The Sleep Nanny Podcast: Recent Episodes
Lucy Shrimpton
Welcome to the home of the Sensory Sleep Methodology™
This is where you’ll hear support for parents and caregivers with healthy childhood sleep development.
Poppy Owen is a Business Mentor, Coach & Worldwide Speaker helping high-achieving females create impact online with their knowledge. She's all about aligning business structure & lifestyle to become the best version of themselves. She is a busy mum of two young daughters. She is also passionate about health, wellness and SLEEP - making it a priority for herself and family. She moved to Dubai in 2023 with her family where her and her husband both run their own business from.
Find poppy here - @poppyowen
Rebecca has been an English as a Foreign Language (EFL) teacher for nearly 20 years. Her online business helps non-native speakers improve their English skills and prepare for exams to study at British universities.
Outside her home office, she spends time with her family, experiencing life from the other side. As a language graduate, she lived and worked abroad after university. Now, she speaks Russian at home with her husband and two children, whom they are raising to (hopefully!) be bilingual.
Find her here - insta - @englishclubonline
Sarah Almond Bushell is an international award-winning Registered Dietitian & Feeding Therapist with 25 years of expertise in paediatrics. She is an author, speaker, and ex-NHS Consultant Paediatric Dietitian and founder of The Children’s Nutritionist Limited.
Sarah's aim with The Children’s Nutritionist™ is to help parents fix their child’s fussy eating by tapping into sensory and the psychology of feeding, so that mealtimes become stress free happy family times. She also has an extensive blog that reaches 150,000 people every single month.
Sarah is a mum of two teenagers, who were both fussy eaters when they were young, who inspired her to specialise in this area.
Find Sarah Here - @thechildrensnutritionist
Dr Williams has practiced chiropractic and had a significant interest in chiropractic paediatrics for the past thirty years. He lectures extensively to chiropractic, medical and dental groups throughout Europe, the United States and Australia, primarily on the subjects
of chiropractic paediatrics and SOT,
Dr Williams is a former vice president of the British Chiropractic Association and he has previously served on the UK regulatory body for chiropractic the General Chiropractic Council 2003-2001. He is also a past president of both SOTO (Sacro Occipital Technique Organisation) Europe and SOTO International and was a founding board member of the College of Chiropractors Faculty of Paediatrics
Find out more here - https://www.stjameschiro.co.uk/dr-steve-williams/
I’ve faced sleep struggles with my own daughter, which has given me firsthand experience in dealing with the challenges many parents encounter. Balancing these demands with returning to work as a teacher added another layer of complexity. The demands of teaching, coupled with the sleepless nights, were incredibly challenging. I know many people go through similar experiences, making this a highly relatable issue. My journey has shown me the importance of empathy and understanding when navigating these struggles, and I believe sharing my story can resonate with and support others facing the same difficulties.
Find Emily here - Insta - @sleepnannyemilyadams
Cara is an entrepreneur and the inventor of SnoozeShade, the world’s bestselling
range of baby sun and sleep shades. In 2009, Cara found herself in need of a
solution to help her baby daughter sleep in the pushchair. She couldn’t find anything
already on the market, so she decided to create that solution herself!
Despite having no previous experience in retail or manufacturing, Cara has since
turned SnoozeShade into a global brand that has helped hundreds of thousands of
parents, won more than 80 awards and is recommended by the world’s leading
baby-sleep experts. Cara is passionate about teaching other small-business owners
what she has learned, sharing the real ups and downs of running and growing a
business in her signature straight-talking style.
Find Cara and Snoozeshade here - @snoozeshade
Combining her role as a mother of four with her position as the Founder of BabySensor, a High Tech Company focused on parental safety, she brings a wealth of relevant experience to the table. With a background in child welfare, she has honed her expertise in parenting and leadership, making her uniquely qualified to address the challenges of modern parenting.
Her commitment to improving sleep and rest for parents aligns perfectly with the podcast's themes, making her an ideal guest. Her ability to juggle entrepreneurship, leadership, and motherhood gives her a comprehensive understanding of the struggles parents face daily.
Her personal journey adds depth and authenticity to any conversation on the topic. Believing in the value of sharing insights and passion, she sees her participation in the podcast as a way to offer guidance and support to listeners navigating the often tumultuous journey of parenthood. Furthermore, her professional speaking career as a parental advisor underscores her dedication to helping parents thrive in their roles.
Find Anita here - https://no.linkedin.com/in/anitafevang/en
As a Psychotherapist, Ashley has worked in a number of different arenas, from the corporate world training to education; being a therapist for 1800 students in an International school in Abu Dhabi, to setting up her own Psychotherapy and Consultancy practice. Ashley gave a TEDx talk in 2019 that gave birth to The Resilient Kid. Last year she released her book A Parents Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid. Join Ashley for a down to earth practical approach to reconnect to our kids and build their resilience.
Links
Free resources - https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/
Website - https://theresilientkid.co.uk/
Insta - theresilientkid/
FB - resilientkiduk
Karena Rathbone Ariel is a passionate Aromatherapy Emotions Coach helping people feel empowered with natural solutions and utilise essential oils for both emotional and physical wellbeing. Karena is a certified Aromatherapist, Swedish and stone massage therapist, internationally accredited Emotional Aromatherapy Advisor. Qualified in the AromaTouch Technique since 2017 and a certified doTERRA essential oil specialist, Karena runs classes, workshops, online and live events on how to use essential oils safely for all the family, in yoga, with meditation and managing wellness. As a doTERRA Gold team leader Karena has wellness teams based in the UK & Europe and coaches people across the globe. Please follow Karena's Facebook and IG page @essentialwellbeinghub for further event listings and customer group Essential Oil Hub for aromatherapy support. For massage treatments Karena can be found at The Wellbeing Studio Bexhill for treatments.
In this episode, we catch up with Beaux Raymond, a fresh mother who gained prominence as a reality TV star and influencer following her victorious stint on Netflix's popular dating series, Too Hot to Handle. With over 465,000 followers on her official Instagram, Beaux collaborates with various fashion labels. During our conversation, she delves into her challenging birth experience, navigating single parenthood following her recent breakup, and shares insights into her daughter Lillia's sleeping habits
Find her here -
@_beauxraymond
In this episode we speak to twin mum Emily Simpson
Emily is a mum to 3 beautiful boys, including twins. She has a degree in Early Childhood Studies and experience working in various early years settings. She became a sleep consultant after her own experience of sleep deprivation when her twins were first born.
Being someone who loves their sleep, she really struggled with this which set her off on a road of researching infant sleep which she has found fascinating. She now loves helping other families address their sleep challenges so that they can enjoy family life with an understanding of sleep so that they are confident in navigating sleep going forward.
Find her here -
www.sleepnanny.co.uk/c/emilysimpson/
@sleepnannyemilysimpson
Vicky is a certified sleep consultant who established a successful business helping families find the right sleep solutions that gain amazing results. Vicky works with children from newborn to 17 years old and is also a specialist in Anxiety & Autism / ADHD sleep methods. Her unique and bespoke sleep methods have helped families from all over the world, overcome sleep problems that have affected their whole lives. Vicky is passionate about getting the right advice for each individual family in order to get the results they want.
Vicky also spends time running workshops & seminars on Autism, Anxiety and Sleep for many of the top Autism Charities & Societies both in the UK and USA and is the lead speaker and trainer on these specialist sleep methods. Vicky has over 16 years of professional training, qualifications and knowledge in these bespoke sleep methods, she also has personal experience with her own children who both have additional needs. Through her own experiences, she has combined this knowledge with science and research to create bespoke and successful sleep methods that help all families, with or without additional needs
https://sleepnanny.co.uk/c/vickycooksley/
In today's episode, we're thrilled to welcome Janine McGee Nutrition, who will be sharing a treasure trove of tips aimed at helping you achieve optimal nutrition to deeply nourish your body at a cellular level. Whether you're in the delicate post-birth recovery phase or simply find yourself leading a hectic lifestyle with minimal time for culinary endeavors, Janine will expertly break down simple yet effective strategies to meet your nutritional needs.
Join us as Janine delves into the intricacies of dietary choices, offering guidance on what to incorporate into your meals and what to steer clear of. By understanding the importance of these dietary decisions, you'll gain valuable insight into how they can positively impact not only your current state of well-being but also your future health. So, tune in to discover the keys to unlocking a nourished body and a thriving life.
You can find out more about Janine and how she can help here:
Instagram - @janine.mcgee.nutrition
www.janinemcgee.co.uk
Dr Clair Burley is a Clinical Psychologist specialising in attachment trauma
After a successful 13 years in the NHS, Dr Clair now works from her private practice in Dorset. Dr Clair helps individuals, couples and parents/families with their relationship challenges and needs. This includes the relationship we have with ourselves (e.g., a harsh inner critic, difficulty managing emotions, attachment trauma) as well as with significant others such as a romantic partner, a child, or other family members such as siblings or parents.
Dr Clair has a nurturing nature, which is paired with her in-depth knowledge and experience of helping people transform their relationships. She draws upon psychological theories and models to make sense of your difficulties and guide you from where you are now, to where you want to be. The key to true happiness is in the harmony and connection within these relationships
Instagram @drclairburley
Website https://drclair.com
Vern Hill is an ante and post-natal fitness expert, Founder of Carifit and father of 2, passionate about the benefits that baby wearing can bring to parents and their child. Supported by a team of industry professionals, as well as doctors, midwives, physiotherapists and baby wearing experts, they create fun, safe and effective workouts supported by thoughtfully made sports tech.
Carifit started out as an exercise method and soon developed into a wellbeing platform for all new parents at every stage of their parenting journey. With expert advice and support on nutrition, babywearing, sleep and postnatal physiotherapy, the Carifit app is the only 360° babywearing, parenting, fitness and wellbeing platform.
Vern Hill is the Founder of Carifit: https://www.getcarifit.com/ | @cari_fit on instagram
In this conversation we talk to the wonderful Lucy Piper who is the presenter at the Baby Show
Lucy trained as a professional dancer and enjoyed a career around the world until she was 25 before making her break into television presenting on a breakfast show in Chicago, USA
She is a mum of two and the world of Baby and Maternity is one of Lucy's greatest passions. When she was pregnant with her first child, she presented The Baby Channel on Sky, a fabulous daytime show interviewing various experts on the sofa with her big bump! Lucy has been hosting The Baby Show stage since 2004 making this her 18th year. Over the years she has shared the stage with hundreds of experts and celebrity mums, talking about labour, breastfeeding, sleep and weaning. Lucy loves to explore and talk about the latest baby products and is always on the lookout for the latest innovation. With her empathy and admiration for new parents, she loves to empower and support expectant and new parents on their exciting parenting journey.
In this podcast we talk all things 'Baby' and how motherhood can take it's toll.
Take our free sleep assessment and tailor your own plan of action on our Sleep App, it's free to download on the Apple and Google Play stores https://sleepnanny.co.uk/app/
In this episode I talk to the wonderful Senior Sleep Nanny Consultant and wonderful human Becky Brightman.
Becky found Sleep Nanny as a sleep-deprived parent, just like you, who was at her limit. At 18 months old, her daughter was taking upwards of two hours to fall asleep (day or night) and was feeding at least three times a night. Mum guilt over her child's sleep deprivation was ever all consuming. Whether it stemmed from feelings of responsibility for her child's disrupted sleep patterns or from societal pressures to ensure perfect parenting, it often weighed heavy on her heart. The relentless cycle of sleepless nights exacerbated this guilt, as she started to question her ability to provide adequate care and support for her child's well-being. Despite her best efforts, the inability to "fix" her child's sleep issues amplified these feelings of inadequacy. Sleep Nanny transformed her life in two short weeks and it was from that point she knew she wanted to help other families experience the same.
In this conversation we talk about mum guilt, sleep experiences, societal pressure and the knock on effect this can have on the whole family.
Find Becky on Instagram - @sleepnannybeckybrightman
https://beckybrightman.sleepnanny.co
Take our free sleep assessment and tailor your own plan of action on our Sleep App, it's free to download on the Apple and Google Play stores https://sleepnanny.co.uk/app/
In this blog, we are going to be addressing the fact that you’ve recognized that your baby doesn’t sleep enough, or your little one doesn’t sleep enough. So we’re going to find out why. Where is it in 24 hours that the lack of sleep is coming from? Because understanding this is key.
In the previous blog we started talking about overtiredness and what that does, and the effect of overtiredness. So today, we are going to fully understand where the overtiredness could be coming from.
First of all, could it be lack of daytime sleep? That’s the first one I want you to think about. Is your child under three? If they are, then they probably do still need some daytime sleep. And don’t get me wrong, sometimes they need daytime sleep beyond age three as well.
But if they are under three, then it’s pretty much a sure thing that they do need some. And if that’s the case, how much should that be, at this current age and stage that they are? How much daytime sleep would be beneficial for them? And in what sections? How many? How many naps and how long would they be, if they’re going to be doing the best sleep they can do? So if we can understand that we can then understand whether they’re getting enough or not.
That immediately gives us a fixing point like, “Ah, okay, my two-year-old, let’s say, is having a half an hour nap in the day.” Okay brilliant, we’ve identified a problem. It’s not enough sleep for a two-year-old, we need to be aiming more towards the two-hour mark. So we already go, “Oh right, okay. That’s what I need to do to help to fix things.” It could be the amount, but it could also be the quality. So you might think, “Oh no, my child gets loads of sleep. They get the exact amount that they need for their age and stage.”
But if the quality of that sleep isn’t great that could be the problem. It could be the timing as well. So what if they’re getting the quantity overall, but the quality is poor and it’s in little snatched naps of light sleep. And perhaps, in their case, it’s not restorative enough, and the quality of sleep is down. Also, motion sleep, so the sleep that you have on the go, in the pushchair, or the car, or on the move, motion sleep often won’t give the same quality of sleep as a proper sleep space and ideal sleep environment. It can, but often it doesn’t. So that could be the key and the thing that is causing your little one to be overtired. So these are all things that you can look at and explore to spot it with your little one where’s that overtiredness coming from.
The other thing with timing to look at is if they’re awake for too long between sleeps.
So sometimes people will tell me, “Yep, they’re getting enough sleep.” And they are, they’re getting enough. Let’s go back to our two-year-old, perhaps they’re getting nearly two hours every day and it’s brilliant, but they’re taking that a bit late in the day. So actually, from their morning wake-up time until the start of that nap time, if that window of awakeness is too long, even if they’re getting the ideal amount of nap after that, the very fact that wake window is too long could be the reason for their overtiredness, even if they are getting enough naptime. So timing does play a part in this as well.
Timing is something that can easily be overlooked or ignored because you think, “They get the sleep eventually.” Yeah, but that extended wakeful period may have already done the harm and cause the overtiredness.
When you look at bedtime itself. Is bedtime late, a bit too late or irregular? Does it move around a lot? That could be another reason for overtiredness, a bedtime that isn’t consistent, or that is too late for a little one.
Most 0 to 6 year olds, some seven-year-olds, will do best with a bedtime around 7:00 PM. That’s if you operate a kind of a day in the life of where you want to wake up between 6:00 AM and 7:00 AM, maybe you have school or preschool, or you are working, and then wind down, your evening meal or whatever, and then to sleep around 7:00 PM, somewhere between 6:00 PM and 8:00 PM, for sure. Absolutely, somewhere between 6:00 PM and 8:00 PM, for anyone, I would say, 0 to 10 years. You may get a few on the older side that can cope with a slightly later bedtime, but generally speaking, from 0 to 10 years, I would say somewhere between 6:00 PM and 8:00 PM, it’s going to fit really, really well. 7:00 PM’s great, right down the middle.
The last one that you could look at in terms, if you’re trying to figure out, where is this overtiredness coming from? I know my child’s overtired, I figured that out in the last episode, but where is it coming from? Could it be disturbed nights? Do you have lots of wake ups going on in the night, lots of disruption? Are they up and down? Are they having wakeful periods in the night?
That, in itself, is going to cause overtiredness because not only do they lose those bits of sleep when they wake up, but the very fact that they’re having them means that the sleep cycles are not thorough and they’re not nourishing. We cycle through our sleep like this. And if they’re spending a lot of time up here, they’re not getting their deep, nourishing sleep and having that restorative effect. So it could be the disturbed nights, okay?
So have a think about those, see which it could be for you. If this has helped you go, “Ah yes, it’s that,” then brilliant, because you can then move on into my blog, where I’m going to be sharing with you how to actually fix that, how to get them to sleep more.
Take our Quiz and get your free custom sleep plan today!
https://youtu.be/lx4Kmk1UcVk
To conclude my little series on traveling with your little ones and maintaining the best sleep possible, this post is all about the return home.
These tips are going to help you to get your little one’s sleep back on track and get them sleeping really nicely at home when you’ve returned from travel or being away, or on a holiday, or something like that.
Number one, the journey home itself. So when you’re coming home a bit like the journey out, you have this random day, it’s a transitional day. It’s going to be a day where you may find you or your child might get more sleep than usual, you might get less sleep than usual. It doesn’t matter, it’s a transition. It’s when you get back, that really makes the difference in getting back into your routine.
When you come back, try if possible, it’s not always possible, but try if you can to factor in a recovery day. That’s the day after the travel day. So you’ve got your travel day and then a recovery day. If you can, if your timetable allows. That’s going to give you the opportunity to just play with timing, whatever time we start, the day is fine. Wake up when your body clock’s ready. And then, look at, where are we now? What time is it? Right, based on this wake-up time we need to have, or not have naps. Based on what happens there, we need to do what we need to do in order for bedtime to happen at that time, which is your time at home. So having that recovery day, it’s like having a buffer zone to really sort it all back out.
The second thing is home routine right away. Get into your home routine right away. Once you’ve got back and you’ve done that, you’re going to be starting to think, right it’s breakfast time at this time, this is our dinner time, this is when bedtime is. Just get back into that routine and rhythm. And particularly when it comes to your bedtime routine for little ones and the environment that they’re in. If they are in their own room, if they spent a week sleeping in a room with a sibling, but normally at home, they’re on their own, it’s hard and fast rules back to normal. That’s where you sleep, your bed, your room. If they are usually in their own cot, but they’ve been sleeping in a bed or a different sleep setting or in with parents on a holiday, back to normal, back to their own sleep space. Whatever the rules are at home, they need to come back right away.
The third thing to remind you of is jet lag. If you have changed time zones, especially big ones, jet lag can last a week. It can take a week to really get back to normal. But you’re going to encourage that along and you’re going to help that along faster by getting into your local time and your routine based on the time zone you’re back in. And by getting into those cues, the environments, the meal times, all those things that make up the home routine. Catch-ups as well. If you are, or your little one is tired, more than usual, have little catch-ups. It’s okay. Don’t think you’ve got to keep your little one awake to maintain the perfect bedtime if they’re tired, just because perhaps they don’t usually nap or they’ve had their usual amount of naps. If there’s additional tiredness there, a little catch-up sleep, really won’t hurt. And then still go ahead with your normal bedtime, so you can get that back onto the normal path.
Take care and I hope that this helps you and your little one if you are travelling soon.
Take our Quiz and get your free custom sleep plan today!
https://youtu.be/-YPNH-pEFCM
The last couple of blogs posts have been about travel with babies and children, in this miniseries I am sharing as much as I can with you to make the journey easier, to make your time away more enjoyable and so that sleep doesn’t just become a complete disaster. Next up is my sleep tips for you while you are away. So whilst you are on your holiday or vacation, whilst you’re traveling, how can you make sleep much better than just leaving it to chance?
My first tip for you for improving sleep or making sleep good whilst you’re away with your children is to think about the routine but different. When I say routine but different, it means you want to have some kind of routine, some kind of rhythm going on. If they’re napping, let’s work out where they’re going to fall, where those naps are going to sit in the day, and bedtime, where’s that going to be? We do want some kind of rhythmicity, but it can be different to what you do at home. For example, it’s quite common when we travel, especially if we’re on a vacation with our children, that we might want to shift bedtime to be a little bit later. Perhaps if they’re going to be dining with us, we might want to move bedtime a little bit later.
Or if there’s a kiddie’s disco or a children’s club or something that they’re going to go to, again, it might just mean bedtime is a little bit different. If that’s the case, will they be the kind of child to make up those hours and sleep in a bit in the morning? Or are you like me where you have a child that it doesn’t matter when they go to bed, they’ll always wake up at the same time in the morning? If that’s you, you might need to factor in a nap in the day that perhaps doesn’t normally happen at home or an additional sleep in the day that you wouldn’t normally do in your home routine. So you just need to allow for these tweaks so that you can get into a holiday routine with sleep.
The second thing I want to share with you is about sleep location. Often when we travel, our little one’s sleep location changes. It might be that they are sharing a room when they wouldn’t normally, either with a sibling or with parents or the whole family might be in one room. That can happen. Their sleep location for naps might change. Maybe they normally take a nap at home in a cot and now they’re going to be taking a nap in their pram or their push chair stroller whilst out and about. Because, let’s face it, we’re on a vacation, we want to be out and having fun, right? So the location of sleep can change. Again, set it up for your holiday rules, your vacation rules, so that whilst you’re there, that’s what you do and they get used to it. Don’t worry. They won’t see this as home. They’ll see this as a different environment anyway and what happens there is what happens there.
Make sure that you set up the room for comfort and safety and have a nap setting that you know works so you can also all enjoy your holiday. I remember doing this with ours. I remember when they were in a double push chair and being away and we had a lovely routine, they’d have their lunch, they were all nice and fed and it was the hottest part of the day. They’d go into the double push chair, shades over, laid back, and we would go for a nice walk which was perfect after lunch, they would nod off to sleep, we could park up in the shade with them, sun loungers, books, and enjoy whilst they would take a nap and it was just lovely. So it can work really, really well. I’m not saying it always goes that smoothly, but it can do.
The same with bed times. Number three, bedtime routines. You can shift this. There’s options here, and it will depend on what you’re doing, where you’re going, where you’re staying, who you’re with. You might be away with family, for instance, or staying at somebody’s house, or you might be in a resort or one of these lovely places where you have the children’s clubs. There’s so many different setups on holidays for families. So wherever you are, just consider what bedtime routine will work given the setting that you are in.
One example and a common one I think fits well if you are at a holiday destination is to do your bedtime routine. This is particularly with babies and younger ones, toddler, preschoolers, is to do the bedtime routine with them in your room, in your accommodation, have that routine that they know, have a wash, a bath or shower. It helps get rid of the sunscreen or any clamminess from the day if you are somewhere hotter than they’re used to, it gives them that nice cooling feel, into their sleep wear. Then it might be that you settle them in the pram or in the push chair, and then they cuddle up maybe with their teddy and you can then go out for your evening and have a sleeper right by your side. That can work really well, too. Right through baby and toddlerhood as well, that one could be a really effective bedtime set up.
The point is, if you have some kind of routine there, if they actually have that routine, it will help them and it will help them to sleep better and then you just transfer them to their sleep space when you get back afterwards.
The last point on this I’m going to share with you is when you get back home. I mentioned this in my last episode, when you return home, you return back to normal, local time I talked about in the last episode, and for this episode, routine. Return back to your normal routine with when the meal times and nap times and bed times are and the environment, they will slip back into it because it’s familiar in a familiar environment.
Take care, sleep well and happy holiday’ing!
Take our Quiz and get your free custom sleep plan today!
https://youtu.be/yNdjTUWlxeo
This blog is the next in the minim series on traveling with babies and children, we’re focusing on time zones and the tips for getting through the change of time zones, on the way there, when you come back, how you can manage them whilst you’re away.
The number one tip I want to give you about time zones when it comes to traveling with little ones is consider the travel day, first of all, as an opportunity to transition. So whether you are taking a night flight or you are driving all day long, that day is going to be a little out of routine. It’s going to be a little different to the norm. Naps may or may not happen at the same time as they normally would. And the bedtime might shift. It’s just an odd day, right? It’s not going to be the same as normal. So use that as an opportunity. If you are traveling to a different time zone, use that as an opportunity to get adjusted. And it’s just almost like it’s a blank canvas then.
The second thing I want to share with you is when you arrive. When you arrive get onto local time. I don’t care if it’s one hour difference or five hours difference. Get onto local time straight away. And that means start getting your body into the rhythm of the day where you are. So your mealtime’s full at that time in the new time zone, breakfast, lunch, dinner. Your bedtime is at the time on the new time zone straight away. None of this, “Oh, wow. I know it’s this time, but for me, body clock feels like this time,” or you’re thinking about your child where they must feel like it’s this time. Don’t think like that. That’s psychologically going to hinder the adjustment.
This goes as much for adults as it does for children. But with children, you need to use the subliminal messages of the environment and the routine to help their body clock to shift into gear into the new time zone. It may not be perfect, but it will certainly help. So mealtimes, bedtime routine, the light itself, the sun rising and setting, are all also going to aid the signals to the body clock to go, “Oh, okay, hold on. Yes, it does feel like more like lunchtime now, actually.” And that will help.
The third thing to understand with this is actually about the return, when you come back home. So when you get home, you’ve got the same thing. You need to switch back to local time straight away. No like, “Oh yeah, but I feel like it’s tea time and it’s actually only just the morning.” Yep, sure. You might feel that way. But have breakfast if it’s the morning. Have lunch in the middle of the day. Go to bed at the right time. You may have to do a little manipulation with little ones with naps. You might want to go, “Okay. Do you know what? We are going to skip a nap today because we need to get the bedtime back on track.” Or you might say, “Oh, we need to add in a nap today so that I can keep my child in a good place and get bedtime at the right time at home.”
Whatever you need to do, especially on that first day back, whatever you need to do to get back into your local time and rhythm as soon as possible. It’s all about rhythmicity at the end of the day. And our body clocks and circadian rhythms are a natural thing. But when we shift from time zones, rather than letting nature take its course over maybe a week or more, we can actually get there quicker by helping with all these triggers and cues around us and rhythm to our day.
Hopefully this will make your time zone travel a lot quicker. It can take up to a week to overcome jet lag, especially if it’s quite a big difference. And especially when you go from west to east, it feels worse. So that’s worth knowing as well.
Take care and in my next post I am going to be talking about sleep tips for your children while you’re away. So if you’re on a vacation or a holiday and you’ve taken some time out to travel, some tips for sleeping when traveling.
Take our Quiz and get your free custom sleep plan today!
https://youtu.be/_qO6v4m3lNY
In this blog I’m going to be giving you some amazing tips for when you travel with your children, and specifically in this post, focusing on the journey itself. I’m going to give you the three best things that you can think about when it comes to traveling with children.
The three things that I want to share with you to make that journey and traveling with children a lot less stressful.
Number one, entertainment. It seems obvious, but actually the entertainment that your little one’s going to be most entertained by is going to vary at every age. What entertains a younger baby toddler age is going to be very different to a four, five, six, seven year old. It’s going to change, it’s going to evolve. What you can have for entertainment is going to vary depending on the form of travel, the form of transport. Are you on an airplane, a car, a coach, a train a ferry? The ability to move around might be different. Whether they can use wifi screens or whether they need to have books. What forms of entertainment are going to be appropriate for the journey. Consider that, what’s going to be appropriate for the form of transport, and also for the age of the child.
Also, think about what could be new. Now, this applies at all ages. What could you whip out that’s brand new for the journey? For instance, for a toddler, could you get a little bunch of party bag type toys, brand new things that they’ve never seen before that you pop into a bag. Then, one by one, on the journey you’re like, “Oh, what’s this? Oh, what’s this? Because we all know that, despite the fact they may have their favorite toy, it’s the new one, it’s the different one, the thing they haven’t seen before, that’s the most exciting that’s going to captivate their attention and keep them content and entertained for a period of time. Being able to pull out a new unseen before thing is definitely going to be great and that can evolve at different ages.
For a child a bit older, it could be a new book to read or a magazine. Or, if you like listening to audio books, or even in the car, for instance, it could be that you get that new audio downloaded and onto the device, the headphones prepared, everything you need so that they can have that brand new audio and be excited and get into that as well. Newness is also a great thing to think about when it comes to the entertainment.
Think about where you’re going to be able to provide that entertainment. Do they have restricted movement? What format it should come in and how you can make it new and exciting and different?
Number two is food. Make sure you are equipped, no matter what form of transport you’re taking, with that journey, make sure that you are able to provide food and water because we all know, and we are like it a bit too as adults, but children in particular, they struggle with their mood and their emotions when they’re hungry, not hangry, and thirsty. Their hydration and their food is going to be really important. Just make sure you’re armed with that. Think ahead, plan ahead, and also plan for delays and unexpected situations where you may be stuck without food or water. Plan ahead and be equipped.
The last one, is that the sleep rules change. You’re not going to be, necessarily, letting them sleep at the same times as they normally would or in the same space. They may be sleeping in an airplane seat or a car seat for a period of time. They may sleep at a different time. Don’t worry about the nap schedule. Don’t worry so much about the routine that you normally have, because if you are in transit, when you’re traveling, you feel different. You might sleep on a plane during the day when you wouldn’t normally, because that motion lulls you off. It’s okay. It might actually prepare you for a bit of a deficit in your sleep when you arrive, or with the times zone. It really doesn’t matter. What I’m saying here is let down any stresses about meticulous rules with the sleep during the travel day. You can allow extra sleep. If it happens, don’t panic. Don’t worry so much if a nap doesn’t happen when it normally would, because it would probably be made up for another time.
The travel day is the travel day, so just make sure it’s comfortable and enjoy the ride. I hope these tips help you to have a better journey this season if you are getting away or traveling with your children.
In my next blog we will be honing in on Time Zones, in the meantime take care and sleep soundly.
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https://youtu.be/7OGW7GhXCX0
In this blog I am talking all about the early-rising child. The previous 3 have been focused on how to spot where the overtiredness is coming from that causes the early rising. I've talked about how to cope with early rising and strategies to solve all of this and what I want to share with you here is how to stay on track. Once it gets good, how do you keep it there?
You've done the work. Everything I've talked about in the last few blogs, you've implemented it beautifully, and you've finally overcome those early wakings, and your little one is waking beyond 6:00 AM. Feels great, right? But I'm here to share with you how you can keep it that way because the problem is most people reach that stage, and it goes back off track. It falls off track again, and sometimes it happens with the seasons because it's got lighter outside in the mornings, and it's waking them up and that kind of thing, but I'm going to share with you exactly what you need to do to stay on track.
First things first, don't get complacent because one of the reasons lots of people do fall off track is because they get complacent, so all the things that they set up and all the things that they've done to get this resolved, they kind of stop doing them. They think they don't need to anymore. "It's fine. They're sleeping fine now. Don't need to do that." Probably you do, so don't just let these things go. Don't get complacent. It's also really important to know that some little ones are just wired that way. They are wired as early risers, but that doesn't mean you have to succumb to wake-ups that happen before 6:00 AM. It does mean they may always be a 6:00-ish or just after 6:00 AM waker, which is an early-ish waker. My own eldest is like that. I've always had to stay on top of it, always over the years, because whilst I would not accept anything pre-6:00 AM, because that's still nighttime, I've had to do the work and keep up on everything to make sure that he is waking after 6:00 AM.
So, where all his school friends might go to bed later, that's fine. They can manage it because they sleep in later, but because I know that he absolutely won't, I have to keep his bedtime earlier because even if he went to bed later, he wouldn't wake up any later. Some are wired that way, so you need to know your child and what's best for them. Then, you've got to stay on top of it. So, what can you do to stay on top of it? A really obvious but easy one to forget is to keep the room dark. We are so sensitive to the light, some more than others, but being dark means sleep time, and it tells our brains that, whereas light helps to... well, actually it prevents the sleepy hormones, and it suggests that it's time to wake up, and it wakes us up. This is why these wake-up lights work and these fancy blackout blinds that people have that come up to wake them. I mean, how amazing is that?
It's because it works, and it's how we're wired. In fact, since the days of sleeping in caves, that's how our whole body clock and the circadian rhythm was born was through light and dark, night and day. So, keep the room dark. Use everything you can find to black out the natural daylight. I've known people put tin foil into the windowpane with all kinds of tape and all sorts. There are stick-up blackout blinds. There is static stuff you can put on the window, on the glass, that is a blackout peel-off thing, blackout blinds. I've often been a fan of blackout blinds followed by blackout curtains over the top tucked in around the edges so that you really are cutting out all the natural daylight.
The only kind of light you want is a dim, amber or red-colored nightlight if you need some light, so keep it nice and dark. This is especially a problem here in the UK when we go into our lighter months, and the light starts creeping in. Also, be wary of that coming in the hallway and the doors, the bedroom door, so you may need to make sure the bedroom door is shut,
https://youtu.be/a_8qiXFzO_g
This blog is all about coping when your little one is waking really early every morning, every day. I'm going to be going through three key things that you can use to get through this while you are working on the strategies I shared in the last two blogs about how to actually overcome this problem, and get your little one sleeping beyond 6:00 AM every morning. But, I understand that that can take some time, and so, this is for you whilst you're going through that.
Tip number one for you on how to cope when your little one is waking really early for the day is to try to take turns in being the parent that gets up if possible. Now, I understand that's not possible if you're on your own, but if you're not alone, if somebody else can take a turn either every other day or every few days so that you can rest and have a little bit longer in bed, it makes all the difference because once you get up, it's really hard to go back to sleep. And even if your little one goes back to sleep, it's so difficult for you to then go back to sleep. It's like you're almost waiting in anticipation. So. You almost do have to resign yourself to the fact that you're going to be awake now to some level for the day, and having somebody else that can go and take their time with that.
Just knowing, psychologically knowing, that it's not my turn today, I can stay in bed. Just by staying, laying down, and keeping your eyes closed even if you are awake and can hear what's going on, you're more likely to, first of all, fall back to sleep, and second of all, you're also more likely to get some degree of better rest than if you actually get up. So, knowing that somebody else can take care of it and that you can just rest is better than nothing. I actually quite like the two days on two days off pattern. And so, if you could take those kinds of times with a partner, then that could be great because then you get two solid nights where you know that you do not need to get up and respond and that you can wake up when you are ready to start the day, or at least after 6:00 AM.
Take turns, if you can. If you can't, if you are on your own, if you're a single parent, then is there an occasion or perhaps once a week could you have a relative come and stay with you or a good friend come and stay with you? Or could you go and stay with somebody that would be willing to help and take a turn? Even if it is just once a week on a weekend and give you that little bit of extra rest. It's not as powerful as if you can do this every other night or every couple of nights, but it's better than nothing, and it's really worth asking for that help.
The second thing that you can definitely, definitely do is grab a nap in the day. Now, I know that sounds simple, and I can already hear you going, yeah, if only it was that easy. It's not easy, is it? It's not easy to go, right quick, okay, here's an opportunity, little ones to sleep. I'm going to go to sleep. And I have talked about this in other episodes. We don't just go, oh yeah, just go to sleep. It's not that simple, but if we just dismiss it and we don't even try, then we are definitely not going to get that sleep. Here's what I recommend. Take that opportunity when it comes, when your little one's having a nap, and the opportunity is there. Do not pick up your phone, do not do the laundry, do not do anything. Just stop. Go and sit down somewhere quiet. Dim the lights, make it dark, sit back or lie down even, rest your head, put your feet up, close your eyes and do some nice deep breathing. If you are good at meditating, then do that. If you're not, you're quite a busy minded person, then just let your thoughts flow, but just breathe and really focus on taking those breaths because I know it sounds woo woo, but it's so powerful just taking those deep breaths, and letting it all go will put you into such a great state of relaxation, which stands you in good stead for a possible nap.
https://youtu.be/6LggieGbXos
This blog is all about early waking and specifically today, we're talking about how to overcome the early waking. This is all about early waking sleep training, we will delve into the steps you need to take and my three R's on early rising.
Number one, you've got to spot where the overtiredness is coming from. If you haven’t already make sure you’ve read my blog on early wakings and spotting the signs of overtiredness, I shared why little ones wake early and we're talking about 4:00 or 5:00 AM wake ups. We're not talking about night wakings, about how that happens, why that happens and the things you need to do to find out where the over tiredness is coming from in the first place.
The first R is Resolve the overtiredness. What do we need to do? Do we need more nap time? Do we need to work on resettling a premature waking from a nap? That's when the nap should be maybe an hour and a quarter, but they're waking up after 30 minutes. Do we need to work on nap resettles or do we need earlier bedtimes or do we need a more consistent bedtime? Is it the wake window we need to shrink down or alter slightly or tweak the timing. We need to resolve the place where we can see that our little one's falling short of sleep and overcome that overtiredness.
We know that's not as simple as it sounds. We don't just flick a switch and suddenly, we fixed it. They're not overtired anymore, but if we can spot it and we know where it's coming from, then we can apply a strategy to resolving it and helping to replenish their sleep and build up a more fulfilled sleep tank. That's going to be the key element to resolving this early waking. We do have two other things that we need to do simultaneously whilst we're over there working on replenishing that sleep tank.
Second R for you is to respond to the early waking consistently. What do I mean by that? If they wake up 5:00 and sometimes you are like, "Shh, back to sleep, back to sleep." And sometimes you go, "Oh, whatever, I'm awake, let's start the day," or sometimes they get milk or sometimes they get loads of attention and other times you're like, "No, not happening." It's a mixed bag of response or sometimes it's feed and sometimes it's a nappy change and sometimes it's start the day and sometimes it's not.
We need a consistent response and we need a response that says it's still nighttime. The environment they're in needs to say it's still nighttime. You and your body language need to say it's still nighttime. The whole message needs to come across that it's not time to get up right now. If you start conveying this just with cues and environmental cues right from baby stage, then when they're into toddler and preschooler age, this is so much easier because they can then recognize, oh, okay, yeah. This means it's nighttime. This means it's daytime. Mummy or daddy, they don't talk to me when it's nighttime. Maybe you just whisper. You might give them a little, "Shh, shh, back to sleep." You might communicate. I'm not saying don't communicate. You might communicate in a nighttime mode, but it's very different to how you are with them in the daytime and that's a brilliant signal and trigger that you can demonstrate right from baby stage.
Respond consistently however, that may look. Now, we work out bespoke responses to families when we work with families one on one, because it can very much depend upon the child's individual personality, age, developmental stage, everything. There's so many factors that will determine the best response to givI can;t give you all of that detail here but what I can say is that it does need to be consistent. Once you know what it is, be consistent with it every single time so that they know exactly what to expect, and then they can count on you and then they can rely on you, which actually builds trust.
The next R I have for you is reward. We all respond to rewards and incentives. That's how life works.
https://youtu.be/Buv4Z1vA2-g
The focus for this blog is why does my baby wake so early? Why, why, why, why, why, why? I know what it feels like myself because when my eldest was little, this was a big problem for me, in fact he's a little bit wired that way. So I know firsthand what you're going through if you have an early riser on your hands.
In this blog I'm going to go through everything to explain why this happens, to give you the insight and ability to overcome this problem once and for all.
Starting at the beginning, why does your baby wake so early in the morning?
When I say early, I'm talking pre 6:00 AM. In our general culture that we live in, where people work a nine-to-five job, we have our school hours etc, we're talking 6am or beyond is actually perfectly acceptable. I know some people might not like to hear that.
But, if it's pre 6:00 AM, it's still nighttime and you do not need to start the day that early. So why is your little one waking up at that time? If you're getting wake-ups before 4:00 AM, then it's a night waking and that's another kettle of fish. Wake-ups at 9:00 PM, at 11:00 PM, 2:00 AM, they could be for all kinds of reasons. But the typical early waking time is usually between 4 and 5:00 AM, maybe 5:30, but roughly between 4 and 5:00 AM. That's what we call early waking.
If your little one is doing that, then the reason is they are overtired. Now, think about that for a minute. They're overtired, so they're waking early? Makes no sense, does it? You'd think they're overtired, they're tired. They need to sleep in. They need to sleep longer. That's what you would think. But like most things with sleep, it's completely counterintuitive, which is why our lovely instincts and intuition when it comes to this, lets us down because what actually is going to work for a little one's sleep is usually counterintuitive. And that's why it's the hottest topic among parents.
So yes, early wakings are caused by being overtired. It's to do with how it reacts in the body and how over tiredness creates actually a bigger influx of hormones that actually keep you going and keep you stimulated. And that's why we wake up more.
You may have had this yourself when, if you've been traveling, maybe long haul and multiple countries and you've got to an airport and you're like, "Oh my God, I just need to sleep." But you can't. And I've got to get that next flight and you power on and you power on. And then all of a sudden you feel, "I'm not tired anymore." And you haven't slept, but you're thinking, "I'm over it. I don't even feel tired anymore." That's because your body has released these hormones to keep you going and you push past that tired window and you're actually overtired, but you feel wired. Little ones will often do this. They will zone out to sleep. They will have a certain amount of sleep, but then they're awake and they can find themselves awake and wired because they're overtired.
But why? Where's this overtiredness coming from? That's the first thing you need to look at.
I want to run through a few examples for you right now, so that you can start to understand, why is my little one overtired because it might not be obvious. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn't.
First of all, let's look at naps. How many naps a day did your little one ought to be having? And for how long should each nap be? Because sometimes you might think they're napping a lot, but actually they're napping very short like cat naps, so the quality of the nap isn't great. So it's about the length and the quality. Also, motion naps, so naps that are induced by motion or kept going by motion can often, not always, but often be less of a quality nap as well because they going into deep sleep and it's like the motion is just keeping them down and keeping them dozing. Like when you nod off in a car or on a plane, as a passenger. You do that whole head thing and it's like, you're sleeping,
https://youtu.be/9IueYK86oNs
This blog is all about dropping the nap, when nap times are no more. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I know people have mixed opinions on that but we will go through when is the best time for this to happen, how you can make it easier on your little one and avoid having it unravel and just destroy nighttime sleep.
When are little one's ready to drop the daytime nap?
Actually I would always recommend keeping it as long as you can, but certainly up to age three. Around age three, they may show signs of wanting to drop the nap and some are ready. Some may show signs and not be ready and others aren't ready until they're four or even over the age of four. So it's quite a broad spectrum of time as to when they're truly ready, but don't worry, because I've got some answers for how you can make this a gradual thing, which sounds weird because you'd think it either has to be a nap is there in the day or it isn't, but actually there are some little tricks you can use to make it easier.
Whilst your little one may need a nap or not need a nap, there's also the parent perspective on this because for some parents, it’s a case of, "Oh no, please keep napping because that's my little bit of time to do some things and have some head space." Whereas other parents are like, "Phew, I don't need to fight this battle every single day anymore. We don't need it anymore." So there are mixed feelings and I would love to know which side of the fence you sit on the nap going completely. Is it something you are excited about or dreading? If you are lucky, in some cases and especially if you have a little one who does already nap well, if they've got their nice nap rhythm in place, they're doing their nice one nap a day, you're most likely to be lucky and to see the nap very naturally get shorter.
This is the organic approach, naturally their nap times just become shorter. You know that they're okay because they've been napping for two hours a day, it's gone down to an hour and a half a day, maybe an hour and a quarter, and they're waking up just as happy and rested as they were. They're not waking up prematurely from a nap and crying and upset and cranky because when they wake up like that that's usually a sign they're not done, they're not finished. Perhaps something disturbed them or they just woke too soon. But that's a sign that they haven't actually finished sleeping. But if they're waking up quite happily in the same way they were when they were having two hours and an hour and a half, you just start to see it naturally get shorter. If you get that, then you are very lucky.
It's a lovely way to just see it slowly, slowly, disintegrate and you know little one doesn't need it anymore. When that happens, they usually also carry the stamina to go for the rest of the afternoon and through to their bedtime quite comfortably because they are comfortably ready and they're showing that organically. Some little ones it's less obvious and things are a little messier. Maybe they've never been a great napper. Maybe they've never really taken enough sleep. So it's harder to tell because you can't really see that the nap's reducing because it was possibly too short anyway and you've maybe been doing backup naps and early bedtimes to compensate for as long as you can remember.
So it might not be quite so obvious. That's when you want to use a little bit of that guide of age but also What else can we look for? Look at how bedtime and nighttime sleep is going. If your little one is settling quite smoothly to sleep at bedtime and sleeping soundly all night long, obviously they do wake, but resettling quite easily with or without your help, if they're sleeping well at night on the whole, then it is a good chance that they may be ready if you're seeing signs like suddenly we're finding it more difficult to settle at bedtime or we're finding it more difficult to take that nap.
https://youtu.be/Q-4R6xt_BfM
We are talking naps again today, this time we are talking all about the dropping down to one nap per day. So that's when we're going from two naps down to one nap. Now this one can take a bit of time and it can cause a few hiccups along the way, but don't worry. I'm going to address all of that and give you the tools you need to make a smooth transition down to one nap a day.
The first question is when do our toddlers or little ones feel ready to drop down to just having one nap a day instead of two? Usually it's between 13 and 17 months. Occasionally, we see signs around 12 months, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're ready to make the move. And sometimes little ones aren't ready until closer to 18 months. But typically between 13 and 17 months, this nap transition will start to occur, but this transition is longer than 3 naps to 2 naps. It can take a while. So don't despair.
If you do have a little one that seems to want to make this transition on the earliest side, at 12 or 13 months, you're more likely to be in there for a slightly longer ride with this, where it might progress a bit and then go back a bit. Hold onto those two naps for as long as your little one seems to be needing them and taking them. If they are enjoying three hours a day, split over two sleeps in the day and sleeping well at night, then don't change it. Don't change it just because age changes or just because their friends are changing, stick with it because they're telling you that that's what suits them right now, when they are ready to make the change you will start to see signs.
What are the signs?
What you're going to see is probably one or the other of the naps becoming a little bit shorter in length or challenging to settle. So it could be the first nap or the second nap. Quite often, it is the second nap, but it could be the first nap. It might be that they take the first nap and they don't have quite so long. And then they really struggle to settle for the second nap. That's quite a common example and you just know that something's changing, something's shifting.
Now I always like to give you what not to use as a sign and don't confuse this with actually a timing issue because sometimes people think, "We are ready to drop down to one nap now," when actually they're not ready to drop to one nap, they just have the timing of the two naps a little bit off. And so if the timing is off, you might find that you have bedtime struggles and feistiness at bedtime. And it's because the little one is either overtired or untied at bedtime. But that could be because the naps aren't placed quite right for them at this point in time. And that they're not having adequate awake windows or they're too long or too short.
So always look at that first, whether it is timing related. On a two nap schedule, we're usually looking for about three hours in total and no more than three hours a week between sleeps, assuming they're having a good full nap. Short awake windows, if the nap is shorter than we would like, this can be a timing issue that can confuse us and let us think that actually little one's ready to drop a nap. Which might be the worst thing to do. So be sure. How do you go about it? And what steps you take?
Well, there are a few ideas and things that do work differently for different people, but I would definitely, recommend my favorite approach, which is where you nudge the first nap. So the morning nap later, so you extend the morning wake for window.
So instead of waking up at let's say 6:30 and then nap time happening around 9, 9:30, we start pushing that out. Now we want to push it to as close to midday as we can get it. But sometimes especially if these are early stages with your little one making the transition, they're not quite ready to go all the way to midday. And you might find that they are falling asleep on their early lunch. So it might be 11, it might even be 10:30.
https://youtu.be/h5LgdneAUF4
We’re going to be addressing the change to two naps a day, three to two naps a day. When does this happen? How do you know your little one's ready and how do you actually go about it?
First and foremost, when exactly is a little one ready to drop from three naps a day down to two naps a day?
Typically this is going to happen around eight to 10 months. Now that's typically, of course, you will always get little ones that fall outside of this. Of course, you get little ones that are premature and might be working to an adjusted age and some are just not ready until a bit later, but it will usually, more often than not fall in the eight to 10 month area. What signs might you see that confirm that your little one is ready to drop from three naps to two?
Well, assuming you've got three naps established, it's going to be a lot easier to see because you'll know what normally happens and how you normally do your two core naps and probably your third shorter nap because that's often how three naps look. If naps are already a complete and utter shambles and you're like my little one's nine months and still only cat naps for 30 minutes at a time, all over the place anyway, then it is going to be a little harder to see and you might have to go a little bit by age and developmental stage. But if you're lucky enough to see the signs, here's what you may see.
If you have three naps in place already, you might find the third nap, it becomes a little more difficult for your baby to settle for the third nap. So you find that the first two naps are fine, third one, more fussing, suddenly more fussing. And we're eight to 10 months, good chance that they're ready to get rid of that third nap. It could be that the first or second nap actually becomes a bit challenging too. Maybe they are struggling to settle for it or waking up a bit sooner from it than they usually do. And that could be a sign that they are ready to stretch that wakeful window. They're ready to be awake for a bit longer in between sleeps, again, it's telling us that their timings are shifting, the body clock you're shifting and their needs around sleep are shifting, quite possibly to drop from three naps down to two.
What is not a sign is being cranky at bedtime. So if you are thinking, "Oh yeah, my baby's become really cranky at bedtime. And bedtime feels like a real battle, maybe we need to drop one of the naps." That on its own, isn't a sign. And just be really careful because actually that bedtime crankiness could be over tiredness. And by taking a nap out of the equation, you may make that worse. So just be careful and look for other signs and cues along with that, because exclusively just being cranky at bedtime is not a reason to drop a nap.
Moving to a two nap routine, how do you do that? What does it even look like?
When we go down to two naps, we are ideally looking for 90 minutes each, about an hour and a half times two naps. But what we do want is three hours a day. So if we can get three hours total daytime sleep and the spread is roughly even, you are okay, just if one's a little bit longer, the other's a little bit shorter, that's fine but we want them reasonably balanced. What we don't want is one being really short and one being really long, but reasonably balanced would be good. When you're making this transition and know the wakeful window, the wakeful window is around about three hours.
So about three hours awake, then nap one. If we have a full nap one, about three more hours awake, then nap two. If we don't have a full nap one and nap one ends up going wrong or being a bit short, don't go the full wakeful window before nap two, you want to shorten the wakeful window a bit, to make up for the fact that the first nap wasn't long enough.
Whilst you're making this move down to two naps and getting into a nice two nap schedule, you may find your little one is a little bit tired and you might find jus...
https://youtu.be/mw3pxnt3eJk
If you are ready to overcome nap challenges and win a good night's sleep, then you are in the right place! This is all about new baby naps. We're talking about how napping looks in those first months, 0 to six months and everything you need to do to get your little one napping to the best that they can in those early few months.
First and foremost, I just want to say that napping in the early weeks is pretty disorganized. It can be really quite haphazard. They're napping. It feels like they're almost napping 24 hours a day, and taking little sleeps on and off all the way through the 24 hour cycle. And that's normal. So if you're in that phase right now, don't worry, it will get better and it will become more organized and more rhythmic, but it is quite common for it to be a little more disorganized in those early weeks. However, there are things you can do to help to get it a little bit more rhythmic and a bit more organized. Some little ones do fall into this quite naturally really early on. And I find that's often when they are either on the larger side. So they have the capacity to sustain a bit more of their milk, and they're not waking up so much from hunger.
If that's the factor, it can play a part. So their capacity, their weight and their size can have a role in that. That said, there is no reason why a smaller and breastfed baby who obviously we know that breast milk doesn't keep you feeling as full for as long, but there's absolutely no reason why a purely breastfed baby on the smaller side, can't sleep just as well as a larger baby or a formula fed baby. They all can do it. It's just that there are sometimes factors that can play a part in how easy or how challenging it comes.
They may sleep little and often in the beginning and that's okay. What we want to look for is, when can they do their longer stretch and ideally we want that longer stretch to be in the nighttime, not in the daytime. I'm sure some of you can relate to this concept of’ my baby is awake all night, but sleeps all day’.
You can help shift that. We want to get their body clock and their circadian rhythms firing up so that it recognizes, the system recognizes when it's daytime, when it's nighttime. And you can do that with environmental cues, just things like making sure it's light and bright in the day and dark and dim at night. Those are simple signals to the brain as humans to know nighttime sleep, daytime wake up and light gives us stimulation and creates all kinds of chemical releases in the brain that we don't have so much when it's dark. Those things will help your little one to sleep better at nighttime and to feel more stimulated during the daytime. But that said, we do still want the daytime sleep to be there as well.
Other things you can do are to really think about rhythms and cues beyond just the light and dark. And you are one of those things, yourself and how you act and how you relate to your little one. So when it's time for sleep, being in your kind of sleepy mode, which is to be calm, maybe quite placid, softly spoken to a whisper, quite subdued, sort of like nothing to see here, just one person, one on one, not lots of fussing and calm. You can be a sleepy influence on your little one, as opposed to when it's wake time and you've got your full voice. And usually we talk quite rhymingly to our little ones and your face is probably animated with eye contact and all that energy that creates a stimulation and interaction with your little one. So that differentiates when it's time to be awake, to interact, to play, to be stimulated. And when it's time to cut the stimulation out and calm down, they will take a lot of that stimulation influence from you. So it's important that you can adapt to which mode you need to be in.
Another thing that happens a lot with the younger babies with the naps is they often happen on the parents or on the go. And we hear from lots of parents who say,
https://youtu.be/9MO50EID5XE
In this blog I am talking about all things baby naps, the routine behind them and why they're important, we’ll be leaving no stone unturned!
When it comes to napping, why is it so important and why do so many of us get tripped up by these and spend our lives feeling like we are just trying to get the little one to go to sleep?
It feels exhausting just thinking about it, to be honest. First of all, let me just explain that all of us, but particularly babies, we can only be awake for a certain amount of time, in any one stretch, before we need to have a sleep again and top up the tank and replenish ourselves and be ready to go again. As adults, that's usually in one block, in one chunk of the day, or in some cultures, napping is still a big part of life throughout adulthood as well. But babies, and particularly the younger they are, the shorter the amount of time they can go between sleeps and in between their sleeps, they need a nap. They need a chance to catch up and refresh.
Without having those naps what's going to happen is a little one will get over tired and over tiredness is honestly the root of all evil when it comes to sleep, because being overtired actually causes a bigger deterioration in sleep as a whole. So we want to avoid them getting overtired, but also being overtired can cause crash out sleeps, so it can go two ways when you're overtired. It can cause a crash out, zonk out and you think you're winning. You think, "Oh, that is easy. My baby went to sleep easily and had a really good one." Yeah, that's an occasional big crash out catch up. But more often than not, what you see is more crankiness, more difficulty settling, more restless sleep, more disturbed sleep and more premature waking up from the sleep, so we need the naps.
How do you get into a good nap routine and how does it all work?
It's always changing and that's the thing. It's an ever evolving thing as they grow, because as they grow, they can go longer stretches between the sleeps and the sleeps can change in their shape and length. They start smaller, they go up and they go down again, so a new baby, a young baby, will sleep little often, whereas an older one will have maybe one or two longer naps, until they start to drop it completely.
I'm going to be covering all of those stages in the next few blogs, so make sure you come back and check those out as I take you through the different stages. You might find that you are at one stage now and you want to come back and watch one of the other episodes a little later when your little one gets to that age.
For now though let's think about nap rhythmicity and why is this important.
Right from the beginning, if you can tune in to when your little one needs to sleep and how long they can be awake, you're going to help them to create that rhythmicity with their sleeps and with their naps. Knowledge is power with this. Knowing how long your little one is going to be optimally awake, before they need a sleep, is such a key bit of information because they don't tell you and we can't rely on them to show us and tell us. We talk about cues and signals, but usually with sleep, when we see the signals that they're tired like eye rubbing, yawning, crankiness, it's actually too late and we've missed the window.
The ideal sweet spot, there's a 30 minute sweet spot, a 30 minute window where, if you can get your little one to settle to sleep in that 30 minutes, they're more likely to settle with less difficulty and they're more likely to sleep for longer, or for the length of time that they truly need. If you miss that 30 minute sweet spot, you may try too soon and they're under tired. They're not ready to go to sleep yet. But if you miss it the other way and you're too late, they're overtired and it looks the same. They fight it. They resist the sleep because they've gone past that sweet spot. They've released loads of cortisol.
https://youtu.be/MEb0zMGZ09M
In the final part of my little bedtime series, this blog is all about putting a baby down for sleep when you just can't even get them from your arms to down. I know that problem and I have got the solution!
You often find that you are stuck with your baby in your arms or on you and you know they need to lay down. Your arms are aching, you need a bit of free time too. Perhaps you need to express some milk or you've got just a few jobs to do or maybe actually you just deserve to put your feet up and have a rest but you can't relax because babies asleep again on you or perhaps you've even tried the sling, the carrier and they have to sleep in there and yep, you get a bit more space with your arms but let's face it, it's not ideal and it's not sustainable.
It's okay now and again but what I don't want to see is you being in this place where you feel like it's the only way. It's fine if it's a way but if it's the only way and you feel like you actually cannot put your baby down for sleep, that's who this is for. Here are my micro steps for getting a baby down to sleep. This is something that I would recommend people do if they have a heavy reliance.
If baby has got a heavy reliance on being on you to fall to sleep and if you do put your baby down, that's it, they're awake, they're crying again and you're like, ugh, it's just not worth it. This is something that I would also recommend for some people prior to starting my fade out approach because, the micro steps are what you need to do first. Once we've got through these steps then we can start step one of the fade out. What do we do? First thing you do, change the hold.
If your baby typically falls asleep being held in your arms, try the shoulder position. If it's a shoulder position, try a side position. Change the position in some way. We want it to be noticeable. We want baby to be, hang on this isn't right. If they don't really care, try something a little bit different. It's not a big enough stretch of their comfort zone. Try something that's enough for them to be, hang on a minute, I'm not sure if I like this. We want them to notice it. Why? Because as I say, it's stretching the comfort zone. It's showing them that, hey, look, I've changed something but you are still okay. I'm still right here. You're still with me. You're still touching me. I'm still here for you. So they're realizing that, oh, there's a small change but I'm still safe. This is okay, I've got this. So make it subtle but significant. That sounds like a complete contradiction doesn't it, subtle but significant, but there's a reason, subtle but significant enough that they are aware of it.
Next?. Think about creating a small amount of distance, small bits of distance each time. Perhaps you change the hold. We've now stretched the comfort zone there. Now can we create a bit of distance. Can we hold them in a way that's slightly further away. If it's a chest thing, can we get away from there? Sometimes people will do the lap hold so you're sitting and you're holding baby, cradling them but in a forward feet to tummy and head in hands way across the lap so there's a bit more distance there. Can you find a way to hold in a way that creates a bit more distance?
When changing the hold and creating distance, you could also change parents. If it's always mummy that does it try daddy, if it's always daddy that does it try mummy, that can also be an option to make a small change but whilst still giving that comfort and reassurance. Whilst you're doing that, whilst you're changing the hold and creating that little bit of extra distance we want to reinforce other forms of comfort. A great one is the shush. The shush sound, it's a white noise sound that's reassuring. So reinforcing shushes, even if you don't think your baby needs it, you're going to use it later. By reinforcing the comfort of shush or whatever sound you want to make, really whispers,
https://youtu.be/GR1o5o1pPhE
This blog in the bedtime miniseries is all about how you settle a baby to sleep at bedtime. I will be revealing what settling to sleep actually means and what it looks like. Why it's important and how it's going to help you with the whole picture of sleep all around and how to actually do it.
Settling a baby to sleep. When we settle to sleep, us, children, babies, we call that part of sleep, the sleep onset. Meaning exactly what it says, it's the onset of the sleep, it's the beginning of the sleep, and it's how sleep comes about. So a baby will go through sleep onset several times a day because they'll go through the sleep onset at bedtime, then they will go through sleep onset for their naps. That's what sleep onset is, and so to settle a baby to sleep, we need to help them to get good at their sleep onset.
But why? Why do we need to do that? Why is it important? Why can't we just rock them or push them around in a pram until they go to sleep and that's fine?
Well, if that's fine and it works for you and you are happy, then that is fine. But here's why it's important to help a little one with their sleep onset. When a little one knows how to go to sleep and they can put themselves through that sleep onset effectively without needing you to do it for them, they're more likely to take the longer, more substantial stretches of sleep that their body actually wants and is ready for. Then when that cycle of sleep comes to an end, they're more likely to drift off into the next cycle of sleep like a miniature sleep onset. They're likely to repeat it almost subconsciously and go into the next sleep cycle, meaning to you is an even longer stretch of sleep. But for them it's lots of small stretches pushed together.
They'll get better at falling back to sleep as well when they wake between cycles or partially wake. And it will also help with naps because when they settle to sleep at the start of the nap, they're more likely to take the full length of naps that they need rather than waking up after 30 minutes and going, "Hang on, I'm stuck. I need to do that sleep onset thing again." It's really important for all round health of a baby's sleep, and it's one of the first things you can teach them in terms of self-regulation. Because as they fall to sleep and they go through their sleep onset, they're actually calming and soothing in ways that you don't even see.
So how? How do you do it? It sounds blissful, but how? It's not that simple, is it? Well, it's all about practice and you can practice from very early on. But the more you practice, eventually, they're going to get good at it like anything. They can't just do it all of a sudden, one day, magically, it takes practice. For people who have this sense that, "Well, they're not going to have a hard time falling asleep forever. They'll get up eventually." Yeah, they will, but through practice, and whether that's practice that you are consciously helping them to do or whether they just get there eventually through their own practice, then it's still practice.
But it could take years, and I mean years, if you don't consciously help and guide them.
Here's the best message I can give to any new parent and any parent of a baby, but also if you have a toddler or a slightly older one, you can still take this on board and you can still do this.
It's as that parent, as that caregiver, when it comes to the sleep onset, think about not doing the whole job for them, and that's it. Don't do it all for them. Help, assist, guide, support. Those things are all great, that's your role, but don't just do it for them. Think about that and further on in childhood, you're not going to just do the homework for them when they find it hard. You're not going to ride their bike for them because they haven't got that skill yet.
You don't do things for them, you help them, you encourage them, you show them how, you support them as they learn.
https://youtu.be/zTY5iPdjwl8
This is the second in my mini series about bedtimes, and we are going to be delving into what you do when you have a toddler who is getting up and down at bedtime and they just won't stay in their beds. You know what I mean? I'm sure when we've all been there. I'm going to be answering the key questions to help you overcome that exact battle.
A toddler, particularly, getting up and down, getting out of bed repeatedly at bedtime when you know they're tired and you know they just need to go to sleep, it's so frustrating. All you want is to have that blissful little bedtime story, say goodnight and have a bit of an evening for yourself as well. Or maybe you have other children to tend to, but this one is dominating and taking up all of your evening. And then you end the day feeling stressed and fed up and resentful about the whole situation, rather than feeling fulfilled and satisfied, and having that lovely bedtime that you and your family deserve.
What can we do about this? How can we stop a little one from getting up and down from their bed?
We've told them. We've asked them. We've tried reward charts, and they still do it. Why? Why, Why? Why? Well, there is the question and this is the answer. The likely reason that your little one is getting up repeatedly and not staying put in bed is probably to do with the response that comes when they do it. What do I mean by that? What happens when your little one gets out of bed? Do you walk them back and tuck them in? Do you walk them back and tuck them in 10 times, then get cross and end up frustrated and telling them off. Or do you end up finding it funny and having a laugh? Do you show any forms of frustration or any forms of a game? Because likely your toddler either thinks it's a game or they're getting something out of an interaction.
Now, when I say getting something out of it, it doesn't have to be positive. Little ones will enjoy any kind of interaction. They're not really so bothered about whether it's positive or negative. Whether you're praising them for it or telling them that's not what we want to see, they don't really care. They're getting that response from you so they'll keep doing it because they're getting the engagement. So what does your response look like? Now, some might say well, what then? Shall I just ignore them? That's not likely to work either because they'll just keep probing you and they'll just keep coming, and they're not really getting a direction from you.
So how do you give a consistent and appropriate response to actually getting that little one to stay in bed? Well, the key word I said there is consistent. It needs to be consistent. The likelihood is, and we all do this, is that you send a big bunt of mixed messages. So the first time it's, "Come on now, back to bed." The second time it's, "Shh, shh. Lie down, get into bed." The third time you pick them up from the landing and carry them back and then tuck them in and say "Enough now. Go to bed." And you're sounding firmer. Maybe the third time they've asked for water so you've gone off and got them a cup of water. Maybe the fourth time mummy's had enough so daddy's come in and had a go. And it just is all mixed, mixed, mixed. Okay. And then little one might start testing other things like oh, what if I play with these toys? Or what if I move these things around? They like to strip beds, demand different pillows and all kinds of things to delay things and mix it up.
And what they're doing is actually completely normal and part of intelligent brain development. They're testing if I do this, then what do you do? If I change my behaviour, will you change your behaviour? And they're testing to see well, when I do, what's this action going to get as a response? So your role as the parent is to give a consistent response, no matter what the action. If it's just a little get up, same response. If it's throwing teddies around the room, same response.
https://youtu.be/QCYdKWfdK3s
Do you find yourself dreading bedtime every evening and feeling like, "Oh no, bedtime is coming again." It's a battle, it's exhausting, and you just want your little ones to go to sleep happily. In this blog I'm going to be talking about routine, particularly the bedtime routine. Why it's important, when you can start it, and what it should look like..
Routine. Bedtime routine. What should that look like for kids? And why is it important?
The thing with a bedtime routine is it sets the scene that sleep time is coming and not just a nap, but that big, long sleep time. So even for us, as adults, teenagers, older children, we all really benefit from having that routine at bedtime. It also really helps to encourage the circadian rhythm, which is the body clock to stay into a nice, healthy rhythm. Meaning we tend to know instinctively when it's night time, when it's daytime. And studies have shown that even as adults, if we have a consistent bedtime every evening, we go to bed at the same time every evening, start the day at roughly at the same time every day, we are more likely to get better quality sleep, fall asleep more easily, and just feel fresher and brighter when we wake for the day. So it's important to instil this in our little ones right from the get go.
Bedtime routine with children, it's like an instruction. It's like a trigger. It's a cue. So not only does it give them that rhythmicity, it's time to go to big sleep now, we have a big sleep, we start the day, we have meals, we have naps maybe. It's time for that big sleep again. It creates that rhythmicity and health in sleep. So it's really important and you can actually start a bedtime routine from as early as just a couple of weeks. So once you have your new baby home and you feel like you've got over the childbirth part and you're starting to think about these things. It's not really too early because a bedtime routine with a newborn is just going to be simply setting the scene with a few triggers and cues, a darkened room, perhaps that last milk feed, a lullaby, maybe a gentle rock or a placing down, the steps you do to put that little one down for sleep at bedtime is a bedtime routine.
It doesn't matter how subtle it is, but those little triggers and cues from the environment can make a huge impact on a new baby and set them up really, really well for healthy good nourishing sleep. You can never start too soon.
What actually can you put into a bedtime routine?
Well, that is going to change and evolve as your little one grows. I'm sure what you do in your bedroom routine has changed over the years as well. So it will change. But with children, the key thing to remember with bedtime routine is to do the same steps in the same order at pretty much the same time for bedtimes. So for example, once you decide bedtime is coming, that's the start of the bedtime routine and it ends with them going to sleep. So everything we do needs to be leading towards sleep.
We want to come away from the normal busyness of the daytime and the atmosphere of daytime, which might mean we go from being downstairs in kitchen, living room, busy areas to we say goodnight to any other family members and one person so that it's less stimulating, take the little one to the bathroom. You do your bathroom activity, whether that's a bath or a shower or just a little wash, whether it's baby massage, applying lotion or kick about with no nappy, again, whatever stage your little one is at, your routine steps may look slightly different, but bathroom activity will happen. They've all got to brush their teeth at some point. So we're going to have our bathroom activity and then from there into the room that they will sleep in. Now this bit is important. So many people will go and do the bathroom a bit and then go and watch some TV or take them to another room or then see another five family members and it's all stimulating again.
https://youtu.be/afjTYssbN5s
How did the spring clock change go? How has it been with that one hour forward that the clocks just did to us? Have you managed to get over that yet? Are you feeling like you're on track with the new time and feeling refreshed by spring, or are you a walking zombie and feeling exhausted because that one hour, it feels like a huge jet lag to you?
It affects everybody differently. Some manage that change way more smoothly than others, and both adults and children. How have your children been? Have they been sensitive to it or breezed it? This kind of thing, these clock changes are really, really impactful on the human body and brain in a way that lots of people don't even realize. You think it's just one hour, but it can have a massive, massive impact.
In fact, a Swedish study that showed the risk of having a heart attack actually increases on the weekdays after the spring forward clock change. That's a massive, massive factor. Both the clock changes have been linked with increased road traffic accidents, accidents in the workplace, and injuries due to accidents in the work place, it does crazy things to our minds and brains. Just one measly hour. It can have that much of an effect. And so actually the subtle differences you might see could just be sheer tiredness, maybe a little bit more moody, clingy, grumpy, fractious kiddies, or maybe not quite such patient parents. It could be anything. But just know that you're not alone and actually that it's not just one measly hour. It's a big impact on the body.
I hope that it is going well for you and that you are managing to get over the difference in the clock change. But here are some ideas for you if you're struggling or if you're like, "Oh my God, it's the worst thing. Ever since the clock changed, my child's sleep's gone completely off track." And I'm going to be hearing this for the next few weeks, if not a few months, because this is what always happens. The clocks change, and then parents call us and go, "Ah, it's all gone wrong."
So to help you and to hope that it doesn't all go wrong, the biggest and most important thing that I can recommend that you do is get into routine or rhythm right now that is in line with the time now. Make sure that you are starting the day and your little one is awake and starting the day, at the same time, every day, rather than having lie ins some days and up early on other days, try to start the day at roughly the same time every day. Try to ensure that they are having adequate daytime sleep if they are still young enough, and that those sleeps happen at the same times of day, each day, where possible. I know that's not always as easy as it sounds.
Make sure that you and your little ones are all going to bed at pretty close to the same time every evening. And that can be hard for us adults, especially, the weekend comes stay up a little bit later, but if you're struggling with this clock change, that kind of rhythm is going to really help you. Start the day at the same time every day and end the day at the same time every day, your body will thank you. It will know where it's coming from. It will be like, "Okay, good. This is nighttime. This is daytime." And it will get into that rhythm a whole lot quicker and easier.
Something that will also help and add to that are things like meal times. So eating at regular times, similar times, each day will also help. Again, it's sending your body those cues and those messages of the rhythm of your day and then that sleep time comes. So it's going to prepare the body better. It also, without going too sciencey on you, it also will have an effect and impact on things like the melatonin production, which is your sleep hormones. It will help to trigger you for sleep, rather than you fighting against it and trying to get yourself to sleep when you don't want to or vice versa, wanting to sleep badly and just not being able to that's the worst.
Routines,
https://youtu.be/G5YFLDw01f0
We have got the strategies for to help you and your little ones be able to handle the spring clock change where the clocks go forward an hour. We are going to recap my three preferred approaches that I believe can help any one of you to get your little one sleeping soundly through this clock change. Make sure you keep reading to get a plan in place to leap forward into Spring.
The first approach to managing this clock change is the gradual approach. Now, this approach is where you are going to move bedtime earlier by 15 minutes each night, starting on Wednesday. The clocks change on the last Sunday of the month at night. So Wednesday night we go 15 minutes earlier than usual, Thursday night, another 15 minutes, so we're 30 minutes earlier than usual. On Friday night, we're going to move another 15 minutes, so we'll be 45 minutes earlier going to bed than usual.
That way by Saturday night we are that last 15 minutes earlier. So we are a whole hour earlier than the usual bedtime. If bedtime is normally or sleep time is normally 7:00 PM, that means that we are going to move that in 15 minute increments until we are at 6:00 PM. This is the gradual approach. Now what this means is, by Saturday night, your little one goes to bed a whole hour earlier than normal, but they haven't really felt that great big drastic jump in change of bedtime.
Meaning they can sleep for their usual number of hours through the night, but wake up at their usual wake up time because the clocks will have moved during the night on that Saturday night into Sunday. The gradual approach is definitely the best way to go if you have a younger baby or a young child who's very sensitive to small things. If they notice every little difference, if there's somebody who notices difference in feel, environment, sound, little time changes, then this is going to be the right approach for them. Big change doesn't work for them.
If you have a slightly older one or a really easygoing baby, who's just really quite flexible, maybe they're not quite so rigid in their timings and can manage a bigger difference without it really noticing, then you might want to take one of the next two approaches. So the second one is to meet in the middle, it's a half an hour difference. So instead of going to bed at your usual time of let's say 7:00 P.M. We are going to go earlier by 30 minutes at 6:30 P.M. on the Saturday night.
So you just change nothing up until Saturday night, 30 minutes, we're going to meet in the middle with the clock change, and that way the night sleep is going to be taking us roughly to the same wake up time in the morning with that change of time in the night. It's good for those who, the whole hour earlier to bed would be too much, but they don't really need those tiny little changes each night from Wednesday.
The third option is the all in one go. One fell swoop, we just move bedtime earlier by one hour on Saturday night so that they sleep for their normal number of hours and wake up at the new time on Sunday. It's as simple as that, it's a whole hour earlier, but it's really quite tricky to do that with a child who is just not tired an hour earlier. So this is going to work great for somebody who's over tired, who's really ready for sleep and could quite easily go to bed an hour earlier.
I bet a lot of you could do that. But if you have a little one who's maybe still having a nap during the day, or they're just not going to be tired enough to go to bed a whole hour earlier, especially little ones that are taking lots of naps still, they're probably not going to be ready to move bedtime by a whole hour earlier, and therefore you're going to want more of a gradual approach. It's very different to the autumn clock change when we move the bedtime later, because it's a lot easier to keep yourself awake longer, or to keep a little on awake longer than it is to make somebody tired sooner. That's the big difference.
https://youtu.be/Ug2MT5iNHok
When the clocks go forward and we spring forward an hour, how do we get the best from our little ones sleep and how do we avoid them completely coming off track and not being able to sleep very well, this is Part 3 of the Clock Change miniseries and I am giving you my third approach and option, which is the All In One Go approach. I'm going to explain to you how this is different in the spring to how it works in the autumn, and why you may or may not want to go with this option.
Let me explain how the All In One Go works. It's actually quite simple, in that, you just move the bedtime earlier by one hour, all in one go, and you do that on the Saturday night. So the clocks are going to change during the night between Saturday and Sunday. When you go to bed on Saturday, they're going to change by the time you've woken up on Sunday. And the All In One Go approach is to move bedtime earlier on that Saturday night. So if your little one is usually going to bed and falling asleep for 7:00 PM, on Saturday night, we're going to make it 6:00 PM, a whole hour different. That way, when they go to sleep, they will sleep their normal number of hours through the night, and then wake up at their normal wake up time, because the clock will have jumped forward an hour during sleep.
That sounds pretty straightforward, right? That's pretty simple, we just move bedtime earlier by an hour. But here's some reasons why you may or may not want to go for this. This approach means that you need to be able to go to sleep one hour earlier than you normally would, a whole hour earlier. Now, normally I would say, if your little one is very sensitive to change and to times, if they're a younger baby and they're taking lots of naps in the day, then every minute really counts, and they're going to notice this is a big jump, it's a big expectation. Whereas, the easier-going ones and often the older children can normally cope with a bigger change, like a whole hour change in one go.
But that's a lot easier to do in the autumn than it is in the spring. Why? Because in the autumn, we move our bedtime later by an hour. And it is much easier for the human body to stay awake for an extra hour than it is to go to sleep an hour sooner, because you have to be tired enough. We can be tired and keep ourselves awake an extra hour, more easily than we can make ourselves sleepy enough to go to sleep an hour earlier. And that's one of the biggest differences in the spring compared to the autumn clock change.
So have a think about how your little one might be. Do you think they are tired enough to go to bed an hour earlier?
In some cases, this could be the perfect opportunity if you know that your little one is exhausted, has been maybe really struggling and needs some extra sleep. And actually, going to bed an hour earlier might be the absolute best possible thing, and here's a great opportunity for it. But on the flip side, if you think, "No way, my little one will not be tired." Perhaps they're still having a nap in the day and it just won't work, or maybe you need to alter something there to make it work. But if you just think that falling asleep an hour earlier is not going to happen, then in that case, you want to have a look back at the last two blogs where I covered different approaches to make this a bit more gradual and make the transition a little less sudden, and help take the time with it.
There is no right or wrong answer here, just options and suggestions to try to smooth that change into the new clock time, it’ about what is best for your child.
I'd love to know which approach you're going for with this coming clock change, why not pop us a message over on our social media to let us know and how it goes.
Take care, sleep well and if you want to know even more about sleep before then why not download my Sweet Dreams videos full of tips and tricks for getting your little ones to sleep soundly.
https://youtu.be/uHbO5GjBnj0
This week I am continuing the March miniseries, on the different tips and strategies for managing the clock changes, particularly the clock change where we spring forward and the clocks go forward by an hour. So how can we help our little ones adjust when the clocks go forward an hour?
Last week we went through a very gradual approach in the last episode, so this week, I'm giving you what I call meet in the middle.
When it comes to meeting in the middle with this clock change, what that means is, quite simply, you meet the time change halfway. So, if bedtime is normally 7:00 PM, and we know that during the night, once they've gone to bed on Saturday, when they wake up on Sunday, the clocks will have moved forward an hour. So we're going to meet in the middle and split that difference. So instead of going to bed that whole hour earlier at 6:00 PM, we're going to just go half an hour earlier and go to bed at 6:30.
So bedtime's normally 7:00 PM. Put them to bed 30 minutes earlier at 6:30 or whatever the time may be. The key is, when you meet in the middle, you go to bed 30 minutes earlier. It's as simple as that, really straightforward.
Now, why is this a good approach?
This is a good approach because we are not trying to adjust our sleep pattern by a whole hour in one go. But we also know that we are ready for a big enough jump. We can manage half an hour difference as a general rule, so if your little one can manage half an hour earlier, you know that they're tired enough and can settle 30 minutes earlier, then great. This could be a really good approach for you. It means that they can still sleep for close to their usual number of sleep hours in the night without waking up at a drastically different time in the morning when the clocks have gone forward. It just helps try and keep them roughly on track and move them into that new time.
So who is this for and who isn't this for? The very gradual approach, moving 15 minute increments from Wednesday night, is a really good approach for the very sensitive types and the younger babies, and those are napping quite a lot, where a few minutes really counts to their schedule. This ‘meet in the middle’ approach would be more suited to perhaps toddlers or even young children who maybe are napping once a day or not napping anymore, but you still wouldn't really be able to push them to go a whole hour earlier to bed, because that might be too extreme for them.
One of the pitfalls could be that you go for it but they just lie there and they don't fall asleep, or they mess about, or they're fussing. And you think, oh, well, I tried, but they didn't actually go to sleep any earlier. Don't worry. At least you tried. See how long they do that night. Take the next day on the new time, and see if getting to bed a little bit earlier the next day helps, because that might be the answer too. You’ll be giving the brain all the right signals when you put them to bed that now is sleep time, and they should be starting to move into that new time for their body clocks, so it's worth doing. But if you suspect maybe they are going to just not be sleepy, then it could be worth having a look at the more gradual approach to this, so that we're nudging that body clock slightly each night, over a number of nights, before we get to that Saturday night, and when the clocks are going to change in the night.
Next week I am going to tell you about the one fell swoop, all in one go option, and why you may or may not choose to do that. So come back to me and check that one out. But in the meantime, sleep soundly and get ready, because spring is on its way.
Why not book a discovery call to find out more about sleep plans for your little one.
https://youtu.be/9ZpWUDoA2ro
In this week’s blog post I am going to be talking all about clock changes and baby sleep, I’ll share with you different strategies and different tips for how you can manage the clock changes, particularly this time, the spring forward clock change, where the clocks go forward by one hour, focusing on how you can do that in gradual little steps to make that change really, really easy.
Read on if you want to know exactly how to do it so that you are all prepared and equipped and ready for that spring clock change.
When you are helping your baby or young child to move with the clock change going forwards one hour, this is an approach you can take to make things gradual and subtle so that they don’t really notice it too much. This is what I like to call the gradual approach.
What we do is we start on the Wednesday before the clock change. Now the clocks change technically on the Sunday, but let’s just say it’s in the night, on a Saturday night. During the night sleep, the clocks are going to go forward an hour between Saturday and Sunday. So we’re going to start on the Wednesday. On Wednesday, we are going to move the bedtime earlier by 15 minutes. We’re going to do the same on Thursday and on Friday, so that by Saturday we have got to a whole hour earlier. Let’s break that down for you.
If bedtime as in sleep time is usually, 7:00 PM, we are going to move the bedtime on Wednesday night earlier by 15 minutes. So we’re going to move that to 6:45. Now we’re going to move it 15 minutes to 6:45 on Wednesday. We’re going to move it another 15 minutes to 6:30 on Thursday. We’re going to move it another 15 minutes, so we are at 6:15 sleep time by Friday. And then by Saturday night at bedtime, we are asleep for 6:00 PM instead of 7:00 PM. We’ve moved it by 15 minutes earlier each night. When we put a little one to sleep at 6:00 PM on Saturday night, during the night, the clocks are going to jump forward an hour, meaning that your little one will take the same amount of sleep to wake up at the usual regular wake-up time.
For example, if they normally sleep 12 hours, they’re going still sleep 12 hours and wake at 7:00 AM, even though the clocks went forward by an hour.
This is the approach that I would recommend you take if you have a younger baby, a baby that’s still taking several naps a day, or a little one to whom small changes make a big difference. If they’re very sensitive to subtleties and changes, then this is going to be a good approach for them because it is so subtle and gradual that it isn’t something they’re going to massively notice or massively impact them because just little increments. So that’s who this is for. It would particularly be the younger ones. Older children, probably we would look at one of my other approaches, which are coming up in the next blog posts this month.
If they are on the younger side or the particularly sensitive side, or really super alert, they’re going to need a very subtle gradual approach like this. So I hope that you find this useful and if this is the approach for you, you’ve got plenty of time now to get ready for that, when that clock change comes later in the month.
Take care and sleep soundly.
If you want help with your little one’s sleep to make sure they and you are getting the sleep that you need why not book in for a free discovery call with one of our Coaches to find out more and get a plan tailored to you.
https://youtu.be/4rOipotARoc
I’m going to answer the golden question today. “When will my baby sleep through the night?”
I know just how important the answer to this question is, especially when you have your first baby and you think, “Okay, waking in the night, waking the night, I know this is going to happen, but how long is going to happen for?” And when you start hearing friends or other new mums going, “Well, my baby’s sleeping through,” and you think, “Oh, why isn’t mine? What’s going on?” So right here, right now we are going to set the record and your expectations straight so that you know what to expect and when and how you can help things along a little bit as well.
First of all, let’s just acknowledge the fact that they are all different. All babies are different and some will be ready before others. That is true, but also sometimes a baby is ready and quite capable of sleeping for longer stretches if we just tweaked a little bit of the parenting strategy that we are doing. So it’s a partnership. It’s them being ready and us accommodating it as well, we want to work in harmony with our babies to help them to sleep the very best they can, as soon as they can.
So, yes they are all different, but I’ve known babies to be able to sleep through as early as three months. And I know that typically six months is the target that lots of people set their minds to, and there are reasons for that, that are to do with their body clock, their circadian rhythm development, all kinds of reasons, but tal babies are different.
You also have to ask what does sleeping through the night mean to you? Because that can be different too. You might be thinking, “Well, for as long as I sleep. I want my baby to sleep for eight hours through read the night and I don’t want to hear a peep.” Or you might be thinking, “Oh gosh, no, just five hours would be fine.” In actual fact five or six hours of continuous sleep is the technical term for sleeping through the night.
I personally would define sleeping through as when you put your little one to bed and you don’t hear from them, they don’t need your assistance until they wake up in the morning, which would be after 6:00 AM. That’s my definition, my personal goal and target. When I say I want to help a baby to be sleeping through the night, that’s what I’m setting my sights on.
We should also acknowledge the fact that we actually do all wake in the night so that won’t just be solid sleep. Not for you, not for baby, not for any living human being. We all have little wake-ups in the night. Sometimes they are micro wakings, we barely even know they’ve happened to us. We just settle back off into the next sleep cycle. Other times they’re more vivid or you fully wake up or you go to the bathroom or you shift your pillow. But for babies and young children, before they’ve developed the ability to put themselves to sleep and to put themselves back to sleep, which is a learned skill, it comes with practice. But before they have that, when they wake, they will cry and their cry is just a simple means of them saying, “I’m awake, come and help me. I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do here.” And they’re looking for your assistance.
Completely understandable, but it takes our time and practice and strategies to help them to get better and better at that. Just like we help them with learning to ride a bike or learning to use the bathroom or learning anything, we will help and show them until they’ve mastered it. And it’s the same with settling and resettling to sleep. So you can make a difference to this. It definitely lies with you. Will your baby eventually learn to just sleep on their own? Yes. But it might take seven or eight years in some cases and I’m not exaggerating. It might. They might get it within two years. Maybe you’ll be lucky. But if you take a conscious approach to helping them, to paving the way, accommodating their sleep as best you can, it’s going to stand them in a much better stead to get to the best of their abilities sooner.
You can make a difference. It’s not about preventing your baby from waking in the night. It’s about how you respond when they wake in the night. And how you respond to a newborn is going to be very different to how you respond to a two year old, it’s of course going to be different. And right now we are talking mainly about new babies and newborns, because we are talking about when can I expect them to be doing better and sleeping better? If you’re looking for strategies for older babies and toddlers and beyond, there are other blog posts and I also have YouTube videos that cover that.
For those of you with newborns and new babies, you are in the early weeks, you’re in those first couple of months and you’re thinking, “When are they going to sleep longer?”
It will depend upon their capacity to sustain their food. So they’ve had enough milk and they are not hungry for more than sort of four hours, because early on, they will be hungry between every two and four hours. But once they can sustain themselves for a bit longer and they don’t need milk, that will be one factor. And that’s going to depend on birth weight and efficiency of feeding. There’s going to be loads of factors that affect that part. And then when they have wake-ups anyway, because not every wake-up is hunger. So your baby might wake up not because they’re hungry. Maybe you just fed them and you’re like, “Oh no, they’re awake again and they’re crying. What is it?”It could be discomfort, could be digestion, could just be a waking. They’re just awake going, “Okay, I’ve finished that sleep cycle. How do I get into the next one?”
This is where they need you to come and reassure them and help them along a little bit. Learning what those wake-ups mean and the response that you need to bring is key. If you just, every single time, go and give them milk and rock them back off to sleep, they’re going to keep waking up really, really frequently and become reliant on that to put them back to sleep.
If you can start to distinguish, “Okay, this is hunger. I’m going to feed my baby.” “Okay. This can’t be hunger. Let’s try a little winding. Oh yes, it was wind. Now we are good. Okay. We can settle back off.” If it’s just, “Oh, I can’t get to sleep.” It’s really hard. It is really hard. And the longer you go through the night, the closer you get to morning time, the more difficult it is for a baby to fall back to sleep, because they’ve banked up quite a bit. It’s not easy.
They’re not just going to zonk out now because they’re shattered. They’re actually going to have to really work at it and that’s hard. So they need more help from you and soothing and reassurance is all fine. It’s all helpful. But just try and take a level of awareness, just be self-aware of, “How much am I helping them to do it and how much am I actually doing it for my baby?”
Don’t get me wrong, you’re going to do it for your baby. For a newborn baby, you’re going to rock them to sleep, you’re going to feed them to sleep, you’re going to probably do all the things, but just being aware of how much you are doing and how much they’re doing. And when you spot the opportunity of, “Okay, baby’s not fully asleep, but we are nice and calm, I’m just going to try and put them down and just finish off the soothing, maybe some little pats or little gentle strokes in the sleep space rather than on me.” That tiny little exposure to having that little bit of time laying in their sleep space will benefit them no end. That little bit of practice will go a long way. It will soon pay off if you keep that going.
In those early few months, it really is a lot about just awareness from you, awareness of how much you are doing and awareness of little opportunities you can give them just to have that practice and sensation and maybe they’ll get so far and then they’ll need another cuddle or they’ll need another little reset and a bit of soothing. And then they can try again. We are not expecting them to be self-settling or sleeping through, but we can just give them these little micro exposures to practice that in a few months time, you are going to see the fruits of your labor.
So enjoy practicing with your new baby and I wish you all the best sleep-filled nights.
Take care, sleep well and if you want help with getting a good night’s sleep why not book a FREE Sleep Discovery Call today.
https://youtu.be/-sctCzeeBRY
One of the most asked questions is how you can get your new baby to do the very best they can with their sleep.
Now, we all know that newborns aren’t going to sleep through the night. In fact none of us do, but what’s the best they could be doing and are they doing that? And more importantly, how can we instill some really basic strategies as a parent, actual parenting techniques, to encourage healthier sleep from them as they develop and they grow and as they’re ready? This is a really exciting topic and something I wish I knew when I had my first baby, in fact this should be in the New Baby Bible that we need to be given when we have a baby for the first time.
Now, it’s not really sleep training. Sleep training is something that I would reserve for the six month age bracket and beyond, maybe just before that. But when we’re talking about new babies and newborns, lots of people use the idea or the phrase, sleep shaping, and I think that’s more appropriate. I like to call it sleep prep because we’re just preparing them to become a good sleeper.
So we are going to do some sleep prep. And this isn’t about the baby really doing anything. This is parenting strategies that are kindly and lovingly going to just set the scene and show them the way and really just create that space and that environment for them to do the very best that they can with their sleep, which brings me nicely on to my very first point, which is environment.
The environment is absolutely key and the first and most simple thing that you can use to help your baby to recognize things, to give them cues and triggers, and it will even help encourage their circadian rhythm, which is their body clock, which will help them recognize night from day, sleep-time from awake-time. In time, they’ll get this, but by showing that from the beginning, that’s really going to help them get there sooner.
So how can you do that with night and day? Well, obviously you’ve got light and dark, so we want lights on or daylight coming in when it’s daytime and we want to black out the daylight or have all the lights off and have it nice and dark when it’s nighttime; that is a simple day/night differentiation. But also with naps, it’s fine when they’re having their daytime sleep to make it a little bit darker. If they’re in their cot or in their sleep space, in a bedroom, I would absolutely close the curtains and make it nice and dark because darkness promotes the production of melatonin, which is the sleepy hormone. And light is actually going to interfere with that a bit and make it a little bit harder.
Of course, they will still produce melatonin and they will still have a sleep in the light, new babies do. You’ve seen that, they’ll sleep anywhere. They’ll sleep in a pram or in a noisy restaurant. They will sleep anywhere, but by showing them this and by helping them along with those rhythms, it will help to create that rhythmicity in their body of sleep-time, wake-time, sleep-time, wake-time, rather than relying on things like the motions of prams or the bottle or the this or the that, to get them to sleep, so it’s just really good practice.
The other thing that is a factor in the environment is you. You are a part of the environment around them. When you are fully animated, making eye contact and directly engaging, that’s what I call daytime mode, full voice comes out and you might be sing-songy and you’re cheerful with your child, and you’re just all expressive; that’s a daytime version of you.
The nighttime version of you goes to just whisper. No voice comes out and just really bland and boring, trying to keep your facial expressions pretty neutral. You’re not cross or grumpy, but you are also not all animated and engaging. Think “Nothing to see here,” Zen-zone and quiet and calm. And I say bland and boring, because I think that’s the best way to explain it because as your baby grows, and as they become more aware and alert and into what’s going on, taking all these signals in, they’ll start to recognize that this animated, awake you is associated with awake-time, versus the bland and boring version of you that is associated with sleep-time. Bland and boring, nighttime you will mean that they won’t feel compelled, or you won’t be engaging them and stimulating them with that engagement from your awake mode. So if you can adopt those two modes, daytime mode and nighttime mode, you’ll find that that will actually pay off massively over the coming months. So do it from the beginning, get in that practice.
Second, bedtime routine. Now, you can start a bedtime routine with a baby right from the beginning. Once those initial couple of weeks have passed and things have settled it’s time to start thinking about what your daily routine at home will look like.
Now, routine at this age, babies, newborns, does not need to be rigid or regimented at all. It just needs to contain a couple of simple steps that are flexible, but that you do each evening. You are setting the scene, setting the environment and to prepare them that the nighttime is coming, which in time will be their longer stretch of sleep. That’s when you want it.
Remember though, at first it won’t happen like that. To start with we’re just showing them that this is nighttime now, this is different. I would highly recommend that whatever happens in terms of whether you are bathing them or not, or a quick wash or whatever you do in the bathroom, you then go to the room they are going to sleep in for the night, which is typically parents’ room. And you finish off your bedtime routine in that room. So that’s probably going to be the last daytime feed, because then they’re going to be night feeds. So once the last daytime feed is done, maybe you have a little lullaby and that they settle to sleep there either there in your arms or in their crib it’s not important where they settle at this point.
The important part is that it’s in that bedroom and it’s in that environment. Why? Because that’s where they’re going to wake up. When they have their stirrings in the night or when they wake up for a feed, we want them to see that, “Yep, this is where I was last,” and it will really help and create that nighttime sleep environment.
Now I know you’re probably thinking, “Well, yes, but Lucy that’s 6:00 PM, 6:30 PM. I’m not going to just stay in the bedroom all night long, all evening.” That’s okay. If you want to settle them into a carry cot or Moses basket or mobile sleep carrier that you can, then once they’re asleep, you can then take them to the sitting room or wherever you’re going to be, and I would keep it reasonably dim and not too loud and lairy, but being respectful that little one’s sleeping and have them close by so that you can obviously be with them and monitor them and keep a close eye on them. It’s just that going to sleep in the bedroom is really good practice right from the beginning.
Keep your nighttime mode that I talked about, keep that going through the night, so for example if you are changing a nappy, you’re doing it in nighttime mode. You’re very shush. You’re very boring. It’s matter of fact, it’s duh-duh-duh, nappy changed. Keep it as dark as possible, enough to see what you’re doing and then done. Don’t be all, “Oh, we’re going to change your nappy,” and then let’s have some fun. Even if they seem quite wakeful or playful, we want to show them, “Yeah, that’s lovely but it’s nighttime now,” okay? So keep your nighttime mode up because then when it’s morning, so when it’s beyond 6:00 AM, you then can respond to them and approach them with full animation, the lights can be on, and then you’re going to help again to encourage that circadian rhythm and that wake up time. It’s daytime now.
The final tip I want to give you, and this is a big one, and this is really important, is to try to get into a rhythm of feeding upon waking. So what I mean by that is they wake for the day, it’s morning time, we’re going to take them out of their sleep environment, into a wakeful environment and they have their first feed. We have some activity time, and then they’re going to have a nap. When they wake up from the nap, they have a milk feed, they have some activity time, then they’re going to have another nap and so on. And this carries on all day.
Then at bedtime, that’s the one exception. That’s the one time where they are going to have a feed before their nighttime sleep. That’s the one exception that is a little bit different because we’re preparing them to go for that longer stretch. But the reason that this really helps is firstly, that they feed upon waking, then they’ve got that food in them, they’ve got time to digest it. They’re going to move around, which is good for digestion. And they’ve got that energy to use up from eating.
Secondly, they’re going to settle to sleep without milk putting them to sleep, without there being the milk-drunk concept of knocking them out with milk. That’s not good for digestion and it can lead to a sleep onset association of milk and then almost like needing milk in order to get to sleep. There’s so many reasons why it’s not great for them to feed right before sleep during the day. It’s okay at bed time. Milk does contain – breast milk especially – really lovely sleep inducing hormones, and there are loads of benefits in that respect. But when we’re talking about a newborn, they’re only awake for about 45 minutes anyway, this is definitely a good rhythm to get into for them for lots and lots of reasons. So feed upon waking if you can, through the day, last feed at bedtime and then nighttime mode all night long.
I hope this has been helpful for you. Once they get a little bit bigger, you can follow my next level strategies that will help them even more to get into great sleep patterns and routines for really, really healthy sleep.
Take care, sleep well and if you want help with getting a good night’s sleep why not book a FREE Sleep Discovery Call today.
https://youtu.be/cfv1Xt_Dbb8
New parent sleep – doesn’t that sound like a dream? This week I’m going to help you as a new parent with the coping strategies that you can use to help you with your sleep when you are dealing with the disturbed nights that you get with a new baby. I have some great tips for you to help you through this phase.
Now, the first thing that I want you to take on board is that rest is better than nothing. I know people say, “I’ll sleep when the baby sleeps.” And they do sleep a lot. You know they’re going to sleep quite regularly. They’re awake for 45 minutes. They’re off to sleep again. You would think that means you can get 14 to 17 hours a day like them, right? No, of course not. Because first of all, we can’t just switch off and fall asleep instantly the second they do. And second of all, we do have other things to do. We have bottles to clean. We have nappies to organize. We have grocery shopping, probably online, to do. There are so many things that we still need to do. It’s just not as simple as going to sleep when the baby sleeps.
Now, if you can, great. If you can take a nap, do it, but don’t put that pressure on yourself if you’re feeling like, “Oh, I just can’t.” Take a rest. And if the baby’s asleep and you can just sit back and put your feet up, literally put your feet up and relax. Close your eyes, if you can. Listen to a podcast. Just relax. If you can relax, you are going to be doing yourself a lot more good than you realize. But if you’re running around putting laundry on and cleaning the house and doing things that probably could wait, then you’re not getting that rest. So rest is better than nothing if you can’t get those naps and sleep, when the baby sleeps.
My second tip for you for coping, if you can, obviously, this is very difficult if you are a single parent, but if you have a partner, a spouse, or even a good friend that can come and help you out for a few days, or a family member, see if there is a way of taking turns in the night. I really like the idea of the two nights on two nights off night shift, which is great if there are two parents in the family, because you basically have two full nights to rest and know that I’m not getting up to baby tonight or the next night. You’ve got two full nights and it’s so powerful in how it helps your body to replenish, gives you the rest you need, and then gives you the energy to do your two nights on.
You could do one night on one night off, but it’s not quite the same effect. It’s easier to keep going for two nights and then have two full nights off. So two nights on two nights off, if you can. Breastfeeding mums might be saying, “But I have to do all the night wakings, because I’m breastfeeding.” Not necessarily. If you express and get your baby used to having breast milk from a bottle some of the time, it will open up huge amounts of flexibility for your family. Now I know there can be challenges with that and it’s not for everyone, but if it’s an option, why not take it? Especially if you are two working parents or you can share the load in that way.
Another challenge people come up with is, “Well, yes, but I’m breastfeeding and I’m on maternity leave and my husband has to work. So I have to do all the nights because he’s working.” Well, is that entirely true? And is that really fair? Because I understand if your partner’s working, and there are certain jobs where perhaps that is the case and that’s essential and they absolutely have got to get all that sleep. But you are working too during the day. Looking after a newborn baby is as demanding as a desk job, easily, if not more.
Come on, let’s see if we can weigh this up here. You’re both working. You’re just doing different things. Some might say that going to work is a rest from the busy-ness of looking after a new baby. So I still think that there’s room for sharing the load. It’s unique to every family dynamic. Have that conversation and see what you can work out.
The next tip I have for you is to accept help. Accept help, because especially as a first-time mom, I felt like this. I’m sure we all do. You almost feel like, oh no, my baby, my baby, I’m doing it, I’m doing everything. The family members might come along, “Ah, let me do this, let me do this.” And you think, no, I’m precious about it. Or maybe you just feel too proud to accept the help. Just get over it and accept the help.
If you can accept the help, you can choose to channel it to the things that you really need the help with. So instead of, “Oh, let me take the baby off your hands.” You might go, “No, no, actually I’m okay with the baby, but you could definitely cook us a meal, or I’d be really grateful if you’d sort that pile of laundry out and fold the things.” So perhaps if somebody is really, truly willing to help, they could help with the less attractive jobs and not take all the glory of the new baby, perhaps. So have a think about what it is you would really like help with and accept help if it’s offered.
My other massive tip for you as a new parent, especially as a first-time parent, is not to plan too much.
It’s really easy to get swept away by the idea of all these lovely baby groups and moms groups and going along to all these things. It’s really good for you to do that. Definitely. It’s good to get out. It’s good to be sociable. It’s good to talk to other moms that are in your situation. It is healthy to do that for sure. But don’t overload your diary so that you feel like you’re back-to-back with this class and then this group, and then this thing. Sometimes you just won’t feel like it and you don’t need that pressure. Maybe just have one thing a day. Each day, there’s one thing you do. It might be just going for a walk with a friend or it might be a group, but if you pile too many things in, you create an unnecessary pressure on yourself.
I used to have this thing, because I had my two quite close in age, so I had two little ones to juggle for a few years. It was where people would ask me to come to something and I’d go, “I’ll do my best,” or, “Please don’t count on me to be there. If I can, if the stars align, I would love to.” If it was a thing where they needed to know for definite, then I would just politely decline because I didn’t want the pressure of having to be at that place at that time. Because when you’re juggling two little ones, you’ve got a older baby, almost toddler, just about to go out the door and then the baby, and then you get to the door and you’ve got all the stuff, and then there’s a nappy explosion, and you’re like, “Wow, that’s another half an hour.” Shut the door, take all the coats off, and start again.
So I didn’t like that stress or pressure of, “I must be there at that time”. So I didn’t put that on myself too much. I learned that the hard way. But once I learned that, it was a really valuable thing. So I pass it onto you. Don’t plan too much and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be everywhere.
Finally, I wanted to say to you that this time will soon pass. And so where, as a new parent, and you’re not getting enough sleep and everything feels like a bit of a blur, and sometimes you’ll have days where you just think, I don’t know how I’m going to manage this, or you just think, how can I operate on no sleep? You feel for a moment like this is my life now and you’re not sure if you’re okay with it. Let me just reassure you that this will pass. When you are in it, it feels like this is your life. It’s weeks, it’s literally weeks and you can be on the other side.
Our next blog will be all about how to help your new baby to very gently and gradually practice little strategies that will help them to be capable of the best sleep they can. Not trying to get them to sleep through the night before they’re ready, but get the best possible sleep for them and get them sleeping at their best. I’m going to share strategies on how you can do that. If you follow these things, your little one will be sleeping to a better level sooner than if you just leave things to chance.
Take care and make sure you come back next week, let’s get your healthy sleep back as soon as possible. Well, let’s get your baby’s healthy sleep set up really well, right from the start.
Take care, sleep well and if you want to know even more about sleep before then why not download my Sweet Dreams videos full of tips and tricks for getting your little ones to sleep soundly.
https://youtu.be/mIzMraIdRV4
What does new baby sleep even look like? This blog will look at new baby sleep patterns and take away any of the guesswork or wondering if what your baby’s doing is typical, or not. We will cover it all.
Let’s start by setting your expectations, new babies sleep a lot. Newborns sleep roughly 14 to 17 hours per 24-hours. So in every 24-hours, about 14 to 17 of those are asleep. Some babies will do even more, so don’t think that’s the limit either and they are only going to handle being awake for 45 minutes at a time. So if your new baby is awake and you have got visitors who have come to see the newborn and that awake time goes longer than 45-minutes, then be aware that baby is going to end up going into an overtired place, which you don’t want them to do. When you’ve got a newborn keeping one eye on your baby, and one eye on the time is quite handy. Of course, they’re going to give you some signs and cues, but knowing if they’ve been awake for 45-minutes or more is going to absolutely help you out.
New babies tend to want to eat, i.e. consume milk roughly every two to four hours. Now, that will depend upon things like their birth weight and what capacity they have for onboarding milk. Some will struggle. They may have tongue-tie, they may have reflux, they may only be able to take on a little bit at a time and therefore need to feed more frequently. Others will perhaps feed very efficiently and be able to go good, three or four hours between feeds right from the get-go. But as a ballpark, every two to four hours, a new baby is going to need to eat. So to set your expectations, if this is the first baby you’ve had, just know that there’s not going to be any sort of sleeping through eight hours a night anymore, because your baby is going to wake and they will need feeding. But don’t worry, that’s not forever. It is short-term.
(I have a blog coming later this month, which will help you with coping with newborn sleep and wake patterns, so keep an eye out for that one!)
Now, what else can you expect from newborn sleep patterns?
So they’re going to sleep a lot. They’re going to be awake for very little pockets of time, and they’re going to need to be fed every two to four hours. What can you do to help with this? A bedtime routine is the one thing that I would suggest you can do or implement right from the get-go that will help to get your little one into really good, healthy sleep and wake patterns. A routine will show them that, oh, this part of the day is different to all the other 24-hours. And these are the things we do, essentially you set the scene for nighttime, to show them the difference between night and day. That can be easier when daylight is on our side and it gets light in the morning and dark in the evening.
But there are certain times of year where that just doesn’t happen at the ideal time for their sleep. So we have to use black out curtains/blinds, or turning on of lights, or whatever way round it is at that time of year to just help them. What this will do is help their body clock, their circadian rhythms, and it will encourage them to begin to understand that there is a routine, we do the bathroom stuff, and then we go into this room and we do these things, this is when they’re going to do their longer stretch of sleep. And you’re just going to start encouraging that, it’s not going to happen straight away. Don’t expect it to happen straight away. Don’t expect to do a lovely bedtime routine at 6:00 PM and then your baby sleeps for four hours. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t, but they will be more likely to get there and do their best stretch of continuous sleep if you set the scene with these “cues” and triggers to show them that this is nighttime, now bedtime is coming.
During the day they’re having their little naps and wake times, and then there’s this different thing that happens and helps to set the scene for that longer stretch to come in, when they’re ready. So that’s really how newborn sleep patterns work. Of course, they are all different and there are variations, but this should give you an overview of generally what newborn sleep is like, waking up and sleeping frequently.
Next week I will give you some tips that are great for the new parent and coping strategies for when they are waking frequently in the night and how you can manage. Because they are fine, they wake up, they get fed, they go to sleep. Everything’s easy for a baby, but for you it can be really tough. It can be a real shock to the system and our bodies are not used to not getting those big chunks of sleep that we actually really want, so my tips will help you through those early weeks and quickly smooth things out so that you are getting those sleep hours back where you want them.
Take care, sleep well and if you want to know even more about sleep before then why not download my Sweet Dreams videos full of tips and tricks for getting your little ones to sleep soundly.
https://youtu.be/cTWZnV6Pm5A
Bedtime routine for siblings is our topic of focus for this week. When you’ve got more than one child and you are trying to juggle that bedtime routine and sometimes it just feels you are trying to do something for one and then you need to go to the other and then this one needs you and that one needs you. So of course it can all just feel too much. Well, don’t panic, we’re going to get that all streamlined for you and make it so that it works!
Now, this is going to be particularly helpful for those of you who are usually doing the bedtime routine with more than one child by yourself. It is a little bit easier when you have another pair of hands on deck. So if you have your partner, your spouse, or another family member or somebody that can help you out, then, of course, it can help. Because one could be reading a bedtime story with one child while the other is making sure that the other one’s having a bath or brushing their teeth or whatever it might be. So of course it is easier when there are more than one parent or caregiver to lead the bedtime routine. But if you are on your own, and I’m sure all of you will be or have been at some stage or another, it is a juggle.
There are things you can do to make that easier, and this is my advice as a mum whose children are 21 months apart, so I’ve juggled this from babies/toddler time right through to nine, 11 year old children. I know what this is like, both doing it by myself and doing it with my husband to help. So I completely know where you’re coming from.
One of my top tips for you is getting them ready for bed at the same time. Now, they do need to be age appropriate, there’s no point in asking your 15 year old to get ready for bed at the same time as your two year old. That’s quite an extreme example, but be sensible with that. More often than not, even if you’re talking about a two year old and a seven year old, even if their bedtime might be slightly separate, there’s still no reason why they can’t get ready for bed at the same time.
And here’s why. If you do the bedtime routine at the same time, so they go to the bathroom, there’s bathroom activity, maybe a bath or a shower, whatever it might be or a wash, there’s probably teeth brushing involved, and getting changed, getting ready for bed in the bathroom. If that stuff is done at the same time, even then if one is going to go to bed and the other is going to go and read a book quietly or do a puzzle, that’s absolutely fine. But what it means is the bedtime routine has begun for both of them.
When your juggle is more with two very little ones, that’s when it is the hardest and the biggest struggle. So if you are talking about a very young baby and older baby or young toddler and it is a big juggle, what can you do when you physically need to be holding the baby? How do you do that on your own?
Let’s start with bath time, if you can have a toddler safely in a bath, you are right there by their side, and you’ve got a baby bath next to the big bath and you can be bathing baby there with one hand, you are also there in case toddler needs you at the same time, that’s one way you can do it. You can also get safe baby bathing equipment that you can put into the bath next to the toddler and then you can bathe both of them at the same time. Or you can let them go in one at a time, you can use a baby bouncer seat or a baby safe play mat zone where you can have baby safely in an area on the floor near you and be hands on with one. And then you can swap them over that way if you need to. But having them in close proximity is going to definitely help you because then you have your eyes and your hands there to keep both of them safe.
Of course safety is the main thing when you’re juggling little ones and water and bath times especially. This is if you are bathing them both, you might not be – that’s also easy then to have them in teh same space and one in while the other is happily distracted but near you and safe.
Once bathtime is done, you’re going to get them ready and changed for bed. What can the older one do for themselves? That’s a great time to encourage that, make sure it is an encourage rather than commanding to them. You don’t want to come across as if it’s a case of, “I’m too busy with the little one, you need to do it yourself.” That will create jealousy and resentment. But just, “Oh wow. You managed to put that on yourself.” And looking at the little one, “You’ll be able to do that one day when you are bigger.” Making it very positive and reinforcing that positive encouragement for the older one. “Oh, you put your pajamas on by yourself, well done. Can you get your toothbrush?” All that positivity around it will encourage them further and of course, you’re there and you can help both if they need it.
Now for the tricky bit, once they’re going to bed. You’re going from the bathroom activity to the bedroom and you are in the bedroom. Now, this could be siblings in the same room, which we talked about recently, or it could be that they’re in different rooms. Whatever that looks like, decide who needs your attention first. Who do you need to put to bed first? This is where it can be a bit of a question. Because if you have a toddler that settles or preschooler or a young child that settles quite well to sleep and a younger one, a baby even, that maybe needs more help from you, maybe you are using my fade out approach and you need to be sat there with them, then put the easier one, the older one to bed first.
Baby can be in a bouncy chair, maybe a bouncy chair or a safe seat or something within your eye. This means that you can then sit with the older one, do a bed time story, say good night, tuck them in. So they’ve had the turn from you, that one on one time and then you can take the baby on through to the baby’s room and do the fade out approach and implement the sleep plan that you’re doing with them. That can be one way around.
The other way is if the baby is fairly easy to put to bed, you can give your toddler a couple of books or a puzzle, again have them in earshot, even maybe in eyeshot, but in a space of their own whilst you then put the other one to bed, get them settled. And once they’re settled, then you can go and take yourself to the other one and give them your one-on-one time.
Always try to make it one then the next rather than trying to do it all at once. It will just fall apart and feel overwhelming for you and neither one of them really gets the attention they need. And that can leave them feeling like it’s rushed, which could lead to not being very well settled as well. So giving them that time with you, they can wind down and settle in nicely. So one then the next and I hope that really helps you with your bedtime routine strategy. Of course, this thing goes on to more than two children. It could be three children, four children, five children, just add it on and make sure that each one it’s an age appropriate approach.
I hope that helps you to get a great routine going that feels less like you are juggling and more like you are staying in control.
Take care and sleep well.
If you want to learn more about any of the sleep training methods mentioned above, book a free Discovery call today to find out how we can help you and your little ones sleep better.
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Our blog this week is all about twins and how we can get twins sleeping without disturbing each other and perhaps without tag teaming you as well. Have a read for my top tips for getting twins to sleep well.
- Try to keep twins on the same schedule. Yes, you might have one that’s quite a good sleeper and one that’s not such a good sleeper, but if you go along with one seems awake right now and the other needs to have a nap, it’s going to leave you in quite a pickle and it could be pretty messy to juggle. I’m a big fan of meeting the individual child’s needs however there are also times especially, if you are a parent or a caregiver of twins, or multiples (you may have triplets) it is really difficult if you’re trying to manage two or more different schedules. It’s hard enough when you have two young children close in age that aren’t twins, like I did and where they have different sleep schedules. I had a time where I had one on two naps a day, one on one nap a day.
This meant it seemed like someone was always napping which means you are then trying to accommodate something all the time. I think that’s harder when you have twins so if you can get them onto the same schedule, it will make life a lot easier. Keep them on the same schedule as much as you possibly can, obviously give or take a number of minutes, but on the whole, you want to have roughly the same time that you start the day. Roughly the same time for nap times and absolutely for meal times as well. Getting into that rhythm with them is key and they will soon get into a rhythm if you lead the way with that. Sleep schedule is absolutely number one.
- If your twins are disturbing each other a lot in their sleep, is it possible to temporarily separate them? Now I’m assuming that they are room sharing. It may be that they’re in the same room with their parents, or maybe that they’re in their own room together. Is it possible that they could be in separate rooms to sleep in the short-term, particularly if you’re working through some kind of sleep shaping method and implementing a particular process with one, or both of them. It can be beneficial to temporarily separate them, work on that, improve things, and then bring them back together.
This also can work really well for nap times. So it might be that at bedtime, they have their room, they have their sleep spaces and that’s fine, but for naps, it might be that one is a better napper than the other. It may feel more manageable for you to have them napping in two different rooms. That’s absolutely fine, don’t worry about, “Well, what if it’s not the same room as sleep?” It’s fine, put the easier sleeper in the other, different location and keep the usual sleep location consistent for the one who finds sleep more challenging.
- Help one, then the other. If they need your assistance, you’re not superhuman. You can’t stretch yourself between them constantly. So if you need to, for instance, change one nappy and the other one is crying and there’s nobody else to help you, they will be okay for a few minutes. As long as they’re safe, you know they’re in a safe space, you can deal with this nappy and then you can make sure that one is safe and then go to the other one. Don’t worry about them waiting a few minutes for you. It won’t harm them. They will learn that they just have to wait and then you come. And so long as a baby realises, and this is particularly about babies now, so long as a baby does know that you do come, they won’t get into a place of any kind of distress or fear.
They might get a bit frustrated. They might be a bit impatient, they might get a bit wound up, but it will just be a healthy, “I’m trying to tell you that I need some help here.” And that’s all it will be. It won’t be anything more than that. Then you can be at the point of thinking, “I’ll be right with you.” You finish helping that one and then you see to the other one.
It’s ingrained in us, it’s like we are wired to respond immediately, “Baby’s crying.” “Quick, fix it” – it’s what we do. So sometimes it’s important just to remind ourselves it’s okay, my baby will be okay, I’ll be right there. Because when you’re dealing with two, they do learn to wait. And actually, it’s good for them, it teaches them the art of waiting their turn, they do have to wait sometime and it helps them to develop self-regulation.
Those self-regulatory skills will go on to help them and benefit them as they learn to develop the skills for falling into sleep and going back to sleep. So right from those early stages, don’t panic, if you cannot be dealing with both simultaneously. It will be okay. When they’re going to sleep, if you are working through some kind of sleep training approach, maybe they’re a little bit older and you have toddlers for example, and they’re in two separate cots. You go to one, you do what you need to do there, go to the other, you do what you need to do there. If you alternate, you might be back and forth, sure. But just take a breath and take care of one at a time and you help them, and you reassure them, and you will get there.
Try to be consistent in how you respond every single time.
I hope this helps with those of you who have twins, or triplets, or more.
Next week we will be going into detail about routine, bedtime routine and how this can be done when you have got more than one child, especially if you are juggling on your own and you’re trying to do the bedtime routine for multiple children by yourself.
Take care.
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If you have or are currently experiencing sibling jealousy between your children you know only too well how that can impact everything in day to day life, including a little one’s ability to sleep well. This week I’m sharing with you my top tips and tricks to help you to relieve some of that jealous feeling that can happen between siblings. Hopefully by the end of this blog you will have a plan for how to get your children to a stage where they are a lot more harmonious in spending their time together.
First things first, is that this can come up at any age. It can be something that happens right from birth when, let’s say, a toddler has the arrival of a new baby sibling, and they’re like, “Huh, who’s this that’s getting all the attention?” That’s really common. It can also crop up later on in childhood, and especially with siblings who are relatively close in age, because they may feel like they are competing for the same attention. Sibling jealousy is probably going to come up at some point, but what can you do about it?
I have two really big ideas for you on this that I’ve found work and actually having two quite close in age myself, I’ve found these things really, really do work. Quite often, that jealous behavior, or almost probing or lashing out, winding up the other one, it’s actually really just a cry for your attention, and if they had your attention, they wouldn’t be doing it.
What can you do? One on one time. Give your children your time one on one, at least once a day.
Just find that special time that you can have where you can be fully present with them and completely indulge them in whatever it is they are doing, and what they’re about. Tap into who they are. Now, this doesn’t matter whether they are a tiny little one, little toddler, or a five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11 year old. It really doesn’t matter. Teenagers and beyond. Doesn’t matter what age they are.
What is it that you can discover about them? What can you ask them? How can you show a massive interest in who they are as a little human being, and spend time with them one on one?
Maybe you have a baby who’s napping and you can then spend that time with the toddler. And of course the baby’s going to get plenty of one on one time, because they get all the cuddles when they’re feeding and all those other bits of one on one attention anyway. Quite often it’s giving the extra focus on the older ones, ones that are past the baby stage. If you have children who are both older, maybe six and eight or something like that, then great. Spend one on one time with each of them.
One on one time is always key, but especially at bedtime. Having bedtime one on one time is so important. Quite often, little ones keep everything in until bedtime, and then they let it out. So when they become of school age, it could be bedtime when they reveal things to you. Worries, thoughts, or just sharing good things that happened, quite often they do save it up to that time of night. If you can allow time for that in each of the bedtime routines, as well as the during the day one on one time so that you can have that little bit of chat one on one, and then say goodnight.
When they’re little babies and toddlers, then it’s probably going to be a story, a book, a bit of wind down time and can form part of that routine. But if you can give that full focus to one child at a time, then they’re going to be less likely to feel that jealousy or envy over the other one.
Be aware on the flip side, if you are trying to read a story to this one and then you have to say, “No, no, no, don’t do this,” or, “Wait over there,” or, “One second, I just need to get the baby.” If you’re trying to juggle multiple children at once, and one child feels a little bit dismissed because of that, that could lead to that envy. “Oh, it’s not fair. They get all the attention.” They don’t necessarily compute that it’s the other child getting the attention and that they will get their own time too. They just have this almost subconscious resentment towards those interruptions that are coming their way.
If you are on your own and you’re thinking, “That all sounds great, but how do I do that when I’m juggling more than one child by myself?” There is a blog on it’s way this month all about that, how to juggle more than one child through a bedtime routine, especially if you are doing it by yourself. For now, start to think about how you can build little one-on-ones in. It can be a baby safely in a cot whilst you’re giving a toddler a few minutes of your time or asking the toddler to wait a few moments. It can be done, it’s about finding the ways that you can do it.
My other top tip for overcoming sibling jealousy is what activities can those siblings do together? So it’s not just about the one on one time with you, but what can they do together to build that bond, and to help them like each other? And to want to spend time together so that they’re not seeing each other so much as a threat or an annoyance or someone that gets in their way. Instead they see each other as somebody they enjoy spending time with. So what activities, age appropriately, can they do? There will be something. There always is. Have a think about that and how they can bond and spend some time together.
I hope these ideas really help you, and help you to focus on how your children can overcome any sibling jealousy.
Take care and sleep well.
If you’re looking for help now with your children’s sleep and would like to find out more about sleeping soundly then book a discovery call. today
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This weeks’ Blog is all about siblings and when they’re room sharing and the effect that that can have on your little one’s sleep including the all important; how you can make this work harmoniously and have siblings that share a room and sleep as well.
The first thing I’m going to get you to ask yourself is why, why are your siblings going to room share first of all? Is it because it sounds lovely? It might just be that idea of, I want them to share a room. I would love for them to be together. And if we can make that work, brilliant. But you’ve got to ask yourself whether it’s a nice fantasy idea or whether it’s necessary. In some cases, it’s going to be necessary. It’s going to be a case of there are not enough bedrooms and the siblings have to share. And that’s fine.
But if you’re battling with trying to get two siblings to sleep soundly and share a room, just ask yourself, is it worth it right now? And would it be better to actually work on improving their individual sleep in separate rooms until they’re sleeping a little bit better and then bring them together to room share. II think it’s really important to ask yourself a question and just think that through first before we delve into actually conquering sibling room sharing.
In the longer term siblings will become quite resilient to each other especially when it comes to noises and sounds, things that might wake them up. Try to bear in mind that what might disturb them in the early days or initially when room sharing, they will get used to it and once they’re in a deep sleep, they’re not going to be disturbed by much at all. It’s only really during light sleep that things, outside noises and things like that can actually wake us and rouse us from sleep. So they will become more used to each other. That will generally happen with time,but there may be a period of going through the pain barrier to get there, at which point until they are used to the noises of their siblings and the room they will wake up a little bit.
This is another great time if it’s an option to have them in the same room or separate that you can ask yourself, is it worth that? Is it worth paying the price? Is it worth going through that to get to the outcome? Because ultimately, at some point, if you want them to room share, you’re probably going to have to go through that.
Is it costing them precious sleep?
Are you pushing them to do this at the cost of having an exhausted child, exhausted family and/or being miserable?
Again, if it’s essential and your children as siblings have to share a room and there’s no other way around it, then let’s make that work.
So what can you do? Well, one of the most important things you can do, and this doesn’t really matter, whether we’re talking about a young baby or an older child, is to set up some really clear rules and boundaries.
When I say that with babies, of course, they don’t necessarily understand the rules or boundaries that you are implementing, but by setting the scene for those, and by having a consistent response to things, they will soon learn.
For example, when lights are out and it’s dark, shh, there’s no talking. There’s no voice. It’s just whispers. You can begin to teach them that from baby stage by doing it, by making sure that when lights are out, nobody talks out loud, everything is just a whisper. It becomes nighttime mode and calm, and you can signal this simply by having the lights off. As they then get older from around 20 months, having a sleep wake clock in the room can really, really help. Sleep Wake clocks show when it’s daytime and when it’s nighttime. And when it’s nighttime, we all can comply with nighttime mode. And when it’s daytime, and time to be awake, it’s a good idea to use exaggerated animation in our body language, our voices and our expressions just to really differentiate the two and show a big, clear, significant difference between daytime and nighttime.
This also means that you’re showing them that when it’s nighttime, we sleep. We lie down, rest our head, close our eyes, we go to sleep, you can show them that from a very early age. Siblings are also a great way to help their other siblings. So if you have an older one who is maybe a better sleeper and a younger one who’s maybe up and down or a bit more restless, ask the older one to be on board with you and say, “Hey, I need your help with this. Can you help me? We’re going to get him sleeping well, and then he won’t disturb you anymore. So let’s show him what to do. Come on, let’s lie down. Shh. Let’s go to sleep.” And get them on board, role play a little bit with it so that it’s not just a big battle parents versus children.
Praise them, reward the really good behavior around sleep. The compliance of, “Oh, yes, I’m going to lie down now. I’m going to settle to sleep.” reward that however you can. Obviously, age appropriately. With an older one, you can have more conversations. With little ones and babies, it’s going to be more through the soothing, the reassurance, putting them down, they’ll just get used to that if you keep doing it. With babies, if they’re up in the night, follow my tips for how to respond consistently to night wakings in my previous Blog and that is going to help you at least reduce the night wakings to the best stage they can do for their age, because we all wake in the night! Little one’s, babies in particular do need some help sometimes, but we want to get the very best out of them. So we want to optimize their sleep and have them resettling to sleep as best they can.
Essentially, if you want your children to room share, if you want the siblings to settle nicely and go to sleep in the same room, it’s all about setting up that lovely routine around bedtime and the rules around sleep time, what that looks like, and then consistently responding to any disturbances that happen between them in the nighttime.
January is our ‘Siblings’ month, coming up over the next few weeks, we’re going to be covering jealousy between siblings and the whole bedtime routine and how to do that when you have more than one child in getting them both to bed swiftly and smoothly without any major battles!
If you’re looking for help now with your children’s sleep and would like to find out more about sleeping soundly then book a discovery call. today
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In this week’s blog we continue our series on night wakings, looking specifically at long periods where your baby is awake for hours at night, what causes it and how can we prevent it.
What do we mean when we talk about long, wakeful periods in the night?
Some little ones will go to sleep, they’ll sleep really well for a number of hours, and then they wake up. But they don’t just wake up for a bit, they wake up for perhaps three hours, and it has us as parents scratching our heads. Wondering, why? What’s going on? Why are they awake? What do they need for that length of time? And quite often, they’re not actually upset, they’re not seeking anything in particular, and there’s no obvious reason for the waking. They don’t seem hungry. They don’t seem like they’re looking for their parents or looking for any help.
Sometimes, this can be that they just wake up and they’re quite content. They’re quite content and happy. They’re just lying there, sometimes babbling or cooing if they’re a baby, or maybe even sort of chatting or singing if they’re a bit older. They’re just awake, for no real reason.
And sometimes if they’re awake for long enough, possibly heading into hours awake, they might start to get a bit fussy, because they can get fed up. They want to be back asleep. They don’t really know why they’re awake.
Sound familiar? Have you experienced this with your little one? If so, let’s see if we can overcome this once and for all.
Why does it happen? There are a number of possible reasons for this, and there are even some medical reasons, which I’m not going to go into here today, because that’s not my job. If you think or suspect there could be a medical reason, or you’ve exhausted all the possible behavioral reasons that I’m going to talk about, then definitely go and seek some help from the relevant medical service that can explore that a bit further for you. But when it’s not medical, if it is behavioral, what could be causing it?
What might be going on? One of the possible reasons, weirdly enough, can be over-tiredness. So it would be really easy to look at a little one who’s just wide awake and doesn’t seem sleepy and think they’re not tired. They’re just not tired. Maybe they’ve had too much sleep during the day. Let’s cut that nap out, or, oh, maybe we should put them to bed later. That’s almost like the obvious and easy answer. But be careful with that idea, because quite often, this wakefulness in the night is the complete opposite. It’s because they are overtired. So why would they be awake if they’re overtired? Surely, if they’re overtired, they should be zonked out, but that often is not the case. They wake up because of the amount of stimulation they may be having.
If they’re having extra stimulation because they’re awake too much, perhaps they’re not getting enough daytime sleep or nap time, or they’re awake too late and not going to bed till too late, for whatever reason it may be it means they are consuming more daylight, activity, engagement, possibly screen time, all kinds of stimulants that could be causing this. So they get tired, they fall asleep, but then, they suddenly are like, “Oh, I’m awake again now.” Which then means they don’t feel sleepy. This has probably happened to you. You’ve probably experienced this yourself, it happens to all of us at times. You’re bound to have had one of those nights where you wake up and then for no apparent reason you can’t get back to sleep. As adults we know full well that it’s not because we are under-tired. We know we’re tired. Generally it happens because you’re over stimulated and that can also come from dietary reasons, things like too much sugar or caffeine.
Caffeine and sugar in particular, while they may allow us to fall asleep remain there in your system, when we wake up they can kick back in and still have the same effect as when you were awake, providing stimulants. So consider dietary elements as well. Are there caffeine, sugar, or other stimulants that are going into that diet more than maybe necessary? Or it could be that the circadian rhythm is a little off whack. What’s your circadian rhythm? That’s your body clock. It’s your internal body clock. So if your baby or child, or even yourself, if you are not quite on track with when it’s day and when it’s night and when we should be sleeping, that could be a reason why you’re awake in the night.
Both babies and young children will experience this. They go to sleep, they sleep for a patch of time, and then they’re awake. Almost like the sleep, at the beginning of the night, was a nap to them and now they’re awake thinking, “Yep, I’ve done that sleep. Now I’m awake again. I’m going to be awake for a while.” And then they’re awake for ages, and then they go back off to sleep. It’s exactly like during the day, that was a nap, this was an awake bit and now I’m going for a nap again. So their circadian rhythm is off. Why is their circadian rhythm off and what can you do about that? Start to look at their patterns in the day. Are they in a good pattern? Do they have a good pattern of wake up, play, sleep, wake up, play, sleep, and so on.
Are they in a good rhythm? Are they getting their daytime sleep at the optimal intervals for their age and developmental stage? Or are they not? Are they just awake all day long or not getting enough sleep or vice versa? Are they asleep all day long, like it’s nighttime, and therefore they’re napping in the night. So it could be a body clock thing, and it’s worth looking at that and just gauging where they ought to be for their age. Not every child is going to be exactly the same, but there are ballparks to work to that will really help to guide you.
Those are all really good reasons why it could be happening, and reasons worth exploring. But what should you do in terms of responding to it when it happens? Because if we address those reasons why we might be able to overcome them, in the meantime, when your child is waking up and they’re awake for two or three hours in the night, what do you do? Do you try to get them to go to sleep or do you leave them to it?
Well, the truth is, it depends, because if they’re content, if they are awake, but content and happy, and they are not seeking your assistance, so there’s no kind of, “I need you,” kind of cry coming from a baby, just cooing, maybe a bit fussing mildly, but they seem okay, or a child that’s a bit older that could call out, but they’re not. They’re just lying there and they’re just awake, and you are aware of it for whatever reason. If they are content and they don’t need something from you and they’re not looking for your help, then don’t intervene, because your attempts to go, “Oh no, come on now. You should be asleep. Back to sleep now. Back to sleep,” you’re just going to create more stimulation.
They’re not going to just go, “Okay, we’ll go back to sleep then.” They’re obviously trying. So holding back and not interfering is more helpful. Of course, if they are of an age where they’ve perhaps turned lights on and got up or created an environment that’s no longer conducive to sleep, absolutely, you need to pop in, reset, nighttime lights off, lie down, well done, and give them all the signals that it is time to be asleep and it is time to still settle back down.
A great aid in this can be a sleep/wake clock. By having one of these clocks that show some night and day, that really can help, because you can just point to it and remind them and make sure they’re aware, when the clock says this, we go to sleep. That can help them and act as a good trigger and reminder as well. So if they don’t need you to respond, hold back. If they do need you to respond, respond quickly and calmly and quietly, and in ways that I described in my previous blogs. But ultimately, just be consistent with that response. Don’t have a response where one night you ignore the thing, the whole situation you ignore, and the next night you go, “Oh, come on. Why don’t you come sleep in my bed with me?” And the next night you go, “You’re not sleepy? Oh, no, why don’t we read a story then?” Just a whole mixed bag of responses. That will prolong the problem. They won’t know whether they are coming or going.
If you do that they won’t know whether they’re meant to go back to sleep, whether it’s okay not to, whether, “Ooh, can I change beds tonight?” Just keep it really clear. This is the time of night. This is where we sleep. This is how we go back to sleep. And this is what you’re going to get from me. Nothing more, nothing less. Just keep it simple and keep it consistent.
So I hope that gives you some tools to understand why your little one might be waking up for a long time in the night, how you can deal with it, and hopefully, how you can also overcome it.
Take care and sleep well.
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This week I want to look at one of the reasons that could be behind your little one’s night wakings, and that is sleep onset. I will explain what that is, what it means and how this could absolutely be the game-changing nugget of wisdom that resolves your little one’s sleep in a really, really big way. So make sure you read until the end so you fully understand what sleep onset is all about.
First of all, what does it mean? What does sleep onset even mean?
It means falling to sleep. It’s the way that sleep comes about. So what could that include? When we fall to sleep, our body goes through a certain sensation of closing down. We close our eyes, our breathing becomes slower, and there are all kinds of things that happen to us physiologically and biologically, but there are also external things that happen as well. So once we understand how we’re falling asleep at the sleep onset, it actually plays a really significant role in how we sustain our sleep throughout the night.
Now, of course, we do wake up. It’s really important to know that nobody just sleeps the whole night without waking. But the wakings are so minimal, sometimes you don’t even know you’ve had one. They can be so partial, so subconscious, semiconscious, you just have this slight arousal and on back off into sleep. They are cycles of sleep.
So you go down into deep sleep, you cycle up, you come through, lighter sleep, and then this is the point where you might just wake up. But, oh, no, we’re down into another sleep cycle. We go down, we’ll go into deep sleep, and we cycle through sleep like this all night long. But it’s when we are in that lighter sleep that we do actually slightly wake and go back off. We have to, our bodies need to do that to regulate and to keep us alive.
And so babies and children are the same, but when they’re tiny, when they’re really little and they don’t actually know how to get to sleep and they haven’t really grasped the sleep onset yet, when they have those cycles that they’re coming into that light sleep and they’re just about to tip over into the next cycle. They find themselves awake and they find themselves and they don’t know how to get back to sleep, because they didn’t know how they got there in the first place. And they cry and they look for your help because they need to get back to sleep.
So this is why the sleep onset is key because once they’re doing it, once their body is in that rhythm and it knows the body just does it and they fall to sleep, then the body and the mind will be trained. They will be efficient and effective at going back to sleep when we have those stirrings and wakings or partial wakings in the night.
So hopefully you feel reassured that, “Oh, okay, waking up is normal,” and it is completely. But it’s the getting back to sleep that matters, and when your little one is doing that, they’re not going to cry out or look for you or look for help because they’re able to do it themselves. So you won’t know that they’ve had two, three, five wakings in the night because they’ve resettled themself when they’ve had those stirrings. And that is when it feels so lovely and like they are sleeping through the night, which is what we all aim for, don’t we, for as soon as possible.
So the thing we need to look at is the sleep onset associations. Now, some people will talk about these as sleep crutches or sleep props, and they’re not all bad. To be honest, you can have healthy, positive sleep onset associations, as well as unhelpful destructive sleep onset associations, and it’s really important that we know the difference between the two.
So a sleep onset association is something that puts your little one to sleep. It’s something, an association that helps them to go to sleep. But some things will help, whereas other things will do the job for them.
For instance, if you rock your baby and you rock, rock, rock, rock, rock all the way to sleep, that’s done it for them. They haven’t really done anything. But if they have a cuddly teddy and they cuddle that teddy, but then they fall asleep, the teddy’s just helped them. It’s given them an element of comfort, but the rest of the job they did and they put themselves to sleep with that cuddling.
If they’re sucking on a dummy or pacifier all the way to sleep, that might be the thing that’s soothing them off to sleep. And this is why when it drops out naturally, because the jaw naturally opens, they’re fine for a while. But then they go into light sleep and they start to immediately do that sucking motion and wait, it’s gone. It’s not there. And what? Hang on, something’s up. And then boom, I’m awake and crying, because they’re missing that thing that got them to sleep before.
However, if they didn’t suckle all the way to sleep, maybe they suckled for calming and comfort, but then it is taken out, if they didn’t suckle all the way to sleep, they wouldn’t be seeking. Their body wouldn’t naturally reactively seek that thing in order to get back to sleep.
Now, some of the things don’t matter at all in the early weeks. With newborns, you can’t spoil them and you can’t get it wrong. Honestly, instinctively, you’re going to rock and cuddle your baby to sleep. You’re probably going to feed them to leave. You’re going to do all these things. Please do not worry about that in those early weeks.
But an awareness of it will pay dividends. Because if you’re aware of how much you’re doing that, you can, around four months in, sometimes sooner, but you can start to just spot and be aware of how much you’re doing for them and how much they’re doing and you can gradually start to tip the scale. So you’re doing a bit less and they’re doing a bit more when they’re getting a bit more practice until they get really, really good at it.
But certainly between four and six months, I would pay a lot more conscious attention to their sleep onset so you can help them to develop that and for that to come through. Because so long as you do it for them, they’ll need you to do it for them. And this is why for some parents that goes on for years, actual years. And it’s like anything, you don’t just go, “Oh, I’ll just wait, one day my child will ride a bike.” No, you have to get a bike for them and put the training wheels on and help them and encourage them and run alongside them and bit by bit, you take away wheels and let go, and oh look, they’ve got it.
With sleep onset, learning that is the same. They don’t just suddenly go, “Yeah, I’m going to learn that today.” It’s gradual, but it needs to be intentional. So your awareness as the parent or caregiver is vital in understanding this.
Have a think about those sleep onset associations and which ones might be at play in getting your little one to sleep. Is there something that is entirely doing it for them? And if so, could you move a little bit from doing it for them to doing it with them, helping them and just not, but not doing the whole thing, so they’re doing a little bit of the work? And then could you ease up a little bit on your input bit by bit, gradually? So that they’re not left alone to figure it out all by themselves, but they’ve got your assistance. They’ve got your reassurance, but they’ve just got to work a little bit harder at it because you’re not going to do the whole job for them.
Is there something that you’re thinking of right now that you’re like, “Yes, ours is this. We feed to sleep. We need to stop feeding to sleep.” Okay, feed, absolutely feed your baby. When they’re full, make sure they’re awake, give them a little stroke and or with a little whisper, a little song, and then make sure they’re aware that they’re going down to sleep. And then use soothing, comforting touch and reassurance to help them to finish the job. But they will feel that sensation in their body as they drift off and they will get used to that. They will get well practiced at that until they can do it on their own.
So you can practice, little one’s can practice sleep onset from the early months. They really can. But I would definitely have them practice between four and six months. Because hopefully then by six months, they’ve mastered their sleep onset, and if they’ve mastered it, then they’re going to be able to settle to sleep when they fall asleep, which means they sustain the amount of sleep they need.
For naps, no more 30 minutes then, aha, I’m awake again. They will sleep on and they’ll do their full cycles until they’re done. And at night, they will cycle through, wake up, go back off to sleep, wake up, back off to sleep. And you won’t even hear from them because they’re efficiently going through their cycles themselves without needing the help anymore because they’ve got it. So practice is key.
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This week’s blog is a deep dive into the topic of responding to those night wakings.
How can you best respond to them? Because the truth is, different wakings need a different response, and sometimes your response can be perfect and help your little one to get back to sleep quickly, and other times your response might actually make the problem worse.
The first thing to look at is the type of waking. Why has your little one woken up in the first place?
Because if we know what the type of waking is and what the waking is about, that can help us to determine the best way to respond. Or for example, is your little one awake because they’re hungry? Are they awake because they’re in pain? Are they awake because they’re uncomfortable, or are they awake because they need some reassurance? Or are they awake because they just kind of woke? That can happen too. And sometimes they need some help with getting back to sleep.
So how do you know? How do any of us know? They don’t come with a manual and especially when they’re too young to talk or tell us, or really express their feelings, they just cry.
Sometimes all the cries can feel the same, especially in the middle of the night, “Oh, it’s this, no, it’s this, no, it’s this.” In the moment it’s trying to work out if we know why they’re awake.
As the journey through parenthood goes on you start to get familiar with cries, like pain cries for example. Pain cries are usually quite high pitched and prevalent. And you usually do just know if they’re in pain and you can tell because it’s different. It’s not the kind of cry, the communication style cry that you see every day when they’re hungry or need a nappy changing, or are just fractious. You do tend to spot those piercing pain cries, and hunger cries. Personally, I think they’re really hard to identify. Some people say they know, they just know if it’s hunger or not, but I know lots of us don’t know, and we’re left going, “Are they hungry? Are they not? I don’t know.”
So one of the best ways to determine hunger is by knowing roughly how much they need and have, and if they were breastfed, or bottle-fed, formula-fed, are they onboarding enough? And at what frequency does that usually take shape? Because then you will start to know, it’s definitely not hunger. That can be one way that you know it’s not. And again, as you’re getting familiar with those different sounds, expressions, and actions, you will start to see things they do when they’re hungry and things they do when they’re just irritable. So understanding that is key. Also related to that, sometimes you do get discomfort, particularly digestive discomfort. They may be full, sure, they may have fed brilliantly, and you’ve ruled out hunger, but they’re really uncomfortable because it hurts there in their tummy.
It’s a different kind of pain to the piercing pain cry, but really agitated, awkward discomfort. Sometimes with that, you see other signs like drawing the knees up and you can tell that they have that pain or discomfort in their tummy. Or they’re not comfortable in their sleep space. It could be that they’re too hot, too cold, that it’s a terribly hard mattress, particularly in the travel cots, we get those uncomfortable mattresses. Could just be that they can’t get comfortable in that way as well. Or it might just quite simply be that they need a little bit of help getting back to sleep. So try to identify why, but if you can’t identify why, or if you’re like, “Well, I think I’ve whittled it down to it’s going to be this or this.” If you’ve got a rough idea but you’re not certain, then it’s great to know how to respond and to have that kind of backup plan as well of, “Ah, if it’s this, then I’ll do this.”
And of course, if it’s pain, you want to alleviate the pain. And if it’s hunger, you want to feed that hungry baby. Aside from that, how can you respond?
The key things to think about with responding are that you are delivering the same sort of message of reassurance every single time. So any response from you, your little one wakes and cries out and you to them, any form of response is going to be reassuring. It lets them know that they’re not alone, they’ve not been abandoned, you always return, and you’re there to tend to their needs, as best you can identify. So any response is better than no response, but how you respond is definitely key. So if you have a particularly alert little one, let’s say, or toddler-preschooler age, because they were all pretty alert around that age, and they’re really tuned into interactions from you, then sometimes with little ones like that, too much fuss, too much interaction, or too much effort really from you.
If there’s lots of, “Come on, shh, shh, back to sleep,” and you’re fully expressive in your face, you’re making eye contact, you’re all hands on, sometimes too much of that is actually over-stimulating, and can actually rile them up to the point they’re like, “Okay, hold on. Right, you here. Right, we’re interacting.” Or maybe it’s daytime. It can be too much for them and it will actually wake them up more or keep them awake, or leave them in that frustrated place wanting to be asleep but not really sure what’s going on, and it will prolong going back to sleep. And if that is the case, less is more, so responding with a more, well, I would always say to respond with a very nonchalant, unengaging, bland and boring, be bland and boring. You’re not standoffish, you’re not angry in any way, you’re not being cold. You’re also not being all fluffy and animated and molly coddled, and all-engaging because that’s for the daytime.
You’re in nighttime mode which means you are in, nothing to see here mode, it’s time for sleep, come back to sleep, matter of fact. And just keep it really simple, less is more. I would suggest that anyway, regardless of your baby or child’s temperament type, but be more aware of that and be ultra vigilant with that, if you have got a super alert because they will pick up on every little detail of your facial expressions, your animations, your voice, everything. Keep to a whisper in the nighttime. You only whisper, you’re bland and boring, right from the minute you say goodnight, lights out, until the time they’re allowed to wake up and start the day, you are in bland and boring whisper mode. And I would just say that for every single response, every single time.
So whether that’s a feed, a cuddle, a trip to the bathroom, still maintain that nighttime persona because it will help to get that message to your little one that it’s not time to start the day, it’s nighttime. And that helps to differentiate night from day. In the night, Mummy is like this, or Daddy, or a caregiver. This is nighttime, it’s sleep time. In the daytime, my parents or caregivers are like this and it’s different. So again, they’re just associating. Things like daylight and darkness tell you night and day, they send a message to the brain, daylight, awake time, darkness, sleep time. It’s a real simple message that the brain picks up on. And same with interaction and animation and engagement from you.
The response you might give and the approach you might take to helping your little one to resettle will be covered in next week’s Blog, where I will be exploring sleep onset, and how to actually really practice and work on that to help them settle to sleep, and the same goes for back to sleep.
You might find that next week’s Blog will help you to come back and apply what I talk about to the night wakings as well. And so in that response, it may be something that is a little less engaging and may be more distant, so you may give them a bit more space, and come and check on them regularly, and reassure them as they need it. Others will need a lot more hands-on help they’re going to need, while being bland and boring and unengaging, they’re going to need you to be very present. They may need that physical contact and help from you at first, they’re going to need more help to get back to sleep than some that might just actually need a bit more space.
And that will be determined by their individual little character traits, but more on that next week.
What I want to finish with is a message about consistency in your response to Night time Wakings. The number one thing that is going to get you an outcome, in anything, is consistency. And that sounds cliche, I think because it’s something people just say, but it’s pointless if it’s just something you say, you’ve got to actually do it. And you’ve got to know what it really means. And it means that you are responding to that night waking consistently, in the same way, every time. Whether it’s you, whether it’s your partner, whether it’s another family member or a caregiver, whoever’s going to that child, that child is getting the same response and going through those same processes every single time. Why? It’s the kindest thing to do for them.
It’s not going to give them mixed messages, confusion, or false expectations. It’s going to keep it really clear to them that, “Hey, we’re here for you. We love you. We are going to help you. And this is how, and this is what it looks like.” And if everyone who responds to that child responds in that way consistently, they feel safe, they feel secure. They feel like they can count on you, they can rely on you because whether they particularly like the response or not, at least they know they can count on it to be the same every time. At least they can count on you, they can rely on you, they can trust you. So consistency is absolutely key.
I hope this has helped you understand a little bit more about responding to those night wakings. Standby for my week, where we will go into sleep onset itself. It’s going to be a good one!
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There are so many different reasons for night wakings, but today we’re going to explore one particular thing that could be causing night wakings for your little one, and that is parasomnias. What on earth are they? In this week’s blog post I am going to explain exactly what they are, why they happen, how you can respond to them and how you can prevent them.
Let’s delve into parasomnias. It’s a funny old word, isn’t it? Actually, it comes from para, meaning alongside of, and the Latin noun of somnus, which means sleep. It’s something that happens alongside sleep, basically.
What is it? What are they? What are parasomnias?
You will have heard of them in their individual little forms, things like sleep talking, sleep walking. You may have heard of night terrors or sleep terrors, those are all part of the parasomnia family. What they really are, what it really is, what it really means is a movement or behavior in sleep. That’s the easiest way to explain it. Things like sleep walking actually are pretty hereditary. It runs in families. If you were a sleep walker, maybe your child will be. Don’t be surprised if you see that, it does run along in families.
That hopefully gives you an idea as to what parasomnias are and the group they belong to. Sleep walking, is walking in sleep. It’s getting up out of bed and physically walking around, and talking is talking or making noises in your sleep. But the one that I think needs a little more explanation is sleep terrors or night terrors, because a lot of parents think their child is having them. Maybe they are, maybe they’re not, so it’s good to understand what they actually even are. They are not bad dreams or nightmares or severe bad dreams or terror, that kind of thing. That’s a dream and it’s something that you wake up from and you can recall it. You can remember it if you try hard enough. The brain can recall it.
Whereas, a sleep terror or night terror, whilst it can come across as being similar in the moment, maybe you can see them thrashing around or speaking and appearing upset. It looks like someone’s in a really bad dream. However it’s actually not the same thing. It’s not the same place. They’re actually in a state of somewhere between awake and asleep.
They’re in a very deep sleep, but there’s an awake and an awareness element to it as well. I’m not going to go into the science right now. But what you’ll see in terms of the difference is a bad dream or a nightmare is, “Oh my gosh. It’s awful. It’s awful. I’m awake.” As opposed to a little one who looks like they are awake. They already look awake. With a night terror or a sleep terror, or actually the milder version that we tend to see in the younger ones is typically called a confusion arousal. It can still be a little bit upsetting or distressing in terms of their behavior, but it’s not quite as terrifying in terms of how they behave, but it is still very odd.
They can be as mild as sitting up and looking around and looking for something and being confused and then going back to sleep, hopefully. The thing with those, confusional arousals, sleep terrors, night terrors, that kind of thing, is they will look or can look as though they are awake. Parents often describe it as they look like they’re possessed. Soetimes in this state if you approach them, they might look like they’re looking right through you and you’re feeling like, “They don’t recognize me,” or that they aren’t responding to you. When you try to comfort them or anything like that you don’t get a response and that’s how these episodes can be.
How do you respond to them? That’s the thing. The key thing is not to try to jolt or shake or wake a person from a parasomnia. It would be really confusing for them. It could be upsetting, or you could actually just become a part of all of the confusion that they’re in. You just become a figure that’s in that weird world they’re in right now with their mind, if you think of it like that. It’s better not to try and wake them, but instead to monitor them. With children especially, with little ones, monitor that they’re not going to hurt themselves. They’re not getting into physical difficulty because if they are thrashing about or walking or moving around, they could injure themselves. So safety, primarily, is the thing you’re looking out for. If they’re of an age that they can get up and out of bed and they’re walking, guide them back nicely. Don’t try to interact. Just, “This way,” and guide them back. They’ll subconsciously have this, ‘you’re there, but you’re not really there’ level of awareness.
If it’s talking, honestly, I would let it go and let them talk. Let them chat away in their sleep. It’s really not a problem. If it’s a night terror, if they’re shouting out, “No, no, no,” frustrated or anything that is disturbing, again, monitor. Watch them. If you can watch either from a baby monitor video camera or from a crack in the door, just to make sure they’re okay, but hold back. If they are okay, just hold back. Don’t intervene. Let the episode pass. Like I said, you can’t exactly comfort them. It doesn’t really work.
I’ve tried this myself, by the way. My son was prone to having some of these when he was in the toddler/ preschooler age, so I know firsthand what it feels like as a parent to experience a child having one of these. It is really bizarre and it can be quite upsetting. Sometimes it can be funny, but sometimes they can be upsetting. Hold back and try not to stimulate or engage with the child. But if you can steer them and keep them safe, that’s great.
Again, with sleep walking, my youngest, actually, has done a bit of that. I know if she’s come downstairs of an evening, which is really, really rare for either of my children to ever do that, but if she does, I almost immediately know. I’ve even looked at her, looked at my husband and gone, “She’s not awake.” and then I’ll say to her, “Come on, back to bed,” just gently though, not to wake her up or startle her and I walk with her and tuck her in. In the morning when I ask her about it, she has no memory of it and it’s because it was a parasomnia. That’s kind of a nicer kind where it’s not really upsetting and she’s even laughed about that in the morning.
So that’s parasomnias, how to respond or not to respond to them, how to deal with them in the moment, and rest assured they will usually pass quite quickly, and it’s good to know that they typically happen in the first half of the night. Less often in the second half of the night, so usually you can deal with it before you’re having your lovely deep sleep. But what can you do to actually prevent it? How can you stop them? How can you stop them? Well, like I said, sometimes it can be hereditary anyway, and so it is part of their genetic makeup and a tendency that they may have. However, that tendency is far more likely to show itself if they’re overtired. I say this about everything and if you’ve read any of my other blogs or watched my YouTube videos or followed me for a while, you’ll understand that I’m always talking about overtiredness because it is absolutely the root of a large proportion of sleep challenges with little ones. But overtiredness is a reason you’re going to start to see these.
If your child has them a lot, I would question how much sleep are they getting overall? If they should be getting daytime sleep, are they and are they getting enough? If they’re past the age of daytime napping, how else could they be getting more rest? Are they going to bed too late or is bedtime all over the place? Could we bring that earlier and make it consistent?
I would say spot it. You’ve got to spot it, then you’ve got it. Where is it that they could be getting overtired? Where are we depleting and where can we top up and replenish that sleep? Because usually once we overcome overtiredness, we stop seeing these episodes.
So there we have it, that’s what parasomnias are, how you can handle them when they happen and things that you can do to try to prevent them.
Parasomnias, are bizarre, but they are very real. They happen, and if we can avoid them then you are removing something that creates disturbance in your child’s sleep. Because if they’re prone to having these parasomnias, it’s disturbing their sleep. Every time they’re having one, it is a disturbance and it’s interrupting their sleep and it will slightly diminish the quality of a night’s sleep.
I hope that has helped and given you a brilliant understanding of the basics of parasomnias, one of the many reasons for night wakings. Next week I’m going to be exploring night wakings in the sense of how to respond to them.
Take care!
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https://youtu.be/YGCOjZuaR1A
Being overtired is so often the cause of sleep challenges for babies and young children. You’d think being tired would lead to sleep, but being too tired actually makes sleep worse. In this week’s blog we’ll be exploring why being overtired is causing your little one to wake at night and how to figure out if your child is in fact overtired.
I know it’s counterintuitive, but when we get overtired, our sleep is worse. Why? Have you ever got so tired and for whatever reason you had to power through. And at some point, you just felt like you’d gone past it. And even though you hadn’t been to sleep, you didn’t feel tired anymore. Like a second wind.
That’s exactly what it is, a second wind. The brain tells the body it needs to keep going, so it releases hormones which are like getting an adrenaline boost. In other words, being overtired can leave you feeling quite awake and unable to get to sleep.
From birth, babies gradually manage longer and longer awake between sleeps. We call these wakeful windows, but most of us parents don’t know what the ideal wakeful windows are for our children. Plus, it’s a constantly changing target. Many babies and young children end up being awake for too long between sleeps and a sleep deficit builds up.
This leads to children filled with hormones at bedtime that are making it harder for them to settle to sleep. Or if they do crash out, the night sleep is disturbed or unsettled. And almost for sure, you get the 05:00 AM wake-up calls. If you know what I’m talking about, and you’ve experienced life with an early riser, like I have.
So how do we solve this? How do we get your little one to take all the sleep they need, so they don’t get overtired on a continual basis? Step one is, knowing those sleep and wakeful windows. This knowledge is true power. It will help you to know when to attempt to put your baby down for a nap and how long to aim for with the sleep.
It’s great to have a backup plan too because they often won’t sleep when or as much as we’d like. So you may need to bring the next nap a little bit earlier or get them to bed a bit earlier to top them up. Step two is, topping up the sleep tank. If you know your little one is already overtired, try some early nights or an extra power nap. If you can replenish the empty sleep tank, you’ll find your little one is better positioned to take better naps and sleep more soundly at night, which will further recover the overtiredness. If you’re experiencing sleep deteriorating for your little one after starting nursery or daycare, it may be because he’s just not getting the sleep he needs while there. I get a lot of messages from parents saying their child is overtired since starting in a childcare setting.
It’s similar to when children start school. The change and the emotional energy to be “brave,” is all extra tiring. In this case, do talk to the childcare provider to see if they can accommodate the sleep needs for your little one. And also make sure they’re getting to bed nice and early after those busy days. If your pickup time is right on top of nap time, consider tweaking your schedule for the short term, so he can get the sleep he needs at nursery, or once at home. Topping up with longer naps at the weekend or on home days will also really help. If your baby is overtired due to naps being very short and not replenishing, you can try working on extending the nap with some soothing back to sleep, rather than just getting your baby up the moment she wakes. Or you could head out for a motion nap in the pram or the car, just to help finish off that broken sleep.
For some, especially parents of two-year-olds who don’t want a nap, but really do need to, it can be such a battle and we just don’t want to fight every day. And we give up on the napping way before the child is ready to drop it. At first, things might seem okay with crash-out sleep at night, but it will catch up with you and before long you’ll experience the early rising at 05:00 AM. So decide which is more painful for you, persisting to get your toddler to take a nap in the day or the early wakings and possible unraveling of night’s sleep.
Avoiding overtiredness is one of the biggest keys to having a well-rested, healthily restored, and happy little one. And the same goes for you too. Until next time, sleep soundly and live with vibrance.
Book a discovery call and find out how we can help you with your little ones sleep.