Good Grief with Cheryl Jones: Recent Episodes
Cheryl Jones
On Good Grief we explore the losses that define our lives. Each week, we talk with people who have transformed themselves through the profound act of grieving. Why settle for surviving? Say yes to the many experiences that embody loss! Grief can teach you where your strengths are, and ignite your courage. It can heighten your awareness of what is important to you and help you let go of what is not.brbr On Good Grief, we are inspired by people who have made something miraculous out of their deepest heartaches! We listen as they share how they have walked through their own exquisite pain and what they have gained as a result. We come away ready to follow our own dreams to a deeper, more meaningful time on this beautiful earth! Listen for Good Grief, broadcast live every Wednesday at 2 PM Pacific Time on the VoiceAmerica Health and Wellness Channel.
Nothing prepares a mother for hearing that their child is transgender. Along with protectiveness and confusion comes the stunning fact that the picture you had of your child must die and a new one take its place. Paria Hassouri faced this process when her child let her know she was a girl at 14. How did she not know? How would she protect her? How would they navigate the change; in their family, and in the world? Answering these questions would change all of them and deepen their love in ways they couldn't have predicted. This week, we'll talk with Paria about what she found during her child's transition.
In these divided times, I am rebroadcasting an example of connecting beyond division. Across the great divide in America, city dwellers and the nation's farmers often fail to understand each other. Marie Mutsuki Mockett set out to close the gap, going back to the place in Nebraska where her family owns a farm and listening with her whole heart to the many of the men and women who raise the food that keeps all of us alive; midwest rural America. She travelled to seven states to participate with them in harvest. In the process, her ideas, assumptions and beliefs were challenged, leaving an indelible mark on her heart and mind. When we are able to truly listen to each other, how does it affect our view of the world? Does it lead to greater understanding and tolerance? How can we be true to ourselves while truly respecting the other person? Marie comes back from the heartland with some answers and many questions, inviting us to share with her a profound lesson in acceptance. Launching as we are all facing the effects of COVID-19, the book is timely in that it also takes a look at front line workers who help keep our food supply open.
Nichole Lee had a successful career as a business consultant, traveling the world and supporting change makers on a global level. When her mother died she continued to work just as hard, despite her grief and the global COVID pandemic isolating her in her home. Then one day she heard a whisper, in her mother's voice, telling her to quit her job! In an act of courage and wisdom, she listened, leading her to a life's calling she had never imagined. Join us to hear how she traveled the road to the life she lives today.
When Molly Peacock's husband died, poetry supported her grief. Already a published poet with several books, she captured her experience of grief, navigating the twists and turns through creative expression. Some grievers rely on the skills they already have and some must learn new ways of being. But even for those of us who continue to do what we did before, the way we do those things is often profoundly changed. What changed in Molly Peacock when she faced deep loss? Join us to talk about her poetry, grief, and how we go forward without the one we love the most.
How does loss become poetry? Bill Ratner's losses lived in the depths of his soul and over time, found expression. Creativity can help us to move grief through us, transforming the shape of it. What was that process for Bill? What moved him to put words to his losses? Every griever wants to be heard, but capturing grief in language is challenging. Join us to learn how Bill was able to embody his experience through his writing.
Corinne Masur's father died suddenly when she was just fourteen. When grief came into a family that had no idea how to talk about it, they mostly didn't. Corinne went on to become a psychologist, writing what she came to call a MEsearch thesis on children's grief. Turning that early, confounding loss into a life's calling, she supports families struggling with the same difficult questions her family faced. Author of two outstanding books on children's grief, Corinne joins us to share her wisdom on how to support children in loss of all kinds.
If you grow up, as Julie Fingersh did, convinced you shouldn't share the family secrets, that all that messy stuff is private, how do you cope when those secrets begin to undermine your life? How do you come to terms with being unable to contain them any more? In facing up to the truth of the challenges faced by her family; mental health and chronic illnesses, loss and difficulty, Julie found that finally sharing those secrets gave her a way forward. Her memoir, Stay: A Story of Family, Love and Other Traumas, pulls back the curtain on her family secrets, kept locked away for so long. Join us as we talk about what finally led her to open up and share her story. And what did that lead to?
Charles Bock's wife always wanted to be a mother and, just a bit reluctantly, he agreed to have a child. But within a few years his wife died of cancer and he was now tasked with navigating parenting a very small child on his own. Ultimately determined to do the best he could, and to continue to do better, pushed him forward one tiny step at a time. Looking back on that time, what made his path nearly impossible to walk? What helped? And what did he learn about himself, that small child, and life?
After helping to get the Medical Aid in Dying Act passed in California and then supporting its implementation, Stefanie Elkin's passion for working in end of life only grew. When she left her job at Compassion and Choices she opened her own company, Be Present Care, to support end of life, especially for elders, and to open up conversations about how to navigate dying. She then began traveling far and wide to host Death Over Drafts gatherings, pairing her love of draft beer with her love of talking about death. Her passion moved forward to a life calling!
Ginelle Testa's early life with a drug dealer father and an angry mother led to just the kinds of struggles you might predict. She began the relationship with drugs and alcohol that would lead to several bottoms. She experienced anorexia and sexual assault. She looked to other people to validate her worth. Getting clean and sober was just the beginning of a long search for herself that led, over time, to true healing. Join us as we talk about what helped her to find herself amid her struggles and how she came to believe her story needed to be shared!
After losses that took her to her knees, Siobhan Asgharzadeh searched for ways to move with her grief, recognizing that loss would not end, that life comes with grief. Over time she sought to support others along the profound road of grief, becoming a death, birth and grief doula and using ancient wisdom practices to help create a more grief-informed future. In her workshops, pilgrimages and supports of grievers she has found a way that also addresses the deep losses on the planet, hoping to cultivate a renewed stewardship for our precious earth. Join us for a conversation about the grief, the work, and how we can sit with all the heartache inherent in these times.
Myra Sack and her husband Matt were very lucky. They had fallen in love with the right person, had work they were deeply committed to and had a new baby. Into the middle of their charmed life came the worst possible news; their perfect daughter had Tay-Sachs disease. She would live a very short life. A mistake in the testing they had received for Tay-Sachs blindsighted them. Reeling from the news and immersed in the question of how they could possibly live out this time, they decided they would celebrate Havi every day of her life. And every Friday they would gather friends and family in their home for Shabbirthday. They would love her and cherish her and hold her as if each Friday was both a holy shabbat and a wonderful birthday party. They had no way to imagine how they would grieve her, but they decided to live fully with her as long as they could with whoever also wanted to grace this beautiful child with their love. And with that simple promise, they found a way to put one foot after the other.
Her work as a special educator did not prepare Joanne De Simone for the news that her precious baby had severe disabilities. At first, she searched for answers to the questions that plagued her; what was her son's condition, what could she expect going forward and how would they navigate it? Over time she used what she had learned as a dancer to support her in finding the beauty with her son. It didn't look as she had imagined, but changed her in ways she came to deeply value!
When Jamie Lee SIlver's son, Ben, took his life, she dived into practices that she had been learning during his struggles with schizophrenia. Over time, she became certified in EFT tapping, a technique to heal through tapping. She moved within a year to the beach. She wrote letters to Ben and wrote replies from him too. Unconcerned about what others would think, she moved forward with deepening certainty that Ben was still with her. Also sure that she has work left before her own death, she offers what helped her to others and has raised nearly $200,000 to fund research into schizophrenia. What helped her hte most? How did she find her way to a life of purpose, AND a life of happiness?
Bridey Thelen-Heidel had a chaotic and traumatic childhood with a mother who brought dangerous men into the house and failed to protect the little girl called Bright Eyes. But Bridey was determined to face her traumas and find her way to a beautiful life. In her memoir she describes the road she took to find her way out of the chaos her mother had created. In the process, we can be inspired to imagine that each of us has that potential. Join us for our conversation about what it takes to heal.
When Jessica Fein's daughter, Dalia, was just five, she was diagnosed with a rare and degenerative disease that would shorten her life. Because it is rare, no one knew exactly how long she would live. But from that day forward Jessica lived with potential loss in the background while doing everything she could to give Dalia, and her other two children, a love-filled life. Along the way she learned that her capacity for facing hard things, and for love, was bigger than she ever imagined!
Out of her own experience with cancer, Ann Bancroft created an absorbing and compelling story about a woman who changes her life as a result of being diagnosed with metastatic disease. She finds new friends, rearranges her priorities and begins to heal the places in her life that have troubled her for years, even decades. Join us as we talk about how a life-changing event like a cancer diagnosis can bring both grief and a compelling desire to create the life we want to live!
Uncovering the hidden injuries of a life spent denying oneself is deep, painful and meaningful work. How do we find the tenderness and courage to do it well? Heather Plett peeled back the layers of her own truth and discovered it is possible. As she healed herself, she came to long for a larger healing, beyond the individual and spreading into her family, her community, her culture and the world. How do we tenderly support one another to find this deeper healing?
Meredith Burns' mother was a constant emotional presence in her life, there to offer support, advice and solace. When that began to change, Meredith, and the whole family, searched for an explanation. Was she depressed? Having a psychotic break? Less interested in supporting them? Over the years, it became obvious that there was a serious problem going on, one that all the medications that had been prescribed for her would not address. Finally, the diagnosis came; Frontotemporal Degeneration. What a terrible diagnosis to face! But knowing what was happening earlier would have saved her, and her whole family, from thinking she didn't care or that she needed a pharmacy of medications for things she didn't have. As a result of her own experience, Meredith has become an advocate for seeing the early signs of the disease and getting diagnoses as soon as possible.
A relationship with a sibling holds the keys to our upbringing. No other person knows what it was like to grow up in your family. Some siblings are close, others not, but if you have siblings, it leaves a mark. What happens when sibling dies? There has been very little work done to understand the impact of this under-attended loss. After her own sibling died, Annie Sklaver Orenstein applied all her considerable research talent into better understanding herself and other mourning siblings. The result is Almost a Sibling, a book that carries her own experiences and also those of the many people who shared their stories with her.
When Ashley Jones' daughter died, it threw her into a profound grief she didn't know the way out of. In those early times, pictures brought some comfort. As she moved through her own grief, she wanted to offer that comfort to others. She offered free photo shoots to people anticipating a loss and saw the impact it had. Over time she founded her organization, Momento, to continue to supply photo shoots while offering grief education and organizational consulting. Join us to learn how she found her way forward.
Farah Naz Rishi is Pakistani, American and Muslim. Her memoir, Sorry for the Inconvenience, deftly portrays the overlapping pressures that made it hard to find herself. We'll be talking about grief, family dynamics, tragedies and how to become yourself against the backdrop of family, community and intergenerational overlays. How did Farah learn to live her own life, with so many expectations of who she should be? And how did the difficulties force her to come to terms with her choices?
In her work encouraging healthier relationships as a way to live a happier life, Katarina Blom already knew how key connection is to happiness. Then she was chosen to be the psychologist in a television series called The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, produced by Amy Pohler. Along with an interior designer and an organizer, she supported people to deal with their stuff, leading to surprising changes in their well-being. In the process, it became evident that clearing the roadblocks in our lives, with our stuff AND with our relationships, clears the way for more joy, deeper connection and more authenticity. We'll talk about her work before the show, the filming of the episodes, and how her time with the subjects they supported strengthened her commitment to making room for it all; within community.
Ethan Sisser wanted to die in ecstasy, surrounded by music, community, beauty, but mostly, love. His wishes did not fit neatly into even the hospice paradigm but he was able to draw together a group of supporters, one of whom offered him room in his home so that Ethan's community could care for him in the way he wanted. He also found Aditi Sethi, a palliative care and hospice doctor who agreed to act as his death doula, guiding him (and all of them) along the way. The film of his final days, The Last Ecstatic Days, captures a death epitomizing love and grace, with Aditi guiding those around Ethan to support him as he navigated his final passage from brain cancer. Aditi comes to the show to share what the experience meant to her and how she has evolved her work to embody the message that we can all die in a sacred way with the right resources and a loving community.
Anticipating the joy of welcoming her first child, Lindsey Henke was completely unprepared for the shock of that child's stillbirth. Although Lindsey had been a practicing psychotherapist for a few years, she had not had that much therapy herself. Suddenly, those tools she had learned about, and therapy itself, became invaluable to her. Over time she dedicated herself to working with other people on the journey to and through parenthood as well as the grief that often accompanies life transitions. Her specialization in reproductive mental health, including guiding parents through the multifaceted terrain of infertility, perinatal loss, pregnancy after loss, and the delicate postpartum period, rely on her own experience learning how to love the child she lost.
Personal experience with grief and mental health challenges in her family led Anastasia Zadeik to write her novel, The Other Side of Nothing. The families she wriwtes about struggle to know how to support themselves and each other in all their challenges. Through a spellbinding trip across the country, they slowly find their way. What was it like for her to write it? How did she employ her family experiences to add teh details that gave the story life. And did writing the book help her to come to terms with her own experiences?
As a younger sister, Ona Gritz idolized her older sibling. But as the favored child with a disability, she could see her sister struggling. It was thirty years after the murder of her then pregnant sister, partner and baby that she was finally ready to unpack the effect of that loss and the family secrets that had become interlaced with her pain and guilt. Out of this path towars healing, Ona wrote a book; an ode to her sister and an exploration of all the hidden corners of her family. The result it Everywhere I Look, and through it we can have a conversation about the effect of traumatic loss and everything behind it.
When Dena Rueb Romero discovered a box full of letters and memorabilia in her mother's house, she furtively took it home with her. Although she knew her parents had fled the holocaust, they failed to share the details of their story, choosing instead to focus on the life they made in Hanover, New Hampshire. Diving into their story Dena learned so much about their traumas- and their triumphs. Gaining a greater understanding of their story also illuminated her own, bringing understanding of the ways they passed on their pain and resiliency along the way. A profound example of the healing power of narrative, her book also is a testament to all those who have fled persecution. We'll be talking about loss, grief, trauma across the generations and the power of truth to light our path.
What gets you through your own times of chaos? For Noah Asher, it is a deep Christian faith. Already a practicing Christian, his understanding of how that could support him as he faced prison and profound loss grounded him in his belief. It also led to his work; to support others facing times of chaos, offering the assurance that in going forward we find our deepest callings. With humor and honest sharing about his own experiences, he reinforces the idea that yes, we suffer and also yes, there is a way forward.
Have you ever imagined you were getting a handle on your loss and then been blindsided by a surprise tsunami? As Lisa Keefauver captures in the title of her new book, Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. But there are some tricks to help us navigate the turbulence. Number one, accepting that it's unpredictable. Join us for a discussion of our own losses and what they've taught us about going froward after loss. As two people who have lost spouses, we have a lot in common!
Myra Sack and her husband Matt were very lucky. They had fallen in love with the right person, had work they were deeply committed to and had a new baby. Into the middle of their charmed life came the worst possible news; their perfect daughter had Tay-Sachs disease. She would live a very short life. A mistake in the testing they had received for Tay-Sachs blindsighted them. Reeling from the news and immersed in the question of how they could possibly live out this time, they decided they would celebrate Havi every day of her life. And every Friday they would gather friends and family in their home for Shabbirthday. They would love her and cherish her and hold her as if each Friday was both a holy shabbat and a wonderful birthday party. They had no way to imagine how they would grieve her, but they decided to live fully with her as long as they could with whoever also wanted to grace this beautiful child with their love. And with that simple promise, they found a way to put one foot after the other.
Courtney Deane knows grief from the inside out, having lost both of her parents at a young age. Determined to create something beautiful out of her losses she wrote a book exploring what happiness ever after looks like after loss. She also knows first hand that happiness is not static, it can be found and then lost. Join us to talk about her book, When Happiness Ever After Fails, and the happily ever after she has created for herself.
Every body that has been lived in will eventually need to be cared for after death. What is the most earth friendly option currently available for after death care? Recompose is arguably not just the greenest but also the most careful about honoring the entire life cycle of our bodies. By composting human remains until they become soil, the planet is enriched. Partnering with land trusts when loved ones don't want the soil ensures that the cycle can always be completed. Join us to learn more about the process and the people who have pioneered it. Already available in Washington state, they anticipate expanding into other areas and licensing other providers in the near future. Knowing that we have honored the after death process contributes to a smooth transition into grief!
Have you ever noticed that after similar traumas, at similar times of life, with so much in common, some people remain traumatized indefinitely, some recover through resilience, while others transcend and grow? Although there is a certain amount of mystery and we can't accurately predict which path a given person will follow, there are ways to favor growth and meaning after trauma. In fact, most therapy involves addressing the person's traumas in order to move forward better than before. But still, understanding the way traumas affect the brain and body, what qualifies as trauma for each person, and what might make growth harder helps each of us use our understanding as a tool for change. Through examples and suggestions to encourage post-traumatic growth, Dr. Edith Shiro shares a hopeful message of positive potential in a world containing an extraordinary level of trauma. Hear how she invites her clients and those who read her book to consider something better than simple resilience.
Faced with numerous losses and feeling deep grief, Jamie Thrower could not find grief services that understood how to support a queer griever. Struggling through the feelings and inevitable difficulty of their own grief, they became intent on doing their part to save others from what they experienced. Queer Grief Club was born! As a death doula, workshop leader, writer and artist, they have made it their mission to offer safe spaces to grieve for members of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Warren Kozak thought he had prepared himself for the death of his wife. He knew he would feel sad but had no idea that he would have to invent a new Warren. In the absence of her larger than life presence, he felt unmoored and alienated. Slowly, over time, he became a new version of himself. Because he is a journalist, he chronicled every step, including the resources he accessed to understand this new territory. He met with widowers, read books, tried many things in an attempt to get a handle on the experience of losing his wife. In the end, it was only putting one food in front of the other, a step at a time, that moved him into the life he would lead going forward into the future.reinvention
Roshni Kavate and Rebecca Servoss noticed in their own grieving the lack of services to support grief, especially for people across all identities. They committed to creating a new paradigm for grief support, built on hope, joy, and the strength of the human spirit. Their organization, Marigolde, they sought to support grieving boldly, loving tenderly, and celebrating the blooming, visceral transformation that unfolds in grieving people. As two nurses trained in offering support and committed to inclusion in all their rituals, practices and writings, they are creating a vision of Revolutionary Grief Wellness!
Growing up with a father who was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer when she was seven, Laurel Braitman was taught survival skills from then on. Out of her own fears she embraced the lessons, hoping they would prevent the terrible possibility of losing her father. Of course, this isn't what happened. But Laurel would be well into her adulthood before she realized there was one key skill she hadn't learned- how to grieve. Finally mature enough to tackle her complex feelings, and unable to avoid them any longer, she set out on a hero's journey. Join us as we talk about the courage it takes to face up to our deepest fears and find a way forward.
When a horrific explosion happened in Beirut, Dalal Mawad was living nearby and felt a compelling urge to help. As a journalist she naturally searched for ways to tell the story. But what was the story? The explosion happened against the backdrop of inhumane conditions in the Middle East, a collapsing infrastructure in her country, Lebanon, and an unclear picture of what led to the terrible event. In the end, Dalal chose the tell the story through the experiences of the women affected by it; women who tried to help, women who were injured, women who lost loved ones. Through their stories and her exacting research and knowledge, we are invited into the experience of that day. Because she includes her own story, we are immersed in the dilemma faced by journalist who are are personally affected by the events they cover. In her book, All She Lost, Dalal chooses to reflect it all; her own story (which led to her moving away from the country she loves), her knowledge as a journalist who has covered the Middle East for many years, and the stories of the women who survived that day.
When Tembi Locke spent a college semester in Italy, it changed the course of her life. Meeting Saro, the man she would love and marry, filled her with joy and also challenged them both to bridge the gap between his Sicilian farm family and her Houston Texas family of civil rights activists. Over time their persistence and courage began to connect their two families. But no struggle before it could have prepared them for Saro's ten years living with cancer, his death, and Tembi's grief. Who could have predicted that Tembi would find her way forward in grief at the table of her mother-in-law, in her small home in Siciliy. Join us to talk about the road Tembi took to find her future.
After Ann Anderson Evan's beloved husband killed himself, she wondered what could have led him to such an end. He had not seemed suicidal, or deeply depressed, or haunted by demons. She imagined it must be some secret misery he didn't share even with her. She thought they had shared everything! Over time she came to believe that he was transgender. Could his belief that he could never share that part of himself have led to life being too painful to continue? It would take all the skills she had gained over a long lifetime to respond to this grief.
When a declining parent needs help, it creates a delicate balance of care and acceptance. Marsha Gray Hill thought she had found that balance, even as her mother began to show signs of dementia. But then, COVID ripped the rug out from under her, making it impossible to support her mother as she would have liked. In the end, the pandemic was what ended her mother's life. In the process, Marsha learned too much about attitudes towards elders, inadequate support structures and a lack of understanding of what it takes to be a caregiver. In sharing the story of her mother's life, she has given us a window into the lives of so many who died, and are still dying, from that terrible illness. She implores us to believe our society can do better!
Darnell Lamont Walker makes it his life's mission to seed joy everywhere he is. How do his callings intersect? He is a children's television writer, a death doula, a filmmaker. In every case he hopes to inform, encourage and uplift his audience. In the end, all he does is about supporting everyone he encounters to heal, to make room for joy and to love ourselves. Join us as we talk about how he sees his mission and all the things he does to further it!
The cause of anxiety and pain in our bodies can't be reduced to any one explanation. But in Jen Soriano's book, Nervous, she follows the threads of her own struggles to the personal, familial, cultural and intergenerational threads of her own physical pain and anxiety. Scientists are now recognizing that the traumas of our ancestors live on in us and can be felt for generations. How do we heal ourselves from all the injuries we carry. Jen makes a powerful case for the restorative properties of community building and recognition of what has happened to us and our communities. She makes a profound case for telling our stories and telling collective action. How can we begin to build a world that grieves and also heals? Join us for this powerful conversation.
Once, we were all children, incapable of protecting ourselves from the adults around us. If they were cruel and abusive, it laid tracks in us that made it hard to love and be loved, to see our own beauty and to become who we were meant to be. Wen Peetes knows this experience deeply, because it it her own. Recognizing what she needed to heal and speaking honestly about what has helped her find her way to a wonderful life led her to write Inner Child Healing. She encourages others to use the tools she has gained and to recognize that there is healing possible. What has helped her? What did she have to confront? And how does she help others to find their way?
Audrey is a fictional character who resembles her author, Gail Marlene Schwartz. They both suffer from anxiety. They have both lost friends to suicide when they were young. And they are both queer women constructing the families they dream of, with the nuanced questions that implies. In writing the book, what did Gail rely on from her own experience? Did writing it contribute to a better understanding of herself? And what does she hope readers will learn from the story?
Glenn Hileman's parents lived a love story for the ages. Their story ended together when the East Troublesome fire in Colorado took their lives and the home they had built and loved together. Their son, Glenn, needed action to go forward with his grief. He mobilized the community to begin rebuilding and wrote a book telling their story. Although true, their lives feel almost like a novel! Sometimes home is a place and sometimes, even when that place is lost it lives in the hearts of all the people connected to it! Telling their story cemented Glenn's love for his parents and continues to help him in carrying his grief. Theirs is truly a story of love and refinement.
Through his experience coming to terms with the death of both his parents by murder when he was just fourteen, Scott Stabile grew to commit to a life led by love. His commitment extended not just to forgiveness and compassion for those who perpetrate acts of violence violence or damage, but even more primarily to himself. As a strong advocate for self acceptance and love, he works tirelessly to encourage others to find a place of compassion for themselves, believing that this will lead to a greater compassion for others. He truly embodies the title of his book, Enough As You Are!
When J.J. Duncan's son died of cancer at the age of eleven, she fell into a deep grief she was unable to find her way out of. But as an executive producer and story teller, she jumped at the chance to work on The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, a series exploring the wonder of the Swedish custom. Unlike her own experience, the Swedish cast members were able to walk towards death unflinchingly and J.J. found her work on the show ultimately healing, offering her a way forward from the worst. Since then she has become a staunch advocate for a change in the story Hollywood tells about the end of life and shares at every opportunity the many ways that a true and real story can help us find our way even when we don't know where we're going!
Adoption is a loss that often lives in the shadows, both in the world and inside of adoptees. Losing everything you've ever known before there are even words to name it, when you are an absorbent, unformed human being can take a lifetime to understand. But it is only by recognizing the loss that adoptees can claim their birthright; a life of beauty and meaning. Michelle Madrid knows this territory from both directions. She is an adoptee and an adoptive mother. She dedicates herself to helping other adoptees claim all the parts of themselves, including the ones they were before they lost their first family. Join us as we talk about all sides of the an adoption and how we can all support adopted people to claim every part of themselves.
Meghan Riordan Jarvis was a therapist specializing in grief and trauma. So maybe she and her highly trained friends and colleagues recognized just a little sooner that she was in trouble. After the loss of her father then her mother, she developed severe PTSD that required in-patient care. How does a therapist navigate her own extreme trauma? What does the experience teach her about supporting other people in the same situation? And how does it change her life and perspective? Join us as explore the science and human experience of trauma- and the lessons we sometimes find at the end.
When dementia comes for someone we love, how do we maintain connection and relationship? For Suzanne Finnamore it takes accepting that her mother, in her final stage of dementia, lives in another country; Suzanne has needed to learn the customs and accept the differences. When she can accept, there is room for magic, including the magic of living as if there is no death; where everyone we ever loved is still alive. Suzanne is able to see the ways in which her mother is still herself and still vital. She is able to see the beauty of her mother's marriage and the life she built out of loss and challenge. They are able to love each other in the present moment whether all is remembered or nothing is.
Facing illness at a young age unravels every plan you had. When Jennifer Cramer-Miller was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease at 22, she had to rethink what life would look like. Through kidney transplants, dialysis and a never-ending need for medical care, Jennifer slowly learned to find the joy anyway. Refusing the be defined by illness, she nonetheless became an advocate for many other people facing what she had. Over time, she was able to claim the title to her book, Incurable Optimist and the subtitle too: Living With Illness and Chronic Hope!
Through her own losses and those of the patients she worked with as a palliative care doctor, Karen Wyatt learned the value of telling our stories. Writing became a meaningful and compelling practice for healing and now, she offers what she learned in her latest book, Stories From the Dark Night. she offers practical guidance to write about grief born of decades of experience with death, grief and transformation.
After the death of her husband left her a young widow, Elaine Roth had no idea how she would make a new life for herself and her children. What would their lives look like now? She struggled to take care of herself, which led to a career as a Pilates instructor. And she struggled to envision love in her life, which led her to write a novel, The Midnight Garden. Her heroine's name, Hope, embodied the quality Elaine herself wanted the most to feel. Imagining a way into the feelings she would have embarking on a search for love after her loss, writing gave her a picture. It didn't need to be exactly HER picture to reassure her that life is possible after loss.
How does an Arab-American girl, moving across the middle east as her father follows his career, find her identity? And how is that search impacted when personal tragedy rocks her family? Kathryn Abdul-Baki started her life in the United States but then lived in Iran, Jerusalem, Kuwait, aware that her mother was different from the Arab mothers and that she, too, was different. Her relationships with those outside of the expat community grew as she grew, and Kathryn struggled to see how she fit in. When a devastating early loss changed her world forever, she had to learn to embrace all of who she was, through music, dancing, and the love and devotion of family.
When Kevin Campbell's beloved diead after 22 years together, he couldn't bring himself to create music from the experience. It felt too painful to express his grief, even in his comfort zone; music. But over time he realized that in order to move forward he needed to express through his art the aspects of his feelings after the loss. Stages, his latest album, is the result. Capturing all the feelings that arose from his loss, he did find a way to move forward.
Kenya Aissa has had many careers that all have one thing in common; healing in the context of trauma. A thirty year career as a social worker in the child welfare system deepened her awareness of how responding to our traumas informs our lives going forward. She has since integrated her yoga and wellness practices into her healing work. Her book Sacred Girl: Spiritual Life Skills for Conscious Young Women, gives young women valuable skills to respond not only to their personal traumas but also to intergenerational and collective trauma, activism stress, and racial/cultural wounds. She has benefitted in her own life from a core built around healing, especially when she faced the loss of her dearest friend. How does Kenya integrate all her many skills into one beautiful way forward for herself and her clients? We'll be talking about all she does as part of her business, Ruby Envy Wellness.
The Last Love Note tells the fictional story of a young widow trying to find a way to move forward. Its heroine, Kate, has continued to parent, work, and keep her sense of humor but has had very little time to give her grief the space it needs. How many others in these modern times are in the same situation? The author, Emma Grey, knows first hand what happens when loss drops into your life and nothing else stops. Join us as we explore what led her to write the book and how the writing helped her with her own mourning.
During the COVID pandemic Becky Wilkes moved her parents in with her rather than tolerate being unable to see them. In the final stages of their life together, she had the opportunity to witness first hand the love that had sustained them and how it showed itself until death, and after. Her photographic essay captured in poignant detail their physical decline and their love. It opened a door to the heart of love; walking each other home. What was it like to come so close to her parents' fragility, to care for their aging physical bodies and to record it all with her camera? Join us as we explore her experience during and after this momentous time.
What holds us back? How do past unresolved traumas, small and large, continue to control our lives and responses? Melanie Smith set out to discover for herself what was holding HER back. In the process, she learned invaluable lessons about how to loosen the hold her past had on her. Freeing herself from a life that didn't fit her, she found a joy beyond her imagining. And now, she uses teh principles she learned to walk with others to their destiny and best life.
When dementia comes for someone we love, how do we maintain connection and relationship? For Suzanne Finnamore it takes accepting that her mother, in her final stage of dementia, lives in another country; Suzanne has needed to learn the customs and accept the differences. When she can accept, there is room for magic, including the magic of living as if there is no death; where everyone we ever loved is still alive. Suzanne is able to see the ways in which her mother is still herself and still vital. She is able to see the beauty of her mother's marriage and the life she built out of loss and challenge. They are able to love each other in the present moment whether all is remembered or nothing is.
Finding herself still restless after the death of her husband, Judy Reeves sold everything and set out on a one year voyage around the world. Only a few of her destinations were planned and most of them could be cancelled at a moment's notice. Thus unfolded an experience of discovery; who was she now, a single woman, a widow? What would the next phase of her life look like? In the solitude of her travel, writing and walking her way through the year, she discovered herself in a fresh new form. She truly travelled beyond loss and loneliness!
What is it that helps us discover ourselves? It is often the challenges, the losses and deep pains, that over time lead us to claim our own natures. For Roberta Kuriloff, a crushing breakup led her to do what she had wanted for a long time; build her own home and live in the Maine woods. Along the way, she explored the turning points of her life, including the death of her mother when she was six and her years living in an orphanage. How had these experiences formed her, and who was she underneath? Join us as we talk about her process of discovery and where it led her.
A diagnosis of MS affects more than just the person now struggling with life, unable to continuing living as they did. When Suzanne Marriott's husband was diagnosed, they faced a re-ordering of everything in their life together. Unable to work, walk well or count on his emotional stability, Suzanne found herself managing more and more of the business of their life together. Through, psychological insights and spiritual inquiry she became the kind of caregiver she most wanted to be. And as they grew in their response to the challenge, their ability to love well also grew. Facing her own health crisis, Suzanne could see just how much she had changed!
Susan Hayden experienced three sudden losses that shaped her life; her childhood best friend, her father and her husband. How did she shape these losses into the creative voice she crafted over a lifetime? How did they change her? Going forward from loss, what do we take with us and what do we leave behind? Her first published memoir, Now You Are a Missing Person, makes poetry of loss, showing us how to integrate our love into a new creation.
Theo Boyd's idyllic farm upbringing led to a life she thought was perfect until a terrible accident killed her mother. In the space of a few years, her father also died traumatically and her marriage ended. What helped her to navigate these unexpected and crushing losses? Where did she end up after it all? And what kinds of advice does she have for others facing the worst sorts of losses?
The novelist Lynn Hightower approached her grief in a familiar way- through story. Her heroine has lost everything. And that is what makes her dangerous! Heroine Junie Lagarde's husband has died in a tragic plane wreck and her dog is missing. Wrapped in mystery, she will stop at nothing to know what happened and to do all she can to find her beloved dog. Those of us who have grieved deeply will resonate with the risks she is willing to take and her clear sense of direction. But how does Lynn know this territory? What led her to write a mystery shrouded in the authentic voice of grief? Join us to find out!
After a lifetime of disapproval from her mother, especially for her lifestyle, Donna Stoneham finally had the accepting and loving connection she had always longed for. But when her mother died, the relationship they had finally formed didn't seem to have lasted nearly long enough. How would her mother help her recover from the greatest loss of her life? And why did they finally find peace only to lose it?
Meghan Riordan Jarvis was a therapist specializing in grief and trauma. So maybe she and her highly trained friends and colleagues recognized just a little sooner that she was in trouble. After the loss of her father then her mother, she developed severe PTSD that required in-patient care. How does a therapist navigate her own extreme trauma? What does the experience teach her about supporting other people in the same situation? And how does it change her life and perspective? Join us as explore the science and human experience of trauma- and the lessons we sometimes find at the end.
When Leslie Streeter's husband, the love of her life, died suddenly after asking for kisses, she struggled to fulfill the life they had built together. Would she be able to complete the adoption of their son, not even 3 years old? How would she raise him alone? And how would she navigate this crushing grief? She would rely on community, family and humor to clear a path, taking one step at a time and guided by what her husband, Scott, had envisioned for them. Slowly, and surely, her way forward would become clear. But the pain of losing Scott, for herself and for their son, would have to be felt!
Nothing prepares anyone for times of extreme loss. Autumn Toelle-Jackson was leading a charmed life; married to the love of her life, with two healthy children, 2 1/2 and newborn. But then, over the course of just a few years, Autumn's husband died suddenly, a close relative died suddenly, her grandfather ailed and died and the baby she had, just two years later, with the second great love of her life died at 4 months old. How could her faith help her when she was furious with God? What would she need to do to renew her life and regenerate her hope for the future? In the end, it was diving into the depth of her grief, holding nothing back, that brought her into her new and second life.
Differences are what make humans endlessly evolving, and interesting. But often people who are different are shunned, oppressed and misunderstood. Mickey Rowe was seen as different both because of being legally blind and because he is autistic. Getting the world to believe he had unique and powerful skills to offer took a superhuman effort. His different abilities were less limiting than other people's inability to give him what he needed to excel. Despite these formidable odds, he succeeded, refusing to accept what others thought. This led to a deep understanding and empathy for other groups of people who are counted out, a commitment he lives out in everything he does.
When Liz Tichenor's mother killed herself, it would have been hard to imagine a loss more crushing, even though her mother had struggled with addiction for most of Liz' life. But shortly after that Liz' son, only forty days old, died inexplicably and sent Liz into a territory of loss and grief unfamiliar to her. As she struggled to carry herself through those most terrible days, she knew that her work as an Episcopal priest would be forever impacted. She also knew she had to tell the truth; to herself, her children and her parishioners. Her message would now carry the deep experience of her grief and the life she built going forward. She would never be the same- and she would offer everything she learned in this deepest time to the people she leads.
For sixty years, Rachel Naomi Remen has lived with a diagnosis, Crohn's disease, that was considered universally terminal when she was first diagnosed. How did that affect her life? She became a physician who worked with terminal illness, a New York Times bestselling author and a fierce advocate for compassionate medicine. She founded the Institute for the Study of Health and Illness (ISHI) at Commonweal and is also co-founder of the Commonweal Cancer Help Program. She worked with thousands of patients and trained many doctors in healing care. Join us as we talk about her own story and the stories of those she has worked with over many decades. We are all sure to be inspired.
We hear quite a bit about the experience of cancer treatment; the shocking diagnosis, the decisions, the side effects. But how much do we hear about after, when most people with cancer must adapt to a new world view, lasting lasting impacts and deep existential questions about death, and life? At a time when communities are celebrating, offering congratulations for being done the person at the center of it all feels anything but. Leanne Pooley was shocked to discover her new landscape after treatment and, being a documentary filmmaker and therefore used to speaking out and observing experience she began to look for ways to make sure the medical profession improved in their navigation of this most sensitive time.
After the death of his mother, Ned Buskirk wondered why we don't talk about death more. As a producer and artist, he found a way to invite the conversation when he hosted a small event in his home, called You're Going to Die: Poetry, Prose and Anything Goes. It was a hit, and led to larger and larger monthly events, a musician's program to work with people at the end of life, and finally, the largest event ever at the Great American Music Hall; You're Alive. He has established a non profit to support all these projects and bring the conversation to a larger and larger audience. He has also integrated the arts into the conversation, broadening his audience and inspiring in the meantime. What does he have in his vision for the future? Join us to find out.
After years of work in end of life care, Mary Matthiesen was blindsided by the death of her mother. She was also filled with inspiration resulting from the conversations they had and the choices her mother made about completing her life on her own terms. In an evolution in her thinking born out of her story, Mary became impassioned about these conversations between people at the end of their lives, health care professionals and community leaders, believing that it is in the intersection between all these participants that brings a death in alignment with the person. Her epiphany, born out of both painful and beautiful experience, continues to lead her in directions she couldn't have imagined and feeds her passion to open the door on conversations about death!
When Rachel Stephenson was five years old, her mother died in a car accident and never returned home. While the rest of her family was determined to move on, replace her mom and maintain their silence, Rachel rebelled against their attempts to ignore the monumental vacuum her mother had left. She never lost the compelling desire to speak her grief, though her family never became comfortable with it. Although she went on to accomplish many things in the world seemingly unrelated to her loss, she always knew she'd some day speak about it and make grief a part of her mission in the world. She wanted to share that grief could be a part of living fully. Now is her time to share her message; that when we're silent in grief, it can eat us alive, but when we speak our grief, it can become a part of the rich fabric of a full life.
The prison population is aging and with the longer sentences of recent years, more and more prisoners are dying without ever being released. How are they cared for? Is there anyone there to comfort or witness them in the final hours of their lives? There is a movement afoot to train other prisoners to offer care and compassion at the end of life. The impact on the ones who are doing this work, both prisoners and trainers, is profound. With the potential for loving end of life care, no matter what mistakes have been made, there is hope of an impact on a system that has certainly not always been kind. Join us to talk with people who train inmates in end of life compassion Why are they drawn to it? What has it taught them? And what can we all learn about universal compassion?
What has compelled you after a loss? When Susan Hayden lost her husband it was sharing time and space with writers and musicians. Beginning as a way to focus on something besides grief after her loss, her Library Girl series offered comfort and inspiration, re-engaging her with her new normal. As time has gone by, she has been especially interested in sharing the writing and music of artists who create work out of loss, adding depth to her monthly performance events and carving out a place of respect and interest in her community. What was it like to balance creativity, parenting and grief, all at the same time? How does she look at that time now? Listen in and find out.
When you watch someone you love live, and ultimately die, in an abusive relationship, how does it shape your own life? Sheila Kohler's sister was her childhood friend, her confidante. Living parallel lives, her sister Maxine staying in South Africa and Sheila traveling the world. But Maxine's death propelled Sheila towards a turning point. Sheila could see that accepting the abuse in her relationship had led to Maxine's death. Finding a resolve to make her own life what she wanted it to be, Sheila turned towards the things she needed to change, creating the kind of life she truly wanted to live. Becoming a novelist, she told the story of her sister in story after story, Maxine always the main character. And over time, she gathered her resolve to tell the story of the loss itself in her memoir, Once We Were Sisters. What questions remain that will never be answered? And how does the impact of Maxine's death continue to unfold in Sheila's life?
Danna Schaeffer's life was good. She and her husband were happy with their work, and especially happy about the rising stardom of their daughter, Rebecca. But their world fell apart when their daughter was murdered by a stalker. It would be many years before Danna, a playwright, would create You in Mid Air, and play about loving, and losing Rebecca. Described as both honest, poignant and funny, Danna's play captures both the grief and continued life of her relationship with the daughter she lost. It also illustrates how loss brings things we never expected into our lives. Rebecca was the actor, not her mother. But here is Danna in a one woman show, the only way she could imagine telling their story.
Our picture of widowhood conjures a grey haired woman, maybe a grandmother, mourning the loss of a life long love. But that picture does not always fit the facts. Melissa Gould was young, still raising a child, when her husband, the love of her life, died. How would she move forward into a life she never anticipated? What would support her along the way? In her intimate and illuminating memoir, we learn not only what she relied on to reimagine her life, but also what she slowly began to offer others. Candid and transparent, her story will resonate with anyone who has experienced a loss they never anticipated and suddenly had no idea how their lives would go.
How do we continue to weave the stories of the people we love into our lives after they die. What threads keep us connected to them, as they continue to impact our lives and inform our hearts? Lorraine Hedtke teaches people how to keep these stories present and how to mourn, yet continue to feel our relationships with those we have lost. Through teaching, writing and speaking, she helps others to re-remember, to value the experiences we've had in relationships and to create a pathway for the love we feel for a lifetime.
Angelo Merendino is a photographer who started taking pictures of his wife as soon as he fell for her. His photo journaling became a calling when, five months after they were married, Jennifer was diagnosed with breast cancer. When he shared his photos in essay form, they went viral on Facebook, leading to appearances in the press and a TEDX talk. In this hour, Angelo will share what he wants people to know about how to support their friends and family dealing with cancer. We’ll talk about what moves him to say that his time with Jennifer, including the times of her illness, were the happiest in his life. He’ll talk about Jen and how she could affirm, a few days before her death, “I loved it all.” We’ll talk about how grief has changed him and what his experience of loss has taught him. Join us and let Angelo inspire you!
Religions like Jehovah's Witness promise their followers certainty and safety. Leaders demand obedience to proscribed standards of behavior, beliefs and practices. But what happens when a follower begins to doubt? For Amber Scorah, leaving the Witness meant giving up everyone and everything in her life. On top of this severing of every tie, she would have to live with uncertainty in a way she never had before. Growing up in the culture, which she now saw as a cult, brought what she thought of as happiness. Now she would choose becoming who she felt she really was but not know what was true about God. And when the worst loss she could imagine came next, she would have to navigate grief without any certainty at all.
Recovering from a divorce and dealing with his father’s terminal diagnosis, Robert Pruitt faced the lowest point in his life. But hearing his father was ill, he knew he would regret missing any of it. In the next three months until his dad’s death, Robert wrote in his journal and embarked on a crash course in living and dying. How did these losses and the work he did to respond to them lead to a life of purpose and meaning, teaching others to share the gifts they are with the world? Robert will inspire and uplift you with his tale of difficulty and redemption
When all we know leaves us unprepared for loss, we must find a new way to respond. And when suicide is involved, the weight of what could have been can be weighty. Tara Caffelle’s former husband and good friend died, and she was left to sort out what she could have done, knowing she had done all she could. In her grief, she found her life.
When Marian Partington was 25 years old, her 21 year old sister vanished. She and her family would not know what happened for 20 years, leaving them in a state of suspended animation, moving forward and yet not. As Marian lived her life, forming relationships, having children and making a career, there was a frozen place which could not thaw until her sister's body was finally found and those responsible were identified. Yet she knew that the way forward must include an attempt to forgive. Her intuition told her that trying to forgive was the only way to free herself. This led to a deep reckoning with the part of her and every human that is capable of doing harm. It then led, ultimately, to work in prisons with people who had harmed other families in just the way she had been. Bringing an open and forgiving heart into the prisons with her, she was able to touch the people on the other side of the equation deeply and fully, bringing a sense of restoration to them and to herself!
How has modern life disconnected us from our wisdom? Anita Sanchez shares the prophecies of indigenous elders who see a path towards reconnection and understanding.Join us to learn how to embody these principles; the power to forgive the unforgivable, the power to heal, the power of unity and the power of hope. These four gifts applied to our problems of living can change the way we operate as a society. They can even change boardrooms and businesses, bringing human understanding back to our fundamental human experience. And perhaps most important, they can heal our broken hearts.
As medicine advances, it is harder and harder to accept the moment when it is time to face death and make the most of our remaining time. Dr. Jessica Zitter is a fierce advocate for asking the tough questions. Is doing everything always best? And how do we support each other when doing more is doing harm? How do we face the sense of failure, both as doctors and patients, which often comes with suspending treatment? As a physician she came to realize the moral quandary created for doctors when patients and families believe there is always one more thing to try. She has devoted herself to bridging the gap between heroic life saving treatment and peaceful dying. Join us as we talk about her candid and nuanced book, Extreme Measures.
As human beings, we wonder what awaits us after this life is over. When death has come to those near us, the question often becomes compelling! In her quest to understand the many ways people think about what comes next, Claire Bidwell Smith investigated and wrote about various beliefs and practices about the time after death. How do each of us imagine or believe it to be? How does this connect or disconnect us from those we love after their deaths? What can we gain by asking these questions and investigating our ideas about death for ourselves?Coming after Claire's first book, Rules of Inheritance, about the deaths of her parents when she was 18 and 24, After This: When Life is Over Where Do We Go? continues her deep reflection on the meanings we give to life, to grief and to death.
What finally causes us to begin to explore the impact of death in our lives? For Cathy Zheutlin it was the deaths around her. As her mother's partner and several friends moved towards the end of their lives, she watched how they found their way to full living regardless of their failing health. As a person who seeks answers she became curious about how this was possible, how they could become comfortable with death. She was aware of her own fear. And knowing that her beloved mother would soon pass this way motivated her to dive deeply into her feelings and thoughts about death and to open conversations with the people around her. Out of these thoughts and conversations comes Living While Dying, a film that explores in very personal terms our fear of death and the grief it brings with it.
After her fiancee's father died, Erica Buist became terrified of death itself. Afraid to venture outside and anxious about the other people she loved dying too, her life narrowed to an alarming degree. She resolved that once she was able to go out of the house, she would explore the ways people around the world helped themselves through loss and grief. How did they handle it? In trips around the globe, she faced her own fears and learned a little about death along the way.
How does a life change when the person you're closest to in the world dies? For Paul Linke, that person was his wife and the mother of his three children. When she died of breast cancer at 37, he entered a new landscape. As an actor and writer, the natural outgrowth of his loss and mourning was the creation of a one man show about the loss and his response to it. This then led to continued performances of the work around the world. He went on to marry again and have a fourth child. But how does this experience in his life continue to impact him decades later? What is his perspective now on what he went through and how it changed him? And how did expressing himself creatively impact his grief? Join us to explore these questions.
When Dr. Paul Kalanithi faced a stage IV lung cancer diagnosis in his last year as a neurosurgical resident, his wife, Dr. Lucy Kalanithi faced it with him. In the twenty-two months that followed, they continued to work, had a child and he wrote a best selling book . But since his death, how have her grief and her love showed themselves? She made sure that his book, when Breath Becomes Air, was published and promoted, most importantly by her. She carried his love forward into her own life and parenting of their daughter Cady. And she lent her energy to projects that reflect the intersection between that most impactful walk through cancer with Paul, and her interest in meaning in medicine, patient-centered care and end-of-life care. So it is no surprise that she is on the advisory board of the OpenIDEO end of life challenge, exploring how to improve end of life experiences world wide. Hear how this newest passion connects with what she and Paul experienced during his illness and death.
In grief, creative expression can speak to our heartache and capture the ways we cope with heartbreak. Kara Bowman writes poetry to describe the grief she witnesses in her work and what she feels when loss touches her life. How was she drawn to poetry and how has it helped her? We'll talk about the language of grief and the comfort in seeing your experience captured in words.
Although Donna Kendrick had planned for the future of her family, she was completely unprepared for her new role as sole planner when her husband suddenly took his own life. Wading through the decisions she needed to make right away and the ones that took years to navigate, she realized that for widows and widowers who had no experience, the task might be insurmountable! Over time, as her own process of re building was more complete, she realized she could become a valuable resource for others in her same situation and so her future career was born. Her book, A Guide to Widowhood, holds the hands of those facing losses that bring with them a mountain of financial decisions. Along with her business offers advice to them, the book makes her principles accessible to a broader group of grievers trying their best to find their way.
Margo Fowkes' son lived with cancer for almost a decade before he finally died. In her grief, she noticed that work places were not equipped to support or even acknowledge the griever. Inspired by her son's power to live his life fully even under the threat of his death, she set out to bring change to the businesses and organizations she worked with when it came to how they handled grief. In the process she developed a supportive network of business people committed to improving business practices and awareness for the inevitable; an employee facing the death of someone they love.
Helping children to grieve in a culture that is uncomfortable with loss can be a difficult task. That's why it's so important that parents and the other important people in children's lives have resources to help. Still Mine faces loss directly while encouraging young children to keep those they've lost alive by remembering what they used to do together and honoring their love. What brings an author to write about grief in a picture book? What can we share about helping young children understand death? And how might that change their lives for the better going forward. Jayne Pillemer, author of Still Mine, has some answers.
When Suzanne Falter's daughter died unexpectedly, she could no longer maintain the pace or frenzy that had dominated her life. She was thrust into a world of spiritual quest, looking to her continued experience of her daughter's energy to show her the way. In the process she would have to learn to surrender to life instead of willing it to go her way. As she found her own center and her own deeper wisdom, she found a joy she had never known. Her daughter had, miraculously, become her teacher and led her to her true purpose.
After the loss of her husband to a rare cancer, Kristin Meekhof searched for the book that would tell her, step by step, the answer to the question what do I do now?! She never found it, despite finding many other books of comfort. And so, after her own grief had found its place in her new life, she decided to write the book she had wanted. Enlisting the help of a former colleague and friend (and also a therapist) they wrote the book, clearly spelling out what needs attention in the days, weeks, months and years following the loss of a spouse. Subtitled Gentle Support for the First 5 Years, the book holds widows' hands as they navigate the unfamiliar.
Running from death was a big part of Sue William Silverman's response to early adulthood. Over time, she began to see that running from death was also about running from those things in her life that she didn't know how to cope with; fearful and traumatic events. Over time, Sue would unravel those fears and face up to what she came to realize she could not escape. How did she find her way? And what has resulted from making the trip? Sue has written a compelling book about what scared her, why, and how she began to face up to it all. In a world where we all have reason to fear and cause to run, talking about how to live with these uncertainties is something we all need!
How does someone find his way from the murder, at age 14, of both his parents to a life guided by big love? Scott Stabile evolved from putting his grief aside and going on with life to honoring and respecting, even inviting, his grief. In the process, he learned a lot about living with an open heart and loving himself and others as completely as possible in each moment. When he opened up to his deepest feelings, his deepest self, what he found was an unequivocal commitment to living a big, loving life and sharing what he'd found with other people.
Those of us who work in the healthcare world experience personal losses like all other humans. Sometimes our losses lead to our career choices and sometimes we are integrating losses into already established careers. How do we combine personal loss into our roles? And what happens when a loss of health and capacity lead to the need to step away form work we have been deeply committed to? As we talk about a recent book release of stories from health care professionals, we deepen our understanding of the ways loss and profession interweave. Are there ways a professional perspective helps our relationship to loss? Or sometimes does it not help? Join me with Cheryl Krauter, a contributor to Loss and Grief: Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals and Linda Klein, ones of its editors as we explore the book and its message.
Losing a dream can have a profound impact- a grief of another kind. Roselee Blooston always knew she wanted a career in the theater and believed with all her heart she would make it as an actress. Accepting that she needed to redefine what success might look like and letting the dream die into new goals took her many years and much turmoil. Along the way, she realized that other dreams just as satisfying and longer lasting could take the place of her childhood passions.
Building the skills that support us in grief, that grow our resilience, is a lifelong pursuit. Marv Weidner and his wife built these skills in nineteen years of loving and growing together before she received a dire cancer diagnosis and, nine months later, died. Now Marv would have to take the lessons further; into his own grief and the resilience he would need to create a full life without her. In his own descriptions of that path and in suggestions after each chapter from the grief counselor who supported them, we can see what helps and what could hinder the goal of living fully and happily even in loss.
With gun violence at epidemic rates, often directed at vulnerable communities, family face a grief which is hard to address. In particular, the threat of shootings in schools leaves both parents and children afraid of something they have no power to avoid. Michael Govier's book and film, If Anything Happens I Love you, faces those fears head on as it beautifully captures the experience of a family whose child has died in a school shooting. In realistic pictures capturing the actuality of grief, it opens conversation and supports families wrestling with the new reality. What inspired him and his fellow film makers? How did they craft teh story and what has it taught him about loss and grief?
Isabel and Anabel Stenzel, identical twins diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis as babies, faced a lifetime of ill health and the probability that they would die very young. They also faced numerous losses of friends who had the same disease. Very young, they began keeping a record of their hospital experiences, drawing pictures and writing what happened along the way. Ultimately as adults, they collaborated on a book, The Power of Two, and were featured in a documentary of the same name. As a result of lung transplants, their life expectancy improved. Then Anabel received another crushing diagnosis; cancer. Ultimately she died, not of the disease that had plagued her life, but of the cancer. How did that loss affect her twin? How does Isabel continue to exhibit the power of two, but as one? This deep loss, which she says is like no other, has deepened her perspective on loss, grief and the art of letting go.
When Tembi Locke spent a college semester in Italy, it changed the course of her life. Meeting Saro, the man she would love and marry, filled her with joy and also challenged them both to bridge the gap between his Sicilian farm family and her Houston Texas family of civil rights activists. Over time their persistence and courage began to connect their two families. But no struggle before it could have prepared them for Saro's ten years living with cancer, his death, and Tembi's grief. Who could have predicted that Tembi would find her way forward in grief at the table of her mother-in-law, in her small home in Siciliy. Join us to talk about the road Tembi took to find her future.
Michael Wohl's father was a hippie determined to live life as he saw fit, regardless of the consequences. Childhood was fraught with uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous lapses in parental judgement. As a result Michael and his father Herschel had a somewhat distant connection and rarely saw each other. When his father died, Michael and his siblings (one of whom he hardly knew) set out to lay him to rest on a far-away island where his dad had died, escaping all his mistakes. What did he learn about his own life, his father and funerals in remote places from this unimaginable experience?
Mary MacCracken and her husband Cal felt blessed to have a deep and loving marriage and two successful careers. They were living a life of true happiness when Mary and others around Cal began to notice that his memory was declining. Receiving a devastating diagnosis of Alzheimers, Mary and Cal committed to see it through together. But to keep that promise, ultimately Mary had to make tough decisions for Cal when he was no longer able to make them for himself. Finishing their love story would fall more heavily on her. Seeing him through to his death was such a remarkable part of their love story that she then spent the last 10 years of her own life capturing their story in her memoir, The Memory of All That.
What leads us to explore our relationship to death? For Angela Fama, it began when a terrible accident caused her to consider her own death. But she noticed that when she tried to talk about death, she met discomfort and resistance. Instead of dropping the conversation, she searched for ways to enter into it; to make others more comfortable with the subject. Out of this need of hers, the Death Conversation Game was born!
Amy Turner was, quite literally, hit by a truck. Although she seemed to have escaped serious injury (no broken bones, apparent mild concussion) she was haunted by symptoms for months. But even more than that, the traumas of her early childhood came hurtling back, inviting her to explore even more thoroughly how her father's attempted suicide and her mother's alcoholism had defined her life. Her deep exploration of all the ways she had internalized their struggles led her to a discovery of herself beyond what she could have imagined.
From the time she was a child, E.B.Bartels had a profound desire for pets in her life. Animals of every kind made her feel a kind of love and connection even deeper than many of her human relationships. But as she matured, the inherent losses she experienced with animals, who typically have relatively short life spans, caused her to explore love and grief. Now her new book, Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter, offers a wholehearted look at the love humans have had for animals through history and the ways we grieve them, then carry them with us throughout our lives.
The funeral industry does not always respond to the unique traditions and practices of their clients. What is important to the grieving person? Can the industry support grievers as they navigate their losses? Joél Simone Anthony brings her well cultivated spiritual outlook to these questions. Realizing how important her own traditions are to her she actively responds to the people who come to her, discovering what is meaningful to them and doing her best as a mortician to create ritual that incorporates those needs. She sees herself not only to helping with funerals and burials but also holding the griever in traditions that matter. And in that, she shares what comforts most; that grieving people are heard in their own experience and context.
Zander Masser was only 11 when his father died of AIDS, contracted because of his treatment for hemophilia. How much does a child know about his parent as a full human being? How would he carry his dad in his life going forward? It was twenty years later when Zander found his father's catalogue of photographs, taken over a long career. Begun as a desire to get his work out there, it became an exploration of Zander's relationship with his father and his own grief. While collecting more and more of his father's story, he realized all he had lost, and also reclaimed more than he knew he could!
Some people think that dying people increasingly speak nonsense, losing their grip on reality. But Lisa Smartt, a linguist trained to pay deep attention to words, realized as her father was dying that what he was saying was coherent and deeply moving, pointing to a world which she little understood and inviting an exploration of what he might be talking about. After his death, she hurtled headlong into a mission; collecting final words, convinced they had something profound to offer those of us who are not dying. The Final Words Project and her book, Words at the Threshhold: What We Say as We're Nearing Death, are the beautiful result.
Right at the beginning of her relationship with the love of her life, Joni Sensel had the disturbing epiphany that she would not have him for long. It turned out to be true. But before he died, it pushed her to engage fully and with all of her self for every moment with him. And, contrary to the fact and science-based self she was used to, even losing him proved to her that intuition and mystery are real. How did their love, her grief and all the times she felt his presence after his death inform life going forward?
In the seventy years Tim Seelig has lived, half was spent as a religious music conductor from a famous Christian family. But when Tim came out at 35, that life was over. He was unceremoniously ousted from everything and everyone he knew. His highly respected career was also over. And his second life began, as a conductor of LGBTQ choruses. This new life culminated in Tim becoming the director of the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus. And although he had lost everything, there was no regret- for the second half of his life he would live as authentically himself. Through so many losses, including the death of his beloved daughter, knowing who he is and where he finds support has seen him through. His memoir, Tale of Two Tims: Big Ol' Baptist Big Ol' Gay, tells the story of all these losses (and gains) with humor and grace.
How can we open up conversations with children about the heavy subjects; illness, death, grief? For Sherrie Barch, the answer came in the form of an allegory about the ways that our dead loved ones continue to be connected with those who love them. In talking with her own children about hard subjects, including the Type 1 Diabetes diagnoses of two of her children within a year. Her story has helped many parents to talk with their kids openly and honestly while still comforting them. Does the same apply to her own family? Join us to find out.
An expert in helping others navigate their emotions, grief taught Mary Lamia how to come to terms with the unsolvable emotions after loss. That experience led her to conclude that grief is something to BE with more than something to get over, and that made all the difference. Her fifth book emphasized the point by declaring, Grief Isn't Something to Get Over. She now supports others to honestly allow grief to live inside them and evolve over time.
Sometimes change comes by way of a fire that burns us to the ground. Losing everything he thought was important to him, Adam Hall embarked on a quest to remake his life but ended up remaking himself. What are the most important things to discover in our lives? How do we step through grief to the life we are called to live? How do we let go of what no longer serves us? Adam had to come to terms with the worst losses of his life to answer his questions and find his own Divine Genius.
A project to bring poetry and art to a community in grief after 9/11 evolved into an ongoing community of artists committed to offering peace, hope and inspiration. As we continue to need encouragement to face troubling times, Elizabeth Hack collaborates with artists to create works of beauty to feed the soul. Editing a publication for just that purpose has evolved into a calling. She returns to Good Grief to share what feeds her and how she stays encouraged in the light of all that disturbs.
When our friends and loved ones face a crisis, we often don't know what to say. Do we say anything at all? What if we say the wrong thing? Nearly everyone who has faced a hard time has heard things that weren't so helpful. But worse yet is silence, saying nothing. Emily McDowell faced such a time and, as a graphic designer, she chose to respond by doing what she loved- creating cards that say what is most helpful in bad times. Her empathy cards not only helped people reach out; by sharing she also helped people in similar circumstances feel heard and seen! Her tremendous success with the cards inevitably led to a book, There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love.
Sherry Walling experienced losses of very different kinds in a short period of time. Only five months after her beloved father died of cancer, her brother killed himself. Her world was thrown into an uproar and, as a psychologist by trade, she was unable to find ground. allowing herself to follow her own instincts, over time she learned to listen differently to herself and her clients. and the greatest comfort she felt was while she was doing circus arts, suspended above the ground, climbing, dipping and swinging. She even performed aerial arts to honor her brother, letting go of the ground in just the way her grief felt.
After her fiancee's father died, Erica Buist became terrified of death itself. Afraid to venture outside and anxious about the other people she loved dying too, her life narrowed to an alarming degree. She resolved that once she was able to go out of the house, she would explore the ways people around the world helped themselves through loss and grief. How did they handle it? In trips around the globe, she faced her own fears and learned a little about death along the way.
Judy Lipson's family had more than their share of loss and no skills at talking about them. After the deaths of her two sisters Judy put her head down and went on, not believing she could face her grief. In the process, she was unable to come to terms with the losses or find a way to incorporate her only two siblings into her life going forward. But thirty years later, she finally allowed herself to grieve them, fully and deeply. As a result, she was able to pour her energy into a fundraising event that honored them and something they had shared; ice skating. In allowing her grief to matter, her life was enriched.
When we experience loss our first and most intense desire is to get back to who we were before the tragedy. When that isn't possible, we can become lost in an endless loop of desire for our old self. But it is in accepting the loss a building our new self that our hopes for a future self live. Michele Neff Hernandez learned the truth about this when her beloved husband died suddenly. Where was the capable woman who could make things go her way and deal with every problem? That woman died when he did. But as time went on she accepter that she would need to build a new self incorporating the new lessons his death taught her and crafting a future she had never imagined. Her book, Different After You, helps people facing tragedy a way forward.
Michelle Cleveland coaches her clients to be the best versions of themselves.The lessons she learned from two of her children who had learning differences taught her to meet her clients where they are and support them in their individuality. What informs her work even more deeply is what it took for her to create a good life after the suicides of two of her sons. She has been able to find meaning and purpose both in her coaching and business consultant work and as an advocate in the area of mental health and suicide.
Differences are what make humans endlessly evolving, and interesting. But often people who are different are shunned, oppressed and misunderstood. Mickey Rowe was seen as different both because of being legally blind and because he is autistic. Getting the world to believe he had unique and powerful skills to offer took a superhuman effort. His different abilities were less limiting than other people's inability to give him what he needed to excel. Despite these formidable odds, he succeeded, refusing to accept what others thought. This led to a deep understanding and empathy for other groups of people who are counted out, a commitment he lives out in everything he does.
Over a lifetime, what has given you the gift of shift? There's no way around those painful and difficult circumstances that come to us all, but what ultimately allows us to move forward with new wisdom? Ann Papayoti has experienced deep sorrow and loss, painful circumstance and yes, transformation. All of it led her to her life work- coaching other people towards lives of meaning and self realization! Join us to learn how she did it herself and how she helps others.
Ken Ross grew up immersed in the work of his mother, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Unlike most people in the West, he was immersed in a world where death, dying and grief wer openly talked about and explored. How did he come to view his unique experience with the pioneering author of On Death and Dying? We will talk about his mother's work, his childhood and how he carries her work forward, honoring the legacy she left. We'll also explore how he thinks his own perspective on end of life has been formed by his unusual upbringing.
Ken Ross grew up immersed in the work of his mother, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Unlike most people in the West, he was immersed in a world where death, dying and grief wer openly talked about and explored. How did he come to view his unique experience with the pioneering author of On Death and Dying? We will talk about his mother's work, his childhood and how he carries her work forward, honoring the legacy she left. We'll also explore how he thinks his own perspective on end of life has been formed by his unusual upbringing.
Living what he considered a charmed life, Ivan Maisel was completely unprepared for the unexpected loss of his 21 year old son from suicide. The decisions he made in those first terrible hours, days, weeks, gave him a way forward as he struggled to learn how to live with the unimaginable. He and his family would be open about the loss. They would not hide the cause of his death. He and his family would not judge the way they each grieved. And they would stay together. These simple decisions pointed the way forward; not back to anywhere but carrying the loss within him and learning to live anyway. As time went on he came to view his grief as love. And this changed him, as he says, for the better.
Living a lifetime without his father, Jonathan Wess developed a clear vision of what he would have gained from that relationship. Only four years old when his father died, he missed out on the opportunity to learn from his father, to hear how he felt about his life and to receive the legacy of his father's memories. As an adult, this led Jonathan to a passion for collecting stories; stories to remember loved ones by and stories to remind ourselves how far we've come! Basing his platform on the questions he would have liked to ask his father and the many interviews he conducted with other adults who had lost a parent as children, he formed a clear vision of how to collect memories. Timecapsule Family Connections is the result; a company founded on the principle that legacy matters and that in brief answers to key questions, we have the opportunity to capture it.
Creative expression is a powerful way to process the losses in our lives- and sometimes takes unusual forms. For Carol Finizza, trying to understand her daughter's addiction led her to write a murder mystery. How did writing about a crime help? Was she able to understand more fully her daughter's (and her own) experience? Join us to uncover the mystery behind the mystery!
How do our deepest experiences guide our lives after? For i.b. casey cui, a cancer diagnosis at a young age sent her life in a different direction than anyone expected, ultimately helping her to defy the demands of her family and become a writer instead of an attorney. Her novel, Groovy Girl, incorporates elements of her own story to tell a tale of immigration, family pressures and perils, and what cancer and all of its challenges can lead to!
The profound experience of love and loss often lead an artist to a deep need to create. In fact, mourning itself is a creative process, helping us to evolve into our new selves. For Corey Madden and her husband, facing his end, capturing their relationship in a podcast offered the opportunity to express what they meant to each other, leaving a record of a deep love. The act of creating out of their loss was meaningful for both of them, and especially for Corey after her husband's death!
Nothing prepares a mother for hearing that their child is transgender. Along with protectiveness and confusion comes the stunning fact that the picture you had of your child must die and a new one take its place. Paria Hassouri faced this process when her child let her know she was a girl at 14. How did she not know? How would she protect her? How would they navigate the change; in their family, and in the world? Answering these questions would change all of them and deepen their love in ways they couldn't have predicted. This week, we'll talk with Paria about what she found during her child's transition.
Kelley Skoloda was a very healthy woman until she was diagnosed with cancer. Along with the brutal treatment came a new way of looking at her life. As a successful MBA with a thriving career, adjusting to a period of health challenge felt out of step. However, over time she applied her considerable skills to navigating her cancer and ultimately becoming a support for others going through cancer and treatment. Join us as we talk about what happened, what helped her, and what didn't.
When Gina Harris' parents died, she tried to stay connected to them through memory and music. As a jazz singer, over time she began to sing her sorrow, and her healing. The music that came out of this deep place in her led her to offer it to others, in performances and a podcast series dedicated to them and to her own grief process. Join us as we talk about what compelled her to create the series and how it helped her to move forward after loss.
How does a lifelong spiritual seeker face a serious cancer diagnosis? She commits to learning all she can from the experience. She gathers a team together of medical professionals, friends, healers and supporters who form a solid ground beneath her. She shares her experience for the benefit of others. She deepens her commitment to living in the moment and living life fully. She eliminates everything from her life that does not express what her heart is trying to communicate. She takes chances and tries new things. She observes. She loves herself through it. Be inspired by Bridgett Perry, coach and blogger, who truly lives with cancer!
Karen V. Johnson, a successful judge promised a lifetime appointment, was sure she would continue living the same way indefinitely. But when her son died of a heroin overdose she soon realized everything needed to change. Setting off on a quest to sooth her overwhelming grief, she found her way over time to a life she had never imagined, full of rich spiritual experiences, new practices and a freedom she had never allowed herself. Join us as we talk about how she learned to follow her own inner guide and leave behind what she had been taught to do- succeed and listen to others!
Little House on the Prairie personified a simple, pioneering and wholesome lifestyle, bringing love and family into our living rooms. It is still loved around the world long after the series ended. But what of the real people who created and starred in the show? Karen Grassle had struggled with building her acting career but was finding success in New York. She never imagined herself on t.v. until she was offered the role of Ma. How did her own struggles impact her in those years and how did she fight to be recognized as a costar- including the pay that should go along with it? Join us as we talk about her father's alcoholism (and her own) her passion for acting and a behind the scenes look at the iconic Little House on the Prairie. All these experiences led to a deep passion for women's rights.
When Rachel Michelberg's husband crashed into a vineyard, suffering a severe brain injury, she'd been thinking about leaving the marriage and even entertaining the idea of an affair. How would she find it within her to take care of him and their children? Shouldn't a wife naturally rise to the occasion? But she didn't feel able to do so. She faced her own judgement and disdain from some of the people around her (especially his family). In the process of coming to terms with what she could and couldn't do, she learned the power of supporting herself and being honest with herself about what was best for her, and maybe even the rest of her family!
An unconventional childhood led Jessica Vitalis, circuitously, to a career as a young adult fiction writer. In exploring themes of death and grief, domestic violence, and socio-economic disparities, she guides her young readers to grapple with the challenges that face them. Many of her stories create magic and fantastical environments that keep young readers engaged and helps to open them to the deep subjects Jessica shares. How did she come to this way of writing and how has it helped her to investigate her own life? Join us to find out.
When both of Meghan Riordan Jarvis' parents died within a short period of time she experienced what could only be called Post Traumatic Stress. As she moved through her experience she called on all her humor, wit and knowledge to go forward even when she didn't know how. What emerged was a new aspect of the work she was doing, dedicated to supporting other grievers. With her blog, podcast and soon to be released book, Chasing Dark Skies, sharing her own experience has brought comfort to a community of grievers, normalizing the experience in myriad ways.
Do you remember where you were when two jets plowed into the World Trade Center buildings? If you were at ground zero, you have a particularly harrowing story to tell. But that day affected most people no matter where we were. For the people who then navigated boats on the Hudson, their peaceful everyday world became a rescue operation. In interviews afterwards they shared the compelling drive that led them to improvise, regroup and help 10s of thousands of people get off the island of Manhattan, often at risk of their own lives. In gripping detail we learn their stories and also get confirmation of the best in us as human beings; the call to help when we see suffering.
What makes it possible for some of us to create the lives we dream of while others are held back by our life stories? Sherry Fernandez was always geared to growth. She never saw rough times in her childhood as a reason to fail. Even when she encountered bumps in the road she always looked for a way forward. Over many decades she noticed the skills that kept her on track. She studied with masters who added to her natural abilities. And over time she became a mentor for others, encouraging them to find a way to their best lives too! Join us to talk about some of the powerful tools that have led to a fulfilling and satisfying life.
Although a diagnosis of autism is not, by itself, a loss, many losses come as a result. Most autistic kids are bullied, kept out of activities they would enjoy and sometimes rejected by the people closest to them. Temple Grandin's mother decided early on to raise Temple with love but also to push her to have the best possible life. As a result, Temple has lived a life of meaning and purpose, helping to completely change the beef industry's practices and becoming a college professor. Her new book, Navigating Autism, offers advice from her own experience and from her knowledge of the science. Join us to learn about the different ways autism can present and how to support children to excel!
How does a nurse relate to death. What has she learned by being close to the people who are experiencing the end of life? And how are her personal experiences with death influenced by her professional ones? Acclaimed author Sallie Tisdale gives us a frank and open perspective on death based on all her own experiences and those of her patient. Unsentimental yet deeply human and warm, she helps us explore our own relationship to the thing we all do which so few of us are willing to talk about. Join us to discuss her latest book. Advice for Future Corpses (and Those Who Love Them).
The impact of Peg Conway's mother's death, when she was just 7, reverberated through her life, impacting her sense of safety, her reactivity and her sense of alienation. Maybe even more than the loss, the failure of her family to keep her mother alive for her created a gaping hole in her. It also resulted in the loss of ongoing connection with her mother's family when her father remarried. It wasn't until Peg gave herself permission to deeply explore her own grief and who her mother had been that she was able to find that connection again. In the process she came to understand not just her own story, but the stories of everyone in her family, including her father and siblings. Most importantly, she came to know her mother.
As an OB-GYN, Dr. Kate White knew almost everything about the physical aspects of miscarriage and pregnancy loss. But it wasn't until she experienced it herself that she truly understood the emotional impacts of a pregnancy that does not result in bringing a baby home. She set out to combine her vast knowledge with her new realization and in the process created a complete guide for families who grieve the loss of a pregnancy. What information helps families understand what has happened? And how can they be supported to grieve in whatever way they need? Her complete guide answers those questions.
After a loss we're so aware of the missed opportunities, the things we'll never be able to do with the person we love. For Katie Russell Newland, her mother's death made their dream of touring every baseball stadium, all in one year, an impossibility. Or did it? Could Katie fulfill the dream as a way to honor her mom and their relationship? After her own cancer diagnosis and treatment, Katie took the time and went on the trip her mother had envisioned when she was just a little girl. In the process she learned more about herself, her mom, their relationship and life itself!
When Leslie Streeter's husband, the love of her life, died suddenly after asking for kisses, she struggled to fulfill the life they had built together. Would she be able to complete the adoption of their son, not even 3 years old? How would she raise him alone? And how would she navigate this crushing grief? She would rely on community, family and humor to clear a path, taking one step at a time and guided by what her husband, Scott, had envisioned for them. Slowly, and surely, her way forward would become clear. But the pain of losing Scott, for herself and for their son, would have to be felt!
What pushes a world class economist and sociologist to become an expert in Post Traumatic Growth? What inspires him to believe that we can heal from trauma and find our way to lives beyond what we can imagine? Dr. Randall Bell, born with a congenital heart condition, was diagnosed with PTSD early in life. His own path to Mt. Kilimanjaro convinced him that as humans, we are able to go forward from traumatic experience. This led him to his passion for supporting others towards their best lives. His latest book, Post-Traumatic Thriving, tells the stories of many of the people he has supported over the years and shares some of the steps he has identified to find our own ways there.
There is no easy path from a devastating loss to who will become. Right after the loss and for an unpredictable amount of time after it can feel like going forward is impossible. For Meg Nocero, the impact of her mother's death and her career disappointments caused her to wonder whether there was any way forward. But those experiences pushed her to explore any healing mode that might help, including practices she couldn't have imagined previously. Slowly, over time, she found her way and found a way to guide others too! Who would have predicted she would eventually lead a pilgrimage on El Camino de Santiago in Spain! Committing to a life of growth and stepping into uncertainty, she found her way to a deeper relationship with herself and the world around her.
As a practicing medium who believed in heaven, Shauna Domalain could never have predicted how hard grief would hit after her son Jack's death. Years of pain followed and she was unable to use the tools that had served her so well before that terrible loss. But over time she began to receive signs that Jack could be found, that he was communicating with her. All she had to do was believe the messages she was receiving. As she came to rely more and more deeply on the close relationship between them she found her true calling; to help other mothers connect with the children they had lost. Her grief had led to her calling!
How can a mother and daughter reconcile when they cannot agree on the most basic of truths? As the author of Courage to Heal, Laura Davis became an advocate for women (and some men) who had experienced incest. But her mother Temme could not accept that Laura's grandfather had been her molester. Through years of struggle, they formed a relationship despite the hurt caused by Temme's inability to come to terms with the truth. Laura continued to heal from her trauma, creating a life of love and connection. When her mother precipitously moved to face the end of her life with Laura and her family, they would have one last chance to heal together, whether they shared the same view of history or not.
Nothing prepares a mother for hearing that their child is transgender. Along with protectiveness and confusion comes the stunning fact that the picture you had of your child must die and a new one take its place. Paria Hassouri faced this process when her child let her know she was a girl at 14. How did she not know? How would she protect her? How would they navigate the change; in their family, and in the world? Answering these questions would change all of them and deepen their love in ways they couldn't have predicted. This week, we'll talk with Paria about what she found during her child's transition.
Diana Kupershmit had the plans for her life clearly mapped out; finish college, graduate school, marry your high school sweetheart, start a family. She was not prepared for the jolt of the unexpected that arrived with the birth of her first child, Emma, who came with severe disabilities. Feeling unable and unprepared to raise a child with such profound needs, she and her husband looked for a family who could give her what she needed and love her too. But fate led Emma back to them, changing Diana's life, her beliefs and her capacity to believe in herself. In the process, she opened to a love that changed the way she felt about everyone in her life!
Trauma in our early lives, or even later into adulthood, rewires us to such a degree that life can become deeply frightening. Finding a way to foster healing involves listening to ourselves, looking for support and healing modalities that resonate for us, and finding a way to make living safe and growth-ful again. Jeanine Leblanc lost her mother young, but that was not the sum of her trauma, Feeling unsupported and ill used in that loss made it hard to recover. It took moving into her adulthood to make sense of herself and to find a way to offer support to others going through similar challenges. Join us as we talk about the community she formed to put the pieces back together and find a new resiliency.
Doctors have more experience than most with navigating the end of life. Yet when illness and death come close to home, their well crafted distance and objectivity no longer covers all the bases. As Martha Calihan faced the end of her husband's life, she had to learn to be both doctor and wife, retaining her powers of critical thinking in helping him making medical decisions and her powers of empathy and connection for him as wife. What changed in the process was her relationship to both death and what comes after, deepening her understanding of her world and her beliefs.
Abbe Greenberg and Maggie Sarachek have literally written the book on supporting yourself through anxiety and panic attacks. And of course, they tried it ALL to deal with their own anxiety, because experience is the best teacher! Join us to talk about how they each experienced anxiety, what they did to address it, and what it is like to support others through the same struggle. So much is lost as a result of anxiety; our freedoms, our sense of well-being, relationships and time! But confronting anxiety is possible and, through the process, we can develop a kinder attitude towards all our struggles.
When Vaneetha Rendell Risner found a deeper faith coming to terms with her childhood disabling polio, she thought that was the end of her challenges. Now, since she was walking with her hand in her God's, life would go well. But a series of deep losses, including the death of her son when he was less than 2 months old, once again shook her to her core. Join us to talk about her life-changing experience of walking through that fire of loss. In the end, the inner resources she discovered were deeper, truer, and longer lasting than anything she had experienced before!
The worst things in Mary Potter Kenyon's life led her inexorably back to her first love; writing. Her first book dealt with her husband's cancer diagnosis and the next two with her grief after the deaths of her mother, husband and grandson. Now immersed in this new life evolving out of her deepest sorrow, her next two books encourage others to use creativity to respond to their lives, thereby bringing about the same beauty and wonder she has found. Mary believes that each person's creative drive can be activated in the service of a meaningful and purpose driven life enhanced by great beauty. She now writes and speaks to spread the message that we are all creative- that it is our superpower!
Alone in a brand new city, Merissa Nathan Gerson set out to connect with her community. Her father shepherded the process, traveling with her to help her choose a house and set herself up for this new life. But very shortly after, he declined, rapidly approaching the end of his life. How does a single woman in a new city, far from her friendships and supports, get help with an unimaginable loss? Merissa identified what she needed and found ways to invite her new community into her world. As a result, she acquired valuable skills applicable not just to her own life but to other grievers as well. Her humor and tenacity shine through her guide, Forget Prayers Bring Cake, to all things grief (including legacies of trauma passed down through the generations). The result is a grief guide especially written for singles but helpful to anyone facing loss.
When a child is unwanted, abused and neglected it is no surprise they struggle in adulthood. It took Sabine Gedeon a long time to realize that she was replaying her early life in choosing poor relationships, overtaxing herself and repeating what she had learned in her family. Only when she reached the lowest point she had ever experienced, ready to end her life, did an experience of her own higher power, God, begin to lead her to something better. But she still had lots of work to do to fulfill the promise of a life of meaning, satisfaction and wonder. How did she learn to listen to those deep inner voices and how did she cultivate the courage to risk everything to create a life she wanted to live? Join us to find out.
As Nina Simone said, It is an artist's duty to reflect the time in which we live. The Artists' Grief Deck, a project that pairs visual artists with writers, offers visual and written representation of COVID's impact, especially regarding our losses. As it's creators say, COVID-19 presents a unique challenge, among natural disasters, to human culture. Loss is experienced on numerous levels, and it is ongoing. It is not geographically specific, and so there is no ‘getting out’ of the affected area to recuperate and heal. As it takes an enormous toll in human life, it also prevents us from gathering together to mourn, interrupting rituals of grieving across all cultures. Their project is a response to this global grief. Join me as I talk with Adriene Jenik, who created the deck in collaboration with Andrew Freiband, and two of its artists, Brianna L. Hernández Baurichter and William Rhodes.
What helps us as we face a lifetime of challenges? Boo Paterson tried it all and found that many things helped her when times were hard. But what helped the most was creative expression. She set out to find ways that people who didn't consider themselves artists could have the feeling of flow and immersion she experienced while creating art. The result is her book, First Art Kit: 25 Creative Papercraft Remedies for What Ails You. In simple paper projects created to address common emotional challenges, she invites readers to step into the world of creative expression whether or not they have ever considered themselves artists. And asa an extra bonus, she adds descriptions of the other modalities that have helped her along the way!
Cheryl Krauter and her husband, John, assumed she would die first. After all, she had lived through an aggressive breast cancer diagnosis that challenged her resilience and health. But then it was him, suddenly, with no warning at all. His heart attack killed him in under five minutes. Taken to her knees but relying on the tools she had relied on to navigate cancer and every other challenge in her life, Cheryl acknowledged her experience, noticed what seemed to help her, and looked for the power in her own experience, including magic serendipity. Months after his death, he won the fly fishing trip in the yearly raffle he had tried for years to win. Now she would take the trip to honor him while grappling with how to move forward.
When Emily Threatt's first husband died, she didn't anticipate ever marrying again. But then, as sometimes happens with life's twists and turns, she fell in love. Her experience when her second husband died was different from that first loss and she began to think we can actually get better at grief, that we learn things that help us navigate the losses in our lives. She felt drawn to help other people move forward after loss as she had. Through writing about her experiences and encouraging others to write about theirs, she discovered a new calling, based on her own life lessons.
It was a day in the life of a talented entrepreneur and her family. The kids were headed off to games and an audition, set to showcase their talents. The adults were their chauffeurs and cheerleaders. And then, into this beautiful day came the gunman, an antisemitic assailant to stole the lives of three people. Two of them were Mindy Corporon's son and father, at the synagogue for the young man's audition. How does a person find a way forward from such tragic and hate based violence? Putting one shattered step in front of the other, Mindy devoted her life to building bridges across differences, creating an antidote to the hatred that shattered her family
Our picture of widowhood conjures a grey haired woman, maybe a grandmother, mourning the loss of a life long love. But that picture does not always fit the facts. Melissa Gould was young, still raising a child, when her husband, the love of her life, died. How would she move forward into a life she never anticipated? What would support her along the way? In her intimate and illuminating memoir, we learn not only what she relied on to reimagine her life, but also what she slowly began to offer others. Candid and transparent, her story will resonate with anyone who has experienced a loss they never anticipated and suddenly had no idea how their lives would go.
There is a comfort in growing up in a cult; believing absolutely in whatever we are taught, giving members a framework for all the difficulties in life. But for many, there is a terrible price to pay; suspending our own capacity to process information and determine our own truth, denying evident contradictions, limiting our own possibilities. For Angela Himsel, the path away from the cult she was raised in led to a complete reorganization of her beliefs, evident in the biggest change possible; from a Christian cult to conversion into Judaism. How did she come to question what she was raised with? ow did the death of her sister both make it hard to leave and make it inevitable? What drew her to a tradition seemingly far from her childhood? And what did she gain along the way?
What does it mean to us when we dream about a person in our life who has died? Sometimes we are working to understand the loss or move forward from it. Sometimes we are plagued by the need to know that they are ok. Sometimes we hope for just one more moment, one more time to feel as if they are with us. Whether our dreams are positive or negative, they are significant. Joshua Black had a dream after his father died that changed his grief. His dream was comforting and led him to feel more at peace with his loss. This led to a deep desire to understand grief dreams. He changed directions, getting a PhD based on research and writing into grief dreams. He originated a podcast, Grief Dreams, to explore with others they dreams. His own experience led him to a passion for the subject and has made him a world recognized expert in the field.
Just getting a call that someone you love has died brings grief and profound impact. But what if the second call is from a police officer theorizing that your uncle, your mother's brother, has killed her? This stark and terrifying day sent Kory Marie on a quest not only to navigate her own grief, but to try to discover what had happened. And then, it became clear over time that there were aspects of her mother's life and death she would never truly know for sure. With an inquisitive mind geared to finding answers and an ability developed over a lifetime to investigate her own feelings, she set out on a path of discovery, weaving her mother's story with her own. Ultimately, this would evolve into a podcast, Why Killed My Mother, that blends her experience with what she discovered researching her mother and her family, trauma, and what we must accept as mystery.
What we create as a result of learning to navigate our grief is unique; a creative expression of our deepest lives. For Reid Peterson, creating the Grief Refuge app reflected his deep desire to offer a daily companion to people who had experienced loss. But first he had to work with his own grief for the two men who had fathered him; his father and stepfather. After each of their deaths, he chose to move towards the feelings he was having and find ways to support himself and, ultimately, to grow in compassion and self love. Now, he is committed to offering the same to others.
Nothing prepares us for the three words you have cancer. How do people facing this frightening diagnosis navigate the emotional fallout which, for most, will be a significant aspect of their cancer experience? When Cynthia Hayes faced her own diagnosis, she felt ill equipped to help herself. Over time she gathered new skills and trusted advisors to support her. She felt compelled to offer what she had learned, and what she researched, to other people facing what she had faced. The result is The Big Ordeal; a guide, a storehouse of information and a source of encouragement and support. Join us as we talk about how Cynthia dealt with her own ordeal and what it led to.
Faith Wilcox faced the unimaginable. Her healthy, accomplished and intelligent 13 year old was diagnosed with a lethal form of cancer and, despite the best efforts of her health care team, she died in less than a year. In the meantime, Faith had left the bad marriage she had endured for years. She knew she could not help her daughter through this illness and stay married to her husband. Her older daughter faced the loss of her sister and, at least temporarily, the loss of her mother; the focus was on her sister. With the help of a caring and supportive community, Faith put one foot in front of the other, through a painful process of building an entirely new life. In the process, she found a star in her night, a reason to keep going, and blessings in the losses.
When Lily Dulan gave birth to her baby girl, it seemed like the culmination to years of work to create the life she'd envisioned. Despite complications at the start, her child was given a clean bill of health and she and her husband joyfully headed home. But not long after, her beautiful baby Kala died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. None of the work she'd done n the past to heal from her traumas prepared her for this. But over time, she inched her way forward, creating meaning and deepening the practices she had already found, leading to revelations of her own calling in the world. Her passion grew to help other people through their worst losses and challenges, as she had been helped.
Arriving for a weekend trip, Lisa Goich was unprepared to hear that her beloved mother had just 2 weeks to live. Suspending her everyday life, Lisa devoted herself to her mother's care, fulfilling a deep commitment to honor their relationship. In the process Lisa's relationship to death itself changed. Resulting in two books; 14 Days: A Mother, A Daughter, a Two-Week Goodbye and I Wonder: A Guided Grief Journal, Lisa applied the lessons of a lifetime she learned in that short time watching her mother face her own death, at peace and able to allow her family to take care of her.
There is a comfort in growing up in a cult; believing absolutely in whatever we are taught, giving members a framework for all the difficulties in life. But for many, there is a terrible price to pay; suspending our own capacity to process information and determine our own truth, denying evident contradictions, limiting our own possibilities. For Angela Himsel, the path away from the cult she was raised in led to a complete reorganization of her beliefs, evident in the biggest change possible; from a Christian cult to conversion into Judaism. How did she come to question what she was raised with? ow did the death of her sister both make it hard to leave and make it inevitable? What drew her to a tradition seemingly far from her childhood? And what did she gain along the way?
When the unimaginable happens, each of us enters our own grief language, unique to our deepest selves. When Mike Bernhardt's wife died in 1991, poetry (both writing and reading it) connected him to his own pain and, over time, healing. As time went forward, he wanted to share the gift of poetry with other grievers and began collecting poems that spoke to him, resulting in a compilation; Voices of the Heart. 30 years later, during COVID, Mike is re-releasing the collection, adding poetry that illuminates his evolution since and also speaks to the tremendous level of grief going on as a result of the pandemic.
Up until recently, families who experienced pregnancy loss, still birth and other reproductive losses had very little to depend on to carry them through the confusing and heartbreaking grief of a loss society often fails to recognize. Recently, several public figures have chosen to talk publicly about these losses in their own lives, opening up the conversation and helping other women who have experienced these losses to know they are not alone. Into this conversation comes a book designed to support and guide women grieving the babies they will never know. Three authors collaborated to offer guidance and share experience; Kim Hooper, who experienced the loss of four pregnancies before her daughter was born, Meredith Resnick, who worked for 2 decades in health care, supporting those in grief and Dr. Huong Diep, a board certified psychologist. Together they offer both experience and information, creating a powerful support for grieving. They'll join Good Grief to talk about how we can all increase our wisdom about the impact of pregnancy loss and early baby death.
How often have you heard someone who has been through loss say they are living their lives to honor the person they lost? This impulse to give back ofter loss is powerful and pure. But the shape it takes varies, showing itself in unique and moving ways. For David Richman, the death of his sister from cancer led to a 5,000 mile bicycle trip to raise money and also to explore existential questions of life and death her illness had awoken in him. The result is a book about the people along the way who shared their thoughts and feelings with him, deepening his understanding of living and dying. His book, Cycle of Lives, shares their stories. What did he learn and how did his loss, grief and what came out of it change his life?
What turns do our lives take after cancer? Dawn Newton wrote a memoir about the lung cancer that dropped into her life so unexpectedly. It would take nine years for the next chapter in her life as a writer to unfold- novelist. Did coming through a time full of challenge affect the book, The Remnants of Summer? How does she believe facing cancer changed her? Writing a book of fiction that confronts loss and grief could well have been informed by her experience, by the potential loss of her very life. And just maybe, she became even more deeply committed to writing it! Join us to explore how she changed in the process and what she has to share about following her own path.
Of all the words that can touch our lives, you have cancer are some of the most frightening. For Nancy Novack, her diagnosis also made clear how little she knew about this new world and what she would need to face the next steps. Following her successful treatment for Stage IV ovarian cancer, she committed to offer resources to others facing a cancer diagnosis; to offer hope, information and resources to people in the same situation she had faced. As a thank you to the universe, Nancy's List, the organization she created, and I Am With You, the book she compiled, give people newly diagnosed the hand they need to hold as they navigate a new universe. And in the process, Nancy gives meaning to that terrible time and the support and love that held her through it.
Singer Amikaeyla has spent her career sharing musical healing with people facing challenges around the world. Out of her own deep experiences with music as a force for healing, her work is fueled by a belief in its magic powers. So what has this last year during a pandemic, when her work was altered and sometimes unrecognizable, been like? What has kept her optimism and personal healing going? What lessons she learned over many years have come to the fore this year? Join us as we talk together about the practices, perspectives and power that have supported us each in this most unprecedented time.
In a short span of time, Maria Kefalas' husband, father and father-in-law were all diagnosed with life limiting cancer. But none of them knew that would not be the worst thing they would face. Her 2 year old daughter's diagnosis with MLD, an incurable and universally fatal illness, would take her grief to an even deeper place. And facing life with a dying child and husband would seem, at first, impossible. Over time, though, Maria found her way to her own meaning and purpose and learned what would help her to face everything that was coming. In the process, she also helped many other families she would meet facing these same unimaginable losses.
How do the lives left behind when parents leave their country and culture impact their first generation children? Esther Amini's parents carried with them the fears, oppressions and traditions they left but also the grit and determination it took to create a new life. Confused as a child about what caused them to behave the way they did, Esther has spent a lifetime seeking to understand them and, ultimately, herself. In the process, she has come to admire them more deeply and also to feel the grief of what they struggled with. We will talk about her memoir and the impact on her of searching for her own identity even as she worked to maintain the family bonds that were vital to her.
In the hardest of times, what moves us, inspires us and takes us that one step further? For Neil Beresin, a counselor and interfaith chaplain, it is often poetry. What he learned during his own most difficult times now serves the people he works with, offering inspiration when all seems bleak. What poems most speak to him and to them? How does he bring poetry into the room for comfort and resonance? And what can we all learn about the power of poetic expression in our own lives? When poetry captures the depth of the human experience, it has the potential of changing our lives while keeping us company along the way. Join us as we explore the impact of poetry in Neil's life and what he's learned along the way.
When Keith Cormican's brother died in an attempt at a water rescue, it sparked his search for safe ways to offer families the closure of their loved ones' recovered body. Knowing how important it is to honor the person with our personal burial traditions, he became impassioned advocate for the families of drowning victims. Free of charge, he now travels wherever a family has need of his services and has become a leading expert in safe water recovery. In honor of his brother, he conducts his own recoveries and trains other to operate safely when this service is needed. In the process, he has witnessed and been invited into traditions generations old that honor and memorialize loved ones after they die. It his his honor to help the grieving family go forward.
Like many people, Eilene Zimmerman believed drug addiction lived in another world, far from her family. That was until her ex-husband, the father of her children, died of an overdose and she discovered his body. How had everyone missed the signs of an ever increasing relationship to substances that was robbing him of his health, his career and his capacity to focus on the important relationships in his life? Eilene became intent on answering her questions about how a brilliant, high powered attorney went down this path, what prevented him from reaching out for the help he clearly needed and what education is needed so that the signs of addiction in a loved one are more easily identified. As a journalist, her search for answers accompanied her through her own (and her childrens') grief, indistinguishable from one another. Her memoir, Smacked, illuminates her own process and what she learned along the way.
Alua Arthur was an attorney working with the most difficult problems we could imagine; abuse, poverty and assault. But she had done the work with energy and joy until she suddenly found herself depressed and uninspired, lacking any joy in the work. Knowing she would have to leave the work she had loved, it took some time to find her true life's calling; helping people prepare to die and then accompanying them and their families through death. Join us to hear the fascinating way she found passion for working with death and how she finds joy in the field. How can what most people avoid bring smiles and deep satisfaction? And how does she help others find the same peace and preparation, leaving room for joy and life for as long as it's possible? A death doula, Alua dedicates her life to these questions.
COVID-19 has been challenging in different ways for different people. Some of us are experiencing more isolation and loss than we were. Some of us, especially in industries directly affected by the pandemic, are working harder. And then there are those of us who are caring for children, trying to balance relationships, parenting, jobs and social isolation. This has highlighted the differential effects of child raising on women, who still bear an outsized burden for our home lives. Zibby Owens has interviewed so many women authors for her podcast, Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books. So she was very aware, as a parent herself, of all the things moms don't have time for, especially those things that feed our souls. Her newest compilation, Moms Don't Have Time To: A Quarantine Anthology, gives voice to both the struggles and the triumphs of this most unique time.
As Nina Simone said, It is an artist's duty to reflect the time in which we live. The Artists' Grief Deck, a project that pairs visual artists with writers, offers visual and written representation of COVID's impact, especially regarding our losses. As it's creators say, COVID-19 presents a unique challenge, among natural disasters, to human culture. Loss is experienced on numerous levels, and it is ongoing. It is not geographically specific, and so there is no ‘getting out’ of the affected area to recuperate and heal. As it takes an enormous toll in human life, it also prevents us from gathering together to mourn, interrupting rituals of grieving across all cultures. Their project is a response to this global grief. Join me as I talk with Adriene Jenik, who created the deck in collaboration with Andrew Freiband, and two of its artists, Brianna L. Hernández Baurichter and William Rhodes.
Can we ever understand the place a spouse holds in our lives? Often, that understanding comes only after the sudden and terrible loss of that person. Jeff Porter's wife, as it turned out, was the planet around which his life, in some ways, orbited. Her sudden death threw him into outer space, careening into memories, unmoored and trying to make sense of the un-sensible. His attempt to grapple with how his life would go forward without its center point led him to unexpected reaches of his own inner self. In an ongoing conversation with the brilliant, loving and solid person his wife had been, he must come face to face with what he did, didn't do and could never change about their relationship. Still in love with her, he kept the conversation going by writing Planet Claire, a memoir about his loss and the power of their life together.
Grief- what's in it for us? Katherine Ingram had to answer this question for herself when her husband died suddenly. Along with the deep pain of that loss, unresolved feelings about the death of her father when she was eight opened up as well. Her realization that she would have to go through every bad and ugly feeling she was having, avoiding nothing, led to the writing of a memoir, Washing the Bones, and a career working with grief. She comes back to Good Grief to talk about her new book, Grief Girl's Guide, and what she has learned over the years about how to navigate the reality of loss and what we may find at the end of the road. Not only does she believe we are big enough to handle all the big feelings, she also believes that the meaning we find along the way can become our most valuable resource.
When Liz Tichenor's mother killed herself, it would have been hard to imagine a loss more crushing, even though her mother had struggled with addiction for most of Liz' life. But shortly after that Liz' son, only forty days old, died inexplicably and sent Liz into a territory of loss and grief unfamiliar to her. As she struggled to carry herself through those most terrible days, she knew that her work as an Episcopal priest would be forever impacted. She also knew she had to tell the truth; to herself, her children and her parishioners. Her message would now carry the deep experience of her grief and the life she built going forward. She would never be the same- and she would offer everything she learned in this deepest time to the people she leads.
What does it mean to hold space for another person? And how do we hold space for ourselves? When Heather Plett's mother was dying, she discovered that holding space for her, without an agenda or any idea what would happen next, launched her and her siblings into a sacred, liminal space of being. Heather received the same fro her mother's palliative care nurse; she offered support and information when needed without expectation, allowing Heather and her family to find their own way. After this most profound lesson, Heather built a career dedicated to exploring communities and relationships resting on the foundation of holding space. Join us to talk about the principles of this foundation and how to honor ourselves as we show up for those we care about. What makes for a healthy relationship of mutual holding, and how do we deal with the discomfort of saying no to things that are not right for us?
When Tembi Locke spent a college semester in Italy, it changed the course of her life. Meeting Saro, the man she would love and marry, filled her with joy and also challenged them both to bridge the gap between his Sicilian farm family and her Houston Texas family of civil rights activists. Over time their persistence and courage began to connect their two families. But no struggle before it could have prepared them for Saro's ten years living with cancer, his death, and Tembi's grief. Who could have predicted that Tembi would find her way forward in grief at the table of her mother-in-law, in her small home in Siciliy. Join us to talk about the road Tembi took to find her future.
2020 has turned up the volume on our need for empathy and love! In 2018, Kelsey Crowe and I talked about how to get better at offering true empathy. How much do you know about offering empathy when someone you love is having hard times? Kelsey Crowe found that many people in her own life had a hard time being there for her through her own most difficult moments. Then she noticed that she was not great at it either! It became her mission to learn and teach the skills that lead to a sense that we are loved, supported, and trusted to find our own solutions. The book she co-authored with Emily McDowell, There is No Good Card for This, is a practical guide to support. Her organization, Help Each Other Out, offers valuable services for becoming more empathically wise and offering greater compassion to the people in we care about. Join us as we talk about her hard won lessons and how she learned them.
In the past several years green burial options have become more and more important to those of us who want to protect the planet. Green burial, which uses no embalming, no casket and leaves the land as it was found, is a very appealing option. But there are very few green burial grounds in the U.S. Mary Ann Perry and the women at the Willow-Witt Ranch in Oregon set out to create just such a space. The use of the ranch as a burial ground gives its owners a way to conserve the land, commit to maintaining the natural environment and offer an alternative to the standard funeral industry. It also gives families a beautiful and natural way to honor the life of their loved ones. Mary Ann, the sexton for the project, will join us to talk about their first funerals, the principles of green burial, and what led her to a passion for this work.
After her father committed suicide, Karen Wyatt questioned everything about her life, including whether she wanted to continue practicing medicine. If she couldn't help this most important person in her life, what did it all mean? But what slowly evolved was a career she couldn't have predicted; as a hospice doctor and a support to battered women. Over time she came to trust that there was a way to follow her galaxy self- that broader view of life and its possibilities. Instead of living in the garden view in which everyday life and supplying her needs was her only focus, blending these two very different aspect of her soul brought greater peace, more perspective and surprising new adventures. Through the long path to understanding, she learned that although we all need an ego to take action in the world, it leads us astray if it is not informed by the deepest murmurs of our souls. We will talk about her newest book which guides readers towards their own explorations.
People who have not experienced deep loss may believe that grievers like to be cheered up, distracted, told about happy things. But often, deep expressions from other mourners does more. In our shared humanity we walk together, acknowledging the pain and also the moments of beauty and poetry that come with loss. After her husband died, Barbara Abercrombie, an accomplished writer herself, found comfort in the words of expressions of those who had already been there. Her collection of these writings, The Language of Loss, allows readers to dive into the experience of their loss and find company there. More than anything, it supports our right to be where we are and feel what we feel. Join us as we talk about grief; our own and others.
A sudden disabling stroke hit Annette Libeskind Berkovits' son, leaving him unable to care for himself, or his wife and children and leaving her in deep grief. She wrote as a way to respond to the crushing weight of his circumstance, needing to put words on paper to navigate this strange and unfamiliar territory. Over time, her writing evolved into poetry and her poetry into a book, drawing on the phrase she had learned along the way; Erythra Thalassa- brain interrupted. Join us as we talk about how she came to terms with the losses her family suffered after her son's stroke and what helps her to go forward, accepting the new normal that she and her family experience.
Facing a cancer diagnosis presents unique losses, challenges and adaptations. How we face those times and how those around us support us makes all the difference in the overall experience of cancer. Supporting her mother through cancer, Rebecca Whitehead Munn learned what it took to truly be there for someone navigating this perilous world. What she hadn't anticipated was the depth of knowledge of herself she would gain, and how that would lead to her own best life. It also led to a bigger life purpose for her; to capture her own experience and that of others who had had cancer or supported a loved one through it and offer these experiences as inspiration and guidance for others.
Good Grief has been on the air for 7 years, a momentous anniversary for the show and for the host, Cheryl Jones. Join her to hear what she has learned from her over 300 guests; how her own perspective has been reinforced by listening to them, what carries her forward after her own losses and what she knows about facing hard times. How does Cheryl practice what she preaches? By allowing for her grief, finding comfort and solace, finding inspiration and taking action in concert with her own personal. These are the principles she knows will carry her through any crisis.
Nothing prepares anyone for times of extreme loss. Autumn Toelle-Jackson was leading a charmed life; married to the love of her life, with two healthy children, 2 1/2 and newborn. But then, over the course of just a few years, Autumn's husband died suddenly, a close relative died suddenly, her grandfather ailed and died and the baby she had, just two years later, with the second great love of her life died at 4 months old. How could her faith help her when she was furious with God? What would she need to do to renew her life and regenerate her hope for the future? In the end, it was diving into the depth of her grief, holding nothing back, that brought her into her new and second life.
What are the practices that can help us find peace after loss? Nothing takes grief away, but many practices help us to support ourselves in grief, to go deeply into our own territory and find our way to the new. Claire Willis, familiar with grief herself, shares the practices she has found helpful in her book Opening to Grief. Always gentle and accepting of what we may not be ready to try, she gives us a door ajar into the room of our difficulties. In the process, grief becomes something do-able, and something we can find meaning in. Join us as we talk about the practices, life after loss, loss during COVID-19 and all the twists and turns we take to our new lives. voiceamerica.com/episode/86477/lasting-words
Malcolm Stern had worked hard to develop his inner life and bring his best to his family, friends and the clients he worked with as a group therapist. But when his daughter Melissa ended her life, it became crystal clear how these skills were supporting him through the worst time in his life. He realized that they were the bedrock of his ability to support himself through his grief. Out of this realization came a deep desire to share those skills with others facing challenges. His book, Slay Your Dragons With Compassion, was born out of his abiding belief in the practices that stood under his feet through those terrible days.
Nothing prepares a mother for hearing that their child is transgender. Along with protectiveness and confusion comes the stunning fact that the picture you had of your child must die and a new one take its place. Paria Hassouri faced this process when her child let her know she was a girl at 14. How did she not know? How would she protect her? How would they navigate the change; in their family, and in the world? Answering these questions would change all of them and deepen their love in ways they couldn't have predicted. This week, we'll talk with Paria about what she found during her child's transition.
The death of Shelby Forsythia's mother when she was 21 plunged her into a depth of grief she wasn't prepared for. But then it led her to her calling; to guide others through the rugged terrain of loss. Her book, Your Grief Your Way, offers a daily guide of support for grievers, giving them permission to follow the unique twists and turns of their individual mourning and offering practical experiments to try along the way. Interwoven with her own grief experience, she offers the kind of advice that helped her, hoping to ease the path for anyone facing the death of a loved one and the grief that comes after.
The losses that come with addiction are very clear to the people who love the addict. Addiction robs a person, and their family and community, of the person that could have been. And then sometimes it steals a life completely. Rose Andersen knows first hand how addiction affects a person, because she herself travelled that road, eventually finding her sobriety and a life she wanted to live. Her sister was not able to find the way through and, instead, lost her life, leaving her family and community to navigate the profound grief of it. Rose was left with many questions: Why was she able to find recovery when her sister was not? Did she contribute to her sister's inability to love herself? What in the life of their family led to both of their addictions? And what would life be like now that Sarah could never find her way, now that she was dead?
Rissi Palmer's mother was larger than life. She only became more so when she died when Rissi was just a child. How did that loss affect her going forward? Without the chance to define her own identity, different from her mother's, and mature in her sense of who she was with her mother present, how could she find her way? The loss of a mother affects their children throughout all the landmarks and experiences they have throughout a lifetime. As a musician, Rissi has given voice to the loss and applied her creativity to a wrestling with what has been missing. Now an adult with children of her own, how does that loss weave itself through the rest of her life? We'll be talking about becoming herself, separate from the incomplete picture she has of her mother and how she has navigated grief over her lifetime. And we'll explore how her creative expression has supported her. She'll share some music too!
On a family adventure while white water rafting, Irene O'Garden had to depend on her siblings to navigate the river. For her, the trip connected to a life long effort to heal and to come to terms with her childhood. And although she was focused purely on survival during the trip, she found that afterwards, something had changed for her. She had added a new chapter to her lifelong journey. From the clearing of old hurts and losses came a deepened joy and appreciation for life, culminating in her later book, Glad to Be Human. How does facing our challenges lead to a greater joy in living? Join us as we explore life's sorrows and beauties.
In the seventy years Tim Seelig has lived, half was spent as a religious music conductor from a famous Christian family. But when Tim came out at 35, that life was over. He was unceremoniously ousted from everything and everyone he knew. His highly respected career was also over. And his second life began, as a conductor of LGBTQ choruses. This new life culminated in Tim becoming the director of the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus. And although he had lost everything, there was no regret- for the second half of his life he would live as authentically himself. Through so many losses, including the death of his beloved daughter, knowing who he is and where he finds support has seen him through. His memoir, Tale of Two Tims: Big Ol' Baptist Big Ol' Gay, tells the story of all these losses (and gains) with humor and grace.
Why would anyone offer to listen, free of charge, to strangers as they share their deepest experiences? When Helena Dea Bala found herself confronting a profound lack of meaning in her life, she had a surprising and unexpected conversation with a homeless man she met outside the building where she worked. The depth of their sharing was so alive she wanted more. Eventually she would leave the career she had built as an attorney to listen to strangers every day as they poured their hearts out. Lending an ear gave her life more fulfillment than she could have imagined, and the stories she heard evolved into a book!
Needing a job to make ends meet, Gregor Collins stumbled into one of the most meaningful three years of his life. With absolutely no experience as a personal caregiver, his friend begged him to work for Maria Altmann, the inspiration for the film Woman in Gold. Having survived the holocaust she went on to live a life filled with meaning and depth, and also great love. She then pursued what many thought would be a hopeless lawsuit, fighting to having the art stolen from her family returned to them, including Woman in Gold, a Klimt painting of her aunt. Defying expectation, she won. And getting to know her Gregor could see how her tenacity, charm and sheer lovability must have contributed to the result. His initial reluctance to take on the job turned into three years of adventure, learning and love. At the end of her life and the start of his, their deep affection saw them both through and helped them towards the next steps; the end of her life and the fulfillment of his.
Dena Taylor's honest and excellent book, I Don't Wanna Be Pink, was a manuscript when she joined us on Good Grief in it's first year, 2014. Fast forward to 2020 and it is out in the world, still moving and hilarious. How has Dena's experience facing a breast cancer diagnosis, treatment and all the fears that come along with that impacted her since? And does she still hate all the pink ribbons and rah rah cheerleading that come along with that diagnosis? Refusing to be defined by that one experience, Dena joins us to talk about what a cancer diagnosis did, and didn't do, to her life.
Many people believe that grief can be completed and that when it is, we will have closure. We will no longer need to remember and think about the person we've lost. But more and more, we are recognizing that remembering our person and sharing our grief is a healthy way forward. As a response to her own loss, Fran Solomon founded Heal Grief, establishing on line program designed to connect grievers at every stage of life. Seeing an unmet need for young people to share their grief she established the program Actively Moving Forward. The program recognizes that one in three young adults is grieving and that young grievers have often moved to college or out into life without the crucial support needed to thrive. How powerful to connect grievers through an app which can be accessed anywhere! We'll be talking about this program, and all of the Heal Grief platforms insuring that no one has to grieve alone.
In a world where we need more civility, substance and compassion, Rabbi Daniel Cohen set out to try to define what it means to live a purposeful life. How do we define what really matters so that our lives match our deep beliefs and inspirations? Hi book, What Will They Say About Me when I'm Gone?, explores the questions of meaning through guided questioning and meaningful stories about people who have lived lives of purpose, leaving a legacy for their families and communities. Join us as we explore the most important questions we can ask ourselves and the way to find out own answers. Rabbi Cohen speaks with the voice of someone who has witnessed his congregation coming to grips with these questions, but also as someone who lives out the legacies of those in his own life who have defined meaning for him. As a result, he is intent on living a life that matters!
When Janna Lopez hit 50, her world seemed to fall apart. In what she later describes as a Dark Flight of the Self, she seemed unrecognizable to herself which propelled her into a deep grief for who she had been. Unlike depression she had navigated in the past, insight was elusive and unattainable. Instead, she felt as if she was crawling along, unsure what was right ahead of her. Small things, photographing a hummingbird, slowing down, feeling her way along, began to help her form a new concept of herself and led her to a new life. Her book, Me, My Selfie and Eye, chronicles her unfamiliar path and describes the intersection of a youth culture, menopause and aging with clarity and humor. Join us to talk about it!
Miriam Feldman and her husband Craig were successful artists raising four children in Los Angeles. They were a happy family, with a great confidence in all their children succeeding in whatever they chose. Their son Nick, in particular, was a gifted artist himself, and they looked forward to watching him blossom and grow. But as he reached early adulthood, disturbing symptoms forced them to reckon with the fact that Nick was struggling with mental illness, which over time would be diagnosed as schizophrenia. Facing the challenges of his illness, each person had to find a new way to live and the family as a whole could no longer be as it once was. What did it take to navigate both the illness itself and the toll it took on all of them? How would they find their way forward, grieving what they once were and finding their new life? Join us as Miriam Feldman shares their way forward and where they are now.
When your child is a journalist working in dangerous locations around the world, worry goes with the territory. But the alert goes down when she is near home. Yett that is when Ingrid Wall's daughter lost her life covering a seemingly benign story. Along with the tremendous grief of facing her death came the horror of how she died and the fact that she became such a big news story herself. How did her parents survive those terrible days? By finding a way to honor her that emphasizes who she was, not how she died.
Ken Ross grew up immersed in the work of his mother, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Unlike most people in the West, he was immersed in a world where death, dying and grief wer openly talked about and explored. How did he come to view his unique experience with the pioneering author of On Death and Dying? We will talk about his mother's work, his childhood and how he carries her work forward, honoring the legacy she left. We'll also explore how he thinks his own perspective on end of life has been formed by his unusual upbringing.
Losing a sibling at any age has a deep impact on how we see ourselves in the world. Aside from parents, siblings carry more of our history than nearly anyone else. So what happens when your sister is diagnosed with a disabling and lethal cancer? When Lila Glasoe Franceses sister Carolyn was diagnosed with Glioblastoma she had no idea what lay ahead of them. All she knew was that she was going to do everything she could be there for Carolyn. Along the way, she learned more than she asked for and fulfilled her promise to see her sister through it- to the very end and beyond.
What does it take to prepare ourselves to do the work of anti-racism? At this time when there is an outcry against racism and oppression, many white Americans are confronting the hard truth that we benefit from the system that oppresses others. How do we face that truth, which involves a loss of who we thought we were, and find unique actions we can sustain to bring about change? Kate Schatz has been searching for answers to these questions for years and, when her friend W. Kamau Bell offered her up as a white person willing to help Conan O'Brien sort it out, she became a resource for many people asking the hard questions and searching for the true answers.
In times when the inequities and oppressions of the world are obvious to all whose eyes are open, how do we keep hope alive, not only for ourselves but for our children? Sean Perry dedicates his life to the mental health needs of kids and has plenty to say about what helps all of us find our way in the midst of challenges. Join us for a conversation about what each of us can contribute to a better world; for ourselves and for the generations of human beings that will come after us.
Alia Volz' mother sold marijuana baked goods in a time when that was illegal. At first, it was a rebellious way to make a living. But then the AIDS epidemic made it so much more; a struggle for the right of patients to use every tool available to feel better. Growing up in the midst of the political battle over marijuana, Alia also learned the history of why it was illegal when alcohol was not, a history of racism and criminalization. How did her unusual childhood affect her perspective on her family, her city and the world? Join us to talk about how her mom's work wove itself into her life.
Suzanne Falter's life came to a halt when her 22 year old daughter died. She was no longer able to overwork, give more than she had, and keep up with the constant demands to achieve. Brought to her knees, she discovered that if she listened to what she really needed, even in those most terrible days, she could find her way to a greater sense of peace. Over time the discovery of self care in her life led to a brand new career encouraging other women to care for themselves. More than that, it led to a new way to live, putting herself before all the demands. And surprisingly, instead of reducing her successes, everything got better. Perhaps taking care of herself was, after all, the way to a happier and more fulfilling life!
There is solace in speaking our grief and yet many of us are unprepared for true listening. How can we honor the voices of grief, the true feelings that come along with the death of someone we love? In Lindsey Whissel Fenton's film Speaking Grief she shares the voices of people living with loss and suggests ways we can become better at supporting and honoring those voices. In the process, we are able to make space for our own grief and feel the relief that comes when we hear the simple message that what we feel is normal, expected and sacred.
Novelists are often asked whether the book comes from their own experiences. The answer can be complex. For even when the story is not autobiographical, there is a thread of who we are and what we've experienced running underneath. After writing Godshot, Chelsea Bieker realized that her separation from her mother when she was a child, and the course of their severed relationship, led her to explore the themes of separation through fiction. Join us to talk about how her loss has influenced her life and her art and what came out in the book. How did she come to realize that in a book of fiction, she was exploring her own story?
Bernie Siegel MD, NY Times bestselling author of Love, Medicine and Miracles continues his profound contribution of wisdom and insights to our world with his new book When You Realize How Perfect Everything Is co-authored with his grandson Charlie Siegel.
Based on the anonymous quote 'When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.' Bernie and Charlie Siegel share through their poetic short writings their belief that the imperfections of life are truly what is perfect about it.
Bernie and Charlie remind us that we are all knocked down sometimes by life’s difficulties, but it is the rising back up that counts. That when we dare to experience life to its’ fullest, the imperfections of life are an opportunity for us to grow.
What makes us human? In a culture oriented towards the mind, it is easy to think that how well we can reason and express ourselves hold the keys. But this leads to a rejection of those of us who lose that ability. What about people with Alzheimers, or developmentally disabled people, or people with declining mental powers in old age? It is tempting to think that without mental powers and memory, human love and interaction ceases to matter. But what if it matters more, or at least as much? In her work as a chaplain Lynn Casteel Harper noticed how often people with memory and cognition disabilities were under attended as human being. She noticed that although her patients were less able to express themselves, active engagement was still possible and made a huge difference. As time went on this perspective became critically important for loving family members with the same deficits. In her book, On Vanishing, she proposes a new way of looking at people who have lost memory.
Across the great divide in America, city dwellers and the nation's farmers often fail to understand each other. Marie Mutsuki Mockett set out to close the gap, going back to the place in Nebraska where her family owns a farm and listening with her whole heart to the many of the men and women who raise the food that keeps all of us alive; midwest rural America. She travelled to seven states to participate with them in harvest. In the process, her ideas, assumptions and beliefs were challenged, leaving an indelible mark on her heart and mind. When we are able to truly listen to each other, how does it affect our view of the world? Does it lead to greater understanding and tolerance? How can we be true to ourselves while truly respecting the other person? Marie comes back from the heartland with some answers and many questions, inviting us to share with her a profound lesson in acceptance. Launching as we are all facing the effects of COVID-19, the book is timely in that it also takes a look at front line workers who help keep our food supply open.
Finding a way to live our truest lives is not always easy. Growing up in a religious household, Steve Disselhorst had trouble accepting that he was gay and believed he would lose the dreams he had for himself; especially having children. Through facing the adversity he encountered in his life, he came to believe that the only way to live his best life was to live his most true life and this fed a determination to have those things he most longed for; marriage and family. Join us as we talk about what he faced along the way and how he transformed his roadblocks into even greater determination. We'll share what helped him to keep going and the rewards that awaited him when he realized his dreams.
Nina Impala, certified by the American Academy of Bereavement, combines intuition with professional education in the End-of-Life Field, including 10 years in hospice. She is a graduate of Mueller College of Holistic Studies and was a licensed massage therapist for more than 17 years, also incorporating Reiki. Nina’s book Dearly Departed, What I Learned About Living From the Dying, was inspired by 10 years of volunteering for hospice. She’s a member of the Holistic Chamber of Commerce and has won awards for her writings with The National Hospice and Palliative Care Association. Nina previously hosted the podcast Tutoring for the Spirit and will join the Voiceamerica network in May 2020 with Inspiring End of Life Conversations. She’ll be interviewing Near Death Experiencers, hospice professionals, Pet psychics that assist after your furry family members pass away and those who have survived cancer and what they have learned in life from it.
After twenty-seven years of marriage, John Sardella lost the love of his life when his wife, Margaret, passed away following a seven-year battle with cancer. John looked for a book that would give him space for his pain and inspire him to move forward, but all he found were clinical books written by psychologists. That was John’s motivation to write this book and share how he worked through the grieving process in the hopes of reminding others not only that they are not alone, but also that they will be okay. A Journey Without a Map gives you permission to not only feel those real and true feelings you have, but also permission to move forward. Sharing stories that span from Margaret’s battle with cancer to her funeral and John’s life since, John demonstrates the power of connection and shows that with the proper perspective, you can still live life to its fullest extent. You can get back to being the person you’re capable of being—John wants to help you get there.
We've all heard we need to get enough rest. But what KIND of rest leads to restorative, rejuvenating wellness? After her own burn out brought her to the ground, Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith set out to discover the many aspects of rest we need to live well and authentically. Her book, Sacred Rest, describes 7 types of rest we need to be well, including physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, sensory and creative. But in this busy world, how do we make time for all these aspects of rest and, if we make the time, what leads to actually feeling rested? Based on experience and research, Dr. Dalton-Smith has answers. And when her patients ask her how they can possibly afford the time for true rest, she asks how they can afford NOT to take the time.
Running from death was a big part of Sue William Silverman's response to early adulthood. Over time, she began to see that running from death was also about running from those things in her life that she didn't know how to cope with; fearful and traumatic events. Over item, Sue would unravel those fears and face up to what she came to realize she could not escape. How did she find her way? And what has resulted from making the trip? Sue has written a compelling book about what scared her, why, and how she began to face up to it all. In a world where we all have reason to fear and cause to run, talking about how to live with these uncertainties is something we all need!
Throughout human existence, creative expression has helped people process difficult experiences, including loss. For William Lychack, writing fiction was the vehicle through which he came to terms with loss, including the absence and then early death of his father. So when his friend since childhood took his own life, it was natural that Bill's grief would find its way into his writing. The result is an exploration of how two people can evolve in such different directions coming from similar experiences. Why do some of us thrive after loss while others seem paralyzed or destroyed by it? In the novel Cargill Falls, we begin to see the glimmer of some answers to that profound question.
Raised with a keen awareness that everything is impermanent, that all life ends, Sunita Puri was challenged to find a way to come to terms with medicine's inability to accept these truths. Her perspective was at odds with the training she was receiving as a medical student, where any death, even an inevitable one, was a failure. When she was finally exposed to a palliative care rotation she found her home in medicine. Palliative care, which supports patients to live well for as long as possible, brought these two parts of her together. How do her early family teachings in a Hindu family inform her work now? And how does her medical training support her palliative care work and the training she offers to others?
What happens when a successful, capable business woman experiences unimaginable loss? For Adriana Monique Alvarez, the still birth of her daughter plunged her into a kind of grief and isolation she had never experienced before. She longed for just one person to acknowledge the depth of her loss and offer support and comfort. Unlike her successes, there was nothing that would take away the pain or lead to a different outcome. But over time, Adriana was able to find support and nurture by talking about her loss and by allowing her grief to matter to HER. Now she has become an impassioned advocate for other families facing the same loss. She knows first hand what a difference it makes when someone hears the pain and offers solace and understanding.
What are the paths to connect with our soul, especially in hard times? Christian de la Huerta believes the breath is such a path. Seeking to connect with the spiritual dimension of his life, he was drawn to work with the breath and found power in the practice and in what he learned about our connection to all living things through the breath. He came to the realization that coming out as a gay man was just the beginning of his quest to come out spiritually and that looking inward to discover who he was had helped to lead him in this direction. 30 years later Christian teaches others how to use the breath to heal, to support themselves in challenging times and to live a deeper more connected life. He teaches that there is an element in the air we breathe that remains unchanged, connecting us to every being who ever has or ever will walk the earth. What wonder in the power of the breath!
Steve Grant could never have imagined that both of his sons would die of accidental drug overdoses. Despite the differences in each of their lives, losing both of them to the opioid epidemic demanded that Steve struggle with his own choices in trying to help them. Taking an honest look at what he tried, what he did, and what experts say about how families respond led to a book, Don't Forget Me, offering hope to all who struggle with a family member's addiction. Along with the questions Steve needed to answer for himself, there was also the painful process of grief from the unimaginable; the loss of both his sons. As a man of action, grief inevitably led Steve to make use of the experience through his writing and through the foundation he founded to support other people struggling with the same difficulty. In small and large ways, Steve vowed to make a difference, using his business expertise and his personal experience to support young people and families affected by addiction.
It was a day like any other. Rob Alessi was on a business trip and he and his wife Marie and kids were talking twice a day. Then suddenly, he wasn't calling. The worst had happened- he had died of a brain aneurism and would never return to their happy and satisfying life. Marie, a life coach by profession, had a decision to make. Would she now live a limited and diminished life or would she continue to live the happy and fulfilled life they'd planned? What would it take to choose life, and joy and happiness? Marie was determined to choose joy, stead in the knowledge that her beloved husband would not want less for her. Yes, there would be painful moments. Yes, she would need to make room for her own grief and the grief of her two children. But Marie had to believe it was possible. And as time went on, she found that not only was it possible, but essential. And not only did SHE need to make a commitment to her life, she needed to support others to find their way too.
When Chris Meyer bought a funeral home, looking for a business opportunity to support his family, he never expected to learn so much about life from caring for families after the loss of a loved one. Coming into people’s lives at this most poignant time, he paid attention to what mattered to is clients, what they most appreciated about the person they’d lost and what they wanted to carry with them going forward. He’d found a new way to live! Carrying these lessons into his own life he began to think about what he’d learned from his own loved ones and how he wanted his family to remember him. His priorities changed and his appreciation for the ones he loves deepened, leading to a better, more fulfilling personal life.
What is music's power to support us through the passages of life? Gary Malkin has spent his career seeking answers to that question. His attention to sound and music and how they affect us led to work with patients and families at the beginning and end of their lives. He is a fierce advocate for music's role in healing and support. Join us as we talk about what he's learned and how he believes we can use music. His belief in its power has only continued to grow since his first interview on Good Grief. How has his work changed and deepened over time? He has incorporated sound and music (which he calls organized vibration) into work with health care systems, patients and families, workplaces and environments of support for resilient health. What can we apply to our own lives, sick or well, to use sound for our own wellbeing? Join us as we explore both the research and the practice of sound and music for healing.
We're all familiar with the truth that the only constant is change. Yet we often resist change as an unwelcome guest, especially when it comes from acute loss. How can we learn to embrace change as an invitation for growth, and honor what comes of it? Patricia Cagganello and Kathleen O’Keefe Kanavos immersed themselves in the subject, collecting stories of people who found new meaning and growth through change which may not have been, at first, welcome. Their book, Chaos to Clarity, tells these stories and offers inspiration to anyone who is faced with the daunting task of responding to one of life's chaotic moments. We'll be talking about how they found their way to this work, leaving behind the lives they’d lived before. They offer hope and inspiration to those who are facing tough moments, for any of a multitude of reasons.
On a day like any other, Jonathan Santlofer was suddenly dropped into the chaos of intense grief when his wife of 40 years suddenly died. His losses before this did not prepare him for his upended life. It did not prepare him for the insensitive and alienating things people said to him when he was too vulnerable to respond. It did not prepare him for the internal conflict of whether and how much to share about his intense mourning. He also had the sense that his inability to share his feelings and ask for help were deeply affected by the expectations he felt because he is a man. How did gender affect people's expectations of what would happen next? How much of that was a conflict within his own heart? He found an anchor in writing down what he was experiencing. In his notebooks he was able to say it all, and to hear himself. And ultimately, the lifeline he found in writing became a beautiful book, A Widower's Notebook.
What if painful grieving was not inevitable? What if the person you loved most in the world died, and you did not descend into the pain everyone expected? For Jen Mathews, grief came not as a sadness but as a revelation. When her beloved died, she felt more connected to life, more passionate about her spiritual values and more alive. In this hour, we’ll talk about how this could be, and the work Jen does to favor such a result in others. What do laughter, spiritual practice and mindfulness do to contribute to a positive outlook on loss? And how does such an outlook contribute to a life of purpose and meaning. When Jen feels the lack of her sweetheart’s physical presence on earth, how does she carry herself through it?
Facing challenges in our lives, the need for support becomes so clear. But the support we receive may or may not truly do its job. Through her own life challenges, including the breast cancer diagnosis and death of her mother, Marisa Lee learned first-hand that her community of support often got it wrong. Marisa understood that this reflected a general lack of information about what helps and what doesn’t. Ultimately, she created a platform to offer practical and sage advice on how to help. Sharing the stories of those who have faced hard times and what helped them, those who care get an inside view of how to show up, avoid common support pitfalls, and say the helpful thing, instead of the platitude or cliché. When we know what to do, it is MUCH more likely that we'll step up and do it. Join us as we explore what led to Supportal and what Marisa has learned about supporting our loved ones in their most challenging moments.
When Karen Trench's beloved husband died by suicide, her life as she knew it ended. But somewhere deep within her a new life began to form. By surrendering to her grief and longing she began to follow her instincts towards healing and creation of a life worth living. Out of her anguish, blessings began to emerge. She discovered her true capacity for love, faith, forgiveness, surrender, transformation and a deep connection to herself and her life. By allowing her grief to teach her, she found a new calling and sense of purpose. Slowly, unpredictably, she became a deeper version of herself, ready to find joy and inspiration where she had felt only pain and destruction. And out of this miraculous evolution she felt an undeniable call to share what she had found, offering it as solace and direction for other grievers. Love Life Loss is the book that emerged.
When Michelle Hoffmann's husband died, she joined the club no one wants to be a member of; the widow's club. But over time, she noticed that her community was directing new widows to her for help - they had observed her finding her way forward. A new calling was born, defining a way through widow grief and supporting other grievers. The lessons she learned about how to access help effectively, plan for a new future and find her children what they needed to thrive proved deeply useful to other women who were now facing life on their own. Michelle became a coach, author and guide, laying out the skills that had helped her so much. In the process, she learned how deeply rewarding it can be to give back what is so hard won. She had truly found a way through!
What is stunning about human beings is our capacity to search for meaning even in our losses. So often, that meaning becomes a driving force in our lives. Lily Myers Kaplan considers these epiphanies a legacy our loved ones have left to us. It's our healing and our responsibility to take what we've been given and share it, just as she has done. Her book, Loss to Legacy, shares the tools she found to help make meaning out of her deepest losses. The book itself is a testament to what can come when we go towards our grief and trust that it will guide us to what we need. Join us as we talk about what helped her and what those how that became a life calling. Practical yet transformational, the tools she describes can help along the way to meaning with any of our various human losses.
When Charles Fontenot's son died of cancer at 21, it sent Charles on a quest to discover who he is. Grief showed him that he didn't really know himself. When he was ripped open he did not recognize the person inside. His greatest tool for discovering the real Charles was poetry, written to express his loss but also to express himself. How could the most terrible thing ever to happen to him also be the key that unlocked his inner truth? At first, he wrote because he had to. Eventually, he saw that these writings could be of use to others searching for meaning and living after loss.
The so-called justice system in our country has led to an unjust prison pipeline, undermining families and communities. Communities of color and other marginalized communities are especially hard hit. What is the history that led to these outcomes and how can we restore justice to communities that have felt the impact the most? World Trust, an organization founded by Dr. Shakti Butler, is impassioned about bringing heart to conversations about oppression. Their fifth film, Healing Justice, brings their recognized expertise at generating these conversations to the subject of justice and injustice, sharing the deep heartbreak of the current system yet offering strategies for a better way. Join us on Good Grief as we learn from Dr. Butler how this film came about and what she wants you to know about the many losses that come from an oppressive justice system.
Imagine your beloved husband never comes home from a brief drive to the lake. And this leads to weeks of uncertainty and questioning about what has happened. And then his body is found. And all of this happens in the public eye. How do you talk about what is happening with your two young children? How do you prepare for the birth of your third child? How do you get from one day to the next? When Katie Stifter faced the unimaginable, it was her family, her community and her faith that held her through these terrible days. And all these things helped her commit to going forward even as she lost every dream she had had for her life.
Ken Ross grew up immersed in the work of his mother, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Unlike most people in the West, he was immersed in a world where death, dying and grief wer openly talked about and explored. How did he come to view his unique experience with the pioneering author of On Death and Dying? We will talk about his mother's work, his childhood and how he carries her work forward, honoring the legacy she left. We'll also explore how he thinks his own perspective on end of life has been formed by his unusual upbringing.
When Elena Schwolsky's husband was diagnosed with AIDS, the work she had been doing as a nurse for kids with AIDS suddenly came home. After he died, she wondered what would come next for her. The desire to find a way forward pushed her to take a chance on 6 months in Cuba, a place she'd felt a deep connection to ever since a visit in her twenties. She would go and work with Cuban people living with AIDS- in a new and unfamiliar environment with very different ways of addressing AIDS. In the sanitarium Cuba had created to curb the spread of AIDS, she found people she would come to love and care about, and a place to approach the healing that had eluded her at home.
After Roselee Blooston's husband died, she wrote a memoir about her experience going forward from his death and dealing with the government of Dubai to settle is estate. Then her life continued forward and she became committed to sharing a novel she had already written with the world. But the subject of the novel was relevant to what she'd been through. Her legal drama , Trial By Family, touches the subjects of family, loss, and the effects of complicated grief. Diving into these territories even before she herself was touched by them leaves the reader wondering what she thinks about this unusual turn of events. How does publishing this novel evoke the experience of her own loss? And what does her book have to tell us about families dealing with loss, however dismally?
How does someone find his way from the murder, at age 14, of both his parents to a life guided by big love? Scott Stabile evolved from putting his grief aside and going on with life to honoring and respecting, even inviting, his grief. In the process, he learned a lot about living with an open heart and loving himself and others as completely as possible in each moment. When he opened up to his deepest feelings, his deepest self, what he found was an unequivocal commitment to living a big, loving life and sharing what he'd found with other people.
After a loved one dies, what should we do with all that STUFF? And how about our own stuff, which we will some day leave behind? How does a loss change our relationship to stuff, both that of the person we lost and our own. Reflecting a deep personal experience with how possessions changed meaning for her after her husbands's sudden death, Rachel Kodanaz helps us approach what to keep and what to let go of with compassion and understanding. What gives a particular thing meaning and when the meaning is gone, what do we do with it? How do we follow our own individual time line as much as possible without getting stuck along the way. Rachel brings the same passion and grace to this subject as she has brought to audiences for over 20 years working with death in the workplace.
Some traumatic losses are beyond our imagination until we experience them. Bonnie Hirst's life was thrown upside down when her daughter was arrested for murder and then left changed forever when she was found guilty and given a life sentence. How could Bonnie, a mother with a close relationship to her grown daughter, and a deep lifelong faith, make sense of such a terrible tragedy? Navigating her way down a path with no light ahead of her, Bonnie had to change, to redefine what she believed about God, life and the world. But in the end, she cultivated a faith much deeper than any she had ever experienced. And she found a way to stay loving and connected to the child she had always adored.
In 1972, a plane full of young people on their way to a rugby tournament crashed in the Andes. What followed was 72 days of survival in a rough and inhospitable environment. Those who did not die in the crash itself were in constant peril from freezing cold, hunger, avalanche and injury. How did the survivors manage to stay alive and, ultimately, bring about their own rescue? And what did that icy mountain have to teach them about love, community and the resources each of them had within them? For Eduardo Strauch, the crash became a reference point for everything in his life, his second birth. And, long after those 72 days, he felt a deep need to write about it and to explore how it had imprinted on his soul. His book, Out of the SIlence, is the result.
Sarah Neustadter was part way through her training to be a psychologist when the love of her life suddenly died of suicide. In the early days after he died, she wrote emails to his account, which remained open even after his death. Though she believed he likely knew every painful feeling and thought racing through her, she found comfort in describing the experience and remembering her love for him. Over time, the writing helped her to walk forward and led to a time when she thought of him less and enjoyed her life more. But ten years after the greatest loss of her life, her writings called her back. What if those raw, human outpourings of great pain could somehow help other people walking the same road? Love You LIke the Sky is the book that came out of Sarahs impulse to offer her experience for others' good.
How can we live well to the ends of our lives? And how are we affected by societys view of being old and being elder? As Louise Aronson aged herself, her view of these questions deepened. As a gerontologist she had already been keenly aware of the differences in this stage of life and how they impacted her patients. But as her own experience changed her viewpoint she realized that even the care offered during this part of our lives is based on knowledge that may not apply to the old or the very old. She set out to discover what makes this time of life rewarding and how she could best navigate these years both as a physician and a person. And as baby boomers hit this time in our lives, taking a careful look at attitudes and stereotypes that may affect care becomes ever more critical.
Karen Wyatt worked with hospice patients. In the end, they taught her the lessons of dying, but also the lessons of living. Applying those lessons to her own life, she became a fierce advocate for the spiritual importance of facing death so that we can truly live life! Through her book, What Really Matters: 7 Lessons for Living from the Stories of the Dying, and her widely respected End of Life University, Karen Wyatt teaches us how to infuse our lives with meaning and purpose now, and all the way to our deaths.
In the confusing landscape of childhood sexual abuse, it is often easier to block the experience than continue to try to make sense of what is happening. Patricia Eagle did not uncover the memories of her fathers abuse until well into her adulthood, although it affected her ability to take care of herself and make the choices that were best for her. Her mother further contributed to her confusion by calling sexual touching being mean and failing to intervene between Patricia and her father. Thinking that all the confusion she felt would end when she left home, Patricia got out as fast as she could, but slowly realized that there was more she needed to do. Plumbing the depths of her own painful experiences, Patricia found on the other end a life more filled with joy, a loss she could feel fully and a world that was more friendly. Join us to talk about how she uncovered and healed from the unimaginable.
A childhood of abuse left Lisa Braver Moss with doubts about her worth, fears and a driving need to succeed in school and get free of her family. As time went on, she understood more about that experience and began to make some sense of it. Her path to her own best life ultimately led her to want to capture her experiences and her novel, Shrug, is the result. What is it like to write fiction based on painful experience? How did the story develop and what fed her as she was revisiting those difficult experiences? How much of our own story do we reflect in writing fiction? And in the end, does it help to process those early experiences. Join us to explore the answers.
When Karen Stefano was attacked on her way home at 19 years old, those moments led to fear; of footsteps behind her and of the dark. Only later would she understand that she carried the imprint of her attack with her. When her life felt, again, uncertain, the symptoms returned and she knew that only if she faced her early experience head-on would she be able to move forward. But how would she make sense of the impact on her life? How would she come to understand why she'd become a defense attorney, advocating for people who had committed acts like her attacker's? How would she come to terms with the way her body remembered and re-experienced that terrible moment? In the end, her exploration would teach her that her freedom came in being willing to face what she had worked so hard to walk away from. And she would come to understand that in facing her own trauma, she found a voice to help others.
What helps us to choose courage and resilience over resignation? What helps us to pick ourselves up when we're knocked down? Living with a child who was diagnosed with a mental illness at a very young age, then facing her own health challenges made it clear to Ann Grady that she would need to develop both her courage and her resilience! As she researched what it took to live her life positively and optimistically she realized these were skills she could get better at. SHe could practice and, when she lost her way, find her way back. Now she shares what she learned with audiences worldwide, including both large businesses and individuals who want the live their best lives.
Religions like Jehovah's Witness promise their followers certainty and safety. Leaders demand obedience to proscribed standards of behavior, beliefs and practices. But what happens when a follower begins to doubt? For Amber Scorah, leaving the Witness meant giving up everyone and everything in her life. On top of this severing of every tie, she would have to live with uncertainty in a way she never had before. Growing up in the culture, which she now saw as a cult, brought what she thought of as happiness. Now she would choose becoming who she felt she really was but not know what was true about God. And when the worst loss she could imagine came next, she would have to navigate grief without any certainty at all.
With the legalization of marriage for all Americans and the greater level of acceptance for LGBT people, we could come to the mistaken conclusion that bias no longer affected LGBT people. But far from it, aging and dying LGBT people face an uphill climb to get the support they need; from family, facilities and professionals. Gen Silent is an intimate portrait of some of the people directly affected by outdated attitudes and beliefs. The political battle fought over these beliefs has a deep personal affect on the aging population. What does this struggle have to tell us about the great need for all aging and dying people to have access to compassionate, sensitive and acceptant care? In learning more about the special needs of this population, we may also have a window into the how to support all people in our individuality as we age and die.
LGBTQ+ people face discrimination, marginalization and oppression often from a very early age. Gay men, in particular, have also lived with the trauma of the AIDS epidemic. Those in the oldest generation, who experienced a crushing amount of loss and the fear that this new disease created faced perhaps the most extreme set of emotional consequences. But two generations since, those who came out after AIDS was better understood and young gay men today still grapple with the mark those times left. How do people from such traumatic experience create lives of authenticity and actualization? Walt Odets, who has spent his career working with gay men in his psychotherapy practice, believes that grieving and grappling with these traumas is an essential part of claiming life and moving forward. His book, Out of the Shadows, offers an understanding and road map for the work while telling compelling stories of men who have managed, despite what was put in their way, to create beautiful lives.
When hospice is the best possible choice, families are often lost in a sea of confusion, not even sure what hospice is. At the same time, reading long descriptions of the services and goals is sometimes beyond them. After years of work in chaplaincy and hospice (and his own personal experiences of loss), Larry Patten thought he could help. What resulted was a clear, readable guide to what hospice is, and isn't, written with the uninformed in mind. Taking a light tone and sharing short chapters, A Companion for the Hospice Journey demystifies and informs while maintaining a supportive and sometimes humorous tone. Join Larry Patten on Good Grief as he shares how he came to write it and where and how it is being used.
Poetry is a language perfectly suited for grief, resonating with deep experience without needing to be too literal. we hear our own experience captured and are comforted in companionship with this resonance. But can poetry also offer a jumping off place for exploration of our mourning? Out of her belief that it can, and does, Kim Langley has created a book full of poems written by grievers, adding suggestions for how to add to the readings in our own voice. through her careful selection of the poems and her helpful comments throughout her book, Send My Roots Rain, allows us to experience ourselves in our grief differently and helps us to keep moving. Join us to talk about what inspired the book and how writing it helped her in her own grief.
As medicine advances, it is harder and harder to accept the moment when it is time to face death and make the most of our remaining time. Dr. Jessica Zitter is a fierce advocate for asking the tough questions. Is doing everything always best? And how do we support each other when doing more is doing harm? How do we face the sense of failure, both as doctors and patients, which often comes with suspending treatment? As a physician she came to realize the moral quandary created for doctors when patients and families believe there is always one more thing to try. She has devoted herself to bridging the gap between heroic life saving treatment and peaceful dying. Join us as we talk about her candid and nuanced book, Extreme Measures.
Part of loving someone deeply is a hidden promise to take care of them if need be. But nothing prepared Donna Figurski for her husband's sudden disability and her headlong launch into life as a caregiver. As she adjusted to a new and not always manageable life in this unexpected circumstance, she learned how to manage it- and what wasn't manageable at all. Her impulse to share her experience, and what she's learned from it, led to a book, Prisoners Without Bars: A Caregiver'sTale. It's an experience we can all gain from considering, even if we can't prepare. Join us for Donna's valuable insights.
Joanne Steen had what she considered a perfect life. She had a satisfying career and a good marriage to a Naval officer. Then her world turned upside down when her husband was killed while on duty. Evolving over time, her loss led to a new career working with Gold Star families; those who, like her, lost someone close while they were on duty. What helped her through, built her resiliency and formed her new normal? And what does she now offer others who are experiencing this special kind of loss? Join us to hear about her path to today and to talk about her new book, We Regret to Inform You, a resource for parents who have lost a child.
An illness when he was only 13 planted the idea in Dr. Bradley Nelson's mind that he would some day be a healer. Although he almost gave that up for a career in business and computer science, his calling made itself undeniable. Becoming a chiropractor seemed almost fated or at least spiritually led and he set about bringing his whole self to correcting the imbalances in his patients' bodies. Over time, he discovered that the brain, just like a computer, held codes that could return mind and body to health. And so now he felt called to share this information worldwide and empower others to heal themselves. Join us as we discuss his method and how the healing of his early illness, beyond scientific understanding, set his life course.
D.J. Chang learned early in her life to explore the big questions. When her childhood caregiver died she began to hear from him with both questions and answers. Through all her struggles and challenges she felt his guidance and support. She could face the setbacks she encountered because of the constant sense that he was in her corner. When she came out, when her beloved struggled with AIDS, when she worked for marriage equality she did so with the confidence gained from a spiritual viewpoint developed over time with her earliest teacher. How did this develop over time? What allowed her to trust this voice within her? And what lessons has she learned?
When Tembi Locke spent a college semester in Italy, it changed the course of her life. Meeting Saro, the man she would love and marry, filled her with joy and also challenged them both to bridge the gap between his Sicilian farm family and her Houston Texas family of civil rights activists. Over time their persistence and courage began to connect their two families. But no struggle before it could have prepared them for Saro's ten years living with cancer, his death, and Tembi's grief. Who could have predicted that Tembi would find her way forward in grief at the table of her mother-in-law, in her small home in Siciliy. Join us to talk about the road Tembi took to find her future.
How did attorney Julie Potiker evolve from her career in law to writing a book about mindfulness? She discovered, through a brush with death and the ADHD of her kids along with countless other events of living, that she couldn't always control what happened in her life. Mindfulness was recommended to her as a way to stay balanced in out of control times. The result was life-changing, sending her into an entirely new career and resulting in her book, Life Falls Apart, But You Don't Have To. Now a fierce advocate for mindfulness based practices to support our every day lives, she has a lot to say about how to bring these mindful methods into the midst of chaos.
Gabrielle Jimenez never imagined she would find a calling as a hospice nurse. But when she got a job supporting a woman who was declining, she loved it. Struggling to finish the course work to become a nurse, her own soft landing came when she got a job in hospice. She felt privileged and lucky to be working with people in such a deep way. The time she was able to spend with people fed her soul. What did she learn about the end of life and how to sit with dying people? How has it impacted her own life? Join us to learn more.
Decades of work with people as they are dying taught Dr. Charles Garfield valuable lessons about giving and receiving peace when a loved one is at the end. As the founder of Shanti Project, a compassionate end of life organization, he learned from thousands of people at this most sacred time of their lives. In his latest book, Life's Last Gift, Dr. Garfield shares what he's learned about maintaining connection and growth up to the very last breath. He offers a lifeline for friends and family as well as professionals supporting people at the end of their lives.
Being very accomplished in other areas doesn't prepare you for caregiving. Kathleen Flora found that out when her mother began struggling with dementia. Despite her strong commitment to caring for her mother, she had lots to learn. Hoping to help others navigate this rough terrain, she wrote about her experiences and lessons and created a memoir designed to offer experience and instruction for others. Walking My Momma Home encourages others to realize they aren't alone, that many people have walked this road and found their way, even some day being able to say they learned valuable things about themselves and the world.
With the death of a spouse, the future dies too. If you're a planner like Lori LoCicero there are many smaller losses along with the big loss. When Lori's husband died, she became unmoored, as if her tether to earth was broken. Her world seemed to stop cold. How did she come through her grief to a place where she could once again see her way forward? And what came next? Whatever came next depended on a belief that she could make something of meaning from the experiences she had with him. She could help other people going through what she had. She could create tools for having the hard conversations that her husband had such difficulty allowing. Her Death Deck cards help people to face the heavy questions playfully. And her memoir, Clouds Far Behind Me, shares how she came to terms with a loss she wasn't sure she could live through.
Keeping a sense of humor at the worst of times seems impossible until you're actually living through the worst of times. No one knows that better than Nora McInerny Purmort, whose husband died of brain cancer when she was 32, with a two year old, within a short time of her fathers death and a miscarriage. In those circumstances, humor becomes a balm, a way to keep your perspective, a healing salve. And then, when that humorous outlook on bad times becomes a book, we are all invited to look at our own lives with just a little more persepctive!
Raised with a keen awareness that everything is impermanent, that all life ends, Sunita Puri was challenged to find a way to come to terms with medicine's inability to accept these truths. Her perspective was at odds with the training she was receiving as a medical student, where any death, even an inevitable one, was a failure. When she was finally exposed to a palliative care rotation she found her home in medicine. Palliative care, which supports patients to live well for as long as possible, brought these two parts of her together. How do her early family teachings in a Hindu family inform her work now? And how does her medical training support her palliative care work and the training she offers to others?
There is a crisis for young people in our country when it comes to equal access to mental health services. Some of the most traumatized and therefore anxious and depressed young people have little or no access to the services they need. Seeing this disparity, Sean Perry created a coaching program to teach kids and teens how to regulate their toughest emotions and find their ways to the life awaiting them. His organization, We R H.O.P.E., takes their proven program into schools and offers valuable lessons in how to cope with the danger, the losses, the bullying and all the other emotional challenges young people face. Join us as we talk about how the program works and what he hopes will become a more universal commitment to the mental health of the next generation.
After any trauma in our lives, there is the possibility that we will, over time, choose to grow from it. One profound way this happens is in our spiritual outlook or belief. Having cancer as a young person, Anthony Maranise experienced just such an effect, leading to a life as a chaplain and Christian scholar. How does he rely on his faith to face the losses, anxieties and fears he confronts? Does Christianity push its believers to forego grief or to fully embrace that part of living? And how can experiences like cancer, or loss, or mourning clarify what we truly believe? Join us to hear how these questions were answered in Anthony's life.
Regardless of changes in the legal rights of LGBTQ people, end of life can feel like a step backward, with biased health care workers and lack of resources. How can we educate health facilities and workers to deliver appropriate services regardless of their personal beliefs or assumptions? And how do people in these communities come to trust that when they access services, they will be treated well and in a way that honors them as individuals? Kimberly Acquaviva has been on a mission to educate a multi-disciplinary community of health professionals working with illness and end of life so that care will be safe for their LGBTQ patients. Join us to learn what inclusion looks like and how facilities can insure that their care is welcoming and appropriate!
Annie Mattingley endured what many of us, especially parents, fear most. Her daughter died of an overdose. Nothing could have prepared her for the communication she received from her just weeks after that death. It felt real, as if her daughter had communicated to let her know she was ok, not to worry. Out of this experience, Annie became deeply curious about after death communication. What had other people experienced with their own beloveds? what did researchers have to say about these reposts? And ultimately, how could these experiences support people as they grieved? Join us to learn what she discovered.
When Norah Casey's husband died after a short illness, she found her way quickly to what she'd learned as a business woman. Taking action gave her a focus and a contrast to her grief and her child's grief. Saying yes to opportunities, even when she didn't know how she would be able to respond to them, brought back her energy and made it possible to create a new life, even while grieving for her husband. Norah has brought this kind of resolve to many of the struggles in her life. Join us to find out how!
There are few things like losing a parent, even at an older age, suited to generating an inner discussion of loss and mortality. What makes for a good death? How can we contribute to everyone involved feeling good about our death? What are mourners left with when things go wrong or badly? After the death of Lisa Shultz' father, she became immersed in these questions and ultimately wrote a book full of her feelings, thoughts and research on the end of life, including her experience with her own father. Join us to explore what this loss taught her and how she has shared her grief since.
When Melissa Lyons embarked on a radical sabbatical she expected a few months to reset and a return to her successful high-powered life. As the time extended, she felt lost, unsure what might happen next, she learned to let time unfold at its own pace. Then one day, at a cafe in Thailand, she realized that a book about loss had spilled out on pages of her journal, setting a new direction for the rest of her life. Join us to talk about how Melissa learned to surrender to each moment and let life tell her where to go next. We'll talk about the life she has lived since devoting it to supporting people in their loss and grief.
How does a nurse relate to death. What has she learned by being close to the people who are experiencing the end of life? And how are her personal experiences with death influenced by her professional ones? Acclaimed author Sallie Tisdale gives us a frank and open perspective on death based on all her own experiences and those of her patient. Unsentimental yet deeply human and warm, she helps us explore our own relationship to the thing we all do which so few of us are willing to talk about. Join us to discuss her latest book. Advice for Future Corpses (and Those Who Love Them).
The Savages were a happy family with four boys. The older two were 18 and 19, one a year into college and the other just graduating from high school. Then they made a fateful error, mixing prescription drugs with alcohol. In a flash, Nick and Jack were dead, leaving their family in an unimaginable grief. Driven to prevent a similar tragedy in other families, the 525 Foundation was established. Through education and information the foundation makes an impact on the opioid epidemic while educating other teens about the dangers. Nick and Jack's mom, Becky, is passionate about saving other families from what she lives with every day.
How can we possibly make sense from the death of a child. For most of us, especially parents, the thought is beyond comprehending, until that child is ours. But recognizing that children do, in fact, die and creating the best possible circumstances for the child and their family is such a departure from the medicalized deaths many families experience. Kathy Hull knows this first hand, because the respite and palliative care house she founded has seen many meaningful lives that have ended in her care. Name after her own two siblings who died at 16 and 30, George Mark house offers, without charge, a better end for children with life limiting illness. Join us to talk about Kathy's long career in the field and how it led to this remarkable center, the first in the U.S.
Until recently, very little attention was paid to the quality of our lives at the very end of our lives. But that is changing, fueled by patient demand but also by a group of medical practitioners who are passionate about making sure everything possible is done to empower people at the end of life. At the forefront of this movement are the palliative care doctors who help seriously ill and dying people navigate the territory they have entered, often unprepared. Shoshana Ungerleider took her own work as a palliative care doctor (and teacher) a step further, creating a foundation that supports work to improve end of life and organizing the End Well conference (December, 2017) to share groundbreaking work in end of life care. Join us to hear what contributes to a good end and how we can prepare for this deeply potent time in all of our lives.
A cancer diagnosis is one of the hardest things we can face. Most of us have very little time to adjust to the profound life experience of cancer before we are immersed in treatment. We look forward to the day when we'll be done. Everyone in our lives, even our health care providers, expect a celebration and profound relief. But what we call survivorship is much more complicated. All the feelings related to the changes in our identity, our roles and our expectations seem to hit like a ton of bricks. And no one seems to expect the emotional plunge that often comes with the end of treatment. Cheryl Krauter has been there, and is determined to train providers to meet the needs of this population much better. Join us for a discussion of her new book, Psychosocial Care for Cancer Survivors.
How does it feel to live with life-limiting illness from your first day? How does it influence the way you look at the world and what you believe. And what is the impact of living with an illness that so many people die of, to be close, from an early age, to people you outlive? Nineteen year old Claire Wineland has lived with Cystic Fibrosis since early in her childhood and it has led her to a life of service and connection. She has written a book, delivered a TED talk and started a foundation. And she has profound messages to share about what we all can do to face the fact of death and infuse our lives with purpose and meaning. We'll be talking about the amazing things she's learned, the amazing work she has already done, and the struggles it took for her and her family to find their way.
How does someone find his way from the murder, at age 14, of both his parents to a life guided by big love? Scott Stabile evolved from putting his grief aside and going on with life to honoring and respecting, even inviting, his grief. In the process, he learned a lot about living with an open heart and loving himself and others as completely as possible in each moment. When he opened up to his deepest feelings, his deepest self, what he found was an unequivocal commitment to living a big, loving life and sharing what he'd found with other people.
In a life filled with learning, searching for meaning and intimately experiencing different parts of the world, Carmen Hartono came to a greater understanding of her spiritual home. How do her beliefs and practices help her, sometimes at the worst of times? When her beloved son died, she had to use all that she knew and learn even more about her beliefs to carry her through. In her book, Chronicles of a Catholic Housewife: Forty Years Toward the Promised Land, she shares this journey toward well-being and meaning. Join us to explore what she learned along the way.
How has modern life disconnected us from our wisdom? Anita Sanchez shares the prophecies of indigenous elders who see a path towards reconnection and understanding.Join us to learn how to embody these principles; the power to forgive the unforgivable, the power to heal, the power of unity and the power of hope. These four gifts applied to our problems of living can change the way we operate as a society. They can even change boardrooms and businesses, bringing human understanding back to our fundamental human experience. And perhaps most important, they can heal our broken hearts.
How does a successful career in film and television lead to a passion for supporting people to design their deaths? When a temporary pit stop working at a local hospice turned into a 17 year career collecting the stories of dying people, Kimberly Paul was as surprised as anyone. But the loss of her recently ex-boyfriend to cancer (the break-up later revealed as his attempt to protect her from his death and her grief) made her work much more personal. It became her mission to facilitate end of life conversations across tables all over the nation. Her recent tour of 49 of the 50 states in an r.v. cements her commitment to that work. Her project, Death by Design, seeks to change the way we think about end of life.
5 nurses who helped veterans at the end of their lives noticed something they came to call soul injury. A result of unspent grief, Shane and guilt, it plagued the men. They decided to devote themselves to sharing the lessons about how to heal soul injury with people who were not veterans and who were not actively dying. Join us to talk with Deborah Grassman, one of the founders, who works to bring their work to everyone. She is also working to make January soul injury month.
Daniel Kenner’s parents had always been loving, giving people who gave all they had to the world. Their ability to do that declined sharply when his father was diagnosed with dimentia and his mother, shortly after, with cancer. Daniel took every opportunity to support them, but also to ask them questions and hear their stories. Putting his life on hold, as so many caregivers do, he took advantage of this precious, short time in which he knew he would soon be without them. The resulting book, Room for Grace, kept him company in his grief and honored the gifts they had given him all his life.
As each year passes there is more and more open discussion about death. This leads naturally to a conscious consideration of how we want to die. Having lived through the difficult hospital deaths (despite preparation and living wills in place) at his two parents, Bart Windrum became committed to defining a gentle and dignified passing. He also became passionate about defining a way to make it more likely that this could actually be accomplished. Join us to discuss his recent book, The Promised Land, and what he has to say about our own influence on how we die.
When Heidi Connolly's husband died, she faced the prospect of living a very different life, without the support of the person she was closest to. But while she felt the loss keenly, she still felt as if she was communicating with Randy and that he was guiding her towards a very different use of her talents. She had been an editor, bringing other people's words to life. Her talent had often been described as channeling. But now, Randy suggested she could channel people who had died, including him. He helped her write a book, Crossing the Rubicon, and then urged her to return to the flute, an instrument she had given up for health reasons. He told her what to play and she discovered that these tunes were healing medicine for problems people were encountering in their lives. Learning to trust these messages, Heidi found her life's passion; to help others by channeling messages from the other side.
When she discovered that her daughter was being abused by her ex-husband, Maralee McLean tried everything imaginable to protect her. But she encountered a system unwilling and unable to accept that they were being manipulated. Maralee's pain and anguish and her ultimate ability to face and change the situation fueled a fierce commitment to changing the system that had failed her. Join us to hear the story of this terrible loss of safety and trust and how Maralee and her daughter found their ways to their resilience and strength.
Mason Summit's father died when he was only 11. Now 22, how did the loss affect who he has become and how he relates to life? His career as a musician began after his father died, when he felt a strong need to express what he was going through. In being able to express his deepest experiences, he found the solace he needed. And this has led to a passion for both music and expression. Join us when we talk about what his life was like with his father and after his father and how he still carries on their relationship.
How does a life change when the person you're closest to in the world dies? For Paul Linke, that person was his wife and the mother of his three children. When she died of breast cancer at 37, he entered a new landscape. As an actor and writer, the natural outgrowth of his loss and mourning was the creation of a one man show about the loss and his response to it. This then led to continued performances of the work around the world. He went on to marry again and have a fourth child. But how does this experience in his life continue to impact him decades later? What is his perspective now on what he went through and how it changed him? And how did expressing himself creatively impact his grief? Join us to explore these questions.
AnnE O'Neil buried her grief in alcohol, following the model she witnessed in her family. Only when her life fell apart did she begin to see that she would have to develop a program to stay clean and sober. That would only be possible if she was willing to grieve. When her husband died, this commitment deepened and led to her life's work, to help people heal from grief and addiction, and to see the connection between the two. Her memoir, If You Want the Rainbow, Welcome the Rain, chronicles her path to recovery, joy and capacity for holding her own grief. Join us to talk about what helped along the way.
How can we use technology to reduce the isolation and alienation that often comes along with grief? When Kimberly Libertini and Robynne Boyd were facing profound loss, a friend connected them to exchange text messages and support each other through their hardest moments. They were both amazed at how helpful it was, even though they didn't know each other before that. This is the experience that fueled their passion to create the Goodgriefapp, where people can connect anonymously to offer each other support and caring. Users can restrict their search to people with the same world outlook, the same loss, or the same circumstances. Then they can engage in conversations of sharing and caring that reduce that sense of being alone without having to take big chances. Join us to learn what they have noticed as they have created this platform and what led to this particular way of coping with their own losses.
This week we turn the tables to talk about Good Grief host Cheryl Jones and her novel, An Ocean Between Them. The story is about a mother and her lesbian daughter estranged and alienated. It is also a story of deep redemption and transformation, as they work together to repair what has been broken. Dawn Gross, radio host of Dying to Talk and palliative care physician at UCSF, will turn the tables on Cheryl and explore how the book came to be written, what matters most to Cheryl in telling the story and what in Cheryl's life led her to this latest creative work. Because the book also touches on the impact of being an LGBTQ+ person on the experience of illness and end of life, we'll be talking about these too. What is different about facing illness when you are also marginalized? How can the effect of oppression be minimized?
What does it mean to forgive the person who has injured you in your life more than any other? There was no thought of forgiveness when Stephanie Cassatly's mother was murdered before Stephanie had even fully launched into adulthood. It was many years before she considered that it was possible and more years before she realized that she was imprisoned along with the person who killed her mother. Taking the road to forgiveness was long and difficult but, at a certain point, compelling and necessary. Join us to find out where that road took Stephanie and how her life has changed since.
Alua Arthur was an attorney working with the most difficult problems we could imagine; abuse, poverty and assault. But she had done the work with energy and joy until she suddenly found herself depressed and uninspired, lacking any joy in the work. Knowing she would have to leave the work she had loved, it took some time to find her true life's calling; helping people prepare to die and then accompanying them and their families through death. Join us to hear the fascinating way she found passion for working with death and how she finds joy in the field. How can what most people avoid bring smiles and deep satisfaction? And how does she help others find the same peace and preparation, leaving room for joy and life for as long as it's possible? A death doula, Alua dedicates her life to these questions.
What would you do if you were wrongly convicted of murder and sentenced to an indeterminate period in prison? Marvin Mutch served 41 years before he was finally exonerated. But instead of losing himself to bitterness or violence, over time he began to discover how he might support his fellow inmates. There was a high rate of suicide among his fellows, and the ones left behind didn't have the skills to deal with the aftermath. Ultimately, he founded the Brother's Keepers at San Quentin, supporting each other emotionally and teaching valuable skills. Now, as more and more lifers reach the end of their lives, he works to bring much needed resources to incarcerated men struggling to support their dying brothers. He has continued to work for the improvement of resources and overall prison reform since he left prison.
What has compelled you after a loss? When Susan Hayden lost her husband it was sharing time and space with writers and musicians. Beginning as a way to focus on something besides grief after her loss, her Library Girl series offered comfort and inspiration, re-engaging her with her new normal. As time has gone by, she has been especially interested in sharing the writing and music of artists who create work out of loss, adding depth to her monthly performance events and carving out a place of respect and interest in her community. What was it like to balance creativity, parenting and grief, all at the same time? How does she look at that time now? Listen in and find out.
What draws a person to the funeral industry and then to green burial? For Elizabeth Fournier, it was many early losses and a fascination with how people said goodbye. But it was her clients who inspired her to seek greener practices when it came to burial. Maybe we could be buried on our own land, or by the people who love us. Maybe a community could take control of the process and create it in a way that honors the person they've lost. And maybe this could lead to a revolution in the funeral industry! What is a green burial? Is it possible for all of us to have the kind of funeral and burial we want? What are the advantages. Join is for a passionate discussion of the possibilities!
Losing three close people in quick succession brought Martin Keogh into a period of intense mourning. He was quickly aware that close people in his life had no idea how to support him. His curiosity and depth of feeling led him to a deep investigation of what people can do when someone they love is mourning. His book, As Much Time as it Takes, condenses what he learned from many experts on grief and bereavement and offers guidance on how to be there for grieving friends and loved ones. How did he gather the information he shared and what happened that drove him to create this guide for friends? Join us to hear his story and the road he took to offer helpful suggestions for everyone who hopes to support a friend in loss.
On a day like any other, Jonathan Santlofer was suddenly dropped into the chaos of intense grief when his wife of 40 years suddenly died. His losses before this did not prepare him for his upended life. It did not prepare him for the insensitive and alienating things people said to him when he was too vulnerable to respond. It did not prepare him for the internal conflict of whether and how much to share about his intense mourning. He also had the sense that his inability to share his feelings and ask for help were deeply affected by the expectations he felt because he is a man. How did gender affect people's expectations of what would happen next? How much of that was a conflict within his own heart? He found an anchor in writing down what he was experiencing. In his notebooks he was able to say it all, and to hear himself. And ultimately, the lifeline he found in writing became a beautiful book, A Widower's Notebook.
What is the legacy of trauma to future generations? Recent epigenetics research reveals that even the DNA of children, grandchildren and beyond are affected by severe trauma in generations before them. And so, the killings of 6 million Jews in the Holocaust, the genocide in Rwanda, the bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the falling of the Twin Towers in New York; we continue to be affected by them. Elizabeth Rosner's parents, who lived through the Holocaust and came to the U.S., then eventually raised three children, left their imprint on her and her siblings and even generations beyond. Her compelling book, Survivor Cafe, tells both the parts of her family's story she is able to capture and also struggles with the subject of how our culture can begin to heal from these traumas. Join us as we explore what she has learned!
When Jay Perry's father was diagnosed with cancer, Jay's natural rhythm was thrown into chaos. Wasn't he too young to be faced with whether to continue on his life path or interrupt everything to be with his dad? Making the choice to have that time with his father and help him navigate his final days was radical, difficult, and not to be missed. From diagnosis to death, Jay shares the story of these final times with his dad in his book, My Dad Got Sick. Now he shares what he learned with us.
Pain is a signal that something is wrong. But what if the cause of that pain cannot be relieved? What if we must learn to live with it? Sarah Shockley found herself in just this situation. The condition which was causing constant, debilitating nerve pain could not be completely corrected. So Sarah set out to learn all she could about ending the battle she was in with her pain, and finding a way to live fully with the pain. The result was the book she couldn't find when she was first diagnosed; The Pain Companion. No matter the cause of your particular pain, what she learned along the way can contribute to you living a full life anyway. It may even reduce the pain itself!
Danna Schaeffer's life was good. She and her husband were happy with their work, and especially happy about the rising stardom of their daughter, Rebecca. But their world fell apart when their daughter was murdered by a stalker. It would be many years before Danna, a playwright, would create You in Mid Air, and play about loving, and losing Rebecca. Described as both honest, poignant and funny, Danna's play captures both the grief and continued life of her relationship with the daughter she lost. It also illustrates how loss brings things we never expected into our lives. Rebecca was the actor, not her mother. But here is Danna in a one woman show, the only way she could imagine telling their story.
When Brittany Maynard was diagnosed with a virulent brain tumor, she investigated what might help her and how the end would look if nothing helped. What she learned about how that end would likely unfold scared her more than anything. She searched for a way to stay in her home state of California and still experience a gentle, pain free death when the time came. But there was none. With the support of her husband, Dan Diaz, and the rest of her family, she made the wrenching decision to move to Oregon in the last months of her life so that she could take advantage of the Oregon Death With Dignity Act, which allows terminally ill people the option of ending their life with medication. After her death, Dan became a fierce advocate for the End of Life Option Act in California and similar acts across the country. Although the California act went into effect, it is under attack and has been suspended. How is Dan affected by the grueling process of trying to fulfill his promise to Brittany?
The prison population is aging and with the longer sentences of recent years, more and more prisoners are dying without ever being released. How are they cared for? Is there anyone there to comfort or witness them in the final hours of their lives? There is a movement afoot to train other prisoners to offer care and compassion at the end of life. The impact on the ones who are doing this work, both prisoners and trainers, is profound. With the potential for loving end of life care, no matter what mistakes have been made, there is hope of an impact on a system that has certainly not always been kind. Join us to talk with people who train inmates in end of life compassion Why are they drawn to it? What has it taught them? And what can we all learn about universal compassion?
What does it take to forgive and then form a relationship with the man who murdered your father? Margot Van Sluytman lost her dad in an armed robbery when she was 16. She immediately wanted to know the man who had taken him from her. But she had many miles of grief to travel before that day would come. She needed to walk her grief and she used her writing to do that. It was 30 years later when they finally met. Surprisingly, they felt a connection. The worst moment in each of their lives was something they held in common. And their commitment to make something good out of something terrible bonded them. Since then, they have worked together to create, in their own ways, Sawbonna experiences. In Zulu Sawbonna means I see you. These two, joined by tragedy, have grown to see each other. Their ability to find the humanity in each other has given other people in their situation hope and healing. If they succeeded, can't we all do a little better at seeing each other past our differences?
Laura Davis has written about pain and healing her whole life. From her book The Courage to Heal to I Thought We'd Never Speak Again, she has offered help and hope to a wide community of people determined to find their way through their challenges. But what did she experience when her own loss, the decline and death of her mother, demanded more of her than she could have imagined? As she supported her mother, writing offered solace and helped her to move forward. And after her mother's death, she continued to find refuge in written expression. She now sits with other people writing their way through their grief, supporting them to give expression to the experience of loss.
What finally causes us to begin to explore the impact of death in our lives? For Cathy Zheutlin it was the deaths around her. As her mother's partner and several friends moved towards the end of their lives, she watched how they found their way to full living regardless of their failing health. As a person who seeks answers she became curious about how this was possible, how they could become comfortable with death. She was aware of her own fear. And knowing that her beloved mother would soon pass this way motivated her to dive deeply into her feelings and thoughts about death and to open conversations with the people around her. Out of these thoughts and conversations comes Living While Dying, a film that explores in very personal terms our fear of death and the grief it brings with it.
The death of Erica Buist's father-in-law sent her into a tailspin. The world suddenly seemed unpredictable and unsafe. She was unable to find her own ground and began to devise ways to stay in her apartment, working at home and avoiding the world. But somehow through that time, she became intensely curious about death itself. Why don't we talk about it? What are we missing? How could it be different? A journalist by profession, she began to explore how people in other parts of the world confront death. Slowly, a plan evolved: she would travel the world to experience death traditions that flew in the face of what she knew from her own culture. She would write a book! And in the process, she would face her fears and re-engage with the outside world, re-establishing her sense of safety and taking her life to its natural next level.To support Erica's book about her travels to death festivals go to unbound.com/books/deathtivals/.
In the western world in the past 30 years, conversation has opened up about grief, illness and death. On the front lines, Susan Barber has witnessed it all and been behind the scenes for its major milestones, including many years producing events for Stephen and Ondrea Levine (Who Dies, Healing into Life and Death). What does she have to tell us about the evolution of hospice care and death conversation? Where is she going? And what first inspired her to make the end of life her life's work? Now creating programs to educate the community at Mission Hospice and Home Care, she brings noted experts in the field to her community forums, adding a tremendous resource to her community. What feeds her passion to share this information and these people? Join us to hear an inspiring and remarkable story.
Losing a loved parent leaves us feeling displaced and unmoored, unsure where home is. But what if that parent has died a world away, soon after you have left her? Not long after Uma Girish moved to the U.S. her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in India. Navigating her illness and death, and then grief was especially challenged at such a distance. What does support look like when you are new to a country and when all you have known well is inaccessible to you? How do you find your way in such an unfamiliar landscape? This new territory brought new ways of thinking and cultivated a strength and resilience which was at first unpredicted. And this led to a life dedicated to supporting others, especially women, as they grieved their losses.
Breaking the silence to talk about the end of life is sometimes hard, but can also be compelling. For those who have had experience with people facing the end of their lives, the conversation is crucial. And if you work with people at the end of life, it is essential. After working as a physician in hospice and palliative care for nearly her whole career, Dawn Gross has made it her mission to open up the conversation, both in her work with patients and in her radio show, Dying to Talk. Her commitment to the conversation is contagious, and what she has to say is authentic and true. But how did she get there? What sent her in the direction of dedicating her life to a shift in the cultural conversation about death? Join us to find out.
What is it about deep loss and devastating life circumstance that sometimes hones our compassion? Perhaps we become aware of others who suffer as we do. Perhaps we come to feel there is nothing left but opening to compassion's mysteries. And perhaps compassion finds us at a desperate moment where nothing else works. For Virginia Sampson, it was all of the above. In compassion she found a balm she had never experienced before. As she developed her own capacity to meet others with compassion, her life transformed. Compassion became her passion and sharing how it can build our families, communities and businesses became her life's purpose. Join us to find out how we can build our own compassion to heal our lives.
With life experience, particularly loss experience, do we sometimes become more interested in connection, communication and compassion? For Barbara Gaughen-Muller, this is true. Her life work in facilitating meaningful conversation has sustained her through many of life's most difficult trials, including the death of her beloved husband. Join us to talk about how revolutionary conversations have informed her life and profoundly influenced her work and relationships. What are the tools she has discovered that enrich and sustain communication? How can we insure that we are truly understanding each other? How can we heal relationships when understanding has been lacking? A few simple tools can influence our ability with huge effects.
After a loss, it can come as a surprise that we still feel love for and feel connected to the person who is no longer in this world. How do we continue to find ways to carry out that relationship in our everyday life? Author Allison Gilbert, out of her own losses, began to find ways to creatively and joyfully connect with her loved ones, making quilts of neckties and plates printed with her grandmother's recipe for cake. In countless ways, she took the actions that resulted in an ongoing joy in the love she still felt. Many a griever has been led to believe that death ends things, yet few grievers actually end up feeling that way. Love continues, the impulse to act on that love continues and we find ourselves in an ever evolving communion with whoever we have lost. Creativity, the realm where nothing needs to make sense, is the perfect environment for this critical act of remembrance and love.
When John Brooks daughter jumped to her death from the Golden Gate bridge, his grieving mind searched for answers. He had thought she was a well-adjusted, normal teen, successful and getting ready to go to college. But how could she have done this if that was true? He set out to try his best to understand what had driven her and, in the process, learned about the potential impact on development of adoption. Could attachment issues have been part of what pushed her so far? His loss led him to devote himself to making sure other adoptive families have the information they need to be healthy and secure. And he has also worked tirelessly to improve safety at the Golden Gate to save other families from the agony he and his wife have endured.
After many other losses, Brent Green prepared to lose the last member of his family of origin, his sister. As the family sat with her, a wise chaplain introduced questions that opened up a new way for Brent to think about loss, death and its impact on living. During his grief, these questions continued to occupy him and led to his latest book, Questions of the Spirit: The Quest for Understanding at a Time of Loss. What are the questions that captured his attention and how did he answer them for himself? The first question, Is there any value in suffering? led to all the others. What did he conclude about the potential value of our suffering and our losses? Join us to explore what he learned asking the deepest questions of living.
As Claire WIneland waits for the lung transplant she now needs, we re-air an interview with her. How does it feel to live with life-limiting illness from your first day? How does it influence the way you look at the world and what you believe. And what is the impact of living with an illness that so many people die of, to be close, from an early age, to people you outlive? Nineteen year old Claire Wineland has lived with Cystic Fibrosis since early in her childhood and it has led her to a life of service and connection. She has written a book, delivered a TED talk and started a foundation. And she has profound messages to share about what we all can do to face the fact of death and infuse our lives with purpose and meaning. We'll be talking about the amazing things she's learned, the amazing work she has already done, and the struggles it took for her and her family to find their way.
At the heart of the Lavender Pen tour of October, 2017 was a recognition that none of us are free until we are all free. One way participants connected LGBTQ oppression with the oppression of people of color and other marginalized communities was watching the film From Selma to Stonewall, which explores the intersection of the fights for African American civil rights and LGBTQ rights. The filmmakers then met the tour in Selma to speak at Brown Chapel and walk the Edmund Pettus Bridge with the tour participants. Filmmaker Caldwell took the original walk with Dr. Martin Luther King. Filmmaker Marilyn Bennett is a lifelong advocate for LGBTQ rights, especially within the church community. How did this tour, with its recognition of the intersection of these fights, affect them? What was it like to walk the bridge with 300 people, reliving the experience of Civil Rights workers who marched with King? What do they want to share about the impact of shared commitment to each other's fights?
A tour which began from a desire to offer solace and inspiration to communities under attach became, also, an inspiration to those who participated and to people across the country. Capturing the imagination of many communities, the Lavender Pen tour attracted a full concert of people dedicated to capturing the tour for history. Most important, a film was envisioned to tell the stories of the tour as it travelled the southern U.S. As bridges were built between the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus and the Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir, everyone traveling with them ultimately felt themselves pulled into the embrace. How does a filmmaker like David Charles, tasked with telling the story yet drawn into the story himself, decide what should be included? And how does his own life experience affect his view? What happens when the director becomes part of the action?
After the presidential election of 2016, two choir directors were looking for a way to take action. The San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus thought a tour of the southern states might give the choir an opportunity to offer solace and call attention to anti LGBTQ legislation. The Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir was moved by the message of inclusion and social activism and signed on. So the two directors, Tim Seelig and Terrance Kelly, collaborated to create a tour that would bring inspiration and support at every stop. The tour did just that, but what they couldn't have predicted was the magic that would happen between members of the two choirs and the profound experience all three hundred people would have. Join both directors on Good Grief as they talk about the power of music as a tool for justice, about what impacted them as directors on the tour, and what they imagine in the future to continue the incredible momentum the tour created.
The war between so-called pro-choice and pro-life forces in America seem divided beyond repair. But where does that leave women who have made the often painful and important decision to have an abortion? As Kassi Underwood says, they are left with a choice between regret and relief, with few opportunities to talk about the experience and feel supported in their personal struggles. Kassi knows from personal experience that needing to hide all the sometimes complex feelings left after an abortion has a greater chance of fracturing women than the abortion itself. For even necessary losses are still losses, deserving our ear and calling for our attention. With great humor and fierce honesty, Kassi Underwood takes us along on her own search for answers and, in the process, helps us to think more deeply about this important subject.
When therapist Nisha Zenoff's 17 year old son died, her extensive training in supporting clients in grief suddenly felt inadequate. She entered a new world that called everything into question. Putting one foot in front of another, time passed and she came through the worst initial grief and became especially well prepared to support other parents who had lost a child. Although grief does not end, Nisha found a way forward. She has now compiled everything she has learned, from her own experience and from other parents she has worked with and interviewed, into a book. The Unspeakable Loss explores a wide range of experiences parents can expect after the loss of a child and guides them toward a way to take their next step forward.
What is modern about loss? Human beings have been experiencing loss for as long as there have been human beings. But there is a movement going on right now that seeks to open up the conversation about grief, to create communities of people that support each other through their hardest times. As we engage on social media and through the internet the world becomes smaller and smaller and our ability to connect with other people and share our losses becomes more accessible. Modern Loss, the platform that Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner created after their own losses, gives voice to the change. The book, Modern Loss, which evolved from this community tells the stories of those who came to find each other and support each other and stayed because grief and loss weave through our lives forever.
How much do you know about offering empathy when someone you love is having hard times? Kelsey Crowe found that many people in her own life had a hard time being there for her through her own most difficult moments. Then she noticed that she was not great at it either! It became her mission to learn and teach the skills that lead to a sense that we are loved, supported, and trusted to find our own solutions. The book she co-authored with Emily McDowell, There is No Good Card for This, is a practical guide to support. Her organization, Help Each Other Out, offers valuable services for becoming more empathically wise and offering greater compassion to the people in we care about. Join us as we talk about her hard won lessons and how she learned them.
The heart which has known loss looks for echoes. Who has something to teach us about this new and daunting territory? Julie Saeger Nierenberg and Victoria Brewster set out on a search for people who had something to say about death, dying and end of life. In the process, they created a book full of individual and professional insights into the land of loss. Join us to talk about their new book, how it came about, and the impact it's had on them to explore this world.
As conversations about the end of life have become more open and available, many of us have become more active in planning our own ends. But what are the resources that help us to plan well? What can support us as we work to understand our choices and their consequences? Thankfully, there is help available. Joy Loverde has written a book to help us answer the questions most critical in planning for an end of life that reflects our values and resources. Who Will Take of Me When I'm Old? frames the questions to ask and the possible answers, leaving us free of the worry of an unplanned last period of living.
What happens when a person who has supported others through their hardest times faces his own hardest time? In Rabbi Steve Leder's case, a crisis in his own life led to a deepening understanding of what it takes to come through such a time and what helps when you are the one facing something so life changing. Surviving, healing and growing forever holds the possibility of finding a more profound meaning. Rabbi Leder found that in his own suffering, his understanding of suffering itself deepened. Inevitably, he felt a call to share his new understandings and encourage others to make the most of their hardest times. We'll discuss the book that came out of his experience, More Beautiful than Before.
When Michelle Steinke-Baumgard's husband died suddenly, she found her few moments of peace in exercise. First depending on that time as a lifeline, she soon found a deep passion for the healing effects of endorphins on her grief, helping her to find a way forward for her life. Now, she is a fierce advocate for the power of exercise and endorphins as therapy for grief and trauma. Her book, Healthy Healing, tells her own story and shares what she learned about the the impact of exercise on well being. Michelle is a powerful guide for others who use exercise as a tool in their worst times. Join us to learn how physical exercise can help and how to find our ways there when we may be feeling like curling up in the corner!
How can talking about death make living more meaningful? Olivier Larvor and Keith Clarke, two men who gave up successful careers in top companies to form their own life coach practices, believe that contemplating death can lead to a more vibrant quality in life and an improved sense of priorities. Together, they created Death Hangout, a podcast dedicated to conversation about death and life. This led them to co-author a book, Death, The Best Life Coach Ever which they plan to publish in 2018. Finding joy in their new relationships to living, they are passionate about opening up conversations about death and life.
Loss can leave you alone and confused, with no one who gets what you're going through. If loss comes at a relatively young age, there may be no one in your friendship network who has been through it. After her father's death, Carla Fernandez found herself struggling to find support. She invited people she found through her larger circle, all of whom had experienced loss themselves, to come to dinner. This simple act grew into a widely recognized set of supports for other people across the country to create just such dinner parties. In coming together, participants break the isolation of grief and turn isolation into community, support and connection.
With improvements in field medicine, an even greater number of soldiers have come home from wars in Afghanistan and Iraq disabled and in need of care. Their families then pick up the majority of that care and must adjust to a very different life than the one they lived before. In the film Weight of Honor, Stephanie Seldin Howard explores the impact on these families and how they adjust to profound losses and changes. What support do they receive? What is missing? And what can we learn from their experiences? Join us as we talk about the film and what Stephanie learned making it.
Sometimes a moment comes when we can no longer stay silent about what we have been through. Then it's time to speak out and claim our own courage and resiliency! Such a moment came for Milck, a musician who had experienced physical and sexual abuse and pressures to meet commodified standards of beauty, especially for her music career. Finding her unique voice led to her song Quiet, an anthem for breaking out of our silence. Then, after the 11/16 election, she felt moved to gather a flash mob and perform the song at the Women's March. In a serendipitous twist of fate, filmmaker Alma Har’el captured one of the performances, propelling the song into a viral explosion! Now, Milck has created www.icantkeepquiet.org, to collect stories and create a movement while supporting the work of Step Up, which serves at risk girls.
When Diane Barnes, an accomplished physician, experienced a devastating stroke, she relearned many things. In the process, she learned how to live differently, leaving her profession and finding a new path as an actor and playwright. Her most recent play, My Stroke of Luck, chronicles her recovery from her stroke. How does the loss of all you have valued lead to such a creative and unexpected result? And what helped Diane to go beyond recovery and find a new meaning in her life? Most importantly, what does she consider lucky in this most unlucky of circumstances? Join us to find out!
Keeping memories alive of people we've lost is a way to continue our relationships. As society becomes more comfortable talking about death and loss and grief, public remembrances also become a more universally accepted practice. Websites, Facebook pages and other ways to collect these memories gain in popularity and become more and more appreciated by those of us who want to remember. Allison Gilbert, author of Passed and Present, a book full of activities to support these continued relationships, now works with an organization devoted to legacy. Join as as she returns to Good Grief to share this new work and expand our understanding of the options available to us.
Kate Kendell's courage and conviction helped win the battle for marriage rights for all Americans, including those in same sex relationships. Her fierce advocacy and legal strategy have made her a popular speaker and social media personality. What led her here? Growing up Mormon and coming to terms with being a lesbian clarified her belief that all people deserve fair treatment and equal civil rights. Her career at the National Center for Lesbian Rights has supported the legal struggles of many LGBTQ communities, defining intersectionality and equal rights for ALL. Join us for conversation about the struggles facing these communities today, and how her own early experiences of oppression and judgement fuel her to keep up the fight!
When all we know leaves us unprepared for loss, we must find a new way to respond. And when suicide is involved, the weight of what could have been can be weighty. Tara Caffelle’s former husband and good friend died, and she was left to sort out what she could have done, knowing she had done all she could. In her grief, she found her life.
How does someone find his way from the murder, at age 14, of both his parents to a life guided by big love? Scott Stabile evolved from putting his grief aside and going on with life to honoring and respecting, even inviting, his grief. In the process, he learned a lot about living with an open heart and loving himself and others as completely as possible in each moment. When he opened up to his deepest feelings, his deepest self, what he found was an unequivocal commitment to living a big, loving life and sharing what he'd found with other people.
As the United States increases its levels of incarceration and the length of sentences, more and more inmates are aging and dying in prison. How are they to be supported at the end of life? At Iowa State Penitentiary, the medical staff collaborated with the inmates to create a hospice program for dying incarcerated men. A special room is designed with comfort in mind, and prisoners who are part of the program can attend to the needs of the dying person. Family members can visit as well, giving everyone a chance for final words and interactions. Prison Terminal, an Edgar Barens film about one man in the program, makes it clear how much he benefited. It is also clear how much those who volunteer with the program benefit, finding a deep sense of purpose, meaning and love.
What is the legacy of trauma to future generations? Recent epigenetics research reveals that even the DNA of children, grandchildren and beyond are affected by severe trauma in generations before them. And so, the killings of 6 million Jews in the Holocaust, the genocide in Rwanda, the bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the falling of the Twin Towers in New York; we continue to be affected by them. Elizabeth Rosner's parents, who lived through the Holocaust and came to the U.S., then eventually raised three children, left their imprint on her and her siblings and even generations beyond. Her compelling book, Survivor Cafe, tells both the parts of her family's story she is able to capture and also struggles with the subject of how our culture can begin to heal from these traumas. Join us as we explore what she has learned!
Jahnna Beecham and Katie Ortlip were friends and neighbors who sometimes had interesting conversations about Katie's work in hospice. She'd sometimes come home talking about a good death she'd experienced that day. The conversation became much more real for Jahhna when her 90 year old father was given a short time to live and she took on his care. Suddenly, she needed every bit of knowledge her friend Katie could share with her. As time went on, she realized she was not alone in needing this vital information and, as a writer, began planning a book, a collaboration with Katie, to give other people a head start when they faced caring for a dying loved one. Their book, Living With Dying, is the result.
When Bill Philipps was fourteen, he watched his mother die after a life without peace. A few days later, he experienced the first manifestations of his unusual gift when she came to him to tell him what it was like now that she had died and crossed over. Over the years, he came to trust the times he heard others speak to him from the other side. But he didn't see himself as someone who fit the mold of a psychic medium. It took him years to claim his true gift and commit himself to offering it to others. Embracing his true purpose, he set out to bring peace, healing and hope to people grieving the loss of people they loved. And in following his purpose, his own life gained meaning and joy, bringing healing to him as well as them.
Mindy Fried resolved to take the best possible care of her father as he neared the end of his life. That commitment was complicated by distance, a lifetime of relationship and the usual difficulties of care management, both his and hers. What supported her, more than anything, was the moments she took to write down what was happening. This simple practice, one she had employed many times for many reasons, kept her focused on what she was attempting. In the process, it gave her valuable insight into how to navigate this precarious and challenging terrain, and led her to a book telling their story and offering support and solace to others caring for their loved ones.
When Laura Lewis children were three and six, the love of her life, the father of her children, killed himself without warning. In the years that followed, she struggled to regain her balance, experiencing a destructive rebound relationship (which brought the blessing of a third child), a divorce and countless twists and turns. In the process, she learned what it took to keep herself healthy and well and, as she gained resiliency and strength, she found a passion for helping other people along the road to their best lives. Join us to talk about what helped, what didn't, and how she thinks about her own path to wellness these many years later!
After years of work in end of life care, Mary Matthiesen was blindsided by the death of her mother. She was also filled with inspiration resulting from the conversations they had and the choices her mother made about completing her life on her own terms. In an evolution in her thinking born out of her story, Mary became impassioned about these conversations between people at the end of their lives, health care professionals and community leaders, believing that it is in the intersection between all these participants that brings a death in alignment with the person. Her epiphany, born out of both painful and beautiful experience, continues to lead her in directions she couldn't have imagined and feeds her passion to open the door on conversations about death!
After the death of his mother, Ned Buskirk wondered why we don't talk about death more. As a producer and artist, he found a way to invite the conversation when he hosted a small event in his home, called You're Going to Die: Poetry, Prose and Anything Goes. It was a hit, and led to larger and larger monthly events, a musician's program to work with people at the end of life, and finally, the largest event ever at the Great American Music Hall; You're Alive. He has established a non profit to support all these projects and bring the conversation to a larger and larger audience. He has also integrated the arts into the conversation, broadening his audience and inspiring in the meantime. What does he have in his vision for the future? Join us to find out.
As a young and innocent 13 year old, Madeleine Black experienced an unimaginable and brutal rape which changed the course of her life. Although she spent many years affected by the experience, she was able, through her own perseverance and determination, to heal herself and create a life which she calls the best revenge. In the process, as a complete surprise to her, she came over many years to forgive the men who hurt her and let go of the anger and horror she had carried with her. By facing her own fears and finding people to help her, she found herself again and learned to live a courageous and fulfilled life.
Mirabai Starr was decades into a deep spiritual practice. Then on the day her first book, a translation of Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross, came out, her daughter was killed in a car crash. All she knew went out the window in this loss beyond all losses. Over time, what seemed to be lost after her daughter's death led to a transformation and deepening of her spiritual life. In her newest book, Caravan of No Despair: A Memoir of Loss and Transformation, she shares the path she took to find meaning for her life after such a terrible loss. Join us to hear how she found her way and where that has led.
Phyllis Shacter's husband made a series of radical choices about how his life would end. When he received two life limiting diagnoses within six weeks of each other, Alzheimers and cancer, he refused cancer treatment and employed natural methods instead. He planned and participated in his own funeral and followed what he believed was best for him, choosing to stop eating and drinking before he was unable to consciously decide how his life would end. Throughout all of these experiences and decisions, he had a supporter and advocate in his wife Phyllis. Understanding the choices he was making, she stood as a pillar to his right to end life in the way that was right for him. He left her with a mission; by sharing his story, she would contribute to the conversation on end of life options. Powered by her love of him and the peace and beauty he felt at the end of his life, she speaks powerfully for taking our lives in our own hands and fully exploring what is best for each of us.
People experiencing serious mental illness are likely to suffer numerous losses; of family, jobs, stability and security. How can they be supported to identify their own goals and move towards accomplishing them, even if their condition cannot be fully managed? How do we maintain faith in their human capacity for change and growth within their own context? Psychiatrist William Tucker learned through his relationships with clients in the field that no matter what the diagnosis, they had goals and aspirations. His job, as he saw it, was to accept the person as is and listen carefully for what they dreamed of. In the process, he had the satisfaction of his patients finding their way and, in some cases, bringing some healing to their difficult life trials. And he learned valuable lessons about our shared humanity, regardless of our personal struggles!
Until recently, very little attention was paid to the quality of our lives at the very end of our lives. But that is changing, fueled by patient demand but also by a group of medical practitioners who are passionate about making sure everything possible is done to empower people at the end of life. At the forefront of this movement are the palliative care doctors who help seriously ill and dying people navigate the territory they have entered, often unprepared. Shoshana Ungerleider took her own work as a palliative care doctor (and teacher) a step further, creating a foundation that supports work to improve end of life and organizing the End Well conference (December, 2017) to share groundbreaking work in end of life care. Join us to hear what contributes to a good end and how we can prepare for this deeply potent time in all of our lives.
Bill Hayes left his life in San Francisco for New York City, hoping to heal from the loss of his partner and find comfort in the sharp rhythms and landscape of the New York skyline. Unexpectedly, he fell in love with Oliver Sacks, famous for his many books and stunning career as a neurologist. Sacks fell in love with Bill at 75 years old, having never fallen in love before. In the few years they experienced together they found something precious and beautiful. And Bill was there to see Oliver through the end of this human adventure as well. What emerges in Bill Hayes' book, Insomniac City is both a meditation on grief and a celebration of life. Join us to talk about their experiences together and the impact their relationship has had on Bill!
Lucy Hone was already an expert on resilience when she faced the worst nightmare of her life; her daughter, best friend, and best friend's daughter were killed together in an auto accident. How did she use what she knew about resilience to face her grief? What does the field of resilience have to offer grievers? And how do we decide, in each moment, which of our many human tools to activate to carry us to the next day? For Lucy, the constant question was, will this help me or hurt me? By paying attention to the answer and giving herself what she needed to stay connected to living, she was able (and continues) to find her way through unimaginable loss. We all benefit from one of the tools that helped her the most; writing about what resiliency research has to contribute to the conversation about grief.
As a person who had a long time meditation practice, Joe DiNardo had carried himself through hard times with presence and grace. But his wife's diagnosis with pancreatic cancer required that he bring every resource he had to each moment. He was sustained by his practice and also by an acute sense of his love for her and his absolute commitment to be with her every step of the way. How did his meditation practice help him do that? What sustained him through the loss of his life partner and love? And how does his experience show itself in his grief and life after his loss? Impassioned about the potential of simple presence to see us through life's most difficult experiences, Joe shares his own story in hopes of supporting others through their own hard times.
From the time Fleur was 4 years old, she communicated with the souls of people who were no longer alive. By good fortune, her family recognized that this was a gift, that she was different in a good way. Still, she didn't anticipate making a living with that gift. She grew up, and entered pre-med at UCLA in Los Angeles. Somehow, despite her intention for a medical career, she found her way to a life of communication with souls beyond this life. How did the road lead her to a full time career as a medium and psychic? What has she learned from her many communications with people who have crossed over? What impact do theses communications have on the grief of the people who come to her readings?
Filmmaker Matt Wolf is compelled by the people who nurture the legacy of artists who died of AIDS. He has made films about and interviewed many people who lived through the worst of the AIDS epidemic and fight to keep the public remembering and revering those we lost. A vibrant and highly creative community was in some ways decimated during those terrible years and we are left with the works they created yet also with the knowledge of what will never be created. What guides those who guard these memories and keeps the work alive? What drew Matt to this work? Does our relationship to those we lost change over time. And how does a generation that matured when the worst of it was over, especially in the gay community, relate to its history?
How does a cancer diagnosis change a life? When Patricia Bahia was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, it resulted in a commitment to live her bucket list. For her, this meant committing her life to two things; well-being and music. For her, that was really one thing. Her music was a place to express her new relationship to her life and to engage more fully with every aspect of that life. Her songs inspire, sooth and express the wonder of living with an awareness that we all, someday, die!
Holland Young was an impish and active 3 year old when she started complaining to her parents that she had a headache. In short order, she transformed from a very healthy to a very sick child. As the Youngs navigated the agonizing world of cancer treatment for children, what could they rest in? What helped them face the unimaginable? What gave them a way to love life again, especially after Holland died of her illness? Already strong Christians, they found themselves depending even more deeply on their faith and community, discovering that even when we experience the worst, we can still feel held and loved. We can continue forward with a mission of love and care for others. And we can still, ultimately, experience joy again.
Bill Hayes left his life in San Francisco for New York City, hoping to heal from the loss of his partner and find comfort in the sharp rhythms and landscape of the New York skyline. Unexpectedly, he fell in love with Oliver Sacks, famous for his many books and stunning career as a neurologist. Sacks fell in love with Bill at 75 years old, having never fallen in love before. In the few years they experienced together they found something precious and beautiful. And Bill was there to see Oliver through the end of this human adventure as well. What emerges in Bill Hayes' book, Insomniac City is both a meditation on grief and a celebration of life. Join us to talk about their experiences together and the impact their relationship has had on Bill!
Nancy Saltman has had and survived cancer twice. But that could not have prepared her for the worst losses of her life. On an ordinary day, she got the phone call telling her that her husband and two sons, her whole family, had died in a plane crash. How would she find her way to a life she wanted to live? By stepping left, then right, she slowly created a new life. Some of the things that helped her rested on things she had always done, like helping others and writing. She realized her early life had prepared her for resilience, and that played a part as well. She didn't need to know what her new life would look like to begin living it. She simply had to step out in the certainty that the way froward would present itself. And it did.
Finding recovery, purpose and peace all the way to the end of our lives can be challenging. Aging, with its accumulated losses and disappointments, finds us. Navigating the territory of life's difficulties in midlife carries unique obstacles. But it also holds the promise of being motivated to the lives we truly want to live! In learning how to grieve and then go on to grow, midlife can lead to our best life. But what are the ingredients that hold this promise? And how do we ensure that we won't get stuck along the way? In Midlife Maze, Jan Johnston's answer, we find practical tips on walking the path of midlife to arrive at the answer for ourselves.
When you watch someone you love live, and ultimately die, in an abusive relationship, how does it shape your own life? Sheila Kohler's sister was her childhood friend, her confidante. Living parallel lives, her sister Maxine staying in South Africa and Sheila traveling the world. But Maxine's death propelled Sheila towards a turning point. Sheila could see that accepting the abuse in her relationship had led to Maxine's death. Finding a resolve to make her own life what she wanted it to be, Sheila turned towards the things she needed to change, creating the kind of life she truly wanted to live. Becoming a novelist, she told the story of her sister in story after story, Maxine always the main character. And over time, she gathered her resolve to tell the story of the loss itself in her memoir, Once We Were Sisters. What questions remain that will never be answered? And how does the impact of Maxine's death continue to unfold in Sheila's life?
One crushing event by itself would have led Deb Hart into a dark night of the soul. But how could she absorb two terrible losses; the death of her son at 22 and a breast cancer diagnosis? She asked all the usual questions; why me, what is the meaning of this, what's the purpose of living? As she navigated through her experience, she learned how to live with those questions and create a new life AFTER. Inevitably, part of making meaning of these terrible events led her offering service to others and supporting people who are going through what she did. Discovering that joy could still be a part of this new life invigorated her and helped her move through the darkness into a new day.
As the life span of people diagnosed with cancer has lengthened, questions arise about what life looks like after. A physical illness is also a life event, a story that often needs to be told and existential questions that yearn for meaningful reflection. Surviving cancer and then learning to live in her changed landscape, Cheryl Krauter was able to employ all her training from a humanistic psychological perspective to tell her own story and find her transformed, authentic life. In her book, Surviving the Storm, she shares all she's learned as she guides that process for others. What we learn from deep personal experience, we have to share, and she is a perfect example of that!
How does it feel to live with life-limiting illness from your first day? How does it influence the way you look at the world and what you believe. And what is the impact of living with an illness that so many people die of, to be close, from an early age, to people you outlive? Nineteen year old Claire Wineland has lived with Cystic Fibrosis since early in her childhood and it has led her to a life of service and connection. She has written a book, delivered a TED talk and started a foundation. And she has profound messages to share about what we all can do to face the fact of death and infuse our lives with purpose and meaning. We'll be talking about the amazing things she's learned, the amazing work she has already done, and the struggles it took for her and her family to find their way.
In a childhood filled with loss, neglect and longing, perhaps the biggest loss is a connection to one's own heart. Hardening to cope with what is lacking, we can become rigid, avoiding our deep feelings and most precious longing. How do we re-awaken our connection to the deepest parts of us? Often, it is through pains that break open the protection we've created. We're no longer able to ward off the depth of our feelings. A process of grief, mourning and reawakening then becomes possible. For Leonard Szymczak, all roads eventually led to this deep dive towards the home within him, which exists beyond any geographic place, any relationship, job or love. It was a journey back to the home inside of himself!
Some people think that dying people increasingly speak nonsense, losing their grip on reality. But Lisa Smartt, a linguist trained to pay deep attention to words, realized as her father was dying that what he was saying was coherent and deeply moving, pointing to a world which she little understood and inviting an exploration of what he might be talking about. After his death, she hurtled headlong into a mission; collecting final words, convinced they had something profound to offer those of us who are not dying. The Final Words Project and her book, Words at the Threshhold: What We Say as We're Nearing Death, are the beautiful result.
Regardless of changes in the legal rights of LGBTQ people, end of life can feel like a step backward, with biased health care workers and lack of resources. How can we educate health facilities and workers to deliver appropriate services regardless of their personal beliefs or assumptions? And how do people in these communities come to trust that when they access services, they will be treated well and in a way that honors them as individuals? Kimberly Acquaviva has been on a mission to educate a multi-disciplinary community of health professionals working with illness and end of life so that care will be safe for their LGBTQ patients. Join us to learn what inclusion looks like and how facilities can insure that their care is welcoming and appropriate!
The war between so-called pro-choice and pro-life forces in America seem divided beyond repair. But where does that leave women who have made the often painful and important decision to have an abortion? As Kassi Underwood says, they are left with a choice between regret and relief, with few opportunities to talk about the experience and feel supported in their personal struggles. Kassi knows from personal experience that needing to hide all the sometimes complex feelings left after an abortion has a greater chance of fracturing women than the abortion itself. For even necessary losses are still losses, deserving our ear and calling for our attention. With great humor and fierce honesty, Kassi Underwood takes us along on her own search for answers and, in the process, helps us to think more deeply about this important subject.
Sometimes a moment comes when we can no longer stay silent about what we have been through. Then it's time to speak out and claim our own courage and resiliency! Such a moment came for Milck, a musician who had experienced physical and sexual abuse and pressures to meet commodified standards of beauty, especially for her music career. Finding her unique voice led to her song Quiet, an anthem for breaking out of our silence. Then, after the 11/16 election, she felt moved to gather a flash mob and perform the song at the Women's March. In a serendipitous twist of fate, filmmaker Alma Har’el captured one of the performances, propelling the song into a viral explosion! Now, Milck has created www.icantkeepquiet.org, to collect stories and create a movement while supporting the work of Step Up, which serves at risk girls.
Barry Milazzo's beautiful son was born healthy and strong. But after two childhood immunizations, he became severely disabled, unable to communicate, walk or meet virtually any developmental milestones. With his faith severely tested, Barry deepened his own understanding of God in his life, learning to surrender to whatever might come next, while listening closely to any whispers of his own part to play in inviting his son's very best life. Barry's is a story of healing, and of learning to let go of control!
When our friends and loved ones face a crisis, we often don't know what to say. Do we say anything at all? What if we say the wrong thing? Nearly everyone who has faced a hard time has heard things that weren't so helpful. But worse yet is silence, saying nothing. Emily McDowell faced such a time and, as a graphic designer, she chose to respond by doing what she loved- creating cards that say what is most helpful in bad times. Her empathy cards not only helped people reach out; by sharing she also helped people in similar circumstances feel heard and seen! Her tremendous success with the cards inevitably led to a book, There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love.
What more is to be learned when an experienced hospice and palliative care nurse is diagnosed herself? And how does that bring a deep richness to the world of her patients? Having learned the poetry of sitting with those facing serious and life limiting illness, Judith Redwing Keyssar brought all of that experience into her response to her own illness. All of what she felt and learned compel her to tell the stories of people at the end of their lives, encouraging us to practice dying by paying attention to what dying people have to share. Inside of these stories, our own and other peoples', live inspirations for our work and our lives. They invite poetry, music and meaning and connect us at the most transcendent level.
Keeping our hearts open with people at the end of life brings blessings not just to them but to us as well. Accompanying people as they ail and die can be deeply rewarding and few feel this as keenly at Deanna Cochran, who trains experts in the field to meet each moment present and alive. A strong advocate for palliative care long before hospice is appropriate, she has brought her own experience with the death of her moth to countless families needing guidance with their loved ones' illnesses, passing and the inevitable grief that follows. What are the things she most relies on the guide her steps? What keeps her open and motivated so that she can be the best possible guide. And what can each of us learn in listening to her story? On the eve of releasing her first book, join us to hear how Deanna has found her way to her life's passion!
Grief touches us at the outer reaches of our experience, challenging us to respond to new and unfamiliar terrain in our own souls. Finding rituals and pathways to carry us through the mysterious territory of loss encourages new ways to look at life and at ourselves. When we encounter a seasoned guide to walk with us through the unfamiliar terrain, grief can become a journey full of meaning. Francis Weller is such a guide, gently encouraging us towards new territory and integrating many Western and Indigenous traditions to help along the way. What supports us as grievers? What matters to us? What are the many ways to walk this road? And what is awaiting us when we have made room for this deepest of human experiences? These questions are the work of a lifetime. Join us to explore, to discover and to ask what we can do to love ourselves through loss.
The dreams we have of loved ones after they die have a deep impact, connecting us to the person we've lost. Sometimes there is a special quality to the dreams, feeling more like visitations. But there is sometimes a hesitation to talk about these dreams. After his own loss, Josh Black was compelled to study these dreams, both because of his own experiences and because he saw that listening to the dreams of others offered them support in their pain. He remains committed to uncovering what these dreams signify to those who have them and what they tell us about the process of grief itself.
Bringing compassion to the end of a life impacted by dementia presents unique challenges for families and caregivers. How do we face the inherent losses and frustrations with grace and create a warm and loving environment to improve the quality of this end time? While working with people with dementia facing the end of their lives, Joyce Simard developed a unique program embodying compassionate, holistic, person-centered care. She has travelled the world to share her model of care with providers and families hoping to support the unique challenges of this community. She has learned by trial and error what works to support everyone concerned with the care of dying people with dementia. And she is passionate about sharing what she's learned!
When you're used to being certain, successful and on top of things, uncertainty is a new and unfamiliar territory. Amy Van Atta Slater entered that territory when illness, loss and divorce converged to create a very uncertain future. Now, what mattered was how she would respond to all the changes. What could she do to create a new life that reflected those changes? The changes that were beyond her control led to an examination of the changes she might choose, to create the life she really wanted to be living. Bringing all of the mighty skills she'd learned in business, she set out to transform her life into a more authentic and satisfying landscape. And in the process, she discovered that she was good at supporting others through their metamorphoses too!!
Watching someone you love struggle with a mental illness is wrenching and frightening. Ingrid Blaufarb Hughes knows that all too well! Her son, Aaron, struggled with schizophrenia until it finally led to his death. She stood by helpless in the face of a world she did not live in, loving him but being unable to make a difference. Her experience with her brilliant son compels her to tell the stories of other families facing similar experiences. As a writer, she also needed to tell their story, eloquently capturing her family's truth in her book, Losing Aaron.
When Dorothie and Martin Hellman faced the collapse of their marriage, it had to die in it's old form to make room for a new way of loving and relating to each other. But what started as a very personal path back to their marriage quickly taught them something significant about the world we live in; that it is indeed possible to face global challenges with compassion and love, creating solutions far beyond our limited imaginations. How did learning to love their differences and honor each other lead them to a map for a more sustainable and peaceful planet? In discussing the book they wrote together, A New Map for Relationships: Creating True Love at Home & Peace On The Planet, we will begin to glimpse the answer. In these times of rising global threat and inability to understand each other, can we afford not to try?
When Marian Partington was 25 years old, her 21 year old sister vanished. She and her family would not know what happened for 20 years, leaving them in a state of suspended animation, moving forward and yet not. As Marian lived her life, forming relationships, having children and making a career, there was a frozen place which could not thaw until her sister's body was finally found and those responsible were identified. Yet she knew that the way forward must include an attempt to forgive. Her intuition told her that trying to forgive was the only way to free herself. This led to a deep reckoning with the part of her and every human that is capable of doing harm. It then led, ultimately, to work in prisons with people who had harmed other families in just the way she had been. Bringing an open and forgiving heart into the prisons with her, she was able to touch the people on the other side of the equation deeply and fully, bringing a sense of restoration to them and to herself!
On both sides of a family estrangement is the painful experience of missing what society leads us to believe is a given; that family sticks together. Sometimes, though, it becomes too painful to continue, either temporarily or permanently. How do separated family members find peace with an ambiguous loss in which they both know the other is still alive, possibly still relating to other members of the family and making assumptions about the other? Navigating this territory, on either side of the fence, is challenging yet often invites deep growth and self reflection. Learning to support oneself in a circumstance of separation holds the possibility of signaling that we are important to ourselves, that we deserve our own care. How do we invite this kind of loss out of the shadows, acknowledging how frequently family members estrange from each other? And how do we address the fear of judgement and shame that those on both sides often feel?
How does a person who has been mistreated and neglected early in life create something better for themselves? Certainly part of it is being willing to face what happened and discover who you are separate from what has happened. Gewanda Parker made of her early pain and fear a life of service and hope. Now she seeks to serve other people who also struggle, and in the meantime, treasure the life she has created. But how did she find her way? What helped her to heal from such a desperate childhood? What can she teach us about building a life when resources are wanting? Be inspired by the story of a woman who was determined not to let circumstance define her.
The rhetoric and actions of our recent election cut to the core of my own life and the safety of my family. Will my wife be stopped by police because she is Hispanic? Will my son-in-law and my grandchildren have to register because he was raised Muslim? Will those in my family with African heritage be attacked? And will I, as a lesbian, be targeted? Good Grief talks each week about the transformations that can come from loss, so I must open my heart to the possibility that this time too can be transformed into something meaningful and of service. But to do that, I need to join with other people, find inspiration and solace, and discover actions that heal, set resolve and lead to change. This week will be a call in show. What has helped you to find your way through the stunning headlines of the campaign and election? What is at stake for you personally? What actions are you considering, to sooth you in your grief and galvanize your resolve for action.
Divya Parekh is a gifted business woman, working to inspire people towards their best selves. How did her own experiences of illness and difficulty release her into her own best future? Learning to support herself through the hard times was essential to her cultivation of a steadfast emotional intelligence she could share with others. Having been to the depths, she discovered the way through and deepened her passion for working with people to realize themselves. In the long hours she was forced to stay quiet and heal, she cultivated the tools and insights of her trade. And now, she's able to share them, taking into account that struggle can lead to defeat, or depth!
We hear quite a bit about the experience of cancer treatment; the shocking diagnosis, the decisions, the side effects. But how much do we hear about after, when most people with cancer must adapt to a new world view, lasting lasting impacts and deep existential questions about death, and life? At a time when communities are celebrating, offering congratulations for being done the person at the center of it all feels anything but. Leanne Pooley was shocked to discover her new landscape after treatment and, being a documentary filmmaker and therefore used to speaking out and observing experience she began to look for ways to make sure the medical profession improved in their navigation of this most sensitive time.
When a lifelong practitioner of Buddhism, philosophy and healing loses her husband, how does she grieve? Elaine Mansfield observed her own experience, capturing her grief in a beautiful book and ultimately answering the call to support others through their losses as her life's calling. Unafraid to explore each aspect of her experience, the things she noticed about her grief became a book, Leaning into Love, in which she shares her own deep sorrow for the good of others. By the time she faced this most profound death, she knew well how to allow her experience, how to invite it. But this loss pushed her to a new cliff of suffering and, ultimately, a new life. Hear how she led herself to her new understandings and how loss itself became her cornerstone.
How can grief be a road to freedom? When Kaye Cleave's 18 year old daughter died, she felt imprisoned by her loss, unable to even connect to any reason to live. Desperate, willing to try anything to find a way through the agony, she began to practice mindfulness meditation and ultimately, found her way through each and every feeling and thought. So when she met a Nepalese man trying to support a school in a remote part of Nepal, and learned he had lost both parents at just 16, she found a calling. She applied all her considerable skill to the work, honoring her daughter, a lover of education, with her new mission. Her campaign, which she called Catherine's Gift, is now ready to launch, giving a purpose and a meaning to her profound loss.
Ned Buskirk did not consciously intend to open a conversation and create a movement about dying and death. But when he thought about what would make his open mic events meaningful, the title popped into his mind. What if he called it, You're Going to Die? Deeply impacted by the death of his own mother, he longed for artistic ways to express the way his life was changed by the fact of death. From this seed of an idea grew his art events, and ultimately, an international movement. Going from strictly an open mic format, he met people he wanted to hear more from and curated arts events called YG2D (Yer Going to Die), inviting his many followers to consider, would it change your life if, like milk, you knew your expiration date?
The death of Erica Buist's father-in-law sent her into a tailspin. The world suddenly seemed unpredictable and unsafe. She was unable to find her own ground and began to devise ways to stay in her apartment, working at home and avoiding the world. But somehow through that time, she became intensely curious about death itself. Why don't we talk about it? What are we missing? How could it be different? A journalist by profession, she began to explore how people in other parts of the world confront death. Slowly, a plan evolved: she would travel the world to experience death traditions that flew in the face of what she knew from her own culture. She would write a book! And in the process, she would face her fears and re-engage with the outside world, re-establishing her sense of safety and taking her life to its natural next level.
Facing any significant loss challenges all our abilities and ideas about ourselves and our lives. But what happens when that loss is somewhere across the globe, in an unfamiliar and difficult environment? When Roselee Blooston got the call letting her know that her husband had had a stroke in Dubai while working there, she and her son rushed to his side. And when he died, she was faced with an alienating and unimaginable job: sorting out what she needed to do to deal with the practicalities while compromised by the overwhelming grief. In her book, she describes the whole experience and in the meantime, draws us into the world of her marriage, her loss, her grief and the new life she created from all of it.
After a loss, it can come as a surprise that we still feel love for and feel connected to the person who is no longer in this world. How do we continue to find ways to carry out that relationship in our everyday life? Author Allison Gilbert, out of her own losses, began to find ways to creatively and joyfully connect with her loved ones, making quilts of neckties and plates printed with her grandmother's recipe for cake. In countless ways, she took the actions that resulted in an ongoing joy in the love she still felt. Many a griever has been led to believe that death ends things, yet few grievers actually end up feeling that way. Love continues, the impulse to act on that love continues and we find ourselves in an ever evolving communion with whoever we have lost. Creativity, the realm where nothing needs to make sense, is the perfect environment for this critical act of remembrance and love.
How does a parent survive watching their 8 year old child hit by a truck and killed? How does the heart heal enough to welcome another child and to love her wholly? Robert Goor wrote letters to his son Andrew naming his deep agony and, ultimately, the winding path to recovery. Rob learned to accept his grief and all the feelings that came with it, including the love and continued connection to his son. Becoming a person with deeper feelings of every kind, his letters became a book as Rob looked for a way to share the lessons he learned through his most terrible loss.
What is the connection between love, generosity and grief? In countless ways, our hearts close when we avoid the feelings connected to our small everyday losses. But in profound grief, our hearts break open and we learn how to love ourselves through it. Grief connects us to the human community and the losses we all suffer. As we walk the path of open hearted love for ourselves, we naturally become more and more generous in our connection to others. Through her own painful grief, Marianna Cacciatore discovered her own love and generosity, feeling an outpouring towards everyone who suffers. As an outgrowth of her exploration, she has written a book and is offering a 9 month study program to face up to grief and cultivate the qualities it invites.
What helps people recover from severe trauma? Belleruth Naparstek, a leading expert in healing from trauma, believes methods that employ imagery and activate the intuitive brain work much better than traditional talk therapy. She has developed powerful tools for helping people find their way after experiencing traumatic events: war, traumatic loss, abuse, natural disaster- any extreme stress. Her guided imagery audio tapes and her three books offer a clear direction for people who are hoping for recovery but have not yet found it. She has been able to demonstrate, through the strong results that have come from her work, that trauma can be healed and life can be full, regardless of our worst experiences!
When Anne-Marie Cockburn's fifteen year old daughter died of an Ecstasy overdose, her grief took her in some unexpected directions. She was compelled to write her way through the grief, overcoming an old hesitation to write, which she'd always loved. She was moved to forgive the boy who gave her daughter the drugs. And she was moved to work, with all she has, to decriminalize drug use, believing that if the drug she took had been legal, Martha, and many others like her, would not have taken too much. Anne-Marie has become a fierce advocate for legal changes, joining with other family members who have lost a loved one to make the case that we could be handling drug use so much better than we are. And in the meantime, Anne-Marie is learning to live a life without her only child.
The time after a death is filled with detail, set against the backdrop of emotion. In an overwhelming expanse of paper and planning and demand, we often find it hard to cope. But Heather Vargas and Daniella Guzman, both consummate business people, were shocked to find how hard it was for THEM. When they experienced deep losses in their lives, they too found it difficult to take care of the business of death. And once they had gotten through the initial period of mourning, they wondered how they could be of service to the community of mourners who, without their level of business savvy, struggled to deal with the details. Their business, Life After, was born! Committed to helping grievers navigate the practical territory of loss, they committed to their business with an emotional purpose.
What happens when a couple, both dedicated supporters helping others through profound grief and loss, confront their own crisis? Robert and Andrea Zucker, faced with Andrea's cancer diagnosis, have devoted all their time, resources and emotional energy to paying attention to this life experience. They have pushed everything aside to go through it together: honestly, truly and with love. They have supported each other and shared the experience. And they have looked for ways to be of service, to offer themselves to others who might benefit from observing their journey. Hear what they have learned in this newest travel through the terrain of grief and loss. Share with them what has helped them, both in what they had already learned, and in this most precious and painful time.
How is it that some of us live difficult early lives and find a way to a beautiful and meaningful adulthood, while others get lost along the way to addiction, depression, hopelessness and despair? Winston Price found in facing up to the experiences of his life the inspiration for his life. He learned that he could have an impact on how he responded to the negative. He determined that he could create positivity out of negativity. And he learned, through the discipline of martial arts, how to inspire others to their better selves. What was the journey that brought him here? Let him inspire you to believe that even in the difficulties of life, we have choices.
What compels a successful film, television and commercial ad company to make numerous films about death? Sara and Bobby Sheehan have maintained a commitment to improving the conversation about end of life, guided by their own experiences- especially with the death of Sara's father. They wanted to use their considerable expertise to create films of beauty and strength that would capture the viewer with powerful stories and well filmed footage. Making these films, including Mortal and Hope, required of them that they follow instead of lead, letting the films take on their own life. As a result, they have committed to funding the films themselves, so that they can truly go where they are led instead of where backers might require. Acts of love, the films reflect a new view of that still taboo subject: end of life. In the process, they have learned a great deal about the subject, becoming experts in how to maintain hope in knowledge of the fact that life, indeed, ends.
Receiving a cancer diagnosis plunges your life into a whole new dimension, challenging what you thought it would look like. Receiving a brain cancer diagnosis at 29 is an even deeper challenge to all you know. When Liz Salmi received that news, she began to blog, depending on social media to share her experience and gather support from her Liz Army. How did her use of digital media impact her experience? And when her health was stable, what drew her as she moved forward in her life? It led her to work with the Coalition for Compassionate Care California, supporting patients' right to choices in their end of life and education to help them prepare.
How can we create an open conversation about the damages and continued disconnects which result from racism? Shakti Butler believes that “in order to manifest human rights and dignity for all, it is necessary that we seek union between the head and heart. It is the head that can recognize, analyze and strategize to overcome disparities. It is the heart that obliterates fear.” Join us while we talk about the losses we all suffer as a result of institutionalized racism and what we can each do to cultivate a deeper dialogue beyond the boundaries of misunderstanding and stereotype.
When the twin towers fell in 2001, Elizabeth Hack was hit hard. She'd visited family many time there, considering it a home away from home. She felt the pain of all those losses and the impact of hopelessness and anger coming from it. So the next day, she began to blog about it, and eventually evolving the blog into an organization; San Francisco Peace and Hope. The organization seeks to offer solace through the arts for the world's suffering. They have continued to grow, sponsoring poetry and other events, creating a print and on line journal and drawing together people who share the intention of cultivating peace and hope in their lives.
Grief is a heroes' journey, sending us into our own wilderness and requiring that we step out into the unknown. What guides us on this fearsome path? And what might we find at the end? When Therèse Tappouni's 11 year old son died, she was catapulted into just such a journey. And as she travelled, she found her own way and also the calling of her life; to help others navigate the territory of grief. How could she encourage other's to trust their own grief so that, while grief will be with them always, it could also contain a light in the darkness? Join us to hear how she found her own way and what miracles that led to in her life.
What does a poet do when she suffers the loss of her father? She writes. Exploring the depths of her relationship with her dad, Naomi Shihab Nye writes with the beauty of love, loss and continuing relationship. Her father wanted them to write a book together, and though this didn't quite happen before his death, he jumps off of every page. His particular viewpoint as an immigrant informs her outlook too and so we are offered a rare poetic view of our culture and the danger of imposing our politics on other peoples. Personal and political, Transfer is most deeply a love poem to the father who raised her, schooled her and loved her. She gives us inspiration towards our own expression of the losses in our lives, making something exquisitely beautiful out of pain and loss. In this hour, we will talk about the loss and what it was like to write about her father after his death.
When Azim Khamisa's only son, twenty year old Tariq, was murdered by a fourteen year old boy, his immediate thought, beyond reason, was that two lives had been lost. Drowning in a sea of grief, he knew he had to bring meaning back into his life if he was to truly live again. But what could he do that would somehow honor his son and contribute in the world? Founding the Tariq Khamisa Foundation, he put his energy into doing all he could to prevent other young people from meeting the fate of his son and the boy who killed him. Reaching out to Ples Felix, the grandfather who was raising his son's murderer, was a natural step for Azim, building forgiveness and coming together to improve the chances that others would not have to live through what either of them has. Although Azim doesn't know entirely why forgiveness was his immediate path, it has led him to a life of passionate service and fulfillment despite an unbearable loss. What does he have to teach us about this choice?
Watching our own parents face the end of their lives often illuminates questions about how we want to navigate that territory. What will support our own end of life experiences? What are the limits of medical intervention? How do we create a gentle circle of care to hold us through our dying time? How do we live fully right up to the end of life? What can we put in place to make our wishes, hopes and dreams clear to those who may take a role in guiding the end of our lives when we are no longer able to make decisions for ourselves? Hattie Bryant learned the importance of thinking about her own end of life watching her mom in her final time and witnessing the pain brought by her mom's failure to address what would serve her best in that time. Hattie resolved to do better for herself and then, to help others do better for themselves, encouraging all of us to do it our own way!
When Dr. Paul Kalanithi faced a stage IV lung cancer diagnosis in his last year as a neurosurgical resident, his wife, Dr. Lucy Kalanithi faced it with him. In the twenty-two months that followed, they continued to work, had a child and he wrote a best selling book . But since his death, how have her grief and her love showed themselves? She made sure that his book, when Breath Becomes Air, was published and promoted, most importantly by her. She carried his love forward into her own life and parenting of their daughter Cady. And she lent her energy to projects that reflect the intersection between that most impactful walk through cancer with Paul, and her interest in meaning in medicine, patient-centered care and end-of-life care. So it is no surprise that she is on the advisory board of the OpenIDEO end of life challenge, exploring how to improve end of life experiences world wide. Hear how this newest passion connects with what she and Paul experienced during his illness and death.
Are there human acts that are un-forgivable? Perhaps, but as human beings, some of us are able to find a way to forgive the person or people who have hurt us. Marina Cantacuzino's mission is to collect the narratives of people facing unspeakable difficulties who have moved towards reconciliation and peace; people on the opposite sides of war, or murder, or hate crimes. Then there are those who have committed these acts engaging in the attempt to forgive themselves and to dedicate themselves to restoring what they previously wanted to destroy. What is forgiveness? What leads us in that direction? How can we turn our torments and our losses into something redeeming? What stands in the way? If we don't forgive, can we find peace?
For Claudia Bicen, curiosity about the meaning of life inevitably led to curiosity about facing death. But how would she explore that deepest of human questions? A self taught artist, she decided to interview and draw people in hospice. She would visit, get to know them, then create an audio visual portrait of how they were facing this last chapter. Perhaps she expected deep and profound wisdom, an otherworldly sense of transcendence. Instead, she came close to people, being human, reflecting on their lives and forming relationships with her that touched and opened her. This was, in the end, profound; that we simply live until we die. And yet her portraits captured the depth of the people she came to know and taught her something truly meaningful about living now.
Keeping a sense of humor at the worst of times seems impossible until you're actually living through the worst of times. No one knows that better than Nora McInerny Purmort, whose husband died of brain cancer when she was 32, with a two year old, within a short time of her fathers death and a miscarriage. In those circumstances, humor becomes a balm, a way to keep your perspective, a healing salve. And then, when that humorous outlook on bad times becomes a book, we are all invited to look at our own lives with just a little more persepctive!
How does a parent cope with the illness of a child? We want to protect and insulate our children from all harm. But when a child is diagnosed with cancer, we watch them experience many pains and ills. Purvi Shah's son Amaey was sick for six years, ultimately passing away at the age of 9. She searched for ways to cheer, comfort and sooth him (and herself) and found, in the arts, just what they both needed. Along the way, she founded Kids & Art Foundation, matching artists with families facing just what her family was facing. Since his death, the foundation has continued to grow, offering a place for families facing the illness and sometimes the death of a child from cancer a place to express their deepest experiences.
In times of profound loss, what do we turn to? Some of us look for a way to express our experience through writing or art or movement. Some of us write. Some of us turn to the comfort of the natural world, finding our place in the order of things by connecting with the outdoors. Mark Liebenow turned to his beloved Yosemite when his wife died, then wrote about what he experienced there. His writings turned into a book, Mountains of Light, and led him to a new path; writing about the landscape of grief through observing his connection to the natural world. What comfort did he find? What lessons did he learn? And now, having integrated his loss into a new life, how does this experience continue to touch him?
Ned Buskirk did not consciously intend to open a conversation and create a movement about dying and death. But when he thought about what would make his open mic events meaningful, the title popped into his mind. What if he called it, You're Going to Die? Deeply impacted by the death of his own mother, he longed for artistic ways to express the way his life was changed by the fact of death. From this seed of an idea grew his art events, and ultimately, an international movement. Going from strictly an open mic format, he met people he wanted to hear more from and curated arts events called YG2D (Yer Going to Die), inviting his many followers to consider, would it change your life if, like milk, you knew your expiration date?
After a loss, people often have to return to work much too soon. And what do they encounter? A workplace which understands very little about grief or how to support a colleague in the loss. Often, a lack of experience and education results in harmful comments and unrealistic expectations. But with a little training, the workplace can take a role in supporting us through our worst times. When Rachel Kodanaz lost her husband suddenly, she became painfully aware how unprepared her coworkers were to help her through that time. She became an impassioned advocate for better information, policies and procedures. It has become her life's work to educate corporate America what to expect, and what to offer, when workers experience life altering events.
With the legalization of marriage for all Americans and the greater level of acceptance for LGBT people, we could come to the mistaken conclusion that bias no longer affected LGBT people. But far from it, aging and dying LGBT people face an uphill climb to get the support they need; from family, facilities and professionals. Gen Silent is an intimate portrait of some of the people directly affected by outdated attitudes and beliefs. The political battle fought over these beliefs has a deep personal affect on the aging population. What does this struggle have to tell us about the great need for all aging and dying people to have access to compassionate, sensitive and acceptant care? In learning more about the special needs of this population, we may also have a window into the how to support all people in our individuality as we age and die.
At the end of life, there is so much mystery, so much we don't know. But because of the work of Barbara Karnes, we do have a map of the physical territory. Just knowing that what is happening to a loved one at the end is part of the natural process of dying can be a tremendous comfort. How did Barbara come to write her seminal books to support hospice patients and their families? What feeds her passion for educating all of us about what to expect at the end of life, and how to support each other? What changes has she seen in the field over her long career? Join us to find out.
Going through the deepest struggle is sometimes the road to new illuminations. Robin Perry Braun knows this first hand. The tremendous struggles in her early life led her to a belief that with the right practices, she could attract the life she wanted to live. This led, as it often does, to her life's work; helping other people learn and use the tools she had discovered walking her own road. At the center of her work is a metaphysical principle, the law of attraction, and she supports her clients (both individuals and corporations) to remove any blocks to this powerful potential. We will explore how this works and how she tapped into this power for herself, creating her own most meaningful life!
Palliative care has been a little understood aspect of our overall health care system even as it has become more recognized within that system as a valuable resource for patients and their families. Patients often have no education about how palliative care and hospice can serve them and ease the tremendous stresses of serious diagnosis. Thankfully, pioneers in the field have conducted an impassioned fight to educate, validate and increase access to this most essential care. Of all of these advocates, perhaps none has done more to increase the number of palliative care programs available than Diane Meier as Director of the Center to Advance Palliative Care (CAPC). Under her leadership these programs have more than tripled in ten years. What brought her to this work? What do we need to know about these services and when and how best to use them. How can we all support the effort to increase these programs where we live?
At first, grief knocks us down. we are stuck on the corner, watching almost everyone else moving down the block. But as we investigate, there is the possibility of bringing meaning to our own experience and to open up realms of consciousness that are expansive and deeply transformative. For Terri Daniel, grieving the loss of her son, these investigations led to an acceptance of the mystical realm and a belief that there is much more awaiting us after death than we know. She came to see her loss and grief as a doorway into a greater connection with and understanding of the universe and now works to support others in their own travel down the road of grief and, ultimately life and after-life. In messages received from her son, she gains tools to support dying grieving people to 'turn the corner' on the road of their loss.
Our religious and spiritual teachers encourage us to forgive, as if we know how to do that and naturally want to. Yet forgiveness is actually a complex and nuanced experience, especially complicated when great loss has resulted from an injury. How do people who have lost loved ones to murder, politically motivated violence, sexual abuse, mass murder, relate to the idea of forgiveness? What inspires some to consciously work towards a sense of forgiveness while others simply accept that some acts may, for them, be unforgivable? Does moving forward require forgiveness or is it rather an acceptance of where we really are and a support for ourselves? By telling the stories of several people who have faced the loss of loved ones through unspeakable violence, Johanna Lunn examined the question of forgiveness from many angles. What does she have to say about the effect of forgiving, or not forgiving, on our lives?
Breaking the silence to talk about the end of life is sometimes hard, but can also be compelling. For those who have had experience with people facing the end of their lives, the conversation is crucial. And if you work with people at the end of life, it is essential. After working as a physician in hospice and palliative care for nearly her whole career, Dawn Gross has made it her mission to open up the conversation, both in her work with patients and in her radio show, Dying to Talk. Her commitment to the conversation is contagious, and what she has to say is authentic and true. But how did she get there? What sent her in the direction of dedicating her life to a shift in the cultural conversation about death? Join us to find out.
When Rachel Stephenson was five years old, her mother died in a car accident and never returned home. While the rest of her family was determined to move on, replace her mom and maintain their silence, Rachel rebelled against their attempts to ignore the monumental vacuum her mother had left. She never lost the compelling desire to speak her grief, though her family never became comfortable with it. Although she went on to accomplish many things in the world seemingly unrelated to her loss, she always knew she'd some day speak about it and make grief a part of her mission in the world. She wanted to share that grief could be a part of living fully. Now is her time to share her message; that when we're silent in grief, it can eat us alive, but when we speak our grief, it can become a part of the rich fabric of a full life.
No one talks about the hidden losses that come along with a cancer diagnosis. For Barbara Musser, a single young woman in 1989 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, suddenly facing struggles with her sexuality was an unexpected and deeply troubling experience. After her successful treatment, she was moved to try to help the couples, individuals and health care providers who were ill equipped to navigate this new territory. The result was a new career as a sex educator, specializing in cancer, and a company and book called Sexy After Cancer. Passionate about offering encouragement and information to women facing breast cancer, sharing her passion for helping women find their passion!
Regi Carpenter has always used story telling to make sense of her world. By the time she faced the loss of her brother suddenly, she was well established in her story craft. And as she moved through her own experience of loss, she began to be asked to share stories with people experiencing losses of their own. Soon, she was telling stories to grieving children, confronting the losses by weaving them into tales that captivated and enthralled them. The stories also helped them confront their difficulty and accept their new lives. Regi now shares story as a way to work with grief.
Aida Salazar lost a baby and quickly found herself pregnant with another. Struggling to find an open heart in the midst of fear, she did what artists, and many other grievers, do; she accessed her creative expression as a way to make sense of her experience. Over time, her writings began to become a memoir of her experience. In the Womb of Love is a love letter to both babies, a deep expression of the love and struggle she went through after her loss- and continuing forward as she found her way, parenting two living children. In beautiful language, she evokes the experience of loss and what she made of it, allowing us to share in that most profound moment in her life.
How would we cope if our brand new baby could not live beyond a few hours? Most of us cannot imagine that experience but, for others, it is a reality. Beyond a crushing grief and sense that this should not have happened, there is the unfolding of days, learning to live with what seems unbearable. And then, perhaps, something begins to unfold that changes our lives. The impact of a life, no matter how short, cannot be underestimated. Lucinda Weatherby puts it this way in the subtitle of her book, Five Hours: How My Son's Brief Life Changed Everything. Join us to explore how this came about and what her life turned toward after this most terrible loss.
The obstacles to exercising our own choices at the end of our lives sometimes seem impossible to overcome. We are part of a culture that refuses to accept death, a medical system that reflects that culture and a lack of capable help in navigating an unfamiliar territory. When we add geographic impediments, once travel becomes difficult, a rural death can be particularly isolating. Micheal Fratkin, a doctor working in hospice and palliative care, felt compelled to do something about it. ResolutionCare, the organization he founded, integrates video conferencing and other innovative outlets to provide better care and more contact. He and his colleagues are able to act as an ongoing resource for their patients and families, available to guide and educate as the end of life approaches. This helps not only the patients but the entire system of family and friends around the patient. Could this innovative approach have implications for all end of life environments?
Some losses are losses of things we never had; a safe childhood where we were protected and treasured. Attention to our needs and protection from what hurts. For a person abused as a child, the grief is for what never was and for the impact of that on our lives as adults. But there is the inspiration that comes when we love ourselves through these most terrible losses and find that life can be beautiful, enriching and fulfilled. Susan Jacobi has made it her life's work to encourage people who suffered abuse and trauma as children to find their best lives and move forward into them.
How do our losses help us uncover our true purpose? This is the question at the heart of Sonika Marcia Ozdoba's memoir, The Soul with Two Voices. Losing what she thought was most valuable to her, her professional singing voice, she found an even deeper aspect of herself, her true voice. But the road towards our most authentic self is sometimes laced with peril. What can help us to continue our walk towards our best life? Sonika learned through hard experience how to face up to the past, and what she had concluded about life as a result of the past. Join us to talk about the many stops along the way and how she ultimately found a life of purpose, true to herself and her gifts.
Tara Shuman had the kind of life you could wish for; rewarding work, a husband and two little kids. She had started a few books, a children's book, a novel, but hadn't ever finished. The cancer came, unwelcome of course, into her life. And she found herself writing to pull herself through it. She shared what she was writing and found it had meaning to other people, that she could help people to understand their own experiences and those of their loved ones. What was at first just a means of self-expression became a blog, which became a book, which became a mission. Changed by all she went through and by the ways she found to express her experience, she became an impassioned advocate for other people going through cancer. Her personal experience was something she could use to help others!
How do we move through multiple losses in a short period of time? What helps along the way? When Deborah Allen lost 5 of the most significant people in her life in just a few years, her considerable resiliency was put to the test! Her usual strategies didn't work, and she was submerged in an ocean of pain. Another family member, also coping with the same losses, excused herself every night to watch NCIS. As strange as that seemed to her, Deborah tried it herself and found in watching every episode of every NCIS series a container for all of her complicated and varied feelings. And over time, she began to emerge from the worst time in her life, one episode at a time. What was helpful about it? And can her experience help all of us to follow the illogical and surprising road of grief exactly where it leads us? If we can, we have a way through to a new way of engaging in our lives.
Stephanie Johnson was always a part of theater- behind the scenes. She was comfortable supporting other people's production with her talents as a lighting director. But the arrival of cancer on the stage of her life moved her in a whole new direction. As she began to write down what she was experiencing, she realized these moments were a play in real time, and she was the author. As she faced diagnosis, uncertainty, treatment and inevitable questions and changes all of that brought about, she embraced her front stage persona, and after treatment was done, offering the play, Twenty One Days: Cancer, Yoga and Me to appreciative audiences throughout the San Francisco Bay Area. Embracing this new aspect of her life, she is now at work on a second play. A graphic example of what we can make of the difficulties of life, she will talk about her experience and how it led in unexpected directions!
Being an advocate for a loved one at the end of their lives is so much more than reading their advance directive documents. The decisions are complex, nuanced and unpredictable. There is no way to predict what will be asked of us and no way to insure that we will be clear what decisions to make. Bart Windrum learned this first hand when his own parents came to the end of their lives, both in the hospital, and what the medical community had to offer appeared to make things worse. Only looking back did he realize that their deaths could have been eased if he had known they were in their dying time and he'd been able to say no to some of the options presented to him. These experiences created in him a passion to define the issues and serve as a fierce advocate for others facing similar decisions. Exploring ways to recognize when it's time to stop prolonging life and start letting it go has become his life's work.
It is only experience that seems to teach us how to heal from heartbreak. Caron Post and Deborah Pardes' experiences led to their deep commitment to help others through their heartbreaks. It also led to the creation of their book, Climbing Out From Under. They kept it short and focused on helping their readers address overwhelm, build their capacity for facing hard feelings, and make peace with loss. Although most of us only begin to consider how to accept our feelings after a profound loss, their simple lessons can also be applied to the smaller, everyday losses we all experience. Knowing how to face what's difficult frees us to live more fully!
Our life losses can seem overwhelming when it appears the rest of the world is celebrating. But in fact, we are in good company! Holidays are natural times to remember people we've lost and to honor them. But how do we step back from the high intensity, busy shopping and party season to make space for our grief? How can the people in our lives who have died bring deeper meaning and resonance to our holidays? Instead of feeling like we're out of step, can we allow the season to be a time for honoring, remembering and making connection with the people we've lost? Winter is a natural time of reflection and remembrance. Join us to explore how to integrate losses into the season.
Planning for the end of life is something most of us delay and resist. But when we put a plan in order, it is empowering, allowing us to feel a measure of control over this most mysterious time in our lives. But how can we learn what we need? Resources can be scarce and our friends and family may not know where to begin either. Having a well informed and complete guide to facing our ends smooths the process, not only for us but for those who may need to make decisions for us! Joy Loverde is an impassioned spokesperson for every person who is trying to learn what they want and need, especially as they age and must learn to rely on others as a resource. Join us to learn what drew her to this work and how she learned to handle these sometimes complex and daunting questions.
How does the spouse of a woman with breast cancer cope? Can he find the support he needs and forget about toughing it out? Will people realize that he has also lost his security, his foundation and the person who helps him? Will they know he too needs caring, loving support. Even if treatment is successful and the cancer does not return to an active state, life is never quite the same. How does a couple evolve when they face a diagnosis, period of treatment, and then uncertainty? After finding help for himself, Woody Weingarten felt compelled to offer the same help to others. He now runs groups for men whose partners have been diagnosed with breast cancer and his book, Rollercoaster, describes the terrain he and his wife travelled and how they found their way forward to an even better relationship and life.
What does a poet do when she suffers the loss of her father? She writes. Exploring the depths of her relationship with her dad, Naomi Shihab Nye writes with the beauty of love, loss and continuing relationship. Her father wanted them to write a book together, and though this didn't quite happen before his death, he jumps off of every page. His particular viewpoint as an immigrant informs her outlook too and so we are offered a rare poetic view of our culture and the danger of imposing our politics on other peoples. Personal and political, Transfer is most deeply a love poem to the father who raised her, schooled her and loved her. She gives us inspiration towards our own expression of the losses in our lives, making something exquisitely beautiful out of pain and loss. In this hour, we will talk about the loss and what it was like to write about her father after his death.
Karen Wyatt worked with hospice patients. In the end, they taught her the lessons of dying, but also the lessons of living. Applying those lessons to her own life, she became a fierce advocate for the spiritual importance of facing death so that we can truly live life! Through her book, What Really Matters: 7 Lessons for Living from the Stories of the Dying, and her widely respected End of Life University, Karen Wyatt teaches us how to infuse our lives with meaning and purpose now, and all the way to our deaths.
In today's world, what have we lost of myth and meaning? Maya and Barry Spector dedicate themselves to exploring the mythic and indigenous practices that once supported us as human being in a community of support and caring. Their writing, poetic offerings and rituals support those they work with to find ways to get back to these ancient traditions and claim our place in the human community. Their unique gifts contribute to a powerful collaboration- each bringing their own poetic expression to their shared mission. In a hard won true marriage of souls, they have learned to honor each other as individuals while contributing to a mutual vision of teaching, sharing and learning. We explore how they found their way back to each other after a separation and how they bring those lessons to their work with grief and ritual.
Grief touches us at the outer reaches of our experience, challenging us to respond to new and unfamiliar terrain in our own souls. Finding rituals and pathways to carry us through the mysterious territory of loss encourages new ways to look at life and at ourselves. When we encounter a seasoned guide to walk with us through the unfamiliar terrain, grief can become a journey full of meaning. Francis Weller is such a guide, gently encouraging us towards new territory and integrating many Western and Indigenous traditions to help along the way. What supports us as grievers? What matters to us? What are the many ways to walk this road? And what is awaiting us when we have made room for this deepest of human experiences? These questions are the work of a lifetime. Join us to explore, to discover and to ask what we can do to love ourselves through loss.
Throughout the world, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Intersex people continue to experience oppression, including physical attack, psychological torture and rejection by family, friends and communities. In his travels as a journalist, Robin Hammond began to meet people whose very identities are still illegal in their own countries. He set out to interview and photograph them, telling their stories through beautiful images and quotes, in their own words. His project became a passion, and part of his work as a social activist. Personal stories of losses associated with lack of acceptance and understanding change hearts and minds. Robin will share what he has learned and the work he is doing to change the global landscape for LGBTQI people.
The musical group Mirabai Ceiba formed after its two members met and fell in love. Their music blends many traditions and sacred songs into a meditative and beautiful form of meditative and inspiring music. Then, when loss came into their lives, they discovered that the music had to go deeper to incorporate the human experience of grief. Their new recording, Sevati (which means both silence and white rose in Sanskrit) celebrates life in the experience of death. This sacred tapestry supports those who listen to weave death into their experience of living. This encourages both the listener and the musicians to truly embrace all of life. Mirabai Ceiba's two members, Markus Sieber and Angelika Baumbach, share their music and the story of how they came to create recordings focused on how to truly live with death.
Lynda Fell's life was full and happy, with family at the center of it all. Then she got the call no one can imagine getting, your daughter has been in an accident. On the way, she was not expecting what she found when she got to the accident site. Her beautiful, talented and amazing 15 year old, Aly, had died. This most terrible of losses propelled her into deep grief and also into dedicating her life to helping others in the same circumstance. And when her husband suffered a stroke not long afterwards, both her grief and her commitment to service found a new dimension. Through speaking, writing and projects supporting mourning people, Lynda's passion is to support others through their own immersion in their grief. Hear how Lynda found her way through and what she has to share about service as a way of healing.
Rudi and Julie fell in love across a great divide. Rudi was born and raised in Germany right after World War II, his father having been a high-ranking Nazi. Julie was a Jew from the Bronx whose father had helped in Germany after the war, managing refugees for the American government. Meeting in Berkeley, against all odds, they fell in love across distances which would have seemed too vast to cross. Their 26 year relationship would take them to Germany, to uncover the roles Rudi's family played in the war, both his father and an uncle who, they discovered, died at the hands of the Nazis for resisting, in his own way, during the war. The novel Julie and Rudi wrote together, Stumbling Stones, tells their story and also a story of crossing the lines of difference to find each other.
Join me as we talk about how the worst time in Amikaeyla’s life led to Music As Medicine, programming she developed which successfully helps people in the United States and around the world (including recently in Israel, Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, Palestine, Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, and Sierra Leone) unlock their deepest inner voice. What links her work on national and international t.v., on recordings with many award winning artists, singing for His Holiness the Dalai Lama in India and working with divergent groups, from corporations to the Broadway stage? Amikaeyla says that although seemingly disparate, all the people she has worked with can find their creative voice, using the system that she will share with us, to transform their emotional and expressive subjugation into celebration!
The loss of a child is beyond our comprehension and throws parents into an eddy, swirling around trying to find a way to shore. But when 18 month old Sophie died, there was the added pain of traumatic loss. Sophie was killed when she was trapped under a hydraulic massage table, in the same room with her mother and brother. What led these grieving parents to agree to be the subjects for Kath McIntyre's film, Remembering Sophie? In part, they did it in honor of Sophie's memory. And in part, they did it to try to save other parents from the same horror. In the process, they created a story of love, continuing connection, and how a family goes on after terrible loss. What kept them together formed a foundation from which to rebuild. Their story encourages us all to keep those we've lost close, and to go forward in our lives, making the most of our lives and our relationships.
When you lose a child, what makes the difference between collapse and reintegration into your life? Often it is a loving person who has been there and supports the process of recovery while recognizing the feelings of loss. When the Richardson's daughter died, they were cast into the world of crushing loss, but came through it determined to help others traveling the road they had been on. So Melinda Richardson got certified as a grief coach and a mediator and began offering hope and help to others who were experiencing profound loss. Without bypassing the feelings of deep mourning, their organization, Emerging Beyond, offers a helping hand born out of a knowing heart.
As human beings, we wonder what awaits us after this life is over. When death has come to those near us, the question often becomes compelling! In her quest to understand the many ways people think about what comes next, Claire Bidwell Smith investigated and wrote about various beliefs and practices about the time after death. How do each of us imagine or believe it to be? How does this connect or disconnect us from those we love after their deaths? What can we gain by asking these questions and investigating our ideas about death for ourselves? Coming after Claire's first book, Rules of Inheritance, about the deaths of her parents when she was 18 and 24, After This: When Life is Over Where Do We Go? continues her deep reflection on the meanings we give to life, to grief and to death.
How do we continue to weave the stories of the people we love into our lives after they die. What threads keep us connected to them, as they continue to impact our lives and inform our hearts? Lorraine Hedtke teaches people how to keep these stories present and how to mourn, yet continue to feel our relationships with those we have lost. Through teaching, writing and speaking, she helps others to re-remember, to value the experiences we've had in relationships and to create a pathway for the love we feel for a lifetime.
Nicki Durlester's family faced staggering losses as a result of the BRCAII gene, which made its members vulnerable to diagnoses of breast and ovarian cancer. Then Nicki herself was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer. Her memoir, Beyond the Pink Moon, shares her family's experience and her own road to health and a new calling in her life; to advocate for other women facing the possibility or reality of breast and ovarian cancer. Her advocacy has resulted in a large international Facebook group for women facing breast and ovarian cancer diagnoses, a second book of writing by those women, and work as an educator, helping health care professionals and others understand their patients. By sharing her experience, Nicki has impacted the world of breast and ovarian cancer and created a supportive community for anyone who faces what she did.
Because grief cannot be predicted, it calls on us to ad lib, to feel our ways through an unfamiliar landscape and to find ways to express our experience that nourish and support us. By its nature creative, grief also opens up energy that may result in writing, art, music and many other personal expressions of profound human experience. Discovering this deep creative potential during each of their own loss experience, Cath Duncan and Kara Jones now train other mental health providers to activate the creative response of their clients to their experiences of loss. Through the creative process, grief becomes an opening and growing process, and not just a painful and grueling time. Hear how Cath and Kara support that growth, supporters grievers and their counselors to trust their own road.
How much time have we each spent trying to fix our lives, and ourselves? Having been taught that unpleasant emotion in the enemy, we are ill prepared to gently guide ourselves through troubled times. But what if we learned simply to allow the moment to unfold, putting down our weapons and making friends with our experiences? Mary O'Malley found a more rich and fulfilling life when she learned to simply be with her experiences. All the destructive habits she had developed to avoid what she didn't prefer began to drop away, and she found her calling; to teach and guide others to a greater acceptance of their lives as is.
Faced with the ultimate challenge of life—confronting death—how do we want to be remembered? Are there stories we want to tell? Experiences we want to share? Illuminations about how we've felt about life and why? Maybe we want to pass on family stories to the next generations. Perhaps we seek meaning and purpose and don’t know how to access them. It’s likely that we seek comfort and strength. We may even struggle to resolve long standing issues and heal our relationships, or reaching for a deeper spiritual connection. Claire Willis had supported people at the end of their lives to find a way to their own stories for many many years and felt moved to create a way to guide a larger number of people to express their legacy. Her book (with Marnie Crawford Samuelson), Lasting Words: A Guide to Finding Meaning Toward the Close of Life, is the wonderful result.
A childhood filled with trauma and abuse impacts a person for a lifetime. But making sense of those experiences, moving towards wholeness, allows the adult survivor to create a meaningful, satisfying and relational adulthood. But how does this come about? Dave Pelzer, whose first book, A Child Called It, eloquently exposed his story of unimaginable physical and emotional abuse, has now written Too Close to Me. This latest book deeply explores how those early experiences affect his marriage, his parenting, his work; indeed, every aspect of his adult life. Talking honestly about his current life offers encouragement and perspective to us all. Yes, we can heal and find meaningful lives full of love. And yes, there is hard work, honesty and attention required to get there!
Kevin and Brian were in love and successful in their careers when they decided it was time for parenting. After a long search for a child, they were offered three; triplets who were at risk and without anyone to care for them. As a result of their excellent parenting and the help of a large community and family, they brought their children through their early challenges into health and well being. Wrapped in the love of two parents, numerous dogs, aunties, uncles and grandparents, the kids defied early expectations. The future looked bright. But just a year after Kevin and Brian formed this brand new family, homophobia conspired to take the triplets from the only parents they'd ever known. Kevin Fisher-Paulson's recounting of their experience, A Song for Lost Angels, gives us a poignant view of what happens to gay families without the protections they need to flourish. Kevin also demonstrates the courage and resilience it takes to walk through the worst and look for what lies beyond.
For many parents, the fear of losing a child is more vivd than losing their own lives. We can't imagine surviving it. And yet, parents do lose their children, to illness or accident, and are left to find a way back to their lives. Eleanor Vincent's 19 year old, Maya, died in an accident just as her life was unfolding, leaving Eleanor unsure if she wanted to go on at all. How did she find her way back to a life of meaning and beauty, bringing healing not only to the loss, but to other painful aspects of her life as well? In her honest and raw book, she shares her own road to a life without her daughter. Playing a part in the return to living was her decision, made from the depth of her, to donate Maya's organs. How did that help her, and also challenge her? As we talk about the loss and what came from her grief, we also gain a new perspective on what organ donation can mean, both to the recipient and also to the family that gives them the gift of life.
Does our exploration of race, sexuality and gender hold a possibility of helping us to awaken? Zenju Manuel believes it does. Through a lifetime of deep questioning and knowing, culminating in her ordination as a zen priest, she has used meditation, indigenous ritual and intuition as paths to liberation. Deeply exploring the losses and deep injury of our experiences, there is also the promise of deepening our lives and discovering our possibilities. Examining how our experiences affect us enlivens us and brings a special beauty our days. By sharing her own story, Rev. Manuel will leave you with hope and inspiration.
The end of a parent's life is often a steep reversal of roles for both parent and adult child. If the illness is fast moving, there's an avalanche of things to learn about how to care for a now dependent person who, if you are lucky, used to take care of you. How does a child thrust into a new role learn all that is needed to care for a declining parent? When Cheryl Derricotte's mother received a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, she set about to inform herself, driven by an overriding desire to care for her mother well. And in her grief, she turned that knowledge into a book, Being the Grown-Up, Taking Care of Someone with a Terminal Illness, to give others a head start on the road of caregiving. Her compact book, full of tips about how to care, is practical yet full of personal accounts of her own story with her mother. Offering information and solace, it is a truly handy guide to this unexpected and painful world
What do we mean when we say we've had a run of bad luck? We mean that we have experienced loss after loss, until we're not even sure which heartache is sending us into the depths of despair. Like quicksand, it seems as if we'll never get out. Annah Elizabeth went through such a time, with numerous fertility losses, her husband's affair while she was still vulnerable and the loss of the ground she had always stood on. How did she come through all that to live a joyous life? Join us to discover what she found when she dove into the midst of her own time of greatest mourning and what she leans on now to live a hope-filled, beautiful life, regardless of circumstance.
Isabel and Anabel Stenzel, identical twins diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis as babies, faced a lifetime of ill health and the probability that they would die very young. They also faced numerous losses of friends who had the same disease. Very young, they began keeping a record of their hospital experiences, drawing pictures and writing what happened along the way. Ultimately as adults, they collaborated on a book, The Power of Two, and were featured in a documentary of the same name. As a result of lung transplants, their life expectancy improved. Then Anabel received another crushing diagnosis; cancer. Ultimately she died, not of the disease that had plagued her life, but of the cancer. How did that loss affect her twin? How does Isabel continue to exhibit the power of two, but as one? This deep loss, which she says is like no other, has deepened her perspective on loss, grief and the art of letting go.
One of the most important things for us when we're ill, especially when we are dying, is the compassion and empathy of our doctors. But how do physicians retain these human qualities with each patient when they are bombarded with mulitple losses and the weight of such influence over life and death? How do they avoid becoming jaded and cold, or falling into a perpetual state of numbness or paralysing emotion? Jordan Grumet does it by writing about his experiences as a doctor and as a person in his popular blog, In My Humble Opinion. He illuminates the experience of this most unusual profession and, for him, calling. He is honest about the losses that contributed to that calling, including the death of his own father at a very early age. Yes, doctors need to bring empathy to their patients, but Jordan will inspire you to have some empathy for your doctors!
As a hospice social worker and as someone whose husband died of cancer, Marcy Bernstein has learned a lot about the end of life and what kind of support people need to support a good death. It is her calling to offer advice, support and wisdom to people facing what she has faced and what she has helped many many clients to face. She has created an advice column and website that offer anyone a place to ask questions and get answers. Following her own inner voice and addressing the needs she encounters around her, her life now points more and more in the direction of helping people answer end of life questions in their own unique ways. Marcy is able to support people facing the end of life and, equally important, the people who love them. Join us as we talk about what she's learned and how she brings that information to others.
Katy Butler was dedicated to supporting her parents at the end of their lives and acting as their part time caregiver and full time medical advocate. But the experience taught her just how hard it is to craft a good death in the highly medicalized environments in which most of us die. Discovering how hard it is to keep control over our choices at the end of our lives, she wrote a beautiful book honoring her parents and making a case for a better way of dying. In sharing their stories, we are given a window into what stands in the way of our wishes being honored in this most precious time in our lives. She now speaks and works for changes in end of life care, convinced that we can, and should, do better.
Out of the African-American experience in this country, spiritual and gospel music was born; moving and beautiful music celebrating spirit, faith and the capacity of human beings to overcome adversity. The Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir, singing spiritual and gospel music for almost 30 years, uses this music to help people pray, celebrate, be touched and to heal. The choir also sends a message of hope that people from diverse backgrounds, cultures, races, sexual orientations, religions and ideas can create something beautiful together. The choir owes the power of it's song to director Terrance Kelly, bringing together his gospel, jazz and opera talents and expertise to write, arrange and orchestrate the incredible sound that has touched hearts and been a balm to spirits worldwide. How can music that comes from such pain lead to such beauty and joy? What does Terrance have to share from 30 years leading such a wide array of people into one voice? What has kept this choir strong?
How can taking care of a sick loved one teach us about taking care of ourselves? The stakes are high, and we can't afford to push ourselves beyond our own edges. If we do, we may not be able to help the person we love at all! Susanne West knows this territory, from years of caregiving and years of working with caregivers trying to find their balance in impossible circumstance. What helps to keep us balanced? How do we say no at the risk of our loved ones not having the help they need? How do we leave them in charge of their own lives and needs? How do we allow ourselves to accept help and nourishment from the people in our lives, defying the cultural norm demanding that we tough it out? Join us to find out
At the end of life, we want to feel at home, even if we can't BE at home. After a career in nursing, working with very ill patients, Kelley Scott saw the need for a home place for dying people and set about to fill that need. The social model on which her hospice is based prioritizes comfort, love and care in a home-like environment, helping those who live there to end their lives in the best way possible. Kelley has made it her mission not only to run Clarehouse, the hospice home she started, but to consult with other people across North America who share her passion for filling the tremendous unmet need for home-like hospice programs. Hear what led her to this work and how she was able to support the creation of the home. Find out what feeds her passion and keeps her committed to this most important work.
Helping a parent face the end of their lives can be a sacred part of living. When the relationship has been special and close, we are giving back to a person has given us life and, sometimes, a great deal more. And when that parent faces their death in a way that inspires and transforms us, we are truly blessed. Julie Saeger Nierenberg wanted to be there for her father. They had always been close and seeing him face metastatic cancer inspired her to a sense of presence deeper than what she had known before. In the end, in sharing his death and the life he lived up to that moment, her father taught her how to live and changed the direction of her own life, leaving her with a profound interest in how people face the end. Her book, Daddy This is It. Being-with My Dying Dad (and all her work since) have been the result.
When playwright and actor Ann Randolph faced difficulties and losses, she applied her art to them and created comedy. Being able to laugh at what we cry about is a soothing balm for our difficulties and griefs. Creating characters that touch everyone who meets them with their humanity and depth while bringing laughter is Ann's true gift. How do we take a humorous view of our life stories while taking them seriously? Ann has taught countless people across the U.S. and the world how to do just that. She inspires us to dive into our own losses because she is willing to dive into hers and come up laughing. Join us for a deep and funny hour.
Kiley Krekorian Hanish and Ivy Margulies dreamed of supporting women who have lost babies, to grieve the loss and share the experience with other women. Kiley and her husband were the subject of the film Return to Zero with Minnie Driver. Ivy was (and is) a therapist and Death Midwife working with women who had lost babies. Their dream bloomed as the Return to Zero workshops, the most recent one held in Australia. They are returning to Good Grief to share the experience with our listeners and let us know what they plan next! Members of this new Good Grief community, we welcome their stories and their thoughts about this important work!
How do we face the end of a mother's life? This is usually a difficult and painful prospect. But what if your mother wants to end her life by her own volition. How can one accept that? After years of struggling with Parkinson's disease, Zoe Carter's mother was preparing to die and wanted to make her own decisions about how and when that would happen. She was also determined that her children show up for all of it, including requests to fly across the country and meet with the Hemlock Society. The story of how Zoe's family faced the end of her mother's life evolved into an acclaimed memoir. In the end, how did she accept her mother's choices? What did she learn along the way? And what can we all learn about the decisions our lives may face US with?
Sometimes it's time to let go of a dream. How do you know when to keep trying and when to grieve and create new dreams? And how do you let go of that dream that has compelled you for such a long time? What helps you to find what awaits you beyond the life you thought you were destined for. Tracey Cleantis learned how to let go of old dreams, grieve them, and move towards new dreams through her own experience. Now she is a voice for change when what you've been seeking does not come to you. Her practical and honest voice brings humor and acceptance of just how hard it is to let go! Sometimes your best life comes from a direction you didn't, and couldn't imagine. Be encouraged that new dreams are possible.
How does a mother of a two year old, just beginning her marriage and her life as a mother, face the sudden loss of her 32 year old husband? Rachel Kodanaz had to discover how to do that when her husband died leaving his office. Sometimes the worst times of our lives lead to our greatest callings and for Rachel, that was a mission to educate workplaces about how to deal with loss. Ultimately, she became a speaker on loss, embracing her own nightmare and, in the process, learning to support others. Her book, Living With Loss One Day at a Time, offers readers a chance to approach their grief in small bites, supported by Rachel's willingness to share her own loss for the good of others.
We welcome back Melanie DeMore, consummate musician and death bed midwife. She lost her father and I lost my mother within a few weeks of each other in Fall, 2014, both from pancreatic cancer. Join us for an intimate conversation laced with music about their lives, their deaths and our grief.
If we live long enough, we will all face this moment; letting go of parents. What the relationship was like, how the death unfolded and what we witnessed in them as they faced the final chapter has so much influence on our own shaping of death. Just a few months into our lives as adult orphans, what have we already noticed about this new landscape? As two people who have worked with dying and death for a long time, what does this latest grief feel like?
Perhaps the greatest thing this work teaches is that grief must be experienced, it cannot be avoided. Join us this hour as we explore our own losses together.
When Marie Mutsuki lost her American father and Japanese grandparents, she feared she would never find her happiness again. Motivated by a deep desire to have some joy to share with her young son, she travelled to Japan, the land her mother came from, to find answers. Unable to fulfill her mission to bury her grandfather's ashes because of the radiation from the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear reactor, she discovered that many of the people she met had a very different relationship to loss and to grief than she knew. Through her open, deep exploration of the beliefs surrounding her in Japan, her own perspective on the importance and beauty of grief grew. Now accepting the need and naturalness of her response to loss, she found the answers she was seeking!
Katrina Cavanough knew all her life that she saw beyond what others saw. But it took working as a social worker in a hospital to realize that she had the capacity to reach beyond our everyday world and speak with those that had left the earthly plane. Suspicious of what she was experiencing, she looked for verification that these ghosts, as her father had long ago called them, were communicating precious information about how to live her best life. Although she didn't tell her clients what she was seeing, it began to inform her work, giving her a deep way to connect with people who were losing their dearest loves. It gave her confidence that everything was o.k., even when it didn't seem so. Then, it led her to her greatest life's purpose. What did she learn and how did the presence of the dead help her to learn it? Whether you believe in her abilities or not, you will be moved by the impact her experiences had on the life she lives, and the help she offers!
What do we mean when we say we've had a run of bad luck? We mean that we have experienced loss after loss, until we're not even sure which heartache is sending us into the depths of despair. Like quicksand, it seems as if we'll never get out. Annah Elizabeth went through such a time, with numerous fertility losses, her husband's affair while she was still vulnerable and the loss of the ground she had always stood on. How did she come through all that to live a joyous life? Join us to discover what she found when she dove into the midst of her own time of greatest mourning and what she leans on now to live a hope-filled, beautiful life, regardless of circumstance.
Through the loss of two of the most important people in her life, Marilyn Ababio became deeply interested in supporting others to make the most out of their lives, and their deaths. Compelled to make her work accessible to people who might not otherwise get the support they need for the end of their lives, she began a program for her local county government called Getting the Most out of Life. How did Marilyn actualize her dream of bringing her mighty skills to bear in underserved populations? What supported that mission and helped her along the way? How do her experiences of loss find their way into the work she does now? Join us to explore the spiritual potential of loss and how that can fuel our work, and our lives.
A few women with cancer felt isolated, unsupported and scared. They were also community activists. Out of their own need, they created a Center dedicated to women with cancer, planting the seeds for a community serving thousands of women at their most difficult times. In the process, they created a lively and engaging set of services for women (and their families) LIVING with cancer. Learn how the WCRC grew with the times, promoting diversity, knowledge and loving support and earning a reputation as one of the preeminant hubs for cancer awareness in the west coast.
Do we continue to transform with each new loss? Tom Zuba thinks so, and wants to share the profound lessons he learned grieving the loss, first of his 18 month old daughter, then years later his wife, and years after that one of his remaining two children. What was at first an unlit and terrifying landscape through which he had no idea how to travel, slowly illuminated, showing him the way through his grief, noticing everything along the path. Dedicating his life to helping other people navigate their losses, the pain of his grief gave way to the beauty of his new life. Teaching through sharing his experience, Tom embodies the service which comes, sometimes, out of our deepest and most difficult times.
Katherine Ingram opened the door to find the experience many of us dread on the other side; a police officer on telling her that her loved one would not be coming home. In her grief over her husband, killed in a plane crash, she was opened to the grief for her father who died when she was eight. Already trained in psychology and journeys of the soul, she learned to appreciate not only the happy beautiful moments but the painful and searching moments that lead to our deepest growth. After the loss and double grief, Katherine became a deeper resource for others learning to explore their soul path, especially in the midst of painful life experiences. Join us to travel with Katherine on this lifelong exploration.
When a lifelong practitioner of Buddhism, philosophy and healing loses her husband, how does she grieve? Elaine Mansfield observed her own experience, capturing her grief in a beautiful book and ultimately answering the call to support others through their losses as her life's calling. Unafraid to explore each aspect of her experience, the things she noticed about her grief became a book, Leaning into Love, in which she shares her own deep sorrow for the good of others. By the time she faced this most profound death, she knew well how to allow her experience, how to invite it. But this loss pushed her to a new cliff of suffering and, ultimately, a new life. Hear how she led herself to her new understandings and how loss itself became her cornerstone.
Rabbi Melvin Glazer dedicates his life to helping people face loss because he has faced loss. Drawn to a life of service, he became a rabbi and then an expert in death and bereavement. What does he have to share about weaving Biblical stories into our dealings with death? Can he help us to see how to bring some faith into our grief? Whether we are Jewish, of some other faith, or of no faith at all, losing loved ones inspires some of the deepest spiritual questions we will ever face in our lives. What meaning do we find in our losses? Both a rabbi and a grief counselor, Rabbi Glazer intersects his life as a man leading his Jewish community with his life as a mourner and supporter of other mourners. From this unique position, he has a great deal to teach us about facing loss.
Betsy Rose has long used her music to express her deepest experiences, and has sung for others in order to open their hearts. So it was only natural that the loss of her father inspired her to create and compile songs she wrote for comfort in her own losses. A prolific recording artist and performer, her latest recording, Long for This World soothes and comforts in hard times of loss. Betsy now adds death and grief work to all her other accomplishments, which include singing at conferences and lending her voice to peace and social justice movements, and singing for leaders such as Thich Nhat Hanh, Matthew Fox, and Joanna Macy. brbr How has loss impacted Betsy's work, both early in her life and up until now? What thread of compassion developed out of exploring her own mourning? Join us for conversation and music as we near the heart of winter, that time of darkness before new life.
The world of elder care and assisted living can be exhausting and demoralizing. How does a daughter insure that the needs of her declining parents are met? How does she accept the deficits in a system of health care that sometimes does not care? Marcy Baskin learned first hand how ill prepared we are to advocate for our elders, especially when they are suffering from Alzheimers. She set out to learn all she could and, in the process, found a new calling. Trained in elder care, she wrote the book Assisted Living: Questions I Wish I Had Asked and now advocates for others experiencing what she did with her own parents.
What inspires a person to offer song to people at the end of their lives? Kate Munger, as a lover of choral music, felt a profound calling to offer people who were dying, incarcerated, newborn or in comas to receive the precious gift of music. She formed groups to offer song free to those who could benefit from it. What does she have to share having been with so many people at the threshold between the every day and something beyond? We'll talk about music, listen to some of songs Kate offers, and explore together what music touches when we stand at the threshold between this life and the beyond.
Caught off guard by the depth of his grief after the loss of his mother, Tom Sweetman searched for words of hope and encouragement, finding along with those two things encouragement to become his best self. Realizing he wanted others to have access to the people who encouraged him, part of his calling now includes getting the word out that grief can lead to beauty. Hear what inspired him and became the book From Grief to Greatness!
For Mary Potter Kenyon, her husband's cancer treatment resulted in some very positive changes in her marriage. She and her husband loved better, deeper and with a greater appreciation for each other after going through that most terrible of times. Then, five and a half years later, he died suddenly, of a heart attack, and Mary began a brand new journey of discovery, but without the person who had most supported and helped her through life. How did this loss, and the loss of her beloved mother and grandson, change Mary? Was she able to find a new way to live after such difficult times. What did she learn; about herself, about grief and ultimately about life? Her story will move you, touch you and inspire you.
Edie Hartshorne was a therapist, meditation practitioner and musician, comfortable with facilitating change and working for peace. But nothing could have prepared her for the loss of her 20 year old son and the possibility that he had killed himself. In Light in Blue Shadows, a deeply felt memoir, Edie takes us into her grief and plumbs the depths of her pain and non-acceptance through to making peace with her loss. Join us to talk about the necessity of grief, even for those of us who accept death as a fact of life. Hear how she slowly felt her way back to her joy and fulfillment without forcing herself to go faster than she could.
When a couple gets pregnant or a baby is born, family and friends gather around the them, joyfully supporting the news. But what happens when something goes wrong, when they experience miscarriage or stillbirth? The surrounding community often ignores the loss, or minimizes it. So healing professionals like Dr. Ivy Margulies make a critical difference, supporting grieving parents through the experience and helping them to honor their children and their grief. Find out what a death midwife does and how Dr. Margulies chose this work. Hear what she has to say about how we as a culture deal with perinatal loss and grief. Unresolved grief can carry into relationships with spouses and with other children in the family. Hear how critical services delivered at the opportune moment can ease the burden of loss and support a healthy grieving.
Although losses can't be compared, the loss of a baby is something most of us find hard to imagine. Sean and Kiley Hanish lost their son when he was still born at full term. Ultimately, their experience Impelled them to create Return to Zero, a film about a couple experiencing what they did. Hear what helped them to walk towards their experience of loss, head on, to create a true reflection of their grief, for the benefit of others. Now that Return to Zero has been launched in the world, hear what Kiley is doing to create a place for women facing losses such as hers to find their way, and move forward into lives of beauty.
How does a lifelong spiritual seeker face a serious cancer diagnosis? She commits to learning all she can from the experience. She gathers a team together of medical professionals, friends, healers and supporters who form a solid ground beneath her. She shares her experience for the benefit of others. She deepens her commitment to living in the moment and living life fully. She eliminates everything from her life that does not express what her heart is trying to communicate. She takes chances and tries new things. She observes. She loves herself through it. Be inspired by Bridgett Perry, coach and blogger, who truly lives with cancer!
How does a lifelong spiritual seeker face a serious cancer diagnosis? She commits to learning all she can from the experience. She gathers a team together of medical professionals, friends, healers and supporters who form a solid ground beneath her. She shares her experience for the benefit of others. She deepens her commitment to living in the moment and living life fully. She eliminates everything from her life that does not express what her heart is trying to communicate. She takes chances and tries new things. She observes. She loves herself through it. Be inspired by Bridgett Perry, coach and blogger, who truly lives with cancer!
Has the medical world forgotten how to help people die? New technologies have made it possible to prolong life, even at the cost of that life being one the patient wants to live. As Jessica Nutik Zitter began her medical career, she noticed that she had no preparation for the important decisions patients needed help making at the end of life. As a result, she became deeply interested in what has come to be known as palliative care, which helps patients balance questions of quality and quantity at the ends of their lives. She went on the found Vital Decisions, a phone based service patients can access to help make these critical decisions. Hear how she strikes this balance and what we all need to keep in mind as we someday face our deaths.
Claire Bidwell Smith found out at 14 that both her parents had cancer. She spent the next ten years interweaving a halting journey to maturity with their declines and deaths (her mother when she was 14 and her father when she was 24). The many aspects of her grief led to a memoir, The Rules of Inheritance, which will soon be made into a movie starring Jennifer Lawrence. She is also a grief counselor and former hospice counselor, using her own experiences to inform her work. As she says, she doesn’t find this work sad, as people think it would be, but rather, “the deeper the grief, the more evidence of love I see.” Join us for a conversation about her journey from those losses to her life now.
How did Laura Mayer's find her way to a blissful life? It all began when she was diagnosed with an illness, at age 14, that was considered terminal. This led to many painful years, trying to heal. Believing that a healing in her spirit would support a healing in her body, she embarked on a journey of the soul. Hear how her 40 year exploration of her inner landscape, leading to a profound healing process, led to where she is today. Laura lives her bliss, sure that this supports her continued health. Through grace and gratitude in her body and soul, she has found a way not only to stay alive in the body but also to embrace being fully alive!
After a cancer diagnosis when she was a teenager, Britta Aragon knew intimately what can happen to a person's body when they are undergoing cancer treatment. Perhaps without her even knowing it, this led to a career in skin care. Then when her father was diagnosed and she wanted to help him in every way she could, she began to research the impact of the products we use on our health. Finding only products that had no carcinogens and no negative effect on the skin was nearly impossible. After his death, she felt moved to create clean skin products, speak on how to stay as healthy as possible through treatment, and how to choose safe and effective products. Her book, When Cancer Hits, and her company, CV SkinlabsTM grew out of those precious eight years with her father. Now a recognized expert and speaker, she brings her knowledge, and mission to help people find healthy products, to all she does. Find out what you need to know about pollutants, purity and how to tell the difference.
Have you ever lost a loved one and then imagined what they would say if they could communicate with you?Chelsea Hanson turned her grief into beautiful poems based on just such a thought. From there, she formed a business, producing poetry books to be used for comfort and support at times of loss. Having lost her own parents and feeling a deep grief, she brings a very personal perspective to the messages which have been used by over 700 funeral homes and by many people wanting to offer comfort to their friends in grief. Now a grief educator, Chelsea will share how she came to make a business and a career out of her deepest sadness.
When a life has been filled with abuse, loss and disappointment, it's often hard to come through it with hope and optimism! Lina Jones found her way by exploring the depth of her own spiritual connection and, over time, gaining to wisdom to help others and to write a book about her healing. When Lina left France to come to the United States, it was just one more step in her quest for a fulfilling and wondrous life. Join us as she shares the journey she's taken and the results which have come, including a memoir due to be published in Summer, 2015, From Ashes to the Moon.
Grief is a fully human experience, involving the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of us. Every aspect of our being can either flow through the complexity of grief or get blocked. As a medical intuitive, Lyn Waldrop has developed techniques to open these blocks. These methods have brought her through her own losses as well as helping those she works with. Join us as Lyn shares her experiences as an intuitive healer working with people facing a variety of life challenges, both in their health and their emotional lives. She'll even share a technique she has developed specifically for moving though grief!
One week before her due date, in 1985, Deb Rich gave birth to her daughter Shoshana, who was stillborn. How did she heal from this crushing loss and commit to a life helping others to cope with the grief of losing a child? What has she learned about living with the loss of a child. What can her story tell us about moving forward after losses which seem unrecoverable? We'll talk about her experience and about how it has impacted her life, both professionally and personally. Her story will inspire you!
What would happen if a community began to work towards taking back the responsibility for burying its members? In an industrial town in Australia, residents are working towards just that! They want the chance to honor their grief and their love by owning the process of burial from start to finish by creating a non-profit to deliver funeral services to the community. Lynette Wallworth has created a documentary chronicling the start of this enterprise. Listen to what touched her, what made this project more than just an idea for the people involved, and discover what made everyone involved Tender.
Millions of children in this world grow up neglected, cast aside and abused. How does someone turn such a childhood into a life of meaning, value and mission? Cynthia Luce experienced such a childhood and now advocates for children who don't get what they need from those around them; parents, the foster care system and all of us. Be inspired by her story and by what she does now; working to make us aware of all the kids who need us to know their stories and to help improve their lives.
Life-changing events happen to us unpredictably, at all moments of our lives. David Tucarro, a Mikisew Cree First Nation from Ft. McMurray, Canada, was struggling to find his identity and feeling hopeless, even before leukemia knocked on his door. How did his diagnosis actually contribute to David finding his best life, a life driven by purpose and meaning? In facing his illness, life became more important. The crisis pushed David to begin to create better relationships, to find inspiring work and to transform his relationship to life itself. He now shares that journey to support his passion; encouraging everyone to become a bone marrow donor.
We've all heard about the sandwich generation; parents of young children taking care of aging parents. What if you add Alzheimer's and a PhD in studying the brain? How do the two experiences, watching a brain fail and watching brains grow, collide to create a unique experience in a studied observer of the brain? Sybil Lockhart brings a keen eye and a big heart to her experience supporting her mother and raising her very young children. Don't miss our conversation about loss and gain, love and mourning, growing and failing.
When the person you love most in the world faces a crushing pancreatic cancer diagnosis, how do you cope? How do you face it? How do you take care? Deitrich Stroeh faced the loss of his beloved wife by accepting the heartbreak and caring for her fully in the three months before she died. He then entered the land of heartbreak, sometimes slowly and sometimes with great speed discovering how to go from heartbreak to healing. His book, Three Months: A Caretakers Journey From Heartbreak to Healing, tells his story and offers an inside view of how to carry on and carry through when loss is unavoidable.
How can we practice mindfulness to mend our hearts? Can our own creativity and exploration of our internal landscape offer us solace in times of loss? As an artist, educator, and spiritual practitioner, Jan Phillips has worked with countless people who are facing major loss and transition, to help them find a way through their heartache by bringing grief outward, making room for comfort inward. Jan will share her story and her teachings with us, showing us how mindfulness has helped her and those she works with.
The Bradfords were an active and energetic family of 6 who traveled the world, living in numerous locations and happily adjusting to each new environment. Then, just as they were embarking on a move from France to Germany, something unimaginable happened. Their oldest son Parker, a fine young man just heading off to college, died. It was not at first comforting to know that he died trying to help someone else; that in his death he had shown his character. And their deep faith could not save them from the staggering grief. The family was plunged into an unfamiliar world of agony and alienation. Throughout their long road to come to terms with the loss, Melissa Dalton-Bradford, Parker's mother, read every word she could find to attempt to touch any comfort available. She collected the words that touched her aching heart and wove them into a book about her family and about grief. Join us for a deep look at the loss of a child and what soothes, and doesn't sooth, such a loss.
Sometimes the worst thing you can imagine leads you to your calling. For Nancee Sobonya, that was the death of her father at 17. How did that early loss lead to a lifetime of healing work as a grief counselor, filmmaker and workshop leader? How does the loss of her father continue to impact her beliefs about grief and about life? Join us as we explore how this experience continues to impact her and what unfolded from that early loss.
For sixty years, Rachel Naomi Remen has lived with a diagnosis, Crohn's disease, that was considered universally terminal when she was first diagnosed. How did that affect her life? She became a physician who worked with terminal illness, a New York Times bestselling author and a fierce advocate for compassionate medicine. She founded the Institute for the Study of Health and Illness (ISHI) at Commonweal and is also co-founder of the Commonweal Cancer Help Program. She worked with thousands of patients and trained many doctors in healing care. Join us as we talk about her own story and the stories of those she has worked with over many decades. We are all sure to be inspired.
What does rock climbing have to do with helping underserved, traumatized kids find their motivation and healing? Dr. Clifton Hicks learned early, through his own experiences, that the physical challenges of the outdoors, especially rock climbing, offered opportunities to learn how to face other challenges and find your way up whatever adversity hill might befall you. He developed a therapeutic program based on rock climbing, taking therapy out of the office and into the environment. While doing something new and exciting, the kids learn valuable life lessons and face the traumas in their lives. Join us as we talk about Dr. Hicks' method and what he thinks about recovering from traumatic experience.
What helps us to find our way back to optimism and gratitude after a terrible experience? For Anne Kubitsky, it was inviting strangers to share what they were grateful for. First, she sent out some postcards addressed to herself with “What are you grateful for?” printed on the back. Evolving into a project which installs art projects encouraging gratitude, she’ll share with us what finding gratitude has created in her life.
If you were diagnosed with breast cancer, could you keep your sense of amusement? For Joules Evans, it was a must. As a writer and an acitvist, she couples a fierce fighting spirit with a wry sense of humor. Thinking globally and acting locally, Joules will inspire and amuse you as she talks about her own cancer experience and the writing and work it led to. As she puts it, “I’ve had a lot of opportunities to be an advocate for breast health awareness and for others fighting the bitch that is breast cancer. God willing, cancer is done with me; but I’m not done with it. Not until we find a cure. And not just for breast cancer.”
When Kelly Carlisle left the military, life became more difficult. She was suddenly unsure where she belonged and what would give her new life meaning. She was not always appreciated for the service she had given. Starting out with a corporate job, she found herself drawn to grow food, delighted by the flourishing tomatos and a little lemon tree. How did this passion, which helped her connect with her new life and heal from what she’d been exposed to both in the military and after, turn into a non profit offering urban kids the chance to learn about growing food? Join us to find out
Join me as we talk about how the worst time in Amikaeyla’s life led to Music As Medicine, programming she developed which successfully helps people in the United States and around the world (including recently in Israel, Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, Palestine, Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, and Sierra Leone) unlock their deepest inner voice. What links her work on national and international t.v., on recordings with many award winning artists, singing for His Holiness the Dalai Lama in India and working with divergent groups, from corporations to the Broadway stage? Amikaeyla says that although seemingly disparate, all the people she has worked with can find their creative voice, using the system that she will share with us, to transform their emotional and expressive subjugation into celebration!
Recovering from a divorce and dealing with his father’s terminal diagnosis, Robert Pruitt faced the lowest point in his life. But hearing his father was ill, he knew he would regret missing any of it. In the next three months until his dad’s death, Robert wrote in his journal and embarked on a crash course in living and dying. How did these losses and the work he did to respond to them lead to a life of purpose and meaning, teaching others to share the gifts they are with the world? Robert will inspire and uplift you with his tale of difficulty and redemption
When breast cancer interrupted her successful life, Terri Wingham found herself depressed and isolated, with no bridge back from illness to purpose. Taking a chance by going on a volunteer trip to Africa, she found a passion that she now shares with other survivors at volunteer locations across the globe. Listen in to find out how A Fresh Chapter, the non-profit she founded, facilitates trips around the world. Be moved by the stories of people who, by giving, have received a new outlook.
Lorrain Taylor's worst nightmare began on a typical February day in 2000. Her sons, twins, were murdered together in a parking lot while trying to start a car, victims of a random shooting. How did Lorrain heal and begin her work to support families after the loss of their children to violence? Lorrain's story of redemption and activism will break your heart and lift you up
How would it change you to lose most of your family in a few short years? Lily Myers Kaplan has written an intimate and compelling memoir, Two Rare Birds: A Legacy of Love about the painful, exhausting, challenging and ultimately transformative experiences Lily and her family had as they faced old age, two cancer diagnoses, and their family history. Her honesty will move and inspire you
As a child, Marianna Cacciatore lost her best friend, who was murdered on her way home. Isolated with her grief, Marianna learned young the value of developing skills to support ourselves through loss. Deeply believing in the important and value of grieving, a primary focus of her career has been working with grieving families and creating tools to promote resilience in grieving people. Her message of hope and resilience, as well as willingness to truly embrace her own grief, inspires and moves us to stay on our road.
Do you like to play cards? And sit around the kitchen table talking with family, with friends? But are there those conversations you find it hard to have? How do you want to die? For that matter, how do you want to live? The Action Mill, a graphic arts company that has worked with companies that are focused on addressing grief, has developed a card game, My Gift of Grace, to help all of us talk about dying and living. Jethro Heiko and Nick Jehlen, two of the founders and game developers, are motivated by the experiences in their lives that have taught them how important conversation, especially about the difficult subjects and at the challenging moments, can be.
What if you had changed your life to make it everything you dreamed of and then were diagnosed with breast cancer? And your usual way of coping was to apply a strong wit to every experience? And you’d done stand-up comedy, honing your comedic skills? And you hated pink ribbons and fundraisers? You might find yourself writing a book about finding a way to give as little to cancer as you could get away with. You might become even more determined to live your best life! Find out more about Dena Taylor at www.denataylor.com
From 1985 to 1995, Benjamin Allen lost his wife Lydia and their two children to AIDS, contracted through a blood transfusion during childbirth. Grieving these unimaginable losses, Benjamin felt his way to a deeper life. He says, “My experience with grief has been that a part of me is forever gone and a part of the one I love and lost is forever with me.” His journey of reintegration led him to write a book, Out of the Ashes: Healing in the Afterloss, to share what he’s learned about navigating grief and sorrow, finding our way to greater joy and fulfillment.
How can music deepen our experience of life, especially when life is difficult? As a result of the challenges in his own life, Gary Malkin, a multiple Emmy® and Clio® award-winning composer, producer, performer and public speaker, explored the ways he could apply his considerable experience and talent to that question. What resulted was a large body of work in multiple media supporting people as they face life’s challenges. Listen in to learn how Gary came to use his music and creative power for healing purposes and how we can all integrate what moves us into how we face what’s hard, up to and including death.
How can we create an open conversation about the damages and continued disconnects which result from racism? Shakti Butler believes that “in order to manifest human rights and dignity for all, it is necessary that we seek union between the head and heart. It is the head that can recognize, analyze and strategize to overcome disparities. It is the heart that obliterates fear.” Join us while we talk about the losses we all suffer as a result of institutionalized racism and what we can each do to cultivate a deeper dialogue beyond the boundaries of misunderstanding and stereotype.
Have you had a conversation with the closest people to you about how they want to die? The Conversation Project believes we all need to have those conversations and offers invaluable insights into how to bring them about. Join me with Harriet Warshaw, the Executive Director, as we talk about the Project’s principles and how she was moved to work with the organization after the death of her mother.
Aimee DuFresne lost her father and young husband within a year of each other. Devastated by the loss, she had to choose how to continue living her life. Ultimately, she found the courage not just to live but to create a life beyond what she had imagined. Her choice, to live life to the fullest, led to a career that has included a radio show, several books, and a coaching practice to help other women live their best life, encouraging her clients to live the healthy life she has found for herself. As she says several years later, “My focus is not on the pain of the loss, but the joy in the living.”
How would you find your way through the pain and betrayal you would feel if you lost someone you loved to suicide? Robert Lesoine found his way through the agony of losing his closest friend; first by writing his pain into a journal and then, ultimately, by creating a book with Marilynne Chöphel, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in trauma. The result is Unfinished Conversation: Healing from Suicide and Loss - A Guided Journey, which weaves entries from Robert's journal with exercises and mindfulness suggestions Robert and Marilynne developed together, helping those left behind to move toward resolution and healing. Although suicide is a particular kind of loss, many of the meditations and exercises work for any kind of loss. If we can imagine healing from this most profound abandonment, can't we imagine healing from almost anything?
Melanie DeMore, an outstanding and internationally recognized vocal artist, embodies her own principle that music can be a force for social and political change. Join us as we talk about how she uses her powerful voice to heal and transform. What experiences in her own life responded to music’s healing potential? What led her to dedicate her life to sharing her gifts with adults and children throughout the world? Don’t miss this mesmerizing artist as she shares with us her gifts, songs and inspirations!
Join me when guest Ash Beckham talks about having the hard conversations. How did she learn about that? By coming out as a lesbian and, after the grief that comes from a profound lack of acceptance, learned to tell the truth, simply and well, about herself. What are the hard conversations we all need to have and what holds us back? What will we gain when we step over the precipice and take the chance on just being ourselves? Don’t miss this guest, both for her humor and for what she has to teach us.
Frank Ostaseski, a widely respected authority on compassionate end of life care, urges us to turn toward suffering. What does he mean by that and how can we overcome our fear to find our way there? Join me for this hour of exploration about how allowing our own grief to affect us builds our compassion and our capacity to listen and learn. Discover with me what Frank means when he says that the three skills we need when we accompany others preparing for death are mastery, meaning and mystery. Frank believes that compassion is best expressed as an intimacy with the suffering of others. This intimate conversation will help all of us see that this is possible!
Julie Genovese struggled for the first several decades of her life with deep shame and self criticism as a result of the cruel bullying and medical torture she experienced as a child. Originally believing that her dwarfism and arthritis condemned her to a limited and lonely life, she found a way to love herself, with all her unique difference. Following every twist and turn of her own struggle, she learned to accept herself fully and create the life of her dreams. Join us for a story of triumph and transformation as we discuss her book, Nothing Short of Joy.
Already fascinated by the mysteries of death, sociologist Michelle Peticolas deepened her own understanding of death, and of grief, when she was faced with the deaths of both her parents within the same year. Join us as we explore the ways those losses opened her heart and led to her life’s work as a filmmaker exploring death and as a coach facilitating grief.
Together, we’ll talk about how making her film series, Secrets of Life and Death, intensified her understanding of what was, and is, possible as an outgrowth of grief, if she allowed herself to follow every twist and turn of her experience! As she interviewed her subjects about their losses, she found in herself the capacity to face death and, in a fuller way, choose life. Today, she shares what she learned with both clients and audiences, following her calling to let death guide life.
Claire Bidwell Smith found out at 14 that both her parents had cancer. She spent the next ten years interweaving a halting journey to maturity with their declines and deaths (her mother when she was 14 and her father when she was 24). The many aspects of her grief led to a memoir, The Rules of Inheritance, which will soon be made into a movie starring Jennifer Lawrence. She is also a grief counselor and former hospice counselor, using her own experiences to inform her work. As she says, she doesn’t find this work sad, as people think it would be, but rather, “the deeper the grief, the more evidence of love I see.” Join us for a conversation about her journey from those losses to her life now.
What does a palliative care chaplain have to tell us about facing death and living life? Denah Joseph has sat with over a thousand dying people and their families. Her own early experiences with death led her to seek answers to the deepest life questions: Why are we here? What is important? How do we heal? Join me to learn more about what dying people have to teach us about what matters and what it takes to live close to the doorway between death and life.
Join me as we talk about how the worst time in Amikaeyla’s life led to Music As Medicine, programming she developed which successfully helps people in the United States and around the world (including recently in Israel, Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, Palestine, Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, and Sierra Leone) unlock their deepest inner voice. What links her work on national and international t.v., on recordings with many award winning artists, singing for His Holiness the Dalai Lama in India and working with divergent groups, from corporations to the Broadway stage? Amikaeyla says that although seemingly disparate, all the people she has worked with can find their creative voice, using the system that she will share with us, to transform their emotional and expressive subjugation into celebration!
Angelo Merendino is a photographer who started taking pictures of his wife as soon as he fell for her. His photo journaling became a calling when, five months after they were married, Jennifer was diagnosed with breast cancer. When he shared his photos in essay form, they went viral on Facebook, leading to appearances in the press and a TEDX talk. In this hour, Angelo will share what he wants people to know about how to support their friends and family dealing with cancer. We’ll talk about what moves him to say that his time with Jennifer, including the times of her illness, were the happiest in his life. He’ll talk about Jen and how she could affirm, a few days before her death, “I loved it all.” We’ll talk about how grief has changed him and what his experience of loss has taught him. Join us and let Angelo inspire you!
I wouldn’t ask my guests to do something I wouldn’t do myself, so on this debut show, I’ve invited Marianna Cacciatore to interview me. Marianna is Executive Director of Bread for the Journey and host of Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Deeds, a weekly radio program on VoiceAmerica. Why did I want to host a show on grief? How did losing my wife lead to less fear, more courage, a greater sense of possibility? How did surrendering to my grief lead me to a happier, more fulfilled, more meaningful life? What did loss teach me and how did grief liberate me? What are the many ways my life is different since confronting death? Each week on Good Grief, I will be asking my guests to answer questions like these. Together, let’s discover the potential of a whole hearted grief!