Secure Marriage: Recent Episodes
Paul & Shannon Elmore
If you’ve found yourself wondering why the attraction you once felt has faded, you’re not alone. It also doesn’t always mean your marriage is beyond repair. On today’s episode, Shannon and I talk about what changing attraction can really be telling you, how emotional disconnection often shapes physical attraction, and what it looks like to rebuild closeness with honesty and compassion. If you’re longing to feel connected again, we hope this conversation gives you both practical insight and genuine hope for healing your marriage.
Life is made up of seasons, and every season asks something different of your marriage. As Shannon and I enter a new chapter ourselves, we talk about the changes we’re experiencing, what we’re learning, and why embracing new seasons with intention matters. If your relationship feels different than it used to, we hope this conversation helps you see change with less fear and more hope. Every season brings new challenges—but it also brings new opportunities to grow closer together.
When you’re hurt or frustrated, it’s easy for your thoughts to turn into accusations and internal statements of blame. In this episode, Shannon and I talk about why accusations are so damaging to emotional safety, even when the pain behind them is real. We explore why accusations shut you down emotionally, what they’re often trying to protect, and how to communicate hurt without attacking your spouse. If you want more understanding and less defensiveness, this conversation will help you take a gentler step forward together.
2026 feels like a fresh page, and maybe you’re sensing a desire for more—more connection, more laughter, more shared experiences with the person you love. Adventures don’t have to be big or expensive to change a marriage, but they do have to be intentional.
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I talk about some of the shared adventures we’re planning on doing over the next 12 months, why they matter so much in our marriage, and how they quietly strengthen our trust, friendship, and emotional connection. We also want to help you create meaningful moments together in your own marriage and do the little (or crazy) things that bring you closer, one experience at a time.
Forgiving your husband after he’s caused deep emotional pain can feel overwhelming. You may want healing, but you don’t want to excuse what happened or rush past the hurt you’re still carrying.
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I talk about what forgiveness actually requires and what it doesn’t. We share how to honor your pain, protect your heart, and begin moving toward emotional healing without pressure or pretense. If you’re feeling caught between resentment and the hope for peace, we want you to know you’re not alone, and this conversation may help you take the next step forward.
Why do we immediately put up walls when someone says ‘You’ve hurt my feelings’?
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll discover the psychological reason behind this universal response and learn a simple but powerful reframe that can transform these vulnerable moments into opportunities for deeper intimacy. This insight completely changed how Shannon and I handle hurt feelings—and it will change your marriage too.
Want to make your spouse smile more, without grand gestures or big talks? In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I share the surprisingly simple trick that shifted the tone in our own marriage (and no, it’s not what you think). You’ll hear how this one small change can create big happiness at home—and how you can try it today. Don’t miss it!
If you’re feeling stuck or wondering if your marriage therapy is even working, this is the episode where we break down the hidden signs of progress most couples miss, share why slow growth is often the best kind, and reveal what to do if things feel stagnant. Don’t give up too soon—tune in and discover what breakthrough might be just around the corner!
Ever wonder what truly creates the deepest connection in a relationship? In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I unpack the one practice that can completely transform how you and your spouse relate to each other.
Drawing from my twenty years as a marriage therapist and thirty two years from our own marriage we’ll share a simple approach that builds intimacy, trust, and understanding like nothing else. You won’t want to miss these game-changing insights!
If you’re not careful, comparison can creep in and quietly start sabotaging your relationship. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I dive into how measuring your relationship against yourself can erode trust, intimacy, and connection. Find out why comparison is more toxic than you think, how to stop it in its tracks, and how to protect your relationship from this silent killer.
Are you in the middle of a marriage separation? In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I talk about the one thing that’s pushing your spouse further away—and how to rebuild attraction the right way. Even though some of our suggestions are counterintuitive, we’ll show you how to focus on becoming the healthiest version of yourself and create the kind of transformation that draws your spouse back naturally. If you’re feeling lost, we hope this episode will give you a roadmap to hope and healing.
Feeling dismissed when you try to share your emotions with your husband? In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I unpack why your husband thinks your feelings are the “wrong” feelings—and, more importantly, how the two of you can bridge the gap. Our hope is that we can help you turn frustration into deeper connection and understanding and this transformative conversation will change how you communicate forever.
Does your wife just want to vent, but you can’t resist jumping in to fix things? In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I tackle why your ‘helpful’ solutions might be backfiring—and what to do instead. Discover the surprising secret to truly supporting your wife, strengthening your connection, and avoiding unnecessary conflict. This game-changing insight will transform how you show up in your marriage!
Is your marriage feeling more like a battleground than a partnership? On this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I share the six simple steps that helped us rebuild trust, improve communication, and rediscover joy in our relationship. If your marriage feels stuck, we hope this episode offers a roadmap to lasting change.
“Do you and your spouse struggle to tackle challenges as a team? In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Paul & Shannon share how they’ve learned to align their strengths and overcome ‘me versus you’ mindsets in their marriage. Discover the simple strategies that helped them turn conflict into collaboration—and how you can too!”
Once again, I’ve been an imperfect husband. Unknowingly, over the last several months, I’ve been doing something that has made my wife feel unloved and unimportant. In today’s podcast, you’ll hear us work through the issue together, and see what it looks like to get reconnected again.
Sometimes, my wife comes up with some CRAZY dreams and ideas. It’s in those moments that my true character as her husband is revealed.
On today’s podcast, you’ll hear about Shannon’s latest “adventure” and what a joy it was being her biggest cheerleader (minus the pom poms).
Want to work on having a happier marriage while enjoying the beautiful blue waters and white sandy beaches of the Caribbean? Listen in on the conversations from the couples who went on our 2024 Secure Marriage Cruise and hear how their marriages have changed for the better.
Ever had to make a decision which is guaranteed to make at least one person angry, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to get out of it?
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll give you crystal clear instructions on what to do if your friend tells you they’re having an affair, but doesn’t want you to tell their spouse. Buckle up.
What are you supposed to think (or do)when you’ve told your husband for years that you want to be celebrated on your birthday, and he still completely forgets or does lame last-minute things? That’s what we’re tackling on today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
P.S. We’re also taking a painful walk down memory lane and talking about some of the ways I hurt Shannon because of my deep lack of self-awareness.
Do you know how to get emotionally reconnected after a fight? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll walk you through the secret recipe you need to know that will make your wife’s heart melt with love and affection.
We understand that you get frustrated with your wife and kids at times. But losing control and blowing up on your family does damage that can last for years.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll look at why losing your temper is actually causing more problems than it’s solving, and the two times it’s actually okay to express really strong emotions at your spouse or children.
If you spend a lot of time beating yourself up internally, chances are you’re pretty critical of everyone else around you, including your spouse.
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re exploring how shame becomes a toxic element in your relationship and why it’s important to become the healthiest version of yourself.
Remember the last time you or your spouse blew up in anger during a fight? Remember what they said and how they acted. Now imagine the same fight except without the blow up. How would things have gone differently? How would it have felt.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re introducing you to the little known technique that can remove almost all angry outbursts from your relationship.
Shannon and I have committed to doing planks everyday of 2024. So far, we’ve kept our promise despite being sick for the first two weeks of the year. So what does this have to do with marriage? You’ll have to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast to find out.
Husbands… have you ever woken up and the first thing you realize is, your wife’s really mad at you? Welcome to my world today.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re inviting you into our humor-filled morning of a wife who didn’t get enough sleep. Buckle up!
It’s Christmas Day on the podcast, and out of the goodness of our hearts, we’ll share with you the RIGHT way to pick a Christmas Tree… which obviously is Shannon’s way. 😁
Merry Christmas to everyone who so kindly listens and supports us here at Secure Marriage. Without you, we wouldn’t be able to do what we do.
At some point in your marriage, you’ve probably said (either verbally or internally), “We’re sooooo in love!” And I have no doubt that this was (and maybe still is) true. But being in love will never be enough to have a healthy and secure Marriage.
“Why?”
I’m so glad you asked. That’s what we’re covering in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
P.S., If you’re a husband who’s finally realized you need to do something to rebuild your relationship with you wife, check out my new one-on-one coaching program for men.
Fixing a marriage when one spouse is not willing to do the work can be challenging. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we talk about the difficult decisions a spouse has to face when they realize they’re alone in wanting to improve their relationship.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll teach you the fine art of turning your loving husband into a certified expert in avoidance tactics. Forget about teamwork, communication, and shared responsibilities—we’re here to show you how to master the art of making your man conveniently disappear whenever there’s work to be done. After […]
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re sharing some insights that underscore how acts of selflessness and generosity can lead to thriving relationships.
From the small gestures that strengthen emotional bonds to larger sacrifices that shape the foundation of lasting relationships, we uncover why embracing the philosophy of giving ultimately paves the way for a fulfilling and enduring marital journey.
When you can understand and manage your own and others’ emotions, especially in the midst of complex and stressful situations, you’ve finally mastered the essential skill of emotional intelligence.
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show you how EQ will help you to communicate, collaborate, and positively influence your spouse despite them having a different perspective, culture, or background.
Earlier today, Shannon typed a question about marriage and relationships into an AI engine and was stunned by the response she received. Surprising, the answer it returned showed a strong bias against husbands.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll share with you the response she got and what it means for men who are striving to be the best husband possible.
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about the art of creating unforgettable moments for your spouse. Through self-less, intentional acts of service, you can learn how to fill your spouse’s cup and make them feel loved and cared for.
🎉 Celebrate with us on our monumental 300th episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast! Join Shannon and I in this special episode as we reflect on the most memorable moments, groundbreaking revelations, and heartwarming testimonials that have made our journey together so extraordinary. Tune in as we raise a toast to love, trust, and unbreakable […]
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage podcast, Shannon and I try to answer the question “Why is it so […]
When you become aware of something that needs to change in your life, it’s not always easy knowing how to […]
It’s not easy to be emotionally vulnerable in front of your wife (or pretty much anyone). For a lot of […]
(A little FYI… Last week, we released a different episode with this week’s title. (Doh!!) While I have some words […]
Showing love to your spouse is an important part of a healthy and happy marriage—even when you don’t feel like […]
Over the last week, I haven’t been a kind and loving husband. The times I’ve been wrong, I’ve responded with […]
Does it feel like your husband spends more time on his phone than with you? Are you starting to get […]
Are you able to anticipate what your husband’s or wife’s needs before they need it? In today’s episode of the […]
One of the biggest complaints we hear from couples is “My spouse expects me to do everything.” or “My spouse […]
It’s terrifying if your husband or wife continually blows up in anger. You never know what’s going to set them […]
If you’ve ever discovered your spouse has cheated on you, you’re immediately hit with a flood of emotions and questions. […]
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re tapping into some of the wisdom from your favorite mustachioed “football” […]
So, you want to work on making your marriage better, but the idea of sitting in some hotel ballroom for […]
You know how we’re constantly saying, “We don’t have a perfect marriage, but we do have a Secure Marriage.” Well, […]
Being emotionally vulnerable isn’t always easy for men (duh). What makes it harder is when a husband makes an awkward […]
Your survival brain says, “I want to make sure I get all my needs met first.” So what happens when two people, both with legitimate needs, are in the same room? Who’s supposed to give up their needs to serve the other? That’s the question we’re going to answer on today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Hurt people hurt people”. Unfortunately, the words your spouse throws at you in the midst of their pain can leave permanent wounds.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll look at how those situations develop in marriage and what you can do to start healing from those verbal attacks.
Do you want to get some outside help for your marriage, but your husband doesn’t want to “air our dirty laundry” to some stranger? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll look at why some people are highly resistant to seeking help, even though their marriage is falling apart.
You’ve heard the terms “love & respect” thrown around for years now, but chances are you don’t actually understand what they really mean when it comes to marriage and relationships. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll break down what each term really means and how it applies to your relationship.
P.S. You’ll also get to hear us work through a minor conflict we bumped into while recording this episode.
Are you an Unconventional Couple? If you are, then you probably have a happier marriage than most couples out there. Why? Listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast to find out.
Does it feel like you made a huge mistake by getting married? Wish you could have a do-over? On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll look at the mindset you need to have if you’re going to have a happy and long-lasting relationship.
Marriage is based on being vulnerable and transparent with each other. The minute lies, secrets, or jealousy creeps into your relationship, trust starts to erode. If you want to learn how to safeguard your marriage, listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
Many older women are afraid their husband may be tempted to leave them for a younger woman. This doubt and insecurity can become overwhelming and incredibly discouraging.
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll look at the things a husband can do to reduce this fear in their wives as well as the things the wife can do to start to build some self confidence.
Trauma can complicate the normal times of stress and conflict in a marriage. Understanding these unique dynamics is essential if your marriage is going to survive long term.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll give you some practical tips and tricks to help improve communication and conflict resolution with your spouse.
What do you do if your husband or wife simply ignores you whenever they’re upset? Is there a way to get them to engage so you can get things resolved?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re exploring your options to see what’s best for your relationship.
When you’re not feeling good physically, it’s nice to go to a doctor and have them tell you exactly what’s wrong with you. The same thing applies when your relationship is struggling.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll show you how you can determine if your marriage is sick or healthy.
Music by orangery and Katzen_Tupas from Pixabay
So. You want to make your marriage better. There’s a lot of places you could start, but what’s going to get you the biggest bang-for-your-buck? This is exactly what we’ll show you on today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
Music by PianoAmor and JuliusH from Pixabay
Sometimes it’s the little things about your spouse that just drive you nuts. The things they do aren’t wrong, inappropriate, or immoral, but for some reason, they get under your skin and start to rub you the wrong way.
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re working through the variety of feelings that can show up and, more importantly, how to respond in a healthy and loving way to your spouse.
Does your spouse expect a reward every time you ask them to do something helpful for you? Does it feel like you’re having to keep score and always losing?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll look at the toxic dynamic of quid-pro-quo and how to get out of the contractual mindset in your marriage.
Music by FreeGroove and Alex_MakeMusic from Pixabay
Did you know a large portion of the conflict in your marriage comes from your personal stuff before you were married? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll learn why it’s critical to become the healthiest version of yourself so you can have the happiest marriage possible.
Music by The_Mountain from Pixabay
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I once again share how we actually use the Secure Marriage tools in our everyday lives and how they help us get through our fights and feel emotionally connected.
Music by NaturesEye and Music_For_Videos from Pixabay
Okay. You know you’re ready to get help for your marriage, but you don’t know what type of counseling you should be doing. Should you find a professional counselor? Is Pastoral counseling just as good? What if we can’t afford counseling?
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll walk you through what to look for in couples counseling and how to make this important decision.
Music by Ivan_Luzan and NaturesEye from Pixabay
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re sharing more personal stories of how Shannon and I get connected after having small (and sometimes large) fights.
Music by Evgeny_Bardyuzha and Ashot-Danielyan-Composer from Pixabay
Learning to compromise in a marriage isn’t always easy, especially when it’s around the topic of having more kids.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll talk about the points of conflict when it comes to having more kiddos.
Music by Lexin_Music and orangery from Pixabay
Sometimes your spouse isn’t ready to go to couples counseling when you are. Should you wait, or can doing counseling by yourself still be helpful for your marriage?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll give you the pros and cons of doing counseling by yourself.
Music by The_Mountain and SergeQuadrado from Pixabay
How does a mature, healthy man look and act? Do the men of today look different than the men of the last few generations, especially as it relates to marriage and relationships?
We’re attempting to address this potentially sticky issue on today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. We hope you find it thought provoking.
Music by Lexin_Music and JuliusH from Pixabay
Recognizing and responding to emotional calls (or bids) is considered one of the key elements of a successful relationship. Unfortunately, not all husbands have been trained to see these opportunities when they come along.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at why this is so hard for some men and what you can do if you recognize you need to be doing a better job for your wife.
Music by Ashot-Danielyan-Composer from Pixabay
For many people, being able to identify and verbally articulate their feelings feels like an impossible task. When overwhelmed, they simply freeze up and can’t think.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll look at why this happens and what you can do to start getting more connected with your emotional brain.
Music by Daddy’s Music, and Ashot-Danielyan-Composer from Pixabay
What is the fastest and most effective way to deal with your past hurts and hangups? Do you have to do years and years of therapy? Do you have to spend thousands of dollars hoping to find the “thing” that’s going to make you feel better?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll tell you the ONE thing that’s been proven to be the most effective at creating real and lasting change.
What if you’ve tried everything you can think of to make your husband feel loved and appreciated and he still feels like you’re not trying hard enough?
This is the sticky question we’re wrestling with on today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
Have you tried everything you can think of to get connected to your husband, only to walk away feeling hopeless and discouraged? There may be a deeper issue going on that you’ve never learned about… until now.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll teach you about this “thing” that so many disconnected marriages miss, and what you can do to start making things better.
Here’s Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight
Well, we made it! Shannon and I just got back from our first-ever Secure Marriage Cruise to the Mexican Riviera. In between sitting by the pool, zip lining, and having amazing food, we had a great time helping our cruise guests learn how to have a happier marriage.
Today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast is a quick interview with everyone that attended. We’re sure you’ll enjoy.
Different sexual drives don’t have to ruin your relationship. Problems arise when you stop trying to understand—or actually stop caring about—the needs and feelings of your spouse.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we look at the most essential part of marriage (which is not actually sex).
Even though communication is important in any happy marriage, it’s actually the bi-product of something much more important. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll tell you what that thing is and what you can do to work on creating it in your relationship.
There are very clear signs when your relationship has crossed over from a bad relationship to an abusive relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at those markers and what you need to do if you find yourself in this painful situation.
You’ve probably heard that marriage is hard, and the people who say that aren’t wrong. But, believe it or not, having a happy and fulfilling marriage isn’t THAT hard.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re going to tell you the one simple thing ANY couple can do that will guarantee them having a happy, secure marriage.
If you just found out your husband or wife has had an affair, your brain immediately kicks into hyper-survival mode. In that state, it’s easy to make decisions that seem like a good idea at the time but, in fact, end up making things worse.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll clearly lay out what NOT to do and offer several positive alternatives during this difficult time.
Only a handful of couples know how to use this magic tool that makes fights and conflict pretty much non-existent in their relationship. If you want to be let into the secret, just listen to this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
Shannon and I didn’t know how to have a good marriage when we first got married. But over time, we learned the essential skills to be able to say, “We don’t have a perfect marriage, but we do have a secure marriage.”
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we let you in on the steps we took that make it possible for us to be happily married, even after 30 years together.
There could be many reasons why emotional intimacy is missing from a marriage, but some common ones include:
- Lack of communication: In order to have emotional intimacy in a marriage, it is important for partners to be able to communicate openly and honestly with each other. If you rarely (or never) open up to your spouse, it can be difficult for partners to feel emotionally connected.
- Differing emotional needs: Each person has their own unique emotional needs. If you haven’t taken the time to understand how your spouse is wired and what they want or need, you’ll continue to feel disconnected and alone in the relationship.
- Past trauma or conflicts: If either partner has experienced past trauma or there have been significant conflicts in the relationship, it can be difficult for them to fully open up emotionally to their spouse. Each person becomes resentful and protective.
Obviously, these aren’t the only things that lead to disconnection in a marriage, but they’re a good starting point.
Warning: This episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast was not part of our regularly scheduled programming and contains strong opinions that may offend some husbands. As always, it’s our hope and desire to bring truth to painful situations so husbands, wives, and couples can learn how to have healthier and happier marriages.
If 2023 is the year you’re going to make some changes in your relationship, we’ve made it easy to become a better spouse and enjoy a happier marriage.
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll give you some ideas and let you know what we’re doing to make our marriage better in 2023.
As many of you know, Shannon is a Highly Sensitive Person. When I first suggested that she might be an HSP, she did NOT take the news well.
Since then, we’ve both come to understand and accept what it means to be an HSP and how it affects our relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we talk about the best way to have this conversation with your wife if you suspect she may be an HSP as well.
Do you ask your wife, “What do you want to do?” a lot? Chances are, you’re asking this because you don’t want to make a decision that disappoints her. The problem is, when you ask this question TOO much, you end up putting all the emotional weight and responsibility on your wife, which disappoints her.
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show you a better way to show your wife you love her WITHOUT putting all the responsibility on her shoulders.
We recently received an email saying the Secure Marriage Podcast talks more about husbands trying to meet the needs of their wives and not enough about the wife learning how to meet the needs of the husband. So, in today’s episode, we attempt to balance the scales.
We hope you enjoy.
Husbands, you can’t fix a marriage you’ve been neglecting in three days. When a wife is at the end of her rope and threatening to leave because of years of disappointment and loneliness, there are very specific things you need to do to not make things worse.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll walk you through what those things are and how to avoid this situation in the first place.
Nobody likes tests. And if it feels like your spouse is testing you all the time or trying to catch you doing something wrong, it can start to erode trust and connection.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll give you three tools or perspectives you can use if it feels like your spouse is testing you all the time.
It can be hard to do kind and loving things for your husband or wife when the warm, lovey feelings aren’t there.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll help you understand how you can have a healthy and loving marriage even when it’s hard.
If you’re in the military, or business requires you to be gone from home for extended periods of time, it can be hard to have a healthy and vibrant marriage.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re answering the questions of a young couple who have spent months apart because of military service.
If you’re a wife with kids, a job, chores, a dog, and a husband—all of which need your time and attention, how do you prioritize and meet everyone’s needs?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll tell you how to get you and your husband on the same page so you don’t have to face this difficult decision by yourself.
What do you do when your wife won’t stop attacking you despite every effort to de-escalate the situation? Is there […]
Even though relationships are complex, there’s one thing that’s been proven to be the most important if you want to […]
If you’re married, you’re going to have fights. But if you use the tools we’re going to teach you in […]
What do you do if you want another child, but your husband doesn’t and wants to get a vasectomy? Where […]
So… you’ve just shared your honest opinion with your spouse, and instead of them saying, “Thanks for sharing” it leads […]
You probably know what it feels like when you’re in a bad relationship, but can you clearly answer what it […]
As your relationship moves through time, the feelings of “love” start to change. If those changes feel like you’re losing […]
If it feels like your spouse is hiding things from you, it’s tempting to try and find “proof” of their […]
Taking responsibility, apologizing, and validating your spouse’s feelings are supposed to make things better, right? So what happens when you […]
If you feel taken advantage of because your spouse expects you to do all the chores, you’re going to want […]
Most couples are trying to stay “independent” and failing. They have this flawed belief that they can get married and […]
Today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast is part two of Shannon’s Tough Mudder saga. You’ll find out how well […]
Shannon is an incredible woman. Earlier this year, she made the decision to run a 30K mud run at the […]
You may have a hard time believing this (we did at first), but research shows that couples who said they […]
If you’ve listened to the Secure Marriage Podcast for any amount of time, you’ve probably heard us say, “It’s not […]
If your husband refuses to do the things to learn how to be a better husband, you’ll want to listen […]
I (Paul) have been going through a season of depression. Obviously, it affects Shannon and our daily interactions. On today’s […]
Being rejected every time you ask for sex is bound to lead to strong feelings of resentment, frustration, and disappointment. […]
Yep. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about money. But, like with all things marriage, we’re […]
We’ve all heard the platitude, “Happy wife, happy life.” But, what would happen if we took that idea seriously? When […]
If you’re getting married (or engaged), you want to make sure you’re compatible with each other and marrying the right […]
The post #216: We’re Getting Married. Do You Offer a Pre-marital Program? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
If your husband has grown distant and the spark has started to fade in your marriage, in today’s episode of […]
The post #215: How Can I Make My Husband Fall In Love With Me Again appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Yes. This was a real question that was posted, so we decided to give it a real answer in today’s […]
The post #214: Can I Tell My Wife to Shut Up? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Comparison and accusation will kill your marriage. Telling someone they’re inadequate because you’ve done more will never build trust and […]
The post #213: Is Tit-For-Tat Destroying Your Marriage? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
If you’re considering separating and you want to do it in a healthy and productive way, today’s episode of the […]
The post #212: How To Navigate Separating From Your Spouse appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Why do you say the meanest things when you’re fighting with your spouse? Why can’t you control your temper and […]
The post #211: What to do if You or Your Spouse Are Verbally Abusive appeared first on Secure Marriage.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re addressing a very real problem… having to deal with a spouse […]
The post #210: What to do if You’re Stuck in a Horrible Marriage and Your Spouse WILL NOT CHANGE appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Early in our marriage I didn’t know how to love my wife well. Because I never had anyone show me […]
The post #209: Things Paul Wished He Knew How to do Early in Our Marriage appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Has your husband been pulling away emotionally? Does it feel like there’s a bigger and bigger gap growing between the […]
The post 208: How to Get Your Avoidant Husband to Pursue You appeared first on Secure Marriage.
The other day, I suggested to Shannon that we try a little experiment and see if we can be 100% […]
The post #207: Are You Afraid To Be 100% Honest With Your Spouse appeared first on Secure Marriage.
I wish today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast was based on theory. Unfortunately, I, like a lot of other […]
The post #206: When Your Husband Spins Everything To Be Your Fault appeared first on Secure Marriage.
If you choose to be married and/or have kids, you are making the decision to no longer live your life […]
The post #205: When Do We Get To Do Things My Way? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
What do you do if you realize you haven’t been the kindest of husbands for the majority of your marriage […]
The post #204: My Wife Isn’t Attracted To Me Anymore. Is It Too Late? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we talk about the difficult task of having to set boundaries with […]
The post #203: How To Set Boundaries Even When You Don’t Want To appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Oftentimes, the biggest changes come from the smallest actions. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll show you […]
The post #202: The Habit that Leads to the Biggest Changes in Your Marriage appeared first on Secure Marriage.
This week, while training for her Tough Mudder, Shannon had a little “accident”. This experience reminded us both of the […]
The post #201: How to Help Your Wife When She’s in a Crisis appeared first on Secure Marriage.
It’s a big big day for Shannon and I here on the Secure Marriage Podcast. We’ve hit 200 episodes and […]
The post #200: Holy Cow! It’s our 200th Episode appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Why doesn’t my husband want to try to understand me or my feelings? Why does he make ME feel so […]
The post #199: Am I Broken Because My Husband Won’t Listen to my Feelings? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
If you’re in a relationship with a man who treats you poorly but you keep hoping he’s going to change […]
The post #198: Are You A Woman That Suffers From Beauty and the Beast Syndrome? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Does your interactions with coworkers of the opposite sex make your spouse uncomfortable? Have those situations caused accusations, mistrust, and […]
The post #197: What’s Crossing The Line With Coworkers of the Opposite Sex appeared first on Secure Marriage.
The way we receive care as a child affects how we engage in relationships for the rest of our lives. […]
The post #196: Healthy Ways to Handle Anxious Attachment Issues appeared first on Secure Marriage.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I wish we had better communication in our marriage” then we have an incredible […]
The post #195: How To Have Better Connection, Communication, and Conflict Resolution appeared first on Secure Marriage.
After spending the last few days being grumpy, I’m finally coming out from under the emotional cloud and I found […]
The post #194: Why Everyone Has A Need For Connection appeared first on Secure Marriage.
The last two days I’ve been “that husband” who’s been in a really bad mood and acting surly and grumpy […]
The post #193: How To Be Angry & Still Stay Connected appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Policemen. Firemen. EMT’s. Doctors. Nurses. We’re grateful for each and every one of them. And yet, statistics show these first […]
The post #192: Why First Responders Have A Higher Divorce Rate appeared first on Secure Marriage.
We are designed to heal. It doesn’t happen fast… the process isn’t always predictable… But it does always happen. In […]
The post #191: How To Walk Through Loss With Your Spouse, Part 2 appeared first on Secure Marriage.
It’s been a painful couple of days for Shannon. Yesterday, she found out she lost something that’s incredibly precious to […]
The post #190: How To Walk Through Loss With Your Spouse appeared first on Secure Marriage.
How do you rebuild trust if your spouse has cheated on you? Infidelity is a deeply personal and painful experience, […]
The post #189: Should You Check Up On An Unfaithful Spouse? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Do you like to tell your spouse what to do? Are you “helping” your spouse by giving advice and they […]
The post #188: Why You Need To Be Careful Giving Advice To Your Spouse appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Everyone struggles with some level of self-criticism. So how do we support our spouse when they get stuck in an […]
The post #187: How To Help Your Spouse Deal With Negative Self Talk appeared first on Secure Marriage.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re sharing a major life change for Shannon, myself, and our entire […]
The post #186: How To Handle Major Life Changes With Your Spouse appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Last Saturday, I had a run in with one of “those people” who ends up on the news for getting […]
The post #185: How To Respond When You’re Treated Rudely appeared first on Secure Marriage.
We all have this built in alarm system that works hard to prevent us from looking bad. So what happens […]
The post #184: Are You Willing To Look Foolish For Your Spouse appeared first on Secure Marriage.
The trip from LAX to our hotel didn’t go quite as planned today. In this episode of the Secure Marriage […]
The post #183: Choosing To See The Best In Bad Situations appeared first on Secure Marriage.
What do you do with this statement? How are you supposed to respond? What does it actually mean? Is there […]
The post #182: What To Do When Your Wife Says She’s Not In Love With You appeared first on Secure Marriage.
When my best intentions get executed poorly and end up hurting Shannon’s feelings I sometimes wish she could just read my mind and see that my motivations were good. Unfortunately, that doesn’t exist yet.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re talking giving each other the benefit of the doubt and how it can lead to a happier marriage.
The post #180: What to do When Positive Intentions Get Lost appeared first on Secure Marriage.
When other people make mistakes or don’t plan ahead and it costs you time, energy, or money, how do you respond? Early in my marriage, my responses were not that gracious and my wife took the brunt of my frustration and anger.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll show you what a better response looks like and how you can start to incorporate it into your everyday lives.
The post #179: How Your Husband Should Respond to Being Inconvenienced appeared first on Secure Marriage.
How do you measure connection in a marriage? What exactly is it and how do you get more of it when it’s missing?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast you’ll get to enjoy listening to Shannon do her best trying to explain how it all works and eventually come to a clear understanding of how to get more connected to your spouse.
The post #178: What To Do When Connection Is Missing In Your Marriage appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Has it ever felt like your husband wasn’t truly listening to you or your ideas and no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t convince him of your perspective?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re looking at the damage this behavior can cause and why it’s so important for husbands (and wives) to be open to influence.
The post #177: Why Rigid Thinking Will Ruin Your Marriage appeared first on Secure Marriage.
It’s easy to feel trapped and discouraged if your husband doesn’t think he needs to do marriage counseling. But that doesn’t mean you’re out of options.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re exploring a variety of options you can choose from that will help you personally and, eventually, your relationship overall.
The post #176: Can I Fix My Marriage If My Husband Won’t Do Counseling? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Physical health. Weight gain. Dress sizes. These are very common points of insecurity and conflict for a lot of couples. Shannon and I can clearly remember a time when these issues were front and center in our relationship.
In today’s episode of the Secure Mariage Podcast we’re looking at the underlying factors that make this topic so difficult to discuss between husbands and wives.
The post #175: How Can A Husband Love His Overweight Wife? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
When you get really good at doing marriage, not all misunderstandings will lead to conflict. Sometimes they’re so ridiculous and absurd, the only thing you can do is laugh at yourselves.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll get to hear how a random text conversation led to some pretty hilarious moments for Shannon and I.
The post #174: Why Miscommunication Doesn’t Always Lead To Conflict appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Did you know you can talk to your wife in such a way where you stay emotionally connected and both of you feel heard and understood even when you completely disagree about the topic you’re talking about?
If this sounds nearly impossible or too good to be true then you need to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. Shannon and I break down a few of our recent conversations and show you step-by-step how to make it happen in your relationship.
The post #173: How To Validate Your Wife Even When She’s Wrong appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Does your husband get defensive whenever you need to talk about something important? Does it feel like he shifts the blame or tries to avoid the conversation altogether?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show you how you can begin a conversation without triggering your husband’s survival brain and get him to listen and understand you better.
The post #172: How to Initiate Hard Conversations With Your Husband appeared first on Secure Marriage.
I didn’t want to record today’s podcast, but Shannon made me. I was in no mood to think about marriage stuff. I wasn’t in the mood to think about anything important. But she dragged me to the table, made me sit down and talk about my feelings.
Honestly, I’m sorta glad she did. Even though I’m in a bad mood, I’m still responsible for treating my bride (and the rest of the family) with kindness and patience. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we look at what it takes to regulate your emotions even when you’re not at the top of your game.
The post #171: What To Do When Your Husband Wakes Up In A Pissy Mood appeared first on Secure Marriage.
“I’m at the point in my marriage where I feel so ignored, neglected, and numb that I’m ready to start the process for divorce.” This woman posted this to a marriage forum hoping to find someone that can give her a clear path to a happy marriage.
We know she’s not alone. So many couples are hurting and looking for a clear path to a better marriage, but they don’t know where to turn or how to find it. That’s why we’re talking about the Relationship Roadmap today. It will show you exactly where you’re at and what you need to do to change the direction of your miserable marriage.
The post #170: Why You Need A Relationship Roadmap appeared first on Secure Marriage.
What was the last stupid thing you and your spouse had a fight about? For us, it was hamburgers. But like all ridiculous arguments, it’s never about hamburgers. It’s always about deeper, more important things that can either make or break your marriage.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll break down the deeper issues in our own conflict and show you how to easily and quickly get connected to your spouse again.
The post #169: How to Not Let Hamburgers Ruin Your Marriage appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Your spouse just screwed up again. You’re fuming inside, feeling frustrated, hurt, and disappointed. You want to give them a piece of your mind but you know that really won’t help the situation (but MAN it sure would feel good).
Learning how to regulate your emotions and respond with grace and kindness isn’t easy, but it IS possible. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show you how to develop a gracious response and how it can change your marriage for good.
The post 168: How To Respond Graciously To Your Spouse’s Mistakes appeared first on Secure Marriage.
When you (or pretty much any human being) become afraid, your survival brain tells you to try to get as much control over your situation as possible. It (your survival brain) believes that if you can control everything, you won’t get hurt.
As you’d expect, this leads to some really awesome fights between you and your spouse. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at why we’re wired this way and how to avoid hurting your husband or wife by learning how to give up some control.
The post #167: Is Being Controlling Ruining Your Marriage? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Resolving conflict is hard enough even on the best of days. When one person refuses to engage, lies, or deflects responsibility, it makes it even harder.
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at the options you have if you find yourself in this sticky situation.
The post #166: What to Do When Your Spouse Refuses to Be Honest appeared first on Secure Marriage.
So… it’s 2022 and your marriage isn’t where you’d like it to be. You know it can be better, but you don’t know what to do or how to get there. Shannon and I want to introduce you to our new Relationship Roadmap and show you exactly what to do so you can finally have the marriage you’ve always wanted.
The post #165: Our New Roadmap To A Secure Marriage appeared first on Secure Marriage.
If you’re like me (Paul), you learned the lesson not to inconvenience other people. That lesson got so ingrained into my psyche that it felt like I was morally wrong whenever I broke that rule. Yet, is it bad to inconvenience others?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at deeply held beliefs and values that potentially end up as points of conflict within your marriage.
The post #164: Is Being Inconvenienced A Moral Issue? appeared first on Secure Marriage.
We understand if 2021 has been a hard year for you. So you can start 2022 with hope, Shannon and I have been working on a special project that’s designed to help you (and any couple) find a clear path out of your relationship struggles and onto the path towards having a Secure Marriage.
If you’d like to be part of this unique group of men and women who are learning how to Do Marriage Different, then listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast and get ready to join us on this amazing journey.
The post #163: A Special Christmas Gift For You appeared first on Secure Marriage.
Several years ago, in the midst of one of our fights, Shannon and I discovered a way for both of our feelings to be heard, understood, and validated, and have both of us walk away feeling loved and connected with each other.
I’ve gone on to teach this tool to many of my clients, and each time they use it, they’re able to resolve their conflict in just a few minutes. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about why this tool works so good and how you can get a hold of it.
The post #162: A Tool That’s Guaranteed To Resolve Conflict Faster appeared first on Secure Marriage.
When things that are out of your control go horribly wrong and you find yourself frustrated, disappointed, and irritable, how do you respond? Kindly and patiently or with anger and impatience? How do you treat your husband or wife in this situation?
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I share with you the long list of things that went wrong in our last trip and, more importantly, how we were able to do it without lashing out or hurting the other person (for the most part).
The post #161: How to Avoid Hurting Your Spouse When You’re Highly Stressed appeared first on Secure Marriage.