Tiny Pictures: Recent Episodes
Frankensound
This episode is greatly inspired by this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHZ48AE3TOI
Paraphrasing Yngwie Malmsteen…
You tell me something
that you perceive to be true
in good faith
for it is obvious to you
that I don't know
"Less" you say, "is more"
But how can less be more?
What form
of alien math
do you practice
to make this calculation?
For it makes no sense.
Only more is more, you fool
and one plus that
must always be
one more.
If less was more
A farmer might plant less seed
and grow more crops next season
or perhaps the heat of the fire
would be less
by adding more coals
So less can never be more
Unless by less
you mean to add
another special ingredient
which was not there before
In which case,
it's still more.
If less was more
A fisherman
might put less bait on a hook,
and expect to catch more fish
or maybe then he could just
throw away the fishing line altogether
and catch more fish
with his bare hands.
Then again, why even have hands?
He'll catch more fish if you chop his hands off.
But why then keep his arms? and so on.
So you see, eventually you are left
without even a person!
This philosophy
can only lead to nothing
And we all know, of course
that there is something,
even if we're unsure
of exactly what that is.
So less, can never be more
Only more is more
How can less by fucking more? you idiots.
I want to make a show for the Fringe Festival
With live theatre, but quite comedic
It will involve hand puppets
and some animatronics
It's also about sustainability
but not too woke
I want to make a show for the Fringe Festival
about electronic circuits
with contemporary dance.
There'll be some cool video projections
and an explosive door prize
entry is just 5 bucks
I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
with maybe, a bit of magic and a few surprises
Instead of a rabbit coming out of a hat,
it's a koala!
And the audience sits in the trees
while the performers build a fire
But I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
with a live band
and a sword-swallowing amputee
Picture belly dancers with reptiles
while members of the audience
recite anonymous stories
of disastrous first dates
Then, I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
A kind of, burlesque science fiction
Dinner will be served on vinyl records
And there’s an upside-down DJ
and a children’s choir
live streamed, of course
But I really want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
with a naked lady covered in glitter,
who makes love to a transgender sex worker,
on James St,
in a box made of mirrors.
If buildings could speak
they'd have much to say
about their creaky concrete bones
and how sore they are
from the weight
of all the things
that happen inside them
They have so many belly aches
from mountains of documents
still in filing cabinets
and computer systems
and furniture
and floor coverings
and wall hangings
They'd probably tell you about the migraines
from all the footstepsthrough hallways
and talking
and shuffling
and coffee brewing
and business making
Maybe they'd be worried about the future
as their lungs filled up with stale air
through dirty air conditioner filters
and old machines with noisy fans
and stale cookingand breathing
Still, mostly at night
the buildings go to sleep
and sometimes, they dream
dream that they could speak
and for once, only in their dreams
everyone would listen
and understand their important musings
if buildings could speak
The quantum computer is coming
They're just trying to make
those little qubit things
immune to interference
from the big world
Because when the big world leaks in
the qubits stop working
and the solutions
are all wrong
Once they work out an answer
to this problem
they'll be able to calculate
bigger numbers
than we ever imagined
The big world
Is like the real world
The one that you and I can see
It's just a problem
That it keeps leaking in
to the little one
It makes that little qubit
sound a bit like
a nice dream
that you're fighting to stay inside
on the verge of waking up
and when you do wake up
you may be sad
because you can't fly
you don't have 600 million dollars
and the cat you tried putting in a box
with some radioactive material
is still dead
But recently, they discovered something else
Those little qubit things
Don't need to be completely isolated
from the big world
Because they can correct for the errors later
But even then,
there's a problem
The quantum computer
can calculate
so much information
that there is no computer
big enough
to test if the answer
Is correct
So as you can see
it's nice to dream
but there's really no point
in building a quantum computer
thank you
If only the way forward was clear
instead, it's like watching a movie
on a faulty monitor screen
that keeps flashing on and off
If only the way forward was clear
but it's like walking through a storm
and the wind is blowing you backwards
while the rain stings your face
If only the way forward was clear
but it's like trying to see a beautiful body
through glass bricks
in a bathroom
if only the way forward, could be clear
but it's like trying to play a game
that no-one ever taught you
where the rules are always changing
If only the way forward was clear
there'd be a sign, pointing clearly
in one direction
instead of spinning in the wind
If only the way forward was clear
there'd be trails of bodies
on the paths that shouldn't be taken
piling up and blocking the way
If only the way forward was clear
then the world wouldn't sound like an orchestra
forever tuning their instrumentswhile the first note of the concert is never played
(move forward
take a couple of steps
turn right
take two steps forward again
turn left)
If only the way forward was clear
but it's like someone whispering directions
in your left ear
while another voice recites poetry in your right
If only the way forward was clear...
The vibration began in Jesus' pocket
It wouldn't normally be a problem
but Jesus was in the middle of a live stream
with his iPhone connected to his AirPods
Unfortunately, there was a bug in the software
which sent the vibrating and buzzing
over the top of his audible address
to millions of his fans and followers
Meanwhile, Kanye had joined the room
and was also live on the voice channel
along with Taylor Swift, who was already there
She's always been a big fan of Jesus
The buzzing didn't stop
Indeed, it only got louder across the airwaves
awakening in Kanye a certain sense of artistic absurdism
He began to repeat the phrase 'doo doo dum dum?'
The pitch went up at the end like that
apparently signifying a question
He kept saying it, over and over
while the buzzing continued
'doo doo dum dum?'
Taylor started giggling
and whispered a question to Jesus
with imitation tears
'Jesus, what are you trying to say to us?'
Jesus knew that this entire live stream
was compromised
He couldn't work out how to stop the buzzing
which was still growing louder
And Kanye continued, 'doo doo dum dum?'
Jesus replied to Taylor with as much authority as he could manage
aided by turning up the reverb on his console 'I don't know'
The words echoed around the globe
For some followers this was all too much
and they tuned out
Others waited
to see what would happen next
'doo doo dum dum?'
Thousands of trolls were now typing into the live chat window
insensitive comments and hurtful remarks
however true, difficult to read
for the small number of true followers left
But none of this had any effect on Jesus
He had removed his headphones
and was no longer listening, to anyone
He's been missing ever since
Did you hear what Elon's up to?
He wants to plug our brains
directly into computers
so we don't have to wait so long
when we Google something
He's also going to send some of us into space
He's already launched a car up there
It's still flying around the sun
It has travelled further than any other car
in the history of cars
Elon, his name even sounds like a planet
Did you hear what he did in South Australia
when they had problems with their power infrastructure?
He made them a big battery, the biggest ever.
Did you hear what Elon said about Lidar?
Lidar is like radar for self-driving cars
But Elon worked out you don't even need it
Because you can do it all with regular cameras
Huh
Did you see Elon on Joe Rogan
when he smoked that joint?
He didn't even get high
I guess because he's already such a space man
or maybe just because he bumsucked
What about Elon's tunnel drilling company?
It's called the 'Boring' company
which some people might say is ironic
But it's not really
When Elon's Cybertruck got a broken window at the product launch
It could've been a PR disaster
Instead, a toy company made a remote control version
With a cracked window decal
and everyone had a laugh
Also, you know
that project you're working on
Do you know what Elon would do?
He'd strip it right back
to first principles
You might get a little frustrated
because you thought you were almost there, almost finished
But Elon would explain that you didn't think it through hard enough yet
You didn't really break it down
into first principles
like he would
In a strange way,
Elon can see into the future
But that's hardly surprising really
because he's making the future
Thanks Elon.
music and prose by Roly Skender
I arrive at the palace by bus
The Queen and I are getting on surprisingly well
She’s dressed elegantly in red
In the giant hall
we dance beneath chandeliers
and cameras flash around us
Family, dignitaries and the press watch on
We talk about history and philosophy
She confides in me some little-known annoyances,
that she experiences in her role as monarch
It’s a job in which, she discloses,
she does her best
She’s so easy to talk to
Then, mid-conversation, she reaches down
and grabs hold of my genitals
I push her hand away and say ‘that’s not why I’m here’
but I don’t really know why I’m here
Her strength is surprising
With knees bent, I push her wrist away from my crotch
We eventually drop to the floor together
I apologise
Men arrive to take her away from me,
but she breaks free of them and rushes towards me
This time I catch the force of her underarm grab
with both hands at her forearm
and the force is re-directed
I remain in a broad, bent-knee stance
as my feet slide backwards across the dance floor
I narrowly avoid contact with a table of canapes
Quite suddenly, it’s time to leave
But I enjoyed dancing
with the queen
Guitar by Roly Skender
Cool Vibes by Kevin MacLeod https://incompetech.com/ Promoted by MrSnooze https://youtu.be/iYOvAO1rAM0 License: CC BY 3.0 https://goo.gl/Yibru5
This tiger king
What's the deal?
A story of arseholes
somehow spreading across the globe
like a virus
Is it any surprise,watching caged animals
from cages
of our own?
So I've been listening to jazz
The soft, detective kind
and thinking up tropes
about bad guys
there's the bad guy in a bar
The new bad guy that you start rooting for
because he's now fucking over the original bad guy
The bad guy that starts off good
The bad guy with a weakness
Usually in the form of a female child
for whom he is also the protector
the bad guy that keeps coming back
the bad guy that plays pool
the bad guy that tricks you
the bad guy whose dad was a bad guy
the bad guy that eats people
and the bad guy that's a nihilist
Netflix shares are up
the rest is a bloodbath
and somehow
we know it's for the best
Because the Tiger King is on TVHe can teach you
how to lie to yourself
so you don't have to feel the pain
Only in America
But beware of false prophets
copycats, with mullets
looking for their own throne
and a kingdom to rule
My shadow
he walks close to me
Sometimes I tell him
'hey! hang back a little'
but he likes to be right by my side.
I think it gives him a sense of control,
even though, if it wasn't for me
he wouldn't even be there
For the most part,
I just ignore him
and nobody else seems to notice
that he's even there
My shadow
he walks close to me
He'll whisper in my ear from time to time
and say things, that (if it was anyone else)
could be taken the wrong way
I guess he thinks
we've known each other so long
that it's better to get to the point
without wasting time
and he's just being honest
My shadow, can't hear very well
(maybe because he doesn't have ears)
so I'll tell you...
In truth, if he could have his own way
he'd want the whole world
to be as dark as he is.
He always wants to lie down
with the lights off
and the curtains closed
as if the world outside
isn't there
He doesn't care.
He won't talk to anyone except me
He doesn't like people
He doesn't even like food that much
But we do chat sometimes
He tells me about the amazing scale
of the universe
and how nothing really matters in the end
I can kind of see where he's coming from
My shadow
he walks close to me
Luckily, when I'm smiling
he can't see
Music - Franz Liszt: 3 Concert Etudes S.144, R5
I read some of my old writing
It was awful
It was in a green duffel bag
which hadn't been unzipped for 20 years
The other night, I found it again.
As soon as I saw the striped blue book cover
I knew what to expect
and braced myself...
I opened the book
and the words flew out
from the page
at my face
like bats
They tried to scratch my eyes out
get inside my mouth
and re-form themselves
The struggle left me exhausted
with blood dripping down my cheek
So I tore the book to pieces
and screwed up the pages
and poured lighter fluid on them
in a metal bin
Ready to set it all ablaze,
something changed my mind
A split-second decision
to save something,
even just a couple of lines
But as I reached down to grab the papers
the top of the lighter
made contact with the edge of the bin
Something sparked
The whole thing ignited
and my arm was on fire
Eventually, I managed to pat it out
with the curtain
and the bin was still on fire
and that awful writing
was gone
In difficult, unpredictable times
it's easy to forget
how good,
a fresh pair of undies
can make you feel
Fresh undies are soft
They sit against your skin,
so gently
It's as if you're not even wearing them
And a fresh pair of undies
doesn't judge you
or ask you to cough
in another direction
or give you any concern
about things you can't see
Quite the opposite...
Fresh undies just sit with you
through the noise
They give you nothing but comfort
and ask for little in return
There are clues everywhere
As to the importance of fresh undies
Phrases like "it's what's underneath that matters",
or "if you scratch beneath the surface, you'll find she's really a nice person"
Fresh undies are like starting the day
from first principles
Elon Musk probably wears fresh undies
What a great metaphor they are
for a new beginning
Fresh undies can bring
a little bit of hope into the world
And give you a quiet confidence
They also have certain 'secret' powers
related to the placebo effect
and have sometimes, even been known
to cure depression
Take that old pair of undies you're wearing
How sad they are...
Will they make you feel special this morning?
Or are they are a signifier
of something you've almost forgotten
Be nice to yourself
Because in difficult, unpredictable times
It's easy to forget
how good,
a fresh pair of undies
can make you feel
There's really no feeling that compares
to fresh undies
Thanks for listening
Noire #1 by Music By Pedro https://goo.gl/sJT2e8
Promoted by MrSnooze https://youtu.be/iYOvAO1rAM0
Castbox Detective
Digging below the surface
exposing the truth.
Exhibit A: Jake Schaper
ID: 1184636
United States
Last seen 'parking' in a 32 hour Livecast
by Kira
About me assigned 'He is a Castbox member'
An individual with no community posts
0 followers
but 2 fans
Naomi Marriot
and Hunter Phoenix
Livecast regulars may remember the former,
an English lady with an apparent learning disability
who was often 'looked out for' by members of the community
and sometimes mocked, for being a fake account
She hasn't been seen for some time
Hunter Phoenix meanwhile has 6 fans
Two of which, are Naomi Marriott
Search results for Jake Schaper reveal
A football player
A youtube game streamer
with 115 subscribers
There's also a 'Failure Analysis Engineer'
A student, and an MMA fighter
Jake Schaper's one and only photograph
is a man in a blue shirt, behind his son
at an ice hockey game
He's holding up a fist and the kid is giving a 'V' sign
What does it mean?
What does it matter?
It's just another Livecast dead end
Castbox Detective assigns
Jake Schaper
Fake Account
The audiophile is a salesman
In a moment, he sees me
down at the 'low end' of things
with $200 headphones
$4000 headphones
'what's the difference?' he says,
and whispers, 'Most people won't even hear it'
His tone tickles my ear
He acknowledges me
as if he and I
are in the same tribe
Brothers, connected
We are both
appreciators of nuance
Understanding of the complicated
true nature
of high end audio
The audiophile wants to take me on a journey.
Or at least start me off
on a journey of my own, when I'm ready
How far might I travel with his assistance?
Maybe, all the way.
He tells me I may not notice it at first.
But over time, my ears will begin to hear
Hear the difference
between vacuum tube and transistor
copper and gold
Science and pseudo-science
Remember, it's a journey
But he can tell I'm not ready
Not ready to commit
to take this journey with him
not all the way, not yet
So he treads gently...
We listen to a recording of solo spanish guitar
Through $22,000 dollar speakers
The audiophile asks, 'can you feel him sitting here, in the room with us?'I reply yes... yes
On the verge of conversion
It occurs to me
Maybe I've been missing something
This journey, is a one-way trip
Connected to a part of the brain
much deeper than the ear
The audiophile's intensity increases
Sensing my weakness, he pounces...
but too soon, for I've already found my escape
This technology, it's not about the sound
It's just something in the way
that it tickles your ears.
And some people like having their ears tickled
Advice for Songwriters
You can't write a song
In a comfortable, air-conditioned room
With plenty of time on your hands
You can't write a song
In a happy relationship
Or in a rainforest,
with friends you love
Because you can't write a song
When you're happy, and everything is going your way
Or when you've just won an award...
Even if it's an award for songwriting
By the way I just bought a vinyl record
of Beethoven,
played by the Berlin Philharmonic
for one dollar
That's what you're up against
You can't write a song
Sucking on a menthol
Or chewing gum
Or if you just brushed your teeth
You can't write a song
At your parents house
Unless they abused you
And they're not there
And you still hate them for it
You can't write a song
When you're getting paid good money
Or when you've just bought a new car
Or after listening
To an inspiring Ted talk
You can't write a song
At a music festival
Or on a holiday
Or in a swimming pool
You can't even write a song
When you paid for your own whiskey
Or if it's your birthday
Or if there's a rainbow in the sky
Strangely, you can write a song
When you've given up on writing songs
Or when you're meant to be doing something else
Or when you walked home from the party because you were too stoned
and you got bitten by a dog
You can write a song
in the in-between spaces
Like when you've run out of time
because you need to be somewhere else
Or when you're just jealous as fuck
Because someone did it better than you
With that in mind
Take no notice of these instructions
They are a ruse
Because the world doesn't need any more songs
We have enough already
Thank you.
Somewhere out in space, there's a ladder
If you climb all the way up, you can look down,
not just on the earth, or even the solar system,
but the whole galaxy
It's very high up there
But of course, directions like up or down
don't mean the same thing,
when you're in space
Staring back at the spiral arms of the milky way, you notice the whole structure is vibrating
And shimmering with a beautiful, silver glow
It feels good to be outside of the earth for a change
Because all the things you worried about there, are so far away
In the distance, you notice an object coming towards you
It looks a bit like a cloud
You realise instinctively,
this is your personal transport to the next level
Stepping aboard the space cloud
You can barely imagine what the next level will be like
Luckily, it doesn't take long to reach your destination
Of course, time works a little differently too
When you're in space
On arrival, your cloud ship dissipates
And before you lies the wonder of the whole universe
You expected it to look a lot more like a sponge, or a giant network of cobwebs
However, this universe is nothing like you imagined
There's a fireplace, a shaggy brown rug and a recliner chair facing away from you
On a small coffee table next to the recliner
is an old pipe, still smouldering
You walk towards the chair to find that it's empty,
which is the exact moment that you suddenly understand
everything there is to understand, in the entire universe
Then you disappear, and forget everything... again
There's a little man inside my head
He's in charge of the engine
He runs on just 10 watts!
He's changing gears all the time
Making sure I wake up… and sleep
Mostly I don't even know he's there
Sometimes I wonder what he gets up to, when I'm not paying attention
This little man inside my head
He keeps the whole system in balance
And he runs on just 10 watts!
When I forget things, sometimes, he reminds me
If the engine gets stuck in a loop, he'll try and shut it down for a little while
Occasionally, he heads towards the front and looks out the window
Depending on what's out there, he might tell me to keep quiet, and don't say that thing which was balancing on the tip of my tongue
The little man inside my head
He gets tired sometimes
Tired of telling me the same thing, over and over
Sometimes I feel, like… I'm disappointing him
But he tells me it doesn't matter
Because it's too late
It's too late