Liz Jones's Diary: Recent Episodes
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For 20 years she’s been Britain’s most unfiltered columnist. Now Liz Jones has an equally outrageous podcast as she and her best friend Nic dissect her weekly diary and delve into the archives to relive the bust-ups, betrayals…and bullets
Liz and Nic are both going on holiday so the podcast is taking a break. But never fear, the pair are here this week with some of their best moments from the last few hundred episodes. Think men, fashion, animals and (sadly for Nic) Liz singing her heart out.
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Liz has found a new heroine in the Lionesses' goalkeeper Mary Earps while Nic is trying to transform herself into Davina McCall. Liz is making a pros and cons list for moving back to London, and inspired by her magazine cover at 78, the pair look back to Liz’s interview with Dame Helen Mirren.
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Liz is looking forward to her mini break with Mini the dog, and Nic's looking forward to lighting Liz's expensive candles and using all her beauty products while she's house sitting. The pair look back to Liz's ill-fated trip to Glastonbury but Liz might have to dust off her old tent if she doesn't find a house to buy soon.
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Liz finds a new movie about a female writer whose husband dislikes her writing all too familiar. Nic, after hearing from two psychics that she’s ‘let herself go’, has picked up a new hobby that she hopes will bring her mojo back. Time for her to bust out her boas! Plus, Liz explains why actually, traveling with a younger man is not the dream you’d think it’d be.
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Liz and Nic are transported back to their childhoods by a book about the writing of Black Beauty, but is the way we treat animals now any better than in the Victorian era? Liz has found the perfect dress for a wedding, but who should she take with her? Plus, Liz receives some sage relationship advice from a reader.
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Liz and Nic are celebrating the ultimate break-up song after hearing about Sinéad O’Connor’s death, plus the pair give their review of the Oppenheimer film (Nic still thinks they should have seen Barbie instead). Liz has a VIP invite, but is it really VIP if you’re filling a ‘slot’? Plus the pair look back at the time Liz faced off against Katie Price at the Cambridge Union.
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The pair are talking about Jane Birkin after news of her death this week, but Liz isn’t sure she’d be happy with all the obituaries naming the Birkin Bag as her legacy. Meanwhile, Nic’s been to see the new Mission Impossible film and can’t stop thinking about being in a Tom Cruise sandwich, and a listener has an exciting update on Liz’s financial situation…
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Liz is ready to have the final word on the disastrous date with her ex-husband. Plus the pair have an update on Mini puppy’s cancer diagnosis and Liz remembers the time she resorted to throwing a rock over Brigitte Bardot’s wall to secure an interview.
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In honour of Pride this weekend, Nic dives into a book written by a straight trans couple, offering a unique perspective intro a life so different to her own. Liz takes a look at her own struggles with her invisible disability: deafness. She looks back at the impactful performance of a deaf actress on Strictly Come Dancing back in 2021.
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Liz has been shopping and as well an oversized blazer and a Dries van Noten t-shirt she’s picked up a few pearls of shopping wisdom to share. Nic has discovered she has at least one thing in common with Jennifer Aniston, and reader Alex thinks Liz needs to see a psychic. Plus, Liz has had Botox but is worried people will think she’s being frivolous.
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After the terrible news from Nottingham, Liz and Nic are reminded of the amazing power of dogs to help people struggling with grief. Plus, Nic becomes an influencer (look out Kim Kardashian) and Liz sends a very risky text to David 1.0.
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Liz, once again, finds modern media shocking while watching Johnny Depp’s daughter star in a new series she finds problematic (to say the least). Nic helps Liz find out what ’Turkey teeth’ are before looking back at Liz’ column about the housing market that’s still all too relevant today.
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Liz finally brings Gracie home this week, but she’s backed herself into a corner (literally and metaphorically) whilst doing it. Nic has been called out by a listener over something she said in last week’s episode, and the pair look back to a very prophetic interview with Holly Willoughby in 2010.
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After last week’s news about Gracie, lots have listeners have been in touch but the pair have been trying to distract themselves; Liz with a book about troubled famous people and Nic with the new Barbie trailer (she’s a convert). Plus Liz looks back at the time she went to Marbella with the TOWIE lot and one young woman got Einstein and Frankenstein confused.
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Liz and Nic have some very sad news to share this week and listeners are getting a double bill of the column because it wouldn’t be fair to keep everyone guessing. But some things never change, and Liz has still had a ‘Miranda Priestly’ moment this week (people in Yorkshire need better taste and a better sense of humour apparently!) Plus a reader has got a LOT of questions for the pair.
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The pair are getting excited for Eurovision this weekend - Liz will be looking out for her friend Rylan but Nic misses Terry Wogan. It’s reminded Liz of the time she went to the opening of Mama Mia. The Party! in Stockholm and was told by her editor to make her review ‘more joyful’. Plus, Liz is getting closer to booking her holiday to Italy, but David throws a spanner in the works.
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Liz and Nic have finished watching Married at First Sight Australia, and discuss just how much reality TV can teach us about our own lives. Liz is planning a possible mini-break, but which David has she invited to go with her? Plus, with the Coronation coming up, Liz looks back to her interview with the designer who will be dressing Queen Camilla, Bruce Oldfield.
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Liz has come to a realisation this week, that her two great loves are horse… and Janice Dickinson. Nic has had enough of AI getting into every part of our lives which reminds Liz of the time she went to a Stanley Kubrick exhibition at the Design Museum. Plus, Liz has made a decision about White Ferrari Guy (and dating ‘normal people’ in general).
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This week Liz has her date with White Ferrari Man, but an email about her ex-husband threatens to ruin it all. The pair have been watching Obsession, a remake of Josephine Hart’s novel, Damage, and Liz is convinced her latest book is both more groundbreaking and MUCH sexier. Plus, a reader gets in touch with some words of affirmation.
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Liz is devastated that Meghan won’t be coming to the Coronation next month (but is wondering if she could maybe g in her place). Nic thinks joining Rock Choir might cheer Liz up a bit, but the suggestion doesn’t go down well, and the pair look back to Liz and her mum (and her Singer sewing machine) making fashion history.
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Liz has been reading a new book about anorexia, and is amazed by how similar the author’s experience is to her own. Plus, this week Liz took her unexpected gift in for an upgrade, but what does this mean for the man who sent it to her? And Nic is delighted when a reader compliments her singing.
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Nic has had an erotic experience (relating to Keanu Reeves and some nunchucks) and Liz has been fascinated by the Gwyneth Paltrow trial - which has made her think of the time she met the woman herself, and worked out what her company GOOP is named for. Plus, Liz has received an unexpected gift in the post but should she accept it?
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Liz and Nic are thinking about reality TV this week, after watching a documentary about Love Island’s Georgia Harrison and revenge porn - and it reminds Liz of her time in the Big Brother House. Plus, Liz has reluctantly agreed to a date with White Ferrari Guy, it is he trying to put her down already?
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Liz is looking to the Northern Lights to soothe her troubles, but which way is she supposed to face?! The pair have finally found a man they both fancy, but only Liz has spent the night with him (he thanked her for her support after!) Plus, lots of readers have been in touch with advice and support for Liz.
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Liz has not quite perfected her ‘gracious loser face’ after a disappointment at an awards ceremony, but it’s reminded her of her brush with Hollywood royalty 20 years ago at the Oscars. Nic’s been watching a new George Michale documentary, and wondering why we think celebrities owe us any of their private lives. Plus, Liz has realised the only thing that will make her truly happy is financial security (but a £9 bottle of Crémont from Lidl will have to do for now!)
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Liz and Nic consider ageism, the dumbest bigotry of all. Maybe it’s time women embrace the term ‘hag’. Some good news – Liz is no longer homeless! And in preparation for London Fashion Week, the pair look back at Liz’s column from LFW 2012. Spoilers – Liz wasn’t impressed.
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Both Liz and Nic have been to the cinema this week - but not together, Liz’s tastes are too high-brow for Nic. Liz is getting worries about Gracie (the collie) and Nic is manifesting a better future. Plus the pair delve into the podcast reviews and some listeners have not held back with their opinions!
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Nic has been to see the new Magic Mike film, and even her mother sitting next to her in the cinema didn’t ruin her enjoyment. Liz has had a terrible Tuesday (she can never return to York after that!) and the pair look back at Liz’s interview with the beautiful Raquel Welch. Plus Liz is convinced Nic’s life is a Carry On film.
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Liz is marking the passing of Burt Bacharach by performing some his greatest hits on the podcast and Nic is wondering if she can disguise one of the collies as a beagle. Liz is reminded of her interview with Imran Khan after the Pakistan earthquake in 2005, and the pair receive a very mansplain-y email.
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Liz and Nic are getting excited for the final episode of Happy Valley, but why can’t female leads be complicated and unpleasant just like men? Liz has given in to temptation and asked David 2.0 for a ‘quick’ drink, but is he really worth her time? Plus the pair have received a lot of post this week, not all of them good…
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This week’s podcast is dedicated to Madonna - finally an artist Liz and Nic both love! Liz has committed a beauty faux pas and its made her wonder about all the things she’s done just because the beauty industry (Vogue) told her too. Plus, Liz receives a rather insulting letter in the post.
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ITV have announced a ‘mature’ version of Love Island and Liz and Nic BOTH want to be on the show - Liz is planning to wow the boys with her antidotes, Nic’s hoping her bikinis will win them over. Liz is still catnip for men (she has three after her at this very moment) but wants to know why any of them think they’re good enough for her. Plus the pair get a lovely email from a listener.
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It’s Nic’s birthday so the pair are in a celebratory mood - helped along by a bit of Champagne. Liz is fending off yet another of her many admirers but Nic’s got her aim set higher, Channing Tatum to be precise. Plus with only a few tickets left for Liz’s talk, Liz has some suggestions for the types of questions she might be willing to answer in the Q&A (and no, she still won’t say who the Rock Star is!)
If you’d like to see Liz in an evening of shock confessions and hilarious anecdotes, you can find out more here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/in-conversation-with-liz-jones-tickets-491796936877?aff=ebdssbdestsearch
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Liz and Nic have been hooked by the latest revelations from Prince Harry, and it’s reminded Liz of her own troubled sibling relationship. Nic’s not had a great start to 2023 but she’s still adamant it’s going to be her year. The pair look back on the fabulous life and even more fabulous character of the late Dame Vivienne Westwood, and Liz has made a decision, no more dating men that aren’t good enough!
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It’s almost New Year’s Eve and Liz is making plans for something different in 2023 (but not in a ‘new year, new you’ kind of way). Nic is adamant that next year really is going to be their year, but Liz has heard it all before. Plus the pair look back to a disastrous NYE party with the Ex - at least if your New Year's doesn't go to plan, it won’t be as bad as that one!
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Liz and Nic are full of the joys of the season in this special festive episode of the podcast - well, except when Liz has a run-in with the delivery man. The pair have been to see Rod Stewart in concert and Nic’s decided he’s ‘a pucker geezer’. Plus lots of readers' letters.
If you’d like to see Liz and Nic live in an evening of shocking confessions and hilarious anecdotes, you can find out more here:
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/in-conversation-with-liz-jones-tickets-491796936877?aff=ebdssbdestsearch
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Liz and Nic are in a celebratory mood after getting another award nomination (they’re very high-brow don’t you know!) Liz is empathising with Meghan after the revelations in the latest Netflix documentaries but Nic’s more interested in all the ‘action’ going on in the new adaptation of Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Plus, Liz has a new man on the horizon, but should she give him a chance?
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Liz and Nic debrief after watching the new Meghan and Harry documentary - so far, no one is impressed. Liz takes the opportunity to look back at the article she wrote about Meghan writing motivational messages on bananas for sex workers. Plus, an illustration of how stupid men are when Liz has an admirer contact her through LinkedIn.
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Liz and Nic react to the racism row rocking the Palace, and get excited about the first trailer for Harry and Meghan’s new documentary. Liz has been sent an old school photograph, and seeing younger versions of herself and her sister has brought up some bad memories. Plus, all the football’s caused Liz to look back at the time she met George Best’s ex, model Angie Best, to remind herself footballers don’t always make the best husbands.
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Liz has moved on from ‘standing in her knowing’ and this week is ‘sitting in her authenticity’ - but it’s not helped her find a place for her and the collies to stay for Christmas. Nic’s indulging in her guilty pleasures (chips dipped in butter anyone?) plus the pair have been supporting a charity auction, with the help of Tracey Emin.
If you would like to find out more about the auction for Jenny, you can do so at www.jkrowbory.co.uk
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Liz has had ENOUGH of Matt Hancock on I’m a Celebrity and Nic’s been distracted by Harry Styles’s ‘front bottom’. Liz has received an unwanted email, despite the best efforts of her IT department (aka Nic) and it’s not even the worst thing to happen to her this week. Plus Liz has been reminded of the time she took a trip to Dublin to interview Bono’s wife, and wondered how she managed to fall in love with his eyes when he never takes his sunglasses off!
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Liz is copying Meghan again and ‘standing in her knowing’ this week. Everyone and everything is getting on Nic’s nerves including the new season of The Crown. Plus, Liz is looking back at the time she interviewed Boy George, and he revealed something he might now regret saying.
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Liz has been to the doctor to figure out how old she really is - apparently, facelifts and Sisley face creams don’t count. Nic has been reading a celebrity memoir and it’s just proved that being famous will never make you happy. Liz has been wondering if she would date herself and has a list of things that give her the ‘ick’. Plus a listener seems to have missed out on a joke.
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Liz and Nic are getting into the Halloween spirit this week by sharing their own encounters with the supernatural. The cold reality of the cost of living crisis has hit home for Liz, plus a survey about the benefits of dating younger men has made Liz look back at her marriage to her (much younger) husband.
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Liz has been sent an unexpected gift from New York, and luckily this time it’s NOT from a man. Nic has been to see Comedian Tom Allen, but almost didn’t make it due to a run-in with a curry. The pair are celebrating 40 years of You Magazine and Liz is looking back at all the men she’s dated. Plus a reader is wondering if Liz has any sense of self-preservation!
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Liz and Nic are taking themselves on a virtual trip to Paris this week - via the North York Moors and Albert Square! Liz is in trouble with the Rock Star after her antics in last week’s column, and the pair are totting up all the money Liz has ever spent on fashion - was really worth it?
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Liz and Nic are celebrating breaking the 1 million listens mark this week and Nic has an idea of how they should celebrate! Nic went to watch the film Don’t worry Darling and the pair give their take on ‘spit-gate’. Liz wants listeners to know her life as an award-winning journalist isn’t all glamour. Plus she looks back at one of Liz’s lowest moments.
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Liz is nostalgic for the days Boris Johnson was Prime Minister after watching This England but Nic has a bone to pick with his former Chancellor. The pair are looking back at the time Liz took on Topshop’s Philip Green, and he took her discount card away. And Liz is stuck between two guys and is wondering if either of them is good enough for her.
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Liz is picking a fight with Prada this week after they brought back super-skinny models to their runway but she’s sticking up for Holly Willoughby over Queuegate. Nic’s getting a little witch-y but will her new skills finally help her block white pepper guy from Liz’s life? The pair look back at the time Liz interviewed Spice Girl Mel C and they reveal the one thing Liz will NEVER write about… or will she?
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Liz spent a night in the queue to see the late Queen lying in state - and made a new friend along the way. She’s also been thinking about the impact fashion has had on her life - both positive and negative - and looking back to the time she went to a fashion show in Versailles. Nic has been reading a book by her favourite author, and the pair have been inundated with letters.
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Liz and Nic were recording this week’s episode when they heard the sad news of Her Majesty, The Queen’s passing. The pair share their thoughts on her life and legacy. And Liz reveals what happened after her sudden departure from her date with the Rock Star.
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Liz and Nic have been listening to Meghan Markle’s new podcast, and they think they could give the Duchess a few tips (more bickering for a start!). Nic might have found the solution to her recent illness and Liz has been reading relationship advice, but it didn’t help on her most recent ‘date’ with the Rock Star. Plus the pair look back at the time took her ex-husband to New York AFTER their break-up.
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Liz and Nic have been inspired by Deborah James’s book, How to Live, and are trying to be more positive. Liz has a meeting with her book publisher and has been to see a new house - but is she ready to start again? It’s all making Liz think about getting older, so of course this week’s archive is on the day she dressed up as the Queen!
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Liz is finally going to see the Rock Star perform, and Nic has been to see a rockstar of her own… The pair have been watching 'Marriage' on the BBC - and Liz thinks it’s too close to her own life. Liz looks back at her wedding day, and wishes she’s spent less, or not bothered at all… and a reader’s been in touch from Tuscany - Liz and Nic are a bit jealous!
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Liz has got a text from a rock star - and it’s not the usual one! Nic’s mum has been unwell, but they've both made the best of a bad situation, and a reader's been in touch with some hot celebrity gossip. Plus, Liz is remembering her talented brother, Nick.
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A reader’s been in touch with some ‘helpful’ suggestions for Liz, and Nic’s been trying to scare herself. Gracie the collie's been a bit under the weather and Liz thinks it’s all the change going on in her life - it’s not good for either of them. Plus, the pair have received some embarrassing date stories from readers.
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Liz has been watching the Lionesses and has developed a surprising crush on one of the commentators. Meanwhile, Nic has been to see a new play staring Jodie Comer, and it’s brought up somethings from her past. Liz had an embarrassing moment on her recent date with the Rock Star, and now feels a new affinity to Gracie the Collie. Plus, the pair look back at Liz’s worst date ever!
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This week’s themes are breakup songs and Liz hates everybody. She and Nic discuss the books they’ve been reading this week. Nic recounts a traumatic experience from when she was a young girl and Liz realises she actually feels quite sorry for Meghan Markle. Plus, a listener thinks Liz should keep her philanderous escapades out of the ears of impressionable women.
Click the link below to sponsor Nic in her 5 day fast to raise money for Animal Hope Uganda!
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Liz is recording this week’s podcast in a bikini because it’s so hot, and Nic has some tips for keeping pets cool in the heat. Liz has been preparing for David’s visit to the Dales (her to-do list includes buying white pepper and getting an extreme wax) but David has other ideas. Plus, a reader has some advice for Nic, don’t give up the day job!
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Liz and Nic have been watching events in Downing Street, and Liz is half expecting Boris to launch into the speech from Love Actually. The pair welcome new listeners with a Podcast Glossary, and remembers the time she made Jeremy Hunt blush. Plus, Liz is at it again, with two men on the go at once!
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This week Liz has decided to be more Gemma (from Love Island) and demand the respect she deserves, while Nic is finding happiness in the small things. The pair look back to the time Liz went to Glastonbury, and wonder if anyone is really enjoying it, or just pretending. Plus, a listener is questioning if Liz has really only had three and a half men in her life, or is missing a few off the list…
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Liz and Nic have been to the cinema to see the new George Michael documentary, but when Nic showed up late and no-one got Liz’s ‘Annie Hall’ reference, Liz wasn’t impressed. David and Liz have been ‘vex-ting’ (that’s texting whilst vexed) but might it be for the final time? And lots of listeners have been in touch with advice, ranging from hair loss to why Liz really shouldn’t be using bath oils…
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Nic’s been to see Ed Sheeran in concert, and the older ladies in the crowd were having A LOT more fun than the youngsters. The pair discuss the benefits of ageing (namely no longer caring what other people think), and Liz is waiting to hear back from the Rock Star after their dinner in the Dales.
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Liz and Nic have been watching Love Island, and it’s inspired them to rank their top three men ever. The Jubilee celebrations reminded Liz of a time she met a world-famous opera singer, and gave her another glimpse of her muse, Meghan. Plus, Liz finally got to lunch with the rockstar, but it didn’t quite go to plan.
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Liz and Nic are getting into the Jubilee spirit, but Liz is only excited about catching a glimpse of Meghan through the window. The pair discuss authors who get embarrassed writing sex scenes, and look back at when Liz became a mother for a day… she lost the baby and treated the 8 year old like her husband. Plus, Liz’s girl friend has come to stay, and Liz is just glad to be spending time with someone normal (ie. not a man!)
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There a cheekbones theme to this week’s podcast with Liz lusting after Morten Harket and Jonny Depp… but Nic is more interested in Tom Cruise after watching the new Top Gun. Liz is contemplating marriage as a solution to her house problem, but then she remembers she’s Lizzie Jones, not Bennet. And Nic has had some lovely letters from readers about her beloved dog, Charlie.
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This week, Liz expresses her frustration with self-indulgent youth and Nic opens up about the recent loss of her fluffy companion. The couple are both feeling quite old as they reflect on this month's edition of Vogue which has Kate Moss's daughter on the cover. Also, a look back on the time Lynn Barber did a profile on Liz for the Sunday Times magazine.
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This week, Liz prepares her body with a fake tan for a music festival, where she suspects she might be a place-holder for a former star who needs a plus one. The couple discuss the many things Liz has in common with a certain high-profile defendant. Also, a look back at the inside of a ‘modest’ football WAG’s luxurious lifestyle.
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This week, Liz is ‘having the time of her life’ and Nic can’t stop thinking about Patrick Swayze. Some bad news Liz hoped she’d avoided has just landed, and the pair look back at Liz’s first home (complete with Laura Ashley wallpaper). Plus, a reader helps put things in perspective.
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Liz and Nic have a few thoughts on Angela Rayner and leg-gate. Liz is bringing back Joans Moans, and her sights are set on jobsworths. Plus, Liz has returned to Pineapple studios, and it’s bringing back some memories, both good and bad.
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Liz finally has some good news this week. In honour of getting approved for a mortgage, she looks back at her life through the lens of her various London properties. The pair also wonder when ‘victim’ became a dirty word. Plus, Liz reflects on the impact her pets have left on her.
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It’s all about confidence this week for Liz and Nic. Liz has been reading a new book, Confidence Culture, and it’s made her realise she was never bold enough to get what she wanted in life. The pair look back at the hardest column Liz has ever had to write, and Nic has set herself a new challenge for the week ahead. Plus, readers had a strong reaction to last week’s column, but Liz isn’t keen on their advice.
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Liz has decided to be brave, and find out what her ex-husband’s been writing about their sex life in a national newspaper. Naturally, she has a thing or two to say about it. The pair wonder why men are only happy in a relationship when they're getting their own way, and Nic has an update on the fundraising for Ukrainian animals.
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Liz and Nic are celebrating Gracie’s birthday - but wonder whether they should be counting her age in ruined sofas rather than years. The pair discuss that slap at the Oscars and Liz has had a rude awakening from a certain man. Plus, Liz has some wedding advice for a listener.
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Martin has given Nic a Valentine's present... just a pity it was Covid-19. Liz and Nic are talking breast augmentation - and how Liz got through an entire marriage without taking her top off. Meanwhile, Liz is talking about mother's day - and why her Mum's life put her off having children.
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Liz and Nic are apart this week, because Nic's other half has Covid - which Liz says ties in neatly with this week's theme, that everything's a man's fault. Liz has been in a Twitter spat again, and has had some bad news - but her usual tactic of thinking about Nigel doesn't seem to be working. Meanwhile, a reader has written in to ask about Liz's secrets (and she reveals one she's never talked about...)
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Liz is worried about the fact that sales assistants on cosmetic counters are now saying, ‘Do you want to apply some NOW?’ when she walks up - and is finding looking in the mirror more stressful than her MRI scan. Lots of readers have written in after Gracie the dog collapsed last week - and Nic’s dog Boris (not named after the PM) is in the doghouse again. Meanwhile, Liz is talking about women who inspired her, like Mary Berry and wondering why everything she cooks turns into a biscuit - even rice pudding.
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It's safe to listen to the podcast this week - as Liz has announced that she is retiring from singing (much to Nic's delight). Nic is enjoying out-of-body experiences, thanks to an astral projection course - and Liz is wondering whether she would still have her fiance if she'd not written about him in her column (and broke the fourth wall, Fleabag-style), and just griped behind his back like a normal person.
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Liz is back from her trip to London Fashion Week - but where she wasn’t very impressed! Meanwhile, Nic is reading '30 Things I love About Myself’ and struggling to write her own list. Plus, readers get in touch about hair loss and unappreciative partners, and Liz and Nic reminisce about that time Liz met a tweenage Justin Bieber.
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Nic is having a bad week, she's lost her voice and her boyfriend forgot to book a table for Valentines' Day, but Liz is pretty sure her's has been worse. The pair have been watching This is Going to Hurt, and want to know why the feminists aren't as outraged about animals mums as they seem to be about fictional human ones. Plus, Liz has realised why she was single in her prime, turns out dressing like Adam Ant isn't the best way to get a boyfriend, even in the '80s.
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Liz is looking forward to a single Valentine’s day this year, where she can enjoy a triple bill of Keira Knightley without cries of, ‘I can’t stand anything with bonnets!’ Meanwhile, Liz is remembering the time she met Prince after seeing him 17 days in a row at Wembley, and Nic is reading a book in an attempt to understand men... but will it reveal why they always put empty bottles back in the fridge?
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Liz and Nic are talking about THAT pair of pieces this week (the one where Liz wrote about faking orgasms, then her ex-husband joined in). Liz didn’t read her husband’s bit, as she's practicing self-care, but spent days asking Nic, ‘What did he say?’ instead. Meanwhile, Liz is contemplating unblocking her ex just to talk about Paul McCartney - and listeners have been writing in to talk about their worst-ever dates (but can they compete with Liz’s one where the guy went to the bar and never came back?)
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With 105 podcast episodes under their belt, Liz and Nic have definitely outpaced Harry and Meghan (who’ve done one in two years). This week, our hosts have been enjoying some winter walks, but they’re not peaceful like they are on television - it’s screaming, panic and pockets full of sausages (but Nic would like to make clear that Boris the dog isn’t named after THAT Boris). Meanwhile, the photographer whose wheelie bin Liz disapproved of has been in touch… and Liz is remembering some dating disasters, like the time her beau did a number two below decks on a small boat in Thailand.
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Liz used to have a column called ‘Jones moans’ and this week she’s got a moan: about how no one ever sticks up for her (even when people say horrible things about her dogs). Meanwhile, LIz and Nic are discussing Matt Hancock’s torso (and why men SHOULD be ashamed about their ugly T-shirt arms) - and Liz is remembering that time she went to the Dorchester and got into Bruce Willis’s bath…
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Someone (a fellow award-winning writer) has criticised And Just Like That for showing that women get old and frail - and Liz wonders if she’s the only one who sees that life really is hard. Meanwhile, Nic is fantasising about marrying a vet (or at the very least Graham Hall off Dogs Behaving Very Badly) and Liz is wondering whether the reason she can’t close the book on the past is that she has to dredge it up again and again for her archive column…
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The word of the week this week is ‘blocked’, after Nic’s boyfriend disgraced himself on New Year - and Liz got a VERY peculiar response by text when she sent a gift of a box-fresh iPhone 13. Meanwhile, Liz is feeling sympathy for Novak Djokovic and remembering the time she went back to her old school … and realised she was the only one who wasn’t married.
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Liz and Nic are setting their New Years resolutions, but how do they compare to the ones Liz made back in 2007? Nic is recovering from being offered hair dye as a Christmas present but Liz's Christmas might just have been worse. She's splashed out on a gift for the Ex but what did he get her in return and why does the box resemble cat ashes?!
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It’s the 100th episode of the podcast and Liz and Nic are celebrating. Nic’s getting excited for Christmas dinner at her Mums, but Liz has turned down an invite to join them. It’s rescue dog Teddie’s first Christmas (well real Christmas as he’s technically had a few already) and Liz is starting to realise why she gets on so much better with animals than humans. Plus, Liz provides a handy guide to exactly what the gift from your partner REALLY means.
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There’s a new man in Liz’s life - but this time, she’s not waxed or even plucked in preparation. The big question, of course, is will the other border collies be jealous of Ted? Liz is reminiscing about the time she visited a homeless centre (and realised that all of us are just a few steps away from being on the streets ourselves) - and celebrating having raised £20,000 for Jenny, who was left unable to move by Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). Meanwhile, Nic is wrangling with a lateral flow test - but does ‘C’ stand for ‘coronavirus’?
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Liz was feeling a bit sorry for herself (and thinking she was going to have to buy a hat). But then she got a letter from a reader who described how her daughter Jenny has been left unable to watch TV or even wash. Jenny can't move her neck as it would cause massive damage that would kill her. Liz says her story made her realise her own life isn't so bad - and hopes that she and her listeners can help. www.Gofundme.com/savejenny
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There have been two ‘Miranda Priestly’ moments this week, including a late-night call where Liz asked Nic, ‘I’ve got an assistant, why am I booking trains?’ Liz is wondering how people manage a normal Christmas, why she isn’t married to Liam Neeson - and how women actually manage to rustle up a meal every night (tricky considering Liz only has Pellegrino and pomegranate in the fridge). Meanwhile, Liz is talking about the one person from her past who truly supports her - her loyal London cleaner.
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Liz’s spell seems to have worked: the movie star has emailed, and Liz has sent a message so outrageous she worries she has ‘lost it’ - but will he reply? Meanwhile, Nic has started to turn off her phone notifications after 7pm, and Liz is preparing to do the same so she can spend some quality time with Paul McCartney. Liz reminisces about the time Gordon Ramsay tried to teach her to cook - but she asked him if he thought the pasta had had long enough to boil…
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Liz thinks that this week’s column should be re-titled ‘In which I have all the sex’, after her hotel encounter turned very steamy last week (even although her Romeo nearly spoiled it all by making a smear with a lemon while making a G&T and failing to shave his eyebrows). Meanwhile, Nic has been for a Tarot reading (but Liz is mainly wondering whether she will start getting up on time...)
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Has Liz Jones crossed the line this time? Some readers certainly think so - but Liz is reminiscing about that time she dated a model (one of the three-and-a-half men in her life) - and how it was similar to the ‘modelisers’ in Sex and the City. Liz has emailed a man for no-strings sex, but is making time for dinner with a friend first, and is musing on how she’s like George Michael - she just gave anything to anyone who asked (even including a Louis Vuitton suitcase!)
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Liz has sent an email to a man she chastely spent the night with circa 1978 (who has now given up being a film star)... and is so excited she's ordered a milky tank top. Liz is talking about THAT piece again, the one where she admitted to trying to steal her husband's sperm, and says that you've got to start young if you want to be a writer, because you have to keep records of all the men you've slept with. But is Liz's total really just three and a half?
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It’s Halloween and Liz and Nic are getting in the spirit of things. Liz has spotted a ghost from her own past and wants to get back in touch. Nic has a new man in her life, he’s big, stubborn, and called Boris (no not that one!) Plus, Liz looks back to the first time she met Nigel - should she have had a drink with him when he asked?
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Liz is trying to bring a bit of balance this week and is listing all the times she was terrible to men (like the time she asked a boyfriend where his proper shoes were in front of the Maitre d') - but actually, weren't the men worse? Nic has done a charity skydive, and might be about to become a dog parent again - meanwhile Liz is thinking back to her husband and all HIS faults (such as being windy in the bottom area and never opening his post).
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Liz’s phone has been going off non-stop - readers have sighted ‘the Hunk’, photographer Nigel, on Married at First Sight Australia. But Nigel is looking disturbingly well-fed - has he remarried? Meanwhile, a new book is offering Liz and Nic some (terrible) tips on love after 50 - and Liz is reminiscing about the time when she was sent out to report on an earthquake... and arrived wearing flip-flops.
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This week’s column reads like it’s Liz’s swan song, her last column ever… which probably means that all her rivals (and all her exes) are cheering. Meanwhile, Liz has looked up the vegetarian photographer’s house on Google Earth to assess his wealth - but is trying to cancel their date, because she’s a bit like Picasso (and if you don’t like the art, don’t date the artist). But then he sends her a very surprising text about a Myla thong…
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Sometimes it’s easier to get a new man than a new pair of shoes, Liz muses, as she prepares for a date with a vegetarian photographer (who won’t have seen her Louboutin shoe boots, so she can pretend they are new). The photographer is five foot six, but he has already promised he won't ghost or block her, so there’s that. Meanwhile, Liz and Nic have been watching Bond - but Liz only watches Bond for one reason (the fashion) and she is feeling badly let down...
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It’s Liz’s birthday and there’s nothing she’d like more than to be walking into a hotel room and finding a bottle of champagne, and a man (both sweating lightly) - but instead, the only emails she’s got are one from a tandoori restaurant and one from her printer saying it can’t connect to the Wi-Fi. Meanwhile, Liz is trying to book tickets for herself (and reader Cheryl) for the front row at the fashion shows, but the whole fashion industry seems to have turned its back on her - is it all down to what she said 20 years ago?
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It’s been quite a week: the trolls are out in force, hunting Liz down for a headline on a piece she wrote a decade ago about Amy Winehouse (who Liz feels an affinity with). Don’t they realise she doesn’t actually write the headlines? Meanwhile, Nic has belatedly made the discovery that Keith Lemon isn’t a real person - and Liz has had a call from the ‘Ex Ex’ to say that he’s now seeing someone. But is he just calling to show off?
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Liz has had a visit to the doctor to talk about her brain scan - and let’s just say she won’t be clapping for the NHS next time if there’s another lockdown. Liz has watched the Anthony Hopkins dementia drama ‘The Father’ and is thinking back to her Mum’s death - and Nic has made a truly terrible mistake and attempted to buy Liz some Zara trousers as a birthday present. Meanwhile, a big postbag this week - as readers and listeners chime in to say what they really think of Liz’s ex-husband…
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Be warned: this is a special extra strength episode, and Liz’s carpenter actually started looking quite scared while Liz and Nic were recording. The reason? Liz has given in and is responding to THAT piece by her ex-husband in a typically no-holds-barred fashion, including rants about infidelity, Rolex watches and women with Neanderthal brows. Meanwhile, the postman has brought round Liz’s award for Columnist of the Year, and when Liz said, ‘That’s taken 40 years,’ he replied, ‘Oh, we’re not normally THAT bad…’
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Liz is coming to terms with the fact that she may never have sex again (based on what’s happened on her last few dates). But she is coming round to the fact that there may be some upsides to a man-free future (like they won’t lick all her face cream off, or expect ‘birthday sex’). Meanwhile, there’s a bumper postbag this week, as readers have some VERY strong opinions about Liz’s date ‘Tarzan’ who sent a picture of himself emerging from some reeds…
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Liz has been on the staycation from Hell (just don’t remind her about the spinach tortelloni) and is plotting to take her revenge on TripAdvisor. Meanwhile, a new man looms on the horizon, with a half-naked photo of himself emerging from some reeds (although he hasn’t done himself any favours by suggesting that Liz might like to stay in a Premier Inn). But is the smooth internet Romeo all that he seems?
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Liz is off on holiday, but sadly, Liz and holidays don’t really mix - like the time she hired a car on holiday and spent two days practising the drive back to the airport, or that other one where she went on holiday with her ex… and he refused to go outside. Nic has been to an 80s night (but Liz says she has no right to claim it as 'her' era). Meanwhile, the haters are out in force after Liz’s fat-suit stunt… and this time, they’re getting to her.
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Liz's ex husband has written about their marriage in a national newspaper, and Liz is plotting her revenge. Nic is thinking of getting a tattoo, but Liz isn't impressed with her choice... and Liz reveals what happened when the ex ex turned up at her hotel uninvited - can he redeem himself after their disastrous dinner date?
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Liz and Nic are back and this week it’s all about hair, why is it so important, and why do hair dressers even ask if you want a massage? (Of course you do!). Liz looks back at her Sex in the City inspired trip to Paris, and decides she would have enjoyed it more if she’d gone alone. Plus, Liz has an unexpected visitor at her hotel, so should she let him in?
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Liz has decided her life is just like The Devils Wears Prada, she’s Miranda Priestly (obviously) and Nic is assistant Andy - but what odd request did she have to fulfil this week? Liz went to dinner at her favourite restaurant with the ex ex … and wishes she hadn’t bothered. Plus Liz and Nic look back at the moment Liz finally asked for a divorce.
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Liz has won Columnist of the Year - which is a good thing, as she was planning to retire and live on benefits if she didn’t. She says that contrary to popular wisdom, it really isn’t the taking part that counts - it’s the winning, as her columns about extreme waxing, pedicures and the mysterious 'P' beat all the ones about Brexit, Covid and the climate crisis. Meanwhile, Liz has stepped out in a size 46 ‘empathy suit’ to see what life is like for obese people - but some people REALLY aren’t happy about the photo shoot…
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Liz has been watching football - and Gareth Southgate's team have achieved the impossible and made Liz nostalgic for watching football with her husband. Liz is remembering her first editor’s letter at Marie Claire - and says that her column this week is going to shock people, as she finally learns to stop being anxious about not being good enough, and not having hair like Meghan, and makes peace with just being OK (and watching telly on her iPad).
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After Liz’s very disappointing date, she’s made a decision: men just don’t deserve her. So Liz and Nic have been distracting themselves with Love Island - Liz thinks we can all learn a lesson or two from the carefree contestants while Nic just likes looking at the ‘crumpet’. Plus, Liz looks back at the time her husband made her cry over coffee beans and Nic discovers Liz has gone viral on TikTok.
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It’s the fallout after Cambridge Man stood Liz up with no warning in central London - but having spent £500 on spa treatments and train tickets, Liz manages to find another date within 30 minutes (although it doesn’t exactly go to plan…) Meanwhile, Nic is remembering an old breakup (and Sinead O’Connor) - and Liz is having a flashback to the fitness-obsessed eighties, when she bought so much Lycra she had to cut up her credit card.
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Even by the standards of Liz’s tangled love life, this week is a bombshell, with Liz waiting in a restaurant for the Cambridge Man - when her phone buzzes, and it all goes wrong. With the Cambridge Man now rebranded as 'sat nav man', Liz wonders why disastrous men are always so expensive. Meanwhile, she reminisces (not coincidentally) about the time when she spent £23,000 booking a holiday on a tropical island - then split up with her husband on the first day.
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It’s been a colourful week: Nic has been riding a sheep backwards (‘How is the sheep?’, frets Liz) and Liz is dealing with a jellyfish attack (not the kind you find in the sea). Meanwhile, Liz is getting ready for her second date with the Cambridge man and hasn’t gone TOO over the top (she hasn’t even had Botox), and has picked a Soho House hotel, where all the biggest events in her life happen. But just at the crucial moment, her phone buzzes…
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Liz has been reading the final Fifty Shades of Grey book and wonders why women like it so much - Nic thinks it's because they crave a real man, but end up with overgrown teenagers like her boyfriend. And Liz looks back to the time her husband had one job, to book the airport transfer, and still couldn’t do it right. Plus a reader has some rather personal advice for Liz…
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Liz is making plans for a second date with the Cambridge man, and it’s all feeling a little bit like an audition (but is sex really just something you have to get over with, ‘like measles’?) Meanwhile, Liz and Nic are talking Friends - and Liz says that she watched the reunion... and just saw herself. Liz casts her mind back to the first row she ever had with her ex-husband - and remembers the worst celebrity interviewee she ever endured (Justin Bieber, aged 13).
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Liz’s date has said that he wants to kiss her… but only if she has her Covid jab. Is he being a bit bossy? Meanwhile, Nic has also been out for an evening in the real world (shame it was only for pints in the Black Lion). Liz is very keen to inform all listeners that her novel is finally available to buy in a bookshop - and Nic has a good guess which character she inspired: ‘Is it the fat one?’
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Liz has said something she hasn’t said in about twenty years - ‘I’ve met a man I like’ - but how will he feel about being written about? Liz promises he’ll get ‘good reviews unless he’s naughty’. Meanwhile, Liz and Nic are chatting about why it’s easier just to do everything, rather than leaving it to men who’ll only get it wrong - and Liz is reminiscing about the time she met Donald Trump and the CIA ended up blowing up her Yves Saint Laurent dress in case it was a bomb.
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Liz doesn’t mind admitting that this week’s column is absolutely fantastic (but then she has been writing for 45 years, and it takes practice). Liz has met her ‘ex ex’, the Rock Star, but it hasn’t gone exactly to plan (even after she spent two days preparing, including ensuring all the loo paper was suitably pointy). Meanwhile Nic has been loving Jane Fallon’s new book - where the moral of the story is that dogs are always better than men.
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Liz is double-parking for the first time in years (and we’re not talking about traffic here), but she has a very strict list of rules for her suitors - including whether they ask about her wall-hanging, and whether they bring a dog poo bag along with them. Liz has had one of her episodes, which means she’s been lying on her back screaming, ‘Nic’ - and Nic is dealing with a horrific event of her own, as she has been invited on a trip… and it’s in a tent.
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Liz has always been a cat lady, but is now wondering whether Minstrel might have been her last one. She is looking forward to an actual, real-world lunch date - but Nic has some questions, including whether Liz’s high-heeled wedding shoes are a sensible choice of footwear (especially when Liz plans to bring three collies with her). Meanwhile, Liz and Nic answer some questions from readers… including Liz’s favourite word (it’s ‘yes’, of course).
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Liz is moving on from Zoom sex to an actual,, real-world date - but is there enough time for her beauty routine? Nic is laughing after getting an email describing her as a ‘podcast star’, when she’s usually up to her knees in several different kinds of animal poo. Liz is marvelling at the Queen’s ability to bounce back from grief (and remembering how resilient her own mother was). Meanwhile, Liz is remembering how she predicted the pandemic (and Nic is making plans to jump out of an aeroplane).
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Nic has signed up for skydiving but is worried she might kill the instructor, and has also admitted she had a crush on a psychic medium. Liz is reading a book on the history of Vogue, including how they once blew seven million dollars on one snowy photo shoot, and is wondering why the authors of these books are never called Tracey (or Liz for that matter). Meanwhile, Liz and Nic are both very, very angry at the fact that Louise Zissman’s had a ‘reunion’ with her horse… after having it stuffed by a taxidermist.
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Liz has had a steamy Zoom encounter with the ‘ex ex’ (although he had to find his glasses first, and failed to notice Liz’s carefully curated bookshelf in the background). Meanwhile, it’s Gracie the dog’s birthday, so Liz and Nic have popped the champagne to reminisce about 12 years of stress urine and chewed seat belts. Liz is thinking about her incredibly high standards (and wondering whether anyone else on Earth actually uses wheelie bin liners).
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Nic’s day hasn’t begun well: she has stood on a squishy mouse that her cat left inside her slipper... but Liz is mainly horrified that she wears slippers from Next. Liz is remembering when she spotted her perfect house and then bought it (it was around time she went out for a curry and it turned her veneers bright green). Meanwhile, Liz’s new man has noticed that, not coincidentally, she wants to see him the day AFTER spas reopen (which has made Liz worry he might be a woman in disguise).
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Liz and Nic are talking about an awful week for women (and Nic is remembering how police failed to help with her stalker). Meanwhile, Liz has been the subject of yet another Twitter pile-on after suggesting that she’d like to meet a man who can pay his own way (after all, the only thing her ex-husband paid for was to have the fish tank cleaned, once). But does she really have the time to ‘break in’ a new man - when they’re all too likely to commit such crimes as upsetting the duvet or (even worse) turning the big light on?
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Liz is thinking back wistfully to all the things she’s lost this week (mainly Rolex watches and Manolo Blahnik shoes). Meanwhile, Nic is getting ready for the award ceremony - but why does the dress she ordered make her look like Miss Havisham dressed in granny’s net curtains? Liz remembers the time she became the Meghan Markle of the fashion industry - by pulling back the curtain and revealing all the freebies going round, (like that Gucci wicker lounge chair).
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Liz and Nic are celebrating the fact that the podcast has been nominated for a Press Award. Nic’s been offered the vaccine, but Liz is mainly worried about whether she’ll be off the next day (and can she work with one arm?) Liz is delving into her box of memorabilia and finds a letter from Bridget Jones creator Helen Fielding - and is feeling sorry for Meghan Markle, because she heard the allegations about her sending 5am emails to her staff, and thought, ‘That’s me!’
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Liz has some important advice for the men in her life (but Nic just wants to know why men love carpet so much). Liz and Nic are loving Married at First Sight, and it's making Liz wonder - why do men want so little from relationships, when women want it all? Meanwhile, Liz reveals the truth behind her most controversial column (the one about the condoms).
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Is the podcast ruining Liz's life? Every weekend, she faces a torrent of abuse - and this week, the new man has been spooked by something she said. Nic is worrying about jumpsuits, and Liz has had a lot of support after rejecting a man over his dodgy window frames. Meanwhile, Liz explains why she thinks Jeremy Vine is a jellyfish.
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Liz has watched a documentary on 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' writer Truman Capote - and thinks she and Truman both have the same problem... they betray their friends for their writing. Meanwhile, Nic has been having a session with a mindfulness guru - and Liz has been ghosted by a man after she compared him to a stalker on the podcast. Men can never handle it, Liz muses, thinking of the time she went to dinner with the rockstar, and he hated it when people kept coming up saying, ‘Oh, are you Liz Jones?’
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Liz Jones is dealing with a lot of jellyfish this week… and not the ones that live in the sea. Meanwhile, Nic makes a startling confession about how she cheered up a sick grandmother (clue: it involved a stripper and lots of oil). Meanwhile, a fan messages Liz to say he’s looked up her location on Google Earth… but he just wants to deliver a hamper.
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Nic is doing a tarot reading for Liz to work out what will happen with Nigel (and does that card really mean marriage?) There are a lot of letters from suitors this week - but Liz can’t cope with one man’s weird barn conversion windows, or the fact that he has a villa in Spain. Maybe (as a reader suggests) she should just settle down with a man who is a little bit like Nic?
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Liz Jones and Nic are celebrating the one-year anniversary of the podcast - but Liz is wondering who went into her Wikipedia entry and put in that her year of birth was 1948. Nic has been in touch with a psychic animal communicator who has ‘taken a reading’ of her dog Charlie - and found out what Charlie thinks of Nic’s boyfriend. Meanwhile Liz is reminiscing about a date from 1999 where she may have made too much effort… as she re-turfed her lawn before he came for dinner.
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Liz is glad to have some good news at last - not the coronavirus vaccine, but the return of Sex and the City, a show she says 'saved her life'. Liz and Nic are arguing over Twitter - and Liz is wondering why she always gets men who are completely indifferent, or stalkers, and never anything in between. Liz reminisces about the time she dated a beautiful male model with great interior design sense - but there was just one tiny problem...
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Liz announces she has given up alcohol... but Nic replies, 'Again?' Liz has had a blast from the past - a former flatmate who’s now a famous actor has followed her on Twitter (although she hasn’t messaged back). Liz muses on the friends she’s lost because of her job (but says it’s mainly because she’s so successful at it). Both Liz and Nic are looking forward to travelling again… but Liz explains why she prefers work trips to holidays.
If you want to donate to help Rosie the Staffie, you can find more information here:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/rosies-life-saving-treatment
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Liz and Nic have been listening to Harry and Meghan's podcast, and it's safe to say they are not fans. Liz says 'It's like Gwyneth Paltrow on Valium!' Liz spent Christmas day on her own, and is refusing to even contemplate any sort of 'New Year, New You'. Meanwhile, the Mystery Man gets in touch - but has he already broken the golden rule and told Liz what to write in her column?
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Liz Jones has been getting a lot of messages from random men this week, and Nic is wondering whether this could possibly be related to Liz's recent revelation that she has not had sex for a year. Liz reminisces tearfully over how kind Stella Tennant was when she met her 15 years ago. Meanwhile, there's a text from the Mystery Man - although it just says, 'What junction are you off?'
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It's safe to say that Liz and Nic's Christmas Zoom party went off with a bang (well, after Liz made Nic take off her sparkly shoes at the door!) - and you can listen to the best bits here. Fizz was quaffed, lots of money was raised for lost Greek dogs and Liz and Nic faced some VERY penetrating questions from readers, including Nic’s tips on how to seduce the right kind of toyboy, and Liz’s advice for beating the blues (even if you’ve just been made bankrupt).
If you'd like to help support Chrisa and her shelter, you can find out more here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/rebuild-flood-damage-at-chrisas-stray-rescue
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Liz is reminiscing about a life in handbags (especially the year she got given 22 of them) and realising that she hasn’t had sex for a whole year. But can she be bothered breaking in a new man (which she says is like training a new puppy). Meanwhile. Liz and Nic are finalising plans for next week’s Zoom podcast party: if Liz has enough champagne, might she blurt out the real identity of ‘the rock star’ live on camera?
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Liz is planning a Christmas party on Zoom (and reminding Nic that she can’t actually be the one who wins the vegan cake in the auction), while reminiscing about the time Phliip Green spotted her at a party and snarled, ‘Who let you in?’ Nic is worried that she is turning into her grandmother, and Liz is worried that she might be swept away on the tide while wild swimming. Meanwhile, as a reader suggests someone who might overlook Liz’s eccentricities and become the ‘new David’, she asks, ‘What eccentricities?’
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Someone has come up to Liz in a shop and offered her 20 pence, and this has prompted some soul-searching about her grooming regime - will she still be folding herself into a pretzel for an ‘Extreme Hollywood’ when she’s 70? There’s a tale of two Davids this week (the usual one, and, of course, David Cassidy). Liz and Nic are talking sex - is it just another item on Liz’s to-do list? It tends to be a messy affair, and LIz really, really doesn’t like mess...
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Liz and Nic are making plans for a Christmas party on Zoom (and listeners are invited to what Liz says is the one party where she won’t tell you not to touch the light switches or use the loo). Liz is still recovering from ‘cookergate’ with David, and resolving in future to make less effort and ‘just have a shower’ instead of dressing up. Plus, Liz reminisces about the time she accosted Helen Mirren… and got some very useful advice.
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David has come round, but has only lasted three hours, 'and not in a good way', after a disagreement over a Smeg fridge. Liz is reminiscing about the time David abducted the cat and wondering why, as a recovering anorexic, she's becoming addicted to Nigella. Meanwhile, Nic is making plans for Christmas, and has invited Liz over. Sadly, Liz has said no.
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Liz has some questions about bodily fluids and support bubbles, as both she and Nic prepare for Lockdown 2 (but will Liz's plan to do wild swimming instead of HRT really happen?) Liz is looking on the bright side: at least there's no Christmas parties this year (as she remembers the festive bash when David spat out a canapé... and the one when she misheard something John Travolta said, and he ran away).
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There’s a bottle of gin at Liz’s house, which can only mean one thing… a certain man has been to stay. Naturally, Nic has helped herself to a couple of glasses, and she and Liz have a very frank discussion about why the menopause is liberating (and sex is best in your sixties). Meanwhile, Liz is looking back to a 2006 column when she was ‘addicted’ to hacking into her husband’s email - and found a series of VERY compromising messages…
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Liz is sick of people being rude to her (not to mention people who dare to say the ‘F’ word in front of her collie). Meanwhile, Nic is struggling to be the Tigger to Liz’s Eeyore this week - and not taking kindly to a doctor’s suggestion she reduces stress by cutting the number of animals she’s looking after. Liz, meanwhile, is having a look at some historical Royal underwear - and wondering if being a perfectionist EVER makes you happy.
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Liz has got the champagne out and is reminiscing about the time she won a beauty contest in Essex wearing a boiler suit (and how she and NIc are proud to be Essex girls, because at least they make an effort). The ‘love square’ has got even more complicated, after Liz polled listeners to find out which suitor she should go with (and got a VERY surprising result). Meanwhile, David has a suggestion for Liz’s column… could he be called Gordon instead?
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The two men in Liz's 'love square' have both bought her a candle this week - but the mysterious P's is much bigger than David's (which has a mere one wick to P's four). Meanwhile, Nic has had a disastrous date night where she spends an evening driving around Middlesbrough and dinner is a Magnum ice lolly. Nic and Liz muse on the failures in their lives, with Liz revisiting moments from being made bankrupt, to going to bed alone on her wedding night (and waking up alone the next day).
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Liz is pondering one of the big questions: why is it that all the men in her life seem so surprised when they become the subject of one of her columns? And why is her latest love interest ‘P’ so very cross about the one where she called him ‘needy’? Meanwhile, Liz is very angry about newspaper pieces which portray life in the country as being like Emmerdale - and Nic is trying to go cold turkey on her Apple habit.
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Liz has accidentally texted her new column not, as she thought, to her loyal assistant Nic, but to her new love interest ‘P’ (who is, awkwardly, the main subject of the column). But can she actually have a date if it’s been more than a week and a half since her last ‘Extreme Hollywood’ - and why is P making jokes about her age? Meanwhile, Liz and Nic reminisce about an awful birthday trip to Ramsgate where Liz's lover showed up too ill to have sex - and her present was a Biro from a museum gift shop.
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The theme of today’s hilarious new podcast is conflict. Is there anyone in her life Liz hasn’t had a huge fight with? Could she start a fight in an empty room? Currently reeling from the boyfriend-binning barney that has cooled ‘the shortest relationship in history’, Liz is struggling to see the point of her assistant Nic’s new positive attitude towards men – even though it’s already reaping some sexy results. (The guy she met on the dogwalk even has teeth!). Tune in as they debate paying for dinner dates, whether or not sex is ever worth it, and how on earth Liz managed to terrify Justin Timberlake.
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The week's big news is Liz's date with the mysterious P, who arrives bringing a huge blue box, and presented Liz with a difficult choice: champagne, or a dog walk in wellies? But can Liz cope with being in a 'love square'? Meanwhile, Liz is furious after falling victim to a Twitter pile-on after a very innocent question about someone's clothes, and Nic visits a medium... but things don't go exactly to plan.
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Two unexpected messages have arrived: a selfie from the mysterious 'P', and a postcard with a dog, which Liz is trying not to over-think (until she debates whether to call in a handwriting expert). Liz can't work out which she's more nervous about - her date with 'P', or showing off her body to her spa therapist. Liz and Nic debate the secret of a succesful date - but is it really just, 'Bring a dog'?
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Liz is making a statement with her facewear as she and her ever-faithful sidekick Nic tackle the big questions of the week, like should men be allowed to use emojis and is it ever ok to lie about your age? Find out which member of boyband JLS Liz managed to pick a fight with on TV and what new hobby of Nic's has left her with a sore finger. Plus, a reader, known only as "hot-lips", has an interesting offer for Liz.
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Was it the time when Liz was on tour with girl band All Saints and she announced, “I don’t do buffets”? Or when she stayed in a suite Leonardo DiCaprio had stayed in Thailand and she complained that the hotel’s grass, “wasn’t like real grass”? Liz is finally coming to terms with being a diva (because, as she says, “Divas get things done”). Meanwhile, Nic accidentally buys a pornographic novel.
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Liz’s blossoming relationship with the mysterious ‘P’ goes to the next level with the arrival of a (semi) naked selfie from the man who calls her LL (that’s Lovely Liz). If only she didn’t look like ‘cauliflower couscous’ when she was naked she might return the favour. As Liz herself says, ‘It’s just like Love Island but with cellulite.’ It’s another riotous podcast with Britain’s ultimate ‘Marmite columnist’ and her hilarious sidekick, Nic.
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She’s ‘fitter than a gazelle’ and ready to embrace a new attitude to men and dating. Yes, Liz is a walking bag of lust and hormones this week, with an eye on the new man in her life (known only to us as P), Aussie hunk Nigel, the fit one from This Is Us and…. Tony Blair. How does this all sit with her new vow to ditch her grooming regime and embrace the natural (read: feral) look? And will any of it involve something quite rude that Liz calls ‘double parking’? You Magazine’s legendary columnist and her trusty sidekick Nic, literally have no filters. You have been warned. Enjoy.
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Liz is preparing for a date with the mysterious P, but admits she would drop him in a heartbeat if The Hunk emailed, and takes issue with the idea that all you need to fix your mental health is a little nature (she’s speaking for experience!) Liz has an unusual offer for her assistant Nic and the duo are not happy that they have got competition from Michelle Obama. Plus, Liz and Nic hatch a plan to take over P’s luxury brand and make it vegan.
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Liz is planning her return to the spa, and she has an extensive list of demands (although she’s not optimistic about getting the ‘Extreme Hollywood’ of her dreams). Liz and assistant Nic are obsessed with Married at First Sight, and Liz reminisces about an old column where her husband took her to buy a ring… and then revealed, “It’s more of a friendship ring”. Plus, a reader gets in touch to reveal that he found Liz’s column “on the way to the crossword”.
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Liz is nervously tucking into a vegan cheesecake made by Nic from a recipe she found on the internet, as the two discuss the problem of men expecting 'birthday sex'. Liz picks out summer reading material (in between obsesssing over Meghan's hair and the Johnny Depp trial). Plus, the duo discuss the very serious problem of exes crawling out of the woodwork whenever a new love interest appears.
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Liz is thinking back through the 15 houses she’s lived in, and has one word of advice for anyone thinking of moving to the country: don’t. Both Liz and NIc have spent the week obsessed with a book by Jenni Murray on weight and dieting, which has echoes in both their (very different) lives. Plus, a helpful reader gets in touch to suggest that it’s time for Liz to lower her standards on the romance front.
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Liz ignores Nic's advice and texts David on his birthday - and finds out that he's been tuning in to the podcast and knows exactly what Liz and Nic have been saying about him. Meanwhile, LIz has booked a table in the pub to mark 'Super Saturday'... but everyone is too scared to join for dinner. Plus, as Liz makes plans to meet new beau ‘P’, she finally works out the key ability she's looking for in a man (changing light bulbs).
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Liz looks back on the time she paid £1000 to treat her ex to the ultimate romantic weekend away, only to end up locking him out of the room for the whole stay. She asks her trusty sidekick, Nic, ‘Why can’t I ever have the man I deserve?’. In something of an epiphany, she realises that the man she deserves is apparently Ricky Gervais. And that’s not the craziest part of this hilarious new episode.
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Who is the best lover Liz has ever had? The answer will come as a VERY big surprise to long-term listeners and readers, as Liz and NIc navigate another week of gradually easing lockdown. Liz's breathing exercises don't seem to be helping much as her dog leads her into a very unfortunate confrontation. Plus, Liz reminisces about the time she ate shortbread off Mary Berry's floor.
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Why do Liz’s Yorkshire neighbours feel sorry for her? Why doesn’t she care if her column upsets people? And why is her trusty assistant Nic trying to get Liz to appear on a US dating show? You’ll have to tune in for the answers to these and more incredibly revealing topics in a brand new episode of this hilarious podcast.
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Liz is helping to get Britain’s economy back on its feet this week... by returning to the salon for a ‘Hollywood wax’ (with appropriate safety procedures in place), while Nic has had a terrible accident with a goldfish bowl full of gin and tonic. Meanwhile, Liz reminisces about the most magical place she’s ever been to... and did she really ask Jennifer Lawrence THAT? Listen to find out...
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In her own words, Liz is playing several ‘games of emotional tennis’ on emails with men all over the world. From that ‘unopened, unexploded bomb from Australia’, ie that email she still hasn’t opened from the Hunk in Sydney, to ‘Porsche man’, who’s much closer to home but leaving her hanging. Will her assistant Nic’s advice about setting boundaries with men finally sink in? Doubtful, but it’s fun to listen to her giving it to her straight in another hilarious episode, if only to hear about trying to lip-read Donatella Versace and getting laughed at by Prince.
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There’s never a dull moment in the wilds of Yorkshire when Liz Jones and her trusty sidekick Nic are involved. The conversation jumps about like one of Liz’s crazy collies from a brush with the law to the perils of ‘stress weeing’. And they dare to ask: Are middle-class, middle-aged women the worst people in the world? Big laughs and strong opinions ahead, buckle up.
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Thanks to Liz and Nic cracking open the wine for a spot of ‘mindful drinking’ (cough), the conversation is flowing into all sorts of uncharted territory. From new lockdown crushes – including a strong-fingered cellist and a baby-faced Timothee Chalamaet – and how Liz has managed rile the Mumsnet set. Again. Warning: Strong opinions and big laughs ahead.
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After weeks of lockdown, Liz is convinced she is the worst cook on the entire planet (and reminisces about the time she made Gordon Ramsay furious with an ill-advised question during a cooking lesson). Liz remembers her one life-long love… David Cassidy (and the time she ended up rooting through his wheelie bin). Plus a reader writes in with a question about whether sex workers are entitled to furlough payments from Rishi Sunak.
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Another week of lockdown sees Liz try swimming on her kitchen surfaces, and her assistant Nic listing her near-death experiences (many of which seem to stem from Liz’s obsession with changing light bulbs). Liz talks about her strangest expenses claim ever (when she made David buy two sheep in Belgium). Plus, a reader writes to ask about lockdown restrictions and going swimming… dressed as a mermaid.
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Liz unveils a startling impression of J-Lo as she and assistant Nic discuss celebrities caterwauling (and lecturing us) from lockdown in their mansions. Liz reveals why she only has one bra, and they discuss why men never talk enough (as David texts Liz back with a one-word reply saying simply, ‘Ouch’). Plus, Liz delves into her best celebrity stories, including traumatising Bruce Willis in his bedroom.
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Nigel, nice things and nudity – just some of the things that somehow go together in this week’s hilarious new podcast with Liz and her loyal assistant, Nic. Still surviving lockdown together, the dynamic duo discuss everything from big knickers to whether or not Liz has ‘Madonna face’. Meanwhile, a helpful listener hatches a plan to relaunch Liz's love life….
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Liz and Nic react to this week's You Magazine feature where Nic and Liz are photographed together (and Nic spots that the headline describes her as 'Liz Jones's husband'). Liz revisits some of the more alarming assignments from her career, including learning to be a trapeze artist and going out wearing a pair of gigantic fake breasts. Plus, Nic reveals how she heard Liz laughing out loud at her own jokes as she wrote her new novel.
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Liz and Nic are self-isolating, but Liz is trying to do it the Vogue way by ‘smudging’ with burning herbs. Liz celebrates the joys of being single in her column this week, including actually looking forward to going to bed, and looks back at the tragic moment she was ignored in a jazz club when her ‘teapot pose’ didn’t work. Plus, a reader begs Liz to reveal who her former rock star lover really is.
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Liz and Nic are social distancing by staying three collies apart at all times, but they've still managed to record this week's episode. Liz is adventuring in the world of self-administered beauty treatments (including an accidental self-tan) and Nic has been sent a very alarming nude picture. Plus, Liz revisits her very first column... and discovers that some things never change!
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Liz and Nic are in lockdown. But don’t worry they’re in lockdown together and putting the world to rights in another hilarious podcast. Will the coronavirus confinement launch a baby boom? Or a divorce boom? And will Liz will ever be on the same continent as the Hunk from Down Under again. As Liz says, ‘Even in the second world war people could go to the pub.’
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Liz Jones and her loyal assistant Nic are hilariously unfiltered on love, men and why dogs are indeed preferable to husbands. But what is that really gets Nic’s heart racing? In Liz Looks Back, she revisits the no-holds-barred account of her facelift and reveals the only surgical procedure she’d probably never dare try.
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