The Australian Surrogacy Podcast: Recent Episodes
Sarah Jefford
Sarah Jefford presents the Australian Surrogacy Podcast, sharing stories from intended parents and surrogates from around Australia. Sarah is a surrogate and a surrogacy lawyer in Australia. Join Sarah as she shares information and surrogacy stories from around the country.
The Surrogacy Podcast Episode 100: Mike, Nate and Sarah. We made it to 100 episodes of the Podcast! And it seems only fitting that we revisit the earlier episodes, and in particular my interview with my intended parents, Mike and Nate. When we recorded those first episodes, we were very early in the fourth trimester and and finding our feet as new parents and (old) surrogate. Almost three years later, with a toddler running around and the benefit of hindsight and reflection, we got to chat about our relationships with each other, with Darcey and my children, and what we've learned in the past three years. We also got to chat about Mike and Nate's experience of parenting post-surrogacy, in a two-dad family.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 99: Reflections on surrogacy with Sarah Jefford. I was lucky enough to sit down with Miranda Crowther-Jones, writer, and mother through egg donation and surrogacy, and talk about the last 3 years and my book, More Than Just a Baby. You might remember Miranda from her own episode on the Podcast, and also from her guest blog post she wrote about parenting with a chronic illness.
We are celebrating 100 episodes of the Podcast in the coming weeks! This episode reflects on the last 98 episodes, and on the perpetual journey of surrogacy.
The Surrogacy Podcast Episode 98: Yvette and Cam. Yvette and Cameron are intended parents in South Australia and have shared their story for the Surrogacy Podcast.
Yvette is a primary school teacher, and teaches drama and dance in French. She can speak four languages! Cameron considers himself the family chauffeur and chef. Yvette's son Xavier is a gamer kid, and Cameron's sous-chef. Cameron can speak Japanese and has worked as a garbologist!
Yvette has a long history of infertility and pregnancy losses, and has adenomyosis. Their specialist has recommended that they consider surrogacy in South Australia to grow their family.
The Surrogacy Podcast Episode 97: Katie. Katie is a surrogate in New Zealand, who carried for her sister and birthed a few months ago. Katie is originally from Ireland, and so is her sister - so their surrogacy journey crossed Irish and New Zealand borders and two different legal frameworks. Add in a global pandemic part-way through a pregnancy, and a mad-dash across the world before borders shut, and then two families in lockdown before a baby arrives - and we've got quite the epic tale of surrogacy!
The Surrogacy Podcast Episode 96: Angela and Kirsty: surrogacy pregnancy during COVID. Ange is an intended mother in Queensland, and Kirsty is her surrogate. Kirsty is pregnant and due in just under two months. They met through the Australian Surrogacy Community on Facebook, and had an embryo transfer in February - just weeks before the COVID pandemic led to lockdowns and restrictions in hospitals. As the pregnancy has progressed, they've had difficulties planning the birth, attending hospital together for appointments, and negotiating with the hospital. Their hospital is a COVID hotspot, with several staff diagnosed with the virus. And Kirsty is a fast-birther, so choosing another hospital further away from home is out of the question.
Unfortunately, Kirsty and Ange have had to deal with 'one size fits all' hospital policies that were going to prevent either of the intended parents attend hospital, leave Kirsty to birth without them, and require Kirsty to care for the baby in the hours and days after the birth. But, with a bit of pushing by them, advocating for themselves, and some advocating by their surrogacy lawyer (!) they've been able to get a better response from the hospital.
Hospitals and healthcare providers who are supporting a surrogacy pregnancy and birth need to develop a surrogacy policy, and need to recognise that the birthing person is not the parent, and does not generally wish to care for the baby once it is born. And the parents do want to provide care, and neither of them have given birth. It is in a child's interests that they be cared for by their parents, and a surrogate cannot be forced to care for a child she birthed.
The Surrogacy Podcast Episode 95: Cherie and Alex. Cherie is a cancer survivor, and she and her partner Alex live with their gorgeous pups in Melbourne. They've recently managed to freeze embryos, and Cherie is taking time out to concentrate on her health after the cancer diagnosis. Cherie is an accomplished pianist and violinist, and Alex is heavily involved in car clubs. Cherie is into trashy reality television (I reckon she should be ON Gogglebox!).
Cherie has recently started her own cooking blog on Instagram, cooking up a storm of recipes from her family and Alex's family. You can follow her on Instagram @cookingwith_cherie. Cherie and Alex are both on Facebook and happy to connect with the surrogacy community, and have been on the community Zoom calls. Hopefully social distancing restrictions will lift so we can have some face to face catch ups in Melbourne.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 94: Susan. Susan was a Brisbane surrogate, not once but twice, for two different couples. Susan's partner, Loz, was on the Podcast in Episode 47. Susan and Loz have three adult children of their own and live in Brisbane. Susan decided to become a surrogate after having her own children, and met intended parents in Brisbane. We talked about her first journey, and how quickly she made the decision to carry a baby for people she had met online. Having learned some valuable lessons from her first journey, Susan was a surrogate again for another Brisbane couple and gave birth earlier this year to Arlo. The birth was just on the cusp of the COVID restrictions, and at the time of our conversation Susan was still dealing with some health challenges arising from Arlo's birth. We also talked about the frustrating symptoms of pregnancy, including post-partum hair loss, which can feel more challenging when we don't have a baby to show for it!
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 93: Scott and Sean. This is a Stories Series episode with Scott and Sean, sharing their surrogacy story for the Podcast. Scott and Sean live in Melbourne and are a gay couple with a menagerie of animals named after famous people and food. Sean is a psychiatric nurse, and Scott works as a retail manager. They're favourite holiday destination country is England, although they have to be careful with their language when they're abroad.
You can find Scott in the Australian Surrogacy Community on Facebook. That's also where you'll find details of the ASC Zoom meet ups which Scott and Phillipa have been running to keep us socially connected since COVID kept us all physically distant. You can also follow Scott and Sean's Instagram account @two_bears2014.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 92: Hannah. Hannah lives in South Australia was diagnosed with MRKH in her early 20's. she's long-known that she would need a surrogate to carry a baby for her. MRKH, or Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome, is a disorder that often results in an absent or underdeveloped uterus. Hannah is a single mum and she became a mum when her cousin delivered her baby girl, Imara, in 2019. Her cousin's offer was on standby for 8 years before they decided to go ahead. Hannah had a few legal hurdles stood in their way because surrogacy was not an option for single parents in South Australia at the time.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 91: Rob. Rob and his husband Mark recently returned to Australia with their son Louis, who was born through altruistic surrogacy in Canada. They explored egg donation and surrogacy within Australia before considering options overseas. They created embryos with a donor in the USA, and finally landed on surrogacy in Canada and met their surrogate Toya in record time. Baby Louis arrived earlier this year at the cusp of the pandemic and airport shutdowns, but they were able to return to Australia before things got too hairy.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 90: Francine and Ian. Francine came to Australia for a 'gap year' - and is still here, many years later! Francine was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 31, and is lucky enough to now be cancer-free, 5 years on. They've had a lovely offer of an egg donor and are hoping to create embryos in the coming months.
Francine recommends Brene Brown books and podcasts, and in particular her book Daring Greatly. She's also been trying her hand at sourdough bread! Ian is from Canberra and enjoys gardening - and he should probably have shares in Bunnings! Francine calls him her Macgyver and he's quite handy around the house.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 89: Emma and Alex. Emma and Alex are intended parents in Canberra, hoping to grow their family through surrogacy. They have one child, Felix, and after Emma was treated for cervical cancer they are hoping to grow their family through surrogacy. Emma has been doing IVF (and more IVF) with ovarian grafting treatment in Melbourne. Emma is a teacher, but she would love to be a pastry chef! Alex's hobby is painting tiny wartime figurines!
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 88: Hayley. Hayley is a donor conceived person in Victoria, and her parents shared with her that she was donor conceived when she was 12 years old. When she was older, Hayley did a DNA test with consumer-DNA sites (like Ancestry and 23andme), and worked out who her biological father was, and connected with several donor-conceived siblings. Hayley later connected with her biological father through the Central Register which is managed by VARTA.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 87: Anthony and Patrick. Anthony and Patrick are gay dads in Sydney, and they became dads through surrogacy when their daughter was born in 2017. Their surrogate, Bree, was on Episode 42 of the Podcast, and she and her family live in Victoria. The team progressed with a gestational surrogacy arrangement to have Haesel, and later entered a traditional surrogacy arrangement to try and have a a sibling for Haesel. They are now putting themselves out there for the possibility of meeting new friends who might help them grow their family.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 86: Adelle. Adelle became a mother almost two years ago when she gave birth to her son, Lincoln. The birth was smooth, but the aftermath was anything but. Adelle suffered a significant injury arising from the birth, which resulted in her having an ileostomy, which ultimately saved her life. Part of her journey of recovery and healing from her birth trauma including setting up her personal Instagram page at Overnight Ostomate where she found support and solidarity from other people with ileostomies.
Adelle now runs Haven Legal Co, (also on Instagram @Haven_Legal_Co) where you can get your wills and estate planning sorted. Whether you are an intended parent or surrogate, you should make sure your will is up to date to reflect your intentions for where you want your estate to go if you or your partner die.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 85: Emma-Lee. Emma-Lee is an egg donor, and is also a genetic genealogist - she researches genetic histories as a hobby. This means she can find out all sorts of information about someone, based on them, or their genetic relatives, having uploaded their DNA to a consumer site, such as Ancestry.com.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 84: Crystal. Crystal was a surrogate for friends Martin and Paul, whom she met through the online surrogacy community. You might like to listen to Martin and Paul's episode 73 as well, as this team has some great advice from all their perspectives.
Crystal and I recorded this interview during the COVID pandemic, when she was about six months' post birth. The pandemic meant that the Parentage Order was made in the Judge's chambers, and that Crystal couldn't travel to see Martin, Paul and Zac for the planned hearing and celebration. Crystal reflects on the hormonal roller-coaster post-birth and the fourth trimester, and her experiences of maintaining the relationship and connections when they can't be in each other's company.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 83: Sarah-Jayne. Sarah-Jayne is a Perinatal and Family Psychologist, who provides counselling for surrogacy and fertility and parenting. We talked about the importance of managing our mental health and accessing support on the way to parenthood (and when we get there!) and how the team can support each other during the surrogacy as well. Sarah-Jayne has some great tips for recognising the different stages of the surrogacy and infertility journey and what you can do to build resilience, ask for help and hold on to hope along the way.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 82: Ben and Matt are intended parents and are sharing their story as part of the Stories Series of the Podcast. What we know about Ben is that he’s a magician and entertainer! And Matt likes Paul Jennings books! They live in Point Cook, Victoria, and are the Fun Uncles in their family. They’re well-travelled and love beach holidays and New York city. My favourite part of this episode is hearing about Matt’s favourite book, and Ben’s favourite movie – but you’ll have to listen to find out the details.
You can follow Ben and Matt’s journey as intended parents on Instagram @2dadsandalittlebaby and see Ben’s magical Instagram account @benmurphymagician
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 81: Helder and Mark. Helder and Mark live in NSW and love travelling and experiencing other cultures.They're now settled in Sydney, NSW and hoping to grow their family through surrogacy. Helder is an agriculturalist, originally from Portugal, and he speaks three languages. He can dream in Spanish, English and Portuguese! Mark is a project manager and is originally from the UK, and he once held up an international airport! I won't tell you what Mark's favourite books are - but you might be shocked! Helder and Mark have an egg donor and have enjoyed building a relationship with her and her family.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 80: Ashlee and Chris are intended parents living in Brisbane, Queensland and they’re sharing their story as part of the Stories Series of the Surrogacy Podcast. Ashlee and Chris consider themselves ‘crazy cat people’ and have a cat, Tigger who is 19! They’re home bodies interested in human rights and the environment and they love travelling, and their favourite destination is Japan. Ashlee has a chronic health condition that makes long-distance travel or carrying a baby risky for her. You can find out more about them in the Podcast!
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 79: Pat.
This episode of the Podcast is part of the Stories Series, which recognises the power of storytelling and sharing our experiences that brought us to surrogacy. Pat recorded this self-interview for the Podcast, to share her story of trying to grow her family. Pat experienced infertility and was able to conceive with the help of a generous egg donor, but sadly endured a pregnancy loss and gave birth to her beloved son. She's since been advised that surrogacy is her best option for growing her family.
Pat is an active member of the Australian Surrogacy Community Facebook Group, as well as Egg Donation Australia where she found her egg donor. She is an excellent example of what commitment and energy that you put into the community is what you can hope to receive in return.
Anne (not her real name) became a mother through an unconventional arrangement with her neighbours. It was similar to surrogacy - and similar to adoption. The team didn't know anything about surrogacy laws and processes before the baby was on the way. Unfortunately, as they came to discover, the child protection system and the legal system had some different ideas about the arrangement. It was almost two years after the birth that the legal process was finalised, granting Anne parental responsibility for her daughter.
Anne and I shared this story in the hope that we could educate intended parents and surrogates about the consequences of entering 'off-grid' arrangements, and the importance of following the processes so as to get the Parentage Order for the child. Anne was granted a court order, but it was not a Parentage Order, it was a Parenting Order. And the order she was granted came at great legal expense and a huge emotional toll for her and the birth parents.
Madeline was a gestational surrogate in NSW, for intended dads who lived a few hours away. Madeline had a rollercoaster journey - including a false start with different intended parents, new intended parents, positive pregnancy tests, surprise twin pregnancy, then subsequent pregnancy loss. The team recovered and went on to have baby Micah. When we recorded this interview, Madeline was at the end of the fourth trimester, so it was all fresh in her mind and she was able to talk candidly about her experiences of the pregnancy, birth and beyond.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 76: Liz. Liz and her partner have been wanting and trying to grow their family for many years, and eventually it led them down the surrogacy path. They researched many options, and finally landed on surrogacy in Tbilisi, Georgia.
It's been a long and hard journey to get where they are, but now they're quietly excited to be expecting twins later this year. COVID-19 has thrown in some extra challenges, but Liz is the ultimate planner and organiser and if anyone's able to manage it, it's her.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 75: Elyse.
Elyse and her partner went through many years and many rounds of fertility treatment before researching donor conception and international surrogacy. They eventually created embryos with an Australian donor with a Thai clinic, and went on to have twins via surrogacy in Thailand. The babies were born not long after the surrogacy situation in Thailand changed dramatically, with the Baby Gammy saga.
Several years later, when they were preparing for the twins to graduate from childcare to school, Elyse discovered she was pregnant - naturally! She went on to deliver her daughter in 2019. She's now one of 'those women' who conceived naturally after infertility - a unique and rather special place to be.
Elyse and I talked about her journey in Thailand, and returning to Australia with the babies, and parenting after surrogacy. As Elyse says, 'if you’re gonna go through all of that, you definitely want a baby. These kids are going to be the most loved children in the entire world because their parents fought so hard to have them."
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 74: Tim. Tim is an intended parent, and with his husband Jason is pursuing surrogacy in Melbourne.
In this episode, we talked about the challenges and pitfalls of looking for a surrogate in Australia, using social media and local meet-ups. Not everyone likes social media, so when that is the primary medium for finding a surrogate or intended parents, it can be a daunting prospect.
In this episode, we talked about:
How to find a surrogate in Australia
The Australian Surrogacy Community Facebook group
The Surrogacy Handbook, which is free and downloadable - and Tim's favourite resource
Our mutual friend Amanda, who appeared on the Podcast in episode 18
The fun and support you can get at a local surrogacy catch-up
Why it's important to follow the rules of social media engagement.
Tim's advice, for surrogates and intended parents: "You can't leave a footprint if you don't step in the mud." But just as important, you have a responsibility to yourself and to the surrogacy community, to make sure that others have a positive experience of surrogacy.
You can find more information reading articles in the Blog, by listening to more episodes of the Podcast. You can also book in for a consult with me below.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 73: Martin and Paul.
Martin and Paul are gay dads in Victoria and recently welcomed their son Zac through a surrogacy arrangement with a surrogate, Crystal, in Queensland. They found their egg donor and surrogate via online forums, notwithstanding the daunting prospect of pursuing surrogacy in Australia.
We talked about heaps of things in this episode, including:
The importance of Setting Expectations for our surrogacy journey and the document that Martin, Paul and Crystal used to get them on the same page. . Their connection with other gay dads, including Carla's intended parents and gay dads Andrew and Simon, and the importance of community support. . The wonder and importance of surrogacy birth photography. . How they found an egg donor, and how they found a surrogate. . The ways to support a surrogate, including practical ways to help when you don't live nearby.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 72: Amber, Jake and Aaron.
This team broke new ground, becoming the first team to proceed with a surrogacy arrangement for gay intended dads in South Australia. You might be surprised that this was a new thing, but laws in South Australia only changed recently to allow same-sex male couples to engage in surrogacy in their own state.
To make it more interesting, Amber was a traditional surrogate for Jake and Aaron, and the team was told by IVF clinics and lawyers that it was not legal in South Australia. Why is that? Well, many people believe that traditional surrogacy is illegal - the only place where it is not legal is in the ACT. They also think that traditional surrogates WON'T GIVE UP THE BABY (guess what? they do!)
Amber, Jake and Aaron met on the Australian Surrogacy Community and now have a lifelong friendship. As they reach the end of the fourth trimester, they're experiencing the perpetual journey that is a surrogacy relationship.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 71: Ric. Ric is a West Australian single man pursuing surrogacy to grow his family. Unfortunately, the surrogacy laws in Western Australia prohibit single men and same sex male couples from pursuing surrogacy within their own State, forcing people to move interstate or pursuing international surrogacy.
Whilst there are changes afoot, they're taking too long, and in the meantime Ric is looking at other avenues. We also talked about the legacy left behind by his loving and very much loved wife Susannah, and the work he's been doing to effect law reform in WA.
Michelle is an egg donor and surrogate in New South Wales, and delivered a baby for two dads in 2019. She's married and has two teenage children, and is gearing up to conceive another baby for the same intended parents in 2020. Michelle and I talked about her egg donations, her relationships with her donor recipients and their children, the surrogacy and the challenges and highlights of her journey.
Henry and Lisa appeared in Episode 14 of the Podcast, and are now back for a retrospective, to tell us what's happened over the last 18 months. They welcomed baby Harry through surrogacy, and have some insights for intended parents for what to expect in the months after the baby arrives. What's it like parenting after surrogacy? How do the relationships change, in a surrogacy team? What are their plans for the future?
Jessica was a gestational surrogate for friends living nearby in regional Victoria, and delivered a baby in November. She's right at the end of the fourth trimester, so it was great to check in with her and find out how the last few months have been for her, her family and her relationship with the baby and the intended parents.
We talked about so much in this episode, and Jessica's reflections were so invaluable. I just know that surrogates and intended parents in the future will be listening to this episode and taking notes and nodding along with her advice. Here's some things we talked about:
the importance of having discussions as a team about what to expect from the process, and IVF treatment and specialist care; planning a surrogacy birth and the importance of having amazing supports, including continuity of care; what to expect in the fourth trimester; the importance of surrogacy counselling and having support from someone amazing like Katrina Hale; how you can plan for what happens after the surrogacy is over, to help you get back to a normal life.
We also talked about the Surrogacy Sisterhood, and how having the support of women who have been surrogates is so invaluable to get you through the unique experience of being a surrogate.
Lara gave birth only three weeks before this interview, so she was in the thick of birth recovery and the fourth trimester. We talked about what it feels like to give away a baby, even when you are giving it to family and know that you'll be part of their lives forever.
We haven't had many stories of sisters carrying for siblings, so it is really nice to hear from someone who chose to do so.
This is such a heartwarming and lovely episode, and Lara was generous to give me her time only three weeks post-partum. But, as you'll hear, she's doing really well and even surprised herself with how smoothly the post-birth period has been going for her.
In this episode, Katrina and I talked about the fourth trimester in a surrogacy arrangement. Katrina has a formula for how to plan for the fourth trimester, which includes:
the intended parents and surrogate being within a doorway of each other for the first 3-5 days; the intended parents and surrogate being within 10 minutes of each other for the first 2 weeks; and the intended parents and surrogate being within a phone call of each other for the first 3 months.
Whilst the distances are figurative (you might not be within a doorway physically, but should expect to be able to knock on each others' doors at any time for those days), the idea is that the parties gradually wean from each other. Intended parents who live interstate from their surrogate, should expect to be nearby for at least the first two weeks.
Katrina also acknowledges that the fourth trimester can be difficult for the intended parents. Like other parents, they are likely to be completely consumed with their new baby, and suffering with sleep deprivation. But on top of that, they also have the responsibility of making sure their surrogate is well and supported, and that she feels loved and appreciated. They can show this with messages and photos (of them with their baby, not just the baby).
Sheridon is a Birth Doula and Educator in Melbourne, supporting birthing people, birth partners and community members in the lead up, during and after birth.
Sheridon and I covered a lot in this interview, including:
The importance of birthing people, their partners and intended parents being educated about labour and birth before entering the birthing space. Why having a Doula is so important in any birth including a surrogacy birth. The importance of birth photography, to capture the processes and moments so that you can focus on witnessing the baby being born and meeting their parents and tell the story of the birth to the child as they grow older.
In this episode, Katrina and I spoke about the importance of planning ahead with your surrogacy birth. You might think it's a matter of deciding if the surrogate will have pain relief and who will cut the cord, but surrogacy births are a little more complex. You should plan early and enquire with the hospitals where you might birth about their surrogacy policies and practices. Some things to ask about include:
Whether the hospital has managed a surrogacy birth recently; Whether the hospital has a surrogacy policy that you can read. If not, you can give them this free hospital surrogacy policy. Whether the intended parents will be provided with birth education and parent craft support; How they will support the team with decisions about milk and feeding a surrogacy baby; Whether both intended parents will be present in theatre in case of a c-section; Will the intended parents be able to stay in a separate room with the baby; and Whether the hospital will be able to support the surrogate and baby being discharged from hospital separately if necessary.
Raya is an intended mother in Melbourne and is due to meet her new baby in the next week! Her lovely sister-in-law, her husband's sister, Lara, is due to give birth any day now. I'll be interviewing Lara in a later episode. Raya and I talked about her journey of trying to conceive with her husband, and suffering with infertility and then going through IVF to try and have a baby. Sadly, Raya developed Ashmeran's Syndrome, which left her unable to carry a child. Lara and her partner offered to carry a baby for Raya long before they knew that surrogacy was going to be their only option.
The third trimester, or 'the pointy end' of pregnancy, is hormone-fuelled and can be raw, emotional, challenging and overwhelming. When you throw in surrogacy, the third trimester becomes even more complex. Surrogates, who have often been a leader within the team, become vulnerable and turn inward, wanting to close the doors and spend private time with their family, preparing herself for birth. Their partner may need to step up and become the conduit and communicator between the surrogate and the intended parents, to express her needs and support the team as a whole. Intended parents will want to spend some energy preparing for their new baby. It's a time of bonding, high emotions and a lot of waiting.
Kate is an intended parent from WA, who is now the parent of Jack, who was born through surrogacy earlier this year. You may recall hearing from Kate's surrogate, Michelle, in Episode 51. Kate was born with MRKH, meaning she knew for many years that her only option for having a biological child was through surrogacy. She did her research, developed a friendship with Michelle and her family, and they progressed through the WA surrogacy process.
Whilst Michelle's pregnancy with Jack was pretty smooth, the moments after the birth were pretty hairy. Kate now tells that story, from her perspective. What's it like being an intended parent, watching your surrogate face birth complications that risk her wellbeing and life? And how are Kate and Kris going now, 4 months after becoming parents?
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 55: Ella. Ella is an IVF mum with a background in the pharmaceutical industry and has worked in the Australian surrogacy industry for a number of years. Ella now works for the Fertility Center of Las Vegas - all the way from her home in Sydney. Have you got questions about US surrogacy options and processes? How do agencies and clinics work together? What are the screening processes for surrogates and intended parents? Should you create embryos here in Australia or in your destination country? What are the donor options overseas? Is surrogacy an option if you are single or gay, or do you have to be married? Ella provides a really good overview of how surrogacy works in the US so that half the research has been done for you. In the interests of transparency, Ella is obviously working in the industry and her organisation is in the business of IVF and surrogacy services. The Fertility Center of Las Vegas has also provided financial sponsorship toward the Surrogate's Sisterhood Day in 2019. I do not receive commissions or 'kickbacks' from FCLV (nor do they from me!). If you are researching your options overseas and in Australia, you should seek independent and individual advice about your particular circumstances, and consider information from various resources. What I like about the information that Ella provides is that she is also transparent about who her employer is, and she provides information to intended parents that allows them to make an informed decision that suits their needs. My advice, when considering overseas options, is to ask whether the person providing the advice has any conflicts of interest and whether they are being paid for referrals.
Claire is my sister, and Cass is her wife, and they grew their family with the help of a donor, and egg-sharing, and their daughter Aria arrived earlier this year.
You'll hear from Cass about her journey as a single intended parent, and then finding a donor in her friend and his family, and then partnering with Claire and journeying together to Aria's creation.
Dr Lynn Burmeister of No. 1 Fertility. Dr Lynn was gracious enough to talk to me about fertility and infertility, and what we can expect from surrogacy fertility treatments. She also gave a few pointers for people trying to conceive, about the sorts of lifestyle changes we can make to improve our fertility health, and what a surrogate can expect from a treatment cycle.
Marian became a mother through surrogacy when her son Hugo was born. You might remember Hugo's story from episode 23, when I interviewed his surrogate, Rachel. The team welcomed Hugo's sister, Matilda, in 2018. Marian threw herself into the surrogacy journey and she and Rachel have a very special, one-of-a-kind surrogacy relationship.
Costa and his partner Ghaith pursued surrogacy in Canada, and recently welcomed their daughter Panayiota into the world. Their story is not unique, but Costa's views on a surrogacy are particularly lovely and heart-warming. He and Ghaith are strong in their convictions that Panayiota's story be one of love, and that she should know that she was created with love and is surrounded by a community of people who love her, including her birth mother. Rather than spoil it for you, have a listen and get ready to smile all day.
imon is the partner of three-time surrogate Rachael, who appeared in Episode 23 (all three parts of it!). Surrogate partners provide great insight into what is involved in a surrogacy arrangement for the surrogate team. Partners are our anchors, and also a good measure of how things are really going when we might want to focus only on the positive. Simon has supported Rachel and been on the surrogacy journey with her over more than a decade, and his experience is invaluable for other surrogate partners, as well as for surrogates and intended parents.
Jeremy and Shaun are gay intended dads in Melbourne and recently welcomed their son Elio via surrogacy with their friends in Queensland. They had the help of a friend who was their egg donor, and they proceeded through the Victorian process and the Patient Review Panel.
Together with their surrogate and her wife, the four of them made a great team and managed an interstate surrogacy journey and have had a really positive experience. Jeremy and Shaun are really focused on Elio's interests and his need to know his story and have contact with his birth family and donor family.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast Episode 55: Ella. Ella is an IVF mum with a background in the pharmaceutical industry and has worked in the Australian surrogacy industry for a number of years. Ella now works for the Fertility Center of Las Vegas - all the way from her home in Sydney.
Have you got questions about US surrogacy options and processes? How do agencies and clinics work together? What are the screening processes for surrogates and intended parents? Should you create embryos here in Australia or in your destination country? What are the donor options overseas? Is surrogacy an option if you are single or gay, or do you have to be married? Ella provides a really good overview of how surrogacy works in the US so that half the research has been done for you.
In the interests of transparency, Ella is obviously working in the industry and her organisation is in the business of IVF and surrogacy services. The Fertility Center of Las Vegas has also provided financial sponsorship toward the Surrogate's Sisterhood Day in 2019. I do not receive commissions or 'kickbacks' from FCLV (nor do they from me!). If you are researching your options overseas and in Australia, you should seek independent and individual advice about your particular circumstances, and consider information from various resources. What I like about the information that Ella provides is that she is also transparent about who her employer is, and she provides information to intended parents that allows them to make an informed decision that suits their needs. My advice, when considering overseas options, is to ask whether the person providing the advice has any conflicts of interest and whether they are being paid for referrals.
Kate is an intended parents from WA, who is now the parent of Jack, who was born through surrogacy earlier this year. You may recall hearing from Kate's surrogate, Michelle, in Episode 51. Kate was born with MRKH, meaning she knew for many years that her only option for having a biological child was through surrogacy. She did her research, developed a friendship with Michelle and her family, and they progressed through the WA surrogacy process.
Whilst Michelle's pregnancy with Jack was pretty smooth, the moments after the birth were pretty hairy. Kate now tells that story, from her perspective. What's it like being an intended parent, watching your surrogate face birth complications that risk her wellbeing and life? And how are Kate and Kris going now, 4 months after becoming parents?
Sam is a Queensland mother of 5, who found her Victorian intended parents through an article posted online about the couples' struggles with infertility.
Sam, huge-hearted and generous, reached out to the couple and they developed a friendship. Their journey was considerably challenging, with extra bureaucracy and delays, and dealing with the Patient Review Panel process in Victoria. Sam was patient and determined, and all paid off with the birth of Noah earlier this year. Sam is now 10 weeks' post-partum and enjoying the surrogacy high in the fourth trimester.
Michelle, doula, FIFO partner and mum from WA. Michelle enjoyed pregnancy and birth so much that she went back and did it again, for WA couple Kate and Kris. Kate has MRKH, and the team found each other through the surrogacy community. Whilst they had an amazing pregnancy and birth experience, Michelle suffered from a post-partum haemorrhage and woke up in ICU the next day. The experience was traumatic, and yet Michelle says she'd do it all over again if she could.
This is episode 50 of the Surrogacy Podcast, another Khale series episode with Katrina Hale, and it makes sense that with celebrating episode 50 we discussed milestones and rituals in surrogacy. You might think a baby shower or birthday is a pretty straight-forward and simple affair, celebrating the parents and child, but like all things in surrogacy, it's more complex than that.
This is episode 49 of the Surrogacy Podcast, another Khale series episode with Katrina Hale, where we discussed Traditional Surrogacy. You might think traditional surrogacy is just a cheaper and easier method than gestational surrogacy, but the truth is that it is more potentially more complex and involves other factors that should be given consideration before proceeding.
Katrina Hale is a surrogacy counsellor, and in this episode we talk about the fears that we experience in surrogacy journeys - the intended parents' fears and the surrogate's fears. Katrina talks about what to expect with those fears, when they might be triggered, how we can manage them and what we need to do to look after ourselves and each other.
You can find Katrina at www.katrinapsychology.com.au.
Kim pursued surrogacy in the Ukraine. Kim has been through a hell of a ride to get to this point in her surrogacy journey. Infertility, IVF, donor eggs, and finally surrogacy in the Ukraine. This interview was conducted in the week before she and her husband jetted off to the Ukraine for the birth of their daughter.
The Australian Surrogacy Podcast shares stories from intended parents and surrogates from around Australia. Some of these stories involve overseas journeys, where donor conception and surrogacy might be done differently and with different regulations than that which we know is best practice in Australia. Donor-conceived people have the right to access information about their donor and other genetic family members. Surrogate autonomy and welfare should be promoted above the interests of the intended parents. If you are considering surrogacy or donor options, whether in Australia or overseas, you might like to research more about what we know is best practice and what promotes the best interests of children - there are some resources on my website at www.sarahjefford.com
Sometimes it takes a village to create a child, and in this case it took a cast of 10 people. Simone delivered a baby as a surrogate for intended parents in Adelaide, and the arrangement involved Simone's partner and daughter, the intended parents and the egg donor Anna and her family.When Simone first raised the idea of surrogacy with her husband, he was completely opposed, and it was only after having counselling with a surrogacy counsellor that they were able to be on the same page. Simone talks candidly about how important her husband's support was during the process, and the pregnancy and birth.Simone has been riding the 'surro-high' since the birth, and described the fourth trimester as being 'amazing.' She direct-fed the baby for the first few days and couldn't have been happier with the decision to breastfeed.
Jessica was a gestational surrogate for her friends Gareth and Bec - you can listen to Gareth's interview with me at Episode 25. Jessica and her family live in South Africa, whilst Bec and Gareth lived in Queensland. Their surrogacy crossed a few international borders, but also involved the tragic passing of Bec during Jessica's pregnancy. Despite the tragedy, Jessica still thinks you should consider being a surrogate if you can.
Shannon Garner has been a surrogate, not once but twice for a lovely gay couple in NSW. Shannon went on to write about her first surrogacy experience and is now a published author - Labour of Love, published by Simon & Schuster is available online and in book stores.
Shannon is thoughtful and generous, and has contributed countless hours to the surrogacy community over the years. This podcast episode is no different - she has a lovely story to tell, and was kind enough to share it with me.
Bree was a gestational surrogate, delivering baby Haesel in 2017 for her dads. This year, Bree is attempting to fall pregnant as a traditional surrogate for the same parents.
Bree's intended parents live interstate, so there's been some challenges for the team to support each other. Bree also provides some insight into why a surrogate might make the switch from gestational surrogacy to traditional surrogacy.
Gail is a mother of a donor-conceived child and has been writing about her experiences of donor parenting on her blog, Donor Conception and Beyond. She started writing about donor conception and her experiences, after discovering that her daughter had 100+ donor siblings across the world. Gail is now writing a book for anyone considering gamete donation, including prospective parents and donors, entitled Donor Conception And Beyond: A Step by Step Guide for Australians.
Cara is a trans woman, and together with her partner is pursuing surrogacy to have a child. They’ve been on this journey for more than two years – their first surrogate was Cara’s sister who was offering both eggs and uterus, but unfortunately they didn’t achieve a pregnancy. Now, they’re pursuing surrogacy with two friends as their egg donor and gestational surrogate. It’s been a long road, but all hope is now on them having a baby with the help of their friends and a Clinic.
Miranda is an amazing story teller, so you can understand why I barely said a word in this interview. She is an egg donor recipient, a mum through surrogacy, and had a heart transplant not that long ago. She's inspiring and courageous, and her story will give you goosebumps.
Kate Bourne is the Donor Services Manager at the Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority (VARTA), which provides independent information and support for individuals, couples, and health professionals on fertility, infertility, assisted reproductive treatment (ART) and the best interests of children born. Kate talked to me about VARTA's work with supporting parents, donors and donor-conceived people, and the importance of being truthful about donor conception and telling early. VARTA hosts Time to Tell seminars each year, and also provides a wealth of information and resources for anyone in the donor and surrogacy community.
When it comes to making decisions about using a donor or surrogate in Australia or overseas, Kate has a litmus test that she suggests people apply: When I talk to my children, can I hold my head up high and say, this is a lovely story to tell them. Is there any part of the story that is awkward to tell?
Kate and I also talked about VARTA's Donor Legacy Project, which aims to provide resources that can assist donors to create and submit information to the Voluntary Register. The Legacy Project is an option to leave a video, or online photobook, for donor-conceived offspring to access at a later date. I love this idea and will be making a video of the DCPs I've helped to create.
VARTA has a wealth of resources, for surrogates, intended parents, donors and donor-conceived people. Check out their website, which is useful for anyone, regardless of which State you live in.
Amber first heard about egg donation before she had her own children, and has now donated to nine families, resulting in 7 children so far. Many of the recipients also needed a surrogate to help them have a family. Amber suffered with terrible sickness on IVF drugs, and still, she persisted.
Amber developed her own criteria and thinking about why she wanted to donate and who she might donate to. This included the importance of the donor-conceived person having access to information about her, the opportunity for a relationship with her, and the opportunity for them to have a relationship with Amber's two children and other donor siblings.
Paul and Jaryd are intended parents in Queensland, who met their surrogate through the Australian Surrogacy Community. They are embarking on a traditional surrogacy journey.
Danny is one of those unsung heroes in surrogacy - the surrogate's partner. I've already interviewed his lovely wife Emmy and the intended parents Henry and Lisa. Danny is like many partners of surrogates, quietly supporting their partner's goals and not complaining too much when they have to submit to counselling and legal processes, even thought there's not much reward in it for them.
So what is it like to support your partner through a surrogacy pregnancy? Is it possible to become as invested in the process as the surrogate? Do you experience the same sense of reward and satisfaction when the baby arrives?
Danny talks about supporting Emmy in her endeavour, and how he cared for her and their children through the challenges of pregnancy. His perspective is unique, and valuable for anyone considering surrogacy - particularly for surrogates and their partners.
Marnie B spoke to me back in Episode 21, when she was heading into the third trimester of her pregnancy with surro-bub. In our first interview, Marnie talked about all the preparation and relationship-building she and her partner did with their intended parents. Since then, Marnie has delivered a baby girl for the parents, and is now 5 months post-partum. In this interview, she reflects on the last trimester, the birth, and the fourth trimester as a surrogate. Did all her preparation pay off? What were her emotions like post-partum? What's her relationship with the parents and baby Sienna?
We also talked about the importance of having a birth photographer involved for a surrogacy birth, and you can read more about that on my Blog.
She's been described as the guardian angel of altruistic surrogates across Australia. Really, how could I not have her on the Podcast with a commendation like that?
Katrina Hale is a Psychologist and Infertility Counsellor with over 20 years counselling experience. She is passionate about surrogacy and a strong supporter of all walks of the community that wish to create a family through surrogacy or assisted reproduction. She is committed to helping Intending Parents and Surrogates and their partners successfully navigate their surrogacy journey together.
Katrina has been my surrogacy counsellor for 2 years, and the impact of her support has been immeasurable. A conversation with Katrina gives me clarity and piece of mind, and allows me to process the complexity of surrogacy, egg donation and family. Other surrogates say that they feel 'like a huge weight has been lifted off [their] shoulders' when they speak to Katrina. 'She has a great flair for creating metaphors, is a fantastic advocate for surrogates [and] she works tirelessly in the surrogacy community.'
Katrina's Twenty Things to Think About When Choosing Your Surrogacy Relationship is an amazing resource for intended parents and surrogates to consider individually and as a team, in preparing for a positive journey. I'm so privileged to bring you this interview with Katrina, which we hope will be a resource for intended parents and surrogates at all stages of the journey.
When growing her own family, Emmy struggled with gender disappointment and when she finally fell pregnant with a baby girl, she promised herself that she would repay the universe somehow. She tried seeking friends and family who might need a surrogate, but in the end she joined The Australian Surrogacy Community and found local intended parents Henry and Lisa.
Emmy talks about what attracted her to Henry and Lisa and her experience being their surrogate. Emmy birthed baby Harry for his parents in 2018.
Emmy's advice for anyone entering the surrogacy world: Get educated. Get active. And be proactive.
"I wanted to do something big in life..."
So decided Anna, a South Australian teacher and mother of two, as she launched herself into the world of egg donation and surrogacy. In this episode, we talked about the legacy we leave our children, and Anna's journey finding and meeting intended parents and offering to be their surrogate. But like all these things, it didn't all go smoothly and Anna and her first intended parents parted ways. And whilst they remain friends, Anna was shattered by the break-up. Anna eventually started 'dating' new intended parents, and they are now part-way through their journey.
You may be wondering why Anna is dressed as Wonder Woman in the photo. Good question. If you look closely, you'll see that her costume is made with the packets from IVF medication, which she kept from her egg donation cycles!
Anna also works with Surrogacy Australia's Support Service and is known within the surrogacy community for her data collection and stats analysis! If you are interested in Anna's thoughts on finding a surrogate in Australia, you should listen to Episode 20. You might also like to check out The Five Love Languages, which many surrogacy teams consider when building their relationship.
Rebecca is an intended parent, having come to surrogacy after the birth of her second child. Rebecca found her surrogate in her good friend Katy, after she posted about her journey on Facebook to update family and friends about their situation.
Renee shares her second surrogacy journey with us, with different intended parents. Renee and her partner approached the journey with the benefit of their first experience, but they were met with many challenges along the way. Their friendship with their intended parents is strong, but as you'll hear, surrogacy is about so much more than just having a baby.
In this episode, Sarah chats about the current Review in the Assisted Reproductive Treatment Act in Victoria. Submissions are open now, and close on 21 September. If you have experienced infertility or IVF treatment in Victoria, now is your time to make a submission. You can go to www.engage.vic.gov.au and find the ART Review, where you can answer the survey or write your own submission. If you are interested in more information, or want to know more about Surrogacy Australia's submission, contact Sarah at sarah@sarahjefford.com
Rebecca is a Darwin woman who would like to be a surrogate - but, as she's discovered, the NT doesn't have any surrogacy laws. This means it's virtually impossible for surrogates or intended parents to have a baby in the NT, which forces intended parents to move interstate or go overseas. Rebecca is campaigning for surrogacy laws to be introduced in the NT, and you can help her by getting behind the campaign, signing the petition and liking her page NT Surrogacy Advocacy Group.
Renee tells us the story of her first surrogacy journey, including the ups and downs that eventually resulted in the birth of Ethan for his intended parents. This is Part 1 of Renee's story - stay tuned for Part 2 in a few weeks!
Gareth became a father through surrogacy in January 2018, with the birth of his son Rixon. Gareth's surrogate was Jess, who was a great friend of Gareth's wife, Bec. Sadly, Bec passed away during the pregnancy due to complications arising from cystic fibrosis. This is a beautiful and tragic story of Gareth and Bec's story of becoming parents, and of Bec's legacy.
This is Part 3 of a 3-part episode with Rachel. In Part 3, we hear about Rachel's final surrogacy pregnancy, with baby Matilda, for her parents Marian and David.
Ben and his partner Terry live in Queensland, and earlier this year they became dads when their surrogate, Kath, gave birth to baby Ivy. Kath lives in Victoria, and despite the distance between them, this team had a really positive experience and have built a strong and lovely relationship between their two families.
This is part 2 of a 3-part interview with Rachel. In this episode, Rachel talks about finding her final intended parents, Marian and David, and their journey to the birth of baby Hugo. Unfortunately, Hugo was diagnosed late in the pregnancy with a genetic condition, and he passed away a few days after his birth. This is a truly moving, heart-wrenching and special story of how four people came together and created a family, and survived the saddest of surrogacy outcomes.
This is Part 1 in a 3-part episode with Rachel, a surrogate who has delivered 5 babies for their intended parents. In this episode, Rachel tells her story of starting as an egg donor, and then as a traditional surrogate. There were many bumps in the road, but Rachel's tenacity and strength are inspiring.
Steve is a father through surrogacy, and he and his wife Jen welcomed baby Holly in 2016. I interviewed Steve and Jen's surrogate, Bec, earlier in the podcast. Steve reflects on his journey as an intended father, and managing the challenges of infertility, and surrogacy, particularly with an interstate surrogate.
Marnie B is a gestational surrogate for interstate intended parents. Marnie and her team did a mammoth amount of research and preparation prior to proceeding with the arrangement, and the preparation is paying off. If you are thinking about becoming a surrogate, I recommend listening to Marnie's interview and taking note of all her amazing wisdom.
Charmaine was a gestational surrogate and birthed James for his parents in 2017. Not everything was sunshine and rainbows, and Charmaine has a lot of wisdom for other intended parents and surrogates.
Amanda was a traditional surrogate for her friends Dhusk and Tim, and gave birth to Sailor earlier this year. Traditional surrogacy, where a surrogate uses her own egg, is less common than gestational surrogacy, and can be a different dynamic and journey.
Sara is a Canadian gestational surrogate for Australian intended parents. She gave birth to baby Logan in January, and recently traveled to Australia and spent time with Logan and his parents. She also attend the Australian Surrogacy Conference and supported the Australian Surrogacy Sisterhood Day in Sydney.
Brett and Stuart conceived baby Findlay with the help of a surrogacy in Canada. But things did not go to plan, and Findlay had to arrive at 25 weeks, due to his surrogate suffering with pre-eclampsia. As a result, Brett and Stuart up-ended their lives in Sydney, and lived in Canada for more than 5 months, until Findlay was big and strong enough to travel home to Australia.
Sarah sat down and chatted with Sheridon Byrne, a Melbourne-based Doula, to talk about Sarah's surrogacy journey. Sheridon provides Doula services to the queer community, and we talked about how surrogacy can be an option to grow a family.
Henry & Lisa are well-known in the surrogacy community, both for their support of other intended parents and surrogates, but also for their senses of humour. In this episode, we chat about the upcoming birth of their baby, conceived through egg donation and surrogacy, and how they've traversed the infertility terrain.
Marnie is a cancer survivor and is now considering surrogacy as an option to grow her family. Marnie has some great insights for people considering surrogacy and leaning on the friendships you can build in the community.
Hillary survived cancer as a single mother, and when she met her prince charming years later, they decided to grow their family through surrogacy.
I am always inspired and humbled when I hear stories from women who have often gone through infertility, loss or survived cancer before turning to surrogacy. Hillary went through so much, and her tenacity and strength is amazing.
Mike and Glenn pursued surrogacy overseas, but after hitting roadblocks and ultimately not having any success, they turned to Australian surrogacy - and are now eagerly awaiting the birth of their daughter, with the help of egg donor Cass, and their surrogate Kate.
You will hear Mike and Glenn mention a few things in this episode, which might pique your interest: You can find the Australian Surrogacy Community and Egg Donation Australia on Facebook. You can also find Shannon Garner's book about Australian surrogacy, Labour of Love, in all good bookstores and online.
Phillipa survived cervical cancer, and managed to create eggs from grafted ovarian tissue, and embryos with donated sperm. She's now eagerly awaiting the birth of her baby with the help of a surrogate living on the other side of Australia. As if that's not enough, Phillipa is inducing lactation so she can breastfeed her baby. Phillipa is an inspiration and has such an amazing story to tell
Hayley is a gestational surrogate, and she and her intended parents all live in WA. Not everything went smoothly in Hayley's surrogacy journey, and particularly during the last trimester. Hayley has some great advice for anyone exploring surrogacy and for how to make sure you have a positive experience.
Hayley volunteers with Surrogacy Australia and organises regular surrogacy catch-ups in WA. If you are interested in finding out more, join the Australian Surrogacy Community on Facebook and go to familiesthrusurrogacy.com
This is Part 2 of my interview with Carla. Carla talked about her journey as an egg donor in Part 1; in Part 2 she tells us how she leaped from egg donation into surrogacy.
This is a 2-part episode with Carla, an egg donor and a traditional surrogate. Carla has donated her eggs to 8 couples! In this episode we explore her egg donations and her reasons for donating, and hear all about her relationships with her donor babies and their parents. If you are interested in egg donation, join the Egg Donation Australia group on Facebook.
This is Part 2 of my interview with Felicity. Felicity is a parent through surrogacy in the US after suffering infertility and loss. Make sure to listen to Part 1 first!
This is Part 1 of my interview with Felicity, a parent through surrogacy. Felicity and her partner suffered with infertility, miscarriage and the loss of her baby daughter Lily, before eventually having a child through surrogacy in the US.
In this episode you'll hear from the sensational Rhiannon, who was a gestational surrogate for her brother and his partner not once, but twice - and is planning on doing it again!
Listen now to hear how Rhiannon took her Aunty duties to a whole new level, all the while single parenting her own three kids and with the support of her interstate intended parents.
In this episode, I speak with Bec. Bec was a gestational surrogate and gave birth to Holly in 2016, for an interstate couple. Bec speaks with candour and humour about her journey and has lots of insights for intended parents and surrogates alike.
In this episode of The Australian Surrogacy Podcast, I interviewed my husband, Troy, about his experience as the partner of a surrogate. I was often asked what Troy thought of me being a surrogate, so this week I thought it would be good to hear from Troy himself.
In this episode, I had the pleasure of interviewing my intended parents, Mike and Nate, about their surrogacy journey and becoming dads to baby Darcey.
Mike and Nate started talking about having children on their second date, and they considered a few different options before committing to surrogacy in Australia. It was another 5 years before they welcomed Darcey, and you'll hear about what they went through to become dads.
I might be a bit biased, but I think they're pretty special and it was lovely chatting with them and reflecting on our journey together.
In this first episode of The Australian Surrogacy Podcast, you'll hear from me, Sarah Jefford, and about why I decided to make a surrogacy podcast.
I am a surrogate and a surrogacy lawyer living in Melbourne with my family. In 2015 I decided to become a surrogate, and in January 2018 I gave birth to a baby girl, Darcey, for her two dads Mike and Nate.
You'll hear all about my journey to becoming a surrogate, as well as about me as a surrogacy lawyer.