Down To Earth with the Burucharas: Recent Episodes
David & Callie Buruchara
Welcome to Down To Earth with the Burucharas, hosted by Callie and David Buruchara. We believe it's possible to pursue high ideals for a relationship while still keeping it down to earth. Join us and featured guests as we explore how to build beautiful, intentional, and fulfilling relationships amidst the everyday highs and lows. We keep it faith-based, real, and practical. New episodes every Friday. Listen anywhere you get your podcasts, and please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it!
In the final episode of season 4, Callie and David talk with Jeremy and Ilana from mybestsociallife.com. Whether you are on the spectrum, consider yourself neurodivergent, or know someone who is, this episode is for you! We talk about:
- Jeremy and Illana's career transitions from law and special-ed to helping people on the spectrum find community, make friends, start dating, and find love
- How Jeremy became the "Hitch" for people on the autism spectrum, as mentioned in The Atlantic
- Why dating is so difficult for neurodivergent people and how to get help
- Along with lessons we can all learn from the neurodivergent community (and their parents) about succeeding in relationships.
Jeremy and Ilana Hamburgh are friendship and dating coaches who empower autistic and neurodivergent adults to find community, make friends, start dating, and find love. Ilana has over 16 years of experience as a special education teacher in New York City and is now the Director of Education for My Best Social Life. Jeremy has over 13 years of experience coaching autistic adults into the social lives they want and deserve.
Their flagship program is called Social Life 360, and it's like nothing else in the autism and neurodivergent world: It combines a warm and inclusive community, private and group coaching, and confidence and social skills building that uses formulas, diagrams, and step-by-step processes which allow a differently wired brain to observe, understand, and engage with the social world.
Jeremy and Ilana offer a no-cost 90-minute Strategy Session to every family whose autistic or neurodivergent adult wants to have a more fulfilling social life, and they love giving families incredible clarity on the path from loneliness to a more connected life. Jeremy and Ilana do all of this with a deep commitment to kindness, compassion and world-class support. You can learn more about Jeremy, Ilana, and the Social Life 360 Strategy at MyBestSocialLife.com and you can contact them about scheduling your family's Strategy Session at Jeremy@MyBestSocialLife.com or Ilana@MyBestSocialLife.com.
We're eager to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Got any questions, topic suggestions, or just want to get in touch?
We'd love to hear from you via this quick feedback form: https://tally.so/r/w4Jkgr
In today's episode, Callie and David answer some of your burning questions about navigating adult relationships with parents. Thanks to all of you who took the time to submit questions that include:
- dealing with your in-law's problematic behavior
- how to relate to and honor step-parents
- dealing with an abusive step-parent from another culture
- attending therapy to address issues with your parents
- and more!
We're eager to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Got any questions, topic suggestions, or just want to get in touch?
We'd love to hear from you via this quick feedback form: https://tally.so/r/w4Jkgr
This week, we address a topic often avoided but inevitably encountered—the loss of our parents and navigating the associated grief. This episode features a heartfelt conversation with David's cousin, Miriam, reflecting on the memories and lessons from her grief journey following her father's passing in 2020. Join us as we delve into various approaches to grief, the unique impact of a parent's loss, surprising effects of grief, and more.
Learn more about Miriam's professional journey here and follow her on Instagram at @mircyat
We're eager to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Got any questions, topic suggestions, or just want to get in touch?
We'd love to hear from you via this quick feedback form: https://tally.so/r/w4Jkgr
In this week's episode, Callie and David open up about their respective relationships with their in-laws, discussing the joys and the risks that in-law relationships can bring. They also share 4 key rules for successfully relating with your in-laws. Join in on the conversation as we unravel the art of balancing love, boundaries, and understanding in the world of in-law relationships.
Submit your questions for this season's Q&A episode here: Season 4 Q&A Submission Form
We're eager to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Got any questions, topic suggestions, or just want to get in touch?
We'd love to hear from you via this quick feedback form: https://tally.so/r/w4Jkgr
In this episode, we are honored to introduce Ann Marie Smith, a parent of adult children who shares her insights drawn from decades of parenting and her coaching program, Parent Possible. Ann Marie's perspective revolves around the notion that "childhood is fleeting, but being a parent is forever." She emphasizes the mutual benefits that adulthood can bring to both parents and their adult children. Join us as we explore how the dynamics of parent-child relationships evolve into adulthood, and we engage in a practical discussion about the expectations and responsibilities that adult children have towards their parents and vice versa.
***Ann Marie is an experienced Leadership and Project Consultant, Development Practitioner, Parent Educator, Coach and Speaker with a deep commitment to providing individuals, teams and families with the tools and resources needed to achieve breakthrough outcomes. She has shared and continues to share her experiences and expertise with public, private, and nongovernmental organisations in Jamaica, and all over the world.
Prior to becoming an Independent Leadership and Project Consultant, Ann Marie worked with the Government of Jamaica for 28 years, leading and managing learning and development for public servants and providing policy advice to senior levels of government in Jamaica and across the Caribbean region on public service learning and leadership development.
She is the founder and Executive Director of:
Parent Possible: Parent education and coaching organisation focused on equipping parents to succeed in their roles and transforming families one conversation at a time.* Go Beyond Leadership – Her leadership development and coaching brand through which she works with individuals and teams to go beyond their current vision and create impact that matters.* Gosnel’s Delight - A vegan ice cream brand named for her father, with the tagline “sweet responsibly”* *She is also a founding member of the Global Initiative for Fertility and Family Transformation (GIFFT), an NGO currently operating in five countries (Zimbabwe, Jamaica, Kenya, Uganda and South Africa) promoting healthy family dynamics and contributing to more equitable, just and sustainable communities.
Ann-Marie is currently pursuing doctoral studies with a focus on parenting and family studies.
Her proudest accomplishments are her two young adult children, Sacha-Rose and Walter.
Find Ann Marie here:**https://www.linkedin.com/in/annmariesmithleadership66*https://www.go-beyondleadership.comhttps://www.facebook.com/parentpossibleja
We're eager to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Got any questions, topic suggestions, or just want to get in touch?
We'd love to hear from you via this quick feedback form: https://tally.so/r/w4Jkgr
In last week’s episode, we explored the signs and effects of emotional immaturity in parents. Today, we dive into practical ways of navigating these complex dynamics as an adult with an emotionally immature parent. Tune in as we discuss the following strategies:
- letting go of the fantasy
- how to individuate and process your feelings
- focusing on what you can control
- establishing appropriate boundaries
Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson's book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
We're eager to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Got any questions, topic suggestions, or just want to get in touch?
We'd love to hear from you via this quick feedback form: https://tally.so/r/w4Jkgr
In today's episode, we uncover both the obvious and subtle signs that indicate emotional immaturity in parents, exploring the profound impact it can have on their children's emotional well-being and future relationships. Whether you're a parent seeking to better understand your own behaviors or someone who grew up with emotionally immature parents, this episode will help you identify the 4 types of emotional immaturity that parents tend to fall in. Next week, we'll discuss how to practically navigate these complex dynamics in our relationships.
Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson's book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
We're eager to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Got any questions, topic suggestions, or just want to get in touch?
We'd love to hear from you via this quick feedback form: https://tally.so/r/w4Jkgr
In this episode, we're joined by friend and marriage & family therapist, Candis Braxton. Join us as we explore how the influences of our parents/caregivers echo within us long into adulthood. Learn how to identify and confront these internalized voices, appreciate the gifts and gaps that we've received from our parents, and how to build healthier relationships with our parents in the present.
Candis Braxton is a Licensed Marriage and Family Associate Therapist (LMFT-A) in North Carolina, providing virtual therapy statewide. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families dealing with various issues, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, and life transitions. Candis also offers a spiritually connected and Bible-centered therapeutic experience upon request, drawing from narrative, emotion-focused, and structural therapies, along with EMDR for unresolved childhood traumas. Candis lives in Fayetteville, North Carolina along with her husband, Sebastien, and 4 wonderful children.
If you're interested in receiving therapy/counseling from Candis check out the links below:
North Carolina residents: https://accrescentnc.com/ Rest of the US/International: https://www.patreon.com/fiatluxnc
We're eager to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Got any questions, topic suggestions, or just want to get in touch?
Share your insights through this quick feedback form: https://tally.so/r/w4Jkgr
Welcome back! In our last episode, we dove into what it means to honor our parents as adults. Today, we're stepping into the next part of our conversation: forgiving our parents. What does forgiveness have to do with honoring? Is forgiveness as simple as "forgive and forget" or is there more to it? And how do we forgive that which we may have not yet named? Why is it especially hard to do so with our parents? Let's talk.
We're eager to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Got any questions, topic suggestions, or just want to get in touch?
Share your insights through this quick feedback form: https://tally.so/r/w4Jkgr
Welcome back to Season 4 of the podcast! The DTE listener community has spoken - we're diving headfirst into the complexities of Adult Relationships with Parents.
In this season's opener, we begin to unravel what it means to honor our parents. How do we honor our parents as adults? What happens when our parents seem to deserve honor at all? What then? And how does our mental health and personal individuality fit into the picture? Tune in for the first part of the conversation.
We're eager to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Got any questions, topic suggestions, or just want to get in touch?
Share your insights through this quick feedback form: https://tally.so/r/w4Jkgr
Callie and David are back for Season 4! Listen in to find out what relationship topic we'll be exploring this season!
In this episode, Joy Ofodu, comedy creator and host of the Dating Unsettled podcast, shares her personal dating journey and how she approached online dating with a specific strategy. She talks about the ups and downs of her dating experiences and the valuable lessons she learned along the way. Eventually, she found her bae and shares the story of how they met. Joy also introduces the concept of "hardballing" and explains how it can be a useful tool in dating. Tune in to hear Joy's insightful and entertaining take on modern dating, as well as her spot-on Obama impression.
As a celebrated voice actor and Creative Executive, Joy Ofodu has drawn over 30M views to her original digital comedy content and countless more to inclusion-centered, global marketing campaigns at Instagram. Under her self-titled media company, she has grown a highly-engaged community of more than 200,000 online daters and meditators in just two years. Joy is the host of Dating Unsettled, an audio show designed to validate women daters, available now on all podcast platforms. Joy’s voice can be heard in her partnerships with HBO Max, Adult Swim, The Daily Shine, Skybound Entertainment, Meta, Credit Karma, Netflix, DIRECTV, Upenndo! and more.
Share your questions for our upcoming Dating Q&A + vote for the season 4 theme: www.bit.ly/dte-survey
In today's episode, Callie and David answer some of your burning questions about dating. Thanks to all of you who took the time to submit questions; here are the questions tackled in order:
- (04:07) Should I still date someone I don’t find attractive?
- (09:23) On paper, they’re perfect, but there's no chemistry. What do I do?
- (14:14) When should I bring up my past relationships?
- (22:08) We agreed to meet but haven’t heard from him. Should I let it go?
- (28:20) How quickly do you bring up things that you don't like?
- (44:03) Is there ever a right time to date?
- (49:05) Is group dating a good idea?
- (55:16) How do I know if I’m genuinely attracted?
- (1:02:42) My relationship is great thus far, but the future is uncertain. Should we go forward?
- (1:09:59) Is it safe to remain friends with someone who's rejected me?
Share your questions for our upcoming Dating Q&A + vote for the season 4 theme: www.bit.ly/dte-survey
In this episode, Callie & David explore the important but often awkward "defining the relationship" conversation when dating. The DTR conversation can be the crucial difference between intentionally moving forward in a relationship or letting circumstances and faulty assumptions shape your dating experience. Join us as we dive into:
- When to have the DTR talk and how to initiate it
- Common fears and misconceptions about DTR
- Tips for handling the conversation with grace and honesty
- Dealing with rejection
In this episode, Callie & David talk about conversations to have on dates that can drastically improve your dating experience. They share tips for less awkward interactions and more natural, fun, & meaningful discussions. They also provide helpful tools w/ examples for assessing whether it’s worth going on a 2nd or 3rd date. Join us as we explore:
- Transitioning from small talk to deep talk
- Conversation topics on a date
- Disclaimers vs. explanations
- Leading with vulnerability & clarity
- Jay Shetty’s 3-Date Rule
- Logan Ury’s Post-Date Eight
- ...and more!
In this special episode, Callie has a conversation with her best friend Emely Umaña. As they reminisce about their 15-year friendship, Emely opens up about her personal journey with singleness and dating. With grace and wisdom, Emely reflects on how her attitude and approach to dating has evolved over time, and shares valuable insights for anyone navigating their dating journey.
In this episode, Callie and David share tips and insights on how to meet potential partners within and beyond your current circles. They discuss different places and spaces where many couples first meet but most significantly, they emphasize the importance of approaching dating with a mindset that prioritizes reasonable efforts over immediate results.
Attachment theory suggests that the quality of our early relationships with caregivers - how we received love - shapes our attachment style, influencing how we form and maintain relationships throughout our lives. In this episode, Callie and David delve into how our frustrating patterns in dating are often related to our attachment styles. They explore how we can better understand ourselves, relate with others, and build more secure dating dynamics.
In our first guest episode of season 3, we're joined by globetrotter Jasper Iturriaga. Jasper is known by many for his amazing storytelling about his journies all around the world but in this episode, we zoom in and take a closer look at the man behind the camera to learn about his romantic life. Jasper is both wise and hilarious, honest and hopeful as he shares valuable lessons we can all appreciate that his travels have taught him about singleness and dating.
Jasper is a photographer and a filmmaker. He has fit almost all his possessions in a backpack and suitcase to travel across 50 countries around the world (on a Philippine passport!), telling people’s stories and discovering life through different perspectives.
His passion for telling stories brought him to the jungles of Palawan. Seeing the realities on the ground, he rallied social media to be a force for good—raising over $100k to help build 2 jungle schools and to support medical and dental clinics in the remotest parts of the island.
He is currently working as a film maker and field coordinator for Child Impact International, an organization focused on rescuing and helping provide education to vulnerable kids around the world.
Is it helpful to have a "type" when we date? Or should our tastes be more flexible when finding love?
In this episode, David and Callie talk about what their types were before they met, exploring:
- the 3Ps that influence our type
- why it's important to question your type
- how our type is often not actually our type
- and how to differentiate between values and type in dating
Welcome back to season 3! In this first episode, Callie and David talk about the 3 dating tendencies: a helpful framework that highlights three common blind spots most people have in their dating lives. Taken from Logan Ury's book, How To Not Die Alone, finding out your tendency can help you understand the struggles you face in your dating journey along with strategies to help you overcome them.
Find out your dating tendency at: https://loganury.com/quiz
In this 100th and final episode of season 2, Callie takes over and switches things up for a change. Also, tune in for to learn more about our newsletter launching next week!
Sign up for our newsletter launching Oct 14 at theburucharas.com!
In this episode, we're joined by Krystin Henley, LMFT, to learn about sexual betrayal: its trauma and recovery. We begin by unpacking what constitutes betrayal in a relationship and dive into Krystin's own story of broken trust and healing. We learn about the Intimacy Pyramid as an essential tool for building intimacy after broken trust, what to do while dating to prevent sexual betrayal in a future marriage, and more!
Intimacy Pyramid diagram: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1he1FfZ1Bz4Mk2aZUSjqeuPjCDcu08wC5/view?usp=sharing
Find more resources on betrayal trauma recovery support on Krystin's website: https://www.nurturingcharacters.com/btr-2
Follow Krystin on Instagram: @nurturingcharacters
Krystin Henley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist trained in Cognitive Behavior Therapy. She has a passion for teaching others about emotional intelligence through her ministry Nurturing Characters. Krystin has recently been APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialist) trained and is a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist-Candidate. She and her husband are blessed with four children and enjoy traveling, gardening, and exploring their Pacific Northwest backyard.
On Sunday morning February 23rd, 2020, David and Callie, then a freshly married couple, embarked on what they thought would be a pleasant 2-3 hour hike up the Platteklip Gorge trail of Table Mountain in Cape Town, South Africa. Little did they know, a day-long adventure was awaiting them...this is the story.
In this episode, Seth Day joins us to discuss his and Heather Thompson Day's upcoming book, "I'll See You Tomorrow: Building Relational Resilience When You Want to Quit". We explore Seth's inspiration behind the book that started 17 years ago after his brother's passing, his subsequent grief, and journey to healing. Woven into Seth's story is the beautiful truth that we can still find possibility when the ideals of a relationship are no longer on the table.
Pre-order "I'll See You Tomorrow" on Amazon.
**Seth Day is currently a full-time instructor teaching courses in Public Speaking for Andrews University and a course in Issues in Grieving and Loss for AdventHealth University. Seth has a MA in Human Service Counseling from Regent University, and is currently pursuing a second MA in Educational Psychology from Andrews University.
Seth is passionate about youth and young adult ministry, having served as a youth and young adult pastor in Denver, Colorado and working for several years in public schools with at-risk youth.
Follow Seth on Instagram: @originalsadking**
Today's episode is inspired by a conversation Callie recently had with a friend and regular listener of the podcast. As they chatted, she shared, " I love your podcast and your relationship. But sometimes it just feels...unattainable." In this episode, David and Callie clarify how far from perfect their relationship is and share five attainable steps they've taken over the past 7 years, with much much grace, to grow their relationship to where it is today.
In our monthly relationship Q&A episodes, we gather and discuss questions directly from YOU! We invite you to come along as we relate our shared experiences and discover helpful principles for healthier relationships.
Topics covered in this episode:
- 4:49 - Staying at your partner's parent's house while dating, is it right?
- 13:55 - Can the end of infatuation signal the end of a relationship?
- 20:17 - I'm in love with a married man. What do I do?
- 36:42 - Are men affected by women being the breadwinner?
- 42:28 - My spouse won't listen to me about our communication issues
- 48:54 - When to talk specifics about money when dating
In this final episode in our mentorship series, David sits down with Audrey Bolo, a friend and certified professional career coach to learn about:
- her colorful career journey
- how to navigate a drastic career shift
- what do when you don't land your dream job
- what career coaching actually looks like
- how to navigate pursuing our purpose and passions, all while paying the bills.
***Audrey Bolo is the face behind Your Truth Coach, helping professionals seek their own balance, clarity, and purpose as they make big, bold decisions. Audrey also leads a global talent management team and has worked in several industries and roles across several countries, including South Africa, Hong Kong, and Kenya. She's a working mama chasing her dreams 1 truth at a time while embracing marriage and motherhood with the sense of humor and grateful heart that they deserve.
If you're interested in working with Audrey, learn more at https://www.yourtruth.coach/ and follow her on:
Instagram: @yourtruthcoach
LinkedIn: Audrey Kusambiza Bolo***
In this episode, we continue our miniseries on mentorship with Sebastien Braxton. Sebastien draws from over 100,000 hours of mentorship experience to share 1) the qualities to look for in a prospective mentor, 2) how to effectively ask someone to be your mentor, and 3) much more!
Sebastien J. Braxton is the CEO of Fiat Lux, a Christian mentorship and creative agency, and The New Life Challenge, a corporate wellness start-up. He is also a member of the InVerse team, a young adult bible study program on Hope Channel. He resides in North Carolina with his wife Candis and their four children.
In this episode, we begin a short miniseries on mentorship with the help of three-time guest Sebastien Braxton. Sebastien draws on his mentorship experiences over the years, showing how a successful mentorship starts with the right motives and a teachable attitude.
Sebastien J. Braxton is the CEO of Fiat Lux, a Christian mentorship and creative agency, and The New Life Challenge, a corporate wellness start-up. He is also a member of the InVerse team, a young adult bible study program on Hope Channel. He resides in North Carolina with his wife Candis and their four children.
In today's episode, we explore the often difficult decision of picking up one's familiar life and moving to a new city, country or even continent for the sake of love. Some call this foolish. Others say it's the sweetest gesture of affection. We say it depends. Join us as we share our experiences moving for love and some key factors worth considering when facing such a decision in your life and relationships.
In this episode, we launch our discussion with a friendship question we've received regularly: what do I do when my friend hardly ever initiates contact? Essentially, what do we do when a friend is not meeting our expectations of the friendship? Join us as we unpack this question and explore different friendship communication styles, how to evaluate the strength of a friendship and when to reconsider a friendship.
In this episode, Callie and David tackle four dating questions submitted on Instagram recently by listeners! Here are the questions:
00:00 - How can you tell a guy likes you?
12:25 - What does it mean to let a man pursue you, and is it even a legitimate principle to follow?30:26 - What to do when you are attracted to more than one person?
41:20 - I've given them a chance, but I'm just not attracted to them. What do I do?
Follow @davidburuchara on Instagram to keep posted on upcoming polls to submit your questions/requests for future episodes!
80% of couples that live together disagree and stress about household chores. But these disagreements often say more about the relationship than the monotonous tasks being argued about! Whether you're in a romantic relationship or not, understanding how to navigate chores with the people you live with is an essential skill for a happier life. Join Callie and David as they share their chore war history and how they're learning to love each other through it.
In this episode, David and Callie discuss maintaining the delicate and beautiful balance of interdependence in relationships. On one side of the spectrum is independence, where too much of it means you don't have a relationship. The other side is codependence, where you can't tell the difference between two individuals because they are so enmeshed. We each tend to lean towards one side, but by first understanding where we lie, we can purpose to grow towards a healthy interdependence.
In this episode, we move the opposite end of the spectrum from love bombing to focus on breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbing is a type of manipulation where one person keeps another's interest and devotion alive by feeding them the smallest possible bits of attention, often in an inconsistent manner. We discuss a key difference between breadcrumbing and misaligned expectations, then dive into how to spot breadcrumbing in its various forms, and how to stop the behavior in its tracks!
In this episode, we explore how crucial giving feedback and receiving feedback is as an interpersonal skill for closer relationships. It can be really uncomfortable to give/receive feedback and to grow in this area with loved ones. But it is possible! Feedback is not only a window into how others perceive us that might reveal much about ourselves, both positive and constructive. It is also a portal to building more intimate relationships. Step in with us!
In this shorter episode, reacting to a comment from a New York Times article, Callie and David share their thoughts on what "work" means in a relationship. Should a relationship require work? How much work and what kind of work? Is there a danger in idolizing "work" and hardship/suffering in relationships?
In this episode, we discuss love bombing, a type of manipulation where someone “bombs” you with extreme displays of attention and affection in order to selfishly gain from it. It can happen early on in dating relationships but also in long-term abusive ones. We discuss how this is a key method used by narcissists and conmen, like the Tinder Swindler, but also discover more common yet subtle unintentional forms of love bombing in our relationships. Join us to learn what love bombing is, how to spot it, how to stop it, and how to recover from it. This is Love Bombing 101.
Is it ever okay to agree to disagree? Does doing so ever bring people closer together or only ever push them further apart? While there's much to say about this topic in our polarized society, in this episode, David and Callie open up about conflicts in their relationship where agreeing to disagree has gone both well and not so well. The Gottman Institute reports that 69% of conflict is unresolvable, meaning successful relationships are where people learn how to navigate instead of avoiding these conflicts. Join us as we dive into the details!
Join Callie and David for the 2nd part of this short series on attachment theory, exploring how attachment explains our unique patterns for seeking and avoiding connection. David and Callie have been reading through "How We Love" by Milan & Kay Yerkovich, a highly recommended resource to learn about your attachment (love) style and how to improve the quality of your relationships. In this episode, they reflect on their individual styles and how it has impacted their relationship. We hope this discussion inspires you to grab a copy - if you haven't already - and explore your attachment style on a deeper level!
Check out these helpful resources on attachment theory:
How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich
Wired for Dating by Stan Tatkin
Created for Connection by Sue Johnson
In this episode, we're joined by Dr. Torben Bergland as he introduces us to the wonder that is attachment theory and why it's so important to understand in all our important relationships. We talk about why attachment theory differs from other common personality type tests, what it's so crucial to understanding both our own and loved ones' attachment styles for the health of our relationships, what each of the 4 attachment styles is, and how attachment theory impacts our spirituality.
Check out these helpful books/resources Dr. Torben recommends on attachment theory:
How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich
Wired for Dating by Stan Tatkin
Created for Connection by Sue Johnson
Dr. Torben Bergland is based in Silver Spring, Maryland and is originally from Norway. As a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, he has taken a special interest in working with patients with depression, anxiety, and personality disorders, as well as integrating relational, religious and existential perspectives in psychotherapy. He serves as the Associate Directors of the Health Ministries Department of the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists, the global headquarter of the Seventh-day Adventist Church. with a special focus on mental health, and health and wellbeing of church workers.
In this episode, Heather Thompson Day fulfills her promise, returning to celebrate two answered prayers that she and David spoke about in her first guest appearance (Episode 52). Join Heather and David as they share their testimonies and touch on a range of different topics such as journaling, self-care, the enneagram, impostor syndrome, and her upcoming book "I'll See You Tomorrow".
Dr. Heather Thompson Day is an associate professor of communication at Andrews University, with a gift of inspiring young people through her speaking and writing. She's an author of 7 books including It’s Not Your Turn, and Confessions of a Christian Wife. She's also the host of the Viral Jesus podcast and runs an online community called I’m That Wife which has over 200k followers. Heather resides in Michigan, with her husband, Seth Day, and their three children, London, Hudson, and Sawyer Day.
Follow Heather on
Instagram: @heatherthompsonday
Her website: heatherthompsonday.com
What does perfectionism mean to you? And what does perfectionistic thinking look like in your day-to-day life? Is it healthy or is there a better way? In this week's episode, Callie and David talk about perfectionism in their lives and explore a more healthy method to grow and mature in excellence. This discussion applies to all parts of life, including relationships.
In this episode, we conclude our 3-part series on Sexual Trauma with special guest, Dr. Karen Abdool. The courage to confront the difficult and dark parts of our stories comes from the God-given reality that they need not define our present and future. Dr. Karen begins by sharing the various effects of sexual trauma on women and men that often go unnoticed, then goes on to share about her personal journey of healing and recovery, along with how she was able to reconcile God's love for her after decades of doubt. The discussion ends by highlighting that sex is beautiful and that sex is from God.
Dr. Karen Abdool, MD, Ph.D., is a psychiatrist and founder of Berrylium Psychiatric Services***, providing personalized medical care to people suffering from depression, emotional stress, complex trauma, post-traumatic stress, and anxiety. She unites her training in refugee mental health, with her understanding of human physiology and immunology to create a unique philosophy of healthcare.
Check out our Mental Health book list for a couple of books related to sexual trauma & recovery!***
[Trigger Warning: sexual abuse, harm, & violence].
In this episode, we continue our 3-part series on Sexual Trauma with special guest, Dr. Karen Abdool. where we explore her story of trauma and healing. Join us as we expand our understanding of what constitutes sexual abuse and talk about some common complexities that lead to survivors discounting abuse such as experiencing arousal/pleasure or "freezing" during assault, as opposed to flight (resisting an abuser)
00:00 - Defining sexual abuse
14:04 - Expanding our understanding of sexual abuse
20:30 - Arousal during sexual abuse
35:42 - Date rape and Dr. Karen’s 2nd assault
Dr. Karen Abdool, MD, Ph.D., is a psychiatrist and founder of Berrylium Psychiatric Services***, providing personalized medical care to people suffering from depression, emotional stress, complex trauma, post-traumatic stress, and anxiety. She unites her training in refugee mental health, with her understanding of human physiology and immunology to create a unique philosophy of healthcare.
Check out our Mental Health book list for a couple of books related to sexual trauma & recovery!***
[Trigger Warning: sexual abuse, harm, & violence].
This week marks the beginning of a new 3-part series on Sexual Trauma with special guest, Dr. Karen Abdool, where we explore her story of trauma and healing. In this first episode, Dr. Karen's introduces us to her childhood, describing the context and experiences that shaped her sexual education. She also courageously recounts the events and aftermath of her first sexual assault. Join us as we begin to confront the awfulness that is sexual abuse and why it can be so difficult, especially for children, to speak up about such experiences.
00:00 - Intro to Sexual Trauma series
05:37 - Dr. Karen's intro
10:09 - Understanding resilience
17:22 - Dr. Karen's childhood & sex education
32:19 - Dr. Karen's first sexual assault [TW]
37:47 - The challenges of speaking up about sexual assault [TW]
49:28 - Closing thoughts
Dr. Karen Abdool, MD, Ph.D., is a psychiatrist who founded Berrylium Psychiatric Services***, providing personalized medical care to people suffering from depression, emotional stress, complex trauma, post-traumatic stress, and anxiety. She unites her training in refugee mental health, with her understanding of human physiology and immunology to create a unique philosophy of healthcare.
Check out our Mental Health book list for a couple of books related to sexual trauma & recovery!***
In this episode, we're joined by special guest and clinical psychologist, Dr. Ruth Stephen Koilpillai, for the final episode of our 3-part series discussing therapy/counseling. Join Ruth and David as they talk about Ruth's story, the role & benefits of therapy in helping us thrive from a psychologist's POV, and reconciling therapy & psychology with the Christian faith. It gets deep!
Check out our Mental Health book recommendations here! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dCJxuCG_JHNoMWM5-WZYCR1Z19XuIm2r51PKlMUx9_U/edit?usp=sharing
In this episode, Callie and David continue a 3-part series discussing therapy/counseling. They pick up continuing to discuss common hesitations that arise when considering therapy and also dive into how you can practically go about finding an affordable counselor or therapist in your area.
The 3rd part of the series will be a Q&A with a licensed clinical psychologist, so please pass on your questions, reactions, and thoughts! We want to hear from you, yes you! Submission details are shared at the beginning of this episode.
Check out our Mental Health book recommendations here! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dCJxuCG_JHNoMWM5-WZYCR1Z19XuIm2r51PKlMUx9_U/edit?usp=sharing
In this episode, Callie and David begin a 3-part series discussing therapy/counseling. The idea of therapy and counseling may have a unique meaning for you depending on your culture, religious background, and previous experience with therapy or counseling. As you consider what therapy means to you, you are welcome to the table as David and Callie share their own experiences in today's episode and why they believe everyone should consider therapy. They also share a few essential things to know about the field of therapy/counseling and begin to address common hesitations people have about therapy/counseling.
The 3rd part of the series will be a Q&A with a licensed psychologist, so please pass on your questions, experiences, and thoughts! We want to hear from you, yes you! Submission details are shared at the beginning of this episode.
Check out our Mental Health book recommendations here! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dCJxuCG_JHNoMWM5-WZYCR1Z19XuIm2r51PKlMUx9_U/edit?usp=sharing
In today's episode, Callie & David talk about the necessity of confrontation in friendships. Confrontation is often interpreted as being aggressive or negative, but in reality, confronting an issue is all about facing it in a truthful, mature, and respectful way in order to build a closer relationship. However, sometimes it's not our friends we need to confront first, but ourselves. Join the conversation to learn more about navigating this often difficult part of friendships!
In this episode, Callie and David have a nuanced conversation and share personal experiences about subtle yet common communication patterns that when perpetuated, lead to less connected and intimate friendships. As they address these patterns, they also suggest ways to safely confront our friends about them even though it might bring some discomfort.
One of the keys to securing a fulfilling relationship is leaving the past where it belongs. But how do you know if the past is actually in the past? We might feel that our partner's past, romantic or otherwise, is something that threatens our current relationship and so we keep dwelling on it, often to our detriment. Join Callie and David as they dive into this topic exploring:
- The difference between forgiveness and trust
- How to know if your partner's past is their present
- Common insecurities we have about our partner's past and how to deal with them
In today's episode, we take a break from this season's themes of sex, friendships, and mental health, to talk about the common pressures of a first date that often keep us from going on dates in the first place. We often place so much unnecessary pressure on the initial interaction of a first date such as:
- expecting that the person has to perfectly meet all our criteria before accepting to meet them
- thinking that our first date will inform us if we should marry them or not
- feeling like we need to ensure that we're good enough and never get rejected by everyone we meet
Join Callie and David as they address these pressures along with practical suggestions to make initial interactions more desirable, comfortable, safe, fun, and useful in your dating journey.
Modest is hottest, right? For many, modesty has taught us that our worth is on display and that our value is determined by the length, width, and looseness of our clothing. In this episode, we're joined by Dr. Camden Morgante, exploring the harmful basis and impacts of this belief and how true modesty is much more than how much skin you show. Join us as we discuss:
- the difference between therapy and coaching
- what purity culture recovery looks like
- 5 other toxic cultures related to purity culture
- the harmful impacts of modesty culture
- a healthy biblical model for modesty
- how to navigate modesty in different cultural, professional, and religious settings
Dr. Camden Morgante is a licensed clinical psychologist, adjunct college professor, and therapist in Knoxville, Tennessee. She writes and speaks about Christianity, psychology, and gender equality, and is currently writing a book on the myths of purity culture.
Follow Dr. Camden on:
Instagram @drcamden
Her website: https://drcamden.com/
Studies show that new friendships don't just happen. Believing that friendships happen by luck or circumstance versus believing making friends takes intentionality, evidently impacts your chances of making friends. In this episode, Callie and David explore 4 proven ways to make new friends, while reflecting on examples in their own lives.
If you'd like to dive more into learning about friendship, here are some great friendship experts you can follow:
Dr. Marisa Franco, IG: @drmarisagfranco
Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, IG; @miriamkirmayer
Danielle Bayard Jackson, IG: @daniellebayardjackson
In this episode, we're joined by Andrew Bauman, a licensed mental health counselor, author, and director of the Christian Counseling Center: For Sexual Health & Trauma (CCC) in North Carolina. Drawing on themes from his recent book "The Sexually Healthy Man", join us as we discuss:
- What it means to be sexually healthy
- Understanding sexual objectification and the pornographic style of relating (PSR)
- Looking beyond sexual challenges to the wounds and shame in our stories
- How to grieve and deal compassionately with loved ones navigating sexual struggles
- What authentic healing looks like
- And more!
Founder & Director of the Christian Counseling Center: For Sexual Health & Trauma (CCC), Andrew J. Bauman is a licensed mental health counselor with a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. Andrew is the author of How Not to Be an SS (Becoming a Good and Safe Man), The Sexually Healthy Man, Floating Away, Stumbling Toward Wholeness, The Psychology of Porn, and (with his wife Dr. Christy Bauman) A Brave Lament book and award-winning film.
Follow Andrew's
Instagram: @andrewjbaumanWebsiteBooks*
In today's episode, we're joined by Juliette Sweeney, an author, marriage & sex blogger, and trainee therapist, as we explore the importance of figuring out what unrealized, unexpressed, and unrealistic expectations each of us may have about sex, especially as they relate to our individual experience. Like in previous episodes, we'll uncover some deep-rooted sex myths as well as explore a few tools and mindset shifts to help us have healthier sexual conversations with ourselves and those we love.
Juliette Sweeney is an author, and the founder of both Really Married (reallymarried.co.uk) and Pen Therapy (pentherapy.co.uk). Juliette is also completing her Master's in Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy. As a trainee therapist who currently works with couples and individuals, Juliette aims to focus on helping couples within her own future private practice - specializing in sex therapy. Juliette has a strong passion for sex education from a Christian standpoint and ultimately aims to inspire the conversations that we all desperately need to have, but typically don't know where to begin. Follow Juliette's
Instagram: @reallymarried, @todayincolour, and @pentherapy.co Blog: https://reallymarried.co.uk
Book: Failing In Love: How failed relationships can lead to love at its finest
How do you develop a friendship with your parents as an adult when the primary relationship dynamic in your life has been that of parent-to-child? What about a sibling or cousin that you just don't seem to share any common interests with? Join us in this episode as we zoom in on exploring the fundamentals of building friendships with the unique individuals that we never got to choose yet mean so much to us -- family.
Is defining-the-relationship (DTR) only important in a romantic context? Or can it be advantageous for our friendships too? What if your friend is more accurately defined as an acquaintance or something entirely different?
In today's episode, Callie and David explore this subject exploring the reasons why categorizing our relationships can prove critical for your wellbeing and others, as well as how to understand which category the people in your life fall into.
In this first episode of the new year, we're joined by Chris Trondsen as he so vulnerably opens up to share his story of living with severe OCD for over a decade, recovering from it, and now helping others navigate their mental health as a therapist and advocate for OCD awareness and education. We learn how the quality of our mental health has a direct impact on the quality of our relationships and why conversations like these need to be had for everyone's benefit. If you might have a mental health disorder or know a loved one struggling with mental health, this podcast is an informative, inspiring, and reassuring stop on the journey to healing and recovery.
Chris Trondsen, M.S., AMFT, APCC is an OCD and anxiety disorders specialist, as well as a facilitator of the OCD support groups, at The Gateway Institute in Southern California. He serves as a member of the International OCD Foundation’s (IOCDF) BDD Special Interest Group and is one of the IOCDF’s lead ambassadors. He also currently serves as Vice President of OCD Southern California, an official affiliate of the International OCD Foundation, leading efforts in OCD awareness and education in the local community. Follow Chris at:
Instagram: @christrondsen
Email: christrondsen (at) gmail.comChris's story on Hear My Story Youtube channelUncovering OCD in-depth documentaryInternational OCD Foundation
In this episode, we bring on marriage blogger and award-winning author, Sheila Wray Gregoire to draw back the curtain, revealing the problematic and toxic teachings about sex taught to us growing up and throughout life, especially in church. Based on her book, The Great Sex Rescue, she shares how a groundbreaking in-depth survey of 22,000 Christian women reveals that generations of women have grown up with books and messages about sex that make them feel dirty, used, or invisible, while men have been sold such a cheapened version of sex.
Tune in to today's episode to hear Sheila authentically share how we can turn all of that around and begin to develop a true and hopeful view of sex where mutuality, intimacy, passion, and most of all, love reign.
Get your copy of The Great Sex Rescuenow!
**Sheila Wray Gregoire is a popular speaker, marriage blogger, and award-winning author of seven books, including The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. She wants to challenge Christians to go beyond pat answers on marriage to reach real intimacy. Sheila believes in authenticity and gives real solutions to the very real and messy problems women, and couples, can face.
Follow Sheila on:**
Instagram: @sheilagregoire
Facebook: Sheila Wray Gregoire
Her blog: www.tolovehonorandvacuum.com
Her podcast: Bare Marriage
For some of us, the holidays are an opportunity for quality time with close family and friends yet for many, the holidays and interactions thereof trigger mixed and often negative emotions; anxiety, anger, fear, sadness, grief, or loss. In this episode, Callie and David take time to acknowledge the difficulties of the holiday season and share 3 ways to help navigate difficult yet often necessary interactions.
ALSO, listen till the end to receive a special CHristmas gift from both of us... okay, mainly from Callie!
Expressing love through sexual intimacy is a special way to be vulnerable and affectionate in a romantic relationship; however, it's not always the most intimate way to express love. If a relationship feels disconnected despite a healthy sex life, there are actually several other ways to experience intimacy. In today's episode, Mary Jo Rapini presents these other forms of intimacy, sharing from her wealth of experience as a psychotherapist, specializing in sex therapy and intimacy. Join us as we also discuss common intimacy challenges in today's relationships and how we can learn to build intimacy in various situations, from dating to even at the brink of a breakup.
**Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist, specializing in intimacy, parenting, body image, and relationships. She is an expert for Fox 26 Houston and maintains a private practice in Houston, TX.
Follow Mary Jo on her:
Website: https://www.maryjorapini.com/
Youtube: Mary Jo Rapini Instagram/Twitter: @maryjorapini**
We live in a globalized and connected world yet many of us struggle to reach outside of our own cultural bubbles and form real relationships that move beyond stereotypes and lead to understanding, healing, and solidarity across cultural lines. Even in shared multi-ethnic spaces like churches, schools, and workplaces where we may feel diverse, we must remember that multiethnicity does not equate to multiculturalism.
In this episode, Michelle Ami Reyes takes us on a journey on how to look closer at our own cultures in order to appreciate and deepen our friendships with people of different cultural backgrounds.
**Michelle Ami Reyes, PhD, is the Vice President of the AACC (Asian American Christian Collaborative) and Co-Executive Director of Pax. She is also the Scholar in Residence at Hope Community Church and author of Becoming All Things: How Small Changes Lead to Lasting Connections Across Cultures. Michelle lives in Austin, Texas with her husband, Aaron, and two amazing kids.
Follow Michelle here:**Instagram: @michelleamireyes
Twitter: @drmichellereyesWebsite: https://michelleamireyes.com/
Michelle's Book: Becoming All Things: How Small Changes Lead To Lasting Connections Across Cultures on Amazon, Goodreads, and most major booksellers
In today's episode, we're joined by the wise Kelly Needham as she reminds us that we're called to more than halfhearted friendships and lukewarm connections. Sharing principles and personal stories detailed in her book, Friend-ish, we take an honest and closer look at what the tenor of Scripture says about the gift of friendship and what this practically means for us. Join us as we explore:
- Healthy vs unhealthy attachment in friendships
- The first step to making friends in a new place/stage of life
- What it practically looks like to build a friendship with an invisible God
- Why we must boldly ask for what we need in our friendships
- One major counterintuitive reason why we struggle to build trust in our close friendships
Kelly Needham is an author and speaker, married to singer/songwriter and speaker Jimmy Needham. She first began writing and speaking to his fan base in 2008 as they traveled together and has since garnered a much wider platform. Kelly is a regular contributor for Revive Our Hearts, and her writing has been featured at Desiring God, The Gospel Coalition, The Ethics and Religious Liberties Commission, Eternal Perspectives Ministries, and Crosswalk. She and Jimmy live in the Dallas area with their three children. You can find more of her writing and speaking at kellyneedham.com or follow her on social media:
Instagram: @kellyneedham
Twitter: @kellyneedham
Facebook: @mrskellyneedham
The psychologist, Dan Allender once wrote "if we don’t tell our stories, our stories will tell us. Our stories impact us either unconsciously or consciously. It’s up to us to decide whether we’ll be passive recipients or active agents in the shaping of our lives.” In this episode, we have none other than the king of chai & storytelling, @crossculturechristian, Kevin Wilson, to help us learn how we can explore, own, and honor our individual stories. As he shares reflections on his story, be sure to find profound and relatable gems that you can apply to your own life and take action on today!
Kevin Wilson is a youth and young adult pastor at the Oceanside SDA Church who is passionate about helping people think meaningfully about life so that they can live their lives meaningfully. He describes himself as a “third-culture-kid” who grew up in Sri Lanka, Oman, and the United States. When he’s not ministering to his congregation, he spends time nurturing a growing tribe of 220K+ chai-loving friends across TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, by using chai as a medium for storytelling. He currently lives in San Diego, married to his best friend of 10 years and his fur-children Phoebe and Leo.
In this episode, David now interviews Callie about her journey with sex. She reflects on her range of sources for sex education — from Planned Parenthood to married friends — and the value she's gained from each. Callie also shares how she navigated her insecurities regarding David's sexual history, as well as dealing with the guilt and shame of crossing boundaries in their relationship (and how to see it in its proper context). Not only is there much more, there's also plenty of jokes. You know how Callie is!
In this episode, Callie interviews David about his journey with sex. Beginning from childhood, he shares up through their current relationship as a married couple. Reflecting on experiences, emotions, and beliefs, David's story shows how we can't ignore our sexual past, present, and future. Vulnerability, honesty, and especially compassion are all necessary for healing and growth — especially in the realm of sex.
Food. It's something we all have in common, the world over must eat to live. Yet our food choices, habits, and preferences often tell a deeper and more complex story. In this episode, Dr. Margaret Nagib, a clinical psychologist specializing in treating eating disorders, takes us on a journey to understand how to assess our relationship with food and why it's crucial to do so for our well-being and the well-being of loved ones around us. Essentially, if you eat food, then this episode is for you.
More about Dr. Nagib (Instagram: @margaretnagib)
Dr. Margaret is a clinical psychologist specializing in Christian counseling, inner healing, personal and spiritual development as well as treating eating disorders, trauma, self-injury and mood disorders. She received her masters and doctorate in clinical psychology from Wheaton College in Wheaton, IL. and has also graduated from 2 years of Bethel Church’s Supernatural School of Ministry in Redding, CA.
In addition to serving clients in her private practice in downtown Wheaton, Dr. Nagib travels around the country and internationally providing seminars for various organizations and churches.
As an expert on emotional and spiritual wholeness, Dr. Nagib has written articles and been featured in several publications such as Relevant magazine, Addiction Professional, The American Association of Christian Counselors, and the Wall Street Journal. Dr. Nagib is also the author of Souls Like Stars: Renew Your Mind, Heal Your Heart, Unveil Your Shine.
Quality friendships are a necessity for our well being yet it is no secret that friendships can be one of the most difficult areas to navigate as adults. This episode marks the beginning of a journey to discover how we can build and maintain thriving adult friendships.
Before learning what comprises healthy adult friendships, we thought it wise to first address common misconceptions we have about them. Join us as we unpack 6 myths about adult friendships and how confronting these myths has impacted our own lives.
What do you do when it seems like everybody else is getting their breakthrough but you’re not? What is one important thing you're currently waiting on for life to get better?
Join our conversation with Dr. Heather Thompson Day, author of "It's Not Your Turn", as she shares what we can do to shape ourselves while waiting, so we are ready when it's our turn. So much wisdom for every single situation of life in this episode! If you enjoy it, please share the love with a friend and check out Dr. Heather's book!
Dr. Heather Thompson Day is an associate professor of communication at Andrews University, with a gift of inspiring young people through her speaking and writing. She's an author of 7 books including It’s Not Your Turn, and Confessions of a Christian Wife. . She's also the host of the Viral Jesus podcast and runs an online community called I’m That Wife which has over 200k followers. Heather resides in Michigan, with her husband, Seth Day, and their three children, London, Hudson, and Sawyer Day.
Follow Heather on
Instagram: @heatherthompsonday
Her website: heatherthompsonday.com
Welcome to season 2 of the podcast! We missed you!
In this episode, we introduce the exciting themes to look forward to this season and interview each other about our struggles, growth and supporting each other as a couple over the past year. We hope you'll be inspired to have similar conversations in your own relationships, romantic or not, as well as resonate with some of our reflections!
On this final episode of this (50-episode) season, we share our proposal story. Every proposal story is unique and beautiful and we're honored to share some of the hurdles crossed and milestones attained that led us to engagement, including:
- Why we "delayed" our engagement plans because of family
- A secret to the perfect proposal
- Why David's proposal plans were shut down
- How Callie almost busted the proposal set-up and who saved the day
We can't believe it's almost been a year since we launched the podcast! We've been privileged to have a total of 15 guests interview with us and I (David) wanted to share with you the top 10 lessons that I've learned from them in this first solo episode!
If you're new to the podcast, this is a great episode to help guide you on what episodes you might be interested in. And if you've been part of this community for a while, we're super curious to know what top lessons you've learned from our guests!
If you can, please share your lesson as a review on the podcast platform you listen on - even one sentence is helpful! Post a screenshot on Instagram of your favorite episode & tag us so we can thank you personally!
In this episode, we're finally addressing heartbreak, a topic frequently requested over private emails and messages. Whether from a mutual break-up, betrayal, rejection, or something else, heartbreak in romantic relationships happens and it hurts a lot. Why does it hurt so bad and how can we move on and heal? Join us as we share a few of our personal heartbreak experiences as well as tried-and-true advice to help you or a friend on the path towards healing.
In this episode, we're honored to have Shirin Peykar, LMFT sit down with us to talk about identifying and dealing with a narcissist, particularly in the context of romantic relationships. Deriving from her 10 years of experience helping survivors of narcissistic abuse, as well as her own past experience, having been married to a narcissist, we learned so much from this conversation and trust you will too. Join us as we discuss:
- What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and are all narcissists the same?
- How do I recognize a narcissist, especially in the context of dating/before getting into a romantic relationship?
- Why is it so difficult to get out of a narcissistic relationship?
- Will they ever change? They seem like a really hurting person on the inside. I want to help them.
- When is it time to leave the relationship? And how?
- What are some helpful steps to take towards healing?
- What advice do you have for young people living with/depending on narcissistic parents?
Shirin's Website: https://www.talkwithshirin.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lets_talk_divorce/?hl=en
Sherman Oaks Wellness: https://www.instagram.com/shermanoakswellness/?hl=en
Complex PTSD by Pete Walker: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD-ebook/dp/B00HJBMDXK
Decades of studies, by the Gottman Institute, reveal that the #1 killer of relationships is rejecting a loved one's appeals for connection. In today's episode, we dive deep into how we at times, knowingly or unknowingly, find ourselves doing so by:
1) discrediting their needs,
2) discrediting their autonomy, and
3) discrediting their character
More importantly, how can we respond more lovingly to appeals for connection, even if we feel threatened or attacked by them? Because oftentimes, we do.
Also referenced in the episode, Destini Ann's video of not letting your message get lost in your mess: https://www.instagram.com/p/CO_QvkPhiWl/?utm_medium=copy_link
In this episode, we're honored to sit with pastor, therapist-in-training, and author, Edsel Cadet, as he opens up and shares about:
- his journey integrating mental health into his spirituality and how you can too
- why it's not enough for you or your partner to "love the Lord"
- why he co-authored the book, "Still Thirsty" on healing & sexual fulfillment, and how we can change conversations on sex in church
- his love story and unique take on how to know if the person you're dating is "the one"
- And other awesome dating advice!
Order "Thirst" and pre-order "Still Thirsty" by Dr. C. Wesley Knight & Edsel Cadet here: https://www.edselbcadet.org/our-publications
You've probably seen at least one of those cringeworthy "Top Marriage Proposal Rejections" videos and like us, you may, or may not, be wondering "How did they not see this coming?!". In today's episode, we talk about why we believe pre-engagement counseling is much more important than pre-marital counseling (though both are important!) coupled with the need for more open, honest, and regular conversations about marriage long before the proposal, especially if marriage is the end goal. Join us as we talk about:
- When and how to have the marriage conversation while dating
- Our struggles talking about marriage with each other
- Why we chose to do pre-engagement counseling
- 7 key topics to discuss deeply before you get engaged
In this episode, we talk about a complicated emotion common to all of us: guilt. As moral beings, guilt signals to us of a wrong course taken so we can redirect our steps in the right path. However, more often than not guilt is used as a form of manipulation (the guilt trip), and is too frequently a destructive primary driver of our behavior. We realized that how you handle guilt can either lead you to life and happiness or lead you away from it. Join as we address:
- What is the guilt trip and where in life do we experience it?
- How do we tell the difference between good and bad guilt?
- What childhood influences may have led us to make guilt-driven decisions?
- A 4-step process to canceling a guilt trip
- How to stop taking people on a guilt trip
Studies show that social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain. This might help explain the hurtful experience of being ghosted: when someone terminates a relationship by ending communication abruptly and without explanation. A recurring phenomenon in the internet age, join us as we dig in to understand:
- What is ghosting and why it differs from silent treatment/stonewalling?
- Why it hurts so much?
- What are common reasons people ghost and how can we avoid ghosting others?
- 4 steps towards healing after being ghosted
In this episode, we take a walk down memory lane to reflect on why we made a decision not to say "I Love You" to each other until we were engaged, after 3 years of dating. We want to emphasize that this wasn't a rule but a choice we made. Join us as we recall the conversation we had that led to the decision, our reasoning behind it, how it impacted our relationship, and the "accidental" time David splurted the 3 magical words.
In today's episode, we delve into why all lasting and meaningful relationships in life are founded on trust, however, in pursuit of this ideal, we found ourselves trusting too little and/or trusting too much. Join us as we share our personal "trust issues" as well as:
- Reasons why we trust too little or too much
- Why love doesn't always equate to trust
- Why it's easier to break trust than to build it
- 4 proven ways to test if someone trustworthy and to build trust in your relationships
In today's episode, we celebrate the holiday by focusing on the relationship that transcends all other relationships that we usually talk about on this podcast. How do we practically frame and approach our relationship with God in the context of our core human relationships, especially our romantic ones? We explore this as well as share 7 guiding principles to help you and a loved one(s) spend meaningful, enjoyable, and consistent time with God together.
In this episode, we talk about a little-understood trait that is found in 15-20% of people, including Callie. Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) are essentially people that experience the world in high definition. However, HSPs have often been misinterpreted and mistaken for having certain disorders or illnesses. Join us as we recount our shocking discovery that Callie was an HSP as well as:
- Why her HSP trait explains why Callie requires more sleep, finds good or bad change upsetting, and experiences both beauty deeply
- The difference between HSP vs hypersensitivity, anxiety, or introversion
- 15 signs of an HSP
- 4 tips to help navigate life as an HSP
In this episode, we're joined by Jacent Wamala, a licensed marriage, and family therapist (LMFT) and money mindset coach, as she shares the critical intersection between money and relationships. Having paid off over $90,000 of debt in under two years while dating and now married, she provides some valuable gems on how to get our money mindset right first as individuals before doing so in our relationships. Join us as we also discuss the following:
- What to do when therapy doesn't work
- Why is money consistently a top reason for relationship conflict and divorce?
- Why we don't need to wait for motivation before making a decision to make change in our lives
- What money conversations should be having before marriage?
- How do we navigate perceived gender roles relating to money?
In this episode, we decided to celebrate, our dog, Everest's one-year anniversary as a new family member by sharing 3 crucial life lessons having her has taught us. We hope that you'll be able to apply these lessons to yourself as well as your relationships. Even if you're not an animal person (fun fact: Callie actually isn't one!), we believe you'll find this episode valuable. Enjoy!
This is the final episode in our 5 part series on Dating Essentials — 5 foundational principles for meaningful and fulfilling dating relationships.
In our final episode of the series, we’re honored to bring back Sebastien Braxton to discuss the role and significance of boundaries, particularly physical boundaries, during dating. We also address frequently asked questions surrounding this topic, including:
- If you love your partner and are committed to them, what's the big deal regarding limiting physical intimacy/sex before marriage?
- How can you learn about each other’s sexual baggage, preferences, and compatibility while dating if you have physical boundaries in place?
- Is there a universal standard to determine appropriate boundaries?
- What principles can we use to help us create and maintain boundaries in dating?
- What if my partner disagrees with my preferred boundaries?
- And much more...
You can find out more about Fiat Lux, Sebastien's online mentorship platform here:
https://www.patreon.com/m/fiatluxnc
Also, follow Sebastien at @agentjcarter and @fiatluxnc on Instagram
This is the 4th episode in our 5 part series on Dating Essentials — 5 foundational principles for meaningful and fulfilling dating relationships.
In this penultimate episode, we examine why successful dating typically takes time. But that begs the question, how much time? Is there a recommended minimum or suggested range? A number of months or a couple of years? Well, it depends. Join us as we dive into the 5 C's (Character, Competency, Chemistry, Culture, and Compatibility) that act as time markers, helping us know when is enough time to decide if that special someone is the right one.
This is the 3rd part in our series on Dating Essentials — 5 foundational principles for meaningful and fulfilling dating relationships.
In this episode, we delve into why accountability is such a crucial element in relationships, especially in dating. We always want to ensure that our most impactful relationships reflect the values that are most important to us. Yet often, emotional attachment, though not wrong in and of itself, can hinder our ability to discern and decipher clearly. That's where accountability comes in - inviting trustworthy people to keep us answerable to what we want most, instead of what we may just want now.
This is the 2nd part in our series on Dating Essentials — 5 foundational principles for meaningful and fulfilling dating relationships.In this episode, we challenge the myth that romantic relationships are necessary to be complete, whole, and happy in life. Many of us may agree that we are indeed complete in spite of a romantic relationship but do we actually believe it? Do we actually live it? Join us as we discuss this and explore how walking in the areas of spiritual, emotional, and social completeness actually allow us to better experience romantic relationships.
This is the beginning of our series on Dating Essentials — 5 foundational principles for meaningful and fulfilling dating relationships.In this episode, we begin by laying the foundation with purpose. Why are you dating? Or Why are you trying to date? Oftentimes, we can give a lofty, well-articulated answer. But is this our actual purpose? What are the attributes of a good purpose? Join us as we also discuss:
- How we define dating in a practical way
- Common unfulfilling purposes that guide our dating relationships
- What happens when we pursue romantic relationships when our purpose is askew
- How to pursue romantic relationships with true purpose
For some of us, date night - a planned occasion when you and your significant other spend 1-on-1 time cultivating emotional closeness through an activity - feels like a no-sweat reflex action. For others, it’s a nice-to-have but not a must-have. And for many, they often sense the need but find themselves battling with several barriers such as:
- I can’t find the time
- I’m just too exhausted
- I can’t think of any cheap or creative ideas! All the planning is too much
- What about the kids? The kids are the priority right now
Regardless of where you stand, we invite you to join us as we address: whether date night is non-essential or necessary, the common hesitations and how we can address them, our personal experiences, and what the key ingredients are to an awesome date night!
"Life is at best a chain of transitions, that is we are either going to, going through, or coming out of a transition."
In this episode, we sat down with the wise Jackson Saya, a former zoologist, and current life transition coach, who shares how parasites-the masters of transitions in nature -provide us with the keys to navigate change in our relationships. With these principles, we learn how our relationships can thrive in the midst of change, instead of just surviving. Join us as we dive into these lessons using the acronym PARASITE, including:
- Why cues are crucial in a new relationship
- How to build personal and interpersonal resilience in the midst of unexpected change
- How what got you promoted, can get you fired - and its application in relationships
- Why parents have a difficult time letting go of their adult children
For more from Saya, follow "Saya Jackson" on Youtube and Facebook and if you'd like to contact him personally with any questions or for life transition coaching, you can reach him at consultsayajackson(at)gmail.com and +254792655527
In this episode, we discuss a question often floated by listeners and that is, is online dating okay? Doesn’t it seem unnatural and inauthentic? Isn't it forced and where does God’s will in waiting for a partner come into play? Join us as we address some of these common hesitations as well as:
- Potential benefits of online dating
- Potential risks of online dating
- Principles for healthy online dating
As always, we’d love to hear your comments, thoughts, questions, and topic suggestions via Instagram @davidburuchara @callieburuchara or over email -- listen in for details!
In this episode, we delve into the realm of assumptions within relationships — accepting things regarding a person as true without proof. Living in the unverified reality of assumptions is often a source of grief and heartache; but we don't have to live there.
Some examples of possible assumptions may be:
- She didn’t call me last night, so she's clearly not interested
- He may seem rude and dismissive often times but I know he loves me
- They didn’t compliment my new outfit so they obviously don’t like it
- They should know better for not telling me the news before posting it on their feed
Join us as we discuss:
- The whys behind our assumptions, and their dangers
- Things we should never assume in relationships
- Why we sometimes prefer assumptions to reality
- How we misinterpret the statement that 70-90% of communication is non-verbal
- The importance of clear communication and how to foster it
“They say distance means so little when someone means so much. But still, somehow distance has this ability to break bonds, to break trust, to push us further away from each other not just physically but emotionally”
On our first podcast of the year, we’re honored to share a recent conversation with one of our favorite couples, Jonathan and Amanda Walter. Long distance - across multiple timezones - has been a defining aspect of both our relationships and is only becoming more common in our globalized and connected world. Join us for laughs and lessons as we dive deep into this topic, addressing the following:
- What defines a long distance relationship (LDR)
- Do LDRs really work?
- What are the benefits of being in an LDR?
- What are the typical challenges in an LDR and how do you deal with them?
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
As many around the world celebrate the hope and joy that Christ's birth brings, we decided to focus on a key relationship that surrounded His birth: Joseph and Mary, His earthly parents. Join us as we reflect on the oft-overlooked details of the early stages of this relationship; then, as we explore 3 resulting lessons we can bring into our own relationships from the biblical narrative.
Studies and debates have gone on for decades regarding this question: can members of the opposite gender be friends? Join us as we tackle this topic exploring the following question:
- Why does it even matter?
- Are there any differences between same-gender and opposite-gender friendships? Should there be?
- What are some guiding principles?
- What if your partner is not okay with your friend of the other gender?
We’re so excited to introduce our first guest duo, Steven and Tamara Conway, a couple we admire with a wealth of experience and wisdom, as they share how baggage & dysfunction from our past reveals itself in our present relationships and how we can confront it individually along with our loved ones. We hit on many relevant topics including:
- How marriage reveals hidden dysfunction
- The importance of managing expectations
- Conflict resolution and teachable moments
- How our core fears drive our sense of identity
- Why anger is a secondary emotion and much more!
Richard Carlson, the renowned psychologist, once said “Reflection is one of the most underused yet powerful tools for success.” Sometimes the pace of life, even during a pandemic, outpaces our ability to process it all; we can't believe it's already been a year of being married! So in today's episode, we take a step back to reflect on some lessons that our first year of marriage has taught us about ourselves, our spouse, and relationships.
And to celebrate this marker, we'd like to share with you our wedding highlight video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoEdFD52Oms
In today's episode, we share one of the most challenging parts of our relationship: dealing with anxiety. Callie is diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) — and it has impacted our relationship in some key ways. We explore how it's been for both of us, especially early on in our relationship and how we’ve worked through this reality over time. We also share important considerations and recommendations for a meaningful relationship where at least one person is dealing with a mental illness.
Here's a link to Callie's blog where she often shares her life experiences dealing with clincal anxiety: https://worriedsapling.com/
On this special 20th episode, we’re excited to welcome Charlene Coutet as she shares about her recently published book on relationships, My Child Wake Up. The book follows the journey of her romantic relationship mistakes and how a vivid dream led her to discover a powerful, logical, and practical remedy to her heartache and a way forward to better relationships. Some key themes we discuss are:
- The relationship between the heart and the biblical sanctuary
- Why and when relationship standards don’t work — what to do instead
- Being in love with the idea of a person vs the reality of that person
- Dealing with guilt and lies from your past mistakes
Also, listen in on how to get a 10% discount on physical copies of My Child Wake Up!
In today's episode, we share 3 qualities of safe people — the kind of people that help you, care for you, and are trustworthy. We also discuss how to interact with unsafe people — should we just avoid them at all costs? Aren't we all to some extent unsafe?
In this episode, we dive into a topic we're asked about as soon as people meet us: intercultural relationships. We look differently, talk differently, and come from different continents. How has that affected our relationship? Specifically, we focus on the following questions:
- When did it hit us that we were in an intercultural relationship?
- What was it like as a recipient of societal pressures and awkward questions?
- What are the benefits and challenges of an intercultural relationship?
- How do I challenge stereotypes?
- How did we make it easier for each other?
...and much more. This is a topic dear to our hearts, so you already know there are plenty of stories.
And as promised in the episode:
50+ Culture questions (PDF)
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dg5VYBB3YUXCiM-xBg2sfRkz5aUGtEIN/view?usp=sharing
In today's episode, we're excited to welcome Anil Kanda. Anil is one of our favorite speakers and we love his energy and deep, provocative insights into life’s toughest problems. Today he walks us through a fascinating and practical discussion on chemistry and compatibility. With insight, personal stories, and honesty, we touch on:
- What's the difference between chemistry and compatibility?
- Which is more important and why?
- Are examples of these in the Bible?
- Why eHarmony couples have a 3.86% divorce rate compared to the national average of 40+%? HOW?
- How do you practically seek God's guidance in helping you find a partner?
- What is the role of self-awareness in compatibility?
- How can you involve your parents and community in your search for a partner?
In today's episode, we delve into the importance of honesty in a relationship. Sometimes we fall into two extremes: we're either so honest that we are better labeled as rude, or we keep more than we should to ourselves in the name of "kindness". What's the balance here?
What kinds of things should we share with our significant other — and how?
Are there ever times that we should keep secrets?
Is it ever okay to lie to a loved one?
As always, we share lessons we've learned in this realm along with practical examples from our experience. This episode also came as a result of conversations with you, our awesome listeners, through talking on Instagram. Reach out to us anytime @davidburuchara & @callieburuchara
In today's episode, we share how we moved from an intentional friendship to officially dating/courting. We also explore that phase of a relationship that often defines this stage: the honeymoon phase. We got into some unplanned discussions about chemistry during the last portion of the episode, and we'd love to know your thoughts! Amidst Callie's weekly soapbox and a story about Indian curry stains we discuss:
- Is the honeymoon phase good or bad?
- What is the honeymoon phase like?
- If I never went through the honeymoon phase, does that mean my relationship is bad?
- What is the role of chemistry in a relationship?
In today's episode, we're grateful to have Israel Ramos, a long-time friend and mentor. We sought out him and his wife Judy to be part of our pre-marital counseling and are still benefiting from those meaningful discussions!
In this interview, we discuss two radical perspectives on commitment and further explore different reasons people, particularly men, struggle with commitment in their relationships as well as:
- the impacts of porn on commitment in relationships
- advice to men hesitating to propose/make that life long commitment
- how he dramatically changed his proposal plans at the last minute and proposed to his wife right after a fight
And because we talk about porn in this episode, in case you or someone you know is battling with porn addiction, we wanted to share this powerful & practical resource that may help you on the path to freedom from this addiction:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewJ2ek5qj50
FOMO is one of those millennial-esque terms; but we don't believe its experience is reserved for Millennials or even this decade. The fear of missing out can negatively impact our decisions and frames of mind, especially in the realm of relationships. In this episode, we dive into two kinds of FOMO, how it can impact even our closest relationships, and how to have a more balanced view of what we have and what we're striving for.
In today's episode, we share about the stage of our relationship between confessing our feelings for each other and becoming official/starting to date. Instead of taking our mutual feelings as a guarantee we should be in a romantic relationship, we decided to begin an intentional friendship. Through our experience and insights we gleaned from others, we delve into:
- How we confessed our feelings for each other
- The purpose of an intentional friendship
- The ideal length of an intentional friendship
- How to see the other person and your relationship with clarity even when you're a bit infatuated at this stage
We're convinced that the intentional friendship stage was vital for our relationship. Its effects made courtship smoother and it enabled us to be more confident in our affection of the other.
In this episode, we welcome (Auntie) Ruth Matoya to share her wealth of meaningful experience helping others as a licensed counseling psychologist. Sometimes we think counseling is the place we go when we're on the way out — we only go to counseling as a last resort if nothing else works. Instead, Auntie Ruth demystifies both the purpose and the long-term effects of counseling. Join us as we explore common questions such as:
- What is the difference between counseling and therapy? Does it matter?
- How do we navigate faith/spirituality and counseling?
- What percentage of people would probably benefit from counseling?
- How do I know if I need counseling/therapy?
- What do I do when I've had a terrible experience with counseling in the past?
- How do I find a good counselor?
Why do we sometimes tell people "yes" when we really want to say "no"? Why do we sometimes get mad at people for asking for our time? And who are these mythical people that seem to be so in control of their time, have no problem with telling people no, and yet are still kind about it? The answers to all of these questions center around boundaries.
There are so many relational heartaches and obstacles when we don't have strong boundaries; in fact, we can even hurt ourselves without anyone else's help! So how can we know if we have good boundaries? And more importantly, how can we have healthy boundaries? Find those answers (and plenty of personal stories) on this week's episode.
On this episode, we delve into that awkward space between friendship and something more: where you're starting to develop feelings, but aren't sure if the other person feels the same, or what you should do at that point, and the anxiety can be high! We share that phase of our relationship, how it came about, and how it felt for us at the time.
We then focus on one of the biggest causes of heartache and misunderstanding in this phase: trifling. What is trifling and how do you avoid it? What can you do if you're stuck in this phase with someone and don't know how to get out?
As always, we'd love to hear your thoughts on today's episode! Reach out to us on IG: @davidburuchara & @callieburuchara
In today’s episode, we are excited to welcome Justin Kim, a colleague, friend, mentor, and Old Testament timeline aficionado (Callie insisted on putting that in). Justin shares how leaving a position at Harvard and drastically switching career trajectories impacted his relationship search during his 20s. Through both personal experience and learned principles, he also shares about:
- Being set up with someone and how we can be more open to it
- The importance of self-awareness in assessing your readiness for a relationship
- Why mentors are important in helping you know the same readiness
- Common challenges in the Christian dating scene and their solutions
We all want to have healthy, fulfilling, and meaningful relationships — so why do sabotage them? It definitely takes two people to create a wonderful relationship, but sometimes its failure has little to do with the other person and a lot to do with us. Why is that? What are we so afraid of? And more importantly, how can we stop allowing these fears to sabotage our relationships?
In this episode, we take a closer look at common fears we allow to hurt our relationships as well as the underlying causes of these fears. We then share practical ways we've found to grow past these struggles, and how you can start enjoying your relationships instead.
One of the most common questions couples receive is…“So, how did you two meet?” We love answering this question, mostly because it’s not what people expect — it also depends on who they ask: David gives a great summary, and Callie excels in the details.
On this episode, join us as we share more about our story, and as we discuss key questions such as:
- Were we soulmates? What defines a soulmate?
- Is it okay to meet people online?
- Did we experience love at first sight? Is that a real thing?
In today's episode, we are excited to welcome Sikhu Daco, a good friend and theology buff. She shares about her years of marvelous contentedness as a single woman, while still being open and searching for a relationship; and accomplishing both while living out her purpose.
Living in a romantic-relationship-centric society, we are often bombarded with the idea that our value and identity are determined by a spouse (or lack thereof). Sikhu wisely breaks down the heart of the issue and speaks to relevant issues, such as:
- Is singleness merely a preparation for marriage?
- Am I single because there's something wrong with me?
- What happens when there are no good/eligible men or women out there?
- How should I deal with the pressures of culture and family?
- How should women relate to being pursued...or doing the pursuing themselves?
If you've been on social media during the last few weeks (July 2020) you've likely heard about the six-year-old boy, Bridger Walker of Wyoming, who became an internet hero for jumping in front of a dog that was running to attack his little sister. He suffered 90 stitches to his face as a result of dog bites but his heroic sacrifice will awe the world for years to come.
This had us thinking; while many of us can easily say that we'd "take a bullet" for a partner, friend, or family member, does this deep love for our loved ones show on the surface of our day-to-day interactions? Aren't we at times meanest to those who mean the most to us?
Join us on this episode as we explore these questions and zoom in on how we imperceptibly set aside respect for people we love and 4 ways to immediately begin communicating respect to those closest and dearest...and to everyone else too!
While we're certain that you'll find out much more about us as we explore different phases of our relationship in future episodes, we thought it fitting in today's episode to pull back the curtain on our individual lives before we met in 2014.
In this more chill conversation, through laughs and reflections, we discover some similarities and differences between our upbringing and then transition into key mindsets and experiences that shaped how we approached romantic relationships up until we first met.
Warning: some embarrassing stories might be shared. Worry not, however, none but we are receiving shade on this one.
And if you enjoy this episode, we'd love it if you could subscribe and share! New episodes every Friday!
What's the difference between being interested in someone, liking them, and loving them? What exactly do these terms mean experientially? Do defining these terms matter?
On this episode, Sebastien Braxton, a special friend, mentor, and our very first podcast guest, shares with us the simple yet insightful framework called The Relationship Continuum to help us define the different feelings and thoughts we experience during a relationship. You'll find that this framework brings clarity not only to early-stage romantic relationships but to long term marriages as well!
Sebastien is a seasoned entrepreneur and is currently the CEO and founder of Fiat Lux, an online Christian mentorship program hosted on Patreon. He is a public speaker/preacher and has spoken in 70+ countries over the past 17 years while being heavily involved in young adult and campus ministry. He is also a former marine and proud parent of 4 along with his wife Candis. You can follow him on Instagram at @agentjcarter.
If you enjoy this episode, please subscribe, share, and follow us on Instagram at @davidburuchara and @callieburuchara
On the first episode of Down To Earth with the Burucharas, we'll briefly share what this podcast is about and why we decided to launch this project, before diving right into today's topic that we believe is relevant to everyone listening!
With all that's going on in the world this year, it's likely that you've had, are having, and will continue to have tough, uncomfortable, and possibly emotionally-charged conversations with loved ones and even strangers. These difficult conversations are not all bad; in fact, they're often rooted in matters deeply important to us.
While we are all predisposed to different ways of responding, ranging from silence to even violence, we'd love to share with you 3 strategies that have greatly helped us to safely and effectively navigate difficult conversations.
And if you enjoy this episode, please subscribe, share, and follow us on Instagram at @davidburuchara and @callieburuchara