The She League Podcast: Recent Episodes
The She League
The She League Podcast is a show for feminists who pursue their creative interests, and find community in celebrating the work of others. Hosted by Megan Kuhar and Hilary Bovay, the podcast is a conversation between friends, with appearances by female guests who share their insights and expertise. We talk about anything from fashion, to women we admire, to the artistic integrity of boybands--and honestly, so much more. We share our struggles and philosophies, we laugh together, and OK, we might cry a little bit, but above all we revel in the community of women that we’re so lucky to have surrounding us. Come hang out with us! We’re all cheering you on.
Megan and Hilary speak with Victoria Smith, founder of Stress Less Ladies Ltd. We discuss engaging the logical part of the brain during stressful situations, creating environmental anchors, figuring out your stress signs, and what to do if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Tune in to hear about slowing down to go fast, why it’s important to make a list of NOT-to-dos, and much more.
Show notes are available here: http://www.thesheleague.com/home/2019/7/29/dealing-with-everyday-stress
It's our last episode... of Season 1! We're throwing it back with a look at our fave moments of the past dozen eps, and looking forward to Season 2 and some of the exciting changes it will bring. We'd love to hear your favorite moments, She Leaguers! Hit us up on Instagram @thesheleague.
Show notes are available here: http://www.thesheleague.com/home/2019/6/3/the-best-of-season-one
Have you ever wondered what it might be like to dive headfirst into a vegan lifestyle? That’s exactly what our guest this week, Emma Neely, did and she hasn’t looked back since. In fact, she’s only looked forward: soon after embracing veganism, she launched her fabulous business, Rooted Ice Cream, where she creates incredibly unique vegan ice cream flavors. On this episode, Emma shares with us the ways in which being vegan can be both rewarding and difficult, the environmental repercussions of different diets, and why she decided to become vegan in the first place. Tune in and listen to some food for thought (pun very much intended).
Show notes are available here: http://www.thesheleague.com/home/2019/5/20/pros-cons-veganism
It's our 10th episode of The She League Podcast! To celebrate, we're going back to 1999 with a follow-up to our boyband extravaganza from Episode 3, and putting another two classic pop albums head-to-head. This time, it’s Britney Spears’ “Baby One More Time” versus Christina Aguilera’s self-titled debut. Are these really two comparable albums? Is "What A Girl Wants" the best throwback song, or is it "...Baby One More Time"? Do you think we'll be able to inject a little bit of feminist discussion along the way? And will someone please explain "Soda Pop"?! You won't want to miss the wave of nostalgia you'll feel when you listen to this episode!
Show notes are available here: http://www.thesheleague.com/home/2019/5/6/britney-spears-vs-christina-aguilera
What are your eating habits like? Are you keeping a food journal? Do you have tried-and-true home cooking recipes you refer to, time after time? Or do you prefer to lean on takeout (no shame!)? This week on the podcast, Hilary, Megan, and Trish share some of their favorite meals, how they deal with dietary restrictions, and their reliable go-to snacks (ahem, SNAX). We discuss ideas to up your meal/snack game, inspiration to try out new recipes, and ways to reduce food waste in the process.
Show notes are available here: thesheleague.com/home/2019/4/22/developing-healthy-eating-habits-and-smart-snacking
Show notes are available here: http://www.thesheleague.com/home/2019/4/8/how-to-stay-grounded-and-practice-mindfulness
If you feel like you’re not finishing projects you’ve started, or you are having a difficult time starting them in the first place, then this podcast episode is for you. Learn how to get motivated, stay motivated, and feel awesome when you accomplish your to do list. Hilary and Megan talk about SMART Goals, the Four Tendencies quiz, and why writing a personal manifesto may be the key to learning how to say no. Listen to our episode through the player above, or find us on your favorite podcast platform!
You can email us at thesheleague@gmail.com or DM us on Instagram @thesheleague to share your ideas for the podcast, or to tell us what you think.
Thank you to Stephanie Trivison for providing our music!
Links: * Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness: What’s Really Going On With Recycling, Hunty? with Beth Porter * Myers-Briggs Personality test * The Four Tendencies Quiz
She Shoutout: S. Jordan Fine of Pattern Play Glass | Pattern Play Glass Instagram
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As I sit writing this, I’m wearing pretty much the same thing I’ve been wearing for the past 5ish months. The formula is:
(1) Comfortable but unflattering sweater, in a color I don’t particularly care for + (1) uncomfortable pair of pants (usually jeans) + socks I don’t like If I were going outside, I’d add:
(1) Stained, sad, long puffer coat that envelops my entire body + (1) my grungiest sneakers Seems like a formula for a self-esteem disaster, right? Yes, you guessed correctly.
A brief history of my style, as follows:
I used to be the person considered by my friends to be the “fashionable” one. I wore deliberately wacky outfits throughout high school – the more things clashed, the better. I religiously read Teen Vogue and watched Project Runway. Once college began, I still maintained my playful sense of style, albeit slightly more sophisticated. The middle years of college were punctuated by trying to fit in on campus. I oscillated between copying whatever my friends were wearing, and going the grungy-college-student route of sweatpants et al. Toward the tail end of my senior year, I started to feel more comfortable back in my old style: a-line miniskirts, turtlenecks, patterned dresses. In the few years post-college, I felt pretty good about my personal style. I continued to hone in. I probably read about fashion more than I ever have. Yet now, at 28, I’ve completely lost track.
It’s hard to pinpoint why this began, but my current state is not allowing myself to wear the pieces I know I look good in. I don’t give myself permission to wear my favorite clothes. There’s some kind of mental block.
In the morning, I don’t even spare a glance at the nice pants, the cool shirts. I instinctively grab the uncomfortable, unflattering pieces that I would Kondo right out of my life, if given the chance. The bizarre, almost ironic thing is that I actually have a great wardrobe. I am incredibly lucky to own a number of well-made, beautiful, slow fashion garments. They just never actually make it onto my person day after day.
I am constantly combing through style inspiration. I save several photos to my “Style” folder in Instagram every single day. I know exactly what I’d like to look like, how I’d like to come across through personal style. I know that my favorite clothing colors are shades of brown, white, dark blue, and black. I love wearing linen. I’ve come to love wide-leg pants. These ideas are part of a list in my iPhone Notes app called “Clothing Thoughts” – it contains all my guiding style tenets. But I don’t put it into practice.
“...Maybe I’m afraid to wear my best clothing for fear of ruining it? Am I holding it in too high of regard, making it too precious? Not giving it the chance to serve me?”
Wracking my brain for the past few weeks, I’ve been hoping to tease out the root of this problem. Does it stem from a lack of respect for myself? Do I not value myself enough to present myself positively to the world? What happened to the me that was before – the me that had fun putting an outfit together for the day, that proudly accepted a compliment when I donned a striking look? I think a current lack of self-confidence is impossible for me to ignore. But I’ve also thought: maybe I’m afraid to wear my best clothing for fear of ruining it? Am I holding it in too high of regard, making it too precious? Not giving it the chance to serve me?
The other day, in part of a conversation, I offered the following explanation for some small behavior of mine: “Oh, you know, it’s because I like to torture myself.” It was an offhand comment, but as I’ve gone about my days since, I find myself thinking about that phrase over and over. I do have a habit of torturing myself. I do this in many ways – agreeing to do things I don’t actually want to do, cramming too many activities into too short a time span, creating a schedule that I know will stress me out by the end of the day.
One of the many ways I torture myself recently, I’ve realized, is by deliberately wearing outfits that I’m fully aware don’t flatter me. It’s like I’m choosing clothing items that will specifically make me blend into the background. Yet, when I wear all of these clothing items together, I can’t help but feel like I’m sticking out like a sore thumb. Why? Because I’m hyper-aware of how bad I look. I’m not seeking compliments here – I know for a fact that these are bad outfits. I don’t look good in them, and I don’t feel good in them either.
It’s time for me to slowly, but surely, work on dressing like my best self, even when I’m not always feeling my best. I have to realign my mindset from self-criticizing to self-empowering. It’s tough. I’m not sure when, or how, I came to regard myself with such disrespect, but I desperately want to change it. My fiancé reminded me that I need to focus on the things I enjoy doing – both fulfilling and challenging – and do those every day. It’s a simple enough idea, right? So, I’m working on reminding myself to live joyfully. Putting outfits together that make me feel confident brings me joy – full stop. I’m worth putting the effort in to feel that daily joy.
I’m reminding myself, too, that it’s okay to spill and tear and stain and generally wear things out; that’s all part of life. Clothes shouldn’t sit unworn in a closet. They are meant to both protect and empower us. They can elevate us in our day-to-day activities, however exciting or mundane those activities are. As a freelance artist, I’m usually working from home. But just because I don’t often have to show up for anyone outside of my home space, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t show up for myself.
Have you ever gone through a period of low self-esteem that ended up translating into your day-to-day appearance? How did you overcome the self-doubt? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.
Have you ever found yourself in a style rut? Wishing you had a personal uniform? Or maybe you have a grasp of your personal style, but still feel like key pieces are missing from your closet? Local journalist and fashion blogger Arbela Capas sits down with Megan and Hilary to discuss thrifting techniques, shopping fasts, using Pinterest to plan your wardrobe, and the essential staples you need in your closet. Plus, Arbela forever changes the way we think about putting a look together when she shares her tried-and-true formulas for uniform and statement outfits. Listen to our episode through the player above, or find us on your favorite podcast platform!
You can email us at thesheleague@gmail.com or DM us on Instagram @thesheleague to share your ideas for the podcast, or to tell us what you think.
Thank you to Stephanie Trivison for providing our music!
Links: Jazzing Up Your Winter Wardrobe, from the Battle of Arbela
We Asked 5 More Women to Wear ‘That One Thing’ in Their Closet, from Man Repeller
5 Thrifting Tips I Live By & Some of My Favorite Finds, from The Battle of Arbela
Closet Confessions: The Forest Green Cord Pants that Broke Me, from The Battle of Arbela
What The Heck Is My Style?, from The Battle of Arbela
Megan’s Style Pinterest board
My Shopping Philosophy, (and Why It Sticks), from Man Repeller
Shopping Vintage Could Make Your Whole Dang Outfit, from Man Repeller
I Asked 8 Women to Show Me Their “Best Self” Outfit, from Man Repeller
Some style inspo from Arbela:
Photo credits (clockwise, beginning at top left): Shelly Duncan @ash_shelly, Evan Prunty @evanprunty , Evan Prunty, Evan Prunty, Kaitlyn Freiling @kaitlynfreiling, Evan Prunty. Header image by Nicole Bogdanovic @nicolebogdanovic.
Arbela’s tips: Thrifting: * before you begin, manifest/envision what you’d like to find and you will likely find it * look through specific racks/sections (e.g., blazers only, jeans only) * once you find a piece, imagine how you’d style it with several other things in your wardrobe
Uniform Outfit = comfortable jeans/pants + layering turtleneck + desired add-ons (e.g., light jacket, hat, neck scarf) Good for: casual work day, meeting at a cafe, mornings when you’re running late. Change pieces to fit seasonally. Should be the outfit you feel best in. It’s a fallback formula you can dress up or down.
Statement Outfit = use your Uniform formula, but dress around a theme and use layers Good for: telling a story with your clothes!
Staple pieces to have: * neutral turtleneck & colorful/patterned turtleneck * good pair of jeans (or several) * simple wool coat or peacoat * blazer * t-shirts – graphic or neutral * collared button-up shirt
She Shoutout: Christa Ebert, AKA Uno Lady: Uno Lady’s GoFundMe | Website
Christa generously donated an early sneak peek of her track “Wild Child” for this episode, from her upcoming album Osmosis. Be sure to check out her GoFundMe page to support her artist residency at the Chateau d'Orquevaux in France. (It’s a castle!!)
This podcast episode is sponsored by Free Period Press. Use promo code SHE to get 15% off your first order! To receive a FREE download of a mantra coloring page from the “You Got This” coloring book, subscribe to The She Leaguers newsletter.
If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes! Click here to open iTunes
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If you caught our podcast episode Dealing with Creative Self-Doubt, you know that the creative process has been on our minds—especially how tough it can be stay creative and positive at the same time. We all experience Imposter Syndrome, right? (Right.) So how do you deal with the intense pressure, get yourself out of that creative rut, and be your own shero? Stephanie Trivison, our resident podcast theme music writer and *NSYNC debut album apologist, decided to let us dive in to her right-brained world and take a peek into the process of songwriting for music licensing purposes. Below, she tells us a personal story of how she pushed her creative boundaries, what she considers to be the steps of the creative process, and how you can apply those steps to whatever your work may be.
Let’s take back our collective creative confidence, shall we? That thing we all lose while we’re on the journey to greatness. And it is a journey. No one, no matter how naturally talented, just pops out of the creative womb as a success story without also putting in the work. So let’s own that journey and truly revel in the stumbles along the way.
As much as we are all special unicorns who have something unique to offer, we ALL struggle with ideas, originality, execution, validation. The key is to simply keep moving in the direction of your finished product. Creatives who succeed don’t let self-doubt, comparison, or rejection paralyze them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t share in those experiences. To succeed, you have two choices: let it go or let it fuel you. Either way, you’re a TOTAL badass who deserves your place on the map, and we’ve got your back.
No two creatives will have the same style, organization, or speed, but generally speaking, we can break the process down into 5 steps.
- Inspiration
- Creation
- Revision
- Final Touches
- Go-to-Market Strategy
These steps can be applied no matter your medium, but to keep details specific, here’s how I took my song “Outlaw” from a basement demo to the official song of the National Pro Fastpitch league.
Inspiration Shortly after my indie-rock band’s self-imposed 2017 hiatus, I started exploring what I could do in the licensing world. I knew that for as long as I had been writing songs, I had an instinctive understanding melody. Blame it on The Beatles’ Red and Blue album cassettes I wore out as a child or that I grew up obsessively watching a VHS tape of my dad’s cover band playing at The Agora. Melody was in my bones, and I knew if I worked hard and smart, there could be a place for what I do in commercials and on television.
“To succeed, you have two choices:
Let it go or let it fuel you.”
All the hard work in the world is wasted if you’re steering your ship aimlessly. This is where the smart comes in. At the time, I was acutely aware of the ways in which my band had all fallen short of licensable music and I committed to filling those gaps. My awareness of those shortcomings paired with a meticulous study of what works for commercials, tv, and film, gave me both the map and the compass. And to keep this sailor theme afloat, I had a supportive first mate who sparked the idea.
My friend Lora, The She League Podcast’s very first She Shoutout, is an incredibly inventive business woman and a constant ray of optimism. She has a new business idea weekly and she has a great feel for untapped markets. (Get you a friend like Lora.) She is also a big women’s soccer fan who recognized that nearly all music cues for sporting events are male-driven. Male writers. Male vocalists. Where are the women?
Slowly raises hand
So I sat down to record, knowing that my aim was to create something epic that could serve this precise purpose.
Creation The writing process has changed for me with time. 10 years ago, I would have been more likely to sit down with an acoustic guitar and a notebook, repeating a portion of the song endlessly until I had memorized it perfectly. Now I record everything nearly as immediately as I think of it.
I sit down to my home studio desk. Opening Logic (my DAW preference), I focus in to what I hear first. Could be the beat, a melody, a chord progression. For “Outlaw,” it was the percussion.
Every epic song has a strong, battle-like beat. I knew it needed to have some swagger, so I gave it a little shuffle as well. Layering parts, one on top of another, until I heard exactly what I wanted, the song came together quickly.
Well… most of it.
Revision Second verse (final) If you continue to move like you are the ocean
I can’t promise to pull away from your motion
I can’t keep us from falling under
So drown me deep in the waves
To wash up on the shore
Surround me as long as it takes, I want more
Second verse (first draft) Everyone that I see wants to be someone
Grinding, fate doesn’t know where we all come from
It has no weight
When you’re not afraid
Rising, up from the ashes, burn like a fever
Do or die, ride of your life, I am your leader
“Outlaw” went through FOUR verse lyric revisions before landing on what it is today. Melody and rhythm, I’ve got. Words? I’ve not.
Self-reflection is hard. I was weeks into a project that I couldn’t seem to get right but I knew that somewhere out there was a nugget of awesome. Truth be told, I had to get honest with myself and I needed outside perspective. Songwriters can grow too accustomed to what we’ve written, leading to a dangerous but curable disease called ‘demoitis.’
External feedback can really help to push a project forward. Those first several revisions were just not good enough, plain and simple. My good friend, recording engineer and producer Jim Stewart and publishing partner Scott helped me dig deep for a better story and ultimately, I knew they were right. I couldn’t let my half-baked ideas be my end result. Hook on to your accountability partners. Get honest feedback and then sleep on it. Acting too quickly after a feedback sesh can bring out defensiveness and those pesky feelings of self-doubt. That’s just your ego talking. Separate from it and get perspective.
Final Touches As I mentioned, I do a lot of my recording at home, but I am not a professional engineer or producer. For that, I call in the big guns. My main partner for this type of work is the aforementioned Jim Stewart, a versatile, skilled musician-turned-producer who I had the great fortune of coming up with in our local scene, a decade ago.
Jim gave “Outlaw” power. We used all of my original demo tracks, except for vocals, and he layered in additional parts and a mix that give this song TEETH. The strength of the song inspired us to keep pushing to get the best finished product and after 4 sessions, the most unconventional gang vocals group ever created, and many e-mails, we felt we nailed it.
Vital to this process is the use of references. In the music world, that just means listening to songs you think are written, performed, mixed, and mastered well. And you can be specific. Maybe you want to groove like The 1975’s “Girls” or you’re into the smooth textures of Brandi Carlile’s “The Joke.” Reference the works you want to emulate and compare them to your own. Does what you created hold up? What final tweaks would get it closer?
Go-to-Market Strategy Whoa, Steph. You just got all business AF on me and I’m a creative so I should leave the business to someone else… right? Very wrong. Even if business is not your forte, it’s important to understand the ins and outs of a process, in this case licensing, to protect yourself and your work.
Experience is the best teacher, but I wanted a head start. I read many licensing and music business books (1/2/3), relevant articles and videos. In the end, this allowed me to keep up with industry professionals. Once I made connections, I would know the right questions to ask, how their terms would affect my song ownership, what they would need to do to properly collect royalties on my behalf, and how the songwriting splits would work with my producer. My goal was to look like this was not my first rodeo, and this should be your goal too.
“Start with a product you feel proud of. Something that is objectively good. Gather external feedback. Be strategic when looking for opportunities for your work and then tell a compelling story. Appeal to your common ground and always be authentic. And remember that although the creative struggle is real for all of us, all you need to do is step up to the plate and have the courage to swing.”
So you’re a smarty pants and you studied all of the knowledge in your field. Now you need to put your stuff out there. “Outlaw” was a strong enough song to get attention right away. I pitched it to about 15 licensing boutiques. When I signed my first deal, I already had another on the table. And although I had representation, the deal was non-exclusive, meaning I was still able to pitch the song elsewhere.
In high school, I played fastpitch softball. I loved the sport but my knees didn’t. That’s why I relished the chance to watch the Akron Racer’s professional fastpitch team every summer. Thinking about Lora’s original idea, women-led songs for women’s sports, I knew I had to at least try to get the team to use it. And in a very bold moment I thought “maybe the whole league would use it.”
I was transparent with the folks at the National Pro Fastpitch league. I found a few email addresses on their website and sent my song to those that seemed to make sense.
Two hours later, I had a ‘yes’ in my inbox. “Outlaw” was played throughout the 2018 season on ESPN, nationwide.
Thanks in part to our shared success with the song, and in part to my professionalism as a partner throughout the process, I am currently writing the official song of the 2019 season.
Start with a product you feel proud of. Something that is objectively good. Gather external feedback. Be strategic when looking for opportunities for your work and then tell a compelling story. Appeal to your common ground and always be authentic. And remember that although the creative struggle is real for all of us, all you need to do is step up to the plate and have the courage to swing.
What part of the creative process is the most frustrating for you? What part is the most natural? Share your story in the comments below.
This article contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and purchase an item, we receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.
It goes without saying: self-doubt is extremely common, especially when putting gut-wrenching work into a personal creative project like music or writing. So how do you overcome insecurity and Imposter Syndrome (or as we prefer, Imposter Experience)? And where does it all stem from (hint: probably the patriarchy)? Megan, Steph, and Trish open up about their personal experiences with insecurity, how they boost their own confidence, and what they think could help more women get through periods of self-doubt. Listen to our episode through the player above, or find us on your favorite podcast platform!
You can email us at thesheleague@gmail.com or DM us on Instagram @thesheleague to share your ideas for the podcast, or to tell us what you think.
Thank you to Stephanie Trivison for providing our music!
Videos: TED Ed: What is Imposter Syndrome and how can you combat it?
Roseanne Cash on Rhett Miller’s podcast, discussing Imposter Syndrome and creative confidence.
Links: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, by Angela Duckworth
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D
She Shoutout: Olivia of Ode Vintage | Ode Vintage Instagram
If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes! Click here to open iTunes All photographs © Hilary Bovay Photography. All Rights Reserved.
For usage of these photographs, please Contact Us.
Brianne Bryant is an amplifier. She exudes volume—not in an exaggerated way, but through her magnitude and presence. She’s the kind of person that when you’re in a room with her—in our case, sitting on the floor of her magazine-like living room with cathedral ceilings, with our feet by the fire—you just want to absorb her light. I admire how serious and philosophical she gets talking about her ideas of life and work and motherhood, and how animated she gets when she talks about her love of music and fashion (she studied fashion design!). She makes you feel like you have something special to offer, because she herself offers so much uniqueness to the world. Hilary and I left our interview feeling inspired and energized.
Bri is a vocalist for her own project, Lady Bri, as well as the band Welshly Arms, which is gaining traction internationally at festivals, on television (“I twerked on Jimmy Kimmel!”), and in commercial music. She sings and collaborates with her husband Jon Bryant, not only for Welshly Arms but also for their project together, JABtune. She’s the “Martha Stewart mommy” of two preteen boys. That’s where Bri and I have some things in common: we are both in musical projects with our husbands, we both are mothers, and coincidentally, we both contributed vocals for the same song our mutual friend Steph wrote, unfortunately never crossing paths in the studio. Coming from my perspective as a musician “on the side,” I wanted to hear more about Bri’s world: The world of being a musician for a living, licensing music, performing on stages across the world, touring… She shared it all with us while we gathered around her velvet green sofa.
—Megan
BRI: My mother is a singer. She studied music at the Baldwin Wallace Conservatory of Music, but she is from New Orleans, and that’s where this entire heritage starts. My father was from Cleveland.
My dad was a minister, who baked, and traveled the world doing mission work, whether it was Europe or whatnot, and he could sing so good. He sang to me all the time. We would write songs, and he would call me over the phone, and he’d try to whisper into the payphone in the airport: “I’ve got this song, don’t forget it, it’s on my heart.” I would have to remember it really quick, and I’d have to go write it down in my broken ability to write, and then when he would get back in town we would sing the song and we would harmonize with my brother. And my mom would just be over there marveling.
MEGAN: What sorts of artists or influences were there in your life when you were younger that helped shape who you are now as a musician? B: If we weren’t listening to gospel music, my father was pushing Mozart and pushing all the other classical agendas, because he played trombone and tuba.
Then there was the voice. Who can ever forget the day you heard Whitney Houston’s voice?
Playskool had this little tape player, it was red and the buttons were all different colors. I had one—it had a mic on the side of it. And the tape I remember getting was The Bodyguard. There were two songs on it, “I Will Always Love You” and “Jesus Loves Me”, and so I was allowed to have it because there was a Christian song on it. I would just be singing that song with this handheld karaoke.
Whitney did it. Whitney started it.
Not that I wanted to sing like her. It wasn’t that I wanted to look like her. I think what it was, was she attacked me in a way that I was okay with being attacked. Musically, it was a blanket. It made me think. I watched her, everything she did, and I was just like, “Oh wow, so that’s cool.”
M: For me, the first thing that did that was the Beach Boys’ “I Get Around”. And now harmonies are like my jam, still. It was those stacked harmonies—I feel like that just injected something into my personality. B: It definitely does, it’s like that thing that gets you in your subconscious and you can’t get away from it.
M: Totally. So, how did things change when Welshly Arms started to gain traction? I know you had other projects before, so did it feel weird to transition to that a lot? B: My faith in God—and I say that personally, not corporately—has allowed for smooth transition. With that being said, the smooth transition has been because of appropriate application of everything we’ve learned on the way. Moving to Cleveland—huge David and Goliath learning experience there. You know? It’s just like, here’s a big, giant, “How are we going to use this not to be a problem, but a challenge that we could overcome?” So that prepared us [Bri and her husband, Jon] for something that we had no idea that we were being prepared for.
Working with Jim Stewart was the icebreaker. That first interaction with Jim Stewart was with Lauren Lanzaretta, and that was awesome. That got us in the mode of dialing back, or honing into some aspects of ourselves that are needed by other musicians. And that was in harmonies, and laying the vocals in the studio, and you know, just creating a great rhythm there. And that presented the project of Naked Soul, that we helped vocally produce and reconstruct, and then present a live show.
From that, we’re like, “Okay, JABtune—let’s work.” We just went out on faith. “Here’s a chunk of money that we have, we’re gonna use it maturely, and invest it into ourselves.” And that’s how Uncovered came out. What a challenge. “I don’t love you no more!” type of challenge, while singing love songs! And then we get the product in the mail and we’re like, We did it!
That was awesome, and we were able to really stay afloat with the music culture of Cleveland, build relationships—that prepared us for Welshly.
All of it worked together. We got the call [from Welshly Arms] to do the same thing that we had done for ourselves and for Lauren, which was to come in and do some harmonies. They’re like, “Hey, I like this relationship. How about you sing when we have a show for the Double EP release at the House of Blues?” And we did that. We go to South By [Southwest] and the live performance is just infectious. There was an element that the four guys agreed they really wanted to add to their show.
I think it’s just now coming into my mind that this was the process.
Every time we go on the road, I feel like I’m learning so much. Whether it’s through camaraderie, being a woman, being an African-American—stuff that no march, no Black history can teach you. You’re like, wow, I’m a mother, and I am miles away from my children. And I’m hurting. Who do I share this with? Does anyone else know about this stuff? Maybe this is why Lindsay Lohan went crazy! All of those questions start to go through your head very, very naturally.
“Every time we go on the road, I feel like I’m learning so much. Whether it’s through camaraderie, being a woman, being an African-American—stuff that no march, no Black history can teach you. You’re like, ‘wow, I’m a mother, and I am miles away from my children. And I’m hurting. Who do I share this with? Does anyone else know about this stuff? Maybe this is why Lindsay Lohan went crazy!’ [...] Like, all of those questions start to go through your head very, very naturally. ”
The transition to Welshly was awesome, and is something that we pride ourselves in. It’s that being clear-minded, even in the foggy moments. A lot of the things we’ve done that have been most profitable to our family both in wisdom and in monetary earnings, have been through a leap of faith. Huge leap. No bungee. Just jump.
M: And it seems like you started to just kind of realize what you and Jon’s strengths were, and you really started working at those things. Like that collaboration element that you guys do so well. It’s just something I feel like you didn’t realize was building up to where you’re at now— B: Yeah it’s like, we just wanna be honest, good people… and I know that that’s become very cliche to say, I wanna be a good person. I think every day I break that down like, What can I do to be a better person today? When we go into the studio it’s the same thing. It’s like, how can I make sure that you know that I care about your insight, your vision for this project—and how can we execute that? And how do I assure you that it matters that this is what you intended for your project to sound like?
And then we reserve all of those creative controls for our catalog of either something that’s with JABtune, or something of Jon’s individually or myself individually. Which is now birthing, Lady Bri...
M: I saw that on Spotify! B: I know, it’s crazy, right? What does all that mean?
M: What does it mean? Are you trying to write with a specific purpose? You’re doing a lot of collaborating with other writers too, right? B: Yeah. I’m learning AF. I am learning as fuck right now.
I work with Position Music which is also the publishing company with Welshly Arms. They apparently saw something that I could offer in the commercial area. It’s birthed Lady Bri. Lady Bri gets to write. Lady Bri has some creative control—on a big platform. I don’t even know how to celebrate. I think the day that we found out that the album was streaming, we were in Oklahoma on tour, and I’m like, “It happened today.” And I looked at Jon and he’s like, “What are we gonna do?” And I was like, “I think I want some oysters.”
So we found this dope place for some oysters in Oklahoma and they were so good, and after then I made myself go buy a Polaroid camera. Something that wasn’t “social platformed.”
M: Are any of those songs currently being licensed? B: Yeah, they are. I’m a huge hip-hop fan, and T.I. has that show with his family… My aunt sends me this clip: it’s Tiny walking down the strip ‘bout to go meet up with her girlfriends, and it’s me singing in the back, Okay, who’s the boss? I’m like, “Oh my god, that’s me!”
So that was one. There’s been like—this is crazy, but in my heart of hearts I think that I can be a lingerie model, with sneakers on.
M: I like that you just have that vision in your mind. B: Right, like, I love Calvin Klein, so I always think he’s going to hire me to do something. Then I see my friend on Instagram tags me in this commercial for this underwear line, and it’s my song in the background and I’m like, I’m almost there!!
So those are small victories. We’re really aiming for iPhone and Google and that kind of thing.
I just got done recording the second project in January. They pair me up working with different people.
M: Like the company does it? B: Yeah, ‘cause this is still, like I said—I have some creative control. But I’m still just an asset to a bigger picture. And I’m okay with that because I didn’t know this area existed. Not only do I get to learn about it, I get to be a part of it, and I’m so hands-on that that’s the way that it actually starts to make sense for me. You learn how to execute what they want you to do. That’s a big thing.
M: Something we are talking about in our next podcast [Releasing Feb 25] is Creative Confidence. I just feel like Imposter Syndrome is such a thing, especially with women, and especially in creative fields. It’s like, I’m not doing anything new, and What do I even contribute? Do you ever feel those lows? How do you get through those when you’re in the creative process? B: I had a very, very crazy creative block for a while. That can be quite depressing, ‘cause you wanna know if you still got it. And a lot of that was attributed to how much time we spent with Welshly. I’m like, Do I know how to sing for me anymore? Are those riffs still there? Has my fan base been like, “She was a one-hit wonder?”
As it pertains to me, confidence… Oh my gosh. You’re asking a girl that, amongst a bunch of men. So definitely, confidence is not a 10. And there used to be this statement that people would go, “fake it till you make it.” That works until you break it. Until you cry in front of somebody. I haven’t lived like that. I’ve faithed it.
I could compare myself to a ton of different people that “do it better,” but then we risk not having that freshness. Every day is a new commitment to that.
M: I’ve never really bridged that Confidence and Faith thing like that, but you did that really well. It’s like, I have enough confidence to have the faith to do this. That’s a really good way of looking at it. B: Yeah. I’m not sure how it’s gonna come out…
M: But I have enough faith to try it. B: Yeah.
Hilary: I like what you said about faking it till you make it too, that it doesn’t really work all the way. It only is getting you part of the way, and it kind of falls apart at a certain point. B: ‘Cause when you’re exposed, now what?
M: I think that kind of breaks people, because like you said, it puts you in this position where you’re like, “I should’ve done it better, or I should’ve done it my way.” There’s so many ways that that could fall apart. B: It’s really hard to identify with a fake persona. Now you have to hold yourself accountable for what you introduced to the people. They’re thirsty for what you showed them, but then because that’s not true to you, you have nothing else. It’s expired. It’s just a book with an end.
But for us—we can be series, we can be movies, we can be episodes, when we are the author or the producer.
As a Christian, when I grew up, the perspective of self-identity was not really respected because we were more taught to identify with the morals, and the rules. Having children, I have realized that the number one job is to make sure that we have a person at the end of this conversation.
“It’s really hard to identify with a fake persona. Now you have to hold yourself accountable for what you introduced to the people. They’re thirsty for what you showed them, but then because that’s not true to you, you have nothing else. It’s expired. It’s just a book with an end. But for us—we can be series, we can be movies, we can be episodes, when we are the author or the producer. ”
Presenting a real aspect of yourself is a daily task. I mean, a daily task. And so now, when people ask me questions, I ask myself, How do you want to respond? Do you feel okay with this answer?
H: You want to make sure it’s actually representing you. M: When you’re in your early 20s, or in college, you really try so hard to be what you think other people want you to be. “I need to say the cool thing,” or “I need to be accepted,” and you forget to ask yourself that question. And it’s really hard to get to the point where you’re like, “Oh yeah, I should wonder how I feel about things.” B: You know what I think started that? It’s the structural system of schooling. Your whole high school, you’re auditioning for something: whether it’s a best friend, cheerleading club, yearbook committee. You’re always auditioning. Then, your senior year, you’re applying to another thing: Accept me, accept me, accept me. Then you realize, Oh, have I ever chosen myself in any of this? That’s where I am right now. It’s like, we can all have fame. We can all be super rich. But, do you care about being by yourself? Are you your best friend?
M: I wonder, as a mother, how you’re trying to teach that self-acceptance to your children. B: Everything I do now is like, lifestyle. When the kids come home from school, the first thing we do, you know we have like their snack, and it’s like a system. System is everything. When they wake up, they go to school, and they come home, it’s a system. And I love doing that, I’m very Martha Stewart mommy. I am. When they bring us these things, like their statements, like, “I don’t mean to be racist” or they show concern, like, “Is it bad to say…?” Those are like those icebreaking questions. That’s the exact route that we take to instill you being comfortable with [talking about] it, because we don’t just say, “You can’t because we don’t!” [Instead] it’s like, “Here’s why.”
Depending on whatever the conversation is, even if it’s like the exact question that you asked, like, “Mommy how can I be more confident?” or, “How can I be okay with not being accepted all the time?” It’s an opportunity to hear what birthed that question, like actually dig into it and take time, instead of always being like, “Well I got something to do so let’s make this the quick version.”
It’s just crazy how learning situations can be dual. I learn something from them.
M: I feel like you have so many awesome ideas, so many paths that you could pursue. You seem like a very goal-oriented person. B: I’ve put it all down, and now it’s just a matter of being diligent, and executing, and recommitting myself every day. Having the stamina.
One of the books that I’ve read that I really, really love is by Carl Lentz, Own the Moment. It’s really good to help dial into just, right now is the season of Motherhood. Or right now is the season of Creativity. And you know when it’s not the season for other ideas. It’s like, I am trying to make “fetch” work, and it’s not going to work. But when it’s the season for “fetch,” it’s dope.
Bri gave us a list of some of her favorite tracks she’s worked on. You can listen to them on Spotify below.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
All photographs © Hilary Bovay Photography. All Rights Reserved.
For usage of these photographs, please Contact Us.
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Want to know what it’s like on the set of Saturday Night Live? Do you love Angel, Every Boxer’s Girlfriend From Every Movie About Boxing Ever? Know all the lyrics to “Santa’s My Boyfriend”? Hap, that’s a wow!—this episode of The She League Podcast is for you. Trish DiFranco, who is a lifelong fan of SNL and was a brief intern on the show during season 30, shares her unique experiences from inside the Writer’s Room. We’re also joined by Stephanie Trivison again (remember her 3-page boyband Google Doc?), and the four of us sat down to discuss the gender politics and roles of the women on the show, and how things have – and haven’t – changed since it all began. We find out all about who gave the best hugs, what it was like to witness the highlight of Debbie Downer moments, and whose cigarette butt Trish is hiding in a secret box in her upstairs closet (but not in a creepy way). Listen to our episode through the player above, or find us on your favorite podcast platform!
You can email us at thesheleague@gmail.com or DM us on Instagram @thesheleague to share your ideas for the podcast, or to tell us what you think.
Thank you to Stephanie Trivison for providing our music!
Photo from Trish’s time as an SNL intern. She’s pictured at bottom left. (You may recognize a few other faces, too!)
Links: Creating Saturday Night Live: The Photo Department, with Mary Ellen Matthews
The stories behind those iconic ‘SNL’ photos (CNN article)
Live From New York book
Favorite Sketches: Debbie Downer: Disney World (with Lindsay Lohan) - Trish was there for the taping of this shoot and assisted on the photography sessions for the title cards
Totinos with Kristen Stewart
Back Home Ballers
(Do It On My) Twin Bed
Weekend Update: Angel (Every Boxer’s Girlfriend From Every Movie About Boxing Ever) - Heidi Gardner
Weekend Update: Dawn Lazarus - Vanessa Bayer
Close Encounter - Alien abduction sketch with Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong, and Ryan Gosling
She Shoutout: Jenna Fournier of Niights | Jenna’s Instagram
Correction: In the podcast, we mentioned that Tiffany Haddish was the first Black woman to host SNL—this is incorrect, although she was the first Black female comedian to host. Even though we were wrong about her being the first Black woman ever, she is only the 12th, so this is still a major weak point in the show’s growth and evolution. You can read more about the other 11 Black women to host here.
If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes! Click here to open iTunes Photo by Tobias Zils on Unsplash
I didn’t spend any unnecessary money in January… Kind of. Here’s what I learned. If you caught our Goals & Resolutions podcast episode, you might remember that I vowed to spend zero unnecessary dollars in the month of January. I had gotten into a few bad habits that I wasn’t too pleased with, namely that I a) ordered things from Amazon on a whim, not waiting to fill up a cart with multiple items so I could avoid too many shipments, and b) was just spending money all willy-nilly. Since my online purchases are tied to my credit card—not my bank card—sometimes it would surprise me how much I was spending when I went to pay the bill.
The rules weren’t super specific, but essentially, if I didn’t need something, I wasn’t allowed to buy it. This also included things for my 6-month-old, Clark.
Here are some things that I, at some point during January, really, really wanted:
- New speakers for my record player that sit on shelves rather than stand on the floor ($400)
- White sneakers ($60-120)
- This coat from Everlane ($250)
- These shoes from Everlane ($75 sale price)
- These pants from Everlane ($68)
- This blazer from Everlane ($160)
- Kind of everything from Everlane (they really get you with those Facebook ads…)
- Canvas fabric and other supplies to make a cover for the doggy gate in my living room
- Natural makeup and skincare products*
- Prose custom shampoo and conditioner (I actually ordered this on January 31, then emailed them to cancel 🤦♀️because WHY DID I DO THAT?) ($50)
- These pants from Madewell. I ended up getting them because a) they were on sale and I wear a common size that I was afraid would run out (it didn’t. eyeroll.), and b) I had returned a gift that didn’t fit me that I got for Christmas from my husband so I figured if I got these as a replacement it counted as a Christmas gift… right? right??
- A rug pad for my bedroom rug ($40)
- This wall lamp ($150)
- A camera tripod with extension arm so I can start taking flat lay photos ($120)
- Colored paper rolls, also for flat lay photos ($21-50)
- Tons of things for Clark, I’m not even gonna go there ($$$$)
Looking back, there were a few things on this list that I nearly gave in and purchased, but it was really good I didn’t because they became irrelevant after a few days of waiting. Examples of that include the new speakers and the wall lamp (both very pricey things). I was trying to figure out how to decorate our living room, which was set up in a way that created a bunch of blank space. We were using a projector for our TV which projected directly onto a blank white wall, so that wall felt really empty, and on the other side of the room the piano sat by itself without much around it. Below is a post about it from my Instagram.
Designy folks: I need help with this section of my living room. Our room is quite long, so our sitting furniture all fits on one half of it. The credenza is set up underneath what becomes the projector screen when we're watching TV (last photo). As you can see, this creates quite a large amount of empty-looking space. I don't want to fill it for the sake of filling it-but I know it could be more useable. Clark will have a separate play area in another room once he's big enough for independent play, so I don't want to devote this space to that purpose. Right now, I'm debating on moving the piano to the other wall and tucking the crate in the corner. That will at least take up that long wall maybe? But I definitely want to do something pretty, haha. We could use more lighting. Maybe a moveable wall-mounted light? Large floor lamp? Should we get matching chairs and move these other ones elsewhere? Help me be cool!!! (Swipe for all sorts of angles!) By the way, that blanket over the gate is just temporary, I am planning on sewing a cover for it so the doggy can't stare out the window 👀.
I thought, if I could put speakers on the shelves instead of on the floor, that might make it feel neater in that section of the room, and if I got the wall lamp that would fill up a bit of the empty corner by the piano and also provide more light which would help the no-overhead-lighting situation. I really thought I needed these things. But then, on a day that my husband and I both had off work, we decided to remove the projector and swap in our bedroom TV instead, subsequently rearranging the entire living room and making it feel much more filled out with the exact same items in the room (except adding the TV, which we already had). We moved the standing speakers across the room, and now, instead of $400 bookshelf speakers, all I need is 50 feet of speaker wire for $8. I spent $8 instead of $550!
The main category of items I wanted to buy but waited on was clothing. I am working diligently on updating my wardrobe, and I’m trying to be very intentional about it. Instead of buying things (except the Madewell pants, I know, I know), I put them in a Pinterest board and started compiling ideas.
A lot of the items I wanted were on sale, which made me panic that if I waited they would either be full price again or run out of my size. Apparel sites really do a good job of instilling panic in you: Sale price, 13 left in stock, hurry hurry hurry! Those shoes from Everlane, for instance. It has said 13 left in stock since the beginning of January. I thought that surely 13 people will snatch them up by February 1st… but nope. They are still there. And guess what? I went to Nordstrom Rack on February 2 to look for similar shoes, and found a pair that are even better for only $40. BOOYAH.
If I’m being 100% honest, I did go out on January 31 after spending days indoors (#polarvortex) and bought myself new makeup and a new water bottle to replace my stinky old one (friends, I found a dishwasher-friendly one, why did I not think of that before?!). That was a much-needed moment, and it was easier to do on the 31st instead of the 1st because my husband was home to watch the baby. Mama’s gotta treat herself, people. Solo shopping trips are my jam.
The other way I cheated was when I went to Goodwill to donate a few bags of clothing, and ended up buying the most adorable vintage sweater for Clark ($1.50) and a pair of Italian wool pants for myself ($6). But seeing as I donated dozens of items first, and only spent $7.50, I think that’s well within in the spirit of the goal this month.
After this month of changing my spending habits, I learned a few lessons that I am going to apply to the rest of the year.
Add items to your Amazon cart, and wait as long as possible to buy them. Chances are they will leave your cart and you will change your mind, OR you will combine a lot more into single shipments and avoid those piles of boxes in the house. Better for your bank, better for the environment.
Pinning things to a Pinterest board almost has the same endorphin-boosting effect as adding them to your cart. But $aves u cheddar.
My husband was looking over our budget for the month (we have a 50/30/20 rule set up) and he informed me that I saved $460 in January! Not only did I save money, but I think this exercise really helped me to realize how flippant I was getting with hitting that “Add to Cart” button. I feel more cautious about spending now, both from a financial standpoint but also with an awareness of my consumerism compulsion. Overall, I think that means this experiment was a success.
Do you have tricks to help you with spontaneous buying? Share them in the comments below!
Ohmygod, we’re back again. Which team are you: *NSYNC or Backstreet Boys? This week, we’re joined by Stephanie Trivison to put the boy bands’ debut albums head to head. We analyze the highs and lows of these breakout albums, whether or not the jams still hold up, and what’s going on with the “wand of static.” Stay tuned till the end for some deep-cut drama about “Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)” courtesy of Steph. You don’t wanna miss this one. Listen to our episode through the player above, or find us on your favorite podcast platform!
You can email us at thesheleague@gmail.com or DM us on Instagram @thesheleague to share your ideas for the podcast, or to tell us what you think.
Thank you to Stephanie Trivison for providing our music!
Links: Steph’s “Rock Box” Commercial - Article
She Shoutout: Marissa of The Not Your Mother’s Tongue Show | Our “Cool Woman” post about Marissa
Whenever I’m in a cooking rut, I look at restaurant menus. Almost every restaurant with a website has them, and in crisp PDF format. I download, survey the font choices, the colors. Then I dive into the selections.
Sometimes I pick restaurants that I’ve enjoyed already. Like at Penelope in NYC, where my partner and I had such a delicious brunch that we decided to go back again the next day. My choice on both visits was the Penny Egg Sandwich:
Scrambled eggs with american cheese & pesto on a croissant or english muffin.
add ham, sausage, bacon, or soysage.
We'll be your safe harbor from those pesky puffy clouds outside. Come in for some of the good stuff. #brunch Penelope loves you 🍳 #yum #love #seeyousoon #sunday #sundaybrunch
From Penelope’s Instagram
Add fruit on the side, plus English Breakfast tea with milk. This is pretty much my ideal breakfast. Easy to recreate at home, especially if you’ve already got pesto on-hand. And easy recipes are my favorite.
Another breakfast menu I think about often: Megs’ Aussie Milk Bar, in my hometown, Newport, RI. (Again, breakfast so good we had it twice.) The menu is a total treat to peruse, with all sorts of words that make you feel cozy: yoghurt, toasty, brekkie. Yes! I love all of these things. When we ate there, the owner (who was also the only waiter) urged every table to order smoothies because it was a hot day. And he wasn’t leading us astray – is there a better time during which to enjoy a cool, refreshing smoothie than on a hot summer day?
Tropical Daintree
Mango, pineapple, peach, passion fruit, strawberry, coconut & banana.
When I’m craving a burst of cold fruit, this is poised to be my go-to. Scanning through the menu, I also remember the Megs’ Muesli. Can’t go wrong with local yoghurt, seeds and fruit. Making a mental note to throw that together when I need an easy but healthy brekkie.
Sometimes I download menus from places I’ve never been, but would certainly like to eat at, if I had the opportunity. Like Honey Hi, in LA. Pretty much every single dish is drool-worthy. I dare you to resist:
that grain bowl
organic black rice, kale, roasted delicata squash, rainbow cauliflower, turmeric pickled onions, nettle tahini pesto, cashew buckwheat dukkah — vg
+ egg
+ faroe islands salmon
me thinks today is the perfect day for a faroe islands Crispy Skin Salmon !!!!!!
From Honey Hi’s Instagram
Yes, please. Reading this one reminds me that I love making grain bowls at home – so simple to throw together! And again, pesto is such a great staple. Although I’d make it simpler with whatever green I had on-hand (which has yet to ever be nettles – sorry nettles, no shade). Omit the pickled onions – not my thing. Definitely add egg. And hey, I already have half a bag of black rice from an old recipe, just waiting to be used up!
I’m also enamored with the menu at Jack’s Wife Freda, in NYC. Not sure why we didn’t go during our last trip.
Poached Eggs with Grilled Tomato and Haloumi
2 poached eggs, grilled tomato and haloumi, served with sourdough toast
I love halloumi (whether it has one L or two)! Why don’t I use halloumi more often? Also, poached eggs are so great – I always go lazy and fry ‘em, when really, I should get on the poaching train. And grilled tomatoes are truly one of the best foods in life. A delicacy, in my opinion. The grilled tomato is my favorite part of the traditional English fry-up.
One of my goals for 2019 is to create some of my own recipes – and there’s probably no better place to start than by studying other recipes. I love gleaning flavor ideas and ingredient combinations from other dishes, and then adjusting them to my liking. Putting only things you absolutely love together in a meal. Cooking purely for one’s own pleasure, am I right?
Do restaurant dishes ever inspire homemade meals? Would love to hear about your go-to dishes in the comments.
This article contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and purchase an item, we receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.
In Episode 2, we’re talking all about our goals for 2019. Getting buff is only the tip of the iceberg here. We discuss home cooking, no-spend January, and our plea to Michelle Obama to please guest on the show. Listen to our episode through the player above.
(Coming soon to all podcasting platforms!)
You can email us at thesheleague@gmail.com or DM us on Instagram @thesheleague to share your ideas for the podcast, or to tell us what you think.
Thank you to Stephanie Trivison for providing our music!
Links: Megan’s Dymo Label Maker | Cool Woman: Amber Esner | Bolt & Spool Fabric Shop
Share your goals for the year with us! Use #thesheleaguers on Instagram.
She Shoutout: Leia @ Flower Power Skin Studio
Welcome one and all to the very first episode of The She League Podcast, hosted by Megan and Hilary! We’re so excited to bring you this bi-weekly conversation about what’s on our minds. In this episode we’re discussing who we are and what The She League is all about. We also have the very first installments of our regular segments: Small Solutions and She Shoutout! Listen to our episode through the player above.
(Coming soon to all podcasting platforms!)
You can email us at thesheleague@gmail.com or DM us on Instagram @thesheleague to share your ideas for the podcast, or to tell us what you think.
Thank you to Stephanie Trivison for providing our music!
Links: The She League | Nerd Novice podcast | Screen Looking podcast | Marissa Mele’s radio show: Not Your Mother’s Tongue
She Shoutout: Free Period Press
This article contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and purchase an item, we receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.
Why I like to DIY
I’ve always been a trier. The prospect of failing does not deter me; in fact, I usually fail in some aspect when I try new things. That’s just part of the process and I consider it a learning opportunity. It’s important to me to have a corner of my life devoted to trying, especially by making things: intangible things like music or videos or recordings, but also tangible, useful items that I create by sewing, crocheting, or building.
I’ve made hats, scarves, blankets, curtains, wooden frames, decorations, embroideries, weavings, macramé, a preamplifier, audio cables, a mobile app (for a class project, but still), websites, a business, music, podcasts, videos, recordings, and even plants (through propagation, of course!). Interior design also counts as DIY, I think. That’s probably why I like it so much.
I’m such an amateur at sewing, but I like to do it anyway. It gives me a sense of completion, even if the final product is wonky and uneven. When I am making something, like the pair of linen pants I sewed this past month, I feel like what I imagine a scientist must feel like when she is conducting an experiment. Meticulous, step-by-step movements. Occasional ‘what the hell is going on?’ moments when the results aren’t what you expected. Plenty of mistakes. Plenty of redirections. And an end result that tells me something about myself.
I tend to go at things at full force—like, kind of not-thinking-straight full force—and that’s not always good. With these pants I made, I really tried to be deliberate and careful. I wanted them to be perfect, but of course they didn’t turn out that way. I had to modify things to fix errors in judgement. At one point, I was up past midnight (a crazy notion for a new mom whose baby wakes up every night multiple times, and is ready to go for the day at 7:00) ripping out seams I didn’t end up having to rip out, worrying about fabric tearing apart and becoming unusable after I already spent hours and hours of my time on the project.
“When I am making something [...] I feel like what I imagine a scientist must feel like when she is conducting an experiment. Meticulous, step-by-step movements. Occasional ‘what the hell is going on?’ moments when the results aren’t what you expected. Plenty of mistakes. Plenty of redirections. And an end result that tells me something about myself.”
But that’s what is so neat about it all: I had to modify aspects of the pattern. I made something up. When I wore them for the first time today, and someone casually said, “I love your pants,” I felt a sense of pride. I mean, it feels huge when someone says that about a thing you spent hours and hours creating—I don’t care what it is. Even pants.
In 2019, I hope to make more things. Making clothes is very appealing to me right now, so I’m going to start with that. My goal is to make one item of clothing per month (I just finished this shirt), until I get sick of it. I also have two woodworking projects at home I’d like to complete: a platform for my sunken planter, and a super modern railing for the balcony above the front entrance of my house.
“Big ticket” items I’d like to make some day? A record, and a book. Maybe an empire? We’ll see.
What do you like to make? Leave a comment below, or “like” this post to show your support. All photographs by Megan Kuhar. All Rights Reserved.
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Daily moments captured by a new mother.
STEMS: Nov. 4 I received these flowers as a token of appreciation from my husband a few evenings ago. He purchased two types of flowers that I could arrange into bouquets myself, and I enjoyed spending the time after my baby went to sleep to trim their stems and carefully split them into vases as artfully as I could. The thought has crossed my mind to become a floral arranger one day; the thought has crossed my mind to become many things: gardener, counselor, teacher of children, designer. But I am already those things, or will be to come. I am a mother.
“...the thought has crossed my mind to become many things: gardener, counselor, teacher of children, designer. But I am already those things, or will be to come. I am a mother.”
It still feels odd to say that out loud, or write it, I am a mother. But I feel it to be true when I rock my baby to sleep. I feel like a mother when I am the Answer of Questions, when my own mother asks me what to do with such-and-such worry about my son. He woke up screaming, she says, and I know just how to handle it. Rock him. Hold him upright. He has reflux, his throat burns and he needs soothing. Did you give him his medicine? I remember how that felt when I was pregnant, so I feel especially empathetic to him. We are connected.
I have struggled to find my honest voice in the clamor of mothers’ voices, but every day I can whisper louder, and stronger. One day I will not whisper but shout, I am a mother.
I am a Mother. TOYS: Nov. 5 You can practically watch my son’s brain develop every day. Lately, it’s been when he reaches for toys. If you hold a toy over him while he lays on his back, on the bed or a blanket on the floor, both of his hands slowly glide towards it in one smooth, symmetrical motion. His arms look like orbiting satellites, and not like the jerky, flailing movements they used to exhibit. He is so proud when his hands reach their destination, and he will immediately place the toy in his mouth, and give me a satisfactory eyebrow wiggle.
He doesn’t mind tummy time anymore. He used to strain and grunt and plead to be fixed if I set him down on his tummy. Now he holds his head up high, taking in the world around him. This gives me, as his mama, an extraordinary amount of pride and a tinge of sadness. Soon he’ll be crawling. My little boy.
“I don’t know what I expected, but I’m full of joy and fulfillment, and every tired morning when he smiles at me it swells up inside.”
I don’t think I expected to feel this way as a mother. I don’t know what I expected, but I’m full of joy and fulfillment, and every tired morning when he smiles at me it swells up inside.
Have something to add? Leave a comment below, or “like” this post to show your support. Featured photograph by Hilary Bovay. Content photographs by Megan Kuhar. All Rights Reserved.
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Personal reflections, in the wake of Nikki Delamotte’s tragic passing.
I’m watching little Clark Henry play with some blocks on strings. He knocks them off their platform gleefully, but once they have all fallen, he shouts and yells for help—his favorite toys are gone, and he needs me to help him get them back. I oblige, of course, and happily. I can solve his little dilemmas for him now. When he rolls onto his tummy in his sleep, I can help turn him back around again when he wakes up. I lift him from place to place. That’s what I ought to do, since I am his caretaker.
This past weekend, the city of Cleveland lost one of its caretakers; she was a contributor of words and a giver of support. Anyone who was ‘doing their thing,’ anyone making their place in the world, had a chance to have the spotlight shine on them through Nikki’s writing. Nikki Delamotte was a treasure, and her life was taken from her. I’m grieving her loss as an admirer, someone who respected her and her work, who had the chance to have the spotlight because of her. Nikki supported me.
What we all ought to do is take a lesson from Nikki’s incredible character. She was a caretaker of our stories, not for her own personal gain, but because she loved to take care of us. We all ought to do our best to be more like Nikki, and lift each other up.
— Megan
I never thought we’d have to imagine a Cleveland without Nikki Delamotte in it. It still feels incomprehensible to think that she isn’t here, and that we won’t see her smiling face, popping in and out of nearly every arts event, every concert, every holiday craft market around town. An article I read yesterday pointed out that Nikki would RSVP to every local Facebook event she was ever invited to. I always noticed this – whenever I’d mark “Interested,” and take a look at the details, I saw that she was already way ahead of the game. There was her name, already top of the “Interested” list. She was the ultimate champion for our local arts and culture scene. What are we going to do without her?
I only interacted with Nikki a handful of times, but she was always so kind. She was eager to elaborate on how great a local musician was, or how excellent a zine show turned out. She was the opposite of a Debbie Downer. I’d come across her articles all the time – sometimes reading them fully, sometimes only skimming them – but I neglected to let her know how much I appreciated her writing, her attention to detail.
Last week, reading her piece on the reopening of the taqueria at La Plaza Supermarket, I was so glad she was spreading the word about this underrated gem in Cleveland. But I never actually typed those words in a message to her. I’m sure I’m not the only Clevelander who is feeling the crushing weight of 20/20 hindsight, and wishing I had let her know just how much her work resonated. In light of Nikki’s passing, let’s remember to let others know when their work is appreciated, and when their doings resonate with us.
— Hilary
If you are able, please consider donating towards memorial funds for our friend, Nikki Delamotte, at the GoFundMe page set up by some of her closest friends. Click Here to Donate
The first story I ever told was in 2010 at a divey lounge bar, in front of fifteen people, half of which were family members. It was neat n’ tidy with a beginning, middle, end and it was the most fantastic story I could drum up. The one I could count on being a crowd-pleaser – my prized story of going from a starry-eyed Conan O’Brien fanatic to an official Conan O’Brien intern. I remember thinking, “everyone loves that ginger beanstalk so surely everyone will love my story, right?!”
Well.
In hearing and performing stories for eight years now, I’ve learned a whole lot. Especially with company like Deena Nyer Mendlowitz of This Improvised Life, Dana Norris of Story Club and Dionne Atchison who slays any gig she gets. In watching and performing with these Cleveland-based queens of storytelling, they’ve taught me that the best stories are the brave ones. That sometimes the most trivial stories get the biggest reception. And that just because there’s a celebrity in your story, doesn’t make that ish good.
1) Don’t try to please your audience. You’ll never win over your crush by pretending to be something you’re not. It’s inauthentic and eventually they’re going to find out that you actually haven’t seen The Big Lebowski and no, it’s not real, it’s Sun-In. If you want an audience to connect with you, be authentic and tell a story that matters to you. If it matters to you, it will matter to them.
Don’t try to tell a story like anyone else. Put you on stage. And share the things that might not be easy to share. – Deena Nyer Mendlowitz
2) Embrace the sht out of your sht. Everyone struggs to func on some level and that’s the stuff that connects people in a real way. So don’t try to force your story into a perfect package with a Disney® life lesson at the end. We’re onto you, sista-friend.
The best stories are usually about hardship, difficulty, frustration. People want to know the truth, they want to know how other people handle the chaos of life, and they respond well to honesty, even brutal honesty. – Dana Norris
3) Tell your own story. No one wants to hear about your loudmouthed coworker Janice or your idiot ex-boyfriend who lit his pants on fire at prom. Yes, it might be a hilarious story but it’s not your story to tell. Speak your truth and nothing but your truth. And let Janice tell her own damn story. And you know she will. (Dammit Janice.)
4) Ain’t no climax without the foreplay. How’s this for a story? “Once upon a time there were three little pigs. Some stuff happened and then a wolf just ate them all. ISN’T THAT CRAZY?” This is what happens when you don’t build up your story. Because without investment, there’s not much payoff. Storytelling audiences are kind and supportive and want to take the journey to the summit with you – let them!
When the trend first started, I didn’t want to listen to stories but then it became really comforting. It transports me to a different place and time – I find that’s so needed. – Dionne Atchison
5) Don’t just read the room, create it. Getting vulnerable in front of strangers can make your brain and body go gonzo. So when you get up to the mic, take a deep breath before you begin. When you’re tuned-in to the energy of the room, you’ll tell a better story because you’re actually entering the experience together.
6) God is in the details. My friend, storyteller and improviser, Kimberly Pride, once told the most beautiful and precise story about shopping at CVS, about how and why it brought her so much joy. It wasn’t dramatic or pivotal or life-changing, in fact, it was microscopic – studded with small moments like contemplating items in the travel aisle and anticipating coupons in her receipt. It was delightful the way she brought that very specific experience to life for everyone. I still think about that story every time I stroll through CVS.
My favorite stories are ones that reveal previously unspoken truths, so I’m always pushing myself to dig deeper, unpack more, find out why I felt that way, why that person said that, why I’m still thinking about it, and what it all means in terms of our society and our culture and what we value. – Dana Norris
7) Memorization is not key. Personally, I like to read my story enough times to where I can deliver off-book but that doesn’t always happen because, ya know, life. When I do deliver without notes, I like to imagine I’m sitting around a campfire with friends, where it’s easy, light, and the punches come naturally. When you’re writing, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the preciousness of words, but I find my stories always hit better if I make an outline of the guard rails, practice hitting those guard rails and then just focus on telling a great story.
8) Lastly, you don’t have to be the next Sedaris. In fact, often stories from noobs or stories that haven’t been over-processed can be some of the best. Those stories force you in the now, and conjure up actual human feelings – the ones that make you choke on your own throat parts. Those moments are heavyweight. Those moments are take-home. That doesn’t mean you should blow into the gig with a blank slate, but if you’re curious about telling a story and you’re nervous because you never have, there’s no better time like the present!
Have a story to tell? Here’s where to go in Cleveland. Story Club
This Improvised Life
Storytelling Workshop @ Mass Hysteria Comedy Fest
Great storytelling podcasts: This American Life
The Moth
Snap Judgment
All photographs © Hilary Bovay Photography. All Rights Reserved.
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We’re back with our second Cool Woman! Meet Amber Esner, whom we spoke with in June. We chatted with Amber at her art-making space in her adorable house. During our time together, she created a new piece of mail art for a friend. We also got to give her fabulous dog, Churro, lots of pats.
Amber Esner is an artist dabbling in many areas. On her website, she describes herself as an illustrator, designer, doodler, screen printer, mail maker, snacker and power napper. We were introduced to her through the Cozy Up! Collective art shows in Cleveland that she runs with bff and fellow artist Phoebe Thomas. Amber is so easy to talk to, and can get anyone excited about art-making. We asked Amber more about making mail art, scaling your artwork from zines to murals, knowing when to say no to a job, and more.
How often do you make mail? I did it a lot in college, but now that I’m an adult and I have a job and I want to make other work, this usually comes on the back burner. So I would say, once every two weeks or something. But that’s the thing I like about it, is that there’s no rush with it because no one’s ever expecting any mail. This is a project that I know I have so many archived on my Making Mail tumblr, that I’m okay with it just being a side thing now.
It’s nice when I’m not working on a show or anything, or I don’t have to do any freelance work, I’m like, I could make something today and send something. When I did the Just a Phase project, I made zines knowing I was going to send them to people. I’ll make stuff that I know I can send. That’s a little bit of a push to be like, “Amber, just send it. Just make it.”
We were looking at your Making Mail tumblr, and you have a ton of people on there that are inspired by your work. It’s so cool. There’s an hour-long documentary called Making Mail that my friend Mike Polk made. He went to high school with me. Mike was like, “Amber, I love this stuff that you’re doing. Let’s make a documentary about it!” And I was like, “Um, okay!” It was in the beginning when I was making stuff, in the thick of just starting to learn why I made mail, and why I was doing it. We made a Kickstarter, [and] we made our goal in under 24 hours. [Mike] went and interviewed people in I think four different locations...which was really cool. He interviewed all of us and pieced parts of our stories together.
When I started making [mail], I was just making letters to send to my friends, because half of them went away to college, and stuff like that. Specifically my friend Jack – I would go and visit him, and then I met all of his friends. ...They were seeing the mail I was sending to Jack, and they were like, “Can you send it to me?” And I was like “Yeah.” So that’s when it kind of started to blow up. And then I remember Jack being like, “You should scan these and document them so that you have it.” And that’s when tumblr was big, so I put it on tumblr. Over time, people started sending me messages, asking me if I could send them stuff, and I was like, “Sure, why not.”
I was making more mail art than actually sending letters. I feel like I’m bad at my words, and writing and stuff, so that’s why I emphasize on the making part. A lot of the times I’ll send stuff that won’t even have a letter in it. It’ll have the mail, and then I’ll put [a zine] in it, and sometimes I’ll [add in] these tiny envelopes, and I’ll [mark them] “Open when you’re upset” and fill them with glitter. Just weird little things like that.
Do they send mail back to you? Yeah! I would say only [about] 30% of people send something back, but that wasn’t the point. When people on tumblr would send me their address, they were pretty much just like, “I want a piece of mail art. I don’t know what this is or what it entails.”
“There’s no rush with [making mail] because no one’s ever expecting any mail.”
It’s cool that you can do fun, creative stuff and it doesn’t just pile up and stay around the house. You get to spread it out. Exactly. And that’s why I think I also like making zines. A lot of my artwork will end up in zine form because I want people to be able to see it and have it. Whereas a lot of people, surprisingly, don’t know what to do with prints. If you give someone a print, a lot of people don’t hang [them]...or they don’t know the purpose of it. But with a zine, you’re able to flip through it, and put it on a coffee table, or keep it in your bookshelf...and it has a bigger purpose. So yeah, the mail art is nice because you can make it, scan it, and then ship it off and hope it gets there. A lot of times, my stuff doesn’t end up [there]. There have been multiple times where [people] will be like, “I never got it.” And I’ll be like, “I don’t know where it is.” But that’s what I kind of like about it.
A lot of what I’ve been sending lately has been bigger things like boxes and stuff, so I’ll have to go to the post office and hand it to them, rather than just putting stamps on. So it’s kind of nice knowing that that stuff will get there. And it’s fun too because I go to the post office and I don’t ever know what their reaction is going to be, like: “‘This idiot again, bringing all this crazy stuff in here that I have to figure out.’” You know? But the one lady was like, “[Gasps] Look at this cute box!” and I was like, “Oh my god, thank you!” And she was trying to put the stickers [on], and I was like, “You put them anywhere, this a collaborative experience, this is me and you.” [Laughs]
How does it feel when you have to do art-for-hire, compared to making mail? It’s nice, I feel fine doing it. I don’t say yes to everything, because I learned early in college that I would always say yes to things that people wanted me to do, just because they knew that I made art. [For example] doing a logo for some law firm – you’re just asking me because you know that I can make [things]. I would say yes to that stuff and do it and kind of feel like – not empty at the end – but like, “Okay, here it is, that’s the end of it, and I don’t know what you’re going to do with it.”
You basically hand it off and then you’re never going to see it again. Exactly. And they do stuff with it, and it’s fine, but I started accepting [local clients like] Cleveland Flea came to me to do a couple posters, [and] I did their map last year, it was awesome. I just did a map of Hingetown – there’s a big cut vinyl on the side of Harness [Cycle] now, and that was a really fun project. It’s nice to work with people who know and respect your time and money. They’re in the business, they’re in Cleveland, they know all the things that have to happen to make those big things happen. And it’s good because I know I’m getting paid at the end. Which is not shallow but like… I’m a server and that’s my main life money, but then when I make money off [of] actually making art, I’m like: extra dollar bills, extra things, I can save now, this is awesome. And I can just sit in my room and focus and just make stuff.
“It’s nice to work with people who know and respect your time and money.”
Do you like making things that people can use? Since you’ve made maps and things that are more public. Definitely. Things that people will see and be able to take home, and almost use as an art piece. The big cut vinyl that we made was also a little hand map that people could take. And it’s definitely more artistic and illustrative. If I saw that, I would take it home and keep it.
You make zines and mail art, but you also make murals. Is it difficult to translate from small to large? [The RTA mural I made] was the first mural I’ve ever done. And the actual act of doing a mural is very physical and very straining. But I was working with LAND Studio, and being able to work with someone who “gets it” [is so helpful]. They knew that I’d never done a mural before, and they trusted me, they liked my work, and they knew that they were going to be able to help me if I needed anything. It’s not hard if you have the right group of people [as a support system].
Do you have goals to be able to just do art only without having to have an extra job? Or do you like having both? I realized I love doing a bunch of things all at once. I start to get anxious when I’m only doing one thing. When I was working at CLE Clothing, I was a visual manager there and I [realized] that it was taking up so much of my time and energy, and then I’d come home and wouldn’t make [anything]. You saw this lull in my work. I wasn’t making anything for myself. Being a server allows me to work three days a week, and then I can go to Zygote [Press], and then I can do stuff here [at home], and I can do all of my side-jobs, and then I can walk Churro too.
I was interning at American Greetings my summer of my junior year, and I realized too [that] working 9 to 5 in an office building, in a creative job, [wasn’t for me either] because it was like: I’m here for how many hours making, and then I want to come home and make but I’m just tired. And I was like, “Well, I made stuff today.” But it wasn’t mine.
After becoming a server, I’ve loved my life so much more. I have time to reorganize things, and buy plants, and go on trips and get inspired, and go get coffee somewhere and see a new print hanging up. So I like when it’s busy. I have all my little different groups and families that I can see and hang out with, and the people that I can’t, I can just send them stuff.
“I love doing a bunch of things all at once. I start to get anxious when I’m only doing one thing.”
It’s interesting that you said you sometimes don’t include text or an actual letter with the mail. So much of your artwork has text in it. That’s true! I was thinking about that too, and as I get older and grow, I definitely think I’m becoming better with my words. But if you look at my work, a lot of the times it’s quotes that people have said, or song lyrics, or other people’s words. But I relate to them so much where I’m like, these are the words I’ve been searching for. And that’s why I love including lyrics or music with a lot of my work. A handful of my zines have CDs in the back, and that way people can listen to what I was listening to and hopefully feel what I was feeling. [I like to use] just little snippets, because I feel like that’s how my feelings in my brain work – one-liners, in-the-moment, quick little things. So I’ll layer those all together, and then that’s my final feeling. With the letters, it’s also hard to send full paragraphs and sentences because the timeline between sending it and receiving it, there’s such a huge gap. They’re more of just an update on what’s going on with my life.
Where do you get all of your magazines and books that you use to make mail? A lot of the times I’ll get them from thrift stores or Half-Price Books. I love to get [magazines] that are [from the] 1990s and under. I always thought about that too because I was just like, “Why don’t I use the Glamour magazines or the stuff that I get sent?” And I was like, well, that’s stuff that people see every day and they’re definitely used to it. But with these, [they have] these crazy images and over time – see how this printing, it’s really crummy? – I love that. [It’s] not as in-your-face, there’s not a Kardashian on it or anything.
All of my envelopes and card stock [are] from Hollo’s in Brunswick. It is a frickin’ dream world, for anyone who’s a crafter. It’s a family-owned business. It’s a huge warehouse.
This seems like such a fun hobby, it makes us want to do it. Good! That’s the point.
I realized I started making [mail] because I wanted to maintain the relationships I couldn’t have. [Then] I wanted to stop making for the random people [on tumblr], and really focus on all of my [close friends]. I miss them so much, so I wanted to start focusing on just those people who I want to continue having a relationship with. Anyone who gets [these] probably isn’t going to throw [them] away. But if they do, that’s fine, it’s just paper. Clearly I’m working with super cheap materials, so it’s nice knowing [that] if it does get lost – yes, my time is thrown away because they can’t see it, but that’s why I scan it and post it and [the intended recipients] can look at the outside of it and wonder, “What was inside for me?” [Laughs]
I want people to look at [this mail] and be like, “I really miss my friend, I’m gonna make something for [them] and send it to [them].” I made a How to Send a Letter zine – that way, people can have it and it’s just 10 simple steps. This stemmed from a project at CIA [Cleveland Institute of Art] – we had to show a process in grid form, so I showed the process of sending a letter. I made this handmade book for it, and a lady actually bought it, which was crazy cool, but then I was like, shit, now no one can look at it. So [I thought], why don’t I put it in zine form where it’s totally reachable, it’s like $5, [and] everyone can have it and use it and send [mail] off to their friends.
One time, I got a styrofoam mannequin head in the mail. I walked home and there was a styrofoam head on my porch, with stamps on it. And the only rule was: add to this and pass it on. So you could draw on it, you could glue on it. So I sent it to [my friend’s] kids because they wanted mail and I thought that would be fun for them to get. And to walk in to the post office [to send it] – you have to be so brave! It’s so fun, I’m getting all giddy now. I need to make more!
Making this mail art, it’s something that I absolutely love to do, and I don’t feel like I’m faking it. One year, I screenprinted Ohio-themed Christmas cards, and they didn’t sell well, because I wasn’t in it. I was literally just doing it for the money. And I was like, the world knows that I’m bullshitting this right now. But all the stuff that I actually care [about] and...don’t expect money out of, that’s what people like from me. And that’s what I frickin’ love. I just make it, it makes me happy, my friends love it, and that’s really all that matters. If someone wants to buy it, awesome, but if not, I’ll just send it to you for free probably. [Laughs] All the stuff I make, clearly I try [to] not spend too much money it, because at the end of the day, it could all be thrown away.
It seems like you’ve made so many connections from this. It’s so dumb how many I have! [Laughs] It’s crazy. I was able to have a mail art show at Zygote [Press]. I got to be in charge of it, and curate it, and I got to build all these things...and of course they give you a stipend so you can make stuff. When I was in the gallery all the nights of the week, I was like, this would be so cool...if this were just my life.
I’ve had all this help from everyone, and all this push from everyone. I was just doing this in my day-to-day, and everyone that is around me is just like, come on, keep on going. And I was like, okay! I can do this! This is great.
A through-line of much of what you’ve mentioned is “keep going.” That push to keep moving forward. I mainly am just doing it for myself, so when I can’t push myself, it’s so nice to have that backup support system to be like, “Dude, you’ve got this. Don’t think about what people are going to say, just do you.” Because that’s what people end up liking.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
All photographs © Hilary Bovay Photography. All Rights Reserved.
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Ask me for any recipe, meal recommendation, or simply bring up food in my presence lately and I’ve only got one word for you: frittata. A few months back, I discovered the magic of this one-pan recipe, and now it’s a weekly staple. It’s easy to improvise the main flavors no matter what vegetables you have on-hand (or are just looking to clean out your fridge before things turn bad). I don’t shy away from fudging the egg-milk ratio if I’m short one or the other. I'm even okay with sharing these rough-looking iPhone photos I took because I just want you to be excited about frittata with me!
I based my now tried-and-true frittata recipe off of a number of recipe blogs I’m known to frequent, as well as a slightly-fuzzy memory of omelets my friends and I used to make in college. The main inspiration for this recipe, though, came from my very favorite recipe blog, Cookie & Kate. Here’s the fabulous recipe that served as my baseline jumping-off point. If you’ve never heard of Cookie & Kate before, I encourage you to try any one of her recipes (seriously, any of them) and you’ll be a devoted follower in no time.
Ok, so here’s my general frittata breakdown:
- 6 large eggs
- ¼ cup milk, maybe even less
- Veggies, chopped up quite small
- Greens, if you’re into it
- CHEESE, highly encouraged
- Salt & pepper (probably about ¼ tsp of each, maybe a little more)
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Seasoned cast-iron pan, pretty much non-negotiable (here's the one I use and adore)
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Preheat your oven to 425F. Direct from C&K’s recipe – this is the perfect temp you’ll need for finishing off your frittata in the oven.
- Chop up your veggies, and you’re going to want them nice and small. Tiny-cube-sized (no need for exactness, though). It’s best to get this out of the way first. As far as which veggies, the sky’s the limit! Sweet potatoes are great (as in C&K’s recipe), butternut squash is excellent, shiitake mushrooms are delightful. I bet red bell pepper or broccoli would be delicious. You don’t need a ton of whatever you choose – you’re basically just going to fill your cast-iron pan in one layer with the veggie. What I usually do is cut up the entirety of the veggie into tiny cubes, and then whatever’s left over, store in the fridge in glass containers for sauteing for breakfast, lunch, or dinner throughout the week. At this time, chop up your greens too, if you’re using them. I’ve made this with no greens before and it’s still excellent. But it’s a delight to have them included, too. Best choice is probably spinach, as C&K recommends, but I bet it’d be great with kale, too. Anyway, the greens you choose can be very roughly chopped – they just need to be a little smaller than they usually come.
- Scramble the eggs, milk, and salt & pepper in a medium bowl. Only have 5 eggs on-hand? No problem – just add a little more milk. 4 eggs might be tricky and not coat the veggies properly later, so try not to do less than 5. Also, in my opinion, forks scramble better than whisks. I’d probably get rid of my whisks if the opportunity arose. Don’t @ me (actually, do – I love talking about cooking).
- Let’s address the cheese now. This recipe is best with not one but two cheeses. So take a block of your favorite sharp cheddar (standard, peppery, you name it) and grate a hearty amount of it. Half the block might be too much (I’m not stopping you though), but ⅓ block is a good call. Stir this into your scrambled eggs. The other cheese you’re going to want, as recommended in C&K’s recipe, is goat cheese. Just set it aside for now.
- Take your cast-iron skillet and heat it up on medium-low for 2 mins (you always do this anyway, right? You know how this goes). Pour in a bit of olive oil. Now add your chopped up whatever-vegetable-you-chose (but not the greens yet!) in a pretty even layer, taking up the entirety of the pan. Toss ‘em around a bit, and add a dash of salt and pepper. Now cover the pan with a lid. Set a timer for 10 minutes, although you may not need all 10. This is going to steam your veggies and crisp the edges! Carefully - watch out for steam! - remove the lid periodically and stir. Test veggies with a fork until they are cooked through. Remove the lid and toss ‘em around a bit more to fry the edges further, if they don’t seem caramelized enough.
- If you’re adding greens, do it now. You’ll only need to stir them around for a minute or two. Add lid back if they’re not wilting.
- Ok! You’re almost done now! Re-stir your scrambled eggs n’ cheese mixture, then pour it into the cast-iron where all these cooked veggies/greens already live. Once the eggs are poured in, I like to take a wooden spoon (or whatever you were using to stir the veggies) and stir everything around so it’s evenly distributed throughout the eggs.
- Take the goat cheese you set aside and drop big globs of it all over the top of the frittata. Use your fingers, it’s fun! Feel free to add other seasonings atop the frittata as well – a little Herbes de Provence is nice, or maybe more pepper? Follow your heart.
- There is no more work involved! Stick the cast iron into the oven and set a timer for 12 minutes. 12 - 18 minutes is the cooktime recommended by C&K. I’ve found that 15 is pretty much ideal. I like the top of the frittata to be just slightly golden. You do you!
- Take it out of the oven. It should be beautifully puffy right now! Take a photo, ‘cause it’s going to collapse in a sec. Let it rest for a few mins, then take a non-metal spatula and divide it up. My partner and I usually end up eating almost the entire thing in one sitting. Definitely add Cholula hot sauce (as C&K recommends because she’s brilliant). Serve it with hot buttered toast on the side if you want to feel extra cozy.
Featured ingredients: shiitake mushrooms, sweet potato, Herbes de Provence.
Oh, and I almost forgot! The college-inspired spinoff (thanks to my friend Lauren who always made it for us!): fill your frittata with tiny apple cubes, onion & cheese instead. The only caveat being that you have to use a separate pan for the apple (toss it in butter and cinnamon) to achieve the right flavoring. (You don’t want your onions to be cinnamon-y, I promise.)
Wasn’t that fun and easy? And the absolute perfect meal? Let us know your favorite frittata add-ins in the comments.
Check out that middle puff! Featured ingredients: spinach, butternut squash.
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Let me preface this article with a little disclaimer: I feel so incredibly lucky to be pregnant. Getting pregnant was not easy for me--I had to deal with nearly two years of infertility which in the end turned out to be solved by fibroid removal surgery and an amazing doctor. But since I didn't really have a great resource for maternity clothes when I first got pregnant, I wanted to write this to share some of the things I've found that work. And to complain about the ugliness that is maternity clothing. I wouldn't say my style is typically very traditionally "feminine." I'm not a big wearer of dresses, don't go for much makeup, and limit my hair styling efforts to 15-minute routines that never involve a hair dryer (I don't even get how to hold one). An everyday outfit for me might be a pair of relaxed jeans with a t-shirt tucked in, maybe a chunky cardigan or a denim shirt on top.
So when my jeans stopped fitting pretty early on in my pregnancy, I got a little panicky.
Maternity fashion can be so bizarre--for someone who hates empire waists, ruching, and wacky patterns, it can seem impossible to find things to wear that are comfortable, yet still feel like myself. I don't really understand how stores that specialize in maternity wear assume that women just drop all sense of sensible styling when they get pregnant. Am I supposed to suddenly want everything to be ethereally pastel?
I started with leggings, which was a strange experience in itself. I am not a leggings girl, but yeah, suddenly I'm a leggings girl. I bought some simple, yet slightly stylish black leggings with side taping from Target in a size larger than I normally wear, and I'm actually still rocking those at 25 weeks. The purchase of a couple of maternity tank tops (without ruching!), paired with larger sweaters, helped tide me over through the colder months of winter.
One of the other first things that I tried, based on recommendation from a lot of experienced women, was a belly band to wear with my regular jeans when leggings wouldn't do. Don't get me wrong, a belly band is a great cheat code when it works--but I stopped being able to comfortably wear those at around 15 weeks, and I was forced to reconcile with the dreaded Maternity Jeans.
While you're pregnant, you're supposed to love empire waists, ruching, wacky patterns, and pastel colors--but you're also supposed to exclusively wear skinny jeans. Yes. During a time when skinny anything feels reminiscent of a corset in olden times. It took me a while to find any maternity jeans that were not skinny. ASOS has been a great go-to for atypical basics, but their jeans selection was limited for me. I just wanted simple jeans that were relaxed, and surprisingly, a maternity clothing store was the place that delivered. These jeans from Motherhood Maternity have been SO comfortable, and surprisingly stylish.
Oh, and side note: I'm going to choose to ignore the "boyfriend" label just this once. Feeling conflicted over things being labeled "boyfriend" when they really are just "not boa constrictor-like" is outweighed by the fact that omg I found jeans that are comfortable and accommodate my baby bump. But if you ever want to chat about how much I hate things being called "boyfriend cut" then I'm all in on that conversation.
There have been a few other key items that I have added to my wardrobe that are not "maternity wear," but have been working for me so far.
Jumpsuits are my savior. My favorites are a sweater jumpsuit from Madewell that I bought in a larger size (it's no longer available, sadly), and this linen one from Etsy. The fact that jumpsuits have no waistband makes them very pregnancy-friendly, and I imagine they will fit me for weeks to come.
Larger shirts, sometimes ones that are supposed to be dresses, have been great additions as well. Once the weather gets warmer, I'll be wearing wrap dresses and t-shirt dresses (maybe sizing up if needed).
At this point, I think I've got this maternity fashion thing down. But I am also only at 25 weeks, so who knows what I will be wearing into my third trimester. The tough thing is since it's my first pregnancy, it's impossible to predict how much weight I'll gain and where--so I've been buying slowly, ignoring "maternity" clothes as much as I can in order to feel like things can be reused later. We'll see how far it takes me.
All photographs © Hilary Bovay Photography. All Rights Reserved.
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We’re so excited to bring you this very first interview here at The She League! We spoke with Marissa in April of 2017, when she invited us to the WRUW Studio during an episode of her radio show, “Not Your Mother’s Tongue.”
It's been a while since this interview took place, so there have been some changes in Marissa's life since then – she and her husband are moving to Colorado. We're going to miss her and her radio show!
Marissa Mele is a World Music DJ, Ayurvedic health counselor, and koozie-maker. We were introduced to her through her radio show, which brings us joy week after week. It’s easy to tell how passionate Marissa is about World Music when listening to her show – the tone of her voice is exuberant, and she puts so much care into each week’s playlist. She is genuinely enthusiastic to share this music with the listener, and to hopefully show them something they’ve never heard before. It’s such a treat. We asked Marissa about “Not Your Mother’s Tongue,” her practices in Ayurveda, and more.
What or who inspires you creatively to do your show? Sharing the music is a big thing. Before I did this, I used to make mixtapes all the time and that was my thing. I’m like, “everybody else has to hear this song. This is the most amazing song.” I had a show one time where [the subject was], songs that if I never heard, something would be missing in my life. In terms of specific people, certain world musicians really inspire me, like William Onyeabor...or Fela Kuti. So, a lot of male musicians, but also the Lijadu Sisters – they’re from Africa – they’re some of my faves. They inspire me.
When do you feel like you’re the most authentically you? Is it during DJ’ing? What’s the authentic Marissa? I feel like the most authentic part would be when I’m super passionate about a song, where I over-hype it – and I know I over-hype songs on my show all the time before I play them, but it’s just because I love them so much, so I’m super excited about them. Because I feel so passionate about it...those are the best moments.
What about outside of DJ’ing? I feel like in most situations, I try to be authentically me, you know? I think that that can be difficult around certain people or certain situations. But I feel like for the most part, especially because I don’t necessarily have a corporate job, that really allows me to do whatever I want. [I can] wear what I want and be who I am, and not have to feel bad about it. I’m very lucky in that way.
“I’m like, “everybody else has to hear this song. This is the most amazing song.””
How long have you been DJ’ing? I’ve been doing this [show] for three years, at this time slot. My husband went to Case for graduate school, and that’s what brought us here to Cleveland. I’m not from Cleveland originally – I’m from South Florida, right outside of Fort Lauderdale. But I was living in Philadelphia for six years before I moved to Cleveland. So we were here maybe like 20 months...and then we left for 9 months and then came back. So I had 9 months where I didn’t do my show. And that was one of the big reasons to come back: I really missed my show. When I sent my email and was like “I’m leaving,” I definitely had tears...it was very sad to go. ‘Cause this was something I loved doing. You don’t really get to do that in many other places. I was DJ at my college radio station, but I don’t know very many places where you can just hop on the air like this. It’s very cool.
What inspired you to start it in the first place? Before I moved to Cleveland, I had my mixtape club back in Philadelphia. We would meet every month and we would exchange mixes based on a different theme. And I knew when I came here that I was going to miss out on that, but that there was an opportunity as a regular community member to join this station here. So when I came here...one of the first things I did, was...try to get a show at the station. I subbed with Colleen, who did “Museum Without Walls.” And I saw that there wasn’t a lot of world music, and it was something I was interested in. At my college radio station, I used to play an hour of indie rock and things that I liked, and then the second hour – our world section – was divided up by country. So I would just pull things out and play [them], and that was how I did my show when I was in college. I knew when I came here I wanted to do something different, and I wanted to explore a new type of music. So that’s kind of what inspired me to do the world stuff. I didn’t really know a lot – I had a few things that I knew about, but mostly I was a blank slate. It’s just been doing the show that really turned me on to this music and inspired me to explore this, and start buying things, and getting all excited about it, and looking at blogs, and all that.
How do you choose records when you’re buying them? For the most part, the things I buy are things I know I like. I really do like compilations…’cause you get a little bit of everything. “Real” music collectors would be like, “that’s lame,” but I’m not trying to buy like, $100 records. I just want records that I want to listen to. I don’t buy CDs anymore, and I really don’t buy music aside from records, so I only buy things that I’m like, “do I really want to listen to this? Am I really going to put it on my record player and listen to it and want to listen to the whole thing?” Then I’ll buy it. I try to be really selective about that.
And compilations introduce you to new people, right? Exactly. And that’s a really cool thing. I bought a record at Young Kings Records – it’s on 29th in Hingetown – it’s owned by two women. They had a Mahotella Queens album there, which is from a [compilation] album...and when I saw the full album, I was like, yeah totally I’ll buy that.
“I never thought that there was something outside my reach.”
How do you relate to feminism? What does being a feminist mean to you? I grew up with a mom who was a super strong feminist, and was not shy about saying that. So I think that that certainly influenced me. And she very much pushed certain things on me, which I think were fine, but she was like “you’re really good at math, and you’re really good at science,” and I was really good at math and science, but I didn’t particularly like it. But I appreciate that. She was always like, “you’re supposed to be an architect,” – like all these jobs that men had, so I always thought that was very cool. I never thought that there was something outside my reach.
My mom had a lot of sisters, and they had this weird little language, and I always thought that was cool too. They would talk in front of men, but in their own language, so the men didn’t know what they were saying. It was kind of like this version of Pig Latin.
When I went to college, I took Women’s Studies classes. And I had a professor who wrote this book called “Where The Girls Are.” It’s by Susan Douglas, and she was my Comm 101 professor. I remember reading that book, and it talks a lot about portrayals of women in the media. That was so much of what I studied: media literacy, and how the images we see influence the way we think. That’s something that very much influences my feelings on feminism – what are the images we see, what are these stories and stereotypes that are constantly portrayed to us, and how that influences us.
I was recently talking with some women, and they used the word “70s bush” to me, about women and hair. You’re saying “70s bush,” so you’re putting this timestamp on it. This idea of what women should look like, and women and hair, and women and all sorts of things – these things keep changing, and there’s ways to evolve them to a place that’s much better than where it used to be. And we used to be at a time in the 70s where, you know, having hair was okay. And now we’re in this time where you can’t. These things, I think, are really important when we talk about women, and what we say to other women, and how we feel with other women, because it really does matter, these stories we tell.
It’s been inspiring to see women come together, especially with the Women’s Marches. I went to the one in DC and that was just incredible to see how many women were there, supporting each other. I feel like there is a lot of media now that is created by women and has a feminist message and I think that that’s really cool. I think it’s so important to have more blogs out there and more media and images that are showing women in a more holistic light. We’re not these sex objects, we’re not the other kind of stereotypes that are portrayed to us.
“...It’s a waste of time to think about all the negative things. It doesn’t help you – it’s not like when those things happen, you’re better prepared because you thought it was going to happen. You’ve still got to deal with it when it comes around.”
Can you explain how you got into Ayurveda and what your connection is with it? Ayurveda and yoga, a lot of times, go together. We call them two sides of the same coin. Ayurveda is basically a science, and it’s all about the things that we eat, and the lifestyle we lead. Yoga is more about the spiritual side of ourselves, and the spiritual practice. I started practicing yoga when I was 13, my mom introduced me to yoga when I was very young. And then I did teacher training when I was 16. Then I taught when I was in college. I would practice yoga but there would be times when I was really dedicated and times where I wasn’t. But always during times of my life when there was some kind of struggle...I would always come back to it. Recently, in the last probably 4 years, I became really dedicated to my practice again. I was just not feeling well in my body, and not feeling good, and I had known about Ayurveda. I went to Sedona 2 years ago for my birthday, and when I came back, I was like, “I have to make a change. I want to start learning about Ayurveda.” I bought a book, and I was just like, this makes perfect sense to me. Then I bought more books, and I started training with an Ayurvedic doctor in Pittsburgh, and now it’s 2 years later.
How is that involved in your day-to-day life? I try to live in a balanced way. I practice yoga every day. I’m not a saint, you know, I don’t always eat all the best things, I drink sometimes and stuff like that, but I try to live in a balanced way. And I try to be mindful about the things I do. I try to meditate – and not just sitting and meditating – [but also] making meditation a part of other things I do. That’s a big way [Ayurveda] has helped me, and more recently to change negative thought patterns. I’m somebody who’s always in my head a lot, I think a lot, I’m very analytical. That can, a lot of times, send me down a more negative or darker path in my thought process. I used to always think of all the ways something wasn’t possible, all the road blocks. And I realized for a long time, that just meant I didn’t do anything, because I was always thinking of all the ways something couldn’t happen. It’s been in probably the last 8 or 9 years that I’ve tried to actively work [to] stop doing that. If I just think of all the possibilities instead of all the road blocks, you would actually do something. And that’s what I realized: when I stopped thinking that way, I actually started to do things, because I wasn’t afraid of all the things that went wrong. Because it goes wrong, you know? I started a business, I had a cease and desist letter – bad things will happen. People are going to copy your stuff, people are going to tell you that whatever you’re doing is lame, they’re going to send shade your way...that’s going to happen. But it was pointless for me to do it [to] myself. Ayurveda has helped that. That is such an important thing that I’ve learned in my life, is that it’s a waste of time to think about all the negative things. It doesn’t help you – it’s not like when those things happen, you’re better prepared because you thought it was going to happen. You’ve still got to deal with it when it comes around.
Can you tell us more about what Ayurveda is? Ayurveda is basically called the science of life. It’s about living in a way that’s in harmony with your own individual constitution, and then also in harmony with the seasons, nature, and the world around you. We basically call it the five elements. It’s earth, water, fire, air, and ether (or space). Everything is related to these five elements, and that’s where everything kind of comes out of. In Ayurveda we have this idea of cosmic consciousness, so there’s this natural order to things, and then we all have our own individual consciousness. One of the things we’re trying to do is connect with cosmic consciousness. You’re basically connecting with this higher self, or this universal knowledge that we all have. It’s how we know certain things, or how our bodies work in this perfect way – it’s considered cosmic consciousness. So that’s the background to Ayurveda.
When we think about the five elements, everything we do we want to balance. For somebody that has a lot of fire in their body, we tend to be really hot, we want to do things to cool off the body. Or for someone that has a lot of wind, a lot of air in the body, and we’re always dried out, we want to moisturize, we want to use oily things. If we’re somebody that has a lot of water in the body, we want to dry it out. The two basic tenets are “like increases like” and “opposites balance each other.” Everything we do in Ayurveda comes from this idea of trying to balance these opposites. When we’re in the summertime and it’s really hot, we wouldn’t want to overheat ourselves. We want to cool ourselves down. All these things make common sense, but [Ayurveda] just lays it out for you.
Ayurveda is 6000 years old. It’s from India, it’s considered one of the oldest forms of medicine. These are things that have been tested throughout time, throughout these 6000 years. We use texts that were written 2- or 3000 years ago, and [they’re] still the texts that we learn from today. Ayurvedic doctors still learn the texts and recite the lines from the Charaka. That’s how my teacher taught me – she would recite to me in Sanskrit, and then she would translate it, and that’s how you learn from the book. That’s really interesting to me too – that it’s been around so long and nothing has changed. It still applies. Because it’s just distilling down the basic things that we need to know into actionable plans. I think that’s why it makes a lot of sense to me – you’re just doing common-sense things you would think to do anyway.
“Being in the present moment and living in the present moment is the most important thing. ”
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received, or that you feel you could give? Or both? It’s something I was thinking about recently a lot, because it was a piece of advice my husband gave me, which is not dwelling so much in the past. It’s already happened, so thinking about it and overanalyzing it and [thinking] “how could I have done that differently?” – it doesn’t serve any purpose except wasting time in the present. As simple as that message is, being in the present moment and living in the present moment is the most important thing. And on the road trip [that was true], because [I was] forced to be in the present moment all the time; all that time wasted on thinking about the future or the past isn’t necessarily helping you now.
Anything else you’d like to share? One of my favorite stories from my show: this guy called and I had this album that I had just gotten at Loop, it’s called Choubi Choubi, and it’s all music from Iraq. And I had played it on my show, and this woman called me, who works somewhere around Case. And she’s like, “there’s a man here who is from Iraq, and he says you’re playing music he used to listen to when he was a kid.” And I was like, “that’s awesome!” And she was like, “can he talk to you?” And I was like, “Yeah, sure!” That’s an awesome thing. How cool is that that I’m playing something, and somebody hasn’t heard Iraqi music on the air in America, probably ever? I think that that’s the coolest thing.
If you’d like to learn more about Ayurveda, Marissa recommends checking out books by Vasant Lad, and the websites Ayurveda Today and Ayurveda.com. All photographs © Hilary Bovay Photography. All Rights Reserved.
For usage of these photographs, please Contact Us.