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Monster in My Podcast is going on mothballs for now, to make way for ORB: A Venture Bros. Podcast.
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We talk about the Malleus Monstrorum more broadly, and look back at its highlights.
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The black hole at the end of the universe... or at least at the end of this book.
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The district manager for the Green God Corporation.
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If you ever told someone what to do in the Dreamlands, you're officially a god.
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August Derleth is lucky he could rip us in half if he wanted to.
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Its throne is an entire planet, but he'll only need the edge.
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At the very least, it could scare a bear off if one attacked.
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The most ancient of the ancient ones, even if it's rude to say it.
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Just in case you ever wanted to fight a doorway.
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It turns out Kirby is a Great Old One after all.
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A dude in the Dreamlands who knows the answer to the one question you don't want to ask.
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As normal, somwhat neurotic and flabby humans, we take this entry personally.
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Someone grabbed a bedazzler and gave Yog-Sothoth a glow-over.
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Gotta say, the idea of sleeping for a thousand years sounds pretty good right about now.
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"What if there was just a dude," said the Dreamlands.
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Either an ancient god, or what happens to the dairy section two years after the apocalypse hits your local grocery store.
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Just a cthonian on his grind, shooting for the top, unaware that the elitists in management think poorly of him because of his name.
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Just because you know the name, doesn't mean there's a lot to say.
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There's no difference between a very good wizard and the god of wizards.
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Fewer stars and mothers are involved than you'd expect, but way more boats.
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A worm that got so big it became the boss, but maybe not the god.
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Accompanied by the Keeper of the Microfiber Cloth.
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We got him from England as part of the avatar exchange program.
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I'd go to great lengths if a cool hat was involved.
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Your first mistake was forgetting about Pig Man.
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He's a great host, but don't piss him off unless you want your rug to be more nutritious.
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I'd call it a walking adventure hook if it wasn't a worm.
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One plausible explanation for why there are three episodes of MIMP per week.
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Imagine settling every dream beef on the planet.
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You got your cavorters, and you got your pipers.
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Don't talk to me or my many far-flung sons ever again.
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Some fundamental and easily avoided misconceptions.
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Hey Derleth... who's officiating these weddings?
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It rests comfortably in ambiguity of provenance.
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Don't be fooled, Christopher Lee is also a mask of Nyarlathotep.
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I'm suffering from a case of beak envy, you guys. Look at that snoot.
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The only scary place to have a mirror is the face.
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Instant death is a blessing in Call of Cthulhu.
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Turns out Nyarlathotep is a big fan of Alan Wake.
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This is bothersome to people with stinky disaster junk.
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Nyarlathotep's thirst for Egyptian blood continues unabated.
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Bring your own turquoise jewelry and Rusted Root bootlegs.
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Suddenly, around the world, every pumpkin screamed at once.
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Nyarlathotep is just greedy for basic concepts.
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No, Hastur, the color yellow doesn't BELONG to you!
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Jolly Green giant confirmed as an avatar for Nyarlathotep.
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Nyarlathotep knows how to use war to manipulate mankind. No jokes, here, it's just a really good idea.
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Why make up a new myth when a perfectly good one is already there?
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The Crawling Mist is here in case you miss your flight.
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It's the match of the millennia! Pharaoh versus podcaster! Fight!
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Not to be confused with the Dark Demon, which comes later.
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How many places can Nyarlathotep be at once on judgement day?
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Nyarlathotep's got his thousand eyes on the Big Easy.
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It should have been obvious, "Nobunaga" is an anagram of "Nyarlathotep."
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Nyarlathofest begins! It's the most magical four months of the year.
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The important thing to understand is that this is not Odin.
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To be fair, it's jarring to have twins when you're only expecting one kid. You might maroon them in the great red storm of Jupiter, too.
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It's yet another Dreamlands dweeb you'd love to give a swirly.
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The only cogent lesson we can take from this book is "stay away from lakes".
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All that he asks is that you have the decency to stay the fuck down.
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It's a dinosaur that sleeps on the moon. No joke here. It's a dinosaur that sleeps on the moon.
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Tindalos makes a steal, taking Fenris away from anime.
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I don't know, let's just name the space between things I guess.
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A big curious gray just needs to borrow you for a second.
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It's a storm that summons another storm and I'm dying, you guys.
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Under no circumstances do you "have to hand it to her".
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Someone write a story or book with this guy in it, please.
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Very appropriate for the day before Thanksgiving, when we all become feasters from afar.
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Decide if whether or not you have a human form before you come to me.
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You're gonna have to do better than "scary bird" in this league.
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We don't have any jokes about the mortician god. It's just a cool idea.
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The book is really banking on making clouds scary.
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He's the Cthulhu you grandma gets you for Christmas by mistake.
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The only Outer God who can be picked up on doppler radar.
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Who's got two claws, a single tentacle, and something to prove? I can't point at myself because I'm Byatis and I have claws. Life is hell.
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The doom that came to Sarnath is not to be confused with the DOOM that came from Carmack.
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She's the cat's pajamas. And also the cat. And also all cats.
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The god lucky enough to have his own diegetic theme music.
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I could only find one image of this god, and its face looked so much like a vagina that I had to pixelate it.
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Chrono Cross does not have a monopoly on frozen flames.
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Don't step to me with those round mouths, people.
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An earnest debate about whether bugs are better than cones.
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You won't have to worry about your bayou when these fellas are around.
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The tunnelers above are usually busy building skywalks between hotels and convention centers.
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The Adventures of Doctor Frog and Eldritch Monstrosity Toad.
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It'll be whatever you want it to be, as long as it's a black blob.
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No, you misheard me. Not an angel dog, and ANGLE dog.
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These little fellas have been the worst in every era. Just the pits.
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When this fool's in the pool, it's always Unspeakably Ancient Swim.
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I find it frustrating that they're called "centaurs" when the "taur" stands for "bull".
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When a warm front and a cold front love each other very much...
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Aurora borealis, at this time of year, in this part of the country, here to eat you.
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I feel personally attacked by the notion of an amorphous flesh monster.
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When you can't afford the Mi-Go, settle for a near-go.
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An empire that spanned the globe but never mattered.
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Their wooden backscratchers keep getting worn down to nubs.
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Koalas aren't just scary because of chlamydia anymore!
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And lo the fell heralds ushered in the Old Gods with their mystic song: "Y'All Ready for This?"
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I mean, we ALL turn into shapeless abominations after a few decades of living, right?
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This thing can play a lot of second fiddles with all of those arms.
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They could have just called them space vampires and it would have been fine.
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Now bringing you weaponized tickles every hour on the hour.
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The thrilling conclusion of the Space Toad suite!
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The moon pushes and pulls on our bodies in mysterious ways.
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Someday something's coming, from way out beyond the stars. It'll kill us while we stand there, and they'll store our brains in mason jars.
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Which one of you is pranking us by putting a willowisp in every monster manual!?!?
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The one time where you don't want the plum position.
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Amazing, all-powerful creatures that become laughing stocks just because of their neighborhood.
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The Ghost Beings of Ib get salty if you leave them out.
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At the very least these horses belong to someone. The invisible.
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A manifestation of Lovecraft's fear of vaginas.
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Extremely horny bunnymen are the only monster in this manual worthy of contempt.
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Hello, listeners and patrons alike. We come to you with some exciting news: We are changing the Patreon around! (http://patreon.com/duckfeedtv) It feels like we just did this, but the last major change was back toward the beginning of 2017. We’re trying to constantly observe what’s happening with the network and learn what to do better. That means making changes like this from time to time.
We’re also aiming to never shake things up in a way that is too disruptive to you, the listener. We want to give more (or at least focus up and give better). So we put a lot of thought and consideration into making sure these changes either solve problems or help us achieve goals.
Here’s the summary of what we’re planning, and you can find the details below. In order to grow the network, give patrons more, and cover rising costs, we plan to:
Bring back Bonfireside Chat as a Patreon show.
Give Patrons a whole episode of Watch Out for Fireballs!
Move from theme months to covering big-name games more frequently.
Change WOFF! Listener Response episodes to WOFF! Dispatch, make it more interactive, and have broader topic discussions.
Make Adaptation Decay a monthly show.
We are getting rid of the content store, and making premium episodes available on Patreon in perpetuity.
We are phasing out the promise of physical goods, and sending out an “I’m Sorry!” package to people who never got theirs.
In general, we are simplifying the Patreon drastically, while offering more at each tier.
So without further preamble, let’s get into more detail.
We want to grow.
We want to grow in both listenership, patronage, and income. We are proud of the work that we do, and never want to stagnate in any of the aforementioned areas. Growth requires change.
We want to give patrons more.
The best way to keep listeners and members around is to always try to give more (or give better). This is also the best way to bring new people in. We are grateful to our patrons, past and present, and we want to make sure we’re giving them stuff they want.
We want to meet rising costs.
There are costs associated with doing this at the professional level. Traveling to live shows is expensive. Hosting, web services, applications, and equipment are expensive. Being self-employed is expensive (both Gary and I do this full time and need to cover things like health insurance). And since we’re covering more new games, we’re spending more on games! This is not a hobby for us, we’re committed to doing this full time as our main means of support, and this means keeping up with costs.
People want Bonfireside Chat.
And we want to give it to them. We also want to play to our strengths as a network whose bread and butter is games club content. We put Bonfireside Chat to bed when it felt like it was the right thing to do. We stuck with our guns for a long time. But with Sekiro on the horizon, and some damn-fine Soulslikes already here, it feels right to take the show out of cold storage.
So we are bringing back Bonfireside Chat as a Patreon show, with a slightly different format. Listen to Bonfireside Chat 2.0 Episode 0 on the feed to learn more. Our first game is the Soulslike shooter Immortal Unchained!
We want to value WOFF! appropriately.
Watch Out for Fireballs! is the network’s flagship show. It also takes a lot of time to produce. We play through the entire game (whether it’s 1 hour or 100), research the games, write outlines that total in the thousands of words, record for hours, and edit. In looking at how to make this tenable in the long run, we have decided to make one episode of WOFF! per month premium.
This does two things: It makes the Patreon more valuable for our members, and it incentivizes more membership.
But don’t panic! When an episode goes premium, we will include a good portion of it on the public feed (up through the Generalities). So you still get something each week, it’s just that the play-by-play goes to members.
NOTE 1: This won’t go into effect for January. We already announced those games, and we don’t want to revoke access to something anyone was excited for.
NOTE 2: We will still have multi-part episodes, but we will never put a whole episode (Part 2, 3, or 4) behind a paywall. Only single episodes will get this treatment.
WOFF! Theme Months are going away.
This was a very fun idea. But it was also hell to plan for, in addition to other WOFF-based pattern incentives. So we feel like it has run its course. We want to exercise more control over the games we pick for WOFF! so we can pace out the year and cover exciting stuff. Anyone who has paid for a WOFF Theme Month will still get their topics covered, but after that hopper is exhausted the theme months will go away.
We want the WOFF! Listener Response episodes to be more interesting.
Right now, not a lot of folks listen to the letters episodes on WOFF. Additionally, not a lot of people listen to the behind-the-scenes episodes of DuckTRAX, and we don’t get very many prompts/responses. SO! We’re getting rid of DuckTRAX and changing the listener response episodes to WOFF! Dispatch.
So the last episode of WOFF! for each month will contain responses about the games from that month, prompts and questions from the Patrons, and a segment that is a longer-form discussion about a particular topic. These will be fun experiments, and we hope you’re down for them.
We want to do more Adaptation Decay
Adaptation Decay is our premium show about how video games are adapted into other media, and it’s a fun show to do. Right now we have it on a very strange “8 times a year” rhythm. With DuckTRAX going away, we are taking Adaptation Decay monthly!
The content store is complicated, and having content time-gated on Patreon is confusing and dissatisfying.
So we’re not going to fuck with that anymore. If you back at $10 per month, you’ll get access to the firehose of content. Every premium WOFF, Bonfireside Chat Exquisite Suffering, Adaptation Decay, DuckTRAX, Try This… and whatever other one-off Duckfeed Presents stuff we make for you. We appreciate people who support us, and we want you to get your money’s worth, both in terms of the backlog and future value.
We really biffed the physical goods.
Under the old scheme, we offered physical goods packs and a DuckZine. We failed to deliver those, because we overestimated our ability to meet that logistical challenge. So the new scheme has no physical rewards.
To say sorry for our past neglect of this promise, we will be sending out one large package to everyone who was qualified for those rewards (you should have already received an email about this). We are sorry that we disappointed you on this front, and there’s really no excuse. We hope the I’m Sorry package helps.
We’re honoring our previous commitments.
People who paid for theme months will get those theme months covered. If you have a WOFF! game demand or Abject Suffering demand in the hopper, that’s still there.
The current Patreon scheme is complicated and we want to simplify it.
We have a lot of reward tiers and stretch goals. Some of the reward tiers require backing for several months, which is confusing. In general, we let the Patreon grow tangled and weird, and we want to prune it down so it’s easier for you to pick the right tier.
So, we’ve got less of everything, but what remains should be even more valuable. We are reducing the number of new shows on the horizon, because we are already stretched pretty thin. But there’s still stuff to aim for, and we hope this makes the Patreon much more valuable and friendly.
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If I could teach the Shoggoths to sing in perfect harmony...
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A zombie by any other name still wilts in the sun.
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Mom won't shave me, Jesus can't save me: Dog Faced Boy.
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Leaping lizards! Except for the last part, sorta.
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Hey there Blimpy Boy, flying through the sky so fancy free...
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A possible explanation for spontaneous combustion.
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It's a messed up tile-puzzle of a creature. Pitiable.
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The best damn burglars this side of the veil. Or that side. They oscillate.
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They look a little green in the gills. Except that means they're healthy.
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Humming, all the way to Reno. You're gonna be a star... spawn.
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The episode of the podcast of the Malleus Monstorum of the entry of the Guardians of the Crystalizers of Dreams.
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You must be this elephanty to get into the elephant club.
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Buy your ticket early, you don't want to end up at the bottom of the face pillar.
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You'd think Hastur would be able to ride in style, but nope.
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A cyclops by any other name would still be pretty bad at tennis.
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It can beat you with one dimension tied behind its back.
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See you in a few weeks for the beginning of our season on the Malleus Monstorum!
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From the innocent times before animals became memes.
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He chose the least efficient way to scratch himself.
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Don't corner an antelope and expect not to get eaten.
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Dash yourself upon the rocks for this rockstar pterodactyl.
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Where did all the good boys go? We can't see them.
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There is nothing more to be said about serpents.
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Slap a kilt on this thing and you've got yourself a cryptid going.
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The argument that nobody cares about continues: is it a dragon?
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Go home, little sprite, and don't burn mine down.
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A bird whose superpower is always being surprised.
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See the turtle of enormous girth, discuss his back to make some mirth.
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If your pubes don't form a mane, you're missing out.
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Their tufted ears will tickle the insides of your lungs.
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A manticore by any other name is basically this thing, too.
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If you believe they put a man in the woods (man in the woods).
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By the time you've seen a hairy person in an alley, it's already too late.
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It sounds like the name of dance, but it's anything but... a dance.
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A tarrasque has been sighted outside of boise. I repeat...
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Raze all human edifice to the ground so these good fellas have room to play.
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Vultures are fascinating enough, look them up too.
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I think I know where Little Sebastians go after they die.
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Welcome to the world of the shadow owls, you won't sense a difference.
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We cannot determine the number of arms or the sex or the provenance.
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Controversial provenance provokes the most pedantic of posting.
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Land will offer you no succor from its eternal pursuit.
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Big Spicy Red has arrived at the club. I repeat...
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This poor troll suffered a plaque attack, while Debbie tries very hard to convince you heartless monsters that this creature composes songs.
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A cartilage miracle who evolved to dynamite fish.
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Scrotums fill follow us to the stars and beyond.
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The designers forgot to design, and a plain ol' snake snuck in.
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The swamp lamp is only the tip of the otherworldly iceberg.
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Contents may not be as cool as an actual chimera.
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A big, angry, disease-riddled bird is comin' atcha.
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This episode was recorded entirely in one take.
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Your car is the only safe place. Forget about it.
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It's time to learn about the virus that makes you a vampire, and turns sasquatches invisible.
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Our first entry in the book of Paranormal Animals of North America brings us the Aardwolf, a hard-to-see scragglyboy.
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Welcome to the beginning of our new season! This first episode is a short primer on the Shadowrun universe, which will be useful for people who are more familiar with D&D.
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The season ends on a classic, and a subversion of our "most undead are trash" rule.
The show is taking a brief break, and will return starting March 5 with our season about the Shadowrun supplemental manual "Paranormal Animals of North America".
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An interdimensional hitman who works on a sliding scale of skill and price.
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We get in another good adventure hook before the end of the season. Beware of cheap drinks!
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They're cheaper than actual dragons because you get two fewer drumsticks.
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We'd like to report a monster that escaped from the lycanthropy section. Repeat, we'd like to report...
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I can't believe a wolf wrote this entry by typing with his paws.
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Look out Dolphins, you've got a competitor for "best entry in the Monstrous Manual."
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The Monstrous Manual plays it right up the middle with these classic masters of the night, but it's just a testament to how cool even the most basic vampire already is.
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Troll week continues with Desert Trolls, Giant Trolls, and more.
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The world of trolls is rich and diverse, and a single episode wouldn't cut it.
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Another certified D&D classic whose primary attack is Kool-Aid Man-ing.
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Lots of little lizard people, leaping down the lane.
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The "Tighten Up" jokes continue, because that is a very good song.
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The monster manual entry that's a love letter to the monster in question.
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There could be a platypus intersecting with you right now and you wouldn't even know it. Unless you were Psionic.
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Mess with the crabbo, you get the stabbo. Mess with the tentacle, he'll cut your left ventricle.
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Who is this, Dee from It's Always Sunny? Get it, because bird lady.
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A group of intelligent squids is called an ink tank.
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Ok, we're getting tired of the "undead with a grudge" genre.
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Let's talk about angry belts that don't like the ground.
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Get real angry, because this thing's weak to salt.
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Deceptively named. It's not the skeleton of a giant, but a skeleton that was MADE giant.
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Skeleton week begins with your standard skele-friend.
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Listen in for confusion about what shadows actually are. Not the monsters, just... the optical phenomenon.
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All the grace, beauty, and majesty of sea doofuses.
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Angry slimer reaches out for some human contact.
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Raise your hand if Final Fantasy made you think these were water monsters.
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Cat people run, run like the wind. Cat people screw, screw like the wind.
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Plant week concludes with a classic: the Shambling Mound.
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Plant week continues with some smart, smart plants.
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Plant week begins with some dangerous, dangerous plants.
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We spend 90% of the episode trying to figure out how to pronounce "Borges".
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Welcome to the Monstrous Manual's original sin.
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All good things must come to an end, and seep out into a culvert or sluice.
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Don't let these gooey boys slip through your fingers!
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We go to bat for an oft-maligned slimy genius of the sea.
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Break beauty down to its component parts, for profit.
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Don't stand still long enough for them to make you a baby bag.
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One night I had the weirdest dream where I walked into a cave, and I saw a snake with a human head wearing a vest, rolling a donut.
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A lich by any other name still smells as sweet.
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Here's our little muddy friend, walking through the forest. Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly, what a day
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Gary named this file "Wet Orcs" when he edited it, and that just about sums it up.
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This year's Beholderfest ends with a discussion of Beholder toys and homes.
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Milord Wizard answers all of our most pressing questions about Beholders.
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What makes a Beholder tick? What do they do for fun? Let's find out.
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What can a Beholder do? Let's find out in the Powers section of "I, Tyrant".
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Our look at "I, Tyrant" continues as we gaze upon Beholder history and myth.
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The tradition continues! Listen for our first dive into the Monstrous Arcana book "I, Tyrant", covering some Beholder Basics.
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It's the things from real life that are scariest.
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Probably the strongest single-issue voter in the book, if we had to guess.
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This is the entry that made us want to do this show.
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Somehow these are way cooler than they have any right to be?
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(In a full grown man's voice) Daddy, daddy, bring me a boy.
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I'm led to believe that an outfit called the "Blood Hound Gang" has conceived of a theorem for determining the behavior of two mammalian entities.
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We finish out lycanthrope fortnight with the big kahuna himself.
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Kole almost falls into a trap of being super predictable. Then he falls into it.
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Whoever wrote this has some strange ideas about women and race.
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Two woodland buddies, just partying in the forest.
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It's always fun when the author of the Monstrous Manual is clearly writing about someone he knows.
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Lycanthrope fortnight begins with a whimper, appropriately enough (because of dogs, you see).
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Please write in and tell us if you have ever, ever, run an underwater campaign. We don't think it's ever happened.
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The creature so cool that we rescued it from the indignity of being a footnote.
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The best week of the show (outside of Beholderfest) begins with getting Lich, and dying trying.
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Add human teeth to any animal to make it instantly 100x more vile.
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Imagine the hills lighting up as the eyes of thousands of tiny wish men open their eyes and train them on you.
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The ruined Resident Evil 0, and now they're coming for your throat meat.
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A classic that goes down smooth, candle and all.
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What has fur and eight legs? A tarantula, you dolt.
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A smug merry-go-round cast off dispenses horchata into a kiddie pool.
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A misplaced lycanthrope presages a rough month of episodes coming up.
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I'll have you know this is the best blurb that I can write.
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Literally the first thing that comes to mind when someone says "draw me a psionic monster."
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You can only get so far talking about velvet ants and locusts, so enjoy a dad joke so bad it only appeals to dust.
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We're serious about that sitcom deal. Call us, we'll save you CBS.
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It's a tiny little beastie that drives a man. Don't tell Men in Black!
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Perhaps the most dangerous game of all was tennis played with an active grenade.
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Let's strip all of the majesty off of god's most glorious creature, shall we?
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It's a Dungeons and Dragons classic that prompts and unusual "Would You Rather".
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We're looking to break into television. If you know anyone who's open to sitcom development, let us know!
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Whoever wrote this entry is ultra thirsty for a water horse.
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Are you a DM who needs an excuse to join the action with your players? Then the Haunt may be for you!
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A crocodile slides a mile with no legs and a great big smile.
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Reverse mythological beasts always do the opposite of what you expect.
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Of all the monsters we grappled with and bested, it took the humble halfling to break us entirely.
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The season of the witch continues as we make a case for Hags being the very best.
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Here's one frog who won't suddenly turn into a symbol for Nazi shitheads.
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Hide your horses, because the skies are never safe.
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I've been informed that we missed a chance to make a joke about Jermlaine Jackson. Sorry about that.
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Don't get them wet after midnight, or Gary will yell at you for getting the mythology wrong.
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Have I already used the "everybody must get stoned" joke? C'mon, there are so many creatures with a petrification gimmick.
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Just when you thought you were safe from Golems, here they come again.
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The Ravenloft Rock Block continues with two of the cooler interlopers: A skeletal naga construct and a friend with no brain.
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The redundancy golem shows up twice, even if you don't want him to.
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When Ravenloft comes to crash the party, you don't ask questions.
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Suffering a horrible accident doesn't immediately make you a cryptid, you insensitive monster.
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We only need one Wes Anderson, no matter how big your package is.
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It's a double nightmare creature who's on the prowl for boy-spine from the very shadows themselves.
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Gith Week ends with the most interesting example of these planar mummy men... The Githzerai. Their lives may be shams!
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Sharpen up your silver swords, it's time to hack through another religious extremist mummy man.
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Thus begins Gith week, where we try to distinguish between three sets of indistinguishable shrunken mummy men.
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Please go home, Spelljammer. Space Hippos aren't cool.
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We've finally moved past the sea of giants, and now we're on to these small, smelly idiots.
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Our discussion of giants comes to a weird head... specifically by talking about a giant with a weirdly-shaped head.
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We finally get to the fireworks factory of Dungeons and Dragons giants... The giant against which all giants are measured. The Verbeeg!
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How is a Stone Giant different from a Mountain Giant? Tune in to find out!
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From the highlands to the lowlands, conversation turns mostly to appearance.
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We've got one guy who is functionally indistinguishable from a Cloud Giant, and another guy who's just a nasty boy.
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Just when you thought it was safe to let your guard down around lava.
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It's an exercise in contrasts as we compare the transcendent Desert Giant to the dumb and pointless Ettin.
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Now begins the long, slow death march of talking about barely-differentiated giants.
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The withering stare of age is brought on by unfinished business. Settle your accounts, folks.
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I'm an efreeti in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way.
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Oh no, they say he's got to go: Go Go Gargantua.
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Happy Halloween! Have some boulders that are disguised as boulders.
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Everything you ever wanted to know about a legit and real scary thing. Both you, and it, will scream forever.
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What first appears to be another beholder is actually an extended Ghostbusters II tribute.
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Horrible dummies from the abyss will glue you to the wall with tears.
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The thrilling conclusion to the "how do spiders sleep?" saga.
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Deep below the earth, the dark elves weave their radioactive cloaks, warmed by the breath of those who failed the test.
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You live in a paradise under the sea, wending between the kelp... but there's a dark threat from within. Can you trust your eyes, sea elf?
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We're back in Player Handbook territory as we discuss the long-lived fey creatures that die in secret like cats.
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Or, as we call them, future pianos. Now I'm sad.
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Can you fight a force of nature? Yes, but it would be boring.
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True love melts away, and all you're left with is some poison in your eye.
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Who can be sure what a baby snake would grow up to? Would it grow a face? Would its spear become a part of its body? So snuff out the fireplace, sonny, lest you invite doom.
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Nobody has ever used these things in a campaign, and I wouldn't believe you if you contradicted me.
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You happen into a clearing and discover a small, pearlescent egg. This isn't an episode of Abject Suffering, but your world is about to change forever.
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If you kidnap a planar dummy, don't be surprised if he burns your life down.
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Just in case you didn't catch them in the Player Handbook, they're back!
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Are you ready for uncomfortable sexual situations? Are you too charming for your own good? Then the Dryad might be for you, sweet thing.
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Exdragonanza closes with a whimper on a glorified manticore, and what amounts to a gigantic sea turtle.
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Now we enter a detour into the little guys, and hope we don't inhale a dragon faerie.
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Too chromatic for the metal dragons, too metallic for the chromatic dragons. Here we have the misfits. The outlaws. The rebels.
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Let's dig deeper an deeper into Dragonalia, with elemental dragons that skip back and forth between irrelevant planes of existence.
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And the miscellany rolls in, both aloof and pointless.
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A parade of depressing archetypes who will trap you into conversation, then leave you forever to go back to their home planet.
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Welcome to the weirdo neutral dragons that time forgot, as their cruel creators shunted them into Monster Manuals with higher and higher numbers.
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It's a whole rainbow of shitty eternity lizards.
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Exdragonanza 2016 begins in earnest as we discuss dragonkind in general, before diving into specifics over the next few weeks.
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Contents of the Dracolich may be less bony than they appear.
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We are Gary and Kole. Please proceed as normal.
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Somehow they made a real animal the most fantastical creature in this book full of sentient jelly and fire nymphs.
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If you come at the Displacer Beast, you best not miss.
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Tell me all your thoughts on dog, because I know we're going to talk about them.
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Somehow the Monstrous Manual made dinosaurs boring. Bra-fucking-vo.
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It's a beholder, it's a shoggoth, it's redundant!
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It's your favorite Dragonlance character, Lord Soth, singing his sorrowful song about his demise.
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Just goes to show you: The angle is everything.
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Cave Man Boy is back, and he's going to have his say, god damn it.
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Animated, disembodied hands aren't as cool as you'd think!
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The Monstrous Manual takes a left turn... Instead of making the Crabmen another orc stand-in, they've created a morally nuanced ethical test. A very tasty ethical test.
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This entry on the Couatl was written by a Couatl.
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Whoever wrote this entry thinks centipedes are the most loathsome creatures in existence.
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Oh to roam free on the wooded fields as a horse elf.
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It's half lobster, half spider, half barnacle, and 100% charming.
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The smaller the cat, the bigger the heart... until it becomes a medical condition.
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Join us for a tour of all cats medium and large, as the show becomes just a reading of the Encyclopedia Brittanica.
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Another in the long line of monsters that just ruin your property values. It's like a centipede, but worse.
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Delicious frog people who are actually just orcs.
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Pointless and boring, the bugbear arrives on the scene to make orcs look interesting in comparison.
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This is the least excited I've ever been when I heard the word "brownie".
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Psionics are so terrible that a lowly rodent of the ground can use them as snacks.
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When you're trying to choose between "dragon" and "snake" and the coin you flip lands on its edge.
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All good things must come to an end. At least until next year.
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The many-eyed cavity creep gives way to beholders that don't really need to be beholders.
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BeholderFest 2016 will never end! Meet the many-ribbed Death Tyrant and many more of his bizarre friends.
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BeholderFest continues as we settle in and dedicate a whole episode to our friend (and yours), the helpful Spectator.
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Pucker up, because it's time to talk about the Death Kiss, the Eye of the Deep, and the Gauth. The magic is gone!
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Feast your eyes on the first part of BeholderFest 2016, where we give you the skinny on our favorite Eye Tyrants.
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Please search Kickstarter for our patent-pending beetle sleeping bags. You know, to hide the horror.
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The shocking origin story of the Dracolisk: Prodigious production, combined with clumsiness on slippery surfaces.
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I scream, you scream, we all scream then die instantly.
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Don't confuse a devil for a demon, it doesn't end well.
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Smeltable truffle pigs in the shape of centibadgers.
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Passive aggressive space weirdos prowl the void, looking for gold to have sex with.
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Here comes the Ankheg to undermine our views of intelligence and society, especially as concerns worms and farming.
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Prepare yourselves to become slime slaves to gigantic bottom feeding degenerates.
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The Aarakocra are crappy bird people with secret fingers and a penchant for cloaca-based basketry.
