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In this episode, I talk about 4 possible issues with the Telepathy Tapes podcast AND share a great resource for further reading. I hope I've offered a more nuanced look at the Telepathy Tapes podcast in this episode (which is the 3rd in what has become my Autism and Psychic Abilities series) than I did in my previous episodes!

The first two episodes are:

1. Autism and Psychic Experience EP 10 (#1 in series)
2. Autistic Traits and Psychic Abilities EP 11 (#2 in series)

The resource I mentioned in the podcast is:

SarahCook.substack.com/p/for-the-birds-radical-empathy

This is an excellent article and a really good Substack to follow.

You can also follow my Substack if you're so inclined at:

BarbaraGraver.substack.com

If you like my content, please follow the podcast!

Full transcript follows. If you need closed captioning (or the transcript is cut off), please listen via the podbean app or at AutisticPOV.com (https://www.autisticpov.com/).

Full Transcript for EP 120:01Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graver and I started this podcast to share a bit of my journey as a late diagnosed autistic. Hey everybody, this is Barbara Graver. Thank you for joining me today on Autistic POV. This is our third episode in what has kind of become a series on psychic ability.0:31I recorded episode one after I discovered the telepathy tapes far later than everybody else on the internet, and we'll talk a bit about that. And then I recorded episode two once I learned a little bit more about the podcast. And I talked about a lot of other things in these episodes. I talked about0:49my own experiences and I talked about parapsychology and a little bit about the ruling scientific paradigm in our society. But I talked about the telepathy tapes a lot too. And so I wanted to speak just a little bit on that in this episode because when I did the first episode, I was really excited to discover the podcast.1:12And then when I did the second episode and I was a little more aware of some of the controversy around it, I was a little more dialed back. But if you're not familiar with the podcast, it's a podcast about telepathy. and in it they feature several different non-speaking autistic individuals who are demonstrating telepathic abilities.1:35And it's really compelling, compelling podcast, but a lot of people have had a problem with it. And looking at it a little more critically than I maybe did initially, I could appreciate that. I think there are a few issues around it. So I wanted to just kind of share my take on that.1:52And I think the one problem is that we have a very materialistic mindset. There's a lot of prejudice against anything that is in any way immaterial, non-local, psychic. That's always, always, always going to be challenged. So talked about that, I think, in the first episode. I'll link to all of them. Number two,2:16which I talked about in the second episode in this series, I think there's just kind of a general disregard for the lived experience of autistic people. That's very pervasive in our society. So that's another issue that has played a part in generating controversy around this podcast. Number three,2:35I think that some people have raised concerns about the potential for exploitation and of non-speaking autistics and their families. And I think that's valid. I think that's something that's worth discussing. And also there is a lot of confusion around augmented and alternative communication and facilitated communication, which is somewhat different.2:58So there are a lot of things that kind of come into play. And this All of this was a lot for me to take on. I'm not sure I would have taken it on if I'd realized how much there was to it. But I am glad I did.3:12I'm glad I did because exploring this helped me increase my understanding of autism as a spectrum, which I think I'll talk about a little more in the next episode. It helped me kind of come to terms with some of my own experience. It helped me organize my thoughts.3:29But I was a little bit all over the place when I did it. So kind of want to try to sum it up a little. As far as the first and second points, the scientific community and the prejudice against the lived experience of autistic people, I think I've discussed that enough. Number four,3:47talking about augmented and assisted communication, I think it's absolutely valid, but not everyone understands it. And more relevantly, the more variables you put into research and the more complex it becomes. And when you're trying to research anything to do with psi, telepathy, precognition, clairvoyance, whatever it may be,4:11it's already difficult and it's already going to be challenged like crazy. So having that extra variable of the communication devices does make this more complex, definitely. So those are the four things I kind of see with issues with the podcast. However, I don't mean to say that I discount it. I found it very convincing.4:37I found it very convincing and it spoke to me in a a different way to look at the spectrum and it validated some of my own experience and it just it made me aware of things that I wasn't really aware of before but I4:59did want to say I understand that there are issues around it and I understand why and I wanted to speak just a little bit about my third point about exploitation and And to me, there is a potential for exploitation with this. I read a book by William Stillman, which was called Autism and the God Connection.5:20And I really liked that book. I liked a lot of what he had to say. But I felt like he was kind of romanticizing non-speaking autism. And I think because my particular situation, I am a late diagnosed autistic. I have a child who's autistic and I have another child who's in a power chair. And everything that5:43RFK said about autistic people could apply to my child in the power chair he's not autistic but a lot of those things apply and that is no easy road and for parents who have children who in addition to being non-speaking may require lifetime care That's a difficult thing to take on. And people are vulnerable.6:08People are definitely vulnerable. And I think that we have to be wary of romanticizing something that is a very difficult situation for some people. So I do think there are issues around it, definitely. But I also think that there's something there. I do think there's something there.6:26I do feel that some autistic traits like sensitivity and pattern recognition and do tend to occur in proximity to psychic abilities. And I think when people are challenged in a certain area, they do tend to develop compensatory abilities. And I think that is one way to look at psychic abilities, definitely, is compensating for other issues.6:54And I don't have a whole lot to say in this episode, but I just wanted to kind of share that, that I realize it's a complicated and nuanced And I also want to share a resource. Let me find it here. I follow quite a few different people on Substack.7:14And one Substack I really like is called For the Birds. And this is written by Sarah Teresa Cook. And she did an article on the telepathy tape. So I'm going to link to it. But it's called Radical Empathy, the telepathy tapes and the trouble with coherence and the real people we're harming when we wholly dismiss the podcast,7:32which is very good, much more comprehensive than what I'm giving you. And I'm going to link to that below. But I do think that we have to be kind of careful with things like this. But I do not think we should dismiss it out of hand. And I think a lot of prejudicial stuff, both scientific and cultural,7:52comes into this, certainly. And I just wanted to kind of say that. I also wanted to speak to a couple of mistakes I made when I was doing this. I used the phrase nonverbal, not understanding that nonverbal is incorrect, that non-speaking is the correct phrase. And I was thinking nonverbal, like verbal contract, written contract.8:16And that is a legitimate definition of nonverbal, but really verbal speaks to language. not only speaking, although culturally it's kind of used to represent speaking, but the more correct term is non-speaking, not non-verbal. So I wanted to mention that. And also I said, I think in the second podcast,8:36I talked about how science can't really help us with understanding psychic abilities. And I was more thinking of science in terms of the actual anatomy of the brain, because I don't personally feel the brain generates consciousness. And I stand by that. I think there's a limit.8:52how much studying the brain can tell us about non-local abilities like psychic ability. But I also think that science is much broader than that. And obviously, parapsychology is a science that can help us understand these things. So it's not true that science can't help. It's just maybe true that biology has its limits.9:17So I did want to mention that. And I'm going to be, this is just a short podcast, just kind of correcting my past episodes. But I did want to mention that going forward, I'm going to be continuing to talk about autism and psychic ability and autistic traits, obviously.9:34But I'm going to be doing it more from my personal perspective. And it's nothing against the content in the telepathy tapes or anything that has been written about it necessarily. It's just... I'm better off, I feel, if I stick with my own lived experience. I don't really feel qualified upon reflection to talk about other people's lived experience.9:56So I'm probably not going to do that or at least not do it often going forward. But I am going to be talking about, I'm going to be talking about psychic ability and autism because I'm writing this memoir and it's coming up and coming up and coming up,10:10even though it would be easier for me if it didn't. It just has to be part of it. So we'll be talking about that. And I will be talking a little bit more about the spectrum. And that's what I kind of like to touch on in the next episode, like my evolving understanding of the autism spectrum,10:30part of which was sparked by this exploration of the telepathy tapes. And I do recommend the blog article on Radical Empathy. And I'm going to link to all that stuff in the description. And go back. If you didn't listen to my first two episodes, go back. I mean,10:46I think some of the comments I made about the telepathy tapes weren't as nuanced as they should have been. But I think the information I gave on psychic abilities and parapsychology was okay, was fine. So you may want to listen to it. And next time, I'm still doing the first and third Fridays.11:05Next time, I'm going to be talking a little bit more about the spectrum. And if you would like to follow the show, please feel free to do that. And you can also find me on Substack. The name of my Substack is writing on the spectrum, but the URL is barbaragraver.substack.com.11:24So I'll put that link in the description too. So that's it for now. Kind of a short episode, but I just wanted to clarify a few things and give you this resource of the blog article. So that's it. I will see you guys later this month.11:39Until then, this is Barbara Graver of Autistic POV, and thank you very much for listening._________

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Is there a relationship between autistic traits and psychic ability?

Join me for a discussion of how autistic traits like hyper-sensitivity, hyper-connectivity and pattern recognition might relate to psychic abilities.

The blog post and autism trait charts I mentioned in the video can be found on my blog at: https://barbaragraver.substack.com/p/charting-my-autistic-traits

If you like my content, please follow the podcast!

Visit my blog at Writing On The Spectrum (https://barbaragraver.substack.com/)

Full transcript follows. If you need closed captioning, please listen via the podbean app or at AutisticPOV.com (https://www.autisticpov.com/).

EPISODE 11 TRANSCRIPTIf your podcast provider cuts off the transcript, you can see the full transcript for this episode at AutisticPOV.com Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graber and I started this podcast to share a bit of my journey as a late diagnosed autistic. Hi everybody, this is Barbara Graver.0:21Welcome to Autistic POV. In this episode, we're going to be continuing to talk about autism and psychic abilities. In our last episode, we talked about autism and psychic abilities, particularly in the realm of some of the research and controversy around nonverbal autistic people and their telepathic abilities.0:45And one of the interesting things for me that came out of that was it kind of changed my thinking on the whole concept of the spectrum. And this happened actually as I was doing the podcast. I was thinking about how I have some intuitive abilities and here are these people who...1:02that have these strong, apparently strong, telepathic abilities. And I was thinking, you know, it really is a spectrum. But the more I thought about it after, that one trait is on a spectrum. So to me, you can't put one autistic person... at one end of the spectrum and another autistic person at the other.1:25And I know people say, oh, it's not that kind of a spectrum. But the definition of a spectrum really is something that goes from one extreme to another. Like even with color, you might say, oh, red's not in any way inferior to violet. But yet red is, if you look at the wavelength of red,1:44you will see it has a slower, larger pattern where violet has a very pattern so it is a rating system a spectrum is a rating system and I just don't like that because the more I learn about autism the more I realize there are specific quote autistic traits and people have a constellation of these traits we2:08may not have all of them we may not have all the same traits but but a lot of us have a gradient of traits. For example, and I'm going to share a link to this. After this podcast, I did actually a blog post on the traits in autism, and I listed 10 traits.2:29I kind of loosely adapted from the DSM-5, and I rated myself 1 to 10 on those traits. So some traits like repetitive motor, I was very low. Other traits like hyper fixation. I gave myself a 10. Maybe that was too much, but I'm very, very high on that. So that's, I think that's true of everyone.2:50And there's other things that complicate it, obviously, like apraxia and different intellectual capacities. But I just think that whole idea of low to high that's perpetuated by the DSM-5 is very misleading. So I'm not using that word spectrum anymore. I even changed my blog. It was writing on the spectrum.3:09I changed it back to writing after dark because I just don't buy into that spectrum idea, that ranking anymore. However, when it comes to individual traits, we certainly can rank people. And If being psychic is an autistic trait or not, I think is debatable. But it is a human trait.3:29And I do think it can come under the greater heading of sensitivity. And the reason I think that is because I had a lot of experience, a lot of different psychic experiences. I've had precognitive dreams. I've had visions. I've had a lot of experiences. I do not consider myself... overtly psychic.3:49These are just things that have happened to me in kind of an episodic way over the course of my life. And these things have informed my belief system. I believe in certain things like the paranormal, the supernatural, because of my psychic experiences. And I use my intuition all the time in understanding things and understanding people.4:11It's a huge help to me. So I To me, it's a trait that falls under the greater heading of hypersensitivity and possibly hyperconnectivity too. One of the things I was thinking about over the last two weeks since I did the podcast is the idea of the brain as a receiver.4:31And that's an analogy the biophysicist Rupert Sheldrake uses. He says, imagine a radio. And if you took a piece out of a radio, you would no longer hear music. And you would think that the radio could no longer produce music. If you didn't understand a radio at all, you might think that this radio is broken.4:51It can't produce music. But that's not actually how a radio works. What's happened is that the radio is no longer receiving the music. So the brain can, I think, be thought of also as a receiver. And the question is, what are different brains receiving? And I think in autism, perhaps, our ability,5:16our hyperconnectivity coupled with our hypersensitivity might make us possibly make our brains a different kind of receiver. And there's been no research done on this. This isn't scientific at all. This is just kind of what I think. But I don't personally believe that the physical brain generates consciousness. I like Carl Jung.5:41I like the idea of the collective unconscious. I like the idea that we're receiving information. And the reason I like it is because it's happened to me. I've gotten information in dreams and I've gotten information through various psychic means. And it just made me think that maybe we're making connections in different ways.6:05And maybe our hypersensitivity extends beyond the material to a degree and maybe we're using a different kind of method of connecting and I know in my own life I've gotten a lot of information and and understood a lot of things through synchronicity and synchronicity part of6:28synchronicity is pattern recognition you could be going along in your life and there could be a bunch of synchronicities but if you don't have that eye for detail and that capacity for pattern recognition that a lot of autistic people have, you could totally miss that. You could totally miss the synchronicities because it's not going together for you.6:52And pattern recognition is... connecting things. So it's funny to think that the model of autism is that different areas of the brain aren't connecting, and yet we're still making connections, maybe through hypersensitivity, maybe through pattern recognition. And I don't have any answers on this at all. I have no answers, but I do think it's really worth exploring.7:17And I did because I started having what my one friend called the dead boyfriend dreams. I started having these dreams about people I had known and lost touch with who had died. And they were evidential because I had no idea. that these people had died, and they were unusual dreams.7:34And this was just a short period in 2012 when this was happening to me. And so I decided to study mediumship, which was not the way I really should have applied this, but that was how I felt at the time. I felt getting information, I'm dreaming of the dead, I must be a medium.7:51And so I studied with a spiritualist for a couple years, and I ultimately decided that I don't personally want to be the person who is like the ambassador for the afterlife to the grieving. I just don't want that responsibility. And it's fine for people who do. I just don't.8:11So after a couple years, I'm like, this really isn't for me. I moved on to something else. But I sat in on a lot of spiritualist development circles. And I did a lot of psychic development exercises. And one thing I noticed in almost all of those groups is that we were all kind of highly sensitive people.8:28And not that we were all autistics. Definitely we weren't, but we're all very sensitive. And I just thought that was interesting. And people used to talk about the clairs. I imagine they still do in these development circles, how you have different senses of the material and you have different senses of the immaterial.8:50So for example, clairvoyance is clear seeing. So you could see the material world, but some people could see the unseen realms, say, and they have clairaudience, they have clairsentience, they cover all the senses. So is this just hypersensitivity, a very refined way of sensing? And is the lack of interconnection between different brain regions in the autistic9:20brain not really a lack of connection, but a different kind of connection? This is what I'm curious about. And for me, I bring information in and a lot of times something happens. It's creative. It's intuitive. It could be psychic. It could be a synchronicity. Something happens outside of me that helps me make sense of that information.9:42It helps me connect things. It's a different way of processing. And I just wonder, there's so much about autism that's described like what you could see from looking in the window. It's all based on behavior. The diagnostic criteria is all based on behavior. And it was a model of behavioral psychology, essentially, initially.10:07And people are starting to move away from that, but it's still, if you look at the DSM-5, that's all stuff you could see from across the room. It has nothing to do with anybody's inner states. And I just wonder how much that's missing. And so it's interesting to me with the whole, like,10:25I'm not sure about the telepathy tapes and the nonverbal autistic telepathy. I read about it and I was really excited about it. And then I thought there's just, there's just a lot here, a lot here that's very tough to research. And I'm not discounting it, but I'm not basing10:43I'm not basing what I think about autism and psychic ability on that either. I mean, I think with savants, people always say, how are they doing this? How is a three-year-old playing Mozart? To me, it's not how. It's where did they get it? Where did it come from?11:00Like, where are they just plucking it out of the air? It kind of seems that way. So I think savants could make a case, possibly, for some kind of non-local transfer of information. But for me, it's just easier for me to base it on myself and what I do and how my life works.11:19And I'm not sure that I'm explaining this very coherently. And it's because it's a new idea to me. I'm just exploring it. I'm not a science person. It's very hard for me to understand the science. And the science is important. Just like if you're trying to listen to music, the radio is important,11:37but that doesn't make the radio the source. And our brains are important, but that doesn't make our brains the source. And I think that it could just be that with autism, we have a different way of processing it. Autism was looked at from a behavioral standpoint for so long, and the science is far,11:57far from where it needs to be, obviously. And I'm not even sure we can ever understand it through the science, particularly if some of what we're doing is actually non-local. How are we going to understand it through the science? I don't know if this was helpful or not.12:14I mean, this is just me kind of trying to figure this stuff out. And I'm going to talk a little more about it. I'm going to try to put it in some kind of a coherent presentation. And I'm probably not going to rely hugely on the science,12:29partially because that's really not my thing and partially because it's not there yet. And also, I always feel that the materialistic paradigm is looking at things backwards. I've always felt that. I feel that there is something that informs our. physical reality.12:51You don't have to believe in God necessarily or religion to believe that. You could believe in the collective unconscious. You could believe in whatever you want, really. It's kind of all somatics. But I do think there is something beyond us that is more relevant to our existence than what we're kind of seeing at ground level.13:12So maybe that's true with autism. Maybe it's not. But I'm going to try to talk about it a little more in my bumbling, kind of not particularly coherent way. And just not because I have all the answers. Obviously, I don't. I'm just kind of stumbling around in the dark like everybody else.13:30But I think it's nice to talk about these things. It's nice to think about these things. And I hope maybe something I said... might get you thinking and you might go in a completely different direction and that's fine. But the point is we're thinking about these things.13:44And I think seeing autism as a spectrum of low to high or a disorder or a dysfunction is just does a such a disservice. But the neuro normative paradigm is, is always going to be there because just because of the numbers, just because there's more neuro normative people than there are us.14:04So it's kind of up to us, I think, to reinterpret this stuff and to try to look at it from a different perspective. And that's what I'm trying to do right now. And I'm very interested in the idea of autism as a different way of processing, not a dysfunctional way, a different way. And...14:25And this is where I'm at with it right now today. So I'm going to do more reading. I'm going to do more thinking. I'm going to do kind of going over my own experience more. I'm trying to write this memoir, which I mentioned before. And that has a lot to do with psychic stuff.14:42And that's how I kind of got here because I couldn't tell that story. I couldn't just tell the story of me as an autistic person without going into all the psychic stuff and all the paranormal things. Because to me, to me, they're connected. And that's how the memoir is going to be.14:59And I want to kind of explore this in the podcast. Hope you'll bear with me. I hope you'll take it for what it is. Somebody trying to figure it out, not somebody with all the answers. So that's it for today. These are my thoughts on autism and psychic ability for today.15:13And I will be back again in June. I'm doing the podcast, trying to do the podcast the first and third Friday, sometimes I'm a day or two late. But I will be back again in June and I'm going to continue on this topic. So I'm going to be sharing a little bit of my own experience.15:32I may come back to the telepathy tape stuff or I may not. I'm not sure how relevant that really is for me, but I may. And Diane Powell, like I read her website and I think she's really interesting. I listened to some of her lectures. I mentioned her.15:46in the last episode, but I'm not sure how relevant her research really is for me. So, but I'm going to be doing like some of my own research to the best of my ability, and I'm going to be kind of trying to process my own experience through that and share with you guys what I come up with.16:02I hope it's helpful. So that's it for this week. Next time we'll continue on this topic. And until then, this is Barbara Graver of Autistic POV, and thank you very much for listening.________________Theme music by the Caffeine Creek Band

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Is there a relationship between autism and psychic experience?

A connection between autism and telepathy has been reported by the families of some nonverbal autistic people. As a late diagnosed autistic this interests me because intuition has been a guiding force in my life.

Like all many areas of parapsychology, more research is needed, but I think it’s a topic worth discussing.

In this episode I talk about my own person experience, what other people have to say, the idea of psychic ability as a spectrum trait and a bit about parapsychology (from what I have learned at the Rhine Institute).

This is my first time talking about this topic, I’m going to be talking about it more in the next couple of podcasts!

Resources for this episode include:* Autism and the God Connection by William Stillman * The Telepathy Tapes Podcast (https://thetelepathytapes.com/) * The Rhine Institute (https://www.rhineonline.org/what-is-parapsychology) * Dr. Diane Hennacy/Powell (https://drdianehennacy.com/telepathy/) * Psychology Today article on the Telepathy Tapes by Jeff Tarant PhD (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/choosing-your-meditation-style/202503/science-skepticism-and-the-telepathy-tapes) * Dr. Hennacy/Powell's Response to Jonathan Jarry (https://thetelepathytapes.com/dr-powell-defense) * Sharing Our Autism Story (https://www.autisticpov.com/e/sharing-our-autistic-story-ep-6/)

If you like my content, please follow the podcast!

Visit my blog at Writing On The Spectrum (https://barbaragraver.substack.com/)

Full transcript follows. If you need closed captioning, please listen via the podbean app or at AutisticPOV.com (https://www.autisticpov.com/).

EPISODE 10 TRANSCRIPTIf your podcast provider cuts off the transcript, you can see the full transcript for this episode at AutisticPOV.com Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graver and I started this podcast to share a bit of my journey as a late diagnosed autistic. everybody this is barbara graver thank you for joining me today on autistic pov today we're going to be talking about autism and psychic experience as most of you0:30know i tried to write an autism memoir and i talk about this in an episode i'll link to it telling our autism story but i tried to write this memoir And I realized that I kind of couldn't stay in the autism lane. I was talking about autism, but I was talking a lot about the paranormal,0:51my psychic experience, past spiritual experience, metaphysical topics, all this stuff that to my mind then, didn't have anything to do with autism. And I thought, I can't do this. This is supposed to be an autism memoir. And nobody's going to want to read all this if they're looking for autism memoir.1:13So I set it on the side, but it kind of kept pulling at me. So Not long ago, actually a few weeks ago, I decided, you know what, I'm just going to write it. I'm just going to do it. I mean, it's actually written. I thought I'm just going to edit it and finish it and do it.1:32And after I made that decision, I thought maybe I should do a little research on this topic, this topic. Is there any connection between autism and psychic ability? And I had never really thought that there was. To me, the metaphysical, actually parapsychological is the correct term, was always a special interest. It was just a special interest.1:56It didn't really have anything to do with being autistic. And maybe it doesn't. I don't know that for sure. But I do know that when I started to research, I found a book. by this guy named William Stillman. It's called Autism and the God Connection. And this was an interesting book to me.2:14There's some pros and cons on it, which I'll talk about in another episode, but it was a really interesting book to me because it addressed this idea that there's a relationship between telepathy and autism. And in particular, William Stillman, who is on the spectrum and does have psychic ability, I think has worked as a medium.2:36But William Stillman worked primarily with nonverbal autistic children and teenagers, maybe adults, but nonverbal autistic people and their mothers. And a lot of these moms were saying, my kid could read my mind. And of course, everyone's like, That's ridiculous. People are even saying really mean things, like horrible, cruel things.3:02And that's like part of the culture of just dismissing what is essentially at its core the inner experience of the autistic, which we'll talk about more. But William Stillman didn't dismiss it. He wrote a book about it, and it's a really interesting book, and he's an interesting guy, and he shares a lot of anecdotes about3:23And he mentions in the book this podcast called The Telepathy Tapes, which I listen to. And that also is about telepathy and nonverbal autistic people. And it's really compelling. It's super compelling. And it is based on and around the work of this, actually, she's a medical doctor, neuroscientist, Diane Hennessy.3:46And she got interested in autism and telepathy and decided to research it. And she said that she knew when she made that decision that it was the end of her scientific reputation, she knew it. And so it was. They even found a way to take her medical license away from her for a while.4:05And it's interesting because this is the culture. And it's almost like there's a double prejudice when you talk about this issue. There's the prejudice of dismissing the inner the inner reality, the lived experience of autistic people was just systemic. And then in the scientific community, there was the prejudice against parapsychology, also systemic.4:31And it's really, really interesting because I've studied parapsychology. I took courses at the Rhine Institute, which is... was started by J.B. Rhine, who did the original experiments in ESP. But I took courses there. I think I'm going to take some more, actually. And it's interesting because that prejudice towards parapsychology is so ingrained in the scientific community,4:55like even Rupert Sheldrake, who's that. I think Cambridge-educated biophysicists, he would submit papers when he was doing his research on morphic fields. He would submit statistically valid, well-designed scientific studies and write a paper on it and submit it to these academic journals. And they would send it back without even reading it.5:17They would say, we know this can't be true, so we're not even going to read your paper. Like that's the scientific community at its worst. And parapsychology brings that out. It just brings it out so much. And it's kind of interesting because on Diane Hennessey's website, she actually quotes from this paper.5:38And just give me a minute here and I will find it. So this paper was written by molecular biologist Jonathan Jerry in critiquing Diane Hennessey's work with autism and telepathy and what is interesting. interesting about it for the purpose of our discussion, is that he begins by talking about parapsychology. And he says, and this is a quote,6:03parapsychology is a grab bag of powers and experiences like telepathy, telekinesis, and precognition that involves some weird transfer of energy or information that currently exist outside of our scientific understanding, if they exist at all. And this is like kind of an interesting way to characterize parapsychology because it's not a grab bag of powers and experiences.6:29It's an actual science. And I'll just quote from the Ryan Institute's website on parapsychology. Like, what is parapsychology? Parapsychology is the scientific study of interactions between living organisms and their external environment that seem to transcend the known physical laws of nature. Parapsychology is a component of the broader study of consciousness and the mind.6:53parapsychologists study five broad areas, telepathy, clairvoyance, precognition, PK, psychokinesis, and survival studies. So you can see the difference here in perspective, and you can see the prejudice of the scientific community towards parapsychology. I'm not saying that the telepathy tapes is a scientifically valid study. Like, I don't know that. I couldn't even really analyze that.7:18I suspect it probably isn't, but The point is, anecdotal evidence is still evidence. And it's kind of systemic of popular culture as a whole to just dismiss out of hand the lived experience of autistic people. So it's not really surprising that this telepathy in nonverbal autistic people is just going to be dismissed out of hand.7:42None of that's surprising. And probably when I mention all this, you're thinking, but wait, that's been debunked. It hasn't been debunked. It hasn't been properly studied, perhaps. But that's the most you can say about it. You can't say that it's been debunked. So I found that really interesting.7:59And essentially what Diane Hennessey and the telepathy tapes and William Stillman are all saying, some people at least on the autism spectrum have telepathic abilities. And this is like widely reported by mothers of kids that are nonverbal saying, you know, my kid could read my mind. And you think that's ridiculous. That can happen. It's a normal reaction.8:26I'm a skeptical person. The only reason I believe the things I believe is because of direct experience. I don't really believe anything. metaphysical other than stuff I've had direct experience of. So I'm kind of like that too. It's human nature, but it's problematic.8:45It's problematic when it means you can't take a look at things from a reasonable perspective. And that's essentially the problem. That's a big part of the problem. And so on the telepathy tapes, they're nonverbal autistic individuals who are communicating their spellers. They call it spellers. They're communicating via assistive devices, which is part of,9:10it would definitely be a challenge in setting up a study for various reasons, but they're communicating. And some of the examples, like you really should check it out. I'll put a link. Some of the examples are really, really compelling. And That's not saying, again, they're scientifically valid. It's saying they're compelling.9:28And the way parapsychology works is that parapsychology looks at things that happen, quote, in the field, spontaneous events, apparently paranormal, apparently psi. They just call it all psi for ease of communication. Apparently psi events that happen in the field, they take those events and then they do a study where the scientific community9:51looks at those events and just dismisses them out of hand. parapsychologists look at them and then they do a study. They don't just accept them. Like that's not how it works. And their studies are actually, and I know this from my courses at Ryan, their studies are actually more rigorous than your average scientific study.10:10Like a regular scientific study might do a double or triple blind. Parapsychologists will do quadruple blind. Like they really, because they know everybody's going to do their best to discredit them. I mean, it's an ongoing thing. So it would be great if we could get some parapsychologists to take a really good look at this.10:29But people are looking at it. And I just don't know enough about the work of Diane Hennessey really to comment on it. But it's very interesting. And the telepathy tapes are very interesting. And the idea that autistic people are receiving information via telepathy is fascinating to me. And I'll tell you why.10:52When I first got diagnosed with autism, the idea of the spectrum was confusing to me because I thought, first of all, I had people telling me, well, what you have used to be Asperger's, but now they put it all together kind of so they could bill for things. That was the explanation I sort of got.11:11So it seemed to me like maybe it's just all these different kind of neurobiological things grouped together. And it's a spectrum, but it's not necessarily a linear spectrum like we're going from point A to point Z on this spectrum. It's just kind of a hodgepodge.11:29I always sort of thought that and then when I found out about the telepathy tapes my opinion just suddenly changed because I realized this is a little bit like what I've been doing through my whole life but intuitively always and that is the way I11:48get information even in everyday way I've always been very sensitive to what I call energy what the weird energy that Jonathan Jerry mentions. But even when I was a little kid, like I used to have a sense of people that was, it, it was, and is, cause I still get it an actual palpable thing.12:11It felt like an energy, like almost like pins and needles would feel like kind of like energy. It felt like that. And yeah, I remember as a little kid, like trying to explain that to my friend and them looking at me like I was insane. And that's when I realized other people don't do this.12:28Other people aren't doing this. Other people aren't getting information this way. And it's like, I'm not very good at conversation. Like I could do this podcast because I edit it. And because I'm not looking at anyone, I could do it. But when it comes to conversation and I'm still all over the place,12:45but when it comes to conversation, like I'm horrible at conversation and it's, Yet a lot of times when I'm talking to people, especially certain people, there's almost like a subtext. There's a conversation beneath the conversation. Like even if somebody's saying something, somebody could be saying one thing and then there's the subtext and that's intuition.13:08So it's not the same as what the nonverbal autistic people are doing where they're actually You have to watch the podcast. It seems like they're actually reading minds. I'm not doing anything like that. But it's a similar kind of thing. It's a similar way of getting information.13:26And I'm thinking about this, and all of a sudden I'm thinking, it really is a spectrum. It actually is a spectrum because this is part of who I am. And my special interests that I always kind of put out to the side, like it's this random thing that doesn't have anything to do with me.13:43My special interests have always been since the time I was a little kid, like the Ouija board, ghost stories, gothic fiction, tarot cards, astrology, everything along that line, witches, dark shadows, everything along that line just spoke to me, spoke to me, spoke to me. And it's not really something that's off to the side.14:03And it's not a problem. I don't think that I put it in my memoir because it's kind of central to who I am. And I'm like seeing the spectrum for the first time. So I just wanted to share this. I'm going to do some more podcasts on this topic because I think it's fascinating.14:20And I'm going to write my weird hybrid kind of memoir, too. But I'm going to do some more podcasts on this. I want to talk a little more about William Stillman and the telepathy tapes and my own personal experience, like with the paranormal and paranormal investigation and mediumship and all this kind of stuff that I explored.14:41And it's who I am. So why shouldn't the memoir be that too? And why shouldn't I talk about it here? I mean, I hope people consider it relevant. I don't know for sure, but I'm going to come back to it. I'm definitely going to come back to it.14:55So the next episode is going to be on this topic. I don't know specifically what, but it's going to be on this topic. And I'm going to keep talking about this. So if it's of interest to you, please consider following the show. I'm on most popular podcast apps. I'm also, I have Substack, which is barbaragraver.substack.com.15:16I call it writing on the spectrum, but you can find it there. I'll put links to that. Please feel free to follow the show or comment or share it. All that helps more than you could know. And I will be back on the third Friday of May, and we will be talking more about autism and psychic experience.15:36So until then, this is Barbara Graver of Autistic POV, and thank you very much for listening.________________

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How masking can be helpful at times. How it can hurt. My experience with autistic masking and unmasking. My new unmasking autism workbook. I am planning future episodes on the topic.

Thank you for listening!

If you like this content please follow and / or share!

• You can get all my media and articles for free via my newsletter: BarbaraGraver.substack.com
• Post quoted in the article: "Why classic therapies don't work for autistic people?" by Pascale Larivierre
• Workbook mentioned in the article "The Unmasking Workbook for Autistic Adults" by Jessica Penot, LPC-S
• If you need closed captioning, please listen via the podbean app or through my site: AutisticPOV.com

Episode 9 Transcript:If your podcast provider cuts off the transcript, you can see the full transcript for this episode at AutisticPOV.com 0:06Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graver and I started this podcast to share a bit of my journey as a late diagnosed autistic. Hey everybody, this is Barbara Graver. Thank you for joining me today on Autistic POV. Today I wanted to talk about masking. I'm just actually making a few observations on masking.0:32I do want to return to this topic at some point. But I just wanted to take kind of a pro and con approach to it today because this is something that's come up for me recently. So I have been using a workbook called the Unmasking Workbook for Autistic Adults.0:50It's written by Jessica Pinot, who is a licensed counselor and autistic person. And it's a great workbook. I love it. I like the way it's set up. I like the way it builds. It builds to this point kind of in the center where there are two charts that the author calls a template for change.1:12And I like the way the book is structured because the way it works is if you work through each section, by the time you get to this very important part of the book, you know what you want to say, which is great. So I think it's very well constructed.1:27And this part of the book, it basically has two sections to it. what what do you consider a gift of autism and what do you need help with and i like that i like that approach i filled it in but i found it necessary to create a1:43third category of things that i considered adaptive measures so they're not they're not necessarily things i want to change some some things around it i may want to change But they are adaptive measures. And one of the things I listed in this, along with some other things we'll talk about at some other time, was masking.2:05And I was kind of surprised. I kind of surprised myself that I put it there because unmasking has been a huge thing for me. I've suffered a lot. through masking but I did put it there and the reason I did is because masking can2:23have a benefit I mean masking can be a layer kind of a layer between you and the world and while it is a soul-crushing thing certainly not being able to mask is highly highly debilitating And it was interesting because I came across an article on Substack, and I'll link to it below.2:47The article was about two sisters, two women with autism. One was highly masking and the other couldn't mask at all. And I was surprised by my reaction to it because to me, it wasn't really an either or. To me, I could identify the experience of both of these people.3:06And that's because sometimes I can mask and sometimes I can't. I have had epic, epic meltdowns in public when unable to mask. And at other times I've endured difficult things without any kind of incident because of my ability to basically pretend I was okay. So, I mean, that's not good. Enduring things is not good usually,3:30but sometimes there isn't another choice and it is useful to be able to to step behind masking, like kind of seeing it as a shield where you can step behind it and you can interact. And, and I do this in my everyday life. I don't have a lot of contact with other people in my everyday life.3:52I basically spend time with my family and my pets and do media online and have a few online friends. and see an autism therapist. And that's pretty much the extent of my social involvement. But I do leave the house. I leave the house and I interact with people on a limited, kind of superficial basis.4:14And I have stock phrases that I can use when I'm walking my dog and someone says hello. I have certain things I'll say about the weather or certain responses I'll make. And they're not necessarily memorized, but they're things I use over and over again. And it's kind of my way of interacting. And that's masking.4:34And it doesn't hurt me to do that. It's not satisfying, but it doesn't hurt me. And I kind of feel proud of myself when I have like one of those little kind of ordinary exchanges with someone. And I feel like I handle it well. And it doesn't matter that nothing important is being communicated.4:54What matters is that I'm kind of proud of myself after I do this. And it allows me to present an aspect of myself that people can accept. So it can be good. And masking in particular could be good when it keeps you from... It keeps you from having a meltdown, say.5:15That's what this article on Substack was about. I am kind of all over the place, but this article on Substack, the girl said how her sister who could not mask would have meltdowns at work and how it was so debilitating. And I agree with that 100% it is. And I have done that. I identified with both.5:36And I think a lot of people probably can. certainly there are people who can't mask at all and that's very debilitating I'm not trying to minimize that but I think that a lot of us have had that experience of being able to mask and then not being able to mask and I think that too is worth5:52looking at so that's kind of how I look at masking it's not a hundred percent hundred percent bad but it could lead to some pretty dark places and I wouldn't want to pretend otherwise and unmasking is a good thing. To me, unmasking is a good thing. At this point in my life,6:15I am looking at it in a little bit different way than I think a lot of people do, because I have kind of a limited involvement in the world. To me, masking is not Trying to blend in or trying to fool people or trying to seem normal. I did that. I've done that in my life.6:31I did it in school. And interestingly, I felt like I accomplished it, like particularly in high school. I felt like I accomplished it and at great personal cost. But now I look back and I think, I don't really think I fooled anyone. I think in most situations,6:48people always perceived me as awkward and unusual and a little strange. And I was sometimes just kind of oblivious to that. But so I don't think I was ever really, really super successful with blending in. But That's not the kind of unmasking I'm really worried about now because it's not only that I can't really do it,7:10it's that I don't really want to do it. I just don't want to and I don't have to and I feel really, really lucky that I don't have to. And the way I look at unmasking now is like simple, simple things. So one way I've tried to unmask is by recognizing when something's too much for me7:30and to not push myself to endure situations that are overwhelming for me. And another way I've done it is by not allowing myself to be unduly influenced by other people's ideas about my personal preferences. And just a couple examples, like one way, recognizing when something's too much for me, I did the taxes this week.7:56And when I did my taxes, I knew if I tried to, we have a rental unit, so there's a lot to that. I knew if I tried to do it all in one day, it would be overwhelming. So I collected all the little pieces of information I needed,8:10and there are a lot of them over the course of a week. And then I sat down to do it on tax day, which was a mistake, but I got through it. I got through it okay because I had everything there and my son had helped me with some of it.8:24But I was just washed out after I did that. And even though I don't consider doing taxes hard, I don't consider it confusing or difficult, I still find it super stressful. Like any paperwork, I find stressful. So I chose to not cook that day. I didn't even make lunch.8:44I ordered lunch and I ordered dinner, which I never do. I don't do that routinely. But I could have pushed myself to make the meal I had planned for that night, but I chose not to because I knew it would be too much.8:58And I think that's a form of unmasking because it's a mask to pretend you could handle something when you can't. That's masking to me. And another thing, when I mentioned not being influenced by other people's perceptions, there are things that bother me, like ceiling lights shining in my eyes and various noise things9:19different kinds of noises going on and I used to kind of internalize people's reaction to that when they would say that's ridiculous there's no reason why you that should bother you I would think you're right shouldn't bother me I'll just white knuckle it and sometimes they could and sometimes they couldn't but I don't9:38I'm trying not to do that anymore I'm trying to tell myself that they don't understand and that that isn't my problem. So that's another way. And kind of hand in hand with that, like honoring limits, like not attributing my reactions to bad behavior or subjective labels,10:04like thinking I'm picky or I'm fussy or I'm selfish or I'm immature. Like I try to just think that this is something that's overwhelming me. And I try to kind of honor that, that this is a limit for me. Example is I was making dinner and everybody in our house, we don't eat at the table.10:25We hate to, we just, I make the food and they grab it and take it. So somebody was getting food off the stove and a pan of corn fell off. So the pan of corn fell off and the person who was there when it fell started talking about how10:42this teapot's always in the way and on and on. And another person in the kitchen started talking about, don't worry about it. It's no big deal. And meanwhile, the dog's trying to eat it. And somebody else is saying it won't hurt him. It's good for him. It's just like all this pandemonium was going on.11:01And it was so overwhelming to me. And a lot of times I'll overreact, quote, overreact to a situation like that. And I'll kind of get shamed a little like it's just corn how could you overreact like that but it's not about the corn it's about the chaos and I'm beginning to kind of see things like11:20that a little more clearly and to honor my reaction to it to not to not demonize my reaction to it to not mislabel it so I just said everything has to stop I have to clean this up and it worked it kind of worked11:39And I had a similar situation with not having been given enough time to do something where should I be able to do these tasks in an hour and get to an appointment on time? Should I? Should the average person? Probably. But it's triggering for me and I felt it myself getting triggered and I had no choice.12:03I had to do it, but I was extremely, extremely pressured and triggered and I didn't quite have a meltdown, but I could have. I was getting close. Like if things had started to go wrong, I probably would have. And I don't let myself blame myself for that.12:23I don't make myself try to pretend I'm good with this because that's masking. I mean, it may be a basic form of masking. It's not masking like going into a board meeting and making everyone think you're competent. But it's still, for me, it's masking. And doing it is detrimental.12:43And there are times, I think, when it's good to mask. But there are times when it's better not to. And I think the times it's better not to far outweigh the times when it's a good thing. And the last thing I've been kind of trying to do with unmasking is to reject normalizing behavior.13:04And even though my sphere of socializing is very very small I do run into this and I read an interesting article also on Substack it was by Pascal LaRiviere and she talked about autistic psychotherapy and I thought it was really interesting and she talked a bit about13:31the autistic brain and she said in the article the autistic brain is hyper hyper everything, hyper connected, hyper plastic, and hyper reactive. This leads to hypersensitivity, hyper perception, hypertension, hyper fear, hyper memory, hyper learning, hyper emotionality. And she goes on to say higher perception and hypersensitivity mean that the brain13:56of autistic person has to process a lot more information than that of an holistic person. And that's just another word for neurotypical And she goes on to say that the cortex, autistic cortex, causes the brain to perceive stimuli in an intense manner, but also in a somewhat fragmented way. And I found that really interesting.14:20And she says that the perception of environment by such a brain slightly varies and is therefore slightly unstable, which I think is accurate. And she quotes an article, which I'm going to read by Markram and Markram, that says, as a consequence, the autistic person would remain with a fragmented and amplified perception of bits14:40and pieces of the world. And I think that that is a good description of hyperconnectivity and how it works. And it can be a strength. I mean, it definitely can be a strength. Like when you're researching or learning or doing creative work, hyperconnectivity can be a strength. It can also be a problem.14:57It's been a problem for me I think in my writing, the fragmented worldview has been a problem for me in my writing. So I think that to reject normalizing behavior, we have to be aware that this is not a subjective difference. We're not subjectively different.15:16Like when I'm standing in the center of chaos and my processing is shutting down and I'm unable to think or talk, annoyed because a family member is playing the radio too loud. But when you talk to some people, holistic people, neurotypical people, and you15:41If you allude to a situation like that, they'll say, oh, I know just what you mean. The other day, my husband had the radio up so loud and I turned around and snapped at him and I felt so bad. And I'm not trying to minimize situations like that.15:54I think certainly irritability and fighting and trying to maintain a relationship, those are all difficult things and they're all worth talking about. But it's not the same as shutting down. It's not the same as having a meltdown. It's not the same as being completely overwhelmed to the point where you're not processing.16:15You've reached your saturation point for processing. It's very different. The thing is, it doesn't necessarily look that different from the outside. Sometimes it does. But if we're in that endurance mode of masking, it might look the same. And so people don't see it. And that's a big problem with autism just in general, that the whole entire,16:35which I hate the DSM-5 and what it represents, because the whole entire paradigm of autism is based on what people outside us observe. Like nothing is based on our inner experience. And that's a huge, huge problem. luckily people are beginning to address it but it's still a problem but I think16:53it's very very important to reject normalizing behavior and I think one way one way I am going to do that do that because I'm struggling with that actually right now doing something better with some things than others what the way I'm going to do it17:08I think is by trying to learn more about the actual architecture of the autistic brain because there are objective differences between the autistic brain and the neurotypical brain. It's not subjective. It's like you could hang labels like immature and impulsive and fussy and difficult. You could hang those labels on somebody. They're subjective labels based on outside observation.17:36But they don't account for the structural differences between an autistic and a holistic brain. And I don't think you could reduce it all to science. I think experience is huge. And I think talking about our inner experience and doing workbooks and validating it and journaling and Understanding ourselves is just as important as understanding science.17:58But I think the science is good, too, because I think it's one way you could reject normalization. Like when people say to me, everybody's autistic, I can say, no, actually only three percent of the population is autistic because. You know, that's just a factoid. It's just a statistic, but it helps. It helps to know those things.18:20So I'm going to try a little bit to learn a bit of the neurobiology. And I actually, my degree, my undergraduate degree is actually a science degree, but I'm not a science person, so it does not come easy for me. But I am going to focus on that because I think that, could help.18:41So I just wanted to share that, you know, and just as kind of a recap, masking isn't always bad. And people who do not have the ability to mask suffer greatly in the world, very greatly. And we, I think it's important to remember that, that for some people, masking is a choice.19:00I mean, that was kind of the point of the article I read. For some people, it's a choice sometimes. And for some people, it's not a choice at all. And there's all kinds of shades in between that. But the bottom line is, for me, I put masking down as an adaptive mechanism because I think it is.19:17And I think sometimes it's helpful. I think sometimes it's a shield against the world and that it's good to have. So I don't completely, as much as I hate masking, as much damage as it has caused me, I don't completely... demonize it because I think it does have a function like a lot of kind of adaptive19:40maladaptive things have a function so secondly unmasking is a good thing and unmasking isn't necessarily always about hyper performance it could be about recognizing limits honoring our own limitations, honoring our own sensitivities, rejecting normalizing behavior. It could be subtle things. It doesn't have to be performance related. It could be subtle things based on interstates.20:09And that's pretty much it. I think that working to unmask at our own level, like I feel like my level of unmasking is lower than the level some people talk about. But I think working to unmask at our own level is Highly beneficial, and I think that it's something we need to keep dialoguing about.20:31I think we need to keep making people aware of our interstates to the best of our abilities. I find it really hard, but I think it's worth doing. So that's it. This is my podcast, my first podcast totally dedicated to masking. I am going to have a few more. I'm honestly not sure what I'm doing next time.20:50I forgot to look, but so it'll be a surprise. Sorry about that. I'm doing the podcast on the first and third Friday of the month. So you'll see me next month on the first Friday. And if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me, leave a comment, or you could contact me on Substack.21:09My Substack is barbaragraver.substack.com. The name of the Substack is Writing on the Spectrum. I'll include a link. That's a good way to connect with me if you sign up for my publication. It's free. You'll get all the, all the podcasts. You'll get all of my blog posts. Some are on autism, some are on writing,21:32some are on metaphysics because that's my special interest, but you'll get the blog posts and the media and everything if you sign up for that. And you can also follow this podcast on all, pretty much all the major podcast apps. If you need closed captioned, You might want to look at it either on my podcast site,21:52which is autisticpov.com, or look at it on the Podbean app because I don't have closed caption on any other platforms that I'm aware of. I've only been able to set it up for Podbean. So I think that's it. Best way to stay in touch is the newsletter, the sub stack.22:13And I will see you guys again in May. Can't believe I'm saying that. And thank you so much for listening.___________

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How does dysregulation impact creativity and our special interests? And what does this mean to autistic individuals (like me) who might already be struggling to identify their emotional states and stressors?

In this episode, I discuss my own experience with dysregulation and creativity and share insights from autistic blogger and therapist Karen Sheriff and podcaster and neuropsychologist Dr. Theresa Regan.

The specific media resources mentioned in this episode are:

• The dichotomy of being an autistic creator (Sheriff)
• Powerful Self-Care: Awareness of the Internal (Reagan)

To read about the changes I made as a direct result of my dysregulation event please see What Writing on the Spectrum Means to Me

To get all of my media via email please subscribe to Writing on the Spectrum (always free) to get follow the podcast only, please follow in your favorite podcast app.

Please note: If you need closed captioning, please listen via the podbean app or through my site: AutisticPOV.com

And if you like this content please follow and / or share!

EPISODE 8 TRANSCRIPT:If your podcast provider cuts off the transcript, you can see the full transcript for this episode at AutisticPOV.com

Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graver and I started this podcast to share a bit of my journey as a late diagnosed autistic. Hi everybody, this is Barbara Graver. Thank you for joining me today on Autistic POV. Today we're going to talk about dysregulation and creativity because this is

0:32something that has been an issue for me and I think it's an issue for a lot of autistic people who are creative. And some of this I'm going to base on a recent series by Teresa Regan, who is a neuropsychologist who has a podcast called Autism in the Adult. Dr. Regan is not autistic,0:58but she does have a really strong background in autism and neurobiology and a son who's autistic. And I like her podcast. So she did a series on self-care, actually, that I thought was relevant to our topic of dysregulation in relationship to creativity. And she talked a lot about escape as a coping mechanism. And essentially,1:23she was talking about special interests, but also other escape behaviors, such as a comforting environment or person, things along that line. And she had a kind of different take on that, I think, than I do. She said that engaging in these kind of coping mechanisms tend to make us smaller.1:44And I'm not sure that she means that across the board. I mean, she did say they're not detrimental necessarily, but she does, she personally feels they're limiting. I don't always agree with that. And the reason I don't agree with that is because I personally feel that my own special interests are actually expansive.2:08I feel that my world has expanded through my special interests. So we're not exactly on the same page, I don't think, with the nature of the escape. But she did make some good points about it, and she listed some interesting strategies. And she talked about how autistics might not know2:33what's going on inside of us which is certainly true and it seems kind of counterintuitive because we are very sensitive but at the same time we don't notice certain things we might not notice when physical things for example like when we're2:50cold or hungry and and we also have a hard time or at least in my case I have a hard time identifying emotional states So Dr. Regan talks about recognizing when we are about to be put into a fight, flight, or freeze kind of situation.3:13And she looks at special interests or these kind of escape mechanisms as a flight reaction. And I think she's absolutely right in this. I think that's absolutely true. Again, I think that there's a value to it, but I also think it can be problematic. And I've had that issue myself. I recently,3:40and I talk about this a little on the blog, I recently finished my fiction story, my vampire story, and I sent it to Kindle to read it on Kindle. And when I did, I hated it. It was kind of the equivalent... When I was a kid, my father, almost everybody in my family were artists.4:01And my father, whenever I finished something, he'd look at it and he'd say, turn it upside down. And so you turn it upside down and you automatically see it just jogs your brain so that you automatically see everything that's wrong with it. It works. I don't know why, but it does work.4:20And the same is true of writing. If you write something, and then you print it out or read it on another device, you automatically see things that your mind was just kind of skipping over before. So I sent this story to Kindle, and I was not happy with it, and I thought it was done,4:39and it was kind of upsetting, and I decided, you know, I don't think I really want to write fiction at all. I thought, I just want to write about spiritual topics because I did that in the mystic review and I was successful with it.4:54And I should just write a book, a book about dreams and do the mystic review and that's it. And I decided, why am I even doing a podcast on autism and creativity if this is the direction I'm going? So I actually took the episodes in this podcast down. I redid the site.5:13I put up some old media I had on metaphysical topics. And I decided this was what I was going to do. So it's an interesting reaction. And I think in this case, this is absolutely a stress-induced flight reaction. And a lot of creative people, not only autistic creatives, but a lot of creative people in general, I think,5:38succumb to this. But as autistics, we're more likely to fall into this pattern because we do, many of us do routinely escape from stress through our special interests. For me, ever since I was a little kid, projects were my coping mechanism and continues into adulthood. And I'm grateful for this trait. It's, it's,6:05helped me to do things like the blog and writing and things in my home that I probably wouldn't have accomplished without this drive to always be engaged in a project. But there is a flip side to it because it's not always logical. And when I decided to completely stop writing fiction and talking about it and6:31talking about autism and everything around that, I tore it down. And tearing things down is not, that's not a good thing usually. That's Clarissa Picola Estes in her book, Women Who Run With the Wolves, talks about the goddess Medea, who when she was disappointed in love, killed her children.6:56And Dr. Estes says that a lot of women are like that with their creative projects. When they go wrong, they destroy them. So that's what I did. But I wasn't just doing that only. I was doing that because I wanted to escape into a new creative project. And7:18Luckily I came to my senses and I reversed all that. I mean, I lost a couple of days of my life doing that, but luckily I did. But my point here is that it's an escape mechanism that could be good or bad. I don't think it makes us smaller. I don't think it's necessarily a limitation.7:41I think it can be expansive. I think it could open up the world. I think it can take us wonderful places. But I do acknowledge that it can be destructive too. So I launched into this brand new project. I escaped my stress and my disappointment by launching myself into this new project8:00that was going to be all about metaphysics and dream work which is a special interest of mine and always will be but it's not it's not the central thing it's not what I want to be the central thing so but I did it and it was interesting because I read a really good blog8:18article about that and I will put I will put the name of the author in the show notes but her name is Karen Sherriff And she has a blog on Substack that I read. And she expanded on something Dr. Regan said. Dr. Regan said, when we escape like this, we should look at it for clues,8:43clues about what is going on in our interstates. And I thought that Karen took it a little further because she said how she looks at it is in terms of let's investigate. And I love that. And she had had experience where she had put8:59a post on tiktok i believe and it had gone viral so she was constantly getting pinged about this post and trying to keep up with responding and and dealing with all that and it was dysregulating for her she got very stressed and she took down9:16all her social media and she started thinking about how she wanted to move i think to devon She wanted to move essentially to the country. And she was actually like thinking about this. So this she was in a flight reaction. She was trying to escape.9:31And she said when she kind of came to her senses, she thought, well. let's investigate. And I love that approach. And she looked at what she was going to do almost the way you would look at a dream, which I think is brilliant. And it's along the lines of what Dr. Regan was saying,9:49but in a little more expansive way, I thought. And so she said to herself, well, what does Devin or wherever she was going to move represent? Like it represents peace and freedom and solitude and all these things that She was lacking all these things that the situation with the social media blowing10:09up and not being able to handle it. She needed these things. So it made sense to escape to that. And I thought, wow, that's kind of what happened to me when I decided to take down all my autism media and all my things about creativity and fiction writing.10:28It was because I wanted to launch myself into completely focusing on metaphysics. And there's nothing wrong with focusing on metaphysics. I mean, I kept a metaphysical blog, The Mystic Review, since 2010, and I still write in it. And it's a special interest, and it always will be.10:47But since I got my autism diagnosis, spirituality is not the overriding theme of my life. And it's kind of like, and I've mentioned this before, but Sarah Gibbs in her book, Drama Queen, talks about how And relationships were the overriding theme of her life until she got her autism diagnosis.11:06And then she realized that she was looking for answers in relationships with men. And now she had the answer, which was autism. So she didn't have to do that anymore. And a similar thing happened to me with spirituality. I'm still very interested in metaphysics. I still write down my dreams. I attend a dream group.11:25I'm really into young and dreams. And it'll always be a part of me. But it doesn't define me anymore. It's not who I am. It's not the place where I'm trying to find the answers. I mean, dream guidance, yes. I think it's a really good compensating mechanism for autistics. Well, maybe do an episode on that.11:44But it's not who I am anymore. So going off to chuck all my old media and escape into this metaphysical media was... was an odd move. It was a dysfunctional, dysregulated thing to do. So I thought, let's investigate, you know, what does that mean? What does metaphysics mean? And it happened to mean the things that I needed.12:10And these were things, this was all about interstates. This is about doing things in the external world to try to regulate our inner state. And this is something that most autistic people have had to learn to do for themselves because the neurotypical world, I think the neurotypical world is very regulating for neurotypicals,12:34but it's not very regulating for us. So that's part of the reason, in my opinion, we develop special interests and that we have this relationship really brilliant, beautiful way of escaping that can get out of hand. And I think it's good to be aware of that. So I found all of this material really interesting.12:55And I think it's something to be aware of as creatives. I have personally like cognitive therapy. It's great in theory, but it's personally, and if you like it, I don't want to discourage you, but it's personally never worked for me. I go from zero to 60 in the blink of an eye.13:15My escape mechanism of plunging into projects is something that happens almost instantaneously for me. I don't think I'll ever learn to like nip it in the bud. But that doesn't mean you can't wake up and think, what am I doing? Where am I? And why? And I think it's the why that's important. So... Being creative is stressful.13:40It's very stressful. There's all kinds of things mixed up in it, like perfectionism and being criticized and fear of being seen. There's so many things that, particularly to autistic individuals who may have history with being criticized or bullied or dismissed or made to feel all kinds of terrible things, It's tough for us.14:03It's tough to do things and to put it out there. And it's not anything that you should beat yourself up for if you find it dysregulating, because at times it will be. It just will. And sometimes when you get dysregulated and you escape into like some crazy kind of direction you didn't expect to go in,14:21you discover something amazing. And that's happened to me before. But sometimes you're just kind of, making a mistake, you're kind of leaving something important behind. And I think it's important to be able to see that to pull yourself back. So that's what I wanted to talk about today.14:38I'm sure there's more to say on this, more to say on escape mechanisms, more to say on stress. But this is what just one small aspect of it that I felt applied to me. So I made the decision that from now on, when I find myself changing directions unexpectedly I'm going to just stop and say let's investigate15:01and and see what might have precipitated it and see why I might have chose that thing and then take that insight and kind of factor back into what I'm doing which I think is what I did I realized through that episode I realized that I was pushing myself too hard I needed to dial things back.15:25I needed to adjust my expectations and my own writing ability. I needed to take steps. That doesn't mean something like that will never happen again. Probably the first bad Amazon review I get on this story, I'm going to freak out and take it off Amazon, but eventually probably put it back up. But my point is,15:46There's insight to be had from these things. It's not a total waste of time. And I think it's important that we look at it. And there are times it does hurt us. I still don't think it makes us smaller, but I think it does hurt us at times. So that's what I wanted to talk about today.16:02I know it's kind of a quick episode, but I hope it was helpful. And I hope to see you again next time. I'm doing the podcast now on the first and third Fridays of the month. So I will see you guys again in the third Friday of April. And until then, this is Barbara Graver of Autistic POV.16:25And thank you very much for listening.______________

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In this episode of Autistic POV, I share 7 ways writing fiction has been helpful to me. Some of these benefits go all the way back to childhood. I discovered others as I wrote my upcoming vampire novel (Trancing Miranda). I wanted to share this info because I think that other autistic people might find this way of looking at storytelling helpful. Having said that, please note—these are my own personal perks. Not all autistic writers will have the same experience and I would love to hear any differences that might pop up on your list!

Also, please note, these are interpersonal benefits that have nothing to do with building a business or making money.

Check out my blog at barbaragraver.substack.com. You can read the blog without signing up for the free subscription, but if you subscribe, you'll get articles and media via email PLUS updates on my vampire novel (including discounts and freebies)

If you like this content, please consider subscribing, liking, commenting or sharing—or all of the above!

And thank you for listening!!!

UPDATE: I tried calling the blog Autistic POV for a while but I felt like it didn’t really explain the range of content so I went back to Writing After Dark. I think using dark kind suggests dreamwork and am I writing (and talking) about autism (in addition to dreamwork and my writing.)

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There is more than one way to share our autism story! In this episode of Autistic POV, I talk about my experience sharing my own story through memoir writing and online media—with a focus on what did and didn't work for me and why.

I also chat about my substack blog, my special interest blog and other resources. I promised to provide links these, so here they are:

• Metaphysical blog (special interest blog) MysticReview.com
• Substack blog (some special interest posts plus autism podcast episodes and articles) BarbaraGraver.substack.com
• My article Autism and the Narrative Process (barbaragraver.substack.com/p/autism-and-the-narrative-process) touches on Julie Brown's book Writers on the Spectrum. The book is more geared toward fiction, but I found it helpful.
• Link for my Podbean website (as mentioned in the episode): AutisticPOV.com
• My autism diagnosis / bipolar misdiagnosis episode is EP 3 in app or online at https://www.autisticpov.com/e/late-autism-diagnosis-bipolar-misdiagnosis-and-being-vulnerable/

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How a recent synchronicity helped me apply a bit of Jungian theory to a dream (The Spirit Dream) whose full meaning has eluded me. This synchronicity explained what a synchronicity was, provided an example of a synchronicity, AND helped crack a dream I've been wrestling with forever! You can read the blog post on this experience on the Mystic Review (MysticReview.com) here: A Creation in Time: Jungian Synchronicity, a Very Special Dream and My New Favorite Podcast

You can also read the Spirit Dream in full here: The Spirit Dream and let me know what you think! And if you like my content please subscribe, comment and/or share!!! Please Note: I misspoke when I was talking about Jung's concept of the self. It is psychoid membrane NOT memory :)

Also, I don't do a very good job explaining Jung (or Murray Stein) here, so if you want a little more depth please check out the Murray Stein quote in the blog post or the original video on This Jungian Life!

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My experience with working a job vs. following my calling and how this relates to autism. As a late diagnosed autistic, I now feel that my original job choice was actually a form of masking that interfered with my ability to engage in my true calling. In this episode, I talk a bit about how that happened and why I think it's so important for autistic people to embrace their special interests, honor their true selves and follow their unique calling #autismacceptance #autistic #autism

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Episode Transcript:0:06Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graver and I started this podcast to share a bit of my journey as a late diagnosed autistic. Hi everybody, this is Barbara Graver. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Autistic POV. Today we're going to be talking about work versus calling.0:31In other words, a job versus what you were born to do. And the reason I wanted to do this, well, two reasons. The first was that when I did our last episode, the Autistic Reading Roundup, I talked about several books that I'd read, science fiction books, several memoirs. And these were all books written by autistic authors.0:54And all of these authors or their characters struggled to find what it is that they were meant to do. And I think that's a struggle that is pretty much universal, certainly not confined to the neurodiverse. But in all the memoirs I read, autistic people had a lot of trouble with work. They had trouble fitting in at work.1:16They had trouble finding the right place to work. They had trouble dealing with colleagues. And I certainly have experienced that too all my life. So I think work is a big issue for a lot of autistic people. Certainly has been for me.1:30And I think the key to all that is the kind of work that we choose to do. That's my theory. So a job, it's the even exchange. You give a certain amount of yourself and you get compensated. And what you're giving may not be who you are. It may not move you.1:51You may not feel passionate about it. You might not enjoy giving it, but you do it to get the compensation. And sometimes this is okay. This can be okay. I've had jobs where it was okay. But I think a calling, on the other hand, is something you would do even if nobody paid you.2:08You would still show up because you love it, because you're not just making an exchange. You're sharing something of yourself that you need to share, that you feel called to share, that you want to share, and that you love to share. And I think this is huge. Particularly for me,2:27my special interest was always had to do with, I guess you would say communication, which is a little ironic because I'm very bad at face-to-face communication. But I loved communicating through story. I would draw a series of pictures that told stories. I would stay awake all night pretending and constructing these elaborate worlds in my mind and characters.2:54And I would escape into that all the time. And I loved it. I would write the stories down. I would illustrate them. I would make little books. I just loved it. And I always had social problems. But when I was younger,3:08I was kind of able to fit in with the neighborhood kids because I grew up in the 60s and 70s. So That was when playing pretend was a big deal because we didn't have a lot of the stuff that kids have now. Like we had to create our own worlds. And I was always really good at that.3:26I was the idea person when we would. want to create a pretend scenario, I was the one who did it and did it well and had the ideas and kind of kept things going. And so that was an outlet for me. It was a way I could interact with other kids for a time.3:45I mean, obviously, as I got older, that no longer worked. The point is, story was always huge to me. I loved to read. I loved to watch TV. I loved media. I loved to draw. I was very creative and it all kind of revolved around the idea of story. But as I got older,4:05I began to look at more and more, look at other people and how other people were living and how other people were acting. And as I experienced more and more social setbacks and social troubles, I decided to model myself more and more after other people. In grade school, I even changed my handwriting.4:26I still have two completely different kinds of handwriting because there was a girl who was very popular, and I would actually copy her handwriting. I started to write like her because I wanted to be like her. And I fell into this, this is my dog shaking her collar. I began to mask.4:47I began to want to behave like other people because that was safer than behaving like me because I didn't want to target on my back. I didn't want to be different. Even if it meant not being creative, even if it meant not doing the things I loved, I wanted to be like other people.5:01I wanted to blend in. So I worked really, really hard at that all through high school. I worked super hard at it in college, and it was stressful. And I'll talk more about masking and the toll it took on me maybe in another episode. But I think picking a career became part of the facade for me.5:21I wanted to do something that was normal, quote, and acceptable. And I wanted to be just like everybody else. And it's kind of sad when you think about it, that you have people who maybe could be an author or playwright or artist,5:39and they don't want to do any of that stuff because they don't want to be outlier. They want to be like everybody else. And that was where I was at. So I went away to school the first time. I majored in experimental psychology. And I did have an interest in experimental psychology, and I still do.5:55But college was not for me. I found college very difficult. I left school. I came back a few years later. And at that point, I had a child and I wanted to be practical. But more than that, I wanted to be ordinary. That was my goal.6:09And it's so sad to think now that there are a lot of us who could be extraordinary. And still, what a lot of people still want most is to be just average. And it's sad, but Average does not put a target on your back, and exceptional does. And I wanted to be average,6:31and I'm not saying anything against the career I chose because I've known people who, when I decided to be a nurse, and I've known people who have gone into nursing who are exemplary nurses. They're extraordinary nurses. They're so good at it, and they're so gifted at caring for people, and they're so intelligent,6:50and they do a great job. And I'm not putting that down. But I didn't choose nursing for those reasons. I chose nursing because it was what everybody else was doing. And I wanted to be like everybody else. So even though I didn't have a great aptitude for science, I mean, I could get through science,7:10but my real aptitude was for English. When I took my SATs, my English score was practically double what my math scores were. And Part of that was because I didn't go to school, but also part of it was because that was my natural aptitude was always for English. I always tested really, really high on things like that.7:34That was my special interest, and yet I chose to major in nursing because I wanted to be just an average girl with an average family. And I got my nursing license, and I went to work, and I raised a family, and I tried to do things the way other people did things, and it just imploded.7:58It definitely imploded. But I think what really is... The main way that it was damaging for me was that I was so sensitive and being in the hospital and being around people who were being brutalized by modern medicine was extraordinarily traumatic for me. I had a lot of trouble coping with it.8:25And I did it, but I just was hanging on like by the skin of my teeth the whole time and It was just really awful for me. It was really hard. And sometimes I think I did a good job, and sometimes I did a mediocre job, but it was not where my gifts slide.8:43And I think that's true of a lot of people. I think a lot of us, we want an identity, a specific identity, and we want to keep our heads down, and so we pick something safe. And there's no true safety in that. I don't think there's any true safety in that, I think, ultimately.9:01that situation can become at least emotionally unsafe for a lot of people. And that's what happened to me. And when other stresses in my life began to pile up, I got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore. And I talked a little bit about this in the last podcast, too.9:18But my point is this was a form of masking for me. To be a nurse was a mask. I actually envisioned myself not as somebody helping people or making a difference, but as a typical girl in a white uniform fitting in.9:35That was where I wanted to be, and that's what I did until I couldn't, until I couldn't do it anymore. And it was always hard for me. I never really fit in with the other nurses and I never really felt, I always felt like I was struggling just to, just to do a good job. And9:58I was somewhat successful. I got promoted everywhere I worked. I was in administration and supervisory positions, and I wrote policies, and I was always good at solving problems. So people like that. Administrators like the person who sees the problem and writes the policy. They like that person. And so I always was getting promoted. And that was fine.10:22That was fine. But I never really fit in. I was never happy. I was very stressed. I was just always, always terrified of making a mistake. I would wake up in the middle of the night worrying. I did like people. I liked the patients. I liked helping people. I did like that.10:38But it just wasn't who I was. And I think that is an issue. I think that's something everybody's susceptible to. Certainly everybody, everybody has a work identity and a home identity. Everybody likes the idea of having a certain persona. I mean, there are people who are doctors or lawyers or bartenders that they love that persona.10:59Like it makes them happy and there's nothing wrong with that. But I think that if you're autistic, you have to be very careful about what, you ask yourself to do and what you expose yourself to. And I never really was. When I was in school,11:19I would get up in the morning to go to clinical and I would just feel like I did when I was in grade school. I would feel so stressed and like sick and shaky and depressed and everything would seem so dark and awful and I just I didn't I wasn't11:35diagnosed and I thought everybody feels like this everybody feels like this and I'm the baby that can't push myself through this so I was at a big disadvantage in a lot of ways but I picked picked the wrong thing and I kind of paid for it because I11:52spent a lot of years I spent about 13 years I guess in nursing and that was kind of all for nothing because I'm not doing that now and I'm not going back to it. And so my education and a lot of my work experience was just kind of wasted. And not only was it wasted,12:10but it took up time that I could have spent doing what I really wanted to do, what I really love and what I'm doing now, which is writing. And that the time I spent doing the wrong thing, the job, took away from the important thing, the calling. And I'm lucky. I feel I'm lucky to have realized that.12:31I feel I'm lucky to now, at this point in my life, be writing full-time and able to do that. And I'm really grateful for that. But I do think that masking had a lot to do with why I kind of went wrong. And writing in full-time, even though it's my calling, is not 100% problem-free. There are issues...12:55I think, related to autism that have to do even with pursuing your calling. And I might talk a little bit more about that in the next episode. But I do. I'm writing fiction full time now. I'm blogging. I'm doing the podcast. I'm thinking of writing memoir. I'm writing, writing, writing. I love to write.13:16I could write 16 hours a day, probably. I try not to, but I could. And That's pretty much what I wanted to say about masking and working and calling. I think it's really important for anyone who is autistic to try to find work that is as closely aligned to their calling as possible.13:44Obviously, getting a job as an artist or a novelist does not... really thing and it's hard to do and it's competitive and there's a lot of challenges inherent in that but there are a lot of careers that are adjacent that can be very fulfilling to people and I think it depends what your love is your14:09special interest might be highly highly practical if you have a very practical special interest if your special interest is has to do with technology In any form, you're probably a little bit ahead of the curve as far as working. If your special interest tends to be more creative,14:26you're going to have to be more creative to find that thing that you could either do part-time or that thing that you could do full-time that might be adjacent. But I do think it's possible. And I think the main point of it all is not finding the right14:44job i think the main point of it is honoring who you really are and i think if i had to say one thing that really tripped me up it was not honoring who i was and that's what masking is and that's why masking is so detrimental it's just such a15:03soul crushing terrible thing to mask and i just wanted to share a little bit of my experience and in hopes that this would kind of resonate with someone else and that if you have a special interest if you're especially if you're a younger person like going15:23into the workforce for the first time look at your aptitudes and look at your special interests and look at what makes you happy and try to find something if you can that's close to that like try as hard as you can And I know for me,15:39it was very important for me to have a secure job and to take care of my child and to be a productive person. But being yourself is really, that is why you're here, I think. And to do what brings you joy and brings other people joy, hopefully. And if you're lucky, pays the bills. But that, to me...16:02If I had it all do over, that would be the last thing on my list. I have to say that honestly. So as far as my writing, I do have issues around writing that are autism related. I have issues with plotting. I have issues with multiple issues with storytelling that makes it difficult for me.16:24And I'm going to talk about some of that a little bit more in the next episode. But this is it. for today, kind of all over the place. I hope it was helpful, and I will see you next time, and until then, this is Barbara Graver of Autistic POV, and thank you very much for listening._______________

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In my first reading roundup I talk about a wonderful Sci-Fi series and three incredible memoirs. All of the books covered are written by autistic women. The memoirs detail the lived experience of three amazing late-diagnosed autistic females. And the Sci-Fi series features an autistic protagonist central to the adventure. Just as interesting, in my opinion, the theme of finding our true autistic calling is central to each of these books.

All of the books featured are available in ebook. They are:

• Xandri Corelel Series (affiliate link) by Kaia Sønderby : 0. Testing Pandora, 1. Failure to Communicate, 2. Tone of Voice
• Drama Queen (affiliate link) by Sara Gibbs
• Label Me (affiliate link) by Francesca Baird
• U Don't Seem Autistic (affiliate link) by Kathleen Schubert

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In this episode, I talk a bit about my journey to a (very) late autism diagnosis, understanding vulnerability, and how I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder for almost 20 years. Also a bit about why I've switched gears (and intros) since the last podcast.

Memoir I loved: Drama Queen by Sara Gibbs

autism #autistic #late-diagnosis #mentalheath

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Freewriting can help us improve creativity, explore identity, and even improve physical and emotional health. In this episode, we explore the practice and benefits of freewriting with an emphasis on how autistic people might benefit in the three key areas of creativity, identity, and healing.

I wanted to share the following resources related to this episode:

• A short summary of evidence-based research on freewriting and creativity is available on the University of Bolten website in the article Psychological Benefits of Free Writing.
• A very nice PDF on the benefits of freewriting and the research of Dr. Pennebaker is available from the University of Wisconsin: Therapeutic Journaling PDF
• You may also want to check out the book Expressive Writing by by James W. Pennebaker and John Frank Evans

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autism #freewriting #autistic

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Welcome to the first episode of the Autistic Writers Podcast! My name is Barbara Graver, and this is a place where I will be sharing information and resources specific to autism and writing. In this first episode, I talk a bit about autism and creativity, autistic character traits and strengths and my plans for the podcast. I hope you'll check back and please do follow the show!

autism #autisticwriters #autistic

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Just wanted to share the welcome to my new (actually reclaimed) YouTube channel. All of my podcasts will be posting to YouTube. Many, though probably not all, will have video. So if you like to listen on YouTube please check out YouTube.com/MysticReview!

Learn more about the Rhine Institute at RhineOnline.org!

dreams #paranormal #video

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What can we do to build a better relationship with our Guardian Angel? What is one key thing we can do in order to benefit from his guidance?

In this episode of the podcast I talk about the first of Fr. Matthew Hinck's 12 steps to building a better friendship with our guardian angel.

The Scripture reference for this episode is drawn from Luke 1 & 2 which talks about St. Gabriel's annunciation to the Blessed Mother and Gabriel's earlier visit to Zacharias to announce the birth of St. John the Baptist.

The teaching reference for the episode is Fr. Matthew Hinck's retreat conference The Guardian Angels and Our Spiritual Life which is available as an MP3 download from OpusAngelorum.org here.

To read a short article on being in a state of grace, please check out the following PDF.

Thank you for listening and please remember to follow the show!

For more on the angels, discernment and spiritual warfare, please follow the show!

• You can listen to my testimony angelsbesideus.com/e/returning-to-the-church-my-testimony-part-2/
• Or download my written testimony as a free PDF at BarbaraGraver.com/my-testimony
• For more about me check out my website at BarbaraGraver.com

angels #guardianangels #guardianangel

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Why I decided to podcast on God's holy angels and a few key communication differences between our Guardian angel and the demonic. I also talk about what the new show will be like going forward. Please note: I'm not an authority on the angels (though I do know more about demons than I would like) so I'll be sharing a lot of information from other resources. One my primary resources is the Opus Angeloum, a Catholic order that helps people better understand the role of the angels in our lives.

For more on the angels, discernment and spiritual warfare, please follow the show!

• You can listen to my testimony angelsbesideus.com/e/returning-to-the-church-my-testimony-part-2/
• Or download my written testimony as a free PDF at BarbaraGraver.com/my-testimony

angels #guardianangels #guardianangel

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In this episode, I talk about my new course of study - God's holy angels - and the reality of our personal guardian angel. I also talk about the direction this is taking in terms of my upcoming content and share a great resource for further study OpusAngelorum.org (I mistakenly said dot com in the video). 

Future episodes of the podcast will be focusing on what I'm learning about the holy angels, so please check back for more!

angels #guardianangel #archangelmichael

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The Pope's Exorcist with Russell Crowe was a typical Hollywood movie with over the top special effects. But it did get some things about exorcism right and was not a bad movie over all. In this podcast, I share my views on the movie and on exorcism and Fr. Gabriele Amorth, upon whom the film was loosely based.

For more on me, check out my website at https://barbaragraver.com/

thepopesexorcist #exorcism #russellcrowe

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In this episode I talk about how and why you should share your testimony about coming (or returning) to the Faith. I also share the four step model St. Paul used when he shared his testimony in Acts 22 and how you can adapt that model to your own story. Learning about St. Paul's method was timely for me because I am writing a short ebook about my experience in the New Age and occult but I believe that everyone has a story and that we should all be sharing it. Whether you share your testimony in a book, a podcast, on YouTube, with your Church or simply with a friend, I encourage you to find your voice and do it. Witnessing about what God has done in our lives is never wasted!

CatholicReversion #CatholicTestimony #ChristianTestimony

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In the this episode I talk about the new Netflix series "Lockwood & Co." and a great horror flick, The Vigil. Lockwood and Co. airs tomorrow so my comments are based on the YA book series by Jonathan Stroud and intended to give Catholic viewers an idea of what to expect from the stream. The Vigil is a 2019 film that is currently available to stream. I watched it this weekend and liked how it provides a Jewish perspective on exorcism and demonology. 

I can only comment on the first book in the series of Lockwood & Co. but so far, the main focus is on ghost hunting and other aspects of the paranormal. I expect the same focus in the series. But I will be updating you on that once I've seen it.

I also share a few personal updates. The older episode (on Prey 

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What is the real message of Christmas? And how can even good TV Christmas specials crowd it out?

In this Christmas episode I compare two of my favorite TV Christmas specials in order to explore these questions and more. 

Wishing you and yours a wonderful Christ filled Christmas!

ChristmasSpecials #thegrinch #CharlieBrown

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On the surface the film Prey for the Devil is about exorcism and the (superior) power of a female exorcist but there are other subtler points made that are worth looking at. To me, there are other anti-Catholic themes in this movie that are almost subliminal in delivery. It's worth considering, in my opinion, why this is.

UPDATE: I've just recently moved my blog to BarbaraGraver.com/blog

PLEASE NOTE: I have been doing more and more reviews on the podcast and am really enjoying them. So I have now rebranded as The Catholic Critic. Future episodes will continue to talk about occult and anti-Catholic themes in popular media under the new name.

• Check out my website at BarbaraGraver.com
• Visit my Etsy shop at CatholicBookAndCard.com

If you liked this content, please consider subscribing to my podcast or email list: http://eepurl.com/dwW47n

moviereviews #exorcist #Catholic

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In this episode I look at Near-Death Experience as described by Dr. Ray Moody and studied by Dr. Jeffrey Long and compare this info to my own demonic experience and the work of Catholic exorcist Fr. Chad Ripperger.

For more on this topic please follow my podcast!

You may also want to check out my blog and testimony at OfLightAndDark.com

neardeathexperience #FrRipperger #NDE #neardeathexperiences #catholicism #demonology

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In this episode I talk about the concept of a Catholic "Rule of Life" and how that concept is directly opposed by the teachings of occultists like Aleister Crowley and Gerald Gardener.  Topics covered include what a Rule of Life is, how have a rule can help us withstand the many influences of popular culture.

For more on this and related topics please check out my blog at OfLightAndDark.com

To hear Fr. Ripperger's teaching on developing a Rule of Life please check out this video.

occultism #catholicism #spirituality

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I finally did make it to the Traditional Latin Mass and talk a bit about how I feel about it in this podcast. I also discuss my personal testimony about leaving the New Age and occult to return to the Catholic faith and share where you can read it (for free) both in the podcast and via the links below. #TLM #testimony #catholic

• To read my testimony please visit my blog at OfLightAndDark.com/p/my-story.html
• Or download it as a free PDF on my author website here: BarbaraGraver.com/new-age-to-catholic/
• To learn more about the SSPX please check out SSPXpodcast.com
• Watch the documentary on Archbishop Lefebvre here youtube.com/watch?v=Cf9oy7wDkms

And please don't forget to follow my podcast, if you don't already!

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In this episode I share an EVP from my days as a paranormal investigator and talk a bit about the dangers of paranormal investigation from a Catholic perspective.  #EVP #paranormal #paranormalinvestigation #ghosts  

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In this episode I talk about the book The Anti-Mary Exposed by Carrie Gress and the topic of toxic femininity in my own experience. This book does a great job of presenting the dark history of feminism, the impact toxic femininity has had on our culture and the many issues with goddess worship. And I agree with all of it!

toxicfeminism #toxicfemininity #carriegress

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This is a single word EVP recording that has not been manipulated or altered in any way. To most people, it sounds like the word 'good' pronounced with a German accent. What is interesting about this EVP, is that the voice (near the end of the recording) seems to commenting on the human conversation that precedes it. I found the quality of the voice telling, too. If I had to guess at how a demon might sound, this would be it. I will doing a future episode of the topic of paranormal investigation but wanted to make the clip available as a single download.

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I decided to start My Spot on the Spectrum by sharing two podcasts from my old show - part one and two of my testimony.  Since I plan to talk about autism, creativity and faith in the podcast, I think that's okay.  This episode shares the 2nd half of my testimony about leaving the new age and occult and returning to my Catholic faith.  Part 1 focuses a bit more about my background, while this part talks about how God brought me back to the Catholic faith.  Both parts share on the new age and occult.  My apologies for the audio on this podcast.  It wasn't done 'in-studio' and you can tell.  My next episode 

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I decided to start My Spot on the Spectrum by sharing two podcasts from my old show - part one and two of my testimony.  Since I plan to talk about autism, creativity and faith in the podcast, I think that's okay.  This is part one.  I recorded it when I was hosting my previous podcast in 2018.   In it, I talk about my experience in the new age and occult and  my personal journey from New Age seeker to committed Christian.  In Part 2 I will be talking about how my journey eventually led me back home to the Catholic faith. 

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My recent experience with New Age meditation and why I started this podcast and related YouTube channel by Barbara Graver.  #newagedeception #spiritualwarfare #catholic