A Minx's Chronicle: Recent Episodes
Oliver Al-Abdu
The official podcast of aminxschronicle.com (AMC). Follow to stay updated when new episodes are released every wednesday.
Welcome back, my apologies for the delayed uploads, I do my best to explain in the episode. In this edition of AMC, we speak about how to maintain changes, a highly recurring yet essential theme of the podcast. Enjoy.
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Welcome back; this week is a continuation of the previous week’s entry; briefly, we touched on how and why to pay attention to the nudges of your subconscious. Please read the entry found here. We have all been there, we made a slew of changes to our lives, be it in the form of a rearranged living room or a rearranged mindset towards your interactions with yourself and others, but that niggling sensation at the back of your mind saying that you will not be able to stick to the changes you have made can become difficult to ignore. In this entry, you will learn three ways to ensure that the beneficial changes you make stick to your core and carry you forward into the future.
Do Not Overburden Yourself
This is difficult to gauge because how can one understand their limitations without testing the waters? The dangers of overburdening yourself are apparent and obvious; you run the risk of multiple negative possibilities, the most likely of which is failing to maintain the plethora of changes you have instituted; another possibility is negatively affecting your health and/or your relationships.
The best way to ascertain whether or not you have overburdened yourself is to proceed and observe to see if the changes you made stick or not; if you find that maintaining the new habits is difficult, then consider reducing its difficulty/demand.
Another way is to consult your parents, asking them to give you their opinion, they will be clear and straightforward (sometimes brutally so) and they will inform you that either the changes you wish to make will overburden you or that you can easily maintain them. It is important to consult those who are older than we are in matters such as these as they have most likely experienced the emotions you will feel on this journey.
The best method is to keep it simple; the entries on this website mention this point numerous times; keep changes small and then incrementally build upon that; you will never run the risk of overburdening yourself if you stick to implementing incremental changes in your micro habits.
This week is about practising discomfort and how doing so will make you fall in love with who you are.
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This week we delve into the strata of our minds; we will look at why we ignore specific thoughts and the beneficial reasons behind paying attention to particular nudges. What is the Subconscious Mind?
Firstly, we need to understand the role of the subconscious; it acts as a guide for our values and beliefs and often our actions. Assuming a birdseye view of the subconscious mind, we would be mistaken in thinking that the subconscious mind is our consciousness; on the contrary, the role of this component is significantly more potent than that. If we look at the subconscious mind from the side, we will see that it runs deep, and its tendrils present themselves in our actions and inactions.
Why do we Ignore the Subconscious Mind?
The best example to illustrate our proclivity to ignore the subconscious has been mentioned in AMC numerous times; cast your mind to this morning, or any morning for that matter, did you wake up on time? You did, ok, well did you get out of bed? No, you knew that you needed to get out of bed, but you chose not to. The fact that you know that you need to get out of bed is your subconscious mind attempting to exert its influence on the physical realm, but it slammed into your conscious mind and your desire, a deadly duo, your conscious mind overpowered your subconscious desire to get out of bed and you remained in your prone state.
So, why do we ignore the subconscious?
Because it is easy. Usually, the subconscious prods us towards actions associated with discomfort and the vast majority of the time, we suppress these prods and urges despite knowing that the end net result is beneficial. How to Listen to Your Subconscious You will quickly recognise your intense desire to distance yourself from discomfort; this is an issue because the subconscious leans us towards discomfort. Discomfort in this context refers to anything you do not want to do; imagine you have arrived home from a long day at work, knowing that you need to go to the gym, prepare dinner, and clean; it is too much. Instead, you would prefer to peel your clothes off, land on the couch, and order some food. To listen to the subconscious, you need to practice acclimatising yourself to discomfort as often as possible. For example, in the classic stair vs escalator scenario, take that escalator every opportunity you get, walk to the milk bar or drive? You use those feet, and you walk, few dishes in the sink, into the dishwasher or wash them then and there? See, you get the drift.
The idea is simple; life presents us with a plethora of crossroads, the easy or the slightly inconvenient; you will find that your subconscious will gently prod you towards the discomfort, so lean into it.
This episode is more of a rant/discussion/musings. I speak about the importance of being prepared and what to do when you feel overwhelmed.
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My final semester begins next week, so I am not sure how to juggle AMC and the other responsibilities of my life. Still, I sit here thinking about a straightforward concept: preparation. How do I prepare myself for the final step of this particular journey?
My extensive hospitality career has taught me many things; arguably, the most critical lesson is preparing yourself and the shop for service. We need to make sure that we have enough of everything so that we may serve the people who come to us, we need to ensure that machines are working so that we do not lose valuable revenue and customers; I can speak on this for hours, and the point is that if the shop and the staff are not prepared for every single shift, every single day, we will not survive.
In life, possessing an inherent urge to be prepared is a crucial ingredient to success. The famous saying "failing to plan is planning to fail" comes to mind, and it is true from every angle. The problem is that when we sit to think about an upcoming milestone or project, we can not help but feel inadequate in our current state; this is to be expected and embraced, for we may never know what tomorrow holds or even if it will come at all.
The trick to maintaining internal composure in the face of life's tumbles and turns is two-fold: the first is to remain prepared for any situation. In my example, I know that a full-time study load demands a significant commitment of time, and to prepare for this, I ensured that my work commitments do not interfere with my studies. Sometimes being prepared means making sacrifices, and I choose to sacrifice a little financial security because my studies are higher on my priorities.
The second thing to keep in mind is your priorities. What do you value? What is important to you? Family, friends, your significant other? Understand that each choice you make will ripple through space and time and result in consequences that you may or may not have seen. As long as you remain true to your internal compass, life will continue to mould you into a more resilient person.
The most important thing to remember is that you are human, and life is the most excellent teacher, so feeling overwhelmed is a natural response. As long as you keep on swimming, everything will more than fine.
A four-step framework on how to repair damaged relationships.
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Mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers and then there is you, the link between them all. How is that link? Are you happy with it? If yes, find another entry and read that because this one is for us, everyday folks.
Familial ties and bonds need to be nurtured like any other relationship; AMC argues that familial bonds are the most beautiful of all relationships because we are powerless in choosing our family. Therefore this entry focuses on repairing damaged bonds between yourself and your family.
Step 1: Forgiveness Forgive yourself first, this means that you when you think about a particular scenario that hurt the relationship you might see yourself as the 'bad guy', or you might have done something that left a bad taste in your mouth, the first step is to forgive yourself, you are human, and we make mistakes. It is ok to feel like you screwed up, but you will not move forward in life if you never learn to forgive yourself.
Now you need to forgive the second person; they do not need to know that you have forgiven them, because if you genuinely forgive someone, they can tell from your body language when you are around them. If you have trouble with this, it helps to think about the other person's positive qualities as it will soften your anger.
Step 2: Gentle Approach Picture a timid kitten; you need to approach your family member with the same mentality. Take it easy, come with food, and be calm when you are in their presence.
The kitten will run away if they are spooked. Your next chance might be in a few hours or a few days or even a few weeks. If you remain patient and steadfast with the pure intention of repairing this relationship, the other person will eventually reciprocate.
Step 3: Again & Again A familial bond is precious and must be cherished, so you must continue to reach out throughout your life, the right conditions for reconciliation could be around the corner, so think about the kitten, swallow your pride and restart your approach. This is family.
Step 4: Joy or Sadness Your persistent efforts will result in a climax of some kind, after six months of continuous effort on your part, you will know if this family member is worthy of your further attention. However, as long as there is no detriment to your mental/emotional health, your duty to repair damaged bonds remains. You can not quit trying to repair the relationship if your only excuse is that they are too stubborn and hard-headed. You need to show them that the relationship you could have is stronger than the damaged one you hold, so keep going because a certain answer is there if and when you find it.
Eventually, you can either weep tears of joy for your regained family or tears of sadness for losing a loved one.
This episode will provide you with three practical and straightforward tips that will ease your climb back to the top because discipline is exhausting.
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Discipline is Exhausting.
Welcome back. I hope you have all been well.
I have experienced a significant drop in discipline; for the first time in over 24 weeks, I have purposefully forgotten to write the Snip for last week. What does this mean? Have I lost my motivational edge? Is this the first red flag that will signal my return to being lazy and lackadaisical? I suppose only time will tell; I caught myself, though, now I need to make sure it does not happen again. There are other little things that I have not been doing that I was very diligent with; I need to climb back on the horse.
Discipline is draining; you continually check yourself and ensure that your ingrained habits do not sneak up on you and overpower you because they will. As an example, I have been incredibly strict on myself for over ten months; I had believed I had vanquished the negative habits of my past, alas they have been lurking in the shadows, patiently waiting to strike the moment my guard slips.
The good news is that I have been noticing that my laziness was rearing its ugly head in my rearview mirror, so the rest of the entry will show you what to do when bad habits show themselves in your life once more because they will. (Bad habits in this scenario refer to sleeping in, lousy eating, skipping exercise, skipping beneficial routines like skincare or mediation).
Timers Timers will trick you into doing anything that you do not want to do. If you set a 3-minute timer to do as many dishes as you can, you will clean the entire kitchen. The trick is to select a simple goal and a low time, use common sense, do not give yourself an hour timer to clean the house if your laziness is powerful; start with the bathroom on a 6-minute timer, and take it easy do not overwhelm yourself.
Others Placing others' needs before your own is a beauty of life; it is also an intoxicating propellant to get out of bed in the morning. If you plan a coffee date at 8 AM on a Sunday at your local cafe with a close friend, not only are you guaranteed a table, but you also have unclocked at least four more hours of the weekend. In that example, your desire to respect your friends time prevents you from snoozing; there are many more ways to leverage your willingness to help others against your hunger to lounge. Use your imagination.
Switch-Ups One of my favourite tricks to jump back on the horse is switching things up. I ran every morning for five months straight; eventually, I became bored with running, and I would skip a day, then that day would turn into three. I knew that the habit was going to slip away, so I switched things up; I started to swim as often as I could, my zeal allowed me to swim daily for two weeks, my steam slowed down, and commitments resulted in me swimming three times a week at the minimum. So, when any positive habit becomes cumbersome, do something else that is equally positive; this will prevent boredom and stave off laziness.
Understanding when to take a break is half the battle; this episode will give you two signs that you need to watch out for. Subscribe to the website and podcast to stay looped.
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We work, some harder than others, but we all work. Interestingly some of us are born to work while some live to recline; both are sup-optimum for a satisfying and fulfilling life. Hence the saying "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy", this ancient adage (the 1600s) tells us to introduce balance into our life.
The perfect way to live is dependant on the individual and their individualised desires; however, there are tiny nuggets of wisdom that we may extract from the chemistry of our physiology to live a meaningful life.
Exercise is the best example for this topic because hitting our ceiling is evident from either pain or exhaustion, usually accompanied by breathlessness. Our body will give us similar cues when we are close to overworking. The first clue is struggling to sleep due to overthinking; this will pose severe consequences to your work quality the following day, translating to more overthinking before sleeping the next night. The trick for this scenario is two-fold: A short break from your work (1-3 days) and keeping a journal so that you have a place to brain dump your thoughts. Emptying your mind will allow for a restful sleep which can never be underestimated.
The second clue is neglecting to eat throughout your workday. This does not pose a severe problem if it happens once or twice a month but finding yourself in a position where you forget to feed yourself because you are too preoccupied with your work is a situation that must be rectified. There is little in this world worth harming yourself for and multiple days of missed meals are harsher than it sounds. A solution would be to take a short break from your work to recalibrate your mind with your body, take the time to do nothing.
This weeks entry wants you to increase the care you have for yourself. It would help if you were incredibly attuned to the ebb and flows of your mind and body; this will allow you to take it easy, especially when you do not know you need a break. So take it easy, and look after yourself.
In this 6 minute episode, AMC covers three ways that will allow you to control your anger and minimize those pesky outbursts from ruining your day. The Michael Caine example was found in his book called "Blowing the Bloody Doors Off".
Below is the entry from the AMC website, the link is below.
Anger. A dangerous yet useful emotion, anger is one reason for individual civil liberties, but there is a time and place for a delicate emotion like anger. This week, AMC will tackle the split second before your composure cracks.
Think Before You Speak A pause before speaking must become a habit for us all, especially in delicate and high-risk situations. We unconsciously pause when contemplating a tricky question, but interestingly this pause vanishes when we are in the car as a driver cuts off the path in front of us. The first exercise is to practice patience in the car while driving. The roads invariably introduce a maniacal driver into our lives at least once a week; this particular driver is your opportunity to pause and think. Instead of blurting obscenities and yelling, pause and tighten your grip on the steering wheel and exhale through your mouth. The car has now become your gym, and in a few months, you will grow into an individual with more composure and brevity.
Physical Excercise AMC advocates physical exercise because it allows us to step away from our 'monkey mind' and focus on our body and breathing: this is crucial for those who struggle with overthinking or experience any form of anxiety.
The next time we find ourselves in a situation where anger seems to be lurking around the corner, it is essential to switch our physical position. For example, if we find ourselves becoming agitated while standing, we must sit down, and vice versa. The idea is that physical activity is the only thing that will overwhelm the train of anger running through your mind. We can also quell anger with a splash of cold water on our face. The goal is to move instantly when we feel anger threatening to break through the surface, we move away from the situation or move our body. As long as the mind is focused on one other thing, then the chance of your anger causing regret is minimized.
To conclude, anger is natural and necessary; however, anger is risky because an angry person dismisses logic and reason. The split second before anger erupts is what we must become attuned to. To increase our sensitivity to this split second, pause to think before you speak more often and move your body in situations where you become angry.
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Welcome back to the only podcast recorded in the car. Don't fact check me on that.
In this episode, we touch on scientific and logical reasons why multitasking is the bane of our existence and why you need to stop!
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Stop Multitasking. It is good to be back; I hope you have all had a relaxing break. Let us get back to work.
You have already gleaned from the title of this entry that multitasking is not right. This week's entry will dissuade you against this supposed 'skill' and present you with a better way of conducting yourself and your activities.
Multitasking reduces your efficiency and effectiveness. Our brains can not focus on multiple things simultaneously, one of those things will suffer, have you tried writing a serious email while on the phone to someone? You can not do it. Some of us picture the woman in the kitchen speaking on the phone as she cradles it between her shoulder and ear, while at the same time rinsing a cup in the sink and stirring a pot of soup and disciplining her unruly child. One of those things will suffer, if not all, the soup will not be as tasty as it could be, and the cup will be inadequately rinsed; In other words, stop multitasking.
Multitasking lowers your IQ. The reason is that those who are frequent multitaskers exhibit a low density of grey matter in the anterior cingulate cortex, which correlates to poor cognitive performance. In other words, stop multitasking.
Multitasking will impair your ability to progress further in your career. Given that multitasking reduces the density of grey matter in the anterior cingulate cortex frequent multitaskers will see a decrease in their emotional intelligence, a skill which is critical to success in the workplace and life. Also, who likes it when you want to have a conversation with someone, and this person can not seem to peel their eyes away from their phone? No one does. In other words, stop multitasking.
Steering away from the science and jargon, the AMC reason for quitting multitasking is the following saying: "How you do one thing is how you do everything", this fantastic adage is telling you to respect and care for your activities because the way you make your bed in the morning is the way you prepare your coffee. If routines and activities are rushed and hasty because attention is split and divided, effectiveness will decline, and life satisfaction will decrease. In other words, slow down and pay even more attention to the tasks before you, respect the blanket so you can appreciate the keyboard, respect the butter knife so you may admire the car keys, stop multitasking.
This is a see you soon, not a goodbye. Make sure you're subscribed to the website so you stay abreast of all developments.
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What makes a friend a friend? When do I distance myself from a toxic friendship?
These important questions answered and more with MK from the Imbalanced Podcast.
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Life is funny sometimes. For example, why is it that those who are closest to us hurt us the most? Why does it need to be the person who I have known for 15 years? Why can it not be Liam from down the street? Another funny thing about life is that we refuse advice from those closest to us and pay greater heed to the words spoken from the mouth of someone whom we have never met. Funny.
We go through life with a handful of friends, the day ones, the real ones. Some drop off through the years, but you will find that the core always remains the same. I have had the same group of friends for close to 10 years. I have known most of them for over 18. That is just how it is sometimes. Those childhood friends either become those whom you grow old with or they become strangers by your 25th birthday. The point is this when we have a 'real one' or an incredibly close friend, we hold onto them for decades. That is why when they wrong us, it hurts, and it hurts deep.
Now here is the rub, how do we know who is a real one? This question is tricky, but we all know the answer; and that answer usually is: If they wrong me I axe them. The objective of this entry is to prevent anyone from wronging you or even coming close to it. Below are three things that will help you identify if someone in your life who you have labelled as a 'close friend' or a 'real one' is deserving of that lofty title. Run that person through the test below and let us see if they stand up to the questions.
Question 1. When something amazing happens in your life, what is their response? Do they slap you on the back, do they lift you and hug you until you can not breathe? Do they scream and yell with joy? They probably do all the above with varying degrees of intensity, but read closely for the telltale signs of someone who does not want what is best for you. They tell you to be careful almost immediately after hearing the news, they warn you of the potential dangers. Those people rain on your parade without a seconds thought for how it might make you feel. This is not good. A caring and loyal friend will hug and kiss you and slap you on the back lovingly; a true friend will ride that high with you until you both calm down. Then, if there are any qualms on their end, they will bring them up at the appropriate time. That is a true friend.
Question 2. How do they react when you tell them bad news? A person who celebrates terrible news or laughs at your genuine unhappiness is not a friend; we know this. Here are the more subtle ways that will allow you to identify a bad friend.
They immediately try and 'one-up' you after having listened to your story. That person's inability to process your negative news is because of their lack of emotional intelligence. Their EQ is so low that they are incapable of sitting within the moment with you and comforting you emotionally and then offering practical support to your dilemma. This is not someone whom you can rely on in your times of need because their self-centric character will get in the way of your friendship.
Rest on the website.
To-do lists are great, but there are more important things.
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Ultra/Super/Hyper/Productive There is a growing ultra/hyper-productive culture; people are doing more with more; it can be overwhelming. There are pros and cons to this rapidly growing subculture. This week's entry aims to elucidate the matter for those considering a lifestyle shift or are curious about society's obsession with productivity.
Hyper-productive individuals will continue to be praised and respected in today's modern society. The very fabric of our culture respects progress and growth; without growth, there would be stagnation. Productivity is not a bad thing, but it can become convoluted and misdefined and therein lies the problem.
Hyper-productivity presents itself as a crutch to those lacking a more in-depth personality. For example, person A is plagued with fitting in more tasks in his/her day; thus, they barely sit down with themselves to ask themselves what they want. They have not allowed themselves time to understand themselves, let alone master themselves.
The other side of the coin is Person B, someone concerned with 1 or 2 essential tasks for the day; therefore, having more time for themself to reflect even momentarily on their thoughts and mood. This self-reflection is essential as a lack of self-reflection results in a weakened character. After all, the 'character' is what type of person you are, and if you have not spent the time asking yourself this pertinent question, how can you expect to be a strong person.
To return to the 'clutch' that is hyper-productivity, beware those who appear to be doing a million things simultaneously, for they are not as secure as they might seem and ticking more things off the list will not give your life gravity.
The goal is to go to sleep satisfied with the meaning derived from the day. Determining if a day possessed meaning or not is simple, firstly a person needs to understand what values are dear to their life: honesty, love, and respect? Then they must ask themselves if the day's actions satisfied their core values, have they acted in a way that was worthy of love, deserving of respect and honesty? That is infinitely more important than fitting more items into a day.
Two simple tips that will dramatically improve your small talk.
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IMPROVE YOUR SMALL-TALK SKILL I am uniquely qualified to write on this topic, I have been in and out of the hospitality industry for close to ten years, if there is one thing I know how to do, it is how to make small talk.
The below can apply to any setting, a cafe, workplace, park; it does not matter.
STEP ONE
The basics are always first: you must ask how someone is, then ask for their name. Sometimes you will forget to ask for their name, but this is important because using someone's name semi-frequently (at least in the initial encounter) will make them like you, it will also make you significantly more memorable. Saying their name twice in a three-minute conversation is plenty. The idea is once you receive their name, you repeat it, comment on it, (similar to a business card), then use the name shortly after; for example: "You know what Jordan, that is an incredible idea, where were you three years ago?"
STEP TWO
The most important step is this one. You must actively listen to what the other person is saying. There are terabytes of information on active listening. Still, to overly simplify it, active listening is when you pull yourself out of your thoughts and listen intently and consciously to what the other person is saying. While you are listening intently, you are also thinking of open-ended questions that will quickly drive the conversation to deeper levels. You might decide against taking a discussion more in-depth, but actively listening to the person you are speaking with will allow you to understand not only why they are saying what they are saying, but how they are saying it as well. Active listening should be your go-to when you do not know what to say in a conversation. Ask an open-ended question, then actively listen to see where you can learn more about the person to which you are speaking.
To recap: work on closing your thoughts off from the present and focus intently on the person in front of you, small talk does not need to be tedious; small talk can be an avenue to new relationships, either professional or personal. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, try and listen more, and the quality of those small-talk conversations will improve.
To become resilient, we must come to rely on internal motivation.
An exciting announcement at the end of the episode.
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Do You Even Deserve it? What a question.
We instantly know if we deserve something or not. A straightforward example would be someone on a diet which has a cheat day once a week, and this person rewards themself after a workout with some chocolate on a non-cheat day. They know they do not deserve that; in fact, they are breaking their promise to themselves! Let us dive into this concept of 'deserve.'
To truly deserve something, we need to have expended effort intending to secure what we desire. Let us say you see man/woman whom you find attractive, so you go out of your way to make yourself presentable and introduce yourself, in your mind, you deserve a chance. You put in the requisite effort; you put yourself out there, you deserve a response. True? Well, not so fast.
I want to propose a slightly radical idea, so fair warning in advance: Do things with no expectation of reward or recognition. i.e. divorce the concept of 'I deserve.' The reason is when you do something in the hopes of a reward— which is a powerfully motivating force— you become accustomed to the reward and hence reliant on the reward.
David Goggins, an ultramarathon athlete, was asked if he listens to anything while running and he responds saying that he doesn't listen to anything because he needs his mind to fuel him and nothing external to him. The concept I am positing is similar to what Goggins speaks about. If you can divorce the link between action, reward & deserve you become a stronger person.
The expectation of anything creates hopes and hopes have a proclivity to let us down, the last thing I am telling you to do is to abandon all hope, no. I am saying that you should abandon your attachment to the idea of hope. There is a difference. You should always hope, dream, strive and fight, but the outcome of all these things can be beyond your control, you need security within yourself to truly succeed.
The point of this week's entry is the following: do more demanding things and stop rewarding yourself so much. It will make you stronger.
4 things you can start doing today to improve the quality of your night routine.
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The Night & The Morning The quality of every morning of your life is crucially reliant on the quality of the previous night. You will not wake up feeling refreshed and rested if you go to sleep at four in the morning. You will struggle to wake up early if you do not plan to wake up early the previous night. You must think ahead and prepare to wake up early, meaning that you must begin your night routine significantly sooner than you usually do. For example, if you normally begin to brush your teeth around 10:30 PM, try brushing at 10 PM, you do not need to commit to doing this every single day, see how you go.
A crucial aspect of repairing your sleep schedule is understanding the relationship your morning has with your nights. In other words, if you spend effort on improving the quality of your night routine, then you will see improvements in the quality of your mornings. You will wake up easier and more refreshed. Below are a few things you can start doing to improve the quality of your night.
- Buy a fan to cool your room.
- Make sure your mattress is in great condition.
- Try listening to rain sounds on Spotify to help you drift away.
- A quick 15-second stretch before you climb into bed.
Scrolling & Bedtime Most of us have a scrolling issue when we are in bed. I personally think that there is nothing wrong with it as long as the phone is out of my hand after a certain point. If you feel the same way but have trouble putting your phone down, or you lose track of time (happened to me many times) try this: Go to bed earlier with the intention of scrolling on your phone. So now your sleeping routine will not suffer because you are scrolling past your bedtime. After all, you have planned for the eventuality that is scrolling.
The main takeaway from this week's entry is that you need to begin linking the quality of your mornings to the quality of your evenings; it is all one big circle. Look after your nights so that you can look after your mornings and as a result, improve your life.
This is the first instalment in a short series of episodes on the importance of cultivating the correct relationships/friendships. This episode is important because friends can be sources of inspiration or a source of bitterness and negativity.
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Togetherness Updated: Jan 19
Spend a few minutes and picture the people whom you respect and appreciate. You might respect someone in your field who had paved the way for your ethnic background or an artist who had encapsulated the way you felt when you were depressed. Or, a character in a book or film who overcame adversity and emerged from the ashes, reborn, a success. These people (fictional or otherwise) share a commonality: each of them needed the support of other people to help them reach their summit. That needs repetition: No one in this world can attain their success without the help of other people.
Humans are social creatures, and even the most introverted of humans still desperately relies on a measure of human contact, if not human connection then human-made constructs/ products. The truth is that if you wanted to extricate yourself from civilization, you would need the help of other humans to help you realize your goal. No matter what you want or do not want out of your life, you will need the assistance or products of other people.
Please think carefully about the following questions:
- Who surrounds you?
- To whom do you listen?
- Who do you respect and admire?
- Who is your role model?
- Whom do you love?
- Who do you agree/disagree with?
I can offer two sayings that will illustrate the importance of the connections you hold with the people you associate with or respect. The first is: "You are the average of the five people around you." This saying is powerful because the five people around you do not necessarily need to mean those who physically surround you; it can also mean those whom you listen to or read. The second saying I believe is anchored in the Islamic tradition: "One who works in an abattoir will smell like an abattoir, one who works in a perfumery will smell like perfume." This saying is immaculate because it is true.
I urge the reader to consciously expend more effort and time in cultivating the correct relationships. I also recommend that the reader removes the toxic relationships that they are entertaining. I also firmly believe that we all recognize a negative relationship, but we often delay action until the damage inflicted has reached a critical mass.
Here is one final saying to ponder, and one of my personal favourites: "If you want to travel fast, travel alone. If you want to travel far, go together."
The first episode of 2021 is about incremental implementation & micro habits. These two concepts are important if you want to maintain or implement changes in your life.
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Mastery of anything takes practice, patience, and time.
Force yourself every single day to go through the motions that you want to inculcate in your life while being careful to not overload your body or mind by taking on too much.
After maintaining a specific micro-habit for an extended period, you can pile on another. Given that the mind accustoms itself to one particular micro-habit, you can then begin to implement another if and when you find that the original micro-habit is performed daily with little to no effort. To repeat this, do not overload yourself with more than what you can realistically manage; you must be honest with yourself. If you decide to carry a load that it is more substantial than what you can take, you will drop it.
Weightlifters do not begin their careers with a 200KG bench-press, start at 5kg, then 10kg; this will make controlling your mind much more manageable.
This leads us perfectly to today’s topic: Incremental Implementation.
‘Incremental’ defined is a slight change in a system, either positive or negative. Both are important for our purposes. For example, you want to begin drinking more water in your day. You start by drinking an extra glass in the morning; this is a definite gradual increase.
You are a smoker, and you want to quit, you can stop ‘cold turkey’ ( I do not know why they call it that), but another method that is easier to maintain and has a higher likelihood of success is incrementally/gradually, decreasing the amount you smoke in a day. Instead of five cigarettes a day, you smoke four, then three, then two.
The concept of incrementation is easy to comprehend and internalize because performing any incremental change is simple in its execution, and it is for this reason that successful people are successful. They incrementally implement manageable changes within their lives and continually improve upon them. You have no idea how efficient these people become. You must start somewhere.
The very nature of incremental implementation of a change within your life is the reason it becomes easy to maintain. Once you retain a minor modification, you create a positive feedback loop within your mind. You perform ‘x’ then reward yourself with ‘y’ then because you received ‘y’ you perform ‘x’ again. This fact is powerfully understated. The reward is the serotonin & dopamine you receive from yourself in addition to whatever reward you have stipulated before implementation.
Think about where you will be in a few years if you decide to grab life with both hands. You are built for adversity; you are strong, you are capable.
To bid farewell to the year, we learn about how to induce a sea change.
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Where Should You Begin? How do you even begin to make changes in your life if you feel completely overwhelmed by the number of things that you want to change?
This question is difficult for a few reasons; the main reason would be: “Where do you start?”, do you start by organizing your debts? Do you start by fixing your car? Do you start by renovating your room?
Another reason why this question is problematic is that how do you know which task is the most important task to tackle? Allow me to simplify this for you:
Start with the easiest and most straightforward thing you can do. Clean your room. If your room is clean already, then spend 30 minutes organizing to simplify your life. For example, have your T-shirts/Blouses held in such a way that you do not need to look through your closet for 15 minutes to find one. Have them all in one neat and orderly folded pile.
So, you have cleaned or organized your room, what now? Do you make your bed every morning? If you do, then well done. If you do not, then making your bed is the perfect example of a micro-habit that has an immense impact on the quality of your life. Making your bed consistently every morning puts you in the mindset of success. Why? Well, when you are making your bed you are not merely draping your blanket over the top of the mattress and walking away (although that is better than nothing), instead, you are expending effort trying to perfect the bed. You are paying attention to the corners and the ripples in the top cover and smoothing out the crinkles so that you are looking at a smooth and orderly surface. Then you place your pillows in a tidy and organized manner—perfection (your version of it). When you return to your bed that night, two things will greet you: your oriented and handsome bed and your sense of accomplishment and pride with yourself. This sense will drive you to perform the same actions the following morning.
Making your bed every morning and maintaining a clean-living space will cause other things in your life to change.
The orderliness of your room juxtaposed against the chaos of your life will allow you to know precisely what and how to tackle any given task. In other words, because you spent your time doing something productive instead of lounging about you are 2% better for it, this 2% improvement will translate to a significant improvement the longer you maintain a habit, and the more beneficial practices you chain together, the better you become. Therefore, I say: start by starting; however, I would amend my original statement to the following:
“Start by starting small”.
Failure is a prevailing undertone in life's major choices. This episode presents you with a better way of looking at this pervasive concept.
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Fail Successfully Life offers us a set of choices every single day and when you 'zoom out' you will begin to see that life is nothing but a series of decisions and the quality of your life depends intrinsically on the outcome of those choices.
We can either get out of bed when we wake up, or stay in bed for a little while longer, we can tell the person we are interested in that we are interested in them or not, we can clean our home now, or we can put it off. These are all examples of basic everyday choices that everyone on this planet considers, intelligence and status have little 'say' in the quality of your life. (I am in no way saying that intelligence and status do not play a role in the quality of your life, I am merely highlighting the importance of the seemingly unimportant factors that play a role in our day to day life).
I want you to imagine something—picture two people. The first person was born into an ultra-high class family and was afforded the best in life: World-class education, world-class health care, world-class amenities and the luxuries that most of us can only dream of— now, imagine yourself. (This exercise is purely for reflective purposes, never compare yourself to someone else. Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday). You are content with what you have, somethings in your home are in disrepair, but you have a roof over your head, a pillow to lay that head every night and food in the pantry and the fridge. Now, this affluent individual whom you have captured in your mind's eye is lazy, demotivated, and nihilistic. Their approach to life is dejection and contempt; he/she wants things to come to him/her because that is how it has always been.
Now, imagine yourself. Average intellect/IQ, average grades, average socioeconomic status. Average life. The only difference is this: You wake up in the morning intending to tackle every single option/choice facing you with determination and enthusiasm. Your 'mere' attitude will yield success. You will form healthier relationships with your mind, body, family, spirituality and friends and even the people you come into contact with daily, all because you chose to do so. Everything happens up there (mind) before it manifests itself in the world around you.
The fear of failure that you will experience after having exerted the effort needed to perform a task is irrational. The only way failure is guaranteed is not to try—question your rationality.
'Failure' has negative connotations in that no one wants to fail, but; you should never look at failure as a negative in the first place. Failure is always an opportunity for growth. Choose to shift your perspective from one of negativity to positivity. Two 'negatives' will always equal a negative—Algebra ting.
The most exceptional people in the world continually harp on about 'failure'. Why? They understand the fear that we all contend with, and they are telling you that it is ok to 'fail'. There is nothing wrong with failure! Try and fail every day, so the next day you succeed! You cannot expect to go through life not having failed anything, can you? Fail so that you may succeed.
ATTN: The audio quality significantly improves after the two (2) minute mark.
This episode is a little out of the left-field because of its lack of structure, use it a general reminder, hopefully, you find Oliver's ambitions as amusing as he did.
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Note: This was written in March 2020.
When you are consistent with a new habit, you must reward yourself. Imagine you are the boss of yourself. Order yourself to go to the kitchen and do a few dishes and then tell yourself that if you do this, you will reward yourself with a few minutes on Tiktok or YouTube; you get the idea.
When you interview for a new role at a corporation, you are expected to negotiate a salary, apply the same logic to your day. This way, the relationship becomes a 'give and take'. When I have busy days, I allot time for myself throughout the day to maintain my productivity. In other words, after I work on something for an hour or so, I will get up and have a chat with my grandmother or whatever. Not everyone can sit down for prolonged periods without respite. Use common sense. Be strict and when you perform, reward yourself. You deserve it.
Recreation is important. The word 'recreation' means to 're', 'create', when you reward yourself you are also 're' 'creating' yourself, you will find that when you force yourself to do a task that you do not want to do and then relax, that relaxation becomes so much sweeter because you earnt it.
The ultimate goal is reaching the point where your perspective for tasks you did not want to tackle in the past shifts. You will notice that cumbersome tasks become less so, and the mental warmup that you used to undergo disappears. You will become the master of yourself. You shifted the paradigm, an employee, to a boss.
To encourage you, I want to give you a personal example. I have been enrolled in university for over seven years (intermittently). There was nothing in this world that could make me sit down and study. Nothing. I even changed my degree to something that I enjoyed, and when that did not work, I changed my university! That did not work either.
Please find the rest of the entry on the website.
A logical& candid breakdown on how to remain steadfast on your path and sticking to your promises.
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Firstly, you must have the self-awareness to understand and realize when you are performing a bad habit. You cannot begin to fix something that you do not know is broken. This self-awareness is incredibly powerful if you can develop it to the point where you catch your thought process before you perform a bad habit. Some examples of bad habits are staying in bed after you wake up for a prolonged period for no good reason, binging a show when you have urgent and important tasks to tend to, putting off your responsibilities and chores because you are not in the mood to do them. You get the idea. Unpleasant habits typically revolve around gratification— placating your desire immediately.
Secondly, you must come to understand the reasoning behind your unpleasant habits. Tackle one at a time and start with the simplest one. Let us say you do not drink enough water in the day. This one is incredibly common and the easiest to fix and has enormous benefits. After all, water composes the majority of our body. One reason you might not be drinking enough water is forgetfulness. You do not remember to drink water throughout the day. This forgetfulness is incredibly easy to remedy. Open your phone, go to your calendar, and create an event titled “Drink water, you minx.” Now, go into the options and do two things. Set the event to occur every single day and set it to become an all-day event. Now, whenever you open your phone, you should see “Drink water, you minx”. Nice. Whenever you see that, do your best to sip water. Try and think of other positive habits that you want to do and pop them into your calendar. (For more on scheduling see "The Schedule")
See the link above for the rest of the entry.
This episode covers scheduling, a high-performance habit and a tool to simplify your life. The objective of this episode is 'de-daunt' the whole topic.
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The Schedule Scheduling and time blocking is a detailed art form, and it is incredibly underrated. It is thanks to God and my schedule that my days are so smooth and productive.
When someone looks at my calendar, they become overwhelmed by the sheer density; however, upon further inspection, they would realize that my schedule is primarily composed of daily recurring events. These events are the cornerstone of my day.
The most challenging aspect of a program is the time you wake up and sleep; however, once you have solidified your sleeping routine; your life will become more comfortable. All you then need to do is dedicate at least 10 minutes a day to scheduling your time. I plan in the morning; you may do it in the evening. It is up to you.
Dr Jordan Peterson’s assessment of a schedule is similar to the opposite of prison and notes that most people shirk away from scheduling their time for fear of locking themselves into a rigid routine. This fear is the incorrect mindset for intelligent scheduling. Many find (Myself included) that a correct and orderly schedule will in fact free you, not constrain.
The trick to plotting your daily timetable is quite literally to create a day that you would want to have. This desire then means that when you sit down and decide to develop your schedule for the day, you will think about events that would make the day worthwhile to you. If you want to watch Netflix for two hours, go ahead and schedule that in, it is essential to note that you need to adopt a measure of responsibility at this stage. You cannot plan a full day of nothing; you will only dig yourself into a deeper hole. Schedule in some time to tackle the chores of your home or learning. Your imagination and your wallet limit your options for your day; If you want to do it, put it in.
When you first begin to schedule your life, you will be inconsistent and fail to perform events that you have planned; this is to be expected because you have never created a schedule before. You cannot possibly hope to be a master of routine and organization after two weeks! It takes time, like everything worth doing. But for your own sake, stick at it.
Scheduling will improve your life because a correct and orderly schedule will show you that you have enough time to do whatever you want to do. You will have time for your family, friends, yourself, your career, your studies, your hobbies, every bloody thing possible can fit in a week of precise scheduling.
Schedule your days, and you will schedule your life.
You will learn practical and actionable things that you can start doing today to help you to improve your effort and focus levels.
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The following entry will resonate deeply with those who are disciplined.
If you are interested in increasing your discipline, please read the other entries.
You should understand by now that discipline underpins all actions aimed towards accomplishing your goals and therefore is critical to those wanting to achieve more.
I define momentum in this context as your ability to maintain a consistent energy output towards your goals over a set period up to the point where you achieve your aims. This period could be a few days, months, or even years.
How do we maintain momentum? Firstly, you must be specific with your aim. This is because if your objective is unspecified, you are also unspecified.
Specifying your aims and ambitions means that you also determine the opposite of your goals, i.e. failure. This specificity will guide your actions and thoughts so that you can prevent failure. Failure is not a terrible thing in and of itself. Failure is an invaluable opportunity to gain experience. Internalize and believe this fact.
Secondly, you must be kind to yourself. If you have just finished a particularly strenuous productive session, you must reward yourself. It does not matter what it is, do something to switch off. This way, you will develop an internal mechanism that informs your subconscious mind that if you do ‘x’, you will receive ‘y’.
Thirdly, discover what times of the day you are most productive, then capitalize on that.
For me, I have been able to maintain productivity from the moment I wake up (5:30 AM) to around 11:30 AM, my energy levels then drop significantly, so if I can, I have a short nap (15-20 minutes) on the couch to kick start my batteries. This power nap works wonders.
This tip is especially useful for students who are studying from home during this pandemic. For those who do not have this luxury, you might want to consider meditation whenever you experience a dip in energy levels. For the night owls, you should try 30 seconds of jumping jacks followed by ten pushups. This short burst of energy will reenergize you 300% of the time.
Fourthly, schedule time in the week where you do whatever you want to do. Allow your desires to roam freely. If you have organized your time effectively, you should experience little to no responsibility nagging your mind while you recline and relax during this time. This preallotted time is useful because you will always have a point in the week that you can work towards, this will increase your motivation to maintain momentum.
To recap, to maintain your momentum, do the following:
- Specify your objective
- Reward yourself after a productive session
- Capitilize on the times in the day that you are most productive
- Schedule time in the week/day for you
This episode demystifies the whole mindset conversation. You also learn how to accomplish your goals.
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Free Throws & Mindset Dr Biasiotto, from the University of Chicago, organized a study where he had three groups of people: A, B, C. He instructed each member in the group to shoot free throws a total of ten times. After they completed this simple task, Dr Biassiotto asked group A to practice in a basketball court every day for a month and to return upon completion. He then instructed Group B to do nothing at all. No practice. No thinking about Basketball. No, to even touching a Basketball. Group C was interesting. Dr Biasssiotto asked group C to spend a few minutes every morning for the next month visualizing themselves shooting and scoring points.
Group A saw an improvement of 26%. Group B saw no growth at all: no practice no progression. Group C’s results were shocking. Group C produced an increase of 22% directly through their visualization of the attainment of success. What do we learn from this study? We should never underestimate the power of the mind.
So, you know you are not where you want to be. You know you want to be more. You know you will achieve remarkable things. How do you manifest your pictured reality? Mindset.
The mind is profoundly powerful, I have mentioned this here before, but it needs repetition. Unlocking your mind will unlock your potential.
- You can not underestimate yourself.
- You are more than good enough.
- Your past does not matter.
- Your history does not determine your future.
Malcolm X was a drug-pushing armed robber! You can and will be more than who you are at this present moment in time. It will take work, but here is where you can start.
Like everything in life, practice makes perfect, cliché but true to its core. Any world-class athlete has practised harder and smarter than anyone else; any high scoring student outworked their cohort, life is a challenging competition; this is reality, accept it.
Let us say you are a student who wants to score higher in their exams and classes. The first thing you need to do is sit down. You might turn around and say, “I find it difficult to stay seated for extended periods” EVERYONE DOES. You need to train your mind to become accustomed to sitting down for lengthy periods. Eventually, you will love it.
You must start small, and then gradually increase the period. Weightlifters did not start bench pressing 500 kgs. They started at 10, then 20. You get the idea. Apply this principle to anything and everything that you want to do that you find difficult.
You need to be strict with yourself; it is the only way you will manifest your desired reality. If you find yourself straying from the path that is fine and to is expected! Get back on the horse as soon as feasible. Eventually, you will find sweetness in your work, whether it is studying, reading, or cooking, it does not matter.
Training and controlling your mind— and by extension, your desires— will change your life and improve your trajectory.
This process will take time, but good things come to those who are patient.
(This is in no way saying that if you sit around quietly and wait, good things will come to you. They will not.)
Three practical tips to help you peel away from the black mirror.
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How to Reduce Your Phone Time We are all guilty of scrolling aimlessly and endlessly.
I will give you three straightforward ways to minimize your phone usage.
The benefits of having a cell phone are not to be underestimated, boiled down, your phone is your link to the world and your loved ones. However, we often become so engrossed with the black mirror that we lose track of time. When we regain awareness, we regrettably realize that we have just squandered 30 minutes to people dancing on Tiktok. (personal experience speaking here).
How do we stop this?
To-do lists First thing you must consider is to create a to-do list for the day as soon as you wake up. Jot down at least three things you want to accomplish by the end of the day. Do not worry too much about scheduling the time to do it; write it down. The reason for this is that when you have something to refer to throughout the day, you will feel incredibly accountable to yourself and therefore guilty when you catch yourself wasting precious time.
Do Not Disturb The second thing you need to do is utilize the 'do not disturb' mode on your phone a lot more frequently than you currently do. The 'do not disturb' mode is a godsend. Whenever you are about to begin a task that will take a considerable amount of time, switch on 'do not disturb' so that your phone's notifications do not distract you from the task at hand. Eventually, this invaluable functionality will become such a utilized feature that you will immediately switch it on whenever you watch a show or even wash the dishes. Another good thing about 'do not disturb' is that when you switch it off the influx of notifications on your screen make you feel good. Do not ask me why, but notifications seem to make anyone feel good.
Application Timers Lastly, application timers— this one is powerful. Every phone has an inbuilt timer for each application. You can access it through your settings, and it essentially allows you to limit the usage of an app through a timer that prevents you from using the app if you have used up all of the time for the day. In the beginning, you will dramatically limit your time because you will be so shocked by the amount of time you use on some of these applications. However, you need to remember that the total time you are seeing is not reflecting continuous sprints of usage; instead, it is reflecting your overall use.
When I first began to limit my time on specific applications, I was astonished to see that I was spending close to three hours on social media a day. However, I realized that I was spending this time in short sprints, and, most of this time was spent speaking to friends and interacting with different people. Regardless, you should restrict your application usage because spending all day on social media is not doing you any favours. (Unless you are making money through it).
Be mindful of your phone usage so that you can focus on what matters—You.
4 proven ways to stop negative thinking loops & the link between destiny and free will.
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I believe that everything in my life has been predetermined and predestined before the beginning of time.
This concept in and of itself is a slippery slope. Because we all possess a measure of free will, we can do what we want when we want and how we want—within reason.
In the Islamic tradition, a man is speaking to a scholar about determinism and free will.
He asks the scholar to define and illustrate the difference between the two.
The scholar tells the man to lift one leg of the floor.
He then tells him to lift his other leg of the floor while keeping the first leg raised.
The man, exasperated, says that that is impossible.
The scholar tells him that determinism and free will is like this.
Some things are within our control and some things that are not.
Your level of religiosity does not affect your understanding of this concept.
The internalization of this idea is crucial to one's development.
It allows you to let go of the things that are out of your control and to take control of the things that are.
If you want to make a difference in your life today, then the fastest way to do this is to stop ruminating on the past.
You need to stop thinking about what happened when you were younger and how if you did xyz you would be in xyz position. NO, that did not happen, and you are wasting your precious and scarce time thinking about what could have been than what can be.
If you find yourself stuck in a loop, in other words, you keep thinking about something, and you hate thinking about it, do this: hum the tune to your favourite song.
Keep humming, your mind will slow down, and you will begin to focus on the music.
You must take control of your thoughts, and this is not easy. Think of your mind as literally any other muscle in your body, (Only this muscle can open the world to you) you need to train your mind, the more you train yourself, the stronger you become!
A mind under your control looks like this: less procrastination, less harmful habits, increase in your proclivity for tasks you used not want to do. There are no side effects to Mastering Yourself.
Stop wasting your time being concerned and doting over a person who does not reciprocate those sentiments.
You are too valuable,
too precious,
and far too busy.
Focus on yourself and your home.
Ego is a seemingly inconspicuous aspect of our lives that can potentially stunt our growth permanently.
How can we prevent this?
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How to defeat Your Ego Your Ego will challenge you when you think about making changes in your life, especially if those changes are coming from someone whom you do not respect.
Ego can conflate your current state and convince you that you are fine where you are in this present moment, Ego can also negatively affect the relationships you hold. Imagine that you just argued with your siblings, a secure way to peace is to swallow your pride and apologize. The Ego will prevent this.
It becomes essential to those wanting to make changes in their life to recognize the hold of their Ego.
Developing your recognition will allow you to notice when Ego is speaking to your conscious and unconscious mind.
A typical conversation between Ego and you would be the following:
You: Man, I wish I could wake up earlier.
Ego: What for?
Y: I want to utilize my time more effectively.
E: Ye, I understand, but what for? Why bother? You are fine doing what you are doing, what is the point in changing?
Y: You are right; there is nothing wrong with me. I am fine the way I am.
Ego makes you believe that you are perfect the way you are and do not misconstrue my words because you are fine the way you are and there is nothing wrong with you; however, you can always be better.
What is wrong with the pursuit of improvement?
Nothing.
You have nothing to lose and the world to gain.
You can argue that you are losing the world by remaining stagnant and complacent.
Challenging your Ego is initially tricky because you will not always pinpoint when that side of you is speaking, but when you think of yourself as a humble beginner with all you do, it becomes easier.
You still have something new to learn and experience every single day, you are the hero of your own story, but so is your friend, and your neighbour, reign your Ego in, it will only poison your outlook and hold you back.
Spend time having conversations with yourself much more often, and you will recognize the hold your Ego has over you.
Attaining discipline becomes easier when you understand the balance between kindness and strictness.
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Kindness and Strictness There is a prolific saying in the Islamic tradition: Tie your camel before you place your faith in God.
What does this mean?
We are strongly encouraged to put our faith and trust in God, and we are taught that we will be rewarded in the afterlife for doing so; however, this becomes moot and useless if we do not take the necessary precautions and steps needed to activate or maintain change or even begin a new chapter in your life.
It boils down to common sense. Imagine: You are applying for a home loan at the local bank. You cannot expect the bank to give you a loan if your finances are not in order and your credit history is abysmal.
You must have your affairs in order before you apply.
You cannot lie in bed, praying to God to change your life. It will not happen; you must do something. You must get off your ass and do something. Good things come to those who wait, but the early bird gets the worm.
So, how do we maintain consistency when we implement beneficial changes in our lives?
Given that you have been implementing small incremental changes it then becomes a matter of keeping those aforementioned gradual changes within the scope of possibility, meaning that you are acutely aware and present with your state which then means that you deeply attune yourself to your limitations and capabilities.
Do not lift a boulder when you cannot lift a spoon.
Another factor crucial to those needing to maintain consistency with their routines is kindness to yourself. You are your boss and your employee.
Would you work for a boss who pushes you to your limits and then fails to recognize your efforts and fails to compensate you financially? Of course not.
Treat yourself like a kind, gentle, loving, caring and affectionate boss.
Imagine: Your boss (You) told you to wake up early, meditate, prepare breakfast, clean the kitchen, stretch then exercise then go work on personal projects, and all of this before 11 AM. Reward yourself! You deserve it! Relax on the couch, watch something funny, call a friend, have a nap! Your boss (You) has acknowledged your efforts, now reap the well-deserved reward.
If you reward yourself whenever you do something that you do not want to do, guess what happens? You eventually begin to do that thing without needing a reward!
The ultimate goal is to attain internal mental homeostasis, which is another way of saying reaching a level where you action your newly developed micro habits and routines with little to no effort which means that they are now the new ‘norm’ in your life.
This point varies for different people; for me, it was 30 days before I achieved homeostasis.
Treat yourself like a kind yet strict boss so you can maintain consistency.
The best habit of all time is exercise; we also touch on Coffee.
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We can all identify with and relate to feeling lethargic and grumpy when we wake up.
I would argue that it is this very combination of emotion is the reason for many of us failing to exercise when we wake up early in the morning, what if I told you that if you were to exercise in the morning that grumpy and lethargic feeling will disappear and satisfaction and contentment will replace them?
When you exercise in the morning not only are you taking care of your body (that in itself should be enough of a motivating factor for you), but you are also taking care of your mind and by extension your mood.
Can you imagine how much better your days would become if you were to be one of those ‘annoying’ morning people?
I am not saying that exercising in the morning will make you a chipper and enthusiastic individual, but it will make you prepared to tackle the day.
Regular exercise will boost your energy levels, that is a scientific fact.
So, if you are always lethargic and tired, put down the third cup of coffee and do some jumping jacks.
If you want to increase your productivity, but you have trouble focusing for prolonged periods, guess what? Exercise will improve your focus.
A study in 2019 published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine discovered that exercise in the morning improves your attention, visual learning, and decision-making.
The best reason for exercising in the morning (in my opinion) is the improvement of mood.
Exercise is the best remedy to stress, your brain produces those delicious endorphins (the feel-good hormone) when you exercise, this is the reason millions are addicted to exercise, arguably the best addiction on the face of this planet.
So, if you feel down and out and generally out of sync, exercise, it does not have to be substantial as well! That is the trick; you can do some jumping jacks, or run in place or failing those two, take a brisk walk.
Morning exercise will improve your concentration and focus, give you more energy and make you feel good.
You are doing yourself a disservice by skipping this.
Just do it. (Thanks again Nike).
This episode is important because we usually overlook the simple things when trying to make changes in our life.
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Your Space and You Consistency inextricably links to discipline.
Discipline is your ability to do something that you do not want to do. Consistency is doing something that you do not necessarily want to do but doing it regardless and doing it repeatedly.
There is an adage from the genius Albert Einstein, and he says that insanity is going through life, achieving comparable results, and becoming frustrated that your results are the same.
What makes you think that you will change if you do not change anything? That is the definition of insanity.
Given that establishing consistency requires discipline, what is something that you can do today to improve your discipline?
Pick something in your life that you want to fix, it must be a simple problem, something that does not overwhelm you when you think about it, and it would also help if it were an aspect within your life that you do not see as 'needing to be fixed', for example: What does your work station look like?
Some people prefer their workspace to be dishevelled and slightly messy (there is a difference between untidy and dirty, if your workspace is filthy, clean it.) Others prefer their workspace to be neat and orderly, it does not matter what camp you fall into, but I want you to look at your workspace with a pair of fresh eyes, look around you and think to yourself: "What can I do, that is within my power that can improve my experience while I am working?".
A million things will begin to jump out at you. You will notice that your desk could be in a better position, perhaps in front of a window instead of facing a wall, you could also see that some greenery would improve the ambience of your space, you could also purchase some scented candles so that upon entry you are greeted with a beautiful fragrance. There are so many different things that you can do.
Putting your living spaces in order has a spillover effect onto your life, this is fantastic because now, not only are you proud of yourself for organizing your workspace/living room/ bathroom but you have also dramatically improved your experience whenever you are in those spaces.
Think about it like this: You just spent all this time and effort organizing and improving your space, so now your mind is thinking about other areas of your life that need attention, and when you start to think like this, a magical thing will happen. Your brain will rewire itself, and you will begin to want to do things that you did not necessarily use to want to do, you will crave that feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction that you attain when you complete something that was in the back of your mind.
Reaching this stage is two short steps away from attaining discipline. Because now, you need to be able to do something that you know is beneficial for you, but you do not want to do. If you consistently do this, you have changed your life.
Start by putting your space in order, the rest will follow.
Part 2 of How to Be a Positive Person.
AMC Website
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YOU AND COVID I can appreciate and understand that the current pandemic is to blame for the majority of these negative lifestyle choices that I see around me. Nonetheless, you cannot allow circumstances that are out of your control to derail your life.
You are permitted and expected to undergo some adverse side effects because of these current circumstances, but it has been over five months, that is almost half the year! How long can you allow something that is out of everyone’s control to dictate your life?
Ok, let us say that the pandemic is not the reason why you are the way you are, is it because you do not know where to begin?
Because that one is simple to tackle, start by starting small (I will release this entry on the 17th of August).
Is it because you fail to see the point of making changes? That is simple to address as well. See “Why Bother?”.
Is it because you do not care about yourself? Is it? Ok, well we can tackle that.
So, let us assume that you do not care about the quality of work that you produce, you do not put any effort into your assignments from your University or school or your work, and on top of that, you find it difficult to focus when your finally manage to sit down, so that puts you off even further.
Hence, you decide to spend your time scrolling on your phone, playing games, or doing anything other than you are supposed to do.
This is common and normal. If you don’t see the point of trying, please read “Why bother?”, if you want to try your best but feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that you need to do to attain the results you wish to achieve this is a positive! This wish will drive you to success! But how do we manifest this ‘wish’?
You need to accept the fact that what you want to do is very hard; you are not demotivated and lazy, there is NOTHING wrong with you, you are chopping down a tree with a spoon and are frustrated when you do not see any abrasions in the bark after ‘chopping’ for years. Allow me to offer you an axe.
The first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. Do not be too hard on yourself, take a deep breath, acknowledge that you are worthy of success and happiness and internalize this crucial fact. You are infinitely worthy of joy; you are infinitely worthy of respect and admiration. You are worthy.
The second thing is that you will make a sincere promise to yourself to have no more ‘zero days.
A ‘zero-day’ are those days where you go to bed having accomplished zero, zilch, nada, zip.
Begin by getting at least one thing done by the end of the day, and it can be anything.
Write in your journal, wash the dishes, fold the laundry, look after your skin. Anything.
No more zero days. Turning your life around requires a consistent and continuous string of non-zero days. When you have maintained a series of non-zero days, see if you feel the same way. Spoiler, you will not.
No more zero days.
Practical and easy methods to help you be a positive person and maintain positivity- all in under 8 minutes.
Oliver's Instagram.
AMC website.
The world has been plunged further into turmoil after a huge explosion destroyed a massive portion of Beirut, Lebanon. Residents flooded the internet with graphic videos and images showing the two blasts; the first one was relatively small in comparison to the second one, absolutely devasting. A political representative was speaking to a reporter while they were amidst the wreckage, and after telling the reporter that the carnage surrounding them is a national calamity, he immediately burst into tears. Devasting. This year has been comically terrible. I do not think anyone will be surprised if today another pandemic appeared in Antarctica. It is overwhelming.
My mother mentioned to me that she is finding it difficult to remain positive, and I do not blame her. Words fail me, and I cannot begin to describe just how bad this year has become for every single person on the face of this earth.
We cannot lose hope. Hope and positivity are the only things that will see us through this phase of ‘bad’; nothing is permanent, life, death, good, bad, wealth, poverty.
Positivity and hope will see us through.
Be thankful for what you do have.
If you are reading this, you likely have a roof over your head, or a meal in your stomach or somewhere to place your head every night, failing the above, you have life.
Some might say the burden of life is a weight that they do not want or cannot lift, to them I say ‘be patient’, things will get easier, you will become wiser by merely making it to the end of the day.
Maintaining positivity is not easy, it might be the most challenging thing to do, especially given our current circumstances, but, if you do not inculcate positivity in your life, then you will be in worse shape when this phase of ‘badness’ is over.
If you cannot be hopeful when you look around you, then think about the following line of logic:
· You do not have the power or capability to make a difference in anything you see on the news.
· You cannot create a cure for COVID-19.
· You cannot eradicate tyranny and terrorism just through your pure desire to eliminate it.
· You cannot rid the world of bad men leading good people.
All you need to do is look at the front page of any newspaper. How can you not feel overwhelmed? How can you not feel dejected and depressed?
The world is terrible. What difference does it make?
The rest of the entry is linked above.
In this episode, you learn how to delay gratification; a trait that is proven to increase your chances of attaining success.
More on the AMC website.
Oliver's Instagram
Present and future 'you' Today I want to speak about looking after yourself.
I am not talking about face masks and Epsom salt baths (although those have their importance), I am speaking about your inherent awareness and understanding that your actions and thoughts in the present have a direct impact on your future.
If you were to split yourself into the present ‘you’ and the future ‘you’, you will notice something interesting.
You will begin acting in a way that benefits your future self. This is powerful.
For example, you have a pile of clothes on the couch. You decide that you will take care of it now so that your future self does not have to take care of it. This is a considerably basic example and is constrained to a limited abbreviated period. If you were to extrapolate the resulting causes of your present actions to further down your timeline, imagine where you could be.
Everything boils down to sacrificing your present comfort for ultimate comfort.
There was a study in the 1960s conducted by a professor from Stanford University named Walter Mischel.
Researchers and scientists evaluated hundreds of children between the ages of four and five, and they discovered a crucial factor and a behavioural characteristic that if inculcated and vigilantly present, one is significantly more inclined to success than those who do not have this behaviour—the ability to delay gratification.
In this experiment, children were placed in a room with a marshmallow on the table in front of them. The scientists told them that if they could resist the urge to eat the marshmallow until they returned to the room, they will receive a second marshmallow; if they ate the first marshmallow, no second marshmallow.
So, the choice was simple, one ‘marshy’? Or two?
The researchers then continued to follow up with the children over 40 years. They found that the children who were able to delay gratification were significantly more successful than their ‘gratificationally’ inclined counterparts.
Scientists measured success along a plethora of criteria, obesity, substance abuse, social skills, better responses to stresses, the list goes on. This ‘Marshmallow Experiment’ conclusively proved that those who can delay gratification would be successful.
So, let us say you have poor control over your will power for your desires.
How do you remedy this? Simple (In theory).
You must begin to inculcate the implementation of incremental micro-habits in your life.
This is significantly easier than making massive changes in your life because the changes are so small that they do not require too much effort to perform.
Incremental improvements mean that you increase the difficulty of the micro-habit only once you are satisfied with your current discipline towards the current micro-habit.
Do not move on to the next stage until you are happy with your progress.
For example, do not make the intention to run every day. You will stick to this proclamation for the first two weeks (if that) and lose motivation (because of its transience).
Instead, tell yourself you will go for a 10-minute walk every second day.
The rest of the entry is on the website.
Oliver's Instagram
AMC Website
It boiled down to putting my life in order, I can see the paradox there, because putting your life in order is a process within a process within a more critical process, so you cannot ‘boil down’ a possible solution to putting your life in order. However, that is the truth.
It started with me wanting to make a change because I knew that my then-current state was inadequate for the ambitions that I had set in place for myself. Therefore, I needed to change.
My thoughts were negative in the sense that they prevented me from aspiring to be more because I subconsciously understood that I had a less than a zero percent chance of achieving the goals I had set for myself.
So, the first item on the proverbial agenda was repairing my sleeping schedule. My sleeping schedule was genuinely shocking; I would sometimes sleep at 10oclock in the morning, only to chase that up the next day by sleeping at 3 AM. It was a mess.
The second item was organizing my days so that when my days were over, I was in a better state (responsibility wise) than I was in the morning. I did this by time-blocking and scheduling. (More on this in later entries).
The third item was ensuring that I adhered to item one and two. This adherence was the most difficult to achieve.
I was building habits, and habits need to be nourished and fed like a tree, if you neglect a habit, it will die. Therefore, I dedicated my mornings to forming habits and routines. I was able to diligently dedicate myself to these tasks because I had specified my aim, which in turn meant that I had defined the opposite of my objective, i.e. failure. My desire to not fail impelled me to wake up every single morning and dedicate time to the inculcation of the habits I wanted to implement.
If negative thoughts plague you, ask yourself if your life is in order.
Are you content with your sleeping habits? Are you satisfied with your eating habits? Are you exercising? Are you spending enough time with your family? Are you in a healthy relationship? Are you happy with your current line of work and or degree? Are you satisfied with your competence as a brother/sister/significant other/ employee/employer? These are tough questions that we must pose to ourselves regularly because they will allow us to identify stagnation. Stagnation is the poison of progress. Progress is the key to meaning. Meaning is the key to happiness.
Assess your current state and take the initiative to action changes to rectify your shortcomings. Be the person you want to be.
Question your competence.
On the fifth instalment of the AMC podcast, Oliver tells you why you should establish a consistent sleeping routine, and he also gives you a practical and easy method to wake up and go to sleep on time every single day, check out the AMC website for more on how to improve your self-discipline.
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AMC Website
Given that you have the inherent desire to change and the understanding that your current self is inadequate in its knowledge, motivation and discipline, (among many other things), how do you then begin to change your circumstances?
The first thing you need to do is establish a consistent sleeping routine.
This is incredibly difficult. So. incredibly. difficult.
However, if you can manage to do this, you are guaranteed success.
Why?
Because sleep is so. damn. good.
Sleep is the opiate of the masses.
Sleep is the bane of our existence.
If you can deny yourself that “oh-so-good” sleep-in and peel that blanket off you and struggle out of bed in the morning for 14 days in a row (it does not matter if it is weekend or a weekday), you will change your life.
How can a consistent sleeping routine change your life?
Here a few reasons.
1) Denying yourself a sleep-in means that you have successfully conquered your desire to stay in bed. This increases your discipline.
2) Increases in discipline mean that your affinity for tasks which you once considered to be undesirable will increase. The very nature of dreaded tasks is that the outcome of those tasks is usually beneficial.
For example, if you do the dishes now, you will not have to do it later, which then frees up your time so you can focus on yourself or whatever you would rather focus on.
4) Maintaining a streak of completing undesirable tasks then results in those once ‘undesirable’ tasks to become less so, which then results in you deriving pleasure from completing/tackling your responsibilities.
The rest of the entry is on the website, linked above.
In the fourth episode, Oliver gives you three reasons why we all procrastinate and a guaranteed way to stop.
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AMC Website
Procrastination & Desire. Procrastination. A gentle word for a simple concept.
Procrastination is another way of saying: "I do not have the discipline needed for this task, so I am going to put it off/most likely not even do it."
Everyone suffers from this, and technically there is nothing wrong with it.
The issue begins to pose a severe risk to your personal growth and productivity when you allow procrastination to hamper your progress.
Instead of sitting down and working on your assignment or cleaning the house, you sit on your phone for an hour watching Tiktoks.
You need to stop.
Why do we procrastinate? There are a few reasons.
Suppose you feel that the task at hand is overwhelming. Break it down.
If the task at hand is not engaging, do something that speaks to you. (This applies to study/work/projects, NOT to chores around the house. Do the bloody dishes.)
If you are worried/concerned about failure after you complete the task at hand, then the only way to guarantee failure is not to try at all. Question your rationality.
Do you have some superhero whom you have on speed dial who will swoop in and save your day?
Are you just that intelligent and smart that you can put off your work to the last minute/day and still manage a decent mark?
Imagine you expended time and effort, where would you be?
Life is difficult as it is, but it will become unforgiving to those who are unpracticed in discomfort.
Practising discomfort is another way of saying: "Learn to front-load your pain", which means to develop a proclivity for tasks that you do not want to complete.
Procrastination is a pervasive and damaging issue, and it boils down to a lack of discipline.
You must improve your ability to say "no" to yourself, it is the only way to defeat your desire to procrastinate.
Imagine: you are working away, and the person you hate most in the world strolls into the room and shows you a funny video.
You decide to look at it.
You laugh.
Then get back to work.
This person steps away from you for a few moments then ambles back to your face and shows you another video.
This time, you are engrossed; you cannot look away.
When you check the time, you realize that you have just wasted 45 minutes of your life.
You glance behind you.
There is no one there.
It was you all along.
You are your own worst enemy.
Whenever you hear that voice in your mind telling you to put something off, you need to order him/her to be quiet.
Fight.
Be strong.
You are holding yourself back every time you give in!
You can and will do this!
Success occurs in your mind before it manifests itself in the physical realm around you.
Be the person you are meant to be.
Stand-up and fight your desires.
In the third episode, Oliver speaks about why YOU should bother making changes in your life. He also introduces a key concept: The incremental implementation of micro-habits.
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AMC Website
Why should you even bother changing the way you do things?
Why should you bother with this whole 'self-help' thing?
What's the point?
Why expend precious and scarce effort establishing habits that 'can' improve your life when the alternative—leaving everything as is— is infinitely easier?
These are valid and important questions, but before we get to the answer, we can all agree on one thing:
Life is not easy.
If you do not agree with that, you just have not lived long enough.
Life is wholly permeated with trials, tribulations, challenges, choices, evil, corruption, malevolence and tragedy, to name a few.
So, if life is terrible and full of 'bad' that would further cement one's resolve to remain the same: 'what is the point?'
Terrible things happen, and they happen to everyone, and they will happen to you.
It is not a question of 'if', but a matter of 'when'.
When something bad happens to some people, their lives completely change.
They develop mental disorders, become reclusive, their entire personality changes.
You can prevent this.
The rest of this entry is on the website, linked above.
In the second episode, Oliver speaks about why this overly praised emotion is bullshit, and what you need to focus on instead. Follow Oliver on Instagram @olivermelbourne
Motivation and Discipline.
Two crucial and polar concepts.
Both are necessary for anyone who wants to implement change and develop new habits within their life.
So, what is the difference?
Motivation is the fleeting and short-term momentary push of emotion that surges within you and compels action before you are about to tackle a task that you don’t necessarily want to address.
It is crucial but unreliable and deceitful.
You cannot always rely on your motivation to be there when you want to go to the gym or get out of bed; motivation is contingent upon your mood and emotions and mind state.
So then how do we turn this capricious and transient emotion into a reliable constant in our lives?
Discipline.
Discipline is the answer to all your problems.
I define discipline as a car rolling down a hill. The car needs no engine, driver or petrol; the gentle decline of the slope and gravity is forcing the vehicle into motion.
Using this analogy, it then becomes a simple question of what drives us?
What is the force that propels us down the hill? (I am not comparing life to a gentle decline of a hill by saying this, life is quite the opposite.)
Why should we even bother waking up in the morning?
What for?
Well, let me ask you this: Are you pleased with your life and current state?
Are you happy with the relationships you hold with the ones you love?
Are you satisfied with the cleanliness of your home? I can go on. You get the picture.
If you honestly answered “yes” to all these questions, then let me say: Good on you.
Reach out to me and talk to me about what you have done in your life to achieve this level of satisfaction—moving on to us “normal” folks.
You might be satisfied with a good portion of your life, and that is amazing.
But do you not want to strive to be more?
Do you not want to be the best possible version of yourself?
Do you not want to achieve your goals?
Paint that picture, author that book, learn that instrument, start that drop shipping business? Do you?
OK, good.
Make that the reason you get up in the morning.
It does not matter what time you wake up in the morning in the beginning.
What matters is getting out of bed when you do wake up and refusing to stay in bed for a prolonged period.
Get out of bed and make it.
Then do that the next day, and the next.
Start with that.
Then watch as you see changes happen and they happen fast.
In the first-ever instalment of AMC, Oliver speaks about your biggest enemy. You. He also speaks about what he did to wake up early every single day. Enjoy.
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AMC Website
The goal is self. The curse is self.
This is how I explain it: We all inherently understand that we can be more, we know that our current state is not constant because no matter who you are, you have set in place some trajectory for your own life.
We change, we develop, we grow, and we learn.
The level of our growth can measure our passage through time. Hence, our ever-present goal is the betterment of our "Self".
The challenge is that despite our inherent burning desire to conquer our "Self" we are challenged by our own "Self" at every step of the way.
We tell ourselves that we can become more and achieve more, but then through our desires and infallibilities, we fight our development at every turn.
We all know that we sleep too much, we all know that we wake up later than should, we all know that we spend too much time doing nothing, and not only that, we all know that we could be doing something productive instead!
It is not as if we are lazy and unmotivated because we do not know any better; it is that it is so damn hard doing something about it!
So you see, the curse we are faced with is our own "Self."
The question then becomes: How do I conquer my "Self"?
I wish I had the answer to that problem.
If anyone had the answer to that, this world would be a haven.
I can at least offer a way to secure small victories that then turn into more prominent and more significant wins, but then something interesting begins to happen.
When you begin to make positive changes in your life you will slowly notice that the little voice in your head grows a little louder, he/she will say: "Why even bother?", "We were doing fine before?" "Why fix something that is not broken?".
At this point, things become tricky.
The mind.
The beautiful, powerful, terrifying mind.
The mind is worthy of your utmost respect.
It is your key to success.
One thing is sure: If you control your mind, success in this life is guaranteed.
Simple. Or is it?
When I told you things would become tricky when you make changes in your life, this is what I meant: The mind has been accustomed to a life of relative ease.
It is accustomed and habituated to the path of least resistance, and dislikes overworking (Similar to most of us at work: why put in 100% when 50% gets me the same pay?).
So, when we begin to realise changes in our life that are beneficial, we quickly notice the immense protest that our mind holds.
The mind knows that the changes we want to implement are going to make life better, but it will not cooperate because we are straying from the norm!
"What are you doing! What is the point?".
The rest of this entry is on the website, linked above.