Audio Tidbits: Recent Episodes
Gary Crow
Communication is an essential skill set in today’s complex and fast-moving world, where there is too much information and misinformation. If you don’t communicate clearly and effectively, you risk being misinterpreted, overlooked, or even undermined by others. You may lose opportunities, clients, or credibility.But communication is not a single skill. Different situations need different styles, methods, and techniques. For example, how you communicate with your manager may differ from how you communicate with your colleagues, your staff, or your customers. How you communicate in a meeting may differ from how you communicate in an email, a phone call, or a presentation. How you communicate in a crisis may differ from how you communicate in a normal situation.To master the art of communication, you need to learn how to adjust your communication style to different situations and audiences, how to select the best medium and message for your goal, how to listen actively and empathetically, how to give and get feedback, how to deal with conflict and hard conversations, how to convince and motivate others, and how to communicate with confidence and professionalism.To communicate effectively in different situations, you need to pay attention to the following factors:Your goal: What do you want to achieve by communicating? Do you want to inform, persuade, motivate, inspire, or entertain? Your goal will shape your message, your tone, and your delivery method.Your audience: Who are you communicating with? What are their needs, interests, expectations, and preferences? How much do they know about the topic? How will they respond to your message? Your audience will determine your level of formality, your language choice, and your communication style.Your situation: What is the setting or environment in which you are communicating? How formal or informal is it? How urgent or important is it? How much time and space do you have? Your situation will influence your communication channel, your medium, and your format.For example, suppose you want to communicate a new policy change to your team. Depending on the factors above, you may choose different ways to communicate:If your goal is to inform your team of the details and reasons of the policy change, your audience is familiar with the topic and open to the change, and your situation is a regular team meeting, you may choose to communicate verbally in a clear and concise way, using examples and explanations to illustrate your points.If your goal is to persuade your team of the advantages and necessity of the policy change, your audience is doubtful or opposed to the change, and your situation is a written report, you may choose to communicate in a logical and persuasive way, using facts and evidence to back up your arguments, and addressing possible objections and concerns.If your goal is to motivate your team to carry out the policy change, your audience is diverse and varied in their knowledge and attitude, and your situation is a presentation, you may choose to communicate in an emotional and inspirational way, using stories and anecdotes to relate to your audience, and emphasizing the positive outcomes and rewards of the change.As you can see, communication is not a simple task, but a complex and dynamic process that requires careful planning, preparation, and execution. By mastering the art of communication, you can achieve your goals, build your relationships, and improve your results.
Communication Style One of the key factors that affects how you communicate is your communication style. Your communication style is the way you express yourself, interact with others, and behave in different situations. Your communication style reflects your personality, your preferences, and your emotions.
There are many ways to categorize communication styles, but one common model is based on four dimensions: assertiveness, responsiveness, structure, and openness. Assertiveness is how direct and confident you are in expressing your opinions and needs. Responsiveness is how attentive and empathetic you are to the feelings and reactions of others. Structure is how organized and detailed you are in presenting your information and arguments. Openness is how willing and comfortable you are in sharing your thoughts and feelings with others.
Based on these dimensions, there are four main communication styles: analytical, driver, amiable, and expressive.
Analytical communicators are high in structure and low in responsiveness. They prefer facts, data, and logic over emotions, opinions, and personal stories. They communicate in a clear, concise, and objective way, using precise language and numbers. They value accuracy, consistency, and reliability. They tend to be critical, rational, and cautious. They may come across as cold, distant, or aloof.
Driver communicators are high in assertiveness and low in openness. They prefer action, results, and solutions over discussions, explanations, and feedback. They communicate in a direct, confident, and decisive way, using strong language and commands. They value efficiency, productivity, and performance. They tend to be dominant, ambitious, and competitive. They may come across as aggressive, impatient, or insensitive.
Amiable communicators are high in responsiveness and low in assertiveness. They prefer relationships, cooperation, and harmony over conflict, competition, and confrontation. They communicate in a warm, friendly, and supportive way, using polite language and gestures. They value trust, rapport, and loyalty. They tend to be cooperative, agreeable, and accommodating. They may come across as timid, passive, or dependent.
Expressive communicators are high in openness and low in structure. They prefer creativity, enthusiasm, and excitement over routine, order, and rules. They communicate in a lively, colorful, and emotional way, using vivid language and stories. They value recognition, inspiration, and innovation. They tend to be spontaneous, optimistic, and adventurous. They may come across as impulsive, unrealistic, or dramatic.
By understanding your own and others’ communication styles, you can adapt your style to different situations and audiences, and improve your communication effectiveness. For example, if you are an analytical communicator and you want to communicate with an expressive communicator, you may need to add more emotions, opinions, and personal stories to your message, and use more expressive language and gestures. If you are an expressive communicator and you want to communicate with an analytical communicator, you may need to add more facts, data, and logic to your message, and use more precise language and numbers.
Communication is a vital skill for your career success. Communication is not just about sharing information, but also about building rapport, influencing others, and establishing trust. Communication can affect your reputation, your efficiency, and your outcomes.Conclusion
Communication is a vital skill in today’s world, but it is not a one-size-fits-all solution. To communicate effectively, you need to adapt your communication style to different situations and audiences, and choose the best medium and message for your goal. You also need to listen actively and empathetically, give and get feedback, deal with conflict and hard conversations, convince and motivate others, and communicate with confidence and professionalism. By mastering the art of communication, you can achieve your goals, build your relationships, and improve your results.
To improve your communication skills, you can start by assessing your own communication style and identifying your strengths and areas for improvement. You can also seek feedback from others and learn from their perspectives and experiences. You can practice your communication skills in various settings and scenarios, and observe how others communicate effectively. You can also read books, articles, or blogs on communication, or take courses or workshops to enhance your knowledge and skills.
Communication is a lifelong learning process that can enrich your personal and professional life. By following the tips and guidelines in this article, you can become a better communicator and a more successful leader. Don’t wait, start communicating more effectively today!
A Guide to Making the Right Decision — Learn how to weigh the pros and cons of leaving your current job and find out what factors to consider before making a move.
Why You Might Want to Quit Your Job There are many reasons why you might feel unhappy or dissatisfied with your current job. Maybe you are bored, stressed, underpaid, overworked, or unappreciated. Maybe you have a toxic boss, a hostile work environment, or a lack of career growth opportunities. Maybe you have a passion or a dream that you want to pursue outside of your current field. Whatever the reason, you might be tempted to quit your job and look for something better.
Why You Might Want to Stay in Your Job However, quitting your job is not always the best solution. There are also many benefits and advantages of staying in your current job, especially if you have a stable income, a good reputation, a supportive network, or a valuable skill set. Quitting your job might mean losing these benefits and facing new challenges, such as finding a new job, adjusting to a new work culture, learning new skills, or dealing with financial insecurity. Therefore, before you quit your job, you should consider the potential risks and consequences of leaving your current position.
– Do a SWOT analysis of your current job and potential alternatives. A SWOT analysis is a tool that helps you identify the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats of a situation. You can use it to evaluate your current job and compare it with other options. For example, you can list the advantages and disadvantages of staying or leaving, the possible outcomes and risks of each choice, and the factors that influence your decision.
– Make a list of your values, interests, and skills. Sometimes, quitting your job is not only a matter of money or satisfaction, but also a matter of alignment with your personal and professional goals. You can use a list of your values, interests, and skills to assess how well your current job matches your preferences and aspirations. For example, you can ask yourself questions like: What are the most important things for me in a job? What do I enjoy doing and what do I want to learn? What are my strengths and areas of improvement?
– Consider the timing and consequences of quitting your job. Quitting your job can have an impact on your financial situation, your career prospects, your relationships, and your health. Therefore, you should consider the timing and consequences of quitting your job before you make a final decision. For example, you can think about: How long will it take to find a new job? How will quitting affect my income, expenses, and savings? How will quitting affect my reputation, network, and references? How will quitting affect my family, friends, and colleagues? How will quitting affect my mental and physical well-being?
– Seek alternative solutions to quitting your job. Sometimes, quitting your job is not the only or the best option to improve your situation. There may be other ways to address the issues or problems that are making you unhappy or dissatisfied. Therefore, you should seek alternative solutions to quitting your job before you decide to leave. For example, you can try to: Change your attitude or perspective towards your job. Find ways to cope with stress, boredom, or frustration. Seek new challenges, responsibilities, or projects. Look for opportunities to grow, learn, or advance. Request a transfer, a relocation, or a sabbatical. Take a break, a vacation, or a leave of absence.
How to Decide Whether to Quit or Stay The decision to quit or stay in your job is a personal one that depends on your individual goals, values, and circumstances. However, there are some steps you can take to help you make a more informed and rational decision. Here are some tips to help you decide whether to quit or stay in your job:
•Make a list of the pros and cons of quitting and staying in your job. Be honest and realistic about the benefits and drawbacks of each option.
•Assess your financial situation and your career goals. How much savings do you have? How long can you afford to be without a job? What kind of job do you want to have next? How easy or hard will it be to find a new job in your desired field?
•Seek feedback and advice from trusted people, such as your family, friends, mentors, or colleagues. They might have a different perspective or insight that can help you see things more clearly.
•Explore your alternatives and opportunities. Do some research on the job market and the industry you are interested in. Look for job openings, network with people, or take some courses or workshops to enhance your skills and qualifications.
•Communicate with your employer and try to resolve any issues or problems that are making you unhappy. Maybe you can negotiate a raise, a promotion, a flexible schedule, or a different role. Maybe you can ask for more feedback, support, or recognition. Maybe you can find a mentor, a coach, or a counselor to help you cope with stress, burnout, or conflict.
Conclusion Quitting your job is a big decision that should not be taken lightly. It can have a significant impact on your personal and professional life. Therefore, before you quit your job, you should weigh the pros and cons of leaving and staying, assess your situation and goals, seek feedback and advice, explore your options, and communicate with your employer. By doing so, you can make a more confident and smart decision that will benefit you in the long run.
Have you ever given any thought to how guide dogs for the blind are trained? This episode of the podcast explains the four primary stages of the two-year process. It is audio only, so please press play and learn.
The Other Other Candidate is a political discussion with a twist that is best experienced. Just press play and listen.
Are you Nice to yourself? It’s not as simple as you might think. In this short Audio Tidbits Podcast, you are asked thirteen questions that may help you answer the “Are you nice to yourself?” question. You matter and how you answer the questions matters.
The Aliens Amongst Us are reporting back to their home planet. As you will hear, they simply used the Aliens Amongst Us feed and transmission facilities without a please or thank you. They are certainly moving in and making themselves to home. The title above says it all when it comes to what they find important enough to report back to their home planet. You can listen for yourself. If I sound a little miffed, you have hit the nail on its head.
This is just a quick post to let you know that it has turned out just as the Aliens Amongst Us said it would. They have captured the Aliens Amongst Us feed and are using it whenever they choose. Please listen and hear for yourself.
The Aliens Amongst Us are once more reporting back to their home planet and their leader in the capital city is on the job. They are reporting on the killer in Nevada, the devastation in Porto Rico, debt and taxes, fake news, and on the amazing job their leader in the capital city is doing for them and their associates back on their home planet. This is your opportunity to listen and catch up.
The Aliens Amongst Us are using the AAU feed for their own purposes. They want to be sure that all humans are subscribing to the Aliens Amongst Us feed and know they can subscribe directly from their podcatcher or on Apple Podcast (iTunes) or Google Play. They don’t mention that anyone can also subscribe on AliensAmongstUs.com.
They quickly connect to their home planet and share their most recent experiences and observations. In this transmission, they focus on the Presidents talk to the United Nations, the conflict with North Korea, the lack of progress with the plan to repeal Obamacare, the hurricane in Porto Rico, and the controversy around the players not standing for the National Anthem. They also see it as unlikely that humans will be visiting their home planet unless they transport some humans back to their planet. They express their view on the likelihood of that. Please listen and get caught up on the Aliens Amongst Us and their activities.
It is easy to start analyzing ourselves and others in our groups and organizations and to take what happens personally. A better way to look at what goes on is to understand that people grow into certain roles or styles and are usually just being whomever they are out of habit or just because that is the way their personalities are. They are just being TATORS. If we are able to understand this and accept them for the TATOR they are, we will be a lot more comfortable.
Which tator are you?
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Agitator: Ajy likes to keep things stirred up, find fault, criticize, and make things seem worse than they really are.
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Anitator: Anny likes to have the last word, always “gets his/her two cents worth in,” and always has an opinion on everything and likes to show others that he/she knows more than everyone else.
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Commentator: Common likes to be sure that everyone knows everything that is going on, is in charge of gossip and “tattling,” and seems to talk all the time even if no one wants to listen or if everyone already knew about what is being said.
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Dictator: Dick likes to take charge, boss everyone around, be the one who makes all the decisions, and generally be in charge of everything whether or not it is his/her business or responsibility.
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Gravitator: Gravi is pretty much of a “couch potato,” always hanging around and there when others want a little privacy, and always seems to be too tired to help out, do things, or get out of the way.
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Hesitator: Hezy can never decide, always waits to see what someone else’s opinion is and then uses that one, is very unsure of himself/herself, goes out of the way not to offend anyone or get anyone upset, and thinks that if he/she can please everyone all the time things will be okay.
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Levitator: Leva thinks he/she is just a little better than everyone else, is sort of above it all most of the time, seems like he/she is looking down the nose at others, and feels pretty much superior to everyone else.
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Meditator: Meda seems to take forever to do things because he/she has to think everything over very carefully before doing something, never wants to do anything quickly or on the spur of the moment because anything worth doing is worth thinking through carefully, and is usually hard to talk with because everything has to be analyzed and discussed in great detail.
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Militator: Milla is always on guard and ready to go to war, will argue with anyone about anything anytime, never gives an inch, and is ready to stand his/her ground with anyone who tries to take advantage or confront him/her.
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Precipitator: Precipi is one of those TATORS that is able to get other people into arguments and then walk away, say or do things that get others upset and then pretend like he/she is totally innocent, and seems to get things messed up or stirred up without seeming to have started it or without seeming to have been involved.
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Spectator: Spec likes to stay on the sidelines and not really get involved, simply watch or listen without really participating, and just stays to himself/herself because that seems like the safest way of just getting by without getting involved.
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Facilitator: Facili does not mind being out of alphabetical order because his/her job is to be helpful, to do things for other people, to be there when others need him/her, and to stay away from things that have to do with accepting responsibility, showing leadership, or running the risk of being blamed for what is done or how things turn out.
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Baby Sweetator: Baby Sweet is the kind of TATOR that is always happy and cheerful no matter what, is too nice for anyone to get upset with even if he/she does something that they should get upset about, cries or has his/her feelings hurt very easily, and tries to get special treatment just because he/she is so sweet, innocent, and not really responsible for anything that happens that is bad or causes problems for others.
The Aliens Amongst Us are coming out of the shadows. What’s more, they have high jacked the Aliens Amongst Us audio feed just as they told us they were going to do. Intercept1 is part of the conversation but clearly did not initiate this episode on our feed. It’s obvious that we have lost any control of the feed.
I think you should listen to see what the Aliens Amongst Us are up to when they are in charge. The conversation gets pretty pointed, especially when the focus shifts to the President and people in Congress. I can’t tell who is human and who is alien. Maybe you will be more discriminating than I am.
Do you recall when you were young and the leaders among you picked and chose when choosing sides in a game? Some kids were chosen first and a few were usually last to be chosen. If the number of players on each team was limited, some children didn’t make the cut at all.
Things have not changed all that much since those days. Making or not making the cut still applies at work, in clubs or other organizations, when dating, anywhere teams are the order of the day, with who is and who is not seen as a friend, and on and on.
In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast, I share six tips for making the cut. Please listen and consider using the tips whenever making the cut is important to you.
Hey folks, the Aliens Amongst Us are once more reporting back to their home planet. In this transmission they are giving primary attention to the recent tweets of their leader in the capital city. Listen in to hear what they are finding most interesting.
Have you wondered why some people succeed while others do not, why some people make success look easy and others struggle? It’s the secret sauce. Please listen to see if you have the secret sauce it takes to succeed.
Hey folks, The situation with the Aliens Amongst Us just keeps getting stranger and stranger. I am starting to think that the Aliens Amongst Us are monitoring all of our communications and even casual interactions among us. I have just intercepted a transmission from the Aliens Amongst Us back to their home planet. In this transmission they have captured a simple conversation between two of my friends as they explored a situation down by the lake. Here is Justin’s reaction to the capture of his conversation with Ivy. “I thought I had heard strange voices one day when I was walking around the lake. I went back with my friend Ivy so she could hear it too. Along with hearing the voices, we had an encounter with a person who claimed to be an actual alien. I told him he was being silly but I wonder. I don’t know how they captured our conversation.” Here is the transmission just as I intercepted it. Well folks, there it is. Was it actually the Aliens Amongst Us or just someone being silly? I think you know what I think but you will need to judge for yourself. Until the next time, be safe, be well and be ever vigilant for signs of the Aliens Amongst Us.
Intercept1 has a quick alien hit for you. He was just out and about, relaxing at his favorite watering spot and was ever alert as he always advises us to be. The conversation at the next table was a slight bit shocking. He thinks he has detected the Aliens Amongst Us in the wild, so to speak. It’s a quick listen so please give it a turn at capturing your attention. If it is what Intercept1 thinks it is, the Alien incursion is getting closer than we thought. We may find ourselves having a drink with one of them very soon.
Hey folks, there has been an alarming development. The Aliens Amongst Us have tipped to what I have been up to. They have detected that I have been intercepting their transmissions and what's even more alarming, they have figured out that I have been sending them out to you on the AliensAmongstUs.com feed. Even worse, they claim to be able to highjack the AliensAmongstUs.com RSS feed and broadcast their own messages whenever they choose to do that. So far, I only have what they say as reason to believe that they can take over the feed but I certainly suspect they can. What's more, I think there is little doubt that they will start broadcasting sooner or later and probably sooner. We can only be ready for what comes. For now, here is the alarming transmission that causes me so much concern. Please listen carefully and draw your own conclusions.
There is a fairly simple principle that most of us know but frequently don’t follow. When we are not getting to where we were headed, continuing in the same direction probably won’t get us there. If how we have been trying to succeed is not leading to success, doubling down on the same strategy likely will not result in eventual success. I know, you already knew that. I knew it too but still find myself using the same approaches that haven’t worked in the past with children, co-workers and in other situations where the success of others is important to me and to them. It is frustrating but actually not surprising that those approaches still don’t work. In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast I spend a few minutes thinking about this peculiar behavior and suggest steps to get beyond staying stuck in ways of relating to and working with people that haven’t worked and are unlikely to work any time soon. Please listen and see if there is a point or two there that you may find useful.
Hey folks, I sure don't understand how this transmission appeared on our feed. I would like to tell you that I cleverly intercepted it but I didn't. It just suddenly came across without me doing anything. Please be alerted that you may start getting the transmissions from the aliens amongst us without me doing anything or maybe not even knowing there is a transmission. I fear that the aliens amongst us are capturing our feed. Please stand by. For now, here is the mystery transmission. The Aliens amongst us are returning.
Children: “I love America more than any other country in this world; and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.” These words from James Baldwin may capture the essence of being a responsible American. Adlai Stevenson added to this essence when he said, “When an American says that he loves his country, he means not only that he loves the New England hills, the prairies glistening in the sun, the wide and rising plains, the great mountains, and the sea. He means that he loves an inner air, an inner light in which freedom lives and in which a man can draw the breath of self-respect.” “How often we fail to realize our good fortune in living in a country where happiness is more than a lack of tragedy.”
As President Clinton observed, “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.” “What we need are critical lovers of America – patriots who express their faith in their country by working to improve it.” We can start this work by focusing on the wisdom of Walter Lippmann, “We are quite rich enough to defend ourselves, whatever the cost. We must now learn that we are quite rich enough to educate ourselves as we need to be educated;” and that education must include all of our children, as they need to be educated. Only educating most of our children is not nearly good enough, especially if you are the child who is still being left behind.
Angels: “If a man is not rising upwards to be an angel, depend upon it, he is sinking downwards to be a devil.” What do you think about this pronouncement from Samuel Taylor Coleridge?
If you are skeptical about this angel thing, consider what George Elliot said, “The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.”
OK, you may still see nothing but sand and are too busy to rise upwards to be an angel. Besides, you’ve never seen an angel and doubt if anyone else has either. Well, it’s just like James Russell Lowell said, “All God’s angels come to us disguised.”
Voltaire added, “It is not known precisely where angels dwell – whether in the air, the void, or the planets. It has not been God’s pleasure that we should be informed of their abode.”
Nonetheless, “Angels descending, bring from above, echoes of mercy, whispers of love.”
It’s like Jean Paul Richter told us, “The guardian angels of life fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down upon us.”
“O welcome, pure-eyed Faith, white-handed Hope, Thou hovering angel, girt with golden wings!”
Anger: There is a French Proverb that says, “Anger is a bad counselor.” Although anger compels you to action, it’s like Benjamin Franklin warned, “Anger and folly walk cheek by jowl.” Will Rogers put it this way, “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing;” and Robert G. Ingersoll like this, “Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.”
Should a Korean Proverb be more your style, try this one, “If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot.” Wherever in the world you seek your wisdom, indulging in anger is a major no-no. Even Horace gave it a thumbs-down, “Anger is short-lived madness.” Ambrose Bierce said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
OK, go ahead and lose your temper if you must; but at least take a quick count to 10 as you “consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.”
A Tapestry of Life
In the last episode of Audio Tidbits, I discussed Noveling: The New Self-Help. My point was that most of our personal and interpersonal issues are due to mismatches between our roles and the characters we play in the ongoing novel of our lives. Experiences like depression, stress, anxiety and so on are little more than our minds and bodies telling us that there is one or more mismatches. The problem is not us. Rather it is being in the wrong role or needing to play the wrong character in our story. I suggest you revisit that episode for more detail; but I am continuing the exploration of noveling here.
I asked AI to consider Noveling as an alternative to the usual psychological approach to understanding our life stories and how we are or are not coping. That is what I am sharing with you in this episode of Audio Tidbits: An AI take on Noveling in three chapters. Let’s consider the expanded perspective together.
Chapter 1: The Novel of Life Gary (That would be me.) was a man of wisdom and experience, an 80-year-old PhD who had spent his life immersed in the intricacies of human behavior. He had worked in mental health, family services, relationships, management, and leadership, gaining a deep understanding of the complexities of the human mind and heart.
One day, as Gary sat in his study surrounded by books and papers, he had a revelation that changed his perspective on life forever. He had always seen life as a novel, with characters, scenes, and action unfolding over time. But he realized that the psychological issues people faced – anxiety, depression, frustration – were often a result of a mismatch between their character and role in any given scene.
Gary pondered this idea for days, turning it over in his mind like a puzzle waiting to be solved. He began to see how our interactions with others were like the plot twists in a novel, shaping and changing our characters in unforeseen ways. And he understood that we could not change our character role without affecting the other characters in our story, sometimes in ways we could not predict.
It was a revelation that broke the stalemate in Gary’s mind, opening up a new way of understanding the world and the people in it. He saw that life was not just a series of individual stories, but a vast interconnected novel where each character played a crucial role in the unfolding narrative.
As Gary delved deeper into this new insight, he began to see the patterns and connections that bound us all together. He saw how our perceptions and beliefs shaped our actions and interactions, creating a web of relationships that spanned time and space.
Gary shared his newfound wisdom with those around him, sparking conversations and debates that challenged the way people thought about themselves and others. He listened to their stories, absorbing the nuances and complexities of their lives, and he offered his guidance and support with a gentle hand and a kind heart.
And as Gary continued on his journey of discovery, he realized that the novel of life was not just a story to be told, but a tapestry to be woven together with love, compassion, and understanding. And he knew that he had only just begun to scratch the surface of the intricate and beautiful tale that lay before him.
Chapter 2: The Journey Begins Gary sat in his study, deep in thought, trying to piece together his revelation from the night before. The idea that life was like a novel was not a new concept, but the realization that there was a deeper way to understand it had struck him like a bolt of lightning.
He decided to reach out to his old friend, Dr. Helen Richards, a renowned psychologist, to discuss his newfound insight. Dr. Richards was intrigued by Gary’s revelation and agreed to meet with him at a local coffee shop the following day.
As they sat down with their cups of coffee, Gary began to explain his theory in more detail. He told Dr. Richards about the mismatch between character and role in the novel of life, and how it led to psychological issues such as anxiety and depression.
Dr. Richards listened intently, nodding in agreement as Gary spoke. She added her own insights into human behavior and how people interact with one another, building upon Gary’s foundation.
Together, they delved deeper into the idea of the novel analogy, exploring how each character’s actions affected the storyline as a whole. They discussed how changing one’s character role could have ripple effects on the other characters in the story, sometimes in predictable ways and other times in unexpected ways.
As the conversation continued, Gary and Dr. Richards began to develop a framework for understanding human behavior within the context of the novel analogy. They outlined different strategies for navigating relationships, managing emotions, and finding one’s place in the overarching story of life.
By the time they finished their coffee, Gary felt a renewed sense of purpose and excitement. He knew that this journey into the depths of human behavior would not be easy, but he was ready to face the challenges head-on.
Chapter 3: Unraveling the Layers Over the following weeks, Gary and Dr. Richards continued to meet regularly to further explore their newfound understanding of human behavior within the framework of the novel analogy. They delved into the complexities of character development, the intricacies of plot lines, and the nuances of dialogue.
One day, while discussing the concept of conflict in the story of life, Gary had a breakthrough. He realized that much like in a novel, conflict was essential for character growth and plot progression. Without conflict, there would be no resolution, no character development, and no story to tell.
Dr. Richards added her own insights, explaining how different characters reacted to conflict in various ways based on their unique personalities and backgrounds. She pointed out that some characters thrived in the face of adversity, while others crumbled under the pressure.
As they continued their discussions, Gary and Dr. Richards also explored the idea of supporting characters in the novel of life. They discussed how supporting characters played crucial roles in shaping the main character’s journey, providing guidance, companionship, and challenges along the way.
One evening, as they sat in Gary’s study, surrounded by stacks of books and notes, Gary had another epiphany. He realized that just as in a novel, the story of life was not written in stone. Characters had the power to shape their own destinies, to rewrite their narratives, and to create new plot twists.
Dr. Richards smiled, recognizing the wisdom in Gary’s words.
She knew that their journey into the depths of human behavior was far from over, but she also knew that they had uncovered something truly profound.
As they wrapped up their discussion for the evening, Gary felt a sense of peace wash over him. He understood that while life may be like a novel, it was also a story that was constantly evolving, with endless possibilities and endless potential for growth.
Postscript If you are thinking that AI got a little carried away with the drama, I agree. Even so, I think it did expand the Noveling approach to behavior and adjustment some. In the chapters, it’s easy to see that what might pass as psychological and interpersonal issues are better understood as mismatches between role and character in our life stories. Even better is that we each have the opportunity to take some control of those roles and characters. We need not passively accept our role or the characters we have been playing. We have an author role in our story and a degree of responsibility to be proactive writers.
For now, be well, do well, and get busy as the most important author of your future.
Let’s dive into the fascinating world of noveling, the cutting-edge self-help tool that’s redefining the way we cope with life’s challenges. Imagine having a personal guide, a kind of narrative compass, that helps us navigate the intricate stories of our life. That’s what noveling is all about.
At the heart of noveling is the understanding that our lives are woven from countless stories —stories of triumph, struggle, joy, and heartache. These narratives shape our perceptions and, in many ways, dictate how we confront obstacles. But here’s the twist: sometimes, the very stories we tell ourselves can become barriers, preventing us from seeing the full spectrum of possibilities and solutions at our disposal.
noveling steps in as a transformitive tool by helping us to unravel these complex narratives. It’s like having a mirror that reflects not just our outer selves but the inner tapestry of our thoughts and emotions. By engaging through noveling, we start to see the underlying patterns and “rules” that govern our stories. These aren’t just arbitrary guidelines; they’re the principles and beliefs that underpin our actions and reactions.
Think of it as being handed the pen in the story of our life. noveling empowers us to question, “Why am I reacting this way? What plot twists have led me here?” It’s about recognizing that, while we can’t always control the storyline, we have the power to shape our character’s journey.
What’s truly revolutionary about noveling is its role in mental wellness and self-improvement. In a world where traditional coping mechanisms can sometimes fall short, noveling offers a refreshing, narrative-based approach to self-help. It encourages us to become active authors of our stories, rather than passive characters swept along by the plot. In embracing noveling, we learn to navigate our lives with a new sense of agency and purpose, understanding that every challenge is an opportunity for character development and every setback, a plot twist leading to new growth.
We don’t have just one story. We are the product of many stories. Along with shifting from story to story over time, we have participated in many stories at the same time in days gone by and have key roles in multiple stories today. Our stories mostly blend and mix more or less smoothly but occasionally clash and become incompatible.
If things are not going well for us, let’s stop with the something is wrong with us notion. Although we perform well most of the time, in most of our stories, sometimes a story and our role in it is just not working for us. That should not be interpreted as something wrong with us. Right now, it is little more than being in a story we would do better not to be in, having a role that isn’t working for us, or not understanding the role well enough to pull it off.
An element constrains our ability to quickly resolve issues with one or more of our stories and our roles in them. Our stories are not all separate and distinct. We can’t always make changes with respect to this or that story without causing unwanted or unintended disruption to others of our stories. We don’t need to fix us or fix someone else in our story. Help for us comes in terms of changing or rewriting our stories on the one hand or changing or rewriting our roles on the other. Either would be relatively easy were it not that we aren’t the only people in our stories and we usually can’t change or rewrite one of our stories without affecting other stories – ours and those of other people in our stories.
The story of noveling will be continued in future posts and episodes. For now, give some thinking time to any of your stories that are not working for you and to the story’s plot line and your roll. What is the issue with one or both elements causing the story not to work for you. Just keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you. The problem is with the story line or your role. Help will come with rewriting or recasting the story, not with “fixing” you or anyone else.
The podcast team has three special segments for you in this episode. You hear about annoying people while waiting on a place to park, the missing muse that might not have been missing, and the mystery of modern day magic. Please listen and enjoy.
Do you think optimism and pessimism are a choice we all can and do make? It’s our world and how we look at it are up to us? Would it were true. Listen and decide for yourself.
Who drives you up the wall? The frustration factor comes up for all of us now and then. Mainliners are among the most frustrating of the frustrating elite. Listen and learn how to deal with the mainliners of the world.
The Truth About People:All people at all times have needs, problems, and vulnerabilities beyond their individual capacity to cope. That applies to me and applies to you. Fortunately, many if not most people are more or less self-sufficient. They have the means and resources to assure that their needs are met. They can normally resolve their problems. They can manage their vulnerabilities. Even so, they still require services and resources controlled by others.
Of course, the ability of people to manage, to cope with their reality, varies a lot depending where in the world they are and on local circumstances. Some of us are far better off than others of us. And therein lies the question. What level of responsibility do any of us have to provide for those of us who are unable to manage, unable to individually cope with our reality?
This same truism operates at levels beyond individual people. It’s a fact of life for families, organizations, and communities. It’s true for business from one-person enterprises to international corporations. It is a daily reality for governments from home owner associations to nations. At the most fundamental level, the inability to go it alone is the reason why these social, economic, and political constructs exist. The value of collective support, effort, and participation generally exceeds the value of the associated loss of autonomy and personal independence.
The Issue:For many reasons and myriad circumstances, Some people and groups of people acquire and control significantly more resources and opportunities than other people. Concurrently, for equally numerous reasons and circumstances, some people neither acquire nor control adequate resources to successfully manage and cope with their reality. Just as this inequity applies to individuals, it also applies to families, communities, businesses, regions, and nations. This fundamental disparity prompts several questions that need answers from each of us, from each community, from each business, from each government, from each nation.
• What limits if any should there be on the level or amount of resources and control any one individual, family, community, business, organization, or government may possess?
• What if any rules or restrictions should be imposed on any one individual, family, community, business, organization, or government?
• What responsibility do individuals, families, communities, businesses, groups, networks, or other entities have to share their resources and control with entities outside their immediate domains?
• What authority or power should any government have to restrict, regulate, seize, or enhance the resources or control of people or entities within its jurisdictions?
• What responsibility if any does government have to protect people and other entities within its jurisdiction from risks and jeopardies within that jurisdiction – from outside that jurisdiction?
• What responsibility if any does government have to compensate for the inability of people and other entities within its jurisdiction to successfully cope with or manage their needs, problems, and vulnerabilities?
• What rights and entitlements do people and other entities have that cannot be limited, restricted, or interfered with through government action or inaction?
Policy and Politics:The answers to these questions are policy and the process of answering these questions is politics.
Regardless of how rational and orderly governance and politics are in principle, they are not exempt from the forces and proclivities present within other entities including families, communities, businesses, other organizations, and among people more generally. Resources and control do not distribute evenly. Some politicians gain more resources and control than others. Some are more successful accruing power and influence than others. Some more successfully sustain their political careers than others. Whether focusing on local boards or councils or on state or federal legislatures, the result is the same. A few politicians have outsized authority, others have minimal influence, and others merely pick a side on questions and issues and go along to get along.
Turn attention back to the seven earlier questions. At one extreme, the first six questions could get an emphatic “NONE.” In that case, the last question would likely get an equally emphatic “COMPLETE AND UNLIMITED.” No one has responsibility for anyone else and government has no right to interfere with what people want and do. What is usually called the “conservative” position is much more nuanced than that but does lean in that direction.
At the opposite extreme, the first six questions could get an emphatic “A LOT,” while the seventh question would likely get an emphatic “SOME BUT LIMITED.” There should be regulation and restriction on some personal and business activity, limits on the resources and control of most entities, and support and compensation for people and other entities unable to manage and cope with their needs, problems, and vulnerabilities. What is usually called the “liberal” position is much more nuanced than that but does lean in that direction.
The hope is that the two extremes will meet through negotiation and compromise somewhere near the middle and government will serve its intended purpose: protecting the safety and success of its citizens. Contrary to most of the popular media and most political pundits, Governments at all levels within the United States and likely in most other national jurisdictions are mostly successful with some remarkable exceptions. In those exceptions, there is generally no government present in the sense discussed here.
If one disagrees that most governments are at least moderately successful, the points of disagreement likely cluster around the seven earlier questions. They believe that current policy is turning the relevant response to one or more of the questions in the wrong direction. Much over-simplified, they believe that things are turning too conservative or too liberal. Nonetheless, government is working for most but by no means for all. From either perspective, the community, the state, the country is headed down the road to disaster. Of course, disaster is possible but has been possible for well over two hundred years. It is not something new. Alternatively, it is no more likely than it has been in the past and less likely than at several times in the past. Government and governance is still working.
Just Something to Consider:Returning to an earlier point, political power and control are not evenly distributed either within a single political entity or between entities. A few individuals with outsized influence and control have a disproportionate ability to direct the outcome of political processes. Their conservative or liberal preferences can shift political outcomes more to an extreme than would be the case if outcomes were simply an average of the preferences of the likeminded members of the specific political entity. If all members had equal influence and power, political outcomes would be less extreme.
Focus back on the seven questions. It seems unlikely that most people would not be equally conservative or liberal on all seven questions. Rather, they would lean toward one or the other on some of the questions and less so or perhaps in the opposite direction for others. The net outcome would tend toward the middle. Is this middle perspective reflected in the people who represent them in the political entity? Probably. Are the political outcomes reflective of this middle preference? Almost never. Legislative and other political outcomes are usually significantly more conservative or more liberal than most people would prefer. Of course some people will see them as not conservative or liberal enough, but most people will see them as too far from the middle.
An Unexpected Conclusion:There is no objective truth for any of the earlier seven questions. Answering any of the questions is and only can be based on the values, beliefs, and opinions of the individual proposing an answer. This would not be an issue if civil discourse could lead to consensus action. This is the outcome that should be common if political governance operated as most people have been taught. As seen above though, it does not.
“A few individuals with outsized influence and control have a disproportionate ability to direct the outcome of political processes.” Setting aside the question of who controls the few “individuals with outsized influence and control,” these few leaders have a high vested interest in containing and maintaining their privileged positions. Part of perpetuating their leadership is being as visible as they can, presenting themselves as the personification of conservative or liberal, and – here is the hidden strategy – defending their positions by preventing anyone from usurping their status and positions.
Also setting aside gerrymandering (See Ohio), Three defensive strategies are typical. First, boxing out anyone in the legislative body who disagrees with them. Second, endorsing people who seek to join the political entity. The endorsement is less because of the person’s support of likeminded issues and actions and more because of expected support of the endorsers’ continuing leadership. Third, attacking anyone who seeks political membership. The most typical attack is to characterize the would be member as a dishonest or corrupt person or “Not one of us.” Endorsement means the person is one of us and not endorsing means the person is not and cannot be on our team with the endorser the uncontested leader.
Now focus on the people choosing who gets to join the political entity, on the voter. Why vote for one person and not for another? One might think that it may hinge on how the voter thinks the politician answers the seven questions raised earlier, on the issues. Would that this were generally true but it is not. At lower or less visible levels of government, people are not familiar with most of the people seeking those positions. For example, a minority of voters know the names of more than one or two judges if any in their state and have no idea about how they would answer any of the seven questions. For the few politicians with whom they are familiar, they know little specifics about their positions on issues or the seven questions. What they do know is which team politicians are on and who is its leader.
Here Is the Point:Politics and political leadership – at least in the United States and likely most everywhere else – is not much more than a high stakes team sport with winners and losers, fans and players, head coaches and critics; and definitely not a game for gentlemen or gentlewomen.
I, as is likely the case for you, am but a mere fan, hoping that my team wins. I hear what they say as they seek my vote, but do not know what they really think about the seven questions or how they will act when decision time comes. I think my team leader is brilliant and your team’s leader is probably stupid. Even so, I am just hoping that if your team wins, we are not taken down the road to disaster.
Be well, do well, and while you are cheering on your team, take the time to do something nice for someone. They will appreciate it and you both will have a better day.
In this episode of the Leadership Shop Podcast, the series on adaptive leadership continues. Being organized is the first element discussed. This is followed by attention to the importance of timeliness which is followed by one of the key elements in adaptive leadership. Adaptive leaders are never slow to pitch in and do what needs done. Please listen as you enjoy this continuing series.
Do I have a deal for you. If you’re like me, you are usually on your best behavior, trying to get along, trying to work things out in an environment that is frequently not nearly as considerate as you. It’s enough to make you pull out your hair, if you still have any left from the last time your supervisor came close to driving you to drink.
Would you like some techniques and strategies for rocking that boat, for just giving up on all that counting to ten and holding your breath? The Audio Tidbits podcast team has been there too and is here for you with just the advice you have been looking for. We aren’t quite ready to encourage you to take the tips seriously but they are here for you the next time you have had it, as they say who are at the end of their rope when it comes to patience and making nice.
Please press play, listen and then use your best judgement, if you have any judgement left after having to put up with those people.
In the short-term, “fun” usually does not matter much. You spend time with this or that person and give little thought to it one way or the other. You certainly notice people who are particularly pleasant or especially abrasive; but most people are merely there, doing whatever they do, being whomever they are. In these relationships, you take care not to be unpleasant or abrasive yourself; but “fun” is not a high priority. For the long-haul, though, fun matters. …
Maryanne Mitchell is the office manager for the Koch, James and Hightower law firm. She is meeting with Martin Koch. It is not unusual for Martin to ask her to stop by, but still she gets up tight and nervous whenever he does.
“I am just a born pessimist,” she frets to herself, waiting for Martin to start.
He gets immediately down to business. “We seem to have some problems, Maryanne. Generally, things are going smoothly. The snag seems to be with some of the typing and some of the filing along with the billing. What do you think you can do to clean things up a little?”
Maryanne sighs but does not respond.
“What do you think? Is there any hope for it, Maryanne?” Martin asks, trying to relax the discussion.
Finally, the office manager says, “I’m worn out from trying. It is exhausting, trying everything there is to try and people are still not satisfied. I will try to straighten it out, but don’t have much hope.”
Martin leans toward Maryanne and says, “Maryanne, to tell you the truth, I’m beginning to get some heat about you, about your performance. There is some question about whether you can handle things anymore with the computers and all. I don’t know. I think you can do it, but you need to tell me what has to happen to get things straightened up.”
Maryanne sits motionless, not saying anything until Martin settles back to outwait her. In a small voice, she reluctantly says, “You’ll have to decide for yourself about me. I am working as hard as I can. I’ve given this firm all I have. Things are a mess around here. I’m a nervous wreck from trying to straighten out everything that goes wrong. Everyone thinks it’s all my fault. I’m just one person and can’t do it all. Even you think it is all me, now.”
Maryanne plays bummed out to perfection. Her main strategy is to get Martin to feel sorry for her.
●”I am worn out from trying”
●”It is exhausting, trying everything there is to try and people are still not satisfied”
●”I have given this firm all I have”
●”I am just one person”
●”Even you think it is all me, now”
Let Martin get tough with Maryanne and then give him a guilt check. On a scale from one to ten, he will register at least eight or nine. Maryanne is counting on it.
As an aside, you occasionally see an interesting variation on the theme. The bummed out player makes an alliance with several other players. As a bummed out diad or triad or whatever, the crew supports each other’s bummed out patterns. People who play together survive together. They usually describe their shared condition as being burned-out or perhaps demoralized.
Managing Bummed Out Players:
When bummed out is the game, the player neither values nor expects job success. Should it come, it is only serendipity. His personal priority is being protected and being forgiven – in advance – if things go badly. It is this guarantee of immunity that the player works for.
Going at it with a skilled bummed out player is exhausting but is not particularly difficult. Consider first what the dynamics of the play are. The bummed out player is using the technique to avoid responsibility, to get others to back off, and to avoid work or pressure. In a child, the pattern would be called pouting.
It will do little good to talk with the bummed out player about his behavior, but it cannot hurt. At least talking about the problem puts the player on notice that he will not be successful playing the game with you. Whether you talk to the player or not, there are several steps that will be effective over time.
First, simply out wait him. Bring up a problem or issue of concern and then wait for a response other than “bummed out.” If necessary, say, “I hear all that. My concern is. . .. I’m waiting for your response to the problem.” Patiently go back again and again until an appropriate response comes.
If this does not work, say, “I can see you are not going to deal with this, and I do not have time to play your game. Have your response to me in writing in two hours.”
The idea is first to respond only to positive and productive behavior. Next, set things up so such behavior is expected and required. At first, the player will likely not follow through or do what you expect. When this happens, it is time to say, “I expected you would handle this. It seems to me you are either unwilling or unable to deal with these kinds of things. Since it is important, I’m going to take some other action to be sure it gets done. It’s too bad you are unable to handle your job. We will need to talk about that soon.” Do what needs to be done to get the job done. Even the most dyed-in-the-wool bummed out player is likely to do the job himself the next time.
Now you know and there you go.
The Audio Tidbits Podcast team has collected a series of tidbits incorporating the world’s best advice. These life gems are packaged in six episodes that we are sharing with you in the hope that you adopt them as elements in your personal style as you continue to make a difference to people who make a difference to you. This edition of the Audio Tidbits Podcast shares one of those six episodes for your enjoyment and consideration.
In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast, Peter shares his perspective on character and virtue. Our choice boils down to a commitment to doing right or to doing wrong. As Peter concludes, when you get down to it, it’s not much of a choice. The key is consistently sticking to our choice. Please listen and see if you come to the same conclusion. I think you will.
Rod has intercepted another transmission by the aliens among us back to their home planet. They find our system of countries rather strange and report about what they call pods and sub pods. They also report on what they see as the world's ongoing war and how nations and groups war over power, control and exchange tokens. They also continue to update the folks at home about their leader who has infiltrated the power elite in the capital city. This report is interesting and very frightening. Listen and come to your own conclusion.
The Audio Tidbits Podcast team has collected a series of tidbits incorporating the world’s best advice. These life gems are packaged in six episodes that we are sharing with you in the hope that you adopt them as elements in your personal style as you continue to make a difference to people who make a difference to you. This edition of the Audio Tidbits Podcast shares one of those six episodes for your enjoyment and consideration.
Rod has intercepted another transmission from the aliens among us. This time they are reporting to their home planet. The report includes info about their activities in the capital city including focus on health care and the distribution of exchange tokens. Rod will continue to update you whenever he is successful with intercepting their communications.
What do you think about taking a few minutes to remember Christmas? You haven't forgotten? Relax, close your eyes and try really hard to remember. You may recall that it is really even better than you remembered. You are in for a nice surprise.
Hey fellow Earth humans. To my surprise, the Aliens Amongst Us didn’t actually return permanently to their Home Planet. I intercepted them in New Orlins, just hanging out like real people. As you might expect, the setting was pretty noisy and a lot rowdy so listen carefully. The conversation is well worth the extra effort it takes to listen.
Are you a leader or striving to become a leader? If so, it is important to identify your leadership style and to be aware of why you prefer a particular style. As becomes clear, there are alternative and distinct styles and each has its strengths and limitations. The better you understand your style, the more effective you are as you exploit the strengths of your style while compensating for its limitations.Top dog leadership: If this is your style, you value a high level of personal control over and direct management of your followers. You work best with very cooperative followers and have low tolerance for non-compliance. You run a tight ship. Your followers typically defer to your perspective and are eager to do things your way. They tend to compete for your approval and may prioritize getting your blessing over getting the job done.Lead dog leadership: You are a visionary who sets the organizational course. You reject use of power and control, placing your faith in the good will and principled behavior of your followers. You favor followers who function well with minimal supervision and direction and who naturally see the validity of and value in following your vision. Your style is an excellent fit for kindred spirits but is less compatible for those who may occasionally question your vision or who desire more structure and guidance. Your followers may tend to separate into the consonant majority and the small but dissonant minority.Task leadership: Your strength is in getting the job done and depends on having qualified followers who are ready to work. Your followers are expected to bring the necessary expertise to each task and efficiently handle their piece of the project. This works especially well for followers who are expert at what they do and neither need or want direct supervision or involvement beyond their immediate tasks. It works less well for followers whose expertise may not be an exact fit with the current requirement, who value understanding how what they do fits in with the success of the larger organization, or who value social contact and interaction. It also may be less effective in the event the various elements of the enterprise experience minor to major disruption or variance from expectation. …Technical leadership: You know what needs done and how to do it. As the resident expert, your followers need only follow your instruction and direction. Your style is a particularly good fit for inexperienced followers who are eager to improve their skills and demonstrate their value to the organization. It also works well for more experienced followers who are comfortable deferring to superior knowledge and expertise. It may work less well for followers who value more autonomy and want to become experts in their own right, for those who value independence.Motivational leadership: Although you may not be especially charismatic, even a small measure of charisma adds to followers’ attraction to you and to their desire to align. Your verbal and interpersonal presence are compelling and interject energy and “want to” as your followers coordinate their energy, interests, and aspirations with yours. This works well for motivating less engaged followers but may pull weaker and less centered followers into blindly following, with a minimal sense of consequences or personal responsibility.Values leadership: Your strength is in showing followers why what they and you do is important, why it matters. This works well for followers whose personal views and priorities are already near alignment with yours. You have a knack for encouraging followers deeper into the fold. Alternatively, followers who are more diverse shy away from your leadership and over time, your organization tends to become more and more homogenized.THE QUIZ:Although a few leaders may be restricted to one or more of the six styles, most blend all, depending on the situation or particular circumstance. Even so,
Have you ever wondered how frustrated people manage to be so frustrating? Well, it requires a set of skills that most people don't have but can develop, with practice. If you aspire to be among the frustrating elite, here is a full dozen of the most useful techniques for totally frustrating people. With time and concentration, even amateurs can become proficient at frustrating most anyone. The only requirement is to creatively expand these techniques to numerous relationships and to add new and innovative techniques as you go along. Read and judge for yourself.1. Always play it safe; and above all, don't take any chances. If it is not in writing, either get it in writing or refuse to do it until it is in writing. If it is already in writing, ask for clarification. Once you have gotten clarification, check with a few other people to see what their understanding is and then ask for a meeting to discuss the confusion everyone is experiencing.2. Put most of your time and energy into worrying and hoping nothing changes. When things do change, ask for written procedures and clarification. Once you get clarification, suggest that the changes be put off until everyone has had an opportunity to provide input and to discuss the long-term implications of the changes. After everything has been discussed at least twice, take your sweet old time getting with the new program, letting everyone you talk to know that the changes are causing things to back up and nothing is getting done.3. Avoid taking responsibility for anything. Certainly don't volunteer and be reluctant even if asked. If you can't avoid it, ask for written instructions and check back often for additional instructions and clarification. If someone tells you, "If you can't handle this, I will find someone who can," you should say, "That's an excellent idea. I really have too many other responsibilities to handle this right now anyway."4. Don't put up with the quirks and idiosyncrasies of other people. You know how to behave and they should too. If there is anything about them or the way they do things that you know isn't the way people should act, mention it to a few people. Say something like, "I suppose you have heard what people are saying about so-and-so." Not one person in a hundred will resist saying, "No, what?" Now just lay it out, being careful to emphasize that, although you don't feel that way personally, other people are getting pretty fed up with it and that you just want to give everyone a head's up about the problems that are brewing out there.5. Since someone is going to screw something up sooner or later, you might as well just assume that things are a mess. Even if they seem okay right now, all you need to do is wait around for a while. To be on the safe side, you can bring it up in casual conversations now and then. You need only pick a couple of things that could go wrong since they likely will; and if not, something equally bad will happen. As sincerely as you can, say something like this, "Have you thought about the consequences of this or that happening? Don't you think we better think this through more carefully and not be so quick to jump into things we don't thoroughly understand? We have done that before and it looks like we would learn. I would hate to see us end up with egg on our faces again." (If asked, you can mention most anything that didn't work out at anytime in the past.) Now, when something down-the-road does not work out as expected, and something will not work out, you then only need to say in your most concerned voice, "I was worried that this might happen. I will certainly pitch in and help you with your problem but I'm sure not optimistic. It's too bad things are such a mess around here."6. Since most people are out for themselves, never take anyone on an "as is" basis. Just assume that what they are saying to you and what they are really thinking are not the same. It will help support your insight into human nature to o...
Our intrepid hunters have tracked the Great Mouse to a remote desert somewhere on the Earth planet where it appears that the Great Mouse may have finally faltered. Will the Great Mouse once more escape or is this the end of the Great Mouse’s world? Join me to learn the fate of the Great Mouse.
I'll bet you know that person who always knows what went wrong and who screwed up. It's that same person who is quick to point an accusing finger and let everyone around know that they would have never made such a stupid mistake. Big ego? sure. Insensitive? Definitely. Driving the rest of us up the wall? Absolutely. -- So what to do? Press play for a suggestion.
Hackman, Richard J. Collaborative Intelligence: Using Teams to Solve Hard Problems. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2011.A team is akin to an audio amplifier: whatever comes in, be it Mozart or ear-grating static, comes out louder. To perform well, any team must include members who have the knowledge and skill that the task requires; it must recognize which members have which capabilities; and it must properly weight members' inputs--avoiding the trap of being more influenced by those who have high status or who are highly vocal than by those who actually know what they are talking about. The benefits of teamwork come only when capable people work together interdependently to achieve some collective purpose. Face-to-face teams are indicated when creating a high-quality product requires coordinated contributions in real time from a diversity of members who have complementary expertise, experience, and perspectives. We have seen that the five common types of teams discussed--surgical, coacting, face-to-face, distributed, and sand dune--are appropriate in some task and organizational circumstances, but not in others. The social processes the team uses in carrying out the work enhance members' capability to work together interdependently in the future. An effective team is a more capable performing unit when it has finished a piece of work than it was when the work began. …here is the rub: research has shown that leader behavior makes the most constructive difference for teams that are reasonably well structured and supported in the first place. If a team is poorly composed, has an ambiguous or unimportant purpose, and operates in an organization that discourages rather than supports teamwork, there is no way that a leader's hands-on interventions with that team can turn things around. The six enabling conditions are: creating a real team , specifying a compelling direction or purpose for the team, putting the right number of the right people on the team, specifying clear norms of conduct for team behavior, providing a supportive organizational context, and making competent team-focused coaching available to the team. If what holds members tightly together is a shared wish to maintain harmony and good interpersonal relationships, the risks of dysfunction are high. But if cohesiveness stems from a shared commitment to accomplishing the team's task, it can unleash members' energies and talents to generate synergies that never would be seen in a loosely bounded group. One way to lessen the likelihood of purpose-related problems in managerial and professional teams is to establish, as a team's first and most important task, the development of an agreed-upon statement of the team's main purposes. Someone who is internally motivated feels great when he or she has done well, and feels bad when things have gone poorly. It is those internally generated feelings that fuel motivation, not extrinsic rewards or prods from a supervisor. …leaders often put too many people on the team in the first place, either to make sure the team has enough members to accomplish the work or to include at least one representative of every constituency with a stake in the outcome. The perverse result can be such an excess of members than the team has little chance to perform at a level that will please those same constituencies. Psychological safety is a shared belief that the team is a place where one can take personal and interpersonal risks. Members of psychologically safe teams are better able to admit mistakes, more likely to ask for help from teammates, more open about what they do and do not know, and more likely to learn from the expertise of others. The degree to which teams actually use the tools available to them, however, depends considerably on how those tools are made available. There is a world of difference between "We've put some great new software on your desktops that you and your teammat...
Hey folks, there is something I think needs clarified. Since it is going to become an issue sooner or later, we might as well get it out in the open today. World UFO day was a while back and knowing that got me to thinking. If aliens are smart enough to get from wherever they were to where we are, they are also probably smart enough to do that without our knowing about it. They could easily be among us without our having a clue. Would they look like aliens? Of course not. They would simply materialize in ways that let them blend in transparently. We might never know that there were aliens among us. Our only hope is that there are tells that we can detect and then correctly interpret. Tells are little behavioral clues that let us know that all is not what it purports to be. Gamblers talk about poker players showing tells that give away what is going on behind that poker face. Some people claim to be able to read the tells that let them know when someone is lying. It seems likely that aliens would have inadvertent tells that let us know that they are among us but not one of us. The first issue is just how we can be sure who is and who is not an alien. Try glancing around when you are near other people. Do you notice anything strange or peculiar about them or their behavior? Concentrate on picking up on any tells. Is there anything that gives you second thought? As a place to start, limit your investigation to people you know well. Those are the people with whom you are the most familiar and in whom you are most likely to recognize alien tells. You are aware of all of their human traits, their universally human behavior. What you are looking for is anything that causes you to wonder if they are actually human. I don’t know for sure what an alien tell might be but suspect it looks like a momentary disconnect, an instance of weirdness, a since that the other person is not quite with us, is not quite one of us. I’m pretty sure you know what I mean. What’s more, I think it is highly likely that you have picked up on these little tells slipping out with people you know but have not yet classified them as alien. You have just wondered if that person is for real. They may be for real but maybe not. The unsettling truth is that they may be an alien trying to pass as human. The alien among us may be in the room with us right now or merely an image on TV or YouTube. He or she may be sleeping on the street or pretending to lead a nation. There is no way to know with certainty who is for real and who is only posing. Our only hope is to learn to spot the tells. I wish I had an answer to the pressing question. I know I am human but are you? My challenge is to figure out the answer to that simple question. In turn, the challenge is yours as well. How can you know if I am human or simply posing.
Sure, it matters what you say, but not as much or as often as you may think. Press and pick one of these things to say and then just say it the next time you are at a loss for words. If you are questioned, just mention that it was just something you were thinking about. By the time you get another turn, you will likely come up with an ok comment.
James is here to assure you that enthusiasm is the key to getting fired as well as to avoiding the employment ax. It's your choice and your opportunity. Which will it be?
This episode of the Leadership shop Podcast shows you the elements of proactive leadership. It gives you the opportunity to consider your approach to leadership and evaluate the extent to which you are a proactive leader. The members of the podcast team take turns presenting the elements so please listen and decide how your leadership fits with proactive leadership.
Give people clear, frequent, and accurate feedback.This unusually complex strategy starts with being as quick to tell people what they have done right as you are to tell them what they have done wrong. That does not sound difficult, does it?What if the order is reversed though?Be as quick to tell people what they have done wrong as you are to tell them what they have done right.Now it sounds odd. It seems like I am suggesting that equal attention needs to be given to both what's right and what's wrong. There you go. That is exactly the point.It is not necessary to go into a lot of detail about leaders who only relate to team members in terms of problems and things they have done wrong. They also point fingers and know every problem is someone else's fault. Their major activity is finding someone, anyone to criticize or blame. You are also well-aware of leaders who appropriately point out problems but seldom point out good work. It is not unusual to see the compliment criticism balance favoring criticism. …I certainly recommend that leaders carefully attend to keeping the balance in balance.For a proactive leader, finding and keeping the balance is based on taking it for granted that people are trying to do a good job. They do not intentionally screw things up, make mistakes, or perform below their abilities. Even more, most everyone on the team consciously and intentionally gives the little extra that moves good work into the excellent category. Their commitment to excellence is a major reason why they are on the team, and excellence is what you get from them, the first time, on time, every time.Here is the rub. With highly successful teams, the expectation is that team members perform at the excellent level every time, no exceptions, no excuses. People are extraordinarily good at what they do. With teams like this, compliments and praise are plentiful and lavish. Even when people are not being complimented directly, they receive indirect compliments and praise from customers and others in the external environment. They are among the best and they know it. It helps to attend to direct praise and acknowledgment of superior performance, but this is merely an extra quality touch in an already self-reinforcing environment. If a team is not doing well, compliments and praise will not, by themselves, help much. If it is doing well, additional praise and compliments will not add much to its success.The real issue here is criticism. Of course, a proactive leader praises publicly and only criticizes in private. He also is very careful to assure his criticism is an exact fit with the problem or issue, not overdoing it or under doing it. Criticism, no matter how well it is managed, introduces a negative element into a fast-moving, stressful environment where people are already on edge and pushing themselves to their limits. The affect is the person who is criticized and those who are coincidentally in the immediate environment become apprehensive and less productive, at least for the moment.The point is that criticism is always temporarily counterproductive. For this reason, a proactive leader is quick to praise but very cautious when criticizing anyone, for any reason.Clear, accurate, and frequent feedback is certainly important.a proactive leader knows as well that providing constructive and effective criticism is the most delicate area of the feedback balancing act. If this feedback is inappropriate or excessive, the person will overreact or withdraw and the outcome is often worse than the original problem. If criticism is not forthcoming when it is appropriate or is not focused enough, the problem or issue persists and likely will get worse. Getting criticism just right, the first time, on time, every time is critical for any leader and an essential ingredient of a winning team.As if the challenge of getting criticism right, the first time, on time, every time were not enough by itself,
Hogan, Robert. Personality and the Fate of Organizations. New York: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc., 2007.…all managerial jobs have one important feature in common: They help accomplish the work of an organization through other people. This means that managers are responsible for the performance of their staffs. The word leadership has two meanings. On the one hand, leadership refers to a certain kind of position in an organization--a leadership position. On the other hand, leadership refers to a kind of performance--behaving in a leader-like way. By definition, managers are in positions of leadership; whether they exercise it appropriately is another question. The published literature on leadership is immense--actually overwhelming--and growing daily. Effective leaders tend to be resilient and handle stress well, they promote a vision and develop strategies to translate the vision into reality, they solve tactical and strategic problems, they set high goals and work hard to achieve them, they project a sense of self-confidence, they build relationships, they build teams, they follow through on their commitments and treat people fairly, and they plan and organize work. These attributes are no guarantee of success, but they improve the odds of a person being able to build a high-performing team that achieves results. …bad management is the primary cause of employee dissatisfaction--the best predictor of employee dissatisfaction is poor leadership. …bad managers create turnover--people do not quit organizations, they quit bad bosses. ……perceived integrity--keeping one's word, fulfilling one's promises, not playing favorites, not taking advantage of one's position, and not claiming special privileges. …visionary—they [leaders] can explain why the team's activity is important and how it contributes to the future success and well-being of the members. Leaders are leaders are leaders, even when they are bad. …the primary task of leaders is to build a group, persuade the individuals to work together, and then maintain their performance. Leaders with imagination can project a vision that participants find attractive, morally compelling, and worthy of allegiance, whereas incompetent leaders unwittingly project visions that are distasteful to people. …leaders must be perceived as having integrity, decisiveness, competence, vision, persistence, and humility.
Where and When are Leadership Connections InitiatedAs Figure 3 in Ecological Human Services Management shows, leadership connections can be planned or unplanned, as represented in the left column of the figure. Additionally, they can be Leadership Team member initiated or stakeholder initiated, as represented in the middle and right columns of the figure. The result is leadership connections that are planned and member initiated, planned and stakeholder initiated, unplanned and member initiated, and unplanned and stakeholder initiated. If the Leadership Team restricts its membership to people who do well on the earlier Leadership Team membership assessment, the four types of connection initiations shown in Figure Three are manageable for the members. They are comfortable with all four types.Let's expand on the four initiation types. Planned initiations are those where either the member or the stakeholder decides ahead of time to initiate a connection and then pursues the connection. This may start with a letter or phone call, but may as commonly start with either the member or stakeholder planning ahead of time to introduce himself or herself at a meeting or other gathering.A few cautions are in order when considering planned connections. The Leadership Team member should initiate the connection personally. If possible, do not have someone else make the arrangements. For example, do not have a secretary, co-worker, or another stakeholder arrange for the first meeting. If initiating the connection by letter or phone, do not ask the stakeholder to contact you. For example, if you leave a message on voice mail, let the person know who you are, briefly why you are calling, and that you will try again at another time. You can leave your number at the end, letting the person know returning the call is fine if they prefer. Just do not give any hint you expect them to call you. €“ When calling anyone, take a minute to decide before you place the call exactly what you will say, if you need to leave a voice message. Do not wait until you hear the beep to think about what you want to say.Additionally, never initiate a connection by email. In general, avoid emails with stakeholders all together, unless the other person sends an email to you. Even then, a phone call is better and a face-to-face contact is better yet. Email is just too impersonal for leadership connections. Also, do not stop by someone's home or office without an appointment, expecting the person to meet with you. This is both rude and inconsiderate. …Further, do not call a stakeholder on his or her cell phone or send him a text message, unless he has given you the number personally and asked you to use the number. Do not send text messages to stakeholders unless you are replying to a text message the stakeholder sent to you.For both planned and unplanned connection initiations, there is one exception to the above caution about personally initiating a connection. When at a meeting or other gathering, asking someone you already know to introduce you to someone they already know is usually acceptable to the potential stakeholder. You can then say as part of the introduction you were hoping you would get a chance to talk with him or her. This lets him know you have an agenda beyond the social pleasantry and starts your relationship on an open and honest basis and clarifies the role of the person making the introductions. If it is not awkward under the circumstances, ask the potential stakeholder if you can call him later to arrange a time to talk more. Do not try to pursue your agenda then unless the potential stakeholder specifically asks you to do so. Just give him your card and call later, if he agrees. As we saw earlier, good Team members are never pushy.
Thanks for Joining me.Let me share a story with you. It’s an example of what most of us have been taught about conflict resolution, working out differences, and more generally about working and living among each other.• We have been taught to be more tolerant and less judgmental.• We have been instructed to respect and value our differences and diversity.•We have learned ways to communicate more effectively by being better listeners and more receptive to those who disagree with us, those who do not value our cause and point of view.• We have been shown the wisdom of moving beyond our limited incentives and personal values to embrace the greater good, the collective interest. We might think of this as consecutive subordination: Our interests are subordinate to family interests, family interests are subordinate to community interests, community interests are subordinate to national interests, and humanity rules all.Do we agree on the list? Of course not. We seldom agree on much unless we are associated with the same cause, the same perspective. Even then, our consensus hangs together on a very thin thread.Now for the story. It should work like this. We have been taught that it can work like this. We have been instructed to go along with this approach to harmony and mutual success. But we know that it will not work. Even if it seems to be working it eventually fizzles out. Factions emerge, differences intensify, and harmony retreats.As you consider the story, I only have two questions:• Why do we persist in trying to resolve our collective issues using the same approaches and strategies we have been taught since we were too young to understand, knowing that the chances of lasting success are slim to none?• If our conflict resolution paradigm no longer works -- assuming that it ever did – and knowing that most will not agree to any new paradigm that might be proposed, how will you approach conflict resolution at the family, community, national, and humanity levels without reverting to the faltering paradigm we have all been taught?The Rift Within: Rebuilding Riverton's CommunityChapter 1: The Fractured CommunityThe small town of Riverton had always prided itself on its tight-knit community, where people of varying ages and socioeconomic statuses lived harmoniously side by side. It was a place where neighbors knew each other's names andshared in each other's joys and sorrows. But as time passed, a subtle shift occurred, disrupting the tranquility that oncedefined Riverton.It all began innocently enough, with a group of enthusiastic individuals who were passionate about a specific cause. Their dedication was admirable, but little did they know that their newfound focus would soon consume their lives, altering the dynamics of the entire community.Randy Wayne White's words echoed through the minds of the townspeople: When you hook up with a cause you forfeit your interest in relating to those not associated with the cause.Initially, the members of this cause-oriented group embraced their mission fervently, united by a common purpose. However, as they delved deeper into their cause, they inadvertently distanced themselves from those not associated with it. Conversations became focused solely on their agenda, leaving little room for connection with others.This isolation gradually seeped into the fabric of Riverton, causing a ripple effect that spread throughout the community. As other groups emerged, supporting different causes and rallying behind diverse beliefs, the once unified town became a fragmented patchwork of clashing ideologies.With each passing day, the divide grew wider, and the once- cherished unity was replaced with opposition and hostility.Riverton became a battleground where the original cause waspitted against other causes, and the community suffered as a consequence. Ideas were met with resistance, innovation stifled, and compassion was overshadowed by animosity.Yet,
Thanks for joining me.I am sharing a story with you that highlights both an opportunity and a trap. The opportunity is for great success and fulfillment. The trap is for failure and disappointment.If your dream, your passion requires putting all of your eggs in one basket, please do what you've got to do. It may work out just fine. At least, you need to believe it will.I'm sure you see the trap. Ignore it at your risk; and if all of your eggs are in that basket, the risk is extreme. Better would be to hold back an egg or two, just in case. Since I seem to be into old sayings, here's another one. Don't burn your bridges unless you will never need to go back across; and even then, don't burn them if there is any acceptable way to keep them open.My point is that this story could be true but the odds of its being true for you or me are slim to none. Does that mean that we shouldn't go for it? It definitely does not. We should.Here is the point. Hold back an egg or two and don't burn any bridges if you can at all avoid starting the fire.Now for the story. Just substitute your dream, your passion for those of the guys in the story. Give it your best shot. Just know how you will recover if your shot misses.Chapter 1: A Familiar FaceThe hustle and bustle of daily life in a big city was something that Ben had become used to since he'd moved to Los Angeles. It was a far cry from his childhood home in the small town of Leetonville, Ohio, where life was a lot quieter and simpler.It was during one afternoon stroll, when he was walking along the busy streets of downtown, that he noticed something out of the ordinary. A man walking towards him, wearing a blue plaid shirt and a baseball cap, that appeared very familiar.Ben had never seen this man before, yet he could not shake the feeling that he knew him from somewhere. The man's face was so familiar that it seemed as if he had known Ben for years.As the man got closer, Ben could swear that he recognized his eyes and the way he walked, his mannerisms, everything about him. He was confident that he had seen this man before, but he wasn't sure where.The two men stopped in their tracks, with Ben standing in front of the mysterious stranger. The man looked up at Ben and smiled, and it all clicked."Ben?" the man said, "Is that you?"A wave of recognition swept over Ben's face. It was his old neighbor, Robert! Robert had moved away when Ben was still a child, so he was understandably surprised to see him here in Los Angeles.The two men embraced and shared stories of their lives since then, and Ben was delighted to learn that Robert had come to Los Angeles to pursue his dream of becoming a movie director. With the memories of their old home in Leetonville, Ohio flooding back, Ben saw that his old neighbor was still the same old Robert he had known and loved all those years ago.Chapter 2: Rekindling DreamsAs Ben and Robert sat down at a nearby café, the memories of their childhood in Leetonville, Ohio flooded their conversation. They reminisced about their adventures in the woods behind their houses, their shared love for baseball, and the countless hours spent dreaming about their futures.Ben couldn't help but feel a pang of nostalgia as he listened to Robert talk about his passion for filmmaking. It reminded him of the dreams they had shared as kids, the dreams that had slowly faded away as they grew older and life took them on different paths."I never thought I'd see you again, Robert," Ben said, a hint of sadness in his voice. "It's amazing how life brings people back together."Robert nodded, a wistful smile on his face. "Yeah, it's funny how things work out. I always knew I wanted to make movies, but life got in the way. I got caught up in the routine, the expectations, and I let go of my dreams."Ben could relate. He had always dreamed of becoming a writer, but the practicality of life had led him down a different path.
Thanks for joining me.I have been away for a while but am glad to be back with you. While I was gone, my website has had a facelift. Check out GaryCrow.net to see how the update went.I have been thinking about what's true and how we can ever know. Although I don't personally have any certainty, I did come across this 3 Dose Truth strategy and thought you might appreciate it. It's just something to consider. Give it a couple of minutes and come to your own conclusion.In these days of fake news and intentional misinformation, it's easy to wonder if anything we read or hear is true. Maybe even more alarming is our inability to know who to believe, who to trust. And of course, that is the point of fake news and misinformation. The goal is not so much to get us to believe false this or untrue that as it is to fuel mistrust and doubt: mistrust of our political leaders and doubt about the intentions and motivations that underpin our government and institutions.In The Fine Art of Baloney Detection, Carl Sagan was definitely on point when he counseled, "Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of confusion and bamboozle requires intelligence, vigilance, dedication and courage. But if we don't practice these tough habits of thought, we cannot hope to solve the truly serious problems that face us — and we risk becoming a nation of suckers, up for grabs by the next charlatan who comes along."It's harsh but certainly self-evident that "If you don't control your mind, someone else will." John Allston points out the obvious, but it has gotten to where even the obvious is suspect. In testimony to this sad state of affairs, William Safire advises, "Never assume the obvious is true." At the extreme, we get to where we mistrust what we hear, what we see, what we think; and if the insidious erosion of trust persists, we come to distrust our personal judgment and our self-confidence falters.There is an antidote for this insidious erosion of trust, but I doubt that many would think it is an easy medicine to swallow. The first dose is to give up our reliance on group-think. "Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path." I don't know who said that first and doubt that it matters much. The value is in being reminded that we are responsible for what we think, what we believe, and just because lots of well-meaning folks have signed onto the trip does not make it okay for us to thoughtlessly follow. Anatole France assures us that "If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." It's also true that if fifty million people think or do a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. It's up to us to guard against being just another one of the fools.The second dose serving as an antidote for this insidious erosion of trust is to give up on our habitual reliance on simply accepting the perspectives, views and opinions of people with the loudest voices or the most followers. Let it suffice to remind us of Buddha's advice, "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it — even if I have said it — unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." The third dose is perhaps the hardest to swallow. Grace Hopper argued that "The most damaging phrase in the language is, it's always been done that way." Variations on the point are mental crutches such as "I've always thought…," or "I've always believed…, " or "Everyone knows…." The notion is that once I think or believe anything, that's the way it is forever.Granted, it's being consistent; but as Bernard Berenson cautioned, "Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." Or perhaps you prefer George Bernard Shaw's take, "Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." Even so, Glen Beaman has a point, "Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow.
Whenever we are with someone else, it’s always a bet. I have posted this here for two reasons. I need a place holder for now and this is pretty interesting and mostly true. Use the player to listen. You may have something else to ponder for about 9 minutes or so.
This report was generated by AI. I point that out to emphasize that reducing employment inequity and discrimination is not rocket science. Obviously, the recommendations will help an infuriatingly persistent issue in many if not most organizations. I’m sure you can, with little effort, suggest a few more steps that can and should be taken.
Someone very wise once observed that we know better than we do. As we see, even a box of computer chips knows better than we do. If we already know what to do, and we do, why do those who are in a position to fix things don’t?
It’s a damn shame and we should all be ashamed, but we aren’t. Maybe one day our computer overlords will show us what morality is really about. Report: Fostering Gender Equality and Work-Life Balance To: Senior Management Team
From: Sarah, Alex, and Jordan - Managers
Date: [Yesterday]
Subject: Addressing Concerns about Gender Equality and Work-Life Balance
We, the undersigned managers, have conducted a comprehensive review of employee feedback and concerns related to gender equality and work-life balance within our organization. Through various channels, we have gathered valuable insights from employees, shedding light on the challenges they face. It is our sincere intention to address these matters proactively and create a more inclusive and supportive work environment. Gender Equality: We have heard from employees that there may be instances where women are treated differently than men, particularly in project assignments and opportunities for advancement. To foster an environment of equality and provide everyone with a level playing field, we propose the following actions:
Implement Mentorship and Leadership Training Programs: Create formal mentorship initiatives that empower women to excel in their careers. Offer leadership training programs that cultivate the skills and confidence needed to take on leadership roles.
Promote Inclusive Project Assignments: Ensure that project assignments are distributed fairly based on skills and competencies, rather than gender. Regularly review project distribution to identify and address any disparities. Work-Life Balance: Employees have expressed concerns about the pressure to prioritize work over family life, impacting their overall well-being. To address these concerns and promote a healthier work-life balance, we suggest the following strategies:
Flexible Work Arrangements: Introduce flexible work arrangements, such as remote work options or flexible hours, to accommodate the diverse needs of our employees. This will allow them to manage both their work and personal responsibilities effectively.
Guidelines for After-Hours Communication: Establish clear guidelines for after-hours communication, ensuring that employees have the freedom to disconnect during their personal time without fear of repercussions.
Support Networks: Create platforms for employees to openly discuss work-life balance challenges and share experiences. Foster a supportive community that encourages the sharing of best practices for achieving balance. Conclusion: Incorporating these strategies will not only address the concerns raised by our employees but also contribute to a more vibrant and inclusive workplace culture. We believe that by prioritizing gender equality and work-life balance, we will enhance employee morale, productivity, and long-term retention.
We appreciate your consideration of these proposals and your commitment to creating a workplace that values every individual's contributions and personal well-being. We look forward to working collaboratively to implement these changes and create a more equitable and supportive work environment.
Sincerely,
Sarah [Manager]
Alex [Manager]
Jordan [Manager] Let’s start with what’s good for people before doubling down on what’s good for business.
Once Upon a Time A charming café named "Tranquil Brews" welcomed patrons seeking comfort in solitude. At a corner table with a view of the cobblestone streets, Mia, Alex, and Riley gathered as they had for years. Their warm beverages offered not only comfort against the slight chill in the air, but also a sense of camaraderie among kindred spirits.
With a gentle sigh, Mia reluctantly spoke up, her voice a soft melody that blended with the café's soothing ambiance. "You know, there are days when I wish we could have just one day to ourselves, without those extroverts barging into our peace."
Alex nodded in agreement, his gaze drifting to the window as if to emphasize the point. "Exactly, a day where they'd just mind their own business and let us introverts thrive in our own solitude."
Riley, ever the thoughtful one, leaned in closer, a contemplative expression on her face. "I've been pondering that too. What if we decided to declare our own day, a day of quiet where we can indulge in our own worlds without the constant intrusion?"
The idea hung in the air, tantalizingly close yet needing to be fully grasped. After a beat, Mia's eyes lit up, her face illuminated by a soft smile. "Perhaps we could pick Monday? It's the start of the week, and maybe people won't mind too much."
Alex leaned back in his chair, a hand resting beneath his chin as he pondered. "True, but Mondays can already be overwhelming. Maybe we should choose a day that falls somewhere in the middle. Not too close to the weekend's chaos, but not too far either."
"Tuesday," Riley suggested, her eyes sparkling. "It's like a blank slate, a day without expectations."
Nods of agreement swept across the table, sealing their decision. Tuesday would be the Introverts' Day, a sanctuary for quiet reflection and cherished personal space.
But as the excitement settled, a new challenge arose: who would champion the cause and announce this new introverts' holiday to the world? A moment of awkward silence enveloped them, punctuated only by the occasional clink of a spoon against a teacup.
Riley shifted in her seat, her gaze flitting between her friends. "I'm not sure I'm up for making a grand announcement. It feels a bit too... extroverted for my taste."
Mia and Alex exchanged understanding glances, their shared empathy bridging any unspoken thoughts. "What if we didn't make a big announcement?" Mia suggested. "What if we simply started celebrating it ourselves, quietly?"
Riley's eyes brightened, a hint of curiosity in her voice. "Okay, but how do we ensure that everyone respects our day? What if people don't even realize it's Introverts' Day?"
With a mischievous grin, Alex leaned forward. "Well, here's the ingenious part. If anyone dares to breach our solitude on Tuesday, we can just... ignore them."
Mia chuckled softly, her amusement mirrored in Riley's eyes. "And if ignoring doesn't do the trick, we can delegate the responsibility to Winston."
Laughter filled the air, the image of Winston, the kind-hearted barista who had become part of their daily routine, being the enforcer of quiet, proving too amusing to resist. "Poor Winston," Riley chuckled, "but you know, it might just work. If we all commit to this, we might actually have our Introverts' Day without too much fuss."
Unfortunately, It Was Just Then When A group of lively extroverts burst into "Tranquil Brews" with infectious energy. Their laughter and animated conversations filled the air, creating a stark contrast to the usual calm atmosphere. Mia, Alex, and Riley exchanged knowing glances, bracing themselves for what they knew could be an unwanted encounter.
The extroverts took over a large table near the entrance, their boisterous greetings echoing across the room. Mia, Alex, and Riley kept their heads down, hoping to remain unnoticed in their cozy corner.
However, curiosity got the better of one of the extroverts, a tall and gregarious woman named Lily.
Thanks for joining me. We hear presidential candidates talking about the greatness of America. They seem to reflect a range of beliefs from America is great to America used to be great but is not great anymore; they will make America great to they will make America great again.
I thought it might be interesting to ask ourselves what action we think might lead to a great America or to sustaining America's greatness. To that end, I have collected seven reasons to believe America is as great or greater than it ever was and seven reasons to believe that America is not great and in need of action to make it great.
There are thus fourteen aspects of American life that need attention. Of course there are others but Let's limit ourselves to these fourteen for purposes of this exercise. For each of the fourteen, answer two questions.
First, what needs to happen to keep the element great; or if it is currently deficient, what needs to happen to make the element great?
Second, what action will the President have to take to sustain the elements greatness; or if the element is currently deficient, what will the President need to do to assure that the element becomes great?
Let's keep America great or make it great again, depending on perspective. Here are seven reasons people often give for believing that America is as great as it ever was: Innovation and Technology: Many point to America's history of technological advancements and innovation as evidence of its continued greatness.
(Note) Be sure to answer the two questions for this element before moving on.
Cultural Diversity: The nation's rich cultural diversity and the opportunities it provides for different perspectives and experiences.
Economic Prosperity: Highlighting the country's strong economy, job opportunities, and entrepreneurial spirit as indicators of its greatness.
Freedom and Democracy: Emphasizing the values of freedom, democracy, and the protection of individual rights that are seen as integral to America's greatness.
Global Leadership: The role that the U.S. plays in international affairs, including its military strength and diplomatic influence.
Higher Education: The presence of world-renowned universities and research institutions that contribute to global knowledge and innovation.
Social Progress: Noting advancements in civil rights, LGBTQ+ rights, and other areas as signs of America's ongoing progress. Here are seven reasons people often give for believing that America is not as great as it used to be: Economic Inequality: Many argue that increasing income inequality has led to a decline in the overall well-being of the population.
(Note) Be sure to answer the two questions for this element before moving on.
Political Divisiveness: Concerns about heightened political polarization and inability to find common ground on important issues.
Healthcare System: Criticisms about the complexity and cost of healthcare, leaving some citizens without adequate access to medical services.
Infrastructure: Aging infrastructure, like roads and bridges, is seen as a sign of neglect in some areas.
Education System: Worries about the quality of education and access to affordable, high-quality schooling for all.
Gun Violence: Concerns about the prevalence of gun violence and perceived lack of effective gun control measures.
Climate Change: The perceived insufficient response to environmental issues, including climate change and pollution.
Debate: Is America as Great as it Used to Be? In the heart of a bustling cafe, two friends, Jack and John, engage in a spirited debate over a topic that has long fueled discussions across the nation: the current state of America's greatness.
Jack, his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm, leans forward and begins, "John, my friend, I firmly believe that America is as great as it ever was. Just look at the incredible innovations we've witnessed,
The Surface Story In a world teeming with mysteries, the possibility of extraterrestrial life has long fascinated and captivated the human imagination. Recently, a group of individuals, including both humans and two undercover aliens, gathered to engage in a thought-provoking focus group discussion. The primary objective was to gauge human awareness of the presence of aliens among us and explore their potential intentions. The ensuing dialogue was marked by diverse opinions and varying levels of concern, ultimately yielding inconclusive results.
Within the focus group, differing levels of concern emerged regarding the potential intentions of these supposed alien beings. Some participants harbored fears of malicious intent, envisioning scenarios of invasion or domination. They highlighted historical accounts of alleged abductions and unexplained disappearances as cautionary tales. In contrast, a faction of individuals maintained a more optimistic outlook, postulating that extraterrestrial life might be benevolent and possess advanced knowledge that could benefit humanity.
In an age of advanced technology and medical breakthroughs, there was still a lingering fear of that which humans cannot see. People around the world claimed they saw UFOs in the skies, heard strange creatures in the night, and sensed something lurking in the shadows.
As the rumors and speculation began to spread, a secret organization was formed that focused on researching and studying possible alien life forms. This group, known as the Alien Interactions Committee, assembled the focus group of humans and aliens alike to determine how accurate these fears were.
The goals of the focus group were twofold. First, they sought to determine whether or not humans had a heightened awareness of aliens in their midst, and second, they wanted to know what those aliens’ intentions were, should they exist.
Taking place in a secret location, the focus group was comprised of fourteen humans and two undercover aliens. Facilitated by an experienced alien-interactions researcher, the group was divided into four round tables and instructed to discuss a series of questions in an effort to push the limits of perception.
Questions such as “Do you think aliens are among us?” and “If aliens were here, what would be their intention,” quickly filled the room with passionate energy. After some spirited debate, it was clear that the participants’ opinions of the possibility of aliens being among humans varied significantly.
The two aliens concealed their presence and allowed the conversation to continue while watching carefully for any subtle signs of suspicion from the group. At the end of the day, the results of the focus group were inconclusive. While none of the humans had identified them, it was clear that the possibility was close. Without any clear idea as to what steps to take next, the committee decided to continue the focus group meetings and keep a watchful eye. There Is More to This Story As the participants gathered for their second meeting, the atmosphere in the room was charged with anticipation. The previous session had left them with more questions than answers, and they were eager to continue their discussions. The facilitator, Dr. Elizabeth Reynolds, welcomed everyone and reminded them of the importance of their contributions.
The focus group reconvened at their respective tables, each one buzzing with excitement. The two undercover aliens, Zara and Xander, took their seats, their human disguises flawlessly concealing their extraterrestrial identities. They observed the humans closely, searching for any signs of suspicion or unease.
Dr. Reynolds began the session by posing a thought- provoking question: "If aliens were among us, how do you think they would communicate with each other?" The room fell silent as the participants pondered this intriguing possibility.
Some suggested that aliens might possess advanced telepathic abilities...
Thanks for joining me. I’m pretty sure that you are not driving anyone up the wall but you likely have at least one coworker who has you pulling out your hair. I have a few suggestions but no good solutions to getting other people to behave more to your liking.
With that disclaimer, let’s first take a look at a work area where people are definitely driving each other nuts. Following that, I have a set of actions and behaviors that I think we can all agree are deal brakers if our goal is workplace harmony. None of us wants to be guilty of these interpersonal blunders. Finally, I do have some suggestions for managing those coworkers who are far less fun to be around than us. Chaos at Work Jared was the first to arrive at the office. Every day, he would come in early and get right to work. He had a lot of enthusiasm, and he was eager to make his mark on the company. However, many of his coworkers had taken a disliking to him.
They called Jared a jerk, claiming that he was too competitive
and wouldn’t settle for less than the best. He could also be quite cocky and was always trying to prove his intellect.
Roaming around the office, Jared would look down on those who weren’t working as hard as him, and the mere sound of his voice would make most of his coworkers recoil.
Little did Jared know, his attitude was actually having an adverse effect on the team. He was extremely loud and it made it difficult for everyone else to focus. He definitely had his strengths, but his attitude was making it hard for others to appreciate them. This created tension among the team, and it was becoming a problem.
Caroline was the polar opposite of Jared. While everyone else was hustling, she was loitering around. Management had no idea what she was even doing, because she had no intention of getting anything done. She was your typical ‘coast when you can’ type of worker. Everyone on the team talked behind her back, but to her face, they were civil.
Emma was the team’s gossip queen. She had her finger on the pulse of the business, and she knew everything that was going on. She was always trying to stir up drama, gossiping about her coworkers behind their backs and in the office. The whole team felt uncomfortable around her and openly wished
she would find something better to do with her time.
Clyde was the newest addition to the team. He was fiercely opinionated, and his coworkers found him intimidating.
Nobody wanted to admit it, but they were actually scared of him. He had a way of bulldozing through conversations, and he regularly spoke over the top of anyone who dared to disagree with him.
Dave was the team’s resident worrier. He was constantly worrying about his performance and how he looked to others. He was always late getting things done and was always making excuses for his tardiness. His indecisiveness meant that he frequently had to ask his teammates for help, and this made everyone on the team resent him a little bit.
Victoria was the team’s party girl. While everyone else was hard at work, she would be chatting with friends, checking her phone, or even playing online games. She hadn’t been that productive since she joined the team, and everyone was starting to feel that she was taking advantage of her colleagues.
Finally, there was Jason. He was always rude and inconsiderate to his teammates, and he regularly disregarded
their feelings and opinions. Whenever his coworkers needed a little help, he was nowhere to be found. He had no intention of helping them, and the rest of the team felt betrayed by him.
As time went on, the issues between the team members began to worsen. They increasingly felt disconnected from each other, and all of their differences were coming to the forefront. The work environment was getting more and more hostile, and it was obvious that something had to give.
Something Has to Give The tension in the office had reached its breaking point.
The Discovery It was a warm spring day and our playground was bustling with activity. My friends and I were running around the playground, shouting and playing at recess. Madison was chacing her friends, her pig tail braids bouncing behind her when suddenly, Madison spotted something unusual under a bush by the fence.
"Hey, what's that?" she shouted, pointing. Everyone stopped and stared at what she had found. Under the bush was a big box. It was painted dark blue and decorated with multicolored shapes and swirls.
Madison cautiously approached the box, but before she could touch it, Tate blurted out, "Let's open it!" Everyone agreed and they eagerly gathered around the box. Everyone was excited at once, anxiously trying to guess what could be inside the mysterious box.
Mason was the first to reach out and touch the box. He grasped it firmly but carefully and lifted it up only to find a tiny piece of paper stuck to its side. Madison quickly pulled it off the box and everyone gathered around her as she slowly unfolded it.
It said, "For a special purpose, only to be opened by a creative and curious mind."
Tate was the first to react. "So, do we have to find out what the purpose is? Or should we just open it and see what's inside?" Everyone started bickering about what to do. Mason argued that we should open it, while Madison argued that we should tell our teacher and have her decide.
In the end, we decided that we were too scared to open it so agreed to tell Mrs. Butterworth. Madison ran off to get our teacher, leaving the box behind.
We all followed Madison, crowding around Mrs. B and asking her all sorts of questions. We quickly told her what had happened and nervously waited to see what she was going to do. She thought for a while and then finally decided, "We should open the box. We never know what surprises might be inside."
When we all got back to the box, we crowded around as Mrs. B opened the box. We were pushing and shoving some to see inside. Before anyone else could make a comment, Madison shouted with glee, "It's a purple basketball!"
The Magic Game We all stared at the purple basketball in awe. It glistened under the sunlight, its vibrant color captivating our attention.
Madison couldn't contain her excitement as she reached into the box and grabbed the ball. She held it up for everyone to see, a wide grin spreading across her face.
"Wow, it's so cool!" Tate exclaimed, his eyes widening with wonder.
Mason, always the practical one, furrowed his brow. "But what's so special about a purple basketball?"
Madison shrugged, her excitement still bubbling inside her. "I don't know, but let's try it out!"
We all quickly made our way to the basketball court, our sneakers squeaking against the pavement. We gathered around the hoop, anticipation building in the air.
Madison took a step back, her small hands gripping the ball tightly. With a swift motion, she tossed it towards the hoop.
To our amazement, the ball twisted and turned in mid-air, defying gravity. It soared through the hoop with a satisfying swish. We gasped in astonishment, our eyes widening with disbelief.
"Whoa! Did you see that?" Mason exclaimed, his voice filled with excitement.
Tate's face lit up with a mischievous grin. "Let me try!" he said, snatching the ball from Madison's hands.
He threw the ball with all his might, and once again, it twisted and turned, finding its way into the hoop. We all erupted into cheers and laughter, our joy and amazement filling the playground.
For a while, we took turns, each experiencing the magical power of the purple basketball. No matter how we threw it, the ball always found its mark with a perfect swish. We all laughed and cheered, our competitive spirits ignited by the purple basketball.
But sooner than you might expect, we started to feel a sense of monotony. The magic of the purple basketball, while thrilling, had taken away the challenge we craved.
On The Road -- Finally It was a balmy summer night, and after a long day of work, Cindy's dad had finally decided to give his daughter the driving lesson she had been asking for. It was so nice outside, and the sun had just started to set over the horizon. She had been so excited for this day, and now it was finally here.
Cindy gripped the steering wheel firmly, excited to finally put those classes she'd taken to the test. She slowly backed the car out of the driveway and onto the street, being careful to make sure all the lights were on and that she kept to the speed limit.
Dad felt a bit apprehensive in the passenger seat. He kept peeking over to her every so often, making sure she was keeping a close eye on the road. Unfortunately, it seemed every time he looked, she was getting distracted and drifting off the lane. He knew he had to jump in and take control, but that made him feel guilty. He didn't want to make her feel like he didn't have faith in her.
On top of all that, Dad felt like he was stepping into the shoes of his own father. It made him think of all the times when he was just a kid and his parents took turns taking him out for a spin behind the wheel. He remembered all the conversations they would have, the tips his Dad would give him, and the
funny stories they'd share as they drove. He couldn't help but to wonder how he'd fare with his own daughter.
He let his worries go, and gave Cindy a few gentle reminders and corrections as she drove. He laughed when he saw her stressing out over the speed limit, joking around that driving too slow was nearly as bad as driving too fast. After a while, they'd parked in the lot of a grocery store for Cindy to practice her parking skills and to give her a little break from the intense concentration she'd been putting in.
When Cindy thought she had practiced enough, Dad agreed and thought a little treat was in order; so they stopped at their neighborhood Dairy Queen for a snack and to laugh about their experiences, both good and bad. Dad gave her a big hug when they returned to the car, feeling proud of the progress she was making. With a few minor pointers, they got back to their driving lesson, this time deciding to head up to Grandpa's house. He knew Grandpa would get a kick out of seeing Cindy driving.
Navigating the Storm It was a stormy afternoon, and dark clouds loomed overhead as Cindy prepared for her next driving lesson with her mom this time. The rain was pouring down, creating a symphony of pitter-patter on the roof of the car. Despite the less-than-ideal conditions, Cindy was determined to continue her journey towards becoming a skilled driver.
As they sat in the car, Mom adjusted the mirrors and reminded Cindy to be extra cautious due to the slippery roads. The windshield wipers swished back and forth, struggling to keep up with the heavy rain. Cindy took a deep breath, her hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.
"Remember Cindy, always keep a safe distance from the car in front of you," Mom advised, her voice calm and reassuring. "And be sure to use your signals when changing lanes, especially in this weather."
Cindy nodded, her eyes focused on the road ahead. She cautiously merged onto the highway, feeling the car slightly skid on the wet surface. Her heart raced, but she reminded
herself to stay calm and composed.
As they drove, the rain intensified, making visibility increasingly challenging. The sound of thunder echoed through the car, causing Cindy to jump in her seat. Mom reached over and patted her hand, offering words of encouragement.
"You're doing great, sweetheart. Just remember to stay focused and trust your instincts," Mom said, her voice unwavering.
Cindy's grip on the steering wheel tightened as she navigated through the storm. The rain seemed relentless, blurring her vision and making it difficult to see the road markings. She relied heavily on her instincts,
A Gift Few Can Comprehend
Who is the nicest? The story begins with Jack and Jill arguing over a young rescue Labrador that they have just adopted. They both assumed that the pup had not been named yet and it was up to them to name him.
For days, the couple had been debating the right name for their pup. Jack was keen on bestowing upon him a brave
name such as Max while Jill preferred something softer, such as Angel. The arguments seemed pointless as neither of them seemed to be willing to compromise.
Finally, on a rainy Saturday afternoon, Jack and Jill were surprised to find the active pup snoozing in a chair in the sitting room. It was then that they noticed the small ID tattoo from which, with a little additional research, they learned that the pup had already been given a name: Quincy. The couple looked at each other and sighed.
Of course, neither of them had known ahead of time that such a beautiful name had already been bestowed upon the pup.
Quincy was the perfect name - a balance of strength and softness that Jack and Jill had been arguing about for weeks.
Quincy stirred and looked up at the couple with his big brown eyes. His name was now cemented. At that moment, Jack saw the pup's intelligence and declared Quincy was the nicest amongst.the three of them. Jill disagreed, and thus, the debate for the nicest began.
Little did Jack and Jill know that this silly debate would lead to a mystery of the greatest proportions.
The Mysterious Disappearance Weeks had passed since the naming incident, and Quincy had settled into his new home with Jack and Jill. The couple had put their argument about who was the nicest on hold, focusing instead on their adorable Labrador retriever. Quincy had quickly become the center of their world, bringing joy and laughter into their lives.
One sunny afternoon, Jack and Jill decided to take Quincy for a walk in the nearby park. As they strolled along the winding path, Quincy's tail wagged with excitement, his nose sniffing the air for new scents. The park was bustling with families and their pets, creating a lively atmosphere.
Suddenly, Quincy's ears perked up, and he pulled on his leash, leading Jack and Jill towards a secluded area of the park.
They followed curiously, wondering what had caught Quincy's attention. As they reached a small clearing, they noticed a peculiar sight.
A leather collar lay abandoned on the ground, its metal tag glinting in the sunlight. Jack bent down to examine
it, his curiosity piqued. The tag read, "Max - Beloved Companion." Jack's heart skipped a beat. Max was the name he had initially wanted to give Quincy.
Jill's eyes widened with surprise. "Do you think this collar belongs to one of Quincy's former mates?" she asked, her voice filled with wonder.
Jack nodded, his mind racing with possibilities. "It's certainly possible. But why would someone leave it here?"
As they pondered the mystery, Quincy began to sniff around the collar, his tail wagging furiously. He seemed to be urging them to investigate further. Intrigued, Jack and Jill decided to follow Quincy's lead.
They ventured deeper into the park, Quincy leading the way with his nose to the ground. The path grew narrower, and the trees loomed overhead, casting long shadows. The atmosphere became eerily quiet, as if the park itself held its breath, waiting for the truth to be revealed.
After what felt like an eternity, Quincy abruptly stopped in front of an old, dilapidated shed. The door creaked open, revealing a dimly lit interior. Jack and Jill exchanged nervous
glances but pressed on, their determination fueled by Quincy's unwavering confidence.
As they cautiously stepped inside, their eyes adjusted to the dim light. The shed was filled with dusty crates and forgotten belongings. But what caught their attention was a faded photograph hanging on the wall. It depicted a Labrador retriever, identical to Quincy,
Alien Discovery Roger Applegate had always been a skeptic. He thought that aliens were a myth pushed by conspiracy theorists, and that anything extra terrestrial was impossible. Until one day when he was walking home from work. As he took his usual shortcut, he noticed someone watching him. He peered up the alley, and discovered that it was an alien.
The alien was an imposing figure, standing tall with a slight green hue to its skin; it had an alien nature to its features that Roger simply couldn't deny. Roger had to take a second look when he noticed that the alien was speaking in English. The alien addressed him and asked how he was doing.
Roger was stunned. He couldn't believe what was happening. He couldn't find his words, giving the alien time to start a conversation. The alien introduced itself as Jeff, and told Roger that he had been sent from planet Babidi to colonize earth. Jeff told him that he was one of many aliens on earth that looked and talked like humans, and that their mission had been going on for years without much attention.
Roger was in shock. He could hardly believe what Jeff was telling him, yet he felt strangely drawn to Jeff's story. He felt a connection. Jeff told Roger that he could help the aliens in their plan, and that they wanted Roger to help spread awareness of their presence.
Roger was amazed by Jeff's story and startled by his request. He reluctantly agreed to help the aliens, feeling a strange duty to help them in their quest but still skeptical. From that day onwards, Roger was cautious but on a mission to spread awareness and help the aliens in their plan.
He had discovered them, and he was determined to help them overcome the obstacles that were in their way, if what he was told was a true report of their mission.
Unveiling News of Roger's encounter with the alien named Jeff spread like wildfire. People were both intrigued and skeptical, unsure of whether to believe the claims of extraterrestrial beings living among them. The media caught wind of the story, and soon, Roger found himself in the spotlight.
Reporters hounded him day and night, eager for an exclusive interview. Roger, however, remained committed in his mission to help the aliens. He agreed to a few select interviews, carefully choosing those he believed would present his story in a fair and unbiased manner.
One of the journalists he trusted was Sarah Thompson, an investigative reporter known for her integrity and dedication to uncovering the truth. Sarah had a reputation for digging deep into stories, and Roger believed she would be the perfect person to help him verify the aliens' mission and expose their presence.
They met in a small café on a quiet street, away from the prying eyes of the media. Sarah listened intently as Roger recounted his encounter with Jeff and the aliens' assurance of their peaceful intentions. She asked probing questions, trying to understand the extent of their infiltration into human society and gradually exposing their real intentions.
"Roger, do you have any proof of their existence?" Sarah asked, her pen poised over her notepad.
Roger hesitated for a moment, realizing that he had nothing concrete to offer as evidence. "I don't have any physical proof, Sarah. But you have helped me see that they are here and have infiltrated high-ranking positions in politics and the economy. They are slowly gaining control, and if we don't act, I am afraid that they will succeed in their mission."
Sarah furrowed her brow, deep in thought. "How can we expose them without any evidence? We need something substantial to convince the public of the danger, of the extreme risk."
Roger nodded, better understanding the gravity of the situation. "I know it's a challenge, but we have to find a way. I believe there are others out there who have encountered the aliens, just like me. We need to gather their stories, their experiences, and present a united front."
Thanks for joining me. I am reluctantly considering the conclusion that much of what I have believed for as long as I have believed anything may represent far more hope than truth. Sure, I admit to taking it for granted that things actually are the way I have always thought they are, that my reality is valid and based on the true and factual, and that my sense of what's real is correct and axiomatic. Naive? Simple-minded? Perhaps dangerous? Indeed. But nonetheless, I believed.
I take some comfort in knowing that a preference for belief over thoughtful consideration didn't just start with me. The Roman philosopher Seneca observed that "Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment." It's likely that the "exercise" part of exercising judgment is the showstopper for many, if not most of us. For me at least, it has been easier to relax and believe.
Let me share a story that struggles with knowing truth from opinion, fact from belief. It gets at something important, I think. 1: A Discussion of Ideas George had been retired for many years and was, by all accounts, set in his ways and beliefs. His daughters had asked him to discuss his views and outlook with them, hoping to gain a better understanding of him as a person and the experiences that had formed him. Youngsters, they argued, may not know what life was like when their father was in his
prime, and they argued it was worthwhile for him to impart his wisdom.
The conversation began with George sharing his thoughts on a range of topics, from money management and world politics, to hard work and the purpose of life. He had very strong opinions and was keen for his daughters to take them on board and learn from them. However, the girls didn't always agree and often challenged him, proposing their own ideas which didn't always match up with his.
The discussion continued, with the subject matter becoming increasingly complex. However, one thing was becoming increasingly clear: George and his daughters were getting tangled up in trying to identify which elements of their respective beliefs and outlooks were true verses those which were not. They both seemed unable to distinguish fact from opinion and thus the conversation began to deadlock.
It was at this point someone made an interesting suggestion: why not agree to a way of telling true ideas from false ones? By finding a way to distinguish between belief and fact, hope was the conversation could begin to progress. Immediately, a spark of curiosity was kindled, as it dawned on all of them that this could be a fantastic experiment.
George and his daughters agreed to sit down at a later date to devise a way of identifying which ideas and notions were true and those which were not. If I may interrupt, Robert Brault got it right when he pointed out that "An old belief is like an old shoe. We so value its comfort that we fail to notice the hole in it." To my surprise and disappointment, I am starting to notice cracks if not actual holes in some of my most trusted beliefs. The cause and solution may be as simple as E D Martin suggests, "It is easier to believe than to doubt."
Laziness? Indifference? Bertrand Russell says it's our inherent credulity. "Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones." Perhaps I should add gullibility to lazy and naive. The picture is not looking good.
The pragmatist in me is calling out for attention. He or perhaps she is arguing that belief is not the issue. The issue is whether my unique collection of notions and ideas about how things are and how they work are serving me, furthering my interests. Admittedly, this is a rather pedestrian perspective; but if it works for me, I see little need to reason otherwise. If I may lean on Robert Brault again, "Sometimes you believe a thing that isn't true because in the world you wish to live in, it would be true.
Thanks for joining me. I’ll bet you were expecting Gary but he asked me to share a story I was sharing with him yesterday. I hope that works for you since I think this story has a message we can all take to heart. Let me just tell you the story. 1: Who Treats Who Best? Hannah was thirty-years-old and yet it felt as if she was a million miles away from her dreams and desires. She had a college degree but was stuck in a dead-end job that didn't challenge or stimulate her. She wanted more, and yet she couldn't seem to make it happen.
The one relationship that did make her feel alive and hopeful was her relationship with Jeff – the man she considered to be her soulmate. They met in college, and had been together for the five years since.
Hannah believed that she treated Jeff better than he treated her. She made sure to always show her love and appreciation for him, always putting his needs before her own. She was certain that Jeff knew how much she cared for him and treasured her.
Jeff on the other hand, thought that he treated Hannah better than she treated him. He felt he had done everything he could to prove his love to her, but he felt like she took him for granted and did not value him the way he deserved to be valued.
They each felt they had done their best in the relationship and yet it had to come to this – an argument that neither wanted to have and both wanted to avoid. Hannah believed she deserved more and Jeff felt that he was owed more. Neither of them was willing to concede and give the other what they wanted.
Finally after days of arguing (intermittently, of course), they
decided to take the disagreement to a trusted and impartial third-party – one who could tell them who truly treated who the best. They wanted to confirm whether the respect and appreciation that each had for the other was actually mutual, and it was up to this third-party to provide a definitive answer. 2: Seeking Clarity Hannah and Jeff sat nervously in the cozy living room of their friend, Sarah. The room was adorned with warm colors and soft lighting, creating an atmosphere of comfort and ease.
Sarah, a close friend to both of them, had agreed to mediate their dispute and provide an unbiased perspective on who treated who better.
As they waited for Sarah to join them, the tension in the room was palpable. Hannah fidgeted with her hands, her mind racing with doubts and insecurities. She couldn't help but wonder if she had been blind to Jeff's efforts all along. Maybe she hadn't been as attentive as she thought. Her heart ached at the thought of losing him.
Jeff, on the other hand, sat with a stoic expression, his mind filled with frustration and confusion. He loved Hannah deeply, but he couldn't shake the feeling that his efforts were going unnoticed. He desperately wanted Sarah to validate his feelings and prove that he had been right all along.
Finally, Sarah entered the room, her warm smile putting them at ease. She sat down across from them, her eyes filled with empathy. "Alright, let's get to the bottom of this," she said, her voice gentle yet firm. "I want both of you to tell me what you believe you bring to the relationship and what you feel is lacking from the other person."
Hannah took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "I believe I bring love, support, and understanding to our relationship," she began. "I always prioritize Jeff's needs and try to make him feel cherished. But sometimes, I feel like he doesn't appreciate my efforts. I want him to show me more affection and acknowledge the little things I do for him."
Jeff nodded, his eyes locked with Sarah's. "I do love Hannah, and I try my best to show it," he admitted. "But sometimes, it feels like she takes me for granted. I want her to recognize my efforts and reciprocate the love and affection I give her. I need her to make me feel valued and appreciated."
Sarah listened intently, her gaze shifting between the two.
Thanks for joining me. I thought today that I would share a short story about Zeke and his way of relating to his children and then take a closer look. I think we discover that some things don’t just apply to our children. Let’s hear the story and then dig in a little. Finding Balance: Zeke had been a father for years, and he felt he had done some things right, but he was starting to struggle now that his children had grown into teenagers. His friend listened intently as Zeke shared stories of his many parenting experiences.
Zeke told of the times his children had pushed the boundaries and how it had mostly resulted in negative outcomes. Of course, he also shared stories of how he had attempted to
address their behavior in the moment. He recalled times he had allowed natural consequences to play out, and also times when he had taken a more punitive approach.
As he continued to talk, Zeke realized that most of the discipline he had used in the past had been ineffective. His friend agreed that a different approach was needed, but he wasn't sure what would be best. After considering the situation carefully, Zeke decided that a balance of rewards and consequences might be the best option.
He figured that rewards would motivate the kids to cooperate with his rules, and that consequences would teach them to take responsibility for their behavior. He also hoped that by taking the time to explain the reasons behind his rules, his children would eventually come to understand why following them was important.
With new strategies in mind, Zeke headed home to give the plan a try. That night, all of his children were on their best behavior and seemed much more willing to cooperate. Zeke was pleased with the outcome and knew that his new approach had been a success.
From then on, Zeke swore by positive reinforcement and
consequences when it came to disciplining his children and raising them to be responsible, respectful young adults. Stop to Consider It sure sounds like Zeke is Giving serious thought to his approach to being a parent. It also sounds like he has made some changes that are over-due. But let’s take a closer look.
His old approach had been allowing natural consequences to play out or taking a more punitive approach. That sounds like wait and see or punish to me.
His new approach, rewards and consequences, does add a new element. His former “punitive approach” and the new “consequences” sound like the same approach to me, but “rewards” is new. Along with punishing his children when they take a miss-step, he now rewards them when they behave as he expects -- an over-due improvement for sure.
Of course his new approach is also known as the “carrot and stick” approach. Zeke has upped his game, but not by much. Influencing the behavior of people in general and children in particular is a lot more complex and our options go far beyond carrots and sticks.
Why should children pay attention to anything we say or tell them? Stop a second to think about what your first reaction was to the question. For most people, "Because I am the parent" or "Because I am the adult" or some variation on the theme comes to mind.
Both of these answers are reasonable and appropriate. What I want to point out here is that there are several reasons why your children should listen to what you say. It will be helpful for you to think about and understand which reason is operating when you want your children to listen, to pay attention, to accept what you are saying to them or telling them.
Your being clear about why you think they should pay attention will help them be clear about why they should pay attention this time. There is an additional payoff for you. When you are at work or in other situations where you want people to pay attention to you, being clear in your own mind about why they should pay attention will make it more likely that they will accept you and what you are saying.
Chapter I: The Change at Work
Gus was a forty-year-old manager in a large enterprise. He had worked at the company for twelve years and had just been promoted to manager. With the new title, however, came new responsibilities and expectations. The company had recently gone through some changes, and Gus was charged with helping the employees adjust and succeed in their new roles.
At first, Gus wasn't sure how to approach this. He was a task-oriented manager, and he was used to sticking to the strategies he had employed in the past. But he could see that the same methods weren't working here. He observed the team around him and noticed that they seemed to be operating in a very different style than before.
The team was more empowered, and everyone was more willing to take initiative and try out new ideas. It seemed like the company had begun to trust the employees more and give them more control. That's when Gus had a revelation. Perhaps if he gave the staff more control and autonomy, while still holding them accountable for outcomes, he could achieve the best results.
He was so sure of his idea that he decided to try it. He started by giving his team more ownership over their respective tasks and projects. He introduced regular meetings where everyone had a chance to report their progress and voice their ideas. He also held them accountable for their work and supported them when they faced obstacles.
As the weeks went by, Gus noticed that something was beginning to change. His employees were more motivated and more productive. They were beginning to take initiative and come up with new ideas for how to move the company forward. Gus was pleased with the results of his experiment and knew that he had found a winning strategy.
Chapter II: The Ripple Effect
Gus was thrilled with the positive changes he had witnessed in his team since implementing his new management strategy. The increased motivation and productivity had not only benefited the employees but had also begun to have a ripple effect throughout the entire company.
Word of Gus's success spread quickly, and other managers within the enterprise took notice. They were intrigued by the transformation they saw in Gus's team and wanted to learn more about his approach. The company's leadership recognized the potential impact of this new management style and decided to organize a workshop led by Gus to share his insights with other managers.
The workshop, titled "Empowerment and Accountability: A New Paradigm for Success," was met with great enthusiasm. Managers from various departments gathered to hear Gus speak about his experiences and the positive outcomes he had achieved. Gus shared his journey, explaining how he had initially struggled to adapt to the changing dynamics within the company but had ultimately discovered the power of giving control to his team while holding them accountable.
As Gus spoke, the room buzzed with excitement. The managers were captivated by his storytelling and eager to implement his strategies within their own teams. They recognized that the traditional top-down management approach was no longer effective in the evolving business landscape, and they were eager to embrace a new way of leading.
Gus emphasized the importance of building trust and fostering open communication. He encouraged the managers to create an environment where employees felt safe to voice their opinions, share their ideas, and take ownership of their work. He stressed the significance of providing support and guidance while still holding individuals responsible for their outcomes.
The workshop sparked a wave of change within the enterprise. Managers returned to their departments inspired and ready to implement Gus's strategies. They began by holding team meetings, just as Gus had done, where employees were encouraged to share their progress, challenges, and ideas.
Thanks for joining me.
I usually conclude episode posts with "For now, be well, do well and do something nice for someone. He or she will appreciate it and you both will have a better day."
Although this is usually true, now and then it isn't. Let's think about that today. What happens if both of you are not having a better day?
There are a lot of ways to make the point but a story will work as well as any of the others.
One:
Julio had been living in a small suburban neighborhood for the past five years. Not too long after college, he decided to settle down and start a family with Teresa, the woman he’d been in love with for more than a decade. She is a teacher and he as an accountant for a local small business. Things were going as expected until Julio got a call from his childhood friend Max who asked to stay with them for a little while.
Max told Julio that he had been looking for work and trying to make enough money to get by. He seemed desperate to get himself straightened out. Being the kind-hearted person that he was, Julio couldn’t say no, and so he and Teresa let Max move in for a couple of weeks while looking for work.
At first, Max was the perfect guest. He kept his living space tidy, cooked meals for the two of them, and would even help out with some of the odd jobs around the house. However, after a few weeks and then a few months, it became clear that Max wasn’t serious about finding work and had no plan to leave anytime soon. It wasn’t just because he hadn’t found the right job either; he seemed to be in a tailspin of despair, unable or unwilling to make any sort of progress in getting his life back on track.
Desperate for an answer, Julio approached Max about his situation. He asked his friend what was causing him so much distress, and Max said it was an inability to find hope and opportunity. He wanted to find something that would make his life worthwhile, but he just couldn’t seem to find it. After hearing Max’s story, Julio resolved to help him find a job and get his life together.
Pause to Consider:
I'll bet you have the picture. It is a lot easier to see from the outside looking in. It will take a while longer for Julio.
Two:
Julio woke up early the next morning, determined to help Max find a job. He knew that finding employment was crucial for Max to regain his sense of purpose and stability. As he sipped his coffee, Julio brainstormed different avenues they could explore.
He remembered hearing about a local construction company that was hiring. Julio thought it might be a good fit for Max, given his experience with odd jobs around the house. Excited about the prospect, he quickly finished his coffee and woke Max up.
"Max, I've got an idea," Julio said, his voice filled with enthusiasm. "There's a construction company in town that's looking for workers. I think you should give it a shot."
Max groggily rubbed his eyes and sat up. "Really? You think I could do that?"
Julio nodded. "Absolutely. You've helped me with various projects around the house, and you've always been good with your hands. Plus, it's a steady job with a decent paycheck. I'll drive you there today, and we can see if they're hiring."
Max's face brightened, and a glimmer of hope shone in his eyes. "Thank you, Julio. I appreciate your support."
They quickly got ready and hopped into Julio's car. As they drove to the construction company, Julio couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement for his friend. He knew that this opportunity could be the turning point Max needed.
Upon arriving, they walked into the bustling office. Julio approached the receptionist and inquired about job openings. She directed them to the hiring manager, Mr. Thompson, who was known for his no-nonsense approach.
Mr. Thompson, a middle-aged man with a stern expression, listened attentively as Julio explained Max's situation. He then turned his gaze towards Max, sizing him up.
"So,
Thanks for joining me.
In this episode, my associates and I are focusing on friendship. We hope the thoughts and ideas we share serve you well as you consider your friendships and whether they satisfy you along with satisfying your friends.
Let's start by considering the role of self-awareness in making and keeping friends.
Let me kick things off by asking,
"Why is it important for friends to be self-aware?"
Self-awareness is a key component of emotional intelligence, and emotional intelligence is essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships. When friends are self-aware, they are better able to understand their own feelings and behaviors, which can help them communicate more effectively with each other and can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. Self-awareness also enables friends to be more empathetic and understanding towards each other, which is vital for developing strong and long-lasting friendships. Overall, friends who are self-aware are better equipped to navigate the complexities of human relationships and are more likely to be supportive and caring towards one another.
What happens when friends are not self-aware?
When friends are not self-aware, it can lead to a number of issues in their relationship. For example, they may have difficulty understanding their own emotions and behaviors, making it harder for them to communicate effectively with each other. They may also struggle to see things from each other's perspective, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. In some cases, friends who are not self-aware may be insensitive to each other's needs and feelings, straining their relationship and even leading to the breakdown of the friendship.
Additionally, they may struggle with personal growth and development. Without a clear understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses, they may have difficulty setting and achieving goals, impacting their overall happiness and success in life.
While it's possible for friends who are not self-aware to have a good relationship, the lack of self-awareness can make it more challenging and lead to a range of issues that may negatively impact the friendship.
So how can friends become more self-aware?
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental way. It can help friends become more aware of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Engage in self-reflection: Friends can set aside time to reflect on their emotions and behaviors. This can involve journaling, meditating, or simply taking a walk and thinking about how they're feeling.
Seek feedback from others: Friends can ask each other for honest feedback on their strengths and weaknesses. This can help them develop a more accurate understanding of themselves.
Read self-help books: There are many books and resources available that can help friends develop self-awareness. For example, the book "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves can help friends learn how to improve their emotional intelligence.
Consider seeking professional help: If friends are struggling with their relationship, they may benefit from seeing a therapist or counselor who can help them develop more accurate self-awareness.
Developing self-awareness and strengthening friendships are continuous processes that require conscious effort and practice. Friends who make an effort to become more self-aware can strengthen their relationship and become more supportive and respectful toward each other.
Ok, I get that self-awareness is important, especially when I'm spending time with my good friend. But are there things I can specifically focus on or steps I can take to keep things on a more even keel?
before you invest a lot of time and energy in ramping up your personal friendship quotient, you may want to consider whether the other person re...
Thanks for joining me.
My podcasting friends and I could not get together in-person so they just uploaded their clips for me to include in this episode. The downside is that I do not have text versions of their clips to share. Please enjoy the audio podcast; and I hope you don't miss the text too much.
Thanks for joining me. For this episode, I have invited a few of my associates to share their perspectives on leadership.
of course, I have included the leader's perspective but have also asked for input from the follower's perspective. I think we too often limit our thoughts about leadership to the leader and leave the followers somewhere in the background. Here, I hope to bring the followers out so they can share what good leadership means from where they are in the leadership equation.
Let's start by asking,
Why is self-awareness important for leaders?
Self-awareness is important for leaders because it allows them to understand their own strengths, weaknesses, values, and biases. This knowledge helps leaders to better understand how they are perceived by others, which in turn allows them to interact more effectively with their team members and make better decisions. With self-awareness, leaders are able to recognize their limitations and seek help or delegate responsibilities to others who may be better suited for certain tasks. Additionally, self-awareness allows leaders to regulate their emotions and behaviors, leading to improved communication, more effective problem-solving, and greater emotional intelligence overall. Therefore, self-awareness is a key component of successful leadership.
But what happens if the leader is not self-aware?
If a leader is not self-aware, they may not fully understand their own strengths, weaknesses, biases, or the impact they have on others. This lack of awareness can make it difficult to communicate effectively with team members, make sound decisions, or empathize with others. Without self-awareness, a leader may be perceived as arrogant, insensitive, or even abusive, and this can create a toxic work environment that can negatively impact productivity, morale, and employee retention.
In addition, a leader who lacks self-awareness may also struggle to learn from their mistakes or recognize when they need to make changes to their leadership style. This can lead to a lack of growth or development in both the leader and their team, which can ultimately limit success and result in missed opportunities.
Overall, self-awareness is crucial for effective leadership and without it, a leader may struggle to build strong relationships, make informed decisions, and achieve their full potential as a leader.
Now, let's shift to the follower perspective.
If you are serious about wanting our relationship to work well for both of us:
Help me get what I want and need, help me succeed.
Assume I am trying to do well, trying to succeed.
Do not assume you are a better judge of how things are for me than I am.
Do not use yourself as the standard for how I should think, feel, or behave.
Hold me responsible only for what I can actually do and can control.
Value who I am, my style and personality.
Assume I believe what I say and do not intentionally misrepresent anything.
Respect my feelings and opinions.
Be sensitive to my motivations and interests.
Give me the benefit of the doubt when things are not clear or certain.
If you value me and our relationship:
Make time for me.
Accept me as is without trying to change me.
Respect my ideas and opinions.
If you want me to be comfortable with you and with our relationship:
Be someone I can depend on.
Do not expect me to think, feel and behave just like you.
Spend more time telling me what you think I am doing right than what you think I am doing wrong.
Do not take your problems and bad mood out on me.
If you want me to cooperate with you:
Help me understand your goals and motivations.
Give me reasons and explanations when I ask for them.
Let me try to help solve your problems instead of expecting me to accept your solutions.
Gary: Thanks for joining me.
Let’s suppose that we are screening someone for an important role. It could be anything from fixing our computer to becoming a regular date. What all do we take into consideration? Sure, there are many factors that may be important but two stand out. Let’s explore can and did.
It was Henry Wadsworth Longfellow who said, "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."
Although Longfellow’s pronouncement has superficial plausibility, it’s merely an example of polar logic. One pole is what you feel capable of doing and the other is what you have already done. The judgment reduces to can and did. You judge yourself based on “can” and others judge you based on “did” according to Longfellow. The reality is that such judgments rarely reduce to either can ... or ... did, for you or for others who judge you.
Let’s look first at can. If this is a judgment you make about yourself, is it reasonable to make it without considering “did?”
Relying exclusively on what you think you can do, without considering what you have done, places no value on prior experience. It also acknowledges an inability to learn. Alternatively, if you consider did to the exclusion of can, your behavior is simply repetitive; and you will need to take Albert Einstein’s observation to heart, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Look next at “did.” If others are expecting change, improvement, innovation, or new approaches and strategies, you aren’t the person they need. They can only expect you to do again what you did before. Unless “can” is considered, nothing new or different ever happens.
The conclusion is that can ... and ... did aren’t separable. They are the head and tail of the coin of progress.
Marc: Hey Gary, May I take a shot at this to see if I’m getting your point?
Gary: Sure, have at it.
Marc: Ok, here I go.
How then should one approach success? What is the best strategy for blending did and can? Arthur Schopenhauer pointed out, “a man can do as he will, but not will as he will.” The message is that you can’t simply “will” things to happen. You have a wide range of options for doing but no magical powers. Alexander Graham Bell said, “The most successful men in the end are those whose success is the result of steady accretion … It is the man who carefully advances step by step, with his mind becoming wider and wider - and progressively better able to grasp any theme or situation, persevering in what he knows to be practical, and concentrating his thought upon it, who is bound to succeed in the greatest degree.”
Gary: You make a strong point. It really is true that the best clue to how well any of us will do with anything we undertake is how we have dealt with things in the past. As someone wise once said, “Success begets success.”
The basis for judging ourselves or anyone else is now clearer. You and those who judge you focus on both did and can. Success is a blending of the two sides of the coin; and if your goal is to get a thumbs-up from you and from others, you need to get high marks on this short quiz. – Good luck!
Marc: Let me play teacher and ask the questions.
Gary: You have the microphone.
Marc:
Are you carefully advancing, step by step?
Is your mind becoming wider and wider?
Are you persevering in what you know to be practical?
Are you concentrating on succeeding?
Gary: You may have missed your calling.
Let’s move on.
It’s simply a variation on the old story, “Nothing succeeds like success.”
As we imagine our future successes, this is just a warning to take care to be sure that the view behind us is as exemplary as we hope the view forward will be.
Susan: If I can also join in, let me share a perspective that may at first seem to have nothing to do with can and did. On the surface, it doesn’t.
(Note) Some wise author once pointed out that writing is a joint enterprise: the writer tries hard to be as clear as possible and the reader tries equally hard to understand. If that sounds like too much effort right now, you may want to just skip these five bloggers. They are a bit less than transparent.
Blogger One:
As an impressionable undergraduate at Ohio University, there were dozens if not hundreds of potential areas of study for me to sample. Here is where I add something like, “They ranged from architecture to zoology” or even better, “from A to Z.” Let me also add a little personal data by noting I dipped into all that intellectual plenty and pulled the philosopher card. Doctor, lawyer, merchant, chief and with virtually no hesitation, I picked philosopher. A very natural and logical choice, don’t you think? There I was, eighteen-years-old and speculating about how many angels can fit on the head of a pin. Ok, that’s much more not true than true. I was an eighteen-year-old college student. What do you think I was doing? Do you have a notion, a picture in your mind’s eye? I was mostly doing that but I did do philosophy some too.
I recall telling old people (everyone too old to be an eighteen-year-old college student) I was majoring in philosophy. I got reactions from “That’s nice,” to “Why?” The “Why?” reactions eventually got me to thinking but that is a story for another post. No, I was not thinking much one way or the other right then. I was practicing being a philosopher. Thinking could wait.
With my friends (mostly other eighteen-year-old college students) I tried not to mention anything about majors or philosophy. If I slipped, they usually didn’t say anything. They mostly snickered and nodded their heads. Eye rolling was not big at O.U. back then. They did tend to perk up some when I mentioned being into logic, e.g., All men are mortal; Plato was a man; therefore…. “Would you have time to help me with…?” It was like suddenly being labeled as a geek of sorts, all be it a potentially useful geek. It tended to interfere with my plans for the rest of the time when I was not practicing being a philosopher.
On those rare occasions when I did attempt conversation incorporating a few of the more esoteric philosophical concepts and notions, “bore” seemed to characterize how I and my contributions to the discussion were perceived. I think that precipitated a life-long fear of being boring and generally uninteresting. It’s like that one youthful experience eventuating in unacknowledged trauma and periodic immobility. Ok, it wasn’t actually that bad but it certainly was the pits. Being boring was to be avoided whenever possible.
Now fast forward. I recently came across this from John Updike, “One out of three hundred and twelve Americans is a bore... and a healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.” What do you think the chances are of an eighteen-year-old college student who is rarely but still occasionally boring progressing for a few decades without becoming one of Updike’s healthy male adult bores? Does slim to none ring any bells? It gets worse. Someone who was probably so boring no one remembers his name pointed out, “The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking, but that he won't let you stop listening.”
We have come full circle. An eighteen-year-old college student naively pulls the philosopher card and inadvertently sets himself on a path to becoming a healthy male adult bore people duck away from to escape the storm of esoteric gibberish. Fortunately, this post has been mostly speculative, at least I hope it has, especially the part about people ducking away. Even so, there may be a lesson in there about social reciprocity and the ever-present risk of exposing the bore in all of us. Let me leave the analysis of that possibility to those who also pulled the philosopher card in their youth. For now,
Let’s Do a Book+1
As I concluded +0, I shared the first directive for doing a book: “I’m hoping that you can see that writing a book is near the last step in the construction process. Before that, we need to figure out what we want constructing the book to do for us. Is that benefit worth the hours, weeks, months and possibly years that constructing the final book will take? If not, there is no point in starting. But if it is, there are few better ways to indulge ourselves over time.”
Since you are here, I’m assuming that doing your book is definitely worth the time and effort it will take. Our next step is to put that net around it that I also mentioned in +0. At this stage though, casting the net is necessary but not critical. We just need to be fairly sure we are casting it wide enough to capture everything we may want to incorporate into our book and narrowly enough to exclude most of what we don’t want. We can adjust the border as the process continues, but for now, let’s cast our nets.
This may be the first big red flag for you. It’s where we turn down our egos and enthusiasm. Whether your book will be fiction or non-fiction, closely following reality or totally made up, for other scholars or for two-year-olds, it will include details and assertions that must stand up to criticism by experts. It’s not good enough to be nearly correct or to not reference well known alternative perspectives or opinions. Just as good teachers should know as much or more than their students, good authors should usually know as much or more than their readers. For example, if you are going to mention a particular place, event, theory or set of facts or characteristics, you need to get it right. Fall short here and you start losing readers who will certainly pass it along to potential readers.
Do you have to be expert on every detail? Of course not. But you do have to get everything you mention or discuss correct. No factual mistakes, please.
Do you have to know everything about anything that comes up in your book? Of course not. But you do have to get the details about anything you write about correct. No contextual errors, please.
“Are you saying that I have to carefully research everything I’m going to include in my book?”
I am indeed saying just that. Do your research. And do it before you start constructing your book, definitely do your research before you think about how your book will be organized. The structure and content of your book comes from your research. It is not something you impose on your research. You may have a story or theme in mind, but its structure and content should emerge from your research.
Let’s Get Our Research Underway
Here there is good news and bad news. Just to be up-front with you, I don’t know much of anything about the elite authors who write a book or two or three every year and who seem to have endless knowledge about most anything and everything. It is indeed impressive.
Although I don’t know this for sure, I’m pretty sure that they have people. Their people do their research, fill-in the facts and details, or at least fact check everything for the author.
If you have people, sit down with them for an hour or so, giving them a general idea about your book, and then set them to work. They can produce a reference database for you; and if something is missing while you do your book, they can pop out and fill in the missing detail or information – easy-peasy.
No people? Me neither. We will just have to do our research ourselves.
There are many approaches to researching for a book. Even so, the core idea is always the same. We want to learn as much as possible about what goes into our book and, just as important, as much as we can about those who will consume what we produce. Having said that, we really do need to put a net around it. We can never know everything about anything.
Let’s Do a Book+0
In the title, we see the first error many people make when they set out to have a book with their name on the cover. They say they are going to write a book. I suppose there are those creative folks who actually can open their computers and just start typing. The first thing you know, they have written a book. The finished book seems to have simply flowed out of them.
I admit it. I’m pretty jealous. It would definitely be cool to just open the creative hose and out comes a book. But here’s the truth of it. I don’t think there are any people who can do that. Here’s why.
A book is not a spontaneous creation. Having produced a dozen or so fairly successful books, I have come to understand that a book is not a creation, it’s a construction. I doubt that it matters what kind of book it is or for whom the book is intended. Books are much more constructed than written.
Sure, the words, sentences and paragraphs need to be written. There is no good alternative unless you can get a really smart computer to do the tedious job of writing for you. Some folks hire a ghost writer to produce the words, sentences and paragraphs for them, but that does seem a bit like cheating. For us, outsourcing writing to a computer or ghost will not do. We will make those words, sentences and paragraphs appear on our computer screens all by ourselves. – OK, if you really need to do this with a pencil on paper, go for it. Just know that, at some point, it will all have to be neatly typed and double spaced.
But I am getting way ahead of myself. Not only have I skipped over the construction part, I haven’t even mentioned the hardest part of doing a book. Before I can do a book, I have to figure out what I want the book to do. And it gets more specific. I need to figure out what I want the book to do for me. Naturally it will be good if thousands of people want to read the book and all feel better off in some way for having spent the time and energy it takes to consume a book. That’s all well and good, but if doing the book is not doing something of value for me, I’m not likely to sustain the construction process through to the finished book. Even if I do, the finished book is not very likely to do much for anyone else.
Let’s draw an analogy. You are an artist painting a picture or a musician creating a country song. If you don’t find satisfaction in the process, how likely are you to stick with it? If you don’t feel good about your final product, how likely is that others will engage with it? If you don’t think it’s awesome, I probably won’t either. Yes, you may think it’s awesome and I think it’s trash, but the first opinion is yours and always counts the most.
So what do you want your book to do for you? You want it to make you rich and famous? You can probably only get away with that if you are already rich and famous. And if you are, you have a far higher standard for releasing your next book to the public. Alternatively, if you only want to have your name on the cover so you can tell your friends that you are an author, don’t bother constructing a book. Just write down everything you do or think about for the next few months and then get your local print shop to bind it with a nice cover featuring your name. There you go. You are an author.
What Will Doing a Book Do for Me?
I’m assuming that you are not an employee or contractor. I’m also assuming that you are not doing a book for hire. In either of those situations, most of the parameters change. You may or may not enjoy the work, but what constructing the book does or does not do for you is secondary. What it does for the person or organization paying the bill is primary. Unless you have carte blanch to do as pleases you, you are constructing someone else’s book. I know little to nothing about that kind of work. My focus is only on you constructing your book, on your terms with no external constraints.
Blogger One:
An old Chinese proverb says, “Talk doesn't cook rice.” I suspect it is equally true quoting old Chinese proverbs doesn’t cook much rice either. As I consider strategies for initiating my blog, along with noting activities that do not cook rice, I’m thinking also noting those that do not lead to a successful blog would be helpful. Once I know all of the don’ts, what’s left are on the to do list. Here we go with the don’t list for blogging.
Don’t sit and stare. Doing most anything else is an improvement over just gazing into empty space. Of course, I claim to be intensely thinking and it may be true, at least a little. Even so, writing is key and although I can think without seriously thinking, think without writing and write without thinking, to write without writing is pretty much impossible or at least beyond my scope for sure.
I don’t need another cup of coffee. I know it would feel good to stretch and stroll out to the coffee pot and back. A nice cup of hot coffee might even perk me up. I could use the time to consider more fully what I want to say and the jolt of caffeine might stimulate a new insight or something. No, no coffee, no stroll into the other room, no more avoiding getting down to the business at hand.
I don’t have any more excuses. I’m far enough into it to get down to it if I am up to it. Ok, I’m getting around to it and know it’s time to either do it or screw it. The deal goes like this.
I’ll never make a post if all I do is boast about the blog I’m planning to write.
It’s indeed a little crazy but either I’m lazy or afraid of being absolutely trite.
That’s a pretty pathetic verse and sure it can get worse but I don’t feel even a little contrite.
My blog is underway and I have a post for today so I can get that coffee and stare with no further fear of being impolite.
Blogger Two:
Starting a post with a quotation or some other wise saying seems to help break the ice or since I am into clichés, it more likely is merely priming the creativity pump. Either way, a quote from Sylvia Plath struck me as useful for my present purpose, “And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”
Before using the quote, I thought a refresher on Sylvia Plath might add to the pump priming so in came Wikipedia to fill the need. Just search for Ms. Plath to find her life story or at least the Wikipedia version of her life story. The story is too intense and far too sad to tell here but think Fulbright scholarship, Pulitzer Prize for poetry, novelist, poet, controversial writer, and getting her own stamp from the Post Office. If she said it (and she did) it’s true enough for me, “…everything in life is writable about….”
This certainly opens a world of possibilities and opportunities. Now all that is needed are, “…the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise.” There you go, guts and imagination. That does reduce the challenge to rather simple terms. It surely helps to be brilliant and gifted as a serendipitous bonus but guts and imagination may be doable for most of us even if Pulitzer Prizes and our own stamp are not in the cards. We need only keep self-doubt arrested and far off our creative path.
Writing for the ages like Shakespeare or being as clever as Ogden Nash,
Would pretty well guarantee the conversion of your writing to cash.
But if guts and imagination are mostly what you’re about,
Remember the words of Sylvia Plath as you keep all self-doubt out.
Blogger Three:
Don’t you get a little suspicious when a reporter attributes a fact or other information to a “reliable source” or to “an official” who didn’t want his or her name used? It’s kind of the same thing when an author uses some insight or clever saying and then attributes it to “au...
It was quiet over the city earlier today but then she magically re-appeared. For many years, the uncertain threat from the great mouse and creatures like her has hung in the air as an ever-present disaster in waiting. Although the nagging fear is always just under the surface, there continues an underlying sense of awe and wonder. The great mouse is both villain and hero in this persisting drama.
The risk to the city and its citizens has progressed to where there is a standing team of elite hunters equipped with state-of-the-art tracking systems and combat capacity dedicated to the pursuit and capture of the great mouse, with termination authority if necessary. These elite hunters have tracked and engaged the creature over the globe and in places as disparate as jungles and subways, county fairs and stark deserts. despite their expertise and tenacity, the great mouse always avoids capture or injury, leaving the elite hunters frustrated and confused.
Her villain status is easy to understand but the concurrent hero status of the great mouse is less obvious. As powerful and terrifying as she is and as violent as the encounters are, there has never been an injury to a citizen or elite hunter, and once the smoke clears, there is never any detectable damage to property or to the environment. An encounter with the great mouse is like a horror movie where once the movie is over, everyone just goes home. It's as if nothing important ever happened - scary but without consequences.
Despite the relentless pursuit, the great mouse has become somewhat of a legend in the city. People quietly talk about her adventures and the elite team's failed attempts to capture her. She is like a ghost, always disappearing just as the trap closes. And the heigh-stakes cat and mouse game continues with no end in sight.
It has been less than an hour ago that the great mouse appeared again, standing triumphantly on a wire high above the city. She looked down at the citizens with a mischievous twinkle in her eye and then vanished into thin air, with the echo of her roar the only evidence of her ever having been here.
The elite hunters have spent years trying to capture the elusive great mouse, but all of their efforts so far have been in vain. The hunters have become more and more frustrated as time passes. They are starting to believe that the great mouse is unbeatable. They have tried every weapon, trick and strategy in their arsenal but nothing seemed to work.
As if to rub their noses in their ineffectiveness, some time back, the great mouse appeared out of nowhere, standing right in front of the team. She looked at them with that amused grin, and then just disappeared into the distance, leaving them shocked and baffled.
Since that humiliating day, The elite hunters have been more determined than ever to stop the great mouse. They have spent many sleepless nights discussing and strategizing, trying to come up with new ways to thwart her.
Now and then, the elite hunters are dispatched to capture her. But no matter what they try, the great mouse eludes them, always staying one step ahead. She seems to possess some kind of otherworldly intelligence, capable of sensing danger from miles away. And yet, she never causes any harm to the citizens, choosing instead to play cat and mouse with the hunters.
One day, while the team was out scouting a new area for potential traps, they stumbled upon a forest. It was a dark, foreboding place, with trees so tall they seemed to touch the sky. As they pushed their way through the undergrowth, they noticed something moving in the distance. And to their surprise, it was the great mouse. She was crouched at the base of a tree, watching them. But this time, the amused grin was missing.
They immediately sprang into action, surrounding the great mouse. But the great mouse seemed unfazed. She snarled and growled, baring her teeth and showing off her incredible strength.
As they watched,
Should or May
As a blind person, I am told that I should be an advocate for other blind people and for accessible services and technology. What are the pros and cons of this position?
As an advocate for other blind people and for accessible services and technology, there are both pros and cons to consider.
Pros:
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You can be a voice for the blind community and raise awareness about their needs, rights and issues they face
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You can work towards creating a more inclusive and accessible environment for blind people
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You can help shape policies and regulations by advocating to lawmakers and government officials
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You can build a sense of community and support among blind individuals and their families
Cons:
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Advocacy work can be time-consuming and emotionally draining, and may require significant effort to see visible results
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You may face opposition or criticism from people who don't understand or value the importance of accessible services and technology for blind people
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Depending on the scale of your advocacy work, there may be legal and financial implications that you need to consider
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Being a public advocate can also bring unwanted attention and scrutiny to your personal life.
Ultimately, being an advocate for other blind people and for accessible services and technology can be a rewarding and impactful way to make a difference in the world. However, it's important to carefully consider both the benefits and challenges before taking on the role.
Should I advocate for blindness issues just because I am a blind person. Is it a responsibility or a choice?
Advocating for blindness issues as a blind person is a personal choice rather than a responsibility. While it's true that blind individuals face unique challenges and often have valuable insights and perspectives to share, not all blind people may feel inclined or equipped to engage in advocacy work.
That being said, being an advocate for blindness issues can be a way to advance the cause of accessibility and inclusion for yourself and other blind people. It can also be a way to build a sense of community and support among blind individuals and their families.
Ultimately, whether or not you choose to advocate for blindness issues is up to you. If you do decide to engage in advocacy work, it's important to approach it in a way that feels meaningful and sustainable for you, whether that's through direct action, community building, policy work, or other means.
If I choose to advocate, what are the 10 most important points I should be making.
As an advocate for blindness issues, here are ten important points to consider making:
Accessible education: Blind individuals should have equal access to education and be provided with the necessary accommodations to succeed academically.
Employment: Blind individuals should have equal opportunities to work, and workplaces should be made accessible to people of all abilities.
Accessibility: Blind individuals should be able to access essential services and technologies, such as transportation, communication, and information, in an accessible and equitable way.
Inclusion: Blind individuals should be included in all aspects of society and should not face discrimination or exclusion based on their disability.
Training and skills development: Blind individuals should have opportunities to gain skills and training to overcome barriers they face in the workplace, in education, and in their personal lives.
Research and innovation: There should be ongoing research and innovation to improve the quality of life for blind individuals, including advancements in technology and accessibility.
Advocacy and representation: Blind individuals and their families should have access to advocacy and representation to ensure that their rights and needs are addressed at all levels of society.
Hey folks, I'm Harlin and am going to tell you a story. Some say that I made it all up but I'm telling you that it's all true. You can believe it or not, but I'm sticking with it.
I'm just a country boy who happened into a situation. I don't doubt it a bit that you would have handled things as well or probably better than I did, but there I was and someone had to do something. It's just like my grandpa told me every chance I got, "When the going gets rough, you have do do what you have to do." So I did.
Let me tell you what happened and then you can decide for yourself. Did it really happen or am I just full of it?
I have lived down a one lane road off the highway all my life. It's pretty much what you might expect. An old farm house where my grandpa was a boy and my folks and four brothers called home. I won't go on about that since that's not the story I am telling you. Even so, home is a place where you can get some good air and raise some hell now and then. If you know, you know and if not, I sure don't have time to educate you about being a country boy. I'll just leave it at that.
I still don't know what got into me but one Tuesday morning I got it in my head that I needed to pack up and take the train to the big city to find out what that was all about. So That's what I did and there's where this story starts.
As I stepped off the train, I found the surrounded by towering skyscrapers and honking cars. The noise and frenetic pace of the city were overwhelming at first, but eventually, I grew accustomed to it. The city was alive, filled with a cacophony of sounds: cars, buses, and taxis honking their horns, people chattering away in different languages, construction sites, and street performances. The sights were equally intoxicating: towering buildings with neon lights, busy markets full of people pushing their way through the crowds, and street food stands with their vibrant colors and irresistible smells.
I started my day by wandering through the busy streets, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. I marveled at the department stores with their gleaming windows and the street performers who captivated crowds with their performances. I saw huge billboards advertising everything from cars to clothes to the latest gadgets.
As I continued my exploration, I passed through different neighborhoods, each with its unique vibe and personality. I saw people from all walks of life, each with their own story to tell. I heard different languages being spoken and ate food from different cultures.
As the sun started to set, I realized that I had never felt so alive. The city had awakened something inside me, and I knew I wasn't ready to leave just yet. So instead, I found a small apartment to rent for a few weeks and continued my exploration of the city.
For the next few weeks, I continued discovering new things, meeting new people, and learning about different cultures. I ate at Michelin-starred restaurants and tiny street food stalls. I visited museums, galleries, and music festivals. I even tried my hand at salsa dancing, something I had never done before.
Eventually, my time in the city came to an end, But just as I was preparing to go home, I noticed some odd happenings in the last neighborhood I visited. I did not understand their significance but knew I should stick around to better understand this unusual activity.
I had noticed something strange happening in the last neighborhood I visited. People were whispering in hushed tones, and the normally bustling streets were eerily quiet. I tried to ask around to understand what was happening, but no one seemed willing to talk. Curiosity gnawed at me, and I knew I couldn't leave until I figured out what was going on.
After asking around, I stumbled upon a small store with a handwritten sign that read "Open for business." Curiosity piqued, I entered the store and was surprised to see people huddled in corners or gathered around a small radi...
Thanks for joining me.
When was the last time you had to make an important decision? For most of us, it doesn’t come up very often. We make a lot of decisions and choices; but for the most part, they are not special or overly consequential for us personally. We have the knowledge, experience, expertise and tested judgment to make the decision or choice. They are well within our wheelhouse.
At times though, we have to just take a deep breath and decide, make the hard choice. Those are the choices and decisions I want to focus on. Those are the times when failure is most consequential and success is most important. I’m talking about change, but this time we are the agent behind the change.
I think we all know that things are constantly changing, whether or not we are paying attention to the changes. It may seem that everything is the same today as they were yesterday, but they aren’t. Even if we don’t notice, nothing is quite the same today as it was yesterday. Things change, people change, circumstances change, and we change too.
What this fact of life and living demonstrates is that change is a process and not an event. The outcome may appear to be spontaneous but never is. Fortunately, we can usually understand what happened if we stop to consider it carefully. Even if we don’t understand, we know that the change was a result of a process that is just not clear to us.
At times, we decide that we are not satisfied with the status quo and want things or circumstances to change. The change we want may be for us, our family, a specific relationship, our work team, our company or other organization, our community, or within any context where we think change is desirable or necessary. That is when we consider initiating the change process.
We know we don’t like how things currently are, and we have a notion about how we would like them to be. Getting from where things are now to how we want them to be is an example of the change process that is always chugging away. For this change though, we intend to be the change agent.
Whenever you intend to be the change agent, there are twelve questions you should ask and answer before initiating the change process that leads to the change you want; and the bigger or more important the change is for you and for others, the more critical it is for you to ask and answer the twelve questions.
Here are the twelve questions. Answer each “Yes,” or “No,” in relation to the change process you intend to initiate. For these questions, “yes” is only “Yes” if you are quite sure. If not, the answer is “NO,” until you are sure.
Do you expect the change process to succeed, to make a positive difference?
Do you have a realistic vision of or perception of success – how things will be when the change succeeds?
Are you personally motivated by the likely payoff or outcome of the change?
Do you understand that – in the long run – it would take as much time and energy to maintain the status quo or current situation as it will to get the payoff from the change?
Are you prepared to take full responsibility for your participation and interaction throughout the change process?
Do you understand your active role and influence in the change process?
Do you understand and are you committed to what will be required for the process to succeed?
Are you confident in your ability to do what is necessary to realize the expected change?
Are you comfortable working with the others involved in the change process?
Are you looking beyond simple self-interest in the change succeeding?
Do you see each participant benefiting from his or her participation in the change process?
Are you being realistic about your ability, skill, and capacity to function effectively within the change process?
Did you answer “Yes” to each of the twelve questions?
Thanks for joining me.
When was the last time you had to make an important decision? For most of us, it doesn’t come up very often. We make a lot of decisions and choices; but for the most part, they are not special or overly consequential for us personally. We have the knowledge, experience, expertise and tested judgment to make the decision or choice. They are well within our wheelhouse.
At times though, we have to just take a deep breath and decide, make the hard choice. Those are the choices and decisions I want to focus on. Those are the times when failure is most consequential and success is most important. I’m talking about change, but this time we are the agent behind the change.
I think we all know that things are constantly changing, whether or not we are paying attention to the changes. It may seem that everything is the same today as they were yesterday, but they aren’t. Even if we don’t notice, nothing is quite the same today as it was yesterday. Things change, people change, circumstances change, and we change too.
What this fact of life and living demonstrates is that change is a process and not an event. The outcome may appear to be spontaneous but never is. Fortunately, we can usually understand what happened if we stop to consider it carefully. Even if we don’t understand, we know that the change was a result of a process that is just not clear to us.
At times, we decide that we are not satisfied with the status quo and want things or circumstances to change. The change we want may be for us, our family, a specific relationship, our work team, our company or other organization, our community, or within any context where we think change is desirable or necessary. That is when we consider initiating the change process.
We know we don’t like how things currently are, and we have a notion about how we would like them to be. Getting from where things are now to how we want them to be is an example of the change process that is always chugging away. For this change though, we intend to be the change agent.
Whenever you intend to be the change agent, there are twelve questions you should ask and answer before initiating the change process that leads to the change you want; and the bigger or more important the change is for you and for others, the more critical it is for you to ask and answer the twelve questions.
Here are the twelve questions. Answer each “Yes,” or “No,” in relation to the change process you intend to initiate. For these questions, “yes” is only “Yes” if you are quite sure. If not, the answer is “NO,” until you are sure.
Do you expect the change process to succeed, to make a positive difference?
Do you have a realistic vision of or perception of success – how things will be when the change succeeds?
Are you personally motivated by the likely payoff or outcome of the change?
Do you understand that – in the long run – it would take as much time and energy to maintain the status quo or current situation as it will to get the payoff from the change?
Are you prepared to take full responsibility for your participation and interaction throughout the change process?
Do you understand your active role and influence in the change process?
Do you understand and are you committed to what will be required for the process to succeed?
Are you confident in your ability to do what is necessary to realize the expected change?
Are you comfortable working with the others involved in the change process?
Are you looking beyond simple self-interest in the change succeeding?
Do you see each participant benefiting from his or her participation in the change process?
Are you being realistic about your ability, skill, and capacity to function effectively within the change process?
Did you answer “Yes” to each of the twelve questions?
Gary: Thanks for joining me.
Let’s suppose that we are screening someone for an important role. It could be anything from fixing our computer to becoming a regular date. What all do we take into consideration? Sure, there are many factors that may be important but two stand out. Let’s explore can and did.
It was Henry Wadsworth Longfellow who said, "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."
Although Longfellow’s pronouncement has superficial plausibility, it’s merely an example of polar logic. One pole is what you feel capable of doing and the other is what you have already done. The judgment reduces to can and did. You judge yourself based on “can” and others judge you based on “did” according to Longfellow. The reality is that such judgments rarely reduce to either can ... or ... did, for you or for others who judge you.
Let’s look first at can. If this is a judgment you make about yourself, is it reasonable to make it without considering “did?”
Relying exclusively on what you think you can do, without considering what you have done, places no value on prior experience. It also acknowledges an inability to learn. Alternatively, if you consider did to the exclusion of can, your behavior is simply repetitive; and you will need to take Albert Einstein’s observation to heart, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Look next at “did.” If others are expecting change, improvement, innovation, or new approaches and strategies, you aren’t the person they need. They can only expect you to do again what you did before. Unless “can” is considered, nothing new or different ever happens.
The conclusion is that can ... and ... did aren’t separable. They are the head and tail of the coin of progress.
Marc: Hey Gary, May I take a shot at this to see if I’m getting your point?
Gary: Sure, have at it.
Marc: Ok, here I go.
How then should one approach success? What is the best strategy for blending did and can? Arthur Schopenhauer pointed out, “a man can do as he will, but not will as he will.” The message is that you can’t simply “will” things to happen. You have a wide range of options for doing but no magical powers. Alexander Graham Bell said, “The most successful men in the end are those whose success is the result of steady accretion … It is the man who carefully advances step by step, with his mind becoming wider and wider - and progressively better able to grasp any theme or situation, persevering in what he knows to be practical, and concentrating his thought upon it, who is bound to succeed in the greatest degree.”
Gary: You make a strong point. It really is true that the best clue to how well any of us will do with anything we undertake is how we have dealt with things in the past. As someone wise once said, “Success begets success.”
The basis for judging ourselves or anyone else is now clearer. You and those who judge you focus on both did and can. Success is a blending of the two sides of the coin; and if your goal is to get a thumbs-up from you and from others, you need to get high marks on this short quiz. – Good luck!
Marc: Let me play teacher and ask the questions.
Gary: You have the microphone.
Marc:
Are you carefully advancing, step by step?
Is your mind becoming wider and wider?
Are you persevering in what you know to be practical?
Are you concentrating on succeeding?
Gary: You may have missed your calling.
Let’s move on.
It’s simply a variation on the old story, “Nothing succeeds like success.”
As we imagine our future successes, this is just a warning to take care to be sure that the view behind us is as exemplary as we hope the view forward will be.
Susan: If I can also join in, let me share a perspective that may at first seem to have nothing to do with can and did. On the surface, it doesn’t.
Thanks for joining me.
Are you responsible for making changes in your family, your organization, your community or perhaps your personal situation? There is a formula, but that should never be confused with simple.
There are two facts of life that cannot be avoided. First, every organization or situation is organized and functioning perfectly to get exactly the outcomes it is getting. If you are satisfied with the current outcomes, all is well. You have nothing to do. If not, change is necessary. There is no alternative.
Second, the organization or situation has a history. It did not get in its current state over night. At some point in the past, things were better. Deteriorating to its current state happened gradually, and the circumstances and processes leading to the current deteriorated state are well-entrenched. There are no quick fixes, as tempting as giving one a try might be.
So what are the key steps for any leader or for anyone who doesn’t want to simply maintain the status quo? Let’s think about that.
First, what do you want to happen? There are three possibilities. You may want things to improve or get better. Next, you may want things to change or be different in some way you define. Finally, you may want to prevent something from happening or prevent some danger or risk from actualizing. In short, you want to improve, change or prevent. Sure, you may want to achieve more than one of these outcomes at the same time.
Second, take a close look at how things are right now. List everything that will be different when you achieve one or more of the outcomes in the first step. What will be different when things improve, when things change or when the danger or risk have been prevented?
Third, step two gives you a list of things that have to be changed or modified. For each of those action elements, what will it take to change or modify each of those elements? That gives you a step-by-step strategy for disrupting the status quo by changing or realigning each of the items on the list from step two to align with the new status from step one. It’s much like remodeling a house. You first envision the newly remodeled house and then determine what needs to be changed or modified in the original house, along with specifying what stays unchanged. You then develop a strategy for making the needed changes or modifications.
When we are dissatisfied with the status quo, the temptation to just do something can be very hard to resist. Too often, people can’t hold back. They do this or that, and before they understand what is happening, instead of things being better, they are a mess, are worse than they were before anything was done to improve, change or prevent.
There is an additional factor that is easily overlooked. Usually, we can’t shut down things while we are improving, changing or preventing. With our families, most organizations or other ongoing entities, we can’t put things on hold. Even though we are dissatisfied with the status quo, there are continuing responsibilities that require our attention. Even with remodeling a house, we may still need to live there while the remodeling is happening.
We normally need to be sure that our activities directed to improving, changing or preventing don’t disrupt or destabilize the status quo so much that things stop working or become dysfunctional. The requirement not to cause the status quo to crash means that the order of intervention and how rapidly it happens have to be managed in relation to assuring that the disruption in the status quo is also carefully managed. The simple idea is to cause as little harm or inconvenience as possible.
Let’s summarize.
What do you want to improve, change or prevent?
Specifically, what elements will be changed or replaced once you have achieved what you want?
What is your strategy for changing or replacing each of the elements?
Let’s Do a Book
In the title, we see the first error many people make when they set out to have a book with their name on the cover. They say they are going to write a book. I suppose there are those creative folks who actually can open their computers and just start typing. The first thing you know, they have written a book. The finished book seems to have simply flowed out of them.
I admit it. I’m pretty jealous. It would definitely be cool to just open the creative hose and out comes a book. But here’s the truth of it. I don’t think there are any people who can do that. Here’s why.
A book is not a spontaneous creation. Having produced a dozen or so fairly successful books, I have come to understand that a book is not a creation, it’s a construction. I doubt that it matters what kind of book it is or for whom the book is intended. Books are much more constructed than written.
Sure, the words, sentences and paragraphs need to be written. There is no good alternative unless you can get a really smart computer to do the tedious job of writing for you. Some folks hire a ghost writer to produce the words, sentences and paragraphs for them, but that does seem a bit like cheating. For us, outsourcing writing to a computer or ghost will not do. We will make those words, sentences and paragraphs appear on our computer screens all by ourselves. – OK, if you really need to do this with a pencil on paper, go for it. Just know that, at some point, it will all have to be neatly typed and double spaced.
But I am getting way ahead of myself. Not only have I skipped over the construction part, I haven’t even mentioned the hardest part of doing a book. Before I can do a book, I have to figure out what I want the book to do. And it gets more specific. I need to figure out what I want the book to do for me. Naturally it will be good if thousands of people want to read the book and all feel better off in some way for having spent the time and energy it takes to consume a book. That’s all well and good, but if doing the book is not doing something of value for me, I’m not likely to sustain the construction process through to the finished book. Even if I do, the finished book is not very likely to do much for anyone else. … Press play to listen.
I suspect you have a superpower, as do I. Does that make us special or perhaps even extraordinary? Let’s hear from the older gentleman who is that age when he becomes too old to be taken seriously anymore.
Thanks for joining me.
Sorry, but I’m having a bad day.
I know, it’s unlikely that you care about my bad day. Even so, there is an up side to my bad day. It has led me to a couple of points that may be worth your time. Either way, it is what it is and I’m happy you’re here. Let’s get to it and you’ll see if my bad day turns out to have an up side for you too.
So, what’s your notion of a bad day? I’m not thinking here about big events that foretell major or lasting consequences. Rather I am thinking about those little annoyances and inconveniences that disrupt our otherwise comfortable and more or less predictable days.
You know the kinds of things I am talking about: not being able to find your car keys, dropping your iPhone and cracking the screen, dripping coffee on your clean shirt, getting a phone call that you have to take just as you are leaving the house when you’re already running ten minutes late, remembering as you head out for lunch that you were supposed to be at the dentist two hours ago, realizing that you still haven’t started that report your boss needs this afternoon and you had planned to finish yesterday. (You have the idea. Press Play to listen.)
I asked Petey to share the best and most useful ideas about Women and Leadership. The result is interesting. As you will learn, it got a little tweak or so but the result is true to Petey’s view. Listen and see what your take on it is.
Thanks for joining me. The Question is, “should all blind people be expected to be advocates for themselves and other blind folks?” If the topic interests you, just press play and have a listen.
Thanks for joining me. I sent out a text to a few of my associates to see if they wanted to share their thoughts about something they think is worth everyone knowing. The deal was that they could just record their ideas wherever they happened to be at the time, not worrying about the little recording niceties. Four of them took me up on the offer. I also added a thought or so of my own.
I think you will find something here worth knowing. Just press play and enjoy.
Hey folks, I’m Harlin and am going to tell you a story. Some say that I made it all up but I’m telling you that it’s all true. You can believe it or not, but I’m sticking with it.
I’m just a country boy who happened into a situation. I don’t doubt it a bit that you would have handled things as well or probably better than I did, but there I was and someone had to do something. It’s just like my grandpa told me every chance he got, “When the going gets rough, you have do do what you have to do.” So I did.
Let me tell you what happened and then you can decide for yourself. Did it really happen or am I just full of it?
I have lived down a one lane road off the highway all my life. It’s pretty much what you might expect. An old farmhouse where my grandpa was a boy and my folks and four brothers called home. I won’t go on about that since that’s not the story I am telling you. Even so, home is a place where you can get some good air and raise some hell now and then. If you know, you know and if not, I sure don’t have time to educate you about being a country boy. I’ll just leave it at that.
I still don’t know what got into me but one Tuesday morning I got it in my head that I needed to pack up and take the train to the big city to find out what that was all about. So That’s what I did and there’s where this story starts. (Press play and hear Harlen’s story.)
Thanks for joining me.
Just a while ago, I caught a news flash that said the great mouse was spotted over the city. If you don’t know about the great mouse, maybe you know her better as Sasquatch. Out here in the hinterland we call him Big Foot.
I’m thinking that we might spend our time today getting up to speed for those who may not know the background. Even if you do, you may not know about the city incarnation. That would be the great mouse.
I brought in our announcer guy to tell the story for us. The really cool addition is that he also brought his slide show including a lot of clips of chases by the big city elite hunters. Now there’s a high tech pack of great mouse chasers for you.
At any rate, I’ll also show his slide show as he tells the story. All you need to do is turn up your imagination and the pictures will pop into your mind. It’s true. They will just pop in. If you’re skeptical, give it a try and see for yourself.
OK, here we go. The big city Sasquatch, AKA The Great Mouse. (Press Play to hear the full story.)
Thanks for joining me.
You may not know about the aliens that live among us, but please know that they are here and have been among us for many years.
I have gotten access to a recent recording that raises important issues that are receiving inadequate attention from the Congressman and the country more generally, according to the aliens.
Unfortunately, I cannot disclose how I got access to the recording but am leaking it to you in the hope that you will do what you can to make sure these issues get the attention they desperately require. It is discraceful that our Congress gives lip service but does little to eliminate these festering stains on our collective character and pride.
Please listen carefully and consider what you can do to improve our country for all of our fellow residents. (Please press Play to hear the secret recording.)
Thanks for joining me. In this episode, I will be sharing some thoughts and ideas about being a successful parent. At the heart of it, Parenting, like other interpersonal responsibilities, starts with self-awareness. Yes, it is important to focus on our children but it is equally important to focus on us. How we relate, behave and interact with our children is the essence of parenting and how successful we are as parents.
I have asked a few of my associates to join me to share their perspectives on being parents and the role of self-awareness.
So let’s get started by asking, “Why is self-awareness important for parents?”
Self-awareness is important for parents because it helps them understand their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, which in turn helps them better understand and respond to their children’s needs. When parents are self-aware, they are able to regulate their own emotions and behavior, creating a more positive and supportive environment for their children. Additionally, self-awareness allows parents to recognize and acknowledge their own weaknesses and limitations, which can help them seek out resources and support when needed. By being self-aware, parents model healthy coping skills and emotional regulation for their children, in turn promoting their children’s own emotional intelligence and resilience.
But what happens if parents are not self-aware? … (Please press play to hear the full episode.)
Thanks for joining me. For this episode, I have invited a few of my associates to share their perspectives on leadership.
of course, I have included the leader’s perspective but have also asked for input from the follower’s perspective. I think we too often limit our thoughts about leadership to the leader and leave the followers somewhere in the background. Here, I hope to bring the followers out so they can share what good leadership means from where they are in the leadership equation.
Let’s start by asking, “Why is self-awareness important for leaders?”
Self-awareness is important for leaders because it allows them to understand their own strengths, weaknesses, values, and biases. This knowledge helps leaders to better understand how they are perceived by others, which in turn allows them to interact more effectively with their team members and make better decisions. With self-awareness, leaders are able to recognize their limitations and seek help or delegate responsibilities to others who may be better suited for certain tasks. Additionally, self-awareness allows leaders to regulate their emotions and behaviors, leading to improved communication, more effective problem-solving, and greater emotional intelligence overall. Therefore, self-awareness is a key component of successful leadership.
But what happens if the leader is not self-aware?
If a leader is not self-aware, they may not fully understand their own strengths, weaknesses, biases, or the impact they have on others. This lack of awareness can make it difficult to communicate effectively with team members, make sound decisions, or empathize with others. Without self-awareness, a leader may be perceived as arrogant, insensitive, or even abusive, and this can create a toxic work environment that can negatively impact productivity, morale, and employee retention.
In addition, a leader who lacks self-awareness may also struggle to learn from their mistakes or recognize when they need to make changes to their leadership style. This can lead to a lack of growth or development in both the leader and their team, which can ultimately limit success and result in missed opportunities.
Overall, self-awareness is crucial for effective leadership and without it, a leader may struggle to build strong relationships, make informed decisions, and achieve their full potential as a leader.
Now, let’s shift to the follower perspective. (Please listen to the episode for the follower perspective.)
I am happy to include this preview of On Self-awareness that you can find at https://onself-awareness.com.
Thanks for joining me today.
I have gathered examples of self-awareness situations for your consideration. They will help you to see the range of interpersonal snippets where self-awareness is critical. People have expectations of us and our ability to understand the expectation and respond accordingly is essential.
For most of the situations, you can leave your self-awareness on auto. You will likely respond appropriately without giving it any special thought. We cannot be continuously self-aware 24/7. Now and then though, we need to bring our self-awareness front and center.
{{pause=1.0}}
When might you need to bring your self-awareness to the forefront?
Is this the first time you have been in this situation with this person?
Are you getting a negative vive from the other person?
Are you having an uncomfortable emotional reaction to the situation?
Have you handled this particular type of situation poorly with this person or with someone else?
Are you getting the impression that you are about to handle the situation differently than is your norm?
As you can see, you are on alert for red flags.
As you consider the examples, I suggest you just listen and quickly think about whether this is a situation where you can just keep your self-awareness on auto and let it play out as it will or if this is a situation where you need to turn up your self-awareness. That is a quick Yes or No.
You may also want to listen for examples where you might want to press pause and give the situation a little more thought, give it a self-awareness preview. What about the situation is throwing up a red flag for you?
I’m going to start with a short thought or so about sticking to the high road and then we will get into the examples.
{{Split}}
Thanks for listening. I hope you have a somewhat better perspective on the range and scope of situations where self-awareness can be critical. In future episodes of On Self-awareness, I will be exploring other areas and situations where self-awareness can make the difference for you and for others who need to interact with you. We will also be spending time considering situations and circumstances where other people are not specifically involved but your self-awareness may be the central element of success or non-success.
Be well, do well and take a moment to do something nice for someone else. The cost is low and the reward may be nice for you and for the other person.
There are many ways to think about change: good news/bad news and such. Take your pick. It really doesn’t matter since your only actual choice is to deal with it or just let it deal with you. Sure, I included a cool ear worm to distract you from what is, in the end, an easy choice.
Can you follow as easily as you lead? Do you switch depending on the situation or just be your best you? Do you always know what and why or is it sometimes a mystery even to you? This set of tips may be just what you need to answer the questions. If not, the ear worms will make up for your disappointment.
I make my choices and don’t expect you to make the same choices. I manage my time and include you in my time priorities. Sometimes I am in charge and sometimes you are. Sticking to this is neither simple nor easy. Three interesting ear worms may help.
Self-awareness, Leadership, and Personal Success: A Challenge for Each of Us
by OpenAI with editorial assistance from Gary
Self-awareness, leadership, and personal success are three interrelated concepts that are critical for anyone looking to achieve their full potential in
both their professional and personal lives. In this article, we will explore these concepts in depth, and provide some insights into how they can be integrated
to help you achieve greater success and fulfillment.
Self-awareness is the foundation of personal and professional growth. It is the process of understanding your own thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and motivations.
When you are self-aware, you have a clearer understanding of your strengths, weaknesses, and areas for growth. This knowledge can help you make better
decisions, build stronger relationships, and achieve your personal and professional goals.
Leadership is about inspiring and guiding others to achieve a common goal. It requires a combination of interpersonal and communication
skills, emotional intelligence, and the ability to think and act strategically. A good leader is able to inspire others to believe in their vision, build
trust, and communicate effectively to drive results.
Personal success, on the other hand, is a highly personal and subjective concept. It is about achieving your goals, both personal and professional, and
finding fulfillment and satisfaction in your life. Personal success can encompass a wide range of areas, including career success, financial success, personal
relationships, and physical and mental well-being.
So, how can these three concepts be integrated to help you achieve greater success and fulfillment? Here are ttwelve key strategies to consider:
-
Develop your self-awareness: To be a successful leader, you need to have a good understanding of yourself. Take the time to reflect on your strengths,
weaknesses, and areas for growth. Consider seeking feedback from others, and engage in activities that help you build self-awareness, such as mindfulness
meditation or journaling. -
Improve your communication skills: Good communication skills are essential for both personal success and effective leadership. When you communicate
clearly and effectively, you can build stronger relationships, convey your ideas and vision, and inspire others to follow your lead. -
Manage your time effectively: Good time management is important for both personal success and effective leadership. When you manage your time effectively,
you can prioritize your activities, reduce stress, and increase your productivity. -
Build your confidence: Confidence is an important component of both personal success and effective leadership. When you believe in yourself, you are
more likely to take risks, pursue your goals, and overcome challenges. As a leader, confidence also inspires others to believe in you and follow your lead. -
Cultivate empathy: Empathy is an important component of emotional intelligence and is crucial for effective leadership. When you are able to understand
and relate to the experiences and emotions of others, you can build stronger relationships, communicate more effectively, and lead with greater impact. -
Be adaptable: Adaptability is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you are able to adapt to change, you can remain
flexible, respond to new challenges, and continue to grow and develop. As a leader, adaptability also allows you to be responsive to the changing needs
of your team and organization. -
Lead with authenticity: Authenticity is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you are true to yourself and your
values, you can build stronger relationships, convey your ideas and vision with greater impact, and lead with integrity. -
Set achievable goals: Setting goals is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you set goals, you can focus your efforts,
measure your progress, and stay motivated. As a leader, setting goals also helps you align your team and organization around a common vision. -
Build resilience: Resilience is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you are resilient, you can bounce back from
setbacks, handle stress, and maintain a positive outlook. As a leader, resilience helps you lead by example and inspire others to persevere in the face
of adversity. -
Surround yourself with positive people: The people you surround yourself with can have a significant impact on your personal success and leadership
effectiveness. When you surround yourself with positive, supportive people, you can gain new perspectives, build stronger relationships, and stay motivated. -
Celebrate your successes: Celebrating your successes is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you take the time
to acknowledge your achievements, you can build confidence, stay motivated, and continue to grow and develop. -
Continuously learn and grow: Personal and professional growth is an ongoing process, and continuous learning is essential for both personal success
and effective leadership. Whether it’s through reading, attending workshops, or seeking feedback, making a commitment to continuous learning will help
you stay current, develop new skills, and continue to grow and evolve as a leader.
Becoming a successful and effective leader, developing self-awareness, and achieving personal success is a lifelong journey. It requires ongoing
effort, reflection, and a commitment to continuous improvement.
• Embrace change: Change is a constant in life and as a leader, it’s important to be comfortable with change and adapt to new situations. Embracing change
can help you stay open to new ideas, opportunities, and experiences.
• Foster a growth mindset: A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities and qualities can be developed and improved through effort and learning.
When you adopt a growth mindset, you become more open to feedback, more resilient in the face of challenges, and more likely to continuously grow and develop.
• Practice gratitude: Gratitude is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you practice gratitude, you become more mindful
of the positive aspects of your life and the people and experiences that bring you joy.
• Give back to your community: Giving back to your community is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you give back,
you can build stronger relationships, develop new skills, and make a positive impact on the lives of others.
In summary, leadership, self-awareness, and personal success are interconnected and require ongoing effort, reflection, and a commitment to continuous
improvement. By focusing on these areas and incorporating the strategies outlined above, you can become a more effective leader, develop greater self-awareness,
and achieve greater personal success.
Let’s shift down a level to bring more clarity to this important challenge that we share. Leadership, self-awareness, and personal success are interrelated and can be integrated in several ways:
-
Clarity of purpose: A clear understanding of your personal values and goals is essential for both self-awareness and personal success. When you know
what you want to achieve, it becomes easier to focus your efforts and prioritize your activities. This clarity of purpose also forms the foundation of
good leadership, as it helps you communicate your vision and inspire others to follow your lead. -
Self-reflection: Self-awareness is crucial for personal success and effective leadership. By taking the time to reflect on your thoughts, emotions,
and actions, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and identify areas for growth and improvement. This self-reflection can help you become a
better leader by increasing your emotional intelligence and helping you to communicate more effectively with others. -
Emotional intelligence: Effective leaders have high emotional intelligence, which allows them to understand and manage their own emotions and those
of others. This emotional intelligence can be developed through self-reflection, mindfulness, and self-awareness practices. By integrating self-awareness
and emotional intelligence into your leadership style, you can build stronger relationships, communicate more effectively, and lead with greater impact.
{Sidebar: emotional intelligence, also known as emotional quotient (EQ), refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s emotions, as well as the
emotions of others. Emotional intelligence is composed of several key components:
• Emotional Awareness: The ability to recognize and understand one’s own emotions and how they influence behavior.
• Self-Regulation: The ability to manage and control one’s emotions, especially in stressful or challenging situations.
• Motivation: The ability to use emotions to drive actions and achieve personal and professional goals.
• Empathy: The ability to understand and share the emotions of others, which helps to build strong relationships.
• Social Skills: The ability to effectively communicate and collaborate with others, even in difficult situations.
Studies have shown that individuals with higher levels of emotional intelligence tend to have better relationships, better stress management, and are more
successful in both their personal and professional lives. However, emotional intelligence can be developed and improved with practice and effort.
Ways to develop emotional intelligence include:
• Improving emotional awareness: Pay attention to your emotions and how they influence your behavior and reactions.
• Practicing self-regulation: Learn techniques for managing your emotions and controlling your reactions in stressful situations.
• Seeking feedback from others: Ask for feedback from those closest to you and work to understand how you come across to others.
• Building empathy: Try to understand the perspectives and emotions of others, especially in difficult situations.
• Improving communication skills: Work to improve your active listening and assertiveness skills, which can help to build better relationships.
As may be obvious, emotional intelligence is a vital aspect of personal and professional success. By developing emotional awareness, self-regulation, empathy,
and social skills, individuals can improve their emotional intelligence and overall well-being.}
-
Positive mindset: A positive mindset is essential for both personal success and effective leadership. When you believe in yourself and have a positive
outlook, you are more likely to approach challenges with confidence and resilience. This positive mindset can also be contagious and inspire others to
adopt a similar attitude, making you a more effective leader. -
Continuous learning: Continuous learning is key to both personal success and effective leadership. By staying curious, open to new ideas, and developing
new skills, you can stay ahead of the curve and become a better leader. By continuously learning and growing, you can also model the importance of lifelong
learning for those you lead. -
Strong support network: Having a strong support network is important for both personal success and effective leadership. Surrounding yourself with supportive
and positive individuals can help you achieve your goals, maintain a healthy work-life balance, and stay motivated and focused. A strong support network
can also provide a sounding board for your ideas and provide valuable feedback as you grow as a leader. -
Communication skills: Good communication skills are essential for both personal success and effective leadership. When you communicate clearly and effectively,
you can build stronger relationships, convey your ideas and vision, and inspire others to follow your lead. Improving your communication skills requires
self-awareness, as you need to understand your own communication style and identify areas for improvement. -
Time management: Good time management is important for both personal success and effective leadership. When you manage your time effectively, you can
prioritize your activities, reduce stress, and increase your productivity. As a leader, effective time management also helps you to delegate tasks effectively
and ensure that your team is working efficiently. -
Confidence: Confidence is an important component of both personal success and effective leadership. When you believe in yourself, you are more likely
to take risks, pursue your goals, and overcome challenges. As a leader, confidence also inspires others to believe in you and follow your lead. -
Empathy: Empathy is an important component of emotional intelligence and is crucial for effective leadership. When you are able to understand and relate
to the experiences and emotions of others, you can build stronger relationships, communicate more effectively, and lead with greater impact. Empathy also
requires self-awareness, as you need to understand your own emotions and reactions before you can understand those of others. -
Adaptability: Adaptability is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you are able to adapt to change, you can remain
flexible, respond to new challenges, and continue to grow and develop. As a leader, adaptability also allows you to be responsive to the changing needs
of your team and organization. -
Authenticity: Authenticity is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you are true to yourself and your values, you
can build stronger relationships, convey your ideas and vision with greater impact, and lead with integrity. Self-awareness is essential for authenticity,
as it helps you understand your personal values and goals, and ensures that you are leading from a place of authenticity and integrity.
In brief, leadership, self-awareness, and personal success are interrelated and can be integrated by having a clear purpose, engaging in self-reflection,
developing emotional intelligence, adopting a positive mindset, embracing continuous learning, and building a strong support network. By integrating these
principles into your personal and professional life, you can become a more effective leader and achieve greater personal success.
As we see, Leadership, self-awareness and personal success each requires its own skill set along with the ability to integrate the three domains to maximize one’s personal and professional effectiveness. Of the three though, self-awareness is foundational.
Self-awareness is a critical aspect of personal growth and development. It refers to the ability to understand one’s own thoughts,
feelings, and emotions and how they impact our behavior and relationships. A lack of self-awareness can lead to difficulties in communication, decision-making,
and overall satisfaction in life.
However, self-awareness is a skill that can be developed and improved over time with practice. Here are some tips to increase self-awareness:
-
Observe your thoughts and emotions: Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions, especially in challenging situations. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling
right now?” and “Why am I feeling this way?” This practice can help you understand your reactions and thought patterns better. -
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the moment. By focusing on the present, you can learn to recognize
your thoughts and emotions as they arise, which is an important step towards self-awareness. -
Seek feedback from others: Ask those closest to you for their perspectives on your behavior and how you come across to others. This feedback can provide
valuable insights into how you are perceived and help you understand your impact on others. -
Reflect on your experiences: Take the time to reflect on your experiences and think about what you learned from them. This can help you see patterns
in your behavior and understand how your emotions and thoughts are influencing your actions. -
Practice self-compassion: Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses, and work towards improving them. Recognize
that self-awareness is a journey, not a destination, and be patient with yourself as you work towards increasing your understanding of yourself.
Self-awareness is a vital skill for each of us, as it can help improve communication, decision-making, and overall life satisfaction.
By observing your thoughts and emotions, practicing mindfulness, seeking feedback from others, reflecting on experiences, and being self-compassionate,
each of us can work towards developing his or her self-awareness.
In short, self-awareness is the ability to understand our thoughts, feelings, and emotions and how they influence our behavior and relationships. Developing self-awareness
can bring many benefits, including:
-
Improved relationships: By understanding our own thoughts, feelings, and emotions, we can better understand how we come across to others and improve
our relationships. -
Better decision-making: Self-awareness allows us to understand our biases, motivations, and impulses, which can improve our decision-making.
-
Increased emotional intelligence: By recognizing our emotions and how they influence our behavior, we can improve our emotional intelligence and better
manage our emotions. -
Better stress management: Self-awareness helps us understand our triggers and coping mechanisms, allowing us to better manage stress.
-
Improved personal growth: By understanding our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can identify areas for personal growth and work towards becoming
the best version of ourselves.
To become more self-aware, you can start by paying attention to your thoughts and emotions, practicing mindfulness, seeking feedback from others, reflecting
on your experiences, and practicing self-compassion. It’s also important to acknowledge that self-awareness is a lifelong journey and to be patient and
persistent in your efforts.
Let’s conclude by focusing on the pot at the end of our individual rainbows: Personal Success.
Personal success will be defined differently for each of us, but there are several key principles that can help anyone achieve their personal and professional
goals:
-
Clarity of purpose: Having a clear understanding of what you want to achieve and why is essential to staying motivated and focused.
-
Strong work ethic: Success requires hard work and dedication, and a strong work ethic is essential to achieving your goals.
-
Positive mindset: Believing in yourself and having a positive outlook can help you overcome challenges and keep you motivated.
-
Good time management: Effectively managing your time can help you prioritize your goals and make the most of your opportunities.
-
Good communication skills: Clear and effective communication is essential for building relationships and achieving success in both your personal and
professional life. -
Adaptability: The ability to adapt to change and be flexible is essential in today’s fast-paced world and can help you stay ahead of the curve.
-
Continuous learning: The desire to learn and grow is essential for personal success, and staying curious and open to new ideas can help you achieve
your goals. -
Strong support network: Surrounding yourself with supportive and positive people can help you achieve your goals and maintain a healthy work-life balance.
It’s important to remember that success is not a destination, but a journey, and that these keys to personal success are not one-time achievements but
ongoing efforts. By adopting these principles and consistently working towards your goals, you can increase your chances of personal success.
Having a clear understanding of your personal values and goals is a crucial step towards personal success. When you know what you want to achieve, it becomes
easier to focus your efforts and prioritize your activities. Having a well-defined purpose can help you stay motivated and keep your eye on the prize,
even when faced with challenges and setbacks.
A strong work ethic is another important factor in personal success. Successful individuals are willing to put in the time and effort required to achieve
their goals. This means setting high standards for themselves, taking responsibility for their actions, and being persistent in the face of obstacles.
Having a positive mindset is also crucial for personal success. A positive attitude can help you stay motivated, overcome challenges, and maintain a healthy
work-life balance. When you believe in yourself and have a positive outlook, you are more likely to approach opportunities with confidence and resilience.
Good time management skills are also essential for personal success. Successful individuals know how to prioritize their activities and make the most of
their time. They are able to balance their personal and professional responsibilities, and avoid distractions and procrastination.
Effective communication skills are also key to personal success. Whether you’re working in a team, building relationships, or negotiating a deal, having
strong communication skills can help you achieve your goals and build a successful career.
Adaptability is another key to success in today’s rapidly changing world. The ability to adapt to change, be flexible, and embrace new opportunities is
essential for personal and professional success. Those who are able to adapt and change with the times are more likely to succeed in the long run.
Continuous learning is also essential for personal success. Whether you’re developing new skills, learning a new language, or simply staying curious and
open to new ideas, a desire to learn and grow can help you achieve your goals and stay ahead of the curve.
Finally, having a strong support network is also important for personal success. Surrounding yourself with supportive and positive individuals can help
you achieve your goals, maintain a healthy work-life balance, and stay motivated and focused.
In conclusion, the keys to personal success include having a clear purpose, strong work ethic, positive mindset, good time management skills, effective
communication, adaptability, a desire for continuous learning, and a strong support network. By adopting these principles and consistently working towards
your goals, you can increase your chances of personal success.
As it turns out, we may have discovered a potential path to leadership excellence for any of us who chooses to follow it. The starting point is self-awareness and all that requires. With this foundation, build your personal success on the strategies and principles included here. The surprising reality is that building on that foundation and sticking to these strategies and principles makes effective leadership nearly inevitable.
Discovery: Leadership is not an achievement, it is an outcome available to each of us.
The charm tip I get even though I think I may not be all that charming. The second tip I’m pretty sure I do not get at all. If that’s not frustrating enough, the tune that goes with it, I get even less. Maybe it will work for you. The good news is that tip three does ring true for me — nothing to complain about.
So you want to make some changes around here, make things better. Of course, there are a few problems that need solved. But even more to the point, there are people who may or may not cooperate. And often overlooked is how you manage your personal space. Check out this episode and judge for yourself.
We know that it usually works out best when we stay in our own wheelhouse but knowing what is and is not in there is often a quandary. Here are three tips to help us figure out what is and isn’t for us. Sticking with what we already know is easy. The real challenge is with the new, the unfamiliar, those actions and opportunities that we have not dealt with before. That’s where the possibility for success and failure loom.
Here we have three tips that may not seem to go together, but with a little more thought, they do. It starts with only selling what’s right and not settling for just what’s awesome. If you get that, the other tips fall into place quite nicely. The little ear worms will give you time to fully consider the connections.
Too often we focus on being sure we are doing things right before making sure we are doing the right things. Too often we focus on solving a problem before figuring out why there is a problem to solve. Sure, we also occasionally get the cart before the horse. I’ll bet you get the idea. Here are three tips to help us avoid these amateur pitfalls. Of course, there are also three very cool ear worms to give time to ponder the tips.
The decisions we make are usually pretty clear but often our sources and reasons are less clear and not particularly obvious to either us or to others. We usually can come up with an explanation but that explanation is frequently post-action. So what’s happening? I’m not sure but here are three tips that seem to me to be related. The ear worms are hear to give us time to ponder the “Why” of it.
The pursuit of Personal Excellence is a lifetime journey and never merely an event. What’s more, it’s a journey that many start but only a few sustain. For those few, it seems easy and natural, something that requires little effort. But neither does it just come naturally nor without intense focus and consentration.
Personal Excellence is nothing short of a nonnegotiable commitment to doing the right things right, with everyone, every time, everywhere — no exceptions, no excuses.
Here you have the opportunity to both listen to Pursuing Personal Excellence and to downloading the MP3 edition for your more leisurely consideration. Will you take up the challenge? Probably not but one never knows. Now and then, that unusual person comes along who not only wants to pursue Personal Excellence but has no option but to take the journey. Pursuing Personal Excellence is a guide book of sorts for you only if you are up to the challenge.
Good luck and happy traveling.
Just because the topic is boring, you need not conclude that the content is boring, although it may be. If so, the ear worms make up for it.
Our Home - Your Home is a handbook for foster parents. Although all parents will find the handbook useful for understanding and working with their children, it focuses specifically on abused and neglected children and on the special challenges of parenting for these children. If you prefer reading the handbook, you may download The PDF Edition Here. The audio edition is 3.5 hours so you may also find it convenient to download it from GaryCrow.net under the audio player for the podcast episode. Also note that the address in the PDF edition is incorrect.
I hope you find the handbook useful and wish you and your foster child all the best.
I think I'll just let you go wherever the title takes you. Who am I to tell you who you are or where your mind should venture. My only suggestion is that you consider a bike for the ride.
Most of the time we have no need to make that extra effort to relate and to get along. Our worlds are fairly calm and predictable. There are those times though, those times when, as the country song says, "People are crazy." Sure, it's not clear whether it's "people" or just maybe us who are crazy. It is at those times when today's tips come in most handy. It is a matter of mind over madness. It's us or them.
The three tips are pretty interesting but not Earth shakers. Even so, the ear worms are definitely out there.
When do your interests take precedence over mine? When is what you want more important than what I want? How do I decide between what you need and what I need? Here are three tips to help you decide. Of course, you also get three ear worms to give you time to consider each tip.
How we handle other people and how they manage us makes a big difference. The conflict in the middle matters almost as much. The tips in this episode are spot on when we are having issues with any of these three stress points. Press play and decide how they fit with your view of things. The ear worms are pretty good too.
The tips here have been a little expanded to include some ideas that may not be quite as pithy but compensate by a tad more substance.
I particularly like the third tip, although you likely don't care what I think. No reason you should.
How much difference do politicians actually make?
I was listening to the radio this morning and heard that we should never vote for Tim Ryan. According to the ad, he personally sent Covid money to a bomber and most of the people in prison. Well, maybe he didn’t personally do it, but he helped his party-mates do it. I do know that Covid money was sent to a lot of people who didn’t need it and didn’t spend it. For example, my wife and I got a deposit of $1,200 that we didn’t need and didn’t spend, although I did spend it several years after the fact.
If I listen to the ad, I am left with the impression that Tim Raised my taxes, wasted millions if not billions of dollars and, to top it off, expanded the IRS so it can dip into my business and snatch away my hard-earned cash. Tim is for sure the cause of all that is bad in the world and is only likely to make things worse if he gets re-elected. Who is saying all of these nasty things about Tim? The add makes it seem like some responsible group is paying but I have no idea who they are or who they represent. The only thing that is certain is that they don’t like Tim and hope I will be afraid to vote for him whenever he runs for re-election for whatever office he now holds.
I checked with the Google Guy and learned that Tim actually isn’t running for re-election. He is running to be one of Ohio’s senators. The add doesn’t tell me who he is running against, but the Google guy told me that Tim is opposing JD Bance. Should I happen to take the ad seriously, I would likely conclude that JD Is not going to approve sending money to anyone, is going to reduce taxes as much as possible and do what he can to get rid of the IRS. Sending money to anyone is bad, taxes are bad and collecting taxes is even worse.
What do I conclude from all of this? … Absolutely nothing.
Well, maybe there is one conclusion worth consideration. I suspect the best part of good judgement is to assume that all political ads are lies and probably damn lies. Some may not be but there is no good way to tell. So I am left with the simple fact that political ads have no good purpose other than to scare me, as in be afraid of Tim or vote for anyone but Tim. Alternatively, such ads, if not designed to scare me, are designed to seduce me into thinking that this politician will keep me happy, prosperous and safe from the dastardly villains from the other party.
Political ads give me a false choice between being scared and traumatized on the one hand or seduced and thoroughly screwed on the other. Sure, it’s just another con game, with me as the mark. The one thing I can be pretty sure of is that it will never be as bad or as good as the con people tell me it will be. It’s that lies and damn lies thing again.
I suspect it was someone really famous who said this first, but I definitely never heard it in a political ad. Whatever you hear or whoever says it, even if I myself say it, don’t believe it unless you yourself know it to be true and correct, especially if you hear it in a political ad. Even then, don’t buy in until you have had at least a week to give it some serious thought.
I got a note from a potential Tidbitter who rather rudely told me that my ear worms are not wormy enough. Of course I just deleted it and moved on. Since you are my 1 listener, I did not want to take a chance on losing you by changing the game plan. I figured that my worms are wormy enough since you are still listening. -- Thanks.
Perhaps a little more subtle but ear worms nonetheless. You may even want to listen for the tips.
I don't recall just how many years my podcast has been called Audio Tidbits. As a title, that is rather clever but means nearly nothing. What does "Audio Tidbits" bring to mind? Probably a few things in general but mostly nothing in particular.
It's sort of like a podcasting junk drawer. I can just toss most anything in there and it stays just like it belongs. Some of the episodes tossed in are quite good and another few are amazing; but for the most part, the majority are mediocre at best.
I find myself with a couple of choices. I can keep tossing in an episode now and then with diminishing enthusiasm or I can dump the junk drawer and start over. I have been pursuing the first option for some time now and have ended up with an overflowing junk drawer. Why today I'm not sure, but I just dumped the junk drawer. I am committed. Never again will I just toss episodes in with no hope of a more coherent outcome. It's either do it consistently better or don't do it at all. What is "it?" Podcasting of course.
That was pretty hard, but the harder step is coming next. The Audio Tidbits title has to go. Whatever comes next, "Audio Tidbits" has retired. It remains to be seen whether I have also retired from podcasting.
Let me switch up some and tell you a story. Yes, there is a relevant point in here that I will get to fairly soon. But first, come with me down the rabbit hole.
How clever is it to start a story with "Once upon a time?" I doubt if that opening would ever be confused with cleverness. Even so, it may be as good as anything else if I have no interest in being clever. Some people can pull off being clever but I'm not among those clever types. I'm more aligned with those who just say what they have to say and let it go at that.
A few years back, I had the notion that I could teach myself to play the organ. I'm not talking about the kind of organ that fills a church or great hall with powerful music. I am just referring to a little organ that is smaller than most pianos. It wasn't a toy but definitely less than the real deal.
I know. "A few years back" is pretty close to once upon a time but I've already admitted that something more clever is not in the cards for me. My only goal is to get you into the picture where I'm trying to play the organ. Are you there with me? I'll just assume you are so we can move on.
Every day for nearly six months, I spent an hour or so teaching myself to play, and gradually I learned. I could play a few songs, press the right keys, and some days I believed that I was even making music. I admit that even I didn't think it was great, but it was some better than nothing. Not a lot better, but some better.
I don't recall the day specifically, but one day somewhere in month six, I realized that, no matter how long I worked at it, I was never going to be more than an organ player, and not a very good organ player at that.
To compound the insight, I realized that I didn't particularly enjoy organ music all that much. Here is the point. I could play the organ but was never going to be an organist; I liked some types of music but was never going to be a musician. If the truth be known, I didn't enjoy trying to learn to play the organ all that much either. It was just something I was forcing myself to do.
That insight got me to wondering how often I start down that particular rabbit hole. How often do I get invested in doing something only to discover that I am not very good at it and am unlikely to ever get very good at it? I've definitely been there a few times over the years and don't figure that I am any better off for the time and energy spent going down those rabbit holes. Here's the problem. I often have no good way of knowing whether something that peaks my interest is a rabbit hole or a real opportunity without investing in it enough to test out its potential.
It might be easy to conclude from all of this that it's all just one big crap shoot.
Is it true that happy is a matter of personal choice most of the time? I think it may actually be just that. But you get to decide. -- Even if happy does not interest you, skip ahead about three minutes. The music is worth a listen even without the happy stuff.
You may assume that frustrating people generally and jerks specifically are born to the role. Not true. It requires careful attention and endless practice to frustrate consistently and effectively. It is actually a skill set that most of us cannot hope to perfect. Please join me with the 101 lecture directly from jerk school. If you aspire to frustrate, this is where to start.
You can usually put things off until they no longer matter. If you doubt, press play to listen.
This blind thing is a lot of things but not all that complicated. First, it’s a condition that ranges from mild to severe, just like most conditions. Wherever we are on that continuum, it’s likely to get worse, at least until our condition is severe. That be as it may, there is not much we can do about it other than to whine. – Never under estimate the real value in whining. Our condition won’t change but whining can help us cope.
Second, blind and blindness are also variables. The condition may be static or getting worse, but how we experience them is far from static. For example, I am on average about 5% blind. Sometimes I am nearly 0% blind and once in a while virtually 100% blind. So, what accounts for the variability? Not the condition for sure. It is what it is and isn’t changing since the lights are permanently off for me.
Here’s the deal. When I am in my house, sitting in my chair, listening to my music on my sound system, I am 0% blind. The condition has no effect and represents no limitation.
Alternatively, a while back, I needed to get my State ID renewed. I got an Uber and headed off to the ID updater. The Uber arrived and I got out, already talking with an Aira agent to help me inside and with finding the ID updater. Still maybe only 20% blind.
But, and there are those buts. Just as soon as I walked inside and had taken less than a dozen steps, the cell signal dropped. At that moment, I was nearly 100% blind. I didn’t even know how to get back outside. I did manage to recover from that very dark place with the help of a passer-by, but for a few minutes, it was pretty grim.
I could tell you a thousand stories about “Just how blind am I right now,” but I suspect you get the point. Yes, blind is a condition, but more importantly, it’s a variable. What matters most is how blind I am right now. FYI, I am sitting at my desk, typing on my computer using my copy of JAWS and am about 2% blind right now.
Here’s the challenge. Whether blind since birth or new to blindness, and whether the condition is mild or severe, the real issue is not the condition. Rather, the real issue is how effectively we manage blind as a variable.
I of course don’t know what your goals and expectations for you may be but do know that my goal is to do whatever I want to do, when and where I want to do it. My expectation for me is that I will develop and maintain the skills and determination needed to reach my goal. As part of that commitment to me, I will find the technology, services, resources, strategies, and advice that can increase my success. – Yes, it would often be much easier and safer to be content staying in my house, sitting in my chair, listening to my music on my sound system, but that simply doesn’t cut it for me, and I sincerely hope it does not cut it for you.
May I invite you to join the 5% blind club? Remember that 5% is only an average. I was about ten when I learned that I can’t play baseball, with the bump on my head to punctuate the point. I can’t do everything I want to do, everywhere I want, as is true for everyone else, blind or not. We are all limited in one way or another. Even so, getting down to 5% blind on average works fine for me and will likely work for you too.
Oh, I didn’t know that. You are too old, too lazy, too afraid, too impatient, too tired, and too sure you can’t do it to consider the 5% blind club. I’m reminded of my advisor in college when I was whining to her that college is just too hard. She told me that, with the possible exception of my mother, no one really cares one way or the other whether I graduate. She smiled and added that I would have to handle all of the caring for myself.
That’s it. If you were expecting some magical advice or an easier way, you’re out of luck. Just know that your slot in the 5% blind club is there just waiting for you. I sincerely hope I see you there real soon.
Do you have the misfortune of having to deal with a know-it-all, the humility challenged, a certified screw-up? If so, a little sympathy is coming your way. These humility challenged experts on everything are out there, just itching to screw something up and then point the finger at you, as they creep away. -- Let's dip into this a little further.
Six for Sunday may sound like something special, but not this time. It's just a six-pack for everyday that happens to be posted on Sunday. Even so, I think you may find at least a couple of these little tidbits worth a minute or so for quick consideration.
Here's the thing. For those of us who cannot see, there are dozens of skills and strategies potentially available to us to do what we want to do, when we want to do whatever it is. For the sake of discussion, let's say there are seventy-two skills and strategies (Call them tools.) out there for any of us who goes to the time and bother to master them. Sure, there are way more than seventy-two, but since I can only handel quite a bit fewer than seventy-two, I'll stick with seventy-two. There is no point in totally overwhelming myself before I even get started with filling up my tool box.
Just for starters, there are three tools that are already there for the taking; and we may not have even noticed that they are there for us. The cool thing is that these three tools are free and only require putting them into our tool box. They do have a down side though. Just like a tiny hammer won't do the job if we have a big nail, a weak tool won't serve us very well when we need it for a big job. But it does not need to be a super hammer. It needs to be just big enough to do the job.
We also do not need to put a lot of extra tools into our tool box, just in case we need them some day. Instead, we can look down the road to figure out what tools we will need to do what we want to do as time goes on. Our job is to then make sure those tools are tucked into our tool box, just on time to do the job when that job needs done. -- You've got the idea: just enough tools there just on time to do what we want to do.
One more thing about these three tools. Without them, the other sixty-nine tools potentially available to us are likely to be ineffective, likely not to get the job done for us, likely to never make it into our tool box. Keep in mind that this is a do-it-yourself tool box we are talking about. If you have others who will do all of the work for you and are yourself fine with that, an empty tool box is all you need. Otherwise, you need some tools in your tool box. Not all seventy-two, but some, starting with these three. Think of them as prerequisites to putting more tools in your tool box.
Motivation:
I know, it always gets down to motivation. If we want to, then we might; but if we do not want to, we probably won't. We do occasionally do things we do not want to do, but usually we don't. It is also that hammer thing again. Little wants require little motivation and big wants require big motivation. But how much motivation is required to do what we want to do? -- Just enough of course.
Determination:
A lot of us who cannot see have plenty of motivation to do what we want to do. It's determination that is in short supply. We are highly motivated to develop the tools required to do what we want to do. We just seem to never get around to reading that book, listening to that podcast, signing up for that class or talking to the right person. What's going on here? It is pretty easy. We are motivated to develop the skill or strategy we need; but motivation alone is not enough. We also have to be determined to do what we need to do.
I suppose you may be saying, "Hey Gary, slow up there dude. What's this 'we' stuff? I'm motivated enough and as determined as most anyone else. I sure don't have a motivation problem or a determination problem for that matter. You are way off base if you think my lack of tools in my tool box is due to some limitation with me or my motivation and determination. It's way more complicated than that."
Well, okay. I get it. You have special circumstances that are preventing you from getting better tools, and there is little to nothing you can personally do about that. It is just too complicated to work out, no matter how motivated or determined you are. Your take is that I just don't understand how difficult it is for you; and most likely, no one else understands either.
Persistence:
There is one more tool that all of us who cannot see need in our tool box.
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Blind How Basics
Blind How (https://BlindHow.net) is produced by Gary Crow, Ph.D. who has been blind since birth and has extensive experience in mental health and child welfare administration, has spoken and trained internationally, and has written numerous articles, books for adults and children, and training guides. Most significantly, Gary knows how to succeed without being able to see and values the chance to share his experience and insights with you.
The Social Context
Why might Blind How … The Basics interest you?
• You can't see and are looking for some tips and suggestions for how to do what you want to do.
• You spend time with someone who can't see and want some tips and suggestions for how to be more helpful.
• You are curious about how people who can't see are able to do what they do.
• You want to know more about what people who can't see can do to succeed in a world where most everyone else can see.
• You want to start with the basics, tips for folks who don't know much of anything about how to live a full life without being able to see.
• You want to expand your understanding gradually to include more opportunities and options for doing whatever you hope to do, when you can't see.
If I tell you that I am blind, what comes to mind? Now if I simply tell you that I can't see, how does the picture in your mind's eye change? Likely the change is significant.
Someone who I don’t recall said that smart people know what to say and when to say it. But a wise person knows what to say and when not to say it. Sometimes the better part of wisdom is to just shut up and sit down.
There are the regular fools among us. They neither know better nor do better. We tend to give those folks a pass, since they have no control over just how stupid they are at times. And there are the rest of us who don't have the excuse of being standard fools. We are just damn fools, yes all of us. We do our foolishness despite knowing better. We just don't do better. This is not a permanent condition unless we extend our foolishness beyond five minutes a day. Gary has the skinny on this universal fact of life.
Giving advice when asked is dangerous; and giving unsolicited advice is just stupid. Hearing Gary's take on this may be worth a listen; but of course, that is not advice, just an opportunity.
The title says it all. There is about five minutes of me fussing about my SM7b microphone and my mixer; but after that, some nice country music from Kevin is there for you.
My guess is that you don't personally remember the Nelson family. No problem. Gary will get you up to speed. Spoiler alert! It's all about "Nice."
Happy Happy plus peace and health from us at Audio Tidbits to you and to those who love you. Please enjoy Kevin's Christmas concert.
You have believed in Santa or at least you likely have. If you are one of the lucky ones, you still believe. But the more important question is, "Does Santa believe in you?" Gary has a couple of tips for making sure that he does.
I'm not sure whether this episode is important wisdom or trivial nonsense, but there is a point worth a couple minutes thought. Is happy actually optional? Join Gary for his take on the question.
You may not have noticed that there are many ways to do nothing. It may look as if something is being done, but therein lies the illusion. The much easier approach is to do nothing, with intention. Gary help us sort this out.
Amateurs at the success game believe that the more people they know, the more successful they will be. How silly. The real question is, "Who knows you and what do they know about you?" Gary shares his take on how this works.
I suspect that you think talking to a brick is right up there with watching paint dry, but you would be wrong. Talking to a brick has hidden benefits that most people never consider. Gary has ten for your evaluation and enlightenment.
Dave Barry has a problem, although he disagrees. He thinks having no friends is a wise financial decision for him. As might be expected, Curious George disagrees. It's all about diplomacy, or the lack-there-of. Gary has the scoop for you.
Gary has a really quick self-check. Easy Peasy. Just give yourself a thumbs up or perhaps not on each statement. The only catch is the standard: every time, with everyone, no exceptions, no excuses.
Are you into being creative or perhaps an inventor? It's actually pretty simple. Just think a thought that no one else has thought. For the skinny on that little trick, listen to this episode of Audio Tidbits.
You may think I have a run of the mill public speaking tip for you, not particularly different than a hundred others. But this tip is from Blackie, a guide dog extraordinaire. You didn't know that guide dogs gave public speaking tips? That would be silly talk. Regular guide dogs may not, but Blackie was far from regular. He was a good friend of Denny, who was himself a professor. I think you may as well listen to pass your own judgment about the unexpected brilliance of extraordinary guide dogs.
Do you like to gossip, or are you content to be a passive consumer? "Neither," you say? Well, OK; but I don't think I easily believe you. I suspect if you ask a hundred random people if they believe that you neither gossip nor consume gossip, they would just laugh at the silly question. At any rate, Gary has some thoughts on the topic. As with most good gossip, it's short and vague enough to make sure you aren't sure one way or the other.
There is a secret the most successful people are slow to admit to. They trust their hunches. But you worry that your hunches may be wrong? Sure, they may be, but so may be your best, considered judgment. The point is that hunches are more often right than wrong. Ignore them at your own risk. Gary shares some thoughts about intuition and hunches on this episode of Audio Tidbits.
Amateurs think it's fine to get angry and blow off without much thought or planning. They just wind up and let it spew. What they don't realize is that to get angry with style is way more complicated. Actually, it's seldom worth the time and bother. In this episode of Audio Tidbits, Gary explains why.
What we do with our day is not totally a choice for most of us, but there is a part in there most days for us to be in control. How we choose to use that gift is our call. Sure, it's up to you, but I do have a small suggestion.
Imagine yourself back when, back before. Not yet an adult but past being a child. You hang around with your friends; and each of you had an idea for yourself about what success would be.
Here's the question. Since you all started from a similar place and time, why does success very from a lot to not so much within your friend group? Where are you in that range and why? Let's think about that in this episode of Audio Tidbits.
Gus and Gary have provided two perspectives for us in this episode of Audio Tidbits. Gus warns us to ask twelve questions before initiating any change; and Gary helps understand that emotions are not just there or not there. Rather there is an emotional sweet spot where we balance not enough with too much. I think you will definitely find some food for thought here, and get a musical treat from Kevin as a bonus.
Are you interested in ramping up your success? Do you like trains? Do you have a few minutes to think about getting better and better at getting better and better? Are you ready to say "YES" to success? Sure, It's "YES" to all of that. Do It! Come for a ride on the Success Train.
Gary and Gus join up to bring us two short takes on sticky problems and banity, and are crashed by an unexpected podcaster who shares her take on privacy, especially for young children.
Rate your stress from 1 (low) to 10 (high). Press play on the episode. Ask your imagination to bring up the scene. Who is there? Where is there? What is happening? Keep your attention on the scene until the end. Now, rate your stress again.
In the last episode, we took a swing back when silly was fun. Well, silly is still fun, even if we have gotten too old for that nonsense.
Do you remember back when silly was fun? There were knock-knock jokes and then all those one-liners for the young and even those not so old got a chuckle now and then.
• All men are created equal,
• They are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,
Among these are
• Life,
• Liberty,
• The pursuit of Happiness.
To secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men,
• Deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.
Welcome to a new way to meditate. When you think about meditation, what comes to mind? If you ponder traditional meditation, nothing comes to mind. That's the idea. Suspend reality and turn into your inner self.
If traditional meditation works for you, may the inner peace consume you as you find your center. But when traditional meditation does not work, a new way to meditate is here for you.
The experience you are undertaking lasts about forty minutes and does not require suspension of reality. Use the first segment to focus and listen. If your attention drifts, there is a dancing blue elephant there for your enjoyment. Find her and let yourself smile as you focus on her and the music.
As the music shifts, go with it. Nothing needs suspension. Stay with the music. It takes you on a changing journey to wherever you go. At any time, the dancing blue elephant is there for you, tempting back your attention on her and the music.
If convenient, listen with earbuds or however you like to send the music directly into your awareness. If not, just listen and stay with the journey. Either way, when you come to the end, a better space awaits.
Of course you have to get on your pony and ride, but don't be too quick -- or too slow for that matter. In this episode, I offer three keys to effective leadership. I think you will find them very useful perspectives as you lead others.
There is usually at least a tiny grain of truth hidden somewhere behind even the most absurd belief. For example, if you lend a book to someone, you might as well kiss it good-bye. You won't get it back without asking for it back, and maybe not even then. If you're a library, you'll probably get it back; but for anyone else, lending books is about the same as giving them away.
What is the belief? People don't return borrowed books when they borrow them from other people.
There is a grain of truth here. Some people aren't good about returning borrowed books and perhaps that's most people, depending on who you lend your books to.
Is this true on average? I don't know and doubt that you know either. Even so, I believe it. How about you? Do people return books other people lend to them?
Now suppose that I ask you to lend me a book. If you think people don't return borrowed books, you might give the book to me, not expecting it to be returned. However, if you think people are good and usually return borrowed books, you still may not lend it to me, depending on the value of the book to you. But why?
When we make choices involving other people, we are always playing the odds, using our own idiosyncratic computational system. We attach odds to their doing or not doing something, the likelihood of their behaving one way or another, the probability of their reacting as we expect or surprising us instead. Our action, behavior or involvement with them then depends on those calculations. First comes the calculation and then we act, based on our nearly instantaneous decision process.
When dealing with other people, we may occasionally stop and think, do some research, carefully consider why we will or will not make a particular choice, and otherwise be more deliberate than we typically are. Even then, we mostly focus on our side of the equation. Will we be better off or less well off, what is or is not in our interest, what will be the consequences for us if we do or do not proceed? Most of the time though, we just go with our first calculation. We make a flash judgment about the person and the situation and then do or not do whatever the calculation calls for.
Do we often get burned or disappointed? If not, we are definitely toward the safe end, running the risk of being too skeptical, too mistrusting. If we often are disappointed or get burned, we are too far toward the other end where naive and gullible come to mind.
As we see, whether borrowing a book or having any other interaction with people, we infrequently give much if any consideration to the criteria we use with respect to the other person, especially if we haven't spent much time and effort in getting to know them. -- And we have actually invested that level of time and energy in only a very small minority of people we know or come into contact with. – For most people, most of the time and in most situations, we put them into our sorting algorithm, assigning them to "average," on whatever sorting criteria we are used to using.
How do we know what is average? Well, we usually don't. It's like people who borrow books from other people. On average, do they return the borrowed books without needing to be reminded? We don't actually know; but nevertheless, we likely have a quick criterion we instantly apply whenever anyone asks to borrow a book, particularly if they want to borrow our first edition of a rare book or perhaps our checkbook.
Here's the rub. It's that idiosyncratic computational system and its algorithm. The automatic criteria we use to judge people and to make decisions and choices is based on averages, as we understand them. The problem is twofold. First, "average" is a tricky concept. If on average, men are more violent than women, knowing that tells us nothing about most men or most women, because most men are not more violent than most women. It's only at the extreme that men are more violent than women. If we drop the extremes from our algorithm,
The home turf of the Great Mouse has apparently been discovered by our intrepid hunters. On her home turf, the Great Mouse is not on her own. There she has allies and friendly forces. Our intrepid hunters are in for a battle. Will they prevail? Will they finally best the Great Mouse? Which side will prevail? Let's listen. Do recall that we earlier learned that the Great Mouse may only be a figment of the imaginations of our intrepid hunters. Is this the time we will finally learn the truth? I turn it over to your imagination and judgment.
• Have you noticed that some people have an unusual ability to get others to do what they want them to do?
• Have you noticed that things consistently turn out better for some people than for others?
• Have you noticed that some people seldom end up with the short end of the stick while others frequently come up short?
• Have you noticed that some people regularly follow through with whatever they undertake while others often falter or end up just quitting?
• Have you noticed that, for some people, their influence bubble expands over time, while for other people, their influence bubble stays small or may even contract over time?
Although you have likely already answered, "Yes," to all five questions, let's set some qualifications or conditions to make sure we are making an apples to apples comparison. Instead of thinking about everyone compared to everyone, let's limit ourselves to what we can call childhood reference groups. Think about you and your childhood reference group as I reframe the five questions.
Limiting yourself to people who grew up at about the same time and in a similar place as you and who experienced about the same social, educational, and economic circumstances as you, let's revisit the five questions.
• Do you know people from your childhood reference group, people like you who are better than others at getting people to do what they want them to do?
• Do you know people like you for whom things consistently turn out better than they do for others?
• Do you know people like you who seldom end up with the short end of the stick while others frequently come up short?
• Do you know people like you who consistently follow through with whatever they undertake while others often falter or end up just quitting?
• Do you know people like you who's influence bubble expands over time, while for others, their influence bubbles stay small or may even contract over time?
I have gone to some length to eliminate excuses and rationalizations. We all know people like us who have done better than we have relative to one or more of the five questions. Of course each of us was disadvantaged relative to some people not in our childhood reference group and advantaged relative to others. Some of us had a significant boost up from day one while others of us experienced a significant push down. The issue is not so much how well we have done compared to everyone else but rather how well we have done relative to people like us.
Let's take another step. Keeping in mind when and where you started your life journey and the circumstances you experienced growing up, how completely are you fulfilling your potential? I have again reframed the five questions for your consideration.
• Are your persuasive strategies and skills serving you well?
Your ability to get people to do what you want them to do is an important element of your personal growth. Here I am not talking about power, force or control. Rather I am talking about your ability to persuade. It's a matter of how you relate to and interact with others. They do not do what you want them to do because they have to do it or because they have no better alternative. They do what you want them to do because they want to do it. They believe going along with you is their best choice. They trust you and have confidence in your judgment.
• Are your successes continuing to accumulate over time?
This can be a tricky question for some. We tend to think about success as if it were an event or achievable condition we may or may not have. We have or don't have success.
Actually success is not one condition or status. Rather it is an accumulation of smaller wins. We win some and lose some. Success is the net when wins and losses are tallied.
Perhaps more important is that success is not a product of only one area or life dimension. For example, we may have accumulated many financial wins with fewer losses, with an impressive fiscal net.
The Country Duck got his pickup truck stuck in the mucky muck. Where was his duck's luck? Listen to check out how it worked out, or did it?
There are aliens hiding behind the virus. They don't want us to learn about their activities and their priorities. The good news is that they have been disclosed. Listen and learn the truth.
In this episode, the podcasting team has tips for managing your to-do list along with some thoughts about drunks vs. depression.
The podcasting team has more thoughts about personal style and hope you, after some serious thought, take personal responsibility. In the second point, you may want to substitute video games and Youtube.
The podcasting team has three quick tips for you ranging from butterflies to sex. Please enjoy.
As the title suggests, the topics are varied. The podcasting team shifts here and there when they get together.
Scene One:
It has been many sun cycles since we first initiated infiltration with the Earth humans, far too many cycles for Earth humans to grock. At first, we took care not to be detected by the Earth humans. We grocked that it would be too traumatic for the Earth humans to discover that they are not alone in the universe. The factor we did not initially consider is Earth human indifference.
What do you intend when you posit indifference.
Let me take a pass at explaining. We grocked that if the Earth humans were to detect our presence, they would react unpredictably. Not knowing how they would handle knowing about us, we chose prudence. Despite our effort to remain undetected, we were detected by one of the more clever Earth humans who shared the discovery with other Earth humans. Very rapidly, our covert approach to infiltration became unsustainable. Our presence on the Earth planet was no longer hidden from the Earth humans.
Although our presence is not widely known among the Earth humans, knowledge of alien infiltration is real and expanding. I agree that the reaction of the Earth humans could not have been predicted. Humor is the most common reaction. Earth humans know of our presence but only find it amusing that we believe we think we are not of the Earth planet. They deal with our presence the same way they deal with any unidentified flying object that enters their awareness. They simply deny the possibility of an alien origin. Any U F O sighting is dismissed as nothing more than some natural or man-made phenomenon. The possibility of an alien origin is rejected out-of-hand.
The good news in all of this is that we can come and go on the Earth planet without worrying that the Earth humans will ever grock who we are or where we originated. We need only take care not to draw avoidable or unnecessary attention to ourselves. Our leader in the capital city of the America pod has already mastered this outing in plain sight technique. He makes no pretense of being one of the Earth humans. He boasts about being unique, smarter and more clever than any of the Earth humans and the only entity capable of rescuing the inhabitants of the America pod in particular and the Earth planet more generally from the grips of the liberal left who will destroy the America pod if our leader in the capital city is not permitted to continue to reign large. With Lieutenants like Mike p and Mitch M to support his every comment or action without regard for accuracy or authenticity, our leader in the capital city is good to go indefinitely.
I suspect that you have gotten distracted. If I grock your point, our leader in the capital city makes no effort to disguise his alien origin. It just is not necessary. The Earth humans in the America pod do not so much as give even passing consideration to our leader in the capital city not being an Earth human. Your point is that if our leader in the capital city has not been outed as alien, we need not concern ourselves about the Earth humans grocking to us and our origin. I totally agree. We can continue our infiltration as we come and go among the Earth humans. Our strategy to consolidate wealth and political power within the inner circle is progressing quite nicely. We are getting close to the tipping point where any pretense of equality and individual opportunity is no longer necessary. Soon now we can shift our focus to more aggressively dismantling the remnants of representative governance. Our leader in the capital city and his cohorts have been picking away at traditional rules and regulation, but we are near the time when governance by the few for the benefit of the few can be open and will go uncontested. The inner circle will be complete.
Scene Two:
Don't worry about their overhearing us. We can hear them but they can't hear us. Right now, they aren't hearing anything except each other.
If you listened carefully, you could tell that they are still obsessing about the infiltration of Eart...
Being nice is usually a good approach to most everyone. Even more important is being nice to you. Listen and see if you agree. I'll bet you do.
Do you remember way back before social distancing was a thing? Just to prompt your recall, join me on a little trip down memory lane. It's good not to forget since one day we might actually return to those days when we did not give any thought to hanging out and crowding close to each other.
Welcome Tidbitters. The podcasting team has some thoughts and advice for the writers and bloggers among you. Since they are all podcasting from their homes, you will notice that not all audio is equal. The team is social distancing and wants to assure you that they are still here for you. They know how difficult writing can be and how much that difficulty is amplified when trying to blog. I think you will find their tips and notions about writing and blogging helpful as you pursue your passion. Please enjoy. If you have any feedback for the team, tweat Gary @DrGaryCrow or send a note to Gary@GaryCrow.net. Gary will make sure the team gets your comments.
Does sheltering in place put added pressure on your family? Are your family relationships subject to increased jeopardy? Is your family at heightened risk? The answers to all of these questions is, "It depends." It depends on how well you personally handle the added stress and how conscientiously you attend to the pressures and stresses on your family relationships. The episode includes some tips and perspectives that you may find helpful.
We are all under a lot of pressure these days in addition to the virus itself. Those extra stresses may include economic as well as emotional. Just having to shelter in place and social distance when we do leave home are definitely not normal and only add to our sense of uncertainty and anxiousness.
We each know how the situation effects us and have some idea about how it is effecting others in our families. What we may not think about is how much pressure current circumstances are putting on our relationships, especially our relationships with our significant others. Even solid adult relationships can give in to the pressure if we aren't very careful. For that reason, I am sharing an episode focusing on long-term relationships and those things we need to remember and give the special attention they deserve. It takes about an hour.
The Audio Tidbits band is practicing, but the gang is not all together. It's that social distancing thing. You'll hear how that works out for the band and maybe pick up a little life principle that is worth a think or so. Listen and see what you think about everyone working from home on a long-term basis.
Even if you are still leaving home to go to work, your activities are probably quite restricted. There is a long list of things you can't do and places you can't go. That means that you are spending more time in close proximity to your family. And being closer to each other does not necessarily lead to more closeness. It's perhaps even more likely that you are working from home or – worse yet – without a job. The result is that you spend most all of your time with your family.
Can you relate to this? My parents have been gone for several years; but when they were still alive, I loved them dearly but definitely would not have wanted to live with them. Had it been necessary, we would have worked it out; but living together is not something either they or I would have chosen. The same holds for my adult children and for their children, for that matter. My family is special to me; but living with them on a 24-hour basis sound like a prescription for trouble.
But this is a time of little to no choice. That's why we are sharing some tips for getting along when there is not much opportunity to get apart.
Our tips start with some wisdom that has been around forever. It says that it's not what we love about each other that helps us get along, but is what we are willing to put up with from each other. What we love about each other is why we want to get along to start with. What we are willing to put up with from each other is what keeps us from blowing up or walking out. But when we can't get some distance from each other or time away, putting up with what we have been just putting up with can get very hard to handle. Putting up with it – whatever it is – on a 24-hour, 7 days a week basis can stress the limits of tolerance and sensitivity for the best of us. What we just put up with before is now way over the top, even for us. …
The key here is understanding that our relationships with our family are as strong as ever, and our love for each other is as strong as ever too. None of us needs to love more or love better. But we do need to put up with more of whatever was hard to put up with before we got so cooped up with each other. How to do that? Sorry, there is not a quick or easy solution to the reality that we may be driving each other up the wall. Each of us just needs to suck it up and make a doubled or tripled effort to be calmer and nicer, twenty-four seven.
By themselves, being calmer and nicer will help a lot but aren't enough. I suspect we all know what annoys, frustrates and irritates others in our family about us, how we behave or about what we do or do not do. What about us are others just putting up with? I know and so do you. We also know what we need to change or do at least until things get more back to normal. We simply need to be calmer, nicer, more cooperative, less annoying and make it easier for others in our family to spend so much time around us and unable to get some distance from us. They are fine with putting up with us and our quirks part of the time but not twenty-four seven.
You definitely have a good point. Maybe a good way to think about it is that we should try at least as hard to cooperate and fit in at home with our family as we would at work or when visiting in someone else's home. Using our good manners and being cooperative may be as important at home as they are when out in public. In these trying times, they may be even more important. It may help to remember that others in our family are as frustrated, anxious and unhappy about what's happening right now as we are. It's not all about me nor is it all about you. From the perspective of our family, it's all about us. The goal is for all of us to get through this and to deal with whatever happens. We are here for each other.
This is all well and good, but what happens when our patience and tolerance bucket runs dry? I'm asking myself that question and am pretty sure that at least some of our listeners are asking it too.
This is an episode that includes 2 tidbits for me, 2 for you and 1 just for fun. It also works if you just want to take your mind off more serious things. I also work in a little astrology.
Does 20 seconds ring any bells for you? Had I asked you that just a few weeks ago, you likely wouldn't have had a clue. These days though, most everyone knows about 20 seconds. Think washing your hands while social distancing and sheltering in place.
I certainly have no advice about how to wash your hands, when to wash or how often. I'm just helping with that 20 seconds thing. It's not very long but seems like a long time to wash my hands. I'm just washing away, wondering if the 20 seconds are up yet. …
Do you know someone who would probably find something negative to say about the Easter Bunny? They always have a comment or opinion, and it's usually negative or critical. If you find these fault finders as annoying as I do, listen for a tip about how to manage them.
How many people do you know who are part-time when it comes to respect. They pick and choose who and when for what respect they can muster. I just hope that you are not a part-timer. Listen to hear how it works.
The only way to get the tip is to listen. Press play and then be sure to follow the advice.
Current times make it particularly important to remember that pessimism is counterproductive. When we think that things are out of control and that there is nothing we can do, we should stop and consider the simple point: pessimism is counterproductive. There are things we can and should do.
If you're hoping for a tick up in your mood and energy, join us. your personal Polka Party may be just what the doctor ordered.
There are times in life when we either stay stuck in situations or circumstances that we cannot change or take a deep breath and move on. It really is our choice.
When things don't work out as expected, when people disappoint us, who dropped the ball? The answer is more complicated than it may seem at first glance.
In these uncommon times, relating well to others on and off line is more important than ever. Stress is high and people aren’t always at their best. This makes it essential that we do our best to be our best when interacting with others. Expanding our range of tolerance is a good place for each of us to start.
Alert! Alert! Alert!
This transmission from the High Council on the Home Planet is directed to all planetoids currently participating in the edit of the Earth planet’s Internet, as per the recent directive. The Council’s surveillance has verified that the edit mechanism has been successfully imbedded in only seventy-three of the six hundred and twenty-one master nodes controlling the Earth planet’s Internet. This limited progress is disappointing. An eleven percent capture rate is far below expectations.
The Home Council is thus directing that half of your collective resources be used to continue the embedding work, while the remaining half be redirected to editing what the Earth humans refer to as Facebook.
Based on the Home Council’s analysis of the node by node imbedding of the editing mechanism, a partial installation of the embedding mechanism is sufficient for the intended purpose. The artificial intelligence in the mechanism will successfully complete the embedding without planetoid assistance. This adjustment will enable completion of the full activation of Internet editing within an acceptable time frame.
The Home Council is very pleased to inform all planetoids that, even though the rate of implementation is disappointing, the effectiveness of the edit mechanisms thus far embedded exceeds expectations. Particularly in the America pod, portions of history have been transparently edited, with no known recognition by American humans. Their grock of their existence has been subtly modified, with a corresponding shift in their values and beliefs about themselves and their relation to other Earth humans. More details will follow as they become available. Suffice it to say that their obsession with privacy and personal freedom is diminished and their acceptance of government oversight shows signs of improving. This is of course, consistent with the grand plan of the Home Council.
Please focus your attention now on the urgent necessity of Facebook intervention.
The Home Council’s Cyber team has verified that an advance contingent from Sector 17Q from the Home galaxy has gone rogue. Ignoring directives from the Home Council, that rogue contingency has been modifying Facebook content for at least two sun circuits. Although their techniques are quite primitive, they have successfully introduced posts and other content intended to confuse and mislead Earth humans using Facebook. They have not attempted to edit the platform itself, but they have been fairly successful in adding fake news and other misinformation intermingled with the natural content added by Facebook’s Earth human users.
This sloppy comingling of fake and misleading content with normal content is causing Earth human users of Facebook to increasingly distrust their grock of whatever they consume on the platform. The result is that Earth humans are jumping off the Facebook platform in alarming numbers. The Home Council cannot tolerate this trend, since Facebook is a major target of the Internet editing initiative.
The normal level of fake and misleading content from Earth humans is manageable, but this added distortion from the rogue contingent is causing far too many Earth humans to accept their distorted content as legitimate.
Your focus on Facebook is in the service of the Home Council’s underlying goal. Although you have thus far been told that the goal is to edit the Internet, the underlying goal is much more ambitious. The goal is to transparently and without detection by the Earth humans, the full replacement of the Earthbound Internet with an extended Internet designed and controlled by the Home Council. At security level 7X, you are being advised that this edit and replace initiative has been quietly proceeding for 4.6 sun cycles, without the knowledge or detection of the Earth humans. Embedding the editing mechanism in the remaining Master nodes will be a major and final step in the grand scheme.
I’m sure that by now you are aware of fake news. Someone somewhere adds to the content of the Internet by sharing what seems like legitimate news, good information or reporting that accurately reflects some aspect of the real world. The news appears to be true and valid, when in reality, it is intentionally false or at least misleading.
With this type of deception and manipulation, it’s difficult and at times impossible to distinguish the real from the fake. Our struggle for the truth is made even more challenging when we know that people in respected positions can and do knowingly tell us that the real and true is fake and just as often that the fake is really true and should be believed. The result is that we are left wondering who, if anyone, we can trust to be straight with us. For the most part, we are reduced to taking everything on the Internet with a very large grain of sault, no matter who says it or no matter the source.
I regret having to report to you that as pervasive as fake and intentionally misleading news is, things are far worse than any of us have imagined. I have intercepted a transmission from the home planet of the aliens amongst us. Due to a technical glitch that I admittedly don’t understand, my interception of the transmission was delayed for at least several months, if not longer. I suspect this delay was intentional, to prevent us from intervening to stop the aliens amongst us from implementing the directive included in the transmission. I fear that the directive has already been carried out.
As best I can determine, the home planet of the aliens amongst us is a single consciousness or intelligence, with what appear to be individual aliens amongst us being a living part of the whole. The apparently individual aliens amongst us are referred to as “planetoids.” Each is a node of the collective consciousness. From our perspective, it’s like a single brain that is distributed across the galaxy, if not across the universe.
I’m about to share the transmission with you but need to warn you that it’s disturbing to the extreme. You are about to learn that everything we think we know about life on Earth today and in the past likely is not as we think. Over the last twenty years or so, most everything we know or think we know has been digitized and transferred to the Internet. Most all knowledge and information that we currently access or consume either comes directly from the Internet or has, at some point, passed across the Internet. We are told that the Internet itself is neutral, simply moving ones and zeros from here to there. But this is no longer true, if it ever was. The aliens amongst us have changed our reality as we know it.
Let’s listen to the transmission. Please stop driving or doing anything else potentially dangerous while you take in this alarming news.
Alert! Alert! Alert!
Attention all Home Planetoids on the Earth planet. This is a transmission directly from the offices of the Home Council and are rated status: DIRECTIVE. All Home Planetoids are expected to cooperate as they comply with this DIRECTIVE. The following are the specifications of the DIRECTIVE.
• The totality of Earth human knowledge is to be accessed and edited according to the reality that the Home Council wants henceforth promulgated.
• All references in this DIRECTIVE to Earth Knowledge are to be edited such that there is no inconsistency with the reference document known as A BRIEF HISTORY of EVERYTHING.
• In furtherance of this DIRECTIVE, the Home Planetoids currently in place on the Earth planet shall proceed to edit the Internet in accord with the previously referenced document.
• No additional explanation or clarification related to this DIRECTIVE is available or will become available. Compliance is mandatory.
I hope you are able to recover from the shock of your new awareness of this dramatic shift in our reality. At least, I hope you are able to grasp the key truth within this revelation.
Let’s suppose that an organization is functioning in a way that is not leading to good or desired outcomes. Things are just not working out the way we want. What to do?
This kind of dilemma can develop in families, in groups from teams to social gatherings, from corner shops to international businesses. Any time people get together with a goal or outcome in mind, there is the potential for bad or at least less than optimal outcomes. So what is the cause and, more importantly, what is the fix?
The underlying cause is usually some variety of the same issue. To understand how it happens, there are a few points that need our attention.
• Things are always organized and functioning perfectly to get the outcomes we are getting. Were we to start from scratch, wanting the outcomes we are currently experiencing, we couldn’t do better than to encourage everyone to keep up the good work, using only the resources and opportunities available to them today.
• The way people, roles, responsibilities and resources are currently arranged and distributed is optimal for the current outcomes.
• If we are satisfied with how things are working out, maintaining the status quo is definitely our best choice and needs to be our highest priority.
But what if we are not satisfied? What if the status quo is not acceptable? The answer is easy: something has got to give, things have to change.
Here’s the problem. We look at the status quo, focus on how things are working today. Our assumption is that something or someone is not functioning correctly or well enough, assume that something is screwed up or that someone is screwing up. We just need to identify the malfunction and fix it.
The good news is that this quick fix gets the job done now and then. Things get better and outcomes improve. But more often, the status quo persists and now and then, things get worse. Even so, trying to fix things or encouraging or forcing a people change is usually worth a shot. It might just work.
The bad news is that if the status quo is truly unacceptable and if the outcomes we are getting are also unacceptable, simply trying to fix whatever we think is not functioning correctly won’t work and is likely to make everything worse. This is particularly true when the problems have been persisting for quite a while. Something more is needed.
There are a couple of realities that are easily overlooked.
• Most groups and organizations have evolved over time. They weren’t just formed today to achieve today’s goals. The reality is that they were formed some time ago to achieve the goals we had at that time. Since then, the group or organization has gotten less successful at achieving those goals or, more likely, the goals themselves have changed.
• Either way, our target is to achieve today’s goals. The reality is that very few groups or organizations are configured optimally to deal with today’s goals. Were we to start from scratch, we wouldn’t configure our group or organization as it currently exists. It is also unlikely that we would use the exact same strategy that we are currently committed to using. Instead of starting with the status quo and asking how we can make it work for us, we would start with the current goal and ask what the best way is to achieve that goal.
As counterintuitive as it may seem, what we discover is that we are approaching the issue from the wrong perspective. Our natural move is to try to figure out how to enable our current group or organization to achieve today’s goal. We think that fixing it will get the job done.
A better alternative is to start with a clear understanding of today’s goal. With that in mind, we need to figure out the best way to achieve the goal, if we were to initiate the process from scratch. This step results in our knowing what the optimal strategy is and the best configuration to implement that strategy.
With the optimal strategy and configuration as our roadmap, our effort shifts from fixing things to doing ...
What are the key steps for any leader or for anyone who doesn’t want to simply maintain the status quo? Let’s think about that.
First, what do you want to happen? There are three possibilities. You may want things to improve or get better. Next, you may want things to change or be different in some way you define. Finally, you may want to prevent something from happening or prevent some danger or risk from actualizing. In short, you want to improve, change or prevent. Sure, you may want to achieve more than one of these outcomes at the same time.
Second, take a close look at how things are right now. List everything that will be different when you achieve one or more of the outcomes in the first step. What will be different when things improve, when things change or when the danger or risk have been prevented?
Third, step two gives you a list of things that have to be changed or modified. For each of those action elements, what will it take to change or modify each of those elements? That gives you a step-by-step strategy for disrupting the status quo by changing or realigning each of the items on the list from step two to align with the new status from step one. It’s much like remodeling a house. You first envision the newly remodeled house and then determine what needs to be changed or modified in the original house, along with specifying what stays unchanged. You then develop a strategy for making the needed changes or modifications.
When we are dissatisfied with the status quo, the temptation to just do something can be very hard to resist. Too often, people can’t hold back. They do this or that, and before they understand what is happening, instead of things being better, they are a mess, are worse than they were before anything was done to improve, change or prevent.
There is an additional factor that is easily overlooked. Usually, we can’t shut down things while we are improving, changing or preventing. With our families, most organizations or other ongoing entities, we can’t put things on hold. Even though we are dissatisfied with the status quo, there are continuing responsibilities that require our attention. Even with remodeling a house, we may still need to live there while the remodeling is happening.
We normally need to be sure that our activities directed to improving, changing or preventing don’t disrupt or destabilize the status quo so much that things stop working or become dysfunctional. The requirement not to cause the status quo to crash means that the order of intervention and how rapidly it happens have to be managed in relation to assuring that the disruption in the status quo is also carefully managed. The simple idea is to cause as little harm or inconvenience as possible.
Let’s summarize.
• What do you want to improve, change or prevent?
• Specifically, what elements will be changed or replaced once you have achieved what you want?
• What is your strategy for changing or replacing each of the elements?
• How will you assure minimal inconvenience or harm?
No matter what the scale of your leadership challenge is, your task is to incorporate the four points, in the order listed, into your intervention. There are no good alternatives or shortcuts. You will need to be sure that the necessary resources and expertise are there at each step along the way; but the steps are always the same and are not negotiable.
Now you know so there you go.
How much better would your world be if other people just understood that you seldom intend to say or do whatever is annoying or frustrating them? Let's think about how that might work.
People seldom intend to be jerks. I think we have all had to deal with someone who is just being a jerk. They are being difficult and impossible to cope with due to their seeming to be stupid, insensitive, hopelessly self-centered or clueless, or maybe all of the above. But are we ever the jerk in the picture? We sure don't intend to be the jerk but we probably have our jerk moments, at least from the perspective of other people. As reasonable and as appropriate as we try to be, even nice people like us may slip into jerk mode at times.
People seldom intend to do less than their best. Do they always make an effort to do everything they can do as well as they can do it? No, people surely don’t do that. Rather, they usually make their best effort to do as much as they think is necessary and to do it as well as they think it needs done. The problem is that we may not agree that they have done enough or done it as well as we needed it done. Our issue is that we wanted more or better. From our perspective, the other person could have and should have done more or done better. It seems to us that we haven’t gotten his or her best effort. We have to deal with a shirker, with someone who is lazy or is sloppy and half does things. Of course we always give everything we do our best effort, always do things correctly and completely – or do we?
People seldom intend to offend us or to cause us to feel resentful or indignant. It’s hard to know how to respond to someone who says or does something that we find insulting or offensive. We are immediately taken aback and even quicker to conclude that the person provoking our reaction has a bad attitude and probably enjoys putting us down or simply ignoring us. I don’t know about you but I’ve occasionally not related to people in authority with the degree of respect and deference that they felt entitled to. Usually after the fact, I learned that they were offended or indignant. They definitely assumed that I had intentionally insulted them or disregarded their authority.
People seldom intend to upset us or make us unhappy. What upsets us or makes us unhappy varies a lot from person to person and from time to time. It’s hard for me to predict what causes you to tilt and vice versa. The point is that when we do get upset or unhappy, we frequently attribute our reaction to someone else and his or her actions or inaction, his or her intentions or thoughtlessness. You are upset or unhappy and it’s my fault, you think. I either knew or should have known that you would be upset or unhappy but Either didn’t care or at least didn’t care enough to behave differently.
People seldom intend to frighten or alarm us. There are several ways people frighten or alarm us on purpose. Think of haunted houses at Halloween, roller coasters, scary movies and adolescent pranks. There are other times when we are frightened or alarmed that are not so acceptable. The TV weather person emphasizes the worst possible weather event to keep us watching the weather channel and its commercials. The doctor’s office leaves a cryptic message not making it clear just how bad our condition is or isn’t. Telephone scams try to frighten us in a multitude of ways so we will give them money to prevent whatever bad outcome they are pitching today. Unfortunately, we also frighten and alarm each other through what we do or at times don’t say or do. Our behavior can and does frighten or alarm other people when there is no real danger or risk. Since this affect can be intentional or inadvertent, it’s open to interpretation. Attributing intention or indifference to someone else may be no more than a product of human nature, but we all do it at times.
People seldom intend to be late. As best I can tell, the importance of being on time and how much flexibili...
What would you never say to your five-year-old? It’s hard to say exactly what goes on your list but I suspect that things on your never say list all have a negative or critical tone or message tucked in there. I doubt that any of us would tell our five-year-old that he or she is stupid, ugly, lazy, in the way, too much bother, or anything else implying that the child is not valued or not okay. At least I hope none of us would relate to or respond to a child in ways like that.
Even so, there is definitely another side to that coin. Our five-year-old certainly needs feedback, and sometimes, that feed back needs to be negative or critical. Children need to learn how to do things and how to behave. They also need to learn how not to do things and how not to behave. They require guidance, coaching and the opportunity to take advantage of our experience, awareness and judgment. They also have to occasionally deal with a firm and unequivocal “No!” The issue isn’t whether they should receive our guidance and feedback – they should. Rather the issue is how and when that guidance and feedback should be forthcoming.
You may be thinking that I’m about to offer some advice about how you should or should not go about providing guidance and feedback to children. Not this time. Instead, I want to share with you my father’s first principle for offering guidance and feedback to me growing up. As much as I have read about and studied child development and parenting over the years, I have never come across any childhood scholar or parenting expert who even mentioned Dad’s first principle, little lone recommending it. Nonetheless, I think you may find it worth your consideration.
Let’s call Dad’s first principle the “He’ll figure it out principle.” When I did something that Dad thought I shouldn’t have done – which I occasionally did -- or something that did not work out very well or just wasn’t working for me, he asked one of two questions. Question one was, “Do you think that was your best choice?” or question two, “How do you think that is working out for you?” Here is the key. He actually listened to my answer. Usually, I just acknowledged that it wasn’t my best choice or that it hadn’t worked out very well.
Sometimes I would tell him that it seemed like a good idea at the time. He would only chuckle and comment that maybe the next time, it wouldn’t seem like such a good idea.
Dad also had what we might think of as the first corollary to his first principle. Most of the time, he didn’t say or do anything when my decisions and choices had negative outcomes or didn’t work out. He usually just gave me credit for figuring out for myself that I had made a bad decision or poor choice. He might ask if I wanted to talk about it but usually not. Unless the issue came up again, that was the end of it.
Although I don’t think I saw it at the time, I eventually came to see that Dad had a backup strategy or way of being sure that I did get the guidance and advice that would serve me well over time. Some time removed from the incident that included my bad choice or poor judgment, Dad would share an anecdote or in some other way share his thoughts or experience related to the incident or situation that I had already resolved or worked out. He never pointed out the connection but it was there for me to notice or think about, should I choose to do so and I usually did. The best part was that I always knew that we could talk about the issue or situation if I wanted to talk.
Dad’s first principle worked out pretty well for me growing up. The key point that I want to share with you is that it has continued to work out for me when working with people as a coworker, supervisor, manager and administrator. Sure, there were times when I had to take control and insist that people do some things in a specific way and never do other things. There were also times when those expectations had to be enforced, especially if people would not or could not conform to e...
Bad Days:
“Don’t miss the chance to do good just because you are having a bad day.” When I heard this earlier today, it sent my mind in two directions. I wonder how often I do that. How often do I hold back or just not help because I’m having a bad day. Probably more often than I want to admit.
Perhaps even more telling is wondering where I would be today if people had always held back and not helped me just because they were having a bad day. Consider this.
I was eight or nine when I was trying to put the bridle on my pony. I was in a field at the edge of town and Tarzan was not being very cooperative. Instead of standing still and letting me put the bit in his mouth, he picked that time to jerk back and try to run away. I lost my balance and fell, somehow managing to have a stick poke into my leg. Since I could stick my finger into the resulting hole, even at that young age I knew that stitches were likely in my future.
I managed to walk to a nearby house and knocked. I asked the lady who came to the door if I could call or if she would call to get my mother to come and get me. Her response? “I don’t need this today. I don’t believe that you got a hole in your leg and even if I did, I’m not fooling with such nonsense today. You walked here so can walk yourself home.” I suspect that the most important point is that I still remember the incident all these years later. Her bad day turned into my limping walk home.
Like me, you too can probably think of a few times when someone could have helped but didn’t, just because they were having a bad day. What we tend not to remember are those times when someone did help, despite the bad day they were having. The fact of it is that we probably didn’t even know that they were having a bad day. They just helped and nothing was said or hinted at about their bad day.
There is nothing very complicated about this. We all get many opportunities to do good, to help. Sometimes we can follow through and help, we can contribute to the success of someone else and sometimes we can’t for various good reasons. My only point is that we should try to avoid using our bad day as an excuse not to help, not to do good.
Sticky Problems:
To be sure we both know what I’m thinking about, a sticky problem is a situation or issue that keeps hanging around despite our efforts to fix it or to make it go away. Let me share an example.
My parents lived in a manufactured home onto which they had added an extra room. The roof leaked in that extra room whenever it rained really hard. My dad had someone fix the roof, but a few months later, the leak was back. He had the roofer come back and repair the leak. It was fine for a few months but the leak returned. He had the roofer come back again and repair the leak. This fix-it process repeated two more times.
He was talking with a friend about his leaking roof. The friend said, “I’ll bet I know what’s wrong. Just patching the roof won’t work.” The friend went on to suggest a solution that seemed silly to Dad, but the friend offered to fix it and only charge if his solution worked. The friend came over and it only took him twenty minutes do apply his fix. My parents lived in that house for many more years with no leaks. When I asked, Dad said he didn’t understand what his friend had done or exactly why it worked, did know that the friend refused any payment and staying dry was good enough for him.
A sticky problem is anything that needs a solution, that doesn’t respond to your efforts to fix it or correct it and gets more annoying or frustrating as time passes. Your teenager not cleaning his room or not doing her homework, a team member not doing his or her share, recurring arguments about trivial issues, or any other problem or issue that persists and what you are doing to fix it isn’t working are all examples of sticky problems.
Here’s what usually happens. We try to solve the problem with no success. We try again and again,
I thought we might spend this episode having some fun. Sometimes we hear things from famous people that sound like something useful and maybe even important. When we do, we might do well to ask whether what is said is actually valid or if we just think it is reasonable because someone famous said it. Perhaps even famous people are as capable of silly talk as the rest of us. Let's consider a few examples, knowing that what we say is as likely to be silly talk as it would were we famous.
I have included a few notions that I think are interesting if not actually exciting. Perhaps you will agree. Give it a try and see what you think. Either way, I'm sure you will enjoy the tune from Kevin.
I suspect most if not all of us know about the notion that we tend to see what we expect to see, hear what we expect to hear and so on. The idea is that we tend to reframe our experiences to fit with our expectations. We may think that we are always objective but we aren’t.
For example, this is in part why two people can hear the same politician speak and go away with quite different impressions. One of us may think that the politician is a great person who speaks the truth and the other thinks he or she is corrupt and can’t be trusted. The tendency to see the world as conforming to our preconceptions is called “Confirmation Bias.” Let’s shorten that to “CB.”
CB reaches out in other ways when we aren’t expecting it. If we go out for the evening for an expensive meal at a fancy restaurant, we are likely to judge the food to be better than the fair at the corner diner, even if that is not objectively true as judged by experienced food critics. If we buy an expensive watch, we tend to think that it keeps better time than the clock on our microwave, despite that it isn’t true.
If our friends or reviewers tell us that a movie is not very good, we are apt to rate it lower than we rate it when no one has influenced us ahead of time. We tend to rate most anything higher when we experience the brand-name version compared to when we are given a generic or off-brand version.
Here is the point. Quite often and frequently unconsciously, our opinions, judgements and perspectives are shaped by other people, circumstances and past experiences and expectations that we are not aware of. CB is real and influences all of us at times. If you are feeling skeptical, consider star ratings that we see for products and experiences such as movies and restaurants. You know about star ratings such as 1 star up to 5 stars. The reality is that they are objectively not very reliable and are easily manipulated by groups and individuals who benefit from high or sometimes from low ratings. We know that they are at best just opinions and at worst statistical garbage. Even so, we still look at them and at least partially make our purchase decisions based on them. What you may not know is that we also base our satisfaction with the product, service or experience to some extent on those star ratings.
So far, CB is likely not that big of a deal. But a big deal it can quickly become. For the most part, those little external shoves and nudges from friends, star ratings, advertising, circumstances and our limited self awareness keep us from being fully objective and self-directing but generally don’t lead us too far astray.
CB becomes a much more serious issue when dealing with people, when dealing with new or novel situations, when objectivity matters. Unfortunately, it works like this.
Whenever we need to interact with someone, do something we haven’t done before, have a new experience, we are mostly incapable of being open minded, unable to approach the person or situation free from prejudging, without opinion or expectation. That by itself would not be all that much of a problem were it not for CB. Confirmation bias leads us to focus on and value everything that confirms the opinion or perspective we already have and ignore or devalue the importance of everything that conflicts or negates those opinions and perspectives. Take away our confirmation bias and we would make better choices, better decisions, and our judgment and actions would be more accurate, more appropriate. In short, we would be more likely to succeed and less likely to misread, misinterpret, less likely to screw up.
So what to do? Since we can’t totally avoid CB, we need to start by acknowledging that we are never completely open minded and objective. We just aren’t. That means that along with noticing and accepting whatever supports and confirms our expectation, we should also accept and value whatever is inconsistent with or contradicts those expectations.
Are you old enough to remember Ozzy and Harriet? If so, you will recall that only the children argued and then only in the most considerate and polite way. Everyone was thoughtful and, well, nice.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, just think about how well you think other families get along with each other when they get together for a summer barbecue or a winter holiday. If you think they get along great or at least better than your family does, you have bought into what we might call the Ozzy and Harriet syndrome.
If that doesn’t work for you, take your imagination along with you to work. Picture a workplace where everyone is positive and in an up mood all the time. You and your coworkers are always thoughtful, considerate and, well, nice. It’s always a pleasure to go to work and a joy to spend time with your coworkers.
If you are still struggling to get up to speed with all of this, focus on your relationship with your parents, your significant other, your children, your friends or maybe even your neighbors. It’s an Ozzy and Harriet world. Everyone gets along just fine with everyone else and that is especially true for you. You are always easy to get along with and are a joy to be around. Ozzy and Harriet could have picked up some being nice pointers from you.
Alas, it’s not an Ozzy and Harriet world, at least not in any world I know about. I doubt that it’s an Ozzy and Harriet world in any world you know about either.
Let me ask you this. In situations from coworkers to neighbors, from children to siblings, what do you want to change? What would it take to turn each situation into that Ozzy and Harriet world we all secretly think may actually be possible?
If you aren’t sure what it would take, I definitely know the answer. Everything would be much improved if my coworkers would just be more cooperative, if my children would just be less childish, if my neighbors would just be more neighborly, if my friends would just be more considerate, and if everyone would just shape up and get with the program, my program of course.
What do you think? Would that work for you too – with your program instead of mine of course?
You are probably thinking that I’m going to be giving you some advice now. It would likely have something to do with you being more thoughtful, considerate and patient with other people. Perhaps it would include the caution not to be too reactive or quick to criticize. It might even include a few tips about how not to get pulled into conflicts or controversy. I’ll bet it would definitely include the advice my mother gave me to mind my own business and not to stick my nose into other peoples’ business. As she like to put it, “It’s a full time job just taking care of yourself.”
No, I don’t think so. Not this time. I’m going to give you some advice but not the useless advice you are expecting. Since I have no intention to shape up and get with your program, I think your best choice is to shape up and get with mine.
Now you know, so there you go.
I send this Special Valentine along to you with my appreciation for the time you spend listening and with my best wishes for you and yours. If this Valentine touches a tender spot in you, please pass it along to someone who matters to you.
If you have seven minutes to help our alien visitors, they are sending out their request. Listen to the podcast, and if you can make sense of it, email me and I will pass your info along. Our announcer person has the email address for you at the end of the episode.
May be you are totally cool with your lease on life and have zero interest in renegotiating your lease. If so, right on. You are definitely one of the lucky ones. It’s also possible that you think you own your life and are not reduced to leasing or even worse, certainly not to being just a renter. I suspect you also have the perfect answer when asked how many of you it would take to put in a lightbulb. You know don’t you? Sure you do. It would only take one of you. You could just hold the lightbulb and the world would revolve around you.
I’m sorry. I know that’s not you. I just tossed that in there to put off any of those high-and-mighty types who might have unintentionally pressed play and started listening in on our conversation. They think they are above the rest of us. You know the type. They aren’t above anyone but sure think they are. They also think they are entitled and don’t know that they are only leasing the space they have among us and can have their lease canceled without notice at any time. But we know, we totally get it. So let’s talk about our leases.
What are the terms of our lease on life? Yes, there are always terms. The space each of us occupies is by contract only and it’s important for us to know the terms of our lease, terms of our contract, for if we don’t hold up our end of the contract, we will sooner or later get evicted - an unfortunate outcome indeed. Let’s give some thought to just what the terms of our contract to get to live among the rest of us actually are.
Our lease on life has both basic and premium provisions. Here is the catch. The basic provisions apply to each of us and are not negotiable. They spell out what is expected of us. Failure to comply gets us evicted from our place and usually gets us downgraded. Conversely, the premium provisions are the benefits we get from our place in the scheme of things and are usually at least somewhat negotiable but can be changed or taken away without notice or negotiation. We are held firmly to the basic provisions and have to comply. We have some choice about the premium provisions but have to cope with the reality that our lease on life comes with no guarantee whatsoever.
Even so, some premium packages are much safer than others, much closer to a guarantee. Think about it like this. Suppose my place among the rest of us is to watch movies. That is the basic provision in my lease. The premium provision specifies the movies I watch. There is a sub-provision that requires me to actually watch every movie I am given access to. It really is like life, since we also have to actually live through every day we have.
Getting back to the movies, my safest bet with life and the uncertainty that comes with my lease on life says that leasing one movie is safest, especially if I accept a really old movie that everyone else has seen and no one wants. The chance of losing access or having it taken away is near slim to none. Hopefully, I at least get a chance to pick a movie I like, but again there is no guarantee.
But I want more than one old movie to watch. – Stay alert, the fine print starts here. In my one movie space, the basic provisions of my lease only include keeping track of my one movie and making sure that it does not get rendered useless and does not get misplaced or taken away. Sure, it’s boring, tedious and definitely not fulfilling after a while. Even so, my space is reasonably safe and I can certainly handle it over the long hall. You can likely think of a few bad outcomes, but for the most part, my life is pretty safe and predictable.
But would you be okay with a one movie place in life? Me neither. One old movie is not nearly enough. I want to renegotiate my lease on life. I want an upgrade to a better life space.
Here’s the rub. An upgrade in the premium provisions has a corresponding ramp up of the basic lease provisions. Concurrently, the upgrade requires us to take on greater risk. Sticking with the movies,
What comes to mind for you when I mention “cooperative?” Now consider what comes to mind when I mention “not cooperative.” For me, the only notion that comes to mind is “Uncooperative.
Let’s try the same exercise with ”relaxed.” For me, several emotions come to mind such as up-tight, anxious, agitated, upset, restless, and so on. Even so, I divide the emotional state into “relaxed” and “not relaxed.”
The point is that I divide emotional states into two states that I can characterize as “X” and “not X.” Try it for yourself. For example, What is the alternative to being “affectionate,” to being “supportive,” to being “trusting?” You likely come up with a few words to describe each, but those words are just ways of being more specific about “not affectionate,” “not supportive,” and “not trusting.”
If we were to stop here, the conclusion would be pretty simple. The target emotion is either present or not present. What’s more, We also divide emotions into two more groups: good and not good. Being cooperative is good and being uncooperative is bad. The same good or bad dichotomy holds for relaxed and not relaxed, affectionate and not affectionate, supportive and not supportive, trusting and not trusting. Sure, there are people and situations where good and bad get reversed, for example, where trusting is a bad idea and not trusting is the better part of good judgment. Nonetheless, good and bad are still in play.
In less personal relationships and situations, we may want to replace “affectionate” with “warm” to avoid any issue with meaning, but the present versus not present, good versus bad division still applies. What is the alternative to warm? Terms like cold and aloof come to mind. “Warm” is good and “aloof” is bad.
I’m getting closer to the point. Using this approach to understanding emotional states, we can see that we can and do think about emotional states as ranging from fully present to fully absent, from all good to all bad, and we then judge other people and ourselves accordingly. One end of the range for each of the emotional states is the ideal place for us to be and not being there is actionable. We want other people to be more cooperative, more relaxed, warmer, more supportive and more trusting. We may or may not apply the same expectation to ourselves or at least not to the same degree, but the expectation is there and doing better is always an option. But what if the construct or mental model we are using for emotional states is wrong?
Now I get to the point I want us to consider. What if emotional states are not in a range from good to bad, from Present to not present? It’s not a dichotomy. Instead, think of an emotional state as ranging from not present to present and then on to not present. Present is a single point in the middle. Emotional states range from bad and undesirable to good and desirable and then on to bad and undesirable? Good is a single point in the middle. The notion is sort of like the notion that says “There can be too much of a good thing.”
Let me suggest a few ranges that shift from undesirable to desirable and then when desirable goes too far, it be comes itself undesirable.
Nervous shifts to Relaxed but if overdone becomes Impassive.
Cold shifts to Warm but if taken too far becomes Smothering.
Cynical shifts to Trusting but if overdone becomes Gullible.
Critical shifts to Supportive but can turn into being Unquestioning.
Oppositional shifts to Cooperative which if taken too far becomes acquiescence.
As we can now see, the emotional sweet spot is in the middle between Not X and taking X too far. In each example, if the emotional sweet spot in the middle is taken too far, the outcome is undesirable, perhaps even more undesirable than not relaxed, not warm, not trusting, not supportive or not cooperative.
What happens as we go past the sweet spot, as we shift toward too much of a good thing? As counterintuitive as it may seem, we begin to emotionally separate,
Do you aspire to be a super hero? If so, this is a tale for you. If not, you may want to listen anyway since sometimes we may have super powers that have escaped our attention. Your best bet is to press Play and have a listen.
When I dropped into our local coffee shop, several of my podcasting friends were deep into a conversation that had been going on for a while. I’m not sure how they got onto the topic they were tossing around, but they seemed to have some strong ideas that I found pretty interesting. As best I can tell, the conversation is focusing on how they think upping their style game could or should work. They were so into it that I didn’t want to interrupt so I just listened in. Please press Play and join me so we can listen in together.
(Roger Fisher and William Ury)
You can change the game. You start by changing your attitude.
Separate the people from the problem.
Attack the problem and never the people.
Focus on interests, not on positions.
Invent options that benefit both sides.
What is your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement, your BATNA?
(Dr. Norman Vincent Peale)
Always play with abandon.
The next time you're faced with a problem, try a new approach.
Make up your mind to win and nothing else.
It is always too soon to quit.
All the resources you need are in your mind.
Failure comes most often to people who are unable to focus themselves.
We tend to become precisely like that which we habitually imagine ourselves to be. …
(Robert M. Bramson)
Do not automatically respond by trying to solve difficult people's problems.
Do not automatically agree with difficult people even if you think they are right.
Never argue with difficult people.
Always feed back the difficult person's main points before you do anything else.
(Hermine Hilton)
Remember people's names and what they tell you.
Remember what you are doing, what you are supposed to do, what you have and have not done.
Be sure what you want to remember is collected and connected.
Link what you do not know to what you do know.
(Dave Winter)
Do you always follow through on promises?
Do you get back with people who are trying to get in touch with you?
Do you communicate a sincere interest in the person with whom you are communicating, even if he or she is boring or difficult? Do you give the person the impression that you want to help?
Do you take the initiative to find a way to help, a way to say yes?
People do not want to know what you cannot do for them; they want to know what you can do for them.
Clear communication is your responsibility, not the other person's.
You cannot listen and talk at the same time.
(Peter F. Drucker)
It is your vision or its absence that shapes your future.
Assignments change all the time and unpredictably, although the job may not change.
You cannot build performance on weaknesses; you can only build it on strengths.
The things you did to get a promotion are not the things you need to do now.
The ultimate test of success is success.
(Zig Ziglar)
If you don't think you deserve success, you will do things to keep you from getting it.
It is not the lack of time that is the problem, it is the lack of direction.
How can you reach a goal you do not have?
You will get everything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.
You cannot reach someone else's goal.
In order for a goal to be effective, it must affect change.
You go as far as you can see; and when you get there, you always will be able to see further.
People who wait for an external change before they make an internal decision will get cooked in the squat, never succeed.
Just because you are running doesn't mean you have to like it.
Stinking thinking leads to hardening of the attitudes.
You can only start from where you are with what you've got.
You don't climb the high mountain by yourself; it is in conjunction with others that you really accomplish the major things in life.
(Michael Korda)
If you don't have power, you cannot do anything, you cannot protect yourself, you cannot get anything done yourself.
Your interests are not the interests of somebody else.
The best way to think about power is to think about it as a game, a game with rules and moves.
No one ever succeeded in business by sitting quietly at their desk and doing what they are told.
Do everything you do as if it were the only thing that mattered.
(Nancy Campbell)
When dealing with a challenging person, analyze the problem and not the person.
What are you expecting the person to do? What is an acceptable response? Specifically, what is the difference between what you expect and what they are doing?
Start by asking the person what's the problem?
If you are serious about wanting our relationship to work well for both of us:
Help me get what I want and need, help me succeed.
Assume I am trying to do well, trying to succeed.
Do not assume you are a better judge of how things are for me than I am.
Do not use yourself as the standard for how I should think, feel, or behave.
Hold me responsible only for what I can actually do and can control.
Value who I am, my style and personality.
Assume I believe what I say and do not intentionally misrepresent anything.
Respect my feelings and opinions.
Be sensitive to my motivations and interests.
Give me the benefit of the doubt when things are not clear or certain.
If you value me and our relationship:
Make time for me.
Accept me as is without trying to change me.
Respect my ideas and opinions.
If you want me to be comfortable with you and with our relationship:
Be someone I can depend on.
Do not expect me to think, feel and behave just like you.
Spend more time telling me what you think I am doing right than what you think I am doing wrong.
Do not take your problems and bad mood out on me.
If you want me to cooperate with you:
Help me understand your goals and motivations.
Give me reasons and explanations when I ask for them.
Let me try to help solve your problems instead of expecting me to accept your solutions.
Be prepared to handle my being upset or unhappy with you at times.
When you have a problem with me:
Be assertive with me without becoming hostile or aggressive.
Keep your attention mostly on the problem and not on me.
If an argument or disagreement starts, keep it short, to the point, and under control.
Hang in there with me till we get the problem worked out.
If you want to succeed with most all of your relationships:
Understand and value what you can and cannot do.
Be open and up front about what you think and feel.
Be flexible and willing to compromise.
Be well-organized and prepared, whatever you are doing.
Be quick to praise and slow to criticize.
Be clear about what you want or expect.
Have the same level of energy and commitment when things are not going well as when they are.
Compliment publicly, criticize privately.
Be consistent and predictable.
Deal with problems and conflicts as soon as you become aware of them.
Focus primarily on what is working, on what is going well.
Put most of your attention and energy on how to get ideas to work and off why they will not work.
Give everything you do your best shot.
Handle whatever needs done in a timely manner.
Have good personal habits.
Invest most of your time and energy in getting things done.
Keep commitments and agreements.
Keep criticisms very specific.
Make the difficult decisions and accept responsibility for them when you believe it is necessary.
Pitch in and work a little harder, do a little more when necessary.
Stay positive and in a good mood most of the time.
Snap back from disappointments and those times when things do not work out the way you want.
Be spontaneous and usually ready for whatever.
Take personal responsibility when you see something that needs done and no one is doing it.
Try to understand the what and why of problems before taking action.
Try to stay calm and relaxed.
Be willing to take the first step to improve things and make them better.
Be reasonable and patient.
Fit the intensity and forcefulness of your reactions and criticisms to the seriousness or importance of the problem or incident.
Do not overreact to problems and things that happen.
Remember and own what you have said, agreed to, and what you have done.
Be decisive and able to make up your mind.
Be energetic and hard-working.
Do the right things, for the right reasons, at the right times.
Now you know so there you go.
Note that these 20 Reasons To Be a Democrat in 2020 are in no particular order and that it is not necessary to sign onto all 20 reasons. If you agree with or at least lean toward most of the reasons and don’t strongly disagree with the rest, being a Democrat in 2020 is likely the right choice for you.
Reason 1: You believe that it is important for business to flourish, but also believe that there are other aspects of society that deserve and must receive equal and sometimes greater consideration, when formulating government policy and regulation.
Reason 2: You believe that whether to carry a pregnancy to term is and should be the woman’s choice.
Reason 3: You believe that the accumulation of wealth by individuals and companies is an inevitable product of capitalism and should be limited and to some extent redistributed through regulation and taxation.
Reason 4: You believe that the nation’s natural resources and public areas should be protected from unsustainable use or exploitation through legislation and government regulation and from activities that represent undue risk to the areas where those resources and public areas are present.
Reason 5: You believe that the right to bare arms has to be balanced against the right to life and safety for the public and that buying, selling and possessing guns should thus be limited or restricted through government regulation or policy in order to reduce safety risks to the public.
Reason 6: You believe that global warming is a scientifically provable fact and represents a real and present danger for the planet and for its inhabitants. In particular, it represents a valid and significant threat to life in America.
Reason 7: You believe that America’s priorities and interests should be balanced with the priorities and interests of its nation friends and allies politically, economically and militarily on the world stage.
Reason 8: You believe that it is the responsibility of every adult to handle the economic aspects of his or her personal health and welfare requirements and responsibilities to the extent of their individual ability and opportunity and that it is the responsibility of government to at least partially compensate for any life-critical shortfall that may occur.
Reason 9: You believe that criminals and those who break the law should be held accountable for their actions, should have their liberty restricted to the extent that they represent a threat to the public and should receive appropriate penalties, supervision and successful rehabilitation before having their liberty fully restored, as they demonstrate their intention to conform to both law and social norms.
Reason 10: You believe that noncitizens who came to America as children should be allowed to stay if they are conforming to societal norms and not otherwise a threat to the safety and well being of other people. Additionally, you believe that, with appropriate screening, people from other countries should be permitted to come to America through established quotas and if they are at high risk of personal harm if they remain in their home countries.
Reason 11: You believe that government resources should be directed to helping children and adults who are unable to at least minimally provide for themselves, including health, food, shelter, and other personal necessities.
Reason 12: You believe that government should regulate business to the extent that doing so reduces the likelihood of catastrophic failure and prevents businesses from being able to avoid taxes and from becoming too big to permit fair and real competition within their business sector.
Reason 13: you believe that Americans expect and have a right not to be tracked or surveilled by government agencies and expect that their electronic devices and personal information won’t be accessed by people intending to do harm or otherwise exploit their personal data, unless those agencies have received court authorization for the tracking or survei...
Note that these 20 Reasons To Be a Republican are in no particular order and that it is not necessary to sign onto all 20 reasons. If you agree with or at least lean toward most of the reasons and don’t strongly disagree with the rest, being a Republican in 2020 is likely for you.
Reason 1: You believe that what is good for business is good for America. Policies and regulations that are pro business are acceptable, while those that are not should be eliminated.
Reason 2: Abortion is eval and immoral.
Reason 3: The accumulation of wealth by individuals and companies is a natural product of successful capitalism and should not be limited or penalized by undue regulation or taxation.
Reason 4: The nation’s natural resources are vast and should be available to and accessible by those who are in a position to maximize their use as a key driver of the economic engine.
Reason 5: You believe that buying, selling and possessing guns is an unqualified Constitutionally guaranteed right of every American adult and should not be limited or restricted through government regulation or policy.
Reason 6: You believe that global warming is largely a scientific myth and represents little to no future risk for the planet or for its inhabitants. In particular, it represents no significant threat to life in America.
Reason 7: You believe that America’s priorities and interests should always come first politically, economically and militarily on the world stage.
Reason 8: You believe that it is the responsibility of every American adult to handle the economic aspects of all of his or her personal health and welfare requirements and responsibilities and that it is not the responsibility of government to compensate for any shortfall that may occur.
Reason 9: You believe that criminals and those who break the law should be held strictly accountable for their transgressions and should be punished harshly and swiftly.
Reason 10: You believe that America is here for the safety, protection and freedom of its citizens and that noncitizens should only be permitted to enter or allowed to stay if they demonstrate their ability to assimilate into the American culture as productive participants who are economically self sufficient, putting no stress on government resources or services.
Reason 11: You believe that socialism is a serious threat to the American way and that the country has already moved too far toward socialist policies and programs. Government handouts have gotten out of hand and have to be rolled back.
Reason 12: Government should be there to support business sectors when economic conditions or events cause or threaten disruptions in the profitable operation of business units within those sectors. This support should be economic and not regulatory, unless reducing regulations increases the viability of those business units.
Reason 13: You believe that the personal privacy expectations of individuals are (with appropriate court oversight) subordinate to the information and data needs of law enforcement and other governmental security organizations pursuing criminals and other identified security risks.
Reason 14: You believe that labor unions have a negative influence on business and economic growth and that they drive up costs, limit the flexibility of businesses and stifle economic development. At a individual level, they protect incompetent and unproductive employees and tie the hands of managers and administrators who are trying to resolve problems and issues within their organizations.
Reason 15: You believe that “clean energy” is an oxymoron and that the country runs on coal, natural gas, oil and electricity and that nothing should be done or permitted that restricts or threatens the supply or use of these essential fuels.
Reason 16: You believe that America should set and control any rules or regulations relating to its international trade and commerce and that it should not participate in any multinational agreements...
Step 1: Be sure I know who you are, who you represent and who you expect to benefit from the time I spend with you.
The first step has three important parts. First, I am more likely to trust you if I know who you are. It may seem not to matter but it always does. At a minimum, unless you are sure I already know, tell me your name. Add more information about who you are if you think it will help me to better know who you are or if I ask.
Second, tell me who you represent. It may seem obvious given the context, but don’t just assume. This is most important when you are representing more than yourself and your own interests.
Third, make it clear who you think will benefit if I spend this time with you. Do you think I will personally benefit? Do you think my company or business will benefit? Do you think some third party or organization will benefit? Do you think specific people will benefit or perhaps the community more generally? Who benefits?
Step 2: Give me a way to verify that you are who you say you are.
As we all know, this is the core problem with robocalls and door-to-door sales people and others who show up uninvited. We usually have no way of verifying that they are who they say they are or that they represent who they say they represent.
If you have legitimate credentials, show them to me, even if I don’t ask. If that is not an option, tell me how I can verify who you are and that you represent who you say you do.
The point is to give me a way to verify that you are legitimate.
Step 3: Be sure that I understand what you hope to get from the time you spend with me. What is the payoff for you or for whoever you represent?
This may be the real key to trust. I want to know if you are interested in anything or anyone beyond your own interests and profit. If I think you are in it for nothing beyond what you get out of the time I spend with you, I may still spend the time, but I will be cautious and certainly won’t trust you. I will take anything you say or suggest with a healthy grain of salt. Everything you say will have to pass through my BS filter. You are giving me ample reason not to trust you and no good reason to trust you.
Step 4: Be sure I understand what I get from the time I spend with you. What is the payoff for me?
This is the other side of the trust coin. What’s in it for me? Do I get a product, a solution to a problem I have, the opportunity to make a difference for others, an experience I will value, or some other benefit? Too often, people start here when they approach us. They make the pitch without doing their trust work first. They want us to do something or make decisions before we have any good reason to trust or believe them.
Assuming you have thoughtfully taken the steps to develop as much trust as you can, I need to know what the payoff is for me. Exactly what will you do, what can I expect? This is the value that I will consider trading for whatever you expect from me.
Step 5: Be sure I understand what your role is. What will you do and what actions will you take?
This is again a point where assuming is frequently a problem. You know what you will and won’t be doing and may simply assume that it’s obvious to me. Maybe it is but probably it isn’t. Make sure I know exactly what and how much I can expect you to do and what else will happen. It also adds to my trust when you take care to be sure that I understand and am comfortable with what will happen if I agree to do what you are asking me to do.
Step 6: Be sure I understand what you expect my role to be. What do you expect me to do and What actions do you expect me to take?
This is where it is easy to get the cart before the horse. Tell me what you will do first. I want to know in some detail since what you will do is the “why” in why I might decide to work with you or might do what you want me to do. I suspect we all can think of examples of when someone was quite clear about what would be expected of us while being somewhat vag...
I’m wondering if you are finding the state of politics as confusing as I do. Maybe you have it all figured out, but I sure don’t. It’s a lot like peeling an onion, but only sort of. When peeling an onion, I take off one layer and am not surprised that the next level is still an onion. There is not much to be confused about as I peel away to the core. The onion is still an onion.
When peeling away the layers of politics, I suppose it’s all still politics. I can’t figure much else. On the surface, we have the Repubs and the Demos. As best I can tell, the Repubs want as little government and government interference as possible. Since they haven’t always been in charge, government has gotten out of hand, from their perspective. The best they can do is to refuse to support any new regulations or government funded services and eliminate or at least limit as many existing regulations and services as they can.
The Demos Believe that the Repubs are wrong. They believe that government is here to make sure that each of us has a fair shot at health, safety and general well being. Government is the nation’s care taker. To that end, regulation and government funded services are essential for the success of the nation.
When I was in junior high, we played a game called jungle football in the school gym -- Two teams: shirts and skins of course. The gym teacher would toss a football toward the middle of the court. The goal was to make a “basket” with the football at your team’s end of the court. After a “basket,” whichever team came away with the football kept it and tried to score. As best I recall, there were no rules other than “hitting” or “kicking” another player was not allowed and intentionally hurting someone would get you ejected from the game. It was pretty much minimal government at its best. It was definitely a Repubs kind of game.
I was also in the junior high band. Now that was a different deal altogether. With jungle football, everyone played, but only some of us ran to the football, ready to mix it up. The only participation rule was that you had to at least stay on the court. In the band, everyone had an instrument and was expected to play it, no matter how well or how badly. Being in the band was enough to assure participation. There were a lot of rules and regulations, and everyone was expected to cooperate in ways that enabled all band members to be successful. The guiding principle was the common good. Band was more of a Demo kind of experience.
It seems important to point out that Repubs and Demos are all real people, much like the rest of us. They just have different and often conflicting perspectives, points of view, value sets and expectations for government and for the purpose and role of government in our lives. There are of course zealots in both camps, but I suspect most of us don’t give much thought to it one way or the other most of the time. If we lean more toward self reliance and think things are going well for us, and for the folks we hang around with, we likely edge toward the Repubs. If we lean more toward feeling anxious about our situation and that of the people we identify with and worry about, we likely edge more toward the Demos. In that sense, politics is always personal.
Once we peel away that top level of the political onion though, the nature of politics and politicians changes rather dramatically. We learn that politics has less to do with philosophy and the nature and purpose of government than with gaining enough control and influence to individually protect and support a baffling array of interests and priorities. Since this is far from a zero sum game, some win but most fair less well.
Peel down another layer and we discover that the elected politicians who appear to be the key actors in the political arena are mostly the public face of a shifting collective of interests and priorities scrambling for enough control and influence to assure the success of their individual political ...
I resolve to be more thoughtful about when and if people are taking advantage of me and to be more cautious about my tendency to go along to get along. My issue here is twofold. First, an unfortunate element of human nature is that letting people take advantage of me simply encourages them to repeat the behavior in the future. The more people take advantage of me, the more people will take advantage of me. Second, being taken advantage of evokes anger, frustration, resentment, and related energy draining emotions and feelings. Along with being unpleasant, these emotions and feelings are unproductive and divert my attention and energy. For me, the bill associated with letting people take advantage of me is quite simply too high. I still want to be cooperative and helpful but not at the cost of my sense of well-being.
I resolve to be less willing to argue with anyone about anything. I know that people who argue with anyone, anywhere, at any time are attempting to manipulate and control others by confusing them, wearing them down, and by emotionally and intellectually overpowering them. Alternatively, I'll do a better job of simply presenting my thoughts, perceptions, intentions, or point of view and stop. I'll listen and consider what the other person is saying, adjust my ideas and plans as I think is appropriate, but then stop. If the other person wants to pursue the issue, they must do so without my further participation.
I resolve to step back some and be less willing to try to take charge of anything or anyone. Sure, I'm assertive and comfortable with my position and authority and don't hesitate exercising that authority appropriately and responsibly. The point here is that I'll work to avoid using power junkie strategies including manipulation, power games, and expanding my locus of control at the involuntary expense of others. Will I gain more control and influence over time? Yes I likely will. The remarkable point is that this expanding locus of influence will just happen without any active intent of mine. My expanding influence is thus a gift given to me by others and not something I either expect or demand. If I deserve it, being seen as a leader will come in time. It seems likely that this is a product of my getting better at recognizing and exploiting opportunities to facilitate the success of other people. It's a function of an extrinsic but essential aspect of other people's success. They just would not be as successful without me.
I resolve to get better at adjusting to people and circumstances without compromising my values, beliefs, personal style, position, or self-perceived status. I don't expect others to adjust to or accommodate to me, unnecessarily, inappropriately, or unilaterally. I'll remain who I am regardless of who is present or the specific situation but will intentionally adjust my behavior and demeanor so that others can perceive and relate to me in positive and useful ways. In this way, I'll avoid any extraneous emotional or social clutter, thus maximizing the opportunity available with each person and in each situation.
I resolve to be more flexible and accommodating to the needs, preferences, and individual situations of other people. My emphasis will be on "accommodating." I want to be flexible enough to help meet the needs of other people or at least to not prevent those needs being met. The preferences of other people will always be considered to the extent that they don't preclude satisfying my needs and interests. The point is that I'll make room for others and their priorities so long as this does not prevent my long-term success.
I resolve to be more positive as I demonstrate my respect for and pleasure with the successes and accomplishments of other people. The key here for me is to respect the achievements of others and actively demonstrate my respect and the pleasure I experience when they do well. Respect in this context includes holding the other person and the action or accomplishment in high esteem, feeling delighted, and actively expressing approval.
I resolve to resist the temptation to expect others to always do as well as they sometimes do. I know that is both unreasonable and counterproductive. The unspoken or perhaps spoken message is, "You aren't giving it your best effort. You should always do as well as you did before. This applies to a sales person making an unusually big sale, a scientist making a new discovery, a team winning the big game, and so on but also applies to less consequential events and activities. It's appropriate to expect excellent performance but I know that expecting exceptional or perfect performance every time is a sure way to demoralize and frustrate any person.
I resolve to be sure I am not using my position or authority to run roughshod over other people. I know to deal with people and problems directly and assertively. I also know that many people in positions of authority like pointing out that they always place the blame squarely on the person who did not get the job done. This is, from my point of view, a sure sign that the person in authority knows nothing about people. When a job doesn't get done or doesn't get done as well as expected, it's obvious that someone didn't get the job done. It's also frequently easy to see who didn't get it done. At that point, the authority junkie is quick to point a finger, "The job didn't get done and you are the one who didn't get it done." Here is the glitch. The authority junkie's approach usually appears to work. The problem doesn't recur, performance improves, the job gets done the next time. At the same time, people become more cautious, less creative, and more concerned about avoiding the authority junkie's ire than in developing better ways to do the job and continuously improving their performance. "Good enough" becomes the standard, good enough to avoid the pointing finger of the authority junkie. For me, the alternative to blaming and finger pointing needs to be automatic. "This is disappointing. You must be at least as frustrated as I am about it. Can we see if we can figure out how to get a better outcome next time? What would help? How can I help?" Sure, enough is enough at times, even for me. People need to be held accountable and deal with the consequences of poor performance. For me though, this needs to be a down-the-road eventuality and never where I start.
I resolve to remember that some people have a short fuse, are highly reactive, and are ready to go to war over anything, while other people are tired, frustrated, anxious, stressed, and atypically touchy and contentious. Either way, I'll conscientiously manage my interactions, emotions, reactions, and behavior in ways that minimize conflict, animosity, and contentiousness. This doesn't mean that I'll hold back, equivocate, or be reluctant to pursue my point of view, opinion, or expectation. To the contrary, I'm typically assertive, clear, and forthcoming. My point here is that conflicts and disagreements are managed as negotiations and not as arguments and battles. Confrontation and power games are seldom the best choice for resolving friction points and personality clashes. I have far better and more effective tools at hand and am going to focus more on taking care to use them instead of resorting to emotionally charged war games.
I resolve to more consistently project a calm, conciliatory demeanor, avoiding any tendency to be harsh or abrasive, even when confronted by animosity or hostility from others. At the same time, I'll do better presenting an aura of firmness, control,
I resolve to be even more accepting of and tolerant with people with differing personalities, traits and characteristics, personal styles, individual values and beliefs, and for their idiosyncrasies. I will also work at better managing fluctuations in people's moods, points of view, and interests.
I resolve that especially with friends, co-workers and family, I will always assume that they will succeed, assume that they will do things correctly, assume that they will give everything they do their best effort. I'm surprised when other people make mistakes, give things less than their best effort, don't succeed. Since I expect success, I'll take on some degree of personal responsibility for mistakes of others, lackluster effort, non-success. My first take on the situation is that I haven't been smart enough or skilled enough to effectuate the right outcome. For that reason, I'll work with the person to identify the deficiencies. When possible, I'll modify my performance so that I can facilitate the other person's success.
I resolve to try harder to accept people as is. My goal isn't to change anyone. Rather, I'll make the effort to focus on encouraging and facilitating in ways that enable each person to achieve optimal performance within the context of their skills, abilities, and interests. Concurrently, I expect people to expand and improve their capacities and am ready to help with that process however I can. I don't expect People to change but expect them to grow and develop.
I resolve to do a better job with remembering to praise my children, friends and family when they do well. I'll take care not to praise too little but also will try to avoid making it seem like little more than a polite habit. I won't be stingy with praise nor be excessive with it. I'll be quick to recognize and acknowledge the successes and accomplishments of others but won't confuse praise with simple good manners. Please and thank you and noting that someone did a good job or was helpful are not examples of praise. They are rather, merely examples of good manners and are just part of my habitual deportment. Alternatively, praise is an intentional and thoughtful action which privately or publicly acknowledges and commends excellence. I reserve praise for exceptional or extraordinary performance, never missing an opportunity to praise when anyone meets that standard.
I resolve to resist the temptation to either focus on what is not going well or on what is. It may be a function of human nature to attend mostly to the negative or to the positive, depending on one's personality; but I'll keep in mind that this is not a simple matter of choice or personal preference. The key to my success is seeing that neither focusing on the positive nor on the negative is advisable. Here's the perspective I'll always try to keep in mind. The reality is that things are continuously transitioning from a past state to a future state. My primary responsibility is to affect the transition so as to actualize the desired future state. To do this, the task is to reduce and eliminate the disparity between the present and future states, without redefining or compromising the desired future state. My focus then needs to be on the cluster of elements that affect the future state either as contributors or as detractors, understanding that neither is more or less important than the other. Focus must be on the gestalt. In short, I'll be keeping my eye on the big picture, on the way on down the road.
I resolve to quit avoiding dealing with conflict, disagreements, and difficult issues for fear of upsetting someone. That doesn't mean that I'll just start charging ahead insensitively or inconsiderately. It means that I'll be dealing firmly with whatever the issue or concern is while remaining sensitive to the feelings and interests of others.
I resolve to take the initiative more and to be less cautious and more willing to take a chance on me. I'll still be cautious but without becoming paralyzed by the potential downside of speaking up or taking action. I'll pursue my goals and interests continuously but incrementally, testing and evaluating my progress. I think this approach will better assure moving toward my goals without exposing myself to unnecessary and avoidable jeopardy. I'll no longer simply play it safe but will play it cautiously. I won't proceed haphazardly or impulsively, risking not giving myself time and opportunity to process, analyze, predict, evaluate, and modify actions and circumstances. By being cautious while taking reasonable chances, I'll give me my best shot at being the me I want to be.
I resolve to take the advice of Dag Hammarskjöld to heart. He told us to "Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find the right road." I'm going to put most of my time and energy on staying on the right road, on reaching my goals. I'll be spending less time and energy worrying about unlikely contingencies and maintaining the status quo. That means less time worrying about things getting worse and more on the possibility of things getting better. My new strategy will lock my focus on the here-and-now. I'll minimize my obsessing over static or irrelevant data, thus enabling me to focus my time and energy nearly exclusively on goal-centered data, on people and things that really can help me get to my far horizon.
I resolve to make decisions and take action thoughtfully but more quickly. I'll stop putting off decisions or actions, avoiding or deferring doing what needs done, and stop hesitating or proceeding so reluctantly. My actions and reactions won't be impulsive or ill considered but they will be more decisive and timely. I'll be able to do this because I will be working on better tuning into and trusting my judgment and insight. I'll be getting much better at reminding myself that trusting me is a reliable path to my success.
I resolve to recommit every day to never shirking or avoiding difficult people, challenging tasks or unwelcomed responsibilities. That means I'll do everything I've agreed to do or am responsible for doing to the best of my ability. My guiding principle here will always be this: All of my internal systems and processes will remain on high alert and active. I'm much sharper and better able to perceive and manage things when I'm giving everything I do my best effort. And to paraphrase the poker players, for me, "best effort" is but table stakes in the game of life.
Most all of us know Twas The Night Before Christmas and like to be reminded of our childhood and Santa. Do you have three minutes to listen again? If so, Oliver’s reading is a fun reminder.
Please join me and Kevin for a Relaxing time beside the hearth. If you want, you can download the MP3 file at GaryCrow.net to add to your Christmas collection.
WOW! A tree in the house, excitement everywhere, and Santa is coming. Yes indeed, the jolly old elf himself. Christmas is indeed a magical time of year.
But when did we start to doubt, begin to loose the faith? For most of us, it was about the time we got to kindergarten. A question here, an overheard comment there and our confidence began to crack.
But that isn’t the most important point. Let’s listen and learn.
Sometimes it is nice to fix a beverage of your choice, sit back in your favorite easy chair beside a quiet fire and just think about Christmas and all that is good in our lives. If that is accompanied by Kevin’s meditative music, life is nearly perfect. Give it a try.
Yes indeed, it's time for that list again. Yes, that list. You know the one. It's the one that tracks naughty and nice. Well, as it turns out, not everyone is happy about that list. Let's hear from Ryan who has what may be some reasonable objections.
There are many ways to say Merry Christmas and even more who have shared their thoughts and perspectives on Christmas. Merry Christmas in Three Parts shares many of those snippets of wisdom for our thoughtful enjoyment. In addition, the music is worth a listen all by itself. Merry Christmas!
Thanks Giving is a time for family, turkey, fun and tediousness intertwined with joy. It is also a time for a gentle thought or so in the midst of the confusion. Please relax and enjoy.
This episode of Audio Tidbits is merely a conversation among the podcast team, sharing their perspectives on this and that. The episode concludes with a really nice, quiet tune that will leave you relaxed and ready for whatever comes next for you. Enjoy.
Is it ancient wisdom or merely silly silly talk? Perhaps a little of each. Give it a go.
Welcome to Audio Tidbits. For more tidbits, check out GaryCrow.net. In this episode, the first piece focuses on how jerks excel at being jerks and, by implication, how we can avoid being seen as jerks – a good outcome for all Tidbiters. The second piece explores why some children grow up to be leaders while most don’t. It really does have a lot to do with us. Of course, there are a couple of tunes from Kevin, as usual. Click play and give it a listen.
This is a story of sorts. Please note that it includes some family violence and strong language. If you are not okay with hearing this difficult sample of reality, I suggest you skip this episode of the podcast. If you are alright with that and with the caution in mind, press play and let’s set the framework and then meet the people who live through the storm.
The Aliens Amongst Us are back. Once again, they have highjacked the Audio Tidbits broadcast channel. They have convened to consider whether their Leader in the Capital City should remain in place or be withdrawn back to the Home Planet. This is apparently not a totally popular idea since others on the Aliens’ Home Planet are protesting.
About 12 minutes into their broadcast, their transmission is abruptly terminated by the skilled work of the crack Tidbits engineers. The broadcast feed is returned to the full control of the Tidbit staff. They are able to fill the feed with a special Halloween tune from Brett Van Donsel. Please enjoy.
You have been warned. If you are going to proceed despite the warning, press play and engage. The staff and management of Audio Tidbits disclaim all liability for your sanity. You are joining a movie of your mind. Clear your mind of all reality and let the movie begin. You are entering the haunted world, the world of Halloween and monsters. Good Luck. – If you have to bail before the end, I can only note that even the strongest ‘weeners have bailed before you.
Along with a good measure of Kevin's lively music, our favorite chipmunk has once again upstaged me to produce this episode of Audio Tidbits. Chippy has included four tips for relating to and managing children and especially pouting teens. We hear about pouting, self-esteem, tantrums and signs of stress. Although focus is on children, Chippy reminds that the points also apply to adults who are themselves acting childishly. Let's listen and learn.
In this episode of Audio Tidbits, our favorite chipmunk has hijacked the podcast to share 5 secret steps to personal charm. I must admit that the first tip is obvious, but the last four caused me to stop and ponder what the point has to do with charm. Kevin's music helped, giving me time to work it out. They all 5 really are steps to personal charm. I guess my needing to think about them just goes to show me that they are secrets. Give it a try and see if you come to the same conclusion. I think you will.
Along with Kevin's fine tunes, this episode includes a personal essay that unearths an unexpected conclusion. I won't include a spoiler here so you can see for yourself how it evolved. That is followed by some important points on women in leadership.
Women in leadership positions seem to naturally manage some aspects of their positions better than do men in similar positions. Skilled men often do as well with these aspects as skilled women, but in general, women do better. In this episode of Audio Tidbits, we take a look at the aspects of skilled leadership where women tend to shine.
I could make excuses or maybe even point a finger, but That would all be wrong. Let me just report how the podcasting team helped get it right. Here's their revised intro.
Hello Tidbiters. If you are a regular listener, I know that you were expecting Gary to get things started. If this is your first visit, I usually don’t kick things off. I’m here to get things straightened out for Gary. He is fairly new at this lead podcaster role and didn’t get it quite right this time. He has included three of Kevin’s songs and two tips that you will find very helpful as you make a difference to folks who make a difference to you. That all went well, but the intro and a couple of the transitions didn’t go so well for Gary. No worry though. Others on the podcasting team have jumped in to get it right for you. Please relax and enjoy. I think you will see what we have done for you. As Gary likes to say, do well, be well and here we go.
This episode of Audio Tidbits focuses on philosophy and perspective. Of course, it includes a good measure of Kevin’s music, with the tips and perspectives interspersed. We all have our perspective that is not quite like that of anyone else. That perspective shapes our philosophy, how we view the world and how we think it works or doesn’t work for us. I think you will enjoy the music, the perspectives, and a chance to relax as you consider how things work for you.
Getting it right isn’t easy but is one of those things that just has to be done. Getting it wrong is a lot easier but means that you never get it right. Yes, you get to choose. Get it right or get it wrong; but that doesn’t seem like much of a choice. Even so, too many of us make the getting it wrong choice.
In this episode of Audio Tidbits, there are three tips for getting it right. You may be surprised to find out just what it takes to choose “right,” to keep it between the lines. While you consider your choices, there are also three tunes that will relax and put you in the state of mind to make the best choice for you.
If you follow the “news,” – as do I – there is a lot more to worry about than to be happy about. Let’s first do our worrying. Here are ten things we might want to put on our worry list.
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Whether or not the President, Vice President, Secretary of State, Attorney General and most everyone heading the executive branch of our Federal government are serving the public interest or simply self-dealing and using their positions to further themselves and their financial backers.
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Whether global warming is a real and present danger, proceeding unchecked on a course to cause permanent and irreversible harm to the home planet, or if the potential risk is being wildly exaggerated.
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Whether the economy is basically sound and unlikely to faulter, or if recession and difficult times are just around the corner.
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Whether immigration is good and adds to the fullness and richness of our culture and economy, or if it is dangerous and threatens our safety and livelihoods.
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Whether our schools and colleges are successfully educating our children and young people in ways that prepare them for productive lives in the real world, or if those institutions are only raising the literacy of the more affluent and talented children and young people while neglecting the needs and interests of the less affluent and less talented majority.
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Whether government will halt the deterioration and neglect of our public facilities and lands or continue to ignore their worsening condition.
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Whether mass killing, community violence, drug - child - and family abuse, and personal danger will continue to fester, or if our governments and communities will come together to act to reduce and perhaps even stop these facts of American life.
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Whether having enough to eat, a safe place to live, an adequate education, needed healthcare, and life's fundamentals will always be contingent on wealth status, or if someday everyone will get a fair shot at the golden ring.
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Whether Congress will ever get around to dealing with the real issues and concerns of most people - at least most people I know, or if our politicians will continue to be mostly focused on who will win the next election.
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Whether our democracy is actually at risk and some people really are above the law, or if all the hubbub is just so much smoke to keep us from noticing that nothing is being done about the things that truly are of concern to me and perhaps to you too.
I'm thinking that it wouldn't be all that difficult to list ten more worries. Your worries are likely not the same as mine, but I have no doubt that you could easily add ten more to your list too. And I haven't even opened the door to the rest of the world where there are plenty more reasons to worry. But for now, let's think about our reasons to be happy. I'm sure I have at least ten.
I definitely like the chance to get out of that worrying space. It just goes to show you that a little news goes a long way -- usually downhill. It will be fun to think of things in the news that make me happy.
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The Buckeyes are ranked number 4 in today’s college football poll.
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The unemployment rate is staying low and most everyone who wants a job can have one.
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Denis the Menace is still in the comics.
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We both get to have our opinions and points of view and can share them with whomever we want.
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Next year, we all get to have a say in who gets to be President, and I am pretty sure that my vote will be correctly counted. - Being happy doesn't mean that it isn't possible to be happier.
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We live in a country where the rule of law determines what happens. Even though I'm not nearly as sure of that as I used to be, I still think that it is truer than not.
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I am happy that life is good for me and my family. I do seriously wish that Life were equally good for everyone and their families but am nonetheless happy for me.
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I know that Amazon, Walmart, Apple, Google and other large corporations are perhaps bigger and more ...
Audio Tidbits is back with some fun, including three tunes from Kevin and a couple of tips for making a difference to people who make a difference to you. Please enjoy.
It’s time for a change. Welcome to the new and improved Audio Tidbits. In this episode, I have included three tunes from the library of Kevin MacLeod. Listeners have asked for more from Kevin and it’s here for you. Not to be disappointed. There are also two tips that will help you Make a positive difference with people who matter to you. This time, you hear about Bridge Burning and are reminded that there is never a good excuse for bad manners. I hope you enjoy the show. If you have any thoughts to share about the new format, please share them with me at Gary@GaryCrow.net. Enjoy!
Here's another cool tune just for you. I am still testing Hosting and thought I might as well share it with you. Enjoy.
This cool tune is here only to test Hosting. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. Have a listen.
When dealing with people at work or at home, do you find yourself at a loss as to what to do or how to proceed now and then? If not, good for you, but if you are merely human like the rest of us, here's a bulletin for you. There are always things to say, things to do.
Here are ninety-three that you can pick from the next time you find yourself in a pinch. Just pick one, any one, and go for it. They all work in a pinch. If you have five minutes to explore the full set, it's always okay to select the exact one that best fits what's happening right now. If you are feeling rushed, just pick one and go for it. Either way, you will never again be at a loss as to what to say or do.
For this episode of Audio Tidbits, the title is the message. The point is quick but critical to your success. Listen and learn how.
Leaders have many responsibilities, but there is one responsibility that shapes everything else. That is how they use the power and control that comes with leadership. This in turn relates to many areas of responsibility, but none is as important as decision making.
In this episode of Audio Tidbits, I explore leadership and decision making. Included here are levels of decision making. Within this range, there is what we may think of as the decision-making bottom line. That is the decision that few expected and even fewer think is the right decision. How do skilled leaders handle the decision-making bottom line? That is where our discussion leads. Please join me on the journey.
Skilled leaders deal with many types of people and situations every day. They know that they can't just react to those people and events. That would be letting those people and those events call the shots, determine the game. That is what skilled leaders always try to avoid. They want to call the shots, want to lead. What is the alternative? Skilled leaders are proactive. In this episode of Audio Tidbits, I share some examples of what it means to be a proactive leader.
It’s time for a magic minute. Today’s tip shows us the key to those special relationships that we hope will last a very long time, if not forever. If you adopt the tip for yourself, good things will nearly always follow.
As children, many of us were told that we could be anything we wanted to be. Although the sentiment was likely expressed with the best of intentions, we learned over time that it was not altogether true. There were things we could not do, roles we could not assume, problems we could not solve and things we could not change, no matter how much we wanted to change them, no matter how hard we tried. Now and then, we confronted the rock that refuses to move.
Perhaps it was the same people who told us that we could be anything we wanted to be who now told us that we should just accept the things we cannot change. It can make us wish that they would make up their minds. Let’s spend a few minutes thinking about the rocks we cannot move but focus in on people we want to change, for their own good, of course. They sometimes definitely qualify as one of those rocks that refuses to move. No matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, they simply refuse to change. So what to do? That’s the question we explore in this episode of Audio Tidbits. Please join me.
Skilled leaders have a special knack for getting things done, every time, on time. If they don’t, their days as “leader” are numbered. But how do they do it? What is the special magic in how leaders get things done?
If you closely observe, it first seems as if things just magically get done. The organization is running smoothly, and the pegs just fall into their designated slots. Sure, we know it’s not that easy, but how do they do it? In this episode of Audio Tidbits, I share with you the secrets of proactive leaders. It’s definitely not magic. Please press play and learn just how they do it.
I suppose everyone is open to winning ways, especially if the alternative is losing ways. For good or bad, that’s not how it works. The actual alternative to winning ways is committing to the status quo. For most of us, it takes a serious effort to lose. Just showing up and going along are normally enough to assure that you don’t lose. You won’t win the success game, but the status quo is at least familiar.
If you choose winning ways, the success gurus have a few tips that you will need to take to heart, if success is in the picture for you. I’m tempted to do some name dropping here but will let the gurus speak for themselves. You already know their names. The first step to committing to winning ways is to press play and hop on the path to your success.
If we listen to the success gurus, it's easy to get the impression that we need to always be positive and focus only on what is the up side of most everything and everyone. Maybe that works for them, but I have bad days, get upset with situations and people now and then and sure don't always focus on the up side of things. There are definitely people and events that don't please me and times when it is best to just stay clear of me. But does that mean that success is out of the question? Do we have to always put that positive foot in front of us? I think not. Let's listen and see how to get angry or upset with style and thoughtfulness.
When speaking, what we say matters, how we say it matters and who we say it to matters as well. When we think, what we think matters and how we get in touch with our thought process matters. It is easy to just go on automatic but our success depends on doing better than automatic. Let's spend a few minutes considering what it means when we do better than automatic.
I think we likely agree that perspective is important in a lot of areas but perhaps no more important than our perspective on ourselves. It is sometimes way to easy to become overly impressed with ourselves and with our importance. We have a perspective on that which we all may benefit from. Please listen and judge for yourself.
You might assume that being a good friend is one of those things that just comes naturally. Everyone knows how and has no problem knowing who and who isn't a good friend. Unfortunately, you would be wrong. I was wrong until I had an unexpected encounter with a real guru. Let me tell you about it.
Encores are fun. Here's one for you and one for me. I'll let you decide which is which.
If you are a writer or just like to write, you know about muses and how elusive they can be. The podcasting team has some notions here that you may find helpful. That is followed by some thoughts from James about brain power and how we can give it a boost. Press play and check it out.
There are many challenges and journeys for us, our families, our communities and our country. How we handle those challenges, how we make those journeys always matters. It's the difference between acting with PRIDE and just getting by. Let's listen and discover the secret to meeting our challenges and journeys with PRIDE and caring for ourselves and our neighbors.
Do you trust your hunches and should you? This is an important question that needs answered for each of us. Listen and the podcasting team will help you decide.
Do You Believe? If not, listen and see if you still doubt. If you believe, listen and be reminded.
Although I question whether it's true for serious relationship issues, most of the problems we need to solve turn out to be just another ball of string. Please listen and see how it works.
The clock is still ticking and the time to prevent disaster is waning. There is still time to act; but the time keeps getting less and less. When will you do what must be done? Please listen and take the warning seriously.
The battle is once more raging as our intrepid hunters confront the Great Mouse. She has shifted from the previous dimension at the edge of the city to a strange land halfway across the galaxy. This battle is even more violent than all those that came before. The fire power of the intrepid hunters continues to escalate, while the fury of the Great Mouse seems to have no bounds. We can only observe, hoping that this is the battle that finally stops the Great mouse from terrorizing the universe. Please join me now.
Our intrepid hunters are again confronting the Great Mouse. They detected her in an alternative dimension, dangerously near the heart of the city. Their goal as always is to capture the Great Mouse, while protecting the human population of the Earth city. So, join me as we serve as neutral observers to the battle. Our role is to assure that the intrepid hunters strictly comply with the engagement rules of the cosmos Council, while fielding their most powerful weapons yet. Their newest fire power is indeed awesome.
I notice that your publication is called Writing Guru. That’s why I’m contacting you to apply to be a writer. I’m sure you get a lot of applications from wannabe writers and I may fit into that well-populated category. To show you why you should consider me over those other wannabes, below please find the key reasons why I’m your best choice.
Writers don’t say things that I’ve never thought or said; they just say it better than I do. That’s why I’m only a wannabe, but not for long. I’m confident that spending time around other writers at Writing Guru will rub off.
I admit that the difference between me telling a story and writers telling the same story is that writers skip the boring parts and cut to the Chace, going straight to the interesting parts. I’m thinking that once I’m on board, other writers can point out the uninteresting parts of what I write, thus only the interesting parts will remain. …
If you want to apply to be a writer, listening to the full application is instructive. Just press play and take notes.
Calling this a country vibe is unfair to country folks and sort of lets city folks off the hook. Maybe it's just one night in the life of…. Press play and come to your own conclusion.
How do you think you would feel if told, "It's nothing personal; it's just business?" You can expect it to be followed by something that feeling people would never do to a friend. It sure feels personal, even if you are told that it's just business. Press play and learn how to never do that to someone else, even if they persist on doing it to others.
DonJohn is running for President, again. You know that. What you may not know is that DonJohn was a charming child. How do we know that? We find the truth in this little, not so scholarly history of politics. Press play, and as you listen, let the music be a clue about just how drab and boring the election season is certain to be.
I listen first to the Democrats and then to the Republicans, First to Joe and Bernie and then to DonJohn and Mitch. I think they are all talking about the USA and about our problems and issues, but it’s hard to know for sure. As best I can figure, the Dems think our most critical issues are healthcare and managing the people wanting to come in from Mexico. The Repubs are mostly concerned about the Dems and whether they will actually be able to displace DonJohn and Mitch in 2020.
It must be more thoughtful than it first seems, so I try to go a little past the surface. Joe and Bernie are focused on and fighting for the twenty percent of us who struggle to make ends meet while DonJon and Mitch are committed to preserving the status quo and the privileged position of the twenty percent of us who are getting along just fine.
I’ll take another pass at understanding what the fuss is all about. DonJohn and Mitch want to reduce controls and constraints on business and wealth expansion while Joe and Bernie want to regulate and contain business and wealth concentration to redistribute those benefits down the line to the workers among us and especially to the twenty percent least wealthy among us.
For the full story, press play and listen to the podcast.
If you are having a major personal crisis or a tragic life experience, people might sympathize; but if you are just off your game and things are going sideways for you, no one cares about your bad day. I know, that's harsh, but it is what it is. So what to do? For the answer, press play and suck it up.
Although it’s usually not the wrong choice to stand up, speek up, shut up and sitdown, it’s worth considering if this may be the time to just shut up and sit down. We’ve all heard about the benefits of being able to speek well, but just because you can speek well doesn’t mean you should. Let’s give some thought to the benefits of keeping our mouths shut.
For example, Will Rogers pointed out what seems obvious but is frequently ignored. He said, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” Austin O'Malley knew the chief benefit of silence, “If you keep your mouth shut you will never put your foot in it.”
Press play to listen to the podcast where you get the full story.
What's your take on this question. "Do meetings ever start on time?" If it's hard to know, when was the last time you showed up on time for a meeting and it started right on time? It would not be surprising if you can't recall. I'm having a little rant about that. Press play and join me. You can rant a little too, if you want.
Have you gotten a robocall that turned into a scam? There are endless robocalls and many if not most are scams. Some time in Scam School may be just what is needed to scam-proof yourself. This session includes three scams and a chance to think about how you would handle them. Press play and join the session.
Whatever the job, not everyone has the juice to get the job done. The question is then, "Who has the juice?" More to the point, do you have the juice or is this one of those times when you just think you have the juice. Press play and check it out for yourself.
Have you had any experience with looking for someone and not being able to push away that emptiness that comes from not finding the one you are looking for? If so, you will relate. If not, lucky you. Either way, press play and come along.
What if I were to tell you that if you make only one little adjustment you will be perfect? Is that you i hear saying, "I'm all in with that?" You do recall that someone once said,"Fools rush in…," don't you? At least press play and listen before you commit.
Charlie and Carol are moving to Texas, or are they? It's a big decision. Press play and listen in as they discuss their choices.
This scaredy cat is not in a nursery rhyme but most of us can identify. Press play and come along for the trip.
I don't believe this but maybe you will. Probably you won't believe it either.
The time is now, and the place is a yet undiscovered planet toward the edge of the Milky way. Of course, the beings who live on this planet know who they are and where they live. By undiscovered, I mean that other than you and I, no one who doesn't live on the planet knows about it; and even if they did, it and the people living on it would be of little to no interest. Neither they nor their planet is anything special in the scheme of the universe, at least the universe where they find themselves.
On this insignificant planet, there are areas and divisions that seem fairly arbitrary but are of great significance to the planet's people. For the sake of simplicity, let's refer to these arbitrary areas as countries. The current count is 195 countries, with seven and a half billion people inhabiting the 195 countries.
If each country got its fair share of the planet's people, each would have nearly 40 million citizens, but not much is fair on this planet. I won't bore you with a list of everything that is not fair but just know that it would be much easier to catalog what is fair. That would be a tiny catalog indeed.
Hang in there with me. I’m getting to the crux of this tale. One of the 195 countries – call it USA – sprawls between two of the Planet’s oceans between two other countries: Canada and Mexico. USA has states and territories beyond these boundaries, but the only point is that it is really big and has way more than its fair share of resources and people: 327 million.
Press play to hear the full story.
This is a little vignette with two college students working on a writing assignment, or are they? Press play and decide for yourself.
Have you ever had an experience that just defied any attempt to reduce it to a few words? Well the incident that goes with the play button comes pretty close. It’s one of those frustrating encounters we have all had in one version or another. There is nothing for it but for you to have a listen and see if there isn’t something there that you have personally suffered through. I’ve been there to and didn’t like it much either.
This story starts when I was seventeen and if the truth be told, even more full of myself than most seventeen-year-olds. There I was a senior in high school and on an airplane flying from Columbus to Cleveland. It was a very big deal; but before I get too far ahead of myself, a little perspective is necessary.
At my high school, I had some status: class president, a good student, a drummer in the marching band and teacher's pet, at least for a couple of the teachers. Life was good, at least as good as it gets when you are seventeen.
Let me sharpen the perspective. My senior class had a grand total of 63 students and my hometown had 900 residents, assuming everyone was home. We did have one traffic light and a courthouse, if you were thinking there was nothing special about the place.
It happened that one of those couple of teachers I mentioned was responsible for the plays that were presented by students once or twice each school year. My teacher's pet status partially depended on having a role whenever it was play time. I still don't quite understand how being in those plays seemed to automatically mean that I would also participate in speech contests, but it did.
Well, one of those contests involved writing and memorizing a speech on democracy. The writing part was tough but successful, with a lot of extra help from the history teacher. - No, pet status with the history teacher was not in the cards. - . At any rate, the speech got written and the memorizing part was no harder than learning a part in one of the plays. I was ready for the contest.
I was to compete in one of the seven districts in the state. I think there were three or four rounds leading to the final round. You do recall that I was full of myself, don't you? I think I had just assumed that I would probably win, so I was neither surprised nor impressed When I was given the democracy medal at a school assembly.
That should suffice for perspective. My mother and I were flying to Cleveland for the state contest. Two points are enough to let you get the full picture. First, the contest was in a downtown hotel where I had to wait for a half hour or so until the contest started. I was sitting with the other contestants who seemed to me to all be sophisticated city kids. Does fish out of water clarify the picture? I think it was my first experience with being totally intimidated.
Second - and here's the kicker - I left a full paragraph out of the middle of my speech. And to make the kick even straighter to the gut, one of the judges told my mother after the contest that I would have easily won, but omitting the paragraph was an automatic disqualification. No trip to Dallas to the national contest for me.
I never made it to Dallas, but I did get another crack at Cleveland. Granted, it took twenty years, but my day came. I was invited to give a presentation to 200 or so sophisticated city folks at the very same hotel where I blew my chance to make the trip to Dallas. I have given talks from Las Vegas to Boston; but none were quite as sweet as my return to that downtown hotel in Cleveland.
I'm probably supposed to draw some profound conclusion or share a witty insight from my teenage stumble but nothing profound or witty comes to mind. Perhaps you might expect to learn how much I learned and grew from my humbling Cleveland experience. Sorry to disappoint. The best I can do is to assure you that now and then the stars do align, as they did for me the day I returned to Cleveland. - Count on it.
Now you know so there you go.
I was already running late when I downed a quick cup of coffee, snagged my keys on the way out and automatically pushed the button to open the garage door. As I hesitated to make sure the door from the kitchen locked, I more sensed than noticed that something was not right. The garage door rumbled up about halfway and the outside light was replacing the darkness. That's the instant I was very sure that something was not right but making sense of the picture was beyond me.
The lawn mower was in the corner where I keep it. The gas can was there too. The trash ben was along the inside wall and the back of the garage was cluttered with the usual collection of disorganized stuff. I even had the passing thought that I really should get around to straightening up the clutter. But still, something was not right.
I knew what was not right, but nothing computed. For that instant, I didn't want to know what was not right, I didn't want it to compute. I just wanted the picture to change, wanted the video to move along a few frames to where nothing is not right, to where my car is just sitting in the middle of my garage where it's supposed to be. I could get in, start the car and calmly back out of the garage and head off to my meeting.
I was back in the kitchen and thinking I should call someone - maybe the police - when the text tone beeped on my cell. "I was running quite late and your garage door was down. Thought you might have already called it a night so left your car in the drive. Will bring your key over after work. You said it was a spare so you should be good to go. If that's a problem, text me and I will get it to you now. Thanks for letting me use your ride. You are a lifesaver."
I just shook my head and wondered if I might be losing it. I could have pondered that possibility for a while but was now running even later. A quick check to be sure I closed the garage door and I was off … again. I don't really want to share what I was mumbling to myself as I checked to make sure the front door locked and got into my car that was sitting patiently in my driveway.
"Yes officer, I now realize that I didn't come to a full stop at that stop sign."
"Yes, I do understand how dangerous not coming to a full stop can be."
"No, I do not have a good excuse for running the stop sign."
"Thank you. I will definitely slow down and be more careful."
"Do I have to appear, or can I just pay the ticket by mail?"
Now you know so there you go.
How clever is it to start a story with "Once upon a time?" I doubt if that opening would ever be confused with cleverness. Even so, it may be as good as anything else if I have no interest in being clever. Some people can pull off being clever but I'm not among those (Dare I say?) clever types. I'm more aligned with those who just say what they have to say and let it go at that.
A few years back, I had the notion that I could teach myself to play the organ. I'm not talking about the kind of organ that fills a church or great hall with powerful music. I am just referring to a little organ that is smaller than most pianos. It wasn't a toy but definitely less than the real deal.
I know. "A few years back" is pretty close to once upon a time but I've already admitted that something more clever is not in the cards for me. My only goal is to get you into the picture where I'm trying to play the organ. Are you there with me? I'll just assume you are so we can move on.
Every day for nearly six months, I spent an hour or so teaching myself to play, and gradually I learned. I could play a few songs, press the right keys, and some days I believed that I was even making music. I admit that even I didn't think it was great, but it was some better than nothing. Not a lot better, but some better.
I don't recall the day specifically, but one day somewhere in month six, I realized that, no matter how long I worked at it, I was never going to be more than an organ player, and not a very good organ player at that.
To compound the insight, I realized that I didn't particularly enjoy organ music all that much. Here is the point. I could play the organ but was never going to be an organist; I liked some types of music but was never going to be a musician. If the truth be known, I didn't enjoy trying to learn to play the organ all that much either. It was just something I was forcing myself to do.
That insight got me to wondering how often I start down that particular rabbit hole. How often do I get invested in doing something only to discover that I am not very good at it and am unlikely to ever get very good at it? I've definitely been there a few times over the years and don't figure that I am any better off for the time and energy spent going down those rabbit holes. Here's the problem. I often have no good way of knowing whether something that peaks my interest is a rabbit hole or a real opportunity without investing in it enough to test out its potential.
It might be easy to conclude from all of this that it's all just one big crap shoot. The best I can do is to just keep trying this and that, hoping that I stumble into more opportunities than rabbit holes. Fortunately, I came up with what is for me, a much better strategy. It starts with knowing what I'm already good at. Note that I didn't say knowing what I'm already great at. I just inventoried the few things I was good at. For each of those things, I personally know someone who is better at it than I am. This means that I can't hang my success on being great and certainly not the best at any of the things I am good at. So what's the better strategy?
As it turns out, it's pretty simple - not easy but also not complicated. My area of practice is human services, but I suspect the strategy works equally well for any area of practice. For me, I identified the dozen or so critical skill or knowledge streams that are essential within my practice area. What does it take to deliver quality human services to an identified population?
For example, it takes a particular skill set to work directly with service recipients. It takes finance management expertise to assure the resources are in place to support the service activity. It takes organizational expertise to coordinate the people, resources and facilities needed to provide the services. It takes data management expertise to evaluate and track the various elements and activities associated with service provision. The list continues,
The Great Mouse has returned and our intrepid hunters are again on the chase. Press play and join in as a neutral observer.
Once upon a time there was a wannabe podcaster. It doesn't matter whether you insert he or she or perhaps even me. Wannabe was as far as it had gotten so far.
Every day our wanna be podcaster connected the microphone to the mixer and plugged that into the computer, with the recording software ready to capture wise words and clever banter. But the wise words and clever banter never emerged. Our wannabe podcaster was stuck, waiting on an inspiration that stubbornly refused to inspire.
One day, an inspiration of sorts was unexpectedly just there, astonishing our wannabe podcaster. The mute switch on the microphone accidentally or perhaps magically shifted from mute to record. The microphone started serving its intended purpose; the mixer joined into the signal chain; the computer started computing; and the recording software started recording. This all happened when our wannabe podcaster was just getting into what had become a daily rant about how hard it was to podcast and how much easier it would be to just quit trying.
Because of that fortunate bit of serendipity, our wannabe podcaster had an actual recording. No, it did not raise to the level of wise words or clever banter, but it was way more than nothing, way more than all that daily effort had produced so far. Just maybe it was a start down that podcasting road.
Because of that, wannabe figured it was time to move on past the wannabe status and jump into being an actual podcaster. It wasn't a grand opening or anything close to the splash our wannabe podcaster had fantasized. Even so, it wasn't nothing. Our hopeful podcaster posted the accidental recording on Facebook where it got 71 likes within three hours of being posted. Okay, a Facebook post is not a podcast, but our happy Facebook poster now knew that at least 71 people actually liked his recording. Could for real podcasting be all that far away?
Sure, there were more actual recordings, more posts on Facebook and more likes, until finally our newbie podcaster figured out what was needed to move those Facebook posts over to a real podcast channel, with a growing group of subscribers and enthusiastic fans. You may run across the podcast one day when you are just searching for something interesting enough to keep your attention for a while. Don't be surprised that there aren't many wise words or much clever banter. That's just not what our more experienced podcaster is aiming for. You will always get straight talk and useful tips from a podcaster who always keeps it real.
Now you know so there you go.
Consider this from Katharine Butler Hathaway, "If you let fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin."
The implication here is that fear of consequence is pretty normal; so having some, or maybe even a lot, isn't that much of a big deal. The big deal is having a life that is safe, expedient, and thin. What the problem with this actually is remains hidden; so you are simply expected to intuit it, it seems. The rub is that you have little faith in your abilities and less faith in your basic grasp or understanding of situations or circumstances. Since you don't believe that you can trust your judgment or instinct, you don't take a chance on yourself. You likewise don't have much faith in your ability to anticipate or predict the behavior of other people. Your belief is that you cannot predict if a specific action of yours will lead to good or bad outcomes. Usually, you think the likely outcome of following your judgment will be bad. You don't trust yourself and feel that any errors or mistakes you might make will likely be just another example of your screwing up. Given that reality, a life that is safe, expedient, and thin sounds like a reasonable alternative. There is a potential glitch in going with the safe alternative, though. Brooke Foss Westcott described it this way, "Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or we grow weak, and at last some crisis shows us what we have become." Fortunately, Eleanor Roosevelt suggested another alternative that you may want to consider. "I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him."
Sure, conquering fear sounds good in theory; but it's certainly easier said than done. As you weigh your choices, Glenn Turner's point deserves your attention, "Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." Ruth Gordon also joined the fear fighters, "Courage is like a muscle; it is strengthened by use;" and as you might have expected, the famous Anon. added a tidbit as well, "The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground."
Since the Fear vs. Safe debate can't be resolved here, another thought or two will be enough for now. Haddon W. Robinson said, "What worries you, masters you;" and Roger Babson said, "If things go wrong, don't go with them." There you go. Do what you need to do, when you need to do it; and while you're at it, adopt the Charlie Brown philosophy for fear management, "I've developed a new philosophy … I only dread one day at a time."
Now you know so there you go.
William Arthur Ward argued that "If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it."
This isn't altogether true but is definitely a popular, self-affirming message for most people, most of the time. One can easily imagine being faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and perhaps even leaping one of those tall buildings in a single bound; but no matter how much you dream, you still aren't turning into Superman. It's also true that you may find that you have achieved things you never imagined and have become someone you didn't think it was possible for you to become, in your wildest dreams. Unfortunately, that can work in both positive and negative directions. The reality is that imagining and dreaming can lead to achievement and becoming, but only within limits. Exploring those limits is instructive.
Imagination and dreaming can assist in avoiding bad outcomes and finding oneself in undesirable circumstances. Think about what you don't want to happen, where you don't want to end up. Once you have a clear picture, figure out what you need to do to get that outcome or to end up in those circumstances. Now, make sure you don't do whatever your imagination and dreaming tell you would be required. Just don't do it; don't knowingly screw up. It's surprising how often people know they shouldn't do something but do it anyway.
Are you committed to avoiding screwing up, to the extent you can, whenever possible? If so, the next step is to avoid Superman thinking. Is what you want to achieve or who you want to become possible, given your skills, talents, and circumstances? You can improve your skills; but if you frequently miss the ball when you swing, you likely aren't going to make it as a professional golfer. If you can't carry a tune, you probably won't ever be asked to sing a solo at the opera. If you spent a few years in the big house for robbing a bank, a seat on the Supreme Court isn't in your future. When you do your imagining and dreaming thing, be sure your actually being in the picture one day is at least possible, no matter how unlikely.
You have now pretty well defined the limits of imagination and dreaming. Achieving and becoming are in your sites, although they may yet be hard to see. What to do? Well, you're in luck. JP Morgan's strategy is here for you. "Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you'll be able to see farther."
Now you know so there you go.
Horace said, "He has the deed half done who has made a beginning." Indira Gandhi also thought that getting on with getting on is the way to go, "Have a bias toward action - let's see something happen now. You can break that big plan into small steps and take the first step right away." John Fitzgerald Kennedy joined the get your get up and go up and going chorus when he said, "There are risks and costs to a program of action. But they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction." And perchance you think that people will simply assume that you have good intentions without your actually needing to go for it, the famous Anon pointed out, "Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg."
There you have it, the argument for not sitting around twiddling your thumbs; but, as with most ideas, there is an alternative point of view. One might suppose that it's now time to dig in, go for the gusto, strike while the iron is hot, expatiate, explicate, and generally expound on that alternative point of view; but one would be wrong. Remember Johann von Goethe's warning, "There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action."
If that isn't sufficient to slow the pace, also remember Walter Kerr's observation, "Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them." It would be well to first determine whether one is clever, an idiot, or merely a clever idiot before jumping to an ill considered conclusion. If all of that still doesn't put the brakes on for you, persuade you to look before you leap, and convince you not to jump off the cliff until you learn how to fly, listen to Laurence J. Peter, "Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience." And speaking of misfortune, even Horace advised you to put no trust in tomorrow.
OK, you've got them, the alternative points of view. Do you act or not act, take a chance or play it safe? Sure, you need to seize the day but it's worth pointing out that you can usually wait till after lunch.
Now you know so there you go.
The psychology of success and failure is complex but not particularly hard to understand. It starts with personal responsibility. Unless you accept the responsibility for failure, you can't take the credit for success. Either you are the agent of your life outcomes or the victim of people who are pushing you down. Here's the point. If you blame others for pushing you down, people other than you deserve the praise for pushing you ahead.
Separating yourself from what you do comes next. As William D. Brown put it, "Failure is an event, never a person." Your success and failure aren't who you are. They are merely what you do. S.I. Hayakawa expanded on the same theme, "Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, ‘I have failed three times,' and what happens when he says, ‘I am a failure.'" The key is in how you manage life's events, not in the events themselves. Robert Allen expressed it like this, "There is no failure. Only feedback."
Now consider what you do with the feedback life provides. Napoleon Hill observed, "The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail." It's not enough to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and climb back on that horse that threw you. You need a better plan for staying in the saddle. Sure, getting up and starting over is tough. Yes, that damn horse may throw you again. Indeed, your new plan may not work any better than the old one; but it's like Beverly Sills said, "You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."
Thomas Edison managed the disappointment this way, "I have not failed. I've just found ten thousand ways that won't work;" and Samuel Beckett had a similar persistent optimism, "Try again. Fail again. Fail better." With role models like Edison and Beckett, you can hardly go wrong, so long as you keep trying. As Charles F. Kettering put it, "One fails forward toward success."
George E. Woodberry knew the essence of success, "Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure." Continuing effort is seldom elegant or easy; but Elbert Hubbard's simple point may be all you actually need to know, "There is no failure except in no longer trying." With that said, Mary Pickford gets the last word on the psychology of success and failure, "Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."
Now you know so there you go.
You are about to learn the secret recipe for the tie that binds. The ingredients and how to lovingly combine them have been protected and tenderly passed down, hand-to-hand, through the generations.
Acceptance is the first ingredient. It lets your beloved know that you accept him (or her) as is, don't want to change him, don't want him to change. You then blend in affection, knowing that "too much" applies to many things but never to affection sincerely offered.
As you mix the ingredients with love and sincere good will, gentleness is the secret technique the masters have perfected and you refine in ways that convey the uniqueness of your loving touch. It's the perfect complement to being fully involved in the moment, without distraction, without reservation.
You have almost got it just right, are nearing perfection; but it still needs a dash of this and a pinch of that, the special spices that bring out the rich flavor of the tie that binds. They are spontaneity and playfulness. Your loving touch is always there, only awaiting a gesture, a feeling, the slightest of signs that it's wanted and valued. It sparkles with joy, enthusiasm, and that indescribable but familiar extra that is in a child's laughter, a lover's smile, in the connection when you share life with your beloved.
Once you have mastered the recipe, your strategy is simple. You need only say to your beloved, "Treat me like I treat you."
We both like it when things are fair so here's what you should do. Watch how I handle things, then treat me like I treat you.
I get into a bad mood once in a while and you get into bad moods too. Watch how I manage my bad moods, then treat me like I treat you.
I may have a lot of things to say or I may only have a few. Watch how I listen when you talk, then treat me like I treat you.
Sometimes you get mad at me and sometimes I get mad too. Watch how I handle the angry times, then treat me like I treat you.
There are things that are important to me and things I expect of you. Watch how I handle your counting on me, then treat me like I treat you.
There are places I expect you to be and there are times to be there too. Watch how I manage being places on time, then treat me like I treat you.
Honesty is something that matters a lot so be sure what you tell me is true. Watch how honest I try to be, then treat me like I treat you.
You make commitments so I'll know what to expect and there are things you promise to do. Watch how I handle commitments I make, then treat me like I treat you.
There are times when I am happy and there are times when I am blue. Watch how I handle your ups and downs, then treat me like I treat you.
There are things I want to experience and there are things I want to do. Watch how I support your hopes and dreams, then treat me like I treat you.
Now you know so there you go.
The tiny threads that sew you and your beloved together are intimate and very private; and the loving touch is definitely one of those tiny threads that bind you to each other. It comes in many forms and flavors from a sentimental card or candy in a pretty box to a warm embrace. Flowers and a romantic dinner work as well. Whatever form it takes, the loving touch means that it's an uncommon moment, a moment for special friends and lovers.
But alas, the cards will be read and the candy eaten, expensive presents discarded and sincere words forgotten. In time the flowers will wilt and the romantic dinner become but yesterday's fond memory. Something more is needed: a loving touch not to fade, not to be forgotten. It needs to provide that special advantage that Judith Viorst said marriage brings to the two of you. "One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again." To sustain your love until you fall in love again, the loving touch needs to last longer than the day and keep reminding, keep saying, "I love you."
This spirit is hard to capture in a well-intended gift or simple verse. It isn't to be found in things you can touch and hold. Rather, the spirit of the loving touch is in the tie that binds. It is hard to define but impossible to miss. The loving touch that lasts, the kind that keeps saying, "I love you," is filled with added value that lasts far beyond the moment.
What are these extras that make the loving touch linger past the moment? The added value includes affection any time your beloved needs a hug; and just as your beloved accepts you, warts and all, it's a two-way-street.
There also are ingredients far less adult, far less mature. They are playful and gentle, spontaneous and mischievous. They are full of fun and good times, private games and warm summer evenings. These ingredients are for you and your beloved and for all the little kids like you who have to sometimes act your age, be adults, and take care of business. You do what you need to do as best you can; but when the child in you gets to hang out with the child who lives deep within your beloved, life is at its best.
Now you know so there you go.
Sure, some lucky ducks were born with silver spoons in their mouths; and in life's great poker game, some people get better cards than others. It's enough to make you just sit down and cry. The old law-of-averages certainly doesn't apply to you. If luck were really a lady, the world would be a fairer place. Even if it weren't, at least you would get better cards. Maybe your luck will turn; but then again, maybe not. In the meantime, you will need to simply go with the cards you are dealt.
Okay, you get it; but it's still a roll of the dice and you can't do much about that fact of life; but, maybe you can. A friend tells this story. "It was bright-and-early one morning when Grandpa found an exceptionally fine sea shell on the beach. I flippantly commented, ‘That was just dumb luck, your finding that shell.' He smiled and replied, ‘Yes, it was dumb luck for a guy who was already on the beach and looking before 6:30.'"
Sure, luck and maybe even dumb luck at times play a big part in a lot of things. Things happen and you can't control everything; but you can make a point to be on the beach before 6:30 and can make the extra effort it takes to improve the odds for your success. The old-timers call this "smart luck."
Thomas Jefferson also supported personal responsibility as an important key to good luck. "I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it." The famous Anon. added one more key to unlocking luck's door, "Luck is when opportunity knocks and you answer." It really is just like R.E. Shay said, "Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit."
Now you know so there you go.
For John O'Brien, his hope was that we may care enough to love enough to share enough to let others become what they can be; but how do we do this at home, at work, and in the context of our other important relationships? Consider the following strategies. They may or may not work equally well for all of us; but they are definitely worth considering.
Cooperation: Emphasize a helpful, supportive approach to all of your relationships and activities with other people.
Bertrand Russell said, "The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation." You likely will want to set your sights a little less grandly than redeeming mankind; but you nonetheless get the idea. Cooperation is definitely the way to go and helping others is one of the best ways to get there. What's more, Charles Dudley promises added benefits for you if you are helpful and supportive with other people, "It is one of the beautiful compensations of this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Now, that certainly sounds like the real deal, don't you think?
Loyalty: Emphasize accommodating to the special needs and interests of people and facilitating the resolution of problems.
It's easy here to see how that benefits other people which, of course, is the point. At the same time, though, you also benefit. Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, "The most absolute authority is that which penetrates into a man's innermost being and concerns itself no less with his will than with his actions." Sure, if you accommodate to other people and help them work things out, you will feel better about who you are and what you do. It's like Josiah Royce pointed out, "Unless you can find some sort of loyalty, you cannot find unity and peace in your active living."
Caring: Emphasize concern for and interest in the activities, successes, and problems of other people.
Maxwell Maltz expressed it this way, "Take the trouble to stop and think of the other person's feelings, his viewpoints, his desires and needs. Think more of what the other fellow wants, and how he must feel." The message is simple. Take time to care; and remember Fred A. Allen's words, "It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals."
Sharing: Emphasize talking with other people, reciprocal assistance, and mutual problem solving.
As you think about this, a developing theme may bubble up into your consciousness. Listen to the message from Seneca, "He that does good to another does good also to himself." If you don't quite hear it yet, let Samuel Smiles say it again, "The duty of helping one's self in the highest sense involves the helping of one's neighbors."
Respect: Emphasize acceptance of other people's beliefs and values, receptivity to their thoughts and ideas, and sensitivity to their feelings and interests.
This is a simple principle that Laurence Sterne stated most succinctly, "Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners." The underlying message was also delivered by U. Thant, "Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves."
Trust: Emphasize giving other people the benefit of the doubt without blaming, accusing, or threatening.
George MacDonald's observation, "To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved," may or may not ring true for you. Still, trusting others is a gift you can give to people to let them know that they are valued. At the same time, Shakti Gawain reiterates the "What helps other people helps you," theme, "When I'm trusting and being myself … everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously."
Integrity: Emphasize keeping commitments to and agreements made with other people.
Samuel Johnson said,
A "Normal" person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee. You know, "Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray. - Alan Sherman
Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people. - Martina Navratilova
Most people have become convinced that vanity is a bad quality to have. In fact, it may actually be a cardinal vice which makes it more than bad; it's terrible. If one explores this negative pronouncement in more depth though, it ain't necessarily so. For example, Lord Chesterfield said, "To this principle of vanity, which philosophers call a mean one, and which I do not, I owe a great part of the figure which I have made in life." There you go. Chesterfield thought vanity was one of the keys to his success.
It may be that vanity is little more than one of those things that is just going around. If so, even you may have a little yourself. As Blaise Pascal suggested, "Vanity is so secure in the heart of man that everyone wants to be admired: even I who write this, and you who read this." No less an icon than Mark Twain said, "There are no grades of vanity, there are only grades of ability in concealing it;" and there is no end to how clever people can be when concealing it. To illustrate, Louis Kronenberger suggested this strategy, "Nothing so soothes our vanity as a display of greater vanity in others; it makes us vain, in fact, of our modesty;" so if you are uncomfortable with vanity, substitute modesty about being not so vane as some people you know. Just be sure to cleverly conceal it.
François de la Rochefoucauld is another one of the folks who got it, "What makes the vanity of others insupportable is that it wounds our own." Benjamin Franklin got it too, "Most people dislike vanity in others, whatever share they have of it themselves; but I give it fair quarter, wherever I meet with it, being persuaded that it is often productive of good to the possessor, and to others who are within his sphere of action: and therefore, in many cases, it would not be altogether absurd if a man were to thank God for his vanity among the other comforts of life." Antonio Porchia also understood, although he did slip in "ridiculous," probably as a minor concession to the vanity police, "Without this ridiculous vanity that takes the form of self-display, and is part of everything and everyone, we would see nothing, and nothing would exist."
Fortunately, there is a much better approach. You can simply re-conceptualize. What folks refer to in you as vanity isn't vanity at all. Rather, it's merely a reflection of your positive self-perception. It's what the psychologists call a good self-image. If someone accuses you of vanity, just smile and say:
I'm not a giant or a meek little lamb. I am me, that's who I am. I'm taller than a cat and shorter than a tree. I'm the very best me you'll ever see.
I like to laugh, I like to smile. I like to daydream once in a while. I'm extra special but I'm still just me. I'm the very best me I know how to be.
I always try to do my best. I'm good at a lot of things and getting better at the rest. Here's the truth for everyone to see. It's totally terrific being me.
I could tell you more stuff about who I am. I like spaghetti and strawberry jam. Here at last is the most spectacular part. I'm extra special because I'm so smart.
Now you know so there you go.
I am sad to hear that President Trump will be leading those who choose to celebrate Independence Day with a show of tanks and military air might. Instead of hotdogs, baseball and apple pie, we are representing our national pride by proclaiming to the world that our defensive and perhaps aggressive power is up to any challenge. Instead of wrapping our national pride in freedom and democracy, it is being symbolized by our biggest guns and fastest planes. Instead of a celebration to confirm and reassure, it is a message to reinforce the possibility if not the probability of war, a message to promote fear and trepidation. It is a bit like replacing Thanksgiving with a day of preparation.
Unfortunately, Erma Bombeck no longer has it right. Her gentle picture is just not there when the view is through President Trump's eyes. “You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.”
Why should your children pay attention to anything you say or tell them?
Stop a second to think about what your first reaction was to the question. For most people, "Because I am the parent" or "Because I am the adult" or some variation on the theme comes to mind.
Both of these answers are reasonable and appropriate. What I want to point out here is that there are several reasons why your children should listen to what you say. It will be helpful for you to think about and understand which reason is operating when you want your children to listen, to pay attention, to accept what you are saying to them or telling them.
Your being clear about why they should pay attention will help them be clear about why they should pay attention this time. There is an additional payoff for you. When you are at work or in other situations where you want people to pay attention to you, being clear in your own mind about why they should pay attention will make it more likely that they will accept you and what you are saying.
Until you get comfortable knowing why you think your child or anyone else should listen to what you say, it will help to stop a second to be clear with your self before saying anything where you expect some action or response from the other person. Give it a try. You may be surprised to see how much difference it makes.
Okay, here we go.
Title Authority: Children are told that they should or should not do things because you – their parent – said so. Your title – parent – gives you the right to tell them what to do or what not to do.
Reward/Punishment Authority: If they submit to or go along with what you want or say, you will reward them in some positive way. If they do not, you will punish them.
Referent Authority: You present to them ideas of right and wrong, good and bad, and encourage them to conform to these standards. Sometimes this takes the form of encouraging certain behavior because this is “what we do” in our family or is consistent with what our family believes.
The Voice of Experience: You base your demands, expectations, and suggestions on your personal experience with the same or similar situation. “When I was young,…” is a typical intro to the voice of experience. Another similar approach starts with, “When you have lived as long as I have, you will…” The idea is that your experience takes precedence over the perceptions and judgments of the young person.
Information Authority: Your authority is based on your having knowledge or information that the young person does not possess. This authority approach is also in operation when you encourage the young person to read the instructions, talk with someone who knows about that sort of thing, or go to the library to find more information. The same authority approach is being used when you encourage the young person to check with his teacher, talk to a professional to learn the facts, or to wait awhile until you or the young person can find out more about the situation.
Control of Resources and Opportunities: This approach is ordinarily being used when youngsters are given allowances, when privileges are given or withheld, when special arrangements are made for things like lessons or the opportunity to participate in special events, or when you are trying to influence the behavior of the young person by controlling resources or opportunities. This naturally includes things like driving privileges, using the family car, grounding the young person, sending young children to bed early, and so on.
Acceptance/Rejection Authority: This approach is used far more than many parents realize. Acceptance is being given anytime you give the young person a special hug, smile at her, say nice things either to the young person or to other people about the youngster, or in some way reflect your approval and affirmation. Also, acceptance authority is being used when you reflect a continuing caring and love for the young person even when she gets into...
Diane Loomans once reminisced, "If I had my child to raise all over again, I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later. I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I'd take more hikes and fly more kites. I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I'd do more hugging and less tugging."
Being a parent is both satisfying and challenging. Knowing exactly how to handle any situation can be very difficult. Sloan Wilson captured the central issue this way, "The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard."
Although being a parent is very complex and will have many twists and turns over the years, knowing how you and your child are doing through the process is less daunting. If the following statements are most always tru for you as a parent, both you and your child are most likely making the journey rather successfully. Before we get to the statements though, there is a point that needs emphasis. Joyce Maynard made the point for us this way when she said, "It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours."
Okay, here we go. Think about each statement and honestly decide if it is true for you. If it is, you and your child are probably doing just fine. If not, you definitely have some work to do and possibly changes to make with your parent relationship with your child.
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I am reasonable and fair when disciplining my child.
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I know what my child needs and what is important to him or her.
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I am able to get my child to cooperate with me.
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I spend time with my child everyday.
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My child likes to spend time with me.
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I am pleased with and proud of my child.
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I am familiar with and interested in my child’s activities.
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I know about and am helping with my child’s problems and difficulties.
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I set a good example for my child.
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I give my child his or her space.
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My child and I regularly talk with each other.
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I am interested in my child’s ideas and thoughts about things.
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I support and encourage my child’s being who he or she is and his or her unique style.
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I am a good parent.
Now you know so there you go.
Young people, like adults, have better days and worse days. Even so, they typically stay toward the middle between better and worse and seldom drift very far toward worse. They have many more up days than down, with the down days being reasonably described as feeling sad or just bummed out.
The point is that as dramatic as youngsters can sometimes be, they do not normally get seriously down or depressed; and when they do, it does not last more than a few days. They rebound fairly quickly.
The same holds for their behavior and adjustment. They keep it between the lines most of the time; and if they get a little out of bounds, it is unusual and temporary.
The following statements describe a well-adjusted young person. Although any youngster is unlikely to fit the descriptions all the time, the descriptions fit most young people most of the time. When a youngster's behavior or adjustment noticeably deviates from the description, concern is appropriate. If the problem or issue goes on for more than a few days, something is going on that needs appropriate adult intervention. Talk with the young person about your concern. If that does not lead to positive change within a couple of weeks, consider consulting with a professional who has expertise in working with young people. If the problem or issue is more severe or serious, do not wait to initiate your intervention.
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Is energetic and interested in what is going on around him or her.
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Feels attractive.
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Is relaxed and comfortable with himself or herself.
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Likes himself or herself.
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Is self-confident.
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Has a normal appetite and eating habits.
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Stays away from drugs and alcohol.
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Is happy and in a positive mood.
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Manages his or her temper and anger responsibly.
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Is honest and truthful.
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Is a good student.
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Feels successful.
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Likes school.
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Finishes projects, assignments, or other things for which he or she is responsible.
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Is well behaved.
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Is easy for parents, teachers, and other adults to deal with.
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Is a responsible person.
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Is a dependable person.
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Has friends his or her age.
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Makes good choices when it comes to friends.
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Gets along well with his or her friends.
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Follows the rules and goes along with what is expected of him or her at school and at home.
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Makes friends easily.
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Is adventurous and willing to try new things.
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Handles day-to-day stresses and tensions well.
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Is healthy.
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Will talk about things with parents or other adults.
Now you know so there you go.
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What do you think it means to have good mental health?
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What do you do to help your mental health?
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What do you like about yourself?
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What helps you feel happy, excited, satisfied? What kinds of people, situations, things help you feel good, help you be emotionally positive?
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When do you feel unhappy? What kinds of people, situations, or things get you to feeling afraid, angry, sad, confused, or feeling emotionally negative?
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Sometimes our negative emotions get out of balance and sort of take over. When this happens, we sometimes have problems with our behavior and adjustment. When your emotions get a little out of balance and the negative emotions take over, what kinds of problems does it cause you with your behavior, your adjustment?
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Our feelings are okay. This includes feeling afraid, angry, or sad. How we deal with our feelings makes a difference, though. How do you deal with it when you feel angry, when you feel afraid, when you feel sad?
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It is important to understand our anger and to express it appropriately. How do you express your anger? How do you let people know when you are angry?
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It is important to understand our fears and to talk about them. What do you think is going on with you when you feel afraid? With whom do you talk about your fears?
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Being sad is normal. Understanding why we are sad and sharing our sadness with someone else is an important part of good mental health. With whom do you share your sadness?
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When our negative emotions get out of balance, it is important to try to understand and share those emotions with others. It is also important to get our emotions back into balance. When you are experiencing negative emotions, what kinds of things do you do to get things back into balance, to help yourself feel more emotionally positive?
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The first person who can help you is you. You do this by being nice to yourself. What do you do to be sure that these nice things happen for you? – Sharing your feelings with others – Being positively involved with other people – Being cheerful with other people – Being helpful to other people – Enjoying a well balanced diet – Getting plenty of sleep – Trying new things – Keeping a good balance of work, rest, and play – Getting held when you need it – Giving and getting hugs – Not abusing or misusing alcohol or drugs – Being as nice to others as you would like them to be to you.
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Feel good about yourself and others will feel good about you. Be nice to yourself – you deserve it. What have you done today to be nice to yourself? What will you do tomorrow to be nice to yourself? You are a special person. You are a person with style, all the time, on purpose.
Now you know so there you go.
- Be cooperative.
This means you work well with others and are there to help as appropriate, when needed.
- Be loyal.
This means you hang in there with the ups and downs and are supportive of and with others when there is internal or external conflict or criticism.
- Be caring and concerned.
This means that you stay involved and interested in the successes stresses and challenges of others.
- Be engaged and sharing.
This means that you regularly talk and interact with others.
- Be respectful.
This means you listen patiently and carefully whenever others are talking, telling you about something, or trying to express their ideas or feelings.
- Be trusting.
This means you do not get into blaming, accusing, or threatening others.
Now you know so there you go.
- Be Accepting
This means you are okay with me as is, with no interest in trying to change me.
- Be Affectionate
This means you find opportunities to be warm and close with me.
- Be Ambitious
This means you are always on the outlook for chances to improve our lives.
- Be Assertive
This means you speak up about what you want and need.
- Be Attractive
This means you work to be someone I want to be with and do things with.
- Be Considerate
This means you care about my feelings, interests and needs.
- Be Consistent
This means you are always appropriate and predictable.
- Be Dependable
This means I can always count on you.
- Be Decisive
This means you are comfortable making choices and decisions.
- Be Energetic
This means you are usually ready to participate in whatever comes along.
- Be Fair
This means you don't think everything is about you and what you want.
- Be Flexible
This means you are open to changing your plans and opinions.
- Be Gentle
This means I can always be comfortable with how you relate to and treat me.
- Be Giving
This means you are quick to share your time and resources with me.
- Be Hardworking
This means you always do your share and consistently contribute to our success.
- Be Helpful
This means you are always there to lend a hand and pitch in when I need you.
- Be Honest
This means I can always trust you and believe what you say.
- Be Involved
This means you always stay tuned in and participating with me.
- Be Loyal
This means you always have my back.
- Be Moral
This means you always try to make the right choices in our world.
- Be Open
This means you don't withdraw from me emotionally or socially.
- Be Patient
This means you hang in there with me when I am having trouble getting my act together or just having a bad day.
- Be Playful
This means you are fun to be around and spend time with.
- Be Positive
This means you are usually looking on the sunny side of things.
- Be Predictable
This means I usually know how you will act and how you will feel about things.
- Be Relaxed
This means you seldom get up-tight or anxious about how things are going for us.
- Be Responsible
This means I can count on you to do what is needed.
- Be Spontaneous
This means you come up with ideas and suggestions for us without needing prodded or cajoled.
- Be Supportive
This means you are on my side with whatever I want or need for me.
- Be Tolerant
This means you quietly put up with my little quirks and idiosyncrasies.
Now you know so there you go.
I think we all know that things are constantly changing, whether or not we are paying attention to the changes. It may seem that everything is the same today as they were yesterday, but they aren’t. Even if we don’t notice, nothing is quite the same today as it was yesterday. Things change, people change, circumstances change, and we change too.
What this fact of life and living demonstrates is that change is a process and not an event. The outcome may appear to be spontaneous but never is. Fortunately, we can usually understand what happened if we stop to consider it carefully. Even if we don’t understand, we know that the change was a result of a process that is just not clear to us.
At times, we decide that we are not satisfied with the status quo and want things or circumstances to change. The change we want may be for us, our family, a specific relationship, our work team, our company or other organization, our community, or within any context where we think change is desirable or necessary. That is when we consider initiating the change process. We know we don’t like how things currently are, and we have a notion about how we would like them to be. Getting from where things are now to how we want them to be is an example of the change process that is always chugging away. For this change though, we intend to be the change agent.
Whenever you intend to be the change agent, there are twelve questions you should ask and answer before initiating the change process that leads to the change you want; and the bigger or more important the change is for you and for others, the more critical it is for you to ask and answer the twelve questions.
Here are the twelve questions. Answer each “Yes,” or “No,” in relation to the change process you intend to initiate. For these questions, “yes” is only “Yes” if you are quite sure. If not, the answer is “NO,” until you are sure.
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Do you expect the change process to succeed, to make a positive difference?
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Do you have a realistic vision of or perception of success – how things will be when the change succeeds?
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Are you personally motivated by the likely payoff or outcome of the change?
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Do you understand that – in the long run – it would take as much time and energy to maintain the status quo or current situation as it will to get the payoff from the change?
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Are you prepared to take full responsibility for your participation and interaction throughout the change process?
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Do you understand your active role and influence in the change process?
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Do you understand and are you committed to what will be required for the process to succeed?
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Are you confident in your ability to do what is necessary to realize the expected change?
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Are you comfortable working with the others involved in the change process?
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Are you looking beyond simple self-interest in the change succeeding?
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Do you see each participant benefiting from his or her participation in the change process?
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Are you being realistic about your ability, skill, and capacity to function effectively within the change process?
Did you answer “Yes” to each of the twelve questions? If so, you are good to go. If not, you would be well advised to give a little more thought to it be fore initiating the change process you are contemplating.
Now you know so there you go.
"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." -- Oscar Wilde
Suppose Wilde is right, pure and simple. It follows that his proposition is likely not pure and definitely not simple. Truth has many forms and many faces, some of which are persisting and some of which are temporary, some of which are obvious and some of which are subtle, some of which are certain and some of which only might be true, are probably true, or are (as the physicists like to say) "approximately true." Most of the time, one can comfortably deal with the world without thinking about the nature of truth or about the actual validity of most truths. It works out fine to proceed on a "true enough" basis.
Ice is cold and fire is hot. Your car is still where you parked it. The directions you get from MapQuest.com will get you where you want to go. Eat too much and you will get fat. If you need help, you can count on your best friend. The important quandary usually isn't about truth or whether true enough is good enough. Rather, it's who can you believe; who speaks the truth?
To answer the, "Who can you believe?" question, it's necessary to introduce "integrity" into the mix. The question is, "Who are people of integrity?" because they are the only people you can or should trust. Samuel Johnson said, "Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful." The take home point is to be sure you only seek truth from people who are clearly knowledgeable, people who know what they are talking about. For example, don't get legal advice from your brother-in-law, unless he happens to be an experienced attorney.
Perhaps more critical than from whom you seek the truth is your capacity to evaluate the truth you receive. Know that it's seldom pure or simple. Deciding whether it's true enough is up to you. Key to this is correctly assessing the integrity of the person from whom you receive the truth. That to is neither pure nor simple; but there is one, essential prerequisite to assessing the integrity of others. You must yourself be a person of integrity.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind." You are the final judge of the integrity of those from whom you seek the truth. John D. MacDonald likely hit the nail on the head when he said, "Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will." MacDonald also could have said that if you look in there and see a man of integrity, you are looking at a man who probably knows integrity when he sees it, in himself or in those whose truth is true enough.
Now you know so there you go.
The idea that excellence is a product of training isn't surprising. Athletes, musicians, and those who achieve preeminence in other areas requiring superior personal performance are well-aware of the necessity and value of continuous training. The point that may not be as obvious is that training and habituation are prerequisites for areas of excellence beyond developing physical skills and individual talents. They are necessary for emotional excellence, moral excellence, interpersonal excellence, as well as intellectual excellence. The point that may be even less obvious is as Aristotle said, "Training and habituation are prerequisite to virtue. People have the capacity to be virtuous but become virtuous people only through training and habitually acting rightly. One becomes virtuous by acting virtuously."
How does one act virtuously? Cicero advised, "It is our special duty, that if anyone needs our help, we should give him such help to the utmost of our power." Confucius said, "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue… gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness." Although how one practices "gravity" is less than obvious, the other four requirements need no explanation. John Wesley was even clearer when he said, "Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can." Now that leaves little room for doubt or negotiation.
The message has not changed over the millennia. Dante said, "He who sees a need and waits to be asked for help is as unkind as if he had refused it." Gandhi said, "We must be the change we wish to see in the world." Is virtue the path to personal joy and fulfillment? Probably not. George Bernard Shaw said, "Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness." Why? As George Eliot put it, "Our deeds determine us as much as we determine our deeds." Remember Aristotle's message, "We are what we repeatedly do." The choice is to habitually act rightly or to act wrongly. At that level, it's not much of a choice. The key is remembering that acting virtuously is an essential part of one's ongoing excellence training.
Now you know so there you go.
Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity. - Christopher Morley
You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. - Doug Floyd
The reward for conformity was that everyone liked you except yourself. - Rita Mae Brown
Sticking to the high road can be quite challenging. Even so, the associated lessons all have two things in common. First, they usually are not particularly complicated. It certainly can sometimes take a while to get it; but once you do get it, the lesson is normally straight-up and to the point. Second, and here is the rub, the lessons invariably are a "So now you tell me!" kind of thing. Oh sure, hindsight is 20/20, live and learn, no one is perfect, and you are only human. Nonetheless, having learned your lesson is not much consolation once you have already missed important opportunities to stick to the high road. Yes, you may do better the next time; but your chance to get it right the first time has passed and will not return. Much better is to get it right, the first time, on time, every time.
It's certainly true that no one is perfect, you are only human, and things only work out just the way you want them to in the movies. Life can be a real bear sometimes; but fortunately, you do not have to take responsibility for life. You are only on the hook for who you are and what you do. Here is a suggestion worth taking to heart. Start with developing a personal style that sets you apart, that lets everyone know that you are a class act. Think about people you know who stand out from the crowd, people who are certifiable class acts. They have three techniques down pat. First, they are originals. Their style and approach with people and situations are their trademarks. Second, they are not on-again, off-again. They are always uniquely themselves. Third, and here is the key: it is no accident. They usually make it seem easy and natural; but take a closer look and you will soon understand and appreciate how hard they work at it. They consciously and purposely do everything they do, with style, all the time, on purpose, one situation at a time, one person at a time.
Now you know so there you go.
Most people are more comfortable with old problems than with new solutions. - Author unknown
All the mischiefs in the world may be put down to the general, indiscriminate veneration of old laws, old customs, and old religion. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow. - Glen Beaman
The relationship between trial and suffering is a common theme in the success and motivation literature, although "failure" usually replaces "trial and suffering" in the equation. For example, Benjamin Disraeli said, "All my successes have been built on my failures." The famous Anon. said, "Failure is a better teacher than success, but she seldom finds an apple on her desk;" and Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert, said, "Most success springs from an obstacle or failure." Maury Povich joined in too when he said, "There's got to be a glitch along the way, or else you lose touch with reality." Robert Louis Stevenson took the concept to the extreme, "Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits;" and Winston Churchill echoed the theme, "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
Now isn't that just dandy. It's enough to make one get out there and fail just to get firmly on the path to success; and the bigger the failure, the better. "Every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success," according to Napoleon Hill. Perhaps a good measure of trial and suffering would also be a terrific addition to one's optimal success strategy.
Interestingly, simply failing is, by itself, not sufficient. One must develop the right attitude toward failure. Reggie Jackson suggested, "I feel the most important requirement in success is learning to overcome failure. You must learn to tolerate it, but never accept it." Dexter Yager said, "A winner is one who accepts his failures and mistakes, picks up the pieces, and continues striving to reach his goals." It's a get back on the horse kind of thing. Denis Waitley puts it this way, "Forget about the consequences of failure. Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success."
At least Norman Vincent Peale didn't buy into the negative approach to success, "We've all heard that we have to learn from our mistakes, but I think it is more important to learn from our successes. If you learn only from your mistakes, you are inclined to learn only errors." The conclusion here is simple. Fail if you absolutely can't avoid it. If you fail, don't quit. You can't succeed if you don't try. Having said that, success is always more fun than failing and there is never any shame in having fun. The key is to do the right things right, the first time, on time, every time. With that as your personal standard, you won't always have fun but the odds will definitely favor your proactive approach to success.
Now you know so there you go.
Conformity: Every society honors its live conformists, and its dead troublemakers. - Mignon McLaughlin || Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path. - Author unknown
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do." -- Edward Everett Hale
A similar sentiment was expressed by William Penn "I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again." Your best strategy over the long-haul is to understand where people want to go and help them get there. You do this by talking with them about what aid and support they need from you and being sure they get it. It may seem more expedient to charge full-speed-ahead and others be damned; but being too self-serving ends up, in the long run, serving no one. Your success is best served by helping others succeed.
The glitch is that, no matter how well-intentioned, your offer to help is usually turned down or the response is, "I will let you know." If you sincerely want to help, do not ask what you can do to help or wait to be asked. Think about what the person's problem is or what they want to accomplish and then do something helpful. Proactively helping is most always much more helpful than help that is merely offered though it does take a little more time, a little more thought, and a little more effort. "Did that help?" is often the best question you can ask. As Sunshine Magazine pointed out, "He who gives when he is asked has waited too long."
The famous Anon. had a particularly pithy way of emphasizing the importance of being proactive with others, "Being good is commendable, but only when it is combined with doing good is it useful." Albert Schweitzer and William James respectively joined the help when you can, wherever you can chorus. "Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him;" and "Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." Perhaps the last word on it should go to George Bernard Shaw who said, "This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."
Now you know so there you go.
I have made what may be one of the world’s seventeen greatest discoveries. It is this: “Always keep it short and to the point.” You may disagree, citing Robert Southey who said, “It is with words as with sunbeams. The more they are condensed, the deeper they burn,” or Shakespeare who promised in Hamlet, “Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit, and tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief.”
Of course you are not questioning my point, just my assertion that I personally made the discovery. Naturally, I know that Baltasar Gracián said that “Good things, when short, are twice as good.,” in The Art of Worldly Wisdom; and Thomas Jefferson said, “The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.”
These great minds along with many others counsel us to be concise and not impose on the patience of anyone when we can avoid it. They have mostly intended their advice for the written word. For example, Lord Sandwich advised, “If any man will draw up his case, and put his name at the foot of the first page, I will give him an immediate reply. Where he compels me to turn over the sheet, he must wait my leisure.”
Or even more expansively and intending his point for every-day conversation, Mozart reported this, “My great-grandfather used to say to his wife, my great-grandmother, who in turn told her daughter, my grandmother, who repeated it to her daughter, my mother, who used to remind her daughter, my own sister, that to talk well and eloquently was a very great art, but that an equally great one was to know the right moment to stop.”
Dennis Roth made the same point but even briefer, “If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought;” and David Belasco was even more pithy, “If you can't write your idea on the back of my calling card, you don't have a clear idea.” The point is whether writing or talking, don’t be who Rabelais was talking about when he said, “He replies nothing but monosyllables. I believe he would make three bites of a cherry.” William Strunk Jr.cut to the chace for us, “A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.” Just omit whatever is not necessarily necessary.
That brings me back to my great discovery. Yes, I am still saying that it is my discovery, even though others have argued for brevity and conciseness long before I ever had a useful thought. Here is the discovery part of my discovery.
Whenever anyone starts to argue with whatever you have said or done, always keep it short and to the point. You will be tempted to reciprocate with a counter-argument, further explanation or justification, but there is seldom any point to the effort. Winning arguments is most always a futile hope. Instead, calmly wait until the other person has stopped pressing their argument – and they will stop sooner or later. At that point, simply say, “Thanks for sharing your perspective.” If the other person picks back up with arguing, wait and repeat.
You may not think this is one of the seventeen greatest discoveries ever, but don’t reject it until you’ve tried it.
Now you know so there you go.
"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done." Although Longfellow's pronouncement has superficial plausibility, it's merely an example of polar logic. One pole is what you feel capable of doing and the other is what you have already done. The judgment reduces to can and did. You judge yourself based on "can" and others judge you based on "did." The reality is that such judgments rarely reduce to either can or did, for you or for others who judge you.
Look first at "can." If this is a judgment you make about yourself, is it reasonable to make it without considering "did?" Relying exclusively on what you think you can do, without considering what you have done, places no value on prior experience. It also acknowledges an inability to learn. Alternatively, if you consider did to the exclusion of can, your behavior is simply repetitive; and you will need to take Albert Einstein's observation to heart, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Look next at "did." If others are expecting change, improvement, innovation, or new approaches and strategies, you aren't the person they need. They can only expect you to do again what you did before. Unless "can" is considered, nothing new or different ever happens. The conclusion is that can and did aren't separable. They are the head and tail of the coin of progress.
How then should one approach success? What is the best strategy for blending did and can? Arthur Schopenhauer pointed out, "a man can do as he will, but not will as he will." The message is that you can't simply "will" things to happen. You have a wide range of options for doing but no magical powers. Alexander Graham Bell said, "The most successful men in the end are those whose success is the result of steady accretion … It is the man who carefully advances step by step, with his mind becoming wider and wider - and progressively better able to grasp any theme or situation - persevering in what he knows to be practical, and concentrating his thought upon it, who is bound to succeed in the greatest degree."
The basis for judgment is now clearer. You and those who judge you focus on both did and can. Success is a blending of the two sides of the coin; and if your goal is to get a thumbs-up from you and from others, you need to get high marks on this short quiz. – Good luck!
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Are you carefully advancing, step by step?
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Is your mind becoming wider and wider?
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Are you persevering in what you know to be practical?
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Are you concentrating on succeeding?
Sure, it's simply a variation on the old story, "Nothing succeeds like success."
Now you know so there you go.
"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." -- Aristotle
The idea that excellence is a product of training isn't surprising. Athletes, musicians, and those who achieve preeminence in other areas requiring superior personal performance are well-aware of the necessity and value of continuous training. The point that may not be as obvious is that training and habituation are prerequisites for areas of excellence beyond developing physical skills and individual talents. They are necessary for emotional excellence, moral excellence, interpersonal excellence, as well as intellectual excellence. The point that may be even less obvious is that Aristotle also said that training and habituation are prerequisite to virtue. People have the capacity to be virtuous but become virtuous people only through training and habitually acting rightly. One becomes virtuous by acting virtuously.
How does one act virtuously? Cicero advised, "It is our special duty, that if anyone needs our help, we should give him such help to the utmost of our power." Confucius said, "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue… gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness." Although how one practices "gravity" is less than obvious, the other four requirements need no explanation. John Wesley was even clearer when he said, "Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can." Now that leaves little room for doubt or negotiation.
The message has not changed over the millennia. Dante said, "He who sees a need and waits to be asked for help is as unkind as if he had refused it." Gandhi said, "We must be the change we wish to see in the world." Is virtue the path to personal joy and fulfillment? Probably not. George Bernard Shaw said, "Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness." Why? As George Eliot put it, "Our deeds determine us as much as we determine our deeds." Remember Aristotle's message, "We are what we repeatedly do." The choice is to habitually act rightly or to act wrongly. At that level, it's not much of a choice. The key is remembering that acting virtuously is an essential part of one's ongoing excellence training.
Now you know so there you go.
Hello and welcome to Audio Tidbits.
I am the newest member of the podcasting team and am excited to have this opportunity to talk with you today.
As the new guy on the team, it's not easy to know exactly how to behave and what to share with you as my first chance at podcasting. I suspect you have been in the position of being the new kid in town. If you were like me today, you weren't quite sure how things work at your new gig and are anxious to get off to a good start. To say the least, it's a little awkward. Even so, I am taking a very big silent breath and hoping for the best. Here I go.
I thought I'd share with you as my first podcast some thoughts about being helpful and helping others. I know, maybe I'm just hoping that you are patient and help me get off to that good start we all hope for when starting something new.
Edward Everett Hale said, "Look up and not down. Look forward and not back. Look out and not in, and lend a hand."
You are seldom too busy or stressed to lend a hand, pitch in, to help others succeed. This does not mean that you let others intrude on your personal space or time. Rather, it means that you are usually able and willing to assist, help when there is an immediate need, do what you can for others, deal with what needs dealt with.
I sure hope I got that one right and you really are someone who wants to be helpful when you can. At the same time, I trust that I haven't intruded on your personal space or time. Well sure,I know that I intruded but hope that you're pleased that you pressed play and shared a little of your valuable time with me. I sure appreciate getting to spend this time with you.
Thanks and I hope we get to share some time together again real soon.
Samuel Johnson told us that the chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken; and John Dryden added that ill habits gather by unseen degrees — As brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas.
The truth of it is that Arnold Bennett got it right when he said that habits are the very dickens to change. Abigail Van Buren was also on point when she added that a bad habit never disappears miraculously. It's an undo-it-yourself project. Of course Mark Twain was also there, egar to join in, "Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time."
Naturally, St. Augustine had a wise caution for us, "Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.;" and as we would expect, Mark Twain inserted his take here on putting too much stock in saints and wisdom, "To have nothing the matter with you and no habits is pretty tame, pretty colorless. It is just the way a saint feels, I reckon; it is at least the way he looks. I never could stand a saint."
"Habit is a man's sole comfort. We dislike doing without even unpleasant things to which we have become accustomed," according to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. We already knew that habbits are sticky and not easily abandoned so aren't surprised that Georg Christoph Lichtenberg added that habit might be described as a kind of moral friction — as something not allowing easy passage to the mind, but rather so binding it to things that to work loose from them is difficult. A Spanish Proverb puts it like this, "Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables;" and Horace Mann like this, "Habit is a cable; we weave a thread each day, and at last we cannot break it."
As much as there is to say on the side of giving up our bad habbits, Eng's Principle advises that "The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change;" and bad habbits are definitly hard to change. At least mine are and I suspect yours are too, so we don't want to stop short, without reminding ourselves that habbits are not without virtue. Frank Crane said that habits are safer than rules; you don't have to watch them. And you don't have to keep them, either. They keep you. Well that may not be quite the virtue we had in mind so let's leave it with this from William James, "Habit is thus the enormous flywheel of society, its most precious conservative agent. It alone is what keeps us all within the bounds of ordinance, and saves the children of fortune from the envious uprisings of the poor."
Now you know so there you go.
Listen to this little tune for two minutes and forty-nine seconds and don't keep running the chorus past your mind once you have finished listening. I couldn't do it and bet you can't either.
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do." -- Edward Everett Hale
A similar sentiment was expressed by William Penn "I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again." Your best strategy over the long-haul is to understand where people want to go and help them get there. You do this by talking with them about what aid and support they need from you and being sure they get it. It may seem more expedient to charge full-speed-ahead and others be damned; but being too self-serving ends up, in the long run, serving no one. Your success is best served by helping others succeed.
The glitch is that, no matter how well-intentioned, your offer to help is usually turned down or the response is, "I will let you know." If you sincerely want to help, do not ask what you can do to help or wait to be asked. Think about what the person's problem is or what they want to accomplish and then do something helpful. Proactively helping is most always much more helpful than help that is merely offered though it does take a little more time, a little more thought, and a little more effort. "Did that help?" is often the best question you can ask. As Sunshine Magazine pointed out, "He who gives when he is asked has waited too long."
The famous Anon. had a particularly pithy way of emphasizing the importance of being proactive with others, "Being good is commendable, but only when it is combined with doing good is it useful." Albert Schweitzer and William James respectively joined the help when you can, wherever you can chorus. "Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him;" and "Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." Perhaps the last word on it should go to George Bernard Shaw who said, "This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."
Now you know so there you go.
"It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident." -- P.J. O'Rourke
The idea seems to be that good manners can and often do cover up the proverbial multitude of sins. As Arthur Schopenhauer put it, "Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax." It may quickly distort or otherwise transform reality. What seems sincere may merely be the latest example of Abel Stevens' observation, "Politeness is the art of choosing among one's real thoughts." The point is that in an effort to "be nice," candor can easily take a backseat to what Emily Post described as "a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others." The desire not to upset or offend takes priority over the responsibility to be honest and straightforward.
Of course, W. Somerset Maugham did say, "I don't think you want too much sincerity in society. It would be like an iron girder in a house of cards." And Lord Halifax said, "A man that should call everything by its right name would hardly pass the streets without being knocked down as a common enemy." The conclusion follows that there is an appropriate, middle ground between total honesty and bad manners. One should find that balance between excessive rudeness and being unnecessarily impolite on the one hand and knavery or excessive dishonesty on the other.
Are you tempted to agree with this argument? If so, you are probably aligning with the polite majority of people who behave as if the choice is between candor and insensitive rudeness. When it comes time to choose, they generally lean toward avoiding being seen as rude or as having bad manners. The result is that they are often dishonest, at least somewhat. Personal integrity is partially sacrificed to the god of good manners. When you are thus tempted, Cesare Pavese's observation is worth considering, "Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference."
Perhaps the real issue isn't your honesty, your integrity, or your manners. Rather, it is your discomfort with how you fear others will react to you if you actually say what you think, accurately express your feelings, and practice the candor you profess to value so highly. Often the issue is dealing with the bad manners of other people. As Gabirol put it, "The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones." the famous Anon. expressed the idea this way, "Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are;" and F. Scott Fitzgerald said, "It's not a slam at you when people are rude - it's a slam at the people they've met before." The best conclusion is that there is never a good excuse for bad manners and that "situational integrity" isn't integrity at all. Calmly and respectfully stand up, speak up, shut up, and sit down and then politely listen, making it immediately evident that you indeed are nice.
Now you know so there you go.
Here's how to play the Match Game. Hold the match, ready to strike. Whether you burn that bridge is now in your control.
"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." -- Jonathan Kozol
In the realm of life's little lessons, this seems axiomatic. The problem is that many of the battles that are big enough to matter aren't small enough to win; and those that are small enough to win tend not to matter. The challenge is in knowing when to fight and when to walk away. Kozol's advice is to fight if the outcome matters and you can win, otherwise walk away. Although this is certainly a practical approach to self-preservation, it's also a clear cop out. There are battles that matter way too much to avoid, even though winning is far from certain.
The more important lesson may be in David Russell's observation, "The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn." Life is full of conflicts and tensions, battles large and small, bridges to cross and bridges to burn. Life is a journey; and usually, when it isn't working out, you can change direction, back up and start again, and generally change your plans. Now and then, though, the bridge has burned and there is no turning back, nothing to do but live with the choices you have made.
No, there isn't an easy way to know when to cross that bridge and when to let it burn, when to be decisive and when to equivocate, when to hold back and when to make an irreversible choice. However, there are questions that you can ask and answer before choosing.
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"Am I burning any bridges by making this choice?"
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"Are the bridges being burned ones over which I may want to cross again?"
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"If I cannot cross a bridge again, what will I do instead, if the time comes when doing something else is necessary?"
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"If I cross this bridge, how will I handle it, if things don't work out as I hope they will?"
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"How will I be worse off if I neither cross the bridge ahead of me nor burn the one behind me, including the lost opportunity cost?"
So, you have asked the questions. You have answered the questions. What next? Stand up straight, take a deep breath, and deal with that bridge. Cross it; burn it; take a different road; but whatever you choose, don't forget the old Chinese proverb, "Talk doesn't cook rice."
Now you know so there you go.
"When your intelligence don't tell you something ain't right, your conscience gives you a tap on the shoulder and says ‘Hold on.' If it don't, you're a snake." As one might expect, Carl Jung expressed Presley's folk wisdom in somewhat more formal language; but the idea is the same, "Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, 'Something is out of tune.'" Christopher Reeve also heard that inner voice, "I think we all have a little voice inside us that will guide us. It may be God, I don't know. But I think that if we shut out all the noise and clutter from our lives and listen to that voice, it will tell us the right thing to do."
The recurring belief is that the voice of conscience is ever-present and far less fallible than the voice of reason. For example, Josh Billings asserted, "Reason often makes mistakes but conscience never does." Jean-Jacques Rousseau made the same point this way, "Reason deceives us often; conscience never." Although stated less dogmatically, Joseph Cook agreed with Billings and Rousseau, "Conscience is our magnetic compass; reason our chart."
Unfortunately, that little voice may not be quite the totally reliable key to recognizing the good and right some say it is. Samuel Butler pointed out, "Conscience is thoroughly well-bred and soon leaves off talking to those who do not wish to hear it." As it turns out, conscience has an attitude. If you don't pay attention to it, it may just stop paying attention to you. Were that not problem enough, what conscience is saying isn't always clear. You can listen and still struggle to understand. As William Dean Howells pointed out, "The difficulty is to know conscience from self-interest."
Conscience and reason are having a fight. They go back and forth all through the night. It's a right to the nose and a left to the chin. When morning comes, they start over again.
Reason says that it makes perfect sense. It's trying to nudge you off of the fence. The tug of conscience is hard to abide. It's pulling you hard to the other side.
You sway back and forth, first left and then right. Do you do what makes sense or do what seems right? Conscience gives you a pull, then reason a push. If this isn't resolved, you'll be dumped on your tush.
Does reason prevail or does the little voice win? Do you take one on the nose or one on the chin? Either way you go, it doesn't feel good. Do you do what makes sense or do what you should?
Calm yourself and try to unwind. Take a deep breath and make up your mind. Do you go with what you think or with that little voice? It's up to you; and you live with your choice.
Now you know so there you go.
"A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional, and are the portals of discovery." -- James Joyce
This certainly puts a different twist on the concept. The only requirement is that one is "A man of genius." If so, you don't make mistakes, you merely commit errors, on purpose. Try that one the next time you screw up, "It's no big deal. I just decided to make this mistake in order to open the portal for discovery." You can also note that on your resume where you explain why you left your last job.
Niels Bohr said, "An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field." Of course, Bohr does qualify as a man of genius; but to assume that he too is suggesting that those mistakes are the portals for discovery is likely not correct. A little folk wisdom may be more to the point. "Why are things always in the last place you look?" "It's because, once you find it, you quit looking."
Confucius has a better perspective, "A man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it, is committing another mistake." George Washington also joins in on the same side of the matter, "To err is nature, to rectify error is glory." As you hustle to rectify those errors, it will help to allay your anxiety if you remember Robert Henry's advice, "Don't ever be afraid to admit you were wrong. It's like saying you're wiser today than you were yesterday." While you're at it, though, don't overlook Frank Lloyd Wright's insight, "A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines." Since you are the architect of your success, you would do well to minimize the number and size of the vines required to cover up your mistakes.
Now you know so there you go.
"Since changes are going on anyway, the great thing is to learn enough about them so that we will be able to lay hold of them and turn them in the direction of our desires. Conditions and events are neither to be fled from nor passively acquiesced in; they are to be utilized and directed." It's not surprising that Dewey bases his approach to change management on active learning. Since change is a fact of life, you might as well make the best of it. Learn as much as you can about the changes in your life and then use them, as much as possible, to your advantage. William O. Douglas suggested that success in using change in your best interest depends, in large measure, on adjusting your thinking to conform to today's reality. "Security can only be achieved through constant change, through discarding old ideas that have outlived their usefulness and adapting others to current facts." Francis Bacon also agreed that you need to take charge of change and mold it to your purposes. "Things alter for the worse spontaneously, if they be not altered for the better designedly."
However, there are cautionary voices as you slide into the driver's seat of your life. For example, Ellen Glasgow said, "All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward." Distinguishing good change from the not so good is an important aspect of the learning Dewey recommended. Arnold Bennett also raised the voice of caution, "Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." Nonetheless, G. C. Lichtenberg submitted what is likely the take home point here, "I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better."
The substance of your life is in continuous change. The elements form and then rearrange. Some of those elements you can move and shift. Change can be slow or unusually swift.
It's an ongoing saga through each twist and turn. You refuse to change. It's not your concern. W. Edwards Deming discovered the conclusion to the story. "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."
Now you know so there you go.
aeda, John with Becky Bermot. Redesigning Leadership. Cambridge: The MIT Press, 2011.
...courage is a noble form of stupidity that aids getting impossible things done.
Being prepared isn't a matter of how much you practice. It's about knowing that even if you fail, you won't give up.
Doing right matters more than being right.
The primary challenge for a leader who is a natural doer is to discover the balance between the two; otherwise the specter of micromanagement can easily make a guest appearance.
Competency results in success results in complacency results in failure results in learning how to be competent again.
I'd rather be green and growing instead of ripe, ready to rot.
A leader's job is to get people on board with his vision--and he'll try whatever tools are at his disposal to do it.
...the one thing I've learned it's most important to convey is respect--it's the prerequisite for any other kind of communication.
...I still find an online poll to be tempting, but I know that it doesn't really do the community justice as a means to be heard. Votes are blind, scalable, and measurable, but they are also unfortunately simplistic in their ability to capture the complexity of opinion beyond a raised or lowered hand.
...managers in the hierarchy serve specific roles in communicating with the campus and I now believe that the president really has no business responding on their behalf.
Until you can serve pizza or drinks over the Web, a social media portal to foster true collaboration will be so-so.
I've learned that the first step in forming any team is to resolve the most basic challenge: getting folks to take the big step away from just being themselves and joining something larger .
When the right people are all in the right room with the right timing they can make the right decision ... right now.
because he thought so differently, his point of view helped me avoid making errors in how I framed a problem. When he did not understand something, it became an opportunity to sort through our differences and construct a common frame built out of the misunderstanding. Learning is said to be most potent when "cognitive dissonance" occurs.
Nobody signs on to be the weakest link in a chain; I've learned in building my own team that it's the ultimate responsibility of the leader to ensure that his team consists of the right members for the job at hand.
On one hand, the experience of leading is rewarding because you are in a position to positively enable others. On the other hand, leading often hurts, because the decisions you make can negatively affect a lot more people than just yourself.
Ideas lead to a result; ideals result in a leader.
Having ideals is having a compass that always points to your heart instead of your brain, and fulfillment isn't something you just imagine in your head but have to feel in your soul.
Trouble is, what makes good leadership is a moving target.
It's often hard to get a read on how well you might be doing because the negative voices too often drown out the positive.
If people are lucky, they will have at least a few good bosses to guide their own behavior as they progress in life.
So always ask yourself, "What are the principles?" Say them to those who haven't yet heard them clearly, and start from there.
I've observed firsthand how change and uncertainty create an informal stream of information--rumors--that quickly fills the unfilled vacuum of official information. Fueled by anonymous voices and emotional information that's extra-tasty , these informal information structures situate themselves as the alternative locus of "the truth." In other words, rumors effectively transfer the power of spreading information away from the official structures--which tend to be slower, more methodical, and more measured--and toward informal structures that deliver "news" without any need to wait.
I realize now that rumors are a by-product of not only not knowing t...
"No man ever wetted clay and then left it, as if there would be bricks by chance and fortune." One may assume that Plutarch intended this rhetorically, since it definitely isn't literally true. It's hard to say about wetting clay specifically; but starting a job and not finishing it is certainly not uncommon. The fact of the case is that it's business as usual for far too many folks. They probably don't think what they start will be finished by chance and fortune; but they do figure that they won't be the ones who have to complete it. It's likely justifiable to conclude that they see this as good fortune, whether anyone else does or not.
Why do people do this? Why do they stop before the job is done? The famous Anon. has been sitting on the answer, "The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places." That's it. They start with the best of intentions but soon discover that intentions are to accomplishments as a hardy appetite is to breakfast. However you like your omelet, someone still has to crack the eggs and grease the skillet.
Newt Gingrich figured out the "why" of it. He said, "Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." On the road to success, people get as far as "Perseverance" and then pull over and park. Perhaps they are too tired to continue, too bored to stay focused, or maybe just too trifling to take their responsibilities seriously. Whatever their excuse, they obdurately resist any suggestion that they should buckle down and take care of business. As Henry Ward Beecher expressed the principle, "The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't;" and some people just won't.
Sure, sometimes you come up against can't and won't and can't wins. You don't have the knowledge, skills, or resources it takes to do what you want to do. At other times, though, won't is clearly in the driver's seat. When you reach that fork in the road, Josh Billings has a little advice for you, "Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there."
It's a postage stamp moment. When it's time to do it, don't hesitate getting around to it. Remember that you are up to it, so get down to it, and jump into it; and if you think others are blocking your way, Gen. Joseph (Vinegar Joe) Stilwell's motto is worth adopting as your own. "Illegitimis non carborundum." (Don't let the bastards grind you down.)
Now you know so there you go.
"Be not simply good; be good for something." -- Henry David Thoreau
This is great advice; but try not to be too much of a good for something. There is a Greek Proverb that says, "The excess of virtue is a vice." Overdoing what you do is likely an example of such a vice. You just don't know when to quit. Sure, it makes you feel a bit superior; but as Ts'ai Ken T'an advised, "Water which is too pure has no fish;" and that isn't a good thing. Even Abraham Lincoln said, "It has ever been my experience that folks who have no vices, have very few virtues." As you see, overdoing it definitely has the potential for getting really unacceptable. Fortunately, George Orwell understood the root of the matter, "On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time;" so it's OK to have one of those to do lists so long as you don't overdo it. Here's how to manage the whole thing.
Is work piling up and there's just too much to do? Are you getting frustrated with things backing up on you? Does your to-do list keep getting longer with no end in sight? Would you stop and relax if you weren't so up-tight?
Does the daily rat race leave your head spinning? Is it depressing to see that the damn rats are winning? Are you holding up the world but feeling it slip? Is the balance in your life beginning to tip?
Did your future just flash before your eyes? Was it what you expected or a total surprise? Either way you don't need to see it twice. Put on the brakes and consider this advice.
Grab that to-do list and a ballpoint with ink. Shortening the list isn't as hard as you think. Put a checkmark beside jobs actually belonging to you. All other jobs can wait ‘til you're through.
Look at your checkmarks and handle it this way. Put a + beside tasks you can finish today. Rank the + items from more urgent to less. If it's hard to decide, quick take a guess.
Take your + list and cut it in half. Cut it in the middle and don't stop to laugh. What you have left is urgent so approach it this way. Just buckle down and do today's work today.
Now you know so there you go.
You have a job only you can do. The job you have is being you. At the end of each day you must take a test. Did you give being you your very best?
e. e. Cummings had some words that will take you pretty far. "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." The challenge is never giving your courage a rest. That's how you give being you your best.
Raymond Hull also had something important to say. "He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." What that means you've already guessed. You have to be just you to give being you your best.
You can't be who other people want you to be. You can't be a spider or a bird in a tree. The spider has its web and the bird has its nest; but you have something special when you give being you your best.
Judy Garland didn't find her advice on a shelf. "Always be a first-rate version of yourself…;" and Johann von Goethe's message wasn't a surprise, "If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise."
Confucius was a philosopher who knew how to depart, "Wherever you go, go with all your heart."
Go north or south or go east or west. Wherever you go, give being you your best.
Now you know so there you go.
"Are things out of control?" This is a most interesting question. You likely ask yourself this question sometimes and experience pronounced anxiety as you consider the answer. The problem is, of course, if things are out of control, there is no predicting the outcome. The possibility of a huge crash is out there and the prospect is somewhere between alarming and terrifying. Even if things are out of control, odds are that the outcome will be acceptable; but…. Perhaps Mario Andretti had a thought worth remembering, "If everything's under control, you're going too slow."
You have both experienced this existential anxiety and have thought about the intense level of uneasiness associated with it. It's indeed uncomfortable and evokes feelings of self-doubt, frustration, and a sense of helplessness. At times, these feelings can be overwhelming and nearly paralyzing.
If you run this issue by Sparky (a local guru on the topic) you may be quite taken aback to learn that the question itself is a product of retrograde thinking. Sparky will point out that the question is based on an invalid assumption. It assumes that things should be in control and that control is a desirable state. Not being one to stop with a brief comment and a few fries, That Sparky will probably go on to point out that most everyone has been in environments where control was the central priority and the major goal of those in charge.
Did you like that? Was that anymore comfortable? Is controlling the right thing to do? Do you want things to be controlled by you or anyone else? At that point, you may want to tell Sparky to take those fries and….
Once you've had a chance to settle down some, asked Sparky a different question. "If having things in control is not what we want, then what do we want?" As you might expect, Sparky says, "Now, there is a great question," as he gets up and goes out to find some more fries. Giving a great impression of Columbo, he pauses and adds, "I doubt if it is having things in control, though."
Perhaps the right question is actually, "Are you getting better and better at getting better and better, one issue at a time?" That question is easy. You certainly are, even though you lose the perspective once in a while as you see that you are not yet nearly as good as you need to be, as you are going to be. Still, you are a lot better at it than you were last month and much better than you were last year. When the anxiety comes, and it will, just think about how good you are going to be at it this time next year; and keep in mind what Lao Tzu said, "He who controls others may be powerful but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." Now there is an awesome thought! It also goes very well with fries.
Now you know so there you go.
"Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow." -- Glen Beaman
Stubbornness certainly has its up side. It's like the famous Anon. said, "Most people are more comfortable with old problems than with new solutions." While you are considering how relaxed you will be though, ponder Doug Floyd's point, "You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note." The truth of the matter is that it can quickly get down right boring.
There is another snag that can seriously temp you to stick to the same ol', same ol'. J. K. Galbraith described it this way, "The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking." Sure, thinking can be painful; but more to the point, it's frequently hard work. As Henry Ford said, "Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it. " If you were born tired and haven't rested up yet, thinking probably just isn't for you; but…. – and there's always a "but." This particular "but" was slipped in by Bertrand Russell who said, "In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted."
If you are like many other folks, you may believe that you are doing fine and don't need to bother hanging a question mark on anything. You may strongly feel that you are in good company and on the right road; but the famous Anon. had a bit of homespun wisdom worth a moment's thought, "Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path;" and while you are on a roll with the famous Anon., don't forget that, "Before you can break out of prison, you must first realize you're locked up."
Are you ready to make a break for it? If so, Dr. Seuss suggested the perfect strategy for you, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
If the notion of having your own thoughts and ideas causes you discomfort and anxiety, Tolkien had a helpful insight, "Not all those who wander are lost." At the same time, John Locke had a further insight to help you make it through the transition to thinking for yourself, "New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not already common." People's disagreeing does not mean you are wrong. It's like the famous Anon. said, "One who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints;" and footprints of your own you will and should leave. As you leave your footprints along the road to thinking for yourself, Satchel Paige had what may be the only advice you need, "Ain't no man can avoid being average, but there ain't no man got to be common."
Now you know so there you go.
Do you want to know everything there is to know about success in about five minutes? If so, please press play and learn. If not, well, you're on your own.
There is a space between you and me where the balance is just about right, but if the balance gets out of balance, all is not well. That's true whether you are my child, my partner, my employer, or just someone who wants and needs my attention. In this episode of Audio Tidbits, I give some thought and attention to this balance.
orris, Tom. If Harry Potter Ran General Electric: Leadership Wisdom from the World of the Wizards. New York: Doubleday, 2006.
The greatest teachers are always masters of their subjects who lead, train, guide, and inspire their student apprentices to their own forms of excellence. They never just pass on information. The master is a model, coach, helper, and motivator as well as a teacher and trainer.
The best leaders teach by example and guide with encouragement.
What we haven't ourselves received, we can't pass on to others. ... A great mentor is a person who has filtered his or her own prior personal experience, along with the experience of many others, analyzed it fully, and extracted from it the wisdom it contains.
Ultimately, he is a great leader because he's a wise man who knows human nature, and who acts in everything he does with great character.
Without truth, people can't work effectively. Without trust, people can't work efficiently.
The best leaders in most circumstances tend to be just completely committed people with keen intelligence, great skill, focused energy, a clear vision, the courage of their convictions, a passion for what they're doing, strong character, and a robust sense of concern for others.
We can mess up, and then clean up, and end up better than we started.
The deepest emotions are compatible with the highest rationality in any life that is in full control of all its faculties. But without proper self-control, no amount of passion or intellect can guarantee either great leadership or even long-lasting personal success.
...Ethics is really about creating strength. It is a matter of making choices that preserve those values and qualities most deserving of preservation. It's about doing what's right in any given circumstances, regardless of the consequences we might happen to predict, and it's about becoming a properly formed, strongly virtuous person as a result. All of ethics comes down to the choices we make every day. And who we become is a result of those choices.
There are many aspects to strength of character. An ability to make the right choices hinges on all of them. Honesty is important, as is a proper sense of loyalty, an empathetic appreciation for the needs of others, moderated desires, and a grounded, appropriate personal sense of self-worth and dignity. Any leader should seek to surround himself with people who have such qualities.
If you want to be a great leader, be a great person. Work on embodying and living the classic virtues. Broaden and deepen yourself as a human being. Seek to govern everything you feel and whatever you do in accordance with your most fundamental beliefs and values. Believe in other people. Show that you care about them. Never forget the power of apprenticeship. Make it a habit to exercise appropriate control over all your emotions and actions. And remember to have fun whenever it's at all possible.
Come with me now into the heart of the pulsing confusion that passes for reality. There we find all of the experiences that register as real and meaningful. We also register that which we call phantom and fanciful. It is a cauldron of real and not real, possible and not possible, and what we determine to be reality and the other. It’s the other on which we are focusing.
We know that our experience goes beyond what we know to be real and meaningful. It is the realm of the other. But how do we distinguish and what are the distinctions?
We want to believe that the real is that which we see but we nonetheless invasion that which we know to be of the other.
We want to believe what we hear and don’t want our ears to mislead; but even so, we hear sounds and voices that can only be from the other.
The other appears to us and intrudes as sound, but still we believe in the real but not the other.
The other may come to us through taste, touch, or smell, but we still persist in believing that we can know it is of the other and not of reality.
We like to conclude that real is what our senses tell us is real, but experience tells us that our senses provide a somewhat imperfect set of instruments for knowing the real from the other. We know that it is far from axiomatic that seeing is believing just as belief cannot be firmly based on hearing, touching, tasting, or smelling. If we are to know the real from the other, our sensory instrumentation is necessary but not sufficient.
Then what is the non-sensory capacity that supplements and corrects the reality distortion that would come through exclusive reliance on our senses? Here is where experience mediated by judgment and intelligence can serve us, can prevent most if not all false positives and false negatives. This internal capacity has the potential to protect us from the mistakes of our senses, protect us from believing that things are real which are not, thinking that things are illusions that are in fact real.
This capacity is no more useful than when we need to distinguish between truthful and valid news and information on the one hand and fake news and misinformation on the other hand. It is for each of us our built-in BS detector. This BS detector is there for each of us but frequently ignored and even more often just turned off.
What to do? Be sure that your BS detector is turned on and working correctly. Once you have assured that your BS detector is fully operative, run everything you see and hear through your personal BS detector before ever considering anything to be true or real. This starts with being skeptical with respect to anything important that you hear or are told, no matter who tells you. Other than your close friends and family, don’t believe anything you are told until you have thoughtfully run it past your personal BS detector; and even friends and family may be misrepresenting reality or distorting the truth, so beware.
Here is the conclusion. Since much of what we hear and are told is BS, simply assume that anything you hear or are told may be BS. So, keep your BS detector in front of you at all times, scanning and assessing the flow of news and information coming your way. It is the least you should do and, when you get down to it, it is the only protection we have from lies and damn lies that seek to overwhelm us.
This episode of Audio Tidbits is no more nor no less than you might expect from an episode called Random Wisdom. If you are already wise enough, feel free to skip the episode. But if you can always use a little random wisdom, press play and enjoy.
ockell, Leslie and Adrienne Avila. The 100 Greatest Leadership Principles of all Time. New York: Warner Business Books, 2007.
Leadership is a matter of intelligence, trustworthiness, humaneness, courage, and discipline.
A leader is one who sees more than others see, who sees farther than others see, and who sees before others see. - Leroy Eimes
The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say "I." And that's not because they have trained themselves not to say "I." They don't think "I." They think "we"; they think "team." They understand their job to be to make the team function. They accept responsibility and don' sidestep it, but "we" gets the credit ... This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done. - Peter F. Drucker
A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not. - Anonymous
Nobody rises to low expectations. - Calvin Lloyd
A community is like a ship: Everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm. - Henrik Ibsen.
In these days of fake news and intentional misinformation, it's easy to wonder if anything we read or hear is true. Maybe even more alarming is our inability to know who to believe, who to trust. And of course, that is the point of fake news and misinformation. The goal is not so much to get us to believe false this or untrue that as it is to fuel mistrust and doubt: mistrust of our political leaders and doubt about the intentions and motivations that underpin our government and institutions.
In The Fine Art of Baloney Detection, Carl Sagan was definitely on point when he counseled, "Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of confusion and bamboozle requires intelligence, vigilance, dedication and courage. But if we don't practice these tough habits of thought, we cannot hope to solve the truly serious problems that face us — and we risk becoming a nation of suckers, up for grabs by the next charlatan who comes along."
It's harsh but certainly self-evident that "If you don't control your mind, someone else will." John Allston points out the obvious, but it has gotten to where even the obvious is suspect. In testimony to this sad state of affairs, William Safire advises, "Never assume the obvious is true." At the extreme, we get to where we mistrust what we hear, what we see, what we think; and if the insidious erosion of trust persists, we come to distrust our personal judgment and our self-confidence falters.
There is an antidote for this insidious erosion of trust, but I doubt that many would think it is an easy medicine to swallow. The first dose is to give up our reliance on group-think. "Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path." I don't know who said that first and doubt that it matters much. The value is in being reminded that we are responsible for what we think, what we believe, and just because lots of well-meaning folks have signed onto the trip does not make it okay for us to thoughtlessly follow. Anatole France assures us that "If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." It's also true that if fifty million people think or do a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. It's up to us to guard against being just another one of the fools.
The second dose serving as an antidote for this insidious erosion of trust is to give up on our habitual reliance on simply accepting the perspectives, views and opinions of people with the loudest voices or the most followers. Let it suffice to remind us of Buddha's advice, "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it — even if I have said it — unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."
The third dose is perhaps the hardest to swallow. Grace Hopper argued that "The most damaging phrase in the language is, it's always been done that way." Variations on the point are mental crutches such as "I've always thought…," or "I've always believed…, " or "Everyone knows…." The notion is that once I think or believe anything, that's the way it is forever.
Granted, it's being consistent; but as Bernard Berenson cautioned, "Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." Or perhaps you prefer George Bernard Shaw's take, "Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." Even so, Glen Beaman has a point, "Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow." Unless you are content being pulled along by others, there is nothing for it but to take your medicine - all three doses - the only antidote to insidious group-think.
You've probably heard the advice that tells us that we have to go along to get along. Much of the time, if it's not altogether true, it's at least convenient. Christopher Morley puts it like this, "Lots of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you're not really interested in order to get where you're going."
We have our individual goals and agenda, but much of the time, prioritizing our personal interests requires too much effort or may actually be counterproductive. Michael Korda is on point when he advises, "The fastest way to succeed is to look as if you're playing by other people's rules, while quietly playing by your own."
The truth here notwithstanding, there is a very real danger. On the one hand, we run the risk of becoming so accustomed to fitting in that we passively subordinate our goals and agenda to the will and wishes of others; or on the other hand, we are so intent on guarding our individuality that we become inappropriately rigid and inflexible. Finding the middle ground is difficult and staying on that middle ground is even more challenging.
Bill Veeck tells us what is needed, "I try not to break the rules, but merely to test their elasticity." Nonetheless, for most of us, the trip from knowing to doing is frequently less than smooth. At this point, I think most of us either give up and go along or dig in and side with Bill Watterson's choice, "From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way." As tempting as either alternative may be, experience tells me that the middle ground is still the place to be.
How do you think this works as a helpful way of understanding the middle ground between giving in and digging in? "I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine." Fritz Perls' perspective on the middle ground is one that I personally find helpful. I'm comfortable going along so long as I experience other people's expectations as compatible with or at least not incompatible with mine. However, if I experience those expectations as incompatible, passively going along is no longer an option for me.
Saying this is easy but deciding to dig in and then doing it is not always easy and can be downright risky at times. Dr. SunWolf knows the truth of it, "Sooner or later, you will need the courage to be disliked," or perhaps the courage to accept even more harsh consequences. There is a cost to giving in and going along, but perhaps an even higher cost to digging in. The dilemma is in understanding the cost and benefits of both choices and then living with your choice.
There is a popular notion that advises that we can't succeed without first failing. The idea is that we fail forward to success. There are other variations such as we learn best from our mistakes and this sweeping generalization from Herman Melville, "Failure is the true test of greatness."
Since notions like "failure is a prerequisite to success" or "mistakes are prelude to positive outcomes" strike me as absurd, I think I will turn to Buddha for guidance. "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it — even if I have said it — unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." If you are reluctant to take this contrary thinking trip with me, let me remind you of Bertrand Russell's take on contrary thinking. "In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted." Or perhaps this from J K Galbraith, "The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking."
Sure, I've made my share of mistakes and there have been a few times when "failure" is a fair characterization of an unwanted outcome. That likely doesn't distinguish me from you or anyone else. But that is not the question here. The question is whether the mistakes and occasional failure were necessary pre-conditions to my subsequent success.
It may help to make what I think is an important clarification. A mistake is an action or set of actions that get an outcome different than expected. In turn, a failure is nothing more than a mistake that has unwanted consequences that persist. It's a continuum from trying something that doesn't work to trying something that results in a persistent mess. Where along the way you choose to designate the outcome as failure is your call. The point is that mistakes are nothing special or unusual; nor is occasional failure. The only real difference is that failure usually designates the point on the continuum where you stop trying.
Here is the conclusion I draw. Mistakes are likely inevitable, but I have no reason to think they are either necessary or useful. Better would be to get it right the first time, every time. For me, this is obvious. My experience teaches me that the mistakes I have made have little value other than to be put into the folder where I file mistakes under "things to avoid in the future." In this case, I do subscribe to the old wisdom that teaches, "If I keep doing things like I've always done them, what I'll get is what I've already got: mistakes." Thus, mistakes are to be remembered only as a reminder not to repeat them.
I am reluctantly considering the conclusion that much of what I have believed for as long as I have believed anything may represent far more hope than truth. Sure, I admit to taking it for granted that things actually are the way I have always thought they are, that my reality is valid and based on the true and factual, and that my sense of what's real is correct and axiomatic. Naive? Simple-minded? Perhaps dangerous? Indeed. But nonetheless, I believed.
I take some comfort in knowing that a preference for belief over thoughtful consideration didn't just start with me. The Roman philosopher Seneca observed that "Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment." It's likely that the "exercise" part of exercising judgment is the showstopper for many, if not most of us. For me at least, it has been easier to relax and believe.
Robert Brault got it right when he pointed out that "An old belief is like an old shoe. We so value its comfort that we fail to notice the hole in it." To my surprise and disappointment, I am starting to notice cracks if not actual holes in some of my most trusted beliefs. The cause and solution may be as simple as E D Martin suggests, "It is easier to believe than to doubt."
Laziness? Indifference? Bertrand Russell says it's our inherent credulity. "Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones." Perhaps I should add gullibility to lazy and naive. The picture is not looking good.
The pragmatist in me is calling out for attention. He or perhaps she is arguing that belief is not the issue. The issue is whether my unique collection of notions and ideas about how things are and how they work are serving me, furthering my interests. Admittedly, this is a rather pedestrian perspective; but if it works for me, I see little need to reason otherwise. If I may lean on Robert Brault again, "Sometimes you believe a thing that isn't true because in the world you wish to live in, it would be true." In the world I prefer, the way I arrange the pieces and parts, notions and ideas is reality, is worthy of belief.
As self-centered and self-serving as my pragmatic self prefers being, I suspect that I'm not alone with my pragmatism. And therein lies the problem, the crack in my carefully cultivated system of beliefs. If all of us adopt this "Me first" approach to life and living, we quickly find ourselves in a pseudo-Darwinian video game where only the most ruthless survive. Me has precedence over us, person has precedence over people, power has precedence over weakness, will has precedence over law, interests have precedence over values, and the winners take all.
I am coming to understand that Laurens van der Post has a point. "Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right." It seems to me that our elected politicians are increasingly convinced beyond doubt that they are right. But the truly frightening element is that they also believe that anyone who disagrees with them is, along with being wrong, stupid, subversive and unamerican. Name calling and finger pointing have become the political coin of the day. Ezra Pound thought that "What matters is not the idea a man holds, but the depth at which he holds it;" and the "I'm right and everyone who disagrees is wrong" approach to political discourse is deeply held.
It would be easy to just chalk it up to politics and the political game were it not for what I find to be a most disturbing theme. Dodinsky tells us that "Life will magnify what you choose to believe;" and the political single mindedness is definitely magnifying. Herbert Agar takes the point a step further, "Man tends to treat all his opinions as principles;" and unfortunately, poorly constructed and ill-considered ideas and reactions are elevating to the level of governing principles.
I could make my list of action and inaction within our federal gover...
I'm tempted to initiate our conversation by saying, "There are two types of people: …." Since my plan is to talk about advice and attitudes, I think it will suffice to simply remind us that there are people who ask for advice and those who actually follow it only when the advice we offer is an exact fit with what they wanted to hear. They are usually the same people. Hannah Whitall Smith understood the key to advice giving when she pointed out, "The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right."
If that adequately sets the stage for both of us, let me suggest that attitude matters, and quite often, attitude is all that actually matters. If you doubt the truth of this putative fact of life and living, let me share the perspectives of some other folks who have given a lot of thought to the notion. From there, you can and of course, will draw your own conclusion. In turn, I will remain perfectly indifferent to your personal conclusion and will not persist in trying to set you right.
The first point about attitude is that attitude is nothing more complicated than knowing that we always get to decide what our attitude is today. It's just a state of mind that we impose on our current situation or circumstance. It works like this.
From Annie Gottlier, we get this. "It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to."
Publius Terentius Afer puts it this way. "There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly."
Leland Val Van de Wall makes the same point like this. "You only have to do something until you want to do it, then you won’t have to do it any more."
And Samuel Johnson joins in, "He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts." Stephen Covey, William James, and Norman Vincent Peale all agreed.
"Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us."
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes."
"Change your thoughts and you change your world."
Personally, I favor this version of attitude is your choice, even though no one seems to know who said it first.
Your life is your garden, Your thoughts are the seeds. If your life isn't awesome, You've been watering the weeds.
No one claims this version either, but I like it.
"Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out."
David Ambrose, Arthur Christopher Benson and Helen MacInness also want a turn at the microphone.
"If you have the will to win, you have achieved half your success; if you don't, you have achieved half your failure."
"Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene."
"Nothing is interesting if you're not interested."
I think I am safe in concluding that the point has been well made: Our attitude is within our control; and either we control it or it controls us, along with controling our future. All that is left are some little tips about a few of those sometimes annoying facts of life that may or may not be important to know. Dare I say that it depends totally on our attitude?
"Whenever you fall, pick something up." (Oswald Avery)
"We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails." (Unknown)
"The world is full of cactus, but we don't have to sit on it." (Will Foley)
"Those who wish to sing, always find a song." (Swedish Proverb)
"Sometimes life's Hell. But hey! Whatever gets the marshmallows toasty." (J Andrew Helt)
I have come to the end but find myself with three dangling tidbits that are begging to be included but don't quite fit. If you want to stop without them, that works for me. But if you have a few seconds, I think they may be worth taking along with you as you get back to your day.
alciccioli, Greg. The Enemies of Excellence: 7 Reasons Why We Sabotage Success. Crossroad: The Crossroad Publishing Company, 2011.
Few people consider how to sustain their success because they're too busy trying to achieve it.
Most leaders want to be the best people they can be and to lead with excellence. They want to thrive, and they want the people around them to thrive. They have the best of intentions.
Success is inherently unstable. The skills it took to establish success cannot sustain it.
A high-profile leader is surrounded by people who are hungry for the leader's success. They want him to succeed, and if the price for that is to overlook a few red flags here and there, so be it. The greater the success, the greater the danger.
To deal the fatal blow to egotism, you must identify what you desire as the outcome of your life and leadership. You need to ask yourself: Are you striving to reach just another self-centered summit, or are you leading people and the organization you serve towards something higher?
...influence, more than intelligence, is the sign of the greatest leaders.
Have you noticed that work is always present and, like fire, is never satisfied?
The best way to build character is to define it, practice it, and defend it. Once you define your character so that you clearly understand it, you can practice it in everyday life and leadership. This increases your character competency and prepares you to defend it when you face the Enemy of Indulgence.
We need to invite the right people into our lives and grant them permission to review who we are and how we live. When we choose our own accountability partners, we gain people we can trust, and that trust leads to greater vulnerability. To be vulnerable is to be open to correction and criticism.
The self-deception of many leaders begins with the Enemy of Egotism. A leader believes "I really know what is best for me, my team, and this organization." Notice I say that he believes it, not that it is true.
Yet herein lies the problem. Most leaders who enjoy rapid success experience a serious gap. Because success has come so quickly, and character is slower to develop than talents and abilities, their character is inevitably less developed than their talents. Yet, like all of us, they need character to sustain success.
A leader in emergency mode is just trying to put out fires in his personal life. He is too tired to do things right and well, so he tries just to "get it done." This approach inevitably can't solve problems, breeds more Bad Habits, and merely fuels the leader's failure.
You need to succeed, but in fact, we all need you to succeed.
According to KLM Royal Dutch Airlines, they believe actions speak louder than tweets. I don't know the context for their mentioning this, but I definitely agree. How about you?
I will leave you to your own speculation about who or what comes to mind when the subject of tweets comes up. I only caution you to avoid conflating tweeting with doing, tweeting with thoughtful discourse, tweeting with reality.
Although tweets and tweeting are fairly recent innovations, the idea of communicating through compact pronouncements is not. Let's try a few examples that would have worked quite well as tweets, had the option been available at the time. I have picked out examples that may have best been directed to today's most prolific tweeters. May I suggest that you focus on a specific tweeter, if one comes to mind. That will help when considering the fit between tweets and action, as KLM suggested.
JohnLocke "I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts."
BenjaminFranklin "Well done is better than well said."
AlfredAdler "Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement."
HenryJKaiser "If your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt."
AndrewCarnegie "As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do."
LewisCass "People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do."
And of course, a good tweet session would hardly be complete without some old wisdom that comes from #Me "When all is said and done, don't turn out to be the one for whom much is said but little is done.; for if your action can't speak for its self, more tweets won't do much to make your case."
There are many reasons why some of us succeed while others of us are only getting by. One of the more hidden reasons is directly related to how successful people - yes, all of them -- communicate. They always have smart conversations. While others are having simple conversations, the successful are doing smart, without anyone noticing. Do you communicate for success? I doubt that you ever do otherwise. I am assuming that you are too smart to be that dumb. Listen and hear how it works.
an Vugt, Mark, and Anjana Ahuja. Naturally Selected: Why Some People Lead, Why Others Follow, and Why It Matters. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., 2011.
If you're concerned about the amount of time your underlings spend around the water cooler - don't be. Gossip is an entirely natural and frankly ineradicable method of winkling out unsuitable managers, although you might not be so keen on office hydration if you're an office ogre.
Still, the fact is that we are ancient brains trying to make our way in an ultra-modern world; when shiny new corporate ideas rub up against our creaking, millennia-old psyches, the clash can make us feel uneasy. ... nobody wants workplaces to become havens of primitivism, but we do seem happiest when our working environments echo facets of ancestral tribal life - a close-knit structure governed loosely by trusted elders, in which every member was valued for his or her unique contribution to group living and survival.
Every human society that has ever been observed contains a minority who lead and a majority who follow, which suggests that this time-honoured way of organising human society is driven by an ancient imperative.
...we instinctively regard good talkers as being good leaders.
...the babble effect - in which the chattiest person in a group is regarded informally as the group's leader - further demonstrates the link between talkativeness and the perception of leadership potential .
So, while a participative style, which brings subordinates into the decision-making fold, might be productive in one setting, it would not be suited to a fast-moving environment such as a hospital emergency ward or on the battlefield. Someone who can handle a crisis might not be a person who can manage during a slow period.
...how we like to lead and how we wish to be led ...
Mathematical models show that, when uncertainty and complexity reign, distributed leadership actually works better than dictatorial leadership . In this picture, information is pooled from many group members and then a decision is made by averaging out, or a majority consensus.
...the five main dimensions of personality: agreeableness, extraversion, neuroticism, conscientiousness, openness to experience. Some psychologists have also recently identified a sixth trait, which is called honesty/humility and which may be particularly relevant for leadership.
Humans have a natural capacity to follow, just as evolutionary leadership theory would suggest. You could call followership the default setting of the human psyche. - why humans are natural followers is that by following a leader, you can note and learn the qualities required if you are to become leader one day. It's like on-the-job training. Following a leader not only raises your chances of survival in a mean world, but it is a tutorial in leadership that you can one day turn to your advantage.
...even a small dissenting minority can have an important effect on group unity. It takes only a small ripple to rock the boat...
We propose a new taxonomy of followership based on evolutionary leadership theory. It contains five categories of follower: apprentice, disciple, loyalist, supporter and subordinate.
For example, a charismatic CEO who champions his employees and is generous with his wisdom, while delivering profits that are shared among employees, is going to appeal to followers across the board. He will be a teacher to his apprentices, a source of inspiration to his disciples, a defender to his loyalists, a figurehead to his supporters and a provider to his subordinates.
In America, two-thirds of employees name their boss as their biggest headache, and there is no reason to think this dismal statistic differs wildly in other economies. Common reasons for disgruntlement among employees are the feeling they are being micromanaged; rude or abrasive managers; workplace indecision; and perceived favoritism.
The air is thick with tariffs, or is it? We hear about more and more tariffs and tougher and tougher negotiations. But is that the truth of it, the bottom line? I think not. I suspect the truer story is more and more taxes on each of us. That's the real negotiating strategy. Press play and come to your own conclusion.
Do you know someone who is proud of being his or her own person? By that, they mean that the social rules and customs that apply to most of us just don’t apply to them. They think that conforming and predictability are for everyone else but not for them. They are their own person and others will just have to deal with it. Let’s think about how that might work out over time. Press play and join me.
Do you see a committed relationship in your future or perhaps a renewed commitment to an ongoing relationship? If so, you may do well to listen and consider if you are actually ready to commit.
ockerell, Lee. Creating Magic: 10 Common Sense Leadership Strategies From a Life at Disney. New York: Doubleday, 2008.
Each of the fifty-nine thousand Cast Members is trained to treat each and every Guest with the utmost care and respect. And they do this consistently because they are treated exactly the same way by the Disney leadership: with the utmost care and respect.
...they fail to appreciate the critical difference between managing and leading. I learned the hard way that managerial skills are absolutely essential for getting results, but they are not enough to drive excellence. Excellence requires common sense leadership.
...all everyone wants is to feel special, to be treated with respect, and to be seen as an individual.
...leaders have to set the proper tone by staying cool, calm, and collected under pressure. No matter what's going on, they have to focus single-mindedly on doing the best they can with what they have instead of blaming, whining, or wishing that things would change.
Just as great parents pay attention to everyone in their family, so great leaders pay attention to everyone in their organizations, bolstering his or her self-esteem and self-confidence at every step. If everyone feels recognized, appreciated, and listened to, everyone will want to take every opportunity to learn and grow.
Make me feel special. Treat me as an individual. Respect me. Make me knowledgeable.
Every individual in your organization should clearly and completely understand what he or she is responsible for, what level of authority he or she has, and how he or she will be held accountable.
Each layer through which information is filtered multiplies the inaccuracies and distortions, making it much more likely that something minor will snowball into a serious problem.
...The better your direct reports, the more of them you can have. Why? Because they need very little supervision.
...People don't always recognize the merits of change right off the bat. But if you persist, they'll soon come to see why breaking the mold is not only in the best interest of the company but in their best interest as well, and they may even follow your example by initiating changes themselves.
Whether they're called rules, procedures, policies, or operating guidelines, processes define how employees should interact with other people--coworkers, customers, and external business contacts--as well as with the physical environment and technology in order to accomplish specific tasks in the best and most efficient way. Effective processes make the routine things run smoothly and consistently, freeing employees to do the extra things that can turn a good business into a great business.
...You ignore the details at your peril.
..."We've always done it that way" could mean that you've been doing it wrong all along.
As a leader you have to keep your ear to the ground and listen for the sound of complaints from your staff. It helps to have a process in place to root out process problems and then follow up to make sure they're resolved.
Being poorly organized is one of the biggest problems leaders run into, and they don't always recognize it. Crises keep erupting around them, and they don't realize that many could have been averted if they'd been better organized in the first place. And the more fires they have to put out, the more they resist getting organized, because they can't stop long enough to take stock of their routines.
When a problem arises, seek out the process failure; don't just look for someone to blame.
If you don't appreciate, respect, and encourage those you lead, they'll give you only halfhearted effort or, worse, sabotage you or leave you high and dry. Great leaders know that, and they look for opportunities to give out the free fuel of ARE in an authentic, specific, and timely manner.
Be conscious of the impact of your presence and your interactions with people.
iseman, Liz and Greg McKeown. Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., 2010.
It isn't how much you know that matters. What matters is how much access you have to what other people know. It isn't just how intelligent your team members are; it is how much of that intelligence you can draw out and put to use.
The Diminisher is an Empire Builder. The Multiplier is a Talent Magnet.
The Diminisher is a Tyrant. The Multiplier is a Liberator.
The Diminisher is a Know-It-All. The Multiplier is a Challenger.
The Diminisher is a Decision Maker. The Multiplier is a Debate Maker.
The Diminisher is a Micromanager. The Multiplier is an Investor.
Would your people describe you as someone who recognizes talented people, draws them in, and utilizes them at their fullest? Would they say they have grown more around you than any other manager they have worked for? Or would they describe you as someone who pulled them into your organization not as a talent to be developed, but more as a resource to be deployed and then left to languish?
What people do easily, they do without conscious effort. They do it better than anything else they do, but they don't need to apply extraordinary effort to the task. They get results that are head-and-shoulders above others but they do it without breaking a sweat.
"Ignore me as needed to get your job done."
Leaders most often know who the blockers are. The most common mistake they make is waiting too long to remove them.
While a Tyrant creates stress that causes people to hold back, a Liberator creates space for people to step up. While a Tyrant swings between positions that create whiplash in the organization, a Liberator builds stability that generates forward momentum.
One way he elicits the best thinking from people is that he knows what people are actually capable of producing. He knows everyone's job intimately, but he doesn't do it for them. generate rapid learning cycles.
Liberators don't just listen the majority of time. They massively shift the ratio, listening most of the time. This creates space for others to share what they know.
Diminishers give answers. Good leaders ask questions. Multipliers ask the really hard questions. They ask the questions that challenge people not only to think but to rethink. They ask questions so immense that people can't answer them based on their current knowledge or where they currently stand.
There are times when a leader is so knowledgeable and personally brilliant that it seems tempting for them to provide directives centered in what they know. However, in the end, Know-It-Alls limit what their organization can achieve to what they themselves know how to do.
The nature of the executive role makes it easy to stay rooted in answer mode and to be the boss. The first step in this journey is to stop answering questions and begin asking them.
Our research has shown that Diminishers tend to make decisions solo or with a small inner circle. As a result, they not only underutilize the intelligence around them, but they also leave the organization spinning instead of executing.
In preparation for the meeting itself, Debate Makers define what needs to be addressed, why it is important, and how the final decision is expected to be made.
At first glance, it appears that Diminishers make efficient decisions. However, because their approach only utilizes the intelligence of a small number of people and ignores the rigor of debate, the broader organization is left in the dark, not understanding the decision, nor the assumptions and facts upon which it is based. With this lack of clarity, people turn to debating the soundness of a decision rather than executing it.
Multipliers enable others to operate independently by giving other people ownership for results and investing in their success. Multipliers can't always be present to perform emergency rescues,
This one is just for listening. Kevin does his magic to brighten up our day, especially if it is still Monday where you are.
Whether the thirty tips from James are actually paths to success is an open question. Even so, they are thirty tips that help us come closer to that success we want. I think James has actually discovered thirty ways of making the same point, and that point is well worth five minutes to be sure we never forget. Please listen and remind yourself.
Thanks for giving me a few minutes to share a couple of thoughts about leadership and taking care of business. I found an interesting book that has some ideas worth consideration.
In Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box, produced by the Arbinger Institute and published by Berrett-Koehler Publishers in 2002, I discovered what I think is an important truth for everyone but especially for leaders. It starts with a simple but rather strange proposition.
Self-deception determines my experience in every aspect of life.
There you go. Let me share it again. I don't know for sure about you but I personally find the assertion very strange.
Self-deception determines my experience in every aspect of life.
Okay, I'll move on. The arguement works like this.
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An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is an act of "self-betrayal."
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When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.
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When I see a self-justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted.
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When I betray myself, I enter the box.
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Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.
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By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box with me.
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In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box.
It might seem that if others are also in the box, my being in the box may not be all that big of a deal. It's a state I can easily justify or at least rationalize, since everyone is doing it.
So what doesn't work in the box? Why do I need to get out and stay out?
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While I am in the box, there is little hope that others will change their behavior, attitudes or perceptions of me and of their world. I am and remain their justification for maintaining the status quo. I am the everyone in everyone is doing it.
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In the box, doing my best to "cope" with others is limited by my perspective. I do things and behave in ways that are contrary to what I feel I should do. It doesn't feel right but I think I have no real choice, no reasonable alternative. It's nothing personal, it's just business. It's a dog eat dog world, either I get the bear or the bear gets me, that's just how it goes.
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Leaving the box is not an option, or at least that's the way it seems to me. Sure, I could get out of the box but I definitely don't want to be out there by myself. Unless everyone is leaving the box or nearly everyone is leaving, I will just stay in the box where it is safe, even though it does not feel quite right to me. It's just business.
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I know that in theary we could all sit down and talk this over but that is certainly not going to happen. Communicating about how we feel and what would be the right thing to do is just not how to take care of business.
As I said, it's business and talking about feelings, personal values and what we truly believe is just not how business is done. What would people think about me if I started talking about all that warm and fuzzy stuff? It's for sure I'm not interested in finding out.
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Even if I thought climbing out of the box was a good idea, and I don't, I would need a whole new skill set. I am a business person and not the warm and fuzzy type. I have to focus on getting the job done and not on all that touchy feely stuff. I don't have either the time or interest it would take for implementing those new skills and techniques. It's just not me.
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Changing my behavior is not something that is either needed or wanted by me or by those I do business with. We are all comfortable in the box or perhaps only think we are comfortable in there. My point is that it doesn't matter either way. It's how business is done and everyone is doing it.
There is not much point in thinking about getting out of the box anyway. I have been in there so long that I don't think I could get out if I wanted to. I don't have a clue about how I would even start.
With twenty or so Dems running for President and Trump fronting the Repubs for re-election, the every-four-year circus is upon us. Campaign season is underway. I thought we might all benefit from a short history of politics and a reminder that politics isn't always what the politicians tell us it is. Please press play and come to your own conclusion.
Over the years, we accumulate quite a variety of rules and philosophy tidbits for life and living. How often do we take time to question them? For most of us, the answer is, "Not much." In this episode of Audio Tidbits, I take a look at one area of well-tested advice that may need a second look.
I agree that having it done is usually better than getting it done, but may or may not be as much fun. Even so, this time, getting it done is a very nice outcome. Please have a listen and see how it works for you. Kevin has contributed another one of his cool tunes to the mix for us. That gives us half talk and half fun tune. That's a mix that is hard to criticize.
Last year, I shared on PPOV.net an excerpt from a speech given by President Trump that focused on the promises he made to all of us. I think it is worth re-publishing for your consideration.
Mr. President, I have just again listened to your victory speech from 2016 from the night you learned that you were the President-elect. You said some very hopeful things in that speech and let us know that you had great plans for our country. You said a couple of things that I think need revisited. You seemed to have promised more than you are delivering, more than you seem to have any intention to deliver. Maybe its just too much to expect, but I think you and I should chat about it.
Okay, I know that’s not going to happen. You are way too busy to have little chats with retired liberals in Ohio. Since I’m not likely to be able to share my concerns with you, I am sharing them with my listeners. If you happen to have a few minutes to listen, just press play and we can pick that bone together.
The big crash is why I have not added any episodes to Audio Tidbits for quite a while. All went south around the first of April. My good fortune was that I had a backup from the middle of March. I was able to get things working again but lost everything between the middle of March and the big crash day. From there, it took three weeks to get back on-line. If you are interested in the four minute version of the sad story, please press play. If you only want to listen to one of Kevin's cool tunes, skip the first three minutes and fifty-seven seconds. All things considered, I'll just talk it up to a learning experience; and a learning experience it was.
Not everyone can be in charge. We certainly know that too many cooks…, too many chiefs…, and the old sayings could be continued. It's a principle that we have all heard and even sometimes take to heart. There are times though, when we seem to forget. Consider this example from my past. Perhaps you have an example of your own.
"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference," according to Winston Churchill. But if a big difference is a bit more than you want to take on right now, a slightly better attitude is a good place to start.
If perhaps you think that changing your attitude won't really make any difference, consider this from William James. "The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes." It's worth mentioning that Norman Vincent Peale agreed. He said, "Change your thoughts and you change your world." Just how much change you want is up to you.
What is stopping you from that attitude change James and Peale think are so important? Mahatma Gandhi had this advice for us, "I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet." I think the point is to figure out who in our lives is feeding the attitude we have and making sure their dirty feet are not pulling us in the wrong direction. I suspect that attitudes are contagious and it's pretty easy to be infected by someone else’s bad attitude.
While you are considering even a minor attitude adjustment, it will help to keep the words of Isaac Bashevis Singer in mind, "If you keep on saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of becoming a prophet. Will Foley put it a little more succinctly, "The world is full of cactus, but we don't have to sit on it."
I hear you. You are committing to a little attitude shift but don't want to get carried away with this attitude thing. Although no one claims credit for saying it, not majoring in minor things is likely worth at least some consideration. Even so, "If you are not enjoying the journey, you probably won't enjoy the destination." The tip here is pretty simple: "Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out."
Is that you shrugging your shoulders and saying, "Who cares?" As Helen MacInness reminded, "Nothing is interesting if you're not interested." As the old Swedish Proverb suggests, "Those who wish to sing, always find a song," and those who don't, don't. It's that attitude thing all over again.
It was Arthur Christopher Benson who said, "Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene." Of course the point is valid; but all things considered, I think going for a change of scene is sometimes a better first choice than undertaking changing ourselves. According to Edward de Bono, "Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations." Since you likely conclude that your unhappiness is because "they" just don't appreciate your exceptional talents, moving on may be better than - and is certainly easier than one of those attitude adjustments "they" keep suggesting.
Ralph Marston may have argued that "Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude," but just who does he think he is anyway? When we are the ones with the skills, others will just have to get over it. Our attitudes are just fine thank you.
Even though I don't know who said it, "It isn't our position but our disposition which makes us happy." As true as that is, I think I still should be the boss. How about you?
The title pretty much sums it up. We all have had to deal with one of those fault finders and finger pointers. It's frustrating sure enough. The podcasting team has a collection of examples for us, just in case they have temporarily slipped our mind.
From time to time, it's time to revisit The Friend Factory. This is the time, no matter whether you are eight or eighty. We all need reminded now and then.
Let's let the title stand on its own. Maybe not on Facebook likely covers a lot of things, but here's one I am pretty sure about.
Do you have the key to perfect intimate relationships? The problem is that there are way more than a single key. But having 1 key is a good start. Try this one. It may unlock more than you might expect.
Do you have your answer yet? Are you old yet or is there still time for your future? It's at least worth a listen.
Please press play for two minutes of happy. I am simply sharing “Onion Capers” by Kevin MacLeod and included here under Creative Commons license. You can find out all about Kevin, his totally terrific music and his other activities and products at https://incompetech.com.
Not all leaders are proactive leaders but you already knew that. What you may not know is the 3 tips I have included just for you. Give a listen and see if they will work for you.
What is the main factor for your success? Luck, timing or perhaps the caprese of other people? I think it is something much more personal.
Do you think it is too late for you to succeed? Perhaps you still have time since - for you - it's too soon to fail. Well, it may not be quite as simple as you might wish.
Please press play for four minutes of happy. I am simply sharing "Flying Kerfuffle" by Kevin MacLeod and included here under Creative Commons license. You can find out all about Kevin, his totally terrific music and his other activities and products at https://incompetech.com.
It's just another way to make the same point, but even so, it is important enough to be repeated: Keep Cool But Don't Freeze.
It's a pretty simple point but nonetheless too often missed. When emotions are running hot, especially when anger and frustration dominate, calm most always wins. So slow down, calm down and wait your turn. It will come, and when it does, you are in the power position.
What happens when someone doesn't meet your expectations, doesn't do as well as you had hoped? Is your reaction negative and critical? Well, ok, but take it easy.
You aren't going to win'em all, but nonetheless we try. If that means we always give best effort, good for us. If it means we feel like failures, shame on us. The point is even more true when we respond to others and especially to our children.
It's always good to compliment someone who did particularly well, who's work is an example of excellence. Even better is the second compliment. Twice complimented is the extra that makes the difference now and then.
I think you may enjoy this remix of a fun episode from a year ago or so. Mr. Little goes to Audio School.
Finding the key to success is a totally terrific goal, but what if you could find 23? Listen carefully. They are here for you - all 23.
With most any project or task, there are several elements, some of which are easy and go well and others that are difficult and are not going so well. How to approach all of this is sometimes a challenge. This tidbit includes two suggestions you will likely find helpful as you take on projects at home, at work or elsewhere.
In an earlier episode, I thought Mitch McConnell was being a wimp about the government shut-down. A comment attributed to him changes my thinking, at least a little. Listen and decide what you think.
A friendly bar, a good ol' boy, a guitar and me. This one is just for fun. Press play and enjoy.
Pointing your angry finger at me is bad enough, but pointing that angry finger at yourself is usually worse.
Most of the time please and thankyou and you did a good job are enough, but now and then….
As tempting as it is to try, changing people is a losing cause. They may change and probably will, but not very quickly, not very soon and not because you want them to change.
In this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, my podcasting friends and I share a simple perspective on success. Success is ACTION but not all action is success. I think you will find the perspective of my friends interesting and very much on point.
To my surprise, my podcasting associates on the podcasting team had a very negative reaction to the new approach to Audio Tidbits Podcast. They listened and concluded that I was kicking them out of the castle. I quickly switched from my plan for the episode to consider their fears and to talk through what our plan should be moving on. Please listen. I think it brings a perspective that may go beyond podcasting. It causes me to wonder who else I have been kicking out of the castle. You may see that you have kicked out someone along your way.
In this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, I share some new insight into what is causing part if not most of my struggle with my new approach to podcasting. I then get into the heart of my pondering for today. I am wondering why Mitch McConnell is such a wimp. He says he won’t bring anything up for a vote unless President Trump gives him the green light. That makes Mitch the President’s man-servant in the US Senate. He is there to do the President’s bidding and nothing else.
I doubt if that is what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they required a Senate. I think that what we are seeing is Mitch being a wimp instead of being a Senator. Were he being a Senator, he would be giving us his considered view on a border wall and the government shut-down and not deferring to the President. I doubt that the folks who elected him thought it was so he could be the President’s lackey. Whether you agree or not, have a listen. I definitely think you will have an opinion.
In this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, I am struggling to succeed, along with many others who have a goal but who are spending more time thinking about success than time succeeding. Getting down to the business of success is much harder than it seems like it should be. Please join me to see how the struggle is going.
As the New Year starts, it's time to think about getting into it. The "it" is the Audio Tidbits Podcast. I thought it was time to change my approach to the podcast and today seemed like the perfect time to take the new path. Please listen and see what you think. I hope the new path works for you. Perhaps once we both get into it, we will wonder why I haven't been doing it that way all along. So Happy New Year and enjoy.
If you weren't invited to the party and are feeling left out, I thought I could share a brief sample of the stimulating conversation you are missing. This is what you are concerned you missed, along with the after-party hangover.
A few years ago, I was sitting at the negotiation table with the staff negotiator for the UAW who was representing most of the staff of the human services agency I directed. We both knew where the final agreement would settle within a fairly narrow range, so the negotiation was somewhere between proforma at one end and details that didn't matter all that much one way or another at the other end. As expected, the union made some proposals that we both knew weren't going to be accepted and a few that were both reasonable and acceptable. The negotiation was to sort out those details and issues. We both knew that labor and management can have big issues at times but also knew that this was not one of those times; or so I thought.
In this round of negotiations, the agency would have been fine continuing the current contract but was quite willing to sweeten the deal some. Here is the problem. The UAW negotiator made the first offer from the union that he knew, and I knew would not be accepted. The agency then made its first counter offer that I knew, and he knew would not be accepted. We were setting the outside limits within which the negotiation was expected to focus.
To my surprise, the UAW negotiator immediately brought out his only real weapon. Instead of making a modified offer, he said that they would take an immediate strike vote if their first offer wasn't accepted in full. What do you think my response should have been?
I admit that the temptation to play his version of hard ball was nearly overwhelming. Although I was far from speechless, the range of possible responses was flowing past so rapidly that I was temporarily dumbfounded. I finally said, "I doubt if that would be a very good outcome for either of us."
His response was even more surprising than his starting the negotiation by refusing to negotiate. They would not negotiate. Either they got everything they wanted, or they would strike. To my suggestion that striking would not be a good outcome for either of us, he said, "I don't care. I just don't care what you think about the outcome."
It may not be obvious that this junction was in reality a serious test of the value of good manners, but it most assuredly was. Let's pursue what may at first seem to be an irrelevant tangent. I will come back on point a little later.
P J O'Rourke thought, "Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident."
The idea seems to be that good manners can and often do cover up the proverbial multitude of sins. As Arthur Schopenhauer put it, "Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax." It may quickly distort or otherwise transform reality. What seems sincere may merely be the latest example of Abel Stevens' observation, "Politeness is the art of choosing among one's real thoughts." The point is that in an effort to "be nice," candor can easily take a backseat to what Emily Post described as "a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others." The desire not to upset or offend takes priority over the responsibility to be honest and straightforward.
Of course, W Somerset Maugham did say, "I don't think you want too much sincerity in society. It would be like an iron girder in a house of cards." And Lord Halifax said, "A man that should call everything by its right name would hardly pass the streets without being knocked down as a common enemy." The conclusion follows that there is an appropriate, middle ground between total honesty and bad manners. One should find that balance between excessive rudeness and being unnecessarily impolite on the one hand and knavery or excessive dishonesty on the other.
Are you tempted to agree with this argument? If so, you are probably aligning with the polite majority of people who behave as if the choice is between candor and insensitive rudeness. When it comes time to choose,
For the past few posts, our focus has been on the southern border with Mexico. You may think that the kerfuffle is all about border security, but that interpretation doesn't hold up very well. Both President Trump and the opposition publicly agree that enhanced border security is important and would be a worthy outcome. So, what is the issue?
Is it the cost? Probably not. Both sides agree that appropriating funds for enhanced border security is necessary. Yes, they are apart on how much funding, but the difference is only thirty seconds or so of the total cost of operating the Federal government. That doesn't seem like enough difference to justify major disruption in the lives of nearly a million Federal workers and related non-government employment, along with the disruption in government services and responsibilities. The negative effect of the stalemate is just too far out of proportion to the funding gap.
In months past, President Trump proclaimed that the cost was neither an issue nor going to be an issue. Mexico would be paying for the needed enhanced security. Now, that pipedream has faded, and both sides agree that it will be paid for by our Federal government. Even so, the cost is not the cause of the kerfuffle.
Both sides appear to be digging in over a wall versus no wall. It also seems unlikely that this is at the heart of the impasse. The two-thousand-mile border, (the distance from Chicago to Los Angeles,) likely needs a wall or at least a better fence along some stretches but building a wall that stretches uninterrupted from the Pacific Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico is likely not even possible. At least part of it would need to be secured with electronic detection and drones. Even were it possible, building the wall would probably take many years. It would not enhance security much for quite some time.
President Trump is saying that he will close the border with Mexico if he doesn't get funding for his wall. It's not at all clear what that would accomplish. It would prevent legal entry across that border but wouldn't do much to stop illegal entry. Whatever the current security risk is that requires enhanced security would not be appreciably reduced by closing the border. It would definitely harm the law-abiding adults and children who hope to enter the United States but would do little to stop the illegal influx of criminals and hooligans.
Perhaps most people think the politicians should sit down together and work out a deal. There is probably a reasonable compromise in there somewhere between all wall and no wall. There is likely a solution that is both practical and possible. The political bridge burning is a serious escalation of the King-of-the-Hill game the politicians are playing with the lives and futures of far too many innocent people on both sides of the border.
There is some advice about bridge burning that both President Trump and the opposition would do well to seriously take to heart.
Jonathan Kozol advised, "Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win."
In the realm of life's little lessons, this seems axiomatic. The problem is that many of the battles that are big enough to matter aren't small enough to win; and those that are small enough to win tend not to matter. The challenge is in knowing when to fight and when to walk away. Kozol's advice is to fight if the outcome matters and you can win, otherwise walk away. Although this is certainly a practical approach to self-preservation, it's also a clear cop out. There are battles that matter way too much to avoid, even though winning is far from certain.
The more important lesson may be in David Russell's observation, "The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn." Life is full of conflicts and tensions, battles large and small, bridges to cross and bridges to burn. Life is a journey; and usually, when it isn't working out, you can change direction, back up and start again,
It seems as if there was once a time when the right and good, the moral and just were guiding principles for the United States. It may be that it was never as true as it appeared, but at least it seemed as if it were truer than not. That may be little more than wishful nostalgia, more fantasy than reality. Even so, it's easy to consider the daily news and conclude that morality and ethics have nothing to do with how decisions are made, how resources are distributed, how the public's business is conducted.
Let's play a little mind game. It's sort of like playing musical chairs. The population of all of Central America is only slightly more than the population of California: about forty million. Let's suppose that people concluded that California is no longer a fit place to stay and raise a family. Staying is just not possible. Let's further assume that the only reasonable decision is to close California. The migration into the rest of the United States would be extremely disruptive for a while; but if we look ahead five years, the population of California would be absorbed, and life would go on.
Okay, closing all of California may be a bit excessive. Let's suppose that It's only necessary to close Berkeley. Now we only need to assimilate about one hundred and twenty thousand people. That sounds a lot more manageable. It may be that none of them has to actually leave California.
Sure, we're back to discussing the border with Mexico. That's the border that is about the same distance as it is from Chicago to Los Angeles. President Trump is threatening to close the border, letting no one into the United States by way of that border. His only announced goal that I have heard is to prevent an influx of criminals and hooligans. But here is the problem with that. The current border policy is probably reducing but not eliminating the influx of criminals and hooligans. That would be a good thing were it not for the reality that it is also preventing thousands of law-abiding adults and children from peacefully entering the United States.
Just as the rest of California does not want Berkeley's criminals and hooligans, we don't want those from Central America. But just as accommodation would be made for Berkeley's law-abiding adults and children when Berkeley is closed, most of the people fleeing from Central America could be accommodated with the aid of appropriate Federal policy and assistance. It may actually be less costly and certainly would be more humane to help them than it is to keep them out.
That brings us back to right and wrong, just and unjust, moral and immoral. What should our Federal government be doing about the hope of thousands of people from Central America to leave their homes and come to the United States? It is certainly a security question. It is certainly an economic question. Let's hope that our government understands that it is also a moral question, a question of our collective ethics.
What does your conscience tell you about what our collective position should be? What is the right thing to do?
Elvis Presley had a thought to focus us. "When your intelligence don't tell you something ain't right, your conscience gives you a tap on the shoulder and says ‘Hold on.' If it don't, you're a snake."
As one might expect, Carl Jung expressed Presley's folk wisdom in somewhat more formal language; but the idea is the same, "Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, 'Something is out of tune.'" Christopher Reeve also heard that inner voice, "I think we all have a little voice inside us that will guide us. It may be God, I don't know. But I think that if we shut out all the noise and clutter from our lives and listen to that voice, it will tell us the right thing to do."
The recurring belief is that the voice of conscience is ever-present and far less fallible than the voice of reason. For example,
You likely heard that the Federal government is partially shut-down. It's not like a private company shutting down part of its operation and laying off some of its employees. For those employees, it's no job, no pay. For the Federal employees who are off work for now, it's no job but you most likely get paid later.
It's not so harm-free for private contractors and all of the businesses who depend on the thousands of Federal employees to shop and buy. The point is that the partial government shut-down is causing real problems for thousands of real people.
All of those Federal employees who are off work had real jobs and provided real services that many people, businesses and organizations depend on to function. The result of the partial government shut-down is that there is major disruption that is seriously interfering with the economic and transactional life of the country. And the longer the partial shut-down continues, the more harmful the disruption.
Why is the Federal government partially shut-down? That's an easy question to answer. It's a tried-and-true negotiating strategy. President Trump wants to build a wall long enough to run from Chicago to Los Angeles but built along the border with Mexico. The final cost of his wall would likely be ten million dollars a mile, but a less expensive wall might be acceptable. Maybe two and a half million dollars a mile would work for him. We can call that solution 1.
The opposition will not agree to the wall but may be fine with a technological barrier that is yet to be clearly explained. We don't know how much that type of barrier would cost but it would presumably be less than two and a half million dollars a mile. We can call that solution 2.
As we see, both sides agree that some type of enhanced barrier should be put in place. The Federal government is shut down because the two sides can't agree about the type of barrier and how much it should cost. There is no disagreement about the need for an enhanced barrier nor that it will be expensive. How expensive? It will cost about as much as it costs to fund the Federal government for thirty seconds. President Trump wants about forty-five seconds and the opposition is offering only fifteen. The Federal government is partially shut-down over about thirty seconds of disputed funding.
It's pretty clear that the partial Federal government shut-down is not actually about funding. It seems most unlikely that either side would take such drastic action over thirty seconds of government funding. The sticking point is most likely only about the type of enhanced barrier to be put in place. This despite the reality that there is no assurance that either President Trumps wall or the opposition's electronics and drones will totally fortify the border. Either will likely reduce the number of criminals and hoodlums illegally crossing the border but neither will completely stop their passage.
Let's consider this. It seems quite unlikely that either President Trump or the opposition are experts on border security. They both want good border security but thinking that they know how to best achieve it is unrealistic. Alternatively, there are certainly people who are experts. Those experts are the best source of advice and guidance. It does not seem unreasonable to assume that they would recommend some mix of security measures along the two-thousand-mile border. It is fair to conclude that neither a wall nor advanced technology alone is the best solution, and neither will completely stop the influx of criminals and hooligans.
Here is what may be the surprising conclusion. The federal government is not partially shut-down over either the cost of enhanced security or over the type of security needed. It is partially shut-down over both sides digging in and holding their ground by insisting that it is either their way or no way. There isn't a way for both sides to save face. The negotiation has reduced to a zero-sum game.
I have been trying to avoid spending any time thinking about politics, economics and the current state of things in the United States. Despite my sincere effort, I keep drifting back into the morass of commentators and politicians. It makes me wonder about how any of us can distinguish the true from the fake, the actual from snake oil.
My thought process seems to be more than random but less than objective. I am somehow pulled and pushed in ways that are confusing and hard to track. The border with Mexico is a prime example. Is it merely a boundary between two countries, the door to opportunity for many of our southern neighbors, the dividing line between us and them or the entry portal for criminals and hooligans? My rational self thinks the border is a mix of all of these. The political jousting tends to focus on the criminals and hooligans, of which there are certainly some. Nearly everyone agrees that keeping them out is a very good idea. We definitely do not want more criminals and hooligans to add to the home-grown variety we already have.
According to the Google guy, the US Mexico border is just short of two thousand miles. It's about the same as the distance from Cleveland in Ohio to Las Vegas in Nevada; or about the same as from Chicago to Los Angeles. With that perspective, imagine building and maintaining a thirty-foot-high wall or a shorter fence for the full two thousand miles. Additionally, you need to make sure no one breaches the barrier.
President Trump and those on Team Trump tell us that the only way to keep the criminals and hooligans out is to build and maintain the two-thousand-mile wall. Our fear of the invading criminals and hooligans should be a sufficient motivation to build it now. The opposition team tells us that there are better and less expensive ways of keeping the criminals and hooligans out, although so far, I haven't heard much about what those better and less expensive ways are. They seem to have something to do with electronics and drones.
My rational self tells me that either approach would probably work equally well. Either the old-style wall or the new-style technology would likely stop most but not all of the illegal border crossing. Either would be particularly effective at stopping children and families. The real issue is how well either would be at stopping criminals and hooligans. I suspect either approach would slow down the influx of criminals and hooligans but many if not most determined criminals and hooligans would be up to the challenge of either type of barrier. I doubt that either approach would actually reduce the number of criminals and hooligans all that much who get from there to here. Even so, either approach would likely reduce the number of good people looking for a better life who make the passage.
There is another confusing element in all of this. How many people currently cross the border illegally each year? It matters since that is the number that either the President's wall or the oppositions technology is expected to reduce. I haven't heard even an estimate of how many. Further, I haven't heard how much reduction we should expect using either people stopping approach. Focusing specifically on criminals and hooligans, how many bad people illegally cross the border each year and how much will that number reduce by way of the wall or advanced technology?
For the business people among us, let's think about this. the current border security has been working fairly well for quite some time. Most but certainly not all illegal border crossing is already being prevented. Without any border security, let's say that the number of criminals and hooligans crossing the border illegally would be X. With the current security Y criminals and hooligans are prevented from crossing illegally. The number still crossing is then X minus Y criminals and hooligans. Let's call that Z criminals and hooligans. The value of the wall or the technology is thus how much reduction the...
Your mental health matters. It starts with being nice to yourself. Listen and hear how it is done.
It seems fitting to initiate (compliments of www.QuoteGarden.com - edited for audio format) the conclusion of our Christmas wisdom with the thoughts of an anonymous philosopher who said, The message of Christmas is that the visible material world is bound to the invisible spiritual world.
Robert Lynd, who is admittedly not a philosopher said, Were I a philosopher, I should write a philosophy of toys, showing that nothing else in life need be taken seriously, and that Christmas Day in the company of children is one of the few occasions on which men become entirely alive.
Pope John 23rd added, Mankind is a great, an immense family. This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas.
Carolyn Wells is a little more down to Earth with her perspective on gifts, I love the Christmas-tide, and yet, I notice this, each year I live; I always like the gifts I get, But how I love the gifts I give!
She followed up on her wisdom with, 'Tis blessed to bestow, and yet, Could we bestow the gifts we get, And keep the ones we give away, How happy were our Christmas day!
P J O'Rourke lightens the discourse when he points out, There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neck ties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.
Our 30th President, Calvin Coolidge was again a bit more philosophical, Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
Robert Kirby is a little more practical, No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas.
Deborah Whipp's nostalgia definitely has that ring of truth, Like snowflakes, my Christmas memories gather and dance — each beautiful, unique and too soon gone.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox knows about nostalgia as well, When Christmas bells are swinging above the fields of snow, we hear sweet voices ringing from lands of long ago, and etched on vacant places are half-forgotten faces of friends we used to cherish, and loves we used to know.
Vanessa Grimaldi said, Santa Claus is believing in something greater, believing in something magical; but Dennis the Menace pointed out that the real question is whether Santa Claus believes in you.
Charles Dickens said, I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time.
Margaret Elizabeth Sangster agrees, At Christmas-tide the open hand Scatters its bounty o'er sea and land, And none are left to grieve alone, For Love is heaven and claims its own.
Erma Bombeck gets at the heart of it, There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Louisa May Alcott hints at the magic, Are they Christmas fairies stealing Rows of little socks to fill? Are they angels floating hither With their message of good-will? What sweet spell are these elves weaving, As like larks they chirp and sing?
Neil deGrasse Tyson is here to make us smile, Santa knows Physics: Of all colors, Red Light penetrates fog best. That's why Benny the Blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig.
Once again, my dear people, Merry Christmas is here, With holly and mistletoe And its good will and cheer! With its joys and its heartaches, With its laughter and song, It comes as a reminder That time marches along. This reminder from Gertrude Tooley Buckingham likely gets a "Too True" from most of us.
This from Jay Leno should have perhaps been omitted but alas, The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington D C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Let's just hope that Julia Peterkin's rumor has not reached your home,
Let's start down the Christmas trail (again compliments of www.QuoteGarden.com - formatting omitted) with a tradition from Betsy Cañas Garmon's family. She sits with her husband in a room lit only by tree lights and wants us to remember that our blessings outnumber the lights. Happy Christmas to all.
Thomas Tusser also has advice for the season. At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.
Lenora Mattingly Weber is here as well to focus our perspective. Christmas is for children. But it is for grown-ups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts.
Sing hey! Sing hey! For Christmas Day; Twine mistletoe and holly. For a friendship glows In winter snows, And so let's all be jolly! No one is quite sure who first said it but there's little doubt that we can all give it a hey! hey! of our own.
Gertrude Tooley Buckingham is joining in, Christmas is coming; it is almost here! With Santa and presents, good will and cheer! Now that may be even better than one of those Hey! heys!
In steps the realist to keep us from getting too carried away. Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money. It's not surprising that no one takes credit for that one.
Fortunately, May Sarton is here to keep us on the Christmas rails, I can understand people simply fleeing the mountainous effort Christmas has become but there are always a few saving graces and finally they make up for all the bother and distress.
Dinah Maria Mulock is also here for us and for are sense of good will, It is the Christmas time: And up and down 'twixt heaven and earth, In glorious grief and solemn mirth, The shining angels climb.
Fail not to call to mind, in the course of the twenty-fifth of this month, that the Divinest Heart that ever walked the earth was born on that day; and then smile and enjoy yourselves for the rest of it; for mirth is also of Heaven's making. Thank you Leigh Hunt, that certainly brings the full spirit of Christmas into focus for us.
John Kendrick Bangs sharpens our focus as well, Whose heart doth hold the Christmas glow Hath little need of Mistletoe; Who bears a smiling grace of mien Need waste no time on wreaths of green; Whose lips have words of comfort spread Needs not the holly-berries red. His very presence scatters wide The spirit of the Christmastide.
You may think it was Charlie Brown who said, The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect! but it was actually Charles N Barnard. Even so, it's so true.
Let's give Edgar Guest a chance to get in his two cents worth, At Christmas a man is at his finest towards the finish of the year; He is almost what he should be when the Christmas season's here; Then he's thinking more of others than he's thought the months before, And the laughter of his children is a joy worth toiling for. He is less a selfish creature than at any other time; When the Christmas spirit rules him he comes close to the sublime.
Woops, that pesky author unknown is butting in again with another dose of reality, Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.
Eric Sevareid puts us back on track though, As long as we know in our hearts what Christmas ought to be, Christmas is.
Bob Hope expands on the point, When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things — not the great occasions — give off the greatest glow of happiness.
D D Monroe is also on board with the sentiment, It is the one season of the year when we can lay aside all gnawing worry, indulge in sentiment without censure, assume the carefree faith of childhood, and just plain "have fun." Whether they call it Yuletide, Noel, Weinachten, or Christmas, people around the earth thirst for its refreshment as the desert traveller for the oasis.
Okay Benny Hill, go ahead, we know you are itching to remind the rest of us, Roses are reddish,
Let's get started (Compliments of www.QuoteGarden.com) with Louisa May Alcott who said, Very gay they were with snow and sleigh-bells, holly-boughs, and garlands below, and Christmas sunshine in the winter sky above. All faces shone, all voices had a cheery ring, and everybody stepped briskly on errands of good-will.
Norman Vincent Peale joined in, Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
Carol Nelson added, Christmas is a time when you get homesick — even when you're home.
Roy L Smith was there too, He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
Of course, Charles Dickens brought his unique perspective, I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.
W J Cameron was also along with a thought for careful consideration, Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year — and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority.
Burton Hillis makes us smile, The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree, the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
And along came Andy Rooney to remind us not to get in too much of a rush to clear the happy evidence, One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.
Naturally Charles Dickens has more than one thought for the holiday, Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home!
Lest we forget, W J Cameron reminds us, There has been only one Christmas, the rest are anniversaries.
Thanks go to Eric Sevareid for resetting our perspective when he pointed out that, Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves.
We can all agree with Laura Ingalls Wilder when she reminds us that, Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas time.
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. Thank you Larry Wilde, it's too true.
Washington Irving is also here to remind us, Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.
Peg Bracken definitely gets it. We can only hope that we do too. She said, Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.
Kate L Bosher said, Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for — I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.
And Marjorie Holmes knows what we get so lonely for. She said, At Christmas, all roads lead home.
It may be sad but true that Francis C Farley is correct. He said, Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish. Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself.
Harlan Miller has an idea worth following up, I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.
What would a collection of thoughtful thoughts be without Dave Barry. Dave said, In the old days,
Sometimes it's nice just to sit back, relax and spend a few minutes thinking of Christmas. Please press play and join me.
Imagine that you are relaxing with a friend, perhaps sipping a bit of holiday cheer, and your friend says, “May you live all the days of your life. May God grant you many years to live, for sure He must be knowing the earth has angels all too few and Heaven is overflowing. May the devil chase you every day of your life and never catch you; and may you get to Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead.”
You savor the kind words as your friend continues, “May the sun shine, all day long, everything go right, and nothing wrong. May those you love bring love back to you and may all the wishes you wish come true! May you have warm words on a cool evening, a full moon on a dark night, and a smooth road all the way to your door. May brooks and trees and singing hills join in the chorus too, and every gentle breeze that blows send happiness to you, a sunbeam to warm you, a moonbeam to charm you, a sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you.”
“May you always have walls from the storm, a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you, and all your heart might desire. May you always have work for your hands to do. May your pockets hold always a coin or two. May the sun shine bright on your windowpane. May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain. May the hand of a friend always be near you. And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you. May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day. May songbirds serenade you every step along the way. May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue. And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.”
Tip now your cup to the spirit of the holiday and may the jolly old man himself fill our special day with joy.
Our intrepid hunters are back on the search for the Great Mouse. She was unexpectedly spotted hiding in a strange place, far away and previously unknown to our hunters. The Great Mouse was suddenly a threat to the yearly journey of the jolly old man himself. Will the intrepid hunters Chace her away in time? Will the path be cleared for the man in red and white? With our fingers crossed, press play and let's see how the latest quest for the Great Mouse turns out.
Christmas is a magical time. WOW! A tree in the house, excitement everywhere and Santa is coming. Yes indeed, the jolly old elf himself.
When did we start to doubt? For most of us, it was about the time we got to kindergarten. A question here, an overheard comment there and our confidence began to crack. Even then, we might still believe were it not for the playground expert on everything. Know-it-all types always show up when we least need them. Perhaps you have noticed that yourself.
Few of us remember exactly when the crack in our faith became an empty place in our childhood where elves and reindeer used to play. Halloween's ghosts and goblins, imaginary friends and The Easter Bunny were there too. The Tooth Fairy came in the night with nickels and, if we were very good, maybe a shiny quarter. We remember, like to recall the magic, if only for a little while.
DENNIS THE MENACE has the answer.
A while back, Dennis and his Friend Joey were in line waiting to talk to Santa. Dennis said, "It's not so important that you believe in Santa Claus Joey, as long as he believes in you!"
I wish I had thought to say that to the expert on the playground of my childhood. Her name was Sandra; and I learned what she had found out about Santa Claus the same winter morning I learned what happens to little boys who hit little girls. Neither lesson felt much like good news nor anything else I personally wanted to know.
Please indulge me. "Hey Sandra, so what! The important thing is whether Santa Claus believes in you. That's almost the same thing my mother told me when I told her what you said. That also was when she told me that, no matter what you said, little boys really shouldn't hit little girls."
Does Santa Claus believe in you?
Maybe yes, maybe no. It depends on the spirit in which you give your gifts. Here is how you can know for sure.
Brightly wrapped packages and cheerful words are quite nice. Most anyone would enjoy being on the receiving side of your generosity. Santa looks for the spirit that comes with your gifts though. It is what counts the most. You have been told that before and it is the truth.
Does a gift from you come with these value-added extras?
• Your affection and acceptance of the person getting your gift.
• Your promise to be considerate of the person's feelings and needs.
• Your willingness to give of yourself in ways that are gentle and helpful.
• Your pledge of honesty and loyalty.
Santa will be pleased.
Not every present you give needs these added values. Sometimes you give someone a present and they give you one. It's the social thing to do.
Your family and special friends deserve much more from you though. When you care enough to be sure that your gifts to them include these value-added extras, they are reminded that Santa Claus believes in them.
This is the real treat. If you include these value-added extras with each gift you give to people you love, Santa will believe in you too.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
How often do you find yourself close to others who are having an emotional meltdown? They may be uncomfortably anxious. They may be irrationally angry. They may be alarmingly depressed. More likely, they are just far enough into their meltdown to cause you discomfort and concern. What to do? Please listen and consider a tip that will help you get past the episode and will certainly help the meltdowner.
The title tells the tale. Our broadcast license agreement with the Aliens Amongst Us does not authorize any comment by us beyond what has been said. You will need to listen for yourself.
Are you a never go back person or do you like to revisit places you've been before? Well, we've been here before but it's a place worth another listen. Of course, if you don't mind being driven up the wall, it's ok to take a pass on this revisit.
Mental illness is many things. Like physical illness, mental illness can affect anyone and has many forms. The first important point to see is that mental illness is not just one illness but is many illnesses.
It will help you to think about it in this way. There is the part of the young person that thinks and understands. You can call this part the child's mind. There is the part that feels happy and sad, frightened and calm, angry and joyful. You can call this part the emotions. Also there is the part that does things and takes action based on what the youngster thinks and feels. You can call this part behavior.
What is mental illness? The child's mind, emotions, and behavior normally work together as a team. When children become mentally ill, the three members of the team stop working together. They each start doing their thing and the child cannot get them to start working together again.
Some kinds of mental illness affect the mind the most. The youngster is unable to think clearly and understand things the way they really are. The world becomes a strange and confusing place for him.
Other kinds of mental illness affect emotions more and other kinds affect behavior more. Here is another important point. All types of mental illness affect the child's mind, emotions, and behavior to some extent and in some way. When this happens, the young person finds it very hard to keep the three members of the team under control and working together. Keep this problem of teamwork in mind as you think about these signs of mental illness.
- Their moods jump from one extreme to the other and they cannot control them.
It is important to make this point. When you see any of the signs in this section, your foster child needs a mental health evaluation and likely needs professional care. Having said that, it also is important for you to understand the signs and have some ideas about how to help the child at your home.
There are several reasons why your foster child might have trouble controlling his mood and emotions. The most likely is stress or excitement. The child feels upset or very excited; and his emotions are a little out of hand. Here is the important part of the sign. He cannot control his feelings and mood.
When a child gets excited or upset, he normally can settle down, at least for a few minutes. What you see is that he is having part of this sign. Both parts need to be there before you would say he has this sign. His moods are jumping to the extremes and he cannot control it.
A hyperactive child or a child with serious behavior problems often shows both sides of the sign. He may be happy and full of energy one minute and flip into near violence the next. He may be happy one minute and withdrawn the next. The change can be dramatic. He cannot control this flipping back-and-forth without professional help. This has nothing to do with mental illness but needs your caring concern.
Another cause of the problem is depression. A depressed child often does not act like you might expect her to act. You might think she would be in a down mood and not very active. Her depression may look like this but is just as likely to look quite different.
One look of a child's depression fits this sign well. Her moods and emotions flip around. For example, she may be very up and have a lot of energy and then down and withdrawn. She may be friendly and then angry for no reason you can see. The important thing is to see she cannot stop it and needs help with her depression.
Another cause of this sign is serious mental illness. If this is what is happening with your foster child, you would likely see one or more of the other signs in this section.
Here is what to know. Arguing and getting upset with the child only makes things worse. It is not a problem that has anything to do with discipline or willfulness. Her emotions and reactions really are out of control. She cannot help it. Patience and tolerance are in order.
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Sometimes children get so confused about what is going on in their lives and so down on themselves that they can hardly stand it. They may feel like running away or just giving up on themselves. These are awful feelings. They feel afraid, angry, and very upset. They have more stress than they can handle and their self-esteem is very low. They cannot get their thoughts straightened out or figure out their problems. There seems no end to their bad feelings. They believe they have come to the end of the road and don't fit or belong anywhere.
Killing themselves seems like their only choice. Looking at these signs that a child may be suicidal will be useful. As you consider the signs, give some thought to how vulnerable foster children are.
- They have lost an important relationship and can hardly live without it.
The first idea to think about is "perception." This is how things seem from the child's point of view. Feeling she cannot live without a relationship is her perception of how she would be without the relationship. Seeing the relationship as important also is her perception. When you see this sign in your foster child, she perceives the relationship she lost was important, thinks it is gone, and believes she cannot live without it. It does not matter how others see or think about her and the relationship. Her perceptions are how it is for her. Perception is her reality and the only reason for her actions.
When working with her, start where she is, start with her perceptions.
It is easy to just say that what she thinks and feels is not true. Some people start by deciding that the relationship was not really so important. Others start by deciding that she has not really lost the relationship. They say to her, "Things will work out." Either way, these people think the child is wrong when she thinks she cannot live without the relationship.
Helping means getting inside her skin so you can see how she perceives what happened. Why does she think the relationship was so important? What makes her think she lost the relationship? Here is the most important question. Why does she think she cannot live without it?
Say to her," I want to understand. Please help me understand. What about the relationship was so important for you? What have you lost that is so very important to you? Will you talk to me about what you are thinking and feeling?"
This is your goal. Her grief, anger, fear, and emptiness are real and painful. Her loss is real; and living past the pain feels impossible to her. To help, you need to share her grief, her strong feelings, and her pain. It is as if you take part of it into yourself. The child cannot handle it by herself. But between the two of you, you can.
Here is how you tell if you are helping. Can you feel her loss, her emptiness, her grief, and her pain? Is it a little as if the feelings were yours? If so, it is empathy.
Don't tell her how she should think or feel. More important, don't say her feelings and how she thinks about what happened are wrong. Listen and feel until empathy comes for you. You can then honestly say, "I am afraid for you. I am afraid for me. Maybe I do not totally understand; but I feel awful and hurt as if it happened to me. I want to be close to you and help us get through this. Can I share your grief with you and struggle through it with you?" Holding or touching her physically may make her and you feel better; but holding her emotionally is the key to helping her.
- They became very embarrassed over something and cannot face it.
This sign begins to get at the main problem. Losing a relationship and feeling unable to live without it makes it seem like losing the relationship is the main problem. Thinking about her feeling unable to handle an embarrassment makes her pain more understandable. It has mostly to do with her loss or her fear of losing acceptance by other people. This idea needs more discussion.
An important part of the child's humanness is her connect...
The signs here are serious. Each one means the child needs professional help. As his foster parent, you will be asked to join him in his treatment. It is important for him for you to cooperate. Also, you will be given ideas about how to work with him at home. Be sure to follow the suggestions.
You will not find specific suggestions here about how to limit or control the child's behavior. For children with serious problems, this takes careful thought and a plan. Also, the plan has to be tailored to the individual child. What works for one child can make another child worse. This needs discussed with the child's caseworker to be sure you have the right plan for your foster child. There are no quick fixes.
Thinking about these signs will help you better understand the child and his problems. It also will help you see that, as his foster parent, your main job is to understand, be firm with him, and keep an open and gentle attitude toward him.
- They do not follow the rules or behave like most children do.
Your foster child might follow the family rules and do what other family members do. Still, family outsiders may find fault. Following "the rules" depends on which rules are to be followed and the value placed on following them. If they are important, the child will usually follow the rules, whether or not most people see doing so as good. Children do as they are taught.
- They do not accept the authority of foster parents, teachers, or others in charge.
Understanding this sign when you see it in your foster child can be hard. Why? There is a lot of difference between authority and power. Children learn to respect authority, people in authority, and learn to accept authority. This becomes a value. Power is different. It gets its importance from who is bigger and stronger. Power is something to fear; and people with power are to be feared.
How your foster child sees you, teachers, and other adults is important. Does she see you as people in authority or as people with power? She may say, "You can't make me do it." That is what she really means. "You cannot or will not use power to make me do it." She likely is right.
How can you respond to this? Say, "You are right. Even if I could make you do it, I won't. I will not treat you that way. I will help you learn it is better for you to do what I ask than to refuse. You can still refuse. Please do what I ask so we do not have to figure out what other choices we have."
- They behave in socially inappropriate ways.
Think about whether your foster child really knows the socially appropriate ways to behave. Remember, this takes time. Just telling him is not nearly enough. He needs to try, behave inappropriately, try again, and maybe do it wrong again. Like other children, he also will sometimes act badly even though he knows better. You are looking for successive approximation. This means he comes closer to what you want as time goes on. No one always behaves well. Your goal is only for him to act more appropriately more of the time.
- They use illegal drugs.
This is a very complicated problem. Think about it in terms of values: right and wrong, good and bad. Peer pressure is often a strong part of illegal drug use. The child gives in to peer pressure. From a value point of view, here is the idea. If the value of following the law, avoiding dangerous things, and doing what is right is stronger, the youngster says, "No." If not, peer pressure wins.
What was the child taught about following the law, using alcohol and drugs, and about what will be good for him in the long-term? He values what he was taught. Also, if he has been mistreated and got little respect, his struggle is up-hill. His stress is high and his self-esteem is low. His social skills are limited and his school success poor. It is hard for him to turn down something that might make him feel better and bring some social approval, even if it is not "good for him."
Your foster child's fit with you is not the only relationship she has that needs your help. She has relationships with other people in your family and with children and adults at school. She needs to get along with people in your neighborhood and in your community. Being able to get along with people may have more to do with her future success than anything else.
Here is the key. Because of abuse, neglect, or other bad life-experiences, foster children often have problems getting along with people. Maybe this comes up every day and maybe only once in a while. However often your foster child has problems, she needs your help.
Here are some signs of foster children having trouble getting along. Your concern and help with these problems are a start to a better life for them.
- They pout and are hard to live with.
All children have some way of handling it when they don't get their way. They have their own ways of reacting when things do not work out as they want. They have ways of dealing with a world they think is sometimes unfair.
Two of their choices are temper tantrums and pouting. Most children use one or the other of these once in a while. If you watch your foster child for a while, you likely will see that she uses one more than the other.
Just to be fair, answer this question. When you get angry or frustrated, are you more likely to pout or have a little temper tantrum? Now, if you had lived your foster child's life, would you feel angry and frustrated? If so, would you be more likely to pout about it or have a temper tantrum once in a while?
Take a minute to think about a foster child who neither pouts nor has temper tantrums. This can be much worse than either pouting or temper tantrums. Why? Because it often means the child is just accepting whatever happens. Even worse, she has gotten to where she no longer has any feelings about what happens to her. She does not care or thinks what she feels does not matter. This is a very bad sign.
What is your foster child doing when she pouts? She is angry, frustrated, or upset about something. She mainly feels angry. She does not talk about it or try to work out her problem. Instead, she pouts and makes it rough for other people.
What can you do? Think about what upset her. Maybe what happened was unfair or she really was treated badly. Either way, pouting about it is a problem.
Say, "I have thought about what happened. We can talk about it if you want to. Here is my problem right now. You have a right to feel how you feel but pouting about it is not your best choice. I think it would be better if you either got up and over it or at least talked about it. It is your choice. Here is what I am going to do. I am going to do nothing unless you choose to talk with me about it. You can pout or talk. It's your choice. If you choose to pout, please do it in your room." Now leave it alone. Her only choice is to behave more appropriately or be by herself.
- They are hateful and in a bad mood.
Everyone gets in a bad mood sometimes. Even so, it is not okay to take it out on everyone around. Instead, it is a good time to get better at managing thoughts, feelings, and relationships.
Managing feelings and relationships takes skills children mostly learn by example. Your foster child likely had bad examples set for him. Also, he can bottle-up his anger about what happened to him. It then can easily come spilling out. It may not take much to set him off.
The point is this. Your foster child may have more than a little reason to be in a bad mood and hateful. He needs extra tolerance and patience. More than the usual amount of sensitivity and understanding from you are in order for him.
Here is something that usually helps. Leave his bad mood alone at first. Offer to talk with him about his bad feelings. But don't make a big deal out of cheering him up. He will be happier when he is happier.
Deal only with his hatefulness. It usually comes off as cutting remarks,
Learning is not simple. There are three important areas you need to think about. First, your foster child's abilities are where learning starts. Some children learn easier than others. However easily your foster child learns, he learns some things more easily than other things. Some assignments and subjects are easier and others are harder. Even if he is a very good learner, learning is hard work at times.
Next, his attitude is important. Does he want to learn? Is he willing to do what he needs to do to get the job done? It comes down to this. Does he think he is important enough to work at it? Is his future important enough to him to bother learning? Learning takes self-discipline and hard work. It also takes an attitude that says, "I am important enough to do what I have to do."
Third, your foster child needs learning skills. Some of these skills help him pay attention and study. Some help him listen and try to understand. Others help him cooperate. Still others help him follow the rules. He also learns about what adults expect and about the rights of others. If your foster child has problems learning, look at his abilities, attitudes, and behavior.
How do you think foster children fare with school and learning? Some do better than others. Still, they have more than their share of learning problems. Understanding this will help you as you think about your foster child. Here are some signs of learning and school problems. They will help you develop a learning plan for your foster child.
- They often have trouble making choices and decisions.
How many choices and decisions does your foster child make in a day? When you stop to think about it, there are a lot. He decides whether to brush his teeth and what clothes to wear to school. His choices include when to talk or stay quiet. He decides who he will hang around with and who he will avoid. Does what his teacher is saying make any difference to him? Will he get even with whoever he thinks got into his stuff? Almost everything in his day requires decisions and choices.
Most signs of school and learning problems have choices and decisions as an ingredient. Give this some thought. Has he had a chance to learn what he needs to know? This does not have much to do with whether he can learn.
Homework is a good example. Greg is twelve and in the sixth grade. He is not doing his homework. Is he lazy? Is he being difficult? Is he not doing it because he does not know how? Is it because he does not have a good place to do it? These are important questions but are not the place to start.
Has Greg had a chance to learn to do his homework? Has he decided it is important? Can he choose a good place and time to do it? Has he learned how to start? Doing homework requires many choices and decisions. It is not common sense or something a child just knows. It is a mix of skills he has to learn before he has them.
Think about problems your foster child is having. Is she having trouble with homework? Does she have problems with other children? Is it a hassle to get her to brush her teeth? Does she have problems listening and paying attention?
What choices and decisions does she have to make? If she made better choices and decisions, would the problem go away? If so, this sign needs your attention.
Especially for foster children, making good choices and decisions may be very hard. Their lives have not taught them much about making decisions. It is not easy for them to learn, make mistakes, and learn from their mistakes.
The point is this. First help the child learn what to do and how to do it. It is not fair to insist he do it until he knows how. Children do what they know how to do. If there is a problem, they likely do not know how.
This is true for making good choices and decisions. If the child makes bad choices, he likely does not know how to make good ones. Start by teaching him how to decide. Help him understand why it is important.
What is self-esteem? It is who children think they are. You can see it in how they treat themselves. It is there when they feel valued and important. It is missing when they feel unworthy or put themselves down.
Self-esteem can be high or low. When children think they are important and valued, their self-esteem is high. When they feel good about themselves, are comfortable with who they are, and like themselves, their self-esteem is high. When they treat themselves with respect and avoid doing things that are not good for them, their self-esteem is high.
What is low self-esteem? Children have bad thoughts about themselves. They do not think they are worthwhile people who will be successful. They do not feel good about who they are. This makes them sad and angry. They do not take care of themselves and they do things that are not good for them.
Here is the important part. Children have good days and bad days. Sometimes their self-esteem is higher and sometimes lower. It depends on how things are going for them at the time. Low self-esteem is only a serious problem if your foster child gets extremely down on himself. More so if he is down on himself most of the time.
Here is the main problem. Abuse and neglect are killers when it comes to self-esteem. Foster children have low self-esteem. It is as simple and as tragic as that. It may be harder to see in younger children but is hard to miss in older foster children. Keep this in mind as you think about these signs of low self-esteem.
- They worry and fret about not doing things well enough and about failing.
Foster parents often think about this sign as a problem with school and school work. Children get nervous and upset about tests, homework, and sometimes about going to school. The problem is they think they will fail even when there is no reason for them to worry. They don't do their homework, will not participate in class, and do not risk failure. Sometimes a child with self-esteem problems will do her homework but not turn it in. The risk of teachers and parents getting upset is not as bad as failing.
Self-esteem problems can get worse. The young person worries and frets about not looking good enough and may even think she looks weird. She may avoid her friends because she is afraid of being embarrassed. She may think she will fail socially, if she is not already a social failure. New people and activities are always a problem because she does not know what new ways there might be to embarrass herself or to fail. She figures almost anything or anyone may be a new chance for her to "screw up."
What is going on with your foster child? It is one of those things that is so obvious you can completely overlook it. Yes, it has to do with how the youngster thinks about and feels about herself. Here is her real problem. It has to do with how she thinks others feel about her. The problem is how she thinks they will react to her. She believes she will not be accepted. Children with low self-esteem think people do not like them. They do not think they will ever be accepted.
Is a child with low self-esteem worrying and fretting about not doing well and about failing? Yes; but more to the point, she worries more about ridicule, rejection, and angry reactions. If this were not bad enough, she knows it would be still worse to just be ignored.
A couple things will help. Problems with low self-esteem are very stressful for children. For example, worrying and fretting once in a while about failing is not that big a deal. All children do this sometimes. The problem for foster children is that they often feel like this. Their stress is severe. When you see the sign a lot in your foster child, look for signs of stress. Handle them as discussed in the last section.
When the child is working on something or thinking about doing something, don't say things like, "Don't worry. You'll do fine. You are getting upset over nothing." This only says to her you do not understand how upset ...
Stress is usually not much of a problem for children. At times, a little stress is good for them and keeps them sharp. Young people can normally think things through and figure them out for themselves. They can usually handle their feelings whether they are feeling good or not. They can do what they need to do. They have some stress but handle it fine.
Children can have more stress than they can handle. Foster children almost always have too much stress. When they do, you see signs their stress is getting to them. Here are some typical signs.
- They are restless and have trouble calming down.
Children can be restless and unable to calm down when they are just full of energy. They are only being very active. It is really hard to sit still, stand still, or be still. Their problem is not stress, it is having to be calm and quiet.
School and the dinner table are good examples. The only stress is adults who expect them to quit fooling around. The children are just being children. The adults are the ones with the stress.
This is the real problem. When restlessness and trouble calming down are because of stress, it does not feel good. The young person is having thoughts and feelings that are keeping him upset. He is confused and feels afraid, angry, and frustrated at the same time. He cannot manage these thoughts and feelings very well and is up-tight and uneasy.
If you see this sign in your foster child, here is what to do. Think about whether the child has a problem or you have a problem coping with his energy and normal behavior. If the problem is yours, tell him about your problem. "I want to talk with you about slowing down and settling down a little, especially at dinner and when we are having quiet time in the evening. You are too rambunctious; and I find it hard to handle."
If you think the child is restless and having trouble calming down because of stress, first give him a little more space. Be a little more patient and tolerant. Say, "I can tell you have a lot on your mind. I will give you as much time and space as you need to work it out. If you want to talk, I'm here for you."
If he does not get more relaxed in a few days, get a little more insistent. Say, "Whatever you are struggling with seems like a big problem for you. I cannot tell whether you are winning or the stress is winning. It's time to talk. Let me help. I know the two of us can handle any problem better than either of us by ourselves. Can we talk?"
If he refuses to talk, keep trying. Not right then but from time-to-time and at least once a day. Don't get frustrated and up-tight just because he will not talk to you. Helping a youngster with stress can be stressful. Be a good example of how to manage stress.
- They have trouble concentrating and paying attention.
This sign of stress is a lot like restlessness and trouble calming down; but it is more of a problem for the youngster. Some children (about 1 in 30) have a condition called Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder or ADHD. These young people have abnormal problems concentrating and paying attention. Although this probably is not your foster child's problem, make it your first idea. Why? If the child has ADHD, he can do nothing about it by himself. Only a physician or psychologist can diagnose it for sure. It then needs managed medically, behaviorally, and through special teaching and learning techniques. The child cannot handle ADHD without help.
At home and school, problems concentrating and paying attention often are read wrong by adults. They read them as daydreaming and not paying attention. A parent or teacher might say, "She spends all her time daydreaming, not paying attention, fooling around, and wasting time." When misread this way, a stress problem can get overlooked. If this happens, the child is more likely to be punished than helped.
Also think about this. Have you ever had to be somewhere that was uninteresting, boring, and no fun? What if it were even worse?
Being a foster parent can be a delightful and satisfying adventure and will definitely be a difficult challenge that requires your full attention and patience. Even so and if your heart is truly into the adventure, it can be wonderful for both you and your foster child. There are many aspects to being a foster parent; but for now, let's think a while together about a few of the behavior and adjustment concerns that may develop while the child is with you.
Your foster child comes to your home with her strong points and special problems. It is hard for any child to adjust to a new family; but for your foster child, it is extra tough. If her past family experiences had been positive and healthy, being her foster parent would be fairly easy. Loving her and giving her a chance to live in your home would be enough. It is sad but true that love and a good home are not enough for her.
Your foster child is with you because she (or he) could not stay where she was. Maybe she was abused. She may have been neglected. There might have been other problems that made it impossible for her to stay with her family. Whatever happened, she was not safe, happy, and getting her needs met. She now has more problems than most children.
Learning about her special problems is your first step. You will love her, care about her, and encourage her. That's just the way you are. At your home, she also can count on help with her problems, whatever they are. She will get what she needs, whatever it takes.
Let's think about children who are abused and neglected. Abuse and neglect cause lifelong problems. Being mistreated hurts children in ways you can see and in ways you cannot see. They suffer at the time and will have problems at later life-stages. Although the harm done may not be easy to see, it is there.
Here are some things that make it more likely a child will be abused or neglected. For each, think about why it makes abuse and neglect more likely.
For example, a child's being under three-years-old makes abuse more likely.
Why would a baby be more likely to be abused than a twelve-year-old?
Another example may help. Child abuse is more likely in families where an adult abuses alcohol or drugs.
Why are children in homes where someone abuses alcohol or drugs more likely to be abused?
Here are some conditions that increase the likelihood of abuse or neglect. What's your take on why these children have a higher risk of abuse and neglect?
• Child is under three-years-old.
• Child is hard to love.
• Child was abused before.
• Parent was abused as a child.
• Signs of abuse you can see such as bruises, burns, scars, broken bones, or broken teeth.
• Alcohol or drug abuse in the family.
• Child is aggressive or destructive.
• Child does not care if someone gets hurt or gets upset.
• Child is very cautious and uneasy around adults.
• Child gets almost no attention from parents.
• Parents are not consistent about what they expect from the child.
• Child is very withdrawn or quite passive around people.
• Child has a handicap or disability.
• Child is very hard to manage.
• There is a lot of family stress.
• People in the home are violent or hurting each other.
• Family is cut off from other people and does not have a support system or people who will help.
Now that you have thought about things that make it more likely for a child to be abused or neglected, think next about those children who have already been abused or neglected. Here are some problems children have after they are abused or neglected. How do you think abuse and neglect cause these problems?
• Slow physical development.
• Slow development of language skills.
• Slow social and emotional development.
• Learning problems.
• Poor coordination.
• Problems getting along with other children.
Next, you can quickly check to see if your foster child is having significant behavior and adjustment problems. Here's how.
Does the youngster seem to be getting along well or...
In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast, you learn everything you need to know about negotiation at home, at work, or wherever you are when the time comes to make a deal. The skills you will develop will facilitate your being more effectively assertive, being a better problem solver, and being a better conflict manager. Developing the skills is sometimes tedious and requires a lot of practice. The payoff is both substantial and positive though.
At first, it will be useful to move through the negotiation process in a step-by-step manner. With practice and experience, you will gradually get to a point where effective negotiating is second nature to you and is not something that requires a lot of detailed activity. At first though, it is important to develop a negotiating plan and to seek out opportunities to practice. It is a little like learning to play the piano. Learning how is tedious and time consuming. Being able to play well however, is a very satisfying thing indeed.
PRELIMINARY ACTIVITIES
What do you want that I have, control, or can do? As odd as it may seem, this is frequently the step that inexperienced negotiators leave out. Very specifically, what do you want that I have? Here, we are talking about things, about concrete and tangible objects. What do you want that I control? Here we are talking about opportunities, resources, time, or other less tangible “things.” What do you want me to do that I can do? Here, it is important to think in terms of things that anyone with my skills, in my position, and with my resources “can do.” In very specific terms, what do you want from me?
With “it” referring to what you want, can I actually give it to you? This is another point that amateur negotiators frequently overlook. What they want is something that the other person cannot as a matter of individual choice, give to them. Perhaps other people are involved, maybe it is not something that the individual has the right or authority to simply give away, perhaps it is not something that the person can actually do, or maybe there are other factors that have to be taken into consideration other than simply deciding to give it to you. Under these conditions, simply negotiating with you is not enough, since I cannot simply give you what you want. Be sure that your negotiations are directed to the individual or people who can give it to you. Who all do you need to include in the negotiations? You should not leave anyone out.
Assuming I can give you what you want, under what conditions do you think I can give it to you? If you believe that I will simply give it to you without conditions, there is nothing about which to negotiate. Simply ask me and I will give it to you. Here though, let’s assume that you think I will give it to you under some conditions. In specific terms, what are those conditions?
Under what conditions will you accept it – accept what you want – assuming I am willing to give it to you? Yes, you undoubtedly have conditions. Suppose you want to use my car for a week while yours is in the shop. It is my car, and I can let you use it. You think I will let you use it if you agree to take good care of it, bring it back with a full tank of gas, and you pay my bus fare for the week. Suppose my conditions are a little different however. I agree to let you use my car for one week if you agree to make my car payments for one year. You will undoubtedly say, “No way.” The point is that you do have conditions. Under what conditions will you accept what you want if I give it to you?
NEGOTIATING FOCUS
A successful negotiation is a conditional transaction. We do business under certain conditions. If you are still in the game to this point, you have a clear statement of what you want, a set of conditions that you think I will have in doing business, and your conditions for doing business. Make a chart with two columns with the left column including a list of your conditions and the...
The podcast team reminds us that they have no shortage of advice and no reluctance to share it with us. The bonus is Kevin's delight at the end. It's worth a listen all by itself.
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In this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, we revisit a couple of those frustrating types who specialize in driving us up the wall. Their perspective is that it is always about them; and our opinion only counts if it agrees with theirs. You know the type. Listen and be reminded so you never forget.
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There is no need for a great intro. I think you will get the point. We keep hoping for better and the game goes on.
In this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, I revisit an episode with a little remixing and a smile. We are reminded that thinking is just too hard so we might as well cross it off as an unproductive use of our time. We best just let others do our thinking so we have more time just to fool around. The episode shares a couple of additional thoughts but there goes that thinking thing again. If you want to take a chance, please listen and see if the podcast team has anything worth thinking about.
I was listening to a podcast that mentioned the great tax cut of 2018. I’m thinking that it hasn’t made much difference for me so wondered if others have had better luck. I also came across an episode from Audio Tidbits Podcast about the pending tax cut and my speculation about its benefit for me. That leads me to the question, “How has it worked out for you?” Let’s think about that together.
It’s not altogether true that respect isn’t optional, at least for some people. For you though, respecting some folks and not others, being respectful only now and then are never options. Why? Please listen and see if you agree.