going to mix the offline world with the online world.
AI is becoming much smarter and we will actually believe we are talking to a being with feelings.
Virtual Reality will become mainstream and will allow us to embody our online persona we now create on a screen.
Technology will be everywhere. In our clothes, appliances, accessories, toys…
Don’t get me wrong. Technology will provide a huge amount of opportunities, possibilities, and advantages.
But if we don’t watch out, we will outsource all our power and being to tech.
It can take over our lives and we can become completely dependent on tech…
Will we live to see revolutionary tech inventions? Yes we will.
Developments are in progress as we speak.
2030 will look a lot different than 2020 that’s for sure. So get ready.
Those days where you can walk outside and encounter 0 people who are looking at their phones are long gone.
In some settings it is shocking how many phone users are on their smartphones. Not that they are talking to someone on the phone, they just keep looking at that screen.
Sometimes you really wonder what it is that they are engaging with.
What is it that’s fascinating them so much?
You can even catch yourself sometimes being so engaged in content while having no idea what’s happening around you.
There could be an earthquake and you wouldn’t even notice immediately.
It’s sadly a common sight. Everyone is looking at their screens. It’s a social norm now.
This reminds me of smoking back in the 1950s. What you see in the series Mad Men for example.
Smoking was a social norm back them. A habit that your environment easily adopted.
I can imagine there was some form of peer pressure. To belong to the tribe, you should be smoking.
That still exists of course, especially among teens and tweens.
Nevertheless, I do believe that many people experienced some deep hidden thoughts saying: all this smoking surely can’t be good.
And yes, now in the year 2020 we are clearly aware of the dangers and has smoking evidently reduced significantly in comparison to 70 years ago.
It is my belief that we are now in the 1950s when it comes to screen use.
While with smoking we have long been aware of the dangers, I do think that screen addiction will take a completely different direction.
Screens and technology will only develop further. We have seen nothing yet when you imagine what’s to come….
So while we all become more aware of the detrimental effects, especially with all the upcoming research that will be conducted, it will get much more challenging to detach from screens and tech.
Technology will be everywhere. Wearable technology, AI, AR, VR….
So unlike smoking, we won’t be able to escape technology. It will be pervasive and all around us.
Plus the negative effects won’t stop where negative smoking effects end.
Excessive tech use will greatly impact our mental health, and the question really is whether we all be able to preserve our mind, spirit and soul.
Smoking addiction has never made us question that.
What are you focusing on 51% of the time?
This can be an uncomfortable question since we tend not to like the answer.
You might want to gain a lot out of life, but the focus is somewhere else.
People are smart. We often know better.
When we help our friends who are in need of assistance, we know what to say.
Giving advise is easy.
Implementing that advise in our own lives is a different story.
Although we are smart and know better, we don’t really do better.
There are multiple reasons for that, like the presence of distraction.
The brain (and the universe) are known for their potential power to help us lead extraordinary lives.
It just depends on us how we utilize both.
That our brains are adaptable is only a recent discovery (shockingly, but better late than never).
The general belief was that we are who we are. If we were wired in a specific way, then we simply had to accept that. Our destiny was basically determined.
Luckily the subject of neuroplasticity has become more popular in the last few decades, which means it is now common knowledge (hopefully) that the brain in fact adaptable.
Neural pathways can weaken where others can become stronger. You can unlearn and relearn.
The important question is, what neurons are firing? What kind of assignments do you give to your brain?
While the brain has immense power and can help you acquire fantastic skills, it won’t push you to do so.
In other words, it can’t tell you what is good for you or bad for you.
The brain and your mind simply obey your thoughts and actions.
So if you’re complaining a lot, then guess what…your brain is going to make you good at exactly that.
Are you constantly distracted? Well, your brain will form neural pathways that will facilitate you getting distracted.
The same applies to the Universe, higher power, the great something. Whatever you focus on, that’s what you will get more of.
That’s the danger. That’s why you can’t outsource your power to improve your self-actualization.
You have to start controlling your mind. Where focus goes, energy flows.
So become conscious of where your awareness is going.
Get good at something that is beneficial to you, that your future self will thank you for.
Don’t get good at being lazy, complaining, using your phone all the time, getting distracted etc.
Set boundaries. Learn to say no. Own your energy, time, and focus.
Teach your brain to facilitate learning by keep working at it.
As the saying goes, neurons that fire together wire together.
Don’t be mediocre in 10 things.
Be intentional with your priorities and excel in 1 or 2 things first.
Are you using Twitter? Follow me and remind yourself not to waste too much of your precious time on Twitter.
Do Not Disturb (DND) is a must feature every single person owning a smartphone should use.
This feature is imperative to a healthy relationship with your device, or at least the start of it.
Control your phone’s efforts to interrupt you.
Tell your phone when it should get some sleep as well.
When it’s time to focus, your phone can go to sleep.
When you go to bed to sleep, allow your phone to sleep as well.
So enable DND asap in the settings if this hasn’t happened yet.
Schedule Do Not Disturb.
Dim the Lock Screen.
Set Silence to Always.
Allow Calls From Favorites.
Have a small Favorites list containing only your nearest and dearest of course!
Decide whether you want to enable or disable repeated calls, depending on your situation.
Take this feature serious and train your smartphone to leave you in peace when necessary.
Own your focus, energy and time so both you and your phone can have some alone time.
We are constantly triggered to go for our phone.
Or we become internally triggered or externally triggered.
Internal triggers may be for example an emotion you experience or a thought that says: you should go for your phone because at this hour you normally chat on WhatsApp.
External triggers can be a vibration, a ping, your friend reaching for his device etc.
There are triggers everywhere! There is temptation everywhere that can result in wanting some stimulation, a dopamine hit.
It’s important to become mindful of those triggers but that’s for a different video and blog.
For now, I will suggest the following: create a counter trigger!
Multiple times I have spoken about setting up conscious triggers that remind you to question your action you’re about to do (grabbing your phone).
Today’s counter trigger is one of them!
Are you’re triggered to go for your phone? Subconsciously even? Then let a counter trigger change your mind.
Or not so much to change your mind every single time since you can still grab your device.
But at least you will consciouslygrab it while knowing what the reason behind the action is.
After all, it’s fine to go for your phone, as long as you are fully okay with that.
Listen to the audio and let me know if you’re up for the challenge!
There is so much content uploaded every single second.
It becomes harder to stand out because there is just so much content out there.
Content that screams “watch me”, “read me”, “share me”, “comment about me”.
More creativity is demanded to stand out, and one way to achieve quick fame people noticed, is to take extreme photos, videos or selfies.
Some people are willing to put themselves in dangerous situations for that perfect selfie.
Sadly, some actually die while trying to make such a selfie.
One of the activities people take on to claim their fame, is train surfing.
When you train surf, you ride on the outside of a moving train, tram or another rail transport.
No explanation needed why this is dangerous.
Or what about rooftopping? People hang off the edge of some of the world’s highest skyscraper, a super tall building or crane for example to take that jaw-dropping selfie.
Again, people have died while doing exactly that. Not a surprise there if you really think about it.
People who take on such extremely dangerous stunts hope to achieve viral fame with their photos.
They hope to stand out. They hope they get noticed.
Is it really worth it though?
Needless to say that you shouldn’t bet your life for a photo.
So if you have any aspirations to achieve fame by taking on these very acts, please revise your options.
Because of power cords and chargers, we don’t need to become anxious when the batteries of our devices run out. We can charge our devices constantly most of the time.
Fair enough, when you’re outdoors and your phone has 10% battery left, you might experience a dose of nomophobia (no mobile phone phobia).
Nowadays people tend to have their charger with them to prevent this terrible nomophobia feeling.
That feeling of being without your smartphone or being with your smartphone that can’t be turned on, is perceived scarier than anyone’s worst nightmare.
If your smartphone has around 20% battery left or less at 4PM, then today’s strategy might be for you.
This strategy involves leaving your charger at home….
This same strategy applies to your laptop. It’s easy to get distracted on your laptop and go through your browser tabs while your laptop is charging.
So what if it isn’t…?
Listen to the audio and let me know if this is a strategy you are willing to try.
Why do we often feel sad, frustrated, angry and disappointed when we scroll through the news feed?
It’s because we automatically compare our lives to our friend’s lives.
With the knowledge that we only witness the highlights of someone else’s life, it is clear why this formula causes anything but uplifting emotions.
We see emotions and experiences our online “friends” are having, while we simultaneously think we are not.
Or we think that they at least have better experiences and emotions than we do.
In other words, we are reminded of our lack. The things we don’t have in our lives.
Ironically enough, you might very well experience better emotions than that person, but you simply don’t post about it as much.
So we think we are lacking because someone shows off “their more” a lot, while in reality, this “gap” between what we have and what we think we don’t have is merely an illusion.
Ask yourself…does it look good if someone posts constantly about their relationships and life?
The more someone posts, the more you should question the content the person is posting.
In my eyes it’s a bad sign because when you are truly happy in your life and in your relationship, you don’t have the time to be constantly posting. You would not think about it.
Also, often you don’t know the people very well you compare yourself to.
You see their “shiny polished lives” but not their reality of their lives.
People have hard lives, even people who look fortunate have hard lives.
The ideal that you’re observing that makes you jealous and resentful, is often an illusion that is created by your own mind.
Understand that you’re different from everyone else.
Don’t compare yourself to them because they are not like you. They don’t have your family, your personality, challenges, experiences and abilities.
The only person that has those is you. That is why you want to compare yourself to who you were yesterday, and not to who someone else is today.
Comparing yourself to your yesterday’s self is a game you can win. You can be a little bit better today than you were yesterday.
Even when you see people who already have a relationship, business or that dream house, don’t compare your step 4 with someone else’s step 30. This is useless.
Keep focusing on your own game, and remember what you have achieved so far.
Visualize and go after that thing you want in life, but don’t focus constantly on the lack.
Focus on what you have and what you want to accomplish.
So stay away from the news feed, and get a little bit better tomorrow than you are today.
Social media can be used for good. I use social media to remind people not to use social media so much.
Social media is used as a vehicle to spread my message, to reach a larger audience.
Do I use social media as a journal where I present my day to day activities to my followers? No.
Even if I wanted to, there is no time. There are too many other priorities I need to attend to.
My priorities connect with my values, what I stand for, how I perceive my life and how I want my life to look like.
Social media is used, instead of it using me. It isn’t distracting me from the activities I need to act on, it is doing the opposite: it enhances my life because of the way I use it.
If you have a business, mission, brand, or calling that the world should know about, you can use social media.
Not that you have to, but if used cautiously social media can be used as leverage.
In the words of Marie Forleo: The world needs that special gift that only you have
Do you have a message that will impact people’s lives in a positive way? Do you want to share your experiences and how you’ve dealt with hardships with people who are currently in that situation you were in?
Share your message, do the world a service and present yourself and your mission. It’s a form of self-expression.
If you’re an avid social media user who does post about food, nightlife escapades, and online purchases, why not convert the type of posts in something more meaningful?
Social media can be powerful, but only when used mindfully and wisely.
The internet allows anyone to share their opinion. Any voice can be heard in the digital world.
On social media alone you can check your news feed to encounter any beliefs, opinions and ideas from the people you follow.
It is fascinating to see how people can really lash out sometimes. People become easily offended and emotional.
They may say things they would never say in the offline world because it is easier not to hold back online.
You’re protected by a screen, a sense of security and anonymity.
When you experience stress, anger or frustration in your life, you can easily vent online as a “solution”.
Nevertheless, you don’t want to waste your time arguing with other people.
Don’t engage in arguments and don’t try to change someone else’s opinion about something.
You don’t want to think you’re always right.
Prevent yourself from judging someone else so quickly.
We all have our own unique experiences, backgrounds, personalities, and preferences.
To try to make the world think the way you do is a pointless endeavor.
Why would you feel angry because of a comment someone posted about something?
Why would you care?
Somehow people quickly decide to feel offended because of what someone else has said or posted.
Firstly, you may want to understand the person better before you lash out.
If you think the comment is shocking, strange, against your own beliefs, BUT you really want to know more about it, start by asking questions.
What makes the person believe that? Show some empathy. Not everyone is leading the exact same life as you are. Show some patience and be open to understanding different viewpoints.
Secondly, when it really doesn’t make sense what the person said, why changing your mood because of it?
Don’t let it attack you. Don’t let it affect your day. You will always hear or see something you disagree with. That is life. Everyone has their own inner stance.
If you allow such external factors to bother you and push you away from your focus while letting rage kicking in your body….well….you are basically outsourcing your day to day happiness.
That’s why you want to keep yourself out of arguments.
A: you don’t know everything and B: even when you think the person is wrong: who cares?
It is up to you to decide whether you take it personally when someone posts 2+2 = 43, or that you simply move on with your life (and stop the scrolling through the news feed of course!)
Watching movies is a relaxing activity which involves a screen. There’s nothing wrong with that.
One of the activities you can take on (especially with the pandemic still going on), is collective screen time.
By collective screen time, I don’t mean mindless screen time. I mean you plan screen time together with your family or friends.
In such moments, you stop using your individual devices. No mobile phones, no handhelds, no tablets, no consoles etc.
You all engage in that one activity like watching a movie.
Whether you watch with a group or alone, I suggest doing a bit of research.
Oftentimes we choose what is easiest. That apparent option.
But to increase your chances of a successful experience, why not do a bit of movie research?
I don’t watch a lot of movies anymore, only on Saturdays and Sundays sometimes.
So when I do decide to watch a movie, I want to make it worth my while. I want to make the best out of that moment.
There are many great movies and many not so great movies, which may become great depending on which mood I’m in!
So what I do, is I use the IMDB website, and use the advanced search.
There I search for movies that have e.g. at least a 7.8 rating, with 50K votes and are from 2000-2020.
Then I check where the movie is available. There is also a top 250 best movies ever list you can check.
You can for example also do some research about available Netflix movies and see which ones really fit you.
This advise doesn’t only apply to movies but also to books and board games for example.
Make sure you use your time wisely and mindfully, even when you engage in entertainment.
Be a bit curious. Don’t just pick any random option. Get excited and dig a bit deeper.
Be like this not with entertainment only, but make this the default mindset of how you look at life.
Appreciate the moments you have with yourself and with others, and live life proactively and not passively all the time.
In a world where phones were mostly used for calling, texting was not a common habit.
When mobile phones started to become mainstream in the late 90s, we mostly used our cell phones and flip phones (which were huge!) for calling purposes.
Once in a while we were sending a text message called SMS (short message service), or we were playing this challenging game called Snake.
Snake was great fun, but just for a little while. Snake was not a game you play for 2 hours straight.
In those early days when you receive multiple text messages, you would ask yourself: why is this person not calling me? Why sending me all these text messages?
Fast forward to the year 2020…and it is obvious that the opposite has happened.
Now when someone calls you, you ask yourself: why is this person not texting? Why making the situation so complicated by calling me?
We become anxious when a call comes in.
You are now being put on the spot, you have to sound excited now, you have to listen, respond, show interest, ask questions etc.
There is no room anymore to think about what to say or how to say it! It’s all live!
We are so comfortable in our space where we engage in mediated communication, that we don’t really feel secure about speaking to a person live.
Nowadays we constantly multitask. We are on our phone, we listen to music, we are watching a movie, we’re going through this non-stop cycle of apps, we do the dishes, we eat etc.
So when someone calls, you suddenly have to pay attention to that person.
Often times you don’t want to look like you’re busy so you feel forced to stop any activity you’re doing and pay 100% attention to that person.
This is not something we are used to lately. Also, we don’t know when the conversation will end.
We don’t know what the person wants to discuss, or for how long.
We can’t continue to do our own thing and don’t know when we can.
We feel interrupted. This is the reason why you probably don’t call a person quickly either.
You think you will invade the person’s privacy. You think the person will become anxious, or doesn’t want to talk at all.
There are people who don’t answer when someone calls. We have all been there. Me too.
You just think: not now sorry. We can text sure, but no 15-30 minutes conversation please.
Now I do tend to appreciate phone calls a lot more.
It is much better to convey your message with your voice. Duh right.
But to actually call someone or to pick up the phone and saying you appreciate the person calling you, that should happen more often.
So engage with the person when someone is reaching out. When you are exchanging messages for more than 10 minutes, just call the person.
When you do speak with someone over the phone, make sure you’re not still multitasking.
I occasionally caught myself opening and using apps while listening to someone, I then noticed that the quality of my listening drastically diminishes.
The person can even hear I’m just not 100% there. That’s not the message you want to bring across.
Be there for the person, listen to the person, engage with the person, talk about yourself and just let the conversation flow.
Another bonus: you probably saved yourself some time as well. You wouldn’t need to exchange messages for the next 3 hours anymore.
Your conversation was concluded (at least for now).
We are so used to sending text messages, whether that happens via social media apps or IM apps.
We are excellent in writing words and sentences with the help of the touchscreen.
This is one of the reasons we are often hunched over staring at our small rectangular object.
A strategy I use to stare less at my screen, is to use the audio feature.
IM apps like WhatsApp, Viber and Facebook Messenger all have this audio option available.
There are a few advantages to using this feature.
Firstly, you use your voice to convey a message. You will be able to express yourself properly.
Your voice will contain all the necessary emotions. No need for emojis.
Secondly, it’s more personal. You’ve invested time in creating this audio which takes courage, time and effort.
Thirdly, you don’t need to stare at your screen when you’re speaking. You can look around you and speak.
Lastly, you can oftentimes lock the audio function, meaning you don’t need to keep pressing the function with your thumb or finger anymore to have it activated.
You can just lock the feature when it’s enabled so you can speak in peace.
So what are you waiting for? Make your messages more personal.
Make one effective message which will save minutes of texting and texting and texting….
A bonus advantage: you don’t need to hunch over anymore!
Tech can be used for good and for bad. Social media can be used for good and for bad.
Social media is not evil, you just want to remember that those platforms want your eyeballs on them as much as possible.
Money is not evil, it’s people who can use money in ethical ways or unethical ways.
The same applies to a knife. You can kill someone with it, or you can use it to cook a delicious dish.
At the end of the day, these are all tools. It’s up to us human beings to decide how we use these tools.
Don’t blame the tool, blame the human being.
Of course, you can question in what way a tool should be improved which will prevent more people from using the tool in unethical ways.
Take the internet for example. There is a level of anonymity and security to be felt when exploring the digital world. This can result in people projecting any dark sides they may have.
So while tools are not perfect and can be misused, doesn’t mean there are no existing benefits that can enhance our lives.
We can understand and make use of the benefits while remaining vigilant about the dangers and cons.
When you have the tech talk with your child for example, you want to discuss both the good and the bad.
There is little point to just be negative about the digital world since it is part of our lives. Part of society.
It doesn’t occupy a smart part though, but a huge one.
We are never going back to a world without the internet.
One day, the internet will be older than any person alive. When that happens, the human race will undoubtedly be surrounded by AI, VR (Virtual Reality), AR (Augmented Reality) and the digital world.
That’s why it’s good to introduce strategies now that enable us to preserve our mind and spirit.
Understand the tool and let it magnify your good intentions. If not, the tool can use you and make your life much harder…
Online we encounter loads of people.
Just scroll through a news feed of any of your social media accounts and you see loads of updates from the people you befriend and follow.
There is a load of data that we take in. Think about it…
When you count all the tweets, posts, videos, images that we consume on a daily basis….it’s a lot.
One of the reasons why we focus on our online persona so much, is because more people “encounter” the online version of ourselves more than our offline version.
In the real world we may go shopping, run some errands, go to the supermarket, but we don’t engage often with people. We just do our thing and go home.
Online we work harder on being seen, for others to pay attention to us, for others to admire and validate us.
The danger is that the more you absorb things people say about you plus the things they say in general online, (because you want to stay in the loop and compare their lives with yours), the more you shut down your own inner voice.
There is so much chatter going on online, it’s exhausting to keep up.
Keeping up can result in a stressful feeling, a feeling of constant preoccupation.
The more you continue to pay attention to that chatter, the more you allow that chatter to enter your mind, the more you silence your inner voice.
With the advent of the smartphone, we can occupy our minds with non-stop ongoing chatter. Not just from social media, but also from emails, the news, blogs etc.
Unfortunately we often take that chatter more seriously. Often times, we purposely take in that online chatter BECAUSE we want to silence our inner voice.
That inner voice speaks the truth. Whether we like it or not. So the more we want to escape that truth, the more we want to fill up our heads with distraction, whether that is a movie, games or social media.
Don’t silence your inner voice. Have your moments of solitude. Enjoy your own company. It’s there where peace, reflection, centeredness, clarity and “course correction” can be achieved and found.
Have moments where your smartphone is not with you so you can have some my myself and I time.
Then you won’t get distracted by other people’s voices plus you won’t feel the temptation to grab your phone so easily just because you’re programmed to do so.
Guard your mind.
Understand that a lot of that online chatter is not even serving you. There is not much value to be found.
Be mindful of the information you allow in your mind and do prioritize your inner voice.
When you aspire to lead a life where you feel truly happy, fulfilled, yourself and loved, listening to your inner voice is a must.
Apps love to use your device to distract you.
Notifications will keep coming in when you don’t disable them.
What does your device fundamentally need in order to distract you anyway?
Yes, a connection to the digital world, to the network.
So instead of disabling Wi-Fi for example, why not do something with your mobile data?
You can actually “enable” airplane mode on your phone by simply disabling mobile data.
Not that you have to disable mobile data entirely, but for specific apps only,
When you disable mobile data for a specific app, that app can’t connect to the network.
So as a result….it can’t distract you.
The only way apps can shout at you is when there is a connection.
So instead of me being all rigorous and telling you to disable the Wi-Fi as well, disabling mobile data will suffice.
Choose 1 or 2 of your favorite apps to start with, and disable their mobile data.
Now you will need a Wi-Fi connection to use those particular apps.
Of course you want to be careful! Wi-Fi networks are often not secure! (more reason not to use your apps)
But try this tactic and see if you’re strong enough to resist the urge to enable their mobile data again.
Watch the video to find out how to disable mobile data for each app.
It’s hard to quit something you love just like that.
Cold turkey style is not always effective but it can be.
Removing social media apps and never use them again has worked for some.
For others, the apps are quickly reinstalled a few hours later.
If you find it hard to stop using social media platforms, start by reducing your use.
Check how many times you open an app or check your daily average.
Then start to mindfully reduce your use by 50%
This can already be daunting for some.
Then at lease try to lower your daily average, and the amount you use the platform.
It’s all about small steps.
If you can consistently use an app / social media platform less than the original average and amount, you can start reducing your usage even more.
Till you’re actually satisfied with your social media use.
It’s okay to use social media, as long as you’re happy with the way you use it and for how long.
We have 24 hours a day. All of us. You can be rich or poor, living in the US or in India, doesn’t matter.
Time is reducing every second. Just now, another second was spent, and on it goes.
Life is like an hourglass. Slowly but surely time is running out.
A fact of life is that we don’t know when our time runs out.
You expect you will have 40 years left to spend on earth, but you may end up with 10 years only.
You may expect to live for 15 more years only, but you end up spending 30 years.
(Taking Olivia de Havilland as an example, the last surviving actress from Hollywood’s’ Golden Age who died recently at the age of 104!)
You simply don’t know.
Now, the question is how do you spend your time?
When you don’t make any proper plans on how to spend your time, you will do what is easy.
You will use your phone. A lot.
Therefore you want to have a purpose. a sense of direction. A destination.
When you have that, you’ll be able to prioritize. You will know what needs to be accomplished.
With this information, you will know exactly where to place your attention. Your energy.
You know now what you need to focus on. This prevents you from choosing the easy activities.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you will never use your smartphone anymore or that you suddenly have your screen time in control.
But….now you can work on improving your focus on that thing, on those actions you have prioritized.
Priorities which are connected to your purpose, a destination.
It’s not about becoming less distracted. It’s about having something to willingly and joyfully focus on.
Find that thing, and you will notice that improving your relationship with social media and your smartphone will become much easier.
I’ve said (wrote) it often and will say (write) it again: reducing your screen time is not just about learning how to disable notifications.
There needs to be a deep desire to reduce your screen time.
A specific reason that pulls you away from your phone.
Not just an action or activity, but a deep reason that is connected to your values.
A deep awareness is required to energize yourself to say no to your phone.
A deep respect and awe of life will make it much easier to not touch your phone.
That realization that this one life that you’re living is not a rehearsal.
This it it.
These are all the cards that we have been dealt with.
There is no second chance to start life from scratch in terms of age.
You don’t want to roam around like you’re an accident.
Like you say to the fact that you are on this earth: it is what it is. It’s nothing special.
“I just go with the flow of life”. “I just zombie my way in life.” “I just have to endure life”
With these beliefs you will only reinforce your attachment to your phone and social media.
But in that case, it’s not just your relationship with your phone or social media you have to worry about.
There is a lot more going on in your mind that needs to get sorted.
The more appreciation you feel for your life, yourself and the people around you, the stronger you become in BOTH setting and abiding by controlled screen time and screen rules.
Take ownership of your life. Make it worth wile. Make it meaningful.
That alone will basically put a stop on excessive phone and social media use.
Maybe a tweak or two is needed, but that’s all.
There’s just no universe you will lose yourself in the virtual world with such a powerful mindset and personality.
Google is our friend. This statement can be debated.
It certainly contains loads of information ready to be presented based on your chosen keywords.
Google is good at displaying relevant content matching our keywords.
There is this complex algorithm working in the background that tries to ensure quality truthful content when you look for it.
And yes, often times we never have to go to the 2nd search page. The websites high up in the SERPs (search engine ranking pages) normally provide all we need to know.
The system is not perfect though.
In cases of cyberchondria, the websites high up in the SERPS can actually be very troubling.
Cyberchondria is the digital equivalent of hypochondria – a condition in which a person is excessively and unduly worried about having a serious illness.
The internet is full of horror stories. Stories of how a headache has transformed into a severe illness.
While this may have happened, doesn’t mean this happens constantly.
The issue with searching for explanations when feeling a specific pain, is that a small percentage of people who actually have experienced a serious escalation originated from that pain, can dominate a particular blog or website.
So when you search online for any meaning and causes behind symptoms, be triple mindful that you may very well encounter such horror stories.
Please do remember that such stories are more the exception than the norm!
Another aspect you want to remember, is that such horror stories are often clicked on because we are shocked and want to know more.
This means Google can make those websites appear higher in the SERPs.
So be aware that you don’t play doctor yourself, and be careful by not going to the doctor while fixating on this idea that you have a specific disease.
The internet can convince you quickly that you have this serious disease based on any minor common ailment you may feel.
This causes anxiety and can only make the situation worse.
So stay vigilant and learn to take the content with a grain of salt when required.
Phone addiction, social media addiction, screen addiction, tech addiction, compulsive behavior, screenager, smombie, nomophobia
There are many names out there that describe excessive phone use which is impacting one’s life in detrimental ways.
People sometimes ask: when do I use smartphones and social media too much?
In the video I present you with 10 questions you want to ask yourself to find out. The more you answer yes to the questions, the more chained you are to your smartphone.
Nevertheless, the word addiction shouldn’t be focused on too much since this may give a sense of powerlessness.
The question really is: do you feel aggravated, sad and frustrated after using screens and is this feeling constant or getting worse?
Or equally important: are you neglecting your life for the virtual world? Does your behavior start to negatively influence your life?
If yes, then that’s enough to take your battle with phones and social media seriously.
Those are clear signs that you should work on your relationship with your smartphone.
Not that you want to focus on abstinence, but on moderation, control and boundaries instead.
For some people who answer yes to only a few questions, probably just a few tweaks are needed to set them back on course in their lives.
Others who clearly answer yes to every question, will have to do much more introspection and are in more need of guidance.
Watch the video and be honest with answering all 10 questions plus bonus questions.
Self-awareness is always the first step to change and improvement.
We are fast with installing new apps.
We hear about this new flashy app that our peers use and of course we got to check it out.
“If many people are using it, then there must be multiple benefits that app has to offer me as well!”
While we can quickly experience any advantages such as making funny photos and engaging with our friend’s content, you do want to ask yourself this vital question:
What exactly are the cons of using this app?
We all have 24 hours a day. In a positive scenario, we are intentional with our time and use time wisely.
Realistically, we are rarely so thoughtful about our time.
It is easy to add stuff to our “plate” of life. We add stuff, and then add more stuff, and then more stuff etc.
What is important to keep in mind though, is that when we keep putting “stuff” on our plate, some stuff will be pushed away from the plate.
Often times, the stuff that is pushed away is exactly that stuff that is important in our lives.
You want to be mindful about this plate, if not you find your energy and attention scattered all over the place.
That creates a tiring and overwhelming feeling as you probably have experienced.
So before you decide that a particular app is worthy of your time, ask yourself if maybe the disadvantages outweigh the advantage(s).
If you do decide to install an app, remove an app that is already installed. Quid pro quo.
Don’t give your smartphone more reasons to disturb you.
Allocate a set period of time where you are allowed to engage with your phone.
The more apps you have installed, the more stressful this process becomes.
So for each app that you want to install (and for each installed app for that matter), do weigh the pros and cons.
Your time deserves that.
Push notifications like to surprise you.
They can appear in 5 minutes, 15 minutes or half hour. You don’t know.
That excitement, that feeling somehow can feel like “fun”. After all, it is a surprise.
That notification can be anything or from anybody!
Many of those notifications though are not important.
It’s nice that someone sends you a message, but is it so important to know at that very moment?
Probably not.
Imagine enjoying yourself for one hour where you’re watching a movie or are chilling with a friend.
Now if you have those notifications turned on and 7 notifications arrived in that hour, that means your phone successfully demanded your attention 7 times.
So 7 times you were disrupted in your movie experience and connection opportunity with your friend.
Imagine that your notifications were turned off. After the hour you decide there is a good opportunity to check your phone. You then see immediately all those 7 notifications.
So what’s the difference? Your phone didn’t distract you 7 times in that hour. You were in full control of your consciousness and awareness. You were able to focus and immerse yourself in the experience.
Reduce the amount of phone grabbing, and one super effective way is to simply disable as many push notifications as possible.
Also, when you disable the notifications you don’t anticipate that next notification.
It is not going to distract you subconsciously, thinking when o when can I distract myself again!
Listen to the podcast where I compare push notifications with the infamous slot machines.
Then go to the settings of your phone and disable the notifications once and for all.
We don’t really think twice before installing an app.
When one of our peers suggests a particular app, we don’t hesitate to install it.
Fair play though, it’s super easy so there is really no friction whatsoever. It’s fast too.
One fact that we don’t want to forget is, that every app has some form of access to our smartphone.
An app can have access to the smartphone’s camera, location, microphone, your photos, contacts and more.
Now, the question is, is all that access really necessary? Not always.
This is a privacy issue you really want to address.
So when you have installed an app, go to your settings to disable any unnecessary access.
If you use an iPhone, go to settings. Then you scroll down and you will see the complete list of apps that are installed. Tap on the apps one by one to disable any access you don’t see fit.
You can also go to settings –> privacy and tap on any phone feature to see which apps have access to that feature.
if you use an Android device, you should see these options in settings –> privacy –> permission manager. Here you can tap on any phone feature to check which apps have access to that.
Apps loooove to access your phone. So keep that in mind every time you install a new app!
It’s fascinating how our smartphones can program us.
Many times when we use our phones, are we really “there”?
Do we know what we’re doing? Are we actually aware of every action we take on that screen?
When I speak for myself, I can say I wasn’t.
I want to look what time it is, but somehow after 5 minutes I put back my phone and still don’t know what time it is…
In such situations when I grab my smartphone, my mind is excited about all the possible updates that may await me now that I’ve grabbed my phone!
So while I may have seen the time, my mind was already brainstorming about which app I should open first.
And there goes the infinite loop! The infinite cycle of going through all the important apps one by one.
Like a smombie (smartphone zombie) I followed this pattern and opened apps in a “programmed” order.
Okay yes, sometimes I open Instagram first and then Twitter, but usually it’s the other way around.
The funny thing was, that I already went through this cycle 5 minutes earlier.
So basically when any opportunity arose that made me go for my phone, the cycle got triggered and there I went, opening popular apps one by one.
While that alone is fascinating since I wasn’t conscious about going through that cycle, there is something even more fascinating.
Sometimes, I actually started over the cycle right after I just finished one cycle!
It went like this: WhatsApp – Twitter – Instagram – Facebook – Gmail – WhatsApp – Twitter.etc.
Like, “there must be an important update now which I somehow have missed 14 seconds ago.”
I still catch myself sometimes wanting to do that, or wanting to start a second cycle, but the more you train yourself to catch yourself in the act, the faster you can decide NOT re-initiate that cycle.
No, you simply decide to lock your phone again.
When you do that though, don’t forget your initial reason for grabbing your phone!
Do check the time before you realise that’s the only thing you didn’t do or didn’t do consciously in those 10 minutes of phone use!
When you want to use your phone for a specific purpose, it’s hard to use your phone for just that one single purpose.
Probably you go through this whole cycle of opening apps before locking your phone again.
It wasn’t your intention of course. But you do it because well, you’re on your phone anyway so you might as well check any apps for any notifications! Doesn’t matter that this was done 10 minutes ago!
So you want to eliminate certain distractions to prevent such situations from happening.
When you go to search for example on an iPhone, there are distractions visible.
It’s an opportunity for your phone to guess your search query before you have the chance to enter it.
Check out the video and disable this simple feature in order to search in peace.
There are many more features you want to disable, but those are for future blogs and videos.
Because of the internet we can present ourselves in a way that was never possible before.
There was nowhere to hide before the advent of the internet.
We only had our real selves, our offline selves.
We shopped around real people.
We congregated in parks and shopping malls around real people.
We were intimate with real people.
Nowadays there is a screen between us and others for many activities.
The more we use the internet and social media, the more we leave a digital footprint behind.
The more present we are online, the more we are establishing this online persona.
An online version of you that often times is an “enhanced self” when you compare it to your offline self.
Now we have this unique task of taking care of two “selfs”: the real offline self and the online self.
Ask yourself: which one do you prioritize?
Are you showing off online while in reality you’re not feeling, being and behaving that way?
Just because on any given day more people may see your online self than people see your real self, doesn’t mean you should invest more time, energy and effort in improving that online self.
Improving your online self is easy. Writing any claims about yourself is easy. Modifying photos to make you look better is easy. Boasting is easy. Pretending to be busy is easy.
Improving your offline self…now there is a challenge. Eventually you can’t hide from your offline self.
Making your claims reality is harder. Going to the gym and looking the way you want to look is harder. Being confident is harder. Being productive is harder.
While all the above may be harder, when you do achieve those objectives….now that’s a level of satisfaction and happiness you will experience that can’t be described in words.
As the quote goes: “If you are willing to do only what’s easy, life will be hard. But if you are willing to do what’s hard, life will be easy.”
Prioritize your real self. When you do that, you don’t need to spend so much time on your online persona because well…you’re already that person you want to display. You can just be yourself.
Your thoughts and ideas are aligned with your actions. The online version is aligned with the real version of you. The only “you” there is.
Your iPhone loves to introduce ideas to you.
“Why don’t you check Twitter again to see if you have new followers? ”
“why don’t you check Whatsapp since who knows, maybe that cute boy/girl thought about you”
“why don’t you check Ebay to see if someone sells that action figure from the Turtles that is missing since 1993”
Your iPhone loves to bombard you with ideas, and although that is very noble of your device, it’s often not serving you.
Therefore you want to implement tricks to eliminate your phone from distraction you.
For your iPhone users out there, let’s take the Today View.
The Today View contains multiple widgets which may be helpful or distracting.
There is a widget that is probably visible in the Today View that you really want to disable.
Check which ones you may want to add, and which ones you want to remove.
Some avid social media users are active users or passive users.
Some are just "spying" on other people's lives by looking people up or allowing the news feed to present a summary of the latest activities.
Others are active by posting occasionally or a lot.
The ones who post multiple times a day feel this necessity to share there day to day activities, funny memes and opinions with others.
This blog is about the latter, the people who can't leave the experience for what it is but have to give it a second life online.
I'm not talking about the people who are active for branding purposes for example, just people who post about private day to day moments.
Try this simple tip: post just once a day. Just once.
This forces you to think carefully about which meme/event/happening/experience is best to post about.
Maybe you will combine all your posting ideas of that day into one posting?
Learn to think critically about what content you are making known to your friends/world.
Is it important? Do people really care? Do you care other people know about it? Do you feel the experience is complete only when you posted about it? Are you okay with this feeling?
This will help you to control the compulsive urge, this automatic behavior of sharing constantly.
Hopefully this will also help to use your social media accounts less.
Remember that you don't need to prove others that you have a life.
Just because the possibility is there to post on Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok and Snapchat, doesn't mean you have to.
The CEO's of all those companies are super pleased with your behavior no doubt about that, but question if there is any serious upside for you specifically.
The internet is the wild west. Anything goes online.
Leaving your child alone on the internet without any guidance and education, is like leaving your child in London, Tokyo or New York and leave him or her wander alone.
The internet is like a car with the keys in the ignition. If you use the internet, you better understand how to operate the “car”.
We are disinhibited online. There is a sense of anonymity, illusion of safety and perceived lack of authority. We are poor in assessing risk, act impulsively and sometimes disregard social conventions.
We are not even physically “there” in the virtual world. The internet isn’t a physical place with tangible dangers. Being protected by our screens make the whole act of engaging with the virtual world an “innocent”, “carefree” activity.
Anyone can create a website and publish it. Anyone can say and be whatever they want. Anyone can contribute to the internet, whether that’s for the good or the bad.
You think you have unique interests and passions? Maybe 30 years ago when you surrounded yourself with 10 people a day.
Now with the internet…..there is always someone who shares that crazy fantasy with you.
Instead of having such fleeting fantasies, they can now become real because it can be constantly shared and discussed. Not with just one person, but with many others.
Take e.g. the Slender Man stabbing case. This is an extreme example, but it happened.
Kids and teens are curious. When you say not to do something, it’s likely that they will.
The virtual world knows no boundaries. It literally takes a few clicks and search terms to enter a whole new “disturbing” world.
Aside this one danger, what about:
- Cyberbullying
- Predators
- Cybercrimes
- Online grooming
- Hate speech
- Sexting
- Sextortion
- Revenge porn
- Self-harm
- Online harassment
- Slut-shaming
- Flaming
- Trolling
- Fraping
- Cyberstalking
- Cyber-flashing
- Radicalization
- Pornography
- Sadfishing
- Catfishing
- Privacy and identity theft
- Viruses
- Worms
- Malware
- Ransomware
- Spyware
- Phishing
- Malicious websites
- Fraud
- Scams
- Troll farms
- Juice-jacking
They will all be discussed one by one in future videos and blogs.
There is a lot that is going online.
Educate yourself so in case you have children, you can pass on all that knowledge by having regular tech talks while being a good role model.
The virtual world is a quick world with rapid developments. This alone is enough reason to have the tech talk weekly for example and not just once.
Don’t forget to mention the positive aspects though. Don’t define the internet as something evil.
Show that you understand the internet offers loads of advantages as well.
The internet can be considered as money and a knife. We people choose to use it for good or bad.
Be aware of both sides.
On the internet we (think) we are anonymous. The virtual world is not reality.
There are no laws online. You can do anything you want and be anything you want.
Although the internet is very appealing and is essentially the wild west, it is not going to forget.
The internet will remember what you have posted. Not just last week. No, even 15 years ago.
We like to experiment online. Especially when we are young it is easy to use the medium compulsively.
The hard truth tough is, that your content will stay on the internet forever.
You can delete posts you are not proud of, but others could have already shared it with others.
When we are young we don’t really think of our future selves. We think we live 500 years.
When we use social media, we just don’t think about any possible future repercussions.
You don’t think “how will the post affect me in the long run”.
Nevertheless….remember that you do leave a digital footprint in the virtual world.
Anyone can do research about you. Organisations and companies as well.
So be mindful about your online behavior. What does online presence say about you? What will people say about you when they see your (online) activities displayed online?
Be careful now, don’t think you have to work on your online persona that shows the opposite of who you are.
That online persona is all about “me, me, look at me”. However, it’s not about impressing others.
It’s about being authentic and being comfortable with yourself.
When you do post, make it about a cause, interest and passion you have. Make it about assisting someone else. Something that benefits others.
And if you don’t use social media? That’s completely fine as well. It just shows you value your time and prefer to spend it on other activities that matter to you more.
Remember that without social media you still create a digital footprint because using the internet is inevitable. There is some website out there that shows your engagement and presence.
Try googling yourself, what links and images appear in the search results?
Not only adults complain about their children being on their smartphones so much.
More children are complaining about the fact their parents are constantly on their devices as well.
Many moments where children expect their parents’ attention are disrupted because of the smartphone.
“daddy daddy look what I’ve made!”
Sadly, the smartphone is often more important in such moments.
Parents do regret missing those opportunities to connect with their child, to acknowledge their child for his or her efforts.
When our children have the feeling they are competing with their digital sibling the smartphone, you can assume that they will put these devices on a pedestal.
“mommy and daddy are using that thing constantly, it must be super important and integral to one’s life.”
Even when parents have a solid reason to be on their smartphone or laptop, be very mindful when your child is watching.
If your child is older, explain what you are doing and why it’s important now.
If you don’t explain why you use your smartphone, children will make up reasons of their own.
They will come up with their own reasons why they are not important and the device is.
The bad news is that those reasons won’t be positive.
Kids can’t properly see the situation from different perspectives yet, they think the world revolves around them.
So anything you do, the child can quickly believe that he or she may be lacking something that prevents them from getting that attention.
You don’t want that to happen.
Show your children that your phone is a tool, and that we use it.
Not the other way around.
You have good family values. Don’t allow your phone to make you forget about those values.
Invest in sharing your values. Empower your child.
Being a role model is super important.
Children are watching us. They see how tech is affecting us. How we are so immersed in our screens.
How we have fun with screens and not with our children. How we become angry which we may project onto our children.
Be super careful and mindful with your screen use around children.
Start early so you prevent a lot of trouble in the long run.
It’s better to prevent serious problems than having to deal with them when they already exist.
You hear about digital detoxes all the time.
More retreats become popular that promote screen-free time to connect with thyself.
In a different environment a digital detox may be easier, especially when you’re in vacation mode.
When you’re in the midst of your own routines and habits that involve social media and your smartphone, it’s harder to introduce a digital detox.
You can use the 111 method to test if you’re able to stay away from screens for a specific period of time.
This method consists of 3 moments where you don’t use your smartphone or/and any other screens you may want to include in that no-tech period.
Check out the video and let me know if this is a method you like to use.
When it comes to what you want to do, you must think clearly.
If you want to invest time and attention into something ask yourself:
Will this be important to me in 25 years? Will I be proud of this activity?
Unfortunately many of us don’t think so clearly.
Many of us live our lives in a way that makes life seem as the most normal thing in the world.
Like there is absolutely nothing special about it. Like it’s a given that we will live 100 years on this planet.
Most of us are not making a life out of this, but only a living. A worm, an insect, an animal, they all make a living.
To make a living with our highly sophisticated brain is highly underestimating our own power and capabilities.
We have the power to make a life out of this, to grow and become a grateful and happy person leading a fulfilling life.
Deep down we want to make a life out of this one existence that has been given to us, but somehow we think we can’t.
It’s fascinating how people can stay trapped in their circumstances, a mental prison which they don’t even realise exist.
It is explainable though.
In the video I explain how a belief system is shaped like a puzzle when we are young.
When we are young we are dependent and super receptive. The input from our environment determines the puzzle, our belief system.
In photos of us as children, you see huge smiles. But somehow the older we become, the more serious we become.
You can say we’re dying in installments. The more conclusions we make, the lesser alive we become.
We call this knowledge, but it’s conclusions we are drawing about everything. These conclusions come initially from the puzzle that was created for us.
When we grow up and can think for ourselves, we sadly still operate from that puzzle.
If you’ve been blessed with a positive optimistic puzzle, you’re probably in a good place.
In case the puzzle is corrupted and full of detrimental beliefs, this has serious repercussions on your life.
Because we think what we believe is true, we don’t question our beliefs about ourselves and the world.
It’s ingrained in us, we are trained to believe the things we believe.
It takes proper introspection to question our beliefs one by way one, and to replace them with better empowering beliefs.
In other words, you want to become super self aware to rearrange the puzzle pieces thoroughly. What is the truth for you?
Is the story you tell yourself about yourself a true story? Or is it a repetitive story that was told by someone else?
Learn to draw your own conclusions. Don’t stay stuck in your own beliefs. Don’t automatically assume everyone is wrong when you think you’re right.
Learn to be curious and to see things from different perspectives.
Especially if you’re not happy with your life, you want to ask yourself if some new data might make sense after all.
We are often in our own way. It is easy to victimize ourselves, but if you’re not where you want to be in life, doesn’t that mean you are lacking knowledge? Acquiring knowledge means opening up your mind to make new conclusions.
This includes your beliefs about social media and your smartphone as well.
You’ve probably heard it many times: reading is good for you.
Unfortunately this doesn’t mean we automatically do it.
We know better but don’t really do better.
I like to compare this to eating salads and veggies.
We all know it’s healthy and that we should eat it. Do we though? Not everyone.
We associate books with the boredom we felt when we had to read (uninteresting) books at school.
However, it’s after our “official” studies that we really should keep on learning.
Not just through books of course, but it’s a way to learn about new insights.
From experience I can say reading is imperative.
It calms you. You train your attention span. You learn about new perspectives. You feel good about yourself.
Personally I read loads of educational books about sales, business, love, relationships, spirituality, marketing, finance, self-development, screen addiction, biographies, psychology and more.
We don’t have all the answers in life. We don’t know everything.
So to learn from other people’s experiences is a great way to gain knowledge and to inspire yourself.
Try not to use a Kindle though.
One of the biggest advantage of reading a book is that I don’t need to look at a screen!
That’s why I appreciate board games more than video games. You’re not using any screens.
If you don’t need to use a screen, then don’t.
Get yourself a book about any topic you find interesting and enjoy the experience of your mind expanding.
We are students forever. We can do our best to consume content, but we will never know everything.
Successful people are known for reading a lot.
Bill Gates reads around 1 book per week and Warren Buffet spends around 5 – 6 hours a day reading.
Check the video to see which books have helped me a lot with my growth and self-actualization.
Which book are you planning to read this month?
In life there is a lot going on. In your early years you are not really conscious of your mortality.
When you’re a teenager and tweener you think you will live 5oo years.
The older you become though, the more you become conscious of your finite life.
We start to ask ourselves: is this all there is in life? Is this it?
Shouldn’t I be somewhere else? Do something else? Have more?
When such thoughts arise, we often dismiss them.
Our minds are fast with coming up with a counterargument.
The real problem with this is: we believe those counterarguments.
We are not in control of our minds.
Thoughts come and should go, but often times we invite the (negative) thought and let it stay with us.
This often triggers other negative thoughts that have one goal in common: for you to stay in your comfort zone.
We all have thoughts, we all know that. What you also should know is that thoughts can be witnessed. You don’t need to be your thoughts.
See your mind as an ocean and waves as thoughts. We tend to believe we are the wave, instead of remembering the grandiose ocean that we are.
That’s why mindfulness is vital. It stops you from immersing yourself in disempowering thoughts. It reminds you you are the ocean, and you just let the wave (thought) pass through.
It’s okay to daydream, but when something or someone triggers a specific moment in time that makes you feel a negative emotion, you want to be able to ground yourself to here and now. To be in the present. To realise where you are, that the past and event is over, and that you don’t need to operate from those emotions for the rest of your day.
You’re back in control.
Thoughts trigger emotions, so if you are not careful, negative thoughts will determine how you take on a particular day.
Let’s connect this to phone and social media addiction. The more you can ground yourself to now, the more you understand that using your smartphone in a particular moment is unnecessary.
You will witness your thoughts going to your phone. So instead of riding the thought and taking your phone, you see it for what it is.
You are then in a position to choose if the thought is valid, or if the thought wants you to use your phone because you trained yourself to use your phone at that hour.
What about social media? When any negative feelings arise due to the news feed that triggers a whirlwind of I’m not enough thoughts, you quickly disengage with them and recompose.
There is so much to say and write about being in the moment. The key takeaway from this blog is that the more self aware you become, the more you realise you’re not your thoughts.
If you don’t know how to ground yourself back to the moment, you will find yourself mostly in the past or future. Not much productivity and empowerment can be found in both places, since they don’t exist. Only this moment exists. Even the future will take place in now.
The next stage is to create thoughts on purpose. Empowering thoughts that serve you and your future self. But that’s for a different blog.
Who isn’t excited to go on a trip? To go hiking? To go to the zoo?
The outdoors is important to embrace and is good for our mental health of course.
If we didn’t know that yet, then the pandemic made sure we know now.
When when take on an activity, there are multiple reasons for this.
- Because we are curious and want to expand our minds
- The activity looks like a lot of fun and we want to experience it for ourselves
- We may go somewhere to accompany a friend as a favor
All solid reasons.
Today though, there is another reason that became more popular:
We go out and do something because we want to post about it on social media.
We are excited for the event, but more so because we can show our social media pals how much fun we had.
So it’s not even the activity that excites you, it’s the whole idea of presenting proof that you are someone interesting.
This means it’s not necessarily the goal to enrich yourself, but more to evoke certain emotions that your friends will (hopefully) feel.
When you’re in the experience, you focus more on documenting the experience rather than actually enjoying the experience. Being in the experience. Feeling the experience. Sharing the experience with anyone who is there with you.
For some the emphasis is more on what’s the best way to show everybody I’m having a good time?
You want to build and create an image I get it, but is it for validation purposes, or is it because you connect yourself to a cause. A mission that you stand for. A specific interest that represents your self-expression.
Trying to impress others or trying for other people to validate your “awesomeness” won’t serve you.
You know you have self esteem when you’re enjoying yourself to the fullest and no one needs to know about it.
It’s enough that you know about it. You can tell your friends about it of course, but you don’t worry about documenting all of it on the spot.
If you can enjoy yourself in the experience and feeling great about it just by yourself when it’s over, that’s powerful.
You enjoyed your me myself and I time, or that time with anyone who shared the experience with you.
Remember that the best moments of your life don’t even make it to social media.
In those moments of elation, bliss, awe, wonder and excitement, there is simply no room for any thoughts remotely related to social media.
Some people need a few tips to control their phone use, some people need to do a lot of introspection first in order to begin the process of limiting their screen time.
Whether you call yourself a smartphone / social media addict or a compulsive user, step 6 of my formula is imperative which is self development.
Many are already well aware that we should continue to better ourselves till death is calling for us.
Not only that, many have actually built their entire lifestyle and habits around continuous progress, learning and development.
The more successful you become, the more you realize there is so much to learn, how ironic that may sound.
While “successful” people may be smart because they know how to make money, it requires a high level of humility to pursue actual greatness.
It’s like travelling. The more you travel, the more you realise how little you actually know about the world.
Your awareness expands.
So to come back to phone addiction. It’s not just about reading a book instead of scrolling. It’s not just about knowing where to find the Do Not Disturb feature on your phone.
If you really want make a change that is constant, that you don’t deviate from (most of the time) and that becomes part of your routine, then self development will facilitate this drastically.
You want to have your focus on your future, your desired skills, values, standards, curiosity and doing the thing that will expand you.
Developing yourself means learning a bit more every day. Becoming a bit more every day. Maintaining good routines and habits every day that set you up for success.
The more you like yourself and the more you keep promises to yourself, the more self-respect you will gain.
Those changes will become part of your new identity, a new you.
That new you doesn’t only know that too much scrolling is a waste, but is actually strong as well to prevent yourself from doing it.
Because when you do go for your phone, that voice that isn’t happy will speak loudly in your mind. It’s not part of the new you. You’re not used to such behavior anymore.
So analyse your life from a macro level and figure out what skills you want to acquire. Don’t ask what’s the meaning of life, but what the meaning is of your life.
The more meaning you can give to your life, the more powerful you become in following up on actions that will serve you and your future self.
When you open a social media app or login to your social media account, you’ll probably be confronted with the news feed.
The news feed is mentioned multiple times in my blogs, and for a good reason.
The news feed is a very smart feature that makes it hard to disconnect from the platform.
Even when we are not enjoying ourselves, it is hard to quit scrolling “just like that”.
The biggest reason why we don’t enjoy scrolling, is because we are confronted with our own lives.
We become suddenly very conscious about what we are missing out, what we don’t have, and who we are not.
Multiple times I have said and wrote to ignore the news feed, to enter your account with a specific intention.
When you do find yourself on your news feed a lot, and there is a negative emotion that you are constantly experiencing, you may want to ask yourself why.
What exactly is it that you are seeing that makes you feel that way?
Take a moment to be honest about that feeling and really look at it.
Is what you’re seeing online really something you lack?
Or do you feel sad because you think that person is happier than you?
Is it some perfect beautiful life that you think they have and are jealous about?
In other words, you may be happy with your life but are made aware of all the more you can achieve and become in your life.
So while you may be happy with your own life, you are confronted with how much better it can always become.
But this may not even be a goal of yours! You may not even find that thing you see important or meaningful!
That’s why it is vital to compare your own life with your own wishes and desires.
You may see some level of success on your news feed that resonates with you.
For example when you see a friend starting her own business on your news feed which is a dream of yours, become inspired.
Convert any form of jealousy into inspiration. When you are inspired, you tell yourself you can set up a business as well.
Jealousy makes you not wish the other person well because you (subconsciously) believe you can’t achieve what that person achieved.
When you don’t know what you want, you may find out by analyzing what posts make you curious.
If you see photos of happy couples while you are single and they affect you, use that awareness to improve your own state of being and get social.
So instead of spending so much time on dwelling due to all the triggers the news feed is feeding you, disconnect more often so you can actually do something that helps you to get that experience or person or lifestyle you so much seem to desire.
The news feed is far from a perfect place to become inspired, but become more aware of why you are having specific feelings all the time when you see specific posts. At the same time, remember that the MAJORITY of posts are positive for a reason which creates a false sense of reality.
Never forget that we tend to celebrate our lives in public, but deal with our insecurities, challenges and mental issues in private.
In a previous blog, I wrote about how you don’t want to be on standby for someone you’ve just met.
You want to operate from a place of confidence and self-esteem.
Your life should not be put on hold so you can reply straight away when an IM message arrives.
In this blog, I will write a bit more about this.
One reason why you don’t want to reveal yourself so quickly, is that you don’t want to show the person that you like him or her a lot just because you’ve met once or twice.
You want to show the person that he or she needs to continue showing his or her values, and what he or she is all about.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t show any indicators of interest. You definitely should!
Just don’t place a person so high on a pedestal just because you have a click.
And being on standby 24/7 pretty much does that….
So if you need any more reason to keep your cool, there it is!
Now, when the person is not happy with you not being on standby….well that says enough, doesn’t it?
You understand that person is not for you and you move on.
Unfortunately, this perfect scenario doesn’t always play out.
When we really like someone, we do our best to stay connected to that person.
When we have not set proper standards for ourselves and are not aware of our values, we tend to lower ourselves for the sake of not losing the person.
That’s why it is vital to have that self-confidence, meaning you demand only the best for yourself and refuse to sacrifice your dignity and self-respect.
You want to attract someone like how you are. Confident, self-aware, mature, independent etc.
If you have not set such demands, standards, virtues, and values for yourself, there is a high chance you will go overboard with your actions.
Please remember: someone who wants your constant attention is not your friend.
A true friend and a good partner is someone who supports you with your endeavors, projects, and dreams.
The happier you are and the better version you can present to your partner, the more your partner will benefit!
A good partner knows this. Don’t allow anyone to threaten you because you’re not constantly online.
Set the right expectations. The sooner you set them, the sooner you find out if someone deserves your attention.
It’s a good test actually.
Look it’s fine if you text fast sometimes, just make sure you don’t apologize when instead of 5 minutes it took 2 hours to reply.
Someone who values life will understand and won’t condemn you for it.
Remember, frequency attracts frequency….don’t operate from a place of fear. It will put you in a weak spot that transmits the wrong frequency…
I will be honest, scrolling through the Facebook News Feed is not always a happy activity.
Rarely I scroll, but when I do I’m painfully reminded by all the things I don’t have (yet).
It’s normal. We compare all the time.
Not just with other people, we also compare ourselves with ourselves.
Our versions of the past for example, or our lives we lived back in the 90s, 00s or e.g. 2005.
So when you scroll and feel sadness or disappointment, understand that this is normal.
Even when you know that those people who post their highlight reels also deal with their insecurities and issues of life.
With that knowledge, you want to do 2 things:
- Avoid the news feed altogether
- Unfollow/mute accounts so only posts that entertain or uplift you are visible
When you do scroll (which probably happens once in a while when you keep using social media actively), ensure that at least the majority of those posts display information that doesn’t evoke such negative disempowering emotions.
In the video, I explain how I understand specific negative feelings I have when I scroll, but how I reframe quickly.
In other words, I don’t enter victim mode but remind myself why I make specific sacrifices.
Sacrifices meaning not focusing on the short term pleasures but on long term bliss.
I don’t want to sacrifice what I want most for what I want now.
So I remind myself of my situation and my vision where I want to go.
I remember there is a reason why I may not have “it all” now while being aware of what “it all” exactly means to me.
The best thing to do is of course to avoid the news feed altogether. Avoid triggers that disempower you.
When you do find yourself on the news feed, understand that you will automatically compare your life with other people’s posted highlight reels.
Another question you can ask yourself is what exactly are you sad about? What is it that you see others have that you don’t have?
If you’re an avid social media user, you are probably aware of the “you” you are displaying on social media.
This persona is carefully crafted so that each post evokes specific emotions when seen by others.
We all love to post our highlight reels. We want to feel admired so of course we often post positivity, products we bought, happy feelings, happy experiences, happy forecasts in our lives etc.
Carefully showing this persona can mean you want to prove something to others and to yourself.
You want to prove that your life is fantastic as well, that you are part of the group, that you are part of the trend, that you are cool, that you are adventurous, that you are sexy etc.
A lot of our precious time is dedicated to this persona.
While you may succeed in others to feel a sense of envy and jealousy because of your posting, you want to ask yourself this question:
Why not spend more time and energy into living that life that you’re trying hard to display on social media?
To display any life or persona online is not that hard. It requires time and energy yes, but it isn’t super challenging.
Your result may be satisfactory in terms of how you want others to perceive you, but you are ultimately the one who has to deal with the truth that maybe…well….you’re not feeling all those positive emotions that you’re displaying on social media.
The good news though, is that you can spend your time and effort into empowering yourself to go after that exciting life you post about.
There is a caveat though. You want to first figure out whether:
- That life you are displaying is actually the life you want to live
- That life is a life that others expect you to live
- That life is a life you think others think is impressive by their standards
You want to define for yourself what is a fantastic life. What is success to you? What is happiness to you?
Many people love to define that for you, but you have to do this important task yourself.
That’s why it is vital to detach yourself from all the noise on social media.
Interact with your own internal voice and decide what is a meaningful life to you.
One thing is for sure: you won’t say on your deathbed: thankfully I fooled them into thinking I lived a fulfilled life.
When we meet someone who we like, we are inclined to be on constant standby.
I get it, I’ve been there.
You start pre-dating through text messages and WhatsApp has instantly become your favorite app.
You can put a movie on or read a book, but you just think about that next reply!
You know that reply is coming in soon!
The anticipation is clearly there and the feeling is exciting.
If you knew you were receiving a reply in 15 minutes, then that’s exciting.
But that’s not the case. We don’t know when we receive the next reply!
That’s how that feeling of excitement triples in power! It can be any moment that a notification pops up!
We are waiting for it.
All this is completely normal. We are excited to hear from that person we like, duh right.
Nevertheless….don’t make it a habit.
I used to be on standby for the girl who I was texting with.
Now in hindsight, I can say that was not a smart move.
I understood why I did it though. I didn’t want the girl to think I didn’t like her.
I was afraid she would display that same behavior.
That she stops caring because she thinks I don’t care.
I totally understand that Johan of the past.
Luckily for a few years now that Johan doesn’t exist anymore.
I text back of course when I meet someone, but I don’t stress about it anymore.
I can reply fast sometimes, but sometimes I don’t and it takes a few hours.
I learned to prioritize me. Not to operate from fear.
If I’m busy then I’m busy. Why worrying what the other person may think?
It’s not that I don’t reply for days.
Eventually, you have to ask yourself what kind of person you want to attract.
It certainly is not someone who demands my attention all the time.
No, I want to attract someone who has a life, who values her life, personal projects, and growth.
Actually, it is that behavior that really makes me attracted to someone. To see someone operate from confidence.
To see someone who knows what she wants and who has her actions aligned with her values and virtues.
Now THAT’s attractive!
So I thought: If I’m not operating from such a place, how will I attract someone who does?
At the end of the day, frequency attracts frequency. It’s all about deciding on what wavelength you want to be.
That motivated me to operate from a place of confidence and self-esteem, which enabled me to attract others who behave in that same way.
So don’t think you have to constantly respond in order to stay desirable.
Show that person you care about your life and value your time and demand the same for any possible future partner.
Those days where we interact with a handful of people in the offline world are long over.
Now we are bombarded with online content from hundreds of people every day.
On social media, we love to show others where we stand, what we believe in, and “how” we live our lives.
Exchanging ideas with a few people is one thing, being exposed to loads of opinions from a large number of people online is another.
This becomes a problem when you:
- Decide that others have the power to offend you easily
- Think you have to teach others why a certain opinion is wrong
- Have to be right in order for your own beliefs and level of significance to be validated and confirmed
Why? Because A LOT of time will be devoted to meaningless arguments that will drain you.
These are reasons why we can lose ourselves in endless arguments that don’t go anywhere.
Worse….many posts are created BECAUSE they want to agitate you, they want you to engage.
They want to cause a stir, and you’re buying it.
The truth is many people have different opinions about all sorts of topics.
Prepare yourself when you befriend and follow many since you’re bound to encounter a post or video that just doesn’t fully resonate with you.
And you know what? That’s okay! Everyone is entitled to their opinions.
It is noble if you want to assist someone to shift a specific perspective of a topic “for the better”, but ask yourself:
Is this worth your time and energy?
Or better…..do you really care?
Changing an opinion, belief, or perspective of someone is a tough task.
Because you know why….not everyone is ready or cares about what you have to say.
Focus on exchanging ideas with people who are open and receptive to other opinions.
Not that you are always right and they are wrong, but you want to spend time and energy in people who are on your frequency of open-mindedness. And still, it is fine to just agree to disagree.
So remember: don’t feel offended or responsible to show others you disagree.
AND remember that many people post something on purpose to get a reaction out of you…don’t let this happen.
If you’re at this point where you enter arguments fast, I can promise you that the more conscious you become of your mortality, the sooner you enter a stage where you simply don’t care what others say, even when someone says 2 + 2 = 9.
We have many ideas.
There is a lot that we want in life.
Sometimes we even dare to dream big.
When we feel empowered, we think: how can I achieve what I want?
What can I do to change my circumstances and mental conditioning?
If you’re in that spot then you’re on the right path.
Many don’t jump from thinking and dreaming, to actually planning and starting one simple task that kicks off that long process of persistence, perseverance, willingness, and determination.
Then we decide it is time to actually begin.
We have to:
- Open that Word document to start writing
- Turn on the camera to start presenting
- Pick up that guitar to start playing
- Login to WordPress and start building that website
This first step can be challenging.
We are not used to it. It’s not familiar behavior.
Your body and brain are not used to this action you want to take so it will try to bring you to familiar behavior.
This means you will “look” for distraction, for some errand that “suddenly” need to get done as well.
You want to anticipate that “protest”!
Set up your environment in such a way that no distraction can come your way.
Have your glass of water beside you.
Have your 2-hour music playlist ready so you don’t need to change songs all the time.
Have the proper lighting.
Know exactly what that first task is that you need to act on.
Have unnecessary tabs and programs closed on your laptop.
And of course….hide your phone BEHIND your laptop in DND mode.
Don’t let your brain see that phone next to you subconsciously!
It’s your brain’s perfect solution to bring you to familiar behavior which is to grab your phone!
You see, you want to become aware of such tricks your mind will play on you.
Therefore plan to start with one simple task for a specific period of time.
Even if nothing comes out, just sit there. Even when you dwell, have nothing close that can distract you.
Sit with it until you convinced yourself there is NO universe where you get up before taking some form of action.
The result doesn’t have to be perfect though and it won’t!
Just understand that repetition is VITAL in order to become good at something, let alone great.
Increase those moments of deep work and deep focus slowly till that becomes your new familiar behavior.
Tik Tok is making the news a lot lately.
There is a lot of commotion about the app and some countries have already banned it.
The app can be very addictive and it’s owned by Chinese company ByteDance.
The USA may ban the app as well because of the above reasons, and especially due to national security concerns.
The people who’ve already installed the app can still use it though.
If you don’t know what Tik Tok is, it’s an app popular among the youngsters.
Tik Tok allows users to create short clips that are often used to display artistry and talents.
Users sing, dance, lip-sync, act, do comedy, and a lot more.
If you or your child is using Tik Tok, you want to know about the Digital Wellbeing tool.
Instagram is becoming more popular than Facebook.
At least the name Instagram is not as “dirty” as Facebook is, although Instagram is owned by Facebook.
With dirty I mean to refer to the many times Facebook made the news (for the wrong reasons) and the advertising boycott that is currently going on.
Instagram however hasn’t made such news yet.
True there are many blogs and opinions that say to watch out for excessive Instagram use (and I totally agree with that of course!), but the service is only becoming more popular.
The danger (advantage) with Instagram is that it is photo and video-oriented.
This is great when using it wisely for branding purposes. Not so much when you feel you have to post a “perfect you” constantly.
Are you okay and aware of your Instagram use?
You may want to check the Your Activity feature to find out how long you are using Instagram every day.
My 6 step formula helps people create a healthy relationship with their phone.
It’s not just about using your phone less, but also about becoming digital and media literate.
To become insightful regarding the detrimental effects of excessive phone and social media use.
To understand why we are hooked on social media and why we keep using those platforms in order to find some happiness that we never fully achieve online.
It’s also about becoming aware of your own life and desires, seeing your life from a macro level.
Step 1 of the formula is self-awareness. This is vital when you want to introduce change in your life.
You have to understand what and where your current position is in life.
Step 1 is all about asking questions to yourself and answering them in all honesty.
Questions like:
- How much am I using my smartphone?
- What feeling or thought triggers me to go for my phone or to stay on my phone?
- Am I often triggered by external (e.g. notifications) or internal (feeling of loneliness) triggers?
- What is the desired result of grabbing and using my phone?
- What bothers me about my social media and smartphone use?
- How is this behavior affecting my life, relationships, future, objectives?
- How do I want to see my life, relationships, career, and future?
- How is my smartphone involved in that desire life?
You have to be clear about why you want to change.
Change can be hard to implement. The less clear and determined you are to change anything, the harder it is to introduce and maintain change.
The clearer and more motivated you are to change, the less challenging this becomes.
Entering the arena is easy. Saying Yes I will change is easy.
Staying in the area and fighting off those thoughts and feelings that want to lure you back to your phone takes a lot more willpower.
You want to prepare for the “battle” with your current self that will soon become your old self.
When you maintain that persistence and perseverance, that current self will become your desired self.
Your “self” will associate itself more with that vision of you who has control over her or his smartphone.
That’s why step 1 can’t be skipped.
Be clear where you are now and where you want to go, so no excuse can change your mind.
You have revealed yourself to yourself.
Your ego can say whatever it wants to you in order for you to check your smartphone again.
You’ve already anticipated that. You know better now.
You know that behavior is not serving you. Nothing will surprise you or catch you off guard.
Of course, sometimes you will slip up and that’s normal.
The only difference then when that happens, is that the slip up becomes an exception instead of the norm it used to be.
“How didn’t you know?! I posted it on Facebook!”
This sentence can make you feel guilty instantly for not having logged on to Facebook.
You feel bad that you didn’t know and that you didn’t comment or at least acknowledged the news by liking it.
But…why feeling guilty? Why let them think you are using social media a lot?
It is time to set clear expectations.
First when you do want to use social media e.g. Facebook less, try to focus on making something flourish.
Build, produce, write, draw, anything, and work on that. This will distract you from your phone.
Then you want to inform certain people who expect you to be online constantly that you are not going to be online as often as you were before.
Not that you have to explain yourself to others, but I can imagine you want to inform your close friends and family members who are used to see you online every day (every hour) that you will start using social media less.
It is up to you whether you want to share your plans with them, or that you say you simply don’t want to waste so much time immersing yourself in a screen anymore.
You will notice it will affect you less when someone does say to you: “how didn’t you know!? I posted it on Facebook!”
Start first brainstorming about what you want to work on or improve, which will replace the majority of your social media time.
When a friend tells you to meet up on a Saturday evening, you expect her to show up.
When she doesn’t and she calls you something came up, you become disappointed.
It’s normal.
Then you agree again to meet up with her on a Saturday evening.
But….she doesn’t show up. Again.
“Yeah I’m so sorry I would arrive too late I had this thing I needed to get solved!’
“Let’s meet next week! Next week should be completely fine!”
Okay you think. You’re disappointed and angry but you consent to next week’s appointment.
When Saturday evening arrives, and you are in the coffee shop, the phone rings.
Your friend is again not showing up.
What will you think when this happens?
Will you trust your friend when she says she wants to meet up?
Probably not.
The truth is, we do this to ourselves all the time.
We make promises to ourselves, big ones, and we break them.
Over and over again.
Will this affect our self-esteem? Oh yes it does.
With every promise we break we add more weight in the bucket of no self-esteem.
Make small promises to yourself and keep them. That’s how you build momentum.
That’s how you increase self-esteem.
The more self-esteem you gain, the less you need comments and likes from others to give that to you.
Comments and likes are never a good source to gain self-confidence.
On the contrary, due to the compare and despair phenomenon, our self-esteem only decreases.
I wrote it a few times and will write it again: improve the story you tell yourself about yourself when you’re by yourself.
Start making small promises to yourself that you will keep.
Then make you start making them more audacious.
We want to feel good about ourselves. That’s one of the reasons we go on social media.
Not that’s the best strategy to improve our state of mind, but we like to see and receive some form of validation.
Validation makes us feel good about ourselves. Someone commented your hair looks great?
That feels good! It’s always nice to hear or read positive comments.
There is only a fundamental problem with this approach to wanting to feel good.
What if there are no positive comments? Or worse, what if there are negative ones?
Will you believe those as well?
If you easily believe the good comments and allow them to make you feel good well…..
Then you will probably believe the bad ones too or at least you will allow them to make you feel bad.
We yearn for affirmations and compliments. Our posting is based on achieving exactly that.
The problem is that if you overvalue compliments, it makes you more vulnerable to negativity.
Don’t wait for others to be your biggest fan in order to feel good, to feel enough.
It is up to you to feel good about yourself. Empower yourself so any bad comments won’t bring you down.
We are good at being our own critic. We criticize ourselves easily. Just don’t forget to be your OWN biggest fan as well.
Any other person who is a fan or at least likes you, that’s just a bonus.
Start improving the story you tell yourself about yourself.
You will start to notice that validation is not a prerequisite to feeling great about yourself.
Earlier this week I wrote about being careful with reading and watching the news.
I’ll elaborate a bit more.
News is a broad term. There is international news, national news, sports, business, politics, entertainment, tech news, and so on.
When you watch e.g. business or tech news because you’re interested in the topic, and you need to stay updated for your vocation, then that’s totally understandable.
What you want to be careful with, is with international and national news showing murder, death, misery, and negativity.
When you do engage in such content, try to read or watch for just a few minutes from a reliable source.
But as I wrote in a previous blog, you can’t believe everything you see or read.
Even reliable sources may sometimes not share the complete story.
The more you expose yourself to negativity, the more it will rub off on you.
Your attention and focus shift multiple times a day to such topics which mean they may be circulating longer in your mind.
The more you discuss and talk about all those bad events that happen daily, the more you are not focusing on subjects that are far more important in your life.
You may be right about certain happenings or people, but if of all the millions of things it is the news that dominates your mind a lot….don’t you think that’s a huge waste?
Of course, if you’re doing something about any events you see on the news like being a part of a movement to make a difference, that’s different.
But most of us merely watch, complain, and share our thoughts with others.
The terrible events that happen every day don’t deserve your constant time, attention, and focus. So while you may be right with your opinion, (similar to your idea of wanting to use your phone less), you want to be living your one precious life mindfully with the right people, dreams, interests, and events on your mind.
Become mindful about when, for how long, and what type of news you want to absorb every day.
Then you want to be mindful regarding how much of that energy you want to bring into the household and world.
If you plan to keep using social media, at least make sure your news feed is not culpable for negative triggers.
Your own space is sacred. Your very room in your house is sacred. You don’t allow anyone to enter your house so easily.
You want to control who is allowed to request your attention and time.
The same applies to your news feed. Are you happy with what you see?
Do you feel compelled to react often? To comment often when you scroll?
The news feed is one of the notorious reasons why instead of 5 minutes we spend one hour on social media.
What kind of feelings do you experience?
Do you feel sad? Disappointed? Doubtful? Jealous? Angry? Happy?
Whatever emotions you experience, surely they are understandable.
The question is more: do you really want to be triggered by other people’s content this way?
I remember that when I scrolled through Facebook, I always felt sad after a session.
I felt sad because I was comparing my life to those highlight reels. It’s a human tendency.
What we shouldn’t forget, is that we can control what we see.
Maybe not 100%, because at the end of the day we can’t control other people’s posts.
But you can stop seeing someone’s content by muting or unfollowing that “friend”.
Even unfriending and blocking could be an option.
When you unfollow or mute, the other person will not know you won’t see his/her content anymore.
Next time you see a post that you don’t like and this person has a tendency to post such content often, immediately take action by muting or unfollowing the person.
There is a lot happening in the world.
This year COVID-19 made its introduction, defining 2020 till the very end no doubt.
I was close to Amsterdam when the virus reached the Netherlands back in February.
Since I live in Dublin, the original plan was to stay in Holland for 2 weeks only.
Many months later, and here I am still close to Amsterdam.
Back in February and early March, I was constantly watching the news.
Every day there was news about a country locking down, people suffering from the virus, and staying home.
It was madness, and in many countries and regions, it still is.
For a while now I’ve stopped reading and watching the news multiple times on a daily basis.
My normal habit is to read the news once a day for a few minutes and that’s it.
Sometimes there are days I don’t read the news at all.
As Denzel Washington said: if you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.
Many different platforms present the news in a specific way.
It’s easy for us to create a set of opinions and beliefs about a certain topic.
This is a reason why you want to be careful about how much you expose yourself to the news.
Another very important reason is the fact that news can make you bitter without you realizing it.
The thing is….misery, negativity, killings, accidents don’t take breaks.
It is going on 24/7. Even if you want to keep up, you won’t succeed.
We witness the world from a macro-level which can make us think: “the world is such a crazy place full of bad people, why bother to put any blood, sweat, and tears for a good cause?”
“What’s the point to try and better this world?”
Don’t let the news control you and your state of mind.
Focus on your life on a micro-level.
That’s what you can control, and there is where you can find a lot to be grateful about.
You’ve probably heard of my 6 steps formula to combat screen addiction and improve digital wellness.
If you’ve haven’t, know that step 2 is Insight.
You want to be aware of the detrimental effects of excessive screen use.
Know what companies like Facebook are doing to hook you.
Why it is so hard to stay away from social media, and why you spend 3 hours instead of 15 minutes.
This information will help increase your motivation to stop letting your phone control you.
Lots of research needs to be done regarding the long term effects of too much screen time.
After all, smartphones made their introduction in 2007.
This means people who were born with smartphones around them are currently 13 years old.
Of course back in 2007 not many people were using smartphones yet, they were a novelty.
Flip phones and cell phones were omnipresent back then.
Nevertheless, lots of research has been done already regarding too much screen time.
Know that zero screen control can even affect our brain.
Can you abstain from tech? From your devices? From social media?
Just the thought of being alone without your phone can make you anxious instantly.
You feel naked when you realize your phone is not with you.
In case you forgot your phone, you panic and the sympathetic nervous system is being activated.
Ever heard of a digital detox? You probably did.
The idea sounds fantastic, but scary and pretty much impossible in a practical sense.
That’s at least the opinion of the majority when we think about the concept of a digital detox.
You don’t need to stay away from your phone or social media for one month.
Not even one week. Not even one weekend. Not even for a day.
You don’t expect from yourself to go to the gym 4 times a week when you haven’t gone to the gym for years right.
Small steps, that’s the key.
Grant yourself just one hour of peace and quiet.
“Put your devices away!”
Who hasn’t heard this advise about our phone use?
We say it a lot, and yes anyone who claims you should put your device away is probably right.
Our level of self-awareness is high enough to admit we use our phones a lot.
But….where do we have to leave our phones?
We have to put them away but…..where is away?
Should we put our phones in our pocket? On the table? In a closet?
Well, that’s the question you will want to know the answer to.
When you implement the no phone zone rule, you don’t want to be thinking where to leave your phone.
Think of a designated space where you want to leave your phone.
I call this place: the phone lounge.
A spot where the whole family can leave their phones.
It’s ideal that you use that same spot to charge your devices as well.
Know where your phone lounge is at home, at the office, and anywhere where you want to stay away from your phone.
When you’ve done that, you don’t need to contemplate on where to leave your phone anymore.
Because the moment you have to think about it…well… that’s the moment you just put your device next to you or in front of you.
Start allocating a proper space where your smartphone can be with itself ( or with the other smartphones) in peace.
Social media can be great, there is a reason why you use it.
Not even a reason, I should say reasons. There is so much you can do on social media.
Checking posts of influencers for example, that’s at least kind of fun right.
Okay maybe not “fun” but it is somehow satisfying, that’s why you keep doing it.
This is a reason people complain about social media, because of that “compare and despair” effect.
You expose yourself to highlight reels and start to feel bad about yourself and your life.
Aside negative aspects that don’t really add anything positive to your life, there are positive aspects.
Positive aspects like staying connected with friends and maintaining a fan page.
So we know social media can be good and also bad.
What we have to remember though, is that social media is not neutral.
Social media websites are not going to stay dormant or complacent when you’re online.
It’s the opposite that’s the case, they try as hard as they can to make you stay online.
Many tricks are thrown at you to make you hooked.
“Just stay online for 5 minutes”
“You know what, check that profile as well for just 5 more minutes”
“Since you’re online, why not place a comment underneath that post?”
“You can log off yes but first check this for just 5 min”
The companies want to monetize your eyeballs.
The longer you’re online + the more data you give to those companies = more money for them.
There is a manipulation game going on and you’re not even aware of it.
Social media is not neutral. Be mindful about your social media session.
Know what you want to do in your account and for how long, then log off or close the app.
What you see on social media is a world you think everyone is seeing.
A reality that can be witnessed by many other social media users.
But that’s not the case.
What you see is unique only to you.
Your world is a highly curated world that the platform’s algorithms have created just for you.
Your clicks, your likes, your website visits, your interactions, your group visits, fanpage visits, profile visits….
They are all used to create a detailed profile of you.
It’s shocking, but social media companies probably know you better than your spouse does.
Your deepest desires, your hidden pleasures, your secret interests, they have probably been explored on social media.
This is the reason why you are not Facebook’s customer, but its product.
The advertisers though are the customers.
They use all your data to create sophisticated ads that have the power to trigger you quickly.
This enhances that curated world that is being created just for you.
There’s just so much information available about you!
You think social media is free?
Well…it is not.
You pay with your data, attention and time.
In an earlier blog, I wrote about using the browser version of an app on your laptop.
Delete the app, and use the laptop browser version whenever you’re home for example.
For some who don’t have immediate access to their laptop or are often out and about, this could be challenging.
What you can do is have the app still deleted, but use its browser version on your mobile device.
You may be more inclined to download the app because you’re still on your phone, but at least there is friction.
During the process of opening the browser app, entering the URL and logging in, you may change your mind.
There is time for second thoughts to enter your mind.
Thoughts that say: why are you checking social media again? It’s better to do something else.
So you make it harder for yourself to use your account, and you’re abstaining from using the actual app.
Then when you notice you are using your account/application less, it will be easier to stop using the platform (both app and browser version) altogether if you wish to do so.
Common advice to beat phone addiction is to delete your junk apps.
Apps that have no value to offer other than entertainment or distraction.
Entertainment apps may have funny content to offer no doubt, but that content is not helping you move forward.
So when you say you want to get rid of such apps, I definitely can imagine!
While deleting apps may be too challenging for you, there is another thing you can do.
Of course you can move apps to a third or fourth screen for example, but there’s something else.
When you use an iPhone, you can offload apps.
Offloading apps means your app is gone, but it’s still visible on your screen.
The app just isn’t installed anymore. Your data hasn’t gone anywhere though.
It’s good for creating space on your phone, but…
It’s also a good test to see how long you can use your phone without clicking on the app that will reactivate installation…
We use our smartphones everywhere.
There is no room in the house that has seen us without our phone.
It just doesn’t happen anymore.
Our phones love to take charge. Doesn’t matter where you are.
In the office, in the bar, in the toilet or in the waiting queue.
It is time to show your device who’s boss.
You want to let it and yourself know when it’s allowed for your phone to be by your side.
Think of activities that you do on a daily basis or want to do.
Evaluate which of those activities deserve the presence of your phone.
Sometimes you want to be accompanied by only your own voice.
Not the voices of many others, that constant input is just exhausting as you probably know already.
So make a rule for yourself when specific devices are not allowed in specific areas.
This could be at home, in the office, at the tennis court etc.
You can even make a no phone zone card that you place in the area when you don’t want to use your phone.
A benefit is that you will become more conscious of any activities you are focusing on or want to focus on.
Phubbing is a term that is used more often lately.
Sadly, most of us occasionally phub in our lives.
Phubbing is a word combination, it combines the words phone and snubbing.
Phubbing means you are engaging with your phone while you were initially engaging with another person.
It’s considered “normal” behavior now because we are on our phones so much.
We are programmed to take our phones when it makes a sound without thinking about where we are and what we are doing.
Like a slave, we prioritize our phone (the master) instantly.
You think it’s okay to phub when you quickly lock your phone’s screen because some notification was meaningless.
But it’s not.
You both know now that you were expecting something more important than the conversation you are having.
(Of course, there are exceptions such as expecting an important message.)
What’s demonstrating consideration and respect, is to hear a notification or a ringtone and then showing the person you don’t care about your smartphone by not grabbing it.
Showing the person that whoever and whatever wants your attention: that can wait.
But….what’s even better, is not to allow your phone to interrupt your or the other person’s train of thought in the first place.
Give your smartphone 0 change to remind you and the person of its existence.
Don’t have your phone on the table either, keep it out of sight!
Even the mere presence of your phone on the table shows the other person that he or she is important, TILL your smartphone thinks it’s about time for you to pay attention to it once again.
You managed to gather a bunch of friends, but somehow you guys are not fully connecting because there is practically always, someone on his or her phone.
It’s hard those moments where no one is not even thinking about that loud smartphone.
Showing the right example is just one part of the coin.
The flipside is that we are not responsible or in control of other people’s behavior.
What you can do though, is play a game when you are congregating somewhere, indoors or outdoors.
This game is called phone stacking.
Think of a “penalty” that a person has to deal with when he or she touches his or her smartphone first.
We hear this term a lot when we discuss excessive screen time: FOMO.
FOMO means the Fear of Missing Out.
That feeling when you think there is a lot going on, and you have no idea what.
It’s an uncomfortable feeling. It’s a feeling we want to get solved asap.
Social media is a place where a lot is going on.
Upcoming events? Social media will tell you.
Your friend had a fantastic day because she bought a new iPhone? Social media will tell you.
An unfortunate event happened in the world? Social media will tell you.
Corona updates? Social media will tell you.
There is a lot of information published and consumed on social media.
A large portion of your daily visual input comes from social media.
No wonder people feel weird and uncomfortable when that daily visual input is missing.
The thing is: we don’t want to feel left out. We want to matter. We want to belong.
“And belonging is not possible when you ignore social media”
That’s what FOMO makes you think.
I’m here to reassure you: it’s not true.
You don’t need to participate (constantly) on social media.
A bigger problem is: when you do kill that FOMO, there is another FOMO that will hit you sooner or later.
That FOMO is 10x before powerful. That’s a FOMO you should pay attention to.
You may like to use social media.
At least there are specific features you appreciate which I totally understand.
What’s challenging though, is that it is hard to use a social media app for just one activity.
You will probably stay immersed in that app for a while because of the many options the app has to offer.
If you are annoyed with your social media use, you’ve probably thought about deleting some apps.
I support you all the way when you do that!
Nevertheless, it can be hard.
Deleting an app is one thing. Keeping it deleted is another.
Try the following strategy:
Step 1: delete social media apps.
Step 2: Use your browser on your laptop. Not on your phone, but just your laptop.
Are you fed up with your smartphone behaving like a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend?
Are you fed up with being a slave to your phone?
Step 1: disable your push notifications.
If you never ever want some peace of mind in your life, keep your notifications enabled.
But we don’t like when our peace is constantly disturbed (right?), so disable your notifications now.
Go through your app list, and disable at least 70% of your app notifications.
Don’t want to disable the IM push notifications?
At least mute certain contacts so you only allow your device to inform you about messages from people who matter.
Social media app notifications however should be disabled. Really.
Count how many of today’s notifications were valuable. Maybe 2? 1? 0?
The world does not end if you wait 30 minutes or heck even 2 hours till you check what movie your friend watched.
You’re fine to wait a few hours before you get back to someone if the conversation isn’t urgent.
It’s really okay.
You should train your friends and family to accept your me myself and I time is valuable to you.
They should understand you actually have a life.
You’re not born to take immediate action to every single request from some app or some person.
You’ll just be busy living your life that is basically controlled by others.
That is unacceptable.
Why are you using social media?
Do you know why?
Do you sometimes use social media without really knowing what you’re doing?
Like you’re just looking around, scrolling around, judging around?
Sometimes we start using social media because we feel uncomfortable.
We feel uncomfortable and want to get rid of this feeling as quickly as possible.
What is out there ready to tell us that they have the solution ready?
Social media.
Social media is the perfect escape from our feelings.
You make yourself busy. You divert your focus and attention on something else.
After a social media session though, you often don’t feel better.
The feeling that you felt may have even gotten worse.
If you use social media as an escape pod, you will return to the exact point from where you left.
Use social media intentionally.
Honor your feelings instead of running from them.
You may have heard of my 6 steps formula to beat phone addiction.
If that's the case, you know that step 1 is Self-Awareness.
Clarity is power.
You need to know where you are now before heading to where you want to go.
You need to be honest about your behavior and character, and what you want to change.
This doesn't mean you will hate yourself or beat yourself up.
Absolutely not!
This simply means you know what you have to work on.
Again, you will have gained this clarity.
So to gain this clarity, you want to know how much and why you use screens.
Aside from this, you want to evaluate how excessive screen use is affecting your life.
How are your relationships affected?
How is your self-actualization process affected?
How is your health affected?
If you have a spouse, you can exchange your feelings with each other.
You can discuss how excessive social media and screen use is affecting your connection and unity.
Then you can have an optimistic talk about how you DO want to see your relationship.
Know where you are, and where you want to go.
How do I feel good about myself? If you don’t have the right answers to this question, your phone will be more than happy to answer it for you.
Not that you’re phone is right of course. Your phone believes it is the answer to all your problems.
We all know (subconsciously) that this is not true.
So it’s important we answer this question ourselves.
Do you want to feel good about yourself fast?
Like, tonight? Tomorrow?
Then go exercise. Yes, that’s it.
If you can make just this one habit a reality, you will propel yourself for greater things.
Just start doing this one activity: exercising.
Back in 2005, I was using chatrooms a lot. It was still new and a great opportunity to meet new people.
Soon I realized, not everything is what it seems though.
People love to come up with stories, they like to portrait themselves as a (much) better version of themselves.
People create this avatar purposely which may be completely the opposite of who they are.
There are many different reasons why someone would present to be someone else.
The person may try to scam you, may be insecure, or simply wants to troll you.
Stay sharp when interacting with others online.
Don’t trust anyone so rapidly, and never share your personal information.
If you don’t know what catfishing is, check out the video.
Many of us want to self-actualize. We want to make the best out of life.
Anyone who did some research in self-development, knows you are not your thoughts.
Our thoughts change into feelings which then create more thoughts, that result in stronger feelings again and the feedback loop continues.
We should witness our thoughts, witness the wave in the ocean, and let it pass.
Don’t become the wave, remain the ocean. That’s easier said than done I get it.
If you are used to letting your state of mind be determined by fleeting emotions (unconsciously and unwillingly), mindfulness is the key.
With mindfulness, you train to notice things.
You train to become more interested in being aware of your thoughts instead of in the thoughts themselves.
Everyone is using screens.
Practically everyone you know is using social media.
The way we use our screens has become a social norm.
“Everyone is doing it so it’s not weird that I’m using my phone so much either”
Nevertheless many want to change their relationship with their device and social media.
Deep down we know we are missing out. We experience FOMO.
No, not that type of FOMO where we worry about what our buddies have posted on Instagram today.
But FOMO in the sense of missing out on the fundamentals of life. Growth, relationships, fulfillment.
On our deathbed, we are not going to remember those fleeting moments on social media.
We know it. We don’t want to realize it, but a voice deep down knows exactly what the deal is.
Do something about it. Don’t look around and see what your environment does.
Decide for yourself what’s best for you.
It’s easy to find excuses to stay immersed in your screens for a bit longer.
Our smartphones do a lot of work for us. That’s great, it really is.
That’s why technology has loads of advantages and is still developing rapidly.
Our lives will only get easier because of it.
Look at how tech is facilitating our lives now, look at how fast we can access information for example.
We are one message away, one call away and one search away to find an answer or solution to any question or problem that we face.
While this is not inherently bad, we should see such improvement for what really is: an improvement.
This doesn’t mean we should simply outsource contemplation or brainstorming.
We are creative human beings.
We were used to remembering 10 phone numbers, now we are lucky if we can remember 2 excluding our own.
The same applies to calculating. We are quick to get our calculators instead of using our brains.
Keep training your brain. Your brain doesn’t know what’s good or bad.
Your mind does what it thinks you want it to do and what it truly believes is in your best interest.
It wants to make your life easy.
Don’t outsource your brain to technology.
It’s your job to redirect your brain’s development.
Think for yourself. Stay creative, and allow yourself that moment of solitude.
It”s in that solitude where you are free of everyone’s input and available for your own thought processes.
It doesn't matter whether you call it an addiction or a compulsive behavior.
It doesn't matter if everyone is doing it.
What matters is if you feel good about it: screen use.
Do you think you're using your screens wisely, or are they controlling you a bit too much?
You may know better but don’t do better.
You know about the airplane mode, but do you use it?
What about the Do Not Disturb option aka DND?
This option is pretty sophisticated because you can create a VIP phone list, enable repeated calls and schedule when DND enables/disables automatically.
In the past, I’ve interrupted many opportunities to connect with people.
Not purposely, but I allowed my phone to tell me I should reach for it whenever it wanted.
A huge shame, because that prevented some people to reveal more about themselves.
We were connecting until my phone told me to stop.
One day I realized how rude that actually is.
The person is important until my phone says STOP and CHECK what happened!
The idiotic thing is that the happening I was supposed to check, was merely an available update for an app or e.g. the fact that someone (insignificant) has finally posted on Twitter.
Basically updates I didn’t need to know about. (And yes, Twitter notifications are disabled for a while now!)
Now when the opportunity arises to establish and improve a connection, I take it.
DND and airplane mode became my good friends.
Are they yours?
Smartphones exist since 2007…..and look at us now. Many years later and we are glued to our screens.
Sometimes we are longing for those days where we played a simple game of snake for just a few minutes, and then we were done with it.
Not with just the game, but with our phone as well, or should I write cell phone.
The question is: have we seen everything when it comes to technology? Definitely not.
This is only the beginning.
AI becomes more intelligent and omnipresent.
What about Augmented Reality and Virtual Reality?
Can you imagine how the world will change when VR becomes mainstream?
Exactly….that’s why I believe we have seen nothing yet….
Now is the time to control our screen use and to learn to think for ourselves.
Technology is developing to help the human race, I do believe that.
But there is a danger that comes with that….don’t let those advancements control everything in your life.
Practice moderation now, since in the future this will become more challenging…
You like your privacy. I can’t blame you.
Now that we use our smartphones not only on a daily basis but pretty much on an hourly basis, our screens can’t complain about the amount of attention they get from our eyes.
We immerse ourselves in our screens in such a way that people can’t see what we’re looking at.
The world doesn’t need to know what’s so interesting about what we’re watching or doing.
Unfortunately for us, that posture is not good for the neck.
What’s worse, is that we’ve built this postural habit due to the number of screen sessions we are having.
That can’t be good, and it is not.
You can suffer from an injury called text neck.
Text neck describes repeated stress injury and pain in the neck resulting from excessive watching or texting on handheld devices over a sustained period of time.
Bending the head forward to use a smartphone directly affects the spine.
Research has shown that tilting the head forward to 15 degrees places about 27 pounds of force on the neck.
This increases to 40 pounds at 30 degrees, 49 pounds at 45 degrees, and 60 pounds at 60 degrees.
The symptoms of text neck are among others neck pain, stiffness, soreness, muscle weakness, and headaches.
It’s vital to hold your device properly because you’re using it so much.
There are loads of apps available in Google Play and Apple’s App Store. Digital Wellbeing apps included.
When we talk about the number of hours we spend on our phones and apps, it’s because an app showed us.
Funny actually, using tech to beat tech. I do salute those apps though.
Blocking apps that make it impossible to use specific apps for a specific period of time, help you to become more aware.
You can notice how much you are craving that app. You want to check it. Just for 1 minute.
You may even want to unblock it if you can, but you try not to while the urge remains present.
The same applies to tracking apps. They tell you how long you have used your apps. They are honest!
They tell you straight up the number of hours spent (or wasted?) on an app. It’s probably more than you imagined…
Yes blocking and tracking apps are great!
BUT
Don’t rely on those apps to control your phone use. Don’t just rely on external help.
You don’t want to be dependent on those apps. There is so much more you can do.
There are many tricks tech companies have implemented to monetize our eyeballs.
This means they had to find ways to make us use their apps and smartphones as much as possible.
In the casino and slot machines you see flashy (red) colors, pings, tunes and moving objects which stimulate more risky decisions.
All these are very attractive and appealing, especially the colour red which is sensitive to our eyes.
It is not a coincidence that this colour is dominated in the kingdom of updates, notification, news etc.
Life includes so many exciting activities and interests ready for you to explore.
There’s so much to be excited about.
When you embrace life and you open yourself up to the unknown, you find evidence of the amazing opportunities life has in store for you.
One key element I believe is vital to have and act on, is curiosity. Look around you.
Read about different things. Look at what other people become excited about. Be curious.
Don’t judge so fast, try to figure out what makes something exciting. Try it yourself.
Aside from learning about a specific topic, try to experience it if possible.
Knowledge without experience is mere philosophy. it’s intellect.
Knowledge comes from other people’s experiences. Experiencing it yourself however…..is life-changing.
Find something, learn something and do something that looks exciting.
This results in thoughts of excitement which automatically make you think about your phone less.
Not only that…you are incentivized to leave your phone alone.
You are less receptive to your devices’ jealous behavior.
There is a zillion of things to think about.
When you are aware or focus on one thing whether that is someone or something, then all the other zillion topics don’t experience that privilege.
The question is where is your awareness most of the time?
We differentiate ourselves from animals in many ways. One of them is the presence of awareness.
Dogs are constantly reactive. They don’t really think about their actions. They just do.
We people have freedom of choice.
We can witness what our mind wants us to do, and then decide not to do it.
Our smartphones demand our awareness all the time. So much, that we pretty much have become reactive.
A chirp, vibration, sound, ping: enough for our phone to have our awareness exactly where it wants it to be.
Most people allow technology to control where their awareness goes into their mind.
This is a shame, since how can we really build, work, maintain and improve our lives, if our awareness can’t be dedicated to exactly that for a respectable amount of time without interruptions?
We don’t really move forward.
As soon as we control where awareness goes we control where energy flows. As soon as we control where energy is flowing we control what is manifesting in our life.
Break down the reasons why you use a social media app.
One of the reasons is probably to stay in touch with your friends, colleagues, family etc.
One way to reduce your social media use, is to do the majority of the communication on your IM apps.
Instant Messaging apps like WhatsApp offer a better environment to speak individually (and in groups) with others.
There are fewer distractions thrown at you when using IM apps.
Personally, I find the communication experience better on an IM app than on social media.
If you use Facebook primarily to communicate with others on an individual level, start using the Facebook Messenger app only and remove the Facebook app.
We’re bound to face challenging tasks when we work on something to create a better life for ourselves.
In those moments, our mind likes to find substitute tasks that you can do, following up with creating the following thought:
“just do this small thing and ONLY then you’re REALLY going to give that important task your very best!”
Then….when you’re taking on that important task and you can’t find any momentum or creativity to go in deep, more of above mentioned thought wants to pop up.
This can get worse when we have to begin a project. It can be hard to enter the flow when working on an existing project….
Beginning a project however…..entering the flow connected to a new project for the first time…..that gives your mind plenty of opportunities to distract you as well.
Your mind won’t directly say that it’s much better to distract yourself, but converts this idea in thoughts that make you think:
“It can’t hurt, let me just do this thing and it’s done and dusted. Then I can really focus all my energy on that project.”
You want to train your mind to not give in when it wants to escape from the important task at hand.
Why not anticipate that your mind will play such tricks on you?
Remember those days when we wrote BRB?
For the youngsters who may not know what this abbreviation means: BRB stands for Be Right Back.
Back in the day we used the internet to communicate with others, but it was not on us 24/7.
When he had to go eat, internet had to watch us leave our rooms.
When we had to go to the toilet, the computer didn’t move an inch.
When he had to go outside, we had to say to the internet and the digital world: adios.
Now the internet is always with us.
The digital world can every single second call out your name.
We never say BRB anymore to our friends, we are always available. Always.
If that doesn’t sound like a fact that serves our future selves, you are right.
You’re not just 24/7 available to your friends…but to the entire world.
Dad, mom, son, daughter: all in the same room but individually immersed in their own screens.
Who hasn’t experienced this situation. In many living rooms this is a daily happening.
Family members check their device when a specific task or event has finished such as eating a meal, or someone receives a notification for example.
It happens. It’s okay.
Do you notice that moment though?
That moment when everyone is busy with their aluminum companion in their own world?
It can be funny to witness this situation, but again: it’s fine!
For how long though is everyone individually using their screens?
Is it just for a few minutes, or are complete evenings “wasted” this way?
We communicate to people by ourselves. We watch series by ourselves. We game by ourselves.
Social Media can be good while it can also be bad. It’s not neutral though.
If you don’t watch out, social media will make you stay online for a long time…
That’s why you want to understand carefully why exactly you are using social media.
Some pros are communicating with people around the world, sharing important updates quickly with your inner circle, and exposure.
It’s that last reason why you see me daily on YouTube. Not only on YouTube but also on Instagram and Twitter.
We have a voice, and if we use social media wisely, we can amplify that voice.
The choice is yours, is your voice going to be an empowering one that has a positive effect on the world, or is it a voice that others simply expect to hear, meaning without any authenticity?
Own your individuality and understand that the internet remembers.
Although we complain about our phones (a lot or occasionally), it’s a fact that we keep using them.
Although your phone has many ways to take away your awareness of something or someone that has nothing to do with your phone, there are some features you want to be aware of.
One of those features is Raise to Wake. A very simple feature. Totally unnecessary.
Learn what it does and how to disable it on your iPhone.
Although I only explain how to disable Raise to Wake on an iPhone, Android phones contain this feature as well.
Do we use our screens a lot during the pandemic? Not really a relevant question. The question is probably yes.
Not a surprise though. We are surrounded by our screens at home. Our phones, tablets, and televisions have a blast, they know we are receptive to any trigger they may throw at us. We often obey. Distractions are all around us.
Now that we’ve established that yes we use our screens a lot, let’s focus on a different question regarding our screen use.
When we face adversity, many would succumb to victim mode. It gives us the opportunity to tell ourselves that life is hard, that we should remain careful, stay small, and that we should take no risks.
The corona pandemic is huge and will forever change our lives in my opinion. Not because I think we have to stay in our homes forever, but because it makes us realize we should be super conscious of how we live our lives.
For many of us, this will change the way we live our day to day lives.
The corona pandemic defined the year 2020 forever. Not in a million years I would expect to experience 2020 the way I’m experiencing it now. I know, I am not the only one.
Since there is nothing we can do at this very moment except for staying safe and implementing social distance, we might as well make the best out of this unique situation.
We are using our phones a lot more now. We have (a bit) more time now. Let’s ask ourselves how we can use this pandemic as fuel for our growth.
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We want to reduce screen time, some of us are desperate and will do anything to stop wasting time on social media and smartphones.
But…. we want to keep our phone.
Yes, there are many solutions to beating phone addiction such as the use of dumbphones or flip phones.
They offer many advantages such as limited notifications and apps.
However….are you ready to sacrifice all the other possibilities your current smartphone is constantly dying to show you?
Probably not. At least not many people are.
If you have more time during this pandemic and you’re home, and you’re looking for ways to control your phone use, then why not do the following:
Befriend your device. Learn about your smartphone.
Did you know for example that the iPhone is able to speak content out loud to you?
Learn about all the settings that may stop your phone from distracting you.
Learn about the privacy and security settings. There are multiple settings that can help you.
I’m not saying that this is the end all be all solution to end your compulsive behavior, but it helps.
The same strategy applies to social media.
Think about it. You spend so much time on social media and your phone. Take control, and improve your digital citizenship.
The more knowledgeable you are about devices and applications, the smarter digital citizen you become.
Know what you’re exactly dealing with.
If you’re a parent, learn about the social media apps your children are using.
Not just about all the dangers and risks, but about features and settings that improve and secure their overall experience.
How You Do One Thing is How You Do Everything, reducing your phone limit is not just an action, it's a way of living.
When I ask why are you using social media, people often have a straight answer.
- I want to stay in contact with my friends
- I want to know what’s going on in the world
- I like to keep my friends posted about my life
Okay got it, but then my next question would be: do you have a clear indication of how long you want for each why to last?
Do you really need to spend 6 hours to satisfy the reasons why you use social media?
Social media companies like to explain why you need to use their platforms, why you need an account. There are plenty of reasons, and they don’t hesitate to bombard you (subtly) with reasons to stay “a little bit” longer online.
The how however….if the emphasis would be on that question…it won’t make sense for companies to say you need 6 hours online on my platform.
That’s why the focus of their message is on why you should use social media, and not how.
Be the wise person to ask yourself how. After all, it is your time that you are exchanging for those experiences on social media.
So take control, and ask this important question to yourself:
Does “how” I use social media really match with “why” I want to use it?