The Retro Craptacular: Recent Episodes
Good Bad Movies
The Retro Craptacular podcast is on the hunt for the best bad movies on planet earth. Each month Co-hosts Aaron & Matt make their way through some of the best of the worst cinema has to offer. The results? Mental anguish for them, a good chuckle at their expense for you.
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It's Freddy, It's Jason, they fight, what more do you want?
Also, we talk about Ahsoka until 47:00
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This month we take a look at Tom Hanks' debut acting role in the made-for-TV movie, Mazes & Monsters. This episode was recorded about 6 weeks prior to release but was delayed due to technical issues, so some of the "current events" we discuss will be outdated at the time of release.
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Since it's our 69th (nice) episode we figured we should watch something sexy (?). We watched Species. Were we aroused? Listen to find out.
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We're Back! Toe celebrate our long-awaited return we decided that watching a Sci-Fi Original Movie would be a good idea. Was it?
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Any property worth its salt deserves a good old-fashioned Christmas Special! And what better way to sell toys than to mash up 2 of the best cartoon shows based on toy lines of the 80s?
We talk about Andor and stuff a bunch at the beginning. Review starts at 42:00
It's part 2 of our exploration of The Exorcist prequel films. This time we look at the original version directed by Paul Schrader. Is it any better than Renny Harlin's re-shot prequel? There's only one way to find out. Well, I guess there are two ways. You could watch them and decide for yourself, or you could just listen to us talk about them so you don't have to. You should probably do that.
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For some reason we thought it would be a good idea to watch both versions of the Exorcist prequel, starting with Renny Harlin's reshot version, Exorcist: The Beginning! Next episode we will tackle the original version, Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist. Is this a terrible idea? Probably!
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For some reason we thought it would be a good idea to watch both versions of the Exorcist prequel, starting with Renny Harlin's reshot version, Exorcist: The Beginning! Next episode we will tackle the original version, Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist. Is this a terrible idea? Probably!
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Since Buzz is back on the big screen we thought it would be fun to look back on his long-forgotten small screen debut! Buzz Lightyear of Star Command is the original origin story for the Space Ranger that Disney seems intent on forgetting. Does it hold up? Or does it suck to infinity and beyond?
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Stranger Things 4 and Kenobi Spoilers 6:57 - 26:00
Extended Stranger Things 4 and Obi-Wan Kenobi chat on Patreon!
Runaway Train is proof that if you throw enough crap at the wall, eventually something will stick.
Also Reviews for Moon Knight and Doctor Strange 2: The Traffic Lights are Backwards!! Skip to 41:00 for the Runaway Train segment.
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The first episode of our CANNON FODDER miniseries is here! In this series we take a look at the movies made by Cannon Films, starting with Chuck Norris' Cannon debut, Missing in Action!
The Batman Spoilers at 14:50 - 26:55
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We celebrate International Women's Day in the worst way possible, and for that, we are truly sorry. This is a new low. https://linktr.ee/retrocrappod
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Since it's the most romantic time of year we thought we should look at a film that captures one of the most romantic concepts of all: REVENGE! Valentine is a fun, holiday-themed slasher movie from the early 2000s by the director of Urban Legend.
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Here's a thing that absolutely should never have been made but we are so glad it was! Super Mario Bros. is an utterly baffling film that makes zero sense but also makes for an entertaining time... kinda... Spider-Man No Way Home & Hawkeye SPOILERS @ 2:20 - 24:40 linktr.ee/retrocrappod
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It's the worst Christmas Movie
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It's Man vs. Alien Cyborg in this low budget sci-fi action romp from 1989!
Spoilers for The Eternals and Dune from 5:50 - 33:56
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After Halloween 2, John Carpenter wanted to try and make Halloween an anthology franchise with each film telling a different story set on Halloween night. Halloween III Season of the Witch is what resulted. Did it work? Well, Halloween 4 is called The Return of Michael Myers, so...
Spoilers for Midnight Mass from 1:17 - 12:46
This episode is brought to you by Beneath the Bog in the Black Forest by A.S. Ember. PRE-ORDER the new audio drama today at https://asember.bandcamp.com/
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In the post-apocalyptic wasteland, a cynical drifter agrees to help a small, water-rich community escape a horde of bandits. That was the description for Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior with two words changed to make it applicable to 1987's STEEL DAWN starring patron saint of the podcast Patrick "Dalton" Swayze.
Review starts at 28:40
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In honour of Friday the 13th we wrap up the Super Spooky Summer by taking a look at Jason Voorhees' final (not so final) outing in Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday!
This episode is brought to you by SANDCASTLES & SHORELINES - a RiKai Zine: https://twitter.com/rikaizine ✨PRE-ORDERS OPEN NOW✨
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The Green Knight Audio Book: https://asember.bandcamp.com/album/sir-gawain-and-the-green-knight
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What happens when you try and sequelize an all-time classic? It's not what you'd expect... We talk about Psycho II for this episode in our Super Spooky Summer! linktr.ee/retrocrappod Tanisha's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/tanisha.tamara/ Red Cross: https://tinyurl.com/2jkvwdpa
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The Dead are back and there's gonna be trouble! Hey-la, day-la the dead are back! We kick off the Super Spooky Summer with a look at the dullest entry into one of the dumbest franchises in existence.
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Aussie schlock with a Killer Croc! Do we need to say more?
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It's our 50th episode! To celebrate 5 years of podcasting about the best, worst, and most craptacular pieces of cinema ever created, we decided to watch Mortal Kombat!! One of the worst movies with one of the best theme songs ever! Godzilla vs. Kong spoilers 14:07 - 19:56 Mortal Kombat review starts at 38:29 Check out our shit: linktr.ee/retrocrappod
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Do you like Alien? Do you like Sean Connery? Then you'll love this forgotten 1981 sci-fi western starring the man himself. It's basically High Noon on one of the moons of Jupiter.
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A long time ago, in the far reaches of space, the forefathers of the Egyptians battle a race of alien robots for survival of all man kind while in search of a long lost planet called Earth. It's not unlike another space adventure property of the time but it's also very unlike it in a way, ya know? Anyways, it's not as good as the reboot series so...
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Death Race 2000 is a Roger Corman Cult Classic! Starring David Carradine and the Sylvester Stallone, it's a campy, stupid, hilarious movie!
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It's Christmas, Ben Affleck isn't who he says he is, and he's in a whole lotta trouble. Ho. Hoho.
Jump to 37:45 to avoid Mandalorian spoilers and get straight into the movie discussion.
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Aaron on Let's Watch That: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/reign-of-fire-w-aaron-dawson/id769047829?i=1000499894435
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To celebrate the 66th anniversary of Godzilla and continue our retrospective of the year 2000, we take a look at the beginning of Toho's Millennium Era, Godzilla 2000!
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If you thought Gerard Butler was sexy in 300, just wait until you see him as Dracula 2000 in Dracula 2000; a movie that came out in the year 2000. Unless you live outside North America, in which case it's Dracula 2001. Either way, he's sexy and smouldering and he's fighting Christopher Plummer.
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Kuri "An Empire" Music Video: https://youtu.be/WTeYLB7fECQ
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Here's a movie about climbing K2 in the year 2K! Bad jokes aside, Vertical Limit is ultimately pretty fun and there's nothing Chris O'Donnell's bad wig can do to change that. Movie talk starts at 36:18 https://linktr.ee/retrocrappod
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Heavy Metal 2000 is a sequel to the 1981 cult classic, Heavy Metal! It's not as good.
Review starts at 12:12
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Same Boat is a time travel assassination movie, filmed in secret on a cruise ship. It is available now on VOD.
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"The average episode of Xena or Hercules offers a more compelling and imaginative photoplay." - Scott Foundas, Variety (Dec. 8, 2000) You're not wrong, Scott. This month we watched the hugely disappointing Dungeons & Dragons movie.
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It's a Mars double feature! Every now and then, Hollywood has an idea so good they decide to give it to us twice! As we continue to look back at the year 2000, we explore the strange duology that is Mission to Mars & Red Planet!
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It is the year 3000. Man is an endangered species.
Here it is! It's widely considered to be one of the worst movies ever made and we decided to watch it to see if it's truly as bad as the legends say.
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We once again take a look back at the year 2000 with this John Woo directed sequel to Brian De Palma's reboot of a 1960s tv series. It's Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible 2 - Mission Impossibler.
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Since the world is ending we figured it would be a good idea to list some of our favourite films to watch while in quarantine!
We each count down our individual Top Ten Quarantine Movies lists!
Plus, a special guest list from our good friend Joel from JoelWatchesMovies! Give the man a read!
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In honour of The Invisible Man making his way back to the big screen, we're talking Hollow Man from the year 2000! A weird, upsetting, and unusual dip in quality for a Paul Verhoeven joint, Hollow Man is definitely a strange one. But is it good?
Also, we talk about eating ass from 1:02:31 - 1:05:25 so if that's not your jam you can just skip on by. We won't be offended.
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We're doing something different with this one. We usually don't review new got a screener sent to us so we decided to watch it and review it. It was not a good experience.
Reality Queen! is out now on VOD and in Select Theatres.
About Reality Queen!
This “documentary,” chronicled by renowned British journalist Diana Smelt-Marlin, follows the comeback attempt of world famous heiress slash celebrity London Logo, as she struggles to regain the limelight from the current queens of reality TV – the “Kim” sisters.
Beginning with London's rise to worldwide stardom and her lifestyle of pet psychics, famous BFFs, private jets, sex tapes, her “Heirheads” reality show, international DJing career, etc., Diana Smelt-Marlin takes us up close through the most critical week of London’s career: her epic battle to regain media supremacy.
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Who's the black private dick That's a sex machine to all the chicks? (Shaft) You're damn right Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother, man? (Shaft) Can ya dig it? Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about? (Shaft) Right on You see this cat Shaft is a bad mother (Shut your mouth) But I'm talkin' about Shaft (Then we can dig it) He's a complicated man but no one understands him but his woman (John Shaft) Also, We review The Rise Of Skywalker iTunes: http://tinyurl.com/Rcpod
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Since December is all about Star Wars now, and we've already watched the only holiday themed piece of Star Wars media, we decided to take a look at the second made-for-TV movie in the Star Wars universe... Ewoks: The Battle for Endor!
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Doctor Who is machine gunned to death by a Chinese street gang.
Spoilers for The Mandalorian 3:12 - 17:24
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For October we look at a horror classic...'s third sequel. A made for TV film chronicling the life of Norman Bates. It's... strange.
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Anytime we get to watch a Kaiju movie is a good time! This month we're looking at a classic of rubber suits, tiny tanks, and Japanese to English dubbing mishaps! King Kong vs. Godzilla!
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Check out Action, Action: https://www.actionactionpodcast.com/
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We're taking the podcast Down Under this month for a look at an Aussie schlock classic, Razorback!
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This month we dive head first into this Roger Corman Cult Classic, Forbidden World! It's like Alien, but bad.
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This month we watched Roland Emmerich's 1998 Godzilla film. Is it as bad as you remember?
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For the 40th Anniversary of Alien, we take a look at the Assembly Cut of Alien 3. A far superior version to the theatrical version of the film.
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For Buffy Summers (Kristy Swanson), nothing is the same after she meets Merrick Jamison-Smythe (Donald Sutherland). Merrick tells the teen that he's been sent to train her to fight vampires, and he proves himself by displaying his supernatural powers. Buffy is a quick study, and soon takes fellow student Oliver Pike (Luke Perry) under her wing, repeatedly saving him from fierce bloodsuckers. But, when a very dangerous vampire (Rutger Hauer) gets rambunctious, she must go to war again.
Plus, hear Aaron's pitch for a Doom Movie!
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We are joined by our good friend Steve the Bearded to talk about a 90s classic, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie! It's also our 2 year podcastiversary!
The TV heroes return for a sequel, chasing a vicious villainess named Divatox. Can they rescue the kindly wizard Lerigot from her clutches before he's thrown into the volcano?
Spoilers for Happy Death Day 2U (15:03 - 16:50)
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Have you ever wanted to experience The Lord of the Rings whilst tripping on acid? Well, now there's no need for LSD because we have Ralph Bakshi's 1978 animated adaptation of Tolkien's classic work!
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It's time for a Craptacular Christmas Classic! Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is easily one of our favourite Christmas traditions and one of the most craptacular films we've ever seen.
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We're starting down the rabbit hole of watching all of the Resident Evil films. Considered a cult classic by some, Resident Evil started a billion dollar film franchise spanning 6 movies over a decade and a half. We dive in head first into one of the strangest and most maligned film series in recent memory.
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Venom has graced cinemas with his presence this month and is killing it (at the box office, at least. Not so much with critics). But it isn't the first time he has appeared on the big screen. The character made a brief appearance at the end of Spider-Man 3 in 2007, played by Eric Foreman. Better buckle up. This one's gonna be rough.
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Here it is, our longest episode ever! This month we sat down with John and James from the Action, Action podcast to talk about the action-packed, somewhat stupid sequel to one of the greatest action movies ever: Predator 2! We discuss all the best and worst this film has to offer while coming up with some helpful rewrites and pitch completely different movies while we're at it.
Check out Action, Action here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/action-action/id1313466983?mt=2
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This month we're taking a look at the 2004 action thriller Ultraviolet. Starring Milla Jovovich as Violet, a "Hemophage" who steals a kid and runs away from the government/church in order to save all the other Hemophages (Vampires, but no really). The movie co-stars Horrible CGI and a man who can say lines from a script. This episode contains SPOILERS for Avengers: Infinity War. (Skip to 15:22 to avoid)
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It's time for us to take a trip Down Under for a rip roaring action-packed ripper of a film. When a number of near apocalyptic events occur all over the world, Australia is plunged into chaos. When a fella named Crabs takes his Sheila to a local drive in, they find themselves trapped inside with the rest of Australia's troublesome teenage population an no way out. This is the second film by Brian Trenchard-Smith that we have reviewed on the podcast. The first being BMX Bandits. *We'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to any Australians who were offended by our terrible accents and attempts to use Aussie slang. We meant it as a compliment.
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On the 25th anniversary of the original Jurassic Park, we sat down to watch one of it's less beloved sequels, Jurassic Park III. With another Jurassic World/Park sequel on the horizon we thought it would be a good idea to investigate the land of the Jurassic sequels. We also touch on the latest Star Wars film, Solo: A Star Wars Story and address the controversy involving Kelly Marie Tran being cyber bullied off social media and the negativity surrounding the Star Wars fan community at the moment.
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In preparation for Solo: A Star Wars Story, we're taking a look at an early Star Wars ripoff from Japan: 1978s "Message From Space." It stars Sonny Chiba and Vic Morrow and it's basically a Japanese sci-fi equivalent of a spaghetti western. Interesting to say the least.
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With the biggest event in the history of comic book movies upon us, we looked back to the days when Marvel couldn't even make a movie good enough to get a theatrical release. Captain America (1990) is a movie that went straight to VHS and Cable TV because it was so embarrassing and terrible. We also give our thoughts on the trailer for The Meg, A Quiet Place, and Ready Player One. iTunes: http://tinyurl.com/Rcpod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/retrocrappod GooglePlay:http://tinyurl.com/y9bfyz72 Twitter: https://twitter.com/retrocrappod Facebook: https://tinyurl.com/y8l9mf5j Email: retrocrappod@gmail.com retrocraptacular.libsyn.com
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There's a new Tomb Raider movie coming out soon starring that Swedish girl from The Danish Girl that's a reboot of the previous film series based on the game that's a reboot of the previous game series. We revisited this movie for the first time in a long time. It was a big movie for us in our youth along with it's sequel and it was fun to revisit. Listen to Aaron on: Action, Action Podcast iTunes: http://tinyurl.com/Rcpod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/retrocrappod GooglePlay:http://tinyurl.com/y9bfyz72 Twitter: https://twitter.com/retrocrappod Email: retrocrappod@gmail.com retrocraptacular.libsyn.com
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In honour of Black Panther hitting theatres we decided to watch one of the original black superhero films, Spawn! Based on the hugely successful comic book by Todd McFarlane, Spawn stars Michael Jai White, John Leguizamo, and Martin Sheen. It was hailed as "The Special Effects Movie Event of the Year" in 1997. Just how special were those effects? We're about to find out. iTunes: http://tinyurl.com/Rcpod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/retrocrappod GooglePlay:http://tinyurl.com/y9bfyz72 Twitter: https://twitter.com/retrocrappod Email: retrocrappod@gmail.com retrocraptacular.libsyn.com
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We're back with Season 2 of The Retro Craptacular! And to kick things off we watched the first Marvel movie ever: The Punisher (1989) starring Dolph Lundgren! It's weird to think this came out in the same year as Tim Burton's Batman. But it did. iTunes: http://tinyurl.com/Rcpod
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We watched the worst thing on planet earth. It's the thing that George Lucas (the man who brought you Jar Jar Binks, Howard the Duck, Emo Anakin, and Mutt Williams) is embarrassed of. It brought Art Carney and Bea Arthur into the Star Wars universe. The Star Wars Holiday Special is a special kind of evil. It crushes your soul and brings you down into a black abyss of despair. Enjoy!
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To celebrate the release of the best Thor movie ever, we watched the original Hulk/Thor team up movie: The Incredible Hulk Returns. The TV movie follow up to the beloved TV series starring Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno has Hulk team up with The Mighty Thor to help him rescue his woman and save the day from the bad scientists. It's an intriguing early attempt at a super hero team up film and how it didn't lead to a Thor show we'll never know.
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Jason X is a film about an indestructible mass murderer in space. Sounds awesome enough, right? Look, I don't want to spoil it for you, but this movie basically killed the franchise, so... Let the bodies hit floor!
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On this episode we examine the one and only Road House starring Patrick Swayze, and Patrick Swayze's Mullet! It's a rip-roaring action extravaganza full of face-punching, face-kicking, throat-ripping, repressed homosexual desires, and mullets! So many mullets!
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With all the Stephen King content coming out recently, like IT and The Dark Tower, we decided it would be a good idea to watch Children of the Corn. Boy were we wrong. We were so, so wrong.
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This month we take a look at one of Nicole Kidman's first ever film roles in BMX Bandits! This 1983 film directed by Aussie Schlock-meister Brian Trenchard-Smith is a pretty fun romp featuring much BMX and slightly less bandits. Sorry to all the Aussies we may offend with our terrible imitations of your accents; we love Australia and it's films so much.
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To make a good film, all you need is the three M's: Murder. Musical Numbers. Meat Loaf. Stage Fright has them all. Join us as we celebrate Canada's 150th birthday by watching one of the worst Canadian films ever made. Or maybe it's great, eh?
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On this episode of The Retro Craptacular we examine Jim Wynorski's 1986 classic, Chopping Mall. It's got all the makings of a cinematic classic: Action! Romance! Robots! Exploding Heads! Boobs! Exploding Paint! It's an all around good time.
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Get ready for Alien: Covenant by revisiting one of the greatest things to ever happen to movies. Or maybe it's terrible. All we know is it's got Aliens fighting Predators, and that's all we really wanted.
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This month we dive deep into the 1980 cult classic Flash Gordon! It's got an iconic theme song, ridiculous costumes, amazing over acting, amazing under acting, and Timothy Dalton! Also, Did we mention the theme song?
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In the first ever episode of The Retro Craptacular, Aaron & Matt take on one of the best bad movies the 90s has to offer: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Movie! Get ready for the release of the brand new Power Rangers movie by experiencing the film that started it all.
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