Minds and Mics: Recent Episodes

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I chat with Liz Fosslien about her new book, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay. We cover topics like perfectionism vs healthy striving, the difference between envy and jealousy, burnout and the Amazon Zen Booth, revenge bedtime procrastination, and the role of personal responsibility in mental health.

Show Notes

• The dark side of “coping” with difficult feelings
• No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work
• Jealousy vs envy
• Benign vs malicious envy
• The role of personal responsibility in mental health
• The Amazon Zen Booth
• How organizations can actually help foster well-being and resilience
• The relationships between burnout and self-awareness
• Why setting boundaries is so hard (and how to make it a little easier)
• Revenge bedtime procrastination
• Emotional opportunity cost
• Perfectionism and self-kindness
• Healthy striving vs perfectionism
• The benefits of playfulness

Learn more about Liz and her work here:

• Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay (book)
• LizandMollie.com (website)

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I chat with Dr. Steve Hayes, the founder of Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT). We talk about everything from the importance of psychological flexibility and emotional tolerance to the future of psychotherapy and what to look for in a great therapist.

Show Notes

• Psychological flexibility
• Psychological rigidity
• Social anxiety and panic attacks
• Where does self-judgment and negative self-talk come from?
• The psychological function of religion and wisdom traditions
• Emotional tolerance
• 3rd wave behavior therapy, process-based therapy, and the future of psychotherapy
• What to look for in a good therapist
• 2nd wave humanistic therapy

Learn more about Steve and his work here:

• The Liberated Mind (Book)
• Steven C Hayes (website)

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In the latest episode of Minds & Mics, I chatted with Michael Bungay Stanier about his new book How to Begin: Start Doing Something That Matters and a range of topics, including the obligation we all have to be "doubly ambitious," why SMART goals aren't usually very smart, the case for working in 6-week cycles, and the genius of cartoonist Gary Larson.

Show Notes

• What makes a book useful?
• The Coaching Habit
• Being “doubly ambitious”
• How to think about overwhelm: realistic, consistent, grace
• Working in 6-week cycles
• Why Michael hates SMART goals
• Should we follow our passion?
• Relaxing into commitment
• Prizes and punishments of maintaining the status quo
• The Call of the Wild (Gary Larson)
• The value of the humble pros and cons list

Learn more about Michael and his work here:

• How to Begin: Start Doing Something That Matters (Book)
• Michael's Website

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Kai Koch is the co-founder of ahead, which is a software company and app for building emotional intelligence. We talk about the opportunities and challenges for technology in emotional health, self-awareness, emotional intelligence in organizations, and what the future of technology-assisted emotional health might look like.

Show Notes

• The unique benefits of mobile technology for emotional health
• Making self-awareness social
• Making personal growth social
• Emotional granularity
• Emotional intelligence in organizations
• The future of technology for emotional health

Learn more about Kai and his work here:

• Ahead App
• Self-Awareness Test

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Sleep psychologist Dr. Jade Wu returns to the show to talk specifically about sleep issues for new moms, including what’s normal and what should be addressed professionally, how sleep and postpartum depression interact, intrusive thoughts and anxiety, and some practical tips for new moms to get their sleep back on track.

Show Notes

• How sleep changes in pregnancy and postpartum
• Sleep deprivation vs circadian disruptions
• Types of sleep disturbances that predict postpartum depression
• Tips for minimizing sleep issues as a new parent
• How much to nap as a new mom
• What old-school pediatricians get wrong about sleep with new babies
• Parasomnias in pregnancy and postpartum
• Exploding head syndrome
• Sleep paralysis
• Postpartum anxiety
• REM rebound and nightmares
• Intrusive thoughts
• Sleep apnea and sleep-disordered breathing
• Poor sleep and postpartum depression

Learn more about Jade and her work here:

• Website: JadeWuPHD.com
• Twitter: @jadewuphd

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Jade and I chat about uncommon sleep misconceptions, how to deal with nightmares, intergenerational sleep trauma, the problem with sleep hygiene, and the message about sleep Jade wants carved on her gravestone.

Show Notes

• Uncommon sleep myths and misconceptions
• My other chat about sleep myths with Dr. Daniel Erichsen
• Better Sleep with insomnia coach Martin Reed
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I)
• Conditioned arousal
• Bed time vs rise time
• How much deep sleep do you actually need?
• What causes nightmares?
• The behavioral model of nightmares and imagery rehearsal therapy
• Parasomnias
• Sleep and social justice
• Intergenerational sleep trauma
• The problem with sleep hygiene
• Tired vs sleepy
• The message about sleep Jade wants carved on her gravestone

Learn more about Jade and her work here:

• Website: JadeWuPHD.com
• Twitter: @jadewuphd

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I talk with author Nir Eyal about the relationship between technology use and wellbeing among children, parenting in the age of social media, and the virtues of getting out of your kids’ way.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Common misconceptions about kids and technology use
• Why screen time is a pointless metric
• What’s really behind increased rates of suicide and depression among kids?
• The mental health benefits of technology
• Root vs proximate cause of technology overuse
• Psychological nutrients
• Deci and Ryan’s self-determination theory
• The importance of free play
• The Gardener and the Carpenter by Alison Gropnik
• Variable reinforcement
• Play Anything by Ian Bogost
• Mindset by Carol Dweck
• Why consistent family meals are so important
• Implementation intentions and timeboxing

You can learn more about Nir and his work here:

• NirAndFar (Wesbite)
• Indistractable: How to Control Your attention and Choose Your Life (Book)

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I talk with psychologist and author Pia Callesen about overthinking and the metacognitive approach to emotional struggles like anxiety and depression.
Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• What is overthinking, exactly?
• Types of overthinking
• The 2 reasons why we overthink
• The difference between anxious and depressive overthinking
• Overthinking as a universal mechanism for emotional suffering
• Scheduled overthinking
• Metacognitive Therapy vs traditional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
• Metacognitive Therapy vs Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• The busy train station metaphor
• The windowpane experiment
• The problem with coping skills
• How will psychotherapy be different in 50 years?

You can learn more about Pia and her work here:

• Pia’s website
• Pia’s book: Live More Think Less: Overcoming Depression and Sadness with Metacognitive Therapy
• Pia’s article on overthinking in Psyche: How to Stop Overthinking

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I talk with my friend Rosie Sherry about how she made the news for being a "reckless" parent, her distinctive approach to unschooling her kids, authenticity and vulnerability on social media, and what it means to practice self-care as a full-time community builder and mother of five.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Unschooling
• The struggle to treat each child as they need
• How Rosie thinks about self-care
• Dealing with self-care guilt, especially as a mom
• Barriers to women and mom breaking into the world of IndieHacking
• How to encourage communities to be more vulnerable
• Surprising things Rosie as a creator struggles with
• Encouraging authenticity over cleverness on social media
• Rosie’s advice to follow visions and missions, not people

You can learn more about Rosie and her work here:

• Rosieland
• Rosie on Twitter

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I talk with Jay Clouse, the creator and host of one of my favorite podcasts, Creative Elements. Jay and I get into the details of creative overwhelm and burnout and how Jay manages it.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• What does overwhelm actually look like for Jay?
• Hard works as a response to feeling overwhelmed
• Respect for deadlines as a core part of Jay’s identity
• Jay’s approach to “de-scoping” his schedule and task list to combat overwhelm
• Underestimating the maintenance cost of evergreen products
• The investment banker and the fisherman
• How does Jay think about work-life balance and what enough looks like?
• Why it’s so hard to say no and let go?
• Cultural pressure to keep doing more and never let go
• How Jay thinks about self-care and what it looks like when the “red light” is flashing.
• What it looks like to really show up emotionally for important people in his life.
• Has being a podcaster and community builder made Jay a better listener in his personal life?
• Jays biggest insecurity as a creator

You can learn more about Jay and his work here:

• JayClouse.com (website)
• Creative Elements (podcast)
• Podcast Like the Pros (course)
• Upside (podcast)

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Oliver Burkeman joins me to talk about the problem with the narrow concept of time management and how we mere mortals ought to think about managing our time instead.
Show Notes

• Time management for 4-year-olds
• The narrow vs broad meaning of time management
• The importance trap and the temptation to “clear the decks”
• Anti-skills, negative capability, and the superpower that is emotional tolerance
• The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking
• Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic
• The relationship between expectations and control
• David Kane’s Raptitude
• Weirdly modern conceptions of time
• Meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein
• Are all expectations unhealthy?
• Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
• The case for wasting time and atelic activities
• Oliver’s to-do list recommendations
• Cal Newport’s Deep Work
• James Hollis’ Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life
• Susan Jeffers' Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway and Embracing Uncertainty
• What’s wrong with the self-help genre?
• The wounded healer
• Jesse Singal and cranky self-help
• David Brook’s The Second Mountain
• Marilynne Robinson
• “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?”
• Douglas Harding’s On Having No Head
• Seneca’s On the Shortness of Life
• Mary Oliver: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Learn more about Oliver and his work here:

• Oliver’s book: Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals
• Oliver’s website and (excellent) weekly newsletter: OliverBurkeman.com

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Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist as well as the host of the popular YouTube channel, Therapy in a Nutshell. In today's episode, Emma and I talk about emotional processing and the most important ideas and skills we can learn to manage painful feelings in a healthy and productive way.

Show Notes

• What is emotional processing?
• Why is emotional processing important?
• Wilderness therapy
• Why is it so hard to talk about our feelings?
• Primary vs secondary emotions
• Basic emotional processing skills
• Feeling emotions in our bodies
• Emotional check-ins
• Intellectualizing emotions
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• The importance of willingness
• Big Magic and the Fear Monster by Liz Gilbert
• Values-based decision-making
• The meaning of emotions
• Emotional confusion

Learn more about Emma and her work here:

• Therapy in a Nutshell (YouTube)
• Website

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Dr. Christian Jarrett joins me on the show to discuss the science of personality change and to what extent we can deliberately modify our own personality.

Show Notes

• What is personality, exactly?
• The Big 5 Theory of Personality
• What makes a personality theory valid?
• How writing a book changed how Christian sees personality
• What are the mechanisms of significant personality shifts?
• Personality adaptability
• Neuroticism
• Are certain personality traits good or bad? Healthy or pathological?
• The most underrated principle for effective personality change
• Are we really the average of the five people we spend the most time around?
• The Michelangelo Effect
• Order effects in personality change: Inside out or outside in?

Learn more about Christian and his work here:

• PsychologyWriter.org.uk (Personal Website)
• Twitter
• Psyche Magazine

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In this episode of Minds & Mics, I talk with Martin Reed, a health coach who specializes in helping clients with insomnia and sleep issues.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Martin’s own struggles with insomnia and how they led him to become an insomnia educator and coach
• Coaching vs therapy for insomnia and sleep issues
• The dangers of insomnia “communities”
• Similarities in what causes insomnia
• What makes a case of insomnia “extreme”?
• Sleep trauma
• The one thing Martin wishes people would do for better sleep health
• Misguided cultural messages around sleep
• The future of sleep health
• Something Martin’s changed his mind about recently about sleep and insomnia
• How Martin deals with occasional bouts of poor sleep

You can learn more about Martin and his work here:

• InsomniaCoach.com (Website)
• Martin on YouTube
• Martin on Twitter

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In this episode of Minds and Mics, I talk with Melody Wilding, a leadership and executive coach who specializes in helping sensitive high-achievers who are tired of getting in their own way, including struggling with imposter syndrome.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Sensitive strivers
• The big 5 personality traits
• Dr. Elaine Aron and the highly sensitive person
• Is “fake it ‘till you make it” good advice?
• Imposter syndrome
  • How can parents help their kids avoid developing imposter syndrome?
  • How can you get better and genuinely accepting praise and compliments?
  • How do I know if imposter syndrome is something I can work through on my own or if it’s something I should get professional help for?
  • How does company culture influence imposter syndrome?
  • How can we build resilience against imposter syndrome?
• Is it a good idea to follow your intuition and your trust your gut?
• Is it better to focus on changing your beliefs or your actions?
• Should we simply accept negative thoughts and painful feelings or try to examine them?

You can learn more about Melody and her work here:

• MelodyWilding.com (website)
• Trust Yourself (book)

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Science journalist Jesse Singal joins me on the show to talk about the dangers of fad psychology, including myths and misconceptions about positive psychology, the self-esteem movement, deceptive media coverage of popular behavioral science research, the replication crisis in academic psychology, and more.
Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Jonathan Haidt and moral foundations theory
• Misleading statistics and external validity
• The problems with self-esteem and the self-esteem movement
• Self-efficacy vs Self-esteem
• Carol Dweck and growth mindset
• Effect size in research
• Martin Seligman Positive Psychology
• Preventative mental health
• Opportunity cost in mental health
• Structural factors impacting mental health
• Grit
• Comprehensive Soldier Fitness
• The replication crisis in psychology
• The file drawer effect
• Falsification
• 10% Happier by Dan Harris
• Positive Thinking for People Who had Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman

You can learn more about Jesse and his work here:

• The Quick Fix: Why Fad Psychology Can’t Cure Our Social Ills (Book)
• JesseSingal.substack.com (Newsletter)
• Blocked and Reported (Podcast)

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Designer and author Fred Dust joins me on the show to discuss how we can use principles from design to have better, more impactful conversations.

Show Notes

• The distinctiveness of podcast conversations
• Mission-driven vs exploration-driven conversations
• The 3 ways conversations get derailed
• The usefulness of constraints in conversation
• Adjusting the speed of conversations
• The benefits of rehearsing hard conversations
• Overcoming self-consciousness in conversation
• Wearing jeans in the White House
• Environmental design
• Behavioral experiments
• Active listening vs creative listening
• Illuminations
• Dealing with being triggered
• Self conversation

You can learn more about Fred and his book at his website: MakingConversation.com

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Nick chats with Herbert Lui about practical ways to exercise your creativity.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Misconceptions about creativity
• The creative process
• Nature vs nurture in creativity
• Quality vs quantity in creativity
• How to get started being more creative?
• Creative blocks
• Fear of being judged
• Creativity and community
• Constructive vs destructive comparisons
• Why constraints are helpful for creativity
• Is quitting important for creativity?

You can learn more about Herbert and his work here:

• HerbertLui.net

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Caitlin Faas returns to the show to talk about life coaching—what it is, how it works, how it helps, and common misconceptions.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• How Caitlin went from tenured professor to life coach
• Objections to life coaching:
  1. Life coaching isn’t legit…
  2. If you think you need a life coach, what you really need is a therapist
  3. There’s nothing you can get from a life coach that you can’t get from a good friend
  4. Life coaches are just snake-oil salesman out to make a quick buck off of vulnerable people
  5. Life coaching is too “woo-woo” or new-agey
• How to find a life coach who’s a good fit for you
• How to know if you need a life coach or a therapist
• The dangers of using family and friends as your emotional support person
• Can you do coaching and therapy at the same time?
• How much does life coaching cost?
• How often will I meet with a life coach?
• What does a life coaching session look like?
• Where to find a life coach?
• Is there specific credentialing I should look for with a life coach?

You can learn more about Caitlin and her work here:

• DrCaitlinFaas.com

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Lodro Rinzler returns to the show to talk about how a Buddhist perspective on anxiety can help us through difficult times.

Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• Focusing on stories vs anxiety itself
• The parable of the second arrow
• Anxiety vs worry vs stress
• The Three Vajras: Body, Speech, and Mind
• Is the popularity of mindfulness a good thing?
• Should we try to get rid of negative thinking?
• Expressing anxiety vs complaining about it
• How to handle other people’s anxiety well
• Gentle inquisitiveness
• “You are not your anxiety”

You can learn more about Lodro and his work here:

• LodroRinzler.com
• Take Back Your Mind: Buddhist Advice for Anxious Times (Book)

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Dr. Sarah Sarkis joins me on the show to talk about the adaptive unconscious, self-sabotaging behavior, attachment patterns, and therapy vs performance coaching.

Show Notes
Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:

• The adaptive unconscious
• Defense mechanisms
• Self-sabotage
• Improving self-awareness
• Developing an observing ego
• Attachment patterns
• Compensation and replication of attachment dynamics
• Emotional masking
• Using emotional pain as motivation
• Is it the crime or the cover-up?
• Psychological flexibility
• Therapy vs coaching
• Flow Research Collective

You can learn more about Sarah and her work at her website: DrSarahSarkis.com

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Dr. Margaret Rutherford joins me on the show to talk about perfectly hidden depression, perfectionism, and the challenges of emotional vulnerability.
Show Notes

Here are some of the highlights from the conversations:

• Constructive vs destructive perfectionism
• Appetitive vs aversive motivation
• Trauma, childhood strategies, and the origins of perfectionism
• "Smiling depression"
• Emotional vulnerability
  • Brene Brown — The Gifts of Imperfection
  • Terrence Real — I Don’t Want to Talk About It
• Perfectly hidden depression
• Rigid positivity
• Classic depression vs perfectly hidden depression
• Insight vs action
• How not help someone else who struggles with perfectly hidden depression
• Should more therapists be bloggers and podcasters?

You can learn more about Margaret and her work here:

• DrMargaretRutherford.com (Website)
• Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression (Book)

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Nick talks to professional mediator Dr. Adar Cohen about how we can have difficult conversations more effectively.

Here are some of the highlights from the conversations:

• The Farsi concept of Taroff
• The psychology behind conflict avoidance
• The 3 main outcomes of difficult conversations: 1) Solution, 2) Plan, 3) Understanding
• Achieving deep understanding in conversations
• The elements of effective listening
• Open-ended questions vs. litigious questions
• The importance of uncovering “gem statements"
• How to prepare in advance for difficult conversations
• How to handle defensiveness in difficult conversations
• The importance of silence in difficult conversations
• How to be a good mediator for other people

You can learn more about Adar and his work here:

• AdarCohen.com (Website)
• Adar on Twitter
• 3 Ways to lead tough, unavoidable conversations (TED Talk Video)
• How to have Difficult Conversations (Article)

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In this episode, I talk with author, professor, and writing coach Uddipana Goswami about her practice of Life Writing and how it helped her to process emotional struggles in her life.

You can learn more about Uddipana and her work on her personal website.

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Tim Stoddart joins me on the show to talk about his journey out of addiction and into entrepreneurship—and how blogging played a pivotal role.

You can learn more about Tim and his work on his personal site TimStodz.com

Links and items of note from this episode:

• Seth Godin
• Sober Nation
• Copyblogger
• Stodzy Internet Marketing

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Getting clarity about how to make a career transition with Lisa Lewis.

Show Notes:

• How Lisa became a career transition expert
• What leads to career dissatisfaction?
• The four pillars of career fulfillment
• Testing career hypotheses
• Executing on a new career strategy
• Courage vs confidence

You can learn more about Lisa and her work here:

• Lisa Lewis (Website)
• Career Clarity (Book)

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Lodro Rinzler is an experienced meditation teacher and the author of many books, including my favorite book about meditation, Sit Like a Buddha: A Pocket Guide to Meditation. In today's episode, I chat with Lodro about how to think differently about meditation, some of the unexpected benefits of meditating, and what you need to know to get a consistent meditation practice off the ground.

Show Notes

• How he writes so damn much (1:00)
• Tea and Cake with Demons (1:50)
• Lodro’s favorite ways that meditation has changed him (3:30)
• Conscious vs Unconscious intention (6:40)
• What is meditation, exactly? (9:30)
• Meditation and judgmentalness (14:15)
• Mindfulness vs awareness (20:00)
• Meditation and managing emotions well (22:30)
• Meditation, anxiety, and the second arrow (27:20)
• How to stay consistent with your meditation practice (34:30)

You can learn more about Lodro and his work here:

• Website
• Sit Like a Buddha: A Pocket Guide to Meditation (Book)
• Twitter

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Scott Young is a prolific writer and thinker best known for his concept of ultralearning. In today's episode, I pick Scott's brain about what ultralearning actually is and the many psychological benefits that come with it.

Show Notes

• The MIT Challenge
• The Year without English (6:00)
• The 30-Day Portrait Drawing Challenge (11:00)
• What is ultralearning? (18:00)
• Ultralearning and deep satisfaction (21:00)
• Ultralearning and the expansion of personal possibility (27:00)
• Ultralearning and curiosity (37:00)
• Ultralearning and self-confidence (40:00)
• The relationship between ultralearning and Deep Work (47:00)
• Scott’s advice on a first ultralearning project (50:30)

You can learn more about Scott and his work here:

• ScottHYoung.com (Website)
• Ultralearning (Book)

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Child psychologist Kristen Ohlenforst comes on the show to discuss childhood anxiety, followed up by a no-holds-barred round-robin between Nick and Kristen recounting their own "embarrassing blunders" and "tricks of the trade" as psychologist-parents.

Show Notes

• How Kristen became interested in psychology (1:24)
• Talk Therapy vs Play Therapy for kids (12:58)
• Common misconceptions about childhood anxiety (19:10)
• Normal childhood anxiety vs clinically significant anxiety (22:30)
• Common types of childhood anxiety (28:14)
• To what extent are parents involved in their child’s therapy (30:15)
• What to look for in a good child therapist (33:48)
• Embarrassing Blunders & Tricks of the Trade
  • Kristen’s 1st Embarrassing Parenting Blunder (40:05)
  • Nick’s 1st Embarrassing Parenting Blunder (43:28)
  • Kristen’s 1st Tricks of the Trade (46:50)
  • Nick’s 1st Tricks of the Trade (50:10)
  • Kristen’s 2nd Embarrassing Parenting Blunder (54:00)
  • Nick’s 2nd Embarrassing Parenting Blunder (57:48)
  • Kristen’s 2nd Tricks of the Trade (60:45)
  • Nick’s 2nd Tricks of the Trade (64:30)
• Kristen and Nick’s picks for historical figures from psychology they would least and most like to have dinner with (68:30)
• Kristen’s 2 parenting book recommendations (71:35)
• Kristen’s book Moose the Worry Mutt (73:45)

You can learn more about Kristen and her work here:

• Therapy Dallas (Website)

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Philosopher Alexus McLeod comes on the show to discuss ancient Chinese philosophy and what it can tell us about alternative approaches to mental health today.

Show Notes

• Mental health in ancient Chinese philosophy
• Eastern vs Western approaches to philosophy
• Alexus’s Essay in Aeon (12:00)
• Communal approaches to personhood (13:00)
• Character and community (19:30)
• Stoicism and Buddhism (23:20)
• Can society cause mental illness? (25:00)
• Harmony and mental health (39:50)
• Individuality, alienation, and mental health (44:00)
• Questioning cultural assumptions productively (49:40)
• Community innovation and mental health (55:00)

You can learn more about Alexus and his work here:

• Website

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Psychiatrist Brian Wu comes on the show to discuss how to think about psychiatric medication.

Show Notes

• Psychiatrists vs psychologists
• The most important factor when choosing a psychiatrist (17:00)
• What is psychiatric medication, exactly? (18:52)
• The most common psychiatric medications (20:00)
• Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (26:00)
• Benzodiazepines (29:00)
• Getting prescribed psychiatric medication by non-psychiatrists (32:00)
• Children and psychiatric medication (35:00)
• Working with a psychiatrist vs a psychologist (38:00)
• How to know if your medication is working? (39:50)
• Getting off psychiatric medications (43:00)
• Can we really trust psychiatric medications? (48:20)

You can learn more about Brian and his work here:

• Website

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Piers Steel, one of the world's leading researchers on the science of procrastination, explains how to think about procrastination, what really causes it, and the changes we can make to do it a little less.

Show Notes

• Meta-analysis
• David Hume, An Inquiry Concerning Human Understanding
• The four factors in procrastination:
  1. Values
  2. Self-confidence
  3. Impulsiveness
  4. Reward delay
• Task aversiveness
• Subjective Expected Utility Theory
• The Procrastination Equation
• The Marshmallow Test
• Steven Covey
• Aldus Huxely, Brave New World Revisited
• Roy Baumeister and willpower research
• Presatiation
• Drive Theory
• Learned Helplessness
• SMART Goals
• The Attention Economy
• Procrastination vs Laziness
• How to help kids with procrastination

You can learn more about Piers and his work here:

• Procrastinus (Website)
• The Procrastination Equation (Book)

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Clinical psychologist and marriage therapist Sam Hamburg joins Nick to discuss common myths and misconceptions about happy marriages, communication in relationships, and the advice all newlyweds should get but never do.

Show Notes

• Why communication is never really the problem
• Why commitment is no guarantee of happiness
• The myth of hard work in marriage
• Why compatibility is the secret to a happy marriage
• The 3 dimensions of compatibility
  • Practical Dimension
    • Gender roles
    • Money and finances
    • Maintenance
    • Leisure time
    • Family boundaries and privacy
  • Wavelength Dimension
    • Shared values
    • Spiritual orientation
    • Sense of justice
    • Shared primary concern (kids, careers, hobbies)
  • Sexual Dimension
    • Sexual preoccupation
    • Comfort with sexuality
    • Sexual style
• Thinking systematically about marriage
• The romantic phase of love
• The mechanics of a happy marriage
  • Don’t leave your sex life to chance
  • Maintain your wall of privacy
  • Childproof your sexual relationship (and the rest of your relationship)
  • Have rachmones with your spouse

You can learn more about Sam and his work here:

• Website
• Will Our Love Last (Book)
• The Newlyweds Book

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Psychologist and researcher Yvonne Barnes-Holmes joins Nick to discuss the role of language in mental health and human suffering, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and the state of psychotherapy in the 21st century.

Show Notes

• The power of language for mental health and suffering
• Thought-Identity Fusion
• Learning histories and narrative habits
• Reading and social perspective-taking
• The Cat in the Hat
• False belief
• Does reading novels lead to psychological flexibility?
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Meta-Cognitive Therapy (MCT)
• Relational Frame Theory (RFT)
• Functional Analysis
• Behaviorism
• Cognitive Revolution
• B.F. Skinner
• IatrogenicsYou can learn more about Yvonne and her work here:
• Website

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Caitlin Faas, a professor of human development and life coach, joins Nick to discuss the psychology of overeating.

Show Notes

• The Life Coach School
• “Overeating” vs “weight loss”
• Eating as a way to push down difficult feelings
• How long do emotions really last?
• Patterns of emotional eating
• Managing urges
• Intentional vs automatic thoughts
• Curiosity and “I wonder…” statements
• Indulgent feelings
• System 1 and System 2 thinking
• Why relying on willpower usually backfires
• Shaping desire
• Real joy vs false pleasures
• Is “Listen to your body” really good advice?
• Relationship between stress and weight loss
• Relationship between food and mood
• Body positivity

You can learn more about Caitlin and her work here:

• Website
• Twitter

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Gregg Krech, an expert in a form of Japanese psychology called Morita Therapy, discusses how to think differently about the role of emotions in mental health and the surprising power of taking action to improve things like anxiety, procrastination, and depression.

Show Notes

• The relationship between feeling and action
• Morita therapy
• Feeling-centered vs purpose-centered lifestyle
• Coexisting with unpleasant feelings without acting on them
• Cultural difference in our understanding of emotions
• Acceptance of emotions
• Content of emotions vs your relationship with your emotions
• Zen meditation and the nature of emotions
• Working on feelings vs accepting them
• Acceptance, attachment, and suffering
• Non-resistance
• Self-focused attention
• Iatrogenics in psychotherapy
• Performance anxiety
• The Inner Game of Tennis by W. Timothy Gallwey
• Soren Kierkegaard
• Anxiety and intelligence
• Procrastination
• Michael Singer and The Untethered Soul

You can learn more about Gregg and his work here:

• Thirty Thousand Days (website)
• The To-Do Institute (website)
• The Art of Taking Action (book)

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Neuroscience researcher and author Brian Pennie reflects on his 15-year addiction to heroin and how he managed to not only survive those harrowing years but to come out of it and build a life he loves.

Show Notes

• Anxiety and addiction
• "The opposite of addiction is connection." Johann Hari
• Awareness is the opposite of addiction
• Awareness by Anthony DeMelo
• Storytelling and “the grand self-deception”
• The relationship between self-awareness, self-belief, and self-deception
• Where does self-belief come from?
• The importance of friendship and vulnerability
• Surrender and peace of mind
• Relational Frame Theory and the connection between language and emotion
• The relationship between addiction and values (or the lack of values)
• Curiosity as the key to recovery and thriving
• Positive addictions
• Transforming desire
• Surviving vs thriving
• Brian’s Dr. Dolittle Story
• The importance of playfulness and humor

You can learn more about Brian and his work here:

• Website
• Bonus Time (Book)
• Social Media: Twitter | LinkedIn | Medium

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Dr. Randy Paterson guides us through the ins and outs of assertive communication, explaining why it's essential for healthy, happy relationships in work, love, and life.

Show Notes

• What is assertiveness?
• Common misconceptions about assertiveness
• The 4 styles of communication
• The benefits of becoming more assertive
• The barriers to being assertive: the stress barrier; the social barrier; the belief barrier
• Why it’s so hard to ask for what you really want
• Demanding what we want vs informing people of what we want
• DESO scripts
• Why it’s hard to say no to what you don’t want
• How to handle confrontation well
• Strategies for constructive confrontation, especially how to find common ground
• Are we responsible for other people’s feelings?
• Beyond assertive communication: taking responsibility for your own life

You can learn more about Randy and his work here:

• Personal Website
• YouTube Channel
• The Assertiveness Workbook (book)
• How to Be Miserable (book)
• How to Be Miserable in Your 20s (book)

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Nick and Daniel trade off describing their favorite myths and misconceptions about insomnia and sleep.

Show Notes:

• Does everyone need 8 hours of sleep per night?
• Should I go to bed at the same time every night?
• The crucial difference between feeling tired and feeling sleepy
• If I’m not getting 8 hours of sleep, am I at risk for major health issues?
• Do I need to avoid blue light before bed?
• Do things cause insomnia or beliefs about things? See also: Nick's Complete Guide to Insomnia
• The problem with sleep hygiene
• Sleep is more about what you don’t do than what you do.
• Sleep effort and the perfect metaphor for insomnia
• Is it important to get an even number of sleep cycles?
• Beware the Sleep Hygiene Industrial Complex
• If I have a big day coming up, should I get into bed early?
• Can I pay off my long-term sleep debt?
• How important is it to understand what caused my insomnia?
• Triggering factors vs maintaining factors in insomnia
• Insomnia and threat-monitoring
• Is insomnia even a sleep disorder?
• Does sleep quality deteriorate with age?
• Should I avoid exercise in the evenings?
• Intention is everything when it comes to sleep.

You can follow Daniel Erichsen online in the following places:

• Podcast
• YouTube
• Twitter

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Nick and Traci separate myth from reality on the topic of hypnosis and discuss what clinical hypnosis can actually be useful for.

Show Notes:

• Common misconceptions about hypnosis
• What is hypnosis, exactly?
• Hypnosis vs Positive Visualization, Flow, and Mindfulness
• What does hypnosis actually feel like?
• What is a hypnotic trance?
• Everyday trances
• For Love of the Game
• Suggestibility
• Hypnosis and healthy behavior change
• What is hypnosis especially useful for?
• Hypnosis for smoking cessation
• Nick’s unconscious self-hypnotic inductions
• Hypnobirthing
• Self-hypnosis
• Holly Forester-Miller — Surgery video (a bit graphic!)
• Self-hypnosis for confidence and public speaking
• American Society of Clinical Hypnosis
• Traci Stein’s self-hypnosis audio programs

You can follow Traci online here:

• Website
• Twitter
• Facebook
• Instagram
• Insight Timer App

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Nick and Tom discuss different ways of thinking about addiction and why it matters for tackling one of the world's most important challenges.

Show Notes:

• Common misconceptions about addiction
• The 3 fundamental addictive behaviors
• Are addicts fundamentally different than non-addicts?
• Is addiction a habit?
• Addiction, loss of control, and the gun-to-the-head test
• How important is self-control and willpower in overcoming addiction?
• Cravings, Urge Surfing (Alan Marlatt), and Confidence
• Transforming desire
• Addiction as a relationship, not a thing (Stanton Peele, Love and Addiction)
• Should we legalize and/or decriminalize recreational drugs?
• The world’s first self-help books (Nichomachean Ethics)
• Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies professionally vetted self-help books
• Addictive personalities
• Positive addictions
• Slips vs relapses and why the distinction matters
• The opposite of addiction is connection (John Hari)
• St. John’s College
• How to help someone who’s struggling with addiction
• Smart Recovery
• Beyond Addiction
• Practical Recovery

You can follow Tom and learn more about his work here:

• Website
• Book: Sex, Drugs, Gambling, and Chocolate: A Workbook for Overcoming Addictions

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Nick and Daron discuss what mindfulness is exactly and how to incorporate more mindfulness into your own life (without sitting on a yoga mat repeating a mantra for hours).

Show Notes:

• What is mindfulness?
• The trappings of mindfulness
• Mindfulness as exercise for your attention
• Mindfulness vs mindfulness meditation
• Formal vs ordinary mindfulness
• Mindfulness as attention management
• Giuseppe's Italian restaurant Columbus Ohio
• Are mindfulness apps overrated?
• Daron’s personal mindfulness practice
• Shinzen Young
• Daron's approach to attentional cross-training
• Obstacles to starting a mindfulness practice
• The two muscles of mindfulness
• “Mindfulness is a no-lose game that feels like a no-win game.”
• The spiritual aspects of mindfulness

You can follow Daron Larson here:

• Website
• Twitter

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