The Ashendon Anemometer: Recent Episodes
Richard Phillips
This episode contains an active animal, two dead rabbits and a surprising amount of pollution.
This episode contains a lot of space, a cat, a dog, 42 mice , a rabbit ,a couple of rats and a passing reference to a rabbi. Enjoy!
This episode contains an unfluffed cat, very little water and excessive alliteration. But its otherwise harmless.
This episode contains precises measurements, a barely moving cat and a definitive shandy.
This episode contains a rejuvenated cat, poleaxed plants and a definite "Heavens Above" moment.
In this episode we meet a legless birdfeeder, an unpromising summer and a diabetic cat.
Warning...This Episode contains Potholes, heavy watering, heavy cats, heavy pollution and coronal mass ejections.
This episode contains windy weather, a fat cat and a lot of alliteration and a nuclear submarine base...not necessarily in that order.
This edition contains village heroes, forever flocculence and a flat out cat, not forgetting some stuttering and a little alliteration.
This episode contains something of a record, a cat immobile, banter from the ever-present, invisible barracker and references to an incredibly old windbag.
Winds of change blowing through Downing St, almost too fast to catch up with. Hector unimpressed (such a prescient cat).
Among some stuttering, this episode contains fast flying kites and a cool cat -all in under 7mins30sec.
This episode contains details of Easter Bunnies, Kites & Cats. Also Keith, who was not so much a blast as a complete washout.
This episode contains an astronomical kite, a benevolent cat, intermittent gusting, references to inadequacy measurements in putins and modern day David & Goliaths
Contains references to broken records, one to megalomania and one to a puffed up cat. Enjoy.
This episode contains much scattered material... pieces of leftover turkey, a small tree and various retorts from our invisible barracker. Please watch your step.
A short version, yet full of Yule, bonhomie and cat. Regrettably another badly behaved storm and some alliterations still creeping in...
This Episode contains Cop-outs (26), some quality air, some particulates in particular and a devastating character called Gordon ripe for rubbing out! All in under 10 minutes.
This episode contains:- contemplative conditions, generous gusting, nautical rain, allotta alliteration ( so no change there) and a particularly pernicious Fifi. All in 11mins 30 secs
This months episode contains Burning Issues, Rabbit Records, Passing Attempts At A Suffolk Accent and Double The usual Amount of Wind- all in 10 minutes. ( consider yourself lucky!)
This episode contains, amongst substantial stuttering, pollution polemics ,roman references and Hector's hunting (alongside usual alliterations), a delightful discovery- the Dropsonde!. All in 14 minutes. Enjoy!!!
This episode contains a confusing amount of quantum physics. As as sensible contrast, it also the derivation of the word cyclone. Meantime, Hector remains both dead and alive. In this episode, its all relative...
This episode contains a record, several dead rabbits and an amazing aurora. ( it goes on a bit about that....) All in 10min & 30 secs
Much Wind, Little Rain, Tumblefluff, & Lieutenant John Chard Flys Off The Handle- As Do A Pair Of Doors. All in under 10 mins.
Vernal Equinox/Equilux Special Edition- Containing Gallons Of Galumphing, Records, Scuttling, Abnormal Aliterating Amounts (check that one out for yourself), Exceptional Equality, Hectorisation and Much Much More -all in under 10 mins !
This episode contains a shot in the arm, feline imobility, a Thames Water tonsure and an interesting typo -all in just a tad over 8 minutes.
Wild Winds, Water, Wales, Cats at Absolute Zero, and much, much more - but not neccesarily in that order. Or indeed any order. Welcome to the Ashendon Anemometer!
End of Year japes with the Grand conjunction (not a pub), Brexit, Satunalia, a static cat volcanic events and something to needle you.
This edition contains a very tall cat-cloud, communism, Carol Vorderman and , for good measure, James Bond.
Alliteration abounds again! Exciting equipment enters. Flo Nightingale puts in an appearance amid auspicious scientists and Sunlight readings are interrupted. All in just a tad over 8 minutes!
This Episode Contains brand new, all singing, all dancing, all solid state, state of the art updates. Somewhere in there is a cat under pressure. Disclaimer: Beware of the quadruple alliteration! This may leave you in something of state.
This Episode Contains: A content caving cat, a possible prognostication, the usual assorted alliteration (sorry) and a first attempt at an outdoor , safe socially-distanced shandy. All in 6mins and 30 secs.
This Episode Contains: A content caving cat, a possible prognostication, assorted alliteration ( absolutely awful, as accustomed) and a first attempt at an outdoor, socially safe-distanced shandy. All in 6 mins 30 secs.
This episode contains Village Perambulations, Cilla Black, Barmy Prognostications, Mushy Pleas (just), Scarecrows, Platinum Prototypes and Amazing Alliteration. All in 10 mins 33 sec.
in this episode incorrigible insects lampoon lockdown logistics & as always, alliteration abounds. All in just under 9 mins...Dive in (or not. Study the podcast first! )
Ice, an explorers certificate and a radio operator second class- acting as a receptionist during this mercifully short artic excursion. ( 6 min 45 sec). Should you wonder what's happened to Hector the cat, he's asleep in the background.
This episode contains a precious puff (no, not me), weak wetness ( not me either), an alliteration tsunami ( quite a challenge) and crystal clear skies in 11 minutes. (No that wasn't a weather forecast.) It is both fun and instructive, all at the same time. (Really.)
This episode contains a public school, a public school tradition, a flue epidemic , a couple of sub plots, an almost happy ending before some idiot drops a bombshell.
This original short story contains mild sci-fi references, an exploding vegetable and a venerable space man. ( 7m 40s)
This episode contains competitions, continental travel, something that's 'a bit of a bore' (but hopefully not) and as usual, some shandy and some cat in action, oops, inaction. (11 minutes)
This episode contains a lot of extending blustering ( no change there), bolted stables, cute aliens mashed up, Covid19 consequences and an Indian Astronaut.
This episode contains: Yet More Water, Fireworks, No Water, A Guantanamo Bay Reference, The Teashop, a Lion and a Meteor ( but no wardrobe).
This episode contains a lot of rubbish, mostly in the form of air pollution; it's a chestily spoken piece by a thankful survivor of the Asian Subcontinent, still suffering Post Traumatic Indian Distress Syndrome. Use of Smog masks advised.
This Episode contains a lot of water, loads of Alliteration ( nothing new there), a cat with 6 packs, obligated observatory observations, at least two stutters, a reference to India and a free professor.
This Episode Contains: A LOT OF WATER, it really is very wet; Two rodent disposal operatives; A Florentine Magnate; A Black Velvet Band ( reference only ); Olympic and Titanic Achievements. All in under 8 minutes. Bring your Wellies.
This episode contains Feline Flumping, Fremantle Features and a walk on the wild side with a Dalek- not necessarily in that order, or indeed any particular order. You have been warned!
This Episode Contains: A Stationary Marquee, A Mobile Cat With Reverse Fur, Geomagnetic Electrification and A Memorial Toast. (7 mins)
This episode contains references to: Lunar material, Rock, a Bright Star, Another Animal, Potential Priministerial Advice and more stuttering than usual over some big made-up words.
This Episode Contains:- Two unusual anniversaries, a lot of water, a lot of frogs and as usual, a lot of alliteration. (so no change there.) Finally, interviews take place to fill the vacancy in the Animal Aeolioinics Division.
This episode contains alliterations ( many and varied), Dalmatian winds ( both sorts), a large block of honeyed delight ( there is only one Baklava) and brief reference to the departed Rebus. ( there is only one Rebus). (9mins 15 sec)
This Episode contains, amongst several untimely pauses, references to Topiary, Dyson Airblades, A Lot About Aeolus and the Final Curtain Call on Rebus The Cat.
This episode contains explosive events, the ghost of Gerrard Hoffnung, a floppy feline and a bunch of perceptive pedallers but not necessarily in that order. (5mins 45 secs)
This Episode Contains Cars, Cats, Constables, Comfortable Cushions and Curtains, though not necessarily in that order. For good measure there's an old saying and a Greek myth. Rebus joins in too.
This Episode Contains Feline Interruptions (totally unscripted), Brexit References (light, non infectious), Road Sign Decimation (total, unrecoverable) and Helen Chadwick (God rest her soul). All in 8 mins 30 sec.
This Episode contains missing signs, seasonal references, high diving, & deep breathing from Rebus himself!
Hear Fiona Rehearsing "A CHRISTMAS BLESSING" for the AA's Xmas Concert, Initially unaccompanied....
NB. This recording is unedited and as it actually happened. It is private and not for rebroadcast or commercial purposes.
Richard, Fiona and Rebus wish you A Very Happy Christmas, 2018.
This Episode Contains an attempt at Break in Wind, Piles of Alliterations, Roof Top Fun, Ornithology and lots of things about which I'm Sorry, I haven't A Clue.
This episode contains extracts from the 60ty's BBC Radio Series 'ROUND THE HORNE', including Kenneth Williams- known to cause allergic reactions . (Look out for the in vader space.) This episode may also give you wind.
This episode contains 3 storms, peripatetic fence pannels, insect mouse, toilet rolls, a new iphone , strangely silent optical fibre and an international relocation request. Also the admission of a minute mistake (-to a certain degree). And all of this in just under 8 degrees! Oops, sorry, I really meant minutes.
This Episode Contains: Transgendermoggification, Something Also Unpronouncable from Mexico and Evian Enriched Cows . (5mins 28sec)
This episode contains a lot of dust, a plastic seagul, a pair of vampires, a touch of garlic, and naturally includes the inevitable ham toastie & shandy...all in 5 mins 30 sec.
This episode contains the lowest of low pressure, much hot air, some of Switzerland, large expanses of sea, Modern & Deco Art and two types of cat. All in just about 7 mins.
This Icelandic episode is Rebus free but contains :- Plate Tectonics, Spending A Penny (not!) , Two Words In Icelandic, Rain, Hail, Sun & Very High Winds. OPEN WITH CAUTION ( 9 minutes )
This Episode Contains a Rare Appearance of THE REBUS. Also Something Of a Q. And a promise of things to come... All in 4 mins 40 sec
This month's episode contains noxious oxides, weak winds, wet weather, weak wit ( no change there either), an amount of aliteration ( change absolutely absent there ;-) and an uncalibrated, elongated cat.
This Episode Contains: Clawing Wind, Japanese Poetry, An Escapee, An Immobile Cat and A Warm Pub. All in less than 6 mins!
This Episode Contains a Lazy Susan, Tits, a Cursing Cat, A Cheese & Ham Sandwich, Not Much to Write Home About and Alarming Attempts At Alliteration (not neccessarily in that order) . It should contain a nut warning but you know about me already.
This Episode Contains A Chainsaw Massacre of Miscreants, A Cat, A Car, A Carer and a Bloody Mary. There's The Usual Alliterations but Unusually Few Puns. Oh, and The Woodpecker. Good Luck....
This Episode Contains: Ear Deep Snow ( as measured by a cat), Much Misdirection (well signposted), Alot of Aliteration ( nothing new here ) and Someone Spouting (nothing new there either) - Oh! - and some Chili wind... 6mins 53 sec
This episode contains a cat, katabatics, cricket, much codswallop but very little wind. Rats get something of a run in...
This Episode Contains Visions of the Apocalypse, Bombs from Above, a Miffed Cat, Turbulent Cat and General Atmoshperic Disturbances (but not neccessarily in that order).
This 5 minute episode contains- Aileen, Rebus, Bidwell Farm and the Imihau. You'll need to listen to find out what they are all doing here.
This Episode contains: a Chainsaw Massacre, a Wartime Experience, a Welcome Wind, a Rodent's Revenge, a lot of alliteration (nothing unusual there), Stuttering & shandy ( nothing unusual there, either).
A short tale ( that'll be Rebus then...) , weak on wind but alliteration abounds. (5 minutes)
This month's midsummers day episode comes complete with three obviously repeated words and several unrehearsed stomach rumblings. 6mins 51sec.
Contains Much Ado About Aliteration, Hurricanes Happen, Rebus Repines, Richard Trips Up Over His Script (again!) 7mins 4secs.
This episode boasts record lows for both winds and procurement committees but definite highs for a cat and a shandy drinker.
In this months edition:- We Say "Hello" To A New Record, Goodbye To The Ash Tree, Welcome A Displaced Chef And Discuss Lamb At The End Of March. (7mins 50 secs)
This months episode contains some Very Neat Hedges, a Shakey Satelite and occasional Rabbit Rumblings. (8.14 mins)
Wind related observations containing a celestial bunny, a slightly damaged cat and some delicious devilled kidneys; all telescoped into 9mins 12sec
7 minutes of Official observations for Dec.2016, Inlcuding:- The Demise of Rebus's Brother, The New Garden's Improvements and Quantities of Christmas Libations...
The Ashendon Anemometer Christmas Special with (uninvited)guest appearence of The Rebus. 5min 20sec
Both record gusts & doldrums are considered alongside a very stretched out cat. Richard reveals what's behind that phrase 'Bear with me...' (6min 57.sec.)
This is a 6min 23sec broadcast containing a mysterious Tree-Felling, a Zeppelin and some Swabian Cheesecake.
A 6 min broadcast reviewing a few of the past years noted gusts, some recent recalibrating & a few embarrassing puns.
The A.A. broadcast for October '16, contains cat references (mild), wind references ( moderate, force 4) & gentle humour (somewhere)...
An early A.A. broadcast, just 5 minutes long describing Storms Imogen & Gertrude. Also appearing is the Famous Flying Rabbit! Contain cat references (mild), humour (possibly) and a few words of German ( badly pronounced).
A short tale of how the wind affects Ashendon and a certain cat. Also introducing the use of a 'cat-cam'.
A brief 7 minute tale of how country folk and a cat are affected by the wind- and the arrival of a new rain gauge...
A Brief Description of Ashendon's whereabouts, The Bernwode News & introducing Rebus.
3mins 34 secs.