Not Alone: Conversations on Faith and Wellbeing: Recent Episodes
Foundry Creative
Weekly conversations on mental health and overall wellness approached from the lens of everyday struggles and centered by Christian teachings. Hosted by Michael McCord, Evan DeYoung, and Lindsay Geist, LCSW; three faith leaders who like having vulnerable conversations about faith, wellbeing, ridiculous analogies, and overall healthy living.
Do you miss Buzzfeed quizzes? We kind of do. We actually took one at the beginning of this episode to determine which jobs we had if we were all Ken's in Barbieland. We like discovering our personalities, even if that means having someone (or something) prescribe it for us. We get into what personality really means in this episode, how our identities interplay with our personal inclinations, and why Michael's accent changes every time he takes a trip.
In this installment, we're going to be talking about the topic of identity. We've touched on it before, specifically as it relates to individuation during early life development, but we're to going to continue that conversation and explore identity in adulthood. All three of us get open and honest about a recent identity shift that occurred within our church denomination, Lindsay talks about what her own individuation process has looked like in life, and Michael talks about what it's like to juggle several seemingly paradoxical identifiers at once.
Grief is a topic we've addressed several times before this podcast, but unfortunately it's something all three of us have experienced in our lives recently. Michael and Evan get real about some family losses they've each suffered recently, plus Lindsay talks about a recent change that happened in her career. These moments are tough to walk through, but talking about the pain (and recognizing it) is essential to our own wellbeing. This one's kinda long too, so grab a coffee and settle in!
This week, we piggyback off of our last episode and dive deeper into the subject of success. We'll talk about how the world defines success, grappling with those conventional metrics working in ministry (including when organizations seemingly fail to meet those benchmarks), and how God's presence can often defy how we determine success. Also, we learn to no one's surprise that Lindsay was basically a perfect child when she was growing up.
We're back! To kick off this new season of the podcast, we will each take our turns describing how we're crushing it out there... just kidding. That would make for terrible listening. What we will talk about, though, is how we define success in life, how conventional metrics of success might not always equal overall wellness, and how we can set personal goals in a healthy way. Evan talks about his dreams of being on the Antique Road Show, Michael talks about career changes he's made (plus a fellow television star he met), and Lindsey talks about what it's like to talk to clients about success (as well as her lack of success in getting Michael and Evan into long-distance running).
Helloooooooooooo..... we hope this podcast preview finds you well. It's been a busy 2023 for us but we're finally back and have already begun recording new episodes! Keep an eye out next week as we begin season 5 of Not Alone!
Now, looking solely at the title of this episode, one might deduce that Michael McCord grew up extremely wealthy; so wealthy he even had an Englishman in livery to answer his home phone for him. But like any good clickbait story, the truth is buried under the headline (and usually has a boring explanation you have to click 8 links to find). Despite living in the information age, finding the truth can be a daunting task, and one we don't often have the time to do. So how do we deal with information, misinformation and disinformation? In this episode, Lindsay Geist will explain the difference between those three concepts, Michael will talk about an interesting accent his sibling took on (which ties into the butler story), and Evan DeYoung shares his wisdom as someone who grew up a digital native.
When you hear the word tradition, what comes to mind? If you're like Lindsay, you might think of a certain musical about a Jewish patriarch adapting to fast-paced times. Or maybe you're like Michael, and think of a ratty old sofa that was hard to throw out because of the memories attached to it. Traditions are a huge part of our family lives and spiritual practices. Why is tradition so important? How do we determine what things we must hold onto, what things we let go of, and what things we decide to change? This week, we'll share some of the traditions from our own lives and unpack the wisdom we've learned from them, and look for the spirit behind the traditions we hold.
We're trying out a new podcasting format his week; instead of us spilling our guts out for you, we're going to send out 55 minutes of total silence so you can dish out your deepest darkest secrets. Just pretend like we're listening (we're totally not)....
Just kidding! If you started listening to the podcast before reading the description like a normal person does you would know this is a farce. Confession is an interesting tradition of Christian living, one which most of us are uncomfortable practicing. But just as Biblically-practiced confession can draw us closer to God, honesty with other people creates intimacy; and getting to that level of honesty might require a greater capacity for forgiveness.
We're sad Lindsay couldn't be a part of this conversation this week, but Michael and Evan were able to have a great and thoughtful conversation, even though there wasn't a professional present to keep things in check.
We hope you like surprises... if you don't, though, that's okay. We're not sure how we feel about them either.
A surprise is defined as something that's unexpected or mis-expected (more on that word later). The total subversion of expectation can be a rich, rewarding thing, such as a surprise party or a surprise gift. They can also be big-time stress inducers as well; like medical procedures or life expenses. And there are the things in life that don't always make the best surprises (like puppies or children) no matter how good and wonderful they might be.
In this episode, Lindsay shares some research that's actually been done on surprises, and Michaels shares some of the good and bad surprises that have happened over his life.
When was the last time you did something just for fun? Like threw a frisbee, played a board game, or even assemble a LEGO set? Play is not always seen as an essential need for adults (and sometimes it's looked down upon), but there's a lot of evidence to suggest it's a lifelong necessity. Michael, Evan and Lindsay will go through some of the anecdotal evidence from their own lives but they'll discuss some research that's been done by some really smart people, like Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (we'll get into how to pronounce that).
*"When the road looks rough ahead
And you're miles and miles
From your nice warm bed
You just remember what your old pal said
Boy, you've got a friend in me"*
These of course are the lyrics of the classic Toy Story theme song written by Randy Newman. We often think of friendships being able to last through time and survive long distances, but the reality is our friendships change over the course of our lives. In this episode, Michael, Lindsey, and Evan discuss what this has meant in their own lives, how making friends looks different in adulthood, and the practical ways we can maintain our friendships despite how busy life may get.
Summer is traditionally the vacation season; we push the pause button on our daily routines to go somewhere and kick our feet up. But how we experience summer changes over the course of our lives. Summer can be beach time, it can also be time for home projects, or even moving to a new home altogether. Perhaps you can look back on your own previous summer seasons and see the times of rest and the times of stress. In this episode, we’ll get anecdotal and talk about how that has played out in our own lives. Lindsey had a Summer of Yes, Michael moved to Nashville, Evan got introspective, and we all found out how much we missed podcasting!
Purpose is both a deep and broad concept. It’s a universal human desire, and it’s a big focal point for a lot of Christians in particular. And while purpose can be powerful and inspiring, it can also be challenging to navigate life around. So how do we balance health and purpose in our lives? How can theology shape our understanding of what purpose really is? And how do we apply our concepts of purpose around our decision making processes?
Even though the pandemic has waned and normal life has resumed to a large degree, some of its broader effects can still be observed; particularly within the job market. In what has been called the “Great Resignation,” many companies have reported staffing shortages, and the workforce seems less eager to return to old form. In this episode, we’re going to take a closer look at this phenomenon, why it seems like people don’t want to work anymore, what Christians in America think about vocation in general and what we can actually learn from the teachings of Jesus.
Michael, Evan, and Lindsey will tackle this subject in its broader form, but they'll also talk about the personal decisions we all face around our forms of employment, when it's right to leave a job, or when it's time to start a new one.
Bonus Material:
- So what's significant about Zacchaeus (apart from being a wee little man)?
- Chinese food for breakfast?
- Christian memes made by Russian bots.
The United Methodist General Conference has been postponed (again) until 2024, but there's a lot to digest between now and then. It's a topic we've miraculous avoided in the almost-two years we've been podcasting (wait, has it nearly been two years???) but we decided to go ahead and talk about it now. If you're not familiar with what's been going on, the United Methodist Church has been in a fractured state for the last several years on the issue of LGBTQ+ marriage and ordination, and a divorce within congregation seems inevitable. Michael, Lindsey, and Evan will get into the weeds of this issue, explore the tangential effects it has had on the emotional wellbeing of people within Methodism, and talk about what a more united future might look like.
This episode, we'll pick up where we left off two weeks ago with the second half of our conversation on forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness can be tricky... even though it's good to seek forgiveness, it can sometimes be heard as, "let's forget this happened and just move on." So how do we know when to let others have their space when we've hurt them? What are the differences between "big" and "small" forgiveness? And how do we practice forgiveness in healthy community?
Forgiveness is a word we hear often in church. If you go to a liturgical church, you might even say "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" every Sunday. But why forgiveness easy to talk about but hard to conceptualize? This week, we'll start the first part of a two-part conversation about this topic. Join us as we discuss the actual meaning of forgiveness, what it means to forgive others (and ourselves), and how it relates to our spiritual lives as well as our interpersonal connections.
At some point in every person’s life, there will be moments that are so heavy you just can’t “keep calm and carry on,” as the old saying goes. Whether it's stress, grief, or depression, we eventually have to find ways to cope. And there are lots of different coping mechanisms that people employ, including some that might actually be doing more harm to us on top of whatever it is we’re experiencing. So… how do we form healthy and productive coping habits?
Setting goals can be tricky. Following through on them is even harder. Sometimes it’s good to have a little accountability from others, but where is the line between helpfulness and judgment? This week, we explore the concept of accountability, how it works in the context of discipleship, how the concept can be misused and abused, and what it looks like to practice healthy transparency in work, family and relationships.
It is 2022-- wait, it's 2022?!
And in the spirit of the new year and new year’s resolutions, we will be talking in this episode about motivation-- how do you find the emotional energy to accomplish both long term goals and everyday tasks? Do you even really need motivation to get things started?
Other Topics:
- The history of New Year's resolutions, dating back to the Babylonians (for real)
- The concept of keystone habits and how to be foundational when we decide to implement change
- How to put away your phone and actually pay attention to the television (is this where we are now?)
As always, don't hesitate to send us your questions!
We're on Instagram/Facebook @thenotalonepod
We're back baby! Well, we're almost back. It's hard getting back to the grind in the New Year. Plus, there's all these resolutions we promised ourselves we'd do on top of all our other obligations. You might say we could use some extra motivation...
What's that? You could use some too? Perfect! Because that's how we're kicking things off next week. We'll be talking about building and maintaining habits, what to do when we're not feeling all that motivated, and we'll really tell you how we feel about the institution of New Year's resolutions. Stay tuned!
Merry Christmas! We love this time of year... Christmas trees, lights, presents, the Incarnation of our Lord and Savior... oh yeah, and all the weird conversations we're going to have with our families. How do you prepare for the uncomfortable questions from parents/grandparents? What do you do when Secret Santa suddenly becomes political? How do we avoid that most American of temptations of talking in circles about our jobs? We have some ideas on how to not only remind ourselves at what's actually important, but how to keep the Holidays fun and festive for all.
This is part 2 of a series on sexuality and the church; if you haven't listened to part 1, we highly encourage you to do so before starting this one up. Also, we will be direct and open in this conversation... if you're listening with children present maybe leave this one in the que for now.
Did you ever read books like Josh Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye? Did anyone ever give you a purity ring when you were in high school? In this segment, we will be examining the purity culture that emerged within the Church years ago, its lasting impact on people who grew up in it, and possible next steps in discovering a more positive sexual identity.
First off, we plead for your forgiveness over the title of this episode. Puns are bad and we should feel bad.
But in all seriousness, we will be talking about sexuality in this episode. We won't get graphic but we will be candid, so we recommend you don't listen to this with children present.
Why is sex one of the most sensitive subject matters in the church? In part one of this two-episode conversation, Michael, Evan, and Lindsay will be sharing from their personal experiences growing up within the church, exploring the theology of sex and marriage, and why we as Christians often have a hard time reconciling ourselves with their sexuality.
Last episode we talked about how to challenge ethnocentrism, navigate tribalism, and how to be curious about different perspectives instead of being dismissive. Easy stuff, right? Well this week we're taking it up a notch; we're talking about disagreements and worldview differences that occur in our pre-existing relationships! How do we keep friendships with those with those whom we have disagreements with? How do we keep the peace at work if a fellow employee is trying to stir the pot? And what are we supposed to do with Facebook? Plus, we'll hear Michael share some wisdom from his days at his college fraternity. Make sure you take a listen before you sit down at Thanksgiving; this might be helpful.
In this episode, we will be talking about a very unique delicacy Michael once tried while he was in the Philippines... and how it relates to the main topic of this episode: dialogue with others of differing opinions. You’ve probably read and heard much about the divisiveness of our times and perhaps you’ve even experienced a heightened level of discord in your own life recently. We’re not going to solve the issue of tribalism today but we do have a question to focus our discussion on: Why is it our immediate instinct to criticize the views of others who are different from us, and how can curiosity lead the way to better dialogue and more harmony? And how can we think better of others if we consider the ways in which our own grandmothers impacted our lives?
We're picking up where we left off last week with decisions! (And don't worry, at no point is Evan going to ask you to choose between a red pill and a blue pill). What we are talking about this week, though, are some practical tool and methods when it comes to making decisions, how to be empathetic in our processes, and what are some examples from scripture on how to make decisions based on prayer and Biblical values.
We're back! If you're new to the podcast and can't decide whether you should start here or work your way up our catalogue, don't despair! For one thing, there is no right or wrong way to listen to this podcast. Secondly, this episode is all about making decisions! We'll go into the stress of making decisions both big and small and where to find good help from others.
Season 3 dropping soon... make sure you got your journals, pens, a readily accessible feelings wheel, and an appetite for food metaphors.
It's five o'clock somewhere... it may even be five o'clock wherever you are when you decide to listen to this. Either way, we're on vacation! But despite it being the middle of summer, we decided to record a quick mini-episode to keep you updated, give some thoughts on post-pandemic summer life, and also to leave you with some parting thoughts as we take a break from the show and transition to island time. As the title suggests, this may be the Season 2 finale; it might also just be an extended break. Nevertheless, we will gather our wits once we return and be ready to hit the ground running come early fall.
Thank you for your listenership; it means more to us than you know. Happy Summer!
With it being summer and many of us planning vacations, we decided to talk about the subject of rest. What is the purpose of rest? What is the difference between resting and doing nothing? And how do we use rest as a tool to maximize ourselves in our daily lives? Also, would Chicken Salad Chick like to give us a nice endorsement?
2:00 - Intro to topic. How do we know when we’ve done enough work before we allow ourselves to rest?
9:00 - How do we shake labels like lazy or unreliable? How do we find value apart from what we produce?
16:30 - How do we discipline our rest and make it part of our routine?
28:00 - How do we not feel guilty about being proactive in our rest? What is the difference between working to rest and resting to work? What is the difference between retreating and resting?
37:45 - The benefits of play (not just for kids, but boring adults, too!)
44:10 - VACATION CHALLENGE: how can you find yourself being busy but also full of joy and rest?
52:40 - Final thoughts
Building a Culture of Discipleship by Michael Breen: https://www.amazon.com/Building-Discipling-Culture-Mike-Breen-ebook/dp/B005HQDUK4
This episode is a bit unlike any we’ve ever done before as we decided it was finally time to take a break from zoom meetings. That’s right; this episode of Not Alone is the very first to be recorded in person! The gang recently got together at Evan’s house to reflect upon the last year of podcasting, the progression of post-pandemic life, the things we get to celebrate now, and we also try our hands at being spokespersons for a popular chain of chicken salad restaurants.
This week we are releasing part 2 of our conversation with Greer Jones. Greer is a professional counselor and a friend of the pod who has lots of experience walking with other through substance abuse. If you haven’t listened to part 1 yet, we highly encourage you to do that first!
In the second half of our conversation, we talk about the challenges of maintaining sobriety, more on how COVID increased substance abuse in the US, but more importantly what role the church has to play in walking with others in a way that creates community and addresses issues at the source.
Greer Jones' counseling services : https://www.agapetherapytuscaloosa.com
SHOW NOTES:
0:35 - the difficulties of maintaining sobriety
5:37 - what is your advice to someone who has been drinking in isolation due to stress related to the pandemic?
10:00 - things to consider when reading news/statistics around substance abuse
17:11 - Insights into how the pandemic influenced substance abuse from the vantage point of doctors
23:15 - how do we tackle substance abuse coming out of the pandemic and what ways can churches walk along others in reaching sobriety?
33:00 - Greer shares how being in the company of Christ-like people influenced her in powerful ways
This week we are releasing part one of a two-segment interview with a guest we had on our show. The conversation went on a lot longer than we had initially expected so we have decided to split it in two; the second half of which will release approximately a week from when this uploads. (One caveat; at several points in the conversation we mention sexual assault; we don’t discuss it in great detail, but if that’s a painful trigger for you then you might want to skip this episode.)
Our guest today is our friend Greer Jones. Greer is a counselor who lives in a college town and specializes in working with college-aged adults. She has a lot of experience walking with other through substance abuse.
3:25 - Introduction to Greer, how her background working at sea world actually affected her current career as a counselor
9:24 - Greer’s experiences working with other people’s substance abuse
18:04 - What does “recovery” mean in terms of substance abuse/alcoholism? How do we help others find next steps?
29:49 - Greer talks about a traumatic experience she had in college and how she coped through substance abuse
34:34 - How alcohol abuse is uniquely common on college campuses and the difficulties there are in diagnosing it, and how social contexts in general make substance abuse hard to call out
40:24 - How shame discourages vulnerability and the desire to seek help
Greer Jones' counseling services: https://www.agapetherapytuscaloosa.com/
In the last year, we’ve talked about a lot of challenges we’ve all faced in the pandemic, and this week we’re introducing another to the list: substance abuse. How do we define things like alcoholism and dependence, how has substance abuse affected faith communities, and how do we know when it’s time to take steps towards healthier living?
0:35 Chick-fil-a changed the name of their Arnold Palmer to “Sunjoy.” Which Cathy family member do we have to call to rectify this PR misstep?
4:55 Substance abuse has increased in the last year; what does substance abuse mean? What is the difference between abuse and dependence? And how has COVID impacted trends of both among adults?
12:30 Unique ways our culture has positively reinforced alcohol abuse
19:54 How does alcohol dependence usually start? What are the symptoms of alcohol abuse?
27:45 How does vulnerability lessen our need to drink? How does the need for many clergy to drink in secrecy negatively affect their consumption?
In this episode, we’re delighted to have Dominique Johnson back on the podcast. Dominique is an African American pastor from Macon, Georgia who came on our show a year ago to discuss race in the wake of the George Floyd protests from last summer. We got on the call with Dominique again recently to revisit some of those talking points, to discuss current issues, and also to talk about where we go from here as the church.
Dominique's organization: https://theurbanceo.org/
Michael has returned from the world of Academia a new man and so we’re celebrating by picking up on Anxiety around Re-entry. What does church look like now that we’re approaching post-pandemic life, and what lessons should we take from this past season of life?
6:49 - Michael shares his experience attending church in-person for the first time again.
12:25 - We speculate on what God might think about re-openings
16:02 - Who are we a year later in the pandemic?
23:50 - Michael shares some of his insights talking to other pastors about opening up churches again, also a discussion of the modern church in post-pandemic life centered around the theology of rebirth and renewal
32:50 - Evan felt like dog water after his vaccination, but got to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy and shares how the ending relates to his experience coming out of the pandemic
42:10 - Ideas for rituals on how to close out this chapter of our lives
This week, we are once again without Michael, who was busy working on his dissertation, so we decided to take a pause in our normal programming and do something a little different. In this episode, Evan got on the call with Lindsey to talk about the world of therapists, her background as a counselor and an ordained minister, and also some things the general public might not know about the profession at large.
This week, we’re circling back on the topic of Anxiety, but we’re framing the discussion around the imminent re-entry into "normal life." What is it about post-pandemic living that is making us anxious? With Michael missing in action in order to continue his education, Evan gets free one-on-one counseling from Lindsay this week, leading to some interesting anecdotes from airports, some fun facts about ferrets, and how he's desperate to talk to strangers (yes, this is an open invitation to chat in our DM's).
This week, we pick up where we left off with joy vs happiness. We’ll talk more about more the differences between the two, why it feels like they are at odds with one another, and we’ll also look into what the Bible has to teach us on the subject.
2:45 - Recap of last week
4:00 - Why should we distinguish joy from happiness?
7:34 - Exploration of James 1:2 (“consider it pure joy when you face trials”)
17:05 - Why should we care about the original Hebrew and Greek texts when we read into scripture?
27:34 - What does scripture have to specifically say about joy and happiness?
36:04 - A food analogy on the differences between happiness and joy (you can scratch that off your bingo board). Michael then shares an anecdote from being a parent at a kids’ basketball game to illustrate how we as Christians can cultivate joy.
46:45 - Michael gives a homework assignment
Hey y'all; this week we’re talking about joy, how it differs from fleeting happiness, and how we can cultivate in our lives.
3:00 - Intro joy
8:20 - Etymology of happiness
10:00 - The difference between joy and happiness
20:50 - How does happiness connect with joy?
29:04 - The infectious nature of joy vs the silo effect of happiness
33:50 - The relationship between joy and gratitude
41:35 - Evan makes an Easter egg hunt analogy (on theme for the season)
Today we're back on toxic positivity, but we're going to look at from a church-centric perspective as well as examine what the Bible has to say about it theologically
Notes:
4:00 - Re-itroduction to toxic positivity.
8:00 - Where does toxic positivity exist in Christian faith communities?
13:00 - When is it appropriate to express our sadness and when is it not?
16:30 - How do we balance the scriptural promises of joy with being honest with our sadness? What does the Bible specifically say about lament?
24:30 - Psalm 88 and unresolved sadness.
30:20 - Can you experience hope without embracing pain? Michael shares insights of academic studies on the correlation of racism and hope.
36:00 - Why karma doesn’t exist in Christianity, even though we sometimes act like it does.
42:00 - How to spot toxic positivity within our own lives, how to get help, and parting thoughts.
2:30 Intro to toxic positivity
5:00 - When does positivity become toxic?
13:40 - Why is toxic positivity easy, especially when we mean well?
16:00 - Some signs of toxic positivity, plus Lindsay gives Evan some free counseling
25:35 - How the Incredible Hulk models emotions in an unhealthy way, especially men
33:45 - Why discussions toxic positivity shouldn’t be ignored because of the presence of other issues
41:12 - Why toxic positivity doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to feel hopeful
Today we wrap up our three part series on change. We’ll talk about how to help others cope with major changes in their lives, how to balance giving help to others versus being their counselor, the stress of changes in life (including some anecdotes from our collective experiences choosing/changing majors back when we were in school), and how to cope with rapid changes happening in the world around us.
Welcome back to Not Alone a podcast about Faith and Wellness, we’re so glad you’re tuning in. Picking up from where we were a week ago, we are diving back into the subject of change. In this episode, we’re going to talk about how change is ever present in our lives, how it’s essential to Christian faith, and we’ll discuss the ways we contemplate change in our spiritual lives.
- 02:30 - How do faith and change interplay with one another? Does God want us to change as people? If change is essential to Christian faith, how do we choose personal change without the burden of shame?
- 08:50 - How different faith traditions within Christianity have differing definitions of imagery of what change is, but they all see change as an inherent strength we were created with.
- 11:40 - Why is change hard? Why are we often ashamed to admit we need to make healthier decisions? What are the similarities and differences in how believers and non-believers experience change?
- 20:20 - Change is happening to us whether we like it or not, so what does it look like to incorporate faith in the ongoing process of inevitable change in our lives? Recap of Christian perfectionism.
- 25:00 - Michael talks about the different types of grace that are taught by his church denomination, and how confession and repentance have become lost arts of mainstream Protestantism in the US.
- 31:27 - What is the correlation between change and healing?
This episode is the official kickoff of season 2 of the podcast and we’re excited for all the new things we have in store for you in 2021. Change is in the air, folks. And because we’re tweaking our format a little, we thought it would be appropriate to kick things off by talking about change (reading Who Moved My Cheese? is not required though it is encouraged, mostly because we’re still looking for our cheese).
7:00 - what we’re excited about new format of the show
9:15 - Intro to change.
13:35 - clinical understanding of change
34:00 - how do we know when it’s time to change?
37:00 - the importance of seeing small changes, plus a look ahead to our next episode in this series.
Merry Christmas! We hope you’re taking care of yourselves this holiday season; with the pandemic still afoot we know many have had to alter their plans for the season, and while this has been a tough year in general, we’re hopeful at Christmas. Before listening to this episode, it is recommend that you procure a warm beverage of your choice and position yourself by a fireplace (or a live feed of one on YouTube).
Today’s conversation is all about self care; for context, it was recorded just over a week after the election. If you’re listening during the week this episode is uploaded, you’re probably gearing up for the holidays; so odds are you, the listener might need a little self-care at the moment.
4:55 - Intro to Self care
8:40 - Self-care routines
12:10 - Our self care routines
23:40 - the challenges of self care in the US
25:40 - the social side of self care
37:40 - tools for other kinds kinds of self care, plus closing thoughts
Today we’re going to talk about perfectionism, John Wesley’s battle with the desire to be flawless, the ways in which we wrestle with the various impulses to be perfect, and we’ll also do a brief review of the movie Homeward Bound.
12:20 - Breaking down the the 3 camps of perfectionism
14:45 - What is the antidote to self-perfectionism? Saying messy is okay.
15:55 - how do we identify perfectionism?
19:15 - is perfectionism completely bad?
23:15 - LIndsay shares a quote from Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly”
24:25- what is it about us that makes us lean towards perfectionism?
29:00 - how do we teach excellence along with the dangers of perfectionism?
35:23 - Thoughts on Matthew 5:48
47:00 - Evan shares how a scene from Homeward Bound impacted his view on faith.
57:00 - In the moment, when we recognize our own perfectionist tendencies, what should we do?
1:00:33 - How relationships is helps us find healing
1:06:40 - How do we deal with pressure from society to be perfect?
The day of this episode dropping is election day. Elections are a vital part of our civic engagement, but they can also be stressful, and even bring out the worst of ourselves. So how do we safeguard our hearts and minds, love and respect our neighbors, and still be involved with our elections?
This episode is all about labels; and no, we’re not talking about the nutritional facts on food products (but we will get into food several times this episode). What we are talking about are the categories we assign to people and ourselves. We’ll go into what it looks to like break down labels of other people, how to parse out our own identity despite labels we’ve received, how to recalibrate labels as descriptors and not defining characteristics, and also what labels God has assigned us that bring us together.
2:57 - Introduction to the topic of labels, including to how this is addressed in a clinical setting vs. how we refer to it in less formal environments. We also discuss where they come from, what purpose they serve, and some of the ways they have been destructive recently to our society, particularly in politics.
11:02 - Is labelling more of an issue as we grow older? Maybe; it just depends on context. Michael shares some of the ways he sees children forgo the use of labels but also how shedding labels can be part of maturing as an adult.
13:12 - How labels can cause harm, as observed in a more clinical setting, and the dangers of using them as defining characteristics rather than descriptors. Michael shares insights on how college freshmen have to deal with labels in profound ways for the first time in their lives.
19:52 - Evan talks about “The Scarlet Letter” by Nathaniel Hawthorne, a classic that deals almost exclusively with the concept of labelling, and how the Biblical model for knowledge is actually to gain understanding rather than opinions.
23:52 - What is our responsibility as believers when it comes to interacting with labels? How did God use them in the Bible to reveal aspects about himself and how does he call us to be transcendent of our categories?
28:50 - Discussion of brunch and the labels we assign to certain foods, and how chicken & waffles defy all those categories to be breakfast, lunch, and dinner all at the same time. So how do we as Christians go out and be the chicken & waffles of the earth,
33:52 - Evan introduces the concept of “Label vs Table,” which is to say that people can overcome labels more easily when we engage in a third party activity together. Sometimes training that’s meant to tear down harmful labels doesn’t work simply for lacking experiential elements.
38:00 - Michael shares how labelling gets in the way of multi-generational interaction at church, and the need for engaging activities to take place to break down those barriers.
39:27 - Where should we start if we’ve experienced pain from labeling? Usually, the labels we assign others are in response to labels others have given us, so usually the first step should be introspective.
45:02 - Lindsay shares something she learned from social work school, which is training ourselves to use labels as adjectives rather than nouns. Instead of calling someone a “drug addict,” we should refer to them as a person dealing with drug addiction.
48:07 - What opportunities do we have to use labels to pull people into the right identity? And how do we de-weaponize them so they don’t corrode our relationships with others?
51:33 - Closing thoughts
Do you ever feel like you’re the only one who’s lonely? Do you ever find yourself wanting more depth and meaning in your relationships? Well, today’s topic is loneliness, and those feelings might be common than you think. We’ll talk about the prevalence of loneliness in our society, the way it manifests in different life stages, what practical steps we can take to address loneliness, and how God’s truth of who we are brings us together. Michael and Lindsay both get candid about times in their lives they have experienced loneliness and Evan ponders how cool someone can look wandering around with a lunch tray.
September is Suicide Awareness Prevention Month, and we wanted to use this month as an opportunity to introduce this topic to our show. This episode is heavier than our normal conversations, but we hope you will find encouragement in the stories we share.
If you need immediate help or know someone who is in an emergency situation, we recommend calling the Suicide Prevention Hotline. That number to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
7:00 - Framing the discussion in Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, what clinicians and communities are doing to make sure they are having more conversations than ever before on this topic. According to the CDC, 11% of adults reported having contemplated suicide in their latest survey, which was double than last year’s. 30% of unpaid caregivers were thinking of suicide as well, along with 20% of essential workers.
10:10 - Can talking about suicide make it worse for others? Michael shares his experiences interacting with suicidal young people through campus ministry and Evan talks about the stigma he noticed others felt from dealing with suicidal ideation, even in high school.
18:00 - What are the warning signs and risk factors? Lindsay talks about the effectiveness of checking in, even if it’s only by text. Also, we discuss the spectrum of suicidal thoughts, and how someone’s placement on that spectrum necessitates different kinds of intervention and help. We go into detail about what each end of the spectrum looks like as well as what the warning signs are.
27:50 - How do we start conversations about suicide? How do we go about naming it? Also, how do we address our own internal narratives when we are experience these thoughts ourselves? Michael provides an alternate strategy to begin the conversation for someone else.
34:40 - What are the truths we can find in scripture? We’ll also discuss the ways the church hasn’t been helpful in fighting against suicide, which often comes as a result of not wanting to make matters worse. Lindsay talks about Psalms of lamentation and how they pertain to suicidal thoughts, and also we discuss the wrongful theology that suicide victims suffer damnation after they have passed.
42:40 - How do we remove the stigma of talking about suicide within the church? Michael gives us an excerpt from the United Methodist Church’s book of discipline that touches on this topic. Lindsay discusses option people have to see therapists, and how HIPAA laws protect your confidentiality.
53:00 - What kind of ongoing care needs to happen when someone we know has struggled with suicide or has lost someone? Lindsay describes the psychiatric treatments for both short-term and long-term scenarios.
1:03:00 - Closing thoughts.
Individuation (in·di·vid·u·a·tion) is the word used to describe when a person is differentiating themselves from their prior groups of association. In other words, it’s when a person decides to start deciding who they want to be. From people, to a person; soup to nuts…. is this making sense? We probably butchered this description but we guarantee you’ll understand what we’re talking about once you start listening. Individuation is probably not a word you’ve used often but you have experienced it. Michael, Lindsay and Evan will explore this topic and the many scenarios you’ve probably seen it played out in your own lives.
To reach out to us, you can find us on social media! We’re on Facebook as @theNotAlonePodcast and on Instagram as @thenotalonepod. Also, you can email us at notalone@foundrycreative.group
- 5:30 - Intro to Individuation
- 11:05 - How individuation often is revealed in moments of conflict. Michael shares his own experiences interacting with college students as they figure out their own identities as human beings.
- 17:50 - How individuation is played out when young adults are forming their own opinions in politics as well as their religious beliefs. These forms of self-exploration are important to our maturation process, but they often create conflict within our families or friend groups.
- 28:30 - How do, we as individuals, approach this experience?
- 31:00 - How do we bring up the ways we think the world is changing? How do we speak honestly and without fear? Michael shares insights on how our ongoing individuation can affect marriages and Lindsay describes the issues of helicopter-parenting.
- 39:40 - How to figure out our personal identity vs. the identity others have given us, and how to facilitate a healthy process of individuation that minimizes conflict.
- 42:10 - Thoughts on how to normalize the process of individuation so others feel safe. Also, how individuation is part of our own sanctification and learning of who God made us to be
- 47:45 - Is individuation a degradation of the principle of walking the narrow path as described by Jesus in Matthew 7?
- 59:45 - How do we begin our own individuation process if we feel led to start one? How can seeing a therapist or a pastor actually help you in your journey? Also, what are the benefits of solitude and meditation?
To be honest, we’re getting tired of talking about COVID-19, but our reluctance to do so hasn’t changed reality. Also, as the situation continues to evolve, it feels as if the finish line continues to run away from us. This week, we’ll be talking about what it’s like to see the goalposts move in this context but also how unmet expectations present themselves in our lives in the long run. Evan shares his fondness for cicadas, Lindsay is impressed with a vomit metaphor, and Michael expresses his hidden desire to be a country singer-songwriter.
If you got questions for us, let us hear them! You can email us at notalone@foundrycreative.group
- 3:00 - The comforting sound of cicadas in summer, plus some thoughts on the summer became totally different than everyone initially perceived, even at the onset of the pandemic.
- 3:45 - “Moving the goalposts” is given a loose, but working definition for this episode
- 6:15 - What the goalposts looked like at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, and where we are now. Is Halloween up in the air at this point?
- 9:05 - Lindsay gives us some of her insight working with others dealing with disappointment and moved goalposts in her work as a counselor.
- 11:45 - How anger is usually our primary emotion when it comes to unmet expectations
- 13:15 - How powerful it can be when we move past anger admit other emotions. Also, how gallows humor might seem like a substitute for anger, but it’s really accomplishing the same thing.
- 17:15 - Evan gives a colorful but effective illustration for prepping for disappointment by describing the sensation of vacating your bowels.
- 20:45 - The goalposts look to be continuously moving, and how the way we naturally process information isn’t helpful for current circumstances.
- 27:20 - How the pandemic is a microcosm of how goalposts are constantly moving in our lives all the time. MIchael talks about how goalposts are moved when married couples divorce or when families lose loved ones.
- 30:45 - Lindsay talks about the kinds of goalposts that are more typically held by women and what it looks like for those expectations to shift.
- 32:40 - Michael describes the teaching power of failure and how our society doesn’t value those lessons in the current climate.
- 35:45 - Evan talks about the difference between quantitative goals and qualitative goals.
- 38:00 - What lessons do we have to gain from the Old Testament plagues and how they compare to COVID-19? Michael makes an interesting observation about the presence of God with His people throughout all those events.
- 42:00 - A discussion on the psychology of prepping and hoarding. How certainty gives us the coveted feeling of control.
- 47:40 - The importance of checking-in and having community in managing the goalposts in our lives.
- 52:00 - How do we set our next set of goalposts in a healthier way? How can we learn what was meaningful about our past expectations?
Where did all these months go? If you’re like us, you probably thought we’d be out of the woods with COVID-19. Now that we’re in August, fatigue over the pandemic seems to be ramping up but also we are facing hard decisions about how our education systems should manage themselves going forward. Michael gets vulnerable discussing his own experiences during this time, Evan shares his frustrations over the friction surrounding decision making, and Lindsay talks about how to be empathetic in our decision making processes.
- 03:00 Evan vents about the present reality with COVID-19 and how narratives rule the discussion, and the complex pressures facing society in decisions on how deal with the pandemic. How does COVID-19 not have us leave us great options, and what’s the best way to move forward?
- 08:00 Lindsay details what it’s like face dilemmas on an emotional level, and how our bodies often try to work out our emotions for us.
- 10:00 Why friction exists in group decision-making, and what values and variables often play into that friction. How empathy can help us understand other people’s motivations and also not assume the worst about others.
- 15:00 Encouragement for those having to be in the room making decisions.
- 17:00 Michael talks about his personal experience and his family’s experience leading up to the return to school.
- 22:00 How the right decision might not be the same for others, plus how we can learn to change our decision over time with new information.
- 26:30 The human tendency to reconcile our past decisions with present circumstances, and the anxiety of wondering if we’re wrong. Evan talks about how many adults wish they could go back in time to change their majors in college over this anxiety.
- 30:00 Linsay discusses the difference between naming and owning our decisions, how we often weaponize bad decision (against ourselves and others), and how failure is best used as a learning tool rather than a punishment.
- 38:00 Lindsay talks about how regret over college major doesn’t really serve a purpose, and it doesn’t rule your destiny.
- 39:00 Why mental health is an issue that can be addressed from the pulpit, but why other topics (particularly political decisions) might not be. Evan raises the question of whether or not decisions about school in COVID warrant a greater tolerance of risk.
- 44:00 Are all decision life or death? The weight of all our decisions is explored.
- 46:00 Michael submits a modest proposal on how to navigate these decisions: list them out and externalize your process. Also, the importance of checking in with others.
- 51:00 Dealing with judgment, whether it’s when we judge others for their decisions or we fear being judged for our own. Michael and Evan discuss the judgment of God, how that affects believers, and the importance of knowing He is with us even in the midst of our bad decisions.
- 58:00 Michael gives us encouragement, thanks the listeners for your feedback.
Have you struggled with finding your personal limits? Or do you find you ever find yourself dealing with over-commitment? Well we hope you find today’s episode is for you. We’ll discuss the difference between respecting your capacity vs. being “lazy,” some intriguing discussion on the concept of sabbath, Lindsay shares about how the pandemic has affected her own personal threshold, and as always, continues to offer her services as a counselor to her co-hosts at the sweet rate of $FREE.99/hour.
We’re back, and we’re talking about compassion. The word means “to suffer together,” something a lot of people are being forced to learn in this time of pandemics and large-scale protesting. Lindsay introduces the concept of self-compassion; being able to understand our own individual sufferings and giving ourselves grace. Other interesting topics: can Christians glean wisdom and practices from other faith traditions? How do the ways we were treated as kids affect our own parenting strategies?
Our Social Media:
- Facebook (@theNotAlonePodcast)
- Instagram (@thenotalonepod)
Other Cool Websites:
- The UMComission (www.umcommission.org)
- Lindsay’s Counseling Services (https://www.seedsofhopecounselingllc.com)
- Resources on Self-Compassion from Dr. Kristin Neff discussed in the show (https://self-compassion.org)
We’re taking a pause from our normal programming to talk about racism; more specifically, what can we as individuals do to help make a better future for people of all ethnic backgrounds? Joining the show today is Dominique Johnson, a pastor and entrepreneur, to give us his insights as a person of color and his thoughts on how the church can help bridge the divide.
In this abbreviated episode, we’ll be introducing the topic of depression to our show. What is the difference between it and being sad? What are common triggers? Also, if you’re in ministry, how do you model your struggles with depression from the pulpit that is healthy and not just word-vomiting?
This week, we’ll be starting a discussion on anxiety; how to identify it, how to start a conversation with someone you might think be experiencing it, and how to be present for someone without trying to fix all their problems. We’ll also take a look at Philippians 4 and what it means to not be anxious from a theological perspective, plus Michael will divulge the real reason why vocational ministers drink so much coffee.
This week, we want to honor and congratulate our graduating high school seniors by bringing one on to our show! Elijah Shoaf and his mother, Kim, become our first guests on the pod as they discuss what it’s been like to finish high school during the pandemic, having a graduation ceremony from home, and what it’s been like to look ahead to the next season of life.
Tired of hearing other people explain why bad things happen? Are you feeling your own sense of control failing you as you deal with your grief? So are we. In this episode, we’ll talk about where that sense of control comes from, some theological discussion on why bad things happen, and the appropriate ways to comfort those that are suffering. Michael also talks about his current side gig selling indulgences and shares his feelings about receiving Dungeons and Dragons paraphernalia as gifts.
How do we cope with the existential disappointment of a pandemic which has flipped life upside down for all of us? This week, we begin a conversation on the experience of having expectations fall short of reality, and when they leave us feeling disappointed with God. Michael shares a personal moment from his own life where he dealt with these questions, Lindsay continues to expand our emotional intelligence, and Evan grapples with the disappointment of his own facial hair during quarantine. Also, some light discussion on doomsday prepping.
How do we teach college-aged people to seek help when the only model for mental health they’ve received is that adults just have it all together? Join us as we discuss how to draw the line between healthy modeling and “dumping” our emotions on others. Also covered in this episode are some observations our hosts have about the feelings wheel, how to expand our emotional vocabulary, and how the feelings wheel functions as a fashion statement when worn around the neck.
We are kicking off the podcast! Today we introduce ourselves, talk about how a worldwide pandemic might actually be the most important time to talk about mental health issues, and how to become aware of our emotional health. We'll also answer important questions such as, "when is the right time to get a dog?" (hint: it always is).