Getting Through This with Tom and Scott: Recent Episodes
Tom Saunders
The podcast that's 40 years in the making, because they're both procrastinators. Comedy writer Tom Saunders and political comedian Scott Blakeman help you navigate The New Normal, which is The Old Normal for them, since their comedy careers already require that they spend huge amounts of time at home. Their show peers back into the past, stares unflinchingly at the present, and imagines a more hopeful future, with flights of fancy and many tangents as well.
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Tom and Scott happily don their navy suits to celebrate the life of a true original.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Thomas Wolfe is proven wrong when Scott shows you can go home again.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Short trips revealed to be exciting low carbon alternative travel trend. This despite paving stone causing expensive gear shift shearing.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom and Sandy’s thrilling Ponce de Leon-like discovery of how great Boston is these days, plus Scotty and Ginger’s near mishaps in Paris result in “a podcastical triumph” (Clive Barnes) --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott’s Paris anecdote with no mishaps yields joy not jealousy promising to end war in months--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Paris to New York we discuss the portal from NYC to Dublin and our friends amazing reactions!--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott’s appreciation of his loud neighbor may lead to his long sought Nobel Prize for Neighborliness. And Tom is also on track to be the first to win the Nobel Prize for Cleaning the Nobel Prize.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom goes back to 1887, without our soon to be completed Time Machine, to West Orange, New Jersey, where the future was invented almost 150 years. Yes, the Edison campus is preserved just as it was when the Wizard of West Orange created his wondrous inventions for all the world to see!--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
As Co-Mayor of Irving Place with Tommy, Scott proclaims the State of our Street to be strong. And Tom encourages Scott to pursue his non legal career as a lawyer without a law degree who nonetheless defends both of them from those who seek to take their self appointed, unelected roles away.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
If anyone who is jealous of the 143 times we deserved a Nobel Prize with this podcast, and decides to file articles of impeachment against us in our roles as self appointed, unelected Co-Mayors of Irving Place, we have a simple legal strategy that you don’t even have to be a Yale lawyer to use. Although you can wear a Yale sweatshirt to court anyway.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott is complimented on his outerwear by two different employees at Trader Joe’s, a place that should be the role model for the world. Tom thinks that supermarket self checkout machines should talk to you and engage in casual banter.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
We don’t just talk about how time seems to be flying by, we try to do something about it. And we don’t do it on the shoulders of those dreamers who came before us. But a cheerleader definitely should be able to say that she won an award on the shoulders of Greg.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
In a shocking admission, Tom reveals that he routinely ignores requests to update apps online. Scott, on the other hand, earnestly clicks the Update box immediately, so he doesn’t miss out on anything. Can he influence Tom and other folks who choose not to update? No such updates required to listen to this episode.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
When Scott proposes an idea to make the temperature in NYC always range from 60 to 90 degrees, Tom suggests that Scott introduce the idea at Davos. But he cautions that the rapturous ovation Scott will ultimately receive will be preceded by an uncomfortable hour punctuated by one slow clap every few minutes. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom drives back in time when he visits the grand old architecture of Richmond and Charleston. Then he’s back to the present when he stays at a DC hotel called the Sslamander. Scott’s intrepid research reveals that most salamanders look like a cross between a lizard and a frog. Which explains why a hotel would want to be named after them.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom worries that he will be chastised for “double bucket listing”, but Scott assures him, in his role as a “podcast only” lawyer, that since bucket law is nonexistent, there are no grounds for him to suffer any consequences for his bucket list wish of traveling from chilly temperatures to a balmy climate in Charleston, after already doing so in Savannah.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Now that Scott is going to bed and waking up early, does that make him 50 percent qualified to be a farmer? Tom is also an early riser these days but fears he won’t be effective feeding slop to the pigs.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom proposes another in our long line of inventions- this time it’s inflatable pants. Should he invest all of his assets into this idea even though no prototype exists? One thing we know for certain, on a different front, is that eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches make you feel and appear younger, which is why Scott suggests a Biden commercial showing him enjoying a PB&J with Jill.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom takes Scott and Ginger to dinner at the famed steakhouse Peter Luger, and it’s a dream come true for a kid from Brooklyn who had never before eaten there. Even the space age technology of the “doggie bag” was impressive, especially since Tom and Scott didn’t get into a tugging match that spilled over into the entire restaurant, with the patrons on their hands and knees vying for the precious scraps of steak that fell out of the bag during their tussle, which thankfully did not happen.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Thanks to a crumbling retaining wall at Tom’s house, Scott learns the difference between cement and concrete, and vows to share his newfound knowledge with the free world. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
A trip to Kaaterskill Falls in the Catskills used to require traveling by a horse drawn carriage offering a bumpy, unpleasant ride. Now Tom zips up the Palisades Parkway in padded luxury in just 2.5 hours. Why isn’t this travel breakthrough on the front pages of every major metropolitan newspaper?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Our kind of town Chicago is, as Scott sings its praises from his visit earlier this week. Our theme is once again “time”, as Scott devises a plan to not lose an hour sleep when we set the clocks ahead. Tom tells the story of his first elevator ride ever, at Marshall Field, which we hope to rescue from the clutches of Macy’s and return to the city and its people. For that, we would happily accept two keys to the city, but in key card format or on the phone app.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Why do pundits refer to what a President says in the State of the Union speech as a “laundry list”, which is something that doesn’t exist. Plus, we would like to see a State of the Union where a couple addresses Congress about the state of their relationship, a different kind of Union, with a rebuttal after the speech by the other partner. And Scott would love to be the opening act for the speech, which he imagines would elicit hearty laughter and back slaps from both sides of the aisle.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
We won’t ask you to answer a brief survey after you listen to this episode. We imagine a dystopian future where the typical survey for your Amtrak ride forces you to compose a 5,000 word answer that details your every thought as you stare out the window from Penn Station to 30th Street Station in Philadelphia.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
This leap year’s February 29 didn’t make the front page headlines, but we’re thankful for the bonus extra day, which gave us the gift of time. We propose, in addition to our previous call for an eight day week, to put February 29 on your wall calendar every year. Why? It’s about time.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
We slide into the baseball jersey and pants controversy, as Scott is a uniform “expert” going back more than 30 years. Will players someday ask to be traded to a team with colors they like? If the authentic jersey is so thin, will the replica jersey be made of tissue paper? Plus, how to deal with agents who go to a coffee shop after playing basketball, wearing long, baggy shorts that look like dresses?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
We’re the first to propose that our nation’s Poet Laureate be elected by the voters of the US. This will necessitate a campaign with candidates reading their poetry at diners and rallies across the country, complete with negative ads.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom’s breaking news makes us throw out our planned scripted opening, and do an entirely improvised episode. Our second attempt to have a dinner party with Sandy and Ginger is postponed when Tom takes a nasty fall at a coffee shop. He’s happily on the mend, but the question remains. When will the dinner party actually happen?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
After describing his glorious Valentine’s Day dinner with Ginger, Scott is encouraged by Tom to pitch his story to Hallmark, and ask for more money than anyone has before. And if they balk at that price, then quickly accept even less than their original offer. Plus, we reintroduce our idea that most films should be 15 minutes with only happy moments, and no conflict or drama. It’s the gift of time.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
The Super Bowl gives us some ideas for NFL reform. Instead of just penalties for excessive celebration after a touchdown, let’s give bonus years for a well executed end zone dance routine. Plus, let’s have a fan do color commentary since we come up with what the highly paid analysts say seconds before they do. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott celebrates Tom’s birthday 23 days late, but that’s how we procrastinators roll. But a fine lunch was had by all, punctuated by the lively art of conversation. One thing remote workers miss are those office birthday parties that provide copious amounts of cake on a regular basis. What if someone delivered that piece of cake to a remote worker’s apartment and what would ensue?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom becomes the “Einstein of Modern Dentistry” by applying his high stepping walking technique to avert trips and falls, to protecting teeth from being broken. His rubber sidewalk proposal is endorsed by The Great Pedestrian Scott, who will lend his support through full page ads in defunct magazines Life, Look and Saturday Evening Post, which we will bring back with a full staff for one issue only just to run the ad.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Instead of the predictably harried and put upon sitcom husband who hates shopping, Tom and Scott love perusing the aisles of Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods, especially with their girlfriends. If Trader Joe’s ran our government, it would run incredibly efficiently, and our leaders would wear Hawaiian shirts and be super friendly and helpful.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
What does a “One Sport” like Tom do at the end of his beloved football season? Spoiler Alert: He’s not going to curl up in a fetal position. And Scott angles for a sideline reporter job talking only about uniforms.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
As a 20 year old student, Scott once roamed the aisles of a supermarket nervously wondering what he could make for the first dinner he had to cook for his roommates. This week, Scott made a culinary breakthrough when, thanks to Ginger’s training, he cooked a salmon dinner. Food for thought and laughter.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Once again we announce an exciting new trend. The cozy movement. Yes, cozy and comfortable are the new words to live by, especially during these cold winter months. And since cozy actually sounds like what it means, it’s easy and fun to get cozy any time of the day.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
The big news in DC isn’t the deal to avert a government shutdown, but Scott’s chance encounter there with Senator Joe Manchin. But the even bigger story might be that Scott wore earmuffs for the very first time shortly before he saw the Senator and his entourage at an iconic DC hotel. There are a million more questions than answers in this exclusive, not ripped from the headlines story.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Helpful tips on what to do and what not to say, if your guests don’t recognize your Pulitzer Prize at your apartment. Plus, we propose a bold new way to hedge your bets in the unlikely event the elevator is out in your building, when you’re expecting guests for dinner. Serve a small alternative dinner party in a corner of the lobby.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott scoops the Times again by revealing the new acronym TGIT. Thank God it’s Thursday, which is the new weekend. And Tom gets another scoop from his fiancée about workers returning to the office. You can wait a month to read it in the Times or hear it all right now on this episode.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom escapes a Bonfire of the Vanities-ish detour in the Bronx, which leads us to a joyous jaunt on our soon to be completed Time Traveler machine. Yes, we’re settled into a plush circular booth at Ciro’s circa 1950’s, telling the likes of Bogart, Lombard and other stars about the future. They laugh at first, but eventually we gain their trust, and their friendship.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Does Tom’s sea cure and Scott’s Gourmet Get Well diet make them candidates to be President at Penn or Harvard? Plus, Scott has an added edge at Penn since he already owns Penn sweatshirts and T-shirts. And Tom would be the first person in his family ever to President of Harvard.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
On the second day of 2024, Tom introduces a look back at the first one, which is a lot easier than going through a whole year. Scott shakes up the nutrition and health industry by rolling out his Gourmet Get Well Diet, which features fresh food and fine cuts of meat and fish, that bring you back to good health.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott reveals for the first time that the first time he ate Chicago’s iconic Marshall Field created Frango Mints was just last Saturday at their Christmas Eve dinner that didn’t happen because of the elevator outage. And it was well worth the wait! It’s a Chicago centric end of year episode that you should listen to an hour earlier than you usually do.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
We present a very different kind of Hallmark holiday movie called The Elevator Pitch. A planned Christmas Eve dinner with Tom, Sandy, Scott and Ginger is derailed by an elevator outage in Scott and Ginger’s building. But what happens next is stuff you can make up, but no one would believe you if you did.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom discovers magical, space age shirts that don’t need to be ironed and even washed! But amidst that joy, Scott reveals the awkward coming of age story of the workshirt he bought in high school that turned out to be an uncool permanent press shirt.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott sings the praises of his new neighborhood Murray Hill, and its famed Park Avenue, and all he needs now is George Peppard’s narrow lapeled 1960’s navy suit from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Plus, our continuing Adventures in Obscurity, where we reference William Windom’s short lived “My World and Welcome To It”.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom’s “sea cure” miraculously returns him to good health after a 24 hour malady. But an anxious and arduous flight connection in Frankfurt threatens to undo his health and sanity.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
In the first known podcast transmission from a cruise ship in the Mediterranean Sea, Tom tells tales of his adventures on the high seas, including visits to Sicily, Genoa, Malta and Marseille, and how he lost his jacket and pants along the way.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
In an historic throwback “two topics” episode, Scott chronicles his moving journey to a new apartment, and grapples with whether he should refer to himself as Mr. Park Avenue. Tom and Sandy prepare to take to the high seas for the second time in a month, and wonder whether the same people from the first cruise will join them on this one.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom and Scott see a screening and Q&A of Maestro, and they ponder becoming the new Siskel and Ebert. But cooler heads prevail, and Scott is content to sit on a hopefully not too reclining cushioned seat and remain The World’s Greatest Audience Member. And Tom prefers his non reviewer aisle seat to stretch his leg, except when the cast and director walk down the aisle --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom’s dishwasher installation doesn’t go off without a hitch, but thanks to Tom, it’s not the end of the world! And the world owes Tom a debt of gratitude, that he will forgive. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
In the process of moving, Scott discovers artifacts of procrastination, like the Johnny Carson book that he has been on page 60 for seven years, and The Power Broker where he is on page 180 out of 1147 pages. Will his new apartment inspire him to someday finish those books?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
In a landmark departure from his previous belief that compelling travel stories should have elements of disaster, Tom goes from a reluctant cruise participant to a cruse aficionado and booster. And his riveting tale of his 8 day cruise to the Bahamas is a rave review.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott puts aside his longtime fear of being egged on Halloween, and takes an evening walk amongst crowds of costumed trick or treaters and their parents. Does that make him a trick or treater too, even though he never asked for candy from a doorman?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Will Tom’s love of last minute cleaning, and Scott’s view of laundry as a means of obtaining a new wardrobe without buying anything, earn them the coveted Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval? And does it have a flat base so they can put it on their mantels?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott walks the SAG AFTRA picket line in New York, and he and Tom wonder if his 45 minute stint will bring an end to the strike. Or will the network CEO’s invite him up to the negotiations thinking he’s an easy mark, because he only softly murmured the “Hey Hey Ho Ho” chant. In our movie version of that meeting. Scott turns down offers of a series and says he’s standing with his union, and asks them what they stand for. The stunned CEO’s then quickly fold and the strike is settled.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Rescheduling should never be taken for granted, because it gives us the power to put off doing something until we’re “good and ready”. And we hope that those countries that have draconian rules about rescheduling delivery dates and appointments, give that power back to the people. Since there is a word “draconian”, we propose a blockbuster film “Welcome to Draconia”, where a newcomer helps the citizens rise up against the draconian rules they are forced to live by.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Hear why Scott went to the airport twice and never boarded a plane. By choice! And had such a pleasant experience he can’t wait to go back. Tom proposes doing away with the President’s awkward walk down the stairs of Air Force One, and instead have them exit the plane through the same tunnel we do.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
What are the odds of Tom and Sandy bumping into Scott and his sister at 18th and Park Avenue South? Tom does the speculative math and comes up with a new number system. Five hundred billion trillion Gillion to one! Plus, for the first time we reveal what really happened before we saw each other on the street, that made that chance meeting possible.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Our comedy is always clean, but it’s even cleaner when we discuss the historic coincidence that both of us have to clean our residences in preparation for visiting family. It’s a thrill a minute, race against the clock mission, that will have you at the edge of your hopefully clean seats.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom is the only person to brave the pouring rain at the Windham Fall Festival, and he buys food from as many grateful vendors as he can. Scott sees his heroic story as a postwar black and white Italian film, starting Sophia Loren, as a olive oil vendor he befriends after buying several bottles.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
We stand up for the common cold since the term “common” is lacking in respect for this hard working, reliably present, but not scary, virus, which Scott had this week. Plus, does listening to our podcast hasten one’s recovery from a cold?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
A magical weekend in the Catskills, even without a double rainbow! Tom and Scott joined Sandy and our friends Bill and Rosa, by escaping the rain and made it to the mountains for a fun filled time worthy of the non existent society pages.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Did a picture of Tom not chanting, but smiling, on a WGA picket line, bring the studios to their knees and end the strike? And could Scott’s smiling and sign pumping to honking cars, have the same effect for the SAG AFTRA strike?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Time travel is a recurring theme of this podcast, and this episode offers the shocking revelation that no universities offer a program to study and research time travel. Which is why we have been unable to obtain the gizmo that will make our own Time Machine travel through time. So the time is now for universities and other institutions to make time travel a reality.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
While cynics bemoan the gridlock of the opening week of the UN General Assembly, Scott, dubbed by Tom as “The Great Pedestrian” navigates the traffic by walking the avenue at a much faster pace! And he and Tom still found time to be a “flaneur “, strolling the busy streets, taking in the sights and sounds of the city, with no destination in mind.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom proposes that pedestrians, like Scott, who brave the rain, shall be rewarded with a payment of up to $15,000 depending on how torrential is the rain. This will incentivize people to ditch their cars and get on their feet, which will help fight climate change and lead to a better, more waterproof world, as pedestrians apply some of their funds towards weather protection clothing and gear.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
We announce our plans to travel back to 1952, once our Time Machine is completed, and write the new MGM musical hit “Pedestrian Parade” with Gene Kelly and Judy Garland. We will write the script only when we arrive in 1952, so we don’t violate the WGA strike guidelines.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
As Scott recovers from a bout of laryngitis, we raise our voices in support of the temporary voiceless. Tom even creates an original 18th century poet quotation about it, since no poet from the 18th century ever bothered to write one. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott visits Tom’s former homeland of Pacific Palisades, and imagines an Hitchcockian tale of a podcast host who assumes the identity of his cohost who has moved to New York. Will we use our soon to be completed Time Machine to go back to 1946 and make that film?
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The podcast of record for these times takes on the uptick in cases, with a hearty laugh and a can do attitude. And to demonstrate that, we each quote a line from Faulkner! Can a Nobel or two be next?
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Tom and Scott are relieved that our country’s Constitution does not mandate compulsory water skiing. Plus, we raise our voices on behalf of the potato, since it is the only food object tied to sitting on the couch. And we also stand up for the rights of the easily indictable ham sandwich.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott and Ginger get away from it all without taking a kayak to Quincy or Nyack. But they manage to spend a day at the pool without leaving their friends’s house, which would be impossible for apartment dwellers like us. Plus, after a weekend of using his “dog voice”, coupled with his regular use of his “cat voice”, could Scott eventually eschew his human voice altogether?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
A change in our usual recording time doesn’t create a crisis of confidence, since we openly and transparently reveal this fact to our listening audience. Something that sets us apart from less principled podcasters.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
You heard it here first! Our latest film idea is The Hiker and the Flaneur, which finds an urban explorer, like Renoir and Degas, who ventures to a small Catskills town with only a very limited sidewalk area. Then he wanders off Main Street and encounters a spirited hiker woman, and romance later ensues.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott stands in the middle of Park Avenue, but thankfully it’s during the Summer Streets hours, when cars are banished from that tony boulevard. We revisit our proposal for a pedestrian walkway that extends from New York to California.
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At a Pyle(Tom’s real last name)family gathering, most of the next generation of Pyles have had kids of their own. Lots of kids. Which leads Tom to discover a shocking statistical trend, that in just two or three generations, most Americans will be Pyles! Which will make for a more quiet and self conscious country.
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A day at the ballpark begins with attempting the daredevil, high wire act of trying to coordinate meeting on the same subway car as it arrives into the station. Newly released text messages reveal Tom’s anxiety over which train Scott would be arriving on. The maneuver is successful, although there is none of the anticipated applause by subway riders.
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A brunch snafu and the way we handled it, shows how diplomacy in the face of bungled service, can pave the way for world peace. Plus, how something that amounts to a hill of beans is actually something to aspire to. Particularly, if it involves a variety of beans.
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We rejoice that the outdoors is free, and we need not file a “walk plan”in advance for approval. Plus, we propose a “Dystopia” theme park, with dark, bleak rides. And Scott is relieved that he didn’t come up with the idea of the IPhone and podcast in sixth grade, and feels remorseful that he didn’t do anything with it.
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Tom’s “stop the presses” story about how NYC tourists are in much better shape than those at Disneyworld inspires Scott to walk the copywriting tightrope to come up with a slogan expressing that theme without offending anyone. Plus, we delve into the overuse of the cliche “above my pay grade”.
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Scott’s vivid word pictures of his Berkshires weekend inspires Tom to imagine sitting on the lawn at Tanglewood enjoying delicious chicken, and mouth watering German potato salad, but alas, the coleslaw has a bit too much mayonnaise. Plus, some tips on making more interesting land acknowledgments.
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In a frank and frankly hilarious follow up to his prostate procedure episode, Tom details his very successful, but sometimes harrowing recovery. And we hope that intimate procedures like that will never be filmed for medical reality shows, and will instead be performed by Union actors in a reenactment show.
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Tom and Scott join their pals at a Mets game, and banter hilariously without paying much attention to the game. Thankfully, they’re not asked to pitch, because they fear the ill fitting uniform and the derisive chants of the crowd if they bounce the ball to home plate.
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There was a time when the weather report was lighthearted and strangers asked us, “Is it hot enough for ya?”Now we turn the grim reality of climate change into boffo laughs as we create a Retro Weather channel with weather reports from the 1960’s.
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In an historic two for one episode, Scott buys and sets up a new laptop, which Tom says will earn him plaudits from the environmental movement, since it’s his first new computer in 12 years! Plus, after a months long hiatus, Scott picks up The Power Broker again, and moves three pages closer to finishing the compelling 1147 page tome.
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While the thought of having our pets talk for a day sounds appealing, the same can’t be said if our bed suddenly started talking in the middle of the night. Plus, we upend the scriptwriting world by suggesting a writer write a review of their play or film, and design a poster and full page ad with other blurbs, before they write the actual script
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We reveal that you don’t have to talk the talk to walk the walk. So that won’t keep us awake at night. Or in Scott’s case, prevent him from falling back to sleep an hour before his alarm goes off. Plus, we revisit The Great Pedestrian statue. Should it be the centerpiece of a giant pedestrian bridge, an environmentally sound project that might make Greta Thunberg become friends with Tom and Scott?
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An unexpected visitor stages a conversation coup in the Catskills, when Scott and Ginger join Tom and Sandy for the holiday weekend. Yet another in a wildly eccentric cast of Catskills Characters that stop by Sandy’s Fair Lawn Inn in our upcoming book, film or episodic series, Life on the Mountain.
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As he votes in a virtually unpublicized primary election, Scott realizes he’s the only voter in the room, making him a voting VIP, a giddy feeling that non voters didn’t get to experience. We propose a Museum of Voting to honor this cherished and exhilarating right.
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Since their ethics are above reproach, Tom and Scott think they should replace Alito and Thomas on the Supreme Court. They eagerly look forward to the confirmation hearings where they will get huge laughs by telling Senators how much they hate ice fishing in Alaska, as well as hanging out in Montana with billionaires. But they will balance the hilarity, by stressing their commitment to honoring precedent, and by choosing brilliant, earnest clerks to do most of the work.
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It’s our gala 605th episode, because why should you only celebrate a number with a zero at the end? On this historic episode, we ruminate about the pitfalls of fame, and why we’re relieved to have avoided that recognition. And we also celebrate not having to wear a tux, which never makes you feel comfortable, especially if it’s a rental.
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Our slogan,”No Ticks in NYC” would compel tick fearing rural dwellers to return to the tick-free city and office towers would be full once again. Is the powerful tick lobby behind the refusal of the powers that be to not use our idea?
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Tom and Scott attend the annual Museum Mile event, without actually seeing any museum exhibits, by eschewing the long, snaking lines to get in. But, as proud flaneurs, they take to the streets and take the Fifth. Fifth Avenue, that is, as they stroll down the grand boulevard free of motorcars for the evening. And then, miraculously, they have a fine dinner at a luncheonette!
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Chat GPT can’t do comedy, so our profession has nothing to fear, and If it’s used for good and not evil, it can be a positive thing. Scott worries he might be a robot since he has difficulty identifying the photos with crosswalk’s online. Also, Tom and Scott propose a USO tour that promotes world peace instead of just entertaining troops fighting a war.
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Scott returns home eager to take to the streets of Manhattan to reestablish his role as a flaneur in New York, as he had been in Paris the past three weeks. But the worst air quality ever in New York forces him to do the unthinkable. Stay indoors.
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In our 600th episode, Scott continues to find ways to gush about Paris in a way that’s not reminiscent of endless hours trapped in someone’s living room in the 1970’s, watching slides of their vacation. And Scott becomes a flaneur, sauntering around the streets of Paris with no specific destination in mind, much the way Manet, Degas and Renoir did.
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Scott is an American in Paris for the first time, who must find a balance between gushing about a city he loves, and the need to make travel anecdotes compelling. A week of not knowing the language of the country he’s in, has given him a new found appreciation of knowing the language of a country he’s in.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
As he prepares for his first trip to Paris, Scott deals with the competitive emotions of the clothes in his closet, all hoping to be chosen for the journey. And Tom counsels Scott on what to do if he is somehow selected to run for President of France while he’s there, and wins.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom and Scott are relieved they’re not famous, because they can stroll the streets of the city without being hounded by overeager autograph hounds and selfie takers. And they revel in the fact that they can avoid the fate of those who go from famous to infamous in seconds.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Daytime Forever Time is our latest invention, which will make it light out 24 hours a day. We haven’t worked out the specifics on how to do this, but except for the fireworks industry, everyone will benefit from the elimination of darkness. And nightclub owners, don’t worry. You’ll still be able to call them nightclubs, even though it’s light outside.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
You’ll be smiling when you hear Tom and Scott delve deeply into the smile, the most important thing on earth, next to gravity. A smile can make you fall in love, and also be used inappropriately by television news anchors. since the relentless drumbeat of bad news doesn’t call for any smiling.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott’s euphoria finding a great deal at a sample sale turns to panic, as the zipper of the shirt jacket he tries on gets stuck. Will he have to wear it for the rest of his life? And have it get soaked every time he takes a shower? The answer to these questions and much more will be revealed.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
In an historic episode, Tom reveals, in raw and honest detail, his prostate laser surgery, and how this very podcast is helping him get through this. And we come up with a pitch for a BBC comedy series called On The Mend, featuring a cranky older man with prostate issues, and his caustic but lovingly attentive wife, played by the marvelous Judi Dench.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
A case of mistaken identity leads us to ponder how far one can go to appear to be someone they’re not without illegally impersonating them. And the shocking difference between saying “If I may” and “If you will”.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Take a road trip with us without leaving your home! We share our anxieties about driving, while also lauding Tom’s journey from a fearful novice to a skilled navigator of hairpin turns and cross country trips. Scott is determined to become a relaxed driver who doesn’t just look for restaurants on the right hand side of the road.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
As part of our ongoing mission to scrutinize cliches and much repeated expressions, we decry the endless use of “nothing burger” by pundits responding to charges against powerful officials, when in fact, the opposite is true. Plus, we think it’s time to stop inventing new words, and start using the thousands of words we never use.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott performs his solo show in Manhattan for the first time in many years, in the very 42nd Street neighborhood where he and Tom got their comedy chops at the Manhattan Punch Line Theater in the early 1980’s. In lieu of waiting for reviews of his show at Sardi’s, Scott hears Tom’s glowing review that literally illuminates in the dark.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
New York was the winner on Tuesday, with Trump’s arraignment and Marjorie Taylor Greene getting booed off the stage after five minutes like at a bad open mic. There was the calm before the storm, the calm after the storm, and the calm during the storm, as the city kept the tiny contingent of red hatted intruders at bay.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Tom’s aversion to reading his mail leads to a mile high stack that must be scoured to find important tax documents in a race against the clock. While Scott has a more relaxing experience settling his return with a lighthearted and breezy 20 minute call with his accountant.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
Scott discovers that NYC nightclubs are alive and well, as he and Ginger take in a thrilling show at Birdland, where they are happily surprised to be seated at a front and center table. Tom exhorts all of our listeners to “get out there” and not stay home all the time, which will no doubt become a very successful marketing campaign.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
When a server asks if Scott wants to wear a sombrero at his birthday dinner, Tom steps in and declines, saving Scott from having to hire a crisis management team for cultural appropriation. Tom’s generous and thoughtful dinner was 20 days after Scott’s actual birthday, leading us to call for a Birthday Week, Birthday Month, and eventually a Birthday Year, where we celebrate nonstop. And no more use of the term “belated birthday “.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
In a new dispatch from Tom and Scott’s ProcrastiNation, Scott moves a step closer to opening the box, assembling and using the Waterpik WaterFlosser. Tom reveals, in a shocking confession, why he stopped using the WaterFlosser from his White Sink Days, when he lived in LA. We discuss our plans for a Museum of Procrastination, coming pretty soon, and we also salute the world leaders who are procrastinators, and keep putting off going to war.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tom-saunders9/support
It’s the first day of Spring, when a young man’s fancy turns to visitors from outer space. We express both relief that extraterrestrial travelers have not arrived here, with the attendant traffic issues, as well as a desire for them to not just send small advance parties as they have already conceivably done, but to land a large spaceship with many on board, to help save our planet.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
We welcome the return of Daylight Savings Time, support the bill that would make it permanent, and as one Senator said, “give Americans two more months of sun.” But we also love that moment when we set the clocks ahead and rejoice in the longer and lighter days. Perhaps letting everyone choose their own Time and time zone is the answer.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
We introduce a new way of walking that involves raising one’s knee an inch or two higher than usual, to ward off embarrassing spills on city sidewalks. This “urban marching “ is undetectable to passersby, and is part of our concept of “pedestrianism”, which honors and exalts the pedestrian, wherever they may be.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Scott has just 1000 pages left to read in The Power Broker, which he was inspired to begin reading by the documentary Turn Every Page, which Tom has just seen as well, detailing the decades old working relationship between Robert Caro and Robert Gottlieb. In addition to his powerful and precise writing, Caro exemplifies the German word, referred to in the film, “sitzfleish”, the ability to focus, sit and work hard for several hours at a time. Which begs the question, “If Scott can read The Power Broker, why has it taken him almost ten years to finish the Johnny Carson book?”--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Scott celebrates his Birthday with a Capital B, as he and Ginger love every moment in Washington DC, unlike those Republicans who hate spending time in the city where their job is located. And in an instructive and inspirational moment that should be played for all journalism students, Tom points out how one word can change the meaning of a sentence, and ultimately prevent all wars.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Scott discovers the French word that describes what he and Tom have always been. A Flaneur, walking the streets as urban spectators, marveling at the architecture and people along the way. And there is no English translation that does flaneur justice. So when anyone makes a derisive comment like, “So you just walked around all day?”, we can tell them we’re doing what Degas, Renoir and Cartier-Bresson and other men and women have done since the mid 1800’s in Paris. And when they hear that, they’ll just slink away.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Among the many reasons we want workers to return to their offices, is the need to keep creating new films and television shows set in an office. Compare the joys of an office comedy to the tedium of a lone, forlorn person working remotely at home. And another more personal reason is to make Tom’s girlfriend’s office cleaning company flourish again, so they can go back to enjoying burlesque and other nightlife on the town.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
By expressing his amazement at AI and ChatGPT, Scott runs the risk of “being a little late to the party”, but he and Tom decide it’s actually better to be a little late, than be on time and the first one there. Because that necessitates a nervous laugh, that Tom suggests that Scott teach for a semester at an Ivy League school.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Tom is opposed to people living forever, which is a possible application of CrispR, the Nobel Prize winning gene editing technology created by Mme Charpentier and Doudna. Scott stages another non intervention to assure Tom that his position will not adversely affect our future friendship with this Nobel Prize winning duo, and may even lead to us winning the Nobel Peace Prize.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
It feels great to dress up! Yes, it’s fun to wear your Sunday best, as Scott did for his day after Valentine’s Day dinner with Ginger. And there are other practical benefits to putting on a suit and tie and strolling down Madison Avenue. Since so many offices are still empty, just by taking the elevator to a random floor, you may be given a high paying job and a corner office, just for showing up!--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Tom faces the mild terror of Valentine’s Day in the Catskills by driving 40 minutes to buy flowers that are not chrysanthemums, or as his girlfriend called them last year, “flowers of death”. Scott and his girlfriend boldly buck the system by deciding to celebrate the holiday on February 15, to bolster his case for a “designated” Valentine’s Day, that people can celebrate when they choose.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
No, Tom and Scott aren’t news junkies, despite the fact that they collectively read the replica editions online of several local and national newspapers, and diligently watch all of the cable news networks, including some international ones as well. So what needs to happen is an anti-intervention, where our friends and family gather in a large room, and tell us to keep doing exactly what we’re doing, because we’re performing a public service, with our comprehensive news consumption.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
The alleged Chinese spy balloon takes us back to the decidedly less threatening film The Red Balloon, which we prefer to the current version, since it takes place in the magical streets of Paris, rather than Montana and Idaho. Also, we suggest a new segment on the Oscars that would boost viewership. An “In Memoriam” type tribute honoring those who are very much alive, but never completed their screenplay or finished their film.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
We love sidewalks, and appreciate the fact that they don’t wiggle like Jello, as fun as that may sound. So we raise our podcast glass to the cement industry, or as some pronounce it “Ceement”, for giving us solid and sturdy sidewalks, for better living.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Scott unzips his Eddie Bauer parka, reveling in the relative warmth of a 54 degree “Pre Spring” day in Manhattan, while Tom faces a harrowing challenge in the Catskills, when he discovers three of his four tires are virtually bald, or at least have receding hairlines.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
We extol the virtues of the mighty, but unassuming, river just minutes from Grand Central Terminal, as we embark on the Hudson River Line. And we propose, but are fervently against instituting, a Solemn Car on trains, for quiet, mournful reflection only, that goes beyond the requirements of just the Quiet Car.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
When Tom moves The Great Bookshelf and several works of art into his formerly bare walled minimalist apartment, it’s not just a move, it’s a movement, as he creates a library/museum/living space lodging. Now Scott must decide if he should eschew his own minimalist decor and follow Tom’s lead.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Scott’s no Mr. Fix It, but when he figures out, thanks to Google, how to reset a wall outlet, he becomes a bonafide member of DIY Nation. Plus, why taking candy from a baby is a good thing. And an exclusive first look at where disasters waiting to happen hang out. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
We introduce another idea that will appear in the New York Times Style section three weeks from now. To celebrate your birthday with friends the day before and after, and spend the actual birthday alone doing whatever you choose. It worked for Tommy this past weekend, and it can work for you!--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
It’s our annual friendly reminder, not the other unfriendly kind, that even in the depths of winter, the days are actually getting longer! That’s at least two minutes more per day of daylight that will make getting through winter a little easier. And no, we’re not winter deniers. We just believe in pre-spring.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
As Scott begins to read The Power Broker, Tom and Scott propose that the world prioritize essential workers, like delivery people, servers and baristas, over run of the mill hedge fund managers. And reverse their pay scale accordingly. Because at the outset of the pandemic as well as today, who would you really need to show up at your door?--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Scott returns from his nephew’s wedding in Miami, where, among other fun adventures, he danced with a belly dancer. Which of course leads us to a discussion of TV dinners, three second movies, and how using the term, “Pardon me”, can empower someone else to be King or Queen for Three Seconds.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
One reason Scott hasn’t run for office, is answering the inevitable question, “What books are on your nightstand?, since he hasn’t read any books in a few years. That’s all about to change as Scott is gifted The Power Broker, and his New Year’s resolution is to read that 900 page book in 45 days!--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Tommy has a Christmas miracle as his arduous two day ordeal traveling upstate ends happily, just in time for Christmas Eve. Scott avoids travel woes by staying in the city, and watching Holiday Inn, which leads to a shocking discovery!--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Listening to this episode about making lists should be on your to do list. And after you listen, it can go on our patented Have Done list, which brings you the satisfaction you deserve. And yes, “Get up” should be on your to do list, because if you don’t accomplish that task, the rest of the list will most likely not get done.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Tom reconsiders his proposal for an immense statue of The Great Pedestrian, and instead suggests one carved out of a single proton. Scott applauds Tom’s decision not to do an electron sculpture, since he has just learned a proton is 1836 times larger. The bottom line is we can now be considered for a Nobel Prize in Chemistry.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Can Scott trim his IPhone addiction so he can be free to solve the world’s problems? In the interim, Tom proposes a world where everyone lives in a gilded age mansion or equivalent apartment tower. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Hearing Tom’s vivid COVID’s -eye view of booming tourism in New York, leads Scott to create the expression, “A word is worth a thousand pictures.” As Tom deals with some lingering symptoms, he is thankful to live in a place where people come from around the world to visit.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
While Tommy was experiencing the high and lows of his road trip to Florida and Savannah, and his subsequent Covid diagnosis, Scott saw four films and two plays for a total cost of $14.50! How did he do it and is this the new way to flight inflation? Plus, Scott uses an uncharacteristic word for him in an impassioned defense of the director at a q and a after one of those screenings.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Neither rain nor snow nor COVID can stop Tom from completing his appointed podcast rounds. And in an episode destined to be preserved in historical archives around the world, we hear what COVID sounds like in real time, from a man who retains his humor and mental agility in the face of nagging symptoms. And who also comes up with a medical breakthrough that you can only discover on this podcast.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
Tom fulfills a lifelong dream of visiting the architectural marvel that is Savannah. And we pioneer a new form of audio travelogue that lets you close your eyes and see the sights of the city without leaving your home. On the frontlines of the Senate runoff on Tuesday, Tom senses the mood of the electorate by having a fried chicken, bacon and waffles brunch.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
This historic episode finds Tommy at the Magic Kingdom in Florida, telling tales of being in The Happiest Place on Earth. And actually being happy, unlike the tired parents with their kids, not rich enough to be on the pricey express line for the rides. Hearing this, Scott proclaims that there shall be one line for all, and a fast one at that. Will critics call that socialism?--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tom-saunders9/support
In our ongoing mission to rid the world of bad cliches, we re-examine the annoying and failed “walk and chew gum at the same time”. And we question why the word “existential” has the opposite definition than it used to have.
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The bevy of fine coffee places in Tom’s neighborhood makes Scott realize we don’t live in a totalitarian country where there’s only one coffee shop, State Coffee, and there’s only one kind of coffee on the menu, called Coffee. Plus, our exclusive investigation shockingly reveals that NYC barristas are friendlier than those in a small town in the Catskills!
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Sure it’s getting colder and darker earlier, but let’s appreciate the fact that the earth is still rotating on its axis the way it always has. And let’s take a minute to thank the earth for doing that, since even planets like to feel appreciated. And scientists say that showing gratitude actually makes us healthier. And as our speculative 1950’s game show is titled, “You Never Know!”
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We celebrate the wonder of laundry, in a podcast that actually talks about pods. It’s clean comedy at its best, as we imagine hosting the National Laundry Awards, which will be shot in black and white, with the heavy, jerky motions of giant 1950’s television cameras.
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A Balmy Day in November could be the title of a 600 page book by a former Secretary of State, but it’s also a gift that delighted us yesterday in Manhattan. We make the guilt free point that you can enjoy an unexpectedly warm and sunny day in November, and still be an ally in the struggle against global warming. Tom’s suggestion to build outdoor cafes on 24 foot stilts may earn him an invitation to the next climate conference, and Scott plans to coach speakers at the conference on how to end their speech with a big applause line.
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Limit, don’t eliminate, is our advice for losing weight in these stressful yet tempting times. Scott tells Tommy that eating one pain au raisin or chocolat a day is far preferable to ordering 14 in one sitting, which would also be unfair to other customers who wouldn’t be able to enjoy that sweet treat.
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Scott creates a new hybrid shopping model by getting the best of both worlds, shopping online and in person to purchase a coveted AllBirds shoe at a reduced price. And the glee he experiences afterwards compels Tommy to suggest that they speak in front of large audiences in hotel conference centers to show others how to feel the same way.
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As he walked down tony Park Avenue the other day, a doorman from a high end building said to Scott, “How are you, Sir” Did this greeting mean that the word has gotten out about Scott being The Great Pedestrian? Tom revisits his proposal for a gigantic statue honoring pedestrians that would span the East River. And we also bring back our plan for a Pedestrian Sidewalk that spans the country from New York to California.
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Tom and Scott introduce “audio slides”, as they invite listeners into a 1970’s living room, but instead of watching slides of a trip, they are transported to places like Saratoga New York through the magic of listening to our conversation!
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Tom and Scott solve most of the world’s problems over a fine lunch in an outdoor pavilion in the middle of famed Broadway. But they don’t actually remember any of the solutions they came up with. Which is fine with them, because had they feverishly written down all of their solutions, they wouldn’t have enjoyed their burger sandwiches and the entire magical lunch experience as much.
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Tom’s new cantilevered book shelves, filled with fine, important works of literature and vintage magazines, could make the perfect background for Zoom punditry. Beyond the base rental price, you could upgrade to customized books, including ones you’ve written. A premium upgrade fee applies if you want The Power Broker by Robert Caro. in the shot.
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Scott returns to the Laughing Liberally stage for the first time in three years, but he vows that the 22 shows will not stop him from completing his appointed rounds on our twice weekly podcast. Plus, a tribute to stone carvers, why investing in clipboards may not be such a good idea, and a new WPA poster, “If you don’t see something, don’t say anything “.
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We create a global culinary concept of a restaurant featuring County Fair food, and once again ask for no remuneration, except for free bacon on a stick for life. Part of our overall vision which includes rezoning neighborhoods as exact replicas of streets from past eras, complete with period stores, restaurants, dress and prices.
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Autumn in New York is so inviting for Scott as he finally takes some of his favorite clothing out of the closet after a long hiatus. But what if clothes could talk and complain that they weren’t being worn enough? Plus, Tommy has an epiphany when he realizes how much joy he derives by his miraculous shirt that stays pressed even when it’s stuffed in a backpack.
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Tom and Scott are snubbed in the latest batch of Nobel Prizes, but they blink away their tears to create their own Nobel worthy inventions. Tom previews his soon to be written book, How to Feel Sorry For Yourself, which describes the many ways that makes you feel happy. And Scott offers up, How To Be Your Own Cat, detailing the soothing ways you can treat yourself in the same way you treat your favorite feline.
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Scott sets out on a days long quest to not be known as the guy who never got his PATH train senior fare application notorized. But his notary nightmare leads us to imagine a world without notaries, and the need to establish a Notary Republic, a country inhabited solely by notaries.
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Tommy discovers the secret to happiness and that’s only one of the highlights of this episode! We create two movies, including The Tummler, set at a soon to close Catskills resort. And then there’s a story about an impossibly snobby family who finally embrace not eating drumsticks with a knife and fork.
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Scott is inexplicably not invited to the opening of the UN General Assembly, but he does get to see the blocked off streets and heavy police presence on tony Park Avenue. When a phalanx of law enforcement prevents him from continuing his walk uptown on the avenue, Scott doesn’t say, referencing his status as The Great Pedestrian, “Do you know who I am?”
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Our journey starts aboard an Amtrak liner on the fine Hudson River, and then takes us to Des Plaines Illinois, as we speculate about the origins of what appears to be a French name of a Chicago suburb. Plus, why animal acts need a good warmup guy to make sure the audience laughs and applauds loudly.
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Scott loves his girlfriend and his seersucker sports jacket. Should there be a different word to describe affection for a garment than “love”? We create one, as well as the idea of having a PA announcer for the world. Also, we introduce our vision of a home office, where you and your family live.
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A sports episode for even those who don’t like sports. And sports cliches. Tommy boldly switches his allegiance from the LA Rams to the Buffalo Bills, which inspires Scott to recall his relief when he didn’t get picked to be the place kicker on the Lincoln High School football team. But he did get to be the PA announcer, but the sound system could only be heard by people sitting five yards away.
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Scott assumes a catcher’s position and reaches deep into a bottom shelf at Key Food, to find a sale priced four pack of tuna in water that two elderly ladies had been searching for. What happens next is the stuff of classic heartwarming Hallmark movies. And what if a baseball scout was in the aisle at that time, and offers Scott a contract to play catcher for a minor league team in Chattanooga?
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Tom and Scott’s long weekend in the Catskills is filled with great friends, food, the lively art of conversation and ultimately “four ghosts dancing”on the porch of a Victorian inn. But that joy and frivolity is threatened, when Tom is locked out of his house and must summon all of his gymnastic skills to climb through a small window without causing injury or attracting the attention of local law enforcement.
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Tom and Scott kickoff the long holiday weekend with an appreciation of summer breezes, that Seals and Crofts referred to in their 1972 hit song. And they decide not to try to bottle those breezes for potentially enormous profits. Tom and Scott will have breezes galore as they and their girlfriends enjoy a Weekend in the Catskills.
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Tom and Scott flawlessly execute a miraculous maneuver, as they arrange to meet on the same subway car enroute to a Brooklyn Cyclones game. Surprisingly, no one on the train applauded after they successfully completed this high wire act. And when they share their small town wonderland experience at the ballpark, you’ll feel like you’re in a seat right next to them!
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Tom dodges a bat flying waist high at a Walmart and speculates as to whether it was someone’s emotional support bat. Scott breathes a sigh of relief that he has never encountered a plane full of emotional support bats, although they are actually not blind at all! They have excellent vision, especially in low light, so calling someone “blind as a bat” can actually be a compliment.
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Scott votes in a primary election held on the unlikeliest of days, August 23, to ensure he maintains his “super voter” status. Since he’s so diligent about voting, should his vote count three times as much? And should all voters receive rewards and points in their airline and hotel loyalty programs to encourage people to vote?
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Scott rediscovers his past, as newly digitized audio cassettes include one of his first known comedy performances from 1978. Plus, in a follow up to our The Case for No Case episode, Scott gets a new, even bulkier and sturdier IPhone case, and after further review, he decides to continue not using any case at all!
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Tom’s very moving moving story has Scott holding on to his seat, rather than the riskier sitting on the edge of his seat. But this thrill a second journey of a truckload of boxes, paintings and furniture from Tom’s former LA home, is so Hitchcockian that we can even figure out the scene where Hitch makes his brief cameo appearance.
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We make the case for no case, as Scott revels in the elegance and sensual beauty of his unprotected IIPhone 11, as he awaits a free replacement for his Otter Box case. But we caution our listeners, that along with its sleek feel, glossy purple color and lighter and easier to fit in your pocket size, an uncased phone is like being a high wire act, where at any moment a dropped phone could lead to its destruction.
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The air conditioning in Tom’s car isn’t working, and he realizes it would be easier to solve global warming than find a Volvo service center that has the replacement part. Plus, Scott suggests a midi graduation gown to beat the heat. And we show our appreciation for the word “appreciate”, and how it gives everything more value.
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As people are doing activities for the first time since March 2020, Scott just did something for the first time ever. He provides just a taste of the unbridled beauty of Vermont and New Hampshire, while Tom considers the merits of bridled beauty as well, as in a fine horse. And we wonder if Scott’s effusive praise of the Dartmouth campus will lead to his being named the commencement speaker at the 2013 graduation.
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A gift of large boxes of Ring Dings, Ding Dings, Devil Dogs and Cupcakes, which would have been a dream when Scott was a kid, turns into a nightmare as an adult. Will anyone accept his magnanimous offer to take some of the boxes off his hands, especially since sugar is the first ingredient in all of them?
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We propose a yearly Throwback Thursday, where a random year is chosen in a lottery drawing, and the entire nation must wear the clothing of that period for the day. This will create many jobs and will be a boon to the domestic manufacturing of clothing from all different times in history.
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Tom becomes the first volunteer doctor, and “urger” of urgent care, as he helps his girlfriend secure medical appointments that ultimately lead to a stirring happy ending. Plus, Scott conjures up a O’Henry like story, where a man sells his bragging rights to buy his girlfriend dinner, but is then left with nothing to say.
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In a shorts story worthy of O’Henry, Tom and Scott reveal, for the first time, how they have managed to be lifelong friends and podcast partners, despite the fact that Tom doesn’t wear shorts, while Scott spends many hours researching his shorts purchases.
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The two main elements of our philosophy are being relieved about things that don’t happen, and being very appreciative of what we do have. The Ice Hotel in Quebec, where you must wear animal skins while you sleep on a bed of ice, is a prime example of something we’re relieved we don’t have to experience. But we’re looking forward to going back in time to 1943, to make a new picture starring Katherine Hepburn. And then back to the 1800’s to encourage Van Gogh to do just one more painting.
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What if we didn’t wait until we did something wrong to deny that we did anything wrong? This breakthrough declaration of innocence will fill you and your friends with relief. We also return to the Webb Telescope and create an antidote to feeling small and insignificant when you look at these new images of faraway galaxies. Simply take a microscope, look at a slide, and you will feel full sized again.
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The wondrous time travel images from the Webb Telescope inspire Scott and Tom to ponder if there is intelligent life in the outer galaxies, will they necessarily be smarter or look that much different than we do? Also beware of unscrupulous cosmetic surgeons claiming to possess the same infrared technology to make you look the way you did ten years ago.
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In perhaps the best example of how we can breathe a sigh of relief from things that didn’t happen, Tom and Scott celebrate their total non involvement in causing Brexit, the recent Supreme Court decisions, and any major war, conflict or troubles.
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Tom and Scott discover that a summer ski lift up Hunter Mountain, can be terrifying. So why do all the other riders seem so relaxed and carefree? At least, it’s almost ten degrees cooler at the summit, proving that “It’s cooler in the Catskills “.
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Tom’s visit to Kingston in upstate New York inspires him and Scott to create a new word “quainterrific” and a new description of the Catskills as “America’s Tuscany”. We don’t ask for any recompense for these ideas, but we would welcome parties in our honor, preferably without food on skewers.
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Tom and Scott once again propose “A Super in every House”, a WPA style program to give every homeowner a live in super, the service that rental apartment dwellers enjoy. Plus, we pitch another “new” 1950’s sitcom, “I’m Not Your Super!”, starring Fred Gwynn, as a Harvard educated academic who inadvertently applies for a job as a super, instead of superintendent of schools.
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Tommy’s harrowing experience before and after flying from LA to NY is punctuated by our flights of fancy involving our ideas for Off Broadway shows staged in the 1960’s, thanks to the Time Travel Casting of our almost completed time machine.
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On the way to meet a friend at Le Pain Quotidien in Central Park, Scott actually gets lost, and must endure the indignity of having the person he asked for directions, think he’s a rube from out of town. Tom and Scott set out to cast the movie version of The Lost Man, and plan to use their not yet finished time machine to cast a 1960’s Jack Lemmon and Spencer Tracy. This ability to cast in the past will lead to new SAG contract negotiations, as well as unlimited casting possibilities.
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Tom loves water, so he’s moving back East where there are lakes and rivers galore. Galore is one of those happy words, that is only used to describe things you like and nothing negative. Scott reveals that Chinese restaurants are the best place to get the coldest and freshest water.
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For the first time in four months, Scott attends a film screening, and hopes that The World’s Greatest Audience Member has still got it. Tommy proposes that every person in the world gets to receive a rousing ovation, flowers, and the chance to be at Sardi’s to wait for the rave reviews to come in.
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We shine the spotlight on The Inconvenienced, those drivers on Topanga Canyon in LA, forced to expensively idle in their cars for hours because of the Pan American Summit traffic. Plus, we speculate on what would happen if we walked past the stage door at Carnegie Hall, a frantic stage manager yelled, They’re here!” and we see a giant poster of us with the words, “Appearing Tonight”.
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When you spend three hours watching your team lose on television, why can’t the coach acknowledge us in the post game news conference? Because those are three hours we’re not getting back, although if our team won, we wouldn’t be getting them back either. Plus, we introduce the “Relief Fan”, who joins the crowd midway through the game to replace a tired and possibly drunk fan.
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After getting caught in yet another downpour, Scott implores the umbrella industry to come up with a quarter sized, inflatable one that you can hide in your pocket when it’s sunny, so you’re not mocked for carrying an umbrella when it’s not raining, Tom crafts a Clio worthy public service commercial that urges the industry to step up and invent such an umbrella.
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We introduce our new travel concept,&“A Tourist In Your Own City”. Plus, how standing on line for ice cream can cure depression. And we preview our potentially upcoming tour of science schools with our lecture, “Invent or Debunk: Which is Better?” And, how a rent by the hour office can be better than the Sistine Chapel.
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On our 500th episode, we play the first words Tom and Scott uttered on the first episode from April Fools Day 2020. When the world shut down, we had to create a new one that’s funny, hopeful, helpful, slightly delusional but ultimately plausible. We’ve championed Little Victories, where we get joy from simple, easily attainable things. And we’ve done it all with the voice of a 1940’s travelogue announcer, with vim, vigor and pep. Not too shabby for a couple of kids from the streets of Brooklyn and Libertyville Illinois.
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In our never ending quest to identify and compensate phrase creators, we sing the praises of “mutual admiration society “, an expression invented by Thoreau. If the world could be a mutual admiration society, with praisers instead of appraisers, oh what a world that would be. Lavish compliments and holding each other in high esteem, is the way we treat each other on this podcast. And it will lead to our dream of ending sadness in our lifetime.
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Scott procrastinates in real time, for an unprecedented second time, about using his new Waterpik Water Flosser. And vows to “Say the Say and Do the Do”, in the first time that phrase has ever been spoken. Tom creates a Clio Award winning montage of active, happy people playing sports, and sampling fun food and drink, with the big reveal, “I’m A Procrastinator”.
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Tom and Scott introduce Coin The Phrase, our lobbying effort to finally pay phrase creators, who have previously not received recompense for their work. And Tom is asked to pick the background music for his house video, and fears he will be blamed if that music causes the house to linger on the market.
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Scott implores the scientific community to “embarrass us with one more rich”, by inventing a way for those who test positive to find out “How they Got It.” Plus, we propose making money through word investing, where you create a word and reap the profits every time someone says it.
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Tom and Scott think it’s a good thing to live in the past, but even though you can get a great deal on a medieval castle, they don’t recommend moving to the past. Renting in the past is a better option. Plus, will the teepee placed in the kid’s bedroom by Tom’s stagers cause his house to be canceled?
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Scott and Tom never imagined they would ever be considered math geniuses, but after analyzing the cliches “In No Time” and “No Time Flat”, they can picture eager MIT brainiacs feverishly writing the applicable math formulas on a CinemaScope sized blackboard, while they sit in the back of the classroom nodding approvingly. Can a Nobel Prize in math be next?
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Tom fears being asked to be the captain of a nuclear submarine, which may be unlikely, but You Can’t Rule It Out, which could be an early 70’s game show with Tom Kennedy as host. Scott ponders whether he would perform a one nighter on a submarine if the money was right. And then both of them realize it would be inevitable that after Scott’s successful show, Tom, not Scott, would be asked to captain the submarine, since doing comedy on a ship isn’t a career path to being at the helm of one.
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Tom has to leave his house for eight hours, so the “stagers” can completely redecorate it in a style that’s the antithesis of his design tastes. But hopefully the teepee and ceramic cactus in the newly created kid’s bedroom will add hundreds of thousands to the sale price.
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Tom and Scott pitch a 1959 Twilight Zone where a man wishes for the biggest check in the world, and gets a football sized one that is impossible to cash or deposit. And we invent a partial cure for procrastination.
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On Earth Day, Scott creates an ad campaign “Walking is the best step you can take to save the environment.” And “Your footprint can reduce your carbon footprint.” Plus, Tommy proposes Throwback Thursdays for press conferences, where Jen Psaki can wear a 1940’s outfit like Rosalind Russell wore in The Front Page.
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Scott walks the walk and talks the talk about walking. Will that lead to being named the head of the currently nonexistent President’s Commission on Walking? About what about Tom’s vision for a gigantic monument to The Pedestrian that will also serve as a bridge across the East River?
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Since there’s no time like the present( except the seconds before and after), Scott decides, for the first time in almost two years, to start reading a book. Now that he is 23 pages in to The Boys Club by Erica Katz, will he be invited to speak at q and a’s at the Strand and Rizzoli, and sign copies of other people’s books?
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As he prepares to move, Tom feels the weight of the world on his shoulders as he decides what to do with a coffee table book the size of an actual coffee table. Scott creates a new job, Premise Supervisor, who performs spot checks to ensure comedians aren’t using outdated references in their premises. So, no Eastern Airlines setups. Plus Tom suggests a new profession as well, a Praiser, who unlike an appraiser, simply cones to your house and heaps praise upon everything you own.
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Tom prepares to sell his LA home of 18 years, which you could have found out on Zillow. But he reveals something you can’t look up. The meaningful index number(MIN), of the house is a whopping 114. The house has an ocean view, but Tom eschews the notion of taking the ocean with him and putting it into storage.
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Tom and Scott’s carefree brunch at Friend of a Farmer confirms why brunch is the happiest meal. But then later, Tom faces a tension filled high wire act that requires him to take many uncharted steps to find the concert tickets he purchased from a third party seller.
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We marvel at the space age wonders of an IPhone, which allows the common man to take photographs suitable for framing at your finer galleries. And Scott relives a moment in time around 25 years ago, when a disposable camera at a party led to an unnecessarily guilt ridden experience.
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We propose having only dentists as pundits on news shows, even on topics that they’re not familiar with. But we urge them not to do their “hits”, while performing dental surgery. Finally, we coin a new and hopeful expression, “Let’s agree to agree.”
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Tom and Scott take off on a Catskills Getaway, filled with scenic adventures and madcap hilarity! From an involuntary tour of a piano museum, to the couple that follows us wherever we go in Hudson, New York, this is an audio travelogue for the ages.
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In the latest installment of “The Q and A Sessions”, Tom and Scott fondly describe last night’s interview and Q and A they attended, with the brilliantly funny illustrator, Edward Sorel.at Rizzoli bookstore. And in a stirring moment, Scott overcomes his Q and A shyness and confidently asks a question!
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Six years ago, Scott began to notice pinholes, at the bottom of his T shirts. What could be causing these mysterious holes, usually four or five of them in the same general location? In a “whatdunit” of thrilling proportions, Tom and Scott put on their detective hats to try to solve this mystery!
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Tom and Scott, along with other free thinkers, have long called for making Daylight Savings Time permanent, which the Senate unanimously did yesterday. Did our podcast musings influence their historic vote, or should credit go to Chicago and their hit song, “Does Anybody Know What Time It Is?”Either way, Tom and Scott are now Time Historians, and as such may already have received e-mail invitations to become tenured professors. But what if we mistook those emails for spam?
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A coffee misadventure leads to slapstick comedy but also a more nuanced tale of heroism. Scott is a Keurig user while Tom is a coffee aficionado. Should Tom pen a coffee column in a local Catskills newspaper called “What’s Brewing?”
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Our podcast is a Tale of Two Hosts. Tom spends countless hours devouring CNN, MSNBC and Fox News, while Scott limits his intake to 30 minutes of BBC World News, DW and France 24, for a decidedly European flair. Are either one of them News junkies? Or both? The answer may or may not surprise you.
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The State of our Podcast is strong, and it only took us two minutes to explain that, including our non rebuttal response. There was no “laundry list” of things we’ve accomplished, because we challenge the very existence of such a list. Does anyone write down all of the clothing items in their laundry bin before they do their laundry?
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History is made as Tom and Scott perform their first live performances together at an Off Off Broadway theater. The enthusiastic audience was in on the ground floor of a cultural milestone, and since the theater is in the basement, they were actually in on the floor below the ground floor.
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Tom and Scott once again move into Nobel Peace Prize consideration, as they advise President Zelensky to pretend he’s still acting in his hit television comedy Servant of the People. Because the best way to defeat the anti-comedian Putin is through laughter. We also propose a peaceful solution to the conflict, by having Ukraine and Russia each produce a half hour comedy show and see which country makes the best show.
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Tom and Scott create a sensational new musical, On Our Way, filmed on the streets of Manhattan. The opening scene has Tom jauntily walking past a Park Avenue apartment building, where he is joined by Scott in mid step and mid song. Based on an actual walk to a parking garage on Super Bowl Sunday, when Tom and Scott didn’t actually sing or dance, but did come up with the title and poster design for On Our Way.
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We’ve always known that women love flowers. But we weren’t told that certain kinds and colors of flowers can be considered by some women to be “flowers for dead people”, as Tom learned first hand on Valentine’s Day. Scott suggests the store where Tom purchased the soon to be hastily discarded flowers, posts a warning notice where the chrysanthemums are displayed.
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Of all the things Scott can’t do, changing a flat tire is the thing he can’t do the most. So he is in awe of Tommy’s ability to change a flat in the gravel parking lot of a college he’s never heard of.
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Tom and Scott are now regulars at Friend of a Farmer, as the pandemic era requirement is just two consecutive weekly visits. And their next visit entitles them to order “the usual”. Plus, why we’re thankful there are no open mics for those who want to be the next Siegfried and Roy.
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Tom yearns for the day in the very near future, when an all clear siren sounds to signify the end of the pandemic. But Scott wonders if that will lead to end of pandemic deniers.
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Let Tom and Scott put YOU in the driver’s seat, as Scott hopes to emulate Tom’s transformation from fearful, inexperienced driver, to a proud owner of a Volvo XC60, who drove from Los Angeles to New York last summer.
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Tom and Scott announce their commitment to end disappointment in our lifetime. And create a new 1950’s show “Choose Your Neighbor”. Plus, why we should always remove flyers for events that have already occurred.
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Tom and Scott sing the praises of in person takeout food, which we experienced with joy and as a personal triumph. in between Sunday’s astounding football games. Plus, Tom’s reference to chicken parmigiana instead of milanese, sparks a preemptive admission, that forms the basis for their new speculative book, “Crisis of Credibility: The 12 minutes that changed podcasts forever”.
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There’s no time like the present, except when you use your DVR to skip through commercials and less than thrilling moments of a football game, as Tom does. Scott is an old school purist who eschews the DVR, and patiently watches the game in real time, as Tom was forced to do last Sunday. Find out how he managed to deal with that trip to the present, and so much more.
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Tom, and the other denizens of their bucolic Catskills hamlet, must load their often pricey vehicles with bags of garbage and recycling to deposit at the Town Dump. Scott proudly takes his bags of paper and plastics in the elevator to the recycling bins, but doesn’t shout, “I’m doing the right thing to save the planet.”
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Scott and Tom have an impromptu ten minute therapy session that amazingly gives Tom an epiphany about why he doesn’t clip coupons as his Dad did. Scott reaffirms his status as “America’s Deal Finder, by talking about his long held love for “quality merchandise at drastically discounted prices.”
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“Mmmm Good: Tom and Scott’s Guide to Happiness”, is the book we haven’t written yet, but that doesn’t mean we can’t plan the gala book launch event to be held at the grand New York Public Library. In fact, once we book the venue, that will give us a deadline to finish the book. Then we can plan the gala for our next unwritten book, “Things That Didn’t Happen”, which also is one of our keys to happiness.
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Our podcast has been shown to have a curative, but not preventive, effect on the virus. And it’s not because Scott is a scholar on the 1918 Spanish Flu because he has read the first seven pages of The Great Influenza. Or because Tom earned a PHD through graduate home schooling. But we do hope to get the endorsement of the CDC.
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Tom and Scott make the much awaited announcement that they will seek unreelection as self appointed, unelected co-Mayors of Irving Place. And they get ahead of the rumors about Tom allegedly being a no show on the street, by proving that both Tom and Scott are showing up all the time, without making a big show about it. Except for this show.
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It’s a very special Getting Through This New Year’s Laughin’ Eve with Tom and Scott. In the world we have created, there were plenty of great moments for us in 2021. We have inspired ourselves, and we hope you, dear listeners, as well. Our show is a digital time capsule, an ebullient and hopeful record of an uncertain time. Where delusional ideas quickly become quite plausible. Happy and Healthy New Year!
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Scott is back home from Florida, where he managed to turn a positive Covid test into a positive experience. And he’s thankful for the friendly servers who called him “Hon”, and for the warm, sunny days on the white sands of Clearwater Beach. Tom’s Christmas was a happy family tale, despite the presence of a white van mysteriously parked in front of his room at the Holiday Inn Express in Libertyville, Illinois.
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We celebrate pre spring, where the beginning of winter is offset by the days getting longer and lighter. Plus, we urge the rehabilitation of the word “amateur”, as we proclaim ourselves medical amateurs. No Big Pharma for us. Plus, why trees in cold climes love this time of year. Tommy reports from Libertyville Illinois while Scott is in Clearwater Beach Florida, showing that temperature disparity doesn’t have to divide people. Will that finally net us that elusive Nobel Peace Prize?
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An historic podcast as Scott reveals he tested positive for Covid on Sunday. But Tom and Scott discover that doing a podcast can definitely be an effective treatment, but they stress, cannot prevent you from getting it.
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Our listeners are geniuses, and so they are members of an exclusive club, that has no initiation fee. Or dress code! Plus, although you would never know it from our upbeat disposition, not being nominated for a Nobel Prize this year was quite disappointing to us.
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Life imitates art that imitates life as Tom and Scott experience the exact same scenario at brunch at Friend of a Farmer as they did the last time they were there. Plus, a rare behind the scenes look at how they choose a restaurant on the Upper West Side after a film screening.
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Tom and Scott feel like the toast of the town, as they bask in the elegance and gracious service at a reception after a film screening.
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Tom is eating pastries every day since the pandemic began, but rather than judge harshly, Scott lauds Tom’s desire to enjoy mmmm good cinnamon buns. They wonder if Tom can find a way to get paid for eating pastries, and get paid for not eating them as well.
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The lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree brings back memories of the days when there were lots of Christmas television specials and weekly variety shows that the whole family could watch together. Those days may be gone, but at least we have Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales to bring joy to all, and to all a good night.
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As part time speculative etymologists, we wonder if panic is derived from pancakes, originally known as panic free cakes. And as speculative film historians, we think people will still be going to movie theaters 1000 years from now.
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Tom and Scott head to New Jersey for Thanksgiving, but they first must face the challenge of getting Tom’s car out of the garage just steps from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade route. What if a wrong turn puts his Volvo in the parade procession for 30 blocks?
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Although we are not known for our financial advice, we dole out some holiday nuggets of wisdom, like not putting all of your money into anything, since then you’ll have none left. Especially when it comes to buying a $1 million suit.
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After months of diligently and enthusiastically fulfilling his duties on the SAG Film Nominating Committee, Scott finds himself at the New York Premiere of “Tick Tick Boom” at a Broadway theater! Plus, why we think the stars would rather hang out with us after a Q&A, instead of getting into their Escalade.
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Baby, it’s cold outside, and Tom and Scott salute the concept of layering. We eagerly peruse the Eddie Bauer catalog and other purveyors of cold weather clothing. And we solve the mystery of why people ever chose to live in cold winter places, instead of tropical climes.
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If Daylight Savings Time is meant to help farmers, why not have farms be the only place where it takes effect? We shed light on the increasingly early darkness to help you get through the next few weeks. Plus we pitch the idea of why there are so many varied definitions of the word “pitch”.
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The Unelected, Self Appointed Co-Mayors of Irving Place are back on their beat, and score a table for brunch at Friend of a Farmer, simply by asking for it. Soon to be a hit Off Broadway show, The Empty Table, which will then move to a larger house on Broadway.
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Tom and Scott create Finders Keepers, a show about a detective who searches for personal items that are lost or misplaced. Co-starring Tom’s savvy cleaning woman who usually finds his lost items before he does.
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Scott takes the redeye home from San Francisco, and gives the gift of time(the best gift of all), to our listeners, imploring them to tune out the anti redeye skeptics, and enjoy an extra full day of vacation. Tom comes up with a Nobel worthy idea to build museums and entertainment venues at our airports, to turn the drudgery of waiting into opportunities for fun and enrichment.
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Tom discovers garbage strewn about the porch of his Catskills Victorian inn, , and later determines the culprit is a bear! Scott is in the Santa Cruz mountains for his nephew’s wedding, where only bears who are registered guests are permitted on the premises.
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Our time machine is almost ready to go, except for the minor detail of not yet having the mechanism to allow us to travel in time. But the walk in cedar closets and lie flat seats are already in place. As is our plan to recruit time travel agents.
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When Tom’s cousin good naturedly mocks his mountains, the Catskills, he decides not to immediately get on a plane to Boise to confront him. Scott lauds this diplomatic gesture which is surely worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize.
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On this podcast, we leave no milestone unturned. Scott gets his booster shot, and despite his mild reaction, walks four miles to attend a screening of George Clooney’s film The Tender Bar, with a q and a with Clooney. Tom suggests that Scott become the first Q and A reviewer. And Scott ponders what question he could have asked that might have led to he and Clooney becoming friends.
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Tom invents the expression, “The best parade is the one that’s unexpected.”Scott stumbles upon the Columbus Day parade and watches floats with sash wearing, waving people, and marching bands, as he gawks and walks 20 blocks along the Fifth Avenue parade route.
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We salute those who ogle fall foliage, for these leaf peepers are the least dangerous people on earth. We marvel at the teeming throngs in Times Square, observed by Tom upon his arrival from the Catskills, and Scott after seeing his first Broadway show since March 2020.
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Sunday in New York. Tom and Scott are On The Town, perusing vintage Playbills at the Broadway Flea. A film screening later that evening, reveals a secret Tom can only now tell the listening public.
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Autumn has just begun, but Tom is already dreading winter in the Catskill Mountains. Scott says the upside is that Tom will be able to complain with the other locals about the arrival of the “ski people”. We rejoice and exhale deeply, because we both don’t ski, so all we have to worry about is procuring the proper weather resistant apparel.
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Tom and Scott imagine the Broadway musical inspired by Tom’s family reunion last weekend. With so many family members ready to pass judgment on Tom’s handling of the party, Tom sings the showstopper at the end of Act One, “It’s All Up to Me”.
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It’s an all new season of the General Assembly at the United Nations, and Scott finds himself in the middle of a security detail for a not famous potentate, on Madison Avenue. Tom and Scott propose that countries in need of money sell the naming rights to their nation.
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Tom is about to embark on his first flight since March 2020, and dreads having to wear a mask for that long. Scott puts Tom at ease by reminding him he wore a mask for two and a half hours at our recent Dear Evan Hansen film screening. Tom also hopes he’s seated in the non brawling section.
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Tom and Scott start a new movement to destigmatize the “early bird” dinner. They regale us with the tale of their post Dear Evan Hansen screening dinner at a fun and festive Mexican restaurant at 5:30 pm. And they also envision, in a non delusional way, a time when famous actors will go up to fine audience members like them, after screenings.
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Tom and Scott see a screening of Dear Evan Hansen, and not only love the film, but also the q and a with the cast! We speculate what it would have been like if Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland did a q and a. Or if a q and a turned bad because of a disgruntled moderator and disenchanted cast.
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Tom and Scott continue to champion the truly essential workers who deliver our food and packages, and allow us to purchase food at supermarkets and restaurants. And who provide assistance at stores. They are far more necessary than hedge fund managers and should be paid accordingly.
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If only there was a Tom and Scott to help people in 1918 get through the Spanish Flu. There were no podcasts then, only wax cylinders that would have had to be shipped to each listener.
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Maureen McGovern was right. There’s got to be The Morning After. Tom and Scott made it through the rain, and celebrate the bright blue, sunny skies ahead after a difficult night for so many in New York, New Jersey and the region. The power of the storm makes us pine for the more benign weather event, snow.
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Tom and Scott continue their groundbreaking “Catskills/NYC Conversations”, as they discuss the lack of ticks and snakes in the city compared to the “country”. The Catskills are magnificent, but NYC has the Beauty Without The Beasts.
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For those of you who were not child prodigies, rejoice in all the things you didn’t miss. Like childhood. In our occasional role as howlingly funny motivational TED talk-like speakers, we show you that being a senior prodigy is even better and more satisfying.
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Scott goes to the NYC Homecoming Concert in Central Park, 14 hours after it ended, wearing his Marmot “surrender” jacket, that offers little resistance to the rain. But he still enjoys being a “day after” person, as Tom and Scott were when they walked around the Kodak Theater the day after the 2018 Academy Awards.
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Tom and Scott spend three days in the Catskills, and marvel that the mountains never close or have scaffolding, and that you can keep your window open in your room at a Victorian inn, because you’re underneath the large wraparound porch. Plus, we speculatively uncover the lost Underwater Catskills from two million years ago, where they still played shuffleboard.
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Scott goes back to a movie theater for the first time since March 2020 and wonders if the Welcome Back on the marquee is specifically directed at him. Plus, our idea for introducing the jaunty stroll competition in the Olympics, with compulsory steps and the always exciting freestyle walk. And finally, we take on the grammar establishment in an unprecedented way.
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It’s a day in the life of Tom and Scott, which starts with a disappointing museum visit. Instead of sitting on the curb, and wailing “Boo Hoo!”, they pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and embark on a high seas adventure. And in doing so, they “discover” a new island!
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Tom faces an ethical dilemma. Sneak into the trailer of Reporter 1 on a local film shoot, and possibly win an Oscar, or simply walk on by and earn the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award. Scott thinks that award should be competitive, with ads in trade publications.
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In our ongoing salute to The Pedestrian, we revisit Sidewalks Across America, our plan to connect both coasts with giant sidewalks. And we once again breathe a collective sigh of relief(which is the best kind), that we need not submit a walk plan for our daily strolls.
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As the young man hawking newspapers in the 1930’s would bellow, “Read All About It. Tom and Scott Visit the High Line.” Thrill to their true life adventure, as they both tell the same story. In their own words!
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We love quaint old small towns, with Mom and Pop shops, many of which are not owned by Moms and Pops, but by Moms or Pops instead. And we revisit our time machine, which is only missing the part that enables time travel. But the most important part is the comfortable reclining chairs, and that we’ve figured out.
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Starting today, we’re changing our schedule to two podcasts a week, after having done seven a week for 10 months , and five a week for six months. Why the change? To give you the gift of time. The greatest gift of all. Take a week to enjoy the two episodes, or use the other days to catch up on some of the 415 you might have missed. The choice is yours!
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The sultry, tropical July air in Manhattan makes us feel like we’re on a Caribbean island. Tom says we just need to plant palm trees, preferably with hammocks. Scott suggests “Hammocks for the World”, and hopes this diplomatic gesture will give him a better chance of being elected Secretary General of the UN.
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Tom’s stay at a wildly eclectic, romantic and boldly designed inn makes Scott recall the antithesis of that. The 1975 Holiday Inn tag line. “The best surprise is no surprise.” We prefer the element of surprise over the soulless conformity of a uniformly designed box.
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Tom has a magical moment with his nephew, as they stroll along the very street that earned he and Scott the moniker, The Unofficial Unelected, Self Appointed Co-Mayors of Irving Place. Plus, Scott and his childhood friend are drenched by a thunderstorm, but they don’t care since the rain provided welcome relief on a hot and humid day.
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The streets of Manhattan may feel hot and humid, but when Scott rides the wondrous NYC Ferry along the East River, the trip is a breeze and he arrives at his destination cool and collected.
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The airwaves are filled with “so called experts” with made up titles like “strategist “ On the other hand, Tom and Scott have every right to call themselves, The Unelected Self Appointed Co-Mayors of Irving Place.
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On Bastille Day, the French Fete Nationale, we come up with the solution to speed up America’s pastime, baseball. The players should go back to wearing wool flannel uniforms and caps, and the tiny gloves of the 1930’s and 1940’s.
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We introduce a new expression destined to become famous: “A parking spot helps one person, but an outdoor dining pavilion feeds thousands.” Plies, we present the Pro Bono Corps, a new WPA-like movement, that encourages citizens to help others pick out clothes at a store, choose an item on the menu, and so much more.
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We celebrate the joy of socks, the great equalizer, worn by rich and poor alike. And what else can match the unbridled joy of discovering socks you forgot you had?
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Once again we take time to appreciate the wondrous inventions of today, and like the visitors to the 1964 World’s Fair, we look forward to the future with breathless excitement. And we make the bold prediction that in 2050, our clothes will look pretty much the same.
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We celebrate and appreciate our freedom to walk wherever and whenever we want. No walk paths must be submitted in advance. No Papers Required! Which sounds like the name of a long running show, popular with tourists, on London’s West End.
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Thunderstorms are the great equalizer, as people of all backgrounds, huddle together under awnings and scaffolding to ride out the storm. We hope that many of them stay in touch and have yearly reunions, where they can reminisce about the guy who went back out on the street before the rain had let up.
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We have another light bulb moment, as Scott fights procrastination and wins, as he replaces his bathroom bulbs. Plus, we would be remiss if we didn’t mention that Tom has a 1000 batting average in never being remiss. Should he be named baseball’s MVP despite opposition from baseball purists?
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Unlike most podcasts, we rolled up our sleeves and got to work on the day after July 4, even though it’s a national holiday. We imagine a world where the only explosions in wars are fireworks, that don’t destroy, but entertain. And while we celebrate America’s independence, we concede that if we had lost the Revolutionary War, we would have been like Canada. Which wouldn’t have been a bad Plan B.
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Can Siri be programmed to find lost keys, wallets and 3 oz hand sanitizer bottles? And why do supermarkets have that aimless robot with no discernible purpose other than to look scary?
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If Tom and Scott recorded one podcast a week for 15 months, this would be our 60th episode. Instead, after doing our show seven days a week and now five days a week, we’ve reached our 400th episode. If you’ve never given us a listen, this episode is a great introduction to our world of time travel, speculative history, science and more, and talking about everything, anywhere that ever happened.
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It’s the great unmasking as Scott and his two favorite building staff people see each other without a mask for the first time. After that poignant milestone, Scott shocks Tom by revealing he still plans to wear his mask in the elevator and lobby of his building
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We recall the I Can Hear It Now: 1933-1945, CBS News album, moderated by Edward R. Murrow, as we compare the sound quality of our own voices on this podcast.
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How many tenants does it take to screw in a light bulb? In Scott’s case, none. He just calls the maintenance office. But now Scott decides it’s time to start on the road to becoming a Mr. Fix-It.
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We would take ranked choice voting one step further and have people vote for the character traits they like about each candidate, and then use a gene editing tool to create a person with all of those qualities.
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Tom and Scott are proud to be tourists in their own city. We gawk at great architecture and giant skyscrapers. We love to be around other tourists because they’re always in a good mood and thrilled to be where they are. Like us.
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One of the upsides of NYC not being fully back is the lack of cars driving on side streets. So you don’t have to wait for the walk sign, unless there’s a young family with kids waiting to cross, and you want to set a good example.
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Are gun cliches stopping us from having the gun control this country needs? Let’s drop the tired and inaccurate cliches like, “I’m under the gun.” If you’re under it, you have nothing to worry about. Let’s use common sense by eliminating gun cliches.
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Scott sings the praises of his deep dental cleaning, and laughing gas has nothing to do with it. Tom and Scott make a groundbreaking plea for a more positive attitude towards dentistry, despite the unattractive, contorted way we look in the chair. And it’s the only branch of medicine, that gives you a free parting gift, no matter how old you are.
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Tom revels in the Victorian splendor of a Catskills inn, which Scott speculates was once the home of a railroad magnate. Are there still magnates today, and if so, can anyone claim to be one, without the authorities trying to prove it?
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Tom proposes that another monument, plaque or animatronic figure of Scott be erected at Citi Field to honor his commitment to ending hatred and rancor directed at the opposing team’s fans.
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We recorded this episode at 11 am ET, the earliest ever, which meant that Scott was still wearing his pajamas. We envision a city of pajamas, where everyone is clad in this not just for nighttime garb. Tom is old school, so he wears a rubberized podcast suit, in the unlikely event of a tsunami in the Flatiron District.
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Tom and Scott are both in Manhattan, where they compare Tom’s road trip to the first moon walk. Scott would love to take a road trip too, but he proposes a giant Sidewalk Across America to let the pedestrian share the joy of cross country travel.
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Tom’s historic cross country road trip takes him to wondrous Pittsburgh, the last stop before he arrives at his home in New York. Scott hails Tom as the new Ponce deLeon, and we speculate that the famed explorer found the Fountain of Youth, and is alive and well running a bar called Ponce’s Place in Florida.
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In a historic first, Tom and Scott are joined by a very special guest. Tom’s sister Betsy, an indispensable part of the show is actually on the show from Libertyville with Tom, and Scott is in San Antonio.
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After Tom’s kayaking expedition in Boise, Tom and Scott stress the difference between wearing a puffy life vest versus a heavy, weighted one. The answer won’t surprise you.
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Tom’s in Boise and Scott’s in the Palm Springs area, where they come up with the $3 trillion idea to make customized sounds for electric cars. Even some that make pedestrians and fellow drivers laugh.
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The first episode where both Tom and Scott are not at their homes. Tom goes to Mecca, which in this case is a nearly empty diner in Seattle. And Scott is in Los Angle Less, the way it’s pronounced in 1953 travelogues.
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Tommy is on Day 3 of his epic road trip and he regales Scott with his on the road experiences, live from Eugene, Oregon. Plus, why DWE(Driving While Eating is legal, and may be praised when a cop pulls you over. And we hope those same policemen will use their loudspeaker to praise Tommy for observing the speed limit.
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We’d like to see more government mandates, like Dressed to the Nines Saturday, when formal wear produced by our finest manufacturers will be provided to every American. Which would fit in perfectly with our vision of “Resortism”, where everyone works two weeks a year, and spends the rest of their time in government paid all inclusive luxury resorts.
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As we begin to travel again, our focus is on earning miles and points in airline and hotel loyalty programs. But what we also need is a National Points System, a WPA-like way to earn points for worthy everyday activities as well as for bad things that you don’t do.
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Tommy’s leisurely road trip through several cities from LA to NYC, is now a race against time as he must get to his niece’s graduation from Boise High School on May 27. Scott’s breakthrough travel planning prepares Tommy for various scenarios that can be turned into a major motion picture.
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The best way for us to feel optimistic about the future is to have uplifting voiceover announcers speaking in the stentorian tones and cadence of a 1950’s travelogue. Plus, now that anyone can get a license to marry people, let’s do the same for bestowing doctorates.
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Broadway is coming back and will be better than ever, even with its comically uncomfortable seating. But at least we don’t have to stand as they did in the days of the Old Globe Theatre. And let’s bring back the live entertainment from decades ago too, like vaudeville, supper clubs and burlesque.
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Tommy prepares for his cross country journey, by borrowing a page from Kerouac’s On The Road. Fortunately it’s his own paperback copy, so no library fines will be assessed.
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Dirt is fertile ground for a celebration of this unappreciated force of nature. Most people scorn dirt and criticize you for tracking it into the house. We exalt the many positive uses of dirt, and think that dirt shouldn’t be considered a dirty word.
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We don’t regret jumping at the chance to get vaccinated as soon as we could. But perhaps, we early adopters can also receive the rewards and perks that the vaccine laggards are being offered.
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We introduce the philosophy of “Resortism”, where every man, woman and child, regardless of income, is guaranteed 50 weeks a year at an all expenses paid, all inclusive luxury resort
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We introduce “Which Is Better?”, a new game show that judges the merits of Florida vs. California, and other things you can compare, like apples and oranges.
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A day at the beach gives Scott an even greater appreciation of Florida, as does the kindness and thoughtfulness of a waitress. Plus Tom and Scott create a screwball style 1960’s film with Scott impersonating a restaurant owner to impress a woman he sees at another table.
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For the first time in our 370 episodes, one of us is on location as Scott reports live from Clearwater Beach. Tom thrills to Scott’s tales of flying on an airplane, and experiencing in person what we watched from afar on the news the past year. Plus, an exclusive investigation into the world of the “so-called expert”.
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In a very special Look Back and Cringe segment, Tom recalls, with embarrassment, a James Bond themed gala, where he was one of only two men not wearing a white tuxedo. Scott, in a real time therapy session, reassures Tom that his originality in choosing to dress as Goldfinger, was a positive thing that wasn’t cringeworthy at all.
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Scott’s mesh office chair arrives in a much smaller box than expected, leading to anxiety about whether it’s inflatable. Plus, Tom and Scott propose using balloons and beach balls in law enforcement instead of weapons.
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We discuss the merits of wind versus breeze, which of course leads to the Seals and Crofts hit Summer Breeze, and an appreciation of their Baha’i faith. Plus, Tom says “let’s hear it for the ear!”Soon to be a WPA-like poster, we discuss this often overlooked facial feature. And Scott recalls getting SAT prep from Stanley H. Kaplan himself in Brooklyn!
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Scott goes maskless outdoors for the first time in a year, and finally gets to stop AND smell the roses. Will he need to wear a T-shirt that says he is fully vaccinated and followed the mask mandate until the day AFTER it was changed?
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After watching two Sondheim documentaries in one evening, Scott discovers his inner musical theater nerd. Which Tom can relate to since he memorized Broadway musicals like The Music Man, as a teenager. Which naturally leads us to a discussion about a breakthrough in mathematics.
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We think you should stop and smell the roses, but not for that long. We love museums, but always wind up way ahead of the person we came in with. Are we better than everyone else? No, just different.
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Scott goes back to the office, The Comic Strip, to perform for the first time since last March. His exhilarating evening joins the pantheon of other era defining moments, like Judy at the Palace and The Beatles at Shea. Plus, why rare books should be sold at gas station food marts, and why libraries shouldn’t be built miles underneath the earth’s surface.
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Tom considers cosmetic surgery to become The Most Handsome Man in North America. Scott implores Tom to save money and buy a turtleneck or dickie instead. Or simply chew Bazooka bubble gum to tighten his chin.
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Tom and Scott propose a new day of the week. Yes, why not eight days a week? Our new day will fall between Saturday and Sunday, and it shall be called Fun Day!
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Rainy days and Mondays don’t get us down. And we praise the Monday morning quarterback, especially for not waiting until Monday afternoon to give their analysis. Look for our as yet unwritten book, “Blue Monday: An unauthorized history of the world’s most hated day”.
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Spring is in bloom, and there is no place for criticism of a gift of flowers, unless it can be proven they were stolen, in which case the authorities should be notified.
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Life can be a day at the beach as Tom and Scott recall their ocean games of wave withstanding and wave taunting. And they pitch a film that will boost those activities the way Gidget did for surfing.
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Is air conditioned clothing in our future? Plus, we pitch a 1950’’s film, My Son is a Communist, where a young boy has a dream about moisture wicking underwear, that alarms his parents. All this and more, on the podcast with the most vim, vigor and pep.
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Scott considers spending $15 to see the Oscar nominated film Mank at the Paris Theater instead of watching it on Netflix. Tom thinks Scott deserves an honorary Oscar for representing The Moviegoer.
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You won’t need coffee to stay awake for this groundbreaking discussion about how Tom drinks coffee throughout the day, and Scott just has a morning mug.
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Will the proposed “Pali Microgrid” pit Palisadians against Malibuvians, Santa Monicans and especially Brentwoodians? Could a war among upscale street gangs ensue?
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Three Museums in Three Days could be a 1950’s musical flop whose poster is on the wall at Joe Allen. But it definitely describes Scott’s first foray to museums in 13 months. Tom ponders which kind of cat burglar he’d prefer to stealthily enter his house in search of his 1940’s Life Magazines.
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Tom and Scott imagine a world where the only writing implements are chalk and blackboards, and the only way to read a book is to visit museums where the 300 or more slabs per book are displayed, under the watchful eye of armed guards to prevent someone from erasing them.
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Scott encounters a film set on his daily walk, and when the PA asks if he can cross the street, Scott politely accepts, and bonds with the PA by mocking those who ignore her. Tom suggests Scott’s positive attitude should lead to a recurring role on Succession.
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Scott watches two consecutive Mets games in their entirety on television. Tom proposes a statue be built to honor Scott’s achievement, which went unrecognized by anyone except on this podcast.
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Channeling his inner Charles Kuralt, Tom prepares for that quintessential American journey- the road trip, from LA to NY. And Scott recalls a time in Minneapolis, when he may have inspired his waitress to become a detective.
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Tom and Scott are the self appointed, unelected co-Mayors of Irving Place in Manhattan, and Scott returns there for the first time in more than a year. After a delicious brunch at the bustling Friend of a Farmer, it’s clear that New York is Back.
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April Fools Day came and went and neither Tom nor Scott pulled any pranks, because they’re morally opposed to them. But Tom did get his first professional haircut since last March, so we introduce our new slogan for the National Association of Barbers: “Haircuts, not pranks.”
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Even terrible animation is fun and appreciated by Tom and Scott, as they watch the short lived 1950’s local Chicago cartoon, Paddy and the Pelican, a bird that’s not indigenous to the Chicagoland area.
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On their first anniversary show, Tom and Scott address the rumors about why they also did a first anniversary episode a week ago. And their time machine is still missing the part that makes it time travel, so they look back to the past and speculate about the future from the comfort of their LaZBoy recliner.
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Tom’s favorite yogurt, Siggi’s coconut, abruptly changes its packaging, and its flavor goes from creamy and smooth to artificial and lumpy. Scott and Tom envision a trip to Reykjavik to implore the corporate board to reinstate the original coconut flavor.
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Scott and Tom are time travel film critics, as they go back to March 1969 and discover that The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie with Maggie Smith was a sexier film than I Am Curious (Yellow).
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They’re a menace to mankind, but for too long, people have been taking tornadoes lying down( which may well be the safest position). But Tom and Scott think it’s high time we fought back against these wind monsters, and devise scientific techniques involving vacuums and special gloves, that will prevent them from doing damage.
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As we approach the first anniversary of this podcast, Tom and Scott look back in time at their very first episode. The show has evolved, but our optimistic and plus positive attitude has never wavered.
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Tom and Scott prepare to fly for the first time in more than a year, and are relieved that they just have to wear masks for several hours, instead of a clown suit or a suit of armor. Plus, we’d like to see pilots who are also hypnotists, so they can put us to sleep during turbulence.
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Tom and Scott never went on Spring Break, or had a high school prom. Did missing out on those traditions cement their status as outsiders, which fueled their creativity and this podcast?
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After Scott watches the 1952 World’s Series on YouTube, Tom comes up with an idea for a sports bar that only shows vintage games on a 1950’s black and white console television.
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After watching the 1956 indie film “Lovers and Lollipops”, Scott shows Tom the New York Times arts section exactly as it appeared on April 19, 1956!
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We’re proud of our track record deconstructing familiar cliches. Now we introduce a weekly segment called Cliche Court, where we put actual cliches on trial.
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What will fun look like in Post Pandemica? We see everyone giving people the benefit of the doubt, and it becoming perfectly acceptable to say to a stranger on the street, “Nice face!”
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Scott appears as a television pundit for the first time in nine months. Which gives he and Tom the opportunity to give their opinion of the people who give their opinions, as the world’s only pundits who critique other pundits.
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We exult in the advent of Daylight Savings time and the longer, lighter days ahead. Fully vaccinated Tom and Scott don’t have grandchildren to hug, but they respectively visit a restaurant and a bar for the first time in a year.
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Tom and Scott realize they never got around to becoming rich enough to own a yacht. Maybe the $200 million for the cost of the yacht alone could be doable, but then you have to tack on yearly expenses like $400,000 for fuel. So after looking at those numbers, they decide a more affordable option is simply crashing yacht parties.
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We marvel at the wonders of clothing. From performance fabrics that wick away moisture, to hidden pockets that hide your wallet when you don’t want to know where it is. Clothing is The Human Costume.
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The point we’re making today is found on the head of a pencil. Yes, the No. 2 pencil. One of the few instances where being number two beats number one.
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We think that “elite” schools like Harvard should punish alumni who perform badly in public service. They should have to appear at a ceremony where speakers mock their incompetence and ignorance, while they wear a dunce cap.
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Tom and Scott embrace their age, and call themselves Veteran Time Travelers. They believe that an “obscure” reference is just something you haven’t learned yet.
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On Scott’s birthday, Tom presents the “un gift”, and creates a new quotation from speculative French literature, “As time goes by, the gifts you don’t receive are the best gifts of all.”
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Hypnosis. The most amazing technique that never gets the attention it deserves. Except from us. Scott marvels at the mystery and power, of the rarely examined miracle that Tom has participated in for 46 years.
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If climate change was an issue in the 1930’s, the WPA poster would say “Don’t Be Bigfoot”. Tom and Scott want to reduce their carbon footprint, which leads to a discussion about carbon paper, and why our footprint is measured in tons, not feet.
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Tom has a hard time replacing the bulbs on the Italian lamps at his house. Scott points out that even the most comfortable homes are missing something. A super.
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Tom gets his second jab at Dodger Stadium, the only place in LA without a VIP section. Covid vaccination is the great equalizer. The jury duty of medicine.
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Baseball spring training games start Monday with fans in attendance, so what will happen to the cardboard cutouts? We salute the unsung hero, the catcher, who must squat for three hours, wear a mask and heavy padding, while trying to catch a 100 mile fastball with the umpire hovering over his shoulder.
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Tom and Scott discover they both did play by play sports announcing from home when they were 12. They imagine a world where Scott and his sister are welcomed into the Motown family after recording their New Year’s Eve song in 1966 on Scott’s Panasonic cassette recorder.
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Tom gets his second vaccine on Saturday, and plans to celebrate by returning to Trader Joe’s for the first time in a year and buying desiccated sponges. Scott becomes fully immunized tomorrow, two weeks after his second jab, but he won’t walk to Times Square and kiss a woman, as in the iconic V-E day photo,
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After listening to jazz and watching a Motown documentary last night, Scott becomes “The Man Who Remembered There Was Music”. Plus, why we should be sleeping much better than they did in the early 1900’s, even though they wore sleep hats.
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In our speculative investigative report, we look at whether algorithms are actually low paid workers with no union benefits, working in a giant underground facility.
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We were cheering right along with the NASA scientists yesterday as Perseverance landed on Mars. Next time, the spacecraft should land in one of the suburbs of Mars, to increase the likelihood of intelligent life being there.
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We think it’s important to remind people that “standing on the shoulders of the people who came before me” is a metaphor, and should only be attempted by circus acts.
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Tom and Scott vow not to let their podcast be bought out by a private equity hedge fund.
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“Saving time saves lives” is the headline of our WPA poster, as we create the word “bleakscape” instead of the time consuming “bleak landscape”. Plus, creating a movie poster with rave reviews BEFORE you make a film.
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Our listeners are geniuses because they can discern between pure unbridled speculation and fully bridled truth. Which is a far more reliable indicator of intelligence than the outdated “IQ tests”.
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Scott shows the world you can still do a podcast even with a very mild reaction to the second vaccine. Tom and Scott miss the days of watching a television show the same time as everyone else, rather than feeling the pressure of bingeing a show so you can talk about it with a friend.
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Scott gets his second jab from a friendly nurse, but he makes sure not to be too funny so he doesn’t distract her from delivering the vaccine properly. Tom sings the plaintive song of the inbetweener as he awaits his second dose.
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We imagine what it would be like if there was no such thing as a mirror. Why, we would have to hire people to describe what we look like. We celebrate and appreciate the world’s first selfie.
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Scott, in his high pitched Brooklyn accent, did Rangers hockey play by play as a kid, and Tom had a standup persona as a German comedian. All part of .our “Accent on Accents”.
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Allbirds shoes has the same magic effect on Scott as it does on Tom. But they fear that singing the praises of products will cause multinational advertising conglomerates to try to lure them away with promises of diamond shoes and solid gold Rolls Royces.
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When we were growing up, everyone watched television at the same time and talked about it the next day at the office water cooler. Did the decline in water coolers lead to streaming content that you could watch and talk about anytime? We propose the Museum of Water Coolers, and you heard it here first.
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As they wait for their second vaccine, Tom and Scott are The Inbetweeners, which sounds like the name of a long running British farce in the West End. And even though Tom got the Moderna and Scott the Pfizer, they are still great friends who live in peace and harmony.
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Tom and Scott think they should be co-CEO’s of Amazon. Because if they can do a podcast, they can run a $1.4 trillion company. And offer their friends free subscriptions to the Washington Post.
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Scott would politely decline a free Bentley because it would require a lot of work, and have an adverse effect on his social life. Tom reveals another reason: The free Bentley scam. Plus, we retire the expression, “Hoping against hope.”
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Scott trudges through the blowing snow, hoping his walk will be seen on local news coverage. And Tom recalls shoveling snow as a teenager in a kind of suburban chain gang.
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Tom’s anxiety melts away as he slaloms around the orange pylons at Dodger Stadium and gets the vaccine. The only thing missing was a concession stand with vaccine caps, mugs and t-shirts
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A helicopter hovers and shines a beacon of light on Tom’s house. What happens next will thrill and delight you, as will our analysis of the expression “on the lam”, not lamb. Plus, a preview of our lecture to prisoners on why crime doesn’t pay, or at least not as much as it used to.
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300 shows in 300 days. Helping you get through this by escaping to a plus positive world where there’s always a silver lining. With flights of fancy and time travel that take you on a journey without getting up from your LaZboy chair.
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Tom and Scott are so well stocked with suitcases and shelves respectively, of paper towels and toilet paper, they have become a distribution center for just themselves. And Scott’s 175 mini York Peppermint Patties should cover his desserts through April.
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Scott’s Task Rabbit Elizabeth can break the glass ceiling, and then immediately repair it. She assembled his mid century modern sofa after a thrilling Craigslist experience finds a taker for his old sofa.
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The weekend will be coming back in a few months, so should we start getting anxious now about not having weekend plans?
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Tom and Scott ponder life after the pandemic. While some may inexplicably choose to still stay at home, we’re getting ready for the next dance craze. And if maypole dancing becomes the rage, should the Defense Production Act be instituted to ramp up production of maypoles?
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Scott gets his first Covid vaccine with the happiest group of people he’s ever seen in a hospital. And it didn’t hurt a bit! Tommy gets his jab next week at Dodger Stadium, and wonders if there’ll be Dodger Dogs for sale.
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Scott performs a real time intervention to get Tom to try Facebook. What follows is a groundbreaking new kind of non compensated advertising that recalls the vim and vigor of 1950’s ads.
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If you hear us breathing a sigh of relief on this episode, it’s because it’s the first one we’ve done without Trump as President. This is the end of a monster movie, where the good and decent people defeat him and save our country.
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We celebrate and appreciate the loafer. A shoe so comfortable it makes you feel like you’re on a South Seas island. And we’re amazed by the “Try Me” feature on the AllBirds app that makes it look like you’re actually wearing that wool mizzle. you’re eyeing.
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Thrill to this never before told story about Tom, Mark Burnett, Commando Nanny and The Apprentice.. Scott wonders if the meeting had gone a little differently, maybe Donald Trump would never have been President.
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Scott wants to make enough money, and not a penny more, to afford fully assembled furniture. Tom wants to get rid of two couches but they’re the ones his cat claws apart and sleeps on. Plus, we propose separating field from track, so runners need not fear an errant discus throw or shot put.
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Thinking about the 1960’s CBS series Mission Impossible triggers Tom’s fear of insomnia as a teenager. For Scott, the show merely conjures up the fact that the co-stars Martin Landau and Barbara Bain were married in real life.
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In this special Tom Saunders 70th birthday edition, Life Magazine should return to feature a black and white photo of Tom with the headline “Tom at 70”. Tom and Scott celebrate being late bloomers, which sure beats peaking at 23.
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Tom and Scott both have to do lists, which they pad just a little. Scott includes ”Get up” and Tom starts off with “”Do to do list”.
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Scott’s getting the jab, as the Brits say, on January 22, and looks forward to swapping fun vaccination stories with the other people on line. Tom isn’t eligible yet in LA, but he looks forward to hanging out with his new pals in Phase 1b/tier2..
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Tom and Scott are relieved that the noise Tom’s stomach was making was just friendly conversation, and nothing contagious. Plus, the vaccine is now available for us, but Tom wonders if he’ll meet any Dodgers greats when he goes to Dodger Stadium for his shot.
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For those of you planning to time travel to the past, we give you tips on how to put people at ease when your time machine lands in the year 1021.. First, make sure they know you’re not Satan. :
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It’s the feel good story of the year, as Tom learns to like the eight giant tubs of Siggis yogurt, in a size and flavor he didn’t order. Scott commends him for shouldering this burden, despite the stinging disappointment every time Tom opens the refrigerator.
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Our podcast is a time capsule that doesn’t need to be placed in an airtight container and buried at a World’s Fair site. Today, we look to the future and the people frozen 2000 years earlier, to discuss what they’ll need to smoothly get acclimated to their new time period.
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A video that some consider obscure actually has more than 11 million views on YouTube. Dean Martin and Caterina Valenti sing One Note Samba together in 1966, and their chemistry, respect and flirty fun is a joy to behold.
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We pre-plug our unwritten book Little Victories, which chronicles the many things we can do on our own to make us happy during these or any times. From buying York Peppermint Patties, and AllBirds, to simply getting up from your chair and taking a walk, these little victories are a big deal.
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If we let today’s sedition and terrorism at the Capitol deter us from being funny,, we would be letting the goons and the goon-in-chief win. So instead, we celebrate the Democratic Senate victories in Georgia, and start casting the movie with Laura Dern as the soulless and phony Kelly Loeffler.
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Scott has walked about 150 miles since we last discussed walking five weeks ago. Tom’s walks are limited to going up and down the same steps in his backyard 26 times.. They both value Good Walking, which they imagine as the title of a 1951 educational film.
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A thrilling mystery unfolds as Tom’s Instacart order is delivered to the wrong house. What happens next will have you on the edge of your seat and then standing up cheering.
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Tom’s aversion to mail is tested when he receives a glossy book promoting ultra luxury safaris, featuring adorably cute photos of lions cuddling. Scott respects all mail, and never discards anything in the non-garbage bin in the mailroom.
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Hooray for Hollywood! Tom and Scott recall their first adventures in LA as teenagers, as well as their respective crushes on Hayley Mills and Julie Andrews.
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We resolve, on this New Year’s Day, that there should be balls that drop in every time zone in the US, not just in Times Square. And that we should make small resolutions that are easily achievable, one of which Tom accomplishes live on the air!
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We take you back to New Year’s Eve 1965, when Johnny Carson throws it to the NBC announcer Ben Grauer, who delivers the countdown and recap of the year, from the Allied Chemical Building in Times Square.
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Scott walks four miles in search of a notary public for his AFTRA pension application, and finally finds one, as well as a pristine bathroom, at the gleaming, space age Chase flagship branch
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At a time when hugging is limited, we’ve decided to embrace our age. And we’ve come up with the solution to aging.
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It’s a Christmas Miracle in Malibu as an angel in a BMW pays for Tom’s food at the McDonalds drive thru. And Scott is touched by the act of kindness by his mailman.
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We time travel to forgotten sitcoms of the 1950’s and their opening themes, including The Mickey Rooney Show/Hey Mulligan, which inexplicably used both titles in the credits.
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We have seen the future and it’s 1954. The wondrous space age looking concept cars of the mid to late 50’s would be futuristic even today. We need to bring back a future we can look forward to by putting those concept cars into mass production.
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We may be the only podcast recording a new episode on Christmas Day. You’ll hear well crafted segues, find out why Christmas in the US is much less stressful for kids than in Germany and why the worst Christmas might turn out to be the best ever.
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On Christmas Eve, Tom receives his first online shoe purchase, a pair of AllBirds, which feel softer than walking on a cloud. Scott recalls trying on shoes as a kid at Stride Rite, where the salesman would press his finger on his big toe, and say ”You got plenty of room.”
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The days are now getting longer and today had eight seconds more daylight than yesterday. And we use that extra time to share dating horror stories about drifting kayaks and not being able to pull out of a parking space..
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We once again shine a light on the plight of the ghostwriter, that nameless writer who must struggle to convince his date that he really wrote that book. And we salute the “as told to” writer who gets to hang out with celebrities in addition to getting his name on the cover.
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If we did our show during the 1918 pandemic, instead of just recording it on our phone, we would have to deliver 17 wax cylinders to each listener’s home. Plus, since they have the same uniform, who wore it first , the bellhop or the organ grinder monkey?.
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Rather than tear out the floors of tall office buildings and replace them with giant indoor cliff climbing gyms., we hope workers fill the buildings again, and that the men wear gray flannel suits, and the women wear pencil skirts and high heels.
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It seems to us that a fellow can live a decent life driving a less expensive car than a Rolls Royce. When Tom drives his Prius he feels like a man of the people, like Jesus of Nazareth. We look to the future when Jesus goes to Las Vegas and is the headliner at a Vatican themed hotel.
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The customer used to be king. Now we are serfs as we must assemble our furniture, check out and scan our grocery and pharmacy items, with no reward or remuneration. And then we’re told to answer survey questions about the experience.
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Thrill to the edge of your seat suspense as Scott throws caution to the wind, and eats his delayed Freshly delivery,, defying a warning that said, “The food is not fresh and is unsafe to consume.”
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We think it’s time to start answering infrequently asked questions. And to start using silly putty instead of weapons. And to “Just Say It”, instead of prefacing what you’re about to say with “I just want to say...”
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Tom and Scott are enthralled by the Nobel Prize for Chemistry lecture by Emmanuelle Charpentier, who along with Jennifer Doudna, won for their work on the genetic modifying tool KRISPR. And they look forward to hanging out with them after work at a science pub near their lab.
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Will Scott’s passion for finding travel bargains for his friends, lead to a Cabinet position as Secretary of Travel and Tourism? And would he be able to wear Hawaiian shirts and have a drink with an umbrella in it when he appears before Congress?
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International versions of the term “whew”, fitting thinking caps under imagination helmets, having an egg as a symbol of the 1939 World’s Fair, and the unlikely meaning of hirsute, are just some of today’s wide ranging topics.
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It’s a Hanukkah miracle! Scott finally finds someone to assemble his plastic shell armless tulip chairs, after they sat on the floor of his apartment for eight days.
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Our vision for world peace doesn’t require building bridges, because they take years to construct. We propose using that time more constructively by having leaders of the world sit in Eames loungers and simply talk to each other. And be served refreshing Hawaiian Punch.
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If 2020 is getting you down, join us for a trip back to 1901, when there was no such thing as prewar apartment buildings. And since films of that year are upscaled now, pedestrians don’t walk like speedy penguins rocking from side to side.
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We remember our elementary school book clubs, Scott’s reading camp in Saranac Lake, and the connection between reading, ping pong and impressing a woman.
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After watching YouTube videos of American Bandstand and The Perry Como show from 1959, Scott becomes the foremost authority on Paul Anka. Both Scott and Tom echo Sinatra’s hit written by Anka, because they do this show “My Way”.
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We don’t have to dread Monday anymore, since we usually don’t know what day it is anyway. And we also tell you why quicksand isn’t as scary as it seemed in movies we saw as a kid.
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We salute Nobel Prize Week, although it is a bittersweet one for us since we were not awarded a Nobel Prize. But in our silver lining mining, we are relieved that now we have another year to book a venue for our after party in Oslo.
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Buckle your seat belts, as we take you on a ride back to 1971, and the age of gigantic cars, most notably the iconic Cadillac, which an ad called “The best synonym for quality.” Scott once bought a $10 stapler that the salesman called “The Cadillac of staplers.”
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Tom ponders getting cosmetic surgery, or “co -surg”, the phrase he coined. But at Scott’s urging, and due to our current situation, he chooses DIY non surgical alternatives.
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Scott overcomes his procrastination, and uses his Waterpik Water Flosser for the first time,, with copious amounts of water shooting out at the shower curtain and on his clothes. Tommy suggests a 310 foot animatronic statue of Scott using a Water Flosser.
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We’ve talked about phrase and cliche writers and ghost writers, but what about store name writers? They should avoid soon to be outdated names like 2.0. A restaurant in the 50’s called Blacklist is not likely to be in business today.
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We think of ourselves as work from home astronauts who journey into space every single day on this podcast. And we defy the gravity that pulls normal conversations back to Earth.
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We often take flights of fancy to the past but today we’re looking forward to taking actual flights next spring and summer. And doing something we haven’t done since March. Make plans.
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Tom is a “fast foodie”, and loves Domino’s, which pizza purists scorn. Especially during these times, Scott also loves comfort food because it’s delicious and helps us get through the day.
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Walking is the most powerful thing we can do. We just put one foot in front of the other and move forward. That’s why we want The Pedestrian to be honored with an enormous monument.
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It’s time for the spoken word to be matched with the appropriate fonts. Soon scripts will have different fonts depending on the character and their dialogue. And for our nemesis, the goons, there will be a goon family of fonts.
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Tom and Scott are thankful they recorded this episode on Thanksgiving Day., which includes, for the first time ever on a podcast, a real time procrastination. Don’t put off listening to this until later.
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Tom wonders how he will spend the many hours that he used to watch cable news, once Trump and the pandemic are over. We rule out ice fishing. And notice we spelled it fishing, not fishin’. People like us who don’t fish don’t drop the g.
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We explain how the “refer a friend and you both save $50” promotion can lead to world peace, or at least a Hallmark movie. Plus, we come up with an award winning commercial for Pirate’s Booty.
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Tom recalls the life changing advice of a waitress at a cafe he used to frequent in the Pacific Palisades. Scott has never had a place where everyone knew his name, but the fruit stand guy on the corner usually gives him five bananas for the price of four.
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Scott takes the subway and NJ Transit train to see our friends Bill and George for the first time in eight and a half months, and dines deliciously on chicken cacciatore and other fine Italian specialties. What would Ponce de Leon think about Scott’s exploration?
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Tom has always wanted to publish a local gossip sheet, Palisades Confidential about the Pacific Palisades. But he worries about the reaction from his neighbors.
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Scott buys the Waterpik Flosser, and now he’ll have “healthier gums and brighter teeth in just one minute per day.” Plus, Paul Hornung,, Nellie Fox, and not gambling in AC and Vegas.
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The word “motto” is rarely used these days so naturally we decided to talk about coming up with one for our show. We can’t use someone else’s motto, although Scott loves the one Langston Hughes wrote. “Dig, and be dug in return.”
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Scott buys a flat HD antenna for $10, and is transported back to the past.. And Tom and Scott agree that they would never do a joke that caused a world war, or even a regional conflict.
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Tom shockingly reveals that, despite his closeness and actual conversations with his cat Oliver, he is allergic to cats. Scott wishes all of the world’s problems could be explained that way? “Global warming? Nah, it’s just allergies.”
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Tom is worried about his wife’s, upcoming car journey in India, so Scott suggests she contact the Dalai Lama, who lives near her, to see if, instead of driving, she can fly with him on a fractional ownership NetJet.
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Scott feels like a king who has a private chef, with his prepared dinners delivered by Cook Unity and Freshly. And Tom’s speculative history centers on how the first king was able to convince everyone to give him complete power.
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Although there is nothing on their walls at their respective homes, Scott is a collector of movie one sheets, and Tom owns several framed lobby cards of obscure silent films,
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We picture how much fun, free and uninhibited life will be after this is over. Like the Roaring 1920’s, the 2020’s will feature madcap dance crazes, revealing clothing, and a boundless appetite for affection and human contact. And hopefully no elbow bumps., which is like banging knees.
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What if Einstein’s refrigerator invention had been manufactured in 1930.? Would that have helped the world even more than the theory of relativity?
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In yet another award winning advertising campaign idea, we come up with an ad about global warming showing a man and a woman wearing waders, those heavy rubber boots that extend all the way to your chest. The headline reads, “If we don’t stop global warming, this is what everyone will wear all the time.”
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When a live shot goes terribly wrong, like today when an MSNBC reporter uttered the two worst expletives when he didn’t realize he was on the air. Our advice to pundits and reporters is to never say a curse word when you’re miked or about to be miked, or when you’re not wearing a mic. Only say “Darn” or “Jiminy Crickett”.
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Scott hopes that one day, someone will come up to him and say. “Thank you, masked man.” Because Scott has been searching for his “go to” mask for months, and after some triumphs and setbacks, he may have found what he’s looking for. And Tom is eager to find out.
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Tom and Scott time travel to 1939 and 1940 on a ship of paper. Life Magazine. Where they find ads with tremendous amounts of copy that explain in great detail the virtues of products like beer, toothpaste and liver pills.
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Scott reports from the Upper East and Upper West sides of Manhattan, on the celebration in the streets of Joe Biden’s victory.Tom finds no hint of celebration in the liberal enclave of the Pacific Palisades, and ponders whether he should have galloped into town, like Paul Revere. shouting “Biden has won!”
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Tom and Scott resent being called “news junkies”, since that conjures up an image of a guy looking for newspapers in the recycling bin. The only thing we would like, after watching hours of election coverage is a simple thank you note from the news networks.
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Scott discovers a new reasonably priced prepared dinner delivery option that makes him feel like he has a private chef. And Tom rhapsodizes about his delicious Lux coffee, whose lively aroma lingers even after he’s finished drinking.
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Mail balloting leads us to a discussion about the space age technology of Informed Delivery, where the Postal Service emails an image of your mail. We propose Informed Delivery Premium, where, for a fee, the contents of your mail are sent to your inbox before you see it in your mailbox.
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On this historic day, November 3, 2020, it’s a Getting Through This Special Report:on National Sandwich Day. Which Earl of Sandwich invented this food breakthrough that brings us delicious and fun pleasure , especially during this anxious times? Plus, will Tommy’s wife’s faxed overseas ballot decide the election?
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Sometimes the best way to get through the present, is to travel back to the past. Whether it’s the 1953 film Little Fugitives shot in Coney Island, or a 1949 travelogue called Brooklyn, you can time travel without leaving your couch.
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Scott buys a toaster oven that makes him feel like a millionaire, even though it’s a budget model. Tom and Scott marvel at this economical, space saving fully featured workhorse. As we enter the winter season, our awe of and appreciation for our appliances is a fun way of getting through this.
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On All Hallows’ Eve, we take you to Frontier Field, home of the minor league baseball team, the Rochester Red Wings, who report sightings of visitors from the beyond, and we don’t mean Syracuse.
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Take a trip with us to the 1939 World’s Fair, “where the magic of today paves the way for the miracles of tomorrow.” We think everyone should have the same enthusiasm and optimism for the future as the 1939 newsreel narrator.
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We are still amazed by the transcontinental telegraph, and would like to see a parade honoring its contribution to communication. Plus, we think the NFL should literally have armchair quarterbacks, who sit in their EZBoy chair, and are wheeled around by offensive linemen.
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Scott celebrates the Dodgers World Series win because of their long and storied history in Brooklyn, his native land. And Tom’s speculative history reveals why Scott made a great catch at a Comic Strip Labor Day party while wearing his authentic reproduction of a 1945 Brooklyn Dodgers Jersey.
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The tree monsters are back as the Santa Ana winds cause the branches next to Tom’s house to pound against the wall and scratch the sides. In tranquil, non windy New York, Scott proposes that the government provide every American in a cold climate a free heavy winter coat that makes the wearer laugh at inclement weather.
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Tom mailed his ballot today, as Scott prepares to walk to his early voting location to bask in the adulation of like minded New Yorkers. Plus, why you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth(unless you’re an equine dentist), and why myth writers had the plum job thousands of years ago, even though they had to handle hecklers, or myth busters.
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We yearn for the return of the 1930’s and 1940’’s screwball comedies, which we need now more than ever. And we reminisce about models like this Bell X-5 Easy to Assemble Authentic Kit by Revell.
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Tom plays recordings of his cat Oliver teaching him cat words, in an anthropological breakthrough reminiscent of the work of Jane Goodall. We discuss the do’s and don’t of having a conversation with your cat, who believes, as we do, that they are superior to us.
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Inexplicably, neither the moderator or the candidates in last night’s debate, brought up the fact that Scott’s Amazon Fresh delivery went to the wrong address. But we envision a happy ending where the needy person who received it meets up with Scott and everything turns out for the best.
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We come up with the idea of a coming of age movie about people in their 60’s. The next step is deciding which lavish restaurant in Cannes to have the premiere. party. Plus, speculative chemistry about possible fun uses of the gene editing device, CRISPR.
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Tom is the first person to be home graduate schooled, as he grants himself a doctorate in Speculative Psychology, by watching YouTube lectures from Yale, Harvard and the University of Chicago. Scott suggests a way universities can monetize these lectures, by having live commercials presented by teaching assistants.
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As always, we look to the future and wonder what would go in a time capsule today. And then we realize that our show is a time capsule that can be accessed 1000 years from now. Plus, we invent a new artisanal delicacy. Fresh gum.
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Since we didn’t have a party after our 200th episode, we made our 201st episode a party, by recalling past revelry. And we’ll start researching venues now for next year’s gala 500th episode party.
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On our 200th episode, we provide an overview of just a fraction of the ideas, inventions, observations and speculative journalism, history and science, that elicit endorphin releasing laughter from our listeners, and high priced hyena like laughs from us, every single day.
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With unflinching candor, Tom reveals he is considering cosmetic surgery. Should he move his eyes to either side of his head, in a birdlike way? And how will others react? This episode is ultimately about how we see the world and how others see us.
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Scott uses a ring light for his Zoom comedy show, which leads us to an affirmation of the world’s roundness, while questioning the “four corners of the earth” expression. Plus, how to navigate the terrifying four corner stop near the Beverly Hills Hotel.. Turn around.
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There are the ignorant and selfish non mask wearers, and the terrified and anxious never leave the house people, Scott and Tom have come up with a Better Way.. How to live life to the fullest, while still abiding by CDC guidelines.
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Researchers say we’re undergoing a micro evolution which will result in smaller mouths and fewer teeth, including no wisdom teeth. We hope that doesn’t lower the average intelligence even more. Plus we find out we didn’t win the Nobel Prize this year, but we hope to be the entertainment for the ceremony.
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We hope to hang out at Nobel Prize parties and after parties with Doudna and Carpentier, the women who won the Nobel Prize for the gene editing device, the Crispr, which is not a dating app for very tan people.
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As Supreme Court confirmation hearings begin, we ask the weighty legal question, “Are fast forwarders of football games, like Tom, still considered fans?” And Scott feels guilty for not watching any NBA games this season, despite the sacrifice and courage of the players.
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Scott reports on his magical walk alongFifth Avenue and Madison Avenue last night. Tom invents masks with LED images that waiters can use to display specials. And we introduce phrase enforcers who collect royalties from people who use expressions that other people come up with.
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Scott marvels at the space age technology of the refrigerator in his new apartment, which for the first time, let’s him enjoy filtered water and crushed and cubed ice. Tom wants to have an heirloom tomato party with nothing but heirloom tomatoes, and songs about heirloom tomatoes.
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Gretchen Whitmer’s sign language interpreters are celebrities themselves because of their expressive and theatrical translation. And we propose a peace plan that would end bee stings, and make them living longer.
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Scott has his first live performance in seven months, and then the next day travels back to Brooklyn, and gets a haircut, even though Ali’s mask now sits on the top of his upper lip. Which leads to our latest invention, the chin bib.
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Tom and Scott address their procrastination, several weeks after they originally planned to talk about it. Plus a technical glitch enables them to contrast their transparency with the lack of that by Trump’s personal physician.
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Tom has a Hitchcock-like encounter at a juice bar and Scott finally watches The View. We introduce another invention, fraternal twin beds that look nothing like their standard twin sibling. And we hope The Wave, which is an unwelcome imposition at sporting events, never catches on again or leads to other traditions like standing on your seat and dancing like a ballerina
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Our seven days a week production schedule cannot be stopped by sleet. And how did sleet, and not wind or fog, make it to the three things that won’t keep postal workers from completing their appointed rounds. Plus, was King Solomon the first flight attendant? And, since we’re speculative theologians, how will we juggle the anticipated lunch invitations from Princeton, Harvard and other Divinity schools?
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In a very special Getting Through This After Dark edition, Scott breathlessly regales Tommy with his hot off the presses tale of the last part of his move from his childhood home in Brooklyn to Manhattan. Spoiler alert: It involves contractor bags.
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Tom heroically eschews the use of his air conditioner during unusually warm and muggy LA weather. Scott comes up with two new quotations that he hopes the Bartlett family will publish. Tom suggest a book of non famous quotations. And do you have to be famous to have a famous quotation?
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In this historic episode, Scott reports for the first time from the island of Manhattan. And he and Tom agree that fragile is the only word on a box that will have the desired outcome. Plus speculative history about court jesters.
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It’s Scott’s last podcast from his childhood home in Brooklyn and as he prepares to podcast from his new apartment in Manhattan starting tomorrow, Tom and Scott discuss this new chapter in Scott’s life, as well as why all apartment buildings should have cheerleaders to welcome home residents.. And our latest invention idea is a small portable heater you can attach to your table for year round outdoor dining.
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Our About Last Night episode starts with the Presidential debate, but then proceeds into suction cups, shaving, the Algonquin round table and, finally sophistication.
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Scott discovers tiny works of art that tell a story- business cards. And especially the raised lettering engraved ones, like his Dad’s card. Tom proposes a way for ghostwriters to get the recognition they deserve with ghostwriting certificates.
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While Scott luxuriates with his free print subscription to The Hollywood Reporter, Tom struggles to have his thumbprint accepted for a free one month digital trial. And they propose a trade publication, which is the opposite of Variety and THR, that tells you how poorly everyone’s career is going.
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As he’s packing to move, Scott discovers a November 1988 issue of New York magazine, with a typically mean theater review by John Simon, Tom and Scott recall fondly the days of giant restaurants like Lundy’s in Brooklyn.
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Tom faces a shortage of dish detergent in the Pacific Palisades, while Scott rejoices as he buys Purell hand sanitizer for the first time in almost seven months. Plus, why opening a can of worms isn’t something to worry about.
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We don’t agree with Marie Kondo, and those who tell us to be “merciless “ in deciding what stuff to throw away. We think there’s no time limit on joy. Scott is putting about a hundred videotapes in storage, and Tom has saved numerous partially filled notebooks that he flips through in real time on the show.
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In these times, television news pundits share their opinions and show the world their homes at the same time. We think they should always stay home, instead of appearing in studio in front of a generic skyline of an unidentifiable city.
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Why just live in the present, and in the moment? We live in all of the moments, past, present and future. And we come up with ideas for 1947 cartoons, as well as making identical versions of classic old cars. And making concept cars available to everyone, too.
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Scott finds letters from summer camp when he was 12 years old. Plus a Kent cigarette ad from 1964 that made creative use of the word “adsorptive”. And Tom thinks Scott’s visage should be etched onto the dime.
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Which sound engineer responsible for artificial crowd noise on NFL telecasts, will emerge as a famed auteur? And our speculative history takes us back to the 1918 Spanish Flu, where we wish President Wilson had ended World War 1 since soldiers couldn’t socially distance.
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Scott is moving on up to the East Side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky. Totally as an homage to The Jeffersons. And Tom shares breaking news that Scott’s alma mater Northwestern is ranked ahead of the University of Chicago in the WSJ best university rankings.
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Scott tries a different kind of intervention on Tom. Instead of several non socially distanced people in a room telling him what he shouldn’t do, Scott suggests something Tom should do more often. Get out of the house. Even though that could lead to someone asking to box him on the street or force him to learn pole vaulting.
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What Would We Do Without Certain Things?, a new segment, shines a plus positive light on paper towels, so we can be thrilled with them, all over again. Plus, our quest to degoon goons leads us to propose fun resorts where that process can take place.
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18 days before his childhood home is sold, Scott takes Tom on a journey back to the late 1940’s, through old photos of Scott’s parents at famed supper clubs like The Latin Quarter..
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Tom and Scott don’t want statues of themselves in parks or museums because, while it’s nice to be honored, statues just aren’t very flattering. A giant, weatherproof 8 x 10 glossy photo would be better.
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Tom and Scott propose ending the use of the word enemy, and replacing it with a term that won’t lead to war. Out of towners. And they urge insurance companies to reimburse doctors for listening to the heart of a 4 year old girl’s doll.
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Scott dares to use a public restroom at Bloomingdales. And Tom reveals his 2.5 hour power outage ordeal, two days after the fact, since he didn’t want to become the story.
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The days really seem to be flying by faster than ever. Is it just our perception or is this a phenomenon that should be investigated?
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Tom’s dishwasher is broken, and he is forced to wash his beloved dishes by hand in a poignant moment that takes us back to a simpler time. And Scott spins off Tom’s speculative journalism with speculative criticism, by reviewing a play that doesn’t exist.
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Scott is turned down for an apartment because he doesn’t earn 50 times the rent, but he’s 50 times a better person than the leasing agent. Which as Tom points out, is an example of emotional math. Plus, let’s go to the videotape and weddings.
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Scott returns to Nathan’s Famous in Coney Island for the first time since March 15., and enjoys two hot dogs and “the best fries in the works.” Tommy loves Belgian Frites, but only with Belgian mayonnaise. Plus another foray into the field we pioneered, “speculative journalism.”
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Scott starts reading The Great Influenza, which Tommy applauds, even though that means Scott isn’t reading the Johnny Carson book Tommy gave him.
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The power of the human mind may sound like a best selling self help book, but it’s also a great chance to sound like Rod Serling when you say “mind”. Plus we salute the return of the ladies of The View.
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Scott saves the life of a fly. Should he compete against the Dalai Lama in an “Enlightenment Off?” Plus, Tom suggests that he and Scott become Nobel Prize coaches to help potential nominees promote themselves.
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Scott needs to produce his financial records in order to be approved for an apartment, instead of being welcomed with open arms by the leasing agent and the landlord. But in our scenario, that happy ending is the one Tom and Scott create.
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It’s the start of the last unofficial weekend of the summer. Why can’t we keep summer going, which thanks to global warming, can extend into November? Plus our proposal for a 25 hour day.
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Tom built a time machine that has it all. Except the mechanism to make it travel through time. And Scott advises time travelers to make a good first impression by praising the inhabitants of that time period.
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We scorn those developments that are named after the property they destroyed. Like The Vitagraph apartments built on the site of the iconic Vitagraph Studios.
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The ladies of The View have been on hiatus for a month, but Tom and Scott continue to do their show every single day! Plus Tom encourages Scott to reveal two anecdotes involving celebrities.
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Tom races against time and a fading battery charge to complete his second self haircut And Scott decides he doesn’t want his pillow to be a foot away from the refrigerator as he searches for an apartment in Manhattan.
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The New York Times will no longer publish television listings, and we recall the days of just network and local stations, and the exotic UHF channels. Plus Tom’s dishwasher is broken and he wonders how his little cylindrical pals are feeling about that.
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Scott hasn’t had pizza since March, but he wishes he was at Tom’s 50’s style pizza party with his cat Oliver, Johnny Mathis on YouTube and Tom’s wife Cici on the picture phone from India.
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Scott takes the subway to Manhattan for the first time since March 12. And wears pants for the third time in three months. And for those like Tom who prefer to stay at home, we express our appreciation for the wonders of windows.
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In our ongoing attempt to lessen your fears, we add ghosts to the list of things you need not be afraid of. Unless they’re boring ghosts, but that’s just awkward and not scary.
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Buckle your seat belts because this is going to be a funny ride. Tom and Scott discover parallels in their driving history in LA. And their anecdotes may terrify you as much as it did them.
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The RNC is the only place you can see fuchsia pantsuits without going to Boca. Plus the tale of tail versus tale. And Tommy vows to go completely decaf. But he’s a procrastinator, so....
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Unlike the speakers on the first night of the RNC, we’re not shouting at the top of our lungs during this episode. But we are tackling the thorny issue of words that have several different meetings, as well as offering suggestions for achieving world peace.
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The Republican Convention is in session and their slogan should be .”Give Us Your Huddled Maskless Yearning to be Free.” Plus, how do you fact check Montana’s claim to have the biggest sky?
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The.Sunday paper. We talk about our favorite sections in The NY Times, as well as our own newspapers that we “printed” as teenagers. Tom’s Weekly Buzz and Scott’s Sports Today.
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After one last look at the DNC, we go back to 1987 to talk about how the film Broadcast News brilliantly depicts a world of television news that no longer exists. Plus Scott, with a little help from his friend Tom, tells an anecdote that involves David Gergen.
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Our main takeaway from the Democratic Convention is that we both want to become good friends with Joe and Kamala and their families. But we also acknowledge that first and foremost, we must vote for them and then pursue their friendship. Plus a look at white and blue collar workers, and why that expression should change.
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Our unconventional coverage of the DNC continues with our professed desire to be the official podcast of the Biden-Harris campaign. And to spend quality time with the Biden and Harris families. Plus, we travel back to 1960 and 1969.
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Day 2 of the DNC spurs Scott to further vet his Chuck Schumer impression. And Tom is locked out on the side of the rest of the world. All coming to you thanks to the descendants of the Telstar satellite.
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We’re on the scene at the Democratic Convention- at home, watching it on television. If it’s going to look like an infomercial, which is fine with us, let’s include some 1970’s pop stars singing their greatest hits.
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The Democratic Convention starts tonight and no one will actually be there. But in 1968, two kids in Brooklyn and Libertyville, Illinois watched that Democratic Convention on television. And those kids were Scott and Tom.
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A nationwide network of pneumatic tubes could be an alternative to the post office for mail-in voting. And a look ahead to museums reopening in New York next week, and why they’ve always been experts at social distancing.
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Scott loves face masks and is open to becoming a mask influencer. And Tom revisits a traumatic childhood experience involving a liverwurst sandwich, but emerges stronger and better for having gone through it.
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Tom wonders if his bad breath is the reason why his cat Oliver is turning away from him. Or could it be, as Scott suggests, a sign of an unrelated issue? Plus, the ultimate joy of a catbird seat on Easy Street.
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We’re looking in the mirror today, marveling at this ultimate selfie. We take you back to that historic day when the mirror was invented, and for the first time, people could see what they look like.
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One of the many reasons we like Kamala Harris is we think she would like our podcast. She likes to laugh, we like to make her laugh, what more can you ask for? Plus, how did Scott get to see a professional baseball game live?
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Tom offers to get the Russian vaccine, but only on the condition that if it doesn’t work, he receives 500 acres of land in the Russian steppes. Scott won’t try a vaccine that’s only been tested on a couple of dissidents.
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Remember when the suburbs were mocked for their drudgery and boredom? Now people are fleeing the cities in droves. But not us. We’ve seen the future at the 1964 World’s Fair, and we think the future of NYC is bright.
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Scott predicts Gretchen Whitmer will be Biden’s VP pick, because she has the pandemic managing experience Tommy said was necessary, back in one of our early April shows Plus, what would we do without the word “thing”?
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When Tom was a kid, his own homeschool was so selective that he couldn’t get in. Scott uncovers a brochure from the General Electric Progressland exhibit from the 1964 World’s Fair.
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Scott is glad he got his second haircut since barber shops reopened in NYC, even though his barber wore his surgical mask just below his nostrils. Plus, Tom’s cat Oliver is the best companion to have during quarantine, even with the occasional bite.
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Tom’s innocent birthday call leads to the revelation of a shocking family secret, in a groundbreaking segment that will hopefully be turned into a PBS documentary. Plus, we propose yet another invention: A place where annoying cliches are buried.
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We don’t really miss restaurants because we feel like kings, or self appointed, unelected co-Mayors of Irving Place, when we eat at home, Plus, how to uncover fake ghostwriters.
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Scott’s breaking news report of Tropical Storm Isaias in Brooklyn spurs Tom and Scott to go beyond talking about the weather and actually do something about it. They don’t know what they’re going to do but they invite others to figure that out.
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Tom reveals he might have mis-remembered his Wexler’s Bagels story from yesterday’s show. And we sing the praises of the breakfast spots that are only open from 7 am to 2 pm. Plus, a proposal for Mount Rushmore type installations for essential workers during the pandemic.
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Scott pays homage to CBS Sunday Morning with his ode to a tranquil Sunday morning. Tom makes a fateful bagel decision. And we name drop Charles Kuralt, Charles Osgood, Bosley Crowther and more.
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We offer an alternative to the anger and stress inducing effects of watching cable news all day: Buying digital subscriptions to local newspapers like the Desert Sun or the Berkshire Eagle. Reading the often relaxing local news stories will help support local journalism and add years to your life.
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We relive the thrill of getting the TV Guide Fall Preview Issue in our teen years, and excitedly planning our television viewing schedule. Because in those days your show was on only once at a designated time each week.
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We’re going bananas figuring out how to keep bananas ripe. And why bananas are singled out as being crazy, while other fruits like apples and peaches are referred to in positive ways. And we verbally shuck and/or husk corn, too
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Scott previously revealed that he fears running for office because he will he asked what books are on his nightstand. And he doesn’t have a nightstand. Now in a stunning new revelation, Scott says that he hasn’t finished a book in a few years. Tom tries to change that in a way that will bring a tear to your eye.
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Because we do a new podcast every single day, we spare ourselves the drudgery of commuting. And even more importantly, we avoid the mundane act of talking about how bad our commute was.
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We recall the pre SPF days of using reflectors to catch the sun, and the mysterious men on Brighton Beach carrying brown paper bags, selling and yelling “Hot knishes, cold orange drinks.”
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Today’s show is an audio version of the Sunday New York Times, with sections on a range of topics from many time periods. We think obscure references are merely something that hasn’t been learned yet.
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Tom rustles up some grub by creating a carb free hot dog salad. Which inevitably leads to an appraisal of baseball without crowds. Scott watched the Mets opening day game and after a few minutes, he didn’t even notice the absence of people in the stands.
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On our very special “Play Ball” edition, we welcome the return of baseball with no one in the stands, which doesn’t detract from our enjoyment of the game. Baseball fans are normally only noisy hall of the game anyway, when the home team does something they like.
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Museums celebrate intelligence, creativity and history, along with a complimentary coat check. Did Van Gogh ever paint a fisherman wearing waders? And why aren’t fisheries a reliable path to riches?
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Tom is watching lots of college lectures on YouTube, and is well on his way to earning PHD’s in everything. Scott answers the ethical question of whether you should wear a Yale sweatshirt if you didn’t go there. The answer may surprise you.
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Take a thrilling journey with us as Tom quizzes Scott about his first subway and New Jersey Transit train ride in more than four months.
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Tom is invited to join The Nordy Club but Scott is not. Their journey to discover the reason takes them on a virtual tour of physical and digital clubs, like the Friars Club and AMC’s A List, and a look at the writers who were responsible for Yogi Berra’s classic sayings.
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Tom encounters a mysterious grey cat who shows interest but then runs away. Scott puts on his America’s Cat Relationship Expert hat and offers a positive spin since he’s also wearing his rose colored glasses.
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Fans won’t get to watch baseball in the stands, but Tom gets as close as possible by having a ballpark food dinner of hot dogs, popcorn and peanuts. And Scott introduces therapy that resolves your problems in a minute.
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Tom and Scott are the self appointed, unelected, co-Mayors of Irving Place, a magical and historic five block stretch of Manhattan near Gramercy Park and Union Square. We salute our constituents even though we haven’t physically been there in four months.
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YouTube offers so many actual university lectures that it can call itself UTube. We also reveal the origin of the expression School of Hard Knocks. Plus references to Jack Paar, Steve Allen, Johnny Carson and Oscar Levant.
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Scott offers pundit tips on how to keep smiling even when you’re disgusted by the lies of the person you’re debating. And Tom takes another step closer towards a Nobel Prize by introducing his pioneering work in emotional math.
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On a very special Not Back to School special, Tom asks Scott to put on his 12 year old kid hat and decide if he wants to go back to school. Coincidentally, Scott is already wearing his 12 year old kid hat.
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An encounter with unmasked men at a Noah’s Bagels store creates anxiety for Tom, that is partially eased by the fact they had everything bagels available. As always, silver linings emerge from this incident as well.
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Sunday is Fun Day as we look back at some of our more harrowing amusement park experiences. And we are thankful for one of the best perks of being an adult. No one can make us go on a scary ride anymore.
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The Afternoon The Lights Went Out in Brooklyn gives Scott a new appreciation for electricity. His three hour ordeal inspires a discussion about spit takes, hitting the Abe Stark sign at Ebbets Field and winning a suit, and so much more.
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One of the ways we’re getting through this is by appreciating technology that no one is talking about and just takes for granted. Whether it’s the microphone emoji in Word, FaceTime, or even an Amazon Fresh delivery of the hard to find Lysol Disinfectant Wipes,
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On this very special 100th episode, Tom and Scott look back at The First 100 Days of this podcast., and revisit their inventions, rethinking of phrases and cliches, as well as forward thinking ideas that they hope will ultimately lead to the Nobel Prize.
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Having an Open House during these times is not the rollicking, fun and carefree experience it was back in February. But hopefully one of the prospective buyers wearing masks, gloves and protective booties will buy Scott’s family home.
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Tom’s first online clothing purchase of colorful mercerized cotton socks from Neiman Marcus Last Call finally arrives. On the same day that Scott orders no show socks from Eddie Bauer! Plus, the joys of shopping in store even for those who like to shop online too.
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Scott sees Hamilton on Broadway for $6.99 on a television set in Brooklyn. Tom suggests that all subjects be taught using elaborate Broadway musicals, in the way Hamilton taught Scott about the founding of our country.
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On today’s Sunday morning news shows, Tom and Scott are not blamed for the pandemic and feel a sense of relief about that. And we turn to YouTube to hear the tribute band Leonid and Friends perform a faithful recreation of the music of Chicago, and bring back happy memories of another era.
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Official fireworks displays are canceled but there are plenty on this episode as Tom and Scott time travel to their 4th of July celebrations from the past.
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Tom and Scott take a swing at discussing golf, a sport neither plays or harbors a desire to live on a golf course. We do take our time machine back to 1963 and Shell’s Wonderful World of Golf hosted by Gene Sarazan, featuring a thrilling match between Sam Snead and Jack Nicklaus.
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Scott’s Zoom mini high school reunion prompts Tom to suggest the new term “Zoomion”. Which makes them recall the late, great Bennett Cerf and his “Treasury of Atrocious Puns”. And we fondly recall the early 60’s sitcom Bachelor Father, which we prefer to The Bachelor.
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Scott receives an email from The Nobel Prize and although it doesn’t specifically say that Tom and Scott have been awarded the prize, just being on their email list seems to bode well for us. Plus, the difference between Len and Chris Berman.
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Tom takes Scott’s suggestion and happily finds a colorful array of well priced socks at Neiman Marcus Last Call. Tom hasn’t bought any yet, but Scott approves of his slow, deliberate approach, which is like Governor Cuomo’s phased plan for reopening New York.
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Today’s coffee of the day is a tasteful blend of high spirited laughter and ideas for a peaceful world. Too much coffee makes Tom angry and irritable, so he has an epiphany that may lead to the end of war, and the coveted Nobel Peace Prize, for both of us.
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During these times, it’s the little things that get us through this. Like finding joy in choosing from the wildly colorful array of socks available online, Which is something Tom is about to do for the first time.
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Although there are spiking case numbers in many states, we find solace in the good news that the CDC said that there is no risk from food or food packaging and very low risk from surfaces. But there are risks going to a bar in Texas, not just from the virus but by riding the mechanical bull or having the bouncer throw you out and say.”And stay out!”
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We time travel back to 1951 and sex education pamphlets for young girls that Scott discovered in his garage. The Gift of Life, Sally and Mary and Kate Wondered, and You’re A Young Lady Now are our book club selections for today.
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Tom sings a work in progress version of the Getting Through This theme song, Scott welcomes a 14 day quarantine for visitors to New York from states with spiking virus cases, and thinks they must agree to wear masks, socially distance, and not heckle at comedy clubs.
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Tom and Scott love wearing masks. For the anonymity, for the woman who smiled and waved at Tom while he was wearing his mask and sunglasses, and for the chance for Scott to shop online for hours for all different kinds of masks.
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One of the positive things about staying at home these last four months is having the time to appreciate squirrels. They’re cute and lovable, even when they climb between the walls of Scott’s house.
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Barbershops reopened today in NYC, and Scott gets his first haircut in four months. Tom and Scott hope that the “before” picture of a wild haired Einstein looking Scott will help them win a Nobel Prize for Science.
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After more than two months of bare shelves, toilet paper and paper towels are finally available again. And masks and hand sanitizers are now cheaper and easier to find. The downside is that’s because there are so many selfish and ignorant people who don’t want to wear masks. Plus a salute to the second longest day of the year.
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Today marks the summer solstice, the first day of summer, and the longest day of the year. Tom and Scott share what they will do with those extra seconds today, as well as why they’re grateful we don’t live in a time when men wore suits of armor.
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Tom hits the streets in his electric bike, which is so powerful he laughs going up hills. But as Scott discovers, hills always make Tom laugh. And Scott premieres the imaginary instructional film, “The Wonders of Walking.”
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Scott looks forward to the opening of barber shops in NYC four days from now, for his first haircut in four months. Tom, who bravely cut his own hair, worries about running into his barber at the juice bar next door.
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Tom’s talking cat Oliver occasionally bites him, but Scott finds the silver lining in that. Plus another potential Nobel Prize winning invention: the pre-obituary. A chance to thank someone for the things you found out about them by reading it, while they’re still alive.
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Tom and Scott dish on dishes. When Tom reveals he talks to his plates, bowls and mugs, and imagines how they converse with each other, Scott sheepishly admits he has never talked or listened to his dinnerware or flatware, and vows to start doing so.
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In a first of its kind podcast intervention, Scott convinces Tom to put aside his fears and start walking in his neighborhood again. Tom still thinks of himself as a cat who likes to stay home, but now he is also an outdoor cat.
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Scott gives our listeners an all access pass to what goes on behind the scenes in the life of a pundit, along with do’s and don’ts tips. Plus Tom ponders the most elective of all elective surgery-cosmetic.
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It’s Caturday, and no that’s not a typo, it’s the way we think Saturday should be renamed. And you’ll thrill to the never before released recordings of Tom and his cat Oliver having actual conversations.
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In our new “Unspoken But Not Forgotten“ segment, we revisit topics that we still have more to say about. Like scary trees and the Brock-A-Brella.
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Stamp collecting has become very popular since the pandemic began, and Tom and Scott take their time machine back to their childhood when they collected large octagonal stamps from Togo, as well as mint stamps from the US.
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Tom and Scott talk about the Eames chair and the LaZboy recliner, and how these two iconic seating devices, can help us bridge the divide, and bring people together.
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Tom hears banging and scraping noises against the wall of his house as the Santa Ana winds swirl. Tom and Scott ponder whether the culprit is a bored tree or a man-monster. We let you, the listener, decide.
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As New York City slowly opens for business, we yearn for play dates for adults. With instant virus testing to make them safe. Science Fiction? We say Science Non Fiction, a breakthrough idea that Tom and Scott offer to bookstores and publishers at no charge.
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Tom and Scott don’t just sing the praises of Sunday, they create a new song “We’ll Take Sunday” to celebrate the best day of the weekend, even at a time when, for many people, the weekend doesn’t exist.
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Tom watches 12 hours of cable news and reads three newspapers every day. Scott is also a news junkie but limits his consumption to the NBC Nightly News and reading the print edition of the New York Times. Which is more normal in The New Normal?
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Sometimes the best way to deal with a challenging current reality is to seek comfort from the past. So we talk about how great it would be if some dinosaurs paid us a visit. And we explore new ways of setting words into stone.
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Tom gives himself a haircut and we both get goosebumps hearing his thrilling story. Scott prefers to wait until barber shops reopen in Brooklyn in about three weeks, because these days, the only time he needs his hair to look good is on the way to get a haircut.
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Two months ago, Tom asked why the fashion industry wasn’t making stylish face masks.. Now it’s a booming industry which just introduced the trikini, a matching bikini and mask. We also discuss how to pronounce this brand new term.
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Scott got bumped from his Newsmax appearance today. Was it jack booted thugs trying to stifle opposing points of view? Or were they just running long and he’ll be on again next week. Plus, we get nostalgic for the simpler days when we only had to contend with a pandemic.
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Tom and Scott are news junkies, but they like to escape from our current reality sometimes,too. Tom’s newfound appreciation for his sleekly designed time machine, AKA IPad, takes him back to 1970 for such memorable moments as Santana live at Tanglewood, courtesy of YouTube.
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Tom and Scott reflect on the mirror, as part of our continuing look at under appreciated products. And to be clear, we receive no financial support from the mirror lobbying Industry.
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Tom’s barber is open for business in Los Angeles, but despite their fun conversations, Tom is uneasy about going back. Scott will have to wait at least another three weeks to get a haircut in New York, and his hair now looks the way it did in his 1976 college graduation photo.
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We time travel to the 1964 World’s Fair to trace the evolution of the primitive and exorbitantly expensive black and white Picture Phone of 1964 to the basically free but annoying to some, Zoom of today.
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Since Tom and Scott are still following stay at home orders in LA and Brooklyn, they think now would be the best time for elective surgery since they could recover at home when they have to stay home anyway. And they imagine a world where the scariest thing we had to worry about was poison ivy.
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Tom and Scott have the cure for thinking you have something when you really don’t. Plus a look at parenting during a pandemic from the perspective of not being parents.
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Why would anyone risk their life and the lives of others by practically being on top of each other at a water park? If you’re going to take a risk, at least see something memorable like an opera at The Met or a Broadway show. Thankfully theater and opera houses are closed until they are safe again, which makes them better and smarter than water parks.
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Tom and Scott sing our praises for the printed newspaper, discuss the current flight of people from the cities to the suburbs, and look at Woodrow Wilson and the 1918 flu pandemic,
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Sometimes the best way of getting through this sad time, is to be thankful for the bad things that aren’t happening. Nobody is forcing you to walk on stilts, or to go on a ski lift, which is particularly terrifying to Tom and Scott.
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Tom and Scott welcome audio only communication, as Scott’s hair approaches a length not seen since 1976. And while Tom yearns to stick his neck out with confidence, he balks at attempting cosmetic surgery on himself.
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It’s the unofficial start of summer, and even in these times, we should look for ways to have fun this weekend, even though Memorial Day is not the happiest name for a celebratory holiday.
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Is slow, somber piano music what we need in commercials during these challenging times? And we discuss the euphemisms for the pandemic, like “in these challenging times”, and suggest even more apropos ones. And more euphemistic euphemisms too.
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On our gala 50th episode, we put on our metaphorical tuxedo and patent leather shoes, and look back at where we’ve been, and where we are now, since we began this podcast 50 days ago. We’re still essential workers working from home. And since neither of us had a high school prom, we thought it would be fitting to talk about that as well as virtual proms, too.
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Tom and Scott think the way to deal with unpleasant and selfish non mask wearers is to not only wear masks with customized anti non mask wearer slogans, but also an LED screen mask that allows you to choose from hundreds of timely comments.
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We revisit the resurgence of butter churns, and also unpack, drill down and do a deep dive into the butter versus margarine debate. And there’s no shortage of laughs when we talk about the shortage of flour because of the baking bread craze.
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Butter Churns are making a comeback as a frontier hobby, although if you ask butter churns they would say,”What comeback? I never left.” Also Tom and Scott give discussing the value of college the old college try. And a look at the often used and time wasting expression, “In my view”.
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Tom and Scott envision a future where our country is run by scientists, economists, historians and other scholarly experts with a figurehead President with only ceremonial powers. And that future would start tomorrow..
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Tom and Scott balance their outrage at those who bungled the US response to the pandemic, with seeking comfort by watching episodes of the 1970’s show The Midnight Special and deriving pleasure from the romantic sounds of Miss Gladys Knight and the Pips
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Tom and Scott consider themselves essential workers who work at home Now that Twitter has announced that most of its employees can work from home forever, we feel like the first ones to pioneer a trend that will soon be The New Normal.
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Tom and Scott spend more than a little bit of time pondering the all too frequent use of the term “a title bit”. Plus, why baseball played with no crowds isn’t so bad after all.
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After two months of sheltering in place, people are seeking comfort with bird watching and playing chess. Tom and Scott are bird glancers, but Tom’s cat Oliver is super into staring at them because he views them as the enemy. And we pay tribute to Jerry Stiller, who brought us comfort every day, as did his wife Anne Meara, with their incredible talent on stage and screen, and their warmth and kindness in everyday life.
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Scott loves getting mail. And even taking other people’s magazines and catalogs they don’t want. Tom is one of those people who lets the mail pile up because he has no interest in leafing through it. Yet both of us hope the Post Office will survive and prevail, despite Trump’s threats that could put it out of business.
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Tom and Scott introduce a new segment called “Walkin’ It Back”, where we revisit a rare moment on the show where we misspoke, and walk it back in a way that hopefully makes us appear more virtuous and intelligent than if we had never misspoke in the first place.
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Tom and Scott envy the countries that have handled the virus far better than we have.. which is every country, except Brazil and Belarus. And other countries like Denmark actually pity us so they might run those “Won’t You Help” commercials featuring struggling Americans.
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If you discussed your supermarket purchases in The Old Normal, you would have been shunned for discussing such mundane matters. But now, being excited about procuring toilet paper and paper towels is actually very interesting and worth sharing.
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Karl Lagerfeld once said, “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat.” Tom and Scott think they’re a sign of the times. And while Tom says pants with a belt and zipper make him feel “on top of the world”, Scott wears his Old Navy slim French terry sweatpants constantly when he’s at home. Which is constantly.
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In normal times, we would be freaked out by the arrival of giant killer hornets in the US. But when they appear in the middle of a pandemic, they’re less frightening than they are a welcome distraction.
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In another positive change in The New Normal, open plan office spaces will be a thing of the past. Who ever aspired to be in the corner cubicle anyway? As more people work from home, is home jury duty on the horizon?
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In our never ending quest to reevaluate old expressions, Tom discovers that the silver lining is that clouds don’t have a silver lining. Which means we can happily walk on a cloudy day unencumbered by the fear that chunks of molten silver will fall from the sky.
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Tom and Scott offer inventive comedic observations as well as being actual inventors. On today’s show, Tom invents the Anything Bagel. And Scott creates a plan for a robust virus testing program for prospective dates.
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On a very special May Day edition, Tom and Scott tell how workers in the US are being mistreated as International Workers Day is celebrated around the world except in the United States, where it originated
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Today’s show is ripped from the headlines. From 1939 and the opening of the New York World’s Fair You’ll thrill to actual New York Tunes reporting from 81 years ago today. Plus, Harvard returned $8 million in stimulus funds. Should they also rescind Jared Kushner’s diploma?
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Go behind the scenes of our podcast, as Tom and Scott describe the often arduous and demanding process of metaphorically mining for gold in the material our worldwide research department presents to us every day.
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You’ve heard of a military coup, but how about a peaceful and scientific medical coup, where Trump and his political cronies are politely asked to leave and are replaced by a team of scientists, doctors and nurses?
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Tom’s wife is in India, where it’s actually much safer than it is in California. And she’s living in a town with four open bookstores and the Dalai Lama! So we came up with a sitcom pitch where a brassy NY actress moves in with the Dalai Lama and the sparks really fly. And hilarity ensues.
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Canned laughter was a staple of sitcoms for decades, so let’s have canned cheers and boos and bring baseball back with no crowds.
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Tom and Scott continue their perhaps not wildly unlikely quest for the Nobel Prize by inaugurating an exciting and uplifting new segment where we try to find the silver lining in seemingly negative stories.
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The Constitution should have a clause calling for the immediate removal from office of a President who suggests injecting disinfectant. Although we’re sure Trump’s sycophants will defend him by arguing that a Lysol bottle doesn’t specifically say “Do not inject into your bloodstream.”
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Would the anti shelter in place protesters be more inclined to stay at home if they had a nicer home? Tom and Scott propose that the government pay for an Instagram worthy home for every American so they’ll all stay home and flatten the curve more quickly and effectively.
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On a very special Earth Day edition, the Green New Deal is already being implemented as few people are flying or driving. And Tom and Scott are doing their part by recording this podcast at home, instead of at the sprawling Podcast City complex where the world’s podcasts are normally produced.
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Not since the Civil War, has it made such a difference which state we live in. Tom and Scott are happy to live in California and New York because of their respective governors, and have no desire to move to Georgia, even after they reopened tattoo parlors.
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In normal times, a trip to Gelson’’s Supermarket and CVS can be a meandering and relaxing experience. But as Tom tells us in gripping detail, much like a Hitchcock film, it can sometimes feel like playing Russian Roulette, with no offense intended to actual Russians.
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It’s Sunday in New York(and LA), but because of exorbitant royalty fees, Scott and Tom can’t sing the soundtrack to the 1963 film of the same name. But we can hold on to our Sunday traditions and rituals, like luxuriating(or wallowing) in a pile of the New York Times, and ordering delivery of bagels, cream cheese and lox. And watching the Sunday news shows to see Mike Pence avoid answering any questions.
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Tom and Scott aren’t doctors, and they don’t play them on television. But we’re way more credible than the disgraced one name doctors, Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew, who have made ignorant and dangerous comments about the pandemic.
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Tom and Scott aren’t wearing face masks, because they’re at home, and the CDC doesn’t require them while recording podcasts. But where can they find them online? And no, it’s not easy to make your own. Plus, how we can help Biden win in November.
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As more states require us to wear masks, do you have to be a surgeon to know how to put them on and take them off properly? And now that retired doctors and nurses are being asked to return to work, let’s bring back talk show hosts who comforted us after 9-11, like Jon Stewart.
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Tom reports from the frontline, Gelson’s Supermarket, where he only shops in the least crowded aisles. And Scott proposes stay at home regulations require people to wear work clothes during the week, except for high school football coaches who can continue to don baggy sweatpants.
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Obama endorses Biden after giving it a great deal of thought. Trump claims the Governors regional cooperation is mutiny and he’s Captain Bligh. And we shout out to listeners a thousand years from now.
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Domino’s Pizza algorithms know so much about us, just based on our toppings. And that’s the kind of invasion of privacy we love, because ordering comfort food is so, well, comforting, especially when Trump hints he might want to fire Fauci.
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On Easter Sunday, we cling to the hope that on an empty Fifth Avenue and great boulevards throughout America, less than ten folks promenade while keeping social distance, clad in their fancy hats and stylish masks. Watching 1970’s shows like The Midnight Special beats the pandemic blues. And how did people pass the time hunkered down during the 1918 Spanish Flu?
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Governors are the biggest stars right now, so we give credit to the good ones, and propose an awards show for the worst governors for a pandemic. And will the daily reality show of the Task Force briefings explode like a Real Housewives episode, with Fauci and Birx angrily knocking over the podium?
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People aren’t smoking weed in public – because there’s no such thing as public anymore. Sad times for flashers. And Scott’s Zoom Passover inspires Tom to talk about how he doesn’t mind not celebrating Easter because he hates ham.
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It appears there is preliminary evidence that we seem to be starting to flatten the curve. Is that a record for most qualifiers in one sentence? When will we be able to return to the Cheescake Factory? And should we ever have gone there in the first place?
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Andrew Cuomo has a nationally televised daily briefing with high ratings and millions of people crushing on him.. But California has done an even better job of pandemic management and is flattening the curve. But why no daily Gavin Newsome show, so Americans get to crush on him too?
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In the midst of a truly harrowing week, there actually is some positive news, which we unpack and drill down into, as well as taking off on flights of fancy..
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Tom and Scott discover another reason to wear a mask when we go out. Fear of glares. And while Californians are advised not to go to grocery stores this week, is North Dakota making shopping mandatory?
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It’s a typical Sunday in New York for Scott. And in LA, Tom didn’t receive his delivery of the New York Times! Is Tom’s wife safer in India than he is in LA? And why Scott thinks his clogged bathroom sink is actually a good thing.
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As the world experiences the end of the weekend as we know it, Tom and Scott present the first Saturday edition of Getting Through This. We also discuss what we can learn from our pets and why they’ve never been happier.
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Today we’re dealing with shopping in the pandemic. Never before has shopping at a grocery store been so dramatic, frustrating and unnerving. Now that delivery workers are heroes how much do we tip them? And do we need hazmat suits to open up packages from Amazon?
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Are we watching too much news in these stressful times? Or too little? Do we have any choice? And is the My Pillow guy so jarringly irrelevant to the daily pandemic update that he’s actually comforting?
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In this episode we introduce ourselves and our current circumstances: Like most of the rest of the nation we're social distancing at home, but we're not climbing the walls. How do we do it?
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